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mysticthot · 6 years ago

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RFA x Jumins Sister!MC

idk why i have such a thirst for jumin as a big brother but here we are

also this is hella long my b

Yoosung Kim

knows who you are thru magazines and what not, but he’s never met you in person

that is until the first rfa party that Rika holds

he sees you from across the room, standing next to Jumin looking like a model and he’s shook

wow shes even prettier in person, i didnt know she was gonna be here tonight i should go talk to her, wait no she’ll think i’m a loser- OH GOD SHES LOOKING SHE PROBABLY THINKS IM A CREEP DOES MY HAIR LOOK GOOD oh shes smiling at me

thoughts running wild he doesn't know what to do so he straight up turns around and walks away

it isn't until later in the night that he actually gets to talk to you

“Hi, I’m MC. Your Yoosung right? Part of the RFA?”

he’s shook when u said hi first

you have a good conversations and he’s surprised at how easy you are to talk to and how different you are from your brother

at the end of the night you catch him before he leaves and give him your number

definitely spends the rest of the night trying to think of something cool to txt you

definitely asks Zen for help

manages to start talking to you, and suddenly your messaging each other constantly

its Yoosung were talking about, his crush on you is immediately all he can think about

but he goes out of his way to not say anything in the chatrooms cause Jumin hasn't mentioned anything so he’s not sure if Jumin knows

lowkey terrified of Jumin finding out and sending a hitman after him

he’s too shy to ask you on a date

literally everything about you screams out of his league

so imagine his surprise when you ask him to a movie

boi straight up falls out of his chair in the middle of class

ya’ll go see a movie and his soul nearly leaves his body when you lean in and give his a short peck on his lips afterwards

“I really like you Yoosung, I’ve never had a guy treat me so well.”

“I-I like you too MC.”

his soul does leave his body when Jumin enters the chatroom the next day saying nothing but his full name in all caps

poor boi is immediately apologizing and ranting about how much he likes you and how he promises to be good to you

After everything Jumin simply responds with, “I’ll hold you to that.”

Now with Jumins approval, he officially asks you to be his girlfriend which you happily say yes to

This boi loves you so much, and he is in awe everyday that you chose him

Likes to show you off, especially to his friends

Loves when you pick him up from school lookin all cute and pulling him into a tight hug

gets very jealous and protective knowing all these rich dudes are competing for your attention, but he as Jumins support and your love, so he’s happy

Zen

Vaguely aware that you exist

Has heard Jumin or Jaehee mention you a few times, but he doesn't think much of it, and he actively goes out of his way to not watch or read anything with the name ‘Han’ in it

He’s in the lobby of the C&R building waiting for Jaehee so they could go get coffee, when he sees a cute girl struggling by the closed elevator doors with arms full of papers and folders

ever the gentleman, he goes over and offers to hold some of it for you

“Excuse me miss, would you like some help with that?”

You look up at him and his breath is all but knocked out of him when he gets a full glance at your beauty

“Oh, wow thank you.”

You smile breathlessly up at him, both of you seem to be in the same trance

He snaps out of it to grab the papers from your arms, and introduces himself

Your both looking at each other with that same wide eyed look when the elevator doors open

There stands Jaehee in the middle of the love fest.

“Uh...Zen, I see you’ve met MC. Jumins sister.”

SHHOOOK

He’s so dramatic like he full on backs up hand over the heart gasping

You almost laugh at the look on his face

“Oh, so your that Zen? I’ve heard all about you.

Jaehee takes your papers from Zen and gets into the elevator with you mumbling about how she’ll be right back.

Zen almost dies when you wink and blow him a kiss as the doors close

Jaehee is interrogated by Zen through out their whole lunch

You were so cute and nice looking?? How were you related to the trust fund kid???

Gasps when he realizes that makes you a trust fund kid as well

Yet, he cant stop thinking about you and the moment you shared in the lobby

He’s such a romantic, he becomes convinced this is a Romeo and Juliet love at first sight thing

Hung around in the lobby for a bit one day hoping to meet you again, but he starting looking suspicious so he had to leave

Ends up pestering Jaehee for hours until she gives in and gives him your phone number

Very quick to send you a selfie asking if you remember him

You reply even faster

“Of course I remember you, how could I forget such a beautiful face? Oh and also Jaehee has kept me updated on how much u ask about me ;)”

He’s never been out charmed by someone before, but you have him so flustered

Quick to ask you on a date

Basically does turn into Romeo and Juliet ft. Jeahee as the Nurse (omg just realized how thats a pretty good fic idea i might right that lol)

She helps cover your tracks while your sneaking around with Zen

But Jumin is getting ever more suspicious and after many useless reports from him sending Jaehee to follow you, he sends one of his guards instead

This is all very inconvenient for him, he doesn’t like the thought of you not being able to tell him something, you’ve told each other everything always

not to mention zen has been getting on his nerves lately being strange and sappy in the chat rooms

He could never imagine the shock that filled his entire being when his guard told him he had seen you going into Zens house

Boi’s over there in an instant banging on the door

A shirtless zen opens the door, his hair messed up and a hickey growing redder by the second on his neck

Jumins pushing him up against a wall before he can even react

The slam startles you out of the bed in nothing but a sheet, only to freeze when you see the scene before you

guess you’ll die ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It takes a long time to get them off each others necks

“Guys, why dont we all calm down and talk about this rationally?’

“MC, the only thing keeping me from knocking this trust fund kid out is the fact that he is your brother.”

“Zen not helping!”

Jumin all but drags you back to the car and you’re lectured the whole ride home

Then lectured some more in the pent house

Then some more before you announced you were going to bed

He was angrily pouring himself some wine when he heard your phone go off

It was Zen

He justifies his actions by saying you had betrayed his trust, and opens the message

“I’m sorry MC, I hope you’re ok. I know he wont approve, but I hope you can find away to stay with me. I will never find someone like you and even if he doesn’t understand or believe it, I love you. Call me when you can.”

Now he feels kinda bad

Then he remembers Zen’s hickey and he’s mad again

It takes him a while but he eventually allows for you and Zen to see each other freely

Feels betrayed by Jaehee

Jaehee (Speaking of betrayal lol)

She knows of you, but has never met you, as you are studying abroad

When Jumin first mentions the fact that he is going to pick you up from the airport, shes initially worried that she will have to deal with a second Jumin

And in her experience, the high class women aren’t the easiest to get along with

So imagine her surprise the next day when she is going to the penthouse to introduce herself and finds...what looks like a completely normal girl lounging in her pajamas

You smile kindly at her as Jumin, dressed in his normal suit, comes to stand beside you and she cant believe the differences

Shes pretty sure you’re showing more emotion on you face in this exact moment than Jumin has in his entire life rip lol

She introduces herself, and it shocked when you immediately pull her into a hug

“Its so nice to meet you, I’m MC.”

The way you say your name and the way your holding her hands in yours while you smile at her she just-

gay panic

Your spending the summer with Jumin, so she sees you around a lot and every time you are just as sweet to her

As time passes she begins to feel strange when she sees you

Heart racing, cheeks blushing, you know the drill

But its been so long since Jaehee has had a crush on someone, and she wasn't even sure if this was a crush

poor babe is confused af

Cause your so nice to her

And you make Jumin be nice to her

And you get her off work to hang out

But she doesn’t know if your being friendly...

One day she is going over last minute talking points with Jumin as he prepares for a gala event when you come walking out

Your dress makes you look like an angel, your hair is flowing and framing your beautiful face and- oh, there was that smile again

She nearly chocked when she saw you

gay panic intensifies

you make her feel the way zens videos do

Suddenly she’s not so confused anymore

She walked you and Jumin down to the car waiting outside and you turn to her before following your brother in

“You’re not coming with us are you?” you asked with a slight frown.

“No, it would be inappropriate for an assistant to attend such an event.” she sighed, smoothing out her work skirt, suddenly realizing how different you two really were.

You paused, looking like you might say something, but stopped yourself, telling her to have a good night before getting into the car

She watched you drive away, and wasn’t expecting to hear from you any more that night

Then her phones ringing and its you and she’s answering in a flash

You voice is shaky, asking her if she could pick you up if it wouldn't be too much trouble cause you didn't want to inconvenience her

She was in the car before you had finished the call

When she pulled around the back of the event, where you had asked to meet, she saw you standing in the dark, a look so sad it made her heart hurt

You climbed into the passenger seat, but the ride back to the penthouse was silent

It wasn't until she pulled up to the curb that you invited her upstairs

As soon as you passed the door way to the house, it was like your fake composure, one that she knew you had been raised to perfect, melted away

You sighed before dropping face first onto a couch cushion and screaming into it

Jaehee didn't know exactly what to do, so she gave your back a somewhat comforting pat until you sat up ready to tell her what was wrong

Turns out you had met a man at the gala

(her heart dropped when you said that)

But the man was an absolute dick

(So your sayin she has a chance?)

The man had been grabbing you and touching you all night, asking for dances and pressuring you to drink

The final straw was while he had dragged you into a dance, his hand lowed down before he full on groped your ass in front of everyone

You had slapped him

The gotten promptly lectured from your father

“He was acting like I was in the wrong for standing up for myself. Saying I was making a fool of the family reacting in such a way! Why aren’t the men held in such a standard that so I don’t have to act like that in the first place?!”

“I’m so sorry MC, that is truly disgusting that you had to go through that.” She pulled you into a hug, and side by side you sat on the couch, enjoying each others comfort

“Next time...I think I’d like to take you as my date...” You mumbled into her shoulder.

She froze

Didn’t know was to say

Were you friends? Were you something more???

Her questions were answered as you pulled back from the hug and placed a timid kiss on her lips

It was short, almost testing the waters for both of you

But when your eyes met, the kiss that followed was anything but timid or short

Jumin was not pleased with that he saw when he got home

His assistant and sister making out in his living room

what was his life coming to??

Not nearly as mad as you thought he would be however

He had heard what your father had said to you and rushed home to make sure you were ok

Claims he knew this whole time you weren't into guys, or at least not straight, but you think hes just trying to redeem himself from the fact that his assistant seduced his sister right under his nose

Jaehee and you go as a couple to the next gala and rock that shit

707/ Saeyoung

Obvi, this boi knows everything

As soon as he was introduced to Jumin, he did a background check, and thats how he was led to you

From then on, he is not subtle or quiet with his ‘celebrity’ crush

Basically acts towards you the way he does towards Elizabeth the 3rd

Uses you as a way to tease Jumin and get him all riled up

“omg Jumin, I saw MC’s photo in a magazine today and I swear I fell in love all over again.

“If you come near her, I will get a restraining order.”

Jumin is in no way amused

The rest of the RFA is tho

Like Yoosung, you meet Seven at the first party.

He is quick to spot you, and Jumin is even quicker to separate you from him

You, however, have no idea why your brother is being even more over protective than usual, and take the first opportunity to sneak off to the bar

Seven sees you alone for the first time and quickly turns to Yoosung, asking him how he looks before running off to you

You’re shook when in the middle of taking a drink a random redhead all bed falls into the chair next to you

“HIMYNAMESSEVENITSAPLEASURETOMEETYOU!”

“...What?”

He takes a comically large breath, lets it out, then holds his hand out for you to shake

You laugh when he bows and kissed your knuckles before introducing himself slower this time

“Sorry, I just felt like I needed to rush, your brothers gonna kill me when he sees me talking to you.”

You laugh and roll your eyes and he thinks you have the best sounding laugh he has ever heard

Good thing his only talent is getting people to laugh at him

You proceed to spend the next five minutes laughing so hard your stomach hurts and your eyes water before a large group of not only your brother, but several body guards come to interrupt

“Oh no, my sweet MC, it seems our time has been cut short, I’ll never forget the moments we spent together, no matter how brief!” he calls to you while being escorted to the other side of the room by two large men

Jumin lectures you on the dangers of talking to strange men and you remind him that the whole point of this party was to talk to people you don’t know

He forbids you from talking to Seven

“MC, he’s a sadist!”

“That just makes me want him more...”

Later that night you get a strange text, or dare I say, a mysterious message, saying your phone was being hacked

Your shook and don’t know what to do watching as the so called hacker typed before the second message popped up

Is your name wifi? Cause I really felt a connection~

Ok now your more shook

Then a third message pops up and its the cute guy from the party, and you laugh before responding

You spend the rest of the night picking up where you left off at the party

And Seven it once again, not quiet about his crush

Jumin wakes up the next morning to chatroom after chatroom all about you

Half of them are him talking mindlessly about your wedding, the other half is the rest of the members telling him to shut up

Jumin is t r i g g e r e d

His first instinct is to take your phone, since you obviously cant make good choices for yourself

But then he remembers you are an adult, and he cant take away your phone

So he goes to plan B which is threaten Seven with a restraining order, once again

Halfway through typing out a long, angry message, you skip out into the kitchen, and suddenly his anger it focused on you

“MC WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TALKING TO SEVEN HES NOT GOOD FOR YOU YOU NEED TO BLOCK HIM AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER HES CRAZY WHAT ARE YOU THINKING”

“He’s so cute and sweet tho.” you pout

“Awe, thanks MC.”

Both of you look up to find Seven standing in the doorway with a bouquet of flowers

Seven is forcefully removed from the building

Jumin gives you the whole, “he’s a hacker he’s dangerous” speech, but you are stubborn

You tell him you are an adult who can make her own choices

He does the things parents do where they think they can guilt you into making the right choice

Thinks he’s won when he doesn't hear anything about you from Seven for a while

Imagine his shock when he logs into the chatroom to see a picture from the cctv of you and Seven kissing, clearly in the middle of a date along with a picture of a plastic cat ring on your ring finger

“She said yes!”

“I am going to physically hurt you.”

On the more serious side, Seven would be a little harder because of his job, so everything you guys did would have to be in secret

He would get in his moods where he thought you deserved a boyfriend who could treat you better and be seen in public with you

Don’t even get him started on how dangerous he was

But you could use your connections to help him get his life on track, and eventually get him a job at C&R

Jumin isn't happy with it, but when he accepts that Seven actually cares for you and this isn’t just some joke, he will come to terms with it

V/ JIhyun

V has known you since you were born, as him and Jumin were already friends then

Infact, he has a picture somewhere of him as a child holding you the day you got home from the hospital

Growing up with V and Jumin, was almost like having two brother

Both very protective over you

Being kids, you went through the normal phases

“Boys have cooties dont touch me!”

‘C-cooties...but MC...”

There were times when you would tease each other simply because that’s what kids do when they have crushes

His little cheeks would get all red when you and him would play games together

He liked to be the knight that saved you from the evil dragon (Jumin) and one time you very lightly pecked a kiss onto his cheek before running off and his face was red for the rest of the day

In fact you were each others first kiss

It was during a sleep over he was having with Jumin

Jumin had fallen asleep during a movie leaving you and V alone, sitting together in a blanket fort

You were playing truth or dare, but they were mostly truths to keep the game quiet and not wake anyone

“Truth or dare MC.”

“Truth.”

“...Have you ever kissed anyone?”

Your whole face went red, as did his, he had barely even worked up the courage to ask the question

“...No.” You whispered, “Have you?

“No.”

The game stopped for a moment, V was looking at while you did you best to look anywhere but at him

“Truth or dare MC?”

“...Truth.”

“Can I kiss you?”

The kiss was short and stiff and a little awkward, but it was something you both would remember for ever

And a secret you would keep from Jumin until way into your adult years

Jumin was annoyed by the whole thing

He loved his sister and all, but he didn't exactly like his best friend and sister always flirting

As you got older, the childhood crushes died down into fond memories and the occasional flirt or butterfly in the stomach

You dated a few people, he dated a few people

But there was always those times when it was just you and him alone where it seemed like something was so close to happening

But he graduated with Jumin before you did, and left to start his own life

That when he met Rika

You were happy for him truly, you were dating someone at the time as well and you wanted to see you friend be happy, he deserved it

But tragedy struck, and he was never really the same after that

You remembered her funeral, and the way he cried into your shoulder that night

You had to go through the pain of watching your dear friend loose himself, along with his eyesight

Supporting him in his time of need became your number one priority, but somewhere along the way, old feelings began to resurface

You pushed them down, deep down so you wouldn't make a fool of yourself or ruin your friendship

It took years until V would begin to see again what was right in front of him, he had been blinded by Rika for so long that he couldn’t see you

(im sorry those puns were just too good not to put in lol get it cause hes blind)

He felt guilty for his feelings, like he was betraying Rika, yet he couldn't stop himself from feeling like he did when he was a kid

Jumin, once again, was stuck between his best friend and his sister being love sick idiots, too stupid and scared to see the other one felt the same way

He’s so over it like just get married already

He decides to invite V over, fully determined to give him a talk and tell him to ask you out

Then he will invite you over so you’ll be in the same place as V

Then, Jumin will politely excuse himself for a ‘phone call’ and give them some time alone

He begins his plan in the morning, making sure you would both be coming over for dinner, then he leaves for work

Unfortunately, a meeting he had at the end of the day ended up running super late, leaving you and V alone

Plan was ruined he’s triggered

But, what he didn’t know, was that things were going along just fine between the two

You guys were sipping some wine and catching up and laughing and smiling like old times

V wanted to take a picture to capture the moment

You looked truly beautiful, framed by the night sky, cheeks flushed from the laughing and the alcohol, a smile on your face and a look in your eyes he hadn't seen, or at least hadn't recognized, since you were kids

He acted before he had the chance to stop himself, leaning forward and pressing a kiss that held in it the passion of years and years of love

You melted into it, wrapping your arms around him and he felt like he couldn’t have brought you close enough

He wanted all of you, everything he had missed out on in his lifetime of not making you his

Pulling apart, leaving you both breathless, forehead to forehead, he smiled down at you

“I’m sorry, I should have asked truth or dare first.”

jumins triggered lol

sorry if theres any mistakes im hella tired so i may have missed some in the proof read

hope u liked it

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mental-health-advice · 4 years ago

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Submission about break up

I been struggling a lot. I don’t always share it with friends/family. Im the type of person that sometimes needs to struggle on their own before asking for help or a listening ear. **I just want to say that I have had counseling for about four or five years. And I have had help with my addiction. I think I’m just looking for a listening ear maybe.**

Last year during July 2019 I was going thru a lot with my boyfriend at the time. July was awful. My boyfriend and I would argue all the time. He’d like find faults in things I did. We’d argue also because he’d disappear for hours or days in msgs or cancel last minute. He was always on vacation but never made time for me. I started getting fed up with him. He blew me off on my birthday. Complained abt chilling etc. Then this continued on thru October. Same shit different month. Things got worse and I got so stressed out.

It kind of felt like he was waiting for me to break up with him. I had made plans with him throughout the summer and it seemed like anything I planned he didn’t want to do. I was recovering from an addiction. And whenever I had milestones I wanted to celebrate with him but he would make it about himself or he would complain that he would have to show up. I don’t know if he knew what he was doing. But he threw too many Tantrums. I loved him dearly. But I couldn’t handle being stressed etc.

In November I ended up taking a break with him. The only thing different was he really didn’t care what I was doing. He had ignored me so much more. So he asked to meet up and I ended things in December.

So now seven or eight months later I’ve been struggling so much.

The Break-Up wasn’t Mutual. But he really didn’t do anything to stop it. When we did talk he told me that he didn’t see it coming. That he thought everything was great between us. But how can everything be great if he’s not even there or that we argued all the time.

After December we stayed friends on social media. He started making ex-girlfriend comments and posts. And then started telling people about my personal problems and about my Mental Health. All his friends started attacking me through social media telling me how awful I was and that I should be ashamed for breaking up with him. And then he started stalking me in person. And then he started threatening me. Telling me that he’ll end his life if I talk to him anymore. So I disappeared. I was trying to re recover from my addiction. I wasn’t getting any help at that time but I was fine with having friends and stuff help me.

But now here we are in July 2020 and everyone wants me to feel okay. Everyone wants me to be happy never be sad. Today I’m celebrating 200 days clean. But I’m feeling every emotion possible. I am proud of how far I have come. But am also missing my ex-boyfriend. Even though a good chunk of our relationship at the end was really bad I do miss having him and his company.

It feels so weird not having him by my side. I know him and I will never again be back together. And I think that’s one thing that destroys me.. the last 6 months of us dating his entire personality and human being changed. He acted like I owed him. It kind of felt like he owned me. And that I had no say of anything. And even though he was a huge huge jerk, sometimes I still miss him. And then when I left him he became what he said he would never be.

This isn’t my first break up with someone but this is my first serious legit relationship. We dated for four years. But I never expected to end things with him. I thought the worst thing would be taking a break with him. But when he walked away after the relationship I knew he was done.

Sometimes the not knowing things kill me down inside. From December to now(july) we’ve talked about 10 or 15 times just through a text and most of the times he started the conversation. He claims that he knew I was going to end things with him.

And I guess everything still hurts. I don’t know if he said things out of anger or frustration but a lot of the things he said to me after The Break-Up really destroyed me. He told me he never understood my addiction and just thought that if he lied about understanding me that I would stop talking about it.

Do you think I still have a right to be sad about The Break-Up even though it’s been seven or eight months?

I feel like I’m losing my mind over this. Thanks for listening though.

Hey lovely,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling. I’m proud of you for reaching out for help. I can imagine that it’s easier to reach out to us than it is to your friends and family. I do hope you’re able to do the latter at some point though, because you deserve their support! It’s also good to hear that you’ve had counselling and have received help for your addiction. We’re definitely here to offer a listening ear, as well as reply with whatever advice we might be able to come up with.

It sounds like you and your boyfriend definitely went through a rough patch. Arguing is no fun at all! And when you’re in a relationship, it’s important to both want to spend time with each other. From what you’ve told me, it doesn’t sound like he wanted to me do that last year. It’s possible that he wasn’t really aware of this at the time, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t hurtful- it is and you’re allowed to be upset by that. It sounds like breaking up with him was a good decision, as the relationship wasn’t coming from both ends and it was upsetting for you.

It’s understandable that breaking up still wasn’t easy though! Break ups hurt, regardless of whether you were the one doing the breaking up. What he’s been doing after the break up, isn’t okay. He shouldn’t share your personal mental health issues with others, that invades your privacy as well as the trust you had placed in him during the relationship. Stalking and threatening you goes even a step further and is definitely not okay!

I’m so proud of you for being 200 days clean! That is absolutely amazing!! Please give yourself a big hug from me.

It’s understandable that you’re dealing with a lot of emotions though. It often is the case that we think back of positive memories and miss those. So while the relationship with your ex was rocky and there were a lot of negative sides to it, it’s understandable you miss the positive sides. This can get worse when you’re feeling a bit lonely and have no one by your side, as then you long to have someone there. He was that person in the past. And while these feelings are understandable, allowed, and valid, it is important to also remember the negative sides and to remember why the two of you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

So yes, I think you have a right to be sad about the break up even though it's been seven or eight months! There is no time limit to feeling upset about these kind of things. Breaking up with someone can be a lot like grief. Even though you don’t lose that person to death, you do lose them. You lose the way they were in your life. And the process you go through after a break up can be very similar to the grieving process. And there is no time limit to the grieving process (if you’d like to read more about that, you can check out our page on grief).

I truly hope that typing this all out and reading my answer helped you and that you feel a bit like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. Remember that your feelings are valid and that it’s going to take time to process all this. You’re allowed to feel the way you feel and step by step you’ll start to feel better again. There may be ups and downs, but I believe in you!

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard. Love Pauline

#mental health #advice #advice blog #relationship #break up #ex #ex boyfriend #addiction #mhapauline

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oddful · 4 years ago

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i’ve had at least 4 people tell me my personality has changed this year but hear this okay .. 2019? my only worry was to save money for my LA trip & in 2020 a lot changed A LOT...

In 2020, i had to start applying for school bc the A level thjng didn’t work out so i applied for an art school..an art school ... the course i wanted required me to build up a portfolio AND write in an essay .. fuck my life it was so difficult at that point no one was talking to me i was gg thru some emotional turmoil & had strained my friendship with everyone which i soon apologised to everyone and we moved forward ... god building a portfolio the fuck 10 prep boards in 2 weeks? + an essay? dude one piece not ONE BOARD one piece alrdy took me like 3 hrs and this is w/o the PLANNING BTW ... imagine at that time i wasn’t talking to anyone and no one to encourage me not that i should be expecting that but ... u catch my drift? it was so difficult like sophia stopped talking to me & he also fully left me on read for an entire month? how can i not overthink where i went wrong? how i can i not overthink when he went out w other girls n shid & im here like what t fuvk???

aside from that .. in march we found out my job was closing down ... amidst the pandemic .... where everyone now is cutting cost & they’re letting people go .... ya’ll ... i support myself the fuck i pay my own bills buy my own shit imagine what t fuck was going thru my mind at that point???? I HAD SCH TO WORRY ABT NOW I HAD A JOB CRISIS IM RLY LIKE WHAT T FUCK????? where am i gonna get a job i’m like syaz relax it’s not the end of the world you’ll get thru it just be optimistic about it yknow?

listen.. sch & a job ... these r factors i have no control over yknow? it’s not one of those problems where i’m like “ah fuck i’m so fat” & it’s within my limit to go change like just go on a diet & exercise yknow? sch & work these are EXTERNAL FACTORS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER ITS LIKE EVEN MORE STRRSSFUL THESE ARE NOT MINOR SETBACKS THESE ARE MAJOR SETBACKS DO PEOPLE UNDERSTAND? Major setbacks that will shape my future.... and now i was gg thru 2 major things - am i gg to sch? am i gg to have a job? what am i gonna do?

you can’t expect me to be the same jovial little syaz everyone knew the chill syaz not a worry in the world looking syaz i was just great at concealing my emotions it was only this year it was so fucking unfortunate that my 2016 episode returned bc IT WAS JUST TOO OVERWHELMING. While i’m alrdy at it, don’t be a fucking idiot & tell people “i’m always here if you wanna talk” & then go around being like “i’m not your fucking therapist” like relax? i’m not asking u to solve my shit? just listen to me and give me a little it’s okay syaz it’s not difficult no? Like i’ve never asked anyone to ‘feel’ for me or whatever it’s JUST LIKE ???????? THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO GOT ME OUT OF MY SHELL TO TALK ABT MY PROBELMS AND THEN THEY’re like “UHH ITS TOO OVERWHELMING” THEN I STOP TALKING ABT MY PROEBKMS THEN ITS “ WHY DONT U TELL ME ANYTHJBG” CAN I EVRR FUCKING WIN AT THIS POINT?????

ONE THING PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO STAY THE SAME WHILE JUGGLING TWO MAJOR SSTBACKS OH GOD THREE BC WHEN MY HELPER HAD TO GO HOME I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS HOW DO U expect ME TO BE THR SAME HAPPY SYAZ WHILR JUGHLING ALL YHESE??? ITS LIKE HOW CSN I JUST THINK OF GAMES AND YOUTUBE VIDEOS AND MEMES ALL THR FUCKING TIME R U SCTUALLY OKAY??? U THINK I HAVE NO PROBELMS??? i’m so tired eh like i’m never confiding in anyone anymore idk

i am not gonna play victim here bc i do suppress all my anger n sadness bc of my whole mindset to be a femme fatale lil strong bitch & when i’m at my peak whoever gets it will get vomited on by me. Bc i’m helping my friends with their shit then i’m overwhelmed when i csnt help them then it’s either S or R who has to deal w my shit and i truly am so sorry that i did that bc the both of ya’ll have told me before that it gets overwhelming when you don’t know how to help me and it s too much to absorb but i m working on it n rly i never wanted them to feel for me or anything it’s just nice to know someone is willing to listen to me yknow? idk i did a lot of things on my end but i’m gna take some time off to really heal bc honestly idt i can emotionally heal from what i heard & just hearing 4 DIFFERENT people tell me i’ve changed is like ... yea guys i know? but w all these gg on how can i not? how can i be the same syaz? jm tryna find the old me i miss her too ... just 3 weeks ago i was telling sophoa that i feel like i’m in the movie insidious .. i miss the old syaz i do & frankly after i got accepted into nafa & got transferred to another store i was starting on my journey to find myself yknow? idk

All in all i am truly sorry for hurting anyone along the way especially thru my emotioanl turmoil .. bye

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