#extremely self indulgent lol but they make me laugh

[exocaliii]

❦︎ And You Look Half Dead Half The Time

(pt. 1) (pt. 2)

| Kang No-eul / Guard 011 x fem!reader |

side! | Se-mi / Played 380 x fem!reader |

Summary: For six years, you've watched your best friend and only companion mourn a child she barely got to know. Now, you're given a chance that might finally rid her of this lifelong guilt.

Word Count: 6.2k

Warnings: death, violence, angst, hurt/comfort, smut, making-out, fingering + cunnilingus (r! receiving), bathroom sex, one use of Y/N even though I tried my best to avoid it lol, extreme jealousy/possessiveness, no-eul is not playing about her girl in this one LOL

A/N: finally reached the romance stuff in this one but there's still some build-up of course, hope you all enjoy and as always, i appreciate any type of feedback or comments, they make the writing worth it!! :D this is so self indulgent omg

—

When the platform begins to spin, you feel a firm grip on your hand, looking up to find Se-mi already staring at you with a calm expression on her face.

“Stick with me.” 

You nod, and before you’re able to check on Min-su, you’re nearly thrown off your feet by the sudden stop of the surface you’re on. 

“10 players.” 

The boom of the announcer clears your senses, and as Thanos and Nam-gyu laugh and spin, you see another group of five waving their hands for more people. You shout at the loudest volume you’ve used since arriving here for them to come over, and with a tight grip on Se-mi’s hand, you drag her to the open room right across the arena. Thanos, Nam-gyu, and Min-su (who you can now see was hiding behind Se-mi) follow right along, and, thank goodness, the other team of 5 do the same. 

“Are you okay?” You don’t respond to Se-mi's question because the answer should be obvious with the way you’re trembling, but she only nods in understanding. “Just stay calm, it’ll be fine.” You want to believe her, you truly do, but you see Min-su’s fear, and in that moment, you accept that this may be the game that kills you. 

The lock clicks open.

Your group of ten steps out, stepping over the blood of those who lost the last round.

You want to retch, but you stay focused and get back on the platform. 

With your hand in Se-mi’s, you block out the happy singing of Thanos and Nam-gyu, opting instead to pat Min-su’s back when you see him basically shaking like a leaf. He jumps, but turns to you with a grateful look in his eye. You pray that he lives, because someone like him should not die in a cold place like this.

“4 players.”

Your heart drops. Thanos glances back and forth between the three of you as Nam-gyu stands at his side. Your heart feels heavy in your chest, and your legs are stiff, ready to run. His eyes stop on Min-su, and you know what’s about to happen.

“You-”

“I’ll go.” 

Se-mi barely has a chance to react before you rip your hand from hers and run to find another group. Somewhere in the bustle of the crowd, you swear you hear her call your name, but you’re too locked onto three men in the distance. They’re already in the room, but they’re calling for a fourth person. Fear threatens to strangle you as you run over, the countdown playing loud in the overhead speaker. Their eyes are desperate, arms open to beckon you over to save both your life and theirs.

 

At the last second, you basically ram into one of the men as you barrel into the room, one of them slamming it shut behind you not even a second before the lock clicks. No one speaks as shots ring out from outside the room, and you begin to come to terms with your act of sacrifice for someone you had just met yesterday. 

Fuck, what were you thinking? Are you in this to win or not?

The lock clicks open, and you all step outside. There’s even more fresh blood on the ground, blood that you ignore as your eyes search the arena for your old group. 

“Y/N!”

You spin fast enough to snap your neck at the sound of her voice, and Se-mi runs over to you followed by the rest of the group. You think she’s about to hug you but she stops just short of it, arms lowering back to her side awkwardly before she resigns to grabbing you by the shoulders instead. For a second, you stare at each other in silence, neither knowing what to say.

“Oh shit, that was too cool girl.” Thano’s voice ruins the moment, but before you all begin heading back to the platform, you hear a soft voice from behind Se-mi.

“Thank you.” 

Min-su meekly looks at you with obvious guilt, and Se-mi drops her hands from your shoulders to take your hand as you all walk back towards the center. It’s comforting to have her hand in yours again (especially after you almost died letting go of it).

“It’s fine, I already saw the other group before leaving.” Obvious lie, but he didn’t need to know that. 

As you all begin to spin again, Se-mi gives your hand a short squeeze before looking down at you with a gentle smile that, as always, almost looks like a smirk.

“I was right about you.” You chuckle at this and turn away to hide your reddened face, but of course, the moment doesn’t last very long. 

“3 players.”

The three of you barely spare a glance at Thanos and Nam-gyu before you grab each other’s hands and run off, hearing the rapper scream a curse at your betrayal. You almost want to laugh, but you’re too focused on holding onto Se-mi and Min-su’s hands for dear life as you run towards one of the few open rooms still available. 

They’re filling up too quickly, and out of the corner of your eye, you see two other groups scrambling towards the one room you have your sights set on. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you come to the horrifying realization that groups of three might be too small to fit everyone that was still alive, even if they were all paired up. The thought makes your legs move that much faster, but just as you’re about to reach your safe haven, a body collides with yours and sends you flying towards the floor. 

10 seconds left.

“Min-su?!” He was on your left, but where is he?

7 seconds left.

“Get up, get inside the room!” Se-mi. You’re pretty sure it’s her rough hands that grab your sweater and pull you up.

5 seconds left.

“Where is he?! Min-su!” You stumble over your feet, your mind reeling as you’re bouncing back and forth between trying to find him and trying to follow Se-mi into the room.

3 seconds left.

“Wait! Wait, please help me!” He’s half on the ground, half fighting against a man trying to get up in front of him to enter a room to your right. You’re already in yours, and an arm wrapped tight around your waist prevents you from running out to save his life once again. 

1 second left.

“Let go! Min-su!” 

The buzzer sounds right as the door slams shut in your face.

The lock clicks shut.

Somewhere outside, you hear gunfire and the desperate cries of men and women who failed. 

For a second, you think you can hear him begging for his life, but then a single shot rings out and his fate is sealed.

—

Somewhere in the haze of emotions, you continue to grasp onto her arm like a lifeline. Your head rings, and you don’t even hear the announcer’s call for each of the next two rounds. It’s Se-mi who makes sure you’re right next to her the entire time, no matter which group you join or which room you scramble into. She doesn’t bother to ask if you’re okay (because it is extremely obvious this time, with tear tracks on your cheeks and shallow eyes staring into the distance), but her firm hold on you still shows her underlying care. That, and the slight shake of her body reminds you that despite her previous bravado and confidence, she’s still human just like you. 

When the game ends, you step over the blood of the losers to make it back to the main room (you wonder if you had stepped on Min-su’s as well - the thought of it makes you sick to your stomach). 

Thanos greets the two of you with excitement even after you left him and Nam-gyu in the dust, but you don’t even have it in you to entertain his antics now. Your head was pounding, and the only thing keeping you from curling up into a ball on the spot was Se-mi’s arm around your shoulders; she was holding onto you like you would curl up and die if she let go, which you might. 

When you both settle into her bed, you really begin to feel the weight of his absence. 

“I’m sorry for grabbing you like that,” she says, her voice quiet as if you were a deer about to sprint away. “...You wouldn’t have made it in time-”

“I know.” You’re curt, almost rude, and you feel bad immediately for your outburst. It wasn’t her fault, you reminded yourself. It wasn’t her fault that your first selfless moment in this hellhole means nothing now. “I… I’m sorry. You saved my life. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that.” Her hand caresses yours, soothing you into finally allowing your tense body to relax.

Something about her gentle demeanor coaxes out a more peaceful side in you, and you lean your head on her shoulder. You’re pleasantly surprised at her lack of resistance, and something in your gut burns when she leans her head right back on yours. 

For a second, you think about No-eul and feel a strange amount of guilt creeping up on you, but Se-mi changes her grip on your hand slightly to interlace your fingers and it all goes away. You owe nothing to her. Companionship isn’t something she should bar you from looking for when you face death at her hands everyday now. 

What’s so wrong with finding your own comfort in the beautiful, kind, and unexpectedly soft woman sitting next to you? 

—

350 million won. 

It’s enough for those smugglers, enough for her, and so, it’s enough for you to change your vote. 

When red LEDs light up your face and you begin exchanging your blue patch for a red one, you feel the weight of the entire situation crashing down on you. 

You chose life this time. From now on, if you die, it won’t be of your own volition anymore. This fact disturbs you greatly, so you’re quick in pushing through the crowd to get right back to Se-mi’s side. You’re glad she chose to live too. If you made it out of here, you wouldn’t want to lose contact with her. Trauma bonds are pretty strong apparently. 

—

When two groups of men start walking out of the bathrooms covered in blood and money begins to fill the pig again, you shuffle a bit closer to Se-mi, and her grip on your hand tightens. 

Supposedly it was a brawl, and from the frantic head counts of both sides, the O’s had lost one extra man. The sight of a bloody Nam-gyu shuffling onto Thano’s bed, shaking from the drugs with a frantic, bloodthirsty look in his eyes made your stomach drop. Now, there was no idiotic rapper to take hold of his leash, and you were sure he would want to kill you two after you turned your backs on him twice. 

The cold steel of the fork you took from dinner provided a comforting weight inside your pocket. 

“Se-mi.” She turns towards you.

“Yeah?”

“Sleep on this side tonight, okay?” Your grip on her arm is tight and you know you must look completely shaken by now, but she still gives her signature confident smirk.

“Sure, but you better make it worth my while.”

Your face goes red and you scoff, making her chuckle. God, you’re glad you have someone like this by your side.

—

When the screams begin, you immediately dig into your pocket and pull out your makeshift weapon. You want to call out for her, but you’re terrified that if you make a single noise, you and her will be swarmed by the wolves tearing apart the people all around you. 

Where the fuck are the guards?! No, who are you kidding, of course they would sit by and let you kill each other. Probably the highlight of their night. Under the fear, you feel so much anger and pain at the situation that you can barely focus.  

No-eul’s face flashes in your mind once again but now, you’re beginning to struggle to differentiate her from the other murderers all around you. 

No, no, no. You can’t think that way. She’s not like any of them.

“You traitor bitch!” You turn your head down to look for the familiar voice, and to your utter horror, Nam-gyu is standing right below you. Across from him (and cornered against the wall) is Se-mi. Even with the strobing lights, you can see the intense fear under her angry expression. “I’m gonna fucking gut you!”

When he charges at her, you make one of the easiest choices of your entire life and roll off the side of the bunk. 

You nearly miss your landing, but your fork doesn’t and his scream of pain reveals that instantly. You take both him and yourself to the ground, but your heart is racing and you can still feel him bucking from beneath you, so you don’t get a chance to breathe before yanking the fork out of his shoulder and slamming it back down into the side of his neck. The feeling of it sinking it and spraying your hand with hot blood is sickening beyond belief, but you block out everything except the feeling of his squirming beneath you and raise the metal above your head again. 

You aren’t sure how many times you bring it down on him, but a body colliding into yours knocks you out of your spiral.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Se-mi’s voice barely comprehends in your ears, but you can feel her arms around you clearly. “He’s dead, it’s okay, we’re okay.” Her hand rubs your back soothingly, and only then do you realize there are tears pouring down your cheeks.

Your chest heaves as you openly sob, clinging to her like a lifeline and unintentionally smearing the back of her sweater with Nam-gyu’s blood. You shut out everything but her voice, and even when the guards enter and fire into the air, you don’t find yourself flinching once, simply dropping to the floor still in her arms.

—

When some of the players gun down all the guards in the room, you hide in the corner with Se-mi (who was still whispering comforting words into your ears). You watch as players 120 and 456 take center stage in the room, shutting down the last bits of the riot and forcing the one square-mask guard onto his knees. They call for others to join them, others with military experience or even those with the faintest idea of how to use a gun. 

Of course, you had military experience right alongside No-eul, but the ache in your body and the tight grip Se-mi has on you keeps you from getting up. Your head pounds and spins as your eyes begin trailing around the slaughterhouse of a room. 

Dead people in green, dead people in pink. Your eyes linger on the guards and their triangle-masks, immediately recalling the shape No-eul had on hers. 

What if…

No.

The moment the team of rebels leaves, you go to get up but a tight grip on your forearm drags you right back down. 

“Hey, hey, where are you going?” Her eyes are confused but her voice is just as gentle as it’s been the entire time she sat there combing her fingers through your hair and whispering about how brave you were and how thankful she was. “Talk to me please, what’s wrong?”

“I just need to check something, that’s all.” She doesn’t look satisfied, but Se-mi lets you get up after you give her a brisk hug and a strained smile. 

With a shaky breath, you begin to make your rounds. You can feel the eyes on you as you walk up the first guard and pull off their mask, letting out a quiet sigh of relief at the lack of familiarity in their dead eyes. 

With each one, you grow more and more tense, steeling yourself for the possibility of seeing No-eul’s empty, dead eyes staring back at you. 

It would be the thing that kills you. The loss of your reason to fight in the first place. 

Kneeling down next to the final guard, you can barely breathe as your fingers brush against the edge of their mask. Your hands are shaking so bad and you curse yourself for your sudden lack of strength. You would die if it was her. You would pull that fork out of Nam-gyu’s neck and jam it in your own if it was her. 

Shutting your eyes tightly, you tug it off and let it clatter to the side. Your breathing slows when you peek and immediately recognize the face as belonging to a younger man’s, not your No-eul. 

Please God, give me this one thing and let her live. Let us leave with my blood money and never come back.

—

You can’t even feel joy or disappointment when the rebellion inevitably ends in a whimper. 

456 is dragged in and from a quick glance around the room, you see that 001 and 390 are missing as well. 120 and 388 sit dejectedly not too far away from you, and you can’t help but feel for them; they were people, far stronger than you, that failed to be the heroes. You can’t judge them, you never even considered fighting alongside these brave people in the first place. 

Now that everything has calmed down again and lights-out happens like every other night and not the bloodbath that ensued earlier, you’re far more aware of the sticky feeling of blood on your skin. Your sweater even feels slightly heavier, the entire front of it stained with deep red fluid.

“I-I need to wash this off.” Se-mi, who was almost drifting off next to you, shoots awake and gets up right behind you.

“I’ll come with you.” It’s an unspoken fact that she definitely would, but you’re still happy at the confirmation. 

In the haze of everything that’s occurred, you completely forget that No-eul has been the only reason you’ve been able to get into the bathroom these days, and the only reason she lets you in is because you’re you. So, when you call out and the door opens as usual, you’re confused at her stiff posture. However, after a weird awkward silence, she steps aside to let both you and Se-mi in, almost slamming the door behind you two. 

—

No-eul’s eyes trail you two as you enter the bathroom together, and she can barely control herself from charging in there and kicking 380 out altogether; she had warned you about people like her, so what were you still doing clinging to her side like that? Moreover, seeing the blood practically covering your entire front was like a gut punch. 

She should’ve been there. She should’ve blown the heads off of whoever did that to you. She’s been careless, and she understands that now.

The worst she felt was during the Mingle game. Each time she had been sent in, her breath would hitch and she would hesitate for a few seconds at the entrance, eyes scanning the wide open area for any signs of you. Every single time she failed to spot the number 037 on the clothes of those she shot, a weight would be lifted off of her shoulders. 

After the final round, the room doors had opened just before she was able to leave through the soldier’s door. She takes the chance to search for your kind face, and instead is faced with the sight of you practically hanging off of 380, a lost, soulless look in your eyes. Pain for your sadness mixes with some other ugly emotion, and for a second, she lets herself imagine how your expression would change if she sent a bullet through 380’s heart. 

Would you cry out for that woman, or would you call No-eul’s name out of instinct, like a lost animal begging for comfort?

In the end, she simply leaves with her fellow soldiers, silently cursing herself for such a violent thought. 

—

As you scrub the blood off your face, neck, and hands, you do your best to not let your gaze drift back over to Se-mi. She finishes cleaning up long before you, and you can feel her eyes on you as you scrub away. But no matter how hard you seem to scratch at your hands, the faint red tint just won’t come out. Your breathing grows heavy, and you begin to rub at it harder with the soap. 

Your hands are still red.

The blood from his neck covers your hands, the sounds, the sounds-

“That’s good enough,” a soft voice sounds from beside you, gently taking your hands in hers as you shake.

“No, no, there’s still blood, I-, there’s still…” You turn your hands this way and that, examining them and the red tint you can’t seem to get rid of.

“It’s not blood, you’ve just been rubbing too hard…” She shushes you gently and her thumbs begin tracing circles on your raw palms. “I’m sorry you had to do that, I really am.”

You can only shake your head and press your face in the crook of her neck. It’s a familiar position, one you were in only last night but with a completely different woman. She’s just as soft as No-eul, but she doesn’t wrap her arms around your body and pull you close. Instead, her fingers find the zipper of your bloodied sweater and gently begin to pull it down. The motion makes you back away a little, and she lets your sweater fall to the ground after tugging it off you. 

It’s freeing without the weight of all that blood on you, and your heart swells when she takes off her own jacket to put it on you. This is the kind of care you rarely find yourself receiving, and whenever you did, it was usually by the hand of only one other person. You would have never expected the cocky, confident girl you met two days ago would become this important to you. 

You were right about her. Se-mi was the ever genuine, ever caring woman you hoped she was after your first real conversation together, and you wonder if the world finally decided to go easy on you for once by sending you a beacon of strength in the middle of this hellhole. 

“Thank you, Se-mi,” you breathe out, the feeling of her fingertips grazing the skin of your arms still present long after her hands have dropped back to her side.

She doesn’t respond. Her gaze is still heavy on you, but this time, you hold eye contact and let yourself drown in her eyes. For a split second, you’re sure you see them dart down to your lips, and you think she might just eat you alive with the way she’s examining you.

In an act that surprises even yourself, it’s you who leans forward and presses your lips against hers. Cliche fireworks don’t go off, but the second she reciprocates by grabbing the back of your neck to deepen the kiss, you feel the tension between you two finally reach a high point, and it’s euphoric.

You hold each other with pure, unadulterated desire as one of her hands travel down to your waist, pulling you in. The kiss deepens and somewhere in the back of your mind, you think of No-eul. She was right outside that door, what if you were caught?

What the hell are you thinking about right now?

“You’re beautiful, so perfect,” she whispers, and her words make your heart beat that much faster. “My brave girl.” Se-mi breaks the kiss to press her lips against your neck now instead, drawing a moan from deep in your throat. She’s still holding onto you like her life depends on it. 

Unfortunately, your mind is still whirling and you have to remind yourself once again that you owe No-eul absolutely nothing. She shouldn’t and wouldn’t be angry over you finding someone to love, who loved you in a place like this. Is it wrong to search for comfort when you’re so sure you might die tomorrow? Especially from someone like Se-mi, who has done nothing but protect you and care for you.

Your hands tangle in her hair as she slides a hand beneath your shirt-

“Player 380.”

You spin around as the door slams open, a gruff voice making you jump apart from Se-mi. You shouldn’t feel ashamed, but you do, especially when you can feel No-eul’s eyes trailing up and down your disheveled form, and you know she knows exactly what happened here.

“Get back to the room.” You look down to see her revolver gripped tightly in her hand, as if she’s fighting the urge to lift it.

“Just give us a couple more-”

“Now.” She practically growls out that last word, and you can hear a click in the silent bathroom as she loads her revolver at her side. 

Se-mi is brave, but she’s still smart enough to realize that she’s being threatened and would not win a fight against the taller woman with a loaded gun. WIth her head held high, she takes your hand and begins walking around the guard, but No-eul steps in her way and shakes her head.

“037 stays.” You all pause, and Se-mi grips your hand tighter.

“What? What the fuck are you on about? Just let us go back to the room-”

“She stays. Now get out before I make you.” No-eul takes a step forward, hand raising to point the barrel of the gun in Se-mi’s face. 

It’s difficult to hold herself back when she’s this close to doing what she wants with this random woman who’s begun impeaching on her world. The barrier holding you and No-eul together, apart from everyone else, has been disrupted, and she begins to wonder if you’ll actually hate her if she pulls the trigger now. She wants to, especially hearing you fucking moan for this woman.

Where else has she touched you? 

Her trigger finger twitches. 

“It’s okay, Se-mi,” you whisper, breaking your gaze from No-eul to look over at her. 

First name basis? You really want her to kill this woman.

“Just go, I’ll see you in a bit.”

Se-mi looks at you, confusion apparent in her features, but your face is perfectly calm and even though that disturbs her a little, she accepts it. She’ll trust you to stay alive with this psycho.

“Okay, just call out for me if you need anything.” No-eul scoffs at this, earning a glare from Se-mi before she walks out the bathroom. She spares you one final glance over her shoulder, and with a nod from you, she exits.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?!” You’re practically burning with anger at her behavior, but No-eul ignores your outburst and walks over to the door, turning the latch to lock it before turning back around to look at you. “You think ‘cause you have that mask on you can just go around pointing your gun at everyone?!”

“And what the hell were you doing?” She pulls her mask off, throwing it to the floor before pulling down her face covering. Now, you can actually see the anger simmering beneath her eyes, an accusatory look on her face as she steps closer. “Were you planning on having sex with her or something? This stranger you just met?”

Your face begins to burn for a different reason now.

“That’s… that’s none of your business. I’m a grown woman, I can decide what I want to do or not do.” Your voice is far too unsure and she laughs sarcastically. Running a hand through her sweaty hair, she approaches to stand right in front of you. Your breathing slows as her eyes trail down your face, locking onto the number 380 right above your heart. Her lips curl into a frown and she grabs Se-mi’s sweater, looking like she wanted to burn a hole through the number on your chest. 

To her, it’s a reminder of her failure to protect you as she swore she always would, and now, in the wake of this failure, another person has come along and threatened to take her place - a place in your life she would kill anyone to keep. 

“Take this off,” she breathes out. The air is tense, and you almost want to deny her just to see what she would do, but fuck, she almost looks genuinely hurt and you can’t say no now. 

With your eyes still locked onto hers, you slowly pull the sweater off and let it drop to the ground at your feet. Her eyes are still pinned to your chest, but now you’re so close that you can feel her soft breathing on your face. You swallow harshly and press your face against her shoulder, bunching up her pink tracksuit in your hands as you pull her closer. The feeling of her so close again kills all the tension in your shoulders. This is the safest you’ve felt in 24 hours, and it’s in the arms of a woman who’s been killing people like you the entire time. 

You’re almost a bit ashamed, but what’s wrong with being a bit selfish for once?

You’re shaking in her arms when she pulls back slightly to cup your wet cheeks in her hands. You hadn’t even realized you had started crying again, but now, she’s looking down at your glassy eyes and swollen lips with so much intensity that you forget why you were crying in the first place. Her thumb swipes a tear off your cheek before she leans down, lips brushing against yours. 

“My beautiful girl.”

Finally, nine years after the day you met, she presses her lips against yours and claims you as hers. Faintly, you feel your back collide with the wall behind you as her tongue slips in your mouth. You’re holding onto her suit for dear life as she practically devours you, and you wonder how you were ever angry at this woman. It’s far more intense than the softness you experienced earlier with Se-mi, and you’re beginning to feel the effects of being pent up for so long. 

It’s not like you’ve never had sex with her before (to be fair, it’s only happened once), but this was far too emotional to be compared to the drunken haze you were both in when she fucked you over the seat of her van. There were no kisses shared then, no gentle caress of your face before she took you for herself. 

You’re dragged from your own thoughts when you feel a hand slide under your shirt and bra, gasping into her mouth as a cold hand cups your breast, roughly pinching your nipple between two fingers. You whimper right into her ear as her lips move down to your neck, sucking and biting as you openly pant. She’s practically surrounded you by now, but it’s not enough. 

With trembling hands, you grab the zipper of her pink suit and yank it down to reveal her slender body underneath. She practically tears the black turtleneck underneath the suit off as you stare. Your fingers scratch down her toned torso and you drink in the wonderful groan that leaves her mouth. As you’re preoccupied, she tugs on the hem of your sweatpants, pulling them down right along with your panties in one pull. 

Faintly, as her hands grip the plush of your thighs, you try to determine if you’ve ever felt such strong feelings of desire, of love, of anything with anybody. 

No, you’re sure you’ve felt this before. 

Your eyes shoot open as she calls your name. Somewhere in the haze, No-eul has dropped to her knees in front of you, and now, she’s looking at you like you hold the world in your hands.

“Do you still love me?” A pause, and her fingers press harder into your thigh, cold leather gloves long forgotten on the floor. “Can you still accept me?”

Every moment that you remember being so close to that overwhelming emotion, No-eul is right there next to you. 

“I’ve loved you since the day we met.”

A tear falls from her pained eyes, but you aren’t given the opportunity to wipe it away before she leans forward and presses her open mouth against your core. A gasp leaves your mouth and you immediately tangle your fingers in her short hair. It’s a bit too much to take in all at once - the woman you’ve loved for years is fucking you, and this time, you think she might actually love you back.

No, who are you kidding, you know she loves you. Maybe not as much as you love her, but she has to love you if she’s on her knees like this for you.

With the comfort of this knowledge, you lean your head back and lose yourself in the feeling of her tongue deep inside you, strong hands holding you still against the wall even if your legs feel like giving out. As your moans and pants fill the room, you beg internally that Se-mi isn’t waiting right outside the door to walk you back (or at least let the sound-proofing be decent). 

Unsurprisingly, after a couple years without any genuine intimacy with anyone (you couldn’t bear to let anyone fuck you after No-eul did), you reach your peak quickly. It doesn’t feel like some triumphant moment; your legs shake as the tight coil in your stomach unwinds and it’s satisfying to some extent, but you can’t stop the sudden rush of tears that follow. 

Why did your acceptance of your feelings for her have to come in a place like this - covered in the blood of someone you killed with your own two hands? 

Your legs finally give out in your grief, but she’s quick to catch you, leaning back to properly sit down on the floor as she carefully guides you onto her lap. For a moment, you just tuck your head in her neck and cry as a hand gently rubs your back. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” No-eul whispers, caught up in her own guilt for leading you down the same hateful path she accepted long ago. Why did you have to love her? Why did you have to follow her road towards self-destruction, the one she vowed to shield you from?

You want to tell her that she has nothing to be sorry about because you chose all of this on your own, but you can’t bring yourself to speak. You’re worried that if you open your mouth now, all you’ll do is start spouting nonsense about how much you love her and how much of your humanity you would forsake to protect her dream. 

Instead of further exposing yourself, you gently take the hand she’s kept on your waist and guide it down lower once again. To her credit, she understands right away and you’re given no time to prepare for the two long, slender fingers she pushes inside you. The sound of your sharp inhale right next to her ear must’ve been enough confirmation that you were okay, because she immediately starts moving them up and down inside you, rubbing gently against your still sensitive walls. 

Your hands wrap around her back and grip her shoulders as your hips begin to move in tandem with her hands, your heavy breathing a stark contrast against her soft one. The hand she had on your back is still there, soothing you until your tears turn from ones of sadness to ones of pleasure. 

As the high you’re chasing starts to get closer, you tear your nails down her back. Even though she’s still the same person as she was minutes ago, something feels different this time.

“Please don’t stop, please-”

“I won’t, I swear.” The hand on your back flies down to grip your hips to hold you steady as your movements grow more frantic. “I’ll never let you go, not for anything.”

You almost fall forward when she suddenly leans back, but you catch yourself on her shoulders once again. This time, she looks you square in the eyes as she pushes you over the edge, her gaze filled with an emotion you know too well.

“I love you,” she breathes out, and this is all you need to fall apart in her hands. “I’m in love with you, I can’t let you go, I won’t.”

In the afterglow of the moment, she wraps her arms around your waist and pulls you right up against her body.

“Even if you can’t love me anymore, I’ll continue holding onto you for the rest of my life.”

You smile at her words. You feel more content than you ever have before.

It wouldn’t be so bad to die in this place now.

—

A/N: my bad min-su fans and nam-guy fans, its for the plot y'all😭😭also if im being completely honest, I started writing writing this longass story just for smut with no-eul but it got so unexpectedly deep cuz I couldn't handle writing it with no build-up or emotional tension or ANYTHING

hope y'all enjoyed and LOL to the fellow FREAKS out there I hope the smut was alright cuz that was the most difficult part for me... LMK WHAT U THINK!! pt. 3 is coming in SEVEN MONTHS LMFAO😭😭😭SEASON 3 SAVE ME... SAVE ME SEASON 3

also if u request feel free to add details and stuff I might be able to build it into a longass story like this (but WOW this took too long) also I LOVE TO WRITE SAD SHT!!! SEND ME SAD SHT ILL LOVE IT!!

Taglist: @asvterias

[jeusus]

The wine aunts.

Ye Baiyi brought some incredible tea from Four Seasons Manor. Lan Jingyi and Que Siming can't believe what Wen Kexing has done NOW.

[rosemoncherie]

birthday kisses: t.wolff

pairing/au: toto wolff x black socialite!reader smau

summary: toto spoils you on your special day.

warning: nsfw 18+, mdni, age gap (reader is late 20s), fluff, pet names, toto is giving sd vibes but he’s your bf, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasms, overstimulation, squirting, unprotected sex, praise kink, minor size kink, breeding kink, soft!dom toto tendencies.

note: this is extremely self-indulgent and the sexual content is extremely explicit and long so please read those warning before continuing. yesterday was my birthday and I couldn’t stop thinking about him lol. enjoy my loves!

tags: @queenshikongo3 @bluesole16 @christinabae @aisharmi @hoziersfairy @queenzee27 @omgsuperstarg @lewisroscoelove @itsyagirlmeee @joviallljas @serpenttines-library @hrlzy @sugardontbesweet @tallrock35 @tian-monique @f1-hoff @peyiswriting @thewolffswife @mochiminimoni @bekindbecoolbeyou @xoscar03 @kenbechillin @rehenys @hellomadamebutterfly

w.c: 3.6K

[ INSTAGRAM ]

thelovelyyn

liked by uchjn, wolfiecindy and 340 k others

thelovelyyn Despite his busy schedule, loulou was able to make time for me and fly us out to our special place for my birthday 💋.

view limited comments

uchjn happy birthday wifey! tell loulou that he better give you the world or else I’m on him!

⤷thelovelyyn uchjn 😂 he read your comment and he said he won’t let you down!

⤷uchjn thelovelyyn that’s what I love to hear 🤣

userfan21 happiest of birthdays beautiful!

userfan35 please! are you finally going to tell us who loulou is? 😭

⤷thelovelyyn userfan35 maybe … 👀

⤷ userfan11 thelovelyyn i will be totally normal about this

lewishamilton happy birthday little one 💜

⤷thelovelyyn lewishamilton thank you Lewis 😊

userfan44 is Lewis loulou???? Like the nickname would make so much sense!

⤷userfan66 userfan44 I highly doubt it’s him. Lewis has been hanging out with Jamilah Riley a lot, like a suspicious amount.

⤷ userfan44 usefan66 oh purr! I still want to know who it is because she’s been soft launching loulou for ages now. I’ve had enough 😭

You giggled as you read through the comments on your post as laid beside him. After Toto had woken you up with flowers and an early breakfast, he dragged you back to bed and played with your body until you had climaxed as least twice.

“What are you laughing at?” He asked as he turned his face into your neck and placed soft kisses on your flushed skin.

“My followers are trying to guess who you are.” You replied as you placed your phone onto the side table and shifted your body so that your legs were entangled. Toto’s disheveled hair was softly brushing against his forehead as he looked down at you with a lazy smile on his face.

Your body was in his arms as you laid beneath him, skin to skin.

“I thought that we had agreed to become public today?”

“I know but I want to keep the suspense going on a little bit. I’ll post something later, in the evening.” You explained as both of your hands were on the nape of his neck, playing with the strands of his hair.

“Whatever you want sweetheart.” Toto mumbled before leaning down closer and brushing his lips against yours. Your body melted as you opened your legs further as he slotted his body in between your thighs. Your mouth fell open as you gasped, feeling his hardening cock on the flesh of your thigh.

His kisses were like molasses, his tongue pouring into your mouth like sweet honey. Your cunt was weeping for more of his attention as if he hadn’t been inside of you an hour ago. Your manicured nails scratched at his scalp which caused him to groan into your mouth.

Toto broke away from the kiss and trailed tender kisses along your jawline and then down the column of your neck. “If I don’t stop now, we wont be able to leave this bed and every thing that I had planned for us for the day would go to waste.” He whispered into your skin before he took a deep breath and pulled his body away from you with great reluctance.

You smiled at him as your eyes drank him in, letting your gaze explore every part of him. Years of experience showed on him and he wore them with great confidence. Hard in the right places and soft in others and you loved every inch of him. His thickness stood erect in between his legs. Thinking about the way that he had brought you pleasure over the year and had your thighs clenching.

A part of you wanted to tell him to forget about the plans and spend the day with him in the suite with your body on his. However, the fact that Toto would need to fly out to Saudi Arabia for coming race weekend put your lazy thoughts to rest.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Toto mumbled, a smiled blossoming across his face as he swatted your rising leg that had been coming towards his chest.

“I can’t help it. You’re too handsome.” You complimented him which caused him to roll his eyes as he got off the bed and picked you up into his arms and began walking towards the bathroom.

“You flutter me sweet girl but today it’s all about you. I should be the one showering you with praises.”

“You do that everyday.” You giggled as you placed a peck on his chest.

“And you deserve it even more today.”

[ INSTAGRAM STORY ]

thelovelyyn • 30 minutes ago

[ TWITTER ]

“I think our fans have caught on before the main post has been uploaded. We’re the talk of the twitter streets all thanks to your back.” You told Toto as you walked to the main area of the suite where he was he packed your presents and gifts away.

“I was wearing a cap and a jacket, how did people even pick up that it was me.” He chuckled as he turned around to you at his full height.

“You have a pretty distinctive figure. I’ve spent so much time looking at you that I could probably point out who you were even if my vision was blurred.” Your last comment caused Toto to laugh.

He took your hand into yours and pulled you into his embrace until he was able to cup your head into his hands. “Did you enjoy your day baby?”

“I loved it. Thank you for everything.” You whispered as you looked into his eyes. Toto had spent the day spoiling you. A trip to the local market to get some sentimental souvenirs and then a personal boat ride along the coast line. You spent most of the day out in the water swimming and enjoying each other’s company.

Once back on land in the evening, he took you to dinner at your favourite Italian bistro and surprised you with a live performance from a local artist that you come to love since the last time you had visited the area.

Despite all of the materialistic things that he had been able to provide, Toto had poured his love, time and care into you and you overwhelmed with how much you loved him. You were happy.

His eyes danced around your features, drinking them in like he was looking at you for the first time. He held you in his arms as your bodies seemed to dance to a silent tune.

“I love the way you look at me.” You softly say as your eyes lock with his.

“I love looking at you.” His head tipped against your forehead causing his nose to bump against yours. The touch aroused a shameless giggle to leave you before your lips touched his. Your arms shot up and wrapped around his neck as you relaxed into his hold.

His hands moved along the sides of your body and across your back as he pulled you in closer as he enjoyed the feel of your soft skin underneath his fingertips. A soft sigh left you as Toto had began to press kisses on your neck until he got to the sweet spot where your jaw met your neck.

You could feel his smile against his skin as you jerked in his arms as he used his teeth to tease the sensitive spot. Toto let his skim over your drumming pulse, leaving a kiss on the vein as he made his way back up your jawline before stopping in front of your lips.

“Toto.” you mumbled against his lips as your eyes peered up at his.

“Yes sweetheart?”

“Don’t take it easy on me. I want it all.”

“Are you sure you want that tonight?” He smirked, raising one eyebrow at you as he leaned back to look at you to check for any uncertainty.

He found none.

“I’m sure.”

He took you to the bedroom and did not waste any time in undressing you. Laying kisses on your skin as he did so and by the time he was drawing your thongs down the length of your legs, you were drowning in your own arousal.

Toto laid you on the bed and pulled you to the edge of the bed. Something dark and filled with lust rested in his eyes as he sank to his knees before you. Without breaking eye contact, Toto leaned in and let his lips touch the skin on the inner most part of your right thigh – it made goosebumps prickle across your skin and a hitch of breath to get stuck in your throat.

He softly chuckled at the reaction. It was the same one every time and he would never get tired of hearing it. His eyes locked in your soaked cunt and he groaned.

“Look at this pretty pussy.” He said. “All messy for me isn’t it schatz?”

“Y-yes,” you managed to stutter out – your whole body alight under his dark gaze. Toto hooked his hand under your thighs and then placed them over his shoulders giving him the most perfect view of your wet cunt.

“You told me not to take it easy on you yeah?” He whispered as you looked down at him. This time you didn’t give him a verbal answer, you just nodded your head. Toto closed the distance and buried his face between your legs. He started with a kiss directly on your clit before he dipped lower to taste you properly. Small and breathy sighs escaped your lips as your hand ran through his hair to keep it from falling over his face but also to anchor yourself as the flat of his tongue lapped at the seam of your cunt, not letting any of your arousal miss his mouth.

His mouth felt so good.

His mouth always felt so good but today there was something electric in the way his tongue teased your hole before going back to pay attention to your clit.

You couldn’t hold back your moans. Your legs dug into the groves of his back as you moved your body bucked to the patterns of Toto’s tongue.

“Oh fuck!” You exclaimed when he found your clit again, an intensity building in your core as you continued to buck your hips into his face. Spurred on by your noises and movements, Toto sucked on your sensitive bud, laving his tongue over it in lazy strokes and repeating the actions over and over until your legs were trapping in his head.

You squeezed your eyes shut as your back arched off the bed. Your orgasm was approaching quickly and all it took was one more sweep of his tongue on your clit before your floodgates opened and you came into Toto’s mouth. Your body had locked up and kept him in between your thighs as you tried to calm down.

Your first orgasm had rocked you. For how much Toto loved to speak, he also knew how to use his mouth very well for other things. When your legs began to relax, he pressed soft kisses in the creases of your thighs.

His kisses trailed back up your body as his big hands held you steady while your chest heaved for breath as you tried to calm down. He hummed as a lazy smile spread across his face as he hovered above you. He was still dressed but his skin was tinting red with the bottom half of his face, wet from your cunt.

“Sit up and lean against the pillows.” He instructed you. You didn’t hesitate to follow what he had told you. “Spread your legs … yeah, that’s it.” Toto kept his eyes on you as he stripped his body of his clothing. He stood in front of her at the edge of the bed with his cock in his hand as he jerked himself.

Your hands were itching to travel down body and shove your fingers inside of your pussy but he hadn’t told you to do any of that. You bit your lip as you watched him continue stroking himself. He was clearly affected too.

He was panting as he used his thumb to spread his pre-cum across his tip. The move caused you to lick your lips with a slight hunger.

“You want my dick in your mouth baby?” He smirked as he caught you.

“Yeah.” You whispered as a blush creeps up your cheeks. The bed dips with the weight of Toto shifting on top of it until he was hovering above you.

“Maybe tomorrow but tonight is all about me giving you exactly what you wanted.” He shocked you by shifting your positions until you were above him. You gasped as you placed your hands on either side of his head to steady yourself.

“Sit on this dick. Take it.” You settle your legs comfortably on either side of his waist as he leaned back on the headrest as you hovered your hips above his impressive cock. You placed one hand on his shoulder as you guided his dick into your cunt.

His hands steadied your hips as you slowly sank down onto him. Your mouth fell open as the size of him stretched your walls open. Your cunt was still softly aching from this morning but you felt whole with him back inside of you. He tried to ease you all the way down and once you were filled to the brim.

“Uuuuhhh.” You whimpered feeling him so deeply. Toto reached forward and placed a soft kiss on your chest as he moved one of his hands to the bottom of your back and began to guide your movement.

“That’s it schatz, takin’ all that cock for me like the good girl you are.” He praised you as you rocked forward in his lap to the set tempo.

“You always feel so deep like this.” You breathed out as you dug your nails into the muscles of his shoulders. The expression on your face right now is why Toto loved starting out with you on top. He smiled as soft mewls left your lips.

“Because it feels good doesn’t it liebling.” He cooed and you frantically nodded your head. You couldn’t answer because all you feel was his cock hitting your spot and you could see stars behind your eyes.

“Bounce on this cock baby. I need you to come on my cock.”

You had tried to start off slow but you were already tethering on the edge of your second orgasm. Your bounces were fast and eager - the drag of his cock inside you felt so different tonight. You opened your eyes and took him in. His eyes were glazed over as he parted his lips to let out unrestricted sounds. The noises that he made were deep and rugged, moving his hips to meet the momentum of your pleasure.

“Liebling you’re squeezing me so tight.” He groaned. “You’re about to come aren’t you? You’re about to come on my cock.”

“Uh-uh,” you moaned as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. Your thighs were burning from how fast you were working them but it didn’t matter until his thumb hit your clit.

“Oh shit! Oh shit!” You gasped as you fell forward until your head hit his shoulders as your entire being shook as your climax rocked your body. Both of his hands wrapped around your waist as he stilled you and fucked up into you as you fell apart in his arms.

Breathy, whiny moans left you in quick succession as you drenched his length. Feeling your cum soak him causes Toto to loudly groan. “I love the way you soak me.”

He held you until your tremors had subsided.

Then his soft touch turned hard. Toto folded your body, pliant under his touch - he put you underneath him on your stomach with your ass in the air, supported by pillows as your still quaking legs.

Toto pushes back in and your eyes cross at the stretch of his cock. Your fingers pull at the sheets underneath your fingertips as you mewl when he bottoms out, hips flush against the back of your thighs. “My perfect girl. Tight like a vice around me. You have no idea how good you feel.”

“Baby.” You whimpered as he moved to pull out until only his head remained inside. His hands parted your ass cheeks as he watched himself sink back into you.

“I wish how beautiful your pussy looks when it’s stuffed full of me.” His words were dripping with unadulterated filth. His words, his hips powering his thrusts, his scent, you were completely drunk with lust.

When you had told him to not take it easy on you, you had assumed that Toto would take you hard and fast but no, he took the other route of overstimulation. You were only able to handle two orgasms before your body became sensitive.

Your third orgasm was on the rise.

He lowered himself until his strong chest was pressing into your back - his teeth nipping the tip of your ear. "From the moment I saw you that day, I knew I had to have you. You were so beautiful schatz.” Your walls clamped down on him involuntarily, wrenching a pained noise from him.

"Fucking hell, this pussy is magical. And it’s all mine.”

“It’s y-yours baby.” You gassed through rugged breaths of air.

“That’s right baby. I’m never letting you go.” Toto grinded into your ass, going in so deep it felt like he was trying to touch your womb. He placed his hands flat on either side of your head as he rolled his hips in a rhythmic languid motion until loud, squelching noises coming from where the two of you were connected.

Your hands wrapped around his wrists as you took his pounds in stride. “Oh please!” You cried, begging as your stomach tightened in knots. Toto growled as he shook your hand away and wrapped his palm around your neck and turned your head in a way that forced him to look up at you.

He placed a chaste kiss on your lips. “The look on your face right now makes me want to fuck you more.”

You were at a loss for the words. In the time that you’d been with the older man, he’d never fucked you like this - this was the fucking of a man unhinged and you loved it.

His whole body was covering you with his full weight behind every spine-curling thrust. His hand was restricting your air as his dick punched the breath out of your lungs, wails clawing out of your throat but failing to come out.

Toto had finally broken you. You mind had gone blank and your body seemed to have gone momentarily numb as you finally snapped —

Your mouth fell open as a loud scream left you, your eyelids squeezed shut as you broke underneath him, heat gushing from where Toto continued to sink into you with a steady, slow rhythm that never ended

“That was the hottest fucking thing you’ve ever done for me sweetheart. Squirting all over me but still taking my dick because you’re such a good girl huh.” His praise made you swoon and clench tightly on his cock.

Your bodies were drenched in sweat and the musk of your love-making.

Toto dragged your bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on it hard as you took his sloppy thrusts. His harsh panting was music to your ears until he moaned “I’m so close baby, so fucking close.”

With all of the strength that you had left, you mastered the words that would break any man.

“Come in me, please.”

And they definitely broke him. His body collapsed, dropping the both of you onto the bed. His hands gripped your hips as he slammed his hips into yours. One … two … three … Toto roared out his release - his cock twitching inside of your used cunt and filling you with his spend.

His damp forehead touched your back as he took in deep breaths of air as tremors of his climax send waves through his body.

Your eyes were closed as you silently took in how thoroughly fucked you had been. Then he began to leave kisses along the column of your spine.

“Happy birthday, princess.”

Happy birthday to you indeed.

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liked by lewishamilton, jamilah.riley and 523 k others

thelovelyyn Thank you to my loulou for making this birthday one for the books. i love you

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mercedesamgf1 Happy Birthday YN! The factory misses you.

⤷thelovelyyn mercedesamgf1 thank you! will be visiting again soon!

lewishamilton thank god. now people can stop thinking that we’re together.

⤷ thelovelyyn lewishamilton like anyone wants you anyway 😆

⤷lewishamilton thelovelyyn my girl would beg to differ

teamlh6 lewishamilton your girl????? EXCUSE ME!!!

mercfan01 A true fashion girlie is about to grace the paddock. I’m living!

ynfanpage05 the fact that you’ve been together for a year now 😭 we need the pictures sister

⤷thelovelyyn ynfanpage05 Toto hates selfies but I’ll post all my fave pictures over time 😂

userfan829 Seeing Toto with you has charmed me.

ynfan178 I would have never expected that you guys would be a couple but seeing the two of you together is like a breath of fresh air.

——————————

ru’s letter: please let me know what you think! 💋

[christinarowie332]

hands head between my thighs

matt sturniolo x reader smut .

basically just matt being a massive thigh guy , a munch and a softy little bitch 🤓

warnings : smut …. ovs , slow f-receiving , kinda short as this is just a filler .

this is extremely self indulgent. i love my thighs . that’s all .

———

matt is allways clingy . allways . but somehow in the winter that is magnified impossibly more . here we are in bed , watching suits on his laptop . my legs are bear under the covers with only shorts on and one of matt’s sweaters loosely on my body . he’s wrapped up in a t-shirt , hoodie, sweatpants and fluffy socks …… bro is still somehow shivering.

“matt .baby?” i ask looking down at him , his scalp being the only thing i see as he lies on my chest watching the show on my lap .

he hums into my body before turning around and looking at me , i smile at the red mark on his face from laying on me for so long and move the hair from his face . i love when he’s like this , just the way he’s so gentle and vulnerable, only i see this side of him , he’s allmost “submissive” in the least weird way possible. a little spoon in all meaning of the word . “how are u still cold?” i ask giggling slightly, he brings his hands up and places them on my bare skin , his icy fingers making the hairs on my skin prick up . “matt your hands are freezing” i say while readjusting myself under him , a stupid amount of concern lacing my voice.

“i know , they just won’t get warm , i feel like they’re gonna freeze off” we both laugh at his words and i stay silent before i get an idea .

“matt this is gonna sound rlly wierd but…. do u know what helps me when my hands are cold?” i ask , trying to think how to word my next sentence, embarrassment shoots through me when i notice his confusion. “put ur hands between my thighs.”

“huh” his eyes go wide at my words , i realise how wierd that sounds and try to blow it off . (lol) .he sits up slightly, and i start to explain.

“i don’t mean it like that you wierdo , but , my thighs are warm as fuck , trust me , just warm them up .” i say gesturing to his hands. he thinks about it for a second beofre moving himself down and wrapping his arms around my leg , putting both his hands at the inside of my thighs before i close my legs , trapping his hands there . his head is on my stomach as he cuddles up to me , i lazily put my hand in his hair and start to comb the strands gently , him letting out a sigh at the feeling . “your right jesus , it’s like a radiator .” he says laughing and i drop my hand to his head , giving it a light jokey smack .

we stay like this for a while , both just enjoying each other’s warmth and watching tv . this is interrupted when i feel matt shift and kiss my upper thigh , moving down . i try and ignore him , i know exactly what he’s doing , so i open my legs just slightly so he can remove his hands . i feel a loss where his hands used to be placed but i feel them again in the top of my thighs as he continues to kiss the skin of my upper legs , nearing closer to my pussy , sucking and biting leaving marks over my legs . “matt” i whisper out and move my hips upwards, feeling myself grow more and more aroused as he places a soft kiss to my clothed clit .

“can i?” he asks making me look down at him , his eyes screaming fuck me as i feel his stubble scratch my inner thigh at his kisses . i nod and he moves my shorts down my legs , continuing kissing up my thighs until he spreads my legs gently. the cold air hitting my pussy sends a shock to my spine before i feel his mouth replacing the warmth.

his tongue travels up , licking from the bottom to the top before his lips circle my clit and he places a soft kiss to the nerves . my hands find their way to his hair , softly letting my fingers work the strands as he continues moving his tongue around over my clit . i pull his hair and thrust forward as i feel his tongue move into me , moving it slowly inside before reattaching it over my clit again and replacing his tongue with his fingers. he hums against me at my tugging and i feel the vibrations against my core , tightening the allready strained knot in my stomach.

his fingers reach inside of me , curling them and speeding up his movements, hitting a spot inside that makes my head throw back and quiet whimpers fall from my mouth. he smirks against me when he hears this , speeding up his pace knowing i’m close .

“matt fuck , don’t stop , oh my god please , don’t stop” i whisper breathlessly. his cold nose sending shocks through my body as i feel it graze my clit as he moves away to speak.

“give it to me baby , come on , please.” he replies before continuing . i’m sure i can feel him spell his name with his tongue against me . at the thought of this and his continuous pace , i become undone over him . i string of moans and curses along with his name , like a mantra as he eats me out through my orgasm . i’m a heavy breathing mess when he comes up . his stubble shining with my arousal, a lazy smile on his face which is returned before he kisses me . the taste of myself is still on his lips , we continue to kiss before he places single pecks along my face and neck and slumps down to cuddle up to me .

his head rises and falls on top of my chest , still out of breath from my orgasm as i feel myself nodding off into sleep . that is before i hear him speak .

“i think i nutted in my sweatpants.”

that’s my man .

———

taglist:

@mangosrar @soursturniolo @biimpanicking @kvtie444 @kenzieiskoolaid @cabincorematt @urmyslxt @chrisenthusiast @mattsd0ll @iheart2021chris @recklesssturniolo @lovingsturniolo @loveesiren @paper-crab @daddyslilchickenfingers @strniohoeee @ermdontmindthisaccount @sturnphilia @bluesturniolo333 @lea0518 @chrisolivia4l @freshlovehacker @its-jennarose @kitaysworld @liz-stxrn @rac00ns-are-c00l4

[bkgml]

Thinking about touch starved!reader x bakugou

love your writing<3

super super cute! i’m very touch starved so this will be extremely self indulgent lol.

katsuki knew your love language was physical touch. he was reminded every day.

in the car when you would drag your fingers up and down his arm until he would give you what you want and hold your hand or thigh.

in bed when you’d cling to him in every possible way, wrapping your arms around his larger arm tight, laying yourself completely over top of him, manoeuvring him until his face was buried in your stomach.

you just needed his touch to get through the day sometimes. you know, off days.

like today.

you sat through half your classes feeling kinda meh. finding it hard to get through the lesson without thinking about a nice bear hug from your boyfriend.

you almost took a nap the period before lunch but katsuki texted you halfway through.

suki: does mic ever shut the fuck up? just let us get to work already.

you: yeah. what are we doing for lunch??

suki: not sure yet, made you a bento though.

he watches you smile from across the room before mic asks you a question and you pocket your phone.

he can tell what you want. after all, what kind of boyfriend would he be if he’s completely oblivious?

*lunch*

you’re packing up your things when you feel a presence behind you.

he kicks your shoes.

“we’re going to get an ass seat in the cafeteria.”

you pack quicker.

“sorry.”

you put your bag on and cling to his arm, cheek against his bicep.

“come on, leech.”

you laugh softly.

katsuki doesn’t mind pda, he just personally prefers not to initiate it.

the two of you make it to the cafeteria and sit with the rest of your friends.

“yn! come sit on my side!” mina calls to you.

you cling closer to katsuki and he glares at the rest of the table.

they get the hint and make room for two on mina’s side.

now you sit with mina and bakugou on either side of you.

“yn, look at this video.” mina says shoving her phone between you and your lunch.

“let her eat, raccoon.” katsuki frowns.

mina easily switches her attention to show kirishima instead.

“i’m tired, kats.” you speak up while playing with his fingers.

he looks at you while wishing the two of you could ditch school and go take a nap.

but if he indulges you now, you’ll be even more tired later.

“eat somethin. i worked hard on this meal.” he nudges you and takes his hand away so you can replace it with your chopsticks.

you grab them but frown up at him.

he gives you what you want once again and places his hand on your thigh, thumb soothing your skin.

you give him a small smile and start eating.

*next class*

“i don’t wanna go.” you frown, tightening your iron grip on his arm.

he sighs and grabs your hand, pulling you into the nearest janitors closet.

you look at him confused before he opens his arms.

“don’t want to be one of those couples.” he smiles softly.

you grin and jump into his arms, allowing yourself to get crushed by his big beefy arms.

you look up at him with adoration in your eyes.

“kiss.” you smile.

he leans down to give you kisses all over your face and lips.

the two of you stay there until the bell rings and he’s forced to let go.

you smile sadly and peck his lips.

“my dorm, after school.” he says softly.

you grin and nod enthusiastically, hugging him one last time.

*after school*

he walks you to your dorm.

“go change. meet me in my room, k?” you nod and head inside.

when you arrive you don’t bother knocking and see him in his bed ready for you.

you shut the door and jump into bed with him.

“missed you.” you smile, while straddling his waist.

“so needy.” he grins, cockily.

you lean forward, forearms on either side of his head.

“you love when i get like this.” you say, pecking his lips.

“mhm.” he smiles, rolling you over to your side.

he opens his arms and you shuffle between them, legs intertwined.

he threads his fingers through your hair, placing kisses to the crown of your head.

“sleep, sweets.” he says while he listens to your breathing even out.

he tightens his hold on you before closing his eyes and drifting off.

[theamityelf]

I’ve had this au idea regarding Makoto for a while and I wanted to share it with you since you post a lot of stuff regarding Yandere and/or obsessive lovers for Makoto. Hope you don’t mind.

What if Makoto, instead of trying to dissuade the obsessive tendencies of Nagito, he indulged in it.

I'm picturing a timeline where Makoto met Junko when the two were young and and started dating in high school, but Junko was very emotionally manipulative and abusive, but always knew when to be gentler to give Makoto the idea that “old Junko” had returned before continuing to toy with him. Makoto’s hopeful nature being used against him repeatedly. Until one day the relationship ends. Maybe Junko got bored, or died, or maybe Makoto finally realised that Junko will not change because she doesn’t want to.

All that leading to a young adult Makoto who, while still similar to his nice canon self, is desperately hurt, lonely and with low self-esteem.

Then Nagito comes into his life. Perhaps the two meet in the waiting room of a psychiatrist’s office. Makoto tries to make conversation to feel the silence, and it’s awkward at first but gets better with time. Nagito learns more about Makoto and slowly becomes fascinated by the other’s quiet charisma and genuine care for complete strangers. And then he’s a bit too fascinated.

Makoto can be a bit dense as he is observant so it takes a while to notice, but eventually sees that Nagito is crushing on him. Nagito keeps praising Makoto and putting him on a pedestal. And the weirdest thing of all is… Makoto likes it.

Makoto’s spent years thinking that he was the problem and now here comes this tall handsome man who loves him and praises him to all extremes and sure it probably isn’t healthy, but it’s nice. Really really nice. So Makoto doesn’t saying anything, just happily takes it all in.

Oh, this is perfect! Thank you for bringing this to me; I love it! (I hope it's okay if I take Nagito a couple of notches farther in this, but if not, just ignore those parts, lol.)

First of all, I want it to be Makoto breaking up with Junko. I like the idea of her kind of seeing it coming. Like, she sees something new in him that starts to grow in the days prior, and she's fascinated by it. He breaks up with her. And he means it. He is serious about enforcing that boundary.

Junko indulges in the whole suite of breakup emotions, but when she gets tired of making a whole production of crying and eating ice cream, she eventually starts messing with Makoto again. First, I'm thinking she tries a guilt approach similar to the song "Someone Gets Hurt" from the Mean Girls Musical. When that doesn't work, she texts him saying, "Hey, this is Mukuro. Junko got in a really bad car accident, and she wants to see you before she dies," or something like that. Eventually he blocks her number. She indulges in heartbreak again.

She fully intends to get Makoto back, once she's exhausted the novelty of being dumped.

Makoto is reeling from the emotional fallout of that long-term relationship. Junko was as fun and loving as she was ruinous, and it's weird to have to bounce back from losing both things.

So yeah, he goes to therapy.

He meets Nagito in the reception area, because they're both early for their appointments a lot. They make conversation, and laugh a little. They've never introduced themselves to each other, but Makoto knows Nagito's name from hearing the receptionist call him in for his appointment. They're acquaintances.

Nagito likes Makoto a lot, and looks forward to seeing him before his appointments, but he just kind of assumes Makoto doesn't want or need his friendship.

Then one day, Makoto comes in and gives Nagito a book of puzzles, saying, "Hey, Nagito, I have this puzzle book I've never used, and I noticed you like doing puzzles while you wait, so..."

Nagito accepts the gift, and it totally reframes his understanding of what's happening here. The kind, brown-haired guy from the waiting room knows his name? And thought about him enough to bring him a gift?

I'm going to say Makoto also brought something for the receptionist, and Nagito smiles at seeing such genuine kindness.

He goes full sleuth/stalker mode. He learns Makoto's name from the sign-in sheet, finds out which psychiatrist he sees, even finds the psychiatrist's file on him. Ah, messy breakup. Manipulative ex. Low self-esteem? How could someone so wonderful not know how wonderful he is? There's a note made of the fact that Makoto refuses to say the name of his ex.

(I'm going to say Junko is still a famous model in this AU, just because it adds drama and spice, and I love the potential for public attention in these things, lol. Maybe she's making monochrome Instagram posts with captions about her ex who broke her heart, and no one knows who it is, but there's a growing attitude of "F this guy! Whoever he is!" that means at any time she can "accidentally" leak his name and expose him to her rabid fanbase. Makoto is doing his best to ignore her. He's blocked her on social media.)

When Nagito eventually makes an effort to get closer to Makoto, Makoto is excited to have a new friend. His new friend casually says things about him that are weirdly accurate, casually meets him in places he frequents, and texts him compliments and affirmations despite them never having exchanged numbers.

Makoto asks how he learned his number, and his address, etc., and Nagito is very open about snooping in his file and following him around. Makoto of course knows he's not supposed to do that, but he feels flattered, and...it's kind of funny in a weird way.

And he likes spending time with Nagito. Nagito is really smart and easygoing, and he has a great smile. When his eyes are really intense, it's...exciting. He notices things about Makoto. He goes on rants about how amazing Makoto is, and how he deserves better. Makoto isn't used to it.

Maybe one night, during a thunderstorm, there's a flash outside his bedroom window that isn't accompanied by thunder. Makoto goes and opens his window, and he sees Nagito in a tree, soaked with rain.

"You'll get sick!" Makoto exclaims. "Or...struck by lightning!"

Nagito doesn't say anything, still startled at being caught. His body is hunched to protect the camera in his hand from getting rained on.

"Come on," Makoto says. "Come inside. Here." He offers his hand, and Nagito climbs in through the window. "You need to dry off. You can borrow some dry clothes, if you want."

"Your clothes?"

Their gazes meet. They're both blushing.

Makoto says, "Do you know where they are?"

Nagito walks over to Makoto's dresser, points to each drawer without opening it, and lists out, "Socks, shirts, pants, underwear, pajamas."

Makoto's heart flutters. He got all of them right. "Have you been in here before?"

"I wouldn't dare break into your home uninvited. I've just watched."

"Well..." Makoto nods his head. "Put on some dry clothes. I'll, um...It's storming outside, so, you can sleep on the couch, okay?"

"Thank you. You're so generous!"

Makoto turns away from that face that glows with adoration and sets up a blanket on the couch for Nagito, while Nagito dries off and gets dressed in pajamas that are too small for him. He looks at the pictures on Nagito's camera. They're all of him.

He goes to bed, once Nagito has gotten settled on the couch. He wakes up to Nagito making him breakfast.

They start dating.

Nagito never mistreats him in the ways Junko did; he just disregards his privacy and praises him way too much. They're both happy.

All of this culminates in them running into Junko while they're on a date somewhere. Makoto is polite to her but very closed-off, while she's smiling brightly and needling, and Nagito is hostile. Maybe smiling hostile, maybe not. The interaction ends without much escalation, but shortly after, Nagito shows up at Junko's house.

She's expecting him.

Cue yandere vs. yandere, verbal confrontation.

[heartnoose]

NSFW Alphabet - Mephisto Pheles

Came across this in my old drafts. So, I cleaned them up a bit and thought I’d post them here!

🔞 MINORS, PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG OR LIKE! Please respect these boundaries. 🔞

Content Warnings: Emotional and mental “games”, and also rough kinks that y/n consents to. Master and servant dynamics. I suppose it got kind of dark (it is Mephisto, after all), but none of the games or rough treatment is described in great detail.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

How he treats you after sex largely depends on his mood and your relation to him. I can see him being quite the dear after sex, especially if he likes you. Teasing and cuddling you, rubbing any sore spots from the more than likely rough/brutal sex. I think it would ring hollow most of the time, as he could just be doing it for the theatrics and/or to mock you. He’s moody like that, even with ones he actually likes. If he's in a really mean mood then expect him to straight up taunt you, belittle you, and press your buttons. Though if you’re a servant that he decided to take, with no psychological warfare or foreplay beforehand, he won’t stay. He’ll just take you as he pleases and leave you alone in your bed.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes his hands. Mainly because of how they look on you. And he also loves his goatee 💀. On other people though, this man loves curvy and/or elegant bodies. Neither of those are strict requirements since an interesting personality or perceptive mind also interest him. But, he loves groping and teasing flesh, plus he loves the bouncy quality of skin that comes along with that groping and teasing.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Thin and tastes bad. He doesn't come a lot. Slowly spurts, like lava flowing downhill from a volcano. Smells bad, as well. Like bleach. He can’t mark you so well due to this, so where he comes on you depends on his mood. He tends to mark chests and faces the most, though. Sometimes your upper thighs too.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Maybe his secret plans in general LOL. But in regards to sex, he doesn't really have any. He’s tried everything, and he’s open to most things. Mephisto is very confident in chasing after what he desires and shamelessly indulges in what he wants.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He's thousands of years old and has been with countless people. He's very perceptive to what makes others hot and bothered, and loves to use that against his partners in the room. Small touches, little grabs, artfully toying with your feelings and mind. He's very physically, emotionally, and mentally motivated like that.

He can tell how to get you off, but that’s not always what he chooses to do. And if he does, there’s going to be mental and emotional games involved. Even if they’re sometimes smaller games and not always so extreme.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

I personally think he loves being topped. He sees it as you serving him and him just sitting back and enjoying the show. He’ll tell you what to do, try to control your rhythm and pace. It’s a win-win situation for him, since you’re either serving him, or he gets to playfully punish you for disobeying his commands. A power bottom of sorts. Ultimately, he has the mindset of “Look at my cute toy trying to toy with me! They should know by now that I’m the one in control here~”

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

I think that in most cases, Mephisto won't be offended if you get a little silly. I could see him matching the mood with his own dirty jokes. He'll probably even find your giggles and attempts to make him laugh amusing, cute, maybe even a bit endearing.

If he’s in a bad mood then don’t try that, he’ll more than likely lash out and ruthlessly degrade you with psychological abuse.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Even though he has no good taste, this man is all about his brand of beauty and aesthetics. Even if he dresses like a clown. He’s very well kept. He has a bush and keeps it trimmed. It’s somewhat sparse, not too thick. It’s the same color as his other hair. He keeps it clean and presentable since he cares about hygiene, Mephisto knows that being gross is going to ruin his chances of picking up people. And he’s not a “low class slob” like that, anyway.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He can fake intimate connection for sure, he's been on Assiah for ages and is acclimated to it's social customs. Even if you’re a mate, I would see him being temperamental about how genuine the sweet sentiments are. Sometimes they would be a bit genuine, though I think many times he would use them for the theatrics, or to tease and mock you.

If you’re a servant, or he’s in a bad mood, then he’s not gonna care about any of that. In the former case, he will especially use that mocking brand of intimacy to make backhanded comments and psychologically torture you.

He’s also picky about those who call him by Samael so casually, and when or how imo. If he’s fond of you then he might tolerate it sometimes.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I can't see him jacking off so much. He’d rather get a partner to relieve himself. He probably sees masturbation as crass and thinks he's above it. He's not. Mephisto will definitely jack off if he's really turned on after harassing you, a heated argument, or messing around with your thoughts and feelings.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Oh boy. He loves mind games, toying with emotions, being found out and called out on his bullshit. He's very mental like that. Otherwise, he's open to almost everything. I wouldn’t call it a kink, but a consistent taste he has is being ridden. Or being beyond rough in the room. To the point of being brutal or even violent. Biting and scratching that breaks skin, really man handling you and throwing you around, leaving dark bruises on you, etc. Mephisto looooovveees to mark people like that. Especially if you cover them up in public so only he can see them, or if they peek out from your clothing and others get the picture. The thought of such a dirty and feral encounter having such a small but obvious hint, that really turns him on.

Fantasy and role play are already big things for him, and he’s a nerd. So he loves it when you cosplay as his waifus in bed.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Depends on how he sees you. If he likes you a lot, then the bedroom. Call him traditional but he's really into the whole ambiance of the bedroom, the cozy bed, warm sheets, the fine decor (and anime merch), and the dim lights. He loves the mood it sets and highly prefers it to other environments, especially if you’re his mate. I do think he’s spontaneous enough to take you anywhere he wants. He’ll tease you about the risks. Otherwise, he couldn’t care less about the location if you’re a servant.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

He definitely has his tastes when it comes to bodies, personalities, and people’s history, but he’s very mentally motivated. He'll engage in full on psychological warfare with you before smashing the hell out of you. To him it's the best form of foreplay, as well as a way to test the psychological limits and perception of his partners. So many aspects of mental manipulation and warfare interest him, and that carries over to his sex life.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He’s only gonna share you or watch you fuck others if he’s commanding that. Also he doesn’t like anything incredibly unsanitary like emeto or scat. Otherwise he's pretty open to anything.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

God tier oral skills. He edges a lot when giving oral, and gets into it, teasing you as your cute yelps and moans drive him to further toy with you. It’s just *chef’s kiss*. He won’t always make you come, though. That’s part of the fun for him.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends on his mood and relation to you. If you're a servant that is his for the taking, I see him being inclined to having rough and fast encounters more. If he really likes you, or there’s been a psychological battle or argument beforehand, he’s going to be more inclined to drawing out his playful torture by being more slow and sensual.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He would rather have "proper sex", meaning in a room and being able to relish his time with you. I could only see him having a quickie as a way to taunt you about the risk of others walking in.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Yeah, he’s down for nearly anything. Not much is new to him but he is open to most ideas you have, and risks don’t bother him so he’s good in that area.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He's a Demon King! He can last all day and all night. Maybe for days or even weeks, if he really likes the dynamic.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I think the question should be more like "What toys doesn’t he use on his partner and himself?” Gags? Check! Dildos? Check! Vibrators, check! Restraints, check. The dude has a whole arsenal of sex toys to use during sexy times.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He teases you so much that you swear you're going to combust sometimes. Either mentally, physically, or both. He's really into edging and teasing you.

He enjoys being edged and toyed with too, but he’s still going to want to "punish" you for toying with him too much. I think he would like gaining the upper hand in even small games like that.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Depends on his mood and the events that led up to the encounter. If there was a lot of winning in fights on his end, he’s going to relish it and be loud. If he’s mad, a sort of cold and angry quiet will reflect his mood. I do think he’s more vocal than not. Grunts, low voices, whispers, shameless moans and groans. If he doesn’t see the need to be composed, then he’s going to let loose.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Not exactly a cuckold, but he will enjoy ordering you to play with others. It’s another way for him to show control.

Also, his body hair is kind of sparse. He doesn’t have much on his chest, legs, arms. His bush is a bit thin.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

His bush isn’t too thick, and he keeps it trimmed. He’s 8-9 inches. Long but slim, just like him. Uncut. Pale with a purple head. He's got big, saggy balls too. He shaves them so he can feel what’s going on there better. There’s a reason why he holds on to his vessel and it’s not just because it can hold him.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He's one of the horniest characters in the entire series, I don't think I need to elaborate on this.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He doesn't get sleepy after sex. If you’re a pet or servant or whatever then he’ll probably just leave you in bed alone. Though he’s open to staying a bit longer if you actually interest him.

[beifong-brainrot]

Beifong babies appreciation post

This is gonna be a more self indulgent post. But if you spend any time on my blog, you know how much I adore the Beifong family, particularly Suyin and her children. And you know what I don't see enough appreciation for Suyin's babies, which makes sense, since they're side characters, but here's a lil ramble about them and some reasons why I love them.

Baatar Jr

Actually, I think Baatar is actually a very underutilised character for being Kuvira's supposed right hand man, as well as her fiancé.

He's technically the brains behind Kuvira's collosus, and probably much more.

As damaging as living in his father's shadow was for him, I do find it extremely adorable how he engineered all Baatar Sr's projects, it's really cute!

His loyalty to Kuvira and his love for her is admirable. It's honestly adorable, how much she means to him.

Btw mans stared into Korra's eyes while she threatened him im the Avatar state and laughed. Say what you want about him but he has balls.

The angst surrounding his involvement with Kuvira is absolutely delicious.

Like imagine turning your back on everyone you know and love for one person, only for then to turn on you and try to kill you with upur own creation?

And then everything you've worked for for 3 years is null and void? Gnarly

Also him being under house arrest with the family he betrayed? You could argue he got off really easy, which he did... but goodness gracious the angst.

Huan

I'm like 75% sure that he's a reference to The Dark One, one of Toph's metalbending students, which is actually really fun I love you emo metalbenders.

I always found non combative benders very interesting, especially when they use their bending for things like art, it's very cool.

While I think a Huan's character is made to mock "tortured abstract artists" a bit, he actually isn't terribly caricaturised?

Like... he has a pretty clear ideology and moral compass, and he sticks to his guns, even when threatened. He clearly values personal freedom and freedom of expression, and is willing to stand up for it.

I also love headcanoning that he had a close relationship with Aiwei. Since some of Huan's ideals match up more or less with Red Lotus ideology, which makes me wonder if Aiwei did subtly indoctrinate Suyin's children.

Huan and Ikki's friendship is really cute too lol.

His design is also really cool ngl

Opal

MY BABY AHHH 🧡 honestly my fave female tlok character.

Free her from the heterosexual love interest dimension she deserves so much better lol.

Like, I really dislike Bopal as a ship, and part of it is because of how much of a disservice it does to both characters. But most anti Bopal takes I see are also horrifically anti Opal.

Honestly, Opal just gets a surprisingly large amount of hate in genral? Like why? People call her annoying and a brat/ a knockoff Korra and she's barely done anything lmao

Opal's is very interesting, her journey to independence, her unseen development between B3 and B4, her firece loyalty to her family despite her separation from them

A lot of people criticise her attitude towards Kuvira, but honestly, she was quite rational in her anger? I also think she should have been allowed to hold a grudge against Bolin for longer, like yes he redeemed himswlf somewhat when rescuing her family, but it does feel really shallow and a fast way of tying up a pretty complex storyline.

Her arc reminds me very much of Toph's in atla, which is bittersweet since we see how that ended for Toph.

I love her lil pouty face ahh.

Wei and Wing

Genuinely. Might be my fave underdeveloped side characters.

Avatar has a habit of making very interesting twin duos and these two are no exception.

I really like their strong bond with their mother, they really are the most mamma's boys to ever mamma's boy.

Similarly to Opal, the twins' firece loyalty to their family and city is really sweet, but also there's a lot of potential for angst here. Like, Opal gets to see the world and adventure, but the twins are probably stuck in Zaofu forever.

The twins also are the only ones of their siblings upholding that "Beifong metalbender" archetype that Toph started. I think there is a bit of pressure on them, ad they are the "golden boys" of the family

I'm also a sucker for when benders work together/combine their skills so seeing the twins work together is really sweet.

Also. Gay™️. [Insert longass ramble about weilin lol]

I actually find the small differences in personality between them that we are shown. Where Wei is a bit more snooty and competitive, Wing is very playful and outward with himself. I like picking their differences apart.

Okk.. that's it my ramble for today us over 😭 I love the Beifong babies so much and wish there was more appreciation of them lol

[squishi-bunni]

Sean Diaz x Reader HCs:

Reader is Filipina

Note: so sorry for not posting. First year of college and its kicking my ass a bit but at least i have As and Bs. This is a very obviously self-indulgent thing I wrote (b/c I think it is too often that the reader is assumed to be a white woman) to destress so uh… enjoy! Sorry again for falling off the face of the Earth.

fem!filipina!reader, fluff

-You and Sean’s families will get along pretty well

-Because Filipinos and Mexicans have such similar cultures (we in the colonized by Spain gang) your parent(s) warm up to Sean pretty quickly!

-You both share a mutual hatred for the Spaniard conquistadors.

-Comic misunderstanding of what the word “puto” means in Tagalog vs. Spanish

you bring some freshly steamed rice cakes (puto) that your mom made over to Sean’s house. 

Sean and Esteban are sitting by the counter when you come in. You excitedly say “Hey! I brought puto, want to try?”

Both Esteban and Sean look at you with wide eyes.

Esteban starts smiling, trying to hold back his laughter.

”Would we like to try WHAT now?”

”puto!” you hold up the rice cakes, “Filipino rice cakes!”

Sean says, “Y/n, that is not what that word means.”

”That’s what it means in Tagalog. Does it mean something different in Spanish?”

Esteban is snickering at this point. “Yes. It means something very different.” He laughs harder.

Sean pinches the bridge of his nose.

After they explain to you what “puto” means in Spanish, your jaw drops.

”Oh my God I’m so so sorry I had no idea; it genuinely just means ‘steamed rice cakes’ in Tagalog I swear!”

Sean and Esteban both laugh. “Está bien, hija. It at least makes a funny story.”

-You call Sean “mahal ko” and Sean calls you “mi amor”

-He brings you Mexican food and you bring him Filipino food

-Like every non-filipino, he instantly LOVES lumpia when you first introduce it to him

-You mom made an extreme excess of lumpia, so she gave him a freezer bag full of premade lumpia rolls. You help him deep fry them one day after school (he wants to share with his dad and Daniel) and his whole house smells like frying oil afterwards.

-Both of you talk about similarities and differences between Tagalog and Spanish for funsies.

-Playful arguments on which country does leche flan better

-You introduce him to ube-flavored sweets

-One time you bring ube Otap cookies to their house and Daniel ends up gobbling them all up (to Sean’s dismay)

-Cursing at him in Tagalog thinking it would be funny but he understands the gist of what you said

“Putangina mo”

“Hey!”

“Hehehe”

-He teaches you Spanish and you teach him some Tagalog

-Agressive pinoy pride >:3

-he makes fun of you for being short (not our fault that the average height is 5’1!!!)

-Bonding over cultural similarities

-y’all are such an it couple bc poc4poc relationships that are also interracial are such a slay

I realize that the LIS2 fandom is already very niche (even within the LIS community) so these HCs are even more niche but… idc! Writing this made me happy lol.

I’ll try to fulfill some of the requests I got back in September! Sorry for not getting to them yet.

Hope you enjoyed! :3

[rozaceous]

mariko, violence, and the meta of violence in fanfiction

ok so it’s apparently not enough that i write the most indulgent kind of fic, but now i’m writing an essay about my fic. this got so long, abt 2k total. if i said sorry, it’d be insincere, but at least no one is making you read it?

i want to piggy-back off the post i made earlier this week where i was talking about how mariko was not well-adjusted, and was, in fact, doing extremely poorly. what this post turns into, however, is an analysis not only of mariko’s relationship to violence and her subsequent trauma, but a meta-analysis of how violence is treated in canon more broadly, and how that ends up translating into fic. because, and i mean this in a way that is distinctly not about tooting my own horn, i’m approaching violence with a different lens than what i've found in a majority of fic, but also in a way that is unique to SI fic.

‘to continue being alive is also an art’ starts in medias res ch 1 with mariko haring off to the confrontation at the bridge in wave. we find out later, she’s fresh from just having killed people for the first time. kakashi and mariko have their little chat abt it in ch 2, but it’s treated as done and resolved afterwards. it was self-defense, she was protecting others, she was justified and shouldn’t lose sleep over it.

mariko also kills during the chuunin exams itself (members of the sound team) and during the finals (she on-screen beheads a foreign ninja). there’s a sort-of killing w the itachi puppet in ch 15, and a mention of sasori, but otherwise we don’t get any particular details of her killing people until the events of ch 17, where she kills danzo and the rest of the elder council, as well as whoever was caught in the bombings. (i’m going to word-of-god this for everyone right now and tell you that there were people caught in the bombings, just like i will confirm that she’s killed other people in the interim of the time skip.)

from a writing-level, i approached violence in a very specific way. most of the violence is off-screen and mentioned as a retrospective; what occurs on-screen i tried to keep brief and matter-of-fact. graphic, maybe, but not gory. i also try not to play violence as something that’s done for laughs, like how sakura will beat naruto up in canon when he annoys her. (we’ll come back to this.) and a lot of this has to do with how mariko herself deals with violence.

i mentioned in that previous post, that mariko grows up in a militaristic culture where violence is a norm and acceptable, as someone who is not actually a kid who can be acculturated into that thinking in the same way. mariko comes from a culture and personal history where interpersonal violence is abhorrent. she tries to duck out of canon events and any requirement of violence on her own part by being a medic, but the team assignments (the narrative/me, if we’re wanting to get meta abt it lol) prevent her from achieving this relatively more peaceful role.

when mariko gets assigned to team seven, she has to get real comfortable with violence real fast. she’s already befriended naruto (and hahahaha you may remember that she does so by punching a guy 🙂) and she cares about kakashi and sasuke. she’s come to the realization that this is her lot, these are her people, they are her responsibility. as she notes in ch 2, she’s not good enough to solve her problems without killing. this is also to say, she’s not good enough to problem-solve without violence. it’s beyond her capacity and skill when the stakes are as high as they are. let’s also consider that caring about everyone is a luxury that mariko cannot afford, widespread mercy is potentially a death sentence, and so she narrows that care down to a handful of people. and so if she’s taking the well-being of her teammates as her ultimate good, she will absolutely let the ends justify the means.

added onto any personal sentiment is that, as far as mariko knows, if anyone on team seven dies, the entire world is fucked.

mariko one hundred percent and sincerely believes that violence is wrong. even when it’s justified, self-defense, etc., mariko views it as ugly. there may be situations where she assigns herself less blame, but she is always blaming herself for being too weak to find another way, because her (somewhat unrealistic) view is that violence is the sign that you’ve run out of other options to get your way.

however, with the stakes being as they are, and with the world she’s in treating violence as a form of currency, mariko sees violence as a necessity.

so we can see the dissonance, right? she has to use violence to protect not only herself, but the people she loves, and the entire world. and mariko’s fundamental optimism is that people are worth helping and that the world is worth saving, because if she doesn’t believe in that with her whole heart, she’d literally just curl up and die. she wants to be kind and to help and nurture and build, but her most effective tools—once again, she views using violence as a failure—are the ones she hates the most. but she has to use them. more, she has to be very, very good with them.

this isn’t a small-level dissonance, it’s a diametric opposition. so in terms of narration, mariko can’t think too much about the violence she’s enacted because it would destroy her. she knows this about herself. she hates it. but it’s necessary. and so she doesn’t think about it. and if she does think about it, she’s very clinical and writes it off as unfortunate and necessary and—well, it’s done, no use crying over it now. she’s disassociated herself from it. and i wanted that perspective reflected in the way i wrote about violence.

the other aspect of how i wanted to handle violence is from how i approach the canon. we’ve all read the fics where konoha is a grimdark dictatorship, with death and torture around every corner. and, uh, it is? it’s a fascist war machine, plainly. it’s child soldiers and state-sanctioned assassination baked into the world economy? there’re multiple instances of genocide? it’s a fucking nightmare.

i, personally, am not able to brush aside those things. i like the meta and the reading-into-things and the what-if’s that happen when you don’t take things at face value. so for me, the writer, i can’t glorify violence. there’s a reason i wrote mariko walking through the uchiha compound in the way that i did. so i’m not going to write like killing a thousand people in one go is anything but horrifying (staring at you, minato), even if i’m not interested in directly interrogating every particular instance of violence within the narrative.

but canon doesn’t approach it from this angle. for canon, this is all the quirky backdrop, and violence and killing are bad, but very few people tend to die in a meaningful sense. violence doesn’t often have lasting consequences. (this is, also, the evolution that Naruto goes through as a series, where it starts off as a critique of the state and then turns into bootlicking, but that’s another meta that plenty of others have written better than i can.) in canon, the ability to do high-damage moves is considered a cool power-up. in fact, your power level is directly correlated with your physical danger level—ie, your ability to do violence.

moreover, casual violence is funny in canon. (we’re back to sakura beating up naruto and it being treated as a joke.) these things are entirely the conceit of reading/watching canon, and it’s what we do with every piece of media. this isn’t a judgment! we are suspending our disbelief and buying into the premise of the story that gets told. and i would hardly have written over 50k of naruto fanfic if i didn’t find it innately compelling and, yes, fun.

so this is where the presentation of violence in fanfiction can get dicey, because not every author is approaching canon with the same spirit that canon itself has. i also want to make the blanket statement that i don’t think any one interpretation is right or wrong, it’s that they’re all interpretations. i’ve read and liked fics of all varieties; i’m not morality policing, i’m trying to place myself and my own fic within a broader phenomenon of how fics present the morality of violence. i don’t personally care what one fic thinks is morally good, nor do i think that a particular presentation necessarily corresponds with what the author thinks in real life, or even that a presentation has to be consistent from fic to fic. these are all lenses/perspectives, and fanfic is inherently about playing with the little details of canon and going, “And?”

so on one end, you’ll have some fics that 100% correspond with the attitude towards violence that canon has and aren’t too interested into getting into the grittier moral quandaries of the canon past what canon presents as good or bad. on the other, you’ll have other fics that will rip the morals of canon to shreds. again, i like both! it always depends what the focus of your story is!

i feel like i’m somewhere in the middle. i feel like a lot of naruto fics commit hard to either of the above scenarios from the start and i...don't (as one commenter pointed out). there's a level of progression I'm trying to portray. and, i have to say, part of the comment that @vermillioncrown left on ch 17 really resonated: “She's sunk as low as them, she's just as fucked up in this second life despite knowing another moral framework and society. And she's mud-wrestling them down at ground level lol.”

mariko ‘knows better’ but isn’t better. she doesn’t feel like she’s a good person. arguably, she isn’t a good person. she has enough of an outsider perspective to see the system for what it is, but she is still inherently within the system. she is absolutely playing the game, and doesn’t have any moral high ground. she kills, she lies, she deceives, she betrays. she harms people. her intentions might be noble, but as tumblr loves to say abt causing others harm: intention isn’t magic. mariko wants better and is trying to achieve it, but she’s in the system and can’t get out of it because we all inherently live in a society, and removing yourself from society isn’t exactly as feasible as our ideals might like.

and because tcba is, mostly, from mariko’s perspective, her understanding of violence colors the narrative. because mariko is an SI/OC, her perspective is one that is ALWAYS going to be a negotiation of ‘canon at face value’ and ‘me personally doing an analysis.’ and i think that’s really cool and interesting, which is why i’m doing it!

but—and this is not me throwing shade or getting mad or singling anyone out—this is also a take that is a little counter to broader fandom habit that aligns with ‘omg she was so badass when she killed that guy!’ or ‘yes! fuck it up!’

reiterating that i’m not trying to scold or slight anyone, bc this is the ‘canon at face value’ take, where we are supposed to see these things as badass and praise-worthy, and often these are climactic scenes where mariko is ostensibly cast as the righteous victor! and if people don’t see what i’m trying to do as different to that take, that’s also on me as the writer, especially bc, as i already said, this is a story that is trying to negotiate those different perspectives on violence. but i also want to point out that there’s more than just ‘violence as badassery’ happening. this is also ‘violence as tragedy.’

and since the meaning and role of violence isn’t a theme that’s going to go anywhere any time soon, i thought it was worth discussing.

[scribbly-artist]

So You Can Laugh

Summary: Nathan and Kathleen have been together for quite a while now, but Nathan has never seen Kathleen let loose and laugh, let alone smile often. He wants to see his love smile, so he wants to achieve this in any way he can.

Words: ~2,700 | AO3 Link

Author’s Notes: After owning this side account for god knows how long and being extremely nervous to even make tickle content, let alone post it, I present to you this fic I made. Originally written for my OCs, I swapped the names for dummies and edited a few details so it makes sense.

I’m not the best writer, it’s been quite a long time since I’ve written for myself in general. I apologise if anything is written strangely. But I hope you enjoy this little piece of pure self indulgence from me. :) Please let me know what you think. Who knows, I might write some content for fandoms I’m interested in if I feel up to it. Or I might go straight back to lurking, lol.

“Is it too tight, honey?”

“No, it’s okay. Nice and soft, too.”

***

Now that both Nathan and Kathleen have calmed down from their rather dangerous lives, they finally confessed their love for each other and are now an item. After everything was over and the dust settled, they moved in with each other. To no longer having anyone interfere with their personal business and to unwind has helped them both immensely. Now that they don’t have the suffocation of eyes and rules upon them, their love for each other could finally blossom. They cared for each other deeply.

As days go by, Nathan started to notice a few things about Kathleen. One major issue in his mind is Kathleen’s inability to let loose.

She’s always been such a stoic person, that’s just in her nature. Now that they were together all day, she was smiling much more often. However, he wanted to hear the beautiful sing-song of her laugh. It was definitely a rare treat for him, and didn’t come often.

When she laughed, it filled his heart with so much love for her. The way her eyes crinkled with joy, how her cheeks flushed, and how if something was particularly amusing, she’d squeak.

But this was a rare sight to behold, and Nathan had been longing for it. He’d crack jokes, tell funny stories, pop on her favourite shows. Sometimes she’d laugh and let herself be free. Most times when she found something funny, what came out of her was more of an amused exhale from her nose than a laugh.

He needed more of her unfiltered laughter, he craved it.

One day when he was trying to get her to laugh, he had exhausted all of his options. He told so many funny moments of his past, as many funny jokes as he read from his joke book. He even reminisced some of the funny challenges they both faced when they had to hide their feelings for each other from everyone else. But she could only give him a smile.

“C’mon, Kath, you’re killing me here.”

She merely shook her head. “You’ll have to try harder than that, hun.”

His cheeks flushed just slightly at the affectionate nickname, but his eyebrow raised with a smirk. “Is that a challenge? You of all people should know not to do that.”

“Try me,” she gave a wink. “Give it your best shot.” She grabbed a book from the coffee table as she stretched in her seat, making herself much more comfortable on the couch, Nathan standing somewhat over her. She buried her nose in her book.

He wracked his brain for options. He was all out of his usual tactics, so he scanned his mind for moments when Kathleen had laughed in the past and see what stuck out. Way back when, she would give the odd smile, and dare he say, giggle, when he was in close proximity to her. She was always rather ‘giddy nervous’ around him, trying to hide her true feelings. He tended to up his charm just so she could cutely smile and blush. Now that he was thinking about it, one thing in particular was sticking out to him.

When his hand had gently brushed past her side.

He remembered that day very clearly. It was shortly after they had started dating. Kathleen was standing in the kitchen, busy cooking something. Nathan, the charmer he is, snuck up and gave her a hug while she was preoccupied, not knowing he was even in the room. He snaked his arms around her waist and wrapped them around her stomach. This motion, as well as not being on guard, caught her by surprise. She squeaked at the sudden contact, spinning right around with a bright blush on her face, holding his wrists in her hands.

“Hey! B-Be careful!” She gave him a playful glare, pouting at him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I’m just a bit sensitive, is all…”

“Is that so?” He grinned. “I’ll keep that in mind…”

And he definitely did. If this were an illustration, he’d have a light bulb above his head right about now.

‘Sensitive’? More like ‘ticklish’. Why didn’t he try this before? He guessed that someone like her couldn’t really be ticklish. With how she made herself seem so tough, that wasn’t even something that came to mind. But she has softened up since they made everything official, she’s kind of like a cat. She’d snuggle up to him, appreciate holding hands and loving touches. She was just really good at hiding her ticklishness.

And he wasn’t going to let her do it any longer.

While Kathleen was nose-in her book, Nathan reached down and gave her a bit of a poke. She paused, eyes wandering up to him.

“What’re you doing?”

“Just testing something.” He gave her another poke, this time in the ribs. She flinched, her arm pressing against her side, protecting herself. Her cheeks started to flush.

“Yeah, no.” She puffed out her cheeks.

Nathan continued to try, giving her random pokes here and there, nearly making Kathleen drop her book. But she steeled herself, taking a long, deep breath. It was easy to control herself by squeezing her arms against her body.

“God, you’re a hard nut to crack, woman!” Nathan let out his mild irritation. He just wanted to hear her laugh. She let out an amused exhale from her nose once again. She knew what he was up to.

“Sorry, it’s just funny watching you try so hard.” She smirked. His face flushed. If only she wasn’t blocking his attempts, maybe she’d laugh.

***

Which now brings them to this point. Earlier in the week, Nathan had tried again and again to try to tickle her, but she wouldn’t laugh. So, Nathan wondered if he could get her to laugh, only if Kathleen was restrained. He had asked her if he was allowed to test this, and he was surprised when she gave him her consent. She did feel a little bad that he was trying to hard, she knew where he was coming from. So, to give him that little bit of joy, she gave him a chance.

Nathan had ordered some fuzzy cuffs online and had shown Kathleen when they arrived. She was a bit reluctant at the sight of them, but he assured her it would be a-okay. They discussed a safe word and general procedure for after everything was over. They proceeded to the bedroom.

“I am a bit nervous… but I trust you.” She gave her wrist a slight tug, she was strapped in tight. Nathan fastened the last cuff at her right ankle, shuffling on the bed.

“I just want you to let loose and laugh, love. And you make it very hard with you blocking everything, so I figure this’ll work out a lot better,” He climbed on top of her, taking a seat on her thighs, pulling his knees against her legs so she was locked in just that little bit tighter. “And I’m happy to have some reassurance that you won’t accidentally punch my teeth out.” He let out a nervous chuckle.

“I’m a dangerous woman, you know…” Giving him a sly grin, she looked into his eyes. He looked back at her, smirking. A fuzzy feeling was growing in her stomach. Was this butterflies?

“Now, you let me know when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Say the word, and I’ll stop.” His hand gravitated towards her face, cupping her cheek in his hand, stroking her cheek with his thumb. She leaned into the touch, closing her eyes, her cheeks growing red.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes.” She nodded. Her cheeks seemed to get just a tad bit more red with her response.

“Good, I’ll start.” He grinned, averting his eyes from her face. He looked down at her body, where should he begin? Her sides seemed to make her squirm when he poked them, so that’s a good place of a place to start than any.

He reached down, and gently started to skitter his fingers against her skin. Kathleen let out a gasp, biting down on her lip. Her reflex was to bring her arms down at the soft touch, but the restraints worked against her, holding her wrists fast. He was going awfully slow, which was starting to drive her crazy. But she was silent.

“C’mon, Kath.” His voice lowered as he smirked, tracing random patterns into her sides. A quiet squeak escaped her at the loving nickname. “Don’t hold out on me now. You can let it out.”

“I-I’m… I’m not going down that… e-easily…” She drawled, trying to keep her voice under control. It was super hard to concentrate when your beautiful partner was giving such a charming and slightly devilish smile down on you while pushing your buttons. It didn’t help that she was extremely stubborn. He knew this too well. “Do y-your worst…”

“Then I guess you’ve forced my hand…” He spoke as if it pained him, but it was quite the opposite. He was giddy with delight. He sped up his fingers, scratching with more intent.

Kathleen only bit her lip harder, her head shaking to the side, her eyes closed tight. Nathan merely tutted at her resistance. “Maybe somewhere else might work better…” He mumbled, studying her face.

His annoying, persistent scribbly hands moved up to her underarms. Her short sleeved shirt gave her no protection. Her arms began to tremble. How she wished she could pull them down right now. But she didn’t give in, she didn’t laugh.

“You’re a tough cookie, though I expected as much.” He mused, chuckling. “Keeping it all inside isn’t going to help you. You’ll spill over eventually. And then you’ll be laughing your pretty little head off.”

Her cheeks burned at his teasing. “S-Shut up…!” This was all she could muster, her concentration one-hundred percent focused on not letting a single laugh out. He was fine with playing the long game.

“Oh, am I getting to you? Did a hit a nerve?” His grin turned devilish, his hands moving to prod at her ribs. His nimble fingers tweaked at them, driving her up the wall. “Does teasing you like this make it all the more harder to keep it all in?” He added a teasing lilt to his voice as he targeted the space between her ribs.

She shook her head once again, trying very hard to hide her face in the pillow. He tutted.

“Ah ah ah, you’re doing none of that.” One of his hands moved from her ribs to the side of her neck, giving it an extremely light scribble. She squeaked as she scrunched up her shoulders. Targeting two spots at once made everything much, much worse.

“Sh… shut the h-hehehehell uhuhuhup…!” She growled. Finally, some giggles were slipping through the cracks.

“Hey, that’s not very nice…” He frowned, but it turned back into a smile just as quickly. “I should teach you some manners, little lady.” Both of his hands shifted to her stomach, resting upon it. She caught some of her breath back as he paused, her stomach filled with nervous energy.

“Don’t… don’t you dare…” She warned, giving him a burning look. She didn’t really mean it, though. When she tried to look scary, it just made her look cute in his eyes.

“You haven’t told me to stop yet…” He spoke his thoughts aloud, giving a small smile as he studied her face. “I thought you would have, I didn’t think you’d let me do this for this long. Maybe… you like it?” He pondered, his eyebrows wiggling up and down.

Her whole face turned red.

“No, I-I don’t! Stop talking…!” However, her face betrayed her. He could only laugh at her response. She glared up at him, then pouted. “…Maybe a little…” She admitted.

“You’re absolutely adorable, you know that?” He could only smile at her, his heart so full for his partner. But he couldn’t forget his goal.

“Now! It’s time to get you really laughing, love.” His hands that were resting on her stomach whirred back to life at his words. He wanted to go for the kill, so he started rolling up her shirt, revealing her stomach underneath. She tried to protest, but she couldn’t form proper words. He placed a hand on her bare stomach. He noticed she was developing quite a bit of a belly.

He gave her stomach a gentle pinch, cooing. “Aww, look at you. You’re getting all pudgy and soft.” He grabbed at her a little more. His touch wasn’t meant to be tickly on purpose, but she was far too sensitive. The awful teasing didn’t help. He continued to grab, grab, grab, both of his hands gently pinching.

This made her break.

“Shihihihit—“ She couldn’t even hold back her giggles anymore. Her walls were broken down, and all she could do was laugh and squirm, shaking her head profusely. Not being able to protect herself was driving her insane. She couldn’t bring her arms down or curl up on herself, and it made her all the more ticklish.

“Isn’t it good to laugh?” He was laughing quietly alongside her, it was a bit contagious since he had never seen her like this before. Even his cheeks were burning a bit red. He skittered his fingers upon her skin, making sure to leave no part of her ticklish skin untouched. Her eyes were shut tight, he could see there was a slight dampness at the corner of her eyes. At some points his touch would become a little rougher just to hear her squeak in surprise.

An idea popped into his mind, forming a sly smirk on his lips. “Hmm… I think I could get you to laugh louder…” Still tickling her with his hands, he shifted his weight so that he could lower his head down to her stomach. Kathleen opened one of her eyes, both of them shooting open as she realised what he was doing.

“Nathan!! Don’t y-you freaking dare…!” She threatened, but that certainly wasn’t stopping him.

“You know what to do to make me stop.” He flashed an evil smile as he buried his face in her belly. He gave her stomach loving, tender kisses as his hands continued to work. His scruff on his chin really, really didn’t help her from not going absolutely insane from the ticklish feeling. She burst out in loud belly laughter, starting to thrash.

“AAAAHAHAHA!!” She threw her head back into the pillow. All she could do was laugh. She couldn’t think straight anymore. All she could think about was how much it tickled. Her nerves were set alight. He laughed along with her, struggling to continue his trail of loving kisses from his own snickering.

“Doesn’t that feel better? Letting it aaaaaall out?” He asked between kisses. He even blew a raspberry or two to keep her guessing. His fingers scribbled up and down her sides and stomach. He was basking in her laughter, his heart full with love. She was loving it as well, though would rather die than admit it. However, she was hitting a breaking point, her voice growing hoarse and her red face damp with tears.

“RED— HAHAHA!! REHEHED LIGHT!” She gasped out between her frantic laughter.

It ended as soon as it started. Once those words left her lips, Nathan immediately stopped, giving her stomach a pat with his hand.

“I’ve got to admit, you lasted a lot longer than I thought.” He beamed down at her, shifting on the bed so he could get up. He made fast work of loosening her restraints, taking them off of her tired limbs. She curled up on herself once she was let loose, rolling over onto her side. Her breathing was heavy after the brutal lung workout.

He chuckled, climbing back onto the bed to cuddle up to her. “Did you like it?” He questioned, planting his chin on her shoulder, taking in her scent that comforted him.

“…Yes…” She admitted, hiding her face with her hand, not daring to glance over and look at him. She was exhausted, but her heart was fluttering.

“We’ll have to do it again some time. Your laughter is like beautiful music. You should do it mo— haha, hey!” He laughed as she elbowed him in the ribs, rolling over to face him.

“You should really have a taste of your own medicine.” She stated as her hands reached out to his torso, giving him quick scribbles and pokes. He couldn’t help himself as he laughed, but he was quick to grab her eager hands by the wrists to get her to stop.

“Heheheh! Look, you can get your revenge another time,” He let go of one of her wrists, his hand settling under her chin. “But right now, I just want to lay here with you.” He leaned in, giving her a passionate kiss on her lips, his heart swelling. She reciprocated, her hand moving up to the back of his neck, burying her hand in his hair.

“I’m happy with that.”

[mysticbeaver]

randomly asking cuz im curious lmao but what kind of music are you into? what are your favorite artists and songs? from what i've seen you're mostly into classic rock, right? (which btw the classic rock to eene pipeline is really funny and quite fascinating but that's another story.)

Oh I'm glad you asked!!! Boy now I can go on a rant 😁

Ok, I'm one of those folks who have a hard time explaining what kind of music I listen to... classic rock was definitely my upbringing since I was a child - like the Who, Led Zep, AC/DC (I feel slightly embarassed by that nowadays, sorry AC/DC fans 😅 good memories tho).

As a teen I started going into 70s progressive rock, especially King Crimson, which I consider my favorite band ever for the simple fact I've been able to stomach pretty much everything they ever put out, even the most self-indulgent and tough to listen stuff (the "ProjeKcts"). I also fell in love with some art-pop (Peter Gabriel, David Sylvian) and generally got more adventurous and tried to slowly discover other artists (but always unabashedly behind the times haha). I went through a Bowie phase, tbf I still don't think I truly "get" Bowie lol, but one of his most interesting albums to me is Outside, probably the weirdest thing he's ever done. I also got into some electronic stuff, Tangerine Dream, Yello (two funny looking swiss guys, you might be familiar with that meme song Oh Yeah lmao). I'm also extremely familiar with Tom Waits... (I'll mention Captain Beefheart since we're at it) I've delved into jazz here and there, Pat Metheny is the first thing that comes to mind, but I'm pathetically ignorant on the genre.

The latest artist I went through a phase and now consider one of my favorites is the band Talk Talk. Their short history is mindblowing, they went from "80s one-hit-wonder pop band" to making music completely out of its time. The Color Of Spring is the best 80s-pop-album-that-doesn't-sound-80s I've ever heard, and Spirit Of Eden is... something, lmao. That album and their last one, Laughing Stock were apparently very influential on later artists in the 90s and onwards, and are now considered masterpieces despite not selling very well at the time. The enigmatic band leader Mark Hollis eventually took the genius decision to... retire (gasp) and disappear from public view for the rest of his life (I think some "artists" out there could learn a lesson from that 🤐)

John Martyn's album One World is another recent favorite, a folk rock guitarist who got kinda trippy/experimental and recorded an album by a small lake, sometimes recording the sound of the speakers in the distance... there's a beautiful track on there called Small Hours where you can even faintly hear the geese.

Finally I want to mention two historical italian artists I'm familiar with - Franco Battiato and Lucio Battisti. I've always shunned music from my country when I was younger, but I'm trying to make up for it, and those two really captivated me (although if you grew up in Italy you can't escape hearing Battisti's more famous hit songs, also apparently Bowie was a big fan, so I've read...)

All of this is just the tip of the iceberg, what came to my head right now. Btw, I wanna know what the "classic rock to eene pipeline" is haha

[hosuuuus]

Hello!! We've never talked, but i just wanted to send you some hugs! I guess i understand where you’re coming from, writing is supposed to feel fun and liberating in some way, and i totally understand your need for a break

Don't force yourself to write if your mind isn’t into it, only do it on your own volition, for yourself! People can be selfish and always ask for more, it can get extremely tiring overtime. I hope you can take time for yourself while letting yourself rest.. lots of love <33 (you don’t have to reply to this, this is just a message for you!)

hello anon, thank you for coming out! I'm happy for us to have the chance to talk with each other :) <3!

I think I'm still a bit confused on my feelings myself anon which is why I kind of hesitated to write out my rant.

I think what when I say "i'm not having fun anymore..." is less on the writing aspect itself, and more on the interacting. (I'm just gonna use my strawb pie analogy again because that's my soup brain can best explain things rn so thank you for working with me for a moment 😭)

but I guess the problem is less of "I'm not having fun baking anymore" and it's more "i'm not having fun sharing my baking, or even talking about baking in general" anymore (which may or may not influence too if im having fun with baking the process as well). Like sure maybe i'll make practice pies from time to time for my own self-indulgence. But I guess i just really really miss the times when i felt like i was just your good ol neighbor bringin out pies for the potluck and having a nice laugh with everyone.

nowadays it feels like i just make pie, go to the potluck, wait for all of us to have a fun time... but then get nothing. i just watch people eat my pie in front of me, not saying anything, and leave. and the people who do speak are just people who... want to know if i have anymore strawberry pie. just expecting me to give them another round.

which like, again, i'll make it clear that I don't feel much pressure. I really don't care about that lol. I write and bake for myself lol. i love pies.

but i guess it's less of feeling pressured, and more of feeling.... tired to be more accurate. Who knows, maybe im just being delulu like an old lady sprouting about the "good ol days" of when my blog was still kinda fresh and starting out. the syngergy was nice.

Lke with the increase of people, I did get a bit overwhelmed and shy at first, but i got over it. Like hey, more people to be part of the baking club right?

but no.... i guess it just feels so so weird wherein there's more people now, and yet it feels less like a community.

[dyradoodles]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

ONLY FIVE oh no LMAO To be honest I really love rereading my own stuff (it’s tailored to all my hyper-specific interests, after all! 🤣), so just picking 5 is hard, but I’ll try.

Redux Hero (FF7, Zack & Sephiroth, M) for sure! It’s a rewrite of the first fic I ever published online, and this time I finished it lmao FF7 has been such a big part of my life, so getting to be super indulgent with my headcanons in a big adventure story with my all-time favorite characters was such a joy to write. Plus I ended up with absolutely wonderful people hyping me up while I was working on it! And it helped me with processing some of my own personal shit. I could write a whole other book about how happy writing this one made me lol

Poster Boy (FF7, Zack/Seph or Zack & Seph, G) - This was my first Seph & Zack fic where I really felt like they matched my headcanon versions of them, to the point that if I’m having a bit of trouble with new fics, I like to reread this one to kinda get back into the right mindset. Like a voice actor having a key phrase to get into character, I guess lol Plus it’s just short and cute, so it’s a nice, quick, pick me up if I’m having a rough time writing.

What Lies Beyond the Lily of the Valley (FF7, Zack & Seph, T) - this one is close to my heart, since it acts as somewhat of an homage to the old FF7 fics I used to read as a kid Namely, “Lily Valley” by LuckyLadybug. That fic (and a lot of her other fics tbh!) really inspired a huge, huge love of Sephiroth and Zack just going on missions together. No big catastrophic, world-ending threat; just the job. Being friends. Uncovering horrible secrets and organizations that aren't Shinra. Or, as is the case with my fic, the two of them uncovering a whole undiscovered realm that, by the end of, they want absolutely nothing to do with LOL I had so much fun with the fae shenanigans. 

FFS, I Believe in You (Breath of the Wild, Sidlink, T) - MY FIRST FINISHED FANFIC LOL and also just the goofiest thing from start to finish (minus the Angst, there is definitely also Angst). I feel like this one really helped me learn how to make notes and actually construct a whole multichapter. It also forced me to learn how to write in iambic pentameter, which. Is that useful? Idk. Is it funny to me personally? Extremely so, yes. I didn’t really participate much in fandom before this fic, so it also ended up being an amazing opportunity to meet some incredible people, and coaxed me out of my lurker shell a bit lol (Also I don’t think I’ll ever beat this one in kudos, with any other story, which is just gonna make me laugh forever because SHAKESPEAREAN LIZALFOS??? THAT’S the most popular one I’ve written?? Understandable, I wouldn’t have it any other way LMAO)

Out of My Head (Venom (Marvel Comics), SymbiOT3, M) - I really let loose with this one and ended up using a lot of writing techniques that I still use in my writing today. Most especially, not feeling guilty about shorter chapters lol It’s at the top of my list for revisiting if I can ever get my brain to fixate on Venom again, because dammit I had two other arcs planned aaaaaaaaAAAAA— hopefully someday. RH did get a rewrite after uh, 9 years, after all;;;;;;;

This was fun, thank you Holly!! 

(also meant to add: my favorite thing about All the fics I've written to date is all the awesome friends I've made through them 💖 it's so cool to me how writing silly stories about my blorbos has helped me meet some of my favorite people ever)

[pink-booty-butts]

Pranked (Jamie Winton x Reader Smut)

Pairing: Jamie Winton x fem!Reader

Word Count: 5,455

Summary: You and Dave low-key ignore Jamie and he is sad

Warnings: SMUT. Minors go away please!! Size kink?? Reader talks about Jamie’s massive dick a lot cos she’s a mood. Handjob. Oral. Fingering. The whole shebang. Kinda basically soft dom Jamie cos I’m lazy irl #sorrynotsorry

A/N: WHAT’S UP GANG, IT’S JAMIE JANUARY!! I wanted to write kinda jealous Jamie, but i think he just ended up being insecure lol. i really hope there’s not any major grammatical errors cos i’m tired of re-reading this lmao. This is very self indulgent bc I relate to Dave on a spiritual level and would wanna prank Jamie with him all the time :D i hope you all like it! <3 (also tagging @demontoucansam​, idk if i should make a taglist?? lol)

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“Alright, I think that’s the last of it,” Dave declares as he pushes the trunk of your car down to lock it. The two of you high-five in the driveway, giggling at the thought of what Jamie’s reaction to your prank might be. Before you have time to come up with hypotheticals, you see Jamie’s car coming around the corner. You panic and quickly shoo Dave inside.

“Act natural!” you warn. You both run to the living room couch after slamming the front door closed, practically jumping on it to assume casual positions before Jamie walks in. Dave turns the TV back on and you grab two video game controllers, nearly knocking Dave in the face when you toss his over to him. You hear Jamie’s keys jingle in the door right when the two of you start up another match. You glance over to Dave who is looking at you with a similar expression; pure relief that you were able to get everything in order just in time.

“I’m home,” Jamie announces while taking his shoes off. You continue your match while providing exaggerated commentary, hoping to keep up the illusion of having been doing this for a while. Though the two of you have only been at it for a few minutes, both of you are extremely competitive and get sucked into the game instantly. Hearing your voices, Jamie makes his way into the living room.

You see Jamie sit down next to you from the corner of your eye, his thigh brushing yours as he does so. You smile in his direction and are about to say something to greet him, but  you are interrupted when Dave shoves your shoulder with his in an attempt to break your concentration.

“Hey!” you laugh. You flick your eyes back to the TV screen without saying anything to Jamie; intent on beating Dave as payback. You narrow your eyes at the screen and press the buttons furiously.

Jamie’s face falls. He knows you’re probably not intentionally ignoring him right now, but it still stings. He chalks up his sensitivity to having a stressful day at the bank and hopes that you will spend time with him later. He puts his hands on his knees and stands up, but not before giving you another hopeful glance. You don’t see it—still immersed in your video game—and he feels another blow hit his chest. He starts feeling self-conscious about you and Dave having fun and him being sad and clingy, so he decides to leave the room before ruining the mood further.

“Ha, I won!” You express triumphantly, pushing Dave on the shoulder as retribution for his shove from earlier. Dave laughs and falls back against the couch.

“That’s cause you cheated,” he accuses.

“Oh my god, how did I cheat?” You ask defensively. “If anyone cheated it was you, you literally pushed me!”

You argue with Dave for a while about the technical details of your video game match. Once your verbal sparring starts to get more heated, you stop and realize Jamie isn’t in the room with you anymore. Dave is about to victoriously declare his success due to your speechlessness, but stops himself once he realizes the reason why.

“Where’d he go?” you ask Dave, though you’re facing away from him and peering around the living room entrance. Right when you ask that you hear a squeaking noise coming from the bathroom, letting you both know the water was just turned on. You turn your head to look at Dave again and he gives you a guilty look. “I’m gonna...” you start awkwardly, standing up and pointing in the direction of Jamie’s bedroom.

“Yeah,” Dave replies quickly. “Go do that. I’ll deal with this,” he gestures to the mess in the living room. Though you had only been playing games for a few minutes, the living room was a bit of a disaster with bags of chips and empty cups on the coffee table. The two of you hadn’t pranked Jamie in a while, and as such it took a lengthy brainstorming session to get the creative juices flowing. Both you and Dave thought your current prank was genius and were baffled that you hadn’t thought of it before, but now it only contributed to your nervousness as you worried about Jamie’s sense of humor if he was upset.

You walk past the bathroom and go into Jamie’s bedroom. You sit on the edge of the bed and look around, trying to calm yourself down with the familiarity. There were a lot of pictures of the two of you around his room, and some of your clothes were lazily strewn about. Though Jamie was a neat person, he typically didn’t mind your clothes being all over the place for some reason. Despite this, you decide to stand up and organize them into a pile, giving you something else to focus on as you waited for him to come back into his room.

Jamie walks into the room with a towel around his waist but stops at the threshold once he sees you in there. You are facing away from him, folding your clothes and stacking them on his desk chair. He looks down at the floor before speaking.

“Are you leaving?” he asks worriedly. You jump at the sound of his voice and turn around to face him.

“No, of course not!” you exclaim. “I mean, unless you want me to. But I just thought I’d clean up a bit.” You fiddle with your fingers as if they’re the most interesting things in the world, and Jamie leans against his doorway. You notice his mournful expression, so you decide to speak again. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

Jamie tenses at your question, not wanting to admit his true feelings. Though his sour mood began at work, walking in and seeing you and Dave together reminded him of the thoughts he’s been ruminating on for the past month or so. He knows you and Dave would never do anything to intentionally hurt him, nor would you cheat on him, but sometimes he felt left out when it was the three of you together. You and Dave just clicked in ways that Jamie didn’t understand sometimes, despite him knowing Dave for much longer than you. It was a feeling that has been persisting for a while, but he still didn’t have the courage to talk to you about it. A week ago he asked Dave if he ever got into arguments with you, and when Dave told him he couldn’t recall any, Jamie felt even worse about himself. Jamie got into small arguments with you now and then, did that mean you weren’t compatible?

He worried if he asked you about it you would realize that perhaps you did have feelings for Dave. Or even worse, you would realize Jamie was boring compared to you and Dave, and you would seek out someone who could better match your energy. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he smiles, though you can tell it’s forced. “Just had a bad day at work.” He pushes himself off the doorway and walks into his room. He closes the door, and when he’s facing away from you he shuts his eyes tightly to prevent tears from falling. He blinks them away and hopes you don’t notice.  

You sit down on the edge of the bed, some of your anxiety dissipating at hearing you aren’t the cause of him being upset. You can still tell something is off though, so you try to press the matter gently. “Do you want to talk about it?” you ask hesitantly.

Jamie mistakes your hesitant tone for annoyance and shakes his head when he faces you. It stung, but your question made some other feelings arise within him. Maybe this is why you and Dave got along better; because neither of you talked about your feelings. The two of you were more prone to burying your emotions behind fake smiles and silly jokes, something that annoyed Jamie to no end, but maybe he needs to put more effort into being less sensitive about things.

“No, I’d rather not,” he lies. He feels bad, but maybe if he pretends to be okay, he will be. Fake it til you make it and all that jazz. He can’t help wanting to be close to you though, so he walks towards you and sits down next to you. His hand reaches towards your own hands sitting in your lap, but he pulls it back, feeling unsure of himself. He tries to play it off by pulling at the fuzz on the towel around his waist. “Can we cuddle though?” he asks hopefully. Then he remembers you and Dave were in the middle of playing a game, and he preemptively tenses at the fear of being rejected again. “Unless you and Dave are busy…” he trails off.

You chuckle at his request. “Of course we can cuddle.” You scoot closer to him and wrap your arms around his neck, light water droplets falling onto your hands from his damp hair. You bring your face closer to his and give him a quick kiss on the lips. “Who cares about Dave? You’re my boyfriend, Jamie. You’re my number one priority.”

Jamie smiles and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. He buries his face in your neck; hoping if he gets closer to you physically he can get rid of his anxious thoughts. You wrap your legs around his waist and fall backwards onto the bed, pulling him with you. Jamie lifts his head from your neck to look down at you, relieved to see you smiling at him. He didn’t have to talk about it with you. As long as you kept smiling at him like that he could pretend those feelings didn’t exist. He shifts his body closer to the head of the bed so he was laying down fully, and you follow. Jamie wraps his arms around your back and rests his head on top of yours, closing his eyes contentedly. You wrap your arms around his waist and tangle your legs with his, which ended up being slightly difficult due to his awkward towel placement. Your nose is pressed up against his naked chest and you enjoy the fresh smell of his body wash, while he delights in the comfort of your embrace after a long, grueling day.

An impatient knock on Jamie’s bedroom door startles the two of you. Jamie opens his eyes quickly but doesn’t move from his position. You’re about to lift your head to investigate, but he pulls you closer into him to prevent you from doing so.

“What?” he yells at the door, annoyed at being interrupted.

“Sorry mate, just wanted to let Y/N know she left her phone on the table,” says Dave’s muffled voice. Jamie clenches his teeth, standing up abruptly and stomping over to the door. He swings it open forcefully, snatching your phone from Dave’s hand and slamming the door in his face (You hear a small ‘ow’ as a result). He slaps your phone on his desk before pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. You lean on your elbow and lift your upper body to look at him from the bed, startled by Jamie’s display of anger.

You swing your legs over the side of the bed carefully, wanting to assess the situation. You take a few, short steps toward Jamie. Once you reach him, you place your hands on his biceps. You look up at him, giving him a concerned look that he can't yet see. He sighs and lets his arms fall, opening his eyes to look at you.

“Talk to me,” you demand softly. Jamie’s heart clenches at the anticipation of his worst fears about to come true. He looks away and stares at the wall, not able to face you.

“It’s-it’s nothing,” he stutters, biting his bottom lip in an attempt to control himself. Tears prick at the corners of his eyes, and his hands move to rub them away. You beat him to it and grab his face, forcing him to look at you again.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” you whisper. You were worried, you have never seen Jamie like this before and you didn’t know what to do about it. You drop your hands from his face to his hands, tugging him towards the bed to sit down. Once he does, you sit down across from him slowly, not wanting to give the impression that you are impatient for him to respond. Jamie looks down, a tear rolling down his cheek as he avoids looking at you.

“Do you… like Dave?” he questions, his voice cracking. Your eyes widen in response. Though his question could suggest friendship, his reaction said it all. Suddenly, his behavior over the past few weeks all made sense and you had an epiphany. How did you not notice this before?

“No,” you answer. Jamie’s watery eyes shoot up to look at you in response. “I mean, as a friend yeah, but not like that. I can’t believe you’d think that Jamie, that’s gross,” you joke, trying to lighten the mood. Maybe it was inappropriate considering the circumstances though, so you attempt to explain yourself. “He’s like a brother to me. I mean, can you imagine? Well I guess you’d have to, to be thinking like this. But that relationship would be a complete nightmare. We’d burn ourselves out, get on each other’s nerves way too much, and probably kill each other. If we had kids, we’d probably lose them in the grocery store and go to jail.” You continue rambling and Jamie chuckles, feeling relieved at your honesty and attempt to cheer him up. He places his hand on your thigh and rubs gentle circles into your sweatpants, causing you to stop. You place your hand on top of his reassuringly and bring your other hand to his face once more. “Sorry Jamie, I hate to tell you this but you got stuck with me after our first date.”

“Do you mean that?” Jamie asks, still slightly anxious. His other hand comes up to hold yours to his face, and he squeezes it gently to reassure himself that this moment is real.

“Yeah, I do,” you smile, gently caressing Jamie’s cheek with your thumb. “I love you, and I don’t want to be with anyone else. Much less Dave,” you exaggerate your face when you say Dave’s name to a look of disgust, wanting Jamie to understand how horrible you find the insinuation that you would be romantically interested in his best friend.

“I love you too,” he murmurs, relaxing against your hand. He looks at you lovingly, feeling guilty that he ever thought you would leave him. “But I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. You two aren’t that irresponsible.”

You let out an insincere laugh, amused by his statement. “The only reason we’re not that bad is because of you, Jamie.” You maneuver yourself into Jamie’s lap and hug him tightly, holding onto him like a sloth on a branch. He wraps his arms around your waist to prevent you from falling.

The towel around Jamie’s waist does little to hide his growing erection. He blushes, and you pull your face back to look at him. You grin and wiggle your hips in his lap. You press your lips against his and Jamie reciprocates eagerly, causing him to harden beneath you even more. You pull your lips away, wanting to observe his facial expressions. His eyes are still closed though as he relaxes in the warmth and security of your presence.

“I can’t believe you were jealous of Dave, of all people,” you giggle. Jamie’s eyes shoot open, and he blushes further.

“I wasn’t jealous,” he tries to defend himself, not able to meet your eyes with his own. You pull his chin up to face you again.

“Oh you so were,” you insist. “You have nothing to be jealous over though. You're the most handsome man I've ever seen, also the kindest and most thoughtful. Sometimes I start crying because of how amazing you are and I can't believe how lucky I am. I want to hold you forever and never let go,” you tell him as you slowly reach your hand between the two of you, splaying your legs out for easier access. "And besides your other amazing qualities, you’ve basically got God’s dick between your legs.” You look up at him with a raised eyebrow, stopping right before you touch his length. He nods eagerly, and you start stroking through his towel slowly.

Jamie blushes even more; his face and neck beet red after your praise. “It’s not that big,” he responds honestly. He spreads his legs open further, allowing you to reach more of him. Once he knows you won’t fall from his lap, he leans back on his palms, biting his lip at the feeling of your hand on his cock.

“It definitely is, Jamie,” you smile. “Literally every time we have sex I can’t walk afterwards, so I’m not sure where you got the idea that you don’t have a giant monster penis. I’m not complaining though.” You then reach between both layers of his towel to touch it directly and he gasps in response; his head tilting back in pleasure. You lean forward, causing Jamie to fall against his bed. You lick your palm before wrapping it around his cock, and move your head to his exposed neck to kiss him there. You start stroking him slowly, wanting to savor the moment. He moans quietly, closing his eyes tightly. You start moving your hand a bit faster, wanting to push him over the edge, but he stops your hand with his. You lean your head over his to look down at him questioningly.

“Wait,” he breathes out. “I want to make you feel good first.”

“You don’t have to do that Jamie,” you reassure him. You think he’ll let it go and allow you to continue, but he wraps his hand around yours tighter to prevent you from moving it.

“I know,” he starts. “But I want to. Please?” He looks up at you with pleading eyes and your heart melts, despite your growing arousal for him. You loosen your grip around him, and he lets go of your hand.

“…Okay, if you insist,” you relent. Jamie grins triumphantly, lifting his torso to lean against one of his forearms. His other hand comes up to the side of your face and he gently pushes you to him, allowing him to kiss you. He leans back and pulls you with him, before flipping the two of you over quickly so he is on top of you. You gasp at this and Jamie slips his tongue between your teeth, roaming your mouth passionately. You feel Jamie undo the bow of your sweatpants in a swift motion before he pushes them down your legs. Once he gets them down to your knees you kick them off, helping him remove them. Jamie then presses his erection against your clothed entrance, and you briefly wonder how his towel is still on after all of this.

Jamie tangles his other hand in your hair, pulling you closer towards him as he continues kissing you. His other hand travels along your side to the hem of your shirt, tugging it upwards so you get the hint. You do and lift your body so he can take it off of you. The two of you separate your lips so he can do so, and his eyes travel down your almost naked body appreciatively. His eyes crinkle from his smile; admiring you like it’s the first time he’s seen you like this. You blush, and his eyes flick back up to your face. He starts kissing you again, gently rolling his hips against yours, causing wetness to pool between your legs. The texture of the towel against your naked legs is a bit weird, but it strangely added to the pleasure building in your core as it rubbed against the wet spot on your underwear.

Jamie’s mouth traveled from yours down to your neck, kissing you there. You feel him nip and suck at your neck a few times, slowly and hesitantly at first. You moan when he sucks your neck harder, blushing with the knowledge that he was definitely going to leave marks as the pace of his mouth grew quicker and more passionate. You don’t have time to ask him about it though, as the thought completely left your head at his next question.

“Do you want my mouth first, or my fingers?” he whispers against the shell of your ear, breathing heavily. You weren’t sure if it was the heightened arousal making Jamie sound more confident, or maybe you were just hearing things, but his deep voice made you blush. Seemingly in an attempt to encourage an answer from you, you feel one of his hands travel between your legs, stroking your entrance through your underwear.

“I don’t…” you trail off, not able to choose between the two. Jamie grins against your neck, pleased with himself and the effect he has on you. He removes his hand from your underwear and moves both of his hands to your breasts, massaging them through your bra as he dips his head down to kiss you again. He wriggles one of his hands between your back and the mattress to unclasp your bra, allowing him to remove it from you. Both of his hands move to your nipples, twirling them gently as he waits for you to continue your sentence.

“That’s okay, I’ll pick for you,” he assures you after you fail to provide him with an answer. He shifts his body down the bed, lowering his face in between your legs. He wraps his arms around your legs, holding them open as he gives your clothed pussy a few slow licks. He moves one of his arms so he can hold your legs open with just one of them, using the other to pull your underwear off. You shiver at the air against your most sensitive part, but you don’t have time to even think about closing your legs again as Jamie dives his mouth back down. His free hand goes back up to your breasts, teasing your nipples gently with his fingertips. He brings one of your legs up onto his shoulder while pressing the other one down, allowing him to lick you directly without you suffocating him. Not that he would mind, of course. He circles your clit with the tip of his tongue and alternates between that and long, slow licks. You writhe beneath him, and though Jamie feels slightly guilty for the bruises you might later have from him forcing your legs open, he’s made it his mission to pleasure you as much as possible today.

Jamie look at your face purposefully, studying your reactions as he continues eating you out. From your perspective, it’s a strange mix between slightly embarrassing and mostly arousing. His wide brown eyes are looking up at you with complete innocence, yet his tongue is working filthily and methodically against your core, having memorized exactly how to have you a complete mess beneath him. As he continues his unrelenting pace, and the two of you share eye contact, your first orgasm hits you. Jamie licks at your wetness eagerly, enjoying the sweet taste of your release. He separates his mouth from your core and sits up, allowing you to see some of your wetness trailing down his chin. He wipes it away with the back of his hand and then proceeds to lick it off. You watch as Jamie slowly sucks his fingers, closing his eyes as if he just had a delicious meal and wanted to savor every last taste of it.

He readjusts himself to kiss you again and you taste yourself on his tongue. The same hand he just licked moves to plunge a finger into your core, causing you to whine. Jamie pumps it in and out of you, starting slow but increasing his pace gradually. He inserts another finger to scissor you, wanting to hopefully prepare you for later. You moan into his kisses, which cause his fingers to stutter or stop occasionally, but he resumes his pace every time.

Wanting to make Jamie feel good as well, you move your hand in between the layers of his towel again. When he feels you stroke his length, he freezes in place. He leans back, bringing his free hand to yours and pulling it away.

“No,” he chastises softly. He intertwines his fingers with yours, before bringing your hand up to the side of your head, pining it against the mattress. He continues fingering you and leans in to kiss you, but you stop him with a finger to his lips.

“Why not?” you ask him quietly. Now it was your turn to feel insecure. Were you bad at it? Did you hurt him earlier? Your eyebrows furrow in confusion and concern, but Jamie is quick to notice and explain himself.

He glances down towards your finger on his lips, then back at your eyes. You remove it, allowing him to speak unobstructed. “I want to focus on you right now,” he tells you honestly. “I love you, and I love how you make me feel, but if I let you touch me there I’m going to forget what I’m doing.” He slowly pulls his fingers out of your wet entrance, before pushing them back in and continuing his movements. His thumb moves to your clit, circling it slowly. “Is that okay?” You nod, but notice Jamie doesn’t seem satisfied with that.

“Y-yeah,” you manage to say, moaning again as he increases the speed of his hand slightly. Jamie smiles at you, lowering his head to kiss you.

His lips part from yours and he whispers to you, “Okay, I’m going to... put it in now.” He lines up the head of his cock with your entrance, and as he enters you his face moves to your neck. You feel the heat radiate from his cheeks, letting you know he is blushing profusely. Though Jamie's confidence when it came to sex had increased significantly, he was still a bit awkward when it came to talking about penetration for some reason.

“Jesus Christ, you’re huge,” you whine in between shallow breaths. “Every time I think I’ll get used to it, I’m proven wrong,” you whimper, closing your eyes tightly. Despite doing his best to prepare you for him, you still feel a bit of an uncomfortable stretch as he slowly pushes himself into you. Your back arches as he does so, and you moan loudly as your walls clench around his length. Jamie nips and licks at your neck once again in the hopes of helping you relax for him. Once fully inside you his cock twitches, but he keeps himself still as he waits for your approval. One of his hands moves to one of your breasts to circle your nipple; trying to provide you with pleasure as he waits for you to adjust. You feel like his size affected your brain somehow as you feel your thoughts disappear, but you eventually manage to speak again and say, “You can move now.”

His thrusts start slow; wanting to ensure he’s not causing you any pain. As his pace increases he begins breathing heavier, expelling hot breaths and quiet moans into the crook of your neck.

“You feel amazing Jamie,” you disclose to him, wanting to make up for the lack of providing him with physical pleasure. “No one’s ever made me feel as good as you do.” You practically yelp out your last sentence; some of the words slurring together into a jumbled mess. After that declaration, you feel a few of Jamie’s thrusts become rougher. Your whimpers become louder as a result, and once he notices he quickly goes back to his pre-established pace.

“Do you mean that?” he asks, lifting his head from your neck. His chest swells with pride at the thought that no one had pleasured you as well as he does. Perhaps it was a sign that you would never leave him, and maybe you’d even agree to marry him someday. Jamie’s mind started swirling with possibilities of your futures together, and—as he got lost in his daydreams—his thrusts became rougher once again.

“Of-of course,” you brokenly moan. You bring your unpinned hand to the wet hairs at the back of his head, pulling his face towards yours and smashing your lips against his. That was the last straw for Jamie. As he moans into your mouth between kisses, his pace increases exponentially, as if he was no longer capable of controlling himself or his body. His thrusts are hard and desperate, a change from his usual preference of slow and gentle love-making. He didn't want to hurt you, but the love he feels for you is deep and vast and intense; and his body is hell-bent on displaying the extent of it to you. Though his lips whisper ‘I love you’, his body is screaming: ‘Don’t leave me’.

“I love you so much,” he breathes into your mouth once again, as if they were the only words he remembers how to say.

“I love you too,” you respond, and—seemingly with perfect timing—your orgasm decides to spill forth. The hand on his neck limply falls on the bed as your orgasm floods your body, the pleasure coursing through you causing you to forget basic motor functions. Jamie moans at the sensation of your walls clenching around him, and after a few more thrusts, he comes as well. He collapses on top of you, wrapping his arms and legs underneath your body before flipping the two of you over so you were laying on top of him. He holds your exhausted body to his tightly, bringing one of his hands up to stroke through your strands affectionately. As the two of you catch your breath, the hand that was once in your hair grabs the sheet underneath you, and he pulls it over your still-connected bodies.

“By the way,” he exhales, panting a few times before starting his next sentence. Your eyes are closed as you recover, but you swear you can hear a smirk in his voice. “Mind telling me where all my clothes have gone?”

You slap a hand over your mouth to prevent a laugh from spilling out. “Uh, what do you mean? Your clothes have disappeared? Wow, that’s crazy! I wonder how that happened?”

“Right," he says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "So you’re telling me you had nothing to do with it?” he asks, bringing his hand to your back to start stroking along your spine.

You place your hands on his chest, resting your chin on them so you can look at him. “Of course I didn’t! Wow Jamie, you have such little faith. Dave and I haven’t pranked you in ages, what makes you think we’ve come up with something today of all days?”

“So the boxes filled with clothes in the back of your car are definitely not mine then?” he asks, grinning at you with satisfaction.

Your face falls flat on his chest, and you groan. “How’d you figure it out?”

“You left your keys in the driveway,” he recounts. “I stepped on them, and the trunk opened. You should really keep them in your pocket, you know.”

“I know, I know,” you laugh. “I can’t believe I was bested by a set of keys again.” Jamie stops his fingers against your back, choosing to wrap both of his arms around your waist tightly.

“So, what do I win this time?” He asks gleefully. A while ago you and Dave had established a rule that if Jamie figured out your prank before it was finished, he’d win something. Typically it was something easy like paying for drinks or movie tickets, but it depended on the severity of the prank.

“Ya know, we hadn’t talked about it yet,” you laugh nervously. “We were going to after we finished, but then you came home and I came in here so…” you explain awkwardly, motioning your hand around his room. “I can ask him later though.”

“Actually,” Jamie starts, smiling confidently as his hand trails down to the back of your knee and pulls it up towards him. “I think I’ve got an idea for my reward.”

[apoptoses]

***Sending this again in case you didn’t get it the first time (so if you did, feel free to ignore it 🤭)

"ps did you read the riccardo and amadeo fic? did you like it?" I DID x2. It was both insanely hot and peak comedy lmao Amadeo was SUCH an unbearable brat and Riccardo knew exactly how to handle him. They were babies! And they were so content in each other’s arms, before it all (literally) burned down in flames. Just babies!!!🥺

"or what seems like ages- months, years, time has no meaning here in the magical city of Venice" this line legit made me burst out laughing. Amadeo was really out there living Sharon Stone’s life in Casino for a while wasn’t he?😭 but also as someone who’s been in both Venice and Vegas, I can 100% confirm this is a thing.

“Does that feel good? Tell me how you like it, Amadeo,” Riccardo murmurs into his skin. There’s concern there but there’s a hint of arrogance too; confirmation that Riccardo knows exactly what he’s doing to him. It thrills Amadeo to his core, it reminds him of his master, so effortlessly self assured." PLEASE 🥵 The way they kept teasing and daring each other to escalate things further as they became more desperate for each other, so so good 🥵

And this, my heart 🥺 “This kind of boyish game could only happen between the two of them. They’re equals, he and Riccardo. There’s no stakes to this game. Just pleasure. Fun.” Such a perfect summary of their friendship. They were equals. Riccardo would’ve gone to hell and back (and he did) for Amadeo, but they were equals from the start.

I also loved how you noted that despite Ricardo’s efforts, Amadeo would never truly be satisfied, how the blood had made it impossible for him to ever feel like he got what he wanted. 10/10 absolute perfection xoxo DA ❤️

Also salivating over that medical kink fic preview!! can't wait to see Daniel's insides getting wrecked yet again 🥹

ahhhh I didn't get the first so thank you for sending it again!! ♥

Amadeo is SUCH a brat haha But it really sets up his future exploits with Daniel, how when he lets his guard down he can be just as bossy and demanding (and can handle catching hell right back from his partner too)

I just love this brief period of his life and getting to have someone show him a good time with no ulterior motive. Like he can be normal with Riccardo! They can banter and one up each other and then really enjoy the things they're doing because Riccardo is his equal, he doesn't want anything beyond having fun in the moment. And I think Amadeo needed that even if it didn't fulfill him in the end.

And not even because Riccardo couldn't satisfy him. Just that unacknowledged trauma, constantly having the goal posts shifted with Marius- it's a void in him time never seems to heal.

And now I really can't stop thinking about how similar Riccardo and Daniel could be (and the notes they could compare on Armand lol). I just really want to do more with this guy.

And oh! The medical fic! It's really gone off the rails haha There's going to be two versions, the usual explicit fic but also an uncut X-rated version with some more extreme kink that maybe like five people will enjoy lol

But because you indulge me and my begging for your reviews, here's another little preview-

[...] It’s hard to think with Armand placing the speculum into his nostril.

Embarrassing, this. Daniel’s face goes red hot as Armand peers up inside his nose, taking far longer than should really be necessary to do this little exam. Daniel glances between the drop-tile ceiling and Armand’s dark brown eyes; his own eyes watering when Armand cranks the instrument open wider.

His nose aches. His cartilage feels stretched beyond its limits but Armand just keeps looking. Daniel grips the edge of the chair and holds his breath, as if that will somehow make it feel like his skin isn’t about to break from this inspection.

“Armand-“ he begins.

“Just another moment, Daniel. Relax. Don’t you trust me at all?” Armand asks.”I’ve inspected more delicate parts of you without injury.”

Yes. Armand has run his fingers over his gums and examined the ridges of his teeth. He’s scrubbed the spaces between Daniel’s toes in the bath, has washed the most intimate parts of him. But those were with careful fingers. This is with a cold metal instrument. It’s a type of penetration Daniel can’t shake his awareness of and so he can’t get comfortable, not with this chrome piece of technology separating him from Armand’s hands.

“It’s just different, that’s all. Intrusive,” Daniel complains. “It’s-”

And then, before he can complete his sentence, the metal instrument is removed. Daniel barely has a chance to heave a sigh of relief before Armand is inserting it into the other side.

The annoying part is that his body is aroused by this. That his blood rushes from the pain, his cock twitches in his jeans from the utter loss of control. The shame of having Armand peer into parts of him that no one was ever meant to see is outweighed by the thrill of Armand knowing some secret about his body. When Armand’s latex gloved hand pats his knee and he mutters a “you’re doing very well, Daniel,” that touch sends a jolt of heat straight to his groin.

xoxo ♥