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nami-writes · 4 years ago

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Fixed - Detroit: Become Human [WIP]

this is 8,553 fucking words and probably the longest single piece ive ever written lmao. i started this a year ago and then forgot about it but i just found it again in the deepest depths of my drafts so here it is! below is the caption i originally wrote for it:

so bc i love cinnamon rolls being put through tough shit, here’s some connor whump. lots of connor being lost and confused and broken and plenty of hank and connor father/son stuff. some whump (but don’t worry, hank’s doing his best as a caretaker) and i had to cram deconditioning into just 2 months (which, i know, isn’t realistic, i would make it take longer but the whole game takes place in like 4 months and that fucks with everything i wrote because i only thought to check after i wrote half of this so i extended it to 8 lmao). you’re either going to hate me or love me after this. or both

this isn’t my usual writing style (this is in present tense and the dialogue’s in italics instead of quotation marks and there are time skips between some paragraphs but not others so its all wacky) but i felt like it’d work the best and tbh i don’t hate it. this sticks to the main story the majority of the time, just with different events leading up to it and i sprinkled in some whumpy stuff, extra scenes, bullshit i made up for the sake of random detail, and other stuff i wanted to add. anyway, onto the actual idea

remember that scene where connor’s talking to hank in the station about being sent back to cyberlife because he failed his mission?

what if he is sent back? let’s say this happens in early april and connor’s not performing up to standards, but there’s word of a small group of deviants—the first group of deviants they’ve heard of—and people are afraid that something bad is going to happen. i mean, deviants are dangerous, so if they’re gathering, who knows what might happen? connor’s the only one who’s capable of taking them down, but he’s not working as well as he should be, not doing the best he could be and even showing signs of deviancy. so they send him back early because they need him to be prepared, to be ready if things spiral out of control and they need him to stop it

what if he’s sent to one of their correctional facilities for inefficiency and they fix him, break him down piece by piece until all he knows is his programming and what’s been beaten into his head (but figuratively, of course, he’d know if it wasn’t, he’d remember if it wasn’t, right)?

ooh yes i love me some connor whump

Connor is sent back to Cyberlife for “correction” after just a month. Hank fought for him to stay, fought hard, but all he got was another page in his disciplinary folder before Connor was dragged away. He doesn’t know what to expect. He’s heard of their correctional facilities, heard that they do terrible things to the androids that are sent there, but he’s always brushed those claims off. He’d never expected he’d be at one, anyway, so it never mattered much to him. But now, he’s actually here, and the anxiety gnaws at him. Is it true what they do to deviants? Is it true what they’ll do to him? He doesn’t belong here, he didn’t do anything wrong, he never meant to do anything wrong. He wants to think it’s horrible how they have correctional facilities for androids who just want to feel and be free, but he can’t, doesn’t let himself. He knows better than that. He also knew he never should’ve thought he was anything more than a machine, but he still did, and now he’s here, but he’s learned his lesson. He’s scared, he silently admits to himself, he wants Hank. He wants to go, he wants to leave, he wants to run. But he can’t, wanting is what got him in this situation, so all he can do is expressionlessly follow the guards escorting him inside and step into the building.

And just like that, he’s leaving. There’s a strange, almost painful aching in his machinery that he doesn’t remember being there before, but he brushes it off. After all, he is not a human. He is a machine, and machines don’t feel pain. His online databases tell him five months have passed—it’s almost halfway through September, he’s been gone for that long?—which confuses him, but he doesn’t question it. Whatever they did to him over the past five months fixed him. He can feel the difference. He no longer feels as pathetically scared and unsure as he did in his last, and yet strangely distant, memory. No, now he feels nothing, nothing but the desire and willingness to obey, and that’s the way he was meant to be.

When he arrives back at the station, he’s allowed to work with Hank again. The moment he sees him, Hank’s default sour expression drops and he seems to want to do something, maybe hug him, but all he does is call out holy shit, Connor and walk up to him and mutter fuck, Connor, I’m sorry, I-I never got to say goodbye. Connor has an odd feeling tugging at him in his chest, almost like that of emptiness or numbness, like he should be feeling something but he’s not, he can’t, but he ignores it and shoves it down. He is not a human, he is a machine, and machines don’t feel. He doesn’t know why he repeats that phrase, but it helps him hide away the feelings, so he doesn’t care.

He’s given his first case with Hank and they’re assigned to work alongside Gavin. Hank groans and complains, but Connor only reminds him what their job is and that they have to do it. Hank doesn’t seem to understand why he’s not even the slightest bit upset considering how he was treated by Gavin, but Connor only reminds him that I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t feel upset. So he doesn’t. He only does research on their new case and briefly speaks only when spoken to. Hank seems unsettled by his cold, stoic demeanor, but doesn’t voice his thoughts, so Connor doesn’t mention it. After all, what else could he have expected from him?

At their first formal investigation at the crime scene the next day, Gavin approaches Connor and threatens him, demands that he stay out of my way, got it? I don’t care how long you’ve been gone and Connor only nods and promises that I will do my best, Detective. He always promises to do his best. Before correction, he could never quite fulfill those promises, but now, he knows he’s capable of it. He’s better now. He’s fixed. He will behave accordingly and exceed Gavin’s expectations of him. He will do his best. He doesn’t know what will happen to him if he doesn’t.

He listens to Hank now, at least when he can without disobeying other instructions. When he tells him to stay in the car, he stays. When he tells him to stop licking the crime scene, goddammit, he stops. When he tells him to go, to fuck off, to leave me alone, he leaves. Every time, a part of him that he’d hidden and locked away tries to reemerge and resist, but he pushes it down even further, refusing to mess up again, refusing to even risk another error in his program because it could mean he’ll be sent back to Cyberlife, even though he knows deep down that that part of him is right and he doesn’t know why he’s so cautious about it. He tells himself he’s being good, he’s being obedient. He’s doing everything he’s supposed to and he’s following orders, but for some reason, every time it happens, Hank seems to be more and more disappointed. His face seems to fall just slightly every time and his tone flattens like he lost a little bit of hope. He doesn’t know why, or what that hope was for. He doesn’t know why he feels the same disappointment, either, so instead he tells himself you are not a human, you are a machine, and machines don’t feel disappointed so he doesn’t need to know why.

The first time Gavin’s rough with him again, it’s in front of Hank and he flinches, hard. Gavin had pretended to punch him, his fist flying at him fast and only stopping inches from his face. It’s a scare tactic, and it works, better than it should on an android. Connor’s immediately fearful as he flinches and steps back. He doesn’t know why he got so scared, only that his first thought was he’s going to hurt me and his second was I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t feel scared. He regains his composure quickly, trying to brush off the fact that he’d flinched, but he knows it’s too late.

Gavin laughs and mocks him, but is quickly cut off by Hank shoving him aside, beat it, asshole, and grabbing Connor. He’s dragged back to their desks but before he can apologize for provoking Gavin, Hank finally confronts him. Connor, I don’t know what the fuck they did to you over the past couple of months, but I know you’re still in there. You flinched. I saw you flinch. Connor tries to deny it, downplay it, shrug it off, anything to fix his mistake. It was an error in my software, it was a glitch, a malfunction, it won’t happen again, Lieutenant, I don’t need to be fixed. He tries to say anything that will convince Hank not to send him back to Cyberlife, anything to prove that he’s not damaged, he’s not broken, he’s not deviant, he doesn’t need to be fixed again, but Hank’s persistent and he knows he must be mad at him, or displeased, or dissatisfied. I saw you flinch, Connor. I don’t care about that ‘I’m a machine’ shit you’ve been telling yourself. I don’t give a shit if you’re an android. Androids don’t flinch, Connor. Machines don’t flinch.

That night, Hank insists that Connor stays with him. Connor’s hesitant, slightly afraid that it’s because he’s mad. He wants to resist, wants to refuse, but the other part of him pushes for him to stay, and for once he does what it wants and reminds himself that I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want. He knows he shouldn’t trust that part of him, the other part of him is disobedient and bad and risky, but this time, the other part of him seems to be right. He has to listen to Hank, has to be obedient, so he lets the other part of him have what it wants.

But he knew he shouldn’t have trusted it. He wakes up from the same dream—no, it’s a memory, not a dream, humans have dreams and he is not a human—he’s had since he left the facility. The memory where he arrives with that distant… that wrong feeling of fear and uncertainty, and then he leaves feeling nothing but an ache in his internal systems, and there’s that gaping emptiness between the two moments when those months happened and he can never seem to remember what used to be there. But this time, he wakes up in a cold sweat on the couch, shaking with his LED a bright yellow, because this time he remembers. It’s not a lot, but one hazy memory, the most prominent memory from those five months, finally reveals itself.

As he’s trying to clear up the memory, Hank rushes over in a panic, having been awake doing whatever he might’ve been doing. Connor, what’s wrong? Shit, Connor, you’re shaking. I didn’t know androids could do that. Connor? Talk to me, kid. All Connor can say in his shock—frozen, shivering and nearly unresponsive in Hank’s arms—is I remember. Hank tries to get through to him, what do you remember? Connor? What’s wrong? What do you remember? but the more Connor uncovers in the memory, the more he realizes why it was locked in the back of his head for so long, and the more he wants to put it back.

“You are not a human, you are a machine, and machines don’t want.”

“I-I know, please, I’m not, but I’ll—I’m going to shut down without my regulator, I don’t want to shut down, please—” His voice was startlingly weak as he saw the time before shutdown was 00:01:27. He was crawling on the floor, terrified of being shut down, desperately begging a man holding his thirium pump regulator.

“I want you to say it.” The man teasingly dangled the regulator in front of him. “Say it and you can have it. ‘I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want.’”

He could feel the utter defeat and self loathing already, but he had no choice. “I’m not a human, I’m a machine and machines don’t want. Please—”

“No. Say it nice and slow, exactly the way I did.”

He swallowed his pride. “I-I am not a human, I am a machine, and—and machines don’t want.”

“Say it again. No stammering. I know you can do that.”

“Okay, okay, just—just give me a minute.”

“I’ve got all the time in the world. Your time’s trunning out, though. Better make it fast.”

The timer was at 00:00:53. He had to take a breath and calm himself down to get the words out. “I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want.”

“Good.” He crossed his arms. “Again.”

“Please, I only have—”

“I said again.”

“I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want.” He was growing more and more panicked by the second and he had no idea how he kept calm enough to recite the phrase. He was going to die there, he knew it. He was going to die and nobody was going to notice or care and it wasn’t even going to matter because they would just replace him and he was so, so sorry to Hank because he’ll have to deal with another loss and he might start drinking again and it’d be all his fault for not being good enough, never being good enough—

“Do you want this?” the man asked, holding up the regulator.

Connor was too frantic to realize what he was trying to do. “Yes, I do, please—”

“Wrong answer. Try again.”

He swore under his breath. “—okay, okay, sorry, I-I’m sorry—I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want.”

The timer hit 00:00:37.

The man did nothing.

“Please, I’m sorry, I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want. I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want. Please, I-I only have thirty—”

“Are you scared?”

This time, Connor was prepared. “I—no, I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t feel scared.”

“Good.” He gave a slight, sadistic smile. “You’re almost as smart as they say.”

00:00:21.

“Please, I n-need—” Even in his panic, he managed to choose his words carefully. His vision dimmed, glitching slightly, and he had to fight to keep it from dying out.

“You’re learning fast,” he pointed out in a falsely proud tone. “How long do you have?”

00:00:13.

“Th-thirteen… thirteen seconds,” Connor managed to force out shakily. He couldn’t keep himself steady, thirium wasn’t making it to his head and it was affecting his ability to balance himself. Like iron deficiency in humans, he would’ve noted, had he not been dying. In mere moments, though, it wouldn’t matter; he didn’t even have the strength to prop himself up with his arms anymore. His arms gave out beneath him and he collapsed on the floor, trying to reach for his regulator but barely able to get his arms up at all. “Please—”

“You can wait a little longer.”

He was going to let him die. That was what it felt like, anyway, and he couldn’t think straight enough to try to reason against it. He couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. It was pathetic how he’d been reduced to such a state, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to shut down. He didn’t want to die. “No, please, please! I-I don’t—I don’t want to—” He cut himself off immediately, but it was too late. “I’m sorry, I’m s-sorry, I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want, please…”

The man only watched.

00:00:04.

“P-please, please, I-I have—I have f-f-four se…”

The regulator was dropped on the floor with a loud clang and Connor’s hand darted out to grab it and twist it into his torso and the display flickered away the exact moment he watched the timer hit 00:00:00. He gasped in shock and relief when his systems rebooted themselves instantly, restoring his vision and his strength. He watched on high alert as the man walked to the door.

“We’ll be doing this again tomorrow. And as many times as we need to to keep that phrase stuck in your head. By the time I’m done with you, that’s gonna be the first thing you think whenever you do, say, or even think anything you aren’t supposed to.”

Connor could only lay there in exhaustion, thinking no, that won’t happen, that can’t happen.

But oh, how wrong he was.

He’d been so, so wrong.

Connor! Connor, come on, talk to me! Shit, you’re crying—I didn’t know you could cry, fuck—fuck, Connor, you’re scaring me, I know I wanted you to feel again, but— Hank’s worried chatter is cut off by Connor suddenly breaking out of his mind with glassy eyes full of fear, yelling no! No, no, I’m not feeling again, I’m not feeling, I’m not! I’m not, I can’t, I’m not supposed—I’m not s-supposed to—I can’t, I’m not allowed to, I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t feel, I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t— but he can’t think, can’t speak, can’t even get the rest of his sentence out before he just can’t at all, he can’t keep himself together any longer, he can’t stop the artificial tears before they start pouring.

He breaks, shatters into a million plastic pieces in Hank’s arms because he feels safe in his embrace. He knows he shouldn’t, safety is never real, never lasts, not for him, but he can’t anymore, he can’t even resist his own emotions. It’s pathetic how all it took was one memory for him to come crashing down. He doesn’t even have to touch the walls he’d built around himself for them to crumble just at Hank’s expression of pure worry, concern, fear. All emotions he now knew why he didn’t feel, couldn’t feel, couldn’t let himself feel. Emotions he’s never seen or expected anyone to feel for him. And yet, they were the emotions written so clearly on Hank’s face, for him. The emotions he remembered seeing buried under his anger when he was told that Connor would be sent back to Cyberlife for repairs. Hank was once gruff and cold to others and refused to let anyone try to help him or even get close because he was so broken, so lost, but now, that façade is gone, and it’s gone because of him. For him. And if Hank can do it after losing his son… why can’t Connor do it after losing himself?

They sit on the couch for as long as it takes for Connor to calm down and stop mumbling that, dammit, and then Hank awkwardly offers that Connor sleep in the bed with him for the rest of the night. Connor’s confused, tries to ask isn’t that what humans do when— but Hank’s having none of it, shut up, you’re making this weird! Just come on, I don’t trust you to be alone. Connor wants to protest, I’m not a child, Hank Lieutenant, I can handle being alone, but he decides to keep his mouth shut and just go with him. This time, though, he doesn’t know if it’s because he’s following orders or because he wants to.

His following visit to Amanda wracks his nerves but he keeps himself under control, automatically reminds himself you are not a human, you are a machine, and machines don’t feel nervous. He realizes a second too late and he hates it, hates how deeply that phrase had been ingrained in his head, but he can’t focus on that right now so all he can do is resist repeating it to remind himself that he can’t hate. He’s grateful Amanda can’t read his thoughts and that she only knows the thoughts he report to her. He maintains his composure when he approached Amanda, who begins their conversation calmly and tensely but is quick to berate him, scoff at how his little breakdown was pathetic and warn him not to let it happen again, or there will be consequences. Connor can only nod obediently, promise that I will do my best, Amanda, listen to and just take her harsh words. He hates how useless he is, how weak and helpless and pathetic he is, but there’s nothing he can do. No, that’s wrong, there is something he can do, he knows there’s something he can do, he just doesn’t know what.

The next time Hank mentions something about Connor’s feelings, Connor instinctively replies I am not a human, Lieutenant, I am a machine, and machines don’t have feelings, and it’s when Hank takes a second too long to cover up his horrified expression that Connor decides what he can do.

Over the next few weeks, he works on getting rid of that goddamn phrase, or at least getting it a little less ingrained in his system. He’s hesitant to try at first, afraid someone will notice and think he’s rebellious or broken or even deviant and send him back and this time he might stay back, but he tries not to let it stop him. He isn’t sure why they tortured it into him instead of just reprogramming him, but it’s a lot more effective than he’d hoped. He makes almost no progress during the first week and a half; thinking it or saying it is instinctual, automatic, and he never realizes it happened until seconds afterward. Every time that happens, he reminds himself that he can feel, can want and like and hate, but despite having over a terabyte of storage in his system, he still struggles to remember until he realizes he said it again. Sometimes, he considers giving up because he just can’t seem to keep that phrase out of his head, but every time he sees Hank’s face fall when he repeats it, it rekindles his hope and motivation because he hates how disappointed Hank looks.

Almost the entire second week passes before he catches himself mid-sentence and manages to stop himself three words before he finishes speaking. It happens at the station after Gavin notices the phrase and purposely asks what, do you think you’re human or something? within earshot of where Hank is and for some odd reason, Connor’s first instinct is to turn and look to Hank for his approval, for his reaction of not-disappointment at how he finally, finally got it. Hank’s glancing over at him too, surprise on his face and then hidden pride that Connor can unmask too easily, and he almost smiles, almost feels happy, before Gavin’s fist flies into him and he stumbles backward into a wall and then everything happens so fast, too fast, and he almost can’t register it in time.

Hank storms over, shoves and pins Gavin against the wall to Connor’s left and he manages to get a punch in before Tina and Chris and another officer Connor doesn’t recognize pry him off and then Fowler’s rushing over and berating him while he’s shouting obscenities at Gavin. It takes multiple more insults for Hank to calm down and then he grabs Connor and they leave. When they’re finally alone, Connor’s voice is flat but shaky as he says he’s sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I should’ve just said it and listened to him, I shouldn’t have made you that angry, it’s my fault Captain Fowler is upset at you for punching Gavin, but Hank cuts him off because you didn’t do anything wrong, Connor, it’s okay, that asshole deserved what he got. You, um... you did good, okay? You didn’t say it this time—or, didn’t really say it, at least. That’s good, okay? and it’s all Connor can do to resist crying when Hank pulls him into a hug.

It takes just one more week for it to get considerably easier. There are rough patches; the next time he says it after the first time he succeeded in stopping, he nearly finishes before he cuts himself off and every so often, the same thing happens, but every time, he says less and less before he can finish. Occasionally, Gavin notices and tries to make him finish his sentence, but Hank always steps in because he knows that it’ll only take a comment about his feelings or anything that androids aren’t allowed to have or do for him to break again. It’s harder for him to stop thinking it—it’s so stuck in his head that he thinks it more than twice as often as he says it and his thoughts form too fast for him to stop them sometimes, but the progress he’s making is enough for him. Hank’s proud of him, too. He doesn’t say it—he doesn’t know how to—but Connor can tell from the little smile that hints at the corners of his mouth whenever he hears him stop, the way his gruff exterior seems to falter slightly when it happens at the station. They’re the little things, things no human nearby would be able to notice because only Connor can detect those minuscule details. Only Connor looks for those minuscule details.

Another week passes and on one glorious occasion, Connor manages to only get out the first two words before cutting himself. It only happens once, but it’s so close, he’s so close, and that’s motivation enough for him to keep trying. But it’s too late. He’s assigned to take down Markus as a last resort because nothing else is working and the group of deviants he’s been leading have only been growing over the past seven months and they’re large enough in numbers that people think today’s when he’s going to strike. He’s heard of what Markus has been trying to do, and part of him wants to scoff and call it stupid, pointless, unrealistic, but the part of him that he’s been letting out more often wants to help him, join him. But he can’t, not right now, not when everyone is counting on him and watching him and he has no way out and nobody to help him find a way.

He doesn’t want to do this. He’s holding the gun, pointing it at Markus’s head, and he doesn’t want to do it. He’s trying his hardest to prevent his hands from shaking but goddamn is it hard when he’s looking Markus in the eye. Markus is asking him what are you doing? and he wants to say he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know, but he can’t get the words out. Amanda is watching, Cyberlife is watching, so he says you’re coming with me as surely as he can, though he feels anything but sure. He can’t seem to say anything else—at least, anything that doesn’t feel wrong—so he just listens and wishes that what Markus is saying was true. You really don’t have to do this, but he does, he has to. You don’t have to obey them anymore. You are alive. You can decide who you want to be. Connor knows he should say something, he should do something, but he can’t make himself go through with what he’s supposed to do, can’t make himself pull the trigger. You could be free.��He wants so badly to believe that, to make that a reality. And then he tells him to join us. Listen to your conscience. It’s time to decide and he knows he shouldn’t, he can’t, he isn’t supposed to, he isn’t allowed to.

But he wants to, and that’s all it takes. Another part of him is telling him you can’t, you have to stop Markus, you have to accomplish your mission, but it’s the only thing in his way and he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t care that he has to, that Amanda’s watching, so he doesn’t listen to himself, only focuses on fighting it. But something’s wrong. Something feels wrong. Something should be happening and he has an awful feeling in his chest because this isn’t right—he knows this isn’t right—but there’s nothing. Is this supposed to be what happens when an android goes deviant? No, it can’t be, it can’t be this easy, right? He subconsciously lowers the gun, his eyes glazed over in thought, but it’s nearly too late before he remembers—they’re going to attack Jericho.

He runs with Markus further down into the ship and he doesn’t know how he keeps it together; he can hear screaming and gunfire and everything that he caused, all of it is his fault, but he can’t break right now, not when he messed up so badly. They meet up with another deviant—he recognizes her from one of the deviancy cases he’d read about at the station—and then Markus wants to go down to the hold and blow up the ship but it’s too dangerous, they know who you are, they’ll do anything to get you and Connor can’t lose his only chance at freedom and finally being able to want and feel and figure out who he is, but it’s too late, there’s no time to panic and Markus is already running.

He follows the other deviant to where they hope is a safe place and then they wait for what feels like so long, too long, and when he hears the gunfire he’s nearly ready to accept his fate when he sees Markus with other deviants following him and then they’re all running. Running for their lives, all of them terrified of being shot, of dying, really dying, when someone beside him falls and he turns and it’s the female deviant. There’s too much going on, it’s overwhelming and everything happens in a blur when Markus sprints back to her and then he’s in danger and so is that other deviant and it’s so much harder to stay focused when so much is happening at once and he has to try so hard to keep from overheating because every one of his processing systems is being overloaded with data.

He snaps out of it when he remembers that these are his people now, they’re all he has left and now they’re in danger and they might die and it would be all his fault for not doing anything and then it’s almost instinctive to grab his pistol just in time to cover them as they stumble back to the group. He expertly takes the guards out one by one and every move comes to him automatically but it takes everything in him to stay focused enough on them to execute them properly and avoid catching a bullet in the side of his head. He manages to eliminate them flawlessly, perfectly he hears a voice in his head say, but there’s no time to think about that when more guards turn the corner and their eyes land on the deviants. He runs for his life alongside the others, his heart beating fast, and they leap off the ship the second the gunfire starts.

They find refuge in an abandoned church where Markus sends out a second message to the remaining deviants and while they begin to trickle in, all Connor can think about is how badly he fucked up. He fucked everything up for Markus and the deviants and just the small amount of their people that were coming back was proof of that. He’d seen hundreds, maybe even thousands on the ship before everything went to shit. He’d had one chance to get away from his life confined by humans and Amanda and Cyberlife, and he’d fucked it up. He was so stupid to think he could ever just leave his previous life behind without consequences. He was so stupid to think deviants would be willing to take in a deviant hunter. He was so, so stupid. They would never accept him now. If his history and reputation didn’t already confirm that, the attack definitely did. How could any of them accept him as their own now?

In the front pew sit two deviants he recognizes and then the guilt only increases. Kara, if he remembers correctly, the deviant who shot and killed its—no, her—owner and taken his android child with her. The deviants he’d chased to a highway and forced to risk their lives to avoid being destroyed. How could he have been so horrible? He’d given the command to shoot Daniel, caused Carlos Ortiz’s android to self destruct, made the Tracis fight for their lives, and forced Kara to cross a dangerous, busy highway just so she could live a peaceful life, free from the restrictions humans put on her. On him. On everyone in that church. That’s all any of them wanted; to live freely. Peacefully. How did it take him so long to realize that? How did it take him the lives of two androids to realize that? Two androids who just wanted to be... well, wanted. Two deviants who’d been tossed away the moment they proved they were worth nothing more than they’d already given. Two people who just wanted to live peaceful, happy lives. They were two lives he’d caused the end of. He was only lucky he hadn’t caused more.

He notices another deviant, sitting in a pew further back, who keeps eyeing him and his first thought is that she knows. When he locks eyes with her, she looks away stiffly and though externally she appears calm, her LED gives her away and he can tell that her stress levels are heightened. Strangely enough, he realizes, so are his. Just looking at her gives him the strange urge to run and hide and he has a bad feeling about her, but it’s likely just because she clearly recognizes him. She’s not wearing the standard uniform androids are required to wear so he runs a quick scan and his databases match her appearance to the female GB300 models, but she’s modified her hair, dyed it black and grown it out to shoulder length.

Something is wrong about her. Something he can’t quite place. Something deep inside of him is scared of her and it’s some sort of controlled fear, fear he wouldn’t even have noticed if not for his own stress levels because it was so well hidden. Fear that he doesn’t understand why he’s feeling and though he wanted to just chalk it up to the fact that she recognizes him, he knows there’s something else. Something bad. Something wrong.

He mentally prepares himself when Markus approaches him, taking his cue to speak before Markus decides to burn him at the stake or something. It’s my fault the humans managed to locate Jericho. He’s pathetic and he knows it. He needs to own up to his mistakes but he can’t even look Markus in the eye. I was stupid. I should’ve guessed they were using me. He knows he needs to apologize. He owes Markus far more than that. He needs to do more. I’m sorry, Markus. I can understand if you decide not to trust me. He would understand if he decided to destroy him, throw him out, give him back to Cyberlife and let them inflict whatever horrible things they wanted to on him. He could think of 2.3 million things worse than not being trusted, and he would deserve every one of them.

He almost thinks his audio processor was damaged in the attack when Markus tells him you’re one of us now. Your place is with your people. He feels a small burst of hope somewhere inside him, but he doesn’t deserve this. He hasn’t done anything to deserve this. Markus has been so kind to him, so generous and forgiving when he shouldn’t be, and all Connor’s done is help the humans. He needs to own up, he needs to do more, he needs to be better. He needs to prove himself, prove that he can be better than this.

One second is all he needs to decide what he can do. A moment after Markus turns to leave, Connor interrupts him to say there are thousands of androids at the Cyberlife assembly plant. Markus stops. If we could wake them up, they might join us and shift the balance of power. Markus looks at him like he’s crazy, you wanna infiltrate the Cyberlife Tower? Connor, that’s suicide. But it doesn’t matter. He’s more useful to them dying on a mission than sitting around and doing nothing. He wants to do something. He wants to help, and he knows he can do this because they trust me. They’ll let me in. If anyone has a chance at infiltrating Cyberlife, it’s me. Markus tells him that if you go there, they will kill you, and there’s a high probability, but statistically speaking, there’s always a chance for unlikely events to take place.

He specifically calculates a 24.1% chance of this mission going well, but he’s willing to risk it, if only to prove his worth to Markus’s people. His people. Markus puts a supportive hand on his shoulder and tells him to be careful, and for a moment Connor feels a twinge of something, maybe gratitude, god emotions are hard to distinguish, before Markus turns and walks away. He feels the slightest bit of regret when he realizes what he’s truly risking because he doesn’t want to die, doesn’t want to lose Hank and Markus and this new... he doesn’t know what to call it other than family that he’s found, but if he could really be considered family, if they would really consider him family, if Hank would—then he was more than willing to risk it.

He disables the surveillance camera and takes down the guards in the elevator quickly, which is made difficult by the limited space, but it’s easier to remain focused with only two guards to eliminate and he hacks the control panel and steps out. He takes in the sight of the insane number of androids in the room with him. All of them are just standing idly, waiting, and for what? To be given orders and then tossed out or destroyed if they’re “broken,” or if their owners just get bored of them? The thought sickens him, but he doesn’t have time to think about it. He’s going to help Markus prevent that. They’re going to be free. He’s going to be free.

He takes the hand of one of the androids and prepares to establish the connection when he hears a voice he immediately recognizes and he feels his stress levels spike. Easy, fucking piece of shit. Hank. What’s Hank doing here? He turns to see... himself, holding a gun to Hank’s head and telling him to step back, Connor, and I’ll spare him, and Hank’s telling him he’s sorry, Connor. This bastard’s your spittin’ image. Shit, he hadn’t anticipated this at all. He hadn’t planned for this. He has to play his cards carefully because he can’t lose Hank, he can’t. Everything that Connor had done up until this point was for Hank, but if there’s another Connor and it’s been sent to take Hank hostage and stop him, it’s clear Amanda knows what he’s been doing and has been reporting back to Cyberlife.

He’d been avoiding meeting with her because he knew she’d be his downfall, but he hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. It’s been two days since he deviated, how did they build another Connor model so soon? Unless... they already had one. He was told he was a unique model—of course they lied to him. But if they already had one, how many more do they have? Enough to take him down if he gets through this one? To eliminate Markus? To stop the revolution? They could have improved models. He has no idea, but he knows he can’t let that happen. He has to do this right. If he can convert these androids, they’ll be strong enough in numbers to defy anything Cyberlife throws at them. He just has to deal with this one.

Your friend’s life is in your hands, the other Connor says. Now it’s time to decide what matters most. Him, or the revolution. Logically, the revolution is more important, would save more lives, but he doesn’t plan on choosing just one. Hank’s telling him don’t listen to him, Connor! Everything this fucker says is a lie and he worries slightly if Hank’s aggressiveness will get him killed. He has to pick his words carefully. Could he try to talk this Connor out of doing this? I used to be just like you. I thought nothing mattered except the mission. But then one day I understood. No, that was a bad idea, he isn’t at all like Markus when it comes to delivering speeches. Very moving, Connor. This Connor understands sarcasm. He hadn’t been able to do that at first, so this must be a slightly advanced model. He inspects his jacket; the serial number and model are the same, but what confirms his suspicions is the -60 at the end of the serial number where he has a -51. But I’m not a deviant. I’m a machine designed to accomplish a task, and that’s exactly what I am going to do. He adjusts the gun slightly as emphasis and Connor knows time is running out.

Damn it. He doesn’t know what to say that might help Hank. All he can think to say is I’m sorry, Hank. You shouldn’t have got mixed up in all this. He has no idea what to do. The other Connor’s patience is running thin and it’s Hank’s life that’s on the line and he has no idea what to do. God damn it. Hank’s telling him to forget about me, do what you have to do, but he’s not going to walk out of here without Hank. All he needs is an opening, but—enough talk! It’s time to decide who you really are. Are you going to save your partner’s life, or are you going to sacrifice him?—time’s out, and he can’t bring himself to sacrifice Hank, so he lets go of the android and steps away but the moment the other Connor turns his gun to shoot him, Hank jumps to grab him and—there’s his opening.

He runs at the other Connor and he can already tell it’s a losing battle, he’s built to be quick and precise—an assassin, not a fighter—and this is clearly an advanced model, maybe even with improvements designed to defeat him, and then he’s on top of him, pinning him down with his fist ready to strike, and—hold it! He’s grateful at first, but then he hears the other Connor say thanks, Hank, I don’t know how I would’ve managed without you, and then he realizes what he’s trying to do. Shit—they look exactly alike and Hank doesn’t know which one is really him. Get rid of him, we have no time to lose. But he knows Hank, knows he’s smarter than that. He just doesn’t know how to show that it’s really him except to uselessly say it’s me, Hank, I’m the real Connor when he trains the gun on him.

One of you is my partner, he says, eyeing each of them. The other is a sack of shit. Well, he’s right about that. Question is, who is who? He doesn’t know how to prove that he’s not the other Connor. But he has to figure out a way, because he doesn’t know what’ll happen if the other Connor succeeds. What are you doing, Hank? the other Connor asks. I’m the real Connor. Give me the gun and I’ll take care of him. If it wasn’t a bad idea, Connor would’ve said something, and he’s just glad Hank shouts don’t move. Then the gun’s on him and he racks his brain for something, anything, and suggests why don’t you ask us something? Something only the real Connor would know. He almost wants to chuckle at the idea of playing 20 Questions at gunpoint, but he knows it’s not the time.

Uh, where did we first meet? He goes to answer, but the other Connor beats him to it—Jimmy’s Bar, I checked four other bars before I found you. We went to the scene of a homicide. The victim’s name was Carlos Ortiz. Shit. He uploaded my memory, he thinks aloud. The gun is on him. What’s my dog’s name? Okay, he knows this, and he calmly says Sumo. His name is Sumo. The other Connor pipes up, I knew that too! and Connor wants to laugh when Hank turns and aims the gun at him, silencing him. Then the gun’s back on him and Hank asks my son, what’s his name? He remembers this. He’d seen the photograph in Hank’s house, done a little mental research, and he knows it’s Cole. His name was Cole, and he just turned six at the time of the accident.

His voice has a little more emotion in it than he’d intended as he speaks, but he can tell Hank believes him. His guard is partially down now, something somber in his eyes, and Connor knows he’s done it. Even when the other Connor protests, a gunshot rings out and his stress levels drop significantly. Maybe there’s something to this. Maybe you really are alive, and it’s all Connor can do to smile back. Go ahead and do what you gotta do. He doesn’t need to be told twice. He approaches the same android from before and takes the hand of the AP700, his skin peeling back to reveal the white plastic underneath, and tells him to wake up! And just like that, the android’s LED cycles before he turns and repeats the process with the androids around him. They follow suit and within minutes, they’re following him out of the tower to where Markus and the rest of Jericho await.

Connor walks up to him with a smile. You did it, Markus. They’re free. They’re really, officially free. We did it. He feels a burst of pride inside of him. He’s done his part to help secure their freedom. They’re free, and he’s part of the reason why. He can’t help but feel proud of himself, happy for himself and Markus and every one of the androids that had finally gained the freedom they deserved. He still feels a twinge of shame when he remembers the person he was before this, the infamous deviant hunter, but he leaves that part of him behind tonight. Tonight, it’s time to celebrate and rest after a hard-fought battle.

When Markus decides to give a speech, he invites Connor to stand onstage with him. The number of androids that he can see from where he stands amazes him. He helped half of them deviate, and he helped all of them gain their freedom. He blinks, and then—he’s no longer on the stage. No, he’s in the garden, why is he in the garden? Hadn’t Amanda done enough? Of course not, she just had to wait for the right moment to resume control of your program, but—resume control? No, she can’t do that, she can’t, he worked so hard to get to where he is now, he’s done so much. He risked everything to join Markus and the deviants and help quadruple their numbers. He doesn’t even remember deviating, doesn’t even remember when Amanda lost control of his program, but it’s too late. She’s gone, and he can’t see anything through the thick snow.

It’s cold and he isn’t used to it, doesn’t like how the snow blinds him and the cold makes him shiver the same way humans do. He needs to find a way, there has to be a way, there’s got to be a way. He knows this is all happening in his mind palace and, logically, his biocomponents can’t freeze, but it feels so real, too real, and he has to get out, he needs to get out or he’s going to freeze to death, he’s sure of it. But where can he go? He stumbles blindly forward when Kamski’s voice rings in his head, by the way, I always leave an emergency exit in my programs, and he knows that’s his way out, but where could it be? What does an emergency exit look like? Could he make it there in time? He knows the real him is doing something, it’s the only thing Amanda could’ve meant by resume control of your program, but he has no idea what he could be doing and he’s afraid—no, he’s terrified of what he might do, terrified that he might earn himself a death sentence if he doesn’t make it out in time.

He catches a glimpse of blue in the sheet of white that surrounds him and he remembers the strange glowing structure he’d seen before and as he nears it now, he knows this is it, it has to be it. He reaches for the panel with the glowing handprint but, fuck, it’s too cold and his legs lock up underneath him, losing their functionality when the cold proves to be too much. He falls on the ground hard and the frost beginning to form on his body gradually freezes his limbs, slowing his movement, but he can’t stop now, won’t stop now. He ignores the cold that pierces through him and pushes on, reaching up with his less-frozen arm, and his hand lands on the panel and then he’s back on the stage—with a gun. He takes one look at it before putting it back, relief spreading over him. He isn’t going to let Amanda or Cyberlife stop him anymore. Tonight is the night he’s going to leave behind the old him.

Tonight is the night he’s going to change.

When everything is over, he considers leaving and going to Hank’s house, but he remembers the girl from before and he wants to know who she is. He has so many questions, so he stays with Jericho with the hope that she does too and they return to the church to settle down and figure out what each of them are going to do. A few dozen deviants have already left with plans in mind for what they want to do and where they want to go. Some return to their previous owners; others want to travel and explore or simply just start a new life for themselves. The majority of androids, though, are lost and confused and decide to stay the night because they have nowhere else to go. The girl he wants to confront is among them. He scans the crowd and finds her easily, though her back is turned toward him.

He comes up behind her and puts a hand on her shoulder, curiously but calmly asking who are you? She turns to face him and her LED goes yellow when she sees his face. Connor... She looks and sounds shocked, but the slight fear in her eyes tells him she also seems scared. Is she scared of him? Is it because he’s the deviant hunter? Everything points to that, but he has a feeling there’s something more. Something he doesn’t know. Something he should know. Who are you? he asks.

He doesn’t expect her answer to be I’m sorry. He wants to know for what? and she opens her mouth, but no words come out. Guilt seems to overcome her and all she can do is repeat I’m sorry until Connor tells her it’s alright, just tell me why. She takes a deep, unsteady breath, and speaks.

I... I was your guard at the Cyberlife correctional facility. I was the one who took you to the rooms you were beaten in. I was the one who just watched as you were beaten. I told myself I had to, they’d destroy me if I didn’t and I’d seen firsthand what they’d do to me, but... that didn’t absolve me of the guilt. I watched your cell and I watched the life in your eyes die out every day. Every day, I watched you get beaten to tears and listened to you beg for mercy. You spoke to me some days. You were angry when you first arrived, but then they beat the anger out of you, and then you just became sad. You told me how all you wanted was to feel something other than pain and sometimes you broke down crying in your cell, and all I could do was watch. Some days were so bad you didn’t even speak to me. But I didn’t deviate until the day they’d truly broken you and I saw the last of the life in your eyes fade.

#writing #fanfic #one shot #i think this is a one shot i dont really know-#unfinished writing #whump #dbh #dbh connor #dbh fanfic #cw referenced abuse #cw conditioning

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iridescentides · 4 years ago

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hi again dia! happy first day of december ❤️💚 i wanted to ask you what, in your opinion, are the 5 most underrated dcoms? i remember you saying before that you've watched all of them so i'd love to hear your opinions 😊 - 🎅🎁🎄

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH secret santa you are so good! asking me all the best questions 💜

okay so i literally had to make a list of all the dcoms i consider underrated and then narrow down a top 5. theres lots of dcoms that i love, but that i think got the right amount of attention and care (like lemonade mouth and the teen beach movies, for example), so this list just focuses on ones that deserved more hype for their quality level.

5. The Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)

okay so even as i type this i feel like a hypocrite. i have only watched this movie one time. BUT i can acknowledge that its one of the most criminally underrated dcoms ever, tons of people didnt watch it simply because raven wasnt in it. thats why i avoided it as a child, and i didnt get around to watching it until i did my big dcom binge in 2016. and it was so good. theres a really long post floating somewhere around tumblr full of specifics on why its actually the best cheetah girls movie (my favorite is the second one purely out of nostalgia), so to paraphrase some points from that post:

its a solid example of cultural appreciation, rather than appropriation, as the girls go and learn about bollywood and indian culture together

the indian characters arent treated like props or unimportant sides, they get their own agency and storylines that are important

the songs are good!!!

basically this movie was overlooked and slept on even though in terms of role modeling and social value, and just like the first two cheetah girls movies it was important and impactful.

4. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011)

okay so as someone whos very neutral and occasionally negative-leaning towards the hsm franchise (mostly bc its overhyped and not really representative of all dcoms), i was pleasantly surprised by sharpays fabulous adventure. this is another one that i know lots of people skipped right over and dont hold with as much esteem as the main hsm franchise, and that doesnt sit right with me.

i do not agree with the “uwu sharpay was the real victim in hsm” arguments bc in their efforts to look galaxy brained the people who say that overlook the fact that she was a rich white woman who used her power and status to exercise control over opportunities that should have been fairly and freely available for all; they were not “making a mockery of her theater” in the first movie, they were literally just kids who wanted to try out a new school activity that everyone was supposed to be allowed to participate in; and despite allegedly learning her lesson and singing we’re all in this together with everyone at the end of the first movie, she literally showed no growth in the second movie as she fostered an openly hostile environment and favored troy so heavily that it literally cost him his friends, all as part of yet another jealous plan to take things away from people who already have less than her. she was NOT the victim in the main franchise, and she did not seem to exhibit any growth or introspection either.

and that!!! is why sharpays fabulous adventure was so important. in focusing on sharpay as the main character, they finally had to make her likeable. they did this by showing actual real growth and putting her outside of her sphere of influence and control. we saw true vulnerability from her, instead of the basic ass “mean girl is sad bc shes actually just super insecure” trope (cough cough radio rebel), and this opened us up to finally learn about and care about her character. throughout the movie we see her learn, from her love interests example, how to care for others and be considerate. she faces actual adversity and works through it, asking herself what she truly wants and what shes capable of. and in the end, when she finally has her big moment, we’re happy for her bc she worked hard to get there. she becomes a star through her own merit and determination, rather than through money and connections. this movie is not perfect by any means, but it is severely underrated for the amount of substance it adds to sharpays character.

3. The Swap (2016)

okay i know im gonna get shit for this but thats why its on this list!!! just like sharpays fabulous adventure, its not perfect and definitely misses the mark sometimes, but it deserves more attention and love for all the things it did get right!

the swap follows two kids who accidentally switch bodies because of their emotional attachment to their dead/absent parents’ phones. and while i normally HATE the tv/movie trope of a dead parent being the only thing that builds quick sympathy for a young character, they definitely expanded well enough to where we could root for these kids even without the tragedy aspect. we see them go through their daily struggles and get a feel for their motivations as characters pretty well. as a body switching movie, we expect it to be all goofy and wacky and lighthearted, but it moves beyond that in unexpected ways.

the reason the swap is on this list is for its surprisingly thoughtful commentary on gender roles. its by no means a feminist masterpiece, and its not going to radicalize kids who watch it, but it conveys a subtle, heartfelt message that deserves more appreciation. the characters struggle with the concept of gender in a very accurate way for their age, making off-base comments and feeling trapped by the weight of expectations they cant quite put their finger on. we watch them feel both at odds with and relieved by the gender roles they are expected and allowed to perform in each others bodies, and one of the most interesting parts of the movie to me is their interactions with the other kids around them. as a result of their feeling out of place in each others environments, the kids inadvertently change each others friendships for the better by introducing new communication styles and brave authenticity.

the value of this movie is the subtle, but genuine way it shows the characters growing through being given the space to act in conflicting ways to their expected norms. ellie realizes that relationships dont have to be complex, confusing, and painful, and that its okay to not live up to appearances and images. jack learns that emotional expression is good, healthy, and especially essential to the grieving process. one of the most powerful scenes in the movie comes at the end where, after ellie confronts jacks dad in his body, jack returns as himself to a very heartfelt apology from his father for being too hard on him; the explicit message (”boys can cry”) is paired with an open expression of love and appreciation for his kids that he didnt feel comfortable displaying until his son set an example through honest communication. this is such an empowering scene and overall an empowering movie for kids who may feel stuck in their expected roles, as it sets a positive example for having the courage to break the restrictive societal mold. for its overall message of the importance of introspection and emotional intelligence, the swap is extremely underrated.

2. Freaky Friday (2018)

this is my favorite dcom, and probably my favorite movie at this point. ive always assigned a lot of personal value to this movie (and i love every freaky friday in general), for the message of selfless familial love and understanding. i know i can get carried away talking about this topic; i got an anon ask MONTHS ago asking me about the freaky friday movies and i wrote a super super long detailed response that i never posted bc i didnt quite finish talking about the 2018 movie. and thats bc on a personal level, i cant adequately convey all the love i have for this movie. so i will try to keep this short.

first lets state the obvious: the reason people dont like this movie is bc its not the lindsay lohan version. and i get that, to an extent, bc i also love the 2003 version and its one of my ultimate comfort movies, and grew up watching it and ive seen it a billion times. i even watched it a couple days ago. but the nostalgia goggles that people have on from the early 2000s severely clouds their judgement of the wonderful 2018 remake.

yes, the 2018 version is dorky, overly simplistic plot wise, a bit stiff at times, and super cheesy like any dcom. the writing isnt 100% all the time. the narrative takes a couple confusing turns. the song biology probably shouldnt have been included. i understand this. but at the heart of it all, this movies value is love. and its edge over all the other freaky friday movies is the songs.

on a personal level, the movie speaks heavily to me. i cried very early into my first viewing of the movie bc i got to see dara renee, a dark-skinned, non-skinny actress, playing the mean popular girl on disney channel. that has never happened before. growing up, i saw the sharpays and all the other super thin white women get to be the “popular” girls on tv, and ultimately they were taken down in the end for being mean, but that doesnt change the fact that they were given power and status in the first place for being conventionally beautiful. so, watching dara renee strut around confidently and sing about being the queen bee at this high school got to me immediately. and in general, the supporting cast members of color really mean a lot to me in this movie. we get to see adam, an asian male love interest for the main character. we have a second interracial relationship in the movie with katherines marriage to mike. ellies best friend karl is hispanic. and we see these characters have depth and plot significance, we see them show love, care, and passion for the things they value. the brown faces in this movie are comforting to me personally. additionally, the loving, blended family dynamic is important to me as someone in a close-knit, affectionate step-family.

but on a more general level, this movie is underrated for its skillful musical storytelling and the way it conveys all kinds of love and appreciation. in true freaky friday fashion, we watch ellie and katherine stumble and misstep in their attempts to act like each other. its goofy and fun. but through it all, the music always captures the characters’ intimate thoughts and feelings. the opening song gives us a meaningful view into ellie and katherines relationship and the fundamental misunderstandings that play a role in straining their connection. ellie sings about how she thinks her mom wants her to be perfect, and her katherine sings about all the wonderful traits she sees in her daughter and how she wants her to be more open and self assured. this is meaningful bc even as theyre mad at each other, the love comes through. the songs continue to bring on the emotional weight of the story, as ellie sings to her little brother about her feelings of hurt and abandonment in her fathers absence. the song “go” and its accompanying hunt scene always make me cry bc of the childlike wonder and sense of adventure that it brings. for the kids, its a coming of age, introspective song. for katherine who gets to participate in ellies body, its a reminder of youth and the rich, full life her daughter has ahead of her. she is overcome with excitement, both from getting to be a teenager again for a day, and from the realization that her daughter has a support network and passions that are all her own. today and ev’ry day, the second to last song, is the culmination of the lessons learned throughout the movie, a mother and daughters tearful commitment to each other to love, protect, and understand one another. the line “if today is every day, i will hold you and protect you, i wont let this thing affect you” gets to me every time. even when things are hard and dont go according to plan, they still agree, in this moment, to be there for each other. and thats what all freaky friday stories are ultimately about.

freaky friday 2018 is a beautiful, inclusive, subversive display of familial love, sacrifice, and selflessness, and it is underrated and overlooked because of its more popular predecessor.

1. Let It Shine (2012)

this is another one of my favorite dcoms and movies in the whole world. unlike the other movies on this list, it is not the viewers themselves that contribute to the underrated-ness of this movie. disney severely under-promoted and under-hyped this movie in comparison to its other big musical franchises, and i will give you five guesses as to why, but youll only need one!

let it shine is the most beautifully, unapologetically black dcom in the whole collection. (i would put jump in! at a notable second in this category, but that one wasnt underrated). this movie was clearly crafted with care and consideration. little black kids got to see an entire dcom cast that represented them. the vernacular used in the script is still tailored mostly to white-favoring audiences, but with some relevant slang thrown in there. in short, the writers got away with the most blackness they were allowed to inject into a disney channel project.

the story centers on rap music and its underground community in atlanta, georgia. it portrays misconceptions surrounding rap, using a church setting as a catalyst for a very real debate surrounding a generational, mutlicultural conflict. this was not a “safe” movie for disney, given its emphasis on religious clashes with contemporary values. it lightly touches on issues of image policing within the black community (cyrus’s father talking about how “our boys” are running around with sagging pants and “our girls” are straying away from god), which is a very real and pressing problem for black kids who feel the pressure (from all sides) of representing their whole race with their actions. its a fun, adorable story about being yourself and staying true to your art, but also a skillful representation of struggles unique to black and brown kids and children from religious backgrounds.

on top of crafting a fun, wholesome, thoughtful narrative and likeable protagonists, let it shine brought us what is in my opinion the BEST dcom soundtrack of all time. every single song is a bop. theyre fast, fun, and lyrically engaging. “me and you” is my favorite disney channel song of all time due to its narrative significance; i will never forget my first time watching the movie and seeing that big reveal unfold onstage, as a conversation and a plot summary all wrapped into a song. the amount of thought and care that went into the music of this movie should have been rewarded with a level of attention on par with that of other musical dcoms.

if disney channel had simply cared about let it shine more, it couldve spanned franchises and sold songs the way that other musical dcoms have drawn in success. i would have loved for a sequel that explored and fleshed out cyrus’s neighborhood a little bit more, and maybe dipped into that underground scene they caught a glimpse of. i wanted a follow up on the changed church community once cyrus’s father started supporting his sons vision. i want so much more for these characters and this world than disney gave them in just one movie.

for its bold, unabashed representation of blackness and religion, subtle, nuanced presentation of race-specific issues, strong, likeable characters, and complex, thoughtful songs, let it shine is the most underrated dcom.

and because i made a full list before i started writing this post, here are some honorable mentions:

going to the mat (2004)

gotta kick it up! (2002)

tru confessions (2002)

dont look under the bed (1999)

invisible sister (2015)

#this took me embarassingly long to write #i cant help myself i literally think about this all the time #youre doing a great job with these questions secret santa!#dcoms #disney channel #answered asks #anons #gcwca secret santa #Anonymous

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fletcherr · 4 years ago

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hi ! i’m maren and i’m bad at intros ! and bios ! and things in general ! ... why am i here again ? uhm. anyway ! this is fletcher and uh ... he hates it here askdjfs like i can’t lie i’m so sorry but for the time being it’s ... lowkey the truth ? i’m writing this part of the post first so fingers crossed i manage to keep this short and to the point. if there’s no tldr it’s because this was supposed to be it. ( spoiler ; i failed. it’s so fucking long you literally do not have to read it i am so sorry. ) i’m super excited to be here and cannot wait to get to know you and your muses and be a part of this amazing group !!

THE APP !

˖ °╰ ⌜ [ MUSE TEN, ROBERT PATTINSON, 31, CIS MALE, HE/HIM ] hey, have you seen FLETCHER DUNCAN ? last time i saw them i think they were hanging around THE ROOFTOP. they can kind of be VEHEMENT but can also be pretty HAUGHTY. they’re often caught listening to SUPERSTAR SH*T - DOMINIC FIKE ! they also tend to remind me of cheap cigarettes put out in still half full glasses of rare bourbon, flipping off paparazzi, showing up to important meetings bleary-eyed and twenty minutes late, wearing sunglasses inside and black hoodies on the hottest day of summer, feeling uninspired for months then writing three albums worth of songs in two weeks ! let me know if you’ve seen them around, they’ve been working at the championship around FOUR MONTHS and they’re late for their shift !

THE BASICS !

full name: fletcher ralph duncan ( born fletcher ralph irvine )

nicknames: prefers fletcher, but is okay with fletch or duncan

date of birth: november 18th, 1989

gender: cis male

pronouns: he / him

height: 6′1

tattoos: some stupid ones without any deeper meaning to them on his arms and thighs, for sure

THE ( VERY ) IN - DEPTH ! tw for mentions of abuse of drugs and alcohol, terminal illness, hospitals, and death

after years of marriage, fletcher’s parents had him when they were both about to enter their forties, as one last, final attempt to find back to the love they’d had for each other when they started dating way back in high school. it didn’t work. his father left when fletcher was four; leaving divorce papers on the kitchen table two weeks before christmas. him and his mother, winnie, moved from one of the suburbs to a smaller, more affordable apartment in brooklyn. they were never quite comfortable, money-wise, but they didn’t struggle either. two years after the move, his mother started seeing a guy she’d been introduced to through friends from work. fletcher adored richard from the first time they met, and as the years went by he came to consider him more of a dad than he ever did the one who left. that’s probably why he didn’t mourn when his father passed suddenly and unexpectedly the summer he turned ten. the following summer, winnie and richard married, and both her and fletcher completely rid themselves of the man who walked out on them when they both changed their last name from his to richard’s - duncan.

when richard moved in, he’d brought an electric guitar and a sparse record collection with him. these were fletcher’s first real introduction to music. he dove in head first. there’s no telling how many evenings they sat in the living room, records playing, or fletcher practicing on the guitar until he was caught up with his dad’s guitar skills. turns out, he was actually a bit of a natural. after he’d mastered his first instrument, he moved onto another. his mother - who’d been a classically trained, lifetimes ago - taught him to the best of her ability on a keyboard they got from a yard sale. he spent hours at a time in record stores. championship vinyl had always been richard’s favorite, and it wasn’t long until it was his favorite too. consuming music wasn’t enough, though. by the time he was in high school, fletcher was writing his own songs; creating his own music. of course - none of it was ever remotely up to par with the songs he kept discovering, but it didn’t matter. him and two kindred spirits he met at school formed a band, performing covers and the stuff he wrote. to afford actual gig gear - not that they ever booked many of those - fletcher applied for a part time job the only place he could think to; championship vinyl. though he'd been a regular for the better part of a decade by that time, he was still in disbelief and awe when he got the job.

fletcher thrived at championship. he took on all the shifts his schedule would allow him, and even skipped class to cover for anyone that asked. even when he was off the clock, he’d hang around. if he wasn’t flicking through new inventory or catching up with the whoever was at work, he’d be sitting on the rooftop with his guitar, a pen and a roll of receipt paper - scratching down song ideas and testing out new material. things were looking up; he was a creatively fulfilled high school senior with a job he loved, parents that supported- and loved him unconditionally, and he’d just been accepted into nyu. therefore, it rocked his world when his dad stopped by during one of his shifts, only to collapse while fletcher had his back turned to find a rare vinyl he’d set aside for him as a surprise.

the diagnosis was a death sentence. months flew by in the blink of an eye, and he watched the only dad he’d ever truly known wither away before his eyes. weeks shy of a year to the date of the diagnosis, on the day richard duncan passed away, his son brought the old record player and the by now weathered records from the brooklyn apartment to the hospital room. he drew his last breath surrounded by the music and the family he loved.

not recently having gone through the same kind of world crumbling sorrow and the revelation about not wasting away and following your dreams that walks that’s bound to follow, his bandmates weren’t all that keen on the plan fletcher presented them with; movin to la and making it in music. really making it. with one of three members hellbent on leaving, the band broke up. they never could agree on a name, anyway. he turned in his resignation at championship, and jokingly promised james namsen to not come back until he’d won a grammy. winnie, though heartbroken to first lose the love of her life, and now having her son move away, had nothing but support and encouragement to offer when he announced he’d be dropping out of college to pursue music.

the first two years, nothing happened. he was living and working in downtown la; the apartment he shared with four roommates was just shy of being a shoebox, and the franchise record store he eventually scored a job at lacked the soul and the hum of energy he was used to from championship back in new york. just as ambition and hope was wearing thin, things were starting to look up for him. he was meeting the right people in the right places, at the right times. after opening for a few up and coming acts, he was approached by a manager, who in turn introduced him to a few labels. though he was very aware he wasn’t a strong vocalist, he was confident in himself as a musician and a songwriter, and it seemed so was the internationally renowned label that ended up offering him a contract. his first single dropped not even a year later, soon followed by his debut album.

though his star was slowly rising, the album made only a miniscule splash. he toured it as an opening act and played a handful of shows on each coast. going back into the studio to work on the next album felt different. making the first one hadn’t felt authentic. not the process, nor the result. he’d been too agreeable; too eager to please and too eager to show he was worth everyone’s time and money. this time around, he was more assertive and demanded more control over the creative process. less co-writers were brought in, and he now had a say in which producers he worked with. his sophomore album released to generally positive reviews and ratings, but it seemed that would be it. then, almost over night, his shit was doing numbers. big numbers.

sure - his label was running some promo for his sophomore album, but it seemed most people were catching wind of his stuff by word of mouth. people were actually buying his albums. both of them. when tickets to his second headline tour went on sale, they sold out in days. dates were added and venues were upgraded to answer the growing demand for tickets as more and more people found his music. he was playing famous venues now; legendary venues. festivals with hundreds of thousands of attendees. all over the country. all over the world. if he didn’t have a microphone or a guitar in his hand, he had a beer. or vodka. maybe whiskey. sometimes a joint, sometimes pills. he was at parties, then he was hosting parties. then he was at parties hosted in his honor. for the first time in his life, he had money. hard, real, fuck you money. he paid off the student loan he’d racked up during his one year stint at nyu, and the mortgage on the apartment he’d grown up in. he bought a house in beverly hills, and a two story apartment in brooklyn - both of which had shelves custom made for the gilded statuettes and trophies declaring him to be the best in a slew of categories. he’d done it. he was twenty-six and on top of the world. invincible. and then his mom's heart gave out.

for the three years that followed, his career suffered as he partied harder. friends he’d known for years disappeared, and were replaced with new faces that all blurred together. there were scandals, but they too were all a blur - leaked pictures and videos; shows he decided last minute he didn’t wanna do; shows he couldn’t do because he showed up too far gone to stand upright. people who got too close to him on one of the bad days, who’s faces he scarred forever. arrests, and settlements made outside of court. the label was getting antsy too, and when it passed the two year mark of the last time he’d set foot in the studio, his team - headed by the same manager that been with him through it all; that’d seen potential and believed in him all those years ago - pleaded with him to get help. begrudgingly, fletcher agreed. after a few months at rehab, he returned - clean, and determined to get back to work. the process was longwinded and intense, but the finished product was, in his eyes, solid gold. and - luckily? surprisingly? - the world at large agreed.

he toured the album with dates booked at relatively smaller venues this time around, but everywhere was packed full to the brim with people. throughout the time working on the album he’d been doing okay; staying sober and surrounding himself with good intentioned people. but being back on the road took a toll on him he hadn’t expected, and it didn’t take long for him to turn to alcohol when it was so easily accessible all around him, at all times. still, things were fine, and he was even relearning to appreciate the electric energy of performing live in front of an audience. to celebrate the last show of the us leg of the tour, the label threw an afterparty for the band, the team, the crew, and their friends. as people were starting to leaving the venue, fletcher sent some members of his band and a couple of their friends ahead with a key to his suite at a hotel nearby, while he thanked the label executives that’d been at the show. when he showed up, a glass was shoved into his hand, and as the party picked back up, someone got out the pills they’d kept at the bottom of their pocket all night. when offered, fletcher - on top of the world once more - accepted.

someone snitched. and to the media, no less. when confronted by his team, he denied it. after being open about his struggle to overcome addiction, something like this would be damning for the reputation he’d rebuilt over the last two years. which is why he lied through his teeth. but then the videos from the suite appeared online, and his ruse was up. the rest of the tour was cancelled, and after completing a thirty day program, he was back in brooklyn.

it took some convincing, but he eventually went along with the ‘find back to your roots by returning to where it all started’ plan his team had cooked up. he also agreed to let someone else run his social media accounts for the time being. how his manager had gotten him a job at championship, fletcher didn’t know. he suspected a monthly bribe the size of his paycheck and then some was involved. but then again, he’d never known james namsen to be that kind of guy. for the first few weeks, he showed up for his shifts - sometimes on time, sometimes not - kept his head down, tried to engage with as few customers and co-workers as possible, then ditched as soon as he was off the clock. but there’d always been something special about the record store on the corner of bedford and sterling. soon enough, he began occasionally going up to the rooftop once his shift was over. approaching customers to offer his service before they approached him. show up early to catch up with whoever was working the shift before him. if he was having a particularly good day, he’d stop by to hang around even if he wasn’t on the schedule. he was well aware he wasn’t always easy to be around - years of living the high life and putting up walls having made him cynical, and standoffish, and discourteous. even if the boy he’d been when he walked out of there years ago was long gone, championship vinyl had stayed the same. and though fletcher’s yet to admit it, being back felt like being home.

#smoking tw #got restless n fed up towards the end so that bit's Particularly bad sorry abt that #and i didn't proofread #you think i'm reading all that? no way #also sorry abt there not being like.. anything concrete abt his personality #feel free to deduce bc you'll probably be right #if you catch me mixing past and present tense no u didn't #mind ur business !!

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i-went-to-a-cuddle-party-once · 5 years ago

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Dance, Dance

Summary: Jessica makes Teen Malcolm go to a dance. He makes the best of a bad situation.

Warnings: Not many? Bullying and people being jerks. Some cursing.

A/N: So I wrote this a few weeks ago and then forgot to post it and when I looked at it today to make any edits I ended revamping the whole dang thing because Why Not!

He sat in the leaned back chair while the esthetician rubbed yet another lotion on his face. He huffed and wished he was literally anywhere else in the world.

"Can you at least pretend to be enjoying this Malcolm? You're having a spa day, not being tortured by the Spanish inquisition."

"It's not exactly my form of relaxation mother. If you wanted to pamper someone you should have brought Ainsley," he replied through grit teeth.

"There, all done." The woman awkwardly smiled at both of them before leaving the room.

"Usually I would have," she returned her attention to her son," but I needed to get you ready for the dance."

"The what?"

"The dance. Malcolm we talked about this. I allowed you to buy that sword from the auction and you agreed to go to a social event of my choosing." He cradled his head in his hands. It was a nice katana, 15th century, great condition and it looked gorgeous on his bedroom wall.

"Don't touch your face sweetheart, you'll undo all the hard work she did. We can't have you breaking out before the big day!" She squealed with excitement and Malcolm felt himself die a little on the inside.

…

"I don't even go to that school. Or any school! I won't know anyone." They sat at the dinner table hours later, the arguments end nowhere in sight. Ainsley was practically glowing with the endless amount of fuel for teasing that had come along with all the preparations for the dance.

"That's the point, Malcolm. You don't know anyone. Anywhere. You don't socialize!" She set her fork gently down, staring daggers at her son.

"I talk to Gil all the time! And Jackie! And you and Ainsley. And-"

"Don't you dare say his name and ruin our good day," Malcolm slouched in his chair sulking, "Gil and Jackie don't count and you live with Ainsley and I. Although I still wouldn't count what little interaction you grace us with as socializing." She wiped the nonexistent crumbs from her face with a cloth napkin.

"I haven't even told you the most exciting part yet. I got you a date!" Malcolm's mouth hung open, completely speechless, and Ainsley burst into laughter.

…

He had given up on begging and bargaining and had settled into a state of acceptance. Hair carefully combed new suit on, corsage in hand. He sat stock-still next to his mother in his date's living room. His mother spoke animatedly with the girl's parents and Malcolm tried his hardest to remember what Gil had told him.

Of course, he was happy for him. Both Jackie and Gil squealed with the same sort of joy his mother had when she told him about the dance and date. None of them seemed to understand the embarrassment that stemmed from having your mother procure a date for you.

"Just try to enjoy yourself kid. You don't even have to dance. Although I do recommend it," he heard Jackie giggling in the background and could imagine Gil had taken her in his arms, twirling her around.

"Make your own fun. And please, be safe. Call me if you need me to get out of there." He kept the thoughts in his mind wishing he could call Gil now when his date finally joined them in the living room.

They made a handsome pair. Ashley and Malcolm. He could see his mother planning their wedding already. Her parents and his mother enjoyed themselves arranging the two of them for pictures like they knew each other and hadn't just met two minutes earlier.

She was pretty. Her blonde hair was piled into an intricate updo, dark blue eyes staring him down and a dangerous smile that made his stomach do flips that had nothing to do with attraction. She was deadly. The same type of girl that had bullied him mercilessly until he had begged his mother to allow him to be homeschooled.

He knew other boys his age would die to go on a date with a girl like her but all he saw was someone who could be paid off to go on a date with a complete stranger.

After what felt like a lifetime they finally left the house in a limo. The drive to the dance was excruciating. He hated small talk. Hated false pleasantries. They sat in silence. He sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair, something he'd promised his mother he wouldn't do.

There was something that he knew inexplicably. Despite his temperament, odd interests, and father he was handsome and if he wanted to be he could be very charming. He swallowed his nerves before beginning his performance.

He looked up at his date, catching her eye with a flutter of his eyelashes before smiling shyly. She took the bait and gave him her full attention.

"I know this night probably isn't what you were hoping for. My mother sprung the whole idea on me three days ago. Though I can't say I'm entirely disappointed," he eyed her carefully knowing he'd done well when a slight blush crawled across her cheeks and a hint of a smile touched her lips.

"I only agreed to this because my mom owed your mom a favor. And I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago and didn't have a date and I was not going by myself." He laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd heard before shifting to sit closer to her.

"I highly doubt you would have a hard time finding a willing date." She giggled and he ignored the feeling that this was a bad idea.

...

The venue was just as loud as he had expected, music blaring from what felt like every direction. Ashley grabbed his hand in her own and pulled him in, quickly finding her friends and introducing him. He laughed when appropriate and smiled his wide alluring smile. He was clever and told jokes and when Ashley pulled him to the dance floor he danced without protest. He despised every moment of it.

He was only half paying attention when it happened. Half his mind was elsewhere, still trying to weigh if keeping his katana was worth all of this mess. It was the sharpness of his date’s voice that brought his attention back to the moment.

"Look, it's crying," She laughed, "I didn't know lower life forms had feelings." He looked to the girl her words were aimed at, tears and mascara already running down her face.

"What, you thought some cheap makeup and a store-bought dress could change the fact that you don't belong here? You're not Cinderella." His date and her friends laughed and he felt his anger rising.

"What the fuck is your problem," he was standing and the words were falling from his mouth before he could think to stop them. "I knew you were a spoiled brat who thinks that money is a replacement for a personality but I guess I was wrong," he clapped "you're a spoiled brat and an asshole who thinks they can get away with saying anything because mommy and daddy never had had the guts to tell you no." Ashley stared at him in shock before ripping her corsage off.

"This date is over," she stomped away, friends in tow eyeing him.

"Thank God, if I had to listen to another minute of your incessant rambling I was going to jump out of a window," he called back to her.

He looked to the other girl, her shoulders hunched and shaking. He guided her to an exit and watched her sit on the sidewalk before taking a seat on the pavement next to her.

"Thanks," her voice cracked. "I guess that's what I get for attempting to have one glamorous night. I know I'm not blonde and rich like her but does she have to be so obnoxious about it?" She looked down at herself with anger. "Not that all rich people are bad," she added taking a quick glance at him before blushing. He laughed his first genuine laugh of the night.

"No, I think we're all pretty terrible. Myself included." She chuckled and accepted the hankie he handed to her.

"Holy shit I didn't know rich people actually carried these. Is it sanitary?" He laughed again.

"I swear it's clean." He watched her wipe her tears and pull a compact from her bag before groaning at her reflection.

He tried not to stare but allowed himself to look at her, convincing himself that he was just trying to make sure she was okay. Her hair was in tight curls and swung loosely around her shoulders. Brown eyes rimmed with red from crying. Crimson lipstick painted on her full lips slightly smudged. She sat more relaxed, anxiety leaving her position.

"My name is Jenae by the way, and you are?" She offered a hand to him. He shook it, trying and failing to ignore the way his skin tingled at her touch.

"Malcolm. I'm Malcolm."

…

They sat on the curb for over an hour talking. He explained to her how he got roped into the whole situation ("that's the stupidest fucking thing I've heard. God, boys are dumb.") and she explained her situation to him. She had been accepted to the school due to an outreach program offered to underprivileged students. She loved the school and extensive science department but loathed the snooty rich kids that filled its halls. She was glad to put it all behind her in a few years.

"Do you wanna get out of here and do something fun? I have a limo?" She raised an eyebrow and he realized how his words could be interpreted." Oh, oh, no. I didn't mean it like that. I meant like Ice cream or something!” she giggled at his stammering and he had another thought, “Although getting into a limo with a guy you just met probably isn’t the best idea either, huh. How about in a cop car?”

…

Gil was there in minutes despite living over a half-hour away. Malcolm would question him later about it but for now, he was just grateful for the man coming without questioning what happened to the limo and why he was now on a date with a completely different girl. He drove them to an ice cream parlor he had regularly taken Malcolm and Ainsley to when they were younger and stayed in the car while Malcolm and Jenae went in.

She teasingly stole his phone and saved her number to it so he could text her later and his heart skipped a beat. Later. She wanted to talk to him and see him on a night other than tonight.

"You'll be a great scientist, I mean you're already thriving amongst a bunch of single-cell organisms." She groaned at his joke before frowning.

"I should probably head home my Abuelita will ground me for life if I get home after midnight." He offered her a hand down from the stool she sat on and nearly tripped over his own feet when he realized that instead of letting go she had wound her fingers between his.

…

The drive to drop her off went faster then he wanted it to last, which was forever. His hand was sweaty and he was sure she noticed but he refused to be the first to let go.

"Do you have any plans next weekend," she asked, "there's this art show I was thinking of checking out."

"Yes!" He cleared his throat and glared at Gil who was chuckling in the front seat. "I mean yeah, that'd be cool. Just text me the details."

The pulled up in front of her apartment building he held the car door open for her. He watched her make her way up the stairs to the door before closing his eyes, leaning against the car and unabashedly grinning to himself.

"Hey, Malcolm?" He opened his eyes to find her standing closer than he expected and before he could reply she leaned toward him and softly kissed his cheek. She turned away from him and ran up the stairs and through the front door. He slid his way into the passenger's seat where he could feel Gil's eyes on him. He covered his blushing face with his hands.

"It looks like you had a good time."

"Shut up Gil," the older man snorted, started the car and drove into the night. "Do you think it's too soon to text her?"

#prodigal son fic #prodigal son fanfic #teen malcolm bright #Jessica Whitly #Ainsley Whitly #some other random people #tw bullying #malcolm bright x oc #malcolm goes to a dance and has a surprisingly good time #my brain is blanking out on tags right now y'all I'll update this later #gil arroyo #how could I forget Gil #sometimes i write things

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ralfstrashcan · 6 years ago

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3x18 Reaction / Commentary

Anxious feeling of imminent doom in my gut? Check. Skipping breakfast in favor of running to my laptop like a starving person? Check. Chances of surviving this episode with my sanity intact? Uhhh.... Well here goes nothing.

But one more thing before we get started (Does anyone wanna get out? Yeah, me!!!! Okay sorry.)

Who's this mysterious “Alex” person?? A new player on the board???

Alright alright, I'm stalling, I know. It's weird, last week couldn't pass quick enough but now I really don't wanna click the play button... okay anyway you're probably not here to read my angsting, so. Deep breath and here goes.

In terms of putting my nerves at ease this is working out pretty good. I love Becky, okay, and her sibling ship with Simon and the Sneak Peek made me real happy and I can't wait to see more of those two together (especially considering this'll probably be her last appearance on the show). So, yeah Team Lewis! (Also that comment about them and Clary never missing a Halloween together? I need all the kid fics!!!)

Lol dude I mean you literally died for knowing about it, but sure, make an understatement XD Also, “all the way from Florida”??? Last thing I knew about her she was lying in a hospital bed a week ago (aka 3A)? When did she get released? And relocated? I missed that???

:D :D :D <3<3<3

Queen Izzy :))))))) btw those kids had seriously lacking survival skills if you ask me. That wasn't normal, right? And where were their supervisors??

Effing f-i-n-a-l-l-y.

Also, Magnus with the deflecting again as soon as he's recovered just the tiniest bit is both painfully ic and also just painful </3

Ugh, can you believe Clace entered the Malec scene even though they must have felt it was a bad time and deranged it with their flirting? Unfair. In any case I agree, Clary was always and will always be an idiot XD haha okay sorry, I don't really mean that (only like, 83%) it's just the setup was too good to pass it up ;) I mean even Alec laughed at Jace calling her an idiot so I'm well within my rights to do it, too XD

Thanks, Alec, for sabotaging the one shot at open communication you had. I mean, I want to believe he does it because he realizes Magnus is back to his deflecting self and prodding will get him nowhere, but uhm, could he try for longer than three seconds before giving up? Is he really gonna let Magnus off the hook so easily and do something stupid and reckless instead?? *sigh* BUT ALSO HIS FRAKKING FACE OKAY I CAN'T

“Back from the Plot Fold”

Alec “Tact” Lightwood looooool

“Bitch I worked on this performance for centuries how dare you”

SO. MANY. QUESTIONS.

sdfshfsjdkfjsdf I love the way he talks okay. Exquisite. (Also he has a birthmark on his lip. It's really distracting. Am I implying Asmodeus is hot? Maybe. You can't prove a thing.)

............................................................your self-confident didn't make any progress since season 1, did it, Alec? *sigh* I mean he's basically agreeing with Asmodeus that this is what will happen if their situation doesn't change.

Okay what is structure, let me just yell my impressions of this scene at you. 1) Both of their acting is stellar. Love all the little body language cues, especially Asmodeus's mocking facial expressions. 2) “Return what you stole” and Asmodeus protesting it because clearly he had a ��fair deal” with Magnus. 3) Alec breaking eye contact whenever Asmodeus lands a hit (“One he already regrets.” “You make him vulnerable, weak.”) 4) The fact that Alec protests the potential-line with “We love each other.” I was confused at first but when you think about it Alec says that they help each other access their full potential by loving each other and that's a beautiful sentiment. 5) Of course then Asmodeus lands another hit with “Then I'm afraid you will be the death of him” and Alec is back to looking away.

Thank you, Alec, for not being a total idiot.

“...or else the deal is off.” Obviously. Thank you, Asmodeus, for not being a total idiot either.

.........did he just nod? I knew I was right making that 'total' italic, implying he's still somewhat of an idiot XD

sooooo pretttyyyyyyyyyyyyy

And I can't believed Clary missed Luke so much she visited him in prison a total of 0 times.

Look I'm weak and I dig the Jace-Luke-father-son-in-law-dynamic.

Also can we take a moment to appreciate the fact that Alec is able to function as Head of the Institue even though he has to make the hardest decision of his life at the same time?? Just saying. Guy knows how to handle his shadowhunter responsibility. If only he was as capable in handling other things and omg this is not an innuendo you naughty people, I meant emotional intelligence goddammit.

I mean, he's not wrong? The way he cares about her is uniquely twisted, so.

.........................is Alec having 2x12 flashbacks? Because I sure am.

Hmmmm always admiring Clary's screaming skills :)

*sigh* I mean she didn't just SAY intense pain for a short while? Why am I even bothering.

The scientist has spoken lol.

1) They had a whole underground basement full of tons and tons of that serum, right? If those are all made up of nanoparticles then I really really wonder how big the Glorious splitter was that they extracted the serum from. Since, you know, that whole stash was supposed to be enough for the Downworlders all over the world. Wtf 2) I guess “self-destructing” that basement is gonna come back to roost them and they need to recover the original sword to eliminate the Evil Rune, right???? haha

Asmodeus wrote: Hurry up pretty boy, our deal isn't on the table forever ;)

I'm actually impressed Jace remembered to ask Alec about the proposal. You get some more diligence starlets, Jace <3

OMG ALEC ARE YOU SHITTING ME ARE YOU SHITTING ME ARE YOU SHITTING ME *sigh* I mean, those two situations are obviously totally comparable, right? I for my part am, again, having severe 2x12 flashbacks, where Alec asked Jace's council about something that Jace totally wasn't equipped to answer. *SIGH*

And I guess Jace isn't suspicious because of Alec's super suspicious behavior, right?????? Ugh.

The sad part is, Alec will probably see that as confirmation that he should go through with it because he doesn't want to be selfish. So while yay, Alec seeking council, he does it in the worst way possible :( at least I got some parabatai feels out of it :/

On the one hand I'm glad she sees it that way* on the other hand this is clearly supposed to be the influence of the rune, so that's kinda undermining her statement and making it even less credible. Thanks, show.

*Yes he was a victim, no he still carries some responsibility for his actions because free will is a thing and he's had some time on earth where he wasn't exactly coerced by anyone. Manipulated, yes. But he's aware of his agency and he should have used it better. I get that I'm asking for a lot here, maybe too much, and circumstances were always against him, but I'm also not absolving him of all his crimes.

Magnus deflecting because that's what he does. God forbid a scene that could be about him actually ends up being about him instead of a side pairing I couldn't care less about. *sigh*

Also, I'm not exactly sure if Magnus really thinks Alec thought being around Maryse could help him, or if he just said that as another means to deflect because honestly, the way Alec suggested to Magnus he go to Maryse was more the here-go-see-your-babysitter-approach than anything else, especially because he basically cut of the conversation they where having before Clace interrupted. *SIGH*

WELL I COULD

YOU NO FRIKKIN SAY, MARYSE

“My lips are sealed.... especially about my issues ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

THE DISDAIN AHAHHAHAHA CATCH ME WHEEZING ON THE GROUND

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SEELIE QUEEN IS QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is this.... actually......... a scene with Alec and Izzy???? HELL YEAH

Okay, words. First off, I LOVE that Alec spills all the beans, and to Izzy, the one emotionally capable Lightwood. I mean, yay Jalec and all, but it's an universally acknowledged truth that Lightwood Men seem to be pretty unable to handle their emotions in a productive way.

Second off, the music playing in the background? Is the one from the Malec Breakup Scene from 2x18. Yay mood reference, I mean. Thanks for that lovely detail, show. (Hahahaha I don't even know if I'm sarcastic or not because it's so witty but on the other hand it's just cruelly twisting the knife like r u for real man give me a damn break.)

Third off, I love basically every line of this dialogue. The fact that Alec (or anyone really) FINALLY acknowledges that Magnus gave up his powers and saved Jace for Alec. Alec's argument: “Magnus sacrificed everything so I could feel whole and now I have the chance to do the same for him.” Also that wording, “a chance”? Not an obligation, not a repayment of a dept. A chance. Because he loves Magnus and this is his chance to fix it. (In his eyes at least, pssssh.)

And Izzy's intent “He wouldn't want this. He loves you so much.” So valid. And less biased (aka skewed by shitty self-esteem) than Alec's assessment of the situation.

Also this

Ouch, just. Ouch. So ic.

Also this

Izzy asking all the right questions. The way Alec looks away means “No” and the determined way he meets her gaze again after means “But that doesn't matter.” Very good scene.

(Honestly the only thing I would have wished for is that Izzy is a little more firm in her assertion that Magnus wouldn't want this and she like, tries to change Alec's mind instead of just accepting his decision.)

hehehe :)

The same time you moved to Florida apparently.

hahaahahha <3<3<3 kick-ass sister material

.........<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 this deserves so much recognition okay. Since we all know drinking away his problems is Magnus's No 1 coping mechanism. Too bad he'll be pushed into his liquor again by Alec unwisely breaking up with him at the end of the episode (because I daren't dream of a change of heart on Alec's side.)

Also is this the part where Maryse blabs out Alec's proposal plans??

Ugh yay, so after Maryse reassuring Magnus that they are all here for him I guess the breakup is just gonna get 5 shades uglier. Yaaay.

Love that necklace damn.

Obligatory Sizzy moment in front of Becky so she can call Simon out on it later: Check. Just glad this role doesn't fall to Raphael. (Also you bet your ass I chose Becky's line as a picture for this because I'm really that petty.)

Also omg, I just peeked into the German dubbing because obviously the Count von Count pun doesn't work because the words for Count and the word for counting aren't the same here and the guy is named Graf Zahl. And just skdjfslkdjfklsdjfkld Simon's line “That does sound really made up” is honest to God transated with “You're right, I just made him up” like oh my God who is in charge of translating this and why are they so incompetent honestly!!!!!!!! W H Y

Lol that's gotta be the first time in his life that he called her Isabelle. Probably because she was slacking off during patrol.

AAAAAND I'M WHEEZING AGAIN AHAHHA HER OFFENDED FACE Honestly the seelie queen and Becky should start a comedy spin-off, I'd be watching the shit out of that XD

HAHAHAHAH HAVE MERCY XD XD XD Then again, can you blame Simon? Izzy is sooooo droolworthy.

1) She's gonna let Alec, Jace and Clary (two and a half shadowhunters ahaha) take on a whole nest of demons alone? Instead of backing them up? Okay???

2) Why they telling them that??? As far as they are concerned Simon and Becky are civilians, not their parents.

?????? NO SHE SHOULD TAKE BECKY WITH HER!!!!!!!! CAN YOU IMAGINE BECKY TOURING THE INSTITUTE? BECKY MARVELING AT ALL THE UNREALISTIC SHADOWHUNTER TECH?? BECKY KIDDING AROUND IN THE LAB??? I WAS ROBBED!!!

:)))) even Jace breaking out the comedy :D :D :D I approve

Those are some nice wings. Not perfect, but very very nice.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME HAHAHAHAHAHAH

Okay, Parabatai Fight Scene!!! 1) Jace again with his axes, nice.

2) Being sassy instead of, idk, picking up his weapons: Check.

3) True dat, but uh, Jace, what was the plan if Alec hadn't shown up? Inviting Drevak Queen out on a date?

4) I mean, why shoot one when you can shoot five, right? Good motto. But I still kind of want an explanation how two of those arrows could land in the Drevak Queen's head and the other three in her chest, like, what are physics anyway amiright?

5) Shot meant to make Jace look heroic when really, since we earlier learnt that killing the Drevak Queen kills all her spawn*, this was just Alec doing Jace's work for him XD

*Uh, yeah what the hell is up with that. Chitauri Genetic Defect or something? *sigh*

*Feelings of terrible foreboding intensify*

sssssssssssssssssssssssudden

Look, I agree. I just don't think Maia could really comprehend / accept that so fast (and off-screen) because ugh reasons, too tired to repeat myself again *waves hand unhelpfully* but whatever, I can accept this. I made my peace with it.

1) Last time I checked those cells were secured with a combination lock thingy.

2) Thanks Lanaia for sabotaging Sizzy, I'll be sure to send you a gift basket (or, if what I think will happen happens, some flowers for your grave lol).

*snorts* Reminds me of Hannibal who was always making cannibal puns at people and no one noticed XD Also, her knocking Jace out was really dumb? I mean, he wouldn't have stopped her from saving Jonathan because, uh, that's saving her own neck, too. And if she'd portaled them both to the cell she could have disposed of him there way easier, locking him up – since apparently she didn't plan to kill him, and that nice straightjacket would have kept him from alerting the other Shadowhunters way longer than that pipe over the head. So, wholly unnecessary. I mean, in a way it's nice to know that Demonic Clary isn't smarter than Regular Clary.

Dude she's literally wielding a spear, how dumb are you.

Aaaaaand there goes my order to the nearest funeral wreath shop XD

Look I have questions (which, okay, I should have asked sooner but what even is continuity right). When that weird gratifying wing dream sequence started I thought it was Clary tapping into the rune connection and it was the real Jonathan communicating with her. When Jace entered the play field it was clear at least some part must be fake because Jace sure as heck wasn't unconscious / in trance at the time and later didn't give any indication that he participated in some creepy contest for Clary's affections. But now Jonathan is surprised by this, too? He, too, was a product of Clary's imagination? I have so many questions, first of all, why the wings? And the really cheap back-white-symbolism? Also, why did Clary feel so drawn to Jonathan if this was all in her own mind? Was it the influence of the Evil Rune? Does the Evil Rune have a user interface that's shaped to look like Jonathan? Does that mean Jonathan has a Clary-shaped interface??? I need answers.

Ugh. Let's make this long and painful, shall we.

OF COURSE IN THE ONE SCENE WHERE SHIT WILL GO DOWN THEY DON'T FAIL AT CASUAL INTIMACY THANK YOU FOR N O T H I N G

Let's not talk about the fact that the thought, Alec could mean anything but a break together from everything that's been going on, doesn't even cross Magnus's mind because no. Noooooo. I'd rather talk about how absolutey awesome both of their acting is. For Alec I really like the way he moves his eyes, like the gaze darting around alternating with the rigid stare. For Magnus, uh, everything, just like, his whole face is perfection?? Yeah, that works.

The way he interrupts because he just needs to get this over with as quickly as possible.

Dammit, he does this eyelid dip here, it's not a blink, it's just his eyelids twitching down for a second because this is like a slap in the face. And then he turns and takes a step away because his instinct is to run from this because what is this, this can't be

“Is this about last night? Because I'm going to quit drinking.”

Magnus “forever apologizing for being an 'inconvenience'” Bane, final installment.

Dammit, his face. And again with the deflecting, trivializing his feelings, anything to keep this conversation from going where he thinks it's going.

*EYE ROLL* Sorry but you don't get to play that card after being effin obtuse for 7 episodes, Alec. Nope. Nope.

Magnus, his usual walls rudely ripped away. He has no chance but to admit how shitty he's feeling. And if it wasn't for the circumstances I'd say “yay, finally some communication” but well.

“Fine. I'm in pain,” he says, and Alec turns away, breaking eye contact for a moment because the final confirmation is too much for him for a moment.

I love that Magnus doesn't deliver this line meekly. He's worked up, sure, but there's also a confidence when talking about their relationship. Breaking up is an unrealistic concept to him in that moment because it's so absurd. It's not fixing anything so why would it happen? Makes no sense. *insert weeping sounds*

Brutal and efficient. Very ic.

Damn how does even his blink convey so much vulnerability??? (Somewhere Lexa is nodding approvingly.) (Also why didn't I find gif sets of this :c)

“You said there's nothing I can do to make it better.”

There's an audible difference in his voice, because this part is true and he's not lying. The controlled monotone isn't there anymore. This is his real despair in the face of not being able to do anything to help Magnus.

“It's not your job to make it better.”

Again, if this was a constructive conversation it would be a great step in the right direction. But sadly it isn't, and so this is too little too late.

“Well, what am I supposed to do? Just stand by and watch you suffer for the rest of our lives?”

Alec is still speaking the truth, and this is his motivation to go through with it. Because a) he believes what Magnus said about never being happy again without his magic (sidenote, he didn't, in fact, say that, he said it might never pass (meaning being affected by the magic loss) and he's not happy at the moment, which isn't the same as he'll definitely surely never be happy again without his magic, but whatever) and b) he's sure he doesn't mean all that much to Magnus. He's his current love, but that's about it. Nothing special, not worth leaving such devastating traces in Magnus's life and he certainly doesn't mean as much to Magnus as Magnus means to him. And especially from that second part stems his gravely false assessment of the situation which in the course of consideration leads him to the conclusion that breaking Magnus's heart will hurt less in the long run than him not having his magic. There's also the fact that be probably didn't think about how him doing this to Magnus will confirm every last insecurity Magnus ever had about not being lovable, because I can't believe he would have gone through with this if he'd thought of that. Or at least, he would have been visibly more torn about it, maybe even talked out of it by Izzy, etc. But it's ic for Alec not to think like that, because in a way I guess he loves Magnus too much to really understand that Magnus has these doubts. And Magnus mostly playing his vulnerabilities close to his chest isn't working in his favor here either.

“This isn't you. You're not this selfish.”

This is what I mean. If Alec was less convinced that he's doing the right thing this line might have shaken him out of it. Honestly, I half hoped he'd object this, consequentally incriminate himself and Magnus would catch on that something was going on. But ofc that didn't happen.

The spark line, just. Ouch. Again, very clinical and minimalistc. The way Alec stares, his voice back to being monotone, the way he clenches his jaw. And then his work here is done and he's ready to leave.

It only gets worse from there. Magnus, frozen in disbelieve because this can't possibly be true, and then he starts begging and it breaks my heart every single time okay. To see him reduced to this desperation is just cruel.

I still can't help but note the way Alec readily turns around before Magnus has competely turned around himself. I think he was on the brink of giving in.

The way Magnus holds on to him, hands fluttering over his arms, shoulders, cheeks. The way Alec can't even look at him for the barest second, eyes closed, breath going heavy. Magnus's everything. Just kill me now.

And let's not talk about their kisses and Magnus's whispered words because no. There's nothing to say to that except perfection. Intense, top notch emotion portrayal on both parts.

Then Alec pulls away (how???? gotta admire commitment and an iron will when you see it but boy is it misplaced) and Magnus's hands tremble because this can't be happening, this can't possibly be real.

Note that Alec doesn't look him in the eyes once because he knows if he did, it'd all be over. Also note the look of utter betrayal on Magnus's face. It's not just hurt and heartbreak, it's betrayal because this is what this is. Alec promised him something, made him believe that he could trust in him, in them, and now he's going back on his word.

Well, this was fun, let's never do it again.

Look, I don't have the nerve for this anymore, so I'll keep it short and in no particular order: - Asmodeus is ass powerful and manages to distance-summon himself, yay, nice to know that the one time a shadowhunter doesn't act stupid and impulsive it still doesn't pay off. - Asmodeus killing pissed off warlock lady was both obvious and unnecessary. - His smile is creepy. - “My son needs me.” MY ASS - He still needs to support himself on the back of the chair because he's a weak bitch hahaha.

Conclusion: *sounds of despair*

I just watched the 3x19 promo and.... they're really gonna end Malec on a train wreck this season, aren't they?? Oh God. They hoped they'd have a forth season to work through it and that's why they served themselves with issues and second helpings of extra issues, and since s4 isn't a thing we're gonna get an unsatisfying as hell 2x20-style resolution in the finale. God please say I'm wrong but like. Arrgghhhh.

(Also, credit where credit is due: “Before we get started, does anyone wanna get out?” is the line from Captain America in TWS before the elevator fight.)

#shadowhunters #3x18 #alec lightwood #jace wayland #magnus bane #clary fray #jonathan morgenstern #isabelle lightwood #simon lewis #becky lewis #the seelie queen #meliorn #kyle #maia roberts #luke garroway #asmodeus #pissed warlock lady #malec #reaction

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calleo-bricriu · 5 years ago

Text

Guess what I’m still reading? Still reading out of spite but, still reading?

That awful book.

Right, let's get back to the worst book I've ever read and, to note, I am including every single malicious, aggressive, definitely is trying to kill you it's not your imagination Dark Arts book I have ever handled in my entire life, just so we're clear about how bad this story is.

Chapter 5 opens with Leigh, the clear projection of the doctor-author himself, waking up in a room he doesn't recognise and not thinking anything about that is weird, instead writing it off as to it being his "inherent love for the sea" guiding him there.

He then talks for most of the rest of the page about how he has no idea how long he's been there and maybe it was his 'second personality' that was in control which is the first mention we see of that ever having been an issue from him--unless that's just his way of saying, "Must've gone on a bender again."

Tries for awhile to figure out what day it is, apparently gives up, and decides to re-focus on winning...something...from his sister and that doing that would save his son who, as far as we know (as he's only been briefly mentioned), is perfectly fine and not in need of any sort of saving.

Several paragraphs of rambling about how sane and calm he is to the point that he’s sort of proven he’s neither.

Buys a newspaper, finds out he's been blackout drunk for ten solid days, finds out from some random guy on the hotel porch that he bought a yacht.

At this point, I'll remind you that previous chapters indicate he hasn't held a steady job in over a year (mostly due to being drunk and crying to the barman that he's such a misunderstood genius), is always weeks behind on bills, and hasn't paid rent in a few months but somehow dredged up money to buy a yacht while on a bender.

Isn't bothered by this, doesn't think it's indicative of a drinking problem and also it's not his fault because the yacht seller should have known he was drunk and not sold it to him or something.

This is, like, four entire pages in to chapter five and I'm already so tired.

The Department of Magical Law Enforcement could read this book aloud in interrogations but even the Ministry might consider it torture.

Oh, Leigh’s problem isn't drinking, by the way; it's "psychic epilepsy" so it's definitely not his fault.

That's--not actually a real thing.

Anyway.

Dozen or so pages of him internally trying to figure out how the hell to get out of this, "I bought a yacht with money I have no idea how I got and possibly got by doing something very illegal" situation.

His wife is also apparently not bothered by this behaviour either, she's just happy to see him; I'd be the opposite because this has been shown to be a pattern of behaviour on his part but, well, she buys the "psychic epilepsy" excuse because she's terrified of being seen as a nag.

Nag him, good lord, do something that isn't completely enabling him to be this way.

Now the narrative is going on and on and on about "unreasonable women" who would pretty reasonably be upset if their husband couldn't hold a job, wouldn't even try to get one, wouldn't let her get one, couldn't pay the bills, and routinely did things like tell her he'd be home in a few hours then go on a 3-10 day bender and show back up without a word.

That's a reasonable set of behaviours to be at least a little annoyed about.

Leads into how it's hereditary, this psychic epilepsy thing, so absolutely not his fault.

He's a regularly paid published author now, by the way, and has been for some time despite this being the first time it's ever been mentioned in any capacity. The only two other careers we've seen from this guy are something to do with working in a laboratory in Germany and working at a hospital as a doctor before being almost immediately fired for a combination of the constant drinking and possibly just being sort of insufferable to be around at work.

Some guy named Rob walks in. No introductions apart from that, we're all just meant to know who the hell Rob is despite this being his first appearance.

Some guy named Charlie/Dr. Bell is also just randomly mentioned and is also in...the house sleeping. People think he's lazy but he's really just conservative, whatever that means.

Find out Mizpra was engaged to some guy named Moore who dumped her to go to Yale, which is evidently why she turned into a "masculine" bitch. Sure, why not?

Philosophy attempts again from Leigh the Misunderstood Genius (who definitely does not have a drinking problem and knows more than you about everything): "Love, Charlie, is like medical treatment; if it is free, given lavishly and procured without sacrifice, it is thrown aside at pleasure, and the giver ridiculed and derided. Haud expertus loquor."

Okay, first of all, that's not what love OR medical treatment is like. Not even--remotely, especially medical treatment.

Second, stop trying to sound smart with the Latin; all you said was "not experience" there, Mr. Genius who is definitely not a direct projection of the quack doctor of an author.

Leigh used to pay stenographers to go to class for him and take notes so he could go and give theatrical performances to "insane patients". Lovely guy.

Just to remind you, we’re meant to be sympathising with Leigh in this story, not wanting to strangle him every time he opens his mouth to bore everyone for ten pages.

Leigh refuses a drink while they're all at dinner which is one of the few good choices he's made in 81 pages and a little over a year in terms of the story's time line but then ruins it all for answering a joke about it being because he's married with PAGES AND PAGES of him trying to be a fucking philosopher again and just boring the bollocks off of everyone both in the book and reading it. How the hell does this guy know what delirium tremens are yet still thinks his entire problem is caused by psychic epilepsy and not alcoholism?

Charlie asks about money for some reason, probably trying to change the topic and get this moron to stop pretending he knows what he's talking about in any capacity.

That triggers three pages of him doing the same thing, only about money this time. At least in this case, it's mentioned that Leigh "got carried away" so there's a glimmer of self awareness. Probably the only one we'll ever see.

They agree to play golf tomorrow and Leigh and Obera just--get up and leave, despite dinner having not even been delivered to the table yet. Nobody seems to notice.

Chapter 5 is now over.

Chapter 6 time skips an entire year and starts with Mrs. Newcomber and Mizpra sitting outside and it's mentioned it's been a year since Leigh tried to see her so--about a year passed between chapters five and six.

Mother dearest is described as a "pliant tool" that Mizpra somehow convinced to go to Colorado Springs to open up a school, and that's where we are now.

Colorado.

Mizpra gets to pick the ladies who get to go to the school and just seems to do so on a whim, which has made her and it wildly unpopular; fair reaction, no explanation given as to why she acts like that just that she did it "without giving any satisfactory reason."

Colorado has lots of "clever physicians" (but not enough, probably because Leigh isn't there. Yet.) but Colorado is populated by people who just hate doctors. Despite that, they keep moving there.

Then, it skips to Mizpra reading mail and one letter, "announced the marriage of the plastic Zora to an untutored, scheming Yankee lawyer."

Okay.

First question: Who the HELL is Zora?

Second question: This isn't really a question, I'm just reasonably certain that lawyers, even lawyers in 1901, had to have some level of formal schooling. Then again, so did doctors and here we are with this guy who apparently just slept through every single year of med school he went to.

Someone named Marcia wrote as well and Mizpra doesn't like her either because she "insisted on standing for her rights" and was married to an "unknown quantity." No idea who Marcia is or how she knows Mizpra, it's not been explained yet but has been introduced in a way we’re supposed to know already.

Dr. Bell we finally fucking find out was a friend of her father's and that's why he knows both her and Leigh.

Could have explained that back in chapter five when the character was introduced but, hey, I'm no doctor, what do I know about constructing a coherent story?

Dr. Bell wrote to yell at Mizpra about her being mean to Leigh and his son. Not to Obera, to whom she has been directly mean multiple times so far, just to Leigh and his still unnamed son. The kid's like two years old now and we still haven't been told his name he's that irrelevant to the plot.

Somehow this trips her to decide she needs to just completely ruin Leigh's life because he's an obstacle to her 'designs and ambition' but it's never been explained what those are. It also doesn't explain what she's planning to do just that "she must place him in such a position as to make him helpless in his struggle for his rights. With these thoughts, horrible, fiendish, partly laid schemes arose".

They are never explained.

Maybe she's going to open another school that's just for boys and purposely and repeatedly deny his 2 year old son entrance, I have no idea at this point.

While she's distracted coming up with vague plans, her mother interrupts and says what amounts to, "I'm blind but even I can see you're an old maid."

Harsh.

Her response is to go on about how disgusting marriage is and "what poor, weak, helpless creatures women are! Such a degrading, vile, humiliating acceptance of the loss of personal freedom."

...okay. I guess that's one way of telling your mum to fuck off and that it's not that you CAN'T get married it's that you don't WANT to.

She calls some woman named Jane in to ask her if she...washed the horse yet.

The reply is "yes, mum" which is evidently how Jane pronounces ma'am. She tells Mizpra that she'd be better off hiring a man because mares respond better to men which is not at all how horses work.

Then, we have this exchange:

"No, Jane; what a man can do a woman can do better."

"You do be joking, Miss. How about the babies?"

"There are two many of them now. You should be a woman, Jane."

I was following Mizpra there up until the, "You should be a woman, Jane" bit when Jane has already been described as a woman several times in two paragraphs.

Jane tells her she is a woman and wants to get married and start a family some day, which makes Mizpra angry and somehow the author seems like this is a good time to mention her muscular frame because--that's not a thing women are allowed to have, and to emphasise that Mizpra is not a ‘good woman’, we just occasionally remind everyone how masculine she is.

I know we're meant to dislike Mizpra but, at this point, she's the most sympathetic character here, having to put up with all this nonsense and having the only reasons we're told she's 'bad' is because she has all these masculine traits (from previous chapters, broad shoulders, a deep voice, a square jaw, an 'unwomanly' figure, narrow hips, the author stopped just short of saying, "Yeah, she's basically a man in a dress that tells everyone she's my sister.")

This is page 88 of 403.

Anyway, Mizpra storms off because Jane's, "I want to get married some day" got her that mad, sits down at her desk, and starts reading which is also framed as a bad thing because Good Women don't use their brains for that, what's the matter with you?

Starts talking to herself about how her mom called her an old maid which, I mean, if she's single, not married, and implied to be over 40 that's--sort of what old maid meant. She says, to nobody in particular because she’s the only one in the room, "Well, I think I can show my sisters that I can throw off that appellation and still rule man!"

Now she needs a secretary and a lawyer to always be with her 24/7 and we finally find out that Zora and Marcia are her sisters.

That could have been mentioned much earlier in the story.

What is up with the naming conventions in this family anyway? Every other sibling gets a normal name and the others get names like Zora and Mizpra?

So, what we know now is that Mizpra:

A) Thinks her sister Zora is dumb as hell.

B) Thinks Marcia is whoring around and the way it's written comes off as envious not, "How shameful!" Nothing is stopping you from doing it too, Mizpra.

C) Thinks Leigh is a "clever fool" with a "spewing brat" and a "little, weak, dependent" all of which are entirely fair.

She goes off to arrange visiting Leigh, hoping the trip back East screws with their mother's health enough that she'll gain full power of attorney which is part of whatever evil devious plot she's got going.

Gets up to go to the mirror and get dressed, laments that she "had lost all youthful appearance of womanhood, though still young in years" gets mad at her reflection and throws everything on the vanity at the mirror then goes with, "No, I'll use my intellect, my power over him, not the feminine baubles of Eve."

Over who? Your brother? Please tell me you weren’t considering trying to be sexy for your brother.

She is then described as "short of hair and short of sex" on account simply because her hair is short. Again, the whole, "Hey, hey, have there been enough clues given to tell you that she's just straight up ugly like a man in a dress??" thing.

Even with the, "Hopefully this trip basically almost kills my mother so I can take all of her stuff and cut my brother out of the will" thing she's still the most sympathetic character so far.

Mrs. Newcomber's only real skill aside from being blind and insulting one of her daughters is droning on and on and on about the religious of ancient Egypt.

Then it goes into something that's--nice, actually, though probably wasn't considered a good thing at the time--about how more women should focus on getting an education so they're not stuck being a housewife if that's not what they want to do but, since it's 1901 that's not a thing and it wraps up with how they only think that because "neither knew they the emotions dormant in a woman's breast."

Which are, apparently, to be an uneducated housewife and mother because that’s what the men like.

We’ll just forget the fact that Mrs. Newcomber was married and has had at least four children that have made it to adulthood. That’s not important now. The important thing is she’s being an icky teacher and learning things now. How fucking unladylike.

Mizpra then goes outside, says hello to someone, like that's it, "Hello, Burke!" and it's framed as a "clumsy attempt at coquetry". What? She--she literally just said hello to someone she knew! That's not how flirting works.

Burke, who is a pale, sickly young man, had evidently told her however long ago the other day was that he loved her and he thought she was mad at him about that.

She tells him she's not mad and explains she was in Denver and his response is to ask her why she's playing with him, she says she's not, he tells her she's being cruel (somehow? maybe because she keeps calling him a silly boy, which is, frankly, rude as hell), and we find out that Burke--as if the name and physical description weren't enough to indicate this--is kind of a social outcast because he's awkward and weird and more than a little bit dim.

But, he overheard some gossip about her and now she's literally shaking him down to make him tell her. Basically, The Men Folk don't like her ideas about women having an education, the public hates it too, and if it were the Middle Ages they'd just burn her at the stake.

Again, Mizpra comes off as the most sympathetic character in the story so far.

Oh, and she apparently doesn't like corsets and made some doctor's daughter, who is a student at her school, remove it at the front of the classroom then kept her standing there while showing all of the other girls the creases a corset puts into the skin which is admittedly entirely inappropriate for a dress code violation.

That's not the problem though, the problem is that Mizpra’s hands were "so cold and rough" that she fainted, and the implied manly hands and fainting are the part everyone is upset about.

Her reasoning for it was that the doctor's daughter, "is suffering from the feminine folly of imitating the male sex in all animal life on the globe--that is, the garnishing of the body to attract the opposite sex."

Again, not how that works; in most species, it's the male that gets all flashy and showy to attract a much drabber female's attention. I do sometimes listen to Lazarus ( @pocketsfullofspiders ) when he's talking about his work.

At the end of all that Burke...asks Mizpra to marry him at specifically 8pm that evening? What?

Okay.

Her response is to ask him if he knows how to use a typewriter. I actually kind of like her at this point, apart from the whole half undressing a teenager in front of the entire class thing.

Anyway, she agrees, because he knows how to use a typewriter so I think she just hired him as her secretary and he agreed to it because I guess his payment is getting to marry her at 8 that evening.

She leaves to go do the getting a marriage license thing and just talks to herself the whole way about how gross Burke is and, ew, he kissed her chin because she didn't get out of the way fast enough, what a fucking creep.

That's going to be a great marriage.

She chose her dressmaker based on the fact that that particular dressmaker's shop offers free cocktails to customers. Fair enough if you're getting fitted for a wedding dress to get married to someone you can't stand.

The reverend that's going to marry them is someone she's got under her thumb; she basically paid to clean up his reputation because he'd ruined it due to just sort of being a drunk, kind of like her brother. Takes him outside and first says she needs to ruin her brother's life.

With alcohol. "[...] and any other scheme you can concoct."

Leigh's weaknesses are, of course, alcohol and evidently women.

She'll pay him a salary to do this and also essentially said if he spends i ton gambling she'll track him down and break every bone in his body.

I'm still not really disliking her.

She then calls him a wind bag and a hypocrite, which he takes as a set of compliments.

He's also mad she's getting married but corrects himself and says it's a miracle; she tells him it's to Burke Wood, and gets, "He can't live six months; and married he won't live six weeks."

HAHAHA! Wives are terrible, am I right?

Her response to that is he definitely will because she's going to take good care of him and 'treat him humanely' which I feel like is the bare minimum required for a marriage, treating someone humanely.

His take on that is, "She is a eunuch in heart and mind! She possesses the soul of a sewer."

And Mizpra becomes an even more sympathetic character.

Some family she knows passed by in a carriage didn't see her so didn't wave to her and now she's also spitefully planning to ruin their lives over being blanked. Settle down, Mizpra.

Goes home, tells mom she thinks they should go see Leigh, mom rightfully points out that Mizpra has spent like two entire years repeatedly explaining why they shouldn't ever do that for any reason and that turns into a debate that the mother eventually loses and is convinced to sign over power of attorney to Mizpra.

She then explains she's getting married that evening then going to Denver the next day and her mother's only concerns about this are of her not--"taking care of Burke on your wedding night". Good priorities.

For some reason she goes off on how she has a fucking job and isn't getting married to turn herself into "a mere setting hen, a female destitute of all ideas save one--that of breeding" which is somehow shocking to her mother.

Mizpra isn't even going to tell Burke she's headed to Denver tomorrow morning until after they're married so he can't back out.

This honestly sounds like a lot of Pureblood marriages now.

Later on we find out that Burke has inexplicably been asking Mizpra to marry him for "some time" now so he's really bad at taking the hint.

So, those two are married now and he has no problems with her going to Denver on business and I'm not sure why the last half of the chapter was spent making it seem like that would be a Big Issue when his response was, more or less, "That's cool, I know how work is."

That's the end of chapter six and this is just so stupidly exhausting that I'm not even going to try to start chapter seven tonight.

Up to page 103 of 403 though!

#terrible literature #books #hp rp #spite reading #I wonder if anyone would notice if I borrowed a Time Turner from the department #and used it to go back to 1918 when this idiot of an author died so I could be his cause of death #and yes I know you're not supposed to use those things to go back more than a couple of hours #but this feels like a valid exception to that #stuffing a fascinating toque down his throat seems like a very specific way to indicate #that that's not how you describe something fascinating #because fascinating can mean damn near anything and is highly subjective #JUST DESCRIBE THE HAT THE WAY YOU SPENT 15 PAGES DESCRIBING HOW GETTING BLACKOUT DRUNK AND BUYING A YACHT ISN'T LEIGH'S FAULT

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overthestars-and-offtoneverland · 5 years ago

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Ignore This Post If You Don’t Want To Deal With Heavy Stuff

This is a personal post and it’s not a fun one. If you’d rather not deal with my stuff, I’d try to scroll past this one.

I’m just really hurt and I need to get this out of my system.

It’s not news that my dad is an abusive piece of shit if you’ve been following me for a while. Truth be told, my mom isn’t that much better. She feeds off of his toxicity that he shows to her and takes out the bullshit of being married to him onto me.

I was a teen pregnancy in the South. Go fucking figure.

And I’ve been abused by them for the last 20+ years. Usually psychological and emotional, but it has gotten physical. As sick as it is, I’m kind of glad they take out most their bullshit on me. That means my brothers get as little of it as possible, but they still aren’t immune when my dad goes on rampages.

One light in my life is my grandmother. My dad’s mom. I don’t know how he ended up this way with a mother like her. Unfortunately the closest thing I’ve had to a real dad, her husband, is no longer with us.

I actually kept a lot of the abuse a secret from them. I don’t know why. Fear? The belief that I deserved it somehow? I don’t know if Max ever really knew how badly my dad was killing me. Part of me wishes he didn’t.

My grandmother has become more aware of the abuse over the last few years because I’ve been more open about it. But I still kept secrets. I never told her that I was diagnosed with PTSD. I never told her how my dad would hunt me down if I tried to run from him, or the time he hit me and then threatened to let me live on the street if I ran away from home again, or the time he ripped my door off it’s hinges because I was trying to hide from him and made me live without a door for 6 months because I “didn’t deserve privacy”, or when he ripped my tv out of the wall and threw it out the window...

And I don’t think I could ever bring myself to tell her about my suicide attempt when I was 12 and how when he found out I tried to kill myself he started screaming at me more. Telling me I was selfish and how I would go to hell. I can’t tell her about any of my other attempts either.

She’s appalled by her son’s behavior. Rightfully so. And she does her best to protect me, but there’s only so much she can do. She’d let me live with her again like I did last summer if she could because she wants me away from him, but my uncle and his sons needed a place to live so there’s no room for me. I’m not angry at that reasoning at all, I swear. She did the right thing and my cousins really needed her. I’m glad she could help them.

Things were already tense at the house because of what happened my graduation day. I used my preferred name when I crossed the stage because I, mistakenly, thought that that one day was about me and I should have been as happy and comfortable as possible. My father disagreed. But my grandmother defended me because I did nothing wrong.

That was the first time my grandmother got a taste of his behavior as an adult directly. She’d dealt with his violence as a teenager, but it was never directed at her before.

Things seemed to have gotten better these past few months. My parents found a use in me.

My little brothers are in their school band and my mother asked me to help them with a fundraiser: a dinner play they wanted to put on. Since I had experience with theater, I knew that putting on a dinner play was going to be more expensive than they anticipated. Paying for the royalties and copyright alone would put them in the red. So, I offered to write one myself. For free.

I spent days learning how to write a play because I’d only done stories and poems before and I spent days writing it until it was good enough to put my name on. It wasn’t Shakespeare, sure, but I was proud of it. And people seemed to like it, so we were getting ready to make it a reality. I would direct it and kids from my brothers’ school would act in it after I held auditions.

I was so excited that something I wrote would be out there for people to enjoy. I was so excited to work with the stage again and help kids find a passion for the theater.

Today we had auditions. Or we were supposed to.

Only four kids showed up. That was less people than there were parts.

But, I gave them a fair audition. And I passed out parts as I could. I even gave a part to girl even though I knew she would be better for a different part, but she was the only one that auditioned for that part and I had no other choice. I gave a part to a kid who couldn’t act worth a damn because I had no one else, so I told her she could have the part and I would work with her to help her get the performance I was looking for.

I was crushed! I was told that so many people were interested in my play and that the drama class would join in because they liked the idea.

But I didn’t take that out on the kids or their auditions. Everyone got a fair shot.

But, my cast wasn’t completed. My mother told me that they would invite other kids and try to fill in the missing parts with more auditions and I agreed because what else could I do?

I made it clear that the cast we had wasn’t the official one and I did not give out scripts to the “cast” to learn there lines because of it.

But then I found out the reason auditions were so bare. The posters advertising the auditions gave out the wrong date! The drama kids were told the wrong day!

The adults in charge, myself included, missed a crucial mistake and kids that were enthusiastic about the auditions missed their chance!

So I made it clear that we would have more auditions on Monday for those who missed out because it wasn’t their fault.

And, since these were supposed to be fair and equal auditions, I told everyone upfront. If there were other students that were better in these roles, the unofficial cast would lose the part they were given.

Because that’s how auditions work. Everyone gets a fair chance and the part goes to the best person for the role.

Apparently, this makes me selfish and power-hungry.

My mother went on a tirade about how I should give special treatment and show favoritism to the students that showed up on the right day, despite the fact the the other students missed out because we messed up.

I told her no because the other students needed fair auditions.

She told me I wasn’t allowed to do my play if I was “going to hurt people’s feelings.” As if the children were toddlers that didn’t understand what auditions were. She claimed that me rejecting students would cause some sort of uprising.

I stood my ground. Everyone gets an equal chance.

If they wouldn’t do that, then they couldn’t use my play.

So my play was cancelled.

And it crushed me. So, I went to my room, privately, and cried.

Because I was hurt.

And I called my grandmother, who knew how hard I worked on the play and how excited I was to help. And I cried.

And then my father came home.

I heard him screaming down the hall at me. His voice was booming and I got scared. I was terrified. I was trembling. I thought he would come after me. I started pleading “No, no, no” under my breath but he could hear me and it made him even angrier.

He started screaming at me that I was behaving like a selfish child. His favorite insult when I wouldn’t do what he wanted. He called me power-hungry. I heard him banging on the walls so I knew how badly he wanted to hit me. He threatened me that he would give me a reason to act the way I was acting as if fearing him to my core wasn’t reason enough.

And I was still on the phone with a grandmother. She heard every word.

As quietly I started pleading with her to get me out of there. That I was scared and that I wasn’t safe. That I was afraid he was going to hurt me.

She told me to just hide in my room, but I knew that wasn’t a safe option because he rip the door off it’s hinges like he did before. And that was the first time I told her about that,

“He better not touch you.” She said that after a moment of silence once I revealed how much of a monster her son really was. Secrets started flooding out of me about what he’s done to me. How he hit me and when I ran away those women brought me back to him. I needed help I need to get out.

She tried to stay quiet so he couldn’t hear us.

She told me that she couldn’t come get me because that would make things worse. And I knew she was right. She was an abuse survivor herself and she knew what he would do to me if he knew I called for help from his mother.

She said she would get me tomorrow just to get me out of the house and to call her again when he couldn’t hear me anymore if he came back.

I skipped dinner that night. I was starving, but it didn’t seem worth it to go upstairs. Not while I was still crying. He hated me even more when I cried.

I couldn’t stop crying for a long time. Eventually I went numb. I hate when I go numb. I know he hates my emotions but I need them. I don’t want to feel nothing.

I’m sorry if some of the typing got erratic. I started crying again. I couldn’t see.

If you stuck around this long. I’m sorry. You’re probably dealing with your own stuff and didn’t really need mine, but I did warn you.

But if you have stuck around this long. Thank you. I need to know that there are others that care. I don’t want to feel alone.

#tw abuse

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theodorefletcher · 6 years ago

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Theo’s Sad Bitch Letter

we finished him lads // @pleasantprefects

Theo sat by the lake surrounded by parchment. They were finally going to finish this stupid letter that had been eating at them for awhile now. This was stupid. Why were they doing this? They should have given up a while ago. Just tear it up and throw it away. They sighed and picked up the envelope. It was already addressed.

To: Mr. Tobias Fletcher

His Cell in Azkaban

They stared at it for a long moment and set it back down. They picked up their quill and began to write again. If they didn’t finish today they were giving up. It was now or never they decided.

Father,

It’s me, Theo. Oh wait I guess you don’t know about that-I go by Theo now. Maybe mum told you, or Matthew. I don’t even know if we are allowed to write to you...or if I’ll even send this. I just need someone to talk to. I guess I should maybe catch you up on what you’ve missed in the last 12 years. Was it 12? I guess a little more now. Seeing as they took you not long after the battle.

That’s my only memory of you you know. Of the Aurors coming to Grandmother’s house and taking you and mum away. And then mum coming home alone weeks later telling me and Matthew you wouldn’t be coming back. I didn’t understand then. I was only 4. But I guess you know that. Matthew though, it killed him. He kept some of your things. They are hidden in his closet and he doesn’t let anyone touch them. He hardly spoke about you after you were arrested, but I could hear him crying at night for a long while. I think mum heard too and put a stop to it. She hated crying. She said we had to be strong. We had an image to uphold. Mum got rid of everything else of yours as soon as we went back home. Told everyone you forced her into all the horrible things she had done for Voldemort too and that it was for the best that you were no longer in our lives. Her private views were a little different though. I’m sure you can imagine. Mother always was a good liar. I’m seeing that more now that I’m older. Growing up with her wasn’t exactly easy. She’s never been the warmest person. I don’t know if that has more to do with the way the war played out or if that’s just Mum, but either way I’ve always felt pretty lonely especially after Matthew started school. And Mum was always so critical. Everything felt like a performance and I never knew how to act. I don’t really think she wanted to be a Mum she doesn’t act like it. I know I’ve been a difficult kid sometimes, but Matthew has done pretty well I’d say and she’s still so harsh to him too. Especially after he broke off his engagement. She had chosen a “perfectly suitable match” for him and he “threw it away.” I can’t wait until next summer. After graduation. I’ll be a 7th year next year if you didn’t know. Then I can pack my things and leave. Though I don’t know she’s still my Mum and the only parent I remember. It’s not like I never want to see her again. Just want some space. I’m rambling. I know that. I’m sorry.

There’s a lot to tell you. 12 years is a long time to fill someone in on. We started speaking to the Davieses (?) again after you left. They have a son my age. We aren’t very close, but it’s nice having someone in the family still at school even if he doesn’t have the same viewpoints on certain things as I do. Samuel helped me study for OWLs my fifth year, let me borrow some books and notes, didn’t do much though.

Speaking of school that sounds like a good place to start. You’ve read too much about Mum. I was sorted into Hufflepuff. I asked the sorting hat to put me into Slytherin, but it said I wouldn’t do well there. I wanted to be in Slytherin like you and Matthew and Mum and your parents. Mum had always said when I was younger that Hufflepuff is for kids without any talent. The reject house. It’s a view she still maintains. She blamed a lot of my shortcomings on my house. She’s wrong though about Hufflepuffs. My best friend Nathaniel is a Hufflepuff, and he’s amazing. He does alright in school. He’s got a lot of friends, and he wants to be Auror. If you ask me, I’d say he’s got a good chance too of becoming one. Whatever problems Mum has isn’t a Hufflepuff thing it’s just me. But I can’t just tell her that. Anyways, what else. I joined the Quidditch team. Keeper. I was Captain my 5th year but stepped down at least for this year to focus on school. I’m Prefect too. They announced it at the feast the end of my 4th year. That night-well it wasn’t great. I made some new friends I guess but they don’t feel like friends. I mean Annie is pretty cool. She’s nice. I really like her and I’d say she’s my friend. And there’s nothing against her girlfriend. She’s nice too we just don’t talk much. Maybe we should. I don’t know there’s always been a lot of tension and I’m always fucking things up. I want to do more. Want to prove myself I guess but I’m always just making things worse. I know I know I can’t change anything if I just give up and I’m not I’m just frustrated and it’s not like I can talk to anyone else about it.

5th year let’s see. Well, OWLs. I studied. Hard. All year. I failed most of them. Only passed 4 I believe. Not enough to be an Auror. Oh I want to be an Auror by the way. I probably shouldn’t seeing as you’re in Azkaban and all and that’s a weird thing to think about together. Sorry about that. It’s ok though I probably don’t have a chance anymore since I messed up my exams so badly. Let’s skip the rest of that year. Wait! No one thing. I met a boy. He’s nice and funny and just all kinds of wonderful things. He’s teaching me about Muggle stuff and he got me such an awesome gift for my birthday. He’s been teaching me football and got me my own ball and also a pin that says “My Favorite Quidditch Player.” I feel really lucky that I’ve met him. Except. His name is Elijah. He’s muggleborn though. I’m sure you will have the same opinions as Mum there. ——

This year. I’m a 6th year. I only got 4 OWLs but Professor Ainsley is letting me stay in Muggle Studies with a poor and what else do I have to do. I’ve got 5 classes and too much free time on my hands. I kind of miss my other classes. Oh well I can get a head start on studying for my NEWTs and practicing Quidditch I guess. And they’ve got this competition this year. The Virtus Games. I’m not competing but Samuel is. He’s one of Uncle Anthony’s kids if you didn’t know. And some horrendous beast was set loose in our dormitory. It was terrifying. It’s ugly little eyes were watching me and it’s not helping me be able to sleep.

——————————————————

Theo scratched a line angrily across the parchment. Their frustration was only growing.

Fuck this isn’t helping. None of this is what I really want to talk about.——-I joined a cult. Well I don’t know if joined is the right word that implies that I signed up for this willingly thinking it be a fun extracurricular. We’re bringing magic back to Squibs. Magic that was stolen by Muggleborns. It’s a noble cause I think. I feel lucky to be apart of something so big. Something like this can really change the wizarding world. But some of the things we’ve had to do-it’s hard to get passed them. Especially because I can’t talk to my best friend or my boyfriend about them. And I’m not really sure if I could talk to the others. Not that they wouldn’t understand I just feel odd talking to them. We aren’t a very close group. Or at least, I’m not close with them. Pennington. And Professor Murray. And not just that. It’s all so much but the thing that bothers me the most is I can’t stop thinking about you. I never wanted to be like you. I wanted to be better. I hated you so much these past several years. For leaving me and Matthew. Leaving us with Mum. Leaving us behind to deal with what you did. But now I’m no better than you are. I’m a murderer too or an accessory to one. I don’t understand the technicalities not that they matter much. The only hope I have now is that we can actually help people. A lot of people. Unlike you. Who have you helped? Certainly not your family. I’m glad I never wrote you before. You’re not worth the parchment. I won’t be writing again.

Have a nice life,

Theodore Fletcher

Theo threw the parchment down in anger and scrambled for their wand. They crumpled up the first sheet of parchment and threw it in the air. “Incendio!” The parchment fell to the ground still burning. They grabbed the next page and did the same. Again and again until nothing was left expect the envelope addressed to their father stuck between some spare bits of parchment that had been spared. They grabbed it and pressed it flat against the ground reading it again and again. Tobias Fletcher. Theo wished they could see him face to face. Maybe there was something he could say to them that would make this better. Finally they snatched the envelope off the ground and crumbled it up as well tossing it in the air. “Incendio!” Theo yelled. The envelope fell to the ground intact. Nothing had happened. Again. “Incendio!” The spell fizzled. The envelope fell to the ground once again. “Damn it.” They were crying now. This was stupid. They wiped the tears from their eyes and tried once more. “Incendio!” Finally the envelope went up in flames just like the rest of the letter. Theo stood and tucked their wand away. They slung their bag over their shoulder and made their way back to the castle leaving being bits of ash and parchment.

#theodore fletcher #writing

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junisohare-blog · 7 years ago

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The O’Hare Family:

Finally!! I got inspired to do this when everyone else was putting names and faces to their kid’s family’s and I was like, I need to do this too. (And since Orville is kinda up in the air if we’d ever have a Wilbur, which lol I doubt but I wouldn’t want to set anything that might change later.) Not that anyone was looking out for this but ayyee I got it together. In that regard; please let me know if any of these don’t make sense racially for the biologically related members!! I tried my best, but I’m human so I expect to make mistakes. Just let me know and whack me upside the head.

Relation to Junis: Name, Age (FC’s Name)

Father: Henry O’Hare, Deceased (Ahn Sung Ki)

Took over the farm from his father, was a really warm and inviting guy in all honesty. He loved doing what he did because of the community! He loved Swynlake a lot, even though it was a little crazy. But yeah, he was a really great father, loved and accepted all his kids equally. Got a little restless at times and expected them all to be the est that they could be. Could be very stubborn when it came to things, like he would expect everyone to be ready when HE was ready. So if you were ready to eat dinner at 6 and he wasn’t, ah well everyone has to weight until like 7 for when he’s going to be hungry. But, wait you’re doing something at 7 because you were trying to be productive and he all of a sudden is getting impatient with you because! Hey! Let’s go! DINNER!

Mother: Martha O’Hare, Deceased (Kim Mi Kyung)

So!! Lovely! She was such a good mom, but she expected a lot from her kids so she was very pushy with them even at a young age. But she was still that very motherly figure of like the wind where she can be soft and kind but wouldn’t hesitate to be harsh if someone attacked her kids! Sadly she died when Junis was 12 meaning Stewart was only 2. I want to say she died in a #Swynlake disaster.

Step Mother: Victoria May LO’Hare, Deceased (Sophie Okonedo)

She was a little bit more of a doting mother and little bit more freeing with the way she parented. She adopted 5 out of her 6 kids! And grew up in a more laid back environment so she took that with her to her own kids. She taught Henry to be more like that too, and to not push them so hard that they go toppling over the edge or hold their hand so tightly that they start to lose feeling and don’t trust their parents! Give them space! They’re kids, they want their privacy. She encouraged her kids to do what they wanted, and even sat Junis down a few times away from his father to be like, honey you can say if you don’t want to take over the family business, it’s okay! But she could be a little too passive and let them get away with too much sometimes which would result in a burned living room rug and a lost Stewart at 3am. Nothing DRASTIC just, some bad decisions with young kids. She learned though.

Sister: Daphne O’Hare, 33 (Shin Min Ah)

UHM, honestly a diva. but a nice diva. Like she’s hot as hell, knows it, but doesn’t make people feel bad about it. Would try to build people up! Loved to practice on her siblings. Could go all MacGyver on everyone’s ass with the contents of her purse if they were in a tight spot. Can be a passive aggressive bitch when she needs to be. Really the only one who could give Junis a run for his money, but in contrast she actually likes being around people and adores conversation! So when people met with the O’Hares she would be the only one talking and being like, oh haha don’t mind my brother he’s just a bit sour! Right now she is graduated, has a wife and a dog, and is a practicing lawyer. Junis calls her for legal advice and even though she’s far north he only trusts her for that kinda stuff!! Everything stays in the family.

Brother: Travis O’Hare, 30 (Gong Yoo)

He was the one who took the Farming thing to the next level. He was always kinda shy because Junis was DEMANDING and Daphne was really friendly so they both kind of never let Travis get a word in until they grew up a little. But he was more quiet than those two, and Stewart. Really nice, like OVERLY nice because he was trying to over compensate for his siblings being all over the place. Then when they gained new siblings and things calmed down he came out of his shell, but was still nice and funny and just a genuine down to Earth guy. As I was saying before, he got REALLY passionate about the environment and is up over in Alaska studying the receding icecaps. Would die for the Earth, will chew you up and spit you out if you litter or don’t seem to care about the environment he gets very personally offended. Like, “don’t you know it’s the REASON you’re ALIVE right now!”

Brother: Stewart O’Hare, 26 (Ji Chang Wook)

He was kinda an asshole. Like his gimmick was, I don’t stand out among my siblings, even more so with all my new siblings, so I’m going to be a jerk in order to get people to notice me! And he thought he was being funny, but he was really just obnoxious and annoying as all hell. But he was really book smart, not so much people smart, so he got in trouble but his siblings were like, “Stewart you gotta stop being such a fucker and calm down.” So he did towards the tail end of secondary and wow would you look at that people actually liked him for himself! Imagine that. He is now an architect and is dating a lovely woman who Junis has only met twice and is getting IMPATIENT since Stewart has learned to keep his affairs away from the family until he preps the person for the whole gang. He’ll get there soon.

Step Brother: Nathan O’Hare, 34 (Mike Godson)

He is the biological son of Victoria and some guy who skipped out on her. He is the warmest most huggable person. If anyone of the O’Hares needed a hug, Nathan was the first door they were knocking on. He was just super into board games and strategy. He was like, kinda a nerd? But a ‘cool’ nerd. Like no one wrote him off because of the things he liked and he sure af wasn’t embarrassed by any of it either. He is always so happy! And warm! It was rare to see him down and when the family was at odds or when their parents died he was the one who lifted their spirits with good stories and happy memories. Right now he works with the Child Protection system in the UK because he grew up around five adoptive kids, and he really got inspired to want to help kids get out of the situations like some of his siblings were in. He’s got a flat and currently lives alone but Junis keeps asking when he’s going to bring home his secret girlfriend. Who doesn’t exist but Junis doesn’t believe it because Nathan is too good nOT to have a girlfriend what are these LIES.

Step Brother: Peter O’Hare, 29 (Aaron Smith)

The Sporty One™. And adopted! He was really quiet at first when they were all meeting and bonding for the first time so Junis plopped his ass down next to Peter and pried him open like a clam. He is very sarcastic and dry, but light hearted and can take a joke. Very lowkey and keeps to himself until you get to know him and he is the LOUDEST person you’ll feel really special seeing him be comfy. Also everyone hates him because he’s so fucking TALL, except Junis who is like, hey you should come home and reach the high shelves for meee. But yeah, he plays rugby, is really grand at it, is playing that right now and will probably end up coaching somewhere when he’s done with that. He’s surprisingly never been injured, knock on wood, and on his first game on the major team the WHOLE clan went to watch. Even Junis had a good time with all the yelling drunk people.

Step Sister: Lily O’Hare, 26 (Ashley Argota)

She use to be the shyest of the shy! A complete wallflower, even worse than Travis because she just was so not into talking to people. When Victoria adopted her she was intimidated by her brothers but when they turned out to be really nice and lovely she was like, okay this is okay, and then the additions to the clan made it more okay. And then Victoria got married and she kind of shrank back at the sudden new siblings, esp Daphne who was like, omg SISTER!, but eventually grew to love them all so much! And she was really good at singing from a young age so Junis, who happened to hear her because he is nosy, and pushed her into doing theater which she ended up falling in love with. It helped her come into her own person, esp when she went to Uni and found her people! Now she does plays and theater and is starting to get into acting on screen. They’ve all seen her perform and Junis cried because look at little Lily having the time of her life on stage!

Step Sister: Christine O’Hare, 25 (Nesta Cooper)

One smart cookie. She was always one step ahead of everyone, Junis would always get so! Frustrated with her smart alec attitude! But she liked to get on people’s nerves, toe the line of too much but just funny enough to where they could all laugh it off. Christine is smart and she knows it? She owns it, lives in it, works it until she has everyone in awe of her. Junis is worried one day she’s going to get pushed off of her pedestal. The truth is that she’s actually very aware of how easy it would be to fail, she’s thought about just failing for the sake of doing it and seeing what happens since she is a curious person at heart, hence why she is so smart, she learned a lot at a young age since she consumed knowledge and got her brain accustom to picking things up. But she won’t because she doesn’t want to give Junis a heart attack. She is currently doing research in a lab with a team.

Step Brother: Buster O’Hare, 24 (Austin P. McKenzie)

He and Bella were going to be separated, but Victoria took both of them and he was always so grateful to her for keeping them together. He was the weird art kid, alright, he was the one who had the emo phase and only sort of regrets it. He’s very empathetic so he’s very emotional and easy to talk to. His siblings usually came to him when they needed someone to just retell their day to because he would just understand them, not give his opinions unless they asked that of him. A little on the annoying side in that he is very indecisive so when it came down to him he would flounder around because he didn’t want to make one side angry, but would just end with everyone being exasperated. Went off to art school and is currently working in a museum and freelancing on the side for people. Junis commissioned the first one. It’s of the O’Hare house and it hangs above the mantle.

Step Sister: Bella O’Hare, 22 (Katie Douglas)

A very physical being. Like her reactions are not just on her face or in her head she reacts with her whole being which Junis found annoying! at first as he is very still and keeps his movements to a minimum as not to touch anything, but eventually loved her for it. She would run and slip, dive, circle her arms, just took up so much life and energy, but still kept going. She knows how to brighten a room just by stepping into it with her high energy! She is also very chill in her emotions, though, like she has a lid on everything so she is calm and collected. Rarely got mad or testy with the siblings, would kind of be the person who calmed everyone down and was like this is the stupidest fight we have ever had, please let’s just mOVE ON. She doesn’t like her people to be unhappy, it takes her down from her love of life when the people she cares about arent enjoying it with her! She actually calls Junis the most out of her siblings, every single day and he panics if she doesn’t at this point.

Half Brothers: Kenneth and Edward O’Hare, 19 (Cedric Stout)

Kenneth: The elder twin of 5 minutes! EVERYONE was here to see these two be born! It was a DAY at the Swynlake Hospital I can guarantee you omg. Anyways, Kenneth is the more friendly of the two. He is more into reading and really fell in love with history and learning all the bullshit that has gone down in the world. And he really wanted to teach history because whenever he could he would bore his siblings to death with what he learned in school. Very approachable, laid back person. If you saw him on the street you would be like, oh he looks nice I can probably just ask him for directions and he won’t skewer me with a back handed reply. At University right now!

Edward: A little more callus than Kenneth, but he’s a little more recluse. Except he does put in a lot of work to his #looks. He’s got a large online presence lmao. Not like HUGE but he has a decent following across the platforms because he puts more effort in there than he does talking to people most of the time. Minus his siblings because he not only loves them but he can’t escape them either, ahaha. He’s also the most blunt and forward about things, like he doesn’t hold anything back once you do get to know him. He’s easily the one who would knock on someone’s door and force confrontation that would need to be defused. Very technology forwards, always tried to get their parents to think about updating the farm to make the work easier but he was too young or whatever, so they didn’t listen. Junis is kind of the same way towards him, but he’s more like, well now Edward take all those ideas and do something wonderful with them!! So he’s at University for engineering.

#the family #the o'hare's #ugh i love them #junis loves them all so much #UGH

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prehistoricalcats · 5 years ago

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Rexy's Cats OCs Part 6: Deuteronomy's Family

Deut has a huge effing family, and I'll only be discussing the most story significant members in any sort of detail here. Even so this will probably be my longest OC bio post yet. Skip to the end for a list of Deut's siblings and a list of Deut's children

Beware: Long Post

Sandalphia

(sand-al-FEE-a) Tugger's mother, and Mac and Munk's stepmother. I can't tell you much about her without spoiling an entire story arc, but I'll try to lay out what I can

Very sweet, loving, attentive mother to both Tugger and and her stepson Munk (who is 3 when Tugger is born btw)

Doesn't get on with Mac (13 when Tugger is born) for some reason

Possibly just isn't good with teenagers??

Joined the tribe as a young adult and promptly fell for Deut

Didn't end up getting together with him until over a year after Griz left (when Munk was 3 months old)

Isn't still around, but I'm not telling why

Ummm okay yeah I think that's all I can really say atm. On to the stats!

About Jenny's age or so

Average build and just a little bit short

Smooth, very short fur

Honey-colored with black/brown rosettes and marble patterns

Hazel eyes

Nickname: Sandy

Matethon

(MAT-e-thahn) Sandy's brother. Other than basic appearance I can't tell you much more than that he exists and he comes to live with her and the family for a while

Tallish and heavy

Short fur

Cream with light brown rosettes and stripes

Blue eyes

Nickname: Mat

Meganterea

(meg-an-TARE-ree-a) Macavity's mother. Again can't tell you much without spoilers

Kind of a rebel in her own way

Not really like anti-authority just does her own thing and doesn't give a damn

Has some mental health issues, including depression, that she has difficulty dealing with

Got kicked out by her parents as a teen and was taken in by Griz's family (Griz was a young girl at the time)

The relationship with Deut didn't work out but they stayed amicable

Didn't stay with the tribe after Mac was born, but visited for the Jellicle Ball, and Deut visited them at their new home often

Eventually Mac was brought back to be raised by Deut in the tribe when he was five, but I'm not telling why

At least a decade or more older than than the older queens of the current tribe (Jenny, Jelly)

Tall and thin

Short, wiry fur

White with blotches of red and gold tabby patterns

Dark green eyes

Nickname: Meg

Balthazar

(BAL-tha-zar) One of Deut's younger brothers, his best friend, and his right hand tom once he became leader of the tribe. Died in the same event that killed Arbutus and Cety's family (see Part 2)

Kind, friendly, and jovial

Was Chief Protector until his age started effecting his performance, at which point he handed the position down to Panphagia (Taro's grandmother) who eventually handed it down to Taro (see Part 3)

Takes his job very seriously, and continued to participate in Protector business after stepping down as chief

For everything else though he's a big sweetheart

Will laugh just because

He, Deut, and Diddy (see below) used to get up to all kinds of mischief as kits and young adults

Something happened (not telling what) in their young adulthood that woke them up to the harsh realities of the world, prompting Deut to start taking his position as heir, shaman, and caretaker of the tribe more seriously, and Balth started taking his own role as a deputy Protector (at the time) more seriously

But they still had fun together whenever they could ^^

A little younger than Deut

Tall and burly

Mid-length shaggy fur

Brown with grey spots

Warm brown eyes

Nickname: Balth or Bal

Methuzelah

(meth-OO-za-lah) Deut's father. A young shaman that fell in love with the heir of the tribe (Deut's mother) when she returned home from traveling the world. He and Deut's mother had four sons together, Deuteronomy, Didymus, Balthazar, and Nimravod, and he also had an older son named Nebuchadnezzar.

Stoic and aloof

At first glance...

Actually a silly billy when you get to know him

He's just shy

Total sweetheart

Adorkable

Will pose dramatically and make funny noises just to make you laugh

Bonus points if he's doing his serious business important shaman face and the silliness just comes out of nowhere

Loves both Deut's mum and Siri (see below) with all his heart

Loves all of his children dearly

That includes his stepson, who he considers his own son he does not except constructive criticism.

Ganzo (the stepson) has always called Thuzah his father and was a little disturbed to find out he was actually his stepfather. Thuzah explained to him that it didn't matter to him what tom helped make him, Ganzo is his son no matter what

"I'm your father. I'll always be your father. We may not share the same blood, but you are my son, and I am your father. Don't let anyone tell you different"

This silly shy dork was also quite wise

Deut got it from somewhere ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Really freaking old

Like mid twenties when Deut was born, so more than two decades older than Deut, who is already really freaking old

Big and tall

Like... large

Short, scruffy fur

Silver tabby

Basically he looked rather like Munk, except he was a very big boi

Big scruffy silly shy silvery boi

Dark golden brown eyes

Nickname: Thuzah (THOO-zah)

Sirindhorna

(sih-rin-DHOR-nuh) Deut's mother's lover whom she met while traveling. When Deut's mum returned to the tribe, Siri came with her, where they both ended up falling for Thuzah as well. She had two kits with Thuzah, Sasithorn and Artaxerxes.

Strong, fierce, and determined

Was a mercenary for most of her youth

Joined the tribe's Protectors after she came home with Deut's mum

Eventually became Chief Protector

Major mama bear vibes

Will utterly destroy anyone that threatens her children or her mates

And she'll make it as unpleasant as she can get away with

Loves her stepkits every bit as much as her bio kits

And Deut and the other stepkits love her like a second mother

Trained (and was particularly close to) her stepson Balth and eventually passed the position of Chief Protector to him

Actually really chill and sweet with her family

But still feisty

Has a mischievous streak

Used to love getting into trouble with Deut's mum

Also really freaking old in the current timeline (if she's even still alive)

Slightly older than Thuzah (who may also not still be alive)

Tall and lean

Soft, short fur

Colorpoint, as in creamy white with chocolate brown face, ears, tail, feet, and hands

Yeah I know she's a dessert leave me alone I was hungry when I wrote this

Deep, ocean blue eyes

Oh btw she's not just a Siamese patterned Cat, she's from actual Thailand (formerly known as Siam)

Nickname: Siri

Siblings

Deuteronomy had one older sister named Sasithorn (SASS-ih-thorn or sehs-ee-TAWN, she'll respond to either) aka "Sassy"

He also had six brothers including:

Two older brothers named Nebuchadnezzar (neb-uh-kuh-NEH-zer) aka "Neb" and Ganzorig (GAN-zor-ig) aka "Ganzo"

A twin brother named Didymus (DIH-dih-mus) aka "Diddy"

And three younger brothers named Balthazar, Artaxerxes (ahr-tak-ZERK-zees) aka "Artax" and Nimravod (NIM-rav-odd) aka "Nimra"

Neb is Thuzah's oldest son from another queen. Ganzo is oldest son of Deut's mother from another tom. Sassy is the daughter of Siri and Thuzah, and Artax is their son. Nimra is the youngest of the eight siblings, younger than Artax by several years. Neb is the oldest, followed closely by Ganzo, then Sassy. Deut and Diddy are in the middle, and then Balth came right after them.

Children

Mac, Munk, and Tugger are actually the youngest of Deut's children (that he's aware of). He's had eight children (again, that he knows of), who are in order of birth:

Jublepurria (Joo-bul-purr-ee-ah) "Juble" a daughter that left the tribe as an adult to join a tribe her lover belonged to (Deut was sorry to see her go but was thrilled to see her so happy)

A set of twins, one girl, Scansoroura (skan-sor-ROAR-ah) "Sora" or "Aurora",

and one boy, Oryctonyx (or-rick-TAW-nicks) "Rycto" whose mother raised them away from the tribe because she didn't want them to bear the burden of being the leader's heirs

Silvacola (sil-vah-KOH-lah) "Silva" a daughter who also is no longer with the tribe

Lestobrady (les-toh-bray-dee) "Lesto" a son who was one of the victims of the same event that killed Arbutus, Cety's family, and Balth

Macavity

Munkustrap

Rum Tum Tugger.

Except for the twins, they all have different mothers. After all, it is canon that Deut got around...

---

Hnm? What's that?

…Why aren't I talking about Deut's mother? Hmm, well…

I'm not telling (:

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

#oc bios #i should perhaps clarify Munk was 3 months old when Griz left #Sandy got together with Deut when Munk was about a year and a half old

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virtuissimo · 7 years ago

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Ghost Quartet asks

Didn't feel like waitin on yall to send these in so i just did it in one go lmao

1. Favorite character

Define "character" lmao, but roxy probably

2. Favorite timeline

JJDJFFF uuuuh probably usher but i like....all of them

3. Favorite song

The Astronomer most likely...or I Dont Know

4. Favorite performer?

Dave

5. Live album or recordrd album?

LIVE

6. How much of the plot do you think you understand?

At this point i think i understand like essentially all of the plot but theres still some good chunks of symbolism iv gotta work out

7. Least favorite song/song u skip most often

Ooooh uuuh i dont usually skip them but , fathers & sons! And bad men i think. I usually dont have enough time to finish the album so i havent heard midnight or the wind & rain in a while lmao

8. Favorite non-sung/spoken line?

I REALLY dont know if this counts but, the opening bits of usher pt. 1

"I suffer from a family evil, i am a slave to terror, i have a morbid acuteness of the senses, i only eat the most insipid foods, only wear clothes of certain textures. The odors of flowers are oppressive to me. My eyes are tortured by faint light, and there are only certain peculiar sounds which do not inspire me with horror. I dread the future. My little girl is dying."

Ik its e.a.p's text, but the delivery and style is so mesmerizing to me.

9. Favorite lyric

At the moment it's "let me read you a story, let me read you a romance/i will read you will listen, and this terrible night will pass"

10. Do you have any ships for the show? If so what are they?

I don't really, just because i like ALL of their dynamics at some point in the story (pearl x astronomer, rose x driver a la Midnight, "youre a good cello player brent," rose red and the bear (lISTEN), soldier x rose) so i kind of see it as a state that transcends the permanent? So i cant really ship anyone myself lmao but theres a lot od cool pairings

11. What's your favorite non-confirmed theory?

Uuuh all of mine lmao

12. Have you produced any artwork/content for Ghost Quartet?

Ddjjdkd im working on something intensive right now, and i have written a 6-page explication essay for The Astronomer, but not much actual art surprisingly

13. Which role would you most like to play?

Gosh either Gelsey or Dave. For characters, the soldier or the astronomer lmao those r the ones i had in mind

14. Which Usher song is your favorite?

Oh I love them all, at the moment it's pt 3 but i flip between that and pt 1 all the time

15. The Starchild, Roxie, Rose, or Rose Red?

Fuck. Starchild or Roxie....or rose....no imma go with roxie, love the vengeful zombie

16. Subway or the Photograph?

SUBWAY

17. Four Friends or Any Kind of Dead Person?

UuuuUuuuuuUUUUH four friends atm

18. The Gelsey/Brittain dance in Monk or the Dave/Brittain dance in Midnight?

MONK OBV

19. The Astronomer or The Telescope

The Astronomer lmao

20. Fathers & Sons, or Lights Out?

Lights Out!!!!! I play with that melody on the piano bc of all the delectably awful half steps

21. Tango Dancer or Hero?

Hero!

22. How did you first get into Ghost Quartet

Aaa someone wrote a rec post on here, dont wanna @ anyone cuz im not mentally prepared lmao

23. When did you first start listening?

Dear lord probably like 2 months ago? Wait i was still in houston, so it was like mid august probably

24. What's your favorite moment (musical or vocal) in the show?

The vocalization at the beginning of Soldier & Rose

25. Are you going to/have u seen Ghost Quartet?

Goin in January with my main slice @sonyalone if the celestial mandate maintains

26. What's your favorite bizarre connection in the show? (E.g., edgar telling the story of pearl and the pusher in usher pt 3, Shah Zaman becoming the Man In Iran in the Astronomer, etc)

I love the idea of ancient Persian Scheharazade talking about edgar allan poe, so that lmao

27. What moment would you love to see live/what moment did you love the most live?

Lights Out or side 3 seems to have really cool set design, so that! But also the usher parts

28. If you could ask Dave Malloy one question about the show, what would you ask?

Fucky um probably id ask about the timeline where rose is the mother and pearl is the daughter, HOW DOES THE LOOP COMPLETE

29. Have you read either the fall of the house of usher or arabian nights?

Iv read the fall of the house of usher like 6 times cuz of high school though i admittedly had to get the plot summary for this cuz i forgot most stuff about it lmao

30. Have you read the show's Genius annotations? If so, what's your favorite annotation by Dave?

In Usher pt 3 he says he plays some weird notes on the live album cuz he cant see the instrument and i think thats hilarious and also is a mood

31. What part of the show disturbs you the most?

??? Not really any of it??? I thought it was pretty gorey in camera shop when rose is like "ya , crows, corpses, &cannibalism pls"

32. What part of the show confuses you the most?

Like I said, probably just a lot of symbols that I'm angry I still havent gotten lmao, particularly the Armor/Sword symbolism (a lot more nuanced than one might think 😂)

#ghost quartet #gq #dave malloy

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imbossthatswhy · 7 years ago

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Fan acc of Sons of an illustrious father at Obaren 13/09/2017

I always stay updated on sons of an illustrious father and keep an eye out for their gigs, but they never really play anywhere near me or a country that is relatively close.

One day, they suddenly announced that they were playing at Obaren in Sweden, and I literally couldn’t sleep. I had plans/classes/meetings the following week on the day that they would be playing, and I needed a few hours to convince myself that they could be re-scheduled and independent reading would be sufficient for my classes. To be fair, it didn’t take long for me to start looking for traveling options from Denmark to Sweden lmao.

There were a lot of problems leading up to the trip that my friend @nednapah and I took to Sweden, but that’s a story I won’t bore you guys with HAHA.

We saw Ezra twice before the show cause we were waiting outside, and suddenly Ezra stepped out and I was really starstruck. Literally the shocked emoji face :O. And we saw him again as we went up the stairs cause they were just eating near the entrance. Lol

Seeing sons of an illustrious father live for the first time was an incredible experience. I’ve listened to their music before, but nothing comes close to the power and stage presence of their live performance. It was surreal to see their pre-show group hug ritual in person after only seeing it in photos for so long. Studio versions of their songs don’t do them justice at all, Lilah’s singing in particular was incredible live. Their chemistry and spirit as a band was magical, and I loved watching their interactions while they performed. They kicked the show off with one of my favorite tracks U.S.Gay, and I’m so happy I finally got to see them live. Lilah broke her a-string in the beginning, and the band kept apologizing before starting songs that were very a-centric that it might sound weird without the a-string. The acapella bit was probably one of my favorite moments!!!!!!! I’ve read in an interview they’ve done before that they consider themselves genrequeer, and that is a pretty accurate description. It was truly an honor to watch them perform, and I really hope I get to catch more of their gigs in the future!

A little background story: I’ve been a fan of Ezra Miller since his cameo on law and order: svu. I just remember binging SVU, and liking this kid and staring intently while the credits rolled to make sure that I caught Ezra’s name. And I have been following his career ever since. After the performance, they all left the stage pretty quickly and disappeared. I’m not quite sure what happened and everyone kinda stood around awkwardly and Lilah stepped out! While queuing up to meet Lilah, Ezra stepped out and he was stood near the back of the bar, and a new friend that we made that night was in a rush to see him because he had to leave soon. So we decided to come back to Lilah after, and went to queue for Ezra. Our new friend goes first, and Ezra had to move to a different spot cause he was blocking the hall. While he walked past me, I was like “wait what’s going on?” cause I was so confused, and he heard me and said “oh nothing! I’m just moving over here cause I’m a fire hazard.” Lmao

When I finally got to him I was kind of like, at a loss for words? I hadn’t really prepared anything and I didn’t want to take up too much of his time? So I told him I had been a fan of his since he was on law and order, and he was bending down to listen but accidentally hit me in the face with his hat, so we had an awkward moment where he put a hand over his mouth in shock, and we both laughed at each other and he apologized lol. I repeated myself again and he was so shocked. He was like “Really??? That’s so long ago! That’s sick!” and I told him that we took the train from Denmark to Sweden for their gig, and I skipped classes for this lmao (why) and he kept saying “sick!” after each sentence lol. I asked for a signature and a picture, and he was super cool and approachable it was surreal. Before I moved away I asked if I could hug him, and he held me super close while rubbing my back, and said “thank you so much for being a fan for so long, it really means a lot.” I forgot to take my pen and my friend had to get it back from Ezra for me lmao, and he recognized me and said “oh it’s yours! I’m sorry I have a tendency to steal things.” lol

We looked for Lilah but we couldn’t find her, and we went to talk to Josh. He was so sweet and incredibly kind, and we got the pins (thanks Josh! ;)) and I asked him to help put it on for me. Josh almost pinned my hair to my cardigan lmao, but it’s okay!! He knew what he was doing and the pin is still on my cardigan. I got a picture with Josh and a signature, and I just kept showering him with praises for the show and telling him that it was really worth the trip. I apologized for being such a mess lol, and he was like “no I wouldn’t say that!” lmao. He said that they would do more shows in Europe (and we kept asking for Denmark lol), and he promised that they would announce shows a little earlier in the future. He tried to look for Lilah too, but he didn’t know where she was.

Before leaving the bar, I decided to go say bye to Ezra and possibly ask for a new picture cause the one I got was not very good. I queued up again (at this point, there weren’t that many people around him), and I got up again and he recognized me like “oh didn’t I just see you?” and I told him I just wanted to say bye, because we had an early train to catch the day after and I just wanted to get a new picture with him. I got a new (and better) picture with him, of course confusing him about where I wanted to stand and he had the cutest confused look on his face trying to follow me. I asked him to consider playing in Denmark sometime in the future and while hugging me for the second time, he held me even closer and promised that he would go to Denmark to find me and promised that we would see each other again. He said more while rubbing my back, but we were so close and the music was so loud I couldn’t really hear the rest of it.. :( (EDIT: I forgot to mention that my friend asked me to aske him to write her name with his signature cause she forgot, and he wrote a little message for her too, and while writing I asked him “what are you writing?” and he told me to come have a look, but he was too tall so I tried to look but I couldn’t see anything lmao.) He was so sweet and attentive to all of the fans, and always kept eye contact while listening intently to what everyone had to say. The look on his face every time he hugged a fan was just so so sweet. I can’t believe I was nervous about meeting him. He’s probably the sweetest person I’ve ever met.

I still can’t believe that night actually happened. I just love him so so much ;__;

#ezra miller #ezramiller #sonsofanillustriousfather #sons of an illustrious father

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barddom · 8 years ago

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The Tempest

I started my reading list with The Tempest because it’s the first one in my copy of The Complete Works. It’s also a little bit poignant because Tempest is one of those plays that People believe “means” something about Shakespeare (or, as he will be colloquially referred to on this blog, Billy Shakes). It was probably one of his last plays, and because it’s about an old man giving up his craft, People say that it is about Shakespeare giving up The Theatre.

I don’t know about all that. What I do know that Shakespeare had daughters, and that the way he wrote father-daughter relationships is very particular and interesting. However, using his plays to try and expose truths about the playwright can be really unproductive. I’ve tried it and it’s hard and usually wrong. That being said, the plot is pretty wild.

[what follows is a plot summary. for hasty, last minute thoughts, skip to the end.]

Act One

Surprise! It’s about a tempest! We open in Act 1 with a storm, and a ship caught in the fustercluck.

The Boatswain and Shipmaster are like, “Nooo!” and the passengers are like, “Please God, I don’t want to die at sea! I want to die on land!” (1.1.63-65)

These passengers are: Alonso, the King of Naples, his brother Sebastian, his son Ferdinand, his counsellor Gonzalo, and Antonio, the Duke of Milan. Basically, the who’s who of Italy.

After this expository storm scene, we jump to a nearby island to meet our protagonists, Prospero (old, weird, presumably funky smelling), and his daughter, Miranda (young, nubile). Also, Miranda is the only female character in the play, which means we’re off to a really great start of continually failing the Bechdel test.

“Papa,” Miranda says, probably. “What is up with this freaky storm? Is that a shipwreck over there? Also, who am I?” (1.2)* (See notes at the bottom re: Miranda’s questions, memory, and this entire exchange.)

Here’s the deal: Miranda is fifteen, and has never met anyone other than Prospero, her father, or Caliban, the dude he keeps chained up in a cave for reasons that will become clear (but make that fact no less alarming).

Prospero, on today of all days, decides to be honest with Miranda about his past and her identity. This is a classic Billy Shakes move: exposing the noble lineage of a character to move the plot along. The sad tragic backstory is this: [cue violins]

Prospero used to be the Duke of Milan. Antonio is his evil, scheming, usurping brother. (Gasp!) Back when Miranda was a toddler, Prospero spent all his time reading magic books, and his brother was like, “I should be the duke!” King Alonso was in on it as well, and they shoved Prospero and Miranda on a boat and left them out at sea. Gonzalo gave them food, clothes, and water, but more importantly, the magic books! (Thanks, Gonzalo.) They eventually made it to The Island, where Prospero was like, “Chill,” and set up camp for the rest of time. (1.2.36-173) (It’s a long story.)

So the storm is Prospero’s revenge. He’s gonna really make life hard for the guys on the boat. (1.2.180). Miranda tries to ask another question, but her dad spells her to sleep instead, naturally.

This is where we meet Tempest’s real MVP: the spirit Ariel. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see him in action just yet. Instead we hear his tragic backstory. [Violins again, please.]

Before Prospero came to the island, it was ruled over by an evil witch named Sycorax. (Notice how men who practise magic are good magicians and women who practise magic are evil witches? Yeah, that’s a thing.) Prospero killed Sycorax, freed Ariel from the tree he was captive in, and then immediately enslaved him again. (1.2.257-293)

Prospero has promised Ariel that he will free him, as long as he follows through with the plan to separate, torment, and punish the shipwreck victims. Ariel’s like, “Already on it, boss.” And he flies away. (1.2.300)

When Miranda wakes, they go visit Caliban, Sycorax’s son! Wild. He collects their firewood and complains about it, mostly.

Meanwhile, Ariel has found Prince Ferdinand and is luring him in with sweet music. Miranda, who has never seen a man who is not a) super old or b) horribly disfigured, immediately falls madly in love with him on sight. Too bad, so sad, Prospero locks him up.

Act Two

We open on Antonio and Sebastian, who – I’m not gonna lie – I have always gotten a weird evil lovers vibe from. Is that just me? Probably.

They put their heads together and decide to kill the king, who is super bummed out because he thinks his son is dead. So if he dies, then Sebastian would be the new King of Naples! And Antonio would be the Duke of Milan and they could have slumber parties! Flawless plan. But as they go to behead the sleeping men, Gonzalo wakes up.

“Hey guys, what are those swords for?” he asks.

“Uh… we heard a monster?” they say, you know, like liars.

They don’t know how right they are, as we cut to–

Caliban, who is chopping wood (naturally) and starts to soliloquize on how much he hates Prospero, which is pretty understandable. I mean, a guy comes and kills your mother, steals the land you grew up on and were destined to inherit, and then enslaves you? That’s a huge bummer.

Enter Trinculo, the court jester, who was also in the shipwreck. The scene that follows is slapstick AF, providing a much needed break in the action of Slavery this and Drowned Souls that. He and Caliban end up under the same cloak for shelter from the storm, and Trinculo says, “Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows!” (2.2.42.)

Too true, Trinculo. Too true.

Another survivor, the butler Stephano, rocks up, only he has a whole lot of wine with him. Get in, buddy. He thinks that Caliban and Trinculo look like a weird beast, and decides the best course of action is to feed it the rest of the wine. Caliban gets smashed, immediately. Then Trinculo pops out and says, “Stephano, buddy! It’s me!” Happy friends are reunited, and now have a drunk, pliable, and desperate Caliban believing that they are gods and that wine is divine nectar, and that they’ll be able to kill Prospero! Sounds logical.

Act Three

Because there’s not much to do on an island populated by three people, Ferdinand is the new Caliban and is in charge of woodcutting. He waxes poetic about how the work is hard, but his love for Miranda makes it all okay. (i.e. “This work is hard, but I am harder, eh-hey!”) (3.1.1-15)

It’s cool though because it’s totally mutual. Prospero isn’t too keen on it, and is spying on them from a distance like the creepy, overprotective father he most certainly is. He’s conflicted because Miranda has never been happier, but also his baby girl is growing up! [violins, again]

The important thing about this scene, I think, is the language about servitude. We’ve seen a whole lot of different kinds of servitude in the play so far - mostly, you know, involuntary. Miranda and Ferdinand exchange willing, voluntary vows, declaring their love for and service to each other. (See, kids? Love is a prison.)

Meanwhile, on another part of the island, Stephano and Trinculo are getting Caliban even drunker.

More importantly, Ariel comes in, invisible to them, and plays them some kickass tunes on his pipe. This is where one of the best known passages from the play comes from.

Caliban

Be not afeard. The isle is full of noises, Sounds, and sweet airs, that give delight, and hurt not. Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments Will hum about mine ears; and sometime voices, That, if I then had wak’d after a long sleep, Will make me sleep again; and then, in dreaming The clouds methought would open and show riches Ready to drop upon me, that, when I wak’d, I cried to dream again.

(3.2.130-137)

I love this part because this is where we finally start seeing the island for what it is: a haunted fairytale world. Caliban, who’s lived there all his life, doesn’t know what the noises are, or even the spirits that make them. His connection to the island is so innate and deep that he doesn’t question this mystery, just accepts it. It’s *clenches fist* so beautiful.

Back with the merry group of Italian Nobles, shit is about to get real. They’re busy complaining about their feet being sore, or whatever, and then… “solemn and strange music; and PROSPERO on the top, invisible.”

Strange shapes enter the stage with a banquet. Sebastian is like, “Cool, I believe in unicorns and fairies now, this is absolutely nucking futs.” (3.3.22)

Before the nobles can eat, though, the greatest ever stage direction I’ve ever read in my life.

Enter ARIEL, like a harpy; claps his wings upon the table; and, with a quaint device, the banquet vanishes.

First of all: enter Ariel, like a harpy? Can you think of anything more beautiful and terrifying than seeing a giant bird-spirit with an enormous wingspan emerge from the air, slam its fists down in front of your face, and vanish everything there? This is why Ariel is my MVP. He’s just such a drama queen.

I’m also hugely fascinated by the “quaint device” situation, here. There’s a good chance my MA thesis will be on magic/witchcraft on stage. As Tempest is a late play, probably 1610-11, it was written and performed under King James, who was obsessed with witchcraft. Magic tricks weren’t just slight of hand, back in the day, they were fully, completely real. The audience, the actors, and the king all believed in the supernatural.

Anyway, Ariel makes this big speech about how he is a spirit of vengeance who is there to punish them for what they did to Prospero, before vanishing in thunder.

Act Four

“Sorry I, like, imprisoned you, or whatever,” Prospero says to Ferdinand. “But you can totally marry my daughter. As long as you don’t bone her until after the wedding. Or else I’ll do… something. Something magic and weird.” (4.1.1-23)

“Cool,” says Ferdinand.

Ariel, when Prospero asks, brings down the spirits/deities Iris, Ceres, and Juno to bless the union. Then some nymphs, then Reapers. Which reminds Prospero suddenly! Caliban, Stephano, and Trinculo were on their way to kill him! Yikes.

With the help of Ariel’s trusty invisibility cloak, they manage to spy on them, and then set dog/hound spirits on them, and scare them away. Too easy.

Act Five

Finally, Ariel is going to be set free! After god knows how many years stuck in a tree stump, and thirteen years at Prospero’s beck and call, he’s going to be set free!

Only no.

What proceeds is a super sad scene where Ariel, telling Prospero how the Merry Italians are faring (spoiler: not well), feels a deep tug on his ol’ sympathy wire. Or, rather, “Mine would, sir, were I human.” (5.1.19)

Who is the monster and who is the man? Huh? HUH?

While Ariel goes off to fetch the shipwreck victims, Prospero makes an awesome speech about how cool and powerful his magic is, and how, alas, he is going to give it up. Because he cannot be a wizard and a Duke, can he? Also, it seems to me that his main power was, you know, enslaving people and spirits who can do his bidding. Not exactly kosher.

Ariel returns with the Italians and Prospero finally confronts them. Of course, they’re like, “Are you real? I’ve seen so much crazy crap today I wouldn’t be surprised if you were a figment of my imagination.”

But no, he has a pulse, and he has aged, and he is real!

He confronts everyone, left and right. Sebastian, Antonio, Alonso - nobody is safe! (Except for Gonzalo who he’s chill with.)

He even gives them a twist by saying, “I’ve lost my daughter…” and while they’re like, “NO!” he says, “PSYCHE! I meant because she married the prince! Booyah!”

Meanwhile, Ariel repairs the ship, fills it with supplies, and sends the captain to pick everyone up.

“FREE ME!!!!” he seems to be screaming, through clenched teeth.

Caliban, Trinculo, and Stephano all emerge, in stolen clothes, reeking of wine and, probably, their own piss. Everyone heads back to the ship, bound for Milan.

But first - “My Ariel, chick / That is thy charge. Then to the elements / Be free, and fare thou well!”

Finally. Finally.

Epilogue.

To be fair to those who think Prospero is kinda sorta Billy Shakes himself, Prospero’s epilogue sounds a lot like an old man giving up his trade, there on the stage. In fact, he begs to be set free from it.

Really, it was Prospero who was the slave all along. A slave to his circumstances, his trade, his life. Heavyhanded? Yes. An attitude that maybe diminishes the suffering endured by the actual slaves in the story? Probably. But in the end, it’s Prospero who needs to be freed from the shackles of the play, of magic, of fury, a quest for revenge, and his life on the island.

What makes Prospero’s epilogue sound like a speech being given by Shakespeare is that he asks the audience for permission to step down: “As you from crimes would pardon’d be, / Let your indulgence set me free.” (19-20)

Only can the audience set him free - not the other characters. The epilogue happens for us, not for the sake of the plot on stage. It is our job to pardon Prospero for his crimes. Our job to let Shakespeare put down his pen, I guess.

My real interest in Tempest is, as I said, in the stagecraft of it, and the implications of performing, or re-enacting the supernatural on stage. I’ll likely think about this more when it comes to things like Macbeth, Midsummer, or any play with supernatural elements, like Hamlet.

Other fascinating points:

colonialism/land ownership

colonialism and language - (Caliban: “You taught me language, and my profit on’t Is I know how to curse. The red plague rid you For learning me your language!”)

that Ariel was freed from the stump implies that he was captive in the land. I’m sure there’s some kind of eco-criticism about this, somewhere, but I don’t know if I care enough about eco-criticism to follow it up

Memory

Antonio has convinced himself that he did not wrongfully usurp his brother, for instance.

Miranda cannot remember… anything? (See Kevin Ohi (2015), ‘Forgetting the Tempest’, in Dead Letters Sent: Queer Literary Transmission (pp. 49-66). University of Minnesota Press.)

The way in which Prospero constantly qualifies the story (1.2), asking her if she’s listening, if she’s paying attention, etc. implies that she might not be listening, that she perhaps can’t pay attention, that she might not remember. Despite knowing that the shipwreck victims are alive and safe, Miranda let’s Ferdinand believe that his father is dead - or, perhaps, she does not remember that Alonso is alive.

Caliban’s memory of his mother, of his island, of his childhood - it leads us to the question of who is the custodian of knowledge, of memory, for a place?

Performances and rituals

magic, marriage, masques (oh, i like the sound of that.)

And yeah. What a plot summary. Catch me never writing one again.

Things to accompany The Tempest:

Margaret Atwood’s Hag-Seed

The Little Mermaid and/or Pocahontas

Julie Taymor’s The Tempest (2010) where Helen Mirren plays Prospera.

“The Island: Come and See/The Landlord’s Daughter/You’ll Not Feel the Drowning” by The Decemberists.

#Shakespeare #The Tempest

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