#exei.txt

[exeivt]

becoming ill/disabled is hard. changing your whole life around to a new routine and new normal is hard. complaining is okay. being angry or upset is okay. it's normal. all that matters is that you prioritize yourself and keeping yourself safe. don't let that anger turn too far inwards. don't let the grief drag you under. there will always be things in life to enjoy and love that will be within reach. always.

[exeivt]

if you believe in the idea of cringe, and it stops you from doing things -- i say this with all the love in my heart -- get over it. I'm not talking about anxiety here. I'm talking "I would never do that, that's embarrassing." fuck that. the only embarrassing thing is other people humiliating themselves by judging you on harmless meaningless bullshit. I'm so beyond kidding. cringe is dead. live your cringe era. be whatever the hell you want. there is no time to waste worrying about it.

[exeivt]

dysautonomia being a "young women's illness" is offensive not just to young women. it affects men, older people, etc by way of dismissing them as if they don't exist or that their problems are invalid too. we're all on the same side here.

[exeivt]

a hard and shitty thing is how much money and time you can spend trying to get a diagnosis, only for the doctor to say okay, you have it.

now what? you ask. you think something comes after. in a dream world something comes after. you get fixed.

do what you were doing, the doctor says. more of that.

that hasn't been working.

up your meds by a little bit then. or if you really want to, go see another specialist. more money and time. rinse and repeat.

[exeivt]

if you're chronically online I see you. if you log in once a week to escape I see you. if the internet is your haven I see you. if you live in the ones and zeroes and wires I see you.

[exeivt]

on difficult days, sometimes it's worth trying to remember easier days. sometimes it feels almost spiteful to do so. but other times it can be such a relief to know that peace can come again, will come again.

[exeivt]

"Dreaming our dreams, we do not know we are dreaming. We may even dream of interpreting a dream. Only on waking do we know it was a dream. Only after the great awakening will we realize that this is the great dream." - Zhuangzi

[exeivt]

if you can't get out of bed you still matter. if you can't go outside today the world is still waiting for you. if you can't make lunch you still have worth. if you can't drive you still deserve to see the world. if you can't socialize you still should have a support system. if you can't take care of yourself you still deserve care. if you can't speak you should still be listened to. if you can't do as much as you used to, you still mean something to the world. no matter what you can't do, there is something you can do. no matter what you can't do, you still matter.

[exeivt]

I don't want to be afraid of anything now

[exeivt]

change is inevitable. all through your life. year over year and moment over moment. it's okay. sometimes something major will happen and it feels like it will destroy you -- it won't. sometimes things change over time so that you barely notice it, and when you feel it all at once it's like the world is collapsing in on you, but you will survive. you are always changing. only by change can you grow, no matter the nature of it. you will be okay.

[exeivt]

this user is dreaming

[exeivt]

summer is finally winding down. i'm excited to spend more time outside. take morning walks, go to parks once in a while. breathe the fresh air. heat intolerance is definitely a bit of a curse, but it means i appreciate the cold seasons all the more for it. by the time summer ends i am so stir crazy the world outside is all beautiful again

[exeivt]

"For we have only what we know we must lose, what we are willing to lose… That selfhood which is our torment, and our treasure, and our humanity, does not endure. It changes it is gone, a wave on the sea. Would you have the sea grow still and the tides cease, to save one wave, to save yourself?”

Ursula K Le Guin

[exeivt]

tomorrow is a new day and it won't be like this. tomorrow will be fresh and ready to grow.

[exeivt]

good morning world. and i hope today is better than yesterday