#except saeyoungs he gets the secret endings

[pastelsapphy]

my brain: what if you just made a bunch of video compilations of mysme characters using their various terms of endearment

me: stop giving me ideas saeran's my love took four hours

[natasha-in-space]

Okay, okay, but can we talk about the implications of the RFA preparing us these gingerbread cookies? I know they made it look all neat and tidy for us (Saeran and Jumin wouldn't have it any other way), but there is definitely a story of a completely destroyed kitchen behind them.

I can see it going two ways: Either they each made a cookie individually, or they mitigated responsibilities between one another. For the sake of this being funnier, let's go with the first option!

Yoosung is likely to take a few attempts to complete his cookie. Not because he is bad at it (he was forced to help out making gingerbread cookies with his family almost every Christmas), but because he wants to make it perfect! After all, it's for their party coordinator! And he wants to impress you! Overall, he does a clean enough job, and his cookie turns out in a way that leaves him proud. If only Saeyoung didn't prank him once or twice in the process, that redheaded rascal!

Zen will definitely need some help. I'm sorry, I know he can cook and he is willing to learn for you, but as of now, he is rusty as heck. Surviving on nothing but salads, beer, and occasional snacks will not turn him into a good baker. He will try to follow the recipe, but he will either end up messing up, or he'll get all huffy about the cookie not looking right, and not representing his true beauty. He wants his cookie to be as handsome as he is! (Jaehee will enthusiastically agree to this statement) Actually, I can see Jaehee being the one to help him out. Maybe even in secret from everyone else, so he wouldn't get teased about it. Plus, Jaehee is just as motivated to make this cookie perfect!

Speaking of Jaehee, just like with everything else she does, she will do her job quickly and perfectly. No fuss, no muss. She'll be very clean about it too. It's like she wasn't even there in the kitchen. I don't even have much to say about her, because she's just too responsible and diligent for her own good. No silly gags, just a perfectly baked delicious cookie. She'll be very proud of it, too. Make sure to compliment her! She'll get all giggly about it for sure.

Jumin is... He can bake. In fact, he is a very good baker due to his natural ability to follow given instructions precisely. But, the problem with Jumin isn't that he can't cook or bake, as it's often assumed, it's that he gets too damn curious for his own good. He is like a cat. A creature of curiosity. Will try doing different techniques and adding new things, just to see what will turn out. He finds baking to be like a science and is captivated by it. Everyone in the RFA are horrified. It's like watching the ticking bomb go off. Everyone except for Jihyun. That man is just chuckling away in the corner and occasionally poking fun at his friend, because he knew it would end up that way. Although he will have to step in, once Jumin decides to try something a bit too crazy. Can't have their party coordinator shocked in a not so pleasant way! Jumin will still present you with an entire collection of gingerbread cookies later, though. He's too proud not to. What an absolute dork.

Speaking of Jihyun, I don't know why, but I always pictured him as a pretty bad cook and baker. I don't have any canon evidence for it, this is just pure headcanon territory. He will try. Dear Lord, he will try his absolute best for you. But, his gingerbread cookies will turn out looking just as sad and skrunkly as he is. It's like a curse. He might just come to terms with his cookie looking as miserable as ever, but I like to imagine Yoosung helping him out in the end! Just because I'd like to see them bond in a cute and happy way for once. Who knows, maybe this will become a new tradition of theirs! Yoosung teaching Jihyun an art of cooking and baking. And, I think Jihyun really does view it as an art. Then again, his artistic nature can make even the most mundane of things into a beautiful metaphor for something. He just needs someone by his side to watch out for any smoke.

Saeran is one step behind Jaehee when it comes to getting the job done. He's a bit more messy, because he likes to have fun while baking (especially when he's preparing something for you), and he will definitely prepare a good batch of different variations, before he decides on the final one. Funny thing about Saeran is that the kitchen will be squeaky clean, but he will be covered in flour, frosting, and other things. He doesn't know how it happened. No one does. But, it does give his brother some opportunities for playful teasing. Much to Saeran's exasperation (but there is a smile on his face as he huffs and puffs at Saeyoung's jokes, and it melts his twin's heart for sure). Also, he will prepare gingerbread cookies for Ray and Suit, but will leave them to give those two to you later in person. These are special.

And, last but not least, we have the final boss. The one who turns a cute idea to surprise you into a raging disaster. The man behind the slaughter. Saeyoung Choi. Boy, oh boy. It's true that no one wanted to allow him to bake. Everyone was aware of what was to come. But, once they saw that painfully familiar sparkle of inspiration in those golden eyes of his? That wicked grin that just screamed of mischief? His numerous babbles in the chatroom about 101 facts regarding gingerbread cookies? It was obvious. There was no going back. Only forward. He would bake that cookie with or without them. And, Saeran would much rather be nearby if something caught on fire. The cookie you see on the plate is adorable. It's perfect. Tasty. But, there is a story of true terror behind it. Dozens of fallen gingerbread cookies, lost at the hands of a mad redheaded genuis who was having way too much fun mixing ingredients that should never be mixed. How in the world did he get flour onto the ceiling? No one knows. Why is there a batch of Dr Pepper flavored cookies laying on the counter? Why, that's another mystery added to the pile. Did he create some kind of ungodly invention or a full on robo-arm to make cookies for him? Ask Vanderwood for that.

[marshmallowprotection]

My favorite personal hc for Saeyoung is he tans easily (opposed to his brother, who for some reason I feel like burns more easily). I LOVEEE Saeyoung with a tan. He probably gets one once he can finally live an stress-free life full of fishing.

See, I am totally down with this headcanon. Saeyoung's had way more opportunities to enjoy the sunshine compared to his brother over the years, and I've no doubt it shows in his complexion. Saeran didn't have the sun exposure Saeyoung did. Saeran couldn't leave his house as a little boy except when Saeyoung snuck him out, and that typically didn't happen unless it was afternoon or early morning due to their mother's drinking habits.

Even with the time Saeran spent at the cathedral, I've no doubt the nuns, Rika, and V had to slather him in sun screen because he had such sensitive skin. That short time in his life didn't last long and he was forced back inside not long after that. Having spent many years inside myself, I can say that it makes sun exposure extra hard on you once you try to get yourself back out there for Vitamin D.

I like to imagine GE Saeran gets his fair share of freckles after the events of the RAE and he spends all of his free time in the garden he's built with MC. I think SE Saeran would get freckles, too, after some time, because he spends a lot of his time watching clouds to get away from it all. I can see Saeyoung holding back tears in post Secret Ending because he sees Saeran glow from how much time he's been spending in the sunshine. That's all he ever wanted for his baby brother.

But, even though Saeyoung tans "easier", don't forget to slather him up in sun screen. I'm sure he would love to have you dote on him as he sits back in his boat and gets ready to haul in as many fish as he wants for dinner! You can reach all those spots he couldn't get to on his own! Do you know how long he's waited for someone who's got a pair of trustworthy hands? Forever! Now, slap that goop on his back and get in the boat! He wants to put your sun screen on, too!

All I want for Saeyoung is a boat dubbed S.S. [Your Name] that he can fish in to his heart's content.

[juminies]

masterlist

‎♡‧₊˚ jumin

gentle intimacy brief details of showers in your marriage

pinky promises a gesture jumin doesn't see the need for

stay? feelings of insecurity don't tend to magically disappear, sometimes they just find a different way to manifest

it could have been us jumin and mc meet again years after personal circumstances pull her away from the rfa. loose ends are more clumsily tied up than she'd have hoped

before i met you, jumin finds that writing vows is more complex that anticipated

to rise with you mornings and compliments (jumin gets called pretty for the first time)

talk to him post secret ending. jumin doesn't mourn (except he does)

reliance day 7, jumin's perspective

2:47am (AO3) fear of not being loved

null hypothesis for jumin week 2023 day 6, the prompt “physical touch”

leave the light on a not-quite-impromptu reunion of old friends

in order to get to the heart AU in which jumin is married prior to the beginning of the game

when it rains storms and how to dance in them

drawn out, pulled in (AO3) jumin doesn't want to leave, you don't want him to leave, the rest is easy

‎♡‧₊˚ saeyoung

CCTV day 6, saeyoung's perspective

[thevoidlord]

Mixed! Messenger AU

I came up with a Mystic Messenger AU! I have no idea if this already exists lol It's sort of a role-swap for the characters, but based on mixing the duos/trios, mostly (but not completely) based on story grouping. Here's the list of who is swapped with who:

MC swapped with Rika

Jumin swapped with Seven

V swapped with Saeran

Yoosung swapped with Zen

Jaehee swapped with Vanderwood

It's still an AU-in-progress, so it still needs some things fleshed-out, but here's some random things I thought about for each character: Yoosung: - a new, young voice actor - still very cute - has voiced characters in (usually indie) videogames primarily - wants to work on bigger games, but spends too much time gaming when he should be applying for bigger voice acting positions Zen: - college student who changed his major several times and failed a bunch of classes, but still doing his best - still a narcissist - working several jobs to pay for his tuition because he refuses to accept financial help, wanting to earn it on his own - loves musicals!! (he'll one day realize his dream to be a musical actor, but he has yet to realize...) Vanderwood: - works for CEO-in-line, Saeyoung Choi, as his assistant (and maid) - constantly reminds Seven to take his job seriously - is very confused why Seven has so much money yet doesn't take care of his health (Seven still primarily eats honey buddha chips) - annoyed when Saeyoung calls them his housemaid when clearly they're his assistant Jaehee: - secret agent (and catsitter for Jumin) - overworked by the agency AND Jumin and needs a break - cat hair everywhere, send help - has to beg Jumin not to involve cats into his or their missions - still loves musicals! (not a fan of Zen as an actor tho since he's not an actor yet) - once sat next to Zen during a theatre showing, but never kept in contact (was in awe from his beauty, but knew she needed to keep her distance due to agency work) Jumin: - hacker and secret agent - still has Elizabeth the 3rd, and claims that her wisdom has helped him crack many codes and solved many missions - great at his job otherwise - still has the same personality as before, except hacker Seven: - CEO-in-line who works hard but also loves mischief! - definitely has produced some hilarious marketing campaigns - may or may not have made some secret loophole scams to snatch more money for his babies (his cars) - still wants to play with Elly - can actually afford to go to the moon V: - used to be best friends with Jumin before joining Gold Eye under MC - loves art, but doesn't have enough time to make any due to hacking and cult shenanigans - instead of a garden, Gold Eye has an art gallery where V likes to spend his time - will do anything for MC, even learning to hack and worshipping her every move Saeran: - leader of MC's Fundraising Association (MCFA) - specializes in floral photography and gardening - lives with his brother in a penthouse - has a large garden in their backyard with all sorts of flowers and plants - he and Saeyoung still grew up with that abusive mother, but, eventually they learned their dad (who isn't the prime minister in this) was rich, so they escaped, found him, and convinced him to let them live with him - loves MC and has been desperate to find her after she vanished Rika: - no, she is not getting the option to date like in the game; she's just there trying to fix everything and make everyone happy - never hosted a party in her life, but is determined to try - never dated V - struggles with mental illness and trauma, but is actively seeking therapy and is improving - joined MCFA after MC left (Yoosung recognized her immediately, but everyone else does not know her) MC: - cult leader of Gold Eye - obsessed with bringing MCFA into her cult as her harem - looooooves bad endings - didn't fake her own death, but did mysteriously cut contact one day and took V with her - the true mastermind in all this EVERYTHING IN THIS LIST IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE!! I just thought this would be a fun AU concept idea lol I made this while sleep deprived lol I'm gonna go to sleep now

[kusukixcrystal]

MM Classpecting: Jumin

Zen Classpect

Yoosung Classpect

Jaehee Classpect

Personality/General Info: Likes mature topics, business, workaholic. Has abandonment issues (?) and why he clings to his cat so much. Distrustful and emotionally closed off from women. Quiet, serious, cautious. Still likes to joke and learn slang. Kinda childish with RFA members in a gap-moe way, especially with Zen who he teases a lot (has his own sense of humor). Views situations objectively. Works Jaehee to the bone, but Jumin’s workload is more than hers. Jumin doesn’t care about people’s opinions of him, living his life in the way he thinks is right. Will help RFA members by using his resources with no hesitation. Has an interest in cross-stitching and magic grimoires.

Actually feels too many emotions, but pushes them down to be efficient at work. Is extremely lonely and paranoid because of this, uses work and cat to cope, and views himself as a monster. Trusted V and had feelings for Rika. Cares about family. Trusts Jaehee and Yoosung. Is displeased by Saeyoung's treatment of Elizabeth the 3rd. Considers Zen a friend, even though they bicker.

Role in Narrative: Peacemaker of the RFA with his logical thinking. Uses resources due to his wealth to help members (sending bodyguards to RFA, coordinating Mint Eye mission in secret endings, searching for V in bad endings when he goes missing).

Active or Passive: He is passive. He does things to benefit others. In the CS he gives advice to MC and members, particularly in Zen’s route. Wanted to help him further his career. Sends MC to Zen’s house when he was sad about his injury to take care and cheer him up. Constantly trying to help V regain his eye-sight, offering doctors that could help him.

Classpect - Seer of Light: One who knows Light, or knows through Light for others.

Yes he is Rose Lalonde kin. Spread the word.

How this applies to Jumin: Loves learning new things, even outside of his work in C&R. Loves to provide knowledge to others, and has concrete opinions on things that are not easily changed. He provides advice and resources, but doesn’t get into the action. His view of the world is shattered when he finds out V’s lies, and this shakes him up greatly. His inner world is complicated due to him repressing his emotions. He is lonely and paranoid due to this, fitting with the shortcomings of a Seer. Is open to speak with V and assist him with healing his eyes. Doesn’t force him, just gives him the opportunity to see a doctor for it (passive). Willing to speak to Zen in Zen’s route about their relationship, and offers opportunities (passive), but doesn’t force him to take it. Leads the Mint Eye mission with advice and directs orders from the sidelines. He sees the world in black and white terms when it comes to women. He thinks that all women are only interested in his money, with the sole exception of Rika and then eventually MC. In his route, he has to learn to listen to the opinions of others and to deconstruct his rigid worldview.

This is what the Hiveswap Extended Zodiac has to say about the Light Aspect:

"Those bound to the aspect of Light are the universe's knowledge-seekers. They are, above all, driven to learn and understand. They are great alchemists, able to take multiple sources of information and synthesize them into something useful. They are scholars and researchers, absolutely dedicated to knowledge for knowledge's sake. They are the ultimate students, and although that might conjure up the image of people sitting around peacefully waiting for knowledge to be brought to them, that couldn't be further from the truth. The Light-bound will go after knowledge with a fierce intensity that others may find distasteful. They aren't overly concerned with laws or norms, either. They often take rules as simple suggestions, instead searching for loopholes or work-arounds. At their best, the Light-bound are resourceful and driven. At their worst they can be fussy, pedantic, and insensitive."

I personally think Light symbolizes knowledge, luck and relevancy.

How this applies to Jumin: Dude this man likes sharing knowledge. In DS he even reads MC a storybook (a big reference to Nameless). He reads magic grimoires, likes learning slang, and in general deeply into his interests. Shares this knowledge with Yoosung too, by getting him to work in C&R. Jaehee states in her After Ending that despite how hard it was to work for Jumin, she learned so much about how to manage a business. He imparts this knowledge to benefit others. In Another Story he writes a book series about how he does business! He is directly imparting knowledge on a large scale! Light symbolizes both relevance and luck as well. He is very relevant in the plot, being the childhood friend of V and having a crush on Rika, who are both big players in the main story. He is also relevant in general within the world of MM because he is a CEO-in-line with C&R. ALSO, Jumin seeks to know the truth. He hates being deceived by women for his money. He hates being deceived by V, wanting to find out the truth behind his strange behavior. He actively seeks it out, but not too forcefully.

Looking at his route, Jumin's arc is about listening to others opinions. This is something that Seers are known to struggle with if their opinion differs from others. He also begins to struggle with feelings of paranoia over MC when Elizabeth the 3rd goes missing, essentially trapping her in his penthouse. Jumin begins to think of all the things that could go wrong if MC leaves. This was brought on since Jumin was unhealthily projecting his feelings for Rika onto Elly. His rationality goes out the window here, and can get worse in bad endings. These are pit-falls Seers must avoid, if Jumin doesn't sort through his 'tangled up feelings', this obsessiveness could harm the people around him. This would of course affect the insight he could provide. How can he give others advice when his vision is completely clouded? By understanding others opinions, his world view can expand beyond its black and white thinking, and develop his insights further. You could say he sort of does this in Zen's route when they both reconcile, reaching an understanding between each other.

As a Seer of Light, much like Rose Lalonde, he would provide advice in areas he is familiar with, and wields his relevance as CEO-in-line, his money and resources, to support Saeyoung and MC on their mission to save Saeran in the SEs.

[astrahannah]

So uh. I think I've seen that video. I dunno how much you actually care, or how much you still don't know, but I'm can tell you if you don't wanna play it yourself like some people suggest - so, spoilers for Mystic Messenger ahead.

You're right in that it's an otome game with its gimmick being it taking place in real time. Someone said it's about organizing a party. That's also true. I'll use the character's names and sometimes I'll describe who they are.

See, the MC opens an app on the phone, there's a guy in it telling her "hey, I found this phone, there's only this app in it and an address, could you go there and tell the owner I have the phone?" you can't think it's suspicious af, you gotta go there, and when no one opens, break in using a code for the door the guy texting you gives you, and once you do that, the convo disappears, you enter a chat app of a group of friends (mostly) in a charity organization that used to host fundraising parties. You shouldn't be there, they all suspect you of hacking (the dude who texted you at the start is the hacker, actually, calls himself Unknown), also, you're in the apartment of the organization's late founder, Rika. At the end of the prologue, they decide to give you a chance, while they backcheck you, you can join them.

The first four days are spent interacting with the characters and choosing a route based on your interactions, and the current leader, who calls himself V and doesn't come chat much, and was Rika's fiance before she died, decides that maybe be the new coordinator, since that was Rika's role and you're at her apartment. Maybe that's what she would want.

So, that's the start.

Then, you asked about the bomb. In several routes (which you enter on day 5 (out of 11) based on who you seemed to get along with the most based on interaction and what game mode you're in (every love interest is only available one of the three modes)), you find out that Rika had a bomb installed in her apartment for... Security, allegedly, IIRC (haven't played any route dealing with the bomb in a while), but a hacker (the one who let in at the start, Unknown, though you don't know that right at the start) tampered with it and can now go off any moment/if you leave the apartment (I think the latter, not sure). Depending on the route, 707(/Luciel/Saeyoung, he's a man of many names), the hacker and security guy of the group finds a weird palace in the mountains it's coming from, and your love interest might have to go there and deal with it (Yoosung's route) or maybe save you from kidnapping by the hacker (Zen's route). There's usually some confrontation between LI and the hacker (except Jumin, who never confronts the hacker face to face, and Jaehee, whose route doesn't deal with this bullshit except a very mild allusion, normal stuff happens there instead), if you get the good ending, yall win, MC and the LI get together (except on Jaehee's route, because she's a woman and I guess they were scared to make an explicitly wlw route, bcs South Korea).

Or, that's on the "casual story" mode (you're recommended to play that first, and it's the only mode not locked behind game currency anyway, routes of Yoosung, Zen and Jaehee available) and the "deep story" (usually second to be played, Jumin and 707 available). But, in 707's "secret ending" (every character has an "after ending" - an epilogue basically, but 707 has two secret endings after that) in which you find out that the place the hacker hailed from is a cult (BTW the hacker, Unknown, is 707's twin brother, as you find out on 707's route) founded by Rika (yeah, the founder of the organization you're in the whole game), bcs, VEERY basically (I don't understand Rika's psychology that well, I didn't actually play the secret endings or the DLC that's a visual novel about her backstory, but when you are in the fandom for over 5 years, you catch onto something), she hates suffering and wants to make an eternal paradise, where people are always happy, but making them always happy is ensured by giving them drug cocktails that make them weak and obedient to her, their "savior". V, her fiance, found out, didn't agree, and she ran away to create the cult. V pretended she's dead bcs I don't really know. He still had this love for/obsession with her, he didn't want to hurt the other members of the organization with that knowledge... Not sure (someone who played it all might know better). V and Rika also promised 707 to protect his brother while he hid away in a secret agent organization (the twins are illegitimate sons of the prime minister and he might try to kill them if he got ahold of them, a whole another can of worms), but as Rika left to start the cult, she took Saeran (the real name of 707's twin), made him into the hacker "Unknown" and brainwashed him to think 707 hates him.

That's just the casual and deep story, though (I think), there's also "another story", taking place in an alternate reality, a year before the other two modes, with slight changes to the characters - the prologje changes, Saeran pretends he's a game developer, is basically developing Mystic Messenger, wants you go be a playtester, but you have to get blindfolded into a car and let them drive you to the cult, and you live there for the whole game, while Saeran tries to convince you at first that the characters you chat with are just AI. You can date V and Saeran in it, also, Saeran has a split personality here (nice - Ray, and evil - Saeran, for the simplicity. I'm pretty sure it's drugs and brainwashing induced.). And there's that one bad ending of V's where you can end up with Rika (which is more then you ever get with Jaehee, who's my favorite, it makes me a bit mad).

I'm afraid I can't TL;DR this. Mystic Messenger is pretty wack, but I like talking about it.

Me, looking through youtube to find background noise to draw: oh sweet. A tier list of the bad endings of Mystic Messenger, a game I've never played and know nothing about. Sure, this should work.

Me 50 minutes later: What the fuck happens in Mystic Messenger.

[tiresomeimagination]

My last imagine was more focused on being friends with Seven as you would in any route except his own, where you're somewhat close but nowhere near as much as in his route.

Well I just finished replaying Seven's route for the first time in years and I also finally bit the bullet and spent my hourglasses on finishing the Secret Ending (I'll have enough for Another Story someday TvT), so I was thinking of doing a follow-up to my last imagine... this time being close enough to see Saeyoung a bit more genuinely ^^! I guess I'd say this is the "Seven's route Good End + Secret Ending" timeline.

So...

Imagine playing Animal Crossing with Saeyoung (and Saeran!)

It had been a long time since the two of you had played any video games together. With everything that's happened, life had just been too hectic for that kind of thing. But now that things were starting to settle down, you guys have the time to indulge in simple pleasures again.

You suggested that Saeyoung try showing Animal Crossing to Saeran, thinking the cozy slow pace game would be perfect for the brothers to bond over. Saeyoung was totally on board with anything to try connecting with his twin, so he grabbed it right away.

Saeyoung started a fresh island and let Saeran be the Resident Representative. The two of them share the town, but he lets Saeran make most of the overall island layout decisions.

The simple repetitive daily tasks and soothing atmosphere is rather therapeutic for Saeran, and once he got the hang of using a gaming system, he took to it pretty quickly. He tolerates Saeyoung's presence on the island but tries to keep some distance. This doesn't always work, since Saeyoung still tries to engage with whatever Saeran's current project is.

"...Hey, get your weird cat shrine away from my hybrid garden... it's ruining the ambiance..."

"Eh? But Saeran, those are the flower guardians! What will become of the poor flowers when there's no one to protect them from evil?"

"Cats don't protect flowers, idiot. Get rid of it."

"...okay;;"

Saeyoung does still like to dive into the game's code and find ways to break the game's boundaries, but he does it in a way that's not obtrusive to Saeran's town decorating.

Saeyoung's decorating in general, while it can still be unconventional and a bit silly, is less over the top than it used to be. Because of the emotional walls he used for the longest time, Saeyoung used to rely heavily on "fishing" for reactions in order to connect with others. Rather than being able to converse on a deeper level, he would exaggerate behavior and push buttons to get reactions, either positive or negative.

Thanks to you, Saeyoung now feels comfortable connecting with others on a deeper emotional level. Don't get me wrong, he still likes to play, still enjoys the occasional prank, and still loves the look on your face when he manages to catch you off guard. But now he doesn't feel like those have to define the majority of his interactions. This means you now get to see some of his more earnest attempts at decorating! …Just don't let your guard down too much. That's when he strikes.

"Wow, Saeyoung, I'm impressed. This is actually a pretty good bedroom design."

"lololol why do you sound so surprised?"

"...do I have to say it? ;;;"

"><; okay okay. Now, if you like this one, wait until you see the basement!"

"Yeah, let's go! I really like what you've done with the place so far. It's actually pretty practical and-.....ah...Saeyoung...?"

"Yeeesss? ^^"

"...Why do you have an... Elizabeth 3rd altar in your basement? Wow...that's...very detailed."

"Jumin said I should inject more culture and class into my decor tastes lolol do you like it?"

"....Hah...Yeah."

"Hooray!!"

If either you or Saeran have a particular villager that you really want, Saeyoung will get them from the online “villager black market” for you. He'll do his best to get you two whatever you want in general, honestly. Even if it's rare. If he can't get it on his own he'll just cheat the system. He has no problem breaking the rules to put smiles on the faces of the two most important people in his life.

Saeran actually plays more often than Saeyoung does, and he may invite you over if the two of you are close enough. He's really good at breeding hybrids, and you end up leaving with one of your favorite kind of hybrid as a gift.

Please volunteer to play with both boys, not just one. They both love it, and it slowly becomes something special that the three of you share. Things have changed a lot, but times like these remind you what a wonderful little family you've been welcomed into.

[rfaromance]

I have been curious for a while now when seeing your posts: but what are you thoughts on SE Saeran? How do you think of him? I'd love for you to tell me :3

Hi! An excellent question, because my thoughts regarding SE have changed a lot since I started playing.

When I first played the Secret Ending, I didn't think much of him. I mean, he was my brother-in-law. But at the time I didn't have a full appreciation for Saeran as a character. I know plenty of y'all fell for the edgelord from day 1, but I honestly was creeped out HAHA. I saw someone who needed a lot of therapy, someone who'd suffered a lot, but I didn't have strong feelings about him. It doesn't help that canon didn't give us much with regards to SE Saeran.

But later, and especially after playing Ray's route and 707's Christmas route, I began to appreciate Saeran more overall. He was really just a victim who'd been jerked around by everyone in his life, and he doesn't get true freedom except in the good ending of his own route. And that helped me not only appreciate Unknown more, but in turn, SE Saeran.

I'll save my thoughts on Unknown for another day, since you asked about SE, but I will mention that Unknown is my favorite of Saeran's alters, so take that as you will.

I want nothing more than to be a friend to SE. He's someone who has only ever been truly cared about by his brother, and after years of lies, deceit, loneliness, and elixir, he can't even trust Saeyoung anymore. The people who were supposed to protect him all hurt or abandoned him. He's someone who doesn't have much faith in the world at large or in humanity. He doesn't want to be around people if he can help it. SE has spent most of his life in darkness, and all he wants is to feel wind on his cheeks and see the clouds in the sky. He just wants to have that freedom to exist, which should be the simplest freedom of all, but it's something he never had.

And he still doesn't have it, because he was forced into the bunker against his will. I'll admit that wasn't Saeyoung's brightest decision, but his paranoia, guilt, and overwhelming love for his brother clouded his judgment. It's no wonder he tried to end it all. Why live in a world that had not once given a damn about him? How could he trust anyone when his biological parents saw him as either a useless tool or a liability to be destroyed, his found parents either abandoned him or turned him into a drugged-up hacking slave, and his own twin, his other half, supposedly left him behind as dead weight so he could live happily ever after?

Happiness and love and freedom are nothing but fairy tales, in his eyes.

On top of it all, he's carrying the weight of V's ghost on his shoulders and V's blood on his hands.

Again, canon doesn't give us a lot, but you can infer he's totally done. He's wiped. He doesn't care. He's pretty much just floating through life until death finally takes him, because that pesky twin of his is so intent on keeping him alive.

I'm not a fan of the "I can fix him" mentality for SE, ahaha. Especially as a Seven MC, myself. But I do see someone who needs a friend, someone who at his core is a gentle person who was forced into violence. Even the gentlest animals will lash out when caged. I think SE is really neat, because he's been through hell and back, and he's somehow still breathing. He doesn't look forward to much of anything, except for moments of sunshine & clouds, and ice cream. I think there's something poetic about him, and I'd want to be his friend not just because he's my brother-in-law, but because I think he deserves to have someone care about him who isn't obligated to do so. He deserves someone who just... cares.

And I want to help him enjoy the simple pleasures in life, the little moments that make life worth living. He's not going to be "okay." He's never going to have a "normal" life. But he deserves to know his life is still worth living, and I'd want to give him as much control over it as I can.

... after forcing him to watch a few too many shows about singing lesbians or cheesy lawyer movies.

[saeyoungs606]

RFA + Vanderwood, Saeran at the Carnival

This headcanon was written by my dear friend Aimi (@m00nsthet1c) and I hope that you go check out his work after reading this! <3

~

ok but I imagine yoosung being the one to eat heavy food at the foodcourt and throw up afterwards

Jumin would reserve the entire carnival because seven wouldn't stop pleading him for it

zen would be the type of guy to be persistent in winning those target games because he would miss the shot despite him putting so much force into throwing the ball

seven would bring vanderwood to carry all the cotton candy he bought

which was the entire stock

"why the hell would you even need this many?"

"they'll be useful in making my job more efficient ms. vanderwood ^-^"

Jumin would take you onto the ferris wheel because he doesn't like most of the intense rides

rika and V would even join in with you

double dates with rika and v :D

he sadly couldn't bring Elizabeth the 3rd because of V

"I don't think Elizabeth would enjoy a carnival, she might get lost jumin"

"I cannot risk losing Elizabeth the 3rd. Very well then"

takes like 30 mins to say goodbye

and takes another 30 to pry seven off of her

"my precious elly! nooooo!"

even saeran tagged along! He enjoyed the bumpy cars a ton!

he was a bit embarrassed because it was pretty childish for an adult to like the bumpy cars or the teacup rides, but his brother had no shame and went to the rides he enjoyed with no hesitation. Sometimes even bringing you alongside it!

the reason his brother bought all the cotton candy was because he saw saeran staring at the blueberry flavored one

the two of them even bought matching accessories together!

saeyoung wanted his brother to have a remembrance of this time, because they never got to experience it in their childhood days

and seeing his brother eating the cotton candy with a hidden but noticeable smile made his carnival experience more enjoyable

"uhm.. saeyoung, you know I don't need this much-"

"don't worry about it! we can eat it together once we get home :D"

"but.. I don't want diabetes"

"there's always tomorrow!"

there's also one game saeran enjoyed and it was the water gun fight!

he asked you if you'd be willing to join while saeyoung asked yoosung, since it was a 4 player game

you were glad that v recommended you to get spare clothing

yoosung being yoosung forgot and he had to walk with sulked clothes

rika chuckled a bit at yoosung's forgetfulness

and being the best cousin ever she asked jumin to buy him some clothes so he doesn't catch a cold

now yoosung has new comfy clothes!

"aw I want new clothes too!"

seven complained a bit but yoosung being petty just ignored him

rika and v went on more calming rides together! V occasionally taking pictures, but it wasn't just the scenery he was taking a picture of

they had their little personal date out of the others and often walked around the large place, admiring the different booths and occasionally playing some of the games

Jumin tagged along from time to time with them

but he focused more on getting a little gift for his precious Elizabeth 3rd

he got a cute little kitty plushie that looked really similar to elizabeth!

he took awhile to get it from those crane games though-

but he's got the spirit and doesn't mind wasting money only for his precious cat

Zen, and yoosung would be on intense rides like the rollercoasters and the dropper rides (the ones where it suddenly drops you at a random time)

yoosung would be mortified 99% of the time, but would act like it didn't affect him afterwards

some of the rides were too much for him though so he couldn't sugarcoat most of it-

"oh man! you should've seen the look on your face with-"

"shut up you narcissist!"

"HEY! you just can't handle rides that aren't made for little kids!"

"I AM NOT A KID!! I'M A GROWN UP NOW!"

"your scared ass face said otherwise"

"YOU GOT SCARED AS WELL! I SAW IT"

"NO I DID NOT-"

Jaehee is really good at target games and often wins some for zen and even for you because you got impatient with missing the targets

and you or zen try to impress her but inaudibly fail

yoosung would go with rika and v onto those little boat rides :D

vanderwood would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy it, and he'll definitely never admit to it

despite having to carry a huge bag of cotton candy all around, he enjoyed the rides a ton, especially the rollercoasters

He never really had time or ought to think about being at a carnival, so the experience was very new to him. And he'd definitely try it again in secret so he wouldn't be an outsider maid for the redhead

V would take so many pictures of the sceneries, just everything really

he also took one big photo of all of you in front of the entrance gate

and it's up on rika and v's shared home!

the experience was really amazing! getting to go on a little break all together with the rfa is a good stress relief from party planning

but yoosung throughout most of it just kept puking his guts out, rika holding his hair so it won't get on the way and just rubbing circles onto his back for comfort

meanwhile seven is just laughing with an annoyed vanderwood and a chuckling saeran, eating cotton candy together

the ride home was really chill. kind of

you guys fought over what music to listen to and jumin just concluded to not listening to any at all

saeran kept admiring the little matching keychain his brother got him, only tensing up and hiding it once saeyoung mentioned it out

"you're smiling! aww!!"

when you all got home you guys were exhausted. Especially zen who went on the intense rides the most

vanderwood was forced to stay in by seven, and a little pleading from you as well. And due to being too tired he ended up agreeing just because he didn't wanna drop off the cotton candy at saeyoung's place

tired state? night time? movie night!

you all discussed on one movie that you can all agree in watching, and you all fell asleep like a daylight

everyone except for saeran

he refreshes his memories in the carnival, the amount of joy he had with his brother, and how lucky he was to have such a caring old brother like saeyoung. He wouldn't replace him for anyone

he just wished he could've experienced it at a younger age

[saeransboy]

Hope

Pairing: Saeran Choi / Male CMC (Rowan)

Word Count: 4177

Warnings: Spoilers for the Secret Endings, hospitals

Notes: this is my piece for the @nostringsdetached zine!! i'm so happy that i got to participate, and that it got so much support. you can get the full zine bundle for free, as well as see my partner @mm12578's accompanying art for this piece, at this link.

you can also read this here on ao3!! i hope you enjoy!!

Saeran was unhappy.

Though not an uncommon feeling for the other man after all he'd been through, being in the hospital evoked the feeling strongly. He was constantly feeling judged, being watched, and it felt suffocating. His lack of choice was all too obvious now. If having most of the control he had over his own body being taken away wasn't enough, being forced to see people he didn't want to deal with was the final nail in his coffin.

It was overwhelming, upsetting, and made him want to disappear more than ever before. Trying to shut out the rest of the world wasn't an option, as it only forced its way in. Unless he had to answer whoever stopped by, Saeran ignored their questions and small talk, and eventually they gave up. Everyone had, except for that boy.

Rowan had been easy enough to lure to the apartment. He obviously hadn't trusted Saeran, and was just as uneasy around the RFA at first. However, he stayed to work as their party coordinator simply because he "had nothing better to do". Of course, with the tense situation that developed, he became far from bored. "Terrified" was a better descriptor.

The guilt Saeran felt over that was overwhelming. He'd been the one to choose Rowan, to lure him in, to try to kidnap him. He killed a man right in front of him. Had it not been for him, the party coordinator wouldn't have ever been dragged into this. Which made it all the more confusing when he came to visit alongside his brother.

The ex-hacker had been so shocked at his appearance, he remained silent only because he wasn't sure what to say. His guest left defeated, but he returned alone the next day, and the next. In fact, despite Saeran's silence, Rowan kept showing up, coming by to ramble at him about his day-to-day life and eventually to sit quietly and read. The silence was a lot more comfortable.

He let the silence remain til the other man came to his defense from a rude nurse. After that, he hesitantly reached out, reigniting his guest's desire to speak to him. The ex-hacker barely replied, and his guest enthusiastically continued on like it was normal. It started off shakily, and he would cut short any inquiries on his wellbeing and brushed off Rowan's attempts at comfort on bad days, but it went well.

They had made a lot of progress since then.

The last time Rowan was here, he held his hand. The other man had sensed his upset and reached to comfort him. Despite his first instinct to push him away, he accepted it without argument, not returning the favor or rejecting it. It felt so warm. When was the last time he got to feel another’s touch without being hurt or manipulated in the process? A brief image of his brother’s arms wrapping around him flashes in his mind, and he scowls.

Saeyoung. Saeran still wasn’t alright with him, not fully, but he was trying. As much as he hated it, he was jealous of his twin. Not just for his carefree lifestyle all these years or the friends that supported him so steadfastly, but for his relationship with Rowan. When he saw them, they were laughing and falling over each other or comforting one another. There was always some physical contact, and so much trust.

Rowan had confirmed that no, they weren’t together like he had assumed, but the bond they shared was perfectly sweet. He felt starved watching them. It was then, when he deciphered what that tension he felt when he saw them together was, that he faced his feelings for the brunette.

He was smitten. Completely, utterly, sickeningly smitten; when he realized his feelings, he had grown so nauseated it made his head spin. He wasn’t entirely sure he was in that deep, but only such a dramatic word could describe the heaviness with which it weighed on him. Someone like him wasn't meant for feelings like this.

The next time Rowan visited, Saeran blamed his suddenly more reserved behavior on the medicine he was being given. He wasn’t questioned, but the guilt of lying stung.

Saeran couldn't let himself feel this. It was inevitable that he would prove himself yet again to be a monster. He would hurt Rowan and it was eating him alive, but he'd rather let the feeling fester inside of him than cause the man any more pain or stress. It was easier said than done.

Nothing had filled that deep, all-encompassing void of guilt inside of him but the other man's visits. Hiis quips and words of comfort provided some relief. It was barely making a change, but the air still felt lighter around him. There was no tension, no distrust, and he never felt cornered.

He could just exist, never feeling pressured to do any more than that.

These awful feelings threw a wrench into that, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. Just like every other thought and feeling, he wanted to push it down in the hopes of suffocating it until it was quiet or died. Or until it explodes and destroys everyone around you, a small voice in the back of his mind whispers. That was just as likely, and the thought terrified him. His hands clench in the thin sheets of the bed, trying to ground himself the best he can.

Downstairs, Rowan worries his bottom lip between his teeth, tapping his boot nervously against the ground as he waits for his security escort. He knows his anxiety comes off as impatience to the staff, giving him more room than everyone else as he leans against the wall, and he lets it stay that way. With the feelings swarming in his mind, he was sure that any invasion of his space might set him off.

After countless visits, coming to see Saeran during his recovery became a routine he enjoyed greatly. It wasn't always this nice; the first few times, he came with Saeyoung, but after being met with silence, he persuaded the hacker to let him come on his own. Nothing changed at first, the room being filled with an awkward silence as Rowan attempted one-sided conversations. The man refused to respond, rarely even offering him a glance. It frustrated him to no end; even after dropping his own guard, he hadn't gotten anywhere.

Eventually he gave up on trying to communicate, simply coming to sit in the corner and read. It had to be lonely, being stuck there, so he figured having another heartbeat in the room that wasn't poking or prodding him or interrogating him on his mental state might help. The tension in the air had quickly faded into something more peaceful, and some of Saeran's guard visibly slipped away. That was good enough for Rowan; as long as he wasn't actively being shut out, it was still progress.

Surprisingly, Saeran was the one to break the silence, though not without good reason. Much to their annoyance, a nurse interrupted their visitation, disturbing the peaceful co-existence they had with each other. She was everything Rowan hated to see: pushy, unsympathetic, and completely uncaring about his mental wellbeing.

It made his heart hurt, seeing the other man flinch when she slammed her clipboard down on his bedside table. Every word out of her mouth was ridicule, and though he knew the ex-hacker was used to such talk, that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

When she left with one last comment on how scrawny he still was, Rowan didn't hesitate to jump up from his seat. Following behind, he proceeded to chew her out. For her complete lack of experience, for her apathy, for taking out whatever the hell was wrong with her on Saeran. It wasn't long before his voice raised, but he was careful not to start screaming. The last thing he wanted was to upset the already stressed man more.

It didn't surprise Rowan that his friendly feelings grew into something stronger, but that didn't make the realization any less terrifying. For the first few days, he struggled to reel himself back in, trying to shove his feelings to the back of his mind so he could be there for the other man without guilt eating away at him. Being so friendly to him only felt like he was taking advantage of the man's barely earned trust.

It didn't last, as he noticed Saeran growing increasingly tense at his less emotional, more closed-off responses. With a quick explanation, claiming he'd not been feeling like himself -- not a complete lie, as such a deep feeling had knocked him off his feet -- and that he was sorry, he mended the situation and forced himself to swallow his guilt.

He could tell Saeran didn't fully believe him, but the man was obviously relieved to have things back to normal the next visit, when Rowan came in grinning. It earned him a small smile in return, the first he'd seen from the man.

Rowan is torn from his reminiscing by a security guard clearing her throat. She nods towards an open elevator. "Come on, tough guy. I'll drop you off." Though he bristles at the obviously mocking title, he doesn't argue, not wanting to get kicked out. Instead, he trails after her and steps in, trying to calm the fluttering that starts up in his chest at the thought of seeing the other man.

The ride up is tense, the brunette almost lunging forward when the doors slide open. "Thanks," he calls over his shoulder with a scowl. Though he always looked forward to the visits, he hated dealing with the staff. Setting his eyes on Saeran's door, he picks up the pace, hurrying down the hall as fast as he can despite his slight nervousness.

Before Saeran's thoughts can spiral anymore out of control, the all-too-familiar sound of chains clinking together sounds down the hall, the thoughts slipping from his mind to let him focus. It was definitely him; despite the noisiness of his entrance, the steps sounded hesitant, stumbling over themselves. The awkwardness always manages to make his heart feel a bit lighter, some of the dread that had been bubbling up inside of him slipping away.

As expected, the footsteps come towards his room, stopping just outside for a moment. There's a pause, his guest taking a moment for a deep breath, before the door is cautiously pushed open. Rowan jumps a bit upon seeing him, obviously not expecting Saeran to be sat up waiting for him. The surprised look on his face quickly fades into a soft smile, some of the tension he entered with easing from his shoulders.

The man always put up a tough exterior, Saeran knew, but he trusted him enough to let that down. Whether that was because he wanted mutual trust or because he was just plain stupid, the ex-hacker wasn't quite sure, but it never bothered him, and he never bought up the subject.

The brunette shuffles his way over to him without a word, taking a seat in the chair next to the bed. Everything about him is a contradiction: the gentle look on his face combined with his dark and intentionally rough exterior, the way he avoided eye contact despite his obvious distaste at being seen as a pushover, how he still wandered to his side like a clueless puppy despite all Saeran had done, as if he wasn't dangerous.

That frustrated him most of all. He was trying so hard to protect everyone for once after he had planned to destroy their lives. It was like the male could see right through him, but never saw what Saeran wanted him to.

As usual, Rowan slouches forward, giving him that stupid grin that made his stomach flutter and twist up all at the same time. "Sorry I'm late, but I'm sure you're used to it now. Have you eaten yet? I kinda had to skip lunch, didn't have time." He trips over his words mid-sentence, distracted by the way that his heavy jacket slips off his shoulder.

Every visit started the same, his visitor pitifully trying to disguise his fretting as small talk and him offering up muttered responses. It was still progress from how they started, but Saeran always felt some guilt seeing how much effort the other man put into trying to talk to him. Wanting to change that the best he could, he tries speaking up some, clearing his throat. ''No. I don't like the food."

Contradictory to the pout he usually gives at that response, Rowan's eyes light up. "Great! Um. Not that you haven't eaten because the food sucks. Just... gimme a second." With that, he hops up from his seat, scurrying back to the door, nearly forgetting to put up his facade before motioning for a nurse.

Saeran can't decipher much from his position, only picking up on the word "privacy" and the dirty look the man shoots the nurse when she shakes her head. Only a few more words are exchanged before his expression brightens, and he whirls back around.

To his surprise, the unusually peppy man closes the door. That had never been allowed before, both for Saeran's safety and his visitor's. But Rowan was always rather convincing, not to mention stubborn, so it wasn't too shocking that he was the one earning him that right.

The act now fully slipped away again, Rowan practically trips over his feet moving back, rummaging through the pockets of his oversized jacket for something. Had it been anyone else, he might've been paranoid or distrusting, but he knew the man in front of him wasn't a threat in the slightest.

Once again stunning Saeran, the man pulls out ice cream -- an entire tub of it. Mint chocolate, he noted, feeling his heart skip a beat at the realization that he had remembered his favorite flavor. Outside food was also previously off-limits, and guessing from the way he had asked for privacy, it still was.

Once again, the man isn't making sense. Not only has he gone out of his way to visit daily, staying even on Saeran's worst days until he's either asked to leave or is forced out by the staff, now he's breaking rules and risking trouble for himself all for his sake. Why? He was a monster and a murderer, and he's being smuggled in gifts?

All of the kindness he was offered was foreign to him, and perhaps that was for the best. He didn't deserve any of it. All he deserves is to rot in this awful place, his nose constantly stinging from the scent of medicine and his eyes burning under the blindingly bright fluorescent light.

"...Saeran?" Broken out of his trance, he shakes his head, feeling a tinge of annoyance seeing the red that reflects off the bedpost in his peripheral. His natural color hadn't grown back much, but it was enough to put a scowl on his face. Not once did he want to let the white fade, wanting to have some semblance of separation from his brother, but he didn't have a choice. Not here, not anywhere.

Only Rowan ever offered him control, and even he himself was limited in what he could allow. It wasn't fair. That, too, made him grateful for his stubborn visitor. It was rare for him to give up when he had his mind set on something, and that gave Saeran a lot more freedom than he would have without him.

"I'm fine," he reassures. Rowan doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't pry, instead placing the tub on the sheets between them before digging in his pocket for a packet of utensils, unmistakably snagged from the hospital's cafeteria. Placing it in his resting hand, the man gives a paranoid glance back towards the door before grinning widely.

"I don't think they're onto me, so go ahead and eat up." Though he hesitates a moment, Saeran reaches out to pull the ice cream into his lap, popping the lid and taking a scoop. It's slightly melted as expected; it couldn't have made the trip by motorcycle all the way over here and through the wait downstairs totally unscathed. It's tasty nonetheless, a huge relief from the blandness of the food he had to eat here. Before long, he's digging in, feeling starved despite having the three meals a day rule enforced on him.

After a couple of minutes, he glances up at his guest, perplexed to find him entertaining himself by winding a loose thread of the sheets around his finger. It was rare that Rowan was this quiet for so long, and even stranger that he wasn't busying himself the same way that Saeran was. Sinking his spoon into the cold mint, he hums to get the other man's attention. Immediately his eyes are on him, deep blue piercing into him and making him melt and tense up all at the same time.

"What are you doing?" He asks, eyes flitting between his face and the string half-wound around his finger. The other man glances away sheepishly, though he doesn't flinch at his blunt tone; yet another thing they were making progress on. Rowan pauses, searching for a good answer and sighing in defeat when he can't find one.

"...sitting here?" He answers quietly, giving Saeran an uncertain look. "I don't really have anything to do. I was already running late, so when I swung by the store, I just grabbed the ice cream and left."

"Didn't you say you didn't eat lunch?" The redhead questions with a raised brow. The silence lingering in the room tells him all he needs to know. Huffing, he shoves the tub towards him without a second thought, surprising the both of them. It was unusual for him to share anything, especially this, but he wasn't about to pull his foot back when he was already taking a step forward. "Go on. You'll make yourself sick if you don't."

Though he wouldn't admit it out loud -- he wasn't sure he could even if he really wanted to -- Saeran cared for the other man deeply. It wasn't just the budding feelings of affection. His worry for his wellbeing, though underlying, had lingered ever since the party coordinator had set foot in that apartment.

If he didn't care, he wouldn't have stopped him from stepping on the glass from the window. Of course he would've, the idiot, and back then he told himself it was because it'd be easier to transport him if he went uninjured. Now, the truth was obvious.

Reassured by his adamance, Rowan reaches out to take the tub. While keeping a close eye on Saeran's face to check for any signs that he might change his mind, he fails to notice how close their hands get, accidentally brushing their fingers together as he grabs it. The touch is minimal, lasting under a second, but it still startles them both. The brunette gasps, nearly dropping the ice cream as Saeran pulls back.

For a moment they're both silent, staring at each other with flushed cheeks and unreadable expressions. Saeran knows why he reacted that way, but… what about the other man? Was he afraid of him? He didn't look frightened, only embarrassed and a bit flustered. Though there was no reason for him to be flustered, right? Maybe he was just touch-repulsed. They had a lot in common, after all. It was obvious the party coordinator's mind was spiraling just as much as his, the panic in his eyes blindingly obvious.

Trying his best not to overthink and to diffuse the situation, Saeran grumbles and snatches up the spoon, getting another scoop and nudging it against the boy's lips. It smudges against his nose, making him blink in surprise. His fingers coming up to up to wipe away the small bit, he laughs, some of his nerves obviously soothed. Good, Saeran thinks; he can barely handle his own emotions, let alone someone else's.

Holding the spoon out like a threat, he stares blankly at him. "Take it. I'm not feeding you. And sit over here so you don't drop it; that's the last thing we need." He curls his legs in, giving the taller man more room.

The brunette sits on the edge of the bed and takes the spoon happily, fixing his attention on the ice cream as he… purposefully seeks out the chocolate chips, to the point where his spoonful is more chocolate than ice cream. Weird, but Saeran doesn't argue.

Some part of him finds it cute, and he shakes his head, desperately trying to swat the thought away. He had hoped that the feelings would fade, but they were blossoming into something far more dreadful with every visit. That wasn't Rowan's fault; it was his own for not keeping himself under control.

These feelings would have to die with him, he concludes, blinking rapidly to bring himself back. When those blue eyes turn upwards to glance at him, he knows he's been caught getting lost in his mind. Bracing himself for the obvious question, he accepts the tub pushed back to him, tensing when the other man speaks up just as he gets a mouthful.

"What's buggin' you?" Rowan asks, his brows furrowed with concern. Taking his time to let the ice cream melt in his mouth, Saeran answers with a shrug. Remembering his earlier attempt to be more open, he sighs, nudging around a chocolate chip as he tries to think of a good way to put his thoughts into words without exposing his feelings.

"...Is it okay for me to feel things?" It's a clumsy question, and he mentally kicks himself for a multitude of reasons: for how stupid he sounds, for burdening the other man when he'd already been through so much because of him, for the way he's just now noticed his hands shaking. But none of this seems to bother Rowan, who smiles gently and nods.

"It is. I promise." Saeran jumps when Rowan's hand seeks out his, giving it a light, comforting squeeze. He seems oblivious to his own actions, getting lost in thoughts of his own. "It feels… wrong, right? Like anything that isn't terrible isn't for you, and that you're meant to be miserable in silence. It's lonely."

The hand resting on his presses down slightly, and despite the conflicting feelings whirling in his mind, Saeran moves his hand, entwining their pinkies together. He isn't sure what feelings the other man is hiding, but it makes some part of his heart hurt knowing that he's suffering too.

"I've felt lonely a lot," He continues, staring out the window with a solemn expression. It's quiet for a while, Rowan staring at the clouds and Saeran staring at him. Finally, a soft smile tugs at the brunette's lips, and he turns his attention back to him. "I won't let you be lonely too. Not anymore. Okay?"

Saeran's face feels warmer, but he doesn't let himself turn away, fixing his eyes on one of the freckles dotting the other man's cheeks as he hums an acknowledgement and squeezes his hand. Only now does Rowan notice the way their pinkies are curled around each other, but before he can pull back, Saeran tightens his grip. Not enough to trap him, but enough to get across his message. He can't bring himself to say it out loud, but all he wants is for the other man to stay.

Out of the corner of his eye, Rowan's eyes are swimming with something he doesn't know how to define. It's sweet, warm, making him feel melted on the inside despite his uncertain exterior. As much as he hates being stared at, he isn't sure he wants the other man to look away. The ice cream was next to them, slowly melting in its container; at any point Rowan could remember and turn his attention away.

As if reading his mind, he doesn't. Instead he curls his knees up to his chest, gazing at him with all the affection in the world. It makes Saeran's mind wander, but for once, the thoughts are welcome. Being cared about like this… it makes him feel like maybe he isn't destined to die alone and unloved as he feared.

"Thank you," his visitor says, voice barely above a whisper. "I'll stay right here with you, as long as you'll have me."

"I will," Saeran manages. "You'll come around regardless."

"But do you mind?"

"...No." The corners of his lips twitch up into a weak smile. It's obvious he's unused to the expression, but he isn't thinking about how he might look strange. Around Rowan, his heart feels lighter.

Falling into a comfortable silence, the redhead watches the clouds through the slightly foggy hospital window, feeling the other man's eyes on him, admiring him. He isn't quite sure what it means, but allowing his feelings to linger, Saeran lets himself hope.

[simprisottowriter]

Can you do some Saeyoung Choi headcanons with a female s/o that loves Broadway and all musical theather stuff, please? 💜✨🥺

        Of course, dear!! This is such a sweet request!! Seven is an absolute cinnamon roll and I am definitely sure he’d love and support his significant other’s hobbies! To the point where he might end up picking up the hobby too. Hope you like these headcanons! ^w^

°Saeyoung with female S/O that loves musicals°

◇ At first, when learning about your love for musicals, he wouldn’t be surprised. Knowing that you are a very creative person, full of love for art in many forms, theatrical musicals wouldn’t be an exception for you. Whenever Jaehee or Zen mentioned Broadway in the chatroom, you couldn’t help but join in the conversation! Talking about your knowledge of musicals so expressively, it wouldn’t be difficult for Saeyoung to realize how much they mean to you!

◇ On a night in, he would much rather spend time with you than do anything else. And that means that not only would he marathon series with you, but musicals too! Especially loves the ones that fit the science fiction category, but would watch anything. He might ask plenty questions while watching it, but it is because he is genuinely finds them very interesting! Except from the knowledge he has from Zen’s work, he’s not very familiar with musicals, but he is trying his best to keep up and learn more! He didn’t have much time in his daily life for art, but he’s so glad that he now has the chance to!

◇ He’d let you know everything he has learned from Zen’s work. Even if he prefers watching his musicals online, he would do an exception for you and invite you with him to watch it live! Through Zen’s acting work, Seven would also set up for you to meet your favorite actors and actresses up close!

◇ Seven constantly learns new stuff and it’s difficult for him to forget anything. He might have a lot in his mind, but he’d definitely manage to learn all the characters and scenario of any musical, by watching it just once! His memory is incredible. Though, he’d act like he doesn’t remember the plot so that you could watch the musical again, and spend a little bit more time with you. 

◇ He wouldn’t really be the person to go shopping. Anything he wants, he orders it online. In secret, he would definitely order for you some merchandise of your favorite musicals. Acts like he doesn’t know how this Broadway merch reached your doorstep. Tells you teasingly that it might have been from your secret fan.

◇ From the leisure of his computer, watching musicals is a great pastime for him too. He likes letting them play in the background as he works, or watching them whenever he has a break.

◇ He might not admit it, but he researches this topic once in a while. Wants to learn the terminology, and generally the words the fans use, to surprise you next time you watch a musical together. Just don’t point it out if you see his phone filled with tabs, ranging from wikipedia to random fan blogs, all about musicals. He’ll get a bit embarrassed.

◇ Once you’ve watched many musicals together, he might randomly quote some of the most well-known lines. While humorously mimicking the character’s movements and their voice. He’d do this in public. Paired with some completely random and nonsensical sci-fi sound effects he makes. He finds it funny.

◇ Would surprise you on one of your most special days with tickets to a new upcoming Broadway musical, with the actors you adore. No matter how much you ask, he never reveals how he ended up learning about this so fast. Though, he gives you a little hint and explains that it hasn’t been released to the public yet. Just says that he has some inside sources that informed him & helped him get his hands on those precious tickets.

[natasha-in-space]

hi!!! can I request a school ver seven and MC maybe confessing to each other? I wanna write a bunch of school ver mysme stories but I just don't have any time 🥹

Sooo, I actually ended up writing this promt in the canon timeline for mm, and not as an au... I just had this idea for a possible scenario, where you get to meet Saeyoung before he ever got the chance to join the RFA, and the rest was history. SO! I used his college fake name 'Chilyoung' for this drabble. This is kinda angsty... But, with the happy ending. Enjoy! :)

Today was going to be the day. The day you will finally overcome all your fears and take the leap of faith instead of fretting over every little thing that could possibly go wrong.

Your rapid heartbeat thundering all the way up into your temples, you paced through the quiet corridor, nervously fiddling with the sleeves of your shirt and waiting for him to leave the classroom. Your school day was over a few hours ago... But, you refused to leave, fighting against your inner demons and anticipating the moment you'll have to spill your heart free. And what a cliche situation this truly was... confessing your feelings to your school crush that has suddenly popped up into your life like a wild hurricane, sweeping you off your feet before you could even blink or shield yourself against the whipping wind.

Chilyoung was a boy bathed in secrets and mystery, being a transfer student with a truly genius mind. Granted, you did not think of him much at first. To say he was distant is to say nothing at all. He was someone who shocked almost every teacher and student with his exceptional abilities, but he also treated those around him coldly and seemingly indifferently. He sat and walked alone, refusing to be a part of any company friendly enough to outstretch their hands to the new student. It didn't take long for your classmates to give up their numerous attempts at befriending him, preferring instead to create a whole plethora of rumors that could potentially explain Chilyoung's withdrawn nature.

Some were sympathetic, while others cruel.

It wasn't until one fated day when you were paired up with him in order to work on a new school project, when you first interacted with him directly. You didn't have much of a choice back then, really. But, you kept an open mind. After all, your redheaded classmate was notorious for his outstanding skills and creativity. You just needed to find a way for you two to get along! And, well... the rest is history.

It's not like he became your best friend right of the bat, quite the opposite of that, actually. In the beginning, you were the only one babbling away about this and that, asking him various silly questions and trying to learn at least a tiny bit more about him. You quickly found out that trying to fish anything out about his personal life was not something he particularly enjoyed. For someone so closed off, his emotions were strangely easy for you to read.

You could always see it all in his eyes.

They would darken and lower onto his long fingers whenever you'd press the wrong button. On the opposite end, regardless of how neutral his face may seemed at first glance, his golden eyes would practically sparkle if you'd ask him to explain something he found particularly interesting about a math problem or some random fact about the universe. It was... cute. And, somewhat sad. Chilyoung was so very lonely... And yet, he refused to let anyone in.

You wondered why. Perhaps, today's the day you finally get to solve the elusive mystery by the name of Chilyoung Kim.

You were jolted out of your thoughts by the unmistakable deafening sound of the last bell ringing, making your heart start to race anew. Soon after, the doors to the computer class were flung open and a sea of laughing and chattering classmates filled the entire hall, eager to end their hard day of learning and blow off some steam with their friends. You paid no mind to them, though. Your eyes were too focused on trying to locate the one boy you were so desperate to see today, searching for a bright explosion of fiery red among the group.

And, there he was, coming out of the classroom as one of the last students to leave, with his pensive gaze studying a few notes he was meticulously placing into his notebook. He was always a diligent student, as you slowly learned about him. While he definitely was a smart one... that did not mean that he did not have to work hard. You could see the determination, the resignation in his eyes as he worked his way through yet another complex problem on his hand.

There was something he was working towards, something that pushed him to try as hard as he did.

Either way, you gulped, taking a single steadying breath and calling out after him once the hall grew quiet enough and everyone has already rushed off to their individual lockers. The sound of your voice crying out his name had him stopping in his tracks seemingly in an instant, his head whipping into your direction so quickly, you got a bit worried he might have strained his neck a little.

Oh Jeez... were you too loud?

You couldn't read him as he stared at you, obviously trying to figure out your intentions just as hard as you were trying to do the same with him. Well... not like you could back down from this now.

"Why are you still in school?" He asked, squinting his eyes a little in clear suspicion. "Your lessons ended hours ago."

"Uh- W-Well yes, but... I... had a very important question I needed to ask you." You stammered, suddenly feeling your cheeks burn from the realization of just what you were planning on doing. Oh, God, you were so nervous... But, a part of you refused to run. A part of you kept your trembling legs glued to the wooden floor, whispering somewhere in the corners of your mind, that there was no reason for you to be so afraid.

You wanted to get closer to Chilyoung, whatever this may mean for you two. You wanted for him to know just how much you care about him. You wanted... for him to know that he's not alone. Because you knew his heart desired for it strongly and desperately, regardless of the indifferent facade he put up in order to protect himself for some unknown reason.

"You could have just texted me, you know." He murmured, clearly taking notice of your frazzled state. You took a small breath of relief as his gaze visibly softened, his shoulders relaxing under his shirt and his attention now focused solely on you. This may not be a lot, but it's a sign that he does care. And, you needed to see that right now.

"Well... What is it? Is there something bothering you?"

Yeah, how pretty your eyes look.

You shook off the unwanted thought and clenched your hands into tight fists, deciding to try out a bit of an unconventional route to test the waters. Or, maybe, you were just trying to pull yourself together before you messed everything up. "I... Yes. But... It's a bit personal, so... I don't want for my other friends to tease me about it. And, I know that you're not that type of guy, so I can trust you with this. There's... Um, I really like one of my classmates. It took me some time to figure out my feelings for sure, but now I'm confident that I want us to be closer to each other. But, I'm terrified of pushing them away and ruining our friendship. They... mean a lot to me, you know?"

It felt weird, saying all of this in such a peculiar way. But... You just wanted to take a look at his reaction before you would make a choice to just come out and say it how it is. So, you stood there, your lips pursed into a thin line and your gaze fixed on him with an intensity you haven't felt before.

His expression remained blank for a while, his eyebrows slightly raised as he listened to your makeshift story in all its entirety. But then, you could notice his lips twitching, just enough for a resemblance of a pained frown to take its place on his freckled face, before he swiftly regained his stoic composure once more. However, you did not miss out on this small slip-up of his. And, once he did come up with a reply, his hands were clenched around his notebook way harder than they needed to be, his fingertips turning a shade of sickly white.

Chilyoung took a shaky breath, suddenly lowering his gaze onto the floor, just like he always did whenever you hit a nerve. A gesture you grew so familiar with, and yet, he still had no idea about just how perceptive you really are, when it comes to his self-expression. "...I'm not the one you should consult with about romantic relationships, Y/N. But... If that person means a lot to you, and if they truly make you happy... You should let them know that. You never know when will come the day you'll be forced to say goodbye to them, regardless whether you want to do it or not. Even if they may not understand you... You might regret keeping this truth from them for the rest of your life."

You blinked, not at all expecting to hear something of this nature from him. Your heart skipped a beat. This... felt way more personal than a mere advice for your crush.

This felt like something being spoken from a personal experience of his. And this thought... It made your hurt ache for him in more ways than one. Right now, he looked like the loneliest human alive. Chilyoung, too, seemed to catch onto the particular way that his words sounded, hurriedly continuing with a different narrative from before.

"-And, you deserve to be happy. You're... a good person, Y/N. If they make you happy, then... It's all I- It's all you need."

You took a step closer, all of your fears seemingly gone in an instant. "Chilyoung... I... I was actually talking about you. You're the one I like. That's... That's what I really wanted to talk to you about... I know you don't get along with anybody here, but I want to know more about you. And... I want you to know how much I care about you."

"You-" To your shock, he recoiled, uncharacteristically stumbling over his own legs in the process. He looked... almost terrified, staring wide eyed at you with thousands of conflictive emotions shown clearly on his usually indifferent face. "No. No, you can't. This is... No."

He sounded so hurt and scared, it almost made you question whether this was ever real or not. You never saw Chilyoung act out so openly and emotionally towards anyone before. But... you were not at all happy with the way that it happened.

"Chilyoung...? Hey... It's okay if you don't feel the same, really. I just... I wanted you to know that there's someone who really cares about you. That's all. I don't need anything in return, I promise." You tried to reassure him, slowly following him down the corridor. His reaction was... strange. It's one thing to feel upset about not being able to return one's feelings, and it's completely another to react as if you just got told the grimmest news possible.

But, your attempt did not help much. He shook his head vigorously, his breath coming out in short panicked gasps, all of his stoic facade long gone. "No, no, no, you don't understand, you can't! I can't! I can't- I can't do this! Why me? Just why the hell you chose someone like me!? Of all people!? Are you really thaf stupid!?"

His words... hurt. But, what hurt more, is just how distressed he sounded, how desperate and high his soft voice got, how utterly terrified he looked. Why is he acting like this? You reached out with your hand, at this point, disregarding everything to do with your confession and simply hoping to calm him down a little. "What are you talking about? I told you, it doesn't have to be so complicated... It's going to be okay."

A sound akin to a choked sob reached your ears as he backed even further away from you, refusing to look you in the eye, his voice dropping to a broken half-whisper. "I'm sorry. I don't have any other choice. Just- Know that it's not your fault."

Before you could utter a single word, he ran. He ran so fast, it felt like his life depended on it. And, you were left standing there, alone, confused and equally heartbroken both for his heart and your own.

The next day, Chilyoung did not come to school. And the next. And then the day after that. And the week right after. As well as the months that kept following on.

You thought you'd never see this redheaded boy again. That he'll simply remain as one of the first people that have ever made your heart flutter to life. But... it all changed once you noticed a strange app you did not remember installing onto your phone, years in the future.

Maybe, it was fate for you two to find each years down the line. A chance for you to make things right. Which is why you refused to let him go ever again.

[marshmallowprotection]

Yknow I’m still mad that people think V in Saeran’s AE was out of character. I love V btw, but I feel like it’s so in character that he does this. This is a dude who just disappears completely in Jaehee’s route and doesn’t tell anyone anything. Like for 6 months no one has heard a word from this man.

Or even if he doesn’t drop off the face of this earth, he still disappears on his “trips” and in each single route, Seven is still under the impression his brother is safe. (Except for Jumin’s Route which I wonder what V told him for Seven to just accept and move on? I can only assume he further lied and reassured him.)

V is a very interesting character and his route added a lot more complexity to his situation and feelings. But I feel like some people were so fixated on his route, they forget the harm he’s caused in enabling Rika and calling it unconditional love in everyone else’s route. He holds accountability in trying to “save” everyone (including Rika) by keeping everyone blissfully ignorant in an effort to solve everything himself.

And even then in the Secret Ending episodes, Saeran snitched by telling Mint Eye Vanderwood, Saeyoung and MC’s location. And who pops up to go with them? V. He begs Rika to not involve innocent people, but she dismisses him instead asking what to do with him. And he says “do as you please”. Being a martyr ain’t gonna solve anything, MC, Saeyoung anf Vanderwood know too much now. She aint letting anyone leave.

Being complacent and an enabler isn’t a good thing. He even says in his own route that his unconditional love and enabling her was hurting everyone. That his sacrificial tendencies weren’t solving anything. MC helps him realize that he really shouldn’t do this alone.

We never got to see the full extent of it in the Secret Episodes bc he dies. So I find V in Saeran’s AE so well done bc in other routes he’s already fallen down the rabbit hole for Rika, and each route’s ending is basically him going further down for her. But we don’t see this bc all Routes are made in a specific order of information. We just know V is very mysterious. But Saeran’s AE? We experience his descent. Like it’s happening in front of MC.

I just feel like V is overly victimized by the fandom for them to conclude his out of character in Saeran’s AE, he is both a victim and perpetrator bc of his complacency and enabling. This isn’t to say he’s a bad person, the world isn’t blavk and white. I think V is a good person who only had the best intentions. But the AE holds him accountable more. The Secret Episodes, he died before he could be held accountable. And the other routes he disappears before he could be held accountable.

I do have a bias tho, as an older sibling, if anything happened to my little sister and I was constantly lied to that she was safe and she isn’t. I’d lose my mind, like I gave y’all one job to take care of a child what do you mean she’s a cultist now?

This can be said for a lot of characters honestly, people reducing Zen as a narcissist. Yoosung being obsessed with Rika and the whole “being in love with his cousin”. Jumin being heartless Or even Ray being reduced to an uwu baby, even when Danger Ray is shown to prove otherwise.

Jihyun is a complicated character just as much as Rika is. They were both unhealthy to each other in ways I don't even want to get into as it might take all day to get through what went down between them in the past and present. They weren't in a place to be in a relationship at all. They didn't need to be with each other basically, point blank.

They went into their relationship not for the sake of love, but for the sake of someone holding out for love saving them as a mask that was barely stuck on their face as it was to prove the devil couldn't be real only to realize she wanted to be him, not be with him, and the other looking for a muse to navigate his feelings through hers and make up for the past in which his father failed his mother. That's not what any person wants in a relationship.

They needed help with their problems. Had they gotten that when they needed it, things wouldn't have gotten to where they did. But, that's what makes the game so interesting in the first place. We're looking at people who're human and struggling to be alive. People who make mistakes and fuck up. A lot. You're right, though, every character here is struggling in some capacity and it's not the right flavor for some people. That's because they're human.

You're not going to like everyone you meet, guys.

That's why I love this game in the first place. These characters aren't just abstract fantasy. They've got depth and it's fun to think about! It makes me feel better to know that there are characters who, even at the best, still have a long road to go before they feel better. That part is what humanizes them. It's what makes us feel so strongly about all of them in the first place.

V is not a character you can point at and say, "He's bad! He's good!" It doesn't work that way. He's human. He's done some bad and good in his life. We can't look at it from a black-and-white perspective when our world doesn't even operate that way. People are going to make a lot of mistakes in life, intentional or not, and it's up to us to figure out what we're willing to have in our lives. If you don't want someone like V in your life, by all means.

But, I get tired of people saying this stuff, too. V wasn't out of his element at all. He will do things in the name of trying to save every person in the room, no matter what the details are. That's a part of his unchecked trauma, which he is well aware of because he's able to say "I can't abandon people like my father abandoned my father. No matter what, I can't."

Which is why he refuses to give up on Rika in Saeran's Route. That's why he sells himself out to Saejoong to protect her, knowing that it wasn't healthy or right, but also concluding that this would be about the only thing to keep Rika out of prison and in danger... while letting the twins be safe at that expense. There's a thought bubble you can click as well where he mentions that he's playing the role of a villain to make this work. He knows what he's doing.

The same way he knew what he was doing in the Secret Ending by bowing his head to Rika, begging her to only hurt him, only to travel to the cabin and take you and your little group back to Mint Eye. He will do things for the sake of not being his father, to the detriment of everyone in the room. Does that make him a monster? Hard to say, I think it comes down to your feelings on the matter.

Don't say that V is only a victim. V is a victim, he truly is. But he is also an enabler, and guilty of doing wrong, too. You can feel sympathy for him, of course, the same way a lot of people identify and feel for Rika, as long as you know that he's made mistakes and done wrong, too. I think that's important for people to think about... especially if you're playing through Saeran's After Ending which is all about taking your accountability and being willing to face it.

Even if that means you lose everything.

The truth is better than lies.

This can be applied to any character in the game. Any of them can be spoken about like this since they've all done or said things that might not be the best. That's coming from someone who loves Saeran quite a bit. I can tell you right now that he's done a lot of things that aren't good. But, I love him and understand what he's been through. I chose to forgive him and understand him, but that doesn't mean that others have to do the same.

But, if we're going to talk about characters who are morally grey, we need to talk about everything. You can't discount their mistakes and fuck ups just to point out something else. I try to avoid talking a lot about Rika and V in that vein because I've been here since 2016 and I am so tired of having the same debates come up over and over again about V and Rika.

You might be surprised to hear this but despite everything, V is like... my third favorite character because of how deeply complex he is as a person. I just never get to talk about it because it's too often people ignore the depth of his character. It's a shame people miss that talk when it's so blatant in his route where he says, "I did wrong. I need to make things right by speaking the truth. I accept responsibility and I know I'm at fault."

[juminies]

talk to him

post secret ending. jumin doesn't mourn (except he does).

angst, referenced character death, implied alcoholism, secret ending spoilers

AN: I originally had this idea a couple of months ago with the intention of it being a letter from Jumin, accompanied by art in a sort of comic style. I have come to realise it's somewhat unrealistic that I'll ever actually finish that hahaha. I still didn't want the idea to go unseen forever, though, so on a whim I fleshed it out for it to make sense as a fic :-)

☁︎

“You’re not normal,” Zen mumbles, clearly irritated that he isn’t getting through. Jumin has been listening but has little to say – the alcohol has his brain too clouded and he’s too focused on the fact that Zen’s glare feels as though it could kill him if he’s not careful. Jumin hates it; hates that he’s being interrogated in his own home; hates the way he feels trapped; hates the familiarity of being seen as abnormal.

He tries to suppress the brewing unsettling feeling that some sort of Medusa is standing in front of him. The RFA does not need to lose another member in a matter of months, and while Jumin thinks himself more logical than to believe that Zen could possibly petrify him, there’s something in the back of his mind that whispers the chance of danger.

“I still don’t understand why you’re here,” Jumin says, if not just to break up his own thoughts. Zen continues to hover near the doorway of the penthouse. He hasn’t moved since he arrived eight minutes and twenty-four seconds ago, and has essentially repeated himself five times, though it still isn’t making sense.

“I told you. I– Saeyoung and Yoosung are worried about you.”

“Then why aren’t Saeyoung or Yoosung here rather than you?”

Zen huffs and clenches his fists. “Stop being so aggravating and just– Everyone is worried!”

“Then tell them not to be. My emotions are none of your concern, and to be frank I’d much rather remain a pillar for you all in situations like this.” He swirls the amber liquid in the glass he’s holding. “I am used to enduring. I have been enduring for months already and I will continue to endure. Now, if we have nothing else to discuss and you aren’t in need of my assistance, feel free to leave.”

Jumin feels Zen’s eyes leave him, finally, and he uses the opportunity to look up. He takes a victory sip of whiskey when he finds that Zen’s hair has not turned into snakes.

There’s a long, haunting silence. Zen wanders a few steps across the room to a bookcase and picks up a photograph lying face down on a shelf. It had been placed face down on purpose, but the actor takes the opportunity to stand it back up.

A much younger, happier Jihyun stares at Jumin from within the frame. His once loving gaze now feels even sharper than Zen’s.

“Maybe you should try talking to him,” Zen finally suggests. He spares a glance to the almost empty glass of liquor as he notices Jumin put it down on the side table. “Or writing, or something other than sitting around drinking your feelings away like an idiot.”

“To whom, exactly?” Jumin asks, though he knows, and he can already feel Zen's patience withering away.

“V.”

Jumin subconsciously digs his nails into where they rest on his thigh, hard enough that it’s certain to leave little half-moons in his flesh – even through the thick material of his trousers.

“I said what I needed to at his funeral.”

As if he hadn’t tried calling V’s phone tens of times since he passed, hoping for one more chance. He had only gotten to hear his voice through the answerphone message twice before the battery died along with its owner.

“Listen, trustf–” Zen starts, a little too angry. He takes a deep breath. “We all know you’re not coping as well as you’re pretending to. He was your best friend! You’re allowed to be upset. You should be, even!”

“Again, it’s none of your concern.”

Zen lets out a sigh, or a grumble. Jumin can’t tell.

“Whatever. I’ll get going.”

Jumin hums, displeased, and looks at the clock as the younger man turns to exit. Eleven minutes and eight seconds of Jumin’s time, wasted.

Then Zen pauses, turning back to where the director is seated, one leg crossed over the other, nails still pressed harshly into dark grey wool. Jumin doesn’t look away, even for the still lingering fear of being turned to stone. He continues to count the seconds that build up.

“Just think about it.”

—

Jumin has barely slept in days. Sometimes the wine – whiskey on worse nights – puts him to sleep, but tonight he’s angry. Too angry to sleep, though he won’t admit it to anyone but himself. The others might assume things; place wild bets on whether or not he cares, but they don’t know unless he tells them. And he won’t.

It’s almost 4am when he finally moves from his position on the couch. Surely he may as well try to get some sleep. An hour and a half is better than none.

As he stands and turns toward the direction of the master bedroom however, the picture Zen had repositioned on the shelf hours before catches his eye. And he does not go to bed. He places the frame face down again and makes his way to the old desk in his barely-used home office.

He sits with nothing but the word Jihyun written in front of him for twenty minutes, unable to form words on the page, then tries to give up. He leaves the room, the light flicking off behind him bathing him in darkness once again.

He walks back past the bookcase. Backtracks; stands the photo up again. He loiters in front of it for a few seconds, unable to pull himself away until he suddenly feels compelled to apologise (though for what he's not sure).

He goes back into the office. He doesn’t bother switching the light back on, instead opting for a dingy reading lamp he’s had since he moved in. He’s half surprised to find the bulb still works.

His pen scratches as he begins to write, on the verge of running out of ink.

Jihyun.

When we were young, and you asked me, “Which one of us do you think will marry first?” I was certain it would be you. It just made sense, did it not? You were always warmer than I was. You were more approachable. For better or for worse, you were more willing to give up everything for someone you loved. So when you told me that you were to marry Rika, my congratulations were promptly followed by an “I told you so.” I thought it was entertaining that you weren’t sure what I was referring to, but my memory always was better than yours, wasn’t it? You couldn't even recall once I told you the story; explained what you had asked while you were feeling somewhat existential about our futures one evening shortly before I left the country for college.

Of course, when Rika left us I was heartbroken – for you more so than I. Congratulations had quickly become condolences. Did I ever tell you, though, that I always thought you handled her death extraordinarily, despite the distance it put between us? Because I did. At the time, I did. It was only as she stood silently across from me in the churchyard three months ago that I came to understand why you seemed to take it so well.

When we were young and you asked me, “Which one of us do you think will marry first?” I was certain it would be you. But considering it now, you always were so stubborn. Too self-sacrificing.

I can’t help but feel a little regretful for telling you that I will never forgive you for leaving on your own, though it’s true. Don’t you know you had so much ahead of you? So much you could still have ahead of you? Had you just talked to me; had I just been more persistent. I think you’ve left me with more questions than I started with.

I also have one more answer, however. It seems it will be me.

[alotsgonnachange]

Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!