#everything's stressing me out... esp the college thing...

[storiesofsvu]

Okay, I just finished reading Classified Affair and I really needed a cute story with Ms. Dunber, maybe a story with a few chapters? Just kidding, unless someone accepts :)? Well yeah, but the thing is, this story really got me in so many different ways, you know, and you are a complete talent for being able to transform me into this emotional mess, and after reaching the end I can only thinking "Wow, a new story (because I've read everything you've written) would be great." I think it's amazing how it was possible to go from loving to hating to liking Heather again in the story, and it really makes me think how things would be if the way she acted in relation to the confession of love, if things had happened differently perhaps under different conditions, or with her knowing how to take the lead and solving things as it should. Dude, sorry for the monologue, lol, but I don't know, the story really touched me and nothing fairer than me sharing this with the person who made it. I just wanted to let out everything that made me feel this story, thank you for your time and sorry for anything.

hahahah yeah that one's a wild ride.

I currently don't have any requests for Heather. I've gone one tiny little WIP but it is a leftover from a holiday bingo last year so it won't be picked up til Nov/Dec. Feel free to take a look through some prompt lists and if something jumps out at you, send in a request or two! (i am no longer writing series, mini series or two parters though)

As for CA:

-first, thank you!

-second: there is a follow up series that takes place I think 7 years (and oh so much therapy) later where Heather's back in DC and slowly repairing her relationships.

-third: for CA I have this version of Heather in my head that is an alternate universe sort of era. There's a lot that goes into making her this twisted, toxic person that she is and that starts a very long time ago and is enforced by every big decision that she has to make in her life. This is gonna get long so it's going under a readmore and this is kinda my character study of her in this fic/universe i guess lol

i've toyed around with writing a prequel for this fic to explain why she is the way she is and it's basically this

-heather knew she wanted a successful career from the start, that she wanted a government job and wanted to get as high up (and thus powerful) as she could, esp if that meant a presidency. That's what she's been focused on since day one. She knows that she has a higher chance of being a better candidate if she has the picture perfect family, white picket fence and all. Even if it may not be what she wants. She marries her high school sweetheart, her first kid is meticulously planned and born in the gap between college and law school. her second was an earlier surprise and ends up being born while she's finishing law school. This leaves them living out of state with the help of house staff that she doesn't really know with the kids. I kinda also canon becca to have been a super needy baby that heather didn't know how to deal with, hence why she ends up high key resenting her as she grows up.

-So she's trapped into all of this from a very young age, she knows that in the long run it'll help with what she wants but in the moment, she kinda hates it and ships them off to boarding school as soon as she can to get some of the major stress out of her life. Because of course she has incredibly high standards for herself in all aspects of life and she feels like a failure of a mother.

-there are two major components of life that can turn people into worse people and those are power and money. Heather has had money all her life, and like, a fuck ton of family money that isn't going anywhere. She's likely already used to throwing money around to get what she wants and isn't used to being told no (and this comes up n one of the follow ups that it's a generational thing, her mom is just as bad as she is). With the power, you'll notice in CA that the closer she gets to that presidential spot, the more she starts to lose it. That's all she can see, she's blinded by it and only her career. She's watching her family fall apart around her, being served divorce papers, and she doesn't actually hit rock bottom until she's lost her job. That's when things start to come a little clearer for her.

-I explain this because: if you asked her (prior to all the therapy lol) she 100% did react properly to the reveal that yn had developed feelings. Heather went into every SB relationship with contracts, ndas and expectations. They knew she was marred and she both couldn't and wouldn't give that up to risk a try at something that might not work and would definitely damage her political image. She went extra hard on yn about it to create that clean break if yn wasn't able to get her shit together, so she wouldn't come crawling back, if that makes sense.

-by the time we meet heather in this story, she's just already toxic af. and she doesn't know right from wrong because she's been so wrapped up in her head and doing whatever she has to to get what she wants. she's so twisted that she doesn't even know herself by the end of it. AND let's not forget that somewhere along the way she's also likely having some kind of sexual identity crisis too lol.

-i have had some people say that they could see heather and yn working out if they worked through things, or that they *should* but i personally do believe that yn saw toxic and slowly figured out she wanted out, that there was no way to make it work even if heather wanted to. there would be so much to untangle considering heather legitimately owned her by that stage. everything important heather had bought. there was a HUGE power imbalance and financial imbalance and that's exactly why heather went for her in the first place. there could be some speculation that yn was the first girl heather *actually* had feelings for and that sparked an even bigger fire to the explosion because heather was even more confused at herself and didn't know how to untangle that web. she went back to her default of being mean. and i think in all three parts of the story that piece is never really figured out, heather's not sure. so that's left up to the readers interpretation

anyways, i don't know if that's the kind of response you wanted but that's what ive got for you lol. thank you for your kind words, i hope you're having a wonderful day!

no reason to apologize and always feel free to come scream in my inbox about my fics (especially ones like this lol)

[indigosabyss]

kay the last post got like. 23 notes. which is all a bitch w a hyperfixation needs to start infodumping about the nuances and minutia of crossovers and how to build them and what you'll get out of them.

*drumroll pls*

Fandom Fusion Crossovers: A Guide (Part 1)

In the first Breakdown, I touched upon Fandom Fusions as a concept. I realized that I was a bit too brief in retrospect, but that was because unlike the others, I have already worked through my love for these types of crossovers in stories longer than Moby Dick.

But, I'm here to rant into the void so lets give a quick definition, shall we?

Fandom Fusion is the type of crossover where the two stories exist side-by-side, the worlds slotting together with some overlap, but overall not interfering with each other. Until the plot of the fic kicks off.

The most interesting thing about this crossover is its potential for worldbuilding, and the way the power structures of both stories are balanced amongst each other. You need to make them belong together, create common threads, but also a degree of separation, and its not always easy to do that. Takes a lot of creativity.

I'll start with the 'making sure the worlds mesh' aspect first. Then maybe move onto the 'making the characters meet' aspect in another chapter.

Meshing & World-Building

There are a lot of different types of worlds, and genres. A common rule of thumb is that if you want a Fandom Fusion, the worlds should be in similar time periods, and both should exist in the same plane of reality. Generally, this means modern day Earth, but it can change.

With fantasy worlds, its a little tricky. Because all the worlds and continents have different names, which makes it pretty hard to do.

Or, you could simply not care for canon and worldbuilding and just have the characters hanging out together. (I cannot do that, it makes me break out in stress hives) In fact, the fic that started off the MordeTwi ship meme was this type of crossover. There isn't a reason for a humanoid bird to be in a world filled with the talking ponies, but there he was. No one cared. Do that, if you want. Fanfiction is anarchy, my dude.

If you do want to stress about it, here's some examples and vague combinations of genres.

Contemporary w/ Contemporary By 'contemporary' I mean showing people in their regular lives. Going to high school and college and doing regular jobs, with no major worldwide repercussions. The biggest problem w this is the geographical element of your worlds, and how the characters are supposed to meet. I will be going into this later. Otherwise, its easy to believe that these two stories happened at the same time. Don't really have much to add on this from a purely worldbuilding standpoint??

Celebrity w/ Contemporary or Celebrity By 'celebrity', I mean stories about the rich or famous or talented. Everything from athletes to actors are included in this. I personally classify it as a different style because it would require different worldbuilding. Esp if you're meshing together two different high-profile fields. From personal tastes, I will point out Yuri! on ice x Sk8 the Infinity crossovers. The similarities between the two are striking. One is about skateboarding, the other is figure skating. Parallels are drawn, but the characters have yet to meet. The geographical element with such crossovers is slightly lessened, because at least one party has the ability to travel easily.

Fantasy w/ Fantasy Here's where it gets interesting. You need to make the magic systems and lore compatible. They tend to line up alright, but best to keep an open mind. As an example, think of an Artemis Fowl and PJO crossover. The faerie would be considered spirits of folklore like any other. The Mist can be excused as weak around them because of a feud between the faerie and more powerful beings, which is why they are more at risk from being seen. Simple explanations like that which add on to the history of this shared world you've made.

Fantasy w/ Contemporary (or Celebrity?) These are always fun. Not only is there no tricky magic systems to shove together, but you also need to make sure that the normal-world's stakes are felt as heavily as the stakes from the magic-world story. Both of their problems should feel equally real and important to the reader. Depending on the type of fantasy series you're using, the geographic element and communication problem could be easier or harder to navigate, and a close eye should be kept on the interests and themes and motifs connected to each character to draw comparisons of them and have them meet characters from the other world.

There's a lot more I wish I could say. Maybe this would be easier w a graphical element? I can't draw very well but tell me if I should sketch something out if you're a visual learner and are trying to figure out wtf I'm trying to say.

My brain is hardwired to associate things with each other lol so if you want me to connect fandoms together fusion style, just... put the two fandoms in my ask box and I'll give you something back.

I'm only doing the meshing aspect rn, and will move onto how exactly characters are supposed to meet and what plots tend to occur on a basic scale later. If anyone rlly wants to know lol. I just really really like the background creativity that goes into crossovers and I think more people should do them and want to give a jumping off point if you're planning a crossover? Then again, I might just want to talk about things that everyone already intuitively knows and no one even wanted this but whatever

If I get around to it, I will link part two here.

[celestie0]

hello, ellie! how have you been? hope everything’s going well in med school and life in general :)))

I’ve been quite busy with my classes and attending events and all. I never imagined college to be this socially draining (or maybe it’s bc I prefer being locked up in my room lmao). anyway, I have a test on anatomy stuff on tues so I got reminded of you. pls I had a mental breakdown while I was reviewing because how tf do people memorize this 😭 huge shout out to you and all the med students out there fr. I’m here stressing over something that doesn’t even amount to a fraction of what you guys study this is so embarrassing 😭😭

screaming crying perfect storms

- 🫶 anon

p.s. I can’t wait to read your new gojo fic!! boxer!gojo sounds so scrumptious 😋😚

hi my love!! so nice to hear from youu <3 i'm doing ok, things have picked up at school which has been tough but at the same time, i'm kinda finding a flow n study schedule that's working for me :)

ouf i feel u, i am massive introvert and it's tufff being social at school, esp bc you've got academic things to worry ab too. hope you did well on your anatomy exam!! and LOL girl it's ok undergrad in general is rough, i struggled sm which some of my lower division courses haha (ochem murdered me)...best of luck to you! take it easy

[vaaaaaiolet]

eeeeek vivi gl on uni tmmw!!! kick its ass and slay every day!! sending u all the energy u need to survive from one uni student to the next!! Super super super happy n excited for you!! remember to take breaks between classes n not overwhelm yourself! If you can afford it, get yourself a little treat to keep yourself going when you do good on exams or other things!! small stressors build up into big stress so it's always good to weed out the small things so they don't build up <333 stem is esp hard so good luck!! you'll do super good trust trust trust (also feel free to drop by for college advice or questions abt college life i'm always here for u :3)

EEEEEEEEEE cress you're the best uni big sis ever i will be spamming you daily with everything THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

saving all your advice to my notes app omg. there's like zero time between my classes so i'll be running 24/7 :( but when i can i'll make sure to take it easy <333 maybe i should invest in one of those grandma electric scooters

LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH!!! stay safe and take care of yourself lovely YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!!! <33333

pretend i remembered to put this the first time around this is us

[simpjaes]

hiiii idk if you’ll see this, but i wish you lots of luck for your college semester!!!

it’s stressful and a very big transition whether it’s your first semester or a subsequent one. take care of yourself and still try your best to do things you enjoy!!! it really helps mentally. and just remember you’ll fall into a routine and find your way through no matter what 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽 I PROMISEEE 🩷

pls excuse me, im whining, ranting, and being selfish.

;-; thank you for these kinds words! I'm a junior but this is my first semester transferred to a large university. I can't help but feel so out of place and totally isolated on all fronts because of how dissociating and jarring the change is compared to my previous semesters elsewhere.

of course, i didn't go into it trying to compare the two, it just became violently obvious after only 15 minutes of being on campus lmfao. I have made friends and see familiar faces of friends but goddamn, i still feel so entirely isolated. Probably because i have zero time to do what I enjoy, and instead have to use all of my time doing things i enjoy for a grade and a degree.

sorry for yapping, im procrastinating with the assignment sitting right in front of me and semi-desperate for meaningless conversations about me bc everything is so outside of me rn LMFAKHFDSKJFHSDK not to sound like a stuck-up cunt lol.

the good news: i know i'll find my comfort zone and the free time i'll have within it. i just have a really hard time getting to that point because at the end of the day, i'm a homebody and masking is really exhausting.

i really appreciate you for the check in and nice words tho ;o; i don't think anyone understands how bad i need it rn. esp with my SO working third shift, i'm basically entirely alone when i get home ;-;

OK IM DONE CRYING SORRY kjfhdskjfdhsk

[twilightown]

No matter the current situation versus potential situation, there are going to be parts of a move that suck and are stressful. Especially so if it involves moving states. But just because Some parts are going to inevitably suck doesn't mean all of it is doomed to. I'm not sure where your current residence is, but one good thing about moving somewhere that has regular heatwaves is that there are more resources available when it comes to dealing with them. IK that sounds kinda silly but I feel like it's the truth, ESP when it comes to moving somewhere that gets a lot of tourists. I don't want to be an old man "it's not the heat, it's the humidity" but as a native Floridian I can't help but stress that it's the truth xD.

Leaving a support system does sound very scary, but if it is around Orlando/Lake Buena Vista that you want to move to, at least it should be within reasonable distance of an airport when it comes to calling for help or needing to fly out for some reason. Traffic is going to suck, but like the heat it's something you will get used to. This is a move people make a lot, and while that doesn't make it any easier, I hope it helps it feel like it's not so dumb and impossible. Another thing I want to include in this word wall is this: You're smart and an adult and I'm sure you don't need to be told that you're probably not going to get the exact position you want right away. It might be something you have to work up towards or have just a 'getting by' job until you do get your foot in the door or on the path to the door you wanna go through. It's gonna be hard and there are gonna be days in your happy place that aren't as happy and there are probably times you're gonna feel like it sucks. But sucky days aren't going to completely eliminate the possibility of good days. I believe in you and have all of my fingers and toes crossed that this is something that works out in your favor with as few hiccups as possible. The chances of there being no hiccups at all is really slim, but, I am still hoping and praying that things swing in your favor as much as they can.

I needed to hear all this today, thank u 🥰

You’re right, I hadn’t thought of the various resources for heat they’ve got. My previous college program, they were able to move me to nights or early mornings which was nice! I really enjoyed working those. Opening was a joy tbh. Closing was a joy as well.

That is the area - like a 20 mile range from WDW lol. The traffic is something I’m not as worried about because I did it in my programs and lawd my hometown has it worse.

I’m coming from a gentrified medium city on the Eastern seaboard that’s gotten too many incoming tourists for our infrastructure to handle. It’s bumper to bumper from 4:30 to 6 at cross sections because there’s only one or two major routes. Maddening.

You’re right about the airport. My town flies direct to MCO so that’ll be easy. (Just gotta solve the pets for trips back and forth…)

Absolutely, I’m expecting to have to network and work my way up. I’m going to apply for everything when the time is right and see what sticks. My husband will be able to find a job, EZPZ. I’ve got a nice resume and I’m planning to really make my LinkedIn page nice? Try to network on Disney’s alumni website too. See if I can find any work that’s $20+ with them. 🤷🏼‍♀️ If not, I’ll go executive assistant route or try the other theme park or teach. (In Florida? It’s lowest on my list.) Disney has multiple roles for me to use my education degree. Just, like you said, got to get my foot in the door

Thank u kind stranger. This is a large move. And it’s not impossible… But it is life changing. It’s not just me involved. Thinking about how much I love my current job (at the moment) is making me hesitate too. Idk, next years’s students may have me packing my bags.

Our plan is to move at the new year. Professional internships will have started if I need to go that route. I’ll have stayed a semester at my school, we’ll have Christmas goodbyes and enough money saved to pay everything we need to for the move. Just feels right.

[superfluouskeys]

Do you have any advice for someone who will be applying to grad school soon? I want to eventually get a PhD and teach, but it's so scary to think about organizing myself enough to do the applications and I also barely know where to begin. Any advice is welcome!!

Also p.s. i love your fics <3

Thank you so much!! I will try my best! Disclaimer: I only know how it is in the U.S., but I do have a fair amount of friends/acquaintances who have gone to grad school in various fields, so I think I have a pretty wide range of experiences to go off of besides my own.

BIG first thing: find programs that will either pay for your degree or otherwise offer you some kind of excellent financial aid situation. It is almost never worth it to get yourself into some kind of hellish student loan situation. If you want to teach there might be some kind of government forgiveness thing but even those can be unwieldy, so just watch out and stay on top of it.

But, going off of that, and this is just my personal opinion, but don't bother applying anywhere you don't actually want to go just because the money is good or it's prestigious or whatever. You're already going to be mildly miserable a lot of the time while doing your PhD, you might as well do it in a place you can tolerate. Figure out what's most important to your own success--for me, I absolutely have to like my professors or I will really struggle. Other considerations fall below this.

Someone will probably have a suggestion specific to your field for how many schools you should apply to to maximize your chances, so you can build a list of schools you're interested in based on that vague estimate to start looking into, but I also think there's something to be said for drawing the line at a certain point where it's not worth it, and you might be better off getting some kind of work experience for a year or two and then trying again. I actually applied to graduate school right out of college, which would have been a DISASTER if I had gone LOL.

BIG second thing, just based on my personal foibles, reach out to some professors/mentors/employers/whatever with whom you've had a good relationship in the past (if you haven't spoken recently), ask them how they're doing, and update them on what you've been up to and that you're thinking about pursuing your PhD. This is especially important if you've been out of school for awhile, but it's good to get into the habit of periodically touching base with professional contacts even if you're still in school. You're going to need letters of recommendation, AND you're going to keep needing references for various things, and it's good if you don't have to cold call people you haven't spoken to in a long time once you already need something.

Note that calling up esp. professors you haven't kept in touch with is usually fine! People generally want to help you! It will just make you feel less awkward if you've kept in touch ahead of time. It's great if the person has some connection to your field, but IMO it's better if the person just knows and likes you and can speak honestly to your merits.

I also personally had a huge issue just wrangling the people who agreed to write me letters of recommendation to like, do it, and use the website submission thing correctly, in time for the submission deadlines LOL, and I felt SO awkward reminding them about it but was also going INSANE as the deadlines approached. This was honestly one of the most stressful parts of the whole process for me, and you might find you want to apply for an internship or grant or something early on before you've really connected with your new profs and need these references AGAIN, so my advice is just try to get some people who are willing to help you lined up ASAP so perhaps you can avoid this particular nightmare. 2 minimum, but 3-5 is ideal.

As for organizing everything, it's definitely time-consuming, but there's also something kind of gratifying about it. When you go through the trouble of gathering together every mildly relevant or impressive thing you've ever done in your life, you'll be like, wow, I did some cool stuff actually :). Note that you never know what admissions will find interesting about you, so don't count anything out right off the bat--my school loved that I have a background in music, while my German degree continues to be pretty much irrelevant LOL. If you're still in or just out of school there's probably someone whose job it is to help you with e.g. how to put together a grad school resume or read over your personal essays or w/e, so definitely take advantage if that exists, but you can absolutely do it yourself if not, no sweat!

Though I would recommend finding someone, like maybe one of those past profs/mentors/etc. I mentioned, to look over your personal essays for you just so there's another pair of eyes on them. Personal essays were the SECOND most stressful part of the whole process for me because I HATE writing personal essays LOL! But having someone tell me what kind of narrative law schools are looking for helped me to refocus my writing and feel slightly less insane about it.

Finally, always remember, don't sell yourself short!! In any application process you want to play up your strengths and minimize your weaknesses, but don't hold yourself back based on the weakest points in your application. Apply for things you really want to do or that would be really beneficial for you even if you don't think you'll get them--you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and this applies to every aspect of your life btw!

I hope some of this was at least mildly helpful! I wish you all the best in your journey! Grad school is great and such a rewarding--

[soobnny]

hello! i just finished reading ur seungmin story - and WOW! 😭 what a lovely little rollercoaster! the personality u fit into this story with each character and the relationships between everyone was so sweet and charming. college bff seungmin is my favorite genre of seungmins :') and u've captured that essence so perfectly! ur descriptions of literally everything from the heartbreaks and misunderstandings and the beauty that both povs saw was so well written 🥹 keep up the amazing work!!

hello! this just made me day truly :’) esp u pointing out the characters n relationships between everyone. when i was writing this, i wanted it to feel real and ordinary and what college actually is with budgeting and groceries and laundry and stress !! i just wanted them to do ordinary things together and be in love

THANK YOU thank you again 🫶🫶

[dragonbornoflegend]

1. What is your nickname? 

my dad used to call me Sunshine. in hs/college i got called multiple variations of Stromboli lol. nowdays the bf just calls me any sort of endearing term that he thinks i wont enjoy 

2. When is your birthday?

october 22 

3. What was your longest relationship?

the current one, we're at 4.3yrs and ongoing 

4. What is your favorite book?

i haven't read them since the first time i did maybe a decade ago, so they may not hold up to time, but it used to be the Kingmaker, Kingbreaker series by Karen Miller 

5. What is something you're insecure about?

my everything abt me. lol

6. 5 Male celebrity crushes

Matthew Lillard, Jacob Wysocki, the entirety of the band Alesana, Steve Buscemi, Jon Moxley/Dean Ambrose 

7. 5 Female celebrity crushes

Rhea Ripley, Courtney LaPlante, Laura Jane Grace, Christina Tosi, Anjali Bhimani

8. What is your dream job?

farming dairy goats

9. What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?

i don't feel like ive done a lot. staying alive ig! 

10. What is a fact about you that nobody would believe?

hard to say. you should believe everything you hear about me unless it's something that's bad in an unsexy way 

11. What were your highs and lows for this last month?

highs include seeing some good bands live and getting to see some family that live out of town. lows include being severely depressed ig? idk if it's appropriate to just casually share lol. 

12. Where is somewhere you'd like to visit?

literally anywhere. i love to travel. i especially yearn for the sonoran desert after visiting it a few years ago 

13. How do you de-stress?

copious amounts of weed 

14. What are your favorite apps besides tumblr?

youtube and occasional spurts of pokemon go

15. Describe yourself in one sentence.

way worse in person 

16. What do you think makes you attractive?

according to prior statements from others, boobs. 

17. What is something you're really good at?

baking (allegedly) 

18. What is something you're really bad at?

singing. dancing. math. most things i try

19. A time that you told a lie. 

i tell lies literally all the time. i do not remember a single one off the top of my head for some reason 

20. What's a totally random and useless fact that you know?

the existence of the turnspit dog. they're extinct now but they're an incredibly old breed (that term being used very loosely here) of dog w short legs and long bodies that would run in giant hamster wheels that were attached to spits in pubs. to rotate the meats. there's some fascinating stuff abt them online imo 

21.Who knows you the best?

at risk of being a downer, the ppl in my life who have most deeply known and understood me have all died. next best is the bf ig 

22. What is your most prized possession?

i try not to value possessions too much. my most expensive possession is probably my van

23. What is your longest friendship?

my bestie w whom ive been rocking since middle school 💖

24. When did you first feel like an adult?

i still don't 

25. Do you/ Have you played any sports?

as a very young child i played soccer at my grandma's church. idk if that counts. 

26. How are you feeling right now?

tired. my joints hurt. 

27. Are you an early bird or a night owl?

left to my own devices i end up on a nocturnal schedule naturally. my current work schedule has forced me to become an early bird however. 

28. Do you believe in love at first sight?

not really 

29. Favorite song lyrics right now?

"would you remember Joan of Arc was her flesh yet unlit by flame?" 

30.What does self care look like for you?

scary hot shower + bunch of weed + decadent snacks + some enjoyable thing to watch 

31. Describe yourself with 3 singers.

im not sure i understand this question 

32. What makes you nervous?

literally everything. i am constantly and always thinking abt how literally any thing could be going disastrously wrong

33. What’s a pet peeve you have? 

ppl standing still in walkways, esp if it's crowded and they're actively blocking more ppl from being able to flow through

34. What will always make you cry?

the song Fade In / Fade Out by Nothing More 

35.What kind of first impression do you think you make on people?

socially stunted/awkward in a way that's just a tad unlikable 

Questions 1 - 35

that is SO cheating. you'll have to give me like a full workday to answer 35 questions

[astrainclinants]

please fade, fade to black

[rocketonin]

wait no I need to hear more about this kid au!! Do you have any other ideas for it you feel like sharing possibly 👀

Feel free to ignore me but questions because ur au is making me happy stim, Whats the whole Steven situation? Do the kids look up to Becky, like how close are they to her? Where are the botsfords? Is Maria a baby energy monster? Is amazo guy in this au? Are the other townspeople swapped ages or is it just the main people? KAFHJAJD I love this idea

OH MY GOD OK TYSM FOR THE ASK!!!!!

1. Basically the elementary keeps the villain kids in one class kinda just to keep them from the other classes i guess??? so Steven wasn’t in Becky’s class at first but he usually stayed behind after school in the science classroom and often would run into becky (even though he’s not her teacher) but he’d help her with things bc he stays after school for a while before he would go home. ANYWAY squeaky is the science class pet or whatever and people wpuld take him home sometimes yknow? so steven takes him home and he’s making up a lab or whatever (they normally don’t let kids do this but steven has rlly good grades and is skipping levels) but he has like a lab accident or something idk how science works yall tell me but basically everything else happens as it does in the og show ie he’s different after the lab accident and he gets moved to the villain classroom. situation still sucks in this version poor steven :(

2. OF COURSE they just don’t admit it bc theyre villains and they all think they have to be mean or whatever but even though they stress her out sometimes they still rlly respect her as teacher (they might have blown up her desk or smth though LMAO) i wish i could write better about it rn but i might make a fic abt this and i’ll explore it more idk maybe!! i’m terrible at making things quickly esp writing. but yeah i imagine they like becky she puts in a lot of effort to try to teach them (and also stop the gaggle of hooligans from commiting crimes but they don’t really know that she’s word girl except maybe two brains) they just won’t rlly admit it but there’s definitely a few moments where they do something nice for her

3.IMO the botsfords moved with becky they just don’t live with her but they visit sometimes and even walk into the classroom uninvited probably. also TJ’s in college but also still in fair city

4. OH MY GOD YES i imagine she just looks like this permanently

5. I havent rlly thought about it but idk if he’ll fit in the au. If you have any ideas though for amazo guy i’d love to hear them!!!

6. Just the main people actually bc I don’t know how to make some of it make sense in the universe yknow?? but also i’m super lazy LMAO

ALSO HERE’S SOME MORE SKETCHES

two brains definitely knew the f word before he had an evil mouse brain squeaky did not relay that information to him he just enabled it lmao

[celestie0]

ouuu my dear flowie. i am long overdue in responding to this reblog, but just know that i read it when you originally posted it and it made my entire day, my entire week, my entire month, dare i say my entire YEARRR...your reblogs give me enough serotonin to last a lifetime. singlehandedly add years to my lifespan

live picture of me reading your reblog reviews of my fics:

I would let him give me a hundred thousand, even a billion headaches. Kickoff! Gojo deserves everything. Trust me. I would let no harm come to him.My man is a puppy in love with how he’s following reader around, tell me ellie, what do i need to do to manifest him? He’s so adorable aaaaaaahhhh my heart is bursting.

PLEASE A PUPPY IN LOVE IS SO ACCURATE THATS P MUCH KICKOFF GOJO. and yess his ways of charming are so unconventional :''') he got that pretty boy privilege and has never had to charm a woman lolol

but please all he needed to enter a bush was a little sound, he has 0 survival skills.

OMG NAMING THE CAT MEGUMI PLS THAT WOULDVE BEEN CUTE AND ALSO SO CANON. but yea kickoff gojo has zero survival skills how he hasn't been kidnapped yet up until this point is a miracle

Why do acting like you found them fucking publicly 💀😭 (is it the effect of seeing two pretty people together? Must be) i understand him.

girl yes anytime i see a hot guy in public just staring at him feels like having public copulation xddd its sumn ab the hot people

Especially with how she feels Gojo wouldn’t really understand her situation because he has never faced it, it’s the disguised-kinda covered element of helplessness mixed with embarrassment for me when i want to convey the social anxiety but cannot because people expect otherwise of me.

aww bb i'm sorry ab that, yea it's kinda crazy how we have attributes we associate w ourselves but then because of that, we're not able to give ourselves grace to differ from those attributes. but i totally think ppl are multifaceted and we can surprise ourselves w straying from our norm. like ig reader has stage fright but she also slapped tf out of a man at a bar in ch9 LOL...but anywho yes i hear youuu

The best part about kickoff is the sheer realism and relatability that readers feel when reading it. You write about stuffs that university students deal with, and you aren’t just making us live our dream of dating a man as beautiful as gojo but also giving us a voice and lending us an ear. You are hearing us and making sure we feel validated. Especially when you talk about insecurities related to career, that is something not a lot of fics do, they make us perfect, but you perfect our flaws, you let us shine through them. That’s a huge thing to achieve I believe. Like nothing in kickoff feels superficial even with those glowing blue eyes and white hair of the freak. Sorryyy!!!!

AAAAAAA flowie thank u so much i could cry fr :''') i'm so glad the realism comes off. yes i think...hmm i think career is so difficult to navigate in college, esp along w romance. in my romantic experiences in college, i always felt like they went hand in hand w my career stress. like wondering if i'm spending too much time thinking ab boys lol, or being w guys that didn't really value my career goals or even care about them. i miss my college campus clubs and my fellow club board members sooo much, i had sm fun organizing events w them and i think writing this chapter really took me back to that time. like idk just doing fun stuff w someone, like reader n gojo in this chapter, those moments are so priceless to me than something that might be an actual date or sumn, if that makes sense. but i'm so glad the story makes you feel validated, ik you were also in debate clubs in school so i think it's so cool how despite all the different careers n niches n interest (like idk anything ab film clubs lmfaoo) we all can still kinda relate to that feeling of ambition paired w insecurity

I love it when people praise our abilities by honouring our actions, that’s very meaningful and appreciative. Like he could have just told she’s all that, but him adding instances added much value to his sentiments.

YAAASS PREACHH i love it when people mention specific actions when they state a positive character trait xD makes me feel seen. kickoff gojo def sees reader in ways she doesn't see herself. also awww yes his dad would be so proud of him :'')

ihm! Reader and kickoff! Reader will have a great time together as the two gojos play golf together while one tries to pitch the other in to buy a house as the other one argues that soccer is the better sport.

LOLOL wait that's so cute i need to see this happen bahahah. i feel like ihm reader & kickoff reader would like not have much in common while kickoff gojo and ihm gojo would have a younger bro older bro relationship where they're just bickering all the time pls. and then the girls can relate to how annoying their boyfriend/husband is

i think as students we have all cried over missed opportunities or the lack of them, it’s feels nice to have that representation over here, and he ensures everybody feels seen and doesn’t take away from reader’s shine as she doesn’t from her juniors, again very endearing.

yes yes yes :'') i've def cried before because i felt like all my hard work wasn't going to bigger places like i wanted it to be. but like in the words of emma from one day: "it's not about changing the world, it's about changing the little bit around you." i think gojo using his influence for good in this chapter was my favorite part to write, yknow he's not just a dumb frat dude that gloats about partying and winning games n stuff on his social media, but he knows that he can help make a difference w it too! i def think kickoff reader really fell in love w him a little bit in this chapter. and omggg bb sorry for the TEARS!!! but i hope it was comforting happy tears <3 i'm so glad you feel seen! that's all i want to accomplish w my writing

AHH THANKS SM FOR YOUR REVIEW FLOWIE BB THEY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME <33 i look forward to them soooo much, i get so giddy to see them!! much love from meee to youuu

gojo satoru x reader | college au [18+]

kickoff ch.10 a fresh start

ᰔ pairing. college au - soccer player! gojo x film major! reader

ᰔ summary. gojo satoru is the most popular guy on your college campus. he's tall, funny, hot, not to mention he's the most talented soccer forward the school has seen in years. but he's also a frat dude, which puts him in a world very different from your own, as he spends most of his nights partying & drinking while you spend most of yours working on your annoying film major assignments. but when he reaches out to you for a favor, you realize that helping him out might have something in it for you too.

ᰔ warnings/tags. 18+, fem reader, fluff, angst, smut, college au, fraternities, sororities, partying, drinking/alcohol, romance, jealousy, pining, slow burn, opposites to lovers, friends to lovers, she falls first he falls harder, gojo being an idiot, marijuana use, sexism, sexual harassment (verbal only)

ᰔ chapter. 10/x (probably 18)

ᰔ words. 10.5k

a/n. hiii!! welcome to ch10!! if you’re confused about the word count, i decided to split up the original ch10 of kickoff (which was 31k words) into three installments (read more here) and sooo this is the first installment :0 i really hope you enjoy! i think this is a pretty chill chapter so no warnings or anything hahha. i’ll see you at the bottom :”)

nav. masterlist

☾·̩͙꙳ moodboard no.1 :: ♬.*ﾟplaylist

“Let me take you out on a date.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m busy.”

“You look like you could use a break.”

“You look like you should go bother someone else.”

“I don’t want to bother someone else, I want to bother you.”

You sigh, sitting back on your heels in the chair that you’ve been balancing yourself on for the past hour or so within the business building, room 202, not sure if it’s the paint fumes coming off the brush you’re holding in your hand that’s giving you the headache or if it’s the incessant pestering of the man sitting beside you.

It’s a Tuesday afternoon and you’re working on painting a poster for the Film Club photography showcase that’s happening later tonight, and what you thought would be a peaceful moment to yourself turned into what it is now since you ran into Gojo in the hallway as he was making his way out of class, and of course he decided to follow you around like a duckling after that.

You glance to the right. He’s still got his backpack on as he sits slumped in the chair beside you, with his presentation of washed out black jeans, a hoodie that’s a shade of void darker with UTokyo Men’s D1 Soccer heat-pressed printing across in jock lettering and he’s got the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hair looks thoroughly kempt for once, and not slick with sweat like it usually is on the field, or tousled from the amount of times he runs his hands through it when he’s concentrated or frustrated. But he might start now, given you’re not budging at all to his advances.

“You know how nice it would be?” he says to you with his own version of a blissful sigh, resting his elbow on the conference table and setting his chin on top of his palm, and the way he leans into your space makes you subconsciously lean into him too. “We could go out for dinner, maybe by the beach, order dessert, you wear something nice–”

You raise an eyebrow at him.

“N-Not that you don’t always wear nice things–” His eyes briefly sweep down your form, in which you’re awkwardly sitting still with your paintbrush pinched between your fingers in mid air, and then he vaguely gestures to you, “I just mean something nicer,” this time, you feign an offended scoff, “wait, no, that came out wrong, I mean–”

“Satoru,” you interrupt him, bending over the table to dip your bristles into some blue paint in the palette at the other end, “I'm actually very busy right now, so I don’t really have the mental real estate to deal with your sales pitches on why I should let you take me out on a date.”

You can see in your peripheral vision that his eyes are on you, and you only flick your gaze to his face when you notice it’s the longest he’s been silent this entire time, and you find that he’s taking in the sight of you bent over this table. He snaps out of it when you sit back into your chair.

“And you constantly staring at my ass doesn’t exactly charm me, either.”

He glances over his shoulder for a brief second, as if to confirm the emptiness of this room, then grabs your chair to roll you towards him in between the space he’s created by the obnoxious amount of spread to his legs, and you wobble a little due to your seated position on your heels. A gasp leaves your lips at how close his face is now, and his hands hold onto the armrests of your chair to make sure it stays that way. “What do I have to do to charm you?”

You blink at him for a few, startled as you take in the serious expression on his face, and his eyes are so captivating you have trouble finding words. You know why he’s asking—because he’s teetering on an edge of desperation that’s evident in the way he can’t seem to tear his gaze away from your lips, like he’s just one slip of self control away from refusing your denial of him and closing this distance between the two of you that you seem so intent on torturing him with.

“I–” you start, and you grab onto his forearm with the excuse of gaining balance, the texture of a vein pulsing felt underneath your palm, “...I don’t know, figure it out.”

It’s a lame response, but you just can’t explain it. One week of him pining after you didn’t feel like enough, not after all the suffering he put you through after he rejected you, and maybe it was a little petty but you just liked seeing him chase after you because it felt like you finally had the power, the control, and that’s exactly why you don’t have an answer for him. But also, in your defense, his attempts to charm you so far have been………….rather unique and odd, and you’re starting to wonder if he’s ever had to “court” a woman before. Actions that have you realizing pretty privilege might really be a thing since he’s gotten this far despite his strange decision making.

Like earlier this week when he showed up to your apartment with flowers, but of course it wasn’t one of those sweet bouquets you’re always eyeing from the check-out line at Trader Joe’s, no–this man had pilfered an arrangement of roses and marigolds and tulips and dandelions from the park downtown near the city library while he was on a morning run and then showed up at your apartment with them in his hand. It annoyed you, because it was six in the morning, so not only did the ring of the doorbell wake you up but you also became annoyed at the early-morning reminder about how you’re not someone like Gojo who wakes up at the crack of dawn to casually go on eight mile runs (your biggest fear is marrying someone that wakes up at 5am on a Sunday to go on hikes and he unfortunately seems the type). But when you fluffed up those flowers in a vase at the kitchen counter a few hours after you shoo’d him away all in the name of getting a few more minutes of shuteye, you noticed the softness of the stems on the roses, and you realized he plucked each of the thorns off one by one before giving them to you.

He also showed up to your door yesterday, with twigs and leaves in his ruffled hair, a tear through his nylon shirt, and a small tuxedo kitten in the palm of his hand. When you asked him where he found the tiny thing, he said he heard something crying in the bushes while he was walking somewhere. And you figured that’s all the sensory input he would’ve needed to walk through ivy and thorns to find it. Something about I don’t know, I thought you’d think it’s cute and you’d wanna keep it, and you took it from him, the tiny thing so adorable and just a little puff ball in your hands, and most definitely covered in fleas. And then you started crying, because you remembered you can’t keep animals in your apartment. And then he started panicking because he didn’t know why you were crying and he tried to comfort you and that only made it worse and you kicked him out of your apartment with the tiny fluff baby too so as not to get attached, and you’re sure he still has absolutely no clue what he did wrong.

That’s how you would describe his efforts, in all honesty. But a part of you knows that he’s trying. You’re not entirely sure why that’s his definition of trying, but you haven’t thought a lot about what dating him would look like. You were so caught up in how you felt about him, and whether he felt the same, but you never thought a step forward after that. But you’d be lying to yourself if you said you could handle staying away from him any longer.

By the way, Gojo kept the kitten. He’s still working on a name but he’s thinking Grand Theft Auto just so he can say ain’t no way got GTA cat before GTA6.

“All you are is pain and suffering,” he says. “You know that, right?” He rolls your chair even closer, to where the momentum has you threatening to fall right into him, so your hand moves from his forearm to his shoulder, and you're starting to get suspicious he’s trapping you in his personal space.

“You’ll learn to manage it,” you say to him, voice hushed, and you see it in his face that your words excite him.

It’s hard to think straight when those eyes are on you, and after a solid minute of just staring at your lips, he moves his gaze up to level with yours to prove some level of restraint. But what he can’t keep himself from doing is placing a hand on your thigh, pressure soft as his fingers press into the fabric of your jeans, and the movement is slow when he slides his palm up to grip your hip but with more intent.

Your hand that was grasping onto his shirt starts inching towards his neck until it settles on the curve where it meets his shoulder, and your fingers lightly brush against the texture of the hair at his nape. His eyes are still on yours, even with the test of your tongue swiping across your bottom lip.

“Let me kiss you,” he says, and it would sound like a demand if he didn’t say it so breathlessly. His other hand also reaches out to grip onto your hips, urging you more towards him. Another shift forward and you’d be sitting in his lap.

“Oh, we’re asking for permission now?” you chastise, thumb pressing into his neck. He sucks a breath in through his teeth, and now his gaze drops to your lips.

“Yeah, ‘cause last time you were pissed about it.”

You almost roll your eyes. “Wow, my audacity,” you comment sarcastically.

“Just give it to me,” he says, face tilting, the perfect amount to kiss you if you just gave him– “the permission.”

Your breathing picks up when he leans forward, your eyes hooded slightly on reflex, and you’re both staring at each other's lips like it was stupid you’re not kissing right now.

The slam of the door startles you, and being one inch away from him turns into a foot of distance as your head turns to face the entrance of the room. Gojo’s still gripping onto your hips, keeping your chair close to him, and you’re shifting your body weight on your heels as you try to pull off his hold of you until he finally relents and releases.

There’s a student standing at the door, posture slumped as he holds a binder to his chest, and you can tell he’s probably a first or second year with the way he’s wide-eyed and just staring. When he realizes you’re waiting for him to speak, he jumps a little. “Oh! Uh, is this…where the Film Club showcase is happening?”

You straighten your posture, in a way that means business, and struggle a little to untuck your legs from your seated position on your chair to then stand up onto your feet with a bristling sensation of nerves in them when you realize they had fallen asleep. “Yes! Yes, it is. B202, you’ve got the right place,” you say and manage an awkward smile.

The student’s gaze shifts to Gojo, who you see in your peripheral vision is leaning back in his chair, knee swinging side to side and arms crossed at his chest. You want to tell him to sit up straight and not look so nonchalant in the presence of a stranger, but there are some things about a person you can’t really change.

You see the moment in the student’s eyes when he recognizes Gojo, and those wide eyes somehow become even wider. “Woah,” is all he says with a few blinks.

“Um,” you say, taking a step forward, “I’m sorry, what’s your name?” You feel eyes on your back as Gojo watches the interaction.

“Haru!” he says, “I think I messaged the club’s Instagram page last week…not sure if you’re the person I talked to.”

“Oh, yes, I remember,” you say and introduce yourself to him again. “Thank you for coming, but the event actually doesn’t start for a while…”

“Oh, my bad,” he says, “I’ll…” his gaze flickers to behind you, “...come back soon then.”

You purse your lips together and politely nod before he exits the room and you let out the breath you were holding, face wincing a little from the awkward interaction.

You turn on your heel to head back to the table, and you see Gojo still slumped in his chair looking at you with curiosity.

“Okay, seriously, please stop distracting me,” you say as you take a seat on your chair again and pick up your paint brush, “I need to finish this now, because I won’t have time before the event tonight.”

“Why won’t you have time before?” he asks, tapping on his phone screen to check the time. “It’s at six, right?”

“Yes, but I have to finish this poster, and then rehearse my presentation. And then I have to get the supplies from my professor’s room, and also need to go get the pizza and refreshments, and–”

“And why are you doing all this by yourself?” he asks, setting his elbow on the desk and leaning his cheek against the knuckles of his curled hand. He pulls the hood of his hoodie over his head.

You sigh. “The other board members were busy this week. With midterms and stuff. I mean, I’m busy too, but this is a really important event.” You sneak a glance at him, and his earnest attention is suddenly making you feel nervous. “It’s the freshman & sophomore students’ chances to show off their works in a large capacity, and talk to some people about their photos, even book some shoots if there’s a decent turnout.” He nods at you thoughtfully. “Anyways,” you say, directing our attention back to your poster, “I didn’t want to cancel it, so I just figured I’d take on the job. But I wasn’t expecting any distractions.” You regard him with an annoyed flick of your eyes in his direction.

He hums softly, and you use his silence to get lost in your thoughts for a moment. You still need to rehearse the presentation slides, and it could be the exhaustion you’ve faced in the past week that causes you to shake a little from the anticipation of speaking in front of people, but you realize that you’re nervous. Nervous to publicly speak. Nobara usually does these sorts of things as the president, you’ve always opted out to do more of the behind-the-scenes as vice, but there’s this feeling you’ve got that makes you realize if this event doesn’t go smoothly, there’s no one to blame but you.

You glance over at Gojo for a second, who has been watching you this whole time, and he raises an eyebrow in question. You blink, and shake your head slightly, as if to say oh, nothing and then your eyes slowly travel back to the brush in your hand.

“Are you nervous?” he asks you.

Your eyes widen slightly. “Huh?” you squeak out before looking at him.

He uses a jerk of his chin to point to your hand. “You’re shaking.”

You look down at your hand, and notice it is indeed trembling slightly, and you're about to hold your wrist with your other hand to keep yourself from shaking, but his hand beats you to it when it falls over your own. You look down at the sight, and then slightly tilt your palm upwards so you can loosely hold onto his. He squeezes it once and you look at him.

“You’ll be fine,” he says.

It all feels a little silly. I mean, you can imagine the last thing in the world he could empathize with is stage fright. He plays in front of thousands of people in stands every week, of whom you’d say half of which are showing up for him exclusively, and even if the team’s down during the half or stakes are insanely high, or if the chants are so loud most people could hardly even hear themselves think, he always pulls through in the end. Something as simple as presenting in front of a handful of students in a media room wouldn’t have his hand trembling the way yours is right now, because there probably isn’t a fearful bone in his body.

“Do you ever get nervous?” you ask him. It comes out faster than you could think, but curiosity is killing you.

His eyes study your face, brows dropping a little.

“I mean, on the field,” you clarify, “when you’re playing.”

He relaxes a little bit. “Oh, no, not really. I mean, sorta, but it’s not really a feeling I can afford to give much thought to when I’m out there, so I guess not?”

“Mm…” you hum, accepting his answer, and his fingers curl over your hand to hold it a little tighter. “I see. I wonder what that’s like.”

“What what is like?” he asks.

“Not getting nervous.”

“I get nervous sometimes. Just not really on the field.”

“When do you get nervous?” you ask him.

“Usually when I’m with you.”

Your eyes study his intently and your cheeks feel warm.

“Are you just messing with me?” you ask, with a half scoff, to prepare yourself to play it off as a joke.

“No, I’m not,” he states, “I get nervous around you. Cause I’m always scared I’m gonna fuck shit up somehow.”

“Oh,” you say, shoulders slumping a little, “I thought it was a different kind of nervous.” Like a love sick, can’t breathe around the person, heart about to give out kind of soul crushing adoration-filled nervousness.

He looks at you puzzled. “What other kind of nervous is there?” he asks.

You sigh. “Nevermind.” You pull your hand out from under his, and he flexes his fingers a little, like he’s getting used to the absence of your hand underneath his, before he withdraws it back to his side.

Your hand is still shaking.

“Hey,” he says, leaning in a bit closer to make sure you hear what he has to say, “I saw you slap the shit out of a guy at a bar for disrespecting you and then telling that other fuckface to go take it up the ass. Which is probably the most badass thing I think I’ve ever seen anyone do, so I know you’ve got no reason to be nervous right now.”

You take in a deep breath for confidence and nod.

“Okay,” you whisper.

He leaves you alone for the most part after that while you work on your slides, except for his occasional loud shouts when he messes up some mission in the combat game he’s playing on his phone. And you remember he’s someone who’s supposed to be extremely busy, and probably has shit to do right now, but he’s essentially killing all day here with you.

“What are you doing?” he asks when he peers over at your laptop screen once you come back from a bathroom break.

“Oh.” You stretch your fingers out and close them into fists over your keyboard before going back to one of your open tabs. “I need to submit my grad school application.”

Gojo places his elbows on the table and leans his weight onto them, watching your laptop screen from beside you as you navigate UTokyo’s grad school application portal. You can already tell he’s dissociating.

“It’s done?” he asks as you click through the webpage.

“Yes. It’s done. Officially. I just need to–,” you take a deep breath in, “I just need to press…submit.”

Your cursor hovers over the blue button, in the same way your finger is hovering over your mousepad, and you’re stuck frozen.

Gojo leans in closer to your space to where you can smell the soft fragrance of his detergent, “then press submit.”

“I…I will.” You blink at the screen.

But you’re the queen of stalling, in all aspects of life.

He takes his elbow off the table and reaches his arm over to your laptop before pressing down firmly on the right-click cursor button, and you watch in a panic as the loading circle appear on the screen as he calmly retreats his arm, and then you see Congratulations on submitting your UTokyo Graduate School Early Admissions Application for the 2024-25 School Year!

“What–” you look at him with shock.

“You were taking too long,” he says with a shrug.

You slump into your seat with a small pout and watch your phone light up with a confirmation email as well.

“So how should we celebrate when you get in?” he asks.

“We? And when as in if.”

“Yes, we. And when. Now answer.”

You sigh. “I dunno…”

“Is there something that you really want?” he asks, nudging your arm with his elbow before he lays his cheek down on his forearm on the table so he can see your face better. And he looks so cute and boyfriend-ish with the way his hair sprawls over the sleeve of his hoodie and his cheek is plush from where he’s resting it.

You lean all the way back in your chair. “Mm…to end world hunger. Cure cancer. Bring peace and prosperity to all my friends and family.”

“Yes ok, very kind of you,” he responds, voice scratchy like he’s tired but his leg is bouncing impatiently underneath the table, “I meant something you can buy.”

“Like happiness?”

“Just be serious for a second.”

You laugh. “Hmm…I mean, it’s not really a tangible thing…but I’ve always wanted to take a roadtrip to Mt. Fuji,” you offer.

He lifts his head up off his arm with interest. “Ok, then, when you get in, I’ll take you on a trip to Mt. Fuji. All expenses paid.”

“You sound like one of those travel advisors at the mall that scam families for debit card deposits,” you snort, “also, why do I feel like it’d just be an excuse for you to annoy me in forced proximity over the span of five to seven days.”

He drops his head to rest it on his arm again with a small grumble leaving him. “You’re so cynical sometimes.”

Just a bit jaded since last week, is what you think to say. But you’re not in the mood to explain the existential dread within you since Kai’s whole posse of ultra lame losers stirred the unnerving pot of career stress within you, but maybe you just need a bit of time to come down from it.

“Ok fine. If it’s all paid for, then I guess I shall accept the offer. Er, the prospect of the impending offer.

There’s a grin on his face, kinda drowsy and sick with some sort of glee, and he uncrosses one of his arms from the surface of the table to hold his hand out to you, pinky sticking up in the air.

“Alright then, it’s a promise,” he says.

You blink at him, eyeing his pinky, but he just wiggles it in the air like get on with it. You sigh, curling yours around his firmly, and your signature addition is the press of your thumb to his in security of sealing the deal, which you realize by the slight furrow to his brow that he’s never seen it before. You shrug.

“Pinky promises are never to be broken,” he says, kinda cheekily like he knows it sounds silly, and for a second there’s a glimpse of juvenile innocence on his face. His words sound like something a parent would echo to a child, like words from his own. Your pinkies are still coiled. “You’ve gotta say it too.”

“P-Pinky promises are never to be broken,” you repeat after him.

“Sweet.” He pulls his hand from your and then he turns his face so his forehead is resting on his arm now instead of his cheek, breathing slowly as he’s silent for a minute.

“Are you–...are you sleeping?” you ask.

“Yes.” He muffles into his crossed arms.

“Tired?”

He sighs heavily. “Very.”

“Um…I need your help with some things, though.”

“...okay.”

—

“Who are we going to see again?” Gojo asks, using a shake of his head to get some of his fringe out of his eyes hands-free as his fingers spread in his hold of the box underneath them, and it’s hard not to admire the way his hands look. Large shades of pale pink where they were slightly strained, like at his knuckles and joints, and those cool toned veins that valley from the grip that he has. There’s something way more attractive about his hands when he puts them to earnest use.

You two are walking down the hallway on the third floor of the building. “Our faculty adviser for our club,” you say, reaching into your pocket to make sure you still had your keys with you, “oh, he’s also the professor I asked for my reference.”

“Ohhh, interesting,” Gojo comments. “You said he’s a fan of soccer right?”

You’re taken back to that first night you met Gojo at that frat party, and you mentioned your professor to him. Feels like forever ago. But at the same time, like yesterday.

“Yes, UTokyo’s team in particular,” you comment, “honestly I think he might faint when he sees you.”

“I wish you would faint when you see me,” he sighs.

You roll your eyes and then finally arrive at your professor’s office. It’s slightly ajar, as it usually is, and you take a small peek inside to see that he’s sitting at his desk, window open and illuminating the room with golden rays of the setting sun, and you’re made aware of the fact that night is coming soon.

“Hi, Professor,” you say after knocking once, and the man jumps in his seat when you pull the door open to step inside. You always forget he’s easily startled, and make another mental note to not scare him anymore because if he gets a heart attack and dies from shock, you wouldn’t be able to afford the lawsuit.

“Hello, hello, y/n,” he greets, sitting up in his chair by grabbing onto the arm rests for leverage, and you can feel the edge of the box push against your back as Gojo makes his way into the room too.

As predicted, your professor nearly faints and dies from shock when he clocks the sight of Gojo, and you briefly wonder if Gojo would be able to afford the lawsuit, and then your professor is running up to him and shaking his hand with a vigor that has the younger man wincing a little in discomfort, but by the short amount of time you’ve finished looking through the storage room for projector cables & supplies, then re-emerge to your professor’s office with filled up boxes in your hands, Gojo’s typing his number into your professor’s phone and apparently he’s going salsa dancing with him and his wife this weekend?

“You should come too,” Gojo says, adjusting his grip on the boxes he took from you as you two meander down the hallway back to the media room.

You dust your hands off. “To what? Salsa dancing?”

“Yeah, apparently there’s gonna be spiked brazilian lemonade,” he coos, like he’s pitching a pyramid scheme to you.

You sigh. “How often do people just randomly invite you to things?”

He glances up at the ceiling like he really needs to think about it. “I dunno. I just accept, don’t always go.”

“So you’re, like, a selective people pleaser,” you note. “Save face in the moment but then run away from the commitment.”

“Relax. I was having a good evening.”

You two make it back to the media room with no more unsolicited psychoanalysis, and you’re scrambling around to get things in order for the event while Gojo tries his best to be helpful wherever he can, but he mostly just looks like a lost puppy.

“Okay so I ordered four pizzas,” you say, holding up four fingers in the air, “and then you also need to get, like, maybe two family size bottles of Coke from the store?” Now two fingers. “A pack of napkins would be nice too since apparently we ran out.” You look through the box you got from your professor’s storage room. “And…I think that’s it. Keep the receipts so I can reimburse you.”

Gojo nods at you after every command, eyes wide and brows furrowed in concentration like he’s really trying to picture the list of tasks in his head so he doesn’t forget any of them, and you feel a bit bad for ordering him around to do all of this for you but he was here anyway so you might as well put him to use.

“And then can you also get some stuff from the trunk of my–er, Mina’s car. I parked it by the Literature building in Lot 16.” You pull the car keys out from your tote bag and hand it to him. He stands there like a statue before his fingers curl around the cold metal keys. “Please be back here a half hour before six!!”

“So I guess I’m a member of the club now?” he muses, throwing the keys up into the air a few feet to then catch them.

“Mm, no, you need to fill out a form to be an official member,” you say as you make your way to the podium and open the drawer to pull out one of the microphones.

“Send me the form then,” he says.

“It’s on our Instagram.” You tap the head of the microphone and are satisfied when you hear thumping across the room’s speakers. “LinkTree in bio!!” you chirp in club advertisement reflex.

He pulls his phone out from his pocket and half leans back/half sits on one of the tables and taps away at his screen. You’re standing at the podium computer scrolling through your logged-in Spotify account to figure out which ambient playlist to have playing for the event.

“Alright,’ he says before slipping his phone back into his pocket, “I just filled out the form.”

Your phone chimes with an email notification right after he says it. “Yay! Congrats! Welcome to UTokyo’s Film Club!” you exclaim, again, in practiced club advertisement reflex.

He smiles at you and crosses his arms. “Are there any cool perks?” he asks.

“Uhh, a chance to enter into a Kodak film roll raffle every semester?” you say, knowing it’s useless because you two are graduating in less than two months so this was your last semester anyway and the raffle had already passed. Oh, also useless because Gojo isn’t a film photographer. Your phone chimes with another email notification. You glance at it. “Oh! Someone else RSVP’d for the event tonight. Yayyy.”

“Sorry, I think that was me,” he says, “I filled out the wrong form at first.”

“Oh,” your shoulders drop in a sulk slightly, done before conscious thought can stop the motion, so now Gojo’s caught onto the fact that you’re upset about something.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, and he walks over to where you’re standing at the podium.

“I’m just a little…bummed out about the turnout,” you confess as you glance at the RSVP form for the event on your phone, “eighteen people signed up, but that includes the eight students that are showcasing their photography. Oh, and now it also includes you. So…that means only nine real sign-ups, and I guess it’s a little less than what I thought it would be.”

“Aww,” he coos, and he places his elbows up onto the wood of the podium, holding his face up to look at you. “I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s okay,” you say, and you blush for some reason.

He’s smiling at you now, boyish and lost in thought that probably has nothing to do with the conversation at hand.

“What?” you ask.

“Nothing,” he shakes his head, “I just think you’re really cool.”

“Okayyy,” you diffuse the compliment, “are you going to stay for the event?”

“Will you let me?” he asks.

“Maybe,” you say, “if you don’t do anything strange during it.”

“And if I do?” he asks.

“So you are going to do something strange?”

“Nope.”

“Well, now you seem suspicious.”

He laughs. “I was just joking.”

“When you bring the pizzas back, just leave them outside the door. I’ll take it from there,” you say.

“You’re not even gonna let me inside?” he scoffs.

“No.”

“And if I come inside anyway?”

“I’ll place a bucket of water at the top of the door,” you say, “so it’ll fall on you, except it’ll give you a concussion instead of a soak.”

He snorts. “Yeah? How are you even gonna reach the top of the door?”

“I–...shut up.”

“I can help you,” he grins, leaning forward on the podium, “reach the top of the door.”

“You’re going to help me terrorize you?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

He shrugs. “Anything if it means I get to touch your butt.”

“Wha–!! Why would that entail you touching my butt?!”

He looks confused by your confusion. “Hmm…maybe…maybe we should act out what you think this scenario would entail…and then we can act out what I think this scenario would entail, perhaps multiple times, and then–”

“Just go get the things I asked, please,” you say with a sigh.

He laughs, it’s sweet but loud, and you blush when you realize he’s just messing with you for his own amusement.

“Stop teasing me,” you pout at him.

“I seriously can’t help it,” he tells you, and he leans himself off the podium to stand up straight before shoving the car keys you gave him into his pocket, “the way you react is always so cute.”

You feel like you could melt.

“Alright, I’ll be back,” he says, and you watch him as he heads out the door. And the room feels empty without him.

Luckily there are things you can distract yourself with in his absence. Well, technically he was the distraction, but sometimes it felt like everything else was the distraction keeping you from him.

There’s still about an hour left before the film club students come in to set up the exhibits, and you set up everything else you need to set up around the room, like moving the tables around so that the walk flow is like that of a museum’s, you set the club posters you painted up on the wall, pull a plastic table cover over what will be the food and refreshments section when Gojo eventually brings them. And you spend the last ten minutes rehearsing your slides.

It occurs to you that this is the last time you’ll be doing any of this, possibly for the rest of your life. Film Club still has a few events left for the year, but they’re mostly just tabling events and then the end-of-year banquet at the Cheesecake Factory. And so as you click through slides at the podium, your eyes drift from the screen off into the still empty room. And that feeling of something coming to an end washes over you. But you’re not really sure how to feel about it just yet.

Your thoughts drown out the gradually growing bustling noise outside in the hall, and you only become aware of it about a couple minutes later, when the noises increase into loud shouts and cheers. Was there some event next door that you didn’t know about at the same time as the Film Club event? You didn’t know of any, but right before you can check the university’s social media, the door burst opens and Gojo’s standing there with a stack of four pizzas balancing on one palm, with the pinky hooking a plastic bag seemingly carrying a couple bottles of soda, and in his right hand is—…beer?

“Hey,” Gojo says, a gleeful look on his face. The noises outside are heard clearly with the door he’s keeping open with his foot, and then they disappear back into muffles once again when he closes the door. “Where do you want this stuff?”

You storm up to him. “W-Why did you buy beer?” you ask him.

“Huh?” he glances down at the couple of cases of beer in his left hand. “I mean, pizza and beer, you can’t go wrong with that.”

“What??”

He blinks at you. “I-Is it BYOB or something??”

“Satoru. This isn’t a frat party!! This is a Film Club event!!”

“There’s no alcohol at your events?” he asks, setting the pizzas down on the food and refreshments table you had set up earlier. “I assumed you had just forgotten to ask me to get some from the store when you were listing off tasks earlier.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose. “No. There is no alcohol at our events,” you sigh. But he’s ripping the tops of the cases anyway. “Do you know why it’s so loud outside?” You move towards the door and try to peer through the frosty glass.

“They’re here for the event,” he says. You swirl on your heel to face him, but all you see is the expanse of his back as he rips a pack of napkins open.

“T-This event?” you squeak out.

He looks over his shoulder at you. “Yeah. You said something about the turnout being small, so I posted it to my Instagram story.”

Your mouth drops open.

He stiffens. “I mean, that’s what one of the…” his voice slowly trails off, “…roles & responsibilities was…for the Film Club membership form…to be a member…”

You continue to stare at him.

“…help publicize for club events,” he clarifies.

You quickly turn to face the door again and push it open with force, almost hitting someone straight in the face, and after you apologize for your carelessness, you take in the huge line of people flush against the wall, all chatting with friends in small groups that trail all the way back to the entrance of the building. Most of them are people you’ve recognized at SAE parties and social media posts, and you quickly close the door because now your heart is beating so fast in your chest from the nerves that you can hardly handle it.

You turn to face Gojo again and walk up to him while he’s still busy fixing up the table with more finesse than you'd have expected from him. “Satoru!! I don’t have enough pizza to feed all these people!! There isn’t even enough space in this room for all of them!!” You’re panicking a little.

He tilts his head at you. “Just—…have them walk inside in a single file and round out of the room in a circle.” He gesticulates the plan with his finger in the air. “Easy.”

Right. Like the professional-grade sports conference signings he’s been a part of. “I’m just one person. I have no idea how I’m gonna deal with a group that large.”

“Relax,” he assures you, and he takes a step towards you to hold both your hands in his, “it’s going to be fine! You’ve done these events before, it’s no different than those times. Plus you’re not just one person! I’ll be here with you, too.”

His overwhelming positivity and ease and nonchalance is starting to contrast way too heavily with your anxiety and uncertainty and cynicism, and it has you pulling your hands from his because your palms are starting to get sweaty.

The door creaks open slightly ajar, and you both turn to face it. Haru, the film student from earlier, takes a step into the room.

“Hi!! This is—…this is where the event is supposed to be, right?” he asks sheepishly with skepticism, likely because he can’t believe the line outside.

“Yes!” you confirm, and you glance at the projector screen for the time, “take a seat, I’ll be going over logistics soon.”

Following him suit are a few other film students that trickle in and take seats at the tables, and you do a mental roll call and notice that only a couple are missing. But you’ve only got five minutes until the hour starts for the event, so you shut the door airtight for a peaceful ambience and rush to the front of the room at the podium.

“Hi,” you say into the mic, “thanks so much to you all for coming here!! In a few minutes, I’ll be opening the door for people to come by and check out your photo exhibits. I ask that if you do get commissions booked for your work, you write it down on the sheets provided so we can assess the helpfulness of these events in helping students secure freelance work!” You’re practically reading off a script as a coping mechanism, because your hand is shaking in anticipation. You look down at it underneath the hood of the podium, and in a second, it’s being covered by a familiar hand.

Gojo’s standing next to you at the podium now, holding your hand but discreet from view, and it gives you enough ease to finish your presentation smoothly, mostly because it goes by in a blur with the distraction of his comforting hand squeezes, and you can finally release the deep breath you were holding in.

“Awesome,” Gojo says right when you dismiss the students to start setting up their photo exhibits at their tables, “you finished the presentation. It wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“You almost sound patronizing,” you sigh, but you turn your palm up so he can hold your hand anyway.

By the time you open the door for the event, your anxiety has settled, and all you feel is awe as you watch people make their way into the room. Albeit most of them just go straight for the beer and pizza at first (which you’re pretty sure is illegal to serve on campus, but whatever), and you had to make the last minute decision to change your spotify playlist on the speakers from Studio Ghibli classics to early 2000s club music just to keep them engaged, but as the event proceeds, they all start to travel down the exhibit tables and glance at students photos sprawled across tables and swiping through slideshows on their laptops, and there’s genuine conversation and interest.

Turns out frats & sororities were the target audience for professional photography all along? Considering how anal they are about their social media aesthetics and what-not. Something you’d never even really considered until today, and somehow your world has become a little bit bigger than what it was before.

As you walk around the room just to eavesdrop on some conversations and make sure things are going okay, you steal glances at the freelance commision sign up papers that the film students are keeping track of, and you see occasions written down like birthday photoshoot and grad photos and aunt’s baby shower scribbled under the event columns and you start to feel emotional. The little freshmen & sophomore film students look so ecstatic with the amount of work they’re booking in one evening, and for once you feel like a proud mom.

This is singlehandedly the biggest turnout you’ve ever seen for any event you’ve ever hosted, and for someone that has a hard time asking for help most of the times, you finally see what you’ve been missing out on when you do let someone see you for who you are and they just know what’s important to you.

When you think of it, he’s always known what’s important to you. And he’s always cared.

You’re blinking fast to fight the sheen of tears when you look at Gojo from across the room, who’s chatting it up with some people he knows and then ushering them into the showcase line, because you realize he’s made you feel really proud of yourself today, which is something you’ve really struggled with in the past week.

It’s been four years since you joined this club, with hours of hard work invested into events that weren’t going to get the front page of the newsletter like the Friday soccer games would, or get circulated around on social media like the sorority formals would, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t any less important. And it’s ironic that someone like Gojo who fits into that world of prestige and popularity and success is the one to show you that.

“Hey.” You jump when you hear Gojo’s voice near you and realize you had been too lost in thought to notice that he was approaching you. He’s pointing over his shoulder towards the door. “Some guy came by and said we’ve only got five minutes left for the room?”

You turn away from him slightly, and the sniffle of your nose is quiet enough in the loud echoes of the room. “Oh, yes, um, we only had it booked for an hour. I didn’t think we’d need more than that.”

“Oh okay,” he says, “I’ll tell everyone to get lost then.”

“But not before telling them to follow us on Instagram!!” you chirp at him in practiced club advertisement reflex, “the QR code is posted on the door.”

He nods slowly. “Sure thing, boss.” He turns to head back to the line of people still leading out of the door, but his eyes linger on your face and he turns back to you. The step he takes towards you makes you nervous, because you don’t want him to see you were on the verge of tears. You’re good at hiding these sorts of things.

“Are you okay?” he asks, tilting his head down to look at you straight in the face because it’s obvious you’re not making eye contact.

You take in a deep breath and finally level your gaze with his when you’re certain your eyes are dry. “Yes, fine. Thank you.” And you smile at him. And he takes your word for it.

__

It’s pitch black outside as you walk with Gojo across campus towards the parking lot. He’s carrying all the supplies you have to take home in boxes piled high in his arms, while you just pull an empty mini wagon along because there’s way too many stairs as obstacles for any mode of transport by wheel.

There are a few moments where your shoulder accidentally brushes against his arm, and it’s mostly because you can’t walk in a straight line for the life of you, but you like it because it just feels nice to be in his space somehow. Like those little moments when your knee bumps someone else’s under the table, or your hands touch when handing something to someone, always noticed but never addressed because it just felt natural.

On the way to the faculty parking lot, where the blacktop is barely lit by the baseball stadium lights off in the distance, the exhaustion of the day catches up to you. Gojo’s hand reaches inside his pocket and he pulls out Mina’s car keys before pressing down on a button to open the trunk.

“Gosh, I forgot you had those keys,” you sigh as you fold the wagon and slide it into the back. “I would’ve freaked out if I noticed I didn’t have them.”

“Yeahhh I considered pretending that I lost them just to fuck with you, but I got lazy,” he says with a shrug and a yawn then sets down the boxes in the trunk with a slight grunt that leaves him, then he’s dusting his hands off.

You do a quick look-through of the supplies to make sure you didn’t forget anything in the room, and then pull your phone out to text Nobara that everything went well today. Well, great. Fantastic. Honestly, she’ll be shocked by the turnout when she sees the Instagram photos you’ll be posting to the club’s socials.

Gojo pulls down on the top of the trunk and shuts it closed, then he turns to face you. “Alright, so…”

“So…” you repeat after him, and you’re not sure why the air feels a little awkward, but you twiddle with your fingers because you don’t have the desire to step into the car and head home just yet.

Gojo nods slowly, looking around himself at the ground. “I guess that’s everything.”

“Mhm.”

He scratches the back of his head, and you realize he’s not making any moves to walk away either.

“Um,” you say, “Satoru–”

“Yeah?” he responds, fast, the second you say his name.

You take a step closer to him, and lean your hip against the car. “Thank you,” you say, holding onto your elbow and rubbing soothing circles over your own arm, “for what you did tonight.”

He tilts his head at you in confusion, but then his face relaxes. “Oh, no worries,” he says with a smile, and his voice sounds a little tired from the day too, “I’m pretty sure you would’ve killed yourself if you tried to carry those boxes down the stairs.”

“What?...no, no, not for the boxes,” you say with a shake of your head, and then you remember you need to be offended by what he just said, “what the hell, that’s not true. I have more than sufficient upper body strength.”

He tucks his bottom lip under his teeth, like to stifle a laugh. “Uh-huh.”

You sigh and briefly pinch the bridge of your nose in annoyance and then shake the feeling off with a shake of your head. “I meant…for what you did by publicizing the event.” And for being there for you, when you were feeling alone and nervous about the whole thing, like he could tell you just really needed someone to be with you. But you bite your tongue before you can say that part too.

His brow furrows for a moment, and you realize he’s confused about the appreciation.

“It’s just, I know what it was like when I was a freshman and sophomore, feeling like my work wasn’t really reaching anyone,” you say to him, the vulnerability on your sleeve as you speak, “so it was a really nice thing for you to do for those underclassmen today. I saw the looks on their faces, and they looked really happy. And–...I’m sure it made their day.” You glance off to the side for a moment because you feel a little shy, and then you look back at him. “It made mine too.”

He takes a step towards you, and he’s close now, to where the tips of his shoes almost touch yours. His eyes are calm, darker with minimal light to reflect off of but there are still stars in them as always. “I’m glad I could help. Uh, well, I’m a member of the club now, so, if you need any other help, then. You know where to find me.”

You laugh. “I doubt there’s much I could give you to do at this point in the year, but alright. If anything comes up, I’ll assign it to you.”

You both look up at each other with small smiles. Your thumbs still swiped over the skin of your arm, and he shoves his hands in his pockets to look at his feet, rocking back and forth on his heels slightly. You click your tongue and look up at the sky, and he tilts his head to the side a few times to stretch it out. Were you two just so brain-fried by the day that you can’t even think of a single thing to say to one another? But if that was the case, then why not just call it a day and go home?

There’s a person on a bicycle that passes by, jingling his bell in the process and that breaks the two of you out of this weird trance, and then he’s clearing his throat and you’re shifting on your feet.

“Oh, by the way—” “Um, I just wanted to—” you both say at the same time.

You blink at each other.

“Sorry,” he laughs, “go ahead.”

“No, no, you go ahead,” you say.

“It’s fine,” he gestures to you. “You first.”

“Are you sure?” you ask.

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

“Well—,” he starts, “I’ll say what I want to say after you say what you want to say…so…no worries. Go ahead.”

“Right,” you nod in agreement, and scratch your arm a little. “I just wanted to say I’m still…sorry about what I said to you last week outside that bar,” you confess, “about…having it easy in life.” You squeeze your upper arm in anxious tendency. “ImeanIknowIalreadyapologizedforit,” you say, fast, with surprisingly no tongue twist, “but…still. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t open up to me about stuff because of what I said and because of…I guess, the…mean impression I claimed to have of you. I just don’t think I was in a great headspace, and…well.” You look up at him and his expression is soft. “I’ve really appreciated being able to talk to you about lots of things. Um. So, yeah, I just wanted to say again that I’m really sorry about it.” You take in and release a deep breath once you’re done with your ramble.

He’s quiet for a moment as he lets your words sink in, and he briefly glances down at his shoes, shoulders raising slightly to roll them back and then he relaxes them when he looks at you again.

“It’s okay,” he says, and he leans against the car now too. “I know you said that I was contributing to making you feel that way, so I owe you an apology for that too.”

You blink up at him.

“Plus, you were dealing with a bunch of pricks,” he says, “and stressed about your future.”

“Mm,” you acknowledge.

“We’re seniors,” he randomly mentions, “I think we’re all just…trying to figure ourselves out? So, I get it. And I don’t want you to feel bad about it.”

You feel a tickle in your throat, and the distracting pain of your nails digging into the palms of your hands is enough to direct your brain away from getting emotional right now. “That’s true. Figuring ourselves out. Mm.”

He gives you a small smile, and then he sighs when he remembers something. “Yeah, a friend of mine just broke up with his girlfriend of six years because he didn’t get into law school, so, stress is a crazy thing.”

“Oh no, I’m so sorry for him–and, them.”

“Yeahhh he bought a ring and everything,” Gojo says, rubbing the back of his neck and wincing a little in empathetic discomfort.

“Oh my gosh.”

“Well, anyway,” he laughs a little, in some sort of fear that he’s just made things awkward, “you don’t have to worry about what you said. I–” he pauses, “I’m hard to get rid of when I want to be around. Ask Suguru, he’s tried to get rid of me on multiple occasions.”

You laugh, and he doesn’t follow up with any more jokes or explanations, like he just wants to hear your laugh in its purity. And you nod, taking in his words for a bit, letting them rerun in your head, because they leave a warmth in you.

“Have you given any thought to what you want to do after graduation?” you ask, and you’re humbled by the fact that you never even thought to ask him that before. Hell, you even asked the stranger you sat next to in stats today that question before you ever asked him.

“Yeah,” he nods, “I think I’m gonna play for the national league.”

“Oh! That’s awesome,” you chirp, “I have no doubt you’ll get it. I’ve seen those recruiters constantly coming up to you during games.” You lightly poke his arm in flattery. “Although you always look super annoyed when they do.”

He laughs. “Yeah, they have no concept of time or place.”

“But anyway,” you say, “that’s really cool. I know your dreams are going to come true, and you’ll be great at it too.”

He nods, and you notice your words seem a little lost on him, like he's distracted by something else, but he covers it up with a well-meaning smile of pursed lips and then another silence settles between you two.

“Oh, what were you gonna,” you start, pointing your finger at him, “what were you gonna say?”

“Oh, right, phew, thanks,” he exhales in relief at the reminder, “well, I guess it’s more of a…question,” he’s sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck, “but we–the frat–is hosting this barbeque thing on Thursday before our game on Friday…and, I was wondering if you’d want to come.” His words hang in the air for a moment as he’s preemptively studying your expression for any clue of an answer, and you realize he’s nervous. When you keep your features neutral, he feels the need to keep speaking. “I mean I—...I’d have to send you the invite, ‘cause it’s kind of an exclusive thing…it’s also in the afternoon since it’s too late in season for us to be throwing parties the night before a game, but, uh, if you’re free,” he pauses to take a breath, “I’d really love it if you came.”

You just stare at him.

He holds his hands up in a slight panic, shoulders tense. “Not a—…it’s not a date though. Don’t worry.”

“Ahh…” you nod, feigning relief but in all honesty you forgot about how many times you’ve turned down his pleas for a date this week and you think it’s sort of cute but also sad that he felt the need to clarify. “Yeah, um, I’ll let you know.”

He smiles, it’s genuine and real and something you’ll never get tired of. “Alright, cool.”

And here you two are standing again in silence, just looking at one another. If you were on the outside, looking in, you’d think that the two of you had just met. Like a fresh start.

Your breathing slows as you gaze up at him, because the way his brow furrows ever so slightly as he looks at you is so handsome and sweet and it makes you remember how when you first met him, you wondered if you’d ever feel relaxed in his presence from how gorgeous he is. Back then, you never would’ve imagined that you would make him nervous someday.

His gaze slowly travels down to your lips, and you feel your eyes soften to where everything else around you is a blur. You want to kiss him. Maybe as a thanks, or a reward, something sweet to show him how much today meant to you. You tilt your head, looking up with doe eyes and flutters of your eyelashes, in the most obvious way a girl could silently tell a guy she wants him to kiss her. He’d have to be the most immensely dense person on the planet to not—

“You really should think about the salsa dancing,” he says, breaking any and all energy between the two of you, “I think it’d be fun.”

You blink at him for a solid ten seconds, and then sigh with a slight slump to your shoulders, because you realize he’s probably never had to guess if a girl wants him to kiss her or not. And he’s still as dense as the person he was when you first fell for him. But there’s something endearing about it, too. Simple. Simple was what you needed. “Mhm.”

After another brief moment of silence, you tuck your hair behind your ears.

“I should get going,” you say, through an awkward half laugh, “I have an essay due at 8AM tomorrow, so...I need to go home and procrastinate.” That earns a short snort from him, and you lean yourself off of the car to head towards the driver’s side. Gojo’s on your tail and then suddenly a step ahead of you as he gets the door for you and you sit inside then fiddle with the rearview mirror just to give your hands something to do because you feel his eyes on you and it’s all-consuming as ever.

“Hey,” he says, resting his elbow on top of the car door as he peers down at you, “text me when you get home.”

You look up at him while you push the keys into ignition. “I will. Good night.”

“Night,” he says with a soft smile on his face, and he hesitates for a moment before he closes the door. Like something someone would do when they don’t want a moment to end.

.

.

.

a/n. thanks so much for reading!! this was such a domestic little chapter to write haha i think it’s the most mellow of the three scenes i wrote for the original longer version of ch10 but sdkfhsdkf i still really enjoyed writing it.

anywhoooooooo the next chapter will be the frat bbq :0 i’m very excited for that one, i think it’s my favorite of the three installments aaa there’s a scene i wrote for it that is one of the highlights in the series for me so far. not because it’s angsty or dramatic or anything, it’s just really silly and cute and horny and is kinda young love vibes and i’m living for that recently because gege has ripped my heart out already i cannot handle angst rn xD hope that’s ok

again thanks so much for reading. i think some of you may know it was really hard for me to push through w writing bc of lots of reasons and stuff that was happening on my account, but all the lovely support n messages really motivated me to not give up on the chapter and i really appreciate that a lot!!

also i had fun dedicating the last chapter to someone, so i kinda wanted to do that again!! i have a lovely n sweet 🫶🏼 anon whose birthday was i think the week after i was supposed to initially post ch10, but unfortunately i didn’t get around to posting it in time even though i said it would be my early bday gift to them BAHAHAH so i wanted to dedicate this chapter to my darling 🫶🏼 anon <33 happy belated birthday my love!!

aaa i’ll hopefully see you in the next one!! :’’) love u all sm <3

- ellie 💕

➸ you're all caught up!

additional notes: please do not ask me for updates (read rules); also, i have decided to officially close the taglist! i’m so sorry, but it’s getting a little too much for me to keep track of :’’) and apparently i have to manually input the tags as well as make separate posts to include everyone because of the tag limit, and it’s too stressful for me lol. i will continue to tag the people who i have been tagging so far (if you were tagged in this chapter or in my separate extended taglist post, i will continue to tag you in future chapters), but if you were not able to make the taglist, i do post on ao3 at the same time as tumblr, and ao3 has a subscription feature where you can get emails for updates! i think that would be helpful for anyone wanting to keep up w the story. sorry!!

taglist:

@megumisdivinedogs @witchbybirth @avatarl0v3r @mwtsxri @asherheed

@wynney @delulux3 @higurumapet @zombriesworld @xenop0p

@phoenix-eclipses @who-can-touch-my-boob @mo0nforme @reagan707 @lost-resonance

@foulprincesscycle @luniunia @alekssashka7 @beabadobeee @thexmistress

@tsukikourito @getitsatoru @gabriiiiiiii @kissofife @tiredflame132

[thoi2020]

u have advanced??????? wow. tips to qualify mains please??? help me with my modules.how do i solve them?????????

hnnng idk bestie here's some short tips n like if u want something more specific u can send another ask or dm me?

pay attention in class. sit in the front. listen out for what things the teacher puts an emphasis on. ask questions. yes, even the stupid ones. especially the stupid ones bc those are fundamentals u cannot miss bc a shaky foundation leads to a shaky building. also pay attention to ur teachers. theyve been doing this since before u even knew about jee they know what theyre doing. most of them want whats best for u, and if not specifically that, whats best for them n their institute which are usually similar things. im not saying blindly trust them without criticism but have some faith. dont dismiss them they prolly know better than u. if id followed my teachers instructions i prolly wouldnt have had to drop (but thats a discussion for another day lol).

revise notes on a regular basis. like. the day u studied it in class. then the next day. then a week later. then 2 weeks later. then a month later. google the curve of forgetting for more accurate time stamps. use flashcards for formulae n stuff that u have to memorise like inorganic chem.

analyse past papers. recognise the most important topics. but also there are some small chapters that are quite easy and some people skip them thinking there wont be any questions from them. ive given 4 papers of mains, and i can confirm that is utter bullshit. 1 question each from units and measurements, mathematical reasoning, stats, chemistry in everyday life, polymers, are guaranteed. u can easily secure at least those marks by spending just a little bit of time on them. esp for jee mains its relatively better to cover a wide range of topics with medium depth instead of just some but with deep understanding (the latter works well for advanced tho).

make a friend or two whos in the same boat as u, preparing for jee n try to keep each other accountable. tell each other everyday what ure going to study that day n then check back the next day. remind each other hlep each other out. also be friendly with the class toppers sometimes they can solve ur doubts better than teachers just bc something they explain clicks better. whenever i get confused about logarithms i think back to what my 9th grade classmate told me when i asked him to explain in 1 sentence n had him repeat it slowly to me multiple times. its burned in my memory and helped me so much. 

practice tests. set the proper 3 hour limit and solve them. be honest w urself ure doing this for u. no point scoring 256/300 to impress ur teacher if u cheated bc on the day of the exam ure going to be screwed. in the beginning try out different strategies, different ones work for different ppl. like for me, math is my favourite and i find it easier than the other 2 so i do it first and it gives me confidence. then i move on to physics and then chem. some people look over the entire paper n solve the easiest from every section first, then the medium ones, then the tough ones. experiment in ur practice tests n figure out whats best for u n ur test taking. after the test, analyse. see what u got wrong, why u got it wrong. clarify doubts. mark problem questions to revise and solve again later. no point in solving more n more questions if theres no retention or learning.

for solving books specifically under the cut bc this is getting too long lol:

stick to 1 or 2 books max per subject. make them ur holy books and swear by them. if ure doing coaching then the modules provided by them are a very good option bc theyre specifically for jee and will cover what u need. coaching teachers will have a lot of experience with them too so u'll have an easy time with doubts clarification. if u choose other books tho, still consult with ur teacher and ask them to tell u what's relevant and what isnt and dont waste ur time on whats not. it might make u look or feel smarter to be solving questions on stuff thats beyond the scope of the exam but u literally dont need it and the syllabus is already very vast so ure just going to waste time and brainspace. like sure if ure interested study it in ur own time but dont make it an Important Must Do thing.

ok now that u have ur book with everything relevant to jee, make sure u devour them. study the theory alongside ur class notes. solve a few questions of corresponding topics the day they are covered so u dont have so many questions lined up at the end of the chapter. like if i studied friction in newton's laws of motion today, i'll solve the questions relevant to friction today itself. or u know this week. like,, keep it current. then while solving, speak out loud and explain the problem to urself like ure teaching someone else (or better yet, find someone to teach them to. stuffed toys, younger siblings, ur classmate, grandparents, online friend, whichever works). mark all the questions that took u longer than 5 mins or u cant solve at all. dog ear the pages. try them again the next day. then again a few days later. take the ones u still cant solve to ur teacher. try n ask for just a hint once and try again. and then if u cant then ask for the solution. DO NOT go on the internet. ur brain doesnt have to work for it then n u think u got it but u dont got it. make ur brain work for the solution so it'll remember. 

now that uve given a good shot to every question and figured out where u stumble. analyse a bit. find a pattern if theres any: like a certain concept that is weak or something ure not understanding. read the theory for it if u have to n ask questions to clarify. then solve these problem questions again and again until u know every question well enough to be able to explain to someone. skip over the easy ones u dont gotta do them again n again, focus on the ones u stumbled on. theyre the weak spots. no use strengthening whats already strong enough.

and uh keep a notebook of the solutions of the questions u solve so that u dont have to go crazy searching for them in an emergency. like ur paper is tomorrow and u cant figure out this question that uve been trying for 1 hour then its a good time to review ur previous solution and refresh ur memory. often if uve practiced enough n its just exam stress etc thats making ur mind go blank then just a hint will be enough to remind u.

also this is more general but just. be consistent. small consistent efforts over multiple days instead of a big one in 1 day. u’ll retain better and ur brain does better with multiple small chunks spread out over an interval than a lot of stuff in a small one. and its ok to to have an off day dont kill urself over academics ur health is more important always. not getting into ur dream college might fuck u up but itll heal but ur health is more precarious and not getting enough sleep or food will def fuck u up and the consequences are a lot harder to deal with. dont think about the big picture or u’ll freak urself out just think about the next small step u can take. getting 99 percentile feels impossible but solving 10 questions for it does not. dont get disheartened by test results if ure working hard n smart u wont fail. even if u dont get into ur dream college u’ll have an excellent work ethic that’ll take u places u never thought of in ur wildest dreams. more than anything, be kind to urself and work n play hard.

[superfluouskeys]

omg for the grad school anon! i am 26 and i chose to pursue a 2nd degree and i relate to a lot of things you said. esp about not being able to relate to other students, but also that really doesn't have to get in the way too much if you focus on building relationships with more ppl your age outside of college. thankfully i found another girl who is a year younger than me who also decided to get a 2nd degree and now we hang out a lot! will continue in a 2nd message this is getting long aaa

part 2! the thing about appreciating the value of education is so real! personally i might have even had better resources when i was doing my 1st degree but i had no idea how to use them. i was really in my head and going through a tough time mentally and looking back it's a real shame i didn't use everything given to me. now that resources are fewer i am getting more out of my degree tho bc i finally know what i want now that i'm older. i am actually interested in using them and i know how to!

God FEEL this so much!!! Yeah, I totally agree that not really connecting w your classmates isn't a big deal at all, just like a factor to be prepared for so that the idea of it doesn't make you feel weird I guess! I think because so much brain development happens in the early 20s + all the stress of living outside the structure of the school environment most ppl REALLY quickly feel very different from ppl who are still in the college mindset, like I remember already feeling that way when I was 23-24 LOL. It's definitely nice to connect with other ppl who have been out of school even for a little bit as they will just tend to understand where you're coming from a little better!

And yes, god, it's sometimes still a real struggle for me not to be hard on myself for how I acted when I was in undergrad even though lol, I was literally a child and had so much trauma I was dealing with on top of just simply being young. I think it's definitely worth knowing ahead of time that because you are in a way returning to an environment you were in at a very different time of your life, you can often be really painfully reminded of how you felt at that time. It can be good ultimately bc you can work through some of those old wounds you didn't even realize you still had, but it's been the most helpful for me to just remind myself that I was really young and doing the best I could at the time!

[whentherewerebicycles]

hi! i wanted to say i love reading your reflections on teaching, and in general i really look up to/am inspired by your thoughts regarding education and academia. if it's not too much to ask (completely understandable if it is, in that case please disregard!) i would love to get your advice on college related things?

i had pretty significant academic struggles throughout grade school, and ended up dropping out of college after a year. i would've graduated this may, so lately i've been considering going back and finishing my bachelor's. but i've been waffling on this decision because of 1) anxiety about having to drop out again, and 2) some confusion about what i actually want to study. i guess i'm wondering, is it worth it to start from scratch? my struggles were mostly about mental health stuff & difficulty keeping up with coursework—i loved being in the classroom, working with professors, learning from other students. i like being challenged intellectually, but if i have issues with followthrough, is there a way to work on that??? i know these are Big Questions, lol--whether they are answerable or not, cheers and thank you and i hope you are doing well these days. <3

hey! happy to give my thoughts, for what they're worth. you know your situation better than i do so the specifics may or may not be relevant, but i can give some advice just based on seeing lots of students pass through four-year programs!

i've worked with a number of students who took time away from college and came back to finish later. i took a year off myself in the middle of college for mental health reasons, though my school allowed you to take a two-semester leave of absence for any reason (so i always had the safety net of knowing i could come back without having to reapply or start over). in my experience, time away is almost always a good thing. sometimes people just really need that break from the stressors of the college environment! but more importantly, i think people benefit from having a few years' experience living and working in the world.

even though it can be intimidating to come back to college as an older student, i think older students or nontraditional students who took time off and came back tend to underestimate how much more confident and assured in themselves they'll be once they're back in the classroom. working out in the world for a while, even if it's not a job that you especially love or feel is relevant to your long-term goals, tends to help you build more trust in your own ability to get stuff done, manage responsibilities, and be an adult person in the world. in your time away, you've probably grown more than you think, and you may find that some of the things you struggled with at 18 just don't feel as daunting anymore. or they might feel daunting, but you also have more experience talking and working with other people, and you may feel more confident in seeking out & using your college's various academic success resources.

have you considered a two-year college as a possible next step? one of my advisees this year was an adult student who went to college for a year, dropped out, served in the military for four years, came back to do an associate's degree, and decided he liked school enough that he wanted to transfer to our university and finish his degree. (now he's going on to do a phd next fall!!!!) he's one of the most passionate advocates for community colleges i've ever met, and he's stayed actively involved in our local CC community & now mentors recent transfer students at our university. he's talked at length about how CCs are this amazing way for students to explore their interests without having to take on the huge price tag of a four-year degree, within a learning community that's much warmer, more responsive to student needs, and more accepting of the diverse paths that lead people to & through higher education. i wonder if you might consider taking a semester or a year of courses at your local CC, to dip your toes back in and see if you're still feeling energized by the experience.

you might find that some of the courses aren't intellectually challenging enough, but this might also be a wonderful opportunity to create the kind of learning experience you want to have. i was a full-time community college student for a year during my year away from yale, and while i'm sure i was just INSUFFERABLE in many ways, i had a prof in my Western Civ course who was really generous with his time/energy and met with me outside of class to help me figure out how to make the papers into something that i found really exciting and challenging to write. so the class kind of became what i made of it, and i got to read some stuff (dostoevsky!!!) that sent me down all kinds of interesting unexpected rabbitholes. the former CC grad i mentioned above was an extraordinarily bright student who would always go to office hours and ask his profs for more recommended readings, and he ended up becoming a TA for one of his courses and helped them redesign basically their entire intro humanities curriculum as a student advisor. so your CC experience can absolutely be what you make of it. and even if your profs can't give you that kind of support, you could practice doing it for yourself, setting little challenges for yourself either focused on the intellectual aspects ('I'm going to read and cite two scholarly sources in this paper, even though it's not required') or on developing strategies for effectively managing the workload ('I'm going to schedule a writing center appointment on Thurs, so I have to finish this paper two days before the deadline—and then I can devote my weekend study time to practicing for my Spanish test').

CC would be a slightly lower stakes environment for you to try out college again— lower-stakes both in the sense that it's cheaper (so if you decide you don't want to continue, you're not out as much money / don't feel compelled to go on to justify the debt you've taken on) and in the sense that the workload might be more manageable for you as you readjust to academic life and build systems & structures that work for you. as you probably have gathered from this blog, i am a HUGE believer in doing lower-stakes things many times over to build your own confidence and your trust in yourself, and then gradually scaling up the difficulty. by the time you reach the hard thing, you've already built up this strong image of yourself as a person who can handle challenges (and you've also had the chance to identify areas where you struggle & experiment with developing workable solutions).

if a two-year college isn't something you're especially interested in, i think it's definitely possible to start a four-year degree again. if that's the path you choose, i would strongly recommend reaching out to students in some of the degree programs you're tentatively interested in. people are almost always happy to share their ~wisdom~ (see: this ask response, lol) and most people love being asked for their thoughts on the pros and cons of something they know well. so you could get an honest sense from students of what the program is like, what the workload is like, and how useful or engaging people find the required courses for the degree. but also know that it's pretty normal to take courses all over in your first year or two (you have the advantage of having done a freshman year before, so you probably know this!), so you might just want to plan to try out a bunch of different things, with the goal of narrowing your focus by the end of your first year, or midway through your second.

i would also HIGHLY recommend spending lots of time familiarizing yourself with the resources your university has to offer. learn everything you can about the kind of mental health counseling and support they offer to students, and see if there are things you can set up in advance for yourself before you even step foot on campus. for instance, our university offers individual counseling, but they also have free groups that meet every week or two around different topics (coping with stress, students in recovery, etc) that are led by a counselor. check out your university's writing center or peer tutoring centers, too, and set up a standing appointment once a month or once a week or whatever, to bring in something you're working on—so that you know that every week, you're going to talk with someone about what's going well and what you're struggling with in your assignments.

you might also want to look into your university's services for students with disabilities office, as they can help you figure out if you are eligible for various kinds of accommodations or additional support (extra time on exams, notetaking services, recorded lectures, etc). i know you mentioned that you've dealt with academic struggles in grade school, too. if you think it's possible that there may be underlying learning differences that are affecting your academic work, it might be worth seeing if they can help you find lower-cost testing, so you can get a diagnosis that qualifies you for additional accommodations and university support.

many schools, esp large public universities, also have resource centers and mentoring programs for students from specific demographics who may benefit from additional structure and support in their early years of college. my university has a variety of resource centers and programs for students from low-income backgrounds, first-gen students, students who transferred from community college, etc. you don't have to take advantage of ALL of these resources, but proactively establishing a support network long before you need it is a really good way to set yourself up for success. and even just doing the research will probably help you feel more confident in your capacity to 'follow through', since you'll know that you're going into this with your eyes wide open AND with a detailed plan for what to do if you run into some of the same obstacles you encountered the first time around.

speaking of detailed plans: i find it helpful sometimes to do IF-THEN exercises with students when they're stressed about something on the horizon or unsure about whether they can handle some new challenge. IF-THEN is just what it sounds like: 'IF this thing I'm nervous about happens, THEN I'm going to do X, Y, or Z.' what i like about this exercise (i use it with myself too aha) is that it acknowledges that sometimes the thing you're dreading DOES happen. sometimes the professor you emailed for an extension says no. sometimes the TA doesn't understand why you're confused about the assignment. sometimes you don't have time to finish the reading before class. sometimes you overschedule yourself and you have to pull an all-nighter to finish two papers on the same night. scary things, confidence-shaking things, happen all the time, but they are rarely fatal! and there can be something really powerful about acknowledging and naming the thing you're concerned about, and then generating a few next steps you could take, should the thing you're dreading come to pass. i could see you doing something like this as you start thinking about the things that tripped you up last time, or made it difficult for you to balance the workload. if X happens, then what could you try next? giving yourself a few options means that you already have backup plans, too, which can make the whole situation less terrifying. if this happens, i might have to try this, or this, or this, and those things might not be the most fun or the easiest to do or the 'best' thing academically, but they'll get me through this difficult moment mostly in one piece, and once i'm through it i can look back on it and learn from it, or adjust the structures i've built for myself moving forward, to reduce the chance that X happens again.

PHEW!!! sorry this got so long but that is just the RISK YOU TAKE when sending me anons 😅 i hope that some of this is helpful to you, or at least sparks some useful thinking for you, even if it's not all directly applicable to your situation. i would say that if you love learning and find being in the classroom exhilarating, then you should absolutely go back to college! but that doesn't mean you have to go back right away, or that you have to go back and do it exactly the same way you did the first time. there are lots of possible paths to higher ed, and there's no particular rush—college will always be there, if it's something you decide you want now or at some future point in your life. i would also just reiterate again one of the core Themes of This Blog, which is that the brain is NEUROPLASTIC, and that humans have a truly astounding amazing capacity to change, grow, and learn new things (including new ways of getting around old obstacles or working through old challenges). just because you struggled the first time doesn't mean you are doomed to repeat that pattern. if you can spend some time thoughtfully reflecting on what you found most difficult to manage the first time through, you are better equipped to make plans, design new structures for yourself, and build the support networks that will help you thrive in college.

[gagmebucky]

FUCK q im so sad and angry FHSK YOU DONT HAVE TO READ THIS SUPER LONG ANNOYING RANT YOU JUST MAKE ME FEEL SAfe

OKAY SO I WORK AT A HOSPITAL and I’m going into my sophomore year of college and I wanted to get some experience in a summer job and I just do registration and I had over 20 hours of training but it was so half assed I barely learned anything!! Which is ridiculous bc there’s so many things to learn about insurances and I know literally nothing!! Whenever I have a question for the supervisors they basically tell me to figure it out myself and I’ve been doing that but last night I worked from 11PM-7AM (i just got home UGH) and it was my first shift ever at the front desk and I WAS NEVER TRAINED FOR THE FRONT DESK SO I WAS SHITTING MYSELF but it went surprisingly well?? Like there wasn’t anything too difficult to handle and i was so excited to go home BUT THEN AT 6:55 LITERALLY FIVE FUCKING MINUTES BEFORE I HAD TO CLOCK OUT THIS NURSE (HIS NAME IS FUCKING JOHN) STARTS SCREAMING AT ME

And at this point I’m so sleep deprived and confused I’m kind of just staring at him and he keeps repeating the same thing til I process it and I said sorry like 5-6 times?? BUT HE KEPT YELLING AT ME??????

JOHN was mad bc there was a patient in the waiting room who was waiting for 13 minutes and I didn’t tell him that someone was there which I agree is my fault BUT!!!!!!! John was there when I checked him in!! And in the very minimal training I had we were told to not bother the nurses unless a patient is having chest pain or difficulty breathing bc we don’t want to rush the nurses and they’ll get to it on their own time,, and John was sitting there when I checked the patient in but after I put the hospital bracelet on and everything, John left to get breakfast??? 8 of the 13 minutes the patient spent waiting was because JOHN LEFT TO GET A BAGEL - So I thought that he know there was a patient waiting but just wasn’t prioritizing him, then when he came back he was setting up his computers and equipment and I didn’t want to tell him to hurry up

But then he stomps over to me and takes his mask off and gets in my face?? Which is gross?? And he starts lecturing me about how my job is to tell him when patients are there like!!! YOUR JOB IS TO EXAMINE THE PATIENTS?? AND NOT LEAVE TO GET A BAGEL WHEN PATIENTS ARE WAITING??

And the worst part is!! I have only been working for two weeks and this is the fourth time I’ve been screamed at by a nurse and it’s ridiculous?? They doctors and nurses arent my boss and I get I have to respect them but it’s so gross they constantly yell at me and my coworkers omg. I wanted to be a nurse but now thinking about it makes me feel gross M I HATE PEOPLE OMG i spent the whole car ride crying and i want to quit but i want this job and im conflicted!! Im extremely sensitive and someone slightly raising their voice at me sends me over the edge!!!!!

OH MY GODDDDD THIS SOUNDS SO STRESSFUL IM :( FOR YOU AND 😡🔪 @ FUCKING JOHN LITERALLY WHAT A BITCH ASS PRICK YOURE IN A FIELD PREDICATED ON THE CARE OF OTHERS AND THAT DICKWAD CANT EVEN SHOW U BASIC HUMAN DECENCY??? SEND HIM TO JAIL.. EXECUTION 😡🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

and i fucking FEEL u on the being sensitive part 😭😭 esp when u treat ppl w decency and respect only to have others unnecessarily get nasty with you as if that’ll even be remotely effective!!!!! it does the exact opposite and makes u want to just stop altogether or purposely fuck things up to spite them (me 😭🕴)

but!! if it makes you feel better, something ive noticed is that it does improve over time and although initially it might bother you, you’ll get good at brushing it off and being secure in your own duties and stuff

im so sorry you had to deal w that fucking ASSHOLE i hope he trips and falls and you won’t ever have to work w him again