#fate l'amore non psicologia

[skibididoctor]

Pillole di psicologia 2: non luoghi dell'amore

Nel 1977 David Canter scrisse The Psychology of Place

In pratica il brosky spiegava l'importanza dei luoghi e dell'effetto psicologico che hanno su di noi dal movimento umorale o emotivo a come il nostro cervello si accende in modo diverso (es. sotto a un ponte parte il meme sotto al pontos). Il testo è adatto anche ad architetti un po' gay che vogliono imparare cose a differenza dell'architetto etero che fa palazzi a forma di cazzi e basta.

Va be il sunto è che posti diversi vengono adibiti a cose diverse ma che cazzo vuol dire oggiGIORGIO? Che i non luoghi sono aumentati e se prima erano aeroporti, fermate dei bus o dal pusher che ti vende il fumo mo pure i social e senza parlare dei soliti chitemmuort che sono Instragram, Tiktok e boh scegliete un terzo io ci butto Tinder perché ho letto roba tipo "Tinder non è fatto per l'amore" e ho pensato "siamo scemi come lo erano nel 77?" e la risposta mi pare si e no.

"internet" è un non luogo dove secondo me e non ho papers a dimostrarlo ma vi sfido a schiaffi e vi avverto che ho le mani grandi, quindi fate pippa

Detto questo non permettete a nessuno (neanche voi stessi) di creare una striscia di identità che varia a seconda del luogo, tranne quelle 3/4 sane

es: casa di mamma

es: lavoro

es: scuola

Poi rimanete voi stessi, matti in culo e cazzi in bocca

Sono certo che si capisce, non c'è bisogno di rileggerlo prima di pubblicarlo

[subtext-bycalvinklein]

[you have probably already seen the first half of this because I am dumb and I posted it without making sure it was saved in full. I apparently am REALLY bad at making Tumblr work. Not that I am surprised by that, but still.]

Hi, I know, long time no see, I’m still a tinhat-wearing garbage-can who has no idea how to properly use Tumblr and English still isn’t my first language so kindly forgive any mistakes, but I’ve been on a good omens lockdown for the past two months and unfortunately I have Big Thinky Thoughts

The point is- book!Aziraphale&Crowley are very different from TV!Aziraphale and Crowley. But not in the sense that they’re different characters: they are the very same characters you see in the book, it’s just… They act differently. I’ve spent the last fortnight turning in bed, asking myself WHAT made them feel so different from the book and WHY it was. And then it hit me: the TV show characters operate under a system of beliefs that the book characters have already overcome. This makes sense, because while the book characters to me feel more settled and “static”, in the same way two old dudes who are just waiting for retirement have already grown into their skin and mostly know who they are, TV!A&C feel a lot younger to me, and we have the pleasure of watching their character as they develop, as they become more and more aware of who they are and what they want. Because THAT ultimately is the point: neither of them is really, completely AWARE of the point they’ve “gone native” up until the last episode.

I think it’s way easier to see in Aziraphale: in the book, he doesn’t shy away from bad deeds, he seems to acknowledge his “”“moral greyness”“” and the fact that his loyalty to Crowley overrides his loyalty to heaven -and that this isn’t something he is supposed to do, but his loyalty to the Arrangement is way more profound than his acquiescence towards heaven. His identity is not just formed around the fact that he is an angel: that’s just part of it, and that’s what makes it easier for him to be aware of his “bit of a bastard”. It doesn’t come as a surprise, for him, just as the spark of goodness isn’t surprising for Crowley. It’s just something they avoided talking about because, well, if anyone else had heard them, it wouldn’t have ended well. (But we’ll come back to this later on.) TV!Aziraphale, instead, seems to base almost all of his identity (what he consciously decides it’s his identity) solely on the fact that he is an angel: he HAS to be good, he HAS to do what is right. All those things he does that he knows are frowned upon in Heaven are quickly discarded, considered outliers, because they cause such great cognitive dissonance he cannot bear it. At first, he seems to be starting to question the Great Plan, but around the time Crowley comes asking for the holy water¹, he seems to realise fully how dangerous everything they’re doing is, and sweeps all of his doubts under a big, heavy rug of denial. Because it’s either that, or being wiped off the face of the Earth (and the whole creation) or completely losing his identity by Falling (because he wouldn’t be an angel anymore, and he’s based on this facet of himself like 99% of his identity), which is A Huge Effing Deal, especially since it’s the narrative of himself he’s been building for almost six millennia. So, Aziraphale has put in place a system of beliefs which says: God created Angels. God is perfect, and since The Almighty created Angels to be good, they are good. Therefore, I am Good, and I cannot be anything else. Does this take into account that “Good” is a broad definition that changes with the point of view? Nope. It doesn’t take into account, either, the fact that Heaven and Hell are, in truth, just names for sides, and not that different at all. Another mistake Aziraphale does it’s an attributional error: he thinks that everything good he does it’s because he’s an angel, and therefore supposed to be good, and expects other angels to be like him, when often it’s really Aziraphale *as an individual* who does Good Deeds.

Belief systems aren’t inherently Bad: they give us fixed points² in the sea of change, and it’s vital for us to have them. Belief systems become Bad the moment they don't serve their purpose anymore: that is, when instead of being helpful, they hold you back from understanding, from exploring possibilities. And that's what happens to Aziraphale and, to some extent, Crowley: they both cling to their beliefs even tho they're shown time and time again that what they think it's wrong, and they choose to cling to them because the alternative is to float in the sea of the unknown.

It is only once Aziraphale confronts the falseness of his beliefs (the moment he faces the Angels and they tell him they won't prevent the Apocalypse) that he is able, once and for all, to eradicate his belief system and integrate in a new sense of Self all of those traits he usually denied about himself.

What about Crowley, then? His belief system looks a liiittle bit more grounded in reality... Except not really. While, yes, he seems less bound to Hell, and justly distrustful, he doesn't fare all that better. It's just more tricky to recognise, because it's more about Crowley himself than it is about heaven or hell.

Book!Crowley, since the beginning, is literally a very tired, very old, very uncool entity who is just waiting to retire from a job he hates to spend his time tending to his plants and doting on his adversary-slash-bestfriend-slash-husband. He is pretty much aware of the fact that, while he loves mischief, he doesn't like actively harming anyone, is really repulsed by the idea of hurting deeply someone. He knows this, and knows Aziraphale knows this. He just doesn't like stating it out in the open because he is a paranoid bastard afraid anyone will overhear them -and rightly so, I might add, because, as stated beforehand, there will be Consequences. When Aziraphale tells him he is, after all, nice, he's resigned, because being nice doesn't make being a demon very easy. But that trait is already stark clear in his Self-image, and he acts accordingly.

TV!Crowley, tho? The moment he is dubbed "nice" literally explodes in anger.

This is not about "telling the whole blessed world", this is about Crowley not having the faintest idea he has the spark of goodness inside himself. He has convinced himself that since he Fell, since he is a demon, he must be Bad. And this, imho, is reflected in the way he takes credit for the Really Bad Stuff humans have done, as well: he is trying so bad to uphold the image of a Big Bad Demon, he tries to rejoice when people do bad stuff, even though it's clear he doesn't like it one bit.

And that's because if his and Aziraphale's belief system have one thing in common, is their trust in God: if the Almighty cast him out of heaven, there must have been a reason, and that reason is that, deep down, he isn't good. Crowley's self image is built all around that, as much as his acts of kindness probably end up mislabeled as selfishness³. And that is because he cannot accept that his Fall, something that still plagues him after six millennia, that has left him with such a scar that his plants take the brunt of it, was just over "asking questions". The punishment doesn't fit the "crime", and it's difficult, if not impossible, for the human, or occult, or ethereal mind to accept that sometimes events so painful happen for no reason.

It's imperative, then, for the dismantling of his disfunctional belief system, that he confronts the truth: there is very little inherently Evil within himself. And that moment occurs when a desperate Crowley talks to God Herself (Themselves? I'm not sure if the Almighty uses they/them or she/her, sorry) and admits that the only wrong thing he did was asking questions. From then on, he slowly becomes able to face his own spark of goodness, to admit it in his own Self-image.

In conclusion: while it makes sense that the book characters had their moment of acknowledgement in the middle of the action, as it's a truth they already knew from the beginning and, since they were about to face Consequences anyway, they might as well voice it aloud, it is just as apt for the TV characters to say it at the very end of the story, because for them it's a starting point to the rest of their existences: they finally fully know who they are and what they want, and they will start the rest of the journey with that knowledge.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk, some of the swearing is censored not because I disapprove of it but because I don't want Tumblr to decide it shouldn't be posted in the tag and, as we've previously established, I'm really bad at this.

Footnotes and be thankful this is just the work of an evening of procrastination because I'm known for "making metas that require a bibliography" but I didn't have the time to check my social psy books

1: I might expand on this someday, but I actually have Thoughts on the whole "Aziraphale Being An Heaven-Abiding Angel" thing, and how it heavily relates to Crowley and Aziraphale's dynamic; the holy water break-up in the 19th century seemed a good milestone for the moment

2. Yes, I was thinking of the whole "fixed point in a changing age" thing from His last bow, and yes, my eyes got misty while writing it and I don't have any allergies to blame it onto. My brain is an attic and it's full of ACD Canon quotes and by this point I couldn't get rid of them if I wanted to.

3. This is heavy tinhatting but I honestly feel like he often tries to pass off his kindness as "I like this and I want this so I have to do something". The clearest example is: he feels that the whole world shouldn't be destroyed because it's unfair? Surely it's just because he likes living here, not because he cares, pfffftttttt

*saunters vaguely back to studying*

[ragazzoarcano]

“Mi dispiace se avete incontrato uomini che non lo erano, che vi hanno tradito, fatto soffrire, abbandonato…ma esistono uomini che amano una sola donna per tutta la vita, uomini che cambiano per amore, uomini che vivono per far felice la propria donna, magari senza riuscirci o facendo moltissimi errori, ma che ci provano sempre. Ci sono uomini così, speciali, che meritano donne speciali. Uomini che sono dei monogami convinti, che non scopano, ma fanno l'amore e sesso contemporaneamente perché pensano che l'uno non esiste senza l'altro, uomini diversi. Fate attenzione a dire che gli uomini sono tutti uguali, non fate l'errore di ritenere che gli uomini siano tutti come quelli che avete incontrato. Esistono uomini diversi, uomini che val la pena di cercare per tutta una vita, cosi come le donne, uomini e donne non comuni.”

— Marco Montagna

Sessione Psicologia università Torino

[ricomincerai]

Nobiltà d'animo cercasi!

Avete presente tutti quei personaggioni, a volte (quasi mai) buoni oratori e (finti) perfezionisti, che fanno di tutto pur di catturare la vostra attenzione?! Partono tutti così: 1. complimenti a caso (“che begli occhi che hai”); 2. cercano di osservare ciò che fate, come vi ponete. 3. A seguire, subito dopo la fase 1 e 2, se ne escono con quei commentini che sembrano essere stati letti dodici anni prima su una rivista del tipo ”novella2000” o ”cioè”. Fanno quella che io definisco “psicologia spicciola”, perché non basta nemmeno un miracolo per capire davvero fino in fondo le persone, figuriamoci un'occhiata (chiamiamola cosí, perché gli sguardi sono un'altra cosa).

Purtroppo qui, su questo social cosí come nella vita reale, capita di incontrarne qualcuno. Alcuni anche al di sopra della quarantina, altri più giovani. Se ne trovano in quantità industriali, soprattutto sui mezzi pubblici, e non si fanno scrupoli di nessun tipo. Qui a Napoli li chiamiamo “rattusi”; il termine è evocativo, di fatto fa richiamo ai topi che -nulla togliere ai poveri animaletti- solitamente sono considerati degli animali sporchi. Ecco, questo post è per ricordare a queste persone che, sebbene anche questo sia un luogo pubblico, un mezzo pubblico, non bisogna mai dimenticare che la sua funzione dovrebbe essere quella di favorire la comunicazione. Una comunicazione pacifica, rispettosa e positiva soprattutto. Magari loro pensano di ponersi pure bene: vogliono fare gli eleganti, gli uomini vissuti, usando sempre quei paroloni vuoti, ma sono persone sporche comunque. Sia chiaro, NON sono sporchi SOLO perché ci provano con delle ragazzine che potrebbero essere loro figlie, piuttosto perché il loro obiettivo è subdolo, così come è degradante e viscida la loro esistenza. Non c'è bisogno di fare i “macho man” per portarsi a letto una donna… o almeno non quelle intelligenti. E allora vi dico solo una cosa, poi probabilmente l'argomento non lo ripropongo più: non serve soltanto l'eleganza nei modi, ma anche quella d'animo, per essere delle belle persone. Inutile quindi ostentare ciò che si è: se siete davvero buoni, bravi, interessanti, si capirà da sé.

A proposito.. ovviamente, L'AMORE è un'altra cosa!

[lovelybooksproject]

Recensione: Logan di Veronica Scalmazzi

Questo libro mi ha delusa e scoraggiata. Lo avevo iniziato spinta dalle recensioni positive lette sul web, soprattutto quelle entusiaste del blog tour in cui lo avevano descritto come M/M coinvolgente ed emozionante, che ti fa sciogliere il cuore e spinge ad amare incondizionatamente i due protagonisti ma purtroppo non è stato il mio caso, un vero peccato perché il libro aveva tutte le potenzialità per diventare uno dei miei preferiti infatti al contrario di altri self è scritto davvero bene, la scrittrice riesce con maestria a rendere il testo molto scorrevole e soprattutto a descrivere le scene più piccanti con abilità e senza cadere nel volgare, un pregio non da poco e che con un minimo di storia in più avrebbe reso tanto e la consapevolezza di questo... mi ha fatto infuriare ancora di più spingendomi a portare avanti la lettura per giorni e giorni, senza un vero interesse a scoprire il finale della storia. Spesso mi ritrovo di fronte a "scrittrici" con idee, anche originali e sensate, che su carta non riescono a mettere insieme una frase di senso compiuto distruggendo la loro opera e idea ma non è questo il caso, con l'abilità di Veronica e la sua scrittura bastava soltanto sviluppare meglio l'idea di base e olè, senza troppe difficoltà saremo stati di fronte un piccolo capolavoro invece qualsiasi idea originale viene soppiantata dalla solita storiella d'amore trita e ritrita condita con un po' di dramma e tanto erotismo. Avrei voluto vedere più l'introspezione dei due personaggi considerando che l'intero romanzo è diviso in Pov alternati soprattutto quella di Jay, fin da subito ci viene fatto capire che il giovane non è lo stronzo che pensa Logan, non è il bastardo che lo ha scopato per poi scappare come un coniglio ma un uomo che ha sofferto ed è stato costretto ad abbandonare il compagno per un motivo, è stato obbligato a vivere a contatto con il mondo della droga e vedere orrori indescrivibili, il non poter salvare quei giovani e soprattutto una povera ragazza finita nelle mani spietate di un trafficante senza scrupoli dovrebbero averlo distrutto emotivamente e fisicamente, non volevo sicuramente un personaggio che si piange addosso dalla mattina alla sera ma uno che porta i segni di quel trauma invece il personaggio è tranquillissimo, potevano metterci che era shockato per aver perso il suo gatto e sarebbe stata la stessa cosa, il fatto che lui abbia visto morire una persona non sembra turbarlo se non in due o tre scenette di "confessione" utili solo a spingere i due protagonisti ad andare a letto assieme, unendo l'amore al sesso, ma per il resto il trauma subito non sembra condizionare minimamente Jay, posso capire che molti potrebbero dire che lui è un agente, è abituato e sicuramente ha una sopportazione maggiore rispetto a un civile, ha già visto morire persone davanti lui ma per come ci viene presentato, dai flashback che possiamo vedere, lui non è rimasto indifferente alla morte della ragazza anzi, si sente in colpa, quindi dovrebbe condizionare un minimo la sua vita questa scelta invece sembra un Logan 2.0, la faccenda droga/morte viene tirata in ballo solo per creare scenette intime tra i due protagonisti e spiegare al lettore che non vanno solo a letto assieme ma si amano e...stop. Non vi è una evoluzione dei personaggi, un tentativo di superare insieme quel trauma che dovrebbe ossessionare in qualche modo Jay, è solo un "Una ragazza è morta per colpa mia" "Awwwww mi dispiace tantooo" "Facciamo sesso che voglio dimenticare" "Ok" Non c'è un momento di raccoglimento e riflessione tra i due, posso capire il bisogno di creare uomini virili ma.... un minimo di emozione, Jay che si lascia andare confessando la cosa avrebbe dovuto tirare fuori il lato più nascosto dell'uomo, un lato umano e sensibile e a sua volta fare uscire quello di Logan non doveva essere solo un escamotage per farli scopare come ricci. In questa storia manca completamente un lato psicologico e umano, tutto si riduce al sesso... punto. La metà del libro per non dire ¾ sono loro che fanno sesso o limonano come tredicenni e si può riassumere in questo schema *Logan entra in una stanza* Logan:  "Ahhh quanto odio Jay, è stronzo, non lo amo e amerò mai, mi ha spezzato il cuore" *Entra Jay* *Sesso o pomiciata* Jay: "Visto Logan? Sei mio ci apparteniamo!! Non puoi scappare" Logan: "Noooo non ti amerò mai, mi hai spezzato il cuore e mi fai schifo" *Logan fugge dalla stanza come una principessa Disney* E il tutto si ripete alternando i luoghi, dalla palestra al bar. A questo si aggiunge per pietà il solito tizio random che dovrebbe essere il terzo incomodo, Derek il quale decide di provarci a caso ignorando completamente il fatto che a Logan di lui non può fregare di meno e anzi, non fa altro che venire nei suoi pantaloni al solo sentire respirare Jay. Viene anche presentato Brian che dovrebbe portare un po' di dramma e realtà nella vicenda essendo il fidanzato della tizia morta ma che di fatto non compare e... non fa niente, non si vendica, non fa scenate, semplicemente è un nome a caso, poteva essere il cane della tizia morta e il coinvolgimento emotivo sarebbe stato lo stesso.... pari a zero! La prima parte del libro è così riassunta in litigio, sesso, litigio e la seconda... cerca di compensare la prima, l'autrice si è resa conto che il lettore doveva cercare di empatizzare con i due tizi e che farli scopare come tredicenni in calore non bastava quindi ci ha buttato la confessione del segreto oscuro di Jay, in un modo che non poteva essere meno toccante e coinvolgente neanche sforzandosi e poi... via di drammi random con la quasi morte di Logan e del padre... così... a caso... è tutto affrettato, troppo spinto sul lato sessuale, non che ci sia nulla di male, anzi, il problema è che si può usare il sesso per sviluppare i personaggi, ci sono romanzi erotici che riescono allo stesso tempo a sviscerare i loro protagonisti completamente quindi il non approfondire la psicologia dei due non è giustificato, di fatto una volta terminata la lettura l'unica cosa mi è rimasta sono i momenti sessuali tra i due, non mi è rimasto impresso un momento di apertura e condivisione del dolore o un momento intimo/romantico. In teoria dovrebbero aver sofferto entrambi uno per essere stato costretto a entrare in un mondo orrendo e crudele, a vedere la morte di giovani innocenti e l'altro per non essere riuscito ad accettare la sua omosessualità e viverla senza sensi di colpa, due dolori diversi ma comunque forti, ci poteva essere un contatto, i loro dolori uniti e sconfitti solo insieme e invece tutto è forzato, i due si mettono insieme dopo una scenetta finto drammatica e  il "Stiamo insieme" è strappato a forza dalle labbra di Logan senza che questo abbia avuto il tempo di riflettere e meditare sulla "bomba" che Jay la notte prima gli ha lanciato addosso.  Per poi passare al ridicolo "Sono cinque mesi che io e Jay stiamo insieme" ma cosa? Cosa è successo in questi cinque mesi? Perché passi dal loro fidanzamento, neanche fatto bene, al stiamo insieme da mesi quindi lettori fate finta che siamo innamoratissimi e non chiedetevi altro" Insomma...tagliando le lamentele, è stata una vera delusione. L'idea era perfetta, lo stile di scrittura c'era, l'abilità c'era eppure tutto si perde e mi è sembrato di leggere la versione NC-18 di alcune fan fiction su Wattpad. Ho visto che molti sono rimasti entusiasti ma non è il mio caso, volevo e mi aspettavo di più e non trovandomi di fronte le solita novellina quindicenne che vuole parlare di sesso senza aver neanche mai visto un pene, potevo avere di più. Non metto meno di 3 stelle perché non è scritto male e ci sono idee interessanti anche se non sviluppate come si deve non mi sento però di consigliarlo o meglio, se cercate solo un romanzo erotico e vi frega poco dello sviluppo personaggi può essere perfetto anzi, troverete non solo la componente piccante ma anche un accenno di trama e psicologia quindi vi piacerà molto, se cercate altro come me invece.... preparatevi a rimanere delusi ed evitatelo!

[itachi-with-a-chicken]

THIS IS SOME GOOD SHIT

[you have probably already seen the first half of this because I am dumb and I posted it without making sure it was saved in full. I apparently am REALLY bad at making Tumblr work. Not that I am surprised by that, but still.]

Hi, I know, long time no see, I’m still a tinhat-wearing garbage-can who has no idea how to properly use Tumblr and English still isn’t my first language so kindly forgive any mistakes, but I’ve been on a good omens lockdown for the past two months and unfortunately I have Big Thinky Thoughts

The point is- book!Aziraphale&Crowley are very different from TV!Aziraphale and Crowley. But not in the sense that they’re different characters: they are the very same characters you see in the book, it’s just… They act differently. I’ve spent the last fortnight turning in bed, asking myself WHAT made them feel so different from the book and WHY it was. And then it hit me: the TV show characters operate under a system of beliefs that the book characters have already overcome. This makes sense, because while the book characters to me feel more settled and “static”, in the same way two old dudes who are just waiting for retirement have already grown into their skin and mostly know who they are, TV!A&C feel a lot younger to me, and we have the pleasure of watching their character as they develop, as they become more and more aware of who they are and what they want. Because THAT ultimately is the point: neither of them is really, completely AWARE of the point they’ve “gone native” up until the last episode.

I think it’s way easier to see in Aziraphale: in the book, he doesn’t shy away from bad deeds, he seems to acknowledge his “”“moral greyness”“” and the fact that his loyalty to Crowley overrides his loyalty to heaven -and that this isn’t something he is supposed to do, but his loyalty to the Arrangement is way more profound than his acquiescence towards heaven. His identity is not just formed around the fact that he is an angel: that’s just part of it, and that’s what makes it easier for him to be aware of his “bit of a bastard”. It doesn’t come as a surprise, for him, just as the spark of goodness isn’t surprising for Crowley. It’s just something they avoided talking about because, well, if anyone else had heard them, it wouldn’t have ended well. (But we’ll come back to this later on.) TV!Aziraphale, instead, seems to base almost all of his identity (what he consciously decides it’s his identity) solely on the fact that he is an angel: he HAS to be good, he HAS to do what is right. All those things he does that he knows are frowned upon in Heaven are quickly discarded, considered outliers, because they cause such great cognitive dissonance he cannot bear it. At first, he seems to be starting to question the Great Plan, but around the time Crowley comes asking for the holy water¹, he seems to realise fully how dangerous everything they’re doing is, and sweeps all of his doubts under a big, heavy rug of denial. Because it’s either that, or being wiped off the face of the Earth (and the whole creation) or completely losing his identity by Falling (because he wouldn’t be an angel anymore, and he’s based on this facet of himself like 99% of his identity), which is A Huge Effing Deal, especially since it’s the narrative of himself he’s been building for almost six millennia. So, Aziraphale has put in place a system of beliefs which says: God created Angels. God is perfect, and since The Almighty created Angels to be good, they are good. Therefore, I am Good, and I cannot be anything else. Does this take into account that “Good” is a broad definition that changes with the point of view? Nope. It doesn’t take into account, either, the fact that Heaven and Hell are, in truth, just names for sides, and not that different at all. Another mistake Aziraphale does it’s an attributional error: he thinks that everything good he does it’s because he’s an angel, and therefore supposed to be good, and expects other angels to be like him, when often it’s really Aziraphale *as an individual* who does Good Deeds.

Belief systems aren’t inherently Bad: they give us fixed points² in the sea of change, and it’s vital for us to have them. Belief systems become Bad the moment they don’t serve their purpose anymore: that is, when instead of being helpful, they hold you back from understanding, from exploring possibilities. And that’s what happens to Aziraphale and, to some extent, Crowley: they both cling to their beliefs even tho they’re shown time and time again that what they think it’s wrong, and they choose to cling to them because the alternative is to float in the sea of the unknown.

It is only once Aziraphale confronts the falseness of his beliefs (the moment he faces the Angels and they tell him they won’t prevent the Apocalypse) that he is able, once and for all, to eradicate his belief system and integrate in a new sense of Self all of those traits he usually denied about himself.

What about Crowley, then? His belief system looks a liiittle bit more grounded in reality… Except not really. While, yes, he seems less bound to Hell, and justly distrustful, he doesn’t fare all that better. It’s just more tricky to recognise, because it’s more about Crowley himself than it is about heaven or hell.

Book!Crowley, since the beginning, is literally a very tired, very old, very uncool entity who is just waiting to retire from a job he hates to spend his time tending to his plants and doting on his adversary-slash-bestfriend-slash-husband. He is pretty much aware of the fact that, while he loves mischief, he doesn’t like actively harming anyone, is really repulsed by the idea of hurting deeply someone. He knows this, and knows Aziraphale knows this. He just doesn’t like stating it out in the open because he is a paranoid bastard afraid anyone will overhear them -and rightly so, I might add, because, as stated beforehand, there will be Consequences. When Aziraphale tells him he is, after all, nice, he’s resigned, because being nice doesn’t make being a demon very easy. But that trait is already stark clear in his Self-image, and he acts accordingly.

TV!Crowley, tho? The moment he is dubbed “nice” literally explodes in anger.

This is not about “telling the whole blessed world”, this is about Crowley not having the faintest idea he has the spark of goodness inside himself. He has convinced himself that since he Fell, since he is a demon, he must be Bad. And this, imho, is reflected in the way he takes credit for the Really Bad Stuff humans have done, as well: he is trying so bad to uphold the image of a Big Bad Demon, he tries to rejoice when people do bad stuff, even though it’s clear he doesn’t like it one bit.

And that’s because if his and Aziraphale’s belief system have one thing in common, is their trust in God: if the Almighty cast him out of heaven, there must have been a reason, and that reason is that, deep down, he isn’t good. Crowley’s self image is built all around that, as much as his acts of kindness probably end up mislabeled as selfishness³. And that is because he cannot accept that his Fall, something that still plagues him after six millennia, that has left him with such a scar that his plants take the brunt of it, was just over “asking questions”. The punishment doesn’t fit the “crime”, and it’s difficult, if not impossible, for the human, or occult, or ethereal mind to accept that sometimes events so painful happen for no reason.

It’s imperative, then, for the dismantling of his disfunctional belief system, that he confronts the truth: there is very little inherently Evil within himself. And that moment occurs when a desperate Crowley talks to God Herself (Themselves? I’m not sure if the Almighty uses they/them or she/her, sorry) and admits that the only wrong thing he did was asking questions. From then on, he slowly becomes able to face his own spark of goodness, to admit it in his own Self-image.

In conclusion: while it makes sense that the book characters had their moment of acknowledgement in the middle of the action, as it’s a truth they already knew from the beginning and, since they were about to face Consequences anyway, they might as well voice it aloud, it is just as apt for the TV characters to say it at the very end of the story, because for them it’s a starting point to the rest of their existences: they finally fully know who they are and what they want, and they will start the rest of the journey with that knowledge.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk, some of the swearing is censored not because I disapprove of it but because I don’t want Tumblr to decide it shouldn’t be posted in the tag and, as we’ve previously established, I’m really bad at this.

Footnotes and be thankful this is just the work of an evening of procrastination because I’m known for “making metas that require a bibliography” but I didn’t have the time to check my social psy books

1: I might expand on this someday, but I actually have Thoughts on the whole “Aziraphale Being An Heaven-Abiding Angel” thing, and how it heavily relates to Crowley and Aziraphale’s dynamic; the holy water break-up in the 19th century seemed a good milestone for the moment

2. Yes, I was thinking of the whole “fixed point in a changing age” thing from His last bow, and yes, my eyes got misty while writing it and I don’t have any allergies to blame it onto. My brain is an attic and it’s full of ACD Canon quotes and by this point I couldn’t get rid of them if I wanted to.

3. This is heavy tinhatting but I honestly feel like he often tries to pass off his kindness as “I like this and I want this so I have to do something”. The clearest example is: he feels that the whole world shouldn’t be destroyed because it’s unfair? Surely it’s just because he likes living here, not because he cares, pfffftttttt

*saunters vaguely back to studying*