#featuring as always tumblr users viola-lloyds** and lexasperated

[cattles-bians]

'our exes are dating' damie AU part 2

post directory

em: jamies like, sitting w her head in her hands wearing big stompy boots and flannel going god dani our exes are dating. we’re Stereotypes (danis like well. i will hold my tongue about the outfit but technically their exes are also dating)

obsetress: "what about my outfit?" "nothing baby, you look very cute”

obsetress: ok but dani and jamie finding out rebecca and vi are dating and jamie's immediately calling owen like "mate."

em: i am so thinking of making the bly manor au version of The Chart from the l word

em: owens like who haven’t u dated at this point n jamies like oi (quietly) u know i get nervous around girls

em: owen we can’t ALL be Married to hannah grose

obsetress: jamie can't stand vi most of the time like you said but she definitely had a drunken one night stand with perdita

obsetress: they were both young and lonely and had something to prove

obsetress: ok but imagine vi and rebecca are having some holiday party at their fancy ass apartment and dani and jamie are showing up and perdita is there and viola's like "dani, you remember my sister. jamie, this is–– jamie? perdi? are you okay?”

obsetress: perdita pulling vi aside later and hissing "that's her! that... jamie, that's her" "who?" "that... that girl i told you about, vi, the one who––" "the one who insisted on buying you breakfast but then never called you back?" “yes"

em: jamie......

obsetress: she wants to be so nice and so soft but then…

obsetress: also they stayed over at perdi's and she was sober enough the next morning to realize what a trust fund baby flat looks like

em: jamie viola acquaintances to enemies to. nope still enemies

jamie: dunno what the fuss was about. not like i stole anything

dani: sorry what

dani: why would you even think... did you?

jamie: what? don’t be ridiculous.

jamie: i cut that shit out years ago

obsetress: in vi and rebecca's lavishly furnished guest bedroom later that night…

dani, whispering: we could, you know

jamie, half asleep next to her: wot

dani: steal something. they wouldn't miss it

jamie: dani, we can't just––

dani: that print over there is nice though, isn't it?

dani: would look nicer at ours

em: the most illegal thing dani has done is smoke a joint so she’s READY

obsetress: she is ITCHING obsetress: anyway they absolutely take it and the next time vi and rebecca come to theirs for "a quaint, country weekend" viola doesn't even notice, but rebecca squints at it for a minute

em: sjhfjsh,afasf

obsetress: be gay, do crime -dani clayton, probably

obsetress: new crack headcanon: dani always trying to rope jamie into doing benign little gay crimes with her

obsetress: smoking a joint, stealing vi and rebecca's print, stealing owen's veggies

em: jamies like babe u know i’ve. been to prison right. i don’t really want to- and danis like no i only mean SMALL crimes

em: Funny Crimes

em: jamies like oh well actually i love fucking with viola i’m in

obsetress: the only thing that could convince jamie

obsetress: jamie's like "what if we replace viola's green tea with that silly detox green tea" and dani is just like

obsetress: "i see you trying and i love you so much for that"

em: i am wheezing at ‘what if we gave viola laxatives’

dani: she has a delicate constitution she’d know Immediately

jamie: (eating some suspiciously old leftovers) rich people are fucked

em: jamie: i’m gonna rearrange her books

obsetress: dani visibly cringes

obsetress: ”don't tell me that's gonna bother you too" "i–– nO"

em: full on greenhouse scene pphht. no?!

obsetress: flashback to: dani and viola rearranging her library for fun on a rainy day

em: jamie: i’m gonna buy cleanskin wine and put expensive labels on it

dani: now THATS funny

obsetress: full on jamie taylor bootlegging operation

[later edit: cleanskin wine is an Australian/New Zealand term for cheap unlabelled wine.]

obsetress: jamie: look, dani, you went from bootlicker to bootlegger

dani: hey!

em: relabelling garbage wine for fun and profit

em: viola does that wine sniffing thing and she’s like mm. do i detect some notes of willow. a lovely cultivar and damie are trying. so hard not to lose it

obsetress: rebecca side eying the two of them

obsetress: what is friendship if not just exes fucking with each other

em: so true bestie

obsetress: omg final thought before i ptfo on the book rearranging

obsetress: when they were together dani def suggested to vi that she organize her shelves by color and viola just stared at her in horror

obsetress: ”i know americans are illiterate dani, but really?" "and i know the british are notorious snobs, but seriously?"

obsetress: (it is not as toxic as it sounds. they're mostly just snarking at each other and end up kissing against a bookcase like half a minute later)

obsetress: and just. imagine how happy viola is when rebecca moves in with her massive collection of russian poetry volumes and automatically just starts slotting them in in alphabetical order by author's last name

obsetress: vs. at dani and jamie's where jamie just leaves books where she leaves them and lets dani take care of the rest

em: at mike don’t worry we will meaningfully flesh out ur side characters

audacity: anyway I'm slipping away from work for 1 minute to say leftist jamie and liberal vi still lives in my head rent fucking free thanks to y'all because it's literally—

audacity: i am kindly asking it to stay In My Head

em: ‘liberal vs leftist ding ding ding round one fight’ has been RUNNING around my head

em: viola saying landlords provide a valuable service wrt housing and resources and dani has to HOLD jamie back

audacity: vi: capitalism is an important aspect of our society since it provides much-needed inspiration for the working class—

obsetress: five times jamie and viola got into a fight at their standing damvibecca biweekly dinner and one time they didn’t

---[bonus:]---

em: i wanna believe jamie and viola realise they both have an incredibly niche interest in common, and jamie HATES this (violas like oh ho ho i have charmed this jamie taylor, she absolutely has not) but i can’t figure out what the fuck the interest would be

em: maybe maybe some intersection of storytelling and folklore and ghost stories but i cannot figure it out

obsetress: jamie hates it but suddenly she’s been talking to viola about rural hauntings in northern england and viola’s been talking to her about rural hauntings in southern england and two hours have gone by

em: dani: it’s nice to see you guys get along :)

jamie: ……… >:/