#fat fucking racoon

[circesoracle]

going so insane on a friday night all by yourself, handsome?

[scoutswritingcorner]

hi!! i saw your angel dust headcannons for a small cold reader and was possibly hoping i can request some angel dust comfort? my family’s been giving me a rough time lately and i just can’t seem to escape them :( i just want some fluffy spider cuddles (and mayhaps a raccoon demon reader 👀 it’s not needed it was just a funny little detail to add lol)

The Best Way To Comfort

Angel Dust x Male Raccoon Demon Reader

A/N: Hihi Anon! You’re request was so fucking adorable and I hope everything gets better my friend! Hope this brings a smile to your face and I was writing this with a Raccoon Demon reader in my mind!!

-🕷️ As soon as he sees you upset Angel is scooping you up in his arms and hugging you close. If you don’t want to talk to him about it, he won’t pressure you. He understands being closed off and unresponsive. But if you want to talk? He’s all ears baby. If you start crying, he wipes your tears away and kisses your forehead.

-🩷 Best cuddler around, he’s got all those arms for a reason and holding you against him is the best use of those arms second best to holding your hand. He also loves your ears and little bushy racoon tail (and how you're always grabbing things ya’ little thief-). His eyes widen in surprise if you allow him to touch your ears and tail. 

-🕷️ He adores how short you are compared to him and will pick you up at random. Do not get me started if you start making those chittering raccoon noises, he will laugh and kiss your face. He thinks it’s down right adorable.

-🩷 This straight up became talking about raccoon things you do BUT- Some nights he wakes up to see you skulking around and if you get caught you freeze before slowly reaching for whatever you wanted. He finds it adorable but you are disrupting his beauty sleep and he will pick you up to bring back to bed, he’s not afraid of your growls and hissing.

-🕷️ Back to cuddles, laying your head on his chest floof and falling asleep with Fat Nuggets in your arms is a 100% chance of him snapping some pictures. His phone background is a picture of you having fallen asleep in a weird place and his lockscreen is of you and him at a bar.

-🩷 Sometimes when he can’t find Fat Nuggets around and he starts to freak out, he just lifts up your tail and finds the little piglet dead asleep curled up. This mostly happens when he comes home super late from work and finds you still awake but focused on something else. 

-🕷️ Kisses? Are a must, he loves kissing you. Bending down and kissing you, picking you up and kissing you. That one time where you literally climbed your own boyfriend and kissed him. He loves it and the ways he can kiss you are endless. 

-🩷 One time you were clinging to his back and he forgot about you for a moment and literally went looking around the hotel for you. He was in tears by the time Charlie brought it up and after that? He was embarrassed and won’t talk to anyone for an hour.

-🕷️Also can we talk about how caring he is? Like if you need to take medication? He’s set an alarm on your phone and he will text you as another reminder. Even when he’s on set, he has a personalized alarm for himself so he won’t forget either. Need help reaching something while you cook or want a snack that Alastor hides from you? It’s already in his hands.

-🩷 Angel Dust loves you so much and wants the best for you. For him? You’re the best thing that has happened in a very very long time and he doesn’t want to lose you. Not that he will, you got your little thieving fingers around his heart and you’re not letting go of your greatest treasure.

[karlachismylife]

Love this blog you will find me rummaging through your writing like a raccoon in a trash can muwah

Oooh raccoon spottings!! Only the juiciest trash for you, fluffy comrade. This blog loves you back! Since I have been reblogging and doing ask replies a lot lately, feel free to use the masterlist, it's more or less full, only some little things get left in the "juju's grumbles" or "juju's replies" tags. But I reblog a lot of amazing creators, authors, writers and artists, so I do recommend scrolling and checking them out too!!!

And here, have some task force 141 discovering a raccoon in their home headcanons. I even went and found @thecutestgrotto 's raccoon dividers because how could I not, really.

Ghost hears rustling and is immediately on high alert. You're not home, and he would've recognized you regardless of how well you try to be sneaky, so this means there's an intruder. And this intruder chose a home with the scariest guard dog of them all.

Simon is stealth itself as he reaches for his tacticle knives. He could've gone for the gun, but that's too much noise and unwanted attention, would be better if no one knew he has it, since it's for emergencies. And for now this doesn't seem like an emergency, because you're not in danger and it seems like whoever broke in is slow, alone and not very confident in what they're doing.

As Simon stalks through the dark hall towards the back door where he heard the noise, he also realizes - that intruder is small. Could it be a kid? Stupid teenager breaking and entering for a bet? Or someone young and troubled to the point of desperately needing any sourse of cash? Or maybe it's a little one that got lost and just stumbled into someone's home in search of help? By the time Ghost actually reaches the now quiet room, he's already thinking he's going to be giving a stern talking, not a beating.

And then he finally turns the lights on, ready to pounce, and sees a dark fat blob frozen under a chair, beady black eyes staring at what poor racoon can only assume to be the apex predator.

"Bloody hell, where did ya come from, ya trash rat?" He's already assessed the room and made sure it was nothing more than the raccoon, so he sheaths the knife and crouches with a grunt, trying to grab the bugger by its scruff and shove him out of the door - it must've been the cat flap that let it inside. The raccoon, however, finally bolts. But not back to where it came from, no; it buries intself under the kitchen counter next. "Come back ya fookin' vermin, this ain't your hose, get the fuck outta here, bloody Zorro!"

When you finally come home, you're met with a sweaty, grumpy Simon with an icepack on his head, furniture moved around and traces of a proper chase scene. And a raccoon squished between the wall and the couch, nervously fidgeting with the mophead that somehow ended up there without a handle attached.

"Did you even try to lure him out with treats?" - "Fat bastart snatched a whole packet of nuts and bolted. Your turn now."

Price is having some fresh air outside, also known as lounging in a garden chair with his cigar, a pint and a nice book, early in the morning. He actually wasn't expecting to wake up this early, but he just recently got from a long deployment, so his sleep is messed up. Knowing he won't be able to fall back sleep, he decided not to disturb your own sleep, put on his big robe and went to catch sunrise beams. It's a little chilly, big droplets decorating all the greens and pinks of the garden - and the rising sun only makes the flowers look even more rosy as the tiny water diamonds sine and sparkle.

Bird song gets interrupted by snoring really quickly - the peace and serenity of morning garden, everything planted together with you and well taken care of, works on John like a lullaby, and he dozes off peacefully, his cigar snuffed out by a timin breeze, book flat on his chest and his hat slowly sliding down onto his eyes, protecting them from the sunlight. He's sleeping so soundly, even his snores aren't that loud, so the nature just accepts him as a part of the ever-changing landscape for today. Insects landing on him, searching for food and moving on without as much as tickling him. Wet grass sticking to his garden slippers and slowly drying of like that. Little midges getting stuck in his beard, poor thrashing creatures.

There's also someone bigger traversing the morning grounds, returning from the long night of searching for food. Not so stealthy under the sun, a dark shadow trots along the lush rose bushes that provide nice cover still. The hunt must've been not too successful, furry tummy still hungry and big tail dragging defeatedly.

But there's something new in this garden, something that wasn't there the previous day. And it brought something to put on the garden table - where food is often put. That's something worth investigatig, right?

When it turns out the little plate and big glass on the table only have something truly yucky in them (she checked really well), she has no other choice but to look in the chair. Good thing she has some help to recruit.

That's what explains the picture you see, once you wake up and go to look for your husband sleepily, only to find him snoring peacefully with a hat on his face and a whole family of raccoons rummaging through the pockets of his bathrobe and trying to climb up his hairy leg to see what's under the loosely tied belt.

There's raccoon infestation problem in your backyard. Well, it's not a real infestation, you already know that it's just one quite skinny and hungry-looking raccoon coming to rummage through your trash, scattering it around. Even when you stop putting it out, that poor critter keeps coming, bringing dirt onto your porch and sometimes even digging under your plants. You don't want to hurt the animal that's clearly just looking for food, so after some time you just give up and ask Gaz to deal with it.

You married him for his smarts too, you know, he should be able to think of something.

He obviously agrees, gives you a reassuring kiss on your temple and beams with pride just from knowing you think of him being capable to deal with any problem you have, because that's exactly what he's there for, he tells you. And he's confident he can do it, honestly, he has dealt with terrorists and complicated mechanisms, a starving shabby raccoon can't possibly be harder to deal with. You trust that confidence, you trust your husband, so you just leave him to it and forget about the problem.

Weeks pass without any real disturbance - at some point Kyles starts putting the trash outside again, and since it's not getting scattered all over the porch and garden again, you figure he has chased the raccoon away successfully. You would actually like to know how and thank him properly, but since he's still not mentioning it, you decide that he's still testing the results and will come report like a good boy once he's sure that little striped tail won't show up anymore.

You don't even put two and two together when one day, quite early in the morning, Kyle wakes you up with hot kisses behind your ear.

"Hey, angel. Sorry to wake you up, I jus' wanna show ya something. Let me carry you, a'right?" As soon as you stir, still warm and soft, eyes barely able to flutter open, he shushes you and stops you from getting from under the blanket. With a kiss on every eyelid, you get wrapped up in a blanket burrito and curl up in Kyle's arms, sleepy head resting on his shoulder as he carries you over to the door.

He places you on the porch rocking chair carefully, sealing the blanket around our feet so the cool morning air won't bite your toes, and crouches down next to you silently. Still half asleep, you can't even tell whether you wait for long or not, but your eyes try to close back, when suddenly something catches your attention.

It's the slightly more rounded raccoon - still same pattern on his tail, though - trotting directly to your porch with purpose in his stride. You blink, unsure what you're looking at, when that little buddy stops in front of the steps and looks at Kyle, who gives him a nod. Swiftly, the raccoon runs up the stairs and approaches the trash can. carefully, he slides off the lid with its tiny hands, and rummages inside. Just a single wrapper falls out of the whole bunch of things.

Once the raccoon finds some scraps he's been looking for and munches on them, he sniffs around, finds that wrapper and puts it back into the trash can. Then turns back to Kyle, who has a hard time hiding his sly grin as he looks at you, now completely awake and wide-eyes, from the corner of his eyes.

"Nope." Kyle makes an arching gesture with his palm. And the raccoon listens to him, turning to the trash can again and pulling the covering lid back over it. Only then he gets an approving nod from your husband, and just like that, leaves.

There's a moment of silence between you two as you watch that grey shadow disappear under the fence to your neighbours.

"Kyle, did you actually train a raccoon to throw its trash away?.."

You get a feeling when you push your key into the lock and open the door.

It's inexplainable, intuitive, gut feeling that you can't really put a finger on. Something's not right, but it's not the spooky dangerous "not right" like if you found your entrance wide open. No, it's a gnawing suspicion, an anticipation you get, trying to warn you something happened at home while you were away. Same feeling dog owners get when they're not being greeted by eagerly jumping pups because someone has chewed the owner's best pair of shoes up of broke their favourite vase.

Taking into consideration that you're living with John Soap MacTavish, it's either that or he's preparing to prank you.

But no, the TV's on and you hear distinct sounds of snacks being downed by one Scottish specimen, a glass or a bowl clinking from being touched by his clumsy big fingers, so he's not hiding behind the corner to jump at you. The apartment doesn't look trashed too, no hastly wiped blood splatters on the floor, no sight of ambulance or the police at the entrance into the apartment building. Looks like Johnny did't touch his street clothes or shoes either, so he probably didn't run out to throw away evidence like that one time when he forgot he started cooking something with caramel and had to throw away the whole pot.

Everything seems normal. Just your husband being so engolfed by Pocahontas that he doesn't hear you rustling with yout clothes and jiggling keys at the entrance, otherwise he would run out with crumbs of whatever it is he's snacking on in the corners of his mouth and grab you as he always does, spinning you around and looking like his whole life just regained its meaning because you're finally...

Wait. Since when is Johnny a Disney princess fan?

Last time you checked, the only one he approved off was Mulan, even Brave falling under critisism for historical inaccuracies he took too close to heart.

Carefully and sneakily, you tiptoe into the sitting room, going back and forth on whether to spook him as a revenge for the last time or not, but before you can decide, you get noticed.

There's a beat of silence between you, stuck in a creeping pose, Johnny with his hand still in a bowl of little apple slices, and a raccoon. Also sitting with a half-eaten apple slice in front of a slightly mudded water bowl. On the couch. In your living room.

"Soap."

Two pairs of eyes blink at you.

"MacTavish."

He slowly retracts his hand from the bowl and licks his lips, There's apple juice staining his stubble.

"Johnny. What the fuck is a raccoon doing sitting on the couch."

"We're hanging oot."

The raccoon finally moves and shoves the apple slice into its mouth, chewing juicily and reaching its paws in a asking manner. Distracted by that, Soap turns back to the critter and fishes a new slice out of the bowl, which the raccoon immediately snatches from your husband's hand and dips into the water bowl before crunching in the fruit.

"Johnny. Where did you find it."

"They just climbed oanto th' balcony!"

"Johnny, we're living on the 15th floor, how did it-" - "Nae "it", bonnie, 's "they". Ah asked. And their name's Rob Roy."

You fall silent again, watching Johnny hover protectively over the bloody non-binary raccoon. You wouldn't believe the balcony story, but Soap clearly looks like he hasn't left the apartment since you went out.

"It... they probably are someone's pet, Johnny. That ran away. Did you check? Ask around?"

"Ah did." He pouts at you as if he's offended you even doubt his ability to think of such logical solution. "Thay're nae. Jus' chose us, bonnie."

You feel your heard stutter at the implication behind those words and shake your head, pointing at the fiends on your couch.

"No-no-no, John MacTavish, we are not keeping that bloody thing. If it's a wild animal, it doesn't belong in an apartment! We weren't even ready for a cat, what raccoon, Johnny, the fuck you think it will-"

"But thay're cute! Look at 'em, bonnie! Ye wanna throw poor bastart away to starve and freeze tae death?!"

You and Rob Roy make similar pained sounds when Johnny grabs that fat fucker and shoves them into your face. Yeah, the raccoon is cute as hell.

It's Johnny's puppy eyes that do you in, though.

[martian-astro10]

BROTHER, I went out today to put the trash in the can, and it was a little dark outside, so I opened the can right, and then it started moving, and i thought it was a racoon but NO, it was a HUGE FUCKING RAT 😭😭😭 it was so fat and big and ugly, bigger than a fucking racoon scared the fucking shit Outta me, INSANE 😭, And then dude just looked up and kept on staring at me, dumb animal, like run away, 0 survival skills fr. And then I had to run away instead, and like the trash fell out of my hands and now it's just on the road but I'm too scared to go out again. That rat was fucking ugly bro, I've never seen such a big rat 😭😭, like what the fuck. Gonna buy a fucking flamethrower bro, my whole body is shaking 😭😭, I'm so scared

[banquetwriter]

୨୧ stupid expensive couch ୨୧

pairing: rookie!Leon Kennedy ♡︎fem + AFAB!Reader

warnings: ୭̥⋆*｡, not proof read, smut, feeling of abandonment, implied non aftercare, crying after sex (lol), just so much smut lmg

summary: ʚ after hooking up with your best friend once, you two have to finally admit your feelings ɞ

words: 5019

AN: This is a very OOC representation of rookie leon just leave me alone <3, HEAVILY inspired by this audio :>also consent is not specifically asked for in this fic however it’s implied reader and leon have hooked up before and consent and boundaries were set then, neither party was taken advantage of!!

⤾·˚ ༘ ◡̈ ⤾·˚ ༘ ◡̈

“Leon, why aren’t you eating more of your going-away cake?” you mumble through the sheer fullness you felt. Leon's face flushed red from the alcohol, he shakes his head furiously “You can’t keep feeding me this stuff! It has so much sugar in it I swear!” Leon commented pointing to it. “What? Scared you're gonna get fat and they're gonna turn you away at the door? You have to be fit to be a policeman you know.” you mumble, taking yet another sip of your drink. The alcohol seemingly scratches your throat on the way down. “Mmm fuck.” you mumble setting your drink down. 

Leon gives you a fake and dramatic scoff, “I'm not gonna get fat from some horrible “cheese-cake” he mumbles with air quotes. “Hey, what's with the quotes?” you ask, biting your lip slightly and tracing the rim of your glass. “This isn’t cheesecake, y/n! It’s just candy!” he tells you leaning back on your couch. 

Ugh, the couch, your boyfriend- well… ex-boyfriend bought it. It was always the same with you, going after guys who never usually meant much to you. It’s not like you wanted to use them, you just wanted to fall in love! In love with anybody else except for Leon, your best friend in the whole wide world. 

Your best friend was moving to fucking Racoon City for fucks sake. “Whatever Leon, how are you feeling?” you ask through a small giggle, tilting your head to the side. Leon looks up at you, his eyes slowly filling with thoughts. That's always something you have known about him, as expressionless as his face tends to be; you can always see in his eyes what's wrong. Your eye contact only holds for a moment before he looks down at the base of your coffee table. 

He lets out a deep sigh before looking up again, this time not at you. You could see it, he was searching for words. “I'm nervous I mean, they tell me to stay away from the place the week I'm about to start? What does that mean? I’ve already looked it up but I can't find anything online about it.” he rambles, standing up. 

The alcohol must have hit him… you let out a small giggle. “I meant the drinks, Leon,” you say eyes following his pacing. “Oh… well fine then. I’m barely even buzzed,” he says walking back over to the couch and sitting down. You smile looking down, Leon lets out a borderline pornographic moan as he lays back on the couch. “My god Leon!” you exclaim looking at him. 

He lets out a toothy grin, “Hey this couch is very comfortable… are you still paying this thing off?” He asks, sitting back up again, reaching for his drink. You open your mouth to tell him that you did not pay a penny for it and instead your ex-’boyfriend’ bought it for you because he was *going* to move in before you broke up with him. 

Leon doesn’t let you get a word out though, he moves the cup down from his lips and swallows. “Oh wait I forgot your boyfriend bought it for you heh, you little couch princess,” he mumbles the last part into the cup before drinking again. Ah Leon, ever the flirt. “No Leon I didn’t pay for the couch and me and *him* broke up,” you say avoiding his eyes and taking a swig yourself. This was not going to be an easy conversation. 

“Oh..” Leon's voice was quiet as he looked down at the table. No matter how drunk or unexpressive he may be, it was clear to you the disappointment and regret on his face. Your stomach suddenly swirled, maybe you shouldn't have eaten so much of that cheesecake and then used it to soak up alcohol. You quickly set the glass down nervously rubbing your sides. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t know.” He mumbles, gesturing with his hands. “It’s ok Leon, honestly it's been a few months,” you confess, looking at him. You can feel a small anger bubble in him. “Fuck really? You wanna talk about it?” he asks scooting ever so closely. Your heart falls as he shifts forwards. Fuck you thought, booze was liquid confidence. You were feeling very confident, just dizzy. 

“No, not really,” you mumble feeling the heat from his body. He was so warm… I mean in a heated apartment in jeans and a sweatshirt… plus he was probably drunk right now. “You care, Leon?” you ask, a small amount of surprise seeps up through your throat and into your words. His eyebrows furrow. “Yes of course I fucking care. I mean it makes sense you two broke up I mean fuck it's getting pretty late, there are drinks and well he isn’t here you know? I wouldn't be comfortable letting you go have drinks with another guy late at night if we were dating.” he says, moving his elbows to his mid-thighs and using his hands to talk. 

He doesn’t seem to know what he is saying. You two dating, god it sounds like a bad nightmare being desperately in love with your best friend and him joking about dating you. You're not sure what to say, your mouth is drying up. “You couldn't have told me this when we called the other week?” he asks, getting loud. Fuck, no not the calls. The calls you two would spend together with each other for hours, desperately flirting with him even when you were ‘dating’ someone. 

Again you go to open your mouth but just like on the calls you can’t bring yourself to say anything, it would ruin it all. “I knew you weren’t doing in a good place but fuck y/n you don’t tell me anything anymore. I know what you said ok, about us being different after we did what we did but I thought we were still best friends!” he rambles, his alcohol fueling his anger. A raging fire that's been there for some time. 

‘After we did what we did’ are words you never wanted to hear tonight. It hadn't been your fault entirely; it takes two people to tango. But taking your best friend's virginity and then leaving before he even fell asleep after… you felt sick. You hadn't meant for it to happen, you didn’t want it to go down the way it did. You were barely giving him anything as he is near crying from happiness… The L bomb nearly slipped out. 

The memories from that night flooding back to you. Your drunk brain is finally losing the internal battle you fought with yourself. Finally pulling him in for a kiss. Telling him that it would change us. It didn’t seem to matter to him though. It was disappointing, for both of you… You only had the guts to go so far before you backed out.

Jerking him off then telling him you couldn't deal with anymore that night, letting him lay down, and then leaving him in that stupid hotel. You swallowed thickly being brought back to the present. A not-so-innocent Leon looking back at you. “Leon I-” you finally started your voice shaky, “No don’t ‘Leon’ me! Why don’t you tell me anything anymore? For Christ's sake, I didn’t even know you had broken up with your boyfriend. I know that dress y/n… when you get sad you buy things, for yourself or your apartment. If you bought something new you would have worn it tonight, for me but you didn’t. You’re wearing that fucking dress…” he points to you, you look down really it wasn’t anything bold. Very simple in fact. Just a tight black dress with a red streak on the side.

Your face heated up. God, he knew you so well. “I knew something was wrong because I saw all your new apartment decorations y/n, I saw them on the call ok? You would never normally buy this shit. I knew you were struggling and I couldn't bear to ask you if you were ok because I already knew the answer to that question. If I had asked you that question,” he leaned in forward. His breath was laced with sweets and liquor… “You would have lied and told me you were doing fine,” he says almost out of breath.

You were out of words watching him, he had stepped back now going back to his pacing. You bit your lip looking at him, he was waiting for you, To say something, anything you supposed. You couldn't keep disappointing him. “It’s always been the same for me, Leon! What else do you want to hear?” you question trying to ignore the sadness weighing on your chest. 

“Please talk to me y/n! You never talk anymore, you never tell me anything and it makes me wonder…” he starts and you can almost see tears in his eyes. “Wonder?” you ask. “Yes y/n wonder, do you ever talk about me anymore? I know we aren’t in school anymore but you still talk to people from school I know you do!” he almost shouts. God why? Why did he have to know you so well>

“Do you ever mention my name? Does anyone else mention my name? Ask how I am. What do you say y/n? Do you say ‘Oh Leon is doing great he is gonna be a cop!’ Is that what you say knowing you don’t know me anymore?” he asks chest heaving. Fuck he looked so pretty all worked up like this. You couldn't help but think about him like that. It’s how you got into this mess in the first place. 

The truth was you didn’t talk about him with anyone, no one except yourself. You couldn't bear it, saying anything about him that is. You would ruin things if you did. “Did you tell him about me? Your couch-buying boyfriend?” it was clear he was jealous as he always has been. He is a gentle person when he wants to be. Never telling you how when a guy would wrap his arms around you it made him sick. He never said it but you saw it in his eyes, you knew it was true. “Did you tell any of your ‘boyfriends’ about me? Huh? About how you fucked me?” he asks, his voice going quiet. 

His chest fell and rose. His anger flowed out of him. “Leon I’m so-” you try to stand up too, but again his eyes betray him. Guilt floods over his features. “No please I’m sorry I shouldn't have said all that, I know it’s not what you wanted to hear.” His voice was soft, unlike the borderline yelling from his a second ago. “You know I always promise myself I’m never gonna see you again, you know?” he asks, sitting down again. Your heart falls even deeper into your body. 

“I promise myself every time I leave here that this will be the last time. I will leave and never come back until you're marrying some stupid rich guy. Every time I see your name on my phone asking to call my heart fucking sinks. Because you have trapped me, and I can’t get out. I know that I can’t hold myself back when I see you. I will flirt and plead and beg for you even if you don’t see it. God I want you so fucking bad.” he mumbles, burying his face into his hands. 

Your heart is thumping. You're so scared, this is all you have ever wanted. Maybe you didn’t need to be so scared… “It always goes the same way for me, Leon,” you mumble, he peaks up at you moving his fingers from covering his eyes. Your head was spinning with nerves, your brain screaming at you not to tell him what you so desperately wanted to. Your heart was pleading for something else… and for the first time. You listened to your heart.

“I always fall for some stupid guy who turns out isn’t what I want so I freak out and break up with whoever it is. I never like the guys I date because, well I don't want to date them! I want to date you, so badly. No guy can ever replace you. And I’m so sorry I do this to you. This little cat-and-mouse game. I keep pulling you along for shit I know I shouldn't. I’m sorry for ever fucking you in the first place. I should have done it right… you looked so fucking perfect that night. You were just wanting to be loved by me and I screwed it all up. I got scared so I ran. It's what I always do.” you ramble letting your years-long feelings finally seep to the surface. 

Leon was still covering his face with his hands but you can tell by his dreamy eyes that he is happy. Of course, he is. “But I'm trapped too, I ran from you only to run right back. You never want to see me again because of the way I push and pull you.” you sit back down facing him finally. “Flirting with you because I can’t bear to let you go completely yet I can’t commit enough to be with you because I’m so scared. I would do anything to change that night, to give it my all, and love you the way you deserve. But I can’t go back. I can only try and fix what I have done now.” you had started crying. Your face is tear-stained. 

The room went silent minus your occasional sniffles and deep breaths. Leon slowly drops his hands from his face, a very big red blush dusting beautifully on his features. You give a small breathless chuckle licking your lips slightly. The silence seemed like it filled the room. A small tension sewing its way between the two of you. 

“Thank you. For uhh saying that. I thought about that night a lot since it happened. It felt like my dream was coming true but it wasn’t. Jesus, I even cried after you left. You must think I'm so pathetic.”  he mumbles wiping his hands on his face. Your face fell, “I don't think your pathetic Leon.” you say scooting next to him and grabbing his hands. 

His face looking at yours. “I'm so sorry for what I put you through, and you're very brave. I mean fuck, you want to risk your life to help others. You're Not pathetic for crying after I left. Ok?” you spoke in a hushed serious tone. That was a rare occurrence for you and Leon. He just smiled nodding slightly but you weren’t gonna have that. Your hand comes up to his jaw, “Ok?” you ask again, and he gives you a sheepish smile. “Yeah ok,” he mumbles, this Leon contrasted the one from earlier. He was mad or loud and he was happy. 

A tone seemed to have shifted between you too. “Do you think we should try that night over again?” you ask, letting your eye fall into a half-lidded pose. You lean towards him. His eyes widen ever so slightly, you could almost hear his heart rate increase. “What?” he asks. Oh how different this Leon was… so shy and cute. 

You smirk, pushing his arms over his head. You used the pressure your hands had to hoist yourself on his lap. “W-Hat are you doing? Why are you getting on my lap?” he whined, unconsciously bucking his hips as you slid onto him. “Shhh,” you whisper smirking, pressing your finger against his mouth. He gives you the most pathetic look staring up at you.  

You move your finger from his mouth, leaning down. Leon leaned forward, his lips meeting yours. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as a whine left his mouth. Your hand slowly moved to his neck squeezing it just a little. His hands found your hair entangling with his right hand while his left hand gripped your neck.

He was already getting worked up, his dick hardening underneath you. You moved back letting yourself catch your breath. “You told me you play a game of cat and mouse with me right?” he mumbled, biting his baby pink lips. “Good job listening,” you mumble in a condescending tone. Leon's eyes shift to an intense stare. 

“I wouldn't mind if we kept playing… you as the cat and me as the mouse?” he asks, his voice raising in pitch, batting his eyelashes. You smirk, “Yeah I think I can arrange that baby.” you say pushing yourself off of his lap and walking over into your room. Leon smirks watching you walk to your room. 

After a minute has passed you hear Leon’s voice from your living room. “What's taking so long?” you playfully roll your eyes. “Hold tight Leon!” you yell from, chuckling slightly. Leon shifts in his seat with anticipation. He couldn’t wait for whatever you had planned for him. He heard your soft patterns come out of your room and he turned his head. He saw you had a rope in your hand. “When the fuck did you get a rope?” he asks, looking at it. 

Your hand leaves the rope to land a smack across his face. Leon whimpers at the impact, “Fuck I’m sorry, you can tie me up.” he whines out bucking his hips. “Good boy,” you murmur, rubbing your hands against his face. “Can I get naked please?” he asks, trying to give you the most innocent eyes possible.

It seemed to have worked because you started pulling down his pants and boxers. He took this as a yes and took his shirt off. He was now completely bare sitting against the very comfortable couch. “Can I tie you up now?” you ask, admiring his body. “Fuck yeah you can, god I wanna be your whore so badly,” he whined. You raised your eyebrow at his enthusiasm. He put his hands behind his back for you. You push his head down exposing the back of his neck. 

You began tying his hands together and kissing his neck. “Ahh fuck.” he mumbles feeling the fibers burn his wrists. You fist a bit of the hair on the back of his pulling his head back up. You let your fingers trace over his thighs, moving slowly towards Leon’s almost completely rock-hard cock. It was flushed with pink and dripping with pre-cum. 

You leaned down kissing him again finally letting your hand glide up to his cock. Gripping the base of it, Leon moaned into your mouth. You moved your hand painfully slow up and down on his cock. “Fuck please…” he whimpered. You pulled away from him, “Please I need to see you too.” he whined out of breath. 

You pushed his shoulders back so he hit the couch. You slid the dress off your body revealing your entire body. You had decided against wearing panties. Leon’s eyes raked over you. “Fuck I should have known you wouldn’t wear any panties. You knew you were gonna fuck me huh?” he growled looking at you. 

You slapped him again, his blush matching the bright red color on the right side of his face he adored. “Fuuuck,” he mumbled, looking back at you. “Please let me see your fucking pussy.” he whined trying to buck his hips into the air, his cock slapping his tummy. “Yeah, you wanna see my pussy? Yeah?” you asked, leaning down to Leon who was rapidly shaking his head ‘yes’. “Please, please, please Mommy,” he begged, his face bright red.

You sat down right next to him, the pudge of your thighs touching his. You spread your legs apart. Leon gasping at your body. Your left hand moving back to his cock, your right hand moving to your clit. You moved both of your hands gathering your slick occasionally with your right hand. 

Leon was in heaven breathing rapidly watching you pleasure yourself while jerking him off. It was fucking beautiful but this isn’t how he wanted to cum. “Please, let me eat you out…” he whined looking at you. You slowed your ministrations. “You don't wanna cum?” you asked with feigned pity. “I do but..” he whined looking at your fingers knuckle deep in your pussy. “Fuck I want you to use me. I want you to cum first please, god I will do anything.” his voice was exasperated.

Sweat dripped down his face, his lips swollen, cock red and dripping with his arousal. You bite your lip looking at him. “Fuck please oh my god I want you to sit on my face so bad.” he damn near screamed struggling against his ropes and bucking into the air. “Beg,” you murmur. “Please Mommy, you have to let me eat you out. I know you want to come, please let me do it. Fuck! Please please please!!” he was screaming now.

Your hand slapped over his mouth, tears rolling down his cheeks onto your hand. “You can eat me out baby calm down.” you ensure, staring at your sobbing partner. Cue the rapid “Thank yous/ your so good/ use me’s” he was dripping with tears, sweat, and precum. You straddled his head holding just about his face. “Are you sure Le- baby? I don't wanna crush you,” you say, hand rubbing the side of his face. “I WANT you to crush me, sit down please!” he begs trying to lift his head to your aching cunt. 

You managed to keep his head down with your hand. “Ok baby if you're sure,” you murmur, you gently sit down. Your thighs smothering Leon’s face. You feel his tongue start moving in and out of your sopping cunt. You gasp feeling the burning pleasure slowly start building in your lower tummy.

“Leon- fuck.” you let out a whimper, white-knuckling the couch. You couldn't understand most of what Leon was screaming into your cunt but sounded a lot like. “Fuck fuck fuck! God your so cunt is so good. That's it ride my fucking face.” whatever he was saying was vibrating your clit making his tongue feel even better. 

You went to sit up to give him some room to breathe but that was a mistake. “What are you doing, please? Come back I need you to use me like a free-use whore, fuck!” he was screaming again. Next to thrashing around for your cunt again. 

Your hand landed on his cheek bringing him out of his tantrum. His pupils were blown, still gasping for breath. “You need to catch your breath before you get to eat me out again,” you warn. “I don't wanna breathe! Just fuck me!.” he growls. You bring your hand up to his throat squeezing. “Don't be mean you know you want to. I'm just a free dick and mouth for you. You and your beautiful body. I'm just here to please you. I’m just a fucking whore.” he whines at you, wrists burning from the rope. 

“I'm not letting you taste my cunt again, just for that,” you growl, which makes his head spin. He can’t even throw another fit before you make him lay down. “Of course you make me lie down, you know my hands are still tied so I can’t do anything. M just a lil free use toy for my mommy.” he was teasing you…

You straddle his dick, slowly sinking into him. He unintentionally bucks up, dick hitting your cervix. “Ah, fuck I’m sorry I didn't mean to do that.” Leon mumbles and for the first time tonight gave you an earnest look. “Heh, it's ok Leon don't worry. Are you doing ok? Need anything right now?” he was balls deep inside of you and you were asking if needed anything…

Leon could have sworn he would have come just then. “No- no I’m good!” he says adjusting his hips, cock somehow slipping deep inside you. “Good,” you mumble, and you began moving up and down on him. Your hands brought up to your tits groping them.

“You like watching me play with myself on you baby?” you ask, to which he can only feverishly nod ‘yes’. Words have escaped Leon, his edging from earlier coming back in tenfold. “M gonna cum.” he whimpers out in fear. “Don’t wait for me first ok?” you mumble, feeling the coil in your tummy tighten your cunt hungrily absorbing Leon’s cock. “Fuck!” he shouts, wrists almost bleeding from how hard he was pulling them.

Leon’s brain was going completely blank, his neurons only able to produce TV static. “Please momma, you can come on my cock I know you can, fuck! You're so beautiful I can’t take it anymore! Just come Mommy for me please!” Leon begs his voice almost whispering. 

“God your such a good fucking whore Leon,” you mumble, hands white knuckling the couch, bouncing your body up and down. Feeling your coil snap, cunt clenching around his cock. He clenches his jaw watching the most beautiful thing he has ever seen before in his life. Your eyes roll back with fever that makes him dizzy. 

Your head falls back beads of sweat dripping on your face and neck. Cunt swallowing up his dick. Fucking hell he was in heaven. Your orgasm dies down, as you ride yourself through it. You are only able to give Leon a little nod, and he lets his orgasm rip through his body. “Fuck fuck fuck, y/n.” he whimpers, hot cum shooting inside of your cunt. 

Both of you were breathing rapidly, eyes interlocking. “Good job Leon,” you mumble kissing his hairline. Slowly moving off of his dick cum leaking out of you. “Can you sit up for me?” you ask, trying not to let it come spilling off of your thighs. “Y-yeah,” he whispers while sitting up. His back was hot and sweaty. Beads of sweat dripped down. 

You made quick work of the rope taking it off, your stomach turning slightly at the bright red and freshly bruised marks. You kiss his wrists ruffling his hair slightly. He gives you a puppy-like gleam, fuck he was so adorable. “Would you be ok if I left you for a second to clean up?” you asked, cupping his face. 

“Mhm! I’ll be right here heh,” Leon said, you pulled him into a kiss before letting him go to clean yourself up. You went pee and grabbed a towel for him as well as a glass of water. You needed to do this right for him this time. You were going to make sure you never made the same mistake again twice. 

Unfortunately, as you feared when you walked back into the living room Leon didn’t look ok. “Baby? Leon? Should I not have left? Are you ok?” you ask, rushing over to him, setting the water and towel down next to the couch. Leon's face was red but not with a blush but with tears. They prickled at the corners of his eyes, your arms pulling him close to you. A small sob racked through his body, hands covering his face as he fell into your touch. 

“I’m so sorry Leon, I know this has probably been hard for you. I’m so sorry for that. I’m going to do better, I promise nothing we just did was real. It’s all pretend pretty boy. You're not a whore, your safe with me ok? I’m going to work hard to earn your trust ok?” you whisper into his ear, slowly stroking his hair. You know he can hear you, you also know letting him cry might be the best thing right now. 

This no doubt has brought up a lot of feelings for him, and that's ok. “Can you try taking some deep breaths? You don’t have to stop breathing but I need you to breathe ok?” you ask in the softest voice you can muster. You place your hands on his chest. He nods against your thighs, wet tears smearing around. You can feel him calling himself down with the occasional hiccups. “Good job.” you praise kissing the back of his neck. 

You coddled him for a few more minutes before he agreed to let you clean him up a bit. He sat like a kicked puppy on the couch letting you use the soft microfiber towel to clean around his groin and tummy. Holding his cup of water with both of his hands gulping some of it down.

He was quietly staring at your hands to clean him up. “Do you want a bath or a shower?” you ask, setting the towel on the side. “Um, can we have a shower please?” He asks, still feeling off from everything. You take his cup of water, set it down, and help him up to the shower, turning it on at the perfect temperature that nearly melted Leon as he stepped in. 

“I’m sorry for crying, I just got reminded of that night. I felt so alone,” he mumbled, clearly embarrassed. “Hey don’t say sorry for crying I’m sure you felt a lot. Let’s get you clean ok?” he nods, before wrapping his arms around you. “I’m not sure how this is going to work between us but if you want I would love to be your boyfriend.” He whispers into your ear. 

You pull away from the hug hot water dripping down your bodies. “I would love to be with you Leon,” you whisper, kissing him. His hands snake around your waist pulling you flush against him. The two of you melding your bodies together. 

After a very loving shower to contrast the feelings of earlier you two got dressed (you forced Leon into one of your shirts that was too short for him but you certainly didn’t mind. His arms wrapped around you, his nose nuzzling into your neck. His soft snores filled the room. You never wanted to let go of this moment. 

If only you two knew what lay ahead of Leon in Racoon City…

[trickstermoonjuice]

GRIEF IS FUCKING WEIRD

My only pet died, suddenly & unfairly- all death feels that way, but truly- it was unfair.

I feel like it went from technicolor to black & white, like the sunshine is on mute & cant warm me up, I feel people hugging me- but it feels like steel bars squeezing. I don't drink water, but the tears are fat and juicy- where is all this hydration from? and how long until I cry dust or pass out.

Everything sucks.

But that's because I loved her sooooo much, and so unapologetically - fully knowing she would die someday.- my roomates are mourning her too- she would wait by the door with them while i went to work, and if i entered the back- shed RUN to meow at me & demand picked up- that cat LOVED me. She was my best friend. And now she's physically gone, but our love is still here- its comming out of my eyes. Its coming out of my fists when i punch the bag, its coming out of my legs when i run to clear my head- grief is fucking weird. Its created by love and kicks in when love has been perceived to be gone- grief is loves receipt. That's the point. That's the whole point of this breathing and being a live thing. Love love love love- turns into grief grief grief grief- but it's all the same.

The legacy of ditchwater sal the stinky barn kitten turned skateboarding/mouse bapping fluffy racoon princess will live on, because I do- and now you know about her too.

Hug your fluffy babies. For me and Ditch.

[hatsunevitu]

okay this might seem like a lil bit controversial topic but please imagine tfbw but if cartman knew what fancervice and queerbait meant. like. are you really telling me he wouldn’t use it to get more fans and attention and money? please. so i strongly believe he’d make kyle participate in this shit with him to get more profit, and when kyle found out about new romantic-ish scenes between human kite and racoon that cartman had just written into the script for human kite’s movie… kyle’d get completely furious so he went to cartman’s basement and tried to make a scene.

(also i know i can’t call super craig a side character but i believe kyle actually thinks that the main characters are the racoon and human kite. no offense to craig tho. oh and just in case: i do not support queerbaiting!!)

k: Fatass!

c: What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at home reading your script!

k: I did read the script! And what the hell are all those scenes you’ve added? They make no sense!

c: Do not question my narrator’s talent, jew. I’m the one who’s in charge of writing, your task is to memorise it and worship me for all my hard work.

k: Really? Oh, really? “Hard work”, you say? What is this fucking moment, you fat piece of shit?

c: Which one, Kahl? Please, elaborate.

k: “The Racoon is on the verge of death, fighting for every breath, so Human Kite heroically decides to give him mouth-to-mouth. The camera switches to the reaction of other Friends, but loud sounds of CPR can be heard behind the scenes”.

c: Pretty dramatic, huh? I really outdid myself, didn’t I?

k: The whole new script is full of this shit! What’s the matter, Cartman?

c: You know, just decided to make your movie more inclusive and… spicy. Are you against it?

k: Yes! Yes, I am against it, I don’t want to participate in this! There are so many actually homosexual people and by doing this you erase them. That is wrong, unethical and also it’s freaking gay!

c: A-huh. So did I get it correctly, Kahl, that you don’t want to make our characters closer ‘cause that is in your opinion, and I quote, “gay”? What are you, homophobic?

k: Knock it off! Stop twisting my words, that is not what I said!

c: Then I see no reasons to reject my offer, Kyle.

k: It’s just so inappropriate and wrong!

c: What’s wrong about two male characters being close and emotionally attached to each other?

k: Everything! If it’s me and you – everything is wrong! Where’s the catch, Fatass? I will not believe for a single minute that you’re doing it for inclusion of minorities.

c: …Well, okay. I guess… I guess it is time for you to learn this.

k: Learn what? What are you talking about, Cartman?

c: Have you ever heard the word “queerbaiting”, Kyle?

k: Uh… no. What’s that?

c: Let me start with another question. Who do you think is the most popular character in Racoon and Friends?

k: Um-m-m… I don’t know, probably you?

c: Wrong! It’s not me, Kahl. And wipe that smirk off your face, ‘cause it’s not you either.

k: Then who?

c: Super Craig.

k: What? This can’t be… You’re the main character, he can’t be more popular than you or me! It makes no sense!

c: That’s what I thought! When I first saw the character popularity rank I started thinking… Where was my mistake? How is it possible for a side character like Super Craig to be more popular than me and you? Is it his character design? His backstory? His role in the plot? I was seeking for answers for hours until I finally realised…

k: Realised what? Come on, stop wasting my time!

c: Patience, Kyle, patience. It’s the most important trait for a superhero. So, let me continue. The main reason of popularity when it comes to Netflix… The reason why everyone loves Super Craig so much… The gayness, Kyle.

k: …Huh?

c: That’s right, you heard it correctly. The gayness. Homosexual orientation immediately makes a male character more attractive to fans.

k: …That’s stupid.

c: No, Kahl! There can be no mistake! I looked through the popularity rate of Freedom Pals and guess who the most favorite is there?

k: No way…

c: Yes way, Kahl! It’s fucking Wonder Tweek! The one with the most lousy backstory I’ve ever seen! The fans are completely in love with his cute little dramatic breakup with his boyfriend. Can you imagine it?!

k: Wow… That’s…

c: I understand how shocked you are now, but that’s not the end. Then I’ve heard the term “queerbaiting” and that is so goddamn genius, man, you’ll just love it! It’s when two dudes, who are not directly said to be homosexuals, show some gay hints here and there.

k: So?..

c: Don’t you get it, Kyle? It’s just hints! You don’t have to *actually* be gay, the fans will just fill the blanks themselves! It saves a lot of troubles with homophobes and laws in foreign countries, but you can still make money on gay jokes! That’s sweet, dude!

k: Wait, and do you expect people to actually buy it?

c: …Who are the most popular rivals in DC?

k: Batman and Joker?

c: Who are the most popular characters themselves?

k: …Batman and Joker. Dude… what the fuck?…

c: See? Told you!

k: So you want us to be gay so we become the most liked ones?

c: Yes, if you put it simple.

k: That’s… kind of messed up.

c: Oh my god, we won’t be *really* gay. Just… hints or something.

k: O-okay… Just to be clear: there won’t be any weird moments we have to actually take part in, will there?

c: What do you mean?

k: Like… um… I don’t know, some too-gay shit like holding hands or really kissing?

c: I will hope so. Believe me, Kahl, I like it no more than you do.

k: Well… Are you sure they’ll all like it?

c: Totally!

k: Oh, god, I feel like there is some kind of a trap, but…

c: Think about money, Kyle. The large, unthinkable pile of money and fame for just small scenes with some remotely gay-ish dialogues. That thought must calm your little jewish soul.

k: …Just so you know, I still fucking hate you. And I’m doing it only because I don’t think it’s right for a side character to be more popular than the main ones.

c: Whatever makes you sleep at night, Kyle. Whatever makes you sleep at night…

[chaosfantasmic]

LINKS FANFIC INTRODUCTION IS HERE!!!😲😲😲😲😲👉*your gay*

well y'all polled it out, and here you. (Also if this is bad I'm sorry I'd pay for your therapy but I'm broke so🤷)

....

Oh of all times to get dumped into a new hyrule THIS was it? They had just been in the captains era and there were hoards of monsters as usual, what was up with that why the hell did he need so many? But point is, at the end of the fight wind had a VERY FUCKING BAD concussion, some bitchey bokoblin socked him the head, yknow but Hyrule would just give him a little red potion and he'd be alright the next morning. But NOOOOOO hylia had to be a fat fucking bitch and open a portal FROM UNDER THEM!? Ok that's inconvenient but at least they were all together, wrong, very shitting wrong, it just so happens that the very badly injured one (im talking about wind) did not come with them, so now they were in god knows what era, with no idea where wind is or weather or not he's still ALIVE, and worse of all it was NIGHTIME, so they couldn't go looking for him, which meant they were forced to set up camp while there injured brother was off somewhere in this place (cause god this hyrule was HUGE, like even wild agreed it was BIG), so yea, it wasn't looking to great.

.....

(WIND POV CHANGE WOOSH WOOSH TRANSITION TRANSITION😲🖕)

Where am I? Why is it....so..dark? Oh, it's nightime. What happened why-, oh yea, I remember now we were in wars hyrule fighting all the damn monsters there, and I got...hit..in the head with a bat..and I got a concussion and then a portal opened up and I'm here.

When the sailor sat upright his head immediately started throbbing like crazy, he clutched his head and groaned

"Annnd there's the concussion." Wind cursed

He grumbled, did he really have to get dropped all alone in the woods of god knows where at night, with a concussion might he add.

The forest was pitch black, either that or he was starting to hallucinate, the only sound was the hum of the crickets and the calm flow of a nearby river

But wind was anything but calm. His head was bleeding like a river and orange and purple spots started to cloud his vision.

Should he at least try to stand up? No no that's not a good idea, he could barley lift up his arm without nearly being exhausted.

"ok calm down wind, calm down, your brothers are here...somewhere, they'll Probobly find you....eventually...maybe....hopefully."

"They're not coming."

And that was when wind realised just how shitty his current situation was.

He could very well die if he didn't do something, which you really can't when your on the verge of passing out. Was he really going to die, no no he couldn't die, what about granny and aryll and the rest of his brothers, what would they think?

The sailor knew that there wasn't much time left before he lost consciousness, so he did the last thing he could think of, with the last of his strength, he shakily mouthed out

"Help."

....

(HEY! TRANSITION!, POV SWITCH BITCHES RAAAAA)

Well help did come

Out of the corner of Winds eye, he saw a small figure, standing amongst the trees, holding a....racoon? Ok he was definitely hallucinating now.

"Ok buddy, It looks like I have some business to attend to, you promise to visit me tomorrow ya?" The mysterious person spoke as they let the racoon jump out of there hands, letting it run off into the woods.

Wind couldn't make out there face, it was covered by a thick green hood.

The person walked up and crouched down beside him, eyeing his head, they grimaced

"Eesh, what creature did this to you?" They said

They shuffled around in there pocket before pulling out a wad of bandages and a thick rag, they set the rag on the spot where winds head was bleeding

"There that should soak up most of the blood-ICK! Gee when did i last wash this thing?"

The rest was a blur to wind, his vision had started to fail him, his ears started ringing, and everything was blurry. All he remembered was a bandage over his head, and the warm orange glow of a fire

"Don't worry, your ok." The person said softly as he drifted off into unconsciousnes

....

Heeeey you finished it, oh Majesty has something to tell you!

[prisma-lune]

Miguel O'Hara x gender neutral character, implied transmasc character, dimensional travel, x-men evolutions characters (general)

Nsfw +18

[Includes biting, scratching, blood kink, primal kink(?), mild violence]

Summary: A good citizen finds a mysterious man injured in an alley. Turns out it was a vampiric Spider-Man from another universe!

“Holy shit!” the person jumped at a loud crashing of metal in the alleyway. They figured it was a wild racoon having a battle with a possum or feral cat. They tried to walk faster but then heard a groan from the dark. On any other night they would’ve ignored the noise and moved on, but they were tired of the city ignoring the helpless. Just the other day, they almost got stabbed trying to stop a mugging, but their trusty albeit illegal pepper spray helped them from that. Of course they ran from the scene and were unrecognizable given they’re dark plain clothes. So far the police hadn’t stopped by their house, so they assumed they were safe. They heard the crying out again and cringed, turning back around and into the alley. It was a man in a weird black suit that was torn in several places.

“Hey, are you alright dude?” they crept towards the man on the ground.

“Dana…” it was a cry for someone unknown and they rushed to their side.

“Fuck! You need a hospital, you’re all beat up.” they’re eyes grew wide again, how was this lunatic still alive?

“No hospital, just leave me alone.” he waved his hand at them, and they shook their head.

“No way dude, you’re all messed up. I got it no hospital. Just come with me, I have a med kit at my place.” funny enough their apartment was at the corner of the block. They hoisted them up, the man half conscious. They made sure no one was around and dragged him into the building. Thankful for just one flight of stairs inside. They fumbled with their keys, and got the door open, sweaty and panting from carrying almost dead weight. They plopped him on the couch and locked the door, closing any curtain left open and leaving the lights as dim as possible. “Alright, we’re here, just let me get the kit, clean you up and you can leave.” They rushed to the closet scanning for the bag of medical supplies.

“Okay dude, let me just get a look at you.” they reached for him but he retracted.

“I said, leave me alone!” the shout felt like a direct pulse to their head, making them drop to their knees in pain.

“What the fuck!" The man stood tall, their hair curled at the ends and glowered at them. He looked like a wild animal. They crawled away and the man stalked closer.

"Who are you?" His hand moved so quickly they almost missed it. They unsheathed a weapon, or weapons. Knives?

"I'm Reese, I was helping you." They didn't want to reach for their pepper spray but they felt they had no choice.

"Fat chance." They were claws, the man had claws. Reese had seen some weird things in their day but this was new.

"Listen, you passed out in the alley, I was on my way home, I don't know where you came from. But I was just trying to help. You can leave, I won't say anything." The man hesitated, and looked around, considering it. Reese was about to spray them but they recognized the red symbol on the suit, which was actually a dark blue. "Wait, you're Spider-Man? But how?" He hissed and grabbed them, the claws tearing into their shirt. Their eyes were glowing red, and it was terrifying.

"Shut up, you don't know anything. And you can kiss yourself goodbye." He opened his mouth wider and Reese froze, there were fangs! Oh shit. They were not dying today, not over this. They sprayed the monster's face and he wailed in pain, the shirt tearing and dropping them to the floor.

"Fuck you vampire dude, I'm not dealing with this!" He was on the floor kneeling and they ran out the door. The park was nearby and if they made it in time they could lose them there. The subway risked others getting hurt. They ran as fast as they could, hoping to reach some bushes and hide out there. They barely made it halfway when they were lifted into the air and yanked upwards. They couldn't help but cry out in surprise. They landed on a roof with thud, and Reese almost threw up.

"You saw my face." He retracted his claws again, but this time wearing a mask, making it menacing.

"I saved your life Spider-Man, you're really gonna kill me?" There was a weird sound from the sky and the man grabbed them, pushing them against a brick wall and chimney, barely able to fit. But the monster man held them close, covering their whole body. Reese had to keep their composure, the suit skin tight and pressing on everything.

"Head down." A weird aircraft hovered over the roof, almost like a fan. It started scanning the area with a laser like machine. It didn’t get past the tight space they were hiding in, so it flew away.

"What the hell was that?" They whispered.

"Quiet, or they'll find us." He hissed.

"Who?" He covered their mouth with their large hand, the claws like needles on their skin. Reese felt their legs start to buckle from the lack of air, but the man released them and they gasped. He rolled his eyes.

"I couldn't breathe." They were starting to get annoyed with this man's attitude.

"They're looking for me." He stared off into space as if expecting the hovercraft to come back.

"Get me down from here and we’ll forget this ever happened." They were trying to squeeze past them but the man didn't budge.

"No. I'm not leaving you alone."

"I don't even know who you are! Just take me home." He hissed, holding his side, as blood pooled on his hand. Their eyes widened, and they took off the sweater they were wearing, leaving themselves in just a tank top, they wrapped it around the man as a tourniquet. "Look, you're still hurt, I can help, I used to work at the Emergency room at the hospital."

"Fine." He grabbed onto them and pulled them close, using a web shooter to latch onto a tall building. Before they could adjust they were already swinging back to the house, and it started to rain. "Come on vamp, we're almost there." The water had already soaked through their clothes and it was uncomfortable, but they focused on getting them inside. They plopped them onto the couch and dug the med kit for bandages and sutures. Washing their hands and sanitizing what they could.

"It's going to heal, just let me rest." He groaned.

"Fine, but right now you're bleeding out on my couch." They quickly set up a small tray and everything else. "I'm going to need to take off the suit." He was breathing heavily but stopped them, and he slowly lifted up the top himself. Aside from the well defined muscle, there was a deep cut. They got to work, cleaning whatever was dirty and then dressing the wound. He was right, it was already slowly closing, but they didn't care, they wanted to avoid any risk.

"I'm guessing your vampire powers help."

"I'm not a vampire." He growled, "It's my own powers."

"Fine. At least it's clean and covered, just rest here. I'm getting cold." The Spider-Man looked at them up and down, their clothes hugging their body and revealing everything's shape. He looked away trying to avoid staring. They put away the materials and threw away any refuse, washing their hands thoroughly in the bathroom. They showered as fast as possible and got dressed. To their relief the man was still resting on her couch and they watched him to see if he was breathing. They were about to reach out to check his temperature but he grabbed their hand.

"What are you doing?" He glared at them with his red eyes, the fangs slightly visible. They guess when he was annoyed or angry they would come out on reflex. Maybe they were just permanent.

"You're still wet from the rain. I think you should get changed." They said calmly. The man stared at them for a moment, their body now more visible with less clothes. Reese was unbothered, focused on the task at hand.

"I'll be fine." He looked away.

"Listen vamp, I don't know how you got here or who hurt you, but you need to work with me. I could've just left you in that alley." He looked annoyed and he sighed. They passed him a clean towel and some clothes. "I wear a size up, so it should fit you."

"My name is Miguel O'Hara, not vamp." They both stared at each other and then they went back to the room to put their clothes in the hamper.

"Okay Mr. O'Hara, just get changed, and relax. You're safe here." He started to undress in front of them and Reese had to turn away. They may have been a medic at some point but they still gave people privacy.

"So I can only guess you fell out of the sky to make such a loud fall. Did your web break?" They spoke aloud, their back to the Spider-Man.

"I fell through a portal. Now I need to find another and get back." More like thrown, but they didn't need to know that. They figured he'd be done getting dressed but he was just taking off his pants. They turned back around, clearing their throat.

"Well shit, guess those do exist. You're probably from a different dimension."

"How do you know about dimensions?" He scoffed.

"I assume anything is possible. If superheroes and magic are real, why can't other dimensions be? And we already have our own Spider-Man." Reese had a point, which annoyed Miguel even more.

"Shut up. You talk too much." They rolled their eyes.

"Hey, none of that. I'm just trying to be friendly." He seemed to have a conflict with what they said, and grabbed them from behind. They couldn't hold back the gasp leaving their throat.

"Listen, we're not friends, we're not even acquaintances." His breath was hot on their skin and the claws pricked them like thorns on their neck. "I should just paralyze you where you stand." They could hear the growl in his voice. They could feel the teeth, but they kept the neutral expression on their face. Unfazed now by this man's intimidation.

"Go ahead Mr. O'Hara." He let go and let out a frustrated sigh. This stranger was so composed and weirdly indifferent.

"I'm leaving." He popped open a window, and there was a storm coming in.

"Good luck with finding your portal." Reese dismissed him and slammed the window shut after he left. They dropped themselves on the couch and let out a breath. This would be the last time they helped anyone again. An actual Spider-Man from a different dimension was just in their house and they were an asshole. It was a disappointment.

"Fuck that." They were annoyed and just went to sleep. Their grocery shift tomorrow was an early one, then the bar shift started at seven. They had flashes of fangs and claws in their mind.

"God, my feet are killing me." The patrons at the bar were lively since it was a Friday night, and they stayed until two in the morning cleaning the bar with their coworkers. Thankfully it was successful with tips and overall pay. They started winding down, and decided on a drink for themselves. A huge bottle of moscato was chilling in the fridge as a late night snack. They were halfway done with a second glass when their window popped open. They thought they locked it after the man had left. A burglar at this hour and in this area was unheard of.

"Mr. O'Hara, well you're a sight for sore eyes." It was the grumpy Spider-Man from last night crawling into their apartment. They weren't annoyed but found it funny instead. The man pulled off his mask and bent down to face them on their couch. Reese was too tired and tipsy to care about how he could tear them to shreds. Hell, if it happened they'd enjoy it, but they shook that away. He was a random man from an unknown future. They had no idea what their deal was besides being pursued and wanting to get back to their world.

"I can't find your Spider-Man anywhere. What world is this?" He leaned against the couch, their body over them. Reese tapped their chin, amused at his attempted aggression. He pulled back, surprised at their lax nature.

"Well this is Earth, and what do you mean you can't find them? Aren't they in the neighborhood?" They laughed at their own joke. Their Spider-Man wasn't active in years save for a few instances. Time passed and they figured he was older now, probably retired. He glared at them but said nothing. The eyes really were red, and Reese hated it. It gave off an evil animalistic aura.

"If you're from the future can't you just use a device to tell you what's up? I figured they'd give you things like that." They rolled their eyes and sighed.

"I did, but I must've left it here. It wasn't in the alley." He stood up and looked around.

"Well feel free to look for it and never bother me again." Reese got up and put the glass down and going to the bathroom, ready for bed. They stepped out and the futuristic Spider-Man was holding on to a weird looking cell-phone and tapped on the screen several times.

"Oh good, you got it." It looked fascinating, but they didn't want to quell their curiosity.

"This is Earth-96283. The worst one." He looked annoyed but maybe scared?

"Excuse me? What do you mean by 'the worst one'?" They took offense, they lived in this earth after all.

"You are the most uneventful Earth in over a decade. Most of your villains are dead or gone. And no other heroes live in the city or try to be around."

"Psh, the Revengers are still here. I don't know about the X-men or anyone else though."

"X-MEN?"

"Nevermind, you wouldn't understand." but he did, it was just an old name.

"Do you know someone on this Earth that can make portals?"

"Hm, Strange maybe? But he's inaccessible. What you need is a scientist."

"Sure, let me just walk up to a university and tell them to make me a portal."

"Hell, maybe you can." The blue Spider-Man's eyes lit up.

"Tell me how you are so aware of these things?" They shrugged.

"I…used to want to be a scientist, but I'm just a regular ex-medic. I saw a lot of things back then. Heard stories. Took a lot of science classes. Nothing else. I don't have powers, just a brain that got me an ER job, but I couldn’t even keep that ." Why was Reese expressing this to a stranger they didn't know. He shook his head and kept tapping at the device. Lyla their assistant, wasn't working.

"Look Mr. O'Hara, you got your phone and you know where you are. Hopefully you can get back home. Wherever that may be. And you can see your friend Dana again." He stiffened.

"How do you know that name?" His head turned to their direction.

"Dana? You called it out when you dropped into the alley. I thought-" he growled and pushed them against the doorframe of the bedroom.

"Don't make assumptions. You don't know anything." He looked at them up and down, noticing they were only wearing a thin shirt and shorts. Reese looked straight at them, even though they hated their eyes.

"Fine asshole, I don't, now get the hell out." They were seriously not in the mood to play nice anymore. And the need for the man to close the space made them feel weird. They tried getting away but it was like pushing a wall.

"Why do you do that?" He raised a brow.

"Do what?" Reese was confused at his sudden change in attitude. Their eyes darted anywhere but to his face.

"Play tough, when I know you're scared." He reached closer and Reese gripped the door frame, nails digging into the wood. He needed to back off or they'd do something they'd regret.

"I'm not playing tough, I don't like you and it's clear you don't like me. When I'm nice you don't listen." They were trapped, and they didn't know how to get away. How was this the same weakened man who cried out for help?

"Your heartbeat says otherwise. I can see you tremble, even in the dark. You even smell different." Excuse me? What was he saying? Reese may have been a bit afraid, but more so at how they were making them feel. I guess like animals, he could sense things outside the norm. Anger wasn't an emotion they wanted to express so outwardly to a stranger, but he could tell. As for the strange warmth in their belly, they pushed it aside. He used a claw to trace downwards to their stomach and Reese almost inched forward. They couldn't help but get goosebumps, and swallowed hard trying to retain their composure.

"You're not a hero, Reese. So don't act brave when you can't even stop someone like me." They gave them a death stare. It's like they forgot that they were subdued by some good old pepper spray. Reese tried to sound threatening but it came out shaky.

"Mr. O'Hara, if I need to I will hurt you." He smiled, and got closer to the hem of their shirt, the claw catching the cloth and pulling it upwards. If they let him go any further, it would end up in a messy tangle. He was cocky, and that would be his undoing. Reese thought for a moment, adrenaline pushing the alcohol further into their body. And now their mind was flooded with red. They smirked at them playing along, and slid their arms up on his chest and wrapped them around his neck. The man was caught in their trap, following their lead and letting them get closer. Their top half was bare, but they didn't care. They traced their tongue lightly across the man’s nape, pressing as close to them as possible. The man buckled into them, and something grew hard against their groin. When they felt ready, they bit down as hard they could, drawing blood. He screamed in pain and threw them into their room, their head hitting the dresser and knocking things down. The iron tasted fresh in their mouth, and they wiped off the rest, laughing. Their head spun from the impact and they couldn't get up in time. The man rushed to them, grabbing Reese and tossing them into their bed.

"You bitch." His claws pinned them down by the shoulders, and his legs over theirs. They just laughed at the craziness and looked straight at him, daring him to prove how horrible he was.

"Yeah, I'm looking straight at one." They were surprised at themselves for being able to cause that much injury to a superhero, but they really did bite with as much force as possible. The wound was already starting to close up and he was towering over them, fangs bared.

"Why did you do that?" He growled, but it sounded like a defensive animal. They spat at him.

"Creeps like you think you can just do whatever you want. Hero or not, you're a monster." He looked annoyed and pressed harder, leaving the marks on their skin. They hissed in pain and thrashed around, wanting to be let go before they lost control.

"I am a monster." Reese looked at the man, shocked at his admission. "But I can tell you are too." He dropped the full weight of his pelvis on top of them, and Reese groaned. He chuckled in their ear and reached to pull down their shorts, along with their underwear, the claws ripping up the fabric. Reese froze, unsure of what was going to happen.

"You like being rough don't you? That's why you're not afraid of getting hurt by me." Him specifically, anyone else would've been sent to the grave.

"Shut up, you don't know anything. I was only trying to help you." They couldn't even move their legs, he had pinned them with his lower body, the heat of their lower halves driving Reese mad, but they had to calm down. This was a total stranger, a hot, monstrous stranger. Miguel loosened his grip and Reese could breathe, but now they were stuck underneath him.

"And you did. But now you want something from me. Is that it?" They couldn't say anything, being alone for so long was clouding their judgment of this situation. Reese closed their eyes trying to calm down, not wanting to look at his face. His very pretty and angry face. He breathed into their neck, the fangs brushing against them, and Reese's hips started to move on their own. He chuckled, the claws reaching towards his own suit, pulling them down. He grabbed their wrists with one hand and pulled their arms up, their back arched at the feel of a talon along their body. He used his knuckle to rub against them and Reese let out a gasp, unable to keep their eyes closed any longer. They almost felt a finger but closed their legs. Annoyed that they were able to make them react that way.

"Yeah, there's that stare only a beast would have." He licked their neck and continued teasing them. They tried to keep quiet but, whatever Miguel was doing, it was going to make them call out loudly. He was already getting drunk off their scent, everything heightened by their superhuman senses, this person was addictive. Another reason why he came back.

"Mr. O'Hara, I won't be able to control myself if you keep going." Their eyes were hooded and thirsty for him. Good.

He stopped and let go of them, reaching towards their groin. His mouth taking in their sex. His tongue lapping around it with a hunger Reese never experienced. They gripped the man's wavy hair, pushing them to go deeper, and he obliged. Reese could feel their body grow light, and their legs began twitching, they gripped his head tighter, squeezing them in between his thighs. "Oh god." And they released into his mouth, having to catch their own scream before it alerted the whole building. They threw their head back, unable to focus their gaze, panting as they released the vamp.

"I'm not done." Miguel looked up at them, and something inside of Reese just snapped.

They grabbed the man and pushed their tongue down his throat, moaning, and biting his lip in the process. He pulled back, standing up to pull off the top half of his suit, completely naked in front of them. The claws were not retractable on his limbs, and they had some sort of spikes jutting out from the back of their arms, but Reese didn't care, they looked fucking amazing. They kneeled on the bed, reaching for his face. "Fuck me. If you’re wondering what I'm like under my mask, then fuck me until it breaks." His eyes widened and he pushed them back on the bed, gripping their ass with the claws. Reese didn't care if they left marks, they wanted to feel everything.

He parted their legs and the tip of their dick teased the entrance of their hole. Reese wrapped their legs around him and clawed at his back. He growled and pushed into them, letting out a cry in pleasure. The slick on their body making it easier to thrust harder and faster. "Fuck, keep going." His facial expression made Reese laugh, he looked so heated and focused. As if he never had something this good before.

"Trying to hold back? Don't." With that he thrusted harder, hugging them close, the claws digging into their soft flesh, even drawing blood. The sopping wet sounds echoing in the room, it felt like he wasn't going to stop until they both couldn't recover.

"Dam it, you're so fucking wet." With that he spread their legs even farther and pulled out slowly then slammed himself into them. It wasn't until Reese's mind went blank and their vision blurred that Miguel started to shake and go faster. Nothing but the feeling of their hot cock mattered, as it went further in each time. They were both reaching their limit. Reese cried out, unable to keep their body still, moving along with them. Miguel moaned as they pumped them up with their cum, instantly biting into their neck. "Good boy vamp." Their body started to tingle and go numb. Unable to move. They didn't panic, and figured that it was the overstrain causing it. Miguel kissed their lips and Reese barely managed that. What a surprise.

"I'm going to need to help you. I accidentally paralyzed you with my venom."

"Shit. Okay." They tried to keep calm, and let the man adjust them on the bed.

"It'll go through your body and wear off eventually. I'm sorry, I went overboard." He put the blanket over them.

"I'm fine, just wait with me." Reese slurred but thankful they were able to talk and feel. The man nodded and stayed with them, Reese already tired and just allowing themselves to drift off. When they woke up they rushed to the bathroom. Miguel was gone and they almost thought it was a dream, but the stinging cuts on their back, and bite mark made it clear that it wasn't.

"Fuck." How were they going to hide this while working at the bar.

They were going to brush their teeth but cut themselves on their bottom lip, a drop of blood falling into the sink. Reese looked at the mirror again, noticing their canines were sharper and the nails on their fingers were longer.

"Oh my fucking god."

[synthleeius]

ANTEATER.

i still dont knoe what that is im gonna google it

oh yeah um what the FUCK IS THAT. IS THAT A FUCKING RACOON??? WHYS ITS TONGUE OUT WHYS IT SO LONG WHYS IF GOT A BIG ASS NOSE AND A FAT ASS WHY IS IT STRAWY RHE CLAWS IT LOOMS EVIL FET AWAY FORM ME GET AWAY NOW THAT THING SERIOUSLY LOOKS LIKE ITS GONNA EAT ME THATS ACRUAL NIGHTMARE MATERIAL

[sailorsenshishitposter]

MGR office au part 5 - a day in the life of Mistral

Mistral returned to her room and placed her money that she had won from Sam in her purse. Her luxury Chanel purse. After all, her blood demanded that she only use the finest things from France. She sat down in her "chair" (that she had made from multiple dwarf gekkos) and began to sigh. Unless she was near her boss Armstrong or working at her job, she found her days quite dull.

She went over to her night stand and brushed her thumb over her hardcopy of L'Étranger longingly. She looked over the walls of her room (which totally did not look like a bdsm dungeon) and decided that tomorrow was the day that she would win the heart of her boss. She soon went to sleep and the dwarf gekkos were just glad that they had survived another night of not being torn apart to become furniture or to be used as a fisting toy.

Dawn of the First Day - 72 hours remain -

What better way to a man's heart than through his stomach? Mistral was used to doing the saying more literally than figuratively but she figured that she should give cooking a chance. After all, many of the greatest chefs were French. She looked over several cook books and decided that she would make duck confit. She had cured it last night so all that was needed to be done was to cook it. She placed the duck in the pan and coated it in fat, then added a layer of foil. She set the oven to 210°F and all that was left was to let it slow cook over the next eight hours.

While she waited she decided the best way to kill time was to do some shopping. Off she went to buy more Dior products. After a long day she returned to headquarters and went to check on the oven in the kitchen. To her horror, the door was left wide open and her duck confit was gone. "Merde, my food!" She then heard what sounded like a racoon gnawing on something. She looked under the table and found the cause. "SUNDOWNER!" There was her coworker hunched under the table, trying his best to discreetly eat a duck.

"WAIT! I CAN EXPLAIN! Listen, it just smelled so good and I was so hungry!" Her eyes narrowed. "Did I mention that I grew up in poverty?" Mistral then went on a tangent about how they all had to survive growing up and that she didn't give two shits. "You owe me, you imbecile!" She had had enough. Mistral would think of something better tomorrow.

Dawn of the Second Day - 48 hours remain -

"Alright Sundowner, here is the plan. I need you to convince Armstrong to meet me in my room." The bald man scratched his scalp. "How the hell am I supposed ta do that?" Mistral took out a dwarf gekko hand and bonked him with it. "Figure that out yourself! I must go prepare." She then promptly left to return to her room. "Woman. Can't understand em'. Well I guess I better go before she tries to stomp on my balls again."

He then went to Monsoon for help. He knocked on the door and soon the cyborg opened it. "I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS! Just kidding, what do you want?" Sundowner then discussed how he would set up a diversion while Monsoon would plant a note in their bosses office. "And what makes you think that I'll help you?" Half a second later and Sundowner was now holding his steam deck. Monsoon gulped. "Alright, you win."

Ah, there was Armstrong. "BOSS, I NEED YER HELP!" The Senator sighed. "What is it now?" Sundowner began to wave his arms around. "I CAN'T EXPLAIN, THERE'S NO TIME! HURRY!" Soon Armstrong was following Sundowner down the corridor. - Cut to mission Impossible music - Suddenly Monsoon is shown upside down on the ceiling. He went to turn off his anti gravity field only to come tumbling down like a jenga tower. "Fuck." After restacking his bionicle body he gently placed the note on his superiors desk. "Time to get out of here."

Finally Sundowner and Armstrong had arrived at one of the public bathrooms. "Alright, tell me what's the problem?" The man struggled to think of an excuse on the spot. " I... uh.. I.. cut myself... shaving?" Armstrong's eyes turned red. "WHAT!? YOU BROUGHT ME ALL THE WAY HERE FOR THIS!? GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I DOCK YOUR PAY!" Once the man was gone, Sundowner slid down against the bathroom tile. "Well, I've done everythin' she told me to so she better be grateful!"

Upon returning to his personal office, Armstrong had noticed a small note on his desk. "Meet me in room 403. Your secret admirer." He began to blush. The last time anyone had fancied him was his college days. "Well let's meet this mysterious admire then." He went up to the door and opened it. He was greeted by the sight of someone laying on their stomach lazily, stark naked and they were proudly displaying their large rump. "Who is it now?" the voice called out. Armstrong walked in and got a closer look. "SAM!?"

Mistral was on her bed in an expensive pair of lingerie. "What's taking him so long?" She then heard a knock at her door and rushed to answer it, only to be greeted by Monsoon. "Oh. What do you want, I'm expecting someone?" The man chuckled. "I think you might want to see this." They walked down the hall only to hear shouting. Mistral realized it was that of her boss and her coworker Sam. "WHY ARE YOU NAKED!?" followed by "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!?" Soon everything clicked in her head. "SUNDOWNER!"

Dawn of the Final Day - 24 hours remain -

Mistral paced back and forth. "That's it! I'm going to let him know how I feel. And Sundowner can't ruin it for me this time!" She went down to her superiors office. "Mistral? What are you do-" She placed her finger to his lips, silencing him. "It was me all along boss. I'm your secret admirer. Je t’aime de toute mon âme. Will you be mine?" Her boss readjusted his glasses. "I'm flattered Mistral, but I'll tell you what I already told Sundowner. (Sundowner? Her mind went blank.) I make it a habit not to let my love life be involved with my work. In other words, I don't date clients. I'm sure you understand."

Mistral soon became lightheaded. "No way! Sundowner did this on purpose! I'll kill him!" she thought to herself and she soon passed out and fell over. "Mistral?"

[southernbluebellereader]

Bc I live out in the country, I've opened the side door and just seen like 4 fuckin deer out behind the fence. Price would be like what the fuck, how is that normal?

Like sir you gotta slow down at night so you don't hit various deer at various places. It's just what happens. Like wym you're scared of the racoon??? He's just a fat baby! -🦇

LMAOO I live in the suburbs, but there's forest and trees EVERYWHERE and I can't tell you how many times a deer has tried to jump the fence of my parents' back yard to get to the garden and they just-

get stuck. like STUCK STUCK. Usually they somehow wiggle themselves out and run away. Price was damn near ready to shoot the deer from the door. Or like when you gotta pick up the neighborhood racoon from out your trash. It's once a week, this little raccoon is in your trash, Price is like "What in the hell is that?" Gun ready, going out to the garage. You just sigh, follow him, then go to the trashcan, and somehow pull out this fat ass raccoon and let him be on his way. Let's just say Price ain't messing with you.

no matter how many times you warn him, Price half swerves when he drives when he sees an animal on the road, especially deer. And then he'll get mad at you for living there.

ok but imagine if you was from Appalachia. Bestie, Price would be freaked the fuck out on the inside. He'd never leave your side at night. Military my ass, he's heard some things after not believing you, but he believes you now.

[nostis-omnia-perdet-omnia]

There's a certain- Hold on, I need to talk less fancy for this one.

theres that one video where theres a really fat racoon and it says "gimmie the gorbage" and because of that video i mentally pronounce garbage like gorbage. so. what the fuck.

[toughestfairy]

bad dog // small town gay girl

-- cw, violence against a dog

Presently, a Dalmatian stands in a backyard, her spots gleaming under the oppressive sun. She was bought as a puppy, bred poorly from an Amish mill, never taken to the vet, and yet somehow still healthy. But today, fat ribbons of droll trail from her purple-black lips. From where I stand in the alley, I can see her eyes growing wild with fear and rabies.

The man who must own her is standing nearby, taking in the sight. His Dalmatian has just bitten his smaller mutt. Now both dogs are rabid and must be put to death.

“Fucking bitch!” “Bad dog.” “I’m gonin’ kill you, motherfucker!”

She was “good dog” once. She knew how to sit pretty and fetched loyally. The neighbors fawned over her, secretly coveting her. She was such a good girl. Her coat was slick, her temperament mild, her wits quick. What brought her to this fall from grace was a chance encounter with a rabid racoon. Now she was a bad dog, no longer destined for dog greatness. Despite her downfall, she had enjoyed chasing that critter.

The man follows through with his promise, killing both dogs. When he stared into his gun cabinet, I wondered how he chose the gun he used. Was he haphazard, reaching in blindly for the first barrel his mitt could smother? Did he deliberate, deciding on a slugger shotgun, knowing it would kill his girls quickly? Or maybe he chose his favorite handgun, making a game of killing those dogs. It’s hard to speculate, especially when no option seems just.

If I had been there, holding that Dalmatian through her final heaving breaths, I think I would have been tender. I would have told her she deserved better. I would have said she deserved a big city, with long dogs run s cushy with clover lawns. I would have reminded her that she was a good dog, whose wild nature should have been fortified with a vaccine.

[daemosghost]

Tried to figure out wtf indigo park is even about. Did not get an answer and was instead just saw people defending the game from hate and saw like several images of the racoon's fat fucking balls and ass cheeks...

[cloudboundcritters]

ei666shii:

Fuck off. Learn a thing or two about retro gaming and Japanese mythology. In the older Mario games, Mario can be seen wearing the racoon (tanuki) suit. Before he becomes the tanuki, he has to grab a leaf (a feather in super mario world for SNES). What does this mean? The intention of the game designers was to depict the mythical tanuki that so often appears in Japanese folklore. They are not depicting the raccoon dog, which does exist in real life. Tanuki in Japanese folklore take the role of shape-shifters. Do you see raccoon dogs in real life shape-shifting? NOPE.

P.S. Like a fat italian plumber in a kigurumi is going to inspire some Japanese kid to leave his apartment in Tokyo and go to a secluded area in northern Japan so he can skin raccoon dogs! LOL