#exceeded my expectations in everyway

[thelog]

halftime performance of the week:

[emmym1]

My thoughts on... Black Widow 2020 (#1-5) "The Ties That Bind"

So after finishing the incredible 50 issue run of Captain Marvel by Kelly Thompson I decided to start reading Black Widow (2020) which also happens to be written by her! I was super excited to read it because Black Widow is one of my favorite characters in the MCU, and while I had casually read some of her comics a few years ago I never really was able to delve into everything the character had to offer in the comics. So it was super excited I now have that chance! And I have to say it absolutely blew my mind how amazing these first 5 issues were, all of my expectations were exceeded.

This run started off amazing and immediatly grabs your attention within the first three pages with its amazing art and visualisation of action sequences. It was actually incredibly how fluid and smooth the action in this. It was drawn in such a way that you could easily understand the flow of the action while also seeing every single detail of it. The art in general in this is absolutely fantastic in everyway. I was really intrigued by the setup of this first arc. Black Widow getting taken out only to reappear as a super happy mother in a perfect family. I was really curious to see as to what actually happened. And as the story progresses you get more and more Truman Show vibes. I think it was a really great pick to have Arcade be the mastermind behind it as this type of thing was completely up his alley. I loved Clint's and Bucky's involvement in this as well. Them trying to figure out what is going on with Nat and not being sure whether they should pull her out of this or not. It's really bittersweet in a way, as they realize it is too good to be true for Nat but still hesitating to pull her out as she seems genuinely happy and at peace. It's kind of tragic too as I imagine she hasn't had much peace or chances to just live life and be happy, and now that she has that chance she gets forced to leave it all behind. Her slowly remembering her old self and then remembering who she was was so well done. The way she slowly took upon her old spy habbits was great. In general they did an amazing job at showing how much her being a spy affects her mind, how she percieves things and how she stands in her daily life. Little things like putting tape on the door so she would know when someone was waiting on her, stuff like that really did a lot for her characterization and showing how much being a spy influences her daily life. The moment she realizes everything and is back to her old self was kind of heartbreaking in a way. As she knew from that point on that she wouldn't have the chance anymore at a peaceful and blissful live with her husband and kid. Even worse, that she would have to break all ties with them so they would be safe and wouldn't get caught up in her troubles. It must've been such a painful moment for Nat, because you see that she genuinely cares for them and genuinely wants a normal life with them. But she just can't. And it's super heartbreaking because you know it really hurts her that she can't have that. The final few issues of this arc were defintely the most emotional and admittedly made me tear up a bit. Them trying their best to bring Nat's husband and kid to safety. And just as she checks up on them and turns her back they get blown up by the people behind this entire mess. That moment was incredibly emotional and heartbreaking, especially due to how good the art was during it. Nat crying as you see her face through the fire, realizing what just happened, and why it was right of her to force them to break all connections with her. It's very painful. I'd imagine that in the back of her mind there was a small part that was convinced that they could make it work somehow and they she could have her happy life with them. And now she gets the ultimate proof that she can't, no matter how much she wants it.

The reveal afterwards that it was a fakeout and that in reality her husband and kid were safe somewhere else on the planet was really shocking. Because it completely recontectualizes the scene where they get "blown up" and Nat cries. One could say she was just acting so everyone would be deceived and convinced of what happened. But I feel like those were genuine tears because like I said she gets the ultimate proof that she can't have a normal and happy life with them. But furthermore, from that point on they're basically "dead" in Nat's eyes. She can't ever see them again, no matter how much she wants it. She'll never know whether they'll be happy and never will get to see her kid grow up and that must be absolutely heartbreaking to realize. And that's what I think she started to realize as the plan was set in motion and the explosion happened. Her happy, perfect family is gone forever and even though they're still out there, she can't ever see or reach them. It's incredible tragic. But the moment that really hit me was this piece of dialogue she has with Bucky afterwards, who was the only one in on the plan: "There's an ache in me I've never felt before. In all the things I have been through... the highs and lows... the peaks of joy and the depths of sorrow...all pain and regret...nothing has felt as empty as this ache. It feels like and endless hole. And I cannot imagine how something so dark and endlees and empty could ever be filled." Seeing her say this and breakdown into bucky's arms on the floor was incredibly emotional and heartbreaking. It really made me tear up because you realize how tragic all of this is. And it only gets proven further in the last few pages of issue 5 as you see both Nat and then her husband and kid sit at the front of their houses each in a different part of the world as Nat talks about finding peace and happiness thinking about how she might be watching the same sunset as them. It's such an emotional page. This first arc just completely sold me on this run. I was left feeling absolutely speechless and emotional after finishing this arc. It really shows how tragic Nat as a character is and how bittersweet her life is. The trajectory of her life is such a tragic one but yet she manages to always push through and be better, even now when she basically lost her entire newfound family that she was genuinely at happy and at peace with. But still she pushes through and wants to be better because of them. And that's what really makes this character so interesting to me. She's been through so much, suffered so much and yet she still stands strong even though it's not always easy and even though she'll never have the normal life she might dream of. She does the best she can given her circumstances and knows who she is and what she can do, but also the things she isn't and can never have. I'm so happy I decided to start reading this run. I'm completely hooked and this first arc just left me feeling speechless and emotional. The art and writing of this run is just absolutly incredibly, every action moment is perfectly visualized and the writing just really sells her as this incredibly spy that can't get topped by anyone while also being a really vunreable person deep down. The last few issues were just incredible and I can't wait to see how Nat will evolve from this. Will she be able to become better for them as she promised or will she give in and take revenge for what she lost? It's going to be really interesting to see where they'll take the story from here. And I for one can't wait to read it!

[myderbystory]

I remember seeing “Whip It” and thinking, “That’s cool! Too bad I’ll never be able to do anything like that. Can’t skate at all.” Years later, I was invited to an open skate and reluctantly attended. I never learned to skate as a kid so I was clinging to the wall trying everything not to fall. I noticed a couple of women skating really confidently, doing crossovers, 180 turns, with a look of focus in their eyes. I was told, “they’re trying out for the Connecticut Roller Girls.” They looked so confident and badass. I immediately wanted to be like them – to play roller derby. After that I bought skates, gear, attended every open skate I could and went to see my first bout. It was a long process for me. Learning to skate enough to be able to try out, the rookie process, becoming scrimmage eligible, making it on a team, my first bout – no part of it has been easy but it’s all made me a better person. Roller derby has exceeded my expectations in everyway. I feel proud of my accomplishments and truly supported by my community. Everyone has that that little voice in their head that says “This is too hard. You don’t know how to do this.” Because of roller derby, that voice has been more quiet, in all areas of my life.

Before I started roller derby, I felt unsure in my physical body and was hyper critical about my size. I quickly learned that there’s no wrong size in derby. And that any “size” I was worried about could be useful on the track. I wanted to be stronger skater and a better teammate so I began cross training; lifting weights and additional cardio. Now when I see photos of myself playing roller derby and I notice my big arms and legs I am really happy because I see strength and purpose.