#excuse me if i dump some new art. i realized i was. not posting on here in a while help

[werewolfyang]

(ocs) nap time

[damazcuz]

I've only had this account for about 5 years now. But I've been on tumblr for 13 years, since I was 16 and just starting to learn who I was, what transgender meant, what the world looked like at the time for a group I was swiftly realizing included me.

And for 13 years I have consistently used this site and stayed on, occasionally blog hopping when things felt stale or if things got bad. And things got bad sometimes. You'd get people calling you nasty things in your ask or replies or reblogs or tagging your username to sic their followers on you. And tumblr has always treated targeted harassment as a "Sorry you feel that way. That's not against tos though! Was this answer helpful?" issue whenever it's reported. They've never cared against abuse on their website, IN THE EXCEPTION of cases in which radfems and nazis have maliciously mass reported users for MAYBE hitting their breaking points and MAYBE snapping and saying something stupid that could be used as an excuse. Could be something today or four years ago in your archive but at some point, you had a bad day and posted something that could make tumblr say finally, we can get rid of a pest! or you were just transgender and said as much. A little too loudly in front of the wrong mod.

And this sounds so silly to say. But when you live in a website for 13 years and it's where you have your primary interactions with so many people and where you've met so many of your friends! It starts to feel like your community. Like an apartment building we all live in and visit each other's apartments and talk and decorate and laugh and play. And it's a bit of a dump and we all laugh about the crumbling peeling wallpaper and the slumlord that runs the place. We know the landlord isn't our friend, they just want us to pay rent until we're no good for it anymore. Produce the posts that make this site anything more than a hate forum, make the memes and the art and the posts that end up everywhere from your little sister's pinterest to your mom's Facebook to your uncle's meme subreddit. Keep up the garden and don't pile trash on the curb or you're out. This is "the queerest place on the net" only because queer people live here and hung on with our fingernails to stay here because if you have to leave, what's your fallback? You like your neighbors. They can't all come with you. They won't. Even the kind of crumbly parts feel like home after a while.

Like I want to clarify that Tumblr's reputation as a funny place to chill and scroll and meet people and see new things is not from the transphobes working on staff. Their job is to turn a profit or at least keep it LOOKING profitable, so the site can sell to the next moron to buy it out. The fun and joy of Tumblr is us. WE made this place. When you tear down our decorations and rip out our furnishings and toss us out on the street and look at what's left to show the next prospective tenant, it's a fucking dump. There is nothing left but the shittiest people in our neighborhood who are allowed to stay and make hate posts about us. There's the framework for "someone could make pretty posts here! It's a fixer upper!" But it's shit. It sucks.

I've been spiraling since yesterday over a couple of things I'm not taking well. One is work. "They can't fire us all!" I always joke. And people laugh. Last night my boss and I spent an hour and a half in this miserable fucking meeting, talking about the pressure pushing down on our load bearing team. We fantasized over all 8 of us being able to say "that's enough. I'm better than this. We are all walking out today and we will not come back. Don't text." And we can't. None of us can lose the stability of a full time job that pays kind of okay even though it's killing you. None of us can face that uncerainty. I left with chest pain. It was my first day back after major surgery. I went home and sat in one spot for over six hours almost unmoving, crying and just in disbelief of how unfair it is. We can't leave. But something has to give before my team dissolves and one of us puts a gun in their mouth. And then we all still have to make our shift. Who else will do all that? Who's going to cover, huh? Clock in.

And I spent the rest of my day, which ran to 4 am before I was able to sleep, wishing I could quit and hating what's happening on tumblr just as much. On a fucking blogging platform. Because this has been my fun sandbox for over a decade and it's always kind of sucked, it's full of cat shit and people throw sand at you and you're getting sunburned but it's fun here. You find your people to play with. And then it's like you remember oh yeah, other people here want me dead. The owner of this place wants me to die. He wants everyone that makes this place cool and fun to die. And he'll turn around and say "yeeeah well you shouldn't have joked about being mean to me." And it's like why am I here! Why am I making posts for YOU?

I can't leave employment. I'm only a couple of weeks, maybe a couple months away from homelessness at any given time, with how tight finances are. "Shoestring budget" would be generous. We're making it through sheer force of will. But I can't quit my job, and neither can anyone else.

But I can leave this place that I've hated and loved for so, so long. The other massive drain on my life that wants to see me shrivel and die. I can get up and go. We could all just go. Mass exodus. And I know it won't happen. Give it a week, ten days. People move along. Yeah, that sucked. Well, here we all still are. Still posting. Still tumbling. Still complaining about the landlord. But most people won't leave. How can you walk on your friends and community, knowing they won't all follow? But how do you continue to stay here watching this happen? I'm already listening to people tell me "so? that doesn't affect me. it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. and of course this happened, duhhhh." It's like, feel stupid for getting comfortable here. You should feel stupid for settling in and making it a home and thinking it would be fun here. If you are transgender you are not safe and you are not wanted. Not in the queerest place on the web, either.

It's not about the funny hammer car explosion """threat.""" It was never about the hammer car explosion. That was a dogwhistle through a megaphone to transphobes. Tumblr's darlings. Don't worry. I'll take care of this one that thinks she can speak up against me. And against you. And now there's a defined "REASON" for the ban. Why, Matt hardly knew he was banning a trans woman. All he knew was fear! He had no choice! And you can ignore the ACLU and the claims of systemic transphobia, that's something else. We fixed that!

I want this place to die because it is already rotting. We are scraping at the bones at this point. Walls are crumbling and there's a hole in the floor to the room below and the windows have long been knocked out and the boiler hasn't worked in years. They aren't going to fix it. It has never been the intention to fix it. They want you to leave or die. Whichever. Don't matter. Just get lost. I will find another tenant. I will find another person who will give me more ad revenue. You are replaceable in that sense. Someone else will join tumblr tomorrow. And tumblr will make a buck off them instead.

But they cannot replace the ways in which you and I have made this site livable and bearable and fun. And I want us to leave so that the husk of this place can collapse and blow away in the wind. I want tumblr to take a major hit and I want the loss of ad revenue to HURT THEM. I want a mad scramble to figure out how to fix it all. They can't. They won't. The fix has always been there and it's always been refused. Terfs will never be turned away from tumblr. Neither will nazis. "Sorry you feel that way, but that's not against our tos. Was this answer helpful?"

You know how they say, "it there are ten people at a table and one is a nazi and no one stands up, you have ten nazis"? This feels like that to me. If 20,000 of us wait a week, shrug, and resume joking and playing and say, well, yeah, it's sad that another dozen trans fems were banned last night. But I like it here...

It feels like that. Why are my trans sisters' archives of 5, 10+ years of life and joy being wiped clean? I can't even tell you how many posts I've seen from an op whose url I recognize from last week, but whose username is grey and icon default, because she posted something less than a day ago to say "yo this sucks. Fuck this place and fuck this guy." They've never ever found the terfs and nazis to ban them because they DON'T CARE. Those are the ones they prefer. That they cater to. Post about the ceo being a dumbfuck and in 12 hours, risk losing your community and the ability to look back at your life online. Clean slate. As if you never lived there. Oh, but tumblr isn't a transphobic place. We fired the one and only naughty transphobe on staff who was taking bribes to send out bans. Pay to win moderation. That person's gone. So it's okay and you don't need to worry. It's okay, I promise. It's the queerest place on the web. Get comfortable.

I love my job and I love this place. One of them is going to push me to the edge. But I can choose to leave one. You can choose to leave with me. They can't fire us all.

[fanficimagery]

Friends in High Places

Summary: When Spencer comes home with files to a case that has his team stumped, he's surprised when you- his neighbor for a couple years now- is the person who gives them a new lead to follow. That and that you're ex-SHIELD.

Words: 8K Warnings: This is what I get for starting a rewatch of Criminal Minds and then watching Marvel movies all in one day. Fml. I've never written for Criminal Minds, so please excuse the mediocre-ness of their characterization. I have no idea what I'm doing; I just knew I wanted a crossover between these two fandoms. Also timeline? What are those? All you gotta know is that this is an AU where Bucky's joined the team and Steve DIDN'T ruin the life Peggy Carter would have had. As for the CM side, this is sometime after Hotch has left and Emily took over. Idk.

Having the night off and wanting nothing more than to just be lazy, you're sitting on your couch in your most comfiest clothes and mindlessly scrolling through Tumblr as your TV plays some program on Animal Planet. You're not even paying attention to the program, but the low sound is perfect for background noise.

You're queuing up some art posts that catch your attention, as well as some gif sets of the TV shows you've become a constant viewer of in the past few years, when there's a knock at your door. But not just any knock. It's a specific knock that you and your neighbor came up with after you got to know each other and became fast friends, and it was to let the other know they were home and wanted company. You mostly worked nights and his work schedule was always all over the place, so it's surprising you're both home at the same time.

Picking up your phone, you shoot him a quick text that you'll be over in five.

Spencer Reid is literally the man of every woman's dream, even if they didn't know it. He's cute and adorable and sometimes dangerously hot all rolled into one, and the best thing about it all is that he doesn't even know it. You had met him on one of your first few days in the apartment complex, but unfortunately it was during one of your slight panic attacks when a thunderstorm had caught you off guard while you were sitting in your car and you didn't have an umbrella.

He had seen and heard you freaking out as he was passing by, and knocked on the passenger window. You had collected yourself just long enough to roll the window down a few inches when he asked if you were okay, then proceeded to answer his own question by stating you obviously weren't. When he realized you lived in the same complex and asked if he could climb inside your car and out of the storm, you had stared at him in confusion until he realized that might have been a bit weird since you were strangers. He stammered his way through his explanation of being an FBI agent and after showing you his badge you had let him in.

You didn't have to tell him what was making you panic and he proceeded to keep your mind occupied. He asked about you and where you had moved in from, and spewed random facts about anything to temporarily make you forget about the storm raging outside. But the torrential rain wasn't letting up and the lightning was only getting closer and closer. He made you realize you had to make a run for it and even offered up his umbrella for you. You had thanked him with tears in your eyes and made a run for it on the count of three when you were settled just enough.

Inside the lobby of your apartment building, you had stood there trembling while Spencer nervously gripped onto the strap of his messenger bag as he stood across from you. When you were shaking the water off his umbrella, you hesitantly told him your reasoning for your freak-out. It wasn't necessarily the thunderstorm, but rather the torrential rain that wasn't letting up. A few years back you had a drowning incident and too much water on your face tended to bring back those memories. He said he understood and then with a sympathy tinged smile he offered to walk you to your apartment. It was a pleasant surprise to learn you had only lived two doors down from him.

Weeks turned into months and months into a couple of years, and you and Spencer were nearly inseparable when you both had the same day/night off.

So after quickly fixing your already messy hair so you don't look like a complete slob, and pulling on a loose hoodie, you grab your phone from the sofa and then head on out. Your socked feet keep your footsteps quiet as you head down to Spencer's door where you knock three times on it before opening it up and stepping inside.

But before you can greet him with a cheesy welcome, he's already calling out, "Hope you haven't had dinner. I picked up some burgers on the way home."

On cue, your stomach grumbles. "God bless you, you beautiful, beautiful man!" You hear him laugh from a room that's not where his kitchen is, so you make a beeline for the kitchen instead of accidentally walking in on him changing. There are two paper bags on the table and you quickly grab plates from his cabinet to separate the food on. Spencer enters the kitchen in a shirt and some gray joggers, and you greet him with a beaming smile. "You're home and in one piece! Yay!" He laughs and you quickly lean in to peck his cheek, not saying a word when you catch sight of his pink tinged cheeks. "You have any beer?"

"Yes. Grab two, please."

"Got it." You hear one of his kitchen chairs creak as you open his refrigerator to grab two beers, you then searching a nearby drawer for the bottle opener. Once you find it, you walk back over to the table and open each beer before handing one over to him.

"Thanks."

"Mhm." Taking a seat, you set your beer down before unwrapping your burger and dumping your fries out onto the plate. "So what's up, doc? You're home surprisingly early."

"We've hit a wall on our latest case," he says, keeping it vague. "There was nothing for us to do while Garcia did her thing, so Emily sent us home for a bit."

"Nice." You take a bite of your burger and your eyes widen when Spencer's eyebrows raise in surprise. When you realize how your words sounded, you're quick to backtrack. "Wait! It's not nice that you hit a wall, but nice that you got sent home! I got free food out of it. That's why it's nice. Not because, you know, you haven't found the-"

"Y/N, you're rambling," Spencer says, lips twitching. "I understood what you meant."

You sigh, shoulders dropping, and grab half a fry to toss at him. "Eat your food, Reid. It's getting cold."

It surprisingly doesn't take long for the two of you to eat your dinner, you both being hungrier than you first thought. After you're done, Spencer turns down a second beer but tells you to help yourself. You do. And on the way into his living room, you bump into one of his chairs and knock his bag over. You gasp and set your beer down on the coffee table, falling to your knees to scoop up his files that had spilled out.

Chuckling, Spencer crouches next to you as you profusely apologize.

"It's okay. It was an accident." A few pictures had slid out of their files and normally you'd just shove them back in because his work wasn't any of your business, but the face staring back up at you makes you pause. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a little heavy on the eyeliner, and a lip piercing. You know her. "Y/N?" You gulp and flip to another picture- brown hair, brown eyes, mole above the right eyebrow. You know her too. "Y/N? Are you okay?"

With trembling hands, you flip back to the first picture and show it to him. "Is Lilian dead?"

Spencer's eyes widen. "You knew her?"

Knew. Past tense. She is dead. Showing him the second picture, you nod sadly. "Kyndall too."

He seems to stop breathing then and from one moment to the next he's opening files and pulling out picture after picture. As you stare at each of them, you grimace and swallow down the bile that's threatening to climb its way up your throat. "Y/N, do you know any of the others?"

Shakily exhaling, you point at each picture. "Desiree, Celeste, Maria. I don't know this one, but I think her last name was Valdez? And then the male is Tim."

Spencer falls on his butt, staring at you in surprise. "That's right. We know their names and their current line of work, but that's about it. Their files only seem to go back a few years. Everything between the end of their high school career and current line of work seems to be scrubbed clean. Do you- do you know of any connection between these people? Any little thing you know can possibly be a big help to my team."

Your gaze darts up to him and your heart sinks. You've managed to keep your past mostly hidden, but now it seems the time has come to tell him what you did before. "They, uh, they're all ex-agents of SHIELD. The real SHIELD, not HYDRA."

"What?"

"If I remember correctly, they were computer analysts or paper pushers. They had gun training as one would think an agent would have, but they were agents who didn't really have to train in hand-to-hand since they never made it out into the field."

"You're positive? How do you know this?"

You gulp. "Because I'm ex-SHIELD too."

Spencer blinks at you, but then in the next moment he's up on his feet and reaching for his phone. He places a quick phone call, stepping into another room and leaving you alone. Your stomach sinks and you have a feeling that this confession might have just put a wedge in your friendship. After all, though ex-agents were being picked up by other different branches of the government, you weren't sure just how exactly trustworthy all ex-agents were being treated.

Spencer reappears, nervously tucking his hair behind his ear. "Do you mind coming with me back to work? My co-workers could really pick your brain about this."

You blink at him. "W-What? You're not mad at me?"

"Mad?" He chuckles. "Why would I be mad? I mean I wish I had known what you did so I didn't have to worry about you being alone when I left for a case, but I can see why you would keep that underwraps. HYDRA made a lot of people paranoid."

"Tell me about it," you mumble. Then after a few seconds, you finally climb up to your own two feet. "Um, just let me go put on some shoes. I'll meet you in the hall."

Spencer's smile and nod eases some of your worries, but you still quickly make an escape to go put on some shoes. Your front door bangs open and you hurry to your hall closet. Yanking open that door, you pull on the first pair of Converse you come across. Then taking a moment to think, you grab a pair of knee high boots that you use every once in a while. Reaching inside, you grab your old badge and a USB stick, sticking your badge in your back pocket and the USB in your front pocket. Then grabbing your keys from the hook by the front door, you shut the door after exiting and lock it. Spencer is waiting down the hall for you and you jog towards him. He tightly smiles and then leads you downstairs, towards his car, and you sit quietly in his passenger seat while he drives.

On the way towards Spencer's place of work, he can't help but ask, "So what exactly did you do with SHIELD if you don't mind me asking."

You shrug. "Cat's out of the bag now, so I don't mind." You chuckle though it kind of falls flat. "I was, uh, a computer analyst for a while. But then I was taken on a field trip with a few agents and we ended up trading bullets with several not so nice guys. The field agents liked the way I handled myself and requested I level up, so to speak."

"And you never thought of trying to get hired on with anyone else? If I recall, the FBI and CIA were picking up ex-SHIELD agents after the fall."

You shake your head. "Remember that drowning incident I mentioned? Or the reason why I can't take baths anymore and have to turn my shower on and off between washing?" Spencer hums, remembering what he thought were odd quirks until he realized it was all because of your fear of certain amounts of water. "That drowning incident was HYDRA's fault. I spent months in rehab and just- well, no one wanted a damaged agent."

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm kind of glad they didn't. I quite like my neighbor who picks up take-out and bakes sweets for me after a rough case."

You try not to think too much about his words and instead choose to smile at him before looking out your window. The drive is only about twenty minutes and fortunately the radio fills in the semi-tense silence.

When you get to the FBI building, Spencer escorts you inside with a hand at the small of your back. You're given a visitor's badge and you quickly clip it onto the hem of your hoodie. The elevator ride up to the BAU's main floor is a short one and it opens up to a wall of glass where you can see several desks behind it.

Spencer opens the door for you and you can't help but make yourself seem as small as possible. You cross your arms over your chest, hugging yourself as you enter the room. There are several people milling about, but no one pays you any attention. Only one female, dark bangs covering her forehead while the rest of her hair falls just passed her shoulders, heads towards you once she spots you and Spencer.

"Y/N," Spencer says, introducing you to the woman as she nears, "this is our Unit Chief Emily Prentiss. Emily, this is my good friend Y/N Y/L/N."

Emily is all smiles as she reaches to shake your hand. "Hi! It's nice to finally meet the girl who takes care of our boy wonder after cases."

Spencer nervously chuckles and you find yourself genuinely grinning. "It's nice to finally meet you too. I've heard some funny stories about all you guys."

"I will neither confirm nor deny any of those."

Emily then leads you towards a room where three others are waiting. "Guys, this is Y/N Y/L/N. Friend of Spence and ex-agent of SHIELD. Y/N, this is Special Agent Derek Morgan and Jennifer Jareau, and our very own technical analyst Penelope Garcia."

Everyone happily greets you and Jennifer even gives you the go ahead to call her JJ. You're offered a seat at their round table and you glance at their board filled with pictures of people you used to work with. Spencer sits next to you and you offer him a feeble smile when he reaches beneath the table to squeeze your knee.

"Alright, guys, I know we're all interested in the girl who lives next to Spence, but we need to get down to business." Spencer groans as his teammates all chuckle. "So Y/N, is there anything else you can give us about the victims? What exactly did they do? Did they all personally know each other or just enough because they were coworkers? Even the smallest bit of info that you think is inconsequential can help us."

"I, uh, I can do you one better," you say. You shift in your seat and reach into your front pocket, pulling out the USB stick. "Since I figure all those NDA's we signed are now null and void thanks to Agent Romanoff's data dump, and because you're Spencer's friend, I feel comfortable handing this over. It kind of made me nervous keeping it in my house anyway."

You slide the USB towards Penelope and she gasps, snatching it up and holding it as if it were the holy grail. "Is this- are these files? Because let me tell you, I tried to download those files as soon as they hit the net but there were just so many and not even our WiFi could download it fast enough before they were scrubbed clean."

You grin and nod, chuckling at Penelope's squeal. "I started collecting everyone's files that I could get my hands on. I started with the baby agents- agents whose files wouldn't toss up red flags when their files were opened. The more clearance I was granted, the more files I was able to download."

"Oh my god. Yes! You are my new favorite person." Penelope rushes around the table, bending down to kiss your cheek with a loud mwah! "Reid, keep this one. I'll be in my lair."

The group all chuckle as you blush, but then Agent Morgan is clearing his throat. "Not that I'm not grateful about what you're giving up, but isn't what you were doing illegal?"

You shrug. "It possibly was, but then Director Fury realized I was memorizing it all and didn't have a problem with it so long as those files didn't leave my office."

"But you have them on you now," Morgan says.

"Yeah. The USB was hidden within my belongings in my office. My office surprisingly survived unscathed after Captain Rogers crashed the helicarriers into the Potomac, and my stuff was packed up and shipped to me while I was in rehab."

"If you don't mind me asking," JJ wonders, "but were you at the Triskelion when HYDRA came out or..?"

"I don't mind the questions at all," you say. "It's actually quite nice to talk about it with people who aren't eyeing me suspiciously." The group flashes you small smiles. "I was actually on a consulting job with a recently formed SHIELD team whose base was a humongous plane that was constantly on the move. Anyway, one of those trusted team members ended up being HYDRA. He led a group of his men onto the plane, killed half of us to get control of it, and then locked me and two scientists into a holding pod before dropping us into the middle of the ocean."

"The drowning incident," Spencer suddenly realizes.

You smile sadly at him, nodding. "We sank to the bottom of the ocean floor. There were three of us and only one little oxygen tank." Spencer grabs your hand beneath the table and you're grateful for the grounding pressure. "We gave it to Jemma. Fitz and I were going to attempt to swim, but we didn't make it. Fitz blacked out first, then me, and then- then nothing. We woke up in a trusted SHIELD facility, and Fitz and I couldn't operate like we used to. With our brains having been deprived of oxygen, it messed us up for a while."

"Wow," Emily says. "I am so sorry."

You shrug at her with a small smile. "It was all part of the job."

"What do you do now?" Morgan asks. "I hate to say it, but with all our victims being ex-SHIELD, and you as well, we have to rule you out as-"

"I get it." You smile in reassurance at him since it kind of pained him to admit that you could be a suspect and have Spencer glare at him for even thinking it. "I'm a bouncer at a bar most nights."

Morgan chuckles. "A bouncer? You!?"

"Hey! I might not look like much, but I did train with Avengers. I could probably give you a run for your money, agent Morgan."

"Okay, okay," he muses.

"I also work as private security for Stark Industries when they throw galas. If you need the exact dates I've been working, I can get that for you."

"Please," JJ says. "Spencer's already vouched for you, but protocol and all that. You understand."

"I do. I'll just- I'll text my bosses to email my clock-ins and clock-outs."

Pulling out your phone, you immediately text your boss at the bar and Pepper Potts. You keep the explanation vague as to why you need it, but assure them it's very much needed for a case the FBI is working on. They completely understand and you even have to make Pepper swear not to get Tony involved.

The emails come in not even ten minutes later and JJ happily takes your phone to run the dates with Penelope, promising to be quick about it. You remain in your seat, watching as Morgan and Emily walk towards the board and start tossing their thoughts back and forth over what they've learned so far.

Your hands are atop the table, thumbs chipping away the already chipped nail polish you have on. The second you raise your hand with the intent of chewing on your thumb nail, Spencer catches your hand. "You okay?" He quietly asks and you stare at him. He then lets your hand go as you pull them back into your lap.

"Yeah. Just getting kind of tired. And a bit anxious. Someone's targeting ex-SHIELD agents and I- well I'm one of those people."

"No one is going to hurt you, Y/N. I promise."

You feebly smile, not taking his words to heart because you know he can't actually keep that promise. He might want to, but you know better than to take these types of promises seriously in situations such as this.

JJ reappears, a bright smile in place as she hands you your phone. "I'm pretty sure Penelope programmed her number in there."

"That's fine." You chuckle. You lay your phone on the table, giving your attention back to Emily and Morgan who's now being joined by JJ.

"Guys, Garcia is having a ball right now. There's so much information she wasn't privy to before, but I'm not sure how any of it is going to help more than Y/N already has." Emily and Morgan look at JJ, waiting for her to explain. "We already know victims weren't the best at hand-to-hand, which the unsub clearly took advantage of. But we need to know what they were presently doing and if they were checking in with anyone because there are a lot of dead ex-agents. That's not a coincidence. Either someone who's ex-SHIELD or HYDRA is picking off ex-agents one by one, or someone who has a grudge against SHIELD found a list of ex-agents and is working their way down the list."

"Where do we even start?" Morgan asks, incredulous. "SHIELD technically doesn't exist anymore and those who are operating in the shadows are nearly impossible to track down thanks to the Avengers. None of them are exactly easy to get a hold of after General Ross made it his personal mission to bring in James Buchanan Barnes for crimes HYDRA made him commit. They like working on their own."

"We'd have to jump through a bunch of hoops just to get a face to face," Emily says, sighing. "If we're lucky they'll want in on the case since it's related to SHIELD."

"Um, actually.." You nervously raise your hand, calling all attention on you. "You can bypass all those hoops."

Emily stares at you, sitting on the edge of the table as she crosses her arms over her chest. "You still have connections, don't you?" At your sheepish grin, she huffs in amusement. Every other team member straightens with hope in their expressions.

"Agent Prentiss, I am the connection." As you pick up your phone once more, JJ and Morgan step closer to the table. You scroll through your contacts, finding the one you need and tapping on it. Then putting it on speaker, you try to soothe your nerves as the ringing through the speaker seems to make the atmosphere of the room become tense.

The ringing stops as the connection is made and then, "Well, well, well. If it isn't my second favorite human on God's green Earth." You roll your eyes at the charm oozing from him. "What kind of trouble are you in now, doll?"

Emily and JJ's eyes widen, and you shake your head in amusement. "Put your boyfriend on the line, Barnes. I'm calling in a favor."

"Are you calling to finally take us up on that offer of joining us for a night?"

Everyone in the room seems to freeze, although Morgan is highly enjoying where this seems to be going. You close your eyes, scrunching up your nose. You can't believe they just heard that. "Steve really needs to put a muzzle on you."

"Well if you're into that-"

"Bucky!" You bark. "You're on speaker." Morgan finally loses the battle with his laughter and you wish you can sink into your chair. Instead you have to settle for just insanely blushing and covering your face with one hand. "I'm currently with the BAU of the FBI. They have a case that they could use some help on."

"Oh." There's a beat of silence. "Christ, Y/N. You should have stopped me sooner. Stevie's gonna lecture me again. Hold on. I'll go get him."

The line goes silent and you nervously meet Spencer's gaze. He's the only one who doesn't seem as amused which is why you don't find Bucky's greeting as funny as you normally would. Something about his expression actually makes you wish Bucky hadn't said anything.

"Y/N?"

You sit a little straighter in your seat. "Hey, Cap."

"What's going on? Buck mentioned the FBI."

"Uh yeah. I'm with Agents Prentiss, Morgan, Jareau, and Doctor Reid," you tell him. "They've been dealing with a case that had gone cold and well I kind of made a connection they hadn't seen before because they couldn't, and uh I'm sure they could use your help."

"What was the connection?"

You look at Emily and she nods, letting you tell him. "Steve, all the victims are ex-SHIELD. Specifically agents who wouldn't have had too much training; who couldn't hold their own without a gun in hand."

There's a sharp inhale. "What do they need?"

Emily's eyes close in relief and she holds her hand out for your phone. You happily oblige her and hand it over. "Captain Rogers, this is Special Agent Emily Prentiss. I'm the one in charge of my team here."

"Hello, Agent Prentiss. How can my team and I be of help?"

"Well we mainly need to pick your brains and ask some questions. We're aware that SHIELD is still operating to an extent, even if it is in the shadows, so we'd like to know if the victims were still affiliated with you. If we're dealing with someone who is or was from SHIELD or HYDRA, we'd like to have you involved since you have more experience with how they operate."

"That's fine. I'll gather my team and set up a room. Are you okay to set up base here in the Compound?"

"Yes!" JJ says, starting everyone. She clears her throat and calms herself. "Yes."

Steve chuckles. "Very well. Gather everything you need. I'll be sending a quinjet for you all since it'll be faster. Y/N knows the pick-up location."

"Thank you so much, Captain Rogers."

Emily hands you the phone and seeing that the call is still connected, you say, "Hey, Steve? Thanks for this."

"It's not a problem, sweetheart. Are you okay though? You're an ex-shield agent yourself."

"I know, but nothing has been out of the ordinary. I'm okay."

"Good. You coming too?"

"I was actually planning on going home after driving the agents to the location. I'm not an active agent anymore, bub."

"I know you're not, but with that agent neighbor of yours coming here I rather have you here as well so we can keep an eye on you." You sigh at his protectiveness. "Bring a change of clothes for a week. I'll have Nat get a hold of your boss and let him know some of what's going on so you'll have a job to go back to once all of this is over."

"You're a pain in the ass, Rogers."

Steve laughs. "See you soon, Y/L/N."

The call ends and you set your phone down. Glancing up, you smile sheepishly at the team staring at you. "So, uh, I guess I'm tagging along. Sorry about that."

Emily opens her mouth, her words getting stuck as she shakes her head in amusement. "Don't be. You got us working with the Avengers within minutes as opposed to taking hours, possibly even a day if I had to put in a request."

Morgan whistles appreciatively. "This is insane. I'm gonna give Garcia a heads up about our field trip. Expect another tag a long. I don't think she'll pass up this opportunity."

You chuckle as JJ says, "Rossi is going to be so pissed he took a vacation and missed out on working with the Avengers." Then looking at you, she adds, "Do you think Spider-Man will be there? My son absolutely loves him and I would be the coolest mom ever if I got a picture or video with him."

"I'm sure Pe- uh, I'm sure Spider-Man will make an appearance," you say. "He's always hanging around after his classes are done for the day."

JJ's eyes widen. "You totally know who he is."

"I do. And let me tell you, he absolutely adores kids. Ask and he'll happily oblige."

"Guys. Guys!" Emily says. "Case first, fangirl later."

Spencer snorts and you elbow him on reflex. He grumbles, Emily and JJ grin, and you innocently smile at Emily. "Sorry, Agent Prentiss. I'll just- I'll go sit on that couch over there so I'm not in the way."

Emily starts telling her team what needs to be done, repeating herself again when Morgan returns with a clearly excited Garcia. Morgan informs everyone he'll go gather the boxes of files while Spencer immediately sets out to disassemble the board of pictures and post-its. Garcia excitedly rushes back to her own office to pack up a few things, while Emily and JJ figure out what all they'll need to be taking with them.

To keep yourself occupied, you waste a few minutes by playing a game on your phone.

You're not sure how much time has passed, but someone hesitantly sitting next to you takes your attention off your phone. Glancing up, you see Spencer sitting there and realize everyone else has cleared out of the room. "We should be ready to head out in about ten minutes."

"Oh. Okay."

There's a moment of silence and then, "Soo.. Bucky Barnes." He chuckles, running a hand through his hair, and you can tell his amusement isn't exactly genuine. "He's- he's not the type of person I pictured you with if I'm being honest."

"Barnes?" You snort. "Ew. No." Spencer seems surprised by your reply. "Bucky likes to flirt with me because he knows it won't go anywhere. He's well aware of the actual person I have a crush on and he respects that. Mostly."

"O-Oh? So there is someone in the picture then?"

"Well, not really," you say. Squirming in your seat, you're not totally comfortable with the direction this talk has taken until you see you're not the only one squirming. Spencer is avoiding eye contact, but he's also clearly awaiting your answer. There's also a telltale flush up the side of his neck to the tips of his ears, and- oh. Oh. Seeing how nervous Spencer suddenly is makes you feel better. So better, in fact, that you feel you should speak up about something that you've kept secret for a while. "Well I mean I'd like there to be," you say, grinning when he freezes. "The thing is, he actually lives down the hall from me." Cue him holding his breath. "He's totally adorable, but also secretly hot which is so unfair, and he works for the FBI." Spencer's head snaps in your direction, eyes wide. You smile sheepishly and shrug. "The only downfall is that he's way too good for someone like me, so I settled for friendship."

Your heart is beating terribly fast and the only thing keeping you glued to your seat is Spencer grinning bashfully, cheeks pink. "If you ask me, I don't think he's too good at all. I-If anything, he probably thinks you were too good for him which is why he never made his own feelings known."

Relief washes over you and you laugh. "We're idiots, huh?"

Lips pressed together, he smiles wide. Then, "A little."

"Rain check on this discussion? We've got Avengers to greet and you have a case to solve."

"Of course!" Spencer hastily stands, offering you a hand up. Grinning, you take it and let him pull you to your feet while shoving your phone into your back pocket. "Wherever we're going, is it okay to leave our vehicles there?"

"Yeah. It's private property and pretty secluded. No one gets in without codes."

"Okay then. We'll swing by our building for your bag and then you can direct one of the drivers while the other follows."

"Sure. Sounds like a plan."

Because of the connection between the list of victims, you have an escort up to your apartment while you pack a bag. Emily and JJ happily accompany you, leaving Spencer to fend for himself with Morgan and Garcia.

In your apartment, the two female agents waste no time in subtly trying to figure out your exact feelings for their dear friend and you take great amusement in skirting around the answer they so desperately try to pry out of you. And it's only after your duffel is packed do you tell them you and Spencer had admitted some things to each other, but you are planning to talk about it further after their case is closed. JJ seems oddly giddy and Emily coos about their boy genius growing up. You blush, relieved that they've taken a to liking to you. Then when you get back to the vehicles, you know Spencer has been questioned as well given the smirks being sent your way.

The drive to the field isn't long and the team is impressed by the level of security for a seemingly abandoned airfield. There's an unmanned gate which you get off at to speak for voice recognition, punch in a specific code, give a hand print, and then secretly have your forefinger pricked for a blood sample. Then when the gate swings open, you quickly climb back into the car and instruct Emily towards the second gate where a guard sits. The guard greets you warmly and, after you introduce those in the vehicle with you, he assures you he knows all about the impending pick-up.

"So what exactly are we in for?" Morgan asks. You're all waiting in an opened hangar, the boxes they'd packed sitting on the ground.

"Your perceptions about them are about to be changed," you admit. "I'm sure you've all told yourselves that the Avengers are just like you and I, but you have no idea how true that it is until you meet them."

"Who is the nicest?" JJ wonders.

You take a moment to think about. "Honestly? They're all nice, but if I had to choose I'd choose Spider-Man. It's hard not to like him. The kid's a puppy."

"Who gives the best hugs?" Garcia quickly adds.

Everyone chuckles at her eagerness. "That's a tough one," you say. You ponder on it for a moment. "I say it's a tie between Steve and Thor. They hug full on, chest to chest. None of that half-assed, one arm hug nonsense."

Garcia practically swoons. "Oh to be wrapped up in those beefy Asgardian arms." You snort and shake your head in amusement.

Another twenty minutes pass and you regale Spencer and his friends about some of your work with SHIELD. But all too soon the telltale sound of a quinjet reaches your ears and when you look up you see one incoming.

"Well that was hella fast," Garcia muses when she spots the quinjet herself.

JJ grins. "Stark technology. Gotta love it."

Emily nods in agreement. "We definitely need an upgrade."

Whoever is flying the quinjet lands it with ease, and Spencer, Morgan, and JJ immediately pick up their boxes. Shouldering the strap of your duffel bag, you start heading towards the quinjet when the ramp is being lowered and the team follows a few steps behind.

Clint Barton walks off the ramp and you chuckle, hurrying your steps. Both your arms go around his neck and one of his arms wraps low around your waist. "Short stack," he says. "What trouble did you get into now?"

"Why does everyone assume I'm in trouble?" You pout as you pull back, pinching his cheek and cooing before stepping back out of range. "And what are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be on the farm with those precious little heathens?"

"I was, but Laura had leftovers for Nat and Wanda. I was just dropping them off when Steve rounded up the team."

"Oh nice." Then turning around, you gesture to the BAU team. "Clint, meet Special Agents Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau, Doctor Spencer Reid, and the brains of the beauty of the team Miss Penelope Garcia. Guys, meet Clint Barton formerly known as Hawkeye."

Everyone shakes hands, with the exception of Garcia who slaps his hand away and pulls him into a hug.

"Baby girl," Morgan laughs, "what are you doing?"

She squeezes a chuckling Clint before letting go, she then whirling on her own friend. "This is my first time meeting the Avengers. Do not take this from me!" Morgan's eyebrows raise in amusement, the whole team and Clint chuckling.

Then not wasting anymore time, Clint ushers everyone on board. He shows them where the boxes and your bag can be stowed before taking the pilot's seat up front, only to be joined by Morgan moments later in the co-pilot seat. You show Emily and Garcia how to buckle in, and then take your own seat between JJ and Spencer.

Clint counts down for lift off and you grip your harness as you feel the quinjet take flight. Spencer nudges you with his elbow and you glance at him, grinning to assure him you're okay. But when you can feel the quinjet picking up speed thanks to the feeling in your gut, you close your eyes and are thankful that no one brings up the fact that you're actually really nervous right now.

Your left hand is grabbed and gently pried from your grip on the harness, and your eyes fly open in surprise. You look towards your left and JJ smiles at you reassuringly as she squeezes your hand in comfort. Then when your right hand is grabbed and given the same treatment, you glance over at Spencer and can't help but blurt, "I-I've never been nervous about flying before."

"It's perfectly normal to subconsciously be nervous or anxious after we trudged up your past earlier," he says. "Just close your eyes and relax. We won't let anything happen to you."

You nod, smiling shakily and turn your head to rest it against the headrest of your seat. Then closing your eyes, you're grateful for the team not asking you anything for the duration of the ride. Instead, they save their questions for Clint who's all too happy to answer what he can.

You know the Compound's come into view when Morgan whistles in appreciation. Clint lands to quinjet with ease and then everyone's unbuckling themselves when he gives the go ahead. Before you can grab your bag, however, Spencer is grabbing it and beaming at you when you sigh with mock annoyance.

One by one the BAU team disembarks after Clint, leaving you and Spencer to bring up the rear. You hear Clint introducing everyone and notice everyone's congregated around in a circle. Then just as you and Spencer join, you notice that Garcia is petting Bucky's vibranium arm. You snort, catching an amused Steve's attention.

"Y/N," he greets.

"Steve." You step forward, briefly hugging him and then Bucky. As you step back in line, you gesture towards Spencer to introduce him. "This is Doctor Spencer Reid. Spence, this is Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes."

Steve leans in for a handshake, but then pauses mid-shake. "Wait. Spencer Reid? The Spencer Reid?" He grins. "Are you- are you and the agent neighbor one in the same?"

You sharply inhale, eyes widening when everyone turns to stare at your rapidly blushing face. Steve's grin turns rather teasing and your eyes narrow at him. "Two words; octopus dick." Steve's amusement vanishes, and everyone turns towards a now blushing Steve as Bucky guffaws. You turn your gaze on him next. "I don't know why you're laughing, dolphin boy."

Bucky immediately shuts up and Steve shakily grins before addressing the team. "Okay! Now that we've all been introduced, lets get inside before Y/N starts a war she can't finish."

Morgan and JJ are the only two to follow after Steve, Bucky, and Clint. Emily and Garcia remain with you and Spencer, and both females look to you with pleading eyes.

"Please tell me how four innocuous words got two supersoldiers to blush like that?" Garcia asks, Emily nodding along with her. "I need to know!"

"Sorry, girls," you tell them. "Those stories get out and I'm dead meat."

The both of them grumble about not getting answers, but move on without fuss. Before you can follow, however, Spencer steps closer to you. "You won't even tell me?" He asks, voice quiet.

You huff. "You already know."

Spencer's answering smile is enough to make you roll your eyes and he's quick to keep pace with you as you enter the building. There are numerous people milling about, but since it's late most of the trainees are in bed. Every piece of furniture and fixture still seems brand spanking new, so you don't blame the BAU team looking around in awe.

Heading into the chosen office, you lead Spencer inside before catching Steve's attention. "I'm gonna let you guys get to work. I'll be setting up in my room if anyone needs me."

No one objects, so after taking your bag from Spencer you take your leave. You leisurely make your way towards the living quarters of the compound and find your room with ease. Opening the door, the familiarity of it brings a tired smile to your face. The lamps have been turned on, awaiting your arrival, and even the TV has been turned on with its volume on low. The walls and bedding is the same as everyone else has, but you know it's your room because of the personal pictures on the dresser and bedside tables.

Since you're going to be staying until the case is over and then probably a couple days more after, you decide to put your clothes in the dresser rather than leave it in your bag for the entire time. After that's done and you've switched your TV to a movie you like, you pick out a standard set of black sleep pants and a blue/gray shirt that every trainee at the compound wears to bed so you can shower before crawling into bed yourself.

You're grateful for the private bathroom and even more grateful to see the products you use already waiting for you. You turn on the water to the shower, grab a towel from the bathroom closet and set it on the counter along with your change of clothes before you start to strip.

You keep your hair in a topknot as you shower since you had washed it earlier that morning, so your shower is over within ten minutes. Then by the time you're dried off and dressed in fresh clothes, and your teeth are brushed, you exit the bathroom.

Stepping into your room, you startle at the sight of Spencer sitting on the small cushioned bench at the foot of your bed. He's staring up at the moving playing, the corner of his lips quirked up in amusement. But at your small gasp, he looks towards you, lips spreading into a fond smile.

"Captain Rogers said it was okay that I wait for you. I don't mean to intrude."

"Spence," you huff a laugh and then continue on towards your bed, "we have keys to each other's apartments and sometimes barge in without warning. I think you waiting in here is more than okay."

"Just needed to make sure," he says, "what with this being a new place and all."

"Mhmm." You sit on the edge of the bed that's right behind the bench, putting your feet on the cushion beside Spencer and practically hug your knees as you stare at him. "How did everyone settle in?"

"E-Everyone's good." Spencer turns sideways, grinning up at you. "We got our own rooms here so we don't have to be back and forth from a hotel. When we left, Garcia was being introduced to the holographic tables and now I don't think she's going to sleep tonight."

You chuckle. "I knew she'd fall prey to all the pretty tech here." He chuckles along with you. "And how did everyone take the news to hearing the details about the case?"

"They're taking it very personally," Spencer tells you. "Mr. Barton even asked to stay on as a consultant. He and agent Romanoff are not very happy."

"Well they might not be as smart as you, Doc, but I think they're going to be a big help. You guys will be out of here in no time with the bad guy in cuffs."

"Is that so?" He muses. You grin and nod. "And if we're out of here in no time, are we still waiting until you go home for that discussion we still need to have?"

"We can table the discussion," you say, "but I really need to do this before I chicken out."

"Do what?"

Without thinking too much more about it, you reach out to cradle Spencer's jaw in the palms of your hands. You bring his face closer to yours, pausing with barely an inch between your lips. It seems he's held his breath in surprise, but when he notices you're waiting for some sort of unspoken permission it's him who closes the gap.

There's nothing heated or rushed about the kiss- it merely being a chaste kiss of several little pecks before he catches your bottom lip between his teeth. You smile, your lip popping free from where it stretches, and you giggle as he leans up to chase your lips.

"Ahem." The interruption causes you to jerk back from Spencer, eyes wide when you catch sight of Bucky leaning against your door jamb and looking quite smug. "Hope I'm not interrupting." You groan, laying your forehead on Spencer's shoulder while he quietly snorts. "So with this new development, does this mean our threesome will now be a foursome?"

You can't help but laugh and sit straight once more so you can see your friend. Unfortunately, the question actually gives you pause and there's a split second where you actually give it thought. But in the next moment your nose wrinkles and you shake your head. "What? No!"

He points at you, eyes gleaming. "You paused! You paused which means that no just turned into a maybe. I'm gonna go tell Stevie we're back in the game!"

"James!" Spencer finally laughs and you groan again when Bucky pushes off the door jamb, whistling as he walks away. "I hate my friends."

"Just wait until Morgan finds out. It'll be worse." Spencer chuckles as you sigh, and he gets up before walking around to the side of your bed. He places his palms down on the mattress, leaning over you to kiss you once more. "I'm gonna go to my room before Sergeant Barnes brings back reinforcements."

"Okay. I'll probably see you around the compound, but I'll do my best to stay out of your hair while you're looking for your unsub."

"Are we still talking after?"

"Of course. Well we can either talk or order in some Chinese and hole up in one of our apartments for a weekend. Your call."

"I like the second option," he says.

"I figured you would." You kiss him one last time and then push against his chest. "Now go. We'll figure things out soon."

[pinkcatharsis]

I dunno if I should legit continue this because I can’t remember where I was going with it. Read a prompt at @sloaners anon or a comment in one of their posts (fantastic art btw go check it out!) about Tsunade adopting a bb Tenzou and well. I wrote this and it’s unfinished and yeah.

I actually don’t even have a title for it. Was supposed to be an eventual YamaIru, too. Oh well!

—

Names have power, they say.

Tenzou can agree to a certain point because his experience from his missions, his targets, countless reconnaissance on high profile politicians has proven that people tend to cower from the syllables of a name if they are a threat.

Names carry prestige more than an identity.Names give history, are the pillars for legacy provided it is a name the people can accept. More often than not, it is a vessel for fear, control

They’re also a convenient excuse for people to either sing with high praise or forget because the truth is always a pill too hard to swallow.

Sometimes it lies ignored despite its great sacrifice to stop a rampaging monster, when the womb still bleeds fresh and a goodbye too soon falls from crimson lips. It is ignored because it is easier to hate someone helpless than to acknowledge a name that saved everyone.

Sometimes it is indifferent, distant, as cold as the unreadable, white irises of its clansmen.

Sometimes it lies abandoned, walls cracking, dust collecting over blood stained tatami mats where the weight of shame fueled enough strength to slice through flesh. Shame because of a choice to save one’s comrades as opposed to prioritising the mission.

Sometimes it is soaking in blood, whispers of its massacre echoing loud, and towards the end of it, the word traitor.

And sometimes, they’re just old, only remembered through history that is a core subject within the Academy walls, a prerequisite in terms of knowledge for every Konoha shinobi. They’re faded, scattered, heirless, visually only present through the carvings of stone that towers over the village.

Tenzou is conditioned to not pay any heed to something as trivial as a name. Not when he’s been conditioned, trained extremely well, that the only thing that matters is servitude to the village. That the name Konoha is the only thing of true value.

Greater people have sacrificed themselves for the good of village and now, their heir wanders Konoha’s walls shunned, sneered, hated, ignored. Their names hardly mattered in the present -- it’s like the Yellow Flash only exists as a tier to be achieved in terms of talent, hard work and mission success and nothing else. As if the man behind the legacy hardly existed.

Legacy means nothing, Tenzou realizes, in the grand scheme of things.

When you die, you just die.

It’s okay to die nameless.

*

Tenzou hears about Tsunade’s arrival tucked behind the cover of an open locker door. Apparently, Tsunade-hime is in the village for a visit. And like always, she has spent her first day sitting with her former sensei, having tea until she had flung the table across the room, out the window in a fit of uncontrolled, roiling rage.

“I think it’s because sandaime is asking her to stay,” one fellow ANBU says.

“No, it’s got something to do with her gambling debt for sure,” another says.

“Monkey says it has something to do with the council pressuring her to produce an heir,” a softer voice says.

“I thought she couldn’t?”

“Or she doesn’t want to?”

The conversation explodes, only coming to a sudden stop when the sound of a door opening puts a halt on the outright gossip that Tenzou shamefully has been eavesdropping on. Someone dares throw a table out the window in front of the Hokage? And the Hokage does nothing? Tenzou thinks back to Danzou an Root -- if any of them dared show such insubordination, that would mean at least half a day’s worth of lashings under the scorching sun and then dry fasting isolation for thirty-six hours. Not many tend to survive that but that would just mean they’re too weak to remain in Root, anyway.

“Don’t you guys have better things to do?” Kakashi’s voice cuts through with a drawl. It is followed by a series of locker doors shutting, rapid shuffling and then silence. “Oi, Tenzou. The Hokage needs you.”

Tenzou straightens, tugging his clean armor on and running a comb through his damp hair. He slams his locker shut and gives his senpai a wordless nod, acknowledging the summon.

*

A summon that suddenly renders him not so nameless anymore.

Tsunade is a towering figure, heals almost five inches high, back straight, eyebrows narrowed, hands on her hip and staring down at him like he’s a two year old.

“How old are you?”

“Fourteen,” Tenzou responds, keeping perfectly still. He isn’t intimidated by Tsunade’s persona. He’s just feeling a little too awkward because if Tsunade leaned any closer to examine him, her breasts would be ten centimeters too close to his face to be called professional, let alone proper.

“You are awfully small for a fourteen year old,” Tsunade tartly says, almost disappointed.

“I am a hundred and twenty nine and a half centimeters,” Tenzou agrees, well aware of how stunted his growth is. Danzou always factored his slow growth to the radiation and chemical exposure, a side effect to the experimentation Tenzou miraculously survived. But small doesn’t mean weak, Danzou had said, one of the few times he had been encouraging.

“Do you even eat, boy?” Tsunade scoffs.

“Yes. Five meals a day when I am in the village, continuously supplemented by calorically dense ration bars that Danzou-sama advised to--”

“Hah! Which one -- the one that tastes like sweet wet newspaper or the one that tastes like mouldy bread?” Tsunade snorts.

Tenzou finds himself stammering a little, glancing a little cluelessly at the Sandaime who is taking a very, very long drag from his pipe. Tenzou’s mouth quickly clamps shut before he can voice out his confusion. He can’t honestly say he knows what mouldy bread tastes like nor can he say he’s actually tried eating wet newspaper, let alone a sweetened one. So he goes with what he thinks is the correct response to this kind of inquiry. “The N-4150?”

“Sweet, wet newspaper. At least that old fart chose the better formula.” Tsunade rolls her eyes before taking - thank heavens - a proper step back.

Tenzou blinks once, altering between Tsunade now very put-upon expression and the Sandaime who is standing there as if he were part of the book shelf. “Hokage-sama, should I not continue consuming the N-4150?”

Sandaime rumbles an amused noise, blowing out a slow stream of tobacco smoke before he stands, rounding the table. “Why don’t you demonstrate your Mokuton skills for Tsunade, Tenzou? After all, that is the reason you were summoned here.”

It gets another eyeroll, with a bit of a scoff from Tsunade, who crosses her arms under her breasts.

“Yes, Hokage-sama,” Tenzou acknowledges.

He puts his hands together, channels just enough chakra and forms a small pot in his hands, slowly filling it with roots coiling until it sprouts green leaves, topped with large, black centered white poppies.

“Oh, white poppies,” Sandaime smiles, his face wrinkling. “An interesting choice. You see, Tsunade, Tenzou here has been studying botany for a year now. He’s a bit of an artist with his gardening. Tenzou, didn’t you recently start studying architecture as well?”

“I have only started reading some reference books three months ago, Hokage-sama,” Tenzou responds, with a bit of a nod, as his fingers tightens a little bit around the pot in his hands, not quite sure what to do with his creation-demonstration.

“Hmmm,” Sandaime hums, a touch bemused before he brings his pipe back up to his lips. “Reminds you of someone, doesn’t it, Tsunade?”

Tenzou looks at Tsunade, who in a space of a heartbeat looks far too young in a show of vulnerability, as her throat bobs when he swallows. It gets washed away when he clicks her tongue and turns to look at Tenzou, giving him a once over.

“Well, no one fucks with grandfather’s DNA, gets away with it and then keep it from me. Had it been anyone else but Danzou, Root of all places, I wouldn’t take issue! When did you discover your Mokuton skills, boy?”

“A year before I graduated from the Academy.” Tenzou swallows. “I was five years old.”

“Nine years! With that creep!” Tsuande shouts.

Sandaime’s tobacco inhale had to be the longest one Tenzou has ever seen.

Sandaime exhales, responding with a sigh, “Better late than never, hmm?”

“Fine.” Tsaunde grouches. “I’ll do it. Tenzou, you can call me okaa-san when you’re ready.”

The pot drops from Tenzou’s hands.

“Eh?”

Tenzou thinks it's a good response. Given the proverbial punch to the face he’s just received.

*

It’s not that Tenzou wants to say he cares much for the idea of family.

It’s more like he doesn’t quite know what to do with it.

(What does family even mean?)

So Tenzou, much like every other time he gets moved around like he’s no more than a potted plant, agrees.

Not like it really matters, right?

He thinks of it as just having another sort of… superior?

*

A superior that Tenzou apparently now gets to live with after all of those paperwork.

In a large, inherited estate, closed off, covered in wildly growing flora and fauna. The estate does not look like it’s been lived in for decades. There is damage from the growth of vines, some of it poking through the tatami doors, and getting to the interior of the house. There are a few soda cans littered around the gate, some old, some new. Likely the result of dares from the younger crowd of Konoha.

The once heralded Senju estate that Hashirama and Tobirama and their families once resided in is now nothing more than a shadow of its former glory. Uncared for. Outdated. Obsolete.

“Well,” Tsunade huffs. “I haven’t seen this place in, hmm, ten years maybe? Maybe twelve? Tche, what a dump.”

Tsunade toes an old, faded orange soda can by her heel, kicking it further away.

Tenzou wishes he’s no more than a spore in the ground. Should he say something? He may be a Senju by name and by experimental DNA, but that doesn’t really make him a Senju-Senju.

It���s just circumstances.

“Well? What do you think, kid? You like the house?” Tsunade holds her hand out at the once upon a time regal grounds, now overgrown with weeds and littered with random junk.

Tenzou looks at the estate again and decides to go with the most diplomatically acceptable response there is in this case.

“It’s a lot bigger than my apartment,” Tenzou politely responds, as his eyes stray towards the patch of wildly growing rosary pea and oleander growing by the gate.

Tsunade’s booming laughter echoes throughout the entire compound, bemused and real. She doubles over, slapping a hand on her knee, her laugh tapering off to a bit of a wheeze. It almost sounds nervous. A little hysterical even.

Tenzou tilts his head to the side, staring up at this woman, this new mother of his, a legendary sannin, one of the most if not the best, medic there is in the country.

Would it be rude to ask her if she is okay?

“Kid,” Tsunade snorts, shaking her head, reaching out to ruffle Tenzou’s long hair. “I like your sense of humor. You and I are going to get along just fine.”

*

Tsunade asks to see his apartment.

And then proceeds to wear what Tenzou can only assume is her analytical face. It’s peppered with a little judgment, too.

Tenzou’s current apartment is a shoebox in size, with enough space for a single bed, a small sectioned off wall by the door turned to a makeshift kitchen and a connecting bathroom that Tsunade, no doubt, will have to carefully manage her long limbs.

“You like it here?” Tsunade asks, her lips twisting at the sight of the old hotplate on the tiny kitchen counter.

“It serves its purpose.” Tenzou shrugs.

“That wasn’t my question,” Tsaunde prompts, turning that analytical gaze back to Tenzou.

Tenzou frowns, resisting the urge to reach up and rub the back of his head in partial confusion, partial irritation. It’s a comfortable space -- what is she on about? Having an opinion on something as trivial as a living space serves no purpose in the betterment of Tenzou’s skills in the field. It has no correlation to his successful mission counts. Liking something or anything for that matter doesn’t make missions easier or harder, either.

Unsure of how to respond, Tenzou resorts to Danzou’s advice when it comes to undercover. If you’re caught in a tight spot, the easiest thing to slip out of attention is to either blend with your surroundings or mirror the person in front of you.

Tenzou goes for the mirror, sloping his eyebrows down the same way Tsunade is, relaxing his shoulder to what looks like a wary slump, canting his head just the tiniest bit to the side, and responds with what he hopes is a conclusion to this conversation, “It’s all right.”

Tsunade goes quiet for a while, before she sighs slowly and curses under her breath.

“Let’s try this again,” Tsunade sighs, gesticulating with her hand towards the entirety of the small apartment. “What do you think would make this space better suited for you? Take into consideration that you are also currently studying botany and architecture.”

Tenzou looks at the small stack of reference books he had borrowed from the public library, how he has to do most of his reading on the bed. If he had to sketch on drawing paper, he usually does so on the ceiling given the lack of floor space and a full flat wall that isn’t lined with bulging pipes or the sil of the window, with the paper taped on the corners. Makes it easier for him to get on his knees and practice his pencil sketches.

“Then that’s something you should consider when you fix our house, hmm?”

Oh. So he’s fixing it.

Well.

Okay, then.

—

And yeah that’s all I got. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[remywrites5]

14 Fluff with wolfstar? 😉 /casualmaraudering

           Remus Lupin was willing to admit that he was a little bit obsessed with Sirius Black. Sirius often came in to the Karaoke bar where Remus worked to sing better than most of the others that came in. He was mesmerizing to watch on stage no matter what he was singing. He tended to go for more of the 70’s punk rock but every once in a while he would switch it up with a little Panic! At the Disco, Hozier, Beyonce, and all sorts.

           The last time he had come in he had done a rendition of “Somebody to Love” by Queen and Remus hadn’t moved for the entire five minutes that Sirius was singing. He had straight up ignored other customers who had been wanting drinks because he couldn’t stop watching Sirius. His coworker Marlene had just shook her head at him and served the people Remus was ignoring, knowing better than to try and pry Remus’ attention away from Sirius.

           Remus’ crush had gotten even worse when he’d discovered Sirius had a youtube channel where he posted covers of songs. Sirius apparently played piano and guitar, switching it up between videos. Remus had drastically increased Sirius’ viewer count since Marlene had been nice enough to drop that tidbit of information to fuel Remus’ pathetic pining.

           It was fairly slow for a Saturday night and it was just after nine o’clock when Sirius came in with his friends Lily, James and Peter. They grabbed one of the tables towards the front and Sirius immediately began filling out a slip of paper with his song choice. After he dropped it off with the emcee, he walked over confidently to the bar and leaned his elbows on it casually. He had on tight black leather trousers and a Sex Pistols t-shirt that had been cut to be a crop top, hitting just above Sirius’ belly button. Remus knew getting through the night with Sirius wearing that was going to take every ounce of his perseverance.

           “What’s up, Marls?” Sirius said, nodding to her.

           “Hi Sirius,” Marlene said, grinning in response. “What are you serenading us with tonight?”

           “Thought I might do a little bit of Elton John,” Sirius said, sliding his fingers through his hair. “I’m feeling extra gay tonight.”

           Marlene laughed. “You’re feeling extra gay every night, Black,” she teased him. Remus stood off the side pretending he wasn’t listening in on their conversation.

           “Pot, kettle, black and all that,” Sirius said with a smirk. “Your better half here tonight or are you sparing Dorcas the pain of listening to yet another night of karaoke?”

           “She has to work early in the morning,” Marlene informed him with a shrug. Remus realized he’d been cleaning the same glass for way too long and quickly switched to a different one. He didn’t want it to be obvious that he was eavesdropping. “When are you going to get a better half?”

           “Excuse you, I’m clearly the better half, Marls,” Sirius joked, glancing over at Remus. “Hi there.”

           “Oh, um, hi,” Remus said, giving a little wave. “Did you want a drink?”

           Sirius flashed him a smile. “Gin and tonic, two lagers and a ginger ale,” he rattled it off from memory. “First round is on me.”

           “Ginger ale?” Marlene echoed.

           Sirius’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Yeah, Lily’s pregnant. She’s off the sauce for the next seven months.”

           “Oh my god!” Marlene said, jumping up and down excitedly. “I’m going to go congratulate her! Can you handle the bar for a moment, Remus?”

           “Of course.” Remus gave her a quick nod and Marlene rushed off to go find Lily. Remus got to work making Sirius’ drink order, trying not to be distracted by the man himself. He quickly uncapped the two lagers and placed them on the bar before starting on the gin and tonic. He glanced up and found Sirius watching him intently, his head cocked to the side as if evaluating Remus. Remus couldn’t help the blush he could feel creeping up his neck the longer Sirius stared. He was so distracted that he overfilled the cup with soda water, spilling it all over his hand and the bar. “Shit.”

           Sirius laughed. “Am I making you nervous?”

           “Only always,” Remus said without thinking. He immediately wished he could take it back.

           Sirius blinked a few times and then smiled. He dropped his chin into his hand and looked Remus up and down. “We’ve never really talked before, have we?”

           Remus swallowed thickly and shook his head. “Not really.”

           “Pity.”

           Remus dumped out the gin and tonic and started over with a new glass. His hands were shaking from the knowledge that Sirius was watching him. He was so completely fucked that it wasn’t even funny. “I’m so sorry this is taking so long,” Remus said, wiping his brow and hands with a dishtowel. He was going all clammy from nerves. “I’m not normally this bad at my job.”

           Sirius reached across the bar and put his hand over Remus’ wrist. “Relax, mate.”

           Remus looked at Sirius’ hand and then his eyes flickered up to meet Sirius’ gaze. “If you want me to relax you really shouldn’t be doing stuff like that,” he said, wondering where all the word vomit was coming from. For some reason he just couldn’t stop. It was like his brain had stalled and any filter he had between it and his mouth was completely offline.

           Sirius snorted and took his hand away. “It is unbelievably cute that I can make you this nervous. It’s like finding out you have a super power.”

           “Yeah, except you’re using your powers for evil.”

           Sirius barked out a laugh at that. “I don’t think anyone would consider making adorable bartenders blush evil, mate.”

           Remus made a face at him and managed to finish making Sirius’ drink. It took concentrating on someone singing Maroon 5 badly to accomplish it.  He finished off by making the glass of ginger ale. He let out a shaky breath as he slid them across the bar towards Sirius. “That’ll be sixteen pounds fifty,” Remus told him, feeling slightly less anxiety-ridden now that he’d finished Sirius’ drink order.

           Sirius got out his wallet from his back pocket and gave Remus twenty pounds. “Keep the change.”

           “Do you need help carrying the drinks to your table?” Remus asked.

           “Nah, I got it,” Sirius said, putting the two bottles of beer in the crook of his elbow and gripping the other two glasses between his long, slender fingers with sparkly silver nail polish. “Thanks Remus.”

           “You’re welcome.”

                                                           ***

           Remus was outside smoking on his break, needing to take a breather and get away from the constant singing. The worst part of being a bartender was the later it got the more annoying and more drunk people got. Remus just hoped to get through the night without having to clean up someone’s vomit.

           The back door opened and Sirius stepped out with his hands in the pockets of his ridiculously tight trousers. “Here you are!” he said brightly, walking over to Remus.

           Remus took a long inhale of his fag and tried to think of something to say in response. He was slightly thrown off guard that Sirius had apparently come looking for him. “Hello again,” he finally settled on, blowing the smoke out slowly, careful not to aim it right at Sirius’ face.

           “So what did you think of my performance?”

           “You put Sir Elton to shame,” Remus said with a shy smile.

           “Thanks,” Sirius said, chewing on his bottom lip. Remus watched him as he continued to smoke, thankful that the nicotine was helping to calm his nerves. “You don’t sing?”

           “Oh god no,” Remus scoffed, shaking his head. “I’d rather put this cigarette out in my eyeball.”

           Sirius took a step closer to Remus. “Well we can’t have that. Not that I don’t think you could pull off an eyepatch.”

           Remus chuckled. “Thanks…I think?”

           “Give me your phone.”

            “What for?”

           “I wanna give you my number,” Sirius said, holding out his hand expectantly. Remus grabbed his phone out of his pocket and handed it over without thinking. Sirius pressed the home button and the screen lit up to reveal his own face. He glanced up at Remus, his eyes wide with surprise. “Am I your lock screen?”

           Remus’ face went bright red in embarrassment. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

           Sirius looked back down at the screen. “This is from one of my videos, isn’t it?”

           Remus nodded, taking another drag off his cigarette and letting it out shakily. He couldn’t believe he had done something so completely mortifying. Sirius was certain to think he was some kind of obsessed stalker. He couldn’t even say that Sirius would be wrong for feeling that way. In the video there had been a moment where Sirius had been singing while playing piano, his head bowed so his long hair hung in his face. You could see his reflection in the shiny black top of the piano. It would have been an aesthetically pleasing photo even if the subject didn’t enamor Remus.

           “The one where you did a cover of Le Vie En Rose,” Remus confirmed, dropping the end of his cigarette to prepare to run away if need be. “It’s my favorite.”

           Sirius passed the phone back and Remus felt his heart sank. That was it, he had officially blown it and Sirius didn’t want his number anymore. He took his phone back and tried to ignore that painful twisting in his stomach. “The passcode,” Sirius said with a small smile. “You have to put the passcode in.”

           “Oh,” Remus said, blinking in surprise. “I thought maybe you were having second thoughts.” He quickly typed in his passcode and handed the phone back to Sirius.

           “Well I mean I would expect my boyfriend to be my number one stan, so it seems like you’re already there,” Sirius teased, his thumbs flying over the screen as he added his contact information in.

           “I promise I’m not weird,” Remus said quickly. “I just really liked that picture of you and it’s basically art and no one would think I wanted to fuck the statue of David if that was my lock screen and…” Remus trailed off for a moment, something Sirius had said finally sinking in. “Did you say boyfriend?”

           Sirius laughed and held the phone out for Remus. “Trust me, Marls would have warned me if you were weird, and wouldn’t have encouraged me to come talk to you.”

           Remus rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “You’re not just doing this because Marlene talked you into it, are you?”

           “Definitely not,” Sirius said, grabbing the front of Remus’ shirt and tugging him forward slightly. Remus stumbled over his own feet but closed the gap between them. “I’ve been meaning to chat you up for ages, actually. My best mate James and I had an agreement that if he could get his wife pregnant then I would talk to you.”

           Remus huffed in amusement. “You said Lily was already two months pregnant,” he reminded Sirius.

           Sirius’ eyes lit up mischievously. “Oh so you were listening in,” he said, biting his bottom lip. “I thought so. And they only announced the pregnancy two weeks ago. Besides, I didn’t promise I’d be timely about chatting you up.”

           “Will you sing something for me?” Remus asked, reaching out and cupping Sirius’ face in his hand, letting his thumb brush over his high cheekbones.

           “What are you Ursula the sea witch?” Sirius joked, tilting his face and biting Remus’ thumb playfully. “Go on and kiss the – “ Sirius began to sing but was cut off by Remus capturing his lips. As much as he wanted to hear Sirius sing some Disney classics, he was much more interested in kissing him senseless. He splayed his hand over the small of Sirius’ back, touching his warm skin and holding Sirius flush against him as the kiss deepened. Sirius brought his hands up and gripped Remus’ biceps as he sucked Remus’ tongue into his mouth.

           “So…” Remus said, breaking the kiss after a few moments of intense snogging. “You said boyfriend? “

           “Yeah.” Sirius smiled, looking slightly dazed as he held onto Remus. Remus took it as a point of pride. “I believe I did.”

[creativeskullcreations]

Chapter 10: A Real Guilty Feeling

Hey everybody, here's chapter 10! But, unfortunately, it'll be the last chapter you see for a while. I need to take a break from writing for a while, do something else and recharge a bit. Maybe also knock out some drawings too while I'm at it.

Current timeline is looking like this: Couple of weeks without writing, and then maybe build up a bit of a buffer of chapters for <i>Outside</i>. But first, I'll be working on episode 2 of <i>Happy Times at Handeemen HQ</i>. Y'all are starting to show an interest in that, and I wanna put something new out for it.

If you want to keep updated, or even just see what I'm drawing, you can follow my art Tumblr here. Also check out my YouTube, in case of livestreams or speedpaints!(Am I plugging my own stuff too much?)

Whenever I'm ready to start posting again, I'll make sure to leave an announcement on here.

I'll see y'all later.

When Will got home, he dumped Stacy's stuff and scout on the couch. He then pointed out his locked workroom, and told her that she was never to go in there no matter what. That done, he left her to her own devices, and went off to bed. He took off his shirt and jeans, then crawled under the sheets. The last thing he did before passing out was shoot off a message to the group chat about how DnD Night was canceled until further notice.

When he woke up, far too few hours later, it was to a light weight on his chest. He stared at Scout for a moment, then picked her up and dropped her on the floor, rolling onto his front. He grabbed his phone, squinting at the too bright screen. Several messages were in the chat, and he sighed as he opened it up and scrolled to the top.

Masonary: um, excuse me?! i asked for that day off u can't cancel!!! somebody better be dead! D:<

Blooming_Stitches: Mason, shut up. We don't know what could be going on.

drWEED420: ugh, stacy. I told you to call me.

Masonary: y would stacy need to call u sam?

Masonary: is it because she hacked ur account and changed ur name again?

 drWEED420 has changed their name to DrSamIAm

DrSamIAm: no but it is something we'll going to talk abaout.

Will_and_a_Way: Stace is in the hospital for infected surgery stitches

Blooming_Stitches: I'M SORRY WHAT

Masonry: dude i was joking about som1 being dead

DrSamIAm: goddamit stacy

 DrSamIAm has left the chat We're ALL Idiots Here

Masonry: ok first of all what happened to stacy

Masonry: second who changed the chat name again?

Blooming_Stitches: lol

Will sighed, the went into his phone and pulled up his drop box, where he'd sneaked the file into a while ago. He hesitated briefly, then sent it to the chat. Stacy could be mad at him later, but he was too tired to think up a cover story for her right now.

 Will_and_a_Way posted a file in We're ALL Idiots Here

Masonry: ?

Blooming_Stitches: !

Will_and_a_Way: read that if you guys want to know what happned.

Will_and_a_Way: I'm going back to sleep now try not to kill each other

He clicked his phone off, dropping it to his mattress and letting his head fall on his pillow. Within seconds he was back asleep, completely oblivious to Scout Jumping back on his bed and climbing onto his back. She curled around the small Kirby toy, using it as a pillow as she settled back into sleep herself.

()()()

When Will woke up again, it was to a light weight in the center of his back, right below his shoulder blades. He huffed, glaring at the wall. He took a deep breath, then heaved himself up with all his strength. As predicted, Scout was catapulted off, and he quickly got out of bed, heading to the kitchen.

He made himself some toast, checking his phone on the way. The group chat was mostly just full of the various reactions from Lisa and Mason. Sammy had come back at some point, going on a rant about what Stacy hadn't told him.

He read over the various comments as he  ate, able to tell where they were in the document. Unsurprisingly, Mason finished it first, and Lisa was intent on meeting Scout. Sammy had told her Scout was nothing special, which Will privately agreed with. He finished the back reading and, seeing as nobody was online at the moment, locked his phone again. He picked up his toast and moved into his work room for the time being, deciding to get something done.

It was easy, really, for Will to get lost in his work. Dissecting the "toys" he brought home, taking them apart and recording it in his notes. He was currently working on the body of the head he'd been looking at last night. The brown, fuzzy thing was strapped securely onto the table, the front having been sawed apart and spread open.

He shifted through the innards, making careful, detailed notes about what was in there. He would compare them to the stolen blueprints later, figure out what was supposed to be in there and what wasn't. For now, though, the intention was to make a catalogue of parts.

When his phone alarm finally went off, signalling it was lunch time, he straightened up with a sigh. He pulled off his rubber gloves and, making sure the straps on the table were tight, went out to the kitchen. He made himself a simple sandwich, eating it in the kitchen as he glanced through the group chat. Mason and Lisa were on and currently discussing things, but Sam hadn't been on again since his rant.

He lurked a bit longer after he finished his sandwich, then got up to go back to work. On the way through the living room, he paused when he saw Scout sitting on the couch. She was curled up in the corner, Kirby plush on her lap as she stared at it. Even as a Puppet, he recognized the look on her face as one Stacy had often worn in the first year after her mother had died.

'Why the hell do I feel so bad for that thing?' He sighed, rubbing at his face. Making a snap decision, he went over to his DVD shelf and pulled out The Iron Giant.  He turned on the TV and player, then loaded in the movie, skipping the previews. When he reached the main menu, he selected play and dropped the remote near Scout. He then left, heading back towards the basement and his work.

Scout watched go, staring silently after him as he once again disappeared behind the locked door. She didn't even try to follow him, instead settling in to watch the show he'd turned on. With any luck, it would be violent and/or funny enough to take her mind off of things.

()()()

'That is the saddest shit I have ever seen...' She sniffed, rubbing at her frustratingly dry eyes. 'I can't believe he let himself get blown up like that. What the fuck.' She rubbed at her eyes some more, then tried to figure out how to choose a different show. When she couldn't figure it out, she threw the remote down in frustration. 'Fuck it! Where's Will?'

She Jumped from the couch, heading over to the locked door. She peered in the crack between the door and the floor, but couldn't see anything. She could hear, however, and what she heard were power tools. The sound sent a shock through her system, dredging up unwanted memories of Riley's lab. She drew back, then jumped onto a nearby table when the noise stopped. Thinking quickly, she opened the drawer that was there and tried to pretend that she had been going through it.

Will came out of the room a minute later, wiping his hands with a dirty towel. He glared when he saw what she was "doing". "What the hell are you doing? Get out of there!" It wasn't quite yelling, but his voice was definitely louder than it needed to be. Scout suppressed her fear and scoffed.

"Fine. There wasn't anything but batteries in there anyways." She slammed the drawer closed, feeling a small, petty joy in how the contents rattled around when she did. She watched him cross to his bedroom and, when he'd closed his door, opened the drawer back up in order to snoop for real.

Batteries, keys, some weird plastic clips, and other odds and ends she didn't have words for had been organized neatly in the drawer. Working quickly, she shuffled everything around even more, then shoved a handful of what was sitting on the table into the drawer. She then closed it again and sat back as innocently as she could, tilting the shade of the lamp next to her. When Will came back out, now dressed in different clothes, he sighed and fixed the shade.

She watched as he gathered up a couple of things, then came over and grabbed up a set of keys she hadn't dumped into the drawer. There was a pause, or maybe more of a hesitation, and then he scooped her up and left the house, ignoring her protests.

"Hey! Hey lemme go! H-mmph?!" He easily covered her mouth with one hand as he locked the door. He made his way to his car, not letting her go into he'd climbed in and dumped her in the passenger seat. "What was that for?!"

"Okay, here's the deal." He told her, ignoring the question. "We're going to go see Stacy. To do that, we have to go through a whole hospital full of people. And you will be quiet and good the whole time, or you will be going out the nearest window."

"We're going to go see Stacy..." That was the one thing she had really comprehended. Her Host was alive, Scout knew she had to be. If she wasn't, then the Puppet wouldn't have long to-

It didn't matter. She didn't matter, not after what almost happened. Not after what she almost did, accidentally or not.

She was jolted out of her thoughts as Will started the car, realizing belatedly that he'd continued talking to her. She hoped he hadn't noticed she wasn't paying attention. Whatever he'd been doing behind that door, she did not want to become his next patient.

In the silence of the car ride, Scout easily lost herself in the thoughts swirling through her head. The most prominent were thoughts of guilt, knowing she was to blame for this and wondering where she had gone wrong. Maybe she hadn't tried as hard as she should've to subjugate her Host back in the Studio? Or maybe she shouldn't have stayed with her after they escaped. Maybe she should have left after making sure Stacy was okay.

'Maybe I should leave anyways.'

She missed it when Will parked, only noticing when he picked her up. She let herself stay limp, though not so much out of compliance than a desire to try and keep working on the plan that had come to mind.

Vaguely, she was aware of the clean white halls Will was taking her through, as well as a nauseating smell that reminded her of Riley. A few other unclaimed Hosts like Will, though wearing clothing that, again, reminded Scout of Riley. She watched  those ones carefully, just in case. She may not like Will, but Stacy did and she didn't want something to happen to him.

Will came up to a door, opening it and peeking inside. Scout tried to look, but could only see the very end of a weird looking bed. Whatever he saw he seemed to like, as he fully entered the room, kicking the door closed behind him and approaching the bed.

"Hey Stacy." He began quietly, and Scout felt her stuffing go cold at the sight of her Host in the bed. Her normally warm brown skin was several shades paler, and there were dark circles under her eyes. She was mostly upright, though leaning heavily against the pillows behind her. The scariest thing, though, were the several tubes connecting her to various machines by the bed.

Scout felt another cold rush of guilt when she saw how Stacy's eyes lit up when she spotted them. She waited for her to say something, anything, but the Host didn't speak, instead lifting her hands to use that weird hand language.

"She can't talk right now." Will translated. "She had to be intubated and her throat still hurts. But, for some reason, she's happy to see you." He sounded annoyed by that, and Scout couldn't help but be confused. Surely Stacy knew about what she did.

'Unless she doesn't.' The Puppet realized. 'She doesn't know shit about how it works. She had no idea what I almost did to her.' Somehow, that didn't make it any better.

Against her will, she was handed over to Stacy so Will could go set down the bags. Stacy hugged her tight, and Scout couldn't help but curl up in her hold, clutching at the weird shirt she was wearing.

She ignored the humans as they talked, or rather as Will talked and Stacy did one handed signing. Instead she stared at the tubing connected to Stacy's arm, watching the clear liquid slowly drip it's way into her body. She didn't know how long she stared for, but she must've dozed off at one point because she suddenly became aware of her hair being stroked.

It couldn't have been too long, as the room was still bright, though she couldn't hear Will anymore. Instead there was a quiet, steady beeping that matched up with Stacy's heartbeat. It was relaxing, and brought up memories of when Scout had first woken up, all those years ago. Before she'd been made to take part in Riley's "tests", or found that TV. Even before she'd met her siblings and learned who and what she really was. Those first few moments when it had just been her and Daisy, enjoying the gift of life.

She almost wished she could go back to that point. Things were so much better back then, when her world consisted of Daisy's sewing room and her siblings. When she didn't have a Host to worry about accidentally killing, or her own people coming after her.

But she wouldn't have to worry about that for long. If her plan ended up working, Stacy wouldn't be in danger ever again.

[camomills]

Title: Old Souls Relationships: Sinon/Lisbeth; Sinon & Agil Fandom: Sword Art Online Word Count: 1767 Summary: Sinon realizes she is allowing others to become closer to her, and that scares her. A conversation with an older friend might help assuage her fears. Notes: Made for SAO Pride Week 2020 - Day 1: Small Steps. This is a reworked draft from last year's SAO Pride Week that I turned into some Sinon/Lisbeth, mostly Sinon-centric. I also just really wanted to do something with Agil because I think he's a fun character, and I personally think his wise demeanor makes him a nice character to bounce off the younger cast.Thanks to redbluezero for beta reading!

AO3 Link

-

The smell of coffee has always been one of Shino’s favorites. It reminds her of rainy days spent in the company of a book in her favorite bookshop, staring mindlessly at the steam as she waited until her drink cooled. It’s no wonder Dicey Café became one of her dearest places.

“Here’s your order!”

The company might have something to do with it, too.

“This one’s on the house,” Rika declares as she sets the cup on the counter, then winks.

From behind her, she hears someone clear their throat.

She slowly turns to meet Agil’s gaze, and sure enough, he’s scowling at her. The grip on the glass he’s drying has turned vice-like.

“That one’s on your salary.”

“Agil, c’mon! Let me be cool!”

They bicker for a short minute, Rika being cheeky whereas Agil is composed. The tone of the discussion is more akin to foolish banter between friends than a squabble between a boss and his employee, so Shino allows herself to laugh at it. 

Rika’s shift soon ends and she heads to the ladies’ room to change. As per usual these days, Shino waits for her so they can keep company to one another on the train ride back home. 

*

Yesterday’s commute was much like any other.

The train car shook and rattled against the steel and gravel tracks as the whirls of metal and the passengers’ chatter filled the compartment. The two girls partook in idle chatter, holding onto the same metal pole to keep their balance inside the box car. Shino’s proximity to Rika allowed the girl to filter the blacksmith’s words through the fog of sound.

Shino’s hands scraped against Rika’s on each stop. 

“So, so,” Rika continued telling excitedly, “he destroyed the best sword in my shop! My masterpiece, turned to smithereens.”

Shino let out a horrified gasp in jest.

“Oh, my. I lost my dear Hecate’s scope trying to help him out in BoB. I wonder if we’re liable for some sort of compensation?”

The two nodded in tandem over their two-person class-action lawsuit plans. They broke the comical act when the train stopped at the next station a bit too roughly, bumping them into each other. They couldn’t contain their chuckles at their own silliness.

“Ah, next one’s my stop,” Rika announced.

Shino knew. They’d been sharing this commute for a while. 

“I’ll be seeing you then. Until next time, Rika.”

Shino expected Rika to leave as the train doors opened, but she approached Shino instead. Rika’s arms bundled around Shino’s frame.

It’s a moment that allowed Shino to take note of a small list of Rika Things. Rika is only taller than her by a few inches, but it’s enough that it allowed her chin to rest on Rika’s shoulder slightly. The fake fur on Rika’s coat bristled against Shino’s nose, gentle and irritating— much like Rika herself, she thought. The pressure at the shorter girl’s back where Rika’s slender fingers intertwined was rough, yet fond.

A wave of warmth radiated through Shino’s body. She weakly squeezed Rika back.

“Until next time!” Rika said as she uncoiled her arms from around the other girl. 

She beamed at Shino before hopping through the train doors, waving as she exited at the station. 

That was the first time Rika had ever hugged her. 

Shino’s body wanted to feel elated, but her brain didn’t allow it; the affection in Rika’s gesture got muddled in her spiral of guilty thoughts. Since when did she allow people to get so close? 

Since when did I let myself want that?

The rest of her commute was spent staring out the cart’s window, hoping that the train’s AC would manage to cool down her emotions before long.

**

As the bathroom door slams shut, Agil rests his arms on the counter and leans against it, a hand sitting upon his bald head.

“Can you believe her? I offered her this part-time job because I knew it’d help her with college, but...” He throws his hands out, his fondness for Lis peeking through a smile fighting his scowl. “You know?”

Mm-hmm, Shino nods empathically, as she’s wont to do with Agil. The company that lures her in here, of course, includes both of the bartenders.

She had grown to care for all of her new friends, but she was caught by surprise at how much she related to Agil, of all people. He is the oldest in their merry band of players, by far, and despite that– no, because of that, they got along.

People her age, throughout most of her experience, were uncaring at best and cruel at worst. The adults around her, dry as they could be, served as the closest to good company she had growing up. There’s a bitter taste in her mouth as Shino realizes she’s grown more proficient in talking to adults due to the past cruelty of all the people her age in her life up until very recently. Thankfully, it’s easy enough to wash it down with the sweetness of the cappuccino Rika had mischievously handed her.

Agil, on the other hand, appreciates having a regular other than Asuna with whom he could default to intellectual conversation and wouldn’t call his establishment, ‘a dump’. How did Kirito manage to rope even Silica into it?

As their conversation strays away from Lisbeth’s demeanor, they fall to their more usual topics: Shino asks about how he manages to do latte art so perfectly every time and he asks if she finally reached the fourth chapter of the book he lent to her a couple of days ago. One “final” plea for him to try out Gun Gale, and his unacceptable excuse that he doesn’t have the time.

Mundane topics like that are their speed, but for once,  Shino has something less mundane in her mind. There’s something in that space, with the gentle ambiance music and the calming presence of a wiser friend, that brings her to feel that Agil is the right person, at that time, for those thoughts.

“I think I like Lis,” she professes like a secret she wished wasn’t true. It doesn’t seem to be the meat of what she has to say, judging from the way her jaw clenches.

Agil simply hums. He’d rather talk about latte art.

“Yeah, I figured. I mean, you really started coming here more often once she started working here.” 

He laughs, a wry, good-natured sound, hard to define between his fondness for the girls and his apathy for the topic.

“I mean… yes. But that’s not the point. How do I…”

 Shino gulps. Her gaze turns to the counter in front of her, where her hands lie. She fiddles with her fingers, watching as her thumbs graze each other through their rotations; staring at them without thinking about the words she’s about to say, are the only way she manages to go through it.

“I guess…  I don’t know if I remember how to be around people. Or if it’s... right, for me to be around people?”

She remembers what those hands did; the cold of steel and the heat of gunfire, the maroon of splattered blood and the gray of post office tiles.

Is it okay for a broken person like me…?

Agil would be lying if he said he’s particularly interested in involving himself in the romantic squabbles of teenagers. The other aspect of her plea, though, is something he’s unfortunately familiar with. He ponders, his face a mix of sagely and worried, as the soft thudding of her trembling hands are barely drowned out by the bar’s blues music.

“I was worried, too, back when I had to come back to my life after SAO.”

Shino raises her gaze to Agil’s eyes. 

“I mean, it's not the same thing, but… it’s hard being around people who judge you for what you went through, and trying to make connections when everyone thinks you’re screwed in the head is a pain in the ass. ‘The game where those freaks killed each other.’ ‘The murderer girl’.”

Agil knows what Shino did. Shino told all of them, eventually. 

“But everyone who spent those two years in the flying castle went through a lot of things they shouldn't have had to, and probably did some things they regret. To others. To themselves. I did, Kirito and Asuna did, and so did Rika. We talk about it…” 

His eyes turn to the ladies’ room’s door, where Rika is changing. He decides her past is not his to divulge.

“Uh. I guess all I’m trying to say is that you’re friends with people who get it, because none of us are sure it’ll ever be okay with people. So, we just stick together. I doubt Rika minds… whatever it is you're worried about? I think people like us have little besides each other.”

The last bit sticks with Shino. As she chews on the words once more, she stares at her hands. The weight they carry is impossibly heavy, but if what Agil says is true, then that means others, too, carry the same burden. 

Her trembling ceases.

He pauses. “Or something?” 

He’s not sure how much sense he is making. 

“I’m not sure how much sense I’m making.”

That gets a chuckle out of her, and that’s good enough for him.

*

Rika exits the bathroom, her former bartender-y, formal-ish ponytail from a few minutes ago undone into a mess of brown hair. Her lack of an apron reveals the cute hammer patterns on her graphic shirt.

"Are you two nerds done talking about nerd stuff?" She says, as if not just as much of one.

Agil and Shino roll their eyes.

"Yeah, we’re done with our nerd stuff."

Rika starts sliding her arm into her jacket, then turns to Shino. “Sweet. Are you ready to go then?”

Shino looks at Agil, who simply offers her a friendly wave and a knowing smile.

“Yeah, I think I’m ready.”

*

The two girls walk off together to the train station. The empty night streets give them quiet, with little to focus on other than the sound of boots hitting pavement, the cold breeze, and each other. It’s then when, bashful yet confident, Shino tries to interlock her fingers with Rika’s.

Rika squeezes her hand in return, rough yet fond. 

As Rika wordlessly taps her fingers on Shino’s knuckles, Shino realizes that Agil was right. There’s no way that those hands, fitting so perfectly together, were meant to be apart. Perhaps such heavy hands have no other pairs but each other, and that is fine.

[cupcakefoggy]

😉RULES: It’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought  into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want  (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works.

I was tagged by @vtforpedro​ (thank you!!!)

I’ve definitely had a lot of negative self-talk re: my own stuff this year (do not get into writing as a hobby if you self-compare...it’s just a recipe for problems lol) so. Took me a while to talk myself into actually doing this but here we go...

1. There’s A Place For Us 

This is my most recent completed multi-chapter Gradence fic. I’ll own here and now that it leans into a lot of tropes I probably make too much use of in my Gradence fics especially (Percy has recently been dumped or mistreated in some way, Credence is a sassbucket, weddings and/or proposals happen, they’re on vacation, etc.) But it was also one where I unapologetically drew from my own life, and used the fic to “exorcise” something that was kind of eating at me. My ex broke up with me in a very similar manner, for very similar reasons, as Newt dumps Percy in this fic, and it was lovely to see the outpouring of indignation on Percy’s behalf in the comment section. Felt like the people who read this were saying to me “you have every right to be upset,” and I can’t lie, it felt pretty damn good.

2. Under your spell again

Another Gradence, this time a oneshot, and my second-ever hypnokink piece. I love consensual hypnosis kink but for what I feel should be obvious reasons it took me a while to get brave enough to write it. I wrote an experimental one from Credence (the sub’s) POV for Kinktober, but this time I was a lot bolder with it and really drew out and leaned into the more Dom/sub elements of it, as well as included an induction scene (my actual weakness when it comes to hypnokink fic!!). It marked a turning point for me because it was the point where I realized that not only can I write heavy kink, but I can do it with *my* things that *I* like instead of just using the excuse of “oh it was a present fic” and that is...actually okay! Who knew? ;P

3. The Naked Truth

My first ever Riddlebird fic, and a present for someone who has now become a very good Fic Friend ^_^ I got a real kick out of coming up with crop top-related puns and thinking of all the ways that the Rogue Gallery would make fun of Oswald for dressing scandalously at a villain meeting, and even more of a kick out of imagining Colin Farrell the Pudgy Penguin in a crop top in the first place. ;) I’ve written other Riddlebird fics (and, unless I’m mistaken, apparently invented the Riddleflashpenguin tag) since then, but this one will always have a special place in my heart.

4. What if your hand was my hand

My first ABO, pairing The Lobster’s David with Perks of Being A Wallflower’s Patrick. I had a huge, *huge* issue with Alpha/Omega fic up to the point where I read a couple written by people I trusted...and while I still have yet to write the kind of messy ABO smut that those writers can pull off so well, I at least managed to write this little role-reversal one for Kinktober. Kinktober honestly was such a blast and I had so much fun with some of the prompts...but this was another one where I really Went For It and it felt really rewarding. (Also it gave me a real taste for David/Patrick, so that was a side bonus lol.)

5. Ghostly Presents

This Gradence fic started out as a fun little excuse to play with two tropes I love: “and they all went to Disneyland!” and “stoic-but-soft-hearted character cannot pull off a romantic gesture to save his life.” It was also my first crack at writing first person POV in a fic and gave me a new appreciation for my character’s emotions and motivations. But thanks to the encouragement of two lovely friends (who will be tagged in this post 😉) it has since become a series, which is my actual Baby and has given me the room to write things I never thought I could.

I do have a hard time with Comment Envy (don’t lie, we’ve all been there lol) and sometimes I end up thinking “ugh, no one’s reading this! *sob*” But looking over past fics to make this post was a blast, and I sincerely have to thank vtforpedro for tagging me because looking at my work over this year I was just like “wow...I actually wrote a lot and Did My Best and I should be proud of that, dammit.” ^_^

I’m tagging @black-eyed-creature and @indigo-apex because they’re awesome, and if you follow me and see this and want to do it, feel free! <3

[violetsystems]

#personal

Because of the Internet, cycles of things don’t really follow the same pattern as the older generation is used to.  They think they know obviously.  Their favorite game is called human capital and we are the pawns, bishops and knights on the chessboard for them to sacrifice.  I’m forced to read a lot of financial opinions as an outsider.  For somebody in the aforementioned camp, Mario Gabelli had at least acknowledged that the Fortnite generation has been slowly growing up.  Apps like Robinhood have opened the market up to steal your hard earned pennies.  And then accounts get hacked, money gets stolen, and the older generation laughs and shakes it’s head.  You stupid kids and your lack of motivation.  If you didn’t spend all your time living your life instead of making us money.  I think he forgets like most boomers do that there’s an entire generation after them that was born and bred on Tron.  I didn’t land into the stock market after playing Call of Duty with my bros to be honest.  I melted down a twenty year pension from a place of employment that ghosted, derezzed and ignored my entire identity.  Other people might have traded online through simulations, harvested their bitcoin at the behest of their electric bill or just have rich parents,  I’m not like other people.  We all have figured this out after how many years of writing these to an invisible tribunal of amazing people.  I often read these other perspectives about the financial industry controlled by pundits, investors, and people who generally talk down to the little person like me.  We are what people refer to as “the retail investor.”  We’re written about like the plague mostly because nobody can really control our strategies or bully us into submission.  Much of the idea of retirement is hinged on investments in America.  Social Security is about to run out at some point.  My generation will probably be the first to see my government stiff the bill and run away.  Corporations and working for them at times can be a whirlwind of interconnected dots.  Money and loss on paper becomes a zero sum shell game for the rich.  It’s not about the work you do.  It’s about the money you spend for them.  Donald Trump took a loss for almost two decades which is incidentally how long I was gainfully employed.  A typical artist in America can take a hobby loss for up to five years.  The same artists with no healthcare to speak of.  The fiscal cliff that we all dread is nowhere reflected in the markets.  Neither is the actual driving force behind their profit.  America is a consumer based economy and America is simultaneously shrinking and bursting at the seams.  These are all stitched together by a frail, aging ideology that doesn’t want to let go.  Generation X’ers like myself are used to being forgotten about.  I travelled the world looking for someone to look at me as more than a number.  And now people follow me around because I’m a name on their company registry.  But nobody really ever speaks to me directly.  I’m a dataset and a demographic that only speaks as a number on paper.  Until I do things that the financial elite can’t stand.  I make a decision that is based on things they don’t value.  I choose to put my money elsewhere.  And this is why people hate us.  Because you can’t speculate on chaos that you do not control.  And America is simply profit off of speculation which is a value amounted to 20.83 trillion dollars in debt.  Which doesn’t sound much like it’s in control of anything except printing money.

I grew up on computers.  My mother helped me start my first bulletin board system.  I had my very first phone line in my bedroom around the time wargames came out.  I used to post the number on boards before I had even set up a system like Telegard.  I would advertise it like a mysterious military site out of a Gibson book.  People would call and the modem would pick up the carrier tone and dump them to a blank monochrome screen.  From there my twelve year old self would punk people into thinking I was an AI.  Years later I found a twenty year career in Information Technology in the Arts which abandoned me in a wholly disturbing way.  My knowledge of computers still stayed and those skills kept me alive in these times.  I grew up playing games because I had no friends and suffered horrible bullying.  I was an only child who was ridiculously intelligent but often quiet and ignored.  Years later it’s not so much different.  The bullying is still out there.  America rewards the loud and the forthcoming mostly because it is too lazy to seek out the nuances.  Convenience has warped America’s attention span beyond the regular flow of time.  Computers and connection over the years have rapidly accelerated the dominance of these ideals.  Jobs exist all over the world these days.  Most of the ones I’ve been interested in have been in China.  But due to the circumstances of my situation, I was forced to take a larger sum of income this year than I would have liked.  Sounds terrible right?  No shortage of people trying to scam me into spending it.  Any further income accrued this year becomes taxed horribly.  Ironically, the Illinois fair tax law changes the game even further as retirement income was not taxed before the amendment.  If passed, any retirement income that was not with held will be owed.  Another round of layoffs to liquidate pensions from the bottom line in cities like ours will definitely affect people worse than me down the road.  I’ve been stumbling through the process alone since the end of July.  A lot of what I had done was to part out and budget money in my own way playing a waiting game that I’ve grown used to in my life.  I am at the peak of stagnancy at the moment.  Staring out at another blank screen typing into the void every week while people lift bits and pieces for their own convenient narrative of me and my value in human capital.  Headhunters no longer stalk the internet.  They follow you around in the street with forced intimidation expecting you to read into what they think you deserve to spend the rest of your life doing.  All the while trying to wrap you up back into an ecosystem for less pay, shrinking benefits, and an economic ecosystem of investments of both human and monetary.  Debtors are paired with debtors.  Marriages are arranged for tax purposes and rich oligarchs with political ties find more ways to pay less.  And yet they never really understand the power of connection they do not have.  They don’t communicate.  They project.  They expect you to believe that we’re all in this together when they never hear a word you say.  The only time they listen is when you take your money away.  I’m single.  Never been married.  An only child.  And pretty much an exile on Wall Street with more liquidity and equity suddenly than most people in America.  And much like everyone paying more taxes to a government that has basically turned into a formulaic limp dick reality show.

A reality show that treats me like the Babadook at best these days.  I can’t even leave my house anymore without somebody following me or watching me.  I realize this might just be the hazards of my next pivot into global employment.   I thought these long forms of prose were enough of a background check for the FBI at this point.  It’s called “transparency and accountability” Scully.  I realize ethics aren’t a valuable skill in America.  But the utter lack of human emotion for my situation speaks volumes to me.  And it should be a wakeup call for most who live and work in this dangerous time.  They really don’t give a fuck about us in such a comedic way that they don’t realize our power.  Our power is confidence and they find ways to undermine it.  Tell you that you aren’t beautiful enough so that you spend more money on things you do not need.  Ignore and isolate you until you breakdown and ask for their help.  Until you treat yourself in bankruptcy so they can print more money.  These times are abusive at best in a way that I have never been prepared for.  But those on top don’t really understand how it feels to be under the thumb for years.  I do.  Corporations aren’t human and neither are most rich people.  I realize that life here is literally all about money.  Last night was a very good example of that when I read the news about a game I played shutting down.  I cried because it was the only thing connecting me to anything social without being overbearing and weird.  And I had invested a sizeable amount of my pension in the thought that this might keep the ecosystem alive.  The lesser of two evils of investing.  Put money where you think it will be used fairly and wisely.  Water the garden and watch it grow.  The amazon stock is literally over three grand per share.  They own everything.  They’ve shattered their profits due to the shift from COVID to delivery.  Small businesses shutter.  Hard artistic work is pissed to the wind.  And people like myself are left to wonder why the fuck Jeff Bezos needs any more money from me to treat me like a fucking lab rat.  These companies do not give a fuck about you as a person.  They want your money.  They want to leverage your image, your words, your narrative to push something that doesn’t benefit you at all.  There is no excuse for me to be invisible after all these years let alone from what happened to me in July.  And yet, there is no real way to get back at it.  Other than to completely divest from something that only hurts.  Capitalism is funny that way.  It desperately wants your participation to stay alive.  A two trillion dollar company like Apple cares only about the cut for their investors not the art that drives these bricks that become obsolete in two years.  The reason the old generation is contentious to us is that we see the scam in broad daylight.  We trolled you behind the scenes.  And when we learn the truth, it hurts.  We can always hurt back.  I divest.  I decouple.  I wonder what motivates me as a human being and not a bottom line for some rich fuck who got their way scamming people into thinking they’re worth less so they could have more.  The internet moves pretty fast.  It can all fall apart in a keystroke.  And these people will still be making excuses and not staring us point blank in the eye.  I’ll still be playing video games and you’ll still be investing in what you think you know about me.  Which last time I checked is jack shit other than the fact that it’s safe enough to plant a nuclear physicist under my apartment for a year without me knowing.  Shall we play a game?  See you at the opening bell Jeff!

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

Pokémon Retold: Hidden Grottos - Whispers in the Dark (2)

Pokémon Retold (series) on AO3

Consider tipping/supporting/commissioning me on Patreon? :3*

*Note that I haven’t updated the tiers yet - I no longer post fanfic work 2 weeks in advance on there, I only post original writing, art, and fanart there 2 weeks in advance! The Patreon is mostly still under construction, but commission info on there is accurate.

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Some conversations between the Shadow Triad and Colress shortly after Ghetsis' death.

------------

Timeline: Immediately after the last chapter of Black 2 (but before the epilogue)

Setting: Unova

Notes: So I had a few ideas that I wanted to write, but none of them really had a plot, it was more just "hey I want these characters to talk about X thing," so that's what "Whispers in the Dark" oneshots are gonna be. No real plot, just two characters rambling at each other. This particular one is a little gritty and maybe a tad existential, because it's from the perspective of Ghetsis and later, one of the Shadow Triad.

Characters: Ghetsis, Shadow Triad, Colress, Rosa

Prerequisite Reading: Black, Black 2

------------

It was bitterly, bitterly cold there on the ground for that miserly man. He couldn't speak, he couldn't move, and it took all of his effort to merely breathe against the frigid air that felt as if it were stabbing his lungs with every inhale. There was a terrible gurgling noise with every struggling breath, for blood sat in his mouth, and he couldn't cough strong enough to spit it out. He was dimly aware that it had likely come from his seizure, as he had bitten through part of his tongue, which that pain radiated up and down his spine more so than the general discomfort from being on the ground, but it certainly would have been easier to deal with if he were not in such a situation.

He was staring at the base of a tree, whose roots were large and thick, and curled around him. The Shadow Triad—two of them, the third was not with them for whatever reason—had dumped him there at the foot of that tree. They were nearby; he could still hear them occasionally shifting and speaking curt words to one another, but they paid him no heed. Indeed, for hours, Ghetsis laid there and stared at the knotted roots, fighting desperately to keep breathing and occasionally jolting with the intent of standing up, but finding no part of his broken body would respond to him. Not only did he have the misfortune of having been laid on his partially paralyzed right side, but it felt as if none of his muscles would move at all. His left arm was as limp as limp could be over him, and his head felt heavy and foggy.

“What is wrong with him?” he heard one of the Shadow Triad question after an untold amount of time. It was the loudest one, the one with the clear, smooth voice.

“I do not know,” the other curtly replied. “The Hero of Truths did not actually hurt him. So, I do not know what is wrong with him.”

I’m dying, you idiots, Ghetsis wanted to spit back at them. In that desperate moment, he would have willingly gone to any doctor in all of Unova, despite the years he had spent suspiciously avoiding them all like the plague. He had never trusted doctors for paranoid fear of what they could potentially do to him while he was under their care. Typically, he had turned to Colress whenever he was in dire need of medical attention. Although he didn’t trust Colress to do particularly invasive procedures, he had done a passable job in the past… Yet, when the Shadow Triad had swooped in and teleported him out of that Arceus-forsaken cavern and away from that damned Hilbert Whitacre and his Reshiram, when they had taken him to Colress, he and his pet, Rosa, had all but screwed their noses up at him, and then Colress had ordered the Shadow Triad to “do something with him.”

Do something with him.

Not only did that thought plague him, but the frightening realization that had come minutes before he had fallen, seizing on the biting, icy floor, did, too. Hilbert and his Reshiram had been toying with Kyurem before he had been whisked away. Hil had fully intended to blow through Kyurem given enough time and kill him. Although he had fallen just short of murdering Ghetsis there, Hil had succeeded in felling Kyurem, and Ghetsis didn’t need it spelled out for him to know that he had failed. Again.

All he had ever been after in life was to be on top, to never be at the mercy of another human ever again, and even when he had clawed his way to the top with a legendary pokémon, sacrificing his humanity, his family, his blood, his sanity, he had been felled by another human. He suddenly concluded that there was simply nowhere on that Earth one could have gone to escape being under the influence of someone else. No matter what, one could not control all of their surroundings or what others did. The illusion he had been chasing his entire life was just that: an illusion. He didn’t even have anything to show for it. Unova had been damaged by Team Plasma’s attacks, but it would heal, and in his rage, he had severely injured N. For all he knew, N had bled out on his way to a hospital, so he didn’t even have a heritage to show for all he had labored over. Despite how long he and Colress had known one another, despite everything they had been through, Colress had taken one look at his dying uncle and told the Shadow Triad to simply “do something with him.”

“He is dying,” the smoothly-spoken Triad member mused. “That much is obvious. His vitals are significantly decreased. But why?”

“I do not know,” the other responded, much the same as before. “He does not appear any more injured than before. His limbs are still partially paralyzed. Though, I thought I saw him bleeding from his mouth… Even so…”

“He is not broken like our brother was,” the first interjected. “I do not…”

“Perhaps we can ask Dr. Colress later,” the second cut his brother off. There was a long pause between the two of them. “What do you think Lord Ghetsis wished to accomplish with Kyurem?”

“I do not know,” the first muttered in a deadpan. They sounded so coldly robotic. It made Ghetsis wish his muscles would cooperate and let him shiver… He was freezing… His fingertips, lips, and toes burned with the sheer bite of the cold. “I do know that in the past he wished to be in control of Unova. Yet, I do not understand how Kyurem would have granted him this, and I believe he said that he wanted to freeze Unova solid. I do not understand how that would have granted him ownership of it. What would there be left to own?”

I… I don’t know. Ghetsis tried to swallow but nothing happened. I don’t know what I wanted to do after Kyurem froze Unova… I just… I just…

“Do you think, then, that he wished to merely inflict pain?”

“That seems to be the case. He was increasingly cruel following his return, after we broke him from prison. Do you remember what he did to Anthea and Concordia just a few months after that?”

“Indeed. He let his new Hydreigon free on them in a closed off room and it mauled them before it was called off. Then, he abandoned them near Nimbasa City, along Route Four.”

Ghetsis struggled to recall the event they were discussing, and that alarmed him. His mind was fading fast… But he did remember. He had been furious with the world following his first defeat, back when he was arrested, and upon his return, he had captured another Deino and raised it. With Colress’ assistance, he developed a machine that would keep the pokémon under control, much in the same way he had programmed the Shadow Triad to be loyal to him. With such technology, Ghetsis had been allowed to freely train the pokémon as cruelly as he wanted, and oh, how he ensured it was cruel. Why had he done that? he wondered. At the time, he had convinced himself that such a draconic, fearsome pokémon would be more effective running off of sheer hatred, but… Well, that didn’t answer the question of why he had gotten another Hydreigon to begin with, did it? He had captured another Deino and raised it due to the pain of having his previous one, the same pokémon he had had day in and out, wrenched from him. He had beaten it again and again, made it hate him, because that made it feel normal. His first Hydreigon hated him. More than that, he didn’t want pokémon to like him. He didn’t want any of them to give him their sympathy. He couldn’t handle it. They were pawns to his plans and nothing more. He couldn’t allow himself to feel their kindness.

It was the same reason he had avoided N so much during his formative years. Not only was abandoning him to the forests an excuse for him to hone his ability to speak to pokémon, but it was so that he couldn’t get attached. Everyone else in the world was just a creature waiting to stab him in the back if given the appropriate tools, after all; he couldn’t allow himself to grow so strongly attached to N and have moments of weakness for the sake of loving his son. Yet, for a brief moment of clarity, he wondered… Was that because that was how humans were, or was that what he had convinced himself so many years ago, after having his family and town turn their aggression on him for his ability to understand the emotions pokémon felt?

Of course, it was gone as a searing bolt of pain ran through his chest and down his left arm, making him gasp and croak for air he couldn’t seem to get…

“If he intended to inflict pain with Kyurem, do you think he succeeded?”

“He did inflict pain. He hurt Lord N,” the huskier-voiced of the two Shadow Triad growled. If Ghetsis wasn’t too focus on his primal fight for survival against his failing body, he might have found that surprising. The Shadow Triad did not generally speak with emotional inflection.

“Yet, the pain is not permanent. I believe Lord N will be alright,” his brother pointed out. “Kyurem was defeated. Unova will not be frozen.”

“Then perhaps he failed,” the quieter one huffed with a note of finality.

“Does that mean we failed? We were supposed to help him, were we not? What does that mean of our brother?”

“It means nothing. Why do you question something such as this?”

“I do not know.”

“We do not control Lord Ghetsis. We served him to the best of our ability. Lord Ghetsis was the one who failed.”

All at once, Ghetsis gave up his fight for survival, and allowed the icy pine forest’s floor to siphon away his body heat, and his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

 ------------

“He is gone,” Quiet abruptly remarked, jerking his head to stare at Ghetsis’ body. “I do not sense a heartbeat of any sort. A pulse.”

“Then there is nothing else we can do for him, is there?” Loud asked bluntly.

“No,” Quiet answered, feeling a twinge of something he wouldn’t have known what to call, but it was, in fact, annoyance. Loud had a way of asking such irritating questions.

“Our brother did not have a pulse, either. Do you think there is nothing we can do for him, then?”

“Our brother and Lord Ghetsis are not the same,” Quiet replied. He looked up at Loud as the other stood up and stared at Ghetsis. Although they had all privately adopted the names Lord N had given them so many years ago, they never referred to one another by them. N had asked them, back when he had first administered the titles, not to say them in the presence of others. “Dr. Colress had fixed us many times in the past from bad injuries and the like. Maybe there is more to him that can be repaired than to Lord Ghetsis.”

“I just do not understand,” Loud sighed at last.

“Then let us ask Dr. Colress.”

With that, they teleported to the P2 Laboratory, deep within its recesses and to a large room. Upon seeing them, Rosa yelped and backpedaled, cutting her eyes to narrow daggers after them, while Colress jolted and then tilted his head at them. “Is Ghetsis gone?” Colress musingly asked without skipping a beat.

“Lord Ghetsis is dead,” Loud affirmed.

Quiet looked just beyond Colress and saw that, behind a thick, wall of glass, Genesect lay inactive on its knees. The mostly-synthetic pokémon had been a private project of Colress’. He didn’t know what to think as he looked at it. It was not yet alive in any capacity, yet it was there, ready to be… made alive. Was that how Colress treated them and fixed them? Somewhere in the back of his mind, he did know that he and his brothers were human, but they couldn’t have been human in the same capacity that Colress or even Ghetsis were. Machinery and synthetic materials laced his body as well as his brother’s. Humans were made of flesh and bone, and couldn’t be repaired like they could, and they felt something called ‘pain,’ which was a concept mostly foreign to Quiet. He could feel brief flashes of pain to alert him that something was wrong, but after that, it would ebb. Humans seemed to feel pain until whatever issue they were experiencing was resolved…

“What do they want?” Rosa huffed as she glared at them, slinking closer to Colress.

“Can you fix our brother?” Loud blurted before Quiet could say anything. “He has no pulse. But is still mostly in one piece. Can you fix him?”

Colress winced at the question, and sharply turned back to the control panel in front of him, as well as to Genesect behind the glass. “No… He’s dead. There is no fixing that…” His voice was tense and wavered slightly.

“But he is different from Lord Ghetsis,” Loud pressed, a little more urgently. Quiet looked down at the floor and blinked. He didn’t know what he was feeling, but he didn’t like the idea of them suddenly being a duo rather than a triad. So much of their effectiveness revolved around the idea of them being three strong… “Our brother is made from mechanical parts. There is flesh, yes, but he is not the same as a human. He is not the same as Ghetsis.”

“I don’t believe this,” Rosa mumbled under her breath.

Giving them a look that was torn between shocked and apologetic, Colress shook his head at Loud, then at Quiet. “I… know that you three are partially built with mechanics and the like… but it all rides off your biological processes. You sleep to recharge certain devices in you, you eat to replenish calorie stores which teleportations use significant amounts of… And although I have a lot controlling how your brains function, they are still required for you to think, move… all of that.”

“You are going to make Genesect move and think,” Quiet softly interrupted as a thought passed through his mind. “Why can you not make our brother do that?”

Almost choking, Colress uncomfortably spat, “Because it would not be the same! He is dead! Can’t you understand that?” Shuffling his feet and clutching top of the control panel ahead of him, he hung his head, then shook it. “Of course, you don’t… I knew that… I’m sorry. I should not have yelled like that.”

“Are you seriously consoling them?” Rosa incredulously hissed. “It’s not like they sound that torn up about it… They’re just asking questions because they don’t understand… Arceus, they’re creeping me out. Can you send them away?”

“Miss Rosa…” Colress sighed. “They still have emotion even if most of it is beyond their comprehension, and I did create them, and… I did not mean for that to happen to their brother… I will study data from his action and processes scanners to see if I can pinpoint where the error was made that allowed him to get into that position, because there should have been something in place to keep him from being injured so badly, but I am sorry that I was not able to fix it before something like that happened…”

Impatiently, Rosa nodded her head at Genesect. “So, what… what is that thing, again? What are you wanting to do with it?”

“Oh, Genesect…” Colress blinked as he looked up. He paused and then glanced over his shoulder. “You two,” he said to them, “Can you… I don’t mind what you do for a while. But I would like to be alone with Miss Rosa for some time. I’ll call you back whenever I require you.”

Turning to Loud, Quiet tilted his head and stated, “I would like to check on Lord N.”

“The humans will not like us in the hospital.”

“We can turn invisible.”

“We can still be felt.”

“We will ensure we are not felt.”

“Oh, my Arceus, just leave!” Rosa snapped at them at last. A shiver seemed to run up her spine, and she shook her head. “Creepy bastards…”

Paying her no mind, Quiet and Loud both went invisible, and then teleported to Lord N’s signature. He was in a hospital bed, surrounded by various doctors and so forth. They patiently waited, carefully keeping out of anyone’s way, and keeping from bumping into anything, cloaked in invisibility, until N was finally alone. The dimness of the room and the skies outside suggested that it was late into the night by that point.

While Loud watched from a distance, Quiet picked his way near to the hospital bed, where N was draped beneath a blue blanket. A bandage, flecked red with blood, was wrapped around his head and over his left eye, but he was alive. He very much did have a pulse and although he was asleep, he was alive. Seeing him asleep there was such an odd feeling… Quiet didn’t have the words to describe it, but it reminded him of a time long ago…

When Ghetsis had first abandoned Lord N to the Giant Chasm, it had been Quiet he had sent to do it, and Quiet who had been carefully lectured on what to do if Lord N was in any sort of dangerous situation. It had been a long night of synthesizing the various parameters, but at last, he had been given the infant and teleported to the predetermined location near a Zoroark den. He also had a Darumaka in a Poké Ball, whom he was supposed to use to warm Lord N up if it became too dreadfully cold. Until the nearby family of Zoroark had taken N in, it had been Quiet’s job to take care of him, and he had spent months out there, tirelessly paying him attention except for the few minutes each day he had to return to the castle for maintenance at Anthea and Concordia’s hand (which, Anthea spent most of the first month in tears whenever he visited… he hadn’t understood that, but he had known it was N’s abandonment that had caused it, and that it was uncomfortable to look at her during her fits).

There had been many nights like this, where Quiet had holed away in a hollowed-out tree or vacant cavern with a sleepy, tired N, the Darumaka there to keep them both warm, as they slept through the night. Quiet did not understand the feelings that were drummed up by that time, but they were returning as he overlooked N in the hospital bed. Although he hadn’t forgotten the need to be quiet and to stay unnoticed, he just… wanted to hear something he had recorded a long time ago… From speakers built into his throat, he replayed the short clip, much to Loud’s obvious dismay in the way his brother perked up and locked his eyes on the door.

First, in the recording, there was the sound of a crying infant—Lord N. Secondly, one could hear someone—Quiet—shushing it, and then asking, “Why do you cry? Do you want the Darumaka closer? …Young humans are difficult to understand.” Yet, within seconds—during which, Quiet had, indeed, pulled N’s Darumaka closer to him and the pokémon had allowed the infant to cuddle it—N fell silent and as far as Quiet remembered, he had fallen asleep moments after. Lastly, in the recording, one could hear Quiet saying, “Goodnight,” in a deadpan.

Loud glared at him once the recording finished. He didn’t dare speak, still strictly following his own instructions to remain silent and unseen, but Quiet could tell he wanted to ask him why he had done that. Truthfully, Quiet didn’t entirely know why he had done it, either.

In the hospital bed, N stirred, and Quiet, still invisible, took a seat on the foot of the bed, careful to not touch N’s feet. He really did not understand the almost aching, yearning emotion in his chest as he realized this would likely be the last time he could be with N in any capacity. Lord Ghetsis is gone now, he wanted to say but couldn’t. You are free of him. I think you will smile more without him. You always were happier without him around, like when you were in the forest with the pokémon, or when you would invite us in to play with you, even though we… did not understand what you wanted. Quiet looked away from N, abruptly finding it uncomfortable and unpleasant to see him. I do not want this to be the last time I see you. But I do not think I can see you in the future… But I believe you will be happier and safer. In that case, I think I do not mind it so much…

Quiet sat there for quite some time. Perhaps it was even until the next morning. All he knew was that doctors had started to flood the room, and Loud convinced him that they should return to Dr. Colress and see if he needed anything done. The fateful days surrounding Ghetsis’ defeat and death were over.

It was back to work after that. Part of him was afraid that he would forget Lord N and everything they had been through… But that was why he had that recording of when N was a baby. It allowed him to never forget, even when his memory of Ghetsis became dim and unclear, who Lord N was, nor that confusing, yet overall pleasant achiness in his chest that came with his memory. No matter where Dr. Colress or Rosa dragged him and his remaining brother, he remembered Lord N… and he was quite content with it that way.

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRH Book 1 Chapter 9

• So in some ways this chapter is a refreshing change from the Walker Ranch, for the other...it does seem a little shoehorned-in and last minute to me. And...if the only chapter where Hana gets substantial content is one that sounds kinda last minute - that's usually not a good sign.

• Here is what you can block if you don't want to see this on your dash: #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs, #long post.

• TW: Discussions on controlling parenting, brief mention of infertility, rambles about my visits to my therapist and what I learned there - also connected to controlling parenting.

• Screenshot Credits:

Hana: The Abhirio YouTube channel and @youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal

Drake: The BizzysChoices YouTube channel

Maxwell: @itsbrindleybinch and @ladatheimpaler

Liam: @callmetippytumbles and me.

• I was happy to see Olivia but could the writers just...not make Hana sound so confused, to make Olivia's route look more appealing? Olivia may be more at home with some of these tactics but if Hana did as much research as her eloquent monologue on the Auvernese Hot Stones suggests she did, she wouldn't just be standing there going "me scared". I know logically Olivia's option needs to be the one having an edge, but there are ways you can work around that better.

• Title: Ladies' Night

Alternative Title: This is How Hana Does Her Research:

And This is How Isabella Does Her Research:

• "Just us girls", Isabella says. I'm going to get a headache from the number of times she says that while trying out new torture techniques on me.

• Liam warns the MC that this might be a test, Hana offers to come with the MC, and whoever her LI is, seems reluctant to send her off (though I have yet to see the Maxwell version of this, since in his friend route he seems encouraging of it once Hana steps up to be with us).

• Let's be honest, Hana is coming because she knows that more often than not her advice has been the only thing that had saved our asses. She KNOWS.

• Hana is also the genius who found the loophole in that message.

• DRAKE is the one suggesting Olivia as backup for our trip (I see a pattern here. Drake is the only one who recognized Olivia when she pranked him, now Drake is the first one recommending her name for this trip. What gives?).

• So I've played this chapter both with Olivia's diamond option, and without. Her duchy takes pride in its warriors and in shows of military strength, so she is more than used to their rhetoric. There is also an interesting juxtaposition given between fire (Auvernal) and ice (Lythikos), as one can see in the hot stones scene. The chapter is clearly set up in the expectation that you will buy this scene.

• Hana is fascinated by the architecture and modern glam of the place, but it is Olivia who hints that Auvernal may be facing financial difficulties, wondering what may be "hiding behind the glitter and polish".

• We finally meet Queen Isabella, and for a royal who wants to prove that they can do diplomacy as well as they can do blustering shows of machoism (like her husband), she seems to be failing big time.

• For all the "research" Isabella seems to have been doing on the ladies in the court, all she knows about Hana is that she has a penchant for horseriding, had a failed engagement, and wasn't chosen by Liam.

• What? Practically everyone has seen how well Hana performs at court. In my playthrough, her fighting skills both at the boutique before the wedding, and her role in defeating Anton, have become legendary. She became a Guardian of the Realm. If you're married to the MC she is a freaking duchess and I'm pretty sure the woman who married her would know deep down that Hana deserved that title more. Hana is a freaking fashion icon (as you can tell by what Ana says at her engagement photoshoot and when little Valerie from Lythikos tells her in Chapter 3). Like...like...this stuff is common knowledge. Isabella doesn't HAVE any other excuse besides "I suck so bad at reading up that my term paper would end in a single paragraph and be marked 'F'. Same goes for my pathetic excuse of a research team."

• Also why is Hana the only person getting dragged for not getting chosen? Even Madeleine and Olivia don't face this as much, and one of them was dumped twice by two Princes!

•

(Top three screenshots are mine, the second row is from @callmetippytumbles playthrough, and the third is from @youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal Hana playthrough).

The first choice calmly has the MC list Hana's best qualities, while the other two clearly call out Isabella on her clear lack of respect for Hana, who is a guest in her home that she should have researched about properly. The last option not only speaks of her best traits but also of her being the MC's wife (and by extension, a prominent duchess).

• Isabella and her pathetic excuse for an "apology". "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that would be such a sore subject". That's a non-apology, a "sorry you're so thin-skinned" apology. She isn't even admitting she's clearly wrong and hasn't done her homework. She's still saying that Hana is merely all of the things she mentioned - just snidely placing the blame on them for being so sensitive instead. Like...fuck you Isabella.

•

I think Olivia should remember that she's lucky Hana "happens to be the forgiving sort" too, because that's how she got away with saying exactly the same thing last book. I like Olivia, but...hypocrisy much?

• LMAO @ Isabella when she says Olivia that she recognizes her because "might recognizes might", and Olivia is like "funny. I don't recognize you". THIS TEA IS SCALDING.

• "There's more to Auvernal than Bradshaw's blustering", she says...after she's left a less-than-favourable impression two minutes into our conversation. Even Theresa Sutton from D&D Book 1 would do this better than you did, and there was literally no filter between her mouth and her brain.

• Isabella presents an over-the-top, flashy silver gown for the MC to wear, stating that wearing a dress from an Auvernese designer, in a modern Auvernese style, would signal to people the beginning of their "alliance" (jumping the gun there a bit, aren't you, Isabella?)

• Gaww at the LI reactions!

(Screenshots: Drake's from BizzysChoices' Youtube channel, Maxwell's from @ladatheimpaler, and Hana's from Abhirio's YouTube channel)

• Olivia's best moment in the chapter comes when she has to complete the saying "when all you have is a hammer" ("smite them with the hammer!" Olivia offers enthusiastically). They're talking about Bradshaw, who Isabella's telling us would rather strong-arm people into doing his bidding. Babe you're not exactly very different in that respect 🙄

• Isabella lays two major tests to us - one is to have us give her military troops (who greet the guests with a parade) an impromptu rousing speech, and the second is to withstand the punishing heat of the famed Auvernese Hot Stones massage treatment. Of course, she hides her plans behind her "all shared between friends!" demeanor.

• What Olivia does throughout is draw upon her knowledge of warrior mentality, to explain what Isabella has in store for you. This meeting isn't just a message sent to the MC to remind her who she is dealing with - it's a way for Isabella to gauge whether the MC really will count as an ally in terms that they are familiar with. Remember - Auvernal who is perhaps in not as great a financial state as they lead us to believe - perhaps needs Cordonia more than Cordonia needs them - so in their eyes the alliance is falling through anyway, but Isabella is also going to figure out who she is dealing with.

Which is why Olivia - who lives and thrives in a similar type of community - is able to capture the pulse of what Isabella is doing to them.

(First four screenshots are from a playthrough where I chose Olivia's diamond option, and second from a playthrough where I didn't)

Hana's own mentality differs to a large extent from this. She is competitive, she has the ability to put up a good fight and defeat an opponent (esp one who underestimates her)...but her larger attitude doesn't exactly favour war. In a lot of ways both she and Liam operate on similar mindsets - yes war is necessary, yes when the situation calls for it we can put up a good fight...but at the end of the day both of their belief systems lie in a King Fabian outlook of "safety is important but a society thrives when there is space for art and culture to thrive".

In some of Olivia and Hana's exchanges you can see that Hana is the more artistic and whimsical of the two - which is why her ace move at the end involves both introducing Isabella into an aspect of their own culture, and on wine, which Hana is more than fairly familiar with. Her interests lie elsewhere and so she may not be able to get into their heads and suss out their motives as well as Olivia can, but I'm pretty sure if she's researched so much that she knows about their Hot Stone spa treatment, she would have at least a more generalized knowledge of this than the screenshots suggest.

• We're now at a plaza where Isabella has arranged for the Auvernese military troops to do a parade for the Cordonian guests. It's both a way of convincing the MC to pick them, and it's a veiled threat if she doesn't.

• My failplay of the speech brought up this gem:

Poor Hana, having to cheer for us even when we fail. She's the real MVP!

• So basically getting the speech right is simple, whatever is rabble-rousing and reminds the troops that the Cordonians also admire strength and valour and bravery, works for them. If you fail in this task, then Isabella takes over and rouses the troops on her own before dismissing them.

• Isabella FINALLY admitting that Hana's a skilled diplomat and does amazing research. LMAO bitch she even knows what your favourite fucking vintage is and all you know about her is her failed engagement? Admit it Izzy, you're a failure.

• The next is the traditional Auvernese Hot Stone spa treatment, which Hana tells us is tied to the geography of this country. There is a fair bit of natural volcanic activity in Auvernal itself (no wonder they're a people that operate in metaphors of heat and fire!) and the hot stones used in this therapeutic massage treatment come out from that. (they're most likely referring to basalt stones, which are used in hot stone therapy in a lot of different cultures. And it's true, the heat and the medicinal nature of heated basalt stones are supposed to relax muscles, help with pain management, stimulate the circulatory system, among other things. In Ayurveda, the treatment is called Shila Abhyanga and is done with circular stones of different sizes).

• There is nothing therapeutic about this trip, though, sadly. Very often this kind of treatment is used at particular spots on the body (most of the time I've seen these stones placed along the length of the back). It's not "grab someone's forearm and burn it with a stone". Isabella's attempt is clearly to expose us to pain and see how much of it we can take.

• Some of the MC's "stronger" responses are 🔥 🔥 🔥 lol, like "I've read Twitter takes hotter than this".

•

The MC and Olivia has come far enough in their relationship - either as friends or as people who grudgingly respect each other - that Olivia will stand up for her even when she shows weakness.

• Interestingly, if you do succeed in this "test", the narrative describes Isabella's face as lighting up with a "small smile...and she eyes you as if seeing you in a new light" (the fail option shows her looking smug). Which...given her behaviour in the wine scene, I think requires closer inspection!

• One of my favourite lines this chapter is when Olivia tells Isabella that she can endure hotter stones but chooses not to, because "Lythikos warriors prefer ice in their veins". I can of like the juxtaposition of geographies used in their language - Auvernal seems to have volcanic activity, so heat features more in their language, Lythikos is situated close to the Alps, so snow, ice and winter are their signs of endurance. Basically both communities operate based on the logic that endurance to pain is what heightens your strength. "If you can breathe you can stand, if you can stand you can fight".

• Hana struggles with the hot stones, in a scene that reminds me of Book 1 where she struggled with her first bite of a Cordonian apple. Hana tends to be quite open when she has a strong reaction to something, and is often not able to hide it even if she wants to. Which honestly I find quite refreshing about her.

• Isabella in a fail play can be a real asshole, making snide remarks and then flipping the blame onto the people who react to what she says. When she insults Hana and the MC reacts, she doesn't bother to admit she is wrong - instead flips the blame on them so that it seems more like they're the sensitive ones. If you don't succeed in the hot stones test, and Hana and Olivia respond to her jabs, she tells them "there's no need to get defensive. It's all in good humour, of course", and makes them seem like the thin-skinned ones. Honestly it's that part of her attitude that is a problem, rather than the actual snide remarks. That she will create a negative situation then act like you were the cause.

• Now apparently it's time for petit fours (and I'm a little sore they only describe the vanilla buttercream coz I would have totally loved to see descriptions of those Auvernese sweets in detail!) and casual chatting. Olivia cautions us to figure out what the catch is, and Isabella is mildly impressed by the MC's directness, but she tells us about her intentions (to make the alliance official - including the parts where our child must be promised to one of their twins) either way.

• Isabella eventually softens as the conversations go ahead, confiding in the group that before the twins were born, conceiving was difficult for her. The MC has the opportunity to share a secret of her own (either homesickness, or feeling pressured into becoming a parent, or tiring of the politics and the pretence). Hana - married or otherwise - isn't allowed to say much here, to the surprise of absolutely no one.

• Olivia distracts Isabella at some point with barbed compliments post this confession session, allowing Hana and the MC to plan their next move. Most of this day has gone into Isabella testing us, seeing if we measure up, her games. Hana now gives us an opportunity to turn the tables on her.

• This is where Hana has a clear advantage. Just as warrior communities, battle strategy and defence is Olivia's forte - culture, cuisine and the arts are clearly Hana's. She knows about the Hot Stones on a cultural and geographic level even though the mentality escapes her, she has even read up on Isabella's preference for wine and has observed her closely enough to understand Isabella's competitiveness, and suggest a tactic that could help us gain an edge over her.

• The scene begins with Hana charming Isabella into showing them her wine cellar and suggesting a drinking game. In a callback to the Madeleine drinking game scene in Book 3, Hana mentions Cordonia's Most (which was what they played with Madeleine), but zeroes in on "Two Truths and a Lie instead". Here is what you see from each of the women:

MC:

Two Truths -

Being in love with Liam even when he was engaged to Madeleine/Coming to Cordonia for Liam then falling for her LI.

Second truth is dialogue dependent (never regretted coming to Cordonia/fended off her kidnappers with her own hands/impressed by Isabella (no)

Lie -

Never been blackmailed. Isabella however believes this one is true and loses.

Olivia:

Two truths -

Greatest fear is failure to be perfect

Counted every exit before entering the cellar

Wanted to kill the MC when they first met (Isabella assumed this to be a lie)

Lie -

Came to Auvernal unarmed because she trusts Isabella (she clearly didn't do her research with Olivia either).

Hana:

Two truths -

Greatest fear is failure to be perfect (Isabella assumes this to be the lie).

Always envied the MC

Lie -

Dyed her hair pink as a teen.

Isabella has two rounds of this. This is what the first round is like:

Two truths 1.0 -

Never wanted children

Married Bradshaw for money

Lie 1.0 -

Dismissed a servant for over-steeping her tea (what did you do then, kill him? 😱)

Two Truths and a Lie 2.0

Now, we don't know for sure which one is the lie, since that game is never completed (I suspect it's the one about being born into the royal family?) but we do know now that Bradshaw never actually has seen or done combat firsthand, even though he can strategize and order troops and he's won several medals for "combat". This is the state secret that the scene promises, which will give us an advantage in the future chapters.

• Thoughts I had while reading this scene:

- The one from the MC about fighting her kidnappers is very much a callback to TCaTF. A major development for Kenna's character in Book 1 is to prove she is different from her ancestors - that she will fight alongside her people, not make them fight for her. The turning point of her story in Book 1 is when she tells Gabriel - her guard and guardian - that that instead of depending on him, she will fight the leader of the mercenaries herself.

- Also, LMAO @ Isabella believing our guards defeated Anton for us. Izzy my courtiers and I literally used scissors and shoes and clipboards to defeat assassins in a boutique. Mara and Bastien could never.

- As I mentioned before, the drinking game tradition is a callback to Madeleine's scene. But with less of forcing Hana to butter up to the woman who abused her for our convenience, and more space for her to actually talk.

- I'm going to take notes of those exits, thanks Olivia.

- There is a whole bunch you learn about Isabella here and there are hints that she feels stifled in this environment. Her first choices for the game revolve around truths about her married life: the fact that it was a political alliance and that she never actually wanted children (which adds another layer to the pain she speaks about when speaking of the struggle she had to conceive, because then it comes from a place of immense pressure and probably means that she felt extremely isolated and alone at the time). When Hana talks about how conflicted she is, it's Isabella who offers her ways to release that fury and energy (screaming, breaking glasses). Interestingly, she speaks of these things as what she does when she "feels the walls closing in".

- One thing to notice as well, is Isabella's reaction after she has realized she's spilled out the truth about Bradshaw's military merits. She shrewedly notes what our intentions must have been, and calls us out on them, but there is little to no anger involved in the moment. She only notes that "Cordonia gets more and more interesting", and while the game does not continue, Isabella does seem eerily calm in the aftermath. I don't have any concrete ideas yet what it must all mean, but there are a few ways it could go. She could either be pushing back in her own way against Bradshaw and the Auvernese royalty, or have another card up her sleeve that she knows we don't have a clue about yet.

- Hana gets to elaborate on her 'truths and lies' if the MC asks: she speaks about her envy for the MC emerging from the fact that the MC is confident, bold and questions her self-worth a lot less than Hana has learned to. The other two are tied to the aftermath of the controlling parenting she has grown up with. With the pink hair option, she speaks of her parents as if they are still there, still can control her choices, as if she cannot remove herself from the fear that she will disappoint them even if they are physically away from her.

Hana: Are you kidding? My parents will kill me!

MC: I think you're a little beyond their reach by now.

There's a lot said there in so little.

My favourite, though, is the one on 'perfection'.

-

I love the idea of perfection as being something to be frustrated by rather than something to aspire to. Hana speaks of this striving for perfection starting out as something she did to 'earn' Lorelai's love, and how that became something she kept doing over and over until it became her default - leading to the point where she can no longer be imperfect even though she has the opportunity and the support system (even if it's really not that great of a support system). And with a lot of kids who survive that kind of controlling, emotionally abusive parenting - that's normal. I guess I could simply sum it up as: You can take Hana out of Lorelai's home, but it won't be that easy to take Lorelai out of Hana.

I'll come back to this later, because there's some things I'd love to expand on with regards to this.

- Which Olivia opening up is promised if she is around, she doesn't really do that. Most of the stuff she says in this scene is pretty much standard for what she's shown so far. But I'm alright with that, because let's be honest the times when Hana is given even a scrap of space over Olivia, are rare. The writers will be only too happy to give her other opportunities.

- At the end of the scene, you get to address what Hana said earlier, while you are cleaning up the cellar. You either tell her you'd love to see an imperfect Hana (which is the lighter option, where they think of crazy things she can mess up, like burning toast, putting cutlery in reverse order, or playing every note on the piano wrong. Silly stuff. I know it's meant to be a joke...and maybe that's the root to why she doesn't get to actually be imperfect and affected and stuff. Because even in a scene about imperfections, it still feels like the writers won't take her actual conflicts and issues very seriously, and will not leave her the space to actually be a mess about things that would weigh down anyone).

The second option is more serious, and I really like it. The MC speaks about finding it harder to forgive Lorelai for everything Hana has gone through. Hana is still uncomfortable with the idea of resenting her mother, even though she's at the stage where she knows how wrong Lorelai is. She reasons it by speaking about how everything good came from Lorelai the same way everything bad came from the same mother. I'll be getting back to this bit soon as well.

- There is a tiny romantic scene following this if you're married to Hana, mostly kissing.

• Now that our work in Auvernal is over, it's time to get back to the ranch. BECAUSE MAXWELL BEAUMONT IS STRESS-DANCING AND THAT IS NEVER A GOOD SIGN.

(Screenshots: Drake's from BizzysChoices YouTube channel, Maxwell's from @itsbrindleybinch and Hana's from Abhirio YouTube channel)

- Alright so in Liam and Drake's playthroughs they talk to the MC directly. Maxwell's too, and he is panicking and speaking in capslock. In Hana's, Maxwell is still the one the MC is talking to, since he is the one in charge of this one thing.

- I love how Drake thinks Maxwell "stress dancing" means things must be better now but Liam knows it's a bad sign 😅

- BBBB. Maxwell could've just simplified things for himself and called it B-Quadrupled or B^4 or something. Be like Karan Johar, who saw three Ks and one G in his film title (Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham)...and said "yeah. Let's call this K3G".

• So now I'm guessing the aim for the next chapter is to keep it a secret until the time Bertrand is expected to be at his party. Or something. Idk.

• We're going...from deep conversations and political maneuverings...to this. Okay. Okay 😐

• General Thoughts:

- Okay...so the thing Hana says about perfection and wanting to please her mother. Phew. That dialogue hit me. Pretty hard.

(Please don't take anything I say right here as hard scientific fact, I am merely saying this as a client to a therapist who learned something from her, and am applying something I've learned into this sequence solely because it speaks to me on a personal level)

I've been going to a new therapist this year. A very accomplished hypnotherapist, fantastic in her field. We've been doing a mixture of talk therapy and hypnotherapy because I have a LOT of issues and they're all tangled together and it's all a big mess at this point.

One of the things we talked about was how centered my entire concept of "worth" was around smartness. Intelligence. Intelligence the way my parents perceived it, the way I saw it in school. At some point I said something...something related to smartness and worth and how you couldn't be anything if you weren't smart idk...and she stopped. Stopped and said, "that sounds like a parent tape" (wish I remembered what my exact words were).

Now, this conversation happened around a month ago, and I'm no professional in this field, so I'm paraphrasing what she explained, but she did talk about how some things get embedded in your subconscious as "tapes" or "files", and how at some points they become essential beliefs. It could be a simple moment that was nonetheless important to the child, that crystallized into a life truth for them, even into adulthood. And that would go for things that you picked up or learned from your parents as well. Learned behaviours and mindsets...that you grow up to believe as fact - and to remove yourself from them would be to remove yourself from everything you have ever believed to be true. It would be a destruction of a belief system, and building yourself back from out of that rubble would be scary.

- I wound up seeing Hana's inability to turn off "Perfect Hana" through that lens. I feel like she grew up with that "parent tape": I must be perfect to be considered worthy. I must be perfect to be loved. The only way I can gain my mother's love is by being her perfect daughter. And part of why she can't switch it off is because it became an entire belief system, the foundation on which her parents build this personality she has. If that is destroyed, the Parent Tape must be saying, then what will be left of her?

- This may explain why she continues to explain, justify, make excuses for Lorelai. Lorelai is a HUGE part of her life. Was a HUGE influence on who she was and what she became. Even when she is going in a direction completely opposite to what Lorelai initially intended, Hana does it by overcompensating, by stressing over whether she is being controlling merely for planning the perfect wedding, by worrying about what kind of parent she will be to her own child. While she acknowledges freely that her mother was wrong and pushes back when she is able to, she is not really at the stage where she can fully accept the sheer levels of damage Lorelai (and by enabling and encouraging this type of parenting, Xinghai) has wrecked on her self.

- In a lot of ways, Hana is still that child. The one who craved her mother's love. The one who grew up constantly questioning her own worth. And learning to validate that child and give her a peaceful ending is going to be a long, arduous, painful process.

- You can bet I have been thinking about this more than Hana's own writers have. By now I just know it.

- There was a part of me that CHEERED when I saw the MC (finally!) stand up for Hana. There's a part of me that...honestly...just shrugged and said "too little too late".

- I'm tired at this point. Really, really sick and tired of how people in the books are allowed to underestimate Hana and talk shit about her, and how little space the narrative gives to letting her either push back against that, or to allowing us to stand up for her. This chapter is one of the rare times that happened without the focus being on how wonderful the MC is. And I mean very rare.

- Married to Hana or not, the MC is the woman who let Madeleine get away with her bullying. Who didn't bother to look out for Hana, and continuously used her. Who didn't bother to find out how Hana was in NY after Hana had fought with her own father and left his house for her. Who (optionally) allowed Olivia to get away with talking shit about her, and who didn't ask Hana if she was comfortable before including her in a conversation with her bully. Who (optionally) can cry about not getting pregnant soon enough (today of course, that role was filled up by Isabella)

- Also isn't it ironic how Isabella, the same woman who speaks about not being perfect and allowing yourself the space to let out your emotions...is the same woman who chooses to talk ONLY about Hana's failures? Who sounds A LOT like Hana's own mother? So while those words about imperfection are true, the person speaking them is a truckload of trash.

- When it comes to a foreigner insulting Hana, then somehow it becomes magically appropriate for the MC and Olivia to pretend to be offended. But at home? In their own court? Hana rarely gets that kind of support. And she rarely gets the chance to push back either. An Olivia can call her a failure and claim "Hana hasn't so much as touched the ladder while I'm at the very top", and all Hana is allowed to do is glower in fury and then it's conveniently forgotten. By the MC.

Like sure it's nice that the MC gets to treat Hana with respect this time around, and pay her some attention. But where was this protectiveness when Hana needed it the most?

I'd have liked a moment like this earlier, or if the narrative actually was fair in terms of their treatment of Hana. But her issues, her feelings, her pain, has always been on the backseat. I'm not going to be grateful for scraps like these.

- That's the other thing. This chapter...feels a little last-minute. Not only is the gown in this chapter a very, very recent one (an anon pointed out it was added only a week or two ago), the chapter itself is all over the place. Isabella claims to want to show the group that there is more to Auvernal than Bradshaw's blustering...but in essence what she's showing us is pretty much the same thing. She is still issuing us veiled threats, and strong-arming us into becoming allies. Her tactics are still scare tactics and they are not as subtle as she or the writers believe they are.

- Even in this chapter where another person is allowed to feel pain over her years of not conceiving, Hana is hardly given space. Think about that for a second.

To me...if this chapter was a recent addition - that means the only chapter where Hana actually gets a tiny amount of space to herself...is a last minute choice. And that's not a good thing. In fact it reminds me of Book 2, where Hana was given an AWFUL scene in Chapter 8 (the fashion show scene, which focused more on Penelope than on Hana) and no appearances in the chapter after, and then given two good scenes (patisserie scene and library scene). Those two good scenes...came before they virtually ignored Hana and her background to focus on literally anyone else (after which Hana was not even seen in NY). Just because Hana gets a decent scene (a scene that isn't even hers, actually, a lot of it is about Isabella) once in 9 (NINE) chapters, doesn't mean that she's going to get good development from now on. For all you know this could be a carrot conveniently dangled to keep people satisfied for another 5-6 chapters of the same ol' focus on the male LIs instead.

- Wonder what Olivia is upto and what Liam might know.

- Also wonder why we didn't get a lot of info on Eleanor in her own home.

- Also for a country that is the maternal home of Cordonia's king, there's precious little shown about their interactions with him. In fact there's very little space Liam gets to actually operate as a King - either in this series or the previous one.

- This week, I will not be doing my usual QT for Book 1. There's an essay I've been itching to do, about Kiara and Penelope, and I'm going to devote my weekend to diving into that! Would anyone like to be tagged??

- Anyway! Until the next chapter, guys.

[ink-beneath-her-fingernails]

AtLA Rewatch Notes 1x01

so I was taking notes while rewatching yesterday and I needed somewhere to dump them so,,

heads up I’m probably gonna do this for the full series

also: potential spoilers for full series (key word here is rewatch, folks)

also this has little to no coherency and is essentially just a stream of consciousness and stray thoughts

ngl i still love this intro

THEY’RE JUST!! BABIES

this art style has just always instantly grabbed me

I know ppl have talked about this before already but sETTING UP THEIR ENTIRE ARCS IN THE FIRST LIKE SIXTY SECONDS POST INTRO

does anyone else wonder who Hakoda’s dad was since a grandfather was never mentioned and Kanna didn’t marry Pakku or

catch Katara yelling instructions but not trying to help at all?? she grows honey

catch Sokka being a sexist jerk?? he grows honey

YES KATARA GO OFF

ok but Katara’s growth from her anger causing such extreme, large, accidental incidents as splitting a wholeass glacier down the middle to causing extremely intentional, purposeful, small and complex things like stopping all the rain in the area in its tracks and bloodbending someone to their knees

like,, we been knew but they can all be absolutely terrifying if they want to

how many times do you think Zuko traveled through the South Pole and the world?? I know Iroh could just be using an expression and not be serious when he says ‘we’ve been down this road before’ but the Gaang did pretty much travel the entire world over in less than a year, and Zuko’s been searching for three??

no one ever taught Aang about ‘stranger danger’ huh

Sokka going from freaking out when Appa sneezes on him and frantically trying to wipe it off on the ground vs. Sokka climbing into Appa’s mouth and just kinda chillin when he’s drooled out alsldfkdskj

“midnight sun madness” makes me think,,, do y’all think Katara and Sokka at some point realized that most other places in the world have both day and night on the regular throughout the whole year and were like. what.

like I mean yeah they probably knew but it’s a lot different knowing and actually experiencing y’know??

like when they see Omashu they’re like “they have buildings here that don’t melt??” and like. yeah they probably already knew that those were a thing but it’s such a new thing for them

(also off topic but that line didn’t really make sense bc yeah Omashu was one of the first cities/villages/towns they went to w people living in it with buildings that didn’t melt but it wasn’t the first? that was Kyoshi Island man)

also do you think they got to the North Pole and were like. It’s not supposed to be this sunny/dark out at this time of year?? What hemisphere are y’all livin in lmao

“...oh wait”

is there even proof that the atla world isn’t flat

Aang acting vs. Aang lying

I mean ngl he kinda sucks at both but there’s still a significant difference in skill level

like when he took on that role to get into Omashu vs. when he tried to convince Katara he didn’t know what happened to the avatar

but I mean he’s kind of right when he says “i didn’t know him”?? Like he never got the opportunity to learn what that role meant for him or really get to know himself very well because he is just twelve yo

also yes Aang has nightmares love the reminders that this bby is terrified and anxious and overwhelmed by the whole situation even before he becomes traumatized and gets all his Big Responsibilities isn’t that fun

do y’all ever think about what happened to the little kids in their village?? no?? just me? ok

also when Gran-gran essentially gives her approval to go to the North Pole she knew what they were getting into for when they got there didn’t she? she knows what their customs are like and that there’s a high chance they’re going to run into Pakku, doesn’t she? so either she’s hoping that they’ve made some progress (and maybe they have, it’s just still not far enough) in the time that she’s been gone, or she’s counting on Katara putting them in their place and earning their respect and Sokka backing her up

and in that case

we stan tbh

KATARA RECOGNIZING THAT BENDERS OF DIFFERENT ELEMENTS CAN LEARN A LOT FROM EACH OTHER EVEN BEFORE WE LEARN THAT LESSON FROM IROH

I love how easily and subtly they’re fleshing out the magic system in the very first ep w Iroh training Zuko and Aang explaining his glider to the kids

I love the idea of penguin sledding but it,, seems lowkey terrifying and unethical

“I haven’t done this since i was a kid” BABY NO

AANG IS RIGHT YOU STILL ARE A KID

“...and a very bad memory for my people” like I know this seems like such a throwaway line and doesn’t seem like much especially w all the other fire navy ship content but this is lowkey great setup for Hama’s memories… like nobody would want to remember that or talk about it so it makes sense that they never really discuss it until then but it really was horrible and when you see Hama’s story just that little thing in the back of your mind clicks and with just this one little scene so much earlier that most of us probably forget about it’s less holy shit plot twist what a surprise didn’t see that coming and more kind of like just a very sobering, horrible ...oh. and I think that that carries a lot more weight.

“If you wanna be a bender, you have to let go of fear” but just,, how well that sets up his dilemma with firebending and Katara breaking him out of that... he taught her that lesson first, and then she made sure he remembered it. also,,, The Guru foreshadowing?? (nah I’m probably just looking too far into it but whatever)

ok wait but she said “since Gran-gran was a little girl” so is she just kind of exaggerating or did Kanna move there post-raids and it really was technically since before she got there?

in which case do you think that’s part of why she didn’t think Pakku would follow her there, bc there were no benders anymore, or only a couple? And do you think that’s part of the reason Pakku didn’t? Like it seems like they haven’t had much contact with them at all, maybe they had no idea how bad it was at all and kind of assumed at the time that, why would she go to their sister tribe when it’s constantly under attack and basically on the verge of decimation? There are so many other places she could’ve gone, and he would’ve had no idea which one she would’ve chosen, because why would she go to both the most obvious choice and the least logical option? (Which also brings up the question of would/did he try to follow/look for her at all??) ((I’m not tryna make excuses for him at all but I like thinking about the thought processes and logic))

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [AM of last day, after getting bollocked by Mr. Lucas for all the shenanigans they pulled in his room on his tings, 'cos he probably would've separated them, put them on different jobs or whatever] Janis: This is what we get for trying to help him with his fashion choices Jimmy: ungrateful knobhead, him Jimmy: soz you don't look 🥇 in green, sir Jimmy: get your own fake missus Janis: worked out so well the first time... 💍💔 Jimmy: 💰 on there being loads of Russian virgins in his area who wanna 🗨 Janis: when he's done 🤤💦 on his keyboard, Gracie can scalp them and make a new weave Janis: we all win Janis: personally 🥳 to spend that much time with him, like Jimmy: 👏🏆 Jimmy: me an' all, you I can take or leave, obvs Janis: I can epically dump you in front of his own 👀 Janis: win him back and all, bloody love that Jimmy: then when he rings my dad to relay this bollocking and owt else that takes his fancy they can get a bromance going and go for a 🍻 to slag me off Jimmy: chuffed to bits Jimmy: I'll have loads of time to crack onto them virgins myself Janis: LOVE that for them Janis: less about you being that sort of boy tbh, but we can try to work it into the storyline Jimmy: we can keep it between us, it's alright Janis: keep it between you and the Russian virgins, weirdo Jimmy: there ain't gonna be nowt between me and them Jimmy: no need to 💍💔 like our BFF Janis: not even a hymen Janis: romantic that Janis: put it in 🎶🎨📸🖋 boy Jimmy: no can do Jimmy: only got the one muse Janis: s'a insta caption if I ever heard one 💘 Jimmy: keep it in my back pocket for the next 🌧 day then Janis: yeah Janis: if we still need it then, plenty of time to 🗭 when you're meant to be writing lines instead, like Jimmy: where do you 🗭 you live, girl? It'll probably be 🌧 before we even get back Janis: always look on the ⛅ me Janis: just the positive person I am Jimmy: said before you're my ray of ☀ Janis: if I realized there would be a test, I would've studied, babe Janis: love a 🤓 moment, you Jimmy: piss off do I Jimmy: love nerd flirting with me, you Janis: maybe Janis: only 'cos it 😤 😠 😡 🤬 Mia so much Jimmy: wonder how that lad's feeling, if he can feel owt Janis: if it's anything like itchiness and stinging when he pisses, better get him home sooner rather than later Jimmy: really restored my faith in romance, that Jimmy: might have to try and 🎨📸🖋 any road Janis: not a subtle hint either, by the way Jimmy: what? Janis: never mind Jimmy: go on Janis: just saying not telling you you need to go get your dick swabbed, or whatever Janis: joking, obvs Jimmy: funny Janis: yeah yeah Jimmy: not riddled with owt either in case you were waiting for that punchline an' all Janis: 👍 Janis: weren't, but always good to know these things Jimmy: there you go then Janis: genuinely ain't seen him today though so Janis: welfare check ain't far from the truth Jimmy: She'll have got 💀#2 and the rest to help her hide the body by now Janis: be hell to pay if they've messed up the turf here Janis: not taking the blame for that one, like Janis: got a 😇 rep to protect Jimmy: Oi, do it for the reconciliation with your true love Jimmy: full term ain't gonna be enough when it's that #deepandmeaningful Janis: I can think of plenty of ways to stay in trouble and he can think of even more punishments Janis: just that 😍😍 Jimmy: I get that you're fated, don't need to rub it in Jimmy: here I were reckoning we were the starcrossed ones but its been you and him all along Jimmy: 😭🎻💔 Janis: be such a good plotline if he were actually fit Janis: make the best of it but 🤢🤢 Jimmy: soz mate I can't talk to you for a bit Jimmy: that gutted I am Janis: piss poor excuse but alright Jimmy: how is our 💕 being a sham a piss poor excuse? bit rude Janis: you should be over the 🌙 Janis: what it's meant to be, we're #killingit Jimmy: you're killing me Janis: you 💘 that too Janis: so good to you Jimmy: that'll be why I wanna keep hold of you Jimmy: but alright, you can stop begging I'll fight him Janis: he's spoiling for it, like Janis: thought he might actually bust a blood vessel earlier Jimmy: ⚔️ Jimmy: Bill's 👻 will be dead proud Janis: make two of us #boydonegood Jimmy: you were rooting for him a bit ago Jimmy: #fakefan Janis: keep you on your toes Janis: or him Janis: adds to the mystique, yeah Jimmy: I'm 🥇🥊 and you're well fit and mysterious, save it Janis: 😏🤔 hang on Jimmy: ? Janis: not sure if we're yet at that #goals level of co-dependent where our personalities are interchangeable Jimmy: better hang about for a bit then Janis: gotta go home Janis: 😭🎻💔😭🎻💔 Jimmy: we've got all day that's loads of time Jimmy: chin up ☀ Janis: true Janis: gotta go out with a 💥 Jimmy: Started already with how optimistic I were there Jimmy: we'll do it piss easy Jimmy: no dickhead'll know who's who and who 🗭 what Janis: we LOVE morphing into one person! Jimmy: that's the spirit Jimmy: 👻 girl Janis: vampire boy Jimmy: fuck me, that ain't the one Jimmy: been pissed all over Janis: just can't let being 😎 go, can you Jimmy: you can't let me either, babe, it's #ultimategoals Janis: think of a new, better nickname then, brb Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [some kind of generator moment] Janis: what's grabbing ya? Jimmy: What kind of grab is it meant to be? Janis: something that screams YOU Janis: and #ultimategoals naturally Jimmy: 😏🤔 Janis: UGH, BABE Janis: so picky, omg 🤭 Jimmy: Baby, I'm sorry Jimmy: I just want it to be perfect Janis: YOU'RE perfect Jimmy: You Janis: think they'll let us work together today Jimmy: can't stop us, your ankle ain't healed itself in the night Janis: and what is a top boyfriend if not a glorified crutch Jimmy: when he's as 💪🏆 as me it ain't even a job, just comes that natural Janis: write that on the review Jimmy: Alright Janis: might count as a reference Janis: wouldn't you just LOVE to work here Jimmy: 🚫☕😱😱 Jimmy: #whoamI? Janis: it's like your whole personality is just...gone?? Janis: 😬 Jimmy: that apron is my WHOLE identity Jimmy: can't even 👀 me now 👻💔 Janis: 🤚 💘 ✋ Jimmy: you need to come here I'm FREAKING OUT!! Janis: alright Janis: hold tight Jimmy: can't, I'm just a floating pair of shades Janis: float towards me then Jimmy: [does, soz not soz Mr Lucas] Janis: [being extra checking he's still here] Jimmy: [being extra too like can you feel this] Janis: [😳 to make it clear you do] Jimmy: [taking the deepest breath ever like oh I'm so relieved but really we just gotta calm down whenever we see the bae] Janis: [when you slept together and slept together before being rudely awoken by Mr Lucas so we all need moments] Jimmy: [how dare you sir, but we just holding her like I gotta so I don't float away and disappear so you can't ruin it bye] Janis: [snuggling him like I got you] Jimmy: [brb having emotions me and Jimothy both because he's just thinking this will be over after today hence not letting go] Janis: [we're all gutted and tryna pretend we ain't] Jimmy: [don't cry though boy there's no styling that out] Janis: [I think that some popular kid should invite them to a party that's like, soon as they get back today or whatever so it's like prolonging this day but they still think that'll be it but then they slay that party obvs so then they end up doing all they do in the hols] Jimmy: [I love that and it makes perfect sense] Janis: 😎😎 #confirmed Jimmy: THANK GOD Jimmy: touch and go for a bit there, weren't it? Janis: 🥣 Janis: juuuuuuust right, goldilocks Jimmy: Oi it's daddy 🐻 or nowt Janis: [😂] Janis: not 💀👑 Janis: can't sign off on that Jimmy: [IRL pout] Jimmy: 💔 Janis: what about baby 🐻 Janis: compromise Jimmy: [🖋 in the air like he's signing off on it] Janis: [👍] Jimmy: have we earned a fucking break yet or what? Jimmy: takes the piss, this Janis: 🚬🚬 Janis: reckon so Janis: [getting up even if we gotta lie about a pissbreak or whatever] Jimmy: [likewise because no fucks given at this point or ever like I gotta give her a hand she can't walk if anyone cares] Janis: [big sigh like thank god] Jimmy: [we outta here for however long we can get away with suck it sir] Janis: [take that break lads] Jimmy: [gotta sit down purely so he can put her ankle up on his leg cos gotta elevate that] Janis: ['how's it looking, less fat?'] Jimmy: [little lol but 👀ing at it 'how's it feel, any less of a ball ache?'] Janis: [nods 'like it never happened' not quite but you know] Jimmy: ['I can finally sign off of nursing you back to health then' when you keep thinking about the end of this but emphasis on finally like thank fuck] Janis: ['mission accomplished' like everyone is so 😍 for it and that's the only reason you did] Jimmy: ['post us my award when you get chance, nowt to rush over' with a shrug] Janis: ['got to make it first'] Jimmy: [gives her a look like there we are merging again cos he's an art hoe] Janis: [little 😏 'wait 'til you see it, like'] Jimmy: ['can't' cos so excited clearly] Janis: [shakes her head like oh you Jimmy: [😏] Janis: ['what are you gonna do when you get out then?' taking a drag on that 🚬] Jimmy: ['the question were meant to be what are you in for' and likewise] Janis: [look like, if you feel like answering that, go ahead] Jimmy: [a look in the direction of wherever they saw Mr Lucas last like there's that answer] Janis: [rolls eyes in said direction 'same'] Jimmy: [an exaggerated what can you do? gesture] Janis: [finger gun in her mouth like pow] Jimmy: [😍 and 💔 mime before doing his own finger gun against his head] Janis: [miming waking up miraculously like whoopsie] Jimmy: [playing dead dramatically] Janis: [moving closer to shake him like noooooo] Jimmy: [playing even deader give him an oscar tbh] Janis: [fake slapping him across the face in that dramatic way they do] Jimmy: ['I get it, you're going for the oscar' but said as he still lies in his dead position] Janis: ['nah, just really wanna slap ya' but we're cradling his head in our lap] Jimmy: [looking up at her 'go on then'] Janis: [pushes his face away like no] Jimmy: [gets up like alright, suit yourself] Janis: [awkward silence] Jimmy: [we just 🚬] Janis: [checking the DMs etc] Jimmy: [checking in with Cass and to see if Ian's kicking off yet] Janis: [hold on sir, they back soon] Jimmy: [thank god they're going straight to that party] Janis: [lol soz about it] Jimmy: [lol not soz about it] Janis: [can potentially skip to bus home it's up to you/if you have any ideas for before they leave?] Jimmy: [I feel like we should do a final activity they can slay as a team/duo because haven't been able to since day 1 and that's rude] Janis: [I vibe, potentially should have a flat white on the team too though] Jimmy: [let's have Ella because she'd be devastated] Janis: [so much deadweight on this team, have to actually swag it despite your real injury] Jimmy: [that was my thought, cos maybe another random girl who's also useless for different reasons] Janis: [pop off lads carry team to undeserved victory] Jimmy: [love that for you, happy nerds] Janis: [now go pack your things] Jimmy: 🏆🥇💪💕 Jimmy: well impressive, you Janis: 🤤😍 genuine ✔ Jimmy: Oi, take my genuine compliment, dickhead Janis: let me be genuinely grateful how I wanna be, boy Janis: maybe I got you a prize for being 🏆🥇💪 yourself Jimmy: Soz girl, didn't realise you had Ben in there helping you pack Jimmy: come find me for the #🎁reveal in a bit Jimmy: 🤞 he ain't it Janis: well, rude and ungrateful Janis: poor Ben just wants a fond sexual experience to look back on to avoid the PTSD Jimmy: him and that lad Mia killed, they'll have to couple up Janis: in therapy, maybe Janis: have to wait 'til the bus now Janis: back to the drawing board 😤 Jimmy: I said soz Janis: 😏 Janis: sincere Jimmy: I know Jimmy: right from my 💘 that Janis: as is my gift Jimmy: 👍 Janis: better react more than that Jimmy: make me, Juliet Janis: not giving you a fake handjob under the hoodie Janis: classier than that, ty Jimmy: don't sound goals enough Jimmy: it were you who said go out with a 💥 not a 💦 Janis: exactly Janis: 🤯 Jimmy: be alright, no need to impress me, just the #fans Jimmy: piss easy that Janis: no need maybe Janis: want, obviously Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: so real Jimmy: as real as you want Janis: depends Jimmy: on what? Janis: you seen 💀👑 & #2 leave their room yet? Jimmy: haven't been 👀 Janis: we could say goodbye to their room, like Janis: if they have Jimmy: hang on Janis: 👍 Jimmy: they're in Asia's, should've guessed she can't pack by herself Jimmy: be like getting a hyper kid to do it Janis: can't have her leaving behind her toothbrush Janis: essential in every way Janis: you wanna then? Jimmy: do you wanna? Janis: was my idea Jimmy: so come on Janis: [meet there kids] Jimmy: [what a good idea and a #mood boo] Janis: [when it's not even the place you are first meant to have hooked up, but the actual, so we all know what you're saying there gal] Jimmy: [checking under Mia's pillow to see if those pills are still there in case the bae needs them] Janis: ['toothfairy?' 😏 'probably fit to crumble out soon'] Jimmy: [exaggerated shudder that's not that exaggerated because Mia is that gross and we're tucking the pills back in her pocket for that intimate moment ™] Janis: [just looking down at said pocket] Jimmy: [looking at her like ? cos you think she doesn't want them/is offended] Janis: [shaking her head like never mind] Jimmy: ['what?' cos we're not letting it drop] Janis: [shushing him and hopping on that bed like, what we're here for] Jimmy: [getting on the bed too but still lowkey like are you mad at me thoooooo] Janis: [waiting for him to make the first move, 'cos he's either gonna just do it or 📸 out] Jimmy: [does not get his 📸 out and kisses her anyway] Janis: [live your best life lads, though you should be stopped by one of them coming back 'cos forgot something] Jimmy: [1000000000% agree] Janis: [we know either would make sufficient fuss that everyone knows yet again how #goals and #inlove you're being so mission accomplished but you still mad you been cockblocked we know] Jimmy: [especially because you think that was your last chance cos for real not gonna hook up on the coach however much you wanna] Janis: [mhmmmm] Jimmy: [at least you're allowed to be 😒 as both Mia and Ella would be so annoying about it] Janis: [at least you know that calling Pablo is not goals this time 'round bitch] Jimmy: [spare us and also at least Grace can be sitting on her own again because she's on the shit list after this trip so don't have to deal with any of y'all] Janis: [we all know you cheated sloog] Jimmy: [anyway a girl flirting with Jimothy by inviting him to her party as they are waiting to get on this coach, how rude madam, Janis is right there] Janis: [😒 on this bus] Jimmy: [nudging her cos you know they sitting next to each other] Janis: [just getting your phone out and doing that thing where you raise your head but not your eyes like so non-commital can I help you?] Jimmy: ? Janis: what? Jimmy: What? Janis: you capitalizing at me? Jimmy: I did do Janis: still doesn't make your point any clearer though Jimmy: don't take the piss Janis: [looks up like whatttttt] Jimmy: [whispers 'what's wrong?' in her ear so that they don't get outted for casually having a domestic and also because it's a saucy thing to do] Janis: ['nothing' but taking the trouble to whisper back] Jimmy: [leaning in like he's gonna whisper again but moving her hair out of the way and playing with it as we do obvs and drawing a ? on the skin that he uncovers cos he don't believe you gal] Janis: [acting like that tickled well more than it possibly could to get out of answering, like omg stop it] Jimmy: [actually does tickle her then like tell me] Janis: [loling and kicking like watch out] Jimmy: [just making sure her ankle is okay like steady on] Janis: [🙄 but with that fake affection like this boy] Jimmy: [snuggling into her like yeah I know I'm so extra but it's only because I'm so 😍 but really we are hiding that we're annoyed she won't tell him what's wrong] Janis: [patting his head which is such blatant there there vibes we know] Jimmy: [hidden 😒] Janis: you gonna go then? Jimmy: fancy it? Janis: I weren't invited Jimmy: I just invited you Janis: not your party to be inviting people to Jimmy: you don't wanna come then? Janis: not what I said Jimmy: what you said sounded like some health and safety bollocks though so Jimmy: no need to run the numbers, mate Janis: if I was wanted, she'd have asked herself, sat right here weren't I Jimmy: if I want you, will you stop sitting there with a face on? Janis: not the point, is it Janis: [but looks up like ?] Jimmy: isn't it? Janis: do you want to go? Jimmy: where's your answer? Janis: ♟ Jimmy: [another nudge] Janis: [nudges him back with her bad foot like try me] Jimmy: [looks down at it with a furrowed brow] Jimmy: I get it, you're 💔 you can't dance Jimmy: should've said Janis: fuck off am I Janis: sure you're well 😎 on the dancefloor Jimmy: [😏 even though we know he can't dance she doesn't yet so] Jimmy: Alright, you like to watch #kinkunlocked Janis: 😒 Janis: no, and you can tell your mate that and all Jimmy: I don't reckon Bill's 👻 is that fussed, Jules Jimmy: tends to give the directions, him Janis: 🐻 Jimmy: 👋 Janis: oh no, the bear has eaten your face off Jimmy: @ Mia's dad Jimmy: gonna need compensation Janis: it is your only 💰 maker Jimmy: bit rude Janis: blame the 🐻 for being a bear, alright Jimmy: blame you for bringing him about, more like Janis: it's your dad Janis: baby 🐻 Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: he's got competition for being the biggest dickhead of a dad 🎻 Janis: a competition most dads 'round here could go in for Jimmy: 🤞 Mia's wins Janis: what's the prize? Jimmy: golf clubs Jimmy: you can 💀💀💀 'em when you've had enough Janis: fun for all the family Janis: won at life so sure he will again Jimmy: 👍 Janis: don't be 💔 Jimmy: I ain't my 2 dads are Janis: Lucas will take 'em for a pint Jimmy: he got any kids? could enter an' all Janis: dunno Janis: be like older than my mum if they are Janis: 'less he's having loads on the sly Jimmy: all them poor Russian virgins 🤰👶 Jimmy: like a factory Janis: ain't sending 'em no rubles Jimmy: real 💔 that Janis: mhmm Janis: you wanna add to their woes by trying to flirt with them Janis: shameful Jimmy: I don't flirt with no lass, they crack onto me Janis: oh god Jimmy: deny it Jimmy: [shows her all the DMs like see] Janis: that's girls who are ⬇ you Janis: not girls you're interested in Jimmy: not actually interested in any Russian virgins, soz to burst your bubble, dickhead Janis: more fool you Jimmy: fill your own boots, like Jimmy: loads in the area if the ads are owt to go by Janis: 🖕🖕 Janis: need neither your leftovers nor your permission, tah Jimmy: you're alright, I weren't offering neither Janis: fill your own boots, like Janis: case and point Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: you sound like 💀👑 Jimmy: you can have my permission to go to law school if you're gonna keep being a twat Janis: piss off Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: 👋 Janis: [like we ain't sat together Jimmy: give me a bell when you've graduated harvard or wherever Jimmy: might come in handy Janis: sounds about right Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: meaning if I went off and got a law degree, I don't reckon I'd have time to fake date you Jimmy: never said that you'd have to Janis: whatever favour you need then then Jimmy: forget it, I'll use the free time I'll have when you've done one to win over Mia's dad Janis: 💡 Jimmy: 🥇 as per, me Jimmy: no need to go on about it, babe Janis: keep dreaming, new boy Jimmy: [puts his head on her shoulder and closes his eyes like okay then] Janis: [sigh like it's contented] Jimmy: [staying put stubbornly even though he obviously isn't going to sleep lol] Janis: [leaving this for a bit but then] Janis: we probably should Janis: if you're going, I mean Janis: should go together Jimmy: weren't planning to Jimmy: but if you wanna Janis: not hugely but Janis: if we didn't, we'd have to think up something more goals to be doing instead of or they'd fill in the blank of it Janis: this is the easiest option Jimmy: right Jimmy: and she don't want you there, so you should be Janis: bit petty but Jimmy: is it? Jimmy: you said it, you were there when she asked me Janis: yeah Janis: don't care if she wants to suck you off though, do I Jimmy: don't you? Janis: suppose in theory I have to Jimmy: just fake the 😒 face you had on a bit ago, that'll do Janis: I'd rather smack her Janis: but I know how to do it, been here the whole time, like Jimmy: go on, long as you don't fuck up your decent ankle there's no need for me to hold you back or up Janis: not the kind of fake girlfriend I am Jimmy: suit yourself Janis: it'd make you look good, and me like a dick Jimmy: didn't say you had to do it with an audience Janis: don't matter Janis: not gonna tell everyone she tripped, is she Jimmy: Dunno, don't know her Janis: girls aren't like that Janis: a lad has pride and will keep their mouth shut Jimmy: leave it out with her then Jimmy: like you said, what do you care? all just bollocks Janis: like I said, you come out fine, she treated me like a twat, that's why Janis: she don't know I don't care, that's the point Jimmy: Alright, let's make her look a bigger twat Jimmy: how? Janis: Good question Jimmy: 🗭💡🥇 Jimmy: What'd get to a lass like her? 🤔 Janis: if her party was a flop Jimmy: we could do that Janis: can we do that without everyone else knowing it's us doing that though Janis: that's the trick Jimmy: we got caught doing all that bollocks 'cause we wanted to Janis: 'course Jimmy: challenge accepted then Jimmy: but it won't be Janis: naturally she'll be well devastated when you don't shag her Jimmy: She'll live Janis: 😢 but aiming for 😭 so we need the rest Jimmy: every dickhead knows I only want you by now Jimmy: she's taking the piss Janis: yeah Jimmy: you'll live an' all Janis: don't be telling me what to do Janis: 😏 Jimmy: wouldn't be very #goals that Janis: you're telling me Janis: though they'd like it Jimmy: hang on, I'll @ you my instructions Jimmy: they can give it a like Janis: 🤮🤮🤮 Janis: some things work better as a DM, babe Jimmy: [DM's her but it just says hey] Janis: 😂 Janis: don't quit your day job to become a master, like Jimmy: don't need your permission either, Judith Janis: you'll need loads of training Jimmy: piss off will I Janis: 👌👌 Janis: calm down Janis: not given me nothing to go on there Jimmy: [gives her something 🔥🔥 to go on cos challenge accepted] Janis: no need for that Jimmy: you said I hadn't given you nowt Jimmy: there you go Jimmy: 🎁💕 Janis: [a LOOK] Janis: just Janis: rude Jimmy: [a LOOK back cos always] Jimmy: you gonna give me the one you owe me at this party or what? Janis: nah, have it now, hold on Janis: [my idea was something she stole from someone's room that she didn't put in the collective kitty but I can't fully think what yet] Jimmy: [I'll let you off cos I've been there and whatever it is he's gonna be shooketh in a good way so] Janis: [hmm, maybe a screw off Mia's bed, something like that, like no reason to but for the mems] Jimmy: [when you can just kiss her because there's a coach full of people about to use as the excuse we're past needing] Janis: [enjoy that as you fully got cockblocked earlier lads and you aren't over it] Jimmy: [even if some idiot cheers you won't care] Janis: [didn't even when it was fully 'fake' so not caring now you actually wanna] Jimmy: [exactly and likewise what is Mr Lucas gonna do, you're already in detention forever] Janis: [nearly home just leave 'em alone for a hot sec sir] Jimmy: [you'll regret it if you don't sir because they'd be fuming] Janis: [already tieless so watch out] Jimmy: [I doubt they're the only couple on this entire trip so calm down] Janis: [even if most people would have a shade more decorum 'cos not tryna be THE couple, still lol] Jimmy: [at least Pablo didn't come on the trip because he and Mia are the anti couple] Janis: [thank god he's in the year above if we stick to when he was born before] Jimmy: [might as well tbh] Janis: [we know the twins were the biggest mistake of all soz ladies] Jimmy: [not forgiving Caleb for treating Ali like that in her grief] Janis: [yeah that was fucked hence no one can grieve you properly, along with the rest] Jimmy: [anyways he should teach her some more sign language insults because people on this coach are annoying af] Janis: [doing it at this girl] Jimmy: [he'd be so amused] Janis: [so jealous] Jimmy: [she's so brazen like they are the talk of this trip gal what do you think you're doing] Janis: [when you think you that bad, I think not honey] Jimmy: [egg on your face when he brings her to your party and they make sure you're a flop] Janis: [makes your party all about them, like have you been here on this trip or] Jimmy: [love it, it's what you deserve for trying to make Janis look a fool/steal her man] Janis: [tbh] Jimmy: [is there any other coach moments/convos we wanna have?] Janis: [we probably got the jealousy across well, and it's bound to be more of the shameless kissing 'cos you can vibe? so we can probably skip to when they've had to go home for the hottest of secs before this party?] Jimmy: [I'm fine with that cos you know he gotta go sort his siblings out and have a fight with Ian if he's there or steal his stash again if he's not on top of putting on a #lewk for this party] Janis: [exactly, likewise you do have to see your mum for a hot sec and slay on this hoe now obvs] Jimmy: [sends her a ridiculous outfit selfie of something he's absolutely not gonna wear to this party cos he's a nerd] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: so torn between telling you it's perfect and the fact I will have to pretend I'm 😍 to see you Jimmy: you have to pretend you're 😍 to see me any road Janis: yeah Janis: sadly only think it's funny if it makes your life harder though, not mine so Jimmy: back to the drawing board Janis: 😱 the 😎 isn't effortless?! Janis: 💔 Jimmy: not trying to please myself, just you Jimmy: nowt effortless about that Janis: you calling me high-maintenance? Jimmy: if the 😒 fits, Julie Janis: not gonna apologize for having standards, new boy Jimmy: weren't asking you to Janis: wouldn't be wise Janis: that outfit come with a 🤐? Jimmy: [sends her a selfie of him with his hoodie zipped over his head like this one does] Janis: much better Janis: some would say 👍 Jimmy: *🥇 Jimmy: Good job I've got 2 then Janis: s'alright, not gonna keep it for the mems Janis: took 2 🔩s Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say it were alright 'cause you took Helena's meds out the pocket Janis: that goes without saying Janis: who am I Jimmy: exactly why it threw me for a sec, mate Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: What you rolling your eyes at me for? Janis: not a druggie, tah very much Jimmy: never said you necked 'em, did I? Janis: whatever Jimmy: don't get another strop on Janis: don't you start Janis: leave it, alright Janis: meet you outside hers Jimmy: Alright Janis: are all that lot invited too? Jimmy: Dunno Janis: not gonna hope but Jimmy: 🤞 they are or ain't? Janis: had enough of 'em for a lifetime Janis: but 🐓 🦃 🦚 🦜 🦢 🦩 one stone Jimmy: could 📌 it on 'em why the party was shite Janis: not a stretch at all, yeah Janis: my sister's parties are famously shit and they all get wasted after a drink Jimmy: 🤞 they got their golden tickets an' all then Janis: 💀👑 the type to invite herself regardless Jimmy: 💰💰💰 Janis: shameless Janis: got that in common with the hostess anyway Jimmy: she another rich girl? Janis: no idea Jimmy: you know owt about her? Janis: nothing we can use, I don't reckon Janis: barely know who she is, if I'm honest Jimmy: be alright, crap parties are a piece of piss compared to 😎🚬 ones Janis: standard, you mean an' all Jimmy: goes without saying Janis: you been a party here yet? Jimmy: don't need to have to stand by what I said Janis: same wherever you end up, yeah Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: people are predictable Jimmy: weren't hoping any of these knobheads would impress me, don't worry Janis: not a rep to make sure you're having an AMAZING time Jimmy: only with you, that's why it's #goals Janis: naturally Janis: #notlikeothergirls is the branding to go for Jimmy: no ❄ though, that's Mia's dad's Janis: gonna stop pushing now, are you Janis: good to know Jimmy: piss off Janis: no need to be aggy Jimmy: but there's every need for you to have a go, is there? Janis: who said I was having a go Janis: joke, relax new boy Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't be moody Jimmy: stop doing my head in Janis: fine Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🖕👋 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: not okay to use my own move against me Jimmy: go on then, tell me my every move Janis: not 💀👑 Jimmy: could use the same 🥺😢😭😤😠😡🤬🤯 scale still Janis: go on then Janis: where are you Jimmy: 🥺 obvs Janis: if anyone asks, same Jimmy: I am asking, dickhead Janis: we're telling the truth now? Jimmy: Why not? Janis: why are you 🥺 then? Jimmy: you ain't answered where you are Janis: solid 😤 Jimmy: There you go, that'll be why I'm 🥺 Janis: yeah, I'm that easily deterred Janis: what's up Jimmy: What's up with you? Janis: is there a punchline or? Jimmy: 🤡🥊 Janis: 😤 is my 😒 Jimmy: so you're alright? Janis: yeah, I'll survive Janis: your turn Jimmy: What? Janis: to answer Jimmy: I did do Janis: properly Jimmy: you heard me, it's your fault ☀ Janis: it ain't Jimmy: Why do you want me to move across to 😭? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: ugh Janis: be like that Jimmy: UGH yourself babes Janis: just trying to entertain myself on this bus Janis: you're NO help Jimmy: what kind of help are you after? Janis: 🤡🤡🤡 Jimmy: [sends her whatever DM the girl who invited him to this party has sent him since said invite] Janis: cringe Jimmy: You wanna reply to it? Janis: as me or you? Jimmy: whichever one suits you, babe Janis: [writes something from him about really looking forward to the party so she thinks she's in/more sting when it flops] Janis: send that then Jimmy: [does and shows her that it's sent] Janis: 👍👍 Janis: might need to mute her 'til we get there now though Jimmy: are you gonna be my mate again now? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: what are the perks like? Jimmy: that the kind of mate you are? Janis: just saying, if my deal is better being your fake girlfriend Janis: got to consider these things Jimmy: if you can't handle being both Jimmy: not very 🥇 of you but alright Janis: you just can't get enough of me Jimmy: I get it, you can't 🤹 Jimmy: have to leg it off to the 🎪 on my own 🎻💔 Janis: 🦁 tamer Janis: you're already the 🤡 and I can't grow a beard either so Jimmy: can't be a 🤡 and a 🐻!!!!!!!!! Jimmy: #whoamI? Janis: omg babes Janis: existential crisis o'clock! Jimmy: 😱😱😱😱😱 Janis: drag me for trying to pick between 💘 or 🤗 Janis: you're SUCH a mess, no offense Jimmy: none taken obvs Janis: fine, friendzone me Jimmy: can't win with you today Janis: bit rude Janis: if you wanna do party girl, then just let me dump you Jimmy: if I wanted to I just wouldn't have invited you Janis: no, because that's not the deal Janis: we both agreed already Jimmy: I know what the deal is, tah very much Janis: it's a compliment Janis: i'm saying you ain't a complete 🐍 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: yeah Janis: that's the plan Jimmy: What time do you want me to meet you in the 🦁 den then? Janis: there's a bus stop like five minutes from hers Janis: meet me there at Janis: do we wanna be fashionably late for the 😎 or on time ish to sabotage some more? 🤔 Jimmy: I got nowt else on Janis: alright so [the earlier side of a party starting] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: asked Grace, they are going Janis: made a big Thing™ of getting ready all of 'em without her so Jimmy: charming Janis: yeah well she knows what she did, like 🔪🔪🔪 Jimmy: I get it 🩸🩸🩸 on her own hands not coming out our 💘s Janis: now she's not gonna throw herself at you for Mia's amusement, sorta served her purpose Janis: 'til the next one, obvs Jimmy: I should've made better ☕ my bad, Gracie Janis: 🙄 Janis: obvs Jimmy: what's obvs is that she don't order a latte to support my 🎨 Jimmy: Mia should've known it'd never be a goer Janis: weird, beige is right up her alley Jimmy: her order don't come out purple or owt, don't worry Janis: even I could gather that Jimmy: I can't give you a 🏆 but Janis: could if you put some coffee in it Jimmy: rather put 🥃 in there but alright Janis: when you're off the 🕥 Jimmy: I didn't realise your plan to fuck this party up was that I serve ☕ Jimmy: 🥇💡 Jimmy: get traced right back to 💀👑 Janis: never work Janis: it's your 2nd biggest 😍 pull Jimmy: good job the only 🕥 I'm on is yours then Janis: safe to say the way you froth does not have me doing the same Jimmy: such a way with words, you Jimmy: SO romantic Janis: has been said Jimmy: TOTALLY won't be 💭💕😍 when I am at work tomorrow, tah Janis: you're welcome for the distraction and the third degree burns Jimmy: how #goals Janis: get to get my own back and nurse you SO HARD Jimmy: you're welcome that I'll be a well easier patient than you Janis: what I'm hearing is lazy Jimmy: you sound like a Tory, I'll go if you've got Mia's dad in another 🗨 like Janis: who could compete Janis: I understand 🥉 Jimmy: 👋 Janis: Can't believe he's so ugly Janis: if you're gonna risk incest, like Jimmy: What 'cause she's so fit it's a massive shock? Janis: 🙄 yeah, you worked that out Jimmy: I know it'll be a struggle but don't dump me for her Janis: shut up Janis: if I was gay, I'd have taste Jimmy: at least 🥉 Jimmy: she ain't on the podium Janis: thanks for your professional opinion Janis: I'm not gonna get someone else involved in this charade Jimmy: but I'm lazy? Alright 😏 Janis: gotta break the ⛓ Janis: tah Jimmy: 💔 that your 🏆💪 were just some bollocks rumour Janis: not carrying you around either Janis: 💀 from 💔 Jimmy: I heard you, wanting me to lie down and 💀💀💀 in the dirt, weren't it? Jimmy: ✔💕 Janis: 🥺🙏 Jimmy: I'll let your bus roll over me Jimmy: job done Janis: be waiting a while Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Janis: slowburn? Jimmy: love a bit of a waiting game, me Jimmy: 🏆 best dad ever 🏆 for pissing about with this will we, won't we fuck off out of here Jimmy: if you're gonna risk incest Janis: how sweet of him Jimmy: right Janis: gutted my ma got that all out of her system when I was 👶 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: mhmm Janis: but alright with not having to have them tag along Jimmy: 🍻 to that Janis: how's your brother Jimmy: did you get an SOS 🦇 girl? Janis: nah Janis: just asking Jimmy: [sends her sign language stuff on how to ask how someone is so she could ask if she wanted to] Janis: alright, alright Janis: 🖕👋 would suffice Jimmy: it were you who said you wanted something to do 🥱🚍 Jimmy: have a go Janis: what if one of these old bags knows it too then I'm stuck in a conversation Jimmy: call me, I'll sort it out Jimmy: but 🖕👋 would probably suffice there an' all Janis: 😱 Janis: shocking behaviour Janis: I would NEVER Jimmy: if you get it right you can ask that lass how's she's doing when her party goes tits up Jimmy: so crack on Janis: 😒 hmm Janis: manipulative but alright Jimmy: are you gonna be mardy about her all night? Janis: obviously not Janis: how would that make me look Jimmy: I meant here 🗨 @ me Janis: I'm not being mardy Jimmy: 😒 you Janis: you all the time Janis: not taking it personally, am I Jimmy: told you before, I ain't a mind reader Janis: I'm not mardy at you Jimmy: Okay Janis: It's her, I told you Jimmy: Yeah Janis: dunno what her problem with me is Jimmy: she don't look as good in green as Mr Lucas, massive problem, that Janis: she can see him after class and take it up with him, like Jimmy: long as he don't stick her in detention with us Janis: then I will be 😒 with you Jimmy: baby 🥺 Janis: wanna be alone with you and Mr Lucas, obvs Jimmy: duh, you'll have gone 3 weeks without him by then Jimmy: near torture Janis: don't remind me 💔 Jimmy: I'll have to send him a 💌 when I go Janis: we're not sharing Jimmy: you're alright, I don't reckon he'll be about having a LDR with me Jimmy: he's very physical Janis: not 🥈 Janis: just 'cos you've pissed off Jimmy: you're 🥈 with me here Janis: fuck right off Jimmy: There she is, my 🦘🥊 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: 😍😍😍 look better with bruises Jimmy: your blatant kink, that Jimmy: 🔓 Janis: just true Janis: the less you look like you the better, DUH Jimmy: any excuse to wear my 😎 suits me Janis: true 💘 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: did you go for the hoodie then? Jimmy: is it a dealbreaker? Janis: could be Jimmy: I could grab it then Janis: what are you wearing Jimmy: Don't you wanna wait and see? Janis: I'll still be able to fake my 😍 without the surprise Jimmy: [a selfie of whatever lewk he's serving] Janis: yeah Janis: good job 👍 Jimmy: Tah Janis: don't you wanna make sure I look okay? Jimmy: don't need to Janis: I could totally shame you Jimmy: you couldn't Janis: trust 💪🏆 Jimmy: I don't care what you've got on, not a mean lass Janis: just getting it off, gotcha Jimmy: just leave out spending it about, not very #goals of me Janis: couldn't be non-goals if we tried Janis: bar's that low tonight Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: mhmm Jimmy: show me then Janis: [going relatively hard here we can presume because these basics ALWAYS do so you need to do it but better] Jimmy: [I likewise think he's gone harder than he would so I vibe it] Janis: [we out here] Jimmy: [pinterest has cockblocked me as usual] Janis: [I've not looked yet but we know the vibes] Jimmy: Oi Janis: what you oi'ing at? Jimmy: you can't be saying the bar's that low and giving me that Janis: what do you mean Jimmy: I mean you know what you're doing wearing something so 🏆 worthy Janis: yeah, I do know what I'm doing Janis: you can trust in that Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 😏 Janis: you can say I look fuckable, it's the point Jimmy: and you reckoned it were me displaying shocking behaviour a bit ago Jimmy: 🧼👄 Janis: must've been wishful thinking then 😇🤓 Jimmy: I get it, your SO 🥱🚍 you've gotta take the piss now Jimmy: stop thinking about me, girl Janis: guilty Jimmy: 👮🚔 Jimmy: you just wanna be back in chains of any sort, well predictable you Janis: gotta practice having this shit on 🔒 Janis: lads don't even wanna claim 'em after, never mind hold 'em down Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: chuffed to be your lab 🐀 Joan Janis: never poured acid in your 👀s Janis: lucky little 🐀 boy Jimmy: Tah for not doing owt to the 👂 growing out my back an' all Jimmy: know what you're like, lucky it's still attached Janis: gives you character Janis: pick you out of a lineup with your fellow whiteboys Jimmy: #newschoolnewme Janis: wait 'til I make a little maze for you, buzzing, you'll be Jimmy: 🎨���🥇 Janis: and 💪 Janis: combination of our 💘s #SUCHgoals Jimmy: we did it, we merged!! 👏👏 Janis: 5 WHOLE 👂S!!!! Jimmy: can't top that, might as well turn that bus around and go home, mate Janis: Okay Keanu Jimmy: no dickhead can deny that outfit could stop traffic Janis: smooth Jimmy: til you 🤮 Janis: not gonna get that wasted, even if I look like 'em Jimmy: Duh pisshead, I meant from the hard braking Jimmy: and you don't look like them Janis: I'm 💪 Jimmy: SUCH an athlete, yeah, I've heard Jimmy: it were bollocks though, don't rub that in again, tah Janis: the 1994 film or my athleticism? Janis: either way, how DARE you Jimmy: Both obvs Jimmy: I'll dry your eyes if you do mine Janis: not hot Janis: 👎 Jimmy: weren't what I were going for Jimmy: you're on one, not me Janis: you're trying to get me to 🤬 Janis: but I've got Helena's 💊s so you can't bring me ⬇ Jimmy: say that again when I'm carrying you down them bus steps Janis: that won't look kidnappy at all Jimmy: is that you trying to put me off? Jimmy: have another go Janis: 👠 are great weapons Jimmy: nowt I don't already know Jimmy: had a girlfriend before Janis: sure she couldn't kick as well as me Janis: whatever you reckon Jimmy: no need, just chucked 'em at me instead Janis: under or over? Jimmy: @ her if you want tips Janis: no tah Janis: not that bitch that stalks all your exes to make sure they're fatter than me Jimmy: only got the one, wouldn't take you long Janis: yeah? Janis: still Janis: sounds delightful and my inbox is full enough Jimmy: mine an' all Jimmy: delighted for us, she is Janis: you probably can't tell her it's fake, yeah Janis: usually wouldn't be an issue with her being miles away but love to break that scandal by the sounds of Janis: 😬 Jimmy: weren't planning to tell her nowt Janis: if it gets her to 😶 Jimmy: less than nowt would do Janis: fairplay Janis: know the sort Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 is her sort Jimmy: why we were such a #goals match Janis: only like magnets Janis: you attract 💔🎻😭 Janis: clearly Jimmy: what I get for being SUCH a 😒🌧 lad Jimmy: just that northern Janis: teach you how to be ☀ obvs Jimmy: reckon you've got enough time, do you? Janis: reckon I'm that good Jimmy: it don't matter what you reckon, bighead Janis: rude Jimmy: you can't give yourself the 🏆 Janis: I'm the only one who's opinion I trust so Janis: seems fake Jimmy: that's me out of a job then and your Tory heart 💔 Janis: well I'm sure it'd be top goals to change my mind Jimmy: I wouldn't put any 💰 on it if I were you Jimmy: unless Mia's dad is paying Janis: probably LOVES gambling on poor kids Jimmy: goes without saying Janis: wonder if any of our other pals are gonna show Jimmy: Depends how selective she were with the invites Jimmy: be quality if she's betting on it just being me and her Janis: oh Christ, don't Jimmy: it's alright, I ain't worried about chucking her out of her own house Janis: that's easy regardless Janis: slightly smaller scale Janis: gotta secure her room asap, also goes without saying Jimmy: but you still said it Janis: it was thick, nor Northern, right? Jimmy: I know what I'm doing an' all Janis: I know Janis: I said you looked good too Jimmy: I heard what you said and I weren't 🎣 Janis: 🤏 Janis: but since you washed my mouth out I can't be any more descriptive than that o Janis: so* Jimmy: if I wanted you to say owt you'd know about it Janis: 👍 Jimmy: how far away are you? Janis: [when ages isn't even a pisstake] Jimmy: [oh that bus journey such good times to come] Janis: weren't exaggerating Jimmy: never said you were Jimmy: I just wanna know where to be Jimmy: ain't far to hers from mine, must be why she likes me Janis: if she knows where you live that's the least of your worries, no? Jimmy: 💀👑 bound to have told everybody by now Jimmy: been stalking me for ages, her Janis: least she's never been in your gaff Janis: far as you know Jimmy: I'd have found strands of hair or 🦷🦷 all about Janis: exactly Janis: clean-up is no joke Jimmy: unless the 🐕 ate 'em Jimmy: find me 💀💀💀 then Janis: not before me she won't Jimmy: I'll try and hang on for you, Jules Janis: least you could do Jimmy: my stamina being what it is, might take a lot Janis: ⬇side of having a 👴 fake boyfriend Jimmy: brb gotta screenshot that to sir so he knows his place Janis: cucked again Jimmy: #kinkfulfilled 💕 he's welcome Janis: your generosity is known, above and beyond, you Jimmy: it's been said before, your originality needs work Janis: you're the one censoring me Jimmy: only so you don't put words in my mouth Jimmy: when I wanna give you a compliment, there's loads on the tip of my 👅 Janis: conveniently you never do so how do I know that? Janis: 🧠📖? Jimmy: You never wanna take 'em more like Janis: Psh Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 only please and thanks Jimmy: *😭 Jimmy: as per Janis: Baby Jimmy: 🐻 Janis: that's why I'm trying to get you 😠 Jimmy: soon as we get there ✔ Janis: you make a handy pillow, say that Jimmy: and you wonder why I'm censoring you Janis: I'm well serious Janis: how am I meant to take a nap now Jimmy: poor baby Janis: 🥺 now Jimmy: I'll @ Helena see if she's got any uppers an' all Janis: fine Janis: scout the shoulder talent on this bus whilst you're at it Jimmy: not your pimp, remember Janis: delete the creeper shots then, shall I Janis: UGH Jimmy: do what you like, my dear Janis: naturally Jimmy: you've made me tired now, tah for that Janis: how weren't you anyway Jimmy: didn't have chance Janis: being 'round our peers is exhausting Janis: can't wait for this holiday to actually begin Jimmy: it's alright for you, I'll have to be around 'em more when it does Janis: yeah, that's shit Janis: only see the ones that cba to walk their dogs, and the gals, obvs Jimmy: least you won't have to see me walking ours Jimmy: if my sister don't do it, don't get done Janis: yeah, right silver-lining that Janis: 'cos I don't drink the shit you serve either Jimmy: soz I'm not a paid barman Janis: 💔 Jimmy: have to crack on with stealing Ian's 🥃 for a bit longer Jimmy: gutted though I am Janis: works for me Janis: I'll get on it with pulling my weight on that front Janis: know someone nearby, stop there first Jimmy: there won't be nowt left for you if you don't hurry up driving that bus, Sandra Jimmy: be a good shout Janis: Keanu would never Jimmy: @ him to take you to this party, don't bother me Janis: the ONE boy not in my DMs, would you believe 🤷 Jimmy: he'd never make a move either so I can, yeah Janis: what you saying, that I think you > keanu? Jimmy: I'm saying it don't matter how big your head is, he's too sad Jimmy: no ☀ for him Janis: 😭 on your level now Jimmy: soz that's your type, gotta be hard going Janis: he might be an outlier, all you know Jimmy: What's the fuck is that? Janis: like, he's an anomaly, one-of-a-kind-one-off and the rest of my 'type' is 👌 Jimmy: Like you said, for all I know Janis: as you said, not my pimp, so you don't need to know one way or the other Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: still weren't 🎣 you can calm down Jimmy: my rod is well away Janis: you're at home, yeah? Janis: so that is your business and your prerogative Janis: ⏲ not started Jimmy: very generous of you Janis: not 💭 about it or nothing Janis: 😇 Jimmy: you're far too tired, I know Janis: cheek of you Janis: you're the 👴 with NO stamina Jimmy: you're the one that were going on and ON about it Jimmy: giving it all that 🥺🥺🥺 Jimmy: which is a bit rude when there's nowt I can do to help Janis: would I set you up to fail? Janis: sounds fake Janis: you could entertain me Jimmy: Go on, how do you want me to wake you up? Janis: how do you reckon Jimmy: I reckon you should tell me Janis: even though you already know? Jimmy: if you reckon I do then there's no challenge saying it, is there? Janis: depends Jimmy: on what? Janis: if you reckon there's challenge in hearing it Jimmy: You reckon I wouldn't accept it if there were? Janis: Have to think on that Jimmy: til you fall asleep at any rate Janis: stop questioning my stamina! 😏 Jimmy: I ain't done once Jimmy: you said it Janis: I know Jimmy: I ain't trying to trick you into a Q&A or owt Jimmy: no questions Janis: damn, I LOVE talking about myself Jimmy: loads of better games if that's what you're after to stay awake though Janis: go on Jimmy: I dunno which of 'em if any are 🚍 appropriate Jimmy: unless you paddys play by different rules Janis: I'm sure I'm obligated to tell you our rules would only make it more inappropriate Janis: we can play at the party? Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: but we better keep it between me and you, no other dickhead's supposed to be threatened with a good time Janis: 'course Janis: know any 2-player games? Jimmy: I'll 💭 while you think on how I've never backed down from any challenge I heard yet Janis: dangerously close to a promise that you won't ever Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: Promise? Janis: Yeah, fuck knows Jimmy: or ever back down Janis: can't answer that, like Jimmy: you could Jimmy: don't sound like me, for a start Janis: alright Jimmy: say it like you fake mean it, babe Janis: I do mean it, dickhead Jimmy: that's better Janis: you've picked now to be hot about it Jimmy: you wanted entertaining Janis: I did Janis: not complaining Jimmy: aren't you? Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Jimmy: if this is the REAL bus driver, focus on the job at hand, dickhead Janis: he's well distracted tbh Janis: you know when they have their mate on for a chat? Janis: can't do that at any other job Jimmy: could chat to you when I'm serving ☕ if I wanted Janis: alright, smartarse Janis: only if I ordered, or your manager would be up in your face for slacking Jimmy: Yeah, I get it what you're on about, I'm not meant to, would be a decent reason to bother Janis: for you, definitely Jimmy: Oi Janis: what am I getting out of it Janis: beyond your delightful company Jimmy: What do you want? Janis: not a latte 💔 Janis: soz, your 🎨 like Jimmy: you don't need to support it, you inspire it Janis: 💘💘💘 Janis: could be worth coming in when 💀👑 squad is about Janis: not every time but, you know, at least a few Jimmy: lunch time is a good shout, they hang about for ages then Janis: yeah, alright, I'll find a day I can do that then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not ideal if I have to stand outside with the 🐕s obvs Jimmy: we can make it work Jimmy: there's massive windows they can 👀 us from Janis: goldfish bowl Janis: I know the vibe Janis: even if I'm anti it Jimmy: you won't have to say nowt nice to me, what more do you want? Janis: I'm always nice Jimmy: you won't have to say owt #goals to me then Jimmy: you know what I mean Janis: Yeah, I do Janis: already agreed and all, no need to work any harder, like Jimmy: ain't hard work and even if it were, not the lazy git you keep saying Janis: now you're 🎣 Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: not letting you slag me off ain't the same as being after a compliment Janis: what I reckon don't matter anyway, apparently Jimmy: only when it comes to 🏆 Jimmy: I give 'em, you get 'em Jimmy: that were all I said Janis: 👍 Jimmy: don't be a dickhead about it Janis: I'm not Janis: focusing on driving Jimmy: I get it 💣 weren't your top 💀💀💀 Janis: always you, babes Jimmy: I'll keep it more personal 💕 I remember that's how you wanted it Janis: how much do you remember, exactly? 🤔 Jimmy: 🔪 'cause it were more personal, that were it Janis: 💣 for one person is just overkill Jimmy: it'd do the whole 🚍 don't worry Janis: boy, you're special Janis: not going 'round 💀💀💀 everyone willy nilly Jimmy: Alright, that were a nice thing to say, I'll give you that Janis: romantic, you said Jimmy: Yeah Janis: you care what you drink or what? Jimmy: or what Janis: ✔ answer Jimmy: weren't a real question, you saw me drink Ms Burke's Janis: can afford to be a bit more selective, is why I asked Janis: but can't get more than a bottle so Jimmy: we'll rinse this lass when we get there Janis: standard Janis: if she were just expecting you, might be champagne Jimmy: who does she think I am? Janis: someone to treat right, OBVS Janis: long as she's done the chocolate covered strawberries too, might go a bit easier on her Jimmy: you can have them, I'll say I'm allergic Janis: you're adorable Jimmy: might be, we don't have 🍓 in the north Janis: leave the 🎻 story at the door though Janis: trying be less likable, remember Jimmy: long as I've got you to keep on reminding me, be alright Janis: ha, funny 🖕 Jimmy: I'm well serious, I need your help Janis: 'cos I'm such a dick, yeah, I know Jimmy: 'cause she is and you've got 🥇💡 Janis: got vodka Janis: safest bet Janis: be at that bus stop in under 10 Jimmy: Already there Janis: 😇 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Janis: 😇🚬 I'll allow Jimmy: *😈🚬 Janis: Prove it Jimmy: Alright Janis: alright Jimmy: in under 10 Jimmy: however you want Janis: however? Jimmy: you heard Janis: [show up and do a dramatic run (careful) off this bus to even more dramatically kiss him, like clearly this party is quite central so MAYBE someone is walking past, who can be sure, but lbr the excuse is only an afterthought if he asks at this point lol] Jimmy: [sitting her at this bus stop because do be careful babe because we're on a 'mission' before we get there and it's to add any lovebites where there aren't in any skin you can see when she's wearing that lewk but of course that's not extra enough so he has to go over her others too starting at her neck and being very thorough obvs but they've had like no time to fade at all so he's just kissing her shamelessly, we all know it] Janis: [such extra but real reactions as if it hasn't been the hottest of secs since you saw each other, grant you you did get interrupted but maybe not your brightest idea to start this in public when you got places to be, love it] Jimmy: [you two are the best] Janis: [we could always have someone from school go by, a lad like wheyyyyy, but letting you have this for now] Jimmy: [give you a minute but not long enough for this to get out of hand] Janis: [we know we're immediately moving to sit on him instead] Jimmy: [I fully support that even if it means it's easier for you two to go too hard in public lol] Janis: [start as you mean to go on lowkey] Jimmy: [we ain't even gonna make it to this club energy again, we know where your daughter gets it from in the future lads] Janis: [mhmm, blame your lack of chill on them girl, it's valid] Jimmy: [none of your kids have any chill romantically and we all know it] Janis: [the trouble they get in 'cos of...damn you and your romcom romance JJ] Jimmy: [it makes me die cos they are the two characters least likely to start in a romcom] Janis: [we did that boo] Jimmy: [anyway get out of this bus stop before you give some old lady a heart attack, gotta dramatically carry her into this party like she's your bride, sucks to suck gal whose it is] Janis: [not invited, turns up like cleopatra lmao] Jimmy: [also drink some of your vodka on the way babe you've gotta catch up to him cos he's been dipping into Ian's stash] Janis: [bleurgh straight vodka but yes, kill those tastebuds] Jimmy: [I literally could not but you two are not me thankfully] Janis: [shoutout to fearghal for giving you a bottle for free 'cos that's the kind of granddad he is, just the one though] Jimmy: [he's a soft touch but not a mug and we stan] Janis: [just discussing the plan here but being saucy snuggly in-between 'we're gonna have to be social, I reckon, to properly make sure it all goes to shit' sad face like ugh] Jimmy: [such a dramatic ugh reaction of his own that isn't even fake cos he's antisocial af but nods because she's right] Janis: ['we'll find time...still need breaks, right' going for his pocket so you can get a 🚬 to pass back and forth 'cos no sense not sharing when you are this close rn] Jimmy: ['how long have you been lying to me then?' cos she was a mind reader there] Janis: ['just so cool, it's known' 🙄😏] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: ['unless you're talking about all the other lies, then-' does a 😬 and puts a finger to his lips like shh] Jimmy: [being saucy with that finger cos you walked into that one gal] Janis: ['don't drop me' as if he's the one being affected rn] Jimmy: [holds her tighter like I won't but also just because] Janis: [giving him such a LOOK 'cos we out here looking good feeling better] Jimmy: [forever giving her a LOOK back because likewise and also that selfie did not do justice to how either of them look IRL] Janis: [lord knows I probably don't have one so fully use your imagination here lol] Jimmy: [we know they are both serving that's all that matters] Janis: [as if you don't show up everyone else without trying] Jimmy: [that's the tea, better have you show up cos it's probably not far] Janis: [just being like omg hi and so friendly 'cos can't know it's you two, even though you literally wanna murder this girl for shading you] Jimmy: [using all your barista charm because if you can do it for the Mia's of the world you can do it for anyone and holding onto her still even when you put her down l like I got you gal cos you're a team and you know she's fuming] Janis: [you really thought he was gonna ditch her the second he got off the bus for you like??? ok miss deluded] Jimmy: [some people really love themselves and think they're the shit] Janis: [tea, @Mia 'cos she's lowkey so average looking no offense to the actress lol] Jimmy: [and lbr you also thought he just wanted to hook up with her and then he'd be onto the next like how rude on so many levels] Janis: [we know that is how most teen boys operate but they were going in for the 💘 ting] Jimmy: [my soft boy would never] Janis: [the cheek, so, what's the first step into making this party shit I wonder] Jimmy: [well if there was hardly any booze/it ran out too soon that'd ruin it but they can't single handedly drink it all so they might have to hide it or something lol] Janis: [that's a good idea, or tip it if we being really shamelessly shady] Jimmy: [hide the stuff you want in a bush or something to grab later and pour the shit you don't down the sink] Janis: [good plan, leave the really basic wine coolers and shit beers] Jimmy: [mhmm, no loss there, and obvs you can drink plenty of the good shit too but no need to give yourselves alcohol poisoning on what you think is your last night together potentially] Janis: [just acting like that's all she's supplied like idk what to tell you lads, and being generous with your bottle that is somehow not going down lol lol] Jimmy: [god bless, I'm trying to think how else they could mess shit up without it being obvious hmmm] Janis: [shit tunes shit tunes, even shit by other people's standards that mysteriously keep getting put on] Jimmy: [gotta be a sneaky 👻 Jimothy, great idea babe, also keep getting turned up so loud the neighbours will be fuming even when the hostess turns them down] Janis: [100%, also easy to trash this gaff sneakily without anyone else having the fun of actually doing it 'cos no one is wasted or vibing] Jimmy: [wonderful throwback mems to when they were trashing Mia's room on the trip pre-hook up so I approve] Janis: [think about that, lads, allowed to get distracted momentarily] Jimmy: [proud of you for not getting distracted sooner tbh, shows how much this gal offended you] Janis: [guess you've not been allowed to dance or be alone 'cos setting the shit awkward mood of this party but still, well done] Jimmy: [I have a glorious mental image of peeps leaving like well this is shit] Janis: [damage you done to your rep just by being a rude hoe, think on] Jimmy: [Mia and Pablo have to rock up though cos a shit party is what you deserve] Janis: [ugh couple of the year alert lmao, Pablo is so rude he'll be over it the minute he arrives] Jimmy: [at least Janis won't have to deal with him long] Janis: [pretending to be nice to him is something we're not doing] Jimmy: [that's too far and we all know it, likewise Grace is ignoring you assuming she's there too boy] Janis: [she could be, we just said the flat whites weren't letting her get ready with them but she coulda still showed] Jimmy: [shown up with some boy that Mia didn't sanction to annoy her most likely haha] Janis: [what a party this has been for all] Jimmy: [Jimothy just like this might be the last fake dating moment we have and this is what we're doing ffs] Janis: [not going out with a bang here] Jimmy: [not even close] Janis: so 🥱 I'm on my phone Janis: ✔ Jimmy: bit rude that I'm your last resort Janis: that is partially your fault Jimmy: What have I done? Janis: made this party so 🥱 Janis: duh Jimmy: that were her Jimmy: nowt to do with me Janis: 😏 right, 'course Jimmy: Gotta be a room you can get some 💤 in, we ain't trashed the place floor to ceiling Janis: wanna go look? Janis: can't bear having 👀s on my siblings any longer Jimmy: [picks her up like come on gal let's go] Janis: ['didn't do her sister's room'] Jimmy: [heading in what he assumes is the right direction, but we know what his sense of direction is like] Janis: [pointing with your hands like indicators loling] Jimmy: [thanks for directing us bae] Janis: [like to think her sister is younger/not as much of a dick, hence we didn't trash her room] Jimmy: [agreed, we've got nothing against you hun, putting her down on this bed] Janis: ['you're sleepy too' we telling not asking okay] Jimmy: [a little lol but we're getting into a sleeping position like okay babe] Janis: [bringing up the bottle between you like a baby clove and taking a drink before offering him some] Jimmy: [taking a drink cos why not] Janis: ['you'll sleep well now' and closing his eyes like there there] Jimmy: [snuggling her like now I shall] Janis: [getting comfy 'Bill is gonna be fuming, like'] Jimmy: ['He's dramatic, there's always something with him'] Janis: ['far as endings go though...' trailing off 'well, no one's dead, are they'] Jimmy: ['not the end yet though, is it?' Thank god his eyes are still closed cos we all know where he's going with that question 'and this lass might do herself in when it is'] Janis: ['just prefer putting it out of it's misery' but that doesn't align with the plan so you can't, shamelessly looking at him in the meantime] Jimmy: [opens his eyes 'I know' because you do get it] Janis: [lowkey jumping when he does, then pushing him away playfully before he can even take the piss] Jimmy: [chucks a cushion at her cos I imagine this girl has loads] Janis: ['oi!' and using it as a weapon] Jimmy: ['Oi yourself' we just playfighting now as per] Janis: ['if you want it to look like you've messed up my hair, do it properly'] Jimmy: [pulls her hair in that meant to be pisstakey but actually really saucy way he has before on the trip] Janis: [when the reaction you have betrays you before you've even replied 'I mean, if that's the best you can do'] Jimmy: [goes harder because of the reaction more than the challenge of what she said but we can pretend that's why] Janis: [biting our lip so hard, probably bright red] Jimmy: [running his thumb over her bottom lip like don't cos you shamelessly wanna hear her even though you can't pretend anyone else would be able to, however shit this party is] Janis: ['you're- you aren't terrible at this, you know'] Jimmy: ['you're alright an' all' but we're saying it with more feeling than the words suggest] Janis: ['then let's do it some more' not clear if you mean like, right now, or let's keep doing this whole thing but you know] Jimmy: [when you just nod cos either way you're like yeah] Janis: [we kissing him] Jimmy: [pulling her into you via a hair pull to keep that going and making out for a while which gives you an idea and telling her you've thought of a 2 person game like she wanted and it's that one where you have to keep kissing without stopping but you're not allowed to touch and the first person who does loses] Janis: [groaning like that will be so hard but nodding 'cos duh challenge accepted] Jimmy: [the real question being who do we want to give in first? haha] Janis: [hmm, she did fall off the assault course last so give it to him this time I reckon] Jimmy: [fair that was very shaming for her, you can survive this a lot easier boy] Janis: [we all know this is not a real loss either way lol] Jimmy: [exactly so you can't pout for long] Janis: [esp when she tells you what she wants for winning] Jimmy: [saucy behaviour is afoot] Janis: [not gonna be rood and cockblock you twice in such a space of time] Jimmy: [yeah we won't be that rude] Janis: [as you have to see this party out to the bitter end, even if that's sooner than usual] Jimmy: [and LORD what fun that will be] Janis: [gonna say Pablo has fucked off so Mia is raging/fake crying somewhere now] Jimmy: [I support that wholeheartedly, would also love if Grace has left with whatever lad she came with because Mia will hate that and also it means she don't have to deal] Janis: [we know everyone is jumping ship here[ Jimmy: [it's gonna be jj and this girl soon lol] Janis: [lordt] Jimmy: [not having a 3way with you hun] Janis: [when you probably pretending it was such a casual everyone was invited mood now 'cos you being ignored lowkey] Jimmy: [that's what you get for being a dick] Janis: 👻👻👻 Jimmy: Tah for your permission to properly ghost her Jimmy: she's 👀 at me still Janis: just don't leave without me Janis: not after that bonding moment Jimmy: I carried you in, gotta carry you out an' all Janis: 👶💀 Jimmy: What kind of insult are you trying to chuck at me there? Janis: from the womb to the tomb is what that sounded like Janis: v poetic Jimmy: we'd have to do loads more bollocks Q&A's before we can make any of these dickheads believe I've known you that long Jimmy: but if you want a poem, piss easy that Janis: not looking to do or make you do that crash course Janis: know you love being artsy though so go ahead with that, like Jimmy: you've pissed on the flashcards summing up my 🎻🎻 life in a line or a drawing Jimmy: 💔 poem coming up Janis: Poor boy Janis: upload the draw my life for more views more appreciation Jimmy: ain't #goals or #dramatic enough before you got involved, girl Jimmy: no need Janis: how rude Jimmy: it's LITERALLY a compliment Janis: half a fake compliment, maybe Jimmy: I'll give you a real one if you know how to fuck with her speakers, no music would be the final ⚰🔨 Janis: easy Janis: just be distracting to 👀 at Jimmy: easier Jimmy: [I like to imagine he's like hey everyone who's still here come and play some random drinking game rn] Janis: [and you will know how to take apart electronics in a way that she won't be able to work out what's happened so have at it] Janis: [if that's in the lounge, going out that window then in the backdoor if they're in the kitchen say like just been smoking what's good] Jimmy: [team effort because he's blatantly pretending this drinking game is so northern he has to explain the rules but really he's just making it up on the spot and then as he goes along] Janis: [just watching like 😏] Jimmy: [just loving life cos he can make people do whatever he wants lowkey, what a fun way to get back at that girl by making her drink something gross and then being like ?? when the music stops #givehimanoscar] Janis: [the power, we're never as thrilled to be at a party than when we're fucking it up] Jimmy: can we go now then or what? Janis: I reckon Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: [picks her up cos he weren't joking about carrying her out] Janis: [toodle-o, hoe] Jimmy: [get those bottles and give them to the bae to hold while you carry her far far away from this shit show] Janis: [do not fall now or you'll both be dead lol] Jimmy: [we should say there are other people from the party at the park cos we said it wasn't far from his house to hers and it'll give them an excuse to be extra] Janis: [ahh teens hanging in parks, a standard] Jimmy: [sit on a swing together lads] Janis: [have some more booze now you can without looking suspish] Jimmy: [yeah you probably haven't had that much cos too busy being sneaky and ruining things] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: better than 🍾 Janis: you? Jimmy: [shows her all the shade that everyone is throwing about this party so she'll be happy] Janis: [loling and scrolling 'good'] Jimmy: [a genuine smile cos she's buzzing and he's glad and genuine 😍 for the laugh] Janis: ['gutted can't stalk Mia's bloke for the reverse revenge pics' just swinging and passing his phone back] Jimmy: ['which one?' because honestly] Janis: [rolls eyes but @ her 'true' adding 'not her dad though, that shit is well easy to find' 'cos a shameless cheat] Jimmy: [taking a big drink and lighting a 🚬 like that's so gross I need both of these things but we just living our best lives tbh] Janis: ['always a party with you, is it' so not a question but realizing how gay that sounds as a statement lol] Jimmy: [blows smoke rings at her sassily like yes it is] Janis: [😏 and taking his bottle, even if you have your own] Jimmy: [allowing it because there are peeps around but allowing it really because he is #whipped] Jimmy: bit rude Janis: bit thirsty Janis: [big swig like see] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: shut up Jimmy: I didn't say owt, it were you Janis: [pushing him but in a playful way 'cos 1. we not mad 2. we don't wanna fall 3. peeps be here] Janis: you knew what I meant Jimmy: [pulls her hair playfully cos throwback to earlier and also pisstake that he thinks she did mean it in a saucy way] Janis: [we are 😳] Janis: oi Jimmy: [looking at her so innocently like ? but boy you know] Janis: [pulling his hair like how do you like it like probably a lot okay then] Jimmy: [we kissing her before any sounds can escape like that will keep it such a mystery, Jimothy I think she still knows you're about it] Janis: [subtly putting her hands up for that mem like, still winning] Jimmy: [little lol because she's funny and we can't be mad] Janis: [return them 😍] Jimmy: [just looking at her because she's so beautiful it's rude] Janis: what? Jimmy: what? Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: ? Janis: ❓ Janis: never mind Jimmy: never mind what? Janis: [exasperated half-lol thing 'stop it'] Jimmy: [writes stop what? on her skin with a fingertip] Janis: [pretends it tickled loads as an excuse to wriggle and generally be distracting] Jimmy: [now we're LOOKING at her and it's a very different #mood] Janis: ['that's what'] Jimmy: [drawing so many ? all over her but really softly so it will actually tickle this time] Janis: [dying like 'alright, alright!'] Jimmy: [holding onto her under the pretence that we don't want her to fall which we don't but also just that bitch™] Janis: ['you're such a dickhead, you know' but softly] Jimmy: ['you're-' so soft it's like did you even say anything sir] Janis: ['well, don't start this again' like we've only just stopped ???ing boy] Jimmy: ['but you're just-' like I can't help it gal cos lbr he can't] Janis: ['you're taking the piss'] Jimmy: [shrugs because probably but again we can't overstate how much he is not trying to and doesn't mean to but also how hard it is to use words] Janis: [fake punches his jaw like oh you, 'cos gonna ignore it either way] Jimmy: [playfully pushes her but very soft] Janis: ['push me on this swing and make yourself useful'] Jimmy: [does obviously] Janis: [living your best life] Jimmy: [so much so we know y'all are gonna stay even when these peeps fuck off cos you don't wanna go home ever anyways] Janis: [definitely, we all know you weren't just here like carrying on the show, duh] Jimmy: [I vote for rain for those Jimmy: mems] Janis: [not out of the question is it, and remember when they got under the jungle gym moment and did drawings, that, ty] Jimmy: [yeah cos it's literally april so and 100% because that was iconic and we need it] Janis: [run babies run but not really 'cos who cares, you aren't going to freeze, even if your lewk is probably skimpy gal, so frolic in the rain for a bit] Jimmy: [we all know it's a #mood and he will keep you warm if needed gal] Janis: [grabbing the stash and taking it under this climbing frame when you finally do take shelter 'cos #priorities] Jimmy: [giving her whatever jacket you have on because that's the kind of fake boyfriend you are] Janis: [searching the pockets like you're looking for 💊s and then miming 💔] Jimmy: [🎻 mime] Janis: ['letdown' but snuggling into the jacket] Jimmy: [starting the doodle sesh by doing the JJ love heart without even really thinking about it] Janis: [writes some shade that that girl or the flat whites would write underneath] Jimmy: [writes the kind of reply he would write if it was a post on socials] Janis: [a realistic looking 💔 with a 🔪 in it] Jimmy: [we just drinking and nodding appreciatively at her 🎨 but then we're drawing Bill's ghost] Janis: [😏 and taking our share as we ponder our 🎨 reply, drawing some 💀s under his feet with flatwhite identifiers, like Grace's weave etc] Jimmy: [draws a 💭 for him and writes 'far as endings go....' like she said earlier and then draws a Janis hanging off the end of the bubble ready to put anyone out of their misery who isn't dead] Janis: [genuine smile, draws a cartoon him peeping over said 💭 with a pen and paper like he's copying Bill's #poetry] Jimmy: [draws a ghost version of himself floating  and crosses out the word endings because still doesn't want any of this to] Janis: [draws an arrow to the book in his cartoon hands and writes 'once upon a time...'] Jimmy: [draws it raining Helena's pills but writes 'letdown' on each pill and puts an umbrella over what she's just written like gotta protect the 🎨 but not over the cartoon JJ or ghost him cos they tough] Janis: [draws a very over-exaggerated Helena 'cos probably not that memorable or noticeable with her mouth open like gimme] Jimmy: [draws a skeleton hand coming up like Mia's gonna snatch them all] Janis: [draws herself jumping down to stamp on said skelly hand] Jimmy: [😏 and then chewing on this pen looking cute doing it obvs but then draws a phone in Mia's hand with a speech bubble coming out like it's her dad talking and threatening to sue etc] Janis: [#distracted af for a hot sec, finally drawing a bored af looking uber booby stickwoman on the other end of the phone like it's a sexline] Jimmy: [we just loling soz to be more distracting gal] Janis: [just adding tears to all the Mia's up here rn] Jimmy: [drawing Mia's dad creepily crawling down the length of this drawing area like he's gotta get to her but there's loads of heartbroken secretaries holding onto his legs and climbing over each other and fighting] Janis: [shudders but also proper lols 'too real' and then sketches out various hunger games ways they can kill each other off to be the winner] Jimmy: [adds his dad peeping like he's gonna snatch the winner and you know it's him because he looks lowkey like Jimothy and he's wearing a t-shirt that says @iantaylor8 on it] Janis: [draws a new Mia 👀 like any dad will do] Jimmy: [does his own shudder and takes a big drink but gives this Mia a crown and a sash that says like world's greatest step mum on it or something like that] Janis: [draws him but like a baby version in various situations with her being the Worst ever, like dropping him on his head etc] Jimmy: [when you start thinking about your mum so you're just having a moment ™] Jimmy: [casually downing so much of this booze suddenly] Janis: [not not noticing but we're not doing anything or saying anything either] Jimmy: [going to 🚬 whether it's stopped raining or not like gotta gooooooo] Janis: [when you're outside so you simply do not boy but pop off, just like wtafffffff over here] Jimmy: [soz gal we gotta moodily sit on this swing and be in our emotions and I'm 100% saying it's still raining so its even more like wtf boy] Janis: are you alright? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: would you prefer I ask what's wrong? Jimmy: how is that any different? Janis: you can yes or no the first Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Janis: I'm not Jimmy: I'm not doing a Q&A with you at the minute Janis: Alright Jimmy: just leave it out Janis: I said, okay Janis: [getting up like I'll be off then and gathering whatever shit you have] Jimmy: [just looking at her because you don't want her to go but you can't be like DON'T so it's v awkward] Janis: [shaking your head 'cos no more ?s] Jimmy: [passing her your 🚬 that you haven't even lit yet like that'll fix everything] Janis: [looking at it like what even but not going 'cos you can also be a headfuck, we aren't pretending otherwise] Jimmy: [shivering because she has your jacket on so you're just out here in a t-shirt like but not moving because we're very closed off rn] Janis: [chucking it at him and going back to your little den moment like you forget something, but just sitting there on your phone like okay] Jimmy: as endings go Jimmy: I'm not having that one Jimmy: makes me look like a right twat, don't you think? Janis: could do better Janis: probably be the note, yeah Jimmy: ✔ Jimmy: [comes back in and chucks her the jacket back like you'll need this if you're going but we know he just is soz] Janis: you're cold, don't be an idiot Jimmy: you might be an' all, I still don't read minds Janis: wouldn't have given it to you if I were Janis: not that nice, or at all Janis: [throwing it vaguely in his direction] Jimmy: [puts it back on her 'just that stubborn' because he is likewise that stubborn obvs lol but his voice is soft and so are his 👀] Janis: [just looking back at him 'finished having your strop now?' but as a genuine question and as soft 'cos like, no idea what that was] Jimmy: [pulling her hair out of the hood or collar of this jacket whichever it has as softly 'I don't care if I freeze to death' the unspoken implication being that he cares if she does BYE 'but if you don't rate it, we can do something else'] Janis: [just being the most still whilst this is happening, biting your lip 'cos softness, what 'go on'] Jimmy: ['I could tell you about how I didn't mean to be such a dickhead there or I could show you, it's up to you, that' the eye contact be like] Janis: [shrugs like you're so unphased either way but not breaking that eye contact 'you aren't much of a talker'] Jimmy: [kissing her on every lovebite like he did at the bus stop but a lot more indecently than you can do when you're in public, taking his time, playing particular attention to anywhere saucy af because why not eventually go down on a girl for the first time in a playground at night in the rain when you're trying to say sorry and give her something to remember you by #peakromance] Janis: [just saying his name like you literally never have, then after, saying 'I've never done that before' 'cos that #shook but he could take that to mean a number of things so you're fine lol] Jimmy: ['me either' with a shrug like it's really casual because true, you can have that first time gal] Janis: ['in a park, like' and pushing a swing like you've only just remembered where you are, low-key looking around like those people are definitely gone] Jimmy: [sits on said swing like push me then] Janis: [does, 'cos his turn] Jimmy: [looks over his shoulder at her ankle like don't hurt yourself] Janis: [rolls her eyes like, weren't worried about that five seconds ago boy] Jimmy: [rolls his own back at her but with 😏] Janis: [pushing him extra high 'jump off and you can join me'] Jimmy: [does jump off because challenge accepted but thankfully doesn't hurt himself because don't need to be #matching] Janis: [fussing after him like he has] Jimmy: [just having a drink like he's so tough and not at all a soft boy] Janis: [looking through your phone then grinning at something on socials 'I've got a surprise for you'] Jimmy: [just looking at her like ?] Janis: [showing him a snap from the girl to her story about her parents coming home and freaking out 'cos trashed 'text 'em, when I was doing the music' more of a surprise for you gal 'cos you're buzzing but sure] Jimmy: [SUCH a genuinely happy grin, we're falling in love again over here, cos the bae is so impressive] Janis: ['literally no chance of her hitting you up for a solo party now, even if she had no shame, like' grinning back 'cos he's so cute] Jimmy: ['as fake girlfriend's go, you were a top first pick' because as close as we can get rn to saying you like her 'tah for that'] Janis: ['who was your second?'] Jimmy: [shakes his head because he didn't have one and first place or nowt is forever the motto] Janis: [😏] Jimmy: [nudges her 'alright bighead, shut up' even though she didn't say anything] Janis: 'seen not heard?' raises a brow 'very retro'] Jimmy: ['I'm not my dad' shrugs as if that's not vitally important to him] Janis: ['mores the pity, I'm sure' and going to climb the climbing frame now] Jimmy: [follows her in case she needs a hand/falls off cos it's wet and he knows it'll annoy her and that's the excuse we're sticking with] Janis: ['not closing my eyes this time, you're alright' inspecting other people's graffiti efforts with disdain] Jimmy: [chucks her the pen] Janis: [correcting spelling and crossing out the slander you don't fuck with and writing more that you do like that's better 'Lucas would be so proud'] Jimmy: [takes a picture to send to him 'what were his @ again?'] Janis: [genuine 🤔 'something about virgin schoolgirls, can't quite remember'] Jimmy: [exaggerated sigh like ugh fuck's sake 'there's loads of them' but then shrugs 'you'll have to show him'] Janis: ['got a date for 3 weeks time, ain't we' shrugs back] Jimmy: ['you have' cos we're not expecting to be here] Janis: ['he wishes it were solo'] Jimmy: ['you can keep Bill's ghost for a chaperone'] Janis: ['well helpful, him' shakes her head 'end up a ghost before the first session is out myself'] Jimmy: ['what's the matter with that?'] Janis: [little laugh, 'no offense, ghost boy'] Jimmy: ['I get it, reckon undead is better than dead dead, do you?' like that's the kind of snobby vampire she is] Janis: ['don't you?' and LOOKS pointedly at all the lovebites she's done] Jimmy: [looks at her like you have your moments but then LOOKS at her and where they were in their little den like so do I] Janis: [nudges him 'shut up'] Jimmy: [🤐 mime] Janis: [looks down at the den 'don't be hasty...' and mimes unzipping his lips but climbing down like you got somewhere to be] Jimmy: [follows her being deliberately quiet about it lol] Janis: [turns 'round like 'scuse me but when we put out our hand to stop him, we leave it resting on his chest 'where you going now?'] Jimmy: [just looking at her hand and back up at her and then at her lips but we all know he isn't reading them] Janis: [moving a bit closer, putting our other arm 'round his shoulders, 'it was annoying, having to ignore you and talk to other people-' moving closer still, 'til your face is right up in his '-when I'd rather be not talking with you'] Jimmy: [doing that thing he always does where he pulls her closer somehow whenever you think they're as close as they can get] Janis: [whispering even though there's no need bar proximity rn 'I've stayed here before, it's alright, like' saying it like not a suggestion but not not a suggestion too] Jimmy: [when you can't stop yourself from looking in the direction of your house because it's literally over the road even though it's the last place you ever wanna be and then looking back at her as if you'd never looked away and nodding] Janis: [shrugs like it's really casual 'no bus back my way now anyway, so I weren't going home'] Jimmy: [takes her hand and leads her back to their little den and around it like he's doing a house tour because he's a nerd] Janis: ['snug, but well decorated' and smiles '3 out of 5 stars'] Jimmy: [draws those 3 out of 5 stars and writes her review out underneath with her name deliberately wrong and ❌ out loads of times] Janis: [writes her @ and rolls her eyes like honestly 'kill you to give me some promo?'] Jimmy: [📷 mime like he's doing a photoshoot] Janis: [🖕 at him 'cos classy] Jimmy: [takes a real photo of her because amused] Janis: ['oi' 'cos it is dark and we all know flash is a one, as if you won't still look good] Jimmy: [posts it because she does look great and tags that girl in it because he's rude] Janis: ['took a lot more photos when it last rained' we all remembering here] Jimmy: [looks at his imaginary watch and up at the sky like we've got loads of time] Janis: ['shows no sign of stopping' as if you're the kind of person who makes small talk about the weather] Jimmy: [breaks his silence to tell her to 'come here' because such a him thing to do] Janis: [crawling over so she's resting between his legs 'yeah?'] Jimmy: [takes some more pics of her like the art hoe he is so we can all pretend the lip bite is purely in concentration] Janis: ['can't say you aren't dedicated' purposefully doing the most] Jimmy: ['or that you're not inspiring' we can all imagine how his voice sounds] Janis: ['just my job' when likewise the tone is saying everything but] Jimmy: ['someone's gotta do it' but looking at her cos we all know he's glad it's her] Janis: [puts ☝️ up like, you said, first choice] Jimmy: ['you were' because it's true and obvious anyway by this point] Janis: ['let me show you why'] Jimmy: [casually stop breathing because she's the hottest person ever and makes you die] Janis: [return that favour gal] Jimmy: [say 'fuck' for that throwback] Janis: ['never done that, either'] Jimmy: ['I'll knock you a trophy up if you give me a bit of time' when you're not even taking the piss it was just that 🔥] Janis: [cuddles into him like, I can wait] Jimmy: [holding onto her really tightly because you don't wanna let go ever but you still think you've gotta] Janis: ['you cold?' 'cos you do have a hoodie between you 'so, again, somehow getting closer] Jimmy: [we taking the shameless excuse to snuggle and running with it] Janis: [can probably leave this night here?] Jimmy: [we've covered a lot of ground and it'll probably be long cos has the last bit of the school trip on it too so yeah] Janis: [can fall asleep here for a bit, no need for any further drama] Jimmy: [until he wakes up and she's already gone anyway lol lol lol] Janis: [that's the next convo baby]

[thelittleredheadedmusician]

We Won’t Eat Our Words

For @newsies-strike-day I thought it only appropriate to do a Newsies centric fic in my crooked politician au since I did a les mis one for barricade day. You don’t have to read the rest of the series for this, it’s written as a standalone. Special thank you to @rum-on-fire  who is definitely NOT part of the newsies fandom (though they have their green card to stay in the rabbit hole lol) and very helpfully betaed and edited this. Title, inspiration, and recommended listening: Monster by dodie w/ assit from 100 Bad Days by AJR. Rating: PG Words: 4,959 AO3

Katherine collapsed onto her bed still fully clothed, needing to work up the energy to even put her pajamas on. She’d spent the day setting up her new apartment – since she’d be needing one after next year anyway her parents had kindly agreed to foot the bill for a small studio near school until she graduated and would start paying the rent herself – and was thoroughly exhausted as a result.

Her mom had insisted on hiring movers for hauling her possessions from their uptown brownstone to the downtown apartment and for bringing up all the furniture. Katherine had insisted on actually putting everything away herself and so the two had spent the Saturday doing just that before her mom called a cab and they drove home. She was so tired she almost regretted just not spending the night, but she was waiting to start living there until after the cable guys came and set her wifi up on Monday.

Kath held her phone aloft in front of her, thumb hovering over the call button for a friend from D.C. She had just enough mental capacity to talk over final details for his visit the next weekend. Before Katherine could hit the button her bedroom door flung open, causing her to let her hand drop as she turned to see who it was.

Her father stood there, back straight and chin out, still in his pressed business suit at the time SNL would be showing the second performance of their musical guest had it not been the middle of July.

Kath swung her legs off the bed and used the momentum to push herself up into a seated position. She let her face fall into the cool neutral expression she reserved for interactions with her father, tilting her head and lifting her eyebrow incrementally to show her question at his barging in.

Joseph Pulitzer stepped exactly two paces into the raspberry walled room. Transferring his polished loafers from the dark burgundy of the hall rug to her cream carpeting. He pulled his tablet out from under his arm and with an economical flick of his wrist held the screen out to her.

“What’s this?” He demanded.

Forced to get up, Katherine crossed the short distance to meet him and take the tablet from his hands. She was confused at first, not understanding what he was referring to. Then she recognized the website that had been pulled up.

Thanks to the Newsies’ recognition for election coverage – which Katherine’s blog posts from D.C. had no small part in – the writing blog that she’d set up her junior year of high school had seen a flood of traffic. She’d decided to capitalize on it and turn the site into a writing portfolio. With the help of Elmer the web design wizard she’d managed to embed articles and videos from three different news sites. Specs and Davey had helped her to curate a sense of professionalism; balancing her more personal, opinionated blog posts with her news writing from the school paper, the more frivolous reviews from her time interning in the Arts section at The Sun, and the work she did as an intern for CNN in the fall. The site looked good.

Katherine looked up from the tablet to her father, a frown tightening the corners of her mouth and dragging her brows together. “It’s my portfolio. My writing portfolio.”

Snatching the tablet from her hands Joe scoffed. He swiped at the screen, scrolling to something before tapping with a controlled sort of violence.

“What?” Katherine demanded. Her blood was starting to boil and her earlier exhaustion had burned off as a result.

“You actually believe that this shows your skills? And don’t get me started on the complete lack of journalistic integrity.”

His sneer actually knocked her back, causing her to stumble.

“Excuse me?”

Joe flipped the tablet around again, showing the research articles that she’d put together for the Newsies. He sent the page scrolling.

“You actually think that you can be unbiased and yet remain in bed with your little activist group?”

Katherine’s lip curled at her father’s choice of words. Her hands had closed into fists and she only realized they had when she felt her chipped manicure biting into her palms.

“If you had been paying attention at all you would know that we have been praised for being non-partisan and unbiased. But that would mean you actually cared enough to pay attention to me,” she spat.

Her father’s expression turned stony. Any emotion that she might have been able to detect was shuttered behind judgmental eyes and a cruel mouth and harsh brows.

“You might think that you can skate by on talent and charm alone Katherine, in fact this little display proves you think exactly that, but no one is trawling the internet for hires,” he sniffed. “I certainly don’t. I would never hire you.”

For a second Katherine’s heart stopped. Her father’s words ringing in her ears. When it started again she drew herself up to her full height and met his gaze.

“Well it’s a good thing I never expected you to. You see the name at the top of the page? Katherine Plumber. Not Pulitzer, Plumber. Everything there I did myself and I didn’t even need you. I don’t need you to give me a job either. What you hold in your hand does more to prove that than any point you think you’re trying to make. I don’t need your name or your judgement and I certainly don’t need to stand here and listen to you insult me.”

Joe seemed stunned. Katherine used this to her advantage, already moving towards her bathroom and pulling her toothbrush, toothpaste, and birth control pills from the cabinet. She tossed them into the travel case she kept under the sink and then followed with her hairbrush and some makeup and bobby pins, hair ties and travel sized body wash, shampoo, and conditioner.

When Kath walked back out Joe still hadn’t moved. She tossed the case into her backpack. She moved to grab up her pajamas and they and her laptop and charger followed suit. She wouldn’t need the clothes she’d laid out for the next day but she pulled them off her desk chair anyway when she swept up her keys, wallet, and subway card. The subway card went into her pocket, the rest dumped into the backpack too. She could fish her keys out on the train.

He was still standing there as she pulled her shoes back on. By now he had the decency to look dumbstruck.

Katherine closed the bag and swung it onto her shoulders. Fuck not having wifi, she didn’t need it for twenty-some odd hours if it meant not dealing with Joseph Pulitzer. With his condescension. His contempt. His utter disinterest.

She shouldered past him and finally he did more than stare at her. “Where are you going?”

Narrowing her eyes, Katherine jutted out her chin. “Home.” And then she marched down the hall. Down the grand staircase and through the foyer. Right out the big front doors to the muggy night beyond. Katherine didn’t stop marching until she reached the subway platform that would take her downtown.

Here she paused, waiting for the train. She dug her keys out as she waited. They rested on the end of a lanyard she’d gotten from her old dance studio ages ago. The pink one with a purple crown marked the front door. The Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland the back. The shiny silver the apartment. The dull brass the building.

There was a keychain on the end of the lanyard too that held a trio of keys each decorated in a primary color. The keychain was a metal art deco design with “Medda Larkin” and the theater’s name and her office phone number. The yellow was for Jack and Charlie’s building. Blue for their apartment. Red a townhouse in Georgetown.

She could hear the train rumbling towards the station and Katherine made a decision. She ruthlessly twisted the princess and Cheshire Cat keys from her lanyard, shoving them deep into a pocket of her backpack. When she held up her lanyard again she saw the places she knew she would be welcomed.

Katherine closed her hand around the keys and stepped on the train.

~

After about twenty minutes in her apartment Katherine began to regret her choice to storm out rather than simply kick her father out of her room. Not because she felt any guilt about what was said. Not because she didn’t have wifi. Entirely because she and her mom had decided to save electricity and turned off the air-conditioning. In the short time that she’d been gone the humid New York night had crept in and she was dying.

She’d had the ac running full blast, but it wasn’t quite enough yet. Her frizzing hair had been wrangled into a bun on the top of her head. She’d found a pair of old soffe shorts a size too small that she hadn’t known she’d owned nevertheless packed when she rifled through the drawers her mom had filled for her while she had been setting up the kitchen. She’d been searching for the tank top she was currently sporting and the shorts had been in with her athletic wear.

Sitting in the dark on her new couch Katherine could hear the city humming around her. Now that her quest to beat the heat was done, she had nothing else to focus on but the fight.

She wouldn’t take back what she’d said and done. Katherine had defended herself, her future, her blog, and by extension, her friends. What her father had said though? That was echoing around her head. His “I would never hire you” just getting louder and louder in her imagination.

Katherine grabbed her phone off the coffee table and swiped it open. She went to her contacts’ favorites and hit call. The muffled ringing bled into the ringing of her father’s voice and Kath was struck by the hour and a fear he might be sleeping. Just as she was bracing herself for the possibility he picked up. Katherine let out his name on a sigh of relief. “Jack.”

“Hey Kath,” he sounded muffled, like his face was mashed into his pillow. “Is everything ok?”

“Not really,” she found herself saying in a small voice, suddenly feeling the beginning of tears. They made the words want to stick in the back of her throat. “I- I had a fight- and- and- I ran away. I’m at my apartment. I need a hug.”

Dammit. She was crying. Katherine didn’t cry and yet here she was. Her father had actually made her cry.

“I’ll be right there,” and now Jack sounded like he was sitting up.

Kath let out a shaky breath and swiped at her eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

~

It wasn’t long until the buzz of the intercom made her jump, pulling her out of her mental echo chamber. The apartment was still warm but most of the humidity had started to dissipate and the temperature was well on the way to comfortable. She buzzed open the door into the building and stayed leaning by her door, knowing it wouldn’t be long until there’d be a knock.

When it came Katherine opened the door to Jack but not just Jack but Charlie, David, and Sarah too.

“What’re you doing here?” she asked.

Jack engulfed her in a hug, moving her out of the doorway and letting the others in.

“Housewarming party,” Charlie said as though it were obvious.

This made Katherine acutely aware of the fact that she had absolutely no food. Another thing that she was waiting to actually start living there to acquire. The hour made her doubtful if the local bodega would even be open.

“Umm…” she said, still being hugged tightly by Jack.

“We brought snacks,” he whispered in her ear. She squeezed him tighter, a silent thanks for reading her mind.

“Damn girl, you live like this?” Charlie joked, staring around the dark studio.

Giving Jack one last hug and a kiss on the cheek she moved to close the door and flip the lights on. “Sorry, it was hot and I was afraid to blow out the ac.”

David snorted, he’d moved to the kitchen and set his backpack down on the counter. He started pulling out sodas and juice boxes. “Kath, and I say this with love, this place is nicer than where I grew up. I doubt you’ll blow a fuse for having a lamp and the air-conditioning on at the same time.”

Katherine rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him. Her friends chuckled and she noticed that David hadn’t been the only one to bring a backpack and they all had set about taking over her kitchen. The noise started to drown out her father’s voice in her head.

“Ok,” Sarah said, peering into her desolate fridge, “either you invited Les over before us or you haven’t gone shopping yet.”

Giggling Kath came to grab glasses and plates out of the cabinets. “I don’t think I invited any Jacobs over and yet, here you are. And at this hour.”

“Yeah, I was on Ellen and we were just about to start talking about what it was like to be Robin to Robert Pattinson’s Batman. Then Jack woke me up,” Charlie gave his brother a dry look and the other boy held up his hands in defense, a bag of Doritos in each.

“Sorry man but we all know the Kath Signal supersedes the Bat Signal,” Jack said.

She tried, she really did, pressing her lips together into a tight line but she couldn’t help but grin. Her earlier tears were long forgotten in the face of her friends. It was obvious what had happened, Jack had roused Charlie and called David who’d brought Sarah and they all came to check on her. To distract her or reassure her, whatever she might need.

Katherine paused, hands resting on the counter, as she watched her friends unpacking the supplies they had brought. That just made her smile grow as she realized that Jack and Charlie had merely grabbed whatever was in their cupboard before coming over while the Jacobs must have woken their mother – whether accidentally or intentionally she wasn’t sure – if the tupperwares filled with cut fruit, veggies, and Kath’s favorite homemade hummus were any indication.

Moving around her they began to dole out the snacks. Kath finally forced herself into action again, grabbing a capri sun from the fridge before making herself a plate.

They all made their way to the living room, arguing over who would be forced to sit in the overlarge beanbag chair that had been a staple of Katherine’s dorm since freshman year. It was the same beanbag that Sarah had to eventually decree was not a suitable bed and thus not allowed to be used as an excuse to spend the night after the boys had discovered it and tried to use their room as an escape from whatever mischief they might have gotten into. While comfortable it was extremely hard to pull oneself out of.

Kath found herself maneuvered into the middle of the couch, Jack on one side and David on the other. Charlie had gotten the armchair and Sarah sank into the beanbag with a resigned sigh.

The ac was finally doing its job and she leaned onto Jack, swinging her legs up so that they draped over David’s knees. Both of them just gave her incredulous looks before accepting their fates. Katherine poked at her hummus with a baby carrot, lost in thought as a silence settled around her.

She felt Jack press a soft kiss to the top of her head and sat up to blink at him in confusion.

“You ok?” he asked in a low voice. That’s when she realized they’d all sat there waiting for her to answer a question she’d been too wrapped up in her own head to realize was asked.

Katherine felt herself blush as she nodded. “Yeah. Um, what’d you say?”

“I wanted to know how the move in went,” David said fondly.

She’d just taken a bite of her carrot, so Kath waited until she’d swallowed to speak. “It went really well. I mean you can kinda see that,” she rolled her eyes in self-deprecation, “but yeah, the movers got all the furniture set up and then my mom and I did the rest. Took the whole day but it’s done.”

Kath shrugged and took another bite before adding, “The cable guy comes Monday so I’m shit outta luck on entertainment until then. No tv, no internet. But I’ve got some dvds if you guys want? I think I know where my Cards Against Humanity got to.”

David groaned as Charlie punched the air. This then resulted in Charlie nudging David sharply in the side with one of his elbow crutches for the groan. And saying, “You’re a sore loser Davey, it’s time ya get over it.”

David rolled his eyes and Kath giggled.

“Don’t deny it Dave,” Jack said, smug. The way she was leaning on him meant Katherine could feel him move as he spoke. It was weird. And funny. Kinda relaxing too.

“We both know that Les got the bad habit of flipping the Monopoly board from you,” Sarah chimed in, putting the lid on any of her brother’s world-famous rebuttals.

David flung his hands up in defeat. “Monopoly is a stupid game anyway! Do you know how bad they are for consumers? And us striving to create our own is just propaganda.”

“You know,” Kath chimed in thoughtfully, remembering a fun fact she’d picked up from a friend, “it was originally created to show how detrimental to society capitalism was. So, you’re right about the propaganda angle, wrong about the original intention.”

Her friends were all giving her variations of the same look. A mixture of mild confusion and dumbfounded. Katherine decided to just turn her attention back to her hummus.

“Well ok then,” Jack finally said. “I think that means you’re feeling better?”

It was a question, she could tell it was, but thanks to the distraction presented by teasing David and bitching about Monopoly she’d totally forgotten her own shitty captain of industry father. Katherine deflated slightly at the reminder.

She nodded meekly, though it was more of head wobble than a nod that eventually just turned into a shrug against Jack’s side. She huffed out a breath and her friends, no, her family – the wonderful marvelous people that they were, who came into her empty apartment in the middle of the night whilst she was wallowing and turned it into a true home in a matter of minutes – waited patiently for her to gather her thoughts and make up her mind.

“It’s a mixed bag?” she tried. Katherine could admit to herself she was stalling as English escaped her. She was left with the memory of her father storming into her room looping in her head, juxtaposed with opening her door to find Jack, David, Charlie, and Sarah waiting for her. Also, the word Gummiente for some reason, it was German for rubber duck. All in all, not a very banner moment for the wannabe writer. Maybe her father was right.

Katherine squeezed her eyes shut. She did not want to think about that. The air caught slightly in her throat as she inhaled. Would not even give him the satisfaction in her own imagination.

Jack must have felt her still because the next thing Katherine knew he was draping an arm around her and pulling her into his side. Then she felt David shift, gently swinging her legs down so he could slide closer and hug her too. A weight rested on her knee, the unmistakable feel of the top of one of Charlie’s crutches and she knew that the only reason it wasn’t his hand was because the space between the couch and coffee table was too narrow for him to maneuver with the couch full. Distantly Katherine thought she’d have to remember to fix that as she felt Sarah squeezing her hand, having finally fought her way out of the beanbag.

Katherine took in another shuttering breath. Her shoulders shook slightly. No tears tried to slip out though as she found herself laughing in relief. Brought about by her friends around her. Happiness and love for these people.

In a rush Katherine’s words came back to her and soon were pouring out of her mouth. A habit of hers that her father hated and had on occasion gotten her into hot water but for the life of her Kath couldn’t see the point in silencing herself, even if sometimes her voice reacted before her brain.

“You guys are just the best,” Kath breathed out in a rush. “I mean really. I’m so so so glad to have you all in my life and so thankful that you just decided to show up here in the middle of the night. Like, I know you were all sleeping; and I know how much you need it, bunch of overworked and underpaid college kids who run a human rights campaign slash activist group on the side that you are. But you somehow decided that I was more important than some well deserved rest. For some fucking reason.

“Which I really appreciate,” Katherine paused slightly, catching her breath and steeling her nerves. “Like, really appreciate. So much. So so much. Because I- I ran away from home? No. That sounds dumb. Oh god, I feel like a fucking dork but like I don’t care, cause I need to tell you guys this: I have a home; you are my home. I ran away from my dad. He- he found my blog and I’d say he was just being a dick about it but really he was being himself cause he’s always a dick so like I shouldn’t be surprised but we wound up arguing – I know, I know, shocking – and well I don’t regret what I said, it may have been mean but it was true, and I don’t regret coming here but it still hurt. He…”

Katherine trailed off, opening her eyes to frown down at her lap with the plate of snacks still clutched in her one hand. Jack pressed a kiss to the side of her head in encouragement. She furrowed her brows, screwing her courage to the sticking place.

“He told me that he’d never hire me,” Katherine finally said.

It was met with a chorus of shock and outrage. Jack and Davey both squeezed her tighter while Sarah let go of her hand to throw her own up in the air in exasperation. Charlie was letting out a stream of expletives detailing exactly what he thought about Joseph Pulitzer as a father and businessman.

After a couple long seconds David started laughing. It snapped Katherine out of her sudden shame as she looked over to him, fearing hysterics. David just grinned widely back at her as she gave him a questioning look.

“Kath!” he exclaimed breathlessly between laughs. “You don’t need him to hire you! And probably never will!”

She blinked at him, not following. Jack apparently had though, and she figured it was thanks to the fact that their trains of thought tended to run on the same rail. “You’re right! And it’s his own fucking loss!”

The two boys laughed as Katherine tried to work out what they meant. She glanced to Sarah who looked just as lost as she was and then to Charlie. He was frowning slightly but nodding as though he was seeing the logic in his best friends’ nonsense.

David realized her confusion, grabbing the tops of her arms so that she would meet his eyes as he spoke. “Kath, you already have a job.”

She made a face. “I’ve got an internship,” Katherine corrected him.

“Yeah, with The New York Sun!” David shook her slightly in his growing excitement.

“Your second summer internship there,” Jack added with that same almost manic cheer. “And this time they don’t have you writing puff pieces on kids festivals.”

“No they don’t!” David tagged back in and great they were going to do the thing where they traded off sentences to create one long argument. It was an impressive and truly fantastic talent, but Katherine hated when they turned it on her. Especially when she had yet to see their point. “This time you’re working directly for Bryan Denton, the one and only!”

As if on cue Sarah cheered “Our man Denton!” Which, granted, was a pretty Pavlovian response from any newsie when Denton, News Editor at The New York Sun, was mentioned.

Kath just widened her eyes and raised her brows slightly, her expression clearly saying “And your point is…?”

Charlie huffed, leaning forward in the armchair. “Kath, do we have to spell it out for you? Denton loves you. He’s like the Batman to your Batgirl, more Cain than Gordon in this case though you’re more of a Babs than a Cass in general and that’s not just because of your hair…”

Kath raised an eyebrow.

“But I digress,” Charlie said sheepishly. “He’s taken you under his wing. He sent you the internship application in like, what, January? Like right after break? And hired you himself. He loved working with you on the big World protest freshman year and was the one who suggested you apply to The Sun for the summer after in the first place, and you did last summer once the Newsies accounts were solidly off the ground. This is your second summer there. In. A. Row. And you spent the fall in D.C. At frickin CNN. An internship that Denton also suggested you look into since he knew about it from contacts he had from his war correspondent days.”

Rolling her eyes, Katherine shook off David’s hands where they still gripped her arms. Judging by his expression he’d forgotten he’d still been holding on and she let a small smile slip out.

“Look,” Kath started, “I won’t deny that Denton has been helping me out and kinda mentoring me, but it doesn’t mean he’ll just magically give me a job after graduation. If they don’t need another reporter in his section he can’t hire me no matter how much he likes me or how good he might think I am.”

Jack and David exchanged a silent conversation in a single look over her head. Katherine sat back so she could glare at them both.

“Uh exactly?” Jack laughed. “You said it yourself, even if there’s not room in his section he’ll make sure you’re hired at The Sun somewhere until there is. Or he’ll help you get a job anywhere in New York.”

“Not that you need his help,” David added. He smirked at her, but it was quickly turning into that proud smile of his. The same one he gave Les any time his little brother showed up on campus to brag about an A on a test or someone else he’d talked into following the Newsies of New York accounts.

“Kath,” Sarah said, speaking for the first time in a while. She was shaking her head in fond exasperation. “Your resume could kick anyone’s resume’s ass: You’re the Editor-in-Chief for the school paper this year. You help run one of the most up-and-coming non-partisan political outreach groups in the Northeast. You’ve interned for two different sections at one of the city’s biggest papers. You helped cover the midterm elections for CNN. Your articles helped bring about a major change in policy for one of the biggest universities in New York, as a freshman. Like, these are the highlights and only cover the past three years.”

Katherine started laughing at that. A mildly deranged sound that started bubbling out of her throat before settling into something normal. All snorts and gasps as her friends joined her. It was ridiculous only because it was true. And she had flung it right back into her father’s face before making a grand exit.

“Well I’ve always been overdramatic in my rebellion,” she managed to gasp out between laughs.

That only made her friends laugh harder. Sarah snorted before saying “I know” and clearly flashing back to Katherine blasting alt-rock in their tiny dorm freshman year.

Katherine shook her head. “But the melodrama was definitely an inherited trait.”

“Well,” Jack said when the laughter started to quiet, “you definitely outdid him on this one. Points for that.”

“Honey,” Kath made her voice sickly sweet as she teased him, a sure sign that she was feeling more like herself. “Don’t you know this is like Whose Line Is It Anyway? The rules are made up and the points don’t matter.”

“But just like Whose Line there’s still a winner,” David added quickly. “It’s pretty clear tonight it’s you.”

Katherine beamed. With a living room – her living room – filled with the people she loved there was no doubt in Katherine’s mind that she had indeed won. Even though she wasn’t quite ready to verbalize it. Not tonight at least. After a night’s sleep she knew she’d be able to go back and face her father, head held high with the confidence that no matter what Joe said or did she was untouchable. That in a few years screaming matches and steel sharp words would dull into memories, all that would matter about tonight would be that she finally realized exactly how lucky she was.

[nationallark]

Blood From the Stone, an adaptation of Onision’s Stones to Abbigale, Chapter One [EDIT: now complete] 3k words

(AN: hi friends! I decided to go ahead and align chapter one of my rework with chapter one of STA, so here it is for you guys! from now on, I’ll be posting the full chapters on Tumblr and I’ll put links to my Wattpad and Ao3 in my About page!!)

I hope you enjoy :)

The moment I opened my eyes, I was blinded by my freshly wallpapered room. Several days into my latest drastic redecoration, even the cast iron bed frame was now painted white. Light peeking through a narrow opening in the curtains bounced off the walls, making me clamp my eyes shut. Clearly, changing my room back to wall-to-wall white was another in a long line of self-inflicted psychological tortures.

My family could tell that the black had depressed me. I found comfort in the darkness, but neither extreme was without fault. I didn’t mind waffling between light and dark bedrooms, as I had ample spray paint and plenty of time to kill, but for a moment the intense light show pouring through the bay window felt like it was burning clear through to my brain.

Mom, having switched to the overnight shift by mid June, didn’t wake me up like she used to. Then again, neither did my alarm clock. I rolled away from the window and squinted into its plastic face only to see a cheaply backlit 8:17 AM staring back at me.

Great, I was going to be late again.

Not taking the time to grab my usual handful of cereal, I scribbled an excuse note and pulled a sweater over my sleep shirt before hopping on my scooter and pointing it in the direction of the school. As soon as the cold wind began to sting my cheeks, I realized that I in my haste had forgotten a scarf. Oh well.

I narrowly missed crashing into a giggly Lauren and Raymond who, hand in hand, were heading away from the school and towards the old church, no doubt to smoke or make out or any number of activities Lakewood students tended to use the place for.

Mr. Hanson, my heavyset history teacher, gave me a withering look as I ducked into his room with only fifteen minutes left in first period.

“James, talk to me after class,” he said mildly from his perch in the back of the room. I dropped my note on his desk on my way over to one of the few empty seats, electing to try and absorb some of the day’s lesson from the ongoing group activity rather than sit outside and count ceiling tiles.

It didn’t take long, however, for my mind to wander from British colonialism to the fascinating small scale history being made around me. I watched as Calvin, one of the honor students who was gunning for valedictorian, explained the reasoning behind his answers while Jaime nodded along and Miranda half paid attention to him while also monitoring Mr. Hanson to know when it was safe to chew her gum. It was too early in the school year for anyone to be too stressed out over grades, so there was only a sense of resigned monotony among the students.

That is, until the bell rang.

Over the ensuing bustle, Mr. Hanson glanced up from his work and looked at me expectantly, but I could only smile and shrug as I allowed myself to be pushed into the hallway with everyone else. Sorry, Mr. Hanson; I had a more important class to get to.

My second period was all the way across campus, relegated to one of the ancient trailers that also held the ESL students, sign language class, and music appreciation. Sculpture I, being one of the easier options for making the required fine arts credit, was naturally full of slackers and people who, like me, weren’t talented enough in music or theater to take anything else.

My cross-campus trek was interrupted by dozens of students circled around what I could only assume to be a fight. Unfortunately, the fight just happened to be in the center of the hallway that was my only path to art class. I hunched my shoulders and slipped through the growing crowd, breaking into a jog as the minute bell rang. I normally wouldn’t bother with getting to class on time, but I made an exception for sculpture; sculpture was the class I had with Abbi.

Ever since I’d seen Abbi in second period on the first day of senior year, she was all I could think about. Every day she would sit at the left side of a shared desk, drop her bag on the left side of her chair, and, resting her elbows on the tabletop, pick at the fake wood grain desk cover with her pencil.

As I ascended the creaking steps into the trailer, there were more seats open than I expected, probably because their usual occupants were still observing the fight I’d managed to squeeze past. There Abbi was, however, in the same getup as usual: her dark, wavy hair bunching on top of the desk as she bent over it, her deep purple eyeshadow and tinted brows still visible through the fringe. She had on the army jacket I’d never seen her without, even during messier art projects that showed in the cuffs of its sleeves. Even in the harsh light of the trailer’s fluorescent bulbs, she looked fantastic.

I tried not to make it too obvious that I was rushing to sit next to her, so I forced myself to slow down and take a casual approach to the desk. Step. Wave to Mrs. Stanley. Step. Check out the newest student-made hangings above her seat. Three steps. Gently drop my bag onto the desk.

Finally, I pulled the metal desk chair out and plopped into it with a grin ready for Abbi to turn and look at me...which happened to be at the exact same moment my thighs registered how ungodly cold the A/C had made the chair. I hissed in shock and stood up to save myself from mild frostbite, pushing the chair away from me and tipping it backwards and onto the floor with a metallic crash. Having looked up from her handiwork in time to see everything go down, Abbi glanced mildly at the chair, then at me, and went back to work without even laughing at me. Freaking smooth, James.

I picked up the chair amid the laughter of the other sculpture students and the quiet concern of Mrs. Stanley and sat down once again, this time being careful to pull the stretchy fabric of my shorts down long enough to cover the metal seat. I aimed my smile back at Abbi, who, this time, didn’t look up.

I barely had time to be disappointed before the stragglers arrived clearly invigorated by the hallway fight, whooping and hollering before Mrs. Stanley told them to quiet down or she’d mark them as tardy. Once again I looked at Abbi, whose attention was held steadfast by the desk cover. Well, at least it wasn’t just me that couldn’t get her attention. At this, I felt a wave of relief.

The relief was cut short, however, when one of the stragglers named Jason joined us at the shared desk, taking the seat directly across from Abbi. His arrival and unceremonious dumping of his bag on the desktop earned him a brief look and a practiced readjustment of Abbi’s position so that he wouldn’t accidentally bump into her, and once again the relief flooded my system.

Now that everyone was in their seats, Mrs. Stanley, looking for all the world like a walking retirement party, officially began class by going over the previous day’s finished assignment, which itself was the culmination of our unit on color and texture. I myself had modeled my project after my then-black room with soft black silk and smooth painted wood and was given an A for my trouble.

The main topic of discussion, however, wasn’t our grades. It was the introductory project for the next unit: symbolism and storytelling. Mrs. Stanley began to hand out the rubrics for the project while she gave us the bad news: we were going to be working with partners.

No, no, no. Not okay, because with my luck, I’d be paired with bonehead Jason or asshole Alex who’d just gotten back from a stint in alternative school for exposing himself in the cafeteria last year. I struggled to pay attention as she continued to outline the project.

“To simplify things,” she said, still handing out papers, “you’re going to be paired with the person across from you.”

That rule meant I was paired with….oh, God. While I wasn’t looking, Alex had apparently drifted into class and sat in the one remaining seat, which just so happened to be next to Jason and across from me. This wasn’t happening.

I’d been there in the cafeteria last year when Alex exposed himself. I’d even seen it. I can’t say I was particularly impressed, but I guess I didn’t have very much data with which to compare. Regardless, I was uninterested in being stuck with this kid for God knows how long while trying to work with whatever drivel he’d come up with and pass of as ideas.

My musing was interrupted by a voice that said “Can I be paired with James?”

Hearing the rare appearance of Abbi’s somber voice made me smile despite myself, and I took a moment to apprecia--wait. That was my name that had come out of her mouth. She’d asked to be paired with me. I couldn’t blame her, really, as her other option was Jason, who was barely a notch above Alex in terms of competence.

Despite her annoyance at Abbi’s resistance of her rules, Mrs. Stanley appeared to take pity on the both of us and rearranged our partnerships to put Abbi and I together and sic Jason and Alex upon each other. Looking only a little hurt, Jason huffed and looked Alex up and down before shrugging and choosing not to make a stink about the arrangement.

As Mrs. Stanley continued, I tried to remind myself that Abbi was only working with me to avoid the more offensive option that was Jason. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a little giddy at the thought that Abbi would be talking directly to me and nobody else in second period for the next several days.

“For this project, you will each take something you own, and together, you will create something that brings new meaning to your possessions. In case you can’t tell, this is a project that’s going to render the items you bring useless for the future, so I wouldn’t suggest bringing a favorite shirt or expensive electronic. Today, you’ll work on deciding what you’ll bring and sketching out the final product.”

My mind was racing with ideas about what I could bring when I stopped to consider what Abbi might have to offer. What would she consider useful but okay to part with? Surely she had a spare makeup brush or two, with all the work she clearly put into doing her face day after day.

“What are you going to bring?”

I wished she’d say my name again. I’d always thought my name was so boring, but coming from Abbi, it was beautiful. Shit, gotta answer before I look like a weirdo.

“Uh, I don’t know…” Great.

“You could bring something to go in my hamster cage,” said Abbi.

“Did he die or something?” I winced, mentally berating myself. Great, just great. Bring up her dead hamster. That’ll make her have the hots for you.

“Never had one. Dad got the cage and forgot the hamster.”

“How do you forget a hamster? Was he high?” Abbi shrugged and looked away, and I took the opportunity to feel like a complete ass, first for bringing up her nonexistent dead hamster and then for asking about her maybe-stoned father. I wondered, briefly, how the species ever managed to repopulate if there were men like me walking around and completely turning women off.

Instead of shutting my mouth, I decided to try one more time to lift her spirits.

“Maybe I could, uh, bring that weird thing my mom keeps in her bedside table?”

Abbi snorted and, for a fleeting moment, gave me the most perfectly little crooked smile I’d ever seen on those plum-painted lips. And, by God, I was the one who put it there. I let slip an eye-crinklingly wide smile before composing myself into what I hoped was a sly grin. Abbi got ahold of herself too and opened her mouth, hopefully not to be too grossed out with me.

“Tell me you didn’t actually touch your mom’s--”

“Of course not!” I interrupted her. I didn’t know if I could stand to hear that combination of words aimed at me and not die from the resulting embarrassment. I laced my fingers together and stared down at my desk, willing my reddening cheeks to calm down.

Soon, the bell rang and dismissed us to third period, and I quickly stood up, grabbing my things and getting ready to run away from the social situation my big mouth had put me in. I was in such a hurry, in fact, that I almost missed Abbi calling my name from our desk.

I stopped short of the door and sidestepped the other students rushing back to the main school building. Having successfully grabbed my attention, Abbi reached into the scrap paper box and pulled out a white and gold speckled scrap of tissue paper.

“Here,” she said, scribbling something down on it. “gotta run; gym class.”

I felt for her; to get to the stadium for girls’ gym, she was going to have to cross the whole campus and wait for the crosswalk. But more importantly, she gave me a note! I scrambled to open it as I walked to class and discovered she’d written down a phone number. Her phone number? My eyes snapped upwards to the hallway, but Abbi was long gone.

For the rest of the school day, I was floating on air. Abbi had never once given me a second look, but now that we’d spoken some she wanted me to have her phone number! Did she want me to call her? I decided to play it safe and wait until I was home to do anything. I moved my phone case and gently pushed the note inside for safekeeping.

The final bell couldn’t have come soon enough. I picked up my scooter and ran to the bus in hopes of getting home as soon as possible, and Davis waved me over from a seat near the back. I joined him.

“Blow me off again this morning? I’m starting to get lonely,” Davis said with a theatrical sigh. I gave him my best eye roll in return while artfully cramming my scooter in one of the overhead storage areas. I sat down next to Davis and held my backpack in my lap.

“Alarm didn’t go off,” I said, gazing out the window at all the people milling around in the bus circle. Why wouldn’t they get out of the way? Didn’t they know I had something important to do?

“Whatcha’ looking at?” said Davis.

“Oh, nothing. Just wish these assholes would mo--”

And suddenly through the throng of students and teachers I saw Abbi perched on the hood of an old Sedan in the parking lot, looking bored out of her mind and utterly, utterly perfect. Without looking away I grabbed Davis’ sleeve and pulled him towards the window.

“See that girl? That’s Abbi.” I said.

Davis squinted at the parking lot. “The emo chick with the crappy car? That’s your dream girl?”

I smacked him on the shoulder and spoke, still unable to look away.

“She’s amazing. She’s artistic and good at carving, she always does her eyebrows perfectly, and she matches her makeup to the paint stains on her jacket cuffs.”

“Uh, okay. Why not wash the jacket?”

I was getting ready to reply when an unwelcome figure entered my field of vision. Seth, one of the assholes in my history class who liked to talk back to Mr. Hanson, walked up to Abbi and hugged her while she sat on the hood. And sure enough, those paint speckled cuffs wrapped around his waist and hugged right back.

I sat back in my seat and tried not to look as devastated I felt. Of course she had a boyfriend. How could a girl like that not have a boyfriend already? Besides, I didn’t have any right to be upset. Before today, I’d barely said ten words to her altogether. I opened my phone case and pulled out Abbi’s note. Why had she given me this, then?

When my stop came I rode my scooter the rest of the way home and dumped my backpack on the floor before flopping onto my bed. So, Abbi wasn’t trying to get me to ask her out. And she wasn’t asking me out, either. So...what gives? I sent her a text, trying my best to seem casual. Abbi? It’s James.

She replied a few minutes later, Cool. Was wondering when you’d text. So, what are you bringing? And don’t say your mom’s vibrator.

Oh, so that’s why she gave me her number. Of course. We hadn’t started on the sketch for our project, and we hadn’t even figured out what we were bringing. Scanning the room, I came up with the first thing I saw and texted her back. A stuffed animal?

This time, her response was almost instantaneous. What if I bring one of mine and we do like a zombie animal?

I couldn’t help sighing dreamily at her idea. I did tell Davis she was artistic, after all. Sounds cool! :)

Sweet.

As much as I wanted to keep talking to Abbi, I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I set my phone down and picked a stuffed animal I was willing to part with--a brown bear with a red ribbon--and put it in my backpack for tomorrow before hopping in the shower. I lowered myself to the floor of the tub and distantly felt the warm water hitting my chest.

[unexpectedreylo]

What’s With Star Wars Fandom Anyway?

Last week I posted this piece on the condescending attitudes of BNFs, bloggers, and professional fanboys toward Reylos and fans of romance in general.  

This got me thinking on the long-time sense of discomfort I have had with other Star Wars fans for many, many years.  Long before the prequels or Reylo or bizarre petitions against movies.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve also met a lot of terrific people, some of which have been friends for decades.  But the level of discourse, especially on social media, has reached a nadir.  It’s honestly the worst I’ve ever seen.

Some of it reflects where society is as a whole.  Social media was meant to connect people but it’s created tribes and turned friends and families into mortal enemies.  Total strangers feel comfortable being cruel to other strangers.  People seek validation and dopamine hits from “likes.”  Even I’m guilty of this!  

Some of it reflects what’s terrible about nerd/geek culture.  On the one hand, my entry into the world of fan fiction and zines in the ‘90s was a welcome change from the are-you-cool-enough world of indie/alternative that I was in beforehand.  On the other hand there was an element of “yes but are you as much of a fan as I am” that is too prevalent today.  As anyone who has read “Misery” knows, fan passion can easily be warped into something destructive, especially when things don’t go the way the fan wants.  I used to call fellow fans like that Annie Wilkeses and joke about hoping George Lucas’s car never crashes in front of their houses. (I guess I should say that now about Rian Johnson, Kathleen Kennedy, and J.J. Abrams.)  Nerds generally make perfect the enemy of very good, pretty good, or just good.  If it’s not a face melting experience it’s the worst thing ever.

Some of it though is because of what Star Wars has been specifically.  Star Wars has always had tremendous mainstream success, which means it’s always been open to all kinds of people, on a global level. Yet there’s always been a subset of moviegoers, people like you or me, who are very passionate about it.  This gives Star Wars an easy entry to a particular cult within a larger more casual fan base.  This cult has all of the problems of other cultish things along with a large variety of people with a large variety of views, beliefs, lifestyles, etc. who are involved in it.  

The other thing I’ve come to realize is that many Star Wars fans look to the saga as comfort food they want served their way, not as art.  The only logical conclusion I can come to after 41 years of loving Star Wars and 26 years of observing fandom is that what many fans want is safe, easy, predictable, and familiar, not what’s challenging.  There’s a reason why the second chapter in every trilogy so far ends up with the lowest box office of the three.  It’s always the chapter that says, “You think you know Star Wars?  You think you know what’s going to happen next?  Guess what?  You don’t.”  Nothing symbolized this better than the camera panning upward instead of down to an inverted Naboo royal starship at the beginning of AOTC, a ship that then descends into fog on Coruscant.  Even the hallowed TESB left people perplexed with its unexpected twists and its cliffhanger ending.  Today it’s regarded differently precisely because it took chances, yet so did AOTC and TLJ.  I’ll get to why TESB today doesn’t get the same backlash dumped on the latter two films in a minute.

I believe there is a reason why TFA is the way it is and why it seemed that Lucas’s ideas for the ST didn’t seem to manifest much until TLJ.  Abrams and company KNEW there was a backlash against TPM was because it didn’t feel familiar enough to Gen-X fans.  No, it’s not because of kid Anakin or even Jar Jar.  They were excuses, lightning rods for reasons people can’t or don’t want to articulate.  TFA had a huge advantage in that it had the OT3 back while TPM had an entirely new cast, Yoda and droids aside.  It carefully made sure its setting looked enough like the OT to be comforting to those fans of the old school.  Some of the new characters were easy to place in missing slots:  Rey was like young Luke, Kylo Ren was like Darth Vader, Snoke was like the Emperor, Man Kanata like Yoda, etc..  A lot of it was lighthearted and funny.  And it worked.  Not everyone was thrilled with it.  I had criticisms of  the film at the time.  Eventually a slow burn backlash developed, mostly accusing TFA of being unoriginal and making Rey a Mary Sue, but it wasn’t anything on the scale of hysterics that I saw with the prequels and with TLJ.

Why do many Star Wars fans demand “comfort food?”  It has to do with the first film and the way it presents a galaxy in black and white, where good and evil are identifiable and its sense of deep familiarity in spite of its setting due to its expert use of archetypes and tropes.  I’m not criticizing this at all.  It is at the heart of ANH’s brilliance and charm.  It was released at time when America really needed to believe in itself again after the chaotic ‘60s and early ‘70s.  To a generation of latch key kids and broken homes, it also provided comfort, clarity, certainty, and adults to look up to.  Don’t believe me?  Why the freakout then over Luke’s portrayal in TLJ?  A lot of people my age, myself included, put them up on a pedestal.  Naturally a film that provides those things will attract people who seek them out.  The Star Wars saga has moved away from those stark differences in the other films but there’s still a clear morality.  

As I had previously noted, TESB initially made some people scratch their heads.  But it became the cool kid at the table years later.  Why is that?  Sure some of it was Gen-Xers who had become accustomed to darker entertainment, antiheroes, irony, and cynicism having retro respect for a blockbuster movie that didn't have a happy ending.  But I think it’s also because of familiarity.  When you watch a movie 75 times it’s not quite so shocking anymore.  Instead it becomes that album where you know every song by heart, even every bridge and chord change.  It’s part of your DNA.  I think this may be a reason, though not the sole reason, why it seems the prequels are gaining more respect.  After 13-19 years, they’ve become familiar too.  And to many fans, familiar is better than scary and unknown, which is what watching any new Star Wars movie for the first time is like.  

This is why TLJ really threw them for a loop.  They thought TFA made it clear what was going to happen next:  Kylo was going to be even badder, Rey was going to train and find out she’s either a Skywalker or a Kenobi so that justifies her existence, Snoke was going to be revealed as someone really important, Rey was going to hook up with Finn or maybe we’ll get something even more “progressive” with a gay romance, and Luke was going to return as his lovable old self.  And none of that happened.  Instead of just saying, “Okay, I guess I was off then,” they revolt online as though Lucasfilm is going to listen to a social media mob.  They also attack other fans who aren’t on the hate bandwagon along with them.

The problem is there’s little anyone can do about it.  The good news is they make up a small portion of the Star Wars moviegoing public and Lucasfilm knows as much as they complain, they will still show up for their fix.