#familywoes

[thoughts-of-a-transmasc-loser]

My sister in law is having a baby soon, and I asked her if she would tell me when she knew the sex of the baby. My mother in law ended up accidentally telling us what the sex was. It took another 2 weeks for my SIL to tell us the sex.

I found out today that my MIL had told my partner that SIL wasn't telling people who didn't ask. Which pissed me off because I did ask. Then I had to act like I didn't know when SIL finally did tell us.

I've already lost my brothers kids because their mother hates me and my relationship and now I might be losing another niece all because my partner gets pissed at his sisters behaviour.

[itsjustsallyy]

Me: Hey mom, want to help me with this and that?

Mom: Daughter, I love you and all, but you're such a disappointment to the family that I don't want to help you out in any shape or form any more. I failed you as a parent, but it's all your fault that I was unable to teach you shit.

Me: Oh. Ok. Thanks mom.

[cashcoleone-blog]

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[mewmart]

Unspeakable memories

Well, as usual a normal day. I think I’m a failure in life at times really. I lost my respect towards my Dad, and I’ve constantly felt that the rift that happened years ago didn’t go away at all. The root cause? M-O-N-E-Y.

It was certainly a chapter in my entire 24 years. I still remembered it happened around JC1 or JC2. I would rather choose to forget all these events but sadly I couldn’t. Well $$ must have driven him mad to the point that he wanted to chase my mum and sister out of the house. And that was simply the last straw for all of us.

Sometimes I think I’m treated more like a military subordinate than like a son. I’ve voiced out this view many times already, but well always I’m the one at the losing end. Powerless, no way to fight back.

One may say that I’m useless, I’m dependent on my Dad too much. Which may be true. I’ve not been considering such things until the harsh reality kicked in. Money has always been a source of friction for our family.

Speaking of which, he had to submit some photos for his office depicting our family’s bonds and stuff like that. Had to rush back home to “dress nicely” to take photos. Isn’t this too staged? What is the point to stage this “happy family” image? I can’t fathom the way he thinks at times. But to save trouble, I had to comply. no choice at all.

I have so many opposing ideas with my Dad and so many sources of friction with him. Grad trip going to tatters because he’s unwilling to help me a bit even when I volunteered to pay back after I work. There are many many more problems between us which are too much to list. I must say though, grad trip is the least of my worries right now. It is really not that important despite the disappointment and all. What is worrying would be, if I take too long to get a job, I’ll be just a “parasite” inviting more judgment from my Dad and increasing the level of friction again.

I really wish I can be financially independent as soon as possible, so that I can break free from the chains of mental torment from having so many issues and conflicts within the family about money.

With the workload of the final semester starting to get heavier, and with him “pressuring” me to get the degree that HE wanted, and no grad trip to look forward to, am I seriously out of sorts? or just waiting to implode when I can’t take it anymore?