#except name pun

[eyefocusing]

clark :)

[weirdghostcat]

Did I just name my sweet little Alphys... Alph? Yes- yes, I did.

But for that one single pun that I will make, it's worth it.

[i-dunno-mate]

this is what Wellie's named after btw

a wheel well

[starry-sophrosyne]

Mhm... Yeah I think I'm ready to order.

May I get a yellow and cyan, straberry ice cream drink? Oh, and make that as alcoholic as you can, I need it if I want to survive this week /silly

-CrashingStar69

Order for @crashingstar69! // Order here!:

(i felt bad bc i didn't really love the way the drinks turned out, between the the colors for the second one and the background, so here's a cherry cherie on top, if you will, as my sincere apology ( ´﹀` ) /ref /hj /gen)

[nevermatchandscpsradadventures]

Earlier today, my brain started thinking Way More about Fellow SagesTM for Spring, so here's what I've got so far. I might draw them one of these days, but for now they’re just bios Ornith, Rito Sage of Wind Ornith is a kind and thoughtful young lady with a fondness for shiny objects and other such things. She comes off as quiet, but she has a tendency to get incredibly loud, believe it or not. Sidian, Goron Sage of Fire Just like a Goron, Sidian is loud and boisterous, although he's far from unkind. His "inside voice" leaves much to be desired, but his great loyalty makes up for it. Assandara, Gerudo Sage of Earth Assandara is cheerful and bubbly, almost constantly jumping around and shouting (or singing) words of encouragement. Some wonder if she ever sleeps or even just stops to rest, and although no one's witnessed it, she claims that she does have a shut-down period, thank you very much. Tubo, Korok Sage of Forest Tubo is a shy yet playful Korok with a knack for finding well-hidden objects. He used to be a bit sheltered, preferring to stick close to the Great Deku Tree, but nowadays he's gained some confidence in moving about on his own. Sheemi, Zora Sage of Water Being half-River Zora and half-Sea Zora, Sheemi is a bit of an outcast among both of his people. Despite this, he's friendly and caring, albeit with a rebellious streak. Pixi, Fairy Sage of Light Pixi has a strong temper and an even stronger pinch, but that doesn't mean she's cruel. She flitters around, healing those who are hurt and even using her magic for other uses for those she cares about. Venin, Twili Sage of Shadow Although she has a tendency to remain completely silent until she has something of great importance to say, which tends to startle everyone because of how quiet she was being, Venin is good-humored and scholarly. Despite this, it doesn't mean she's always happy-go-lucky, for she can get pretty scary when she's mad. Shiron, Sheikah Sage of Lightning Truly, no one expected a Sheikah to be the Sage of Lightning, but Shiron is, and he's not a typical Sheikah. He's very talkative, especially when others are actively listening, and his nigh-on supernaturally quick reflexes have a tendency to make people envious, for even those with their own quick reflexes seem to be slow in comparison to him. Ticki, Cobble Sage of Time Being of a premonitional people, it's no wonder Ticki became the Sage of Time. She tends to be very blunt in her premonitions, rather than using flowery language, but fortunately her fellow sages don't mind in the slightest. And of course, Link, Sage of Spirit Truth be told, no one's quite sure what Link is; they're pretty sure he's a Hylian, but his long, stark white hair, his bright yellow-orange eyes that glow in the dark, and the antlers on his head that are only probably part of a headdress make it hard to tell. He's very kind with animals, as well as those he trusts, right til the very end.

Lemme know what you think! ☺️

[ozymoron]

i dont think i actually like shipping for like normal shipping reasons im pretty sure i only like ships cause i like seeing boys kiss and girls kiss especially if what they have going on is fucked up and weird

[sporco-filth]

Episode 1 - The Finale

This is the 'pilot' of that sitcom about slobs I described before.

Synopsis:

The finale of Tom’s favourite anime is airing, but a black out in the apartment complex risks ruining his plans. Kyle and Felix go to fix the problem but get locked in the basement. In order to watch his show (and save his friends) Tom must face his greatest nightmare: doing something.

[Kyle opens his door and sees Felix walking up the stairs, carrying a toolbox]

Kyle: Hey, Felix! Just the guy I wanted to see.

Felix: Yeah?

Kyle: You hungry? Fed and I are going out to grab a bite.

Felix: Sorry, Jess called. She has a leaky pipe that needs fixing.

Kyle: Boo. You’re no fun.

[He’s about to leave when an idea comes to mind]

Kyle: Actually… I have a bit of a plumbing job you could help with.

Felix: Really?

Kyle: Yeah. I need my pipes cleared. You think you can come round later tonight?

[Kyle gives a suggestive look. Felix scratches his chin]

Felix: I guess I could. What exactly is stuck in it?

Kyle: Cream.

Felix: OK? You can���t just flush it out yourself?

Kyle: I guess I could, but it’s really, really hard. And I don’t want to do it alone.

Felix: Can’t Fed help?

Kyle: I was thinking we could do it together.

Felix: Really? I’m sure it’d be an easy one man job.

[Kyle sighs]

Kyle: Boo. You’re no fun.

[He walks back inside and closes the door]

Felix: Huh? What do you mean?

[No response. Felix goes back to climbing the stairs.]

Felix (to himself): Clearing his pipes…? Oh…

[Realisation hits]

Felix: Heh that is kinda funny.

~Opening Credits~

[Kyle’s outside Tom’s door and knocks]

Kyle: Hey, Tommy! Open up!

Tom: It’s open.

[Kyle enters. We see Tom’s apartment. It’s dark, lit up only by the massive TV screen. Tom’s lying on the couch snacking on a bag of chips.]

Tom: [without looking up] What?

Kyle: Fed and I are going out for dinner. You wanna come?

Tom: Can’t. Got plans.

[He eats a chip and stares blankly at the TV.]

Kyle: What plans?

Tom: I’m watching Magical Siren Boy Tsugiharu.

Kyle: Isn’t that that dumb anime about the mermaid guy who has like weird singing powers?

Tom: It’s not dumb! It’s a masterfully crafted show that explores themes of love and purpose while skillfully blending epic battle sequences with stunning musical numbers. The show’s been going on for 13 years, with 338 episodes, five feature-length films and a spin-off series. The final episode airs tonight at ten thirty and I refuse to miss a second.

Kyle: But it’s only seven. You can come to dinner and get back before it starts.

Tom: Yeah, but they’re also showing a marathon of all the fan-favourite episodes before it and I want to watch that too.

Kyle: Suit yourself.

[Kyle leaves and heads across the hall to his place. Fed’s in the kitchen snacking.]

Kyle: Tom’s not coming.

Fed: Why not?

Kyle: Some stupid anime thing.

Fed: Oh! I completely forgot! Magical Siren Boy Tsugiharu has its finale tonight. It’s the end of an era…

[Kyle rolls his eyes, then notices Fed eating.]

Kyle: Aren’t you going to ruin your appetite?

[Kyle scratches his bum.]

Fed: No, I’m warming up. I need to get my stomach ready to eat by starting with something light before it can digest a full meal. [He eats another handful and talks with his mouth full.] Did you ask Felix?

Fed: Yeah, but he said he’s got some dumb plumbing thing to do. I guess it’s just us.

[We cut to Felix who does something, the building completely blacks out.]

Kyle: What was that?

Fed: It’s a blackout!

Tom: [from offstage] THE ELECTRICITY! WHO TURNED OFF THE POWER!? WHAT HAPPENED!?

[A loud fumbling is heard and a crash.]

Tom: Oww…

[Kyle and Fed open the door. They shine a torch from their phone and find Tom lying on the floor.]

Fed: You OK?

Tom: I’m fine. I tripped running out the door.

Kyle: You? Running? This is serious.

Tom: Of course it is! Life without electricity isn’t worth living! Everything I love needs electricity: internet, video games, microwaved food, TV. And I’ll miss Magical Siren Boy Tsugiharu! Wait, maybe I can livestream it from my phone…

[He opens his phone.]

Tom: OK, the wifi’s out, but I’ve got data still…

[The light from his phone goes black.]

Kyle: What happened?

Tom: It ran out of power.

Fed: That quickly?

Tom: Well, I meant to charge it this morning… but I couldn’t be arsed...

Kyle: That sounds more like our Tommy.

[Felix comes down the stairs using his phone as a torch.]

Felix: Hey, sorry about that guys…

Kyle: What do you mean?

Felix: I think it might’ve been my fault: Jess asked me to fix a leaky pipe and uh… well some water got on her hairdryer and there was a lot of scary sparks and stuff then it all went black.

Tom: What?! So it’s your fault I’ll miss the last ep of MSBT?

Felix: MS-what?

Fed: Magical Siren Boy Tsugiharu.

Felix: That’s tonight? Wow, I thought that show would never end.

Kyle: Am I the only one who doesn’t watch anime here?

Tom: Yes. [He turns to Felix] You have to fix this now! I can’t miss the finale.

Felix: All right, all right. I said I was sorry and I’ll make it up to you, don’t worry. The lights’ll be back on in no time.

Kyle: We better go talk to Bob. He should know what to do. Hopefully we can get it done quickly; I’d hate to see what Fed’ll do if the food in the fridge goes off.

Fed: Wait… the fridge!

[Fed runs back inside.]

Kyle: Me and my big mouth… [He turns to Felix and Tom] Well, you guys coming?

Felix: It was my fault after all; the least I can do is help fix things.

Tom: I’m too tired from trying to run before, you two go on without me.

[Tom slumps onto the ground.]

Kyle: I guess it’s just us two then. Let’s go.

[The scene changes to outside Bob’s room. Kyle knocks on the door.]

Kyle: Hey! Bob! Open up!

[A lot of rumbling is heard. The door eventually opens to show Bob, looking grumpy.]

Bob: Don’t tell me: you two are responsible for the blackout.

Kyle: No… just Felix.

Bob: I’ve had it up to here with you guys running to me whenever something goes bust here. It’s your mess, you clean it up this time.

Kyle: Bob, you know as well as I do that Felix doesn’t clean up anything, let alone his own messes.

Felix: Hey! I… yeah, that’s actually not wrong…

Bob: Here [he pulls out a ring of keys]: go down to the basement and you can find the circuit breaker. It’s probably just a matter of flicking a switch or something.

Felix: Which switch?

[Bob slams the door.]

Kyle: (Sigh). Let’s get this over with. Tom’s probably having a fit by now.

[Scene shifts back to the hallway. Tom’s fallen asleep on the ground.]

[Back in Fed’s kitchen, Fed opens the fridge.]

Fed: All right. Operation Save Food From Spoiling is go. I guess we’ll start with the cold meats…

[He grabs a pack of prosciutto and dangles a slice down into his gullet.]

[Outside the basement door, Felix is trying out the keys. Finally he gets the one that works.]

Felix: Got it!

[He opens the door to reveal the basement, which is filled with broken appliances and old boxes.]

Felix: Now, where’s this circuit breaker…

[They shine their torches around… maybe some funny quips happen.]

Kyle: Found it!

[The guys go over to it.]

Felix: It’s locked. I bet the key’s with the others.

[The door slams shut.]

Felix: Ah, Kyle.

Kyle: Yeah?

Felix: Have you got the keyring?

Kyle: No, I thought you had it.

Felix: Well I don’t.

[Felix goes to open the door but it’s locked.]

Kyle: Ok… This isn’t good.

Felix: Don’t worry, we can call Fed.

[He pulls out his phone.]

Kyle: It’s not just the door. It’s not good because I can feel a fart coming.

[Felix’s face falls.]

Felix: Oh no… please Kyle I beg you, hold on!

Kyle: You’ve got like a minute.

[He rings Fed.]

[The scene returns to the kitchen, Fed is now eating the last slice of a cheesecake. His phone rings and he picks it up.]

Fed: Yeah?

Felix (through the phone): Fed! You’ve got to come downstairs to the basement. We got ourselves locked in.

Kyle (through the phone, yelling): YOU got us locked in!

Felix: Yeah, anyway. We need you to open the door; the keys are in the lock. Please hurry! Kyle’s holding back a lot of gas.

Fed: I’ll be right there!

[He hangs up and tries to stand, but clutches his belly, flopping back down.]

Fed: Ooh… I’m not feeling too good…

[His stomach gurgles loudly.]

Maybe I can get Tom to go…

[He drags himself to the door, which is still open, and yells out.]

Fed: Tom! Tom!

[Tom snores. Fed throws the slice of cheesecake at him that he was still holding. Tom wakes up with a start.]

Tom: Huh? What was that for?

Fed: Felix and Kyle got locked in the basement and I’m not in any state to be climbing stairs. I need you to go down and open the door for them.

Tom: I ain’t going down there. Not without the elevator. Do you know how many steps that is?

Fed: You have to! Kyle’s got a massive fart brewing. Felix hasn’t built up a tolerance to Kyle’s gas like I have; he’ll suffocate!

Tom: I don’t care. Let him suffocate. I’m not walking down those stairs. I already ran today.

Fed: You ran like ten steps.

Tom: That’s ten more than I’ve run in the past five years.

[Fed tries to move closer, but his stomach gurgles and he stops, clutching it in pain.]

Fed: Please… if you don’t go… then you won’t be able to watch MSBT.

[Tom sits up straight.]

Tom: Argh, you’re right… For Tsugihara, I shall do it.

[Felix hands him his phone.]

Fed: It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this.

[Tom stands up and wields the phone above his head, the torch light on.]

Tom: With the power of the Seven Seas flowing through me, I shall banish the darkness!

[Tom slowly walks down the stairs.]

Fed: You could go a little faster…

[Back in the basement. Kyle is straining.]

Felix: Please, hold it in!

Kyle: I don’t know if I can do it (grunt). This one feels pretty strong.

Felix: You must!

[Tom on the stairs, slowly going down. He pauses to catch his breath.]

Tom: Whew… I don’t know if I can do it… it’s so many steps.

Fed (from upstairs): You’ve only gone down half a floor.

Tom: I could do without the running commentary, thank you!

[In the basement. Kyle is sweating.]

Kyle: I’m sorry Felix… Ahhhhh…

[He relaxes and farts. It’s long and loud. Felix covers his mouth with his top.]

Felix: GAH! HELP! HELP!

[The door opens and Tom appears. He immediately covers his mouth.]

Tom: Ugh! I come all this way to save you and this is how you repay me?

Felix: Tom! My saviour!

[He grabs Tom into a hug. Tom pushes him off.]

Tom: OK, OK. That’s enough. I did this for Tsugihara, not you. Here: I believe you lost these?

[He hands out the keys. Kyle takes them.]

Kyle: I’ll take it from here. You guys should head up to get some fresh air.

Felix: I’m not sure my nose will recover from this…

[Tom and Felix leave the room. Kyle goes to the circuit breaker and opens it.]

Kyle: Let’s see…

[He flicks a switch and, after a bit of a sluggish start, the lights flicker back on.]

[Back upstairs, Fed, still eating, sees the lights turn on.]

Fed: They did it! Yes!

[He jumps up but immediately regrets it and clutches his stomach.]

Fed: Oooh…

[Soon after, the guys enter the room.]

Felix: I’m sorry again for all the trouble I caused, but I guess it’s all fixed now.

Tom: And not a moment too soon. I’ve got a finale to watch, see ya.

[Tom leaves. Kyle notices Fed’s discomfort.]

Kyle: You alright there?

Fed (not alright): Yep. Just a bit of a stomach ache… I ate too much too fast… And it’s like the UN down there: I don’t think that leftover Chinese is getting along with the Indian curry.

[His stomach gurgles ominously.]

Fed: Uh oh…

[All of a sudden, Fed releases a loud fart.]

Felix: No! Not again! Ack-urgh!

[He runs out of the room.]

Fed: Sorry Kyle…

Kyle: Heh, no stress. I’ll love you no matter how bad you stink. After all, you have to put up with my stenches, now it’s my turn to deal with the smell.

Fed: Aww, you’re so sweet.

Kyle: And anyway, [he gently rubs Fed’s gut while savouring the smell]  you know that it kinda turns me on. How about we cancel dinner and have some fun at home?

Fed: I think that sounds wonderful. Also, I may have just eaten everything in the fridge…

[In Tom’s room, he’s now settled back on the couch and ready to watch TV.]

Tom: Ah, at long last…

[The MSBT theme music plays. Suddenly it stops.]

News host: We interrupt this broadcast for a breaking news bulletin.

Tom: No! Don’t interrupt!

News host: His Excellency the Honourable Sir Arthur Vandeleigh, former Governor-General of Australia, has died peacefully in his sleep.

Tom: Come on, come on…

TV host: We have a three-hour obituary scheduled in honour of this great man who valiantly served his country.

Narrator: Though he may have inhabited the role for only three months, Arthur Vandeleigh’s tenure as Governor-General was…

Tom: NOOOOOO!

~End Credits~

[lulu2992]

But... What am I supposed to do with my life now?

[21st-century-minutiae]

"Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" is a famous 20th century quote by Ronald Reagan regarding the Berlin Wall, which was a physical barrier that separated the east and west of Berlin which were under the hegemony of the Soviets and the US/Western Europe respectively. As Berlin was entirely within the eastern half of Germany, West Berlin was an exclave of West Germany that was physically isolated to the detriment of its population. In the early twenty-first century, there is debate as to whether the speech this quote was from led to the take down of the wall two years later, and if so, how great of an impact it was.

The above takes the quote and makes three 'spherical' puns. "Orbachev" for "Gorbachev", "Ball" for "Wall," and "Roundald" for "Ronald." This is nonsensical, even with the "explanation" that it takes place in a world of spheres. As added context for the joke, it is presented as an image of text inside a "draft" section. The implication is that the poster is projecting that they are not confident in the joke enough to post it directly . It is a commentary on writing silly puns as much as it is a silly pun itself.

[water-lemon-alex]

officer i swear they were just talking to me earlier

[bandsanitizer]

neobong 🤝 rm

[sunflowertrick]

//will be going through to properly tag everything but here's a collection of character mention tags for this blog bc if I don't organize everything I'll die<3

[bpsimple]

bwaaauggg i never post on here but hi this was from lny

[spring-rol1]

back at it again with bear!price x fem!reader

John's dick is hung, like big big and h u n g.

First time taking him, had to be a proper setting where pillow under you for support and John even got extra bottle of lube just to be safe. Dont wanna risk hurting the missus.

"S'big...John.."

"I know lovie... Takin me well."

As you slightly writhe from the feeling of the stretch, you look up to him and asked "Is it almost all in?"

And John has to pause a bit before answering "Yep. Almost there luv..." He said as he looks down where the two of you are connected and his dick is still HALFWAY in you.

After a while tho, the blood, sweat and tears slick, were all worth it since your brain is now all mushy and your thoughts evaporated from the power of his thrusts and sounds of wet skin slapping continously.

"J-John! Fffuck!- John- Suu... much!-"

"Stay with me n-now luvie-"

John's hips sputters and increases in speed as his desperstion to cum comes to action (pun intended?)

No other words come out of your mouth except the name of your beloved again and again and again again. What was even your own name?

Your brain goes back and forth from reality and the only thing you could hear and feel was john's entire being, his heavy breathing, his skin slapping into yours, his calloused hands, his deep grunts, his hairy chest pressing onto you, his arms hairier than usual, his teeth sharper.

The only you could feel was john, john here, john there, john john john

"John! Jo-John! Im cumming!-" your high pitched moans werent ignored as John's hand comes down between you and him to rub circles around your clit, successfully tightening your body and your stomach tensing just the right amount to-

"John!" your arms desperetly grab onto his back and leaving red welts on its wake.

John deeply groans as he feels your cunt tightening and milking him dry as he spurts his cream in you. As the both of you catch your breath.

He didnt even realize, his body almost got turned into his bear form

[crebbyhermit]

jan 2024/oct 2021

kurt redraw

[demon-at-peace]

DC + DP

Danny Fenton died at fourteen. He came back. He didn’t die right. He became a hero. He became a hero because he loved amity park. Not the people. But Amity was his home.

Till it wasn’t. He was a monster to the people. Evil, ghost scum, disgusting. He hated it. Amity wasn’t safe for him. It wasn’t a home. Amity park was a graveyard. A place of everything he’d lost, perhaps it was time to move on.

So with tear stained cheeks he left. He left his humanity behind. He lived in the realms. He thrived. He learned. But he still haunted the place that could have been his home.

Danny Phantom was still hated, his name still spat on. But so was Danny Fenton. That hurt. It hurt to have his parents talk about him like a stranger. Like he was some cautionary tale.

They said the ghosts had gotten him. Had dragged him of, had killed him. They said it was his fault for not being careful. Yes he always believed the ghosts weren’t evil. Look what became of him.

Danny had loved them for years. Loved them when they shot at him. Loved them when they talked of ripping him appart. He was a ghost. They hated ghosts! Besides they didn’t know he was Phantom.

but now? Now He hated them. He’d bee. Their son. He’d been their child. “Danny Fenton, his curiosity his undoing.” That’s what they put in his gravestone.

not beloved son. Not kind friend. No, they put “his curiosity his undoing.” That hurt. But the words didn’t matter.

No it was the fact that when he’d first gotten a gravestone, come to watch the fake corpse be lowered into earth he’d expected them to be there. They weren’t. They were back in their lab. Like always.

Except it wasn’t a track meet. It wasn’t a soccer game. Or a parent teacher meeting. It was his burial. And they’d missed it, to chase ghosts.

He ignored that. Perhaps they’d forgetting. They forgot a lot of things. They remember eventually. They’d come by. Right? Surely they’d come by, if just to leave a flower. Just one? Surely.

So he waited.

And waited.

And they didn’t come.

So he moved on. He built a life outside of them. A life with him and Dani and Jazz. He ruled the realms, learnt from clockwork. He grew up.

Years passed, he learned how the realms worked. How the people were, he learned. The full extent of his powers. Back in Amity Park Daniel Fenton became a memory. Back in Amity Park Phantom’s name was still cursed.

until someone remembered him. Clark Kent had made a roadtrip of visiting his parents. They ended up stopping in Amity.

He heard about Phantom. Heard how they cursed him. He asked about it. They told him about a monster. An evil no good beast.

He didn’t believe them. Phantom sounded like a hero. A hero still learning. He also sounded like a child. So he asked around some more. He met Tucker Foley, visiting his parents for thanksgiving.

He told a diffrent story. He told about a hero. A young hero. He told him how he’d save people, how he’d get hurt. He talked about him with a reverence.

Clark asked what happened. Because heroes don’t just disappear. They don’t just abandon places. Especially not after fighting so hard. Tucker didn’t know what to say. So he lied.

He told him that everyone thinks he left for no reason. But my guess is he left because of Danny’s death. He talked about how Danny didn’t think they were evil. He talked about how the two made the same puns. How they looked the same.

He told him his guess was they knew each other In life. That they were related. He told him Phantom was always the same age. They could have been twins, he said with a laugh.

Clark leaves, he has thanks giving at his parents. And he studies. He learns. He sees the CPS reports. He reached out to Jazz, she tells them her parents were unstable, tell him their parents were unstable. She cuts of the call after saying “they got him killed at 14.”

Clark notices. Fourteen wasn’t when Danny died. He died at sixteen. Phantom is their sibiling. The eldest child, the one who died however many years ago. But Jazz remembered him.

They had moved to Amity Park when Jazz was seven. Phantom must have died. That’s why they moved. It had to have been. And phantom watched them, staying behind to protect his siblings. Protect them from his parents. Then things had gone wrong. He’d become a hero, and they called him a villain. When Jazz moved out he showed up less. When Danny died he vanished.

Clark feels lost. He wished it hadn’t ended that way for Phantom.

So he writes. He writes about a hero. He writes about Danny too. He writes. And Danny watches. Danny finds the newspaper on his grave. Left by Sam and Tucker. He smiles.

The flowers pile up on his grave.

One

Two

Three

Danny cries. He moved on long ago. But it’s nice to be mourned. Even if it’s by people who never knew him.

-

Bye :)