God, I'm now revisiting Harrow The Ninth and this book is just nothing short of one heartbreak after another.
I can't blame people for forgetting how deeply vulnerable of a person Harrow can be, she is constantly wearing a mask and we only get to hear of her from Gideons perspective, and for good reasons because if she was the one to narrate HtN? It would read as a constant breakdown.
She is dealing with so much that she doesn't understand, not just because she literally lobotomized herself, but also because she was never taught to understand grief. Ever since having to turn her parents into construct, probably even before that, she turned all her grief into guilt, but she can't do it anymore.
The worst part about all of that is that we're constantly being told that Harrow is behaving strange, she's being weird, the lyctors and Jod are treating her like she's some freak that needs fixing, that just needs to stop whining or that just needs to do something normal when she is experiencing the most normal emotions a human can experience.
She's going through grief! She lost the girl that was the whole world to her and they don't get it! Because they're not normal, the most normal person on this ship is Ianthe who shows no signs of grief for Babs whatsoever, they all can't begin to understand that Harrow, maybe for the first time in her life, is being incredibly normal about this situation!
She's being constantly belittled, Ianthe is treating her like a game (a game Ianthe is losing btw), she's being hunted for sport and the guy she thought she worshipped all her life is telling her to just make soup? The only person that even begins to understand her is the drowned out soul of Pyrrha, she's the only person trying to help Harrow and even she can't do much more
Gideon was right she told Ianthe she doesn't know the first thing about Harrow, nobody there did expect for Gideon, and the only thing Gideon could do was watch, it's heartbreaking.
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There is no way of softening this. Coronabeth Tridentarius has already been radicalised.
Camilla Hect's opinion is that the whole Tridentarii stratagem was the initiative of Ianthe Tridentarius. Though I was taken in by the twins' swindle I am not taken in by this. Coronabeth Tridentarius has never been party to anything she did not want to do, and never successfully carried out a plan she didn't think up first.
"In point of fact that's not actually Crown's boyfriend, Nona, it's her sister, but I don't think anyone could blame you for getting confused."
All four pairs of their eyes belonged to other people. Pyrrha's deep brown eyes really came from her dead best friend, and Camilla's clear grey eyes should have really been Palamedes's, and vice versa with his wintertime irises ... "You see," Palamedes had said to her, "the eyes are a dead giveaway. When you give yourself to someone else, their soul shows in yours by the eye colour; that's why you'll never see me looking out of Camilla's face with my own eyes again."
"He's going to know, Hect. You're killing each other."
"It's our choice."
"He's going to ask."
"Do what you're good at," said Camilla. "Lie."
"Hect, you're not listening. It's killing him too - ."
"It was good," said Camilla, and her eyes closed. "It was good. We were happy."
"I don't let go," said Camilla. "It's my one thing."
Thinking about the Lyctors and their cavs.
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No bc you don’t understand. Gideon thought the only thing she could do for Harrow was die. Harrow thought her redemption relied on keeping Gideon alive. Bc of the circumstances they were raised under, they ended up devoting themselves to one person, and that one person is each other, but they’re both doing it at the expense of themselves.
This is the tragedy. They would do anything for each other but nothing for themselves. If either of them died, both would be lost. This is the tragedy. There was never a way out. There was never a happy ending. Gideon dies for Harrow, and Harrow can’t bear to make any use of it because it means she failed. She doesn’t deserve what Gideon’s death could give her. The sacrifice goes unrecognized. Gideon’s success means Harrow’s failure means Gideon’s failure, because Gideon’s death is for nothing. Gideon’s death is for nothing. Harrow cannot bear it, but she cannot use it. They are both lost. This is the tragedy. This is the tragedy.
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i wish there was something that told you how many clues there are where you haven't unlocked the thing you need to access them. it wouldn't need to tell you what you hadn't unlocked, just that you couldn't access X number of clues
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So when Tazmuir had the small religious order in her books produce a humble-looking but incredibly skilled legendary swordsman and named the guy Matthias, that, uh, that’s gotta be a Redwall homage right?
I mean the moment where he actually appears seems like more of a Fate/Stay Night homage but hey
(or maybe I’m drawing comparisons where none exist but shh)
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I am sure others have pointed this out but I am rereading, The divine comedy, after finishing, The unwanted guest, and the amount of parallels between Beatrice and Dulcinea Septimus is just getting bigger and bigger and it's making me want to scream :D
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the fact that this is canon to me (as in, Constance is capable of talking over/more than Nora) is honestly a little terrifying
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