#exhausting to have the watch the same damn movie marathons 3+ times every single month

[massivelycreepypineapple]

Not Going Anywhere

Request: I reread the "their perfect little family" it's so good and so looongggg! I was going through your fluffy fics as I need one right now very badly! And then I kept wondering if I can request a Jensen fluff one shot? I am a runner and few months ago in a marathon, somehow my last part of sole caught some infection as doc said. I had to go through the whole surgery kinda procedure where the doc literally scooped out the infection. Fun fact, if you have athlete's foot, always get it checked out. And injection in your sole is never nice, never! And I had to do this all without sedatives for reason I didn't hear coz I was busy being scared. Its hurting like hell right now. Coz of covid thing going on, I had to do this alone. Can you write where Reader is in same situation and jensen is with her through whole procedure and then Jensen taking care of her? I cannot walk right now, and sorry for my rant! I am pretty sure it's weirdest request you have received but write only if you want!

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Fem!Reader

A/N: I know you asked for fluff but my period induced angst got channeled into this and a wee bit of angsty stuff came up. 😂 I hope it’s okay and you still like it! I’m not sure if I got all the details right. So I apologise for the mistakes. And I hope you feel better soon! ❤️

Feedback is appreciated!!

Word Count: 2852

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Y/N and Jensen were seated in the waiting room of the hospital. Y/N had her head rested on Jensen’s shoulder nearly falling asleep as he held her hand in his while the other stroked her cheek. He rested his head on top of hers and occasionally placed kisses, comforting her as much as he could. She had developed an infection on the sole of her foot nearly 3 days ago and it was hurting a lot. She took over the counter medicines and hoped for it to go away, but 3 days later, it only got worse and she found it difficult to walk let alone run. Which was a real bummer, since she was a runner and loved every second of it.

Jensen had told her multiple times to get it checked out, but her stubbornness and her hatred for hospitals and doctors were an awful combination. But she finally relented when the pain got so unbearable that even painkillers couldn’t do their job. So here they were waiting to consult a doctor.

“Y/N Ackles?” The nurse called bringing a wheelchair over.

“Honey, wake up. It’s our turn.” Jensen nudged her gently.

She woke up mumbling, “So tired, Jay.”

“I know, baby. It’s the painkillers. You can sleep all you want after we consult.” He got up and then helped her into the wheelchair, making sure she didn’t put any pressure on her foot.

Once in the room, the nurse and Jensen helped her onto the bed. Just as she got comfortable the doctor came in and greeted them.

“Good morning you two!” He said cheerily annoying Y/N more. But she put on a smile and tried her best to be civil. The pain was getting to be too much and all she wanted was to go home to the comfort of her couch and watch a movie, cuddled up with her husband.

“So how are you doing, Y/N?” He asked.

“I’ll do much better if my damn foot didn’t hurt.” She grumbled, making him chuckle. Jensen stepped back, giving the man enough space to check her leg. He held her foot with one hand and poked around with the glove covered one. Y/N whimpered in pain. She was tired, sleepy, in pain and the smug doctor seemed to enjoy poking and prodding her injured foot. How she wanted to clock his face.

“Yup, it’s athlete’s foot alright.” He said. “This one seems to be a little worse for normal medication to have any effect. We’ll have to do a minor procedure.” He said walking behind his desk to sit and make notes on the laptop.

Y/N’s eyes widened and her head snapped to Jensen, who quickly made his way over to her. She grabbed his hand.

“W-what kind of procedure?” She asked, suddenly wide awake.

“Well, we have to scoop out the fungus.”

“What do you mean ‘scoop out’?” Asked Jensen worried. He squeezed your hand, showing you he was right there.

“Exactly that. We’ll be removing the infection. It’s a minor surgery. You’ll be here in the morning and leave by evening. It’s nothing to worry about.” He said kindly.

“Is it going to hurt?” Y/N asked with apprehension.

“I’m not going to lie, it’s going to hurt. But it won’t take very long.”

Y/N was panicking on the inside. She had a high tolerance for pain but the past few days have been absolute agony, and to do this and feel more pain was really freaking her out. Jensen could sense her uneasiness and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“Maybe you could sedate her? Put her to sleep?” Jensen asked the doc.

“That’s not possible for this procedure, the patient needs to be awake and aware of what’s happening incase something goes wrong.” He replied sympathetically.

“And what are the chances of things going wrong in this procedure?”

Jensen was even more worried now. Y/N would be doing this without any sedatives and he didn’t like it one bit. But there wasn’t another option it would seem.

“It’s a simple procedure, Mr.Ackles. There’s nothing to worry about. The lack of sedatives is a preventative measure. That’s all. As long as she’s able to feel what we’re doing, things are going well. If we sedate her she won’t be able to tell if we accidentally nicked something.”

Jensen nodded hesitantly.

“You can book an appointment for tomorrow with the nurse’s station outside. I’ll see you, Y/N, bright and early.” He smiled brightly at her.

“No offence but I’m not looking forward to seeing you bright and early.” She said with a small smile.

The doctor laughed throwing his head back, “Yeah I’m sure you’re not.” He then scribbled something in a prescription paper and handed it to her. “These are some painkillers for the night. But don’t take any before the procedure.”

“Thank you.”

The nurse who wheeled her in was back and helped her into the wheelchair once more. Jensen went to pay the fee and get the medicine, as well as book an appointment as the doctor suggested. After everything was done they were back in the car heading home. Y/N was quietly looking out the window throughout the ride worrying about what was to come. She felt Jensen grab her hand and squeeze it. She looked at him and tried to smile, but it wasn’t easy. She was beyond exhausted and couldn’t wait to get home. There was a lump in her throat and tear welled up in her eyes, but she did her best to keep it from falling.

“Sweetheart, talk to me. What’s going on in that head of yours?” He asked softly.

“Please, not now.” She said, voice cracking a little.

“Okay, honey” He said not letting go of her hand. The car ride back home was filled with tensed silence.

_______________

30 minutes later they reached home. Jensen parked the car and got out, quickly making his way to Y/N’s side. He carried her inside the house and took her up the stairs to their bedroom. He placed her on the bed and went to her closet and pulled out comfy sweat pants and one of his t-shirts. He helped her take off her clothes and put the new ones on. Once he changed too he sat facing her on the bed and cupped her cheek with one hand.

Y/N leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. A single tear escaped only to be quickly wiped away by his thumb.

“I don’t know why I’m so sad and so overwhelmed.” She whispered. “It’s so stupid. It’s a minor surgery, it won’t take long. I don’t know why I’m being so emotional.”

“It’s not stupid, baby. You’ve been in a lot of pain these past few days. You can barely walk, and you’ll never admit it, but I know you and I know that you’re upset that you can’t run. It’s getting to you. But you have to remember that it’s not permanent. You’re going to recover fully, it’ll just take a while, that’s all.”

Y/N was crying. Jensen knew her so well. He could read her like a damn book and she was so grateful for him. He never judged. All he did was support her and love her.

“I don’t want to burden you, Jay! You just got back from Vancouver. You’re on a break and this had to happen. I’m so so sorry!”

“Hey, come here.” He shifted so that he was leaning against the headboard with her on her lap. He made sure he didn’t hurt her foot. “It’s not your fault, Y/N. Not your fault at all okay? I hate to see you in so much pain, I wish it didn’t happen either, but not because I think it’s a burden. But because my baby is in pain. I don’t care how I spend time with you as long as I get you. You hear me, honey?”

She nodded against his chest. For some reason she couldn’t stop crying.

“It’s okay. Just let it out. I’m not going anywhere.” He whispered hugging her tightly. Eventually Y/N calmed down and fell asleep only waking up for dinner and painkiller. They went back to sleep soon after.

_______________

The next day they were at the hospital. Y/N was taken to the OR for the procedure. Since it was a minor one and she’d be awake through it, they allowed Jensen to be in with her to keep her calm and distracted. She was so grateful for that. She didn’t think she could’ve done it alone.

She was seated on the bed with Jensen by her head. The doctor came in followed by the nurse who was holding an injection. Y/N was looking at it with fear in her eyes, Jensen noticed her and made her look at him.

“Just focus on me ok? I’m right here.” He smiled at her.

Y/N flinched when the cold cotton swab was pressed to her infected area. It burned like crazy. She squeezed Jensen’s hand tightly, who kept whispering encouraging words. Then the doctor slowly pushed the injection in, making her cry out in pain. Jensen pressed her head into his shoulder. She was clutching his shirt really tightly almost ripping it off.

Jensen through it all tried his best to keep calm. It was killing him to see this happen to his wife. He worried about her when she cut herself while chopping vegetables or fixing something. This was a whole knew level of worry that he didn’t know how to handle. He could feel his shirt getting wet as Y/N cried into him.

“It’s over see? It’ll be a lot easier from now.” Said the doctor.

Y/N didn’t reply. She wanted this torture to end. The entire hour flew by with Y/N gritting her teeth in pain and Jensen doing his best to distract her. He would tell her funny stories which she already knew and he would talk about pranks that he and Jared pulled on Misha. It seemed to work. She was absolutely glad that she had someone like Jensen to be with her through this hellish ordeal. This only made her fall in love with him more.

When everything was finally over, she was placed in a recovery room for the work done by the surgeon to set. Another hour went by, Y/N was getting agitated. She was in a lot of pain and she still wasn’t allowed to take any painkillers. Jensen sat beside her in bed while she rested her back and head against his side. He carded his fingers through her hair, to soothe her into sleep. She kept going in and out of sleep as he watched some telly in mute.

40 minutes later the doctor came in waking her up, “How are you feeling, Y/N?”

“I’d love some drugs.” She mumbled.

“I’m prescribing you some stronger painkillers which you can take as and when you require, along with some other tablets.” He said scribbling down on his pad.

“She’s going to be fine, right?” Asked Jensen.

“Yup, we got all of it out. She’ll make a full recovery in a couple of months.” He smiled.

“Is there anything we need to watch out for? Any special care?”

“Just make sure you keep the wound clean. You need to change the dressing which the nurse will show you how to do. And I’ll see you back here after three weeks.”

“Thanks, doc.” Jensen shook his hand, before the man left.

The nurse changed Y/N’s dressing and Jensen paid close attention to it so he could do it when they got back home. After everything was done and after signing the discharge papers, Y/N was wheeled out to the parking lot to get back. Jensen helped her into the car and they drove home.

_______________

Y/N was getting increasingly frustrated in the past couple of days being completely immobile. Jensen had to do everything for her. From helping her to pee and poop, to giving her a bath. She refused to leave the bed and resorted to moping in her room. She hated being so helpless and depending on Jensen for small things that a child could manage.

Jensen on the other hand was getting worried about her. Her foot was doing fine so far. The painkillers were doing their job for the most part and he made sure she was comfortable. But Y/N was still upset and he didn’t know what to do. He was afraid to bring it up because she was getting a bit snippy too. But he had had enough of it after she had snapped at him when he asked her once again if she was okay and if she needed anything.

“Okay! That’s enough, Y/N!” Snapped Jensen. “I don’t get what your problem is. I’m doing what I can to keep you comfortable and you’ve been nothing but snippy and irritated!”

Y/N looked at him wide eyes. She didn’t expect him to snap back. She knew she was being a bitch but she didn’t know how to stop because she was in pain and no where to go and completely frustrated.

“I get you’re in pain. I really do. I know the situation ain’t ideal, and it’s bugging you to have me carry you around everywhere. But you’re not even trying to wrap your mind around it!” He was pissed and tired. He rubbed his face with his hands. “I need some space. I’ll be in my office.” He said curtly and walked out their room.

Y/N was filled with overwhelming guilt. She was only thinking about herself and didn’t think about the situation Jensen was in. It wasn’t just her who was limited to the house, so was he. Sure he could walk around, but he too must be feeling cooped up staying at home for the past couple of days. Not to mention, helping her deal with her pain and take care of her like a baby and be at her constant beck and call.

She laid there tearing up. She hated it. She felt like all she did was cry and now she was disappointing Jay. She was lost in her guilt ridden thoughts when suddenly she had the urge to pee. She groaned in frustration. She didn’t want to bother Jensen by calling him. Besides he was mad at her and he needed the space. She sat up in bed and grabbed onto the wall above the headboard and pulled herself up. But she lost her balance and accidentally placed her injured foot on the floor, crying out in pain. But she managed to balance herself in one foot and once the throbbing came down she hopped her way slowly to the toilet. She stopped midway almost losing her balance but a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist and picked her up.

“I got you. You should’ve called me, Y/N” Jensen whispered.

“I didn’t want to bother you more than I already do, Jay.” She whispered back.

Jensen didn’t say anything. He helped her to the bathroom and helped her balance on one foot as she pulled her pants down. He gently sat her down on the seat letting her do her job. Once done he helped her to the sink to wash her hands and then picked her up to put her on the bed.

“I’m sorry, Jay” Y/N began after a few seconds of silence. “You’re right. I’ve been so irritable and stuck in my own misery that I forgot you’re stuck with me too. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

“The issue isn’t that I’m stuck with you, baby girl. I love being stuck with you. The issue is you not trying at all. This crap happened to you. But I’m here for you, Y/N. I’m here to keep you company and help you around. I miss my wife. I miss having fun with you.”

“I miss having fun with you too, Jay.” She said sadly. “I’m sorry I’ve been difficult.”

“It’s okay, honey. I’m sorry I left like that. You didn’t hurt yourself right?”

“I kind of stepped on my foot while getting up. But I don’t think anything happened.”

“Okay, let’s take a look. It’s time to change the dressing anyway.” He said getting up to get the supplies. “And then, you missy, are getting out of this room and sitting out on the porch with me, okay? No objections!” He said turning around and pointing at her.

“I like the sound of that.” She grinned.

“Good.”

“Jay?”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, dork.” He grinned and went to get the stuff for her foot.

Y/N supposed she could deal with few days of being immobile as long as she had Jensen. He always knew how to bring her back to herself no matter what.

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TAGS BELOW

@hobby27 @akshi8278

[somewhere-in-my-weird-mind]

What did he just say? - Sebastian Stan

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Female!Reader

Request: Prompt #9 “You know who I’m hot for”

Word Count: 5.1 K

Warning: None as far as I can remember... though maybe there’s a bit of swearing spread through it... But honestly, I’ve got a sailors mouth and I’ve lost track of how much my characters do the same by now. The real warning should be about a shirtless and wet Sebastian Stan... Proceed at own caution!

A/N: So... (She says after having not written a single thing or made it seem like she was still alive for two whole years) I’m back! Life’s kinda going to shit, but by some miracle, it’s meant that I’ve had some spare time and energy that I could invest in writing again. So, here we are. 

In an attempt to help the new spirit of writing flow to keep going, I might lose some old request in my inbox that’s now been taking up space for like the last 3 or 4 years, and instead, I’m going to open it up again to new requests. If you’re an old follower who actually made a request, that I didn’t finish writing because life and time went on, I’m really sorry for letting it go. But if you want, please send me a new one, and I’ll do my best at writing it this time! 

But enough chatting, here’s some Seb fluff get together for ya!

It had all started out with an eviction notice. The apartment building you had been staying in for the past couple of years now, after you first made the move to New York, had been bought up by someone who’s plan had seemed to be knock your building down, only to build some new, modern and most likely expensive as hell apartments instead. Now you’re not saying that the place didn’t need a good loving hand, the elevator had been broken down for 2 years now, and the heating bill was always high in the winter due to cracks letting all the cold in. But it was still your home, and just your luck, it had seemed it had been one of the last, somewhat decent apartments in New York, for a somewhat decent price.

That had at least been your judgment in the month you tried, desperately finding some place new to stay, with the eviction notice hanging over your head, telling you that you only had a month to find a new place to live. And anyone who knows New York, and its realtor market, while being on a strict budget, knows that’s an impossible feat. It wasn’t that it had been for a lack of trying, considering how you had almost spent more money on transport that month, looking at apartments you had found on odd listed pages around town, than you had on food. For a brief moment, you even thought you had succeeded the impossible task, when you had finally found a place. Only for it to be snatched up right under your nose, and you were back to ground zero.

It was in that moment of weakness and despair, you had gotten the call. A friend of yours had been trying to help you out with your situation, but apparently when you had that conversation to her, you hadn’t mentioned how you kind of wanted to keep it a quiet thing, maybe because you knew that they were exactly the kind of person to lecture you on how accepting help isn’t a bad thing. So in your attempt to avoid the lecture, you had forgotten your mutual friend, and just how much your friend didn’t mind asking other people for help.

Hence, the call.

Now, the thing is, yes, Sebastian Stan calling you and telling you that you could just stay in his spare room until you figured it out, was a really convincing argument. After all, you’ve been at his place loads of times, and you’ve seen his bathroom and dreamed of hanging out in that bathtub, and you’ve sat on that couch and fallen asleep on it way too many times. So yeah staying there wouldn’t be too bad, also because it would give you a more manageable time window to look at places, considering that you were going to be evicted in a matter of weeks. It’s not a bad offer, is the point.

But there is however another side to that good point, and that’s how even after weeks now, you still haven’t been able to get that question out of your head. That damn question that your friend asked you, and a question that seemed to unravel everything you thought you knew.

“So what is it with you and Sebastian?” Your friend asked you, just as you were stuffing your face with the popcorns she had brought to you on the couch, in the middle of your marvel marathon.

“Huh?” you asked, as it was currently all the noise you were capable of making with a mouth full of popcorn.

“You and Sebastian, what’s happening there, are you hitting that?” She asked as conveniently Sebastian’s face appeared on the screen as Bucky Barnes.

“Wait, what! Hitting that?” You exclaimed as you managed to swallow the popcorn.

“Yeah, I mean cheers if you are, because, well, look at that body,” She said as the screen was focusing on Bucky’s mind getting wiped, while also showing a good look of a pretty impressive body that Sebastian was the proud owner off.

“No, no we’re just friends” You laughed, though you did keep looking to appreciate that body a bit longer, because, well yeah, damn.

“Wait really? Your friend turned away from the screen and looked at you as if she didn’t quite believe you.

“Yeah, we’re just friends, nothing more. Besides, it wasn’t even that long ago since he broke it off with his ex”

“First of all, that is like a year ago now, which you should know since you helped him get over that, which is also why I’m asking, just how did you help him get over it, with cuddling or with bow chica wow wow” You friend sang, causing you to laugh.

“What, oh god no”

“Oh please, as if you didn’t want to hit that”

“That’s not what I meant, I just meant, well, we’re friends, so yeah no, no ‘Bow chica wow wow’ just, the good old take out and movie marathons, and being there when he need to talk, it works all the time.”

“Is that really all it is?” Your friend asked, looking like that was definitely not the response she had expected.

“Yeah, just friends.” You said and returned back to the screen. But there didn’t go long before you turned back to her again. “Okay, I gotta ask though, why did you think there was more?”

“Well, it’s the way the two of you are together. Like, ever since you moved to New York the two of you have been hanging out a ton, and after he broke it off with his girlfriend it was like I could barely reach you sometimes. And then, well then there’s the way that he looks at you sometimes like you hung the sun or something like that. Not to mention the fact that even when he’s away for movie stuff, the two of you talk every day, like what was it a bit under a month ago that the two of you passed your 400 days snapchat streak. So yeah, I don’t know, it just seems like maybe there was something more there. But I might be wrong”

Sometimes you hoped she was wrong, that it was just her imagining it, but ever since she mentioned it, the thought had barely left your mind.

So when he called you, offering you to invade his space for however long you needed it, well then you blamed her for thinking more into it than there might be. So that had been why you had first told him that it was a nice thought, but that you didn’t want to be a bother to him any more than you already did. So instead you kept looking, but after you woke up with a hangover the first of January, and you knew you only had a week to find someplace to be, you realised that there was nothing else to do, so you called up and even more hungover Sebastian.

That had been two weeks ago. And still no apartment.

You were currently spread out on the couch in Sebastian’s very comfortable apartment, enjoying his Netflix account connected to the quite nicely sized TV. But to your defence, you had deserved it. You were exhausted, both physically after having spent so much time, both in your lunch break and after work trying to meet different realtors to help you find a place. And then mentally exhausted, because just like the many other times you’d talked to them, they had not given you any good news. You were starting to consider maybe changing realtors, especially after the horrible place you were shown last week, with a murphy bed installed that didn’t even have enough room to be completely unfolded.

So yeah, you’d say you deserved to lounge a little bit, and forget your troubles watching Netflix, and eating Sebastian’s snacks, that he technically wasn’t allowed to eat anyhow, with him being on a new strict diet and training regime for a new movie. On the topic of training, the stench of a sweaty Sebastian having come back from the gym, warned you of him being there before his greeting did.

“Don’t they have shower at your fancy fitness place?” You called out as you heard steps walking over to the couch.

“They do. But it’s much more fun to come home and annoy you like this” Sebastian laughed as he jumped over the couch and got his one arm around you as he sat down, right next to you, like that was the only option on the massive couch.

“Ugh, you’re disgusting” You groaned as you tried to get away from the sweaty embrace, much to Sebastian’s amusement. As a payback you decided to turn around to punch him in the arm, only to be met by rock hard muscle that really was just not fair on any normal human being. The same way that the sight of Sebastian sitting there in a wife beater, sweat glistening off him (because the idiot probably decided to run back from the gym, because yeah sure, that’s what sensible people do) just staring at you with such glee in his eyes, while shaking a little bit from his laughter, really was not fair on any normal human being, much less you.

But no, get that thought out of your head, you were not going to start thinking those kinds of thoughts about him. Instead you decided to turn around to continue watching the Netflix, while pretending that it was your disgust with his sweat that made you blush, not any other reason, nope, nothing at all.

“Well I would say it’s an appropriate payback for you messing up my Netflix recommendation with you watching teenage girl dramas, I’ll let you know it never suggested Riverdale to me before you came in and messed up my streaming history”

“Oh please, don’t pretend like you don’t very well recognise the title of the show. When I clicked in on it, it asked me if I wanted to continue watching it” You said with a chuckle pointing at the TV showing Serena van der Woodsen having a series conversation with Dan Humphrey. You decided to focus completely on how ridiculous and upper class they were being, instead of focusing on the close proximity Sebastian was sitting.

“Alright, well I can reason it with revisiting old memories, what’s your excuse for sitting here alone watching Gossip Girl” Sebastian asked looking at you for an answer.

“Well it’s partly because it’s funny to see you looking all scrawny and awkward and posh in it-“

“Hey, I was like 27 at that point” Sebastian interjected, looking almost genuinely offended if it wasn’t because of the small smile he always seemed to wear around you.

“Yeah, yeah whatever, if you would have let me finish, you’d known that I really didn’t focus too much on you in it” You felt yourself say, while also knowing that it wasn’t completely true.

“Right, then do tell, what is the reason that you oh so love this show, of questionable quality” He asked while looking intensely at you for an answer. Again, him and his intensive focus on you, you didn’t like how much it affected you, because when it did, you had an extra hard time ignoring how much it just really shouldn’t, because playing with that idea was a dangerous thing, that you knew were never ever going to happen anyhow.

“I have the hots for Chace Crawford” You said, and turned around to watch the show again, hoping that it would stop the stare coming at you from the side, from a certain sweaty someone.

Turns out it only amplified the stare he was sending her, but it did stop the oncoming questions, as he had somewhat fallen quiet.

“Oh, well, he’s a good guy.” Sebastian added after the silence seemed to have become too long.

Thing is, it’s a pivotal part of their friendship that you knew just when something affected him, and that you then weren’t afraid to tease him about it. That’s how it had always been, and that’s how it was always going to be, you knew that. So it was really a duty to keep this going, after all it would be a let-down to everything you stood for, if he would go around thinking you wouldn’t annoy him anymore.

“Wait, you must have his number don’t you? Could you hit him up for me, hell you could give me his phone number!” You said excitedly, partly because you could really see how much this was bothering him, which just made you want to push it further. And, then the idea of hitting Chase up wasn’t really that bad of an idea either.

“C’mon. Do me a favour, give me his number. Let me have a chance with Nate Archibald” You were full on teasingly poking him now in his sides, which finally made his smile come out again.

“How about no” Sebastian laughed and tapped your nose, much to your annoyance.

“How about a trade then. Tell me who you’re hot for, and I will do my best at trying to get their number. It’s most likely going to be an impossible feat, but I will try my best anyhow.” You thought it was going to be a great way of continuing to tease him, only, suddenly you saw the smile falter a little bit.

“You know who I’m hot for” He finally said, but the joking seemed to have faltered a bit. Maybe he was just tired after the workout, that happened sometimes.

“Well, clearly I don’t. So, c’mon, tell me, is it someone that I have a chance of getting their number to make it a fair deal” You asked, turning around to face Sebastian completely, he repaid the favour, and suddenly it all seemed a lot less funny. Sebastian’s smile had faltered again, until there were no smile at all left. Instead what was left, was a Sebastian you had only seen a couple of times before. A Sebastian who wasn’t the same one that the public saw, a Sebastian that wasn’t even the same that most of his friends saw. But it was one that you had seen.

“I already have their number” He said and turned around to face you, though not really looking at you, instead looking at his hands that he was fiddling. Because he was genuinely nervous about something.

“Well that’s good then” You said in a calm notion, causing Sebastian to look up at you again. “That’s like a severe advantage you have then.” The only response you got was a small nod from him, and you knew that this person he was talking about, was someone serious. Your heart ached a little bit, and you knew why, but this wasn’t your time and place for this. No you knew that his face meant that he was struggling with this, and his friend, you had a duty to help him. And that duty meant pushing down everything else you were feeling right now.

“So you have this person’s number, and you clearly have the hots for her. I’m not seeing a reason why you haven’t called this person up then.” You didn’t exactly know what you expected, but the silence you were met with, and Sebastian just fiddling his fingers as the only somewhat response, wasn’t what you had expected.

“Okay. How about this” You started, causing Sebastian to look up. “What if I help you with what you should tell her? I’ll help you come up with a line that’s so irresistible, that she simply can’t not tell you she’ll go out with you” You tried saying it with a smile, and you think you mainly succeeded, but it wasn’t like Sebastian’s facial reaction gave you any clear answer to that.

He seemed to be thinking deeply, like the thought of getting help to tell the person you liked, that you actually liked them, was something he had to consider. You knew you didn’t have to consider it if someone offered it to you. Because sitting here, right across from the guy you liked, you couldn’t help but think that you would definitely accept some help right now, if it meant you could figure out a way to tell him what you felt. But no, instead you were sitting here, offering him help, on how to tell some girl that he liked her. Because that’s just how good your life was going right now.

“Okay” Sebastian finally said, and looked at you suddenly with a smile on his face, and a certain fire and certainty, that suddenly made you so much more jealous of this girl that made him feel like that.

“Well a good start would be to tell her that you’ve been thinking about her[SMS1] . It’ll make most girls feel appreciated, well when it isn’t from some creepy stalker, but when it’s from someone who actually cares. And when she knows that you do, then that’s when you ask her out.”

“It’s that simple then is it?” Sebastian said with a little smile, like he knew something you didn’t.

“I mean, if you do it right, then… yeah” You said, trying not to let the smile get to you.

“Huh” Sebastian just said before looking like he was wondering something, whatever it was, you didn’t know, but maybe it was the silence that became too much, or it was just you wanting to find another way of hurting yourself that you started up the conversation again.

“So who is it?” You asked with a smile you hoped didn’t look as fake as it felt. Everything was fine, and you were fine, and there were no reasons why you shouldn’t be smiling now. You were just helping out a friend of yours. That’s what this was.

“You wanna know who I’m hot for?” Sebastian asked with a little smile, probably one that thinking about whichever girl that he was thinking of who he was hot for. It should make you happy, really it should, he was happy, and you were happy that he was happy. That’s how friendship works.

“Clearly, since I’m asking” You lied. Because having a name for this person might not help you, it was probably going to be some very famous actress of something, someone amazing that you had no chance of measuring up to.

“Well” He started. Here it comes, the name that you were going to be thinking of for almost every day from now on. The woman you had no chance of measuring up to, the woman who had won Sebastian’s heart, the woman who –“

“It’s you” The woman who was you? What.

“Anyway, I’m going to head to the shower” Sebastian said and suddenly very quickly left you there alone on the couch, with a question that felt larger than life.

You?

He was hot for… you?

No that couldn’t be. He couldn’t be.

At least that’s the thought stream you’ve had for the past years. From almost the moment you had met Sebastian, you had been attracted by him. Then again that wasn’t really any news to anyone who met Sebastian. But then you had gotten to know him, and you had found this sort of gentleness about him. The way that he met anyone with such love and kindness, that only increased when you really got to know him, and he let you in. It surprised you that not more people fell in love with him. Or maybe they did, you wouldn’t be surprised, the same way you weren’t surprised when Sebastian talked about some girl, because off course he would find someone to love.

You just didn’t know that you could be that person.

Because that’s what he had said right? When you had asked, he had said you. He had said he had the hots for you.

Honestly, who even says they’ve got the hots for someone anymore. Well apparently you did, but you meant it about some person you saw on the TV, like those imaginative crushes you got, celebrity crushes, that’s who you had the hots for. So what about him, what did he mean when he said he had the hots for you.

You needed to know.

Deciding enough was enough, as your inner monologue wasn’t going to help you clear this up in any way, you jumped over the edge of the couch and ran through the hallway until you reached the bathroom door, where you stopped and started hammering down the door, until finally it opened.

“Oy, I was showering” Sebastian complained as he opened the door, standing there dripping water down on the carpet in the hallway, while only standing there in just a towel around his waist. Because, yeah sure, this was something you could handle, seeing him standing there, showing off his very, very defined abs, glistening wet, and did she mention very defined.

Weren’t there something you needed to do?

Oh right.

“Don’t oy me” You finally managed to get out. “You can’t just say something like that, and then walk away without giving me any explanation” You yelled angrily, because you were angry. Angry that he was now pretending like you hadn’t just had that conversation a minute ago, leaving you there on the couch having to figure out everything on your own.

“I thought I explained myself pretty alright” Sebastian said with a small smile, like this was all to his amusement.

“Yeah no, you didn’t explain. You just said you had the hots for me, what the fuck is that even supposed to mean?” You asked waving your arms around the air, in hopes that it would clarify for him, that you had no fucking clue, and maybe that smile he was wearing wasn’t really helping you deal with this very well.

“Just that. That I have the hots for you” Sebastian replied, once again with that little smile.

You were slowly starting to start a vendetta against that smile. Because when the two of you were joking and he gave that smile, you could appreciate it, but this, this was something completely different, and it felt like a really bad joke.

It seemed your silence and lack of understanding finally seemed to get to Sebastian, the smile on his lips faltered a bit and he tightened the towel around his waist before he looked down on his feet, like he was trying to figure out what to tell you. You heard him mutter something that sounded a bit like he was saying ‘what was it she said I should say’ before he suddenly met your eyes again, and opened his mouth.

“I’ve been thinking about you” He said. You stayed silent though, because you were sort of expecting there to be something more after that. Except there wasn’t.

“What, that’s all you’re going to say?” You exclaimed while looking at Sebastian like he was mad. Because, well you kind of thought he was, who says that and then just leave it be.

“That’s what you told me to say” Sebastian called, as seemingly your frustrations seemed to have rubbed on him as well. Well good.

“Well it’s not that simple”

“But that’s what you said”

“Oh don’t use my words against me” You snapped, you were not the one on trial here, it was him and his rubbish way of making himself clear.

“Okay. Fine. “Sebastian thundered before lowering his arm that had just been waving in the air because of his frustration a second ago. “I’ll use my own words then” He said before taking a deep sigh. Somehow, you already knew then you weren’t ready to hear them, but there was no stopping it now.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. That much is true. For a long while, I had gotten really good at not thinking about you on a constant, even though I had been wanting to do just that for a long time. But then suddenly, you were everywhere. I thought I did a kindness to a friend and it was just going to be just that. But then suddenly I’m being tortured with your favourite shirts being in the wash all the time, and with that brand of yoghurt you like so much in the fridge right in eye sight whenever I open it, and then your fluffy pillows you’ve left scattered over the couch, that are like way too comfortable. It’s impossible not to be reminded of you, no matter where I look. And it turns out, maybe what I thought was just torture, was something more. Because when I can’t stop thinking about you, it gets real hard to subside these feelings I’ve been feeling for a really long time. Until I realised, I just couldn’t anymore” Sebastian ranted, until he finally, took a deep breath, and seemed to realise he was done.

Well what does anyone say to that? Apparently your stupid mind had already thought of something.

“No.” Real articulate Y/N, real articulate “You don’t have any feelings for me. You can’t.” Those were the words that had been swirling around your brain ever since Sebastian had left you on the couch, because they were the only ones that made any sense.

“Who says that.” Sebastian asked, looking at you again, this time without a smile, and without that shield he sometimes put up to be the happy and all dandy Sebastian Stan, famous actor. No this Sebastian, this was the one that wore no shield to protect himself, this was the one who bared everything to you. You had seen it multiple times before, but it had never hit you as hard as it had now.

“I do” You whispered, as if speaking too loudly now would break the heavy feeling that was weighting both of you down right now.

“Why?” Sebastian whispered, as if he was feeling the same way.

“Because…” you started, attempting to find head and tails in all these feelings you were feeling right now. “Well because we’ve been friends for 5 years now, and not once in that time have you ever made a move?” Well, almost, not counting five minutes ago on that couch, when he had done exactly that.

Maybe he had been thinking the same thing, because he took one step closer to you, so close that you could feel the steam coming off his chest from the shower you had interrupted.

“What if I did” He muttered, before licking his lips, and suddenly any agitation you had, almost seemed to melt away, as your eye was drawn to his lips, that were now looking slightly moist, and soft, god so soft.

“I don’t know” You replied just as quietly, simultaneously feeling like you were on fire, and like you could just let go of everything and float down the river.

“Well it was just a minute ago you were screaming at me looking for a definitive answer to your question, and now you don’t even want to give me one” That little smile was back on his lips, and suddenly you didn’t hate it as much. As much. You still hated it a little bit. And maybe that was why you made your decision very quickly.

“You want a definitive answer? Fine, I’ll give you one” You said, sounding a lot more sure in yourself than you were. But one thing you were sure off, was that what you were planning next, you didn’t think Sebastian would mind that much, if everything he had said the last couple of minutes were true. And as much as you had been unsure about whether it was before, that little smile he was giving, and that raw honesty he had showed you before, made you 99% certain.

So certain, that you decided to say ‘fuck you’ to that other 1%, as you reached up your hands, one to fit in his wet hair, and another on his neck, before you pulled him down, and you met those kissable lips you had thought way too much about lately, with your own.

It only took a brief moment of shock, before Sebastian enthusiastically greeted your lips with his, and made sure that 99% got rounded up to a round number. Especially because kissing Sebastian felt as natural as breathing air, while also being as addicting as a sniff of coke.

It was a natural respondent between the two of you, of who took control and who gave leeway, only for it to change just as quickly again. And it wasn’t just your mouths that was making you lose all control, it was everything from how close Sebastian was standing, to his hand in your hair, to the stubble burn that made you lose a sense of time, until you finally had to pull apart to take a breath.

Which was why you now stood there, in the doorway, both of you staring at each other with blown pupils and heaving chests, with not an inch of space between you.

“You really need to take that shower now” You somehow managed to breathe out.

“Oh, shit, sorry, yes, I must stink” Sebastian took a step back and shook his head to clear it off the fuzziness state, that you apparently hadn’t been the only one feeling. “I’ll get cleaned up, and then maybe we can continue this afterwards” It was like the moment he had disconnected the physical touch of you, he was back to the same Sebastian that had decided skipping over the couch to avoid a conversation was the best choice. And one thing you knew for sure, was that you were not planning to go back to that. Not after this. Not ever again.

“Or” You said, now with a small smirk that could compete against Sebastian’s you were sure. “I could just join you” As soon as the words had left your mouth, you could see how Sebastian’s pupils dilated even more, though you weren’t fully sure how it was possible, but you loved it all the same.

“Yup. Yeah. I like that idea, a lot better” Was all Sebastian said before taking your arm and pulling you into the bathroom to join him with such eagerness you couldn’t help but giggle a bit. Though you were quickly interrupted from laughing by two lips meeting yours again. It wasn’t like you were complaining though, quite the opposite.

Permanent tagging:  @savaneafricaine   @purple-storm @cmbequestrian2402  @m4df4n 

Tell me if you wanna be tagged, either permanently or just for Sebastian imagines 

[night-filled-mountain]

For the Hozier ask thing: No Plan, Be, Talk

- No Plan - Do you believe in a pre-determined purpose in life?

No, but I think it can be helpful–for some people!–to think and act like you have a pre-determined purpose, as long as you’re not too rigid about it. Sometimes the random twists and turns of life just get overwhelming, you know? And you need to weave them into some sort of pattern–“A, B, and C all happened in order to lead me to D,” or “Despite X obstacle, I know I’m meant to accomplish Y.” Humans are pattern-finding creatures–that’s why we like stories so much. I can’t imagine getting through life without periodically making it into a story, whether you actually believe in some divine Plan and Author or not. (This is reminding me once again of that Brian W. Foster lyric I’ve become obsessed with: “And if it wasn’t designed, then I’ll be damned if I ever know why.”)

Though honestly, for me? The opposite is true. I’ve faced, and continue to face, so many mental-health barriers to having the kind of life I’d like to have, and I’ve fought (and continue to fight!) such a harrowing, hard-scrabble fight to make that life happen anyway. It’s a massive struggle, it’s ongoing, it’s every day. It’s exhausting and humiliating and entirely without dignity. So the thing that I like to tell myself about the life I want? Is that I wasn’t meant to have it. Some particularly nasty gods have played a trick on me since birth, crafting a person for whom friends/romance/productive work/artistic fulfillment/Happiness are impossible–and day after day, I’m fighting them, trying to prove them wrong. Clawing and biting at them with everything I have in me. Forcing my way out of their boxes, grasping at what I want, and spitting in their eye for good measure.

I’m sure my preference for this narrative says something about me as a person, but I leave that up to you, anon!

- Be - Have you changed much as a person in the last year? 

…I literally don’t know where to start.

In August 2018, I wasn’t married yet. I lived in a small town in New Jersey with my parents and sister, and was desperately terrified of moving (permanently) anywhere else. I had completed two master’s degrees just a few months before, but I’d never had a full-time job, and I was 250% convinced (for the aforementioned mental-health reasons, and a chronic physical illness to boot!) that I could never, ever have one. Oh, and I’d just gotten back from a visit to my former roommate (which remains the last time I saw her, not counting Skype), and I was suffering constant agony over the intense, passionate, mutually pining, emotionally needy, co-dependent mess that was that relationship.

And now?

I’m married. I live in Boston, in an apartment where I’ve paid 100% of the rent for the past six months (though that will soon be changing!). I have a full-time job that has challenged and transformed me in ways that I could not possibly have imagined six months ago. Like…literally could not have fathomed. Outside the scope of my brainpower. Beyond my wildest dreams.

I’m the head of my department…because I’m the entire department. I do heavy-duty customer service. I interact with dozens of strangers every day–children, teens, and adults–and I usually do it without a whisper of social anxiety. I pick up my desk phone when it rings. I make phone calls when I have to. I send and receive dozens of e-mails a week. I manage a budget! I place orders! I schedule programs! I answer reference questions! I operate and troubleshoot various forms of technology constantly, and teach others how to use them. I reason with, joke with, assist, educate, entertain, chastise, and discipline 20+ rowdy teenagers ON A DAILY BASIS. There have been many days, and once an entire week, when I was literally in charge of my entire workplace and everyone in it. And it was all still functioning when my boss got back.

…And it’s actually really timely that I should write about all this now, because I’m smack-dab in the middle of an extremely daunting work task, one that’s causing my ADD to kick my ass to hell and back. And I’ve spent the past few days wondering just how fucking desperate this place must have been to hire someone who’s been wretchedly sobbing over her utter lack of focus and organizational skills for almost 30 years. So it’s…quite the morale-booster to look at these paragraphs about just how goddamn far I’ve come in a year.

…Also, Ex-Roommate and I have gone no-contact, and most days, I don’t think about her. And if I do, it doesn’t hurt so much.

- Talk - What’s your best friend like? 

I have three (3) best friends, and they are MY WORLD, so get ready for this.

(1.) My husband. We’ll call him Kit, which is, in fact, a name he often goes by. He is a Gemini, which I mention only because he’s a very classic Gemini: bursting with curiosity, interested in everything, with a dizzying array of hobbies and interests that seem to change and shift by the moment. He teaches science, and used to teach history. He loves camping, sea shanties, Lawrence of Arabia, board games, and tabletop RPGs. Being a teacher, he’s had the summer off, and he’s spent it being a house-husband: cleaning our apartment, buying all the groceries, doing my laundry an embarrassing number of times, and cooking me dinner every single night. He loves being useful to people and making people happy. He’s terrific at long-term planning, but has no sense of time, and he’d be late to everything without my intervention. We have separate bedrooms, and mine is obsessively neat, and his is…not. He was once bitten by a squirrel that he was hand-feeding on the Boston Common. A few days later, he received a serious electric shock from a string of Christmas lights, and the bandage he’d placed over the squirrel bite was burned black instead of his hand. This perfect balance of cursed and blessed is, in a way, all you really need to know about Kit.

We love to watch movies and TV shows together and discuss/analyze them obsessively. We love to have looong philosophical discussions and/or debates. We take walks, we get Italian food and/or ice cream far too often, we go on jolly road-trip adventures, and we read out loud to each other. He’s currently reading me Charles Dickens’ Our Mutual Friend, which I have read before (twice) and he has not, because I love it so intensely, and I know that he will too. He’s the best person on earth to discuss virtually anything with, to be honest. He’s my DM in the best D&D campaign I’ve ever been part of. I’ve just made a new D&D character, although I don’t have a campaign for her yet, and Kit cannot stop lavishing praise on her and getting excited about her…even though she’s a hobgoblin, and he spent a significant portion of a recent car ride passionately arguing with me about the viability of hobgoblins as player characters.

He is absolutely extraordinary at admitting when he’s wrong, owning it fully, changing his opinions, pursuing personal growth, and just becoming a better and better person all the time. And I’m so damn honored that I get to be here for it.

(2.) We’ll call my second best friend Unicorn, which is a multilayered inside joke.

I met Unicorn during my freshman year of college. We lived on the same floor. I was the odd woman out among my suitemates because I had crippling social anxiety; he was the odd man out among his because he was gay. Somehow we started watching movies and TV shows together, and it became our Thing; I think our current marathon record is six or seven movies in a row. We’re both from New Jersey, and he still lives there, and there are few places in the world I feel safer than on his giant couch, in front of his giant TV, with snacks and glasses of Limeade close at hand, and his neurotic little dog nosing about. He has a pool, a massive movie collection, and an encyclopedic knowledge of state politics, because he works as a full-time environmental canvasser. His hours are absolutely terrifying, as are the physical and social demands of his job, but he still finds time to run a D&D campaign for his coworkers, and to visit the rest of us in Boston at every possible opportunity.

Unicorn is barely a month older than I am (a fellow Leo, though I think it suits him a hell of a lot better than it suits me), and he understands me in specific ways that the other two members of our little quartet just can’t. We get each other’s humor, we have similar tastes in men, we both love to swim. When the four members of our found family are all together, he is invariably the only person who notices all my little puns and innuendos, and laughs every time.  He listens to me, and asks me questions, in a way that no one else in the world quite seems to do. He made a speech at my wedding that reduced me to a blubbering mess. And, most importantly of all: He started inviting me to our college’s LGBT group when we were juniors (right after Kit and I started dating), which was how I met my third best friend, and how we all became a family.

(3.) I’m going to refer to Best Friend #3 as “Dragon,” because…he loves dragons, and because he was Unicorn’s roommate when I first met him, and it keeps the mythological-creature theme going. …And once again, I don’t know where to start, so I’m going to go dig up an old post I made about Dragon, copy and paste it below, and then figure out how to elaborate on someone who both my husband and I have identified as the best human being we have ever met.

This is a friend who invites the whole gang of us to his apartment for entire long weekends, and cooks for us, repeatedly. Who hosts “fake Christmas” every year, complete with a tree decorated with blue and silver ornaments because he is Jewish, and made all of us hand-stitched, personalized stockings, and fills them with gifts and sweets purchased specially for each of us. Who once baked me a cake just because I was coming to visit him. Who organized and directed my entire move from New Jersey to Boston because his Tetris-like car-packing skills and his utter laidback unshakable calm in the face of any task are absolutely unparalleled. Who is a goddamn wizard at literally everything, from cooking and baking and sewing to Photoshop and graphic design to painting D&D miniatures to putting together elaborate cosplays to theater tech to writing and research to courageous and tireless activism to law (did I mention he’s a lawyer?).

…That was my old paragraph, so let me add a few things. I can’t emphasize enough how much he carries that aura of calm and kindness and competence about him at all times. Never in my life had I had a cooking/baking experience that didn’t stress me out until Dragon let me help him make an entire dinner and various desserts for our friend group, and it was just…so chill. So well-organized and perfectly timed, but without ever feeling like those things took any effort whatsoever. He was so kind and patient with me, demonstrating each task step by step, then being entirely confident in my ability to perform said tasks, and never trying to nitpick at the way I did them or take them over himself. Part of his job involves teaching, and I know he must be fantastic at it, because no one else has ever been such a soothing balm and a stimulant (both at once, somehow!) to my poor, tormented ADD brain. Someday (maybe soonish!), our whole found family is going to live together, and the thought of being around Dragon all the time just makes me weep with joy. And did I mention his sweet, child-like enthusiasm for holiday celebrations and ghost tours and spooky TV shows and musicals and fantasy novels and text RP and all other Best Things? (Ok, he also loves dogs and Marvel movies, and I love neither, but I forgive him for this.)

Oh, he also officiated my wedding. And he also had top surgery today, and I have maybe never been this happy about anything ever, what an auspicious day to finish this post!

[ff2-soda-pop]

can my mom please just stop binging the h*rry p*tt*r movies over and over and over and-