#farm girl turned adventurer (ic)

[witchofthescions]

Well that sure was a hell of a time.

[witchofthescions]

Oh I definitely will! There's a few people back in the Doman Enclave who might be willing to talk my ear off about it, haha. Garlemald conquered them like... 20 years ago? More than? I just know that one of my friends from there was basically born right after his homeland fell, and grew up under Garlean rule. So there's a whole generation who weren't allowed to participate in any of it and... gods, it's a real sobering thought.

Yeah, there's probably a few history textbooks lying around somewhere. I can always ask the local schoolteacher at the Enclave if she has any on hand. Might be slim pickings, though, considering all the rebuilding they've had to do, but still worth a shot. And I know for a fact she'd be more than happy to share, haha.

...Huh. You know, I was expecting the "do powerful magic" one—I've seen that happen in person—but the others I never would have considered. I don't think I've ever heard of someone asking to become a god over here, though. Unless saints count...? Actually I don't think saints generally ask to become saints, do they.

That sure does give me something to think about. Dead gods answering prayers, I mean.

Haha, well, I learned from the best! (My friend Tataru.) If you wanna see some samples, though, I can always rustle up a few pictures of some of the pieces I've done!

It's a big thing to muse on, but the best way to really learn of the impact of that you will need to ask the people affected. The image and knowledge of their faiths and traditions might be very different if it recently started or if has gone on for a while.

But I'm sure there might be some history books laying around that might give you something of an answer if you really look. The power of hindsight and context can be a powerful thing. In ways the present might not, though be careful about any books who might have an agenda in mind.

A number of different ways. You may ask a god to be made one, do a lot of strong magic to become one. Die. Just to name a few.

Well, being killed is a way. But even a dead god can still answer prayers.

How devious of you. Pulling an advertisement campaign on a random stranger and I don't even get to see the wares you're trying to sell.

[witchofthescions]

Tataru wound up giving me a very big earful for disappearing for so long. In my defense, I didn't expect to be gone for over a month! I thought I'd be gone for like, a few hours tops!

[choccy-zefirka]

We previously had a whole Discourse Session about x reader fic on this blog, but I just saw this in visual form on my dashboard (Blorbo hugging/kissing a greyed-out silhouette instead of the artist's OC), and I am back to thinking how being expected to insert my OC into the author-prepared slot is not my thing (and makes me a bit sad, actually) because... all my OCs fall for their love interest, even if it's the same person, for different reasons.

Isk and Wyll are childhood friends who keep being torn apart by circumstances but inevitably find each other. Mariposa and Wyll are gender-swapped Beauty and the Beast; he is the radiant guiding light that inspires her to rise above her Dark Urge. Wilhelm is a classic sad dad, so his partners Wyll and Karlach help him find joy and whimsy in life again. Or, for example, Alyrr stirs Halsin's heart because she is kind to him, while Cinder falls for Halsin because he is kind to *her*; same goes for Niamh and Zevlor vs Dee and Zevlor.

Likewise, in other fandoms, Azelma Cadash and Blackwall initially despise each other because she thinks he's a boring straight-laced fuddy duddy, and he thinks she's a spoiled princess luxuriating in her father's crime spoils and wearing a Stop Being Poor T-shirt, but as their friendship progresses, each discovers that the other is a more nuanced person than their first impressions might suggest. While Naali Adaar teams up with him as Protector of the Small, and Adiba Adaar turns his head with her incredible Nerd Powers (Nana Lavellan is somewhere at the intersection of that, because she is both a nerd and a professional babysitter in her clan). Thraer Aeducan bonds with Morrigan like a golden retriever excitedly following her around; and Revas Mahariel sits across the room from her like they are a cat and she is also a cat, slowly getting accustomed to each other. Nella Amell gets to Zevran with her sweetness and faith in people, and Zevran gets to Brianna Cousland with his roguish charms, even as she appears to have hidden herself behind a wall of ice and grief.

Alisa Shepard is a neurotic perfectionist, Natalie Shepard is an enthusiastic, confident space adventurer; Garrus loves each of them. And in my newest obsession, Cyberpunk, my current rough and tough but secretly artistic street kid V is going to employ different tactics when convincing Takemura to ditch Arasaka through the power of love (shhh, let me have my headcanon) compared to a hyper-stressed, disillusioned corpo V and a happy-go-lucky nomad V I also have planned. And so on and so on and so on.

Can all these different love stories truly be expressed through x reader fics? Even if x reader is mostly focused on smut, I am not sure how much maneuvering you can do while leaving it generic. Again, going back to my own OCs, Arryn Lavellan, a hot-headed 20-something Dalish First, is a virgin who pretends to be sexually experienced to win Respect Points, and then learns the lesson that he did not have to do that; while Elgara Lavellan, a Circle mage and ex-Tranquil, is also a virgin due to her life circumstances, and her lesson is that there's no shame in having a "first time" after 40. Cinder the Tav is a half-Orc, half-Tiefling, used to being fetishized by intimate partners because of her appearance, so she gets her mind blown when Halsin worships her body as a great gift of nature. Laulu the Tav is a half-Orc, half-Halfling, a humble farm girl with dreams of someone who will love her for her, not her glamorous elf bard persona (courtesy of Disguise Self), so she gets *her* mind blown when Gale takes her, the real her, on a journey through the stars. But Amaya, a full Halfling this time, is a vengeful paladin who used to be married to an evil wizard that entrapped her in illusions of love and bliss in order to manipulate her to do his bidding, so she opts for the humble tryst in the woods, blowing *Gale's* mind this time as he realizes that he can be wanted for more than his magic. So for all of them, even smut will flow differently.

Some anons I got argued that inserting your OC into a love story focused on a canon character is too self-centered; you have to give other people a chance to imagine *their* OCs in this blank spot! And I guess it works for some people (a lot of people, in fact), but I would rather write stories and make art about specific OCs and read stories and admire art with *your* specific OCs and all the endless ways they can kiss that Blorbo.

[witchofthescions]

@dog-tagged replied to your post “Well that sure was a hell of a time.”:

Welcome back.

​Thanks, Chi. Hope everything's going alright on your end of things, especially after the whole... everything that we did over there.

[witchofthescions]

I'd be alright with accepting payment in food or favors, but if it's about establishing a precedent I'm willing to sit down and try to work out what the monetary conversion rate would even be.

Might actually wanna get in contact with Tataru, she handles the funds for the Scions in general, so she's usually the one who makes sure we're fairly compensated for whatever jobs we take on.

Also @witchofthescions, @thetopben - I've already set payment towards Siege's account, please let me know how you'd prefer to be paid so I can make those arrangements.

[witchofthescions]

Tataru made me a whole dang outfit! Look at how cool it is!!

She also commissioned a real cool weapon for me, but I was too excited to show off the outfit to get any pics of it. I'll have to show it off later.

[tjemegames]

HSR: Character Build Archive - Destruction

Nanook

The Aeon that presides over the Path of Destruction. THEY were born from Adlivun as the world fell. THEY often appear as a human male with dark skin and golden eyes.

Certain character descriptions may contain story spoilers: Dan Heng - Imbibtor Lunae, Firefly, Misha. If you’re not caught up to the most current version of the game, please read them at your own discretion.

Arlan

The head of Herta Space Station's Security Department. This inarticulate boy is willing to protect the researchers in pursuit of their work with his life.

unleveled: lvl 1, e6

Blade

A member of the Stellaron Hunters, and a swordsman who abandoned his body to become a blade. He pledges loyalty to Destiny's Slave, and possesses a terrifying self-healing ability.

unowned: lost 50/50 during his release banner and then skipped him during 1.6 rerun because I was saving for e2 dhil. very tempted pull him during a future rerun just to complete my collection of the playable high-cloud quintet members. probably won't do that though, I'd be better off pulling a wind dps on a different path

Clara

A vagrant girl who lives with robots. She is introverted, gentle, and has a pure heart. She wishes for all Underworlders to become a family.

unleveled: lvl 1, e1

Dan Heng - Imbibitor Lunae

Dan Heng's true form from his Vidyadhara lineage carries the residual power left behind by his past incarnation, the Imbibitor Lunae. Upon accepting the majestic horned crown atop his forehead, he must accept all the merits and faults attributed to that sinner.

daniel and I have had a very tumultuous building experience; prior to my latest upgrade, I was still using a rutilant imaginary sphere that had a 15% hp substat on it

this build is more than fine, and I really don't need to mess with it unless I'm going to pull his signature light cone; I want sig, but I have no idea how long I'll be waiting for another rerun since we just had one during 2.0

pulling sparkle for him is my absolute top priority; min-maxing dhil probably won't continue until at least midway through version 2.5

latest upgrade - 7.19.24

Firefly

A self-proclaimed greenhorn performer of the Iris Family, but actually a member of the Stellaron Hunters. To ensure that "the Express chases after the 'grand legacy' alongside them," she risked her life and finally "returns from the dead."

unowned: skipped to fish for Gallagher copies on Ruan Mei's 2.3 rerun banner. not interested in pulling as my dedicated fire dps

Hook

Boss (self-proclaimed) of an Underworld adventure squad, The Moles. She loves freedom and sees life as a series of adventures.

unleveled: lvl 1, e6

Jingliu

Former Sword Champion of the Luofu, and the reason behind the Cloud Knights' mythical reputation of implacable might. Now, her name has been wiped from the records, and she is a traitor of the Xianzhou walking on the fine line between sanity and mara-struck.

so, as it turns out, I hate hypercarry jingliu: I have gone back to the +1/-1 spd setup; it would've been far less of a hassle to continue running this in the first place (i.e. if it ain't broke, don't fix it)

switched head/hand pcs to ones w/spd & swapped to spd boots (which I forgot I owned); she's currently 3.7 spd faster than she needs to be, although the gap shouldn't really cause any tuning issues with bronya(?)

relevant stat changes: +41.1 spd, -2.6% crate, -27.9% cdmg, -570 atk

score change: +9 (S+)

every time that I mess with this woman, she loses crate and it's very unfortunate because her crate is already abysmal as it is. also lost a large chunk of atk & cdmg but the cost was necessary for my rotation so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

need to farm hunter (cdmg body + spd boots) & rutilant (ice dmg sphere), preferably w/double crit or crate + atk

very, very close to groveling down on my knees for crate subs bc I don’t know what else to do; all of jingliu's problems have revolved around her crit ratio the entire time that I’ve had her. I need something to change, preferably soon, lest I min-max away my sanity

latest upgrade - 8.4.24 | changelog

Misha

The naive and ignorant protagonist of Mikhail's childhood dreams. He ran away from the dream bubble. As he bears the mission of guiding the Astral Express to discover the Watchmaker's legacy, he mistakenly believes himself to be Penacony's "bellboy".

unleveled: lvl 1, e3

Physical Trailblazer

A [person] who boarded the Astral Express. They chose to travel with the Astral Express to eliminate the dangers posed by the Stellaron.

unbuilt: removed & recycled outdated relics. not likely to rebuild

Xueyi

Judge of the Ten-Lords Commission, which controls life and death on the Luofu. She inhabits a puppet body to return to the world and carry out her missions.

unleveled: lvl 1, e6

Yunli

A Zhuming swordmaster visiting the Xianzhou Luofu. General Huaiyan's beloved adopted granddaughter. She offers no pretenses for warriors who are lacking in virtue and love to claim the weapons of her defeated foes.

unowned: won't be pulling her because her kit is too reminiscent of clara's (who I currently have no interest in leveling up). not sure what it is about counter-attackers but they've yet to grab my interest enough to want to play one of them. might've been more willing to consider her if she had been a different element

The most recent version of a character's build(s) will be listed here; older build versions can be found on their designated changelog. To avoid word/image limit issues, information on a retired build will be removed from the path archive and a link to the build's changelog will be provided in its place.

Changelogs will only be created and maintained for the characters that I actively use; they will be updated whenever significant relic upgrades/changes have been made. Characters that have multiple builds (i.e. additional builds that are non-traditional, niche, or memes) will have a dedicated changelog for each one.

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[witchofthescions]

If we're real unlucky, the answer may be "both." Either way, just this little excerpt of what they were working on makes my skin crawl.

I'd almost be tempted to see if Cid and his group might be interested in taking a look at that mainframe, if we could get 'em down there safely.

Also gotta admit I'm worried that they're able to track you somehow. Wonder how much info they've got on you... though I guess knowing what they have might give some insight as to why they're tracking you. Hm. Still don't like it.

@creepy-crowleys , @witchofthescions

Also, I did find some sort of research area. It seems to be built by Wayne Enterprises, but it seemed to have been commandeered by the Truthseekers. I can't tell how many of the papers there belonged to the Truthseekers group or the Wayne group.

The documents were redacted to hell and back, but there was a mention of experimentation in the harbor site. And some sort of meta-human gene induction from "increasing anxiety through chemical means." I suspect someone here was involved, not sure which group.

Found a folder with crappy pictures and dossiers of us three. Specifically when we broke into the harbor and saved the kids. Also an unflattering image of me getting nailed to the wall by a pole.

Another document that's definitely Truthseekers mentions that there's two people of interest, specifically Keter-aligned souls. Which means me and Sato. One of them also mentions that one doesn't belong here either. In any case, they're still up to their bullshit and have some means of tracking us somehow.

Unfortunately the mainframe was too large to bring back. I just dumped whatever documents I could find in storage.

[witchofthescions]

Oh, today's "throw short people day" huh?

[vileintcnt]

muse masterlist

this is going to be a huge post I'll add to as muses change where I just have a little bit about each muse and a few very generic plot ideas/concepts I have for each one that can be tweaked/built upon. you'll find them under the cut! :)

cassidy bardot ; influencer, vixen, disloyal, party girl, obnoxious, bitchy -> meet her match, give me cat and mouse, give me 'try not to fall in love', give me dad's employee, give me older married men

blaire bardot ; ice skater, strong-minded, competitive, innocent -> give me hockey players(!!), give me 'highest bidder gets a date', give me rivalry, give me smug assholes who she'd HATE, give me enemies to lovers, give me competitors who set off her bicuriosity

nola dempsey ; erotic novelist, charismatic, assertive, aloof -> tbc.

lana gilbert ; supermodel, party girl, luxurious, spoilt, dinner parties, vacations in the hamptons -> give me wild rich people truth or dare, give me billionaire sugar daddies, give me mile high club, give me married men, give me country club employees

natalie abbot ; trophy wife, lonely, hopeless romantic, husband-loathing -> give me harrison/charlotte's friends hitting on her, give me her trying to find her youth in a nightclub and your muse hitting on her, give me flashback threads, give me gala events, give me cheating on her husband

luxe farrow ; scream queen, charismatic, quick-witted, ruthless -> give me on set sexual tension, give me casting call, give me celebrity couples, give me SECRET celebrity couples

remi windsor ; professional ballerina, calculated, competitive, bored easily, bratty, intelligent -> give me all the older men, exclusively, give me married husbands, give me professors, give me politicians, give me parents friends, give me creeps/stalkers

valentina ferreira ; socialite, bitch, manipulative, gaslighter, troublemaker -> give me like sorority girl hazing plots, give me secretly in love with her best friend, give me cocky frat bros, give me sk8r boy

vivian greer ; investigative journalist. hardheaded, defensive, determined -> tbc.

charlotte abbot ; debutante. ditsy, flirtatious, oblivious, materialistic -> I want older men taking advantage of how airhead she is oop, bimbofication, give me date auctions, give me metalhead boys who know how to F U C K lmfao

brandy vega ; magazine director. impatient, confident, forward, dominant -> gimme interns that are in love with her, give me affairs with younger men, give me flings abroad

sawyer devlin ; farmers daughter. naive, innocent, adventurous, bashful -> i want city boys/girls to turn her life inside out, i want sneaking off the farm to go to a dive bar and meet older men, i want farm hands/working tourists flirting with her and making her all blushy and nervous, i want priests testing her faith, i want cute slowburn with the muse who works the coffeeshop she visits when her and her dad run the farmers market

luz montoya ; influencer. flirtatious, wildchild, materialistic -> tbc.

billie buffet ; ranch hand. cocky, sarcastic, wild, hands-on, impatient -> city boys/girls who have no idea how to work on a ranch being teased by billie, billie taking them to the nearest dive bar, lets fuck in the back of this random guys pickup at the bar vibes, sneaking around on the ranch, come with me i know a spot vibes

margot fletcher ; guitarist. manipulative, dorky, sarcastic, stoner -> omg I want moms give me all of the moms, I want margot convincing mothers that they’re goddesses who should leave their husbands, give me doting fans that she can seduce, give me best friends that fall into margot’s arms when their boyfriends are mean

layla fontaine ; singer. sultry, mysterious, chic, inherently sad, flirtatious, wise -> give me older male music producers that she immediately falls in love with, give me older men she can call daddy and write songs about, give me rockstars she would have grown up listening to that she can do drugs with now she’s famous

bowie romero ; rockstars daughter. angry, party girl, defensive, toxic, hopeless romantic -> I want all of the toxic relationships, give me Bowie smashing plates above their head give me flirting with other people in front of each other to piss each other off, give me ripping the hair out of any girl who dares look at her partner, give me best friends who like to talk shit about boys and then go down on each other

dixie gallagher ; waitress/illustrator. sarcastic, melancholy, irritable -> tbc.

martha rossi ; groupie. obsessive, shy, virginal, adventurous, soft -> okay I rlly want rockstars taking advantage of this sweet thing, give me her being handed her first joint/line, give me why don’t you come join me on the tour bus vibes, give me secret relationships give me her being sheltered from the press and growing more and more confident

penelope quinn ; singer. wild, upfront, party girl, suggestive, daring -> i want her to ruin the lives of sweet sensitive muses, give me all of the innocence for her corruption, give me nervous babbling as she sits on their lap give me all of the shy innocent shit, like peaches WILL talk your muses through it

claudia jagger ; tattoo artist/succubus+vampire au. creepy, seductive, hyper-sexual, excitable -> give me everyone susceptible to falling in love with a woman who’s excited to kill you ❤️ like i want her biting thighs mid sex and exposing herself as a vampire meanwhile they just thought she was a lil weird, give me priests omggg, like literally her demonic ass swaying a priest from the church i live

vanessa guerra ; crime wife. passionate, deviant, glamorous, suggestive -> give me bodyguards, give me her husbands biggest rivals, let her light their cigars and perch on their laps, or even like rp as her husband just give me debauch and dangerous, i want her being shown how to fire a gun i want ‘baby he looked at me wrong. kill him.’ vibes

bunny brandt ; ghostface. calculated, mean, condescending, sarcastic -> give me camp slasher vibes, give me omg it looks like we’re the last ones alive that’s so crazy wanna make out and grope each other before i reveal i killed everyone, give me summers working in dingy amusement parks/arcades, give me girls so infatuated and scared that they wanna help bunny with her fucked up ghostface plans

candace jackson ; pageant queen. ditsy, religious, flirtatious, naive -> okay i want pageant judges i want slimy agents i want priests i want older men i want mechanics with dad bods and i want graphic beer bottle experiences and just filthy bimbofication slutty threads for her oop

sofia dewi ; professional thief. manipulative, possessive, cocky -> tbc.

min-jae 'MJ' choi ; professional thief. cunning, irascible, violent -> tbc.

duffy boone ; waitress. shy, inexperienced, wanting, daydreamer, sweet -> I want cute slowburn shit pls, sneaking around so her strict dad doesn’t find out, picking her up on a motorbike to take her on a date, giving her all her firsts, getting her high for the first time just idk cute shit pls ty

farrah stanley ; stripper. materialistic, confident, seductive, bratty, mischievous -> “sorry I don’t have any money, I’ll make it up to you!”, give me rich men coming to the strip club, give me unexpected romance with a best friend she always thought wasn’t interested but has secretly been jacking off to her like his whole life, give me sorry can I borrow your shower? just debauch porn plots basically, I want her to catch her best friends dad jacking it into her panties, or omg is that my friends dad on the other side of this glory hole?

agatha underwood ; bartender. blunt, cocky, manipulative, klepto -> I want someone to be the Clyde to her Bonnie, rob a bank with her, get a gun together and go full robbers music video style, give me planning out the theft in a shitty diner, give me being so in love that they’re willing to die for each other, give me seedy motels hiding out, but also give me the kind of arguing the devil would hide away from, give me accidentally killing someone and having to go on the run, give me disguises and stealing cars and just all that good shit yk?

cam fonseca ; DJ/videographer. anxious, stoner, inexperienced, awkward -> give me them trying to read whether or not someone’s flirting with them and being totally clueless, give me rich girls who are mean to them but secretly wanna be fucked by them, give me skater boy best friends who don’t know how to make the first move, give me lazily touching themselves while they watch a shit movie after getting high just because

tallulah gunn ; chef. snappy, sarcastic, teasing, career-driven -> yes chef kink confirmed give me chef sex, give me fucking in the alleyway behind the restaurant, give me her being desperately in love with her best friend and cooking him amazing meals and telling him he needs to take care of himself meanwhile she loves taking care of him and wants him to notice herrrr, give me her best friend catching her masturbating, give me her restaurant regular who always shows up after the restaurants closed so that she can cook him things off menu, give me her sucking her patisserie professors finger clean

cherilyn langley ; burlesque dancer. charming, excitable, cluttered, party girl -> being in love with the guy who works bar in the club she dances and neither of them knowing it yet, give me spontaneous date nights with tinder matches where she tries and fails to cook them a nice meal in her tiny apartment so they order pizza and sit on the roof give me cute shit give me omg fire fuck and being smitten with the man in uniform who shows up, give me locked out of her apartment and finally having to properly interact with the neighbour who always smiles at her in the elevator, but also give me best friends fucking around and finding out, give me playfights that result in her being spanked and liking it wayyy too much give me omg did you just send me a nude on accident I kind of love it, give me ugh I hate my situationship, should we just fuck?

presley alden ; horse rancher. stoner, opportunist, fun -> tbc.

lola calvo ; roller derby pro/film major. awkward, antisocial, competitive, mean -> give me hot roller skater girls who wanna break through her moody exterior, give me skater boys who would like to do the same, give me rivals in her film class where arguments turn to them kissing her and her being angry at first but then being totally into it, give me popular boy/girl being super into her and her thinking she doesn’t stand a chance

barbie kilpatrick ; fashion major. ditsy, stoner, materialistic, playful -> give me one night stands that turn into multiple night stands, give me fucking in a nightclub bathroom, give me cute alt boys she can steal weed from x give me her getting super angry at a boy she thinks has hurt her friend but it turns out to be his roommate/brother and he asks her on a date omg

eloise booth ; escort/psych major. seductive, materialistic, well travelled, smart, loyal -> give me in love with her professor, give me allllll of the sugar daddies, give me men who worship the ground she walks on and taking her to see the world and give me holiday romances

harrison abbot ; hotel heir. arrogant, obnoxious, entitled, lonely, charming -> give me tipsy kisses shared with his best friends girlfriend who he's in love with, give me Harrison drunk at your muses door feeling sorry for himself, give me rich socialites partying together and fucking in limousines, give me ways for him to show off his stupid wealth, give me pretend to be my girlfriend to appease my overbearing parents, give me sneaking around his hotel at night

fitz aldridge ; f1 driver. hyper-sexual, commitment phobic, suave, flirtatious, driven -> give me all the milfs, moms best friend, teachers, girlfriends mom, all those vibes, give me brothers girlfriend give me best friends girlfriend, like the vibes are definitely adultery, I want best friends that become sexual out of nowhere and then kind of dig it and make it a routine on their nights out until it gets uncomfortable, give me him fucking the sports reporters that interview him after a race

tobias penn ; music producer. romantic, passionate, sensitive, confident -> I want secret relationships and him getting frustrated that they have to keep it quiet because he naturally wants to show her off, give me musicians new to the industry that he helps produce but ultimately falls in love with, late nights in the studio, calling each other to discuss music all the time

ted buffet ; ranch owner. stern, grumpy, bossy, reserved, hard working -> hot girls working at his ranch that he can fuck pls, give me omg you've been teasing me for so long I'm going to fucking break and fuck the shit out of you if you don't quit it, give me him blowing off steam at a bar by fucking someone in the bathroom stalls, give me best friends daughter, give me shy sweet girls that he wants to protect but neither of them can help touching themselves while thinking of the other

waylon buffet ; ranch hand. adventurous, excitable, shy, sweet, golden retriever energy -> omg city girls, show him the world pls, drag him out of his comfort zone make him dance in a bar take his virginity get him love drunk okay I want him to be obsessed, I want him thinking your muse is going to take him to the big city, either city girls coming to the ranch to work or him getting an internship in some big firm where the bosses daughter makes his eyes pop out of his head because damn girls don't look like that back on the farm with their designer shoes and skimpy dresses

roman romero ; club owner. 'bad boy' prototype, sweet, passionate, hopeless romantic, loyal -> your muses dads will HATE him, him showing up out front on a motorbike, sneaking in through your muses window, I want virginal saints who he has to go slow with and they're so desperate for each other it hurts, give me pls just the tip baby I swear, whimpering when he sees her undress vibes, I want him to literally have no interest in anyone but her and protect her from everything, I want him to get extremely jealous of anyone who looks at her a certain way, I want him breaking someones arm for flirting with her, 'apologise to the pretty lady' vibes

ravi sidhu ; lit professor. reserved, romantic, intelligent -> tbc.

sid carpenter ; bassist. flirtatious, cocky, jealous, wild -> pls I want him to have fans that give him their panties and just completely throw themselves at him?? I want him getting public head at crazy industry parties and doing drugs off of titties, I also low-key want him dating a girl who’s just as iconic as he is?? bc pls like her getting him to wear her thong while he’s performing and having pink lace sit above leather trousers is low-key highkey sexy to me it’s very rock and roll coded okay

patrick spence ; drummer. awkward, charming, gangly, dorky, stoner -> okay same as deacon except when your muses throw themselves at him I want him blushing and geeking out, I want him to fall desperately in love with someone, I want like, him and a girl he has no romantic affiliation with watching a movie together that’s kinda sexy and then just mutually deciding they need to masturbate until did you just touch my leg?? leading to fucking each other basically, I want the hot girl at the video store he’s high key obsessed with showing up at one of his concerts and him just completely wilding, I want best friends younger sister I want popular girls who would never be caught dead with him

buzz underwood ; biker. unkind, aggressive, sleazy, offensive, dangerous -> ok but like cliche porn plots give me sons girlfriend stuck in a precarious position and him taking advantage, give me filthy things with beer bottles(oop) give me taking a girl for a ride on his bike and getting roadside head give me entitlement give me free use give me sharing her with his friends ok

connor hawthorne ; law student. psychotic, toxic, manipulative, gaslighter, emotionless, murderer/stalker -> I want toxic relationships for him, I want him to lose it a little whenever they argue I want him begging and desperate for her to come back to him when they break up I want obsession I want him to want to die for your muse but then in the same breath be like the biggest asshole to them ever all the time, I want overprotective toxic jealousy I want him to get slapped and get kinda hard over it 💀

wesley loomis ; ghostface. creepy, fucked up, 'tortured soul', shy without the mask, passionate, clumsy -> pls just give me lots of cliche ghost face plots, 90s/80s slasher vibes, summer camps, mega malls, give me muses that are kinda fucked up and find ghost face sexy oop, give me climbing in your muses window and sending them photos of Wes cutting off their panties

tanner copeland ; conman. sleazy, perverted, intimidating, smug, slick -> omg give me conman vs conwoman, he doesn't expect her to con him and then dip after they fuck so he makes it his life mission to find her and do the same but they start falling in love or in the process they accidentally kill someone and have to go on the run???? and all they do is bicker but then at night when your muse snuggles up to him, he kinda likes it

donovan o’toole ; corrupt priest/demon au. manipulative, charming, snake-tongued, actor, precise -> I'm thinking the most debauch things, spanking your muses clit with the cross , let him just manipulate your sweet muses okay like, convincing them it's okay to sin, bending them over the pews, but also like, your not so sweet muses trying to seduce him and him playing the tortured soul priest act and then all of a sudden switching on them and orgasm withdrawal and edging and rghfernjk yep, ALSO in the demon au, even more debauch and spooky!!

colt campbell ; mechanic. sleazy, perverted, gruff, solitary, self-serving -> give me sorry I can't pay vibes, give me sleazy dive bars, give me neighbours who wanna fuck him showing up on his doorstep asking for 'sugar', give me sitting on his lap while he plays poker with his friends and just like, domesticated vibes oop, but also 'guys you won't believe what a pretty pussy she's got, show my friends sweetheart'

cooper ashley ; porno director. professional sleaze, 'artist', charismatic, big daddy energy -> c a s t i n g c a l l, give me X vibes with crew members thinking they wanna be in the porno and Cooper indulging by showing them how, give me him making a girl a star in the porn industry but them being in love also???

beau ashley ; drug dealer. antisocial, smug, sarcastic, 'bad boy', I hate everything mindset -> waait ugh so like, his brother is Cooper, I'm seeing Cooper always having pornstars in the house and beau being disinterested in them because he's obsessed with this one sweet girl who works in like the local diner or something and they're super conscious because he's surrounded by supermodel level women all the time but he thinks she's the most beautiful girl he's ever seen????

tomas nunez ; investigative journalist/conspiracy theorist. curious, geeky, workaholic, nervous, cute -> give me fellow journalists going on like road trips to see all the alien hot spots and report on them but also like, falling in love??? slow burn, give me women who are forward and confident and him just turning into a babbling mess because he doesn't know how to talk to women, give me stupid cliche hunting big foot shit and like, also unlocking his freaky side in an abandoned asylum or something when your muse lies in the bed and he straps them in and immediately gets hard, but also OKAY IS THIS STUPID IDK, I kind of want him to fuck a hot alien babe, because like, him teaching them everything????? idk eep

michael ostreicher ; wannabe director. dorky, playful, golden retriever, horny -> give me roommates to lovers, give me milfs, give me I shouldn't be in love with you because you're my best friends gf, give me meet cute, give me meet ugly, give me slowburn, give me bridesmaids at a friends wedding??? give me threesomes

kenzo maeda ; videographer. awkward, stoner, weirdo energy, unrealistic -> literally just give me he was a skater boy she said see you later boy vibes, popular girls who act disgusted by him in public but love him in private, give me best friends who have a crush on him and he's oblivious maybe because he's smitten by some popular blonde who hates him and the tension of him finding out and then realising the girl of his dreams has always been thereeeee idk

frankie manetti ; chef. swears all the time, short fuse, rough sex, smokes like a chimney -> yes chef kink confirmed, I kinda love the idea of milfs eating at his restaurant and then wanting to 'pay compliments to the chef' while their husband is still at the table hitting on a waitress, I want him to have a strange relationship with one of the girls who works in the restaurant, maybe his girlfriend is the waitress but him and his chef colleague share way too many looks and tender moments but then the next minute he's swearing in their face telling them that what they've cooked isn't good enough, maybe they cry and he goes to console them and they kiss and then he goes home with his waitress gf and its just like ???

silas st.james ; travel blogger. laid back, adventurous, intelligent, easily smitten -> plsssss I'm just picturing solo travellers meeting him by chance and them travelling together, falling in love and him showing her the world, but also like, him taking work at a beach club or something to fund his travelling and meeting hot moms, I want like, idk the film but they decide to get off the train together?? idk those vibes okay

[witchofthescions]

@ferocitysflipside replied to your post “Truth: What do you hide in your hat?”:

CLEVER

​Ain't it? I can't remember who first suggested it to me. I wanna say it was either Thancred or one of the guildmasters of the Thaumaturges' Guild. But I've kept it in mind ever since.

Also, howdy! I don't believe we've met. I'm Ernastral, nice to meet you!

[witchofthescions]

Right? It's one of the few things I like about Coerthas. So much snow everywhere, it looks so pretty!

Aw. Your brother sounds like my younger twin siblings, honestly. They absolutely love to pull stunts like the snow down the back. Nah, I haven't had a chance to visit recently. Kind of a long journey and it's remote enough that not a lot of routes pass that way. Which is a shame because I'd love to swing by more often!

But I do plan on dropping by in a few months for my and my nephew's namedays, as long as nothing else crops up before then.

@creepy-crowleys , @hulizi , @witchofthescions , @strikingskeletonsiege, @thetopben , @capucapo, @redeyesandchilifries

*★,°*:.☆\(￣▽￣)/$:*.°★*

Eyyyy. Welcome to my small corner of the Tunglr blogosphere. I'm your gracious, amazing, beautiful host Sato. Hold your applause! 👏

That joke really doesn't work when they're no room for someone to chuckle, so you can't reply "but that's not the punchline?"

(°ー°〃)

Anywaaay, I'm Sato. Nice to meet you all and hopefully in good health. And I guess my icebreaker question based on my recent activity would be "what is your favorite meme as of right now? And show one!"

Mine currently are creative "solutions" to the Trolley Problem:

[witchofthescions]

@stvmpedes replied to your post “At what age do you feel that you stopped being a...”:

i'm 150 and i still feel like a kid!

​First off, holy crap you're old!

Second of all, good to know it ain't that weird to still feel like a kid when you're grown, haha.

[witchofthescions]

I can definitely get behind wanting to know how your own business works, yeah. That honestly seems like something that should be like... the bare minimum you should know in order to run it.

Yeah in all honesty that is unfortunately understandable. But on the other hand, while I've definitely done dumb things in the name of getting the attention of a pretty girl, I definitely have never gone that far. But somehow I doubt Asahi really cared how many other people he was screwing over with his dang crush, considering what all he got up to.

You're welcome! I'm just about to shoot you the pic as we speak. Hopefully you'll get to have your own little buddy soon! Oh, and, just be warned that they can be a little bit hard to control sometimes. They've got a will of their own, after all, so just don't be too surprised if the first thing it decides to do is get up to some sort of mischief.

It really is. I mean, from a family of businesspeople, I know how to do a lot of the same things, but I usually feel like I'm one of the only ones who tries to actually understand what's going on under the hood, so to speak?

...okay, I cannot lie, I understand where he's coming from a little bit. Being gay and desperate for specific attention is very understandable. Still doesn't excuse disrupting diplomatic matters, though, having feelings is all fun and games until you start harming the lives of other people for it.

Yes please!! I'm so excited to try to summon them!! I'll need to check that I have everything (I think I do!) and I'll try tomorrow I think!! Thank you so much!!!

[laurenwritesfics]

Untidy Lives (Full story)

"But, you know, ultimately, we learned that…life just isn’t always so tidy. And God’s plan isn’t always so easy to understand."

Three years. Three events that change the course of life as they know it. Sometimes the smallest moments lead to the biggest adventures. April's decision to move to Boston wasn't an easy one. But neither was the life she had before Jackson changed everything...again.

Warning(s): Alcohol consumption, mention of loss of a child, death of a loved one

YEAR ONE:

There was only one person April Kepner could truly count on to brighten up a dull day – her mother, Karen, and it seemed she had taken that duty literally. Crunching up the driveway in white heels and a sunshine yellow dress, she greeted April with a screech, enveloping her in a tight hug.

Today, Harriet Kepner-Avery was turning one.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hi, honey.” Karen pulled back, holding April’s wrists. “Let me look at you.” Her eyes drifted from her daughter’s warm cinnamon hair to her loose blouse, jeans and white sneakers. Throughout April’s adolescence, people had gushed over how much she looked like her mother. Now, she was an entirely separate person. No longer her mother’s shadow. Karen tutted.

“Is this what you’re wearing?”

April sighed. “I didn’t have time-“

“Nonsense,” Karen wafted a hand, “your father’s getting the gifts from the car. Go freshen up. We’ll keep the birthday girl occupied for a little while. Besides…” she trailed off, miming a gagging motion and nodding towards the stain on her shoulder.

April pulled at the soft cotton and frowned. How long had that stain been there? She didn’t know. The discovery of the stain had diverted her train of thought. She leaned over Karen’s shoulder and caught a glimpse of the familiar blue Volvo.

“Wait, Dad’s here?”

Karen was interrupted – a rare occurrence in their almost forty year marriage – by her husband, Joe. He ambled towards the two of them, lugging a stack of immaculately wrapped gifts.

“Well, hello there Little Miss!”

“Dad! I thought you were working on the farm?”

“What, and miss my granddaughter’s first birthday? Not a chance!” Joe chortled. Karen took two boxes from the top of the pile when Joe arrived at the doorstep. “And I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to this one.” He inclined his head, his voice soft and peppy as he reached past April to tweak Harriet’s nose.

April whipped around to see Matthew bouncing a half-asleep Harriet in his arms. “She’s supposed to be napping for another hour.” She chided.

“I know, but it’s her first birthday. I don’t want her to miss it.”

“She’ll miss it when she uses her ice cream cake as a pillow because she didn’t get a whole nap.”

Matthew huffed. “I think Mommy underestimates me.”

April ignored him, one foot in the doorway. “I’m gonna go change my shirt. You can put the gifts in the living room.”

Karen followed her inside while Matthew, Harriet and Joe moved to the back yard.

As much as she hated to admit it, her mother was right. Changing into a floral blouse and a pair of flats – and at Karen’s insistence, some light makeup – although April felt tired, she didn’t look it anymore. With a final scrunch of her hair and a pop of her lips, she peered out of the bedroom window. Harriet was sat in the grass, her tiny fingers wrapped around the string of a pink balloon. Jackson was pulling the string, making it bob up and down, much to Harriet’s delight. Shit. Jackson. She had assumed he would be late, fresh from the hospital. She blinked rapidly, taken aback, and rushed out of the room. Karen found April with her head in the refrigerator.

“Mom, can you get the candles?”

“What’s the rush?” Karen exclaimed.

April tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, leaning back to meet her mother’s baffled gaze. “Jackson’s here.”

“Oh.” She replied flatly, rifling through every drawer in the kitchen island. “Where are the darn matches?”

“I’m married to a First Responder, remember? They’re in a super-secret safe place that nobody on Earth can find.”

“Of course,” she shook her head in amusement “I’ll go ask him.”

“No,” April stepped away from the refrigerator to block her path “I’ll go. The paper plates and napkins are in the-“

“Third drawer, I know.” Karen pressed a hand to her cheek. “Take a breath. Go out there and enjoy it. I can take care of everything.”

Karen Kepner was a woman of her word. She had fussed over Harriet from the moment she was born. April would usually have found this irritating, but losing Samuel, her first-born, changed that. Karen dropped everything to be with April and Jackson while they grieved. While Jackson worked and April sat sobbing on the couch in their cramped condo. When April got up in the middle of the night, convinced she could hear his cries and Jackson couldn’t console her. What might have seemed like interfering before was now a blessing. Harriet was a blessing. And April was going to experience every moment with her to the fullest extent.

Outside, Joe and Matthew were hunched over the barbecue.

“Mommy’s here!” Matthew hollered, a few whoops and cheers sounding behind him. He sauntered over to April and wrapped his arms around her, lowering his voice to a sultry whisper. “And Mommy looks hot.”

April pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “I should go and say hi to everyone before the cake’s brought out.” Her hands slipped from his chest. It wasn’t hard for Matthew to work out that by ‘everyone’, she meant Jackson. She mingled with family and friends, ate one of Joe’s famous almost-cremated burgers, cuddled and cooed at Harriet. From the outside, it looked easy for her. On the inside, it took every ounce of strength she had.

The moment her eyes locked with Jackson’s, Matthew strolled over, one hand placed protectively on the small of her back.

Her past and her present stood before her, and the only similarity between them was the brand of beer they were drinking.

Jackson removed one hand from the pocket of his grey hoodie to offer Matthew an awkward handshake.

“No Maggie?” April probed.

“We broke up.” Jackson rubbed the back of his shaved head. “A while ago.”

“Oh, sorry.” April scrunched her nose and inhaled sharply.

“Yeah. I was seeing someone, actually – a paramedic – but we, uh…” He glanced at his feet.

“Ah.” April nodded.

“That sucks, buddy.” Matthew smacked Jackson on the arm. It was like this every time Matthew and Jackson met. Awkward. Stunted. A sterile attempt at civility.

Harriet toddled over, held up by Joe. He wiggled her arms to make it look as if she was waving. “Little Miss was chewing her fist, so I think it’s time for cake.” Jackson bent down as Joe handed her over. “I’ll go help your mother in the kitchen.” He smoothed his shirt. “At least I won’t have to call 911 in an emergency.”

“Good luck.” April quipped.

Jackson’s eyes popped, making Harriet giggle. He, April and Matthew burst into laughter. She was the glue that held their paper-thin relationship together.

A discordant rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ drifted from the kitchen as Joe and Karen emerged with a large pink ice cream cake. Jackson bounced Harriet and kissed her wispy hair. A single candle wilted, unlit, in the center. Still, they mimed blowing it out. Matthew stuffed the candle in his pocket before the cake was set down on the patio table. April held Harriet to her hip and pulled up a chair.

“Everybody grab a plate!” She yelled, and the crowd scattered. They returned to the sight of Harriet happily digging her fist into the cake.

When the time came to open Harriet’s gifts, everyone gathered in the living room to watch her grab and teethe on the corners of the boxes. The first gift was from Matthew’s mother, Patricia, who Harriet had dubbed Tee-Tee. Her relationship with April was complicated, but not complicated enough to stop her from spending time with her second granddaughter. Harriet already owned a sensory play set, but still they appreciated the gesture, thanking her with kind eyes.

“Say thank you, Tee-Tee.” April encouraged Harriet, pointing to Patricia.

Harriet’s lips grappled with the word for a moment. Then, an outburst of “Tee-Tee!”

Patricia smiled, walking over to the couch to sweep her palm across Harriet’s hair and press a kiss to the crown of her head.

The next gift came from Jackson’s mother, Catherine, and step-father Richard. A beautifully engraved silver piggy bank with a dollar tucked into the slot.

“It’s never too early to start saving. Especially if she’s going to get into Harvard.” She quirked a perfectly curved eyebrow and smiled.

“Catherine!” Richard playfully chided.

“Thank you.” April said again, beginning to feel the words lose their meaning.

Joe and Karen had bought an assortment of farm-related toys and books, which made April roll her eyes. Harriet immediately shoved the rubbery head of a cow into her mouth.

Matthew and April’s gift, a sit-to-stand walker, was yet another addition to Harriet’s collection of pink items. When they had decorated the nursery, Matthew’s only comment was that it looked as though someone had poured Pepto-Bismol over everything. April countered this with the argument that it would encourage Harriet to unapologetically embrace her femininity. Besides, she was sharing the room with Matthew’s daughter Ruby. As usual, he was out-voted by estrogen. So, he buckled under the weight of his love for his three favorite girls.

April heard the subtle hitch of Matthew’s breath beside her. He was smiling, but it was a tight-jawed, forced smile. She knew exactly what – or rather, who - was running through his mind. Karin. Sometimes at night, when April tucked Harriet and Ruby’s blankets into their cribs, she would stare at Ruby, examining every detail of her face. Every faint line on her palms. She felt guilty. Sitting here, watching her own daughter celebrate the milestone that Karin never would. A lump formed in her throat. She reached for Matthew’s hand, but he pulled away. He harrumphed, shifted against the cushions and promptly excused himself. He returned ten minutes later with a glass of water and puffy eyes.

“If you need to take a minute, it’s okay.”

“No, I’m good.”

“Matthew,” April rubbed his arm “take a couple minutes. Get some air. Please?”

He chugged the last of the water and wordlessly agreed, slipping out into the garden. He watched Jackson present April with a hefty 3-in-1 stroller – the one she’d been lusting after for a month. He watched her fumble with its clips to detach the balance bike and plop Harriet onto the seat. He watched another man be the father he would never be. A deep ache spread through him and he leaned against the cool fence, glancing up at the nursery window. He took a long moment to forgive himself for the act of betrayal he was about to commit, then he headed back inside, softly thudding up the stairs. He sat with Ruby for, well, he didn’t know how long, but it was long enough for him to catch a glimpse of Karin. For him to apologize to her with a prayer. Long enough for him to feel guilty for disappearing.

Downstairs, Jackson grabbed another beer from the refrigerator. He turned to April, who was mixing a rum and coke for her mother, and pulled an envelope from his pocket.

“April?” He tapped her on the shoulder. “I know I’ve already given Harriet a gift, but this is something extra. Just a small thing, I promise. I didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it back there.”

“Why?” April ripped the envelope open and her lips parted in confusion. Inside was a receipt for a monthly toy box subscription. “Jackson, what is this?”

“I’m not around all the time. I don’t get to take her to playgroup every week or build blocks with her or read The Velveteen Rabbit. This is my way of being there. I don’t wanna be that guy. The father who slips in and out of his child’s life. I can’t do that to her.”

“Jackson,” April gazed up at him, sharing the sadness in his eyes “you are not your father. If you wanna see her more often, we can work something out.”

Matthew entered the kitchen, dropped his glass in the sink and glared at the two of them. “Sorry for interrupting.” He slunk away.

“Can we?” Jackson quipped.

April rubbed her face and placed the envelope on the kitchen island. “I should get back out there before Dad has another beer and starts doing impressions of farm animals.”

Later, when the house was empty and Harriet had been put to bed messy-mouthed and content, April and Matthew were left to pick up the discarded pieces of wrapping paper and conversation. They sat the dining table, each waiting for the other to speak first. Matthew rolled a beer bottle between his palms as he tried to organize his thoughts. April traced the patterns in the woodgrain, eyes darting up to meet Matthew’s.

“Wanna talk about it?” She prompted, met only with silence. She leaned forward, palm pressed against her cheek. “I know it’s hard, but it would be nice if you let me in every once in a while.”

He replied with a non-committal grunt.

“Say something. Anything. Please, Matthew.” After a beat, she pushed back from the table and walked away. Then, just as she reached the kitchen archway –

“My wife died. What am I supposed to say?”

April’s next breath drained from her mouth. “I’m your wife, Matthew. You’re blinded by grief, not blind.”

Matthew’s head was in his hands, his voice muffled. “I lost Karin, and you saved me, April. You saved me. You know that.”

“Well, it sure doesn’t feel like it.” She snapped.

Every time they fought, April would end up sleeping in a half-empty queen size bed. She woke with a jolt when she felt a cold arm drape across her stomach. They didn’t apologize. They were long past that. They locked eyes and April grazed his cheek with the back of her hand.

“We’ll get through this together. We know each other’s pain, remember?”

“I know.” He pulled her into his chest and hummed against her lips.

That night, in spite of everything, they slept peacefully in each other’s arms.

YEAR TWO:

Shannon Baxter was the perfect suburban housewife. She had a loving husband, a well-mannered child and a meticulously manicured lawn framing their Philadelphia home. She attended church fundraisers and organized the weekly carpool with military precision. The eldest child of Don and Patricia Taylor, Shannon took the role of caregiver very seriously when her younger brother Matthew was born. She shadowed Patricia and doted on him. When Don passed away unexpectedly, she tried her best to lift her mother’s mood with paintings, songs, dance routines and poorly-executed attempts to get Matthew to eat his least favorite vegetables. At just five years old, she learned to put the needs of others above hers. When she was tormented by bullies, when she got a low grade on a test, she tried her hardest to find a way to cope by herself. Because none of that mattered when her mother was slumped over the kitchen table in fits of tears or when Matthew was rushed to the ER with a hernia.

The wall she had built with her selflessness crumbled as she sat fidgeting with the ties of a hospital gown. She was forty-three, chronically ill and struggling to accept that for the first time in her life, she would be the one being taken care of.

Her husband Scott rushed from the office to pick up their son, Thomas. He avoided his son’s persistent questions on the ride to the hospital. All he could say was –

“She’ll be fine, buddy.”

Scott was torn between comforting his son with a confident lie or frightening him with the truth. So, as cautious parents do, he chose to lie. He couldn’t, however, let Shannon or himself lie to anyone else.

Once Thomas had settled on his mother’s bed, Scott fumbled in his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, offering it to Shannon.

“Either you tell them, or I will.”

Shannon sunk back into the stiff pillow beneath her. “I can’t. I can’t put this on Mom, she’s retired. She needs time for herself.”

Scott waved the phone a little more vigorously, watching the cogs turn in his wife’s head like she was figuring out how to diffuse a bomb. She closed her eyes, inhaled deeply and took the phone from Scott’s hands with a weak stretch.

“Matty?” She exhaled slowly as she decided what to tell him. “I just wanted to call and see how you were doing. Maybe you, April and the kids could come down to Philly sometime soon?” She knew right away that Matthew would see through the small-talk. The brittle smile in her voice cracked. “Listen, something’s happened. We-“ she cleared her throat “-I need your help.”

“Already on my way, Shan.”

One of the things April loved most about Matthew was his dedication to his family. When she overheard fragments of his conversation with Shannon late on a Monday night, she didn’t pry. She didn’t have to. He already felt her presence in the room.

“Shannon’s sick.”

April untied the belt of her flannel robe and tossed it over the closet door. “Is it bad?”

“I don’t know.”

They performed their nightly ritual of fluffing and rearranging the assortment of throw pillows on the bed, Matthew’s hand chopping a little more enthusiastically than usual. Instead of settling under the comforter, Matthew flung the closet door open and pulled out his suitcase and a random assortment of clothes.

“So you’re going to Philly.” April tried – and failed - not to sound pissed.

“Yeah.” He brushed her off, stumbling into a pair of jeans.

“What about the hospital? Ruby? The church group? Matthew, you can’t just-“ April flinched as Matthew retracted a hand from his suitcase to chop at a cushion again.

“Damn it, April! Jesus, fuck.” he clasped his hands together behind his head, pacing the floor. “We’re not gonna be able to pray this away, okay? Just like I couldn’t pray away Karin’s death, and you couldn’t pray away Samuel’s. I’m going to Philly. I’ll call you when I get there.” He closed the suitcase with an aggressively swift zip and left April trembling in the bedroom.

After a long silence, she watched from the window as his car pulled out of the driveway. Even in their darkest moments, he had never insulted their faith. If his trust in God was shaken, was his faith in their relationship shaken too? She crept into the nursery, knelt between the two cribs and prayed. The shaking subsided. Her breathing slowed. Ruby cried.

“Me too, kiddo.”

April stood and scooped Ruby up, rocking her. She carried her downstairs to prep her bottle, and as she fed her, April hoped that she would be enough for her.

At first, it was easy to explain Matthew’s absence. He was on call. He was helping out at Mercy West. He was at a First Aid refresher seminar out of town. She brought Harriet and Ruby to church alone week after week, and the more she lied, the less people asked questions. But every time she lied, she prayed. She hoped for something good. For there to be a way to heal the part of her heart that Matthew had so carelessly broken.

On the fifth Sunday, April stopped lying.

There, on the front pew, was Patricia. Why wasn’t she in Philadelphia? She mustered a smile when Patricia caught her eye. At the end of the sermon, she walked over, immediately cooing over her granddaughters.

“How are my favorite girls?” She grinned. April knew she wasn’t part of the club.

“I managed to get them both to sleep last night. I don’t know how I did it.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. You’re a brilliant mother.”

Why was she being so nice? Not just civil, but actually nice?

“I try my best.” April tilted her head curiously. “I thought you were in Philadelphia.”

Patricia stiffened. “I’m going to visit. But I wanted to be here for Ruby. At least for a little while.”

Did she actually want to help April? What was really going on?

“Did Matthew ask you to stay?”

“No.” Patricia unclasped her hands. “I know your parents went back to Moline after Harriet’s birthday party, and I…” she cleared her throat “I didn’t want you to be doing this alone.”

“Thank you,” she stammered “I don’t know what to say.”

“I think the girls could use a trip to the park. You too. You look tired, April.”

“Actually, I kinda am.” She didn’t really want to admit it, but Patricia’s apparently unwavering kindness could be fleeting, so she didn’t want to pass up the chance to experience it.

“Come on,” Patricia linked arms with April “how about some ice cream for the girls and coffee for us?”

“Sounds good.” April nodded.

The tension between them seemed thinner. It felt almost normal sitting side by side on a park bench. They were just another mother and daughter-in-law on an afternoon stroll. They talked about Harriet and Ruby’s outfits. The weather. Work (and how much April sometimes missed it). Then Patricia asked the question April didn’t want to have to answer.

“How are things between you and Matthew?”

“Honestly? Difficult.” April’s foot stilled, bringing Harriet’s stroller to a halt. “After Harriet’s birthday he was…so closed off. I know he’s still grieving, but I don’t feel like I’m his wife right now.”

Patricia’s hand covered hers. “He loves you very much.”

“I know. But sometimes I think he doesn’t love me enough.” April gulped. “Because I’m not Karin.”

“How long are you going to torture yourself, April? He loves you. You have a home together. He’s wonderful with the children…” Patricia trailed off.

“What if it’s not enough?” April’s eyes stung as tears began to form.

“Do you really think Don and I didn’t fight? Every couple has their challenges, April. Grief is an obstacle, not a wall. Whether you overcome it is something you’ll find out together.”

“I keep trying to get him to open up, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing it. What if you talked to him? Would that help?”

Patricia sighed. “I suppose it’s worth a shot. I’ll see if I can talk some sense into him when I go to Philadelphia.”

“Thank you, Trish.” She hadn’t called her Trish since the wedding. And Patricia hadn’t smiled so easily hearing it. Whatever had changed between them, the two women welcomed it with open arms and cautiously open hearts.

He returned after two long months.

She heard the thud of his bag on the floor, felt the weight of his tired footsteps in the hall, but she didn’t move. She stayed slumped on a stool at the kitchen island, swilling wine around her glass, watching as a light froth formed, tiny red bubbles dissolving with each flick of her wrist.

“Goodnight, Hare-Hare.”

April’s lips pursed. She shook her head and took a long swig. No matter how hard she tried, Matthew wouldn’t stop saying it. Hearing it didn’t annoy her – she was glad that Matthew had bonded with Harriet so quickly – but it frustrated her. Like the muffled mumbles of a language she only half-understood, April and Matthew’s relationship had been reduced to a series of untranslatable misunderstandings. April had given up her career to raise Harriet and lived vicariously through Matthew. Even though he’d never asked, she’d given up everything for him. And she had begun to wonder if it had all been worth it.

When he entered the kitchen, April didn’t shy from his touch, but she didn’t respond either. There was no relieved press of her shoulders into his chest, no soft hum as his lips ghosted across her hair.

“Is she asleep?”

“Drifted right off before I could even start Goodnight, Moon.” Matthew crossed the room, opening the refrigerator to grab a beer. The bottle cap skimmed across the marble counter-top. He took a swig, smacked his lips and leaned against the island. “Pretty soon she’s gonna be reading it all by herself.”

“Oh God,” April groaned, dipping her head and raking a hand through her hair “I don’t wanna think about that. She’s growing up so fast.” Sip. “She doesn’t even watch cartoons any more. She always wants to watch the Discovery channel.” Sip.

“She’s a smart girl. She gets that from her mother.” Matthew wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her cheek.

The fresh tang of his beer-soaked lips made her acutely aware of the sharpness of her wine. Aware of how quickly things were changing. When they first met, they were both teetotal. Nights filled with the screams of trauma patients and a teething baby changed that. She had lied about her virginity and hidden Harriet from him until the truth seemed less exhausting. It occurred to her then that she had never actually stopped lying to him. Maybe that was why she was so damn tired now. Why she felt so numb.

“What’s wrong with Hattie?” April’s fingers traced the rim of her wine glass. There was a hint of harshness in her voice that caught Matthew off-guard.

“What?”

“Harriet. You always call her Hare-Hare.” She turned to him, almost spitting the words.

“Why is this a problem now? What’s going on, April?”

“I don’t know,” she stood and slapped a hand on her thigh “what is going on, Matthew?”

“Can we not do this right now? I promised Shannon I’d call her.”

“Shit, I’m sorry – how is she?”

“Coping, I think. Scott’s gonna keep me updated.”

“That’s good.”

The silence between them was awkward now. This time they couldn’t fill it with sex. They slept in the same bed, but never touched. They ate breakfast separately. They knew it was over.

A week later, Patricia came to collect Matthew and Ruby.

That night, April stopped praying.

YEAR THREE:

“Fingers crossed for new horizons…”

The words crashed through April’s mind like an oncoming tide. Jackson Avery was the last person she expected to see, especially in the middle of a storm. They had lit candles, shared drinks together, talked so easily for so long that it felt as if the trail of destruction that had been left over the past five years had finally cleared.

She could still feel the brush of his fingertips. The pressure of his body holding hers. The salty musk of his cologne lingered on her shirt. She padded over to the couch to watch Harriet as she lay sleeping, the animal blanket Jackson had bought her draped gently over her tiny body. She was three-and-a-half now. And everything was about to change.

Jackson was moving to Boston to run the Fox Foundation and continue his family’s legacy. If he was going to do it, he needed his entire family with him. He didn’t beg. He didn’t plead. He did what he was best at – he offered April the world, and for the second time, she said yes.

The hardest part about leaving wasn’t uprooting their whole lives. It was leaving Grey-Sloan Memorial. Standing in front of the hospital entrance, the building looked more imposing now than it had on their first day as interns. It held so much of their lives. They remembered their days at Mercy West, the orange scrubs, the stolen glances in the OR. How no matter what happened, something always led them back to Grey-Sloan.

“This is where you were born.” April hoisted Harriet from the stroller.

“Take one last look, kiddo.” Jackson chucked Harriet under the chin. “You okay?” He brushed a hand across the small of April’s back.

“Yeah.” April replied softly.

“Yeah.” Harriet repeated, and they both chuckled.

“Time to go.” She placed Harriet back in the stroller as Jackson reached into his pocket for his car keys.

Reliving the past can be a dangerous thing. But sometimes history is worth re-writing.

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