#fake cinephile it just gets so tiring

[blossoms-phan]

y’all are fakeeeeee why did no one tell me about tim hortons or them going to the movie theatre mention in the preshow

[thedonttellshow-blog]

Maidstone - Norman Mailer (1970)

"You're dead. Dead. You're not Valeria no more, you're dead. I cut your heart out, you're dead, and I'm alive, and I'm young"

A pretentious film director wholes up for several days in some kind of ranch where he harasses and belittles actresses, while building himself up as the next POTUS to poor black kid and BBC reporters until it all inevitably goes awry. 

Norman Mailer was a very interesting man, mostly for the fact that I've heard him talk and debate for hours but never really heard him say anything interesting or even coherent; this film is no different really.

He creates a fictional version of himself, who he pays people to posit as a man so charmingly powerful that he MUST be destroyed. Then proceeds to wind everybody up around him with his inane waffle and bullying, and non-stop yabbering. 

About two thirds of the way through, even he seems to have grown tired of his own voice so starts seguing into pointless montages that seem to think themselves erotic or something...then he gets bored of pretending to be a pretentious arse so whips of his shirt and ta-dah...becomes himself, a pretentious arse with his tits out in short shorts babbling about how fake hollywood is and how reality is a beer gut jigging in a field...

Then we get a montage of everybody wandering in a daze as if his insights are so earth-shattering that they can crack a human mind...and you begin to realise this was all just an elaborate exercise in dragging everybody down to his grunting incoherent boxing gloved level...the end result being Rip Torn finally losing whatever sense he had and twotting Mailer with a hammer...a perfect ending to a far from perfect experiment.

Okay, I've taken the piss a bit but there are some nuggets of truth in there. Like his seeming comment on how film-makers and politicians are all wealthy arseholes playing mind games with real people's lives and how it's all about sex in the end. So, I'll give him that, and I guess he did succeed in turning Rip Torn into a version of himself; that actual moment of realisation is hilarious as well. 

But, for the most part; meh

4/10

#maidstone #normanmailer #obscuretuesdayreviews #docudrama #avantgarde #riptornhammerattack #reviewsonrealism #thedonttellshow #moviereview #cinephile 

[sowhatisthisfor]

Cinemalaya must-haves: your movie marathon survival kit

I’ve been following this film festival for more than 10 years now and when you regularly binge watch that long, you know that surviving a 10-day movie marathon is not that easy. Five films on a big screen in a day could really tire you out.

I am quite meticulous when watching movies, and I don’t want my weariness to affect my thoughts about the film. So here is a list of things that I make sure I have to bring:

1. Cinemalaya Film Festival Guide

Definitely a must-have. You wouldn’t want to keep walking around the Cultural Center to find which film is showing where. This festival guide is your bible. It has the synopses of the films, important dates for special screenings and ceremonies, and most importantly the schedule. Make sure you plot your sched ahead so you could maximize your festival experience and watch as many as you can. For this year, I’ve plotted 30 full-length films and 12 short films. Stick to your plan to avoid having to change your sched again and again, and in the end, fail to watch one or two films as initially planned. Don’t get too excited to watch a film just because everyone’s raving about it. You’ll have your turn, watch at your own pace.

2. Festival Pass/tickets

Every year, I make sure I get my all-access pass to make my life easier. Through the years, Cinemalaya crowd is getting bigger and bigger. And the more audience it attracts, the more people line up to get tickets. I try to avoid long queues only to learn that tickets are already sold out. It is best to get your season pass or to buy tickets ahead. There are two types of season pass: Films-in-Competition (FIC) which is obviously your access to competing films, and the All-Access Pass which is again obviously your access to all movies including exhibition ones. Both passes offer priority lane so you could get in the theatre first to have your best spot. 

3. Eyeglasses/contact lens lubricant

Because how can you not wear your eyeglasses when you’re watching 5 films a day on a big screen? This is literally your Marcos, never forget.

4. Tawid-gutom package (Hunger-buster)

Staying at the venue for more than 12 hours means starving. Therefore, bring your tawid-gutom package to avoid spending too much on food. Remember that food concessionaires sell food twice pricier, and you would want to save up a little in the 10 days that you spend there. My usual package includes Skyflakes, Fita Biscuits, Yoghurt, and a take-out before I head to the venue. Sometimes I bring Subway, Japanese, or even packed hotdog bites. Some regulars I see bring nuts. Keep in mind that it is not allowed to bring food inside the theatres, so consider that before thinking of bringing your Kaldereta.

5. Pantulak (Drinks)

If there’s food, you also need drinks. Self-explanatory. Don’t dry your mouth. I make sure I have at least a litre of water. Occasionally, I trade my water for Yakult, or coffee when needed. But before going to the venue, I make sure I already had at least two cups of coffee. But drink moderately, you wouldn’t want to step out of the theatre while the movie is rolling just because of your constant need to pee.

6. Toothbrush + Toothpaste

There are food and drinks, so of course, there should be these too. Staying the whole day means eating and drinking, don’t kill your seatmate by not brushing your teeth the whole day. Believe me, I’ve sat many times next to a ridiculously bad-breath monster. I mean, bring mints at least? 

Also, I make sure I brush my teeth regularly, because it refreshes me, and refreshed also means comfortable. And I need to be in my comfiest when I watch a film for a maximum viewing experience.

7. Camera

I don’t really bring this often because I can use my phone camera. But when I see that one or two of my favourite directors or artists are possibly coming to the festival during their gala nights, I bring this to make sure I get the best shots. Anti-millennials though, you have to brace yourself for ultimate millennial selfies everywhere.

8. Book

Save yourself from boredom and social exhaustion, bring something to keep you busy when waiting for the next screening. This is my anti-social apparatus. My earphones don’t work anymore – people still talk. But with a book, I can’t count the number of times people left me alone when I have all my attention to it. When you’re a cinephile, the tendency is that you know a lot of other cinephiles too, and cinephiles flock film festivals. Sometimes you love to just talk to them and talk about every film, but sometimes you are exhausted enough to even open your mouth. If it is the latter, go get your book, read or fake that you’re reading, and observe how peaceful your life would be.

9. Travel pillow

Nope, I’m not going anywhere, but yep I need my travel pillow. Again, comfort is key. I don’t want to be hating a film just because my neck is already sore. You can thank me later.  Bring a small travel pillow, not the super comfy one because we wouldn’t wanna hear snoring in a theatre. 

10. Medicines

Lastly, bring your “first aid kit”. Extreme headache happens to me at least once every Cinemalaya year. Shaky hand-held cameraworks are inevitable in movies, believe me, your eyes will tire at some point. Also, theatres at the Cultural Center aren’t perfect. One is even meant for studio plays and not very conducive for movie marathons. Bring your painkiller with you and pop one once your eyes and head start cursing you. As for me, I bring meds for my ulcer, anxiety, and allergies too.

There you have it, my 10 Cinemalaya must-haves. What’s yours?