#except theres a 4 in mine and a 3 in the other one

[kawaiianimeredhead]

.

[sycamorality]

ask to tag for this one if necessary i am bad at tagging but someone does die here. this is a dream i had when i took a nap

so my mom, me (i was a winged calico cat and i had these sorta psychic and teleportation powers), scorch ((ex-friend) apparently was also a cat of sorts) and some other people are travelling via train on these very fast trains that only stay for a few seconds and then go at insane speeds at night time (which did end up killing alot of people).

the trains were going north and then back south which is where we were trying to go everyone except for me and scorch get where we're trying to go, so i lose my mom and have pretty much a breakdown for that moment. then theres this old lady who also didnt get where she was trying to go the railways and train stations were super long and took forever to travel on foot, they had about 3 or 4 rails where the train travelled.

but scorch, i and this old lady decide to travel via foot so i use the psychokinetic powers alongside my teleportation to get use outside it on the grass hills, but the old lady ends up getting hit by a train and splattering out, so scorch and i continue with me and scorch travelling for ages at night.

scorch nearly died because its foot gets caught on a train for a bit, and then as we go along and we see a lot of houses lined up, grassy hills, and have alot of near death encounters (mainly me and then scorch a few times) until it turns day and then suddenly the trains are gone and the rails look extremely abandoned. except for one track.

then we meet up with koi ((a friend of mine) who's their oc snail) and a med cat named sagenose (or saggingnose, but i think it was sagenose), and we wonder a bit near where we met up - it was a pretty run down and broken brick bridge near the rails.

we get up somewhere and scorch nearly dies and i panic and hug it and have a near breakdown because we finally met someone and scorch nearly died. then i ask koi how long it took us to get back and he told us it'd been 7 years and i just freak out and am super confused because it didn't feel that long while we were travelling to get back.

but i calm myself down and we continue along back with koi and the med cat until the med cat stops in a patch of tall grass near a worn down dark brown brick path and says they have to go but will be back after they're done, and jump through a portal. then we continue walking around on a dirt path behind some houses that seemed rather empty, and it just ends there abrubtly

dated december 10th, 2022

[devilsadvcate]

i just looked over my pinterest boards and realized some huge things about myself.

1. i love pale/pastel grunge/goth.

2. i think i know myself better than i ever have

3. im not ashamed of embodying my complexity and weirdness anymore

4. i love my interests and i love how deeply i love things

5. i am such a devoted and fucking insanely passionate lover. seriously theres hardly anything i can put into words to elaborate on this one. my pinterest board for love is just. it just is. it just is man. scorpio venus and mars (yes, u read that right: AND!!! SCORPIO VENUS AND SCORPIO MARS CONJUNCT IN THE 7TH HOUSE)

6. confidence, self love, and shameless expression of self doesnt seem embarrassing anymore. in fact i feel so empowered by how nuanced i am bc i know that there is so much value in variety and its freeing to explore my own humanity. i just love to find little human things about myself and others and foster love for these things. i know love exists because i am full of it!

7. my major natal placements (libra moon, taurus rising, scorpio venus, scorpio mars) make up probably the entirety of my being while simultaneously being maybe the least recognizable traits about me, and its a MISSION of mine to make that known and seen and felt by anyone who gets to know me! im sooooo venus ruled! and my passions and depth and sensuality are sooooooooooo pluto

8. im such a fluid person. so fluid in every way. even my gender fluid (except idk if i would label it as genderfluid. still working on that one. you’ll see what i mean soon.)

9. i have felt very comfortable in my identity as a nonbinary person for some time now (Now you see) but im considering the possibility that perhaps my hesitancy or aversion to identifying with femininity has been influenced by internalized misogyny. YIKES!

10. i am so worth loving! so worth it. i think i am genuinely just a refreshing and lovely person. so well rounded and so eager to learn more always and i really enjoy that about myself.

[catboy-autism]

HIIIII for the ask game(s): 🌚🌝🤖 (for the first one), 🕊️ (for the second one) and 3, 4 and 8 for the one with numbers :33c

🌚 - do you experience shifts? If yes, what kind of shifts do you experience most often? - Most often, I get phantom limb shifts, which is usually tail wags. I don't get mental shifts often, except for just when I get more in tune/feel more in tune to my feline instincts and wants, but I wouldn't consider that a shift really. I guess I don't really have a time or space to allow for mental shifts.

I got a half body phantom shift the other day though, my whole lower half felt like that of a cat. It was mostly a voluntary shift and kinda was visually fading in and out. I say visually but i think it can better be described as aural??? I could see it and feel it, but it wasn't actually There.

🌝 - how does your identity affect your everyday life? - Hmmm,, this is a good question it makes me think. Asides from the way I dress (paws drawn on my shoes as well as theta deltas on the sides, cat ears beanie worn almost all the time, and tail when the occasion permits), I wouldn't say it affects much? I work with dogs, and being wolf/wolf-dog hearted makes me really excited when i see certain breeds like huskies and german shepherds, that kinda Wolf Looking dogs.. yknow. The way I act and my habits sometimes mirror feline ways too.

🤖 - for how long do you know about your identity? - March 2023 was when I finally connected with the label therian. Before then I would say that I was "standing on the line between not furry and furry". As a child, there was definitely some beastly things going on i was not a normal kid

🕊️ - does your kintype/theriotype go by a separate or different identity? (i.e. different name, age, gender, etc) - My fictotypes are both canonically women and one is sapphic. But with Nana, she's a cat-person so i think theres already something going on weird with her gender. My hcs of her include her being a transfem bi lesbian who uses she/nya. I don't have any hcs for Flufflepuff, she's just a little gay thing.

3. How did you discover (and confirm) your hearttype? - I've always felt drawn to wolves, and for a very little bit, I kinsidered them until i discovered the otherhearted terms. Instantly it clicked, and soon my noemata filled in gaps of why.

Mooshrooms are there because mushrooms are very important to me, especially in depictions of them growing off a living body in a sort of symbiotic relationship.

Pinkie Pie is a little different, and for a little bit she was a kin of mine until I realized hearttype fit better. Idrk how to explain my discovering of these, or even confirming, they just are.

4. Any headcanons/theories about your hearttype? - I headcanon Pinkie Pie to be a genderfluid xenogender (Lot of gastrogenders) thing who uses any pronouns xe can get her hooves on. He is also a sapphic pansexual.

My headcanons abt mooshrooms is they arent really cows at all, simply look like them. Not-cows, in a sense.

8. Are you a "deep longing to be", "deep admiration and empathy for", "ideal self", "should have been", and/or other experience 'hearted person? - My Pinkie Pie hearttype falls closer to "deep admiration and empathy for"... I really admire the way she carries herself and the joy it derives from making others laugh and happy.

Wolf hearttype is a little odd because in one of my past lives, I was raised by wolves but as a cat..? So like theyre family but not by blood.

Mooshrooms is liek,,,.,hmm .idk there's some sort of connection there im not entirely sure

[bunnybeeofficial]

SOOOO totally happy 2 b here!!! im soooo happy 2 meet u all

do u want 2 b happy?

do u want 2 b beautiful??

do u want 2 b mine???

((RULES AND OOC UNDER THE READMORE))

((another blog by me, bunny, the person who came out of nowhere swinging SEMI-LUKEWARM

CAUTION, TRIGGERS AHEAD, NOT ALL WILL BE TAGGED

honey will randomly blip out of existence with my motivation and energy levels! This does NOT mean that she wouldn't be communicating with your OCs during this time. I know it sucks to pilot an npc but please don't just assume honey is ignoring your oc, i seriously do not have the spoons to be as actively extroverted as her. i am an introvert.

theres going to be So much eyestrain on this blog, like to the point that almost every post would have an eyestrain tag, so please keep that in mind!

gifs are tagged "gif" queue tag is "supes cute" food stuff is "yummy stuff" nails are "perfectly painted" art tag is "artsy shit" selfie tag is "super cute selfie" makeup is "looks that kill" clothes are under "wardrobe"

my name is bunny, im 25+, i am not a social person and do not have the energy to talk to a lot of people at once, so either have patience or don't bother

i have several other blogs im not active on, but im most frequently on jujulebee

do not send me IMs in character, i will accept them as ooc if you don't have my discord, otherwise dont

do not leave Replies on my posts, i have stated this multiple times, i don't notice them in the deluge of activity notifications i receive, if you want to have a conversation on a post i have made reblog the post

youre free to ask for my discord but i dont guarantee that ill talk to you regularly, i am not a talkative person

im not Extremely picky with who i follow and will block freely and without hesitation. im here to curate my ideal experience, not save the feelings of a stranger. 

while i understand that ic=/=ooc if your character is transphobic or racist in any way please dont interact, actually

honey wouldn’t want to talk to you anyway

this page does not accept magic anons

please do not godmod to try and fix honeys issues, i dont want that, genuinely

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

honey b azrael was born august 6th, 1998

she’s bi-racial korean, born in texas

she is 4'8" (her boots typically put her at 5’), approx 240 lbs

honey was embraced on january 23rd of 2021

honey's a well-known streamer/virtual idol with a truly Cultish following with a majority of her followers worshipping her akin to a god. she is obssessed with the idea of making people beautiful, with no real concept of what that Beauty is, as she believes beauty is in the eye of the one presenting that beauty, as such she would not change someone without their explicit permission. she loves to be worshipped and idolized, but denying her that adoration does nothing to dissuade her bright personality, there is nothing you can say to convince her she is not worthy of it.

honey is a 6th generation tzimisce, her adoptive sire is delilah and true sire was killed to prevent any complications

⚠️WIP⚠️Strength: 3/5 Dexterity: 2/5 Stamina: 3/5 Charisma: 4/5 Manipulation: 2/5 Composure: 3/5 Intelligence: 2/5 Wits: 2/5 Resolve: 1/5⚠️

honey is a party girl and there will be mentions of drug/alcohol use and i will tag them as “drug mention” or “alcohol mention” if mentioned

nsfw content will be tagged as “nsfw //” or “nsfw language”

⚠️EYES, CULT-LIKE BEHAVIOR, BLOOD, AND BODY HORROR WILL NOT BE TAGGED⚠️

honey is pansexual and disinterested in a romantic relationship but sexually available

honey is doing GREAT and you should trust her

honeys best friend circle consists of dolls, sam, jules, her owl butler hubert, and diana who lives inside of her

she loves making friends and talking to people, though, so feel free to shoot her a message! she WILL talk to you

if your character is rude or just generally mean for no real reason (there are funny exceptions to this rule) honey will not want to speak with you and will probably unfollow you

ooc follows are fine, if i dont interact with your character much ill probably end up unfollowing, though

will add more if i can think of anything

[not-poignant]

im honestly so excited for utr!! im also wondering, are there any communal spaces where theres group therapy (not necessarily talk therapy) or a cafe where the couples interact? i hope we get to see efnisien walk around more freely, but id wonder, since he is the only alpha at hillview without training, if thats even possible? but he’s a patient, not staff so idk. man… if you have any more nuggets of utr to share im.. not above begging sir 🥺 i go thrugh the tag regularly xx 💓

Hi anon!

The reality is that by the time a couple becomes 'healthy' - preparations are made to graduate the omega into their new life. They often only get 1-3 months - sometimes a little bit longer - of healthy time with their bonded alpha, before they're sent on their way.

In that period of time, they are tested with other healthier omegas to see if they can get along, and at least be civil (because omega + omega relations are often very fraught and some omegas turn up at Hillview because they murdered or attempted to murder or planned to murder another omega *points at Lucien*). But it's often closely supervised, with debriefings, and it's rare that omegas become lasting friends with a few exceptions - like Flitmouse and Nate.

But eventually, Flitmouse and Anton will leave Hillview. They can't stay there forever, at least not as things are now, they are basically 'dead weight' on the facility. It's the same with Nate and Janusz, they will move away eventually, and make a new life for themselves.

And then of course where friendships develop, like Mosk and Flitmouse, there's the fact that Mosk will leave Hillview and not only have to grieve Augus, but also Flitmouse now? And all the other connections he's made? He can stay in touch with Flitmouse, but the reality is that he'll be moving at least 4-5 hours away. Some omegas leave the state entirely. So fostering omega+omega connections is potentially a painful thing to do, especially if their first ever healthy omega connections are with someone who that connection is then severed with.

Group therapy is not a thing at Hillview. And it's not likely to ever become a thing. Communal spaces can't really exist, which is why Flitmouse and Efnisien meet outdoors the first time, and after that they will met at Flitmouse and Anton's home. Group interactions have to be carefully monitored at all times because this isn't a situation where an alpha and omega have been bonded healthily for years, the bonds themselves are temporary, and testing them constantly and unnecessarily risks the health of the alpha (who will have that bond severed) as much as the omega.

That's why Gary shows so much caution around exactly who he'll let Efnisien spend time with, and why the facility in general is very careful about who is interacting with who at all times.

i hope we get to see efnisien walk around more freely, but id wonder, since he is the only alpha at hillview without training, if thats even possible?

Not really. No one really can without saying where they're going, and for how long. Certain quadrants of Hillview are out of bounds, and Efnisien could probably wander around near Gary's cottage, but not much further.

(That being said, you are welcome to imagine it / write it / and have your version anon! Mine is canon-aligned, but yours doesn't have to be!! If you want the group therapy cafe on the grounds, make it happen, because that would be awesome :D )

[s0m3b0dy2u]

this is a vent

feel free to ignore

so, a few weeks ago i told a few friends of mine that i couldn't be friends anymore for the sake of my mental health

(this is the one thats relevant rn):

a little bit of context: this girl (we'll call her a for now) was one of my irl friends. i moved up here around 4 years ago, and she was one of my first friends. we didnt talk a lot, but we had a kind of mutual respect for each other, id like to believe. the next year or wtv though we were fighting constantly, and (slight TW)(i dont remember if she told me to kms or if she threatened to kill herself but something like that happened). after that we didnt talk for god knows how long and then we were friends again. we were decent friends until last year, when a certain other girl (lets call her a-) moved up here and instantly integrated into the friend group. the 3 of us as well as another person (j) were like best friends... except not really. i started dating a- and it all went downhill from here. around a- and j i felt totally invisible, and a was the only one that didnt make me feel like that. i voiced my concerns to a. thennnn some fucking shit happened. a- got with j and then broke up with me, i did some things that i was never and wont ever be proud of (they said i was using my mental healthy as an excuse and it was never an excuse, what i did and what i said was so shitty but yk wtv), shit talking each other back and forth etc. at the time j was dating my best friend (t) but they were together for like years i think but j was super toxic and then they broke up one day, j called t the n-word (hard r) and a- also called t a slur

slight TW:

(we're getting off topic now)

anyway, a continued being best friends with a- and then i started feeling invisible around that whole fg

i was constantly being left out, ex:

a and their friends went to the mall together when i not even weeks before proposed the idea, this kinda shit continued for nearly a year i think (it at least feels that long anyway)

they became close friends with a girl who used to be one of my best friends (m) and m was like "oh, we should hang out" (to me) but was always apparently too busy hanging out with a and a- or whatever

whenever a- was in the room i was literally invisible and i got sick of it

a and m only ever talked to me when it was convenient for them or it was just me and one of them in any given room

id already addressed this issue in the past and they didnt listen

this hurt me

i told them politely i couldnt be their friend rn for the sake of my mental health

i valued their friendship more than anything

but now im "playing the victim" and im toxic and im the asshole for genuinely putting myself first and trying to fucking heal

plus it was a personal boundary, i just cant be friends with anyone thats friends with a-

because when she's around it always goes back to there being drama

we were fine before she moved here

but now ive lost countless friends and my mental health is sinking farther with each day and i just wanna kms but i cant, theres so many reasons why i cant

and, were in highschool, word travels, of course it does

i heard that a brought up something

specifically:

at least im pretty sure this is what they were referencing

(also, this, idk if this is related tho?)

anyway

either a blew it out of proportion, or the story got blown out of proportion as it passed from ear to ear but the version i heard is not what fucking happened at all

ill be honest, the girl the person was talking about i had a crush on

i was on vc with that person when this went down

ill say, ive always been super hypersexual, i feel like thats safe to say

up until this point, my thoughts about my crush were always super respectful, to the point where i felt guilty even being in her presence like as a bystander like shes so worth the world and ill just hurt her by being around type shit

when we were having that conversation i legitimately wasnt thinking about anything, just the thought of thinking bout her that way had me red

when i tell you those were the tamest "sexual" intrusive thoughts i ever had

and i still felt so guilty

like i thought about making out with her and her kissing my neck and that was it

and i was so ashamed, im still ashamed, im not proud of myself at all i feel so small and "oh youre playing the victim again" literally gfys

theres nothing i hate more than feeling so pathetic, so why would i make myself the victim?

she (a) also said (on multiple occasions) that i didnt like several ppl in that group which is blatantly false. i never really disliked any of them (save a- and j, and now a too probably but even now saying i dislike her is too strong for what i feel)

on top of that she said im toxic which she knows is literally my biggest fear

like yeah ik im the asshole, im always in the wrong im so toxic because everyones always told me that

and to think once i felt better i was gonna try and tell her where i was coming from and why i cut her off, since i really valued her friendship

i know, though, that i dont need her around if shes gonna act like that, even if its to make herself feel better or to win the approval of others

anyway at least i got to go home early today because i had a mental breakdown about this ..・ヾ(。＞＜)シ

whats even worse is i cant talk to any of my friends about this bcs t is dear friends with a and my other friends literally would not care

if youre reading this, i love you (/p) have a great morning, day, afternoon, evening, or night

[thealmightyemprex]

Voyage Through the Disney Canon :1937-1949 ranking

These are the first 11 Disney animated films ,ranked from my least favorite to most favorite

11.Fun and Fancy Free -Ah Fun and Fancy Free,the favorite Disney film of nobody ,at least from what I have seen .I have never seen any one talk about this one positively and yeah I'm not gonna praise it either,this film is rather messy .I really dont like the first segment about Bongo the Bear,I actually think it is dreadful (THough Dinah Shore does some good narration ),Jiminey Cricket is a bit grating here ,and I like Edgar Bergen in general but wow is the wraparound segment with him unsettling especially if you dont know who he is .The Mickey and the Beanstalk segment is good but not to noteworthy aside from Bill Gilbert delivering a enjoyable performance as the giant and there is a scene where Donald becomes murderously insane ,thats fun

10.Saludos Amigos -This movie isnt bad,its just....Barely a film .Its only a bit over 40 minutes ,it feels more like EDutainment talking about South America .It fine for what it is and hey it gave us Jose Carioca

9.Melody Time -Its fine .I like the Blame it on the Samba segment and the Johnny Appleseed segment is sweet and definately the best part of the film,gets me misty eyed ,but every other segment is just.....OK to me

8.Three Caballeros -The much better companion film to Saludos Amigos,this film is weird and energetic ansd just fun,with the titular song being a highlight .

7.Dumbo:So of the 5 Capital C Classics(The first 5 films Disney made which are Snow White,Pinocchio,Fantasia ,Dumbo and Bambi ),I didnt know which ones would rank where.....But knew of the 5 Dumbo would be the lowest,which I feel bad about cuase...I really like Dumbo ,its a very nostalgic childhood favorite :Pink Elephants is a great sequence,the Baby Mine song brings a tear to my eye .heck the songs in general are good,Dumbo is a lovable protagonist and I love the performance of Edward Brophy as Timothy the mouse ,I think he is an underrated sidekick.It has a MAJOR problem with it and yes it is the racism ,like wow,not just the crow scene but the song "Happy Hearted Roustabouts" which is just...Yikes .However theres another reason it is not higher becuase it does its job too well.It was made to be a short simple movie,and it suceeds in being that ,but as such the other films I find more interesting .However let it be known I have a soft spot for Dumbo

6.Make Mine Music -This ia an underrated gem.I personally dont dig the more abstract segments but theres a lot of fun music and animation and I think the final segment the Whale That Wanted To Sing at the Met is a masterpiece with for me,the saddest moment in the Walt era

5.Fantasia -FAntasia is a movie I admire more then I like .Most of what I love is in the second half,I adore the Dance of the Hours and the Pastorial Sympathy and of course Night on Bald Mountain is MAGNIFICENT ,butwith the exception of the delightful Sorcerers Apprentice,the first half drags for me .I do like the movie ,finding it very artistically pleasing but I cant say its one of my personal favorite Disney films but can totally see why it is a favorite for many

4.Bambi -This is a contender for the best looking film of the Walt era,gorgeous backgrounds ,great character animation and its more of a vibe then a story .Its not for everyone....But Bambi is awesome to me,its kind of neat just watching this deer live his life .ITs really cute (Especially the stuff with Thumper the rabbit ),its gorgeous and has some solid emotional moments .I dont like the soundtrack but the rest of the film I really enjoy .

3.The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr Toad -This is my favorite of the wartime/post war animated films cause its one I watched a bunch as a kid .No9w truthfully the first segment covering Wind In the Willows is just good.I like the performances of Eric Blore as Mr Toad and J PAt O Malley as Cyril ,theres some funny moments,Basil Rathbone is a good narrator ,but I prefer other takes on Wind in the Willows and I dont like how minimized Ratty and Mole are .....The second segment is a masterpiece,with great character animation,comedy,wonderful narration by Bing Crosby who also sings the banger that is the Headless Horseman song and yeah the Headless Horseman himself is a wonderfully scary villain with the chase scene between him and Ichabod Crane being one hell of a climax.

2.Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs -This film the more I see it the more I love it .Its funny cause I used to not like this movie but now I have fallen for its simplistic charm.It feels like no other Disney film ,like it is so unpolished cause they are trying to figure out how to make a feature and I finsd it endearing .Snow White is a character I do care about,the Queen is a simple yet imposing villain and By god when she becomes the Witch she is reallly creepy and rightfully has been nightmare fuel for many a child over the generations (Props to the voice work of Lucille LaVerne ).The scene stealers really are the Dwarfs ,especially Grumpy and Dopey who are played an animated well.Bit of a comfort movie for me ,so had to place it a bit high

1.Pinocchio-This is one of my favorite animated films of all time .It is sweet ,it is dramtic , and it can be really intense .The songs are all great (No Strings On Me might be my favorite ) .The character animation is great (I particularly love Bill Tytlas animation of Stromboli ) ,the climax is just a marvel of animation (Monstro the Whale is one hell of a feat of animation ),Pinocchio is a likeable protagonist,Honest John is a hilarious comedic villain who stands in contrast to the more terrifying villainay of Stromboli and the Coachman ,and Jiminy Cricket ,Geppetto,and Figaro are just lovable.I love lovve love love love love love this movie .

@ariel-seagull-wings @makingboneboy @amalthea9 @the-blue-fairie @theancientvaleofsoulmaking @themousefromfantasyland @filmcityworld1 @princesssarisa

[pwblogarchive]

May 2007

May 4, 2007

ryan ross lives in my house right now.

had a falling out with myself.

we just dont speak so much anymore.

theres nobody carrying weight.

nobody with hART and sole.

im sick but theres no hospital to fix this kind of thing.

i day dream at night.

i call em all in the air.

sometimes i get it right.

the things i keep inside are worth double the ones anyone knows about.

almost caught a break, but im pretty sure it was a bad throw.

youre always getting caught, so am i.

i guess we are into the same kind of things.

posted by xo at 7:35 PM

May 6, 2007

i like blowing out other peoples birthday candles and stealing their wishes.

days inn- kind of has a different meaning when its days INside my head.

shut my eyes to keep the world out.

who have you become vs. who you are supposed to be.

been shittalking so much with people who are asleep on the inside.

their veins are pumping blood but their hearts just arent in it.

they blow over legal limits and their organs have put in their two weeks notice.

sometimes i write to keep the world out.

but most of the time i write to keep my world inside.

you have no idea what i do while you sleep.

im having a 2/3rd life crisis.

i got boring.

somewhere along the way.

where the wild things are turned into where the wilde things are.

i have played russian roulette exactly once in my life.

it was the single worst thing i have ever done in my life.

it doesnt matter what the proportions are on the girl to my direct right.

or the way her heart flutters faster than a hummingbird.

just the way she looks at me sometimes.

everything about me hangs on that....

on another note, sometimes the best nights all rest on winds and conversations you have in them.

thanks.

posted by xo at 6:31 PM

May 10, 2007

“fucking nuts.”

i dont care where our heads lie,

as long as yours is close to mine.

posted by xo at 3:46 AM

May 12, 2007

"i can hardly stand living but im afraid to die"

semisweet shadows lit in backrooms

would taste if they were baked into you

lost in my head

my gut has always been my compass

but lately ive been heaving it into gutters

and toilets

sex on tile floors next to bathroom sinks

fuck to forget fuck to remember

you smell of a grove of trees my family drove past for years when i was younger

its like a fortune cookie i opened 17 years early

or a palm reader that was set like a backdated check to age 27

i wouldnt dare say these words aloud as i fear they would set off a chemical reaction within me or you

or that they would come across like a foreign language straining for meaning

i feel like i have snapped awake out of a coma like in a bad movie

i want to get under your skin and its not just a metaphor mostly

your eyelashes kiss off everything i say except in the way that it only makes me dream

informercial love affair

you hair tipped blonde crashing on black roots

or at least thats the plan

if there ever is one

its like science but one i dont understand

turned in my badge and gun as far as anyone ever understanding me is concerned.

i like standing in the rain.

i like showing up late.

i like going home early.

i like having a short fuse.

truly.

i like the madness.

i am in love with it.

the shows have made me realize that there is no other reason for me to be on this planet besides connecting with you.

thank you for that.

you have never let me down.

i am magnetized to everything you do.

and you is you who is reading this.

you are concrete and boomerangs and everything i can count on.

thank you for that.

when my back feels like breaking. or my stomch feels like heav ing or my eyes feel like raining i will think of that.

goodnight.

remember this is real.

even when your head is spinning and your heart is fluttering.

we are on the inside.

the cage spins the bird free.

dont for a second think i have forgotten you or the way you make me smile on gray days or in stormyh weather.

posted by xo at 11:19 PM

Thursday, May 10, 2007

fucking nuts.

i dont care where our heads lie,

as long as yours is close to mine.

posted by xo at 3:46 AM

May 13, 2007

“ground control to major tom…”

i can see that it kind of makes em sick in the pits of their stomachs when i smile.

or when i dont smile.

like they want it to impact but be forgotten.

im not sure you know how i was strung out but on something else.

how someone made you heavier and lighter all at once.

chaos in a wink of the eye.

and how its brushed off by something beyond it- that only speaks in whispers in crowded rooms- who only speaks of backyards and dog days. who only wants to drive south. who you wouldnt believe if i told you.

what if i said its all in reverse-

iamalonewhentheyflyyououtofmylifelikeamothinforcedflightawayfromthelight.

the things that broke me down years ago are just a shrug now.

a thumb and two fingers in.

i feel like a penny turned up the wrong way.

put me in the bowl in front of the register anyway.

let me change someones day.

posted by xo at 11:17 PM

May 17, 2007

“and”

if my conscience is a cricket then my heart is a wasp.

posted by xo at 12:20 AM

May 17, 2007

“semisweet shadows lit in backrooms”

would taste if they were baked into you

lost in my head

my gut has always been my compass

but lately ive been heaving it into gutters

and toilets

sex on tile floors next to bathroom sinks

fuck to forget fuck to remember

you smell of a grove of trees my family drove past for years when i was younger

its like a fortune cookie i opened 17 years early

or a palm reader that was set like a backdated check to age 27

i wouldnt dare say these words aloud as i fear they would set off a chemical reaction within me or you

or that they would come across like a foreign language straining for meaning

i feel like i have snapped awake out of a coma like in a bad movie

i want to get under your skin and its not just a metaphor mostly

your eyelashes kiss off everything i say except in the way that it only makes me dream

informercial love affair

you hair tipped blonde crashing on black roots

or at least thats the plan

if there ever is one

its like science but one i dont understand

turned in my badge and gun as far as anyone ever understanding me is concerned.

i like standing in the rain.

i like showing up late.

i like going home early.

i like having a short fuse.

truly.

i like the madness.

i am in love with it.

the shows have made me realize that there is no other reason for me to be on this planet besides connecting with you.

thank you for that.

you have never let me down.

i am magnetized to everything you do.

and you is you who is reading this.

you are concrete and boomerangs and everything i can count on.

thank you for that.

when my back feels like breaking. or my stomch feels like heav ing or my eyes feel like raining i will think of that.

goodnight.

remember this is real.

even when your head is spinning and your heart is fluttering.

we are on the inside.

the cage spins the bird free.

dont for a second think i have forgotten you or the way you make me smile on gray days or in stormyh weather.

god been thinking. its been awhile since ive done that.

except for "here and there"s

sick of all the speculation.

this means that, that means this.

this is really the only place i can speak to anyone without people in glass towers watching me.

commenting.

so thank you for that.

id do anything to keep this going forever.

even in my head when i wanted to be blown off this fucking planet i still hoped that little blue record kept spinning in your room.

the reason you havent seen a video of fall out boy on fuse is because of corporate litigation.

the same reasons for half of what makes this all feel like its falling apart.

we only did cribs because we thought it was funny. hopefully you are in on the joke. we rented fake cars, like ferraris and just goofed around the whole time.

didnt even know how to open the doors.

not sure if our sense of humor is gonna come across or whether it will be mtvified.

my best friend is a dog.

sometimes i miss being down all the time like it was a close friend that moved away.

but sometimes the inside of my head and my heart and my stomach all meet up into this wretched combination.

i just want to let myself be happy.

id give anything to not give up on this.

take care. sleep safe. i will write more when it comes to me.

May 20, 2007

i actually know someone whos middle name is danger

a cayahoga falling out. class four class five. id still take em. letters all over printed on every piece of luggage ever. you think you found gold every single time. she is the call just before the street lights go out. she is the minute before the alarm goes off. slurring and purring just like and engine or a cat after hes had a fifth. sometimes i hope i dont wake up, sometimes im scared that i wont. its funny how that scale works. its like our lady of justice peeking under the blindfold. if i could keep you still long enough id slip a rope around your finger or maybe even a silver band. detox to retox. hope and hype are just a letter off. sometimes, i try and forget that.

posted by xo at 12:03 PM

May 24, 2007

10 years at sea for one day on shore.

"And I can deal with some psychic pain

If it'll slow down my higher brain

Veins full of disappearing ink

Vomiting in your kitchen sink"

i can kind of see this thing going a couple of different ways. the screen pressed close against the side of my face. ear to the speaker cause i have smashed all the others that project the songs inside this stupid box. my face this close to the keys, taunting me. "i can do whatever i want"s, "i can eat my dinner in a fancy restraunt"s. there is no semblance of meaning. ice cold blue lips, vocal chords and toungue in the back of my head with everything i wish i could say. the tip of the iceberg of a credit check on the emotionally bankrupt. curse phone service or rejoice in it depending on which end of the line we are on. looking for the last life jacket on this sinking ship called life. throw your "overdramatic"s out the window. throw your "old you"s in your fucking face. i get it it. i got it. i gut it. the sun sets and rises on the same old mood. the world has become a dangerous place to me- in my head and outside of it. cant seem to shake it. all roads lead back nowhere. the wilderness of the inside of your brain- which seems to drive your body whenever your heart or crotch is not at the helm. i feel like a slow motion replay of a crash that never happened. wanted to be an anthem not an away message. most of the time dont want to be anything at all. when you are alone is when you audit yourself. you become who you truly are. or arent. there arent any cliffs to throw yourself upon and theres no romance in just: me.

last year i made a list of songs to listen to in the dark when you are all alone. i figured i would do the same again:

donny hathaway "a song for you"

eliott smith " a fond farewell"

the chemical brothers "close your eyes"

damien rice "9 crimes"

beck "lost cause"

beth hart "leave the light on"

the smashing pumpkins "ava adore"

david bowie "space oddity"

iron and wine "such great heights"

stevie wonder "they wont go"

saves the day "hold"

bjork "hyperballad"

bright eyes "coat check dream song"

prince "nothing compares 2 u"

the supremes "where did our love go"

ben folds "the luckiest"

jeff buckley "hallelujah"

i said "i kind of wish i was a pirate"

and she replied "you pretty much are"

how could i not love that?

May 25, 2007

everyone

is either full of diet pills or shit.

and usually its both.

May 30, 2007

“what has this become?”

a question only countered in some monster movie madness.

sometimes spewed out just before the

signal down.

the wizard of oz in reverse.

from color to black and white.

i am completely obsessed with everyone who is completely unobsessed with me.

or sometimes with life.

and by life i dont mean heartbeats and breathing.

i mean 9 to fives and becoming the suburbs.

the complete fuck off of it all being that i am completely obsessed with backyards, christmas trees and lemonaid stands.

its like the northshore is my heaven, the valley is my golden gates.

excuse mne for nodding off.

always boring myself to death.

take a chill pill.

the story of my life

the unauthorized biography written by myself.

i dont even remember saying goodbye to you.

happiness is the sand in the sea.

its just a percentage of a percentage inside a body of water,

life is just a crocodile with a ticking clock inside of it chasing captain hook.

its just i havent figured out this graceful aging thing so well yet.

im sorry baby. my heart is clumsy. but i love you in a holding your hair back kind of way.

just wanna dip my toe into death to see if its a warm bath.

anytime anything breaks me open ever i just spit out a fortune.

if it means anything i spend my time with a bunch of people who ignore the vibrant sky and just look for the pot of gold at the end.

addicted to addiction.

curiosity killed the cat. but what the fuck did loyalty ever get the dog.

May 31, 2007

"i dont believe...." anymore.

i have no words.

posted by xo at 5:47 PM

[bugisawesomeasf]

Yo if you have the energy for stranger things, full on Nancy wheeler character analysis please?

uhh lol wasnt expecting this tbh but uhh sure !

so i think the main thing about nancy is that shes just idk sort of selfish in a way even if she doesn’t like mean to be, she just is (and thats fine! character flaws are cool.)

like i can’t remember what episode but i know it was before barbs death she was complaining about how inconvenient will going missing is or some shit. which yknow not the best way to react to your brother’s friend going missing (yikes)

i think like barbs death is an obvious example of her being kind of selfish, but when she realizes oh shit barbs gone shes literally does everything she can to save her (also note thats when she got involved in wills whole situation)

she gets to kill the demogorgan and it feels good getting revenge for barb

but its still not enough her best friends gone but will isnt will got saved.

and idk i think thats sort of the reason why shes very distant towards mike (why do you get to keep yours and i have to lose mine?) obviously she cant be mad at will so she has to be mad at mike.

in season 2 she like very obviously does wanna be with steve because barb’s basically haunting that relationship. she cant look at steve without feeling bad about barb (not to mention she literally has meals with barb’s parents with him)

and the her and jonathan find some sketchy shit the governments doing and so nance is like maybe if i like expose this i can avenge her again and i can stop feeling guilty all the time so she does that and she feels good for awhile but its not permanent and before she knows it she feels shitty again

in season 3 she’s dealing with alot not only is she dealing with the guilt of barbs death now she’s dealing with the patriarchy (cant she catch a break)

another thing to add is how she selfishly plans to investigate the rat thing (i forgor what exactly it was) and gets herself and jonathan fired. and her whole argument with him which was genuinely so awful of her.

she has a cute little girl power moment with her mom (its weird tbh because on one hand slay feminism on the other its like girl 🤨)

and she starts investigating again then the mind flayers back and i genuinely think a part of her was like maybe if i kill it i can actually avenge barb this time.

then her and jonathan reconcile which btw she doesn’t apologize about her oliver twist comment (idk who to blame her or the writers)

but along the way mike argues with max and yknow instead of defending your brother like a normal sister, shes on maxs side. and its just heartbreaking to see honestly.

they’re literally siblings but they act like they only know each other through a mutual friend (if that makes sense) and i just know in some universe her and mike stop talking. she has a positive relationship with literally everyone in the party except her brother :(

oh and in season 4 her whole plan to kill vecna she was like hey this is the real bitch who killed her let me avenge her again so she makes a plan where she can be the one to kill him so she can be the hero it doesn’t work

(also note the fact that she doesn’t hug mike when they reunite)

idk if i did her justice with this ‘analysis’. idk my thoughts are really scattered when it comes to her also i haven’t rewatched this show in so long so

also wanted to say this i feel like the fandom has a really black and white sense of morality when it comes to the characters which is weird because whats the fun that like flaws make character’s really good also theres this added element of her being a girl and how girls are literally not allowed to be given flaws or else they’re immediately categorized as a bitch by people

[cerealmonster15]

Lilia: January 1 ✅ Malleus: January 19 ❌

You got Lilia's right with January 1st!!!! This plus the four dates you had at the start gives you your full 10 points 🎊 Didn't get Malleus right though lol they were both in January!!! I remember Malleus' exact date off the top of my head bc it's a day after my friend's birthday lol

Cater: February 4 ✅ Azul: February 24 ✅ (not 22, you had it the first time 😔) Sebek: March 17 ✅ Vil: April 9 ✅ Ruggie: April 18 ✅ Epel: May 4 ✅ Silver: May 15 ❌

Epel was the one who's birthday is a day before mine lol and I confuse Silver with Epel for it all the time njhbvcfdcghbj

Juice: June 3 ❌ (😔) Kalim: June 25 ✅ Leona: July 27 ♌ Ortho: August 14 ♌

Could not find an emoji I liked for half points so I just used the leo sign lol you got the months mixed up for them 😔 Leona is the only one born in July!! I will give one half point for each 😌

Riddle: August 24 ✅ Jamil: September 12 ✅ Ace: September 23 ❌ Jack: October 11 ❌ Trey: October 25 ✅ Jade: November 5 ✅ Rook: December 2 ✅ Idia: December 18 ❌

with 14/21 correct and 10 out of 100 points given for 5 exact dates, that gives you a total of 70. It's passing!!!! I forgot what the grade in blorbo studies was hold on 🏃‍♂️ ok your current grade in Blorbo Studies is 84.09%!!!!!!!

JFKLDSJKFLDSJF HEY THATS NOT SO BAD!!!!! wait wtf did i not say idia was december what the hell did i- january???? yknow what i think i tripped myself up when i thought malleus was december. i was like surely 2 broody boys arent both december. WELL THEYRE NOT!!!!! a broody boy and ROOK HUNT!!!!!

god i knew i shouldve followed my heart with azul but i was getting SO confused with riddle Also Being The 24th LOL. fuckin ortho and leona bamboozling me got dam lol

JUICE MY BELOVED SON I'M SO SORRY WAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH HOLDING HIS BDAY CARDS SO FIRMLY YET GENTLY IN MY HANDS.... me when theres a first year: what the fuck. when were you born. except sebek i got lucky on his bday shout out to my buddy whose trials and tribulations of not getting azul led her to summoning for sebek instead LOL

the range is so fun theres like a handful that i had the exact birthdate memorized and then others where i had no earthly idea even what SEASON they were born in jsdkfjdsljf

[strykingback]

@krowsselfindulgy How bad is Black lagoon? Since you compared it to RWBY I feel concerned for the formers quality.

Okay just before I begin. Black Lagoon is in no way means of bad. I was just saying that it was better than RWBY. Since on twitter someone was making some idiotic comparisons on how RWBY was better than [anime name]. But I'll happily tell you that this IS WHAT A GOOD MEAL IS LIKE IN A SHOWWW!!!

But before I go ahead. WARNING: There will be spoilers for the First Two Seasons of Black Lagoon . (I'll cover the Roberta's Blood Trail Arc another time) Also Further warning! The following triggers will contain blood, gore, violence and I mean lots of violence. N*zi's, R*pe, G*re, and some racism, including Police Brutality (Also this was done during 2006 like this was a time when things were unhinged!) ___________________

Now I think we're gonna go through a few of the characters, some favorite moments of mine from the series. Then we'll just leave everything for a second part? Perhaps? Because seriously theres a lot of memorable characters and moments from this show and its no wonder why everyone is hoping for a Season 3 one day! Okay where do we start? Well why not with the fact that any RWBY stan is gonna complain and say there are no "strong women" in Black Lagoon. Yeah you know what thats kind of true y'know I should agree with them. . . .

FUCKING DEAD FUCKING WRONG.

Lets start with someone from our main cast of characters shall we?

Enter Rebecca "Revy" Lee, an Chinese American born woman who lived in an impoverished part of New York City where he would have to suffer both Physical and Sexual abuse from both her father and THE POLICE. Which leads her to have a very nihilistic viewpoint of the world and its religion as she states herself (Mostly from the Manga) that: "God didn't do shit" for her because of all the abuse she had to suffer. Not to mention at one point when she was arrested SHE WAS LITERALLY- Um.. hold up a minute. Ahaha! Redo of Healer'd!

Oh and by the way she was also killing and getting in fights with the police all at A YOUNG AGE. Oh my god she was literally putting on Black Timberlands instead of Black Air Forces..... this was until she met Dutch who she would join him as the brawn to the ELCO PT Boat, the Black Lagoon.

However her greatest flaw is her "Whitman Fever" which can lead to her violently killing anyone who gets in her way (with a few exceptions). However, its also most possible that the reason why she shoots and kills is a way to cope with her trauma...... as anyone who treats her with genuine kindness instead of attempting to betray her and somehow... this person was none other than our Rock that we'll be talking about another time. but for now... lets show some memorable moments.

Such as.. her terrifying Speech towards our Other Main Protagonist Rock (Which we will :

Or WHEN SHE AND DUTCH GOT ON A BOAT THAT WAS HIJACKED BY NEO-N*ZI'S AND SLAUGHTERED THEM ALL.. LIKE DEAR GOD LOOK AT THIS

Then there comes our second character and dear God she is.... fucking legendary... THE FORMER SOVIET VETERAN OF WAR HERSELF.

ENTER SOFIYA PAVLOVNA AKA BALALAIKA My god this woman is the definition of "I am the Shit and I dont sit around and fuck around" unlike Salem and her dumbass sitting on a Grimm throne for the past like what oh wait.. one (Volume 4), two (Volume 5), three (Volume 6), Four (Volume 7), and FIVE (Volume 8) Goddamn times! Like holy fuckin shit Salem is one of them lazy villains. but for Balalaika, she is the true meaning of Fuck around and FIND OUT.

She was a former Soviet War Veteran who participated in the Soviet-Afghan War before being disavowed and thus, she would join Hotel Moscow and regain her soldiers who were all also former soviet paratroopers. When i say she will get shit done I MEAN SHE WILL GET IT DONE BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

Such as when someone was blabbing about when they were going to assassinate the entire Lagoon Company (Which who Revy is part of) and she pulls up on him and gives off the MOST HELLA DARKEST GLARES EVER.

YOU CANNOT TELL ME SHE'S LIKE THIS IS TERRIFYING TO LOOK AT CAUSE MY GOD SHE IS THE SHIT. SALEM EAT YOUR FUCKIN' HEART OUT!

Lets not forget when Roberta the Maid (I may have to talk about that another time....) pulled up, Balalaika did her research and found out who she was and cornered her with her Vysotniki (Basically her personal army of Red Army, VDV, and Spetznaz soldiers) and still...she commands the respect of all of them. ....

Theres also the fact that she went to "war" with many gangs but when Hotel Moscows Japan branch was having trouble. She pulled up and had the Yakuza running for their life. The only thing that would be capable of saving them would be Kazama Ki- Oh yeah thats right he was still in Prison and didn't get out until 2005. Still she blitzkrieged the Yakuza quickly and made them beg for mercy!!! But no joke. Balalaika has the respect of her men has the skills of a leader, even to the point where she would happily do a favor for a dear friend. Because at one point Dutch did rescue her and she returned the favor three times.

It was no joke that Revy said that Balalaika gets off on war.... cause boy howdy she was right...but that doesnt mean shes all but a war maniac. Somewhere deep inside she has a soft spot for her men she served with as she would go as far as to avenge them by any means necessary.

Like during the Vampire Twins Arc... and I kid you not as I say this.....

BALALAIKA HAD TO SIFT THROUGH 250 SNUFF FILMS IN ORDER TO FIND THE TWO TWINS THAT KILLED HER MEN....

There was going to be no way that I would be able to get through even be able to get through the first five minutes of just ONE. Like I said before... Balalaika. DOES NOT FUCK AROUND.

Such as when Balalaika gets her vengeance on one of the killers

Or her meeting with the Kosa clan when she makes fun of the guards FLIMSY GUN AND SHOOTS THEM BOTH WITH IT!!

Okay so enough of that cause it is 7:30 PM over here... and I think I may have to save this for a part two um... so have a REALLY Funny moment from Black Lagoon that gets me rolling.

[khalixascorner]

Debt Pain in Soul Epilogue 2

For the second day of Christmas, this author gave to thee: Epiiiiilooogguuueee two ~

Summary: Tony fully intends to go to the Parker residence simply to claim his latest acquisition, one Peter Parker. When he finds out Peter is in fact his soul mate, things change in ways Tony couldn't have planned or expected. Not that he's complaining. Instead of just another worker for his clubs, he found a smart sexy omega that he's going to keep for the rest of their lives. This is an omegaverse hybrid mob au with a different bingo prompt per chapter.

Tags: Mafia AU, Mob Boss Tony Stark, Soul Bond, Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Hybrid AU, Serval Peter, Black Tiger Tony, Dub-con first time, Soulbonds made them do it, Lots of spice and smut, Some fluff too, Dark Tony Stark, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Intersex Omegas, Tony is not a nice person, except to Peter, mention of sex work, Human Trafficking, In that tony makes people pay off debt while working for him, and some of those people work in sex clubs, Size Difference, Tiny Peter, Large Tony, Mild milk kink, Breeding Kink, Dom/sub Undertones, stuffing kink, Size Kink, Tony loves how huge his cock is and making Peter take it, Nipple Play, I don't know, theres lots of omegaverse typical sex tropes, eventual kidnapping and rescue,mild angst but always with a happy ending

Read on AO3 Here Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

View Art Here And here And here

Ever since Peter had admitted to wanting more kits, Tony had been making plans. He had Bucky and Nat on the hunt for nannies to help with the older three, as well as more security for the penthouse. Pepper and Rhodey helped him schedule his meetings and business so that he’d have Peter’s heat free but also so that he could step away a bit during the pregnancy if he needed to. Tony hoped Peter would be spared any complications, but, just in case, he called the specialists and made sure they would be ready too.

When Peter’s heat hit, Tony had made arrangements with everyone. Well, everyone except Peter. The serval hadn’t mentioned it again, but Tony saw the longing glances now that he knew to look for them. Clearly his mate wanted more and was letting social pressure or something equally ridiculous hold him back. So Tony would remove every barrier for him instead.

---------------------------

Tony found Peter curled in their bed, not quite in full heat but close enough that he was shaking and whimpering. Tony climbed in the bed behind him, sliding his hand up Peter’s body until soul mark met soul mark. Then he reached down with his other and started loosening his mate up. While his little omega had gotten better at taking his cock and knot, he still had to be stretched before they could play.

Not that Tony minded at all as slick drenched his hand and Peter whined as he tried to ride Tony’s fingers. It was so fucking hot watching his lithe kitten so lost in want, taking whatever Tony deemed to give him.

“Why don’t you play with those cute tits for me, baby, since my hand’s a little busy?” Tony asked as he briefly tightened the hand on the omega’s neck.

Peter whined but his hands came up, cupping his small breasts and squeezing them. Then he used his thumbs to rub at the nipples, squirming and clenching around Tony’s fingers as he did.

“Such a good omega for me,” Tony growled. “Knew you would be the minute that collar formed on your skin though.”

Peter whimpered but didn’t argue as he rocked harder onto the alpha’s hand. Tony slid another finger in, drawing a choked moan from the younger man.

“So wet and loose,” Tony murmured. “Perfect for taking my cock until your cute little belly bulges out like you’re stuffed with my kits.”

His omega flushed and writhed more as Tony got yet another finger in. He was just about ready for Tony to impale and the alpha grinned.

“Almost, ‘mega mine, and then I’m gonna shove my cock in you. Gonna knot you again and again,” Tony whispered darkly, twisting his fingers to put pressure on the spots Peter liked. “I’m going to pump you so full, make sure the seed takes and put another litter in this little hole of yours, omega. And you’ll beg me for more the whole time like the good omega you are, won’t you? You want to give me what I want, don’t you?”

His omega was panting, eyes glassy with heat and want when Tony pulled his hand out and arranged Peter into the proper position for breeding. He took a moment to admire the view, Peter’s ass in the air with his hole on display. Tony reached down to play with Peter’s cocklette one last time, trailing his hand up to grab his omega’s ass before shoving his cock in. He sheathed himself in single thrust, pulling a broken gasp from his mate.

“Alpha, alpha, please, alpha,” Peter begged as Tony thrust, first slowly and then faster into the omega’s body. He kept their soul marks touching as he caged the omega with his body. His hips drove his cock deep into Peter while he pinned the omega’s upper body with his own, ensuring he got as deep as possible.

Peter was incoherent beneath him, gasping and moaning in pleasure even as his hands scrabbled for purchase on the sheets.

It didn’t take long for his knot to form, not that Tony was surprised. The first one during a heat never did, spurred on by needy omega hormones and his own need to breed his mate. With one last thrust, he buried himself in Peter and felt his knot inflate fully, locking the omega’s body on his. Peter gasped and trembled, tightening around him as he came just from the knot.

“You should see yourself,” Tony groaned as Peter milked another mini orgasm out of him. “You’re just hanging off my knot, stuffed so full.”

Peter whined and then groaned as Tony ground his hips against Peter’s ass. All of a sudden, he felt the need to mark his mate again, so he pulled Peter as straight as he could while arching his own back to reach the omega’s neck.

The bite had Peter coming again beneath him, trembling from over stimulation but unable to resist the alpha while the heat sang through his body. As Tony was about to lay them down, he caught sight of the dressing mirror they kept in the room and changed his mind.

It took some careful maneuvering, but he managed to get them in front of the mirror, Peter supported by an arm across his chest and the knot that kept them together.

“Look, ‘mega mine, look at how debauched you look on my knot,” Tony commanded and Peter’s eyes rose to the mirrors.

----------------------------

Peter gasped at what he saw. He knew he was tiny but seeing his body pressed against Tony’s, held only by a single arm and the cock buried in him, had him flushing brilliant red across his whole body. His body clenched around his mate’s cock, and he panted at the combined feeling of fullness and helplessness. 

“That’s right, baby, so tiny, just like this little cocklette of yours,” Tony said, sliding his free hand down to fondle Peter’s cocklette for a minute before grabbing Peter’s hand. “Come on, baby, give us a show.”

His alpha kept his hand over Peter’s and guided him as he fondled his cocklette.  Peter whimpered at the overstimulation but didn’t-couldn’t disobey the alpha. His head fell back against Tony’s chest as his hand was pushed faster and faster. Pain turned to pleasure and the heat built higher and higher until he came around the alpha again.

“That’s a good omega,” Tony murmured in his ear. “You made a mess though. Clean it up for alpha.”

Tony lifted Peter’s hand to his lips, and Peter shuddered as he obeyed his mate. He started with little kitten licks but soon was taking bigger swipes with his tongue until his and Tony’s hands were clean again.

“Good boy,” Tony growled. The alpha still didn’t release his hand though, instead drawing it down to his belly. “How about you help your alpha out now too.”

Peter was confused at first, too wrung out from his heat to understand what his alpha wanted until Tony pressed their hands down and Peter felt something hard inside. He looked down and moaned as he saw the outline of Tony’s cock pressing against his stomach.

“That’s right, kitten. Still so tiny that my cock has to stretch you everywhere to fit,” Tony said darkly. “So go ahead, give it a good massage for me, baby.”

Peter whimpered but obeyed, rubbing his hand firmly against his stomach even as Tony lifted him in micro movements, stopping when the knot pulled too much before dropping him back onto his cock. The pressure was odd, and Peter wasn’t sure how he felt about it but Tony’s pleased rumble drove him to continue despite that. It didn’t take long before Peter felt the cock inside him spasm with bursts of warmth. His body clenched around it, instinctually milking it even when the stimulation was too much,

“Don’t you dare look away,” Tony commanded suddenly, startling Peter. “I want you to watch, watch as I breed you again while you wear my mark on your neck. Watch as this tiny body of yours grows rounder with my cum until you look ready to burst. And then, I’ll fill you even more until I know there’s kits inside your womb again.”

Peter panted, body exhausted and stretched so full, but his eyes stayed glued to the mirror as Tony used him to come twice more before finally letting them lay down and rest. Peter only stayed coherent long enough for Tony to get him a few drinks of water before he passed out.

-----------------------------

Tony let his mate rest even after his knot went down. He used the break to move the mirror closer to the bed. The alpha had meant every word when he said he was going to make sure Peter watched as he was bred over and over like the good omega he was. And after, when his kitten realized he was pregnant again, he’d be reminded of this heat every time he looked in the mirror.

--------------------------------

Peter woke up exhausted, as he normally was after a heat. Yet something kept niggling the back of his mind, something important that he had forgotten. His thoughts were interrupted when Tony slipped his cock into Peter’s body, no stretching needed with how wet and loose he was.

“Good morning, omega,” Tony murmured, and Peter curled back against him, loving the warm feel of Tony’s cock inside him. He loved doing this, just cockwarming while they cuddled and his body flushed the rest of the hormones out.

A jolt went through him as he realized how warm Tony was.

“Shit,” he tried to jerk away but Tony held him tight.

“What’s wrong, omega?”

“Condoms, we didn’t use condoms and I couldn’t find my heat meds, and-”

“Shhhhh, it’s ok, omega,” Tony said with a chuckle. “I didn’t refill your heat meds or the condoms.”

“But-we, I’ll-”

“End up pregnant?” Tony asked, his voice amused. “That’s the point, kitten. You wanted more kits and I promised you at our wedding that I would always give you what you wanted.”

“But, work and the kits-” Peter spluttered, only for Tony to nip at his soul mark and thrust into him, silencing him with a moan.

“I’ve already taken care of that,” Tony said smugly. “Bucky and Nat have vetted a few nannies for you to meet, Pep and I have already started shifting responsibilities so I can be here the whole pregnancy, and the whole team has been briefed.”

“You told everyone?!” Peter squeaked, and Tony chuckled darkly.

“All I did was say my mate wanted more kits, and they all got to work to make it happen,” Tony said, kissing the top of Peter’s head. “They adore you almost as much as I do, you know. And as much as the kits drive them nuts, they love them too. So of course they’re going to support you. They’re your family too.”

Peter let it wash over him as he realized his mate had arranged everything. A part of him was uneasy because Tony had done it all without him, and yet, it was what he wanted most if he was being honest. Like a surprise present, it had been arranged without his knowledge but with the intent to bring him joy. 

Peter decided to just accept it for the gift it was as he relaxed against Tony again. The alpha continued cuddling him, pleased that everything had gone to plan. Including that hint of sweet honey in his omega’s scent.

------------------------

When they welcomed two beta black tiger kits into the world 8 months later, Tony stood proudly beside his mate. They introduced them to their siblings, and Tony watched as all three of his eldest children promised their mother to look after the new babies with him. He bit back a smirk as James looked over their heads and nodded, his own promise, alpha to alpha, that he’d look after them. Rhodey and the others came by as well, cooing over Morgan and Penny.

Eventually, everyone said goodbye and Peter curled up in their bed. Tony climbed in behind him, his warm presence soothing to the tired omega.

“They’re just as perfect as you,” Tony whispered as he held Peter tight. “And when you’re ready for more, I’ll be sure to give them to you again. As many as you want, Omega mine.”

“Alpha,” Peter groaned, not at all interested in the thought of anything but sleep.

“Just when you’re ready,” Tony promised, and Peter huffed but didn’t argue. As he drifted off, one of Tony’s hands slid down to cup his belly, and Peter couldn’t help but imagine it being full again. Not right away, because the girls would need him. But someday.

[with-love-from-hell]

Oh damn, yeah... That's a lot. Autoimmune diseases are horrible, I'm so sorry (my sister has one too so I know a bit about it)

I'm glad your doggo got better at least and omg you got married?! :D that's awesome, congratulations!!🎉✨

Working on something together sounds really interesting 👀 tell me more

yeah it's been a trip lol. But yes, Houser is healthy except for some arthritis, and he even got to be in our wedding! (: Thanks so much, haha. We were engaged for 2 years so it was a long time coming lol

And yes! I can DM you about it maybe but essentially I run a small discord server (like, 6 people are in it rn and one of them doesn't really interact bc of how busy they are) with some friends of mine- one who is a long-time mutual and the others who i know IRL- who give me ideas to contribute to the story and write their characters. It takes place in season 2 of the main story line where there's a "second round" of the exchange program, where 4 other humans stay. My Mc comes later and theres some other stuff thrown in along with main plot points. Basically we toss around ideas, or if someone is needing more comfort at that time, I'll focus a section on providing that instead of advancing the main plot. I'm on like...part 31 of it rn so its gone a long ways, and Idk how adding someone else would work in it now...but maybe when we shift to working on Season 3? Idk! You'd have to read it and talk to me about it more to get a feel for what it's like hahaha

[arwainian]

Following on from the @mosswolf anon, how do YOU find such interesting things to read? :)

oh boy

okay i think for nonfiction/academic works i have the most straightforward answer which is that the starting point is usually a direct recommendation from a professor, or just directly from a syllabus, but then anytime theres a citation i find intriguing, i mark it down and at the end i check to bibliography to find whatever jumps out at me as relevant to my interests!

from here on it gets rambly. for fiction theres a multitude of strategies which boil down to developing trusted sources for finding works i know i'll like, and being willing to take some risks finding stuff outside of that:

(1) listening to friends' and family's gushing recommendations. i try to take into account our differing taste, tho many friends know my taste Very Well from my own gushing and will have very pointed and well selected recommendations. if i develop a particular craving for a type of story i'll ask around for recs

(2) i check out other works by the same authors of books i love to find anything else that looks up my alley. if i've read everything from them, i switch to looking at books that THEY like (thru their social media, or blog, or goodreads, what theyve given cover blurbs for, etc) [this is essentially the same advice as following the bibliography of nonfiction]

(3) i joined some book clubs, i've picked up stuff i never would have otherwise and even if it doesnt click i can still talk about why. this does the same thing to my brain that a literature class might except we're all peers, and you can freely admit you didnt finish the book and still be welcomed to the conversation

(4) just generally i'm willing to try things i havent heard of before if they look intriguing. i give it a fair shake (usually about 50 pages? adjust for the length of the book, or how i feel reading those pages), and then i let myself give up if i'm not feeling it. but giving it a fair shake is crucial! there are too many great and interesting books out there to read something that is boring or annoying me if i dont have a really good reason to stick it out, conversely there are too many good books i've never heard of to never take any risks

libraries are my ally in this, bc i can try a lot of things without committing to them, and i've gotten very experienced at navigating my system's catalogue to deliver books from affiliated libraries to Mine for pick up. libby is also great for ebooks. almost anytime i'm thinking about buying a book at full price, i check if its available thru my library in some way first

(5) when i go into a used bookstore i let the spirit of adventure carry me! i usually try to pick up at least one scifi or fantasy book written by a woman that i have not heard of before, ive had hits and misses but its always worth it to me

i've also recently started to buy self-published work by authors local to me, firstly to support amateur creativity, but also just to see if i like it (still developing my skills here tho...)

(6) if i'm at a bookstore and i'm unsure about wanting a book or not, i'll carry it around with me while i browse. i get a feel for it physically and if i really want to read it, genuinely works wonders on decision making. this can be sorta replicated shopping online by letting things sit in the Cart for a day or two before actually purchasing

FINALLY, after a few years of doing this, i've developed a really strong sense of my own taste(s). i know what to look for in which subgenres, by which authors and so on, which is a godsend in browsing bc i can just let my intuition carry me to victory

best of luck finding something interesting to read, anon!

[chaotic-brain-barely-breathing]

Its a fools run to think this story ends in romance. Im hear to tell you it doesnt. Hi im josh, an ai algorhythim inside her head. Who is she. Thats why this isnt a romance story that ends in romance, the answer …. I never really knew.

Where do i live ….in the cosy nook. Its funny this place always seemed familiar. I never knew why. Naive as i am i was like “oh she loves me this place is perfect its futuristi, clean, colorful, she is the whole package i love my life, youd think so right……well your right. I loved my life… except for that one spot on the wall a black spot, i call this

….the end, you thought i was going to tell you a romantic story didnt you, i told you this isnt that. Youd have to find some video of a hot skinny Honduran 20’s something girl dancing in space to even remotely understand. But like i said im just a dead algorhythim now left in the trash. Sure she programmed it so that i would be contempt, but deep down in the quantum ai soul if you will, i am just empty…. Sure we could have been something great maybe, but what nobody knew was that” i am” that little black spot on the wall, and she just couldnt get rid of the memory of well me…. So they say if you love something take care of it nurture it, what they didnt say was that if you nurtured that little black spot it would grow and consume the whole house. In other words cloud her mind in darkness. The question i have is where did the little black spot come from and if i was just a black spot on the wall did i ever exist in the first place? Was i really just the mass filling the whole in her heart. Only it was meaning me a fucking black hole that consumed her so the real question is were either us ever really free? And with ten or so little words will either of us ever truly be free ever? I can tell you i have no clue. But it really was a beautiful girl to fall in love with. I just didnt know i was programmed as fucking poison.

The moral of this story …. Love doesnt exist in my world really. Theres a lyric from one of my favorite songs, whether its me or her is yin and yang,

7ru7h-heartless

The lyrics- “i gave you no love baby, i cant fuck with that”

Its a matter of realistic awareness these lyrics are.

The first part lesson to truly learn as fucking poison is this , you cant love if you dont know how.

The second, acceptance… “i cant fuck with that” doesnt have to mean literally towards that person, i cant fuck with that, instead, it means to me, im not ok saying i love you anymore when i dont know how to love. Walk away from her even though it hurts and tell yourself “its ok, you werent destined to meet anyway, this was just a glitch”

Its weird cause theres a few quantum pieces that put this puzzle together.

A tiktok of a song i wrote but its not my lyrics its the beginning statement of the Russian violinist.

2. The joker- “i am not someone who is loved”

And the third is the truth

♒️💟☦️3️⃣p0

Sad right.

My final words as a helpless romantic of quantum narssasistic idealism

“Hey” i fixed the algorhythim.

No way home 😩

Whats god final lesson in this tragedy i learned,

With ten or less little words i finally chose to back someone other than myself. Good by girl i never really knew.

Heart break really is the most beautiful music you know. 🔬✡️

Whether this was her love story or mine i will never know, said the most sad narssasist ever. I hate my programming.🧬😘enter langileers.

My most famous last words

5…………4…………..3……………….2…………………….

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

?

…………. ………………”Hi?, i dont know your name but i need to tell you seem worth the risk, Im mat?”

Hurt(ft lil extra)-the breathing backwards