#fancy writings.txt

[anesica]

Dear past me,

Hello! I reckon life must be very confusing right now. Always getting uncomfortable to the point of crying whenever you get shipped with a classmate, but not knowing the reason why... Feeling super humiliated because while a lot of people don't appreciate getting shipped randomly, no one else cried non-stop from the start of the class until it's time to go home? Add in your shyness, and it becomes so, so embarassing. Even your guardian has stopped getting worried if they find you crying when they pick you up from school. They will immediately understand that you cried from the exact same reason again.

After that, the years your friends develop romantic interest in other people will begin. Having been raised to prioritize academics over romantic life, you will consider yourself as a model student, and sadly end up looking down on other kids. You openly state your opinions on how ridiculous crushes and dating are. You never respond compassionately whenever your friends come vent to you regarding romantic stuff.

Eventually, they drifted away. Without you knowing why. And it will hurt.

Slowly, you become friends with people who do enjoy romantic stuff, but don't shove it into your face. Slowly, you also learn that you're the odd one out for not feeling romantic attraction nor interest in romantic stuff. Slowly, you learn to co-exist in peace. You learn that people cannot help feeling romantic attraction, and desire to date, and heartbreaks, and that it doesn't mean they're immature or not thinking about the future. You learn to accept that, maybe, maybe you're different. And that's okay! Being different doesn't mean one of you is superior—you're just different! And both are good in their own way!

And one day... you discover the word 'aromantic'.

Aromantic

adjective | ˌā-rō-ˈman-tik

Feeling little to no romantic attraction towards others; or experiencing romantic attraction in a non-normative way.

The day you find that word will be life-changing. It will open up a whole new world for you to explore. It will teach you many, many new perspectives regarding romantic love. You start to ponder about how you feel regarding romance, because discovering aromanticism will teach you that every single person is free to feel however they want regarding romance. It's okay to love it, it's okay to hate it, it's okay to be neutral. All that matters is that you respect others' stances and boundaries, and not force your boundaries unto someone else!

Your journey into the aromanticism spectrum will also bring you to a community. This community isn't only filled by aromantic people—who are already diverse enough—but also with other a-spectrum (aspec) people. There are asexuals, aplatonics, and many others! Each one will hold different preferences and views regarding attraction. Your time there will teach you that it's okay to be uncomfortable with romance being forced at you! It doesn't mean you're no fun! It's okay to have boundaries, and it's okay if you're different from your peers!

Eventually, you will feel secure enough in your aversion towards romance. Once you feel secure enough, ironically, it will become so much easier to respect people who do feel romantic attraction (called alloromantics). How so? Well, the community believes that everyone is free to surround themselves with as much or as little romantic stuff as they want. It should be an individual's basic right, and nobody has the right to shame others. After grasping this basic fact, and knowing that there are alloromantics who will respect your dislike for romance and won't force you to date someone... It also becomes so much easier to respect them. How do I say it... Knowing they preach what they say about not breaking others' boundaries will make it easier to appreciate their right to like romance! It's embracing the fact that you not liking romance doesn't mean you're allowed to mock others for prioritizing romance, and others liking romance doesn't mean they have the right to mock you for being uncomfortable with romance.

Another important thing that you will learn is that it's okay to dislike romance in real life but still liking romantic media! Enjoying romantic fiction doesn't make you a hypocrite—it's perfectly allowed! Of course there are aromantics who also dislike romantic media, but it doesn't mean you have to prove the validity of your aromanticism by pretending to dislike romantic media, too! Each aromantics are different individuals, so of course each person will have different preferences regarding fiction, and that's okay!

All in all, to me ten years in the past,

I hope I can show myself to you and show you how much I've grown comfortable with my orientation. I'm not gonna say you will always hold a perfect mindset regarding romance, because you will indeed hurt your friends by looking down on their romantic life. But what I can promise you is that an open minded community will welcome you and slowly help you unlearn the harmful mindsets. You will grow up into someone who's respectful of all orientations. You will be able to feel proud about your aromanticism without resorting to bad-mouthing alloromantics. It won't be an easy journey, but you got this. And the long journey will all be worth it!

From me, ten years in the future 💚