#face your fears and all that crap ig

[fluffygiraffe]

I want to post art I HAVE been making, but I feel terrible doing so. It's why I have completely stopped, it makes me sick to my stomach so I thought if I stop, it'll stop. But my anxiety hasn't gotten better so I might just do it anyway.

[angsty-twihardxx]

Hi🥀,

I was wondering if you can write Tommy has reader sit in front of a mirror and Tommy is behind reader. He decides to finger reader in front of the mirror while having reader being forced to watch themselves by holding reader by the throat. He makes them come a couple of time and the reader squirts to. Also, he praises reader a lot, does nipple play, a lot of neck kisses, and giving reader hickey’s

A/N: This drove me insaaaane, I just had to do it to em, I’ve added this to a lil series with inexperienced reader. It can be read as its own stand alone fic, bit it also works as a sequel to the first, Riding Lessons.

Anyway I hope this tames you horny beasts, plz feel free to send me some more smut ideas/requests for this sexy Texan. No use of y/n. My apologies if this is crap, I’m just built that way ig *shrugs

Warnings: 18+ (minors go play Fortnite or sm) smut obvi, fingering, reader squirts good for her. Idk if this is deserves a warning but reader is very new to sex, but its okay because Tommy is very reassuring. Mentions of body issues, talk of not feeling good enough that kinda jazz. But again don’t worry Tommy makes ya feel good. Ya‘lol are beautiful and ily

P.S: My computer decided to die so we have to do this on mobile so wish me luck x

EYES ON ME | T.MILLER

*his lil smirk*

You thought that maybe you were having a panic attack by how tight your chest felt, your heart was beating way faster than you usually would first thing in the morning. Sitting up you wiped the thin layer of precipitation off your head, which usually only ever happened when you had a nightmare, which you definitely did not have.

Your thighs vibrated at the memory of your dream from before, Tommy’s warm grip that scratched against the soft doughy skin of your hips. His touch on you was hard, the polar opposite to what he had been the entirety of your relationship.

You didn’t realise how much you missed it, his thick fingers digging into you as he rocked your hips along his clothed thigh. Even though it had been nearly a week since the night of your first orgasm, it was all that you could think about. The way that your entire body shook as you were completely overwhelmed with pleasure, you wanted Tommy to make you feel like that again.

After stretching you rolled around to see his beautiful freckled face, but instead you were met with his cold pillow. The frown that began forming on your forehead weakened at the small crinkled piece of paper with his handwriting on it. ‘In town for breakfast, see you there.’

. . .

The morning air was still frosty despite the warm glow from the sun on your face and shoulders. Even though you were wrapped up in thick jackets, including one of Tommy’s very own button downs, you were still freezing. You found Tommy sitting on an old bench in front of large dining hall as he waited for you, his hands sat in his pockets as he turned to see you walking towards him. His moustache tipping upwards, returning your curt wave with a wide smile.

Everything just felt easier with him now, there was no sexual tension that was always weighing heavy on your shoulders every time he was around you. Not that there was any pressure ever with him, it was only ever pressure that you placed. On yourself out of fear.

There was no longer a voice in your head that pressured you into doing anything out of fear of being left for someone more experienced. None of that mattered now because the two of you were happy, you were happy. Even though you hadnt ‘gone all the way’, you still felt comfortable knowing that he would guide you.

His arm moved to wrap around your shoulders as you dropped down in the empty spot beside him, using his arm to pull you into his chest he pressed a soft kiss in your hair. “Here, managed to get one extra for you.” Tommy nudged your shoulder as he handed you the sandwich, still warm wrapped neatly in wax paper. Food came in plentifuls in Jackson, but if you wanted one of Maria’s freshly made sandwiches you’d had to get in early.

“Startin’ to think you might love her more than me.” Tommy chuckled to himself as he watched you devour the food like it was the first meal you’ve eaten in weeks, which was definitely not true. “Well I guess it comes down to your sandwich making abilities.” You quipped back in between bites.

“Looks like I don’t stand a chance.” Tommy pretended to pout before dropping his head into the crook of your neck. His moustache ticked the soft skin of your neck as he peppered you with kisses. “Oh baby, that reminds me, how did you sleep last night?” Tommy teased, knowing fully well how you slept. Only imagining what it was doing to you, when you sent stiff in his arms.

The main reason Tommy was up so early was due to the wet dream you seemed to be having. If neither of you had work today he would’ve done something about it.

Tommy adjusted himself, just the memory of your sleepy voice moaning his name had his blood rushing down to his dick. You were driving him insane, and you didn’t even have a clue. He cooed playfully as he watched your cheeks warm up, you simply nodded in response knowing that if you spoke your words would fail you.

“I sure hope so because I got a little plan for us tonight. How’s that sound baby? You up for another lesson?”

Your body stiffened as you felt his hand grasp tightly onto your thigh, darting your eyes around you checked to see if anyone was watching. Was he really doing this in the middle of town? “It’s alright darlin’ no one’s payin’ attention to us, what’d’ya say?” All you could concentrate on was how his breathe fanned against your ear as his rough hand tightened on your soft skin. All of it made your body crave him more, you couldn’t think of anything better. “I think that sounds perfect Tommy.” His grip on your leg softened, clapping against your denim jeans before standing up with a groan.

“Well in that case, I’ll see you tonight.” He sent a wink your way before turning to walk away, leaving you turned on to the max. He was going to be the death of you.

. . .

Your fingers rapped on top of the hardwood table as your eyes impatiently hovered by your front door, which remained unopened. As the hours ticked by, the more restless you were becoming. The second plate of food beside you had long gone cold, as did the arousal you had been harbouring onto all day.

You had now grown tired, after a long day working in the stables all you wanted to do was cuddle up with Tommy till you fell asleep.

You knew better than to be upset with him, he worked hard in Jackson. He made an effort to earn his keep, whether it was helping with patrols or assisting in construction. It made you happy knowing that he was finding his purpose in his new life, but it just felt at times that you were moved to the back burner.

It definitely didn’t help when you went upstairs to shower, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. To say it was a kick in the guts was an understatement. Even though looks wasn’t a priority in the post-apocalyptic world, you couldn’t help feeling inadequate. Your skin was flushed after standing under the hot water. Your hair was always messy, you wondered what Tommy saw cause it surely couldn’t have been what you were currently looking at. Could it?

It was a dangerous rope you were balancing on, you knew you had better things to be worrying about than your own appearance. You wish you could stop.

That was how you ended up in your bed, wrapped up in blankets with a book in your lap. Reading the small print you tried to keep your mind busy, so you didn’t get yourself again. You were so enthralled by your book that you didn’t even hear your front door open.

Tommy leant against the door frame as he watched you. He noticed the frown forming on your forehead, and the way your bottom lip stuck out. He felt so bad being late home again, Tommy was never good at time management, or maybe it was the fact that he could never so no.

Right when he was finishing up the barn he was constructing, Maria had come by and asked to see if someone could come and fix the light in the projector at the cinema. He knew he should’ve just left it and gone home to you, but he knew the guilt would’ve eaten away at him.

You were alerted of his presence when he cleared his throat, you saw him propped against the doorframe. He sent an apologetic smile your way, his brows tipping upwards when your eyes met. “M’sorry I’m late baby, I got caught up with some work.”

“It’s alright. Dinners in the oven by the way.” You murmured with a tight lipped smile, hoping he wouldn’t notice your teary eyes. “Thanks darlin’ I’ll pack it up for tomorrow. Maria made us some food as a thank you— which reminds me. They got some pretty good movies they salvaged, some space one I reckon you’ll enjoy.” Tommy smiled like a happy child before retreating to the kitchen, which was pretty perfect timing because he missed the way your smile dropped.

‘It’s just Maria, you have nothing to worry about.’ You tried convincing yourself but it was no use. Your eyes already began to water, Maria was nice— you liked Maria.

Like a cruel monologue your mind gave you a list of reasons why she was better than you. To start she was confident, being in charge of an entire commune she was smart and well liked by literally everyone. So it would make sense that Tommy would like her too right?

“Hey everythin’ alright in here?” Tommy startled you as he was suddenly behind you on the bed. You quietly tried to wipe the tears from your cheeks. “Y-yeah I’m alright. M’sorry just tired.”

Tommy tilted his head in a frown, he knew you better than to believe you. “C’mon talk to me darlin’” His hand fell to give your thigh a gentle squeeze, contrasting his grip on you this morning. You would do anything to be in that moment with him again, not like now where his sad eyes watched you intensely.

“I- it’s nothin’ Tommy.” You tried to shrug him off again, but of course it didn’t work. He cocked a sceptical brow your way, you hated how well he knew you.

“It’s so stupid.” You groaned into your palms, so embarrassed of your own stupid brain working against you. “I just- I don’t know what it is you even like about me, I mean let’s be real I’m nothing like half the girls in Jackson and I—“

Tommy’s lips muted the worrying in your mind, his lips danced with yours. You pressed back on his lips, when you kissed him it felt like nothing else mattered to you. Not some teenage insecurities, Tommy was a man not a stupid teenage boy— and even better he was your man.

“Now where’s all this coming from, hm?” He brought his hand up to cup your cheek, his soft brown eyes peered up at you like you could tell him everything. You could tell him everything, but that could wait, right now you just wanted him.

“It doesn’t matter, can you just kiss me?”

“That I can do.” He chuckled before bringing his lips back onto yours. You pushed hard with a fever, the fire being ignited inside you again as a moan escaped your lips. His hands grasped your cheeks, pushing you even closer to him if that was even possible. Tommy lifted you to straddle on his lap, as instinct your hips grinder on his crotch. God you wanted him so badly.

“Didn’t you say you had a little lesson planned for me?” You breathed into him between hunger-filled kisses. Tommy looked up at you in what seemed to be a mix of surprise and excitement, never did he see you so confident, he loved it.

The glint of mischief in his eyes returned, he took your clothes off in a fever. Your eyes fell to the ground out of instinct, avoiding your reflection in the mirror. You suddenly became hyper aware of how vulnerable you were, Tommy had never seen you completely naked before. He offered to sit in between his lap on the edge of your bed. “Y’know I think you're beautiful right? I mean can you blame me?”

His large hands softly climbed up your side till his fingers danced along your shoulders as he moved the strand of hair that exposed the nape of your neck. You felt like a lightning bolt struck through your core as his lips sucked onto you softly.

You let out a moan as his free hand moved to grasp your entire breast in one hand, he kneaded the soft skin and the familiar feeling of arousal pooled in between your legs. Tommy noticed how your legs clenched when he flicked your now budded nipples. Soft moans mewled from your open mouth as your head fell back onto his shoulder.

“Nu-huh baby, I want your eyes on me.” Tommy tapped your cheek, bringing your attention back to the room. You looked at him confused, “But I- I am—“

“‘Not at me, me.” Tommy nodded his head towards the mirror in front of you- “‘Oh.”

“Can I try somethin’ else with you baby?” You felt a shiver down your spine as he whispered into your ear, his eyes met yours in the mirror. “What is it?”

Without answering Tommy pushed your knees to the side, exposing your eager pussy. “D’you trust me baby?”

“‘Yes.” You murmured as you felt your body tremble in nerves but also as much eagerness. There wasn’t anything you wanted more right now than Tommy’s hands on you.

Your skin burned as his rough fingers grazed the inside of your thigh, you followed his fingers in the mirror as he moved painfully slowly to where you needed him the most. Your hips bucked against his touch, showing him exactly where you wanted those fingers.

“So eager darlin’”

“Tommy please.” You whined as your back curving instinctively, rocking your hips against where his dormant fingers laid dangerously close to your exposed cunt.

You let out a surprised gasp, his thick fingers filled you up perfectly. He started off soft, slowly easing in his middle finger as he let you adjust to him. “H-holy shit Tommy.” You breathed as his free hand moved to slowly massage your aching clit. “Yeah? That feel good baby?” He smiled wickedly into your hair as you nodded frantically, pleasure already filling you up as your head dropped back onto his shoulder, but snapping your head up as you remembered his instructions. “Tell me how good it feels darlin’” Tommy’s voice was at least an octave lower, sending more chills down your spine.

“S’really fucken good Tommy.” You gasped as you felt his finger stretching you open, if this was how good it felt to have his fingers in you you could only imagine what his dick would feel like.

Pressure in your stomach began to build as his pace quickened. You felt your orgasm coming quicker then last time, you welcomed it as you rocked your hips involuntary pushing his finger in deeper.

“That’s it baby, y’doing so fucken good.” He brought his mouth down to suck at the soft skin on your neck, while his hand pumped into you relentlessly. “Tommy!” You screamed as you felt your orgasm unravel throughout your entire body, your pussy clenching around his finger as he kept going.

You were a shivering mess, only a mixture of whines and ‘oh my gods’ falling from your already parted mouth.

Your legs still trembled as Tommy soothed you, his hand brushing back the strands of hair that stuck to your forehead. “Good job baby, you did so good for me.” He cooed into your hair, pressing gentle kisses as your chest heaved.

That was when you realised, nothing else mattered. Tommy was the one making you feel this good, no one else. He cemented that as he repeated in your ear how much he loved you, his facial hair tickling your already sensitive skin as he did so. God you really did love this man, huh?

“Y’reckon you could go again for me?”

All you could was nod in response, your mind feeling like it was going a million miles a minute. He didn’t start straight away though, he was patient with you. He waited for your heart to start beating at a normal pace before bringing his fingers back to your aching hole, you watched as he added another finger.

Filthy moans filled the air as you adjusted to his extra finger inside you, you felt like you were being stretched open. Already your hips were shaking, his thick fingers felt like they were hitting your cervix. It was almost hypnotic, watching the way his fingers would disappear in between your folds before pulling back out just as swiftly.

His free hand remained glued to your now swollen clit, as he menacingly taunted it with his rough fingers. Only egging on your climax more and more.

No words fell from your lips anymore, Tommy had basically turned you into a writhing mess as your stomach tightened.

For a very brief moment it felt like you weren’t a world where you had to survive with Cordyceps and people that hunted and killed, it was simply you and Tommy in this room. That was how you wanted it.

The feeling was getting so intense you shut your eyes out of instinct. With your eyes closed you could concentrate on the way your hips rocked with each thrust of his hand, you knew you weren’t going to last long.

“Eyes up, I want you to watch.” Tommy growled as his free hand moved up to envelope your neck, not hard but enough to bring your head up to catch a glimpse of your position in the mirror. His thick fingers around you shouldn’t make you even more aroused, should it?

“Good girl.” He was going to be the death of you.

“Fuck!” Your eyes squinted shut as you felt the tight knot in your stomach unravelled again, but this time it was so much better. Almost like a gush erupted from you. Your ears rang as your eyes squinted shut, suddenly overly aware of the bright light that overhang your bed.

Your second orgasm in a row felt like a hundred times more intense, it felt like your whole body was vibrating. Like you were going a million miles a minute, or maybe it was the room that was spinning.

“You okay baby? You did so good for me.” His voice was soft as he turned to face you properly now, his eyes checked you over one last time. He looked at you with nothing short of amazement and you wish that he never stopped.

After a few seconds you came back to, your eyes just stuck to the ceiling as your chest heaved while you tried to catch your breath. Then you noticed the warmth pooling on your bedsheets, Tommy noticed your confusion and gave you a reassuring squeeze.

“You fucken squirted baby.” He breathed out in amazement.

“Bet you never knew you could do that.” Tommy hummed in amusement as he looked down to where he held you. Your cheeks were rosy as your half-lidded eyes connected with his, a dopey smile grew on his lips.

“If I did I would’ve brought a towel.” You couldn’t help the laugh that fell from your lips, amusement filling the room as the two of you chuckled together. You loved how easy it was for the two of you, even after he stole a second orgasm from you he could make you laugh. It was his Texan charm, according to Tommy but you knew it was just him.

“C’mon darlin’ let’s get you cleaned up.” He pressed a chaste kiss on your cheek before standing up with you in front of him, your legs quivered as you stood up for the first time in what felt like forever. “Tommy? I don’t think I can walk.” You looked up at him with worry, was this normal?

“It’s okay baby, it means I’m doing my job right.”

He thought about what you were saying when he found you crying in your bed, how you didn’t know what he saw in you. There was never just one singular thing, a multitude of reasons that he loved you. And the fact you didn’t see a reason why he would love you dumbfounded him. He was going to do everything in his power to make sure you knew.

[weirdcat1213]

volume 9 you say....hmm

i fear for my life to be completely honest

anyway HERE WE GO HERE ARE THE THOUGHTS

chap 1:

-geesus no pls no i dont wanna read anymore

-FLASHBACK TIME :D WIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

-3 days of crying is nothing when youre a trigun fan, am i right people :'D

-no im not fucking suffering cuz while all of that is happening the only thing on his mind is young livio NO IM FINE I SWEAR-

-lmao yeah wolfwood call him out >:D

-"you cant understand how i feel" my brother in christ YOURE SURROUNDED BY ORPHANS

-hmmmmmmmmm i mean im not sure if that applies here but who am i to tell him how he feels, sure buddy. happy for you

-geesus man not the dog, like....WHY THE DOG (i think ik why but still)

-tbh i would also go and ask for an explanation

-nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :c

-ah shit so we're here now oh fuck oh shit okokok cool

-ah yes, sweet bait actually, makes me cry every time

-"once this ark scare is over we'll be living the high life" yeaaaahhhh....about that.....

-YO LEAVE THE ORPHAN ALONE DAMN

-thanks livio :3

chap 2:

-about his age i think hes on his 20s mentally but he looks like hes on his 30s, so hes still an adult but yknow...younger

-oh his eye :0 i love that tiny window between his glasses and his face where you can see his eyes, makes me sad every time

-the coolest mf

-"worse" you say...i wonder who did that to him...

-fuck off, take those fucking tears somewhere else old man

-OOOOOOHHHHH THAT PANEL!!! SO GOOD SO GOOD

-THANKS AGAIN LIVIO (livio's good actions counter: 2 so far) BUT FUCK THAT OLD MAN

chap 3:

-:c

-HES THERE AND HES COMING I PROMISE

-STFU I SWEAR SHUT UP WOLFWOOD PLS JUST ENJOY YOUR STUPID CIGARRETE

-oh ok yeah here we go

-GEESUS MAN, i hope someone kick you ass later

-aw livio noooooo :c

-NAH NO PLS NO BROTHER FIGHT NO NO

-damn

chap 4:

-no that fucking title while theyre bleeding holy crap no stop it nightow stop it

-leave my man alone plsssssssssssssssss

-OH I FUCKING FELT THAT. WOLFWOOD REACHING FOR ANOTHER MAGAZINE AND LIVIO SHOOTING AT THE SAME MOMENT. I FELT THAT

-oh thats...thats kinda hot actually (i say while wolfwood fights for his little life)

-i love nightow taking his fucking time. yes sir i will enjoy a page of the vial dropping from his mouth without any dialogue, thank you sir

-PAIN :D

-SHUT UP OLD MAN

-"please survive"................................im gonna need a million years

chap 5:

-VASH BABY WHERE ARE YOU I NEED YOU

-demon....while hes killing his bro.....i have a limit thats all im saying

-ITS CALLED LOVE BITCH

-HE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THE HONOR HE JUST WANTED TO PROTECT HIS HOME WTF

-STOP TALKING AND KILL HIM MAN CMONNNN

-oh....he looks so pretty tho. likes he came back to life and is surrounded by his servants....damn that goes hard...

-oh yeah, that arm that had no explanation whatsoever. its ok tho, nightow gets a pass

-ah fuck.....hes here...

-yeap, you could say thats a demon ig

chap 6:

-AH YES SAD FLASHBACK IN MENTAL PALACE MAKES ME GO BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. ONE OF THE BEST THINGS EVER IM TELLING YA :D

-im sorry

-im jumping through the window idc anymore. poor livio man

-"fortitude".........yeah.....

-yeap that is scary as hell RUN WOLFWOOD GET TF OUTTA THERE

-DONT SMILE LIKE THAT YOU FREAK

-NONONONONONON SHUT UP WOLFWOOD SHUT UP

-STOPPPPPPPPPPPP

-STOPL PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE

-DIOS IM NOT STRONG ENOUGH

-orange if you animate this i will punch you but also kiss you in the lips

-i wonder what he means with that bell thats supposed to be tolling. hmmm. maybe its like a "hey come back to reality" kind of alarm thats not sounding

nightow you amazing bastard

[nerrissadevampyre]

Okay i mean sometimes my mom knows full well that I have an acne problem and that I can't stand the thought of someone seeing me even slightly unconvered in a romantic setting bc I've seen so many people go "acne is so antiaesthetic" surprisingly more times for girls/femme presenting people than boys/male presenting people and it's getting a LOT on my nerves.

Not only no one my age is interested in approaching me irl for a date and not just find a place to fuck, they'll also run at the sight of the scars and the only thing she can say to me is: "don't treat it medically bc those meds are going to be terrible for your health. I had acne until I was 42."

Excuse me but I'm pushing ppl away bc of that fear, I'm not even allowing myself the distraction of sex just bc of that thing, so forgive me if I'm saying that this is terrible for my health enough already. When you were young, it was more tolerated, and it kind of isn't now. When the closest you've ever come to caring for a person that's not family says offhandedly that acne is absolutely hideous and even though you know that it wasn't meant for you, how tf am i supposed to feel about mine that JUST. WON'T. STOP.

And it's fucking painful.

You can't lie on your back bc the acne hurts, all the t-shirts are full of blood stains, and ofc you can't wear revealing clothing and risk the pimples popping and bleeding in public.

You can't sleep on your side either bc the face acne hurts like hell and the pillows are also full of blood stains.

I've not been to the sea in 7 years now out of fear that people will see it. I've not let anyone see past the scars on my shoulders, always wearing the dresses other people wear at clubs at home and when I'm alone, completely alone.

I can only stand myself in the pictures or in the mirror under TONS of makeup otherwise I just wanna sit and cry all day.

Backless dresses are always with hair worn long, adding wigs if needed.

But sure, let's let it go rampant and pray it stops before the 40s ig.

And I know that the dating thing isn't just about acne, I am practically living like a nun but it's also a thing that's been rubbed in my face repeatedly.

"you'd be so gorgeous if your pimples stopped."

"ah you'd burn hearts if you weren't looking like crap all the time" in reference to acne

"no one will date you if your skin looks like that"

"why don't you wash your face"

"stop staining the shirts"

"that looks terrible no wonder you're single"

[kikyan]

You’re my favorite Human (Yandere Izaya x F! Reader x Yandere Shizuo)

Before ANY of yall say anything, I wrote this as a birthday special to an online friend I once had. If Izaya and literally anybody else sounds OOC, it’s because this was written back in 2018/2019 after I watched Durarara!! For a bit of background info, I first watched Durarara!! back in middle school when a friend admitted to liking the anime and well I decided to watch too. This show was too complex for my small ass mind so I dropped it. Then I met my online friend (we are no longer friends) who would always comment on Quotev where I was most active at the time. Well, I literally only picked up this anime again for said friend and the birthday request. I wrote this immediately right after the show so if it sucks ass, there is a reason for it. Anyway’s I promise to give them justice if I manage to write my spooky Slasher AU’s for them. Also if you somehow end up managing which ‘slasher’ Shizuo and Izaya fit I’ll write you a special one-shot within my guidelines for your birthday/Christmas depending on the time constraint. Here you go, for the curious peeps!  This story branches off to two endings, Izaya ending w/ Smut and a Shizuo ending because I became a hardcore simp over that man and will literally do anything he tells me to. Regardless, I will edit the links and such for their appropriate endings! This story is also unedited so. . .have fun IG 

ALSO THE READER IS A FEMALE BECAUSE THIS WAS A BIRTHDAY REQUEST THAT A CERTAIN SOMEONE DIDN’T LIKE SO YEAH FUCK THEM, BUT THEY WERE FEMALE AND WANTED THAT SO JUST REPLACE SHE/HER WITH THE PRONOUNS YOU FEEL MOST COMFORABLE WITH!!!!! I ALSO DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO WRITE BACK THEN SO YOU’RE A GENERIC MC WITH A STUTTER PROBABLY 

God I sucked at writing fics so much back then. . .

"IZAYA!!" 

The blonde man proceeded to pick up the red vending machine stationed outside a random building, preparing to lance it at the black-haired male he called Izaya. 

"S-Shizuo!! It's not worth it!! Calm down!! Um- I know! I'll make some tea for you to calm down just please drop the vending machine!!"

"NO, I CAN'T! AFTER SEEING THIS PIECE OF SHIT I'M ALREADY FUMING WITH RAGE!" 

"Shizuo!! Please!! Milk! Yep, milk will surely calm you down just please Shizuo!! You're attracting too much attention and you don't like violence right!!" 

“Throw it Shizu-Chan. Or are you too weak to hold it anymore.”

"IZAYA!!!" 

Shizuo turned away from the (h/c) individual as he began to grip a stop sign before removing it from the ground and began to run towards Izaya. 

" Shizuo stop!! Geez, Izaya please refrain from edging him on! Shizuo don't give in! You're better, in fact, you want to be better!! You want to be stronger to have more control right!! Well. . . Don't give in!!" 

At the sound of this Shizuo stopped before tossing the stop sign to the side and grabbing the (h/c) haired individual and dragging you off with him. 

Looking back, the person Shizuo was dragging turned around to look back at Izaya before stopping in their tracks and bowing apologetically. 

" I'm sorry Izaya for the commotion we caused, but I hope you understand that Shizuo is a bit difficult but I'm sure he can change! You too izaya, you seem to try to edge him on and that reflects poorly on you! So please Izaya, I hope you understand too!" 

" Oi (Y/N), what are you apologizing for?" 

Smiling softly at Izaya and giving him a shy wave (Y/N) turned to face Shizuo and continued to answer his question.

"Well, I mean I didn't stop him from edging you on!" 

" I swear you really are the most optimistic, apologetic, and kindest person on this planet. You are one of a kind." 

Laughing softly (Y/N)  turned to Shizuo as they began to reply, " Thank you! It means a lot to me Shizuo!" 

Walking alongside Shizuo, (Y/N) proceeded to make small talk unaware of the lingering dark eyes upon her figure.

~~ 

"(Y/N), I swear I can't figure you out. No matter what you do or what happens you always apologize to everyone. Even that damn Izaya!" 

"Well, Shizuo I like to be positive!! Besides, I'm sure second chances must be given!!" 

" Hmph. Even those who commit the worst of crimes?" 

"Well, I'm not the one entitled to forgive them for crimes committed against another, but I believe if someone truly wanted to, someone could change." 

"Oh?" 

" For example, you! I mean you've gotten several chances, haven't you? You have a stable job, although you can get quite violent, you have friends, and you are trying your hardest to change! So, I feel like anyone could change!!" 

"Hmph. You forgot something. . ." 

" I did?" 

" Yeah, I also have the best person next to my side, you, (Y/N) (L/N)." 

" I-I-I-I u-um S-sh!?" 

" Heh, you get flustered all of a sudden and it suits your personality. I wonder how I got stuck with someone like you (Y/N). . ."

~~

Bodies were lying around Shizuo in the school field as he huffed in rage and looked to the side to see a (h/c) haired female with (e/c) eyes looking wide at the scene that laid before them. 

" Hmph, what are you scared?" 

Shizuo asked as he looked at the female before looking a bit confused as he noticed the expression on the girl changed. She was smiling and shook her head before answering his question. 

" Nope! I mean what you did isn't good but I'm sure you have a reason! Besides, I feel like deep down you regret it. I mean, although you are pretty violent, you probably don't want to be right?" 

"I... .hmph. Stop being odd and spouting nonsense." 

As the female turned to the bodies she bowed apologetically and began to speak. 

"I'm sorry! I apologize for his behavior! He doesn't mean it! He regrets it! Besides, you guys should know that violence isn't acceptable so please apologize for your actions as well! Fighting isn't acceptable!!" 

"HUH? WHAT THE HELL? WHO THE HELL YOU APOLOGIZING TO?" 

" W-w-well I am apologizing to them and you!! I mean you didn't mean too!! Besides, fighting is wrong! Both parties were at fault so I must apologize for it!" 

" WHY THE HELL DO YOU WANT TO APOLOGIZE? YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

"W-w-well!! They are knocked out and can't speak, plus you won't apologize, you want to but you can't bring yourself to!!"

" OKAY BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" 

"I-I’M SORRY!! I DIDN'T MEAN TO BOTHER YOU BUT I THOUGHT THAT WELL I-?!" 

"NOW WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING?!" 

 "I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO-!?"

"STOP APOLOGIZING!" 

"I'M SORRY! AHHH I KEEP DOING IT!" 

"YEAH. NOW STOP!" 

"I'M SORRY I'LL TRY! WAIT-" 

"OH JUST SHUT UP!" 

"I'M SOR-!?" 

"STOP APOLOGIZING! GOD DAMN IT!" 

"I CAN'T IT'S A HABIT!" 

"Geez, troublesome woman." 

" Ahhh!! What time is it?!" 

"Why the hell are you asking me?" 

"Crap I think I missed my train! Now I have to walk home! Wait, that's fine! I missed gym class to help the teachers so this will count for my exercise! Of course, I shouldn't feel down!" 

" You're unusually optimistic. I'd be pissed as all hell if that happened." 

"Well I think everything happens for a reason and besides, you need to see the bright side of everything! Anyway, I need to go! I have to walk for about maybe 2 hours till I arrive home and I do have homework to complete! I'm sorry for being a bother but I hope to see you tomorrow at school!" 

"Wait." 

 "Yeah?" 

"Let me, let me walk you home alright." 

"B-b-but!?" 

"LISTEN IT'S MY FAULT YOU MISSED THE TRAIN SO LET ME WALK YOU HOME DAMN IT!" 

"Ahh okay okay! I'm sorry for bothering you but thank you!!" 

"Yeah, yeah just stop apologizing and don't start again." 

"Alright! By the way, what's your name?"

" Shizuo Heiwajima. Yours?" 

" (Y/N) (L/N)!" 

As they began to walk side by side (Y/N) began to laugh as she asked Shizuo questions upon question leading to Shizuo answering them and laughing as he realized, maybe having someone not fear him, was a good feeling. 

"Hey, Shizuo?" 

"Yeah? What is it?" 

" Wanna go for Russian sushi?" 

Looking down at the girl Shizuo gave his usual smirk before responding happily. 

" Sure, why not?" 

~~

"Hey, Shizuo?" 

" Yeah?" 

Turning around he met with the female who became his best friend and possibly his crush. Smiling softly he turned to give her all of his attention despite the number of bodies surrounding him in the field of his high school. 

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to um, well. . ." 

"SHIZUO! I have someone I would like to introduce you too!~" 

" Huh?" 

Shizuo replied in his usual tone as to be turned to meet the faces of the young boy with glasses, brown hair and grey eyes whom he quickly recognized as his friend Shinra Kishitani but the other boy, had dark hair and matching eyes he did not. 

"What do you want Shinra?" 

"Oh? Am I interrupting you and your girlfriend~" 

"Girlfriend?! I-I-I’m j-just a friend!?" 

Shizuo looked to the side but quickly locked eyes with the boy. Shinra looking at Shizuo quickly turned to introduce the other boy. 

"His name is Izaya Orihara! He is in the same year and class as us!" 

Upon looking at Izaya, Shizuo quickly launched an attack towards him before Izaya leaped out and grabbed his knife before slicing Shizuo across the abdomen. Shizuo looked down noticing the wound before looking back at Izaya. 

"S-s-shizuo?! Are you okay? Oh, I'm so sorry this happened!!" 

"(Y/N) it's fine and stop apologizing! You didn't do anything wrong! Besides, it was him, Izaya. . ." 

"Oh? Come on Shizu-chan I haven't even done anything. . ." 

"I'm sorry!! I apologize that Shizuo charged at you and hurt you! He tends to do that a lot, but I apologize on your behalf! Shizuo, I apologize that Izaya cut you! I'm sorry I couldn't stop him from cutting you and possibly distracted you. So please, violence is not the answer! Izaya and Shizuo I apologize and I hope you may make up and be best friends!!" 

"Eh?" 

"(Y/N) YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! STOP APOLOGIZING FOR OUR MISTAKES!" 

"I'm sorry! Ah, wait u-u-um well I know you both didn't mean it!!" 

"Here we go again. . . (Y/N) STOP APOLOGIZING, ON TOP OF THAT TO THAT GUY!" 

Shizuo was pointing at Izaya with a hint of disgust written across his face as Izaya looked dumbfounded for a split moment before asking, "Wait? You serious?" 

"Huh?" 

"Did you just apologize for something you didn't do?" 

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to bother you!" 

"I-, well it seems this took an interesting turn of events. Well, goodbye Shizu-chan, (Y/N) right?" 

"Y-yeah. . ." 

Shizuo stood in front holding his arm protectively (Y/N)  as Izaya twirled the pocket knife in his arms in a strange direction before smiling and whispering a small, “Interesting. . .” 

As Izaya turned to leave, Shizuo muttered a small “ That bastard makes me so damn mad” before turning to (Y/N) realizing she had something to say before you were both rudely interrupted by Shinra. 

“ Hey (Y/N) what did you want? You had something to say before that damn bastard arrived.” 

“ O-Oh I-I did. . . um, Shizuo I wanted to ask if you wanted to miss the last train again and... .walk me home, and get Russian sushi with me. . .” 

“ Is that your way of asking me out on a date?” 

Teasing (Y/N) slightly she turned red upon hearing that before nodding her head softly. With a sigh, Shizuo smiled and dragged the smaller female by her arm before muttering a “ finally you asked” causing the female to turn even redder at the comment. (Y/N) ran a little ahead and turned back to smile at Shizuo before whispering “ I love you Shizuo. . .” 

~~ 

Walking to the shared home that Shizuo and (Y/N) have, (Y/N) grabbed a small jug of milk before handing it to Shizuo scolding him for getting violent, but congratulating him on holding back and not letting Izaya get to him. 

“ I don’t know what I would do without you (Y/N), I mean it . . .” 

“ I’m just lucky this happened when we were walking together and not when you were working. Izaya can be a bit extreme but I’m sure he means well!!” 

“Heh, you always look on the bright side, don’t you?” 

“ Exactly!! Looking on the bright side is exactly what brought us together!! I mean after you dropped me off at my house we got to be great friends, that's also when you confided in me your secrets and feelings. Then you began to realize that I didn’t fear you and truly cared for you. Then we went on a date, and became a couple! Dating for a good 5, 6 years?” 

“ Yep, luckily we still love each other.” 

“ I won’t ever stop loving you Shizuo, because you accepted me for who I am. Now it’s time to let me accept you for who you are. . . I mean I already did but you can’t get it through that thick skull of yours can you?” 

“ What do you mean, I understand.” 

“ Yet, every time you encounter Izaya and I’m not around you come home quite sad and always ask me if I would ever leave you. Shizuo, I would never leave you.” 

“ Well yeah but. . .”

“ But?” 

“ You’re right. I should head to work. See you later (Y/N). Take care and don’t do anything strange.” 

“ I wouldn’t do anything you wouldn’t do.” 

“ That worries me.” 

“ I’m just going to talk to Celty or just hang around the park! See you later Shizuo!” 

“ Hmph. Later and don’t forget that I love you.” 

“ I should be saying that but of course! Love you too and later!” 

Shizuo smiled at the girl before heading off to visit Tom his friend and employer. They had another client that refused to pay up and Shizuo was going to “pay” him a visit to ensure he did. (Y/N) locked the door before going on her phone and texting Celty. 

‘ You busy Cel?’ 

‘ No, not really. Why do you ask?’ 

`` I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out and chat.’ 

‘ Sure. I’ll pick you up and we can head off to the park. That fine?’ 

``you read my mind Cel. Alright, I’ll get ready.’  

(Y/N) changed into a new set of clothing before waiting on the couch for Celty to pick her up and head to the park. Celty and (Y/N) got along well as well, (Y/N) always saw the bright side. When she and celty were close enough, originally being introduced by Shinra, Celty confided in her about not having a head and (Y/N) offered some light on the subject. 

“ Well, head or no head  I think you’re perfect just the way you are. For example, you can still do pretty much everything right? Aside from taste but still Celty! I think that is what makes you unique I mean, if you think about it, only those people who truly love and care for you will accept you no matter what. Take a look at Shizuo, he believed everyone feared him, but I didn’t. I love him! Just like I love you Celty! I accept you for who you are and you will always be celty with or without your head! So cheer up, I don’t like seeing my friends sad!” 

With that, a new friendship was born leading (Y/N) to be best friends with the fearsome headless rider. 

< - - - - - - - - - - - - > 

KANRA HAS JOINED THE CHAT

Kanra: Hey guys! I have a question about a specific person. 

Setton: A person? Who? 

TarouTanaka: Agreed. It’s quite rare to see you not having information on anyone. 

Kanra: Precisely, which is why I must know. Do any of you know a (Y/N) (l/n)? 

Setton: (Y/N)? Not personally but I’ve heard rumors. . . 

Setton: There’s not much I know about her, but I’ve heard rumors of her being in the Dollars.

Setton: Besides that, I’ve also heard she’s Shizuo Heiwajima’s girlfriend and possibly future wife.

TarouTanaka: Shizuo Heiwajima? As in THE Shizuo Heiwajima? Do you know the violent one? 

Kanra: That’s so scary!! Who would put up with him? 

Kanra: *Gasps* you don’t think. . .

TarouTanaka: Think what? 

Kanra: You don’t think she’s using him do you? I mean, having a strong boyfriend has its perks right? 

Setton: She’s not that type of person.

Setton: From what I’ve heard, at least.

Kanra: Oh? You seem to get a bit defensive. Are you sure you don’t know her? 

Kanra: I mean, think about it. What is so special about Shizuo that would lead someone like her to love him? 

Kanra: Honestly, I think she could be using him after all I’m sure there are more people that someone like her could pick from. 

Setton: Well everything is just based on rumors, but I doubt she’s a bad type of person.

Setton: Love has always been a confusing matter. All that matters is that they like each other for who they are.

Setton: It’s not our place to make assumptions.

Kanra: Love is indeed confusing. 

TarouTanaka: I agree with Setton, I am sure they love each other for who they are. Is everything alright Kanra? 

Kanra: Yes, but it still stumps me on how little information we have of his girlfriend. Not only that but we have little information on the relationship as well. Has anyone seen her? Know what she looks like? 

Setton: I’ve only heard a vague description of her: (e/c) and (h/c). I could pass her on the street and not even know.

Setton: But I’m sure she’s just a private person. We should respect that and try not to dig into her life.

Kanra: Oh fair maiden will I ever see you?

TarouTanaka: You sure you aren’t trying to steal his girlfriend? 

Kanra: ^ 0 ^ Never! 

Setton: This has been an interesting discussion and all, but I’m needed elsewhere.

Setton: Later.

< - - - - - - - - - - - - - > 

SETTON HAS LEFT THE CHAT

Kanra: Well I better head out too, later Tarou! 

TarouTanaka: Later! 

< - - - - - - - - - - - - - >

KANRA HAS LEFT THE CHAT.

TAROUTANAKA HAS LEFT THE CHAT. 

THERE IS NO ONE IN THE CHAT. 

A figure began to ponder and look outside with a pair of binoculars as a female with (e/c) and (h/c) walked by. 

‘ Oh? I think I should properly introduce myself to the fair maiden’ 

~~ 

The young girl walked out of her house ready to speak with the dullahan. Upon seeing the headless rider the young girl waved her hand signaling the rider. 

“ Celty! Over here!” 

The rider began to make its way to the female before hugging and typing away on its phone. 

“Oh good, I was worried I arrived too early.”

“ Nah! Even if you did, you would have more time to look around and notice life at it’s finest!” 

“Oh Y/N, still as cheerful as ever, huh?”

“ Oh, you know it! Now let's head to the park! I want to see Ikebukuro at its prime time at night!” 

“Of course, but as we’re walking let me ask: How’s it going between you and Shizuo?”

“ Well. . . I-I-I I think it’s going great! He isn’t getting as rowdy and violent so I think he is changing a little bit! He ended getting me a gift, a necklace to be exact for our 5th anniversary! It says his name! He also has one, one with my name!”  

“I’m glad to hear you guys are going great. I’m sure that nothing could ever break your relationship, right?” 

“ Exactly! He and I have never had a serious argument! Maybe a little scolding but it’s fine like this! I always end up congratulating him in the end! He is the sweetest! Every time he comes home he asks me if I love him which makes me sad because I hope he knows I do! However. . . he always ends up spoiling me in love! The real question. . . is how is it with Shinra?” 

“Oh. . . Well, you know how he is. We’re as close as we can ever be, especially now that I’m more accustomed to the whole headless thing. That doesn’t mean I’m not looking, though.”

“ You will find it Celty! I know for a fact you will find it! I’ll help you when I have time! Hey look it’s the park let’s find a bench!” 

[park bench scene]

“You know, Y/N, I heard that you and Shizuo were considering getting married. Is it true?”

“ Well, I-!?” 

“ Well, Celty! I didn’t know you were here? (Y/N) too! What a surprise too! Do you mind if I sit with you guys?” 

“ Well, not really! Feel free to sit Izaya!” 

“ Interesting, now continue what were we talking about?” 

“ Well, Celty asked about my marriage to Shizuo!” 

“ So it’s true. . .” 

“ Yeah! Celty we are! Sometime next week we were going to look for dresses!” 

“That’s wonderful Y/N! If you need anything, I’m always available to help.”

“ Of course!” 

“ Same here.  . . a wedding between Shizu-chan and (Y/N) seems interesting. . .” 

“ So (Y/N), why are you with Shizu-chan? What’s the catch?” 

“ Pardon Izaya?” 

“ I mean, why would someone like YOU be with someone like HIM? What are the perks of having Shizu-chan as your boyfriend?” 

“ Perks?!” 

“I know that you and Shizuo have an on-going rivalry, but should you be asking Y/N questions like that?” 

“ I was just curious Celty! Besides, do you have the answer?” 

“ Well, there are no perks.” 

“ Huh?” 

“ I love Shizuo, not for his strength or perks. I love him because he was kind to me. He accepts my optimistic side, even though it can be quite annoying and I accept his violent tendencies! He is doing so much to change and I will support him from now on! When we met, he kinda beat the entire team on the field and I apologized for the both of him! He got confused and I apologized for my behavior and we kinda got into a mini battle of him asking me to stop apologizing and well my apologizing even more! Nonetheless, I missed the train, but it gave me a chance to talk to him and as you can tell he walked me home! Since then, a steady relationship! So it’s not about the benefits, it’s what we feel for each other that motivates us!” 

“ Interesting. . . “  

“ I agree Y/N, it’s about love, not benefits. Might want to save a speech that profounds for your wedding though.

“ You’re right! Oh, I’m sorry Izaya for ruining the surprise!” 

‘ Interesting. . . she isn’t like every other human, she doesn’t seem to lie, hide things, and seems to be honest. She seems to be optimistic. Hmph, interesting that she isn’t like all the other humans I love, she’s different and I can’t wait to see her face, her entire being change as I pull the strings from behind! (Y/N), you are quite interesting, you are like my special, no my favorite human and I need to see your reactions to everything... .’ 

“ (Y/N)?” 

“ Ah, Shizuo! O-over here!” 

“ Celty’s here too and-?!” 

Shizuo stared at the black-haired male with such anger raging within them as he let out a growl before examining the area. 

“ IZAYA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” 

“ It’s a park? Am I not allowed to visit one?” 

“ IT’S WHO YOU’RE WITH THAT MATTERS! (Y/N) DID HE TOUCH YOU OR HURT YOU IN ANY WAY?” 

“ N-no! Shizuo we were only just talking! Besides, Celty was here with us! It was all friendly talk!” 

“ Celty, take (Y/N) and go to Shinra’s place. I’ll meet you there once I finish killing this bastard!” 

Typing away Celty nodded showing her phone with the message being, ‘Of course. Be careful before doing anything crazy, but please hear Y/N out first. Learn a bit about the situation before jumping into anything dangerous.”

“ Oh my Shizu-chan!~ So you are dating her. Isn’t that interesting. . . I say though it’s shocking, to say the least, that someone like (Y/N) would fall in love with you. Someone as fragile, beautiful, delicate, and forgiving like (Y/N) with a violent man as yourself, well I’d be damned!” 

“ I’m sorry! Izaya, I apologize for Shizuo’s behavior as he ended up attacking you without hearing my part, which I still have yet to say! However, I apologize on your part as well Izaya as you didn’t mean anything by chatting with us, but you asked some not so nice things. On the bright side, you know the truth and know that Shizuo isn’t a bad person!” 

“ (Y/N) . . .?” 

“ Shizuo! Celty and I were chatting when Izaya approached us, we were just talking! He didn’t hurt me, besides Celty would have put him in his place before I would have! Please believe me, Celty tell him the truth as well!” 

“Of course, there was nothing suspicious going on. Just a regular conversation full of small talk. Nothing shady or malicious between us and Izaya.”

“ Tch. Fine, but still take her to Shinra. I don’t want this bastard to find out where we live. I still want to kill him. . .” 

“ S-Shizuo! It’s fine, we don’t need to go see Shinra!” 

“ Aww, Shizu-chan you’re scaring her!~ Besides, what if (Y/N) doesn’t want to leave? You’re her boyfriend but you aren’t her owner. Besides, why do you get to keep her all to yourself, as you know I love humans, I can’t get enough of them! But she, she is quite interesting, as all humans I love her as well but aren’t you pushing it Shizuo chan?” 

“ Keep that damn mouth of yours shut!” 

“ I wonder, how long will it take you to screw up your relationship with her like you always do. Have you even proposed to her yet? Being the violent person you are you probably used someone's body as a foot stand before asking her to be your wife!” 

“ NO! That’s wrong! He proposed at Russia Sushi! We went out to eat as it was also our first date! See, even Simon took the picture and hung it in the dining area! You can see Shizuo’s fist but that was because he was embarrassed Simon took a picture and well he snapped, see how red he is? I’m the one crying in the background while holding the ring! It’s even my lock and home screen!” 

“ YOU DON’T NEED TO GO THAT FAR! WAIT-HE HAS IT HANGED? I NEED TO KILL THIS MAN FIRST THAN YOU DAMN IZAYA!” 

“ NO NOT SIMON! WAIT SHIZUO!” 

Running after Shizuo, (Y/N)  turned around one last time before bowing apologetically and smiling at Izaya before running after her fiance. Celty typing away on her phone showing it to Izaya. 

“Be careful about what you say around Y/N. I know what you’re trying to do and I advise you against it. It won’t end well for either of you.”

“ Whatever do you mean Celty?” 

“I’ve seen the way you look at Y/N; the way you observe her with that calculated glee in your eye. Even if you do separate her from Shizuo, she wouldn’t be happy with someone considered a homewrecker. She’s too optimistic for her good, she’ll easily forgive you, but she would never be able to forgive herself for hurting Shizuo. If you truly value her like you say you do, don’t try to meddle in her personal affairs.” 

“ I want to see every possible reaction from her, so this is quite tempting. Besides, Celty why do you care much about her? I love humans and I’m not willing to share, (Y/N) is no exception.” 

“Y/N is the best person I know. She’s kind no matter what and brings hope and joy to all of those that she comes across. She deserves to live the best life she can, one filled with no despair or tragedy. You need to learn to respect that and move on.”

Celty, displaying her anger towards Izaya, revved her motorcycle upwards causing several people to look in worry and walk away to avoid getting hit. Izaya stood unamused with his smug grin as he watched Celty chase after the couple to take them to Shinra. 

“ Celty, it’s a shame. All humans will experience despair no matter what, even our darling (Y/N). It’s just how long will it take for her to fall into despair that’s the real game and who the one pulling the strings will be.” 

Izaya began to walk away only to stop at Russia sushi and was quite intrigued by the photo that was taken. As he began to examine the image he saw (Y/N) smiling with tears rolling down her eyes as she turned to the camera holding the ring Shizuo had given her. On top of that, he saw Shizuo, quite red ready to punch Simon for taking the picture. 

“ Well well, seems she was telling the truth. I guess he didn’t screw it up.” 

“ Izaya, I heard about what happened.” 

As Izaya turned he was met with Simon the dark-skinned Russian who began to speak in his native tongue signaling that this was a private conversation. 

“ Simon, how’s it been?” 

“ Don’t ruin it.” 

“ Ruin what Simon?” 

“ Shizuo and (Y/N) found happiness here so don’t ruin it.” 

“ Oh? What makes you say that?” 

“ (Y/N) is special, the unpredictable happens around her but that doesn’t mean you should ruin what they have for the sake of your entertainment.” 

“ Special huh?” 

“ You like her don’t you? Leave her with Shizuo, she is not meant for you.” 

“ You see Simon, you’re right she is special but she isn’t Shizuo’s. I believe her to be one of the few people who aren’t on this playing field. She, like all humans, belongs to me. I won’t let Shizu-chan, Celty, or even that damn Saika blade have her.” 

“ Izaya, I know you don’t like losing to Shizuo but that does not mean you have to ruin this relationship. For once, let it go.” 

“ It’s Shizuo who needs to let her go.” 

With that Izaya left the place before walking away thinking about the girl. Since he met her years ago he realized how forgiving and optimistic she truly was. It shocked him, every human he met would be the same and oh so predictable. Shizu-chan and Simon would be the unpredictable ones spicing up his entertainment but (Y/N)? She was the most unpredictable one of them all. She took both sides of an argument and attempted to find a solution and she would keep Shizuo in check something that no one could do. On top of that, (Y/N) forgave anyone and you could never guess what she would say next, but her actions were always surprising. As he entered his workplace he was met with Namie Yagiri who looked at him in disbelief. 

“ It’s late where have you been?” 

“ Ah, Namie I was out with Celty and (Y/N) (L/N).” 

“ (Y/N) (L/N)?” 

“ Shizuo Heiwajima’s girlfriend, well fiance but not for long.” 

“ What do you mean, not for long?” 

“ Well you see, I intend to steal her away.” 

“ You never seem to bother with people’s love lives anyways. Why now?” 

“ (Y/N) (L/N) is a fascinating human! Here on this board, Shizu-Chan is the king and (Y/N (L/N) would be his queen, but the queen is one of the few people with free-range movement, in other words, the most powerful piece, nonetheless all are useful but the queen is the one who defends her king. If the queen is removed you’re pretty much set to fail and the king is left weak and ready to be dethroned. So, Shizu-chan is only strong with his queen, but this fascinating human being should be next to me, her God!” 

“ So you want to use her-!?” 

“ No! You’re not getting the picture! I am going to take the queen and leave her next to her god’s side! ME! With Shizu-chan weak I’ll simply kill him and fully take (Y/N) (L/N) as mine!” 

“ I thought Shizuo provided you with the most entertainment. . .” 

“ (Y/N) makes up for both of them, I don’t need Shizuo when I have his queen. . .” 

~~ 

“ Shizuo! Wait!” 

Shizuo was walking faster while dragging (Y/N) behind him as they proceeded to go to their house after staying at Shinra’s. 

“ What for?” 

“ I’m sorry for embarrassing you in front of Izaya. . .” 

“ I’m fine, as long as it was you I didn’t mind.” 

“ You sure?” 

“ Of course, now let’s go home. I’m tired.” 

‘“O-Okay!” 

As they entered the home in which they both own Shizuo immediately grabbed (Y/N) as he held her close before asking her yet again, “ Do you love me?” 

“ Of course silly! I wouldn’t marry someone I don’t love! I love you to the moon and back Shizuo and I wouldn’t change that for the world! No one and nothing would ever split us apart Shizuo! You accepted me for who I am, now it’s time you realize that I accept you for you!” 

Cuddling closer with the (h/c) hair colored female he blurted out something that made her turn red upon hearing it. 

“ I want a baby.” 

“ A WHAT?!” 

“ A baby. I hope to be able to be a father once we wed.” 

“ W-w-w-w-what g-g-g-gave you that idea?!” 

“ We are both at a young age, once we marry I feel like we should have a child. I won’t rush or force you but I think we would be great parents.” 

“I...OKAY! Of course! After we marry, we can have as many children as we can!” 

“ W-Wait you serious?!” 

“ Of course Shizuo, because I love you to bits! Just like I will love this child, I'll make sure you both know how special you are to me!” 

“ I do wonder how I found someone like you (Y/N). . . I love you!” 

“ I love you too Shizuo!” 

As they both fell asleep in a lovers embrace Shizuo was reminded of how much (Y/N) loves him and was also reminded that she will never leave him. Izaya was wrong, (Y/N) loves him for himself and as Shizuo sighed in relief as he cuddled closer to the female, not being feared, but being loved was a great feeling, the best in the world. 

~~ 

“ Now. . . what should I make for dinner? I should make Shizuo’s favorite meal, but that means that I need to go shopping. Oh well.” 

(Y/N) pulled out her phone before sending Shizuo a quick text saying how she would be stepping out and would be home soon. After getting an, ‘alright. Be safe.’ text she immediately set out to the store. As (Y/N) was searching through the ingredients she came across a hand reaching for the same one, the last one. 

“ Oh, I’m sorry! You can take it!” 

“ No, no that fine! By all means, take it.” 

“ Izaya... .?’ 

“ Ah! (Y/N)! Isn’t that wonderful? I wanted to speak to you!” 

“ Same! Just let me finish shopping and I’ll go with you!” 

“ Here! I’ll help, by the way! Feel free to take it, I don’t need that ingredient as much as you do.” 

“ Thanks! Are you sure you don’t want it though, I’m making a meal for Shizuo but I can always go to other stores! If you want it you should take it! On the bright side, I can get my daily walk in by going to other stores and I might be able to browse through other items I may need!” 

“ Oh? A meal for Shizu-chan? Then, by all means, take it. I wouldn’t want to make him upset.” 

“ Thank you Izaya! You really care for him!” 

“ Well, I wouldn’t say that. .  . “

“ Well, we should get going! I think I got everything I needed!” 

Walking to the park in silence was a little awkward until (Y/N) lit up at the sight of ice cream. 

“ Hey Izaya, look it’s an ice cream truck! Do you want some? My treat!” 

“ Actually, it will be mine! Which one do you want (Y/N)?” 

“ (F/F) please!” 

“ Of course!” 

Upon getting the ice cream ( Y/N) desired and Izaya getting one for himself they decided to sit on a bench and she continued speaking with Izaya. 

“ Izaya, I have a question.” 

“What is it (Y/N)?” 

“ Well, why do you like edging Shizuo on? You know he is trying his hardest to change, wait, is it to push him? To see how much he needs to improve left?” 

“ You really are optimistic aren’t you? Not exactly, you see Shizuo tends to act differently from the rest. . . he truly is unpredictable so I just want to see every possible reaction from him. Just like you?” 

“ Me? I hardly think I'm unpredictable, I feel like you could read me easily.” 

“ You can’t and that’s the best part. I truly love all humans (Y/N), they are just so interesting! In the end, they all act the same yet it’s so exciting!” 

“ Interesting. You like the unpredictable more though right! I do too! It’s like a book, if you can predict the way it ends then it isn’t all the fun. However, if the book ends with a plot twist and catches you by surprise then it is fun! Every new day, every new day is something different for me! I feel like, when you look at a new angle you end up seeing things you’ve never seen. This could easily impact what you think or what you do! That’s what I try to do to make my day more interesting!” 

Izaya looking at her with insanity swirling his eyes grabbed her hands causing her ice cream to fall before laughing. 

“ You understand me! You see what I see! You truly do deserve to be next to your god's side! Tell me (Y/N), you’re very forgiving, aren’t you! Every god needs to judge and punish the sinners, BUT THEY ALSO NEED TO FORGIVE! THAT MY GODDESS IS WHERE YOU COME IN! WITH YOU BY MY SIDE, WE COULD TRULY RULE OVER THESE HUMANS! JUST AS I LOVE HUMANS, THEY SHOULD LOVE ME TOO! THAT INCLUDES YOU (Y/N), DO YOU LOVE ME?” 

“ I-?!” 

“ That’s enough!” 

Turning to Celty who began to write furiously fast on her phone shoved it in front of Izaya as he skimmed the words that were written. 

‘Shizuo is on his way, leave if you don’t want your ass kicked. I told you to leave (Y/N) alone! For once, listen to me!’ 

Celty grabbed (Y/N) and led her to the motorcycle before writing on it explaining that Shizuo was around the area and was planning on picking (Y/N) up from the store. Celty mentioned that she too was around the area and that she was asked by Shizuo to help him look for her as well. Nodding, (Y/N) turned around to meet Izaya smirking, despite all she smiled at him and bowed before apologizing. 

“ I’m sorry Izaya! I hope to talk to you soon and I apologize our time was cut short. I’m happy that you told me a little about yourself Izaya as I told you I like to see both perspectives before saying or doing anything. On the bright side, although our time was cut short I realized that you trust me a little and bothered to open up a bit! So I'm glad!” 

Indeed Izaya found his Goddess, she forgave all and will forgive all. Smiling a bit he turned and wished her good-bye before plotting a plan to take her from Shizuo forever and make sure his goddess was with him all the time. Besides, even if he committed a crime, his goddess, (Y/N) (L/N) would forgive him. 

(Y/N) was riding with Celty until they found Shizuo in which he expressed his concern for the female. He examined the ingredients and smiled realizing what she was planning on doing before ruffling her hair. 

 “ I still have a little bit of work left but I'll make it home in time for dinner.” 

“ Of course! I’ll get started on dinner right away!” 

“ Alright. See you then, oh (Y/N).” 

“ Yeah?” 

“ I love you.” 

“ I love you too!” 

~~ 

Getting out of the shower, (Y/N) proceeded to dry her hair with a small towel wearing (F/C) shorts and an extremely overgrown shirt, more importantly, it was Shizuo’s bartender shirt that he allowed her to wear. It fit more like a dress but no one was complaining. 

“ I better get started on dinner, Shizuo is going to arrive any minute!” 

Proceeding to get the ingredients (Y/N) was washing the vegetables when she heard a click signaling the door was open. 

“ Shizuo I’m not done with the meal-... Shizuo... .?” 

Examining the living room she noticed that the door was opened but no one was in the room with her, that was until she heard a familiar voice from her right ear. 

“ Good evening, My goddess. . .” 

“Iza-!?” 

With that Izaya knocked out (Y/N) cradling her in his arms before making his way to him home with the young girl, his Goddess.  

~ 

“ Wake up sleeping beauty~” 

Izaya was poking her cheek repeatedly hoping for the young girl to awaken sometime soon and luckily she did. 

“ Izaya, w-where a-am I?” 

“ Why you’re in our home my goddess~” 

“O-our? Goddess? Izaya what’s going on?” 

“ You will be living with me from now on~ You see I explained it to you, I love humans my dear (Y/N), you are no exception. However, unlike all the other humans you have an interesting personality and you are quite unpredictable making each new day exciting and something to look forward to! Someone like you should be by my side ruling alongside next to me! Just as I adore humans, they should adore us, as they should!” 

“ I-Izaya I’m sorry but it’s late and I need to get to Shizuo before it gets too late-!?” 

“ You aren’t getting it! You aren’t going back to Shizuo! You belong to me! Besides, Shizuo is weak right now! I could easily get rid of him!” 

“ He isn’t! Shizuo is quite strong! I know for a fact that he can overcome anything! Now, please let me go before I-!?” 

“ You aren’t seeing the big picture (Y/N) and it saddens me. You see the queen is the strongest piece in chess. Shizu-chan is the king and you by right, are his queen. If we take the queen away, the king is set up to fail. Haven’t you realized, everyday Shizu-chan asks you if you love him and to never leave him? Coincidence I know? I always make him doubt of this reality because without you Shizu-chan would be a violent monster! Think about it, you’re the only thing that can hold him back but you aren’t by his side! Shizu-chan does not want to be feared but he thinks it’s a fantasy, someone like you being in his life that he just needs to confirm if you love him too!” 

(Y/N) gasped when she came to notice her fiance's true feelings. Feeling down, (Y/N) looked to the side to examine the board Izaya kept close to see if she could find a pattern or attempt to figure Izaya out to create a plan.   

“ In fact! I think he is worried sick trying to find you, but he won’t! Even if he does, he doesn’t have the right to take my Goddess away!” 

In the meantime, Shizuo was frantically searching for where (Y/N) could be. When he arrived home he came to see the door open and no sign of (Y/N) causing his anxiety to spike up at the thought of losing you forever. Having enough he texted Celty and even the dollars home page alerting all members to keep an eye out on a female with (H/C) and (E/C) as she could be in danger. 

“ Celty! Have you found her yet?” 

“ No.... but I think I know where she is. I hope she isn’t though. . . “ 

“ Spit it out! WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?!” 

Shizuo was running out of breath as he looked at Celty with desperation as he saw her type away with incredible speed, but the answer both shook him and angered him to the point of no return. 

“ I think she is with Izaya. If so, we must hurry!” 

“ Of course! Leave this to me. . . I think it’s time that bastard met with his fate.” 

Shizuo walked away with anger as he began to prepare his fist to execute the man who stole his fiance.

IZAYA ENDING w/SMUT

SHIZUO ENDING

[trinimalfoyyy]

Requested: yes = First of all, I love your works so much! You are an amazing writer 🤍 Can you please do one where the reader is Draco's best friend and she's always there for him. She's in love with him for years but he likes Astoria. One day she overheard Draco talking to blaise, saying that Astoria was like the ONLY person that was there for him all these years and the reader was heartbroken because in reality it was her who was there because Astoria doesn't really care about him that much. Sorry if that was too long...The rest is up to you but can you please make it a happy ending where they probably get together💕 Have a nice day/night! 💕

Loyal-D.M. REQUEST

Warnings: Nonee but language Ig :)

Also I’m SO sorry if this isn’t good! I’m so burnt out with school and finals…I promise my writing will get back to being better🥲🤍

I sat behind Draco, his blonde-white shined as the sun peppered it perfectly. It seemed to glow as my eyes were transfixed onto it, completely ignoring the lesson in front of me. “Y/N, could you tell me what the effect of this spell is?”

I snapped my eyes from Draco and looked at my teacher before looking confused. He knew I had no idea what the content was…I was distracted. “Next time pay less attention to Draco’s hair and more on the content.”

I could feel my face turn red and I slammed my head on the desk in embarrassment. Crap, now Draco knew I was staring at him. I kept my head down for the remainder of class, trying hard not to look at Draco again. When the bell rung loudly for class change, I leaped from my desk and ran from Draco before he could speak to me. However Draco caught my arm before I could leave. “Was my hair glowing again..?”

He nearly laughed as I nodded my head at him. Wrapping his arm around mine, we walked out of the class together. Draco and I had been friends since we ran into each other on the train, he snapped at me before I snapped back. That act of defiance made us friends, best friends.

“You can’t let things like that distract you Y/N, I would really hate to have better scores than you.” The smug smile on face grew as I rolled my eyes at him. “I could stare at your glowing hair and STILL has better scores than you dummy.” Draco started laughing as I soon joined in, laughing our way into our next class.

Draco sometimes walked me to class but now it was a daily thing, something I grew to love. He kissed my cheek before messing up my hair, I shoved him off before taking my index finger and flicking his forehead. Sticking my tongue out as I backed up into class. He rolled his eyes as he headed towards his own class.

I nearly made it inside when I heard giggling and looked out the classroom. It was Astoria, clinging onto Draco as they walked to class. I could feel hurt pain through me as I watched them walk away. Heading into class with a sad face, knowing that Astoria was stealing my place.

I knew it was wrong to fall in love with your best friend, but Draco was different. He actually cares for me and stands up for me. We’ve been there for each other when things got hard. He’s comforted me when I cried my eyes about stupid guys and even offered to hex them. Things were different with him.

I headed towards the dining hall with tears starting to form on my lash line. They were threatening to fall and I knew if I ran into Draco they would. “Y/N! There you are! Blaise was just about to go search for you!” I looked up to see Pansy nearly fall out her seat as she looked at me. The smile on her face growing bigger by the second.

Draco wasn’t here though, he always made it on time for lunch. Especially when they were serving his favorite. My brows furrowed as Blaise came up and took my hand. “He’s with Astoria love, now come on before Pansy eats everything.” Pansy nearly snapped at him as I sat in front of her.

The craziest friends surrounded me as I could feel the hurt slowly go away but the fear of Astoria filled the back of my mind. It never left, no matter what I did. “You look deep in thought hun, want to talk about it?” Pansy gripped my hands as she leaned over the table. She looked worried as I started to spill everything.

Blaise looked up from his cup as he turned towards me. “Have you told Draco that you’re in love with him.” I nearly choked on my food as I snapped my heads towards him. “I just told you about Astoria! How-What made you?!” Pansy started to laugh as she looked at me.

“Everyone but Draco knows you’re in love with him hun! You should tell him like Blaise said!” I shrugged as I looked at my plate again. “Just think about it babe.” I nodded as I went back to my plate.

~~~~

Walking back to my dorm was something I usually enjoyed late at night, but tonight was different. The nagging thoughts in the back of my head wouldn’t go away. I was growing mad by the second. Why would Astoria think she could-

“I don’t know Blaise… it feels like the only person in my life who actually cares is Astoria.” I felt my heart stop as I listened to the conversation. I knew that voice from anywhere, it was Draco’s. He actually felt like Astoria was there for him…only him?? I felt angry tears start to form as I nearly wanted to knock him out.

For the past weeks it’s been Astoria this and Astoria that! She didn’t say even LIKE HIM?! I felt my anger grow stronger as I pushed the door open loudly. Draco and Blaise looked up to see me standing in the doorway.

Draco looked at me with a surprised look as Blaise excused himself from the situation. “Only Astoria is here for you?! That whore DOESNT even love you! She just wants that money and how could you-“ Draco cut me off, “y/n…”

“No! It’s not fair! I’m in love you and you act like you can’t see that! Like is that hard to see that I fucking love YOU?!” I stopped talking and looked at Draco. His face still in shock as I walked closer to him. I gripped his tie as I kissed him hard, not letting go till we couldn’t breathe.

When I pulled away he rested his forehead on mine and I could feel the smile grow on his face. I don’t recall how long we stood there but I could never grow tired of that moment not when he started to whisper—voice shaky.

“I’ve always loved you.”

“Me too.”

Tag list:

@yesimsleepdeprived

@willowbleedsonpaper

@jinnbie

@his-princess0

@burnin-passion

@superanimenatural

@slytherinhoeperiodt

@kinkyslytherinstuff

@malfoysbiitch

@dracosbaibe

@realityblocked

@saayanaaa

@agalandhermarvelobsession

@malfoyyuhh

@justfangirlthingies

@drachoesimp

@louweasleymalfoy

@riddleswh0r3crux

[tutuandscoot]

I admit that as a long time fan I’m cynical and sometimes scan through your posts. But you’re spot on when you say that people imposed their fantasy on VM and interpreted the actual care and support that was there to fabricate a romance instead of enjoying the beautiful partnership that was actually there. I am still sad that so much of my time watching VM was colored by that narrative (though I never believed they were a couple) and sadder still that I saw how nasty the fandom was and am now kind of bitter against some fans as a result and find it hard to watch some of the content we get now without being super cynical.

I love how you get to experience them in a refreshing positive way. Thanks for sharing that.

Honesty.. I’m an incredibly cynical person in general. So in a way this is my outlet to not be like that (I know.. not being cynical.. on the internet.. lololol) and actually see the beauty in these athletes and artists I admire so much (coming from a similar world I relate to them so much in that respect) but also this truly beautiful relationship.

I hate that so much cruel, fabricated BS exists out there. I know by speaking what I at least believe is the truth- and is really just reiterating what they say at face value.. isn’t gonna make up for the fact there was so many and at a glance, the rare times I look at other blogs, still conversations so obsessed with what gets written about them on reddit or Twitter or here disgusts me and frankly is sad that people really waste their time talking shit about them- they obviously aren’t fans of them or care about them, and not that TS need us randoms on the internet to care about them- they have those people in their lives that actually value them as people and not ‘famous celebrities’ (I hate that word and refuse to call them that).

I just don’t understand why people can’t just hear what they say and believe them and see them as a rare instance of people who have achieved so much and people know who they are but despite all that success are obviously just so grounded and really understand how to be good people. I hate how they get attacked for not speaking up about certain topics and in general just the way people fabricate their lives on social media. It’s disgusting there’s no other way to put it.. all the actual people in the world doing really shitty things and actively making peoples’ lives worse yet there’s those who chose to attack true angels like TS.. I’ll never understand it.

The reason I started this blog was just because I had so many thoughts and no one in my life was as fascinated by them as me so it was just a place to put those thoughts down and thankfully I kinda fell back into this all backwards and by the time I came to tumblr.. I had such a solid opinion of them no amount of bullshit I came across later really even seemed plausible, along with I did a lot of tumblr research before I even started posting so thankfully when I did start I had a direction for the posts I wanted to make and share and opinions I wanted to state while avoiding the majority of the crap. I would not have survived at all had I been on here back then. I struggle to engage with anything about their personal lives (I fully believe it’s none of my business to comment on) even posts about Scott’s coaching or other IAM teams, figure skating in general. If I want to know what TS are up to I’ll follow their IG’s, give them a like and carry on with my day.. I’m really not that interested in the discussion (fine if people are, I just have ethical issues with most of it).

I’m like you, I can’t really follow other blogs out of fear I might read something from nasty people still talking shit, so I kinda just have to put my thoughts out there without engaging in others coz so many of them appear negative. Which is fine with me (that I don’t engage), like I said this is basically a little public diary for me. I think I’ve said (to you before I’m assuming you’re the same anon) I hate the thought of true genuine fans being here a few years ago just wanting to appreciate them for what they are and met with bullshit fabricated lies, unfortunately that’s social media is general now, so without at all making myself out to be a saint of some kind I hope even a small group of us can engage in or even just read positive discussions that calls out the ridiculousness of people frothing over simply two best friends who saw the entire world in each other.

Always warms my heart to know people read my posts and get joy out of them coz I do writing them and yes it’s selfish but that’s why I do it, this is my hobby so the fact it makes others happy makes me happy 😊

[love-hatred-stuff]

Mad at him } Jung Jaehyun [nct]

》 genre:

angst, light fluff

》 warning(s):

Jaehyun swears a lot & is kind of a dick, mention of other idols [ma johnny], um that's it ig

》 word count:

1.9k

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Crap, school is shit!

I was doing homework for hours now and I was still not finished with all of it. It was upsetting me, more than it should.

After I had let out a heavy and annoyed groan I heard my phone ring. Jaehyun, my boyfriend was calling me.

Wow, he actually had the time to call me.

He didn't contact me for a whole day and I was getting more pissed each minute. In the beginning of our relationship, he always made sure how my day was when we hadn't had the chance to meet up.

Today had been an absolute disaster what wasn't making my mood any better.

But I had to suppress my anger for a moment, because he was rather sensitive. What means, I better not get mad for no proper reason.

He started talking instantly after I picked up.

"Hey, sorry that I couldn't call earlier. How was your day?" His voice was monotone and I didn't like that, at all.

I felt the wish that he would've better just let me be for the rest of the day with that attitude crossing my mind. Though I tried ignoring my now mixed feelings.

"Yeah, nevermind. Mine was not the best day to be honest." I tried to reply like I normally would.

"What happened?" I wasn't in the mood to tell him about my whole day.

And because he hadn't had the time to pick me up yesterday too, I decided to tease and play a little bit. Maybe this would make my day better.

"Nothing, that's the problem. I am doing homework for hours now and my brain is about to explode. But luckily, I have Kai. He helps me out a lot, with my problems." It almost sounded like I was only talking to a friend and not my boyfriend. Acting like Jeahyun wasn't my boyfriend for almost two years now.

Since I knew, he gets angry when I'm close to other guys, it's the perfect idea to play with his feelings. Cruel, but effective.

"What do you mean, helping you with your problems? That's what I'm supposed to do. You should better get your ass here now!"

"Don't cuss at me. He's just a good friend I met in school Jaeh." I acted like I was trying to convince him that it wasn't a big deal, but in reality it was what I wanted, of course.

I wanted him to spend time with me, without telling him to.

"Do you think I care if he's just a friend? We had been friends too before we started dating, Y/N." He sounded pissed and I had to smile proudly.

"That's different." I wasn't allowed to mention that I would never replace him, like I usually would, because it had to sound a little suspicious.

"That Kai guy is going to get killed if he thinks he can have you. I want you to come over right now!" I almost giggled at his command.

"I don't think, you really want me there." I expressed my thoughts.

"What the fuck is wrong, Y/N? You know that's not true." I could hear his voice getting shaky and hard to control.

"Ok then. I'll be there in 10." I ended the call quickly before it could get too emotional.

I didn't like emotions, except for the ones I had for Jaehyun. They can easily let you make some real dumb decisions.

That's why I was a rather cold person. I was kind, but I wasn't someone who smiled all day and acted like nothing angered or annoyed me. 'Cause there were always things in my way.

Fortunately I was also a quite strong person, that learned to be in the past few years and I don't give up that easily or let some shit destroy me.

Jeahyun was also strong but I had better skills than him to get what I wanted and my influence on him was just too big to let him win. I always won fights, but that wasn't important in our realtionship. To me it was just an advantage that I would use in such situations.

...

I changed into a short but cute, rosè dress and a white cardigan with brown buttons, put my converse on and fastly walked to Jaeh's dorm.

I had needed fifteen minutes, but it was fine, he would wait for me longer.

I knocked like I always did, three times.

After some seconds Jaehyun ripped the door open and I slightly flinched.

"Holy Shit. What are you wearing?" He scanned my body. I could see, he found it hot but there was also some anger building up in his eyes, and it was rising fast.

"Nice to see you too." I rolled my eyes, inconspicuously also looking over his body. He was wearing sweatpants and a muscle tank top, showing his biceps and toned abs.

He wasn't getting his eyes off me.

"Y/N, this dress covers like nothing. I get it, your curves look absolutely stunning but you have to change!" He angrily commanded.

"Shut up, can I come inside now?" I asked with a hint of annoyance.

"Yes." He stepped away and walked through the kitchen, into his room.

I could sense his tightened jaw and all of his tensed muscles.

"Slow down. It's just a dress." I pronounced looking at him like I couldn't believe how childish he reacted, and at this point I really couldn’t.

"Do you have ANY idea of what the boys think about you when you're wearing this?" He asked and finally turned to me again.

"I would LOVE to know." I ironically said.

"I don't want my girlfriend to walk around like she's just some bitch. Because you're not. These boys are disgusting when it comes to something beautiful like you, Y/N."

Now I'm a bitch? You're done Jaehyun. I thought but grimaced at the hurting word he just said to me.

I know he also called me beautiful, but that wasn't the word that was spinning around my head just now.

When he noticed my face and that I didn't reply after some seconds he tried to apologise.. of course.

"Babe, you're not a bitch. I didn't mean it. All I was trying to say is-" He wanted to grab my arm but I moved back before he could do so.

"No, I got it Jaehyun. I only look like one." I snapped back at him. Not yelling but also not in normal loudness.

I was even more mad than before. And now, I was also hurt. Dangerous Combo.

"No- I- I think it's just too short, Y/N." He wanted to defend himself.

"I understand." My voice wasn't loud anymore at all, but it didn't sound like I meant it.

My voice was pathetically shaking and I was looking on the ground, thinking if it would be the best to just leave now.

"Maybe I should just go. I mean I wouldn't want a bitch in my room either, so..." Talking with a quiet voice, I looked up at him and I saw fear in his eyes.

"No, please-" He stepped forward and was going to take my arm but I backed away again.

"Don't touch me." I warned. His face was getting pale. I didn't miss his teary getting eyes either when I looked at him.

"I'm so sorry. Please don't leave. I really didn't mean it, Y/N. Please, I am just jealous of boys being able to see what usually only I see." He avowed.

"It's fine. I wasn't ready with my homework anyways. I should leave."

"Don't. I want you here right now. Please, I'll do anything." His begging voice spoke.

"But I wanted to get finished today."

"Y/N?!" Suddenly a different person asked excitedly.

I knew who it was and turned around instantly to look at his good looking face.

"Johnny!" I jumped in his arms and he was hugging me back happily.

"Johnny, not now-" Jeahyun was angry once again.

"Let me hug this precious little girl! Hell, you're getting hotter everyday?" Johnny laughed and we separated. He scanned me up and down and smiled mischievously.

"Honestly, if Jeahyun wouldn't date you, surely I would ask you out." He claimed.

"Definitely." I giggled softly.

He was always letting me feel good. And he was one of the guy friends of my boyfriend that I liked the most. He was funny, hella handsome and so nice over all.

Though everything remained on just a friendship, we just always casually played around.

"Hey, shut the hell up. She's mine." Jaeh growled at him and put his hand around my waist, taking back what's his.

I kept smiling but I was also trying to push his hand away, so it was difficult to keep a happy look.

Johnny noticed the awkward situation and started talking to me again.

"Anyways. Do you wanna watch a movie in the living room?"

I opened my mouth and was about to say something but Jaehyun was faster than me.

"No, we were busy." His cold voice was giving me goosebumps.

He could be scary, when he was jealous. I am talking out of experience. Not too nice ones.

"We were not, actually I was about to leave. But because I didn't see you in so long I will stay longer alright?" I suggested when I was back in my senses.

"That's perfect!" John smiled at me.

"You won't hang with my girl, Johnny." Jaeh protested.

I turned around to give my boyfriend a look.

"Could you shut up for a moment? It's my decision since you don't own me. And I'm a bitch right? So it's normal when I hang out with a lot of boys, isn't it?" I started to grow my confidence back but I was fucking mad.

He won't destroy my moment with Johnny right now!

"Did he do something?" The brunette boy in front of us asked.

He was almost two heads taller than me and since Jeah knew I liked taller guys, he was probably freaking out.

"No-" Jaeh started but I thought he could know the truth.

"He said, I looked like a bitch." I told him.

"You did what, Jaehyun?" His shocked voice asked, searching for a reassuring answer in our faces.

"I said sorry already. I didn't mean it okay?! But the dress she's wearing shows almost all of her legs, not to mention her half exposed butt."

"That's no excuse bro. Look, she looks stunning in this dress! There's no reason to fight over." His friend wanted to convince him.

"You better not look at my girl like that, or I have to punch you until you understand." Jeahyun pushed his chest with his fist.

"Calm down man. You should work it out before you come in the living room, I'll pick the movie in the meantime." Johnny decided and walked away.

"Do you let all boys touch you like him?" Now Jaeh asked aggressively, coming nearer.

Now we both had reached a certain line, so I tried to keep it low with my next words, struggling to find a compromise.

"No. I love you. And I wore this dress because I thought you'd find it cute too. Not to attract other boys. I won't wear it in public anymore okay? But you should the fuck calm down and let me talk to Johnny. After all he's your roommate and friend. He won't do anything I don't want." I explained with a strong tone.

His expression softened finally, giving me hope he'd give in eventually.

"Yes, I'm sorry. Will you forgive me for calling you... that?" He wanted to know with puppy eyes.

"I'm not over that yet. It hurted me, Jaeh. I will forgive you if you let me sit with Johnny and watch a movie with us." I claimed and cupped his cheek.

"Fine." He sighed.

We watched an action movie and had a lot of fun. In between time Johnny touched me unintentionally, during laughing and talking.

Jaehyun couldn't hold back and threatened that he would get angry if he would keep doing that. I told him it was fine and Johnny and I just continued like nothing happened.

Don't let your boyfriend treat you like he's in a higher position than you.

▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎¤▪︎

I'll probably do a masterlist for all the groups I stan and write about.

Hope you enjoyed, stay tuned!!! ♡

[m4st4rd]

i would die for you, clint barton (clint barton x oc)

a/n: HI I’M BACK with a stupid little drabble. the talented @obwjam has reignited my love for comics!clint barton so i wrote a fic of him and an oc. i haven’t proofread it and the ending super sucks but i still managed to churn out about 1900 words so enjoy!!!

i’ll proofread/edit in the morning lol

brig is nb; they/them pronouns pls 

They’re scared, and Clint gets it. He’d be scared, too, if there was some weird giant searching for him. He’s no stranger to the feeling of fear. But when he’s the one causing it, it feels terrible. 

   Brooklyn is in shambles. A new supervillain group tests their weapons on a bank in Bushwick, the Avengers are on the case, a city block is engulfed in chaos and violence. And Clint Barton is searching for a 3-inch-tall person who’s hiding in the alleyway of a Dunkin Donuts.

   He sighs and kneels down, peering under the dumpster. Huddled in the dark is the shaking borrower, who stares back with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. They look like crap: covered in dried blood and dirt, their clothes torn and ratty. But the little guy is stubborn as hell, and hurls a pebble in his direction. They miss by a long shot. He would’ve laughed if the city wasn’t on fire.

   “C’mon out, bud,” he says. A faint boom! rattles the world behind him. “It’s not safe under there. Are you lookin’ to be caught? A rat, an alley cat… God forbid, there might be a human who ain’t as nice as I am.” With a nervous glance behind him, he sees Kate dart past, notching an arrow and letting it fly. “Not to mention that the city’s comin’ apart.”

   They shout something back, and Clint can barely piece together the words leave and alone. It’s not helpful, though, that they’re so small and covered in shadow. And the fact that he can see their teary eyes in the dark is not helping his conscience. Another explosion shakes the earth, and the borrower lets out a wail that he does hear. 

   They’re both getting frantic. He softens his face, puts a pleading look into his eyes. “Please,” he calls. “I can keep you safe.” 

   The borrower doesn’t get to respond. A scream rips through the air, and he’s made up his mind. He jumps to his feet and drags the dumpster back, only getting a glimpse of the sheer terror on their tiny face before he scoops them up in a fist and tucks them into a jacket pocket. It’s not ideal, but if it means they won’t be crushed or eaten, he’ll take it. 

   They’re writhing, and he ignores it. The feeling of them shaking against his chest forms a pit in his stomach. They’re scared, but at least they’re safe.

   The rest of the battle zips by like a blur. Clint spends it shielding the borrower, dodging rubble, and praying to whatever gods present for this little guy to not be so terrified of him. Their shaking has stopped for now, but they’re stiff as a board and flinching with every move he makes. When the fight dies down, he’s left nursing a wound on his shoulder and cupping his hand around his pocket. He’s gotta get out of there, and fast.

   His free hand finds his comms, and he sends a quick farewell message to Kate. She responds quick, familiar beeps filling his ears: Get home safe. See you soon, Hawkeye.

   The message brings a smile to his face, but it disappears when he remembers his job. His day isn’t over yet. 

   He runs his way home. 

   The apartment greets him with blinding fluorescents and a mess on his coffee table. Things that are normally hangover-induced nuisances are now pushed to the far corners of his mind as he limps to his counter. 

   His fingers dive into his pocket, and he does his best to be gentle, but with the little guy swerving away from his hand, he ends up tangled around their limbs, pulling them out in a quivering heap. They’re a pitiful sight; their tiny face is tear-stained, and once they lock eyes, the poor kid flinches back into their protective huddle. 

   They’re speaking, and fast. That much he knows. Their voice is buzzing away. But he can’t understand anything that's coming out. He gets the gist of what they might be saying: there’s a pleading look in their eyes, and their lip is quivering. He doesn’t like this feeling.

   “Hey,” he whispers, cupping his hands closer around the tiny body. “Hey. Look at me.” He nudges their shoulder. They’re practically humming with anxiety. “C’mon, calm down, buddy. You’re okay.” 

   They aren’t making any progress like this. Clint lowers his hands to the countertop and the borrower stumbles off, clutching their chest and scrubbing the tears from their eyes. “Look,” he says softly. “Not touching you anymore, see? You’re fine. You’re okay.”

   He watches with a pang in his heart as they cry for a bit, hugging their knees to their chest, and takes the time to look them over. Their hair is dark and matted, their clothes patchy, their face young, but thin and gaunt. This isn’t the same stubborn little guy he’d met an hour ago; this is someone who is absolutely-fucking-terrified of him. He can barely deal with crying people at his own height; he can’t even begin to comfort someone who’s three inches tall.

   Reasoning sets in as they clear their eyes of the last of their tears. Even if he was well-intentioned, he did sorta… take them. Grab them up and stick them in a pocket. If some giant had done that to him, he’d be pretty scared, too. 

   “Do you understand me?” he tries. The tiny head snaps up, and the kid babbles something that vaguely sounds like sorry and don’t hurt. “No, no, I promise I’m not gonna hurt you… Fuck. I was — I was just tryna keep you safe!” It’s hard to read lips on such a small face, but he gets the gist of it, and it hurts like hell.

   This isn’t working out so great. “Let’s start over, okay? I’m Clint. Clint Barton. And I — I can’t hear you all that well.” 

   That gets them to shut up. The fear disappears from their face, replaced by sheer bewilderment.  (Yeah. As if they’re the one that should be surprised.) They scrub their eyes and stare at him in awe, and Clint can’t help but chuckle. “Weird, I know. But we can figure somethin’ out, alright? You okay to talk? Or just… shake your head, yes or no.” 

   That gets a timid nod. “Great. Good. Not hurt, are you?” A shake. “Thank God for that.” Now we’re getting somewhere. But Clint needs to ask them questions, and he needs to get answers. How is he supposed to talk to someone smaller than his finger?

   His mind is racing. Sign language! It’s a long shot, but just maybe he can get through to them.

   “Do you understand this?” His hands move slow, just in case. But it doesn’t go the way he’s hoping. The borrower shrieks and falls back, and they’re both back to square one. “No, hey, wait! It’s okay!” He signs while he speaks, and the kid watches every move he makes with terrified eyes. “Look — it’s a language! My name is Clint. C-L-I-N-T.” Each letter is deliberate, and with each second, the little guy uncurls from their protective ball. “Now that I’ve told you my name, will you tell me yours?”

   They both fall silent. He holds his breath and watches the tiny face with a furrowed brow. It’s small, almost impossible to see, but there’s a hint of hope in their eyes. He’s so overcome with joy that he doesn’t notice them open their mouth.

   “...ig.”

   He freezes. “Sorry, what?”

   They wither back. “Brig,” they say, louder this time. Their voice is muffled and nervous, but it’s there. And Clint can’t stop himself from smiling. 

   “Brig,” he repeats. “That’s B-R-I-G. See?” He grins. They’re still cautious, but they watch his hands with curious eyes as he signs their name. “It’s nice to meet you, Brig.”

   Good! This is good. Clint can see them coming out of their shell, little by little. They look unsure, but their hands twitch in time with his. “There’s so much you can say with just your hands! This is hello, and this is goodbye. Yes, no, please and thank you— I can teach you, if you want!”

   The magic is gone, and Brig snaps back into their defensive huddle. “T-teach me?” they squeak. “But… would mean…” They glance around the kitchen, eyes widening as they take in the sight. They’re so small compared to everything else. “What about… home?”

   He’s overstepped his boundaries. He kneels to get closer to their level. They reel back, a gesture that goes unnoticed in his concern. “Was that where you live?” he asks. “Near where the fight was?”

   They’re quick to nod. “Left… a bit,” they say. “Rats.” The last syllable is loud, clear, and bitter. “Got caught… the fight.” Brig shrugs, looking nervous and embarrassed. “And by you.”

   Clint frowns. A place like that is dangerous for someone of their size, but he’s in no place to argue. “Is there anyone you stay with? Any family or friends you can go back to?”

   Now they’re silent. His heart plummets when they grimace and look away, a sadness creeping into their eyes. Realization crashes over him when they shake their head.

   He hadn’t thought of that. 

   “You don’t have to stay,” he says gently. Guilt lingers in his chest as he leans back, too, suddenly self conscious about his hands. “I-I can get you back home if you need me too — I can’t imagine it’s all that safe, but if that’s what you want…” The borrower is tense, and Clint is cursing himself for being so hopeful. 

   Finally, after a minute of mulling it over, he gives a resigned sigh. “Damage Control is cleaning the place up,” he tells them. “They should be done in a week or two, okay? You can stay with me, but when they’re done… I’ll bring you back.” Every word hurts more than the last. “Only if you want to. How’s that sound?”

   The kitchen falls silent. Clint’s heart is beating fast, and he bites his tongue as conflicting emotions flicker across the tiny face. “I-I can bring you back now, if you like,” he stammers. “Ya don’t have to stay. A-and you don’t have to tell me exactly where you live, but I can just drop you off and you can be on your way and we’ll b —”

   “I’ll stay.” 

   This time, the little voice comes out strong. “You — you will?” he says.

   They nod shyly in response, and he can piece together what they say next: “Just… back… my feet.” Just until I’m back on my feet. 

   He can live with that.

   Clint’s heart swells with triumph. He can’t remember the last time he was this happy. There’s no explaining why he feels this way. “O-Okay. Awesome. Welcome home, Brig.”

   He glances back at the mess in his apartment, then to the mess of his clothes, too. They’re both covered in dust and blood, but neither care about it as Clint laughs. “We should probably get cleaned up first, though. What do you say?”

   He’s smiling. And for the first time all day, Brig is smiling, too.

   They’ve got a lot of work to do.

[shouldigoondrphil]

The Foxes best and worst qualities

Preface this with saying that I adore all the characters for their best and worst qualities. They’re so real to me because they all have sucky things about their personalities and also things that are amazing. Ya know like an actual person. A good amount of the “bad qualities” are products of the environment they are in but yea here we go

Neil

Best: smart(dude knows like 3 languages), unashamed, respectful of boundaries, chaotic in the best way, the Riko roast(it’s legendary ok), attitude problem

Worst: idiot, no impulse control, trust issues, daddy issues, repressed sexuality issues, dudes got a lot of issues, selfish(listen guys, he willingly stayed at palmetto knowing he could be putting his teammates at risk), maytr(pretty much directly contradicts last point but we love that ig), attitude problem

Andrew

Best: loyal, trustworthy, this is a dude you want in your corner, observant, smart as hell, killer poker face, short demon, beefy, protective, having gone though all he’s gone through but still having the capacity to let people in, the fact that hes a shortie that grown men fear, actually trying to work through his trauma

Worst: turns to violence first, also has a lot of issues but we’re gonna leave those off these lists now, cold to people( just bc it’s justified doesn’t mean it’s a good quality), Justifies his actions as a means to an ends and doesn’t matter who is hurt because of them(I get it but that’s not a good thing)

Nicky

Best: goofball, super friendly, supportive, he literally threw away his life in Germany to be there for his cousins, has so much room in his heart to love

Worst: lowkey a pervert (the Neil kiss cmon man), pretty suggestible(doesn’t have much of a spine)

Matt

Best: god I love this man, the way he treats Neil even when they first met(their friendship gives me such joy man), lion on the outside but a koala on the inside, mans is soft until you mess with his family, a cinnamon roll(I love him),

Worst: maybe a little gullible, I don’t have much bad about him seriously

Alison

Best: a bad bych, so strong( Ik all the foxes are but she gave up her inheritance to play Exy and get out of the box her parents where trying to shove her in), doesn’t take crap from anyone, blunt

Worst: too nosy, insensitive, rude

Dan

Best: my idol (her backstory just wow), doesn’t let the things people say get her down, loyal to a fault, natural leader,

Worst: overprotective, can be overbearing at times, pushy, quick to assume things about people

Renee

Best: the most honest one, has a dark side, her serenity but also capacity to be a badáss, selfless, Joan of Exy

Worst: the scene where she practically sits on Andrew to keep him from getting up during Kathy’s show(I understand why she had to restrain Andrew but I don’t like knowing that Andrew must have felt extremely trapped in that moment in a way he hadn’t fit a long time), lil too peaceful for my chaotic taste

A A Ron

Best: umm he has Andrew’s face next question, ok ok, honestly probably the most normal one out of them all(which sounds weird)(like he has the most realistic reactions as a person outside of the story would have), the way he is around Katelyn(boy is whipped), loyalty of his brother(didn’t think twice before smashing Dr*ke’s head in), the potential chaos he and Neil could create

Worst: homophobic(I don’t see an excuse for this, I get that you grew up with Luther as a role model but your cousin and brother are both gay why do you have a problem with it), hates Neil( I get why I’d probably hate him too in his positions but it’s the principle of the thing. We love Neil even tho he’s an ass period)

Kevin

Best: unapologetic a-hole(literally spends his days telling everyone how much they suck), a mood honestly, strong, persevering(teaches himself how to use his other hand),

Worst: coward(he was guys), self serving and selfish, the Jean abandonment not cool kev

[entireoranges]

I wanted to discuss the three times Din removed his helmet and the significance of each occurrence. I am aware it’s been discussed many times prior in various media styles and by far more educated Star Wars fans. Still I want to share my insight on them. Read it you wish. Or ignore if you prefer. I am ok either way.

The first time Din was near death. A place he had been before I am sure, but he seemed to understand this time was different, more serious. And he seemed almost okay with it. This was to be his faith. He was to accept it. IG-11 pointed out to Din that he was a nurse droid and had the ability to heal him. Great! But...he’d have to remove his helmet. That’s against the code. Even through the mask you can almost see Din struggling with the choice. He didn’t have to die. All he had to do was take off the damn helmet.

Still he couldn’t allow himself to break the oath. Then IG-11 pointed out that the oath said as a mandalorian he couldn’t show his face to another living creature and as a droid he didn’t fit that category. And there it was. A way for Din to be saved and keep his oath.

When the helmet is removed the look on Din’s face is a mix of pain and guilt. Pain for the obvious reasons. It was a miracle he had survived to this point. Guilt because though IG-11 was right with his reasonings Din still showed his face to someone else. One can’t throw away an oath, a life long (almost) promise and immediately be at peace with it.

The second occurrence is one of my favorite scenes and might even be my favorite episodes. It’s important to take some time to discuss Mayfield and his importance of these events. Very clearly he is struggling with a ptsd type event the second he sees Hess. I believe he very likely could have walked to the terminal, did what needed to be done, and himself and Din could be gone before Hess investigates anything. The chance of Hess even remembering Mayfield was quite slim.

Still, Mayfielfd was convinced he’d remember him and everything would blow to hell. Din knows they are on a time crunch and most importantly he had to get to Gorgu. There wasn’t any time to pissy foot around. So he volunteers to go to the terminal instead. Then Mayfield points out he can’t. Because it needs to scan his face. And once more without seeing his face you can sense the oh crap reaction from Din.

Yet...it’s still obvious that Mayfield is still struggling and just standing there was going to start drawing attention. Plus Gorgu. Din knew he didn’t have a choice and had to do it. Still one can tell Din thought/hoped there was a way to bypass the system with keeping the Stormtrooper helmet on. Of course not.

Before he can cover back up and be on their way Hess comes over. Starts asking random questions. Why? Who knows. Din isn’t prepared with any story to tell and is completely blindsided. Mayfield seems to get past his fear and runs in for the save.

The realization on Din’s face when there is no doubt that Mayfield has seen it is of heartache. He had hoped on covering up before anyone saw him. Now two had including a friend. Or whatever exactly you care to categories their relationship as. However Din quickly had to hide that emotion and focus on Hess and the entire conversation.

Then during the lunch Mayfield has the first row on the struggle bus. He is pissed. Of what he did in the past. What Hess did. Angry Hess doesn’t seem to understand that what they did was wrong. Meanwhile Din is likely feeling more naked and exposed then he has since he was a child sitting in the middle of it. He wants Mayfield to chill the fuck out so they can get the hell out of there. Be able to put his mandalorian armor back on and get to Gorgu.

Then Mayfield kills Hess. All hell breaks loose and they end up blowing the whole damn place up. Rightfully so. I love the very nonchalant of I never saw your face Mayfield tells Din as handing him the helmet. With all the shit he gave Din about is it “can’t remove your helmet or can’t show your face” discussion and basically belittling his beliefs in the end he is willing to allow Din to keep his dignity by acting like it never happened. Though with Din’s psychology struggles with it would that be enough?

Finally we have the shortest one. Allowing Gorgu to see him. To touch him. He loves Gorgu as if his own child. It’s a bond and connection Din likely has not felt since he had his parents. Somehow this strange magically green creature had broken through the armor around his heart and it felt right that Gorgu deserved the chance for a real face to face farewell. I wonder if Din put the helmet back on after Gorgu and Luke left or did he turn around without wearing it allowing the others to see him? I hope it was the second and his way of finally accepting the no removal rule to be bs. Though I’m not sure…

Honorable mention we have the earliest one with Omera. I think that was the first time Din considered for half a second of giving up his lifestyle and settling down. He clearly cared for and she brought him peace. But when Gorgu was almost killed reality came rushing back in and he knew it could never happen. Maybe sometime in the future...

[lover-of-skellies]

Writing Masterlist

since this is starting to get longer and longer, I figured I’d put a cut, just to save everyone some time when scrolling through my crap here :P

My other blogs, for anyone who'd like to know where else they can find me on this hellsite: @ohgodallthefandoms-backup (my main), @zlamina (only animal stuff), @skelesinners-r-us (my nsfw skeleton jester/daycare attendant blog), @ask-the-riders (an ask blog for the riders of the apocalypse), @skellies-art (the place where I put all my doodles), @pareidolia-artprompts (a random art prompt blog where I post visual art prompts), and @radical-superstar-daycare (a special blog I made for Daycare Attendant!Fresh, Sonnie (Sundrop!Conquest), and Lunar (Moondrop!Retribution). The newest addition to my blogs is @tsams-and-co-memes, where I post TSBS memes

Pareidolia-artprompts, ask-the-riders, and radical-superstar-daycare are on a hiatus of sorts rn. Just a heads up, ig

Link to my AO3 here

Link to my Redbubble here

Link to my Ko-Fi here

Buy pokemon cards from my ebay here

AU Skeleton Nickname Master List here

FreshDex link here

Do not send me asks requesting donations and such

I'm literally a broke ass bitch and even though I'd like to help, I can't. Plus, I have trust issues with these things and can't afford to potentially lose money on scams right now

Choose Your Own Path routes

Start

Handshake

Baby Ducks

Continue Walking

Fight

Rock

One Last Attempt

Choose Your Own Path 2/CYOP2 routes

Start

Walk a little faster

Unlikely Circumstances

Unlikely Circumstances (Part 1)

Unlikely Circumstances (Part 2)

Nep/Gill/Betta Related

In Deep Water

Betta x Reader ("face reality" prompt)

The Union

Congrats, You're a Dad!

UnderFell/MafiaFell(/MobFell) Related

To The Moon and Back (UF!Sans x Reader)

Light In The Dark (UF!Sans x Nyctophobic!Reader)

Family Secrets

Necro/NecroTale Related

Necro's story (part 1 of ???)

Touch starved (w/Necro)

Red Velvet (a father's day scenario w/Mal and Necro)

My Glitchy Daughter

Nightmares

HorrorTale Related

You Should Be

Distractions (HT!Sans x Reader fluff that very quickly becomes suggestive)

Eat You Up ("hunted down" horror prompt w/HT!Sans)

Marked

Nightmare/Bad Sanses Related

Alone (Nightmare x Reader (kinda sorta))

Nightmare's Puppets

A Way Out

Mother Void

Locked up and left behind (w/Nightmare and Mal)

Mistake/Accident prompt w/Cross and Error (comic)

No Strings On Me (puppeteer prompt w/Error and Nightmare

Little Hellion (Dadmare & baby Nyx)

Sleep Paralysis horror prompt w/ Sleep Paralysis!Nightmare

Abyss (Sleep Paralysis!Nightmare prompt continuation)

Overgrown - prompt w/Nightmare

Comfort food - prompt w/Horror

Rampage - prompt w/Nightmare

Fear of the Dark (Figment!Killer blurb)

I Am Dust And Shadow (Figment!Dust blurb)

Dream/Star Sanses Related

Locked up and left behind (w/Blueberry)

The birth of Yanberry (horror/angst prompt w/Shattered Dream and Blueberry)

Template (and eventually Pale) Related

Template's Offer

Spider Donuts and Scarves (a father's day scenario w/Mal and Template)

Mal Related

Mal to the Rescue/Error Gets Vibe Checked

Mal's New Attack

Mal and Geno - family fluff

Mal's Great Escape

The origin of a name (contains TWs)

And Then There Was One

Mal discovers she's pregnant

Mal meets herself

Ships

A Life Worth Living (CrossMare fluff prompt)

Cause of Death: Love (NightBerry angst)

Greatly Disappointed (NightKiller angst)

Slammed into a wall (w/ErrInk)

"Hang on, hang on, we're gonna fall off the bed/couch-" (fluff prompt w/ErrInk)

Mine ("til death do us part" prompt w/Dark Cream)

Never Speak To Strangers

Start

Check Other Windows

Risky Business

Start

Sure, but we need to make it fast - route

Apologize - route

Try the front door of the facility - route

Use the vent - route

Go into the daycare attendant’s room - route

Other Characters

Forum Deals With Flirting

Kisses, cuddles, and cocoa (UT!Papyrus x Reader)

Paps' Nightmare

That's how much I love you (Yandere US!Papyrus x Reader)

That's how much I love you [part 2] (Yandere US!Papyrus x Reader x Yandere US!Sans)

Info masterlist on my characters

Reasons To Not Mess With Mal or Betta

Kiss prompt masterlist

Headcanon voices/audio edits/voice claims masterlist

Smoochability rating masterlist

Little Thief (NOT AN UTAU FIC)

One Fear (NOT AN UTAU FIC)

Here's a link to my nsfw smutfic masterlist, if you're at all into reading stuff of that nature

And here's the link that'll take you to a masterlist of stuff for the riders of the apocalypse :P it's both an info masterlist and a writing masterlist rolled into one, so ye

EDIT: if you have something you'd like me to write, feel free to send me an ask :) I'm not at all judgmental and I'll write just about anything. I'm even willing to take smut requests as well, if that's more your cup of tea :P (request smut stuff here -> @skelesinners-r-us)

((If any of the links don't work or take you somewhere other than where they're supposed to, let me know!))

[sidecarghost]

Suptober20 - Day 21 Fear Part 1

HighSchool!AU with a little bit of Soulmate trope - this AU has a phone app that can tell you the fears of your soulmate

Part 1/2 (part 2 is an epilogue that kind of changed the feel of the story enough that I decided to split into separate post)

Summary: Dean wants to get Castiel on a date and asks his best friend Charlie for help. Charlie tries to convince Dean just to talk to Castiel, but Dean is sure that Castiel doesn't even know he exists.

“Please Charlie, have some pity on me,” Dean laments tragically. He sits at the lunch table across from his best friend Charlie. He attempts his best puppy eyes to help his cause.

“Just talk to Castiel or I can talk to him. Your plan to rig his soulmate app results is so bizarre. I really can’t believe it has any chance at working,” Charlie counters.

“You just need to have faith, and I’m sure you can do it Charlie. Please don’t abandon me in my hour of need,” Dean begs his friend.

“Okay, okay enough with the guilt trip. You owe me after this Dean. But I’m not hacking Cas’s phone. We share a CompSci class. I’ll just ask him to beta test a soulmate clone app that will be loaded with a few random things you can try to be scared of,” Charlie explains.

“Thanks Charlie, you’re my hero,” Dean smiles enthusiastically.

“I’ll work on the app later, and text you after school,” Charlie tells Dean as she picks up her lunch tray and leaves the cafeteria. Dean floats to his next class with complete optimism that this plan will work.

~~ Later on, Charlie texts Dean ~~

Charlie: How is this for the list of your fears for the soulmate clone app?

Clowns

Cockroaches

Opening up to people

Germs

Demonic Possession

Cat jumping out of locker

Dean: Really “opening up to people?”

Charlie: Yeah, you can walk up to Castiel and tell him that you like him, and you were scared to tell him before. And then we can skip the rest of this bizarre plan.

Dean: Not happening.

Charlie: Okay, then back to our overly-complicated and sure-to-fail plan. How about this list?

Clowns

Cockroaches

Public speaking

Germs

Demonic Possession

Cat jumping out of locker

Dean: Okay this will work, and I have some awesome ideas how to pull them off. Cas is in a few of my classes, so I just need to do some prep and everything will run as smooth as a drive in the Impala.

Charlie: So what are you thinking?

Dean: my awesome plan:

When I see Cas at bus drop off area, Garth can help scare me with a clown mask

During our HomeEc class I'll put a cockroach in my pie batter to scare me

Presenting our projects in civics, I can do a mini panic attack or something

During gym maybe I can get someone to sneeze on me and then overreact

I have a charm from my Uncle Bobby that he said would ward off evil spirits according to lore. But since monsters aren't real I'm not sure how that one will work.

Who has cats at school? I don't think this one will work, can you take it off the list?

Charlie: Ok, so 4 is probably enough, but ig wear your evil charm just in case. And you have totally grossed me out with #2.

Dean: hey, the things we do for love right? I do feel bad for the pie batter tho.

***

Charlie makes her soulmate clone app, and she asks Castiel if he wouldn’t mind beta testing it during their Computer Science class. Castiel looks at Charlie with a fair amount of skepticism, but Charlie is his friend so he decides to indulge her request and installs the app. Charlie tells him a story about how she hit the original app with some machine learning algorithms to feed her clone app. So her soulmate app should be just as reliable as the original. Castiel figures they can just test that theory by opening the original app and seeing if the fears listed in both the original app and Charlie’s app match. Charlie sighs, and says that is very sensible, but she thinks her algorithms may have actually found flaws in the original app, so the results could be different because hers are more accurate.

"Really you think your app could be more accurate Charlie?” Castiel asks with a heavy amount of skepticism. “As in, there is actually a chance that a random generator on some server, is in fact not random but knows who we are destined to be in love with. I don't think soulmates are even something I believe in, do you believe in them?"

"Well, I never used too," Charlie replies thoughtfully. "But I have a friend, and he has been pretty unlucky in love. Maybe some people just keep striking out, because they really were meant to be with one particular soul. And until they finally end up with that person, they just have a lot of heartbreaks and casual flings. Seeing my friend struggle, is enough to make me think that sometimes, cupid can be a soulmate app. Or maybe I'm cupid in this metaphor and the soulmate app is my arrow, I'm not sure. But anyway, I guess what I mean is, romance doesn't only have to exist in romcoms. Sometimes we can let go of our fears, and believe in some greater force like destiny or soulmates or a very efficient machine learning algorithm will find us something we never knew we were missing, like the love of our lives."

"It sounds like your friend is lucky to have you," Castiel says.

"Yeah, he totally is," Charlie smirks.

"So what can I do with your soulmate app to help you and your friend's cause?" Castiel asks.

"Just look over my soulmate app results to see the kind of things that it lists as your soulmate’s fears, and I guess let me know at the end of the week if you found your soulmate, potential soulmate, or at least someone worth a date or two," Charlie says sheepishly.

Castiel checks the clone app results and laughs, "Okay, Charlie I'll keep you posted."

~~

Charlie: Castiel has the app. Good luck! Dean: Awesome! Tyyyy!

~~

Dean is not having good luck with these fears, and is beginning to think Charlie may have been right calling this plan too bizarre or complicated to succeed.

The first failure was the clown. Everything was going smoothly. Castiel was walking by him after leaving the bus drop off, and Garth jumped out with perfect timing wearing his creepy clown mask. But before Dean could say a word, Sam started screaming like a kid possessed. It was all Dean could do to calm his kid brother down and show him that it was just Garth playing a prank. Sam gave Dean and Garth the ultimate bitchface, and any hopes of that fear establishing his soulmate status with Castiel were gone.

Then there was the crisis with the cockroaches. For some reason, Garth was able to give him a cardboard box of several large cockroaches. And Dean was feeling pretty good about his chances of success, because Sammy wasn't there to scream bloody murder at the bugs. But when he went to get the cardboard box he found it empty. As the emptiness of that box registered in his brain, the shrieks from Meg and Jo's station gave him a good clue where the cockroaches were. Dean shook his head, and he looked over to see Castiel watching Meg and Jo take their rolling pins to squash the bugs. "Crap, now Cas is going to think Meg or Jo is his soulmate." Dean was definitely going to have to sell some panic for the Civics presentation.

But it seemed that fate was mad about Dean trying to rig the soulmate clone app results because the Civics presentation ended as the worst failure so far. Dean and his Civic project partners Anna and Kevin had taken their place at the front of the class. Dean checked out Castiel, who was seated in his desk and watching him and his partners attentively. Dean ran through in his head how he could nervously drop some things and sell the whole paranoia for public speaking. While Dean daydreamed a bit about Castiel's sexed up looking hair, he was snapped back to reality by the sound of vomiting coming from his left. He turned to see Kevin had upchucked all over Anna. Apparently Kevin was actually afraid of talking in front of people and that stress had affected his digestion. And it turned out that Anna was a bit of a germaphobe, because she seemed equal parts afraid of catching a disease and disgusted that her clothes were stained in barf.

Dean was faced to admit defeat, every fear meant to establish him as Castiel's soulmate had slipped through his fingers. And unless a demon suddenly appeared he was out of options.

Gym class was the last class he shared with Castiel. Dean was not going to bother to try to get sneezed on. Seeing Anna covered in upchuck was enough germs for one day. His gym teacher told the class to run laps around the building, and Dean began to run at a steady pace.

"Hello Dean," Castiel had run up alongside Dean and matched his speed so they could chat.

"Oh, hey," Dean turned to see Castiel had a slight smile and that was enough to encourage him to return with his own smile. Maybe Dean should try Charlie's original advice and just talk to Castiel. "How's it going Cas?"

"Pretty good. How's your brother? I think I saw him get upset on the way in to school today," Castiel says.

"Oh, he's okay," Dean grins sheepishly. "He is afraid of clowns, and I kind of had this prank idea with Garth. But since I can be a self-absorbed, older brother I didn't really think through how that would affect Sammy."

"Yeah, it seems like there has been plenty of weird stuff going on at school today between the clowns, cockroaches, and vomit," Castiel says cocking an eyebrow at Dean.

"Tell me about it. Sometimes I just wish I could hit a restart button, and start the day over without all the weird," Dean shakes his head.

"You know Charlie Bradbury right? If it was possible to program a restart button I would talk to her," Castiel replies. "We are in Computer Science together, and I think she knows more about the subject than our teacher."

"Oh yeah, I know Charlie. We have been best friends since kindergarten," Dean tells Castiel. "And I have no doubt that she is smarter than your Computer Science teacher."

"Do you mind me asking what that charm is on your necklace?" Castiel asks.

"Oh, just this thing from my uncle. Supposed to ward off evil things or bad spirits." Dean tells Castiel.

"I guess that would be a good thing to wear if you were afraid of demon possession," Castiel deadpans.

"Uh..." Dean finds himself at a loss for a response. Dean has the sneaking suspicion that Castiel has figured out everything about “beta testing” Charlie’s soulmate app. He considers changing course from circling the school, and instead running flat out the entire way back to his house. Maybe Charlie can get him an assumed identity.

Before Dean has a chance to flee, Castiel continues the conversation. “Do you have a cat in a locker somewhere?" He asks with interest.

"Of course not," Dean tries to hold back a laugh and fails. "Charlie was supposed to take that off the list. So I guess you found me out." Dean glances towards Castiel to get a read on his expression.

"Well, I did tell Charlie I'd give her app a chance," Castiel replies with a soft smile towards Dean. "Would you like to go on a date with me later? Maybe we can find out if we are soulmates or not."

"Yeah, Cas," Dean says with a dazzling smile. "I really would like that."

[suckitsurveys]

Do you use e-mail often? I mean, my job is answering emails, so yeah? As far as personally, I don’t send very many but I use it to track packages and get offers and crap.

Do you hear any animals right now? Yes, my cat Ramona is next me, purring crazy loud. I also hear my neighbor’s dog prancing around upstairs. 

Are you in a well-lit room? No. The lights are off and there’s very little natural light. I have our LED light strip on though. 

Is your trashcan full? It is. Which reminds me, I have to fucking clean this house on my lunch break.

What was the last crunchy thing you consumed? Cereal.

Did you view anything disturbing today? Yeah.

Are there any holiday decorations in your house? Not really in our apartment. The cats would destroy them. We have a santa hanging on our front door though, and I plan on putting up some lights out front either today or tomorrow, but I need batteries for them.

When was the last time you had a terrible headache? Yesterday.

Have you recently put lotion on your hands? Yes.

Are you hungry? Not very. I do want another bowl of cereal though.

Is it rainy where you’re at right now? It was recently but it doesn’t seem like it now.

Do you carry a purse? If so, describe what it looks like. I had a purse but I didn’t want to have to keep wiping it down when i left the grocery store so now I just take my wallet when I go in. I have a backpack I take everywhere thought that has clorox wipes and hand santizer and alcohol spray and some other necessities. 

Is your cell phone on vibrate? Yup.

Is your dishwasher full? We don’t have one.

When is the last time you saw someone you like/love. About half an hour ago. If I lean to the left far enough I could see him in our bedroom.

Do you like to wear gloves? When it’s cold, sure.

Is there a body of water near where you live? Yeah, a pretty big lake. A Great one, actually. :P 

What are your thoughts on Avenged Sevenfold? I don’t have any.

Are you wearing anything pink right now? Nope.

Do you like to swim in the ocean? I’ve only done it twice.

What is the creepiest bug you’ve ever saw? I HATE earwigs and centipedes.

Do you currently have split ends? My sister recently cut my hair so they aren’t horrible. 

When is the last time you used the bathroom? Like half an hour ago.

Do you chew on your lip? More like the inside of my cheeks.

Are you afraid of needles? I am not.

What is the last thing you lost? I don’t recall. When is the last time you saw a bald person? My dad on Saturday.

What car were you last in? My own. 

Do you like Batman? Yeah. Have you ever played tennis? Yeah, not like on a team or anything.

Can you see a star shape in the room you are in? Yes. There is a wooden star cutout on our TV shelf. I also have a star shaped nose stud but I can’t actually see that. 

What are you sitting on? My really uncomfortable couch. We ordered a new one in October but it’s still not here and I want it so baaaaaaaaaaaaad. 

What is the last warm thing you touched? My kitty.

Do you use hand sanitizer? All the damn time. 

Where do you want to go in life? I don’t know.

Are you sweating? No.

When is the last time you had to scratch an itch? Recently.

Are you in any kind of club or group that is trying to save animals? Not currently.

Who is the last blonde you saw? My nieces. 

Where were you two hours after you got up, and what were you doing there? I got up at 7. Stayed in bed and worked until about 9. And here I am now on the couch working.  Do you wish for world peace? Of course that would be the dream.

Have you ever played fetch with a dog? Yeah, and a cat.

What is the nearest object that is wood? Pretty sure parts of this couch are wood. And this table I am using is probably a wood composite. 

Do you use Netflix? Yeah.

Does your house have a fireplace? I wish.

Do you wake yourself up in the morning, or does someone else? Usually myself or my alarm. Sometimes Mark will have to nudge me awake.

What kind of hoodie did you last wear? I currently have on a grey Cubs sweatshirt.

Do you play games on your computer? No. I do on my phone though. 

What is the last video game that you played? Wii Bowling.

Have you ever pet a stingray? I have! At the beginning of this year actually.

If you were on vacation, would you ever go to Ireland? Sure, if someone paid for it.

Are you logged into Myspace right now? Uh, no. I haven’t logged onto Myspace in YEARS.

Did you have anything bad happen to you today? I woke up with a headache. 

Have you ever been to New York? State, yes.

Do you use the term “lol” if you don’t have anything to say? Sure.

Should you be sleeping right now instead of taking this survey? I wish I was sleeping. I’m technically working, lol.

Can you truly say you hate anyone? Yes.

Have you ever disected a baby pig in a class at school? Unfortunately. 

What brand of dish liquid do you use? Method. We have this sea salt and lime or something scented one I bought earlier in the pandemic because the other cheaper ones were sold out but we both fell in love with it so that’s what I buy now.

When is the last time you ate a Hershey Kiss? Probably around Valentine’s day.

Do you ever feel unappreciated? Sometimes, yes. But then I get uncomfy when I am appreciated? Lol. 

Do you currently have any blemishes on your face? SO many. I have this zit I get in the same spot on my forehead every year around Christmas but this year TWO of them came, thanks. I also have maskne and my usual acne from touching my face all the damn time. 

Who is the last baby you held? My 2 1/2 year old niece is still a baby to me. I held her yesterday.

Do you use smileys often in text convos? Sometimes. I use emojis more in IG and Facebook captions.

Do you have the Google toolbar on your computer? Yeah.

Do you like Sunkist? I don’t hate it.

Would you ever consider being a cannibal? WHENEVER YOU TELL ME I’M PRETTY, THAT’S WHEN THE HUNGER REALLY HITS ME, YOUR LITTLE HEART GOES PITTER PATTER, I WANT YOUR LIVER ON A PLATTER. Ah, the early days of quarantine on tik tok. 

Did you forget something important in the past week? I don’t remember...

Do you like learning new things? Yeah.

What color is your toothpaste? White.

Are the floors in your house creaky? No, we are on the bottom level so there’s no sub floor to creak.

Do you fear death? Yes and no.

Is your mouth dry? Not currently.

Do you have any scars from an animal? Nah.

Did you have fun with this survey? It was fine.

Was it random enough? Sure.

[herwoefulcountenance]

“L+N”

After several years those etched letters remained untouched. She had satisfied her curiosity but in return memories of her younger years played in her mind. They weren’t all too pleasant. Her eyes welled with tears. 

Her fingertips traced along the rugged wood daring not to come an inch closer to where the first letter of her name was engraved. 

She was taken back to when she was thirteen. 

It was the last day of the winter term. She hid amongst the shadows in an empty classroom. Her slender frame pressed against the cold wall as she eavesdropped on a pair of students that passed by. 

“You know she stays here every vacation. Her family doesn’t want her to come home.” a small female voice spoke

“I don’t blame them. She’s so annoying. Even the name Lestrange makes me sick.”

The young girl usually was well mannered but when it came to anyone provoking her in such manner she felt the need to defend herself.

Pushing herself into the hall, disrupting their path “Oscausi!” Leta commanded her wand. It felt good, it was what they deserved for talking so much crap. Their mouths were sealed tight. Appearing as if they hadn’t had mouths, to begin with.

Leta ran before she could face her punishment from professor McGonigal. A radiant yet mischevious smile came across her face. 

To ensure her safety Leta swung open a side door, throwing herself inside. Who would’ve thought slamming a door shut wouldn’t give her away? She pressed her ear against the door listening to the students shouting and running by. They were searching for her. They wanted justice but why when she was the only one who deserved it? and she got it. 

The girl became startled and in response jumped. She turned around to see where the source of the sound of something moving came from. Leta felt a sudden sense of relief it was just Newt. She made her way up a small flight of stairs before seating herself across from Newt. The room was quite dim as the only source of light came from the stained glass window they both sat next to. 

“Why aren’t you packing?” she inquired. It was odd as of course, Newt’s family would love more than anything to see him during their vacation from Hogwarts. He was fortunate, unlike Leta.

“I’m not going home.” the red-haired boy simply replied. 

“Why not?”

“He needs me. He’s hurt,” he answered

Her brown eyes observed her surroundings. Seeing all the tanks Newt managed to store in the room along with the different creatures. Her eyes then met with the raven chick he held in his soft palms.

“What is that?” she asked curiously

“A raven chick.”

She let out a short surprised gasp. The girl was intrigued.

“The ravens my family’s emblem,” she informed before he had transferred the chick from his hands to hers. Leta still had some sense of pride for her family at that moment despite all that has happened.

She’s sixteen.

Defense of the dark arts a class she proved to be skilled in. The curly haired young woman stood in line. A feeling of nervousness washed over her as she was up next after Newt. She watched as Newt revealed his boggart to the class. A fear of having to work in an office. The class erupted in laughter but she couldn’t bring herself to laugh at all. She felt nauseous. Her palms were covered in beads of sweat as she tightened her grip on her wand. 

“Oh god, what will they think?” she thought to herself. Perhaps she could back out by－

it was too late now. Newt had transformed his boggart into a mechanical dragon.

“Well done.” Dumbledore praised as Newt made his way to the back of the queue. 

It is now her turn but she can’t bring herself to move. Like a deer in headlights, she stands there petrified and terrified. She didn’t want them to see, she didn’t want them to know. 

Professor Dumbledore turns to Leta “it’s only a Boggart, it can’t hurt you. Everyone’s scared of something.” he spoke kindly, urging her. 

The group of girls behind her watch intently feeding off of Leta’s reluctance. “I’ve been looking forward to this,” one whispered. 

Her chest heaved resulting in a deep breath she took before forcing herself forwards. It didn’t take long at all for the boggart to transform before her. And there her fear was displayed in front of everyone present. Leta felt vulnerable, uncomfortable. Everyone’s laughter and chatter came to an abrupt stop as they watched her boggart in horror and shock. Even professor Dumbledore is astonished. The room became dark green as a white blanket floated before her, a tiny human hand showing through. 

She couldn’t. She couldn’t face her fear it was engraved deeply in her mind. Leta ran out of the classroom not caring about what smart remarks anyone had to say. She didn’t care if professor Dumbledore was unhappy in her leaving class abruptly. All she needed was some space, time to recover and think. Her boggart wasn’t something simple it held a much deeper meaning and hurt. 

Newt finds Leta seated by the lake after class. In her slender hands were crushed flower petals that she had picked from the grass around her. She looks up at Newt her tearstained eyes meeting his. “I don’t want to talk about it!” she exclaimed. The young woman made it clear to him as he respected her wish. The freckle-faced boy extended his hand as an offering. She latched onto him allowing for her friend to pull her up from the grass. Together the pair walked in silence making their way to an old gigantic tree. Newt coaxed out one of the Bowtruckles. The tiny thing stood on his finger as he began to speak about the Bowtruckles but Leta didn’t hear a single word he spoke. She was zoned out, realizing something she couldn’t put her finger on before. She had developed feelings towards the young man. In her eyes he was dreamy. He was the only one there for her, the only one who showed her attention. Newt was more than a loyal friend in her heart but she couldn’t admit that. 

A young love lost.

Snap back to reality

Her nostalgia interrupted by a familiar voice. 

“This is a surprise,” Dumbledore spoke witnessing Leta sitting at her desk her back facing him. 

A tear flowed down her cheek. She hadn’t bothered to wipe it off. Leta closed the desk slowly before standing up. She wasn’t in the mood to speak with Dumbledore after what she had experienced. Her suppressed memories climbing up from the depths of her mind. It stung. 

“Finding me in a classroom?” she began monotony “Was I such a bad student?” she questioned the man now facing him.

Oh, she was cold.

He shifted his weight rebounding from the doorframe he stood against, arms crossed. “On the contrary, you were one of my cleverest.” 

She raised her voice annoyed. She just wanted an answer. “I said bad, not stupid. Don’t even bother answering I know you never liked me.” 

“Well, you’re wrong I never thought you were bad.” 

“You were alone then. Everybody else did.” Her voice cracked her gaze shifting down to the ground just how everyone looked down on her “They were right. I was wicked.” 

Silence. He gave what she had said a thought, trying to find the right words.

“Leta, I know how painful the rumors about your brother Corvus must be for you－” he was interrupted by her. She was becoming hostile. 

“No! you don’t. Not unless you had a brother who died too.” the woman protested too soon. 

“In my case, it was my sister,” Dumbledore returned. He related to his ex-student.

Leta searched his face intensely yet a hint of curiosity showed. She took a step forwards cocking her head to the side as she furrowed her brows. 

“Did you love her?”

Dumbledore shook his head in disagreement, pressing his lips together “Not as well as I should have.” He took a couple of steps towards the troubled woman “It’s never too late to free yourself. Confession is a relief I’m told. A great weight lifted.” 

She stares at him as if he were crazy. What did he know? Confession, a relief. Sounded easier than done. Would confessing truly help her? Confess to whom when those she should confess to weren’t around? Confessing wouldn’t bring her brother back wouldn’t fix the mistake!

He lowered his voice hoping the words pouring out of his mouth would get to her. Perhaps not now but maybe later. 

“Regret is my constant companion. Do not let it become yours.”

IG: lestrangediary I need more friends I have nobody xD

[confessionsofafoodaddict]

I’m Sorry Kimberly (and Kimmie and Kym and Kim...)

I’ve been working on step 9 (amends) for several months now. I’ve been held up by three that I need to make, one of which is to myself.

The reason I’ve been held up by this is because I realized that many of the things I’d be making my amends for I was still doing to myself. And that the crux of step 9 after all.

It isn’t enough to simply say “I’m sorry” for behavior (or a lack of action)... you then have to do the most important next step—stop DOING the behavior!

And I just wasn’t there yet. I knew that I could say sorry, but i wasn’t in a place mentally, emotionally, or spiritually to STOP the behavior.

When I finally mustered the courage and humility to write my amends to myself and send to my sponsor, I was shocked at what I realized.

Many of the things I have held resentment over I actually played a large part in. It’s not that the person who did those things gets a pass... it’s that I allowed it much of the time. I either led them to believe they COULD do those things or didn’t stop them when they happened.

And in realizing that, I felt suddenly freed and cleansed. If allowed it in the past (both long ago and recent past), then I could NOT allow it in the future. I can have a say.

It reminded me of something I recently posted to IG... what you allow is what will continue. And I realized that I have allowed an awful lot of crap in my life... so I shouldn’t be surprised that it continued.

Given this, my living amends, the amends that happens now that I’ve said my “I’m sorry” to myself is that I vow to no longer allow those behaviors that have harmed me in the past, be it behaviors of others or those I do to myself.

While I won’t share my entire amends list, there are several that I think others can benefit from... and ones that I need to see daily (if not hourly) to remind myself of my vow.

Dear Kimberly...

I’m sorry that I allowed you to believe that what you looked like was your largest currency—the idea that your weight, your appearance was what determined your worth.

I’m sorry that I allowed you to think that you had to be a super achiever to be loved, noticed, wanted. I’m sorry that, no matter how much you did and how much you achieved, you never thought it was enough.

I’m sorry that I allowed you to give your body away to boys and men just so you could feel wanted and loved, only to have you end up confused, feeling dirty and often used.

I’m sorry I allowed you to deal with emotional traumas and hurts with truly destructive coping mechanisms, including promiscuity, alcohol, and excess food.

I’m sorry I taught you to never ask for help because you never trusted you’d get it.

I’m sorry I allowed you to second guess your feelings, your intuition, your “gut”, and your heart.

I’m sorry I allowed you to believe that anger and fear and sadness were emotions that were unhealthy and not allowed and something to hide, ignore, rationalize, or simply sweep under the rug, as if they’d magically go away.

I’m sorry you always thought you had to put others’ needs before your own.

I’m sorry I allowed you to treat your body like it somehow didn’t belong to you… I allowed you to do it with food, with purging, with self-mutilation, and with men. I’m sorry I didn’t make you see that your body is, truly, a temple and that you can treat it as such… that it is your right and your goal to treat it gently and lovingly, and that anyone you grant access to it should also treat it that way.

I’m sorry I allowed you (and even lead you) to believe that, when it came to romantic relationships, that you weren’t good enough for good people. That I led you to be attracted to the men who would hurt you. Instead, I allowed you to believe that that WAS what you deserved. You didn’t.

I’m sorry I never helped you know, deep in your marrow, that YOU are the whole package and to hold yourself and conduct yourself and respect yourself in a way that showed you knew that about yourself.

I’m sorry I allowed men to push you, violently threaten you, disrespect you, mentally and emotionally abuse you, to place their hands on your face and throat, to drug you, to assault you… and mostly that I allowed you to accept it by staying in those relationships instead of leaving.

I’m sorry I never taught you healthy coping mechanisms… ways to feel the feelings and to learn to work through them, rather than around them or not at all. I’m sorry you felt you had to numb out the pain rather than deal with it.

I’m sure there are many, many other specific things, but at the heart of all of them, it boils down to my deep sorrow and regret for not showing you (teaching you… allowing you) to love yourself… to respect yourself… to know your worth.

My vow is to work every hour of every day to replace these old ways of thinking with thoughts and beliefs that you are amazing, you are loved, you are loving, that you deserve love and respect, and to show that every day by respecting and loving yourself.