#except for the good griefs i don't say that LMAO

[fluffydice]

Kubosai little baby ficlet,,,only around 600 words lol

The bell rings. Kusuo breaks from his comfortable stupor with a blink, glaring at the intercom on the wall as though it alone was the source of all his problems.

Aren follows his gaze, then looks back down at him. "Damn."

Yeah. Damn. Kusuo lets out a quiet, growling groan, and Aren lets out a little puff of amused air. "Don't want me to leave?"

"I never want you to leave," Kusuo replies thoughtlessly. Then his brain clicks back on and he feels himself grimace as embarrassment cramps sharply in him, somewhere between his stomach and his chest.

"Good grief," he huffs, hunching in on himself slightly. When he peeks over at his boyfriend, he's sporting a tiny smile. Kusuo already knows that Aren is keeping it small in an effort not to scare him off—but there's no disguising the delighted shine in his eye. "I didn't mean to say that," Kusuo admits, which is another embarrassing honesty in of itself.

"I like it," Aren replies easily, voice even and soothing.

"I know," Kusuo grits out. "You like hearing sappy things."

He thinks about calling them stupid to soothe the ache in him, but he doesn't want to hurt Aren's feelings. Doesn't want to make him stop saying them.

"I'm. Trying. For you," he instead says quietly. "...It's hard," he adds on, even quieter.

"I know. But I'm glad you try," Aren says, his thumb rubbing up and down Kusuo's wrist. Part of him wants to swat it away, but he knows his boy is a fidgeter. He does his best to ignore it instead, and also ignore the very fact that his first instincts no longer center around himself. It's all just become about Aren.

Disgusting.

But.

Kusuo wants to make up for the way he gets taken care of, so easily that it must be second nature to the other. This doesn't feel like enough—it never does—but if Aren's words are to be trusted, then Kusuo himself is enough to make the boy happy.

How...odd. Kusuo isn't sure if he can trust that.

"It makes me feel warm," Aren continues. "I know you care. But hearing it..."

'Knowing I'm one of the few to get to hear it,' Kusuo hears him think. He would have known even without his telepathy, he's pretty sure. Aren is prideful in way different to Kusuo's own. They don't clash over it as much as they maybe should.

Usually.

Hearing those words is enough to soothe the worst of his embarrassment. Kusuo closes his eyes for a beat, relishing the first relaxed, manageable thoughts he's had all day. Everything has been just too much, grating on his ears and his mind, making him tense. But sitting here, fed, outside, and with his boyfriend—he can't even find it in himself to be ashamed at how much better he feels.

"What a pain," he answers instead of any of the sappy thoughts running through his mind, because he can't make it too easy for Aren. One or two thoughtless slips, maybe three or four in private, are fine. Something would have to be wrong for anything more than that, though.

Aren laughs. Of course he does. Kusuo looks away, feeling shy but not enough to fuss about.

"Do you feel better, at least?" Aren asks.

Kusuo waits a beat, considering. Then: "Yes," he says.

What a pain. The truth of his answer isn't even surprising anymore—he does feel better. Relying on someone like this is nearly humiliating, yes. But it's worth it to see the soft curve of Aren's lips, and, even better, the warmth of them against his own. The pleased grin is soft against Kusuo's lips, and they mold against the other's until he's smiling too.

[wuucchoo]

Understanding Tsumiki and Megumi's relationship

Hey there! It's me, Megumi's defense attorney - here once more to defend my boy.

I've been seeing A LOT of people saying they cannot sympathize with Megumi's grief because they don't know Tsumiki that well. And although I would argue that you don't need to know the person who died for you to sympathize with the one who was left behind - I do understand what these people mean, i don't agree with them! But I understand why they think this. And yes, we dont know Tsumiki.

However, we first need to understand why gege chose to present Tsumiki this way. On a surface level, she can only be seen as 'the thing that would cause Megumi's downfall' - we dont know her thoughts, her ambitions, her real personality, anything really - except for what Megumi says about her. A 'textbook good person'.

And that's because she is a character that we were only able to see through someone else's eyes. We don't know Tsumiki, because Megumi doesn't know Tsumiki.

BUT WAIT!! What do I mean by that?

Before that though, I would like to say first! This doesn't mean that Megumi's love for her is diminished by this. Just because he doesn't know her doesn't mean he doesn't love her. Megumi cares about her more than anyone in his life, and that's a fact!

Now we can proceed! What does this mean? Let's look at this page from ch 56: origin of obedience:

This was a case that they have been investigating, and it is pretty damn close to Megumi's and Tsumiki's old school. And yet, the thought that Tsumiki might have went to the bridge with her classmates never crossed his mind. He doesnt know that Tsumiki is someone capable of breaking the rules, going against curfew, and joining her friends to go to a haunted bridge in the dead of night. This boy Megumi thinks his sister is a damn saint.

He put Tsumiki on a pedestal, and it resulted in her turning into nothing but the mold of a good person Megumi uses to judge other people. If a person is not Tsumiki-shaped, then they're not worth saving. ((Luckily for Yuuji, he IS Tsumiki-shaped lmao. But anyway!))

Truth be told, I used to think it sucks that we never knew Tsumiki outside of what Megumi says. I never felt bad when she died, I felt bad that Megumi's sister died. I felt bad FOR Megumi.

And now that I actually think on it, THAT was the exact point. We dont NEED to know Tsumiki, we only needed to see her through Megumi's eyes - and through that, understand that Megumi doesn't really know her that well.

It is something that Megumi have to mull over. Why did he keep Tsumiki at an arm's length despite how much he cares for her? Why is it so hard for him to let people in? Why is asking someone for help so difficult for him?

ITS BECAUSE OF THAT MFKER TOJI!!!! IM TELLING YA'LL!! /hj

Look at the face he was making in Toji's memory. That's a kid who shows his emotions outright. My boy is pouting (つ╥﹏╥)つ. But when Gojo met him, Megumi has become a total idgafker (at least on the outside). And thats not only because Gojo was a stranger - coz thats how he looks like when he talks to Tsumiki too. It's because he became that way when Toji left.

Anyway, my point is, due to Megumi's abandonment issues - he never let anyone in. EVER. Not even Tsumiki. Megumi put a wall between him and other people - for his own protection. The one who came a little bit close into breaking that wall is Yuuji (and we are yet to see how that goes).

And this is why, we as the readers are all detached from Tsumiki's character. Because we saw her through Megumi's eyes, who loves her and cares about her very, very much - yet despite that he never let her get too close. (っ- ‸ - ς)

If you read up to here, whats up! Thank you for reading! Feel free to counter it or anything, Im happy to discuss!

((also something to add: Megumi cares so much about Tsumiki because she's the first one who actively chose to stay - amidst all the people who left.

this was inspired by a great megumi character analysis i found on twitter:

read it if you have time! its really good!

[sarascamander]

I JUST FINISHED THE SECOND BOOK AND I'M GOING ABSOLUTELY FERAL OVER IT.

Sophie, my girl, my heart, my soul. You were such a BITCH in the first book but in this one? You have my heart completely. I felt for you MUCH. And that ending? DESERVED.

In the first book Sophie action was entirely of her own so I wasn't really sad that she got consequences of her action. But this one there were strings that were pulled and she was so haunted by herself from book 1 (starting the book I thought she had PTSD lmao).

She was trying so hard to be good. And in Sophie's fashion, it didn't exactly go well but she actually acknowledged this and she felt guilty over it constantly and that is already the sign of good people. She knew that coming between Tedros and Agatha was wrong and she pondered about it constantly through the book. She tried to be a better person and a better friend but not everyone saw or believed that. And while it's understandable given her character and history, I still felt bad for her. Especially every time she looked hurt when Agatha thought that she was turning into a witch again 😭😭

This book also really highlights her insecurity about being alone and without love. And also her grief for her mother. And those insecurities were used against her so hard man.

I have so many feelings especially about the ending but before that can I just say Sophie as Philip is her best??? The way she was so vulnerable with Tedros and defended him so fiercely and at the same time trying to protect Agatha from him just — she's so capable of good!! Her as Filip is solid proof. Every time she tried to make Tedros see that Sophie was lonely and just wanted her happy ending and needed Agatha I just — my heart broke. She sounded so sad and miserable.

I also love that in this book there is no clear villain (except Evelyn ofc). Everyone makes mistakes and just tries to find their Ever After. That conversation between Filip and Tedros is so good.

Okay now about the ending: MY HEART ACHE FOR SOPHIE LIKE BRO??? I WANT TO REACH INSIDE THE PAGES AND HUG HER FR

Sophie tried to be a good friend. Both Agatha and Tedros refuted this because she lied. Sophie trying to be good but at the same time knowing she's not perfect. Agatha and Tedros believe she's becoming a witch again. Sophie is afraid of being alone and no one loves her anymore. Agatha and Tedros (her only friend and the man she cared about) tried to banish her alone right in front of her while she was begging and crying — like my girl is GOING THROUGH IT.😭😭😭

I don't blame her for wishing for her mother bc at that moment her only friend just basically abandoned her. She thought her mother is the only one left who loves her and I feel for her so much reading this part. I don't blame her for choosing the School Master either. Honestly, I would've done the exact same thing in her shoe. I would have felt so betrayed like no way we're friends again after that and I'm not saying Agatha is a bad friend bc both of them were manipulated. Agatha was actually the best friend you could ever wish for but my god the way everything happened the way it did... I really don't blame Sophie.

"He chose me, Agatha. And you didn't." MY HEART. IT CRACKED.

I don't really invest in Sophie's character in book 1 — she is cringy and unbearable but holy God she's my favourite in this book. I can't shut up about her, you can't make me. She's my girl now and I'll defend her until my dying breath.

[doorrobloxstuff]

MAIN AU LORE - REVISED (PART ONE)

Alright, so, after some thinking. I’ve decided to blow up my old au and rework it :)

After all, it��s two years old and it’s lore has been kinda blown around in the wind. So, resetting everything.

I’m doing the ones I have lore for, as I don't have all the energy in the world anymore.

Important stuff:

Seek’s family + the other entities are trying to escape the hotel. Their family was sealed away by the guiding light nearly a couple thousand years ago.

The entire hotel was pissed off at humanity for destroying their old home, killing Seek’s mother (A-250.), Killing Depth, Some of Rush’s and Ambush’s children, permanently disabling Ambush, potentially killing Silence (they never found their body), and causing Greed to die from a grief induced heart attack.

The guiding light was an angelic being sent to stop them. It built the hotel entity and gave it life, she had no malice towards them, but they needed to be stopped.

It made their prison as humane and as comfortable/natural as possible. Intending for it to eventually return to earth and become their replacement home after their rage cooled and grief healed.

…But never made it inescapable until then, rip.

The other entities work for Grumble and company in various positions.

Jeff betrayed Grumbles and chose to side with the guiding light after seeing that its basically blinded with hate and was making a monster out of its son, Seek.

The upper hotel is the living quarters for the worker entities to stay in except they have their own large suites behind doors inaccessible to humans.

The lower floor is a busy multiplex of pipes and productivity. The pipes are meant to feed into Seek’s mass and get it to a powerful enough state to escape the hotel.

Entities names are actually quite long and complicated! A mixture of sound-words from entity language. The names we call them as are shortened versions or not accurate to their true name! They also have names chosen at the time of their birth, and names they choose. Those change very frequently.

So..let’s get to the hotel’s denizens, shall we?

- Canon characters + lore (in order of sort of importance) -

Grumble:

Grumbthinkle von tentacle:

The ring leader behind this whole operation

Pretty mean and grumpy to be honest. The human-translated name is very accurate.

Jeff’s brother, Seek’s uncle, parent to the giggles. Screech’s GREAT uncle.

Disowned and reverted to its natal name after what happened with Jefftholomew. Wants nothing to do with him.

Imagine a pot of pure, unadulterated rage and grumpiness and resentment and spite and every other negative emotion stewing in a pot. Behold, GRUMBLE.

The boss man :tm:

Okay okay headcanons now.

..and also perhaps with a smidge of sorrow.

Aro Ace :)

Brilliant at engineering and construction. Built a labyrinthine network of pipes and mines to try and get more resources.

May have..once taught humans how to build aqueducts.

Also really, really likes gardening.

What can I say? It’s really good at digging with those tentacles.

Its favorites are gardenias.

Eyes loves it lmao those two have entire cork boards dedicated to their plants and what they want to plant this “season”. (Sunlight is rare in the hotel dimension.)

Would probably be caught dead with a garden trowel in its hands singing in the worst goddamn voice you have ever heard.

Really close to its nespring, Seek..though..it also may see it as a tool necessary for it and the others to escape and take their revenge.

Often lazes about in its nest when it exhausted itself from working on pumping raw ore and metal into Seek’s mass.

Does give a flying fuck about its underlings..but its number one priority during work hours is GETTING OUT and its second one is GETTING REVENGE.

So..certain things have..flown under its radar.

Adores its children the giggles and often cajoles them + the hotel’s children with tales of its inventions and adventures long past.

Loves to read to them in its deep voice.

It’s nickname is grumby :)

Its stories are long and complicated, sometimes hard to follow but very entertaining if you manage to stick along for the ride.

It frequently dreams of home..sometimes of a certain someone to.

Seek:

Grumble's Nespring (nonbinary term for neice/nephew), Parent of Screech, Snare + one more.

Married to Figure. <3

Twins w/hide

Still the spiteful little british guy I want to write more of, just huge(r)

Built like something out of vita carnis, think the harvesters with tendrils that suck the everliving shit out your blood and liquidify your organs in an agonizing display of unnatural brutality.

..a bit..err, peeved with the fact that its uncle pretty much is using it to get their way out, sometimes forgetting the fact that Seek is not, just an object for him to use in its escape plans.

Veeeerrryyy particular in the placement of it’s mass.

Hates how much its grown, almost to near dysmorphic levels.

*GRITS ITS NON-EXISTENT TEETH* “I JUST..WANT..TO..LEAVE.”

Sick of it all, not gonna lie.

Figure is it's rock and sanity.

No more winemaking rip. But still loves drinking wine and will often be seen sharing a sip or two on a romantic night out with Figure.

Still wears its suits. Still does the fancy thing.

Screech:

Mischievous lil guy

Plays with the giggles.

Has a more humanoid form, just doesn’t take it.

Is growing quite strong mass wise (see what’s in the nest lol), but Seek FORBIDS grumbles from getting children involved in its plan.

Grumbles concedes, because it kind of agrees, but also because Seek could turn it into an albinistic stain on the wall.

Screech still loves to listen to its to it’s auncle’s stories.

Eyes:

Extremely anxious sometimes to the point of near-neuroticism.

Talks like this this! This! Meant to be disconcerting! disconcerting and all over place! Place.

(There will be translations so people with screen readers can still read! )

Sometimes feels ignored, despite being older then Hide and Seek combined.

Secretly heartbroken about it, but doesn’t say a thing..but they’re boiling over..ohhhh they’re boiling over.

Their emotions are a complicated and LOUD mess.

Besties w/halt they both yap.

Misses their father. Sometimes visits him when they..gets really bad.

Teleports around when their thoughts are everywhere and they want to talk.

Can be dignified..when they want to be.

Don’t look at me! DON’T STOP LOOKING AT ME! Don’t look at m- PICK A LANE GODDAMNIT IT.

Dating Jack, it’s casual and going steady tbh.

Kinda frowned upon that they’re doing so because Jack used to date hide and that was cringe for all involved.

Kinda just is around, likes to cook :) Chef eyes.

Do not bother them in the kitchen they will scream and go crazy.

Giggles + (older giggles/big giggles)

There’s a 100 of them.

Four large ones, and a bunch of increasingly smaller ones.

The four older ones were alive when the hotel collapsed.

Three of them are getting very. very. Tired.

The forth is uhhh..complex.

I’ll do “fourth x reader” fics with the fourth fully grown adult giggle I just want don’t want the aromantic grumble (their father) in any romantic fics lol.

That’s my compromise to you so you do get find romance with one of the nest entities

The four large ones meet every night.

Hide:

Twins w/Seek

Dating Glitch.

COULD be as strong as Seek, but would never even consider increasing its own mass after what happened with Seek.

Extremely close w/Seek

Much more reclusive.

Afraid of its uncle and hates what he’s doing.

light-based in mass that can become much more gooey when distressed or nervous.

Sometimes looks like a weird abstract painting.

Also grieving its home and mother.

Loves to paint.

Used to a lot of paintings of their old home, which tend to be misinterpreted horrifically by Grumble and would further its resolve and/or be used as an example. So, it stopped painting that.

Instead it’s gotten a bit more..secretive about what the meaning behind the paintings it makes are..some are more obvious then others. (Nudges the paintings of shadow/depth.)

The paintings are mostly used to jab at grumble/show better futures without going through his insane ass plan.

Those who truly know and are be to interpret them correctly and figure out their meaning are their friends lol.

It’s sort of its little artistic rebellion against Grumble.

It may ;) have painted ;) a few ;) familiar friends. ;)

Jeff:

Seek’s and hide’s + eyes dad lol

A couple of thousand years old, created alongside his sibling, Grumble.

Used to live at the bottom of the ocean with him before both of the siblings chose to travel the world in search of a home entity.

It took them awhile, those two going on many adventures, finding treasure, fighting other entities, discovering fascinating creatures, meeting friends along the way (some of whom joined them), procuring knowledge.ect

Whole ass dnd campaign with those two.

Jeff gained a deep understanding of humans and respect for them. Viewing them as friends and kin while Grumby kind of just- 🤷

They eventually, did find a home entity. One large enough to house them and their friends.

They all moved in and it was a very happy life for awhile. :)

Found a wife. Had Eyes and later Seek and Hide with her.

Then well..

The humans came.

Centuries later he still doesn’t hate them.

Betrayed grumbs and worked with the guiding light to use his knowledge of the archaic and magical and help Guide create the crucifixes.

Was disowned and is now violently hunted alongside Dread and El-Goblino so they will stop murdering humans.

He also managed to place a spell upon his shop so it’s always concealed.

A bit of a silly guy, loves to play coy.

He’s good at drawing magic runes and ancient languages but utter dogshit when it comes to writing in english.

The money (knobs) is magic too.

Help how do I describe him, goddess of everything else vibes.

Is extremely depressed on the inside though, but DARES not to show it.

Is hurt that Grumbles has pretty much turned his entire family against him and (to him) very few actually see that what he’s doing is insane.

More furious then hurt that he’s using SEEK of all entities.

Glad to have to have Dread, Hide, Gobby and Guide so he’s not too early.

He’s also dating dread lol

Dread:

Toad entity :)

Has pores in his skin and poison in his blood that is extremely deadly.

He can also squirt it in your face.

Also Jeff’s personal spy and pair of eyes.

NO ONE has a clue that he's working with Jeff and except those who are close to Jeff.

Kind of just stands there and pretends to take little naps while secretly spying on others casually.

He's very friendly, so if someone comes up to him while he's listening to others he'll just go about chatting with them.

He also bakes pastries and cooks with Eyes.

Rush and Ambush trust him a lot! He's one of their buddies :)

Him and Bushy are both aquatic entities :)

Tries his best NOT to hurt humans, but given he's older and disabled (Post-traumatic stress disorder + missing an eye.) usually, the other entities will hunt any humans for him so, it's not much of an issue.

However, if a human being IS in his proximity, he is expected and obligated to try and kill them as to not blow his cover.

He prays this will never come to fruition. ^

He's not expected to participate in any active hunts!!

He's the one he least expect.

Overall very well trusted by the hotel's denizens.

Considered one of the hotel's best singers (though to humans he just sounds like a toad)

Yea get that old man.

El-Goblino

Pretty much the same as canon.

Just fluffy :)

Outcasted from the hotel AND separated from his wife after what happened with the humans.

Just happy to be here.

The lovely pair of speeding soulmates. + everybody else I actively have the energy to write about.

Rush:

Married to Ambush! <3

They have had many litters and raised many children over the centuries, but the notable ones are the rooms entities and the Sally + Dupe (who are twins.)

Bonded pair do not separate.

One of Grumble's most violent and ardent supporters.

Still very, very mad about what happened.

Doesn't mean it like it very much, though......Grumbles is very grumpy and disgruntled alot of the time.

Ambush's better half.

Both work as miners/line workers. Whatever is the necessity for the day, but Rush primarily works with the handling of larger ore chunks due to it's strength.

Constantly exhausted and very achey.

Very touchy around the topic of humans, dislikes their situation being discussed. Will get into violent arguments with those it disagrees with, sometimes ending in minor fights that Ambush has to drag it away from.

Hangs out with Blitz sometimes, but doesn't talk a lot, (esp since the backdoor entities are scheming against Grumble).

Flirts w/Ambush while they work. It's like those two are still dating.

Still loves to knit, sometimes does it when its worried.

Ambush:

Bonded pair do not separate

Permanently disabled, it's jaw was twisted in such a way that it could never heal and is in constant pain because of that.

Some days are better then most, but sometimes It's left in bed twitching in pain.

Also super loyal to Grumble, even if the guy can be..mmm..

Smokes a lot to help cope with the pain, and unfortunately is very depressed after losing its sibling and some of its children.

Very tired...just.. very tired.

Is on the verge of quitting working, but doesn't.

Those weird ass flies:

Just a prey item the entities will gobble on

Kind of like flying popcorn chicken to them

Rush and Ambush both love catching them and frying them.

They’re very territorial and will kill someone and then suck their blood.

Flying evil parasitic popcorn

Y/N:

You! That’s right, you’re canon to this au! (Sort of.)

You’re a bit subjective, but depending on your POV, you can get a lot done learning about the lore of this au :)

sorry guys i am very tired, i'll finish the rest later.

[vivalioo]

heyy! hope you're having a good day so far! i was wondering if i could have some headcannons of the stardust crusaders reacting to the fem! reader who's stand powers are mostly based on dreams that she had in the past? forgive me if this all is confusing (i've never really thought deep into a made-up stand power before 😅), but basically, whatever happens in a particular dream (ex: a person slips and falls on the floor), as long as the reader can remember certain details or events, when her stand touches a person (doesn't even have to be a punch, the stand could literally poke them for a brief second if it wanted), that person will be affected (as stated in my example: a person slips and falls in the reader's dream? the affected person will also slip and fall). however, the funny catch is that the reader tends to have strange dreams (some range from "ok, well that was weird" to "WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT?! DID I ACTUALLY DREAM THAT?!"), so the weirder/intense/funnier the dream, the more powerful the attack is. sometimes there will be moments where a stand user is defeated in the most hilarious way, which always leaves the reader laughing her ass off at the end of the battle LMAO. apologies again if this all sounds confusing! feel free to change some things up if you want to :) ty! <33

@klvbxlove

This is my first time writing headcanons for characters so I thoroughly enjoyed this, especially because this idea was so fun, thank you for requesting! I hope it's to your liking ^^ I also hope you don't mind me tagging you just to make sure you see this! I know sometimes questions I ask don't give me notifs when people answer lol

No warnings needed I don't think except uhh the reader's gender isn't mentioned because of 2nd person pov, and this is mostly platonic but Polnareff's section has a flirty comment because c'mon it's Polnareff. OH and no Iggy :(

Jotaro Kujo

-Jotaro is still relatively new to the whole situation regarding stands, and although he had thought he'd seen it all by now boy he couldn't be more wrong!

-I think he'd definitely be skeptical of the nature of your ability at first. You're practically able to change fate itself with a simple touch of your stand, it isn't until he sees it in action does he really start to accept how weird but strong the power can be

-Even if he won't admit it he's definitely curious if you've had any dreams involving him lol. Once he starts to believe your ability he'll grumble out something along the lines of "Keep that damn thing away from me" in fear of getting into an embarrassing accident as a result of the dreams

-If your stand happens to swoop in and save the day with some freak occurrence that rivals the likes of Joseph's most ridiculous plans, he's left in disbelief and tries to hide it by pulling his hat down and saying his most famous catch phrase. Expect to hear "Good grief." Every time your stand helps to incapacitate an enemy.

Noriaki Kakyoin

-Kakyoin is very polite when approaching the topic of your stand ability

-He's fascinated with the idea of you being able to control someone's fate in such a way, and is one of the ones who sees the most potential in this stand

-He'll try to protect and lead you in battle more often than not, because he also recognizes that this ability is not really suited for combat. Which is very sweet!

-He doesn't pressure you but definitely makes it known that he'd appreciate any heads up for any dreams that involve him. He doesn't really want to make a fool of himself anytime soon

Jean Pierre Polnareff

-Polnareff is like the second most fascinated with the nature of your stand, he's definitely curious if any of your dreams happen to mention him too. -He'd somehow find a way to make a witty one-liner out of the situation, it's just in his nature. "Ah, so you've been dreaming about me have you?"

-If you decide to tell him of any embarrassing fate that might befall him that day he'll kinda blush a bit and subconsciously shy away from you and your stand's touch while saying "O-oh? Is that so?"

-Please forgive him he's had enough embarrassment on this trip. Mans is traumatized lmfao

Muhammad Avdol

-Avdol, being a fortune teller himself, is probably the one most fascinated with your stand ability! He'll enthusiastically encourage you to tell him of your dreams every morning, so much so that it becomes routine

-He'll always thoughtfully and politely nod along, strategizing about how your premonitions can be used in battle against enemy stand users

-He gets embarrassed if any of your dreams involve him, especially if it's something silly. He feels like he has to apologize for you seeing such an uncharacteristic display

-He will definitely give a hearty chuckle about anything else you tell him about the crusaders though. You've seen how mischievous he can be at times, if it's something non life threatening he'll even subtly encourage you to touch them with your stand. It's like a little inside joke you both get to be on!

Joseph Joestar

-If there's even a mention of himself in your dreams you bet your ass he wants to know every detail! If it's something funny/ridiculous he'll sort of scoff and hide his embarrassment, claiming that such a thing would never happen to him!

-Until it does.

-He'll never get used to seeing this ability in action against enemy stand users, like Jotaro he might even be skeptical and teasing/condescending about it at first (because that's just how he is), and has never been humbled so fast than when you cause some sort of terrifyingly hilarious fate to befall someone

-After that he's like a persistent child, constantly inquiring about your dreams and abusing your stand's power to the fullest, especially to help him out of a tough spot

-He'll get a bit ahead of himself, so you'll have to remind him sometimes that your ability works in a specific way, and no you can't make something happen to an enemy naturally because they're kicking yall's ass in battle lol

[codenamesazanka]

Its not even a matter of being a villains fan or not, the writing is just genuinely bad because it contradicts dekus character and interrupts shigarakis storyline. Deku was written to set himself apart from others by using his stablished inherent goodness to save (not kill) the "unredeemable villain", that was his narrative challange/conflict, like it was done with uraraka and shouto (except they are not the MC). This is not a overanalysis, its literally how the author was writing his mc lmao.

Hi anon, again(?)

I'm not disagreeing with you! About Deku being bad writing. Sorry if it came off that way. I think the story really did mostly tell us about Deku's attributes without showing them, and also effectively gaslit us about Deku's uniquely great drive to save and that all the stuff he did was in service of that 'saving'.

I have to point out, though, that technically killing was never off the table. Nana asked him if he had the resolve to kill, and Deku said 'Dunno. Maybe there will be no other way', and only after that says he wants to try saving first. Gran Torino gave us the "killing is salvation" and Deku never contradicts him, and now it seems like that was the thing Deku took to heart.

The thing about 'saving' is that - I think - it's in a Buddhist context that this Japanese manga takes place in. Though take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. Idk about Horikoshi's religious beliefs and HeroAca isn't an explicitly Buddhist work, but Buddhist thought is part of Japanese culture, so it's inevitable that its sensibilities and ethics show up everywhere.

'Saving' here means ending suffering, being freed from things like anger and hatred. It doesn't necessarily mean 'not kill' or 'no death'. Sort of like saving the soul. Which is why Deku smashing Shigaraki's hatred is him 'saving' Shigaraki... and then he can just let Shigaraki die. Deku even talks to Shigaraki in the latter's final moments about basically trying to end the cycle of sadness/grief/misery - with him releasing Shigaraki from it.

(I don't think this is unique to Buddhism either... Saving the soul is also a thing in Christianity, right? With death still okay. That's something I know even less about, though, so pardon me.)

Quoting @bnhaobservation :

It's similar to how Midoriya saves Shigaraki's soul and we aren't impressed, but Japanese readers are.

In the western culture when someone dies, at most, we only worry about the soul regretting his wrongdoings or he'll end in hell (that and that he won't look deserving of being forgiven by the audience if he doesn't regret them).

In Japan, when someone dies in a violent way including murder or suicide or dies leaving behind unfinished business or do not receive appropriate funeral rites upon their death, they believe his spirit remains trapped in the world of living and can't move on and this is torture for said soul.

So the idea that Shigaraki's soul was soothed, that was put to rest, is really important and equates to salvation in a Japanese mind-setting... but, to us, it's only a last smile before death.

Deku was indeed written to set himself apart from others - by even bothering to care a little bit about Shigaraki and 'not ignoring the Inner Crying Child'. (But then there was Uraraka, feeling the same way about Toga...) No one else on the Hero side cared, not even All Might and Gran Torino with their connections to the Shimura Family that Shigaraki/Tenko is part of. Deku's inherent goodness means compassion, which, again, he shows by 'not ignoring the Inner Crying Child'. He takes the extra step of trying to save Shigaraki's heart, which technically he didn't have to. He could've just killed Shigaraki from the start. And so that's his great heroism.

Furthermore, he's actually unhappy about being unable to save Shigaraki/Tenko's life. That's a sign of his amazing kindness.

I largely disagree with this. I think 'saving' should've meant also physically saving Shigaraki. I think Deku's kindness was bare minimum, and this is absolutely not "extraordinary heroism". But that's me. I've seen a few Japanese readers also take Shigaraki's ending to mean that he couldn't be saved, or disagree with Deku's violent mind-invasion actions. But most of the reactions I have seen from Japanese readers do agree with Deku having did his best and succeeded in saving Shigaraki's heart, and that was what was needed, and so Deku is a great Hero. This isn't unique to Japan either - good portion of people in Western fandom also seem to agree.

Writing is still bad, though, with Deku being so bland and boring and empty of a character and the story often insisting that Deku doing a regular old thing that other characters have also done is actually the epitome of heroism. Then there's everything else in Act 3.

Thanks for the ask, anon! Sorry you were disappointed.

[back-on-my-autistic-bullshit]

Join me as I go feral about klance + Dear Arkansas Daughter by Lady Lamb at 4/5am

Ok. OKAY.

The first three lines are just:

Take a swim in the water / Take a swim in the water / Dear Arkansas Daughter

I have nothing special to say about this except that Lance and water are interconnected in my brain, unsurprisingly. I mean he pilots the blue lion so it just makes sense yk yk

You with the dark curls, you with the watercolour eyes / You who bares your teeth with every smile

This one is SO obvious but. Dark curls = Keith and watercolour eyes is Lance

Bares your teeth with every smile FEELS like Keith too. He's smiling and supposed to be friendly but is still coming off as idk like ??? Standoffish or argumentative anyway!

He says "I can always hear you sing, I wanna hear you speak to me"

This HITS. Imagining this as Keith begging Lance to just TALK to him to tell him how he FEELS because Lance is used to concealing how he feels with jokes. UGH

Skipping a line or two bc I don't have thoughts about those

I was talking at a cigarette / There's nothing left to say / But he should have been there anyway / For I didn't sing a single song, all day

This is about when Keith goes to the blade of marmora and leaves voltron ok ok. Like. Lance misses him. He misses talking to him and he doesn't know what to say when Keith isn't there, his jokes feel hollow now because he isn't there I. Am foaming at the mouth

As my love for you dies / As my love for you dies / As my love for you is steadily dying

Lance and Keith pushing down their love for each other and suppressing ("killing") it as they're separated and IDK IDK is this anything

As sharp and serious as a pistol in the eye

Something something Lance uses a gun and he is the sharpshooter and has good aim. Yeah thats all

My heart is full of swords / Full of, full of swords

This is kinda silly but it reminds me of the three of swords tarot card which has swords impaling a heart. This card also symbolises like, separation, grief, sorrow and heartbreak so!

Once again about Keith leaving to join the blade of the marmora they're both heartbroken and hurting!!!!!

Tie my hands and I knock my knees / As I kneel down, I kneel down in the sea / To the ocean floor, I will sink / Like a steel chest full of weapons

Once again !!! Water + Lance! Interconnected to me

"I will sink" makes me think he's like... giving up hope of Keith EVER coming back and they're relationship being the same again

"Like a steel chest full of weapons" this just goes back to the swords in the heart line and I think thats cool, yeah thats it

And on the spine of the tide, you will rise / Like a red, ripe, red, ripe apple

This one is embarrassingly simple but red = Keith lmao

The "red apple" (Keith) "floating on" (coming back to) "the tide" (Lance)

It feels like hope

ALSO. It reminds me of how oil floats on water and they don't ever truly combine but instead simply like.... co-exist in the same space. Idk dude I'm so tired and having so many thoughts

Take a swim in the dirty water / Dear Arkansas Daughter / Take a swim in the dirty water

Dirty water!!!! Foams at the mouth. This calls back to the start of the song but it's dirty now which links back to my previous thought of oil + water (the metaphor being keith is oil and lance is water btw)

Because water with oil in it is like dirty I guess

And the whole take a swim thing is Lance embracing Keith back into his life

Darling, child, true love of mine

Idk. True love of mine. Feels self explanatory

True love <3 they admit their feelings to each other and are happy. The End

The demons took over, and I needed to get this out of my system I would apologise but then again this is literally what this tumblr account is for so. Yeah hope you enjoyed that word vomit

[teddybeartoji]

mickey for starters i have a confession to make… even after all these months whenever i search your acc i ALWAYS accidentally type “teddybearmick-“. toji is your teddybear but he better understand that you’re mine 🫶🏼

OKAY SO im a cartilage piercing virgin because i am. scared of infections 😞 but i was wondering if you had a conch piercing? if you do - how would you rate the pain / healing process? and second, how would you compare it to a helix? i want one sooooooo bad 😭

TEDDYBEARMICKEYYY PLEASEEEE YOU'RE SO CUTEE I WANNA BITE YOUR CHEEKSSS>:333333333333333 yk i think toji is somewhat okay with sharing me but i think he'd like to thirdwheel us. listen listen listen he just likes the company okay,, he'd never admit that sitting quietly on the armchair while we play video games together on the couch is very relaxing for him. i don't think he'd mind that at all!!!!!!!!!!!! he will want me back for the night though.. i fear he gets very clingy and grumpy smhhh he is a grown man (i'm so giddy just thinking abt him being clingy scar i'm so doomed i love him)

OKAY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . FIRST THINGS FIRST SCAR . my ears are very sensitive😭😭😭PLEAAAASEEE BEAR THAT IN MIND OKAY and i do really mean that they're sensitive bc i am very good with pain overall. i've broken bones i've had fractures, i am always a breath away from falling asleep during tattoos (mind you i have one that reaches from my hip to the side of my boob so it's a a pretty big one in a rather tender area and . i was still fighting off sleep)(i was also horny but that's another topic) ANDDDDD i have a belly button piercing which was literally like a pinch too okay i am veeery good with pain

except when it comes to my ears😭😭😭 i have seventeen ear piercings and i have hated getting every single one of them. actually i've taken two of them out so there are 19 holes in my ears in total. no pain.. no gain.. (i say through tears) AAANYWAYYY i do have a conch piercing and it is, in fact, very super sexy:3333333333 it is also the second most painful one out of all of them:33333333333333333333

the cartilage is just very thick there yk? so it's definitely like a very uncomfortable piercing to get. i also need to mention that this is like one of the few things that actually make me feel squeamish lmao i can't LOOK at somebody getting a piercing like the mere idea of something going through my ear is making me tweak a little SOO i think that just made everything even worse for me

i can't really talk abt my healing process just bc all of mine always heal the same way - they're fine at first and then after the first two weeks or so they swell up very badly and stay like that for like five days and then it's fine . healed . hgasdghsaghdhgsaghas so it was the same with the conch one too, it ended up swelling so bad that you couldn't even see the bar anymore and yk they put a longer bar at first for that very same reason lmao IT HASN'T GIVEN ME ANY GRIEF AFTER THAT THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like my older helix piercings have acted up a million times more than my conch so that's good i think..

you can always use salt water if it does get infected!!!!!!!!!!! there's this thing called Humer Nasal Spray idk if you have it where you are but it's literally just salt water and yes it's meant for your nose but it works wonders for infected piercings!!!!!!!!!!! they even sell it at the salon i go to lmao if you don't have it though then you can put like a teaspoon of salt into a lukewarm cup of water and then either dip a rag or smth in it and then hold it to your ear,, i always thought this was kind of painful though so i always end up just tilting my head to the side and literally just dipping my ear into the cup . i don't have a specific time for you i always just do that for as long as i have the patience lmao

BUT BUTBUTT NOWW!!!!!!!! A LITTLE PLUS FOR YOU!!!!!!!! SO YOU WOULDN'T ACTUALLY GET ALL SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was there when my friend got a conch too and for her . it was like nothing. she didn't pull a face or anything and she literally asked the piercer whether she could get another one right away????????????????????? i was kind of horrified lmao aaaand genuinely can't remember her whining about the healing process later on either and we were in classmates and we sat together at all times so i definitely would've heard it yk??

SOOOOOO ALL IN ALL sadly it really just depends on the person i fear. but . no pain no gain okay this is what i always tell myself. you couldn't fucking pay me to take them out rn btw i had to do that when i was getting a dental xray lmao that was horrible i'm never taking them out i looked so weird and BORINGGGGG piercing are so sexy they're worth the pain (unfortunately)

[sungbeam]

𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 — act I, scene ii

nonidol!hwang intak x f!reader

when summit poster boy hwang intak's car breaks down in the school parking lot, it sets off a chain of events that leads to you, someone he was perhaps always meant to find. the only problem is that the two of you are far from the ideal couple, and your peers are apt to keep that status quo.

▷ genre, chapter warnings. s2f2l, grief and mentions of death and terminal illness, classism and discrimination, forbidden romance au, minimal swearing, angst, humor

▷ word count. 2.3k

« prev · m.list · next »

a/n: there's quite a bit of texting in this one so i apologize 😭

SUMMER (RISING JUNIORS).

INTAK wasn't one to give up easily. A couple weeks after school had been dismissed for the much-anticipated summer break, he was still in town while the rest of his friends were off traveling the world with their families. His dad had left the house early, as per usual, to head to the company building for work, so he enjoyed the serenity of an empty house as he took his time rolling out of bed and making himself breakfast.

As he sat on one of the breakfast bar stools in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal before him, he pulled out his brother's phone and opened up one of the text threads. The last thing he had texted Yn was about properly working out a stain—he'd received a very (albeit amusing) passionate lecture from her about drinking or consuming anything in the car, because if he spilled anything on the seats, she would risk her own identity to come and beat him up.

He'd had a very good laugh at that.

jae's phone: bored

Not even a minute later, he received a reply.

yer a wizard yn!: why r u still using his phone?

jae's phone: well do u want someone to find your contact on *my* phone, miss secrecy?

yer a wizard yn!: fair enough

jae's phone: hey how old r u

yer a wizard yn!: wow it never occurred to u that i could just be some old pervert?

jae's phone: r u??

yer a wizard yn!: lucky for u, no

jae's phone: lucky for me? 👀

jae's phone: before u virtually threaten to hit me again

jae's phone: r u my brother's age then? u must be

yer a wizard yn!: nope

jae's phone: my age then? idk if u know my age actually

yer a wizard yn!: am i 5 years old? no

jae's phone: i will , hit u

yer a wizard yn!: LMAO

In spite of his texts, Intak laughed down at the counter and set aside the phone for a second so he could spoon some more of the sweet cereal milk into his mouth. He and this Yn person had been trading texts these past couple of weeks. All of the conversations had been brief and harmless at most; it was all just his attempts at holding a conversation while Yn deflected anything that would expose who she was. Except for this conversation and their first one, he had no inkling of her identity.

yer a wizard yn!: okay, fine yes, i'm ur age i think

yer a wizard yn!: at least that's what jae said

Intak leaned into the conversation. Do u go to the academy too?

yer a wizard yn!: my friends say that's confidential

jae's phone: ur friends knew my brother too??

yer a wizard yn!: mhm

jae's phone: okay well,,, wait tf they're READING THESE??

He could hear her laughing at him now, even if he didn't know what her laugh sounded like. Did Jaehyuk know all these people in secret? He felt like a right idiot now.

yer a wizard yn!: now they're not, i just shooed them away

yer a wizard yn!: i can't tell u explicitly, but if u figure it out on ur own per se,,,,

jae's phone: ahhhh i see

jae's phone: don't say anything if u go to the academy

jae's phone: LETS GOOOO !! 😩

yer a wizard yn!: u r so…

jae's phone: handsome, smart, funny, etc lots to choose from

yer a wizard yn!: *crickets*

jae's phone: rude 😔

jae's phone: doing anything for the summer?

yer a wizard yn!: nah just working and hanging out w friends. u?

jae's phone: ignoring my responsibilities lol

It wasn't exactly a lie. After Jaehyuk had passed away, his father had made it incredibly clear that Intak was now to step into his shoes. No more second child privileges. Plus, how could he find the energy to get away when that was all he did last summer to forget the pain of Jaehyuk leaving?

yer a wizard yn!: once when jae (well ig *you*) and his family went on vacation, he left the car w me. it was kind of weird having that thing just sitting in my garage

jae's phone: really? huh. what year was that

yer a wizard yn!: i think he said u guys were going to jeju or sumn

Ah, that must have been the last vacation Intak could remember enjoying with Jae.

jae's phone: oh yeah, i remember that holiday

jae's phone: he must've really trusted u then

yer a wizard yn!: yeah ig so… couldn’t even drive it then, so maybe that’s why lol

Minutes passed of silence in the text chain. Intak wanted to know what she was thinking on the other side of the phone, if she was even as sad as he was. He'd figured out that his brother and Yn had been really close, so she must have gone through some type of grieving process like he had? He didn't know anyone else as heartbroken as he was. His dad didn't really care, only that his number one heir was now six feet under. Intak was still bitter that his father didn't even stay after the funeral, but he supposed everyone grieved in different ways.

Intak picked up the phone again and began typing. My brother didn't trust a lot of people, he admitted. Idk why I feel the need to but thanks for being there for him.

yer a wizard yn!: wish i had been there for him better to be honest

Yeah, that one hurt. I get that. I blame myself too.

yer a wizard yn!: ur brother loved u a lot tho, intak. that's why he left u the car

yer a wizard yn!: it was something to remember him by

Intak swiped at the warm tears trailing down his face. He wished he didn't have the dumb car. He wished his brother was here instead.

yer a wizard yn!: i'm sorry if i made u upset, but just remember that he loved u so much

yer a wizard yn!: if u ever need someone to talk to who knew him as u did or close to how u did, then come find me

jae's phone: thanks yn

jae's phone: i wish he had trusted me enough to introduce me to u tbh

Somehow, she had figured out that he wasn't saying this as a joke like all the other times.

yer a wizard yn!: he did trust u. he was just trying to protect me

jae's phone: it worries me when u say that

yer a wizard yn!: it's okay just,,, forget i said anything

As if he could just forget that speaking to her could jeopardize her. He didn't even know how this could get her in trouble, if he was interpreting what she was saying correctly. If only Jae had left him a note explaining who Yn was, but he supposed it wasn't … safe to?

jae's phone: how did my brother even find u lol

Great segue, he shoveled a spoon of cereal into his mouth so he didn't have to look at his gross attempt at a subject change.

yer a wizard yn!: strangely enough, just like this

jae's phone: ??

yer a wizard yn!: he texted my number thinking it was this auto repair helpline he found online w his problems and i fixed his car haha

jae's phone: oh yo that's kinda cool tho

yer a wizard yn!: ur both really bad w cars

jae's phone: oUT OF POCKET 😭

jae's phone: wait so u go to the academy

yer a wizard yn!: bye intak

jae's phone: NOOOO WAIT COME BACCCK

It was late, that much he knew, but sleep would not bless his eyes and body and mind. Intak stared up at the dark ceiling of his bedroom with moonlight streaming through the curtains by his bedside. There were too many things in his head to even think about a peaceful night of sleep.

"You could just look her up in the yearbook," he said aloud into the darkness. "But that would be invading her privacy." And Yn had made it so very clear that she was against him finding out her identity. But she had pretty much confirmed that she went to the academy, that she was in his year, and that her name was actually Yn—

Wait. Okay, so maybe she hadn't confirmed the latter yet, but Intak assumed his brother didn't make contact names that didn't make sense.

He sighed. He wished Jaehyuk could have given him some sort of sign.

Intak reached for his phone sitting on the nightstand, but instead of going to YouTube or some other streaming service he opened up her text messages.

Just as he was about to type a greeting, she beat him to it.

yer a wizard yn!: can't sleep either?

jae's phone: yeah ig not

jae's phone: wbu?

yer a wizard yn!: yeah no same

jae's phone: i wanna ask u stuff, but i don't wanna make u uncomfortable. it's not abt u personally, it's just abt ur connection w my brother. idk really

yer a wizard yn!: this is closure for u, i get it

yer a wizard yn!: ask to ur heart's content

jae's phone: did u know… that he was sick?

There was a long pause, and Intak waited patiently while laying on his side.

yer a wizard yn!: i found out really late

yer a wizard yn!: i knew something was wrong, but he was good at hiding it

yer a wizard yn!: i didn't get to say goodbye to him tho

jae's phone: i'm sorry yn

yer a wizard yn!: don't be, it's okay

yer a wizard yn!: were ur friends close to him too?

jae's phone: they thought he was cool and they got along, but they weren't super close. ig i can say ur one of the very few people who prob grieved like i did

yer a wizard yn!: that's… god, that's really sad. everyone at school liked him tho

jae's phone: tch yeah, but yk our school's full of fake shitheads

yer a wizard yn!: yeah fs… i think ur wrong in one aspect tho

jae's phone: what's that?

yer a wizard yn!: *grieves not grieved, i think we're both still grieving

jae's phone: would u be uncomfortable if i sent a voice message?

As soon as he sent the text, he grimaced. Oh no, he was going to be faced with immediate rejection. Intak scrambled onto his stomach and elbows to get in a better position to text faster and beat the three moving dots at the bottom of the screen.

yer a wizard yn!: sure go ahead

jae's phone: WAITWAIT

He wanted to slap himself.

jae's phone: okay uhm gimme a second

jae's phone: didn't actually think u would agree

Good going, idiot. Now what?

Intak sat up against his headboard. He didn't know why he asked in the first place, but maybe he just wanted to voice his thoughts aloud for once. He licked his lips, gathered his thoughts—

"Hey—" he cleared his throat, coughing and wishing he didn't just voice crack. "Sorry, hi. I thought this was gonna be a lot less awkward, but here goes nothing." He paused, then continued on, "Do you ever… miss him? Just miss him a lot. Sometimes I watch movies and they're always like—sometimes I feel them sitting next to me or hear their laughter—and I don't. I don't feel him next to me, I don't hear his voice or his laugh, Yn. I wish I did though. I wish I could miss him like that. Do you think it would hurt less if I did?"

Intak hit the send button, then exited out of the app so he could look for the right kind of music to listen to. The room was just too quiet right now.

To his surprise, when she replied, it was not in the form of a text message, but in the form of her own voice message. He was about to hear her voice. That had to mean something right?

"Hey Intak." His heart thumped. Woah… "Yeah, I was unsure of replying in a voice message, but I thought it was fair. Don't worry; I've gaslit myself enough to feel comfortable," she laughed to herself. "That was a joke, by the way. Yeah, I laugh at my own jokes."

Intak snorted.

The sound of laughter faded slightly as she continued on though. "Yeah, I miss him a lot. I think… I think this past year, I've been trying to ignore the fact that I miss him, but I do. When I saw the convertible steaming that one day, I just couldn't stop myself from texting his number, I guess. Force of habit. I don't really feel those sensations either, but I don't think it would hurt any less if you did feel that way. I think any way you grieve is valid, really." Her voice went quiet at the end. "You're not alone, y'know?"

His cheeks were warm again and his breathing trembled. Intak hugged his knees to his chest, wondering why his head hurt when he was crying, but maybe it was because he had not cried fully in a long time. He sniffled, collecting himself to reply.

"Thanks Yn," he said, voice slightly hoarse from his crying. "You have a nice voice, by the way." Nice was an understatement. His heart was beating a little too fast at the moment.

She replied with, "Thanks Intak. You, too."

jae's phone: u said ur friends knew him too

jae's phone: were they close?

yer a wizard yn!: yeah, i'd say they had gotten to know him almost as well as i did. they hung out w us at the garage

jae's phone: like an auto repair shop?

yer a wizard yn!: yeah

jae's phone: this feels illegal to know

yer a wizard yn!: maybe u deserve a taste of the forbidden for once tho

And for some reason, that engraved itself in his head and right above his heart. He wouldn't know that from here on out, he would wear that phrase like a crown.

« prev · m.list · next »

permanent taglist: @flwoie @vatterie @seomisaho @hqrana @ja4hyvn @kaaimins @shakalakaboomboo @sodafy @leaz-kpop-life @pxppxrminty @fluorescentloves @mosviqu @haechansbbg @kflixnet

[purplesurveys]

1926

When did you last drink coffee?  I haven't had any today yet but I am going to my uncle's later for a bit of a coffee-tasting session, so that'll be fun.

When did you last cry? And why, if you feel like sharing.  Two Thursdays ago. It was just one stressful situation after another at work, and while that was happening on its own it was also a day where I seemed to be everywhere doing everything but also nothing seemed to get done / I was only meet with criticisms. At the end of the day when it was just myself and Dev left in the office I finally put my hands to my face and cried.

What was the last beach you visited and when?  The last beach I was in the ~general vicinity of was My Khe in Vietnam but I didn't venture any nearer. The weather was horrible when we went and I knew it was going to 100% ruin my mood if I walked under the sun for anything longer than 5 minutes.

What book do you plan to read next?  I'm reading three books at the same time because all excite me so much I take turns among them hahaha -- they're all books that house a collection of history essays, which explains why I can easily switch from one to another.

For anyone curious, the books are:

Tikim by Doreen Fernandez

One of the Looking Back books by Ambeth Ocampo

Cabinet of Curiosities by Ambeth Ocampo

What fictional character/s remind you of yourself?  Monica Geller except for the fact that I can't cook.

What's in your fridge right now? List as many things as you can think of.  Coffee cake, pizza, eggs, a bunch of condiments I don't feel like enumerating one by one because There Is A Lot, butter, cheese, some veggies, whipped cream, pitchers of iced tea and water, a carton of almond milk for me, a handful of tumblers, the dogs' food. I'm sure I'm missing a few others but this should give a good picture.

If you could have any artist, living or dead, paint your portrait, who would it be?  Monet.

Do you smell anything in particular right now? The ocean scent my reed diffuser is supposed to be, well, diffusing.

Do you make enough money to live comfortably? [can be in combination with a spouse]  Assuming this means living alone comfortably: Live within the threshold of acceptability, yes. Live comfortably, probably not.

What is one thing you like about your appearance? Don’t say nothing!  I like the dimple that shows up when I smile.

What would you like to tell your father?  I'm tired again and I wish I can find the strength to leave. But I'll try to be better soon and hopefully you'll be even more proud of me then.

What would you like to tell your mother? You make good arancini and I wish you could make it again hehe.

Whose was the last wedding you went to? I haven't been to a wedding since '07, for an aunt and uncle lol.

What is your greatest fear?  Losing a loved one. I don't do well with grief.

What is a chronic health issue you deal with, even if it’s minor? Scoliosis.

What was your college major? If applicable.  Journalism.

What new place have you been to recently?  I went to this membership club thingy in Makati for an event.

What are you a geek about?  Wrestling history.

What is something you have no patience for?  Crying babies, screaming toddlers, and disrespectful kids.

What celebrity would you want to go out for a meal/drinks with? Kate Winslet just because I'd know it'd feel normal and not pressuring at all and that she'd be in Cool Mom mode the whole time lol.

Are you happy with your weight?  Yes. My mom called me fat the other night and while it personally stung knowing what Filipinos mean when they use the word fat (i.e. they purposely want to make you feel degraded. Gen X and Boomer Filipinos are really strange in that regard), I realize in the grand scheme of things I really shouldn't care. I'm like a hundred pounds flat and my arms are just no longer bones lmao. Where I am now is so much better than before when I literally looked 16.

When did you last hold a baby, if ever? Whose?  I don't know. I think my cousin Cholo when he was a few weeks old? This was in 2007.

How many cats do you have?  One on earth, Max; two in pet heaven, Arlee and Miki.

How many dogs do you have?  Two on earth, Cooper and Agi; one in pet heaven, Kimi.

How many other pets do you have? We just have the three now.

How old were you when you got your driver’s license?  18.

What year did you graduate high school?  2016.

What is the first number of your zip code?  Nope.

How many of your grandparents are still alive?  Three.

What is your favorite number?  7.

How many kids do you want?  Zero.

How many apartments have you lived in?  Zero.

What age do people say you look?  I don't usually get a number per se but people are just generally surprised and say they didn't expect me to look so young.

Do you feel like your family accepts you for who you are?  I know my sister does. I'm elusive to everyone else because I know they have the potential to get all judgy.

Do you feel like your friends accept you for who you are?  Yes.

Who is the best doctor you’ve ever had?  I've never been to the same doctor more than once, apart from my dentist.

Have you ever been flipped off by a random stranger?  I don't think so.

Do you have a lot of people blocked on Facebook?  Probably, but absolutely nowhere near as many as on Twitter.

Do you consider yourself spiritual?  No.

Do you consider yourself religious?  No.

Are you afraid of spiders?  Little bit, yeah.

Are you afraid of snakes?  If they're venomous.

Does everyone in your family know your sexual orientation?  I don't even know mine.

What is one thing you find offensive?  I'm extremely sensitive about Southeast Asian racism because there's so fucking much of it as it is, even from fellow Asians.

Do you often post about politics on social media?  I do if I have to.

Would you ever want to go back to school?  I'd love to take a course simply for leisure learning, but because they all require theses and all I don't really plan on pursuing further studies haha.

What are three things you are naturally good at?  Writing, table tennis, small talk but only if the person can small talk back. I do not bother if they only give one-word answers lol.

What are three things you are NOT naturally good at?  Cooking, sewing, drawing.

Is your dream to get married and have kids?  No and no.

Where do you hang your towel to dry after showering?  Above the shower door.

If you were the opposite sex, how would you style your hair?  I wish boy-me could pull off Jungkook's bob cut. That man's babygirl era felt like a fever dream and I was so bummed when it ended :')

Last person you hugged?  Maybe Angela?

How is the weather right now?  31C.

Are you missing someone?  My dad, but that's a constant feeling.

What is the wallpaper on your cell phone?  Namjoon's my lockscreen and the whole gang of 7 is my home screen.

What do you have handy at your bedside?  Katinko, a notepad, a few pens.

What is your dad's middle name? Nope.

What is your mom's middle name?  Nopes.

First thing you'll save in a fire?  Phone in pocket then rush to get all the animals.

[laf-outloud]

If the choice was no reboot or a Dean-centric one, I'd choose no reboot.

Not even the opportunity to see Jensen dressed up like he's aiming for the cover of Fisherman's Friend Magazine again could tempt me.

I'd go so far as to say that even if it were a Sam-centric reboot, I'd still choose no reboot, unless it introduces new characters and leads into a good spinoff with brand new stories to tell. With just Sam and Dean, there are no new stories left. We know how they lived, we know how they died, they fought gods, monsters, and each other, they overcame everything (except the codependency), and basically fulfilled their life journeys, I don't need to see anything else.

Also... LMAO at the Fisherman's Friend! But could you imagine the grief Sam would give Dean if he showed up dressed like that?

[vtforpedro]

long life update - TWs in tags

It feels like it's been ages. I'm so exhausted and in a lot of physical pain. Going on two months of it being the worst it's been right after a couple of months of the best it's been. Chronic pain + grief + trying to get help from doctors who should have their licenses revoked + dealing with a shit relationship with my mom + a good, decades-long friendship ending + the ongoing disability process with the SSA + LAW FIRMS.

I'm so fucking tired. I don't remember if I updated that the appeals council decided not to review my case because the 'judge followed the law' except that he didn't. So, as it turns out, my original attorney (and he did not tell me this) before he left, wrote that if they denied me, it should go to federal district court.

I'm now working with a NY law firm to take my case to federal court because my current law firm believes it has merit, and I guess they do, too. That's how fucked the decision was, and I'm glad my initial reaction of bewilderment and anger was spot on lol

The good news is, it should only take another year! ._.

My neurologist is the worst doctor I have ever come across and I'm quite literally stuck with him with nowhere else to go. I wish him upon no one. I'm so tired of calling the SSA, getting documents to them, signing things for law firms, contacting law firms, getting no responses, and contacting them all over and over again. I am in incredible physical pain, like this actively makes my neuro stuff worse. Everything makes it worse. I have autonomic testing in a few days, and idk if I'll get through it b/c I have to stop the meds that keep me out of the ER two days prior, and it scares me.

My relationship with my mom is fractured and I don't feel like family therapy is actually helping. I had to end a friendship with someone I love and care very much about but who was growing too comfortable mistreating me and I was giving them too many passes 😞 I've known them for the better part of two decades.

It's been over seven months since my cat Isis died. I don't know how. It feels like she was here just yesterday. Yet, all the nights I've sat and talked to her and wept are all too real. I miss her more than I can say. She was my soul cat. I keep thinking about tomorrow and how she'd be so nosy getting into EVERYthing when gifts are opened at Christmas. Having to stop her, move her, laugh because she was just so n o s y and it was hilarious. And she's not gonna be here for that ever again.

I'm having a really fucking hard time tonight. It's just hitting me how god-awful this year has been and how I have a bad week to look forward to before even getting to the new year lmao I have to stop taking so many of my medications 48hrs before 1.5-2hrs of testing to see if we can find out Yet Another Thing Wrong With Me but knowing my luck it'll be 'no findings' and the mystery of why my core body temp plummets to 93.9 in the blink of an eye won't be solved until I have suffered juuuuust enough.

It never ends. Never. I want to give up. I'm so tired of doing this. I don't want to anymore. It never. fucking. ends.

I absolutely cannot say it's all been bad, though. I've met incredible, warm, welcoming, giving, kind people this year. Y'all have helped me more than you know and I'm so so so lucky to be able to call you my friends. This year has sucked for so many of us, but I want to say I'm proud of you, and I love you all very much.

My fic is gonna be printed in a hardcover zine early next year. I participated in a Big Bang for the first time and that'll also go out early next year. I'm hosting a tiny event in my tiny fandom server that I'm super excited about. I have a raffle prize to write (bagginshield !!!! SO EXCITED to revisit the og otp) and a Valentine's gift to write for another fandom.

I posted 401,000 words this year and wrote many more unfinished wips, plus a long one (90k) that I am very invested in finishing.

I painted and drew so much this year. I improved a lot, too! I got a couple of portraits printed from inprnt to see how they looked, and it was MY art, and they were GORGEOUS. I thought I would hate seeing my art professionally printed, but no! I almost cried. They looked so lovely.

My cat Lilly had health issues almost immediately following Isis's passing, but she is doing so well right now. She's blossomed into another cat, and while she's not my constant companion, she is with me so much more than she used to be. When she walks onto my desk I am to stop everything and hold her like baby in my arms until she decides that's enough (or I really need to move) lmaaao she's such a goober. My heart cat. <3

I'm not doing well right now--my MH is bad. Especially tonight. But it felt good to write the good things.

I'm sorry for my lack of replies and kinda disappearing. I'm running on fumes. I hope next year will bring physical relief so emotional relief can happen.

For those of you facing difficulties of any kind, I am holding your hand in spirit.

[kmclaude]

how do you think Tiefer would react to meeting a version of him from a universe were he resisted becoming an abuser, stopped that cycle before inflicting abuse on Jehan? Maybe in hell he's forced to meet this version of him that could have been

hmmm I think I've answered something similar so apologies if what i say completely contradicts what i've said (my memory is scattered. except for the horny stuff, i remember the horny stuff lmao)

Grief, denial, then rage most likely -- and ultimately a sort of resigned disgust. it would also depend on where he is, emotionally, you know? like...hmm...i don't think he would buy it, you feel? so Tiefer knows it was a choice. he knows. he made a choice. he can say he was doomed to or that he was driven to it or that he was set up to fail by the hand he was dealt -- and maybe that's true -- but he still chose. and i think that for him...the person he is would always make that choice. maybe regret it faster. maybe not be as awful. maybe do some things over. but. but. he would always choose, given the circumstances. so to see something with his face that chose not to...either that thing had to have suicided the second it truly considered choosing as he had (in which case so you would have, so you wanted to, so you're just as bad) to avoid actually doing or the right (wrong) circumstances just must not have happened (yet) for it to reach that point. but they could. and he would. because that's who he is.

so he wouldn't register this thing as him -- even if it is the shadows of things May have been only (rather than shadows of the things that Would have been), i don't think it would register for him.

or rather.

his ego would not be able to cope with that: that he could have been good like he had been, like Jehan had thought him, like Agnes still thought him, like Nathan had always thought him to be.

[sleepymrshmllow]

my sister and i finally watched eternals (obviously lol) and I think that concludes us binging some of barry keoghan's filmography (for now) ✨️

final(?) ratings + ranking:

Saltburn 10/10 (perfect film no notes /hj. I love this fucking movie so much and its quickly become a comfort film for me ♡ gorgeous cinematography, perfectly cast and impeccable performances by the entire cast! they nailed the mid 2000s feel. amazing soundtrack and ost. the queer subtext/tone, the vampire imagery, the metaphors and exploration of deep carnal desire, oliver domming his way to the top? all just *mwah* perfection. im not very good with words lol but basically this movie slaps and its required viewing imo)

The Banshees of Inisherin 9/10 (the trailer didn't do this film justice and I enjoyed it so much more than I expected. incredible film!! the characters were so well done and every actor in this movie did an amazing job (especially colin farrell, kerry condon, brendan gleeson, and barry ofc). I highly highly recommend this one if you haven't seen it ♡ the cinematography is beautifully done as well and goshh the location is breathtaking. one of my new favorite films ♡)

Mammal (2016) 8/10 (this film surprised me! when I read the synopsis I really didn't think I'd come out enjoying this movie as much as I did. it does a really good job with its characters and the complicated relationships between them. great performances and a very interesting and at times uncomfortable exploration of loss and grief. recommend this one! but definitely look into CWs before viewing)

Light Thereafter 8/10 (my favorite of barry's performances after oliver/saltburn. it didn't even feel like I was watching barry play a character, pavel felt like a real person and barry was just!! so incredible in this film and i loved getting to know pavel sm (his passion for art, his stims, the way he enjoys touch and textures :') ) and i was sad when it ended.)

The Killing of A Sacred Deer 7.5/10 (if you enjoyed saltburn, I definitely recommend this one! weird ass film (affectionate) and martin was a strangely endearing character to me lol i dont want to say too too much, you should watch it for yourself! 🍝)

Calm With Horses 7/10 (blonde barry keoghan was a major serve lol no but good film!! sad, but definitely worth watching. not too much to say about this one, but I enjoyed the characters (dymphna the most tho))

Eternals 6/10 (it was pretty enjoyable! the characters definitely carried this film over the plot itself (except ikaris.. I really didn't care for him at all lol). the cgi was a bit distracting and I wish there was a little more show dont tell and that certain scenes/plot points were done better/explored further BUT still entertaining and doesn't deserve the hate it gets imo!)

American Animals 6/10 (slightly disappointing but still worth a watch! evan peters carried imo)

Stalker (2012) 5.5/10 (so weird but also iconic?? worth watching at least once lmao)

Dunkirk 7/10 (objectively great film, but I just don't care for war movies im sorry 😩 soundtrack was actually so incredible tho)

Stay 4.5/10 (it was fine, it just wasn't very interesting)

and a bonus character ranking for fun ♡

Oliver Quick

Dominic Kearney

Pavel

Joe

Martin Lang

Dymphna Devers

Druig

Tommy Valentine

George Mills

Spencer Reinhard

Sean

[milfhandholder]

Random Grell thingz I've accumulated in my head bcs I'm delusional but without context bcs I am going to write a legit novel abt this woman one day

Idc what anyone says, I am an avid believer of the fact that Grell has always been considered beautiful by her peers even in her human life

LIKE SHE'S THE MOST SOUGHT AFTER SUITOR OF HER SEASON, SHE WAS AN IT GIRL BEFORE THEY KNEW WHAT AN IT GIRL IS

She's so beautiful that the Victorians could've started kpop PC first bcs of her and trade them like actual kpoppers

Grell always knew about her being queer (minus actual label bcs Victorian era duh) but not about her gender

"Wait so you people don't fantasize about having boobs? Not at all? No?"

It was maybe 6 years into her reaper life when she finally got the memo that "hey girlie, you're actually a girl"

Her crisis went a bit like this: straight man -> gay man?? -> 'oh no I like girls too' bi man -> died LMAO -> 'I hate everyone and I hate my gender' questioning -> 'maybe I have no gender at all. I like girls though' (she was exclusive to girls only so I guess??lesbian?? Who cheered) -> transwoman questioning -> !! transwoman bi !!

Was in a 'lavender marriage' with a closeted lesbian for maybe 2 - 3 years before her suicide. Grell sort of fell in love with her but understandably never confessed. Fast forward to present time AND GRELL IS HITTING THE FLOOR, SCREAMING, CRYING

She had a lot of rage as a young reaper because she never really got over 'my parents suck' mindset that stood by her as she died

HATED WILLIAM. As much as I love the OVA, I will stand by my words that it would’ve been so much more interesting if Grell buried / was embarassed about her crush and acted like a dick towards him BECAUSE WHY, OF ALL THE MEN IN DISPATCH, DID IT HAVE TO BE WILLIAM T SPEARS

Mellowed out eventually and cool character development happened

Has more experience with and confidence in dating girls, she's very anxious (and perhaps frightful) about men reciprocating her advances

Being made "an experience" does that to you

Fun fact: she's the first and only woman William ever had a crush on. Good taste dude

She was projecting her ex wife A LOT onto Madam but it's ok bcs it was vice versa you see, Madam projected too BUT THEN THESE BITCHES TALKED IT OUT and everything is all ok and cool and OH GOD GRELL NOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭

Speaks German and French, is the go to translator for German Dispatch businesses until Ludger (and eventually Sascha joined in as a bonus and a translator) was forced to sharpen his English

Now for the E discourse.... someone made a typo one day and she went with it

Grell: You see, when you go to France, they make you get a name in French. That's why I can go by Grell Sutcliff or Grelle Sutcliffe

Ron, an idiot who has never been anywhere except his hometown: oh shit fr??

Eric's her first ACTUAL reaper friend which is sad ngl LMAOOO

Firm believer that the reapers have mentorships for gifted students that started in Ron's year and that Grell was her mentor READ MY RON FIC, IM OBSESSED WITH THEM

Mentoring Ron (aka a few years before Jack the Ripper) was the moment where she was the healthiest, mentally

Then she divorced Madam, had a falling out with William and oops she regressed el em ao. Don't tell any of her friends though, they'd start annoying her to get better

People older and the same age as her are wildly terrified of her. This is in contrast to (most) juniors who are so in love with the idea of her

Harbors a lot of guilt, grief, rage, anger, jealousy, insecurity, narcissism, etc. She's just a good actress

Her butler persona was her mocking three people at once: her father's (brunette) appearance, her mother's wish for Grell to be more obedient, and Grell's old self that let people walk all over her for the sake of maintaining her family name

Her family is rich rich though she can't remember for what. She doesn't really care eitherway so

Can be very insensitive!! It doesn't help that she's friends with people who'd give the same energy back (Eric and Othello) or people who just don't care enough (William)

She learned how to hold her tongue when she realized Ron was genuinely upset with her rude comments. Ironically, Ron learned how to have thicker skin because of said comments

Likes dogs, sorry Sebastian

Good at fencing! Not much else in other sports!!

She hates sports sm, they make her sweat and they are tedious and they're exhausting and THEY'RE BORING

The only ranged weapon she'd try out is a gun.

She's no wuss

Yeah that's all that I can think of lmao

[crehador]

quickfire thoughts on fall 2023 now that everything i'm watching has had at least three eps out

EXCELLENT

sousou no frieren: still very easily anime of the season, beautiful in visuals and in story. a quiet, subtle look at loss and grief, and life continuing beyond that. the structure is working perfectly imo, it never feels like there are too many or not enough flashbacks, i feel connected at all times to both the present day party and the himmel-era party

migi to dali: still doing an exceptional job of balancing creepy and funny, i said before that the only thing i can think of with a remotely similar vibe is the movie hot fuzz and while i think there's a different flavor of comedy here, i still stand by that (and that's a compliment bc hot fuzz is an excellent movie)

kamonohashi ron no kindan suiri: although i wouldn't say this is mind-blowingly outstanding in any single way, it's very well-done in just about every conceivable way and comes together as an extremely solid series

BORDERLINE EXCELLENT

overtake: after four episodes i'm so tempted to put it with the 'excellent' shows but have to admit it's just not objectively on that level, it is subjectively one of my current favorites of the season though. silly at times, fairly simple story, but really effectively done so far

ADORABLE

s rank musume: feel like this one is largely going to slip through the cracks because it looks like your typical fantasy-action/adventure series, but doesn't stand out in that genre. the cute/soothing family moments are what stand out to me, but understandably that's not what most viewers of the genre are looking for. remains to be seen if a more action-y plot will build up, have doubts about how effective that will be

yuzuki-san chi no yon kyoudai: VERY CUTE with some very real moments and struggles, the cr subs debacle in the first ep however did it no favors

atarashii joushi wa dotennen: VERY CUTE i almost wish they'd cast literally anyone except umechan for shirosaki bc with him the similarities to cool doji danshi are just too much lmao however umechan is in fact perfect for this character so why not let him play it twice i guess

hoshikuzu telepath: moe yuri that isn't afraid to say rocket science is for autistic lesbians, what could be better?

wataoshi: YURI OF THE SEASON SORRY HOSHIKUZU TELEPATH HERE'S SOMETHING THAT COULD BE BETTER i actually would put these two on a similar tier but wataoshi gets the edge for me because rae is so unapologetically, exuberantly gay and that is just so nice to see

SEQUELS

houkago shounen hanako-kun: tragically only four half-length episodes but it's nice to see these kids again, ogata megumi's hanako voice just hits in a way the jjk yuuta voice doesn't, for me, so very glad to hear it again

arknights s2: i'm liking the art even more than i did in s1? not sure if it's actually changed/improved, and imo s1 was already good, but anyway just really enjoying seeing all the faves moving and speaking!

spy x family s2: still cute of course what more can i say

b-project s3: MAN I'M TORN i don't dislike this season (we are getting so many kitakore shots) but i am so stressed out for tsubasa and i just want to see her catch a break! i'm sure the season will end in an uplifting way, but all the stress she's under right now makes me want to punch things

dead mount death play s2: it was good and is somehow still getting better, s2e3 which just came out is one of the best yet imo

GOOD FOR THE ACTION BUT NOT TERRIBLY MUCH ELSE

undead unluck: i kind of... don't like anyone here lmao but the over-the-top, high-octane action is not badly animated, it's just not gripping me on any level beyond that. it does however have the op of the season

ragna crimson: again it's failing to get me really invested in the story/characters but the action is not bad i guess, cast for this one is absurdly stacked so i'm not going anywhere

shangri-la frontier: this one's doing a GREAT job with its pacing and action imo, it's introducing the game mechanics in a way that doesn't feel too fast or too slow. only issue is there really... doesn't seem to be any stakes? like at all? which is not a problem for me personally, it just feels a bit like we're waiting for another shoe to drop

WATCHABLE BUT...

bullbuster: i'm kind of vibing with this after three episodes but i really can't imagine it finding an audience, it's not mech enough to really appeal to mech fans and it's not... typical office drama enough to appeal to typical office fans. it's a strange little combo that just happens to work for me, personally

NOT GOOD BUT I LOVE IT

kawagoe boys sing: this is a ridiculous series, i would say not as wild as number24 but kind of getting there. like number24 but more vanilla, less homoerotic. i loved number24 and I'M LOVING THIS TOO there are some genuinely interesting characters already and though i still currently want to punt kick that teacher into the sun i remain cautiously optimistic that he'll see some character development. at some point. maybe

NOT GOOD. JUST NOT GOOD. SORRY.

bokura no ameiro protocol: really feels like some late-2000s/early-2010s male wish fulfillment dramedy. lots of weird and unnecessary het nonsense going on. honestly would consider dropping if it were 24 episodes but since it's only 12 i guess i'll stick it out. for kimuryo. who is unfortunately playing such a rancid character