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deadcactuswalking · 5 years ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 14/02/2020

This’ll either be a long episode, a very confusing one, or both. We have nine new arrivals, which might actually be our most ever, although it’s probably tied with one from last year unless we had something ridiculous like twelve new arrivals. Let’s just get this over with.

Top 10

First of all, celebrating its second week at #1, we have “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd stable since last week at the top spot. I love this song, so I’m definitely glad to see it here.

Speaking of songs I love, “The Box” by Roddy Ricch isn’t moving either at number-two.

In fact, much like most of our busy weeks, the top 10 doesn’t necessarily reflect that, as with some exceptions, there’s nothing of note to speak of here. “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi is stable at number-three.

The number-four spot has also stabilised; “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa is there, and doesn’t seem to have any competition.

Neither does “Godzilla” by Eminem featuring the late Juice WRLD, unfortunately, at number-five.

Up two spots to number-six for whatever reason is “Life is Good” by Drake, then Future – this might rebound even higher next week due to a DaBaby remix.

“Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is down a spot to number-seven, but it’ll be back in the top five once the BRITs have their impact. Delightful.

Our big story in the top 10 is the 13-space boost for “Roses” up to number-eight, meaning it’s Saint Jhn’s first ever top 10 single in the UK, and, yeah, sure, we’ll give Imanbek credit for that too, since his unauthorised house remix really blew it up all over Europe. Hence, I’m pretty sure this is the first Kazakh lead artist on a UK Top 10 single, and that’s pretty epic.

Billie Eilish’s “everything i wanted” is down two spots to number-nine.

And finally, to round off our top 10, is the non-mover, “Adore You” by Harry Styles.

Climbers

To my surprise, we do actually have a few notable climbers, and a lot more than I expected at that. First, there’s “You should be sad” by Halsey up five spaces to #12, making a pretty unexpected play for the top 10. There’s also “Lonely” by Joel Corry up 14 spaces to #16 off of the debut, and “Lose You to Love Me” by Selena Gomez inexplicably moving up six spots to #21. Maybe in the wake of a Justin Bieber album, there’s some stan revenge streaming? It’s a stretch but that’s honestly my only explanation other than it making another, more organic chart run. I do have a reason for Jonas Brothers and the nine-spot boost for “What a Man Gotta Do”: the second video as well as the One Show performance, which is still something millions of people watch here in the UK. “Better Off Without You” by Becky Hill and Shift K3y is up 12 to #24 off of the debut and finally, “Say So” by Doja Cat is up 10 spots to #25 also off of the debut (Not complaining about that one).

Fallers

There were some pretty massive fallers this week but also not actually that many that were notable, and definitely ones that demonstrate a transition period between Winter 2019/2020 and Spring 2020, but these are also mostly hip-hop and rap, hence can be explained by streaming cuts, an arbitrary UK chart rule that affects nearly exclusively one genre for the most part. That’s not the case for all of them though; “Wake Up Call” by KSI featuring Trippie Redd is down 17 spaces to #28 because it’s a song by a YouTuber, and hence usually a bit crap. The rule did affect, however, “ROXANNE” by Arizona Zervas, down 24 spaces to #33, and “Memories” by Maroon 5, an exception to the rule seemingly, down 23 spots to #39.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

There were a hell of a lot of dropouts and actually two returning entries, for once. All of these dropouts don’t seem like they’re going to gain much traction after this week, and if they do, it’ll probably be some kind of fluke or special event that gets them back up there. I can see about three or four of these returning to the dregs of the top 40, but otherwise this seems to be the end of the line for most of these. “Bruises” by Lewis Capaldi is out from #15, “Pump it Up” by DJ Endor is out from #23, “Lose Control” by MEDUZA, Goodboys and Becky Hill is out from #25, “This is Real” by Jax Jones featuring Ella Henderson is out from #26, “Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean ends its second run out from #29, “Gangsta” by Darkoo and One Acen is out from #32, “Don’t Rush” by Young T & Bugsey with Headie One is out from #34, “Ladbroke Grove” by AJ Tracey is out for what must be the fourth time from #37, “Those Kinda Nights” by Eminem featuring Ed Sheeran is thankfully out from #38, “Vossi Bop” by Stormzy is temporarily out from #39 but the BRITs will probably pick this one up and boost its numbers, and finally, “Big Conspiracy” by J Hus featuring iceé tgm is out from #40. The other two J Hus songs are somehow still in the top 40.

The two returning entries are, firstly, “Hold Me While You Wait” by Lewis Capaldi returning at #30, seemingly in a trade with “Bruises”, because, I guess two Capaldi songs in the top 10 isn’t enough. The second is “Pee Pee” by M Huncho at #40, and I just love how stupid that song is. It’s actually a pretty fun and arguably good song, but I also have so many questions about it, like why the album it’s from is called Huncholini the 1st. I’m glad to see it back here though. Anyway, before we get to the new arrivals, here are some songs below the top 40 that I could see getting here in a couple weeks, if that. Not all of them are good, not all of them are bad. We have “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo at #72, “No Judgement” at Niall Horan at #70, “Yikes” by Nicki Minaj at #69, “No Shame” by 5 Seconds of Summer at #68, “What if I Told You that I Love You” by Ali Gatie at #63, “Charades” by Headie One and Fred Again at #57, “Stop this Flame” by Celeste at #56, “Staqdo” by MoStack at #54, “Mya Mills” by Lil Pino at #50, “Run” by Joji at #46, “High Fashion” by Roddy Ricch and Mustard at #45, and finally, “Ourself” by NSG at #43. Now, for our new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#38 – “Ballin’” – Mustard and Roddy Ricch

Produced by Mustard, Justus West and Gylttrip

Okay, so this is a song I’ve been predicting would breach the top 40 for ages, mostly because it’s already been a massive hit in 2019 for the US, and hence is on my list of the best hit songs of 2019, which will probably be the last of one of those lists that I actually do. It’s #14, so it’s not that high, but I feel like I should talk more in-depth there since the list’ll be out as soon as possible, probably this month. It’s Mustard’s first UK Top 40 hit as a lead artist (Congratulations) and Roddy Ricch’s second – I love this song, we’ll talk about it more another day, that’s all.

#37 – “Suicidal” – YNW Melly

Produced by Z3n

Okay, so let me explain: Yes, YNW Melly, real name Jamell Demons (Fitting name by the way), is still in prison facing murder charges. This is the third album he’s released behind bars, obviously the others were released while he was incarcerated for less serious offenses, but it’s not exactly a new concept and hey, the label aren’t milking his death, at least, although they are milking the murder of two other people, so I guess that point’s out the window. It’s not impossible to make an album from prison but they’re probably just taking snippets of his SoundCloud stuff or unreleased demos and re-releasing it as new content. This is his second UK Top 40 hit after “Murder on My Mind” – if you go by just his song titles, this man is guilty as all hell – and well, it was never going to be any good, was it? The dull piano-lead trap beat isn’t emotive at all, and with the disruptive producer tags and clipping bass, as well as the generic emo guitar, it just feels emotionless, which is awful for a song called “Suicidal”, and YNW Melly is actually giving it all trying to replicate a typical emo-pop song with his voice that I actually love hearing most of the time, especially when it’s drowned in Auto-Tune like this; the vocal track here, despite oddly mixed, would sound great in isolation. Sadly, this beat is so boring, and he goes off topic so many times, with his structure-less flow and monotonous rambling about how he’s got his bag now and everyone’s wishing bad on him now (Probably because he’s facing murder charges)... yeah, this just does nothing for me, and it’s clearly an immature attempt at making a deep, powerful break-up song, even with some of the most pathetic inflections I’ve heard from the man in that “I’m drinkin’ Hennessey” bridge, as well as his heartbreak ending up being as deep as “I swear to God, I swear to God, you stupid bitch”. Yeah, no, this is not great at all, and way too long, by the way.

#36 – “Birthday” – Anne-Marie

Produced by Oak

So, if you forgot who Anne-Marie was, first of all I don’t blame you because so did I, but second of all, she’s a pop songstress who often hops on dancehall or house beats with a voice and delivery that treads the line between indie-girl mumble mouth and a fake Caribbean accent. This is the lead single from her second album, that actually debuted dangerously low—seriously, this is looking like it’s prepared for a sophomore slump ala Camila Cabello’s Romance late last year, although admittedly Anne-Marie’s chart presence, whilst seemingly omnipresent in 2018 and early 2019, has dwindled considerably. This is her tenth UK Top 40 hit, and well, I don’t exactly know what to expect but I’m guessing some fluffy, vaguely tropical dance-pop tune, but it could be a ballad for all I know. It doesn’t look like I’m too far off, but this one is particularly obnoxious, with a dated, beeping synth tone acting as the main melody, an aggravatingly static hi-hat pattern, a messy and out-of-place drum beat that sounds straight out of a shit Flume rip-off, some of Anne-Marie’s most obnoxious Auto-Tuned vocal inflections (And some of her most Kehlani-like, may I add), and vocal mixing that is questionably lower than the drums in the pre-chorus, even though they’re clearly not backing vocals. The chorus is hilariously trite, saying, “Goddamn, it’s my birthday”, and that people should give her money because it’s her birthday. Basically, it’s about a spoiled teenager on her 16th birthday being all rebellious and edgy to spite their parents but without any actual emotion or passion, and instead some pathetic vocal runs and disgusting, cluttered instrumentation... actually, that would describe a teenage birthday party pretty well. The little chuckle at the end in place of an outro is also really cringe worthy. What an awful song – it’s been a while since we’ve had a hit here that seems fundamentally broken, but this gets pretty close.

#34 – “Know Your Worth” – Khalid and Disclosure

Produced by Disclosure

R&B singer Khalid and EDM group Disclosure, two acts I happen to be very fond of whenever they appear on this show, have collaborated for the second time since 2019’s “Talk”, a song which I love but won’t be making an appearance on my best list for that year for one simple reason that’ll seem obvious once you read that list. This collaboration doesn’t seem to be for an album, though, and is instead an advert for Levi’s jeans. Nice. It’s Khalid’s thirteenth and Disclosure’s sixth (ironically excluding “Talk” as they weren’t properly credited as lead artist) UK Top 40 hit, and it sure is a Disclosure song, with their more modern EDM touches they’ve been picking up recently in productions like the aforementioned “Talk” and Mac Miller’s “Blue World”, but with some really sweet steel pans, the same stilted groove they’re known for, a quirky collection of beeping synths and a familiar yelling vocal sample that I can’t find the original source for anywhere. Khalid rides on the instrumental pretty nicely and smoothly but this really isn’t anything special, with the lyrics mostly being some kind of general motivation or self-empowerment, mostly directed towards a girl whose significant other doesn’t exactly treat her like she is worth, apparently to Khalid. I think Shawn Mendes is rubbing off on you, mate.

#32 – “London” – M24 featuring Tion Wayne

Produced by ETS

Hey, Tion Wayne! I like this dude a lot, and I was thinking about him a couple days ago, thinking that he’d had his time up on the charts, but he seems to be back with M24, another British rapper, for this new single. Tion Wayne is one of the main reasons “Options” by NSG is one of my most-listened songs of last year, and has since delivered excellent verses on “Bally” with the equally charismatic Swarmz and tried to lighten up the amazingly dull “Keisha & Becky” by Russ splash, who has since changed his name because of course he has. It’s safe to say he’s one of my favourite of the recent crop of London rappers, simply because of how fun his cadences can be. I was surprised when I saw him on a sharp black-and-white cover art with a song about London, which I assumed would be about the struggles of gang violence and poverty that Tion Wayne has since risen above, but instead, for his fourth UK Top 40 hit and M24’s first ever, we have a chorus that goes, “That gyal wan’ shock, one eye on her arse like, “Holy f***”, look at the arch, you know I buss, back up the arse like uh-uh”. That’s actually about what I expected from Tion Wayne to be honest. Looking back on all those songs that I mentioned, especially “Bally”, it has interesting, eccentric, exciting and energetic cadences, as well as some upbeat production that is sourly missing from people like Aitch and DigDat. That’s why while I was slightly disappointed by the more minimalist, dull, colourless drill production, which honestly actually kind of bangs, I was welcomed by Tion Wayne’s hilarious hook, especially the “UH UH” ad-lib, and his injections of humour into the verses, which M24 tries as well. Both M24’s more aggressive stuttering delivery and Tion Wayne’s more carefree flow work for this beat (which is unfitting for a song that’s supposed to be about attractive women by the way; this is in no way sexy), with Tion Wayne’s first verse seemingly carrying the theme of “beef”, and he likes a fight in prison because it’s “beef in a cell”... “like Beyoncé”? Huh? He kind of gets away with it though, as the next line is even funnier; his gun is like his roll-on deodorant because it doesn’t leave shells. He shouts out his designer-brand boxers then says that he will fight a man for his phone charger. You get why I like this dude, right? He’s kind of absurd. M24 and Tion Wayne trade bars on the second verse, with M24 even lightening up to say that his sex is so good that his groupies try to invite their mother. Lovely. They also share some clever worldplay about “ye” (drugs) and Kanye, both comparing themselves to Kim Kardashian in the process. All this is without overstaying its welcome, by the way, it’s less than three minutes. Wayne then, for a final few bars, adopts the “A$AP Forever�� flow to shout out basically every woman in England, as well as saying this:

I f*** your girl from the back / I put my block on the map

These two events (hopefully) have no relation to each other, like at all. Never change, Tion Wayne.

#31 – “Destined for Greatness” – Tobi & Manny featuring Janelle

Produced by Krunchie and Zdot

I knew this was going to be a tricky one once I realised that I know more about the producers than I do about any of the three primary vocalists here. Krunchie and Zdot are responsible for much of Bugzy Malone’s discography, especially the older stuff. Anyway, this is the first UK Top 40 hit for Tobi & Manny, a duo much like Young T & Bugsey or Krept and Konan made of two members or affiliates of the Sidemen, namely: Tobi and Manny, two brothers that joined KSI’s group of YouTubers, rappers, entertainers, FIFA players, what have you. They teamed up with their sister Janelle, who actually contributes very little to the song, no more than a short intro and backing vocals, for a kid-friendly motivational anthem – on a dark, menacing beat. Of course. Yeah, this is pathetic. Both Tobi and Manny have no interesting bars, and whilst it is mostly a story-telling song, there isn’t any passion in their voices about their come-up, so why should I care? Janelle doesn’t exist, and if she does, she’s annoying, joining in on the bland hook for a somewhat colourful addition to the shitty non-entities of Tobi and Manny, both of whom are just phoning it in, but I feel like this is them trying to be their best, to be honest. This is just corny, and aggravatingly so, with a boring beat to boot. I have no idea how this debuted this high, when it is this painfully amateur. “We’re controlling the game like Nintendo Wii”? Give me a break. Oh, and I listened to Tobi’s only other official single as part of the Sidemen on “The Gift”, and somehow he had the best verse.

#29 – “React” – The Pussycat Dolls

Produced by Will Simms, Johan Gustafson and Ivares

The Pussycat Dolls were a girl group formed in the 2000s, who were reasonably big worldwide and massive here in the UK. They weren’t made by a British talent show, but they were similarly generic and basically just the sexier alternative to the more teeny-bopper groups, and hence I guess were made more for boys than they were for girls, in that respect, but even for today, despite being produced and directed by men for men and presented consistently in an awfully objectifying manner, they have kept that “girl power” schtick. You may know them for “Don’t Cha”, “Buttons”, “Beep”, “I Hate This Part”, whatever, they’re all garbage. After the group split only lead singer Nicole Sherzinger retained relevance and officially made the only good song tangentially related to the Dolls, with her (originally uncredited) feature on “Club Can’t Handle Me” by Flo Rida and David Guetta. I mean, it’s a low bar that you’d think they’d be able to ascend, but I can’t think of a single song from the Dolls that is better. Anyway, they’re all in their 40s now, and they’ve reunited for their eleventh UK Top 40 hit (and their first since 2010’s “Hush Hush, Hush Hush” peaked at #17), with massive comeback, television debut, high-budget music video and... a chart debut at #29. Yikes. Well, the Dolls were always dancers rather than singers, so people won’t purchase the single in the streaming era where you can choose what to listen to and you’re not having songs pushed down your throat by radio stations incessant label promotion (Well, at least not most of the time, Drake). I think the only reason the song is even in the top 40 at all is that the UK Singles Chart decided three years ago that YouTube streams counted for the chart. Listen, the song is manufactured plastic dance-pop that’s worth no-one’s time, with even the most distinct voice in the band, Scherzinger, sounding like a vocaloid. The chorus is a massive rip-off of the melody from the verses of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “I Really Like You”, by the way. Once I heard that, I couldn’t get it out of my head. Jepsen’s song is actually good, by the way.

#27 – “Power Over Me” – Dermot Kennedy

Produced by Koz

Remember “Outnumbered”? That was a pretty decent folk-trap hit, right? Well, Dermot Kennedy is back for his second UK Top 40 single, which was actually released far before his breakout hit but is getting the push now, “Power Over Me”, originally released in 2018. Now, it’s basically the same concept: Irish dude croons and belts over a guitar-lead pop song... but this isn’t a ballad, and instead has a real kick to it, figuratively and literally, but very little groove. The song isn’t bad at all, and I love the concept of a song of not him having the power in this relationship, but him finding himself subservient to this girl, who he paints as some kind of deity figure, and it’s convincing. God, I love how the drums sound in this song. The humming in the pre-chorus is just so sonically pleasing as well. The belting in the bridge and the mesh of guitar, on the other hand, isn’t really, but damn, the strings in the final chorus are genuinely gorgeous, and it’s catchy as hell, so for a good folk-rock love song, yeah, I can vouch for this one. There’s a MEDUZA house remix to this that hilariously misses the point of this song but sounds crazy good doing it, and might be a bit better than the original, if just for the blend of 80s post-disco and 16-bit chiptune bass in the drop. Either way, this is a good song, and reminds me kind of 2000s alt-rock, as did “Outnumbered”, to be honest. Maybe I should check out that debut self-titled album.

#14 – “Intentions” – Justin Bieber featuring Quavo

Produced by Poo Bear and the Audibles

This is the most 2016-sounding song that was released after 2017, and that’s just off the title alone. You guys want to add Chance the Rapper while you’re at it? God, what an anti-climactic end to our new arrivals. Justin Bieber and Quavo. I cannot imagine a blander, less interesting duo than Justin Bieber and Quavo. I think I’ve lived approximately five Quavo verses ever, the dude is so non-descript compared to the rest of the Migos, especially Offset, who, to be honest, I’ve become quite a fan of in recent months. It’s Bieber’s 46th UK Top 40 hit or something to that effect, and Quavo’s seventh but who cares, honestly? Who is listening to Bieber out of passion for his music or voice or whatever? Only his biggest, most loyal fans. The general public who casually listen to Bieber are listening more out of morbid curiosity than anything else, and for someone who seemed like the biggest star in the world at some point, that’s just depressing. Yeah, I have nothing else to say, and I’ll continue to ignore actually reviewing this dude’s songs, even once the album bomb comes next week, if it even does. I think the “(feat. Lil Dicky)” song might be even more dreadfully embarrassing than the “(feat. Quavo)”, actually.

Conclusion

All things considered, this was a below-average week but I had a lot of fun reviewing these songs, so at least most of them were interestingly bad or had intriguing stories behind them. Even if I didn’t review it, the Best of the Week is still going to “Ballin’” by Mustard and Roddy Ricch, with Honourable Mention probably being a toss-up between “London” by M24 featuring Tion Wayne, and “Power Over Me” by Dermot Kennedy. The Worst of the Week is undoubtedly “Birthday” by Anne-Marie, with “Destined for Greatness” by whoever that was by picking up the Dishonourable Mention. This could be one of two or three big weeks on the horizon, so watch out for that and follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for my real-time reactions to said weeks, and more pop music ramblings. Thank you for reading!

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020

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terryblount · 6 years ago

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Ashen Review: It’s Dark Souls but Much Worse

Last Thursday at The Game Awards the announcement was made: Ashen is out now, exclusive to the Epic Games Store (why?). This game, years in the making, is suddenly unleashed upon the world with almost no marketing and not available on the world’s largest game store (Steam). A dubious start. So what is this game, and is it worth the wait?

Ashen, quite simply, is a low-budget Dark Souls clone that’s inferior in every way. It’s fairly short, has no character choices or builds, is a bit floaty and imprecise with its combat, and has a nonsensical story. However, there is a certain charm to it if you’re a die-hard Souls-like fan, but Ashen does little to win over new players to the genre.

The Art Style: Pretty but Problematic

The most striking thing about this game ever since its 2015 reveal is the unique minimalistic art style. There’s certainly an appeal to this very bleak and drab world featuring characters with no faces. There’s some lovely views and inspiring environments that invite exploration.

This is one of the more colorful and impressive landscapes. The joy of exploration!

However, I can’t help but feel the art style choice was made more for the sake of easier art creation than good game design. From nearly the very start the art style gets in the way of playability. The enemies, clutter, and backgrounds blend together as mostly muted grays and browns, which limits the visual distinction needed during intense combat. More on that later.

The Story: Dark Souls but Nonsensical

From the start the game presents itself as almost absurdly inspired by Dark Souls. The introduction cutscene is a close copy of the original Dark Souls introduction…except without the quality art, excellent voice acting, and haunting atmosphere.

The story, as best as I can describe it, is about an old power that brought light to the world but fell and was consumed by the dark or something. You’re trying to figure out a way back to the light. Maybe.

The game also falls victim to fantasy term overload. There’s Listeners and Humans and Ashen and Elder Dark and Gefn (who’s totally not Gwyn from Dark Souls)…and none of this is allowed to have its time and place.

“Ake had the blood of chiefs in his veins and the brains of a fangfish in his skull.” – Eila

Dark Souls’ story gets away with ambiguity because it creates a living and breathing world for you to unravel as you play. Ashen has no such subtlety or depth here, partially because of it’s low-budget.

To prove my point, the characters speak quite seriously, with fairly low-quality voice acting (budget constraints again), as if any of their unexplained fantasy talk means something. Yet it’s easy to see that their quests are actually quite contrived, mostly being fetch or kill quests that conveniently pad out the gameplay time.

Here be a quest giver! She probably needs something fetched or someone killed.

Crafting: Thinking not Required

Continuing the trend of inferior copycat, the crafting/upgrade system in Ashen is also a lesser version of Dark Souls. There’s only two meaningful weapon types: one-handed and two-handed. And there’s only one upgrade path for each weapon. Your armor and shield can’t be upgraded, and the armor is simply one single piece instead of the mix-and-match sets of Dark Souls.

“A tinker without tools is like a lamp without fuel. A dull affair indeed.” – Flokir

What’s worse is there’s not really any distinct move sets between clubs or axes or whatnot (there are no swords for some reason). Therefore, you basically pick any weapon you want and dutifully upgrade it as you collect the plentiful materials. It’s very basic and the lack of interesting choices makes this feel all rather perfunctory.

I’m exploring this mountain pass using the club and shield because it’s all the same anyway.

Character Non-Building

Perhaps most puzzling is the complete lack character leveling system, which means there are no assignable stat points, which means there are no character builds. You earn points when you kill enemies, but these points are only used to upgrade or modify or purchase various items.

“You are stronger now, child of mine. In spirit, in body, and in the company you keep.” – Gefn

For the first few hours I kept thinking I must be missing the system that lets me, you know, build my character! But I wasn’t missing anything. There is simply no character building system. So bizarre.

There is a simply rune system you can equip and expand as you play, giving slight boosts to stamina or whatnot. However, there’s also no magic or spell system of any kind. I guess that would have been too much to ask?

The World Itself: Looting & Climbing

Things are looking pretty bad for Ashen so far, but the world itself is a bright spot. There’s dank caves, ruined palaces, peaceful rivers, expansive plains, bandit hideouts, and more. Many of the locations are inspired by (take a wild guess) Dark Souls, but even if the creativity is lacking, exploration is enjoyable.

I do enjoy a good treasure hidden around a corner! Poor little skeleton…time to loot!

One big reason for the enjoyment is all the hidden treasures stashed throughout the environments. It’s good fun entering new areas for the first time and finding the nooks and crannies often containing loot. Although most of these items aren’t very helpful since the lack of crafting choices limits the rare loot. Oh well.

I should mention there’s a climbing system that lets you grapple up roughly neck-high objects. It’s a bit wonky, but it let’s you explore in some unique and cool ways…and die often as you fail to climb properly and fall to your unfortunate death…

The One Unique Thing: Your Village

I must mention the one unique aspect of Ashen: the village-building system. The tutorial has you found a small village that is basically just some fields and rocks by a river. You’ll encounter various characters in the world that will join your cause and move in to your village.

Ah, home sweet home by the fire! Watching my village expand is a real highlight.

As you complete quests for various characters, you’ll visually see their houses being built. It’s a nice touch that serves to connect you to the world a bit more, and that connection is desperately needed to make things feel a bit more cohesive.

Note that there are zero choices to make regarding the building system. It’s all automatic. You don’t do anything except play and watch, which is fine I guess but a bit disappointing compared to what other games offer these days.

The Fiddly and Deadly Combat

Being a Dark Souls clone, this game lives and dies by how well balanced and solid the combat system is. On the plus side the “you can die in a moment if you’re not careful” threat is ever-present, giving a very nice sense wariness and accomplishment as you explore more dangerous and demanding encounters.

Less fortunate is the finicky controls and floaty-feeling movement. There’s very little weightiness to the combat. Often it feels like you’re just flailing about, hoping the targeting system puts you in the right attack direction.

Too many effects going off, too much chaos. Battles are far too messy to carefully study.

The combat balancing is mostly good, but there are several obnoxious locations inspired by the most annoying locations of past Dark Souls games (Blighttown, New Londo Ruins, Shrine of Amana).

It’s very dark and dangerous. There’s a bunch of enemies who may jump out at any moment…

Cooperative Play and AI Woes

Ashen is weird when it comes to multiplayer. It tries for some bizarre combination of Dark Souls and Journey and it’s kind of a mess. You can join up with other real players at times. However, most of the game will likely be played with an AI companion. Although sometimes you’ll play alone because the game is either broken or maybe it’s intentional…I’m not sure.

Speaking of the AI, usually the AI companion will attack the enemies and revive you if you go down. However, there’s plenty of times the AI will get stuck, be unable to follow, may stop attacking, and will stand next to your dying body refusing to revive you. Not cool at all.

My idiot AI companion is standing over there, refusing to come revive me. Very upsetting.

Overall, the cooperative system is unreliable. For a game that is so hard in spots and built for coop, there needs to be far better companion AI and an easier way to join up with a real world friend.

Conclusion: The Price is Too High

Ashen is a lesser Dark Souls clone with a nonsense story, no character building, messy combat, fiddly cooperative play, and a fairly small world by comparison.

On the positive side, the art style has its charms, and the village-building is a nice concept. I did enjoy my time with it, but I realize this is mostly because I’m a Souls-like fanatic who’ll enjoy even poorly made imitations.

However, there just isn’t enough quality here to justify the asking price of $40. If the game was priced at $20, I’d definitely recommend it to Souls-like fans because the game feels roughly one-third as good as a proper Dark Souls experience.

Stylized art, pretty views

Rewarding exploration

Village-building is nice

Semi-helpful companions

Mostly fair challenge

Totally stable

Super-fast loading

Few glitches for me

Tries to be Dark Souls

Floaty movement/combat

No character builds

Limited crafting/upgrading

Companion AI issues

Lore is mumbo-jumbo

Finicky keyboard mappings

Low-budget graphics

No new game plus

Fails to be Dark Souls

Playtime: 18 hours total. Nick finished all quests and explored nearly everywhere in about 18 hours.

Computer Specs: Windows 10 64-bit computer using an Intel i7-3930k CPU, 32GB of memory, and a nVidia GTX 980 Ti graphics card.

Ashen Review: It’s Dark Souls but Much Worse published first on https://touchgen.tumblr.com/

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 26th May 2019 (Tyler the Creator, Halsey, DJ Khaled)

Top 10

“I Don’t Care” by Ed Sheeran featuring Justin Bieber sits at the top spot for a second week, and it seems pretty stable, even if the song itself is pretty lazy.

Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” featuring Billy Ray Cyrus is also steady at the runner-up spot.

At number-three, Lewis Capaldi trumps Stormzy up one space with “Someone You Loved” thanks to the release of Capaldi’s probably dreadful album.

This of course means “Vossi Bop” by Stormzy has flailed down one spot to number-four.

“Hold Me While You Wait” by Lewis Capaldi gets a short album release boost up three positions to number-five.

Billie Eilish’s “bad guy” is still at number-six since last week.

MEDUZA’s “Piece of Your Heart” with Goodboys suffers thanks to Capaldi, down two spaces to number-seven.

As does the late Avicii’s posthumous release “SOS” featuring Aloe Blacc, down a spot to number-eight.

Also thanks to Lewis Capaldi’s album release, we have number-nine, which is up 19 spaces from last week after squandering in the top 40 for a while. It’s “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi, peaking this week and becoming his third top 10 hit in the UK. Great. I’m not all that upset though because this means we won’t be seeing any new Capaldi this week, since all three singles were the most popular songs and UK chart rules prevent any other songs from appearing on the chart if they’re not the big three.

Also entering the top 10 for the first time is the mediocre house track “All Day and Night” by Jax Jones and Martin Solveig – presenting EUROPA – featuring Madison Beer, up oe space to #10, becoming both EUROPA as a group act and Beer’s first ever Top 10, as well as Jax Jones’ fifth and Solveig’s second, his first since 2015.

Climbers

There’s not much at all here to talk about, neither will there be many fallers, however there are a handful. First of all, we have an unexpected and unwelcome rebound for “Giant” by Calvin Harris and Rag ‘n’ Bone Man up five spaces to #24. Also, thanks to some more exposure that was inspired by a Hardy Caprio cosign on “Guten Tag” (that also just entered the Top 20 this week, which is pretty epic), Digga D’s “No Diet” is up eight spots to #25. “Late Night Feelings” by Mark Ronson featuring Lykke Li is also up six positions to #33 off of the debut.

Fallers

Going in reverse order, at #38, we have “Homicide” by Logic featuring Eminem absolutely collapsing down 12 spaces to #38. Oof. Speaking of collapses thanks to a lack of streaming after its first two weeks, “Greaze Mode” by Skepta featuring Nafe Smallz couldn’t even have that second week down 13 to #35, but it’ll rebound due to the album release in a few weeks’ time. “Just You and I” by Tom Walker might have had a streaming cut down 15 spaces to #29, but I think a lot of that is genuinely wavering popularity.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Out of the top 75 completely is “i’m so tired...” by LAUV and Troye Sivan from #37, mostly due to streaming cuts and dumb UK chart rules, which have also affected “Don’t Feel Like Crying” by Sigrid out from #30. Otherwise, “Falling like the Stars” by James Arthur thankfully falters after people realised the song is absolute trite without the video, and it’s out from #34 off of the debut. Sadly, “Boasty” by Wiley featuring Sean Paul, Stefflon Don and Idris Elba has also had streaming cuts and is out from #17, because it’s a hip-hop song, and they are effectively streaming-exclusive. Also out are two not premature losses, in fact, these are very expected, as they’ve been in the last half of the top 40 for a while, and today was a big week, so, I feel like we can safely say “Good riddance” to “Don’t Call Me Up” by Mabel out from #36, and “Swervin” by A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring 6ix9ine out from #40; Mabel might rebound though. There are no returning entries this week.

NEW ARRIVALS

#39 – “3 Nights” – Dominic Fike

Produced by Capi – Peaked at #3 in Australia

Now for the first time in a while, maybe since MEDUZA, I’m intrigued by this new artist’s debut on the charts, but I’ve seen his name buzzing up for a while... he only has six songs yet thanks to this massive worldwide smash, has 10 million monthly listeners, yet he’s completely passed me by. His Spotify bio is a yellow heart emoji, which is the worst heart emoji. I’m disgusted. Of course, I’m kidding, but I have heard him pop up on Kevin Abstract’s recent solo record ARIZONA BABY and he’s been an indie pop star for a while now, I imagine, I just haven’t cared enough to check his EP out, I suppose. Nevertheless, this is his first ever Top 40 hit in the UK, and I love it. It starts pretty abruptly with a bouncy clap beat and some stringy guitar that you can hear in a lot of vaguely indie pop nowadays, except unlike a LAUV, Dominic Fike has a soulful albeit somewhat reminiscent of pop-punk voice that backs up the acoustics (which may be a bit too much in the front of the mix than I’d like), as the bassline’s fun, energetic groove just kicks and kicks, Fike keeps going on with a fine-tuned, double-tracked vocal performance until he breaks down on the second verse, where he starts yell-rapping and I honestly start to think there was an uncredited Trippie Redd guest verse that made this blow up. Like I said, though, Fike is much more refined than a Trippie Redd, who just kind of belts relentlessly without any care for how it works musically. The falsetto backing vocals are cute, and the plucking guitar becomes a real driving force for the rhythm, especially when the first verse is mostly bare. Whilst most artists in this lane of indie-pop/singer-songwriter guy who’s actually pretty manufactured and generic would let the instrumental breathe in an airy, cloudy mess of synth, Fike is all over it, not letting the instrumental get a second of breathing room before he explodes on the track. The content matter is interesting, as well, as it paints imagery of street lights that have been such a familiar sight for Fike over the months of having a relationship, those three nights representing three stages, from not caring to being absolutely smitten in love, before they just drift apart and there’s nothing to do about it, and Fike is frustrated that he can’t repair this shattered relationship. Oh, yeah, and:

And she sent me naked pictures from her neck down to her waist

I feel this downplays the romance and emotion here a bit, though. I’ve personally always found it more compelling when it’s the man admitting he sent naked pictures, as that’s more rough and emotionally revealing than the inverse.

She found pictures in her e-mail / I sent this bitch a picture of my d*** - Kanye West, “Runaway”

I still absolutely love this song though. I’d say check it out, but everyone has. I’m late to the party.

#37 – “Jealous” – DJ Khaled featuring Chris Brown, Lil Wayne and Big Sean

Produced by Tay Keith and Nova Wav – Peaked at #57 in the US

I feel I’ve gotten the wrong end of the stick here with these album cuts. With Tyler, the Creator instead of the fun introduction “IGOR’S THEME”, which is at #41, I get the much worse “I THINK” at #30. With DJ Khaled, instead of the beautiful Nipsey Hussle tribute “Higher” with John Legend at #43, I get Chris Brown. Thanks, I hate it. I don’t have to do any research, you know who these guys are, and I’m sure you don’t care, I’ll get through this quickly after turning on Private Session because my last.fm having Chris Brown scrobbles is a nightmare. Might as well list the insane amount of Top 40 hits these dudes have, DJ Khaled surprisingly having the least with five, with who I expected to have the least, Big Sean, racking up... also five, mostly because those sell-out features really pay off, Lil Wayne on the other hand having twenty-freaking-four, and Chris Brown trumping them all with about 38. What a delightful thought that is. Uh, so what’s happening here? DJ Khaled is pointless once again, as I doubt he had any element of involvement in this Tay Keith beat, who doesn’t even get to have his full producer tag play in the intro, which is insanely cluttered. His dated synth patterns and tones are still there with the rattling hi-hats, though, and there’s way too many Chris Brown on this song, because he sounds muddy and awful, with Auto-Tune that’d make a metalhead want to shoot a frog’s brains out. I like Lil Wayne’s verse, mostly because he actually has some well-constructed bars, but he drowns out into the chaotic pre-chorus and DJ Khaled ad-libs... and his flow is lacklustre, cut short by Chris Brown. Big Sean is fun and discusses Jhené Aiko, whilst interpolating the “In My Feelings” flow of all flows, but he also is cut short by Chris Brown. Please listen to CHVRCHES and stop collaborating with this pathetic abusive excuse for a human being. Seriously, why so much of that Chris Brown hook? Honestly, Big Sean can barely get a “Straight up” ad-lib in there. I hate this, actually, that hook has a falsetto Lil Wayne harmonising for some reason, and the bridge is multi-tracked with awful, low-fidelity chipmunk vocals, and yeah, this is awful, why did I consider this passable? I never want to hear this again, the instrumental’s so cluttered and over-polished so you can barely hear the vocalists except Chris Brown who is all over the place. DJ Khaled sounds like Quavo sometimes here, what is happening? I’m confused, who has played themselves? Why is Khaled just shouting over the outro? He’s supposed to only do this on the video skits, what the—

#36 – “Summer Days” – Martin Garrix, Macklemore and Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy

Produced by Martin Garrix – Peaked at #4 in Belgium

And the Cactus Award for What the Ever-loving Frick Did I Just Read? goes to... Martin Garrix, Patrick Stump and Macklemore on the same song. This is the whitest thing I think has ever been produced and released, but besides that, we should be questioning why these guys thought it was okay to collaborate, and that this was going to go unnoticed. Should I care? Isn’t this just a pop singer-rapper collaboration and the connection to Fall Out Boy is what’s making me overreact? I mean, Fall Out Boy is a shill now too, especially with that disgusting Lil Peep collaboration. It’s weird to see Macklemore out of his natural habitat of being only barely existent but good to know he’s hopped out of his shell to collaborate with some EDM doofus and I’m sure who was his favourite emo singer as a teen. This is Garrix’s tenth UK Top 40 hit, Macklemore’s eighth and third without Ryan Lewis and Patrick Stump’s fourth as a solo act, his first since 2007. Is it good? Well, no. It isn’t, really. Patrick Stump essentially whispers through the first verse, but his oddly nasal tone at least in the first verse doesn’t fit EDM production, and he’s yet to realise this, as while he’s more soulful and bassy afterwards, he immediately goes to a falsetto... and it gets better. A lot better – in fact, the distant acoustic guitar strumming (that may be too front in the mix once again for my liking) and cute fake finger-snaps make a pretty good foundation for a beat that both Stump and Macklemore perform pretty well on, especially since that rough electric guitar comes in for Macklemore to spit about his fascination and close bond with this woman but who cares, that drop is epic. That drop is insanely good, and the electric guitar build-up within Macklemore’s verse is subtle but excellent. This is actually more of a rock song than EDM, when I think about it, and the drop perfectly crafts the acoustic guitar strumming and cloudy synths with the guitar line, chopping up Stump’s vocals and leaving him recognisable, whilst still sounding warm and summery, mostly because of how slick the guitar is and the finger-snaps do allow for some kind of bounce and groove. The touches of strings in the second build-up is a nice additional touch, and I love when Stump cracks out of his falsetto briefly to signify that the drop is coming, and it is crashing hard. A better music critic would call this a trainwreck, a disaster on all fronts, but I like it for what it is. God, I’m so dumb.

#30 – “I THINK” – Tyler, the Creator featuring uncredited vocals from Solange

Produced by Tyler, the Creator – Peaked at #51 in the US

I knew Tyler’s hype was growing immensely but I didn’t expect an album bomb from Tyler on the Hot 100, and this sudden boost of popularity seems to come out of nowhere, especially since the last time he was this big he was having threesomes with a triceratops and stabbing Bruno Mars in his goddamn oesophagus. Nevertheless, Tyler’s back in the UK as Theresa May leaves, as are his songs, as he has a second but we won’t be talking about it for reasons explained later. This is “I THINK” from his most recent effort IGOR and while I’ve been a pretty long-term and semi-diehard Tyler, the Creator fan for a while, I’d argue IGOR may be one of his worst efforts yet, not because it’s bad but I’m incredibly indifferent on a lot of the songs, mostly because of a lack of substance from both the lyrics and the aimless instrumentals. This in particular is one of my least favourite songs, next to “GONE, GONE / THANK YOU” and “RUNNING OUT OF TIME” as pretty boring, dull listens, however it does differentiate itself from songs like that by being largely a hip house track, which is a genre you don’t see on charts anymore. This is Tyler’s first ever Top 40 hit in the UK and Solange’s second as a solo act as well, her first since 2008, and I don’t feel it that much as other tracks from the album. The groove is there, and the tribal house beat is fun, but Tyler’s Kanye-like droning delivery, with a bassline ripped from “Stronger” and fancy synths that cover Tyler’s nonexistent upper register that pitch-shifting can’t really fix or mask. Solange sounds beautiful here as well, but she’s relatively underused I feel, only having a chorus and refrain, but she’s very oddly mixed, as she’s much louder than Tyler for the most part, despite being a guest on the album, as the others are mostly quieter than Tyler due to the personal aspects of the album and how it wants to focus on Tyler, meaning it’s kind of inconsistent. The wonky 80s synths in the back-end of the track are very typical of Tyler and do add to the track in making it pretty fun, but it does get a bit too messy and cluttered in the final chorus, which is insanely catchy, may I add, and I do love the piano that ends the track, but overall, this feels very half-hearted. The aimless nature of the song is intentional, I’m sure, as it’s all about feeling that first spark of love and having no idea what’s going to come of it, but the pacing is dodgy here as it comes right after deeply saddened break-up song “EARFQUAKE”. Maybe I’m missing the point, but I’m not a fan of this one. Sorry.

#26 – “Nightmare” – Halsey

Produced by benny blanco, Cashmere Cat and Happy Perez – Peaked at #15 in the US and... #7 in Slovakia. Huh.

And now to ruin any potential credit given to me as a music critic, reviewer and enthusiast, especially right after that Tyler, the Creator review. Now, there’s a lot to hate about Halsey’s seventh UK Top 40 hit, trust me, I know that. The pointless prayer at the beginning that doesn’t add anything to the song or its content and is completely irrelevant, the abrupt drop into the belting chorus, the Billie Eilish rip-off in the first verse with the minimal, multi-tracked sing-rapping over a trap beat that she can’t flow over at all, especially in the second verse where she is sloppy as hell, the janky pre-chorus and the chorus as a whole being kind of pathetic and really short, the line “I’m no sweet dream, but a hell of a night” not working within the context of the song. However, let me give you this as a rebuttal. Those floaty, gliding guitars in the intro are absolutely beautiful and the prayer, whilst probably making more sense when the album comes out, is about giving the Lord her soul, essentially having to give men their all and get nothing back, which is implied by how it drops immediately to the rock-infused chorus, which attempts at being empowering at least but it is catchy as hell, especially with Halsey’s memorably raspy delivery. The sing-rapping works on the first verse, and is mostly about self-harm, actually, which is influenced by how men have lied to her, but it goes on a bit of a tangent that isn’t relevant to how the song is about empowering women, and that women don’t have to always smile for the camera, as mentioned in the pre-chorus. The main lyric as mentioned before makes sense now because like in the second verse, the media and/or G-Eazy is being dominant over her and she won’t stand for it, she won’t be patronised and the last line in the second verse exemplifies that with a line I really like:

I’m tired and angry, but somebody should be

Somebody SHOULD always be speaking out about society’s BS, and—wait, how the hell does this makes sense if it’s also about G-Eazy and/or break-ups in general? With this and “Bad at Love”, I’m actually really confused about Halsey’s songwriting. That song also had an obnoxious hook, huh. Hell, “Without Me” had all these problems as well... as did “Closer”, actually, and that’s not even her song. I stick by this being pretty okay though, especially by Halsey standards, even if it feels very mish-mash, and the distorted electric guitar being back in the mix does dampen the effectiveness of the chorus, which is still anthemic – or at least tries to be. Oh, yeah, and Halsey’s really attra—

#17 – “EARFQUAKE” – Tyler, the Creator featuring uncredited vocals from Playboi Carti, Charlie Wilson and Jessy Wilson

Produced by Tyler, the Creator – Peaked at #13 in the US

I love this song to death, it’s by far my favourite off of IGOR. As you can see by its US peak, however, this will probably be eligible for my best list by the end of the year and I’m planning in advance, it’s probably going to be very high on that list. I know this means I only give Tyler a negative write-up this episode, which saddens me too, but don’t worry, I’ll make up for it when December/January rolls around and it’s time for list season. This is Tyler’s second UK Top 40 hit, Carti’s first ever charting song in the UK (It surprised me too), as well as Jessy Wilson’s, and Charlie Wilson has a few but his discography page is messy as hell so I won’t try and count them, they’re all uncredited as well so that makes it harder. Imagine having more than three UK Top 40 hits as a solo act and you don’t get credit for any of them. Anyway, even though I can’t cover it...

Conclusion

Tyler, the Creator gets Best of the Week for “EARFQUAKE”, no contest. In fact, I’m hesitant to give “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike the Honourable Mention, just because “EARFQUAKE” is THAT good. Dishonourable Mention goes to Tyler, the Creator as well (Unfortunately), for the pretty dull “I THINK”, whilst Worst of the Week goes to DJ Khaled, Lil Wayne, Big Sean and Bowser Jr. for “Jealous”, what a trainwreck. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and Jonas Brothers content because that’s the Tweet they decided to push, and I’ll see you next week!

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