#evident in Season 2 anyway) it still stinks.

[waterberry-strawmelon]

WAS ANYONE GONNA TELL ME THE HEX GIRLS ARE IN MYSTERY INCORPORATED OR—

[melbatron5000]

Glad you enjoyed it, even if I haven't convinced you!

As for why reality is off -- part of it is the POV changes the happen mid-scene from character to character. PART of it. IMHO.

Did you ever watch the X-Files? There's an episode where Mulder (a full-on alien-believing FBI investigator) and his partner, Scully (a hardcore skeptic) investigate a possible UFO landing. The story is told after the fact by first Mulder, then a basement-dwelling teen who witnessed the landing, then finally by Scully.

The events change dramatically with each telling. From Mulder's perspective, the whole event is hinky and stinks. There are people being suspicious, evidence missing, etc.

From the kid's perspective, Mulder is possibly an alien himself, everyone is acting really weird, the UFO was VERY CLEARLY exactly that, he gets harassed by men in black that no one else sees.

From Scully's perspective, it was definitely a military drone, the people handling it were doing a good job protecting military secrets from being stolen and were not being suspicious about what they were doing or why, and the whole thing was very clear-cut and ordinary.

The audience is left with no clear picture of what happened. It's a fun episode, and nicely demonstrates the problem of eye witnesses and why UFOs are still a giant question mark.

I think that's what's going on with season 2 of Good Omens. We're seeing things from all the characters' perspectives, but we're head-hopping mid-scene, and have no clear idea whose eyes we're seeing through. Humans who have no idea what they're seeing? Aziraphale who believes in good? Crowley who is jaded? A second, secret Crowley only confuses that issue even more. How does Crowley 2.0's opinion on things differ from Crowley 1.0?

Anyway, that's my thought, and I certainly haven't ever been wrong before LOL! Thanks for letting me yak at you about my obsession!

Two Crowleys

A while ago, the wonderful mind of @noneorother posted this meta about the puppets in the magic shop.

The observation that there appear to be two Crowleys in the shot of the puppet arrangement had me absolutely scratching my head and thinking they must be mistaken somehow.

(pic from @noneorother)

But then I got my hands on some of the Amazon X-ray extras, and discovered these little gems from the album covers in Maggie's record shop:

Now, going back to our color-coding for a moment, we may not know what all the colors in Good Omens mean, and we may not have all the colors down. But we do know a few, and we know that color-coding in Good Omens does exist, and that it matters.

Auburn and vavoom yellow are Crowley's colors. They are the colors of his hair and eyes. Black and scarlet red are the colors he wears. So those four colors are Crowley-coded colors. Okay.

Thus, these two record albums from Maggie's shop are Crowley-colored. Now, notice something important? Well, two things. The first -- Raga Koboj has TWO little sharp-clawed critters peering out at us from behind blinds. I daresay they are meant to be little cartoon demons, yes? And CT Bazz: Dank Balaclava features a face in a red ski mask. People usually wear ski masks if A. it's cold as tits outside, or B. if they're trying to hide their identity. So both albums feature Crowley colors AND images of hiding -- plus one features an image of twinsies.

The other important thing takes us back to color-coding. What other color do we see here besides our well-known Crowley colors? On Raga Koboj, the auburn and vavoom yellow blend into each other -- creating orange between them. And Dank Balaclava features a cigarette being lit -- with a little flair of orange fire.

This leads me to believe two things: Yes, TWO Crowleys. One Crowley in hiding, the other a twin. And that orange is Crowley's secret color.

Where else do we see orange?

Yep, the pillars n Aziraphale's shop. Which we also know is painted Crowley Auburn on the outside and Vavoom Yellow on the inside. With accents of this nice saffron orange on the pillars.

Want more proof? Okay.

Several people have noted that Aziraphale and Crowley keep to each other's right and left, respectively. Aziraphale on the right, Crowley on the left. In season 1, whenever they are on the opposite sides of each other, something's up. Not wrong, necessarily, but not in proper order. As in the image-swap/body-swap. Several people have also noted that Crowley is on Aziraphale's right far more frequently in season 2. And look here:

Aziraphale looks instinctively to his left when Crowley approaches -- only this Crowley, the twin, is not approaching on Aziraphale's left. This happens in more than one scene.

And when Aziraphale introduces Crowley to Nina in the coffee shop in episode one, he says, "This is, um, Crowley." As if he's quickly deciding how to name this individual who looks like his demon but approached on his right. Aziraphale "ums" and hesitates a lot this season, but he's also lying a lot. Hesitation and "um" is one of his tells.

I believe Aziraphale knows this isn't Crowley 1.0. But he acts and talks to this Crowley as if it's Crowley 1.0, so I don't think it's an imposter or someone pretending to be Crowley who isn't. I think Crowley's split himself in two. Am I sure about that? No. But it's where I'm leaning at this moment.

But Crowley 1.0 isn't missing entirely. Look here:

Aziraphale is looking over his left shoulder for his demon, and Crowley's right there, where he should be.

So yeah, TWO Crowleys.

Now where the heck is Crowley while his twin is out walking around on Aziraphale's right side? I really don't know what he might be up to, but I think he's in contact. Reachable, at least.

Let's look at this one again. Who's this?

No, not the guy in the foreground. The guy in the back. No, not the dude wearing tartan, the other guy. The guy in front of the ORANGE pillar, the guy on Crowley-twin's LEFT shoulder.

Is that Crowley 1.0? Or at least, a way for Crowley to be in touch while he's off doing whatever the heck he's doing? I think it is.

Would you like some more proof?

Okay. How about another record album from Maggie's shop?

Back to color-coding again. That baby-blue/red combo seems to indicate Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship together. The baby-blue is the color of Aziraphale's shirt, while the red is one that Crowley wears, mostly around his neck, although it also appears elsewhere in his costuming.

Au Revoir, Fingers! Crowley's just a head now. But a head has ears and eyes, so Aziraphale can communicate with it. As I suspect he tries to here, before Jim interrupts:

But wait. Back to Au Revoir Fingers for a moment. Red Eye Smile?

And red eyes? Fuck me.

A very few people have pointed out that there are lots of dual red taillights in multiple shots, frequently framed rather carefully. I had dismissed it, as I usually do when something turns out to be freaking important.

Someone's watching. I think it might be Crowley 1.0.

Then there's that bit where he's driving back to Whickber street, after coming back from Hell, and he first zooms around a bus with red taillights and says, "There's only room for one of us in this lane and it's not you," then he changes a pair of red stop lights to green and says "Don't you even think about it. There, that's better." Is he arguing with himself?? Telling the Other Crowley that it's his turn right now, not his? Of course I can't find a GIF or picture of that right now, but you know what I mean, right? Neil had to cut a bunch of material out of the finished show to fit Amazon's time limit requirements. That scene would seem to be an easy cut to make -- unless the scene matters to the overall plot too much to cut.

I also suspect that Crowley might be talking to himself in the book shop at the end of season 2. You know, when he turns Aziraphale's chair around to face the right way, but when Maggie and Nina come in it's facing the center of the room again? I suspect Crowley 1.0 and 2.0 had a chat. I do not know about what. Just sharing information?

I also wonder if Crowley 2.0 might have his own POV scenes -- thus confusing the already complicated POV situation even more. The white head statue sure gets several shots where it's in center frame, as if it is the POV character in that scene.

That's what I got, my fellow brain rotters. There's my evidence.

In conclusion: Two Crowleys. Yeah, I think so. Now, for the big question:

WHY???

What is Crowley doing that there needs to be two of him? And is it just twinsies, or is that someone else pretending to be Crowley and I'm wrong? Aziraphale definitely seems to know that's NOT his original Crowley, but tells the demon important information without hesitation, so I'm still suspecting Crowley twinned himself. But what if I'm wrong? Who is it then? And why are they pretending to be Crowley? And why does Aziraphale seem to know it's not Crowley, but still talk to him like it is?

I have no answers.

Thanks for crackpotting and going nuts with me, yet again. I hope this keeps you up at night like it's done me.

[dreamingofscully]

6x12. “One Son” (part 2 of 2) - X-Files Rewatch

“Mulder, this stinks, and not just because I think that woman is a... well, I think you know what I think that woman is.” - Scully “No. Actually, you hide your feelings very well.” - Mulder

I found a few things really strange about this episode, so get ready for a deep dive into speculation in order to explain them! (*grumble* stupid mythology episodes)

Also, I apologize (#sorrynotsorry) for my use of caps-lock/bold on this post. I feel very emotional about a lot of things. That doesn’t make this series of episodes good, though, it just makes me have to WORK.

Long LONG post/analysis.

Decon shower. 😲

This joint decon shower is meant to humiliate Scully, to make her feel vulnerable and out-of-sorts. It kinda works. If I didn’t already hate Diana I’d definitely want to murder her after what she does here. 

Scully can’t see much, but Mulder sees quite a bit. It doesn’t really matter that Mulder is there. She trusts him absolutely. It’s her AUTONOMY about it that gets to her, and her suspicions about Diana’s motives. 

With this episode being on the cusp in a change in their relationship, this whole thing is awkward. If they merely felt like friends towards one another, they could laugh it off, but their intense feelings add an extra layer of vulnerability for the both of them (but especially Scully because she is more exposed than Mulder, and he doesn’t particularly care about nudity). You notice the rest of the episode she’s wearing stuff that has more coverage - a turtleneck when she confronts Mulder about Diana, a high-necked shirt in the office with Kersh. She’s definitely feeling more vulnerable.  😕

When Diana comes in - Scully is PISSED. The whole decon procedure is SUSPICIOUS AS FUCK and Scully knows it. 

If they were really concerned about them having contracted some suspicious organism they’d be in quarantine instead of interacting normally with Diana and the other people in the room. You’d need time to test to make sure Mulder and Scully didn’t have whatever organism that Diana claims Cassandra was infected with. Even if you couldn’t test for it, because it was unknown, you’d ISOLATE Mulder and Scully for at least a few weeks.

The ONLY REASON to do all this bullshit is to separate Cassandra. That Mulder can’t see this, won’t take Scully’s word that something is VERY WRONG, must be incredibly frustrating.

Mulder-before-Scully would have trusted the words of a stranger making these excuses because he was a lot more gullible and willing to trust others who gave him a convenient story.

Current Mulder would be more skeptical, and more importantly, would LISTEN TO SCULLY. EXCEPT ITS DIANA FOWLEY. He trusts her without question because of their history, because he believes she loved him, and that is such a RARE experience for him. He loved her too, at one point, and ACTIVELY works to disbelieve any evidence that contradicts his beliefs. He can’t handle yet ANOTHER person betraying him.

Scully is hurt because she doesn’t know this history, doesn’t know that Mulder feels this way, that he is so blinded by his need to believe that she hasn’t betrayed him - THAT HE DOESN’T TRUST HER.

Scully goes to the Gunmen’s again to find out more info about Fowley. She KNOWS Diana is dirty, but she only has her instincts screaming at her, not any proof. She needs to get it, so Mulder will listen and work with her - because he seems unwilling to trust her otherwise. I think she understands that, despite being hurt by it. (Especially since this mirrors their own investigations on the X-Files. Scully won’t believe Mulder without proof, but at least she listens to him, and has learned to listen to his instincts.)

The stuff Scully finds is suspicious, but not conclusive on its own. With her own instincts about Diana, and everything else she’s seen, it’s enough to bring to Mulder though.

Mulder would find it difficult to believe any evidence pointing towards Diana’s guilt. But this is SCULLY. He is initially resistant, cruel in his dismissal of her claims, but he goes to investigate Diana anyway. He has his back up from the start, stubbornly determined not to believe no matter what Scully shows him.

Scully’s beliefs, her distrust, her instincts ARE NOT ENOUGH and this hurts. Coupled with her concerns that Mulder doesn’t completely trust her anymore (The Beginning), this brings back all of her insecurities. She thought things were getting better between them, that they were starting to get back on track, but this makes her think - Can it ever go back to the way it was?

Mulder is determined to believe that Diana is innocent because the alternative is that maybe she never loved him? His life has been so full of manipulative, distant people, that he wants to hold on to the idea that Diana loved him unconditionally, that there was something to their relationship, that he is CAPABLE of having a relationship. Even though his history with Diana pales in comparison to the feelings he has for Scully, his inability to have a normal relationship with ANYONE would make him doubt his ability to do so in the future.

It is only when Scully threatens to leave that he looks into her suspicions for himself. The only thing more unbearable would be to lose her.

Much like Scully being blinded to the truth, to the paranormal, Mulder is blind when it comes to this person. It stems from them both fearing the implications of that belief. For Scully, it’s about not being able to explain the unknown, of having to face unexplainable things without having the bedrock of her science to conquer her fears about them. For Mulder, it’s about his internal struggle with himself - his fear of losing Scully because he can never be good enough, never give her what she wants because he is incapable of a normal relationship.

Scully points out how convenient it is that DIana showed up right at this moment. Not only is her task to separate Mulder from Scully but to distract him from the work and destroy the X-Files without his interference. All the little things add up to Diana’s duplicity. Mulder has made up his mind about cases on far less evidence. But he is blind when it comes to Diana, and that is WHY she was brought back by CSM, why she is interfering now.

The LGM are disappointed in Mulder. While they don’t have Scully’s instincts about people, they trust her. They can connect the dots with the evidence already uncovered. Something IS strange, and it’s Mulder who seems determined to NOT believe this time, no matter what he’s shown. That Scully and Mulder have a very personal and uncharacteristic fight in front of them would make them uncomfortable and protective of Scully over what they see as a pretty cruel dismissal of her claims by Mulder. (I want to see some LGM post-OS fanfic pls.)

“Because there's nothing to be done. And at some point, you just have to accept that the only way those you love are going to survive is if you give up.” - Mulder

Why would Mulder choose to save himself over the world, over resistance and fighting to save it? Seems like he’s given up, that he is willing to go to the hangar with Diana and Scully. Also, why isn’t he more upset about Diana knowing CSM? He’s still blinded, desperately believing CSM that he was looking for his son. It is so frustrating how he is able to turn a blind eye to all the evidence pointing to her guilt - but perhaps it is just that irrationality about it that makes it all the more believable. Diana is his Achilles Heel, and that is the reason she’s here.

Diana kisses him, but he doesn’t kiss her back. Perhaps he was wondering if he still had feelings for her, or if it was just the memories? Or maybe he thinks he can’t have Scully, so perhaps he is meant to be with Diana? Either way, he knows he doesn’t love her anymore, he can’t pretend, he’s meant to suffer unrequited love, live a lonely existence (see “The Field Where I Died”).

His surrender to the belief that he doesn’t have any choices left seems so out of character here, such a dramatic change from his usual self. I talk more about this issue at the end of this post.

Scully gets Mulder to do the right thing, not just the easy, self-serving one. In this case, it is only because he can’t leave her, he can't save himself if Scully's not there with him. She is his conscience, the agent for good. Mulder is the call to action, but without Scully his decisions have no good purpose or direction.

Badass agents shooting at the train. ❤️ Grabbing her arm to pull her from the tracks.

I assume they discuss things on the way to the train yard and while waiting for Skinner. I don’t think they resolve much, though, since they still seem distant with one another at the end of the episode. They end up going to the hangar and seeing the destruction, despite Scully’s skepticism about the whole story, about not having a choice in the fate of the world. She doesn’t go because she gives up, like Mulder, but because she believes that is where they are taking Cassandra. I think it disturbs Scully to see Mulder surrendering to fate so easily, giving up.

ALSO - think about what Mulder told her how he came about hearing this information. He RAN INTO CSM AT DIANA’S. BUT HE STILL THINKS SHE’S INNOCENT. Scully must be incredibly frustrated at this point. I think her body language in the meeting with Kersh shows that she’s not happy with Mulder.

Scully’s “Sir, I wouldn't bet against him.”

Despite her anger, she’ll always have his back.

Is it assumed Diana and CSM are dead as well (for the moment at least)? Otherwise I’d assume Diana would be at the meeting. Mythology episodes make my head hurt.

***

Here’s a bit of a deep dive. I can understand Mulder’s actions re: Diana fairly well, but I struggled to understand why he so easily gives up after hearing CSM’s story.

CSM’s plan started back at the end of season 5. Mulder and Scully are stronger than ever, and they are closer than ever to the truth. Diana is brought back by CSM to create tension with the end goal of separating Mulder and Scully and causing Mulder to give up. He KNOWS Mulder needs Scully. The plan is fairly successful, and the distance between Mulder and Scully reaches its peak in this episode. All of the evidence stacking up against Diana isn’t enough to cause Mulder to be suspicious of her, which confuses and hurts Scully. Diana counts on the deception and manipulations she's built up with Mulder (now and in their past) to discount anything Scully says against her, to cause Mulder to react negatively to protect his view of her.

The distance and tension in Mulder and Scully’s relationship, as well as separating Mulder from his work, prepares him for the final blow - a story that leaves Mulder feeling hopeless. When Cassandra and CSM tell him their stories about the fate of the world, he is ready to believe in them, to give up and think he has no choice except to follow their direction. He has no rudder, with Scully being out of the picture, no one to tell him that this decision is the WRONG one.

It is Mulder’s distance from Scully (physically and emotionally) that causes him to make all these bad decisions. Scully has always pushed him to do what is right, even if it's difficult. You see this repeated later when CSM messes with Mulder’s brain. She also gives him hope, a belief that TOGETHER they can do anything. When things aren’t great between them, Mulder feels helpless.

After this episode, he's saved, somewhat, by the return of his work and the re-strengthening of his relationship with Scully, but he also seems more apathetic. They go to Florida only because Arthur Dales needs help (“Agua Mala”), Mulder is forced into an X-File in “Monday”, and SCULLY is the one that initiates their first official case (“Arcadia”). His fears about the fate of the world continue, thread their way deep into his mind. His apprehension about what terrible thing is coming because he doesn't deserve to be happy (he has the X-Files back, but does it matter?). 

This lays the groundwork for depression, which I believe Mulder goes through in season 7 after his brain gets tinkered with. I’ll get into more of that later. (Though I do make the implication in my fic “Momentum��� if you haven’t read it. I think many people thought that the Mulder I wrote was being an asshole for no good reason, which wasn’t my intention, but perhaps this will give you a different perspective!)

[raysofcrosby]

LITTLE DO YOU KNOW PT. 2

“𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺, 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮-𝘥𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘬 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮.” ━ 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐲 𝐖𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞, 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚'𝐬 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐌𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞

gif credit (x)

series masterlist

requested: yes | no

warnings: just some swearing nbd

word count: 6,964 [ oh my god i h8 myself lmao ]

authors note: happy halloween!!!! i’m actually hella shook that i managed to get this out so soon, but i was in a writing mood and voila, this came to be. idk what the hell any of the stars are gonna be for halloween, so i just made up a random group costume for a few of them that are mentioned. if you haven’t read part one, you can read it here! anyway, happy halloween, stay safe and enjoy!

"Where is that asshole?" Kennedy asked, adjusting her skirt as she stood in front of her body mirror. "I mean, it's not enough that he ruined our matching costumes by insisting you two match instead. But now he's going to make us late!"

You sigh and sit up from your bed, putting your phone beside you. "Trust me, I know. I was looking forward to rocking our sexy pirate costumes, too."

"We were supposed to look hot and you were going to be my wing-woman tonight." Kennedy dropped her hands by her side and turned to you. "Why does he even want to go? Doesn't he hate them? And is he not aware that they hate him too?"

"Apparently not, because he insisted he come along and that we match," you hopped off of your lofted dorm bed and bent down, opening your mini-fridge and grabbing a beer. "Plus, he hasn't even told me what we're going to be yet."

The annoyance with Cole had only heightened since Saturday's game. He had held your absence from Beta Ball over your head until two days ago when you mentioned Tyler's annual Halloween party was this week. It was on Halloween, the day before they were set to travel to Colorado– a stupid time to have a Halloween party, but the boys are grown and know their limits, so it was up to them not to get extremely trashed to where they'd miss the plane the next day and be hungover on the ice.

Kennedy is ranting on and on about Cole and her dislike from him, going as far to calling him some crude words that you hadn't know existed. You can't blame her though, she's your best friend and is just being protective of you. She's been your roommate since your freshman year at SMU, which also means she's seen your relationship with Cole from the very beginning. If there's anyone more protective of you than your older siblings and the few stars players, it was Kennedy.

"I mean, why don't you just end it already? It's not like you guys have been spot on or even spending time together," She continued, making her fishnets distressed. "He hasn't been blowing up your phone since Saturday, he completely ignored you at dinner the other night at the commons."

"I'm sure–"

"He ignored you, plain and simple. Plus, you two have been off and I think your relationship has officially run its course." She turned back to face the mirror and smiled at her costume. "I think that it's time you get to know some of the Stars on a more personal level other than 'yeah, I'll tape you up.' And maybe big brother can help!"

"Yeah right," you laughed, taking a long sip of your beer and then pointing the bottle at her to share it. "You and I both know Jamie wouldn't let me near their dating pool. He knows how they talk about girls and practically lives with them."

She walked over, taking the beer from you and taking a swig. "Okay, and?"

"And I highly doubt that he'd want to hear any of them talk about me in the locker room. He cringed when I said the word, breasts on Saturday."

"Hmph," she pouted, taking another swig before handing the beer back to you. "Stupid Jamie, cockblocking us from his hot teammates. It's just really rude and inconsiderate of him."

"I mean, you can go for one if you want. Just because we're not both dressed as super sexy twin pirates, doesn't mean I can't be your wing-woman."

She went to reply when a knock came from your door, causing the smile on her face to twist into an annoyed frown. "Satan's here."

You laugh and shake your head, making your way over to the door, opening it to see Cole standing there looking down at his phone and dressed in a tuxedo. "Oh uh wow," he looks up from his phone and nods at you as you stifle a laugh. "You look...sorry, you do know that we're going to a Halloween party...right?"

"Yep," he said, accentuating the 'p' and handing you the bag. "Your costume is in there." He walked past you and sat down on a footstool by your bed.

You closed the door and looked at Kennedy who turned her attention to Cole, giving him the stink eye before making a slicing motion across her neck. Cole was completely unaware, focused on his phone, which made her actions much more hilarious. "Well? Are you going to get ready?"

You bit your tongue, holding back a snarky reply that seemed to be more consistent which him as the week went on and just nodded, turning towards your bathroom and walking inside. "I'll help you!" Kennedy called out, immediately following you into your shared bathroom and closing the door. With no hesitation, she began playing music on her phone and turned it all the way up before placing her phone on the counter. "God, he is such a dick!"

You just nodded in agreement as you opened the bag, pulling out a bright red and fancy bodycon dress with no tags. You held it up and looked at Kennedy with raised eyebrows. "What the fuck is this for? It's the only thing in here."

Kennedy rolled her eyes and opened the bathroom door, peeping out into your room. "Hey, dipshit, what the fuck is this costume supposed to be?" You couldn't hear his reply over the music playing, only Kennedy's annoyed tone. "You know what? Just text me the picture." She closed the door and picked up her phone, unlocking it. "I swear I'm going to kill him."

"Why?" She looked up at you with raised eyebrows and you shook your head. "Besides the obvious reasons."

"This." Kennedy turned the phone towards you and you zoomed in on the image from Cole's message. Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to get a grasp on just what the hell his costume inspiration was.

"Are you serious?"

"If you want me to kill him, say the word. I plan to get my master's degree in Criminal Justice and I'll learn how to get rid of a body with no evidence."

You looked between the picture and the dress you were holding and sighed, shaking your head. "No, that's okay. But there's no way in hell I'm walking into that party with my makeup like that. I'll just...do it there, I guess."

❒❒❒❒

Tyler's party was crowded by the time your uber dropped us off and pretty much everyone who was invited had arrived before you, thanks to Cole for making you guys late. Saying a few quick hellos to the familiar faces you saw, the first thing you and Kennedy did was take over the downstairs guest bathroom so you could finish off your costume. After Cole explained what it was in the uber, your unsettling feeling never disappeared like you thought it would. Kennedy closed and locked the door behind her as you hopped up onto the bathroom counter. 

"Are you sure you want to do this? We can still turn this into a whole different costume. Maybe add some teasing, a poof and we can say that you're a pale version of Snooki!"

You sigh and nod your head. "I already feel bad for missing Beta Ball, so if this is gonna help him get over his pettiness then I'll do it. I'll just suck it up." You hopped off of the counter and held out your hand. "You got the stuff?"

"Your boyfriend is a grade A idiot and you're too good of a soul to agree to this costume choice." She pulled out a small bottle of Visine and handed it over. "I'm getting drinks and I'll be right outside the door."

You watched her walk out of the bathroom and locked the door behind her before returning to the counter. Staring at your reflection and then the Visine bottle on the counter, part of you couldn't believe that you were actually about to go through with this costume. After you got dressed at the dorm and your uber arrived, you confronted Cole about the costume choice.

Who the hell picks a couple costume based on the Bachelor...where the girlfriend is dressed as a losing contestant?

He brushed off your concern almost immediately and told you his reasoning as if he had practiced it like a script. You weren't just any random Bachelor themed season– you were Colton's season. He was Colton and you were Hannah B, this years' last Bachelorette. God, just hearing his excuse echo in your mind was enough to want to rip your hair out.

"Babe, Hannah B  is the most popular Bachelorette and Colton turned her away! This is just our take on it. It'll be a hit, I swear!"

And when you complained about having to make yourself look like a crying mess by running mascara down your cheeks with Visine?

"Think about the after! Hannah B had a popular season and she's like, the hottest Bachelorette. Next year, we can do something like that!"

The only thing that made his excuses worse and his logic flawed...was the dress. Hannah B was wearing an elegant gown and didn't make her look like a dime and a dollar hooker. Not to mention that she didn't even cry on camera when Colton sent her home. But the guilt of missing out of his party was the one thing that kept bringing you back to an agreement. This party was only for a couple of hours and once you took a few shots to the face, you wouldn't even care about how your make-up looked.

You picked up the Visine bottle and squeezed a few drops into each eye, using a folded piece of toilet paper to help shape the mascara stains that were rolling down your cheeks. You were supposed to look like a disheveled, heartbroken Bachelor contestant, but you'll be damned if you don't look at least a little bit controlled. A knock came from the door just as you finished up. "Hold on, I'll be out in a second!"

You stood back to admire your crying marks and shook your head before tossing the napkin away and stuffing the bottle of Visine into your bra. "I look like a rabid raccoon, Kennedy," you said, making your way towards the door and unlocking it. "Cole is so lucky that I put up with this shit –"

When you opened the door, a tipsy Jamie was leaning in the doorway, his attention down the hall. "Oh shit, sorry," he apologized, turning towards you and immediately taking in your costume, confusion written all over his face. "Wow Y/N, you look like shit."

"Wow, okay thanks Jamie," you said, ducking beneath his arm and out into the hallway. "You see your sister with tear-stained cheeks and that's what you say?" You were being full-on sarcastic with your brother and trying your best to hide back your smile.

He shook his head as if to snap him out of his thoughts and took in your mascara stained cheeks again. "Oh shit, are you okay? What happened? Did someone hurt you? What did Frat douche do?"

Getting the reaction you desired, you smiled and patted his chest. "It's part of the costume big brother, no worries. But it's nice to see where your loyalties lie."

Just as you went to turn around, Kennedy came walking up with two solo cups in her hands, passing you one of them. "Hi Jamie, where are the rest of the Average Joes?"

You turned to your brother, taking a sip of the drink Kennedy had made you– vodka cranberry– and took in your brother's appearance for the first time. He was wearing an Average Joe's uniform from the movie Dodgeball, only his shorts were a little bit too short and a little bit too tight. "Yuck, I never want to see that much leg from you ever again, Chubbs."

"You're just jealous my hammies are better than yours," He smiled, before nodding his head down the hall. "Segs, Rad and Big Rig are in the living room somewhere." He walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

"Let's party hard?" Kennedy smiled, holding her cup up.

"Please and thank you," you sighed, clinking your cup to hers before the two of you took a sip.

The bathroom door opened a few seconds later, Jamie peeking his head out into the hall. "One more thing, have fun and get drunk, but please don't get too drunk because mom would kill me and I don't want her and dad to threaten to fly down here because you decided to get alcohol poisoning." He pointed at Kennedy, giving her the same look. "You too Kennedy. I don't know your mom, but I'm sure she'd kick my ass too." And then he disappeared back into the bathroom.

You and Kennedy shared a look before bursting into laughter. "Come on, let's mingle and find my hot hockey hunk." She smiled, looping her arm through yours and leading you down the hall.

Tyler had moved to a new house sometime this summer, so you haven't been able to check it out yet since your dog sitting duties were not yet needed. It was a nice house, one that many professional athletes would love to spend their money on. You liked his last house, but this one sure was an amazing upgrade. As Kennedy navigated you guys back towards the life of party, you took in the guests around you. The entire Stars roster was present and all in costumes. A few chose to match with their significant others, some went solo on a costume choice and there were a few grouped ones. Also in attendance...a lot of girls, some of them WAGs, whom you knew, but the rest you didn't know. It was hard to keep track of who was here since people were constantly moving between the dance floor, the bar/kitchen, beer pong and the few who decided to wander out to the pool patio. It wasn't a surprise though, Tyler knew a lot of people in the Dallas area. Over the last few years, you and Kennedy made it a habit to try and pick who the two of you thought was Tyler's current hook-up, a fun game where you never really found out the answer. But suddenly, the idea of playing that game tonight didn't seem all too appealing.

A burly figure bumped into you, separating your arm from Kennedy's. "Oh shit, I'm sorry," Big Rig looked down at you and laughed. "Did someone splash their drink on your face? Why is it all runny?"

"Oh no, that's her costume, Jamie," Kennedy laughed, taking a sip of her drink. "Doucheface decided they'd be Colton and Hannah B from the Bachelor."

He checked out your costume, his eyes lingering for a few seconds before doing his damndest to hide his smile and looking towards Kennedy. "Um...okay."

"Alright, alright enough. If you excuse me, I'm going to go find my doucheface." You said, taking a long sip and turning to look towards the dance floor.

"Nope! Klinger and I need two more people to play beer pong, and if I can count as good as I think I can," He took another sip and eyed you and Kennedy. "Then I think we've got our two people."

Kennedy looked at you with a smile and you sighed, looking out into the crowd of people and not seeing Cole anywhere. "Alright, I'm in."

"Yes! You're so going down." He smiled, standing at an end of the table as Kennedy traveled down to go stand beside Klinger.

"Alright pretty boy, let's see what you got."

❒❒❒❒

"WOOHOO!" You cheered, your arms up in a V as you turned to Big Rig with a mega-watt smile. "Winner, us. Losers...you two."

He rolled his eyes and laughed, tugging your arms down. "You guys so cheated! Using your..." He waved his hand at his chest area, "distraction techniques."

"Alls fair in pong and war, baby," Kennedy winked, taking a sip of her drink.

Jamie continues the banter as you look off and see Cole standing towards the front foyer and talking to Radulov, Dickinson, Pavelski, and Heiskanen. You couldn't believe that some of the players were talking to him. You turned back to Big Rig and Kennedy. "Well, this was a blast but I see Cole and I should probably spend some time with my boyfriend."

They both nodded as I started to walk away. "Didn't Hannah B like...lose the Bachelor? Not that I know...I mean, my sister watches it." Jamie said, no doubt talking to Kennedy.

"Yeah, but Cole is a douche canoe who's tiny brain doesn't comprehend that," she giggled in reply, making you smile and making a mental note to yourself to try and get them together.

As you navigated the crowd and walked over to the group, Rads was the first to see you and he smiled. "Y/N!" He broke off and hugged you, not commenting on your make-up.

"Hey boys," you smiled, going around and giving them all hugs before settling beside Cole.

"There's our favorite trainer in training," Pavelski smiled, raising his cup to you.

"We missed you," Dickinson added, looking over at Cole.

You could feel Cole tense after Dickinson said that and your eyes followed his cup as he brought it up to his lips again and again. "Yeah sorry, I was too busy annihilating Big Rig and Klinger in beer pong.

"Can you teach me how to beat them? I've never been able to win and I've already lost out on $200 and had to wear this stupid diaper and baby bonnet." Heiskanen mumbled, motioning towards his adult-sized diaper and big binky hanging around his neck.

You laughed and nodded, taking a sip of your drink. "Sure thing, we'll team up against them later tonight, okay?"

No sooner than you agreed to help Miro, Cole snatched his arm from yours and left the group, disappearing into the crowd. Your eyes went wide and you could feel the heat of embarrassment warm along your cheeks. The first person you made eye contact with, was Miro who soon after was sending death glares at the back of Cole's head. Your eyes moved along the group, seeing the same thing. At first, they'd look at you in concern before turning their attention to the direction Cole left in in anger.

You cleared your throat and kept your head down. "I'll see you guys later." 

Before they could reply, you walked away from their group and over towards the bar in which Cole was just now leaving after refilling his cup. You followed steps behind him as he walked out to the patio and by the time you had reached the outer door, the few people who were already outside were starting to come in. Cole was standing at the end of the pool, furthest away from the door. He took a long sip of his drink before kicking a beach ball off of the deck and into the pool water. 

"What'd that ball ever do to you?" You asked jokingly,  met with anger filled eyes when he turned towards you and then back around.

"Are you into him?" He asked, keeping his back to you as you walked over.

His question practically stops you in your tracks. Your mind, almost immediately, wanders to if he was referring to the chirping he had overheard between you and Tyler during his phone call. "Who is 'him'?"

"Oh, don't play dumb with me. Are you into him?"

"I'm not playing dumb, Cole! I don't know who you're talking about?" You laughed, shaking your head. "I mean, I don't know if you've noticed, but there's about 45 some 'hims' you could be talking about!"

This time, Cole laughed in disbelief and shook his head as he brought his cup to his lips. "Such a slut thing to say, Y/N."

Your eyes widened in shock and you almost took a step back at his words. It only took a few moments before the anger mixed with alcohol started to flow through your veins at the fact that he just called you a slut. "Excuse me? Try not letting your fragile masculinity get in the way of the clarity of your question, Cole." You said his name in spite, something he took notice of since it caused him to face you.

He stomps towards you before coming to an immediate stop in front of you. "Oleksiak. Are you into him?" He sneered, taking advantage of his height difference over you.

You couldn't help but laugh at who he was asking about, but felt relieved that he wasn't talking about Tyler. "Teddy Bear? No, I'm not into him. We're just friends."

"Oh, so if I were to find a girl to play beer pong with and was all over her like you were him, then I'd get a pass?"

You had to shake your head in disbelief at his question. He was truly serious and upset about you playing beer pong with Big Rig. His drunken brain has his emotions at an all-time high over this. "Oh my God, I wasn't all over him! It's called trying to distract and win, Cole. You and your frat brothers pants each other and whip out our dicks, for Godsake."

His sneer was pasted on his face permanently as he took another long sip of his drink. You sighed and crossed your arms. "I think you should stop drinking, Cole. You know what...we should just go."

He completely ignored you, taking another sip of his drink. "You know what? I think I'm in the mood to play some beer pong and make some new friends."

"Okay, now you're just being petty."

"How is that petty? We're just friends!" He mocked, using air quotes before brushing by you to go back into the house. "I think I'm going to go find some girl to play beer pong with, maybe a Cassie. Is there a Cassie here?"

You ran your tongue along the inside of your cheek before huffing at his subtle dig. He only took a few steps and you walked after him, "why are you being such a di–"

When he whipped around to face you, his drink collided with yours, spilling both completely all over the front of your dress. "Damn it, Y/N! You ruined the dress!"

"It's not my fault, you bumped into me!" You argued back, looking down at the stain. "I'll get it dry-cleaned, okay?"

"Well, it's all over me too!" His voice raised as he patted at his tux. His eyes looked at the dress and went wide in fear before darkening again. "It's not even your dress, I borrowed it from Pat's girlfriend so you better get it cleaned." He shook his hands out before turning around and storming back into the house.

"I just said that you asshole," you mumbled, looking up from the dress to see two girls sitting at the far edge of the pool, staring. "Happy Halloween, I hope you enjoyed the show!"

The two girls tore their gaze away from you and scurried back inside to the party. You looked around the pool area to see that you were now the only one outside. You looked back towards the party and then back at your dress before sitting down at the edge of the pool and dipping your legs into the water. You'd rather stay out here by yourself than have to avoid the stares and risk running into Cole again. The humidity had managed to die down, not by a whole lot, but by enough to where sitting outside was more comfortable than dancing around in the big group inside.

"Let me guess. It's your party and you'll cry if you want to?"

You smiled to yourself, keeping your back to the voice. "Last time I checked, it was your party, Seguin." You turned around to look at him and his eyes immediately went wide as he took in your appearance, but being kind, he tried to hide it. "I know, I'm hideous." You added, turning back to the water.

Tyler walked up beside you and squatted down to your level. "Uh no, but...are you okay? Why were you crying? Was it benchwarmer?" He paused, looking at your twiddling thumbs before sighing. "What did he do?"

He started to stand up and you reached back, grabbing his hand and stopping him, "don't!" You can see the genuine concern in his eyes mixed with the kind of anger you've seen Jamie and Jordie get in their eyes whenever they got protective over you. "Don't okay? He's just...he's drunk and when he's drunk he's stupid."

"I mean, I think he's stupid when he's sober too, but okay sure, let's go with that excuse."

You didn't roll your eyes at Tyler for once, because you knew that he was right. Instead, you let go of his hand and bring your hand back into your lap, sighing. "Why are you out here? Why aren't you boozing it up with your teammates and their hookups?"

"Because I saw benchwarmer downing a shot, Kennedy with Big Rig and she said she last saw you with him." He took a sip of his drink, looking down at the cup. "Thank God I didn't have to speak to him before I overheard Hailee and Taylor talking about 'poor girl, her boyfriends a dick.' And I used my big brain and put two and two together," he took another drink. "It was quite simple really."

The two of you sat together, Tyler still squatting down beside you as you guys took in the night sky.  You snuck a look at him and you weren't sure if you imagined it or not, but you thought that you had caught him looking away from you. It must have been a twitch or something because when you fully looked, he was looking up at the stars. You looked at your drink and took a sip, looking out of the corner of your eye to see him quickly looking away from you and down at his drink.

"You know you can sit down, right?"

Tyler furrowed his eyebrows, looking down to realize that he was still squatting and then laughing before shaking his head. "No need, I'm a hockey player. I mean, have you seen my legs? I've got quads and hamstrings made of pure steel." He finished off his drink and smirked. "Buns of steel too. I get quite a few compliments on that during warmups from the ladies."

You smiled, raising an eyebrow before leaning back and taking a good look at his butt. "Eh, I've seen better."

He scoffs, bringing a hand to his chest and standing up. "I'm going to pretend like that didn't just hurt my feelings and go inside and get another drink. Want one?"

You groan and nodded. "At this point, I'll take ten shots to the face."

He just laughed and grabbed your hand, helping you up and walking you to the patio. As soon as you guys got under the light, he stopped you from walking inside. "Jesus Y/N, are you that drunk to where you spilled your drink on yourself?"

"Oh uh, no that was Cole. I went after him, he spun around and...splash. Guess I'll just stay sticky the whole night." You can see how badly he wants to make a smart comment, but he held it back anyway, probably more focused on the fact that Cole spilled his drink on you. "Don't worry about it Tyler, it's fine."

"Nope, come on."

He held onto your hand, leading you through the crowd and his new house, walking down the hall and coming into a bedroom. He dropped your hand once you came to a stop in front of the closet door, opening it and turning on the light. "This is kind of a lost and found from previous parties and uh..." He looks embarrassed as he rubs the back of his neck, though you weren't sure why since his conquests weren't exactly secret. "Guests."

"Oh no, no way! I am not wearing your hook-ups leftovers!"

Tyler sighed, turning off the light and closing the door. "I figured that, but there was no harm in the offering."

The two of you walked out of the guest room and you followed him upstairs, not even caring what people would think if they saw the two of you. "Where are you leading me now, Seguin? Your sex dungeon?" You laughed, only to realize just how embarrassing your question was.

When you reached the top of the stairs, Tyler turned towards you with a smile. "No, no sex dungeon. Though that does sound like it'd be a good investment. I'll have to think about that for an addition."

He opens a door on the left and walks in, turning on the lights before nodding at you to follow him inside. When you do, he waves you over towards the bed. "Sit, stand, do whatever makes you comfortable. I'll be bright back."

You nod as he walks off into one of his two walk-in closets and look towards his bed. You raised your eyebrows that moment your eyes caught glimpse of a pair of pinky bunny ears that were resting on his bedside table. "Do I even want to know why you have a pair of bunny ears, Seguin?" You asked, picking them up.

"Oh yeah, you know what? Candy, the girl I met at One Night Stand, she might have left those here the other night. Real freaky girl, she wore them the entire time."

You jumped, tossing the ears onto his bed and frantically wiped your hands against your dress just as Tyler walked out of the closet, laughing his ass off. "Why are you laughing? I touched those!"

"I'm laughing because I was lying, Y/N." He picked them up and put them back onto your head, smiling. "They were part of my costume last weekend. No bunny business was done wearing those and they didn't touch anyone's body except for mine, okay?"

You nodded as he placed a whole bunch of jerseys onto the bed. "So what exactly are we doing here?"

He smiled like a child and motioned towards the jerseys. "Finding you a new costume since yours is..." he grimaced at it before shaking his head. "I'm sorry, what are you even supposed to be?"

You just groaned and shook your head as he fumbled with taking some of the things off their hangers. "So apparently we're supposed to be Colton Underwood and Hannah Brown..."

He stopped, giving you a blank stare. "Didn't she...lose on that show? Like, isn't he engaged to some other girl?"

"Cassie Randolph, yeah exactly! And when I mentioned that, he went on some rant about how she's the most popular Bachelorette and blah blah blah, and her season ended with her breaking up an engagement because Jed was cheating!"

Tyler just laughed and nodded along, keeping his attention on the clothes in front of him, picking up a pair of black spandex and tossing them to you. He must have seen the panicked look in your eyes because he immediately shook his head. "They're Cassidy's. She left them behind the last time she came to visit. You guys are about the same size and that's the only valid pair of bottoms I have unless you want to go as risky business in my boxers and a button-up?" You felt self-conscious as his eyes traveled up and down your legs before he catches himself in the act and clears his throat. "Which you could pull off...only if you want to."

"Do I have any other options?"

"I don't know if you'll necessarily like it, but uh..." he pulled up a Stars jersey of his and then he eyed the bunny ears on your head.

"A puck bunny?! Are you–"

"Or a cleat chaser!" He quickly added, holding up a specialty Texas Rangers jersey. "If you wear this one!"

"What kind of costume choices are these, Tyler?"

"The kind that a 27-year-old man's closet has to offer! I'm sorry I don't wear club dresses, they're not my style."

You sigh and weighed your options. You could either go with the spandex, a Tyler related jersey and bunny ears, or you could wear a pair of his boxers and a dress shirt. You reached down and grabbed his Stars jersey, walking into his bathroom and peaking back out, taking the bunny ears off of your head and tossing them at him, as he laughed. "I'm not wearing the ears."

You closed the door behind you and unzipped your dress from the side, letting it slide off of your body. When you picked it up from the floor, you noticed just how clean and organized his bathroom was. Yeah, there was no way that Tyler picked out these decorations by himself. He either hired a professional or Jackie helped him pick out some things. You hung your dress over the side of his bathtub, before turning back towards the door. "Do you have any washcloths in here?"

"In the drawers by the sink!"

You looked over at the sink and slumped down, your eyes trailing down all four drawers. "Tyler, there are four drawers."

"Uh, I don't know! Second or third maybe?"

"Please don't let me find anything gross, please." You whispered, closing your eyes and tugging on the second drawer. When you opened your eyes, you looked to see a bunch of bottles. You picked one up and read the label.

Invati scalp revitalizer.

It was hair thickener. "Ha, I knew there was no way that he hasn't started balding yet," you laughed, putting it down and picking it up to see that it was jock powder. You dropped it back down and closed the drawer.

"Are you okay? Do you need help or-"

You opened the third drawer and found a stack of washcloths. "Nope! Nope, I'm good I found one!"

It was disappointing having to pretty much wipe off all of your foundation just to get off the mascara stains from your cheeks. Not only were you now in an unplanned costume but now you had to go around the rest of the party with nothing but the mascara and rest of your eye make-up that you were determined to keep. Sliding on the spandex, which fit perfectly, you pulled Tyler's jersey over your head and let it hang down to mid-thigh level. It didn't look right in your reflection, so you just tucked the front into your spandex and nodded in approval. You walked out of his bathroom and raised your arms halfway before letting them drop. "I look ridiculous."

"I don't know if I should be offended because that's my jersey or if I should agree."

"I mean, what am I even supposed to be Tyler? I'm wearing heels for Godsake!"

He looked down at your feet and nodded, biting the inside of his cheek. "Yeah, you've got a point there and your feet are way too small for any of my shoes."

"Any chance either of your sisters left an extra pair of shoes?" Tyler shook his head and you sighed. "Yeah, I didn't think so." Tyler was now wearing the bunny ears on his head and you knew what would make the costume make sense. You groaned and reached up at his head, grabbing the ears. "If you make any kind of joke, I'm leaving this party and you're never seeing this jersey again."

As you put the ears on your head, Tyler stepped back and took you in, smiling and nodding his head. "Alright, there's your new costume. You're my fan!"

You rolled your eyes and bumped into his shoulder as you walked towards his door. "Well, it's a lot better than being the seventh runner-up from the Bachelor." As the two of you walked into the hall, you stopped and turned around. "I meant to ask you, how did you even know? Do you watch The Bachelor?"

Tyler shut his bedroom door, ignoring your answer. "Ha! You do! You do watch it!"

"My sisters love it and besides, Tom Wilson watches it."

"Huh, I guess I learn something new about you every day. What else don't I know?" You asked as the two of you started walking down the hallway.

"I guess you better stick around and find out, huh?" He smiled, shrugging his shoulders.

A drunken Jamie trudges up the stairs, coming to a halt and holding onto the stair railing before pointing to you. "That's not what you were wearing."

"Cole spilled his drink on her, so I thought I'd help her out," Tyler replied quickly,  not even giving you enough time to start panicking.

Jamie looked at the two of you and walked over, plucking at your jersey and then the bunny ears. You could feel your panicked nerves practically start to swallow your body whole, unsure if your brother was sober enough to understand just what your costume was. When his eyes finally move on from the jersey and focus on the ears, he let out a belly laugh. "Ha! I get it! Well, this costume is a lot better than your last one."

He stumbled a little more, placing a hand on both yours and Tyler's shoulders. "You're lucky Seggy likes you enough to wear that jersey."

"What? Why? It's just a jersey," You look between Tyler and Jamie. "Isn't it?"

"Pffffft!" Jamie said dramatically. "This is the jersey he wore when he reached 500 career points. Y/N! Duh!" He turned to Tyler, "I thought you boxed it, man!"

Tyler was too busy fighting off his redding cheeks as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I haven't gotten to it yet."

You looked down at the jersey you were wearing, shocked that Tyler even considered it as an option at all. Part of you didn't want to move, afraid that if you did, you'd somewhere mess it up and upset Tyler. You had to take it off, there's no way you could wear it for the rest of the night.

Jamie patted Tyler's shoulder and smiled at him. "You're such a good brother man," he wrapped him up in a one-armed hug. "To me and Y/N."

His comment makes your stomach sink and not in a good way, and suddenly you find yourself resenting feeling that way and resenting Jamie for making the comment. Tyler too is silent before he coughs and sighs. "Yeah, brother..." His eyes graze over you faintly as Jamie pulls away from his hug.

He pats both of their shoulders again and sighs. "I love you guys...I need to pee."

Jamie walked in between the two of you and off into Tyler's bedroom, closing the door behind him. Both of you stood there in awkward silence, surely both unable to think of what to say. "Well...that was awkward."

You looked at him, crossing your arms. "What? My brother loving my puck bunny costume or the fact that he saw us coming out of your room and made it a point to say you're like a brother to me?"

Tyler was still nervous as he bit the inside of his cheek again and shrugged his shoulder and shook his head, unsure. "I mean, it's my jersey so I think the costume is cool."

"...So it's the comment then?" Looking at him, you took a dramatic gasp for breath and looked at him. "Seguin...do you have a crush on me?"

Tyler, instead of answering you, goes to take a sip, only to realize that his drink was empty. He looked into the empty cup and no sooner than you started to laugh, he turned his gaze to you. "What if I do?"

The last laugh was stuck in your throat as your brain forgot how to instruct your body to breathe. You stared at him, trying to read the expression in his eyes and seeing if you could find any tells that he was lying. Instead, you find absolutely nothing.  You opened your mouth to reply when Tyler's bedroom door opened up and Jamie walked out, looking at the two of you and then looked back down at his phone. "Oh, you're still here, great." He walks up and puts a hand on your shoulder. "Craig had a family thing come up, so Dave told me to tell you that you're coming to Colorado with us tomorrow."

No sooner than he finished his sentence, Jamie walked back down the stairs, leaving you and Tyler with not even a goodbye. Your jaw had dropped slightly at the surprising news. You were only a trainer in training, not even an official or real trainer! You've never even traveled with the team before! And how the fuck were you supposed to pack your bags when you'll no doubt be drunk by the time you reach your dorm. What if you forgot to pack something?

Tyler tugged on your bunny ears, pulling them down in front of your eyes and knocking you out of your thoughts to see he had already started walking down the stairs. "Hey, I’ll save you the seat next to me on the plane."

[nightslain]

So I guess it’s that time of day where I get up on my soap box to once again talk about the incongruities and gaping chasms in the Netflixvania plot that have yet to be addressed, specifically those that strengthen the case for why shoehorning Leon into this mess divorced of his supporting cast and story is probably a Bad Idea. 

TL;DR I am perpetually tortured by the fact nothing makes sense right now so I am going to whinge exhaustively in a post to exorcise myself of misery and potentially spare my poor friend’s ears.

So. The show’s version of the origin story has not been properly detailed in any meaningful length except for the fact that a) Leon is indeed the patriarch of the Belmont family and b) he entered Wallachia specifically to hunt for Dracula. Sounds like the same story beats from LoI at face value, but just like everything else about this house of cards, it completely falls apart under the faintest bit of scrutiny. I’ve beat the dead horse of Mathias no longer being canon enough as it is, but Mathias is arguably the most pivotal character in the entire story. You cannot make a Castlevania adaptation that excludes his history and expect it to make actual sense. If you remove Mathias, you dismantle every facet of the plot in one fell swoop, especially if you’re going to try and wedge Leon Belmont into your story without him. The two are mutually exclusive, you cannot have one without the other unless you completely rewrite the canon to follow a wholly different trajectory that is free of those trappings (i.e Lords of Shadow, which I do not like, but I appreciate that it was trying to do something totally different and therefore don’t take great issue with it.)

And I would have accepted this level of reimagining was the show’s intention, if Leon wasn’t paid such a heaping dose of aggressive lip service to indisputably assert him as this universe’s Belmont patriarch as well. But put in context with the rest Ellis’ interpretation as is, this just ends up making no God damn sense.

Dracula has been explicitly stated to be the first vampire to exist in this universe. That solidly affirms that Mathias is not canon, so therefore Leon’s history with him is also non existent. So in turn, that logically means Walter Bernhard also never existed, Mathias never hatched that elaborate plot with him to betray Leon, Sara was never kidnapped, Leon never had to rescue her, she was never bitten by Walter, her soul was never sacrificed to make the Vampire Killer. So what did happen, then? If Dracula was never Mathias, then what the fuck was he up to in the 11th century? Getting his distance mirror apparently, which he made an oddly specific point of mentioning he acquired 400 years prior to the events of season two, which would have been approximately 1075. This would leave us 19 years prior to Lament of Innocence, so presumably Dracula was already a vampire when Leon was just a child. Which in itself just more effectively dispatches any expectations of their history together being the same or even just similar to what it was in LoI. 

Albeit, Trevor treats us to some pretty loaded exposition in saying that the Belmont family hailed from France, moving to Wallachia when “the dark things all moved into the east”--followed by Alucard affirming that Leon was in Wallachia looking specifically for Dracula. So Dracula and his monsters were obviously in France at some point in this canon causing a stink that attracted Leon’s notice--we also have evidence of this with one of the storyboard artists drawing Leon in his knightly garb slaying said monsters. But if Dracula was never Mathias in Ellis’ interpretation, what was he even doing dicking around in France in the first place? And furthermore, what did he do to convince Leon to chase him into the east as well as devote his life and the life of every Belmont after him to killing Dracula specifically? Because it’s gonna be a pretty weak downgrade in motivation from the original story if he just wants to kill Dracula because Vampires Are Evil ™, or Dracula just offhandedly killed someone important to him without nary a drop of history behind them to give it weight.

Also another discrepancy between these two canons is Leon is still a knight when he goes into the east whereas he gave up his knighthood in the games; this is quite boldly showcased by his depiction in that big ass painting as well as the fact his sword is present in the Belmont hold--which is also coincidentally the thing that kills Dracula, not the Vampire Killer. And oh yeah, how the fuck is the Vampire Killer here if the whole plot behind its existence has been effectively erased? I repeat, it’s going to be a weak downgrade if it came from anything less than the tragedy of Sara Trantoul’s sacrifice--which its starting to seem like it will be, based on everything else that’s been exorcised from the show canon.

There’s just no sensible way to knit these two interpretations together at this point if Ellis is going to dig in his heels and maintain that Dracula’s history as Mathias is not part of his vision, so I really can’t say I’m sure what in God’s name he’s going to inject into the story to fill this gaping hole he’s gnawed into the canon. I strongly believe Leon should just have been quietly excluded if the most vital elements of his story have been erased along with Mathias as well. I would not be here complaining about this at all if Leon hadn’t been forced into this version of Castlevania unnecessarily, which then just opened up a black hole of inconsistencies. Why even add him? Why have your main cast keep talking about him? Why sprinkle in fresh lore about him? Why make his sword the thing that kills Dracula? Why do all this if he’s going to be either a non-entity in the future of the show, or you’re going to just ignore the entirety of the canon that he is inextricably attached to?

This is why I’m kind of in a purgatorial relationship with the show right now as we wait for season three; I have no idea if there’s going to be even a molecule of exposition showing off the “New and Improved” vision for Leon’s and Dracula’s backstory--a part of me finds their constant chatter about Leon a little too heavy-handed for his character and history to just be swept under the rug thereafter, but another part of me is pretty solidly convinced the show isn’t even going to attempt to address that elephant in the room from here.

However, if Alucard’s going to be left by his lonesome with nothing but his father’s castle and the Belmont library, then he better be busting his ass down there reading up on some Belmont family history. Because honestly? There really is no other purpose his character can serve when isolated from the rest of the cast, the action and the plot, besides acting as a vehicle for exposition. I’d like to believe that this was the intention behind that very sudden and very off-handed plot point of Trevor bestowing his family’s library upon him in season 2. Why else do that and then just leave him there? If Alucard is just going to be steered back into the fray early into the new season, then what was even the point of having the team go their separate ways? 

Anyways. I’ve said before I really wouldn’t mind if the staff decided to rewrite Dracula and Leon’s history together a little due to the bizarre and convoluted nature of LoI’s plot which definitely needs a fresh coat of paint, and I still maintain that; but they seem to be both borrowing the outline of the premise while erasing the primary facets that made it work, and I’m entirely confused about how they’re going to actualise such a shaky narrative structure. Not very well, judging by this janky mess of plotholes they’ve dug for themselves--if they don’t just conveniently forget to ever address it again, I’m half sure their answers to these questions are going to be some wacky nonsense that probably even further diminishes the symbolic importance of the story as a whole.

If the show completely erases any meaningful relationship between Dracula and Leon as well as the gravity behind the Vampire Killer’s origins, then it will have truly sunk to a whole new depth. These are the only things I am begging Ellis not to fuck up. You know, the entire crux of Castlevania’s plot as we know it, and the entire reason this story is even playing out in this universe the way it is.

There’s no shortage of us already frustrated with his treatment of the canon as it is, and its a damn shame. I really like a lot of things about the show. The animation is still gorgeous, the music is wonderful, the atmosphere is great, and I felt genuinely moved by some of the scenes they curated for us. I appreciate the hard work the team as a whole has poured into it in the limited time frame they have to complete every season. There’s no taking away from the fact that the show has value in many areas. But Ellis to date has sadly cocked up more facets of the story than he has improved, which is what is consistently holding the show back. As much as I crave answers from this series though, I’m equally as afraid that I am not going to like them when I get them. Or that Leon’s character is going to get dragged backwards through a thorn-bush should he ever appear in the flesh.

I would love nothing more than season three to blow me away and restore my faith in the future of the series but at this point, I’d honestly settle for a few minutes of icon material and whatever answers there are so I can finally leave this bespoke Silent Hill Ellis’ writing has crafted for me, amen and good night.

[rorykillmore]

okay and this ended up being more of a new years present than a christmas present, but regardless! my final gift fic for @xivuuarath !    they requested more of our “villanelle and ravage go on assassin missions together” au complete with ravage interacting with konstantin. note that i was originally going to do something crazy and fun for this but... then i got the idea to set it post-killing eve season 2 and it kind of took a more weighted and painful turn. this is an inevitability no matter what dynamic storm and i write together, so,

storm i hope you have (/had) a wonderful holiday!!! i know this year has been very difficult with caretaking and family stuff but i still think... it’s showcased an incredible amount of progress, and i’m always so happy for you and proud of you when i hear that you’re managing to write more or do more confidently in school. i know we also haven’t talked as frequently this past year, but you are still a friend who i love and value and have been through so much with, and that remains as important to me as ever <33 good luck with everything you do in 2020!!!

For better or for worse - whether it’s a weakness or a precious remnant of a more righteous cause that he ought to sink his claws into and never, ever let go of - Ravage has a habit of doing the right thing when he can afford to.

Patience might not be considered a virtue when it makes you a methodical, effective killer, but Ravage has rarely ever lacked it when it counts either way.

But these human spies the Decepticons have temporarily aligned themselves with -- they test him, sometimes. He detests most of the higher ranking members of the Twelve, frankly. They all reek of greed and wealth and apathy, and if there comes a day when Soundwave decides it might be beneficial to get rid of them, Ravage certainly does not plan on grieving.

Thankfully, the contacts he works most closely with - the assassin and her handler - are not quite so insufferable. Or at least, Villanelle is insufferable in a different way, and Konstantin... well, he’s the only human in this entire operation who Ravage can sometimes detect a whiff of decency from. Ravage occasionally halfway respects him, when he’s not seeking secret entertainment in wringing exasperation from him.

It is not like Konstantin to be late.

Ravage has waited for nearly an hour past their agreed meeting time, lurking in the shadows outside a Roman cathedral, his deflectors keeping him invisible to passing eyes. 

Something’s gone wrong. Too much time has passed. Ravage would have given up and left, except that this operation is too important. He cannot report back until he knows for certain that Aaron Peel’s weapon has fallen into the correct hands.

He is debating throwing caution to the winds and going to sniff out Konstantin himself, though, when the man finally appears.

“You took your time,” Ravage growls, flickering into visibility and making no secret of his impatience. “I hope you at least have good news for me.”

“The best,” Konstantin assures him, but his smile does not quite reach his eyes. “Aaron Peel is dead, and we have successfully confiscated his weapon before he could sell it off. Sorry it took me so long, I was -- held up.”

And despite his outwardly calm, amicable air, Ravage instantly smells something jarring and distinct. Guilt. It is an emotion ill-suited to Konstantin, and Ravage can’t imagine what might have caused it. Unless --

“Where is Villanelle?” he asks slowly, and he knows his guess is correct the moment Konstantin’s expression falters. 

“Ah. She is... gone. We have parted ways, for the time being.”

Well. It’s not dead, at least, but Ravage can also tell it’s not the whole story. But instead of calling Konstantin out, he merely stands there in silence, his optics glowing with the silent indignity of the transparent lie by omission.

And whatever actually happened must be itching under Konstantin’s skin, because it doesn’t take him long at all to crumple. “...We perhaps withheld certain details about our part of the plan.”  Sensing Ravage’s incredulity, he quickly and defensively adds, “It had nothing to do with the Decepticons. Just -- our people. Our business.” 

“Evidently, she was supposed to be my partner. You don’t think that makes it my business?”

Konstantin is quiet for a while. Then he comes out with it, plain and simple,  “Carolyn Martens wanted her dead.”

Ravage processes that silently.

“The plan was that she would kill Aaron Peel, and then one of the Twelve’s other operatives would get rid of her. I tried to provide her with an escape, of course, but she... was not happy with me.”

“Shocking,” Ravage says disdainfully, and that’s when he places the emotion churning in his spark -- shock.  There had been many an occasion, amidst his and Villanelle’s endless banter, when they had compared handlers - Ravage being elusive when it came to details of his own, of course - but while Konstantin could certainly never hold a candle to Soundwave in Ravage’s opinion, he hadn’t anticipated... this. The strained, complicated love between Konstantin and Villanelle had been something, at least, perhaps enough to blind Ravage a little to the brutal way these things often go.

These people have no loyalty to each other after all, he thinks in disgust.

“Where is she now?” he hears himself ask without even fully knowing why.

“Gone.”   Konstantin’s eyes look sad, and Ravage, of course, can tell that he means it. “I told her to get out, but she would not leave Eve Polastri, and so...”

It would be unbefitting to let Konstantin have a read on him now, so Ravage suppresses the hiss of frustration he wants to let out. Always Eve Polastri. Ravage cannot understand Villanelle’s reckless obsession, her willingness to compromise everything else, for the supposed agent of the enemy who once nearly killed her.  It is irrationality almost unparalleled to everything else he has seen in his millions of years. For that, he might have sardonically congratulated her, had the stakes been different. “They’ll get themselves killed.”

“Or one of them will kill the other,” Konstantin suggests grimly. His eyes are lost, and he still stinks of regret.  “I think... Villanelle is misreading the situation.”

That wouldn’t be anything new, but Ravage bites back the retort and stews silently until Konstantin asks,  “What will you do now, Ravage?”

Ravage resents him for asking, and resents even more that his answer is less immediate than it should be. “Stick to the plan and report back,” he says finally, prowling towards the mouth of the alley. He wants to add something more biting, maybe tell Konstantin that he will be requesting to work with someone else in the future, but that would be -- overly sentimental. So he doesn’t.

“Ravage,” Konstantin calls after him.  “I did not want it to be this way.  But orders are orders. You know this as well as anyone.”

He does, of course. And it’s an excuse he’s starting to get sick of hearing.

---

Once he has briefed Soundwave, Ravage finds himself... disconcertingly conflicted. Soundwave tells him to lay low for the time being - until the ripples caused by Peel’s death die down - which is easy enough. But it also leaves him with too much free time. Ravage would like to feel efficient. He would not like to be left alone with his thoughts. It might end with him doing something embarrassingly reckless.

Like tracking down Villanelle. Which he inevitably does.

On one hand, he rationalizes, she is a loose end, a rogue agent formerly associated with an organization allied with the Decepticons, and thus at the very least worth checking up on. But Ravage has tried never to make a habit to lie to himself, and he knows it’s not only that.

For better or for worse - whether it’s a weakness or a precious remnant of a more righteous cause that he ought to sink his claws into and never, ever let go of - Ravage has a habit of doing the right thing when he can afford to. Not that war affords him the luxury very often any more, but perhaps that only means it’s all the more important to try when he can.

And so. Here he is. 

He knocks down a vase that looks like it might be the most expensive fixture in this hotel room to announce his presence, taking momentary satisfaction in the way it hits the ground and shatters into several pieces.  And of course, it has the effect he intended:  Villanelle is up off the bed and alert within a second’s reaction time, weapon in hand, scanning the room in search of the source of the noise.

Before he reveals himself, Ravage takes a moment to observe her. She looks... tired. A little more disheveled than she usually does.  Both of these things, he notes, are oddities, and when he tries to get a read on her emotional state he finds her even more difficult than usual. It’s a difficult thing to explain, but Villanelle’s emotions do not have quite the same scent as most sentient beings’. Like she gets different flavors of sad, or angry, or elated, than everyone else does. Ravage has been around her long enough that he can sometimes puzzle her out anyway, but today he finds her irritatingly contradictory.

“I thought you’d be used to me breaking your things by now,” he growls smoothly, uncloaking.

Villanelle narrows her eyes in recognition, and after a moment, she lowers the gun.  But it takes her a while to say anything, and when she does, it’s not a sharp, cheery quip like usual.  “What do you want?”

“Your employers didn’t send me, if that’s what you’re worried about.”  Ravage pauses. “Konstantin said you’d left.”

“Yup.”  Villanelle pops the ‘p’ and sits down on the edge of the bed, already making a point of looking disinterested in the conversation.  “So what? Haven’t you ever thought about leaving your people? It must get boring, after thousands of years.”

“Millions,” Ravage corrects her not for the first time, pausing.  “And no.”

He thinks of Megatron with a quiet ache in his spark.

“Why not?”

“My handler has never once conspired to leave me for dead, for one thing.”

Villanelle huffs in exaggerated disbelief.  “I guess he really was better after all.” But the joke feels almost inappropriately hollow, and Ravage doesn’t deign to comment on it. It’s a moment before Villanelle continues,  “He says he did it to protect his family. Can you believe that?  With that little gremlin daughter of his shaving years off his life.” 

Konstantin hadn’t mentioned that part. Ravage’s optics glow faintly in the dim light. He can admit to himself, easily, that he would have done the same for Soundwave and the cassettes.

And yet... he’d had the impression that Konstantin and Villanelle were whatever passed for human family.

He watches her lie back on the bed and stare at the ceiling, her expression blank, devoid of anger or grief. But there is something uncharacteristically somber and still about her now, nonetheless. Ravage almost finds it disconcerting.

“He also said you left with the MI-6 agent,” he continues after a moment.  “Where is she?”  Because he can’t catch Eve’s scent anywhere in the hotel room -- as far as he can discern, Villanelle is alone.

And this time, her reaction is noticeable. Her arms wrap around herself, and her nails dig pointedly into her side. Ravage doesn’t know much about human flesh, but he figures that has to be painful. Abruptly, Villanelle turns over on her stomach, facing him, her legs dangling limply behind her.  “Ravage?”

He’s going to take that as a  ‘he’s not going to get much information out of her just now’.  “What?”

“Can you tell me what love feels like?”

Ravage briefly forgets to hide his surprise.  It’s an odd, straightforward, vulnerable question, coming from her of all people.  He hesitates, considering for a long while.  “No.”  Villanelle’s eyes dim slightly, and he continues,  “It’s not something you explain. It’s just something you know, when you feel it.”

Perhaps 25 years - or whatever ridiculously young age she is; Ravage can scarcely keep track - is too short a time to feel anything as powerful and complicated as love. Perhaps humans have to spend their whole lives trying.

Villanelle shifts, another question bubbling up.  “Then can you tell me what...  regret feels like?”

Ravage is silent for another moment.   “What’s happened, Villanelle?”

Villanelle stares at him. Then she sighs and rolls over again, spread out, eternally dramatic.  “You are noooot being very helpful. Why did you even come here to find me, if you are not going to kill me, and you are not going to answer any of my questions?”

“Because I don’t think you’d understand, if I told you why I was really here.”  Ravage flicks his tail behind him once, and then settles into a careful crouch, still watching her. Debating. “...Regret is not always the all-consuming force of nature people like to make it out to be.”

To show she’s paying attention, Villanelle sits up a little.

“Sometimes it’s small, and feeble. Sometimes you don’t even realize it’s there. And sometimes you do, but you know it won’t change anything, so you push it down and away where it can’t be a bother.”  Again -- Ravage will not lie to himself, will not say he has not known regret after regret in millennia of brutality. But there’s no shame in that. Not when he hasn’t allowed himself to falter, either.   Unbidden, Megatron comes to his mind again. “...But even when you do, it doesn’t mean it can’t eat away with you. Slowly, over time. I’ve seen it hollow people out with empty spaces.”

Villanelle breathes out slowly.  “I am already all empty spaces. Maybe that’s why I can’t feel it.”

Ravage takes a long time choosing the words to respond to that.  “I think you don’t know very much about yourself.”

Villanelle doesn’t agree, and she doesn’t object.  She just keeps staring at the ceiling, and they share their silence, and that feels empty, too.  “Will you stay?” she asks after stretch of this.

“For a little while,” Ravage agrees, because he’s already made up his mind.

Villanelle doesn’t ask him why, and he doesn’t tell her, and perhaps it’s easier for both of them that way.

[naturegirl16]

Lacrosse Girl

Summary: The reader is a girl who wants to play lacrosse at Beacon Hills.  Since there is no girls’ team, the boys’ team is her only option. Coach has a couple of rules but let’s her try out anyway.

Pairing: Stiles x Reader

Word Count: just over 1300

A/N: set in season 4 when the deadpool is first introduced; part 2

I took a deep breath and ran onto the field.

I’d talked about this with Coach so he knew I was going to be late.  He wasn’t happy about it, but he knew.  I don’t really think he wanted me on the team in the first place.

“You want to-“ he trailed off with a sharp laugh.

I crossed my arms and glared a little.  It’s not a laughable request.  I want to play lacrosse and we don’t have a girls’ team.

“You want to-“  He tried again but still laughed.

“Try out for the guys’ team,” I finished.  “Yes,” I snapped.

He was taken aback but at least he stopped laughing.  He crossed his arms and looked down at me.

“You get one chance,” he said.

“That’s all I need,” I said with a smile.  “Thank you.”

“But,” he started.  “There are some rules you have to follow.  I don’t want the guys going easy on you.  You show up after warm ups and you don’t take your helmet off until the practice is completely over.”

I nodded.  I could do that.  I could do anything as long as I get a shot.

“3:20 tomorrow afternoon,” he said with a nod.  He then lifted his whistle to his lips and blew it hard.  “Now get out of my office.”

“Thank you,” I called as I hurried out of the room.  I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize my shot.

I grunted when I ran into someone outside of the office.

“Sorry.”

I looked up at the person and saw that it was Stiles.  I’d seen him around school before.  He was a little bit of an awkward person but he made awkward cute.

“Here,” he said, quickly grabbing my notebook, which had fallen to the ground.  He handed it back to me with a little smile.

“Thanks Stiles,” I said with a smile.  “And sorry for running into you.”

“Yeah…uh…no…no problem,” he stuttered out, scratching the back of his neck.

I smiled again and walked down the hall.

Back to present day though. Try outs day.

I stopped at the back of the line.  They were lining up for shots at the goal.

I gripped my stick and waited.  This was it. I had to make it.

When it was finally my turn, I grabbed the ball and dug my toes into the ground.  I took a breath before taking five running steps forward. I dodged the first defender by taking a step to the side and turning out of reach.  The next one was a little harder in that I had to take a few steps to the side to avoid his stick and then turn.  I then launched the ball at the goalie and it went right past his shoulder.

I couldn’t stop the smile.

Try outs were pretty much the same after that.  I was able to make a lot of goals and when I had a turn at defending, I was actually able to stop quite a few goals.  I even had a turn at goalie and, not to brag or anything but, there were very few goals.

A few of the guys tried to talk to me, most of them just wanting to congratulate me but one or two wanting to give me awful tips or to tell me I sucked.

But, finally, Coach blew the whistle.

“That’s it,” he called. “Go take a shower.  You all stink.”

I jogged over to the bench and finally pulled off my helmet.  I fluffed my hair and pushed it out of my face.

I was pretty sure I made it.

I could feel eyes on me.

I turned around and saw that the entire team was staring at me, jaws dropped open.  The people in the stands were starring too.

I just smiled and grabbed my stuff, heading off towards my car.

I was throwing my stuff in the backseat when I heard the crunch of gravel under shoes.  I turned to see Stiles running over.

I raised my eyebrows and waited while he put his hands on his knees and caught his breath.

I could feel my heart beating just a little bit faster.  Hopefully the blush on my cheeks just looked like I was tired from practice.

See, I have a crush on Stiles.  I have since I first got to this school at the beginning of the school year, nearly four and a half months ago.

It’s everyone’s first day.  No one knows where their locker is or their classes.  Other people won’t have friends in class yet.  No one will know who to sit with at lunch.

Right?

I sighed and climbed out of the car.  I shut the door, locked it and headed inside.

I found my locker fairly easily.  I put my books in it and took a breath before shutting it.

My first class of the day was Chemistry.  I actually liked Chemistry a lot so I was hoping it would be a good class.

I chose a seat at a table by the window.  Not many people were in class yet but then again class doesn’t start for at least five minutes.

I doodled until everyone came in.

“Settle down, settle down,” the teacher said in a monotone voice. Great.  The first class of the day and I would totally fall asleep every day. “Hopefully you did your summer homework because we have a pop quiz.”

Everyone was groaning as he passed out the quizzes.  I was done within minutes.  It was easy.

I went back to doodling.

Once he collected the quizzes, he fingered through them briefly.

“Hey,” a voice whispered.

I turned around and saw that a guy was leaning over.  He had pale skin, a buzzcut and warm brown eyes. He was giving me this half smile, half smirk that made my heart swoon.  I hoped the blush wasn’t evident.

“You’re new, right?”

I nodded a little with a blush.  I know it was evident this time.

“Maybe I could-“

He was cut off when the teacher practically yelled, “Stilinski!”

The boy, Stilinski, fell off the stool, landing at my feet. My eyes widened but he was quick to scramble up and brush himself off.

“Leave your hormonal teenage ways at the door.  This is Chemistry class.  Flirt in the hallway.”

I blushed again and turned back to the front of the classroom.

From then on, I haven’t really been able to forget about Stiles.  But he’s never really talked much more.  I told him my name.  He helped me find a couple classes.  We talk in the classes we have, like Chemistry, English and Math, but only about school.

“You’re…really good,” he panted with a smile, glancing up.

I smiled.  “Thanks Stiles.  You’re pretty good too.”

He straightened up with a little frown.  “I suck.”

I laughed a little.  “You do not suck.”

“I do.”

I paused and licked my lips.  Was I really going to do this?  Apparently, I was.  “Maybe I could help,” I offered.

“You want to help me?” He looked so confused.

“Why not?” I asked with yet another laugh and a shrug.  “Are you free Saturday?”

“I…yes.  Yes,” he said with a nod.

I tried to hide my smile at that.  “Then I’ll meet you here, say, nine?”

“Yes,” he said, nodding again.  “I will….I will definitely be there.”

I smiled.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yep.  Yes, you will.  Uh….in class, I mean.  And on the field, I guess, too.”  He looked nervous, scratching the back of his neck.

“Bye,” I said with a smile.

He waved before walking back towards the field.  As I drove off, I saw him talking to Scott.  They were both laughing about something.

I swallowed and focused on driving.  They weren’t laughing about me.  They wouldn’t.

[christsbride]

COVID-19 Seems To Prove Cessationism

Cessationsim is the idea that more tangible, visible, gifts of The Holy Spirit are no longer given to believers.  That, after the completion of scripture, they are only reserved, by God, as He sees fit to use.  The outbreak of COVID-19 seems to discredit just about all those who claim to have these such gifts.  We will look at two predominate gifts, The Gift of Prophesy and the Gift of Healing, in the season of COVID-19.

The Gift of Prophesy

The Greek word translated “prophesying” or “prophecy” in both passages properly means:  to “speak forth” or declare the divine will, to interpret the purposes of God, or to make known in any way the truth of God.  Predictive prophesy has been used in scripture on several occasions, most notably, all the prophecies about the coming messiah. But false prophesying and false prophets exist too.  Ezekiel 13:1-7 tells us they "prophesy out of their own imagination" and "who follow their own spirit and have seen nothing!.. Even though the Lord has not sentp them, they say, “The Lord declares,” and expect him to fulfill their words."  Brutal.

So, how can we know if someone is a true prophet of God or has the gift of prophesy?  

Numbers 12:6 makes it clear that God will prove him true and anything the prophet claims will be in perfect alignment with the nature and character of God and His will.  A true prophet does not validate himself, but will be validated by God.  If a prophet claims that they "decided" to become one, or was "appointed by man" to be one, they are false (1 Corinthians 12:11; John 5:31-33).  God alone decides who will speak for him and how (1 Samuel 19).  To validate them and their message, God empowered them to do miracles (Acts 14:3), BUT the miracles are not to be solely relied on but the consistency and unity of the message with God's nature, character, and will.  A false prophet will be known by their contradictions to Holy Scripture (Revelation 2:20-21).  Which is why they HATE being questioned or tested.  But, this also reveals them as false too because we are commanded, by God, to "test everything, hold on to the good.  Avoid every kind of evil" (1 Thessalonians 5:21-22) and "do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world." (1 John 4:1).  They WILL produce spiritual fruit, good or bad.  THEY will produce a fruit that is rotten and stinks of hypocrisy and contradictions.  A fruit of disunity with God's Word and will.  And we CAN see it if we look (Matthew 7:19-20). Thirdly, if the "prophesy" fails, the prophet is false.  That means if the claim falls short in ANY WAY, its a lie, and the person is a liar (Deuteronomy 18:20-22).  Signs and Wonders do NOT prove a prophet to be of God, even false prophets will be able to do them (Revelation 13:13-14; Matthew 7:22-23).  We also look at the examples in scripture.  They are specific.  Very specific locations, persons, events, in such detail, they are undeniably true.  Like, the birth place of the messiah, Micah 5:2.  The virgin birth, Isaiah 7:14.  Jesus' return from Egypt to Nazareth as a child, Hosea 11:1.  He will be betrayed by a friend for 30 pieces of silver! (Psalm 41:9; Zechariah 11:12). A prophesy will cut so deep that it will effect the spirit of the hearers.  We see all through scripture that true prophets were murdered because of the spiritual power of their words, from God.  Jesus even points this out in Matthew 23:37.  Jesus, himself, was murdered because his words are like a sword; and are divisive and offensive (Matthew 10:34-37).  And we can go on and on about the amazing details of these prophesies, HUNDREDS of years before the events. So, in keeping these four simple, biblical truths of discernment in mind, let's look at validated true prophets.

True Prophets and prophesies.

Moses spoke forth God's warnings about plagues (Exodus 9:14; 11:1; Leviticus 26:25).  Deuteronomy 28:59 is brutal: "Then the Lord will bring on you and your offspring extraordinary afflictions, afflictions severe and lasting, and sicknesses grievous and lasting."  Another predictive prophesy from Moses.  Ezekiel 14:21, Jeremiah 14:12, 19:8, 24:10, 49:17; 2 Chronicles 7:13, all predictive prophesy about plagues.  And there's more. All the prophesies about Jesus, fulfilled (see cited verses above). Isaiah prophesied in 700 BC that the Kingdom of Babylon will be overthrown and never recover (Isaiah 13:19).  This happened in 539 BC, and Babylon never recovered.  But, he didn't stop there.  He also revealed it would be reduced not nothing more than a swampland (Isaiah 14:23).  When archaeologists excavated Babylon during the 1800s, they discovered that some parts of the city could not be dug up because they were under a water table that had risen over the years. Ezekiel prophesied in 587 BC that the city of Tyre will be sacked AND that it will be completely destroyed, dissembled, and thrown into the sea (Ezekiel 26:12).  Alexander The Great, did exactly that.  He took the rubble from Tyre's mainland ruins and tossed it - stones, timber and soil - into the sea, to build the land bridge so he could attacked in 333-332 BC. By far, one of the greatest prophesies of all time; Daniel 9:25.  This gives the literal time frame from a certain point all the way to the appearance of The Messiah.  Beginning year of the prophesy is 444 BC.  Now, we must keep in mind that the Jewish prophetic year was composed of twelve 30 day months; that means the Jewish prophetic year had 360 days, not 365 days.  Daniel states 69 weeks of seven years each, and each year has 360 days, the equation is as follows: 69 x 7 x 360 = 173,880 days.  So, 173,880 days, or 476 years, from 444 BC brings us to... 33 AD... when Jesus publicly begins his ministry... Now THAT is a divine validation! So, there lies the issue.  IF the gift of prophesy is fully functional, the same way it was in the biblical era:

Did anyone prophesy the coming COVID-19 pandemic?

Here we have a Pastor, Marlon Bolton, of Praise Experience Church of North Lauderdale in Florida, claiming to have prophesied it "weeks before Chinese authorities even identified the novel coronavirus strain." then stated, "We prophesied about the stock market crashing. We even prophesied about the shortage of food in this season. Very accurate."  BUT, his "prophesy" accompanied a call for donations and the heretical "Seed donations" idea.  He then said God showed him that seven plagues are "destined for our land.  If you give seed offerings, I believe you'll be covered for these plagues," There are other really wild heretical things he does too [1, 2]. So, how do we know this guy is a false prophet?  He's greedy (2 Corinthians 2:17, Titus 1:7, 1 Timothy 3:3) and demands money in exchange for "spiritual blessings" (1 Corinthians 3:5-7, 1 Corinthians 4:6-7, Acts 8:18-23).  And, his nonspecific simple "claim" has been exposed as false.  The stock market didn't crash, in fact, it is still higher than it was 5 years ago.  There isn't a shortage of food really, I can go into Walmart, today, right now, and buy food.  I may be limited to how much I can purchase at one time, but food is there for me to buy.  Then comes the "seven plagues that are destined for our land."  Time will tell how true this is but given all the evidence, his disunity with God's nature and character and poor accuracy reveals he is false when tested. Then, you have the biggest heretic and fraud of our time, Kenneth Copeland.  Prophesying that the end of COVID-19 was a last week.  On April 2nd he stated: "It is finished. It is over. And the United States of America is healed and well again." [3]. Welp, that failed.  It is still spreading and people are still dying and today is April 11th.  But, he even gets more blasphemous.  He states: "In the name of Jesus, standing in the office of the prophet of God, I execute judgment on you COVID-19. I execute judgment on you, satan, you destroyer, you killer. You get out. I break your power. You get off this nation. I demand judgment on you. I demand. I demand."  That's a bold statement.  Let's test that against scripture.  "Yet Michael the archangel, when he was disputing with the Devil in a debate about Moses' body, did not dare bring an abusive condemnation against him but said, "The Lord rebuke you!" Jude 1:9.  Hu, so this authority is reserved for The Lord.  James 4:12 says "There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy." and Psalm 50:6 "The heavens declare his righteousness, for God himself is judge! Selah"  And I'm guessing that ONE judge, isn't Kenneth.  He has ZERO authority to "execute judgment" on anything.  This narcissistic, self-idolatry, God's Word contradictions are the fruit of a false prophet.  Also, notice, he hates God's will and God's just judgements on the world through his creation, such as COVID-19.  So, he's a false prophet and heretic. Here's the deal, Time Magazine [5] and some psychic named Sylvia Browne [4] seemed to have just as effectively predicted COVID-19 as all those who claim to be receiving prophesies from God.  That brings shame on the name of the Lord.  That belittles the majesty of our Holy God.  Why are there no truly deep and detailed prophecies like the ones in the Bible, about COVID-19?  Simple answer:

The Gift of Prophesy and Office of Prophet are NOT functioning.

Because if they were, they failed miserably, invalidating themselves anyway.  When you test these prophesies and the prophets against God's Word, they fail.  There is a reason why their prophesies can not rise above the level of a atheist psychic... Okay, so the Gift of Prophesy and Office of Prophet are not functioning, as revealed by God's ordained will through COVID-19.  What about the Gift of Healing?  Why not just heal everyone sick?

The Gift of Healing

  The spiritual gift of healing is the supernatural manifestation of the Spirit of God that miraculously brings healing and deliverance from disease and/or infirmity (Matthew 4:24; 15:30; Acts 5:15-16; 28:8-9).  So what did true divine healing look like in the Bible? Jesus heals Peter's mother-in-law sick with a serious high fever (Luke 38:39).  Jesus heals Leprosy (Luke 5:12-14, 17:11-19).  Jesus heals people who are paralyzed (Luke 5:17-26, 7:1-10).  Jesus heals the blind (Matthew 9:27-31; Mark 8:22-26; John 9:1-12; Luke 11:14-23, 18:35-43).  Jesus instantly transforms physical deformities (Luke 6:6-11, 13:10-17, 22:50-51; John 5:1-15).  Jesus literally raised people from the dead (Luke 7:11-17; 8:40-42, 49-56; John 11:1-45). Now all that was done by Jesus.  But what did the Apostles, or those with the gift of healing do?    1 Corinthians 12:28 gives a progression of church maturity.  First, of course, the apostles, then prophets that speak fourth God's word because The Bible wasn't completed yet.  Then, the disciples of the Apostles, the teachers.  Miracles to validate the Apostles and prophets before the completion of scripture. Then, the gifts of healing, helping, church organizing and leading in all sorts or languages and cultures.  And then what?  That's it.  Everything is all set up, the church is made, Apostles are validated by God, and Holy Scripture written and complete. So, the Apostles, the selected few, went around and healed the sick (Luke 9:2-6; Mark 6:13; Acts 4:30, 5:16, 19:11-12, 28:7-9) But not just the "sick," these dudes were raising the DEAD and instantly curing obvious physical deformities and undeniable physical conditions! (Matthew 10:8; Acts 3:1-10, 8:7, 9:36-41, 14:8-10, 20:9-12).  It is important to first note that Matthew 10:1, Jesus only gives this "authority" to heal, to only his closest disciples.  1 Corinthians 12:9,30 also shows that gifts of healing were not given to everyone.  But do you notice something:  only the Apostles are described as doing all these healings, even stated in Acts 5:12: "by the hands of the apostles were many signs and wonders..."  And again, in Acts 8:18: "saw that through laying on of the apostles' hands the Holy Ghost was given."  Then, in the writings of the Disciples of the Apostles, such as Clement of Rome, Papias, and the authentic writings of Ignatius; they are not performing miraculous healings.  So, we can, in fact, conclude that the gift of healing was given only to a select few.  And after they passed away, we stop seeing people being raised from the dead and instant physical deformities and conditions being instantly healed. With the spread of COVID-19, Where did all the charismatic pastors with the gift of healing go? Why would they need to quarantine themselves?  The Apostles didn't.  They went TO the sick, not concerned about themselves becoming sick.  Why don't they, the modern healers, GO TO those who are sick with COVID-19 and heal them?  A prominent Northern California mega-church, Bethel Church, whose members believe their prayers heal the sick and raise the dead is advising the faithful to wash their hands, urging those who feel sick to stay home, canceling missionary trips and advising its faith healers to stay away from local hospitals [7].  And this quote from the church says it all: “Though we believe in a God who actively heals today, students are not being encouraged to visit healthcare settings at this time, and moreover, are taught that even under normal circumstances, they must receive permission from both the facility and the individual before engaging in prayer,”  Why are they not being encouraged to heal those in need?  The Apostles WENT TO WHERE the sick were if the sick weren't brought to them.  And WHY would they need "permission" to engage in prayer?  Who is their master, Bethel Church, or God? Even Bill Johnson has subtle contradictions in his own statement: “Many visit Redding weekly, hoping that God will touch them. I am happy to report that many leave well and whole,” Johnson wrote. “But many others leave in the same condition in which they came. I refuse to blame God for this, as though He has a purpose in their disease. While Jesus did not heal everyone alive in His time, He did heal everyone who came to Him. His is the only standard worth following.”  But, these people come to Jesus, through Bill Johnson, in faith, to be healed!  He flat out admits that his gift of healing, fails.  Is The Holy Spirit a failure?  No!  Therefore, their "gift" is not of the Holy Spirit, if it can fail.  Then, he says this: “Healing happens, but it’s foolish to take unnecessary risks with your health and the health of others,"  Hu, I guess the Apostles were foolish... Considering the predominate church that claims to have the gift of healing, Bethel Church in Redding California; you would think they would be healing their community.  Interestingly, As of April 9, 2020, there are a total of 19,472 positive cases and 541 deaths in California [9].  So... why aren't these 19,472 infected being healed and why aren't the 541 dead being raised back to life?   In their very own county, there are 24 confirmed cases [10].  18 people in isolation and 47 in quarantine, in their own region.  Can they not send just one of their elders with the gift of healing to go heal those people?  Apparently not. Either their [Bethel Church] Holy Spirit is weaker than in the times of the Apostles, or it's not the same thing.  God' doesn't change, Holy Scripture is our guide and test; therefore, it's not The Holy Spirit they claim to be "gifted" by.  In fact, their own gifts seem to be powerless against a REAL TRUE health issue such as COVID-19. Then we hear the excuse, "Well, there were things even the Apostles couldn't do" referring to Matthew 17:16.  But, Jesus didn't say they couldn't.  Jesus first rebuked them for the lack of faith, and then flat out tells the Apostles it was due to their lack of faith (Matthew 17:17, 20).  This sort of admission to justify why their gifts of healing fail is admitting they, themselves, don't have enough faith in their own gifts; laughable. The amazing amount of disunity and contradiction to God's Word; and it become more clear the more you compare their actions and claims to Holy Scripture.  God's use of COVID-19 is a clear judgement on all these prophets and healers and their devoted followers.  This seemingly "bad" virus is actually exposing the false prophets and false teachers.  God is using it to shine light and expose evil deeds.  And for those who continue in their faith in the false teachings and teachers, this is a judgment on them (Romans 1).

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[getseriouser]

20 THOUGHTS: Crows Dive with Pyke

NO-ONE likes waiting around 

Here we are, after a cracking crescendo to the end of the home and away season, where permutations and calculations saw an enthralling final eight set, and now we’ve got a week off.

The end of season bye came in not just because the AFLPA wanted more rest in-season for its union, but too the AFL saw an integrity issue with the final round and stars being rested.

Yet last Friday Essendon rested some of their players still, and from all appearances, with no disrespect to Hawthorn, West Coast rested all their team too, so what’s the point Gil?

Ah well, get in the garden, Father’s Day as well, it’ll be Thursday night in Perth before you know it. We hope.

 1.       Bit of a mixed bag this week, no footy for the last weekend in August, we’re a bit lost, but let’s start with West Coast. Last three games against good teams they’ve lost now. And two of those games were at home, the narrow loss to a then spluttering Collingwood and then one out of the box to a Hawthorn team who finished ninth. Not the kind of form you’d want in attempting to defend your title, especially when it now requires four wins to do it.

2.       So some still pick West Coast to go all the way, based on what we know about their best footy. But we must realise it’s less about the talent and some about the path there. To win the whole thing, weeks two through four would mean either three wins in Melbourne against Geelong or Collingwood, then Richmond, then Geelong or Collingwood, or, week three might be in Brisbane followed up by Richmond the week after. For a team that served that up against the Hawks, when top four was on the line, they ain’t doing any of that.

3.       Brisbane has a tough assignment too. One point win over Geelong at home and then Richmond was always comfy despite the stats and the margin. So first week is no gimme, but do that they’d earn a home prelim against Geelong or Collingwood, maybe West Coast, before copping Richmond at the MCG again most likely. Somewhat plausible but I don’t see three wins in them. If they lose first week they’re done and dusted, especially if the Tigers can beat them up there, they’d be cactus if they come down and play them again, or a hot Cats or Pies, down here.

4.       Just a random one, you know you’re talking to a Victorian, South Australian or Western Australian when they speak about the speed of the wind prevailing in a measurement of goals. “Hey, go put some washing on, it’s about a four-goal breeze out there”. Love it.

5.       The Pies looked really nice against the Crows, but it was the Crows and we’ll get to them. Aside from that, awful when it mattered against the Giants, not on the Tigers’ level and the Bombers win was unconvincing. If you back them in it’s on potential but the evidence on form is still a massive question mark.

6.       Mind you, overall, the Maggies are 7-4 against fellow top eight teams, which ranks first, the Cats are 5-3, Tigers are 5-4. Both the Eagles and Lions are only 4-4.

7.       I know this might not be the best version of the Giants we’ve seen the last four or so years, but geez they’ve been stiff. Could argue in 2017 and 2018 they were the second best team in it, only narrowly beaten by the eventual premier in the prelim. Too, they lost Cal Ward in the Dogs prelim early and Dylan Shiel in the Tigers prelim as well, so bit of sliding doors then who knows? Last year, narrow loss to the Pies in a semi-final. So in reality, whilst Cameron cops it for his record, the GWS really have been mighty close.

8.       Gee Chris Scott keeps banging on about venues. Let’s be clear. Last five years Geelong has had 11 home games at the MCG, outside of finals. You’d think going by his rhetoric they’re an 11-home games a year team down the highway. If it’s good to host home games there during the year, I don’t think you can labour the specific.

9.       Further, oh, it’s the Pies home ground, well yes that’s true. But in terms of home ground advantage, 100% of Geelong home games at GHMBA are home games, they are its only tenant, whereas only 57% of Collingwood home games at the MCG are true home games, the other 43% are against fellow-MCG tenants, neutral games in essence. For Victorian teams, there’s hardly any home ground these days anywhere, no advantage to be captured during the home and away, unless you’re Geelong of course.

10.   Don Pyke might be in the gun. Two schools of thought. First, it’s not yet two years since they played in a Grand Final. Furthermore, he has two years to run on a contract. But. Second school of thought, which I starting to subscribe to, is that despite all of that in his favour, has he ever regained the players properly since the 2018 pre-season? Have they looked any good since the 2017 granny? Think about the last two weeks, with finals implications on the line, they’ve looked putrid. The last Showdown is telling too, Port hammered them by ten goals no less. We may let him go into 2020 but then see more of the same and the decision makes itself. So if that looms, might as well act now and get the restart that playing group obviously needs.

11.   And also, Adelaide, by far the oldest list in the comp as well, so when you’re finishing 11th with that hanging over your head, lots needs to happen. Lots.

12.   If the Suns get handed pick two as a concession that’s a farce. It would firstly not be an objective reaction to assessing their situation, but secondly it would be not only incredibly overs for a club that doesn’t deserve, nor do well with drafting and development of players anyway, but it would be a contrived result based on a specific regards the upcoming draft pool. The top two standouts this year are two best mates from Melbourne, Noah Anderson and Matty Rowell. Both go to school at Carey, both in the Oakleigh Chargers program, both elite midfielders with different skillsets that as a package deal, as best mates, look immense. So for the AFL to deliberately land, potentially, on a concession to hand them pick 2, so they can grab both boys in the hope they are more likely to stay up there because they’re with each other, just stinks. Would hate it.

13.   Speaking of the Suns, they say they got over 7,000 to the Suns-Giants game on the weekend. No chance. No more than 3,000 paying attended, tops, with a couple thousand freebies chucked in for good measure. Poor Stuey Dew, will likely be 1-10 or 2-9 by the bye next year, and we’ll still have no strong answer to the question ‘is he a good coach?’ or not. For all we know he is Van Gogh without any access to paint.

14.   Steve Coniglio re-signs for seven years. That wouldn’t happen at the Suns. If he was on the Gold Coast he could be lured elsewhere for a can of Sprite and a Curly Wurly. But taken unders to stay in Sydney, speaks volumes of getting that franchise right, and embedded. Big difference to the Gold Coast where Jack Martin was so eager to tell the club he was leaving he almost told the runner Saturday night.

15.   And with all this trade stuff heating up, my Lord, how many numpties now throw darts at anything or have five bucks each way on every horse in the race, then letting us all know about it when a couple of the tickets in their pocket are winning ones? Its bad journalism. You know what we should demand in footy media? You know what proper trade-breaking, player movement coverage looks like? One word. “Woj”.

16.   Like this one – a leading psychologist (as opposed to those back of the peloton, off the street psychologists that are never quoted) has said that “not keeping score in junior sport is part of the ‘wuss-fication’ of an entire generation, with young kids not learning how to be resilient”. Knock me down with a feather, halle-bloody-lujah!

17.   All-Australian tonight, my team will be somewhere, but also the Rising Star is soon as well. Could google when it is but I’m not bothered, and we know Sam Walsh just wins, will be a gem for that club. My 5-4-3-2-1 if I was voting, if I’m honest: 5-Connor Rozee, 4-Sam Walsh, 3-Sydney Stack, 2-Cameron Zurhaar, 1-Mitchell Lewis. No judge will do anything like that, but that doesn’t make them right. I think Walsh is a gun but I just think Rozee is a special, special talent Victorians don’t appreciate enough. Zurhaar is a beast and helped win North two or three games by himself, and Lewis is the Hawks’ Roughy replacement, as a 20-year-old – yeah I’d be happy with that.

18.   Why are we naming an All-Australian squad of 40 the week of the final 22 being announced? Makes no sense at all. Why stop there? Why not name a 60-man shortlist then, last week? A top 100 after Round 16. Or, maybe after each Round, Hunger Games-style, tell us five blokes definitely not making the All-Australian. Or, maybe just maybe, we don’t worry about all of that and just tell us the team on the night? Don’t know. Maybe too radical.

19.   Legends game this Friday night, and its AFLX which caused a massive stink. Hate to say it though, it might, might, actually be better. Think about it, all AFLX really is, is on a smaller ground, doesn’t need tackling and the ball moves around quicker. Sounds like the perfect ingredients for older blokes who aren’t keen on amassing big GPS numbers on a standard-sized oval. Don’t like AFLX at all for normal players, but for the legends, made for TV, for charity, I think it maybe works out for the best?

20.   In this bye week I’m allowed – want to give a shout out to Roy Laird. Who? Last weekend he coached his 357th and final game for Central District in the SANFL after 17 seasons. He coached the Doggies to seven premierships and two runners up, the only success for Centrals in their history, won 22 of the 30 finals he coached and finishes with a 66% winning record. Freak. It’s been too long to get Centrals into this column so this week, we say well done and good luck to one of the greatest coaches the SANFL, and footy in general, has seen.

[thomasreedtn]

Garden Update: The Good, The Bad, and the Undetermined

Despite last week’s heatwave into the mid-nineties, which we had not reached all Summer, signs of Autumn continue to reveal themselves. A cool breeze here, crunchy leaves there, along with more squirrel activity than I’ve seen since Spring.

It’s also the start of Fall bulb planting season, and — since CPL (crazy plant lady) ordered those bulbs before what turned out to be a slightly dislocated rib causing all the neck and upper chest pain — I’ve got a lot of bulbs to plant. Not the 1,000 I planted in Goshen in 2015, but 200+ daffodils, alliums, irises and fritillaria are nothing to sneeze at.

About those fritillaria …

I sure hope they’re worth it! I ordered them as groundhog, rabbit, vole and deer deterrents. If the flowers and leaves smell even half as potent as the bulbs, they might also become Laura deterrents. Oh. My. Skunks. Seriously, those bulbs smell like skunk times ten. They won’t make you sneeze, but they might make me gag. Crown imperials are so stately, though finicky, and fritillaria meleagris (the checkerboard droopy tulip looking things) look so dainty. Let me tell you, they don’t smell dainty! And that’s the point. I hope they keep groundhogs at bay as much as people claim they do, because Kalamazoo Kal appears to have found the front yard gardens.

I can’t prove it’s him. Yet. But I strongly suspect, because a) I’ve seen him right across the street, eyeing our front yard; b) a possum moved into his former home under the backyard shed; and c) something has had major kale munchies on the side of the driveway that Kal used to zip past on his way to and from the backyard:

That kale is in a pot between lemon time and day lilies, away from the rest of the edibles. I noticed evidence of kale poaching several weeks ago, but I didn’t really care, because that kale was puny compared to my femur length kale leaves tucked behind the weeping birch tree on the other side of the driveway.  It’s also too close for comfort to the neighbor’s septic tank, so I figured whatever wants to eat over there, have at it, as long as it keeps that critter away from the rest of the garden.

That might not have been the best plan. I think someone now has a fever for the flavor of lacinato. Last night, I got a warning as I sometimes do that I should protect my main crops of front yard kale. Instead of hustling out with deer repellent spray, I spent an hour and a half on the phone and then dove right back into novel preparation. Characters, mirror moments, structure, genre, how to do this, how to craft that. Very productive time, I might add!

Unfortunately, someone found the golden goose. A completely unprotected brassica heaven, without the eagle eye view from the dining room table. Whatever ate this kale came up on the house side and munched a lot of leaves at least two feet above the already raised bed. It could be a rabbit, but I do suspect it’s Kal, even though he’s been warned –repeatedly– that the forbidden side of our yard means a trap. Don’t make me do it, Kal.

It’s not terrible yet, but the house side has been seriously gnawed, and if this critter continues like it has with the sacrificial kale, we’re going to have a problem. I suspect Kal due to groundhog’s notorious love of kale, but also due to some interesting timing. I had just yesterday decided those fritillaria stink too much to plant them all. They’re expensive, so I didn’t want to throw them away. I offered quite a few to a friend, but today, I needed to skim the top of that offer in an effort to deter (and thus spare) my worthy adversary.

Several synchronous gifts followed. This friend reminded me about planting garlic, which I already have scheduled to do, but she sent me a site with perennial vegetables in case my sea kale seeds (which I misplaced) didn’t sprout. I’ve procured and not received sea kale several times this year, so hopefully the third time’s the charm. Someone in Kalamazoo offered me one as a gift, but they dropped off the radar as soon as I accepted. Other locations had run out of sea kale, and I have no idea where I put those seeds! I thought of taking a root division in Goshen, but it was sooooo hot and muggy the day I visited. I also at that point, thought I had a plant waiting for me in Kzoo.

In any case, thanks to my needing to explain why I was tweaking the number of fritillaria, I now have 2-3 sea kale root divisions, ramps, another rhubarb and one (that’s all you need!) Egyptian walking onion en route. So thank you, Karen! And thank you, critter, although I will specify right now that this sea kale is not the thank you. You can munch on the dandelions, the sacrificial kale, and be glad I haven’t asked the cat to spray.

Another synchronicity about this suspected Kal violation is that just this morning I got inspired to change both point of view and the protagonist/antagonist structure of my novel. I’m still brainstorming, but I had a major aha moment right before I discovered the early morning mischief. The breakthrough involves creating a surprisingly sympathetic villain protagonist who finds himself caring about his adversaries. How do I show that sort of thing? What does it feel like? What sort of emotions and conflict might that fuel? Enter Kal into my prized front yard garden. Even if it wasn’t him — but oh, you fat rascal, I know it was — the suspicion gave me great insights into character, conflict and motivation.

I walked to the nearby landscape store to get bulb fertilizer since I got my initial batch of 50 daffodils and a reblooming “Mother Earth” iris. While there, I ran into an edible gardener (gardener of edibles?) who actually offered me a groundhog solution besides, “Oh, you just have to trap them. That’s the only way.” “Here, let me show you what I use. It smells like vomit!” Sold! Actually, I did buy it and sprinkle it around the kale. I also sprayed the deer repellent around the edge of the garden. I wouldn’t put it in a perfume, but obviously, this guy has not experienced fritillaria!

Anyway, I got the bulb fertilizer so my daffodils actually bloom in the lawn’s poor soil, and I spent two hours planting eleven daffodils. I need to wait for some rain, or it’s going to be a long, slow Fall bulb season! Daffodils are the best gift you can give yourself, though, imho. One time planting brings decades of Spring cheer, and unlike tulips, nothing wants to eat them. I’ll view this batch first thing in the morning, as I open our bedroom curtains. The others will get scattered around the front and back yards, in spots that won’t get watered during regular garden season.

I also got the reblooming iris planted within easy view of the front window, and the root of a miniature aster by the mailbox volunteered to clone itself in a nearby spot, as well. You can see some of the current garden in bloom, along with newly planted beets and lettuce, and just imagine the deep purple aster and reblooming iris of I forget which color towards the right of this photo:

Speaking of asters, this one made it from Goshen! Once it finishes blooming, I will plant it out back by the shed, between the larkspur and clematis. In Goshen, this one grew to about four feet tall, so I look forward to prolific blooms next year:

All in all, the garden’s doing well. Two rhubarbs have established themselves in the 20-gallon Smart Pots out back, and today I noticed we even have a full sized strawberry trying to ripen before frost sets in:

The late Summer planted lettuce has finally taken off:

And a clematis who’d nearly given up the ghost before we moved in has recovered enough to bloom a second time this year:

So far, the kale muncher has left most of the collards alone:

And to top it all off, the shrub the former, former owner told us was a reblooming lilac is, in fact, blooming right now:

I have been so preoccupied with writing prep and sessions that I really have done very little in the garden of late. That will, of course, change as I plant the remaining 190+ flowering bulbs, garlic and perennial vegetables. Fortunately, my neck-rib-chest bizarre injury/initiation seems to have healed enough to get these babies in the ground. I get glimmers of how colorful the yard will be next year when this year’s newbies start coming into their own. With any good luck, those skunky fritillarias will do their deterring, while I do my writing, and Kal and I will continue this uneasy, yet somewhat comical dance of wills.

Wishing you and yours brilliant colors and abundant harvests — on whatever level!

          from Thomas Reed https://laurabruno.wordpress.com/2017/09/28/garden-update-the-good-the-bad-and-the-undetermined/