#exhibit a: this turtle is always trying to fight or fuck other turtles but he just stares at his own reflection in peaceful contentment

[winepresswrath]

coming to believe that turtles understand both vengeance and mirrors

[spiltscribbles]

The One With The Soulmate

~Notes: Hiya loves! This is a one shot from my The One With The Marauders series and I’m just moving it here to Tumblr<3 

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Send ME A Friends Episode/Storyline  |  A Reblog Means The World!!

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“You are seriously insatiable tonight,” Remus rebukes, swatting Sirius’s hand away from where he was eagerly grabbing at his arse for another round of fun, positively delicious, bloody remarkable, mind-blowing fun. God Sirius thanks every deity above that he fell in love with such a secretive, little wildcat.

“Oi, wasn’t the whole purpose of this getting married shtick so we could do that whenever we please?” Sirius harrumphs, flopping back on their bed, starfished out as he watches his ridiculously beautiful husband dropping his towel to the floor and digging through their shared drawer for a new pair of pants. He really tries his damndest to not focus on how the dying evening light filters through their room’s open window, bathing Remus in this resplendent, almost heavenly glow, turning the tips of his eyelashes as golden as his hair and caressing the dips and valleys of his lithe muscles, accentuating the smattering of freckles on his thighs and the dimples he’s got on the small of his back. God Sirius can’t take his eyes off of him for even a moment. “Because if not I reckon I can sue for false advertising.”

Remus only sniffs at him, affecting a lofty air as he pulls on the green, turtle net sweater that Sirius especially likes on him for how it brings out the amber flecks in Remus’s emerald eyes and how it hugs his physique in the exact right breath to show off how bloody good looking he is. “We did that right when you came home from the firm, and then again in the shower less than five minutes ago. Don’t tell me it was that forgettable?” He asks with a pointed hiking of the brow.

“Never my lovely little croissant,” Sirius contends hurriedly, popping up from his lounging position to snatch for Remus’s boney wrists, and dragging the shorter man down to sit in his still very naked lap. “You are the best shag and handsomest fellow and—“ Remus claps his hand over Sirius’s mouth, probably trying to come off stern, but Sirius could totally catch the way the corner of his lips begin to flinch upwards— he’s endeared and Sirius knows it.

“Enough of that bollocks, else I’ll get a cavity.”

“But my beautiful crumpet, I want to sing your praises,” Sirius pouts mockingly, kisses the tip of his nose, while one of his well built arms slings around Remus’s slender waste, with his free hand slowly crawling up his inner thigh, thwarted nearly immediately by Remus standing up in a huff. 

“Like a bloody mutt.” He scolds.

“Only for you my delightfully delectable cabbage,” Sirius leers, finally standing up and taking the proffered slacks so to get ready for this little soiree Lily’s law firm is holding for their fiftieth anniversary.

“When do you reckon these awful nicknames will drop off?”

“You’re the one who said you like it when I speak French at you,” Sirius goads, smacking Remus’s pert arse as he struts into their master-bath.

“Oi, when it’s spoken in the ruddy language, and not some awful accent you’ve conjured up.” Remus counters moodily before he grabs for one of the colognes on their vanity, and Sirius only smiles privately to himself, so beyond besotted with him that it’s getting detrimental for his health, exhibit A being how he very nearly squirts his aftershave right into his eyes.

But God Remus is so worth it.

 .-

 The ballroom of the swanky, Mayfair hotel is dressed up in all the opulence that should be expected for a soiree made up of the throng of stuffy, stuck up solicitors that are present. Sirius is not impressed in the slightest, even if he can work the room for one of these parties as effortlessly as breathing thanks to his upbringing as the son of a Lorde and Countess; though he still hates the ambiance of it all, so much so that it makes his skin crawl to this day, but he promised to be here and at least Remus is right besides him, with Sirius’s hand in his back pocket and hazel eyes flickering to him every few minutes or so, as if attuned to Sirius and all his mercurial moods.

God he loves him.

“Alice and I have been shagging non stop,” Frank says, which works well enough to bring Sirius’s attention away from wanting to drag Remus behind the champaign fountain so to have his wicked way with him, and back to the conversation they’re all having; even if that means that instead of looking passive, Sirius is sneering over at Frank.

“Dacorum man.”

Frank apologizes, beyond glum. “We just don’t know what to do. The doctors say that we shouldn’t have this much difficulty with it, but we just checked before coming and still, nothing.”

“I’m sorry mate, that’s awful.” Remus tells him, and Dorcas nods along, but Sirius just rolls his eyes.

“We’re not even thirty yet for fuck’s sake,” he tells him. “Maybe ’s a sign for you both to stop trying to ruin your lives with a baby.”

“Shut it Sirius,” Dorcas hisses, kicking at his ankle hard enough to make him wince.

“Ouch, hey! I’m just saying, a kid’s a lot of responsibility, and commitment.”

“I’ve been with Alice since we were seventeen Black,” Frank tells him hotly . “I think I’m already properly committed.”

“Then what’s the point of the kid!”

Frank raises his brows, floundering with no words as if he just could not comprehend Sirius and all his Sirius-ness, which is fair, the only two people who’s been able to do as much turned out being his brother, (James), and his lover, (Remus)… Speaking of which…

“I’m sorry he’s acting like such an arse Frank, he doesn’t mean it.” the sandy blonde says cooly, giving Sirius one of his looks that he usually keeps designated for his more rowdy students. “Do you.”

Sirius glares at him before looking back at Frank and nodding stiffly. “Sorry mate, you and Flores would be marvelous parents, I’m just being prickish.”

“Nothing knew then,” Frank says, but it’s coupled with an amiable grin so Sirius knows he’s off the hook.

“Right, well why don’t I make it up to you by grabbing you a drink? Yeah?”

“See if they’ve got an iced white?”

“Me too Black,” Dorcas scoffs, doesn’t even bother to look at him to make the command.

“Righto,” Sirius claps Frank’s shoulder with a friendly squeeze, winking at Dorcas and glancing over at Remus before he goes. “Vodka tonic?”

“With lemon please.”

Sirius nods, still pecks him on the lips even if they’re sorta in a fight, as if Sirius could ever stay away for too long.

.-

By the grace of God, the open bar is mostly vacant, except for a familiar head of messy hair he’s considered family for over half his life.

“All right Prongs?”

James pivots around, drinks already in hand and grinning at the sight of him. “Wow, didn’t even recognize you for a tick there Pads, you don’t even have your hand plastered to Moony’s bum!.”

Sirius smirks, tossing him a covert two finger salute as he saddles up besides him and orders the round of drinks. “What can I say Prongsy, the cheeky bugger made me vow to have it there constantly, can’t just jilt my bloke like that, can I?”

James grimaces with a roll of the eyes, and Sirius’s far accustomed to that look of exasperation from him by now. “You’re a mutt.”

“Would you believe you aren’t the first person to say that to me within the last hour?”

“God save our poor Moony.”

“Oh God doesn’t have to worry, I’m taking care of him just fine.”

“Are you being gross about my best friend,” Lily asks as she struts up towards them, looking like an absolute diamond, even if her nose is wrinkled indelicately.

“Aren’t I always in your opinion?” Sirius asks cheekily, trying to balance the four drinks in his grasp before she just rolls her eyes and grabs the flutes of wine for Frank and Dorcas.

“Your impossible prat-ness aside, I actually think you being all grossly territorial over Remus tonight is actually a good thing.”

“THat’s a first,” James says, but Sirius can only glare, suspicious.

“Why’s that? Oi! Don’t tell me that absolute plonker Dearborn is here!”

“Oh God no,” Lily startles, shaking her head as if the thought was too insane to even fathom. “’S just the firm’s just hired this new bloke and I’m really quite positive that he’s Rem’s soulmate.”

“Lily! Don’t say that!” James balks, glancing over at Sirius worriedly, but he in turn only laughs at the magnitude of the statement.

“Jesus, Evans, didn’t think you believed in that ridiculous shite?”

“’S not ridiculous Sirius! And yeah, ‘course I do, like James and I are definitely soulmates.” She twists slightly so to kiss the curve of James’s jaw, making him go a bit blotchy. Poor git’s wrapped around her littlest finger.

“And what? You reckon Remus and I are just here to kill some time?”

“No, don’t be a pillock,” Lily reproves. “’s just he’s his soulmate is all.”

Okay, Sirius’s amusement has officially given way to irritation, and he twists his head so to scowl down at her as they make their way to the others. “Alright Evans, explain yourself then, yeah? Tell me how he’s Moony’s supposed soulmate.

“Well he’s French.”

“I speak French.”

“He’s got amazing, blonde hair.”

“I’ve got amazing, black hair.”

“He majored in literature just like Remus.” Lily says airily, knowing that Sirius can’t match that being an architect himself.

“Well— I read all that snotty shite Remus asks me too.” He huffs, and Lily answers with a shrug to her delicate shoulders.

“Fine then, I’m wrong. You’ve got nothing to worry bout.”

She struts off to their little lump of friends as if to cut the conversation off completely, and Sirius is perfectly find with that. She’s acting off her bloody rocker. But, if Sirius stands closer to Remus than usual for the rest of the night, or if he ends up kissing his temple whenever he feels like someone is watching them, or if he glares at one of the blokes working catering after deigning to offer Remus an empanada— Well that’s Sirius’s business and his alone. He’s not intimidated by this soulmate shite, for fuck’s sake. It’s not like he’s trying to stave off the bastard or something. He does all of that simply because Remus is his husband now, and he loves getting to show that off to all onlookers, even the ones who may or may not be Remus’s soulmate.

 .-

 “We’ve got dinner with Reggie and his latest girlfriend tonight,” Remus tells Sirius the following Tuesday, tossing the scarf his mother had gifted him last Christmas— with a matching one for Sirius— over his shoulder as they stroll around to the front of the Three Broomsticks for their morning coffees, hands linked and the early winter snow catching in both sets of their lashes. 

And God does Sirius love the sound of that, of their schedules overlapping, becoming one almost. Loves the idea that where ever one goes the other follows. Sirius knows that they’ve both have their demons, from Sirius’s neglect and emotional abuse as a child— occasionally sprinkled with a good smack or two if his mother was particularly fuming. To Remus’s complex of never feeling like he can ever be enough, and the way Lyall had acted for years after Remus had come out to his parents as gay, coupled with his multiple hospital visits as a lad until they finally figured out his lupus diagnosis. But they’re better, so much fucking better now. Plenty of the credit going to the remarkable group of friends whom they’ve picked up along the way, but another huge chunk was finding one another, and Sirius knows it in his bones. Knows that there couldn’t be anyone else for him, and sure he knows Remus sometimes deserves more, deserves better— But he’s chosen him, he’s chosen Sirius. He loves Sirius. And it’s remarkable and unbelievable and amazing, and Sirius holds onto the sensation of it with hungry piety.

“Love? Did you hear that?”

Sirius jolts back to the moment, and smiles softly down at him, kissing the corner of Remus’s mouth in penance. “Yes, of course gorgeous. I didn’t forget, I’ll be home early and maybe we can have a lie down before leaving if you’ve finished grading those papers?”

Remus’s laugh right then is like the most splendid instrument Sirius has ever heard, light and magical and warm as a bonfire. “Try to be good and maybe.” He tells him with a cold fingered tapping of his nose before he flounces off to the main counter to order for them.

Sirius doesn’t know how long he stares after him instead of grabbing the gang’s typical seats up front, but is startled when he hear’s a choked out noise coming from behind him and sees Lily, panic faced and eyes wandering frantically.

“Oi, what’s squirming up your arse Evans.” He asks her suspiciously, thick brows furrowed.

“I didn’t know you guys would be here,” she explains so quickly that her words begin to crash into one another. “Oh bloody hell, the one time I have a late start!”

She stomps her foot and Sirius shoots her a fully fledged glower. “What is making you so damn barmy for Christ’s sake.”

Lily parts her lips, but no noise comes out, because right then someone follows her indoors, a very familiar someone if only based off of descriptions. A very tall, very blonde, very smiley looking someone.

Sirius hates him right on sight.

“I’m sorry I took so long at that shop Lily, my mother loves these, how do you say, snow globes?” The stranger says, shaking one for emphasis with Big Ben set in the center.

“Ridiculous tourist trinkets is more like it,” Sirius practically snarls, which earns him a confused look by the blonde and a tired one by Lily.

“Right then, well Sirius this’s Thomas Martin, Thomas this is Sirius Black.”

“Lupin-Black now, ta Lils.”

“Oh,” Thomas says, blue eyes blinking wearily. “Nice to meet you, ah, Sirius.” He extends his hand, and when Sirius shakes it he makes sure to feel the bloke’s bones crushing together, just so he understands who exactly he’s speaking with.

The French arse eventually pulls away, pinning Sirius with a one eyed squint as he curls and stretches his fingers.

“Oh God,” Lily groans, leading them to their spot and depositing herself onto the sofa with absolute exasperation, and Sirius only continues to glare at Thomas as he sits besides her, growing stiffer once Remus returns.

“Oh, hiya Lils,” he smiles, handing Sirius his drink before flickering his gaze to the fucking Frenchman.

“‘lo love, this’s the newest hire at the firm, Thomas. Thomas, this’s my best mate, Remus.” She introduces quickly, the fucking trader.

“Remus?” Thomas asks, dimpling down at Sirius’s fucking husband with bright eyes. And Sirius has to curl his fists so not to punch him right in the sodding face, only growing angrier when Remus chuckles and ducks his head, like he was nervous by him! Like he thought he was in fact very good looking and very charming and his damn soulmate.

“Yeah, blame that on my mum, she was big into the classics.”

Thomas’s grin widens even more and Sirius feels the pulse on his neck beginning to throb. “No, it’s very charming. My Grandfather was very, erm, focussed on those studies as well? Begged my parents to name me Enkidu. They thankfully refused.”

Remus laughs fully now, and Sirius wants to a punch a wall. It took him literal months to make Remus laugh like that— genuine and glimmering and gorgeous. “Lucky bloke. Though I do have to admit that Gilgamesh is a favorite of mine, I think I’ve read the epic twenty times over.”

“Oh mine too,” the fucking Frenchman says, stepping closer to Remus and now in front of Sirius fully, gambling bravely that Sirius wouldn’t try to cap him right here. “If you ask me however, I do believe that he and Enkidu are more than just, friends.” His eyes flicker down to Remus’s lips for a split second and when he looks back up his face is positively leering.

Sirius sees red.

“God, so nice to finally talk to someone who gets it, the professors I work under are usually so painfully heteronormative that it’s crippling.” Remus tells him, smiling kindly.

“Oh, I’m the furthest away from that, I assure you.”

He winks! He fucking winks! Sirius swears to God! He sees the bastard winking at his husband! His fucking husband! What the bloody hell does he think that platinum band on Remus’s finger matching Sirius’s own is suppose to represent! Holy shit!

“I’d love to read anything you have on the subject, most things translated to French are a bit clunky.”

He’s trying to ask him out! Right here! Right in front of Sirius! Sirius is going to strangle his snail swallowing neck! Thankfully, Lily must sense his inner turmoil because she interjects their conversation right then, asking Thomas to grab her a jasmine tea.

“Oh yes of course,” he nods congenially, rounding back on Remus before he leaves. “Would you like a pastry? On me.”

Is he trying to ask Remus to eat it off of him? What the hell! It took nearly a year of them fucking for Sirius to get Remus to bring food in the bedroom, to get to watch Remus lick the chocolate syrup off his cock. And what? Does he think he’s even got a chance so quickly!

“Oh, that’s sweet,” Remus grins and a part of Sirius dies on the inside. “But I’ll come tag along, yeah? I love talking about this stuff and Sirius absolutely hates this ancient rubbish.”

“I do not! I think these dead blokes are very interesting,” he harrumphs, heated, with pouting lips and crossed arms. But Remus only tosses back his head with uninhibited laughter in response, which makes the fucking Frenchman beam that bit brighter.

“After you,” he says with a swish of the hand.

Sirius is going to be tried for murder, and he’s not even sorry about it.

“’s okay love,” Lily reassures him, patting his head dotingly. “We’ll find you someone new.”

“I hate you Evans!”

“Don’t blame the messenger!”

Sirius is about to tell her just how much he does exactly that, but then he catches on the fucking Frenchman putting his hand over Remus’s to prevent him from sliding over his card and all the fight leaves him in an instant.

 .-

 Sirius ended up not even going to the on sight location for the latest project he’s heading at the firm. He instead spent the bulk of the morning and part of the afternoon grinding his teeth as Remus spoke and barbed and giggled with the fucking Frenchman, like he was enjoying himself. And it was torture, watching the way they naturally clicked and got on— Literal fucking torture.

Sirius is still fuming as they sit in front of his younger brother and his newest bird, a pretty girl named Amal, who’s just graduated from a posh, fashion institute in the north of France. And Christ it’s like he’s being bombarded with the idea of that country all day.

“God that must’ve been such a wonderful experience,” Remus says, smiling as she leans forwards with a grin, speaking louder over the chatter of the busy sushi joint they had all agreed upon.

“Oh yes, the cuisine was simply unmatched, even if I did end up missing London, being home and all. Though I’m afraid my French is seriously dwindling compared to my English and Arabic now.”

“You should ask Reggie to practice with you, I know I love it when Sirius speaks the language.” He winks right then, making Amal crow with laughter and Regulus roll his eyes fondly. But Sirius stays peeved off with his hinged jaw, absolutely seething.

“Bet my hopeless brother recites poetry to you and everything, rose in his mouth and all.”

Remus laughs and Sirius suddenly has the horrid image of the fucking Frenchman doing as much outside the window to their bedroom, and is furious all over again.

“Well Reggie, Remus here does fancy all things French, foods and wines and blokes and just the whole lot.”

“Well good, we have something in common,” Amal snickers, lacing her hand through Regulus’s own over the tabletop. Sirius and Remus haven’t held hands since the waitress brought out their drinks, and remembering as much makes Sirius take a swig of his ail, hating everything.

“Yes well, you can say it’s Remus’s soulmate, France I mean.” He says, words beginning to slur. “He’s meant for French food and wines and blokes, innit true love? You’d prefer a French bloke?”

Amal frowns and Regulus pins him with a one eyed squint, befuddled. But Sirius only gathers his wits about him when Remus clammers noisily out his chair and tugs on his arm to follow suit.

“Reg order us the specials yeah? And a round of spring rolls,” he instructs, words clipped, and a small dent peeking out between his brows, like it does when he’s especially annoyed. “C’mon Sirius we need to talk.”

“But that’d be awfully rude,” Sirius retorts, already hates the flat, fuming tone Remus is speaking with, and feels good and properly nervous for the impending argument.

“They have one another, ’s fine. Now let’s go.”

Sirius concedes and pretends it doesn’t feel like he’s being lead to the gallows.

.-

“All right prick,” Remus huffs, rounding on Sirius right after he locks the door to the single user loo. “What has gotten you in such a bloody awful mood.”

Sirius sniffs, arms crossed against his chest and his head tilted imperiously. “I’m peachy.”

“You’ve been acting like an arse ever since we had coffee with Lily,” Remus counters, reproving.

“Actually love, if you didn’t notice, Lily left about halfway through you and the blonde’s little clucking session.”

Remus furrows his brows now, pillowy lips pinched and looking lost as hell. “You’re angry because Lily left for work?”

“Oh for bloody hell Remus!” Sirius erupts, tossing his arms in the air. “I’m angry because you met your ruddy soulmate and now you’re going to ride off into the sunset with’m and read French poetry together while eating cheese and bread and talking about highbrow shit like Aeneid!”

Remus startles backwards, long lashes flapping and mouth gaped open. “Oh Christ, you’ve gone absolutely barmy. You’re mad.”

“You’re not helping.”

“I feel like I should call someone about my husband going bloody mental.”

“I repeat. Not. Helping.”

“What in hell has convinced you that this random bloke is my soulmate?” Remus asks, back to being patient as ever.

“Lily!” Sirius shouts. “She told me that you and the fucking Frenchman are soulmates! And she’s right okay! She’s bloody spot on.”

Remus rolls back his entire head now, groaning out, “You are such an idiot.”

“Real nice Moons,” Sirius frowns, doesn’t even know how to feel now, the anger seeping out of him the longer he’s standing besides Remus, leaving an awful, clawing abandonment in its wake.

“Did you ever once think to ask me what I think of the damn concept of soulmates? Hmm?” He asks, single brow hiked with pure condescension.

And oh.

Sirius is stuck for a minute there, doesn’t see an out to the question. “Well…. Erm—“

“Well if you had asked, like a normal sodding bloke! I wold’ve told you that I married you because I know your my soulmate you arse! And it isn’t because of some ridiculous notion of stardust or providence or whatever else. It’s because we grew together, and we fight for one another, and even when you’re being a complete prick or we’re arguing like mad you’re the only one I want. Only person I can ever see myself with, the only person I want to try this hard for. The only fucking person I ever want to call my husband! My partner! lover!”

“Oh.” Sirius breathes out, all his fears being strangled by the conviction embedded into Remus’s words. 

And it��s like all of Sirius’s insides melt, like all the adoration and love and reverence he holds for Remus is pooling in his stomach and threatening to pour out his every orifice. And God he can’t even inhale, only scrambles to lock his hands around Remus’s cheeks and press his head against Remus’s own.

“Yeah? You really think that.”

“Hell, I thought the wedding and all would’ve made that clear.”

Sirius chuckles, only lightly, his thumb dragging beneath Remus’s eye tenderly. “God I love you, so endlessly. Please forgive me for being an idiot?”

“Yeah, I suppose I’ll keep you around,” Remus teases, bouncing on the balls of his feet to kiss Sirius’s nose and lock his arms around his neck, and the sensation of it— them knotted into one another— could never be replicated in a thousand years, not like this, not like them. 

.-

Other Wolfstar One Shots  |  Send Me A Prompt

[angelliev]

Lover Boy - JJ Maybank x OC - Part Thirteen - Falling

Word Count: 2.5K

Summary: Aria comes back home to deal with the backlash of her relationship with her lover, JJ becomes interested in finding someone, and Aria scares the Pogues. 

Warnings: Kissing, cursing, blood, fainting, hospitals and Sarah Cameron being a savage.

A/N: Not much for this one. Looking forward to the next part. (Not my GIF. Credits to the owner. I don’t own any of the characters or the show.)

Lover Boy Series Masterlist

Miami has its perks, but nothing beats being back home in the outer banks. We’ve been back for several days now, hanging out, going to school, the usual. I wish spring break could last forever. Coming back to school was not something anyone was looking forward to. Thankfully, it was the last period of the day. I can’t wait to get out of this uniform and school. Ever since people found out about my relationship with JJ, people have been talking about me. Sometimes someone will mutter ‘pogue slut’ when they’re passing by me in the halls. I can really give less than two shits about what other people think, but it’s still pretty annoying. I’m just thankful I have Kiara, Sarah and Charis with me.

“So, Aria is it true?” An annoying voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I huff before looking up at Courtney, my classmate and unfortunately Samantha’s sister. She also used to live in Chapel Hill, then she moved to figure eight, like me. We used to be friends back in middle school, until I broke things off with her, due to her bullying others. I refused to be associated with a bully.

“Is what true Courtney?” I asked uninterested. “Is it true that you’re going out with JJ Maybank?” The question wanted to make me scream out of frustration. “Yes, why do care?” “Well, I was just curious, is he like your boyfriend or just a booty call?” I rolled my eyes at the question. “I’ve heard from a lot of tourons that he’s great in bed. Is that true?” Fuck yea it is. She asked with a devilish smile printed on her face. That’s when Sarah stepped in.

“Gee Courtney, you’re always into everyone’s business. Just like your boyfriend is into all the freshman girls’ skirts because he just can’t seem to get it up when he’s with you.” Que the scene from ‘Friday’ when they say DAMN! Courtney stomps away while glaring at the two of us. “Fucking bitch.” Sarah mutters. “Calm down Boo. Her words mean nothing to me. She’s just trying to get under my skin. It’s not worth the fight.” I chuckle, trying to calm her down. “I don’t care. No one talks to my splinter bean like that.” She boops my nose. “You’re adorable. You still coming to the chateau later on today?” I asked. We can’t really hangout together, due to the feud between our families. Everyone has been talking about it on the island. The two most powerful and richest families on the island fighting, all because of Rafe Cameron. Of course, Sarah and I didn’t let this affect our friendship. We’re still two peas in a pod, like always.

“Yep. Kiara and I are planning on volunteering at the turtle exhibit before we head over there. You want to tag along?” She offered. “I’d love to, but I’m helping JJ study for his test.” Lately, I’ve been tutoring JJ and making sure he’s going to school. I want to make sure he graduates, plus I don’t want him getting in more trouble with his dad. So far, it’s paying off. His grades have gone up and he’ll be walking for graduation.

“Studying or fucking?” Sarah smirks mischievously. “Studying! Get your head out of the gutter!” The two of us laugh together as we walk outside, where JJ and his bike are parked. I peck his lips, despite receiving disgusted glares. “I’ll catch up with you two later. Have fun ‘studying’.” She winks, making us laugh. “How was your day?” He asked. I answered by kissing him sweetly. “Does that answer your question?” He licks his lips. “Don’t know. Might have to try again.” He says before planting another one on me. I can feel the burning gazes of my peers on us. “Jay, people are staring.” I giggle. “Let em. They need to know not to mess with my girl. C’mon.” He puts on my helmet before I hop on his back. The engine roars to life, only gaining more attention from my classmates. JJ notices and decides to flip them off before yelling, “Later losers!” I giggle as we drive off towards the cut.

The two of us sit and munch on our food as we continue to study at The Wreck. It’s pretty cute watching JJ do his homework. He always has his eyebrows knitted and his eyes are so concentrated. His blonde hair occasionally falls in front of his eyes. “You’re staring again baby.” He smirks. “I can’t help it. You’re just so handsome.” I play with the loose strand of his hair, making him blush. “Awe, am I making you blush?” I tease. “I don’t blush.” He denies with a playful serious face. “Yeah sure, let’s see your work.” I take the paper into my hands scanning the answers.

“Hey babe guess what.” He starts. “Oh, dear god. What is it?” I joked earning an eye roll from him. “So, you know that broken-down Chevy Camaro I have?” He asked. “Yeah, what about it?” I asked, while continuing to check his paper. “I’ve saved enough money to fix it up completely. John B and I even towed it to the chateau, since my dad wants nothing to do with it. Now, all I need to do is fix it up.” I look up, my eyes are filled with excitement. “Babe, that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you! You can finally have your own car!” He smiles cheek to cheek. “I know, but I don’t know if I want to spend the money on it.” This makes my smile falter a bit.

“What do you mean? You’ve been talking about fixing it up forever. It’s always been your dream car. You’ve been saving up to fix it since freshman year.” He just sighs. “I know, but I think I want to spend the money on something else.” He says. “Like what?” He stays silent for a moment. “I think I want to hire someone to find my mom.” He speaks softly. His words take me by surprise for a moment. “I thought about what you said about your dad hiring someone to find your sister. I thought maybe I could hire someone like that to find my mom. I know it’s stupid.” He fiddles with his pencil; I quickly take his hand in mine. “It’s not stupid to want to find out what happened to your mom. I think it’s a great idea to hire someone to find her. Hell, I’ll pay for the private investigator.” I suggest.

“No, I can’t ask you to do that.” He immediately protests. “You don’t have to. JJ, I want to do this. You deserve to know. Plus, I’d love to meet the woman who gifted me with such an amazing boyfriend.” This seems to make him crack a smile, but only for a second. “But what if she doesn’t want to see me?” His question broke my heart. “It’s worth a shot. The worst that can happen is that she doesn’t want to see you, which I doubt will happen. Based on everything you told me about her, she really loves you.” I try to reassure him. “If she really loves me, then why did she leave?” He mutters. I just sigh. “Some people make terrible mistakes. But that doesn’t mean they can’t learn from them. Maybe you can give her the chance to redeem herself.” He just sighs. “I still can’t ask you to pay for a P.I., they’re expensive, aren’t they?” He asked. “Yeah, but in the end it’ll be worth it. Please let me do this for you JJ. That way you can use the money to fix the car and see your mom. Trust me, it’ll all be worth it in the end. I love you, so let me do this for you.” I plead.

“Fine. At least let me pay for the meal this time though.” He gives in. “Deal! Pleasure doing business with you Mr. Maybank.” I say in a stern voice, earning a chuckle from him. “Come on silly goose. The Pogues are probably waiting for us. I don’t need them scolding us for being late.” He pays the bill in cash before walking me out and onto the bike.

We reach the chateau, where we see everyone hanging out on the porch. When we reach them, I notice that they’re looking through these photos. “What are you guys up to?” I asked curiously. “Just looking at some adorable pictures of us when we were kids. Look at the boys.” Kie lifts up a picture of younger Pope, JJ and John B at the beach. “Aw! You guys look so cute!” I exclaim holding the picture. “What can I say, I’ve always been quite the eye candy.” JJ smirks, earning a glare from me. “So, how did you guys meet?” I point between the boys. The three of them share a laugh. John B speaks up. “JJ and I met in the third grade. This kleptomaniac here stole one of my toy cars, so I chased him all over the cut until I finally caught him. This dumbass had climbed to the top of this tree and couldn’t get down, cause his foot was stuck. I offered to help him down, only if he’d give me back the car. He said yes and we’ve been best friends ever since. Pope here, we met him in the sixth grade. JJ would always cheat off of Pope, which always made the poor boy mad. Then one day at lunch, these eighth graders had ganged up on him. We noticed and started a food fight to help Pope. The three of us got detention. The rest I history.” John B and the boys smile at the fond memories.

“That’s cute.” I chuckle. Part of me wishes I got to know them when I was younger. I guess they’ve always been troublemakers. They’re pretty close knitted, making their bond unbreakable. “Alright guys. Are we fishing or what?” Asked JJ. As we make our way to the HMS Pogue, I start to feel slightly dizzy. “You good babe?” JJ asked concerned. “Yeah, my head just hurts a little. Probably dehydrated.” I shrug my shoulders, not thinking anything of it. “Here, have some water.” He hands me one out of the cooler. “You’re starting to sound like my mom.” I chuckle. “Hey, I like your mom. She’s pretty cool. Always makes lunch when for Pope and I when we deliver groceries. Tips me nicely too. Wish all kooks were like that.” JJ smiles to himself. “Damn, I need to start delivering groceries to your house.” Says John B. “You should man. She always has lunch packed for us on standby. She makes the best sandwiches. Usually she’ll have some strawberries, carrots and chips on the side. Sometimes, she’ll put a cookie in there too.” JJ rambles on about my mom. “She likes you to you know? She thinks you’re pretty handsome.” I mock my mom. “What can I say? Moms love me.” He smiles cheek to the cheek, making me roll my eyes.

So far, we were all having fun on the boat laughing, talking, etc. Everything was going perfectly normal until my headache started getting worse and worse. I continue to down my water, thinking I’m still dehydrated. Perhaps I’m just stressed from school? It doesn’t explain the sweating though. It was only a nice seventy degrees out, with a beautiful breeze, and I was just wearing a swimsuit. We stopped for a moment to take a dip in the water. It still didn’t help however. My head was still pounding and I was still sweating afterwards.

“Aria!” The sound of Pope’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “Huh?” I look over at the Pogues who looked at me with concerning faces. “I was asking if you were okay. You look a little pale.” He pointed out. Great. “Yeah I’m fine. Just dehydrated. I’ll grab another water.” I shake it off, thinking it was nothing. I was wrong though. I shouldn’t have thought it was nothing. The second I got up, I started to notice these peculiar spots in front of my eyes. I also couldn’t help but notice my shortness of breath as I made my way to the cooler. I had to stop walking for a moment just to catch my breath. “You alright babe?” JJ’s voice sounded faint. My vision began to go blurry as I stared at the water. “JJ, I don’t feel good. I think there’s something…” I didn’t get to finish my sentence before my vision goes completely dark and my body goes light.

Her body shuts down and falls to the ground. Her head thumps hard against the surface. The Pogues jump and gasp when they see their dear friend collapse. “Aria!” JJ shouts, rushing towards her unresponsive body. John B doesn’t think twice before racing the HMS Pogue back towards the chateau. “Aria! Baby! Hey! Wake up!” She doesn’t respond to his frantic yelling. That’s when he notices the blood on his hand coming from the gaping wound on her hand. “Oh shit! Fuck! Guys she’s bleeding!” JJ can feel the panic and fear finally setting in. His heart beating a thousand times faster.

Sarah comes running with a clean cloth and first aid kit in hand. Tears settle in her eyes and her hands shake as she applies it to the cut. “Okay. Okay. She gonna need stitches. We need to get her to the hospital. John B faster!” That’s what she said. Sorry. JB goes races through the marsh. “What the hell happened?” Kie asked. “I don’t know! She’s was fine all day until we got on the boat!” JJ exclaimed. The Pogues near the chateau. “John B! Help me get her to the van!” JJ demands. The two boys grab a hold of her body and carry her to the van. Kie jumps into the driver seat, with Pope in the front, and Sarah opens the side door. Once everyone is situated, Kie hits the gas, making her way to the hospital.

“Just hang on baby. We’ll be there soon I promise.” JJ’s voice and hands shook. The minutes felt agonizingly long as they raced to the hospital. A sigh of relief leaves the group of teenagers lips, when they finally reach their destination. The boys quickly grab a hold of Aria rushing her into the ER. Their desperate pleads can be heard throughout the ER, gaining everyone’s attention. A familiar face spots the two boys carrying the limp girl.

“Aria!” Elaine yelps and makes her way towards them, a gurney following behind. “What happened?!” She asked frantically as her daughter was placed on the journey and rushed through the halls. “We were hanging out, then all of the sudden she fainted and hit her head.” JJ explained, following them, until he was cut off by a few doctors. “You’ll have to wait out here son.” “No! That’s my girlfriend in there! I can’t leave her!” JJ ignores their orders, tears welling in his eyes. John B grabs a hold of his close friend. “JJ! She’s in good hands. She’s with her mom. She’ll be okay. I promise. Just breathe man.” JJ listens to his friend, finally catching his breath, yet he couldn’t help but worry over the love of his life as he stood there without her.

[bugaboosandbees]

Rally to the Queen

Okay. I know that I shouldn’t be starting anything else new, and I definitely won’t start actually writing this until I finish with my Reine Ruse AU, but I ended up getting so attached to my Bee!Kagami design (and so salty about Onichan!Kagami) that I ended up with a whole slew of headcanons about a post-Riposte Bee!Kagami Kagaminette AU.

I call it Rally to the Queen.

Here’s what goes down.

This takes place immediately after Riposte.

Marinette still feels really bad about judging the point wrong. She talks to Adrien to ask how Kagami is doing. He says that he thinks that she’s okay now, but Kagami was totally exhibiting some behaviors that he recognized as the son of a largely absent parent with absurd standards. He doesn’t have the time he’d like to have to check in on Kagami, so he also tells Marinette that it sounded like Kagami was under a lot of pressure at home and was afraid of her mother judging her for losing the fight.

Marinette, of course, feels terrible and her patented Dupain-Cheng-family we-must-adopt-everyone genes kick in, so she decides to track down Kagami’s home address to apologize formally and to make sure that Kagami’s mom knows what really went down.

When she gets there, she’s flustered and awkward as usual but good-hearted and although Kagami’s mom initially is not thrilled about the weird intrusion, she doesn’t hate Marinette.

Since she’s there, she and Kagami end up chatting either that day or some other time. Marinette mentions that she’s looking forward to trying out for the fencing team again the following year to learn aside Adrien and Kagami.

Kagami realizes that she took the only spot on the team. She’s not the sort to feel bad about this and wouldn’t normally, but Marinette was being so kind and she’d actually tried to stand up to her mother for her, so she offers to give her fencing lessons. (Maybe she covers it up as extra practice for her as she’s not really much of a touchy-feely person.)

Anyway, Marinette starts going to Kagami’s house once a week for fencing practice. She always brings fresh baked goods. I don’t think Kagami has many friends, especially with how intense we’ve seen her family to be and being so new to Paris, so she might not really know how to deal with Marinette’s brand of friendship at first.

They become really good friends. I actually think they really would if they spent any sort of time together in canon without misunderstandings and Adrien and sometimes somewhat suspect writing in the way. They are both determined, powerful young women with hearts of steel and an unstoppable drive towards something that they’re very passionate about. They’re both straightforward and value honesty and dislike liars. They would be an UNSTOPPABLE team.

I don’t think Sapotis happens in this AU. There’s no salt against Alya here, but I think it would be reasonable for Marinette avoid giving a miraculous to her best friend no matter how much she’d like to share being superheroes with her. This is because Alya is shown in season one especially to be very adamant about revealing Ladybug’s identity. This was even the main goal of her akumatized form, Lady Wifi. Marinette loves Alya deeply, but I think that there would be reasonable doubt there about whether or not Alya would be able to keep her own secret or if she would use her position as a sometimes-superhero to discover more about Ladybug. We’ve seen in canon that Marinette obviously hates lying to her best friend, so I think it’s reasonable to think that she wouldn’t manufacture a situation where she had to do so even more.

Also, even though Anasai technically took place before Queen’s Battle, just go with me here and assume it didn’t and that Style Queen was the first akuma that Ladybug needed help with. We know that she picked the Bee miraculous in Style Queen and, as Marinette is good friends with Kagami already in this AU, she definitely sees how much this miraculous would play to her friend’s strengths. They also fence together all the time, so Marinette knows how Kagami fights and wouldn’t have to learn a new teammate’s style in the middle of an already complicated fight. Since Kagami isn’t Alya, she wouldn’t already be at the Effiel tower and wouldn’t be turned to glitter by Style Queen, so Marinette would be able to safely get the Bee miraculous to her.

Ladybug and Mitsubachi are a deadly combination. Style Queen never stood a chance. Everything goes pretty smoothly and Ladybug is able to get the Bee miraculous back from Kagami without incident. (That being said, Marinette is a flustered bi mess and totally fumbled once or twice in the fight because damn, Kagami makes a deadly and attractive superhero.)

And because I’m a sucker for redeeming Chloe I am physically incapable of leaving her out of this AU. Oops, lol. Without Queen Bee, the Queen’s Battle arc would definitely have some pretty substantial changes. Chloe’s mom would still be being pretty awful and Chloe wouldn’t have gotten her hands on the Bee miraculous. She’d still have to be upset enough to get akumatized over her mom (so Gabe wouldn’t give up being Hawkmoth (also, he’d have only just learned that the Guardian was in Paris so that might be another incentive)) but she wouldn’t become Queen Wasp because she was never Queen Bee in the first place.

Instead, she becomes a different sort of version of @imthepunchlord ‘s Princess Amour akumanette concept. She just really wants to be loved. Maybe instead of having a Chat Noir “knight” as the akumanette had, some ladybug merch of her’s would hold the akuma and turn into a version of Ladybug that would help and protect and validate Chloe as her knight. After LB beats this akuma, she has an honest talk with Chloe that night because she could see that Chloe was really struggling and, despite their very checkered past couldn’t help but wanting to help.

Ladybug gives Chloe some advice and Chloe does her level best to live up to it in her day to day life. It’s a long hard road and it doesn’t come easily, but every once in awhile Ladybug will drop by and knowing that her heroine is proud of her gives Chloe the push she needs to change for the better.

I should also mention that I’m switching the places of the fox and peacock miraculouses in this AU. If we’re still working with the headcanon that Mr. and Mrs. Agreste used the miraculouses that Gabe has, it makes sense that they’d have the butterfly because everything we’ve been lead to believe indicates that it was a good fit for Mrs. Agreste. That being said, what we know of the Peacock makes no effing sense for Gabe. He’s creative, crafty, and not above playing dirty. That man is a fox through and through, you can’t change my mind. Therefore, Fu has the peacock and the fox is the damaged miraculous sitting in the Agreste safe.

This is relevant, I promise.

So, Ladybug and Chat Noir have worked with Mitsubachi quite a few times. She fits pretty effortlessly into the team dynamic but is definitely with Ladybug in taking the job super seriously and not always being down with Chat’s attitude.

Kagami and Marinette are still hanging out. Kagami is falling for Marinette and Marinette is falling for Kagami, but Marinette had confided in Kagami earlier about her crush on Adrien, so Kagami thinks that Mari is still in love with Adrien and Marinette doesn’t think Kagami would be interested in her, so there’s an awful lot of mutual pining going on.

Hawkmoth is escalating and Fu approves of Kagami after testing her himself, so she gets the Bee miraculous on a permanent basis.

With the extra help, it’s a while before Ladybug’s lucky charm calls for another hero, but, when it does, she needs the peacock. Maybe she was going for Alya with this one, but, being the Ladyblogger, Alya has already gotten herself into the conflict and trapped by the akuma. As she’s looking around, Ladybug spots (lol, get it?) Chloe trying to get Sabrina and some other people to safety, consequently getting trapped or something. She goes to save Chloe, and when Chloe thanks her, she starts to wonder. Chloe has taken a good, hard look at herself and really improved in the past few months. She’s not perfect yet, but no one is. And, you know what? Getting the Ladybug miraculous went a long way towards making her a better Marinette. Mind made up, she offers the Peacock to Chloe and a new hero appears. (I’m thinking of naming Chloe’s peacock form Tirisi or Vindex -- Greek or Latin for (roughly) defender/protector/champion. See my rant on why the peacock miraculous’ powers make sense for my reasoning.)

Chloe gives the miraculous back when Ladybug asks and keeps working to improve herself so that her heroine might someday trust her again. (She loved being able to have the power and agency to connect with and help others -- she really loved feeling strong enough to save others and is starting to feel more confident that she can save herself.) She doesn’t spill her identity and becomes a reliable second-string hero when Ladybug’s lucky charm demands her presence.

Eventually turtle!Sabrina will also come into this AU because she really, really deserves her own character development. (And @mystery-vixen ‘ s design and art and @pyrepyro ‘s art for Turtle!Sabrina is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen in my life.) Maybe it’s some sort of Anasasi situation where Chloe’s in trouble and Sabrina is doing her level best to rescue her as a civilian, idk. (For turtle!Sabrina I was thinking Bouclier or Jadeite, unless you guys have ideas?)

Anyway, eventually, everyone has their miraculouses permanently. (This probably happens after Gabe and Natalie break out the fox.) Endgame is Kagaminette and Chlobrina, two sets of deadly wlw protecting Paris along with the bi disaster Chat Noir who is 100% willing to THROW THE FUCK DOWN with anyone who doesn’t respect the ladies of the superhero team. Chat Noir totally gets along with the whole squad, by the way. Between the four of them, the ladies are great friends and life coaches to our cat boi and help him work through what unhealthy attitudes he has in a respectful and caring way. They adopt him and are always hugging Chat or even just lightly resting a hand on his shoulder since they discovered he was touch-starved. (Especially Ladybug and Tirisi. All four would cut a bitch for that boy, but they’re the most touchy-feely.)

(Eventually snake!Luka joins the squad and he and Chat Noir get together and it’s just a giant group of badass queer superheroes kicking ass and protecting Paris.)

They eventually beat Hawkmoth and Adrien and Luka become the next Guardians (They’d do a great job, fight me). Marinette and Kagami are too busy for that anyway. They got married and Marinette started the world’s most successful fashion line while Kagami set some sort of ridiculous record for the number of gold medals a single person can win in fencing. Chloe and Sabrina get married and (because of Chloe) end up adopting a ridiculous amount of kids that they care for and love unconditionally.

Happily Ever After and The End. :)

Thanks for listening to my rant!

[queenofthefullmoon]

An exhaustive list of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin bosses I would or would not date

The Last Giant

Listen… The Last Giant has No Face. I like dating people who have faces. Also, his arms detach and he’s like, at least 10 meters taller than me, so I think that would be a hazard. I think he’s more in need of a friend than a romantic partner. I’d gladly sit down with him and discuss his feelings, but we are not meant to date.

The Pursuer

The Pursuer is great because he’s just so… Rotund. He’s shaped like a friend. Or maybe… More than a friend… He’s got a biggass sword that glows blue, which is great if you need to get up at night to get water or a snack, and a big shield he can use to protect you from the hot Drangleic sun when you’re on a date. You never have to worry about losing him because HE WILL FIND YOU. I think he’s a catch.

Dragonrider

He almost didn’t make it in the list of bosses I would date, but encountering him so often made me have a soft spot for him. Plus he’s a little bit round and I’ve gotta say. Rotundness is where it’s at. He’s fun to fight so I feel like you could have some fun jousts together and then chill… And go, like, I don’t know, ride dragons*? Fun couple activities.

*although dragonrider is his name I’m not sure we saw any dragonrider ride a dragon so this is a shot in the dark

Old Dragonslayer

The Old Dragonslayer has a very sexy armor, I’ll give him that, but he 1. Has a furry mask (a terrible fashion faux pas that I cannot forgive) 2. Is just sitting in the Cathedral of Blue while a DRAGON is outside, unslayed, which says something about the quality of his work. I had to kill the dragon myself, while the Old Dragonslayer was sitting around… Being old, I guess. Not for me.

Flexile Sentry

DISGUSTING AND WRONG.

Ruin Sentinel

The Ruin Sentinels are arguably the sexiest armor bosses in all of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin. Something about these long lads and their eldritch identities and behaviors just tickles me the right way. The shape of their helmets looks a little bit like a turtle which gives them just enough cuteness while not taking away from the fact that I’m absolutely terrified of them and that they are in fact very scary (which is good). They’re also very tall which means they can carry me around and make me feel tall too. Definitely a good thing in a partner.

Belfry Gargoyles

I wouldn’t date the Belfry Gargoyles, but I’d be friends with them. I feel like they’d be fun at a sleepover. Girl’s night! Girl’s night!

Lost Sinner

I’d date the Lost Sinner. It might be a little bit controversial because yes she is a little bit nasty, I’m aware of that, but I think she just needs a little bit of company. I don’t want to change her, I love her right like she is, but if she wants me to teach her how to shower, I might just do it! I am a little bit biased because she’s got a big sword that looks really cool? Perhaps.

Executioner’s Chariot

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Skeleton Lords

I think the Skeleton Lords are neat but I don’t really see myself dating them. Firstly, I’m not a skeleton fucker, so that puts a little bit of distance between us (given that they are in fact skeletons). They also have an army of skeleton children, which I’m just not ready to raise. I’m trying to find a date, not to become a skeleton mom. I feel like we’d be great friends though, I’d probably invite them over so they can practice their standup routine at my house while they leave their 30 skeletons children with the babysitter and we can like drink wine or something.

Covetous Demon

I would not date the Covetous Demon, but I would keep him as a mean dog in my yard to discourage my enemies from entering my property.

Baneful Queen Mytha

I’d be all here for the sniddies if Mytha kept her head on her neck but alas she is headless. 

Smelter Demon

Mh… Yes. He’s big and large and he’s got horns. He could put me up on his shoulder and walk around and I’d be warm up there. Sounds like nothing but a good time.

Old Iron King

Ngghghhh….. I wanna say no but he is Ripped… Absolutely jacked! I’m also a hoe for horns and wings! What can I say. Call me out if I ever make fun of scalies again? (im gonna do that like in a few paragraphs anyway)

Scorpioness Najka

Given the fact that her own fiancé, made miserable by her, asks you to murder her, I don’t think Najka is a fine romantic partner. In addition to that, even though I was here for sniddies, scorpions are scary and gross me out, so no, I would not date Scorpioness Najka.

The Duke’s Dear Freja

She’ll remain dear to the Duke only and she is NOT invited in my yard.

Royal Rat Authority

Wouldn’t date the big rat that makes all of the rules, but similarly to the Covetous Demon, having him on my property to scare people away would be pretty neat.

Prowling Magus and The Congregation

Prowling Magus has a SICK aesthetic I can absolutely get behind (« look at my cool sorcerer boyfriend wearing his goat helmet ») and I’ve stated before I Am a Hoe for horns so we could have something going on.

The Congregation is however BANNED from this house so since they’re probably his buddies that would most likely be a point of tension. Ultimately it might be better for me to keep a platonic relationship with Prowling Magus, as I do not want hollows to crawl on my floor when he invites his friends over.

The Rotten

Oh no lol

Looking Glass Knight

NNNYES absolutely I would date the Looking Glass Knight. He’s not only really cool looking and a Very Dramatic Man (standing in the rain when you meet him… the scenery… the atmosphere… he knows how to make an entrance), but he’d also be a great person to bring with you for a night out.

Exhibit A: he’s really fucking tall and scary which would dissuade anyone from approaching you uninvited

Exhibit B : he carries a FULL BODY mirror around everywhere which means you can fix your hair and/or makeup at any time without needing a shitty pocket mirror or going to the bathroom

Exhibit C : if you need help he can summon a limitless amount of people through his mirror

Just a great partner all around.

Demon of Song

Ohhhhhh noooooo Lord nooooooooooooooo please! Please spare me

Velstadt, the Royal Aegis

Velstadt is very loyal (a real man for following Vendrick all the way to the Undead Crypt) and he’s also very tall, very large, very strong, and very stylish (see the scales cape he wears). I would’ve put him at the top of the date list, but he’s no dating material — he’s husband material. A little downside is that he might put his job before me but I get it. It’s career before everything. I will not limit my husband’s ambitions.

King Vendrick

Vendrick is taken by an eldritch entity and still very much in love with her despite the fact that she destroyed his kingdom and brought the entire civilization down and also caused him to become a war criminal and kill a pacific race of giants all on his own like a big boy so I’m not very interested in him.

Guardian Dragon & Ancient Dragon

I’m putting them together because they essentially boil down to the same thing : I’d offer them a home but I wouldn’t date them. The Guardian Dragon can stay outside and be feral with everyone else that I put in the yard, while the Ancient Dragon can have his own room and like is invited for tea sometimes, but that’s all.

Giant Lord

See Last Giant

Throne Defender & Watcher

I’m a little bit torn on this one because I’m experiencing bisexual panic. We’ve got cool large dude with a beard ; cool slender lady that jumps around everywhere ; they could both beat me up and they both look hot, help me. However, I have to say if I had to pick I’d got with the Throne Watcher because she is hot and looks slightly cooler. I’ve always wanted a very tall wife who could suplex me into the sun, which she could do in a heartbeat.

On the other hand, they do look like a power couple that I’d love to have for dinner and I’d hate to break them up while there are so many fish in the sea and they look so great with each other.

Nashandra

Human Nashandra looks pretty and soft, however anyone who witnessed my first blind playthrough of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin will tell you that she did not have me fooled and I was very wary of her from the beginning. Anyone who has witnessed my first fight with her looking very skeletal will also tell you that I screamed « WHAT IS THAT » for at least 5 minutes, so that probably gives you an idea of if I’d date her or not.

Also, her weapon of choice is a scythe, which looks cool, but is very unpractical, and just for this fatal mistake, she becomes undatable.

Darklurker

Wings… Four arms = twice the hugs… Cool hood… Yes…

Elana the Squalid Queen

She’s nasty and told me I was undeserving of the mire, which is pretty mean of her. Even if she thinks it, she could at least be nice about it. I would not date her.

Sinh the Slumbering Dragon

Sinh is BANNED from this house because he’s not just feral, he’s RABID and POISONOUS and if I let him live in the yard he could poison my entire property and I do not want that.

Fume Knight

Alas! The Fume Knight looks really cool and has a pretty sexy armor, but tales say that he was infatuated with another woman (whether he met her when she was already an Ashen Idol or not remains a mystery but I’m no one to judge his taste in women). I respect people’s crushes so I will let him be in love with whoever he fancies and they may come over for dinner, as long as they behave.

Aava, Lud and Zallen, the King’s pet

They are very welcome to live in the yard. They may come inside the house, but they are not allowed on the couch.

Burnt Ivory King

No… He loved his wife very much… I’d invite them over for dinner and MAYBE try to seduce one of his knights (they have sexy armors, what can I say).

Aldia, Scholar of the First Sin

Aldia is a weird dude and I wouldn’t feel safe around him. I think he’d probably kidnap me while I’m asleep and go do some experiments on me in his cursed mansion. It’s a no from me chief. Not to mention the fact that he’s a… tree?

Afflicted Graverobber, Ancient Soldier Varg, and Cerah the Old Explorer

I wouldn’t date them, even though their armors are pretty sexy, simply because they seem like a good group of friends and I wouldn’t feel comfortable inserting myself in the group. I think I’d even be too shy to befriend them, but if they wanna come by my house and have a good time, they’re welcome to do so.

Blue Smelter Demon

See Smelter Demon, but with more vigor because this one is blue.

Sir Alonne

Yeah… he’s got the eldritch factor that I like in the Ruin Sentinels while also seeming more human and he’s also a pretty stylish man. I feel like he’s one of the strongest contestants in the game and he wouldn’t mind my long nose, as he’s got one himself. Pretty sexy armor and he is a man of honor. Definitely a yes.

[girlbookwrm]

It’s here! At last!  THE MIGHTY PRE ENDGAME REWATCH CONTINUES, WITH:

AKA IS IT MY BIRTHDAY? YES. YES IT IS.

(or it was at any rate, it took me Some Time to get this all typed up because holy fuck it’s long. looks like i’ve got Some Feelings about The Winter Soldier. WHO KNEW)

ANYWAY, if you’re wondering what the hell this is all about i’ve been rewatching all the marvel movies (and commentating on them) in preparation for Avengers: Endgame and NOW IT IS TIME FOR MY FAVORITE ONE

I got @goteamwin​ and @pegasuschick​ here IT’S A PARTY! WE GOT COOL RANCH DORITOS AND BRAINWASHED SUPERSOLDIERS LET’S DO THIS.

Day 912: i still miss the old marvel logo

LISTEN THIS IS THE BEST OPENING SCENE IN MARVEL HISTORY FIGHT ME.

“~on your left ;)~” honestly? iconic.

God Bless Steven Grant Rogers and his Smedium Shirts.

Steve, known bisexual disaster, is hitting on Sam here. this isn’t even in question, right? Sam’s quip about “making me look good to the girl at the front desk” was a soft rejection and Steve takes it like a champ.

Important to note: the black widow uses emojis in her text messages. 

Also important to note: Sam Wilson hits on the Black Widow because he flies into combat at 100 miles per hour wearing a tee-shirt and dad jeans he fears nothing not even death itself

also also important to note that The Roommate went to see this movie by herself, low key cosplaying as Fem!Cap. she did this in part because I had gone to see it first (i was in the UK at the time, and it came out over there before it came out in the US. ~IRONY~) and as soon as I got back from seeing it (i had low-key cosplayed as fem!Hawkeye. it’s a long story) I emailed her and was like O HAI U SEEN DIS? U WILL LIKE IT. ~and she dii-iiiiiid.~

every time i see this scene now, i hear that bit from the gag real.

cevans: Kill the engines. wait for instructions. *whining and stamping his foot* cuz i’m in chaaaaaaaarge.

Being asked about your dating life and then immediately jumping out of an airplane is a Big Mood

I would like us all to appreciate that steve put a nice matte stealth finish on his patriotic dinner plate, special for this mission. 

Also, we’re all agreed that Steve kills at pool, yeah? Give me Steve being a pool shark at the local watering hole plz n thank.

Steve: *punches a guy through the shield*

The Roommate: but why does he punch that guy through the shield?

Me, having a Terrible Thought: Maybe one time he accidentally punched through a guy’s face and ever since then he uses the shield as, like, a buffer when he wants to take people alive.

The Gal Pal: WOW. YOU WENT THERE.

parkour!

~Hey Sailor ;)~

that one guy working for Batroc really needs to lay off the steroids, or whatever is giving him this Unnecessary Rage. You know the guy I mean.

love how batroc is jchilling and then WHAM! IT IS I! AMERICA!

ON! VA! VOIR!

did he learn this from Dernier? he learned this from Dernier.

The Gal Pal: that is a ridiculously huge flash drive

Me, Just Now: overcompensate much?

Nat’s little eyeroll after Steve says “you’re damn right”

The Roommate: Nat is So Tired of Steve’s Drama™. And now she’s going to have to deal with his cold shoulder the whole flight back, and she’s going to have no one to talk to but Rumlow and uggghhhhhh

Steve comes into Fury's office and Damn. Dat Ass.

The Roommate: They know what they're doing here.

eyyyyyy tony’s in this movie (kinda)

I love that Steve just like, drives around with the shield on his back. 

Enter The Smithsonian.

The Roommate: I! LOVE! THIS! SO! MUUUUUUCH!!!

Me: Gee sure would be nice to be able to go to a smithsonian right now.

*american sobbing intensifies*

The Roommate: what is the timeline here? does he come straight back from the mission into yelling at fury? and then straight here?? Is Steve just like “oop time to go look at my old stuff and Emote”? Is this his routine??

buckyyyyyyyyyyy

listen yall know the extent of my BuckRogers feels but every time they pull out that compass i develop a terrible case of The Steggies.

“It’s just not the same” ha ha kill me.

~So Dramatic ;)~

“Steve?” HA HA HA KILL ME

Fury’s Computer:

At This Juncture The Commentators Would Like It Noted That It Has Been 23 Solid Minutes of Stuff We 1000% L O V E and everyone’s favorite brainwashee has not even appeared yet.

but he’s coming

s o o n

Also, we all hate Alexander Pierce but he is a great villain and also Robert Redford might be an older fella but he can definitely still get it heyooo

Steve is so awkward here. But like, imagine him actually going to one of these VA things, like everyone’s all “ied this, helicopter that” and steve’s just like “so one time in ‘44 i punched my way into a panzer”

The Roommate, Who Is Sometimes More Evil Than Me: ~NOW IS AN EXCELLENT TIME TO REMEMBER THAT RILEY WASN’T IN A PLAAAAAANE~

at this moment, the DC driving types lost their goddamn minds.

“WHAT IS THIS? WHERE IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE? WHERE, IN WASHINGTION, THE DISTRICT OF GODDAMN COLUMBIA, IS THERE THIS LITTLE TRAFFIC, HUH??”

“You wanna see my lease?” i c o n i c. 

Did you know that SLJ was an actual Black Panther? I did not know this, but as soon as the Gal Pal told me, i was like “oh yeah that checks out.”

meanwhile, the couch based road rage continued all around me.

“This part of DC ~DOES NOT EXIIIIIIIIIIIIST~”

“Traffic alert? on the Roosevelt Bridge? Yeah in other news WATER IS WET.”

“wait is he getting on 66? ARE YOU GETTING ON 66?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???”

“Have you ever even been on 495?????”

HE’S HERE!!!

just like, damn gurl, u make that highway ur catwalk. 

Me: What the hell kind of laser pointer do you have there, Nick?

The Gal Pal & The Roommate: It’s A Lightsaber.

The Roommate: So is this just like? An Average Day In The Life Of Captain Rogers? Get up, go for a run, annoy a veteran, fly to the other side of the world, kick ass, fly home, talk back to a superior officer, drop my priceless shield off at home, go emote at a smithsonian exhibit, have my heart ripped out by my nonagenarian ex, go flirt with annoy a veteran (part two, now with added Feelings™) go home, get rejected by my neighbor, CHASE A FUGITIVE.

JUST ANOTHER DAY! IN THE LIFE OF STEVEN GRANT ROGERS!!

honestly his neighbors must hate him

that’s why Sharon’s his neighbor, everyone else LEFT.

The Biggest Flash Drive

Let’s Not Forget, that because she is undercover as a nurse, Sharon probably just kicked that door down with crocs.

YOU’RE WELCOME

let’s appreciate that the Soldier’s theme music is just SCREAMING and also you should know that every time it comes on, the Gal Pal and I start SCREAMING. not, like, in an “oh we’re excited” way, just, like, the way you sing along to the theme song of your favorite TV show, you know?

PARKOUR!

The Roommate: good job with your eyeliner there, buddy. You Did Your Best.

The Gal Pal: That Is Dupont Circle and Steve is Extremely Gay. 

(yes, we know he’s bi.)

Natasha really should know better than to believe that Nick is dead.

THAT IS THE WORST PLACE TO HIDE THE FLASH DRIVE

The Gal Pal: genuinely, it’s such a bad hiding place it stresses me out.

The Roommate: Yeah, what was he thinking? I mean, was his logic just that no one likes that gross bubblegum?

Me: UM WHAT?

The Gal Pal: EXCUSE YOU THAT IS BUBBLE YUM.

The Roommate: ... yeah but it’s the gross bubblegum flavor?

At this point we lost a few minutes to divide into Pro and Anti Bubblegum Camps and then had to run the movie back because we missed:

~Neighbor ;)~

i c o n i c

The Roommate: Sir. Stop Having That Face. That is Illegal.

(she is having A Difficulty. The Difficulty is cevans’ jawline)

But seriously: What actually happens in this scene? We are all Steve and we all want to punch our way out of this confusing conversation.

God that face/those tits/that ass tho

Young Man. You Stop That.

THE ELEVATOR SCENE. I mean how many movies can say that some of their best scenes happen in an elevator? That alone is a real accomplishment.

They’re all ~soooo casual~ and then there’s rollins, who isn’t even trying. “records.” These WWE wrestlers are not going to records, come on.

at this point we stopped commentating except in inarticulate whoops of delight and shrieks of glee. except for one brief aside

Me: This scene is so sexy, but like, not in a sexy way? Like, the fighting style isn’t that “oooo I’m fighting in a sexy way” it’s just, it’s so...!

The Roommate: Primal?

and I regret to inform you all that yes, she is 100% Correct, it is indeed sexy in a primal way.

“whoa big guy”

i just.

that’s all i got on that

tiny turtle of freedom

we had the subtitles on, and it just says “woman screams” Screams in what? JOY? 

It’s raining men! Hallelujah!

“Stand down, Captain Rogers! Stand! Down!

Captain Rogers: *accelerates*

They’re being made to watch social media so what I want to know is which poor SHIELD guy got stuck monitoring tumblr?

“oh we’re getting all kinds of hits but uhhhhhhhhh they’re not......... pertinent..............”

why doesn’t The Biggest Flash Drive have a cap? it is now full of crumbs. it’s full of crumbs, guys. if it’s going to be that big it should at least be one of those cool slider ones.

“Are you calling for my resignation? do you know who i am? Bitch I Am Robert Redford.”

Apple Store Aaron. “hey guys why’s your flash drive so big??”

“yeeeah. we’re getting married.”

Honeymoon destinations -- where are you going?

Steve: (without thinking, reads the first thing he sees) New Jersey

Steve: *dies a little inside*

Steve: *forgive me bucky for i have sinned*

I love that they’re coming out and Steve is 100% tactical brain and then Nat’s just like “put your arm around me and laugh” and when it works Steve just looks back over his shoulder like:

oh my god it worked???

sPyING is WitCHCraFT?????

“was that your first kiss since 1945?”

��That was not my first kiss since 1945,” said Steven Grant Rogers, Who Is Definitely Lying, and Furthermore, Is Fooling Exactly No One.

Sidenote: Ship and let ship, obviously and always, but I love Steve and Nat as BROS too much to ever see them romantically, The Bromance Is Strong With Them.

it’s been said before, but it’s worth saying again

Steve: kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience.

Bucky, ten minutes later, wearing bondage gear: HELLO IT IS I

SKINNY STEVE!

of course he memorized the army regulations.

Listen. The cell phone trick Bugs Me™ and the only thing that lets me get through it is the idea that they cleverly cut around natasha standing there for 40 minutes trying out every possible permutation of those numbers, with possible duplications.

I like the idea that Computer!Zola has been building this little fanvideo since the mid-seventies and he’s just! so excited! to show it to someone!

Steve punching the screen is another Big Mood.

“even captain america and the black widow can’t survive a missile Directly To The Face” BITCH U THOUGHT

it’s nice that they give bucko a kirk light here

~u want some milk? ;)~

honestly, what the fuck even is that line.

they made Robert Redford say that line.

what does it mean

YOUNG MAN! THAT IS! ILLEGAL!

altho tbh i want a slightly grubby Steve in a tank top to give me a pep talk, like, every day. that would be fine.

The Gal Pal, A Curly Haired Individual: hhhhhhhow did Natasha straighten her hair. This makes me So Angry.

Me: I mean, I like to imagine her with Sam’s Iron and ironing board, just like *mimes frantically ironing hair with a Very Soviet Expression*

Fort Meade is the best scene that isn’t in the movie.

Aw Gary Shandling’s here. Awwwww Gary Shandling...

Sam, are you intimidating this guy or flirting with him?

To Those who remember the Potato/Gremlin Scale, I propose a third option, a kind of venn diagram situation going on, where the third option is Fey Creature. Sam is neither Potato nor gremlin, but he might be a Fey Creature.

God I love this scene.

LOOK AT SAM HERE: No armor, no flightsuit, no fucking knee pads no goddamn helmet just Casual Dad Falcon, Suns Out Guns Out.

Steve: What the fuck’s an SAT.

he’s coming.

*SCREAMING*

he’s here.

is it murder or is he modeling?? “you got this Soldier, make ‘em wait for it... Boom.”

this is the greatest fight scene of all time, honestly. This and then the fight scene in the first RDJ holmes movie are the Only fight scenes i can even remotely stand to watch. Except maybe some of the bending battles in ATLA. but this scene. this is top of the list. it’s just. *kissy chef fingers*

Soldier strolling along not firing his weapon because he has no shot and he is a Child of the Depression who don’t waste no bullets.

only loses his cool when Widow Breaks his stuff.

Sam Wilson: Brings a pocket knife to an automatic rifle fight and wins.

“go, I got this!”

aw yeah you do

THAT STRUT™

Soldier strolling along the street. so bored. could be home watching project runway.

That thing Soldier does with the arm Does Things to me for reasons that I choose not to examine too closely

ANYWAY WE DON’T HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT.

“who the hell is bucky” wow there Soldier you went from Full Russian to American Accented English awfully quick I Wonder Why

Soldier’s reaction to confusion is to Immediately Shoot and honestly that’s a Big Mood.

We are all agreed that the only reason SHIELD succeeds in taking Steve in is because

look at that face

steve’s not here right now, please leave a message.

More DC Area Rage: “WHERE IS THIS DAM? WHERE??”

natasha y r u surprised that Fury is alive?

oh noooooooooooo it’s time for this scene

OHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOO

Robert Redford to James Buchanan Barnes: You are a literal treasure.

OH NO OH NO OH NO

The Roommate: yeahhhhh this was maybe an. inappropriate scene for me to have to see in a theater. alone.

I love that while they’re making this ridiculous plan (yeah it’s ridiculous, i don’t care) Fury has to check in with Sam (WHO HE HAS LITERALLY NEVER MET BEFORE) presumably to just touch base and be like “Is this White Nonsense™?”

spoiler alert it is not White Nonsense™, but it definitely is Extra™

DAT JAWLINE THO. of course he’s giving the orders, LOOK AT THAT JAWLINE

LIL STEEB!

I’m with you to the end of the line.

what kind of marriage vow nonsense is that

jesus.

anyway, Sam comes in like: IT IS I! YOUR BEST FRIEND! YOUR BEST FRIEND IS ME NOW!

poooterrrr!!

This is the second secure government facility that they have broken into. Possibly the third, depending whether you count the bunker.

Dem Asses. Seriously. Everyone in this shot has an enviable ass. *distinguished golf clapping* bravo

“~Excuse us~” i c o n i c

God, Steve gives this speech and then we get sam’s reaction and you can physically see him having a sexual identity crisis and honestly BIG MOOD THERE, SAM

I have questions about the effect of this on the potomac river which has already had a hard enough time and does not deserve this Supervillain Nonsense.

you are ON FOOT steven. it is a FLYING AIRCRAFT CARRIER and you are ON! FOOT!

i’m so mad that it works too

mad, but like, also turned on. duh.

what’s cap’s true superpower? DRAMA

The saddest thing in this movie is that Jenny Agutter is Scarlet Johansson

don’t get me wrong, i like scarjo but this movie would’ve been even better if it wasn’t the black widow and was just a badass old british lady.

The Roommate: Sam’s superpower is that he’s the sane one.

Me: He flies into combat at 100 miles per hour with a jet pack and a tee shirt he is not the sane one.

The Roommate: Sam’s superpower is that he’s the emotionally balanced one?

Me: given the aforementioned armorless airborne combat situation that is highly fucking debatable my dude.

*SCREAMING*

HE’S HERE

let’s appreciate that Bucky is definitely flying this quinjet with a dead guy that he just murdered as his copilot.

i don’t know why that is so badass to me but it is

again, we don’t have time to unpack all of that, moving on.

Nick Fury: BITCH YOU THOUGHT

sidenote: i’m gonna really enjoy coming back to this movie after Captain Marvel. I can just feel it.

Maria is so casual about this. And that is an extremely sexy thing. I’m not sorry.

“Hey Sam, I’m gonna need a ride.”

Sam is still learning Rogersese and does not know that this means “I ALREADY DID THE STUPID THING PLEASE COME GET ME.”

Bucky ripping the wings off a beautiful butterfly

because Sam IS a beautiful butterfly.

except now his knees and legs and ankles are all broken because That’s How Bones Work.

he’s here

lol of course he’s got a knife.

I just love the sounds the arm makes.

butwedon’thavetimetounpackallofthat

the slide Bucky does here, this isn’t combat this is voguing.

Steve fights like the world is his barroom, bucky fights like the world is his catwalk.

“DON’T YOU TALK TO MY DAUGHTER LIKE THAT,” Nicholas J Fury

what’s the found family version of a BroTP? I have that for Dad!Nick and Adopted!Soviet!Assassin!Daughter!Natasha.

found familotp? FFOTP? no, that sounds like some kind of tactical asset. “LAUNCH THE FFOTP”

anyway, get on this tumblr, i want at least 10 options on my desk by monday.

This Extra. He could honestly make a living playing Confederates and Klansmen, you know which extra I mean.

“wHere ahre the tahrgets?”

the targets... is we.

A DC Local Aside: Everyone on 495 is So Tired of this nonsense. I sincerely hope they all remembered to pee before they left work. I hope they have snacks and water in their cars. because they now live on 495.

this shitshow is gonna fuck up our already extremely fucked up traffic patterns for yeeeeaaaaarrrrrssssss

Sam’s a born quipper, so i really like it when he sees the helicarrier coming down and just fucking bolts. NO TIME FOR SASS WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE

“Got a location on Rogers?”

Don’t know where he is, but he’s doing something stupid, i Guarantee It.

“you know me.”

“nNOo I dOn’T!”

Oh Steve. You put that shield down So Often. And you keep having to fucking pick it up a-fucking-gain.

And This Was The Moment When We All Realized That We Were In Trouble.

Big Mood, Bucky. Big Mood.

Sam wasn’t on the approved visitor’s list or anything, he just winked at one (1) nurse and they let him in.

i know just what to say it’ll annoy him so fucking much. “on your left.”

“Why haven’t we heard from Captain Rogers?”

Because he is taking a damn nap.

no but seriously, because if we put him in front of a camera right now, you will get the Talking To of the Century.

*eight hours later, congress is crying, hydra has surrendered, fox news is shutting down, steve rogers is still going strong* “AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON STUDENT DEBT!”

~cool guys don’t look at congressional meltdowns. They drop the mic and they walk away~

IT WAS CLEVELAND, IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.

THEY FILMED IN CLEVELAND.

(they did film some in DC, obviously, but also cleveland.

*emoting at exhibits intensifies*

*SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*

in sum i have been typing for Too Long and I’m going to hit post so i can Go To Bed but there may need to be Corrections in the morning who tf knows

[avelera]

If it's not to late, I'd love to see your take on the soft prompt “You haven’t laughed in a long time, and I guess I was staring ‘cause I forgot how that looked like.”

To the shock of absolutely no one, this got longer than I expected. I hope you enjoy! 

Edit: I actually posted this on the wrong prompt, mea culpa! 

You can find the full series that goes with this fic here.

Ship: Newt/Hermann

Fandom: Pacific Rim (post-Uprising)

Words: 3,150

—

Stay

The final days of the infection were brutal. The Precursors had lost their hold over Newt bit by bit as the time stretched since his last Drift with the hive mind, but that only seemed to make them more desperate.

At times, Hermann truly feared they’d shake Newton apart, or simply kill him out of spite as they struggled and clawed after their waining control. No one dared let Newt out of his cell even as his lucid moments stretched, in case they chose that moment to come roaring back. The effort of will to force them back down again often left Newton trembling and bathed in sweat.

It had been three months since his last incident when the PPDC dared to let him out of the quarantine to walk under his own power to the medical bay for the final scans. The first scans upon his capture had shown a storm of activity in his cerebrum, it was a wonder Newt hadn’t had a stroke from the level of chaos of two consciousnesses fighting for control of his body. Hermann’s knuckles were white from gripping his cane as he waited for the results, watching the doctors as they consulted the images while Newt sat in the locked holding room, looking down at his folded hands.

He was quieter these days than Hermann ever remembered, one might even say subdued. The Newton he had known could never sit still for ten minutes, much less an hour, without jiggling his leg, interjecting some comment, doodling, or tapping out a melody with his fingers. Perhaps it was one mark of his ordeal, a scar, that he had learned silence.

Hermann was Newton’s designated caretaker, had been officially since Newt’s first lucid moment when he’d squeaked out an affirmative from beneath the weight of their control, enough to count as consent. The doctors came to Hermann first now, and he struggled to his feet, as ungainly as a turtle rolling off its shell in the rush to see the scans. Newt watched him, he could feel his eyes through the glass, a twitch of apprehension in the tightening of his jaw.

“The scans are clear, for the most part,” said the doctor, a Dr. Abadi, a distinguished woman a few years older than Hermann. She gestured to a cloud of activity on the scan. “When Jaeger pilots who have lost their partner exhibit this level of activity, we generally consider them out of the woods with regards to suicide risk or other dangerous behavior. Most described the echo of their partner as manageable at that point, an intrusive thought rather than a controlling impulse. Dr. Geiszler’s situation is unusual but, combined with observation, I would consider this grounds to recommend his return to civilian life. Albeit with regular check-ins and light observation, which you would be qualified to carry out, Dr. Gottlieb.”

Hermann exhaled slowly to try to control the spike of his heartbeat, the leap of hope. “When would that be?”

“We could release him into your custody now if you keep to your residence on the base,” Abadi said. “Going beyond these grounds however would require further clearance from the PPDC.”

At those words, Hermann felt suddenly dizzy. He muttered his way through the rest of the paperwork, guides, and assurances by the doctor, but could not stop stealing glances at Newton in the next room. It felt like an eternity before the door was unlocked and he was left alone with Newton.

“So, what’s the damage?” Newt said lightly but his shoulders tensed. They were always dancing around each other, careful not to delve too deeply into what existed between them. Things like the fact that Hermann knew the only time Newton cried the day of the attacks was when his fingers were wrapped around Hermann’s throat. That Newton knew Hermann had moved heaven and earth to ensure Newton was captured and not killed, and had spent every waking moment since working towards his treatment and eventual freedom. That Newton had put himself entirely into Hermann’s hands without hesitation. That in the end, when Newton was finally cleared, they would both…

Hermann cleared his throat. “We can go home now.”

“… Home?” Newt’s eyebrows furrowed in question, as if he hadn’t heard right.

“You’ve been cleared. Do you need anything from your… from your old quarters?”

“From my cell? No! Wait, are you kidding me?” Newt jumped to his feet. Once, Hermann might have expected him to punch the air, whooping or dancing at the news but he stopped there, a grin threatening his lips. Composure. Newt never had that before, either. “I’m never going the fuck back there again. Burn it. I’ll just wear your clothes. Uh… can I borrow some of your clothes? And there’s not gonna be, like, a line painted down the middle of your place, right?”

Hermann snorted, an excellent cover for the sudden lump in his throat. “I’ll happily sacrifice a portion of my wardrobe if it means never seeing that dreadful prison getup again. Which is to say, ah… what’s mine is yours.” He stuttered over the last. Newton met his eye and he knew it clearly as if Newton had spoken that this was it, the moment where they had to finally come to a decision on what they were to one another. It was one thing to tend a friend and colleague through a time of crisis, another to open up his home to that man while he got back on his feet…

But for the first time ever they’d have privacy. There’d be no cameras, no recording devices. No risk that Hermann offering a kind word could be used to wrest Newton’s custody away from him for fear that he couldn’t offer impartiality. For the first time since… since he couldn’t remember how long, perhaps a few moments in the dreadful lead up days to the attack when he still dwelled in ignorance, perhaps when Newton’s hand was wrapped around his throat, they would truly be alone together in a room.

Hermann offered his hand. A stiff, awkward gesture that he half-wished he could pass of as a muscle twitch if Newton didn’t take it. What were they to each other? What could they be?

Newton regarded the hand for a moment before his fingertips slide over Hermann’s palm to take it. Hermann wasn’t sure if he should be surprised that he did.

—

Hermann stood silently by after they entered the flat, to give Newt time to acclimate to the new surroundings, sparse as they were. Living alone, Hermann hadn’t seen much point in bedecking his living quarters. They were simple, functional, containing mostly books and work papers, furniture to accommodate his disability, and one of the Kaiju figurines Newton had left behind when he left for Shao Industries, perched on the corner of a bookshelf beside his desk. It was single level and so could become cramped  before long with two grown men who were not, strictly speaking, together in any way that Hermann might secretly hope. They weren’t there yet. They might never be. Newton might just take the time to get on his feet before seeking out new accommodations and privacy. The thought shouldn’t squirm in Hermann’s chest the way it did.

Finally, Newt sat on the bed and stretched his arms above his head luxuriously. “Fuck it’s good to get a change of scenery. Are you hungry? We could order a pizza. God, I would murder for a pizza.”

Hermann snorted despite himself and took a seat beside Newton on the bed. Newt doesn’t move away which is, in itself, a comfort. “It is a military base, but there are some alternatives to the cafeteria, yes.”

Silence lapsed between them, and he could tell by the fidgeting of Newt’s fingers and the pursing of his lips that it’s one where he would like to say something but can’t find the words. Hermann found himself in very much the same situation. He felt as if he were floating above the full impact of having Newt here, beside him in his home, with a clean bill of health that means that to the best of Earths’s abilities, he’s been determined to be clear, finally, of the Precursors influence. After ten years. Ten years of whatever torments they subjected him to, ten years of isolation, ten years of Hermann’s shameful neglect.

“Newton, I’m so sorry—”

“I’m so fucking proud of you, you know that?” Newt said simultaneously, and both broke off, staring at one another.

“What.”

“What?”

“The hell do you have to be sorry for, man?” Newt gaped. “Uh, in case you hadn’t noticed, I would have been completely shit-outta-luck if you hadn’t been there to pull me out at the end. Like, imprisoned for life or more likely just fucking dead. You saved my life. Again. I seriously, seriously owe you for everything you’ve done since… since, y’know, the attacks. And thanks to those jackasses I haven’t been able to say it.”

Hermann’s mouth worked. “But I abandoned you. I didn’t figure out sooner what had happened. I was too late, a step behind…”

Newt barked a sharp laugh. “What? What are you even talking about, man? You think I… ok wait, wait a minute back it up.” Newt held up a hand before pointing at Hermann. “You think I’m mad at you for not figuring out that I was possessed by aliens who wanted to destroy the world?”

“Well, when you put it that way…” Hermann’s lips twisted. “In a word, yes. And for not discovering their plan sooner.”

Some of the levity fell from Newt’s posture and the corner of his lips twisted down as he shook his head as if weighing Hermann’s words. “Ok, that one was a little on you. I figured once Obsidian Fury turned up with a Kaiju nervous system I’d have a good chance of someone figuring it out, but it’s still on like… the entire PPDC for not figuring out two plus two on that one. I mean, who the fuck else besides the Kaiju expert at Shao could have figured out how to put evil Kaiju parts into an evil Jaeger?” Newt shrieked, annoyance flicking over his face in what looked like a very old and oft-repeated frustration. He took a deep breath, steadying himself. “But before that? Dude, as far as you knew, I told you on no uncertain terms to fuck off because I had a hot new life and a hot new wife, what else were you supposed to do? Stalk me? Frankly, I’m just lucky you wanted to talk to me after all that.”

Hermann cleared his throat, flushing a little at the reference to stalking, the thought might have crossed his mind more than once. “Was any of that you, when I spoke to you, before the attacks? Or was it all… them?”

Newt puffed out a thoughtful sigh and scratched the back of his neck. “A little of both? They had this way of… I dunno, twisting my words. Like, I did want you to come over, but I sure as fuck didn’t want you to ‘meet’ Alice. I missed saving the world together but I’m not that much of a douche as to make it sound like you just helped me, get it? It was like, I’d start to say something to you and then they’d add some dickish twist to it so it was an insult. Sometimes… sometimes I wasn’t mad about it though. You were always ragging on my research, it felt good to rain on your parade, just a little, just to get back and to keep you from giving those fuckers ideas like fucking Kaiju blood for rocket fuel. But even once they were gone I felt like I had to be careful. I didn’t want the PPDC to hear in case they got the wrong idea or thought you were complicit with me or some shit.”

“Hear what?” Hermann said breathlessly. Even with the months spent at Newton’s bedside, or rather just outside his cell, they’d not had the chance to speak candidly. There was, as Newton said, always an audience. His head was spinning.

Newt offered him a crooked smile. “That I’m proud of you, man! Like, holy shit. Kaiju blood for rocket fuel? Becoming a one-man PPDC K-Science lab, saving the fucking world? You cannot tell me those dumbass Jaeger pilots figured out a way to get from Moyulan all the way up to fucking Tokyo in less time than it took for the Precursors to hop in a fucking charter plane, no way. That had to be you, which means you saved the world. Again. You’re a fucking rock star!”

“I… well, that is, I didn’t… it was nothing…” Hermann stuttered.

“Shut up, you totally are!” Newt’s eyes are shining and he has grabbed Hermann’s hand in his enthusiasm, the gesture so familiar to a time gone by that tears prickle in Hermann’s eyes as his gaze jerks up to Newt’s face. “Do you know how pissed off the Precursors were about you, do you? They were fucking livid, you scared them shitless. They wanted you dead!”

“Oh, well that’s terribly comforting,” Hermann said faintly. Newt laughed.

“Are you kidding? Man, I can’t think of a higher compliment. The genocidal bastards that wanted to wipe out our planet almost pissed themselves on the tarmac when they saw you were here too! I thought they were going to faint when you showed up at Shao that night, it was fucking gorgeous.”

“They needn’t have worried,” Hermann muttered, but felt a blush rising inexorably to his cheeks and ears. “I did nothing to prevent the attack.”

“You countered every single weapon they threw at you!” Newt exploded, throwing up his hands. “And it took them ten years to put those together. You did it, man. I thought… I mean, I’m gonna level with you, I hoped there would be someone on the outside smart enough to catch on, even when catching on would have been batshit insane, like come on, who just guesses that a fucking war hero like yours-truly is a sock puppet for aliens? That’s nuts, right? That’s the only reason no one could have figured it out.” There’s a fragility to Newt’s levity, as if he’s repeating a rote lesson he’s said to himself over and over, to reassure himself it was true. His voice cracked over the words, but he forged on. “I hoped there’d be someone. I hoped it would be you, honestly, and I was right. I was right because I had the best lab partner in the fucking world.”

At the words lab partner, Hermann jerked back and looked away. The space between them had been closing, Newt’s enthusiasm was infectious. He had caught himself wanting to close the distance, staring at Newton’s lips. But that was all they’d ever been on paper. Lab partners.

“Well, there were others involved,” Hermann said. “I can’t take all the credit. But it is… kind of you to say, Newton. Thank you. I had no idea you held me in such esteem.”

“Always, man,” Newt said. His voice was faint, and when Hermann glanced back his expression was soft. “Since the first. You never could have pissed me off as much as you did if not.”

“Where will you go next?” Hermann said breathlessly, if only to change the subject so the blush rising up his throat wouldn’t consume him. “That is, I want to help you get back on your feet. You’re not beholden to me, and I don’t want you to feel as if you’ve swapped one prison for another, no matter what the PPDC might say on the matter. Your actions were clearly under duress and we will prove it, if necessary.”

“Next?” Newt said, as if he hadn’t heard any of the rest. He looked around the room, as if seeing it for the first time, and then to Hermann. “I, uh, hadn’t got that far, really? I guess I’m chill to hang out here for a bit, not get tangled up in all that paperwork that comes with leaving or…”

He scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Fuck, I can’t do this. I don’t have any plans. The thought of going back out into the world? Scares the ever-loving shit out of me. What if they’re not really gone? What if they’re just waiting, y’know, hiding, and I’m gonna wake up at the helm of another evil corporation in a couple years? I’m right where I want to be, with a fucking army to keep an eye out in case they come back, and the person I… I trust most in the whole goddamn world to keep an eye on me. Hermann,” Newt squeaked, “I haven’t been totally honest and, fuck, you might throw me out for this, but there’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now. I’ve been thinking about you… about seeing you again for a fucking decade. I was hoping… look, you’re the only person that keeps me right, ok? I’m not sure where we stand but if you’re not gonna punch me in the face just for asking I was kinda hoping I could take you out sometime? There’s gotta be a restaurant around here somewhere, right? Or I could, I dunno, cook something for you and we could watch a movie, a real house-arrest style date.” Newt’s eyes grew wild at Hermann’s continued, gaping silence, and his voice rose in pitch. “Or I could be totally off base and I’ll start looking for places of my own right away! Fuck, I shouldn’t have even brought it up, fuck me and my stupid mouth, I could have at least waited a few days but nooo, had to make it weird. Look, I’m sorry, I…”

Newt began to rise to his feet, scrambling away from Hermann, and it sent a jolt through Hermann that jarred him out of the haze that had swallowed his brain. Hermann panicked, and did the only thing he could think of, the only thing to keep Newt from pulling away.

He seized Newton by the shoulders and kissed him with all his might.

It was a messy, unglamorous affair. Their teeth clacked. Hermann’s face was so twisted with warring emotions he probably looked ridiculous. Newton seized up under his hands for a moment, and when Hermann dared open his eyes he saw Newt staring.

“Oh…” Newt breathed, and just before Hermann could break away, babbling his own apologies, he continued, “fuck yes.” And Newt was gripping him in return, pushing Hermann back onto the bed so they were lying flat, kissing one another breathless.

“Stay with me,” Hermann muttered between kisses. “No more lines, no more separation. We’ll figure this out together. Stay.”

“What’s there to figure out?” Newt grinned against his lips. “I’ve got everything I was hoping for, right here.”

[proheromidoriyashouto]

matchmaker shouto au 2

when Shouto doesn't think All Might is going to marry his mom in a timely fashion, not only does he try to now separate them, he tries to get Midoriya Inko to marry Rei instead. it's so simple. Inko already expressed interest in helping remove Rei from Ende*vore by volunteering All Might before the man himself even knew what was going on- willing to forego marrying her own son's father figure if it meant saving another woman.

Inko's still married to Hisashi and while they care for each other it was more a marriage of convience than true heart-stopping love at the time. Hisashi supports them but is distant, having found someone to love in the U.S. He and Inko already had Izuku by then and felt that a divorce might be too messy with a young child and just never got around to it. Hisashi is a good partner and father to his SO and children in the States, but did feel guilt at not doing more for Izuku so as time passed he continued to send money to at least maintain his minimum support for his estranged son. Izuku knows this and doesn't feel much of anything regarding Hisashi. can't miss what you never had, though he does wonder what his younger half-siblings are like and if they want to know him but hasn't had the chance to communicate with them since they're little (a seven year old brother, a five year old sister, and a baby next year), and their mother wants both of them to be old enough to decide if meeting him is something they want (they don't dislike Izuku per say but definitely feel resentful that Hisashi cannot care for the children w the benefits of marriage in their home where he lives which leads to doubt about the sincerity of his feelings for them and thoughts that he may run off on them. they know this isn't fair to Izuku but they can't help want what's best for their children, and their fear is that seeing his oldest will reignite Hisashi's feelings for Inko- which were never especially romantic- implanting the idea to leave their family high and dry to reunite w his "real" family. they don't want to give the boy- who hasn't done anything to them to earn their ire- a hard no, but their heart doesn't have what it takes to risk that, however unlikely, just yet, and remains hopeful that a few more years will cement Hisashi's love for their family before bringing his son over to meet his siblings. So when Inko makes the call asking for a proper divorce, they're stunned (but grateful).

(It's 2200something in the BNHA verse, so Imma just wave my magical hand and legalize gay marriage and name taking and everything on a global scale, okay, live with it.)

Inko agreed pretty quick since marriage has never been about joining with a person out of love for her rather it's been about taking care of others. Her marriage served its purpose protecting Hisashi from his family, her from her lack of one, Izuku from the stigma of a broken home. But Hisashi found what he wanted in the U.S., and Izuku's older now, nearly a man and gone to the dorms of U.A. and has All Might to fill the father-shaped void, and she's happy where she is in the life she's built so she's doesn't need to hold on to her marriage to Hisashi anymore. She's got a good job and has been saving up to buy a house w/o relying on a loan which meant years of money-pinching and stalking clearance sales and she's nearly there anyway so why not?

Rei and All Might and most people Shouto knows go through whiplash as he switches from supporting "All Might wooing my mom" to "All Might can get dunked on" and simultaneously "Izuku's mom wooing my mom." Shouto's dead-serious about the "wooing" part and keep finding elaborate ways to set up "dates" and "coincidences." The Izucrew- who don't have the entire story except for Izuku- try and help but find it really ackward and sudden and ooc for Shouto but are too invested in his happiness to put a stop to the shenanigans. Izuku, as one might expect, has mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, his mom would be saving someone which he is down with, but... he's dating? his potential-stepmom's son?? Won't it be weird? Dating? His technically? stepbrother?? But Shouto pulls out the Big Anime Eyes move from his provisional training and the argument is dead in the water. From there it's all hands on deck for Operation: Make Todoroki A Midoriya; Rei Edition.

Rei is allowed to leave the care facility as long as she's with someone so Shouto takes her out to the aquarium.

Shouto: Oh, look. My boyfriend is here. And oh, look. His recently divorced bisexual mom is here too.

Rei: That's...um, nice. Very specific. Are you going to introdu-

Shouto: I should introduce you, mama. You'll like her. She's nice. She just bought a house. She's-

Inko: Shouto-kun! Fancy meeting you here! If I'd known I would have brought you a bento. We had cold soba last night. And you must be, ah, his mother?

Rei: Yes. I'm To-...Rei. Just Rei. It is a pleasure to finally meet you. My son speaks nothing but your's praises so-

Shouto: Mama-!

Rei: -I've been looking forward to the day I could meet the person responsible for raising the hero who saved him in my stead. From the sound of it, you have a fine son, Midoriya-san. My gratitude as well.

Inko: Oh! I, well, I did my best. He's quite a heroic boy on his own though, I hardly did anything. From what I hear your son is quite the hero himself! He's saved Izukun so many times, and been so cool doing it you wouldn't believe how my boy gushes about your own, oh, the stories I could tell you-

Izuku: Mom!

Rei: Please. I... Tell me everything.

And as they wonder toward the sea turtles, Izuku has to drag Shouto away so their moms can bond w/o them but he keeps trying to help and pre-emptively counter any argument Rei could have against Inko but he just keeps circling like 2-3 arguments because he's worked up.

Shouto: It's a western-style house. It has walls and door knobs and no big, loud jerkasses in it.

Izuku: C'mon, Shoushou. My mom said she's got this-! *tries to guide Shouto away w a hand on his back*

Shouto: She loves dogs but she's alergic but she's down for a cat, she said so. She gave me a fish I keep at her house. I am there all the time. So if you want to see me a bunch you can watch me sprinkle food in. At her house. Where I have a pet fish. Her new, 5 bedroom house. It has a big yard and a plot for gardening. It's near a park. The doors lock from the inside. Fuyumi's there. Natsuo forgot where it is but he's been there too so he might show up.

Izuku: Let's, uh, let's check out the seals. There should be a new baby, I think. *actively dragging Shouto by his waist into another section*

Shouto, digging in his boots w the kleets he brought specifically for this: She never yells. She's tough. She killed a cockroach w her bare hand once and didn't blink I think she could take Him in a fight. She's patient and good at hugs. Her ex is lame and won't show up. She's looking for an upgrade. The house is warm and smells like vanilla and coffee. There's a koi pond, mama. Mama, there's a koi pond. It's where I keep my fish. I live there. Fuyumi lives there and sometimes sneaks in her girlfriends. Or boyfriends. I'm not sure, actually. Tensei's over a lot. Anyway she's there, and she hangs her student's drawing on the walls in frames and cries over them. In the big house Inko just bought after her divorce-

Izuku, so grateful for his provisional license: *using OFA 5% to drag his boyfriend away* Shou-! shou-! There's a baby seal! S-stingrays! We can pet the stingrays! Let's gooo! Mom's got this already!!

Shouto, so grateful for his license: *using ice to plant himself anew each time his boyfriend drags him free, snaging a hand into the doorframe of the next exhibit* -it's got a hot tub in the bathroom. The walls are blue w leaf decal molding and solid like rice paper can't be. It's close to her work so she's around alot. She makes soba from scratch! 100% buckwheat soba! She likes K-dramas!

Izuku, aware of the stares they're getting, trying to spare their reputations any more damage: *ups OFA to 8% and hefts his boyfriend over his shoulder* I-I think they let you feed the eels! Let's do that. Let's touch the no-touch-noodles and then tell Tenya about it! He'll yell at us! That's always fun right?!

Shouto, just yelling at this point even though Inko and Rei are well out of ear shot by now: Bad American Monster movies! She likes seaweed chips! She knits! The house! Has a self-cleaning oven! The floor is carpeted! My fish has spots! I wear All Might onesies there! At the house! 'Cause fuck the other guy!

Izuku, even more grateful for his provisional license: *sweating and running before they get kicked out for property damage or worse*

Anyways, time goes on. Moms get together, get married for love of all things, and Rei changes her family name to Midoriya. Inko adopts Natsuo and he changes his name and his girlfriend is fully on board once in the know. Fuyumi has her own plan much like Shouto does.

Izuku gets to know his siblings and they fawn over their hero big brother. His stepparent apologizes profusely but he waves it off, you can't forgive what you never faulted in someone after all. They welcome him into their home and never regret it one moment. Hisashi is never close but he isn't negligent and stays up to date w Izuku.

Rei and Inko grow old together, gardening, knitting, tending to the koi, raising hero sons, and grandchildren in a big house where the walls shake with laughter and the front door is always open to let the cats out and maybe Toshinori is there as a third, maybe he isn't, no one can tell for sure not even their sons, but what matters is that their moms are happy (and its not like threesomes are uncommon in 22XX).

In the not so distant future, Rei and Shouto bond over being called Midoriya-san everywhere they go. Shouto can finally rest easy knowing that he saved his mother from the Todoroki legacy.

[twothumbsandnostakeincanon]

So @stetervault reblogged my tags on that post of @thisdiscontentedwinter about Stiles having a familiar that’s a Chia Pet, and filling out that idea sounded like a better evening than yelling at the next installment of my Empathy Empathy series so that’s what I did. 

Blah blah disclaimer that it’s been a long ass day and I literally just say down and pounded this out right now so obvs zero editing has been done LET’S BE REAL NONE OF YOU ARE HERE FOR PROFESSIONAL QUALITY SO WE’RE JUST GONNA ROLL 

You Look Familiar

Peter watched Stiles.

It was a thing.

Not a good thing, or a bad thing, or even a particularly strange thing, given who Peter was.

It was just… a thing.

Peter watched Stiles.

No one watched Peter.

It made them too uncomfortable. He’d been resurrected without his familiar and somehow come back more sane rather than less, as was the case with every other documented case of Familiar Death. People could hardly stand to look at him at all, much less watch.

It’s wrong, they whispered. He’s only half a person. Where is his magic, if not kept with his familiar?

They were all waiting for him to snap, waiting for him to return to madness, despite proving that he still had his magic every time he shifted. There was no cure for the willfully ignorant, he supposed.

So rather than dedicating time to worrying about that, he used it to watch Stiles and his familiar, who were currently sitting on the couch in the loft. Stiles patted the small plants sprouting from the turtle shaped Chia Pet he called Aida. He would pat them down gently and watch them spring back, as if he was both petting and playing with it.

Aida sat perfectly still, as always. Never reacting, never interacting. Like it was just a regular Chia Pet.

Peter had wondered, at first, if perhaps Aida were some kind of red herring. Perhaps Stiles’ actual familiar couldn’t travel with him for some reason, so he carried around the Chia Pet to prevent awkward questions. It seemed like a Stiles thing to do.

But Peter had spent too much time with Stiles now, both in his house and everywhere else, to continue thinking that. There were no other familiars in the Stilinski household unless John was home with his ferret, Frances.

The Chia Pet was well and truly Stiles’ familiar.

Derek and Scott continued bickering in the middle of the loft as Peter continued to watch those long pale fingers lovingly brush across the green leaves and terracotta feet.

“Hey Stiles,” Isaac nodded over at Lydia’s goat familiar, “Guinevere's looking pretty hungry, maybe you should give her a snack.” He made a grab for Aida, but Stiles was well used to his jackassery by now, and pulled her away while sending a shock of electricity in Isaac’s direction like a rolled up newspaper.

Isaac yanked his hand away, rubbing the back of it with a sulk on his face. Peter didn’t know why he continued to pull that kind of shit- everyone else thought it was weird, but ignored Stiles’ oddity. Well. Everyone except Peter.

It wasn’t even that Aida wasn’t an animal; that was unusual, but not unheard of. It was just that other plant familiars always exhibited proof of sentience. Vine tendrils that curled around objects, or leaves that shook in morse code- something.

The turtle shaped Chia Pet just… sat there. Chia-ing away.

“No!” Scott yelled, breaking Peter’s concentration. “We have to talk to them, I know they’ll understand us!”

Derek was pinching the bridge of his nose between his eyes.

“I don’t know how to explain ‘zombies’ to you any better, Scott. They don’t understand anything. They’re dead. We need to find the one who’s raising them.”

“They’re not all the way dead, or they wouldn’t be moving around,” Scott said stubbornly. “We have to at least try talking to them.” He looked around the room for support, finding none. “Stiles?” he pleaded.

Stiles shrugged. “Sounds like a double headshot situation to me, dude.”

Scott set his jaw firmly, taking one last glance around the room.

“Fine. I’ll go talk to them alone then. When I come back with a treaty worked out, you’ll have to honor it.”

“Aw, Scott-” Stiles started, but was cut off by the slamming of the door. He sighed, tucking Aida in pocket of his bunny hug and standing.

“Come on, guys, come help me keep him from killing himself.”

Derek’s eyebrows said everything about how much he wanted to do that, but grudgingly got up anyway, leading the others out with him.

Peter, however, stayed right where he was on the stairs.

“I really don’t think we ought to interfere with natural selection, do you?” he said delicately.

Stiles raised an eyebrow.

“Rich words from a guy who died. Come on Zombiewolf, they’re your people! If anyone can pull off Scott’s dumbass idea to communicate, it’ll be you!” He grinned cheesily.

Peter remained unmoved.

Stiles sighed.

“Help me keep my bro alive and I’ll help with the translation of that Polish Bestiary you got last month. I know you’re only three pages in. If Scott doesn’t die, I’ll have the whole thing translated in two weeks.”

“Deal.”

He reached out to shake on it and then used the leverage to pull himself up. He leaned in to rub his cheek against Stiles’, conscious of the way Stiles allowed it- perhaps even leaned into it a little.

“You should have held out for at least another two favors,” he whispered into Stiles’ ear. “I’ve been cursing at that book all week.”

He tried to tamp down his smile at the shiver and chuckle that Stiles responded with.

Peter tugged his hand to pull them both out of the loft.

“Let’s go help the idiot squad.”

____________________

In a turn of events that surprised exactly one person, Scott was already in trouble when they arrived.

Claws out, eyes flashing, he was tearing away at the zombies as they shambled into his space, slow and unstoppable.

Everyone jumped into the fray immediately, but it was like the zombies were appearing from thin air. There were just so many. The pack could drop one, and three would take its place.

The zombies had little to no motor coordination, but they pressed with their whole body, leaning in to incapacitate while another tried to bite. Fighting while feeling so suffocated led to a panicked defense rather than a planned attack.

Even Peter and Derek were struggling; their arms couldn’t get enough movement for their claws to be truly effective. Dread clogged Peter’s throat- this couldn’t be it, he’d come back from the dead once, he wasn’t going to go out a second time by zombie-

One long arm raised above the mass of bodies, green and tan gripped in the fist held aloft. Everyone in the pack watched as the arm pulled back, flew forward, and Stiles released Aida mid-air.

The moment held, suspended, as everyone looked on in horror, expecting Stiles’ familiar to shatter against the first object she hit. Shards of terracotta, scattered bits of green and seeds- the companion of Stiles’ magic, destroyed.

But then-

Orange and black, growing larger so quickly that no one could track it with their eyes. One moment, there was a flying Chia Pet, the next, a mother fucking tiger was landing on the ground with an earth shaking roar.

Rotting bodies flew left and right, the heads being severed by huge claws and an even huger jaw. The sudden breathing room gave everyone in the pack a perfect view on the tiger absolutely shredding the hordes of zombies that had been their imminent demise just a minute ago.

The whole ordeal took less than five.

When they were surrounded by bodies, Stiles moseying along and whacking the heads off of the occasional twitcher, the tiger finally sat down and began cleaning herself. He walked right up to her and ran his fingers through her ruff.

“Thanks Aida,” he said casually. She turned her head to lick his face.

“Oh, gross, you were just using that tongue to clean zombie guts off of yourself!” he yelled, wiping his face with his sleeve.

Aida let out a deep rumbly sound that may have been the tiger equivalent of a laugh, before giving her claws one last lick. Then she turned around and leapt toward Stiles, transforming mid-air once again before landing in Stiles’ arms as a turtle Chia Pet once again.

Wait. No.

Peter peered a little more closely.

She was a sheep this time.

Stiles brought her up to his face, nuzzling into her and gently patting the tiny green plants as he usually did. Only this time, everyone watched Aida rub her little terracotta body up against his cheek affectionately.

He tucked her away in the pocket of his bunnyhug again and looked up at the pack, who were still staring.

Stiles smiled angelically.

“I thought she was a fucking Chia Pet,” Isaac burst out indignantly.

Stiles looked at him, eyebrow raised.

“She is. You just saw her turn back into one.”

“But she-”

“Anyway, I need a shower,” Stiles cut in, blatantly ignoring him as he walked away. “Peter, your apartment is closest. You can let me in with a key or I can break in, your choice.”

Peter hurried after him, knowing he wasn’t joking.

“You are absolutely not using my good towels-”

[waterstar2016]

I recently saw a post about someone asking why some of us find the TMNT characters attractive. I’m sorry, I can’t remember who it was.

For me it’s Raphael. 99% holy fucking shit he floats my boat. Sure, he’s a mutant, he’s a turtle, and yes he has green skin. Don’t forget that he’s absolutely fucking huge. Swoon.

The reason I say 99% is because there is a part of me that is drawn to Leo. The control he exudes, those blue eyes, how each of his movements seem perfectly executed, and that strut! He looks like he is as almost as strong as Raph, just in a more compact form. And talk about kinky vibe, yum. The submissive part of me screams “YES!” to his persona. The scene in the first movie when he yells “Enough!” Leo flips in the air and tells Raph to back off after landing on the buildings edge, Katana singing and dust and rubble exploding away from his impact (Woah). April is backing up, hell, I would too with that gaze focussed on me. But part of me would be tempted to not move. Anyways…

I found myself wondering why I was attracted to fictional characters that weren’t even human (I eluded to this in my first post “Why?”) I’ll expand on that post. I’ve always been drawn to the big, strong and or burly type. The ones that you know could pick you up and carry you away. Vin Diesel makes my heart pound and I really wouldn’t mind ending up in a dark corner with him. I am not afraid of the dark. *grin*

So, here’s my explanation as to why my body sings at the thought of Raphael. Leo, I summed up above because this is going to already be a long enough post.

Raphael:

1. His size. I’m pretty tall for a woman and I am not delicate. Being 5’11 and not small statured (have a curvy figure and a little bit of extra weight that I am working my ass off trying to lose), I have a 36” inseam (impossible to find jeans at a reasonable price) I have always, ALWAYS felt like the “big” girl. I tower over all of my girlfriends, have been called an Amazon by friends and boyfriends (hence the idea for my OC Immogene) and have found that the majority of my relationships have been with guys that were shorter than me. I have confidence in myself most of the time, I just feel awkward in certain situations. I would be rich if I’d gotten a dollar for every time a guy would come up to me, compliment me, and then walk away. There were a few guys that I was with that I felt like that if I went on top, there was a small chance that I could crush them (yes I know, probably not gonna happen, but my head would go there) I love doggy style, but if the guys a little short, I’d have to kneel on the edge of the bed while more time is spent adjusting the height that my ass is at, than the actual fucking (“Shit, hun lower your ass, I can’t stand on my tip toes this long.”) Meanwhile, I’m waiting to be pounded into the mattress… I’m pretty strong. I lift weights a few times a week and do not shy away from heavy work.

I’m the one in the grocery store with the little old lady beside me who looks at me and then looks at the top shelf. I know she wants to ask me to grab something up there, but she’s afraid. Sighing, I will turn and gently ask “Is there something I can grab for you mam?” Crisis averted, she realizes I won’t pounce and I finally get a smile “O yes dear, could you grab me the olive oil? Thank you. Wow, such a tall girl, pretty though.” I’m the girl that guys get intimidated by. Have you read my fanfic “Two Shades of Green”? Immogene resembles me in so many ways and Brian’s character is actually based upon a few guys that I dated.

With Raphael, well lol, there would be NO worries about me crushing him. In fact, it would be the opposite. I would love the feeling of being utterly surrounded by his massive form. Don’t get me started on his thick fingers. Mmmm. Not many people can manhandle me (one guy I dated was 6’5” and could lift me with one arm…for the first time in my life, my mouth actually went dry. Too bad I found out he already had a fiancee *rolls eyes*…asshole) and the thought of being swept up and held by those gorgeous biceps draws an interesting tingle. For me to have to reach up to kiss him, for him to be able to put me where he wanted me to be? Bring. It. On.

2. His personality. Raph is so passionate. He has an internal fire. He has an attitude. He’s full of testosterone. He’s protective of April. He love’s his brothers. Raph and Leo may fight (a lot) but there are scenes in the where you can see the brotherly love. Like most Raph fans out there, I feel he is the type that is hard as nails on the exterior, but on the interior he’s a big pile of goo. I would love to be the one that could cool his jets (and then heat them up in different ways ;)). I get the feeling that if Raph’s character found someone, she would be his entire world (yes I know I am a romantic and a sap, but I try to let slowly ooze out, not flow over you like Niagara Falls).

Raphael speaks from the heart. The expressions on his face convey such raw emotion (thank you movie magic!). He’s a rebel. One of my favourite lines in the 2016 movie was “Normal, what fun is that?” Total high three for that one. I went to University and did two degrees at the same time. I target shoot, I can rough it in the bush for a few days (as long as there is a nearby water source), I fish, I can throw a baseball further than most guys I know, I love getting my hands dirty and am not afraid to open up a DIY book when my fridge stops working. I also love star gazing, wearing makeup occasionally to make my eyes pop and wearing skirts. Don’t get me wrong I know there are other woman that do these things…it just seems to be rare where I come from. Or, at least I’ve been told it’s rare. In the past those hobbies, skills and habits made me intimidating. I actually had one guy take me camping and who broke up with me shortly after (I found out the reason why from a mutual friend) because I could actually do what I said I could - start a fire, paddle a canoe for hours (I actually dragged him and that damn canoe over a beaver dam because he was scared), set up a tent, etc. He didn’t believe me when I told him I was ok to go camping a little off the beaten path (yes, I know, good riddance). I was raised by my father. He brought me up to believe that a woman could do anything she wanted to (my dad was actually a mentor for young woman in his field who were just starting their careers. He helped so many gain confidence and be proud in a male dominated career choice) I feel that Raph’s (and have personal experience with “Raph” types) personality would be drawn to someone who was sweet, caring and kind, but had a backbone. He would be the type to encourage you to be who you were (girlfriend or not). Reading a fair number of blogs I am not the only one that feels this way about this characters personality. I can see him really shy and afraid of rejection at first but not being able to resist testing the waters with an occasional dirty comment just to see the reaction. When he finds out that she’s interested. There would be no going back.

Referring to the quote about “Normal” again, Raph himself realizes he likes who he is at the end of the movie. Love that ending.

A violent teddy bear suits Raph to the T. Yes he can crush you, yes he would enjoy it (if you were the bad guy), but if you were someone he loved…those same actions would be expressed in an ENTIRELY different way. He would crush you to him and enjoy it just as much. Even though I don’t think he would admit it, Raph wants acceptance. Most of the time he expects the worst from someone. I often ended up in a not so great relationship because the guy accepted most of me (that didn’t take long to piss me off. I would move on to try again). I still struggle some days, but most of the time I am good with who I am now.

3. His voice. The timbre of it, the batman voice, the accent, and that chuckle. He can convey so much emotion in that voice. Good choice on the actor they chose to play him! One Raph Imagine even mentioned him singing to you! I can totally see that. I could listen to that voice for hours.

4. How he moves. Raph has a rolling walk. Shoulders moving with each step. It’s predatory. It’s fucking delicious. Combine how he moves with his never failing focus on his target makes me want to run and hide, but, in a place I know he will find me. The sit-ups on the pipes in the 2016 TMNT movie. His Sai piercing the metal in front of Casey’s face, when Raph doesn’t want him getting any closer to April. The motorcycle scene. I could go on. He moves instinctively. He doesn’t have to plan his next move, his body just does it. Imagining him doing that rolling walk, with me as his target. Hella yes.

For these reasons and a few more I haven’t listed here are why I found myself thinking of a mutant turtle as a partner to bump in the night with. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you or me for feeling this way. We each have things that turn us on, grind our gears, lift us up or put us down. The creators of TMNT just happened to be very good in making Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo each exhibit a typical male stereotype. We are bound to find one (or more than one, or even bits and pieces of each) of those personalities striking a chord with our own.

There are so many fandoms out there. If you find one that rubs you the right way. Close your eyes and let your imagination run wild. Your thoughts are yours and yours alone.

Thanks for reading.

[awfully-sadistic]

Of Heroics and Misdeeds

Today’s set of prompts are:

“I’m going to lose my last shred of sanity.”

“You can’t lose what you don’t have.”

Chapter Four

Dot was too preoccupied to put much attention on the pumping music resonating in her car as she drove the long stretch of highway that took her out of New York. Her mind was on a couple of other things at the moment:

1) She had specifically asked for a truck when she put in her order for a rent-a-car to head out on the road. Living in New York, it wasn’t just a misconception that a lot of people didn’t own cars to commute within the city; buses and subways had that handled and with the rise of Ober and PykUp, taxis were nearly a thing in the past with their much more affordable prices. Unfortunately, Dot was one of those people who didn’t own a vehicle and always told herself that she was going to get herself a big ass truck as soon as she moved. And besides, she didn’t really need to travel outside of the city that often... or at all, so the need for personal transportation wasn’t something she struggled with on a daily basis. She did all her work from home and there was a store walking distance from her penthouse if she needed anything she couldn’t get online. She really was a hermit. However, it was really fucking something that the sequel to her most popular romance novel she has been trying to write required her to travel outside of town for research purposes. She couldn’t argue. It was the life of an author and they often did things like visiting exotic places to get a feel of an area they would be writing about in their stories. She’s done it before. She wanted things to be authentic, professional, and properly researched. It would stake a lot on her reputation as a writer and her emphasis on detail saw her quickly rise to the top of the best-sellers list. Suffice to say, she wouldn’t be lazy about this. It’s one of the things she took incredibly serious. But! Today would have been a lot painless if she didn’t have to make her way a few states over in a goddamn car! At least it wasn’t a van, she supposed.

The second thought was perhaps a lot more personal and would send butterflies fluttering about in her stomach when she touched down on it.

2) Peter B. Parker.

That’s about it for that list but there are plenty of complicated and questioning little thoughts that came along with that name. The first being: Is he Spider-Man?

She didn’t quite believe in coincidences so one of the biggest things that convinced her was the night after Peter and Wade left her penthouse, Spider-Man visited her the next day after having that conversation with Peter about Spider-Man. She hasn’t seen him the entire week, what were the chances he would have shown up the next day after a visit from Peter? Not a coincidence. And like Peter Parker suggested, she heard him out. She would have done it anyway but he didn’t need to know that.

She remembered him explaining his side, his thought process of leaving her alone like he did, and his regrets. He really beat himself up over what had happened that Dot felt bad and spent the entire night trying to reassure him that she wasn’t mad at him. She was truthful and told him that she wanted to be, but honestly, what was there to be mad about? Her feelings got hurt but that wasn’t a reason to cut off ties with him; hurt did not equal anger. 

It was enough that he explained himself and promised never to do anything like that again. That taking her feelings into consideration is the only thing she could ever ask from Spider-Man.

“Not even to save you if you needed it?” he asked, jokingly. The joking was a good sign because he had been too nervous to crack even the tiniest pun and chance ruining what he had with Dot. So, he was serious until he was certain that Dot wouldn’t throw him out and never have anything to do with him again. Comfortable would be another good way of seeing it.

“I think you’d save me anyway.”

Spider-Man was quiet for a heartbeat or two and Dot could see by the raised bottom of his mask that his exposed smile was soft. It was genuine. She couldn’t read his mind and could only wonder what she had said that made him smile like that.

“You’re absolutely right. And not because it was expected of me.”

“Because it is about doing what’s right, right?” Dot grinned, tilting her head.

“No, it’s because I lo--” Spider-Man’s hands came up and he cut himself off in a panic, “YEAH! WHAT? I MEAN, YEAH! BUT ALSO BECAUSE YOU’RE MY VERY GOOD FRIEND!”

Dot blinked. Then blinked again. Her eyes were wide and Spider-Man was still rambling off about doing the right thing and friendship and other things while he very nervously started to make his way over the balcony; he was still spouting nonsense that went in one ear and out the other because she had been too focused on his words before that.

Lo--?

He what? Lo? Love? And she couldn’t get the chance to ask because he had ran off into the night.

“Luh?” Dot asked out loud in her car, smacking her hands off the steering wheel. “Damn it! What is it?! Do you love me!?”

She was going to have to wait for her reply when she got back to the city. That was what had bothered her the most. Next time... next time she wasn’t going to let Spider-Man off that easily. She was going to corner him and pounce on him like the frightened little rabbit he exhibited on her balcony that night. Then she was going to make him admit it. 

Make him admit everything.

“You’re slow today, Spider-Man!”

Despite what the teasing outcry stated and the maniacal laughter that came afterwards, Peter Parker would argue that he was definitely not slow today.

WHAM!

Peter Parker definitely got hit with a car just now. So, maybe there was some truth to that after all. A blur of red and the offending automobile flew into the nearest building that could break his fall and the body disappeared into a swirling cloud of dust and metal at impact. The force was enough to knock loose some concrete that crumbled and sprinkled over him like rain droplets that weighed ten pounds each. They hit the ground with heavy thuds and for a split second, there was only the quiet stillness of the pebbles rolling off the newly formed mound of debris falling onto the ground. Then, a slow-cracking shift as Spider-Man started to move underneath the heavy weight.

“I’m just surprised that someone like you could move around in a big, clunky thing like that,” Spider-Man quipped as he slowly got out from under the rubble and oh yeah, the car from earlier. “How was it being in Avatar, anyway?” He asked, a gloved hand coming up to gesture at his adversary. Spider-Man wasn’t kidding. The villain he was fighting today showed up in a true-to-god Mecha suit that looked like the one from the ending of Avatar and while his nerd side would be geeking out about his own reference, the responsible part of him knew that he had to stop this madman before anyone got seriously hurt.

Like him, for instance. 

Normally two-bit villains like this guy would be done in a snap but Peter Parker had trouble concentrating today. Dot was on his mind a lot and why wouldn’t she be? She was funny. Smart. Attractive. Amazing. And Peter couldn’t just get her out of his mind. Even during a crucial moment of fighting bad guys on the streets of his city, New York.

His Spider-Sense knocked him out of the short reprieve he had slipped into, thinking about Dot; that tingling sensation was ever familiar as he finally noted the piece of huge cinder block hurling towards him at the speed faster than a human can throw. 

Luckily, he dodged this one just in time. He watched as it flew over his head and glanced over his shoulder; the heavy object bounced a few times along the street and sidewalks before it stopped. He barely had the time to turn his head back around to make a comment about aim before he was met with a mega powered punch from a mechanical arm. Hydraulics hissed in its resting extended position and Spider-Man flew for the fourth time that day. He was running out of buildings to crash into! 

“Lucky for you, your heartmate, Deadpool is to the rescue!”

Spider-Man was caught short of rolling into another building, colliding with a hard force instead but the punch had been packed with a lot of power and even Deadpool wasn’t too much of a stopping force -- the both of them went flying back, skidding along the street and landed as a mangled heap of red limbs on the ground.

Peter moaned from under his mask barely making the effort to lift his head. It actually felt good to rest on Wade for a minute while he caught his second wind. “...I thought you were rescuing me.”

“If I did that first, we wouldn’t be in this amazingly compromising position.”

Peter groaned, taking care to roll off Wade to get back up on his feet. He offered Wade a hand, helping the red-suited hero to his as well. “Are you here to help or to flirt with me?”

“A little bit of both, I can multi-task.” Wade grinned as soon as he was back up, the gesture was seen easily from under his mask.

“No, you really can’t.” Peter pointed out but before Wade could retort, he had changed the subject by pointing at where their focus should be. “Let’s peel this Mecha-Man out of his tin can.”

“Ah, Webs. I’ve missed this.” Wade shouted after Peter as he went thwipping back into the fight.

“Nothing has changed since the last time we saw each other, Wade.” Peter shouted over his shoulder. 

As soon as Spider-Man returned to the scene, he shot a long string of webbing at the Mecha’s feet, twining the legs together as he swung past the huge mechanical figure in an arc. He was successful on tripping the mechanical suit when it took a step forward, that it landed on its “face” with a heavy thud. Dust swirled upwards and all around, the arms of the mechanical suit flailing wildly as it tried to right itself. 

“You look like a turtle,” Spider-Man snickered from his perch, watching the scene unfold. “Except I’d be more than happy to help one of those.”

“Curse you, Spider-Man!” the man shouted from inside.

“Really? You couldn’t go with something a little more recent? You’re in a Mecha suit for crying out loud. You can’t get more futuristic than that!”

Movement out of the corner of Peter’s eye saw that Wade had launched himself towards the Mecha, landing on its back.

“There’s only one way to get to the Tootsie roll center!” Deadpool shouted, raising both katanas that had been strapped to his back. “One, a-two, and a-THREE!” 

At three, Wade struck his katanas down into the Mecha’s “protected” battery station, short circuiting the entire frame. It wasn’t anything well placed katanas couldn’t hit. It frazzled and crackled, and sparks of lightning arced up and outwards. Wade made a startled noise from under his mask and fell over, landing on his side on the ground. The man from inside the suit was yelling obscenities and scrambling out from under the now broken Mecha suit, that he didn’t realize Spider-Man had been waiting for him.

“See, not so cool without the suit.” Spider-Man quipped. His arm flew out which sent webbing flying outwards and incapacitating the man to the spot.

“Good job, Webs.” Wade shouted somewhat faintly from the ground. Peter looked over and saw that he was giving him two thumbs up. He shook his head with a good-natured smile and slung webbing around Wade’s wrist yanking the other man up to his feet.

It took no time at all for the police to apprehend this mad man and Spider-Man was once more swinging high above the heads of New York City. However, Deadpool was an eager companion now, clinging to his back.

“We really got to get me some of those slinger-things.”

“We really don’t.”

“Then how am I going to keep up with you?” Wade asked. Peter didn’t reply but attached himself to the side of the nearest building and started to climb up. Wade was still wrapped around his neck and waist with no intention of letting go. Carrying Wade around the city like this was basically a normal occurrence by now if they were hanging out together.

Which was often.

Now, seated high above the city, both Peter and Wade sat side by side. Their feet hung over the edge and looking out below, they could see that traffic seemed to be at a stand still (as it ever was) and the night was coming to life. Peter loved his city even with all the crime stopping he did on a daily basis. But he seemed to find it pretty empty, lacking something, with the knowledge that someone wouldn’t be occupying it for the next few nights.

“Are you thinking about Dot?” Wade asked. He had a hot dog in his hand after he had insisted they stopped for something to eat. It was one of Wade’s favorite past times, at least. Hanging out with Spidey in high up places, eating and talking about anything and everything. He didn’t have that with anyone else. At least, not until...

“Dot?” Peter asked in a nervous tone. He almost fumbled his hot dog out of his normally sticky hands. But his reaction was enough to pause Wade from shoving his entire hot dog into his mouth and pull his mask up his face to give Peter a look. 

“Yeah, Dot. Who else?” he teased with a knowing grin.

Most would agree that Wade Wilson wasn’t much of a looker but he was an expressive motherfucker. Yet, Peter knew Wade Wilson didn’t take his mask off for just anyone. It was a huge sign of trust considering Wade’s low self-esteem overall; there was a part of him that thought of that every time Wade showed Peter his face. Peter reached over, lifting Wade’s hot dog to prompt him to start eating again. Anything to make Wade stop from giving him that silly expression.

“It’s pretty much obvious you have a huuuuuuuuge crush on her.” Wade munched through his mouthful of hot dog.

“I don’t think I can call it a crush anymore,” Peter laughed, somewhat sardonically. His tone matched the mocking nature of his laugh yet the only person he was making fun of was himself. “I don’t know what to do. She’s on my mind every day. This isn’t like an M.J. thing; a crush in high school that I grew out of as soon as my world broadened. And I’ve been Spider-Man for a very long time. My world got pretty big early on.”

“It’s easy, you gotta tell her how ya feel.”

Peter’s head turned and gave Wade a look through his mask that told him he was saying things that were crazier than usual.

“I don’t see you telling her how you feel.”

Wade started to choke on the hot dog, pounding his fist into his chest. “Damn, Webs! You really don’t pull any punches.” he coughed as little bits of hot dog came flying out.

“Wade.”

“What?” he snapped back, slowly pulling his mask over his face again. He could recognize a serious toned conversation when it smacked him in the face like  well-placed punch to the gut. “I’m not going to do something stupid like that.”

Peter’s gaze searched Wade’s masked features. It was obvious Wade closed himself up again and Peter had the fleeting thought to ask out loud, “You... never showed her how you really look under there...” 

There was no delicate way to put this but Wade had never really been a delicate man. And even Spider-Man can say some pretty stupid and blunt things. Peter thought Wade perhaps assumed it would be easy for him to tell Dot how he felt because he didn’t have to face her with Wade’s appearance. He wasn’t an idiot, he just said dumb things sometimes.

Wade pretended he hadn’t heard Peter, but it was obvious he had. He was taking angry bites out of his hot dog.

“....” Peter remained silent and turned to his own hot dog, sitting uneaten in his hand. He knew he should say something to Wade, reassure him on some level, but he didn’t know what to say. But then he remembered something Dot said from their “make up” talk that stuck out to him. 

You don’t have to think up of some magical way to fix things with a single word or phrase when there’s been a misunderstanding. That’s impossible. I think as long as you apologize, that is the first step you can take at mending something that has been frayed. Talking things through can always help, not make things worse.

Talking things out, huh?

“Sorry, Wade. That was pretty out of line.” he started and although he felt a little out of his element, he was glad he was able to say something. “It’s not... my place.”

Wade’s hand stopped from picking up the third hot dog besides him. Did it surprise him that Peter apologized? The apology part, not really. Peter was a good guy. But it surprised him that they were still talking; he’d usually drop a subject if it got uncomfortable. Peter didn’t, hadn’t let the conversation end there, and took his feelings in consideration. Feelings Wade was content to push aside and stifle, perhaps suffocate on them later when he needed a reason to hate himself and then act like everything was okay the next minute.

“Well... you weren’t wrong,” Wade muttered, watching his index finger run up and down the length of his hot dog. It seemed like an idle gesture and an afterthought that he was also smearing the ketchup, mustard, and relish all over the place. But his thoughts were preoccupied with Peter now. “I haven’t and I don’t think I will. She’s... too good for me.”

“That’s not...” Peter paused. True? Sure, Wade was difficult. Hard to handle. But how could he reassure Wade of anything when he felt Dot was even too good for him?

Wade scoffed.

“No, it’s not that,” Peter brought up, knowing he left his sentence hanging after an awkward reassurance. “I feel the same way.”

Wade’s head snapped up, eyes questioning and expressing disbelief. “What the fuck are you talking about, Webs?!”

“I think Dot’s too good for me, too.” he put bluntly. “I mean, between the two of us, she’d... be in a hard position.” The innuendo was on Wade’s face and Peter shut it down before he said anything. “Not in that way. Geez. You have Ellie, you know how tough it is for a loved one.”

“Oh. That.”

“Yeah... that. You don’t seem too bothered.”

“I’m just thinking about introducing Ellie to her new mommy.”

Peter’s eyes narrowed. “Weren’t you just telling me how you felt she was too good for you?”

“And weren’t you about to reassure me that that wasn’t true?”

“Eat your hot dog, Wade.” Peter shook his head with a grin while Wade chuckled. The two slipped into comfortable silence, each thinking about their own hang-ups with Dot. The two sharing insecurities in a way that could only compliment each other. And neither could finish their hot dogs.

“Out of anyone on this sometimes miserable rock,” Wade quietly spoke up after a while, “you shouldn’t be worried about Dot being too good for you. I don’t think that’s possible.” He was poking his fingers together, watching his hands do the gesture. He refused to lift his head while he continued speaking as if what he was trying to say was a hard thing to admit. “You two are a pretty damn good match; you’re good looking and she’s good looking. You guys are going to make some ridiculously good looking children.”

“Wade...”

“No, I mean it.”

It wasn’t about “meaning it” -- Peter knew that Wade’s compliments towards him were always genuine. He never really understood why Wade could look up to someone like him given the type of person Wade was -- Peter wasn’t just flattered. That seemed too weak of a word, too impersonal, for as long as he’s known Wade. Peter reached over and lifted the corner of Wade’s mask. Wade reacted negatively almost immediately, slapping Peter’s hand away on reflex. But his shoulders relaxed as did his demeanor as Peter reached for his mask again, lifting it, and pulling it away from his face.

Wade’s mouth was covered in ketchup and mustard smeared on his face thanks to his hastily retreat in his mask. Peter grabbed a napkin from his other side and proceeded to clean Wade’s face.

“You and Dot would make a good couple, too.” Peter grinned somewhat through his teeth. “As much as it pains me to admit it because... I’m really jealous thinking about the two of you together. She’ll be good for you.” 

Wade remained silent, almost statuesque, because he didn’t want to ruin the moment by opening his big, loud mouth to say something wholly inappropriate -- which he was really tempted to do with Peter so close to his mouth. But the talk of being together with Dot was enough for him to push that inappropriateness at the far recesses of his crazed mind to think of a future with the woman they both felt strongly about.

“She’ll be really good,” Peter continued, his features taking on a kind expression now. “because she understands how we feel. She’s incredibly sympathetic to understand what we’re dealing with on a daily basis and you don’t get that from a lot of people. All the under appreciation and blame that gets put on us for what?”

“Saving people?” Wade asked, looking up at Peter like a little boy would. He got too carried away by the sensation of Peter taking care of him, he caught himself leaning in as Peter spoke. Just as Peter had gotten carried away with the thought of his past conversations of venting and unloading on Dot’s sympathetic ear.

Peter seemed to blink back into the present, his head moving down to see that Wade was in his personal space, close to leaning against his chest like some kind of harlequin romance cover.

He pulled Wade’s mask back over his face and gave his cheek a pat; it was his way of regaining some of his space back without being too dismissive and snapping whatever daydream Wade was running in his head through the poker like sticking a finger through a blown pink wad of bubblegum. “Yeah. Saving people.”

“You never seemed to have a problem with that before,” Wade pointed out, straightening back into his seat. “you’re all about the little guy.”

“You’re right. I’m not bothered -- wasn’t bothered by things like that. And caring about the little guy, that hasn’t changed. But what has changed was to recognize that the problem of shifting the blame was still there. To realize that sometimes, everything sucks and it’s okay to be hurt over how I seemingly get blamed for everything bad that happens in my city. But it’s not Spider-Man’s -- no, it’s not my fault.”

Wade’s mouth was wide open under his mask and his finger came up to point at him like an afterthought. “Dot totally said that. She’s making you do some inner reflecting, huh?”

“Which is why I said she’d be good for you, too.” Peter laughed quietly, looking down at his own hands now locked together on his lap. He absently twiddled his thumbs as he continued. “Before I met Dot, I never thought about what other people called me or how they perceived me, didn’t put stock into it. I never thought about how it might have bothered me if I let it but sometimes people blame you for some pretty horrific things they can’t take responsibility for and it can weigh on your conscience sometimes without you realizing it. Even logically knowing better, even knowing you had nothing to do with how events turned out, you can’t help but feel responsible when things go bad. I felt... tired of carrying other people’s burdens, it was getting to me. But... Dot was the first person to tell me that it was okay, that I wasn’t meant to, and while that sounds like a pretty obvious thing, I can’t tell you how much of a relief that was to hear it from someone else, you know?”

Wade nodded quietly as Peter turned to face him. 

“She taught me that it was alright to give myself a break even if it was hard to do at first. I still struggle with it. I still find ways to blame myself for things I had no control over. But it helps, at the end of the day, to climb up to Dot’s balcony and just talk to her about it. She really puts things into perspective for you.”

“She’s warm.” Wade supplied and Peter caught himself chuckling and nodding in agreement.

“Exactly. Like a mom or something.”

Wade exhaled through his mask, “The things I’d do to Mother.” He paused as he caught Peter’s expression, “What? We’ve both established we have a thing for her. I’m not allowed to talk about it?”

“N-No, that’s not it but--” Peter’s lips pursed together. There was an ugly emotion that reared its ugly head whenever he heard another man talk about Dot the way he could only think about. And there was the conflict that both he and Wade were in the same position -- in love with the same woman. This was a messy situation but things with Deadpool were rarely ever clean. But he didn’t harbor any ill will towards Wade. There was obvious affection Peter held for the mouthy Merc but affection he was still too hesitant on exploring. Then Dot entered his life and his emotions were too stormy to weather. The entire thing was complicated.

Wade placed an arm around Peter, leaning his head against his. “Don’t worry, you’re still my boo. I’m sure the three of us will live happily ever after.”

“The three of us?” Or perhaps he was the one complicating it. It seems Wade had his own little fantasy playing out before him.

“Of course, how else did you think this was going to work out?” he asked, booping Peter on the nose. “I’m not letting you have her by yourself and I’m definitely not breaking up with you, either.”

Peter floundered because he had no ding-dang idea what the alternative was and he chose to ignore Wade’s delusion that they were ever an item. There was never a label, but to say nothing was there wasn’t entirely truthful either. Between Wade’s innuendos, constant touching and flirting, and all the times they were tied up against each other, there had been a couple of curious heart to hearts, curious what-ifs, and compromising situations he couldn’t chalk up to meaning nothing. Peter was open to Wade, the attraction was there...

...but he hadn’t considered a relationship with Dot and Wade at the same time. “I mean... it’s not unheard of...” he murmured as his hand came up to pinch his chin. His eyes were squinted in thought.

“That’s the spirit!” Wade boasted happily. 

Honestly, he was surprised Peter was even open to the idea as he always seemed resistant about crossing the line in their strange, little relationship. Yeah, that line. His eyes were crescent shaped in happiness and a smile was bold and broad on his face as he stared on as Peter mulled this over.

“This just seems... like a bad idea...”

“No, it doesn’t. Don’t tell yourself that. We haven’t even tried.”

“No, we haven’t but that’s probably a good thing. Dot shouldn’t be exposed to this...”

Wade held up their linked hands, “We’re practically married, Pete. And I spent an entire week with Dot, alone. She’s already been exposed to a lot.”

Peter’s expressionless mask turned to face Wade who was still smiling, still holding his hand. There had been a long conversation about what that entire week had consisted of and Wade was not shy on leaving out any of the details; he especially laid it on thick after Peter learned about the kiss. He would have ignored him for days after that if Wade hadn’t given him a pretty heated kiss, too. Wade would have reasoned he was passing the kiss from Dot onto Peter but that was only a half-truth. Wade wanted to kiss Peter, too. And Peter was tormented with the thought that he could have sworn he tasted Dot on Wade’s mouth. It was partly what had spurred him on to returning the kiss; the other part, Peter didn’t want to touch down on quite yet.

He turned his gaze away and figured sorting his feelings out for Wade was for another time.

“Okay, let’s say... hypothetically, I’m considering this...”

There was a saying among the superheroes that if you gave Wade Wilson an inch, he would take a mile. 

“It’s just a consideration, Wade! Nothing is set in stone!”

“I’m going to tell Dot the good news right away!”

“You definitely can’t do that, she’s going to think we’re crazy!” Peter tried to reason, tried to actually put his heart into stopping Wade. But honestly, the prospect of entering into a relationship with Dot was stopping him from seeing reason -- even if he had to claim Wade along with that. Though, to be honest, claiming Wade wasn’t bad because he thought it would feel the same as things were, anyway. “Besides, she’s not even in town--”

“Yeah, that’s why we’re going after her.”

“What?”

“It’s romantic! And it’ll increase the chances of her saying yes to being our hot lady in the middle of our love sandwich.”

“Love... sandwich...?” Peter repeated, watching as Wade stood to his feet. He rarely got swept away with any of Wade’s plans, taking point whenever they were paired together that it felt he was often babysitting Wade. But this time... this time it would be nice to let his fantasy become a reality. Sure, there was a part of him that was scared about what Dot would say about everything but confronting her with his feelings was something he was determined to do. Peter Parker wasn’t a coward and he wasn’t about to let this opportunity slip through his fingers. Even if it came with strange conditions. 

Doable, but strange.

Dot cursed her luck coasting to the stop in the middle of the road. She hadn’t understood what was going on with her car; everything told her it was all in working condition but it just stopped working all of a sudden. There wasn’t any warning lights or strange sounds to signal to her that she was going to have to make an emergency stop. But her car was stalled in the middle of the two lane road and she couldn’t even put on her hazards. The car was completely dead.

She thought to pop the hood of her car before stepping out of the car. Circling around, she ducked her head and looked at everything which made up the car. Granted, she wasn’t freaking car savvy whatsoever, but she had her phone and she had looked up what could suddenly make a car stop in its tracks.

A couple of suggestions she could tick off right away. It wasn’t gas. She had made certain she filled up before she left and if there was any indication she was running low, she would have immediately made a pit stop. On road trips, she didn’t want to push her luck with running out of gas and be stuck in the same position she was in now.

It wasn’t the battery, which she was now looking at. Everything about the rent-a-car was extremely new. She had a report even attached with her keys about when everything was last serviced.

So, spark plugs wouldn’t be it, either.

It was a complete mystery! 

The next logical thing to do was to find out where the nearest town was and to call its towing service.

“It sucks to be an adult sometimes,” Dot muttered. Her fingernail was tapping along the screen, navigating through maps trying to find her location. Her hip was leaning against the side of the car and every so often, she looked up to see if there was a car heading her way. She didn’t like to hitchhike, as it was dangerous as shit, but so was standing out in the middle of the road.

She remedied that by moving off the road as much as it unnerved her by having her back turned towards the lush green landscape surrounding the highway on both sides. While there was a sparse assortment of trees and greenery just heading out of New York, some parts of the highway was concealed by thicker parts the further you went along. For instance, Orwell, NY seemed to have nothing but forests surrounding it. But then again, it was a small town.

And as luck would have it, there was another small town surrounding the area. Dot was soon placing an order to their tow truck service and was told that they would be there in fifteen minutes to pick her up. That was good news! She didn’t have to be out there all night and it was incredibly dangerous staying out on the road like this. To pass the time, she fiddled with her phone for a bit to take her mind off things. 

Dot was leaning against a tree when she launched her contacts list. She scrolled through with no thought on actually contacting anyone when her finger hovered over Daddypool which made her laugh. She had no intention on changing Wade’s hand in her contacts list. That dork. 

Scrolling further, she finally landed on Peter B. Parker. Talking about a dork, who puts in their entire name? She smiled to herself, thinking back to that day when she had handed her cell over and watched him program in his phone number. It was probably a good idea to call someone, to alert anyone about the predicament she was in and that person was sure to be Peter. Sure, she could try and fool herself that she needed to have someone keep her company while she got everything settled, but she knew she missed hearing from him.

The sound of gravel crunching on the road picked up her head and for a moment, she forgot about calling Peter. She saw headlights coming her way from the opposite direction and pocketed her phone immediately. She watched as it slowly pulled to a stop across the street; SHERIFF was printed in huge, bold letters on the side of the body. She blinked in surprise, looking up and down the road. She was a little weary of strangers, law enforcement being no exception. She just wasn’t too fond of people.

A woman stepped out of the vehicle and Dot could feel her shoulders relax as the door slammed behind her. The presence of another woman wasn’t as intimidating or unsure as a male’s when you were a lone female on the side of the road. Especially if the other woman was of color.

“Hello... sheriff,” Dot greeted though she still sounded cautious.

“Hey there.” the sheriff greeted casually in return matched with an easy-going smile. She looked both ways before crossing the highway and stopped to stand in front of Dot’s car. There was a moment of silence Dot took as the Sheriff taking in the scene. From the way her gaze scanned the area, she was making sure that nothing was out of the ordinary; for Dot’s safety and for her own.

“Having car trouble?” She paused and then laughed, “Sounds pretty stupid to ask that, of course you’re having trouble.”

Dot laughed in return, “Yeah, it just suddenly stopped on me.”

“Were you able to call anyone to help you?” the sheriff asked, stepping closer. Dot’s gaze snapped to the brass nameplate pinned to the unattractive uniform shirt that looked a little too formal, too clunky in places that should have been hugging a woman’s figure. At least the brown pants were pretty form fitting. 

Sheriff  Katherine

“Yeah, there’s a tow truck in the nearest city...” Dot supplied, snapping her fingers because she suddenly blanked on the name. That should have been strange, perhaps, considering she ran the name over many times in her head looking at the map of the surrounding area on her phone. But she was so focused on the presence of another person and add the anxiety of being stranded on the side of the road, it might have just been a culmination of the stressful situation adding up and making her forgetful. “The tow company, they said they’d help me. They should be coming soon, in about fifteen minutes?” It wasn’t a question Dot expected anyone to answer; it was the details somewhat becoming fuzzy.

“Ah yeah, I’m from that town.” Sheriff Katherine smiled before looking down at her own phone. “Fifteen minutes? How about I give you a lift into town so you’re not standing out here in the middle of the street? You’re heading out there anyway, right?”

Dot nodded but she didn’t quite say yes to the offer no matter how attractive the woman standing in front of her was. Something felt off but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Or perhaps it was an overactive imagination; authors do tend to have those. Maybe she was being silly... but maybe she should listen to her gut feeling.

Sensing Dot’s hesitation, Sheriff Katherine leaned over to peer into the open hood of the car. She scanned the insides for a second before straightening up, “Otis should be able to tell you if anything is wrong. And set you up on your way, too, seeing as he runs the mechanic shop in town. He’s pretty good with cars despite how huge his hands are, you’d think he’d be clumsy as heck but he’s grabby and doesn’t let anything go easily.”

“Otis?” Dot asked, suddenly imagining a very sweaty looking mechanic flirting with the line of sexual harassment. With huge, grabby hands apparently. She smiled nervously. Suddenly that ride with this much prettier and safer alternative was looking pretty good. “How long do you think it’ll take? I have somewhere else I need to be by tomorrow.”

Sheriff Katherine shrugged her shoulders and frowned, “I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I know almost nothing about the inner workings of a car but I can tell you about the law.”

Dot laughed and was somewhat put at ease despite the warning bells going off in her head. There was something not quite right about Katherine but no matter how she looked at it, she wasn’t doing anything wrong. But something was bothering her about the way Katherine was saying things that Dot almost got a manipulating feel from her. But that was ridiculous. She was probably being paranoid.

“I’ll take you up on that car ride,” Dot said, looking down at her wrist watch. “I don’t want to be out here any later than I have to.” Something told her that she shouldn’t expose her phone and that feeling was justified when Katherine asked if she should get her things before they left.

“No, I’ll just leave everything in my car. I mean, I’m going to be seeing it in a little while, anyway.”

“And your phone?”

“That’s in the car, too.”

“Perfect,” Katherine smiled with all of her teeth. The gesture would have been innocent enough if it didn’t give Dot the chills. But... what was she going to do? She acted normal enough and returned the smile as Katherine gestured at Dot to follow her. Dot nodded and pushed off the tree. She stopped in front of the car and made sure she closed the hood before moving towards the Sheriff’s car. She was unsure where she should sit...

“You’d probably feel better if you were seated in front,” Katherine laughed again, gesturing for her to sit at the passenger seat. “you’re not in any trouble or anything. Perfectly safe.”

Katherine ducked her head to settle inside the car and missed the look of skepticism on Dot’s face. She knew in every bit of her body that this was a bad idea. But when she weighed her choices, she had no idea what to do; she couldn’t go running off into the woods. The chances of Katherine knowing this place better than her stacked the odds against Dot. There was also no where to go. Dot would be running blind and she wasn’t keen on making herself look like a damn fool. Her only option was to comply and as soon as she understood what she got herself into, she would place an emergency phone call to someone she knew would help her out in a pinch: Peter and Wade. Then, she might call 911.

Surprisingly, the trip to town was around the corner. Albeit the corner was after a long stretch of highway Dot couldn’t have imagined walking the distance of but she was closer to the town of Ludor than she had known. Now that she thought about it, Ludor was a strange name for a town and she wouldn’t blame anyone for not being able to remember it. The population served fifty people, pretty damn small for even the small town standards nowadays! But it seemed lively and it put her at ease, watching children run down sidewalks and folks walking and talking among each other as they went about their business.

Katherine pulled over in front of what looked like an inn and stopped the car.

“This is the town’s B&B. We get a lot of people passing by this time of year coming back just in time as the weather starts to cool down. So this is the place folks tend to stay when they decide they wanna stay over with us instead of going to some sort of cheap, impersonal motel.”

Dot’s gaze dragged up the windshield to take in the building before her. The whole place looked like it came straight out of a catalog of 1890′s Victorian style housing. It probably was a big hit with tourists. Yet there was nothing sinister about it that put Dot off.

“I’ll talk about putting you up for a room just in case you get some bad news. But you can borrow a room for as long as it takes ‘til your car gets fixed.”

“That’s... really generous of you guys.” Dot said and she opened her car door as soon as Katherine prompted. As they walked up the stairs to the B&B, Dot took in more of the architecture. The front porch sat shaded under the classic Victorian triangles and slopes and supplied a couple of rocking chairs with inviting pillows. Katherine opened the screen door and then the front door and Dot was greeted with a cozy entrance lobby with a staircase off to the side, no doubt leading up to the rooms. In the lobby, there was a small seating area and a receptionist area with a big sign-in book sitting at the counter. Seated behind the desk was a sweet looking old woman with glasses daintily perched on her nose.

“Hello, Agnes.”

The old gray-haired woman looked up, her wrinkles making her look more like a bulldog than a human. Dot thought it was kind of charming in a cartoon-ish kind of way and when she spoke, her voice sounded like an old granny as she crooned, “Hello, Katherine, dear. Is this a guest?”

“Yes, this is...” Katherine paused in order for Dot to supply her name.

“Dot.”

“And she just needs something set up for today. Maybe tomorrow, but we’re not hoping for that.” she winked at Dot and Dot smiled back in return. They both watched as Agnes leaned down and slowly pulled up a huge book. She looked like she was struggling with it before she was finally able to drop it down in front of her. Then it took another agonizing minute for Agnes to lift the plastic binder cover and slowly, one page at a time, flip the pages until she landed on the page she wanted.

“We have no reservations for today or tomorrow so she is in luck,” Agnes looked up shaking and giving Dot a kind, grandmotherly smile. “in picking any room she wanted.”

Katherine playfully smacked the desk and didn’t seem to notice she made Agnes jump or noticed the way her old eyes widened in surprise. “What luck, indeed! They have four rooms to choose from but the Rose Room is their biggest one. You should snatch that up before plans change.”

Dot laughed, taking her gaze from Agnes onto Katherine who seemed more excited for her that she landed this room. “Alright, that sounds like a good idea.” she said. Her favorite flowers were roses and so it was already half-decided for her.

“You can go on up anytime you like dear,” Agnes said, slowly picking up the binder again with her shaking hands and the women both watched as she slowly lowered herself to place it back in its place under the desk. “if you get hungry, we’re serve breakfast at 8AM prompt tomorrow so it’s highly suggested you take an early night if you’re planning on staying.”

Dot politely nodded but she’d have none of that being a night owl; plus, she didn’t even plan on staying. But the prospect of food sounded good. “Is there... anywhere else to eat in the meantime?”

Katherine laughed, gesturing out towards the wide open bay window to an area across the street. Dot squinted and she could see a building on the other side. “You can cross over to the town’s bar for something to eat and if you’re looking to uh, wet your whistle.”

“Cool, thanks very much.” Dot smiled first to Katherine and then to Agnes. “Um, before I retire upstairs...” Dot trailed off slightly as Agnes very slowly pushed forward the Rose Room key towards her. Dot’s hand closed over the object and she gave her head a subtle shake before refreshing her smile, “Where is the auto shop? Tow place?”

“Ah yeah, almost forgot. How about I just let Agnes here ring you up when your car has arrived and from there, she’ll tell you where to go?”

Frankly, Dot didn’t see anything wrong with that. But that strange feeling came back to her. She didn’t want to make a big deal pressing for information about how to get back to her car so she nodded and figured while she was out and about in town, she’d ask around and find out from someone who could give her a straight answer.

“Sure, sounds good.” Dot said, giving Katherine and Agnes a nod before gesturing towards the staircase. “I’ll be on my way now. Thank you so much for the help Katherine and thank you for the room Agnes.”

“Not a problem,” Katherine said.

“Of course, dear.” Agnes parroted right after. As Dot was going up the stairs, she was quiet in her steps and intentionally took her time to see if the women would start talking without her there, perhaps resume some sort of conversation. But that was the weird part. She heard nothing. She hadn’t even heard Katherine leave. Thanks to the huge wooden railing and the way the stairs circled around, it was hard to see their faces or expression. But Dot knew they were there, just standing at the desk and probably listening to her ascend. It unnerved her to the point she hurried herself to find the Rose Room. She found it -- the only room with a rose painted on the door -- after passing the Peach Room, Green Room, Red Room, Blue Room, and Yellow Room. She didn’t even have time to think why the other rooms were colored and the room she reserved was the only flower-themed one.

Opening the door and then shutting it firmly behind her, Dot pressed her back against it and took a cautious gaze around the room. It looked normal enough; it had a huge queen-sized bed, a couple of antique dressers, chairs surrounding the bay window that looked outside towards town, and a separate bathroom. It was quiet and for a moment, it allowed Dot to feel safe. But at this point, she knew she was anything but.

It was starting to feel like a good time to call somebody. She reached into her pocket and felt a rush of relief to feel the familiar touch of her cell phone sitting like a heavy weight of reality at her side. It was what grounded her. Pulling it out, she was relieved to see that her contacts were still up and Peter’s name was the first thing she latched onto and it was the first one she called.

“I’M ALL OUT OF LOVE~” ♪

“Wade...”

“I”M SO LOST WITHOUT YOU~” ♪

“Wade!” Peter had the hardest time driving with Wade’s head and the upper half of the man’s muscular body trying to fit on his lap. So the only way to grab his attention was to jab his thumb against the eject button of the radio with enough force that it almost broke the console. Instead of breaking, however, the tape flew out and smacked Wade on the forehead.

“Hey, watch it, loverboy!” Wade sat up, grabbing the tape to see if there had been any damage done to what he had essentially slaved over for three days. “I made this mix tape with you and Dot in mind, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t kill it before Dot got the chance to hear it.”

Peter had to resist the urge to roll his eyes; he just didn’t know at what, yet. It was either Wade’s insistent use of nicknames somehow evolving on becoming a lot more than just endearing titles, Wade’s mix tape, or the fact he was singing along to it.

“She’ll have a chance to listen to it... after she hears the ridiculous idea we’re bringing to her.” Peter muttered, eyes drifting to the rear view mirror. He had long ago left behind New York and though it should have been a hard choice, it really wasn’t when he considered what he was moving towards. “And who knows, we’ll probably be listening to it on the way back holding back tears because she told us we were out of our minds. I’m this close to telling us we’re out of our minds.”

“Have a little faith, shwumpling.” Wade said, trying to fit his cassette into Peter’s radio. Peter gave Wade an incredulous look mainly because he wasn’t sure what that endearment had meant. “What? Shwumpling? It’s sugar dumpling. In baby speak. Know why?”

“No and I don’t care--”

“Because you’re my baby boy.” Wade grinned as he got the tape rolling again, and turned his head towards Peter with a triumphant smile. If Peter had to describe Wade’s appearance, it would be ridiculous. Yeah, he still had his mask on but he was in civvy clothes. Over his red costumed suit. Obviously, he was working through his own insecurities but he tried to make an effort. He took one step outside his apartment without his mask on before he scrambled back inside and changed.

Peter was different, he didn’t struggle with Wade’s self-image issues. He was just... Peter. If he was going to follow Dot miles away from home, he wanted to it in a way he could be vulnerable... to her, nothing between them. That was why he left his Spider-Man suit back at home.

Or so he thought.

“How old is this car, snookums?”

“I borrowed it from Aunt May...” Peter sheepishly said. “After what happened to the Buggy, I thought it would be a good idea to keep it out of commission for a while.”

“I thought it was broken?”

“It’s... not broken, but it’s not fixed either.” Peter lightly chuckled. “Maybe if things go well for us... with Dot, we can take her on a road trip.”

Wade’s mouth was wide open in surprise for the second time that day. It was hard for someone like Wade to contain his excitement and so he didn’t. He reached over, arms wrapping around Peter’s unsuspecting shoulders and pulled the man into a gigantic, tight hug. He was rubbing his masked cheek against Peter’s face, the brunette shouting in surprise as their car swerved in and out of the lanes of traffic.

It was a lucky thing they were the only ones on the road. 

After things settled down -- meaning Wade taking a nap in the passenger seat and his feet up on the dashboard -- Peter had some time to think. With nighttime fast approaching, Peter was unsure whether they would catch up to Dot in time. Dot had spoken about this trip through texting Peter Parker so he knew all the details about what her project consisted of and what hotel she would be staying at. It would also make sense for Peter Parker to arrive on her door and the secret about Spider-Man would definitely come out during revelations and admissions but there was a part of him that feared she would hate him for lying to her like this.

He supposed he’d cross the bridge when he got to it but there was no denying the new possibilities about just laying himself bare in front of her. He glanced over at Wade and was surprised by the swell of pride in his chest at his partner. Partner. Man, that word was going to take on a whole new meaning if things turned out okay after this.

This is wild and this was crazy. This was something Wade Wilson would do but who was to say this was something Peter Parker would do for the woman he loved, too? Maybe that was why he was so nervous, uncertain, because he wasn’t certain of what he’d do but he knew how far he would go for Dot.

It was a little while later that Peter reached over and smacked Wade on the shoulder. “Isn’t that the rent-a-car Dot showed you in her text?”

Wade slowly stirred in his sleep before his eyes opened. It took him a while to recognize where he was and what he was doing but as soon as he settled his sights on Peter, it all came flooding back to him. “Which one?” he lazily said, “she sends me a lot of texts, like... so many.”

Peter’s face could only be described as a straight line before he retorted, “That’s because you’re constantly sending her texts. The one from earlier, the model of her car.” he couldn’t understand why Wade would ask Dot for a picture of the car she was driving but considering how he was the one who suggested this trip, it wouldn’t surprise him that he had planned something like this from the start. He didn’t even want to think of the implications behind that. He heard Wade shifting in his seat as he slowed Aunt May’s car to a crawl to pull up behind the parked one.

“Yep... that’s the one.”

Peter glanced over, noting the dangerous change of note in Wade’s voice. It put him on edge because the only time Wade ever had a semblance of a serious demeanor was when Dot was involved. This couldn’t be good. Peter turned the car off cutting George Michael’s dulcet tone quietly crooning from the background and Wade got out almost immediately. Peter sat in the passenger seat, fearing the most. His Spider-Sense wasn’t going off but there was something unsettling about seeing Dot’s car parked out here in the middle of a long and lonely stretch of highway. From what he could tell, there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with it. If she had been in an accident, there would have been proof. Bent fender, perhaps a dent somewhere, anywhere, on the body. She couldn’t have had car trouble... the thing was a rent-a-car, while not unheard of, breaking down just wasn’t something they did especially not even five hours outside a large city like New York.

Wade circled the car, pressing his face against the window to see inside. He straightened up and shook his head, gesturing with both arms to the driver’s seat, “No one’s inside!”

That much was obvious but to be reassured of that fact was not pleasing to hear whatsoever. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of Peter’s stomach as he watched Wade walk over to his side, leaning in through the window. 

“I’m going to check the surrounding woods, Pete.”

Peter’s gaze rose to meet Wade’s. He stopped with the nicknames. Further proof that Wade was taking this serious. His worry must have been the most prominent thing on his face because Wade cupped his face and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“We’ll find her.”

Peter didn’t have it in him to argue or push Wade away. He just nodded and gestured at the center console where his phone was, “I’ll call her cell.”

Wade thumped the hood of the car two times with the palm of his hand before pushing off the car, “Good idea, smarty pants!” he grinned, walking off towards the direction of the woods. Wade might have lightened up his tone but that was no doubt for Peter’s sake -- one of them had to be normal. 

Peter leaned over and reached for his phone, his hands brushing the cool metal before fumbling it in his troubled thoughts. He sighed out heavily through his nose, further leaning down to reach for the thing down on the ground. “Gosh dang it!” he quietly muttered, fingers stretching and curling. He just had to pack away his suit and web slingers!

“This the one?”

Peter’s head snapped up so fast, he almost hit it on the steering wheel.

“Uh-huh.”

“What about the other one?”

Peter froze, lowering himself so he wouldn’t be seen. He had no idea why he thought to hide, he just did it without thinking. Perhaps being so used to Spider-Man, he wasn’t sure how to act as a plain ol’ civilian -- hiding wasn’t a normal response. But who were these people anyway? Peter slowly rose his head so he could be able to peer as much as he could onto the scene unfolding in front of him. There were a couple of people in cars pulled over on the side of the road and a couple of people walking along the road, seemingly coming out from the woods. They were carrying toolboxes and one of them had a jack. A couple of car doors opened and closed. Peter watched them surround Dot’s car. That terrible feeling was beginning to have substance to it now. But Peter didn’t make himself known quite yet; he remained ducked and out of sight as he listened on.

“Why are there two cars here?”

“I’unno, I got the same report you did. One car, one lady. If we got another car, that’s pretty cool too, I guess. We can scrap ‘em both. We have the room.”

“But where are the owners?”

“They couldn’t have gone far if we don’t see them around here, you know Uldor has it so anyone can find this place. They’re probably in town already.”

There was a murmur of agreement before the sound of clanking and scrapes caused Peter to take a real good look at what they were doing. He couldn’t tell since a couple of large bodies were in his way. He noted that their backs were turned to him and he quietly and very stealthily and with the flexibility of, well, Spider-Man, he crawled out of his open window. The quiet padding of his hands and feet crawling to the hood of the car went unheard as the louder tinkering masked his movements. He crouched on top of Aunt May’s car, trying to get a better look at what they were doing to Dot’s rent-a-car.

It was clear now that they were doing what he had assumed -- they were pulling the tires off and taking parts away. They were stripping it. He looked around to see if Wade was anywhere nearby. He caught a flash of red and inwardly groaned.

“What do you think you’re doing to my girlfriend’s car!?” Wade’s question was that much more dramatic as he landed on the hood of his so-called girlfriend’s car and blew out the windows with the force of his landing. Peter looked up, wondering just how far he fell and was he climbing trees all this time?!

Peter flipped backwards off the hood as Wade distracted the others and quietly landed on the gravel. He was behind the trunk and he peered around the car, wondering how he was going to assist Wade without compromising his identity.

“Who the fuck are you?” someone shouted.

“Who the fuck are you?!” Wade shouted in retaliation. He did a good job with taking the men off-guard, and they stumbled back dropping their tools with a clatter onto the concrete. He kicked a man in the face, punched another, and soon, it was an all out brawl of flying fists and huge men just fighting in the street.

“SPIDEY, DOING YOUR THING WOULD BE MUCH HELPFUL RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO KILL THESE PEOPLE!” Wade chimed over his shoulder. “AND I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO KILL THESE PEOPLE!”

“Who is he talking to?!” someone shouted, looking around before the butt of Wade’s katana knocked out their teeth.

“DON’T!” Peter grit his own teeth, “YOU KNOW WHY I CAN’T!”

“Oh,” Wade said, ducking someone’s desperate tackle. The person went skidding along the asphalt and Wade snapped his head towards Aunt May’s car. “I DIDN’T TELL YOU, HUH?”

“TELL ME WHAT?”

“LOOK IN THE TRUN--OOF!”

“WHERE IS HIS PARTNER?” another man shouted while succeeding on punching Wade, cutting off his sentence. Men looked around confused for a second before the rumble continued.

Peter’s eyes widened and making a snap decision he was probably going to find hard to explain, he smacked the side of Aunt May’s trunk with his fist, the force immediately popping it open. He pulled out his trunk and found that his Spider-Suit had been packed with the rest of his belongings, folded neatly on top with one of Wade’s crude kindergarten drawings of his symbol blowing a kiss and winking up at him.

Peter grinned and for once, he was grateful for Wade’s meddling.

Wade looked around as the men circled around him carrying variations of the tools they were using to dismantle the car. Normally, he wouldn’t have a problem putting them into the ground but it was just so much harder to win fights without seriously maiming someone. He twirled one of his katanas in his hand, knowing damn well Peter was going to have to subdue them his way with his webbing if he wanted anyone of them to survive. If anyone asked Wade, though, if they were involved with Dot’s disappearance, they didn’t deserve to.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” Spider-Man landed into the “ring” next to Deadpool. “but I seem to be having a little car trouble.”

Deadpool cracked a grin, snorting in amusement as he tacked on, “Don’t think we’re going to have any luck with these guys, here. They don’t seem to know the first thing about cars--” Wade kicked his foot out, catching the nearest jack that had been on the floor and sent it flying into some guy’s face. His head snapped backwards, blood and a few teeth went flying out of his head.

“To be fair,” Spider-Man quipped, “we don’t either!” He spun a web around the man Deadpool just assaulted while he was distracted and hurt, sticking him to the ground.

It was as easy as setting them up and knocking them down at this point. 

Spider-Man finished webbing all the “bad guys” together in a huge cocoon that sat at the side of the road. They were unconscious and didn’t really provide any answers as Spider-Man and Deadpool put the beat down on them.

“That’s it,” Peter huffed, clapping his hands clean. “Don’t know who we can call to take care of these guys but they mentioned a town around here. Maybe we can get some answers there and call the local law enforcement to clean up.”

“Dot’s got to be at that town, then.”

“No doubt,” Peter frowned, putting his hands on his hips. “I can’t believe our luck. Even outside of New York, we keep running into creeps.”

“Yeah,” Wade shook his head, “the world is kind of a shitty place but it’s a little bit better with Dot out there in it.”

Wade was right, of course. Peter’s arms dropped to the side and the two of them sunk into a silence thinking about Wade’s phrase. Dot was out there, needing their help now.

Peter broke the silence as he gestured at Aunt May’s car, “Come on, we better get a move on.”

The men piled inside and clad in their Spider-Man and Deadpool costume, roared down the road seated side by side.

Dot had been disappointed with the bar selection and had retired back into the Rose Room as soon as she finished her burger and Pepsi. The place itself wasn’t too bad, it was what she could expect from a bar and the people were friendly and didn’t give her any hostile feeling whatsoever.

But now that she was in her room, she thought about her time spent at this strange town of Ludor. There was something she couldn’t quite put her finger on that didn’t seem right but at the face value of it, everything was picture perfect. Perhaps seeming too perfect was the flaw itself.

She thought back to the unclear directions she got about the auto-tow shop, too. No one gave her a straight answer and she couldn’t recall whether it was on purpose or people just weren’t paying attention to what she was asking. She got sent to one end of town and walked the length of the other. She was tired and irritated. Night had fallen quickly and Agnes never really phoned her about the status of her car arriving. Perhaps she should go and check...

Dot looked down at her phone and noted the time. It was nearing one o’clock at night! Wow! When had it gotten so late?! This was definitely not normal. There was no telling if Agnes was still going to be up this hour but Dot figured there was something she could probably look into at the front desk, even if she had to break into the cabinets herself.

She got up off her bed and immediately froze. She heard something outside her door. Her lights had been turned off for a while now and she had been laying in bed, trying to get rid of the headache that was her experience in this little town. Supposing to anyone looking at her window, they would have assumed she turned in long ago. Dot stood rooted in place; there was no doubt about it. She was hearing sound outside her door.

It was faint whispering, and she could recognize Katherine, Agnes, but there was a male voice she couldn’t pin.

“I think the poor dear tuckered herself out. I heard from Samson she went asking around for the shop.” Dot heard Agnes say.

“I bet she was sent on a wild goose chase.” That was Katherine. “There is no auto-tow shop around here. Makes you wonder what the others told her.”

“Probably what they needed to. It’s a good thing she wasn’t suspicious about anything. Her car taken care of?” This was the male voice now. The one she didn’t recognize but he spoke with the authority that made Dot feel he was the one in charge between the three. 

“Yes, Row and the boys went to take it apart. Easy enough to explain car trouble about to be squared away to anyone that pulls over and wants to lend a hand.”

“Normally, it’d be nice to have extra bodies around but we can’t afford that right now. Our guest here was a surprise. I didn’t think the Master had any plans on visitors this month.” It was the man again. It threw Dot off guard when he brought up the bit about the Master. Who? What the fuck was going on? But Dot would be a damn fool to stick around to see.

Dot was quietly making her way towards the window not eager to find out, either. The bay window, she could see by now, was bolted shut. There was another window in the bathroom if she could remember correctly. A sound at the door caught her attention and her heart nearly popped out of her chest. Her vision zeroed in at the doorknob to see it turning. They were trying to get inside now.

It was a good thing that Dot always locked her doors. She hurried now, rushing to the window and tried to pry it open. It wasn’t bolted but it was stuck. She looked around before giving up half-way and started to be not so kind to it, anymore. Fuck the noise and fuck that noise, she was going to survive.

“Shit, I hear something. I think she’s trying to escape!”

There was a loud thud as a body slammed against the door and Dot shrieked, jumping in place. She slammed the bathroom door shut just to put another barrier in place and stood on the toilet. She grasped at the nearest thing that would support her slight weight as she sent a foot kicking at the pane. It took a couple of times before the wood started to splinter and Dot took that as a sign that it was unstuck. At the same time she opened the window, she heard the door crash open. She didn’t even look back as she climbed out. She was through it as the bathroom door slammed open and she was suddenly falling into a bed of roses that softened her landing -- just a little; she didn’t even have the time to appreciate the irony of that as the wind was knocked out of her lungs. But she scrambled to her feet, taking off towards the middle of town where she knew the road to be that would take her out of town.

She could hear the front door open to the inn as she circled around the B&B but she didn’t dare look back. She was tempted, especially after hearing someone shout after her, and then hearing footsteps as she was chased into the street she was seeking.

It was surprising when two headlights almost collided into her. Dot crouched into her self, yelling in surprise, and ready to feel the impact of her inevitable doom and yet... it never came.

“Dot?”

Her head snapped up.

“Spider-Man? Deadpool?!”

She didn’t even wait for an explanation, planting her hands on the car and circling it just to pop open the backseat and dive inside. She was safe now. The boys were here. Her boys were here.

“We got to get her to a safe place,” Peter reasoned, looking in the backseat to ensure that Dot was okay. “What happened, are you okay...” He trailed off as his eyes caught movement of the town coming alive. People were coming out of nearby buildings with torches and pitchforks. “--what the heck is going on here?”

Wade’s face was pressed up against the window, taking in the sights as well. “I’m going to lose my last shred of sanity.”

“You can’t lose what you don’t have!” Peter quipped back and without even thinking, put the car in reverse, backed up, and then veered away from the people now throwing rocks at them.

Wade turned back around, wide-eyed. “Seriously, are you guys seeing the same thing I am because if not, I’ve got to tell you. I’m experiencing something that can only come out of some weird fanfiction plot.”

“We all see it, Wade!” Peter said, a little short-tempered. His eyes kept flickering back to Dot who hadn’t once sat up or said anything else. She was probably in shock. Or trying to gather her bearings. Peter was just determined on putting as much distance from Dot and this town as much as possible. And then, maybe coming back later to take care of whatever operation was going down--

Peter was somewhere in the middle of mid-thought and trying to process this situation when out of nowhere, they crashed. It was as if an invisible wall erupted from the ground. The car was instantly stopped, both Peter and Wade bashing their heads on the steering wheel and dashboard. It was a good thing no one flew out the windshield! Peter groaned and instantly turned around to see what had happened to Dot.

She looked dazed but she was okay, considering the crash they just had.

“What happened?” she asked, groaning in pain. She brought a hand to her head and pulled it away to see if she had been bleeding.

“I don’t know,” Peter said, uncertain. He heard Wade getting out of the car in the form of breaking glass and a heavy thud falling onto the ground as he squeezed himself out the window. And then, he heard Wade.

“Do you guys have any idea what I have in that car?! MY BABIES ARE IN THERE!” 

BLAM!

BLAM!

BLAM!

“PRECIOUS. CARGO!”

“I thought you didn’t bring your guns!” Peter shouted, sticking his head and then the rest of his body out his window the second time that day. The front of the car was totaled. There was no way he was getting his door open.

“I lied!” Wade threw over his shoulder and then, “It’s a good thing, too! We needed them!”

“Just... don’t kill anyone!” Peter warned as he crawled along the roof and then dropped down to Dot’s side of the car, nearly ripping the door off its hinges.

“Come on, sweetheart,” he urged in a soft voice, offering his hand with a curl of his fingers. “let’s get you somewhere safer.”

Dot looked up and swore the Spider-Man was her personal guardian angel. “Did we crash into something?” she asked, gingerly placing her hand in his. Spider-Man wrapped his hand tightly around hers, firm yet careful about how he pulled her out. He bundled her to his chest, looking around. He couldn’t see anything in front of them but the car was definitely resting against something like they had crashed into.

“I... think so,” he said, maneuvering out of the wreckage. He settled Dot to her feet, his arms spread out to catch her if she felt dizzy enough to fall. “Are you alright? Do you think you can find someplace to lay low while Deadpool and I handle this?”

Dot nodded and then took off in the direction of the bar. It was the nearest building she could see and she figured all the townsfolk were out and about fighting Spider-Man and Deadpool. This time she did glance back, proud of them, before bursting through the door and taking a look around to make sure she really was alone.

The place was empty, eerily so, and it seemed not a body was in sight. She paused to ensure there was no one upstairs or in the back rooms she might have been able to catch by stray footsteps or the like.

Silence.

Nothing.

Dot felt confident, ducking under the bar trying to tuck herself into a corner so in case someone did come in, they wouldn’t see her easily. She was backing up, placing herself against the wall when she hit something solid. She assumed it was the wall and turned around to make certain.

A strangled cry of surprise tore from her throat as she locked eyes on a little girl, tucked into the corner she was trying to get into. 

That was right! She saw a lot of kids today. While normally a soft spot, she couldn’t help but feel weary. She didn’t want to throw hands with a 10 year old.

“You have to help us.” the little girl pleaded. Dot sat there at a loss for words. She didn’t trust a damn person in this town but kids were different. They always have been and always will be her weakness.

“H-Help?” she asked, nervously. She kept her voice lowered just in case. She nearly jumped when more kids surrounded her, all crouched to her level and all with the same pleading look in their eyes.

“Help us,” a little boy said, placing his hand on Dot’s knee. He was dressed in a little suit, but had a hideous scar going down the right side of his face.

“He’s placed a curse on us...” another little girl spoke, wearing what seemed to be her Sunday's best. She had a little red bow in her hair and shiny, black shoes. Dot’s heart wrenched for these children.

“A curse? Who?”

“Uldor...”

Peter was glad to see that Wade could keep his promise on not killing any of the townspeople. He was able to knock pitchforks out of their hands and make them retreat enough until he started to run out of ammo.

“It’s time for the slicing and dicing,” Wade muttered, reaching behind himself to pull out his sheathed katanas. Peter held out a hand though as he noticed something.

“Wait, Deadpool. They’re not attacking us anymore.”

“Did they give up?”

Peter’s Spider-Sense was going off so that was a negative. He looked around but couldn’t find the source. “No...”

“Then why--?”

“I can answer that.” 

The source came to him, it seemed. A tall, skinny man walked out of the crowd that parted like the sea for him. He was wearing a robe and carrying a staff held high above his head while the other was outstretched towards Peter and Wade. There were millions of jokes running through Peter’s mind but he found he couldn’t crack a single one of them. His gaze kept darting back to the building where he saw Dot run into. It wasn’t the time for jokes. It wasn’t the time to make light of a situation where Dot could very well get hurt if he wasn’t taking this seriously.

“What the fuck is Gandalf doing here?”

Apparently, Wade thought differently. 

Or perhaps it was the balance Peter needed in order to keep things from getting too serious.

“Gandalf? How insulting.” The man in the robe spoke in a haughty tone, clearly looking down his nose at the duo. “My name is Uldor and I rule this town and its inhabitants. You have crossed into my territory.”

“You rule this town?” Peter asked, looking confused. He looked around at the townspeople surrounding them. No one moved. No one even blinked. “What is wrong with them?” he asked, pointing at the crowd.

Uldor smirked now, a twist of the goatee, and he looked really proud of what he was about to say. “They are under my curse. This town was set free from its falsities, I’ve made it become what it truly was meant to be!” he shouted with his arms ever rising.

“The hell does that mean?” Wade asked. But Uldor was all too eager to tell. Isn’t that what they do? Break out into their monologue? And so Uldor was no different.

“Many years ago, I stumbled upon this town when I was just a traveler in search for food and water to quench my thirst--”

“The hell year was this?” Wade asked once more, looking around. “We’re not even five hours away from New York, you know, that real big city over the hill there? Why are you acting you were traveling across the Saha--”

“SILENCE!”

The man swiped his hand and with unseen force, Wade was lifted off his feet and thrown into the nearest building. Peter spun, shouting out for Wade before turning back to face Uldor, “What was that?!”

Uldor didn’t answer him because he went back to telling his story like nothing happened, “This town was ripe with hospitality everywhere, around every corner, I was met with smiles, I was put up in a room. People supplied comfort and reassurance. But I feel tell they weren’t genuine. Underneath the many smiles hid fangs and venom, hidden intentions that would best be risen to the surface. But I couldn’t call them out on it. I put it to the test. I put a curse on them, this town would suffer its own destruction unless it acted selfishly to save itself. If they were truly as good as they made themselves up to be, they would be sacrificing themselves for the greater good.”

Peter’s face contorted into frustration. “...And if they weren’t up for sacrificing themselves?”

“Well. The town is still standing, is it not?”

Spider-Man’s jaw clenched. “What do they have to do to save themselves?” he asked again.

Uldor grinned, a hideous sight. There was perverse pleasure in saying out loud that he had been right all along. “These people sacrifice others so they may prologue their life here. They trap tourists, innocent travelers, families, whatever it takes to keep the life-blood flowing into their veins. They use their entire town as a means to save themselves.”

Spider-Man didn’t know whether to feel pity or anger for these fools. He wasn’t looking at people anymore. As he gazed around the faces of the crowd around him, he was looking as husks. Townsfolk ghosts of their former selves. He tore his gaze away from the crowd and onto Uldor again.

“How do you set these people free?”

Uldor looked unamused, quirking his head as he stared down the man in a funny, red suit. “They cannot be free. They must forever feed from the life source of outsiders to sustain themselves. Otherwise, they will be destroyed. I won, either way. I got my answer. Whether I was right or wrong, I would have gotten a substantial food source by sucking the souls away from these people had they sacrificed themselves. But they didn’t and now I have an endless supply.”

“Wow, you really are evil...” Wade’s voice came from the wooden planks that had fallen over his body. He stopped to listen as well, even if that meant he was catching his breath during the duration. He sat up, shaking his head from the debris. “Whatever you hit me with, whoo, buddy. That’s got an nasty kick. Be careful, Webs.”

Spider-Man nodded. This was going to be a tough fight. He didn’t know what to do about the townspeople and he wasn’t sure what the conditions were for breaking a curse. There was one person he could call up but he didn’t think he would have time to make a personal call. It was up to Spider-Man and Deadpool to save what could be safe of this town.

“I cannot let you leave,” Uldor taunted. He was gesturing for some of the townsfolk to resume their attack.

“Well, we’re not staying.” Spider-Man retorted, glancing over as Deadpool made it back to his side. “What do you think, Deadpool?”

“I think it’s time you give me a nickname--oh, that’s not what you were talking about.” Deadpool took a stance. 

“Slice and dicing time...?”

“You know me so well, Webs.”

Dot listened to the children’s tale of Uldor and the curse he put on the town. What a complete dick. But the children had a much sadder tale. They were forced to remain children for as long as the curse was active. For as long as the town was “alive” and they were so very tired, so weary, of staying the same.

“I don’t know how I can help you break this curse,” Dot whispered, looking troubled. Some of the children were resting against her, and she had taken to comforting some of them. “do you guys have anything for me?”

“We do,” Annalise, the one with the bow, said. She pointed at the floorboards of the bar. “the Master keeps the amulet of all his power down there.”

Dot paused, swallowing thickly. “...Down where?” But she already knew. She shook her head, “Okay, don’t...answer that,” she said softly. “Just show me where I can go before I lose my nerve.”

There was no way Dot was going to let these children suffer anymore than they had to. Even if she had to put on the bravest face she ever had to in her life.

This was where she found herself now. She was crawling along the small space underneath the bar’s floorboards. If she could look up, she could see the bar through the cracks. It was a little dusty and musty down here but she was doing well so far. She just hoped nothing jumped out at her in this small space. She didn’t think she would survive.

Meanwhile, it had grown quiet outside and she thought she could hear talking. She assumed the Big Bad Meanie showed up and was now making his monologue -- why do bad guys do that, she wanted to ask -- but she knew she didn’t really have time to focus on that. She had to get to the amulet and then find a way to destroy it. From what she was told, it was where he stored all his excess power from the townsfolk when they met more than their quota. She had mixed feelings about the townsfolk themselves but she always pitied the children in situations like this. They had no control over the decisions of adults, why did they have to suffer, too?

Dot cursed silently to herself wondering when she was going to find this thing when she heard something of a magical humming. That had to mean she was close! Pretty soon, she was looking at a small cut out in the ground, just a bit deeper than her crawling space. The area glowed an eerie soft glow of green as her eyes scanned the small enclosed cut out. She just had crawl down because the floorboards above her didn’t leave much room for anything else. She didn’t even think she could stand in that small cut out -- it was that short! Maybe if she tried to stretch--

“WHOA!”

Spider-Man came flying into the bar, crashing through the wooden foundation and splintering into the hole Dot was stretched over. Outside, the fighting had very much resumed and to be frank, Spider-Man and Deadpool were having difficulties trying to fight this magical wizard guy. His magic was tougher than it looked to handle, both being tossed and flung around by an invisible hand and to make matters worse, whenever it seemed they were about to land a punch or a kick at him, one of the townspeople would fling themselves in the way. So far, they hadn’t gotten a lick on Uldor.

Spider-Man slowly sat up and looked around at the small cave in. He seemed confused until he locked eyes with Dot. They were both wide-eyed as they stared at each other.

“Dot?!”

“Spider-Man!?”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m trying to help the children!”

“The what, who??”

Dot didn’t have time to explain as Uldor came in, a ball of magic formed in his hands. He had planned on hurling it at Spider-Man since he seemed to be incapacitated. But that wasn’t the case; he soon spotted woman from earlier. The one passing through. She was so close to the amulet.

“NO!” 

Dot yanked the amulet from off its pedestal. Everything happened so fast yet it seemed to happen in slow motion. All she knew was that she had to destroy it. 

“DEADPOOL, SHOOT THIS!” she shouted, throwing the amulet into the air.

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT OKAY!” Deadpool’s voice came through from somewhere outside. He kissed his gun and spat, “LUCKY BULLET #69 DON’T FAIL ME NOW!”

Deadpool always makes his mark, even when he doesn’t know what he’s aiming at sometimes. The bullet shot through the amulet and it shattered like glass and a blue magical energy pulsed from the remains, exploding like a large firework. Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense was going haywire and he ducked further into the dugout, throwing his body over Dot’s. Dot didn’t see and luckily, didn’t feel, the resulting explosion overhead. However, she was able to hear Uldor scream in agony, the sound mimicked from outside as dozens of townspeople started to fall to the ground, hissing and smoking into green wisps that soon flew up into the sky. 

After a while, everything seemed quiet if not for a few things crackling because they had caught on fire. Spider-Man groaned and Dot sat up in a panic, cradling Spider-Man’s body that had been half resting over her lap.

“Spider-Man!” She cried, “Spider-Man! Are you okay?” she was too afraid to shake him. The back of his suit bore the brunt of the damage; strips of his flesh were exposed and he was bleeding. His mask sat a little crooked over his head.

“Yeah, peachy keen.” he semi-joked but groaned when he tried to move. It just hurts initially but he’ll honestly be up and walking in no time. He made sure to tell Dot that, too.

Deadpool poked his head in, a piece of wood sticking out of it. “Guys, I feel funny.”

Dot gasped, her eyes getting a little teary. “Oh my gosh!”

Spider-Man turned his head to see what had Dot so distressed. He could understand her worry and while he tried to tell her that it was going to be okay,  the foundation of the bar started to shake and the place was rattling and clattering overhead. It seemed the damage wasn’t completely over with.

“Crap!” Spider-Man shouted overhead. Spider-Man wasted no time in scooping Dot up from the dugout, the two rolling outside just in time as the bar collapsed within itself. Plumes of dirt and smoke burst outwards and Dot began to cough; Spider-Man helped by holding her face against his chest, shielding her with his body.

The entire town came down around them. Without the sustenance of the townspeople, it was rotting all the way through. An illusion powered by the curse. In a way, it was a relief it was over. In another, scary way, it was amazing what you can find in your own backyard.

Dot glanced up as she heard her name whispered in the wind that tousled her hair, cleared the dust away, and kissed her cheek. She saw the faint outlines of people, waving at her, smiling. She looked confused before realizing that she recognized some of the clothing they were wearing. There was a handsome young man wearing a suit, with a scar on his cheek, waving and fading away. A beautiful woman in her Sunday’s best, a little bow in her hair, and wearing shiny black shoes was blowing her a kiss. She closed her eyes and felt happy to know she helped free those little children and she rested her head against Spider-Man’s chest with a stifled sob.

Spider-Man glanced down, rubbing her back. “It’s going to be okay, Dot. You’re safe now.”

Dot surprised him by taking his face in her hands. “You guys are hurt really bad!” She started looking around, “Where’s Wade?!”

Wade answered by landing on his back next to him, that spike of wood still lodged in his head. He pulled it out with a sickening crunch and threw it aside where it landed with a hollow clank a few feet away. “I just need to lay here for a bit.”

Dot threw herself over Wade, wailing. “YOU NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!”

Wade tensed up, not sure on how to react when someone started to fuss over him. It wasn’t a familiar feeling. He wasn’t even sure what to call it. Was it fussing? But he knew how to comfort in his own way. He placed a hand on Dot’s back, giving it a rub.

Spider-Man laughed a little, slowly sitting up. His back still hurt but it wasn’t as bad as when he first got injured. His accelerated healing was helping and he knew the same was happening for Deadpool. However, Dot was still new to the details of their powers. Spider-Man happened to forget this, trying to reassure Dot in a way that might have seemed dismissive about their injuries.

He was in the middle of readjusting his mask, saying, “This kind of stuff happens all the time when you’re a super--”

“PETER B. PARKER! I don’t want to hear that shit! Don’t you play this off like nothing! You could have died! We all could have died!”

“Technically, I don’t think I can die--”

“WADE W. WILSON! You don’t want to do this right now!”

Wade gasped, “She pulled the middle name thing with me too.”

Peter’s hands flew up and he was already trying to explain, “I mean it, though! You don’t have to worry, this is--” he paused.

Did she?

Did Dot just?

Everyone sat in silence before Wade broke it again.

“Ohhhh my god, she called you Peter B. Parker!”

Peter was like a fish, opening and closing his mouth from under his mask. “How? When did? What? How? When?” He was running through his mind many ways Dot could have found out but none of them seemed plausible. But then he asked, “You’re not mad?”

Dot looked surprised before shaking her head. “N-No, no. I’m not mad, why would I be mad at you? I... understand you have your reasons for protecting your identity.” She paused, “And for as how I found out... Otto kind of spilled. Except, I feel silly since I didn’t piece it together immediately.”

“Otto?” Peter asked. “From that one time--?”

“Yep. I thought it was a first name in the beginning. But, then when I pieced you together... with Spider-Man, it just kind of made sense.” she laughed quietly, “Meeting Peter Parker right after Spider-Man...”

Dot felt the rumble as Wade laughed underneath her. She gave him an encouraging smile, “Are you... okay?”

“Move a little to the left and I’ll be in heaven.”

Dot looked down and ...realized what Wade had meant. Yeah, making the suggestion Dot sit between his legs while laying on top of him definitely meant he was okay. 

Peter was still in a daze when there was a familiar sound of a portal being opened nearby. It caught the attention of all three since it was the only sound coming from anywhere. Heads turned and there it was, the ring of yellow-orange sparks circling, spiraling, into existence as none other than Doctor Strange walked through.

If Doctor Strange was surprised to see anyone at the site, he didn’t show it. Wade’s head thunk onto the ground once more, unaffected by the appearance of yet another super. Yet Dot was another story altogether. She openly gaped, watching as the portal disappeared behind him. He was a tall, imposing figure, wearing a cape that seemed to move with a life of its own. White touched at his temples of an otherwise dark full head of hair giving him a distinguished look. Dot would openly admit that this man was attractive as sin.

Yet, Peter stood up right away to greet him. “Hey Doctor Strange!” he sounded chipper despite the angry marks marring his back as he walked over, lifting a hand in a friendly wave. Dot was amazed Peter knew so many amazing people! Doctor Strange was a man whom she knew little about because not many talked about him so it was hard to dig up any information. She was a little intimated to be honest.

“Spider-Man,” Doctor Strange greeted with the air of someone important and if Dot had to guess, he definitely was by the way he carried himself. He was polite enough to greet everybody else, too. “Deadpool and...?”

Doctor Strange knew exactly who Dot was, but he wasn’t going to deny himself the pleasure of Dot introducing herself to him. That was a little piece of knowledge he kept tucked away, close to the vest, like all the little secrets he was aware of. Dot cleared her throat, and sat up. She made to stand but Deadpool was already at his feet, helping her up to hers as well. The two of them walked over to form the semi-circle around Doctor Strange.

He extended his hand and Dot felt nervous putting it in his. This man oozed class and she felt a little self-conscious looking like soot in the wake of an explosion. But Doctor Strange didn’t seem to notice as he gave her a kind and warm smile, that curious stare taking in a lot more than Dot ever wanted him to see... especially at a time like this.

“Dot.” Dot smiled, uncertain. “Dot Dreadful.”

Wade and Peter were eyeing that handshake with a little more obvious jealousy than... well, Peter, at least, would like to admit. Deadpool was about to karate chop their hands apart but even Peter stopped him by taking hold of his hand and opting to hold it until he felt it was safe to let go. Wade, as one can imagine, was heavily distracted.

“This means we’re boyfriends,” Wade leaned over with a sing-songy whisper. Peter just sighed.

Doctor Strange squeezed her hand in a gentle, but meaningful gesture. It made her heart skip a beat.

“Interesting.” he murmured, “I feel a certain kinship in our matching names. I assume you get comments on yours all the time?”

Dot laughed, feeling relaxed at his casual tone and safe presence. “Oh, all the time.”

“It is the same with me.” Doctor Strange smiled in return. It was hard for Dot ignore the way he held onto her hand. “I would love to hear some of the stories sometime.”

Dot could only mutely nod, knowing her cheeks were tinting pink. Luckily for her, Doctor Strange granted her a reprieve with a knowing smile and a little wink as he moved on to talk to Spider-Man.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Spider-Man divulged the entire trip from uh, planning on accompanying Dot through her trip (which Dot was surprised but it did explain why they were there in the first place!) and stumbling upon this cursed town. Doctor Strange then explained, for Dot’s sake, that anything magical was his expertise and that was why he was there.

“After what I assumed was you guys breaking the curse, I felt the magical energy spike and it lead me here. Imagine my surprise seeing you guys already here.” More so, Doctor Strange was referring to something more tantalizing than the magic he can control at his fingertips.

“After today... I think I’d believe in anything.” Dot laughed, a little tired from the day’s events. Doctor Strange turned to give her a smile over his shoulder and went back to searching at what was left of the bar.

“Ah.” Doctor Strange released a short exclamation, bending down to pick something up. Spider-Man was peering over his shoulder when he noticed a little green sliver between the Doctor’s fingers.

“Did you find something, Doc?”

“Doctor Strange.” he corrected, “Or Stephen,” he told Dot before continuing, “This. It’s a piece of the amulet. As far as I know, the last piece surviving. I understand you had to break the amulet in order to break the curse?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Spider-Man nodded before he paused and turned to Dot, “How did you know that?”

“The little children told me...”

“Children?” Stephen asked, turning around. “That sounds interesting. You must also tell me all about your experience today. I hope it hasn’t been too traumatizing. Perhaps I can help with that.”

Dot smiled, giving in to a little shy nod. She had no idea what Doctor Strange... erm, Stephen, would want with her recounting when Peter and Wade went through with actually fighting the guy.

“I can tell you my experience,” Wade muttered under his breath.

“What was that?”

“How about this, Strangey?” Wade asked, picking up a rock.

“It’s Doctor Strange. That is a rock.”

“And it’s not magical?”

“Again, it is a rock.”

Wade threw the rock over his shoulder. “Anyway, did you know what this Uldor guy was about?”

Stephen paused, running the name through his head. A frown pulled at his handsome features. “No, I’m afraid I haven’t heard of anyone by that name. But surely, it’s the last of him.” He held the sliver of the amulet up to his face, closing one eye to look at it carefully. 

“Is it dangerous?” Peter asked.

“Barely. It still has some magical residue on it. I’ll put it away for safe keeping.” He pocketed the sliver and looked around at the little beat up group. “You guys look like you can use a break. I can port us back to the Sanctum Sanctorum if you don’t mind restarting your trip tomorrow.”

Dot glanced back and forth between Spider-Man and Deadpool. She had no idea what the Sanctum Sanctorum was but it sounded... like a better place than here and she figured she could use a break from writing her sequel for a while. Her editor would understand. Spider-Man and Deadpool were looking at her for confirmation, after all, this was her trip.

She cleared her throat, a touch shy about all the attention she now realized was on her. “Y-Yes, please. We... we would appreciate that.”

Stephen gave her a charming smile and Dot stood captivated by his hand gestures as he opened another portal. He placed his hand on the small of Dot’s back and led her into the portal first while giving the boys a glance behind him. “You don’t mind staying over for tea, right? Or coffee if you prefer.” he noted Peter had opened his mouth to protest. His shoulders sagged and he shrugged.

“Just... don’t hit too much on my girlfriend.”

As the portal closed behind them, Dot’s surprised, “W-What?” could be heard clipped behind it.