#facelessfinest

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Worst Wolverine will never have to ask Wade for rough sex, all he has to do is look him in the eyes and say "Honda Odyssey" then go wait in the bedroom.

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Jiglup is the single funniest thing in the world to me because these two grown men look each other in the eyes every day of their lives and decide "Nah, I love this guy a little too much to fuck him."

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Honestly I think if you made a "nygma balls" joke to the Riddler he would just keel over and fucking die like a fragile Victorian gentleman.

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Kinda fucking sucks that the current state of acceptable sexual displays means that grown ass adults can write toxic smut novels for minors but Deadpool and Wolverine can't have sex in their rated R movie.

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Headcanon that Jigen does not handle being sick well. I'm talking delirious, can barely move, two seconds away from a hospital visit, and it is one of the only times he will fully allow Lupin to pamper him.

Anytime he feels a cold coming on, it doesn't even matter if they've just had screaming match turned fist fight, he'll go and lay with Lupin and just let himself be taken care of. There's always a fluffy pair of pajamas, plenty of vix, chucken soup, and a medicinal bath waiting for him. Lupin doesn't like seeing Jigen sick, but he can't deny how lovesick he gets when he touches Jigen's face to feel his temperature, and Jigen instinctively leans into his touch. He won't remember most of what happens once he's better, so Lupin takes full advantage of every second he get to say he loves him without the consequences.

Jigen remembers the I Love You's though. They might go to the grave with him if he doesn't say something eventually.

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Lupin III: The First was my first introduction to the series, but Lupin Zero is by far my favorite, because I feel like it easily could have lead to a completely different reality for Lupin and Jigen than what we have in the rest of the series. I firmly believe that if the two of them hadn't parted between the events of Lupin Zero and Part 1, they would be together.

As teens, they're still quite true to their adult selves, but they're not as hardened, they're more honest with themselves and each other. Jigen especially had a lot of bad experiences and cruel teachers in their years apart that have made him as emotionally constipated as he is, and his refusing to admit feelings for Lupin is a big part of the reason they aren't together; Lupin has a respect for Jigen's boundaries that few people have earned from him.

But if they had never parted? If Lupin had stuck just as close to the gloomy little boy whose heart he stole? If Jigen hadn't been forced to finish growing up before he was ready? I don't think that Jigen could have kept his crumbling walls up for much longer. Eventually they would lock eyes one day and both realize that there was nowhere else they would rather be.

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Yeah, yeah, Zero Lupin half flirting half teasing with Jigen and embarrassing him is great and all, but Jigen catching Lupin completely off guard by clapping back with a response that goes far beyond teasing territory and straight into "Yeah, i like you, so what?" and making Lupin realize his heart belongs to Jigen just as much as Jigen's belongs to him?

Chef's fucking kiss.

That's the good shit.

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*holds you at gunpoint*

If Jigen and Lupin got engaged, who would propose, how would it go, what would the rings look like?

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Hey, Jigen...

Jigen is already standing in wait when the door swings open, but a guard doesn't come through. Instead, a limp form is tossed into the cell and hits the floor hard with a pained moan. Then the door slams shut again.

The split second of brightness destroyed Jigen's adjustment to the pitch black within the confines of his little domicile, so he cautiously approaches the area where the person is laying.

"You alright, kid?" He snaps gruffly, his voice a little deeper than it naturally is.

He inches closer, but quickly pulls back when his foot lands in a puddle that wasn't there before and nearly slips out from under him.

"The hell?" He grumbles, crouching and squinting down at the mysterious liquid.

His new cell mate shifts ever so slightly, and the whispered words they speak hit him at the same time as the smell of blood.

"Hey, Jigen..."

Without a word, Jigen leaps into action, feeling around until he's fully located Lupin, then taking him under the shoulders, and quickly dragging him to the back of cell, leaning him against the wall.

"You idiot." He hisses, but it's dripping with worry instead of venom.

Kneeling down and feeling Lupin's torso, he turns the attempted response into a yelp of agony as his hand presses into the stab wound on the thief's side. 

Emotions aren't typically an issue for Jigen, but he has to force down the boiling rage he's feeling in this moment to focus on searching for further injuries. 

"Talk." He murmurs, cringing apologetically as his fingers drag against another gash, drawing a tortured gasp from Lupin.

He can hear the thief swallow hard, each breath hissing between clenched teeth as he struggles to speak.

"Fujiko and Goemon?"

Jigen shakes his head, stripping the thief of his suit jacket and button up.

"I know they're alive, but that's it. No one's talked to me since they decided I didn't know where you were."

He can see significantly better now, but it's not a pretty sight.

Lupin's awfully banged up, bruises litter his face and torso, and there's three stab wounds oozing blood onto Jigen's admittedly shaky hands. They've been through stuff like this before, but it's more stressful without proper supplies or lighting, and most importantly when they still aren't safe from the party responsible. 

"What about y-you?" Lupin gasps.

Jigen says nothing, takes note of the positioning of the injuries first; one just beneath Lupin's ribs, the other just above his hip, and the last one, the worst one, strategically placed at his side, where there's little chance of having hit anything vital.

It's broader than the other two, gaping open in a way that tells Jigen that the attacker kept twisting the knife.

Gritting his teeth so hard he can almost taste sparks, Jigen takes Lupin's tattered shirt, and folds it up, pressing it against the three wounds. Lupin growls, unconsciously trying to pull away.

Jigen scooches closer to him, putting an arm around Lupin's waist to keep him close, and holding the shirt tightly against the thief.

Blood is quickly dampening the fabric, but the bleeding looks to be slowing down at least.

"You've got to have something on you." Jigen huffs. "A pin, or something I can use to stitch these up."

Lupin frowns, his head lolling against Jigen's shoulder.

"Nothin'. They s-searched...every inch of me."

His whole body seizes with the effort of trying to laugh. He quickly stops trying.

And now he's just laying there, limp against Jigen and uncomfortably silent. 

Jigen swallows hard, biting back the urge to try and kick down the door, because for that, he'd have to get up, and leave Lupin bleeding alone.

"What did they want?" He growls.

Lupin looks up at him, searching his expression. Jigen refuses to meet his eyes.

"Whatever it was we were looking for, I can't remember." Lupin stops to cough, and Jigen wipes away the blood at the corner of his mouth. 

Giving a shuddering sigh, Lupin continues. "I wouldn't have told them even if I knew. 'S never worth it."

Sighing, he tried to move closer to Jigen, trembling all the while.

Jigen stopped him entirely, then carefully took him by the shoulders and lay him back, resting the man's head in his lap.

He refolded the shirt and pressed it neatly back to Lupin's side, his other hand gently running through Lupin's hair.

He looked down at his beloved thief with somber eyes. 

Perhaps Lupin might have joked about the intimacy of it all, but he was just..tired. So tired. 

His whole body ached, but it hurt less when Jigen's rough hands coddled him so gently. He closed his eyes, preening under the affection.

"I'm gonna fix this, Jigen." He whispered hoarsely. "And then all four of us are gonna go to a stupidly expensive hotel, stuff our faces like we'll never see food again, and just...sleep. All in one big bed, cuddling like puppies."

He had a stupid, pained grin on his face, and thankfully he couldn't see the equally goofy smile his partner wore.

"Sound good?" He wheezed.

"Throw in a pack of cigarettes and I'm in." Jigen chuckled.

Lupin nodded weakly, still smiling. 

"Biggest pack of cigarettes you've ever fuckin' seen, marksman.

"I'm looking forward to it, thief."

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I like hitting characters with the Stupid Himbo beam just for the fuck of it sometimes.

Bam! Lupin can't wrap presents, if he's ever given something it's in the box it came in or it looks like a racoon tried to eat the paper.

Pow! Goemon can't use any blade that's not his perfectly honed Zantetsuken, he's committed serial arson by pure accident while trying to make a sandwich with a butterknife.

Zip! Jigen is gay.

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Jigen: When we were younger I really wanted to fuck your dad.

Lupin:

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In one of those soulmate mark aus, Jigen would have Lupin's handprint on his chest, just over his heart.

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I'm better than the jiglup furries because I know that if Lupin were any kind of anthro with a tail he would not be able to do doggystyle with Jigen because he wouldn't be able to stop his tail from wagging and smacking him in the face.

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I've been learning to roller skate, and I go to Skate City, where there is always a "DJ". The DJ doesn't actually get to pick the music, the playlist is predetermined, but mainly their job is just to skate around the rink making sure everyone is ok and following rules.

Anyways, I've been there exactly four times now and my favorite DJ is a man I call Peter Parker.

This man looks EXACTLY like Andrew Garfield, and he has the grace and skill on the skate floor that you would expect from a spiderman, it is a genuine joy to watch him skate, because you can tell when he likes the music; bro will start jamming out like he's the last janitor alive in the apocalypse, I've never seen someone dance that well while also having to skate too, it's amazing.

Today, I fell flat on my ass while skating and heard a loud crack from my tailbone. Peter Parker comes over, asks if I'm ok, goes through a few routine movements to make sure I haven't broken anything, then he helps me to my feet, ties my skate for me, and he's gone, zipped halfway across the skate floor with a deft prowess I can only dream of.

Moral of the story, thanks Peter Parker, you're genuinely awesome, everytime I get too scared of falling to want to skate, my passion for learning is revived by seeing you do like five spins in quad skates that should not be able to move like that. God speed my dude.

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Hiatus

If you commissioned me, it will be about a month before I get your fic to you, I need to lay low online right now as I apparently am being stalked.

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Need someone to tell me all the characters and important facts about Naruto so that I can easily write all of that out of my fic where Lee and Sakura get to kiss.