#fake vagina for sale

[dailyunsolvedmysteries]

John Edward Robinson, Sr., a.k.a. "The Slave Master". The First Internet Killer

Robinson was born in Cicero, Illinois. He started attending trade school to study radiology. Though he only spent two years there and didn't finish his training, he was still able to get a job as an X-ray technician at a children's hospital in Kansas City, Missouri by forging credentials. Though Robinson was convicted of theft, fraud, and embezzlement several times between 1969 and 1991, he was able to work for charitable organizations and as a civic leader. In 1977, working for a handicapped service organization, he managed to get on its board of directors and created a "Man of the Year" award as his first action and awarded it to himself.

When it was covered by the media, several people realized that Robinson had forged their recommendations. The press spent two weeks exposing Robinson as the fraud he was, though only his wife and children seemed to suffer. Robinson is suspected to have committed his first murder in 1984 when he hired 19-year-old Paula Godfrey to work as a sales representative for two shell companies he had made in order to create fake credentials for himself. After Robinson allegedly sent her away for some training, she was never seen again.

In 1983, Robinson's crimes escalated. His brother, Don Robinson, and his wife, Helen, had unsuccessfully been trying to conceive and formally adopt a child. Claiming to have connections in the adoption business, Robinson started looking for single pregnant women who could provide a child, presumably to enter the black market adoption business. Because he wasn't able to get any referrals from social services, he went directly to the source and approached 19-year-old Lisa Stasi, the single mother of a four-month-old baby, Tiffany, at a battered women's shelter in January of 1985. Using the name "Josh Osborne", he convinced her that he would take her into a training program in Texas that included daycare and job training. On January 9, he came to the home of Stasi's sister and picked up Tiffany. The next day, Stasi's family got a phone call in which a terrified-sounding Stasi said "they" had deemed her an unfit mother and that her mother, Betty, had said she wanted the baby. The last her family heard from Lisa were the words "here they come" over the phone before it was disconnected. No one saw or had any contact with Lisa after that. Two days later, Robinson handed Tiffany over to his brother along with forged legal documents about the adoption that claimed the child's mother had committed suicide. The same day, Stasi's family filed a missing persons report. Robinson was investigated on suspicion of violating the Mann Act, which originally prohibited white slavery and transportation of women across state lines for "immoral purposes". This was then changed to the word "immoral" was narrowed down to prostitution and other illegal sexual acts, such as sending Stasi and Godfrey over state lines for work. As Robinson's probation was re-evaluated, he became a major player in the underground sex industry, involved in S&M-related prostitution.

The FBI sent in a female undercover agent to pose as a potential prostitute for Robinson, but became so concerned that her life was in danger and pulled her out. An important witness in Robinson's trial for violating his probation was a prostitute named Teresa who worked for him and who was also his mistress. Robinson had threatened Teresa by sticking the barrel of a loaded gun into her vagina after she displeased a client. Teresa she was then taken into safe custody and Robinson was unable to face his accuser in court, thereby ending the proceedings in his favor. Not long afterwards, in 1987, he went to prison on a theft conviction and wasn't released until 1993. After his release, Robinson discovered the internet, which gave him access to all kinds of BDSM-related chat rooms and contact pages. Using the nickname "Slavemaster", he used the technology to gain access to many of his victims which lead him to being the first serial killer to use the internet to hunt for victims. In the meantime, his wife supported the family by taking a job as the manager of the trailer park the family had been forced to move into after losing their suburban home. Robinson's first victim during this period was Beverly Bonner, a prison librarian, whom Robinson seduced and convinced to leave her husband. After their divorce, Robinson got her to move to Olathe, promising to give her a job at one of his ventures. She disappeared almost immediately, but not before signing over her alimony checks to Robinson. Robinson continued to cash Bonner's checks, and when questioned by her former husband, told him that she had moved to Australia.

In 1994, he made contact with a woman named Sheila Faith on a social networking site. Faith's daughter, Debbie, was confined to a wheelchair. Promising to give her work and provide medical care for her daughter, Robinson convinced Faith to move to Kansas City, where he killed both mother and daughter and began cashing Faith's pension checks. In 1997, Robinson met Polish immigrant Izabela Lewicka at a BDSM contact site. She then dropped out of community college and moved in with Robinson. She then agreed to become a submissive for him and to become an intern at a non-existent publishing business he told her he ran. She signed a 115-year slave contract which gave Robinson possession of all of her belongings including her bank accounts. In 1999, Robinson killed Lewicka. Robinson's last known victim was Suzette Trouten, another submissive at a BDSM site who worked as a nurse during the day. Robinson convinced her to work for him as a caregiver for his elderly father. After agreeing to the job, Touten moved to Kansas and soon disappeared. To cover it up, Robinson sent her mother several type-written letters, all of which were written using much better spelling than Touten usually used, and were post-marked in Kansas.

By 1999, Robinson had become careless about covering his tracks and had attracted the attention of authorities in both Kansas and Missouri as a result of all of the missing person reports that were linked to him somehow. For some weeks after killing Suzette Trouten, he hijacked her email account and kept in touch with some of her online friends to keep up the appearance of her being alive, though the bluff wasn't hard to see through. One of the friends, a woman named Lore, started investigating Robinson, who went by "J.R. Turner" in his communication with them. He also began an online relationship with a laid-off psychiatrist named Vickie, who could very well have become his next victim. By then, the authorities were investigating Robinson. In the spring of 2000, Robinson wired some money to Vickie and arranged a meeting with her in a motel in Overland Park. Staked out in the next room, law enforcement officers heard Robinson force her into rougher sex than Vickie had agreed to (though they weren't aware of how badly she was treated at the time), making him guilty of sexual battery. After he was finished, Robinson left her alone in the room for days. He then sent her back to Texas, keeping the $700 worth of sex toys she had brought with her. Not long afterwards, Robinson repeated the process with Jeanna, an unemployed accountant from Texas, and left her behind as well. Out of fear, she contacted the police.

When Vickie also came forward and the 30-man Robinson task force found out that he had been seducing a woman from Tennessee and had convinced her to come to him and bring her 8-year-old daughter and the deed to her car, they secured an arrest warrant. On June 2, 2000, they raided his mobile home and found five chemical barrels, each of which contained one of Robinson's victims. Though the bodies of Lisa Stasi and Paula Godfrey were never found, the authorities did find evidence linking Robinson to them was as well as proof that he had sold Stasi's daughter to his brother. They also found blood in the apartment Lewicka had stayed in while she was in a slave relationship with Robinson. He was charged with the murders of Trouten, Lewicka, and Stasi, the first two of which would be punishable by death, and the kidnapping of Stasi's baby as well as dozens of fraud and forgery charges. He was ultimately found guilty and sentenced to death as well as life in prison for Stasi's murder. Afterwards, he confessed to his additional five murders. He is currently on death row at the El Dorado Correctional Facility in Kansas waiting for his sentence to be carried out. 

[dailyunsolvedmysteries-movedd]

John Edward Robinson, Sr., a.k.a. "The Slave Master". The First Internet Killer

Robinson was born in Cicero, Illinois. He started attending trade school to study radiology. Though he only spent two years there and didn't finish his training, he was still able to get a job as an X-ray technician at a children's hospital in Kansas City, Missouri by forging credentials. Though Robinson was convicted of theft, fraud, and embezzlement several times between 1969 and 1991, he was able to work for charitable organizations and as a civic leader. In 1977, working for a handicapped service organization, he managed to get on its board of directors and created a "Man of the Year" award as his first action and awarded it to himself.

When it was covered by the media, several people realized that Robinson had forged their recommendations. The press spent two weeks exposing Robinson as the fraud he was, though only his wife and children seemed to suffer. Robinson is suspected to have committed his first murder in 1984 when he hired 19-year-old Paula Godfrey to work as a sales representative for two shell companies he had made in order to create fake credentials for himself. After Robinson allegedly sent her away for some training, she was never seen again.

In 1983, Robinson's crimes escalated. His brother, Don Robinson, and his wife, Helen, had unsuccessfully been trying to conceive and formally adopt a child. Claiming to have connections in the adoption business, Robinson started looking for single pregnant women who could provide a child, presumably to enter the black market adoption business. Because he wasn't able to get any referrals from social services, he went directly to the source and approached 19-year-old Lisa Stasi, the single mother of a four-month-old baby, Tiffany, at a battered women's shelter in January of 1985. Using the name "Josh Osborne", he convinced her that he would take her into a training program in Texas that included daycare and job training. On January 9, he came to the home of Stasi's sister and picked up Tiffany. The next day, Stasi's family got a phone call in which a terrified-sounding Stasi said "they" had deemed her an unfit mother and that her mother, Betty, had said she wanted the baby. The last her family heard from Lisa were the words "here they come" over the phone before it was disconnected. No one saw or had any contact with Lisa after that. Two days later, Robinson handed Tiffany over to his brother along with forged legal documents about the adoption that claimed the child's mother had committed suicide. The same day, Stasi's family filed a missing persons report. Robinson was investigated on suspicion of violating the Mann Act, which originally prohibited white slavery and transportation of women across state lines for "immoral purposes". This was then changed to the word "immoral" was narrowed down to prostitution and other illegal sexual acts, such as sending Stasi and Godfrey over state lines for work. As Robinson's probation was re-evaluated, he became a major player in the underground sex industry, involved in S&M-related prostitution.

The FBI sent in a female undercover agent to pose as a potential prostitute for Robinson, but became so concerned that her life was in danger and pulled her out. An important witness in Robinson's trial for violating his probation was a prostitute named Teresa who worked for him and who was also his mistress. Robinson had threatened Teresa by sticking the barrel of a loaded gun into her vagina after she displeased a client. Teresa she was then taken into safe custody and Robinson was unable to face his accuser in court, thereby ending the proceedings in his favor. Not long afterwards, in 1987, he went to prison on a theft conviction and wasn't released until 1993. After his release, Robinson discovered the internet, which gave him access to all kinds of BDSM-related chat rooms and contact pages. Using the nickname "Slavemaster", he used the technology to gain access to many of his victims which lead him to being the first serial killer to use the internet to hunt for victims. In the meantime, his wife supported the family by taking a job as the manager of the trailer park the family had been forced to move into after losing their suburban home. Robinson's first victim during this period was Beverly Bonner, a prison librarian, whom Robinson seduced and convinced to leave her husband. After their divorce, Robinson got her to move to Olathe, promising to give her a job at one of his ventures. She disappeared almost immediately, but not before signing over her alimony checks to Robinson. Robinson continued to cash Bonner's checks, and when questioned by her former husband, told him that she had moved to Australia.

In 1994, he made contact with a woman named Sheila Faith on a social networking site. Faith's daughter, Debbie, was confined to a wheelchair. Promising to give her work and provide medical care for her daughter, Robinson convinced Faith to move to Kansas City, where he killed both mother and daughter and began cashing Faith's pension checks. In 1997, Robinson met Polish immigrant Izabela Lewicka at a BDSM contact site. She then dropped out of community college and moved in with Robinson. She then agreed to become a submissive for him and to become an intern at a non-existent publishing business he told her he ran. She signed a 115-year slave contract which gave Robinson possession of all of her belongings including her bank accounts. In 1999, Robinson killed Lewicka. Robinson's last known victim was Suzette Trouten, another submissive at a BDSM site who worked as a nurse during the day. Robinson convinced her to work for him as a caregiver for his elderly father. After agreeing to the job, Touten moved to Kansas and soon disappeared. To cover it up, Robinson sent her mother several type-written letters, all of which were written using much better spelling than Touten usually used, and were post-marked in Kansas.

By 1999, Robinson had become careless about covering his tracks and had attracted the attention of authorities in both Kansas and Missouri as a result of all of the missing person reports that were linked to him somehow. For some weeks after killing Suzette Trouten, he hijacked her email account and kept in touch with some of her online friends to keep up the appearance of her being alive, though the bluff wasn't hard to see through. One of the friends, a woman named Lore, started investigating Robinson, who went by "J.R. Turner" in his communication with them. He also began an online relationship with a laid-off psychiatrist named Vickie, who could very well have become his next victim. By then, the authorities were investigating Robinson. In the spring of 2000, Robinson wired some money to Vickie and arranged a meeting with her in a motel in Overland Park. Staked out in the next room, law enforcement officers heard Robinson force her into rougher sex than Vickie had agreed to (though they weren't aware of how badly she was treated at the time), making him guilty of sexual battery. After he was finished, Robinson left her alone in the room for days. He then sent her back to Texas, keeping the $700 worth of sex toys she had brought with her. Not long afterwards, Robinson repeated the process with Jeanna, an unemployed accountant from Texas, and left her behind as well. Out of fear, she contacted the police.

When Vickie also came forward and the 30-man Robinson task force found out that he had been seducing a woman from Tennessee and had convinced her to come to him and bring her 8-year-old daughter and the deed to her car, they secured an arrest warrant. On June 2, 2000, they raided his mobile home and found five chemical barrels, each of which contained one of Robinson's victims. Though the bodies of Lisa Stasi and Paula Godfrey were never found, the authorities did find evidence linking Robinson to them was as well as proof that he had sold Stasi's daughter to his brother. They also found blood in the apartment Lewicka had stayed in while she was in a slave relationship with Robinson. He was charged with the murders of Trouten, Lewicka, and Stasi, the first two of which would be punishable by death, and the kidnapping of Stasi's baby as well as dozens of fraud and forgery charges. He was ultimately found guilty and sentenced to death as well as life in prison for Stasi's murder. Afterwards, he confessed to his additional five murders. He is currently on death row at the El Dorado Correctional Facility in Kansas waiting for his sentence to be carried out. 

[irishfederalreconnaissance]

Foes of the Charleboises, and Friends of the O'Neills

Enemies of the Chilton Macedonians (Attleboro Charleboises):

Jesus: Jesus's father, Joseph, was a retired soldier, that joined a protection racket on cemeteries.  Jesus was trying to get married, despite never practicing law, police, military, espionage, or criminal ventures.  We killed him, personally, with "The Bible".  He was the first priest, crucified, and sodomized, publicly, by Israel's new friend, Rome; the Diaspora, our concoction. 

Hitler: Adolf's family, stole a cricket term, for a play called due to the monarch of England's sporting bet calling a foul; a player cheated, to please Britain.  Hitler was trying to be an artist, on public spectacle of produce, instead of private sales within firm, with a spouse as advisor, heterosexual, or date, or a prostitute or dominatrix or close platonic business colleague.  We fired him, for wanting a widening gala of review, and having sex with female coworkers.  We had MI-6 plant a fake Jewish culture book, we ordered him to burn after inspecting the water mark.  It was in the Reichstag.  It sent all the cooks to prison, for snitching on Jews, the Wehrmacht; Lutherans.

Bundy: Ted Bundy, was raised as a CIA agent, by the children's program, but figured out he could make more money, working for France.  He got into a relationship with a lesbian, that got really fat, because he insemenated on her hymen, to break her virginity, instead of using a dildo.  He didn't like the lie, of virginity, a "popped cherry", being a masculine virtue, and instead committed rape, unaware that the woman was a poor mother, for having improper understanding of sex, and instead trying to "pick up" men; a pedophile's mother, a sperm thief of an orphan.  We changed Ted Bundy's last name, Charlebois, to Bundy, and gave kindergarteners copies of "Batman" comics, and ruined his advertising career, with children's books about him as Bruce Wayne.

Friends of the Boston O'Neills (Boston Fire Department):

Judas: Judas was Cicero of Rome's kin, through Pontius Pilate with an Arab beggar.  He was placed, as an undercover cop, to bust the Jews, a new cult in Israel, from Rome; the actor's trade, that had caused the War with Carthage, over homosexuality and bestiality and child molestation, being offensive; spread through art, depicting children's morals, instead of military theater, demonstrating how to fight others, through playwright's economic mercantile tactics.  Money, the root of all evil, Judas's cause, and Rome's, to prevent queer; morality, the common poverty of a dictator, a rapist of family.  When Judas figured out they were all humping and fucking after boxing matches and prize fights in spectacle, and gambling on wine debt rigs with cops calling matches through badges, "baal", he delivered a book to Paul, the Bible.  Jesus claimed the credit for the book, the first court room lawsuit.  Then he spent three years, wandering around, screaming about his son being a vagina, the Lord of Heaven.

Stalin: Stalin, was a military and political cadet, thousands around the Old World, raised out of literature programs of 19th century German intellectualism.  He was pranked into Seminary, by Germans, through local newsletters responding to the candidates from other countries, as potential diplomatic marriages to models and pornography actresses, a Russian idea that Stalin was enthusiastic for.  Stalin, rose to power, as a brilliant criminal and rebel and drunk and prison survivor and outcast, journeying through higher Arctic villages and around townships and cities and palaces and revolutions.  He placed himself in charge of organizing the minutes, for meetings, meaning he'd take and keep track of numbers, of the political council, in charge of giving out assignments, from winners of awards for academic excellence, to organizational bureau.  He stomped the school and class project assignment to position and award, forever, meaning that anyone with a lawsuit for fair play, ruined their firm or government post.  Now, Russia is the best forever, because they put something in TV, that the other guy does, in the enemy country, that one of theirs did due to a lawsuit assignment.  However, they save the footage, on leader and mention the military struggle.

Richard Ramirez: A psychic Mexican, Richard Ramirez's father, had insulted a historian on a college campus, despite being a construction management major himself.  The entire family was marked historians on records - counter espionage professionals - and Richard Ramirez was placed as an altar boy, a martial arts trained student by Nuns, and priests showing them how to handle firearms and military warfare implements.  However, he was not on record, as armed and dangerous, through his family.  He was brought in to advise on dozens upon dozens of cases, as an independent vigilante, without pay, living off of what work he could find in the margin community, the people he helped.  He did hard drugs, and fought the "Little Mermaid" trend of the 1960s and 1970s, out of the Viet Zen community, the use of German texts and improper disability driven religious origin study stories.  He was a savage man, eventually being arrested for a string of murders, after locating the problem to the comic book, "X-Men", and fighting Omega Red's follows; called, "The Russians", to this day.  

[pthalomars]

Quick rundown of the specs:

-The vest: I've posted about it previously, but I've made some new additions! I put shotgun shells on one breast pocket and a few soy sauce syringes on the other.

-The shirt: BALLS. IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER. Cropped the t-shirt and tore some holes in it for an extra tattered look. Hard to see under the vest but whatever lol.

-The pants: Torn asunder using a knife/ripping open the holes with my hands. Used fabric paint for the blood stains.

-The patches: The 3 Arm Sally patch was ordered off of Etsy, but the Korrok patch and the WTHDIJR quote patch were made by hand.

-The gunshot wound: Got it for 10 bucks at spirit halloween, along with some fake blood. No makeup skills whatsoever, so I didn't blend the prosthetic with foundation or concealer or whatever. I would've gotten shot in the head for real for this cosplay, but unlike John, I don't think I'd be able to walk it off.

-The Bible Bat: $2 bat I got at a garage sale, glued pages of the Bible onto the bat and drew dicks and vaginas all over the paper.

-The Molly Tag: used one of those dog tag engravers at Walmart.

I am become John Cheese

[ohimesama]

1.27.23 Friday

7:47 am

I feel bitter in life...I have so many fake friends behind the curtain of Cavite....So, many easy minded people who are easily persuade by the words of some fake influencers who keep on saying that they care for me...

I think,hope and pray that this betadine will work and will do the vinegar wash later... I hate this feeling of itchiness down there....

I still have the windblow trap... I still hate the cultish group of Manalo...

I still wanna buy starbucks everyday and hoping to leave the hometown in God's time...Coz I want bags and more bags... It is my dream...

I still feel fat and ugly...

So,today Anid my friend is the duty there on Mommy Adnil... Hoping that the bidet and flush of Ms Enaoj will be fixed coz I have vaginal itch that I badly need to wash my vagina...

Another thing there is a fake here in the Philippines... They removed the one way bus route of going to Ortigas...Someone made our lives here in Cavite complicated. I'm just planning to meet someone in Ortigas Robinson.

I wonder who are the leaders behind the route of public vehicle... I observed it even the time I worked in Cebu Pacific Air...

Why? Coz the time I worked in Cebu Pacific Air the route of jeep were also complicated... They made people lives in danger... I think there are a crime organization... Why, do they need to do things complicated... They're planning to kill me??? THE CHURCH OF CHRIST...

Someone planned to hit me on the road...

My memory is sharper than them!!!

The way of going to Cebu Pacific Air via commute is now the same if you wanna go to Ortigas via commute as well...

Agent 0078991 ;) royalty ;) middle class C road.

8:44 am

PJ is fake on me my neighbor here... Suddenly not texting me back... It is difficult to find a true friend... Super claim2x that we are friends but he can't be a friend... The last time he was playing a gun with his new friend... But he can't be a friend to me...

PJ Pascua church of christ group!

10:11 am

Angels these are the whelping collars of our new babies here... Mommy Neko is on her "dog food" top breed and her enmalac and giving her fresh malunggay....For the presentation of selling these cute babies of Neko and my baby John.

Giving their temporary names as Pink, Green, Blue, Orange & Purple.

Campaign for "help-sale"...

12:20 noon

So sad Uncle Jun is fake and everyone is...He took my fork inside my spoon and fork case.

Both of my Uncle are kinda mean to me... He went here around quarter to 12 noon and I opened my spoon and fork case, my fork is gone...

Who took it? But we have no camera or cctv...

3:36 pm

Done,showering John and his blower nozzle is gone in the box,the extension...

You can't trust the people inside your family,people will never trust them as well...

4:48 pm

I wanna leave the hometown and I wanna buy starbucks everyday....I wanna have more bags...

6:24 pm

I feel sad I want men to like me, men that I want... I lost xfactor... Coz of the windblow trap...

I want men like JP and his group... I want stability...I used to be the center and I feel irritated... I can't get attention anymore... I feel bitter... I miss the laguna boys! Those are my men! My men!

I feel fat and ugly... I wanna still to see donkey and camel....As my spiritual journey...

9:36 pm

Someone stole my blue bench sando, I don't like it when someone is getting my stuff,most specially my clothes....

I feel bitter ... If I die,I don't want anyone to wear me coz I wasn't able to go up and they took away my personality...

Totally,unfair to die angels without a success in life...

9:52 pm

I feel jealous these days... Someone from the church of christ had fucked pact with someone who is shining on TV with an exchanged of deal from the devil...

I feel fat and ugly... I feel so ugly... I haven't seen anyone yet, will be 42....Hating the cult of Manalo... This windblow trap!

I lost chance to meet new cute bf's like my exes... I hate it when I have a copy and my exes forgot me coz of my copy....I hate it, I feel so ugly... I lost my xfactor...

I have complex now coz I'm faded already, from the past years I was able to perfect my feet,my self-esteem was whole but now I have complex...

I wanna do gluta and some butt scrubbing to regain my self-esteem... I need foot spa on a regular basis... I mean I need a make-over. I wanna do lipo-light... I'm fading....Hating this windblow trap of Manaloz!

I need attention in a way but I'm not on the position now... So,sad...

[deviliciousdev]

mbti✨ Liquor? I Hardly Know Her💀🍸

entj (the commander)

x

intp (the logician)

couple

--------------------------------

*tipsy at a bar*

intp: i like to drink, but in a really old man way-

entj: like whiskey

intp: oh yeah i use to love to drink whiskey, but it turns out, diarrhea is not for me.

entj: 😀💀 [about to die in a silent laugh]

intp: because darker liquors are harder for your body to break down.

entj: [comes back from edge of silent laugh] oh yeah that's true.

intp: they're more complex... [deadpan] complex notes of fruit, floral, and nut... in my butt?? 🍇🌷🌰>🍑

entj: [bird cackle] 🤣

intp: [evil giggle] what!

entj: [infomercial voice] spiders in my vagina? 💀🕷🍑

intp: Ha!! ok so, i went on a tour of this bourbon distillery 🥃 where they show how it was made and whatever...

entj: oh god, it's like who cares.

intp: well, i can appreciate the drama and conflama of how it's made. ���

entj: [cackling at the made up word]😂 the madness and confusion of it all, sure.

intp: exactly. but on the tour they gave me the little taster shot and were like "taste the hidden notes of fruit, floral, and nut" ... bitch, where? this is straight up oaky smokey gasoline.

entj: yeah, gasoline douched straight out of a horse's asshole. some, horse. hole. gasoline. 🐎 ⛽️

intp: [wheeze laughing] 🤣💀

[hour of drinking later... drunk]

entj: well, i use to work at this bar and in between live performances you know we'd get the crowd all riled up, to facilitate the sale of alcohol...

intp: right uhhuh [takes lazy sip of drink from tiny straw]

entj: so i'd go up on stage [hiccup] and ask ya know, "ok! whose birthdays are it"!? ooo nope.

intp: [cackles at mispronounced english] 😂 omg, [serious voice] i love that. [country accent] WHOSE BIRTHDAYS ARE IT!?

entj: [also in country accent] is it has been your birthday? ... no, but i'd be like "ok i need three people whose birthdays it is" and they'd come up on stage and i'd be like "ok, it's your birthday! [sticks tongue out in mockery] mehhh" or whatever and-

intp: [loud laugh] 🤣[imitates entj] it's your birthday mehhh [deadpan] i love that.

entj: ahaha, oh yeah just making fun of them for having a birthday 😂

[both dying laughing]

intp: that's great.

entj: so then i'd be like "let's get some shots for the birthday girls" -and they'd be fake shots- they didn't know that, but the tray would come up and they'd be like "woo we're taking shots"! and i'd be like "happy birthday" or whatever, and then i'd take all three shots myself, and tell 'em to get the f*ck off the stage 👉

intp:🤣 oh my god. i love that. that's incredible. 💀👏

[shwazzberryswriting]

Moving On

Pairing: Winwin x Original Female Character|Reader Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Romance, Light Angst, Fluff, Slice of Life, Fake Dating Rom Com

Summary: What started out as a simple favor soon turns into a wild weekend

Word count: 21.4k+ (someone take this fic away from me and post it!)

Rating: Mature for Sexual Content, Drinking, Cannabis Consumption (implied), College/University Party Warnings: Fake Dating/Trickery/Lying, Explicit Sexual Content; Smut, Kissing, Drunk Kissing, Nipple Play, Praising, Penis in Vagina Sex, Unprotected Sex (always cover up IRL 💚), Oral (F receiving), Heavy Petting, Creampie, Pussy/Cock Stroking, Slightest Bit of Accidental Dry Humping and Body Groping *Part 11 of my “The NCT Frat House Series”* Author’s Note: Hello, thank you thank you thank you X 3000 for your patience to my readers!!!!! From where this fic started to what it is now...I don't even know how it turned into what it did, but please enjoy!!!! I am so excited to post this fic! ALSO: Victon's Heo Chan has a supporting role in this fic!!

SMUT IN EPILOGUE: I honestly didn't plan for any smut but when I wrote the epilogue I went with the flow

Apologies in advance for any mistakes or shortcomings, this fic was WIP for so long so I'm pretty sure there are things I missed or got wrong! As I do with all of my longer fics, I broke the story up. This one is split up into 3 Chapters and an Epilogue! Please let me know if any of the links aren't working Chapter 1 (Below) | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Epilogue ---

Chapter 1

Shiny red and green streamers were lined along in criss-cross patterns in the links of the metal fence to the used car lot, Hearts’ Automotive, making it festive with Christmas spirit. The decorations were unseasonably out of style, but Rhea still hummed “Jingle Bell Rock” as she window shopped. Approaching the main building as her eyes scanned the cars in the lot, she fleetingly daydreamed of jumping into the old red Mazda Miata convertible to drive up to the mountains for some solace.

“Thinking of getting a new car?” she heard a low, gravelly voice ask.

As if appearing from thin air, a man in a short sleeve button up shirt was fixing his spinach colored tie at the collar with one hand while the other dabbed a dull grey handkerchief against his temple. Sweat beads glided down his shiny red face as he held a hand for her to shake.

“We’re having a Spring Blow-Out Sale,” the salesman said as he stuffed his handkerchief into his pants pocket. “You look like an adventurous girl. Why not take your girlfriends on a hike in this 2012 Subaru Outback?”

He pulled out the same grey handkerchief as he stood beside the red Outback that sat next to the Miata Rhea had been admiring. Her stomach curdled as the salesman began wiping the front hood of the car with his handkerchief. She’d barely been able to speak before he moved to the blue Ford Focus behind him.

“I’m wa-”

“-Or daily visits to the mall with your gal pals!” He kicked the front passenger side tire with his stained leather shoes. “You know this baby has good gas mileage. You’ll save on gas as you make your frequent shopping trips.”

“I’m waiting for-” she began before the man interrupted her again.

“-Oh, so you’re waiting for your dad! Of course!” The salesman’s neck collar was yellowing, damp with sweat. “While we wait for the old man to arrive, why don’t you tell me what sort of car dear old dad wants for you?”

Glancing at the way the salesman was subtly shifting his weight from one leg to the other, she had a feeling he would continue to hover. If Sid ever showed up, she was going to kill him. Frustrated that her brother could never show up on time, Rhea looked around for a way out.

“Babe!” Rhea called out immediately as she saw a familiar face exit the front doors of the dealership building, right behind the sweat-ridden salesman. His thick eyebrows and full pink lips always stood out to her, making his handsome face give off a boyish innocence that contrasted with his broad shoulders and tall stature. It was difficult to mistake him with just any stranger. “Sicheng! Babe!”

She rushed past the salesman, and walked under the shade of the building. Grabbing the hand of her diner waiter, she leaned over to whisper a quick, ���Please help me get rid of this guy,” before pecking a kiss on his cheek. He jumped a little, but looked over at the salesman before turning to look at Rhea.

“Can you tell this gentleman we’re not buying a car?” she asked clearly when their eyes locked. Pressing her lips together, she prayed that the man who’d served her onion rings for years would play along. The thin line between his eyebrows uncreased, and he squared his shoulders as he looked at the wide eyed salesman.

“Good afternoon, sir, I’m-”

“-We’re not interested,” Sicheng said immediately. He gripped onto her hand firmly, leading them past the salesman.

“Thanks,” she said softly as she let go of his hand.

He glanced over their backs before throwing his arm over her shoulders. She felt the sun’s rays blaring onto her scalp, her dark curls absorbing the heat as his jawline tightened. She’d never considered what Sicheng’s body would feel like, but with her body pressed against his side her mind blanked, shocked at how firm his arm felt draped over her shoulders.

“That dude’s still staring,” he said.

She felt a hard thump in her chest, similar to the time she caught her falling bookbag and Tolstoy’s “War and Peace” slammed against her cleavage so hard she almost fainted. Face hot like a sun soaked leather covered car seat, she was speechless as they walked out of the lot. She had to stop thinking about how long it had been since a man had held her for longer than a couple seconds.

“Thanks,” she said once they were walking away from the lot, crossing the street. They stopped together at the bus stop. “You have no idea how much you helped me out.”

He nodded, sitting down on the green painted metal bench meant for bus riders. She worried that he wanted to be rid of her as he remained quiet, glancing down at his watch as his eyes were nearly shut tight, squinting from the sun’s rays hitting his face. After all, if he’d come up to her to ask her to help him, she would have…she didn’t know what she would have done.

Feeling like an idiot for having put him in an impossible situation, she licked her lips, trying to find the right words to apologize. Before she could even clear her throat, he threw his hand up to shade his eyes, giving her a half grin as the left side of his lips curved upwards.

“Rhea,” he said, “you always tip 25% and your usual order is coffee and onion rings.”

“Is that how you remember your regulars?” she asked, sitting beside him. The tension in her chest loosened when he smiled. “Our tips and orders?”

“More or less.”

“It’s weird to see you outside of Nectar,” she said, referring to the diner that Sicheng worked at. She couldn’t recall the first time she met him, but they’d only ever existed together at Nectar before. And strictly as waiter and patron. “So um, are you here to buy a car?”

“No,” he replied, holding up a white paper bag in his hand. “One of my friends works here, so he gives us discounts on car parts.”

“What kind of car do you have?”

“This is for one of my other friends. His front headlight is dead, and I offered to help pick up the replacement.”

“You can fix cars?” she asked, sitting up straight. Her chest felt light knowing that she could keep talking to him about cars. “My brother’s a car enthusiast, too.”

“I know a little here and there,” he said with a shrug. Her eyes fell to his hand falling down to his side as he set the bag down. “Why were you visiting Hearts’ Auto?”

“I need a car,” she replied. Looking up, her eyes followed his gaze. “HEART’S AUTOMOTIVE” was written in bold acid tripping neon green letters against a matte black billboard at the top of the main building to the used car lot. “My brother was supposed to meet me here to help me buy a car. He didn’t show up.”

“Who’s your brother? Does he eat at Nectar?”

“He went to Berkeley,” she replied, rolling her eyes. “He would never step into Nectar or anything affiliated with our university. I don’t know if you know my brother, Sid? I think he said he had a friend connected to Heart’s.”

“Wait, Sid,” Sicheng said, resting his hands behind him on the bench, “Sid has the blue 2004 Toyota Celica, right?”

“You know about his Celica?” she replied, picking up her legs to cross in front of her. “Did you know he sacrificed his summer break saving up for it?”

“He told me about how he worked as a waiter at your aunt’s restaurant.”

“Please,” she said with a head shake, “I was there. I don’t need to hear that story again. So you’ve seen his precious Celica?”

“Yuta and Kun helped him fix the alignment on his front axles. Kun works at Heart’s. Have you met Kun or Yuta?”

“They sound familiar,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. Was Yuta the soccer jock a former roommate tried hooking up with a couple years ago? “I don’t really hang out with Sid and his car enthusiast friends. When did you meet my brother?”

“He brought the Celica to our house last summer.”

“Wait a minute,” she said, holding up a hand in the air, “my brother's visited the NCT frat house?”

She laughed when he nodded, another half a grin growing on his face. His boyish smile was charming, she realized, because the apples of his cheeks popped out and turned the slightest shade of pink. Clearing her throat, she stifled her laughs before speaking again.

“So much for never going where I go,” she said with a snort.

“You’ve been to my place?” he asked with raised eyebrows. He sat up straight.

“I’ve been to a few parties,” she said, feeling her cheeks grow warm. Rhea knew she wasn’t a social butterfly, but she had enough friends to get invitations to the NCT Frat parties. “I’m sorry if I was stepping into your territory.”

“How come I’ve never seen you?” he asked, his half grin returning, though his eyes were moving to the ground. Her hands fisted into her jeans when he glanced up at her. Sicheng's overbite was noticeable when he gave a full on smile, adding to its charm. “It would have been wild to play Beer Pong against my best tipper.”

“I’m your best tipper?” she asked, surprised. Most of her orders were under $10 given that she went to Nectar to snack on onion rings while she studied. “Do you have a chart of your customers’ tips?”

The top of his ears turned red, and she felt her cheeks grow hot once more with a bright smile refusing to disappear. She covered her smile by throwing her hands over her mouth. She wanted to ask him half a dozen questions, mostly wondering why he suddenly seemed so shy, but she realized she was afraid of stuttering if she were to open her mouth.

“Winwin?” a woman in a red hoodie was waving her hand as she looked at Sicheng. She stood right before them on the bench.

He sat up straight and threw his arm over Rhea’s shoulders, his fingers gripping onto her arm. His body felt rigid as she uncrossed her legs to straighten herself up. Their eyes met for a second, and she knew he was asking her to play along with him.

“Wen! Hey!” he said loudly, the cheerful tone almost as fake as their relationship. “Rhea, this is Wen. She’s friends with Kun’s girlfriend. Wen, this is Rhea, my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend!” Wen’s eyebrows raised and her mouth hung open for a solid five seconds before she shut her mouth. Squaring her shoulders, she glanced at Rhea with her lips pressed together before looking back at Sicheng. “That was kind of rude of you not to tell me.”

“Why?” he asked, pulling Rhea closer to him. Between the sun and his body, Rhea’s body was too hot for comfort. Her neck was starting to sweat. “I found out through Yuta that you began dating Mike-”

“-It’s nice to meet you, Wen,” Rhea said, holding her hand out to Wen. “I’m Rhea. Sicheng was so sweet to come with me to pick up a lightbulb for my car.”

“Rhea?” Wen said with a soft tone, shaking her hand with a gentle grasp. Eyes squinting for a moment, she scanned Rhea’s face. “Didn’t you model at the university fall fashion show with that gold showstopper gown?”

“Oh - no,” she said, feeling her face grow hot, sweat suddenly forming at her temples. Not only was she lying to a stranger about Sicheng being her boyfriend, but her five seconds of viral fame with her real exboyfriend was haunting her months later. “No, like, my-um...Chan, you know Heo Chan? He was modeling for his friend and like, it was a joke. It was during his rehearsals and Hanse posted it on Instagram but I didn’t model during the actual show.”

“Wow, Winwin,” Wen said as her eyes shifted to Sicheng, “your rebound is a model? What the fuck was I to you?”

Before Rhea could register whether or not Wen was insulting her, Sicheng scoffed, and squeezed her arm gently.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, squaring his shoulders. “You broke up with me. Three weeks after we broke up you went out on a date with Mike. The guy you swore was too stupid to know how to tell time.”

“It was just a date,” Wen replied. She squared her shoulders again. “I actually have a date with my new boyfriend tonight! Care to join?”

“Why not?” Sicheng spoke up, tilting his chin up. “Text me the restaurant and time, and we’ll be there."

“Fine,” Wen said, picking up her phone. “I hope you like GT Steakhouse.”

“Am I supposed to be impressed?” Sicheng said with a scoff, a sharp, low “tsk” sliced through the air.

She’d never seen Sicheng be anything but polite or tired, so she felt numb watching him be so expressive. It was like a black and white picture turned into a fully colored feature length movie. The dull features of a simple, pleasant sight transforming into a colorful piece of art, full of wonder and much more depth than a mere snapshot could ever grasp.

“We need to go,” Rhea said as the giant white and blue public bus came into view. “Don’t forget the bag, Sicheng.”

“Thanks, Rhea,” he said as his ears turned bright red. He met her gaze and she read the fear in his eyes as sweat glided down the side of his face.

Making sure she wasn’t still watching then, Rhea glanced at Wen furiously tapping her thumbs onto the screen of her phone, her tendrils falling over her forehead as a gentle breeze passed. Her eyebrows were creased together and her pink stained lips were curved into a frown. They didn’t exchange farewells as Sicheng let go of Rhea so she could get onto the bus before him. Once they were seated at the only unoccupied pair of seats at the front, Sicheng ran his hands over his eyes and he threw his back against his seat.

“I’m sorry about that,” he said, shaking his head as he threw his hand down. “I’ll tell her you broke up with me so she wins. Dinner’s canceled.”

Eyes downcast, staring at his lap, Sicheng’s eyelashes curved upwards beautifully as Rhea looked at him. She was used to the contemplative frown paired with the thick, long eyelashes. At Nectar though, she’d never cared to think of the context behind such a sad expression.

“What did she win?”

He met her gaze, the frown remaining. She gave him a smile, hoping he knew she meant him no harm. Showing teeth was too expressive, so she kept her mouth shut.

“She’s the one who moved on first and moved on better,” he replied. “It’s stupid right?”

She shook her head, clasping her hands together. Trying to get a car was her big girl moment. Chan had driven her to work and picked her up when they had dated. It took 2 months of waking up early and arriving home late to wear her down enough to ask Sid to help her find a car. Instead of a new car, she’d gotten herself a frat boy as her fake boyfriend.

“Heo Chan got the shoot manager position at Vogue Japan,” she said, turning to look at his face. His blank stare made her smile. “Chan’s my exboyfriend. Anyway, he spent months applying and interviewing for that job. He told me that he’d let me know if he got it. I found out from my brother congratulating him on Instagram. So…”

Her smile disappeared as she recalled how her stomach tightened into a rock when she realized Chan had moved on from her. Sure, they hadn’t spoken since the day they broke up, but they’d agreed that they’d be too busy to communicate. Then again, he had promised that even if they were broken up, he would tell her if he got the job he’d been wanting for months. She bit back her tears, regretting the thought of Chan.

“Why was your ex calling you ‘Winwin?’” she asked, turning her body in toward his. She stopped when she realized their knees were about to touch, her fingers digging into the strap of her purse as her heartbeat quickened. She’d never been so shy about being near him before.

“It’s a nickname,” he replied. “A lot of people call me Winwin, but Sicheng’s my real name. Call me whatever you want. I think my name today is Loselose.”

His voice was faint, his eyes unfocused as he looked at the ground. She gave a small chuckle, getting him to look up at her. A smile broke out as his round cheeks rose high and he gave a small guffaw.

Sicheng had helped her escape the relentless salesman. If he had to admit defeat to his ex it meant she hadn’t returned the favor. At what other point in her life would she and Sicheng have to pretend to be a couple in which she’d be doing him the favor? And if she was to be completely honest, she’d had a lot of fun playing his girlfriend in front of Wen. She liked the more complex version of Sicheng.

“Let’s go on the double date,” she said, tapping her knee against his for a second. Their eyes met, his mouth hanging open. “You’re moving on so much better, because I’ve been the perfect girlfriend.” She tapped his chin with a finger, and laughed when he closed his mouth. “Let her know that your rebound model girlfriend has made you so much happier.”

Her stop was approaching, so she stood, and he followed her. They got off together as he stared around, seeming to take in his surroundings. She walked toward the street light that led to the pearl pink painted apartment complex across the street. It was behind a park where she took her morning runs. At that moment, the park was occupied by a handful of kids climbing on the slide and monkey bars with their caretakers watching nearby.

“Did you get off at the wrong stop?” she asked as Sicheng walked beside her.

“No,” he said immediately, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. He looked at the ground for a moment. “We’re going to need to get our story straight. When did we meet? How long have we been going out? What are your likes or dislikes? Because what if I order us shrimp and you’re allergic?”

“Have you done this before?”

“What makes you say that?”

He’d stopped walking, his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. She heard the paper bag crinkle in his pocket.

“You’re telling me we have to get our story straight,” she replied. “I didn’t even think to do that, but it makes complete sense. I mean, when did we start dating?”

He shrugged, glancing around the street.

“Is there a place where we can get coffee or tea?” he asked. “We should drink as we hatch this plot.”

-

White grains scattered across the small round table as Sicheng tore open the pink packet of sugar. They had the last table outside with an umbrella, which Rhea appreciated. Her scalp itched when it became too hot, and her focus couldn’t wander since she and Sicheng were in the middle of an unplanned scheme. His rough handling of a packet of sugar was tempting her patience as her mind wanted to roll into the gutter.

“How long have you been broken up?” Rhea asked, forcing her eyes to look up to his face. He was completely focused on mixing his coffee concoction. “Chan and I broke up almost 4 months ago, so when would be a good window for us to have started dating?”

“Wen and I broke up 3 months ago,” he replied, mixing his drink with a wooden stirring stick. After sipping his coffee, he set the mug down. “You and I have been dating for just over a month.”

“You said it so casually even I believed it.”

The apples of his cheeks flushed as he guffawed, reminding her of the last time she’d seen him before Heart’s Auto. His face had been red like a maraschino cherry when he had given her a hot basket of onion rings. She’d noticed because a few sweat beads from his face had landed onto her notebook, staining her doodles. The marigold chain on the outside corner of her notebook had wrinkled into squiggly lines with Sicheng’s sweat.

“I asked you out the last time I visited Nectar,” she said. “You gave me the onion rings for free, so I felt compelled to ask you out.”

“Oh shit, it was because I ruined that drawing you’d been working on.” She smiled, teeth showing, appreciative that he’d remembered that day too. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m your girlfriend now, I think we’ve gone past you having to apologize for that.”

He grinned and she returned the smile. As they drank silently together, Rhea noticed how Sicheng squared his shoulders as he sat up straight, putting his mug down before he looked at her. He cleared his throat before speaking.

“I can get a couple of friends to play along with the ruse,” he said. “Wen’s going to ask why I haven’t shared my girlfriend with our friends.”

She nodded. Unlike him, she had never been good at remaining friends with exes and the mutual friends that had come with the relationship. Why keep company around who all were extensions of the person who broke her heart?

After the split with Chan, all their mutual friends constantly updated her on how sad Chan was, as if the sad feelings would be enough to convince them to get back together. Eventually, it was easier to work more, study harder, and start research on what would make for a good car to purchase for the first time than try to balance out a safe distance between her friends and Chan.

“You still talk to each other’s friends?” she asked as her index finger slid onto the table, collecting tiny grains of sugar under her finger. She was creating a line, pointing toward him.

“We were friends before we began dating. We only dated for like, 6 months, but we’ve known each other for a couple years.”

“Why did you break up?”

“She wanted to go to Coachella and I wanted to roadtrip to Austin for our first trip together. There was more to it, but…we were such good friends. We didn’t make a good couple, though.” He cleared his throat, causing Rhea to stop her finger on the table, her eyes drifting up to meet his gaze. “What about your history? Why’d you break up with your ex?”

“We were talking about getting an apartment together because my lease was ending,” she replied, her eyes returning to her finger. She pushed the grains of sugar under her finger off the ledge of the table, swerving left, before placing her hands into her lap. “But Chan was worried about the potential job in Japan. And then I want to stay here because I still don’t know what grad schools I should apply to next year. So like, yeah, we were both realizing that life wasn’t going to be us forever.”

“How long did you date?” he asked.

“A little under a year and a half,” she replied. Afraid that he’d start grilling her about the finer details of her breakup, she asked, “So if we’re dating, are you the type to hold hands? If you want Wen to be jealous we can hold hands. I don’t mind cheek kissing, hand kissing is actually really sweet,” - she paused as she noticed the tips of his ears turning red - “but we can just call each other babe or something.”

“No,” he said, sitting up straight. “Um, yeah, we can hold hands. If things get awkward, just kiss me on the cheek and I’ll know that means you want to leave. With you and Chan, was it a bad breakup? Who was the one to call it off?”

“He broke up with me. I knew it was coming, but,” she paused, feeling her throat dry up as she finally picked up her cup of coffee and took a large gulp of her milk and sugar heavy coffee. “So like, before we leave to get ready for dinner with Wen, we’ve been dating for a little over a month right?”

“Yes.”

“Are we the type of couple that calls each other babe?”

“No,” he replied, firm and clear. “I don’t like pet names. Should I pick you up for the date?”

“How about I come to your place and we leave together from there? I'm familiar with how to get to your house, but not with how to find GT Steakhouse.”

They exchanged phone numbers, and she made sure to save Sicheng’s number with a heart emoji to get herself into the role of his girlfriend. Walking home, she decided that she was going to play the role of a girlfriend who was head over heels infatuated with Sicheng. It was clear that his breakup with Wen had been tense. As long as the dinner ended on a good note for him, Rhea would consider it a favor returned in full.

--

Chapter 2

[sunsinrinn]

Secrets part 2.

Bakugo x reader

Angst, language

Word count: 1,378

Idea: Y/n has a secret to share with bakugo not expecting a secret from him. She leaves heart broken and attempts to move on. But how will she move on if her secret can no longer be hidden? She fakes a relationship hoping its enough to not expose the true origin of the secret. (This is a terrible summary but I cant say much without spoiling future parts. 🙃)

“Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?”

As you begin you dont start on that day of the incident, no you start the story a week before.

You began to feel queasy so you rush to the bathroom and throw up. At first you dont think much of it until you feel that way again the next day. So to ease your worries you buy a pregnancy test. ‘No way I’m pregnant. But better make sure.’ You think as you walk home with the test. As soon as you arrive you wait for the third day to take it in the morning. You didn’t worry about bakugo finding it or asking about it since he leaves early and you wake up later. After you take the test you wait anxiously for the results. After the required time passes you peek at it and nearly faint.

“Holy shit I’m fucking pregnant”

You stare at it in shock but become filled with happiness knowing you were carrying your fiancé’s baby. The rest of the day you spent it thinking of a way to tell him. As a couple of days go by of thinking you finally decide on buying a newborn onesie saying ‘congrats on being a dad’ you see in the mall. You also stop by for a gift bag and pink and blue tissue paper.

You sit on a bench outside of the mall and fix up the gift for bakugo. You can barely contain your excitement as you walk home to make a surprise dinner for him and give him the gift.

You finally make your way home and as you enter your home you find Bakugo’s keys are on the table. ‘Oh, he’s home early. Well might as well give him his present now!’

You drop your purse on the couch as you walk towards your shared room with Bakugo.

“Bakugo-“ You stop abruptly and begin to tear up.

The sight in front of you was enough to make you cry. Bakugo was fucking Uraraka in the bed you shared with your fiancé- no he was not your fiancé not anymore. Bakugo was whispering things into her ear, you only assuming they were dirty things. You drop the gift.

Bakugo looks up at the noise and pales. Uraraka looks over to you and stiffens.

“Y/n- I can explain” both Uraraka and Bakugo say at the same time.

“What’s there to explain bastards! YOU ARE FUCKING MY FIANCÉ YOU BITCH!” You pick up the gift and storm out leaving as Bakugo stumbles out and falls after being entangled in the sheets. He scrambles up and attempts to follow you but your long gone by the time he reaches the floor. He curses himself for bringing her back to your shared home instead of her apartment like other times. Uraraka had managed to convince him to bring her over to your shared home and for some reason he couldn’t find himself to say no.

He should’ve known better, but oh well. What has done is done.

Y/n wonders the streets for a while before deciding to call kirishima.

“Hey... can I spend a couple of days with you? I- me and bakugo got into a fight” you say and wait for his response, “Yes of course y/n you know you’re always welcome.”

You’re relieved that he never presses you to find out when’s something is wrong. You head over to his apartments. Right outside of his complex you stand there staring at the gift and without thinking twice you throw it in the trash bin. As you walk up to his apartment you wipe away your tears and knock.

As you wait Izuku is approaching his apartment and calls out to you, “Y/n? Is that you?” Your turn to him and give him a weak smile. He frowns at the sight of you and softly says, “Are you okay? What happened?”

“Me and Bakugo got into an argument-“ you’re cut off by kirishima apologizing for not opening the door sooner. You tell him its okay and say good bye to Izuku as you walk into kirishima’s apartment.

You spend two nights there, during that time you requested two weeks off at your agency which they gladly gave you considering you almost never missed work. You also began began searching for an apartment that night you arrived at kirishima’s and to your luck, the apartment between kirishima and izuku was for sale. Without thinking you set up a meeting to “view” the apartment the next day and knowing damn well you were going to buy it anyways.

As you head over the next door you talk to the seller and flat out say “I’ll buy it” the owner is just there shocked because you didn’t even go inside. But sells it to you anyways. You send the money over from your own private bank account and its settled.

As the third day arrives of your two weeks off you say good bye to kirishima, who never pestered you with wanting to know more about your fight, and head over to your old home to begin packing up.

When you arrive to the house, you feel sick but walk in. Standing there is Bakugo and who looks sad, you almost feel sorry for him but then you remember what that bastard did. You walk past him, heading towards the bedroom and begin packing your belongings in suitcases. He follows you and finally speaks up, “y/n,” you stiffen as you hear him speak, “Please believe me when I say I didn’t mean to fuck her. I don’t even know why I am even paying attention to her! It’s like I’m being manipulated!” You roll your eyes, “Bakugo no one manipulates their dick to go inside someone’s fucking vagina!” You say bitterly. He flinched at your words and gets agitated when you don’t believe him.

“I’m telling the truth Y/N! I don’t know why I did that I really dont!”

You scoff not believing him, “Bakugo go sell those lies to an idiot, I am not one so don’t even try!”

With that he becomes angry and yells, “YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK YOU! I DON’T HAVE TO PROVE TO YOU SHIT IF YOU WONT BELIEVE ME! YOUR PATHETIC!” You flinch at his sudden outburst. Afraid he will get madder you just stay silent and hope he doesn’t get angrier. He sees you ignore him so as he walks out he says, “I want you out of this house by tomorrow, bitch.” With his harsh words you begin to tear up but continue to pack as quickly as possible.

Bakugo doesn’t come back that night so you assume he went to fuck Uraraka and spent the night. While you packed you wondered why he cheated and of all people why was it Uraraka? You did your best in this relationship and it seems like Bakugo didn’t really care at all. You sleep on the couch that night after you finished packing your belonging. You woke up late to a knock and when you open the door there are movers walking in ‘at least he’s paying for the movers. Bastard’ You tell them to come in and begin from the bedroom to the kitchen. You serve yourself a glass of grape juice hoping your brain thinks its wine and walk out into the balcony.

You finish telling your story to Kirishima and watch as he looks shocked. He is gaping and you give him time to take that story in and process it.

After a couple of seconds he finally speaks up, “Wait, so your pregnant?” He says still not believing it, “and on the day you were supposed to tell Bakugo you found him with Uraraka?!” He sound pissed “that’s what that fight was about that day you came over. It all makes sense now”

You nod at him and speak again, “Please keep my pregnancy a secret. I’ll tell Izuku later but for now no one know but you and I.” He nods and speaks again, “What are you going to do though when you start showing?”

You pale at that question, “I- I didn’t think of that...”

He nods again and thinks for a while.

“I know what you can do...”

SERIES MASTERLIST — Part 3

A/N- with that part two is done! I hope you enjoy the chapter<3 If you’d like to be tagged, you can dm, ask, or comment :)

Taglist for Secrets- @hero-ink-pillar

[thescorpioracer]

Sen Çal Kapımı 1 - Episode Recap

To be honest, this series of posts is mostly going to be a fashion roast. But DISCLAIMER! I really do love this show and Turkish TV in general, it’s just my preferred mode of media analysis is to pick things apart. 😂And I need everyone to know that I am very pro-women, and believe people should be able to dress how they want and not be judged for it or be looked down upon for it. But oh my god this wardrobe department/costumer needs to be STOPPED. I also have zero credentials to be talking about fashion, but will that stop me?

I’m going to make these posts assuming you’ve watched the show, and just comment on whatever comes up. There will be spoilers. Let’s go!

We start off with a voiceover from Eda Yıldız, an A+ romcom trope. (It wasn’t until my rewatch that I remembered that Eda used to do VOs at random intervals, and I’m kind of glad she stopped tbh.) She is a strong woman who wants to get her education and become a landscape architect/designer. She was all set to do that until- dun dun dun! - Serkan Bolat destroyed everything. 

Check out that dart board of a man (and this is the only time we see that photo there). And these outfits are probably the most normal and reasonable clothes she wears in the show. She’s a beautiful young woman, who was a college student, and now works outdoors as a florist. 10/10 outfit. 

Of course that transitions us into an epic slomo of Serkan exiting his private jet. He of course begins to berate his assistant on the phone in a way a friend described as reminiscent of The Devil Wears Prada.

@teamnick​​‘s commentary back when she first started the show. 

Serkan returns to his office for the first time in 2 months after working on business deals in London. Chaos ensues: Miranda Priestly is baaaaaaack.

See... here we have some good fashion choices! We meet the girls for the first time, while they try to sneak off to their graduation without making Eda feel bad that she won’t be receiving her diploma. Melek “Melo” is dressed in a sweet dress with a bold, romantic color, which captures her personality perfectly. Ceren, the rich daughter from a family of lawyers, looks a bit more high-fashion. The dress is short but it has long sleeves and no cleavage so it works out to be chic and elegant. Fifi is unapologetically herself with her full-black, punk wardrobe. Eda is again dressed in a pretty, but casual outfit. Nicely put together for her lower-middle-class lifestyle and her job as a florist.

Enter: the plot device to get our protagonists together. Serkan’s face says it all.

We are then introduced to the main couple’s respective cars. Serkan has his 2020 BMW (though the show blocks out the copyrighted branding) while Eda’s beat up SUV is clearly unreliable. What’s that? Another plot device being introduced? I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Also, I just noticed this, but for someone as uptight as Serkan, I’m surprised at how fun his suit jacket lining is. If I’m not mistaken the pattern is of a bunch of rainbow fish. #Snazzy, but they seem out of character?

Plot highlights:

Eda learns she can come back to school and finish her final year, but she’s lost her scholarship and will have to pay. She can’t.

Serkan gives his talk at the graduation (?)-- Is his talk just for architecture students? If so, why are Ceren, Fifi, and Melo there? We’ll never know. I know, I know... it’s all for the ~plot~

Eda calls Serkan out in front of everyone for taking away the scholarship that she earned from his company, Art Life. He is confused but unrepentant. She refuses to tell him her name.

She tries to deface his car with lipstick after keying the side (we never hear about the damage to his car after that). He catches her and wants to call the police, so she impulsively handcuffs them together with the plot devices from Selin’s wedding invitation sitting on his passenger seat.

They then have to go to Serkan’s urgent business meeting with an out-of-town client. Eda drives while they’re handcuffed together. Bickering ensues.

What is this? Foreshadowing? Symbolism?? Eda’s last name “Yıldız” is the Turkish word for “star” so... file that away for later.

One of my favorite parts about watching Turkish dramas is the experience of trying to decipher the fan translations. Add to the fact that Turkish only has 1 pronoun *chef’s kiss* 

Eda refuses to take the elevator to the 15th floor (we’ll learn about her claustrophobia later). Serkan is equally as stubborn, saying she owes  him for screwing up his day. But he has met his match in Eda with regards to stubbornness. They take the stairs.

More highlights:

First instance of fake dating - they need to hide the handcuffs from his client so Eda pretends she’s his girlfriend and a fellow investor.

The girls track Eda’s phone to the hotel and try to find her by asking around the premises. 

Eda charms the client into selling his land to Serkan.

We learn that Serkan is allergic to strawberries and has a lot of health anxiety. He’s a very tightly wound person.

Serkan says “Mashallah,” translator hears 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Engin brings way too many people to open the handcuffs and chaos ensues.

I feel like nothing can do justice to the comedy of 58:45 to 1:00:00 with Fifi using a bobby pin as a lock pick. The dramatic editing is 👌🏼

Leyla gets fired for somehow causing this drama??? And she is so happy to leave that stressful workplace omg, we don’t deserve her 🥺

Serkan and Eda go their separate ways, Eda prepared to never see her enemy again, but of course her phone and purse are still in his car so she has to go to his office at Art Life and confront him again.

Serkan has found out that Whoops, Art Life did cancel the study abroad scholarships to cut costs, but his CFO did it without telling him. And Serkan is pissed, but I think mainly about the fact that Eda did have some (SOME) grounds for yelling at him in public.

Leyla then explains the nonsensical reasoning behind her being fired-but-not-fired and still working. (Spoiler alert: she never goes anywhere and she is my favorite side character to this day).

Eda: “How can I piss Serkan off?” Leyla: “Find a mistake he’s made and he will fixate on it forever. But you won’t find anything.” Eda: “Hold my beer.”

Eda walks into Serkan’s office and his meeting. She gets her purse back and they fight about him not being willing to apologize for ruining her life and education. He refuses and says she owes him an apology for embarrassing him in public (no, dude).

He wants to give her back the scholarship and make it all go away but she rightly tells him that it won’t fix her broken pride from begging the company and her university for a second chance. But somehow her calling him a heartless “Robot” is what gets to him???? And he short-circuits. Eda walks out triumphant. 

~dRaMa!~

MEANWHILE

Melo, as well as being a perfume sales girl, also works as a flight attendant and wants Eda to cover her shift (we’ll get into how that doesn’t make sense in a minute) 

Eda says no, she’s going to meet her boyfriend, Cenk, who she hasn’t seen in months and has just returned from Italy.

Enter: Selin. Serkan’s ex who he dumped a while ago and is now engaged to the heir of a hotel empire. Serkan doesn’t like this. The two of them grew up together and are set to each inherit 50% of the holding company that Serkan’s father currently runs.

Right away Selin serves us with a gender reveal level color scheme.  Personally not a fan. They confirm that Serkan is coming to her engagement party tomorrow.

Meanwhile Eda  meets up with Cenk. Her outfit is still reasonable and cute for her character. He looks mildly like a hobo and doesn’t seem to have anything going for him (I know he’s a throwaway character but the two of them really don’t have anything in common).

This creeper keeps staring at them, but Cenk tries to explain it away and says he’s busy and can’t meet her again until the day after tomorrow. Eda is disappointed but accepts this. Creeper girl remains and remains a red flag to viewers, but apparently not to Eda.

Cut to later that evening, and of course our broody main man enjoys astronomy in his free time (???) idk what he’s charting and to what purpose but okay? 

Eda finds a mini first aid kit in her purse that Serkan put there before returning it. Queue montage of them treating their respective wrists for handcuff-related injuries. #couplegoals

Of course we also needed a sepia-toned flashback to earlier that day when the handcuffs contrived their faces to get too close together. #romance

Finallyyyyyyy it’s morning again and a new day.

Since Eda can’t see Cenk (good, he’s so boring), she agrees to fill in as a flight attendant for Melo, who’s side job is for a private plane company.

Now. This should not be a thing. Eda was in college to be a landscape architect and now works as a florist for her aunt... Where has she learned any relevant skills to work as a flight attendant?? Presumably nowhere. And I really don’t think a private plane company would be so easygoing about just having a random person fill in to cover for her friend? 

But does this show care about that? What do you think...

Also, instead of the standard white shirt, black skirt uniform requirements, the girls decide that this skimpy dress and heels is fine? Hmmm

Also lol @ Melo for assuming that the client who wants jasmine tea and fruit salad is probably a woman. And her telling Eda that the PRIVATE JET COMPANY would in fact have its own tea was very random and unnecessary. 

Back at the Bolat house compound, we meet the parents: Aydan and Alptekin. We’ll see them again later. Selin’s engagement party is today. 

Meanwhile Eda is just.... being a flight attendant, I guess??? And who could possibly be the passenger she has to take care of? Take a wild guess. Of course it’s Serkan Bolat.

And of course that tiny dress (THAT ALSO HAS A LEG SLIT?? WHY?? I really don’t need to see her vagina) looks very practical and professional... not! (Hande Erçel is a gorgeous human, and the dress looks good on her, don’t get me wrong. BUT THIS IS SITUATIONALLY INCORRECT ATTIRE). Also him just folding his vest and then social distancing from it... K? 😂

Eda panics and doesn’t want Serkan to see her and runs away back to her seat pod thing - Serkan takes issue with his fruit salad for ~plot reasons~ (EDIT: I’ve been informed that it’s because there was a strawberry in his fruit salad and since he’s allergic, of course it needed to be fixed. Why doesn’t the plane have a note of that??) and comes back to find this mystery flight attendant.

Eda is very stressed out about this encounter and is also starting to have a panic attack because, surprise, she’s also claustrophobic. 

After Serkan calms her down, they have a cute/civil conversation for the rest of the flight.

When they land, Eda realizes they’re on an island 2h45min away from Istanbul and she isn’t sure what to do with herself (How did she not already know where they were going, as the FLIGHT ATTENDANT??? So may red flags with this private jet company).

Serkan convinces Eda to come with him and she can hang out at the beach while he’s at Selin’s engagement party.

At the engagement party we finally meet Selin’s fiancé Ferit. He’s sweet and non-threatening and clearly insecure about Serkan being Selin’s ex.

This dress/skirt outfit Selin is wearing isn’t terrible, but it doesn’t scream rich socialite to me. Anything with feathers seems... a bit tacky/too showy? Like someone pretending to be rich? Idk, this outfit isn’t one I’m going to really take a stand on.

Does this engagement party warrant being a 2h45 min flight away? No. They try to explain it away as the couple wanting to have something small and private, even though they also invite the press?? But okay whatever, as long as Serkan and Eda cross paths again, I suppose.

Kaan Karadağ has been mentioned a couple times in passing, but now we finally meet our “villain.” Ferit’s friend, and Serkan & Selin’s childhood acquaintance, who has it out for Serkan bc he somehow bankrupted Kaan’s dad? Idk and I don’t really care but tl;dr they’re enemies. 

Another thing I love about Turkish dramas is the censoring. Like, they’ll allow alcohol to be on screen, but they won’t say the word and they’ll just blur out the bottle and any liquid that we’d assume is alcoholic 😂

In the evening, Serkan is tired and wants to leave and Ferit snidely jokes about how Serkan is too picky to have a fiancé of his own. Serkan flashes back to 1 entire day ago when he and Eda pretended to be dating at his business meeting, and says that actually he is engaged to someone and then peaces out.

Serkan finds Eda on the beach, and they are preparing to leave when a crowd of people (Selin, Ferit, and Kaan mainly), arrive to get a peek at Serkan’s new “fiancé.” Eda very reluctantly plays along (good thing she has that unnecessarily sexy “work” dress to help her look the part) and Serkan notices that for the first time ever, Selin is jealous of another woman. #drama

After they finally escape the crowd, Serkan makes an annoyed Eda an offer: Pretend to be his fiancé for the 2 months leading up to Selin’s wedding so he can get them to break up and prevent Ferit marrying into the company. In return, he will pay all the fees to help her complete her last year of studies in Italy.

Eda refuses, stating that she doesn’t want anything from him, and besides she has a boyfriend (Sure Jan; Cenk is such a joke). They have it out and then fly back to Istanbul. But of course the gossips at the engagement have spread the news of Serkan’s new woman so the paparazzi corner them at the airport when they land. 

So glad that we got to see this random mechanic find out the news (???)

They escape the cameras and Serkan takes her home, saying that Art Life has a press conference tomorrow, and she should come so he can save face and tell everyone that she was his assistant accompanying him for work to the party. Eda agrees. 

It should also be mentioned that Serkan still doesn’t know her name at this point?? She refused to tell him and Engin still hasn’t sent him the names of the scholarship candidates so it’s a bit miraculous that their relationship was at all believable.

The next day, Cenk wants to meet but Eda has to go to the press conference. The girls come too for whatever reason, and Melo is convinced that Cenk wants to propose. Eda just lets that fantasy take hold (why tho?), and Cenk shows up unexpectedly right before the press conference and takes Eda into the nearby hotel’s cafe so they can talk.

Eda seems ready for a proposal (they haven’t seen each other or really communicated in months??) but Cenk wants to break up. Eda is shocked (???) but then Cenk mentions that he has a new girlfriend from Italy that he adores, and oh by the way, it’s the creepy girl from the other night who also happens to be here right now?

Okay fine, I guess??? Cenk: “She’s doesn’t speak Turkish” Girlfriend: *clearly a Turkish actress*

Eda is upset that he brought his jealous girlfriend with him to break up with her and says something about how actually, she’s seeing Serkan Bolat now (maybe it’s just me being someone who doesn’t follow tabloids, but are business people really that popular in every day society where everyone knows who they are?). Cenk laughs at Eda, saying that everyone wants to be with Serkan Bolat, and that she’s bluffing.

Eda makes an impulsive decision, and walks away, over to where Serkan has started the press conference. And seals their fate as fake dating in the public eye.

Queue confetti. No really.

And there we have it. That’s the episode!

In all seriousness, it’s a pretty great pilot, especially for a romcom. It hits all the right beats, includes enough tropes, and tells us a lot about what we should expect in the episodes going forward. And no matter how much I make fun of it, I really do enjoy this show! It’s been such a nice distraction from Current Events. I’ve spent a lot of time watching these episodes just saying “oh my god” out loud to myself as I watch all of the cute/romantic gestures that give me a lot of second hand embarrassment (I forget that PDA makes me kinda uncomfortable 😂).

There wasn’t actually that much terrible fashion in this episode, which I didn’t notice until my rewatch. If I continue with this series of posts, I’m hoping they’ll end up being less plot-centric, and more about the situationally inappropriate outfits and strange subtitling choices. 

See you next time? 

[wellthatwasaletdown]

On this day, 27 years ago, a homewrecker was born. Little did the world know what would be unleashed upon it after Harry Styles graduated from boy bander to mediocre solo artist. Today, he counts among his successes, huge album sales and streams that were totally not the result of payola or gaming the system through dubious bundling.

In his spare time, he acts blameless while breaking up families for fun. He is also the founder and president of a movement called TPWK which his followers have used to threaten, bully and silence non-Harries and also other Harries for expressing differing opinions about their cult leader, Harry Styles. Non celebrities may purchase TPWK merch on his website. Available to celebrities for free, hoodie comes with matching NDA.

He is rumored to have proposed to his current, long term girlfriend of a few months, professional director, Olivia Wilde. The pair met at a funeral, the death of her vagina. At this time, there is no talk of or concern about children, not even her own. The couple was very happy together until the cheating was revealed. During this difficult time, Miss Wilde asks that you respect her fake feminism. Mr. Styles would like you to look away from this car crash and take a pop quiz about which ugly outfits he wore to stupid fame whore events.

Happy Birthday, Harry! The year is young and you have so many more families to break up and directors to sleep with for movie roles.

[artoflifehealingarts]

For anyone that finds the Onlyfans the funny thing with some new people 50 likes no reading and instant gratification..if that's the case it is over your head. Get out you need need need stay needing get out. Not being mean just sayin it is obviously not for you You do not get it I love money but my SEX is not for sale Needless So no need Not offended Just I DO NOT HAVE SEX OR RUB DOWN CIVILIANS I DO NOT LIKE AVG SEX I WANT TO CRYSTALIZE THE ENERGY BODY LOW VIBE VAGINA OR PENIS IS NOT TO MY LIKING YOU LIKE BLONDES OR ANAL I ONLY LIKE VAMA MARGA And that is how you speak your truth I love sex but way past the average No need #vamamarga tantrics only for me for my energy for my SOUL If that is too direct or offends Too bad move on. If anyone else asks I will block If you do not understand NO Then get your rapist but away If you think the huge website is a Front Unfollow Peace out Mute Block me Do what ya gotta do #ShaktiDurgaHealingArts #life #truth #word #respect #sex #antirapeculture #femalelberation #newwomen #speak Don't fake!

[pynkhues]

Hi, love your stories! They're great and always very true to the characters. I think at one point you mentioned a potential story of Beth answering Ruby's "how was it" question. Is that still a possibility? I'm forever bitter that we didn't get a scene of Annie and Ruby finding out it happened in a bar bathroom with Dean right outside. Also, thank you for sharing your headcanon of the kidnapping, that version is definitely more plausible to me.

Ah! Thank you so, so much, anon! You’re so sweet. :-) 

And yesss, I was bitter about it too. I was absolutely writing a longer fic about Beth talking to Annie and Ruby about her and Rio’s bathroom break, but the piece kind of lost steam, unfortunately. Since I probably won’t finish the overall fic, I’ve popped the scene in for you beneath the cut below (it’s pretty rough, so please be kind, haha). I hope you enjoy it. :-) 

(And you’re totally welcome about my headcanon of the kidnapping, haha. It was the only way it made sense to me too)

- -

“You know,”Ruby says, a little slyly. “You still haven’t told us how it was.”

Beth blinksback at her owlishly, reaching across the table to drag a handful of theunsorted pills towards her.

“How whatwas?” she asks, feigning cluelessness, and Ruby and Annie both scoff.

“How thesale day at Boland Motors went - - obviously the bang-sesh with Gangfriend,Beth, God.”

“Yeah,” Rubyadds, dropping her own handful of pills into Beth’s bead tray. “Or like, whereor how or how many times it was.”

It’s enoughto make Beth give Ruby a look, but Ruby just holds up her free hand in surrenderbefore grabbing her mug of whiskey-spiked-coffee and taking a pointed sip. Bethfrowns, flicking her gaze across to Annie who isn’t even pretending to sortpills anymore.

“You didn’treally want to know the other night,” Beth says, ignoring the heat in hercheeks as she thumbs three antibiotics together in the palm of her hand.

The wordshave barely left her mouth when Annie lets loose a put upon sigh, folding herarms across her chest and flopping back in her seat at Beth’s dining roomtable.

“I stillthink it’s a bad idea,” she says. “But I also would like to know details.”

And thething is, it’s not a surprise, not academically. Just - -

Just maybe sheknows way too much about Annie’s sex life, and enough about Ruby andStan’s to have felt pangs of envy on a regular basis, and just - - they’d neverreally enquired much about Dean. Like they’d maybe always known it wasn’tanything worth sharing.

But Rio? Sheblushes bright, and grabs another handful of pills to sort.  

Annie says,“That good, huh?” around the same time Ruby says, “Bitch, your face iseight different colours right now.”

“Once,” Bethsnips quickly, answering the easiest question, hoping it’ll be enough, and keepingher gaze focused on the pills in her hand. “In a bathroom at a bar.” 

Ruby’s eyeswiden dramatically, and Annie cackles. She picks up an imaginary phone out of mid-air and fake dials.

“Hello? 911?I’d just like to report that my sister has been body snatched.”

“A bathroomat a bar,” Ruby echoes, and Beth just scowls, mostly at herself, her chestcrushing with embarrassment. God, how do people do this for a living? Isn’tthat basically what The Bachelorette is? Great, now she feels bad forliking that show. She huffs out a coarse breath.

“Can we talkabout something else now?” Beth asks, her tone tinged with desperation, andAnnie says a distinct no, as Ruby concedes, changing the topic to Stan’svisiting parents, carefully avoiding why they’re visiting, but the guiltfinds Beth anyway.

It’s later,much, Annie passed out on the couch when Ruby sidles over to help Beth rinse theircoffee mugs at the sink, and says, “I just want to know you enjoyed it,” herwords almost sticky with creamer and bourbon, and Beth’s just drunk enough tonod, the tiniest of grins pulling at her lips. She hides it in the shoulder ofher hoodie, almost chomping down on one of the drawstrings, and god, maybe they’rea little drunker than she thought.

“Ohmygod,yessssssss,” Ruby says, a little breathless, dumping her mug at the sinkand grabbing Beth’s face. “Tell me that boy with all his - - like - - his energy,and handsomeness, just - - just took your vagina on a journey.”

“Oh my god,”Beth echoes, and she’s pretty sure it’s impossible for her to get much redder,and Ruby grins tipsily at her.

“He’s gotbig hands,” Ruby adds slyly, and Beth huffs out a laugh.

“Right. I’mnot that - - you know - - I mean, I know the saying. Big hands, big feet, big --”

And thenthey’re both giggling again, Ruby releasing Beth’s face, and then they’re both slidingto the floor of her kitchen, turning so that their backs are against the cabinets.Beth leans back up enough just to grab the bottle of bourbon off the kitchenisland, offering it to Ruby who takes a swig.

“It’s notwrong in his case,” Beth adds, like there was any doubt, but it sets Ruby offagain, laughing up a storm.

“B, I am notgoing to be able to look at him again without thinking tripod.”

“Nooooo,”Beth cries, covering her face, and Ruby starts gesturing wildly with the handnot holding the bourbon.

“He’s soskinny. Is his dick skinny? God, if it’s thick, do you mistake it for histhigh? I mean, he’s - - ”

“Oh my god,”Beth interrupts, breathless through her laughs. She thinks she might be cryinga little. She grabs the bottle of bourbon and takes a drink, knocking her headback against her kitchen cabinets.

“It’sproportionate,” she says quickly, her cheeks red. “And he like, he - - youknow, he - -” she takes a breath. “He knows what he’s doing with it.”

And she’snot sure why, or how, but something in Ruby’s expression shifts from drunk andamused to soft and loving in an instant. Beth blinks, looks down, away fromher. Ruby clocks the movement, like she always does, and leans in to nudgegently at Beth’s side.

“So it wasgood?”

It takes hera minute to respond, and maybe she can blame it on the bourbon, maybe she canblame it on Ruby, maybe she can just blame it on the moment, but Beth actuallyanswers.

“I didn’t evenknow it could be that good,” Beth admits, avoiding Ruby’s gaze. “God, isn’tthat sad? I’m forty one, I have four kids, and I just - - you know, Dean and meweren’t - - “

The words won’tcome. Beth’s not sure she wants them to.

“It’s not aquestion of could, you know?” Ruby says after Beth’s long silence. “It shouldbe that good. You deserve that good. God, your vagina deservesthat good. Those four kids she’s pushed out? She’s earned herself a beach houseand a bottomless mojito.”

Beth laughs,but her face is still a little flushed, and she can’t quite mouth the words, whenRuby holds up her hands.

“Before yousay another word, that beach house can be open to guests. Can be open to live-inguests if that’s what she wants, but I just don’t want to show up at said beachhouse and finding you any of the following things:”

She holdsout a thumb and then starts listing on her fingers:

“Murdered. Disembowelled.Decapitated. Burned alive. Decomposing in a bucket.”

“Okay, I getit. The gang thing is a thing.”

“I’m notfinished,” Ruby insists, then:

“Sad.Heartbroken. Crying. Regretting anything or feeling betrayed about anything beyondhim putting artichoke in your dinner.”

“I really dohate artichoke.”

“I know,”Ruby says. “I’ve got you. But also artichoke is beautiful, and your tastebudsare wrong. I’m also going to insist on careful. With all of it. Use both physical andmetaphorical condoms. And get regular health checks. And use a little more honesty withyour best friend Ruby so she doesn’t have to find out via your kid sisterhaving a meltdown in a bar carpark.”

Beth laughs,looking at Ruby, and maybe it is still the booze, but the air feels thickbetween them, the love covering them like something warm, something soft, andBeth’s face splits into a grin.

“Hate you,”she says, and Ruby grins toothily back.

“Hate yourface.”

[pephq]

what are some kind of secrets/rumours you guys would like to see around here?

rumors. big thanks as always to @rosecoloredbov & my angel emily - this list wouldn’t have been possible without y’all ! 

snorted coke off their ta’s tits last summer

steals salt and pepper packets from pops everytime they visit

contributes so much to the chocolate milk sales in the local grocery store that they accidentally overstocked when they went to college

eats their boogers

was an extra in harry potter and the goblet of fire

smoked oregano instead of weed one time 

got kicked out of the army for sexting using a government issued phone

still eats whole sticks of butter, to this day

spent a considerable amount of time in jail for piracy ( not with like, a ship, but downloading from limewire )

only has one nipple

are the reason that pixi stix were banned in middle school

fakes life changing events for their vlogging channel

alternatively : had three nipples, but got one removed

is the only reason the local pizza place still stocks pineapple at all

used to run an illegal gambling ring - game of choice? pokemon card duels

collects umbrella covers /  toenail clippings / troll dolls / insert something weird

is another illicit fp jones child

are widely believed not to be able to count to ten and has never proved anybody wrong about it

started a viral meme

got caught breaking into someone’s house cause they got distracted by their cute pet

honestly believes that lol means lots of love

is actually their identical twin who “died” years ago

got hit by a car playing pokemon go

got silly bands banned in middle school

is a sugar gay

the only word that they don’t know in english is vagina, but at least they know it in spanish !

broke both of their front teeth falling up the stairs in third grade

hit oprah with their car

is one of the members of daft punk

is still bitter about carrie the musical getting cancelled after midge died, cause they never got to see the show

blood related to guy fieri

for three years they lived as a wolf deep in the forests of washington state

was a queer eye hero but all they did was stare at antoni porowski the whole ep so they had to cut it

fell off their scooter in 5th grade after running over a slug and broke their arm

is an anti vaxxer

actually finds pennywise the clown… kinda hot

smuggled coke into disneyworld by hiding it up their ass

was a twilight kid in junior high

got fired from a brand new job because they caught chicken pox a week in ( they were 20 ) 

invented a cool story about how they got a scar over their eyebrow when in reality they fell onto a push pop, aged five

has never been tested for stds in their life

was breastfed until the age of 20 

was bullied by drake in middle school

one time they made a tumblr text post that said ‘I Am Gay’ and it got 1m notes

got married in vegas to their best friend just to spite their mother

their parents restaurant was shut down by gordon ramsey

fabricated a whole trip to london using nothing but pictures saved from google

got fired from their last job because they showed up with coke residue under their nose

can quote every single episode of degrassi

actually believes that pink and brown are colors of the rainbow

is one of the members of the black eyed peas

has a fear of dogs after being bit by a chihuahua at the ripe old age of 20

got fired from toys'r'us and threw a celebratory party when it closed down

can only speak in mean girls quotes 

honestly cannot spell banana ( they’ve tried )

got banned for life from disneyworld for biting one of the actors

took algebra one their senior year

broke their arm trying to do a back flip ( and still tried again )

has seen every single annoying orange video ever posted

failed every math class that they ever took

[ancientbooshartifacts]

A Whole New Look

Author: Anonymous

Year: 2008

Rating: R

Pairing: Vince/Old Gregg

Naboo slapped his hand against his forehead as Vince, lost in the world of Gary Numan blaring out of his ipod headphones, downed the bright pink liquid in one go. At first Vince just experienced a fuzzy tingly feeling; it was actually quite pleasant if he was honest, but then suddenly, he bent double, gasping sharply as, simultaneously, he experienced a withering sensation in his groin, and something, or somethings, roughly burst forth from his chest. Rolling around on the floor like a football player faking an injury, he looked up at Naboo and wheezed, “What’s happening?” Naboo rolled his eyes. “How many times have I told you not to mess with my things, Vince? There’s some powerful stuff in that cupboard.” “Yeah, thanks for the lecture, Naboo, but what the fuck’s happened to me?” “You’ve turned into a woman.” “Really?” Vince stopped rolling about on the floor and seemed to perk up at this piece of information, and jumped up. “I’d better get down to Topshop then.” “What?” Naboo asked incredulously. “Well I’ll need a whole new look won’t I?” “Hardly.” Naboo snorted as Vince legged it out the door and towards Oxford Street as quick as his legs could carry him.

Vince was sifting through the skirts in Topshop hunting for something to compliment a silver jacket he’d found in the sale rack. Distracted for a moment by a salty smell he glanced up and spotted someone else wearing that same jacket with a pink tutu. Genius, Vince thought, that skirt’d look great with my white cowboy boots. Sauntering over, Vince introduced himself to the woman (man? he wasn’t one hundred percent sure) who shouted “I’m Old Gregg!” in return, and explained he was looking for a dress to wear to a party; preferably something sparkly and stripy. Ever the altruistic one (that means nice to other people, mate) Vince quickly jumped to his aid and helped him pick out the perfect outfit. Vince invited the fishy character back to the flat, where they bonded further over their love of fashion, and, as was natural with Vince, one thing led to another, which inevitably led to the bedroom. Little did they know that Howard was lurking in closet (a home from home for him). He’d been fixated on Vince since that day he’d eyed up his nubile sixteen year old form, and told him that GCSEs weren’t important, and whenever Vince vacated the flat, Howard used the opportunity to sneak into his wardrobe and have a good wank over his mirror ball suit, breathing in the musky aroma of Vince’s white boots as he went at it. Naboo had assured Howard that Vince had gone shopping, which under usual circumstances would have given Howard a good five hours at the very least for his five finger love making, so it came as no small surprise to him when he heard the bedroom door click open and shut again just two and a half hours into his session. Peeping out through the crack between the wardrobe’s doors, Howard could see his Vince rolling around with someone who looked suspiciously like… “I’m Old Gregg! I gotta mangina!” And with that Gregg lifted up his pink tutu, and exposed his inner like. Vince was drawn to the genitals like a moth to a flame. “That is genius. With a light down there everyone’ll be able see your boots much better. D’you know where I can get me one of them fitted?” Tears began to roll silently down Howards cheeks as he watched the man he loved being pulled into Old Gregg’s fishy embrace. Slowly they began to strip each other (Vince carefully hiding Gregg’s tutu under the bed so he could have it later when it went ‘missing’) and Howard was unable to tear his eyes away. His cock was still hard in his hand, the mirror ball suit wrapped around it, and almost unconsciously he resumed his stroking. Gregg was now taking off Vince’s top and … wait, what the fuck were those? Howard wiped the tears out of his eyes, thinking they must be distorting his vision, but no they were still there, Vince definitely had breasts, and a vagina he noted as Vince’s pants were slipped off. Howard wailed internally, his beloved Vincey had chosen to become a transsexual and have a lesbian affair with that freaky sea monster over Howard Moon, could life get any more depressing? On the other hand, (the one that was still holding Vince’s white boot just below his nose) this was the most erotic thing he’d seen since that time he’d set up a video camera in the panda enclosure and Mrs Gideon and that panda had, well…Howard came back to himself and thrust furiously into his fist as he watched Vince and Gregg writhing around on the bed, the salty tears had now reached his lips, and as they touched his tongue he could almost imagine that it was him licking at Gregg’s green skin. Vince and Gregg came, crying out together, then lay in quietly side by side until Vince, having put his fingers in his mouth, said with disgust, “Eww, I don’t care what you told me, Gregg, but that is definitely not Baileys.” That did it for Howard and he came with a grunt, his cum flying out through the gap in the doors and landing on Vince’s carpet. Vince sat up straight on the bed. “What the fuck was that?”

[shirlleycoyle]

The Fleshlight Is a Portal to the Future of Sex

“It’s quite possible someone’s having sex with me right now and I don’t even know it,” adult performer and director Stoya told me.

Her vulva is for sale on the internet and in stores. Or rather, a rubbery, lifelike mold of her vulva is, in the form of a Fleshlight. The outside of it looks almost exactly like her actual body. The inside is a labyrinth of corkscrew shapes, nodules, and ridges. It’s dubbed “The Destroya,” a name that, nine years after the product launched, still makes her laugh.

Fleshlight manufacturer Interactive Lifeforms LLC has sold more than 75,000 Destroyas and more than 15 million Fleshlights total since the company started 20 years ago. It averages around 20,000 retail orders every month, according to a spokesperson for the company.

At around 1.63 pounds each, that’s nearly 24.5 million pounds of fucktoy floating around, taking up space in closets, nightstands, and under beds around the world.

The Fleshlight is an artifact of the sexually adventurous, technologically innovative 90s, but it’s become the face—and lips, and anus, and lips—of the male sex toy industry. The fact that a disembodied vulva and vaginal canal to jerk off into exists in 2019, the era of #MeToo and grabbed pussies and tabloid uproar over sex robots, shows the often contradictory intersection of sex and technology.

On one hand, the Fleshlight is a portal to new forms of sexual openness, allowing people, even those who think of themselves as heterosexual men, to engage in sex that moves away from old notions of gender and the biological body in general. On the other, the Fleshlight is also the reduction of a person to a replica of their reproductive organs. But 21 years since its inception, Fleshlight, the people who use them, and sex toy experts are realizing that maybe people don’t need an exact replica of a vulva or anus to get off. Sex toys are increasingly taking on more abstract, functional forms, and the future of the Fleshlight and toys like it may rely less on using replicas of disembodied genitals.

Today, the Fleshlight is polarizing even for the people who use it. No matter your opinion of the ubiquitous brand, it’s made an undeniable mark on human sexuality and the world.

Hundreds of years from now, if sentient life still exists on Earth, when archeologists dig up the still-intact bits and pieces of plastic casings containing rubberized genitalia, what will they think of the Fleshlight? Will it be considered an antiquated representation of how society literally objectified and commodifed sexual pleasure, or a turning point in the normalization of sex toys for all people, and our first step into a world where technology is an inseparable part of sex?

The answer, according to people who make them, use them, and are them, is both.

WHAT MAKES A FLESHLIGHT

The original Fleshlight model consists of a 10-inch plastic tube casing with a soft sleeve inside. You stick an erect dick (plus some water-based lube) into one end, grip ridges on the outside of the casing, and stroke the penis inside of the sleeve. You fuck the tube, come in the tube, then (ideally promptly) unscrew the whole apparatus and rinse it out with water (soap could degrade the material) and dry it.

Earliest archived version of Fleshlight.com, captured May 1998

Why the Fleshlight exists is a complicated story that’s become seminal sex toy lore. If the many interviews given by the company’s founder Steve Shubin are to be believed, the Fleshlight was born from his desire to get off while his spouse was pregnant.

In the late 90s Shubin, a former member of the Los Angeles Police Department’s SWAT team, and his wife Kathy were expecting twins. Both in their 40s, the couple was advised by doctors that because of their age and the fact Kathy was having two babies, the pregnancy was high-risk. He claims they were told not to have sex again until after the baby was born.

“I asked my wife ‘would you think I was a pervert if I told you there was something that I could use, sexually?'” Shubin told Wired in 2008. “But the adult store had only junk. Just crap. I thought, I can make something better, and took $50,000 of our savings to start working on it.”

Image from the 1997 patent filing for a “discrete sperm collection” device.

Shubin’s first patent filing, in 1995, was for a “female functional mannequin,” a hard sex doll torso. He called his next invention, which boiled the whole doll down to just the genitals, a “device for discreet sperm collection.” The proto-Fleshlight.

This version of the Fleshlight was pretty similar to what we see on the market today. But the description Shubin laid out in the 1997 patent filing was much more clinical. The product was framed as useful for sperm banks or doctors’ offices.

It also predicted some of the embarrassment many men feel from tucking a sex toy away in their own homes:

While my [sex doll] patent succeeds admirably in fulfilling the objects of that invention, it has several characteristics that prevent it from universal acceptance. When the torso mannequin is used in sperm banks, doctor’s offices, and other public facilities, it is sometimes intimidating to the patient being treated or may have an adverse effect upon the patient’s sexual desire and ability to deposit sperm. […] When the device of my patent is used in the home, or by those who find such a mannequin to be positive in nature, there is the concern that others will still find the object during a casual visit to the home.

The earliest version of Fleshlight.com that’s archived online, captured in 1998, shows a company attempting to carve a path as the first widely-accepted male sex toy by characterizing it as a requirement of virility, manliness, and insatiable sex drive. From an archive of Fleshlight’s “Our Philosophy” page circa May 1998:

The need for sexual gratification is as present and as powerful in a man as it is in the stallion. But where the stallion has no ability to wait, relentlessly pursuing his desire until he is satisfied or restrained, man has the ability to control his desires through fantasy… That release has to be done in a responsible way or we risk our relationships, expose ourselves to disease, take a chance with unwanted pregnancy, or even, in extreme cases, break the law.

The market, and we as a species, were primed for this thing to succeed. Hallie Lieberman, sex historian and author of Buzz: The Stimulating History of the Sex Toy, told me that artificial vaginas and sleeves date as far back as the 1600s—the first being Japanese masturbators made from tortoiseshell and velvet, she said. Artificial vaginas were sold in the U.S. as early as the late 1800s, she said, and Doc Johnson debuted the “pocket pal” in the late 1970s. Pocket pals look a lot like Fleshlights without the hard case around them (therefore, like long fleshy sandworms), and the labias themselves are a lot more realistic-looking compared to Fleshlights’ more smooth, almost cartoonish aesthetic.

Doc Johnson’s “Pocket Pal,” as seen for sale on Amazon.

When Fleshlight hit the market in the late 1990s, sex toys marketed to male customers still mostly consisted of “pocket pussies,” “those disembodied, often clunky looking artificial vaginas—sometimes with fake pubic hair,” Lynn Comella, associate professor of gender and sexuality studies at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas and author of Vibrator Nation, told me. “They were really kind of gross looking and for years, many women-friendly retailers, such as Good Vibrations, refused to carry them because they felt that displaying disembodied female body parts didn’t fit with their women-friendly vibe.” (San Francisco-based Good Vibrations became the first sex-positive, women-friendly sex shop in the U.S. in 1997.)

“Some Fleshlight designs actually depict women’s genitals beautifully, like a more commercialized version of a Georgia O’Keefe painting.”

Since time immemorial, men have been fucking whatever they can get their hands on, whether it be rubber gloves, toiler paper rolls, couch cushions, fruit, teddy bears, etc. A story about a Redditor who jerked off into a coconut, then later had his penis covered by maggots (he did it multiple times with the same coconut), has become treasured Reddit lore. There are also communities committed to exploring upscale DIY masturbators by refashioning Pringles cans, sponges, and building a better Fleshlight.

The Fleshlight arrived in a perfect pro-masturbation societal storm, Lieberman said: On the heels of the safe sex messaging of the 1980s AIDS crisis, in the midst of cultural landmarks like Seinfeld’s 1992 episode “The Contest” which grappled with masturbation both male and female, and as the White House forced Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders to resign in 1994 for suggesting masturbation should be taught in school. In the 90s, masturbation, for better or worse, was discussed more openly than ever.

Shubin couldn’t have happened into a better time to unveil a tasteful sex toy for penis-having people. But the Fleshlight founder’s reputation is controversial: he’s waxed nostalgic in interviews about his time as an aggressive LAPD cop, and the company’s Glassdoor reviews are generally abysmal.

In 2010, Stoya stopped by the Fleshlight headquarters in Austin, Texas before her mold was made, and described Shubin as a “mountain of a man” who normalized the absurdity that surrounded him.

“He was like, ‘We’re having a meetin’ about selling your vulva, in a can, in a box,'” she said. “It suddenly seems so reasonable and everyday when you’re talking, but you get back to regular life and it’s like, Ha, there are like 100,000 replicas of my pussy floating around.”

USER EXPERIENCES

When I went looking for Fleshlight users, nearly 200 people messaged me to voluntarily talk about their Fleshlight experiences.

“It felt a lot better than I thought it would, which kind of depressed me tbh,” one Fleshlight user told me. “Made me miss actual physical intimacy. Hence why I only used it like 5 times.”

I offered all of them anonymity in order to speak freely about their private, sexual experiences, and asked the ones who requested anonymity to explain why they didn’t want to be named. Almost all of them cited some element of social stigma or shame.

The overwhelming majority of these people were male-identifying. Many said they were lapsed Fleshlight or non-Fleshlight pocket pussy enthusiasts—guys who told me they’d been gifted a masturbation sleeve of some kind, years ago, or bought one on a whim, and used it once or twice before casting it aside again. Several cited the difficulty of cleaning the Fleshlight for why they don’t use it more.

At least three cited some hazing ritual in college, or sharing one pocket pussy with an entire group of male friends.

Several described feeling a sense of disgust with themselves after using it.

“Used it like 4 times, post nut clarity hit extra hard, & now it’s somewhere in my closet soaked in semen & dust,” said one person.

Almost everyone who spoke to me said the feeling of masturbating into a fake vagina is nothing like the real thing.

“They’re billed as lifelike, and they simply are not,” one said. “Of course! It’s a chunk of rubber at the end of the day. It’s not a bad thing, they feel good.”

A few men told me that they use Fleshlights due to physical disability, to increase stamina, or conditions that make it difficult for them to have sex otherwise. One said he bought his online when he was 22. Because he has cerebral palsy, finding sexual partners is difficult. A Fleshlight, he thought, would make imagining the experience more vivid.

“It was what I expected, but it was also more difficult to enjoy for me as my hand would cramp from using the plastic container thing it came with for extra suction,” he said. “As a disabled user, it allowed me the freedom and knowledge that sex toys were definitely for me! It helped me deal with some of the loneliness that I was experiencing.”

I also spoke with Dan Cooper, senior editor at Engadget, about his experience reviewing a Fleshlight Launch—the company’s digital product made with teledildonics company Kiiroo, that moves up and down on its own, in tandem with porn scenes. Cooper’s childhood phimosis (a condition that causes over-tightening of the foreskin) led to him needing a medical circumcision, which he said gave him limited sensitivity during sex or masturbation.

“Even as someone who thinks of themselves as sex-positive, I’ve always held the view that Fleshlights were a bit sad,” Cooper told me. “I’d assumed that they wouldn’t have worked with my broken genitals, but it was revelatory how effective (and fun) they are to use.”

A few wives and girlfriends told me why they bought their male partners Fleshlights as gifts. Their stories usually involved buying masturbators as a couple, to use while traveling or in long-distance relationships. Some said they were gifts to use during military deployments.

Karabella, a trans woman and porn performer, told me that she first encountered a Fleshlight in 2012, on her first big production shoot. “I’d never even heard of a ‘pocket pussy’ before, but [the director] pulled out a brand new one and handed it to me,” she said. “It wasn’t exactly inviting when I first slid into the butthole-shaped slit of cold silicone, so I initially started to lose my erection. However, as it began to warm up around me it was increasingly difficult to differentiate between it and real flesh.” Seven years later, using a Fleshlight has become a staple of her cam shows and performances.

HOW IT’S MADE

Beyond what’s publicly available on the Fleshlight website, specific details about the production of Fleshlights are a closely-guarded company secret. No one outside the company seems to know what the soft, skin-like material—trademarked as “Real Feel SuperSkin”—is made out of.

Kristen Kaye, Fleshlight’s Head of Business Development until late last month when she left the company, said that the material “is indeed proprietary.” She told me she believes it is biodegradable, and “made of natural materials, mostly.”

The closest I came to finding the secret recipe for SuperSkin was through the founder of FleshAssist.com, a website devoted to all things Fleshlight and masturbators. A 24-year old web developer who goes by the pseudonym John started FleshAssist in 2014 after years spent frequenting Fleshlight forums. He told me in an email that ever since buying his first name-brand Fleshlight at 20 years old, he was “hooked.”

John told me that SuperSkin, as far as he’s aware, is made from “amorphous polymers,” a mixture of PVC and silicone. It’s similar to CyberSkin, another type of thermoplastic faux-skin material used in lots of non-Fleshlight brand sex toys and dolls (but not patented, like SuperSkin).

“The trick with softer materials is that they will inevitably not feel as velvety or suede-y as harder silicone,” Emily Sauer, founder of sex wearable company Ohnut, told me. “So there is in the development of the product, there is a constant battle between, you know, does it feel too sticky? Does it feel gross in any way? There’s a very fine line.”

“The hand is just way easier. Boner. Hand. Done. It’s that simple.”

Micropores in the Fleshlight’s PVC make their “skin” more realistic to the touch, but also can never be fully, truly sterilized once it’s used. The top complaint I heard from all of the Fleshlight users I spoke to was that it’s too hard to clean to use regularly.

“That’s really gross to me that guys don’t even rinse them out right after, now I’m thinking about it,” Kaye said. “How hard it would be to clean…. If you were to let things dry in there, how disgusting that would be?”

After our call, I borrowed a friend’s (unused) Fleshlight to find out for myself. It’s relatively easy to unscrew the pieces and take apart, and there’s a hole in both ends of the removable soft sleeve to run water through it. As In Bed Magazine’s YouTube review notes, the most inconvenient part of cleaning is leaving it out to dry in the open long enough that you can safely store it without worrying about mold growing in a wet, airtight can—but not so long that your roommates or family stumble across a silicone worm with a vulva on the end of it.

“I think it just comes down to laziness, to be honest,” Kaye said about why people don’t regularly clean their Fleshlights.

According to my very informal online polling, she’s right.

“The biggest annoyance for me was the clean up,” Twitter user and self-proclaimed “vaginal aficionado” @BurlClooney said. Burl first heard about Fleshlight on an episode of Joe Rogan’s podcast, which had a partnership with the company from 2010 to around 2012, according to Rogan’s tweets at the time.

“Your semen goes down into a base at the bottom and you should really clean that shit immediately,” he said. “But, I usually just wanted to sleep right away and would leave it until the next day or I would forget until I next used it. It was absolutely fucking disgusting. The cum would turn a weird color and it was so gross to clean out then. However, I mainly stopped due to all the prep work. The hand is just way easier. Boner. Hand. Done. It’s that simple.”

BECOMING A ‘FLESHLIGHT GIRL’

Stoya told me she once fucked a man with a mold of her own silicone vagina.

“It was so like, bizarrely narcissistic, but kind of beautiful,” she said.

She’s featured in one of Fleshlight’s most popular product lines, the Fleshlight Girls. There are also Fleshlight Boys (anal molds), and Guys (dildos), all modeled after real porn performers’ anatomy. Fleshlight currently offers around 45 models of Fleshlight Girls, including Stoya, Riley Reid, Jessica Drake, and Kissa Sins.

“I was laughing and talking a lot, and they told me to be careful, because your asshole actually moves a little bit when you laugh.”

Becoming a Fleshlight Girl is a career goal for many in the industry. Kaye, who led the selection of Fleshlight models, told me that three or four years ago the performer’s popularity rank on Pornhub, for example, would have been a deciding factor. Now, she looks at a variety of metrics—social media following, engagement online, how entrepreneurial and invested they are in their own success.

As secretive as the SuperSkin material recipe is, the process of molding a real vulva into SuperSkin is kept even more tight-lipped.

Fleshlight Girl Elsa Jean told me that the process of getting her custom mold done involved going to the Fleshlight headquarters in Austin and having someone cast a mold of her vulva and anus. Fleshlight models’ genitalia are also photographed using a 3D camera, and the final mold is hand-sculpted by a professional artist to get the details as accurate as possible.

“For my butthole, I had to go into a doggy[-style position],” Jean said. “I was laughing and talking a lot, and they told me to be careful, because your asshole actually moves a little bit when you laugh.”

Once they’re finished making the silicone mold, the models are given the product to check out. When Stoya saw a Fleshlight modeled after her own anatomy for the first time, the first thing she did was text a handful of her former lovers a photo of the silicone vulva. They’d know, she reasoned, if it was realistically accurate. (They said it was.)

“It was a very like, holy shit moment,” Stoya said. “You feel a bit like an action figure.”

Models are paid in royalties instead of a flat fee. The more that sell, the more money they personally make. For Stoya, being recruited for a Fleshlight of her own was a springboard into independence in the adult industry. “It’s what’s enabled me to start independent porn companies like Zero Spaces,” she said. “It’s sold well enough that it gives me the extra resources to do creative things.”

“Having my vagina and butthole on sale for people is actually pretty amazing,” Jean said. “Believe it or not, it was one of my goals when I first started in the industry. It’s as close as they can get to having the real thing.”

The actual objectification—turning a woman’s body into an object—involved in making a custom Fleshlight has brought the company, and anatomically-correct masturbation sleeves generally, some criticism.

“I don’t think it’s objectifying,” Lieberman said. “In fact, I’d even say that some Fleshlight designs actually depict women’s genitals beautifully, like a more commercialized version of a Georgia O’Keefe painting.”

I asked Stoya how she feels about the objectification criticism, as someone who’s worked in the adult industry as an actor, director, writer and business owner. Is the idea that hundreds of men could be fucking “her” right now weird at all?

After all, hundreds of people could be jerking off to her porn right now, too—and isn’t that kind of the same? Not at all, she said.

“People like don’t give a fuck largely about who’s doing the fucking [in mainstream porn], who’s coming up with the fucking, but with a Fleshlight—someone has looked [for me],” she said. “And even if they don’t know who I am, or my work, or care who I am as a person? They’ve still chosen my vulva. And that’s qualitatively different.”

People choose the Stoya Fleshlight because they’ve seen her work, or read something she’s written, or even just read the description on the product page of her persona, she said—and liked what they saw enough to pay $79.95 to fantasize about fucking her.

“That feels really humanizing,” Stoya said. “Whereas seeing one of my videos pirated on Pornhub with a sentence in the description that says, ‘Don’t mention the performers name so she can’t find this and get this removed’? That’s really dehumanizing, and really separates you from your work. With the Fleshlight, it’s the opposite.”

THE STIGMA

As the woman charged with marketing a plastic pussy to the masses, Kaye had a big job. And a huge part of that job, she told me, is overcoming the stigma attached to masturbation sleeves, and the men who buy them. Kaye’s worked in the adult industry—in advertising, consulting, and marketing—for 13 years, but for the last three with Fleshlight, she’s made it her mission to drag that shame out from under men’s beds and bring masturbation tools into the light.

“Unfortunately, for men, there are stigmas attached to using a masturbation device… because for whatever reason, if a guy’s masturbating or talks about masturbating, it’s like they’re not getting laid,” she said.

“For cis-gendered males, revealing you have a fleshlight gives implications that you can’t ‘get a girl’ on your own, which inhibits the positive ramifications of using sex toys,” one anonymous user told me. “In reality, they can help people explore what satisfies them, and healthily masturbating can relieve stress or just clear one’s mind, at least in my experience.”

“I feel like a lot of men feel ashamed or embarrassed for using one, but when you’re having a dry spell or not getting laid often, it’s very beneficial,” Twitter user @g0dsparadise said. “I have given Fleshlights as gifts in the past, I have told my closest friends about it, and I am hoping that one day it becomes very common to own one just because this whole stigma is ridiculous to me.”

Some pointed out a percieved double standard between male and female-gendered sex toys. “There’s an interesting dichotomy,” Cooper said. He attributed it to women’s sex toys being seen as “luxurious” and respected, while men’s typically aren’t. “But it all drills back to the idea that we should somehow be ashamed of sex.”

FleshAssist founder John told me that while the stigma itself isn’t as bad as it used to be, it still exists.

“I saw a comment before that said something along the lines of ‘a dildo looks potent, it shows that a woman doesn’t need a man,’ making it a symbol of female independence and empowerment,” John said. “I think if we flip that around, and say ‘a man with a masturbator shows that he doesn’t need a woman’ it doesn’t have the same resonance at all.”

Liberman said that she has noticed this stigma, too—and that despite toys like Fleshlight in the mainstream, it hasn’t changed much. “I think that’s because men are supposed to be self-sufficient and not need additional tools to get off,” she said. “Their hands are supposed to be all they need.”

THE FUTURE OF FUCKTOYS

It’s possible that the Fleshlight and other toys like it are a decent oracle for the future of sex.

If the analog Fleshlight was a step toward destigmatizing male sex toys, its interactive, internet-connected iteration could help bring virtual reality sex to the mainstream.

Fleshlight’s Launch device syncs automatic, motorized movement with interactive porn content. It’s a Fleshlight sleeve inside a casing shaped and sized like a wine chiller that moves the sleeve up and down in rhythm with the porn it’s synced with.

Fleshlight isn’t the first sex toy to combine porn, virtual reality, and a connected device that syncs the two. Around the time the earliest adult-themed virtual reality films were revealed, in 2015, people started wondering if porn would be the thing to finally push VR into the mainstream.

Sex toys that interact with film and VR open new worlds of transcending what your physical, corporeally-limited body could experience. Companies like Camasutra exist today that scan real humans into avatars for fuckability in virtual worlds. There’s no limit to what you can embody, sexually, in these virtual environments.

“The porn and sex-toy industries have always led the way in technological innovation: from the electrification of the vibrator in the late 19th century to the early adoption of VHS by porn directors,” Lieberman said. “VR and the Fleshlight are just extensions of this trend that stretches back all the way to the printing press and erotic literature.”

She attributes this innovation to a need for something novel. Putting your dick inside a mechanized stroker-bot certainly is that, and Fleshlight, as it chases the interactive trend, knows it.

As our identities become more openly fluid and less binary, so do our toys. Ohnut, another wearable, doesn’t look like anything anatomical at all. Even the color, a pale jade, is meant to evoke a neutrality without being skin-like. Like Kaye, Ohnut’s founder Sauer also mentioned the concept of enhancement. “It’s not trying to replace skin. It’s not trying to replace a person or anything. It enhances,” she said.

Sauer points to Tenga, a Japanese company that’s been making disposable soft strokers and sleeves since 2005, as an example of where the industry could continue heading: Toward a less gendered, more pleasure-centered future of sex. One of their products, the Tenga Egg, is a handheld stroker shaped like a gummy, hollow egg, and they’re sold inside Easter egg-hunt-shaped packaging.

“They’re de-misogynizing the male masturbator,” Sauer said. “[Tenga products] are so delightful, but they’re just as dirty. They’re meant to be thrown away, but they come in really fun patterns. And what’s less masculine than a white egg?”

“I think that sex toys now are moving away from realism: the idea that a person would only want to masturbate with a replica of genitals is kind of going away,” Lieberman said. “People are more focused on both the utility of a device (does it give me an orgasm) and the design: they want something that looks beautiful.” She noted that the Eva II vibrator by Dame, and Unbound’s Bean and Squish are geometric—not dick or vulva-shaped.

Fleshlight is no exception to this trend. According to Kaye, the Fleshlight Turbo, a newer, non-anatomical sleeve, is creeping up in reviews. It looks nothing like human anatomy. It doesn’t even come in “skin” colors—only “Blue Ice” and “Copper.” (However, a helpful cross-section of the Turbo labels where you’re meant to imagine the lips, throat and tongue would be.)

Screenshot via Fleshlight.com

“I think marketing the other stuff—the stuff that’s not like, pardon my French, fucking a rubber pussy—that’s how we’ve transitioned our marketing approach,” Kaye said. “The exact replica of the genitalia? I think that’s kind of getting tired. I see that the younger people are more inclined to get the stuff that’s non-anatomical, that’s a little more discreet.”

“The idea that a person would only want to masturbate with a replica of genitals is kind of going away.”

“There’s more of an acknowledgement that many people don’t fit into the gender binary and our toys should reflect that,” Lieberman said. “I think that gender neutral sex toys are popular now because sex toys always reflect the culture of the time they’re created in; they reflect the current gender norms…. I think this shift in sex toy design to gender neutral reflects both a profit motive and a desire for inclusivity.”

For some companies, this might be an inclusivity effort, but for others, “it’s a response to the fact that inclusivity can be profitable,” Comella said. “A business that de-genders vibrators or ‘queers’ sex toys also expands its potential market reach by eliminating labels that don’t have to be there in the first place.”

But for those who still want the visual illusion of another person, Fleshlight isn’t going anywhere.

“That’s the thing to always keep in mind with the adult industry: It’s the business of fantasy,” Stoya said. “It’s like magic or professional wrestling. The audience who enjoys it comes in, ready to suspend their disbelief.”

Lieberman believes that lifelike sex toys impact our sexuality mostly for the good. If you want the feeling of fucking a penis or vagina or butthole without another person attached to it, that option is available to us, here in the future.

“I’m not sure that our society is that much different for having the Fleshlight in the world,” Lieberman said. “But our society is better when more people are having orgasms, and since Fleshlights provide orgasms, then our society is a bit happier thanks to the device.”

The Fleshlight Is a Portal to the Future of Sex syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[shakeelanaz-blog]

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