#exo strory

[pesura]

My 25 fav albums in 2024 - An unordered list

Throwing Snow - Isthmus (Houndstooth, 2024) https://throwingsnow.bandcamp.com/album/isthmus #electronica #bass #brokenbeats

Slowly Rolling Camera - Silver Shadow (Edition Records, 2024) https://slowlyrollingcamera.bandcamp.com/album/silver-shadow #jazz downtempo #smooth jazz #electronic #chill

Wil Bolton - Null Point (The Slow Music Movement, 2024) https://wilbolton.bandcamp.com/album/null-point #minimal #ambient

Sebastian Mullaert & Henrik Frendin - Hind (Lamour Records, 2024) https://sebastianmullaert.bandcamp.com/album/hind #ambient #modern classical #experimental #electronica #minimal

Jon Hopkins - Ritual (Domino, 2024) https://jonhopkins.bandcamp.com/album/ritual #electronica #minimal #downtempo

Alva Noto - Xerrox Vol.5 (Noton, 2024) https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_ndfPBXyRpHyO3AFtGJ_COK9d0KvmQImmg&si=QAKRbWqk4Dh8t17z #electronica #ambient #modern classical #experimental

Ghost Dubs - Damaged (Pressure Sounds, 2024) https://ghostdubs.bandcamp.com/album/damaged #minimal #dubtechno #ambient #dub

Fields Of Mist - Biospore Farmers (Ilian Tape, 2024) https://iliantape.bandcamp.com/album/itx030-biospore-farmers #beats #downtempo #chill #bass

Blomfelt - I’m interested in apathy (Oath, 2024) https://oathcreations.bandcamp.com/album/im-interested-in-apathy #electronica #downtempo #chill

Gradient - Dub Stories (Greyscale, 2024) https://scale-limited.bandcamp.com/album/dub-stories-grscl40 #dubtechno #minimal

Taylor Deupree - Sti​.​ll (Nettwerk, 2024) https://taylordeupree.bandcamp.com/album/sti-ll-2 #abstract #ambient #modern classical

Hatti Vatti - Zeit (R&S, 2024) https://randsrecords.bandcamp.com/album/zeit #jazz #electronica #fusion jazz

Aukai - Temporal (Aukai Music, 2024) https://aukai.bandcamp.com/album/temporal #minimal #chill #downtempo #electronica #deephouse

Rising Sun - The Eternal (Echocord, 2024) https://echocord.bandcamp.com/album/the-eternal #minimal #dubtechno #deeptechno

Baile - Ambient Selections Vol. 1 + 2 (House of Youth, 2024) https://soundcloud.com/bailemusic/sets/ambient-selections-vol-1-2 #ambient #electronica

Paradise Cinema - returning, dream (Gondwana, 2024) https://paradise-cinema.bandcamp.com/album/returning-dream #jazz #electronica #experimental

Wabz - Rosslyn (2024) https://wabz1.bandcamp.com/album/rosslyn #electronica #downtempo #2step

DJ Krush – 再生 / Saisei (2024) https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQgJ8kaPfG0ghN7_rwgdCXIYIf1wom_5z&si=mY0G_kgGVNiLVtz3 #beats #downtempo #bass

Bremer / McCoy - Kosmos (Bremer/McCoy Music, 2024) https://bremer-mccoy.bandcamp.com/album/kosmos #jazz #smooth jazz #chill

Natureboy Flako - From The Vaults (Materialized Moments, 2024) https://natureboyflako.bandcamp.com/album/from-the-vaults #beats #electronica #downtempo

Convextion - R-CNVX2 (Mojuba, 2024) https://mojubarecords.bandcamp.com/album/r-cnvx2 #minimal #techno #deeptechno

St. Andrew - No Rain No Flowers (Fauxpas Musik, 2024) https://fauxpasmusik.bandcamp.com/album/no-rain-no-flowers-ep #electronica #idm #minimal #downtempo

Fabrizio Paterlini - Summer Strories (Memory Recordings, 2024) https://fabriziopaterlini.bandcamp.com/album/summer-stories #modern classical

Skudge & Exos - Northern Dubs (Inguma Records, 2024) https://inguma.bandcamp.com/album/northern-dubs-ngm020 #minimal #techno

[bang-me-bangtan-style]

FORBIDDEN CHAPTER 15

WORD COUNT:3.3K

CHAPTERS | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | ....

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED AFTER THAT KISS

 – BONUS CONTENT  

Things were stranger than usual since that kiss. Neither of us didn't know what to say. And I definitely didn't know why to say.  Why did I just let her kiss me like that? Why did I kiss back? Did I like my sis..ter? Andwae! No way! That's sick! I can't think like that! But why did I feel like I put the last piece to a jigsaw puzzle together? Everything was so difficult to think about it gave me a headache. Why did this happen? What – how was she feeling? What did she think of when I kissed her back? Was she disgusted? Was I disgusted?

I hate questions.

There she was sleeping in her chair watching over me. She had told me mom and dad were on their way to come see me. Which I wasn't happy about. I was embarrassed by my actions. I didn't think it would go as far as to being in the hospital. I Just wanted A little more numbing to ease the pain. I don't remember wanting to commit suicide, but then again I don't remember that much after I got drunk and took the pills. So Maybe I did mean to kill myself. Only God knows. Because god knows I wasn’t in my right mind.

I looked at my sister. She was so...so....perfect. She was so beautiful it hurt. But why did it hurt? When I thought of questions like this, my mind went Completely blank. Like there was something I was about to find out, but still couldn't quite put my finger on it. I mean I kind of had the idea but I didn’t want to admit it.

Anyways other than that I didn't know how to act around her now after that.... I can't even say it. Ugh. What am going to do? I feel weird. Very weird. I glance over her I'm feeling something I don't want to admit. What is this exactly? Someone help me.

Heaven forbid and forgive me for my sins. I pray that this doesn't get out of hand and even worse Complicated. Sehun is my brother and it should stay that way. But when he kissed me back it had gave me false hope. Hope for us. But we all know how much of a fairy-tale that could be. Reality was and reality is always what we try to avoid. And that why there is a saying "please come back to reality." Because chances are that person is delusional and trying to run from it. Just like I.

After Sehun and I kissed well this is what had happened: 

BONUS

 CONTENT BELOW

"So just get out." He said. "You hesitated, but you got up to grant his wish. "Also move out, do something, I don't want you at home." You froze in place. Really? This was how it was going to be, really? You turned around to give that bastard a piece of your mind. At that point, you didn't care if he was sick in the hospital.

"I don't?!" You yelled.

He looked shocked at your sudden outburst. And you could tell that he didn't expect for this to happen. You were now as close as possible to the edge of the hospital bed in his face.

 "I care Sehun." You sternly said.

He looked at you with an annoyed face. He stared you down and when he realized you weren't going to back down he said. "Really? Then prove it." He hadn't known why he said it in that context but he did. It was just spur of the moment.

At this point, this was a now or never moment. You had No time to think and everyone knows what happens when you don't think. You react. And at that moment your reaction to his statement was...a kiss. 

You kissed him so hard and passionately that Sehun didn't know how to respond. But when he did. He didn't push you away, Instead, he grabbed you closer and he shoved his tongue in your mouth. It went on for At least a minute until you realised how out of hand you had gotten.

You covered your mouth with your hand. "Sehun, I'm sorry I didn't.." he had a shocked look on his face as well. He was just as surprised as you were. You started to tear up. You felt so guilty never in a million years was you supposed to let your feelings out like that and initiate a kiss.

None of you was drunk or high as a kite. Matter of fact you both were down on earth, both feet on the ground. So every feeling in that kiss was real. What was this? Did Sehun really truly speak his feelings last night. When you thought it was because he was high. Was it really that the truth had come out? Were you standing there and him sitting there in that bed, both of you staring at another shocked a result of the fact of the matter? What did matter? Other than your secret had may HAVE been reviled because of that stupid decision you just made. WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

"Ana, what was that?" He whispered. Still shocked. "I..." you didn't know what to say....what should you say in a situation like this? "Ana, why did this just happened?" You looked at him your eyes teared up. You tried to speak but it would come out. Sehun. StaIred at you. "Sehun I'm sorry I didn't mean for." He cut you off. "Ana did we really just kiss?" He said in disbelief. He was taking it kind of hard. He never thought he would enjoy that, or even think time enjoy that with his sister. 

The truth was he was in denial about you. "Sehun I have to confess this before I never do." You started shaking very violently. He looked at you as if he already knew what you were to say. "Something is wrong with me absolutely WRONG WITH ME ..don't know why or how or when it started it just happened." You said trying to look at Sehun through your tears but he was blurry to many tears was in the way. "And so I became distant. Because I thought it would be best if I went away, I didn't want to involve you in my problems. I thought that-"

"Ana what are you trying to say?!" Sehun became frustrated. You looked at him wiping your tears so you could see him clearly. "Sehun I love you." You said. He paused and his eyebrows knitted together.

(a/n: shawty gonna part to the sun down XD)

"Ana I love you too, you’re my s- "

"No Sehun like love. I'm IN love with you," you stated. 

Sehun face was something you could never forget even if you tried the way he looked at you when he finally realized what was really up -was unexplainable. He seemed slightly disgusted with you but his face changed rapidly to hide it.

It scared you as he looked at you with his mouth open in utter disbelief. He didn't understand how this could have happened. And why it was. He completely forgot he kissed you back moments before. But the news from this had blown that out the water.

"Sehun, I'm so sorry, I never meant to tell you. It was support to be a secret. This was my burden, not yours." And you just kept going on and on as Sehun looked at you differently, you were trying to do anything to get him to stop looking at you like that, anything to get him to understand your reasoning, " Sehun I tried so hard to stop, I slept with Kris because I wanted to trying and rid my feelings but it didn't work and the time before that I was trying to sleep with Luhan,"at this point you had broken down." But I couldn't he....he... reminded me of you and I felt like if I did sleep with him it wouldn't help it would only make me this it was you touching and kissing me and making love to me." You turned you back as you sobbed. You crouched down and held yourself to try and calm yourself but you just couldn't. You felt stupid. This was embarrassing.

"Ana...." Sehun finally spoke. "Come here.." But you ignored him. You didn't want him to look at you like that anymore. That look gave you a reason to get rid of yourself because of how disgusting you are. "Ana... "

You could hear movement and you shot up because he wasn't supposed. To get out of bed. "Sehun stop, sit still you just had surgery." You cried. He held out his hand. "Come here." Hesitantly, you grabbed his hand and he pulled you into a hug and he whispered." This is surprising to hear....but don't think I don't love you, Ana. You're my sister, WasI'll help you with whatever. All I know is I'm happy that you don't hate me."

You cried because what?

 Was he support to tell you he loved you also in the Same Were you thinking that kiss was something when it was nothing? Or how about this? Being rejected. Oh how everything hurts. What was supposed to happened he told you let's date, I wanna make love to you too? No Ana No. You should know better by now. Everything isn't always what it seems. And pain runs deeper than you think.

So you were delusional? Yes, very. To ever think he would give you a slightest chance. You weren't meant to be, only as brother and sister, and as a twin.  

Tragic.

---------------------------------------------

The present- sehuns pov

I have to admit I missed her. I mean I've always missed her, but being alone in this hospital bed without her by my side bothers me. I know I told her to leave but I didn't think she would actually do it. When she had confessed her feelings I didn't know  how to feel about it. It did bring me joy to know all this time she didn't hate me. But feeling more than actually brother sister love, was beyond me. We couldn’t do that that was forbidden.  But the way she cried out all her pain in front of me, her holding in this secret that she had kept from me since forever made me feel a certain way. I just could explain. And again it hurt my head to trty and think about it.

It was one thing to love her but to think about loving her in a different way scared me. How could I. It felt so wrong of me. Could I try Yes. Should I? No. Ah I just don't know anymore. But what I do know is I miss her. Wish she didn't leave. I just got her back, and it feels as if though she and I are even farther apart since our last encounter and I hate it. Mabey hating another was better. Maybe before she told me her true feelings was better. Because now we seemed worse off. So close yet so far away.

"So do you remember anything?" Finally she was here sitting in the chair she had slept in yesterday. She was engaging in conversation and I was glad, but I didn't want to talk about this.  

Yet.

Did I remember anything? Slightly. Would I tell her? No. I laughed nervously and scratched the top of my head.  "No and I'm glad. I probably said some f'ed up things huh?" Though I couldn't exactly remember -I was afraid. Afraid of what she might say. What exactly did I do and was it appropriate? I had a feeling That I might of did or said things I wouldn't normally Say.

She eyed me, trying to figure me out. Seeing if I was telling the truth or not. I eyed her back that uncomfortable silence creeping it way back in. She finally looked down, disappointed. And I sighed internally. It wasn't the answer she was looking for.

"Ana finally you're here." Our mother said. She gave a cold kind of presence towards Ana because she was blaming my actions all on her when clearly it wasn't her fault. It was all mine. My dad was on both sides. But overall he was just mad at the both of us equally, something my mom needed to learn.

Ana got up hugging our mother stiffly, but efficiently. She hugged dad more Warmer. "Ana I'm sorry." Was all my mom voiced out. Although you could tell she didn't want to do it.

Ana just bowed and came back to the chair in front of me still not giving direct contact. "Sehun we brought you food, so you don't have to continue eating this nasty hospital food. We brought you black bean noodles and bubble tea." Our mother said ignore Ana altogether. But Ana being lost in her thoughts didn't notice. Heck she didn't want to be here. Well it seemed that way Anyways.

"Sorry," Baekhyun who left came back. "Well Hi baek." My father's face lit up. He liked my best friend a lot. Probably because of how funny he is. "Hi Mr.Oh," he replied back. "We don't see you at the house anymore," my father continued. "I know I'm sorry, Sehun likes to come to mine and never let's me come to his." I had my reasons.

Ana continued to stay quiet and it was killing me. She was so distant. I rather be arguing than nothing at all.

"Well you should start coming around more again."my father told baekhyun. Baekhyun smiled."sure can do sir." Ana looked at Baekhyun and they exchanged glances. It was like they were communicating without words. And it pissed me off. Why? I don't know...

Yet.

***

My parents had went to work so that left me, Ana, and Baekhyun in this room that I was going to be discharged by tomorrow or the next.  

"You feeling better?" Baekhyun finally asked.  

I nodded a Yeah. Then he hit me."You dumb ass you scared the fuck out of me!" He was now standing furious." You're lucky I know CPR or your ass would be dead! What did I tell you."

Ana looked up finally and was alert, so I tried to change the subject. "So how was school without me?" Baekhyun looked at me in disbelief.

" You're asking me this, now?!" I flinched as he about hit me again.

"Yah." I yelped. "Micho-nom " he said cussing at me.

When he calmed down his phone rang. "Ahhhh shit," I knew exactly what he meant by that. His mother. "I'll be back." And as soon as he closed the door. Awkwardness suffocated us. I started at her as she looked down. I hated every bit and piece of this. Argue make snide comments do something! But she wouldn't, and I just about had enough.

"Ana why are you being this way towards me? " I finally asked. She looked up in panic. "Be like what." So she didn't know that she was acting a certain way? "You won't talk or do anything with me" These words they felt like Deja vu.  We were right at square one. I used to stress these Same exact  phrases before. "I'm sorry," was all she said. And then she continue to look down.

Ugh this was frustrating me. I couldn't take this. "We have to talk about this." And by this I meant her love for me." No I'm not talking about it I'm working on it." Working on it? What did that mean. "What do you mean?"  I asked. She looked away and I knew. " Ana don't, don't get with another guy please." But why did I say that? "Sehun I have to it the only way to fix my self!” i became outraged. “ANA NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU!” but wait was i accepting  her love then? if really was nothing wrong with her then could i love her back as in the way she wanted me too,  or was i jealous of this “other guy” not in a romantic way, but in a brotherly way?  

Fuck now everything was even more complicated. Now I had to think about my actions and if I meant them in different ways.

"Yes!  Sehun something is wrong with me I think all these bad things" she kept going and I got caught up on bad things. All these thoughts started going through my mind and by that point I had crossed the dark side.

Ana. Ana popped in my head that one time I seen her in her bra and underwear recently.  And I wanted to cut my dick off for the other thoughts. I might have not been in love with her like that, but this first thought of her in that way made me feel bad, and I understood Ana for a brief second even if this was the first encounter.  

"I think, and I think, and when I try to stop it just doesn't work Sehun, I don't know why. But I love you in a way I shouldn't, help me." She was still going. " Sehun I'm not asking for much, I'm not even asking for you to love me back. All I'm asking for is for you to keep your distance, I'm trying to get over this. I"

"Ana..I'm I..." I couldn't tell her. I couldn't..... "what?" She said as always this made her emotional and she was crying rivers. "Nothing." I couldn't say it I couldn't tell her I was struggling my way back to the top, that I was struggling for the air in my lungs before I reached suffocation. I Oh Sehun was as hard as a rock. I wanted Ana I wanted her, I didn't love her like this but my manhood had got the best of me. as always my second head had got the best of me. I probably looked like I was constipated by now as I had been betrayed by a part of me.

Ana looked at me she angrily wiped her tears." You don't know how much I want to...to die because of this. I bet you look at me differently. Huh? I'm disgusting aren't I Sehun? I'm sorry I'm like this She whipped her tears again. I didn't say anything because I couldn't. Because I was afraid of what I might say. And because a certain part of me was thinking of her.

When it shouldn’t have.