#explain your favorite novel badly

[indistressandwantstoletitallout]

Jewish vegan man with tries to steal his late grandfather's stuff when realizing he only stole two stuffs from his late grandfather, he uses his Russian friend and his grandfather who is "blind" to take him to find the woman who saved his late grandfather in WW2 to steal more stuff to hang in a wall.

[cheresha]

While I was working on my last drawing I thought it would be fun to make a post explaining my process like the one I did for my digital art! This is mostly an excuse to gush about copic markers because they are my absolute favorite medium and I feel like working with them has helped me improve a lot in a short period of time! It's also really fun to take something that isn't made for realism and try to adapt it to my style.

This is in no way a tutorial because I still have a lot to learn and improve upon but I will be sharing some tips that have made my drawing process way easier!

I'm putting the rest under a read more because I'll probably end up writing a novel length post lmao

Now, let's start from the basics - this is the sketchbook I use because it's made for markers and allows you to blend the colors smoothly while giving you a glossy finish.

Please ignore its sorry state, it's relatively new but it fell apart almost immediately 🙄 Not to sound like a grumpy old person but my old one I got a few years ago was of much better quality but it is what it is I guess. I'll still continue using it because it's still the best I've tried. It's also really good for color pencils.

Moving on to the markers - I have quite a few, mostly skin tones and pinks because that's what I need for the result I'm looking to achieve but if you're just starting or are not interested in drawing realistic portraits, this set is pretty much all you need to draw people and you can get whichever other colors you see fit. I have a few bright colors I use mostly for backgrounds.

About the price - they are expensive, yes, but if you are like me and use them 2-3 times a month they can last for a really long time. The one I use the most lasted me for over 1 year so in my opinion they are worth giving a try if you have the budget for them, especially because you can easily mix the colors to create new shades instead of buying new markers.

Moving on to the process itself - I try to make my drawings relatively small, as you can see here.

That's because copic markers dry really fast and you have to work quickly if you want your colors to blend properly 🥲 The smaller the drawing, the easier your life will be (his right arm was pretty stressful to draw ngl). Also since the paper is really thin be careful with your eraser because if you damage it, the marker ink will turn that spot into a weird looking splotch that you won't be able to fix 🥲

I have to admit that lineart is not my favorite thing to draw because I have shaky hands and tend to make mistakes but I think it makes my drawings look better so I try my best to practice more and always do warmups before I start. I got these fineliners from my local art supply store and like them quite a lot since they don't smudge easily. I use the 0,2 one for the drawing itself and the 0,5 one for the 'frame'. I like to wait for at least 30 minutes for my lineart to dry before I start coloring. Also, most of the time I don't ink the eyebrows at this point but prefer to draw them on after I'm done with the rest of the face because I will go over them so many times with my markers that I might end up smudging them pretty badly.

After my lineart has dried, I like to get the background done first because if I leave it for last, it can smudge the hair and stain my marker which will alter its color and that annoys me a lot even though it's fixable. Also, this is probably the only time I use the broad tip of the marker because it's perfect for bigger areas. Otherwise it's not very precise so I use the bush tip for everything else. I usually go over the background twice to make sure it looks as smooth as possible.

Okay, moving on to the face! I like to start from the midtones because it helps give structure to the face from the very beginning. After that I go in with the palest shade I have - pale fruit pink (E000). I use it mostly for blending and for the highlights since it's barely visible and really helps you achieve a smooth look. I like it way more than the clear one they sell specifically for blending, it's such a waste of money and leaves weird discolored spots all over your drawing 🙄

Here we make a pretty big time jump because I was fighting for my life (trying to blend the shadows). I recently got the cool brown (E71) and love it so much, it's perfect for the darker areas, also the hair and eyes! But you can achieve a pretty similar color if you go over E11 or E93 with BV31, I use it a lot because it makes the transition between the different shades way smoother and I feel like it gives extra depth to the face!

And the rest of his face is done! For some reason mixing a decent lip color is not easy for me because they tend to end up looking really cartoonish/unnatural but I feel like these 3 colors gave me a pretty okay result! Fortunately his eyebrow turned out okay too, I went in with the cool brown (E71) first a couple of times to establish the basic shape and later added the eyebrow hairs with the 0,2 fineliner.

I used the same colors and technique for his neck - nothing new to add here.

Same with his arm, except I used only the lavender color for the darkest parts - you can't really see it from the picture but irl it looks almost the same as the cool brown.

Time for the hair! This is probably where I need to improve the most since it always looks the most cartoonish out of the whole drawing and it really doesn't look that good compared to the more realistic skin. Black hair is especially difficult for me since you can't really blend the black marker and trying to go over it does nothing but stain my lighter markers. That's why currently I start from my higlight color - it also doesn't have to look neat since it will get covered by the black later and the uneven strokes help add some depth to the finished hair :))

I think I did a decent job overall and going over some of the highlights with this darker gray helped, too. Sometimes I like using a white pen to add a few more details but here I decided against it since I wanted to keep things simple.

I loooove adding stray hairs but I think I went a bit overboard here ahah I also need to get a 0,1 fineliner for them since this one seems a bit too thick.

As I mentioned before, his other arm was pretty hard because I had to work extra fast but I ended up liking how it turned out! I especially love drawing the small details on the hands so I had lots of fun, too. Also, I used the same colors for his pants minus the pinkish one (E93).

And now it's time for the final boss - the cardigan. I've never drawn such a detailed outfit before but it was pretty simple in terms of colors so it wasn't that difficult in the end and I got to practice drawing two very different types of fabric. I also forgot to add it here but I went over these 2 colors with a light warm gray (W-1) a couple of times to give it a softer look.

Here's the finished cardigan - I also added the black details with my marker instead of a fineliner because I didn't want it to look too precise/neat.

I also added the shadows under him with these 2 colors.

And finally I used these 2 for the sheets!

Thank you for reading this whole thing (if you're here you deserve a prize fr), I love talking about markers sm so if there's anything else you're curious about please don't hesitate to let me know!

[dangermousie]

would you happen to have thoughts about the acting/casting and/or depth of characterization in rise of ning? i'm watching it and wanna be more into it but fsr most of the cast (besides wanyi and the stepmom) are not very...charismatic? to me 😧 would love a convincing mousie blog on the topic if you have one up your sleeve!

I am a terrible person for this kind of question because (a) I tend to watch most shows for the mains and supportings are less important to me in general and (b) I am not really a person who wants to convince others to like what I like because all my liking means is I enjoy it; others may or may not - I am no arbiter.

This said, while the OTP are the shining stars of the show for me, I do find the rest of the characters interesting (even if a lot of them are not likable - I dare anyone to find Dad likable.) I think it's because they all feel like real people to me - in their good and their petty. Even minor characters like First Aunt - I knooow women like this. Or the Dad - too many men are like that. Or take oldest daughter of First Aunt - so many other narratives would make her evil or besotted stupidly to the end but she is not - she ends up doing the sane thing and moving on from her crush and repaying FL's favor; but they don't become BFFs, they basically a nicely tolerant, which is a realistic thing in families.

And it allows characters both greyness and consistency. Take Lady Qiao. Awful person but loving mother and you really understand how Dad and societal structures pushed her into what she is. Or, even better, grandma - she is very much a grande dame of society, I am sure she was a good wife, but it's clear she is part of all the generational trauma and dad got his tendency to favoritism from her. And I love that she's consistently so - no magic change of heart vis-a-vis ML. It's realistic.

As to non-Luos, the only ones we really see are Ci Sha's sinister sexy marquis and his nephew. I am interested in the former not just for the hotness (tho mmmm) but because I want to know what his deal is, and nephew is interesting enough for a minor character.

(I am leaving actors out of this write up because I think they all do fine jobs, but mainly because unless acting is truly bad, I care about the characters only.)

This said - this is (a) very much a costume take on slice of life or, perhaps better, a cdrama take on something like a Gaskell novel - I love that small but wonderful subgenre but depending on one's taste, it just might not be one's bag (no matter how well a proper harem drama is made, for example, I just don't like them) and (b) this is all my very subjective take - I am a big fan of "clicking." I believe things either click for us or don't, somewhere in the lizard brain; we can then write a long explanation as to why but it really is an attempt to explain after the fact. And this just might be a situation where those characters/narratives just don't click for you. I mean, plenty of people enjoyed Are You the One this year and I felt like it poisoned my puppy - not even 100 essays could ever make me like it because it's so subjective. I could very well go "I get why X likes it" but it would, alas, not make me like it any more than I do now. I am one of probably three people who dislike the main premise of Nirvana in Fire (could write essays on it!) and the fact that everyone else loves it has not changed my mind.

I can perhaps explain (badly) why I think the click happened for me here, but I have no eloquence to make that click happen for anyone else (if I did, mwhahahahahaha I would take over the world and adapt every good danmei out there :P)

[bored-storyteller]

VERY LONG POST

It was supposed to be a little rant about Twisted Wonderland, it became a treatise (no, but almost):

So, I love the Diasomnia book. It's soooo good (also considering the type of game).

Lilia is enchanting me, Meleanor (or Malenoa) has enchanted me. She couldn't be more beautiful than this. We've seen her so little and yet in my opinion she is one of the most successful characters in Twisted Wonderland. She is the summary of what Twisted Wonderland should be, the dark side that reconciles with unconditional love. And with her being mother she introduces the concept which is the basis of Lilia and Silver (and also Malleus I presume), that is the concept of "true love". It's a blow to the heart, it's the key to development that can completely change things.

Ah, but then you know how to do things well.

And here comes my complaint: I start directly from the game first. I understand that Diasomnia is the main dorm and that Malleus (where are you Malleus?) is our front man. All right. But if they can do something like that now, then they could do at least half of this for the other characters too. Did they do it? Obviously not, or at least not for the most part. No, because if the other media have to come and explain to us the underlying reasons for the other Overblots then something is wrong. If to understand what the guys who are alongside us are doing and what they think I have to read the novel then yes, I get a little angry. Because they knows how to do things for heaven's sake.

Mind you, I'm not saying that Diasomnia can't have more screentime (also because they're giving us information on world building and who says anything), I'm simply talking about good writing and commitment to the characters that have been created. Also because there are already problems of opinion, if the writing is lascivious and incomprehensible, well, see you!

And here's the second point. I don't usually make posts like this, but this comes following a post I saw (I won't say how or where), where there was a clear devaluation of the other chapters and character issues in favor of Diasomnia. So, as much as can be forgivable addressing imaginary characters in a certain way (yes, they are all invented, they have neither merits nor demerits for being what they are, only the tragedy of being written badly in some cases), the treating some topics such as those of Riddle, or Azul or Jamil lightly or insensitively is questionable to say the least. And it can be offensive.

Just as I'm tired of hearing that Leona's problem is "jealousy". No, and even if the writing of the Savanaclaw arc (let alone the translation) doesn't help, no. He's not just jealous, just as Vil isn't just jealous. But I'm not here to do psychological analysis of characters that probably some wouldn't even understand.

You may not understand, yes, we have the right to not understand (especially, I repeat, given the weaknesses that are in the game). Fine, but it's our limit and we keep our head down and we keep quiet, or ask for things to be explained to us. There is no need to devalue, insult or mock the characters, because those characters are loved by someone, and there is a reason they are chosen. Revelation: no, if you like something you don't do it any good by devaluing the rest, but rather you throw that thing in the mud too. I'm not just talking about Twisted Wonderland, I'm also talking about your favorite author, your book or your anime character.

Guys, it's a matter of respect, you are not superior to anyone, and you are few. Come on, we are together, everyone waves their flag but high fives with those who are next to you.

This post has become very long, so I'm closing it, if anyone has something to dispute please, with all due respect.

Have a good day!

P.s. Sorry if I put this post here, I would like to put it on my personal blog but I haven't yet found the will to solve the access problems. I hope you forgive me.

[pebbleswritessometimes]

Hiii! 👋🏻

Could I request a Larissa x Reader smut encounter? I just wanted to see Reader being pressed against a bookshelf and them making out 🙂🙈💖. If you can make them getting caught by someone else and being questioned what they were doing, so Reader turns and picks the first book they see which for their embarrassment is Sappho 👁👄👁🤣

Hey dear! Hope this is okay :)

Caught

Larissa weems x Reader

Not super smutty but regardless

18+ MINORS GO AWAY

Warnings: none

Not really proof read, my apologies

You loved your work. The smell of old and well loved pages, watered soil from the potted plants, and brewed coffee, all blended together to create something that you considered simply divine. It was a calm responsibility, but one that you took pride in. Sorting novels and textbooks, charting out student book returns, and often losing yourself in an abundance of chapters at your desk.

Exams for the students had been completed the week prior, so it wasn’t often anyone would come into the library for anything. It was just you and your gigantic pile of books. You told yourself that you’d only pick out two books to take and enjoy at your desk. You realized as soon as you sat down, that wasn’t the case. Genres spanning from fantasy, to mystery, and even to some sappy romance. You flipped a coin, chose your book, and kicked your feet up on your desk.

“Holy shit. Queen Gwen is.. AHA SHES GAY, ANOTHER WIN, FUCK YEAH,” you flung your body off the chair and shimmied around in gay excitement. “Good morning, Miss Y/N. Are you sure that language is appropriate during school hours?” Your boss, Larissa, laughed as she watched your reaction. You squeaked as you bounced back, nearly ramming yourself into the shelves behind you. “I- uhh.. ah ha okay so see-“ you were a frazzled mess as you tried to explain that you had merely gotten a little too invested in your book. “I’m only teasing, dear. No need to worry,” she chuckled, placing the book she had tucked away in her arm, on the return cart. You exhaled, trying to compose yourself. You watched her as she filed through some of the books you had stacked on the table. Flipping them over, reading their previews, and with a hum, she’d place them back neatly where they had laid previously.

For some reason, you were nervous as you observed her. You never cared about what others thought of the books you read, but her? You wanted so badly for her to think highly of you. What would she think when she found that book about a super tall, vampire dommy mommy? Or what about the book that goes into detail of the relationship between a queer, gender neutral Lucifer and their fallen angel, wife? “Are these all the books you’re planning on reading today?” She smirked, walking over with a leather-bound book in her hands. “Or did you simply get carried away with your options,” you could’ve sworn you saw something in her eyes. “I- yes I seem to have gotten a little ambitious,” you tittered. “Ambitious. I like it,” she was definitely flirting now right? No, she wouldn’t play with you like that, would she? “Mind showing me where I could find more stories like this one?”

You took the book from her hands and- this is the one she wants similar books to? “Have you read this one, Principal Weems?” You turned your gaze towards her and tapped your fingers upon the books leather cover, as you waited for her answer. “Yes, it’s one of my favorites actually! You should read this one next, it’s a lovely book,” her smile never left her features. “This is actually one of my favorites, too! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve re-read it,” you nearly couldn’t contain the excitement from talking about your favorite book. Although, you were a little shocked that your boss had read the, “Lucifer and Fallen Angel,” book. Thinking about her reading chapter 5, where the fallen angel gets pushed against the wall by a towering Lucifer, a blush quickly made its way across your features. Furrowing her brows, she wondered what made you such a blushing mess in front of her.

“Well then, Miss Y/N. Maybe you’ll benefit from a trip to that section of the library as well,” she winked and turned towards the shelves. It almost seemed as if she knew exactly where she needed to go already.

Setting down the book and grabbing a small clay watering bell, you began to make your way to the section where the similar vein of books were located. Larissa was a little confused as to why you had a small piece of pottery that fit your thumb perfectly at the top. It clicked when you took a small detour towards the potted snake plant. “Sorry, Principal Weems. Snakester was due for a watering and I figured since we were headed back this way I could get her taken care of,” you chimed, “and I thought it’d be a good opportunity to test out the watering bell I made.” She looked at the bell, then back to you in awe, “You made that? It’s beautiful. And it seems to work very nicely,” she said as she admired you and the other work of art you had grasped in your dominant hand. “Yes, it does seem to work quite well, doesn’t it? Alright, my love, on to the books,” setting down the bell on the table that stood next to the plant. She blushed at the pet name and trailed behind you.

“So! Tell me, what did you like about that specific book? Maybe I’ll be able to point you in the direction of one’s you’re most likely to enjoy,” you looked up at her and immediately regretted it. Seeing her look down at you like that, you couldn’t help the thoughts forming in your mind. Suddenly, the minuscule confidence you previously carried, had completely evaporated. She stared down with a smirk. You started twirling your fingers and bit your cheek. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” She knew she had you in the palm of her hand. “Let’s see, hm. I enjoyed the banter between the two main characters,” stepping closer to you, “I loved the heavily seductive scenes and the way Luci pushed the angel back,” pushing another step forward until finally closing the space between. “Were you fond of that part too, Y/N?” She looked down at you as she grasped your chin with her thumb and pointer. With quick breaths, you frantically nodded. “Is this okay?” She checked as she moved her face closer to yours. Met with another nod, she corrected, “You have to use your words, sweetheart,” seeing you gulp before your answer, she smirked. “Yes, please.. yes,” you despised how pathetic you sounded but in that moment you wanted nothing more than to feel her lips on yours. Pushing you all the way back against the book shelf, she held your face and used her free hand to pull your hips towards her. A small moan escaped as she deepened the kiss and her hold on you.

Breaking away for just a moment to breath, “I can’t tell you how long I’ve been dreaming about that,” you admitted. “You’ve been dreaming about kissing your boss? Naughty, Miss Y/N,” she chuckled before confessing the same. Didn’t take you two long before you began to make out again. Moving her hand up your torso, you grabbed her face with your own hands and pushed your bodies closer. God, you needed her so bad, and she needed you just as much. She hitched up your leg and slid her knee between yours. You moaned at the action and couldn’t help the immediate movement you made. “So needy, my dear,” you both giggled.

“Y/N, are you back here? I had a question about-“ Thornhill had stopped in her tracks, wide eyed at the scene unfolding in front of her. With another squeak from you, you both stumbled back and away from each other. A large grin spread across her face, “Now, what are you two kids doing back here?” Larissa turned around, a rosey color painting her skin, she swiped out the wrinkles your little games had produced, and turned back around. “Oh! Hey Marylin! Haha we were just looking for uh,” scanning the books nearest to you and picking the first one that caught your eye, “This book! This one right here,” you let out a pained chuckle. “Is that so? What’s it about?” Thornhill raised an eyebrow and tilted her head as she excitedly awaited for your improvised answer. “What book? Oh this one? Oh let’s see, this is about um…it’s-“

Cursing yourself for not looking properly at the book before grabbing it, you looked back at the woman whose mouth was just glued to yours. Her arms were crossed on her chest, with her hand resting in her palm. You couldn’t believe how guilty she looked, if you hadn’t just been caught acting like two teenagers, you would’ve laughed at the sight of her being so bashful. “Go on, Y/N. Tell me what the story is about,” You could tell Marylin was enjoying this. She rocked back and forth on her heels.

Swallowing before you spoke, “It’s um. Haha, so it’s about two woman who- oh wow okay, phew um. It’s about two woman who,” it’s almost funny how much you’re struggling to get a simple explanation out. “They fall for each other and… and they- You know wow! Look at the time, Miss Weems! We oughta catch that thing at that place before it’s gone,” you look back at Larissa with pleading eyes and see she’s trying her best not to chuckle at the previous display of your nervousness. You shove the book back into the case and rush passed the woman who had just caught you with your tongue in your employers mouth. “Okay, bye!” You could be heard from a distance as you ran back to your desk and hid your face in your palms.

You hear the unmistakable clicking of Larissa’s heels making their way over to you. Glancing up through your fingers, you see the woman resting her arms on the counter above your desk. “She’s gone, sweetheart,” she looked at you fondly. “I can’t believe we did that,” keeping your face behind your hands. “I’m glad we did,” she returned. “I’ve got a parent meeting I’m needed at, but I’d like to see you later. Think you could meet me in my office after-hours?” She bit her lip as she proposed the question. It didn’t take long for you to give her the answer she was hoping for, “Yes, ma’am, I’ll be there.”

“Ma’am?” She tilted her head, “I like it,” she nodded as she made her way out of the library. It was safe to say, you had no clue what to expect that evening, but you were excited, nonetheless.

[qqueenofhades]

Do you have a favorite character relationship, platonic or romantic, that’s your favorite to write purely from an author format?

I feel like I’m wording this terribly, but I know for me personally, my favorite relationships to read and write from like… a fandom perspective based on what I ship? is different than the relationships that are interesting to me as an author, because trying to figure out how characters interact, trying to capture their relationship and banter and dialogue and mannerisms, I find in some ways is more fun and interesting and dynamic to write over even some of my absolute favorite relationships, because with my favorites, I read and write them so much that I’m very comfortable with them and sometimes it’s nice to know that I’m just able to go for it and write them because I trust my internal instinct about how to write them and how they act and talk.

But the ones that are more challenging to explore or more unique are in many ways almost more interesting to write, they scratch that author itch when I can pull them off, and especially enjoy.

Like, there’s the things fandom author me enjoys, and things literary author me enjoys, and while there’s a LOT of overlap I have different preferences and favorites on both sides

And honestly I think this goes for ALL writing, not just necessarily relationships? So yeah, there’s the question and I’m so sorry for the rambling, but what would you say are your favorite things and relationships and plots etc to write as a fandom author, and favorite ones as a literary author? I’m happy to try to explain more if I’m being confusing. Words. Hard. Sorry

Are you asking in terms of abstracts (i.e. overall character types/dynamics/broad themes) or specifics (i.e. actual characters/ships from particular media properties)? In general for fandom, I have certain tropes and dynamics that I gravitate toward: i.e. Trashy Garbage Man Falls For Tiny Fierce Woman Who Doesn't Take His Bullshit; Sunshine and Grumpy (any combination thereof); Stupid Homosexuals are Stupid and Cannot Communicate, Cause Problems for Themselves; Now With Even More Literal Centuries of Pining God They're So Fucking Stupid, and more. Most of my favorite and long-term ships, such as Garcy, Fivan, Dreamling, etc. fall into one or more of these categories. I also particularly enjoy or have enjoyed writing Flynn (Timeless), Hob (Sandman), Ivan (Shadow and Bone), and their associated relationships, for various reasons. I know all of their characters well and they give me joy, so it's easy to slip into their POV, create scenarios or headcanons, and put them in various settings and give them problems. So there's that.

In terms of my original stuff, I am much more experimental and interested in a broader range of styles and outcomes. When you're writing fic, you are usually heading toward a certain ending (a happy ending for the blorbos after various tribulations), and I therefore have a certain writing style for fic that reflects that. My original fiction is different and in some ways considerably darker, and pushes character boundaries, plotlines, and interactions beyond what you'll normally see in my fic. For example, I have two currently finished original novels that (and I KNOW I have said this before) I should just quit procrastinating on and publish, especially since I badly need the money. One of them, The Wives, is a dark feminist murder-version of #MeToo with an unreliable and extremely feral female narrator. The other, Wormwood, is an alternate-history science fiction saga that is a combination of The Man in the High Castle and Chernobyl. They're both considerably different from each other in tone, style, and character relationships, and they represent more experimentation, complicated morality, and plot conflict than is generally reflected in my fics, because long-form fandom writing is one kind of thing and original long-form writing is another. So hey.

I likewise am currently working on an original version of my fic The Key of Solomon, entitled The Empire of Bones, which is an epic ensemble political-magical fantasy set in a historically inspired world. @silverbirching has read Part 1 and very much enjoyed it, so I am hoping to finish that one sometime in the new year (probably not sooner, but we will see?) It is likewise quite different from The Wives and Wormwood, and will (I hope) readily appeal to fans of my fics, because it preserves some of the same themes, styles, and character dynamics, while also including a ton of original stuff, extensive world-building, and new plots, themes, and content.

Thanks for the question!

[mini-and-mighty]

🎁💕🦋📚🔮🎨 for the writer ask game

Bailey! You're always so sweet, seriously makes me smile every time I see one of your messages.

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

So this is actually from my 2023 NaNoWriMo project; our protag Hadley has accidentally summoned a demon and decides to introduce it to her best friend, Beth.

Hadley rubbed the back of her neck anxiously. “No, but it’s…” She wracked her brain for something to say but there was no way to explain it without sounding like a crazy person. “Just, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” 

“Alright then. You can show her.”

“Show me– achk!” The choked off shriek that came from Beth was about what Hadley expected, although she was grateful that the girl hadn’t screamed outright.

She turned back to her roommate and held up both hands in a placating gesture. “Okay, okay, so I can sort of explain but the most important thing is that it’s not going to hurt us.” 

“Probably not.” Avorsael said. 

“Oh how is that helpful?” she demanded, watching the panic and mixed emotions play out across Beth’s face. 

“Who said I was trying to be helpful?”  

💕 What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

Omg this one is basically impossible. I think my favorite would have to be 'Gentle Repose', since that one started out as a very short scene idea and turned out into a really sweet, fully formed fic. But it's hard to pick one favorite, even the cringey ones I posted at 12 y/o have a special place in my heart.

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

Really Bailey? I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count. 😂

Of course it's Ahsoka Tano.  I've always said that I basically grew up alongside the character, but looking back at my writing, I can see that the version of her in my fics "grew up" too. I'm able to convey a lot more nuance and depth of detail (I think) that was really challenging as a young writer. 

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

Gods, there are so many amazing writers out there and I am continually blown away by the talent and passion, people writing entire novels simply because they love it.

Limiting myself to just five, as hard as that is: @dells-bells , @anxiety-banana , @lynnpaper , @webtrinsic1122 and @jedimasterbailey

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

Write badly. Be self indulgent, be cliche, dig out your OCs from middle school that were really just thinly veiled self-inserts. Write absolute utter nonsense and then rewrite. Writing is just dragging the ideas out of your head kicking and screaming, rewriting is where the real magic happens to turn them into a story.

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Well if someone made fanart of any of the fics I've written for my D&D character, Maggie Marigold, I'd probably lose my mind and frame the damn thing.

I would love to see anything from 'The Forging' or specifically the scene of Ahsoka and Barriss sharing a cot in 'That joins the Sky and Earth' because I put as much sapphic energy into that as humanely possible.

.

Ask me anything or reblog the original game so I can ask you questions too!

[folkdances]

this is a little bit late but thaaank u for the tag jules (@lesbianboyfriend) ^_^

book that pleasantly surprised you: the book of dragons! it's an anthology by authors like ken liu, r. f. kuang, and amal el-mohtar. i didn't have very high expectations for it going in because i usually drop anthologies since the switch from stories i like to ones i hate badly is too jarring for me to bear, but i really loved almost every story in this volume! two of my favorites were 'habitat' by k. j. parker and 'yuli' by daniel abraham.

book that disappointed you: there are a lot 🙁 i am a chronic giver-upper when it comes to books i don't like. the most recent was silver under nightfall by rin chupeco which i thought had an awesome cover and was, in fact, tremendously dull; and the goldfinch by donna tartt which i've been 'reading' in some form or the other since literally 2018, that is how bland i find it. i'm still not done. let me out.

your current read: i started the priory of the orange tree and i'm a hundred or so pages in and enjoying it so far! there is one pov character who gets on my nerves to an insane degree but apart from this i'm having fun. i'm also reading on politics vol. 1 by alan ryan, which is exactly what it says on the tin: a history of politics from herodotus to the present day, though the first only covers up until machiavelli. i'm also reading the trial of henry kissinger by eric hitchins i'm not explaining this one, but it's very informative.

top 2 books on your tbr: THE SALT GROWS HEAVY by cassandra khaw!! i am soooo looking forwards to reading it it sounds so good! secondly, untethered sky by fonda lee because i'm in a fantasy kick right now :-)

an author you’re loving: the last author i binge-read was grady hendrix. his books are all super fun and fast-paced and have the feeling of old-school horror films! i especially enjoyed the final girl support group.

rec a book to the person who tagged you: umm jules i will say burr by brooke lockyer! it is a southern ontario gothic novel that follows the intertwining lives of a girl, her mother, and the town eccentric following the girl's father's death. it's a super meaty read and i like it a lot so far and i hope you will too, if you try it out!

i am tagging @andromerot @teethroundmyorgans @franzmasc and really anyone who wants to take a shot at this ok bye bye ❣

[soleminisanction]

Hey ive been reading through your blog for the past hour and have been loving alot of your analysis. I like how well written they are.

I also want to say that I love Stephanie Brown, shes one of my favorite DC characters but i respect the hell out of you for voicing your frustrations and hatred with her character and the writing around her. You just explain yourself so well. And I completely understand why you dislike her.

But I just wanted write a little hello and let you know ill be sticking around for more of your analysis. You go on a keep writing great stuff!

Thank you! That's very kind of you to say. I hope the experience will not be frustrating for you, as I know I can get a little heated when I'm annoyed about this stuff.

Honestly, the most frustrating thing of all is that I don't like hating Steph. I don't want to dislike her, it would be so much easier if I could at least get to the point where I found her tolerable. And it's not like I came into the comics expecting to dislike her either.

Personal tangent here, but I grew up in the kind of conservative southern town that not only didn't have a comic book shop, the only bookstore available was actually just one-third of the local Hasting's Entertainment, and even that selection was dedicated 25% to Bibles, Christian self-help, and those creepy Amish romance novels. (And let's not even get into the - ahem - "ghetto fiction" shelves.)

So my only access to comics was through the occasional trade paperback at the library and one of my teachers, who let us read his personal collection of Wizard magazines as part of supervising our comics & anime appreciation club. And I've got a vivid memory of reading an article about "the new Girl Wonder!" who was about to make her debut and getting really excited, because at that point I'd read and re-read the first YJ trade paperback a half-dozen times and couldn't decide if I wanted to be Wonder Girl and kiss Robin or vise-versa.

And y'know, I was AFAB and a white middle-class teenager and thought I was a girl, I loved purple and superheroes, most especially Robin, and I went through that phase of thinking that made me different and better than girls who cared about fashion and make-up and real boys. I was primed to be in the Steph audience, I feel like I was precisely what the creators were probably imagining when they thought of her target audience.

And that's honestly part of the reason the writing around her makes me so angry, especially her Batgirl run. It's insulting that Brian Miller and Dan Didio and whoever else was responsible for that book and everything that's come of her since all seem to think that all that audience wants from their comics is to project themselves onto a sexy mean girl who puts in the bare minimum effort, never thinks of anyone but herself, never takes responsibility for her mistakes, and gets rewarded for it all with nothing but adoration, praise, and the love of a nice guy who's never allowed to leave her no matter how badly she treats him.

I want Steph to have an actual story that challenges her and explores her actual character so badly I could scream, and if no one's interested in telling those stories, I wish they'd put her away until they found someone who was. But until I can get my own foot in the door in the industry, all I can really do is scream into the void. If other people get something out of that, all the better.

[meeka-chann]

Novel #11

To All The Boys I've Loved Before

By Jenny Han (⭐⭐⭐⭐)

Favorite lines from the novel:

• “Life doesn't have to be so planned. Just roll with it and let it happen.”

• “You'd rather make up a fantasy version of somebody in your head than be with a real person.”

• “Love is scary: it changes; it can go away. That's the part of the risk. I don't want to be scared anymore.”

• “Do you know what it’s like to like someone so much you can’t stand it and know that they’ll never feel the same way?”

• “You only like guys you don't have a chance with, because you're scared.”

• “I don’t have to be so afraid of good-bye, because good-bye doesn’t have to be forever.”

• “Do you think there's a difference? Between belonging with and belonging to?”

• “I delete the picture of him from my phone; I delete his number. I think that if I just delete him enough, it will be like none of it ever happened and my heart won't hurt so badly”

• "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”

• “If you were mine, I would never have broken up with you, not in a million years.”

• “Plenty of people are good-looking. That doesn't make them interesting or intriguing or cool.”

• “It feels strange to have spen much time wishing for something, for someone and then one day, suddenly,to just stop”

• “You've just gotta hold your head up and act like you don't give a shit”

• “When I write, I hold nothing back. I write like he'll never read it. Because he never will. Every secret thought, every careful observation, everything I've saved up inside me, I put it all in the letter. When I'm done, I seal it, I address it, and then I put it in my teal hatbox.”

• “I see the difference now, between loving someone from afar and loving someone up close. When you see them up close, you see the real them, but they also get to see the real you.”

• “Because sometimes you just feel sad and you can't explain it.”

• “Relationships are incredibly amorphous. They could get back together. They could stay friends. Who's to say what will happen in the future?”

• “It was over before I even had a chance.”

• “He looks at you a lot. When you're not paying attention. He looks at you, to see if you're having a good time.”

• “What must it be like, to have a boy like you so much he cries for you?”

• “It will get easier each time, I think. I hope. I just have to keep trying.”

The photos used are not mine. Credits go to the rightful owners.

[fearlessinger]

Hello, grieving Adrien stan here.

Do i need to read all the pjo and heroes novels to fully “get” trials of Apollo books? I was never that interested in greco-roman myth or those series as a kid when they were super popular. also I haven’t read a proper book in an embarrassingly long time. Nevertheless I’d like to give a chance if they’re as great as you say.

unrelated,a while back I had half a mind to watch smallville do you know if its worth it?

hey Anon, first of all, my condolences. I’ve been there too.

Second: no you absolutely do not have to read any of the previous novels to understand/appreciate TOA! I am a big proponent of the “TOA first” reading approach in fact (tho obviously you won't have to go back and read the rest of the saga afterwards either), and I’ve already written a little primer for fellow readers who may want to start directly from TOA like I did, based on my own reading experience and the knowledge gaps that I found myself having. I will add, given what’s your reason for wanting to check this out, a few caveats:

this story is not a romance. It's about abuse, emancipation and self actualization. It’s also simultaneously a redemption story because

this Adrien is older (like 4000+ years older lol) and both his personal history and the amount of character development he underwent before the story even starts reflect this. He’s had time to grow up, fuck up very badly in ways that his upbringing explains but does not excuse, and this story is also the story of him coming to terms with and figuring out what he can do about that.

He’s also an incredibly unreliable narrator, and not in the ways you’re led to expect (if you’re familiar with the Adrien The Liar meta know that it’s as much - at this point probably more lbr - about Apollo than it is about Adrien, except for Apollo you gotta multiply it for like 10000). Which means you may have a hard time recognizing him for a while (I think when it really clicked for me was between book 3 and 4). Or maybe not, bc apparently some people clocked the similarities since the very beginning

it’s all so cringe. You’re a fellow ML (ex) fan so I'm sure you can appreciate some quality cringe but I feel compelled to give a warning anyway. I love it, and I don’t think a story like this about a character like this could have been told any other way because (among other reasons that I won’t say bc I’m already spoiling enough) nobody who cares as much and earnestly as Apollo does could ever be Cool ™. But yeah. The narrative style either works for you or it doesn’t bc it’s 100% not a bug but a feature.

Last but not least, if you think it might be easier for you to digest a whole book series in audio format, I’ve been told by multiple people that the TOA audiobooks are really well done.

-

As for Smallville… well, the show as a whole is definitely… an acquired taste 😅 It’s so dumb in so many ways, and not self aware enough to make up for it. I have an incredible fondness for SV, and for its version of Clark & Lois especially; I’d dare say it is still my favorite modern interpretation of their dynamic on screen to date, but it took the show a while to get to the point where their relationship took center stage (S8-9-10, basically. This is after all technically a superman origin story) and it was a very bumpy ride. The show has some truly terrible writing mixed in with the brilliance lol. But yeah go for it if you feel in the mood! Fyi Lois Lane only gets introduced in season 4 which is also one of the show’s best, most enjoyable & silly seasons imho so if you’re on the fence you could try beginning from there (I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to figure out what’s going from context clues).

[alectoperdita]

2 7 8 and 37?

From Fic Writer Asks

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

I feel like that's supernatural/high fantasy AU stories at this point. I've dabbled here and there with shorter pieces that are in that kind of space. It's a lot of investment in terms of time and words because my ideas are novel-length in scope.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

From my WIP pile that may never see the light of day

A tick of silence, followed by another and another. Kaiba's irritation ballooned as Jounouchi failed to acknowledge him. He was on the verge of tearing into him when he finally noticed the thin white cord snaking out of the collar of Jounouchi's well-worn hoodie. He traced it to Jounouchi's ear, where it connected to an earbud half-hidden under his unruly hair. Kaiba's hand shot out of its own accord, fingers closing around the cord and yanking.

Jounouchi jerked, startled but alert, and whipped his head to gawk at Kaiba with wide, brown eyes. His lips parted in a show of surprise, still carrying faint white impressions of the gnawed pen cap he drew away from his mouth.

Which is later called to back through this:

A vision of Eliot's verses swam before his eyes. It was quickly overtaken by Jounouchi's sloppy handwriting—his earphone cord slithering out from under his collar like vines—molar indentations molded into a plastic cap—the way his ink-stained thumb tucked against his index finger when he made a fist.

I guess I like how the bratty interaction is subsequently reframed in an almost wistful tone. It shows how much attention Kaiba already pays to Jounouchi within that one interaction to have memorized those details. And mostly it just feels like it feels the mood of the story, which is focused around courtship mediated through poetry.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

I tried really hard to think/find something here but came up blank. I'm not a big dialogue writer, and what I put out is serviceable enough for its purpose. With setting up characters to say dumb puns, I'm more amused than proud of doing that. ^^;;;

37. Talk about your current wips.

God, I crave more camboy and starting sugar baby AU in earnest so badly. But my brain unfortunately operates like a computer on first in, first out principles, so it's telling me I need to finish this Lure fic before I can commit to a different long project. So we be buffering here, friends, waiting for What you can't bury to dequeue from the stack.

[damaramegido]

Tagged by @loreofcardigan! Eight pieces of media to get to know me. I'm taking your lead, Nym, and just doing media in general, but if anyone I tag wants to be more specific you're free to! :)

Tagging @sanctferum, @ericvilas, @sondheimsexual, @thunderplunk, @mikephisto, @mintyyyjades, @officialqueer, and @artonelico, but anyone who wants to do this is free to!

Futurama

The Simpsons may have been my introduction to Matt Groening's work, and it's still a favorite, but Futurama is the one I really connected with at a young age. (I was ten and hid it from my parents at first because I thought they'd be upset I was staying up late to watch reruns on Adult Swim, but it turns out they didn't care so long as I was getting enough sleep.) Fry and Leela's romance arc single-handedly made me a filthy shipper and Leela herself gave me A Type. I dream of one day writing for a show this good, but I'm also aware I could never be a Futurama writer because I don't have an advanced STEM degree.

2. They Might Be Giants' studio discography

It's impossible to narrow my love for TMBG down to a single album. Should I go with The Spine, because it was my gateway? Or John Henry, because it was my favorite for so long, or Glean, because it's my favorite now? Regardless, this band has done so much to shape the person I am, and all of their albums are good, so there's really no bad place to start! Anyone who's spoken to me for more than five minutes has had to hear me talk about TMBG and I'm not sorry.

3. Steven Universe

If Futurama was the show that cemented my love for cartoons, Steven Universe is the one that continues to reinforce it every day. The emotional attachment I have to these characters is unreal--there's just so much depth and realness to them. I wrote what technically counts as a novel because of this show and I'm working on another. Also Amethyst is basically just me.

4. Homestuck

Look, I'm Tumblr user damaramegido for a reason. I think this one speaks for itself.

5. Homestar Runner

I cannot emphasize enough the impact H*R had on my sense of humor. It's one of the rare early aughts Internet Things that actually holds up, and if anything I find it even funnier now! Just a goofy good time that will explain many of my odder speech patterns.

6. Dinosaur Comics

Another one that's impacted my sense of humor greatly. Genuinely it blows my mind how Ryan North keeps the comic fresh and funny after decades of using the same template for each installment. I still call Cheetos hobosnacks.

7. The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

Specifically the book. I have a core memory of being ten or so and sitting in a tree at the park just DEVOURING this book. Another deeply formative one, which I badly need to reread!

8. Courage The Cowardly Dog

A lot of things could go in this last spot, but I picked Courage because it was my gateway into horror. I really feel like every subsequent work of formative horror media only came into my life because Courage primed me for it. I haven't rewatched it in a hot minute, but I suspect it'll freak me out more when I do than it did when I was a kid.

[sammaysam]

When your therapist compares you to a character

December 2, 2022 

I think about many things most days, but to me alcohol and being the next brilliant writer, that even Bukowski would bow down to me is front and center in my brain. Truthfully I believe he was my lover in another life. I fuel myself with self loathing, vodka, and what used to be a slew of one night stands. They always laugh when I tell them there’s cab money on the table, but as I sober up I begin to realize that I slept with them because not only out of pity, but to quote Hank Moody from Californication “A morning of awkwardness is better than a night of loneliness.”

Hank Moody is someone that not only someone that I found myself relating to in such a deep level watching the show, I watched the show, and some moments I found almost mirror to life, but According to my least favorite therapist who is an asshole with his brilliant moments of understanding me, made me see that I have spent 35 years drinking until I am so blacked out at time that I can take home that beautiful girl home from the bar from her boyfriend, but I spend my life in love with Karen. (Watch the show).

The moment I got to hear it, it was truthfully it was so poetic because Hank Moody is by far is one of the best Mea Culpa characters ever written. He’s so twisted and dark, for fucks sake he smashes a 16 year old on the first episode who punches him in the face, and she turns out to be his ex wife’s new husbands daughter. He had absolutely no idea at first, where as I went after my best friends husband’s son in a sense of revenge and his dad has lost his fucking mind. Mission completed. In the words of Mortal Kombat, I “FINISHED HIM!” I sip on my vodka, and I wear those Aviators he would wear in the the smile I want, while I smoke a cigar while laughing in people’s faces because they’re simple peasants to me mostly. Because the most amazing thing about Hank Moody is that he will always take a punch to the face, but he also takes your woman to any bed. The charm we carry, the interest we show in your spoken words? Mean nothing to us. We are absolutely after that glorious pleasure seeking moment, and then want you to go. I got my dick wet sweetie, now let me meet your best friend.

I compiled a list of His quotes, and will explain how I feel they tie to me and how I believe this man would truly be a twin flame in my life.

Get it in while you can. It’ll all be gone soon enough.”

Live in the moment. Life is so short to worry about what others things, and to not give into your whims and pleasures. When you lose everything, nothing matters anymore.

“All those things that werent supposed to happen? They happened. What happens next is up to you.”

You can let Jesus take the wheel, or you can steer into oncoming traffic. Quit blaming others for your mistakes. You are writing your own novel of life stories, and do you really want that novel to end up in a 99 cent bin? I’m a NY Time Best Seller baby.

“I’ve lost a lot of battles, but I’ve never lost sight of the war. My goal is to fight my way to a day when we’re old and gray and she looks at me and says ‘I’m glad you never gave up.’ Until then, I fight. No retreat, baby. No surrender.”

I was raised a soldier baby, and I’m ready to go to battle for any war I see coming, even if I’m alone, I’ll use my anger as my armor. Because when I find that person, they’ll know I never gave up to get them.

“How can you be so fucking beautiful and so fucking wrong?”

I usually just tell straight girls they have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, and next thing you know I’ve had several in bathroom bar stalls. What can I say, Straight girls are as much of a vice as my Vodka. Women are beautiful creatures, but when you make them feel wanted, they are yours for the taking. But don’t treat them badly because the next one to come along could be the one.

“I don’t just say shit. I mean, I do talk a lot of shit, but I generally mean what I say and I say what I mean.” I mean…. Have a 5 minute conversation with me.

“You’re right. You should probably do your best not to fall in love with me.” Ask anyone. Because baby I’m poision on your soul with the dark heart I have.

Maybe, you never know. I’ve always been quite the self-saboteur.”     

I’d rather be let down then try, because disappointment is comfortable.

“Really? Is this wrong? Because I can’t tell anymore.”

I have no idea where my line is anymore, and I’m going to keep trying to find it, and create chaos in my own way

“I can’t teach you how to write, and anybody who says they can is full of shit.” ― Hank Moody

What I love about writing, and when people ask me about it? The Most perfect reply:

“You know why love stories have happy endings?” “Because they end too early,” she continues. “They always end right at the kiss. You never have to see all the bullshit that comes later. You know, Life.”

Life took my soulmate, and my dog. Suppose that’s my happy ending. Dying alone, but at least I have vodka. That’s the one lover who never left me, and I’ll gladly let her take me too.

“She said one thing and I said another and the next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation.”

Every moment with those men who make my eyes twinkle make me believe these words. Unfortunately, I say those words for moments I know will be fleeting. For him, but mostly for me because once I getit I don’t want it anymore.

“When it comes to emotions, women know how to paint with the full set of oils, while men are busy doodling with crayons.”

They give me nothing, while out of boredom while pleading to be interesting with the 3 basic primary colors.

“The person that I want to have everything to do with, wants nothing to do with me.”

I keep myself far away because that raw vulnerability is disgusting. It reminds me the remains you find in a sink you can’t drain down, mixed with disgusting dishwater, that in your hands makes me want to vomit from simply touching it.

“Don’t tell me what to feel. All my fucking life, people have been telling me I do things wrong. I’m always the fucking asshole. I look around and I see everybody else is infinitely more fucked up than I am.

I am more fucked up than anyone else but my GOD I scream at people at how much, how much I love. I want them to know once I care….other than than that I am dirtier than Hank. Because I value people’s lives as much as I can stick my dick in them to keep them from talking.

“Once upon a time, I wrote a book. People seemed to dig it, so I wrote another and one after that. That’s when Hollywood came knocking at my back door. As soon as I cashed that check, I wrapped my lips around the mighty erection that is the film industry and sucked hard, just like a good whore should. Unfortunately, I had to be taught not to orphan the balls.

Luckily I never had to suck on the shaft, because I did it all myself, but being a writer is a descent into madness. The rejections, the thousands of rough drafts tossed aside with the dream that it will be better the next time, and the empty bottles spread around my room because I’m searching for the meaning of wanting this to be my purpose of what I was supposed to do. My entire life has lead me to these moments, but am I really that Good? Hemmingway once said “writing is easy. All you have to do is sit at a typewriter, and bleed.”

My favorite Part though is the letter he writes to Karen. It is one of the most poetic things written by a man with demons in his soul, and his primary concern after his family is himself. He loved someone this much, and I believe that maybe I will be stable sure, but to love someone like this again. Paul was a different love, but this is a love where he would take her place just so she wouldn’t shed one more tear.

Dear Karen, I’ve been thinking about Us, the story of us. How the fuck do I sum it up? Has it been perfect? Hardly. Any story with me at the center of it will never be anything less than a big smiling mess. But here’s what I know for sure—our time in the sun has been a thing of absolute fucking beauty. The nightmares, the hangovers, the fucking and the punching. The gorgeous shimmering insanity of the city of ours. Where for years I woke up, fucked up, said I was sorry, passed out and did it all over again. As a writer, I’m a sucker for happy endings. The guy gets the girl, she saves him from himself, fade to fucking black. As a guy who loves a girl, I realize there’s no such thing. There’s no sunset. There’s just now, and there’s just the two of us, which can be scary fucking ugly sometimes. But if you close your eyes and listen for the whisper of your heart—if you simply keep trying and never ever give up, no matter how many times you get it wrong, until the beginning and the end blur into something called until we meet again — and that’s it.

I didn’t know how to finish it, because it’s not over. It’ll never be over, as longs as there’s you, and there’s me, and there’s hope, and grace.”

Hank Moody is the writer I never knew I would end up being as an adult. As a kid I wanted to be Christopher Pike. Now I’m a whoremongering, binge drinking, half psychotic, and seek pleasure from pain. I respect Hank Moody more than I respect most people in my life because he’s everything I am and nothing will change my desire to go deeper down that rabbit hole he helped me see in myself. Until I find my Karen, I’m going to drive off into the sunset in the bomb ass car he drives, looking for my next conquest.

Share this:

[bellascarousel]

New Year's Resolution time, kiss another year goodbye!

Ahem... Now that I've gotten that out of my system... I spent a good chunk of the past two weeks playing with a planner I bought for this year. It has a goals section, that is really cool. You pick up to six areas of focus, and set goals for each area, and mark if they're projects or habits you want to get into. Then, each month, for each area of focus, you narrow your focus down more. I'm explaining it badly, but bear with me.

My areas of focus this year are: writing, fandom, fitness and weight loss, cleaning and organizing, self development, and fun and hobbies. Yes, I know that it looks like there's some overlap. "Fandom" could theoretically be divided between "writing" and "fun and hobbies". But, splitting it up this way just makes sense to me. Don't try to understand how my brain works. That way madness lies.

So, my goals, both long-term for the year, and what I've chosen to focus on in January:

Writing:

This year's goals are: finish at least the first draft of Married At First Sight, my Historical Romance novel. And get The Vampires Of Sangue Collina book 1 ready for an editor and/or beta readers. To that end, I have also set a goal for a habit of working on both of them every week.

For January, my goals are to write 2-3k a week on MAFS, and at least read through the rest of the lessons in my revision course and make a plan for this round of revisions on VSC1.

Fandom:

This year's goals are: do more reading, especially of my favorite stories/writers. Try to post at least one chapter a week. Get a few of my multi-chapter fics finished. And work more on my videos.

For January, I want to try to finish Let's Run Away Together. Catch up on Plausible Deniability, Seeing Clearly With More Than Your Eyes, and my friend Andi's Haylijah fics. And finish separating season 2 of Bridgerton into scenes to make finding clips for fan videos easier.

Fitness and weight loss:

This year's goals are: lose 20-50 pounds and keep it off. Bring a lunch to work mos days. Exercise at least 3 times a week. Less fast food. And less soda, more water.

For January, I'm just focusing on bringing a lunch to work most days and I want to start using my Pilates videos.

Cleaning and organizing:

This years goals are: get and keep my computer table and under my computer table cleaned. Get my bed cleared off (I've been sleeping on a futon in my room because I need a new mattress on my bed, and my bed has become a catch-all). Organize my bookcases. Organize my shelving units. Watch and follow the videos on this organizing challenge thing I signed up for months ago and did nothing with. And organize my computer and phone.

January I just want to get and keep my computer table and under my computer cleared off, and bookmark and close out the 5 bazillion open browser tabs on my phone. Cleaning and organizing is definitely a baby steps focus area for me. If I try to do too much at once, I'll never maintain it.

Self development:

This years goals are: Read a chapter of a writing book every day. Find an Italian course I like and actually follow it (though, seriously considering trying to learn ASL first, and looking into Italian next year. Still trying to decide). Pull out my keyboard and actually do the piano course I signed up for... years ago. Find YouTube videos and teach myself to crochet. And do a page of handwriting exercises every day.

January's goals are: finish reading Finding Your Voice. And find courses for Italian and/or ASL. (Might also add the handwriting sheets, since they're like 5 minutes a day...)

Fun and hobbies:

This year's goals are: read 25-50 pages of fiction (not counting fanfiction) a day. Play more on my DS and less on silly games on my phone and tablet. Finish the game and puzzle my niblings bought me for Christmas last year. And play more on this website I like with these really fun text adventure games.

January's goals are to get in my 25-50 pages of fiction reading, and finish the game and puzzle.

I also want to do a better job of actually making daily to-do lists and using them to actually get shit done. Set a habit of having a load of laundry washed, dried, and put away all on the same day. Make a habit of "resetting my room to clean" every night (making sure that any area that has been cleaned previously stays clean). Keep better track of my finances and work on saving money.

But! My biggest resolution is to just be kinder to myself. To accept that none of this is set in stone. I have untreated ADHD. Exectutive dysfunction is a thing. Inertia is a thing. And habits are hard to get going. But, to not let one set back completely derail me. I have this habit of, if I miss a day of exercise, I decree that week ruined. And then I have to wait for the start of a new week/month and start over. I'm honestly the same way with most habits I try to create. I need to stop doing that. I need to just pick myself up and keep going from where I left off.

I'll be posting nightly updates to hold myself accountable. Here's to making 2023 my best year, yet! (Honestly, this is not hard to do. I am a bit of a mess.)

[mallgothed]

I’ve seen a lot of posts by other asexual people about how they grew up thinking there was something horribly wrong with them, that they had some weird condition that no one else had ever experienced, and then one day they found out about asexuality and breathed a huge sigh of relief. And that’s definitely a story worth telling, but I want to make a post about the opposite experience–that is, assuming you’re “normal” and then having your world knocked off its orbit by the revelation that you’re lowkey probably on the ace spectrum. 

See, I love the idea of romance. It was always my favorite part of every book and movie when I was a kid. I daydreamed constantly, and I liked looking at boys, but the desire ended there. When I got older, I thought I wanted sex, because it seemed like the natural extension of the things I liked to daydream about, but I spent very little time actually having sexual thoughts or desires. I “wanted” sex in a vague, distant, hyper-idealized kind of way, and I always just sort of assumed that everyone else felt the same way I did. And for a long time, that idea went unchallenged. When I was in high school, sex was still sort of a taboo, whisper-and-giggle subject for most of my peers, and since no one ever told me exactly what sexual desire was supposed to feel like, I assumed we were feeling the same thing.

But then, when I got to college, all the social barriers against sex were gone. I was surrounded by horny 18-year-olds who had been dropped in the middle of a huge campus where no one cared what they did, where they could do whatever they wanted, and they wanted to fuck. For the first time, I was surrounded by people who were being very straightforward about their sexual desires. I learned that for them, sexual desire was a direct, immediate, physical thing, rather than a vague idea that they thought about sometimes but never felt the need to act on. That was when I first began to suspect that I wasn’t feeling the same things everyone else was feeling. And then, as I started to interrogate that idea further, I realized that I’d never really wanted sex that badly at all–I just thought that sex was necessary to obtain the things I did want (namely, closeness, validation, and acceptance from men).

Realizing that I was on the ace spectrum was not a happy revelation. As dramatic as it sounds, I kind of felt like my life was a lie. I spent my whole life thinking I was “normal,” only to found out I was actually part of a group that comprises about 1% of the global population. My feelings, which I had assumed were universal, were actually borderline incomprehensible to a decent chunk of people--to the point where I have to write a novel-length tumblr post to adequately explain my point of view. It felt like having a rug pulled out from under me. 

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this. Finding out that I’m a-spec was a fairly recent development, and I’m still kind of deciding how I feel about it. But if anyone else reads this and relates to it, I hope it made you feel a little better.

Much love, and happy (belated) ace day. 

💜