#already forgot my silly tag uh

[stop-talking]

You're his ex, but he's desperate for a babysitter. (pt. 4)

Mike Schmidt x fem reader

2.4k words + 300 word epilogue

Tags: 18+, mike x fem reader, no use of y/n, exes, enemies to lovers, slowburn? sassy mike, sassy reader, pet names, banter, angst, fluff, comfort, happy ending.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

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Mike sits at his kitchen table, trying not to nod off into his cereal. Today is a quiet day. A lazy day. His one day off.

Except, not really. There's always work to be done. He just has to figure out what today's work would be. He's caught up on laundry and dishes, the house isn't too much of a mess... Hm. Maybe he should finally fix the dripping pipe in the bathroom. Or the living room window that's been stuck for years. Or one of the million other things wrong with his house.

He sighs and goes to take a bite of his cereal, only to realize he forgot the milk. Damn it. When he opens the fridge, he stands face to face with a little blue dolphin stuffed animal. Right... Abby's still testing him. He leaves it alone, she'll see it when she gets home from school and assume her "spell" still works. Pfft.

Mike nearly drops the milk mid-pour when he hears the phone ring.

*click.*

"Hello?" He mumbles groggily, a little annoyed to have his morning brooding interrupted.

"Hey, Mike? You free at all today?"

He immediately perks up at the sound of your voice. It's been two days since he last saw you, and he honestly wasn't sure if you'd ever speak to him again.

"Yeah, uh... It's my day off, actually."

"Good. I'm using that 2nd favor."

Mike's heart races. If this favor is going to be anything like the last one, he was definitely up for it.

"Oh? Missing me already, sweetheart?"

"As if. I need you to build me a shelf."

A shelf? Well, that was unexpected. Hm. Better than nothing.

"What, like build it from scratch? Are you expecting me to buy the boards, or-"

"No. I have all the pieces. It just needs to be assembled."

"You can't assemble a shelf?" Mike scoffs, but secretly he's pleased. Sounds like you just want an excuse to have him over.

"Mike. You know I'm no good with tools."

No, he didn't know that actually. Liar. You definitely just wanted to see him again. God, he felt giddy.

"Mhm. Sure."

"Just get your ass over here, Schmidt."

"Woah, what's with the attitude, Princess? I'm here to help." He can't help but let some smugness seep into his tone. Okay, more than some. He's a cocky bastard and he knows it.

"I've been working on the damn thing all morning. Almost three hours now. Not in the mood, jackass."

Shit. You sounded sincere. And really pissed off. Then again, what kind of a shelf took three hours to assemble? The fuck was it? A jigsaw puzzle?

"Alright, alright. I'll be over soon. See ya."

Mike slumps against the counter as you grumble something incoherent and slam the phone down. Damn, what is he getting himself into this time?

Only one way to find out.

・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・

When Mike finally arrives at your apartment half an hour later, he feels a bit silly. He put on a nice shirt and trousers to come see you, and here you are in sweats and a baggy t-shirt. Figures.

"Call for a handyman?" He greets you with a teasing smile, holding up his old rusted toolbox as he makes his way inside.

"Pfft. Someone's happy to see me."

Mike can't really say anything to that, so he doesn't try. He is happy to see you, even if you have attitude problems and dress like a bum.

"So, I bought the damn thing from a friend-of-a-friend, who got it at a garage sale. I swear, it has to be missing some parts or something, because-"

He nods as you rattle on and lead him to your bedroom, but he's only half-listening. He looks around your apartment, taking it all in. It's been at least six months since he last came over, probably longer. It doesn't look to have changed much. He likes your apartment. It's cozy.

"Anyways... can you fix it?"

Mike pauses in the doorway of your bedroom as you give him a sheepish smile and gesture to something in the corner.

Holy hell. Is that supposed to be a shelf? Mike can't help but think that the hideous agglomeration of boards and screws would only be good as a fire-starter. It looks more like a pile than a shelf.

"Uhh..." He bites his cheek, desperately trying not to burst into a fit of laughter. Maybe you really weren't lying about the whole "no good with tools" thing.

He finally loses it when you groan and flop down on the bed, hiding your face in a pillow.

"Ughh... Laugh at me, whatever. Just fix it."

"Jesus Christ. This has to be the sorriest excuse for a shelf I've ever seen. Sure you don't want me to haul it to the junkyard instead?" He snorts, sitting down on the edge of your bed and looking with disdain at the half-assedly assembled shelf.

Mike immediately shuts his mouth when you glare at him. Oops, right, you're in a bad mood.

"I mean, uh... you tried?" He laughs, shaking his head in amusement. He still can't believe you're actually this inept when it comes to assembly.

"Get to work, Schmidt."

Mike yelps as you kick him off the bed, but doesn't bother retaliating. He just grabs his toolbox and sits on the floor, examining the so-called "shelf".

"Well, the first step is going to be un-doing everything you did."

・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・

You lie on your stomach in bed, chin propped up on your hands as you kick your feet in the air and ponder the sight before you. Mike's back is turned to you as he quietly works away taking apart the monstrosity you assembled.

"How long is this gonna take?"

"Well, If it wasn't so..." He trails off, glancing at you and choosing his words more carefully.

"...sturdy, it'd be a lot easier to take apart."

"Hm? What do you mean?"

He gives you an incredulous look and gestures to a series of nails in a corner where two boards meet. It does look pretty ridiculous, the sharp ends pointing out the other side. Not your best work.

"You put nails in it, sweetheart." He scoffs.

"How else was I supposed to keep it together?" You give him your best pout, and gloat internally when he has to turn away. He's absolutely infatuated with you. Even the back of his neck is pink.

"It comes with screws for a reason, ya know."

"There's a difference?"

He turns and gives you a flat look, and you laugh. Damn. You can play dumb with him, but maybe not that dumb. Noted.

Still, it's a little boring just laying there and watching him grumble and pull nails from wood. You can't really mess with him too much either, because you really do what him to fix the stupid shelf.

"You want something to drink?" You finally break the silence, under the guise of trying to be a good hostess.

"Pfft. Need some whiskey to deal with this bullshit." He snorts, pulling yet another nail free. He'd almost gotten one board off. One. This was gonna take a while.

"I was thinking more along the lines of soda or tea."

"Jack and Coke, then?"

"Mike. It's hardly past noon."

"So?" He scoffs. "For me, this is like... evening, or something. I dunno. Sleep schedule's fucked with this new job."

That answer makes you pause.

"What is it you do now, anyway?"

He groans, finally prying one of the boards free of the clusterfuck.

"Night guard. Told you already, remember?" He tries to shrug the question off, but you're nosy.

"Where?"

"Uhh... Freddy Fazbear's Pizza..."

"Speak up."

"Ugh. It's this stupid rundown hellhole pizzeria. Honestly dunno why anyone would wanna break in there anyways. It's a dump."

"What kind of a pizzeria needs a night guard? Or any guard?"

"The haunted kind."

You decide not to ask about that, simply shaking your head as you walk to the door. He's truly a loon. A loveable loon, unfortunately.

"Just tell me what you want to drink, Mikey, or I'm getting you water."

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Mike sits on the floor of your bedroom sipping his glass of water and wondering how he got here. If you'd told him a week ago he'd be building his witch of an ex-girlfriend a shelf, he would've gagged. Now...? Well, he just wants to go join you on that bed.

"So are you really just gonna sit there and look pretty while I do all the work?"

"Aww, you think I'm pretty, Mikey? You smile, lying on the bed with your feet kicking in the air, giving him a look of pure adoration. It wasn't hard to do.

"Pretty annoying, yeah." He turns away with a scoff, returning to his work. If only he could get this stupid nail untangled from the other two... why would anyone use this many nails?

"You know, I think I liked you better gagged."

"Oh I know, sweetheart. I could see it in those evil eyes of yours." He can't help but smirk a bit at the comment, though. Sometimes he liked himself better gagged, too. He shakes the thought away and keeps working.

"Why can't you just get on hands and knees and beg me to take you back already?" You huff dramatically and roll over onto your back, letting your head fall over the edge of the bed. He looks silly from this angle. Upside-down.

That question nearly makes Mike drop his tools. Were you serious?

"Why? So you can laugh me off again?"

Ouch. It was true you'd turned him down the last time he'd tried it, but that was six months ago.

"Maybe if you used those big brown puppy eyes of yours on me."

That only earns you a grunt, so you verbally prod him again.

"Besides, why can't I do both? Laugh at you, then take you back? Sounds fun."

"Pfft. Fun? To toy with me? You'd probably break up with me all over again just for shits and giggles." He responds bitterly, still refusing to turn around.

"Mikey. Look at me." You roll back over onto your stomach and rest your chin in your hands as he slowly meets your gaze.

"I didn't break up with you just for shits and giggles. You know that. I'm not letting you sit there and wallow in self-pity."

Mike goes stiff from your words, but your tone is soft, and your eyes even softer. You're still giving him that adoring look. Damn it.

"Well maybe I'd rather wallow in self pity than admit you were right all along."

"You've had six months to wallow. Grow a pair and come kiss me."

He can't say no to that. Not when you look at him that way. He shuffles over, kneeling by the side of your bed. On his knees for you again, damnit.

You kiss him. It's different from the lustful, sloppy kiss you shared last time. This one makes you feel warm. You kiss him again. And again.

Mike really doesn't want this to end, but the knot in his stomach forces him to pull away. He has to ask.

"Why? Why are you doing this, I mean? Do you really want... to take me back?" He sputters, looking down at the floor.

"I'm not completely sure yet." You answer honestly, shifting and lying back on the bed.

Damn. That's not the answer he wanted to hear.

"Are you-"

"Come here."

When you pat the spot next to you in bed, Mike melts. He's a wreck right now, but still wants nothing more than to be with you, in every sense of the word. He silently complies.

"It's not about right and wrong, you know. As much as I love being told I'm right." You give him a soft smile, breaking the silence and placing your hand on top of his as you both lie on your sides.

Damn it. He'd done this with you before, this and so much more. Why was such a small touch turning him to goo?

"What isn't?"

"The breakup. It's about growing as a person. As people. Both of us." You lace your fingers with his, and can't help but laugh as his face reaches a level of pink you've never seen before.

"And what exactly am I supposed to be growing out of?"

"Pfft. I don't know, the emotional unavailability? The way you never made time for me? Constant irritability?" You start to dramatically list off his flaws, using your free hand to count on your fingers.

"Okay, okay. I get it." He huffs, and grabs your hand before you can make fun of him more. Instead, he guides it to his side, pulling you in a little closer.

"And you're miss perfect?"

"No. 'Course not. I have flaws too." You give him a sly smile, and start listing your own "faults".

"Too hot and sexy, too intelligent, too kind, amazing, sweet and caring..."

That's as far as you get before Mike scoots closer, burying his face in your neck and giving you a playful nip.

"Too arrogant." He adds with a laugh, wrapping his arm around you and letting himself melt further into you.

"My arrogance is one of my best qualities, thank you." You reply haughtily, sliding your hand up his back and into his hair.

Mike couldn't speak, even if he could somehow find the right words to say. Everything in this moment felt so right. His arm around you. Your fingers in his hair. He lets out a soft groan instead.

You aren't exactly eager to let go of this moment either, and just hold him for a few minutes. It feels nice to play with his soft brown curls.

"I'll do better. Please." He finally mumbles something to you, not bothering to move his face from where it's buried in the crook of your neck.

"Please what, Mikey?"

"Take me back."

He finally pulls back, just enough to give you a glimpse of those puppy eyes of his. Damn it. How could you even think of saying no?

"Yeah. Okay."

You both lean in for another round of soft passionate kisses, and Mike feels himself relax completely. His stomach unknots and his mind goes numb. For the first time in months, he feels completely safe.

・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・・・・・・○・

"So does this mean you'll babysit for me again?"

"Go finish the shelf, Schmidt."

"Yes, Princess."

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♡ Epilogue ♡

Over the past few weeks, you and Mike had fallen into a sort of rhythm.

He never did end up finding a new babysitter, and besides, you're the only one who could ever get Abby to finish her dinner. You had to graduate her from daily witching lessons to weekly ones, though, convincing her she needed to study for the more advanced spells. Secretly, Mike was just losing track of which objects in his house were supposedly invisible. It was quite amusing to watch.

Mike's favorite part of the day was coming home to you already asleep in his bed, and waking you up with a kiss. He'd then either lie down in bed while you shower, or hop in there with you, depending on how you felt. Either way, he loved the view.

The conflicting schedules made things complicated, but you were able to work around it. Mike slept better with you holding him, and consequentially, was a lot more agreeable. He did his best to make more time for both you and Abby.

He even started to open up to you for once, letting you take on some of his burdens. This man sure had a lot of guilt. You were certain he hadn't yet told you everything, but he told you enough. At least you finally knew what the fucking NEBRASKA poster on the ceiling was for. Now you kind of felt bad for all the times you teased him about it the first time you dated.

As for the damn shelf... well, he finished it. It was still hideous, but it was functional. There were holes in it from the nails, and the wood had even started to splinter in a few spots. You couldn't bring yourself to get rid of it, though. Not after how much work you both put into it. Even if most of Mike's work revolved around un-doing yours.

It definitely wasn't a perfect relationship, not by far. But Mike never promised to be the perfect boyfriend. He just promised to be better.

And he was, bit by bit, every day. Better. ♡

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Author's note:

Thank you all for the love!! This was my first time writing a fanfic of any kind so I'm really happy so many of you enjoyed it. Feels good to bring the story to an end.

Feel free to send me a request, I'd love to write more fics about Mike. Or any other J-hutch character for that matter, Mikey is just my favorite <3

[taiyaki-o]

HI NEIGHBOR! pt. 2

read pt 1 here!

synopsis: you and Megumi grow even closer, and some new developments have your life changing for the better

tags: gojo x gn!reader, fluff, non curse au

A few days pass, and you’re making breakfast when you hear a knock at the door. You dust off your hands as you answer.

“Hm? Oh, Megumi! It’s you!” You smile as you spot the boy, and he’s clutching the stack of books. He looks away a bit bashful and attempts to hold out the stack.

“I finished them. You can have them back,” he mumbles. You chuckle and take the books out of his hands before he drops them all.

“Did you enjoy them? Which one was your favorite?”

“I liked the book on sea animals a lot.”

“That’s one of my favorites too! The diagrams are really interesting, don’t you think?”

He nods. You notice that his gaze lingers on said book a little wistfully.

“Do you…want to keep it?”

Your heart melts a bit at the way his eyes light up.

“Really?” He asks shyly.

“Of course! I haven’t touched it for some time anyway. I think it’ll be better off with you.” You smile and give the book back to him, and he hesitates, but then grabs the book with two hands and hugs it to his chest.

“…”

You let out a soft grunt as he softly tackles you in a hug, and you quickly lift the books that are still in your arms out of the way.

“Woah, easy there!” You laugh. You find a space to dump the books and bend down a bit to hug him back.

“Thank you,” He mumbles softly but earnestly. You smile softly.

“Anytime.”

He brings his head back suddenly, his nose wrinkling.

“What’s that smell?”

You look up to see smoke coming from what should be your breakfast.

“Hm? Oh shit-“

-

After you’ve fanned away the smoke and thrown out your now burnt breakfast, you invite Megumi to come inside instead of just stand outside your door.

“Sorry about that, kid. Forgot to turn the stove off, silly me,” you say as you put the pans in the sink. A smile ghosts across Megumi’s face as well, and he sits politely on the edge of your couch.

It’s then that you notice something else.

“Where’s Gojo? Does he know you’re here?” You ask.

Megumi shakes his head. “He went out to buy some food. He’s probably coming back soon, though.”

“Well, do you have his phone number or anything? I think I should let him know that you’re here in case he comes back to an empty house,” you laugh.

You sit down on the couch next to Megumi, shutting off your phone.

“Do you watch any TV? Or is it just books?” you ask.

“A couple,” Megumi replies. “But mostly books.”

“Which ones?”

You end up putting on a few episodes of Pokémon, and Megumi curls up on your couch as you two sit together in comfortable silence.

-

SMACK!

Gojo groans as he hits his head against the steering wheel of his car, an angry red welt already forming on his forehead.

“That goddamned brat-!” Gojo seethes. He stares forlornly at the red light in front of him, dreading the interaction to come. Not only had Megumi forced him to be in your *angelic, beautiful* presence again, but the kid had the audacity to give you his number?! The mere thought of it made his cheeks turn cherry red.

He taps his fingers against the wheel, and looks over at the takeout bag sitting in the passengers seat. He sighs, rubbing his temples. Getting a new job, taking care of Megumi, moving to a new apartment…it was starting to get to him. Being a single father definitely wasn’t in his life plan.

Ten minutes later, he stood in front of your door, steeling himself for what was going to come.

“…”

He wants to tear his hair out. Why was he so nervous? This wasn’t anything special. He would open the door, pick up the brat, and go home. That’s it. He takes a deep breath.

knock knock knock!

The door opens, and Gojo immediately feels all the air escape from his lungs.

“Hey! Good to see you again,” You smile up at him, and he thinks heart might burst from inside his chest.

“Yeah, I just went to grab some takeout. Is, uh-is Megumi still here?” He rubs the back of his neck.

Megumi pops out from behind your legs, and you chuckle.

“Um-the restaurant gave me way more food than I expected-do you want some?” Gojo asks nervously.

(This is a lie. The second he saw your message he turned his car around and ordered another portion of food in hopes that he’d have an excuse to talk to you.)

“Oh! Are you sure?” You ask. He nods earnestly. “Well, do you want to come inside then? We were just watching Pokémon.” You ruffle Megumi’s hair a bit with a chuckle.

“Digimon is way better.” Gojo blurts out without thinking. He mentally smacks himself upside the head.

Stop being a fucking nerd, Satoru! No one wants to hear your opinions on Digimon!

You scoff in fake indignation. “It is not! Digimon wishes it was half as iconic as Pokémon.”

“Digimon is so much cooler though.”

“Is not.”

“Is too.”

“Are you coming inside or not?” You laugh. He blushes again, but steps inside your apartment. He does his best to ignore the familiar scent of your perfume in the air.

You grab some plates as Gojo unpacks the food, and soon the smell of Chinese takeout fills your apartment. Megumi retreats to the couch again to continue watching while you and Gojo sit at the kitchen counter.

“The kid give you any trouble?” Gojo chuckles.

“Not at all. He’s been great.”

“I think he’s taken a liking to you. At least more so than me.”

“Come on, I’m sure you’re great company.”

“Ahh, not really. ‘Specially because it’s just us. I don’t know what goes through his head sometimes.”

You desperately want to ask about the nature of their relationship, but you bite your tongue. You barely know these people, after all. No matter how much you enjoy their presence, you’d never pry into their private lives like that.

Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how you view it), Gojo notices and he chuckles.

“I know what you’re thinking. And no, the kids not mine. Not biologically speaking. His mom passed away and his dad…isn’t in a good enough place to take care of him.”

Gojo sighs, throwing a look over his shoulder at the boy. “I’m all he’s got.”

You swear you see a pained expression on his face, but by the time he turns back it’s gone. “Pretty shitty to get stuck with me, huh? I’d feel sorry for him if he wasn’t a little shit.”

“Watch your mouth, mister. I might have to call the cops for child abuse.” You snicker as you point your knife at him jokingly. You feel a pang of sadness, however, as you process the information.

“I’d imagine it’s tough for the both of you…” you sigh. “I mean, did you plan on having kids?”

“Not a damn bit,” Gojo confirms. “Kinda feels like my life’s done a complete one eighty overnight.”

“You guys just moved here too, right? Where’d you come from?”

“Kyoto. Got a new job as a teacher at some school nearby. The kid seemed to want a fresh start anyway.”

Your eyes widen. “No way! I’m a teacher too! I teach at a school nearby!”

“Well, would you look at that! You wanna trade tips later?” Gojo jokes. “Wow, that’s…that’s a really crazy coincidence. Where do you teach?”

“Tokyo Tech. Or Tokyo Metropolitan Technical School, if you have a stick up your ass.”

Now it’s Gojo’s turn to widen his eyes. “That’s where my new job is!”

The two of you sit in stunned silence for a moment, before bursting out into laughter.

“Small world, huh?” You say as you catch your breath.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Gojo says as an ecstatic smile stretches across his face.

“I take it you’re the new janitor?”

“Oh shut up, you.”

“Can you two please keep it down? I can’t hear the TV,” Megumi looks over at you and Gojo with a slight scowl on his face. Gojo sticks his tongue out at Megumi, who simply rolls his eyes and returns his attention to the screen.

You let out another one of your angelic laughs, and Gojo physically kicks himself under the table to keep himself sane. He’s barely been keeping it together since he realized you two would be coworkers. The blush that’s fighting to travel up his neck takes all his effort to control. The thought that you’d be his coworker, that he’d be seeing you every day…saying hi to you in the halls…grading papers together….growing closer….

“Hellooo? Earth to Gojo?” You wave a hand in front of his face.

“H-huh? Oh, sorry!” He snaps out of his mini trance. “Zoned out there for a second, haha…”

He shoves a spoonful of rice into his mouth to give himself time to think before he embarrasses himself.

I really am a mess…

a/n: part 2! didn’t expect this to turn into a series, but ig it’s happening lol

pt 3 here!

feel free to message me/leave a comment if you want to be added to the taglist!

taglist: @96jnie

[4am-enha]

GIRLLL!!! I have already looked through all your posts and your writings are sooooo good :(((

.... There:(( can you please write a fluff, one shot of hoon and the introverted and unsocial y/n 🙁🫶

sweet (in)convenience.

note: i needed to get a sunghoon one shot out so why not! i hope this is okay~ thank you sm for reading my stuff!! and thank you to @euphoricfilter for helping me come up with an idea for this one shot. <33

tags/desc: (have you ever gone to the store with your parents and they randomly rush away leaving you in line by yourself while they grab something ‘quickly’? yeah, that’s what this is.) introverted, socially anxious reader and soft teasing sunghoon who does the talking for them. holding hands, brief kisses, reassurance, friendly teasing, short convenience store trip with sunghoon.

genre: fluff, comfort, established relationship.

pairing: sunghoon x you (y/n), gender neutral but term ‘passenger princess’ is used.

warnings: pet names like ‘babe’ & ‘love’ used a few times. very brief mention of a panic/anxiety attack.

wc≈ 1.6k, one shot format.

“What’s going on with all these people?” Sunghoon scanned around the cramped store, bewildered by the number of people as the bell on the door announced your entrance.

“I guess there must be some sort of celebration or event going on somewhere close by and people needed some snacks or something,” you shrugged.

He suddenly gasped, making you look up at him in wonder, “Or maybe they’re gaining supplies because they’re revolting against something and we’re missing out.”

You stared at him blankly.

“Okay, yeah. Let’s go with your idea.”

You giggled, giving him an eye roll in response. Sunghoon was quite silly, but he was really nice company. Being around him always felt sort of like there was a bubble around you, providing you protection and always making you feel so comfortable and safe no matter where you were, or went. As long as he was by your side, it was okay.

You followed Sunghoon around as he grabbed things off the shelves, “what are we actually here for again?”

“I wanted to grab a few things for that gathering I’m going to later with the guys. I’m pretty sure everyone is bringing some sort of snack. Plus, we desperately need milk in the house. We’re out again.”

Sunghoon quickly closed the door of the store's refrigerator. Then, you followed him into the queue for checkout. He had already gotten what he needed.

You sighed, “Well, maybe if you didn’t drink milk on its own, we would actually have some left for the cereal.”

“What’s your problem with drinking milk on its own? It’s good. Literally, don’t bash it until you’ve tried it, girl.” Sunghoon tried to do some sort of swish with his hair and neck, but it didn’t work like he had intended it to.

Your eyes widened with surprise and you let out a small laugh, “Why are you trying to sound sassy?”

“Did you not hear? It’s the… what’s it called? Oh right, the sassy man apocalypse, or something like that. Ah, can you also hold this for me? I forgot something. I’ll be right back,” he shoved the shopping basket into your arms, flashed you a thankful smile, and winked as he dashed off to grab whatever he had forgotten.

You felt a rush of anxiety, “Uh actually Sunghoon-“

You had tried to call out to him before he ran off, but he had left so fast and couldn’t hear you over the noise of the crazy amount of customers in the store.

“He’ll be quick,” you internally thought- trying to reassure yourself. It was very hard to believe since Sunghoon had just left you in the checkout line all by yourself with his basket of stuff and absolutely no money or preparation.

There were only a few people in front of you. You couldn’t help but immediately start to overthink it all. Another customer finished, leaving one left until it was your turn. No sight of Sunghoon yet.

Maybe it all seemed a bit dramatic to anybody else, but to you, this was one of the most terrifying situations to be in. You had really bad social anxiety and besides Sunghoon and those closest to you- you didn’t really talk to people much. At least not if you didn’t have to. People thought you were just a little shy, but you really couldn’t help it. You could barely remember a time when you had ever been comfortable in public alone interacting with people. These days, you brought Sunghoon everywhere with you.

If you had to interact with the cashier right now, explain that you actually don't have any money on you to pay for it, inconvenience not only the cashier but the customers behind you too, and have to tell them to wait- oh it was all just too much for you. Your mind spiralled. You were sure you’d have a breakdown.

You then began to feel the symptoms of a panic attack come on. Your palms began to become clammy with sweat and your chest suddenly became tight as if there was an excessive depletion of oxygen in the room or something like that. Your breath became irregular and on the brink of hyperventilation.

And even with all of this, you still tried to keep composed so that the people around you wouldn’t judge you.

“Next customer please.”

It was your turn, but you felt yourself freeze in the spot. A sharp ringing began in your ears and the environment around you became blurred as if it was all happening all at once.

A familiar pair of warm arms wrapped around you, embracing you from behind gently. It broke you out from your episode, and suddenly you felt relieved again.

“Hey babe, it’s our turn silly.”

Sunghoon had returned just in time, but you felt like it had taken him forever. You looked up at him with weary eyes as he let go and took the basket from you, putting it up on the register counter. He then turned back to you and tucked your hair away from your face and behind your left ear.

“Love, how about you wait on that bench outside for me?” His eyes scanned yours, feeling guilty for leaving you alone like that.

And so you did wait patiently as he checked out, paid, and came out from the bustling mini store. You got up from the bench and he instantly reached for your hand, neatly quilting the gaps between each of your fingers with his own. He had such pretty hands- you were sure they were built especially just for yours.

“I’m so sorry for taking so long, my love. There were these annoying kids that just wouldn’t get out of the way,” he apologised sincerely, “I would’ve pushed them over or kicked them in the back of the legs if it wasn't, like, borderline illegal.”

“It’s okay,” you sighed, still disappointed in yourself.

“I’m proud of you,” he smiled.

Like that one friend who can’t read a room for the life of them, a street salesperson rushed over and began to speak to the pair of you.

Sunghoon squeezed your hand tight and pulled you a little bit behind himself- protecting you and shielding you away from them.

“We’re busy,” Sunghoon brushed them off and continued to walk with you.

But they began to follow, “Just five minutes of your time sir-“

Sunghoon stopped abruptly and looked them in the eyes with a threatening glance, “I’m sorry, did you not hear me?”

“Ah, I understand sir. Have a nice day,” they had suddenly changed their mind.

Sunghoon stepped forward toward them, “Move.”

Finally, the salesperson walked away, leaving you alone. Sunghoon still held your hand securely as you continued your interrupted journey toward the car together.

You looked at him as you walked, “what was that about?”

“What was what about?”

“That just now- what happened to always talking to people gently, Mr. Nice guy?” You mocked him.

“That was an exception. They were annoying, and came way too close to you,” he grunted.

Eventually, you arrived at the car and settled yourselves inside. You were the passenger princess, of course.

You felt Sunghoon’s gaze on you as you put your seatbelt on. Your instincts must have been strong because as soon as you turned your head, your eyes met Sunghoon’s again- staring right at you from the driver's seat with a sly smile.

“What?” You raised an eyebrow.

Sunghoon leaned forward, inching close to your lips, just not far enough forward to touch them with his own yet. Still close, his eyes trailed back up from your mouth to your eyes, “I’m sorry again,” he whispered before finally leaning in all the way and giving you a kiss full of apologies.

It wasn’t really his fault, but you wouldn’t reject a kiss from him, no matter the circumstance. So, you just melted into it.

You could feel his smile widen against your lips as he began to softly chuckle to himself.

You pulled away, “what’s so funny?”

Sunghoon chuckled more, “It's just, I was only gone for like, less than two minutes.”

“So?”

“So… you really missed me then huh,” he smiled mischievously.

You rolled your eyes and softly pushed him away, “You’re so annoying.”

“I guess we need to be glued to each other,” he continued.

“Y’all hear something?” you asked an imaginary audience.

Sunghoon snatched your arm and grabbed your hand, “we have to hold hands forever. Sorry!” He kept teasing.

“Hoon. Just DRIVE.”

Later on, you were all snuggled up in your bed alone with your laptop, watching yet another winter movie in the middle of October. It was one of the best feelings, being all wrapped up in blankets and fresh clean PJ’s. No responsibilities to take care of as of right now.

The door creaked open and Sunghoon slid his head into the room with a grin, “What are you up to?”

You looked at the time on your screen and back up at Sunghoon, “You’re still here? Aren’t you going to be late for that thing you’re supposed to be going to?”

“I decided not to go,” he came into the room fully, hands behind his back.

“Well, why not? Are you feeling sick?”

“No, my love, I would just rather spend time with you more than anyone else tonight. So I cancelled,” he approached the side of the bed.

You noticed his hands hidden away, you could only assume he had something, “what’s that?”

“What’s what?”

You squinted suspiciously, “Hoon.”

“Okay, okay. Give me your hands,” he pulled out a selection of some of your favourite sweet treats from behind him and slid them into your hands.

“When did you get these?”

“When I left you in the line. I refuse to leave you empty-handed.”

You smiled, “I didn’t even notice.”

He gave you a peck on the forehead. Then, he slid into the bed sheets next to you with a huge cheesy smile.

“So what are we watching?”

end note: all feedback/notes are appreciated! thank you so much for reading ^^ !! ALSO HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THE ORANGE BLOOD CONCEPT TRAILER? I WAS FLABBERGASTED. if you haven’t, you’re missing out. i’m so excited for this comeback.

[s0lar-ch3ri]

drey ferin analysis lets go (im already knowing im gonna tag vixen @bizlybebo its your boy) (spoilers for like. all of riptide maybe we'll see where we go)

so like. mister drey right. hes lost bits of his memory to the sea, yet its so interesting to me how he doesnt forget the face of the boy he kinda helped raise for a bit and his niece who he hadnt seen in a longer time then chip (i dont remember for sure if he remembered them on sight so if im wrong uh. i can explain this with analysis power trust!!!!!!!). he didnt let go of whats important to him, yet he lost all he could, including those important things. he doesnt even seem to stop losing, seeing as chips fucking dead without much hope of getting him back. hes lost his arms, yet hes still kicking, cause thats all he can really do right now. ride out the tides and hope to not sink, cause surely hed have to learn how to swim without the knowledge built into him prior.

lets say i forgot that he didnt recognize them at first. i think he did. somewhere in him did. he just didnt want to believe it. itd been too long since hes seen something good, he knew aster liked toying around by giving someone good things and dragging them away. yet he found it real, and i think with that, despite all thats happened to him, dreys hopeful. he has good faith in the world to me, atleast i believe that, cause hes able to have chip back and his niece again and things may not be the best but hes able to look up and not see a dark room (metaphorically and actually).

i also think a bit about how hes sorta seperated from the rest of his family, and has the look for it too. hes rugged, hes not so formal, hes more freed out then the others. he also btw looks nothing like jayson. like. maybe with mae and shit id get more but like. its very interesting how he bares little to no resemblence to jayson. i honestly cant think of any actual analysis reason for this, maybe ill let my silly little drey ferin president take over on that remark /silly /nf

anyways thats all i got drey ferin peculiar bisexual gudbye

[waybacks-swag-awards]

WELCOME TO WAYBACK’S SWAG AWARDS!

(art by lyss! thank you!)

Hey there gang, it's me, your boy — DJ Wayback! I've decided that during my time off I'll be hosting this totally awesome competition — to decide on who the swaggiest, scrunkliest, blorboest and etcetera Iterator is! As the host, I unfortunately won't be able to participate, but there's a lot of other Iterators who definitely qualify for the Swag Awards! Do you already have someone in mind? Bad news! Submissions are closed!

There's actually some rules to this thing, but, uh, I forgot to read them, so I'll let my manager take over in a bit! And remember, it's all in good fun! The real swag is the friends we made along the way (back)!

RULES (I PROMISE THERE ARE NOT MUCH):

1. You have to submit an Iterator OC askblog that either belongs to you OR that you're a fan of!

2. You can submit several characters from the same askblog!

3. Please don't spam/send the same character over and over again, I can tell you with at least a 80% guarantee that just one submission will get your scringly in!

4. Once the event starts (and if you feel like doing it), you can spread your Iterator OC blorbo agenda by tagging it with #iteratorocblorboganda (as well as mentioning this account) and I'll reblog it to Enlighten The People!

5. Submissions will be open for 48 hours!

6. Be civil and nice, don't put others down, remember that this is all for fun and is just a silly little event that was made on a whim etc etc. If you have any questions feel free to ask!

[wrylu]

This is the ask me thing and I forgot to send it to u whoops

🎀 - I consider you a friend already!

we are so besties. 💗

—

🌼 - We do talk, and I’m glad we do!

I'M GLAD WE TALK AS WELL!! i feel very grateful i get to talk to such a wonderful person??? not to mention skilled artist. like hello

—

🌠 - I think we have a lot in common!

me too!! (counting) absolutely dominating the nikprice tag.. super cool artist.. silly personas & ocs? ✅✅✅ we basically have the same energy

—

🌙 - You have a good sense of humour!

WHAT?? i've been called funny a couple times but the way this is phrased just hits me right in my chest cavity. i think you have good sense of humour too (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

—

🎼 - I think you’re talented!

nuh uh, you're more talented-er. NO BECAUSE HOW AM I MOOTS WITH YOU??? THE MARCEL? ugh. (no really, THANK YOU??? mon cheri, you're too nice.)

[aemiron-main]

Hey @lesbianmindflayer I know these tags are about me, so I just wanted to address them because every day I’m haunted by the production error allegations.

Let’s go through what you’ve listed here regarding stuff I’ve analyzed.

1.) the blood splatters.

I went through this whole thing already. You can find it here. I'm not rehashing it right now because I literally don't have time.

2.) stand-ins for child actors.

It would be one thing if this happened once with one child actor. But the position of the bodies ALL CHANGE drastically at the same time, and even if it WAS just an adult stand-in for this one, why not gouge out his eyes? Especially since they have exact patterns for all of the blood on the kids’ eyes.

And especially since that shot where his eyes are closed is one of the shots where it ISNT frame by frame and instead, we get a CLEAR, sustained shot of that guy, because that’s the scene where Brenner opens the door.

And like I said, we see bodies all change patterns in-sync, and the blood splatters on the wall change at the same time too.

These are all drastically different despite supposedly being the same kid. It's not just a one-time difference with a stand-in, even the fucking standins are different from eachother.

And what about the child that straight up DISAPPEARS between shots at the same time that the furniture ALSO changes?

I guess they just. Forgot. To put that kid in there. And then didn’t notice during editing. And then also just were feeling silly and goofy and moved the chairs and camera and then moved them back afterwards.

I’m well aware of human errors. What I’m saying is that there is substantial BTS pictures and interviews that indicate that these specific details are not human error. I have yet to see you provide the same sort of evidence.

And uh. Thanks for the condescending reminder to stay humble, I guess? I could say the same to you with your apparent belief that your own personal filmmaking knowledge trumps what the actual ST production team has said about their work.

Like, sorry for the bitchy post but next time you want to poke at my theories and basically call me egotistical/that I need to stay humble, just try @ing me next time. Weren’t you the one complaining that peoples’ attitudes made you not want to share your mindflayer theories? Way to repeat the same behaviour. Thanks, I guess. 👍 You say you’re not going to burst peoples’ bubbles but then imply that they’re egotistical for looking into these things, so it’s a bit contradictory.

Maybe try humbling yourself a bit first.

[shadylex]

Nine people you'd like to know better

tagged by @yansurnummu thank you so so much!

3 ships

Lets goooooo, starting off with one that lives rent free in my head is Yera/Teldryn.

I forgot when but I didn't immediately get interested in Teldryn even after the Dragonborn DLC came out. It was a fic that had him as a side character that got me interested, then I started looking up other Ao3 fics with him in it and it's all I think about when daydreaming about Yera.

Yera by the time she gets to Solstheim has already gone through two world ending events and is super tired and ready to kick this Miraak character's ass and isn't with her friend Lydia at the moment so she needs to hire a mercenary to guide her around on account she is blind and uh oh. Good with a sword with a handsome voice? Basically got a crush on him second 1 and it's downhill from there.

Working on like an intro fic for the two of them but I can never seem to get it right but it'll get there one day.

Next is Yera/Miraak funnily enough, I am not alone in wanting that old book man. I just think that with Yera's incredibly strong personality and also probably kicking his ass while saving him would mesh well with him. I also have the thought that if Yera hung around Miraak long enough, he would convince her of taking the Rudy Throne on the base that they both are Dragon soul so they ought to rule everything.

But what if Yera had two hands, and she held hands with Teldryn and Miraak in the same house wouldn't that be wild haha... unless?

And my last ship is silly, but only because I recently re-watched Full Metal Alchemist but it's Miles/Olivier Armstrong. I love the Briggs portion of the show so much, I usually start there when I want a quick rewatch of the show. I just think they're neat, and people write some fun fics about them together so I'm having a lot of fun going through them and yeah.

First ship Had to be my oc/canon pairing Lexen/Riku from Kingdom Hearts. Lexen is my oldest most precious OC who has gone through some drastic changes in life that she is unrecognizable in the beginning and I'm almost embarrassed by the ship but I was like 14 and Riku was edgy and that's the kind of characters I liked so I could never exist haha

Last song 6.24 by Danger (Furi OST) I heard this song being used as a fight montage song and I had to find the original and welp I'm listening to a bunch of synth songs now

Currently reading Nothing at the moment, however my partner has the Elric of Melnibone series I got them for Christmas and they're done with them now, so it's my turn to read them!

Last film Me and my partner went to watch Godzilla Minus One and omfg that was so so scary a movie but also how do you have a monster film be also about survivors guild its so so good I highly recommend watching it as soon as you can!

Currently craving

We have so many noodles in the house right now but I was craving some instant noodles something fierce a few minutes ago. I opted to go with some pico de gallo I made as a before bed snack but the noodles... they call for me in my dreams

Tagging @icicleteeth @scalecallerpeak @khajiitclaws and whoever else wants to join in

[uraniumnm333]

HELP I FORGOT MAJOR LORE WHAT,, okay so like the protagonists are connected to their group from the original pjsk game in one way or another !!

ichika is the main character ofc but she mainly hangs out with honami and helped honamelon and shiho make up their friendship (past platonic breakup,, sadge) while saki also tags in soo they all become friends :DDD

minori is a silly lil witch!!! she is housemates with haruka, who is a hunter and hunts meat hahahaha. she also grew airi, and helps shizuku occasionally! they all meet once a month for a tea party <3

kohane met an first while kitsune an was stealing her bread lolz and then they both met akitoya. which is hilarious btw because toya was the former prince of the other nation so he instantly recognized an and was like "oh you're that wanted thief in my old nation" and an's like "OHSHITOHSHIT" but it's okay because they all become friends

yk the polysho lore,, the rest of wxs falls in love with tsukasa and fall in love with eaachother too

kanade is the receptionist for the knights with the zamuza outfit cause that card SLAPS YOOO and she keeps on seeing these three depressed idiots barge in the most. "return your book now k. thank you." "hi k can you pls give me some art supplies? ik your like a knight and all but yeahh ummmm also tell akito to fuck off tyty!" "HEY BITCH (affectionate) can i have sewing supplies plsplspslsp" it's absolute chaos

and uh, miku's kinda just there watching over everyone. she knows what everyone is.

shiho and akito were childhood friends. because i said so. they both decided to be a knight together. also i don't talk a lot about shiho but she's so aroace we love her.

also a BIG part of the lore (that happened during the main plot with ichika) is that the tenmas were holding an outdoor festival!! like a holiday for them BUT THEN the aoyagis sorta crashed it and turned it into a massacre! rui already got poisoned before this, but here's where akito almost dies and gets stabbed my god. a bunch of commoners died too yeah,,

akito also almost died like years before that from exhaustion. nothing new.

uhm. yeah

WRITE

A

FANFIC

PLEASE

[shinelikethunder]

Some feedback from a longtime user that's hopefully a bit less reflexively hostile than most of what I've seen:

A couple of your devs have made reassuring posts on their own blogs that chronological feed isn't going anywhere, Tumblr is just expanding on alternatives to it that might be friendlier to new users. I'm going to take that at face value and assume y'all already know that fucking with the availability of chronological feed would be tantamount to waging GLOBAL THERMONUCLEAR WAR on your existing core userbase. But if you didn't, uh, here's yet another heads-up: don't fuck with the availability of a pure chronological feed.

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for Tumblr to be branching out into a wider variety of algorithmic feeds and recommendations, as long as it doesn't nerf existing functionality. I sometimes check out the "For You" feed when I'm bored and all caught up on my "Following" page, and it's surprisingly OK. It'd be nice to have some ways to signal "stop recommending stuff like this to me" or "remove X topic from my recommendations" that don't involve blocking users or globally filtering tags, though. And that'll become more important if this does lead to an uptick in active users and more people start getting aggravated, both by being recommended stuff they hate and by having their posts paraded in front of hostile eyeballs.

But my main comment here is: please, please, please, for the love of god, try to reel new users in by enticing rather than coercing them. And PLEASE minimize the amount of coercion that's going to blow back on existing users. Biggest concerns:

Login walls. Stop. Just stop. Everybody fucking hates them. They drive people away out of pure spite. Just LOOK at what Elon did to Twitter recently. If I can't give a logged-out friend a link to my own blog or my own post without them getting login-walled halfway down the page, that massively reduces Tumblr's value to ME, an existing user who wants a place I can host some of my shit where people will actually be able to access it. Login-walling the blog archive was already a dick move, tbh, but further encroachment is just going to drive people away.

TUMBLR IS ALREADY TOO AGGRESSIVE ABOUT PUSH NOTIFICATIONS. I have them turned off across the board because I already access Tumblr for an embarrassing amount of time almost every single day! And yet every time I pull up the Activity page on the Android app you're wasting my attention AND screen real estate with some passive-aggressively thuggish "Looks like you forgot to turn on push notifications for this blog, you silly goose!" banner that has no "dismiss" option or way to say no to it. (Even fucking DoorDash has the decency to take "no" as an answer!) The only way to make it go away is to pretend to agree with it and then immediately exit out of the push notification settings. That's some resentment-stoking dark-pattern shit and it gives me road rage just thinking about it.

Not to mention HAVING PUSH NOTIFICATIONS AS BLOCKED AS I CAN GET THEM somehow doesn't even STOP Tumblr from spamming me with them every single time I create, edit, or reblog a post. So please, please, please, if you're experimenting with this to improve new-user retention, spare a thought for the people who have EXPLICITLY OPTED OUT of as much notification spam as they're able. Don't make them hate you. Don't make your app a liability to them. Please.

By contrast, I'd love to be able to opt into notification emails about replies, reblog comments, asks, and other text interactions on my posts or blogs, to peruse them at my leisure and have an archive of them for later. But for some reason whenever I've tried in the past they never seem to reach me. (And PLEASE DO NOT spam me with emails about daring to have push notifications turned off, for the love of god. No, I don't want to be auto-subscribed to your fucking mailing list, and if there's no unsubscribe link that actually works, your emails ARE gonna get reported as both spam and violations of US federal law. By me, if no one else.)

Tumblr’s Core Product Strategy

Here at Tumblr, we’ve been working hard on reorganizing how we work in a bid to gain more users. A larger user base means a more sustainable company, and means we get to stick around and do this thing with you all a bit longer. What follows is the strategy we're using to accomplish the goal of user growth. The @labs group has published a bit already, but this is bigger. We’re publishing it publicly for the first time, in an effort to work more transparently with all of you in the Tumblr community. This strategy provides guidance amid limited resources, allowing our teams to focus on specific key areas to ensure Tumblr’s future.

The Diagnosis

In order for Tumblr to grow, we need to fix the core experience that makes Tumblr a useful place for users. The underlying problem is that Tumblr is not easy to use. Historically, we have expected users to curate their feeds and lean into curating their experience. But this expectation introduces friction to the user experience and only serves a small portion of our audience. 

Tumblr’s competitive advantage lies in its unique content and vibrant communities. As the forerunner of internet culture, Tumblr encompasses a wide range of interests, such as entertainment, art, gaming, fandom, fashion, and music. People come to Tumblr to immerse themselves in this culture, making it essential for us to ensure a seamless connection between people and content. 

To guarantee Tumblr’s continued success, we’ve got to prioritize fostering that seamless connection between people and content. This involves attracting and retaining new users and creators, nurturing their growth, and encouraging frequent engagement with the platform.

Our Guiding Principles

To enhance Tumblr’s usability, we must address these core guiding principles.

Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.

Provide high-quality content with every app launch.

Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.

Retain and grow our creator base.

Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.

Improve the platform’s performance, stability, and quality.

Below is a deep dive into each of these principles.

Principle 1: Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.

Tumblr has a “top of the funnel” issue in converting non-users into engaged logged-in users. We also have not invested in industry standard SEO practices to ensure a robust top of the funnel. The referral traffic that we do get from external sources is dispersed across different pages with inconsistent user experiences, which results in a missed opportunity to convert these users into regular Tumblr users. For example, users from search engines often land on pages within the blog network and blog view—where there isn’t much of a reason to sign up. 

We need to experiment with logged-out tumblr.com to ensure we are capturing the highest potential conversion rate for visitors into sign-ups and log-ins. We might want to explore showing the potential future user the full breadth of content that Tumblr has to offer on our logged-out pages. We want people to be able to easily understand the potential behind Tumblr without having to navigate multiple tabs and pages to figure it out. Our current logged-out explore page does very little to help users understand “what is Tumblr.” which is a missed opportunity to get people excited about joining the site.

Actions & Next Steps

Improving Tumblr’s search engine optimization (SEO) practices to be in line with industry standards.

Experiment with logged out tumblr.com to achieve the highest conversion rate for sign-ups and log-ins, explore ways for visitors to “get” Tumblr and entice them to sign up.

Principle 2: Provide high-quality content with every app launch.

We need to ensure the highest quality user experience by presenting fresh and relevant content tailored to the user’s diverse interests during each session. If the user has a bad content experience, the fault lies with the product.

The default position should always be that the user does not know how to navigate the application. Additionally, we need to ensure that when people search for content related to their interests, it is easily accessible without any confusing limitations or unexpected roadblocks in their journey.

Being a 15-year-old brand is tough because the brand carries the baggage of a person’s preconceived impressions of Tumblr. On average, a user only sees 25 posts per session, so the first 25 posts have to convey the value of Tumblr: it is a vibrant community with lots of untapped potential. We never want to leave the user believing that Tumblr is a place that is stale and not relevant. 

Actions & Next Steps

Deliver great content each time the app is opened.

Make it easier for users to understand where the vibrant communities on Tumblr are. 

Improve our algorithmic ranking capabilities across all feeds. 

Principle 3: Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.

Part of Tumblr’s charm lies in its capacity to showcase the evolution of conversations and the clever remarks found within reblog chains and replies. Engaging in these discussions should be enjoyable and effortless.

Unfortunately, the current way that conversations work on Tumblr across replies and reblogs is confusing for new users. The limitations around engaging with individual reblogs, replies only applying to the original post, and the inability to easily follow threaded conversations make it difficult for users to join the conversation.

Actions & Next Steps

Address the confusion within replies and reblogs.

Improve the conversational posting features around replies and reblogs. 

Allow engagements on individual replies and reblogs.

Make it easier for users to follow the various conversation paths within a reblog thread. 

Remove clutter in the conversation by collapsing reblog threads. 

Explore the feasibility of removing duplicate reblogs within a user’s Following feed. 

Principle 4: Retain and grow our creator base.

Creators are essential to the Tumblr community. However, we haven’t always had a consistent and coordinated effort around retaining, nurturing, and growing our creator base.  

Being a new creator on Tumblr can be intimidating, with a high likelihood of leaving or disappointment upon sharing creations without receiving engagement or feedback. We need to ensure that we have the expected creator tools and foster the rewarding feedback loops that keep creators around and enable them to thrive.

The lack of feedback stems from the outdated decision to only show content from followed blogs on the main dashboard feed (“Following”), perpetuating a cycle where popular blogs continue to gain more visibility at the expense of helping new creators. To address this, we need to prioritize supporting and nurturing the growth of new creators on the platform.

It is also imperative that creators, like everyone on Tumblr, feel safe and in control of their experience. Whether it be an ask from the community or engagement on a post, being successful on Tumblr should never feel like a punishing experience.

Actions & Next Steps

Get creators’ new content in front of people who are interested in it. 

Improve the feedback loop for creators, incentivizing them to continue posting.

Build mechanisms to protect creators from being spammed by notifications when they go viral.

Expand ways to co-create content, such as by adding the capability to embed Tumblr links in posts.

Principle 5: Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.

Push notifications and emails are essential tools to increase user engagement, improve user retention, and facilitate content discovery. Our strategy of reaching out to you, the user, should be well-coordinated across product, commercial, and marketing teams.

Our messaging strategy needs to be personalized and adapt to a user’s shifting interests. Our messages should keep users in the know on the latest activity in their community, as well as keeping Tumblr top of mind as the place to go for witty takes and remixes of the latest shows and real-life events.  

Most importantly, our messages should be thoughtful and should never come across as spammy.  

Actions & Next Steps

Conduct an audit of our messaging strategy.

Address the issue of notifications getting too noisy; throttle, collapse or mute notifications where necessary.  

Identify opportunities for personalization within our email messages. 

Test what the right daily push notification limit is. 

Send emails when a user has push notifications switched off.

Principle 6: Performance, stability and quality.

The stability and performance of our mobile apps have declined. There is a large backlog of production issues, with more bugs created than resolved over the last 300 days. If this continues, roughly one new unresolved production issue will be created every two days. Apps and backend systems that work well and don't crash are the foundation of a great Tumblr experience. Improving performance, stability, and quality will help us achieve sustainable operations for Tumblr.

Improve performance and stability: deliver crash-free, responsive, and fast-loading apps on Android, iOS, and web.

Improve quality: deliver the highest quality Tumblr experience to our users. 

Move faster: provide APIs and services to unblock core product initiatives and launch new features coming out of Labs.

Conclusion

Our mission has always been to empower the world’s creators. We are wholly committed to ensuring Tumblr evolves in a way that supports our current users while improving areas that attract new creators, artists, and users. You deserve a digital home that works for you. You deserve the best tools and features to connect with your communities on a platform that prioritizes the easy discoverability of high-quality content. This is an invigorating time for Tumblr, and we couldn’t be more excited about our current strategy.

[sithwitch13]

Mystery Wrestling X 9/8/24

Time for silly fun good times while I work on a baby blanket.

IT HAS BEGUN

Oh my god is it a ref fight IT IS A REF FIGHT

REFEREE MIKE

The yellow shoes, I screeched

I may actually love that diagnosed piece of shit

They are instinctively refereeing I am going to die

"Where did this guy come from?"

"This is an orgy of officials." "A harem, some would say."

Omg Man Like Dereiss???

I get the urge to listen to "Here Comes the Hotstepper" every time Macrae Martin shows up.

I'm not entirely sure how we got on the topic of Baby's Day Out, but here we are

Uno screaming "DON'T SUPPORT THIS" is killing me

"We already stood up. I'm not doing it a second time."

I'm not immediately familiar with either of these tag teams but they look fun.

"So much pointing to genitals today."

"2024 is a genital year."

Microman time!

SNEKMAN!!!!

The ref looking at the streamers like "wtf am I supposed to do with this"

The "That's not nice!" chant us the most stereotypically Canadian thing and it's beautiful

"I would love to pass on that what he's doing is pointless, but, uh... we don't have the budget."

"RJ said that the best way to celebrate David Arquette's birthday today is to be far away from him."

Aww, please sell a sexy calendar, Uno

Ooh, Tabernak de Trio! And a guitar!

I absolutely did not expect blood, but the spirit of All Out continues.

"Who needs a big oily man on a shirt?" UM, ME. I DO.

Uno and RJ talking about weird kinks they wish they had is the best thing in the world.

COWBOY MIKE

Another cure! A better one, with a slightly different set of rules!

Oh oops never mind

Wait! A new one! With even more new rules!

Aww they're having A Moment

The Saga of Psycho Mike is right up there with other current storylines across all of wrestling.

NOT THE NEEDLE WE HAVE ALREADY SEEN HOW THAT TURNS OUT YESTERDAY

RJ trying to leave lol

LONDON LIGHTNING TIME!

ALSO CECIL NYX!!!

All Out vibes continue with Literally A Deathmatch!

Aww RJ is tired of watching murder

"I forgot to see if we could livestream murder, can we do that?"

THE ROCK LOL

PLATIC BAG!!!

"Is that a pillow?" "I believe that is an actual pillow."

CHEST COMPRESSIONS

TOASTER

POISON MIST

BEES

"DO NOT CHEER ON THE BEES!" "DO NOT AGGRAVATE THE BEES!"

SWORDS?!

LIGHTER FLUID

I'm deceased, I am the one who is dead here

RIP London Lightning from the future

*sarah mclachlan begins playing but only in my head because uno can't afford the broadcast rights*

Okay no post-match hangout for me because I need to cook dinner

[cattles-bians]

'our exes are dating' damie AU part 2

post directory

em: jamies like, sitting w her head in her hands wearing big stompy boots and flannel going god dani our exes are dating. we’re Stereotypes (danis like well. i will hold my tongue about the outfit but technically their exes are also dating)

obsetress: "what about my outfit?" "nothing baby, you look very cute”

obsetress: ok but dani and jamie finding out rebecca and vi are dating and jamie's immediately calling owen like "mate."

em: i am so thinking of making the bly manor au version of The Chart from the l word

em: owens like who haven’t u dated at this point n jamies like oi (quietly) u know i get nervous around girls

em: owen we can’t ALL be Married to hannah grose

obsetress: jamie can't stand vi most of the time like you said but she definitely had a drunken one night stand with perdita

obsetress: they were both young and lonely and had something to prove

obsetress: ok but imagine vi and rebecca are having some holiday party at their fancy ass apartment and dani and jamie are showing up and perdita is there and viola's like "dani, you remember my sister. jamie, this is–– jamie? perdi? are you okay?”

obsetress: perdita pulling vi aside later and hissing "that's her! that... jamie, that's her" "who?" "that... that girl i told you about, vi, the one who––" "the one who insisted on buying you breakfast but then never called you back?" “yes"

em: jamie......

obsetress: she wants to be so nice and so soft but then…

obsetress: also they stayed over at perdi's and she was sober enough the next morning to realize what a trust fund baby flat looks like

em: jamie viola acquaintances to enemies to. nope still enemies

jamie: dunno what the fuss was about. not like i stole anything

dani: sorry what

dani: why would you even think... did you?

jamie: what? don’t be ridiculous.

jamie: i cut that shit out years ago

obsetress: in vi and rebecca's lavishly furnished guest bedroom later that night…

dani, whispering: we could, you know

jamie, half asleep next to her: wot

dani: steal something. they wouldn't miss it

jamie: dani, we can't just––

dani: that print over there is nice though, isn't it?

dani: would look nicer at ours

em: the most illegal thing dani has done is smoke a joint so she’s READY

obsetress: she is ITCHING obsetress: anyway they absolutely take it and the next time vi and rebecca come to theirs for "a quaint, country weekend" viola doesn't even notice, but rebecca squints at it for a minute

em: sjhfjsh,afasf

obsetress: be gay, do crime -dani clayton, probably

obsetress: new crack headcanon: dani always trying to rope jamie into doing benign little gay crimes with her

obsetress: smoking a joint, stealing vi and rebecca's print, stealing owen's veggies

em: jamies like babe u know i’ve. been to prison right. i don’t really want to- and danis like no i only mean SMALL crimes

em: Funny Crimes

em: jamies like oh well actually i love fucking with viola i’m in

obsetress: the only thing that could convince jamie

obsetress: jamie's like "what if we replace viola's green tea with that silly detox green tea" and dani is just like

obsetress: "i see you trying and i love you so much for that"

em: i am wheezing at ‘what if we gave viola laxatives’

dani: she has a delicate constitution she’d know Immediately

jamie: (eating some suspiciously old leftovers) rich people are fucked

em: jamie: i’m gonna rearrange her books

obsetress: dani visibly cringes

obsetress: ”don't tell me that's gonna bother you too" "i–– nO"

em: full on greenhouse scene pphht. no?!

obsetress: flashback to: dani and viola rearranging her library for fun on a rainy day

em: jamie: i’m gonna buy cleanskin wine and put expensive labels on it

dani: now THATS funny

obsetress: full on jamie taylor bootlegging operation

[later edit: cleanskin wine is an Australian/New Zealand term for cheap unlabelled wine.]

obsetress: jamie: look, dani, you went from bootlicker to bootlegger

dani: hey!

em: relabelling garbage wine for fun and profit

em: viola does that wine sniffing thing and she’s like mm. do i detect some notes of willow. a lovely cultivar and damie are trying. so hard not to lose it

obsetress: rebecca side eying the two of them

obsetress: what is friendship if not just exes fucking with each other

em: so true bestie

obsetress: omg final thought before i ptfo on the book rearranging

obsetress: when they were together dani def suggested to vi that she organize her shelves by color and viola just stared at her in horror

obsetress: ”i know americans are illiterate dani, but really?" "and i know the british are notorious snobs, but seriously?"

obsetress: (it is not as toxic as it sounds. they're mostly just snarking at each other and end up kissing against a bookcase like half a minute later)

obsetress: and just. imagine how happy viola is when rebecca moves in with her massive collection of russian poetry volumes and automatically just starts slotting them in in alphabetical order by author's last name

obsetress: vs. at dani and jamie's where jamie just leaves books where she leaves them and lets dani take care of the rest

em: at mike don’t worry we will meaningfully flesh out ur side characters

audacity: anyway I'm slipping away from work for 1 minute to say leftist jamie and liberal vi still lives in my head rent fucking free thanks to y'all because it's literally—

audacity: i am kindly asking it to stay In My Head

em: ‘liberal vs leftist ding ding ding round one fight’ has been RUNNING around my head

em: viola saying landlords provide a valuable service wrt housing and resources and dani has to HOLD jamie back

audacity: vi: capitalism is an important aspect of our society since it provides much-needed inspiration for the working class—

obsetress: five times jamie and viola got into a fight at their standing damvibecca biweekly dinner and one time they didn’t

---[bonus:]---

em: i wanna believe jamie and viola realise they both have an incredibly niche interest in common, and jamie HATES this (violas like oh ho ho i have charmed this jamie taylor, she absolutely has not) but i can’t figure out what the fuck the interest would be

em: maybe maybe some intersection of storytelling and folklore and ghost stories but i cannot figure it out

obsetress: jamie hates it but suddenly she’s been talking to viola about rural hauntings in northern england and viola’s been talking to her about rural hauntings in southern england and two hours have gone by

em: dani: it’s nice to see you guys get along :)

jamie: ……… >:/

[blog-name-idk]

Everything Falls (Into Place) | 07

*Banner by the incredible @bangtansmauyeondan

Pairing: OT7 x Fem Reader

Genre: College!AU, Roommate!AU, Fluff, Humor, Smut

Summary: Your new roommates are unbearably nice and unbearably hot. Good thing you're an adult who is fully capable of platonic friendships with the opposite sex, right?

Word Count: 624

~~~~~

Jimin What movie are we watching for Festa night??

Hobi Nothing scary please 😥

Jungkook Be a man, hyung

You What is Festa night?

Jin Only the most wonderful time of the year! Namjoon, did you not tell her?

Namjoon Sorry [y/n], I can't believe I forgot We try to designate one weekend every semester to a full group hang Friday is dinner + movie night Saturday is boozy brunch + recovery Sunday is responsible stuff

You Huh, that's actually a really cute tradition. I hope you guys have fun!

Jungkook Do you already have plans this weekend?

You Not yet, but I can figure something out! Don't worry, I won't crash bro night

Yoongi you're invited dumbass

Jimin You're one of us now, silly!

You Aw you guys, I'm so happy to be an honorary bro <333 Jin, are you gonna cook? Do you want any help?

Jin I am blessed with a kind, beautiful, considerate wife-bro Guys, take note

Namjoon I can help!

Jin Thank you Namjoon You can help the most by staying out of my kitchen But I appreciate the consideration

You Wait, does Jin do all the cooking for Friday AND Saturday? That's kinda fucked up

Namjoon I could help…

Hobi Brunch is on the rest of us!

Jimin We're not THAT selfish :(

You Hey you can't blame me for assuming, it's not like anyone else ever cooks around here

Jin [Y/n] <3333333

Jungkook I can cook I just choose not to

Jin Wow

Yoongi let's be real, hobi and i make the food tae makes coffee and jimin and jk make mimosas and margaritas

Namjoon I want to help… Am I useless?

Jimin What?! No, of course not!

Jungkook Of course not hyung, there's a reason we call you our leader

Namjoon But you guys never let me do anything to help Do I really ruin everything?

Yoongi fuck guys we made namjoon sad

You Joon, I'm having problems starting my art history paper It's on the juxtaposition of traditional and postwar Japanese culture and how the dichotomy is still portrayed in contemporary art today I need you :(

Namjoon OMG I have the perfect reference book for you! Let me go find it!

You Oh! If it's not the photobook you showed me before, could you bring that too? … Namjoon?

Yoongi i think he's gone

Taehyung You didn't tell me you were taking an art history class!

You That's because I'm not

Hobi [Y/n], have we ever mentioned how much we love you? Because we love you soooo much <33333

You Not enough ;)

Taehyung We love you [y/n] <3

Jimin [Y/n] you're the best! <3

Jungkook [Y/n] you're almost as amazing as me <3

Jin [Y/n] you're almost as beautiful as me <3

Hobi Ahem, Yoongi-hyung

Yoongi … fine <3

You … I'll take it

Jungkook Yeah you will

You JEON JUNGKOOK! You did NOT just say that to me

Jimin Oooooo Kookie's in trouble

Taehyung Oh, we almost forgot the most important thing! [Y/n], do you own any pajamas?

You Uh, like sweatpants?

Jimin Rule 1 is that festa is a weekend-long pajama party They have to be legit pjs

You I love it, it sounds adorable I don't have any though :( If I even wear anything to sleep it's just like a shirt

Jungkook klojl

You ?

Jungkook I dropped my phone

Hobi You can borrow some of mine!

Taehyung Or mine!

Jin Back off ovules She's MY wife, she'll borrow mine I have the best selection, anyway

Jimin Hyung, she'll drown in your clothes You can borrow mine! You'll look perfect!

Jungkook Yeah bc you're the same size

Yoongi lmao

Jimin Jeon, let's take this offline

Taehyung RIP Kookie

~~~~~

Next | Masterlist

Tags: @singukieee

[doctorstethoscope]

The Right Chapter 3 || Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader

Hey gang, I wanted to give y’all another update this week because I know there wasn’t a lot of hotch in the last chapter. This is a long one! 

Read previous chapters here!

wordcount: 3.6k

warnings: canon-typical harassment and violence, swearing

tagging: @the-modernmary @greeneyedblondie44 @angelic-kisses13 @wanniiieeee

It’s closer to the afternoon than the morning when you finally get out of bed the next day. Aaron had set you up in his guest room before going to bed himself, and had dutifully woken you up every two hours. You emerged into the kitchen to see him sitting at the table with his laptop open, surely working even though he was technically out on sick leave. 

“Good morning” he says when he sees you appear in the doorway. “The coffee’s still hot, if you want some. I don’t have any RedBull, though.” 

You rolled your eyes as you crossed the kitchen to make yourself a cup. “Is it still morning? It feels like I must have slept through the whole day.”

“Well, you needed it. Long night.” He tells you, and you let out a little hum in response. “Hey, uh. Your cell phone is on the counter. It was making a lot of noise and I didn’t want it to wake you.” he admits sheepishly. “I didn’t read anything, but Josh’s name popped up a lot.”

You pouted a little. “I guess I did kind of just disappear. I probably owe him an explanation,” you said, crossing the kitchen and picking your phone up.

“You don’t owe him a god damned thing.” Hotch said a little harshly, but you knew his tone wasn’t aimed towards you. 

You powered your phone on-- Hotch must have turned it on after he took it. 13 missed calls and 27 texts, sheesh. Not all of them are from Josh, thankfully. You shoot a quick text back to JJ, Garcia and Emily, who had all individually checked in when you didn’t show up at the office. With a little more trepidation, you opened up your thread with Josh. 

“Where are you?”

“You never came to bed last night.”

“Off fucking the boss man?”

 “Did I catch you before you got down to anything good?”

“Fucking slut.”

“Couldn’t even finish cleaning the carpet before you left.”

“Fucking answer me.”

“Did I bash your skull so hard that you forgot to pack my lunch before you left?”

“This is ridiculous.’

“So you’re just running away?”

“Don’t be such a baby.” 

“You are so in for it when you get home.”

“I should have killed you.”

There’s more, but you’re not sure you can stomach it. You drop your phone to the counter, swallowing back a bit of bile that has risen up from your stomach. Aaron is at your side in an instant. 

“Can I look?” He asked quietly. He’s looking you right in the eye but you feel like you can’t see him at all, like he’s not really there. You must have nodded your head, because he picked up your phone and started scrolling, but you have no way of knowing how you even told your body to do that. After a moment, he sets your phone face down on the counter, and turns to face you, placing a gentle hand on each of your upper arms. “We are going to figure it out, okay? You’re not in this alone, and I’m not going to let you get hurt again. You did the right thing. You got out. And now you have help.” 

 He’s staring into your eyes as he promises to keep you safe, and the dam breaks. All of the emotions that you’ve bottled up for the last ten hours are flooding through you, and you’re sobbing uncontrollably before you have even recognized how upset you really are. Aaron gathers you up in his arms in an instant, and you wrap your arms around him, crying into his old sweatshirt. 

“It’s okay. I’ve got you. Let it all out,” he whispers in a mantra, rubbing your back.

You realize in this moment that Aaron is truly your best friend-- you’d always known that you were closer to him than anyone else in the office, and the same was true for him, with the possible exception of Dave. What you hadn’t realized, is that somewhere along the way, your college friendships, your academy friendships, your girlfriends, had all faded into the background, and Aaron became the person you wanted to tell good news to, the person you drew comfort from, and the person you called when you realized you couldn’t get the blood out of the carpet. The realization surprises you, enough to let you get a few deep breaths in and calm yourself down, untucking from Aaron’s shoulder and dabbing at your eyes with your shirt sleeve.

 “Thank you,” you say through your choked voice, even though it could never be enough.

“How’s your head?” He asked, looking over the top of your head to the clock on the stove to see if it was time for you to have more pain meds.  

“Ah, well, I don’t think the crying really helped.” You shrugged, attempting to bring some levity back to the situation as you picked your phone back up. 

“What are you doing?” Hotch asked, eyeing you and the phone. 

“I’m calling Josh back.” You said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Okay, now I’m sure you hit your head,” he said, swiping the phone out of your hand before you could place a call.

“Hotch--” 

 “Can you at least tell me why you want to do this?” He said, and you can see the concern etched into his face. 

“I’ve got to go back at some point. I’m sure it’ll be easier for him to cool off if I’m not completely ignoring him in the meantime.”

“Go back? What are you talking about?” Aaron asked

“I live there, Hotchner. I can’t avoid him forever. Even if I move--”

“You’ll stay here. For as long as necessary. It’s not safe for you to go back there.” He says, his tone leaving no room for argument.

“Do I get a say in this at all?” 

“Not if your only defense is that you don’t want someone else to take care of you. Because right now you need caring for, and I’m not letting you talk your way out of it.” Hotch said resolutely, and you sighed. The silence lingers for a moment before you speak up again, quietly. 

“I could use some more pain meds.” You admitted. 

“You shouldn’t take these on an empty stomach. Let’s get you some toast, drink your coffee to clear up your sinuses and then you can take your next dose and go back to bed.” 

“Hotch, the day’s half over. I can’t go back to bed.” You argued, with significantly less heat behind it, lifting the steaming mug of coffee up to your face at his suggestion. 

“It’s a sick day. You’re injured. You’re supposed to rest all day and let your body heal. You won’t be arguing with me once you’ve taken the pills.”

Hotch had tried to get you to take the rest of the week off, but you couldn’t stand the thought of sitting around in his apartment doing nothing. You also knew that an extended absence would catch the attention of your teammates-- and you weren’t sure if you were ready to share all of this with them yet. That was why you were perched in front of the mirror in Hotch’s guest room, liberally applying concealer and powder to your healing black eye. Aaron had made you promise to take it easy, and you already know he’d have eyes on you all day to make sure you weren’t overdoing it. No need to attract any more attention. There’s a soft knock from the hall. 

“Come in,” you called.

“Hey,” Hotch said, swinging open the door. “We’ve got to leave in a few minutes.” 

“I’ll be ready,” you assured him, dipping your brush into the powder before brushing it over your nose and cheekbone, wincing a little. 

“When did you learn to do that?” Hotch asked softly.

“Hotch…” You responded softly. 

“Sorry, I don’t mean to pry. You don’t need to answer that.” He apologized, averting his gaze to the floor.

“If I answer, are you going to stop blaming yourself for not noticing?”

“I can’t promise you that.” He shakes his head. 

“I wasn’t… I’m not a battered woman, Hotch.” 

“Of course you aren’t.” He’s quick to affirm you, to make sure you know he doesn’t see you as a victim.

“No, I mean, this was excessive. Was he rough? Sure. Did he leave marks? Yeah, he did. But I wasn’t getting tossed around and beaten like that. He’s not really like that, normally. He was just drunk, I think.” 

“You’re not seriously making excuses for him, are you?” Hotch asked, and suddenly you’re indignant, even though you know he’s right.

“He had a bad night.” You protest weakly. 

“He almost killed you!” Aaron raised his voice, just a tad.

“He was just trying to scare me.” You countered. 

“He was escalating. I know that you know that,” Hotch said, searching your face, looking for something to profile. You didn’t blame him, you knew your behavior was erratic. You draw a deep breath, your chin quivering as your eyes welled up. 

“It worked. I’m scared.” You squeaked out, trying not to let the tears fall and ruin the makeup you’ve worked so hard on. Hotch wrapped you in his arms again and you breathed in deeply, letting his cologne fill your lungs and lull you into a calm.

“You don’t need to be scared. I’ve got your six. I’ve got you.” He reminded you, and you pulled away from him. 

“I don’t think I’m ready to share this with the team yet.” You told him, and he nodded. 

“Like I said, your pace. When you’re ready, you’ll tell them, and if you want my support, I’ll be there. I’m gonna go make us some coffee, meet me in the kitchen when you’re ready.”

You were silly to think that you could hide anything from a group of profilers-- none of them have guessed it, yet, or if they have, they’re too polite to say anything about it, but they’ve certainly noticed something. They surrounded you with concern and peppered you with questions the second you walked into the office, and Hotch’s devotion to making sure you weren’t pushing yourself too hard certainly wasn’t going unnoticed. It was during one of your Unit-Chief-Mandated-Breaks that you snuck into the kitchen to refill your water bottle. Almost silently, JJ slipped in behind you. 

“You know, you can just say the word, and we’ll all stop pestering you.” She says, and you can hear her gentle smile.

“That’s okay. If I call you off, I lose the right to fuss over whoever’s next.” You tried to crack a joke. 

“Good point.” She chuckled. 

“I really am okay, Jayje.” You assured her. 

“No, honey, you aren’t.” She shook her head. “But you’ll tell us when you’re ready, and we’ll support you even if the secret dies with you.” She laughs, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as you walked out of the kitchen together, sharing a small conspiratorial laugh, your heads thrown back as you pass through the doorway. When the ping of the elevator doors opening grabs your attention, you drop your water bottle in shock. 

“You okay?” JJ asks, bending over to pick up your water bottle as he storms through the glass doors of the BAU. 

“You whore!” Josh spat out, catching the attention of the whole bullpen. So much for keeping them out of it.

“Who the hell do you think you’re talking to?” Morgan asked, rising from his desk immediately. 

“Josh?” Emily says, the first one to recognize him. Your eyes dart around the bullpen, and you spot Reid at his desk phone, no doubt calling security.  

“You fucking bitch!” Josh says, still advancing towards you. Your brain is screaming at you to run but you can’t get your legs to move. It’s a literal childhood nightmare, playing out in the flesh.

“Come on, let’s go back into the kitchen” JJ says softly, her tone betraying none of her fear as she practically shoves you back into the kitchen. You stumble into a chair, and the sound is muted because of the door, but you can still see and hear everything through the glass. Josh takes another step into the bullpen, but Morgan’s in front of him. 

“Turn around and walk out of here, man, because there’s no other way this ends well for you.” Morgan puffs out his chest, trying to stop Josh from looking over his shoulder and seeing you. 

“Not until that slut gives me some fucking answers,” He spits out, and you feel JJ squeeze your hand, but you’re too laser-focused on the scene in front of you to acknowledge her.

“I’m going to give you one more chance to walk away.” Morgan hisses through his teeth, advancing closer to Josh. 

“I’d listen to him if I were you.” Hotch said, suddenly appearing on the other side of Josh. You hadn’t seen him come down the stairs. 

“Ah, good old boss man.’ Josh jeered. “How’s my sloppy seconds? I hope she’s treating you real good seeing as how you stole her right out from under me in the night.”

Without warning, you watch Hotch’s fist connect with Josh’s face. Josh stumbles away, holding his nose, when security comes in through the elevators. 

“I’m leaving, I’m leaving.” He says, raising his hands in surrender. He turns around to face Hotch once more. “This isn’t over.” He says, bringing his hands back to his nose and following the security officer into the elevator.

There’s a stunned sort of silence that hangs over the unit for a few moments before you hear someone break out into a sob. When you feel JJ’s hand start rubbing across your back, you realize that it came from you. The door flies open and you startle, but when you look up, you see a clouded figure of Hotch through your tear-saturated eyes. 

You hear JJ and Aaron whisper to each other, but you can’t focus enough to hear what they’re saying. Whatever it is, the conversation ends with JJ slipping out of the kitchen just as quietly as she came, and Aaron sliding into the chair across from you.

“Can I touch you?” He asked, his voice only just loud enough for you to hear over the sound of your own labored breathing. You nodded, unable to verbally respond. He smoothed his hands over your shoulders, down your arms, taking your hands into his own. “You’re okay, he’s gone. Security knows who he is now, he won’t be allowed back in the building.” He tells you, and you nod again. 

“I’m okay.” You manage to choke out. 

“I need you to take some deep breaths for me, okay? You’re going to make yourself sick.” He asked of you, disarmingly calm, as he modeled the deep cleansing breaths for you. You take a deep, shaky breath in, trying to force the oxygen all the way down into your lungs before letting it back out in a huff. “Good,” he told you. “Good job, sweetheart, keep going.” he encouraged you, tucking a piece of hair that had gotten stuck to your tear-stained cheek behind your ear. When you were finally calm enough to look up at him, you did so. “There you are,” he smiled at you. “You’re okay.” 

“I’m okay. Your hand--”

“I’m okay--” He assured you, but you flipped his hand over in your own anyways. It’s swollen. 

“You need ice.” You said, standing up and crossing to the freezer. 

“You need to sit down before you fall.” Aaron stood up to follow you, shaking his head. 

“I took my deep breaths, Hotch. I’m not an eighty year old woman.” You chastised him as you pulled a few ice cubes out of the freezer, putting them in a plastic bag and wrapping a paper towel around it. 

“My hand is fine.” He argued with you as you pressed the ice pack to his knuckles. 

“You are in absolutely no position to argue with me about letting someone else take care of you, hypocrite.” You fought back, with nothing but concern behind it. 

“Okay, fine, but can you sit down, please.” He begged of you. 

“Don’t I owe the rest of the team an explanation for all of that?” 

“They can wait. Sit down.” He said, and it was no longer a request. You sat down in the seat across from him. “How’s your head?” 

‘It’s been better.” You tell him honestly. 

“Take a few more deep breaths, please.” He tells you, and you roll your eyes. 

“Hotch, I’m--”

“You’re holding your breath. Your shoulders are practically touching your ears. Plus, it would make my hand feel better.” He says, shooting you a grin that would be wholly inappropriate for the situation if it didn’t make you feel so at ease.

You roll your eyes at him in mock-contempt, taking the breaths to appease him and dropping your shoulders. “How is your hand, seriously?” 

“I’m fine. I’ve thrown my fair share of punches.” He smirked at you, still trying to distract you, to lighten the mood. “We can just leave. You must need more pain meds, if not a nap. We don’t have to get into all of it today.” 

“Well, they all basically know now. We should probably just go to clear the air that I’m not sleeping with you for a promotion.”

“If you’re not up to it, we can--”

“No, Hotch.” You stand up, shaking your head at him through a smile. “Let’s go get it over with.” 

 The team, of course, didn’t need you to explain that all of what Josh had said was false. Your integrity and the trust shared between all of you was louder than any stupid asshole that could bluster in through those glass doors. You’d cried all of your makeup off, so your black eye was now fully exposed to the team. Aaron left a protective hand on the small of your back the whole time you spoke, never once speaking over you or interrupting. As soon as you finished, you felt silly for ever thinking you needed to hide this from them-- they were supportive without being pitying, and JJ, Emily and Garcia had wrapped you up in hugs just as soon as you finally got it all off your chest. 

“We’re going to head out, obviously call us if there’s an urgent case notification.” Aaron explained to the team. “You all should feel free to leave as soon as your paperwork is done.”

“Hotch, I’m really fine,” you tried to insist. 

“Are you gonna tell the team they have to keep working?” Aaron quirked an eyebrow at you and you scowled, knowing there was no going back now. “I’m just going to pack some of my stuff up.” He told you, turning back to his office. You followed suit, going to your desk and tidying up. 

“Hey, cupcake.” Morgan whistled to get your attention before crossing the bullpen to get to you. “If I had known--if I had seen that bruise on your face before he walked in here -- I would have taken him down myself. Hotchner showed an... impressive amount of restraint.” He told you with a humorless chuckle. 

“Thank you, Derek. But he’s not worth it, seriously.” You told him with a smile. 

“No, he’s not.” He agreed. “But you are. Don’t you forget that, okay? If you need anything, I’m here.” 

Instead of responding verbally, you pushed yourself up onto your tiptoes to wrap your arms around his neck in a hug. He wrapped his arms around you snugly, crushing you into his chest. It hurt, a little, but the overwhelming security you found with him holding you was far stronger than any pain.

You pulled away and bid your goodnights to the team, following Aaron out to the car taking off towards his apartment. 

“You were really brave back there. I’m proud of you. As your friend, not your boss. Or, I guess as your friend and your boss.” He tells you, taking one hand off the steering wheel to squeeze yours briefly. 

“I didn’t really have much of a choice,” you rolled your eyes with a small smirk. 

“There’s always a choice. You chose to get out, and you chose to let your team in. That’s not nothing.” He told you as he parked the car in front of his place.

 “Thank you,” you said, choosing to accept the compliment even though you didn’t believe him. Aaron saw it in your eyes, but he let it slide. You’d see, eventually.  At her pace, he reminded himself. 

“I was thinking I’d cook tonight. Do you have anything particular in mind?” He asked as you settled into the apartment, hanging up your coats. 

“Aaron Hotchner, you can cook?” You laughed, turning around and beaming at him. He couldn’t help but return your smile. 

“I’m not Dave, but I manage.” He said coyly. 

“I’m sure whatever you make will be delicious.” You told him graciously. “And I’m very excited to try it.”

He tossed you an orange from the bowl of fruit on his counter, and then your pain meds. “Go take a nap.”

“Hotch, I’m---”

“Nope, I don’t want to hear it. I let you spend six hours squinting at screens and paperwork under fluorescents. None of that was good for your head. Go.” 

You rolled your eyes at him goodnaturedly before going to the guest room, stripping your work clothes off in favor of a pair of sweats and an FBI Academy t-shirt. Truth be told, everything that had gone down at work had been exhausting, and it wasn’t long before you fell asleep. 

[ghoulish-fiction]

Nearly Everything I Could Ever Want

Mountain/Reader Reader is nonbinary, AFAB. Explicit, 18+ only. Oral sex, breeding, knotting. See AO3 for full list of tags. 3,436 words.

Another fic I wrote for my wife and edited to share online. Its cute and hot, imo. At the time that I am posting this, I am still waiting on my wife to read their version. Lol

Read the full text under the cut, or on AO3 by clicking here, and please let me know what you think! 🖤

Mountain had told you to meet him outside the Abbey at sunset. You thought this a bit odd, but you didn't question him. He probably wouldn't have told you much, if anything, about what he had planned even if you had asked him. So here you stood alone on the grass watching the clouds turn from white to pink to orange as the sun sinks behind the treeline. You didn't have to wait long, you soon saw Mountain's towering figure appear from a back door and make its way across the lawn to you. As he draws nearer you see he's carrying a bag with blankets and pillows.

"Thank you for waiting." Mountain says with a voice deeper than a canyon. He bends down and lifts his mask just enough to kiss the top of your head.

"No problem, babe! Are we camping? What's all that?"

He chuckles and shakes his head.

"I promised you the perfect stargazing spot. I found it. Come on."

Mountain holds out his hand and you eagerly take it. He leads you silently through the woods behind the Abbey. As you venture deeper into the trees, and the Abbey is long out of sight behind you, Mountain lets out a deep, content sigh.

"Happy to be out here and away from everyone?" You ask with a warm smile.

"Everyone but you." He says giving your hand a tight squeeze and returns your smile.

The two of you continue on in comfortable silence. Mountain isn't much of a talker, which is fine by you. You are happy to simply be in the presence of your love.

After about twenty minutes of trudging on it becomes quite dark, and it is difficult for you to see where you are going. You try to keep pace with Mountain, who seems to have forgotten he's the only one between the two of you who can see in the dark. Just as you were beginning to fear it, you trip. Lucky for you, Mountain reacts quickly and catches you.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Yeah I'm fine, but I can't see where I'm going. How much farther do we have to go?"

"Not much farther...uh... here hold this."

Mountain presses the bag of blankets and pillows into your arms. You look down at them in confusion.

"Why? Is this supposed to break my- Oh!"

Mountain bends over and lifts you effortlessly into a bridal carry. He holds you tightly to his strong, lean frame.

"I forgot you can't see in the dark. Sorry. I'll take you the rest of the way."

You feel a bit silly, but grateful to your kind giant for helping you. You certainly didn't want to end your evening together early because you twisted your ankle in the dark and fell down the hill Mountain is now climbing. After about ten more minutes of walking gradually higher, Mountain stops.

"We are here." He says excitedly as he gently lowers you to the ground. In front of you is a large, nearly circular clearing atop a hill.

You hurry forward to the middle of the clearing and look up. You see more stars than you have ever seen in your life. The Abbey is already far from the city lights, but you are now even farther and free of most light pollution. The full moon illuminates the clearing, allowing you to take a good look at your lover.

He's also staring up at the sky, but he was looking in the opposite direction of you.

"There's one more surprise. Looks like it has started." Mountain says pointing to the southern sky.

You look too, and see a star streak across the sky. And then another. And another after that.

"A meteor shower?! I had no idea there was one tonight. Thank you for finding this place and bringing us here, Mounty. Its beautiful."

"You're welcome." He says simply, but you can hear the pride in his voice.

"Let's lay down." He says reaching for the bag in your hand.

"Could we just lay in the grass for a bit? I always want to, but feel like people would judge me. We don't have to if you don't want to." You look nervously up at Mountain. You don't think he will mind, but you don't want him to think you're strange. Mountain stifles a laugh.

"I'd love to. I am an Earth Ghoul, love."

"Oh...right."

So the two if you sit down together on the ground. Mountain promptly removes his shoes, happy to have his bare feet in the grass.

Mountain sits with his legs spread in a wide V and gestures for you to come sit between them, which you do. With your back to his chest he wraps his arms around your waist and holds you snugly against him. You rest your hands on his arms, and his chin sits atop your head. You can hear the whisper of his tail swishing in the grass.

The two of you sit happily like this for a long time. You don't have to worry about the cold night air thanks to Mountain being a walking furnace. One of the many perks of marrying a ghoul.

Mountain occasionally points to a star or constellation to name it. You both count the shooting stars you see. After number fifty you ask, "Have you made any wishes?"

"Why? I have everything... nearly everything I could ever want right here in my arms."

He lifts his mask to kiss the top of your head, then he kisses your shoulder, and then your neck just to give you goosebumps and make you squeal, "You're mean!" He only holds you tighter as you try to wiggle away. You feel him smile into your skin before securing his mask again.

"You know you don't have to wear that around me, unless you just want to." You tell Mountain, "You're so handsome."

Mountain can't help but laugh, "Force of habit." He does take off his mask, though, and gently sets it aside before hugging you close and burying his face into the crook of your neck. He kisses you again. And sits up.

You sit together in silence for some time, before you say,

"Hey Mounty..."

"Yes?"

"You said you have nearly everything..."

"Yes. I do. I have you, and I'd like to have a family with you." He explains.

"That's what I thought you meant, but I wanted to be sure."

You and Mountain had talked about children before. You talked about it and agreed you both wanted a family before you were married. So you were madly in love, you both wanted children, but didn't know when to start. You were busy with your own career and education, Mountain was touring the world on and off with the band. Was now a good time? Is there ever a good time? Why not now?

"Mountain..."

"Yes?" He said hesitantly at the sound of his full name rather than a pet name or nickname.

"I want to start a family with you. I want to try... soon."

"How about now?" He purred, nipping at your shoulder with his sharp fangs, his long fingers starting to wander and pull up the hem of your shirt.

"Mountain, I'm serious!" You say growing frustrated.

"As am I." He says, "Look at me."

You turn to face him, and you see he is grinning. He gently cups your face in his hands.

"I've been waiting for you to be ready, love. Its your body, so we go at your pace, but I am ready. I can't wait to have a family with you." He gently places a hand on your stomach, long fingers splayed. "I can't wait to see you carrying my child."

"Oh." You say feeling your face growing hotter and desire start to well up inside you.

"Are we- are we doing this right now?" You ask, excitement growing.

"If you're ready."

"I am. Please, babe..."

He grabs you and pulls you into a feverish kiss. He pulls back grinning just as before.

"You get undressed. I'm going to get the blankets." He stands and begins to lay out the blankets and pillows on top of the soft grass.

Such a strange, out of place nest on top of a hill in the middle of the woods under a blanket of stars, you think to yourself, but it's perfect.  

After watching for a moment you do as you were told. You shed your clothes and lay them in the grass. You stand bare in the moonlight, watching Mountain remove his shirt as well with his back to you. He turns now to see you.

"Y/N... you are amazing." He gasps. Without taking his eyes off you, he sits down and lays back in the nest, stretching his long limbs and beckoning you to join him. You can see the tent forming in his pants, so you straddle your lover and perch yourself upon his lap. You teasingly grind against his growing bulge.

Mountain lets out a low growl and pulls you down into another, much more heated kiss. He bites your lips again and again just to hear you moan and feel your breath hitch.

You break away from his lips to kiss and bite at his throat, your long nails scratching along his chest and sides. Mountain's eyes flutter closed and his head tilts back granting you full access, submitting himself to you.

"I love you so very much." You say softly into his ear.

Neck still bared Mountain chuckles, "I love you, too, honey. You sound so desperate."

"I am. I want you." You confess.

Mountain growls again. He wraps his arms around you and with a twist of his hips he's switched your positions. Now you lie on your back and he hovers over you.

He kisses your lips, biting them once more, before leaving a trail of kisses down your chest, to your stomach where he lingers, and then to your hips.

"May I?" He asks.

You nod, so he spreads your legs apart and puts them over his shoulders. He kisses and bites the inside of your thighs again and again. He teases you until your hips begin to wiggle impatiently.

You feel him smile against your leg as he tries to keep teasing you, but he can't make you wait any longer. Mountain runs two long fingers through your slit. He chirps in surprise.

"You're so wet for me already." He says before finally diving in. Mountain's long, forked tongue licks long stripes against your clit while he fingers and spreads you apart on his index and middle fingers. Your back arches and your mouth falls open.

"Oh, oh, oh! Yes! Ah! Yes, Mounty, please!" You beg. Mountain begins to suck on your clit, already adding a third finger, eager to have you ready for his cock.

Mountain begins to pull his head away to lick and swirl your clit with his tongue, but you were so close when he was sucking you off. You grab a fist full of his short hair and push him back against you. He growls and goes right back to sucking your clit. Your back arches again, your free hand grips the blankets in a tight fist. You feel your orgasm rushing in.

"Ah! Don't stop. Don't stop. Right there. Please... AH!" You cry out as your cum on Mountain's fingers. He moans at the feeling. He gives your clit one last long, slow lick before sitting up and pulling his cum soaked finger from you. He gently grabs hold of your jaw with his clean hand and holds the cum covered ones to your lips.

"Open up, love." He says, and you eagerly comply. You love Mountain's long fingers. You love watching his hands as he does tricks on stage with his drumsticks. You love how he holds them behind his back while standing at attention. You love holding his hand. You love when he runs his fingers through his hair or yours. You definitely love his fingers inside of you, but you love them in your mouth most of all. You suck and lick them clean. You let him gently pump them in and out of your mouth, across your eager tongue, while you both moan. He pulls them out of your mouth completely with a faint pop!

He kisses you softly, but still full of need. When you part, he moves away from you to remove the rest of his clothing. When you see his dick spring free, you can't help but stare. You've seen it, sucked it, and had it inside you before, but you still stare in disbelief everytime. To put it simply, Mountain's cock is monstrous. It's long and thick and has a slight, delicious curve. His thick head is already dripping, and you feel like you are, too, just at the sight of him.

"How do you want me?" He asks towering over you on his knees, lazily stroking himself. You prop yourself up on one elbow to run a hand from his chest, down his tight stomach, along the trail of hair that leads to his base where you wrap your fingers around him. You give his cock a small squeeze before replacing his hand to stroke him.

"I want you in my mouth first."

"Oh sweet Lucifer... Love, I wish you could suck me off but I am already so close... ah! I want to fill your pussy with my cum. I don't want to waste a single drop."

"Then take me however you want. Please, babe. I need you."

You let go of Mountain's giant dick and lay back. He hovers over you on his knees. The head of his cock presses lightly at your entrance while he rubs quick circles around your throbbing clit.

He kisses your cheek and asks once more, "Are you sure you want to do this, honey? It will be too late to stop when I knot you. So tell me you're sure. Do you want to have my baby?"

You take his face in your hands and look him dead in the eyes, well, as dead in the eyes as you can when he has four eyes and you only have two.

"I want this. I want you. I want us to make a baby. I have never been more sure about anything in my life than I am about wanting you and the family we will make."

Mountain kisses you deeply and pulls you close to him, causing you to scramble to hold onto him as you're lifted into his strong arms.

You feel him line his cock up with your entrance once more, and finally push into you while pulling you slowly onto him as well. The feeling makes your eyes snap shut. Your nails claw into his back. You're crying out in pleasure as he stretches you out. He doesn't stop until he bottoms out, something you didn't know was possible. The stretch is slightly painful in the most extraordinary way. You can't help but whimper and cling to him.

"Shhh... I've got you. Are you okay?"

You nod enthusiastically, not trusting your voice to be anything more than a needy whine.

"Good. You feel so good. Tell me when, love."

He holds you tight, gently rocking into you, waiting for you to adjust. You take several deep breaths before nodding in the crook of his shoulder.

"I need you to say it." He says in your ear, kissing the side of your head.

"I'm ready."

Mountain pulls out of you slightly, and shallowly thrusts back in. Then a little farther, and a little faster, again and again, until he has set a fast pace of deep thrusts in and out of your soaked cunt. He has laid you back down on the blanket again with a pillow under your head. He's propped up on one hand, the other is back to your clit. He keeps a brutal pace. His normally well kept, slicked back hair begins to fall onto his sweaty forehead. All four eyes closed as he moans and growls and pants above you. You feel like you're about to snap, but you know he's not ready yet. He's close but not there. You grab hold of the wrist of the hand that's rubbing your clit and you bring into your lips again. Mountain's eyes open wide and stare at you full of lust.

"Oh yes..." he breathes.

You open your mouth and take his index and middle fingers into your mouth again. You hollow your cheeks around him, causing Mountain to cry out in pleasure.

"Oh yes. Oh I'm going to knot you. Tell me I can, please."

"I want your knot, Mountain. Give it to me."

Mountain sits back on his knees suddenly with you laid out over his lap and the blanket. He grabs hold of your hips in a vice like grip which is sure to leave bruises later, not that you mind. He growls thunderously as he forces you onto his knot. Taking Mountain's cock already spreads you out wider than you ever had been before, but this? This felt impossible. You shouted out as he spread you farther and farther. You thought you might black out from pleasure and pain until he gave one last rough thrust of his hips. You could feel his knot settle inside you.

One hand released its hold on your hips to rub your clit again.

"Cum on my knot. I need to feel you squeeze me dry." Mountain growled, fangs bared.

"Ah! Yes! Yes! Keep going. I'm going to...ohhh..." and with that a second orgasm crashed over you. As your cunt spasmed around Mountain's knot, his orgasm crashed over him as well. You gasped and moaned as Mountain growled "Yes, yes, yes!" 

He grabbed ahold of your hips again with both hands in a crushing grip in an attempt to thrust into you, which was quite impossible at this point. You could feel Mountain's cum pouring into you. It felt like it was never going to stop.

After riding out the waves of your orgasms, you both became still and quiet, nothing but the sound of you both trying to catch your breath filled the still night air.

With his knot still firmly in place, Mountain very carefully laid over you and then rolled you both so you could lay your head on his chest. You closed your eyes, listening to the rapid beating of his heart slow, and his breath become more even. He ran his hand up and down your back and kissed your thoroughly messed up hair.

"How are you doing, love?" He asks gently.

"Wonderful!" You sigh. "How about you?"

"Wonderful." he echoes.

"Thank you. Being with you is so good. So so good." He sighs.

He tilts your head up to kiss you.

You can feel his knot going down.

"Hey," you say, breaking the kiss and making Mountain look at you. "We're making a baby."

Mountain laughs and holds you tight.

"Yes, yes we are."

The two of you lay together for a long time, enjoying the quiet of the night and comfort of each other's embrace. You count a few more shooting stars. Eventually Mountain is able to pull out of you. It's a mess. You did not come prepared and both do your best to clean you up with the blanket. You two roll everything back up haphazardly and shove it into the bag, a problem to worry about tomorrow.

As you get dressed you find yourself barely able to stand. Your legs are very wobbly, but you manage. You look sadly out across the distance you must travel back to the Abbey.

"Ready?" Mountain asks, reluctantly slipping on his shoes as you shrug on the last of your clothes.

"Ready..." you sigh.

You go to take a shaky first step, bag in hand, when suddenly you're lifted off your feet.

You squeal in surprise.

"I didn't think you were going to carry me again."

"I couldn't let the mother of my child stumble through the woods in the dark. Also you could barely stand to put your clothes on."

"Well, I won't argue with you, the father of my child."

You both laugh.

"Let's go home and sleep." He says softly nuzzling against your hair.

As Mountain walks out of the clearing you fall swiftly to sleep in his arms, where he now truly, but unknowingly for the time being, held everything he could ever want.

[sserpente]

A/N: Requests from @watermelon1568, @lokisgirl5, @cocoamoonmalfoy and anon. This is so fluffy and maybe a little silly, but in a good way! Enjoy everyone and have a good Christmas Eve! ♥

Words: 2635 Warnings: so much fluff, mentions of blood, implied smut

Additional NSFW warning: This Imagine contains implied period sex, just in case this is something you are uncomfortable with.

Loki might be a tiny tad OOC in this one because the requests were just so fluffy but I did my best! Enjoy!

-

Loki sighed. There you were again, running around with a list in hand looking much like the one Santa Clause had been carrying in that Christmas film Thor had forced him to watch. For the past few days, weeks almost, actually, you had been collecting everyone’s Christmas wishes like a squirrel collecting nuts for the winter. Even he knew everyone’s Christmas wishes by now. You had truly asked everybody, even the cleaning women who came to tidy up the entire Avengers facility once a week.

Loki could not quite put his finger on what it was that fascinated him so much about you—all he did know was that he too wanted to get you a Christmas present, if only just to see the surprised look on your face. He almost snorted. It was disappointment he felt, disappointment and envy because he longed to be the one to put a smile on your face on Christmas Day—and he didn’t even celebrate Christmas, not really.

Furthermore, he had not failed to notice how you avoided his presence like you were playing cat and mouse. You had, much to his surprise, asked him for his Christmas wish too the other day, all timid and unable to look him in the eye and Loki had been so taken aback he had not known an answer. The God of Mischief was many things but he was not blind and not stupid—he was perceptive. Villain or not, you were into him—and he was going to get your confession.

Smirking to himself, and determined to put an end to playing tag, he followed you into the empty hallway on your way back to your room, pushed past you and then unceremoniously blocked your way.

“O-Oh… hey, Loki.” You chirped.

“Are you in a hurry?”

“I, uh, actually, um… n-no?”

“Well, you did ask me what I wanted for Christmas, did you not?”

“Oh!” Your face lit up. “Oh, yes! Yes, what would you like?”

Loki thought about it for a moment. He needed an answer fast to not look like a moron now.

His lips parted. “I do miss writing with a quill and ink. Could you acquire a set for me? Surely, they are still being used on Midgard.”

Geez! How had you not thought about that? Loki truly was a scholar with all those books in his room, and that was a marvellous idea. “Y-yes, of course!” You responded, nodding eagerly in the process. But when you moved forward, Loki, instead of letting you pass now, put his hand against the wall so you were trapped.

“Hmm… Is there a particular reason you always get so nervous in my presence?” He asked. Your eyes widened. Fuck.

“Y-you… you tried to… you almost took over t-the p-planet, you k-know.” You lied quickly.

“Ah, yes. Of course… that must be it.” He responded with a knowing smirk. Oh, fuck. Did he have to be so god damn gorgeous?

“You never said what it was you want for Christmas, my dear.” He said then, blue eyes locking with yours. Your heart skipped a beat—no, actually, you were wondering whether it was still beating at all. You did have a Christmas wish, of course and you wanted to do backflips all across the hallway that Loki of all people took an interest in what you’d like—or maybe he just wanted to make conversation. Keep calm.

“Oh… it’s silly. Not really possible.” You replied sheepishly, gasping when he hooked a finger under your chin to gently force you to look up at him. He was definitely going to be the death of you.

“Tell me.” He urged you on.

“The only thing I… I’ve always wanted to have a dog. A loyal non-human companion, someone to cuddle with when it’s cold and who will never judge me but love me just the way I am… and they are just so cute! But that’s not possible,” You repeated quickly. “Imagine an innocent little puppy when everything’s on fire and another alien race attacks the planet!”

Loki hummed. Dogs were not common on Asgard. He himself had had a pet snake growing but released it into the wild after Thor and his friends had repeatedly stolen it to play silly and dangerous games. He could see why you kept that wish to yourself. Living among the Avengers, a dog might get in the way during missions—he did not doubt it would be helpful and capable of tearing off their enemies’ faces but your worry for it would distract you from a fight.

Still… perhaps there was a way. A smirk grew on his lips and your flustered reaction to it pleased him, making it grow wider.

-

It was early Christmas morning when Loki returned. It had taken him all of his wit and cunningness to leave the Avengers facilities unattended and without anyone asking suspicious questions but he had succeeded. The wooden box he was carrying—with many holes in them so the little creature could breathe—Loki sneaked across the hallway and past your room to hide his present for you in his own, already imagining your priceless reaction… was he hoping for a hug? Oh, he was. When was the last time anyone had hugged him? Perhaps you would, upon receiving the fluffy little creature in the box.

The dog winced. “Shh! Quiet, you silly little creature, you are going to wake up your mother!”

It was then he heard an ear-piercing scream coming from your room. He nearly dropped the box, turning on his heel to storm into your room like a tornado annihilating everything in its path. Your bed was empty, the sheets ruffled. There was a small beam of light coming from your bathroom—the closer he came, the more he could make out the rustling of fabric.

“I bloody hate being a woman…” You murmured to yourself, making the God of Mischief frown. Alarmed, he stepped closer and entered the bathroom without knocking—he barely remembered to set the box aside to draw his daggers if need be.

You were sat on the toilet, your white Christmas pyjamas with candy canes and gingerbread men on them soiled with blood. Loki’s eyes widened. There was blood on the floor too… and on your fingers.

His fingers were itching to materialise his weapons, yet he could see no enemy who could have attacked you. You gasped when he barged into the room, concealing your nakedness from the waist down with some toilet paper.

“What in the nine happened to you?” The amount of blood was almost concerning for a mortal. Had someone surprised you in your sleep? Who had managed to break into the Avengers facilities in the first place?

“How did you get in here? No wait, you’re awake already? Umm… Merry Christmas?” You swallowed. Talk about embarrassing yourself in front of the God of Mischief.

“We need to get you to a healer… a doctor, that is what you call them here?” You stared at him for a moment.

The last thing he expected was for you to burst out laughing. The whole situation was so hilarious you even forgot to be nervous around him for once.

“Oh, Loki… I’m okay, I’m not dying, I promise. I got surprised by my period, is all.”

“Your… period? Your period… as in your menstruation cycle?”

“Yes. Do women on Asgard not have that?”

“They do but… not like this.” Heavens, he felt stupid. He had thought you were dying, openly shown his concern… and you had laughed.

“Loki…” It was like you had heard his thoughts. “Thank you for checking on me. I was just being frustrated but I promise I’m okay.” You had probably disturbed his sleep but the fact that Loki cared enough to come to your help, admitting that just perhaps… he actually liked you. “W-would you mind?” Loki raised his brows, his lips parting.

“Yes, of course.”

He turned around for you to get dressed again (never before had you been more grateful for the pile of more or less dirty laundry on the floor next to your toilet) and nodded, only realising now that he had indeed just proved that one way or another, he had taken a liking into you. It was then the dog winced again just outside the bathroom door.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. In fact, I shall leave you… how did you get out of that box?” Eager and curious, the puppy must have somehow knocked its wooden box over. When Loki looked behind him, he found the lid on the floor, the young dog hurtling towards you.

“Oh my god! Hey there, little guy! Where did you come from?” You giggled when the dog attempted to jump up on you. You picked it up, grinning when it licked your face. “Aren’t you adorable?”

Loki pursed his lips. Oh, great. Now he was getting the hug. He furrowed his brows. Heavens, this was an innocent little puppy. Against all reason, he already loved the little guy with all his heart himself, how could he possibly feel jealous?

“You were not supposed to see it yet. I was going to put the box under the Christmas tree.”

“R-really? You mean… he’s for me? Oh, Loki… but h-how? I mean… I love him. But how can I keep him safe here? Is that really a good idea?”

“Well… he is, in fact, not a normal dog.” Loki remarked.

Your eyes widened. “What does that mean?”

“Dogs are rare on Asgard but there are indeed a few traders who raise them. This unprepossessing creature has a life expectancy five times as high as Midgardian dogs—not to mention it is stronger, more intelligent and much like Thor and me, more resistant to pain and injury.”

“You’re a superdog then, aren’t you? Yes, you are, such a good boy. I need a name for him.” You announced. Loki raised his arms. That would be your decision. His pet snake had never had a name. “I’ll think of something.” Smiling, you stepped forward and kissed Loki on the cheek whose lips parted in surprise.

“Thank you so much. I didn’t think you would… why did you?” He said nothing in response. He couldn’t possibly tell you that he wanted a hug and that the only person he wanted it from was you. Your lips on his face had already felt like liquid fire, warming him from the inside out. Heavens, what was wrong with him? You were a mortal. He couldn’t possibly like you this much.

“You should go back to bed.” He said after a while, clearing his throat. “It is still early.” You nodded. He was right. Besides, you and your little puppy needed to get to know each other.

Needless to say, however, you couldn’t fall asleep again after you had gotten changed into new pyjamas and then cuddled with your new pet. Loki had gotten you a dog. Why? He owed you nothing, and quite on the contrary, you highly doubted Loki would even bother to get the rest of the Avengers a Christmas gift.

-

In the meantime, Loki himself returned to his room, shaking his head in the process. He was being ridiculous. The other day in the hallway, he had still managed to remain composed but the more time he spent around you, the softer he became for you.

He had been worried for you upon seeing all that blood and it had scared him. Love and affection weren’t exactly emotions he got to experience a lot and then for a human of all species…

He realised with a start just what it was that was happening to him. He was courting you, wasn’t he? He had not done anything alike in years, the last time for a beautiful Asgardian woman who had turned out to take more interest in Thor than him.

Loki was no expert on dating. He had never had the need for it… not until you. A growl escaped his lips. How dangerous for his already shattered heart would it be to give in to his desire and make you smile again? To feel your lips against his skin once more?

Another growl. He was addicted to you already. Jumping up from the bed, he left the facilities again, this time to head a few miles west. Frigga had always said that love goes through the stomach. He might as well try that strategy out.

-

About two hours later, there was a soft knock on your door. You stirred, eyes fluttering open. Your puppy—you had still not thought of a name for it—had curled up in your arms, still sleeping soundly.

“Yes?”

The door opened to reveal Loki. With a smirk, he produced something from behind his back—a box with the logo of your favourite pancake shop on it. Your jaw dropped.

“Merry Christmas.” He announced.

“Oh my goodness… Loki, you are so sweet.”

The God of Mischief raised an eyebrow. “Sweet is not exactly what I was hoping for.” He replied, albeit smiling.  You sat up carefully to not wake the puppy, accepting the pancakes all the while licking your lips hungrily. Now that was one way to start Christmas Day.

“How about considerate?” You tried again, smiling up at him sweetly. Loki smirked, hands clasped behind his back. He almost appeared a little… awkward.

You longed to ask him why he was doing all this but then again… you could think of only one answer. It couldn’t possibly be, no?

“Care to share? They are really good.”

“It appears so. The entire restaurant smelled like a sugar realm.”

“Is that a thing?”

“No.”

“Oh… pity.” He chuckled.

Twenty minutes in which you silently ate with relish went by, the puppy still sleeping peacefully in your bed, with you unable to stop petting it all the time. Once you had finished the very last bite, you simply dropped the empty takeaway-packaging on the floor.

“Thank you so much, Loki. I couldn’t have imagined better Christmas presents.”

He nodded, watching your every move as you moved in to give him another kiss on the cheek.

This time though, in just this moment, Loki turned his head to face you again, your lips landing on his instead. You gasped, even more so when he deepened the kiss, moving his mouth gently against yours, tongue slipping between your lips to taste you. Oh my god. Loki was kissing you. Loki was kissing you!

It felt like a demon from Muspelheim had set his body on fire, from the inside out. Loki was ablaze. Unable to stop himself, his arms came up to pull you closer into his body until you were straddling him, your fingers digging into his clothes. You both knew where this was going.

There was no doubt you were going to wake up the little dog when you pushed him back on the mattress, overcome with a sudden confidence and hunger that made you feel invincible. Loki did not object. The only reason you hesitated was the fact you remembered just then that you were on your period. Reluctantly, you pulled away.

“Loki… maybe we should do this… another time. My… period, remember?”

“A little bit of blood will not stop me from ravishing you, my dear.” Your heart skipped a beat.

“A-are you sure?”

Loki nodded slowly and intimately, his blue gaze never leaving yours.

Next thing you knew, the both of you lost all of your layers of clothing one by one. Scratch making a list for Christmas presents for your friends to make them happy… you couldn’t quite believe that Loki actually reciprocated your affection for him. This certainly was the most amazing Christmas yet.

-

A/N: If you enjoyed this story, I would appreciate it so much if you considered supporting me on Kofi! It’s either for caffeine or red wine, I’ll take both. ko-fi.com/sserpente ♥