#expect more disgusting fluff and shit bc im helplessly in love with ethan atm and like

[sweetnestor]

You Look Happier | Chapter 7

university au, teamiplier + jack

platonic/romance/angst/(smut at one point but it’ll only be on ao3)

previous chapter

I didn't see Ethan at all the next day because I was knee deep in marching for basic human rights. The day after that, Ethan was busy at his place, prepping videos for an upcoming convention. He only had time to send one heart emoji in the span of a couple of days.

Now, my usual self would feel super discouraged because this was a new relationship and we were hardly talking to each other. But this wasn't your typical relationship. Our jobs were pretty demanding, especially Ethan's. I was trying to upload videos twice a week now, but he was uploading every day alongside working for Mark. I knew what this meant, and having the experience of dating in these circumstances made me deal with it a little better.

The biggest downside at the moment, though, was refraining from speaking about it in a video. I always tried to find something to ramble about when I filmed a tutorial, but the only topic in my head was my new relationship. Either that, or my depression, but there was nothing new to add there.

“I'm gonna do something simple, but different,” I said to the camera. “I used to do this in high school a lot - which reminds me, should I do one of those ‘how I did my makeup in high school’ looks? Let me know - anyway, we're making a wing from eyeshadow. I'm feeling fucking wild today, so we're using this.”

I held up a single, bright blue pigment that was cased in black packaging. I couldn't flat out say I had a boyfriend, but I could do things like this.

“All you'll need is your shadow, a liner brush and setting spray,” I explained. “This color is called ‘Paranoid.’ Just like me,” I added, smiling sarcastically. “Okay, but for real, the KVD single shadows are amazing for things like this.”

At first, I was joking about the “paranoid” comment, but after I had finished the video, I couldn't help but feel exactly that. It wasn't a secret to the Internet that Ethan and I knew each other. Some people from his community had migrated towards my channel recently, what if they found out he and I were dating now? What if they knew from a single eyeshadow? God, I could see the memes now: “remember when Bella outed her relationship with a blue shadow?”

Needless to say, I scrapped that video and started over. I used bright pink eyeshadow and talked about the Women's March. Had to act like I was single and sad.

~

I finally got to see Ethan the night before he left for PAX South. It was nearly our one week anniversary, and he was flying off to San Antonio the next day. Missing anniversaries and important dates were expected. I didn't mind, despite that I missed him every time we were apart. I know, how gross.

It was another car date. These were becoming a regular thing, and I liked it. There were plenty of drive-thru places around town. We just sat there, eating and listening to music.

“So when do we start telling people?” I asked in thought.

“Um, who knows right now?” Ethan replied. “Because I haven't told anyone, not even my parents.”

I wasn't sure what that meant. Although, I realized I didn't have many people to tell, or any. Was that sad?

“Well for me,” I told him, “Jack is probably the only person I have right now, and he already knows. But he won't say anything to anyone.”

“The only person?” Ethan asked. “What about Mark?”

I raised my eyebrows. “You sure you want him to know just yet?”

He hesitated and then shook his head. “Maybe later.”

I decided to change the subject. “So what classes did you pick for this semester?”

“Editing… lecture.” He shook his head like that was a ridiculous thing to say. “Video production… and biology. One of those things is not like the other.”

“Yeah, those general ed policies are kinda useless,” I said with a chuckle. “But I'm taking biology too, so maybe we'll have that class together. I also have psychology, video production, and I might try to crash a Spanish or LGBTQ+ class.”

“Hm, nice.”

Just then, Intertwined began to play on the radio. My heart fluttered, and I looked at Ethan, who had broke out a smile.

“Can’t believe it’s been almost a week,” I spoke. “And I haven’t seen you in almost week.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean for… I don’t know, I just got busy. And now I’m leaving for the weekend, too, and… agh, I’m sorry.”

I reached over and placed my hand on his arm. “Hey, it’s totally fine, I understand. There’s things that need to be done, things we both have to do. We just have to make time for each other. Besides, I’d rather see you once a week than not at all.”

Ethan slipped his hand into mine and nodded. “Okay. We’ll make time. Just… text me when I’m gone.”

“Okay.”

At that moment, I really just wanted to kiss him. I was looking at his face, and then his neck and down his chest. In the past, I usually tried to resist the indulgence, but now I really couldn’t help it. By the time my eyes were trailing back to his face, he caught me.

“What?” he asked.

My cheeks flushed. “You’re just really cute,” I admitted shyly.

Now Ethan was the one blushing. Seeing him sheepishly duck his head made me smile disgustingly huge.

“I’m not cute,” he mumbled. “I’m… a man.”

“Shut up, you’re adorable,” I told him, poking his cheek.

Ethan grabbed my wrist before I could retract it. He smiled and then kissed my hand. This was absolutely cheesy, but I was melting at the gesture. I felt like I was sixteen again.

~

Honestly, I expected complete silence from Ethan over the weekend. I was pleasantly surprised to find a text from him. It was a selfie with his friends, Brian and G.

“They didn’t believe me when I told them we’re dating! :(“

So he was telling people now. It made my stomach turn, because I knew that meant that I would have to meet them at one point. It also meant that there were more chances of this getting back to Mark before we were ready to tell him.

That was a conversation for another time, though.

“Well duh! I’m not your actual girlfriend, you’re just paying me to hang out with you! :p”

I giggled to myself, and even more when he responded again.

“No one is supposed to know, though!”

Having a constant smile on my face was something I wasn’t used to anymore. It was strange. I tried to hide my tiny grin as I met up with Jack by the front door.

“Can you believe the semester starts in two days?” he said as he opened the door to step outside.

“I know! We’re dying,” I replied, following his trail. But I suddenly stopped when I felt drops of water hitting the top of my head.

I looked up and saw nothing but grey clouds to accompany the bitter and cold air. Any attempts I had made to hide my cheesy smile disappeared as I continued walking to my car. Once we were in, engine on, I adjusted the volume on the radio. I bopped my head to the song playing and then took off down the street. Things felt… not so terrible, for once. Wasn’t sure if I should get comfortable with it just yet.

At one point during the ride, I noticed Jack looking at me. When I reached a stoplight, I returned the gaze. “Can I help you?”

“You’re singing again,” he pointed out in a teasing voice.

I didn’t notice until he had said that, and all I did was shrug in response. “So?”

“You seem… less down,” he said. “That’s all. It’s different, I like it.”

Don’t overthink it. But I thought I was always singing. Wasn’t F.U. by Little Mix something I always belted out in the car? The only thing I had noticed about myself was the fact that every time I thought about Ethan, I couldn’t stop smiling.

This month started badly, but it felt like things were starting to look up.

At least, I thought that. We got to campus - or, rather, we were down the street from YouTube University, stuck in a line of cars. I was so used to driving here without traffic issues, I had forgotten it was moving day for most of the student body.

“Are they still doing schedule handouts in front of the fountain?” Jack wondered. “Because I do not want to stand in those fucking lines again.”

“You and me both,” I replied.

A knot was forming in my stomach as the line of cars moved forward. I didn’t want to stand in a crowd of loud, pushy people. With how insane vlogger mentality had gotten over time, I was terrified of stepping foot on campus. I had heard horror stories from Aria, of how people would sneak her and her ex-boyfriend into vlogs. I was afraid of stepping on campus with Jack now.

As soon as the thought hit me, guilt covered the knot in my stomach. Did I really have any other choice, though?

“Hey, why don’t you get off here while I find a parking space?” I offered as we got closer to the roundabout in front of the office.

Jack was surprised. “Uh, are you sure?”

“Yeah, I mean… you said you wanted to get recording as soon as possible today, right?” I tried to sound casual and calm.

“Well, yeah, but are you gonna be okay by yourself?”

Probably not, but why would I tell him that? “Yeah, I’ll meet you back at your dorm.”

“Are you sure?”

“We’re missing the roundabout! Line is moving!”

“Okay!” Jack quickly grabbed his backpack and got out of the car.

I took a deep breath as soon as he was gone. I also tried not to regret making him leave. I tried to ignore how vulnerable I felt now that I was alone. New generation vloggers were scary. Big crowds were scary. My best friend/safe buddy was a comfort, but he was also hard to miss, which gave a bigger chance of people approaching and possibly vlogging him.

Finding a place to park was hell, as always. But as soon as the car was stationary, I found myself not wanting to get out. I suddenly felt like I was twenty two again. First semester, fearing the unknown so badly it made me vomit. The only difference now is 1) I had a friend waiting for me, and 2) I was trying to fight off the unnecessary suicidal thoughts. Or, “intrusive” thoughts, to make them seem less daunting. They were just thoughts after all, and those were far less intense than actually acting them out.

I nodded to myself and pushed myself out of the vehicle. So far, I hadn’t seen anyone I knew. I put my hood on for good measure, hiding my pink hair inside my sweater. It was an odd comfort to be covered and concealed by a huge piece of fabric.

As I got closer to the building, I heard music booming from within the campus. I knew YTU was a party school, I just didn’t think it would happen so soon.

However, once I was past the office doors (swimming past groups of people), I saw that it wasn’t a party, but the dance team. It appeared to be the same group I had seen perform on stage a year prior, and I couldn’t help but smile. I hadn’t seen Sophie and Aria since that day in my apartment, and they looked ecstatic and graceful performing in front of the fountain. It was actually impressive, given that the ground was slippery from the rain. The whole team held their ground.

A crowd was forming around them, blocking my view from where I was standing. I wanted to get closer, but I hesitated. Did I want to risk crowding myself to see Sophie and Aria, or did I want to risk looking like a bad friend and walking away? I took a few steps closer to the source of the sound, not really watching where I was going until I practically ran into someone.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry!” I frantically said, nearly scared out of my wits.

“It’s okay,” replied a familiar voice.

It was Amy. I was already mildly distressed. Now, I could feel myself short circuiting.

She seemed just as surprised that I was here. Instead of just shrugging it off and moving along, we stood there staring at each other in shock. Why was she here, if not with Mark? That had to be why she was here, right?

Think later, I reminded myself. Then I turned on my heel to go to the boys’ dorms, until:

“Bella, wait!”

Fuck.

Hesitating at first, I turned to her again, trying to keep the fear out of my eyes. Panic was crashing into my like a tidal wave.

“Can we talk sometime?” she asked.

If you want to punch me in the fucking face for talking to your boyfriend, then just do it! Knock me unconscious! I wanted to say.

“W-Why?” I stammered out instead.

Amy hesitated, but then took a step closer to me.  “Mark wants you back in his life. I think we have some things to talk about too, if that’s gonna happen.”

This wasn’t helping at all. She somehow picked up on it.

“It’s nothing bad, don’t worry,” she added. “Just… at one point, we should… meet up, over coffee?”

I’m making amends with Mark, not you, I thought bitterly. But if I’m going to be friends with him again, then you’ll be apart of the mix regardless.

“Okay,” I said softly.

“Okay, great,” she said, looking like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. The air was still pretty awkward, though. “Keep your… Twitter open.”

My head was spinning wildly by the time I made it to Jack’s dorm.

~

“Don’t I look dreamy when I sleep?”

Attached was a rather interesting picture of a sleeping Ethan, although he didn’t exactly look asleep. His head was shoved into a pillow, and his eyes were half open. It was a little shocking, to say the least.

“Hermoso,” I replied with some heart eyes. Then I sent, “When do you come back? I miss your dumb face.”

“Later tonight. I miss your dumb stupid face too.”

“You missed the first day of the semester! D:”

“I know lol luckily my classes start tomorrow! And I can see you tomorrow too :D”

“Excited ♥”

________

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