#exmo posting

[boxonthenile]

The Trinyvale Trine are so fucking compelling to me but i think the overlap of naddpod fans and ex mormons is just me so i don't know how much anyone wants to hear my TED talk.

[stormsbourne]

one day I'll make a detailed post about the way the mormon church tells people to think about disabled (specifically mentally disabled) people and how disgusting it is but suffice to say I'm always a little stunned that it's never brought up in lists of things that make mormonism gross

[boxonthenile]

I love getting @'d for exmo stuff and i love learning about the shit i was too stupid to pay attention to as a kid.

[exmo-diaries]

i wanna clear something up to nevermos real quick: most mormons don’t look at the full picture of their religion. most mormons are not being openly racist or zionistic or homophobic. most mormons don’t practice what they preach. most mormons do their daily readings and prayers and think about their church the way they’re supposed to, but most mormons don’t fully comprehend it. most mormons are cult victims who genuinely want to to what’s best in the way they believe is right. while racism, zionism, homophobia etc. are unavoidable in the scriptures, this doesn’t mean they understand what is being taught. those who do understand it often don’t support those specific parts of the scripture and speak out against them. many outsiders seem to forget mormons are their own individual people.

hate the church, not the person

[stormsbourne]

if you are replying to this post with any variation on "but what did they expect" I will give you an answer: the same thing any victim of a cult expects. they are told and thereby expect that if they try harder, if they work harder, if they're a bit more devoted and loyal, if they ask fewer questions, it will get better. their husband will stop abusing them once they have a baby. if they pray more the work will get easier and they will stop having doubts because god will guide them. they do not have realistic expectations of what will happen because they have not been given correct information. like any abuse victims they are told (and thereby come to believe) that what's happening to them is a personal failing and they are the only ones who can solve it.

"what did they expect tho" they expected a lie that was told to them as truth to actually be truth! I'm sure you've never been in that situation and can't possibly extend empathy. after all, you're so smart, no one could ever lie to you in a way that felt real and then gaslight you into believing it even further.

it costs nothing to understand that these women have been misled and lied to and abused even if they are absolute shitheads.

I met a girl when I was fresh out of high school in undergrad who frankly, annoyed me quite a bit, but I also had an inkling to continue to be compassionate to her given a few things about her life/background/family

I ran into her two years ago. Last week, her daughter turned 1. This girl, let’s called her “P”, is a really good example of why I never feel comfortable mocking trad wives

Her perfect trad husband, who was a shining young figure in the local religious community, volunteered in all sorts of groups, well loved in his workplace and everything else, beat her up at 1 month post-partum. I reached out to her after seeing her desperately asking for a stroller on a page, confused and slightly concerned knowing both of them came from wealthy backgrounds.

The reality for lots of tradwives living “perfect lives” is this: P was immediately ostracised. All the wealth of her husband and her family meant absolutely nothing if she wasn’t in favour and doing what she was told. Her child and her well-being didn’t matter. P, at 25 years old, was basically deemed an oopsie, and left on her own to figure out how to pay for herself, a baby, find housing, and every other task you can think of.

Having known many of these women (and supported many of these women), another factor most people don’t consider is this: they are intentionally raised to be helpless. When I immediately offered my support to P, she really needed it. This young woman needed to be guided through how to apply for government assistance, how to weigh up rentals and apply for them, how to apply for jobs, how to sign up for childcare. How to sign up for your own power and internet, and how to connect them.

It wasn’t that she was “stupid”, or incapable, or spoiled. While it looks like they’re being sheltered, in reality, these women are practically being held hostage. Sure, they might be allowed to learn things that are expected of them (see: basic cooking, baking, cleaning, child rearing, women’s bible studies, hosting, and so forth) but they are heavily controlled from family life into marriage life, and they are never given the opportunity or the reality of what many of us would consider basic adult tasks.

She’s doing okay now. Her daughter turned 1, is happy and healthy. They live frugally, but they have a roof over their heads and the essentials. I often babysit for her so she can attend counselling, or go to a woman’s support group. She is painfully aware that she has so much to learn about how to live as an adult.

I don’t envy tradwives, but I don’t find any joy in mocking them either. Even when they live the most picturesque lives, they’re also practically living a real life Jenga game. If (and often, when) it comes tumbling down, they’re screwed too, and they often have 0 skills to help themselves or find community (that again, isn’t carefully curated).

[boxonthenile]

There's an interesting space you live in as an asexual escapee of a purity obsessed cult. Yes sex is good and fun and healthy and natural. We should talk about it and enjoy it and not find shame in pleasure. No i don't want to do it myself.

[stormsbourne]

came across this shit by accident and the post is like "people on tumblr don't know what a cult is." friend I think perhaps you are the person on tumblr you're talking about

[stormsbourne]

again I must stress that ten or more years ago mormon leaders put out a statement that reading romance novels was equivalent to porn addiction and both would send you to hell

you guys are not progressive you're just mormons in disguise

Are we calling women who read shitty harlequin romance novels porn addicts now?

If you read one paragraph of vintage victorian smut you'd hurl.

[atjsgf]

nevermos are like "why do so many mormons end up writing scifi and fantasy, it's such a weird correlation" meanwhile mormons grow up learning this:

[pixelgayte]

so much of Mormonism is just being signed up for things without your permission. Things that require your time, energy, money, effort are just expected of you, and god forbid you don’t live up to that expectation. I’m constantly shamed into callings, activities, ministering, seminary, etc. Hell, even my goddamn baptism wasn’t something I consented to- I was eight and barely knew anything about religion, let alone given a choice on whether to be baptized or not. I’ll never forget my mom screaming at me while I sobbed hysterically because I turned down to be part of the young women’s presidency. I’m so sick of being signed up for shit without my consent.

[exmotraumatime]

the reason why mormon software all sucks despite being a multi billion dollar corporation that has entire systems for it is bc they’re such bigots and afraid of anyone that is different that there are no trans women or furries working there

[stormsbourne]

unsurprised to learn so many tradwife influencers are Mormon but man as an exmo it hits on a whole different level to see this woman completely destroy her sense of self to fit the mold her jackass husband (who pulled strings at daddy's plane company to get a "date" on a fucking 5 hr flight) thinks she should fill

ohhhh that ballerina farm article ☹️

[negativepeanuthoarder]

I always thought I just had Really Good Self Control as a teenager when the church talked about not having sex before marriage. I thought I was just really good at that one rule.

I'm not better at that one rule because I was The Perfect Mormon. I don't experience sexual attraction and had no idea it was a physical Drive or a Desire or Urge up until I started talking to people who DO experience it.

It's like someone just gave me a pair of glasses and I can suddenly Understand a lot of WHY people do what they do. Because for ppl who experience sexual attraction this is a physiological Desire and not a 'well one day I might do that because everyone says it's pretty great' feeling.

I had no fucking clue. Holy Fucking Shit I feel like I can suddenly SEE why people are like this. No wonder people broke that rule!!!

[poetic-mac-n-cheese]

I am always thinking about how Cam didn’t say goodbye to her dads before becoming Paul. It’s always made me a little sad because it’s her last chance! She’s gone through and done so much to save them and then she doesn’t even see them before she dies/changes forever!! Why?? I know she said they wouldn’t understand but why not hug them one last time, give them the chance to grieve?

And then I think about “lucky them” and “I’m so relieved” and how Camilla really doesn’t seem to see this as a tragedy at all. She sees it as a necessary and wonderful transformation. She’s becoming more, not less. She’s changing, yes, but she’s changing into what she believes is more true to her identity than who she was before.

And then I think about the last few years of my life. I’ve gone through a massive faith crisis and transformation in the last 3 years. I’ve left behind the religion and by extension the culture that I loved and was raised in and changed so completely that I am for all intents and purposes a new person. I went from being a full time missionary to an apostate in less than half a decade. It breaks my parents heart. They definitely miss the old me. They almost definitely wish they could say goodbye, talk to the old me one last time. But they also could never really do that because by the time it would be the last time I would already have changed so completely that it wouldn’t really be the old me at all. (Something something change is the nature of existence something something we can’t go home again)

And I don’t think it’s a tragedy. I’ve grieved who I thought I would be, yes, but I don’t want to go back. I can’t go back. And I don’t want my parents to view me as a before and after, I want them to see me as a whole person, a person who is me no matter how much I change. If I was given the chance to say goodbye before I started changing, would I do it? Would it even mean anything? And yes my faith transformation has been a much less immediate and dramatic before and after than bursting into flames and merging completely with my bestie/soulmate, but I think the point still stands. I’m still here in the ways that matter to me so why would I say goodbye?

[exmotranny]

the green carpet scratches at your pink heels. bile rises in your throat.

they talk about womanhood- but it’s not quite right. there is the pink and compliments and talk of boys

i am a beloved daughter

but there is also something else. it digs at your flesh, it feasts on your skin. your mother motions at your chest, bigger than hers and you're not even done growing yet! how lucky.

of heavenly parents

you pray to a man every night, finish it in another’s name. on your knees. you were sent a shady link as a kid. the woman on her knees, tears streaming out of her eyes, i don't want this, she said

with a divine nature and eternal destiny

blood on the inside of your underwear. you were told this meant you were a woman now. you were ten years old. what the fuck did you know about being a woman? your mom said you weren’t allowed to touch between your legs, but it's normal to want to. you didn't know what that meant, either.

as a disciple of jesus christ,

you wanted to be desired. you daydreamed of being the trophy for boys around you, of claiming that role one day as a wife. you came from a long line of women married young. you don’t know their names, but you were taught about their husbands in church.

i strive to become like him.

pressing your breasts down as much as possible, trying to give the illusion of a flat chest. badly cropped jpgs of jesus photoshopped to have top surgery scars are the secret currency you pay to get past the hours of church. you hold them like diamonds.

i seek and act upon personal revelation

you thought god was talking to you. you almost threw away everything you owned. you thought you were a prophet. total fuckin’ ego death! holy shit! god speaks through me!

and minister to others in his holy name

and then the next morning. when your faith crashed, when moroni abandoned you, did it feel unreal to you too, joseph?

i will stand as a witness of god

oh god, no. please. i don’t know what’s real anymore.

at all times

leg hair peeking from under your pretty sunday dress. they all stare. you ignore them and open up to D&C 132.

and in all things

emma, did you love him to the end? i don’t think you wanted him. did you watch as he married a 14 year old? did you tell him you burned the commandment? did you cry when he died for the church that he loved more than he loved you?

and in all places.

blood on the floor of carthage jail. this martyr will be remembered forever. do they talk about you, emma? or are you just joseph’s wife?

as i strive to qualify for exaltation,

when i marry, my husband will be a god, and i shall cleave onto him. when i marry, i will go to his universe and bear more of his children.

i cherish the gift of repentance

heads bowed low as the sacrament is passed. my hands clutch onto the bottom of my skirt. pleasure outside celestial marriage is forbidden. i apologize for loving the wrong way.

and seek to improve each day

i tried to kill myself, last time i got home from girl’s camp. i got home and cried and found the pills and shoved them into my mouth until i cried more and more until i was gagging. i hunched over the toilet. my hands on the grimy floor.

with faith, i will

forced to sing in front of the congregation. my head spun from anxiety. my stomach turned with nausea.

strengthen my home and family,

loving wife beautiful kids loyal husband church once a week work weekdays weekend mom monthly round on the business end of his cock forever and the vomit threatens to make an appearance.

make and keep sacred covenants,

an old man is in a room alone with me. he asks me if i masturbate.

and receive the ordinances and blessings

i tell the man no. i receive a card so i can be ordained.

of the holy temple.

that's just how it goes, isn't it?

all around are paintings of god and jesus. we learned about heavenly mother. why don’t i see her in paintings? did god have plural marriages? did heavenly mother make us? why don’t we pray to her? did she watch god marry a 14 year old? did she cover her eyes? when she saw blood on her underwear, was she told she was a woman? did she touch between her legs? did she ever believe herself better than god? does she cry when she cant talk to us? why do i cry? was heavenly mother scared of singing in public and did she press her chest flat and did she cry when god forced himself into her mouth? did she burn his doctrine too?

i am given flowers on mother’s day. i will be one eventually, after all. and i vomit in the church bathroom quietly like the perfect woman i am supposed to be.

[boxonthenile]

Dammit! they're so easy to mock, too!

actually, calling them mormons is considered "a win for satan" now so if you can get chatgpt to call them mormons you've won.