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hazyheel · 6 years ago

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Wrestling Dontaku 2019 night 1 Review

In our opener, we had Ren Narita, Shota Umino and Tomoaki Honma up against Yuya Uemura, Yota Tsuji and Toa Henare. Tsuji and Uemura seem to have been developing a rivalry, as they absolutely destroyed each other whenever they were in the ring. Henare was kept out for most of the match, so naturally he dominated when he eventually tagged in. Narita and Uemura also were very aggressive when against each other, with commentary pointing out that Narita seemed to have Uemura’s number. And funnily enough, Uemura had a big advantage against Narita, but Narita caught him coming off the ropes with a beautiful bridging belly to bell suplex for the win.

Grade: B-. Pretty good stuff. I like the various feuds going on with the young lions, and I am curious to see where both Narita and Umino will be going for their excursions, which could be coming up soon enough. Either way, those two are the big faces of the Young Lions now, and they are very talented.

Next up, the Suzuki-Gun team of Minoru Suzuki, TAKA Michinoku, El Desperado and Yoshinobu Kanemaru against Jushin Thunder Liger, Ryusuke Taguchi, YOSHI-HASHI and Tiger Mask. Of course, the heels attacked before the bell, led to a brawl around ringside. At one point, Taguchi was on the top rope so Suzuki Gun could be thrown into his butt, but the heels fought the rest of his team off. They all gathered behind him in the ring as he got the crowd to cheer for him. Suzuki really tried to destroy Liger, holding a cross armbreaker for far too long, and continuing to attack him while the ref tried to check on Liger. The violence continued as the two tagged out, and TAKA came in to fight Tiger Mask. The two had a short sequence, but TAKA won after a single leg dropkick and a Michinoku Driver. After the bell, Suzuki continued to assault Liger on the outside.

Grade: B. This was alright, nothing spectacular. Mostly used to build up the Suzuki and Liger rivalry. Important that TAKA got the pin though, as that gives him a lot of momentum going into the Best of the Super Juniors. Other than that, it was a standard 8-man tag in New Japan.

Next tag match pitted Will Ospreay, Toru Yano and Togi Makabe against HIKULEO, Tama Tonga and Tonga Loa. BULLET CLUB jumped before the bell, making the two heel factions of New Japan kinda blend together. Yano had a funny segment where he was scared of both members of GOD, and also tried to get them disqualified by tossing them the removed ringpost. The heels really showcased their ferocity and teamwork, destroying both Makabe and Yano throughout the match with quick tags. Ospreay was putting in work, but even he had to put on the breaks when Jado nailed him with a kendo stick while coming off the ropes. After Yano and Makabe broke up a pinfall, they brawled on the outside with the Guerrillas, allowing Ospreay to get the win with an os cutter on Hikuleo.

Grade: B. Fine match, I liked the story. Ospreay is in a really strong position right now, where he can pin heavyweights consistently. That makes him a favorite in the best of the super juniors. However, I don’t know who will be challenging for the Tag Team Championships nor the 6-man belts in the future. That remains to be seen.

Then we had LIJ’s Tetsuya Naito, Shingo Takagi and BUSHI, against Kota Ibushi, SHO and YOH. Lots of intense rivalries in this one, and you can really feel it watching the match. Takagi in particular looked really good in this match, being able to go toe to toe with Ibushi. Takagi also nearly ate his first pinfall, after narrowly avoiding a 3k. However, the faces pulled it off, with Ibushi nailing Bushi with a kamagoye.

After the match, Ibushi got on the mic and asked Naito to answer him about the challenge for the Intercontinental Championship, and gave him until night 2 to find out. However, Naito just jumped in the ring and implied that he would have accepted the challenge for tomorrow night, but the card was decided. I guess we will have to see whether or not it happens. I think it won’t come until Dominion, but I would love to see that match on the already stacked night 2.

Grade: B+. Narrowly better than the other matches on the card, but better nontheless. The rivalries that filled this match made it more exciting, along with the quality of those invovled. Even though there wasn’t a lot of high spots, it was a good, fundamental match. Nothing more I can ask for.

Next up was Jay White, Bad Luck Fale and Chase Owens against Mikey Nicholls, Hirooki Goto and Juice Robinson. Robinson was dressed like Randy Savage, so that was exciting. Surprisingly enough, the faces were working incredibly well as a team, covering for each other and aiding when necessary. Owens started to steal Robinson’s punches, which made Robinson super pissed on the apron. White and Goto looked very good in this match, both coming across as the MVP’s for their team, although Robinson was very on point tonight. Owen’s looked like he might get yet another win over Robinson, but Robinson fought out of a package piledriver, and nailed pump friction for the win.

After the match, a video package played. It had the tag line of “time’s up,” it played footage of Robinson, and then left the date of the BOSJ finals. So it seems like whoever this is will be the next challenger for the US championship. Makes sense. As for who it may be, my guess would be Kawato. He went out for excursion to CMLL a while back, and given the highly Mexican feel of the video package, it could be him. But I also don’t know much about him, nor many Mexican wrestlers who may be jumping to new japan, so I could be wrong.

Grade: B+. This was the best of the multi-man tag team matches. White and Goto are not nearly finished with each other, Nicholls is still trying to really break out in New Japan, and Robinson is finally having a dominant title reign. I liked these stories going in, I like how Robinson really wrapped up his feud with BULLET CLUB, and I absolutely love the mystery set for the BOSJ finals. I like the storylines, and I liked the match.

Into a special tag match, EVIL and SANADA took on Kazuchika Okada and Tomohiro Ishii, their opponents for night 2. Okada is still getting a pop for having trunks rather than pants, which is so weird but awesome. The story being told here is how much Ishii and Evil hate each other, and also Sanada’s increasing ability to go the distance with Okada. Ishii hardly cared about Sanada, even when the two were in the ring together. Evil targetted Ishii’s legs in a move that could come back up during their singles match. Sanada looked great in this match, really flying around to take down Ishii, and he continued to wrestle to stalemates against Okada. A lot of this match was simple singles competition, but it really picked up when everyone started acting like a team. LIJ was able to hit Ishii with a magic killer, but refused to pin him. Instead he opted for the scorpion deathlock, in an attempt to embarrass Ishii. Okada tried to run interference, but was caught in skull end by Sanada. The referee eventually had to stop the match after Ishii was stuck in the scorpion deathlock for over a minute.

Grade: A-. I really liked this match. At first it seemed like a simple preview, though entertaining. However, as the match wore on and it became more of a tag match, the excitement really picked up. Big victory for Evil, even if Ishii didn’t actually tap. I think that he could pull out the victory again tomorrow night, and that would be a huge boost of momentum for the coming months. As for Sanada, he is really getting a big push right now, and I think the match will be awesome, but this match didn’t change my opinion on the outcome. Still, this match did make me excited.

Into the title matches, Taichi took on Jeff Cobb for the NEVER Openweight Championship. Taichi stalled like crazy in the beginning of the match. Taichi tried several dirty tricks early on, such as having Miho Abe (the lady that comes out with Taichi) distract Cobb so that he could get a shot in, although it did not affect Cobb at all. He also used Abe as a shield to prevent a suicide dive, enlisted the help of Yoshinobu Kanemaru to fight Cobb while the ref was down, and of course used the mic stand as a weapon. Cobb eventually fought his way back into the match, hitting an awesome delayed superplex. The match became a battle from behind for Taichi, whose strikes could rock Cobb, but couldn’t match his strength. At one point, Cobb hit a huge gutwrench suplex, only to pick him up again and hit a piledriver. Taichi did a great job of slipping out of the tour of the islands, countering one into a roll up. Right after that, Taichi pushed the ref and hit a low kick and a gedo clutch, but Cobb again kicked out. However, Taichi was on a role, hitting his superkick and black mephisto for the win and the NEVER Openweight Championship.

Grade: B+. Very good match, but not quite in A range. I thought the lay out and story of the match was quite good, the way Taichi had to continuously change his strategy to take out the incredibly strong Jeff Cobb. I am sad to see Cobb’s reign end so quick, especially since he is on a role right now, but he probably has too busy of a schedule to work in New Japan consistently. Makes sense. Taichi really does deserve a run, so I am glad to see that. Also, I realized midway through the show that the whole “winning streak” for Cobb that I mentioned in my predictions was false, cuz he lost at Honor Rising night 2. So I feel dumb, but I am fine with this outcome. Congrats Taichi.

And the main event, Taiji Ishimori vs. Dragon Lee for the IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship. The video package for this match focused a surprising amount on Hiromu Takahashi, so hopefully that means the return is soon. Lee came out with the Kamaitaichi mask on his head as well, another nod to Takahashi. Ishimori refused the handshake at the start of the match, which really set the tone for the rest of the contest. The pace that these guys wrestled at was inhuman, I loved it. Lee worked over Ishimori’s leg in order to slow him down, but that hardly worked. Ishimori opted to go for Lee’s mask rather than a body part, although it seemed to cause Lee just as much pain. At one point, Ishimori hit an awesome crucifix bomb for a near fall, and Lee came right back with a one arm powerbomb for a near fall. On the outside, Ishimori countered simply being thrown into the ring by handspringing off of the ropes on the outside, and then arm dragging Lee into the barrier. The two then kicked into a second gear, with Lee hitting a superkick, Ishimori a bicycle kick, Lee a snap german suplex, Ishimori a mexican destroyer, and finally a huge falcon arrow from Lee for a near fall. Ishimori was able to lock in a lebel lock for a long submission sequence. Lee fired up after a double knee gutbuster, hitting a bicycle knee, a reverse rana and a running knee for a near fall, and then the dragon driver for the win.

After the match, Lee put over Hiromu Takahashi, saying that the win was for him and that the match is waiting for Takahashi. Can’t wait.

Grade: A. Definitely match of the night. These guys blended together extremely well and put on an awesome, fast paced match. The strikes were hard, both competitors were desperate to win, and they put on a crazy show for everyone deserving of the main event. Dragon Lee has proved that he deserves the championship, and Ishimori still stays as a favorite for Best of the Super Juniors. The spots were just so brutal, but it was impossible to look away. Love this match, definitely recommend a watch.

Overall Grade: B+

Pros: Suzuki and Liger feud; Ospreay booking; Chaos + Ibushi vs. LIJ; Mystery US Title challenger; special tag match; NEVER Openweight Match; main event

Cons: no more Jeff Cobb

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wrestlinghasmelike-blog · 7 years ago

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Monday Night Raw-April 30th, 2018: First Hour

Hey what’s up, fam? Happy Monday to y’all. I had a stressful and anxious, but productive day. I hope you guys had a better day than I did, and I hope that we’re all ready for Raw!

Also, this week is going to be a busy week for me, so I don’t know when I’ll have my G.R.R thoughts up, or when I’ll get a chance to watch it. When I do, you’ll know!

Please let me know what you thought of the show! What was your favorite match? Favorite segment? Leave some comments, I’d love to hear from you! Please share the posts if you have a moment!

Opening- Roman Reigns

Wow, what a not warm welcome at all for Roman tonight. That was a massive amount of boos for Roman. I’m a little shocked, to be honest. I mean he’s not my favorite, but with all the shit he’s been going through with Brock and the company lately, I think he deserves at least some appreciation.

...when are we going to get our full-time champion? I’m not waiting another year for a new champion.

Canada really does not like Roman oh dear. This is what happens when you force a guy to be the face of the company when no one wants him.

Samoa Joe came on the screen so suddenly it scared me honestly. He and Roman will be facing off at Backlash this Sunday, one-on-one. I’m predicting that Roman will walk away with a win. WWE needs to build him up again, make him a strong force again.

Jinder is now confronting Roman, claiming that he will beat Roman tonight? Are they fighting? Can they not?

SAMI ZAYN IS OUT AND THAT POP HE GOT HAS WARMED MY HEART I ADORE THIS MAN

AND NOW KEVIN OWENS IS OUT AHHH THIS IS ALSO ANOTHER AMAZING CROWD REACTION AHHH

I live for Kevin and Sami speaking French to the crowd and them chanting French back to them.

They’re all fighting about who’s gonna face Roman, but I know as well as everyone else that this will somehow turn into a tag match.

Bobby Lashley has come to the aid of Roman, as well as Braun Strowman.

...I smell a 6-man tag, don’t you...

Elias vs. Bobby Roode

Apparently, the newest rumor surrounding Elias is that he is on his way to being the newest boy to get a push. I have mixed feelings on that, honestly. He can get behind all the other guys who deserve the push more than he does. Like Finn, as I keep saying. Where’s his push dammit?

Roode is doing okay on Raw thus far. He’s pretty much won every match he’s been a part of, except the loss to Elias last Monday, but he is a title-picture guy, not a mid-card competitor. WWE needs to treat Bobby appropriately, or they’re going to lose a great athlete.

Bobby just landed a picture perfect dropkick to the jaw of Elias. Bobby is so goddamned calculated with his moves. Dropkicks, blockbusters, Bobby will nail them every time. I think he’s being paired with Elias right now so Bobby can rub some of his veteran skills off on Elias. Elias is coming into his own as a wrestler, if he could only move away from the guitar a little bit.

Elias has taken the momentum away from Bobby in the match now, literally chucking Bobby all the way across the ring. Elias’ aggressive personality and in-ring work could help him if he gets a push, but I don’t know if he’s ready for the Universal Title push. Like he could beat Brock anyway, but still.

These guys are putting on a better match than I anticipated. Bobby and Elias were given time to fight, they’ve used it well, and this is a great match. Bobby is bringing the fight, but he can’t get too frustrated, or Elias is going to take that control back, like he just did.

A small package sequence led to Bobby being thrown into the ring post neck first by Elias, and he just bounced off the post and flew onto the floor, clutching his neck and chest in agony. I hope that this is not a true injury to Bobby, because he’s honestly selling it so well I cannot tell. The ref never really counted out Bobby, but Elias took a microphone anyway and announced himself as the winner. Elias is a good heel and all, but let’s actually finish a match for once, shall we?

Authors of Pain vs. Local Talent (Jean-Paul and Francois?)

Ugh, alright.

Stop with the local talent, and give AoP the tag titles now.

AoP slammed these guys. Next!

Seth Rollins

Well, in what I heard was a pretty good match last Friday, Seth retained the title and Finn was very upset and got a really bad cut on his eye. My brother texted me that Finn was bleeding really badly and I was ready to lose my shit at work. But congrats to Seth anyway, if Finn can’t get the title, then I’m glad Seth can.

It’ll be Seth vs. Miz, who is on Smackdown now, this Sunday. I can’t help but wonder if Finn will insert himself in that match at all. If he isn’t, he won’t have anything for this Sunday, and I absolutely hate that.

Seth is hyped up tonight. He is the true champion of Raw, and the greatest one we have right now. The crowd is so behind him, it’s insane. The crowd is truly amazing tonight, I wish I was there in person, but I’m feeling the emotion through my screen, and it’s amazing. As much shit as the WWE gives us, these are the best moments.

Finn is out now, sporting a black eye that just breaks my heart. And he spoke French! I’m dead!

FINN CHALLENGED SETH FOR THE TITLE TONIGHT GODDDDD

FINN JUST FUCKING SAID I LIKE THAT BUTT BUT HE MEANT BUT OH MY GOODNESS THIS SHOW

The title match is set!

The Miztourage is out now, presenting Seth and Finn with a new “business opportunity” to become the new four horsemen of the WWE.

OH MY GOD FINN SNEAK ATTACKED SETH IS THIS PRINCE DEVITT WE’RE SEEING PLEASE GODDD PLEASE

I can’t wait for the title match now.

Sasha Banks vs. Ruby Riott

I am very exhausted with Sasha Banks. She was never a favorite of mine, and currently, I think she’s losing her pull with the fans. She’s got to step up her game somehow and win the crowd back, or at least turn heel and rewrite the character a bit.

I’m also feeling a little exhausted with the Riott Squad and Absolution alike. They bring the exact same things to the table, and they show no originality in their respective groups. I get excited with these women factions for a good while, but when they become stagnant like this, I lose interest. They cannot do the same things every week.

The crowd seems more into the match after a commercial break, and it looks like Ruby brought out some aggressiveness to bring Sasha down a bit.

This match has a lot of false finishes, it’s...getting to be too long.

Ruby just did this awesome backwards cannonball jump off of the top rope it was so cool! Sasha also kicked out of that how in theeee helllllll

With the help of Sarah Logan and Liv Morgan, Ruby was able to overwhelm Sasha and kick her off the top rope and pin her.

That wraps up the first half of Raw. An interesting show for the time being, and that Finn/Seth segment oof my heart. The crowd is awesome tonight. I’m excited for that title match later!

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mangafeeds · 4 years ago

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Jashin-chan Dropkick.

Alternative : 邪神ちゃんドロップキック ; 邪神与厨二病少女 ; False God My Dropkick ; Jyashin-chan Dropkick

Jashin-chan Dropkick summary: Jyashin-chan Dropkick is a violent slapstick comedy about a delusional gothic lolita, Yurine, who summons a demon girl with the tail of a cobra, Jyashin-chan. They'll have to live together -- until Yurine finds a way to send Jyashin-chan back to hell, or until Jyashin-chan kills Yurine. #MangaFeeds.com, #ReadFreeMangaOnline MangaFeeds.Com: Read manga online the latest manga comic book, updated daily: https://mangafeeds.com/post/jashin-chan-dropkick_1585939298

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grizzlefur · 8 years ago

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WWEm - Dab v Banana: Whoever Wins, We Look Dumb

Transmission date: Monday 1/Tuesday 2 May 2017

Bust open those diet planners, it's time for SUNDAY NIGHT PALEO!

wait

shit

it's monday afternoon raw

welp, keep it rolling

so yeah, this is the raw after payback

which i mostly remember, but largely thanks to looking it up

we're in sacramento

and as the show starts, the women's division are in the ring

it's carpeted and there's a podium

and here comes alexa to do a big entrance

bayley is somewhat less than impressed

recap slideshow of the title match from payback

featuring alexa stark and head trauma

bayley's wearing a sleeveless jacket over her gear for some reason

alexa sarcastically thanks everyone for turning up because she told kurt to tell them to

god, i love all the words she says

apparently the queen is dead

well, that's a hell of a way to find out

alexa proclaims herself a goddess

that's usually bray's thing

she's set up her own coronation because just being given a belt isn't enough for her

thanks mickie for being an inspiration while also calling her old

thanks sasha, who is dressed even more as a matador than usual

for getting pinned

sasha gets up in her face, she backs up and walks into nia

alexa's like you know what we're good moving on

emma's just stood there smirking like i have no history with you i'll just get the popcorn

alexa gets on the podium, remembers to thank bayley at last

crowd start chanting for bayley, alexa's like yeah thanks i do know her name

talks smack about her family in the audience, bayley is getting tenser and tenser

alexa says bayley's nephews finally have a real role model, bayley's like fuck it, tips over the podium, brawl begins

cut to ads, and we come back on a tag match

bayley/sasha/dana/mickie v alexa/emma/nia/alicia

emma takes some hits, you can just hear alexa on the apron shouting, "Cmon Emma, you're embarrassing us!"

mickie tags in to kick emma in the face seven different ways

emma's lost the smiley boob face, which is a shame

but she has taken to wearing turquoise lipstick, so i can get behind that

dana gets a phase against alicia, in which we can see how much she's improved

she's actually a pretty good wrestler now

alicia's gear has been redesigned again, and this time seems to have been constructed largely at random

this is such an archetypal whole-division let's-all-do-our-spots exhibition tag match

sasha decides to slow down the formula by putting alicia in a leg trap straitjacket for a solid minute

alexa shouts at alicia to come and tag, alicia, still tied in knots by sasha, shouts back "I'M TRYING!"

cut to ads, and when we come back nia jax has punched sasha's soul out

nia tags in, elbow drops sasha in the back

ouch

alexa is standing at ringside doing the whole let's you and him fight thing

refusing to even entertain the idea of tagging in

nia does her chancery toss on sasha so the slowmo replay guy has something to do

sasha fights out a few times, with nia dropping her again every time, and finally tagging alexa in

sasha has many skills, but nobody ever talks about how well she bumps

she can take damage like nobody's business

sasha finally manages to get a tag, enter bayley, grudge match commences

mashes alexa's face into the turnbuckle, yknow, like babyfaces do

bayley to belly for a near-fall, broken by nia doing an elbow drop

cue everyone beating on everyone

dana and mickie take down nia, emma takes dana, alicia takes sasha, alexa takes the distraction to rake bayley's eyes and ddt for the pin

i know i said formula, but it's a good formula

that was a good match

heels pose in the ring, faces carry their heroine out, alexa mocks everyone in the world

yes, that includes you

and now we talk about braun/roman

and a replay of braun v. ambulance round 2

later we have updates on both of their condition

also seth rollins tells us what's next

but actually next, chickenfucker and large have a match

enzo swaggers in like he's shat himself

or maybe he's riding a very short invisible horse

apparently they haven't slept, because they had a match

which was at like 4 p.m. local time

you guys need to sort out your sleep schedule

mid-smacktalk, anderson and gallows blindside them but end up getting thrown out of the ring

enzo looks even more concussed than usual

cut to ads, cut back and the match is on

it's enzo/gallows solo, which is a totally reasonable matchup

booker t makes a public enemy reference to show us how cool he is

although that consisted of just naming people who were in public enemy before mumbling and talking about something else, having never quite reached whatever point he was aiming for

most of this match has comprised gallows knocking enzo down, then doing wolfpac hands over him

he does know that's not how you pin someone, right?

i mean, i think enzo's a tool, but still, five solid minutes of him getting the shit kicked out of him does not make entertaining television

enzo keeps getting brief showings of offence before gallows is just like lol no and kicks him in the face

even the announce team are making fun of booker for talking shit and never finding the point

enzo gets a second rope dropkick, gallows actually goes down for once

gallows ends up on his knees, enzo does an honest to god randy-style punt to his head

not something i expected to see

near-pin off that, then a brief confrontation between cass and karl lets gallows drop enzo for the pin

well, that was definitely a worthy continuation of the preshow

and now we're in the locker room

tjp approaches neville to be smug and insouciant

and ask about his near-loss last night

neville's like fuck off mate, i like you but anyone who says that can still go fuck themselves

apparently it was the referee's fault

neville does a whole thing about how austin is occupying tj's rightful contendership spot

so we've got perkins/aries later

this is so sith

darth neville swishes off, cut to ads

up next, seth rollins does something

either someone's broken a drum machine, or here he comes

swaggers in like yeah i am awesome aren't i, but now we all love him for it

pumps the crowd, who are apparently feeling good

seth's out to do a freestyle speech about the fans and his career and it sounds like he's getting a lifetime achievement award or some shit

"You gotta embrace the sucky part of life just as much as the good stuff, man."

deep

he's beaten everybody around, so now he wants brock

or more specifically, the belt

he's like i've been to suplex city and fuck that place

its tripadvisor ratings must be terrible

"Large man pounded me into jam. Wifi coverage acceptable. No breakfast. 1.5/5"

in bursts finn to be like hey wait a minute are you forgetting the bit where i beat you for that title with ONE FUCKING ARM fuck away off with you

and...here's dean?

what claim does he even have

swings in with his belt, makes some jokes, does a thing about fighting champions

like we all know brock no longer exists, so why isn't everyone here to fight me fuck it i'm dean ambrose i'll fight anyone one time i punched a toddler for a happy meal toy he found in a gutter i stepped on my mother's face to get to the last slice of borthday cake i'm crazy fuck it

enter an angry miz, who doesn't like dean making a mockery of his belt

finn steps to him, miz is like yeah you cheapshotted me good job sod off

calls dean out for not defending the belt at payback

and just straight-up calls seth a gimp

didn't know that was pg

apparently we all hate miz because he's too good at wrestling

dean, finn and seth all tell him to shut up in perfect unison

dean's like hey i can sort this out, you know what everyone likes? Everyone likes seeing miz get beaten up

gets his mobile out, calls kurt

who apparently is not happy dean has his personal number

but he has agreed to miz/seth/finn for ic title contendership tonight

dean's like fuck i'm good and walks out, leaves the others arguing

i love how the ic belt is the de facto top title now that brock's fucked away off to his house made of suplexes

but now, let's have a dramatic slideshow of roman/braun at payback

while the announcers remind us that roman, braun and kalisto have all been in hospital

i had forgotten how brutal then end of that match was

.but braun breaking the ambulance is still hilarious

his is like an anime fight scene

what with the length, constant false endings, and everyone ending up totally fucked

is this braun's final form

but now, purple rope time

6-man tag, which is wwe code for 'we finished all the storylines we had planned, let's put everyone in the ring at once so we can set up the new feuds'

nese/kendrick/dar versus...

i'm guessing swann/ali/gallagher

oh look, it's rich swann

oh yeah, wait, tozawa

how the fuck did i forget him

probably because in my mind he's main eventing everything

and jack

two out of three, i guess

jack comes out with spare umbrellas so all three of them can pose with them

truly gentlemanly

we open with kendrick/tozawa, continuing their educate-off

kendrick's tights tonight are the flat blue of default-coloured clothes on your minimum-effort CAW

kendrick tags out to nese, who beats the fuck out of tozawa

so yeah, this is just another multi-man exhibition thing

have we had any singles matches so far?

and i'm not counting enzo/gallows, because that was basically a tag match

three babyfaces team up to throw tony nese at noam and brian as we cut to break

tony is still riding for astana, and i remain unconvinced that those colours suit him

vertical holds akira with one arm while admiring his lovely bicep, before just dumping him on the top rope

...ow

holds him in a torture rack for ages, looking inches from just saying fuck it and dropping a burning hammer

which would be one hell of a way to get fired

tozawa finally manages to tag out off the distraction of tony nese being a dick, brawlery begins

captain's hook on gallagher, akira breaks it with a shining wizard

akira and rich keep the others occupied while jack hits his big dropkick for the pin

good match, but zero narrative content

and also, where the fuck is mustafa ali

but now, let's talk about the tag scene

and the ongoing saga of jeff hardy's tooth

complete with incisive commentary

(i'm sorry)

and the KKB finally turning heel

and now we get slowmo highlighted video of the tooth leaving his mouth for some reason

but now, here come my favourite tag team to explain themselves

both wearing heavy black jackets and aviator shades now

so you know they're evil

also lessens the blinding risk of their intro somewhat

the crowd aren't sure how to react

oh, now the music stops, the boos are in

oh my god, people are booing cesaro

there's a thing

shockingly, i like their coats

sheamus does a whole thing about how he's finally free to admit that he's always hated the audience because they've always been shit to him

which is fair, really

and cesaro's joined him on the dark side because mania was supposed to be their moment until the hardyz showed up

he gets a fiery bit ripping on the crowd for embracing a nostalgia act over current talent

which is also totally fair

i do love these two on the mic

they take it to the hardyz for being a novelty act

the crowd are finally getting properly behind booing them

this is a proper heel turn with some reason and thought behind it

i approve

apparently they are the bar

said like it's their new catchphrase

and here come said novelty act

matt does one delete arm, gets on the mic with his weird in-between accent

and then they do one more together before rushing the ring

cesaro and sheamus are just like fuck that and walk off before they can get their hands on them

i like this feud a lot

you could probably tell

and now, charly interviews miz and maryse in a room made of led boards

asking about the match tonight

miz does a whole speech about method acting, and while the frame's on him, charly turns into dean

asks another sarcastic question, miz gives him a dirty look and walks off

but now, heath and rhyno are here?

video from earlier tonight, with heath giving apollo parenting advice

until titus appears to shield his protégé like dude i'm the best dad why wouldn't you come to me i'm hurt

so now here they come too

the match is heath/apollo

i'm not sure where this angle is going, so let's see

heath gets put in a headscissors, jumps out of it and lands into a headlock, shouting "THAT'S A COUNTER, BABY!"

god, i love that redneck weirdo

and he is really technically good

for all that i don't really get the story of it, this is a good technical match

most of the narrative is in the reactions of their managers

titus distracts heath briefly, spinout powerbomb for the pin

titus does his post-win selfie with apollo, rhyno photobombs them because of course he does

like fuck my wounded tag partner, this'll be hilarious

apparently on 205 we have tjp/lince, ali/gulak and dar/swann

sounds good

but now, we talk about two men murdering each other last night

at least, now we advance the story

we've been talking about it all night

on which note, here comes a kurt

not sure it needs him to be out here, but fuck it, it's kurt angle, everyone loves him

and his weird kidney bean head

apparently braun/roman was the most physical match kurt's ever seen

[citation needed]

apparently roman has reinjured his ribs, and braun tore his rotator cuff

god, i hope that's a work

speech continues, WYATT CUT

there's no real reason for bray to be here, it's just fun to fuck with the administration

and besides, he needs something to do now that his last victim is on a different show

(can i have a sidebar to talk about how much i hope the house of horrors is going to be a recurring thing?)

(cos i really do)

music cuts, lights stay down except for one on bray and kurt

kurt's stood there like what the actual fuck

bray introduces himself to kurt, everyone pops

apparently he's here tonight as our saviour

i want to see his door-to-door missionaries

apparently randy will forever be trapped in the house of horrors

did he not watch the second half of the match either?

so now that's done, bray has come here as the angel of raw

he can fix us all, apparently

every part of him can heal us from the poison we can't feel

so bray's here to ask if kurt is willing to let him do his work

kurt's like i don't fucking know, that was super vague

but this is my show

which elicits major cackling from bray

and he's like sure, but this is my world

wyatt cut, end

and now dean is back in interview mode

turns up in the locker room, sticks a mic in seth's face like how are you feeling about the match tonight

seth's like what the fuck is this why are you doing interviews this wasn't scheduled or anything

to which dean counters with "Well, there are cameras in here. Be pretty weird if there were cameras in the locker room and there *wasn't* an interview planned."

this is probably the best-written episode of raw in like ever

dean gets sidetracked pitching his new interview show on the network

wants it to be the today show or the daily show

seth's like um dude those are real shows

dean asks seth how he feels about the prospect of winning this and facing dean ambrose, seth gives him a weird look and does the rest of the interview in the third person too#

this is fucking gold

they do a semi-friendly faceoff, dean's like welp dean got surprised once, won't happen again

[tensionnnnnnn]

signs off (to gorilla), and it's cruiserweight time vol. 2

(for the record, the first time he signed off to bobby and gene)

so yes, it's Dab v Banana: Whoever Wins, We Look Dumb

tj finally gets an attack phase in, thanks entirely ti crotching austin on the turnbuckle

works the knee, wraps it up in the ropes

so yeah, narrative is happening

stands on austin's knee and dabs, because twat

i am enjoying angry tjp with something to prove, as opposed to entitled worthy millennial tjp

austin's fighting in underdog mode, so he's so going to win

ooh, tj bullfights austin into the post, then gets him in a half-crab while sitting on the top turnbuckle

that ticks my shit-i've-never-seen-before box

austin gets the upper hand, hits the sloppiest fucking suicide dive ever

sort it out, austin

although i guess that could just be him selling damage

but hey

and now he gets the whole pendulum elbow and second rope elbow drop combos

tj goes for a detonation kick, austin counters with a shin breaker and suplex, goes for the discus fivearm, tj kicks him in the hurt knee, goes for detonation again, austin counters directly into the last chancery for the tap

good match, lovely finish

as the ref's raising austin's hand, tj chop blocks him and puts him in a kneebar, because, once again, twat

ref finally pulls him off, so he saunters off, smirking like douchebag pinoy fred savage

cut to backstage, finn gets ambushed by interview dean

finn is hardcore, does his whole fuck nerves i'm awesome thing, so dean finishes up by giving him a twinkie

"For the love of God, man, eat a carb!"

outstanding moment, not damaged at all by the fact that i had it spoiled

finn takes one bite and stalks off, dean starts eating the rest, when *atmospheric strum* elias shitting samson looms out of the shadows

dean's just like okay cool i have music now, asks him for pearl jam

elias gives him a look, walks off, still playing

huh

and...cut to goldust?

pitching a film to kurt

The Golden Quest

truth translates, they want a title match

kurt's like jesus guys stop asking me you never win anything you can't have a title match why the fuck would that happen

goldust prevails upon him some more, kurt finally caves and puts them in a turmoil match for contendership next week

they leave, kurt's just like thank fuck they're gone

and now the announce team do a thing about jericho, despite him not being on this show any more

cue facebook video of kurt bidding him farewell

well, that advanced approximately nothing

but was short

so hey, swings and roundabouts

but now it's main event time

*does the arms*

oh my god i just flashed forward to how sweet it'll be the first time he does the demon entrance again

it's gonna be so good

whatever you think about miz, you've got to admit that entrance is just the most polished thing

and maryse is spectacularly attired, as ever

one day i'll get through a show without being desperately jealous of maryse's wardrobe, but it is not this day

in contrast to those two, seth's entrance is just shouting at the crowd and amping them up

aka cenaing all over the place

this is the classic triple threat dynamic of heel/face/i'm a fucking demon screw your dichotomies

naturally, miz opens by rolling out like it's cool you guys have your match

and he'll lurk at the edge until he sees an opportunity

every time there's a pin attempt, he lunges into the ring and they just look at him until he's just like ooooookaaaaaaaay and slides back out

they're finally giving up on that plan and going after miz

seth chases miz, miz runs into the ring, sees finn is still there and is just like ...ah

tries to talk his way out of it, they both kick him in the face

proper three-way begins

but most of it is still seth/finn, to be honest

and you know what?

i don't give a shit

the whole match could be seth/finn and i'd still watch the crap out of it

it'd be amazing

seth goes for a tope, maryse gets deployed as a shield

finn goes for him, she does it again

but that opens him up for seth

i've just noticed how much black and silver gear we have in the ring

seth goes to the top rope, miz pushes him off, he falls to ringside, lands feet-first and his his head on the barricade

jesus, dude,

please don't die

miz goes for his bryan spot, gets kicked in the face

seth appears back in the ring to crossbody finn, lands on his neck, we don't even get a good shot of it because miz headbutts the camera

jesus christ, seth

cool it down like 20%

it'll still be great, and you won't die

by now, everybody in this match is just beat to shit

and it's been great

finn tries to get back in the ring, miz hits him with seth

lines them both up for the yes kicks

finn throws him at seth, who catches him into a ddt hold, then drops it down as finn kicks him in the face

this is fucking balletic

finn kicks miz out of the ring, clotheslines seth out, then runs along the apron to punt miz in the head, runs all the way around to do a massive dropkick launching seth into the barricade, then carries him into the ring for a 1916

miz breaks the pin

i really thought that was gonna be the finish

what a fucking sequence

god, i've missed finn

sling blades seth, lines up for a corner dropkick, miz crotches him into the ring post

mis goes for a finale, seth counters, miz kicks him in the knee and ddts him

and now, figure four

finn breaks it by kicking miz in the head again, near-fall

i have no fucking clue where this match is going to go, but it's fantastic

everyone kicks everyone in the head, seth nearly pins finn

seriously, maybe cool it with the headkicking

i hear it's not good for you

miz tries a comeback, seth ddts him into the post, then hits them both with a double blockbuster, and frog splash for the near-fall

hoooooly shit

the crowd are going absolutely mental, and who can blame them

miz goes to the top rope, seth throws finn at the cameraman and counters into a superplex and a falcon arrow

that's the speed you superplex at

and STILL no pin

suicide dives both of them, when samoa fucking joe spinebusters him at ringside and walks off shouting

so guess we're doing that

sling blade to miz, corner dropkick, lines up for the coup de grace, FUCKING WYATT CUT and bray pushes him off the top and hits sister abigail, than vanishes in another cut

what the actual fuck is going on

and miz crawls over to pin finn and carry on the dean/miz feud

so coming out of that, we have dean/miz (fun), joe/seth (great), and bray/finn (HYPE HYPE HYPE)

that was a great match, capping off a really good episode and setting up a load of good feauds

i am a happy shitposter

and we fade on miz and maryse embracing on the ramp, finn seething in the ring, and ofiicials checking on seth slumped against the barricade like what's going on did i win

wow

*exhales*

with a perhaps-vain hope that that momentum will continue, i'm gonna go get a drink (i think we all need one), and then we're going to SMACK MONDAY AFTERNOON DOWN!

(wait no, it's monday afternoon smackdown)

(daniel, can you *please* stop delivering my memos in jigsaw form)

and in my case, that drink is a carton of strawberry-flavoured soya milk, because i'm hardcore

but yes

downsmackery

we open with video from earlier, with jinder doing a triumphal photoshoot with the belt

until shane turns up like ahem don't think that's yours

jinder scowls, cut to titles

apparently jinder's fighting sami later

burlesque!lana is in the titles, despite never having actually turned up

and the show proper opens with the commissioner soft-shoeing his way in, as usual

shane does a cheap pop, so at least now i know where we are

(fresno, for the record)

shane does a big intro for smackdown's latest bescarfed title-holder

oh my god he should replace the belt with a championship scarf

make it happen, wwe

scrotumhat on announce somehow draws a straight line from jericho beating the rock and stone cold to being here tonight

jericho gives us a smack it down, maaaaaaaaaan, even i groan

shane cuts to the chase, announces that kevin's getting his rematch tonight

so naturally, here comes aj styles?

this is about par for the course for smackdown disjointedness, to be fair

the crowd try to do duelling chants for aj and chris, can't pull it off

sort your shit out, fresno

aj reminds us that y2aj was a thing long enough to make shirts

and aj's looking forward to taking the belt of chris or kevin at backlash, whichever

chris has taken over the face of america thing, and they love him for it for some reason

aj makes the list for not believeing in chris's chances

or he nearly does

jericho cocks the pen, cue kevin

who's still got the face of america entrance and gear, because why not

promises to give chris even worse shit than at mania or the festival of friendship #neverforget

and goes to aj like the fuck are you even doing here get out of my ring

aj shrugs, leaves the ring, runs up the ramp to beat the piss out of him

officials run in, end segment

later we have naomi/charlotte v natalya/carmella, but next, jinder/sami with the singhs lurking nearby but not going to do anything no sir

announce team let us know that, per the shane, aj is banned from ringside for the match tonight

but nLET'S GO

recap from talking smack, when baron beat him into a brief coma for daring to have an interview spot when he didn't

and enter the jinder, accompanied by the singhs and their tacky shirts

slideshow of the house of horrors fallout

in which tom phillips confirms that he does not know what 'abscond' means

bell rings, begin the wristlock party

jinder's got new gear, and now he has a scrotum flower as well as an asshole mandala

jinder has realised the secret technique where you can just not let go after a rainmaker, so he just does a bunch of them to sami in a row

sami's getting beaten to death, but you should know that

it's the opening three-quarters of a sami zayn match

has anyone ever tried just pushing sami over and pinning him without hitting him at all?

he may actually be a 90s JRPG boss

sami finally flywheels up, hits a crossbody

lines up another move, sunil gets up and distracts him, near-fall

really weird tornado ddt there

not even sure who was going for it

sami goes for a helluva kick, sunil pulls jinder out of the way (not a dq for some reason), sami lines up for a tope, samir grabs his legs for a distraction, jinder hits a full nelson slam for the pin

so yeah, sami has the attention span of a lab rat on experimental stimulants

but now, becky runs into the welcoming committee backstage

nattie tries to sell her on charlotte being evil and taking becky's title shots

becky's like hmm let me think about it

huh

not how i'd expect her to react

and they all just walk off

and fade

to the advert for shinsuke, and by extension backlash

or not, it was just shinsuke

pan out to dolph watching that video and bitching to some randomers about shinsuke and the managment

naturally, shane is right behind him throughout

dolph doesn't give a shit

promises to show us all what will happen to shinsuke by killing sin cara later

but now, aiden english gets a song about how great he is

i miss gotch

sad face

tye's entrance hits during the song

aiden is unimpressed

bell rings, aiden blindsides tye while he's still taking his shirt off

which is really either tye's own fault or the timekeeper's

*shrug*

it still doesn't help much, because when did aiden english win anything

and tye does a facebuster variation of the tye breaker for the pin

within like two minutes

sigh

aiden proceeds to have a freakout in the ring

all together now

YOOOOOOOOU

DID THIIIIIIIS

TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

and just cut away, sure, whatever

but now renee interviews chris backstage

aiden walks past crying, chris stops the interview to tell him to stop crying on smackdown because life is good and also if you don't you make the list

chris leaves so much of a pause that i'm beginning to think he's forgotten what happens

puts aiden on the list, he bursts out crying again, puts renee on the list just cos, walks off

because...babyface?

sure

moving on

let's spin a recap of the women's match last week

and now dasha has charlotte in the tv-and-curtains-limbo backstage

charlotte's like sure i'm tagging with naomi tonight but i'm still gonna fuck her up for the belt

carmella appears, followed by the rest of the welcoming committee

they beat on her and throw her into some crates, tamina shouts at her, james stands at the back like yeeeeeeeeeah, cut away

and now we have that match

naomi's entrance continues to be fucking awesome

now accessorising with a hooded coat with a fluorescent lining

huh, apparently we're sponsored by rocket league tonight

finally, one i can get behind

we go directly from that intro into natalya's

the whole committee comes out, because apparently this is all of their music

apparently charlotte's music hit during the break but she never turned up

so yeah, handicap match

bell rang and everything

carmella tries talking shit, so naomi kicks her legs in half

lands her kick rush combo, nattie tags in

does a really weird springboard drop on naomi

kind of backfires, because it ended with naomi sitting down, which is her power stance

so nattie follows up by smacking her face into the stairs

carmella tags in, has naomi in a headlock while shouting "YOU WANNA KICK ME?"

which seems tactically questionable

because as it turns out, she does indeed want to kick her

naomi and natalya take each other down, charlotte's music hits

hobbles up the ramp, gets ready to tag in

naomi gets the tag, charlotte opens by sprinting across the ring and punching carmella off the apron

goes for the figure four, broken by a briefly-returning carmella

takes it to nattie again, carmella runs in, gets kicked in the head, but provides the distraction for nattie to discus elbow charlotte

cut for ads, and carmella's got the upper hand on charlotte again

goes for the bronco buster, charlotte dodges so she crotches herself and then tags naomi in

naomi aggressively sits down at, and then on, carmella

nattie distracts the ref and ellsworth distracts naomi, carmella gets a rollup and a handful of tights for the pin

the rest of the committee immediately come in to beat on the good guys

and here comes a becky

runs into the ring, then stands there, caught in indecision

ooh, heel becky would be interesting

and she says she's in

and goes for a handshake

shakes hands with the girls, asks james for a hug, then throws him at the other three to join the light side of this brawl

which goes well until tamina punches her in the head

more beating ensues, the four of them stand over their fallen foes

so that run-in went well

dramatic video about how great the new day are

(spoiler: thery're p great)

including them riding a cg unicorn

but now, here's sin cara in a teal morphsuit

doesn't even get an entrance, because it's sin fucking cara

and here comes douche ziggler

to punish sin cara's abhorrent fashion choices

on the other hand, sin cara hits a lovely springboard crossbody like fuck you gran metalik

does the lucha arms, the crowd aren't particularly into it

so he's like fuck you fresno, throws dolph out of the ring and then suicide dives him

dolph manages to turn things around, because sin cara

crowd still aren't really into it

mostly chanting for shinsuke

and...sin cara does a single-leg deadlift powerbomb?

huh

strange eons

goes for a springboard moonsault, dolph gets the knees up, then a really lazy superkick for the pin

well, that match happened

but now, main event time

after more burlesque

still "coming soon"

and also before that, a bit for fresno state university and noam telling us to watch 205

and a law and order parody for the fashion police

in which tyler doesn't get typewriters

fandango enters with a dossier on all the crimes of the usos

tyler pins a backlash to the evidence board

they get called away for more fashion crimes

and scene

that was...deeply strange

and also way funnier than you'd think

but actually actually now, it's main event time

here comes chris and his fairy light scarf

talking smack will feature the welcoming committee, aj. chris, and kevin

so that'll go well

enter kevin, and the face on the floor still does him no favours

anamorphism ho!

oh for fuck's sake

before we can actually have this match, here's a slideshow of their payback match, sponsored by a brand of chicken that we don't know enzo's sexual opinions on

and some long-ass intros

(we love you gregg)

START THE FUCKING MATCH ALREADY

chris hogans at the crowd a bit, because we've agreed to let him get away with that

chris stamps on the legendary finger a bit, then smacks it on the steps

dude, you know he has nine others that all perform the same function, right?

i'd be narrating more of the action, but let's be honest, it's the same match as mania and payback

but hey, it's a good match

chris goes for a top rop axe handle, kevin counters by gut-punching him out of the air

(punching him in the gut, that is)

(he did not take him out of the air with his gut)

(he is not king kong bundy)

goes for a lionsault, doesn't connect because duh

but now gets him in the walls again

goes for the rope, let down by the injured finger, then goes like oh wait i have two and grabs it with his other hand

jericho counters a popup powerbomb into a spike piledriver, because it's apparently head trauma week

and straight into the walls again

much roaring later, kevin makes it to the rope

slides out, jericho tries to follow him, only to eat a superkick and then a ddt on the ramp

gets back into the ring, superkicks him again, still can't get a pin

kevin picks chris up by the ears, takes a moment to shout at him, nearly goes down to a rollup

and then popup powerbomb for the win

well, that title flip accomplished its purpose

namely, of making sure jericho is in as many ppvs as possible

he'll be back at raw in time for the next one

kevin leaves the ring with the belt as terrible medics run past him to check on chris

kevin is seemingly annoyed that they're not coroners, so runs back in to beat on him some more

and yell YOU WERE NEVER MY BEST FRIEND in his face

awwww

clearly lots of complex emotions bubbling under there

he walks off up the ramp with his belt, we get a really long shot of officials and medics carrying chris out

only for kevin to run back down, hit him again, stamp on the back of his neck, then put his head through a chair and slam it into the post

dude

that's a legit murder

and fade on chris going bleeeeeeeeeurgharrgahgblblb

as he does so well

and next, i'mma watch talking smack

but you're not

nerrrrrrrrrr

*backs out of the room, pointing at you with her tongue out*

#Wrestling #WWE #WWE Raw #wwe smackdown

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vortodox · 7 years ago

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Jyashin-chan Dropkick

Naziv: Jyashin-chan Dropkick Alternativni naziv: Dropkick On My Devil!!; False God My Dropkick; 邪神ちゃんドロップキック Trailer Izvorni materijal: Web Manga Premijera: 10. 07. 2018. Studio: Nomad Tip: TV Broj epizoda: Nepoznat

Sinopsis:

Jurine, glavni lik ove nasilne slapstick komedije, je Lolita koja jednog dana igrom slučaja prizove Đašin, devojku demona sa repom kobre. Njih dve moraju da žive zajedno dok…

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infinityknight25 · 7 years ago

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Lucha Underground Prodigal Son: part 2

Scene: Inside the temple Striker and Style prepare to call the next match as C.M. Punk’s music comes on. He enters from the top entrance behind the fans with a disgruntled look.

Striker: He claims he is the best in the world and he may very well be.

Styles: There is no doubt he is one of the best and that look on his face is one of unhappiness.

Punk enters the ring and asks for the Mic from the in ring announcer.

Punk: You know…(rubs his head) I’ve been here for three weeks and have yet to have a match. I should have had a chance at the Lucha Underground Championship right out the gate!!! For some reason Paulie decided that Lesnar got the nod over me. But no matter!!! I’m gonna win this match and….

Prince Puma’ s music comes on and cuts off C.M. Punk. He stands at the top of the stairs looking at the ring.

Striker: The Temple’s prodigal son has returned. He was the inaugural Lucha Underground champion and no doubt he’s here to slay the “Beast” as he is so well known.

Styles: I can’t think past this match Mat. This is sure to be one for the ages. The best in the world vs a fan favorite here in the Temple. The crazy part is only one will enter into the Gift of the Gods battle royal.

Puma has made his way into the ring and is now in a face to face stare down with C.M. Punk.

Striker: There is no doubt Joey that this match will provide highlights that will be talked about for years to come.

Styles: Both men have been split up so we can ring the bell.

The bell rings and C.M. Punk taunts Puma with a sarcastic face. Puma lunges in and the two tie up.

Striker: The action getting started here with a tie up and the two are dead even right now.

Styles: Both beginning to knee the other in the opposite sides. Puma strikes with an arm drag.

Striker: Punk right back up and takes down Puma with a clothesline, who springs right back up!!!

Styles: Now both men are facing each other with smiles on their face.

Striker: Clearly these men are well matched and it indeed will be a battle for that final spot in the Gift of the Gods battle royal.

Styles: Definitely as both men begin to move in a circle around the ring. Waiting for the other to make a move.

Striker: They come together in the center! Punk with mma like knees to the ribs of Prince Puma as he works him into a corner.

Styles: Punk beginning to stomp away at the ribs now as Puma slides to the mat. Head resting on one of the lower turnbuckles.

Striker: Here comes C.M. Punk with a running knee to the face of Prince Puma!

Striker: Punk is now picking up the remains of Puma. But counters with a stupidly loud chop!!!

Styles: Punk making a circle in pain now. And he walks into a stif right hand from Puma. Puma now making some punching combos on C.M. Punk.

Striker: Puma throwing him to the ropes and takes him down with a dropkick.

Styles: Puma picking up Punk but Punk gets a few kicks to the midsection. Punk now running to the ropes what’s this!?

Striker: Prince Puma tried to do the running cutter on Punk but C.M. Punk shoved Puma to the mat.

Styles: Punk picking him up and doing a body press like move on Puma. These guys are gonna go after each other with everything they for.

Striker: With only one spot left in the Gift of the Gods battle royal there is no doubt they will lay it all on the line.

Styles: Punk teasing maybe going for the Go To Sleep early. Up he goes.

Striker: Prince Puma counters with a poisoned Frankensteiner. Puma picking up C.M. Punk and setting him up on top of the turnbuckle.

Styles: Looks like he might be going for the Spanish fly.

Striker: Punk counters with an elbow to the side of Puma’s head. Now shoving Prince Puma to the mat.

Styles: What goes up must come down as C.M. Punk does that Macho Manesque elbow drop.

Striker: Punk again calling for the Go To Sleep!

Styles: Punk has Puma on his shoulders. Here comes the Go To Sleep!

Striker: But Prince Puma counters with a tornado ddt! Puma now dragging C.M. Punk over to the corner. Climbing the turnbuckle.

Styles: Puma hits the 630!!!! The cover One! Two! Three!!

Striker: Prince Puma is the final competitor for the Gift of the Gods championship battle royal!!! Which is coming up next!!!

Scene: Paul Heyman is sitting at his desk in what used to be Dario Cueto’s office. Heyman is writing on a piece of paper. Dario walks in with Matanza behind him.

Dario: You have my brother in tonight’s match but he is not in Jucio Des Dioses?

Heyman: No he is not. So I guess if he wants a shot at the Beast Incarnate he better win tonight.

Dario: No you see that’s not how it’s going to be.

Heyman: Oh no that’s exactly how it’s going to be. You see Dario, I know your used to throwing your weight around and it may impress some people. But I’ve been at this game a very long time. Your tactics do not scare me in fact I’m sure that the vast majority of the locker room is happy with the change in leadership. They favor me over you.

Dario: You may think that for now. Your days in that chair are numbered my friend.

Heyman: (Thinking face with lips curled in) Hmmmmm. You see all of what you said there was false. (Leans in) We aren’t friends Dario. Now get out of here your brother has a match to get ready for. Oh and I know he’s taken on your usual array of talent here but tonight he will have to deal with the likes of the man beast Rhyno. Then there’s also the homicidal, suicidal, genocidal Sabu.

Dario swallows hard and gets up and turns to leave the room.

Striker: Here it is!!! Championship time!!! Sixteen men and women are currently in the ring.

Styles: Absolutely right. In the ring we have Mack, Ivelisse, Son of Havoc, El Dragon Azteca jr , Taya, Spike Dudley, Bubba Ray Dudley, Dvon Dudley, Marty “The Moth” Martinez, Tommy Dreamer, Chavo Guerrero, Kobra Moon, King Cuerno , Texano, Rob Van Dam and the Prodigal son of Boyle Heights Prince Puma.

Cage’s music comes on.

Striker: Cage won his match to open things up tonight and now he’s coming out here to try and claim the Gift of the Gods championship.

Styles: His size and strength are sure to bring an advantage to him since you have to eliminate the other luchadores by throwing them over the top rope.

Cage enters the ring looking at the other sixteen wrestlers.

Striker: And Joey there is a lot of talent in that ring tonight.

Arabian music comes on.

Striker: Oh my goodness. Look at the top of the stairs.

Sabu at the top of the stairs points to the sky in signature fashion.

Striker: This man is a maniac. A very well decorated wrestler who has inflicted pain all around the world he will definitely be a great addition to the Gift of the Gods battle royal.

Styles: The Sucidal, Homicidal, Genocidal Sabu is now in the ring with some of the best luchadores in the Temple I cannot wait to see what happens when that bell rings.

Rhyno’s entrance theme comes on.

Striker: I’ve always wanted to say this!!! Gore! Gore!! Gore!!! The man beast Rhyno has set foot in the Temple. I cannot believe all the great talent that has come to the temple to mix it up with our already great roster!!!

Rhyno climbs in the ring and gets nose to nose with Cage.

Styles: Rhyno is scared of no one and he’s making it very clear of that to Cage!!

Matanza’s music comes on.

Striker: The very scary brother of Dario Cueto making his way to the ring accompanied by his brother making his way to the ring.

Styles: We saw this monster of a human being tangle with two other monsters a few weeks ago when we saw Brock Lesnar decimate some of the best that the Temple has to offer. Now we are so close to finding out who will be the Gift of the Gods champion. Who will get the opportunity to challenge Brock Lesnar for his Lucha Underground Chamionship?

Striker: Who wants to?

Styles: An even better question from my colleague Mat Striker as Matanza gets in the ring. The other nineteen wrestlers are backing away to the other side of the ring giving the monster Matanza plenty of room.

Striker: Gore!!! Out of nowhere Rhyno Gore’s Matanza Cueto! The match no under way and again a Paul Heyman guy has proven Matanza can be knocked off his feet!!

Styles: Cage quickly and violently power bombs Spike Dudley to the floor. That’s the first elimination of the match.

Striker: Look what’s waiting for Cage as he turns around. The other two Dudley boys. Here it comes!!!

Styles: 3D!!!!

Striker: It was almost as if the entire ring stood still for a moment as that incredible 3D took place. Matanza now choking the life out of Tommy Dreamer over in a corner.

Styles: Van Dam coming up and jumping on the back of Matanza. Monkey flips both men out of the corner!!

Striker: On one of the other sides of the ring. Kobra Moon has The Moth on outeredge of the apron. However it seems she is struggling to seal the deal as Marty continues to fight back.

Styles: El Dragon Azteca jr and Prince Puma both assist with a pair of dropkicks! We are now down to eighteen.

Striker: The Dudley’s wasting no time as they come up behind and flip Kobra Moon over the top rope.

Styles: Ivelisse eliminates Chavo Guerrero!!!

Striker: Taya mixing up with Sabu. She delivers a strong round house, giving one heck of a dizzy spell.

Styles: Oh man!!! As soon as Taya turned around RVD hit her with one of his roundhouse kicks!

Striker: Matanza double chokeslams the Dudley boys out of the ring!!

Styles: Dreamer slid out to get a Singapore cane and smacks Matanza across the back!

Striker: A poor decision on his part as Matanza slowly turns around and grabs Dreamer by the throat!!

Styles: Wait here comes El Dragon Azteca jr, Prince Puma, Rob Van Dam, Sabu, Rhyno and Cage. They have him on the ropes!!! Wait!! Matanza eliminates Van Dam and Dreamer. The rest are shoved off in various directions!

Striker: Rhyno coming back for more! Matanza has him over the rope on the apron. Matanza going for a running shoulder but Rhyno pulls the rope down and out goes Matanza!!!

Styles: The man beast has just eliminated Matanza Cueto!!!

Striker: and Cage just powerbombed Son of Havoc to the floor!

Styles: Rhyno still on the apron as Puma has now begun trying to eliminate the man beast. Goes for a dropkick but Rhyno catches his feet and throws him violently to the floor.

Striker: Puma’s head hit the barricade pretty hard there.

Styles: Cage gets a ddt from Sabu . He’s now going for the triple jump moonsault.

Striker: El Dragon Azteca jr pushes Sabu to the outside!!! Yet another has been eliminated.

Styles: Ivelisse eliminates Taya with a tarantula like move.

Striker: That’s a bad idea as she is now on the apron. And King Cuerno takes advantage of it with a super kick to the jaw!

Styles: Texano throwing Rhyno in the corner. Rhyno puts his big boot in Texano’s face to counter being rammed with his shoulder.

Striker: Cage trying to dump El Dragon Azteca jr over the top rope but Dragon Azteca is holding on to the bottom rope!

Styles: Texano picks up the legs of Cage and tries to throw him out Cage does a hurracanrana and eliminates Texano.

Striker: Cage’s feet almost touched the floor but he maintained! Cuerno and Dragon Azteca fighting in the middle of the ring.

Styles: Mack comes over to try and push Cage off the apron but is met with a hip toss and is eliminated!!!

Striker: What a battle royal so far as we are now down to four! We have King Cuerno, Rhyno, El Dragon Azteca jr, and Cage. Cage getting back in the ring. Rhyno goes for a Gore but Cage counters with a Massive discus lariat!!!

Styles: Cage getting back to his feet. Wow!!! Super kick by Cuerno on the left side of his jaw!

Striker: And Dragon Azteca with a super kick to the right side of Cage’s jaw. Down goes Cage!

Styles : Cuerno and Dragon Azteca looking at each other. C'mon guy your wasting too much time. Get one of these guys outta there.

Striker: The duo picking up Cage and heading over the ropes. Cage with great awareness elbows both men in the side of the head and connects with a double clothesline!!

Styles: Rhyno getting back to his feet. He grabs Cuerno and puts him over his head.

Striker: Huge press to the outside good bye King Cuerno!

Styles: Cage tries to hit the Discus lariat again but Rhyno ducks! Gore!! Rhyno now picking up Cage on his shoulders for an electric chair drop. What’s this?

Striker: El Dragon Azteca jr climbing on the turnbuckle. Dropkicks Cage off of Rhyno’s shoulders to the outside! We’re down to two!!

Styles: Rhyno tosses Dragon Azteca into a corner and climbs up to start punching him in the head.

Striker: After five punches Dragon Azteca jr tries to dump Rhyno over the side we have a new champ!!

Styles: Almost but Rhyno hangs on and too much pre celebration by Dragon Azteca in the ring look out!

Striker: Gore!!! Rhyno picking up what’s left of Dragon Azteca. He throws him over the rope!

Styles: But El Dragon Azteca jr grabbed the wrist of Rhyno. Pulls him into a clothesline.

Striker: Dragon Azteca jumps over Rhyno, hits him with a super kick. Rhyno tumbles out of the ring to the floor! El Dragon Azteca jr is your new Gift of the Gods champion!

Styles:From start to finish this match had a bunch of amazing moments. Congratulations to El Dragon Azteca jr on becoming the Gift of the Gods champion. Next week we start the Jucios des Dioses.

Striker: I’m Mat Striker and for my colleague who was so helpful in sitting in one more week Joey Styles. This has been Lucha Underground.

#lucha #lucha undergound #paul heyman #brock lesnar #rhyno #el dragon #prince puma #son of havoc #ivelisse velez #cage #matanzas #dario cueto #dudley boyz #rob van dam #sabu #i'm a machine #battle royale

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