#fat fucking racoon

[rosenclaws]

Jinx (or 5 times you mess things up in front of Logan and 1 time you don't) || Logan Howlett x Reader

summary: You bring bad luck and have all your life and when you meet Logan you expect him to react the same way everyone has. To your shock he doesn't. That doesn't stop you from making a fool of yourself in front of him though. Many. Many times.

warnings: flirty logan, swearing, reader has mutant fire powers, fighting, logan has ptsd in water, he lashes out bc of it, possible ooc but idc, fighting, injury, comfort, blood, explosions

wc: 5k

a/n: Okay so I fucking LOVE arcane and I thought about a fic where the reader is like Jinx in the sense of she just has really bad luck all the time. She also has fire powers because I think they're cool and after that one drabble I wanted to do more with it. This is my longest fic so I hope you like it!!!

The First meeting

You might be the first mutant with a nickname that is more of an insult than a call sign. It started when you arrived here. Just a teenager looking for a place to call home. The mansion was that home and you loved every second of it. Your fire wielding powers were dangerous but exciting and with the help of the teachers you sort of learned how to train them.

But for some reason you didn't get some cool fire nickname you got stuck with Jinx. It's not your fault that bad things just happen around you. Really. You don't do anything to cause them on purpose but the bad luck seems to just follow you where ever you go.

You got the nickname after you managed to break the fountain. Seriously though how can that be so fragile. All you did was kick a soccer ball and you might have taken its head off.

Bad things just seemed to happen over and over again. You might have set fire to some curtains. Or the carpet. Or smashed a vase or two.

Even when you graduated and became a teacher things just happened. Missing papers, breaking pencils, the ceiling caves in because a family of fat racoons decided to make their home there. Things that were out of your control just happened.

So they called you Jinx. Was it lovingly? Maybe.

No one has kicked you out yet so that's a good sign. They do tend to avoid standing too close to you though. Which honestly is for the best.

It was a commotion in the main lobby that catches your attention today. The sound of a gruff voice peaks your interest. Peering into the room you see Rogue and Storm talking to a man.

"It's good to see you Logan." Oh! Wolverine.

You missed his first stop by the mansion. You were off doing something else for Charles when he was brought here originally and you were supposed to fly back to help as usual. You flight got canceled due to weather. So by the time you came back he had already gone.

You heard Rouge gossiping with the other students about him. She mentioned he was handsome but fuck he was even better than you thought.

You lean forward a little more and end up losing your balance and falling flat on your face. The three of them look at you and you wave, trying to save yourself some embarrassment. You can see Logan looking at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Jinx! Come meet Logan." Rogue calls you over and you stand up. Brushing yourself off as you walk over.

"Nice to meet you Logan." You hold out your hand but he just looks at it.

"Jinx?" He says instead. A smirk on his face as he speaks.

"It's a nickname, don't you have one too Wolverine?" He chuckles and you have hope that you're charming enough. Most of the time something really unlucky happens when you meet someone for the first time.

"Will I see you around Jinx?" If you didn't know better you'd say he was flirting.

He steps closer to you and you stumble back in surprise. He's intimidating with his broad shoulders and animal like grin. You let out a small scream as you trip on your feet and fall backwards. Right into Scott. Scott falls like a domino and you hear a crack.

"Scott! Are you okay?!" You rush to his side but suddenly a beam of energy shoots through his eyes.

You feel someone grab your arm and pull you away from him. Ducking your head as the beam shoots into the door. Scott closes his eyes but the damage is already done. The front doors of the beautiful mansion were destroyed. Everyone waits in silence as Charles appears from his office holding an extra pair of glasses for Scott.

"I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to bump into you." Apologies tumble out of your mouth as Scott fixes his new glasses.

"Don't worry about it, It was an accident Jinx." He places a hand on your shoulder and smiles but you can tell you fucked up. Again. You smile back but it falls once he leaves.

"I'm sorry about your door Professor." You mumble as you look at the destruction.

"It's alright, we'll get it fixed." You slowly walk off, letting people asses the damage.

You pass by Logan who watches you as you slink back to your room. You had hoped that maybe you could have gotten to know Logan before he found out how you got your nickname.

So much for first impressions.

2. In the kitchen

The next time you encounter Logan is in the kitchen. Despite your inherent unluckiness you still loved to cook. Sure you had cuts and burns from all your attempts but your dishes ended up pretty good. You're making a stew this time. Band aids are already on some of your fingers as you stir the pot.

"Smells good." You let out a scream as you drop the spoon into the soup. The fridge opens up and you see Logan rummaging through the shelves.

"Beer's behind the peas." You mumble as you try and fish out the spoon.

"Ow!" You hiss as you burn yourself again.

The hot metal spoon burned your hand. Logan watches as you put your hand under the sink and put some cold water on it.

"Ironic I know, the mutant with fire powers burns herself when cooking." You mutter catching his amused look.

He walks over and takes your hand, pressing his cold beer to the small burn. You sigh as the cold drink sends relief through your hand. You get a better look at Logan like this.

He's just dressed in jeans and a tank top. His muscles are practically bulging through the already stretchy fabric. He's got this dangerous aura around him that makes you hesitant at first. Not to mention the whispers about him. How violent he could be, the things he’s done. Everything he’s been through. But you didn’t care.

"So is Jinx because your clumsy?" He asks as he checks on your burn.

"Kind of, more like unlucky things just seem to happen to me I guess." Your eyes are focused on where Logan's hand is holding your wrist.

His hands are rough but his touch feels so nice. His grip is firm but not enough to hurt you. The fact that he's even helping you is bizarre. Anyone else would just chalk it up to you and let you deal with it yourself.

"I'm surprised you haven't run for the hills yet. You know, the first day you meet me I end up destroying the door." To your surprise Logan laughs.

"Technically Scott destroyed the door." He counters.

"Yeah well I broke his glasses." You take your hand away from his beer and turn your attention back to the soup.

For some reason Logan doesn't leave. He watches you as you cook and you like the company. You tense as you feel him get closer to you. His chest almost against your back as he peers over your shoulder. He's so close. You take a wooden spoon this time and stir the soup. Lifting a little bit to your lips.

"Can I have a taste?" Logan asks.

You turn your head to find his face incredibly close to yours. Really close. So close that you can barely focus on anything other than his lips. You don't notice the burner getting more intense as all your focus is on Logan.

"Shit!" Logan hisses as the soup practically explodes all over the kitchen. Soup splatters every possible place including your clothes. Making a massive mess.

"Dammit!" You turn down the burner and see if there's anything left you can salvage but there's nothing. You must have caused the burner to go haywire.

"I'm sorry Logan." You say defeatedly as you wipe soup from your forehead. Logan takes his thumb and wipes the soup off your cheek.

"Tasty." He says as he licks his thumb. He doesn’t break eye contact. Enjoying the effect he’s having on you.

You stand with your mouth open as he walks off like he didn't just do that. The flames on the burner get bigger once again and you turn it off. You grab the roll of paper towels and start to clean.

The faint touch of Logan's thumb still on your mind.

3. In the garage

After your kitchen disaster you found yourself wandering the mansion instead. It had been a couple weeks but you decided to avoid the kitchen for now. Now you had too much free time on your hands. That's how you ended up here, in the garage. Except this time it was you who found Logan. He was working on his motorcycle. Shirtless. Okay that's totally normal right? You think to yourself as you sit and watch.

"When did you learn how to ride?" You ask as you watch him screw in something to somewhere, you don't know too much about motorcycles.

"Long time ago." He answers gruffly as he wipes his forehead with a rag.

"Like ten, twenty, a million years ago?" Logan chuckles and stands up. Your eyes trace the veins on his arms as he puts his hands on his hips.

"More like a hundred." He sits on his bike and turns it on. He's double checking everything and notices you looking in awe.

"You ever ridden before?" He asks and you shake your head.

"Alright then come here." He gestures for you to get on and you perk up. He gets off and holds the handle bars, letting you get on. You're extra careful. This bike looked expensive and Logan had just spent hours working on it. The last thing you wanted to do was jinx things. Again.

"Woah." You giggle as you run your hands along the smooth metal.

"So you put one foot here and the other stays on the floor." He guides you gently and you do as he says. You place your hands next to his on the handlebars.

"When I was a kid I this bike. It was purple with a basket in the front." You tell him. You loved that bike. Rode it whenever you could. You had the bruises to prove it from the amount of times you fell off.

"I rode it into a bush once. Got these bumps all over my skin." Logan takes his hands off the bike leaving just you holding it up.

"Well it's no purple bike, but I can take you on a ride one day. There's this diner about twenty minute away if you’re interested.” He offers. You grin and tighten your grip on the handles.

"Sounds like you're asking me on a date." You say boldly.

Before Logan could say anything there's a loud bang. Backfire from something but it scares the hell out of you. Without thinking you heat up the bike and jump off of it. Logan tries to grab it but the handles burn his hand. You watch in horror as it falls on its side. You try to stop it but it only ends up landing on your foot.

"Fuck!" You grab your foot as pain shoots through your body. That thing is heavy. Logan clutches his hand for a second before the burn heals. He picks up the bike and kicks the stand open so it can stay up on its own. Your eyes brim with tears when you see the dirty and scratches that have ruined the newly cleaned shiny metal.

"Logan I'm so sorry." He sighs and walks over to you.

"Your foot okay?" It hurts but it's not broken. You try to set it down but you can't. The pain is too much. You try to hide it but he sees right through you.

"Let's get you to the lab." You try to protest but he doesn't listen. Helping you out of the garage and to the lab. Ignoring the fact that you just caused him even more trouble. As you get patched up he leaves. You hang your head low as you think of a way to make it up to him.

Later that night Logan can't sleep. The nightmares don’t let him. So he makes his way back down to the garage. He needs to start over on fixing his bike anyways. As he approaches the door be notices the lights already on. To his surprise he finds you there. Fast asleep with your head on a chair.

You're body is uncomfortably kneeling on the ground. Your foot is wrapped and there's crutches leaning against the wall. There's rags and wax sitting by your side and his bike looks brand new. He kneels down and shakes you awake.

"Hey there sweetheart." He says as you open your eyes.

You mumble something incoherent and shut your eyes. Logan bends down and picks you up in his arms. He carries you back to your bed laying a blanket over you as you melt into your pillows. He elevates your foot before he leaves. People may call you a Jinx but you've got a heart of gold. He goes back to the garage and cleans up everything, making a mental note to take you on that date when you're foot is better.

4. Ice Skating

It took a month for your foot to finally heal up. Broken no, fractured, yes. It was a pain trying to get around on crutches but Logan ended being your own personal transportation. He would help you get down the stairs, reach the high shelf, drive you to the store. Whatever you needed he was there.

He even took you to that diner. Sharing a milkshake and cheese fries. He looked past your nickname, sure he called you Jinx but when he did it felt sweeter. He had seen your unluckiness first hand and yet he still chooses to be by your side. It was all you ever wanted.

Sure you had friends at the mansion but you could tell they thought of you as a small burden, a nuisance. They were still kind to you but you always saw their faces when something went wrong. With Logan there was none of that. He embraced every part of you. Now with your foot all healed and the winter starting to settle over the mansion you were all clear for winter activities.

Your favorite one being ice skating. A large pond was the perfect place for you and some of the kids to go. Logan had tagged along but only did so because you begged him to go. Pretty please with a cherry on top was enough to get him to chaperone.

You skated along with some of the kids. Others had set up an ice hockey game. It was pure childhood joy. Something that these kids didn't get all the time. Logan was sitting on a bench by the edge of the pond just watching. You skated over and put your hands on your hips.

"Come on Logan, you can't just come to the lake and not skate." You whine. He raises an eyebrow and stays put on that bench.

"I don't do skating sweetheart, or lakes."

"Ten minutes, just ten minutes and I'll leave you alone." You pout and clasp your hands together. He stares at you for a moment before relenting.

"Fine." You let out a happy cheer as he laces up the pair of skates you got for him. You hold out your hands as Logan struggles to balance on the skates.

"See, you're a natural." Logan wobbles and lets out a string of curses as he tries to walk on ice.

"Shut up." He says with no bite in his voice.

Your fingers interlock with his hand as you start slow. This was hell for Logan but seeing your smile made it worth it. You skate around the lake with him, laughing when he glares at the kids who laugh at him. Seeing him so out of his element was funny.

"Okay that's it I'm done." He grunts out as you come to a stop near the middle of the lake.

"Thank you for trying." You know he's not really having fun but it meant a lot he was willing to even get on the ice for you.

"Teacher! Jinx!" A loud cry comes from the kids. You gasp as you notice the ice starting to crack. You made sure the ice was thick enough. You triple checked how could this be happening. You see Logan start to panic so you take action.

"Everyone stay calm!" You yell out.

"If you can make it off now then do it. If you're too far away then I need you to get on your stomach and spread your legs out. Then slowly crawl to the edge. Anyone who is off the lake help pull others to safety." You stay as calm as you can as you make sure everyone is safe. To your relief the ice stays intact as the kids make it off. Now it's just you and Logan. There's fear in his eyes as the cracking gets louder.

"We need to do the same thing Logan. It's going to be okay." The two of you get onto your stomachs and army crawl towards the edge. A student with super speed has already gone to get help thank goodness.

"Fuck." Logan panics as the ice starts to give way. You grab his hand as he starts to freeze.

"It's okay it's okay." You're close to the edge but not close enough.

You yelp as the ice breaks and both of you plunge into the water. You try to keep your grip onto Logan but he's sinking fast. The water is bringing back horrible, horrible memories as he struggles to breathe. Your head barely bobs above the surface as you see familiar faces running towards you.

Water fills your lungs as you scream when Logan's claws nick your arm. He plunges them into the dirt. Trying to pull himself up and out. Your body is becoming numb and every movement hurts. A pair of hands drag you out of the water. You cough violently as you grip onto the frozen grass. Trying to catch your breath. Logan's eyes are wide as he does the same.

"Are you okay?" You reach out to him but he snaps.

"Don't touch me!" He snarls and your heart plummets. His eyes are unfamiliar as his teeth bare like an animal. For the first time since you've met him he's angry with you. Really fucking angry.

"I'm sorry I..."

"I'm sorry Logan, I didn't mean to scratch your bike, I didn't mean to explode the fucking soup. Is that all you can say?!" He shoves off the people trying to help and stands up. His face cold and unforgiving as he looks down on your shivering body.

"You really are a fucking Jinx." You let out a sob as Logan walks away.

A fluffy blanket feels like ice against your skin as you're ushered back to the mansion. You hear Storm trying to talk to you but everything sounds like white noise. Your heart is stomped and crushed right in front of your eyes and you can't even blame him.

You're nothing but bad luck.

5. On a mission

There's no more accidents around the mansion anymore. Probably because you've locked yourself away since the ice skating incident. With the school on a break you didn't need to teach so all you did was stay in your room. Only leaving in the dead of night.

You just couldn't face the mansion anymore. You were embarrassed, upset, and heartbroken. Logan was supposed to be different. You wanted things to be different with him but apparently the universe decided you can have nothing good. It was only a matter of time before he saw the truth. His words repeat in your head over and over.

The anger, the fear. You caused that. Students and teachers alike would stop by your door but no one could get you out of your room. Sometimes you swear you hear the sound of his boots outside of your door. But he just stands there and then he leaves.

You can't cause any more problems if you stay here. Only issues for yourself and that's okay. Professor Xavier would pop into your head every now and then just to check up on you but this time what he needed was urgent.

The moment you walked through his office doors you could feel everyone's eyes on you. Especially a certain someone's who’s brooding in the corner of the room. Even with everyone here he's just overwhelming. You keep yours forward, not sparing a glance to him or to anyone.

"Thank you for joining us." Charles smiles warmly.

Apparently there's a mission and they need your help. Why they would send you out there you don't know. The targets had a fire mutant too and the best way to fight fire is with, well with more fire. The moment you stepped on the jet you could feel the nerves.

Everyone was worried something would go wrong with you around. Keeping your eyes glued to the ground you take a seat as far away from everyone as possible. Counting your fingers over and over as you wait to land. Someone makes there way over to you, their boots are oh so familiar.

"Hey." You look up to see Logan. He's holding onto the seat next to you for dear life.

"Don't worry I'm not gonna touch anything." You mumble as you try and somehow make yourself smaller.

"Listen I just wanted to talk." The plane jolts and Logan slams his fist against the wall. He freezes up again, fear creeping up onto his face. Just like on that frozen lake.

"We're hitting some turbulence. Logan you need to sit down." Scott commands.

Logan's lips turn into a growl but he sits down anyway. His hands clutching the armrests of the chair. Apart of you wants to go and comfort him but you would probably just make things worse. So you close your eyes and wait for it to be over. The turbulence calms and eventually the jet lands with everything and everyone unharmed.

The goal was to shutdown a group of mutant hunters and rescue their victims. The worst part was they had mutants on their side too. Good money you guessed. It shouldn't be too hard of a mission but knowing yourself anything could go wrong. You followed the team in, fighting with everything you had.

Logan had stuck by your side since you got here. Keeping his distance but always watching you. His super senses and metal claws made him their number one target. Suppress the Wolverine. They were no match for him though. But Logan's focus seemed to wane as they sent more people after him. A mutant who could make copies of himself did their best to confuse and take Logan down.

"Watch out!" You shout and Logan dodges another attack.

However you get shoved to the ground before you can say anything else. You send a blast of fire at your attacker but they wave it off. So this is the other mutant. The two of you become locked in combat. Fire meeting fire with no clear winner. It isn't until Jean’s voice shouts through your comms that you find the upper hand. They had found the kids and were bringing them back to the ship. It was a losing battle and you think the hunters were staring to realize that. Calling for a retreat.

You can't let them get away. If they get away then all of this is for nothing. They'll rebuild, they'll hurt more people. You notice a gas tank nearby by their vehicle. You were always good at making things explode. Usually on accident but fuck it, might as well try on purpose now.

"Get to safety and get out of here!" You run past the team as you chase after the retreating foes.

"Where the hell are you going?!" Logan calls as he helps a kid get onto the jet.

You ignore him, running as fast as you can. Just one big blast should get that thing exploding. God this was so stupid but its the only thing you can think of. You fucked up the door, you made a mess of the kitchen, you hurt Logan. All you do is ruin things. You're a Jinx and for once you can try and do something good. Even if it kills you.

As the car starts to drive past you channel all your power and launch it at the gas tank. For a second its like everything is in slow motion. You hear Logan roar, turning back only to see him running towards you. Suddenly everything gets really hot and then.

Nothing.

In the medbay

The first thing you feel when you can finally feel things again was how uncomfortable you were. An itchy blanket, itchy arms. Your back hurt and your head was killing you. When you opened your eyes all you see are the bandages wrapped around your arms and legs.

There were cards and flowers sitting on your bedside table and to your left was Logan. He's got his feet up on your bed and he was squished into a chair. His head bowed and his arms crossed. You try to sit up but start to wheeze. The heart monitor starts to beep wildly and Logan jolts awake.

"Sit back down." He pushes you back onto the bed and you try and breathe. After a little bit your heart rate steadies and Logan seems to calm down.

"What happened?" You ask and Logan clenches his jaw.

"You blew yourself up that's what fucking happened." Your memories were slowly getting pieced together.

"I blew up the gas tank. I wanted to stop them from escaping." You say as you recount what led you to the hospital bed.

"Well you stopped them and then almost killed yourself in the process. You had severe burns, a concussion, you were bleeding everywhere. I picked you up in my arms and you were coated in blood." He growls.

The words I'm sorry almost fall out of your mouth but you remember what Logan said that day on the lake. If you're being honest you aren't sorry either. You did what you thought you had to do.

"I'm a Jinx Logan. You said it yourself. I used my destruction to help this time." Logan winces when you remind him of his harsh words.

He wasn't in the right state of mind when he said them. Flashbacks of drowning, of the pain he went through. Being submerged in water and sinking were usually the scenes of his nightmares and for it to happen in real life. It was awful. But that doesn't change the fact he lashed out, he hurt you.

"I was wrong. I shouldn't have said that." Logan gently brushes the bandages on your arms. The scar from when he cut your arm in the lake peeks out from your bandages. He let his fear get the best of him in the water.

"I've hurt a lot of people, sometimes on purpose. Sometimes on accident.” His eyes never leaving your scar. “You’re not a Jinx. You’re perfect.”

"I still make a mess." Logan cups your face and studies a stitched up wound on your forehead.

God when that gas tank exploded. Even he was blown back by the force. He ran to your still body. Ash and pieces of metal were scattered across the field. You're lucky you didn't get fucking impaled. Your body was limp. Dirt and blood caked your face so much that he couldn't tell where you were hurt.

He carried you back to the jet, your blood staining his suit as he laid you down. He listened for your heartbeat for a second he swore it stopped. The longest second of his life as he waited to hear that soft beating.

"Why are you still here?" You just don't understand. How he can be sitting here after everything you've done. All the problems you caused.

"A little mess isn't gonna scare me sweetheart, I like your mess. I like you." He tilts your chin up and kisses you. You're taken by surprise but it's certainly welcome as your eyes flutter closed.

The heart rate monitor starts to beep faster as Logan leans over you. Your fingers rake through his hair as you pull him closer. Logan's grip tightens on the hospital bed railing. He's too lost in the taste of your lips to notice. You tug on his hair and his claws shoot out, cutting one of your IV wires.

A loud beeping blares through the room as Logan jumps back from you. You cover your mouth and laugh. Not even in your sweetest moments can you catch a break. Logan sheaths his claws and shakes his head in disbelief, joining in your laughter.

Jean rushes in with a panicked look on your face. It morphs into confusion when she sees the two of you laughing as your IV drips to the ground. She quickly fixes your IV and gives both of you a scolding for not letting anyone know you were awake.

"Keep your hands and claws to yourself. I'll be back later Jinx." She eyes Logan who puts his hands up. Smirking at you as she leaves.

"You know we could call you something else." Logan suggests. You think for a while before shaking your head.

"I think I like it." It reminds you of your faults yes but this has something that's followed you for the longest time.

You supposedly bring bad luck but you can try and counteract it every day by doing something nice. Plus maybe with Logan your luck might turn around. Maybe. As long as you steer clear of any lakes.

"Alright, but I think sweetheart has a nice ring to it." He says with a grin.

"Oh you want everyone to call me sweetheart?" You tease. Logan leans over and kisses you again.

"No. Only I get to call you that." Bad luck you may bring but Logan doesn't care.

You're a Jinx but you're his jinx and he loves every part of you. The good and the bad. So what's a little bad luck? If it means he gets to be yours then he'd happily be your lucky charm for the rest of your lives.

[scoutswritingcorner]

hi!! i saw your angel dust headcannons for a small cold reader and was possibly hoping i can request some angel dust comfort? my family’s been giving me a rough time lately and i just can’t seem to escape them :( i just want some fluffy spider cuddles (and mayhaps a raccoon demon reader 👀 it’s not needed it was just a funny little detail to add lol)

The Best Way To Comfort

Angel Dust x Male Raccoon Demon Reader

A/N: Hihi Anon! You’re request was so fucking adorable and I hope everything gets better my friend! Hope this brings a smile to your face and I was writing this with a Raccoon Demon reader in my mind!!

-🕷️ As soon as he sees you upset Angel is scooping you up in his arms and hugging you close. If you don’t want to talk to him about it, he won’t pressure you. He understands being closed off and unresponsive. But if you want to talk? He’s all ears baby. If you start crying, he wipes your tears away and kisses your forehead.

-🩷 Best cuddler around, he’s got all those arms for a reason and holding you against him is the best use of those arms second best to holding your hand. He also loves your ears and little bushy racoon tail (and how you're always grabbing things ya’ little thief-). His eyes widen in surprise if you allow him to touch your ears and tail. 

-🕷️ He adores how short you are compared to him and will pick you up at random. Do not get me started if you start making those chittering raccoon noises, he will laugh and kiss your face. He thinks it’s down right adorable.

-🩷 This straight up became talking about raccoon things you do BUT- Some nights he wakes up to see you skulking around and if you get caught you freeze before slowly reaching for whatever you wanted. He finds it adorable but you are disrupting his beauty sleep and he will pick you up to bring back to bed, he’s not afraid of your growls and hissing.

-🕷️ Back to cuddles, laying your head on his chest floof and falling asleep with Fat Nuggets in your arms is a 100% chance of him snapping some pictures. His phone background is a picture of you having fallen asleep in a weird place and his lockscreen is of you and him at a bar.

-🩷 Sometimes when he can’t find Fat Nuggets around and he starts to freak out, he just lifts up your tail and finds the little piglet dead asleep curled up. This mostly happens when he comes home super late from work and finds you still awake but focused on something else. 

-🕷️ Kisses? Are a must, he loves kissing you. Bending down and kissing you, picking you up and kissing you. That one time where you literally climbed your own boyfriend and kissed him. He loves it and the ways he can kiss you are endless. 

-🩷 One time you were clinging to his back and he forgot about you for a moment and literally went looking around the hotel for you. He was in tears by the time Charlie brought it up and after that? He was embarrassed and won’t talk to anyone for an hour.

-🕷️Also can we talk about how caring he is? Like if you need to take medication? He’s set an alarm on your phone and he will text you as another reminder. Even when he’s on set, he has a personalized alarm for himself so he won’t forget either. Need help reaching something while you cook or want a snack that Alastor hides from you? It’s already in his hands.

-🩷 Angel Dust loves you so much and wants the best for you. For him? You’re the best thing that has happened in a very very long time and he doesn’t want to lose you. Not that he will, you got your little thieving fingers around his heart and you’re not letting go of your greatest treasure.

[karlachismylife]

Love this blog you will find me rummaging through your writing like a raccoon in a trash can muwah

Oooh raccoon spottings!! Only the juiciest trash for you, fluffy comrade. This blog loves you back! Since I have been reblogging and doing ask replies a lot lately, feel free to use the masterlist, it's more or less full, only some little things get left in the "juju's grumbles" or "juju's replies" tags. But I reblog a lot of amazing creators, authors, writers and artists, so I do recommend scrolling and checking them out too!!!

And here, have some task force 141 discovering a raccoon in their home headcanons. I even went and found @thecutestgrotto 's raccoon dividers because how could I not, really.

Ghost hears rustling and is immediately on high alert. You're not home, and he would've recognized you regardless of how well you try to be sneaky, so this means there's an intruder. And this intruder chose a home with the scariest guard dog of them all.

Simon is stealth itself as he reaches for his tacticle knives. He could've gone for the gun, but that's too much noise and unwanted attention, would be better if no one knew he has it, since it's for emergencies. And for now this doesn't seem like an emergency, because you're not in danger and it seems like whoever broke in is slow, alone and not very confident in what they're doing.

As Simon stalks through the dark hall towards the back door where he heard the noise, he also realizes - that intruder is small. Could it be a kid? Stupid teenager breaking and entering for a bet? Or someone young and troubled to the point of desperately needing any sourse of cash? Or maybe it's a little one that got lost and just stumbled into someone's home in search of help? By the time Ghost actually reaches the now quiet room, he's already thinking he's going to be giving a stern talking, not a beating.

And then he finally turns the lights on, ready to pounce, and sees a dark fat blob frozen under a chair, beady black eyes staring at what poor racoon can only assume to be the apex predator.

"Bloody hell, where did ya come from, ya trash rat?" He's already assessed the room and made sure it was nothing more than the raccoon, so he sheaths the knife and crouches with a grunt, trying to grab the bugger by its scruff and shove him out of the door - it must've been the cat flap that let it inside. The raccoon, however, finally bolts. But not back to where it came from, no; it buries intself under the kitchen counter next. "Come back ya fookin' vermin, this ain't your hose, get the fuck outta here, bloody Zorro!"

When you finally come home, you're met with a sweaty, grumpy Simon with an icepack on his head, furniture moved around and traces of a proper chase scene. And a raccoon squished between the wall and the couch, nervously fidgeting with the mophead that somehow ended up there without a handle attached.

"Did you even try to lure him out with treats?" - "Fat bastart snatched a whole packet of nuts and bolted. Your turn now."

Price is having some fresh air outside, also known as lounging in a garden chair with his cigar, a pint and a nice book, early in the morning. He actually wasn't expecting to wake up this early, but he just recently got from a long deployment, so his sleep is messed up. Knowing he won't be able to fall back sleep, he decided not to disturb your own sleep, put on his big robe and went to catch sunrise beams. It's a little chilly, big droplets decorating all the greens and pinks of the garden - and the rising sun only makes the flowers look even more rosy as the tiny water diamonds sine and sparkle.

Bird song gets interrupted by snoring really quickly - the peace and serenity of morning garden, everything planted together with you and well taken care of, works on John like a lullaby, and he dozes off peacefully, his cigar snuffed out by a timin breeze, book flat on his chest and his hat slowly sliding down onto his eyes, protecting them from the sunlight. He's sleeping so soundly, even his snores aren't that loud, so the nature just accepts him as a part of the ever-changing landscape for today. Insects landing on him, searching for food and moving on without as much as tickling him. Wet grass sticking to his garden slippers and slowly drying of like that. Little midges getting stuck in his beard, poor thrashing creatures.

There's also someone bigger traversing the morning grounds, returning from the long night of searching for food. Not so stealthy under the sun, a dark shadow trots along the lush rose bushes that provide nice cover still. The hunt must've been not too successful, furry tummy still hungry and big tail dragging defeatedly.

But there's something new in this garden, something that wasn't there the previous day. And it brought something to put on the garden table - where food is often put. That's something worth investigatig, right?

When it turns out the little plate and big glass on the table only have something truly yucky in them (she checked really well), she has no other choice but to look in the chair. Good thing she has some help to recruit.

That's what explains the picture you see, once you wake up and go to look for your husband sleepily, only to find him snoring peacefully with a hat on his face and a whole family of raccoons rummaging through the pockets of his bathrobe and trying to climb up his hairy leg to see what's under the loosely tied belt.

There's raccoon infestation problem in your backyard. Well, it's not a real infestation, you already know that it's just one quite skinny and hungry-looking raccoon coming to rummage through your trash, scattering it around. Even when you stop putting it out, that poor critter keeps coming, bringing dirt onto your porch and sometimes even digging under your plants. You don't want to hurt the animal that's clearly just looking for food, so after some time you just give up and ask Gaz to deal with it.

You married him for his smarts too, you know, he should be able to think of something.

He obviously agrees, gives you a reassuring kiss on your temple and beams with pride just from knowing you think of him being capable to deal with any problem you have, because that's exactly what he's there for, he tells you. And he's confident he can do it, honestly, he has dealt with terrorists and complicated mechanisms, a starving shabby raccoon can't possibly be harder to deal with. You trust that confidence, you trust your husband, so you just leave him to it and forget about the problem.

Weeks pass without any real disturbance - at some point Kyles starts putting the trash outside again, and since it's not getting scattered all over the porch and garden again, you figure he has chased the raccoon away successfully. You would actually like to know how and thank him properly, but since he's still not mentioning it, you decide that he's still testing the results and will come report like a good boy once he's sure that little striped tail won't show up anymore.

You don't even put two and two together when one day, quite early in the morning, Kyle wakes you up with hot kisses behind your ear.

"Hey, angel. Sorry to wake you up, I jus' wanna show ya something. Let me carry you, a'right?" As soon as you stir, still warm and soft, eyes barely able to flutter open, he shushes you and stops you from getting from under the blanket. With a kiss on every eyelid, you get wrapped up in a blanket burrito and curl up in Kyle's arms, sleepy head resting on his shoulder as he carries you over to the door.

He places you on the porch rocking chair carefully, sealing the blanket around our feet so the cool morning air won't bite your toes, and crouches down next to you silently. Still half asleep, you can't even tell whether you wait for long or not, but your eyes try to close back, when suddenly something catches your attention.

It's the slightly more rounded raccoon - still same pattern on his tail, though - trotting directly to your porch with purpose in his stride. You blink, unsure what you're looking at, when that little buddy stops in front of the steps and looks at Kyle, who gives him a nod. Swiftly, the raccoon runs up the stairs and approaches the trash can. carefully, he slides off the lid with its tiny hands, and rummages inside. Just a single wrapper falls out of the whole bunch of things.

Once the raccoon finds some scraps he's been looking for and munches on them, he sniffs around, finds that wrapper and puts it back into the trash can. Then turns back to Kyle, who has a hard time hiding his sly grin as he looks at you, now completely awake and wide-eyes, from the corner of his eyes.

"Nope." Kyle makes an arching gesture with his palm. And the raccoon listens to him, turning to the trash can again and pulling the covering lid back over it. Only then he gets an approving nod from your husband, and just like that, leaves.

There's a moment of silence between you two as you watch that grey shadow disappear under the fence to your neighbours.

"Kyle, did you actually train a raccoon to throw its trash away?.."

You get a feeling when you push your key into the lock and open the door.

It's inexplainable, intuitive, gut feeling that you can't really put a finger on. Something's not right, but it's not the spooky dangerous "not right" like if you found your entrance wide open. No, it's a gnawing suspicion, an anticipation you get, trying to warn you something happened at home while you were away. Same feeling dog owners get when they're not being greeted by eagerly jumping pups because someone has chewed the owner's best pair of shoes up of broke their favourite vase.

Taking into consideration that you're living with John Soap MacTavish, it's either that or he's preparing to prank you.

But no, the TV's on and you hear distinct sounds of snacks being downed by one Scottish specimen, a glass or a bowl clinking from being touched by his clumsy big fingers, so he's not hiding behind the corner to jump at you. The apartment doesn't look trashed too, no hastly wiped blood splatters on the floor, no sight of ambulance or the police at the entrance into the apartment building. Looks like Johnny did't touch his street clothes or shoes either, so he probably didn't run out to throw away evidence like that one time when he forgot he started cooking something with caramel and had to throw away the whole pot.

Everything seems normal. Just your husband being so engolfed by Pocahontas that he doesn't hear you rustling with yout clothes and jiggling keys at the entrance, otherwise he would run out with crumbs of whatever it is he's snacking on in the corners of his mouth and grab you as he always does, spinning you around and looking like his whole life just regained its meaning because you're finally...

Wait. Since when is Johnny a Disney princess fan?

Last time you checked, the only one he approved off was Mulan, even Brave falling under critisism for historical inaccuracies he took too close to heart.

Carefully and sneakily, you tiptoe into the sitting room, going back and forth on whether to spook him as a revenge for the last time or not, but before you can decide, you get noticed.

There's a beat of silence between you, stuck in a creeping pose, Johnny with his hand still in a bowl of little apple slices, and a raccoon. Also sitting with a half-eaten apple slice in front of a slightly mudded water bowl. On the couch. In your living room.

"Soap."

Two pairs of eyes blink at you.

"MacTavish."

He slowly retracts his hand from the bowl and licks his lips, There's apple juice staining his stubble.

"Johnny. What the fuck is a raccoon doing sitting on the couch."

"We're hanging oot."

The raccoon finally moves and shoves the apple slice into its mouth, chewing juicily and reaching its paws in a asking manner. Distracted by that, Soap turns back to the critter and fishes a new slice out of the bowl, which the raccoon immediately snatches from your husband's hand and dips into the water bowl before crunching in the fruit.

"Johnny. Where did you find it."

"They just climbed oanto th' balcony!"

"Johnny, we're living on the 15th floor, how did it-" - "Nae "it", bonnie, 's "they". Ah asked. And their name's Rob Roy."

You fall silent again, watching Johnny hover protectively over the bloody non-binary raccoon. You wouldn't believe the balcony story, but Soap clearly looks like he hasn't left the apartment since you went out.

"It... they probably are someone's pet, Johnny. That ran away. Did you check? Ask around?"

"Ah did." He pouts at you as if he's offended you even doubt his ability to think of such logical solution. "Thay're nae. Jus' chose us, bonnie."

You feel your heard stutter at the implication behind those words and shake your head, pointing at the fiends on your couch.

"No-no-no, John MacTavish, we are not keeping that bloody thing. If it's a wild animal, it doesn't belong in an apartment! We weren't even ready for a cat, what raccoon, Johnny, the fuck you think it will-"

"But thay're cute! Look at 'em, bonnie! Ye wanna throw poor bastart away to starve and freeze tae death?!"

You and Rob Roy make similar pained sounds when Johnny grabs that fat fucker and shoves them into your face. Yeah, the raccoon is cute as hell.

It's Johnny's puppy eyes that do you in, though.

[banquetwriter]

୨୧ stupid expensive couch ୨୧

pairing: rookie!Leon Kennedy ♡︎fem + AFAB!Reader

warnings: ୭̥⋆*｡, not proof read, smut, feeling of abandonment, implied non aftercare, crying after sex (lol), just so much smut lmg

summary: ʚ after hooking up with your best friend once, you two have to finally admit your feelings ɞ

words: 5019

AN: This is a very OOC representation of rookie leon just leave me alone <3, HEAVILY inspired by this audio :>also consent is not specifically asked for in this fic however it’s implied reader and leon have hooked up before and consent and boundaries were set then, neither party was taken advantage of!!

⤾·˚ ༘ ◡̈ ⤾·˚ ༘ ◡̈

“Leon, why aren’t you eating more of your going-away cake?” you mumble through the sheer fullness you felt. Leon's face flushed red from the alcohol, he shakes his head furiously “You can’t keep feeding me this stuff! It has so much sugar in it I swear!” Leon commented pointing to it. “What? Scared you're gonna get fat and they're gonna turn you away at the door? You have to be fit to be a policeman you know.” you mumble, taking yet another sip of your drink. The alcohol seemingly scratches your throat on the way down. “Mmm fuck.” you mumble setting your drink down. 

Leon gives you a fake and dramatic scoff, “I'm not gonna get fat from some horrible “cheese-cake” he mumbles with air quotes. “Hey, what's with the quotes?” you ask, biting your lip slightly and tracing the rim of your glass. “This isn’t cheesecake, y/n! It’s just candy!” he tells you leaning back on your couch. 

Ugh, the couch, your boyfriend- well… ex-boyfriend bought it. It was always the same with you, going after guys who never usually meant much to you. It’s not like you wanted to use them, you just wanted to fall in love! In love with anybody else except for Leon, your best friend in the whole wide world. 

Your best friend was moving to fucking Racoon City for fucks sake. “Whatever Leon, how are you feeling?” you ask through a small giggle, tilting your head to the side. Leon looks up at you, his eyes slowly filling with thoughts. That's always something you have known about him, as expressionless as his face tends to be; you can always see in his eyes what's wrong. Your eye contact only holds for a moment before he looks down at the base of your coffee table. 

He lets out a deep sigh before looking up again, this time not at you. You could see it, he was searching for words. “I'm nervous I mean, they tell me to stay away from the place the week I'm about to start? What does that mean? I’ve already looked it up but I can't find anything online about it.” he rambles, standing up. 

The alcohol must have hit him… you let out a small giggle. “I meant the drinks, Leon,” you say eyes following his pacing. “Oh… well fine then. I’m barely even buzzed,” he says walking back over to the couch and sitting down. You smile looking down, Leon lets out a borderline pornographic moan as he lays back on the couch. “My god Leon!” you exclaim looking at him. 

He lets out a toothy grin, “Hey this couch is very comfortable… are you still paying this thing off?” He asks, sitting back up again, reaching for his drink. You open your mouth to tell him that you did not pay a penny for it and instead your ex-’boyfriend’ bought it for you because he was *going* to move in before you broke up with him. 

Leon doesn’t let you get a word out though, he moves the cup down from his lips and swallows. “Oh wait I forgot your boyfriend bought it for you heh, you little couch princess,” he mumbles the last part into the cup before drinking again. Ah Leon, ever the flirt. “No Leon I didn’t pay for the couch and me and *him* broke up,” you say avoiding his eyes and taking a swig yourself. This was not going to be an easy conversation. 

“Oh..” Leon's voice was quiet as he looked down at the table. No matter how drunk or unexpressive he may be, it was clear to you the disappointment and regret on his face. Your stomach suddenly swirled, maybe you shouldn't have eaten so much of that cheesecake and then used it to soak up alcohol. You quickly set the glass down nervously rubbing your sides. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t know.” He mumbles, gesturing with his hands. “It’s ok Leon, honestly it's been a few months,” you confess, looking at him. You can feel a small anger bubble in him. “Fuck really? You wanna talk about it?” he asks scooting ever so closely. Your heart falls as he shifts forwards. Fuck you thought, booze was liquid confidence. You were feeling very confident, just dizzy. 

“No, not really,” you mumble feeling the heat from his body. He was so warm… I mean in a heated apartment in jeans and a sweatshirt… plus he was probably drunk right now. “You care, Leon?” you ask, a small amount of surprise seeps up through your throat and into your words. His eyebrows furrow. “Yes of course I fucking care. I mean it makes sense you two broke up I mean fuck it's getting pretty late, there are drinks and well he isn’t here you know? I wouldn't be comfortable letting you go have drinks with another guy late at night if we were dating.” he says, moving his elbows to his mid-thighs and using his hands to talk. 

He doesn’t seem to know what he is saying. You two dating, god it sounds like a bad nightmare being desperately in love with your best friend and him joking about dating you. You're not sure what to say, your mouth is drying up. “You couldn't have told me this when we called the other week?” he asks, getting loud. Fuck, no not the calls. The calls you two would spend together with each other for hours, desperately flirting with him even when you were ‘dating’ someone. 

Again you go to open your mouth but just like on the calls you can’t bring yourself to say anything, it would ruin it all. “I knew you weren’t doing in a good place but fuck y/n you don’t tell me anything anymore. I know what you said ok, about us being different after we did what we did but I thought we were still best friends!” he rambles, his alcohol fueling his anger. A raging fire that's been there for some time. 

‘After we did what we did’ are words you never wanted to hear tonight. It hadn't been your fault entirely; it takes two people to tango. But taking your best friend's virginity and then leaving before he even fell asleep after… you felt sick. You hadn't meant for it to happen, you didn’t want it to go down the way it did. You were barely giving him anything as he is near crying from happiness… The L bomb nearly slipped out. 

The memories from that night flooding back to you. Your drunk brain is finally losing the internal battle you fought with yourself. Finally pulling him in for a kiss. Telling him that it would change us. It didn’t seem to matter to him though. It was disappointing, for both of you… You only had the guts to go so far before you backed out.

Jerking him off then telling him you couldn't deal with anymore that night, letting him lay down, and then leaving him in that stupid hotel. You swallowed thickly being brought back to the present. A not-so-innocent Leon looking back at you. “Leon I-” you finally started your voice shaky, “No don’t ‘Leon’ me! Why don’t you tell me anything anymore? For Christ's sake, I didn’t even know you had broken up with your boyfriend. I know that dress y/n… when you get sad you buy things, for yourself or your apartment. If you bought something new you would have worn it tonight, for me but you didn’t. You’re wearing that fucking dress…” he points to you, you look down really it wasn’t anything bold. Very simple in fact. Just a tight black dress with a red streak on the side.

Your face heated up. God, he knew you so well. “I knew something was wrong because I saw all your new apartment decorations y/n, I saw them on the call ok? You would never normally buy this shit. I knew you were struggling and I couldn't bear to ask you if you were ok because I already knew the answer to that question. If I had asked you that question,” he leaned in forward. His breath was laced with sweets and liquor… “You would have lied and told me you were doing fine,” he says almost out of breath.

You were out of words watching him, he had stepped back now going back to his pacing. You bit your lip looking at him, he was waiting for you, To say something, anything you supposed. You couldn't keep disappointing him. “It’s always been the same for me, Leon! What else do you want to hear?” you question trying to ignore the sadness weighing on your chest. 

“Please talk to me y/n! You never talk anymore, you never tell me anything and it makes me wonder…” he starts and you can almost see tears in his eyes. “Wonder?” you ask. “Yes y/n wonder, do you ever talk about me anymore? I know we aren’t in school anymore but you still talk to people from school I know you do!” he almost shouts. God why? Why did he have to know you so well>

“Do you ever mention my name? Does anyone else mention my name? Ask how I am. What do you say y/n? Do you say ‘Oh Leon is doing great he is gonna be a cop!’ Is that what you say knowing you don’t know me anymore?” he asks chest heaving. Fuck he looked so pretty all worked up like this. You couldn't help but think about him like that. It’s how you got into this mess in the first place. 

The truth was you didn’t talk about him with anyone, no one except yourself. You couldn't bear it, saying anything about him that is. You would ruin things if you did. “Did you tell him about me? Your couch-buying boyfriend?” it was clear he was jealous as he always has been. He is a gentle person when he wants to be. Never telling you how when a guy would wrap his arms around you it made him sick. He never said it but you saw it in his eyes, you knew it was true. “Did you tell any of your ‘boyfriends’ about me? Huh? About how you fucked me?” he asks, his voice going quiet. 

His chest fell and rose. His anger flowed out of him. “Leon I’m so-” you try to stand up too, but again his eyes betray him. Guilt floods over his features. “No please I’m sorry I shouldn't have said all that, I know it’s not what you wanted to hear.” His voice was soft, unlike the borderline yelling from his a second ago. “You know I always promise myself I’m never gonna see you again, you know?” he asks, sitting down again. Your heart falls even deeper into your body. 

“I promise myself every time I leave here that this will be the last time. I will leave and never come back until you're marrying some stupid rich guy. Every time I see your name on my phone asking to call my heart fucking sinks. Because you have trapped me, and I can’t get out. I know that I can’t hold myself back when I see you. I will flirt and plead and beg for you even if you don’t see it. God I want you so fucking bad.” he mumbles, burying his face into his hands. 

Your heart is thumping. You're so scared, this is all you have ever wanted. Maybe you didn’t need to be so scared… “It always goes the same way for me, Leon,” you mumble, he peaks up at you moving his fingers from covering his eyes. Your head was spinning with nerves, your brain screaming at you not to tell him what you so desperately wanted to. Your heart was pleading for something else… and for the first time. You listened to your heart.

“I always fall for some stupid guy who turns out isn’t what I want so I freak out and break up with whoever it is. I never like the guys I date because, well I don't want to date them! I want to date you, so badly. No guy can ever replace you. And I’m so sorry I do this to you. This little cat-and-mouse game. I keep pulling you along for shit I know I shouldn't. I’m sorry for ever fucking you in the first place. I should have done it right… you looked so fucking perfect that night. You were just wanting to be loved by me and I screwed it all up. I got scared so I ran. It's what I always do.” you ramble letting your years-long feelings finally seep to the surface. 

Leon was still covering his face with his hands but you can tell by his dreamy eyes that he is happy. Of course, he is. “But I'm trapped too, I ran from you only to run right back. You never want to see me again because of the way I push and pull you.” you sit back down facing him finally. “Flirting with you because I can’t bear to let you go completely yet I can’t commit enough to be with you because I’m so scared. I would do anything to change that night, to give it my all, and love you the way you deserve. But I can’t go back. I can only try and fix what I have done now.” you had started crying. Your face is tear-stained. 

The room went silent minus your occasional sniffles and deep breaths. Leon slowly drops his hands from his face, a very big red blush dusting beautifully on his features. You give a small breathless chuckle licking your lips slightly. The silence seemed like it filled the room. A small tension sewing its way between the two of you. 

“Thank you. For uhh saying that. I thought about that night a lot since it happened. It felt like my dream was coming true but it wasn’t. Jesus, I even cried after you left. You must think I'm so pathetic.”  he mumbles wiping his hands on his face. Your face fell, “I don't think your pathetic Leon.” you say scooting next to him and grabbing his hands. 

His face looking at yours. “I'm so sorry for what I put you through, and you're very brave. I mean fuck, you want to risk your life to help others. You're Not pathetic for crying after I left. Ok?” you spoke in a hushed serious tone. That was a rare occurrence for you and Leon. He just smiled nodding slightly but you weren’t gonna have that. Your hand comes up to his jaw, “Ok?” you ask again, and he gives you a sheepish smile. “Yeah ok,” he mumbles, this Leon contrasted the one from earlier. He was mad or loud and he was happy. 

A tone seemed to have shifted between you too. “Do you think we should try that night over again?” you ask, letting your eye fall into a half-lidded pose. You lean towards him. His eyes widen ever so slightly, you could almost hear his heart rate increase. “What?” he asks. Oh how different this Leon was… so shy and cute. 

You smirk, pushing his arms over his head. You used the pressure your hands had to hoist yourself on his lap. “W-Hat are you doing? Why are you getting on my lap?” he whined, unconsciously bucking his hips as you slid onto him. “Shhh,” you whisper smirking, pressing your finger against his mouth. He gives you the most pathetic look staring up at you.  

You move your finger from his mouth, leaning down. Leon leaned forward, his lips meeting yours. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as a whine left his mouth. Your hand slowly moved to his neck squeezing it just a little. His hands found your hair entangling with his right hand while his left hand gripped your neck.

He was already getting worked up, his dick hardening underneath you. You moved back letting yourself catch your breath. “You told me you play a game of cat and mouse with me right?” he mumbled, biting his baby pink lips. “Good job listening,” you mumble in a condescending tone. Leon's eyes shift to an intense stare. 

“I wouldn't mind if we kept playing… you as the cat and me as the mouse?” he asks, his voice raising in pitch, batting his eyelashes. You smirk, “Yeah I think I can arrange that baby.” you say pushing yourself off of his lap and walking over into your room. Leon smirks watching you walk to your room. 

After a minute has passed you hear Leon’s voice from your living room. “What's taking so long?” you playfully roll your eyes. “Hold tight Leon!” you yell from, chuckling slightly. Leon shifts in his seat with anticipation. He couldn’t wait for whatever you had planned for him. He heard your soft patterns come out of your room and he turned his head. He saw you had a rope in your hand. “When the fuck did you get a rope?” he asks, looking at it. 

Your hand leaves the rope to land a smack across his face. Leon whimpers at the impact, “Fuck I’m sorry, you can tie me up.” he whines out bucking his hips. “Good boy,” you murmur, rubbing your hands against his face. “Can I get naked please?” he asks, trying to give you the most innocent eyes possible.

It seemed to have worked because you started pulling down his pants and boxers. He took this as a yes and took his shirt off. He was now completely bare sitting against the very comfortable couch. “Can I tie you up now?” you ask, admiring his body. “Fuck yeah you can, god I wanna be your whore so badly,” he whined. You raised your eyebrow at his enthusiasm. He put his hands behind his back for you. You push his head down exposing the back of his neck. 

You began tying his hands together and kissing his neck. “Ahh fuck.” he mumbles feeling the fibers burn his wrists. You fist a bit of the hair on the back of his pulling his head back up. You let your fingers trace over his thighs, moving slowly towards Leon’s almost completely rock-hard cock. It was flushed with pink and dripping with pre-cum. 

You leaned down kissing him again finally letting your hand glide up to his cock. Gripping the base of it, Leon moaned into your mouth. You moved your hand painfully slow up and down on his cock. “Fuck please…” he whimpered. You pulled away from him, “Please I need to see you too.” he whined out of breath. 

You pushed his shoulders back so he hit the couch. You slid the dress off your body revealing your entire body. You had decided against wearing panties. Leon’s eyes raked over you. “Fuck I should have known you wouldn’t wear any panties. You knew you were gonna fuck me huh?” he growled looking at you. 

You slapped him again, his blush matching the bright red color on the right side of his face he adored. “Fuuuck,” he mumbled, looking back at you. “Please let me see your fucking pussy.” he whined trying to buck his hips into the air, his cock slapping his tummy. “Yeah, you wanna see my pussy? Yeah?” you asked, leaning down to Leon who was rapidly shaking his head ‘yes’. “Please, please, please Mommy,” he begged, his face bright red.

You sat down right next to him, the pudge of your thighs touching his. You spread your legs apart. Leon gasping at your body. Your left hand moving back to his cock, your right hand moving to your clit. You moved both of your hands gathering your slick occasionally with your right hand. 

Leon was in heaven breathing rapidly watching you pleasure yourself while jerking him off. It was fucking beautiful but this isn’t how he wanted to cum. “Please, let me eat you out…” he whined looking at you. You slowed your ministrations. “You don't wanna cum?” you asked with feigned pity. “I do but..” he whined looking at your fingers knuckle deep in your pussy. “Fuck I want you to use me. I want you to cum first please, god I will do anything.” his voice was exasperated.

Sweat dripped down his face, his lips swollen, cock red and dripping with his arousal. You bite your lip looking at him. “Fuck please oh my god I want you to sit on my face so bad.” he damn near screamed struggling against his ropes and bucking into the air. “Beg,” you murmur. “Please Mommy, you have to let me eat you out. I know you want to come, please let me do it. Fuck! Please please please!!” he was screaming now.

Your hand slapped over his mouth, tears rolling down his cheeks onto your hand. “You can eat me out baby calm down.” you ensure, staring at your sobbing partner. Cue the rapid “Thank yous/ your so good/ use me’s” he was dripping with tears, sweat, and precum. You straddled his head holding just about his face. “Are you sure Le- baby? I don't wanna crush you,” you say, hand rubbing the side of his face. “I WANT you to crush me, sit down please!” he begs trying to lift his head to your aching cunt. 

You managed to keep his head down with your hand. “Ok baby if you're sure,” you murmur, you gently sit down. Your thighs smothering Leon’s face. You feel his tongue start moving in and out of your sopping cunt. You gasp feeling the burning pleasure slowly start building in your lower tummy.

“Leon- fuck.” you let out a whimper, white-knuckling the couch. You couldn't understand most of what Leon was screaming into your cunt but sounded a lot like. “Fuck fuck fuck! God your so cunt is so good. That's it ride my fucking face.” whatever he was saying was vibrating your clit making his tongue feel even better. 

You went to sit up to give him some room to breathe but that was a mistake. “What are you doing, please? Come back I need you to use me like a free-use whore, fuck!” he was screaming again. Next to thrashing around for your cunt again. 

Your hand landed on his cheek bringing him out of his tantrum. His pupils were blown, still gasping for breath. “You need to catch your breath before you get to eat me out again,” you warn. “I don't wanna breathe! Just fuck me!.” he growls. You bring your hand up to his throat squeezing. “Don't be mean you know you want to. I'm just a free dick and mouth for you. You and your beautiful body. I'm just here to please you. I’m just a fucking whore.” he whines at you, wrists burning from the rope. 

“I'm not letting you taste my cunt again, just for that,” you growl, which makes his head spin. He can’t even throw another fit before you make him lay down. “Of course you make me lie down, you know my hands are still tied so I can’t do anything. M just a lil free use toy for my mommy.” he was teasing you…

You straddle his dick, slowly sinking into him. He unintentionally bucks up, dick hitting your cervix. “Ah, fuck I’m sorry I didn't mean to do that.” Leon mumbles and for the first time tonight gave you an earnest look. “Heh, it's ok Leon don't worry. Are you doing ok? Need anything right now?” he was balls deep inside of you and you were asking if needed anything…

Leon could have sworn he would have come just then. “No- no I’m good!” he says adjusting his hips, cock somehow slipping deep inside you. “Good,” you mumble, and you began moving up and down on him. Your hands brought up to your tits groping them.

“You like watching me play with myself on you baby?” you ask, to which he can only feverishly nod ‘yes’. Words have escaped Leon, his edging from earlier coming back in tenfold. “M gonna cum.” he whimpers out in fear. “Don’t wait for me first ok?” you mumble, feeling the coil in your tummy tighten your cunt hungrily absorbing Leon’s cock. “Fuck!” he shouts, wrists almost bleeding from how hard he was pulling them.

Leon’s brain was going completely blank, his neurons only able to produce TV static. “Please momma, you can come on my cock I know you can, fuck! You're so beautiful I can’t take it anymore! Just come Mommy for me please!” Leon begs his voice almost whispering. 

“God your such a good fucking whore Leon,” you mumble, hands white knuckling the couch, bouncing your body up and down. Feeling your coil snap, cunt clenching around his cock. He clenches his jaw watching the most beautiful thing he has ever seen before in his life. Your eyes roll back with fever that makes him dizzy. 

Your head falls back beads of sweat dripping on your face and neck. Cunt swallowing up his dick. Fucking hell he was in heaven. Your orgasm dies down, as you ride yourself through it. You are only able to give Leon a little nod, and he lets his orgasm rip through his body. “Fuck fuck fuck, y/n.” he whimpers, hot cum shooting inside of your cunt. 

Both of you were breathing rapidly, eyes interlocking. “Good job Leon,” you mumble kissing his hairline. Slowly moving off of his dick cum leaking out of you. “Can you sit up for me?” you ask, trying not to let it come spilling off of your thighs. “Y-yeah,” he whispers while sitting up. His back was hot and sweaty. Beads of sweat dripped down. 

You made quick work of the rope taking it off, your stomach turning slightly at the bright red and freshly bruised marks. You kiss his wrists ruffling his hair slightly. He gives you a puppy-like gleam, fuck he was so adorable. “Would you be ok if I left you for a second to clean up?” you asked, cupping his face. 

“Mhm! I’ll be right here heh,” Leon said, you pulled him into a kiss before letting him go to clean yourself up. You went pee and grabbed a towel for him as well as a glass of water. You needed to do this right for him this time. You were going to make sure you never made the same mistake again twice. 

Unfortunately, as you feared when you walked back into the living room Leon didn’t look ok. “Baby? Leon? Should I not have left? Are you ok?” you ask, rushing over to him, setting the water and towel down next to the couch. Leon's face was red but not with a blush but with tears. They prickled at the corners of his eyes, your arms pulling him close to you. A small sob racked through his body, hands covering his face as he fell into your touch. 

“I’m so sorry Leon, I know this has probably been hard for you. I’m so sorry for that. I’m going to do better, I promise nothing we just did was real. It’s all pretend pretty boy. You're not a whore, your safe with me ok? I’m going to work hard to earn your trust ok?” you whisper into his ear, slowly stroking his hair. You know he can hear you, you also know letting him cry might be the best thing right now. 

This no doubt has brought up a lot of feelings for him, and that's ok. “Can you try taking some deep breaths? You don’t have to stop breathing but I need you to breathe ok?” you ask in the softest voice you can muster. You place your hands on his chest. He nods against your thighs, wet tears smearing around. You can feel him calling himself down with the occasional hiccups. “Good job.” you praise kissing the back of his neck. 

You coddled him for a few more minutes before he agreed to let you clean him up a bit. He sat like a kicked puppy on the couch letting you use the soft microfiber towel to clean around his groin and tummy. Holding his cup of water with both of his hands gulping some of it down.

He was quietly staring at your hands to clean him up. “Do you want a bath or a shower?” you ask, setting the towel on the side. “Um, can we have a shower please?” He asks, still feeling off from everything. You take his cup of water, set it down, and help him up to the shower, turning it on at the perfect temperature that nearly melted Leon as he stepped in. 

“I’m sorry for crying, I just got reminded of that night. I felt so alone,” he mumbled, clearly embarrassed. “Hey don’t say sorry for crying I’m sure you felt a lot. Let’s get you clean ok?” he nods, before wrapping his arms around you. “I’m not sure how this is going to work between us but if you want I would love to be your boyfriend.” He whispers into your ear. 

You pull away from the hug hot water dripping down your bodies. “I would love to be with you Leon,” you whisper, kissing him. His hands snake around your waist pulling you flush against him. The two of you melding your bodies together. 

After a very loving shower to contrast the feelings of earlier you two got dressed (you forced Leon into one of your shirts that was too short for him but you certainly didn’t mind. His arms wrapped around you, his nose nuzzling into your neck. His soft snores filled the room. You never wanted to let go of this moment. 

If only you two knew what lay ahead of Leon in Racoon City…

[trickstermoonjuice]

GRIEF IS FUCKING WEIRD

My only pet died, suddenly & unfairly- all death feels that way, but truly- it was unfair.

I feel like it went from technicolor to black & white, like the sunshine is on mute & cant warm me up, I feel people hugging me- but it feels like steel bars squeezing. I don't drink water, but the tears are fat and juicy- where is all this hydration from? and how long until I cry dust or pass out.

Everything sucks.

But that's because I loved her sooooo much, and so unapologetically - fully knowing she would die someday.- my roomates are mourning her too- she would wait by the door with them while i went to work, and if i entered the back- shed RUN to meow at me & demand picked up- that cat LOVED me. She was my best friend. And now she's physically gone, but our love is still here- its comming out of my eyes. Its coming out of my fists when i punch the bag, its coming out of my legs when i run to clear my head- grief is fucking weird. Its created by love and kicks in when love has been perceived to be gone- grief is loves receipt. That's the point. That's the whole point of this breathing and being a live thing. Love love love love- turns into grief grief grief grief- but it's all the same.

The legacy of ditchwater sal the stinky barn kitten turned skateboarding/mouse bapping fluffy racoon princess will live on, because I do- and now you know about her too.

Hug your fluffy babies. For me and Ditch.

[hatsunevitu]

okay this might seem like a lil bit controversial topic but please imagine tfbw but if cartman knew what fancervice and queerbait meant. like. are you really telling me he wouldn’t use it to get more fans and attention and money? please. so i strongly believe he’d make kyle participate in this shit with him to get more profit, and when kyle found out about new romantic-ish scenes between human kite and racoon that cartman had just written into the script for human kite’s movie… kyle’d get completely furious so he went to cartman’s basement and tried to make a scene.

(also i know i can’t call super craig a side character but i believe kyle actually thinks that the main characters are the racoon and human kite. no offense to craig tho. oh and just in case: i do not support queerbaiting!!)

k: Fatass!

c: What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at home reading your script!

k: I did read the script! And what the hell are all those scenes you’ve added? They make no sense!

c: Do not question my narrator’s talent, jew. I’m the one who’s in charge of writing, your task is to memorise it and worship me for all my hard work.

k: Really? Oh, really? “Hard work”, you say? What is this fucking moment, you fat piece of shit?

c: Which one, Kahl? Please, elaborate.

k: “The Racoon is on the verge of death, fighting for every breath, so Human Kite heroically decides to give him mouth-to-mouth. The camera switches to the reaction of other Friends, but loud sounds of CPR can be heard behind the scenes”.

c: Pretty dramatic, huh? I really outdid myself, didn’t I?

k: The whole new script is full of this shit! What’s the matter, Cartman?

c: You know, just decided to make your movie more inclusive and… spicy. Are you against it?

k: Yes! Yes, I am against it, I don’t want to participate in this! There are so many actually homosexual people and by doing this you erase them. That is wrong, unethical and also it’s freaking gay!

c: A-huh. So did I get it correctly, Kahl, that you don’t want to make our characters closer ‘cause that is in your opinion, and I quote, “gay”? What are you, homophobic?

k: Knock it off! Stop twisting my words, that is not what I said!

c: Then I see no reasons to reject my offer, Kyle.

k: It’s just so inappropriate and wrong!

c: What’s wrong about two male characters being close and emotionally attached to each other?

k: Everything! If it’s me and you – everything is wrong! Where’s the catch, Fatass? I will not believe for a single minute that you’re doing it for inclusion of minorities.

c: …Well, okay. I guess… I guess it is time for you to learn this.

k: Learn what? What are you talking about, Cartman?

c: Have you ever heard the word “queerbaiting”, Kyle?

k: Uh… no. What’s that?

c: Let me start with another question. Who do you think is the most popular character in Racoon and Friends?

k: Um-m-m… I don’t know, probably you?

c: Wrong! It’s not me, Kahl. And wipe that smirk off your face, ‘cause it’s not you either.

k: Then who?

c: Super Craig.

k: What? This can’t be… You’re the main character, he can’t be more popular than you or me! It makes no sense!

c: That’s what I thought! When I first saw the character popularity rank I started thinking… Where was my mistake? How is it possible for a side character like Super Craig to be more popular than me and you? Is it his character design? His backstory? His role in the plot? I was seeking for answers for hours until I finally realised…

k: Realised what? Come on, stop wasting my time!

c: Patience, Kyle, patience. It’s the most important trait for a superhero. So, let me continue. The main reason of popularity when it comes to Netflix… The reason why everyone loves Super Craig so much… The gayness, Kyle.

k: …Huh?

c: That’s right, you heard it correctly. The gayness. Homosexual orientation immediately makes a male character more attractive to fans.

k: …That’s stupid.

c: No, Kahl! There can be no mistake! I looked through the popularity rate of Freedom Pals and guess who the most favorite is there?

k: No way…

c: Yes way, Kahl! It’s fucking Wonder Tweek! The one with the most lousy backstory I’ve ever seen! The fans are completely in love with his cute little dramatic breakup with his boyfriend. Can you imagine it?!

k: Wow… That’s…

c: I understand how shocked you are now, but that’s not the end. Then I’ve heard the term “queerbaiting” and that is so goddamn genius, man, you’ll just love it! It’s when two dudes, who are not directly said to be homosexuals, show some gay hints here and there.

k: So?..

c: Don’t you get it, Kyle? It’s just hints! You don’t have to *actually* be gay, the fans will just fill the blanks themselves! It saves a lot of troubles with homophobes and laws in foreign countries, but you can still make money on gay jokes! That’s sweet, dude!

k: Wait, and do you expect people to actually buy it?

c: …Who are the most popular rivals in DC?

k: Batman and Joker?

c: Who are the most popular characters themselves?

k: …Batman and Joker. Dude… what the fuck?…

c: See? Told you!

k: So you want us to be gay so we become the most liked ones?

c: Yes, if you put it simple.

k: That’s… kind of messed up.

c: Oh my god, we won’t be *really* gay. Just… hints or something.

k: O-okay… Just to be clear: there won’t be any weird moments we have to actually take part in, will there?

c: What do you mean?

k: Like… um… I don’t know, some too-gay shit like holding hands or really kissing?

c: I will hope so. Believe me, Kahl, I like it no more than you do.

k: Well… Are you sure they’ll all like it?

c: Totally!

k: Oh, god, I feel like there is some kind of a trap, but…

c: Think about money, Kyle. The large, unthinkable pile of money and fame for just small scenes with some remotely gay-ish dialogues. That thought must calm your little jewish soul.

k: …Just so you know, I still fucking hate you. And I’m doing it only because I don’t think it’s right for a side character to be more popular than the main ones.

c: Whatever makes you sleep at night, Kyle. Whatever makes you sleep at night…

[chaosfantasmic]

LINKS FANFIC INTRODUCTION IS HERE!!!😲😲😲😲😲👉*your gay*

well y'all polled it out, and here you. (Also if this is bad I'm sorry I'd pay for your therapy but I'm broke so🤷)

....

Oh of all times to get dumped into a new hyrule THIS was it? They had just been in the captains era and there were hoards of monsters as usual, what was up with that why the hell did he need so many? But point is, at the end of the fight wind had a VERY FUCKING BAD concussion, some bitchey bokoblin socked him the head, yknow but Hyrule would just give him a little red potion and he'd be alright the next morning. But NOOOOOO hylia had to be a fat fucking bitch and open a portal FROM UNDER THEM!? Ok that's inconvenient but at least they were all together, wrong, very shitting wrong, it just so happens that the very badly injured one (im talking about wind) did not come with them, so now they were in god knows what era, with no idea where wind is or weather or not he's still ALIVE, and worse of all it was NIGHTIME, so they couldn't go looking for him, which meant they were forced to set up camp while there injured brother was off somewhere in this place (cause god this hyrule was HUGE, like even wild agreed it was BIG), so yea, it wasn't looking to great.

.....

(WIND POV CHANGE WOOSH WOOSH TRANSITION TRANSITION😲🖕)

Where am I? Why is it....so..dark? Oh, it's nightime. What happened why-, oh yea, I remember now we were in wars hyrule fighting all the damn monsters there, and I got...hit..in the head with a bat..and I got a concussion and then a portal opened up and I'm here.

When the sailor sat upright his head immediately started throbbing like crazy, he clutched his head and groaned

"Annnd there's the concussion." Wind cursed

He grumbled, did he really have to get dropped all alone in the woods of god knows where at night, with a concussion might he add.

The forest was pitch black, either that or he was starting to hallucinate, the only sound was the hum of the crickets and the calm flow of a nearby river

But wind was anything but calm. His head was bleeding like a river and orange and purple spots started to cloud his vision.

Should he at least try to stand up? No no that's not a good idea, he could barley lift up his arm without nearly being exhausted.

"ok calm down wind, calm down, your brothers are here...somewhere, they'll Probobly find you....eventually...maybe....hopefully."

"They're not coming."

And that was when wind realised just how shitty his current situation was.

He could very well die if he didn't do something, which you really can't when your on the verge of passing out. Was he really going to die, no no he couldn't die, what about granny and aryll and the rest of his brothers, what would they think?

The sailor knew that there wasn't much time left before he lost consciousness, so he did the last thing he could think of, with the last of his strength, he shakily mouthed out

"Help."

....

(HEY! TRANSITION!, POV SWITCH BITCHES RAAAAA)

Well help did come

Out of the corner of Winds eye, he saw a small figure, standing amongst the trees, holding a....racoon? Ok he was definitely hallucinating now.

"Ok buddy, It looks like I have some business to attend to, you promise to visit me tomorrow ya?" The mysterious person spoke as they let the racoon jump out of there hands, letting it run off into the woods.

Wind couldn't make out there face, it was covered by a thick green hood.

The person walked up and crouched down beside him, eyeing his head, they grimaced

"Eesh, what creature did this to you?" They said

They shuffled around in there pocket before pulling out a wad of bandages and a thick rag, they set the rag on the spot where winds head was bleeding

"There that should soak up most of the blood-ICK! Gee when did i last wash this thing?"

The rest was a blur to wind, his vision had started to fail him, his ears started ringing, and everything was blurry. All he remembered was a bandage over his head, and the warm orange glow of a fire

"Don't worry, your ok." The person said softly as he drifted off into unconsciousnes

....

Heeeey you finished it, oh Majesty has something to tell you!

[synthleeius]

ANTEATER.

i still dont knoe what that is im gonna google it

oh yeah um what the FUCK IS THAT. IS THAT A FUCKING RACOON??? WHYS ITS TONGUE OUT WHYS IT SO LONG WHYS IF GOT A BIG ASS NOSE AND A FAT ASS WHY IS IT STRAWY RHE CLAWS IT LOOMS EVIL FET AWAY FORM ME GET AWAY NOW THAT THING SERIOUSLY LOOKS LIKE ITS GONNA EAT ME THATS ACRUAL NIGHTMARE MATERIAL

[sailorsenshishitposter]

MGR office au part 5 - a day in the life of Mistral

Mistral returned to her room and placed her money that she had won from Sam in her purse. Her luxury Chanel purse. After all, her blood demanded that she only use the finest things from France. She sat down in her "chair" (that she had made from multiple dwarf gekkos) and began to sigh. Unless she was near her boss Armstrong or working at her job, she found her days quite dull.

She went over to her night stand and brushed her thumb over her hardcopy of L'Étranger longingly. She looked over the walls of her room (which totally did not look like a bdsm dungeon) and decided that tomorrow was the day that she would win the heart of her boss. She soon went to sleep and the dwarf gekkos were just glad that they had survived another night of not being torn apart to become furniture or to be used as a fisting toy.

Dawn of the First Day - 72 hours remain -

What better way to a man's heart than through his stomach? Mistral was used to doing the saying more literally than figuratively but she figured that she should give cooking a chance. After all, many of the greatest chefs were French. She looked over several cook books and decided that she would make duck confit. She had cured it last night so all that was needed to be done was to cook it. She placed the duck in the pan and coated it in fat, then added a layer of foil. She set the oven to 210°F and all that was left was to let it slow cook over the next eight hours.

While she waited she decided the best way to kill time was to do some shopping. Off she went to buy more Dior products. After a long day she returned to headquarters and went to check on the oven in the kitchen. To her horror, the door was left wide open and her duck confit was gone. "Merde, my food!" She then heard what sounded like a racoon gnawing on something. She looked under the table and found the cause. "SUNDOWNER!" There was her coworker hunched under the table, trying his best to discreetly eat a duck.

"WAIT! I CAN EXPLAIN! Listen, it just smelled so good and I was so hungry!" Her eyes narrowed. "Did I mention that I grew up in poverty?" Mistral then went on a tangent about how they all had to survive growing up and that she didn't give two shits. "You owe me, you imbecile!" She had had enough. Mistral would think of something better tomorrow.

Dawn of the Second Day - 48 hours remain -

"Alright Sundowner, here is the plan. I need you to convince Armstrong to meet me in my room." The bald man scratched his scalp. "How the hell am I supposed ta do that?" Mistral took out a dwarf gekko hand and bonked him with it. "Figure that out yourself! I must go prepare." She then promptly left to return to her room. "Woman. Can't understand em'. Well I guess I better go before she tries to stomp on my balls again."

He then went to Monsoon for help. He knocked on the door and soon the cyborg opened it. "I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS! Just kidding, what do you want?" Sundowner then discussed how he would set up a diversion while Monsoon would plant a note in their bosses office. "And what makes you think that I'll help you?" Half a second later and Sundowner was now holding his steam deck. Monsoon gulped. "Alright, you win."

Ah, there was Armstrong. "BOSS, I NEED YER HELP!" The Senator sighed. "What is it now?" Sundowner began to wave his arms around. "I CAN'T EXPLAIN, THERE'S NO TIME! HURRY!" Soon Armstrong was following Sundowner down the corridor. - Cut to mission Impossible music - Suddenly Monsoon is shown upside down on the ceiling. He went to turn off his anti gravity field only to come tumbling down like a jenga tower. "Fuck." After restacking his bionicle body he gently placed the note on his superiors desk. "Time to get out of here."

Finally Sundowner and Armstrong had arrived at one of the public bathrooms. "Alright, tell me what's the problem?" The man struggled to think of an excuse on the spot. " I... uh.. I.. cut myself... shaving?" Armstrong's eyes turned red. "WHAT!? YOU BROUGHT ME ALL THE WAY HERE FOR THIS!? GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I DOCK YOUR PAY!" Once the man was gone, Sundowner slid down against the bathroom tile. "Well, I've done everythin' she told me to so she better be grateful!"

Upon returning to his personal office, Armstrong had noticed a small note on his desk. "Meet me in room 403. Your secret admirer." He began to blush. The last time anyone had fancied him was his college days. "Well let's meet this mysterious admire then." He went up to the door and opened it. He was greeted by the sight of someone laying on their stomach lazily, stark naked and they were proudly displaying their large rump. "Who is it now?" the voice called out. Armstrong walked in and got a closer look. "SAM!?"

Mistral was on her bed in an expensive pair of lingerie. "What's taking him so long?" She then heard a knock at her door and rushed to answer it, only to be greeted by Monsoon. "Oh. What do you want, I'm expecting someone?" The man chuckled. "I think you might want to see this." They walked down the hall only to hear shouting. Mistral realized it was that of her boss and her coworker Sam. "WHY ARE YOU NAKED!?" followed by "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!?" Soon everything clicked in her head. "SUNDOWNER!"

Dawn of the Final Day - 24 hours remain -

Mistral paced back and forth. "That's it! I'm going to let him know how I feel. And Sundowner can't ruin it for me this time!" She went down to her superiors office. "Mistral? What are you do-" She placed her finger to his lips, silencing him. "It was me all along boss. I'm your secret admirer. Je t’aime de toute mon âme. Will you be mine?" Her boss readjusted his glasses. "I'm flattered Mistral, but I'll tell you what I already told Sundowner. (Sundowner? Her mind went blank.) I make it a habit not to let my love life be involved with my work. In other words, I don't date clients. I'm sure you understand."

Mistral soon became lightheaded. "No way! Sundowner did this on purpose! I'll kill him!" she thought to herself and she soon passed out and fell over. "Mistral?"

[southernbluebellereader]

Bc I live out in the country, I've opened the side door and just seen like 4 fuckin deer out behind the fence. Price would be like what the fuck, how is that normal?

Like sir you gotta slow down at night so you don't hit various deer at various places. It's just what happens. Like wym you're scared of the racoon??? He's just a fat baby! -🦇

LMAOO I live in the suburbs, but there's forest and trees EVERYWHERE and I can't tell you how many times a deer has tried to jump the fence of my parents' back yard to get to the garden and they just-

get stuck. like STUCK STUCK. Usually they somehow wiggle themselves out and run away. Price was damn near ready to shoot the deer from the door. Or like when you gotta pick up the neighborhood racoon from out your trash. It's once a week, this little raccoon is in your trash, Price is like "What in the hell is that?" Gun ready, going out to the garage. You just sigh, follow him, then go to the trashcan, and somehow pull out this fat ass raccoon and let him be on his way. Let's just say Price ain't messing with you.

no matter how many times you warn him, Price half swerves when he drives when he sees an animal on the road, especially deer. And then he'll get mad at you for living there.

ok but imagine if you was from Appalachia. Bestie, Price would be freaked the fuck out on the inside. He'd never leave your side at night. Military my ass, he's heard some things after not believing you, but he believes you now.

[toughestfairy]

bad dog // small town gay girl

-- cw, violence against a dog

Presently, a Dalmatian stands in a backyard, her spots gleaming under the oppressive sun. She was bought as a puppy, bred poorly from an Amish mill, never taken to the vet, and yet somehow still healthy. But today, fat ribbons of droll trail from her purple-black lips. From where I stand in the alley, I can see her eyes growing wild with fear and rabies.

The man who must own her is standing nearby, taking in the sight. His Dalmatian has just bitten his smaller mutt. Now both dogs are rabid and must be put to death.

“Fucking bitch!” “Bad dog.” “I’m gonin’ kill you, motherfucker!”

She was “good dog” once. She knew how to sit pretty and fetched loyally. The neighbors fawned over her, secretly coveting her. She was such a good girl. Her coat was slick, her temperament mild, her wits quick. What brought her to this fall from grace was a chance encounter with a rabid racoon. Now she was a bad dog, no longer destined for dog greatness. Despite her downfall, she had enjoyed chasing that critter.

The man follows through with his promise, killing both dogs. When he stared into his gun cabinet, I wondered how he chose the gun he used. Was he haphazard, reaching in blindly for the first barrel his mitt could smother? Did he deliberate, deciding on a slugger shotgun, knowing it would kill his girls quickly? Or maybe he chose his favorite handgun, making a game of killing those dogs. It’s hard to speculate, especially when no option seems just.

If I had been there, holding that Dalmatian through her final heaving breaths, I think I would have been tender. I would have told her she deserved better. I would have said she deserved a big city, with long dogs run s cushy with clover lawns. I would have reminded her that she was a good dog, whose wild nature should have been fortified with a vaccine.

[daemosghost]

Tried to figure out wtf indigo park is even about. Did not get an answer and was instead just saw people defending the game from hate and saw like several images of the racoon's fat fucking balls and ass cheeks...

[cloudboundcritters]

ei666shii:

Fuck off. Learn a thing or two about retro gaming and Japanese mythology. In the older Mario games, Mario can be seen wearing the racoon (tanuki) suit. Before he becomes the tanuki, he has to grab a leaf (a feather in super mario world for SNES). What does this mean? The intention of the game designers was to depict the mythical tanuki that so often appears in Japanese folklore. They are not depicting the raccoon dog, which does exist in real life. Tanuki in Japanese folklore take the role of shape-shifters. Do you see raccoon dogs in real life shape-shifting? NOPE.

P.S. Like a fat italian plumber in a kigurumi is going to inspire some Japanese kid to leave his apartment in Tokyo and go to a secluded area in northern Japan so he can skin raccoon dogs! LOL

[fat-fuck-friday]

Happy Fat Fuck Friday

[idliketobeunknown]

c!tommy is a racoon, and thinks that sam nook is as well, but sam nook doesn’t want to break it to tommy that he’s actually a Tanuki and they’re VERY different.

[lale-txt]

may i ask some nsfw hcs of the one and only, the dark king ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) more specifically his older self, not younger 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

me: i prefer non-anon requests also me: sees a request with her fav dilf, grabs it with little racoon hands and holds it up like a mf treasure yissss lmao also because you were the sweetest while requesting and i take every excuse to write for this fine man, hope you enjoy this mess <3

(n.sfw) spicy headcanons w/ old Rayleigh & gn!reader (no pronouns)

Rayleigh is always looking for the next fling – or maybe his next fling is looking for him, who knows

they’re hiding in the tall grass as if they’re hunting down a shiny pokémon

you laugh but next thing you know you’re kneeling next to us, hungry for a piece of this fine gilf

the older man just has this charm that makes everyone fall for him so easily

and he knows

just a few words to avoid when dating Rayleigh: monogamy, commitment, responsibility, alimonies, paternity test

at this age, Rayleigh has tried out everything and he’s happy to teach you or let you experiment everything your heart desires

want to peg him? sure, he’ll get the good lube and guide you all the way through it, it’s not his first time and he comes prepared

or maybe you want him to utterly destroy all of you? he’ll do it with a sweet smile and hold you in his big arms afterwards

Dark King Of Aftercare™️ 

he’ll eat you out like a starved man until he has you whimpering to stop because your body feels like it’s falling apart under his tongue

what that haki do 👀

he’ll praise you so much for how well you’re taking all of him in and how good your insides feel, clenching around his big fat cock

he’s also cool with introducing you to Shakky and if she likes you, you might get to enjoy the best of both worlds (she’ll also give you a discount on all of your orders in her bar so now you’re only getting half ripped off)

once he took a liking on you, he’ll stick around for a while, but never for too long, so don’t get too attached maybe 

you’re still getting attached because how could you not

old Rayleigh comes with a lot of heartbreak, but believe me that it’s not only your heart that is breaking little by little

it’s almost as if he’s trying to fill this void inside of him by touching all those different hearts, always yearning, always searching for that missing piece that his partner took with him when he died

i’m so sorry for making this fucking sad

imagine Rayleigh rising in slow motion from the waves after crossing the Calm Belt like it was nothing, flipping his long silver hair back, maybe that’ll help to dry your tears