#ex catholic but i have nothing against believers!

[ms--lobotomy]

Ma'am if you write this well with the catholic guilt debuff, you writing without it might make me die of horny. Would be one hell of a way to go tho so i welcome it

THANK YOUUUUUUU ANON!!! This ask means a lot to me. Hanging it on my fridge

[proclaimtheword]

(Photo credit from another site. I redacted a name often accused against the pope because I don’t like throwing that word around and I don’t believe in using it against other people, no matter how much I disagree with them.)

It has been more than a week since this happened and the pope said this before a congregation on an official trip to Singapore. I’m appalled that catholic tumblr is utterly silent on this, but not surprised. They really only get up to defend their church against protestants, and then even happily side with unbelievers. I hate fighting with other Christians, of all people, and many times avoid it and just move on. But THIS. Come on. COME ON. I thought we at least agreed Jesus is the only way to salvation! How could you not say something? At least don’t be blind to false teaching!

A catholic, of course, tried to defend it, who actually said the pope is not infallible—but I corrected him on that one (I grew up catholic you’re not fooling me, and yes I have been catechized enough)—then came back to say it only applies ex cathedra: meaning, only when he is ‘in office’ with “full authority.”

I said my pastor then has more integrity. He’s not perfect, but at least he says the same thing whether he is on the pulpit or not. He preaches the same gospel whether at church or in a grocery store. And I never have to make up new doctrine to make him or his job infallible, or exalt him more than necessary to a level higher than a church leader or teacher (I am looking at the saint and blessed pope).

Jesus says, I am The Way, The Truth, and The Life. No comes to the Father except through Me.

How clear can that be? I’ve said this before, No wonder Muslims love Catholics (I constantly refer to Islam on this blog because I live in Middle East; this is also where I converted, and I had never known what it was actually like to be Christian until I lived here). If the world had a favorite type of Christian, it might be the Catholics. And if the world had a least favorite type of Christian, I am sure it’s evangelicals. I mean, even other Christians hate us.

Today I went to church. Have I mentioned we don’t actually have a proper church building? We rent a small villa in a far-side residential area with over 50 people at a service (Praise the Lord! Even in a cramped area and with a tight budget, God still fills our house). We don’t have a name or sign plastered outside identifying as a church. We’re scared because it’s not actually legal to run an evangelical church in this country. But there are Catholic, Anglican, Orthodox churches at least one of each in my city. As I’ve said before, evangelism is illegal, but they will openly convert you to Islam. (I don’t blame them, it’s their country, we’re just here as immigrants and treated accordingly. We don’t try to change laws or culture, and we try our best to live according to the rules. As long as we keep to ourselves and treat it nothing more than a closed gathering, we’ll be fine).

Trust me, I missed being Catholic - because I was just happy and carefree. I didn’t know much of the world or the Word. Ignorance is bliss. But my life changed as soon as I became Christian - when I professed that faith, took it seriously, and preached the gospel boldly. Now I understand the Bible even more intimately - anytime it speaks of persecution, insult, and suffering, I can relate to it. When Jesus says ‘love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you,’ it has more weight.

I don’t know where I am going with this post other than it’s a rant and a writing of personal experience. My journey as a Christian is both a blessing and a curse - in the same way the apostles have written about it. But narrow is the way that leads to life. I know persecution is part of Christian life, and I shall rejoice in it.

Repent! I say this to myself more times in a day than I address it to others. I am a sinner. Always will be. But by the grace of God and blood of Jesus on the cross I shall be justified.

Jesus is the Way. There is no other way.

[pawowogic]

Hi! Genuinely please tell me about why you are a Utopian defender, I'm new to the fanbase and I'm interested :D cause it seems to be a pretty rare decision and it's often seen that Daniil is either too cruel or too much of a pawn of the Kains.

sorry for such a late reply, i wanted to make sure that I answered this to my fullest ability...

so why am i a utopian supporter? first of all, i have played pathologic 1 to completion and i have NOT played pathologic 2. all of which i am going to discuss will be about the first game. i will also be doing some interpretations of the game itself, which we be DEEP into spoilers.

i also want to begin by talking about the other 2 ending first, and why i do not like them. but again, every choice is right as long as it is willed - none of the three endings are HORRIBLE, just i prefer one over the others.

first, clara's ending. probably the worst one, besides the plague/no choice ending. a lot of the limitations of this ending come from the fact that it was rushed. if i remember correctly, her original ending was meant to be the plague ending. and it very much shows! it feels rushed and stilted. we aren't given a lot of motivation to choose to sacrifice which of the bound you have, over the course of 11 days, fallen in love with. its heart wrenching. and it isn't a long term solution. people will still need to die after their sacrifices. the plague originates from the plague in the earth, which has become unearthed by the polyhedron. without destroying either of these, more people will have to die. and the people that do die - the reason is that they are 'sinners' in claras eyes. i have a bit of bias - i'm ex-catholic and staunchly against the death penalty, so everything about this ending is against what i am. (really, what is lara's sin? she wanted revenge? she is only nice to the living because of her affection for the dead? and yulia? rubin???). generally, i dont think either the polyhedron or the buildings of the town are worth it.

it also does not affect any of the issues of the town itself. the political system, the subjucation of the kin - all of these issues prevented the plague from being addressed will NOT be fixed with clara.

now, for the haruspex ending. the fandoms favorite. most of my distaste for this ending happened towards the end of day 11 and day 12. first, with the udurgh - we are made to be unsure whether the udurgh is the town or the polyhedron. its very unsure! while this ending is much better than clara's on addressing the plague (you destroy the polyhedron, stopping the spread of plague and getting a LOT of cure). but this is an impermenant solution. 10 years or 100 years from now, someone will dig a hole in this town. maybe it will be a well, or another building - but it will happen. and the plague will be unearthed again.

and the political situation that the haruspex ending has? awful. while it does end up getting rid of some of the rulers - they end up just replacing them with their children. it doesn't fix the system - it just makes the cage softer. and again, in 100 years, their might be another big vlad, another saburov family that will be awful for this town. the final cutscene of his ending has a running motif of wheels and gears turning, as if nothing had changed. it's very unsettling.

one thing i think people get wrong about the utopian ending is that many believe that daniil die. while this is a fun theory, it's not really supported by the text. if the game designers WANTED his death to be apart of the choice, they would have shown it. they also are concerned that he is not in his ending cutscene. which is true! but it would be weird if he was. i mean, he's not from the town. he's not becoming apart of the leadership. why would he stick around? maria is becoming the leader.

another reason for people's dislike of the utopian ending is people's dislike for the kains. and yes, they aren't the greatest. they often manipulate you as daniil one way or another. but, almost every character does manipulate him for their own ends. aglaya does it so daniil will destroy the polyhedron (out of revenge for both her sister and the powers that be)

now . i want to talk about teensy and tot and how these endings effect them and what i believe the polyhedron and the town represents. the enitre game of pathologic is just a game by these two playing after losing their grandfather. this is pretty simple - this grandfather they have lost is represented by simon and isidor. both are killed by the plague, just as teensy and tot's grandfather died by sickness. simon was described as an immortal, great man that everyone loved - likely a childs perspective on their own grandparents. each of the endings is a way that these children deal with the death, as they are not allowed at the funeral.

the polyhedron is simon's memory. that is what the kains want to do with it, have him continue to live within it. but this would cause the children to evacuate it, thus leaving the softness of childhood. if the town is preserved but the polyhedron is destroyed, childhood remains (with the soul and a halves and dogheads given more power) but the memory of the grandfather is dead. if both are perserved - well, in my opinion, it's suicide. the town stagnates, nothing changes. people must die for both to survive.

with this whole-dealing-with-grief metaphor, both losing childhood or losing simons memory are awful sacrifices. but i personally believe that memory is more important. ignoring death is not dealing with it - as these children (and all of us) will lose more people in our lives.

also the polyhedron is really sexy sorry.

[casperghoost]

A rant about my experience growing up Catholic ft. Ghost

Tw: mention of depression and suicide

Man, I want to rant about ghost and explain the entirety of the ghost lore to my mom so badly, but considering that basically everything they sing about is worshipping Satan it’s probably not a good idea lol. Like my parents are too religious and I think I’m already on thin ice… next thing I know they’re gonna drag me back to church with them for the first time in 3 years

I certainly don’t have anything against Christians and I send love to all the ghesties who happen to be religious, but when i used to go to church I did not feel welcome there especially in my teenage years. I live in the type of town that’s full of xenophobic conservatives so after I wanted to start expressing myself as a queer non-binary person, I got so many weird looks every time I went out especially going to church and/or seeing people my parents were friends with.

Throughout all my childhood I went to Sunday school and I never actually wanted to be there. I don’t even remember most of the stuff they taught us, but I remember hearing a bunch of stuff that scared me into following Catholicism (ex. We learned about heaven and hell in like 2nd grade and I was scared shitless that if I didn’t “repent” and do x y and z for the rest of my life I would be stuck in hell for eternity).

So by the time I was 12-13, I started to question everything about the Catholic Church. This was also a time that my mental health was rapidly declining so I hated having to get up at 8am every Sunday (considering school this meant I only got an adequate amount of sleep 6 days a week) to spend an hour worshiping a god I barely believed in anymore. I tried praying for my life to get better so I didn’t have to suffer through depression suicidal thoughts anymore but nothing changed. It only got worse until I hit rock bottom at the age of 14 and I was hospitalized and that started a long and rough journey through recovery.

(Note: religion was not the core reason for my struggles with mental health, but it played a part in it)

Since then, I never returned and I think my parents understand why. In the past year or so, I’ve gotten interested in Satanism and the way it embraces freedom, self-empowerment, and justice. I sorta love listening to ghost and other satanic/ occult-related songs and artists because it makes me feel good about myself. I, like many others, find it liberating to embrace a sort of darker and less traditional style to life.

This started as a silly little post sharing my thoughts about how being obsessed with ghost and satanic stuff could get me in a lot of trouble with the environment I live in, but I love rambling sometimes. This is one of the first times I’ve shared something so personal on tumblr XD …I may of may not delete this later tbh.

I’d be surprised if anyone actually read all this, but if you did, thanks for listening :)

[lene-loki]

Heal Me

"I′m not waiting for you to cure, you to heal me I'm not waiting for, for your love You can keep it I′m not waiting for you to come back For you to let me down like that I'm not waiting for you to cure I don′t need it" - Grace Carter "Heal Me"

Summary: Matt Murdock can't stop being Daredevil but that's the only thing you ever asked of him. He made his decision when you gave him an ultimatum although knowing you were pregnant at the time. But now after three years in which he has rarely seen his child, he doubts if he made the right decision in choosing his Alter Ego over you and your daughter.

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Female!Reader

Warnings: Angst

A/N: Hello guys! I haven't proofread this Imagine yet so please excuse any mistakes!! And let me know if you want a second part to this because I still have some angsty ideas left for this 👀❤️

You watched your reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Shaking you clutched the edge of the sink until your knuckles turned white. You looked as horrible as you were feeling. Dark bags under your eyes, your hair resembling a bird's nest with the messy bun you just tied yourself a minute earlier. But you needed to be strong. For yourself but most importantly for your daughter. It didn't matter how difficult this situation was for you, it was still Emely's father you were feeling this way about.

In Emely's three years of life she has seen her father merely a handful of times for which you cursed your catholic ex-boyfriend for eternity.

You would lie if you'd say you were sad to see Matt this little, but you needed to swallow down your pride. He was still the father of your child and if you wanted to or not he was an important part of Emely's life and of course you would never keep her away from him. She needs him.

The doorbell rang.

Usually this sound didn't startle you but now your heart hammered against your ribcage as if it tried to escape your shaking body.

You took a few calming breaths on your way to the front door. This was such a rare occurance you would get it behind you now. There was no need to feel this way. Deep down you knew why seeing him was still such a matter to you.

You wouldn't admit it to anyone not even yourself but to this day you never really processed the breakup between you and Matt Murdock.

When he chose Daredevil instead of you and your unborn child three years ago, your whole world fell apart.

You were really naive enough to believe he would kiss his costume goodbye to be there as a father for your growing little family. But that was just your wishful thinking. In reality he didn't even seem to be happy of the surprising news of your pregnancy. He didn't smile, he didn't hug you, he didn't cry - he was concerned about how a baby would affect his nightly activities. It ended with you leaving and moving out of Hell's Kitchen to Manhattan where you knew you could stay at your mother's.

You tried to tell yourself that this decision was as hard for him to make as it was for you to ask it. Sometimes you thought about him maybe having regrets, maybe suffering as hard as you were but reality always humbled you down. If this all would be the case he would have been there for your daughter. But he never was. He missed every single important step in your child's life and you wondered if it haunted him missing out so much on her or if he really just didn't care. Matt wasn't there in the hospital when you gave birth, he wasn't there on her first birthday, he wasn't there when she took her first little steps, he wasn't there when she spoke her first word - he was never there.

But now was the rare time again where he came to pick her up to take her with him to Hell's Kitchen for the weekend. Although he has been nothing but the worst father for Emely she really loved him.

It broke your heart how happy the toddler was when she saw Matt. It wasn't easy for you to let her go with him alone a whole weekend but it was still his child as well.

There were times where you would have taken him back without a second thought if he would have asked you to despite the pain he caused you because you still loved him this much and you were still dreaming of a little family consisting Matt, you and your daughter.

But that was just another hopeless dream. Now you wouldn't just go back to him that easily. He caused too much damage.

Opening the front door you were met with the sight of Matt Murdock. Your breath gets stuck in your throat, your fingers shaking nervously. Matt akwardly played with his tie as he cleared his throat.

"Hello, (Y/N)." He said softly.

Your eyes fell onto his red lenses while you chewed on the inside of your cheeks. "Hello, Matt."

You needed to rapidly blink as you felt the stinging of tears behind your eyelids.

You had always dreamt about the scenario of greeting him with a kiss and a freshly cooked dinner after he comes home from work. It was all you ever thought of in your pure bliss when you were still his girl. No one could have prepared you back then how shattering all the future greetings with him would be.

Your dream of a happy family died the day he chose Daredevil.

You had already Emely's packed bag sitting in the hallway next to you. Bending down to pick it up, you wanted to give it to him but you paused. Nervously clearing your throat: "Do you need help carrying Emely's bag?"

He shook his head with a small smile. "No, thank you, it's fine."

You just nodded and handed him the bag.

The more you were interacting with him, the more it felt like you were talking to a stranger and this was what hurt the most.

You often asked yourself if his heart was still as broken as yours or if he moved on and lived a happier life now - with someone else maybe.

This thoughts destroyed you. You had to turn your back onto him, barely being able too contain a sob that threatened to leave your mouth.

"EMELY!" You called out after your toddler who was playing with her dolls in the living room. "Your Daddy is here." You tried to sound cheerful and happy for your daughter but your voice ever so slightly cracked and you just knew Matt noticed it.

"DADDY!" You heard her immediately scream.

Emely's little legs came running out of the living room while Matt started to smile so bright that his teeth showed. He bend down to the toodler, instantly picking her up with his free arm.

"Hello, honey." He cooed at the little girl, unable to stop smiling at his daughter.

She started to giggle - just happy to be in her father's arms.

Your teeth sank painfully into your bottom lip as you weren't able to hold back your tears any longer. Matt sensed the shifting in the air, how your heartbeat betrayed your emotions and you just hoped he wouldn't comment it. You just knew if he'd confronted you with the feelings you kept hidden inside of you for all these years, you would crumble apart in front of him. But you didn't wanted him to know how everlasting your heartbreak was while he's been probably in a new realtionship by now.

Matt frowned the longer you kept fighting against your coming breakdown.

"Take care of her. Please." Your voice sounded weak and pleading.

It wasn't easy for you to give your daughter away for the weekend. She was everything you had and you knew you would miss her so much this night even though she was only with Matt for a few days.

He sincerely nodded, sad features evident on his face.

"Of course." He promised while you put your hand on Emely's tiny cheek. "Have fun with Daddy, sweetheart." You tried to smile, your lip quivering.

She smiled at you, her hazel eyes shone brightly.

She resembled Matt so much. It was breathtakingly beautiful and tragic at the same time. "I love you." You whispered against her cheek before pressing a loving kiss on her soft skin.

Matt hesitated.

"(Y/N)." He started but couldn't find the strength to finish what he wanted to say.

Unbeknownst to you, his heart was just as broken as yours was and if his eyes hadn't been hidden behind his red lenses you would have seen the unbearable pain swimming inside of them.

"I'll pick her up on sunday." You said, your voice just above a whisper.

Not waiting for his reply you closed the door, you couldn't hold back your tears any longer.

With your back pressed against the door, you slid down to the floor, Letting your tears run freely down your cheeks now you still pressed your hand over your mouth because you knew Matt could hear you.

He wasn't able to move although he was carrying an impatient toddler in his arms. He heard your sniffing, he heard your surpressed sobs, he heard your heart breaking - all the things he promised he would never make you feel and yet he was the reason why you've been so miserable.

His own eyes stung with tears as he fought against ringing your door bell again. He preferably would have pulled you into his arms and promised you that everything would be alright.

But he had no right to comfort you anymore. You weren't his anymore.

He swallowed down the lump in his throat thinking about how you still could be his girl if he hadn't destroyed everything you two had.

But sadly, his regret came three years too late.

[bechloesupercorp]

Fuck chocolate chip cookies, man. Not in the bad way, just fuckkkkkk. In the grew-up-quadriplegic-in-a-Catholic-orphanage-and-never-got-the-chance-to-try-one way. Ava could spend her whole life just feasting on the little fuckers. Especially the really melty-gooey but somehow still crispy ones that Bea always manages to make, even though she always insists on cutting the sugar in half. Blasphemy is what Ava has to say about that. 

Heavy disco blasted through the room, mixing with Katy Perry’s California Gurls, as the landscape was awash with neons. Somehow simultaneously bright and dingy at the same time, including a giant stage and dancing candy corn. Stripper club slash candy field? Okay!

Ava just laughed, twirling in circles. Giant cookies joined her, all bopping to the music. She could barely hear her own thoughts over the pounding of the bass, laughing even harder at the cookies spinning against the poles.

“Bea!” she squealed, catching sight of the ex-nun, frozen in the middle of the club. She couldn’t help but preen at the smile that tilted at the edge of her lover’s lips the second she saw her, eyes sparkling in amusement. 

“Bea!” she shouted, pointing directly at her before breaking into a run. 

”I need youuuuuu,” she started, launching herself into the air, “to make me moreeee COOKIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! ” 

The room burst into confetti, Ava’s heart exploding at the feel of Bea’s smile against hers.

— — —

A gentle breeze drifted in through the apartment window, opened just a crack. Golden moonlight swept across the floor as a rustle came from the other room. Ava swung her arm over, still half asleep, reaching for her girlfriend.

Girlfriend. 

Ha, she was so lucky.

Mmm. That must have been a good dream. She had no clue what it was about, but it must’ve included Bea. Nothing could make her chest warm the same way.

She still couldn’t believe it. The war was over and they returned to their little abode in the mountains, going back to laughing with the regulars and suppressing the shot of jealousy that occurred every time the other got flirted with by a patron. Nowadays, those exchanges could swiftly be shut down with a gentle kiss on the cheek and a saccharine smile with the same energy as screaming “ FUCK OFF. ” 

Ava hummed contentedly to herself, continuing to search at the sheets. 

Nothing.

“Bea?” she whispered, eyebrows furrowing as another clang came from the kitchen. Prying her eyes open, she took in the half dark room, blankets haphazardly thrown across the bed.

“Beaaaa,” she sang, slowly opening the door. The kitchen was dark too. And so was the rest of the apartment. 

She would have missed the figure hovering by the counter if not for the bang of metal on metal that accompanied it. She moved closer, recognizing her immediately.

“Beatrice? Are you okay?”

Bea just grumbled back, turning away to get something. 

Ava smiled, assured that nothing of urgence was wrong. ”Bea.”

Beatrice just mumbled again, doing something. Ava had no clue. 

“Bea, what’re you up to?” she asked, stepping closer and peeking around to catch a glimpse of the assortment of bowls spread along the counter.

“Yhwrneownmaymkckies,” Bea replied assuredly with her adorable little accent, before turning swiftly to go into the fridge. 

“Bea?” Ava asked again, voice creeping higher as she tried not to laugh.

“Kies, A’a!” Beatrice admonished, thrusting a cold brick into Ava’s hand. “O’en.”

Ava’s face screwed into a laugh at the sight of her. It was so unlike the Beatrice she saw in the day, constantly pushing her hair out of her face and ironing her clothes. She liked this adorable, frumpy-looking Bea with her slight bedhead and half lidded eyes, lips pressed in a grumpy pout. Smears of flour dusting over her navy pyjamas. They had matching sets. 

“!!!” Beatrice frowned, signalling at the block still in Ava’s hands. 

Ava’s eyebrows shot up at this, unable to keep the smile from her voice. 

“Bea. This is cream cheese.”

Beatrice somehow got even grouchier at this, twisting away to angrily mix some flour, sending clouds of dust over the both of them. 

Ava wanted to kiss her right then and there. 

“Let’s go to bed.”

Beatrice’s whole body slumped, an even sadder frown on her face, doe eyes open but unseeing. 

“We’ll bake tomorrow, okay?” Ava smiled at the assortment of ingredients in the bowl – flour, sugar, chocolate, peppers, half a bitten carrot, and the baby Jesus magnet Ava had picked up the last time they were at the Vatican. 

Uh oh. Bea was not going to be pleased at having to clean Frig-Jesus from errant dust before they could put him back on the fridge.

Beatrice just hummed, tilting her head to the side. “Kies, Ilvu.”

“I love you too Bea,” Ava promised, gently grabbing her hand to pull her back to their room. 

She got Bea all tucked and cozy in bed, blanket up to her chin, before pulling away to get in on her own side. “Kis?” Beatrice whispered sadly, averting her eyes. 

Ava paused, just staring. “Only on the cheek for now.” 

Then she climbed into bed, feeling Bea move straight into her arms. Letting her eyes fall shut, she pressed her nose into the crown of Bea’s head. This is the love of her life.

[swearyshera]

You can't really get away from the religious / Christianity undertones with this, the "stained-glass language" as it were, but I would like to put a bid in that I think what She-Ra got at with the canon on this stuff was something of a specific form of it - a popular form, but there are actually many shades of "Christianity" out there. I've known Progressive Christians and Liberation Theology folks who are the absolute opposite of the authoritarian views. (There are LGBT+ ministers out there, in liberal churches, is what I'm saying). There are also people like me who are ex-evangelical, but who kept certain aspects of the belief system to become Progressive / go our own way. Granted, the authoritarian types, the Evangelical-authority structure that Prime represents, they don't think of the "liberal" or "leftist" Christians as actual Christians and tend to gatekeep authors and speakers out of "Christian" venues. (It's basically the reason like Rob Bell, a pastor who wrote a book arguing that Hell doesn't exist got drummed out of mainstream theological circles, to say nothing of what they do to LGBT+ believers and allies). I am sorry for rambling, but this is a long-term interest of mine. I'm an ex-evangelical in a long deconstruction. I've also been going through a fresh round of the Deconstruction That Never Ends as a part of my grief-process (I'm the person who lost a loved one this week, previous ask), so it is on the forefront of my mind. I just... in response to others, I do want to put in a word that describing Prime's ways as symbolic of "Christian" is... not inaccurate at all and is very on-point, but to warn that to fall into the trap of* all* things under the broad "Christian" banner are emblematic of that is kind of like saying "All Muslims are ISIS" or "All dogs are Dobermans." I do think the "Christian Left" needs a new name because "Christian" is essentially ruined, but we have not found it yet. All Dobermans are Dogs, but not all Dogs are Dobermans, I guess. I find, personally, that Prime represents a specific thing. He's the God who is worried about what's in your pants. He's a God who believes that suffering purifies. He is the God who will send you to Hell for not living to his perfection. Some of us who believe in a higher power and might even still call ourselves "Christian" for lack of a better, modern term stopped believing in that God long ago. (And want to murder him with as much extreme prejudice as future-Hordak with neck-grab strangle abyss-drop). You can guess at what scene I am most looking forward to in Sweary She-Ra. Make my boy Hordak shine. _freedfromthegalactichivemind

Nate has said a couple of times, I think, that Horde Prime and the whole storyline surrounding him was inspired by his own evangelical upbringing, so it's very much not a coincidence that much of Prime's world is a reflection of that particular type of Christianity. Personally, I grew up as Roman Catholic, which is a rather different type of Christianity to Evangelicalism, so this kind of outward, 'repent or go to hell' preaching is a little alien to what I'm familiar with. But there are still parallels.

The reason I haven't explicitly mentioned religion in the comic is twofold. The first being that I just don't have enough experience with the type of Christianity that Prime represents to make it (for want of a better word) faithful. It would either be a poor imitation or an exaggeration. And yeah, religion means a lot to some people - I mean, this is tumblr so you could all be out there like 'God is dead and I killed her', but I think there's a chunk of you who don't want to see the sledgehammer 'Religion bad' message it would end up as. The other reason is that I don't have an axe to grind against religion - I'm not religious now, but I've never had reason to say 'the church is awful and we should take it down'. Maybe I'm lucky, I dunno. So I focus here on the things that I do have stronger opinions about - the rise of anti-lgbt hate (shown in Prime's story), and the importance of persevering and showing that it really does get better if you just hold on (shown in Catra's).

And yes, Prime does represent that specific type of God used to strike fear into people to obtain obedience and compliance. And this scene, the 'purification' is a perfect example of that. I genuinely don't think Prime is too bothered by Catra calling Hordak by his name, I don't think he needs to go through the whole memory wipe thing for that. He does it as a show of power to scare Catra into obedience and compliance with his wishes. It's bad enough at face value, what Prime does, but when you consider that he's needlessly torturing a living being as a threat to someone else... ugh, that's utterly horrific.

Anyhow, I am not nearly knowledgeable enough to be debating religion and its portrayal in SPOP. All I can do is tell you things from my point of view and how I reflect them here. But one thing's for sure, I think we're all looking forward to Prime's defeat!

[butternuggets-blog]

FOR WANT OF A NAIL

@baldwin-montclair @adowobsessed @sylverdeclermont @nicki-mac-me @thereadersmuse @kynthiamoon @wheresthesunshinesblog @adowbaldwin @beautifulsoulsublime @lady-lazarus-declermont @adarafaelbarba @dogblessyoutascha

Part Twenty-Seven

Summary: Baldwin Montclair had a string of ex girlfriends, a single child, and a lifetime longer than most people could dream of to make all kinds of mistakes. His family knew one which kept coming out of the woodwork to irritate him every other century.

Also on AO3

BLOOD/GORE, MASS MURDER, RELIGIOUS CONFLICT. JUST...EVERY TRIGGER WARNING. CONSIDER THIS A BLANKET WARNING FOR THE ONGOING STORY ARC FOR THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS.

They had heard about the massacres. Everyone had. Martin had wanted to set out for the Rhineland then and there, but Godfrey had unhelpfully pointed out his oath, and that they were still waiting for troops to arrive. Martin said nothing, and thought of Miriam.

When they heard about Mainz, Martin nearly chewed through his own tongue not saying anything. Especially when they each received icy letters from Miriam stating that she and Bertrand were ahead of Count Emicho's army, and would continue on to Constantinople to wait for them there, after they had finished resettling as many displaced Jews as they could rescue from the pogroms.

A mercenary no longer.. you serve an army now, not just yourself..

You made vows...you must uphold your vows..

...godsdammit...

When they finally set off in August on the Feast of the Assumption, they led an army of forty thousand overland, following the trail of butchery and devastation left in the wake of the People's Crusade.

Peter the Hermit, a Roman Catholic monk, had been at Clermont when Pope Urban II called for the liberation of Jerusalem, and he had enthusiastically set out to whip up an army. The thin sliver of difference between Jews and Muslims had been eradicated by Crusading fervour, and men, women and children were murdered by Peter and his followers wherever they went. The church condemned the slaughter, though this did nothing to stop the carnage, and by the time Urban's crusaders marched out around two thousand people had committed suicide, or been cut down trying to escape the rampaging horde.

‘-and I say it is an allegory’

Martin’s head shot up and he strained forward in the saddle, trying to see through the crowd. The column of people thinned as they filed through a narrow stretch of road between the trees and suddenly all six foot of Big York lurched into view.

‘So you say. I choose to believe that there was a crusading goose’

Martin smiled and watched Yenny trail after her brother. She was standing on carved wooden feet secured to her legs by a metal band, leaning her weight on a thick walking staff to keep her balance. Martin had gifted her her first prosthetics after she had complained about not being able to afford them, but these ones were clearly new.

'What is all this?' Martin exclaimed, smiling as he nudged his way gently through the throng. 'What are you doing here?'

'Uncle Martin!'

The two scrambled over and Martin pulled Yenny up onto the horse for a hug and a moment's rest. Big York clasped his uncle's arm in greeting as his sister groaned with relief and rubbed her calves.

'Mamm sent us to aid the pilgrims with any medicine they require' Big York gestured to the bucket and ladle he held in his hand. 'People are thirsty on the road, so we have been giving them water.'

'Where is your mother?'

'With Miriam, helping the Jews' Yenny turned to face her uncle, 'They are waiting in Magyar Királyság for you.'

Martin looked confused. 'I thought that they were going on to Constantinople?'

'The crusaders were routed by the army at Moson. Nearly everyone died.'

Fear shivered through Martin's gut and he clenched his hands instinctively.

'Mamm is alright' said Big York, in a soothing tone. He rapped his knuckles against Martin's shield, making it clang loudly. 'If you are concerned for our safety, perhaps we should wear your colours while we are here, so that no one can be mistaken about who's household we ride with.'

'It is decided then' Yenny announced, breezily.

Martin's heraldry was a deep red cross on a bright yellow background, interspersed with four blue rampant lions, each in its own empty square around the cross. He would have liked a colour scheme that didn't clash so horribly with his hair, but since he had earned his position rather than creating it outright he was hardly in a position to be choosy.

'Perhaps that would be for the best.'

'It is' Martin helped her slip from the saddle back down to the ground. She gripped her brother's arm for a moment, then regained her balance.

'When we reach the next town, I shall pay for you both to be outfitted. Til then, please be careful.'

________________________________________________________________

The moment the manacles clanged shut on his wrists took on ominous meaning for Martin over the centuries. Had he not been imprisoned, would he have been able to prevent what happened? Could he have persuaded Matthew away from the burgeoning disaster?

The army had arrived at the border of Magyar Királyság to find a group of strangers waiting for them. A band of forty knights and peasants slowly emerged from the trees, begging for food and water and shelter until the crusaders absorbed them into their ranks and carried them with them over the border.

Godfrey had summoned their leaders to his tent and Martin watched while three half-starved men staggered inside to tell their tale. He listened as cracked lips lied that the murders they had committed had been in the name of God, and not antisemitism.

Their leader, a German knight in his late twenties, spun a story of humble crusaders martyred for the cause before they managed to reach the Holy Land. He let the others beg that those few that remained be allowed to join Godfrey's army; Benjamin Fuchs never begged.

Martin almost admired his ability to shift seamlessly between centre stage and the background. The man used his underwhelming physicality to hide in plain sight, but he could draw attention onto himself with a commanding tone or look when it suited him.

He was hiding now. Somehow the human was simultaneously at the front of, and behind, the two knights he was sandwiched between, his dark eyes observing every detail keenly, a wolfish smile curling his lips.

Dangerous. Very dangerous.

‘-and that is why, perhaps, you will see your way to letting us pass through your realm’ Godfrey finished. He gestured to the three kneeling knights; two of the men looked suitably humble while Benjamin simply stared.

‘I understand your reluctance to do so, however I am not Count Emicho. I will not allow the men under my command to roam abroad lawlessly.’

When the guards at the border had not let the crusaders cross over into the kingdom, Godfrey had sent Martin and Matthew to deliver a message to King Coloman, humbly requesting entry. However, it had taken a full week before the king had agreed to meet them.

Now he was sitting before them in a resplendently carved chair, silently listening to Godfrey’s polite grovelling.

‘I will make you a deal.’

Godfrey stood up a little straighter.

‘I will allow your army to pass through, as you have said, however I require hostages. To keep your men in line, you understand?’

‘I do. I do understand.’ Godfrey’s smile was slightly forced, even as he bowed politely.

Matthew, Martin and Hugh shared a worried glance. One of the kneeling men started to cry.

‘May I suggest Sieur Bouchard’ Baldwin purred. ‘He commands a significant portion of our army; his men are loyal to a fault. They will not risk his neck.’

‘I thought that I might request yours.’ said Coloman, smoothly. Baldwin’s face fell.

‘I do offer myself as an alternative’ Martin interjected, but Coloman waved a hand and Martin fell silent.

‘Both men then. And Lady Godehilde, to ensure her husband’s compliance whilst in our care.’

Author's Notes

Deborah Harkness was deeply inspired by the Crusades. The leaders of the Crusades became various De Clermonts, or inspired certain characters and their origins.

Because I am also mixing her version of history, and our real world, characters' behaviours are going to be a lot more palatable than what really happened.

Godfrey stemmed from Godfrey of Bouillon, the duke of Lower Lorraine. A scathing review of the man, in a Hebrew text known as the Solomon bar Simson Chronicle, alleged that "Duke Godfrey, may his bones be ground to dust, ...vowed...to avenge the blood of the crucified one by shedding Jewish blood and completely eradicating any trace of those bearing the name 'Jew'". Emperor Henry banned Godfrey from carrying out this threat, and he eventually allegedly stated that he had never intended to massacre innocent civilians in the first place. However, he did willingly accept bribes from Mainz and Cologne when he travelled through the area to leave the Jewish communities there in peace.

"Altruistic" protection of the Jews - The Church officially condemned the Rhineland Massacres, as they came to be known, but certainly not for purely altruistic reasons. Saint Augustine preached that since the Jews also worshipped the Bible, they should be allowed to follow their religion since it proved Christianity was true. The Church was following this line of thinking.

Another reason for defending the Jews was that failing to do so would undermine the power of the Church to protect itself. "...The Peace of God or Pax Dei was a proclamation issued by local clergy that granted immunity from violence to noncombatants who could not defend themselves, beginning with the peasants and the clergy" (Wikipedia). If the Church failed to fulfil the terms of Pax Dei they themselves had set, it would send the clear message that the proclamation was worthless and anything was permitted.

Crusader Goose: There is a story - credited between Guibert of Nogent, Albert of Aix, and Solomon bar Simson - of a goose which was hand-raised by a woman. Eventually, the woman, believing the goose to be filled with the Holy Spirit, followed the goose wherever it went. When it entered a church, the woman took it as a sign to go on pilgrimage with the People’s Crusade. The goose died in Lorraine, where the woman cooked and ate it.

This nonsensical attitude to a potential portent of the Crusades was described as simultaneously ridiculous, dangerously stupid, and chillingly narrow-minded by all three authors. The story is now regarded by some academics to be an allegory, rather than an accurate report of an incident. The goose represents the hysterical religious fervour and antisemitism that sprung up in the People’s Crusades.

Medieval prosthetics - Archaeologists have discovered a few examples of prosthetics from the Middle Ages and earlier, over the years. Losing a limb to accident or disease was extremely common during early human history, and there was a market for prosthetics. Like now, however, ordinary people were often priced out of owning anything. And also, the options they did have (again, like now) were bulky and not particularly sophisticated. Many people may have chosen not to wear artificial limbs.

I was inspired by this article. I feel like Yenny would probably have had a leather and linen “sock” made so she doesn’t have the skin rubbed off her ankles by the brass ring. 

Mamm - mother (Common Brittonic, I think, which was the language spoken in Britain prior to, and along side, Roman Latin)

Magyar Királyság - Hungarian for the Kingdom of Hungary (please correct me if I got this wrong)

[lnights]

☕ Christmas!

Ooof alright.

So first I'll say I do like all the house decorations I see for Christmas, they're pretty cool and there's a few houses in my neighborhood and my folks neighborhood that go all out on decor displays for Christmas and Halloween so those are cool to see, and it's nice to be able to get stuff on sales and chocolate oranges only ever really show up around this time and I love those.

Rant section: maybe don't read if your a fan of Christmas.

TL:RD I think Christmas brings some fun things around this time of year but there's a lot I don't like about it, even if I kinda go along with it because of my in-laws.

Tbh I'm saying this as someone whose lives in the US and has their whole life, I don't know how different it is in other countries.

IT FUCKING DOMINATES EVERYTHING!

Days off school and work? Totally centered around it (assuming you don't work retail, if you do you just suffer longer hours until the 25 then you're allowed to die)

I saw fake Christmas trees being sold in fucking September this year. SEPTEMBER.

*angry bat squeaks*

And it's everywhere and every year I see people whining and trying to acted like there's a "war on Christmas". Why? BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE CELEBRATES YOUR CHRISTIAN HOLIDAY KAREN!? And if anyone isn't shoving candy canes up their ass is apparently attacking it.

Because Starbuck doesn't put "Merry Christmas" on their holiday cups anymore, but "happy holidays" or more benign winter stuff like snowmen or flakes that?

It's not like THERE'S A BUNCH OF OTHER HOLIDAYS IN WINTER. and of course there's people that just don't celebrate any of it.

I was raised in a different religion than Christianity so my family never celebrated Christmas, and I legit had people feeling sorry for me when they found out and I just 🤷🏻‍♀️ didn't care. It's part of another religion, why would I care about it?

"but don't you want presents?" No? Plus my birthday is in January lol I'll get presents.

"oh but you don't have to celebrate the Jesus part!" It's. A. Christian. Holiday.

"it's really more cultural." Yeah Christan culture.

And then there's the fact almost everything attached to Christmas (yule logs, wreaths, trees, stockings, probably lights, etc) Was ripped from other winter holidays (Saturnila, yule, solstice etc) with the express purpose of converting pagans.

Also, historians believe Jesus' birthday was most likely in June, even that was changed to put Christmas with more holidays so they could convert more people.

And before someone comes at me I am talking about the history of it, this is all documented history. Has it morphed somewhat since that time? Yes.

I hate the assumption of everyone celebrating it. It's so enmeshed in the culture here even though we have so many different people and beliefs. You literally can find someone from anywhere here and basically every belief structure, it's one of the few things I like about my country (my state alone has a good sized communities of Muslims, Jewish, Asatreu (Norse Pagan) and Wiccan) and people get pissy if you don't play make believe with your kids about a fat man on a red suit.

Aaand somehow I've been roped into celebrating it every year with my in-laws because my SO is ex-catholic. Please don't think me a hypocrite, they're aware of my views.🫣

Look, I really have nothing against people celebrating it, religiously or not, ultimately it's a time to get together with people and I hope people do that, spend more time with people they like (the cultural pressure to be with family even if they're awful is another thing that can go though)

[until-the-brahmin-come-home]

Hi I’ve got some questions about Sam since. You’re doing a run of Fallout 3!

1. What’s his relation with religion like?

2. What is his relation with the Brotherhood + minor factions like?

3. Feel free to ramble about him I’m curious!

Hello, and thank you for the questions! It should be noted that Sam is agender and uses they/them pronouns.

Answers under the cut:

Sam is an ex-Catholic; they followed the religion when they were younger, and they still value it as a way to feel close to their late mother, but in their teens they realized they didn't feel they were connecting to god like they were 'supposed' to and gradually grew distant. Now they're somewhat agnostic; they've seen enough strange things to have a belief in the supernatural, but they don't believe in an almighty creator. They do still wear a cross on a necklace, and utilize some christian symbolism - for example, in their name (Samael), and many of their tattoos. I, personally, am not religious and don't have a strong connection to christianity besides the background 'i am an adult who grew up in america', so my thoughts on this front aren't as put-together as I'd maybe like them to be.

a) Sam. hates. the Brotherhood. They think the whole group is full of pretentious, bigoted, self-righteous assholes and if they could avoid working with them they would. Unfortunately, the railroad-y nature of the story means that Sam does have to grit their teeth and go along with them in places, but they won't make it easy. Very "I'm not stuck here with you, you're stuck here with me" energy in a lot of their interactions - Sam would frequently start fights, steal things, and otherwise be as difficult to work with as possible. If it weren't for the fact that Sam was integral to Project Purity, Lyons probably would've kicked them out. Once the whole ordeal is over they abandon the BoS and never look back. I've toyed with the idea of Sam being the one who killed Sarah Lyons in-between 3 and 4, although I'm not sure if I'll make that canon to their story or not.

b) Sam also hates slavers and the Enclave and will go out of their way to attack them whenever possible. They're not fond of raiders but will leave them alone if they don't attack first - something that, sadly, doesn't happen too often. On the flipside, they get along well with Little Lamplight + Big Town and swing by frequently to make sure they're doing alright; they're friendly with the Family, having some quiet cannibalistic tendencies themselves (they'd never kill someone to eat them, but if they're already dead, meat is meat...only when supplies are low, though); they genuinely like Reilly's Rangers and are happy to help them map out the wasteland; they think both Talon company and the Regulators are weird and annoying, although they obviously have a lot more problems with Talon; they think the Underworld is cool; and in the made up version of fo3 in my head where the super mutants are well-written, Sam gets along fine with them too. Sam has nothing against the Children of Atom or the Treeminders but, because of some weird interactions, quietly tries to avoid them. The whole 'disarming the bomb' and 'killing Harold' thing doesn't help.

3. Random info: they avoid finding their dad for a really long time. They get the information of where he went off of Moriarty's terminal, but after that they just fuck around doing quests for Moira and dragging trinkets back to their house. Since I'm currently doing the wasteland survival guide - I'm choosing snide options because I want the critical hit bonus, but Sam would choose the intelligent ones; they're very much a scientist when it comes to how they view the world.

Also, they learn how to do tarot readings from Beatrice in 101, and carry a deck with them into the wasteland, occasionally doing readings before major events.

[crossedwithblue]

Re. tags, yeah I'd be very happy to discuss it! With the caveat that this is all sort of absorbed from being brought up in the faith and is my understanding/interpretation of it, a different (ex-)Jain might disagree on some of it.

As a general overview it's philosophically quite similar to Buddhism - the end goal is also to gain enlightenment and break the cycle of reincarnation by ridding yourself of karma. There are 24 'teachers' who gained enlightenment and whose example you're supposed to follow and learn from (you aren't meant to worship them per se but you do do prayer rituals with their statues all the same, it's meant to be a request for them to help you see the way? I guess it's sort of like Catholicism where you functionally worship saints when requesting intercession but don't call it that, though there is no higher power) but the main one's life story is really similar to the Buddha's (started as a prince who was sheltered from all suffering and evil because he was prophesied to gain enlightenment and the king didn't want to lose his son, ended up seeing old age, illness and death anyway, left the palace and renounced all luxuries to wander and meditate, ridded himself of all karma by not responding to anyone/anything who wronged him or helped him, finally reached enlightenment).

Historically I believe it came out of the same heterodoxy against Hinduism as Buddhism did i.e. being opposed to the idea that there is no way out of the cycle of reincarnation. Karma is what causes/drives reincarnation in this family of religions (the amount+type of karma you have determines your next birth (e.g. someone with lots of bad karma might be a demon in their next life, someone who did a lot of good might be a 'higher animal'), plus you can be karmically linked to specific souls/individuals and be predisposed to be friends or enemies with them. There's probably more stuff that I don't know about but karma does work pretty differently to the Western conception of it). I'm not entirely sure how this interfaces with the idea that attachment is the root of all suffering, possibly that the karma generated by any given interaction is a manifestation of attachment??

But basically the idea is that a layperson should live as good and unattached a life as they can, even if they can't go off and do all the monk-type stuff. You're also meant to do as little harm as possible which is where the food rules stem from. There's also a lot of emphasis on meditation and fasting, even laypeople will do pretty extreme fasts like taking in nothing but boiled water for two weeks at a time, or a Ramadan-esque fast of only having one very simple meal a day for months on end.

If some of this sounds pretty similar to Buddhism that's because it is, there are philosophical differences but as far as I'm aware they're mostly in the semantics.

At its core I think there are a lot of good points to Jainism and it's definitely shaped my worldview and moral compass a lot, but a combination of the sort of religious guilt it formed in me (probably not as extreme as Catholic guilt but it's really easy to interpret the teachings as 'you're not allowed to enjoy anything ever') plus the hypocrisy I saw in a lot of laypeople, are what cause me to no longer call myself a Jain (though I still go to the temple with grandma cause it makes her happy).

Gonna stop now because it's turned into a mini-essay but if you have specific questions I will do my best to answer them!

LMFAO

[ilovetheseattlemariners]

I just want someone to say to me “I’m here with you now”

Am I going crazy for you now. I have work tomorrow. I just wish I could be in Kelowna. Are you still waiting for me on June 2024. Do I pick up my phone after I stop running and it’s you except you still say you love me then and we get going on nothing at all. Sweetly. Are we still under the trees at Crescent Beach, smoking darts and eating McDonald’s. And I’m thinking you’re exactly the kind of person I should be falling in love with. Thank you for showing me who I should fall in love with. Are we still holding hands and walking down the pier at New West. Or is it me, waiting for a typewriter and having smoking the first cigarettes I ever got with my own coin. Had my first smoke in Rutland, after we hung out one night and you got shitfaced and I don’t drink and I don’t know you any longer, I told myself that. So does the me of December 2023 get to know you, too? That your vomit was chartreuse. Is it now Autumn? Do I still have September of 2024. Will I have May 2025 when it comes to me, or will it all dissipate to my touch like it all always has. Are we alone during the BC Catholics. You lied and told the nurse you were sick so your mom could pick you up. And then it was COVID and I never saw you the same ever again. When I did it was me and you facing each other on the skytrain ride back home, after we’d both sat silently at a table outside Granville. I was reading, you were sipping on a matcha. And then we got on the train and decided to face each other and stay completely silent the whole time. I wanted to punch your ex’s face. I was broken. He broke me. We were friends once. I cared for nothing more than our friendship once, for nothing more than staying late in 217 or the music room. Those don’t belong to me now. If we are ever born again in this world, do you think we will ever get a chance to love each other again. Can you tell me “I’m here with you now.” Tell me why I miss Central City mall, the fuck ass used games store; why I miss Orchard Park. Why I always think about meeting my ex girlfriend studying at SFU and how the first thing we did was kiss. How I think about meeting my ex bf after watching Cars with A. talking philosophically about things and lamenting having to leave and wanting to make the most out of it all, wanting “more out of life than this”. And I didn’t know what things between me and my ex would be. And then I ran into my ex studying and the first thing we did was kiss, too. How I miss Seattle. How I could live there and have that life forever. Third wheeling. How the past is just a collage of things we should’ve kept going. Things that should be permanent. How the only things real in life are those that are sacred, says Auden, and what’s sacred is ritual. And how ritual goes against the basic law of life: that nothing lasts forever. Transit in Seattle is so impossibly nice. I’d like to show you that. I’d like to show you that I still care. That I can still be a lover and that I still love you. I want to hear your voice, your laugh. Watch your horsey videos. Play Backyard Baseball with you. Watch anything with you over a screen. Why the fuck am I always having to love through a screen. Can I just be with you in person. Your braids at mass were pretty, can I just say? I can’t believe I ever had the balls to just pull you aside at mass and ask for your number. That still is probably one of the greatest things I’ve ever and will ever do. We went to UBC together that one day and it was magical and poetic and you could feel summer ending and we took the prettiest photo of us together at the beach. I go to UBC almost every day now and its nothing like that. I miss you. I don’t know why you continue ghosting me. I want you to tell me “I’m here with you now”. I think you might be the most important person in my life. I don’t want you to be gone. We had advisory together. We were the only two not in the band to go to the night market and I told you ai thought I was gay and the sun was fading already and you’d leave a note in a jar for me saying thanks for the affection, it made you feel wanted and

[flamingwordsinthesky]

Beneath the Moonless Sky (WIP)

Note: this is 616 Peter and Elektra. Not the MCU

“He's so stubborn, and self-righteous. Must do everything by his morals and rules.” Spider-Man grips the edge of the mattress as she speaks. Looking out the window while he scowled at the cold night sky. “He's only Catholic when it's convenient.” She says aloud to add to the book of complaints against Matt Murdock. 

A man they both loved.

“He's a hypocrite! He gets mad at me when I do something he one hundred percent would’ve done.”

“It's like he sees himself better than the rest of us.”

“Or he puts you on a pedestal then gets mad when he realizes you're not perfect.” 

Elektra makes a contemplative noise. Remembering Matt praying at the edge of their bed. I pray that Peter will forgive me. 

“I hated his beard.” She said unprovoked.

“I hate how he keeps lying to me.”

“I hate how he never sees how I change. Like he's keeping track of all my sins.” Elektra gets up from the bed as Spider-Man - Peter - looks at her.

“Matt has the worst fashion tastes.”

“He used to force me to go antiquing with him and it was so boring.”

“What? Ugh! I thought that was our thing! I can't believe him!” Peter threw his hands in the air in frustration.

“He sometimes smells like old books and lotion and it reminds me of an old man.”

“I wanna punch him in the face sometimes. Just to make him less pretty.” 

“Sometimes I wanna strangle him when he starts moralizing.” Elektra looked at her hand ls as they curled. Imagining the feeling of Matt's neck crushed against her finger tips.

“He’s used me as bait multiple times! And every time I get hurt!”

“He's selfish!” Elektra yells. Anger building and she can see it in Peter's eyes as well. Resentment and rage for the same man.

A man they both loved. 

But not at that moment.

“He's condescending!” Elektra yells as she stares at Peter. As if he's a mirror reflecting that anger back at her.

“He always has to be in the right!” Peter yells.

“He cheated on me! Then have the gall to ask for my loyalty!”

“He slept with my ex he knew I still had feelings for!”

“He only loves me when life is too good for him. Then runs when things get too violent for him.”

“Just once. Just once I want to ignore him! Not help him. But I do it every time.”

“Matthew Murdock is a fucking piece of shit!” They scream in unison.

It's that moment she realized they've been moving closer to each other.  For a few moments, it was just them. Elektra and Peter. Nothing outside their naked bodies, their heavy breathing, and shared rage.

The world outside that bed didn't matter.

Matthew didn't matter.

Suddenly. They were a man and a woman. No more. No less.

[leviathans-body-pillow]

Mc with religious trauma that instantly trusts the brothers but is fearful and cold towards Simeon and Luke (at least at first)

Warnings: mentions of religion and religious trauma

((I’m writing this from my own ex-Christian/catholic perspective.))

Lucifer

He can’t help but feel proud that you trust him so easily.

He knows it might be childish but seeing a human turn away from an angle for him really strokes his ego

He works hard to nurture your faith in him.

If you ever want to vent about your experience he’s happy to listen.

He’s also sympathetic towards you fear and mistrust of Angels, having used to be the highest ranking of them all. He know full well how angels can be self righteous and happy to smite innocent humans in the name of their father.

He won’t really interfere to try and get you to warm up to them, low key encourages your negative feelings even if it isn’t what Diavolo would want.

Mammon, Levi, Beel, Asmo, Belphie

Over all their very understanding of how you feel.

Something that may have kept you a part from then has actually helped you grow close to them

To some extent they all share in your pain, they all know how it feels to be betrayed and cast out by something you have faith in.

Some worry you may hate them due to them having been angels (Beel, Levi, Mammon)

The others encourage your hatred (Asmo and Belphie)

Beel actually feels a little bad for Luke and tries to act as a peace maker between you two.

Satan

He has some rather complicated feels on the matter

He can feel your rage and hatred and he believes it’s totally justified

Although he was never an angel nor had he ever lived in the celestial realm, he has lucifers feeling and memories to go off of.

Over all he knows your religion uses his name as a main antagonist, some times in place of Lucifer’s, and he’s glad you don’t hate him.

Over all

You fit in perfectly in the house of lamentation.

The brothers are happy you see their side of things and are more than willing to corrupt you further.

Diavolo

He’s surprised honestly. He knew humans had problem with demon but angels? He thought humans loved the celestial realm. Always talking about guardian angels and fearing demons. He didn’t think the celestial realm had its own problems with humans. Of course he’s more concerned about being an ambassador for the demon race but he encourages you to at least try to get to know your fellow exchange students.

Simeon

He’s sympathetic towards your feeling just as he sympathizes with his fallen brothers.

Like Lucifer he’s aware of how cruel and stern angels can be especially towards humans.

He won’t push you to befriend him and he’s fine with giving you your space.

He’s always kind to you and never takes your coldness personally.

If you ever grow close enough to open up to him about your feelings he’ll be happy to listen and comfort you but only as a friend not as an angel.

Luke

Luke takes this very hard and very personally.

He just doesn’t understand how a human could hate angels! And worse trust demons!!

I imagine as a young angel he’s unaware of how angels used to be before he was alive. I doubt he’s been taught about the time when angels used to act as the wrathful hand of god dealing out punishment to unfaithful humans. He only knows of all the good things angels do for humanity, like preforming miracles and watching over them.

When you don’t come around he believes you’re just another wicked human who’s been corrupted by demons.

Simeon will have to have a very serious conversation with him about this.

Solomon

He understands where you’re coming from but he urges you not to hold the teachings of other humans and a book that’s been rewritten countless times against Simeon and Luke.

You don’t have to forgive god and you don’t have to forgive the humans that used god to hurt you but you shouldn’t let that hurt Simeon and Luke who have nothing to do with that.

Befriending them might even be healing.

He’ll also warn you not to blindly trust demons just to spite god. They will take advantage your faith in them.

[shhh-no-ones-home]

heavy cross to bear* matt Murdock x reader

+++++++++ Request @juniebugg: reader and Matt are in a very serious relationship (could be married) but then when reader actually sees Elektra, whom she already knew about but has never seen because she was "dead," she gets really insecure and tells matt that he deserves better or something and he reassures her. Angst and smut"

hopefully its not too ooc this is my first MM smut so i hope you like! and thanks again for the request!!

* - you asked for smut and that really is all this is lol, little bit of story. 

Song: wasted time by skid row

tag list: @cynic-spirit @juniebugg

+++++++++

i sat at the table sipping coffee and thinking. it was almost nine at night and i knew i should be getting ready for bed but my body wasn't quite ready to move yet. when matt disappeared into our bedroom i figured he'd be changing into daredevil for the millionth time but when he emerged in his pajamas i was a little surprised. and then it hit me. maybe he knew. hell, he always knew.

but maybe it was just that something was off, that i needed him to say it again, to stay with me and make sure i knew. but then there was her. she had showed up out of nowhere and took me off guard more than anything else up until now. one more doubt at the forefront of my mind. that i didnt believe him when he said he loved me despite being married for a year, despite having dated for three before hand, and despite everything he has done to keep me safe. because he loved her first and it felt like the biggest lie ive ever been told. even after a couple days of sitting on it and hoping it would go away. still it was there. in the back of my mind:

"matt i dont know if i can do this anymore."

his head tilted to the side and he looked confused.

"do what?"

he asked almost worried, moving slowly to the table and sitting.

"this, us. i just- you deserve so much more, so much better than- well, than me."

he was quick to scoot his chair closer to my own, his hand coming to rest on mine.

"hey, dont even say that. what would make you think i would want anyone but you?"

now he absolutely sounded worried.

"i saw her matt."

"saw who?"

i shook my head.

"that woman, your ex. you said she was gone."

"elektra?"

he sounded a little broken.

"shes something else ill give her that much. i see why you like her."

he swallowed hard.

"elektra is dead."

i shook my head.

"then why was she here? looking for you. saying your name with such... god i dont even know how to explain it. matthew."

i repeated it exactly as she had said it and it felt wrong. like i was acting. saying someone elses emotions and intentions. they were no longer mine. or at least it seemed like it. There was a long silence and I just stared at him.

"She was here?"

There was hope in his voice and I figured that was it. It made me angrier than it probably should've and my only response was to stand and walk away. I got half way across the living room before he caught my arm.

"Y/n, that doesn't matter. I-"

He swallowed hard and I tried to study his face.

"You mean more to me than anything. Yes I love, loved, her but I married you. I chose you. I want nothing more than to be with you. For better or for worse remember?"

He bargained and I sighed heavily.

"How can I be sure you mean that? What if she comes back? again."

He shook his head, taking both my hands in his and stepping closer to me.

"Let me prove it to you. If she really is back then it doesn't matter. I'm with you, I love you, and I'll always chose you."

I closed my eyes, feeling him get closer and closer until his forehead was against my own.

"We belong together."

He whispered before kissing me gently.

"I only want you."

He kept just as quiet, kissing next to my mouth once, then twice, making his way across my cheek and to my jaw.

"Matt."

I breathed out and he paused. I licked my lips lightly before opening my eyes and looking at him. He really did seem like he meant it. He was trying so hard to keep it together.

"I can't lose you."

He sounded so broken.

"Do it."

He drew his brows and I brought my hand up to touch his face gently. We were still so close I could feel his breath fanning my neck.

"Show me you mean it."

I said softly and his Expression changed.

"I love you so much."

He said before kissing me harshly, releasing my hands and pressing his fingertips into my hips. I hummed against him as he walked us backwards. We stumbled along as he pulled my shirt up, tossing it to the floor.

"Matt."

I moaned, pulling his shirt up next. It was gone in a second and he was back, kissing me and moving quickly to get my pants down. His hands roamed my body just as much as mine roamed his. I traced my fingers slowly up his torso, grazing over his scars before wrapping my arms around his neck. I gasped when he picked me up. There was a soft laugh that escaped him and I was relieved to see him smile even if it was just a second. He knew it would take some convincing and he was right. I needed to know he meant it. That Elektra wasn't gonna be a problem.

"I need you."

He whispered again, laying me gently on the bed and situating himself between my legs.

"I need you to know how much I mean it."

He kissed my jaw slowly, then down my neck and across my collar bone.

"Prove it."

I challenged, my breath hitching in my throat as he ripped my bra open from the front, his lips grazing my nipple before taking it into his mouth. He hummed against me, his finger tips down my torso and into my panties.

"Matt."

I moaned, dropping my head back as he ran his finger up me and against my clit. i closed my eyes, pushing my head back into the bed as he stroked me, kissing his way back up to my exposed neck.

"i love you."

he repeated against the heat of my skin. when he resituated i could feel how hard he was already.

"i need you."

i breathed out, pressing my hips up into him as he continued to finger me.

"matt."

i whined, him removing his hand long enough to pull my panties down. i looked up to him with lust blown eyes, watching him intently as he got rid of his boxers.

"youre still okay with this?"

he asked and i nodded quickly, pulling his face to mine and kissing him deeply.

"please."

i moaned, inhaling deeply before he kissed me again, pushing his hips into mine. my breath caught in my throat as he pushed all the way into me, catching my bottom lip between his teeth as my mouth hung open.

"i wanna hear you."

he said softly.

"feel you."

he moaned against my shoulder, dropping his head to the crook of my neck as he placed his large palm over my heart. it was already banging at my rib cage begging to be let out but i could have swore it did when he started moving. he pulled out of me slowly before slamming back into me and i moaned so loudly i was surprised at myself. and then he did it again and again, getting a good rhythm. it was long, and hard. nothing like our nights prior, even on his worst of days when he's frustrated and in need of release. no this was different. purposeful.

"matt."

i held onto him for dear life, pressing my fingertips into his shoulder blades as he continued to pound into me in long drawn out strokes.

"tell me. tell me what you want."

he grunted out, trying to sound as steady as possible.

"i want you. god i only want you!"

i cried out as he thrusted upward harshly. then he did it again and i saw stars, my mouth falling open as i moaned.

"thats my girl."

he praised, trailing his hand down my torso and pressing his finger in circles against my clit.

"youre almost there."

he coaxed, building me up. i could feel the tightness building, pressing my hips up to meet him as he kept his pace.

"im so close."

i panted, pressing my finger tips harder into his bicep as i gripped onto him.

"do it, do it for me, let go."

he said softly and i snapped. my orgasm racked through my body and my vision went blurry. i was breathing hard as he rode out my high, still chasing his own.

"im almost there."

he said, squeezing his eyes shut. he moved to pull out but i wrapped my legs tightly around his waist.

"y/n?"

he asked surprised and i leaned up to kiss him.

"just do it."

i said, pressing a hard kiss to his neck. he kept going, knuckles going white against the bedsheets as he came in me with a loud groan.

"oh my god."

he panted, slowing his thrusts.

"i love you oh my god."

he said, dropping to his forearms, trying not to put his full weight on top of me. my legs were still wrapped tightly around his torso as we both calmed down.

"i love you too matty."

i said softly, feeling him nuzzle his nose against my neck. it made me giggle a little bit and i could feel him smiling against my skin before kissing it gently.

"you have no idea how relieved i am to hear that. youre the only one for me. always will be."

i sighed softly in content, kissing his forehead and dropping my legs.

"im sorry i doubted you. i just. i need a reminder every once in a while i guess."

he kissed my chest before pulling out of me and dropping to the bed beside me.

"i will give you as many reminders as you need, as long as we both shall live."

he said, taking my hand in his and kissing the back of it.

"thank you matt. thank you for everything. especially knocking some sense into me."

he raised a brow, a half smirk on his face and i immediately wondered what was going through that mind of his.

"after tonight sense might not be the only thing i knocked into you."

i couldnt help but laugh, him matching it as i rolled onto his chest.

"i know you want nothing more than to tell the father we're finally starting that catholic family with lots and lots of beautiful babies but i still have my iud."

he let out a short laugh sigh before i kissed him quickly.

"but that doesnt mean i couldnt be persuaded into getting it taken out."

he raised an intrigued brow.

"oh?"

i laughed lightly.

"ill think about it. right now i just wanna live in this moment with you."

i said the last bit through a yawn, resting my head against his chest and hearing his heartbeat.

"i love you."

he whispered, earning a hum from me as i dozed off.

[crazymisscarly]

Apparently someone (hi there how’s it going bro) is confused about my Bughead kids fanfic.

I should just ignore this, but as a student teacher I was startled by their assertion that a teacher who creates pornography would be given a free pass and allowed to keep teaching. This is simply not true. Teachers have lost their accreditation because their teen students found their porn videos from their college days that they were involved in to PAY for their University education (no offence USA but your expensive college degrees suck. Let’s go HECS). And if you are a teacher with a secret OnlyFans account, you may as well hand your degree back because no school is going to A) hire you or B) risk their own reputation to keep you on their staff after the students find out. If you don’t ERASE that stuff from the internet, then your teaching career is a ticking time bomb that will explode as soon as one of your students sees you in a pornographic film.

To be clear, I don’t necessarily agree with this. If a teacher was a porn star in their past, that has absolutely nothing to do with their abilities as a teacher a decade later. Seeing news reports about these situations honestly breaks my heart for the teacher - especially when said pornographic content is the result of a revenge porn attack from an abusive ex. However, I recognise WHY there are strict rules against teachers and their involvement in anything that even RESEMBLES a racy photograph, and that right there is what inspired my most recent chapter.

Jughead, as a writer of erotic novels, could very easily lose his teaching job in the real world. As a FAMOUS author, the media would latch onto his apparent disgrace in a heartbeat - which is exactly what happens in that chapter. His name being associated with an R rated adult film would be exactly the kind of thing that could drag his name through the mud. Does he deserve it? Of course not. He wrote that book for his adult audience, not his high school students. But, when you delve deeper into child safety laws (and the ones in Australia are quite similar to the ones in the USA) it’s abundantly clear that a teacher getting involved in the production of a pornographic film would absolutely risk losing their teaching position. And once that happens, there’s no way that teacher could “just get another job” - not even Jughead Jones. Schools don’t want to employ teachers who’ve had their morals called into question, especially not so publicly. If the school managed to keep a scandal like this private and let him resign quietly, he would have had the chance to escape to another state and hope his next group of students never find out he writes erotic novels, or that one of them was turned into a movie. But, the media doesn’t work like that, and social media is not very forgiving.

In fact, looking back on my own high school days (I went to an all girls Catholic school) I remember one of the librarians published her erotic lesbian short stories online. Someone in our writers club (which the librarian founded and led for years) found her stories and shared them around. I don’t believe anyone in our club ever exposed her… but the librarian moved on to another job at the end of that year. As an adult with the benefit of hindsight, I wonder whether somebody informed our principal about her erotic fiction and she was asked to leave, because the librarian was a great teacher who was passionate about guiding young writers and gave up her own lunch breaks to help us develop our skills. I miss that woman, and if I’d known that was why she left I would have been doing exactly what the Riverdale High students did for Jughead in my fanfic and staged a formal protest.

I could go on… but I’m sure you all get my point.