#except for the fact that of course i compare him to other people's ocs and ofc he's not gonna measure up

[vagueiish]

i wanna go back to doing things with my boy oliver but there's this mental block i keep running up against and it's a struggle to even daydream scenarios involving him :/ but i miss him

[outeremissary]

2, 8, 10 and 11 for Balthazar?

sorry this took so long I accidentally deleted half of it while writing it yesterday. pain. Anyway thank you for the ask, I have put my Enormous Essay under the cut. And I am so sorry if on some platforms the formatting of the images loads fucked up I've given up on that. Tumblr hates me and wants my post to take up the entire dash and then some

[prompt list]

2) Who's your OCs best friend? How did they become best friends?

I feel like I don't do enough with this in a lot of my doodle posting just because I actively dislike using the black pencil because it smudges like a bitch, but that would be Jaethal! They have similar outlooks on life in many ways- the cold pragmatism, self serving hedonism, and general disdain with the place they find themselves in makes them get along fairly well. Balthazar has a lot of respect for her and values her counsel; she sees him as a reasonably sensible person in most matters who is, at the very least, very much on her wavelength.

I guess the becoming is the more interesting question considering the fact that neither is a person who's particularly eager to invite others in. Part of it is just long exposure. Spending a lot of time wandering around and becoming familiar with other people builds a sense of rapport and gives a lot of time to get a sense of who's agreeable to you and who isn't. But that's accelerated in my eyes by Jaethal being able to pretty effectively see through Balthazar's facades. His benevolence and his gradiosity are convincing performances, but only performances- and under that the ambition and the calculation are clear. He's something interesting to watch and feel out. And he's responsive to attempts to tease out the motive, and quick to try to build a bridge when discovered by someone who so proudly displays the spirit he hides. He shows her the respect she believes she is due and shows it genuinely; she recognizes his real character without exposing it in return. I think they build trust in one another fairly early as kindred spirits and allies in pursuing their separate goals.

8) What hobbies does your OC have? What do they do to unwind?

He enjoys learning new things relevant to his interests, games of strategy and social maneuvering, and keeping up with fashion trends and collecting bits and pieces of his wardrobe. On the social side he often enjoys engaging in a bit of frivolous debate and while he wouldn't consider it a hobby per se does enjoy going out dancing.

When it comes to completely relaxing, he prefers to be alone. Taking a long, hot bath is a favorite activity, and the privacy his noble status can afford him is a welcome novelty compared to the public bathhouses of his youth. He likes to take time to read, and just generally to be away from others and not in a state of managing his performance. And of course there are the often less solitary time honored traditions of drinking or sex.

While he wouldn't see it as worth mentioning, he's someone who also engages in people watching when able to be inconspicuous- there's an idle entertainment to seeing others go about their little lives. And in Absalom he enjoyed watching kites.

10) How does your OC handle their mental health? Do they take care of themselves?

Balthazar handles mental health by simply never having issues ever! *checks notes* Wait, it looks like that's wrong. By repressing fucking everything except a sense of smoldering retributive anger and never showing vulnerability to anyone. He's a very "catharsis in vengeance" kind of person; while he's not exactly devout, the self-centered justice has contributed to him being an irregular of Calistria's faith. He's good at sorting his problems into "things I can get even with" and "things I can't do anything about" and pouring a lot of energy into plotting against the first while burying the second. He's good at multi year campaigns to ruin someone who made him feel humiliated, but he refuses to acknowledge his mother even exists. There's nothing to be done about that abandonment or what it did to his father. So it doesn't exist! It's easier to pretend that's just a blank space in his life.

When confronted with something that's impossible to avoid and impossible to affect he tends to break down. Despair seeps in. He's not someone who's able to be vulnerable in front of others, so he tries to act as if nothing is wrong before retreating as far from public life as possible. And he's prone to lashing out at people who try to help him, as well as just fruitlessly lashing at the problem in general. Deceit and avoidance being first lines of defense often make problems worse, but he's not eager to change for that.

As for taking care of himself... he feels that he does. He indulges in what feels good whenever he can, he props himself up to feel powerful, he takes petty vengeance on others and pays forward the ill done to him. It feels good. Like being a problem solver, like not being denied. And what he does to soothe himself makes him feel like he's in control of his life.

Anyway I'm not sure I've ever created a character with Good Well Adjusted coping mechanisms

11) What was your inspiration for your OC?

Uhhhhhhhhh. So like, flashback to 2016 where for Reasons I was creating an evil god demon-y fallen angel-y kind of character who was the proto-Balthazar. My original thesis with this Funny Joke Character was a character made of stereotypical fandom bait traits for the kinds of fandoms I'd been in (mostly anime), which meant a mysterious, androgynous, ambiguously queer pretty boy who behaved like he knew more than anyone else in the room and was a master manipulator. I've never actually been able to pin down a specific point of inspiration for Balthazar, but he's very much based on an archetype that you get a feel for watching a bunch of anime (or did in the mid 2010s watching a bunch of anime). I think if you wanted examples that were probably especially influential, a sampling of that list would look something like what's below, the true TLDR section.

Breaking with the archetype a little immediately with a lady inspiration just because I absolutely know she was in my mind- Takano Miyo from Higurashi no Naku Koro ni. And when I say "she was in my mind" I mean "originally Balthazar looked like a flat chested Takano when first conceived." Little of that remains, but Higurashi was like. A primordial weeb influence for me. I was first exposed to the series at age 13 and Takano was one of the first examples I saw of a character who seemed very kind and ordinary but was actually quite callous and even cruel. She had this sleepy, nonthreatening softness to her that stuck in my mind. Imagine that, the visual language of a character being used to deceive. That's crazy <- 13 year old Emi

The second, which I never ever thought about consciously but feels in retrospect like he had to have been lurking somewhere at the back of my brain as one of the examples of the archetype I was most familiar with: Vincent Nightray from the manga Pandora Hearts. I was obsessed with Pandora Hearts in my early teens and I fucking hated this dude, which is a surefire way to solidify "will be into this type later" in your developing personality. Playfully malicious, totally nonthreatening compared to all the magical warriors around him, always a step ahead of the other clever planners, and someone who's constantly pushing boundaries of comfort around physical contact to the point of making your skin crawl.

Annnnnd Joshua from the DS game The World Ends With You. I don't remember if he was a conscious inspiration but I feel like at some point he must have been. Joshua is a fucking cunt. He's a condescending, teasing know it all who refuses to make genuine connections with other people and serves as a marker for the main character's growth as a person by showing all his shittiest early game traits taken further. He's also, spoilers for a nearly twenty year old game, an angel. Angel-like being. In the small scope of things, God. He treats everything around him like a game because that's what it is from his perspective. I was very fond of this treacherous God-being who stood in the middle of his own machinations for a better view. You can also see he has light white-ish hair- I feel like this prettyboy manipulator type is pretty strongly associated with blonde or white hair lmao.

I feel like Joshua's physical mannerisms were also Influential here

[highwaytothedangerzone502]

Foxtrot Alpha Alpha - Chapter 22

Pairing: Hangman x Female OC

Word Count: 3206

Warnings: Swearing, grief, death

Summary: Hangman learned his lesson a long time ago to never show his true feelings when someone's words or actions hurt him. To do so showed weakness that could be exploited, and Seresin men couldn't show weakness. Of course, there was an exception to every rule, and Jake's always came in the form of women, three in particular: his mom, Juliette Kazansky, and the girl whose name he could no longer bring himself to speak. She was the girl that got away; she was his biggest 'what if' and his biggest regret; she would forever be the ghost that haunted his dreams. Jake believed that's where she'd stay, for he would surely never see her again after what he did.

Or so he thought.

Notes: This is the sequel to India Lima Yankee; I'm using the same callsign for the Female OC as in Ghost Story because I just really like it, but they are different characters; chapters in italics are flashbacks. Also happy birthday @shanimallina87!!

Chapter Songs: State of Grace (Acoustic) Labyrinth

****

Ghost

After the catharsis of finally admitting all her troubles, concerns, and self-loathing for having felt the way she did for so long, a small weight lifted off of Ghost's shoulders. Juliette, the saving grace that she was, had listened so graciously and consoled her distraught friend when needed. She had validated the fact that Ghost had endured a severely traumatic experience, and while Ghost herself recognized this, she had never truly been able to accept it because why had no one else reacted similarly to her after enduring such a horrific event? Why had others been able to move past such awful circumstances, whereas she held onto this grudge for years?

Maybe because I technically lost two people I loved that day...

The realization did not help lessen the knot in her throat, but Raptor laying next to her with his head on her knee while she built the crib certainly eased her anxiety. Add in Juliette's uncanny ability to keep Ghost talking while avoiding any topic where Hangman would be brought up, she found herself wholly at ease again. Not long after, the first crib sat fully constructed on the girl's side of the room.

Ghost and Juliette stood, admiring their handiwork and teamwork. The latter inquired, "How long do you think this would've taken the boys?"

"Oh, at least a week. In their defense, they only had the Chinese instructions. We found the English ones. That did help."

"True, but we're not going to tell them that, are we?"

"Oh, hell no. We'll make them think we're just that good." Ghost grabbed the instructions and crumpled them up. "Hey, is my makeup okay? I'd be amazed if my earlier breakdown didn't ruin it somewhat."

Juliette studied her friend's face. "Yeah, we might want to touch up your eyeliner. It's smudged enough that the boys might question it. Come on."

The girls headed to Juliette's bathroom, the dogs on their heels. Sure enough, when Ghost caught her reflection, she grimaced at the messy eyeliner. It definitely gave away her tearful confession. Juliette dug through her makeup bag and handed Ghost her concealer and pencil liner.

"You're a lifesaver in so many ways today," Ghost said, leaning forward to apply the makeup.

"This is what friends are for. Besides, you saved mine when I passed out at the Hard Deck."

"Any of the Daggers could've done that."

"Yeah, but you kept Rooster calm at the hospital. Trust me, that's not an easy feat. He's distrusted doctors ever since they misdiagnosed his mom's cancer, and he's not trusting them with me either. Seriously, you kept him sane."

"Maverick helped."

"Maybe, but they're still working through some things, relearning each other after over ten years of not speaking," Juliette said, leaning against the counter, "I'm honestly not sure Maverick could've calmed Rooster down the way you did."

"How are they doing?"

"Compared to when the mission training started? It's a million times better. They're still working each other out, seeing how much the other wants them around, how much they can prod without pissing the other off, and it's mainly Maverick being hesitant. He doesn't want to bother Rooster and inadvertently cause him to withdraw from him, but then Rooster still knows when Maverick isn't telling him everything and starts thinking he's hiding some big secret again, and it's a... whole thing."

"Sounds like this happened recently," Ghost noted, putting away the borrowed makeup.

"This morning," Juliette confirmed, shaking her head. "Rooster thinks Maverick is hiding something because he went to the hangar without telling us like he normally does, and I agree with Rooster; I do think Mav is hiding something, but he's also a grown man who doesn't need to tell us everything. I think Rooster's paranoid that his dad's keeping another life-altering secret from him again. I'm trying to convince him that's not going to happen, but you know Rooster: once he gets an idea stuck in his head-"

"It won't go away unless he's proven firmly right or wrong."

Juliette nodded. "Exactly."

"Speaking of Rooster, has he or Hangman texted you about where they are with dinner? I'm starving," Ghost said. Her stomach growled in agreeance with uncanny timing.

"No. I should probably check on them," Juliette mused, taking out her cell phone. As if their ears had been burning, the garage door opened, followed by the irked voices of Hangman and Rooster. Sharing dubious glances, the girls went to greet them and to check what had taken so long. Upon seeing the men, it took no time to figure out why. Paint splattered their jeans and shirts and speckled their faces, hair, and Rooster's mustache.

Ghost looked them up and down in disbelief. "Did you have a fight with a paint can?" 

"Actually-" Rooster started, setting his bag of food on the counter and glaring at Hangman- "you wouldn't be far off."

"They shouldn't have had an open paint can on an unstable ladder," Hangman grumbled, setting his bag on the counter.

"You shouldn't have been near said unstable ladder!"

"It was either that or us getting barrelled into by that biker gang, and I'm choosing the damn paint, Bradshaw."

"You could've pulled us in the other direction," Rooster pointed out.

"Yeah, but it was farther. You're the one who tripped on your own damn feet and caused us to start falling in the first place."

"You're lucky they love Juliette so much; otherwise, I don't think we'd be allowed back there." Rooster turned to his fiancée and said, "We went to Home Depot to get them a new can of paint, and it was a bitch to find. That's what took so long. I'm sorry."

Juliette laughed. "I always know to add an extra hour onto whatever errand you're running when it's you two. Why don't you take off your clothes, change into new ones, and I'll try to get these stains out?"

"Honey, if you wanted to see me shirtless, all you had to do was ask," Rooster teased, winking playfully at his future wife while stripping off his shirt. Hangman followed suit, and Ghost tried to avert her eyes so she wouldn't be caught ogling his Adonis build, but a few sneak peeks happened. 

The two men hurried to the master bedroom to grab some new clothes. Juliette and Ghost both peered around the corner, watching them go. The girls glanced at each other, then burst out laughing and hurried back to the counter before Rooster and Hangman caught them.

"What are you two giggling about?" Rooster asked when he returned, wrapping his arms around Juliette's waist from behind and resting his head on her shoulder. Hangman stopped on the opposite side of the island, watching the couple with an unidentified emotion.

"Nothing," she and Ghost said simultaneously.

"I find that hard to believe," Hangman jested. He grabbed some of the to-go containers and placed them on the table. Ghost followed with the remaining ones, purposefully putting her food next to his to reserve her spot. She wouldn't separate Rooster and Juliette because of her feelings toward Hangman. She would take the high road and continue being as cordial as possible with him in front of others. 

The group sat down and dug into the food, chatting amiably about wherever the conversation led them. Ghost tried to bring herself to ask Hangman questions directly but choked on the words every time. What could she ask? What could she say? How could she even think about attempting to reach out when she couldn't think of a simple thing to say to him?

Ghost listened to the bantering between Hangman and Rooster, but Juliette fiddling with her necklace caught her attention. After commenting on how pretty the dainty anchor locket was, Juliette responded, "Thanks! It was the first gift Rooster ever gave me when we started dating. It has our saying on the back: India Lima Yankee."

"India Lima Yankee?" Ghost repeated, perplexed.

"Means 'I love you' in the phonetic alphabet. It's how we used to say I love you when we were just friends, so our other friends wouldn't read anything into it. Of course, then we started dating, but we let it stick."

"That's so sweet!" 

"Yeah, I had a crush on her for the longest time," Roosted admitted, jumping into the conversation. He placed his hand on Juliette's thigh. "I meant the saying romantically for most of the time we started saying it, but I never realized she did too until we finally admitted our feelings for each other."

Ghost smiled nostalgically, the story reminding her of what she and Hangman used to say to each other. Without thinking, she said, "I had a similar situation with a friend. We loved each other, albeit only platonically, unlike you two, but still kind of similar. We had a saying we reserved for each other only, too."

"What was the saying?" Juliette asked, her gaze flicking momentarily over to Hangman.

"Forever and always. I would say, for example, 'I've got your back.' He would respond with 'Forever,' and I would say 'and always.'"

"Oh, that's adorable!" Jules gushed. "I'm blanking right now, but what would that be in the phonetic alphabet?"

"Foxtrot Alpha Alpha," Hangman said, staring at Ghost with a mixture of confusion and wistful reminiscence and the silent question: why are you bringing this up?

Ghost held no answer for him because she had no clue herself. The memory popped into her head and rolled off her tongue before she could consider the consequences of voicing it. Maybe this was her sign to rekindle her friendship with Hangman. Maybe she had to suck it up and accept that she would never get an explanation from him about that fateful day. Or perhaps she had to start the friendship again in order to get the explanation. It was worth a shot. 

"I like that: Foxtrot Alpha Alpha," Juliette said, standing up from the table and grabbing her empty container along with the others'. 

"People might think you're referring to the Federal Aviation Administration," Roosted joked. Standing up, he added, "I'm going to work on the crib some more, see if I can make heads or tails of those instructions. Hangman, you coming?"

"Right behind you." Jake followed Rooster to the bedroom. Juliette and Ghost locked eyes and silently waited for the impending interrogation about the newly built crib. Sure enough, hardly five seconds later, the boys returned, and Rooster said, "Now, I could've sworn when Hangman and I left, the crib had not been built."

"Maybe it was the dogs," Juliette suggested innocently, popping a missed fried crawfish into her mouth.

"I might believe that if they had opposable thumbs, but they don't. Please tell me you did not build that by yourself."

"Don't worry, I sat the entire time. Ghost did all the heavy lifting. Literally."

Rooster sighed. "Fine, fine. Did you find the English instructions?"

"No, we followed the Chinese ones," Ghost lied easily, standing up and stretching. "I don't know what you two found so difficult about them. Y'all need help with the second one?"

"We could probably use some supervision," Hangman said, meeting Ghost's gaze. Unless she was mistaken, she saw a glimmer of hope in his green eyes.

"Count us in," Juliette chirped. They all headed into the nursery and sat down to build the last crib. Juliette, now wholly outnumbered, sat in the recliner and watched. She asked, "By the way, Ghost, how's Jackie?"

"Oh, shit, I completely forgot to tell you about that!" Ghost exclaimed, straightening in surprise. She dove into the story of her sister's woes and broken marriage. Hangman, Juliette, and Rooster listened intently, aghast at the flimsy excuses Ryan had given Jackie for ending their relationship so suddenly.

"That smells fishy," Hangman declared in distaste. "Sounds like there's someone else in the picture."

"I started wondering the same thing. However, I didn't want to say anything when she was already distraught. We'll likely find out if it's true sooner or later. See, this is why I don't trust marriage. Outside of you two-" she waved the Allen key at Juliette and Rooster- "I see so many problematic marriages. Hell, even my parents briefly split up about a year before I was born, if only for two weeks, but still. Now Jackie and Ryan, so many people from high school-"

"Oh, yeah, I saw Braxton and Paxton were getting divorced. Guess they couldn't come up with a kid's name that rhymed with theirs," Hangman joked.

Ghost chuckled. "See, the one that shocked me was Nelly and PJ. They seemed so smitten."

"Did you go to the ten-year reunion?"

"No. I wasn't friends with anyone, and I didn't want to stand around awkwardly while everyone else caught up. Did you?"

"Are you kidding? I couldn't wait to get out of high school. Why would I want to go back?" Hangman finished tightening the last screw, and the group stood up. "Well, looks like we can get a lot done with the girls watching over us."

"And when we have English instructions," Rooster added, glancing at the aforementioned packet lying on the floor next to his feet. 

Juliette joined the group to admire the handiwork. "Thanks for helping you two. We owe you."

Hangman waved a dismissive hand. "Nah, this is on the house for our future niece and nephew. I think Uncle Jake and Aunt Annalise have a good ring to it." 

"Agreed. If y'all need help with anything else, you know who to call," Ghost said, checking her phone. "I should get going. I promised I'd talk to Jackie later to see how breaking the news to Mom and Dad about her divorce went."

Jake turned his attention to Rooster. "Bradshaw, it's been fun."

Rooster frowned. "No, it hasn't."

"We make a good team," Jake continued, offering his hand to shake.

Bradley took it and broke into a grin, replying, "No, we didn't. It was a disaster."

"I look forward to the next project." He and Ghost headed to the front door with Juliette and Rooster behind them. Bidding the couple farewell, the two aviators left the house and walked silently down the sidewalk to their rides.

"You okay getting home this late?" Hangman queried, unlocking his truck. 

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Ghost said, wondering where the question had arisen.

"You feel safe getting home by yourself?"

"Yeah. Why?"

Hangman rubbed the back of his neck. "I've been worried about you ever since you told me about Kyle. I don't trust him not to stalk you because his behavior is obsessive already. And look, if you're saying you feel safe because it's me and you want me to leave you alone, then just let me know, and I'll get Coyote or Rooster-"

"Jake-" Ghost interrupted- "I'm not saying I'm fine to get you off my back. I'm telling you that because it's true. If I felt unsafe, I would rather have you escort me home than potentially risk my safety."

Hangman nodded. "Good, good. I, uh, I'll let you go. Enjoy your night, Annalise. I guess I'll see you around."

"Yeah, see you around." Ghost turned toward her bike and then stopped, an idea popping into her head of how she could potentially break the ice between them and set them on the road of reconciliation. She took a deep breath and called, "Hey, Jake?"

He whirled around instantly. "Hmm?" 

"Something dawned on me earlier-" Ghost stepped toward him with her hands clasped tightly in front of her- "you and I are both close to Juliette. We're not going to be able to avoid each other because of it, and I don't want Jules to feel like she has to choose between us. It's not fair to her. I understand I'm the one who cut contact between you and me, so I felt the need to be the one who tried to reestablish it. I'm not- I'm not saying we need to hang out outside of other people's invites-"

"Then what are you saying? Because I know it's not that you want to be friends again."

The sadness in his eyes added the missing emotion to his stoic tone, and Ghost ached to reach out for him, to embrace him and confess how much she'd missed him all these years, that she did want to be friends again but didn't know how or where to begin repairing what had been broken between them. Ghost forced herself to stay rooted to the spot and mulled over what to say. Hangman would sense if she lied, so she twisted the truth. "I'm not sure we can be friends again, not in the way we once were, but I do believe we need to find a way to at least become friendly acquaintances. For Juliette's sake and our future niece and nephew's."

Hangman nodded. "Agreed."

Ghost offered her hand, and he shook it. She barely managed to stop herself from shivering at the contact and the tingling sensation engulfing the parts of her hand where his skin touched hers. Snatching her hand back before her mind traveled down the road of desire, Ghost cleared her throat and said, "Good, good... well, I should, uh, I should get home. See you around?"

"Yeah. Are you going to be at dogfight football this Saturday?"

"I don't know." It sounded better than saying, 'I haven't gotten an invite from Maverick because, despite his cordialness to me the other day, I don't think he likes me.'

"Why not?"

Ghost shrugged. "The invite was a one-time thing last time. I don't want to show up uninvited."

"Then this is me inviting you. Besides, if you say no-" a cocky smirk spread across his chiseled face- "I'll tell Juliette, and then she'll call you asking where you are. We don't want her thinking it's because of our fall-out."

Ghost narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you using my own argument against me?"

"Yes," he said unabashedly.

Ghost tried but failed to bite back a smile. "Fine. I'll come."

"Great. I'll pick you up at nine. That way, we can swing by Starbucks on the way there."

"I can drive myself." Despite her protest, Ghost couldn't ignore her heart fluttering in anticipation at the idea of being alone with Hangman in his truck. A flood of memories washed over her: singing along to country music while cruising down roads in his passenger seat, sitting in the bed of his truck while star-gazing, and chatting while they drove through the hills of the Smoky Mountains to escape the Academy and see the fall foliage among so many others.

"Yeah, but then you can back out at the last minute, and I'm not letting you do that. I'll see you Saturday at nine sharp." Not giving her the chance to respond, he winked cheekily at her before getting in his truck. Ghost smiled to herself while she went to her motorcycle, simultaneously elated and nervous about the new situation she'd put herself in with Hangman. This plan would either take off or crash and burn. Right now, she couldn't tell which way was more likely, but Ghost knew what she hoped for.

****

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[justrandomselfships]

@fe-oc-week day 2: Relationships.

OFC I'M GONNA START WITH SYLVAIN. Here is longer rant post abt their relationship.

If we want to put it in a basic way they are just friends to lovers where their friendship time had them cross a lot of boundaries between friendship and romance like their casual affections. They never expected anything of each other, and maybe that's the reason why they grew so close (and why they never thought that they might be in love).

Now time to talk about her closest friends! Where she considers a lot of them as such haha- rant post about (Claude, Hilda and Cyril) (Ferdinand, Lysithea, Marianne)

But no matter what, her nr1 bestie is Claude! These two are the definition of chaos. They like goofing around more than anything, but at the same time they have unlimited trust towards each other.

With Hilda they just get each other. They understand their feelings better than anyone. They may not have many common interests but somehow they always find something to talk about.

Cyril is like a brother to her. She's very protective of him even though he doesn't need it and she knows that. She just likes to go the extra mile for the sake of her friend!

Ferdinand is someone she thought she was in love with before realizing her feelings for Sylvain (I never mentioned it lol)... But her feelings for him are fully platonic! They love learning things from each other to put things simply.

Heather's relationship to Lysithea is mostly about the fact that they care about each other's well being more than necessary. Their ideals and way to live their life is pretty much opposite, but they still care about each other a lot.

With Marianne, Heather is just super impressed by her- which confuses Marianne. They both adore animals and tend to spend their time just enjoying the moment, rather than forcing a conversation.

Now that the most important people are settled... Here is the rest of the Golden Deer!

You may or may have not noticed it but Heather is close to all Golden Deer ladies... except Leonie. That is for a reason that they have no way of getting along. Heather finds Leonie judgemental, while Leonie finds Heather spoiled. They do "settle" their differences in their supports- but even after that they don't consider each other as friends.

Lorenz is someone Heather always had troubles even starting a conversation with. Although there is no denying the difference, her mind just keeps comparing him to her previous suitors- that's why she doesn't want to talk to him. ever. BUT IN THE HYPOTHETICAL SUPPORTS I'VE WRITTEN THINGS DO GET BETTER.

Raphael is just overwhelming to her in a good way. His positive attitude is exactly what she needs and so the two don't have much issues getting along. In supports I wrote with him and her- he helps her with her eating habits.

Ignatz is another person whom Heather is very impressed with. She loves all kinds of art- so of course she'd be interested in his paintings as well. She doesn't stop talking about how skilled he is and she really wants to motivate him to never drop this hobby.

Other important notes:

her favourite professor is Manuela

she loves hearing Alois' puns and often tries to think of something better

she's scared of Seteth due to respecting him too much.

she'd have the biggest trouble from the Golden deers talking to Byleth casually during first few chapters.

[nevalizona]

💝 - How much effort do they put into appearances? Do they have a favorite article of clothing?

❗- What are the highest priorities to this oc (at a point in their life of your choosing)?

🧡 - Physical touch: good or bad for this oc?

👁️‍🗨️ - Eye contact: good or bad for this oc?

Hiiiiii Maximilian!!!! Thank you for these! They were a ton of fun. It was really nice to think about other ocs. It's really weird not being consumed by ocs so this was a great distraction! Thank you again!!!!

💝 - How much effort do they put into appearances? Do they have a favorite article of clothing?

Zeke-- He always wants to look good. He makes sure to style his hair, he takes good care of his skin, and he absolutely always wears sunscreen, living in an extremely hot tropical place made it so he absolutely does not play about sunscreen lol. His favorite article of clothing, I don't know if it counts, is shoes. He always has a nice pair of shoes. Doesn't matter what kind of shoes or the occasion, he always has something fashionable to wear.

Kit-- He cares a ton about how he looks. He needs to be perfect all the time. He doesn't like having a single hair out of place when he's around others. Once again, I don't know if this counts technically as an article of clothing, but he loves watches. Every outfit needs a good watch.

Sugar Pop-- She cares soooo much about looking good! She and Kit try to always look their best. She loves hanging off his arm and knowing that he thinks she looks stunning. Her favorite article of clothing is undergarments.

❗- What are the highest priorities to this oc (at a point in their life of your choosing)?

Zeke-- at 26, his "priority" is "being a part" of his daughter, Mariana's life, aka forcing himself to be a part of Rosaylie’s life. Don't get me wrong, he loves Mariana, but he would do anything to have Rosaylie back in his life. Well, not anything technically. He doesn't want to put in the effort to actually get better. He wants to stay the same POS he always is AND have the family he thinks he's owed.

Kit-- Mid 30s. His priorities are simple. He wants to be able to keep appearances while also still being able to commit various murders as he pleases. Oh, also, making sure he can support Sugar Pop and continue to provide a life she deserves as well as love her and care about her.

🧡 - Physical touch: good or bad for this oc

Zeke-- He is only okay being touched by women. And even that, it was mostly just Rosaylie and Mariana (the woman Rosaylie named her daughter after). He didn't mind them hanging on him and whatnot. Of course, he's fine with his daughter grabbing onto him. She always wants piggyback rides lol but other than that, Zeke really really likes his personal space.

Kit-- Do not touch him. He doesn't like it. He wants to be left alone at all costs. He only likes Sugar Pop touching him. In fact, he does find her holding him to be comforting.

Sugar Pop-- She loves physical touch!!!! She has fond memories of family members comforting her by rubbing her shoulders or head. She has always liked being pet lol Kit touches her face, and she melts.

👁️‍🗨️ - Eye contact: good or bad for this oc?

Zeke-- He very much likes eye contact. He also uses it to intimidate people. He enjoys making people feel small or defenseless compared to him. Eye contact is a great way to assert dominance right away.

Kit-- He likes eye contact. He sees it as two things. Assertive and sensual. At work, it's his way to let the others know he is above them. In his personal life, it's his way for Sugar Pop to know that he's looking at her and only her.

Sugar Pop-- She only likes eye contact the normal amount except for when it's from Kit.

[xtosca]

Okay, so, possibly unpopular ATLA take, buuuut... I like Azula, really, and I also like Zuko. Both of them are very damaged children who were raised by an egomaniacal dictator who was also abusive as fuck to his family, so yeah, they're both a little fucked up. Buuut... Can we please quit trying to woobify Azula? Y'know, the whole "Draco in leather pants" thing? And then the inverse for Zuko, making him out to be somehow worse than Azula, a horrible brother, there's a "double standard" when comparing the two, etc etc like... Like, listen. I am ALL FOR an Azula redemption arc, but we can't sit there and pretend that what happened in the show DIDN'T HAPPEN. We can't just completely gloss over Azula's entire personality. Of course, a good bit of how she behaves in the show can be attributed to her father's influence, the fact she was his "golden child" and was basically groomed to be his heir after he had an excuse to get rid of Zuko, being a firebending prodigy, etc... HOWEVER- That does not, in the least, change the fact that, throughout the show, Azula is shown to be: - Incredibly manipulative - Cunning - Antagonistic - Low Empathy - Violent - Cruel Erasing those traits completely, and pretending they don't exist, is basically just taking Azula's appearance and slapping it on an OC. From the first time she is introduced, Azula is shown to have a far stronger "mean streak" than Zuko does. Zuko is an asshole in the beginning, he's aggressive(towards the Gaang), and really has the whole "moody teenager" behavior down pat, but he's not nearly on the same level as Azula. Azula is cruel, she threatens her own crew, she abuses animals(as noted in one of Zuko's flashbacks, where he says Azula is the one who taught him to throw the bread at the turtleducks), she laughs at the idea of Ozai being ordered to kill Zuko by Azulon and revels in tormenting Zuko about it... She is manipulative, as we see when she tries to trick Zuko into coming home as her prisoner by claiming his father wants him back because 'family is important to him'. She managed to infiltrate Ba Sing Se AND gain control of the Dai Li through manipulation and disguise, She seems to have almost no sense of empathy for others, not caring at all who she hurts, except in one singular case when she upset Ty Lee at that party and apologized afterward. None of this means she is all evil, of course, as much of this is a result of her upbringing and as we're shown, she has a lot of psychological damage and trauma that, near the end of the show, drives her essentially to the brink of insanity. She has insecurities, she has reasons for behaving the way she does... but that doesn't change the fact that she HAS those personality traits, and it doesn't erase the things she's done in the show. You can pretend Azula lied to Ozai about Zuko killing Aang out of the goodness of her heart all you want, but the fact is, that just is not the case, and it's made blatantly evident within the show. She outright says so herself- she suspects Aang is not actually dead, so if he turns out to be alive, Zuko will be the "failure" and not her. Contrast all of this with Zuko, who, while he was an asshole, he went out of his way to stand up for and rescue a little Earth Kingdom kid from asshole soldiers, risked getting caught as a Firebender in Ba Sing Se just to make some random girl he wasn't even actually interested in happy, and actually turned his shit around and redeemed himself. Even when Zuko was grumpy and angry all the time, there were still obvious hints that he wasn't all bad, that he cared for other people.

[dreamsighted]

Rules

Following

This blog is a sideblog to my main blog ( @universestreasures ) So, if that blog is following you and you are following this one, we are mutuals!

This blog is private and very selective on who I follow back for the my own comfort. I always read the pages/pinned posts/carrds/google docs of everyone I am thinking about following back! There is nothing personal if I don’t follow back to!

This blog only writes with MUTUALS ONLY! This means that I am following you and you are following me. However, I do play with sideblogs! If you have to follow me on your main, that is a ok!

I only follow blogs I am either interested with interacting or ones I have threads with. 

I do not mind personals following me or sending in things like HC asks or character questions. In fact, I like it! However, if any personal reblogs any RP related content or any posts/edits with personals do not reblog on it, I will block the personal. 

Blog Basics

This blog is NOT NSFW friendly. Mun is of age, but does not wish to write things above PG 13.

Most people I think now this about me already, but content of NSFW//Heavy Gore nature makes me quite uncomfortable. I ask that that content be tagged in some form (Even if it’s a special tag, as long as I can black it out we golden. If I can’t, I will inform you of that just so you’re aware! People have been using #rarity don’t look for anything they think would be intense for me for example, but as long as it’s tagged in general). If you do not do this, I probably will not follow back or unfollow for my own comfort. Nothing personal. 

This Blog is AU/Crossover/Canon Divergent/Variant (Duplicate) Friendly!

This Blog is Highly OC Selective! 

This blog is drama free. If you intentionally try to cause drama, I will send a warning before blockage 

I do not accept Magic Anons!!!

I don’t have a password or anything! 

Mains/Exclusives & Shipping

This blog does play with multiples of the same muse, and that does go for shipping too. That does not mean I enjoy one interpenetration over another, I enjoy all interpretations. RP for me is about fun, and having a good time. It is not a competition, and everyone’s interpretation of a muse is valid and unique. If you do not understand that, then please do not write with me.

I am selective on what romantic pairings I do with my muse, both in what pairings there are and who I write with. I prefer some OOC rapport be built before we get into shipping, but I am open to discussing the possibilities anytime! Never feel afraid to approach me. 

In that same vein, I do not do Mains/Exclusives in general, except on Verses (AKA a closed verse). If someone wants to make me their main or exclusive, you can do so! I’d be flattered! However, that does not mean I will be exclusive/mains back. This includes shipping as well, as I do ship with multiples of the same character and write with multiples of the same character. Everything I write with each mun is separate unless specified otherwise.

When it comes to Kudo, because he is Miyo's fiance and love interest (and her love for Kudo is a big part of her character), by default, that relationship will be a part of my canon verse interactions (meaning Miyo will have feelings for him romantically). This does not mean any Kudo I write with has to reciprocate those romantic feelings, of course. I am flexible when it comes to this, including if the feelings in a romantic way are one-sided on Miyo's part. I am also open to shipping Miyo with others, having her be engaged to Kudo but not romantically in love, or having the engagement not be in place at all. This can be discussed at the individual level.

General Writing Stuff

I am much better at plotting rps (at least a bit!) as compared to 100% winging it, especially for crossovers or aus. My DMS are always open for it, so don’t feel afraid to reach out!

OOC communication is a must!!! 

No godmodding my character unless you have permission from me to do so. Please ask before hand if you need to do this for a reply. 

MUN DOES NOT EQUAL THE MUSE. 

I won’t be doing any writing of any actual cardfights on this blog. Battle scenes I’m fine with and can do, but anything that’s a game will not be written out. However, using it as a plot element or saying something happened is of course a okay! I just know trying to write out an actual game is very hard and can be pretty clunky! 

You may start a thread via sending me an ask, tagging me in a post with a starter, or sending me a starter meme. I do prefer plotted starters over anything else to begin (esp with new people), but I can work with most what anyone gives me. 

Reply speed can vary. Sometimes I write a lot, sometimes I only post one thing. What I am I’m interested in writing/which muses I am vibing with can shift randomly! I also am a busy student in Grad School and hopefully, soon a PHD student. This is nothing personal! I simply write what I’m motivated to write at the moments I can sit down and write, and sometimes I can’t even do that. RP is, again, a hobby. Usually plotting helps a lot with reply speed since it gives me a direction to go in, though!

In the same vein, if I drop a thread it is nothing personal either. I certainly am never offended if anyone wants to drop something with me. RP is a two way street, and if one person isn’t vibing a thread for whatever reason, then I don’t see any reason to keep forcing it. Something new can always be made if something is dropped!!!

I am AU TRASH so if you ever get an AU idea, please throw them at me!

I am happy to make changes if there is an issue with a thread! Just notify me!

Muse Interpretation

My Miyo is what like to call canon based and headcanon expanded, meaning she does mostly follow canon (mainly based off the original anime) as a basis but with some expanded characterizations or slight changes to make her my own. 

Miyo's orientation is hetero!

All the headcanons/character lore I post are ones that I create based off my own interpretations or discussions I’ve had talking with some of my mutuals. I don’t own any of my headcanons, and if someone happens to have the same HC as me (which happens a lot esp in big fandoms), agrees with my hcs, and wants to use that for their muse if they write the same chr, go for it. Great minds think a like, and everyone can write their muse how they want to! 

Writing Style

I tend to view my writing style as if I am a storyteller, which usually my writing has sometimes some humor, a lot of character introspection, imagery, and lore, world, and context building. 

I tend to write A LOT, as a result. However, I do not expect anyone to match my length at all! As long as I’m given enough to work with, we should be golden! If I can’t work something, I’ll be sure to reach out! 

I do not usually use Japanese honorifics (Kun, Sama, Chan, San, etc.) in my writing since I am not confident in my abilities to use them correctly and do not want to offend or disrespect Japanese culture and the language. However, if it is a honorific that is used in canon, then I might use it. This is dependent on my partner though. My partners are free to use them though of course!

I use bold for emphasis, italics for internal thoughts or narration, and bold italics for emphasis on internal thoughts or narration. I might also use big text or special fonts for a flourish here and there, depending on what I’m writing. 

Graphics

I use two dividers and blockquote icons in my posts, along with colored text. If you need colored text removed for our interactions or tagged, please let me know asap!

I make all my own icons, gifs, manga coloring and headers so please DO NOT STEAL THEM.

Any art used in edits/icons is either official art or fanart used with permission.

[btscontentenjoyer]

Literally have nothing in my mind or heart except for thoughts and love for them, at this point.

"With you mewling like that, he’s restless anyway, succumbing to you; ignoring everything else." Just comparing the smutty scene at the beginning of this to the last one with the body paint??? The way that it was so intimate and you could feel all their love through their actions is just amplified by the contrast to this scene. And yet they still seem so comfortable and in tune with each other even so early on.

"A hand shoots up to his inked arm; the fact that he’s rolled up his white sweater is driving you insane. Then again, his whole being is. Which, you would never admit to him of course – it’d boost his already bursting ego too much." And now he has a tattoo FOR HER on that arm 😭😭😭😭

"His hand squeezes your waist painfully, almost like a warning to the sly smirk you manage. He adds, “But you’re… also always so cold to me.” OC is so strong for this, because I would have fallen in love with this man on the spot the first time lmao

"He shrugs his shoulders, rubbing your back in comfort. His fingers feel warm; the heat trickles through your sweater and relaxes your muscles, burns your skin. It’s funny how his touch is so ridiculously different from the animalistic affair you usually spoil each other with." Jungkook being so gentle and caring even when their relationship is supposed to just be sexual at this point, just solidifies my belief that he is the best man in the world.

"Guess physical intimacy calls forth at least a miniscule sliver of affection, even if it’s in the form of a blooming, quiet friendship." Seeing the beginning of their relationship has me so soft 🥺🥺🥺 Rid, how do you literally manage to make me fall in love with them even more every time.

"One, he thinks of you. Voluntarily, possibly when you’re not around – what his mind conjures about you, you can’t quite decode. But what you do know is that his observation and understanding of you make you feel warm and, strangely, even somewhat cared for." Literally trying not to scream while reading this with my sister in the room. They are too fucking cute and they're literally soulmates, no one can tell me otherwise.

"Cameras, articles, rumours – sure. But not the fact that someone is able to point out little details about you; to decipher who you truly might be, behind the mask of a popular company’s future heir." The fact that Jungkook has been making her feel this way from the beginning is so so amazing and I'm sure it's a big part of why she feels quite comfortable with him so early on.

“That’s… well, I— I think I want to see it one day.” 🥺🥺🥺

"Funny. Because even though this neighbourhood is quiet and yours lively, you feel lonelier in your bedroom." Seriously feel so bad for OC, and even more so knowing the way her parents are willing to hurt her 'for her own good' 😭😭😭 She deserves to be happy and loved always.

“‘Cause… I guess I knew you’d be here.” You blink a few times – definitely not what you thought he’d say. Maybe that’s the reason for the sudden burning hot sensation in your chest. “I guess I just like hanging out with you.” He is, in fact, the best person in the world, yes. How does he always know what to day, ugh I love him.

"It’s an out of the blue confession, as it often is with him. Jungkook seemed mysterious to you the moment you first saw him, spoke to him, touched him. Things haven’t changed, and you wonder if they ever will." I do hope he one day feels more comfortable to open up and share more of his vulnerability with OC 🥺🥺🥺

"Sometimes, the same worries come with different contexts." They are so on the same wavelength plsss 😭😭😭

"Jungkook’s presence evokes feelings of rarity; like you’re a unique diamond, someone he understands from his deepest core. But his presence evokes confusion and question marks, too. Because now you’re one of the people. Part of those who have one common thought about him." God, this is sooo beautiful, Rid.

"It’s an act between you. A tactic to avoid overthinking, depth, all the stuff that feelings are made of." This just once again highlights how much they have grown in their relationship, because even if they haven't explicitly admitted anything yet, or even kissed properly, they are not shying away from showing the affection and care they feel about each other anymore.

"When you giggle this time, he does, too, eyes tender and sweet. His beam bright and his chortle innocent. He sounds so sweet when he’s happy. It’s hard to imagine a man like him genuinely sad, even though you’re sure he has demons living somewhere inside him, too." Seeing Jungkook fully showing his sadness would absolutely break me, I'm sure. But I really do want him to get to that point where he knows he can do that and OC can be there for him.

"He’s the artist, you realise, putting letters in the air. You’re the writer, painting invisible pictures. Your lives, goals and philosophies align a lot tonight, don’t they?" THEY ARE SOULMATES AND I LOVE THEM. NOBODY TALK TO ME 😭😭😭

"You don’t notice Jungkook lowering his arm. The way he looks at you or follows your movements. Listens to your joyful sounds, although they’re drowning in the noise around you." He was already so gone for her even then omg.

"Holiday kisses are for the world of lovers, and he and you aren’t destined to enter that multiverse." They already are destined to be in love and all of this just proves that 🥺🥺🥺

"A gentle touch on your face; the softest kiss on your cheek." STOOOP HE IS THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST. These kisses are just as meaningful as the 'proper kiss' they've been waiting for.

“Happy New Year to you. Let’s be easy on ourselves.” 🥺🥺🥺 I'm going to cry. This is so soft and they're the most precious people. 🥺🥺🥺

"Things have changed drastically, haven’t they? How he’s achieved one of his big goals that he made his resolution last December. How, despite whatever you said, you’re here now, making his home yours.

Making him your home." I literally got goosebumps and my eyes are tearing up. I just love them so much and I'm so so proud of them for how far they've come. And it's also so overwhelming but wonderful at the same time knowing that they have so much more ahead of them too.

"The affection of tonight lingers; of another skippable yet memorable party; of whatever happened in the bathroom again; of the unexpected guest appearance and your conversation with them." 👀👀👀 Interesting, are we talking about Nara here 👀👀👀

"This year might end differently." They deserve all the happiness in the world, my babies 😭😭😭

As I said before, I didn't think I could love these two more, but yet again you have proven me wrong, Rid. Seeing the special connection they had from the beginning and how much it has deepened over time definitely had me feeling very emotional. I am in love with their relationship at any point of its development, it would seem.

They mean so much to each other and they just bring out the best in one another. They also mean so much to me, and I'm honestly honoured that I get to see their beautiful story. I feel so much love for them right now that I can't really express it properly, but I'm sure you know what I mean.

Please know that there are people here who not only love your incredible writing, but also the kind and amazing person that you are. I am literally willing to say this to you multiple times a day just so that you remember whenever you have any doubts about it. Because your stories are beautiful and so meaningful to me and you, along with them, provide me with such comfort and happiness.���💞💞

colour me in: not enough | jjk (m)

Summary: Even when your hearts weren’t connected yet, you think that your minds certainly were.

➳ pairing: Jungkook x reader ➳ rating: 18+ ➳ genre: fwb/f2l, fake dating; sprinkles of angst, mostly fluff, some smut ➳ warnings: banter!, fireworks, just a few sad sentences, they’re already very fond of each other, lilll kiss, playing with sparklers; explicit sexual content: unprotected sex, rough sex, mention of oral (m. receiving) and of light choking, creampieee, aftercare, mid-sex-convos cos i love those <3 ➳ word count: 4k ➳ a/n: this is a flashback drabble!! and it happened last december in their timeline. i know it’s just a small thing, but i’d still loooove to know what you guys think, so let’s talk <33 ➳listen to: this is how you fall in love by jeremy zucker & chelsea cutler | full playlist 🤍

SERIES MASTERPOST | TAGLIST MASTERLIST | WIPs

You open your eyes to a blurry image of a luxurious bathroom. Too much marble, the fear of breaking something too heavy.

Keep reading

[thatoneguy031]

Here's a character I've mentioned literally only once, waaaay back on this blog: Azure.

Screw it, I'm in the mood for a bit of writing, so why not talk about him, right? Besides, it's the 16th anniversary of TWEWY, and I unfortunately had nothing else planned.

For those that haven't seen this post, Azure is my TWEWY oc, who I have an unhealthy obsession with drawing as a dragon. Trust me, it's not real, I just think that it works for him, for aesthetic and in-story reasons.

(Also, if I got anything wrong about the TWEWY lore, please let me know. I just watched a Black Jupiter video and was reminded of this dude.)

Azure was just a normal guy. Introverted, but somewhat normal. Compared to Neku, who often went out of his way to avoid people when he could, and RIndo, who's my kind of introverted, if you know what I mean, Azure would snap at anyone if they did as little as breathe the wrong way in his direction(The comparison'll make a little bit more sense later on, I swear).

As for how he ended up in the Reapers Game, Azure was on crossing the street one morning on his way to school, and someone bumped into him. He turned around and began yelling at the buisnessman, and it turned into a screaming match.

They were standing there for about a minute, when Azure had saw a car coming their way. Of course, he tried to warn the other guy that he had to get out of the street, but they weren't listening. With no other option, Azure shoved him out of the way, just in time for the car to hit him instead.

Just like that, he was brought into the Reapers Game, right in the middle of the Scramble Crossing.

With that settled, let's talk about Azure's abilities.

Like the original TWEWY game and NEO, Azure is able to use basically any pin at his disposal in combat. It's partially explained in NEO that Shinjuku's Reapers Game made it possible for any player to do this, but here's the funny part.

Azure's playing Shibuya's version of the Game. Which means that the pins that can be used is yet again limited by how much Imagination you have.

Like Rindo and Neku, Azure also has a really high Imagination, which means that he can use pretty much any pin he wants. Which ones he uses are actually hidden from view of the average Player and Reaper. He keeps them tucked where his hoodie and shorts overlap, with the exception of the Player Pin, which he always has in his right shorts pocket if it's not in use.

In that post, I asked y'all to guess which pins he was using. These are the answers, I guess.

His favorite pin are the ones with the Shockwave Psych. On top of that, his favorite brand is Jupiter of the Monkey, so it was kind of a no brainer that he'd use Yoshimitsu.

Azure also uses Earthshake pretty often. The battles in this story take place the same way that they did on the DS version of TWEWY: Players and their teammates are taken into two different zones, yet their attacks are still connected. This means that Azure could go all out with this pin in particular without any worries of hurting his partner(I don't think it would've harmed her anyway, but hindsight's 20/20).

There's also... And I swear, I hate this name...

Sexy D.

I swear on the almighty Arceus's name that this is what the pin is called. Anyways, it's basically just Psychokinesis, and Azure can use it on objects ranging from small signs to whole cars.

Azure also uses Pamper Me Tether, which sends a few chains to wrap around opponents. From there, he can just wack them with whatever other pins he chose.

And then there's Pyrokinesis, which does as you'd think it does: Azure can summon flames from his hands to attack his opponents. Fun fact, during Day 1, when he was still not used to the idea of the Reapers Game, he didn't believe his partner when she said that these pins let them use their psychic powers. So, when he tried using Pyrokinesis, he burned the crap out of his hand. The scar he gave himself even persisted in life, reminding him of what he's been through.

I wanted to get this out in time for the anniversary, but I'll make a part 2 eventually, covering his relationship with his partner.

[lediz-watches]

Art of Dying

It's now official: I adore Latika. She was written specifically to make me, personally, very happy.

I’m liveblogging The Winchesters as a Supernatural!virgin. Please keep my lack of knowledge in mind if you continue...

In episode thoughts:

This week appears to be a slasher or zombie movie, maybe?

Except the zombie can pull victims into the ceiling, cool

Thank you, Dean, for vocalising what I was saying these people are supposed to be. There shall all be darkness in everyone grah!

Side note – after taking a break, I realised just how tiny Mary’s actor is. I mean, she and Carlos are usually wearing kick butt heels so you never notice, but they’re actually like ridiculously short compared to the others. Mary is kind of adorable despite being a gruff cop.

OF COURSE THE HUNTERS HAVE A BAT PHONE.

Oh, werewolf. That tracks.

Oh for god’s sake, show, do not give me a character who managed to get out—that Mary knew about—and then tell me she was scared to get out. Pick a goddamn lane.

Side note. Carlos and Lata are always so fabulous compared to every other hunter. Carlos obviously more than others, but –

Also, wasn’t Lata only just getting into academic hunting theory? How can she identify marks ‘consistent with werewolf attacks’? Or the fact that it’s not actually a werewolf claw? I’m not complaining, I like her whole academic hunter vibe, it’s just one of those things I have come to question a bit belatedly.

Okay, Lata worrying about her pacificism is exactly the sort of character I want in this show. I want her to stand by it, but I want it to be her weakness and her strength. I love how much she doesn’t suit the world she inhabits.

Ohh, Carlos, you’re so twitterpated, that’s adorable.

John’s eyeshadow is working overtime this episode, just by the bye. I wonder if he’s supposed to be tired or falling dark or if it’s just an accident. It’s also making him look very Jared Padaleki, which is a nice accident.

And speaking of makeup, you would think that a show that’s based in supernatural creatures would spend more on making their monsters look… less um… yes. Let’s move on, because I’m not judging. X-Files definitely had worse and I rolled with that for like, seven seasons. I’m just noting it.

I like Mary trying to be a good boss. I also like the line “I don’t need you using me as an excuse to avoid your issues.” That is a good line. That is a GOOD line. Well done, Mary.

But while it’s in character, and very 70s, and very consistent, GET OFF IT, JOHN. She’s been hunting since you were like 8 years old, she’s essentially your boss, you just called her ‘coach’ in a deferential manner, how DARE you pull this patronising paternalistic NONSENSE. I am SO MAD he even TRIED IT.

…this episode seems to be trying to call forward to that theory I had about John being redeemed by death. That or it’s talking about some other character that gets ‘wielded like a weapon’, but again, it’s another time that this show feels like it’s talking to an audience that isn’t me.

I mean, there’s always another choice than murdering a partner. Even one that scares you. Especially when you’re all like, professional scary people. Scaring people is just the vibe.

Oh. John got possessed. Kay.

I like John better as an evil ghost. Weird.

YES, LATA. I like this story. I LIKE your story. There is ALWAYS a choice, and you have to keep making it, and it’s not going to be easy, and GOOD ON YOU, MY GIRL, I love you so much.

AND YES, the old hunters DID screw up, and they should feel bad, and -

GODDAMMIT going back into hunting IS NOT MAKING UP FOR IT, WOMAN.

I mean, I like the comparison with Mary’s future choices, and it feels narratively appropriate, but the messaging is just… so… ugh. UGH.

But we have Lata and Carlos to be my beautiful beloved model hunters! My heroic heroes! Hugs for the OCs.

Okay. Not to get personal on main here, but Lata speaks very much to my worldview here, so of course I’m going to love it. It’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to feel betrayal and hurt and want to lash out, but we all make a choice, every day, about whether we are going to contribute more anger to the world, and possibly hurt others, or whether we are going to move through the world in our own way.

I like fantasies to be about heroes. I like stories about (actual) good guys. I like that sometimes being a good guy is hard, or means you have to make choices that may not seem good to other people, or that sometimes, the only person who will thank you for what you do will never know you were the one who did it. Because we shouldn’t be good for praise or celebration, or for any reason other than we want to do and be good.

I hate that most fantasy these days is soaked in darkness and violence and anger. That you have to be bad to be good. You have to be a monster to fight the monsters. I don’t want to believe that, I don’t want to endorse that, and I certainly don’t want to watch entertainment that celebrates that.

So yes. John upsets me. There we have it. I'm accepting this as fact, and it will probably affect my liveblogging going forward: John and his character and his main character energy upset me. I want heroes, and saviours, and thank everything for Carlos and Lata for being the positive heroes and the heroes I want to watch.

I want Carlos and Lata to save Mary through their friendship. I want Carlos and Lata to drag John back to the light.

I’m not sure yet if I’m gonna get it, but it’s what I want.

Let’s see where it goes on chapter seven. (or back to chapter one if you care.)

[taeghi]

Huang Renjun and the MUGGLEBORN

– Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You have been sorted into the Ravenclaw House, congratulations! –

pairing ϟ  pureblood ravenclaw!renjun + muggleborn ravenclaw!y/n

-- word count ϟ i dont know, like 26,000

summary ϟ  pure blood ravenclaw!renjun and muggle born ravenclaw!y/n have always despised each other. the difference in their magical blood has separated them in terms of who is the more incredible wizard, though what happens when they put that fact aside and actually get to know each other?

-- includes ϟ  enemies to lovers, hate sex, awkward tension, choking kink, oral

tw!!!!!!!!!! insomnia lmao

taglist ϟ @oc-helps + @minthoodie + @sweetjaemss + @yo-dreamrush +@sunflowerhae + @t1huy + @ne0yong + @bababameme

song : everything i wanted by billie eilish

enrolled

you've always hated huang renjun.

you met him when you were two years old and decided then and there that he would be your life long enemy. the way he was so quiet yet cocky really pissed you off. the smug smirk he put on his face every time he looked at you through his circular glasses made his condescending thoughts about you crystal clear.

renjun was witty and smart, and he knew it.

he wasn't so patronizing with anyone else, solely you.

maybe it's because he's known you for sixteen years, because he knows exactly what annoys you, what you enjoy, and he knows all about your family blood line.

renjun's parents were both from pureblood ravenclaw families, dating back to generations ago. they were textbook ravenclaw's, making renjun one too.

your parents were born in the muggleworld, and stayed in the muggleworld all their lives. your father had the smallest hint of magic in his veins, allowing for you to take over his gene completely and become a witch yourself. your mother was just an ordinary muggle at heart.

renjun's and yours' parents met in college. his had just graduated from hogwarts, while yours moved into the city from some small village in the outskirts of the country.

renjun liked your parents, he thought they were sweet and caring, a little neglectful at times, but he knew that they loved all their children. renjun couldn't help but compare his bloodlines to yours. his were strong and consistent, as soon as he was born everyone knew that he was going to be deemed a powerful ravenclaw.

with yours, they never knew about the wizard world. your father had no idea that his great grandfather was a halfblood. therefore everyone was surprised when you started flying your toys around your room at a young age.

renjun's parents sat yours down and explained to them what was happening, of course they didn't really understand, but accepted you anyways. everyone, including yourself, was excited for your magic-filled future, except for renjun.

renjun liked to be different. he liked to show of his individuality, and you, his enemy, now also being a magical creature made his blood boil. of course he was only nine then, being jealous at things like this was acceptable, but this annoyance was always a little evident in him as the two of you grew up.

when you were eleven, both of you were accepted into hogwarts schooling of witchcraft and wizardry. renjun held a smile on his face when he was told the 'good news' of him not going to hogwarts alone this year, but inside he was dying a little. just when he thought he could get away from you, turns out he was now being forced to sit with you on the train ride there.

ever since you were younger, you were a bit on the shy side. like renjun, you were quiet, smart and enjoyed things that were different. you liked to be independent and held yourself on a higher platform compared to other people. you knew who you were and who you wanted to be.

you hated huang renjun, you were just more reserved about your hatred than he was about his own.

renjun liked to speak his mind, and spoke his mind he did when you were sorted into ravenclaw after him.

you will never be able to forget his little 4 foot 6, eleven year old self standing up at the ravenclaw table, his fist coming down on the table as he glared at you. his chest breathed in and out heavily as he stood there watching you smile as the sorting hat left your head.

"is there a problem mr huang?" headmaster dumbledoore asked from the front of the dining hall. every student had already been looking at renjun due to his outburst.

"how is she a ravenclaw? i'm sorry headmaster but there must be some mistake." he asked, pointing at you. you felt your shoulders curve inwards as you felt everyone looking at you again, renjun's questioning making you feel ashamed in the slightest bit.

"the sorting hat makes no mistakes mr huang, please, sit down now." dumbledore explained, smiling to you and gesturing you to the ravenclaw table. as you walked to the end of the table, you heard the rest of your new house whisper and look at you. your inner self grew combative at all their questionning whispers, but you sat down and composed yourself. infront of where you sat, renjun glared at you from across the table. you tried to rationalize his behaviours towards you, but you could only come up with the fact that renjun was jealous of you.

you tilted your head in an arrogant manner, a smirk of your own forming your lips as you stared at your childhood enemy before winking at him.

he huffed in response to your actions, turning his body away from the table to watch the rest of the sorting ceremony. you swore you could see steam rolling off of him because he was so angry.

at that moment, the whole school knew that you hated huang renjun, too.

throughout your years at hogwarts, renjun and you non-verbally officially created ways to avoid each other. if you had a class together, you would sit on opposite sides of the classroom. if you passed each other in the hallway, neither of you would even glance at each other. while in the ravenclaw common room, if one of you came in and saw the other there, you'd just leave the room completely.

your ways to avoid each other worked to a certain extent, but countless arguments or debates would occur at least twice a week in your shared classes. all of your professors were getting annoyed with your behaviours. thus, this lead the two of you a trip to see the headmaster on multiple occasions.

renjun annoyed you. he made you roll your eyes at his stupid comments in class. he spoke badly about you out loud to his friends when he knew you were there. he called your ideas stupid and idiotic.

you dealt with those actions fine, you could remain calm. but as soon as he mentioned how you were a muggleborn witch, you instantly felt your blood begin to boil.

you had snapped at him over two thousand times to not mention your family's bloodlines, but he just never could stop. renjun knew that that was the main thing that could get you so annoyed that your vision went full red.

the amount of times that you had stormed out of class because of him made you both on the brink of tears; you because of frustration and him because of laughter. so by the nearing end of year 7, you wanted nothing to do with huang renjun or his stupid friends.

renjun had composed a fair amount of friends at hogwarts. each of them were unique and had their own interests. they appeared like all very different people, though they liked each other and seemed to get along. lee jeno was a gryffindor that loved quidditch so much that he dreamed about it every night. na jaemin was a sleazy hufflepuff that drank too much muggle coffee. lee haechan was a descendent from a royal family that liked to party too much. lastly, ning yi zhuo, a ravenclaw girl who went by the nickname ningning and loved fashion.

renjun and ningning became friends in their early years at hogwarts. both of them came from a chinese wizard family and bonded over their shared language. when they were twelve they kissed.

but only because of spin the bottle.

ningning was realized then that she had a crush on renjun. even when he was still prepubescent twelve year old, she had to admit that he was cute. renjun tried to act indifferent after their kiss, but the days after it, he couldn't help but blush when they would accidentally brush their hands over each others.

as renjun and ningning grew older, their spin the bottle kiss delved farther into the backs of their minds, and their friendship grew closer. though, ningning would think about pushing her lips over his again every now and then.

you had gotten used to ningning's company over the years. since she was best friends with renjun, she was always invited over during the summer break. your family would join renjun's at their beach house, and ningning would always make an appearance. you watched how close ningning got with renjun's family, making them all laugh at her jokes. she was much more extraverted than you, so she was so easily liked.

sometimes, you caught yourself comparing yourself to ningning, wishing to be more like her personality and physically wise. but you always told yourself that being different was much better.

though yours and renjun's families were close, your parents never mentioned how you were diagnosed with insomnia when you turned sixteen. you had begged them to be careful and to not mention it, you didn't need to give renjun more fuel to annoy you with.

you've always had problems sleeping, even when you were a baby, but as your years at hogwarts increased, the number of nights you slept lessened. you'd feel tired throughout the day, and count the minutes until you would be able to go to sleep, but as soon as your head touched it's pillow, your tiredness would fade. it would leave you aggravated the next day, but it meant that you had more time to study at night since you couldn't sleep.

though during your final year at hogwarts, the insomnia had only gotten stranger. it used to be something you could ignore during your years 5 and 6. you could have short power naps throughout the nights so you explained to your worried parents that it really wasn't that bad. but now, in year 7, it was something you found often on your mind throughout the day.

you would have to fight to get up and out of bed in the morning to attend to your classes. when you were in your classes you barely paid any attention. the only people who she talks to are her parents on the monthly phone call and renjun when he tries to annoy you.

at night, a little part of you likes your insomnia. the idea of people the only one awake in the busy hogwarts castle when no one else is. the castle isn't really any quieter, but it's a different kind of noise that she's gotten used to in her 7 years at hogwarts. the castle is darker and chilly, especially in the early spring weather. plus, you prefer to be alone.

the night after the lee slytherin royal family celebrated lee haechan's graduation from hogwarts in a few months, you found yourself sitting up in your bed for what must've been the tenth time that night. you had no idea that on the other side of the ravenclaw dormitory, renjun woke up in a cold sweat for the first since he was younger. he stared up at his ceiling, his room being lit up from the moonlight the shined through the large, rectangular windows. his astronomy posters were hung around his dorm room.

renjun tries to calm himself down from his nightmare, not wanting to get more worked up from an involuntary succession of thoughts. he remembers how he use to have nightmares every single night when he was younger, dreaming of being chased by magical creatures he didn't even know existed yet. sometimes, he found that his nightmares would come true after a few days. like the time he dreamt his mother was being chased by someone and fell down large sets of stairs just for only a few days afterwards his mother would fall down their stairs at home while carrying laundry and sprained her wrist.

renjun remembered his parents becoming worried about their young son when his nightmares would cause him to sleepwalk. he'd wake up on the floor, or in their hallway, or even in the bathroom downstairs. no one's sure about why renjun has such and nightmares, but it started after his grandmother died. something from her passing had slithered it's way into his young mind. it felt dark that overtime made death feel less impersonal to him. there were some nights when renjun didn't remember what he dreamt of, and other nights where he couldn't help but think about it all day long after.

when he started at hogwarts, his parents were nervous about sending him off into a school where his nightmares might become worse and make him sleep walk into some trouble, but once renjun met ningning; his nightmares had stopped. peaceful dreams settled across his mind at night that put them all at ease.

so now, after partying with his friends for easter, renjun felt that dark feeling trying to slither it's way back into his mind. he instantly settled upon the thought to not tell his family or friends about it, he didn't want them to worry more about him, especially when they were so far away from him. it made renjun feel lonely like he did as a child again, to be the only one awake at this time at night with racing thoughts going through his head. at hogwarts, renjun put on a facade that he liked to be alone, but truly, he hated it.

astronomy class has always been your least favourite class at hogwarts. the fact that you were already tired from having no sleep and having to sit in a class that was so boring, made your insomnia escape your brain for once as you felt fatigue wash over you. professor sinistra was one of the nicest professors at hogwarts, but god, her class subject was boring.

you didn't even notice that you had actually fallen asleep on your textbook page that held the biography of nicolaus copernicus until professor sinistra slammed her hand on your table. you instantly jerked up in your sit, annoyed that you had been woken up, but embarrassed that you had fallen asleep in the first place.

"mrs y/l/n," sinistra sneered at you, her pretty face turned into an ugly frown, "you slept through the entire class." you looked around at the new empty classroom, you could hear the chatter from the hallways outside the door.

"oh, i'm sorry professor, i didn't get much sleep last night." you sat up straighter and explained to the astronomy teacher. a concerned expression was on sinistra's face now.

"get some better sleep tonight y/n." she loosened her tense shoulders.

"yes professor, i'm sorry professor." you apologized and gathered your things to head to your next class.

"but next time you fall asleep in my class there will be some consequences. do you understand?" her tone strict again.

"yes, professor. thank you." you smiled sincerely, and left her classroom. your fatigue now fell over you again as you thought of going to three more classes for the day.

"good job sleeping today y/n!" a voice said from beside you. you groaned at the recognition of it being renjun. his arms were crossed as he leaned against the castle wall outside of the classroom.

"oh shut up renjun, i'm not in the mood." you rolled your eyes, preparing to walk away.

"but y/n, do you know why you're so tired?" renjun stopped you, a certain tone in his voice now. you felt your body tense at his words, hoping he hasn't figured out about your sleeping disorder.

"why?"

"because of that muggle blood in you, of course only pureblood's can handle not getting the full nine hours of sleep that's recommended." renjun smirked at you. you huffed and fully turned to look at him. everything about him looked like how they usually did, neat and tidy and clean, expect for the small hint of dark bags under his eyes.

you titled your head to side as you examined them, "hm, well by the look of those bags i'd say even purebloods need to get some proper shut eye." renjun's smirk dropped at your words, giving you a final glare before turning to go further down the hallway away from you.

you knew that renjun took his studying and grades very seriously, so you figured that his physical lack of sleep symptom was caused to his almost obsessive studying habits. it had been years since you had thought about renjun's nightly nightmares, the thought of them never crossed your mind since you were eleven and ningning swooped renjun up under her wing.

you had always wondered how a certain person could cure such a thing, but stayed out of it because at least then renjun was getting some sleep.

the only time you had ever spoken to the pretty ravenclaw ningning was during summer breaks when you were practically forced to be around her. but even then, the two of you would rarely ever say anything to each other. she knew renjun hated you, which made her hate you too. ningning was more quiet about her hatred for you though. to be fair, she never really had a reason to hate you specifically, she thought you were very quiet, but nice.

during transfiguration class, the one and only class you shared with ningning in your final year, your tired eyes subconsciously chose to rest on her. her long, black hair fell over the back of her ravenclaw robe as she sat in front of you at the front of the class. you watched as her plush lips moved as she spoke with your classmates and laughed. you wish you had lips like hers, they'd suit your face more.

ningning caught you staring at her in the corner of her eye, causing her to turn around and look at your over her shoulder. when you didn't look away from her, still caught in your daydream of looking like someone else, she shook her head at you and mouthed the word "what?". you quickly looked away as you recognized the glare in her eyes as she looked at you with annoyance. you fidgeted with your fingers, trying to wash out the awkwardness that you felt within you now.

"don't worry about her, she's kinda a bitch." the wizard who sat beside you said. lee jeno shrugged at you, noticing the scene between you two. you chuckled lightly at his words, not sure what to say to one of renjun's best friends. "she doesn't like us hanging out with renjun either." jeno continued, noticing your shoulders still tense, his eyes widened with his words.

renjun was close with a certain group of 00' wizards- and ningning. you had noticed before that renjun was always either with the group, or ningning, never the two of them together.

"why's that?" you asked the gryffindor curiously.

jeno shrugged again, "says that we are a 'bad influence' on him." jeno made air quotations as she spoke. at first glance, you could see where ningning was coming from. all three boys that renjun was close with, did tend to have awful reputations around hogwarts.

"why does she get a say about who renjun does and doesn't get close with?" you asked further.

"she doesn't." jeno laughed, "renjun always comes to haechan's parties with us even though she get's super pissed about it." your eyebrows furrowed at jeno's words, struggling to understand why ningning felt the need to act this way towards renjun. "speaking of haechan's parties... there's one this friday if you want to come, it will be a lot smaller than his usual ones."

"nooo, i couldn't possibly go to one of haechan's parties." you shook your head, trying to not feel embarrassed by turning down such an exclusive offer.

"what? c'mon y/n, i haven't seen you at a party since year 6! you used to be so fun! there will only be a small amount of people coming! like a small get together!" jeno urged you, leaning over his desk to pout at you. you thought about how you used to party every weekend at hogwarts, whether it was at lee haechan's parties or other ravenclaws', you used to have so much fun before your insomnia developed.

"fine. but only this time!" you agreed, smiling when jeno's eye smile appeared on his face.

"great! i'll tell haechannie to make sure you get an access code!"

"perfect."

------------------

the day before haechan's supposed 'small' get together, a slytherin girl named tzuyu slipped you a small note that held the access code and location of the party. tzuyu winked at you briefly before skipping off down the hall, her long dark blue hair flowed behind her as she turned the corner.

you recognized the location as a small common room space that was not supposed to be used anymore, though you figured lee haechan's royal parents had somehow persuaded dumbledore to allow haechan access to it. you thought that not too many people would be able to fit in the common room so maybe jeno wasn't over exaggerating it too much to get you to come.

-

jeno was definitely over exaggerating.

you were surprised at the very large sea of students that were all lounging around the old common room. you instantly felt like did you not belong in the 'party scene' anymore and that you should just go back to your dorm where you would struggle to sleep all night.

"y/n! you made it!" jeno greeted you before you could make your escape. you smelt the faint scent of giggle water off of him and laughed to yourself as you could see how much he had drank on his face already. "let's get you a drink, yeah?"

"ok." you nodded, thinking that maybe giggle water would calm you. "where's your girlfriend?" you asked jeno, knowing that he was apparently madly in love with a slytherin witch in the year below you two.

jeno shrugged with a smile as he guided you through the students in the common room, "she's not really a... people person." your mouth formed an 'ah' form as you understood what he meant.

the drink table at the 'small get together' was filled enough for the whole school, including the professors, to get a drink. red solo cups were already scattered over the large table, and different kinds of drinks were present. you poured yourself a giggle water to match jeno and slowly sipped it as you watched jeno drink more of it himself.

"okay, lets go sit with the rest of them!" jeno smiled, tilting his head to the other side of the room.

"is... renjun there?" you asked cautiously, hating the idea of spending time with him and his friend group. jeno's large smile faded to a smile one as nodded.

"yeah... and ningning."

"oh god! i'm not going over there!" you scoffed, thinking that your fun for the night was already over as you felt the giggle water just started to digest into your system.

"nono! c'mon y/n! you can sit with me and shotaro!" jeno grabbed your shoulder, hoping that the mention of your years' nicest hufflepuff would let you stay. you had spoken to shotaro a couple of times during your time at hogwarts, he had only transferred to your school two years ago, right around the time your insomnia had developed. almost instantly, shotaro had become apart of the 00' wizard group, making it rare for you to speak to him. every time you got a chance to, he was always polite and didn't mention your purple eye bags.

"fine." you smiled softly, following after jeno through the lounging students again.

the 00' wizard friend group was sat on a couple of couches that were aligned in a square, a small table sat in the middle of them that held multiple red solo cups. the first person you noticed was renjun. his black hair was pushed back away from his face, making his forehead visible and his glasses were no where in sight. it definitely wasn't the first time that you had seen renjun without his glasses, but now was a reminder of how grown up he looked without them. directly beside renjun was ningning. her long black hair was pushed up into a ponytail that fell over her shoulder. she wore a tight black dress that allowed for the pale skin of her legs and shoulders to be shown.

"guys, y/n is gonna sit with us." jeno interrupted their chatter. haechan, shotaro, yangyang and yangyang's girlfriend; ryujin were all sat on the couches along with renjun and ningning. they all smiled welcomingly at you.

"uh no, she is not." renjun spoke with an annoyed tone.

"oh my god," haechan groaned, "not tonight renjun. just give it up for once okay? the hatred between you guys was funny when we were eleven, we're gradates in two months! just grow up!" haechan took a sip of his drink and moved over so you could sit between him and jeno. across from you shotaro smiled, he knew that besides jeno, he was the only one you were acquainted with. you noticed ningning stiffen as she watched you interact with them, leaning closer to renjun.

a silence washed over the group, though cheering from the other students and the music interfered with complete silence. you noticed that one of the usual 00' wizards weren't sitting in the group with them.

"is jaemin not coming tonight?" you asked curiously, knowing how close jaemin, renjun, haechan and jeno were. you felt jeno tense beside you, rolling his eyes at the mention of jaemin's name.

"we don't really hang out with jaemin anymore." haechan responded to you, glancing over at the now. annoyed jeno.

"oh." you nodded awkwardly. ryujin sensed how you were feeling and leaned across the coffee table to hold onto your knee briefly.

"it's a long story." she nodded with a gentle smile, "it''s better if we don't go into it." she spoke and leaned back into yangyang's arm. "but we were just going to play truth or dare!" the atmosphere in the group lightened up at the mention of the game. you could still feel renjun's sulking in the corner.

"yeah! wanna play y/n?" shotaro asked you with a bright smile.

"uh sure, but i haven't played in a while." you agreed.

"oh! well since it's your first time playing in a while, why don't we explain to you how we play?" ningning asked you, her pretty plush lips were formed into a smirk. renjun raised an eyebrow at his best friends idea, surprised at her tone when she suggested it.

"mm, not today ning, last time i was still affected by it the next morning, and trust me, snape does not like it when you say his robe makes him look pretty." haechan joked, making the rest of the group laugh.

"oh come on chan, ever since you got a proper girlfriend you've been just as boring as jeno!" ningning urged, making haechan and jeno glance at one another again with a look of confusion.

"yeah i'm with ningning, why can't we have a little fun with y/n tonight?" yangyang asked with a shrug.

"i'll play." you stated, wanting to see just what ningning was up to.

"great!" ningning sat up from her spot on the couch, "we play like usual truth or dare, but we have a little magic in it!" ningning pulled out a small potion bottle. you recognized the substance in the bottle as veritaserum, it's green colour instantly identifiable. "we take a sip of this potion to make the truth part of the game a little more fun. and if you refuse to do a dare, you must drink!" veritaserum was the most powerful turn serum in the wizarding world, it's duration of how long it would affect you was different for every brew and only powerful beings could create a safe potion.

"fun." you smiled, masking your slight fear of being too overly affected by it. ningning smirked at your final agreement and popped open the cork of the potion bottle and took the first sip. she passed the bottle to renjun who took a sip, and then it was passed from person to person in the little group you were on, you watched each of them take a sip before it came to you. you swirled the potion around as you looked down in the bottle, the potion sparkled back at you.

"you really don't have to drink it if you don't want to." shotaro reassured you. you smiled at him before taking a sip. the potion tingled in your mouth and its way down your throat. you passed the potion to haechan, the final person, and winked at ningning who sat in the corner after haechan.

haechan passed the potion to its owner and she smiled, "great. now let's begin. who wants to start?" ningning asked, looking around your group.

"i will." haechan volunteered.

"truth or dare, haechan?" ningning asked him.

"dare."

ningning sat back but kept her eyes on the royal slytherin as she thought.

"hm," she thought, her dainty finger tapping on her jaw, "i dare you to go kiss any slytherin witch in this room." the group was filled with groans and gasps at her dare.

"c'mon ningning, you know he won't do that." jeno rolled his eyes.

"and why not? it's not like he didn't do it before." ningning responded. you saw ryujin look at yangyang with confused eyes before looking at haechan.

haechan looked quite guilty as you looked to your left at him, it was the first time you ever saw him look this way.

"yeah but that was when he was with jennie." yangyang defended haechan.

"so he can cheat on one girlfriend but not the other?" ningning asked with a sick smile.

"no! it- it wasn't like that!" haechan interrupted them now, "it's whatever i'm not doing it so i'll just drink." he sat up and took a large sip of his giggle water before sitting back again. you saw renjun give ningning a confused look before he caught your eyes and glared at you again. "who wants to go next?"

"i will!" ryujin smiled, her short black hair swished as she moved away from her boyfriend.

"truth or dare?" haechan asked her lazily. it was obvious that haechan was annoyed by ningning.

"truth!"

haechan tilted his head with a grin on his face, "is yangyang the most attractive wizard in his friend group?" yangyang narrowed his eyes at haechan before looking at her.

"yes." ryujin replied quickly, a smile on her face as she turned to her boyfriend.

"awww!" yangyang teased her, bringing her in for a hug, kissing her face all over. haechan rolled his eyes, ryujin did not give him the answer that he wanted.

a few turns went around the group until it was your turn.

"truth or dare, y/n?" ningning asked you, leaning her elbows on her knees. you gulped quietly, nervous that everyone was looking at you with anticipation.

"dare." ningning smirked at your answer.

"i dare you to..." ningning thought, "kiss the hottest boy in the group." you raised an eyebrow at ningning, wondering what she was thinking with this question. all of the wizards except for shotaro and renjun were in a relationship in the group. you felt your body start to stand up, but you couldn't control it.

you sat atop shotaro's lap suddenly, you felt his body tense and his cheeks instantly blushed at your action. you felt everyone's eyes on you as you leaned closer to the hufflepuff boy.

"is this ok?" you whispered to shotaro, he nodded in response with a shy smile before you leaned in closer to his face. your lips met his gently at first, wanting to test how far he wanted to go first. his hands met your waist as he pulled you closer to him. you heard small gasps from the group, not believing what they were seeing. you peeked your eyes open and glanced over at renjun. his arms were crossed as he watched you sit on one of his close friends lap. his eyes were glued to where you and shotaro's bottom halves met. his glance travelled up your body, over your neck and widened when he saw you looking at him. his usual annoyed expression covered his face once he realized your eye contact.

you pulled away from shotaro, a smile on both of your faces as you sat back down in between haechan and jeno. both boys were on the verge of laughing their asses off from the scene they just witnessed.

"ningning's turn." you declared, looking over at your fellow ravenclaw witch.

"truth." you smirked at her response just like she did to yours.

"is it true that you want renjun all to yourself?"

the group went silent at your question. you noticed that all of them were giving each other a certain look that let you know you weren't the only one thinking it.

"what the fuck are you talking about, y/n? of course it's not like that! renjun and i are just best friends." ning ning explained with a look of anger and embrassement.

you glanced at renjun beside her, noticing how he didn't make eye contact with anyone, choosing to pay attention to the giggle water in his cup.

"if that's what you say ningning." you replied, sitting back into the couch with a smug expression. you knew that you obviously hit a certain spot in ningning by her response. the group of you still all sat in an awkward silence for a moment.

"ugh! see! this is why y/n shouldn't be around us! she makes it so uncomfortable!" ningning excalimed, pointing at you. "i'm so tired of you y/n and i don't even know you!" renjun looked between you and ningning, shocked at ningning's statement, but still held his notorious smirk on his face as he watched you become embarrassed at his best friends outburst. "i'm done for tonight, i'll see you all in class." ningning got up and left, patting renjun's thigh beforehand.

"are you gonna go after her junnie? or stay here with us?" jeno asked him, figuring that he knew the answer.

"i'll stay here, i wanna see who else y/n can annoy." renjun replied, surprising everyone with his answer. renjun smirked at you from across the couch, taking a sip of his drink as he watched you sink further into the couch. "you know, it's proven that muggleborns tend to be more irritating than other types."

"renjun." ryujin warned him sternly, surprising you that she stood up for you.

"what? it's just a fact."

"it's a false fact, so sit back and let us enjoy the rest of haechan's get-to-gether." renjun's mouth shut at ryujin's statement. she still sat in yangyang's arms, a gentle smile on her face as she looked at you, hoping that you still felt welcomed in their close-knit friend group. you were thankful for ryujin and the others, they distracted you from the glare renjun gave you for the rest of the night.

it had been over a week since you had gotten more than four hours of sleep straight. your days consisted of forcing your eyes to stay open during class, picking at your food to get some energy for the day, and then studying or reading all night due to the lack of need for sleep suddenly.

your astronomy class seemed to go by slower today as your eye lids started to feel heavier by the minute that passed. you only felt awake when your heard professor sinistra mention the word 'test'. you had studied for every subject this semester besides your astronomy one, thinking that you wouldn't' have a test for a while still. you mentally groaned at the thought. the coursework that you've handed in to sinistra haven't been good at all, your grades showed that.

"huang, y/l/n." sinistral called upon you two, "could you both stay after class for a minute today?" renjun and you glared at one another before smiling and nodding to your professor. you felt your self fidget as you waited five minutes until your class was dismissed for the day. you stayed sitting in your seat as sinistra walked to stand in-between you and renjun's tables.

"so, i know that the two of you don't get along." she started, the two of you rolling your eyes, feeling as if 'don't get along' was an understatement. "i was thinking, that since y/n could use a little help this unit, and renjun is the best in the class, maybe you could study together!" you always thought sinistra was the purest professor, but at this moment you couldn't help but mentally call her a down right bitch.

"no. way." renjun spoke your thoughts, sitting back in his chair as the idea of him studying with you. sinistra frowned and looked at you withhopefullness, but to only frown again when she saw you shake your head.

"but why not? you two need to get along at some point, and it could beneficial for both of you if you studied together!" sinistra tried to persuade the both of you.

"how would teaching her about astronomy be beneficial for me?" renjun asked with disgust in his tone.

"because renjun, i would put it on your student transcript that you were a full time tutor in my class for the year." sisnitra made a deal with him. the thought perked renjun's ears up a little as his goal after graduating is to become an astronomer. "and for y/n, your grade would increase a lot which will help your overall average!" renjun and you made a quick glance at each other, hatred still in your eyes, but both of you knew that you couldn't turn down an opportunity like this.

"fine." both of you spoke, a smile growing on sinsitra's face.

"good. i expect to see you two together every tuesday and thursday in the library studying."

"tuesday and thursday?!" you two spoke at the same time again.

"isn't once a week enough?" renjun asked.

"does it have to be in the library in front of everyone?" you asked.

sinistra simply chuckled at the two of you, "yes and yes." renjun and you sat back in your chairs again, feeling the disbelief setting in. "now enjoy! because good things will come out of this!"

"as if." both of you mumbled together, glaring at each other. sinistra grinned, clasping her hands together and walked back to her desk, excited for the plan she just created.

the first time renjun and you had to attend your astronomy studying session- it was a shit show.

it started with you questioning him about why he insisted an answer was right when he gave no further details as to why it was right.

"why do you always have to interrogate me when i give you an answer?" renjun shouted in the library, causing the other studying students to look in your direction.

"because i don't know where you're getting these answers from! you could be making them up for all i know!" you yelled back at him in frustration.

within ten minutes into studying, both of you stormed out of the library with rage flowing through your blood.

-

the second time, a week later after complaining to professor sinistra about it, renjun and you sat in the back of the library, so if you two did end up fighting, at least it wouldn't be in front of everyone.

the two of you managed to gover one concept from the first unit before insulting each other and studying in silence for the rest of the hour and then leaving quietly in opposite directions.

you spoke to professor sinsitra about it again immediately, explaining to her that it just wouldn't work out.

sinstra sighed, "why can't both of you get along, y/n, its for your education as a witch."

"because he's- he's- ugh." you tried to explain to your professor, "he just doesn't like me! i try to be nice but he gets so angry with me." sinistra put her hand on your shoulder, taking your attention away from the floor of the classroom.

"i'm aware that renjun and you have known each other for a long time, has there been a time that you've tried to explain yourself to him?"

you thought about it for a moment before shaking your head, "no, we always just go straight into fighting when we're together."

"i see." sinistra thought out loud, "how about next study session you try to communicate with him about your dislikeness of each other and tension you have together."

you nodded at her words, "i'll try professor- but no promises."

-

your stress levels were increasing as your sleeping hours were decreasing. you had thought about how to talk to renjun all week, but always came up with nothing by the time you were mentally fatigued. when your now weekly astronomy study lesson with renjun came, you were nervous. you had never been nervous to be with renjun before now.

you got to the library earlier than him, skipping lunch and wanting some extra time to try to figure out how you could talk to him. you sat in your now usual spot in the back of the library, under a large sky window that gave you more light.

when the pureblood sat beside you at the circle table, you were shocked at how tired he looked himself. you figured it was because he was studying himself to death the night before.

"hi." you spoke quietly, your fingers playing with your writing quill.

renjun quirked an eyebrow at you as he pulled out his astronomy textbook, "hi?" you already felt the usual hatred filled tension growing around the two of you, smothering you again.

"can we talk?" you blurted out quickly- so suddenly that it startled him, his head jerking up to look at you. "s-sorry, can we talk about- this?" you asked quietly, gesturing between your bodies.

"what do you mean?" renjun asked cautiously, turning to look at you completely. his eyes scanned your body, noticing one of your thigh high socks had slid down your leg, allowing him to see the soft flesh of your thigh. it reminded him of when you sat on shotaro's thigh, grinding against his lap in the short dress he never thought he'd seen you in.

"i mean, the whole "enemy" thing we have going on. i'm tired of it. and i don't like it."

your words made him snap out of his thought and renjun smirked as your fingers gestured around the word "enemy", "what don't you like?"

"the tension... that we have." you bit your lip as you struggled to explain yourself. renjun stared at your lips that he's sworn so many times he hated. he hated the way your lips always had a better insult than his, how they always managed to piss him off, how they ended up on shotaro's before they did his. renjun's last thought surprised himself. he's been aware that he hasn't been able to stop thinking about shotaro and you, and how he imagined that it was really him under you, just so he could shut you up for once.

"how about we just relieve some of this tension between us then, huh?"

"wha-?" you were cut off by renjun's pressing his lips against your own. it took a second for you to clue in what was happening, buty you backed away from his lips in shock. "what are you doing, renjun?"

renjun half smirked at you, his lips now slightly red from kissing you. "what i just said, relieving some tension." renjun's voice was in a deep tone that you've never heard before. it sent shivers down your back at the low octave he spoke at. "do you not wanna kiss me y/n?"

"i- i don't know." you replied, your eyes suddenly not being able to pull away from renjun's pouted lips and the dark lust that was growing in his pupils.

"let me kiss you, y/n. just one more time." renjun said, putting his head closer to yours again. you didn't say anything, but brought your lips to your enemy's. this time renjun was shocked, but he didn't pull away form you.

the two of you sat in the back of the library, away from everyone else, and your lips were pulled together. neither one of you pulled away as you were both sucked into the other's presence. renjun's lips made you feel like they were made for you. they made butterflies grow in your stomach.

you were so addicted to renjun now that you didn't stop him when he started to play with the hem of your blue, plaid skirt. his warm fingers traced your upper thigh that was bare to anyone to see. it reminded renjun of the night you made out with shotaro in front of everyone. the way you didn't care if anyone saw you turned him on so much.

both of you didn't notice how messy your appearances were getting with the both of you basically petting each other now. renjun's hand gripped it's way into your hair, forcing you to kiss him longer. while his other hand was now tracing the wet spot that was the slit of your panties.

"fuck, jun." you whimpered out as his index finger glided over your clit.

"do you want to relieve more tension, y/n?" renjun whispered into your ear, a cocky smirk on his face. you could only nod as you peered into his eyes through his circular glasses.

suddenly, renjun's hand that was in your hair made it way onto your throat, squeezing it tightly, "use your words y/n. or are you just a muggle that gets so easily flustered by the simplest thing like kissing?"

"yes, jun, i wanna relieve more tension." you whimpered out, your voice quiet as his grip on your throat made it hard for you to talk.

renjun kissed the the corner of your lips at your answer, pleased with it. his hand left your throat, and moved down to your panties that were under your skirt. he was shocked with the amount of wetness your panties held now.

"hm, don't tell me you like being choked y/n." renjun teased you, his fingers dipping into your panties as he watched a blush cross your lips. his fingers traced over your clit freely now without the fabric of your panties in the way. he watched the way you bit your lip to be quiet, your eyes scanned the library. "don't worry, no one's gonna see us, there are all eating lunch now right? just be quiet like a good girl."

"fuck." you whimpered out, listening to renjun's words and allowing for yourself to be touched by your enemy.

his index and middle finger sunk into your tight, wet hole. brushing against your g spot automatically at a slow pace. his breath was in your ear as he moved closer to you in his chair, blocking the actions that were happening under your skirt more, just in case someone did come by.

quiet whimpers left your mouth, not wanting to be caught, but wanting renjun to know he was already making you feel good.

renjun made sudden taps on your clit with his hand, making your jump up slightly in your chair form the contact. renjun chuckled at your reaction.

"it's cute how sensitive you are y/n." renjun whispered lowly in your ear.

"shut up." you cursed at him, your grabbed his hand and pushed them down to your hole, wanting to reach your high already.

"god you have no manners." renjun laughed, but slid his fingers back into your dripping hole.

as his fingers started to pound into your a face pace, both of you could feel your juices dripping down and onto the chair beneath you and his wrist. renjun was so turned on by how wet you had gotten from him.

when renjun started to scissor his two fingers inside of your pssy you knew it was over for you.

your hand gripped the table roughly as your orgasm approached at a fast speed.

"fuck renjun, just like that." you whispered to him.

"yeah you gonna come on my fingers y/n?" he teased you more, his pace not slowing down as he wanted to see how pretty you'd look as you reached your high. his thumb started to circle your clit at the same time, pushing you finally over the edge.

"f-fuck my gods." you groaned out, leaning in towards renjun as his fingers became more wet with your cum.

still sensitive, renjun pulled out his fingers from your dripping hole and put them inside his mouth. his eyes rolled back at your taste as his tongue circled his own fingers, not leaving a drop of you behind.

you whimpered at his actions, embarrassed slightly. "you taste so good y/n. it's a shame i couldn't taste from the real thing." renjun fake pouted, leaning in and kissing you, making you taste yourself as well.

with you still struggling to catch your breath from reaching your high and kissing renjun without a break, renjun started to pack up his things.

"what are you doing?" you asked him as you were slumped back into the library chair.

"i have a spare, so i wanna go back and try to sleep before dinner." renjun shrugged, "plus i don't think i can study after what we just did."

you sat back still and watched him sling his backpack over his shoulder.

"i'll see you later, y/n." renjun winked at your speechless, and left the library quickly before lunch ended, not wanting others to see his hard on.

"fuck." you whispered to yourself, "what the hell did i just do?"

----------------

you made sure to avoid renjun at all costs for the next week. even hoping that he would cancel your week's astronomy study. you didn't dare cancel it yourself, knowing that he would most likely make fun of you for being so shy around him now. but you couldn't help it! the incident that happened between the two of you last week had to be some sort of weird accident. you were tired! and he- he's renjun! he was probably just fooling around with you so he could get some leverage on you!

but only, renjun was thinking the same thing of you. he'd much rather have the 'enemy hatred' tension you two had before than this uncomfortable oh-my-god-i-know-the-way-you-taste tension. he couldn't even sit at the ravenclaw table to eat his meals. he would shove his way to sit in between haechan and yangyang at the slytherin table.

"what the fuck is wrong with you, mate?" yangyang asked, chewing sloppily on his sandwich as he scooted over to make room for the nervous renjun.

"nothing." renjun stated, hunching over his lunch.

"well why are you sitting here then?" haechan asked him, cringing at the way yangyang was eating.

"what? i can't sit with my friends?" renjun replied sheepishly.

"you can, it's just, you normally don't want to." haechan stated.

"well today i want to."

"i see," haechan nodded, "this doesn't have anything to do with y/n does it?"

"of course not!" renjun replied immediately, tensing at the mention of your name.

"merlin's beard." yangyang muffled before swallowing, "you don't have to be so loud and rude about it. we've all noticed how weird it's been with you and her recently."

"what the fuck does that mean?"

"he means that instead of the two of you bickering all the time, you avoid each other like the plague and don't even look at each other." haechan explains for yangyang. "did something happen?" haechan asked when renjun didn't answer.

"gods! nothing happened!" renjun groaned, although internally he was screaming 'yes i fucking fingered her!', "now i remember why i never want to sit with you guys." renjun grumbled, standing up and leaving the slytherin table, his food remaining on the table.

"where're you going now?" yangyang called out to him.

"to bed!" renjun replied, knowing damn well that once he put his head on his pillow his mind would start to play those awful visions on him again. but if it meant that it would get rid of the thoughts of your tiny whimpers in his ear as he felt your tight walls, then he didn't mind.

---------------

when the day came of yours and renjun's study day, you felt sick to your stomach.

you had no idea what had came over you the last time you had properly looked at the wizard- the wizard that you apparently hated with your entire magical being.

just like the week before, you got to the library early to hoepfully gain some composure for when the renjun would come. you hoped that he wouldn't show up, that he got sick and wouldn't be able to teach you astronomy today. but a small part of you hoped that he would come, and you would talk about the event that occured between you two. you hoped that he would tell you that it was all okay.

your body felt so tired, and that your eyes could close at any second, but your mind kept you fully awake with the anxiety that was taking over your tiredness.

"hey." renjun's voice made you jump suddenly as he appeared beside you.

you looked up at him as he stood beside you in your usual chair. his ravenclaw uniform looked wrinkled and his hair was pulled in every other way possible.

"are you okay?" you asked him, concerned with his unusual appearance.

"yeah, i'm fine." renjun shrugged, and pulled out the chair beside you to sit in. "ready for astronomy?"

"yeah... i guess." you replied quietly, feeling the awkward tension form around the two of you.

you both started pulling out your school supplies in order to study together, not a word was shared between you two. you were starting to think that the angry hate tension was more preferable then the tension you had now. you couldn't even look at eachother.

you went to pick up your pencil that was close to renjun, brushing your finger against his hand on accident as he went to grab the same pencil. immediately you drew your hand back in a quick jerk motion. "sorry!" you exclaimed, holding your finger as if it was on fire.

"i-it's okay." renjun replied, trying to sound cool but inside he was dying, he felt the tension just as much as you were and wish it would just dissipate into air so he could try to teach you something about fucking stars.

"look. renjun about the thing last week i-" you started, finding some confidence deep inside you.

"-let's just not talk about it!" renjun spoke quickly, "i mean, it was a one time thing right?" you felt your heart tighten at his words, them somehow not being the answer you wanted to hear from him.

"yeah, obviously."

"right, it didn't mean anything," renjun smiled at you, a smile that hurt you more than his glare. "we both still hate eachother, yeah?"

you forced yourself to smile back at him, a smile that he could most likely tell was fake but chose not to say anything. "of course, we're enemies."

"yeah, haha, enemies." renjun copied you, his quill shaking between his fingers. the beat of silence went through you again. "do you mind if we not study today? i'm just really tired today, didn't get much sleep last night."

"yeah sure, it won't do any harm if we skip one day." you replied, your heart tightening more as the interaction with renjun went farther and farther than how you dreamed it would.

"great! i'll see you class!" renjun smiled a fake smile that was so similar to yours. he packed his things quickly in order to leave the library. "and y/n," he stopped before leaving, "make sure you get some sleep tonight, you look like shit." renjun smile at you, beforing leaving with a quick pace in his step, you watched his black hair close the door behind him. though you sat in silence, the rest of the library was still packed with chatter from the other studying students and professors. it made you feel alone though you physically weren't. you hated this feeling, but still found comfort within yourself.

you only needed yourself. no stupid renjun that made you feel butterflies in yoru stomach when he whispered dirty things in your ear and made you feel like you were the prettiest thing he's ever seen. you repeated this over and over again, trying to reassure yourself that you were okay, but still, the thought of the pureblood ravenclaw danced in your mind.

------------------

now at this time of night, you make your way down to the library, where librarian leaves you a spare key hidden in the portrait beside the large door. the castle hallways are basically deserted, the students who stay up late to cause trouble have even gone to bed to get enough sleep for their classes tomorrow. since the library is completely empty, this lets you take your time, finding the perfect spot in the library to sit and read. you walked through the aisles of old books, some of them so dusty that it's obvious they haven't' been touched in years. the books distract you from how really tired you are.

renjun, on the other hand, welcomes the opened library door as a sense of company. he wonders who would be in the library at this time of night. he notices that no lights are on in the library, the room only filled with moonlight through the large windows of the ceiling. there's no people directly in sight from his spot at the door, but he doesn't care about that. this seems familiar to him and real, and sometimes when renjun wakes up from one of his nightmares, he can't what what is real and what is just a facade.

you continue to scan the books that are on the shelves, trying to decide which one you want to read tonight. it's become almost a routine for you, pick a book to read, find the comfiest seat in the library and then camp out there until librarian comes in the morning and tells you to head to breakfast now. as usual, you allow for your mind to wander. simply choosing a book read for the night fades not wondering where your brother is in the muggleworld, how many shifts your parents had to pick up this week in order to pay for the bills. you're so deep in thought you don't notice when the nightmare filled wizard is standing next to you in the fiction book aisle.

"golding?"

renjun's eye bags match your own tonight. his usual black, neat hair is messy and lazily pushed back and tucked safely behind his heads. he's wearing his ravenclaw sweatshirt that they all get given in the beginning of every other year. you think to yourself that you must look similar to one another now, besides the ravenclaw clothing. you're both tired and a little disoriented. renjun smiles gently at you, waiting for you to answer his question. his smile is his usual know-it-all-smile, but its extremely dulled down by his lack of energy. his expression makes you anxiousness in a way that you've never known before, it's a comfortable anxiousness that almost feels nice but you know deep down its not. you haven't seen renjun in a few days, you decided to keep your down more, and eat your meals alone in the courtyard since the weather is warming up now.

it's the first time you've spoken to him since your mutual agreement that you'd still be enemies, and the thing that happened in the library two weeks meant zlich to both of you.

so, it takes you a minute to process what he's asking you about, before he points to the book you held tightly in your hand. you'd forgotten for a second that that was why you were standing in the book aisle. you knew that this book was your dad's favourite when he was in high school. so when you found the worn out copy of the lord of the flies on the shelf you knew you'd be feeling a melancholic happiness tonight.

"y-yeah, lord of the flies. have you read it before?"

"kind of, i know my parents have read it before and they've explained to me what happens. i think the whole lose your innocence trope is a little overplayed."

"well i mean, you can't choose when to lose your innocence, though it happens to everyone at different times. i think goulding did an excellent job writing about it within the children."

"sure, there's savergry in everyone, but i don't think savagery represents the loss of innocence." you quirked an eyebrow at his answer, a slow smirk found it's way onto your lips.

"what other books have you read?" you asked him. renjun grinned before telling you the long list of them all.

------------------

the hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry has never had a peaceful night in it's existence. when majority of the students have gone back to their dormitories, the hallways are still chaotic. you have become comfortable with the racket of the night. your house is usually empty when you are home. your parents are always working, and your older brother hasn't been home since he left for college three years ago. the castle is so crazy that it doesn't leave much room for you to think, which is exactly what you need sometimes.

renjun has started sitting in the library with you a few times a week at night, after he's woken up from one of his awful nightmares. by now, he knows about your insomnia, but he doesn't bring up during class or when he's with you. he doesn't dare mention the nightmares he's been having, only shrugging you off when you ask why he's awake at such an hour. sometimes, renjun would feel so comfortable that he would fall asleep in an awkward position for a few minutes.

when the two of you sit in silence, with the ghosts of the castle roaming around the bookshelves behind you, it feels sort of comfortable, like it's normal to not be sleeping so late at night. the two of you sit lazily back in some chairs, you would be reading a book, and renjun would be studying astronomy. you are wearing your grandfathers ravenclaw sweater. it's old and basically rotting away on your body, but renjun thinks that it somehow suits you so nicely. your hair is messy from your hands constantly running through it in stress.

renjun keeps taking small peeks at you, each time he would notice something different about you. like the little freckles that went down your neck, the constant rosy hue to your cheeks and your subtly chapped lips that showed you were stressed.

renjun thinks to himself that he could get use to moments like this. after thrashing around in his bed for an hour of having terrors, sitting with you could make the rest of his night bearable.

over time, the two of you have just anticipated seeing each other at night, softly smiling at each other when you met in the library. it caused a feeling that neither of you have felt before.

it felt like trust. and trust was something neither of you have ever been good at, although you never talk about it.

you get it from your parents, who hid things from you during your childhood in order to 'protect' you and your brother. things like the low income your parents were actually making, and where they went to at night when your brother would have to tuck you in. you miss your brother dearly, but you still get birthday cards in the mail every year from him. knowing that he's not dead makes you feel a little better at night when you can't stop thinking.

"do you know what you wanna do after hogwarts?" renjun asked you one night, breaking the welcomed silence between you two. you rest your book on your lap and shrug.

"i don't know really, my parents both went to college and hated it."

"i know i want to study astronomy, but i'm not sure if i really want to become an astronomer."

"why not? you love astronomy, why wouldn't you want to do it as a career?"

renjun shrugs now, "i don't want to ruin a beloved interest of mine with work related stress."

"i see," you nodded, "are you sure it's not because you don't want to disappoint your father?"

"wh- why would it have anything to do with my father?" renjun's tone suddenly got tense. renjun has always tried to live up to his father's standards as a son and as a strong ravenclaw. he had a lot to live up to since he came from a pureblood ravenclaw family. it was suspected of him to do great things, his father made sure to remind him every time he got a chance. some of his nightmares did include his father, and what would happen to him if he disappointed his father.

"because you talk about him in your sleep a lot."

renjun takes a deep breath at your words. "i just want to impress him. i'm tired of always feeling like i'm on the edge of disappointing him and the rest of my family. i want to be great for them."

"studying astronomy will be great."

"but studying astronomy will only make you an average person, not a great person like everyone expects me to be."

"well i know lots of witches that think astronomers are hot." renjun held back a smile from your statement.

"sure you do." renjun rolled his eyes, "i don't need to be an astronomer to get girls y/n."

"so i've heard. the 00' wizards really get around in this place."

"what? don't tell me you have never thought about getting with this." renjun gestured down his body.

"hm. actually you're not my favourite 00' wizards. but jaemin, yeah, he's hot." you grin, waiting for him to look over at you before you start laughing.

"oh god, don't mention that douchebag, he's must've gotten with every witch in this place, i'm surprised he hasn't tried his way with you he's so sleazy." both of you laugh at the mention of na jaemin, thinking about his long history of witches at hogwarts.

somebody walks down the hallway outside the library doors, their footsteps steady as they strolled down. the noise from them can be heard so suddenly before it's gone again and the two of you are back in your little bubble in the library.

"i feel calm for once." you spoke, closing your eyes to take in the moment.

"calm enough to sleep?"

"nice try," you push his foot with your own. "i do miss dreaming though. it would be nice to escape reality for a little while at least.

"nah, dreaming isn't that special. it doesn't last very long anyways." renjun disagrees with your statement quickly, with a tone of annoyance. the thought of his nightly nightmares makes him upset easily.

you sigh, watching as a house elf sleeps peacefully at the librarians desk, too tired to stay awake to make sure they don't steal any books. you feel bad for the elf, cleaning up after everyone all day and then having to stay awake at night to watch guard. you always imagine how the house elves or ghosts must feel, trapped in this castle for many years. renjun watches you when you go into deep thought about other beings, you look so calm.

"why are you staring at me, pureblood?" you roll your eyes, picking up your book again.

"no reason ." renjun shrugs, but mentally hopes that your face is what he dreams of tonight.

-------------

renjun wakes up on the floor of his dormitory for the third time this week. it takes him a moment to realize that he's no longer on his bed anymore. the castle is cool in late spring morning. usually ningning will come bounding into his room to wake him up, but he's been hoping that you come to check up on him. he wants to wake up with you sitting in his desk chair, a book up to your nose like it usually is in your library visits. but no, there's no you, and there's no ningning.

renjun starts to think about all the things he needs to do today. letting his thoughts go further until reality hits him with full force when his prefect slams open his room's door.

"renjunnie!" winwin sings out, "w-what are you doing laying on the floor? i know the beds at hogwarts are used but i don't think they're that bad that you need to sleep on the floor." winwin is already dressed for the school day. his prefect badge shown brightly on his chest.

"are you okay renjun?" winwin asks when he notices how tired renjun looks. winwin opens the door more to examine the student. "if there's something bothering you you can tell me."

renjun stands up and starts finding his uniform for the day, wincing as winwin turns on the light in his room. renjun shrugs at his question, trying to ignore the ache in his back from sleeping on the floor. he figures he must've been there a while. "i'm fine, win."

"alright... breakfast starts soon, don't wanna miss it." winwin knows that renjun has been weird lately. he's heard him leave his dorm room in the middle of the night after hearing him talk and mumble in his sleep through the walls. winwin has noticed that he's barely been speaking to ningning either, and the two of them use to be inseparable. last year, when winwin was just made the ravenclaw prefect, he found renjun out in the ravenclaw common room late at night, asleep with a frown on his face on the floor. he woke renjun up and brought him back to his room. the two of them never spoke about it again, and winwin never told anyone about it, but he figures whatever happened then, is happening now.

breakfast that morning was very odd for him. ningning still wasn't talking to him and he couldn't keep his eyes off of you.

"you sleep okay renjun? you look like shit." jeno grasped ahold of him from behind, mangling his hair around.

"fuck off jeno." renjun groaned with a smile, pushing off his friend. "let's just go to class, alright?"

--------------------

as the snow continued to melt outside as spring made its appearance, you sat out in the courtyard, waiting for dinner to start in an hour. you wore a light jacket with a book in your lap. there were other students in the courtyard as well, but you paid no attention to them.

the sun started to set more as it approached dinner time. it created a mixture of orange and pink hues in the sky that lit up the courtyard. it was times like this that hogwarts felt so peaceful.

you start to let your thoughts control you mind for a while. you think about your family, and what your father must be doing right now. you've never been that close with him, though you share the same muggleborn blood. you think of how renjun must think of your father. if he thinks your bad, i wonder what he thinks about your father and the rest of his side of the family.

deep down you are jealous of renjun. he comes from a great ravenclaw pureblood family that are all close together. you liked spending time with renjun's family, it distracted you from your own chaotic one. with a runaway brother, a tired mother and lying father you figured anyone else's family would be better.

as if renjun could hear your thoughts about him, he walked out into the courtyard in front of you. his long ravenclaw robe wrapped around him to keep him warm from the brisk early spring breeze. the rest of the students went inside during your day dreaming, leaving only you and renjun now.

renjun quirked an eyebrow as he saw you sitting there by yourself, glancing around to see that no one else was out there. why would anyone be out there anyways? dinner was starting soon and it was getting damn chilly with the sun almost set for the night.

you watch as he walks closer to you. you feel almost awkward as you make eye contact, this being the only time you'd be together that wasn't in the middle of the night in the library. you wonder what he's thinking as he sits down next to you, almost anticipating what will happen now. you debate if he'll insult you like usual, or inform you that he'll see you tonight in the library. you wonder if it'll be the latter, and he'll wake up in the library chair in a jolt with sweat dripping down his head like he's done so many times the past two weeks.

"y/n." renjun waves his hand in your face, his usual disgusted confused expression on his face as he looks at you. you realized that you had been doing out again as he sat beside you.

"hey." you replied, a soft smile. unsure of how this conversation was going to pan out. you notice how your hand resting on the stone bench were brushing against his hand; in an intentional accidental way that left both of you trying to ignore it. you didn't want to make it more awkward for you.

renjun observes your tired expression as you look at him, the sunset sky behind you makes you look beautiful to him in a way he's never thought of before. his own thoughts startle him as he looks away from you now and to the trees that started to grow their own leaves.

"what're you doing out here?" you asked him. you've never seen him out in the courtyard before, only a few times over your years at hogwarts and he was usually with his group of friends- never alone.

"i wanted a break from things before i go to dinner."

"is everything okay?" you've never asked renjun something like this in the years you've known each other, even when he fell off his bike and cut both his knees when you were nine.

"do you ever think about leaving the country?"

"all the time." you nodded, "is there anywhere you want to go?"

"i want to go back home- to china- jilin city. it's so nice there and it's where my mom's family lives." a silence washes over the two of you as you think about renjuns words. "is there anywhere you want to go?"

you think for a moment, glancing up at the sky as it turned a dark blue now. "paris i guess. my brother always spoke about it, so i wanna see for myself." renjun smiles at your words, thinking about how nice it would be to visit or to live in paris, especially with you.

-

the walk to the great hall for dinner was silent, both of you tired and hungry. when you got closer to the busier hallways, you split up away from each other, still mentally use to being each others long life enemies. as renjun walks farther and farther ahead of you, you don't take your eyes off of him. he's been sleeping more in the library this week, instead of reading a book beside you. of course he wakes up after a while, either from a nightmare or just because he's decided he needs to go back to his dorm room. she's been sleeping herself in the library, when he's on the chair beside her. it's an odd feeling when she wakes up and he's no longer there.

when they enter the great hall, most of the students have already started eating. renjun sits down at the front of the table with winwin and xiaojun, smiling as they speak in their mother tongue together.

you sit at the back of the table, across from a nice girl named sana. she smiles at you as she catches you staring at her. you've spoken to sana a couple of times in your shared ravenclaw common rooms, but not too often to call each other friends.

"how are you feeling about the house cup points?" sana asks you, taking a bite of her meal.

"who's winning right now?"

"hufflepuff." sana rolls her eyes, stabbing the meat on her plate. "they've been getting favourited since the start of the year!"

"oh whatever san! just admit that we are the better house!" the hufflepuff prefect named momo laughs, wrapping her hands around sana's shoulders from behind and shaking her. momo and sana have been friends since their first year at hogwarts, they were basically inseparable.

"seriously momo! don't you think it's a bit odd how the hufflepuffs earn fifty points a day?!"

"nope! not at all! come, let's go study for the astronomy test!" momo laughs, pulling sana up from her chair.

"see you later y/n!" sana waves at you, following her best friend out of the great hall.

you forgot about the astronomy test, mentally thanking momo for mentioning it. you quickly finished your dinner, leaving some broccoli behind, and went back to your dorm room to try to study for it. you turn your head before you exit through the doors, catching renjun's eyes with yours. you smile softly at him again, this time feeling a bit embarrassed. you basically expect renjun to just roll his eyes and look away, but instead, the right corner of his mouth turns up into a smirk for a moment, before turning his body back to look at winwin.

you close the door behind you, feeling a butterfly flying around your stomach alone at renjun's action, cursing yourself for letting him have some effect on you still.

-------------

renjun enters the library at night, knowing that you'd be alone sitting in your usual chair reading a different book than the previous night. he's always wondered how could you read through a book so fast everyday. it's one of the things renjun admires about you but would never tell you or anyone in that matter.

as he approaches you, he can sense that you actually aren't alone in the library. there's something dark, maybe evil lurking around in the far book shelf. he wants to call out to you, tell you to get up right now and follow him out into the hall. he wants to run and grab your hand, hold onto it tightly as he pulls you out of the library.

but he can't. he's stuck standing at the front of the room beside the librarians desk. he can't speak or move a muscle as he watches something pass by the bookshelves in the far back of the room. it moves closer to your oblivious self, too absorbed in your book and thoughts.

the frustration grows inside of him as the dark figure now exposes itself into the pale moonlight of the library. it definitely is evil, and it definitely wants to hurt you. it gets closer and closer to you until you feel it's presence. you turn around to see what is behind you, your face contours into shock and fear as you see the dark, evil figure.

the figure jumps at you, covering your body as it begins to take you away from hogwarts, take you away from renjun. renjun sees your eyes meet his through the figure's arms.

"help renjun! please help me!" you cry as you feel your soul being ripped away from you.

renjun tries to jerk his body forwards to reach you, but it's no use. he's stuck at the front of the library, like there's super glue on the bottom of his shoes. he hears your crying get louder and more painful. renjun wants to do something, he can't stand here and you get ripped away bit by bit in front of him. the figure continues to cover you, until renjun can't see or hear you anymore. he feels a tear drip down his cheek, at least his tear can move.

the figure stops moving, and looks up toward renjun. he notices that you're gone and only the dark figure remains with an evil grin. it starts to move towards him.

"renjun!?" renjun jolts awake from the floor of the common room. winwin is crouched over him, shaking him awake with a concerned look on his face. other ravenclaw's have circled around renjun, all worried or scared expressions on their faces as they look down at the pureblood ravenclaw. "renjun are you okay?"

winwin mentally kicks his past self at how he could let renjun suffer for this long. he knew that something like this would happen. renjun sits up by himself, and looks around at all the whispering ravenclaws that stared at him. "i-i'm fine." renjun states, though he does not feel like it all.

"okay good! now everyone, back to bed! there are only a few more hours of sleep before classes start!" renjun jumps, the prefect smile he's practiced so much on his face as he persuades everyone to go back to sleep. the students take one last glance at renjun, before nodding and walking back to their own dorm rooms.

winwin stays with renjun on the floor of the common room for a while. the two of them watching the fireplace crackle to warm up the castle before spring and summer settle in. winwin wants to speak, but he knows renjun. he knows that renjun likes to keep his feelings to himself and bottles them up until he can't take it anymore.

"you were screaming so loud." winwin starts cautiously," the loudest you've ever been, i thought something bad was happening. you weren't even in your dorm room!" renjun's eyebrows crease together at win win's words, not believing what he was hearing. "how about i take you back to your bed, huh?" renjun nodded and followed his prefect back to his room.

-

winwin sat in renjun's desk chair as renjun lied awake in his bed. he told winwin that'd he'd be okay, and for him to go back to his prefect room, but winwin refused.

"what's been bothering you renjun?" winwin asked, "and be honest, don't pull your usual renjun shit and become all arrogant with me when someone asks if you're good."

renjun sighs, his breaths now even unlike when he woke up in the common room. "i don't know win. just these nightmares you know."

"what was it about tonight?"

renjun hesitated before speaking quietly, "y/n."

"y/l/n y/n?!" winwin exclaimed, "your enemy?!"

"shh!" renjun shushed him, his head still hurting from his nightmare. "yes, her."

"well what happened?"

"she just... got hurt. and i couldn't do anything."

"since when do you care if y/n got hurt?"

"i guess since we've been hanging out more." winwin has never been so shocked in his entire life. his friend that he thought he knew everything about is just completely ruining the image that winwin had of him.

"what do you mean hanging out?"

renjun shrugs, because he doesn't even know what he means. does making out once in the library and both having sleeping issues mean hanging out?

"man i had no idea." winwin sits back in renjun's desk chair, shock evident on his face. "do you... like her?"

"no!" renjun exclaims, suddenly, as if he wasn't dying of sleep exhaustion inside.

"jeez!" winwin said taken aback, "fine fine. what are you gonna do then? if you're having these nightmares about her?"

renjun shrugged again, rolling over so his back was now to winwin. "i'm tried win." winwin sighed at the usual renjun coming out.

"you know you can talk to me renjun, i won't judge you." renjun closed his eyes as he listened to winwin. "you're my friend, my favourite ravenclaw student, you're like my family. it hurts knowing that you have these nightmares all the time. i thought they were gone... i wish you would've told me sooner junnie."

"i'm sorry." renjun apologized without looking at winwin. he couldn't bear to see how worried his friend must look, it would hurt him more inside. "i really am win. and i appreciate you. but i'm tired, and i want to sleep." renjun spoke with a tone that hid how upset he was feeling.

"okay." winwin stood up after sitting with renjun for an hour. "i'll see you in the morning." winwin closed renjun's door, sighing as he walked back to the prefect room, hoping that renjun would be okay.

---------------

you hold a picture of your family as you mentally prepare yourself to go to class. your brother smiles so happily at the camera, it makes you wonder how he was so good at hiding how he felt. you look at your younger self in the picture, thinking about how you would have never thought your brother would leave you and your family. he'd never get to see you graduate like you did him.

in the picture, both of you look so similar, that it makes you wonder if you still do now. your brother and you have the same eye shape that you got from your mother, a few freckles on your nose from your father and that wonky smile that both of you smile with.

there's a knock on your door that pulls you away from your depressing thoughts.

"coming y/n?" sana smiles at you, "don't wanna be lack to astronomy right?"

you sigh with a smile, "riiiight." sana smiles at your sarcastic tone, she knows just how much you hate astronomy class.

you expect to walk into the class and see renjun, knowing that at least he loved the class. you hadn't seen him last night in the library. you were lonely as you couldn't fall asleep and read alone in the library for hours, only managing to get 30 minutes of sleep last night. you figured that maybe renjun had gotten some good nights sleep for once, which you were happy about, though you envied the thought of him getting more sleep than you.

it was odd for renjun to miss a class, especially if it was astronomy class. you notice that even ningning and jeno are exchanging odd looks to one another at the empty seat beside jeno. ningning shrugs and turns around to finish her makeup. jeno looks at you, making you quickly look away.

"y/n." jeno whispers calls to you. you mentally hit yourself but look at the quidditch captain. "do you know where renjun is?"

"no i don't, sorry." you smile and look back down at your textbook as jeno nods and turns back around. you start to worry about renjun, but just think that maybe he's having a sick day.

-

when you get back to the ravenclaw common room after your classes today, you're relieved when you notice that no one else is there yet. you hurriedly walk into the wizard hallway, not wanting to be caught. you're about to knock onto renjun's dorm room when someone down the hall calls your name.

"y/n." you turn to face your prefect winwin. his brown hair was styled the way it usually was; pushed back with a strand hanging down his forehead; but he looked far more tired than usual. "don't you know by now that you aren't allowed in the wizard hallway? please head back to the witches hall okay?"

the hall is quiet as you stare back at your prefect, sensing that he's hiding something from you.

"is renjun okay, winwin?" you asked him suspiciously. the hall fills with some sort of tension that you've never felt with your prefect before. it feels uncomfortable and awkward.

"yes, he's okay y/n. but he shouldn't see anyone right now okay? he's tired." winwin examines you as he speaks, eyeing you down and noticing just how similar you look to renjun right now. the dark circles under your eyes show the lack of sleep and the wrinkled uniform that shows you've been rummaging around in it for a while. "how about we go talk outside?" you agree and follow winwin outside to the back of the courtyard, away from everyone so no one could hear. from a far it looked normal, just a ravenclaw talking to her prefect about something, no one know that their topic would be renjun.

winwin sits back against the stone bench, watching all the other students live their own lives. you're sitting beside him, twiddling with your hair to keep you distracted from the weird silence between you two. outside is a nicer day than it was the day before, the air smelt like spring.

"did i upset him, winwin?" you ask him, breaking the silence.

"no." he replies easily.

"is it something about his nightmares?" you look up at the new leaves on the trees. "say something."

"he's just in one of his moods today y/n, you out of everyone know how he can get."

"so he doesn't want to see me?"

"not today. he doesn't want to see anyone. he's tired. maybe tomorrow." winwin mentally hopes that tomorrow renjun will be okay. he told dumbledore early in the morning that renjun was feeling 'under the weather' and won't be in class for at least three days. winwin stayed outside renjun's door even though he'd told renjun he'd leave. he listened to his almost silent cries for a few hours, before soft snores left his mouth. when he woke renjun up this morning, he could sense how tired and upset renjun was. he didn't seem like his usual self. winwin knows how stressed renjun is, so he gave him a few days off from the world.

"i've been sitting with him in the library every night for almost three weeks now winwin. what's wrong with me?" winwin knew that you'd never just take the answer he's given you, but he also knew that renjun would kill him if he told anyone about renjun's nightmares, especially when they're about you.

"he'll tell you okay, y/n? just give him some time." winwin sits and watches you stare off into the courtyard now, as if your mind has left your body completely. he can tell how much you care about renjun, but he doesn't say anything. he knows that renjun doesn't like when people care about him too much, that's especially why he even pushed away ningning after a while.

you finish taking in the courtyard's new appearance and stands up away from winwin. "renjun of all people should know how i'm feeling right now- how he's making me feel. i'm stressed too. i'm tired too. i just thought he'd want someone to feel like that with."

------------------

the evening that ningning came up to you in the courtyard was a cooler one. everyone else was still inside, digesting their sunday dinner still. hogwarts school of wizardry and witchcraft always made sure to go full out on sunday dinners.

you had decided to skip it. you weren't hungry anyways.

the automatic lights in the courtyard had just switched on for the night when the ravenclaw girl approached you. she looked the same as always; pretty and bitchy. you mentally groaned when you saw her walking at you will a full intention of obviously talking to you.

"y/l/n." she spoke, her eyebrows furrowed in towards each other. she was definitely a lot more pretty when she smiled rather than her expression now.

"hi, ningning."

"where's renjun?"

"i don't know."

"what do you mean you don't know. i know you guys have been seeing each other at night. what have you done to him?"

"how do you know that?" you asked her curiously, there's no way that renjun would've told anyone that he was hanging out with you.

"i have my ways, y/l/n, you should that by now, we've known each other for quite awhile." ningning crossed her arms over her chest.

"well i wouldn't say we know each other bu-"

"whatever y/n! what have you done with renjun!? ever since you started hanging out he's been avoiding me!"

"i haven't done anything to him ningning." you kept calm so far.

"please y/n. with your muggle blood, you could be up to anything! what did you do, huh? give him some amortentia? that's exactly what you did! poison him!"

you stood up so you were eye level with her now, "i didn't do anything to him ningning! maybe he just finally realized how much of a bitch you are! just like everyone in his school has!"

"merlin's beard y/n. get over yourself. renjun would never just want to be around you! you're basically a muggle! a disgusting mutt that shouldn't even be allowed to step foot on this castle!"

"shut up!" you cursed at her, instinctively pulling out your wand and aiming it at her.

ningning stumbled back away from you, but stopped when she saw you weren't going to do anything, "gods, y/l/n, you really are crazy." she said in a quiet tone. "renjun hates you and your blood, you're not good for him so just stay away." she shook her head at you, walking backwards with a disappointed expression.

you didn't put your wand away until she was out of your sight. leaving you heaving with adrenaline and sadness pouring through your muggle veins. you knew what she was saying was just aiming at you to get angry- to get all your insecurities running through your mind. but her words hurt- they always hurt.

you sat back down at your spot in the courtyard, wiping your cheek of a single, fallen tear. you didn't hurt renjun physically, but you didn't know if you were mentally causing him harm. maybe that why he doesn't even want to see you anymore.

everything was unknown to you- except for that fact that you definitely weren't going to be sleeping tonight.

--------------------

you never thought that you'd miss huang renjun. your life enemy.

one week of renjun staying in his dorm room, and you think you've officially become the type of lonely that you never wanted to be. you like to be alone, but lonely was a different feeling that you're not used to.

you've known renjun basically your entire life, but without seeing him for a week, you feel like you've forgotten what he looks like. your life feels different without him. you use to think how not having renjun in your life would be great! but now with that reality being present, you just feel like your life is slower and way too quiet for your liking.

you haven't slept since the last time you spent the night in the library with renjun. though, if you head straight for your bed after eating dinner, you manage to get an hour or two of sleep before staying awake for the rest of the night. you spent more of you time wandering the hallways at night, not caring if you got in trouble for it or not.

today goes by the same way all your days have been going for the past week. you sit in your classes, not paying attention to your professors. in the classes that you share with renjun's friends it feels odd to not see renjun sitting with them. they seem more quiet themselves now that they're missing one of their friends.

after your classes are one for the day, you sit out in the back of the courtyard where winwin and you spoke the week before. you liked people watching from afar- guessing what all the other students in the courtyards lives were like. it distracts you from your present reality.

you tried to get a peak of renjun the other day when winwin entered his dorm room, but it was no use. winwin slipped in too quickly and shut the door right after. you wanted to know how renjun was doing- how bad of shape was he in if he couldn't even leave his dorm room? you imagine that renjun must be in some pain that he's never felt before. you like to think that you could make him feel better, if only you got to see him.

---------------------

the spring rain starts two weeks in of not seeing renjun. its makes the sky a deep blue and the courtyard abandoned. you feel like hogwarts has settled into a deep slumber, as if it was waiting for renjun to leave his room- just like you were. you got a letter from your mother last week. when you opened the envelope you hoped that it would say your brother has returned home, but of course it didn't. you maybe even thought your mother would mention something about renjun's family being concerned about their son at hogwarts- but you were left without a word about that too.

tonight you sat in the library alone like usual. there was no annoying renjun beside you. sometimes it felt like he was there with you, you'd forget for a second that he wasn't. you'd read something funny in your book and look up to share it with him, but you'd only be met with his empty chair.

you started reading lord of the flies again. it reminded you of the months before when renjun first started joining you in the library late at night. it reminded you of the time you felt renjun's lips on yours. how warm they were. the book made you sad before, but now with the nostalgic feeling of renjun lingering within it's words, it presented a new type of sadness as you turned it's pages.

the sound of rain hitting in the library windows calms you as you try to enjoy being alone again. you figure that you better start getting use to the feeling again. the lord of the flies is being left as an offer to the beast, but it doesn't distract you from your outside thoughts.

"i thought i was helping him." you spoke aloud, knowing no one would hear you. ever since your brother left, you've picked up the small habit of talking to yourself. it use to ease you in a way, but now it just makes you feel mad.

"i thought we were getting over all the hatred in our past. i guess i was wrong. i guess i'll never actually know huang renjun." you close the lord of the flies and leave it sitting on your lap.

"we'll be better off once we graduate in a few months. we can go back to normal. we will only see each other during holidays, when our families get together like usual." the word 'normal' leaves a feeling within you. you got use to the new friendship that had grown between you and renjun- you didn't know if you wanted it all to go back to ignoring each other and throwing insults.

"he can take care of himself when we're done here. he has his pureblood family! he has friends like winwin and jeno that care about him." the rain picks up outside as you continue to speak. it reminds you of the storm that lead to chaos in the lord of the flies.

"i'll miss him though." you whispered now, "although i'm not sure who i'll be missing." the renjun you grew up with is so different than the renjun you've been sitting in the library with at night in the past weeks. you feel the urge of crying washing over you, but you push it back. you hate the feeling of it. you feel so dramatic when you cry. you start to stare off into the forest outside the window, watching as the trees blow with the rain and the wind.

"y/n."

a voice calls you from the front of the library where the doors are. you're so sleep deprived that you think you must be hallucinating now.

"y/n are you awake?" you turn your head where you think the voice is coming from - still unaware if its some sort of dream or not.

but renjun is indeed standing there. you feel your eyes widen as you take in his appearance. he's skinnier than you remember and his hair is sort of longer and un styled. his circle glasses are over his eyes and the dark eye bags he's been accustomed too are gone.

"renjun? what are you doing in here?"

"what? am i not allowed in the library anymore?" renjun asks, walking towards you.

"no! i - i mean yes! but i haven't seen you." you stumbled, watching as he sat down in his usual chair.

"yeah yeah. i needed some sleep." renjun shrugs in his chair. the chair feels as if it's new again he hasn't been here in so long. you still felt as if your tired brain was playing a trick on you.

"are you really here, renjun?"

"of course i am, what do i look like?" renjun asks with a quirk of his eyebrow, he pushes up his glasses. it feels like a stupid question to ask, but when you haven't slept in three weeks it feels almost necessary.

"i missed you." you spoke in a whisper, scared for his reaction. renjun stays quiet for a moment, glancing over your tired features.

"i missed you, too."

----------------------------

renjun's slumped over body takes up most of the chair he's sitting in. his head hung over the left side of the chair so he's closer to yours. his glasses have fallen down his nose again and his mouth is opened a tiny bit as he sleeps. the sun is starting to rise again, meaning students will be out in the halls soon.

it feels so familiar to watch renjun sleep again. its a time that you feel like you genuinely know who huang renjun is. you've never seen him sleep this hard while in the library and for this long. but as the rain stops and the sun continues to rise, you have to wake him up for school. before anyone comes in and sees him passed out in the chair.

renjun blinks hard as he wakes up to you nudging his shoulder gently. he looks around and forgets where he is for a second as he sees all of the book shelves. he recognizes you as soon as he turns.

"hi." you spoke softly, not wanting to be so loud in the morning. renjun smiles with a smile that you have not seen in weeks. it's tired but authentic.

"what time is it?"

"6:30."

renjun groans at your response, "ugh. i have to go back to my classes today." you nod, happy that you get to see him in class again. renjun closes his eyes again, and you imagine that he's thinking the same thing you are. "i better go back to the dorm before winwin notices im gone." renjun stands and stretches, feeling the ache in his back from sleeping lopsided on a chair.

"yeah, okay." you replied, knowing that he had to go but not wanting him too. you liked being alone with him, even if he was sleeping.

"hey, i'll see you in class, right?" renjun notices your change of demeanour, his hand gently grabs onto your shoulder to get your attention. his action makes you feel like you're really awake- the most awake you've been since he's kissed you.

"yeah. for sure." renjun smiles and squeezes your shoulder once before heading back to his dorm room, winking at you as he closes the library door. it leaves you alone again, making you realize how you never want to be again.

----------------------

your astronomy class mates were a bit confused when they saw how close renjun and you were sitting in class together. though, they didn't say anything loud enough for the two of you to hear. professor sinistra held a pleased smile on her face as she saw you.

the sliver ravenclaw rings renjun and you adorned on your fingers were gleaming as your hands rested on the table beside each others. you wanted so badly to reach out and trace his fingers that looked far too pretty beside your own, but you didn't dare. you didn't want the rest of the class to all look at you as if you had lost your mind. plus, ningning would probably have murdered you then if she saw it.

the class went on and your boredom increased with every minute. you saw renjun cover his notepad from your eyes, jotting down something quickly before silently ripping part of the paper out and folding it. he slid it non chalantly on the table towards you.

you questioningly picked up the note, unfolding it.

you held back your eye roll as you looked at renjun to professor, who had her back turned and was writing something on the board. as the professor continued to teach, you grabbed your blue pen and wrote back to renjun on apiece of paper from your booklet. you handed the note to renjun who read it with a smirk.

renjun wrote another note and slide to you without any one noticing, they were all to focused on learning during class.

you quietly scoffed and opened your mouth in shock at renjun, acting hurt at his insult. you crumpled his note and tossed it back onto his table. he smiled at you and went back to listening to professor sinistra.

after a while, you felt your tiredness start taking over again. you couldn't help it! the class was just so boring. you felt your eyes shut for just a moment, until something cold and thin started gently knocking against your knuckles.

your eyes shot open and looked down at your hand. renjun's wand was resting on your knuckles before bouncing and knocking on them again. you turned your head to your now ex-enemy, who looked pleased with himself. with your other hand you pushed away his wand.

you grabbed two of your books from the corner of your desk and put them under the hand that was closest to renjun, wanting something to prop your arm on. renjun shook his head at you with a look of disbelief, he didn't know how someone could find a class like astronomy so boring. though he liked when you slept, during class was definitely not the time for it.

his right hand grabbed your left one that was resting on your mini book stack. you turned your body towards renjun, heat on your cheeks warmed them as you felt some what embarrassed that others were going to look at you. though you made no movement to take your hand away from his.

you looked down at your intertwined hands, your ravenclaw rings matched each others as the cool metal of them contrasted with your warm fingers. his thumb lied over top your own.

"what? gotta keep you awake somehow." renjun whispered into your ear with a sneaky tone in his voice. you shook your head at him, but still didn't pull away your hand.

for the rest of the class you felt quite alert as you kept looking around to make sure no one saw what was happening in the back of the class. you were nervous that ningning was going to turn around and cast incendio at you. but you just couldn't let go of renjun's hand, it felt so comforting in a way that you knew would eventually break your heart.

----------------------

the nights in the library with renjun continued for a week. your conversations became more fun and you anticipated every night that came so you could be with renjun.

"have you studied for the astronomy test at all?" renjun asked you from his chair, skimming through some sort of historic astronomer book.

"nope." you replied, popping the 'p' sound.

"oh c'mon y/n, you must study!"

"ugh, but i hate astronomy."

"i know i know," renjun chuckled, "how about we continue our studying sessions tomorrow at lunch? i have nothing else to do anyways."

"okay." you agreed, "you don't have anything planned with the boys?"

"nah, i haven't spoken to them much..." renjun trailed off, looking deep in thought now. you had noticed that he's barely even glanced at jeno and the rest of them. ever since he took a small hiatus from school, renjun has been more... introverted than he usually was before. he didn't speak in class anymore, and only really stayed by you the whole day. "i'm going to try to go to sleep now, i'll see you in class tomorrow right?" renjun stood, zipping up his ravenclaw hoodie.

"yeah, for sure! have a good sleep, jun." you smiled, watching him leave the library.

"hey y/n," renjun called out to you before he fully left the library, "at least try to sleep tonight, okay?"

you give him a tired smile, "okay."

-----------------

"i can't do this." you groaned, falling back into your chair, "why do we have to learn this? i'm sure there are plenty of powerful witches that don't know if every black hole contains a singularity!"

renjun laughed at you, "there's only a few more questions y/n! try them!" renjun tried to encourage you, but he knew he was losing you. all lunch he'd been trying to teach you about what you were suppose to have learnt this semester in the class. you were getting more tired than ever by looking at pictures of space.

"ugh, let's just give up! class is suppose to start soon, anyways." you debated, pulling your textbook away from him and putting it in your backpack.

"what class do you have next?"

"boring transfiguration, what about you?"

"potions." renjun groaned. both of you began to pack up your things, along with the other students in the library. "wait," renjun stopped you suddenly, "how about we just skip next period? because i really don't wanna go."

"sure!" you immediately agreed, liking the idea of skipping such a dreadful class to hang out with renjun instead. you followed renjun and the rest of the students out into the hallway, blending in with them all. you wrapped your hand around renjun's upper arm to not lose him in the crowd of people.

you knew by now that the other students

-

your foot taps against the table in front of you, a sign that you were increasingly growing impatient as the hours of the night went on and you were still sat alone in the library. renjun had never missed a night in the library recently. ever since the three weeks that you were apart, you've been together every night. maybe he was having a good sleep for once, no intruding thoughts took over his sweet dreams.

when the large clock on the library wall indicated that it was almost 4 in the morning, you gave up waiting for renjun and went back to the ravenclaw dorm room yourself. maybe you could get some sleep for once too.

the ravenclaw dormitories were silent as even the portraits were sleeping at this hour. you could faintly hear someone snoring far down the hall, envying the unknown person for being able to sleep so well.

at the beginning of the dormitories, it splits into two halls; one for the wizards and one for the witches. you stood at the fork in the hallways, knowing that you should go back to your room, but you looked longingly at the wizard's hall. you wanted to just peek into renjun's room, at least then you would know if he was okay. you sighed and gave into your tempted thoughts, walking down the wizard's hall.

you stopped in front of renjun's room, standing quietly to see if you could hear anything from his side of the room. when there were no noises, you turned the old doorknob and pushed in gently. just as you predicted, renjun was fast asleep on his small bed.

you smiled to yourself as you observed his sleeping figure. sure you've seen huang renjun asleep before during the many summers and holidays spent with your families together- but you never thought huang renjun was beautiful until now.

renjun was laying on his side, his eyes closed in a peaceful way that let his eyelashes almost brush against his cheeks. strands of hair covered his forehead and fell down over his eyes slightly. his cheeks looked so plump as they were filled with sleep against his pillow.

you closed his down behind you as you fully entered his room. you could hear his quiet breaths follow his chests' movements until suddenly they turned heavy and harsh. you fond smile turned into a frown as renjun started to scowl in his sleep. his hand gripped onto the sheets beside his body in a tight grip.

you rush to his side, sitting softly on the corner of his bed beside him.

"shh," you cooed at his sleeping figure, "it's okay, it's okay renjun." your fingers thread through his hair, pushing it away from his face and behind his ear.

renjun's tense body slowly turned slack again as his nightmare dispersed as quickly as it had started. his scowl left his face and left you mesmerized with is beauty again. watching him sleep made you realize just how deprived you were of sleep. you tried to force your eyes to stay open but his gentle breaths were putting you qickly to sleep.

soon enough, your body had fallen slack like renjun's. your body hunched over on it's side as you sat up against the wall, cowering over renjun's top half. the last thought you had before you slowly loss consciousness was about how your adoration for renjun could affect you so much.

-

renjun woke up with a slight jolt as his mind was starting up a nightmare with him. he gasped quietly as he noticed someone crumpled up in his small dorm bed with him. at first, he thought it was a drunken haechan who had someone made his way to the ravenclaw dorm room again, unable to find his slytherin suite. renjun was about to scold his best friend, but stopped himself when he recognized your wrinkled ravenclaw robe.

renjun looked up so your sleeping face as it rested atop his pillow. he hasn't seen you sleep since you were younger, he'd always fall asleep before you and when he woke up, you were already awake. he took in yoru features much like you did to his hours before. though instead of just thinking about how beautiful you looked, his heart ached with something he couldn't think of. it felt poetic and he was never as good at words like you were, one of the things he was secretly jealous of.

"renjun!" winwin's voice called from outside his dorm room. instantly, you and renjun jerked up at his voice. it took a moment for you to clue in to what was happening, sleep still filling your mind, but when you met renjun's blown eyes you remembered where you were.

"uh y-yeah one sec, i'm just getting dressed!" renjun called back, gently pushing you off of his bed and pointing to his large wardrobe. you ran quietly across his dorm room to hide as renjun grabbed his slytherin robe and slipped it over his shoulders. he took one glance as you closed the door of his wardrobe to make sure you weren't in sight, and cracked open his door slightly.

"hey, win." renjun smiled at his prefect, "what's up?" winwin studied renjun's appearance for a moment, wondering why he wasn't opening his door all the way, but decided to let it go as he seemed to be wearing his uniform for school already.

"hye, you weren't out of your room yet, and breakfast starts in eight minutes so i was just checking to see if you were awake." winwin explained.

"oh! well i'm awake! definitely awake!" renjun assured winwin with too much enthusiasm laced in his voice.

"right... i can see that. just hurry up now, you don't want to miss the most important meal of the day!" winwin replied, nodding and walking away to the great hall for breakfast.

renjun shut his dorm room when he was sure his prefect left, a sigh of relief escaped his mouth. what would have happened if winwin saw you in his room...

"that was a close one." you spoke behind renjun.

"you think?" renjun turned to look at you, "why were you even in my room anyways?" he leered at you, his pupils flared.

you felt your happiness instantly drain out of you at his question, "um, you didn't show up at the library and i wanted to see if you were okay, i guess i ended up falling asleep on accident. it was accident! and i'm sorry!" you confessed with desperation, your tone surprisng the both of you. your ap[ology came out unexpected but in a way that was habitual. everytime you fought with renjun in the past when you were younger you apologized in the same manner.

"okay." renjun's eyes bored into yours with no expression on his face. the two of you stood and stared at each other, taking in the moment.

"okay." you replied, observing him now like you were the night before. he looked much more stressed when he was awake.

"i'll just see in you class right?" renjun asked you, reaching for the door knob and reopening his door.

"yeah, in astrology."

"okay, see you."

"bye."

renjun shut the door after you quickly, leaving you alone in the ravenclaw wizard dorm hallway. an odd feeling washed over you as you were left alone now. there was a weird feeling between you and renjun but you didn't know what it was. you figured it was just because you and renjun have known eachother for so long that you've gotten so accustomed to one another and the other's habits.

renjun used to be your enemy. but now, you were so unsure of what your relationship was.

all you knew, was that last night was the first time you've had a good night sleeps since the beginning of the school year.

--------------------

"remember students, tomorrow is the final exam of this class!" professor sinistra reminding the class. you sighed with a mixture of relief and anxiousness. though you and renjun had been studying together for it for a while now, you were still uncertain about how much you knew of the astronomy subject.

"hey, don't worry." renjun nudged you, "you got this. you've gotten so much better recently at memorizing things!" renjun cheered you on. in the past, renjun did the complete oppisode of this towards you. always telling you that you're going to fail because that's just usually what you are- a failure. or you are in renjun's mind.

"thanks renjun." you smiled at him, packing your things up as class was dismissed now.

"are you okay?" renjun asked you. he's noticed that since this morning, you've been acting strange. he figured at first that you were probably just still out of it from actually sleeping for once, but its been going on for too long. he wondered if he had a nightmare again with you in his room last night. he started to get nervous about what you might've heard him say in his awful dreams. but he doesn't recall having a nightmare last night- if anything he slept better than usual.

"yeah i'm fine, i'm just nervous about the exam." you replied casually, dreading the amount of studying you'd have to do tonight.

"well we can study together tonight for the last time, maybe it will help the both of us." renjun has never been this happy about spending time with you, it made you more nervous in general. when you didn't answer him he spoke up again, "are you sure you're okay?"

you glanced at renjun, and then around the now empty classroom. everyone had left to go to lunch quickly. "can i tell you something?"

renjun scanned you for a moment, "of course, what's up?"

"you know when we weren't talking for a few weeks, back in early spring?"

"yeah... what about it?"

"well, ningning talked to me during that time and i-"

"why the hell would she talk to you?" renjun's tone turned angry at the mention of his ex best friend.

"she thinks you shouldn't be hanging out with me." yu shrugged, avoiding eye contact with renjun.

"why?"

"because i'm a muggle blood," you mumbled quietly. when renjun didn't answer, you didn't even think he heard you, making you look up at him.

renjun bore no expression as the two of you looked at each other in the empty classroom. the silence was so loud that it made you feel like you couldn't breathe.

"i don't care about your bloodline." renjun finally spoke, surprising you and himself.

"what? renjun? have you really gone mad?" you asked him with a smile of disbelief on your face. you walked closer to him so you were less than a meter apart. "every chance you get you make fun of my blood!"

"i used to do that," renjun nodded, "not anymore. i don't care about your bloodline- or anyones. you're cool- i guess. and i like hanging out with you."

you tried to hide your smile at his little confession, a small part of your insecurities slowly fading away into mist now, no longer eating away at you. "do you mean that, huang renjun?"

"i mean it." he smiled at you. "now let's go study for that stupid astronomy test."

"did you just call astronomy stupid! gods who even are you!?"

"shut up!" renjun nudged you, grabbing his things and walking to the library with you for a long study session.

-----------------

"you got this." renjun whispered to you as you walked into the same classroom the next day. it was the day of the final astronomy test. the subject that you had no knowledge about or interest in. although renjun taught you about the subject for weeks now, you still felt like you knew nothing. renjun secretly wrapped his fingers around yours for a split second, before pulling away and going to his new assigned desk for the day of the exam. your heart ached at his motion. wishing that he could hold your hand throughout the whole test.

you sat shaking in your desk, going over all the things you learnt this semester in your head, trying to not forget anything. you didn't even hear your professor say she would begin handing out the tests yet. when the papers slid in front of you, your heart felt like it was in the deep bottom of your stomach.

"good luck." professor sinistra smiled at you, though you could see in her eyes that she had a small amount of doubt in you. you rolled your eyes when she walked and then meeting the eyes of jeno who smiled at you. he also mouthed the words 'good luck' to you, but you could tell he really meant it, he followed it up with a thumbs up.

you don't think your legs stopped shaking once during the whole final test. at some questions, you knew the answer exactly, while the others you straight up had to guess on them. you were so nervous that you would end up failing this test, and ultimately fail the class. you knew since this was your last year at hogwarts, that your grades this year meant so much more than the rest.

every now and then, renjun would look up from his test at you. he could tell just how nervous you were from across the room. the way your legs were bouncing, and how you were biting your pencil as you read through the test. he felt concerned for you, but he knew that you could do it. you had excelled to much in this subject from when he started tutoring you.

when the time came for the class to hand in their final tests, you had told yourself that you would be happy with any outcome that may occur. you tried your best, and you studied hard - this would be the best that you could do and you were proud of it. you were also very thankful for renjun.

you were thankful for professor sinistra as well. without her, the relationship that you and renjun have would've stayed stagnant as enemies.

"how'd it go?" renjun bounced up to you in the hall, causing others to look at him oddly.

"good... i think. i didn't leave any questions blank!" you exclaimed cheerily.

"awesome!" renjun squeezed your shoulder.

"i am so glad, this year is almost over." jeno came to walk in between you and renjun, separating you. "that test was so stupid."

"yeah i can't believe i've spent eight years at this school, just for it to be over in two days." renjun said, staring off as he took in his words. you couldn't believe where all the time went- you still felt like a little first year that got lost going to the bathroom every day.

"yeah i know. are you guys gonna go to haechan's end of the year party? it's solely for the graduating class this year." jeno asked you two.

"i don't know jeno, i'm tired of his end of the year party traditions." renjun shrugged.

"haechan has a end of the year party tradition?" you asked curiously, never hearing of such a thing in your life.

"yeah, every year he throws once. renjun just never wanted you to come because you'd 'spoil the fun'." jeno pointed at renjun and rolled his eyes.

"yeah, sorry about that." renjun scratched the back of his neck at your confused gaze.

"well would i be invited this year?" you asked them.

"definitely," jeno smiled, "haechan actually knows you and you're in the graduating year."

"okay! i'll be there!: you squealed, happy that you'd be involved with something for once with the people your age.

"great! now renjun will have to come!" jeno wrapped his arm around renjun's shoulders.

"yeah... great." renjun smiled with a roll of his eyes.

------------------

renjun and you sat in the library in your usual spots. though, instead of it being in the middle of night and both of you suffering with the lack of sleep, it was mid day and both of you were filled with anxiousness as your report cards sat in your hands.

"i don't even wanna look." you groaned, sitting back in your chair.

"c'mon, you know you're gonna pass!" renjun cheered you on. you've noticed that ever since renjun has been getting more and more sleep deprived, he's been more happy around you. probably because you're the only one- besides winwin- who knows of his dreaded nightmares and stays awake with him.

you sighed but nodded at renjun's words. you ripped open the envelope and took out your copy of your report card.

of course, all of your first semester classes were A's, and then B's in your second semester - but having a C+ in astronomy.

"holy shit." you stood up in your spot in the library.

"what?" renjun asked seriously, worried that you had failed your last class.

"i passed!" you shouted, "i passed!" renjun stood up, wrapping his arms around you, both of you cheering for yourself. when you calmed down, you immediately noticed how close you and renjun were.

renjun pulled away at the awkwardness now filling both of you. he didn't know what came over him. he's never liked any sort of skinship before- he never even hugged his parents- let alone hug you.

renjun cleared his voice, trying to clear the awkwardness at the same time, "uh, good job!" he smiled at you.

"thank you. like seriously thank you, i couldn't have done it without you!"

"it's no problem, it was sinistra's idea after all."

"yeah, but you also helped me at night, you know, keeping me company when i can't sleep."

"oh, well it's seriously no problem. you kept me company too." you smiled at each other, your minds overflowing with happiness and tiredness. "so uh, you'll be at the party later, right?"

"yeah! i will!"

"okay, well, i'm gonna try to get some sleep before then, so i'll see you then."

"yeah! i'll see you then!" you smiled, sitting back down in your chair as you watched renjun leave the library. you clutched your report card in your hand, happy for your grades this final year and happy that you could no longer call huang renjun your life long enemy anymore.

when you looked back up athe library entrance, you noticed ningning staring at you. a hurt expression crossed her face as she looked down at her hands away from you. it was the first time that you saw the usual confident girl look so insecure as she stood by herself. you didn't know what to do, but before you could think of something, the pretty girl left the room.

------------------

when tzuyu slipped you the secret note of where the secret end-of-the-year party would be held, you smiled at her. she non chaltenly winked at you and skipped down the hall, her slytherin robe flowing behind her as she was on her way to deliver more secret notes to the graduating class.

you were anxious to go to haechan's party. you knew that renjun would be there, but you were unaware of all the other actions that may occur in the night.

you definitely did not expect to find renjun looking so hot as he sat back relaxed on the couch, a red solo cup in his hand. his black hair was down, covering his forehead and he no longer wore his circular glasses.

"y/n! you made it!" ryujin exclaimed, "come sit with us!" you glanced around where her and renjun sat on the a group of solo chairs and a long couch. the popular 00' wizard friend group sat around like they did the last time you joined them at one of their parties. but this time, ningning was no where to be seen around them.

"hi, y/n! i haven't seen you in a while!" a boy named sungchan slurred, obviously already affected by the giggle water although the party had only started half an hour ago. "you look hot." his eyes scanned your body in the short dark blue dress you wore.

"don't even mind him y/n, he's been drinking since noon." jeno rolled his eyes.

"aren't you a year younger than us?" you asked the drunk sungchan.

"yeah, so? doesn't mean i can't think you're hot." you jaw dropped at his words, though you found it awfully funny since you knew he barely spoke when he was sober.

"merlin's beard, chan! would you shut up!" ryujin hit him on his arm, causing sungchan to recoil in pain.

"it's okay! it's kinda funny. thank you!" you laughed at sungchan, who smiled at you gratefully.

you glanced over a renjun who had an angry expression on his face as his cold glare met sungchan's eyes.

"do you know what, i'm gonna go bed, this is a year 8 party anyways!" sungchan babbled, obviously nervous about the way renjun was looking at him.

"yeah, i think that'd be a good idea." renjun agreed with the younger boy, who now stood up and waved a goodbye to his older friends and you.

you narrowed your eyes at renjun when sungchan was out of sight, you wanted to meet more people at your school before you had to leave, and it was nice for someone to compliment you, even if they were really drunk. renjun mouthed the word 'what' at you when he noticed your glare, making you roll your eyes and pour yourself another giggle water.

"careful y/n, don't wanna be like sungchan do you?" yangyang laughed as you were already on your third drink within 30 minutes.

"it's fine! it tastes good!" you laughed, making everyone else laugh and drink their own giggle water.

"c'mon y/n, be careful about how much you drink. i think you've had enough already." renjun said sternly.

"oh god renjun, don't be such a party pooper!" you nudged him with your heel. instantly the fun atmosphere in the circle changed as the music suddenly became louder and everyone's voices drained out. it felt like it was only you and renjun for a moment, glaring at each other.

"please don't fight again!" jeno groaned, sitting back in his chair in defeat. "you guys were doing so well!"

"we're not fighting jeno! y/n is just gonna make a fool out of herself like usual and i'm trying to prevent it." renjun snapped at his friend.

"like usual?" you sat up from your spot on the couch to stare at renjun in disbelief. "fuck you!" you stood up in anger now. "you always ruin things for me renjun!" you brushed your hair out of your face in frustration. "i'll just go. i had fun with you guys for a bit, but i'll see you tomorrow at the train station."

"no y/n don't go!" ryujin pulled on your hand from across the small coffee table! you've been here an hour! haechan's hasn't even seen you yet!"

"i'm sorry but i'm tired anyways," you heard renjun scoff at your words, "i'll see you guys tomorrow though, okay!" everyone said their goodbyes for the night, although they did not want you to leave- but you were having flashbacks of all the times renjun had embarrassed you in public that you just had to leave. you briskly walked out of the secret chamber, into the quiet hall, feeling anger and sadness all ball up into one and hold itself on your lungs, preventing you from breathing.

you don't know why you thought you and renjun had moved on from being enemies, of course renjun would have never changed after all these years of saying how much he hated you. it was so embarrassing that it made your anxiety go up and all these insecurities of yours come back inside your head.

all his friends probably think you had drank too much and now they think you're sloppy and they hate you and -

"y/n." renjun's voice called from behind you, where you were balancing yourself on a nearby window sill, trying to stop your racing thoughts. the same thoughts that kept you up at night and prevented you from sleeping.

"what?" you tried to reply sternly, to show that you were angry, but your voice came out weak in a whimper. you felt renjun's hand on your shoulder, trying to persuade you to turn around, but you quickly shrugged it off and looked out of the window, into the dark night.

"i'm sorry, i want you to have fun tonight, i shouldn't have said anything and i-" renjun started but you cut him off.

"but you always say something! you always embarrass me or insult me or just make me feel like shit! you're so different when it's you and me alone, but as soon as we're around other people you turn into a different person! the same person who i've always hated!" you snapped at him and turned around now to face him. he could see just how furious you were now. he could see just how much he had been hurting you all these years. "whether you're calling me a failure, or i'm a fool or if i'm a fucking muggle blood! you always say something."

there was silence between you guys until someone from behind the corner of the hallway started clapping lonesome and slowly. you and renjun turn to look at the person in annoyance and shock.

"well done y/n, you've actually stood up for yourself for once and have come to realize just how much you mean nothing to renjun." ningning spoke. her hair was done up in two braids that fell down to her waist. her black and blue dress showed almost all of her pretty skin that reflected the moonlight at this time of night.

"my gods, ning, what the hell are you talking about? have you gone bloody mad?" renjun asked her, disbelief covering his face.

"no have you gone mad junnie?" ningning retored, "you're the one who's hanging around this muggleblood."

"don't call her that!" renjun took a step forward so he was right in front of ningning. "year after year i dealt with people telling me how much of a bitch you are and how i should just stay away from you, and now i finally have and you can't handle it."

"you're staying away from me because obviously this muggle blood poisoned you! you really think you could like that mutt?"

renjun brushed a hand through his bangs at ningning words, "gods, you're so fucking stupid ning." he chuckled as he continued, "i'm staying away from you because i hate you." ningning and you gasped at his words, "i've dealt with you telling me lies and feeding me with thoughts for years. you're the reason i never got to understand my real feelings for y/n. because of you telling me i should hate her!"

"what do you mean junnie?" ningning asked him in a quiet voice now. "what are your real feelings for her?"

renjun paused and turned to look at you. his mind was full of all the memories that he's gained with you the past couple of months and years. how much he's grown to accept that he loves you, and he always had- he was just too naive and immature to think of such emotions like that.

you're the one who comforts him at night when he's lost in a nightmare. you're the one who makes him laugh, and think outside the box. you challenge all his traditional ideas of this world and even fantasy worlds in novels. you make him happy, and that's something he's never truly felt with anyone before- not even with his family who cause him burdens of being a powerful ravenclaw.

you're the one he wants as his life long lover - not his life long enemy.

"i love her."

the silence in the hallway is tense as the three of you process renjun's words.

"you what?" ningning asked in disgust.

"i've completely fallen for her- i love her." renjun nodded, scanning your face for a sense of reciprocation of feelings. you gulped at the renjun's sudden confession. the way he was looking at you with pure love in his eyes made you weak in the knees as your thoughts came together.

"i love you too, renjun." you admitted, a feeling of tender love washing over you and renjun that it made it seem like it was only you and him in this world. there were no worries about insecurities, or what others thought about you. just you and renjun, and that's all you wanted. that's all you ever wanted.

"you've gone bloody mad." ningning said to renjun, her own heart breaking at his love confession directed to someone else. the words she's wanted renjun to say to her for years are being said to you right in front of her.

"get out of here ningning, you can't control me anymore." renjun took a moment to glance at the now average looking ravenclaw girl. you watched as ningning ran away into the dark hallway of the castle, leaving renjun and you alone for good now.

"did you mean it, renjun? you love me?"

"yeah, i mean it." renjun nodded, taking in the way you looked so pretty in the moonlight.

you closed the meter gap between you and renjun, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him with passion. the feeling of his lips on yours made you feel the butterflies in your stomach that you've felt since the last time you two kissed in the library.

though your last kiss was filled with angry tension and lust passion, this one was gentle and held love that only the two of you could understand. renjun had no idea what has come over him. he's never been into the lovey-dovey things before that usually make him cringe- but with you, the cringey things weren't so cringey.

you pulled away from him for a moment, staring into his eyes with happiness before going back in for a kiss. his hand snuck down and laid over your ass in your short dress. the velvet texture of the dress reminded him of how hot you looked tonight. his breath was taken away when you walked into the party. he felt so possessive of you when he felt everyone's eyes on you and jealous when sungchan said the things to you that he wish you could've said instead.

both of you felt the sudden change of passion in your kiss when his hand tightened on your ass, the giggle water still giving you some bravery as it ran through your muggleborn blood.

the kiss got heated as both of your guys' hands adventures around the other's bodies, feeling it in a way you wished you could've felt way earlier than now.

"do you wanna," renjun pulled away quickly to speak before pecking your lips again, "go back to," peck, "my dorm?" peck.

"yeah, let's go." you agreed, and were suddenly being pulled by renjun through the castle's hallways, all the way back to his dorm room that you've snuck into before.

your back hit his door roughly as renjun pushed you against it. your lips were attached to each other's again, not wanting to be separate of one another again.

"god, the things i've wanted to do to you." renjun mumbled, his lips travelling down your neck, biting on it to leave marks. "you're mine right?"

"i'm yours." you whimpered back to him with no breath in your voice. renjun growled into your skin at your answer. he left more noticeable marks on your neck, now filled with the nerve to make everyone know that you were now his.

renjun slowly back up, pulling you with him until the back of his knees were against his bed. he pushed you down onto his bed, making you land with an 'oof' as you sat up on your elbows to watch him now.

"do you wanna relieve more tension, y/n?" renjun smirked at you, reminding you of the last time you and renjun were intimate.

"yes, sir." you smirked back him, making him shake his head and curse lowly at your response. renjun took of his jeans that held tightly onto his legs, and took of his dark blue polo shirt that contrasted so prettily with his complexion.

it was the first time that you had seen renjun shirtless since you were eight and went swimming together at his family's summer cabin. he definitely looked different now. more mature with his subtly abs that flexed when he bent down over you and kissed you roughly. your tongues meshed together in a way that was sloppy but turned you on so much.

renjun's hands traced down your sides to the hem of your blue dress, pulling it upwards until it was over your head. renjun sat up to take in your almost bare body. the black bra and panties you wore changed renjun's innocent image of you as you looked so sexy underneath him.

"fuck y/n." he groaned his hands tracing up and down your sides again, "you're fucken hot, baby." you whimpered at renjun's nickname for you, more wetness formed in your panties as his eyes scanned you with pure lust.

you sat up and reached behind you to take off your bra, releasing your breasts into the cool room of renjun's dorm. renjun tried to hide how much he was affected by your body, but the way his cock was twitching in his pants gave him away.

renjun grabbed your hips and turned you so you were laying on your side, your one elbow propping yourself up so you could look at him still. renjun crawled over you, pulling your one leg up so it gave him access to your pantie covered pussy. his fingers traced down your stomach, and down to your panties, pushing them aside so he could see your drenched hole. his fingers were already covered with your juices.

"wait," renjun said suddenly, making you mentally cruse him from prolong the feeling of his cock inside you, "you're not... a virgin, right?"

"renjun, ugh, no! i'm not!" you retorted, frustrated that he wasn't inside of you already, "just please, fuck me! i need you so bad, i've waited for so long!"

"okay okay, patience baby, you'll get what you want soon enough." renjun chuckled at your annoyance, bending down and kissing you feverishly again.

his fingers returned to your panties, pushing them aside again so he can gain entrance to your hole. he grabbed his cock and massaged your clit, teasing you more.

you were about to complain again when he pushed in his cock all the way, definitely shutting you up. the two of you kissed when he was fully inside of you, letting you adjust to his size. he was so close to you, you could feel him all over you. renjun moved to lay beside you while he was still inside of you, so he could fuck you from behind on your side.

his one hand held your leg up , while his other hand held behind your head on your neck. his pace started out slow, he pressed gentle kisses to your shoulder and upper arm as quiet whimpers started to leave your mouth at his cock rubbing against your walls.

your one hand started to squeeze your nipple to get more attention, feeling already so good now that renjun was fucking into you. "fuck renjun." you whimpered, "go faster now, i'm ready."

renjun chuckled into your ear, pressing a kiss behind it, "okay baby, if that's what you want." his hips started pressing into your core at an indeed faster pace. the tip of his cock hitting your g spot everytime.

"fuck! oh my gods." you cried out. your left hand reached down and started rubbing your wet clit in slow circles, contrasting against renjun's face pace.

"yeah, that's good baby, make yourself cum for me." renjun's voice was deep now as he fucked into you. his cock stretched you so well that you could feel every vein on is hard cock.

before you knew it, you were coming for the first time tonight.

"fuck, that's it y/n, let go all over my dick." renjun groaned at the feeling of your walls tightening and spasming over his cock.

his pace turned slow when you started coming down off your high, your chest heaving from your first orgasm. "fuck." you breathed out.

"i want you to ride me now." renjun demanding suddenly.

"what?" you asked, your legs felt numb you had no idea how you were suppose to ride him, but he suddenly flipped over so he was laying on his back. his cock sprung up out of you and into the air, ready for you to sit back on.

"c'mon baby, i wanna see how well you can ride me.." renjun begged with a pout, suddenly making your legs have feeling again.

you climbed on top of renjun, grabbing a hold of his dick and lining it back up with your sensitive hole. renjun's hands held onto your hips immediately, taking control of your speed. before you had time to settle down, renjun was already pounding into you from below.

"ah! ah! fuck." you whined out into the dorm, you hoped that no one would hear how loud you were, but you didn't really care at the same time with the way renjun was making you feel.

renjun was groaning underneath you as he continued to fuck into you. he loved the way you couldn't control yourself as he bounced you up and down on his hard dick.

your tits were bouncing up and down at the same pace he was fucking you to. allowing for renjun to bite down on them, leaving more marks for only you and him to see.

his hands were slapping your ass now, encouraging you to bounce more roughly on his dick. your moans were out of control now as his pace was quickening with every slap he gave you. "fuck, baby, you feel so good." renjun grunted as your walls were tightening around him again, "you're everything i've ever wanted, fuck."

his words were making you closer and closer to your high, you've never felt so wanted and love before that your emotions felt all over the place, "i'm gonna cum again renjun." you warned out to him.

"yes, come y/n, i wanna feel you tighten around me again. soak my dick."

"god, you feel so good renjun! your dick's so good!" you cried out as you came again on renjun's cock. whimpers were escaping your mouth as you bent down and kissed renjun' trying to silence yourself and him. his pace didn't slow down as you and him reached your high together. you felt your walls become filled with his cum.

"fuck." renjun grunted out, his cock twitching inside of you as the both of you let it out together. your upper body fell down onto renjun as your body became tired just like your mind. "fuck y/n."

you were too tired to answer renjun, your mind giving in finally and wanting to sleep right there.

you groaned when you felt renjun pull out of you, laying down beside him. you could barely open your eyes you were so tired out. you felt renjun pull his blanket over top you, and press a gentle kiss on your forehead before falling asleep into a deep sleep that you haven't felt in years. you've never felt so worry free and safe before. you fell asleep loved and wanted, and that was more than you could've ever asked for.

---------------

renjun and you both woke up in a start. cheers were being yelled out in the hall from all the students waking up and preparing to get ready to leave the castle either for the summer, or forever.

it took a second for both of you to realize that you were both naked and sticky from the night before. his dorm room that usually smelt like old books and pretty incense, was replaced with the scent of sex that made you scrunch your nose.

"fuck, you need to go." renjun said to you with wide eyes.

"fuck, i need to go." you replied, jumping out of his bed and finding your dress.

"you can't leave in that," renjun said, opening his wardrobe that you've hid in before, "wear this!" he tossed you his old ravenclaw sweater and pair of grey sweatpants that you quickly put on.

"ok i got to go." you said, grabbing your shoes and dress in one hand and rushing to his door.

"wait." renjun called for you and took your hand in his to turn you around. you were about to ask what when you felt his lips on yours, making you forget about the rush you were in for a second. "okay go."

"bye, love you." you said quickly, kissing him quickly before opening his door.

"love you." he replied with a cheesy grin on his face as he watched you run out and to the witches hall.

-----------------

"so where did you go last night renjunnie?" yangyang asked him as you all sat down in a booth on the train together.

"back to my dorm, why?" renjun asked him in a false confusion.

"oh no reason, just wanted to know why i heard y/n leave your room this morning in a rush."

"shit." you and renjun said together in defeat, annoyance on your faces as you were well aware about the long conversation you were all gonna have for the final train ride home from hogwarts.

"ah ha! i knew you guys would end up together!" jeno shouted, his pointer finger in the air at the 'eureeka' moment.

"oh shut up, lee! no you did not!' renjun said, kicking jeno from across the booth seat.

"ow!" jeno recoiled in pain, "i did too! you guys were just too blinded by false hatred to realize that i knew what was going to happen."

you scoffed, "as if, jeno. what're you gonna say now? that you knew ryujin and yangyang were gonna end up together too?" you asked him, leaning your head on renjun's shoulder.

"i did know that!" jeno shouted, "ow!" jeno recoiled in pain when ryujin kicked him now.

"shut up jeno! you did not!" ryujin exclaimed. all of you laughed as you all hung out together in a final nostalgic way. all of you knew that this would be the last time you'd all be together for a while now.

it was a good experience at hogwarts that you wish you could relive again, but of course, all good things must come to end, even if you don't want them too.

"hey, i got you something." renjun whispered to you, pulling his backpack up to his lap to grab something.

"what?" you laughed, excitement filling your body because of renjun again. your excitement dropped when he pulled out the library's original edition of the lord of the flies.

"merlin's beard, renjun." you said, seriousness taking over at the thoughtful gift he gave you. "what?" you asked in disbelief as he gave it to you.

"what? i'm sure they won't miss it. you're the only one who read the damn thing anyways." renjun shrugged, trying to hide how proud he was of himself for making you basically speechless at his gift.

"i love you." was all you could say to him as your fingers traced over the old, worn out cover of the book that you've read so many times during your years at hogwarts. renjun chuckled, wrapping his arm around you as he continued to watch you in astonishment.

"i love you, too," he whispered to you, "even if you are a muggleborn."

"oh shut up!" you nudged him, but nonetheless leaning into him where you felt his love so strongly for you.

you never thought that you would end your experience at hogwarts like this, so happy and content with the ending you've gotten.

the closer that you get back to home, the more happy you become knowing that the life long enemy you started hogwarts with, is now your life long lover as you end your time at hogwarts.

there's nothing you would change about your life now, not even the beginning of it :

you've always loved huang renjun.

[weaselbeaselpants]

So, as I explained in the replies, there's a lot of discourse between mythologymonster-stans and indigenous rights about w3ndigos*

Deer have been associated w3ndigo spirits because of creepypasta depictions where white/non indigenous writers would give them deer faces because they think deer faces are creepy- DESPITE the fact that actual w3ndigos are not deer-like at and the only animal they're compared to throughout the stories is owls. While big hangry deer things are metal as fuck and yes, as @chaifootsteps points out, some ndn ppl like 'pasta'-style-w3ndigos, the issue is conflating the pasta creatures with the original mythology and/or using the name at all is controversial because it's still appropriation.

*the written or said word w3ndigo, as mentioned in the wikipedia article, is both an ushering in of the spirit and a bad omen. I think-feel free to correct. Either way, indigenous people have asked me to please censor the word which is what I'm trying to do*

Vivziepop is really bad at research and a lot what she puts in her shows feels like/is stuff that she saw online and didn't do her own research into. She got JK Rowling brain. Of course, the actual reason Alastor is a deer is because he was an edgy oc born out Viv's love for Bambi 2. At worst, Viv fanned the flames w she heard fans thinking he was a w3ndigo (because of their own non-native misunderstanding) and said "yeah that sounds right"> Al's deerness, cannibalism do line up with the creepypasta-based version of w3ndigos as "cool thing from REAL MYTHOLOGY"-white ppl have appropriated. I even made reference of that in my own rewrite Alastar crap shit-- regardless, I think this is actually not on Viv here and more of her fanbase making assumptions and her nodding along.

Now, Lily COULD use this time to explain some of/all of that. I find it suspicious that she just says "it's problematic but also not except it is"- like she can't admit she likes a thing which could even be possibly construde as appropriating indigenous mythology. Between her wording it's sounds like Lily's accusing the deer-isms themselves as being problematic. It really is telling just how much she failed this conversation.

Please, by all means, look through the sources and claims of the actual Algonquin mythes listed on wikipedia. They're neat and beautiful. They are not out own to take but I think it's fine to be appreciative. I personally think it'd be better for all of us if there was a better distinction between 'actual' w3ndigos and the pasta creatures, or that the pasta creatures were renamed.

Whether or not Al has any true w3ndigo-inspo for his final characterization, he's been found problematic for other reasons BUT it's obv okay to like him and just be critical.

Lily really can't have this kind of talk AT ALL with her audience, huh?

Funny thing about Lily not doing research… She claimed Alistor having Deer antlers and such is problematic deer imagery. Which antlers by themselves isn’t vindication of anything. It’s just an animal part. Many cultures have demons and such having multiple animal parts. Even an anon asked her “Why is deer imagery appropriation” and Lily responded “It’s not appropriation but it’s a problem.” and didn’t explain.

Like… are you alluding to something specific like wendigos? Explain Lily!

to tell you the absolute truth, i think that LO either has no idea what the issue is either because she just read somewhere it's an issue and ran with it without understanding why or that she misspoke entirely because this woman only does one draft for each script without revising anything and now doesn't want to admit her mistake. i believe those are the most likely explanations for that kind of statement. either way, no, deers imagery is not by itself problematic because it's not particularly emblematic of any culture, closed or otherwise. for what i could see with just an easy google search, deer or antlers being representative of wendigos is a construction originated in fiction created by white authors. if LO said "Alastor is meant to be a wendigo and thus associating him with deer antlers on his design is perpetuating the whitewashing of the wendigo" thant that is an argument to be made... if you completely ignore that Alastor is never declared to have any relation with wendigos specifically. for what i could see, he is just tall, skinny, gangly and have antlers on his full demonic form so (white/non native) people interpret that as wendigo-like because, again, that's how they are represented in popular culture. but i couldn't find evidence anywhere that was supposed to be intentional or a thing inside the show. the most i could find is that the creator said he has "wendigo themes", which is just entirely confusing because what does that mean? wendigo according to whom, the actual original foklore or the whitewished in popular media? is just because of the cannibalism?

at the end of all of this, i just find uncomfortable that LO pretends to want to have a conversation about cultural appropriation around this character and hasn't invited not one person from any of those cultures to share their own perspective. has she actually linked any article of any person talking about this? does she know of anyone with more experience talking about it? i know at some point she talked about "reading books" about voodoo, but that means very little if nothing at all to me without more information. of course not everyone of any culture is going to agree on every issue, but at least show that you actually care to advocate for those groups by giving it's members a chance to speak on their own term rather than have everything filtered through her own white understanding of everything.

at the end of the day we're all a bunch of outsiders.

[hellofeanor]

Fëanorian Quenya

Hey friends! Do you like elves? Do you like the Silmarillion? Do you like Fëanor and co? And most of all, do you like spending hours thinking about minor details pertaining to made-up languages??? If so, boy do I have a treat for you! Let’s delve into the weird world of Fëanorian Quenya and explore some history and mechanics of why they talk Like That.

I’ve seen a lot of posts joking about the Fëanorian lisp, which is about as funny as a joke about a speech impediment can be. 👍 It’s important to understand, though, that this IS a joke. No, they didn’t really speak with a lisp. Yes, they did pronounce some S sounds as TH. That’s the critical disclaimer here: SOME. It’s not a blanket pronunciation. There’s a lot of background research that goes into determining which words would be pronounced with S and which would be TH, and that’s what we’re going to look at.

So if this is something you’ve come across in fandom and you’re not totally sure on the details, or if you ARE sure and just want some more in-depth info, read on.

The stuff probably everybody knows already

For anyone who’s been hanging around the Fëanorian corner of the Silm fandom for more than three minutes, there’s about a 100% chance you’ve heard of Fëanor’s penchant for retaining an archaic TH pronunciation after the majority of the Noldor went ahead and started pronouncing this sound as S instead. You may also know that this sound is represented by the letter thorn (Þ) in HoME, but since thorn doesn’t exist in modern English orthography and it’s a pain to keep typing the ALT code, I’m sticking to TH here. Anyway, all this was due to the fact that Fëanor was a huge mama’s boy, and his mom Míriel Therindë (later called Serindë, which made Fëanor want to punch walls and possibly also fellow elves) was an outlier who retained the TH after it fell out of use. Her son Fëanor, in turn, kept this up to honor her. Now, whether or not he would have bothered if this sound hadn’t literally been a critical part of her name is debatable, but that debate is outside the scope of this essay.

Fëanor continued to use the TH pronunciation until his death, and required his sons to use it as well. Finwë, however, switched over to S after the death of Míriel and before his marriage to Indis. Fëanor, reasonable and level-headed as he was, took this as a personal insult and decided that anybody who rejected TH likewise rejected him. So presumably, his loyal followers would have obeyed his totally reasonable demands not to give in to the seductive S-shift.

Why tho

Why did the Noldor decide to alter their pronunciation from TH to S? Great question. Nobody really knows. For the hell of it? IDK. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But the important thing to understand is that elves, and especially Noldor, were really committed to making sure their language sounds cool. This is why it changed so much and so comparatively quickly for an immortal population: they were actively invested in changing it. They liked inventing new words and exploring new sounds and messing around with grammar.

So at some point some influential Noldo might have been like, hey y’all, let’s stop saying TH and say S instead! And everyone (except Míriel I guess, who was known for her elegant manner of speech and didn’t want to muck that up by changing pronunciation of a whole letter) was like, whoa, capital idea my good egg. And they went with it. Previous ideas along these lines included ‘hey y’all, let’s stop saying KH and say H instead’ and ‘hey y’all, let’s stop saying Z and say R instead’, and those went over swimmingly. Nobody could have foreseen the problem this TH to S business would cause.

Now here’s a fun fact. There was another change to Noldorin pronunciation that happened AFTER Fëanor’s birth, that he himself was involved in. This one was all about bilabial to labiodental F. And those sure are some words, so if you don’t know what I’m talking about (I don’t blame you), BILABIAL is a more whispery sound that happens when you say F using only air passing through your pursed lips, and LABIODENTAL is when you say F with your top teeth touching your bottom lip. Going forward I’m going to use PH to represent the bilabial sound, and F for the labiodental.

So F got on the radar of the Noldor via the Teleri, who used this sound in their language. And ol’ Fëanor figured it would be awesome to incorporate it into Quenya because he thought the PH sounded too close to HW, and the two were getting confused by lazy speakers. Why did he care? Because of his dad’s name and his own, of course. If people started to get lazy in their pronunciation, we’d end up with Hwinwë and Hwëanáro, which would be terrible and stupid and unacceptable. He accused the Vanyar of leaning down that road, and he wanted to stop that kind of shift before it happened to the Noldor. How to do that? Why, by instigating a different shift from traditional Noldorin PH to Telerin F!

“Hey y’all, let’s stop saying PH and say F instead!”

“Whoa, capital idea my good egg.”

Moral of the story: Fëanor is only concerned with Quenya pronunciation insofar as it affects his own name and the names of family members he likes. He does not care whether it’s staying the same or moving to a new sound so long as it personally makes him feel good and his name sound cool. Therefore the true way to piss him off would be to call him Curuhwinwë Hwëanáro, son of Serindë.

Okay so here’s how it works

Now that history is out of the way, let’s get back to how TH was used by the Fëanorians. As I mentioned earlier, TH wasn’t a blanket pronunciation. It all depended on the original form of the word, and whether the root had a TH or an S. And some very similar-sounding words come from different roots, so this can get tricky. A great resource that’ll give you this information is Eldamo: Quenya words where the S was originally TH are marked out with the Þ (thorn) symbol in the wordlist.

Some examples:

Súlë (spirit, breath) comes from the root THŪ, which means it would be pronounced with a TH. Silma (white crystal) comes from the root SIL, so it and related words like Silmaril would be pronounced with an S. No Fëanorian would say Thilmaril. Isil (moon), however, is a similar-sounding word that comes from a different root: THIL. Olos (mass of flowers) comes from the word LOTH, but: Olos (dream) comes from the root LOS. Fëanorian pronunciation would immediately differentiate between these two words.

While Fëanorians may have retained the distinct pronunciation of TH vs S, other Noldor can still differentiate between original S and S-that-used-to-be-TH in their writing. There are specific tengwar to use depending on the word’s original form. Silmë (the one that looks like a 6) is used for original S, while súlë (or thúlë, the one that looks like an h) is used for original TH.

Which other elves used this sound in their speech?

Fandom has really latched on to this TH as a Fëanorian thing, but it wasn’t that exclusively. The TH sound was actually ubiquitous in other elven languages, and in Valinor, only the Noldor dropped it. It was still used in Telerin and in Vanyarin Quendya. The Vanyar retained the TH not because of anything to do with Míriel, but just because they were a little more conservative and their language didn’t pick up on all the changes that the Noldor made. They also noped out of the Z to R shift the Noldor initiated, opting to keep the Z around.

When Indis married Finwë, she stopped using the normal Vanyarin TH and switched over to S as a gesture of loyalty to him and his people. Finarfin, however, out of love for the Vanyar and Teleri, switched BACK to TH. I like to think about how much it would have annoyed Fëanor that his snot-nosed kid brother was speaking correctly, but for the wrong reason. Go down one more generation, and Galadriel very specifically did not use TH. But this time it was absolutely a choice made as a glaring middle finger to Fëanor.

What this means for your fanfic or whatever

The big takeaway here: you can’t just have Fëanorians replace every S with TH and call it a day.

If you’re inventing names for your Fëanorian OCs or coming up with phrases for them to say, it’s important to look into the history of all Quenya S-words you end up using to determine if they should be S or TH. If Fëanor got mad about somebody saying Serindë instead of Therindë, he’d get equally mad about somebody saying Thilmaril instead of Silmaril and assume they were mocking him. Remember: this is a dude with no chill. (On the other hand, if you WANT somebody to be mocking Fëanor, Galadriel would 100% do this because she has an equally negligible amount of chill.)

It’s also important to note that the TH isn’t a true shibboleth, since pretty much all elves EXCEPT the non-Fëanorian Noldor use it. And even the S-preferring Noldor would still be able to pronounce the TH. Those who went into exile would go on to use it commonly in Sindarin, and those who remained in Valinor would still encounter it among the Vanyar and Teleri. So if you’re writing a scene where somebody has to pronounce a TH word to prove their loyalty… yeah, everyone can pass this test. And in the opposite direction, you can’t use TH to prove somebody’s an evil Fëanorian, either. They might just be Vanyarin or something. Or, like. Really Old.

Would the sons (and followers) of Fëanor keep using TH after his death? Oh hell yeah. This is an entire family unfamiliar with the concept of not dying on hills. They will keep using it unto the ending of the world. Actually, with Sindarin becoming the common language of Middle-earth from the First Age, probably not a lot of change happened in exilic Quenya. It became a lore language: a piece of living history. It would have been preserved as it was when the original speakers left Valinor.

(And then, thousands of years later, Galadriel finally returns home to Tirion like, Long have mine eyes awaited this most blissful of sights, and ne’er hath my sprit soared with such grace, for I am returned! And all the Amanyar Noldor stare at her like, whatchu bangin on bout, eh? Because they had nothing better to do in the peace of Valinor than push Quenya to brave and frankly questionable new horizons.)

Anyway, there you go: a somewhat brief history of Fëanorian Quenya. I hope you found this informative and useful, or at the very least not boring. Obvs this is super condensed and, uh, not particularly scholarly, but I promise I know what I’m talking about. I have a university degree! (Not in anything even remotely related to what’s written above, but I hardly see how that’s relevant. It’s still a DEGREE.)

Questions? Need clarification or want more info? My asks are always open!

[hirayaaraw]

Unbreakable Ties 2 - Tell Me Where Is Home

Idol!Jaehyun x OC

Genre: Childhood friends to lovers; angst; fluff

Summary: In which Jaehyun is searching for his best friend who went missing in action 10 years ago. When she finally appears, Jaehyun not only found his lost best friend but also his son.

Vibrant.

She’s all the colors in the world wrapped in one. She’s an enigmatic force that made him stick with her whenever she goes. Jaehyun and Eunhye were inseparable after that summer.

They became two beans in a pod, partners in crime, and source of headache for their silly plans. Eunhye is the mastermind and he executes them perfectly. Their teachers often say they work well as a team who occasionally gets in a debate but Jaehyun always gives way.

“Come on, Jae! We should be doing something this summer.” Eunhye flops down at his single-sized bed with one hand propped on her to see Jaehyun.

“I already have a plan.” 12 years old Jaehyun evades eye contact as he knew Eunhye can see through him.

Eunhye raised her eyebrow. “I can smell crap.”

“What?”

“Mom told me you don’t have plans at all except for being a couch potato,” Eunhye said in a matter of fact. Jaehyun rolled his eyes. Of course, his mom gave this crucial information to her.

“Stop calling her mom. She’s not your mom.”

“Okay, Mommy’s boy.” Eunhye teased him. He is still uncomfortable for some reason whenever she calls his mother ‘Mom’. “So are you in?”

“I don’t get why do we need to enroll for a voice lesson if we can just watch Disney channel, cartoon network, or nickelodeon for the rest of the vacation or have a movie marathon,” Jaehyun explained exasperatedly. “Besides you are tone-deaf.”

“That’s why we are enrolling for a voice lesson.”

“My voice is decent compare to yours.” Jaehyun is not lying. He can sing a tune and hold a note. Eunhye knows this as she always sings Gabriela’s part for all the duets in High School Musical. “Spare our ears.”

“Okay, Troy Bolton wanna be.” Eunhye stood up and walked towards him. “What do you want? My mom is sending a box from heaven.”

Jaehyun scoffed at her old inside joke. He once thought her mom is in heaven. In his defense, Eunhye pointed to the sky when he asked her ‘where’s your mom’. He can still remember her judgemental look from her before she replied, ‘My mom is in abroad. Dumb ass.’

“Shall I ask her for the latest Nike shoes or a transformer?” Eunhye poked his right dimple. His eyes widen but faltered immediately.

“Don’t bribe me.” He crossed his arms on his chest.

“It’s not a bribe. It’s a token of gratitude.”

“That’s what a politician will say.” Jaehyun pointed out. “I will guard this country against you.”

“I only have two careers in mind.” She raised her two fingers in front of his face. “It’s either I become a politician or a singer.”

“You are terrible on both.”

“I will be by your side for the rest of our lives so I can guarantee you that I will never be near in any government positions.” Eunhye smiled endearingly at the blushing Jaehyun.

“The rest of our lives?”

“Yeah. That’s what best friends do, right?”

Best friends. They are best friends even though sometimes he imagines her as his very own Gabriela Montes who is there in his wins and troubled days.

“So are you enrolling in a voice lesson with me and spare the ears of millions of people in this world?”

“How can I let you go alone and torture other people’s eardrums?” Jaehyun sighed and Eunhye squealed then jump on him to hug him.

Thanks to Eunhye’s stubbornness. That’s how his journey to be a kpop idol started.

—

“Are you really not coming with me, Mother?” Eunhye asked her mom while she is folding her clothes in their living room.

“You know that I can’t.”

“Just trying my luck.” She shrugged at her mother’s answer.

“So many memories and regret in that land that I don’t want to remember anymore.” Her mother said without any emotion and ice cold stare. “Remember how your evil grandmother mocked me at your father’s funeral.”

“Mother…” Eunhye hissed at her mother’s bitter trip down to the memory lane.

“How about you? Why are going back to that country?”

“It’s father’s 20th death anniversary, mother.” She reminded her firmly.

“I know. Except for that what’s the reason? To see your son’s father? Did he finally bump his head and realize that he should be a responsible father?”

“Mother!” Eun Hye couldn’t help but raise her voice. “Fine. You are not coming with me but please let’s stop talking about my child’s father.”

“You wouldn’t be breaking your bones to work hard if he only knows about your son. Monthly child support won’t even hurt his pocket.”

“Mother please…”

“He seems like a good child whenever I come home. Maybe fame got in his head.”

“It’s not like that, Mother.”

“Even if he has a new partner, it is his obligation to provide to my grandson.” Eunhye sighed in defeat just by imagining it.

“Mother, it’s already 3 PM. Jeno’s bus will be here any minute.” Eunhye stood up with the pile of folded clothes on her arms before going to her bedroom. Once she laid their clothes on the cabinet neatly, Eunhye sat at the edge of her bed. All her energy were drained from the conversation with her Mother.

Her phone’s screen brightens. She opened the new message that came in.

My love: Mom, I will be coming home late. Coach extended our training. :(

My love: Can we have a kimchijiggae later? 🥺

Eunhye: how about Kimchijiggae and bibimbap?

My love: You are the best mom in the world! I love you, Mom!!!!

Eunhye chuckled. Her son is her sole source of strength and light in this world. Without him, her life must be in shamble right now. She is about to stand up from the bed to start cooking when her phone lit up again. She just stared at it while the messages come in one by one.

Jaehyun best boy: Eun

Jaehyun best boy: I heard from Mom you are coming back home from…

Jaehyun best boy: I don’t know where you are right now but you are doing good, right?

Jaehyun best boy: Can we catch up like the old days? Mom said she will cook your favorite. I will listen to your adventures.

It’s almost 5 am in South Korea. Eunhye wonders why is he still awake. He might be in the set of a music video somewhere or just about to sleep. Just like she always do, Eunhye archive the message without opening it.

You are coming home.

When was the last she felt at home? Daegu was her home. She felt familiar and sense of belonging in that place but everything start to change when Jaehyun became a trainee. Slowly, Daegu became just a place to her. Her Father died and Jaehyun left to pursue his dream they dreamt together. Nothing was left to remind her of home.

Now that she is going back to Daegu, no Father to welcome her or Jaehyun that she can bother anytime. And even though Jaehyun will appear miraculously, nothing will be the same. They live in two different worlds now. How can someone who used to be so familiar for years became a stranger?

On the other part of the world, Jaehyun stares at his phone waiting for her to seen his message.

[crystalelemental]

Lear - One Year Later

I’m still doing the retrospectives for units if I remember when they came out.

Lear!  The second event in this game I can remember happening!  I feel like I’m forgetting something between train bros and Lear, but for the life of me I can’t remember what.  Anyway, the funny thing about Lear is that this was miss #3.  The summer alts were outright disliked, I didn’t care about Train Bros at the time, and I’ve never been one to care overly much about gacha OCs.  Lear in particular had it rough, because Hoopa’s never been a favorite, and I had Caitlin, who I was still obsessing over at the time.  Needless to say, everyone lost their collective shit over this guy’s ability...but conventional wisdom of the time was to wait for the anniversary, expecting the biggest meta shift in ages with whatever dropped then.  So, as someone not really spending on the game at the time, I opted to save.  The meta shift didn’t happen, many were angry, but I call it a huge win considering who we did get.  But that’s for later.

Needless to say, in retrospect, many consider Lear to be the best of the two-year anniversary units, and with good reason.  His abilities were, for the time, exceptional.  But one year later, with all the power creep the game has brought, is he still holding up?

Yeah.  Yeah he does.

Lear is nuts, and in a way that I think at the time wasn’t fully expected until people saw damage numbers.  His big focus is Snatch.  As a Tech nuker, his innate multiplier is when the foe has no buffs, and he has to use Snatch to accomplish this.  And given Grimsley before him, this was kinda disparaged as hard to accomplish, because of CS’ focus on buffing randomly.  And then people learned just how hard this guy hits.  To date, he’s still one of the best sync nukes in the game, up there with Knight Diantha.  But uniquely, Head Start 2 and -1 cooldown on his trainer move means Lear hits first sync in two turns.  And then has Adrenaline 2.  So you can potentially shave off yet another turn with the right setup, thanks to Propulsion.  Lear’s access to his own sync nuke is, I think, still the fastest out there.  He’s insane.  And this was just his sync, in CS.  When Gauntlet dropped, Lear stocks soared.  Here’s a mode where Tech Sync Nukes are the meta, and he can explode pretty much any boss’ HP bar without issue, while Snatch counters some of the deadliest fights in Cresselia and Latias.  Lear’s ridiculous off that alone.

But he also got Ramp Up on X Sp Atk, for ideal setup in three turns, and Hyperspace Hole is solid damage that also doesn’t miss.  So even if he didn’t have Snatch, he’s an answer to Latias and Cresselia both.  It does come with a bit of a damage penalty, but as a four-gauge move, it’s still dealing solid numbers.

Lear’s issues are the same as they’ve ever been.  CS can be a bit wild due to the random buffing.  And without 3/5, he has no sync nuke and decent but not exceptional damage, and doesn’t get Snatch MPR until 2/5, which can be a problem if, say, Cresselia’s paralysis disrupts your action and costs the MP.  At one time, the argument of Psychic types being prolific and therefore not needing another was valid, but Gauntlet’s kinda annihilated that as a weakness as well.

Lear is, effectively, without weakness for his role.  1/5 gives a full turn of sync countdown shaved off for any team.  2/5 has the infinite Snatch effects to keep Latias and Cresselia locked down.  3/5 has the exploding sync.  He can be a bit reliant on others to check gimmick boxes, as damage reduction can limit him in some regard.  But this is a minor issue compared to the fact that he is a strong counterpick to two of the hardest Gauntlet stages around - Cresselia and Latias.  Snatch single-handedly clears their threat level, even if he’s not the primary damage dealer.  And of course, provided gimmicks are checked, every other Gauntlet stage folds under the raw power of his sync nuke.

This is a short one, but that’s just because of how cut and dry Lear actually is.  There’s really not any kind of twist or turn or bend in his life.  He showed up amazing and he will leave this game still being good at worst.  There’s not much changing for him because...what is there to need to change?  The only new introduction worth talking about was SS Lusamine, where their trainer moves and a Head Start can get sync after one turn.  But this always felt more like a clownshoes gimmick than something that was actually more effective than playing normally.  Lear just sync nukes, and things die.  Sure, his sync capacity isn’t novel anymore.  Renegade Cynthia, Teatime Ingo, Anniversary N, SS Cyrus, and plenty of other tech nukers can keep up with his damage threshold just fine.  But...that doesn’t mean he’s not always blowing up stages with the best of them.  Lear’s still incredible, and I really don’t think he’ll slow down any time soon.

[sinsbymanka]

Character: Bianca Davri

I’m sorry I took FOREVER to do these. <3 I hope it was worth the wait!

Break their Ass Down: Bianca Davri

How I feel about this character

I like and respect her. We don’t know a lot about her, but what we DO know is kind of badass. She’s probably about Varric’s age (40ish), and we can assume the bulk of her work has been completed in about 20 years (from her 20s through to the present day) and in that time she’s completed MULTIPLE life changing inventions that are honestly pulling Thedas into the industrial revolution if you look at OUR world history and compare what happened when similar inventions were created that revolutionized the backbreaking labor of agriculture and manufacturing. 

She is absolutely a genius, and she knows it. That confidence and her reputation/skill makes her sexy and powerful. But there’s hints that she didn’t have the power she has now in former years. I think if she had met Varric now, when she’s older and more established, their romance wouldn’t be such a tragedy. But there’s something undeniably compelling about a brilliant young woman who runs away from at least one wedding to take off with a dashing rogue before she realizes she has to do what everyone wants her to do. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Varric - up to a point and in canon-divergent AUs. I think their tragic romance is really beautiful when they’re young, but I think by the time it reaches DAI it’s clearly toxic for bother characters (is Bianca holding onto the one thing she ever really picked for herself to spite her family? is Varric so caught up in a story he can’t handle reality?) However - I think they’d work really well together in a universe where they don’t meet until they’re older and it doesn’t go sideways quite so badly. 

Bogdan - we know absolutely nothing about him except that he was stood up at the altar at least once and that he helps Bianca with selling her inventions. In my writing, I’ve never been able to nail down what exactly I want his character to be. I wrote him as kind of an idiot in my first Varric/Cadash fic, set him up to be a minor antagonist in GwtAT (in both fics he’s quite possibly emotionally abusive or at the very least neglectful), but I’ve always written him as forgiving and loving. I very much love the idea of a man who also wasn’t sold on marrying a woman clealy in love with someone else, but they work it out and form a strong, solid partnership. I would ship that version of Bogdan with Bianca in a heartbeat. 

Dagna - this is a crack pair I am super invested in emotionally and has been gifted to me by @jarakrisafis once. I love the rivals-to-lovers aspect of it. Two brilliant women in competition before the sexual tension escalates and then they form a brilliant partnership? sign me the fuck up. 

Nobody - I said it. In both my first Cadash/Varric fic and in GwtAT, Bianca ends up alone and free. I think that’s quite a happy ending for her - she doesn’t need a romantic interest, she lives a happy and fulfilled life making the world better free of the drama. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Varric - Post DAI I really like the idea of old lovers becoming friends and realizing they’re better that way. I don’t think anyone knows either of them as well as the other one does, and I find it hard to imagine that Varric ever quite leaves Bianca’s life even if it’s platonic. 

Dagna - they should be friends. that’s it that’s all. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

Bianca isn’t an asshole, fandom is just mean to complicated female characters. 

Bianca does some shady shit during DAI. That red lyrium thing was CLEARLY a mistake, and she knows it, but I don’t blame her for not admitting it right away. She’s a genius - so her mistakes are correspondingly huge as well - she doesn’t play for small stakes. She didn’t double cross Varric as much as go around him to try and help him - a thing Varric is VERY guilty of doing for his friends as well but nobody ever calls him out on it (paying off the gangs to leave Anders alone even though Anders says not to? Trying to get Fenris a job he doesn’t want? Annoying Merrill to go outside until she’s ABSOLUTELY aggravated with him?) 

Bianca’s mistake was made with good intentions, and while she may have helped Corypheus, I’m pretty sure he’d have found a way without her. In fact, it’s a little known fact Bianca actually shows up at that keep in Emprise du Lion to help clean up the red lyrium as an NPC. Check out this post by @pikapeppa to see the dialogue (thank you for compiling this by the way I’ve used it as a resource a hundred times)  

Yeah. She fucking stays with the Inquisition to clean up a mess she helped cause. The most brilliant woman in Thedas, literally two votes away from being a surfacer Paragon, stays in the worst fucking place in Thedas to help the Inquisitor.

Nobody ever takes that into consideration when bashing her. 

What I think people really don’t like is Bianca threatening to rip out your Inquisitor’s eyeballs if they get Varric hurt and using them to clean up her mistake. And you know what, fair, you don’t have to like your OC getting threatened or used. 

But Varric arguably uses the Inquisition to clean up Hawke’s mess, and if he would have threatened your OC for Hawke, I don’t think anyone would have cared. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

A lot of the information about Varric and Bianca’s relationship seems almost...optional to find? And it’s so many throwaway lines. We see Varric and Bianca at one of the worst moments in their relationship, but we don’t see how they got there. And because the moment is caused by Bianca’s mistake, she comes out looking worse than Varric, but I don’t think that’s true either. 

I truly believe that Varric and Bianca’s relationship is/should be over by the time DAI ends, it’s run it’s course, but I don’t think either of them are the SOLE cause for it being over. They both contributed to an increasingly untenable relationship and Varric got off way too easy for his part of it in game, leaving Bianca to take the hit. It’s unfair. 

I’ll still take these break the characters down asks! I’m working my way through them, but here’s who I have on deck:

Maria Cadash

Varric Tethras

And who I’ve done: 

Velanna

Bianca Davri