#ex best friend posted on instagram with her reading from january and its an interesting combination of

[cogentranting]

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[lettersfrome]

let’s meet pos! || may 14, 2021

to begin the shit show that is my life, i should probably introduce you to the lovely person that is my ex-boyfriend. i don’t want to put anyone on blast, so we’ll be using character names up in this bitch.

let’s call him luke.

i’m convinced that lovely ol’ luke is my soulmate, because there’s no way in hell my stubborn leo sun would still like him if he wasn’t. when i’m telling you this kid has caused me serious mental problems, i mean it. we had known each other for about three years before we met in person and guess what happened within those three years? he went through two girlfriends and happily flirted with me. not to mention, got nudes from me every night while dating the second girl. i’ve got to admit, maybe not the best thing to do on my part. but hey, i can’t take it back now. i was eighteen, and i wanted attention from the guy i liked.

he eventually moved to los angeles, where things heated up really quickly. i’m sure i’m forgetting a million little details, but here’s a summarized breakdown of what happened:

may 2018 - met in person for the first time

june 2018 - he came to my hotel room and we canoodled a little bit

july 2018 - he got with another girl, i stopped responding to him, he told me he didn’t even like her and that he missed me two weeks later

august 2018 - moved to la, i lost my virginity to him the day after i turned 19

we started hanging out and hooking up regularly but never made it official because he didn’t want to, he would be on tinder while hooking up with me

early january 2019 - he ended things with me because he no longer had feelings for me, even though he fucked me the last week of 2018

march 2019 - he comes back and apologizes to me, tells me that he’s ready to date when i am because he still has feelings for me and that he was just too depressed to even think about being with someone

april 2019 - we start dating

we���re happy for the most part

october 2019 - we break up because i ask him to stay in bed with me for another 5 minutes, he refuses, i go home and throw a tantrum and tell him i want to take a break, he agrees, i regret it, he doesn’t, we break up

december 2019 - he comes back again because he misses me and we get back together

march 2020 - we break up because i ask him to go to my friend lauren’s birthday party with me but he decides to stay at home with his best friend since he feels like he doesn’t have enough time to see his friends because he has a girlfriend

march 2020 - he comes back like 20 days later because he says that he just can’t stop thinking about me and there’s no one else he wants to be with and he kept asking for signs and got them

i refuse to get back with him because i can’t trust him, his friend (we’ll call this buddy aaron) tries to convince me to get back together and i almost do, but then aaron tells me that luke lied about a girl asking him out so i don’t

i now decide that i need to try and be single (willingly) to see if there’s anyone i like more than luke. while doing so, i still continue to see luke and i occasionally kiss him here and there. i tell him that i never wanna get back together with him, and that he should move on all while still kissing him and telling him that i love him and will probably marry him.

august 2020 - i start talking to sebastian who i had previously talked to in july 2018. he’s practically an off-brand luke, but he’s glo-ed up a little bit since. he’s a cute guy, just not tall enough and a bit too shy for me.

luke doesn’t like me talking to another guy, and gets his feelings hurt. i stop seeing luke in person because i realize i keep hooking up with him. i tell him to move on, he says no.

october 2020 - i meet sebastian in person, we go see a movie together and he barely makes a move. kind of disappointing but i do really like him. i liked that it was new, i get sort of tired of luke and barely have the motivation to respond to him at times. i know deep down that i still love him and want him, but i still want to get with sebastian. little do i know, luke meets someone at his work and slowly starts spending more time with her (let’s call her sunday). he doesn’t share a bunch of details about her, but i know him well enough to tell that he’s interested in her.

december 2020 - i have a huge mental breakdown and show up to luke’s house that is two hours away and cry the entire time about how much i love him and want him back. he says yes but wants to get back together right away. i disagree because i think we should take it slow. i need to end things with sebastian, who i had been slowly friendzoning for a while. i thought he should end things with sunday, because he had told her he liked her to which she responded telling him she felt the same.

january 2021 - new years happens and she asks him to hang out. he says no, but sees her the next day. i get upset when he doesn’t set a boundary, because he kept forcing me to set one with seb. we fight and decide we need space. we don’t talk for a week - he hangs out with her and kisses her. i call him and tell him i don’t want space. he disagrees and says he’s confused and thinks it’s good for us. luke refuses to see me in person.

we stay friends, and talk the same amount that we used to. i can tell it’s not the same. he starts spending more time with her. she meets his mom. luke and i send nudes nearly everyday, he still continues to flirt with me and tell me that he loves me. he tells me that he is still debating on what he should do, whether to pursue her or to get back with me. i get upset because i feel as though he’s having his cake and eating it too. seb tells me that he wants space to get over me so he can be my friend. i tell luke that he needs to pick between sunday and i. if he doesn’t see me in person in two weeks, i was done.

he doesn’t see me.

february 2021 - we’re not speaking. he goes out with her on valentine’s day, which he told me he hated. i keep the snapchat streak going, but its pretty much just blank screens from him. i occasionally ask him how he’s doing, to which he doesn’t ask me how i’m doing. one time he even leaves me on read as i try talking to him.

march 2021 - i killed the snapchat streak. he had really upset me one day when i had good intentions, and i just gave up on him.

april 2021 - i remove him off my private snapchat story and my private instagram. i keep him on my instagram close friends, just in case. almost as if i “forgot to remove him.”

and now, in may 2021, we haven’t talked at all since. he still has my nudes saved on snapchat. he still has our playlists saved. he still follows me on instagram, twitter, facebook, and snapchat. i can see sunday commenting and liking his posts, which kind of breaks my heart a little. i’m very used to him and i breaking up and making up that this almost feels fake. i guess we’ll see what happens, and whether or not he comes back.

[eeeeturrd]

an introduction to pos | may 6, 2021

to begin the shit show that is my life, i should probably introduce you to the lovely person that is my ex-boyfriend. i don't want to put anyone on blast, so we'll be using character names up in this bitch.

let's call him luke.

i'm convinced that lovely ol' luke is my soulmate, because there's no way in hell my stubborn leo sun would still like him if he wasn't. when i'm telling you this kid has caused me serious mental problems, i mean it. we had known each other for about three years before we met in person and guess what happened within those three years? he went through two girlfriends and happily flirted with me. not to mention, got nudes from me every night while dating the second girl. i've got to admit, maybe not the best thing to do on my part. but hey, i can't take it back now. i was eighteen, and i wanted attention from the guy i liked.

he eventually moved to los angeles, where things heated up really quickly. so, here's a breakdown of what happened:

may 2018 - met in person for the first time

june 2018 - he came to my hotel room and we canoodled a little bit

july 2018 - he got with another girl, i stopped responding to him, he told me he didn't even like her and that he missed me two weeks later

august 2018 - moved to la, i lost my virginity to him the day after i turned 19

we started hanging out and hooking up regularly but never made it official because he didn't want to, he would be on tinder while hooking up with me

early january 2019 - he ended things with me because he no longer had feelings for me, even though he fucked me the last week of 2018

march 2019 - he comes back and apologizes to me, tells me that he's ready to date when i am because he still has feelings for me and that he was just too depressed to even think about being with someone

april 2019 - we start dating

we're happy for the most part

october 2019 - we break up because i ask him to stay in bed with me for another 5 minutes, he refuses, i go home and throw a tantrum and tell him i want to take a break, he agrees, i regret it, he doesn't, we break up

december 2019 - he comes back again because he misses me and we get back together

march 2020 - we break up because i ask him to go to a birthday party with me but he decides to stay at home with his best friend since he feels like he doesn't have enough time to see his friends because he has a girlfriend

march 2020 - he comes back like 20 days later because he says that he just can't stop thinking about me and there's no one else he wants to be with and he kept asking for signs and got them

i refuse to get back with him because i can't trust him, his friend (we'll call this buddy aaron) tries to convince me to get back together and i almost do, but then aaron tells me that luke lied about a girl asking him out so i don't

i now decide that i need to try and be single (willingly) to see if there's anyone i like more than luke. while doing so, i still continue to see luke and i occasionally kiss him here and there. i tell him that i never wanna get back together with him, and that he should move on all while still kissing him and telling him that i love him and will probably marry him.

august 2020 - i start talking to "sebastian" who i had previously talked to in july 2018. he's practically an off-brand luke, but he's glo-ed up a little bit since. he's a cute guy, just not tall enough and a bit too shy for me.

luke doesn't like me talking to another guy, and gets his feelings hurt. i stop seeing luke in person because i realize i keep hooking up with him. i tell him to move on, he says no.

october 2020 - i meet sebastian in person, we go see a movie together and he barely makes a move. kind of disappointing but i do really like him. i liked that it was new, i get sort of tired of luke and barely have the motivation to respond to him at times. i know deep down that i still love him and want him, but i still want to get with sebastian. little do i know, luke meets someone at his work and slowly starts spending more time with her (let's call her sunday). he doesn't share a bunch of details about her, but i know him well enough to tell that he's interested in her.

december 2020 - i have a huge mental breakdown and show up to luke's house that is two hours away and cry the entire time about how much i love him and want him back. he says yes but wants to get back together right away. i disagree because i think we should take it slow. i need to end things with sebastian, who i had been slowly friendzoning for a while. i thought he should end things with sunday, because he had told her he liked her to which she responded telling him she felt the same.

january 2021 - new years happens and she asks him to hang out. he says no, but sees her the next day. i get upset when he doesn't set a boundary, because he kept forcing me to set one with seb. we fight and decide we need space. we don't talk for a week - he hangs out with her and kisses her. i call him and tell him i don't want space. he disagrees and says he's confused and thinks it's good for us. luke refuses to see me in person.

we stay friends, and talk the same amount that we used to. i can tell it's not the same. he starts spending more time with her. she meets his mom. luke and i send nudes nearly everyday, he still continues to flirt with me and tell me that he loves me. he tells me that he is still debating on what he should do, whether to pursue her or to get back with me. i get upset because i feel as though he's having his cake and eating it too. seb tells me that he wants space to get over me so he can be my friend. i tell luke that he needs to pick between sunday and i. if he doesn't see me in person in two weeks, i was done.

he doesn't see me.

february 2021 - we're not speaking. he goes out with her on valentine's day, which he told me he hated. i keep the snapchat streak going, but its pretty much just blank screens from him. i occasionally ask him how he's doing, to which he doesn't ask me how i'm doing. one time he even leaves me on read as i try talking to him.

march 2021 - i killed the snapchat streak. he had really upset me one day when i had good intentions, and i just gave up on him.

april 2021 - i remove him off my private snapchat story and my private instagram. i keep him on my instagram close friends, just in case. almost as if i "forgot to remove him."

and now, in may 2021, we haven't talked at all since. he still has my nudes saved on snapchat. he still has our playlists saved. he still follows me on instagram, twitter, spotify, facebook, and snapchat. i can see sunday commenting and liking his posts, which kind of breaks my heart a little. i guess we'll see what happens.

[eno-o-ugh]

Questions to ask for 2020

Dear E,

HelloOoOo, its been awhile i havent do any posting here. So, just few days ago i found this set of interesting questions to ask for 2019 & 2020 but it actually quite drives me to think more towards 2020. I wanted to put it here just for fun or for my own reading in near future. Kaja! 🤩😎😏

What was one of the moments you were most proud of this year? What does that tell you about what you want to spend your energy/time/money on next year?

One of the moments is where i find myself struggling with my issue and heartbreak, but i still manage to give myself away as much as i can for people around me without mentioning about the war inside of me. Tbh, i never regret it. I still wanna be able to pour out my energy and time for people who need it because somehow it helps me too.

When were you genuinely surprised this last year?

Im genuinely surprised when Farah got engaged early January and decides to get married after raya. Because by that time i realized something which is, “This is it! Im at that phase of my life where everyone at my age will start to carry huge different commitments/responsible in their lives. And i will too” But then, one by one of my friends got engaged/married and im no longer surprised hahhaha.  

What was your best failure this year? (i.e. what thing that didn’t go well eventually taught you something critical?)

I can say that my best failure is when i dont meet their expectations of me. Like when they thought i would feel sad/pity for some issues but i didnt. Like when they thought of how my mind works/thinks in certain way but its not. No one can actually explain my thoughts/actions well. I wanted to say that they always misunderstood me, but i end up saying nothing to them and let it be. Because it is a waste of time to ever explain myself.    

What was your most overrated success? (i.e. something you thought would feel great that was sort of a let down?)

Most overrated success is when i first rent a room and live on my own. Ya, its most overrated because everyone else did it better than me and earlier than me lol. 

Who really enriched your life this year in a big way? Who is someone you want to get to know better in the year ahead?

Person who really enriched my life last year is Fatna. I can literally talk about anything with her. Good or bad. Happy or sad. Anger or disappointment. Excited or confused. Health or wealth. In seriousness or trivial. Like you can name it, anything. All of the words that come from her always knocked me to reality, gave me something to ponder upon and so solid to be ignored just like that. And for that, im so grateful to have her last year. Someone that i want to get to know better is the one that has strong soul to overcome anything on their freaking own. 

What community are you a part of right now that you find most nourishing? What kind of community are you craving?

Im in a community where everyone is struggling/surviving/working to support their lives. Some even did part time jobs to gain side income. Its probably because they have certain goals set to be achieved. Maybe to get married or they will have children or maybe just simply to support their luxury lifestyle. Its not that nourishing, but some sort of intriguing perhaps. I cant wait to be in a community that always giving/lifting/sharing with others. But right now, i understood when everyone need to be selfish and put themselves first. I hope later on everyone will come to realization that there is no use to be selfish.  

What goals—personal or professional—are you releasing in 2020?

Personal; To increase knowledge and understanding of Islam and practicing it better. Professional; To make a change in my job/add something new. 

Who did you feel most jealous of this year? What is that person up to that you want to bring more of into your own life?

On instagram, i started following artist (women) that already fully cover their aurat and have family of their own. I guess im jealous of them. Being able to be a better muslimah which is better than their previous self, a devoted wife and mother. I guess im longing for that feeling to be one of them. I’ll try my best, to practice goodness in my inner self first.   

Where and with whom were you most resentful in 2019? How can you get straight about your own needs and articulate them so you can stop feeling that shit in 2020?

Tbh, ive already make peace with it and try to forget it. But in this case, it just the matter of answering this question okie? I felt most resentful with my friends whom befriend my ex and also befriend my ex’s new girlfriend. Because they all knew it all along but no one, not even a single one of them be upfront with me and tell the truth about it. Everything just sort of unfolds by itself. Better yet, they really showed me who they truly are. It makes me wonder, whats the use of having friends who wouldnt dare to tell me the truth that i need? The way how to stop feeling that shit is to be neutral with them. Im not going to be so close yet not so distant with them anymore. I knew the boundaries better these days.   

What piece of art, movie, or book really inspired you this year?

Art; . Music; Stone // Alessia Cara. Movie; Toy Story 4. Book; The Art of Letting God

What conversation was most memorable in 2019? What made it stick with you so powerfully?

Every deep conversation that i had with my girls (Sheera, Farah, Fatna, Zatie, Zila, Aida) are so so memorable and powerful. Every. Single. One. It could be because im at my lowest of low and i took every word from them personally. I couldnt thank them enough for always listening to my rants and always try their hardest to come up with something to say when its already good enough for them to hear me out. 

If you had to articulate a mantra for 2020, what would it be?

Whatever that had happen and will happen, youve got yourself and Allah all along for better or worse.

When were you most physically joyful in 2019? How can you get there more in 2020?

I find myself physically joyful when it all in balance. Like the amount of time spent with family/friends are equal with time spent alone. I personally like that part of my life so muchhh. I guess by knowing what worth my time is how i’ll get more joy and satisfaction in 2020.

What is one question that you found yourself asking over and over again this year? What version of an answer are you living your way into?

Tbh, theres a lot of open ended questions. But none of it is repeated. I always try my hardest to control my thoughts and its not easy, i swear. But its something i need to keep doing to prevent myself from overthinking/overanalyzing every single thing especially when i know im that type of person. I have only one chance of life, and i know im not going to let myself imagine the variety versions of how my life could be. So, im just keep doing and keep going. Nothing else.   

What was the most sacred experience you had in the last decade?

Many. I could cry if i need to tell all of the story. But one of it is when i joined Farah for the usrah session at her in-law’s. During that time, i felt at utmost peace and calm being surrounded by so much purer and beautiful souls. I feel so small. I can feel my heart being the softest its ever been. I always almost cry when they read the hadith/quran translation/during halaqah/during tazkirah. I pray i get to experience it a lot more this year and spend my tears for matter like these.   

What makes you despair and what gives you hope right now?

People. Theres different type of people with different kind of character. And i will never know what their intentions in my life are whether its bad or good. But bad people will always make me despair and good people will keep on give me hope.  

[socialattractionuk]

Essential tips for online dating in lockdown (and the pandemic dating trends to watch out for)

Embrace the joy of getting to know each other from a distance (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Being single and actively looking for love in lockdown is strange… mostly because you can’t actually leave the house and meet anyone.

Physical intimacy isn’t a possibility (unless you smooch your housemates), but you can still date amid the coronavirus pandemic – just go to your usual online dating spots and build up the chat until you can meet IRL.

This new normal comes with its own hurdles. There are new dating trends to look out for, new challenges to overcome, and all the emotions of living in a crisis will have an impact.

We chatted to Rachael Lloyd, the relationship expert at eharmony, to get her wisdom on how to navigate these new choppy waters of dating in a pandemic.

Here are her essential tips.

Get creative

No, you can’t just go for after-work drinks or do dinner and a film.

But you can still do proper dates – just think outside the box.

‘Virtual dates don’t have to be boring,’ says Rachael. ‘Use technology to visit a virtual gallery, join a virtual book club or simply watch your favourite Netflix flick together.

‘These activities will be a good barometer for compatibility further down the line and give you the chance to show off a bit of personality ahead of meeting IRL.’

We’ve written a handy guide to a great video date, so do read that before booking in that FaceTime sesh.

Beware the pandem-ex

Rachael says: ‘One in five Brits (21%) have been contacted so far by a former love, a pandem-ex, during lockdown – but it’s best to resist temptation and see the approach for what it is.

‘There’s often a valid reason relationships break up, from a fundamental lack of compatibility to shifting priorities or betrayal.

‘So, if an ex comes virtually knocking stay true to yourself first.’

Video calls are a must (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Embrace being able to get to know each other

Don’t think too much about what you’re missing out on (physical touch). Instead, embrace one of the benefits of dating in lockdown: you pretty much have to get to know each other on a deeper level before you get swept up in snogging each other’s faces of.

Schedule in some proper chat sessions (eharmony has a new video dating function for exactly this, but you could also use Zoom, FaceTime, HouseParty, or even the humble phone call) where you can talk for an hour or more.

Enjoy that oldschool thrill of flirty messages and talking all night. It’s kind of lovely to just talk.

‘While conversation should flow if you have chemistry, don’t be afraid to plan a few conversation topics in advance,’ Rachael recommends. ‘Not only will this help you avoid any awkward silences but allow you to find out exactly what you would like to know about a potential new match.’

Remember it’s okay to be single

If you’re not in the mood to date, don’t force it. Lockdown can be the perfect opportunity for solo time.

Rachael says: ‘Bear in mind being in a relationship isn’t the be all and end all and just because you have extra time on your hands, doesn’t mean you need to be having four virtual dates a night.

‘Instead, a bit of self-reflection may well make you realise that you have been chasing the wrong people, or could actually do with a bit of time on your own.

‘Take things at your own pace and trust your instincts.’

Ditch comparison

You know full well that comparison is the thief of joy, but the temptation to measure your experience up against others’ highlights on social media is even stronger in lockdown.

Remember that for every cutesy date night you see on Instagram, there’s an argument borne out of desperately needing some space from a significant other.

‘Don’t beat yourself up because you see friends or family in happy relationships,’ says Rachael. ‘This will only give rise to more feelings of pressure and dent your confidence.

‘The pandemic has impacted relationships too; couples who have only recently just met have had to move in together with no prior warning and many established couples are getting cabin fever.’

Dating terms and trends, defined

Blue-stalling: When two people are dating and acting like a couple, but one person in the partnership states they're unready for any sort of label or commitment (despite acting in a different manner).

Breadcrumbing: Leaving ‘breadcrumbs’ of interest – random noncommittal messages and notifications that seem to lead on forever, but don’t actually end up taking you anywhere worthwhile Breadcrumbing is all about piquing someone’s interest without the payoff of a date or a relationship.

Caspering: Being a friendly ghost - meaning yes, you ghost, but you offer an explanation beforehand. Caspering is all about being a nice human being with common decency. A novel idea.

Catfish: Someone who uses a fake identity to lure dates online.

Clearing: Clearing season happens in January. It’s when we’re so miserable thanks to Christmas being over, the cold weather, and general seasonal dreariness, that we will hook up with anyone just so we don’t feel completely unattractive. You might bang an ex, or give that creepy guy who you don’t really fancy a chance, or put up with truly awful sex just so you can feel human touch. It’s a tough time. Stay strong.

Cloutlighting: Cloutlighting is the combo of gaslighting and chasing social media clout. Someone will bait the person they’re dating on camera with the intention of getting them upset or angry, or making them look stupid, then share the video for everyone to laugh at.

Cockfishing: Also known as catcocking. When someone sending dick pics uses photo editing software or other methods to change the look of their penis, usually making it look bigger than it really is.

Cuffing season: The chilly autumn and winter months when you are struck by a desire to be coupled up, or cuffed.

Firedooring: Being firedoored is when the access is entirely on one side, so you're always waiting for them to call or text and your efforts are shot down.

Fishing: When someone will send out messages to a bunch of people to see who’d be interested in hooking up, wait to see who responds, then take their pick of who they want to get with. It’s called fishing because the fisher loads up on bait, waits for one fish to bite, then ignores all the others.

Flashpanner: Someone who’s addicted to that warm, fuzzy, and exciting start bit of a relationship, but can’t handle the hard bits that might come after – such as having to make a firm commitment, or meeting their parents, or posting an Instagram photo with them captioned as ‘this one’.

Freckling: Freckling is when someone pops into your dating life when the weather’s nice… and then vanishes once it’s a little chillier.

Gatsbying: To post a video, picture or selfie to public social media purely for a love interest to see it.

Ghosting: Cutting off all communication without explanation.

Grande-ing: Being grateful, rather than resentful, for your exes, just like Ariana Grande.

Hatfishing: When someone who looks better when wearing a hat has pics on their dating profile that exclusively show them wearing hats.

Kittenfishing: Using images that are of you, but are flattering to a point that it might be deceptive. So using really old or heavily edited photos, for example. Kittenfishes can also wildly exaggerate their height, age, interests, or accomplishments.

Lovebombing: Showering someone with attention, gifts, gestures of affection, and promises for your future relationship, only to distract them from your not-so-great bits. In extreme cases this can form the basis for an abusive relationship.

Microcheating: Cheating without physically crossing the line. So stuff like emotional cheating, sexting, confiding in someone other than your partner, that sort of thing.

Mountaineering: Reaching for people who might be out of your league, or reaching for the absolute top of the mountain.

Obligaswiping: The act of endlessly swiping on dating apps and flirt-chatting away with no legitimate intention of meeting up, so you can tell yourself you're doing *something* to put yourself out there.

Orbiting: The act of watching someone's Instagram stories or liking their tweets or generally staying in their 'orbit' after a breakup.

Paperclipping: When someone sporadically pops up to remind you of their existence, to prevent you from ever fully moving on.

Preating: Pre-cheating - laying the groundwork and putting out feelers for cheating, by sending flirty messages or getting closer to a work crush.

Prowling: Going hot and cold when it comes to expressing romantic interest.

R-bombing: Not responding to your messages but reading them all, so you see the 'delivered' and 'read' signs and feel like throwing your phone across the room.

Scroogeing: Dumping someone right before Christmas so you don't have to buy them a present.

Shadowing: Posing with a hot friend in all your dating app photos, knowing people will assume you're the attractive one and will be too polite to ask.

Shaveducking: Feeling deeply confused over whether you're really attracted to a person or if they just have great facial hair.

Sneating:When you go on dates just for a free meal.

Stashing: The act of hiding someone you're dating from your friends, family, and social media.

Submarineing: When someone ghosts, then suddenly returns and acts like nothing happened.

V-lationshipping:When someone you used to date reappears just around Valentine's Day, usually out of loneliness and desperation.

You-turning: Falling head over heels for someone, only to suddenly change your mind and dip.

Zombieing: Ghosting then returning from the dead. Different from submarineing because at least a zombie will acknowledge their distance.

  Do you have a story of love in lockdown? Get in touch to share it by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

Share your views in the comments section below.

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