#except it's unfinished bc i suck

[ssaanaaloves]

Fireplace Snuggles

[hipsofsteel]

Every now and then my mom decides to be helpful with my laundry despite the fact that I’ve been responsible for my own laundry for half my life or more now. This has resulted in undesirable outcomes in the past.

So when she was pulling things out of my suitcase after we came home from a National Convention, I asked her to stop. She pointed out she needed to bulk up her own loads of laundry, so I gave up the fight and let her do it.

...

Anyhow, I’m ordering new wool socks today to replace the ones I’ve had for two months for some odd and unknown reason.

[littlest-bugz]

current hyperfixation? (feel free to infodump!!)

YIPPEEE!!! This made my day FR!! Thank you, mutual <3

ANYWAYS

This is kind of embarrassing, but I’ve been deeply invested by my own OCverse for going on 8 years now. Its my Special Interest, which sucks because,,, im the only one who can make content of these stinkies,,,,,

I really find it hard to hyperfixate on anything else because of the fact Ive been invested for so long (except for Web Design and coding, which I wont infodump about, since its literally all for these stories, deadass).

It is not fun at times because 1) all the characters live rent free in my head and criticize how I write them in my novels [that DID life] and 2) its SO hard to make new projects and get attached to them. Ive been trying for 2 years to make a horror project out of one concept but I seriously cant get fully invested and it SUCKS. Let me make my silly little horror web series damnit!!!!! (@ my brain)

I have 3 novels and one fantasy series im working on so,,,, Infodump time >:3c

TWs: Terminal Illness + brief mentions of (mental institute) hospitalization, murder, war, and some others that I’m not 110% sure the exact tags for them (basically kind of cannibalism, but between nonhuman species). Other than terminal illness, they’re super brief mentions, but still proceed with caution.

Right now, I’m working on one of the books I’ve been writing for nearly my whole time writing. Ive been only working on it since feb 1st (it’s, like, the THIRD draft tho).

Blurb about book

Melissa is a bassist in a rock band she formed with her high school friends. Just as her, and her friends’, career begins takes off, she gets diagnosed with a terminal illness. With a month left to live, and a shit ton of unfinished business, she invokes her best friend’s patron deity who is capable of miracles, Flip. Melissa and Flip make a pact to keep her alive until her business is over, but oh no! Melissa has caught the eyes of another god, and a pretty shitty one at that. How is she going to make her last months peaceful if she’s being hunted down by a god?

The working title is called “Ensuring Your Spot In Hell” because Flip is, essentially, a demon in the universe (rules an infernal ring of hell- it means I would have to explain the worldbuilding around hell and its A LOT), but titles are!!! So hard for me!!!

A list of random facts about the book™️ because I don’t want to write full paragraphs bc I can go on forever if u ask me to:

Flip’s name is a shortened version of his actual name, Fli’pyek. Furthermore, the domain Flip rules over is that of Wrath and Violence

Trinity (Melissa’s childhood bestie, and the friend that worship’s Flip) is a hereditary witch and pagan. Her family has been worshipping Flip and practicing witchcraft for several generations! They literally have their own holy book (generational BoS/Grimoire/whatever u want to call it).

Melissa had been sick with the disease™️ since she was 16. She just neglected the shit out of her own health (me too bestie, me too). It easily could have been prevented if she went to the doctor back when she was, at least, 18 years old, max 24.

At the time Melissa is diagnosed with her terminal illness, she’s 26. By the time she was supposed to die, she would’ve been freshly 27. Has anyone heard of the 27 club theory before? Or is it just an obscure reference I made LMAO

Melissa has extended biological family that worships Flip! It gets super awkward when Melissa visits them with Flip lol

The other primordial god that Melissa finds herself in a predicament with is named Ama, the god of Cruelty and Torture. Not a swell guy to get mixed up with, that’s for sure!

Melissa has an orange and white cat named Cheddar!

Flip always smells like whiskey and freshly cut tobacco. At all times. It’s bc his blood smells like it (and tastes like it too, but why are you tasting it? /j)

Any other facts might be getting into spoiler territory, BUT!! Thats the one Im working on rn, in February. In January I worked on another book, but that one honest to gods might be too triggering for this acc for an indepth thingy like the book I just did. It’s being rewritten to not be so triggering, but bc it’s a throw up of some of our trauma, it’s not an easy task to censor it.

REGARDLESS, Here’s a rundown of ALL of my main novels (minus the one I already talked about)

The Case of Twin Woods [mystery, drama, crime] (the one i worked on January)

Chastity hates her life. She hates her shitty job, she hates her shitty friends, and she hates her shitty family. After opening up too much to an online friend about her chronic suicidality, Chastity gets taken to Twin Woods Mental Institute, the state’s mental institution. There she befriends an eccentric group of patients, then finding out something terrible might be going on with the head warden, Leon Bellamy. She takes it upon herself to find out and solve the mystery, but she may have bitten off more than she can chew.

Untitled One (but leaning towards the name of ‘Jealousy’ or somethin idk) [drama, romance, crime]

Mia has a quiet life. She works at a library, she fosters cats, and by all means, has what could be considered a ‘boring life’. One day, she gets laid off from her job under the excuse of “cutting costs”, leaving her without a job and severance. While scrambling for a job, she finds one at a local cafe, the most frequented one in the city. There she befriends one of the regulars, a cold, quiet man named Zander, and after she unknowingly helps Zander’s brother, she becomes significantly closer to him. However, her boss, a bitter ex of Zander’s, hears about their ensuing closeness and decides she doesn’t like what’s going on. One failed dinner party and murder attempt later, Mia is left scrambling to hide that she killed Angelina in self defense. Will she be successful in hiding the murder? Or will the justice system make quick work of her?

Untitled Fantasy Series (has about 2 actual novels and 3 novellas… a possible third novel too) [drama, romance]

book one

Since his birth, King Sunshine has known his fate. He is to be sacrificed for the greater good of the realm he resides, killing his oppressive father, but losing his life in the process. It’s a prophecy that has been laid out since the beginning of Racktokian history, one King Sunshine was never able to escape due to his father’s unspoken rage at his own murder. After meeting a Vurtock for the first time, a species his father only used as cattle, Sunshine finds himself quickly entangled in a plot to overthrow his own father to liberate the Vurtockian race. He knows what he has to do, but it isn’t easy.

book two

The great war tore apart the country King Sunshine called home. His father left no stone unturned from his rage, and public opinions split the people. In the rubble of his home, he builds a new country founded on the importance of the civilians, only to be elected as a King in place of his father. Living in the palace he always called home, but had tried to escape, he finds that his father keeps sending assassins to make attempts on his life. One assassin, a vurtock with nothing to lose, hits a soft spot in Sunshines heart. After deescalating the attempt on his life, he offers the vurtock to stay in his castle until they’re able to find the proper resources to help him build a life in the new country. Far away from the oppressive dictatorship of his father. Yet, as his guest begins to stay for longer than intended, he sees that yet another step in the prophecy will begin.

Despite how the second book blurb is written, it’s more from the vurtock’s point of view than Sunshine’s. I just had a total brain fart.

The novellas for the fantasy book follow the POV of other important characters, such as the ruler of the Vurtockian rebellion, the POV of other rulers. For a while I wanted to write one from Raphaël’s POV, but I decided it wouldn’t be worth writing a whole book about a piece of shit finding joy in the pain he causes. Like, no thanks, ill pass.

Theres a possible 3rd book that would essentially be an extended epilogue, since the prophecy doesn’t stop at Sunshine’s death. I just haven’t thought as far as the 2 books and 3 novellas, in terms of outlining the books and stuff.

I honestly could give TONS more info on the fantasy books because that part of my universe has been around nearly the whole time Ive been writing. I have maps of the world, maps of countries, maps of even just cities, house and castle layouts, moodboards, art. Visual references galore. Not to mention the playlists for each character + each book. I also made a document called “The Remian Bible” because it has everything about the world in it, including the alphabets of the languages, grammar structures for said languages and literally 5 holy books for the religions even tho they wont evEN BE TALKED ABOUT IN ENOUGH DEPTH (why did i do that to myself /lh j/. It doesn’t help that I still want the write the holy books in their native languages… oo,,, and imagine writing the actual novels in the native languages,,,,). It’s honestly kind of,,, surreal how much time Ive put into this world 🧍 Like??? Damn,,,,

BUT YEAH!!! Those are all the books that take place in my ocverse + some other info!!! The things that are my hyperfixation,,,, My own books and world LMAO— The books don’t include half of the ocs in my ocverse tho, so thats where the website im coding comes in. It’ll have short stories based on the backstories of various characters on it, and Yes, even the background characters will be on it bc Im fucking bonkers and fleshed them out, even though some of them are in one scene for 2 minutes.

That being said, if anyone, or u mutual (if u read this wall of text), found any of this interesting, or wants to read even just the prologue of any of these, DM me!! I’m always looking for beta readers!! Or people to talk to about it too, that’d be fantastic. I really need beta readers, so seriously. DM me if u want to read my cringey stories!! I can give better in depth tws too!!!

EDIT: I need to mention that I go through spurts of hyperfixating on only one book or series. Thats why its both my hyper fixation AND my Special Interest

[nicegaai]

thinking about the fucking fanfic i need to finish again EVEN THOUGH i swore off working on it during xmas season >:(

i got caught up in real life stuff + stuck on the writing process bc of some stuff i wasnt happy with (and somehow , if its unfinished, it feels ok if i dont like the quality bc its not a Whole Finished Product. does that make sense? once its finished its more critique-able and i dont like that.) so i back burner'd it for a while but im sick again and i wanna be WRITINGGGGGGGG

scenes i havent written yet are haunting me heehee haha i need my otp to KISS i wanna make them KISSSSSSSSSSSSS i wanna skip the bits that make me think and just do some fucking and sucking or whatever. ok actually that would drive me insane. im mildly irritated that i made the thing too much of a stretch like its dead unbelievable. its breaking the immersion levels of not great writing. i dont know what to do about that except maybe just write it anyway and end it and try not to think about it too hard. ughhhhh. makes me not wanna write it somewhat. BUT. im itching to get back to it also. just for the story. i just wanna be in the story again. ive been drawing art for it a little bit. im thinkin about them...

can i just write the rest of the scenes as the bare minimum information needed to communicate my vision and call it good -_- can i just be like "OK SO get this . and then in the next thing the one guy is like , whoa, and the other guy is like , ^-^ !!!" <- i could do this and write the equivalent of 20k words and we will all have fun

[harapeveco]

Idk if anyone is up to date with what’s going on with ao3 and in light of these recent events I understand people wanting to leave the site or not wanting to be associated with it anymore. I’ve been looking for alternatives where I can post my fics that aren’t Wattpad and FF.net bc they truly suck and I was made aware of this page called Squidgeworld that also works as an archive and uses the same code as ao3 however they have no association with them so I’ll be posting my fics there too! So far I only have tree up bc I don’t want the site thinking I’m spamming so yeh I’ll be posting what I have so far when I have the time. I’m trying to do it as similar as my ao3 page as possible and not making that many changes (except for some tags) so it can be enjoyed the same way. There will some differences tho such as my Spanish compilation not being posted as well as the unfinished fics I have, when I get them done (if ever) then I will upload them there

Now this doesn’t mean I’m leaving ao3 for people who don’t want or are unsure about the change. We have to remember that posting or not posting doesn’t really do a difference when it comes to ao3 since they don’t benefit from ad revenue or clicks but from donations. If I delete my whole account and all my fics in there it wouldn’t make a difference so I just wanted to give an alternative option for those who don’t want to be on the site anymore but still wanna read my fics. I will be posting on both sites simultaneously and I’ll try to share both links at the same time when the fics get posted. You can find my squidgeworld account here

Anyway remember that with ao3 the action has to be direct! Email them with your complaints and don’t donate until they get their shit together and do something about it

(For those who may not know what’s going on basically some people on the OTW (the organization that runs ao3) has been kicking out of the organization pro Palestinian volunteers and are pretty much saying there’s no genocide going on)

[pikbro]

tell me about ur fnac oc I already love them

WAHOO YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM JUMPING FOR JOY

putting it under a read more bc i dont wanna clog peoples dashes with this long ass oc post LOLL

uhh ok so. her name is ivory (obviously) and shes from the fnac 2 era so shes lived in the gross ugly abandoned factory her whole life lol

her parents (cindy and blank) built her out of whatever they could find in the factory so shes kind of an amalgam of various parts from different generations of candys. thats not reflected very well in the way i draw her but trust me. it definitely was not something i thought of after i had already redesigned her

its also why shes missing an eye + the suit part(???) on one arm, they jsut couldnt find anything lmaoo. shes technically unfinished but shes Functional so whatever

shes also missing the suit part on her shins similar 2 withered blank so she covers that up with the leg warmer thingies i guess

i wish i wasnt too stupid to learn 3d modeling so i could better explain what i mean + make her real but alas. my brain is so tiny

also shes like. idk. almost as tall as blank maybe. abt the same height as the rat i guess

like assuming the thank u image is height accurate this is what i mean

shes a tad insecure abt her height bc she towers over like. every single other animatronic except for her dad LMAO

i like to imagine she was present during fnac 2 and she was jsut hiding on another floor or somethijng. secret ivory easter egg

that also means she burned along with her parents at the end of the game this is so sad

unsure if shes killed people. thatd be funny tho

i imagine shed be kinda scared of humans after being told abt what happened to blank in the first game. so idk

idk if i wanna make this littel fucker canon to her lore but i like their dynamic. so maybe. all i know rn is he jsut shows up outta nowhere and theyre somewhat close bc she sucks at socializing with literally anyone outside of immediate family

if its not obvious im jsut pulling stuff outta my ass + listing off whatever i can remember comign up with whilst walking around my house to music like an insane person

ivory is the result of 12 year old me liking the worst ship ever and then stealing someones oc so shes not meant to be taken that seriously. coherent character traits/lore/whatever is not my main priority LMAOO

anyways thajnk u for asking abt her and giving me an excuse to ramble abt my beloved creature bye

[bandofchimeras]

OP THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THIS TO MY ATTENTION WHERE'S MY SOAPBOX so. CoN was a household staple in the Christian homeschool circles of the early 2000s. everyone read it, watched the BBC show, the movies, listened to books on tape, cosplayed it. it was basically the One Acceptable Fantasy world except if you were Catholic and also allowed Lord of the Rings. my entire brain and social circle were made of Aslan fanatics. but the book in that series that fascinated me most was Magicians Nephew. all that raw uncreated potentiality of the Wood between Worlds. the 7 foot tall Evil Mean and Sexy Queen. shit. so of course. my first and last great dedicated effort to write fanfic in childhood was specifically written to explore the underutilized infinite glade of the Wood between Worlds. because like. what the fuck Lewis. why didn't you just do a spin-off of that? it could have been infinite. it could have splintered the multiverse. you could have spawned an Undertale-level social phenomenon of world-building. he was really on one with that concept. So my fic conceit (cowritten with my fellow homeschooled bestie) was this: -weird awkward social loner girl (ofc) has to move to new town -does community service at old library w/her class -while knocking down a wall they discover an old storage closet with multiple lock systems -sneak back *insert series of plot devices here* leading to opening it and discovering THE TOME OF WORLDS a long-hidden and infinite, unfinished project of documentation of every single imaginary world ever created in the mind of a human being on planet Earth. not only would these worlds be documented encyclopedically, but magickally transcribed with condensed potency so that anyone who read a page from their description would be physically and spiritually transported into that world. (hence the multilevel locking system) the Tome was an attempt to genome sequence the multiversal interlocking chaos of human imagination within a linear system. that of course was constantly, furiously continuing to write itself, incredibly unstable, and full of glitches and coding errors - the greatest of course, being located in the Lewisverse, Wood between the Worlds, which consequently was specifically bound with sigils barred from access. bc entering it would create feedback loops that threatened the integrity of reality itself. you can guess which world Miss Protagonist got sucked into. I abandoned it after a bit because it was frankly overwhelming, and I had no idea how to fit all the pieces together into a coherent story. had i not lost the file in the great Computer Theft of 2018, i'd upload those fragments to A03. Maybe its time to revisit it collectively. or maybe i can start over. idk but thank you for summoning this hydra from the back of my memory bank.

never has there been a series with more underutilized background lore than the Chronicles of Narnia. book one establishes that there exists a world-between-the-worlds, an infinite glade that can be accessed only via ancient Atlantean magic, fractaling in all directions with infinite crystal-clear pools of water representing the various dimensions of the multiverse—dimensions which contain realms of gods and technology, and magic of various types, and different magical systems for each dimension, and dead worlds, and worlds that have not yet sprung to life, and a million other wonders. book two has a talking beaver

[koqabear]

oshdkfj HELP? we're seriously telepathic at this point it's kind of scary... even more so because i've noticed this is Constantly happening to me and it's like, i'll tell someone we're telepathic as a joke at first, and suddenly it's not a joke anymore LMFAOO i think i'm the problem 😞 (fun fact: i'm really good at accidentally manifesting it's like midas touch but with words)

i've been well for the most part though n i hope you have too! i've just been preoccupied with school, playing the sims 4, or decorating toploaders...! i will literally do anything and everything except write; which sucks because i was really excited about this idea and i wanted to finish it by this month, but i haven't made any real progress with writing the storyline or mundane scenes so i don't think that's happening unless i suddenly get a burst of inspiration turned motivation. also, i know some people say that if you get stuck you should work on something else entirely or write a different scene, so i did both of those and here i am again... with two unfinished fics but complete ideas.

the ideas never stopping but the motivation does is actually so real and True though like omfg? i think with myself and my writing style in particular, i absolutely can't let myself get distracted, otherwise my source or motivation is entirely lost and difficult to get back again. i'll constantly get super immersed in a story, outline every last detail and write bits and pieces here and there, but actually writing/finishing and posting it seems to always end up being my problem and . idk how to fix it ?! like i have way too many story outlines in my notes that at this point i think i should just rebrand my blog and make it an idea bank for writers seeing how my own writing does Not want to see the light of day Ever

anyways, sorry i didn't really mean to talk so much about myself but i hope you find your motivation soon! you honestly have a lot more perseverance than i do when it comes to writing and getting your drafts done, so i don't doubt for a second that you'll get over this block soon and tackle all four...? fics 🙏🏼 boxer tae and loser gyu are here to stay ! – ml

We literally share one mind at this point bc it’s like we summoned each other or smth 💀

I’ve been well also! Life’s been a bit busy these past few weeks, but I’m finally getting some free time again,, hopefully this means I’ll have more time to write too

but omg I totally understand what you mean! Sometimes writers block is so intense that nothing helps, and now I’m stuck with so many more drafts it’s actually driving me insane..

And yes!! Mundane scenes are soooo hard to write!! It’s literally whats keeping me from my boxer tae and loser gyu fics, like they need to be there for character development but oh lord is it getting boring for me to write ! I’m also the same way with writing— I need to stay in one place and remain focused or else that fic is not getting touched again 😭 and if I don’t stop writing at an interesting scene it’s over for me

I usually avoid outline my stories in detail it’s insane 💀 the only one I’ve done a full outline on was OYD, and most of it was a voice recording of me incoherently throwing ideas out; after that I took the key points and wrote them down (then I added important details i needed to remember as I wrote)

I always wing my stories which is why I always have to go back and add stuff in LMAO it’s not the best method but it works most of the time…! Then when I’m about to stop a writing session I leave a vague checklist of stuff I wanna write (like scenes and stuff) and hope I touch it again </3

Making ur account an idea bank is such a mood I have so many good stories that are just gathering dust bc my inspiration is dried out 😭 I also hope you’re able to find motivation and inspiration for your stories, it’s such a frustrating feeling to have writers block and I’d love to see your stories !

[prismbearer]

The fact that I keep thinking of DA while playing DOS2...

Anyway. I'm in Act 3 now and this whole nameless temple isle is such a mess.

[iplayghoul]

𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐮'𝐬 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬.

pairing:: geto suguru x afab! reader

warnings:: mentions of many kinks/fetishes or sex thingies including car sex, threesomes, voyeurism/exhibition, open relationships, leading yall on with unfinished sex scenes, overstimulation & sexual torture, degradation, weapon play, blood kink ments.

author's note:: this is def my fav ive written even tho i did procrastinate with this just just bc ive already done these kinks for my favs (gojo and toji) DIS IS EXTRA LONG YALL ENJOYY😭❗️reblogs n comments much appreciated, ignore typos.

𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐬 he's wild, risky and enjoys a good time. that being said, his kinks might not all be in common with his best friend gojo. regardless, besties share things! one of them may or may not be you.

car sex: he always acts so dark and mysterious wit you all the time 🙄 what he really loves is taking you out on a road trip, an hour long drive at most, on dark rainy days at late hours of the night. you pick up some coffee for the ride, along with ham and cheese sandwhiches and just drive off onto the barely populated roads where he stops the car. you've both eaten your little meals by now and with the ac blasting, he moves past you into the back seat. the ambience of the rain and gloomy weather, together with the cold ac and good food is geto's number one kink. it gets him rock hard just thinking about finger fucking the shit out of you 'til you squirt on his leather seats, then pressing you up against the glass so he can drill his cock into you and fog up the windows.

threesomes: he adores sharing you. not just with anyone of course, but him and gojo. the two get so giddy over the idea of stuffing your mouth and pussy at the same time. forcing their meaty dicks into your pussy at the same time, or filling both your ass and cunt to the brim. you name it, they'll do it to you. he loves the idea of seeing you covered in cum and leaking it, and if he can't achieve that on his own; he can count on gojo to help him out ;)

speaking of sharing! what's an open relationship to geto? now idk what he'd call it, but it fills him with pride, boosts his ego and makes him so fucking hard when you ask for permission to make out with another person in front of him. by his rules, making out with and/or fucking another person is fine by him as long as he you ask for permission, he knows the person or you do it in front of him. he's not one to deal with cheaters, it would be best to ask his exes who have cheated, except you can't. cheating to geto is doing anything flirtatious or sexual with another person without him knowing about it. simple! wanna make out with another girl at the bar? make it messy. want him to take another guys tongue down his throat? he'll do it, cuz' yall's relationship is 50/50 😋😋 now this brings me to my next point.

voyeurism & exhibitionism: he is not ashamed of yall's sexual connection and i really mean it. whether its inviting two of your mutual friends to fuck for you both to see in yall's bed or fucking as a dare in the middle of a group of friends, he's down for whatever. "I'm down for anything, I'm down for whatever. I'm a slut, get me lit, I dare you." he wants you to be a slobbery mess of embarrassment in front of your friends, he wants them to out their hands on you. touching, squeezing, sucking on your tits while he fucks you. others holding your legs back up into the air so you can't put them down when he pounds into you and even a second cock from one of his friends coming to stuff your mouth while yall complete the dare. either way, he's going to make sure you're wrecked.

overstimulation & sexual torture: he likes to have all your 5 senses occupied while you have sex or make love. your favourite r&b song playing in the background, a scented candle lit, a blindfold: soaked, covering your eyes, the smoothness of geto's sweaty and dewy skin against yours and the taste of his lips on yours. all while he licks into your mouth and rolls his hips to slap against yours as he fucks you deep and slow. it's a torturous pace and while most days he has your skin slapping against the sheets with how forceful he's fucking you or tied up with a vibrator on your clit, some days he takes things slow. a little too slow. sometimes he enjoys overstimulating you with multiple orgasms, but he finds that fucking you way too slow 'till you come gives him a way better reaction. the slow drag of his tip against the walls of your cunt, scratching at your g-spot, makes your pussy ache and he refuses to speed up 🙄 edging you on with little words and a slow roll of his thumb on your clit.

degradation: he loves you, he really does and assuming you have an embarrassment kink and degradation kink as well, he reads you for filth. in the same sex scene as my previous point, you whine and kick your feet under him so he can move faster. you can't even see what he's doing but the blindfold is already wet with your tears, throat sore from your gasps and complaints for him to go faster. "baby please, fuck, i– i can't c'mon," your words are fumbled around in deep breaths. "ya' don't have any fuckin' shame? huh? told you to take what you get. don't fuckin' piss me off or I'll leave your cunt right here." he always looks you in the eyes, dark, not like you can see it. "fuckin' look atchya', so fuckin' needy and can't listen to simple orders," he leans more over you and offers a wet slap to your cheek. you lick your lips, eyebrows furrowed and trying not to cry more than before. "fuck— please, babe– jus' wanna cum, shit!"

and finally, weapon play: i did go a little crazy on this post but let me just say this. gun, knife or chains, geto uses it all on you. he often ties you up in bruising chains and takes the knife to your neck, letting it caress your skin, down to your breasts and tickling your torso. he indulges himself in licking the little droplets of blood that surface, careful not to cut his love deeply. other times, depending on what you ask for, (he's such a service dom btw im not gonna get into it...) he'll put the gun in your mouth while he fucks you. it's loading with one bullet instead of six for the risk but he never pulls the trigger despite it.

— listen and if yall are one to do it, i truly believe all these kinks are vice versa between you two, dont get it twisted. masterlist.

[theotherpacman]

I don't know if you're still taking recs but here are some fics,,,, im not gonna say you HAVE to read any of them (even the one that I say is a must) esp bc these are long ones... some longer than others... but here you go

tma:

A Couplet of Fools jon is a uni professor who has just been assigned to teach a poetry class which sucks for him bc he hates poetry, martin works in a tea shop and is finally trying to get his degree and signed up for the poetry class bc he loves poetry.

Full, Riotous Bloom I only ever read this the once but holy fuck it cut deep in my fuckin chest dude it GOT to me. unforgettable. a leitner hits martin with hanahaki disease

Plus One idk if you're into polyarchives but fuck dude I am. jon falls in love with each of his assistants and it's gay

bnha:

Yesterday Upon the Stair honestly a must. if I've ever laid eyes on a Must for any fandom it's yesterday upon the stair for bnha. izuku can see ghosts

throw me a goddamn rope - at least enough to hang myself with ONE OF MY FAVORITE FICS OF ALL TIME. it's quite long so I get it if you're not in for the long haul. and it's also unfinished and likely been dropped. but holy shit dude. time travel fic where the heroes have lost but aizawa goes back in time to properly prepare the one hero who could've saved them, deku, so that this time he'll be ready... except for now he's 7 and tiny and already has emotional issues

Tickets to the Todoroki Drama are Buy 1 Get 1 Free you didn't mention these characters but I have to recommend it anyway, sorry. touya and fuyumi get hit with a body swap quirk, which is a hell of a shock for fuyumi bc she thought touya was dead. lots of fun.

this is so genuine but i have never been a fanfiction person until recently... so i am going to ask with as much sincerity i can muster. do you guys have ANY fanfiction reccomendations. i mean from anywhere but ill also put stuff in tags that i already know and am interested in... please... it can be just friends or theyre kissing or more i am in it for the plot. im so real. HELPP!!

[khytal]

Would you mind elaborating on how you think stories in games are declining?

yeah I can do that I talked about it a little on twitter the other night

to start I just want to mention that this is based on the games I've played recently, so if you're thinking "well [this game] had a great story" I probably. didn't play it, or plan to sometime

also this is just an observation I'm making about myself. it's not very organized i'm typing this up at 5am

so this is about how good ghost trick's story is. as in so good, the feeling of finishing a game with no questions about anything significant was entirely foreign to me; and it may be the only game to ever make me feel like that for a long time

frankly I don't know if I just chose the wrong new games to play this year, or if it's the whole "sequels are generally worse than the original" thing, or if I've gotten picky about stories, or all of the above (probably all of the above and then some) but ghost trick made me realize I haven't played a single story-driven game (released in 2022) where I came out of the credits satisfied

just "...huh. ok. that's it then I guess"

however, I played a number of older titles where I was like "ohhh that was so good. wow" and was overall happy with the experience

but it's not really just limited to 2022; a lot of the games I played in 2021 too were lacking and/or didn't stick the landing in their stories

these include: p5 strikers (though I played that for the combat so I enjoyed it), ntwewy, lost judgment, nirvana initiative, and xenoblade 3 (this is a weird one bc I didn't dislike it but I didn't feel very strongly opinionated about it when I finished the game)

(tales of arise had several issues but I actually liked the ending a lot so it's an exception)

and then. there are some games I played that weren't story-driven, but had an interesting premise and just. dropped it completely somewhere along the way, or half-assed the explanations: monster hunter rise, world's end club, and smt5

rise is only here bc I thought the thing with the elder dragons speaking through the twins was really cool. and then it turned out to be nothing. but this leads into one of my points: that a lot of games are being released unfinished so players are compelled to buy dlc promising new story content for the loose threads that weren't wrapped up in the base game. and sometimes it still doesn't cover everything important that's missing

although rise doesn't count bc we got the rest of the story in free updates, it WAS literally unfinished at launch. extra content being released in paid dlc has been discussed by plenty of other people though (I just think it's one of the more significant factors contributing to why stories have felt. lacking) so. moving on

my big takeaway after playing ghost trick was that I had grown accustomed to stories that just. have the most slap-a-bandaid-on-it-and-call-it-good endings/explanations ever. I was used to being disappointed (in a "well that was a letdown" way, not an "I'm gonna miss this" way) when the credits rolled. I picked up games that promised a good story and expected important plot lines to never be addressed, because it's happened SO many times

in other words, gt caught me off guard because there was an entirely reasonable answer to every potential question I had. it's like when someone shuts your argument down so completely that you're speechless

this has also been discussed by others but I think being too hypercritical of little things/refusing to suspend disbelief is a "harmful" mindset to have. if you keep actively trying to nitpick something so you can go "I knew it!! this SUCKS" then of course you're going to be hard-pressed to find a "perfect" piece of media

and while I consider myself someone who's fully willing to go "okay, sure" in the moment, I've been exposed to so many posts that read so deeply into something incredibly minor that now I can't help but raise an eyebrow at things I never would've given a second thought to before,,,,,whenever that started

so I guess my other point here is that it feels like a lot of people don't let themselves enjoy stories when the plot gets a little nonsensical at times, or just get super hung up on the flaws. there's a difference between a game with an ending that's so bad you never want to play it again, and a game that was mostly solid but This One Negligible Thing absolutely ruined it for you

and I'm not trying to tell anyone what to enjoy or how to enjoy it but I think people could stand to not focus on the negatives so much, because it makes some stories seem a lot worse than they. actually are

xenoblade 3 is currently kind of getting this treatment (or it's at least pretty divisive from what I can tell), but some of it is actually warranted criticism while the rest of it is a lack of media literacy/not picking up on the show-don't-tell

anyway TL;DR ghost trick is the most complete game, story-wise, that I've ever played. I can't compare any other game to it bc it's on an entirely different level, but at the same time I now know what it feels like to finish a game wholly satisfied with its conclusion. and writers should put more care into the stories they've crafted for their games, particularly if they've been planning it for multiple years (though I'm aware that time constraints/pressure from higher-ups/other variables like that are detrimental to the creative process)

[olberic]

ok i thought i was done w triangle strategy but im NOT

disclaimer: i hate roland’s ending bc it like objectively sucks. made me the player feel scummy and would never be my first choice. HOWEVER. huge HUGE fan of roland’s reverse character growth. we dont get enough stories these days with main characters getting worse.

the first time i played the game i went to the rosellan village in chapter 15, so having roland be depressed and willing to capitulate to hyzante was like out of the blue. then in my second playthrough i stayed in the capital and got to see how roland piled all that guilt onto himself. when you go to wolffort (my 3rd run) and deal with pattriate yourself, you see how its not just him that’s the problem, its everyone else with power in the capital. when you play it on a run where he stabs cordelia it hits even harder:

no matter what roland does, from his perspective, it makes the situation around him worse, and its always his fault. now, we know thats not true — he should be a kind person, he is a good king in the golden ending. but he tries to give himself up to save house wolffort, and gets house landroi killed. he tries to drive out the invaders, and hurts his sister. he tries to support the people, and gets them in trouble with the royalists. he tries to kick out the royalists, and they steal from the people.

now, we know the royalists are corrupt no matter what. we know that cordelia was willing to sacrifice herself for avlora no matter who was attacking her. we know that house landroi gets taken down, even if its not by house wolffort. but roland doesnt! hes trapped in the narrative to always be the cause of the problems around him!!

is siding with hyzante extreme? yes! but after all that, and not even knowing serenoa could replace him as king, is it so surprising that he’d want to give up? he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders, but feels not just powerless, but cursed to make everything worse! his anger at aesfrost’s the only thing that he doesnt mess up on, so hyzante’s the only one he can surrender to.

the way he gets bad and stays bad in every ending except the golden route is proof that to get over yourself, you have to put in the work and you cant do everything on your own. its the same reason frederica’s ending leaves so much unfinished. its the same reason benedict is corrupted in his ending.

im not defending roland’s ending, but saying roland’s decision is out of the blue is just a failure to understand the story’s point!! and getting mad at him for staying true to his convictions when its made clear from day one that it’s important to stick with your decisions is so ??? like idk. i keep seeing really bad takes and its not even that hard to engage w the surface level parts of the story.

[cherryyharryy]

i have an idea for a request (it’s totally ok if you don’t want to do it) like an angst-> fluff where one of harry’s songs accidentally gets leaked bc of y/n like she has something on a flash drive and the song is on another and they get mixed up and obviously he’s really mad at y/n and they have a fight he’s super snappy with her but something happens to her like she gets into a really big accidental or something and he forgives her bc he cares about her more tha the leaked song

WC: 2.7k

***

Damage control wasn’t even an option. 

Y/n sat there, staring at Harry’s laptop, numb to everything except the blaring desire to go back in time just two minutes. Two minutes is all she would need to undo possibly the biggest screwup of her life.

And the worst part is that this mistake ultimately doesn’t affect her. At least not in comparison to how it will affect Harry. And his band. And his team. Basically everyone involved with his career. 

Her mind is equally begging for her to shut down and come up with a plan—an excuse—something, Is there anyway this wasn’t my fault?  

She checks the time, her heart sinking to her stomach when she realizes Harry and his team will be back any minute. Any minute and she’s done for.

They’ve only been together for five months, officially. She’s still new to most everyone. She’s that girl Harry’s dating.

“I told you he played in that movie.” Jeff’s voice echoes outside the studio. Y/n closes the laptop and prays for strength. 

“I have him confused with someone else.” Harry bustles through the door, a small crowd of people filing in behind him, back to the spots they left an hour ago. “Hey darling,” he greets, “finish your paper?”

Y/n’s frozen, morbidly wishing he had found out about his song leaking on his own so she wouldn’t have to tell him. “Uh, almost.”

He kisses the top of her head and hands her a cup of frozen yogurt. “Your favorite.” 

“Thanks.” She sets it on the table she’s sat at while Harry pulls up a chair beside her. “Aren’t you guys still working?”

He waves in the direction of his band, “Mitch’s gotta fix his guitar.” He snickers, and slides his laptop out from under y/n’s hands. “Had a bit of an accident in the car.” 

Y/n’s head tingles with what must be nerve damage, her place in this world, her place in this room, decreasing in value as Harry opens his computer.

“It’s gonna melt.” He nods to her yogurt.

“I’m not hungry.”

He furrows his brow. “You alright?”

“Mhm.” She looks around the room, everyone busy getting back to work, light chatter passing among them. “Uh, actually, I uh, I have to tell you something.” Y/n tries to swallow the lump in her throat with no luck.

“Okay…” He shuts the laptop and gives her his full attention.

“Okay, um—”

“What the fuck!?” The room freezes as everyone turns toward Jeff. “Harry someone’s got a hold of your song!” 

Harry scrambles to his manager, complete shock on his face as they both stare down at Jeff’s phone. “Fuck.” They start to play a video, the sound of a girl screaming, with Harry’s unconsented voice playing in the background, fills the room. “How the hell did this happen?” He’s gritting through his teeth, neck red, veins bulging in his hands as he rips the phone out of Jeff’s hand. “HOW? Someone answer me!”

Y/N considers keeping quiet. Playing innocent. What good will it do to confess anyway? It’s not like it’ll undo what she’s done.

Sarah chimes in from across the room, “It looks like it happened half an hour ago. That’s when this video I’m looking at was posted.”

Y/n’s staring down at her lap, holding her head up with her fingers pressed into her temples when Harry slings himself back into the chair next to her.

“All that work, all that fucking work,” he nearly growls, “for some cunt to spread my unfinished song around for a buck.”

Y/n peers up to the room, a completely different picture compared to five minutes ago. Now there’s talk of lawyers and pressing charges while everyone shuffles around. Jeff slams the door as he steps out with his phone to his ear, and y/n knows she can’t claim denial, it’ll only make things worse.

“Uh, Harry?”

“What is it?” He doesn’t look at her, eyes glaring at his phone while another video plays of a group of people reacting to his song. “Glad they fucking like it.”

“Harry?”

“What, y/n?”

She shrinks under his gaze, mouth dry as she forces her confession out. “I uh, this is all my fault.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m so, so sorry. And I’ll do anything—I know I can’t fix it—but...”

Harry’s tongue presses against the inside of his cheek, his eyes narrowing in on her as a morbid silence forms a little bubble around them. “Go on,” he whispers with grit, “finish what you were gonna say.”

She stutters, desperately trying to figure him out. “I’m just sorry. It was an accident.”

“An accident? How did you even manage to do this?”

“I—”

“Do you have any idea what this accident means, y/n?”

She reluctantly shakes her head no.

“How the fuck did you do this?”

“I—I don’t know...I was taking a break from my paper, and, I don’t know Harry.” She’s in tears now, warm and salty as they spill down her cheeks. Her mouth wobbles around another apology, but no sounds make it out.

“Fix it.”

“What?”

He stands up, yanking his laptop off the table, pausing to glare at her one last time. “I said, to fix it.” With that he storms across the room, slinging the door open just as Jeff reenters.

“Harry, your attorney—”

“Forget it.” He turns around and points his phone towards y/n silently sobbing in the corner. “She’s gonna handle it.” He takes one step out into the hall and stops, spinning on his heels to face the studio. “Don’t speak to me until you do.”

Mitch’s guitar that was fixed and propped against the wall, crashes to the floor when Harry slams the door. 

Chatter passes around the room one more time, only now everyone seems to be in agreeance—that girl never should have been allowed in the studio, and maybe, Harry should break up with her.

***

Early morning rain fell outside Harry’s apartment. It was still dark, street lamps burning through the fog in the city below. His home fills with coffee as he pours his fifth cup; the prior four never offering more than a few sips before he had abandoned them somewhere, the counter, mantle, bookshelf, because he can’t talk without his hands.

Y/n sits on his couch. It’s velvet and pink and too big for one person. She hated it the first time he invited her over. If he breaks up with her, she’s going to tell him how ugly it is.

“I don’t know what you expect me to do.” She’s exhausted. She hadn’t hesitated to drive over when he finally responded to one of her hundreds of texts in the week since the mishap. But now she regrets it. They’ve been going in circles with the same argument for the past four hours. She’s convinced he invited her over just to be mean. She sighs, rubbing her temples. “I said I was sorry. You know that I’m sorry. And you know that I never, ever in a million years, would have done something like this on purpose.”

“I’m allowed to be angry with you. I have every right to be.”

“Do you, though?” She straightens up on his ugly couch and looks at him leaning against the doorframe that leads into the kitchen. “Aren’t you a little tired of hating me? God Harry, everyone else in the whole world has moved on except you.”

“It’s not everyone else’s song, is it? It’s not everyone else’s months and months of hard work. It’s not everyone else’s unfinished art? Nobody else is having to deal with a girlfriend that is so careless, so thoughtless, that she actually managed to leak my song!”

“Stop raising your voice at me!”

“You had no business snooping around my computer anyway! I told you you could work on your fucking paper, not to go prying around my personal shit!”

“You know what,” she scoffs, shooting up off the couch, “this argument is so pointless. You didn’t want me here so we could talk. You just wanted to torture me because you’re mad that people don’t love your stupid song.”

“What the fuck did you say?”

She brushes his shoulder as she passes by him, and a drip of his coffee spills onto his hand. He curses, and follows her into the kitchen where he lays his final cup down on the island.

“You’re being a baby because people aren’t fawning over you like they usually do.” She shrugs and slings her bag over her shoulder. “It’s not your best song, Harry.”

The veins in his neck strain against his flaming skin. His cheeks are sucked in, and if he bites down on the skin any harder he’ll puncture his face. “Get the fuck out.”

“I was already leaving, dumb ass.” She strides by him once more, practically feeling the heat steaming off his body. When she gets to the front door, she pauses with her hand on the knob. “Your couch is hideous, by the way. Just because you’re rich doesn’t mean you have to buy shitty looking stuff.”

When she slams the door behind her, the apartment shakes, and cold coffee spills from each cup.

***

It’s nearing five a.m. when y/n backs out of the complex. Her wipers race across the windshield, but do nothing against the downpour wreaking havoc in the city. She does her best to stay on what she assumes is her side of the road, swerving to the right each time headlights blind her.

“Shit.” Nothing is open, and she can’t even see where it would be safe to pull over to let the rain pass. But her home isn’t that far, and traffic isn’t too bad. 

She comes to a stop at a red light, only to realize she missed a left turn she should’ve made a minute ago. “Damn it. Fucking hell.”

As soon as the light turns green, she spins the wheel to make a U-turn, and if it hadn’t been for the rain, and her own clouded mind, and Harry’s voice echoing in her ears, she might have seen the truck who didn’t even try to avoid her.

***

It’s the headache from hell that wakes her up. And it’s the sterile smell of hospital that jogs her memory. And it’s a nurse not much older than y/n that says something about you’re lucky to be alive. 

She’s poked and prodded and asked a thousand questions before her IV is adjusted and a pill to ease one of the many pains scratching her body is handed to her in a small plastic cup. A police officer repeats half of this process, and somewhere in the mess of her reality, she learns that the other driver was sending a text to his wife when he plowed into her car. He’s at home and she’s here. Lucky to be alive.

She made calls to her mom and friends, and even managed to type out a decent email to her professors for her upcoming absence in class.

When she automatically pulled up Harry’s name on her phone, the last text he sent, the one inviting her over so he could make her more miserable than she already was, sat there in all its taunting glory.

What is she even supposed to say? Hey, I know you hate my existence right now, but I’m lying here in a hospital bed with bandages wrapped around my head. It’d be cool if you stopped by.

It’s not long before the sun pops up and reminds y/n of just how early it is. The clouds part, and it’s like it had never even rained, like it had never even been dark for hours, and if she closes her eyes, y/n can pretend that the past week hadn’t even happened.

***

 “How are you feeling today?” The nurse checks y/n’s IV, humming after her question.

“Just sore. Ready to get out of here.”

“We’ve started the paperwork, so shouldn’t be too long. Who’s coming to get you?”

Y/n blinks, feeling stupid she hadn’t thought this far ahead. She doesn’t even have a car anymore. The nurse looks over the computer monitor, waiting for a response.

“Uh, my friend.”

“Awesome. Dr. Kirby has to come check on you one last time before you leave. I’ll go see if he can stop by now, if you want to let your friend know.”

As soon as the nurse is out the door, y/n scrambles to turn her phone back on, and once it is, her lock screen is filled with missed calls and unanswered texts.

She’ll respond later; gives her something to do in the car to occupy her in front of Harry. 

She can’t call him. Harry’s not a monster, although the past week doesn’t exactly prove her case, but she knows he wouldn’t refuse to come get her. If anything, he’ll be annoyed she didn’t tell him about the accident sooner. But she’s too emotional to deal with hearing his voice.

She types out a text recounting her last 24 hours, along with the name of the hospital. He immediately reads it, and a moment later he’s trying to call.

To: Harry

I’m too tired to talk rn

She lies. And it works.

From: Harry

I’ll be there as fast as i can

***

“Baby?”

Y/n cracks her eyes open, irritated she never quite fell asleep. Confused as to why Harry’s calling her baby. Angry that she cares. And the next words out of his mouth are ones she’d been predicting.

“Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve dropped everything. You’ve been here all alone, shit. Are you okay? What hurts?”

He’s hovering over her, fidgeting, unsure if he can touch her.

“I’m fine now. Just sore. And tired.”

“Fuck I can’t believe this, I—”

“The doctor already said I can go. I’m not allowed to walk out on my own, so, you need to let the nurse know you’re here. She’ll take me down in a wheelchair.”

“Baby I’m so sorry-”

“No, Harry. You would still be busy hating my guts right now—”

“Hate you? I don’t hate you?”

“Well you did a great job this week making me feel otherwise.”

Harry sighs, gripping the bed frame and dropping his chin to his chest. When he looks back up he has tears brimming his eyes. “I’m sorry,” his voice cracks. “I know I’ve been an ass this week. I—you were right. I took out my anger from no one lovin’ the song on you.”

“Well it’s not no one. A lot of people did. And it’s unfinished anyway. You wouldn’t enjoy a meal if it was only cooked halfway.”

He nods, but y/n knows he’s only accepting her words because of the situation.

“You mean so much more to me than a leaked song. I’m sorry I treated you like shit. And that I—I made you think I hated you. You have every right to hate me.”

“You annoy the hell out of me, but I don’t hate you.”

His lips twitch, but a few tears slide down his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.” She takes his hand off the rail and smoothes her thumb across his knuckles. “You can make it up to me by getting me out of here.”

“I can do that.” He kisses the top of her head and hits the remote to call for the nurse.

“You can really kiss me, y’know. I’m not gonna break.”

He’s hesitant, but slowly lowers his head to press his lips to hers. He’s timid, and his lips are still damp from tears, but it’s more relieving than either of them would ever admit.

The nurse ends their moment when she pops in the room, pushing a wheelchair in front of her. “Hi, you must be y/n’s friend.”

“Friend?” He peers down at y/n, suggestion lacing the word. “Care to explain?”

“Not really, I’m so tired.”

“Mhm.” He clicks his tongue, supporting her arm as she swings her legs off the bed. Once she’s standing and steady, he tucks her hair behind her ear and bends down so his mouth can graze her lobe. “Since we’re just friends, I guess you’ll have to sleep on my ugly couch.”

[iamanartichoke]

Do you still ship Valki?

Yes and no. I still ship the versions of them from my Valki fics (Sanctuary 'verse), but I don't really ship them in general anymore. There's no real reason except I just kind of lost interest? Outside of my own fic, I didn't really invest enough creative energy into them to make up for the lack of canon interaction and somewhere along the way, for one thing Thorki really took over for me but also I just became ambivalent about the pairing. I feel guilty admitting that, and I'm sorry bc Valki's where I started out in this fandom. I'm sure my lack of shipping them in general has contributed to Sea being left unfinished (for now), too, and I feel guilty about that as well.

tl;dr: Not really and I suck.

[cyclogenesis]

i have to tell you that the second i saw cal and ash on that mountain getaway a couple weeks ago, i thought about how desperately i would love a sequel to your turks & caicos fic set during that trip. (this is not a request, i promise, i just wanted to tell you bc that is one of my fav fics of all time)

Aw anon!! 🥺 Gosh I hadn't even thought about that when I was in my feelings about the mountain getaway pictures, which is wild because I am just remembering now that I started a fic after the honeymoon comment initially happened (like, very soon after, because @elliebirdthings was at that show and told me about it and we were freaking out haha), before we knew that they went to Turks & Caicos, and I had them taking that trip to a cabin in Maine.

Just for kicks, because this message made me smile and I love you for that, here's the beginning of that fic. It's unfinished obviously (not even any kissing!), but there's some nice stuff in there I think. This fic was going to be titled A whole fucking lifetime of this after the American Pleasure Club album which was a title I should have kept, goddammit. Also randomly in here I have them driving to the cabin while listening to My Bloody Valentine, who Ashton later called out as one of his main influences for Superbloom.

1600 words of unfinished Cashton under the cut! 😘

The day after the last meeting about the promo schedule the dressing room conversation turns, as it does, to plans for the break. It’s a month out, but they’ve to a man developed a fetish for planning their free time carefully as soon as the schedule’s set. Planning things makes Ashton feel like a grown-up. He likes renting cars. Sometimes he scrolls through AirBnB for hours just to see what’s out there.

“I’m going straight back, we got Dodgers tickets,” Michael says.

“I remember when you used to say ‘we’ and it meant you and me,” Calum says. He wiggles a little from where he’s snuggled against Michael on the couch like he wants to get away, but of course Michael doesn’t let him. Ashton thinks he probably wasn’t really trying.

“Aw, you’ll always be my first love,” Michael tells him, squeezing Calum to him more tightly. “You wanna make out just for old times sake?”

“I do not,” says Calum, but he lets Michael give him a big kiss on the forehead, his face squinching up happily.

“I just wanna get away for a bit, no work or social media or anything,” says Ashton, ignoring their tomfoolery. “A little cabin by a lake somewhere.”

“Oh yeah?” Luke says. “Where are you and Cal going this time?”

“Maine,” Calum says, at the same time as Ashton says, “Why would you assume we’re going somewhere together?”

A small silence falls over the room.

With dignity, Ashton says, “Calum and I are going to Maine.”

“Just get out in front of it this time,” Michael advises. “Let everyone know it’s another honeymoon. Take control of the narrative.”

“How many times can you go on a honeymoon before you have to acknowledge that you’re married?” Luke asks nobody in particular.

“It’s a bro trip,” Ashton says firmly. “For bros.”

“It’s very bromantic,” Luke says. “It’s okay, I’m not hurt I wasn’t invited. I love going back to LA and jerking off alone.”

“It’s nice that we’ve all got plans,” Calum says. He’s settled peacefully back against Michael, Michael absently petting his hair.

“It’s not a honeymoon,” Ashton insists.

*

Whatever, Ashton called it what he called it, okay? Might as well control the narrative.

Over drinks at the bar after their last show Calum asks, “Where would you want to go on your honeymoon, anyway? Somewhere new?”

Ashton pokes at the ice in his cocktail with his straw. Aren’t they supposed to not be using straws anymore because of the ocean or whatever? Ashton loves the ocean, it’s very important to him. Also this cocktail sucks. “Can I try your drink?” he asks. “I don’t love mine.” Calum has something with ginger in it, and bubbles. Calum slides his obligingly over, and Ashton passes his own over to be fair.

“I like yours better,” Calum says after a sip. “You wanna trade?”

Sometimes Ashton does believe in soulmates. “Yes, thank you.” He takes a long drink. “It would be nice to spend more time in Italy. Not one of the tourist-y parts though, somewhere quiet. Up north, maybe, one of the smaller towns.” He tries to picture what it would be like: olive groves, blue skies, stone churches. An old villa with lemon trees and a view of the hills. He’s so used to traveling with the band or just with Calum that it’s hard to picture anyone else there with him. They’re all as prone as anyone to get swept up with girls to the exclusion of most everything else, but Ashton can’t really imagine a future without seeing Calum all the time, without talking to him every day. Maybe he and Calum could just get married around the same time and they could all go on a honeymoon together.

“Yeah, that’d be pretty nice,” Calum says, looking wistful. Ashton wants to take a picture of him, capture the way a curl rests against his temple, how the blue neon lights behind the bar hit the glitter he let Ashton smear on his cheekbones before the show. They made a no social media pledge for this trip but Ashton’s bringing his camera anyway. He has to keep in practice, doesn’t he? Anyway, it’s important to capture these memories.

“Maybe we should just go,” Ashton tells him. “Why not? Who knows how long it could take for me to fool someone into living with this forever?” He sucks down the last of his drink, feeling sorry for himself now. What if he falls in love and she moves in and Calum stops coming over in the morning to walk to their favorite coffee shop together, and stops picking Ashton up so they can go hike Runyon, and stops bringing Duke over like he owns the damn place and doesn’t care about the dog hair that Ashton has to hoover off his couch pillows? That would be terrible. Worst of all, what if it was Ashton that suddenly wanted those things to stop?

“I’ll live with you forever,” Calum says, too busy flagging down the bartender to intuit Ashton’s emotional crisis. He gestures to Ashton’s empty drink. “Another one of those, right?” His own is still half full. Maybe he didn’t really like Ashton’s better after all.

“Yeah, thanks man,” Ashton sighs.

Calum bumps his knee against Ashton’s, the barstool squeaking beneath him. “Ash, you’re gonna find somebody if that’s what you want. Anyone would be the luckiest person alive to be with you. Maybe we could do Italy after the tour wraps, we’ll finish in Spain so it won’t be far.”

The thought cheers Ashton a bit; that’s a decent amount of time to get on AirBnB and see what he can find that’s available. It’ll be nice to have something to look forward to, Italian sunshine and limoncello and the quiet.

“Mike and Luke will definitely give us shit though about planning another honeymoon while we’re still on this one,” Calum says.

“Let ‘em,” says Ashton.

*

It’s not a long flight but it’s a bit of a drive from there to get to the cabin. But Calum said he wanted something remote and quiet, so it’s worth the wait, the drive in the dark. There’s moonlight, anyway, and Calum took the wheel, getting them the rest of the way there in their little silver Prius rental. He puts on My Bloody Valentine and sings along, low and comforting to listen to after so many days straight of playing, of promo. Halfway through the trip Ashton thinks he sees a shooting star, maybe thought he dreamed it until he felt Calum’s soft nudge of knuckles against his arm, heard his quiet, “You see that, bro?”

The way gets bumpy, thick with trees, dark and hard to navigate once they turn off the main road. At the end of it all there’s the cabin, looming in the dark, lights left on for them and the key exactly where it’s supposed to be. It’s past one a.m. but they still give the place a wander, stopping at the largest bedroom facing the lake. Through the floor-to-ceiling windows Ashton sees trees, darkness, the black glitter of water under starlight. Calum asks, “You want this one?”

Ashton looks further and just sees more darkness. “It’s kind of unnerving at night,” he says. “Anyone could be out there.” The other bedroom has smaller windows, but the point stands. “Do you wanna just watch TV or something in here and then decide?”

“If we get axe murdered here I hope our ghosts come back and leave a one star review,” Calum says, but he’s already shrugging his duffel off his shoulders and kicking off his shoes.

The host left them a bottle of pinot grigio so Ashton pours up a few glasses while Calum strips down to his boxers and gets in bed. The boxers have cartoon pugs all over them. “I can’t believe that’s the lingerie you’re wearing for our honeymoon,” Ashton says, handing him a glass. “I also can’t believe those boxers even exist.”

Calum raises it to him in a salute and takes a sip. “These boxers are fantastic, but I guess if you want me to take them off…” he trails off, eyebrow raised, thumb hooked in the waistband pushing them down past his hipbone, then further until Ashton can see the crease of his thigh.

“No, no,” Ashton says hurriedly, “I’m just saying, what’s wrong with a nice pair of footie pajamas? Keeps you warm. Keeps you modest.” Nevertheless he shucks his own clothes except for his own (very grown-up, perfectly normal, in a flattering shade of dark green) boxers and joins Calum in bed. Calum’s already stopped paying attention to him, too busy trying to figure out how to work the remote. He finally gets the screen to flash on, and Ashton stays quiet, sipping his wine while Calum flips channels, finally landing on something in black and white. Cary Grant comes on screen but Ashton still isn’t sure what movie it is; Calum seems interested enough, setting the remote down between them, so he doesn’t complain. The wine goes down easy and Ashton does too after not too long.

He rolls onto his side and sees that Calum’s eyes are already closed. It doesn’t look like he’s asleep yet; it always takes him a bit, leaving him in a dozy stage for about ten minutes during which he might respond crankily to any communication or with adorable mumbling affection. Ashton turns the sound down and says, as quietly as he can, “TV off?” Calum’s eyes don’t open, but he nods a little. “Okay. You want me to go sleep in the other room?”

Calum moves then, a sleepy shift of his body, fumbling a hand up and blindly patting the sheet until he makes contact with Ashton’s hand on the remote and squeezes it, links their fingers together like he can’t quite figure out how to make it work. It feels nice. “’S’okay,” he murmurs. “Stay here.”

Ashton didn’t feel like getting up anyway.