#everything’s fucking dirty and cluttered and loud and broken I hate it here so bad

[defsiarte]

If you live hours away for school and have the option to stay on campus for the holidays don’t even think twice just do that dude.

[spidergvven]

tips for dealing with depression and suicidal ideation

given todays news i thought some people might need this, all of it is based of my personal experience w depression and mental illness so here goes:

things that are easy for everyone else will be insurmountable obstacles for you, people will definitely make you feel bad for this whether they intend to or not, look in a mirror and say “fuck them!” say it again, yell it as loud as you can, FUCK THEM!

you probably haven’t showered in a week and thats ok, baby wipes and dry shampoo are your friend

feeling grimy and gross will make you more depressed though, if you can get up and brush your teeth and splash water on your face you will feel better if only because you accomplished something (if you feel like brushing your teeth isn’t an accomplishment go back to tip one, it is and you are doing great!)

take care of what you can when you can, remind yourself to not feel bad for not doing what you cant today

your room/apartment/house is probably a mess, thats ok. don’t try to clean up everything at once, you will not be able to do it and you will get more depressed when you don’t succeed. clean up one (1) thing and i truly do mean one, put a dirty item of clothing where your dirty laundry goes (not a pile on the floor, get a hamper/basket/cardboard box anything that will help your brain file it as organized instead of clutter) put one cup from your room in the dishwasher. the magic of this is once you do one thing you start to feel a sense of accomplishment and the bigger tasks don’t seem as scary, before you know it all the dishes are clean or you’ve done all the laundry.

reward yourself for doing the hard stuff, even if thats just getting through another day. you do not have to suffer a certain amount before you deserve nice things that make you feel good.

get some vitamins. depression destroys whatever healthy eating habits you may have had and honestly no one is getting enough vitamins these days anyways. vitamin b and d deficiency can contribute to fatigue, chronic pain and depression. 15 minutes in the sun gets you your daily dose of vitamin d, so get a sun lamp or just sit outside once a day, you don’t have to do anything, except maybe drink some water since its july. vitamin b supplements are pretty cheap, they taste like candy and give you an immediate energy boost. a multivitamin w iron will help your body get the nutrients it needs and give you more energy as well. no vitamins wont cure mental illnesses but when your body feels physically like crap along with your mind it makes everything that much worse.

exercise if you can. the catch 22 of depression is that everything that will make you feel better is almost impossible to do when you’re depressed. the reason exercise is always recommended though is because it does help release those happy little chemicals in your brain as well as helps you form a routine. which means anything that gets your heart rate up and that you can commit to doing on a regular/semi regular schedule counts as exercise. dont think you have to become a gym rat or someone who loves running to get this benefit. anything you can do to get your body moving is a good thing.

square breathing and mindfulness will reduce tension in your body and mind (it should be noted that if you are prone to dissociation traditional mindfulness can make that worse but you can also practice a modified mindfulness while doing a task to keep you present and in your body) for square breathing- sit up straight or lie on your back and breathe in through your nose to the count of four, hold for a count of four, breathe out through your mouth to a count of four, then hold for a count of four and repeat. if you cant do a four count three or two is also fine, the idea is simply that you are breathing in and out and holding for the same count. breathe as deeply as you can from your diaphragm, since so many of us spend so much time hunched over devices and computers you may need to use a back roller or a particularly firm pool noodle to open up your chest cavity and breathe properly. (this will also help your body not feel like crap because so many people have alignment issues without even realizing it, straightened out your spine and and tailbone can affect your brain patterns so much it’s almost unbelievable) its laughable when you’re supper depressed and people try to ask you “well have you tried meditation/yoga” but yoga breathing techniques and practicing being present and feeling your body and the sensations you are experiencing is actually helpful. theres a reason yoga is such a culturally important practice that has existed for centuries and its only now that western medicine is starting to recognize the science of treatments that have long been dismissed as homeopathic folk remedies. most of my physical therapy exercises now include yoga breathing and square breathing to retrain my body’s neuromuscular patterns and they always leave me feeling better emotionally too. how you breathe really does affect your brain waves.

being present in your body is hard but it helps, turn on a fan and lie in front of it, concentrating on how the air feels on your skin, the sound of the fan that you hear, your hair moving in the breeze, reconnect with your senses and surroundings. also you get the added benefit if lying in front of a fan when its hot as hell which is always nice.

dont feel bad for wanting to hurt yourself because it will only make you want to hurt yourself more

snap a rubber band against your skin or hold ice in your hand to simulate the feelings and relief of self harm without doing permanent damage buy cheap dishes from goodwill and smash them all to relieve the impulse to destroy without hurting yourself (dont do this if youll be tempted by the sharp edges of of the broken dishes) write everything you hate about yourself, your life, and the world down, then destroy it, rip it up or burn it and breathe. imagine letting it all go. you wont let it all go but it might feel a little lighter and thats good too.

make a list of reasons to stay alive, like not some philosophical big deep reasons for living, just shit you want to do. really love marvel and cant wait to see the movies they’re releasing next? thats a reason to live. cant go to the premiere of infinity war if you’re dead.

despite what some might say feeling suicidal absolutely can be triggered by other peoples actions. this doesnt mean other people are responsible for your mental health but you don’t deserve to be treated badly because your depressed and if you’re in an abusive environment you dont deserve how you’re being treated at all, you deserve to live happily and safely.

if none of these tips work for you it’s not your fault. you’re not broken. this is what ive found helps me but treatment and recovery look different for everyone and you’re not a failure bc a list of tips didn’t cure your depression. you are trying and thats what counts. please keep trying, try someone else’s tips, try therapy, try some shit that you just made up because it hurts no one and helps you even if it feels silly. just keep trying because you are worth it.

[there-willbeblood]

Chapter 16: The Weight of One Choice

STEVE'S POV

For the second time in who knows how many years, I had slept. It wasn't that light kind of sleep either. It was the full on, coma, almost death sleep that wouldn't wake anyone even if an earthquake was going on.

I opened my eyes and almost sat straight up in the strange bed until I felt a weight on my chest as it rose and fell. I looked down and saw a petite body on top of mine. I suddenly realized where I was and how I got there.

What the hell was I thinking?

The clock next to me was flashing eight and I cursed myself for staying here with Natalia. This was not a good idea. There were so many things that were going through my head but I didn't know how to sort through them.

As I looked at Natalia, I noticed that my arm was around her in a way that a normal boyfriend's would be. Is that what I was? It didn't feel right to me but as I said last night, Natalia was my joie de vivre and I really did mean that. I believed it.

Yesterday, I sat on my couch, with no intention of visiting Natalia but what was I supposed to do when she was calling me like this? She was literally pulling me towards her and I couldn't stay away. I would never admit it to anyone but I was scared for probably the first time in my life.

I didn't know what the hell I was doing.

I was beyond lying to myself. Natalia was a person who I wanted on more than a sexual level. I liked being in her company and I enjoyed just listening to her. I wasn't staring at her chest the whole time she spoke even though I would have been happy to but something about me didn't think of her as a sex symbol.

That fucking scared me.

I didn't know how to do this. How was I supposed to treat a girl right? How was I supposed to be monogamous? Did she expect me to change overnight? Was she trying to turn me into something I'm not?

I had tested out my theory that I was a different person but I wasn't. To everyone else, I was still the same cold, distant, bastard that I had always been. The weird thing was that with Natalia, I could have been any normal guy. To her, I was warm, I was attentive, I was...caring. It almost made me sick but I couldn't help it. I knew my mother could tell the change in me but I hoped no one else could. I had a certain image to uphold and I couldn't afford to appear soft.

Natalia was making me think that I would actually make a good boyfriend.

As much as I hated that word, I couldn't deny that that's what I probably was. I felt possessive over Natalia, like a boyfriend would. I felt that I should treat her better than a slut, like a boyfriend would. I wanted to show her off and tell her things about my life, like a boyfriend would.

Could I really do this?

There wasn't any harm in trying, right? The only problem was that I didn't know how to be charming and continuously good, especially not for a girl like Natalia. I was a monster, I was a bad person for her to be around but I couldn't stay away from her. I just couldn't see her on the arm of another man because she deserved someone better than these fucking college kids. Was I any better than them? Hell yeah, but there were still complications with this.

Like I said, I wanted to tell Natalia things and that was dangerous. In my line of work, outsiders couldn't be let in. I would need her to trust me fully and even though we barely knew each other, it felt like we had been together since childhood. I wanted her to know about me, I wanted to show her what my life was about. I hoped that would scare her away. She needed to leave on her own because I couldn't leave her.

I looked down again and saw the position I was in.

Natalia was sleeping with me, actually sleeping with me and we didn't have sex. That had never happened before. My arm was wrapped around her tiny body and I took a chance to run my hand against the skin of her arm that was uncovered by the shirtsleeve that went up as she slept.

She was so soft against me and I had to remind myself that she was real. Natalia was nothing like the other women who I had slept with. She was too good for me, a man like me but what was I going to do?

The main question in my mind that I was confused about was what we were to each other. Did she consider me her boyfriend? Was she my girlfriend? Did we have boundaries and rules? I didn't do those things but could I for Natalia? I answered myself 'yes' yesterday but now that I was here, in this situation, I didn't know. I was questioning myself.

What kind of relationship could we have? I didn't know how serious this could get but I felt like we were already too deep. This was dangerous but Natalia was worth it.

I sighed quietly and Natalia must have sensed my movement because she curled up closer to me, gripping at my shirt with her fingers. I think I heard her mumble in her sleep but I couldn't be sure. Her head was right under my chin and I could smell the sweet scent of her shampoo as it tempted me. The funny thing was, I didn't have any sexual urges towards her. Well, I would always be sexually attracted to her but right now, I didn't want to throw her down and fuck her. I just wanted to lay here.

I stroked her arm again and again, trying to make this feel natural. The truth was, I was like a virgin all over again. I had never had a woman who I wanted to spend time with, someone I wanted to get to know. I was awkward with my touches and didn't really know what was acceptable. Natalia was going to have to teach me.

I kissed the top of her head and just let my lips linger there, letting her taste stay with me. I didn't feel like running away or dropping her off on the street. I wanted to stay.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I made a promise to myself right there to not change for anyone but Natalia. I could be good to her but I wasn't going to be someone different just because she was here.

Natalia and I had slept over eight hours, in the same clothes we were in yesterday and I didn't even feel dirty.

Looking around her room was a different story. She might not be able to see it but I surely could. Natalia had clutter everywhere and it wasn't necessarily unclean but it sure wasn't neat. How could she live in a place like this? It was so fucking small and there wasn't even any place to put furniture.

I stared at her ratty clothes, her nearly broken laptop, her busted up cellphone and I had the sudden urge to go buy her everything under the sun because she definitely needed everything new.

My criticizing was interrupted by my stomach that growled almost loud enough that I thought Natalia would wake up. She stayed still and I let out a deep breath.

What would a normal boyfriend do in this situation? Since this was the beginning of a relationship I guess, a normal man would still be trying to flatter Natalia. Maybe I should do that. I was definitely going to have to have a talk with my father on this subject.

My stomach growled again, making me realize just how hungry I was. I hadn't eaten since maybe breakfast the morning before. I needed to get up and I made a plan to get breakfast. If I was hungry, I knew Natalia must be as well. The only problem was that we were a tangled pile of limbs.

Starting with my legs, I softly got out of Natalia's grasp although it wasn't easy without waking her. It took half an hour but I was finally able to stand up straight and stretch my much relaxed muscles. I felt like I was waking up from a coma.

I picked up the Eagle that I had stashed under Natalia's bed after she went to sleep. I always had a gun on my body wherever I went and it had never caused a problem but I was going to have to be careful that she never suspected anything.

I went into the small ass bathroom that my closet dwarfed and looked in the mirror. I was kind of shocked by what I saw. The permanent bags were gone, I looked stronger and maybe five years younger. It must be from all the sleep I was getting lately because I never looked this...healthy.

Once again, my stomach wouldn't let me sit still and I tried to find something to wash up with. Natalia's stuff was all over the counter and I had to close my eyes to keep my head from spinning at the clutter. I settled for just washing my face and running my hands through my hair. I made sure that my clothes didn't have any wrinkles in them. I would handle the rest later.

I think this was the first morning in ten years at least that I hadn't taken a shower right when I woke up. I didn't even want to think about that though.

I was about to leave the room when I stopped and thought about what a normal boyfriend would do in this situation.

I turned back to Natalia and gave her a light kiss on the cheek, "I'll be right back." I said softly.

I stood up straight and didn't feel any different after my moment of affection. It didn't feel awkward either. Maybe I could do this.

I made sure I had my wallet and phone. I left the room and shut the door with a thud and then looked down the hallway. I took one step before a very mousy looking girl popped her head out of the room next to Natalia's. She reminded me slightly of Wanda although she had blonde hair instead of black.

"Hi, I'm Jenny." She said and squinted at me.

I didn't say anything but quirked an eyebrow. I was in no mood to talk to anyone.

"I saw you come in last night with Natalia but I was waiting for you to leave. You slept over?" She gave me a suspicious look.

Instead of answering her, I just walked past towards the elevators without saying a word. They went down to the first floor and I walked into the lobby where the same guy from last night was sitting at the front desk.

"Hey dude, sweet night?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"What is wrong with you people?" I asked him, not hiding the anger in my voice.

"What?" He said innocently, "You didn't come down throughout the night so I assumed..."

"Well don't." I snapped.

"She’s hot."

I was about to pull out the gun that was in my belt to blow this guy's fucking head off but then I remembered that he was a civilian and I couldn't go swinging my gun all over the place. I calmed myself before this dude was drowning in a pool of his own blood and gave him a steely glare.

"Look, I'm going to be back in a couple of minutes so I need you to let me back up." I said without emotion.

"Oh, no can do bro." He leaned on his elbows. "Someone has to sign you in."

This would be so much easier if the guy from last week, who sent the flowers up, was still here.

"I don't want to wake her up." I was getting annoyed. "Just let me up when I come back."

"I don't think I can." He was playing with me.

I sighed angrily and pulled out my wallet before throwing a hundred at him, "I better not have to haggle with you when I get back." I said and walked out of the door, pushing myself into the chilled air of a Chicago October.

I went into the quad in front of Natalia's dorm before walking down the street that was located right near my house. I don't think I had noticed it before but she was situated basically in downtown. I navigated the early morning streets easily but for some reason, I felt like I was being followed. I walked slowly yet purposefully and pulled out my phone to make it look like I was talking to someone. I stopped on a corner and put on my sunglasses before looking around secretly.

I spotted Derek Morgan and his fucking goons as they spread out over the sidewalk. The streets were crowded so I wouldn't have noticed them if I didn't know what they looked like and to be honest, it wasn't that hard to spot a cop even in plain clothes.

Son of a bitch!

I made sure to keep my cool. It wasn't the first time I had been tailed but just like when fucking Jenny tried to talk to me, I was in no mood to deal with this. Why couldn't I have been a normal person?

I sighed and just kept walking down the beginning of State Street as people parted down to let me get by. I kept my head down and my phone to my ear so I could appear to be nonchalant. My heart wasn't beating rapidly, I wasn't sweating and I didn't have The Chill. This was just another routine morning in the life of Steve Rogers.

I went into the first Starbucks I saw and I knew Morgan was bold enough to follow me in. He was wasting his time though.

Since it was early morning and all the yuppies were out in full force, there was a line but I could wait. I stayed on my phone, now checking the news since I didn't have anything better to do.

"Nice to see you out and about." I heard Morgan’s gruff voice from behind me.

I turned around and saw him standing there with his cup of coffee and another tall man, about his size, next to him. They looked almost like brothers.

"Morgan." I nodded, "Anything I can help you with?"

He sipped his coffee. "Nope, just taking a walk."

"Following me?"

"You caught us did you?" He chuckled.

"Not that hard to spot jackasses like you." I shot back and was actually enjoying our repartee. He was a smart man when he wanted to be but just a little thick.

"We try to stay in the shadows." He sipped his coffee again. "Whatcha doing out so early?"

"Just came from visiting a friend." I moved up in line.

"Anyone we know?"

"No." I clipped. I didn't want him knowing about Natalia but there was no way to hide her from the police.

I looked from Morgan to the man standing next to him who had on jeans and a nice shirt, basically plain clothes meaning that he was trying to be undercover. I knew he had to be at least my age but he could have passed for a high schooler. He looked young.

Morgan saw me eying him, "Oh, how rude of me. This is my deputy Seth Cleary. Seth, Steve." He introduced us. We shook hands without any words between us.

"Any reason why I'm being followed?" I asked and turned my back to Morgan.

"You weren't. Us being the good friends that we are, I saw you go into the dorms last night and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

I laughed. "Bullshit. Why am I being followed?"

"You know why."

"Have you found anything yet?" I held a constant smirk on my lips.

"We will."

"You can't spend all your police time on little old me."

"Let us worry about police time. You'll slip up one day. Who were you visiting?" He asked.

I kept silent and my eyes forward.

"Another one of your conquests, no doubt." Cleary said from my right. Who the hell was this kid?

"Who was she?" Morgan moved into my eye sight. "A hot coed? Another waitress?"

My fists bunched at my side and my lips melded into a tight line. I was about to kill another person today and it was only nine in the morning. Just another piece of evidence of how I hadn't changed with anyone but Natalia.

I didn't say anything because if I blew up in this Starbucks, it wouldn't be pretty.

"Who was she, Steve?" Morgan got closer, almost in my face.

"You're lucky you have a group of fucking police outside because you're going to need them all to arrest me after I kill you." I snarled.

"Is that a threat?"

"Of course." I smiled, almost pleasantly.

I finally moved up in line to the counter.

As I ordered a full spread of coffees and breakfast pastries, I saw Morgan and his deputies leave out of the corner of my eye. I could breathe easily now that I didn't have to watch my back. That bastard would always be on my tail but I would just have to make sure that I didn't let Natalia get involved in all of this.

Did I make a bad decision? The weight of my choice to be with Natalia might be dangerous but to be honest, I couldn't fight the attraction. I might die from it.

I walked out of Starbucks with three bags of breakfast foods and a holder of four coffees. One was black, like I wanted it, but I didn't know what Natalia drank so I got her some options.

As I walked down the street, I spotted Cleary following me but he veered off about five minutes in. I knew the Feds' schedule down to a T. They would lay off of me for a week and then be back later with the same tired routine. It was pretty pathetic but they were just a formality.

I made it back to Natalia's dorm ten minutes later and the douche bag was sitting at the station with his nose in some car magazine.

"Yeah, yeah." He waved me by without a glance and I moved past.

I was in the elevator when my phone rang in my pocket. I took it out and saw that it was Thor but I didn't feel like answering him. I shoved it back in my pants and tapped my foot while the elevator went up. It dinged on Natalia's floor and I counted down until I got to her room.

That was when I suddenly realized that I didn't have a key. That provided me with a predicament.

I put my ear to the door and tried to hear what was going on over there. I couldn't hear movement but more of what sounded like sniffling. I knocked lightly and waited. There was shuffling and then Natalia opened the door.

"Hi." I said as a greeting.

She looked at me and let out a breath. "I thought...you left."

"Why would you think that?"

She shrugged, "I thought you were trying to get back at me. That would have been a very you thing to do." She half laughed and wiped her cheek.

"Were you crying?" I felt like shit because that was something that I would do normally.

"No." She got defensive, which told me that she had been. "I think I'm getting a cold." She stood aside so that I could come in.

"I brought breakfast. I wasn't gone for long." I sat on the bed and she did as well. I didn't really know how to deal with this situation. What was I supposed to say? It was obvious that she was upset with the thought of me leaving like she did with me but I had no idea how to help a crying woman.

"I wasn't crying." Natalia must have been reading my thoughts.

Her attitude towards me was kind of funny and...sweet? God, I hated the adjectives I using to describe Natalia. They weren't necessarily in my vocabulary. I didn't use words like cute, adorable. They made me sound like a pussy. I would have to watch my language.

"Steve, can I ask you something?" Natalia sat against her pillows.

"Sure." I handed her the first bag of pastries.

"You asked me to trust you last night but...how are we going to do this?"

"Do what?"

"Us, this." She gestured between us. "You don't know how to be a boyfriend, you don't know how to be monogamous, you have never been in this situation before and when I thought you left this morning, I was wondering if you would ever be able to earn my trust. I said I would but your past experiences have made me see that it isn't that simple."

I hung my head in shame. Never in my life had a woman made me feel like shit but Natalia was doing a pretty good job. Another piece of evidence of how I could go from complete Italian mobster to a pussy whipped new boyfriend in seconds.

"I can try but like I told you, I can't change who I am." I said.

"I know and I don't expect you to but how am I supposed to know that you won't walk out or that you're not screwing every girl behind my back?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"Since the first time we...had that night, I haven't even gotten hard at the thought of another woman."

She stayed silent for a second, "Is that true?"

"I wouldn't lie to you." I lied through my teeth and that almost killed me.

"Can we just...take this slow? I need to know that you won't hurt me and I hate that I'm sounding like some emotional teenager but I don't have a choice when it comes to you. You make me feel like...I'm in highschool again."

I had to laugh at that because that's exactly how I felt.

"Can we just eat breakfast? We'll worry about the rest later." I suggested and she got a slight smile on her lips.

"Thank you for this." She held up a coffee.

"I didn't know what you liked."

"This is fine. Cream and sugar." She took a sip and then licked her lips.

"Can I kiss you?" I had the sudden urge and couldn't help my words.

"I said you could last night."

I leaned in and my morning really began.

We didn't do anything more than kissing and I never thought I would say that but it felt good to just be with her in any way possible.

We ate breakfast and didn't do much but talk, but she made me laugh. Natalia was the first woman who made me laugh with her sarcasm and quick wit. Natalia had the ability to make me feel like a fucking kid and at the moment, I didn't care. We spent the whole day in her bed, not doing anything but talking and eating the stuff I got from Starbucks. At some point, I knew I was going to have to go and get some more.

We kissed whenever we felt like it and that was the best part. There were no more pretenses, no more games and no more schemes. It felt good to just be there with her. That was something I didn't think I would ever say about a woman. After a while, I didn't even really notice how messy her room was even though she kept insisting that it wasn't.

I had her set some boundaries for me because I obviously couldn't do it by myself. The trial run was over. I wanted full blown monogamy and I didn't know what was wrong with me. I didn't think of it going both ways really but then Natalia said that if I could see other girls, then she could see other guys and I wasn't having that so I had to take the hit. That was a conversation where Natalia's true nature came out.

I couldn't help but laugh when her possessiveness emerged and it was almost as strong as mine.

My phone vibrated on the bed as lunch rolled around.

"Who's calling this time?" She asked me when I looked at it.

"My brother again." I sighed. I knew why he was calling but I didn't want to deal with it.

"They seem nice." She rested her head against the pillows.

"Who, Bucky and Thor?"

"Yeah."

"They're okay. Don't tell them I said it."

"I promise."

"Don't you have studying to do?" I asked and looked around at the books on her desk next to the flowers I got her.

"Of course but one Saturday without books won't kill me." She ate a piece of the last donut.

"What are you studying?"

"Officially, literature but I think I'm going to change it to something more practical like business or law." She rolled her eyes.

"Why would you do that? Why not do what you love, which is obviously reading and writing?"

"Well unlike some of us, I don't have a massive amount of money to squander away." She climbed into my lap and pushed me up against the wall.

"I could pay for your school." I said in all seriousness.

"Steve, please." She groaned. "I don't want anymore or your money. All the dinners and boat rides, they must cost a fortune."

"So." I shrugged.

"So...I don't like it. Promise me that I won't be getting any expensive jewelry or cars."

"Hell no. I like buying stuff, especially to impress you." I kissed her.

"Careful, you're getting to be a big old softie." She giggled.

"I can't help it with you. Have I passed the boyfriend test so far?"

"A+"

"Good. Any plans for the day?" I asked her.

"No, just hanging out. You?"

"I have to leave you around..." I checked my watch. "six."

"For what?"

“Business." I answered simply.

She raised an eyebrow, "Business?"

I let out a deep breath, "Natalia, I told you that there were certain things that I can't talk about...not yet at least." I didn't know how deep this relationship was going or what was going to happen in the future but I wanted to tell Natalia about my life. The only problem was that I couldn't. Maybe later but not right now.

"So, what you're saying is, you're not a real estate agent?"

"Not exactly, no. That's all I can say." I tried to be as truthful as possible.

She nodded. "I figured."

"Does that bother you?"

"No, just make sure you're not doing anything illegal." She poked me.

"I'll try." I half chuckled. Little did she know, I did something illegal every day. "What gave me away?"

"You said you liked to be self sufficient and not live off your father's money. I looked you up online and you've sold two penthouses in the past year so the money has to be coming from somewhere."

"Stalker." I accused her.

"I just had to make sure."

After lunch, we continued to lay on her bed and do absolutely nothing. It was the first day in a long time that I did nothing productive but I would make up for it later tonight. Thor kept calling but I kept ignoring. For the time being, it was just Natalia and I.

I tried to make her study even if I didn't really want her to but she didn't seem to want to do anything but talk and I was okay with that.

"I feel like I've known you for a long time." Natalia said as we just stared at the ceiling. I had counted forty-seven spots on it and I was about to clean the whole wall but I kept my body calm.

"How is that possible? I just met you."

"I know but we're just so..." She paused. "I don't have a word for it."

"I know what you mean." I sighed.

"Do you ever get bored?" She turned to me. "I mean, you have all this money and a beautiful house but don't you ever wish you had something more?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. I just couldn't be so rich and not do anything with it. You could give back or start a charity or build a school, something."

"I never thought about that before but that's not me. I don't do those things."

"I know, but you could. How else are you going to spend all your money?"

"On you."

"I told you about giving me gifts. I don't want them." She glared at me.

"It's rude to deny someone the pleasure of giving gifts, Natalia. Shame on you."

"I've always been that way."

"Well things have to change if you're going to be my girl."

"Be your girl?" She asked slowly. "This isn't the 1950's, Steve." She rolled over laughing.

"I know. I just wanted to hear what it sounded like."

We stayed quiet for a little bit, just thinking and breathing.

My phone went off again and I took it out of my pocket with a groan. As I suspected, Thor was calling again.

"Sounds like you need to go." Natalia looked at the clock and it was almost five.

"I don't want to." I confessed.

"Duty calls." She sat up. "I understand. I wouldn't want to keep you from your real life." She grinned.

"I can always make up an excuse." I was just trying to prolong my stay. "We haven't even had sex yet."

"Whoa there, Stallion." Natalia held up her hands. "First, yes, that first time was incredible and amazing but I'm trying to work on my self control so don't expect a regular roll around."

My face fell slightly.

"Two, I need you to get tested."

"Tested?" I asked slowly.

"Yeah, I was thinking about it and I was so stupid not to ask about...what's going on down there." She pointed to my crotch.

"I used a condom."

"Which is good but I'm not getting a nasty itch from you."

I laughed, "I get one every month so you don't really have to worry about that."

She raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Well in any case, we won't be having sex everyday." She got off the bed and I followed, pulling on my shoes at the end of the bed.

"I bet I could change your mind about that." I got off of the covers and trapped her with my hands at the door.

"Steve Rogers, are you trying to bend my will?"

"Yes." I kissed her lightly on the supple skin of her neck. Her perfect neck.

She picked my face up and kissed me without any hesitation.

It felt good to have this kind of closeness with each other and for some reason, I didn't feel weird at all. Like she said, it was like we had known each other forever. How we had come to this point, I wasn't necessarily sure but I was done questioning this attraction.

If Natalia wanted to tie me up, I would let her. If she wanted me to get tested for every STD out there, I would. If she wanted to paint my nails...well I wouldn't let her do that but I hoped it never came to that.

"I really do have to go." I whispered against her lips.

Natalia nodded. "Okay. When will I see you again?"

"Tomorrow." I answered eagerly. I would have taken her with me tonight but where I was going wasn't a place she needed to be.

"Go. Thor's calling again." She laughed and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I still hadn't relinquished her from my prison so she was still trapped between my arms with her back pushed up against the door.

"He can wait."

"He's going to knock the door down." She kissed me, grabbing my shirt.

"Let him."

Twenty minutes later after a deep and breathless lip-lock, I was finally able to leave even though I didn't want to. I swear that I would have chained myself to the bed so I wouldn't have to go anywhere but business called.

I didn't bother talking to Thor because I already knew what he wanted so I just stuffed my hands in my pockets and walked back home, which was only about fifteen minutes but that was at a leisurely pace.

I went into the building and had a strong urge to just go back for Natalia, but I had work to do and I had wasted enough time today so I forced myself to buckle down. I got up to my penthouse and spent exactly twenty-seven minutes in the shower like I always did, completing my routine and then wrapped a towel around me waist. I clicked the lights in the bathroom on and then off and then on again before walking into my room.

My phone was on the bed and I looked at it to see that Thor had called another three times. I decided to answer him. It rang once before he picked up.

"I swear to God Steve, we have been looking for you all day." He grumbled. "I know. My inbox is filled with your rants." I went into the closet to find something to wear.

"Where the hell were you?

"Busy." I said and pulled on some boxers.

"Busy?"

"That's what I said. Why were you calling me all day? I'm not supposed to be at The Amber Room until nine."

"I know but Ma wanted to know where you were."

"Liar, you wanted to know where I was." I started to dress in my newly tailored, slim fitting, single buttoned, charcoal gray, Armani suit complete with a pressed white shirt and matching tie. I was only half listening to my older brother's ramblings.

"...so anyway, we have work to do tonight. Don't slack."

"I always bring my A game, especially when dealing with the Irish."

"Don't be scared of them buddy boy. I'll keep Sean in line."

I didn't even bother responding to that comment but just groaned.

"Don't be late." Thor finished our mundane conversation before hanging up.

The Irish.

What can I say about the Irish?

Well, for one thing, the Denalis perpetuated every stereotype out there about the nation that birthed leprechauns and pots of gold. Sean Sr., the ex-head, was some rich merchant who made all of his money bringing over illegal things back in the seventies. He died, leaving his son Sean Jr. in charge.

All together, there were probably a couple hundred under his command between here and Dublin. Now, Sean had whittled the entire enterprise down to cocaine from Vietnam, making the whole family name pretty much dirt in our world but we had been doing business with them for a while.

Sean was about ten years older than me, always drunk, barely understandable through his thick Irish accent and didn't really have any boundaries when it came to the law. The rest of the family included Laurent who was silent but extremely deadly. I hadn't ever heard him speak a word although I had seen him kill a man with his bare hands. He wasn't that macho and didn't have that scary a look about him but a lot of people were terrified by him. Why, I didn't know. Sean and Laurent were brothers of the worst kind. Always getting drunk and causing mayhem wherever they went.

Their youngest sister, Tanya, was a supreme bitch even though we had a few good fucks back in the day. I would say that she was the closest thing I had to a normal relationship since I was thirteen although now, I didn't have any desire to see her. I prayed that she wouldn't be at The Amber Room.

I didn't feel right talking about the Irish in a bad way because even though we were Italian, Rogers was an Irish last name by lineage. We just chose to keep it and that upset some people back in Sicily but what were they going to do about it?

I was ready to go about an hour later and spent most of my time spinning my thumbs. I really wanted to call Natalia or text her at least but I knew she was probably busy with studying so I refrained. Besides, I would see her tomorrow bright and early.

I kept an eye on my watch until it was about eight-thirty before I got up from the sofa and grabbed my keys. I was in the elevator a second later and hit the parking garage button. Of course, Bucky had to get on when we got to his floor.

"Hey, bro." He hit my shoulder hard. "Haven't seen you in about two days. Another blackout?"

"No and I don't know why you would assume I was doing something with drugs."

"I'm just going off past experiences. Where were you?"

"Out."

"Out? Like with Natalia? Wanda says you're with Natalia a lot these days." He said almost giddily.

"Damn. I forgot those two were friends." I passed a hand over my hair.

"Yeah, so what's up with that?"

"Nothing, we're just hanging out."

"Whatever." He shrugged and leaned against the wall with a knowing grin. We stayed quiet the rest of the way down.

The elevator doors dinged and we went into the parking garage. Bucky followed me to the Lamborghini, which was currently parked in a far corner.

"Can I drive?" He asked and I threw him the keys, not wanting to bother my mind with the rules of the road.

"If you get one scratch on her..." I warned.

"I know, I know." He got in the car. "You know Ma will want to meet her."

"Of course." I sighed and got in.

We raced through the newly darkened streets of the city towards one of Bucky's many clubs.

Unlike Plasma, The Amber Room was seedy and shady, to say the least. It was basically a strip club and not one of those pretentious ones that just gave the illusion of sex. It was filthy with ass, titties, and whatever else your mind could imagine. A lot of the girls who worked there gave promises to themselves that they wouldn't take off their clothes or things like that but they quickly found out that if they wanted to compete, they would have to do a little more than just slide down a pole.

Surprisingly, The Amber Room was still considered classy and had a certain amount of decorum that other strip clubs didn't.

The Amber Room was a favorite of Sean's so that's usually where we did business ,although he was distracted sometimes, but as long as he was happy, things would work out.

On our way there, I popped the floorboard under my feet and searched through my extensive collection of guns.

"Which one are you getting?" Bucky peeked into the floor.

I thought for a second before pulling out a simple Grande Puissance 35 made of black steel.

"When did you get this?" He asked and I checked the magazine.

"Dad gave it to me."

"I want one." He complained. "I never get the cool stuff." He took it from me, inspecting it.

"Give me my gun." I snatched it from him.

"I think I need to go through Dad's stash. He always keeps the good stuff."

"If you weren't so trigger happy, you might get something nice for Christmas."

"Shut up. I'm not trigger happy, I just like to shoot."

"Exactly."

We pulled through the almost packed parking lot of The Amber Room and went into the very back where I saw Thor's Mercedes. Bucky drove up next to his car. I got out as Bucky was leaning over to get a gun out of the floorboard.

"Didn't you bring your own?" I asked.

"Yeah but I want to try one of these." He dug deeper.

"Make sure that floor is locked. I don't want someone stealing my shit."

"Yeah, yeah." He locked the floor and then got out, heading into the club.

I followed quickly and stuffed my Grande into my belt.

The Amber Room was named as such for the thick amber color that flooded the whole club. It was almost red everywhere and locked almost like the color of brandy. Poles were from floor to ceiling and trained girls contorted their bodies around them.

Bucky made sure to pick only the best for his club and all the girls were exceptional in what they did. Private rooms were in the back for "special customers" who were willing to pay top dollar to live out their wildest fantasies. Men and a fair amount of women enjoyed shows on the floor while drinks were handed out by waitresses in skimpy clothes.

Bouncers and bodyguards were everywhere just in case. We had never had a big problem with security. Bucky made sure that everything was kept in order but only came in this place maybe once a week compared to his other places of business.

I walked up the stairs to the second floor offices and went into Thor's where our meeting was taking place. He was sitting at his desk with his head in a book of numbers. Bucky went to the pantry and started drinking a liberal amount of Jack Daniels in the corner.

"Where the hell were you all day?" Thor nearly bit my head off.

"With Natalia." Bucky replied before I could.

I just shot them both an evil glare.

"What, is she your girlfriend now?"

"No." I answered quickly.

"Don't lie to me, Stevie." Thor got up from his chair. "You’re so hot for her, it's almost making you seem like a real man."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means, that you're growing up." Thor had a monstrous smile on his face. "Isn't it sweet, Buck? Our baby bro is all grown up."

"The both of you can shut the hell up." I sulked to a chair and sat down gruffly.

"It's okay to be normal for once Stevie."

"It's not like I'm in love with her." I said.

"Not yet." I got a cryptic reply from Bucky who hit my head.

The intercom on Thor's phone rang and he hit the button to answer it, "Yeah."

"Sean is here. Should I send him up?"

"Yes please. Thank you." Thor fixed his tie and we all did the same.

"Get ready for him." I said under my breath.

We waited for a minute before we heard the loud and heavy footsteps of a six foot, one hundred eighty pound man.

Sean busted through the door with his arms outstretched, stinking of cheap vodka and beer.

"Hi ho, Rogers!" He spoke in a semi-thick Irish accent. "I've been waiting to see you boys again."

"Sean, my main man." Thor went to greet him and they did their normal stupid bonding thing that they did. He was the only one of us who could really stand the Irish prick.

"It's been too long." Sean patted him on the back. Laurent followed behind him with a bag, which I hoped was our stuff.

Pleasantries were exchanged and I tried to keep my distance but Sean always seemed to want to talk to me. We all kept up an act of professionalism about us except for Sean who was too hammered to really even care.

Ten minutes later, it was time to get to it.

"Okay, so what do you have for us." Thor clapped his hands together.

Sean snapped his fingers and Laurent placed his heavy briefcase on the desk. He popped it open and swung it around to us where about twenty-five, packages of tightly wrapped, cocaine were sitting in rows and columns.

"Perfect." Bucky ran his hand over one of them and picked it up. He used a Swiss Army knife to cut the pack open and fine white powder poured into his palm.

Sean began his ran. "Beautiful from the rolling hills of Vietnam."

"You can't go back to Columbia, can you?" I snickered.

"Shut up. Those stupid..." He calmed himself by taking a swig of beer. "Anyway, you won't find anything better. Cut perfectly and never touched by human hands. Only glove-wearing Asian kids get close to this stuff."

I took a sniff and felt the high already. I dipped my finger in the white power and let it rest on my tongue so that I could taste.

I didn't even think before I pulled my gun out of my belt and pointed it straight at Sean' face. It all happened so quickly but not so fast that Bucky and Thor couldn't react on the dot. They pulled weapons as well and we were standing our ground against Laurent who was silent as ever but had two impressive pieces of steel pointed between us. Sean was too slow to get anything done so he just looked at us like we were crazy.

"What the hell is going on?" He asked, slightly slurred.

"What the fuck is this shit you're pushing?" I snarled.

"It's the good stuff. What are you talking about?"

I threw the already opened bag back at him and the coke dusted his body like baby powder. It covered his face and his clothes. He blinked his eyes a couple of times and then licked his lips.

"What's wrong with it?" He shrugged.

"Don't fuck with me, Sean." I made one step and Laurent moved towards me. I was about to shove my gun down his throat when Bucky pulled me back.

"I think what Steve means to say is that this isn't what we ordered." He tried to calm things down.

"I don't see what the problem is." Sean was still messed up.

"You might be too drunk to taste it but this isn't good shit. What the hell is this cut with?" I asked, no emotion in my voice.

"The regular."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, the regular. Sugar and baking soda."

"How pure is this? Don't lie to me." I pointed my gun at him, my arm was strong enough to not get sore or tired.

His eyes shifted for one second but that was all I needed to know that he was questioning himself. "Okay, look, you can't really get pure shit anymore. It's not my fault."

"Like hell it isn't." I walked around the desk. There was a lot of movement from Bucky, Thor and Laurent but I wasn't paying any attention to them. All guns were drawn and the single slip of the finger could cause someone to lose their life. "We get what we pay for. I'm supposed to get twenty-five kilos of sixty percent pure coke. Where the hell is it?"

"You know I can't get that stuff for you. If I go back to Colombia, they'll kill me and this is all I can get from Asia."

I grabbed him roughly by his collar and shoved him towards the door. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

We were almost to the door when I felt the cool metal of a gun at my temple.

It took me one second to swing my arm around and pistol whipped the fuck out of Laurent. I heard a small crack that sounded in the air like a bottle rocket as he went down to the carpeted floor. He was a big guy so he was kind of fazed but not knocked out.

He got up and his lip was twitching in anger. He made a lunge but Bucky held his gun to Laurent's throat, his finger just centimeters from ripping his throat out.

"Okay, okay. Let's all calm down." Thor stood in between us, pushing me back, but I was about to kill the fucker.

Who the hell did he think he was?

"I can't get you anything better." Sean held his hands up, almost cowardly.

"Then I want our money back." Thor said coldly.

"I...I can't go back to Dublin empty handed." He shook his head.

"Fuck you and your humiliation. Give us our money." I almost jumped Thor to get to Laurent who was still growling at me.

Thor gave me a scolding look.

"This isn't how this night is going to play out. I'm not having the police in my club." Bucky pushed Sean out of the door/ "Come back with our money tomorrow or you can be the one who explains to Joseph why he doesn't have his order."

Sean grumbled all the way down the hall.

"Get out." I pointed at the door when Laurent didn't move.

He didn't say a word but didn't move either.

I blew a fucking hole above his head in the molding of the room and the shot rang out in the closed space. No one flinched a muscle but the intent of death was there. I would kill him if he didn't move in the next five seconds.

He backed away slowly and his eyes never left mine. He finally went out of the room and I was still reeling after ten seconds of pure silence.

"What the hell was that?" Bucky asked furiously, inspecting the ceiling.

"That fucker is going to get his ass kicked." I shoved my gun down my belt.

"Steve, you can't deal with things like that." Thor sighed.

"Why not? He tried to scam us."

"Still, you can't go killing everyone you come across. We'll be in a war we don't want."

"That's not my problem. Why is nothing up to our standards? First Shinobu and now Sean. What the hell?" I ran my hands through my hair.

"They're all scared of us."

"So why don't they get what we ask for? This is ridiculous."

"Just calm down." Bucky went to the desk and shut the briefcase. "We can use this for now and then if things don't work with Sean soon, we'll let Dad handle it."

That was a threat that no one wanted to see come true.

[anavoliselenu]

blood chapter 8

For the second time in who knows how many years, I had slept. It wasn't that light kind of sleep either. It was the full on, coma, almost death sleep that wouldn't wake anyone even if an earthquake was going on.

I opened my eyes and almost sat straight up in the strange bed until I felt a weight on my chest as it rose and fell. I looked down and saw a petite body on top of mine. I suddenly realized where I was and how I got there.

What the hell was I thinking?

fThe clock next to me was flashing eight and I cursed myself for staying here with Selena. This was not a good idea. There were so many things that were going through my head but I didn't know how to sort through them.

As I looked at Selena, I noticed that my arm was around her in a way that a normal boyfriend's would be. Is that what I was? It didn't feel right to me but as I said last night, Selena was my joie de vivrie and I really did mean that. I believed it.

Yesterday, I sat on my couch, with no intention of visiting Selena but what was I supposed to do when she was calling me like this? She was literally pulling me towards her and I couldn't stay away. I would never admit it to anyone but I was scared for probably the first time in my life.

I didn't know what the hell I was doing.

I was beyond lying to myself. Selena was a person who I wanted on more than a sexual level. I liked being in her company and I enjoyed just listening to her. I wasn't staring at her chest the whole time she spoke even though I would have been happy to but something about me didn't think of her as a sex symbol.

That fucking scared me.

I didn't know how to do this. How was I supposed to treat a girl right? How was I supposed to be monogamous? Did Selena expect me to change overnight? Was Selena trying to turn me into something I'm not?

I had tested out my theory that I was a different person but I wasn't. To everyone else, I was still the same cold, distant, bastard that I had always been. The weird thing was that with Selena, I could have been any normal guy. To her, I was warm, I was attentive, I was...caring. It almost made me sick but I couldn't help it. I knew my mother could tell the change in me but I hoped no one else could. I had a certain image to uphold and I couldn't afford to appear soft.

Selena was making me think that I would actually make a good boyfriend.

As much as I hated that word, I couldn't deny that that's what I probably was. I felt possessive over Selena, like a boyfriend would. I felt that I should treat her better than a slut, like a boyfriend would. I wanted to show her off and tell her things about my life, like a boyfriend would.

Could I really do this?

There wasn't any harm in trying, right? The only problem was that I didn't know how to be charming and continuously good, especially not for a girl like Selena. I was a monster, I was a bad person for her to be around but I couldn't stay away from her. I just couldn't see her on the arm of another man because she deserved someone better than these fucking college kids. Was I any better than them? Hell yeah I was but there were still complications with this.

Like I said, I wanted to tell Selena things and that was dangerous. In my line of work, outsiders couldn't be let in. I would need her to trust me fully and even though we barely knew each other, it felt like we had been together since childhood. I wanted her to know about me, I wanted to show her what my life was about. I hoped that would scare her away. She needed to leave on her own because I couldn't leave her.

I looked down again and saw the position I was in.

Selena was sleeping with me, actually sleeping with me and we didn't have sex. That had never happened before. My arm was wrapped around her tiny body and I took a chance to run my hand against the skin of her arm that was uncovered by the shirtsleeve that went up as she slept.

She was so soft against me and I had to remind myself that she was real. Selena was nothing like the other women who I had slept with. She was too good for me, a man like me but what was I going to do?

The main question in my mind that I was confused about was what we were to each other. Did she consider me her boyfriend? Was she my girlfriend? Did we have boundaries and rules? I didn't do those things but could I for Selena? I answered myself 'yes' yesterday but now that I was here, in this situation, I didn't know. I was questioning myself.

What kind of relationship could we have? I didn't know how serious this could get but I felt like we were already too deep. This was dangerous but Selena was worth it.

I sighed quietly and Selena must have sensed my movement because she curled up closer to me, gripping at my shirt with her fingers. I think I heard her mumble in her sleep but I couldn't be sure. Her head was right under my chin and I could smell the sweet scent of her shampoo as it tempted me. The funny thing was, I didn't have any sexual urges towards her. Well, I would always be sexually attracted to her but right now, I didn't want to throw her down and fuck her. I just wanted to lay here.

I stroked her arm again and again, trying to make this feel natural. The truth was, I was like a virgin all over again. I had never had a woman who I wanted to spend time with, someone I wanted to get to know. I was awkward with my touches and didn't really know what was acceptable. Selena was going to have to teach me.

I kissed the top of her head and just let my lips linger there, letting her taste stay with me. I didn't feel like running away or dropping her off on the street. I wanted to stay.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I made a promise to myself right there to not change for anyone but Selena. I could be good to her but I wasn't going to be someone different just because she was here.

Selena and I had slept over eight hours, in the same clothes we were in yesterday and I didn't even feel dirty.

Looking around her room was a different story. She might not be able to see it but I surely could. Selena had clutter everywhere and it wasn't necessarily unclean but it sure wasn't neat. How could she live in a place like this? It was so fucking small and there wasn't even any place to put furniture.

I stared at her ratty clothes, her nearly broken laptop, her busted up cellphone and I had the sudden urge to go buy her everything under the sun because she definitely needed everything new.

My criticizing was interrupted by my stomach that growled almost loud enough that I thought Selena would wake up. She stayed still and I let out a deep breath.

What would a normal boyfriend do in this situation? Since this was the beginning of a relationship I guess, a normal man would still be trying to flatter Selena. Maybe I should do that. I was definitely going to have to have a talk with my father on this subject.

My stomach growled again, making me realize just how hungry I was. I hadn't eaten since maybe breakfast the morning before. I needed to get up and I made a plan to get breakfast. If I was hungry, I knew Selena must be as well. The only problem was that we were a tangled pile of limbs.

Starting with my legs, I softly got out of Selena's grasp although it wasn't easy without waking her. It took half an hour but I was finally able to stand up straight and stretch my much relaxed muscles. I felt like I was waking up from a coma.

I picked up the Eagle that I had stashed under Selena's bed after she went to sleep. I always had a gun on my body wherever I went and it had never caused a problem but I was going to have to be careful that she never suspected anything.

I went into the small ass bathroom that my closet dwarfed and looked in the mirror. I was kind of shocked by what I saw. The permanent bags were gone, I looked stronger and maybe five years younger. It must be from all the sleep I was getting lately because I never looked this...healthy.

Once again, my stomach wouldn't let me sit still and I tried to find something to wash up with. Selena's stuff was all over the counter and I had to close my eyes to keep my head from spinning at the clutter. I settled for just washing my face and running my hands through my hair. I made sure that my clothes didn't have any wrinkles in them. I would handle the rest later.

I think this was the first morning in ten years at least that I hadn't taken a shower right when I woke up. I didn't even want to think about that though.

I was about to leave the room when I stopped and thought about what a normal boyfriend would do in this situation.

I turned back to Selena and gave her a light kiss on the cheek, "I'll be right back." I said softly.

I stood up straight and didn't feel any different after my moment of affection. It didn't feel awkward either. Maybe I could do this.

I made sure I had my wallet and phone. I left the room and shut the door with a thud and then looked down the hallway. I took one step before a very mousy looking girl popped her head out of the room next to Selena's. She reminded me slightly of Alice although she had blonde hair instead of black.

"Hi, I'm Janice." She said and eyed me up.

I didn't say anything but just quirked an eyebrow. I was in no mood to talk to anyone.

"I saw you come in last night with Selena but I was waiting for you to leave. You slept over?" She gave me a suspicious look.

Instead of answering her, I just walked past towards the elevators without saying a word. They went down to the first floor and I walked into the lobby where the same guy from last night was sitting at the front desk.

"Hey dude, sweet night?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"What is wrong with you people?" I asked him, not hiding the anger in my voice.

"What?" He said innocently, "You didn't come down throughout the night so I assumed..."

"Well don't." I snapped.

"She was hot."

I was about to pull out the gun that was in my belt to blow this guy's fucking head off but then I remembered that he was a civilian and I couldn't go swinging my gun all over the place. I calmed myself before this dude was drowning in a pool of his own blood and gave him a steely glare.

"Look, I'm going to be back in a couple of minutes so I need you to let me back up." I said without emotion.

"Oh, no can do bro." He leaned on his elbows, "Someone has to sign you in."

This would be so much easier if the guy from last week, who sent the flowers up, was still here.

"I don't want to wake her up." I was getting annoyed, "Just let me up when I come back."

"I don't think I can." He was playing with me.

I sighed angrily and pulled out my wallet before throwing a hundred at him, "I better not have to haggle with you when I get back." I said and walked out of the door, pushing myself into the chilled air of a Chicago October.

I went into the quad in front of Selena's dorm before walking down the street that was located right near my house. I don't think I had noticed it before but she was situated basically in downtown. I navigated the early morning streets easily but for some reason, I felt like I was being followed.

I walked slowly yet purposefully and pulled out my phone to make it look like I was talking to someone. I stopped on a corner and put on my sunglasses before looking around secretly.

I spotted Jacob Black and his fucking goons as they spread out over the sidewalk. The streets were crowded so I wouldn't have noticed them if I didn't know what they looked like and to be honest, it wasn't that hard to spot a cop even in plain clothes.

Son of a bitch!

I made sure to keep my cool. It wasn't the first time I had been tailed but just like this morning when fucking Janice tried to talk to me, I was in no mood to deal with this. Why couldn't I have been just a normal boyfriend?

I sighed and just kept walking down the beginning of State Street as people parted down to let me get by. I kept my head down and my phone to my ear so I could appear to be nonchalant. My heart wasn't beating, I wasn't sweating and I didn't have The Chill. This was just another routine morning in the life of Justin Bieber.

I went into the first Starbucks I saw and I knew Black was just bold enough to follow me in. He was wasting his time though.

Since it was early morning and all the yuppies were out in full force, there was a line but I could wait.

I stayed on my phone, now checking the news since I didn't have anything better to do.

"Nice to see you out and about." I heard Black's gruff voice from behind me.

I turned around and saw him standing there with his cup of coffee and another tall man, about his size, next to him. They looked almost like brothers.

"Black." I nodded, "Anything I can help you with?"

He sipped his coffee, "No, just taking a walk."

"Following me?"

"You caught us did you?" He chuckled.

"Not that hard to spot jackasses like you." I shot back and was actually enjoying our repartee. He was a smart man when he wanted to be but just a little thick.

"We try to stay in the shadows." He sipped his coffee again, "Whatcha doing out so early?"

"Just came from visiting a friend." I moved up in line.

"Anyone we know?"

"No." I clipped. I didn't want him knowing about Selena but there was no way to hide her from the police.

I looked from Black to the man standing next to him who had on jeans and a nice shirt, basically plain clothes meaning that he was trying to be undercover. I knew he had to be at least my age but could have passed for a high schooler. He looked that young.

Black saw me eying him, "Oh, how rude of me. This is my deputy Seth Clearwater. Seth, Justin." He introduced us. We shook hands without any words between us.

"Any reason why I'm being followed?" I asked and turned my back to Black.

"You weren't. Us being the good friends that we are, I saw you go into the dorms last night and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

I laughed, "Bullshit. Why am I being followed?"

"You know why."

"Have you found anything yet?" I held a constant smirk on my lips.

"We will."

"You can't spend all your police time on little old me."

"Let us worry about police time. You'll slip up one day. Who were you visiting?" He asked.

I kept silent and my eyes forward.

"Another one of your conquests, no doubt." Clearwater said from my right.

Who the hell was this kid?

"Who was she?" Black moved into my eye sight, "A hot coed? Another waitress?"

My fists bunched at my side and my lips melded into a tight line. I was about to kill another person today and it was only nine in the morning. Just another piece of evidence of how I hadn't changed with anyone but Selena.

I didn't say anything because if I blew up in this Starbucks, it wouldn't be pretty.

"Who was she, Justin?" Black got closer, almost in my face.

"You're lucky you have a group of fucking police outside because you're going to need them all to arrest me after I kill you." I snarled.

"Is that a threat?"

"Of course." I smiled, almost pleasantly.

I finally moved up in line to the counter.

As I ordered a full spread of coffees and breakfast pastries, I saw Black and his deputies leave out of the corner of my eye. I could breathe easily now that I didn't have to watch my back. That bastard would always be on my tail but I would just have to make sure that I didn't let Selena get involved in all of this.

Did I make a bad decision? The weight of my choice to be with Selena might be dangerous but to be honest, I couldn't fight the attraction. I might die from it.

I walked out of Starbucks with three bags of breakfast stuff and a holder of four coffees. One was black, like I wanted it, but I didn't know what Selena drank so I got her some options.

As I walked down the street, I spotted Clearwater following me but he veered off about five minutes in. I knew the Feds' schedule down to a T. They would lay off of me for a week and then be back later with the same tired routine. It was pretty pathetic but they were just a formality.

I made it back to Selena's dorm ten minutes later and the douche bag was sitting at the station with his nose in some car magazine.

"Yeah, yeah." He waved me by without a glance and I moved past.

I was in the elevator when my phone rang in my pocket. I took it out and saw that it was Emmett but I didn't feel like answering him. I shoved it back in my pants and tapped my foot while the elevator went up. It dinged on Selena's floor and I counted down until I got to her room.

That was when I suddenly realized that I didn't have a key. That provided me with a predicament.

I put my ear to the door and tried to hear what was going on over there. I couldn't hear movement but more of what sounded like sniffling. I knocked lightly and waited. There was shuffling and then Selena opened the door.

"Hi." I said as a greeting.

She looked at me and let out a breath, "I thought...you left."

"Why would you think that?"

She shrugged, "I thought you were trying to get back at me. That would have been a very you thing to do." She half laughed and wiped her cheek.

"Were you crying?" I felt like shit because that was something that I would do normally.

"No." She got defensive, which told me that she had, "I think I'm getting a cold." She stood aside so that I could come in.

"I brought breakfast. I wasn't gone for long." I sat on the bed and she did as well. I didn't really know how to deal with this situation. What was I supposed to say? It was obvious that she was upset with the thought of me leaving like she did with me but I had no idea how to help a crying woman.

"I wasn't crying." Selena must have been reading my thoughts.

Her attitude towards me was kind of funny and...sweet? God, I hated the adjectives I using to describe Selena. They weren't necessarily in my vocabulary. I didn't use words like cute, adorable. They made me sound like a pussy. I would have to watch my language.

"Justin, can I ask you something?" Selena sat against her pillows.

"Sure." I handed her the first bag of pastries.

"You asked me to trust you last night but...how are we going to do this?"

"Do what?"

"Us, this." She pointed between us, "You don't know how to be a boyfriend, you don't know how to be monogamous, you have never been in this situation before and when I thought you left this morning, I was wondering if you would ever be able to earn my trust. I said I would but your past experiences have made me see that it isn't that simple."

I hung my head in shame and felt like a child. Never in my life had a woman made me feel like shit but Selena was doing a pretty good job. Another piece of evidence of how I could go from complete Italian mobster to a pussy whipped, new boyfriend in seconds.

"I can try but like I told you, I can't change who I am." I said.

"I know and I don't expect you to but how am I supposed to know that you won't walk out or that you're not screwing every girl behind my back?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"Since the first time we...had that night, I haven't even gotten hard at the thought of another woman."

She stayed silent for a second, "Is that true?"

"I wouldn't lie to you." I lied out of my teeth and that almost killed me.

"Can we just...take this slow? I need to know that you won't hurt me and I hate that I'm sounding like some emotional teenager but I don't have a choice when it comes to you. You make me feel like...I'm in high school again."

I had to laugh at that because that's exactly how I felt.

"Can we just eat breakfast? We'll worry about the rest later." I suggested and she got a slight smile on her lips.

"Thank you for this." She held up a coffee.

"I didn't know what you liked."

"This is fine. Cream and sugar." She took a sip and then licked her lips.

"Can I kiss you?" I had the sudden urge and couldn't help my words.

"I said you could last night."

I leaned in and my morning really began.

We didn't do anything more than kissing and I never thought I would say that but it felt good to just be with her in any way possible.

We ate breakfast and didn't do much but talk but she made me laugh. Selena was the first woman who made me laugh with her sarcasm and quick wit. Selena had the ability to make me feel like a fucking kid and at the moment, I didn't care. We spent the whole day in her bed, not doing anything but talking and eating the stuff I got from Starbucks. At some point, I knew I was going to have to go and get some more.

We kissed whenever we felt like it and that was the best part. There were no more pretenses, no more games and no more schemes. It felt good to just be there with her. That was something I didn't think I would ever say about a woman. After a while, I didn't even really notice how messy her room was even though she kept insisting that it wasn't.

I had her set some boundaries for me because I obviously couldn't do it by myself. The trial run was over. I wanted full blown monogamy and I didn't know what was wrong with me. I didn't think of it going both ways really but then Selena said that if I could see other girls, then she could see other guys and I wasn't having that so I had to take the hit. That was a conversation where Selena's true nature came out.

I couldn't help but laugh when her possessiveness emerged and it was almost as strong as mine.

My phone vibrated on the bed as lunch rolled around.

"Who's calling this time?" She asked me when I looked at it.

"My brother again." I sighed. I knew why he was calling but I didn't want to deal with it.

"They seem nice." She rested her head against the pillows.

"Who, Jasper and Emmett?"

"Yeah."

"They're okay. Don't tell them I said it."

"I promise."

"Don't you have studying to do?" I asked and looked around at the books on her desk next to the flowers I got her.

"Of course but one Saturday without books won't kill me." She ate a piece of the last donut.

"What are you studying?"

"Officially, literature but I think I'm going to change it to something more practical like business or law." She rolled her eyes.

"Why would you do that? Why not do what you love, which is obviously reading and writing?"

"Well unlike some of us, I don't have a massive amount of money to squander away." She climbed into my lap and pushed me up against the wall.

"I could pay for your school." I said in all seriousness.

"Justin, please." She groaned, "I don't want anymore or your money. All the dinners and boat rides, they must cost a fortune."

"So." I shrugged.

"So...I don't like it. Promise me that I won't be getting any expensive jewelry or cars."

"Hell no. I like buying stuff, especially to impress you." I kissed her.

"Careful, you're getting to be a big old softie." She giggled.

"I can't help it with you. Have I passed the boyfriend test so far?"

"A+"

"Good. Any plans for the day?" I asked her.

"No, just hanging out. You?"

"I have to leave you around..." I checked my watch, "...six."

"For what?"

"Business." I answered simply.

She raised an eyebrow, "Business?"

I let out a deep breath, "Selena, I told you that there were certain things that I can't talk about...not yet at least." I didn't know how deep this relationship was going or what was going to happen in the future but I wanted to tell Selena about my life. The only problem was that I couldn't. Maybe later but not right now.

"So, what you're saying is, you're not a real estate agent?"

"Not exactly, no. That's all I can say." I tried to be as truthful as possible.

She nodded, "I figured."

"Does that bother you?"

"No, just make sure you're not doing anything illegal." She poked me.

"I'll try." I half chuckled. Little did she know, I did something illegal every day, "What gave me away?"

"You said you liked to be self sufficient and not live off your father's money. I looked you up online and you've sold two penthouses in the past year so the money has to be coming from somewhere."

"Stalker." I accused her.

"I just had to make sure."

After lunch, we continued to lay on her bed and do absolutely nothing. It was the first day in a long time that I did nothing productive but I would make up for it later tonight. Emmett kept calling but I kept ignoring. For the time being, it was just Selena and I.

I tried to make her study even if I didn't really want her to but she didn't seem to want to do anything but talk and I was okay with that.

"I feel like I've known you for a long time." Selena said as we just stared at the ceiling. I had counted forty-seven spots on it and I was about to clean the whole wall but I kept my body calm.

"How is that possible? I just met you."

"I know but we're just so..." She paused, "I don't have a word for it."

"I know what you mean." I sighed.

"Do you ever get bored?" She turned to me, "I mean, you have all this money and a beautiful house but don't you ever wish you had something more?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. I just couldn't be so rich and not do anything with it. You could give back or start a charity or build a school, something."

"I never thought about that before but that's not me. I don't do those things."

"I know, but you could. How else are you going to spend all your money?"

"On you."

"I told you about giving me gifts. I don't want them." She glared at me.

"It's rude to deny someone the pleasure of giving gifts, Selena. Shame on you."

"I've always been that way."

"Well things have to change if you're going to be my girl."

"Be your girl?" She said slowly, "This isn't the 1950's, Justin." Selena rolled over laughing.

"I know. I just wanted to hear what it sounded like."

We stayed quiet for a little bit, just thinking and breathing.

My phone went off again and I took it out of my pocket with a groan. As I suspected, Emmett was calling again.

"Sounds like you need to go." Selena looked at the clock and it was almost five.

"I don't want to." I said honestly.

"Duty calls." She sat up, "I understand. I wouldn't want to keep you from your real life." She grinned.

"I can always make up an excuse." I was just trying to prolong my stay, "We haven't even had sex yet."

"Whoa there, Stallion." Selena held up her hands, "First, yes, that first time was incredible and amazing but I'm trying to work on my self control so don't expect a regular roll around."

My face fell slightly.

"Two, I need you to get tested."

"Tested?" I asked slowly.

"Yeah, I was thinking about it and I was so stupid not to ask about...what's going on down there." She pointed to my crotch.

"I used a condom."

"Which is good but I'm not getting a nasty itch from you."

I laughed, "I get one every month so you don't really have to worry about that."

She raised an eyebrow skeptically, "Well in any case, we won't be having sex everyday." She got off the bed and I followed, pulling on my loafers at the end of the bed.

"I bet I could change your mind about that." I got off of the covers and trapped her with my hands at the door.

"Justin Bieber, are you trying to bend my will?"

"Yes." I kissed her lightly on the supple skin of her neck. Her perfect neck.

She picked my face up and kissed me without any hesitation.

It felt good to have this kind of closeness with each other and for some reason, I didn't feel weird at all. Like she said, it was like we had known each other forever. How we had come to this point, I wasn't necessarily sure but I was done questioning this attraction.

If Selena wanted to tie me up, I would let her. If she wanted me to get tested for every STD out there, I would. If she wanted to paint my nails...well I wouldn't let her do that but I hoped it never came to that.

"I really do have to go." I whispered against her lips.

Selena nodded, "Okay. When will I see you again?"

"Tomorrow." I answered eagerly. I would have taken her with me tonight but where I was going wasn't a place she needed to be.

"Go. Emmett's calling again." She laughed and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I still hadn't relinquished her from my prison so she was still trapped between my arms with her back pushed up against the door.

"He can wait."

"He's going to knock the door down." She kissed me, grabbing my shirt.

"Let him."

Twenty minutes later after a deep and breathless lip-lock, I was finally able to leave even though I didn't want to. I swear that I would have chained myself to the bed so I wouldn't have to go anywhere but business called.

I didn't bother talking to Emmett because I already knew what he wanted so I just stuffed my hands in my pockets and walked back home, which was only about fifteen minutes but that was at a leisurely pace.

I went into the building and had a strong urge to just go back for Selena but I had work to do and I had wasted enough time today so I forced myself to buckle down. I got up to my penthouse and spent exactly twenty-seven minutes in the shower like I always did, completing my routine and then wrapped a towel around me waist. I clicked the lights in the bathroom on and then off and then on again before walking into my room.

My phone was on the bed and I looked at it to see that Emmett had called another three times.

I decided to answer him. It rang once before he picked up.

"I swear to God Justin, we have been looking for you all day." He grumbled.

"I know. My inbox is filled with your rants." I went into the closet to find something to wear.

"Where the hell were you?

"Busy." I answered and pulled on some boxers.

"Busy?"

"That's what I said. Why were you calling me all day? I'm not supposed to be at The Amber Room until nine."

"I know but Ma wanted to know where you were."

"Liar, you wanted to know where I was." I started to dress in my newly tailored, slim fitting, single buttoned, charcoal gray, Armani suit complete with a pressed white shirt and matching tie. I was only half listening to my older brother's ramblings.

"...so anyway, we have work to do tonight. Don't slack."

"I always bring my A game, especially when dealing with the Irish."

"Don't be scared of them buddy boy. I'll keep James in line."

I didn't even bother responding to that comment but just groaned.

"Don't be late." Emmett finished our mundane conversation before hanging up.

The Irish.

What can I say about the Irish?

Well, for one thing, the Denalis perpetuated every stereotype out there about the nation that birthed leprechauns and pots of gold. James Sr., the ex-head, was some rich merchant who made all of his money bringing over illegal things back in the seventies. He died, leaving his son James Jr. in charge.

All together, there were probably a couple hundred under his command between here and Dublin. Now, James had whittled the entire enterprise down to cocaine from Vietnam, making the whole family name pretty much dirt in our world but we had been doing business with them for a while.

James was about ten years older than me, always drunk, barely understandable through his thick Irish accent and didn't really have any boundaries when it came to the law. The rest of the family included Laurent who was silent but extremely deadly. I hadn't ever heard him speak a word although I had seen him kill a man with his bare hands. He wasn't that macho and didn't have that scary a look about him but a lot of people were terrified by him. Why, I didn't know. James and Laurent were brothers of the worst kind. Always getting drunk and causing mayhem wherever they went.

Their youngest sister was Tanya and she was a supreme bitch even though we had a few good fucks back in the day. I would say that she was the closest thing I had to a normal relationship since I was thirteen although now, I didn't have any desire to see her. I prayed that she wouldn't be at The Amber Room.

I didn't feel right talking about the Irish in a bad way because even though we were Italian, Bieber was an Irish last name by lineage. We just chose to keep it and that upset some people back in Sicily but what were they going to do about it?

I was ready to go about an hour later and spent most of my time spinning my thumbs. I really wanted to call Selena or text her at least but I knew she was probably busy with studying so I refrained. Besides, I would see her tomorrow bright and early.

I kept an eye on my watch until it was about eight-thirty before I got up from the sofa and grabbed my keys. I was in the elevator a second later and hit the parking garage button. Of course, Jasper had to get on when we got to his floor.

"Hey, bro." He hit my shoulder hard, "Haven't seen you in about two days. Another blackout?"

"No and I don't know why you would assume I was doing something with drugs."

"I'm just going off past experiences. Where were you?"

"Out."

"Out? Like with Selena? Alice says you're with Selena a lot these days." He said almost giddily.

"Damn. I forgot those two were friends." I passed a hand over my hair.

"Yeah, so what's up with that?"

"Nothing, we're just hanging out."

"Whatever." He shrugged and leaned against the wall with a knowing grin. We stayed quiet the rest of the way down.

The elevator doors dinged and we went into the parking garage. Jasper followed me to the Saleen, which was currently parked in a far corner.

"Can I drive?" He asked and I threw him the keys, not wanting to bother my mind with the rules of the road.

"If you get one scratch on her..." I warned.

"I know, I know." He got in the car, "You know Ma will want to meet her."

"Of course." I sighed and got in.

We raced through the newly darkened streets of the city towards one of Jasper's many clubs.

Unlike Plasma, The Amber Room was seedy and shady to say the least. It was basically a strip club and not one of those pretentious ones that just gave the illusion of sex. It was filthy with ass, titties, and whatever else your mind could imagine. A lot of the girls who worked there gave promises to themselves that they wouldn't take off their clothes or things like that but they quickly found out that if they wanted to compete, they would have to do a little more than just slide down a pole.

Surprisingly, The Amber Room was still classy and had a certain amount of decorum that other strip clubs didn't.

The Amber Room was a favorite of James' so that's usually where we did business although he was distracted sometimes but as long as he was happy, things would work out.

On our way there, I popped the floorboard under my feet and searched through my extensive collection of guns.

"Which one are you getting?" Jasper peeked into the floor.

I thought for a second before pulling out a simple Grande Puissance 35 made of black steel.

"When did you get this?" He asked and I checked the magazine.

"Dad gave it to me."

"I want one." He complained, "I never get the cool stuff." He took it from me, inspecting it.

"Give me my gun." I snatched it from him.

"I think I need to go through Dad's stash. He always keeps the good stuff."

"If you weren't so trigger happy, you might get something nice for Christmas."

"Shut up. I'm not trigger happy, I just like to shoot."

"Exactly."

We pulled through the almost packed parking lot of The Amber Room and went into the very back where I saw Emmett's Mercedes. Jasper drove up next to his car. I got out as Jasper was leaning over to get a gun out of the floorboard.

"Didn't you bring your own?" I asked.

"Yeah but I want to try one of these." He dug deeper.

"Make sure that floor is locked. I don't want someone stealing my shit."

"Yeah, yeah." He locked the floor and then got out, heading into the club.

I followed quickly and stuffed my Grande into my belt.

The Amber Room was named as such for the thick amber color that flooded the whole club. It was almost red everywhere and locked almost like the color of brandy. Poles were from floor to ceiling and trained girls contorted their bodies around them.

Jasper made sure to pick only the best for his club and all the girls were exceptional in what they did.

Private rooms were in the back for "special customers" who were willing to pay top dollar to live out their wildest fantasies. Men and a fair amount of women enjoyed shows on the floor while drinks were handed out by waitresses in skimpy clothes.

Bouncers and bodyguards were everywhere just in case. We had never had a big problem with security. Jasper made sure that everything was kept in order but only came in this place maybe once a week compared to his other places of business.

I walked up the stairs to the second floor offices and went into Emmett's where our meeting was taking place. He was sitting at his desk with his head in a book of numbers. Jasper went to the pantry and started drinking a liberal amount of Jack Daniels in the corner.

"Where the hell were you all day?" Emmett nearly bit my head off.

"With Selena." Jasper replied before I could.

I just shot them both an evil glare.

"What, is she your girlfriend now?"

"No." I answered quickly.

"Don't lie to me, Eddie." Emmett got up from his chair, "You are so hot for her, it's almost making you seem like a real man."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means, that you're growing up." Emmett had a monstrous smile on his face, "Isn't it sweet, Jazz? Our baby bro is all grown up."

"The both of you can shut the hell up." I sulked to a chair and sat down gruffly.

"It's okay to be normal for once Eddie."

"It's not like I'm in love with her." I said.

"Not yet." I got a cryptic reply from Jasper who hit my head.

The intercom on Emmett's phone rang and he hit the button to answer it, "Yeah."

"James is here. Should I send him up."

"Yes please. Thank you." Emmett fixed his tie and we all did the same.

"Get ready for him." I said under my breath.

We waited for a minute before we heard the loud and heavy footsteps of a six foot, one hundred eighty pound man.

James busted through the door with his arms outstretched, stinking of cheap vodka and beer.

"Hi ho, Cullens!" He spoke in a semi-thick Irish accent, "I've been waiting to see you boys again."

"James, my main man." Emmett went to greet him and they did their normal stupid bonding thing that they did. He was the only one of us who could really stand the Irish prick.

"It's been too long." James patted him on the back. Laurent followed behind him with a bag, which I hoped was our stuff.

Pleasantries were exchanged and I tried to keep my distance but James always seemed to want to talk to me. We all kept up an act of professionalism about us except for James who was too hammered to really even care.

Ten minutes later, it was time to get to it.

"Okay, so what do you have for us." Emmett clapped his hands together.

James snapped his fingers and Laurent placed his heavy briefcase on the desk. He popped it open and swung it around to us where about twenty-five, packages of tightly wrapped, cocaine were sitting in rows and columns.

"Perfect." Jasper ran his hand over one of them and picked it up. He used a Swiss Army knife to cut the pack open and fine white powder poured into his palm.

James began his rant, "Beautiful from the rolling hills of Vietnam."

"You can't go back to Columbia, can you?" I snickered.

"Shut up. Those stupid..." He calmed himself by taking a swig of beer, "Anyway, you won't find anything better. Cut perfectly and never touched by human hands. Only glove wearing Asian kids get close to this stuff."

I took a sniff and felt the high already. I dipped my finger in the white power and let it rest on my tongue so that I could taste.

I didn't even think before I pulled my gun out of my belt and pointed it straight at James' face. It all happened so quickly but not so fast that Jasper and Emmett couldn't react on the dot. They pulled weapons as well and we were standing our ground against Laurent who was silent as ever but had two impressive pieces of steel pointed between us. James was too slow to get anything done so he just looked at us like we were crazy.

"What the hell is going on?" He asked, slightly slurred.

"What the fuck is this shit you're pushing?" I snarled.

"It's the good stuff. What are you talking about?"

I threw the already opened bag back at him and the coke dusted his body like baby powder. It covered his face and his clothes. He blinked his eyes a couple of times and then licked his lips.

"What's wrong with it?" He shrugged.

"Don't fuck with me, James." I made one step and Laurent moved towards me. I was about to shove my gun down his throat when Jasper pulled me back.

"I think what Justin means to say is that this isn't what we ordered." He tried to calm things down.

"I don't see what the problem is." James was still messed up.

"You might be too drunk to taste it but this isn't good shit. What the hell is this cut with?" I asked, no emotion in my voice.

"The regular."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, the regular. Sugar and backing soda."

"How pure is this? Don't lie to me." I pointed my gun at him, my arm was strong enough to not get sore or tired.

His eyes shifted for one second but that was all I needed to know that he was questioning himself, "Okay, look, you can't really get pure shit anymore. It's not my fault."

"Like hell it isn't." I walked around the desk. There was a lot of movement from Jasper, Emmett and Laurent but I wasn't paying any attention to them. All guns were drawn and the single slip of the finger could cause someone to lose their life, "We get what we pay for. I'm supposed to get twenty-five kilos of sixty percent pure coke. Where the hell is it?"

"You know I can't get that stuff for you. If I go back to Colombia, they'll kill me and this is all I can get from Asia."

I grabbed him roughly by his collar and shoved him towards the door, "Don't make promises you can't keep."

We were almost to the door when I felt the cool metal of a gun at my temple.

It took me one second to swing my arm around and pistol whipped the fuck out of Laurent. I heard a small crack that sounded in the air like a bottle rocket as he went down to the carpeted floor. He was a big guy so he was kind of fazed but not knocked out.

He got up and his lip was twitching in anger. He made a lunge but Jasper held his gun to Laurent's throat, his finger just centimeters from ripping his throat out.

"Okay, okay. Let's all calm down." Emmett stood in between us, pushing me back but I was about to kill the fucker.

Who the hell did he think he was?

"I can't get you anything better." James held his hands up, almost cowardly.

"Then I want our money back." Emmett said coldly.

"I...I can't go back to Dublin empty handed." He shook his head.

"Fuck you and your humiliation. Give us our money." I almost jumped Emmett to get to Laurent who was still growling at me.

Emmett gave me a scolding look.

"This isn't how this night is going to play out. I'm not having the police in my club." Jasper pushed James out of the door, "Come back with our money tomorrow or you can be the one who explains to Carlisle why he doesn't have his order."

James grumbled all the way down the hall.

"Get out." I pointed at the door when Laurent didn't move.

He didn't say a word but didn't move either.

I blew a fucking hole above his head in the molding of the room and the shot rang out in the closed space. No one flinched a muscle but the intent of death was there. I would kill him if he didn't move in the next five seconds.

He backed away slowly and his eyes never left mine. He finally went out of the room and I was still reeling after ten seconds of pure silence.

"What the hell was that?" Jasper asked furiously, inspecting the ceiling.

"That fucker is going to get his ass kicked." I shoved my gun down my belt.

"Justin, you can't deal with things like that." Emmett sighed.

"Why not? He tried to scam us."

"Still, you can't go killing everyone you come across. We'll be in a war we don't want."

"That's not my problem. Why is nothing up to our standards? First Shinobu and now James. What the hell?" I ran my hands through my hair.

"They're all scared of us."

"So why don't they get what we ask for? This is ridiculous."

"Just calm down." Jasper went to the desk and shut the briefcase, "We can use this for now and then if things don't work with James soon, we'll let Dad handle it."

That was a threat that no one wanted to see come true.

Just like many mornings before, I was woken up by a sharp knocking at my door. To be more correct, it was a loud banging so I already knew who it was.

"Alice, go away." I yelled and covered my head with my pillow.

"No, let me in."

"I mean it, Alice!" I looked at the clock and saw that it was six fucking thirty in the morning.

There was no way in hell I was getting up this early, especially on a Sunday. She must not know me because nothing in our past history suggested that I would ever wake up at this time.

Justin had left me last night around five and since then, I had been studying. I needed to nearly bury my head in books because I had wasted so much time with him over the past two days, not that I was complaining.

Things seemed to happen so fast with us and I didn't really know what to think about what we were starting but I decided to just ride with it.

Yesterday, we were suddenly declaring ourselves. I was so glad that he wasn't mad or annoyed with me for leaving. I debated with myself whether this was right or not but I couldn't deny the fact that I had fallen hard for this man who seemed to take over my life. He was in my dreams, in my thoughts and now I had him emotionally, physically, every way possible.

He was mine.

I was through playing games because to be honest, I couldn't stop the feelings that were coursing through my body at this point. I was putting myself out there for better or for worse. If I got hurt, I got hurt but I was going to take that chance because I had to be with Justin. It wasn't an option.

The good thing about all of this was that I felt Justin wasn't playing games anymore, just like me. We were done and I cursed myself for wasting so much time trying to take him down when I could have been just enjoying what we together. I could see it in his eyes that he truly cared for me, how much, I didn't know just yet but I was going to find out. I couldn't go back now.

Alice's thunderous pounding brought me back to reality, "Selena, I mean it. We don't have time for you to sleep in."

"And why not?"

"Because, we have to go to church."

Say what now?

I sat up in bed out of pure curiosity. I looked around the room to make sure that I wasn't in some alternate universe. I was still in the same surroundings as usual except for the fact that I had some demon banging on my door.

I got out of bed like I was a zombie and trudged over to the door to let Alice in. I poked my head out, "What did you say?" I looked her up and down. She was in pajamas and bunny slippers.

"I said, we're going to church." She pushed her way into the room and pulled a gigantic clothing rack behind her. There must have been ten or fifteen outfits all in garment bags that hung from hangers along the metal bar. It was on rollers so Alice didn't have any trouble maneuvering the thing.

"What the hell is all of this?" I asked and shut the door, making sure no one saw her.

"Justin had me get you a whole bunch of stuff." She plopped down on the bed, "Did you know they all have black cards? Oh God, I was dying..."

"Wait, what? Justin had you get me stuff?" I repeated her words.

"Uh...yeah." Alice spoke like it was obvious, "You didn't think you could be Justin's special friend and stay out of church, did you?"

"Special friend?"

"That's the word he used when I asked, being nosy as usual. He didn't want to use the word 'girlfriend' but I knew what he meant."

"Okay, we'll get back to your butting into my business later but what the hell are you talking about with all these clothes." I shifted them on the rack.

"Oh yeah, well Justin called me yesterday and he asked me if I could go shopping for you."

"For what?"

"For church. If I have to say it one more time, I'm going to scream." She rolled her eyes.

First of all, Justin knew that I didn't like gifts and I sure as hell didn't like clothes. This was more than curious to me and I was going to have a long talk with him about getting me a whole rack of clothes. That was not going to work.

Second, I hadn't been to church in years. With Renee being obsessed with a new religion every week and Charlie spending his worship time on a fishing boat, I didn't really have piety very high on my priority list. Furthermore, I had a laundry list of things in my head that would dispel the fact that Justin was religious himself. I didn't have anything against religion but I just didn't practice it that often. I believed in a higher being although I didn't know what was up in that massive expanse above us.

"I don't think I belong in a church." I shook my head.

"I know they don't act like it but their family is very religious. Jasper said he hasn't missed a Sunday of church since he was three."

"Okay, that's great but why do I need to go." I got back in bed.

"Like I said, you can't be with a Bieber and not go to church." Alice ripped the sheets off of me, "Do you need to shower?" She went to the rack and thumbed through the clothes.

"No, I took one last night."

"Well good, I need to pick you something that will make you stand out."

I pouted in bed, "Are you going?"

"Yup, I went last week too. It's fun. I haven't been to church in years." She actually giggled, "It's only an hour."

"But...they're Catholic, aren't they?"

"Yeah, so." She said without looking at me.

"It's not like I care but I haven't been to a Catholic service in...a really long time."

I thought back to the one semester of Catholic school that I went to in Phoenix when Renee demanded that I try it. Thankfully, I left for Forks after a couple of months so I didn't have to deal with the torture for too long.

"Neither have I but there's no going back now." Alice replied giddily with a smile and continued to look through the clothes.

My phone vibrated on my nightstand and I snatched it up angrily.

Good morning, beautiful. I trust that you're up by now.-E

He had the nerve to text me right now?

Don't talk to me. I have a few things to say to you but since I have to attend church today, I'll refrain until tomorrow.-B

I got a reply twenty seconds later.

Oh, Selena. You're wonderful wit is even more delightful in the early morning hours. I'll be there in about an hour. Mass starts at eight. Be ready with a smile.-E

I hate you.-B

I texted back and put my phone on silent so that I wouldn't have to hear from him until later.

A little warning would have been nice. It wasn't that I was mad I had to get up so early but I didn't know how to do this. I was going to have to mentally prepare myself for worship and I suddenly felt ashamed. I needed to find my rosary and holy water and Bible and...a priest. I had so much to confess.

I got off of the bed and went over to Alice, "He asked you to buy all of this?" I tried to unzip a bag but she slapped my hand away.

"Yeah, he gave me his black card and I went crazy with it."

"How much did all of this cost?"

"He told me not to tell you." She looked at me strangely.

"Because he knows he's about to get in trouble." I grumbled.

"I found it." Alice sang and pulled out a white garment bag.

I was pushed into the bathroom so that my face could be put on. I was still pissed that I was up with the sun but I had to just suck it up. I huffed and puffed the whole time Alice was doing my makeup and she looked at me like I was a work of art.

"What are you wearing?" I asked, getting more and more nervous.

"Something cute. I actually have to go back to my apartment so I can change. I didn't bring my things here."

"You walked over here in your pajamas?"

"It was just across campus. No one cared."

I sighed and bobbed my foot up and down hastily, "I think the church might burn down."

"I wouldn't doubt it. I hear someone is having her sex dreams again." She eyed me in the mirror.

I just looked at her dumbstruck.

"I could hear you from the other side of the door." Alice laughed, causing me to blush furiously.

"Can you blame me?"

"No and if you knew what Jasper and I did last night, you would look like a saint." She sighed lovingly.

"Disgusting." I said.

My makeup and hair were done quickly and then Alice left me to go back to her apartment. She demanded that I put on the clothes she picked and if I walked out in anything less than perfection, she was going to kill me. On a Sunday no less. She left at seven-fifteen, giving me only a short while to get ready.

I just bit the bullet and stepped in what she laid out. Alice had left my hair to flow down my back, styled with a clip and my makeup was done subtly.

The tag on the dress read Victoria Beckham. Since when did she start making clothes?

The dress was a light purple color that clung to my body but wasn't overly tight. It flared out at the waist slightly until it fell a couple of inches above my knee. The collar was a slight scoop neck that dipped around my collarbones and the sleeves were capped on my shoulders. The whole thing was very sophisticated but still youthful.

"Really, Alice?" I held up a strand of pearls that I was supposed to wear and just put them on without complaining. I didn't know if they were real or not but I didn't want to know.

My shoes were a cream colored, pair of platform pumps with a rounded closed toe. The heel was fucking four and a half inches, which I counted with my fingers. I was almost crying as I put my feet into them.

I went to look at myself in the bathroom mirror and I had to admit that I looked flawless as usual but I would still hate Alice for the rest of my life for this. I looked like a sad imitation of Jackie Kennedy and I prayed that I wasn't overdressed. I would come across as a complete fool. Since I was already decked out to the finest, I decided to put on my mother's watch.

I sat on my bed and waited, checking my phone.

I'm running kind of late. I'll be there soon.-E

I stuffed my wallet and phone into my clutch that Alice provided for me and left the room, making sure it was locked behind me.

I walked through the halls, almost tip toeing to make soft noises so I didn't wake fucking Janice.

I made it to the elevators and tapped my heel as I descended. I made it downstairs and walked out of my dorm building into the crisp early morning. It was kind of chilly but nothing too bad. I sat on the same stone bench that I always did to wait for Justin.

I checked my watch as the clock ticked seven-forty five and I was getting more and more anxious about this. Should I have prepared or something? I knew the mechanics of a Catholic service and was actually glad that my mother made me learn them so I didn't look like a dumb ass.

I let out a deep breath and crossed my legs to wait.

Five minutes later, I heard the roar of a car that had to belong to a racer because I didn't think anything with that powerful an engine was legal on normal roads.

Justin's red Saleen screeched to a halt in front of me and the back wheels actually lifted off of the ground slightly. He rushed out of the car and quickly came to the bench.

"I'm so sorry I'm late." He looked flustered but still beautiful in a dark suit that fit him perfectly and a white shirt along light purple tie that matched my dress.

Damn Alice!

I stood up and smoothed myself out, "It's okay."

"No it's not. Esme is going to kill us." He led me by the small of my back to the car where he opened my door.

"Shit, your parents are going to be there?" I spun around.

"Of course." Justin chuckled and moved some hair out of my face.

"Well you didn't tell me that."

"I didn't think I had to. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be going. Believe that." He groaned.

"I can't meet your parents." I shook my head.

"Stop worrying."

"Do they...know?"

"About what?" He asked innocently.

"About...us." I said hesitantly.

He quirked an eyebrow, "I haven't said anything mainly because I don't know how to tell them that I have my first...girlfriend." He said that word like it was acid.

I found that kind of funny and couldn't help but half laugh, "You're so cute when you're flustered."

He ran a hand through his hair, "I can't help it. You make me so...I don't know."

I nodded in understanding because I felt the same way.

"You look very beautiful by the way." Justin looked me up and down, "Extremely beautiful."

"All Alice." I said.

"I don't think so." Justin leaned in dangerously close, "Alice had nothing to do with what I'm looking at right now." He kissed me so softly, I almost didn't feel it.

He pulled back way too soon for me but I was thankful that he did so that I could breathe.

"You look nice too." I said lamely.

"I always do for church." He gloated, "Get in the car. We're already late."

I sunk down in the low seats and Justin closed my door before running to his side. He was in, locked the doors, and started the car all in one motion.

He peeled off so quickly that I was thrust back in my seat. I made sure my belt was around me tightly.

"Speaking of how beautiful I look, I heard you gave Alice your credit card to shop for me?" I turned to him.

Justin shrugged, "I noticed that you didn't have anything appropriate to wear so I just decided to buy you what you needed."

"Okay, first, this wouldn't have been a problem if you would have told me that I was going to church and second, I don't like gifts."

"These aren't gifts. You can't be going to church every Sunday in jeans, especially not this church."

Justin honked the horn loudly as slower cars got in his way.

"Slow down and why am I going to church every Sunday?"

"Because...it's expected." He said like he was shy of something.

"What does that mean?" I asked, not understanding.

He brushed his hand through his hair again, "Okay, look, I don't know what you would call us but I was on the track of a girlfriend/boyfriend type thing."

I nodded, "Okay..."

"And as you know, I've never really done this before but it's kind of...expected for me to bring you if we are in that kind of relationship. Italians are about three things: religion, food, and family. If you're in the family, you have to be a part of everything that comes with it."

I thought about what he was saying and then a small smile came to my lips, "So...what you're saying is that...I'm a part of your family?"

"Is that all you got out of what I just said?"

"Are you telling me it's not true?"

"I'm getting used to this Selena. Don't push me." He kept his eyes on the road ahead and I leaned back in my seat with an odd feeling of gratification.

Justin was slowly shedding his outer skin for me. He was becoming more of a...human if that made any sense.

The rest of the ride was filled with Justin's shouts, complaints and curses at all the traffic that we had to battle across the city. I had to brace myself against the door on several occasions when I thought I was going to die. Literally, I thought I was going to die.

By the time we rounded the final corner, I could see a massive granite structure in the distance and I was begging to see solid ground again.

"Justin, we're going to have to talk about your driving." I panted as he halted in a parking lot next to a very expensive looking Mercedes that was a ways down the street from the church, "Why are we all the way down here?"

"It's easier to get out of traffic. There are over six hundred people who go to this church."

"What?" I almost screeched.

"Yup and we sit right up front." He smirked at me, knowing that my nerves were not slowing down. On top of everything else, I had to meet his parents.

Great!

"I can't believe this." I opened the car door and got out easily. Justin was already at my side, trying to help me.

"It's not that bad and only about an hour. Plus, we're already fifteen minutes late so that's good."

"And you couldn't have told me about this yesterday."

"No, I wanted you to be surprised." He joked.

"You are the most impossible man I've ever met." I started to stalk off down the street but Justin caught me by my wrist and turned me around so that I was pressed against his chest.

His lips were on mine, devouring me with soft yet rough kisses that melted me further into his body. His hands were on my hips, caressing and massaging while my fingers crept up to his hair, pulling him closer. Our kisses slowed after who knows how long and the wetness from our tongues was enough to make me forget my name.

"Shame on you Justin Bieber." I said when he released my lips," On church property?"

"I couldn't help myself. I don't have control around you." He kissed below my ear, "That's very dangerous Isabella."

"You're making it very hard to think clearly right now." I pushed away from him and took several deep breaths, calming myself.

"We're going to be doing Hail Mary's for the rest of our life." He said and ushered me forward in the direction of the massive stone church that was at the end of the street. It had a giant, rose, stained glass window in the middle with steeples and large oak doors.

I took everything in and stood up straighter as Justin opened the doors for me.

I went inside, my feet hitting a smooth red carpet and the voice of whom I assumed to be the priest, filled my ears.

"Just don't let them intimidate you." Justin whispered to me as ushers opened another set of dark doors with gold handles.

"Who?" I asked.

"Everyone." He answered and nearly pushed me into the church.

I walked forward, with Justin's help and as I looked around, I didn't understand how the whole world could be in a recession but the Catholic Church seemed to only get bigger. How the hell did they get all of this money?

The first thing I noticed was that everything on the walls was covered in gold, marble or granite. I could have sworn that I was in Europe with the giant ceilings, stain glassed windows and ornaments that adorned the church.

Justin and I were walking on the lower level, right up the main aisle but if I looked behind me, I could see a massive balcony that probably held at least three hundred people. We seemed to walk forever on the red, satin carpet that covered the floor, close to the left side where Justin was leading me and dark pews held families that seemed very interested in what the priest was saying.

I could spot Alice almost in the front row, maybe three pews behind. I also saw Jasper along with the huge man from Plasma, a blonde woman, a blonde man, and a honey haired lady who I could tell was Justin's mother. I couldn't see their faces but my heart was thumping faster at the prospect of making a fool out of myself in front of Justin's parents.

Just as I was telling myself to calm down and not do anything embarrassing, I felt my foot catch the hard wood of a pew only halfway down the aisle.

Not only did a loud thud ring out all over the church, ricocheting off of the stone walls, but clumsy me stumbled and stumbled hard.

Justin caught me before I smashed my face into the carpet but as I stood back up and stared around, hundreds of eyes were on me. The priest stopped preaching, I heard murmurs, stifled giggles and my own heart could probably be heard in China.

Sweet baby Jesus!

People up front actually turned their whole bodies to see what commotion had disrupted their early morning rituals and I could feel the penetrating gaze of skeptics from behind me who were nearly ripping me apart with their eyes.

"I see I'll have to hold onto you." Justin whispered in my ear, wrapping his arm around my waist and pushed me forward more.

At this point, my feet were like led, my whole body was covered in a permanent blush, my ears were still ringing from the clunk I just caused and I'm sure I looked like I was hit by a Mac truck.

No one's eyes moved from me and Justin as we approached his section. I kept my head down so that I didn't have to look at anyone but I could feel them.

I was finally able to sit down next to a chuckling Alice, with Justin on the outside of the pew near the aisle. His parents were behind us, Alice and Jasper were to my left and the blonde woman along with Emmett were even further down the pew. We took up the whole thing. I sat slightly awkward against Justin because I didn't want to have any contact with him. 1. because we were in church and 2. because we were under the vulture watch of his parents.

"Great entrance." Alice whispered to me and I shot her a death stare.

My first Catholic service in five years and I was already condemned to the fiery puts of hell.

Throughout the whole Liturgy of the Word, I kept my eyes straight, not wanting to cause any more damage to my reputation. I wasn't really listening but neither was anyone else I was sitting next to. I could feel it. Justin was actually going out of his way to be defiant, checking his phone almost every five seconds.

I got very suspicious of this when his breathing turned to frustrated sighs and his hands began to tangle through his hair more frequently. Emmett also had has phone out so I figured they were texting each other.

I looked slightly to my left to see the most beautiful woman in the world next to Jasper and Alice. She had long, flowing blonde hair and big blue eyes that I could drown in. Her face was angelic and slightly chubby but still toned at the same time. Her lips were pouty, her nose was regal, her chin was perfect and her skin was flawless. My eyes shifted between her and the painting on the wall behind her, which portrayed an angel. She could have been the model for it.

The big guy next to her was Emmett. I had found that out through Alice. He was the oldest Bieber brother and he looked it. He was muscular and brawny while still having an air of innocence. His dark curly hair was piled on his head and I couldn't see his eyes but I assumed they were attractive.

Everything about this family was beautiful.

I shrunk back into my seat when I realized that I was a Plain Jane among Greek creations.

Damn it!

I looked across the aisle where I found that people were still taking glances in my direction. There were some girls who must have been about my age, with stares that would kill a bull. Some other girls' mouths were dropped and I could have sworn I saw a few of them mouth a 'fuck you' my way.

After the Word, the Liturgy of the Eucharist began.

To be honest, I found this whole thing very showy and hyped up. Couldn't I just give a silent prayer and that be it? Thankfully, I knew the rituals for the prayers and kneeling and so forth so I could keep up with the rest of the congregation.

"You do this every Sunday?" I whispered to Justin.

He grinned, "Twelve years of Catholic school and my parents have taught me that religion is always number one in my life." He almost laughed.

"That's not a bad thing. A moral code is good to live by."

"Yeah right. This stuff has gone in one ear and out the other since I was five."

"Shame on you." I joked.

The service was finished ten minutes later after some announcements and since Justin and I were late, we kind of missed all the important stuff.

People started to get up after the priest said one final prayer and crossed us in unison.

The conversations resumed and the pews started to empty.

I turned around and was met with a lady of maybe thirty but she was supposed to be Justin's mother. How the hell was that possible?

She had hair that I could now see was more caramel than honey and it was pinned up nicely in a bun. Her heart shaped face was adorned with deep green eyes that were darker than Justin's but I could see the resemblance. The man next to her was regal and statuesque with a strong jaw line and blue eyes that almost made me squint. His platinum blonde hair was shining in the lights and if I didn't know any better, I would have sworn that he was a college student. I knew that his parents' names were Esme and Carlilse but not much else. Justin never talked about them.

Before I could say anything, Justin was pulling me out of the pew, towards a side entrance of the church that led from the sanctuary to some hallways.

"Justin, what are you doing? I was about to say hi to your parents." I said as he dragged me out of the door into the shining sunlight.

"You'll meet them later, at dinner. I have a few things to warn you about first." He spoke seriously and pointedly as he quickly rushed me to the parking lot down the street.

When we reached his Saleen, he unlocked it and opened my door, shoving me inside before going to the driver's seat.

"Okay, what's going on?" I moved some hair out of my face that was windblown.

He started the car without a word and pulled out into traffic like a monster. I could see his family along with Alice standing on the street, walking towards the same parking lot we just exited. Emmett and Jasper looked confused, the blonde angel looked irritated, Alice looked docile, Esme looked concerned and Carlisle...well he looked downright pissed.

Justin didn't even acknowledge them as he sped onto the highway, leaving the church behind.

"This is ridiculous, what the hell is wrong with you?" I asked, bracing myself for the ride ahead.

"Just shut up while I think." He growled.

Was he talking to me? I don't think so!

"Fine." I sat back in my seat and crossed my arms like a child, "Jackass."

He didn't respond to my comment but continued on down the road at ridiculous speeds.

As I looked out of the window and the minutes passed by in silence, the buildings turned into trees. Justin could be taking me to my death for all I knew but that was a risk I was willing to take.

He slowed slightly as we neared an exit and pulled off. We started going up a hill that was lined with deep forests on each side and had barely any traffic on it. Justin veered off onto a gravel road that led deeper into the forests and then suddenly turned off the car halfway down the lane. There were tall trees that blocked the sun so it was mostly shaded. It actually looked a lot like Forks without the rain.

I lifted open the door and got out, shutting it very hard when I did. I didn't really know where we were but I was going to walk back so I started off down the road.

"Selena." I heard Justin's car door open and the sound of gravel under his shoes got louder as he neared.

"What?" I spun around and he was inches from my face.

"I need to speak with you and you're walking away from me."

"Obviously."

"Well, can you let me explain?"

"For what, being a jackass or doing a complete flip on me back at the church?" I crossed my arms again.

"Okay, look, I have some things to say to you and you're going to stand there and listen, understood?"

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

He got right in my face this time, "I asked you if you understood."

"I heard you." I spoke slowly.

"Then why didn't you answer?"

"I don't have to answer to you."

"Yes you do because you're about to go to the lion's den." He backed up and started pacing, grabbing his hair with his hands.

I just stood there and followed him with narrowed eyes.

"Look, I had to get you out of there. You can't meet him yet." Justin's voice sounded actually nervous.

"Meet who?"

"My father." He said simply.

"I'm confused. I thought you wanted me to meet him."

"I'm going to be in so much trouble." Justin rested his hands on his knees, "Every Sunday, there is a certain way of doing things. First church, then we go to my grandfather's grave, and then dinner at the house. Right now, we're skipping the grave and I haven't done that in ten years."

"I'm confused."

"I should have warned you about all of this yesterday but..."

"Take some deep breaths Justin." I almost ran to him and lifted him back up. I thought he was going to have a heart attack and I was scared, "Just tell me what you have to say."

He breathed deeply and then closed his eyes, "Are you Italian?" He asked.

"What?"

"Are. You. Italian?"

"Uh...a little, I think. Not much but I'm mostly French and German. Those are the only two I know about. Does it matter?"

"Hell yes it matters." Justin's eyes opened and they were almost furious, "In my life...there are lists of rules I have to follow, a hierarchy if you will." He began his pacing again.

"Okay..."

"My father, Carlisle can be a very loving man but...he's not a good man, Selena, none of us are."

"I don't..."

"I know you don't believe that but it's true. I can't tell you everything but you're basically about to meet the most dangerous man on the face of this earth." Justin was speaking so strongly that I had to believe him.

"What..."

"Don't interrupt me." He held his hand up, "Carlisle is not a man who you want to be around and I should never have agreed to let you into this life."

"I'm a big girl Justin. I can take care of myself. I hardly doubt that an overprotective father is going to scare me away." I snickered, "Plus, we've only been going out for a day. It isn't like we're getting married."

He stopped moving, "You think this is funny? Selena, you have no idea what you're about to step into and you won't understand it even if I laid it all out for you in a row."

"Just say what you have to."

"I can't!" He shouted, the birds above leaving their nests from the sound.

"Justin, you're really confusing me."

He sighed, "My father doesn't like you."

I was kind of taken aback, "But...he doesn't know me."

"That's not the point. Because you're with me...he won't like you."

"I don't understand."

"I have...obligations to my work and to my family. Usually, women are a good distraction but I've never had a..."

"...girlfriend?" I completed his sentence.

Justin shuddered but nodded, "My mother thinks that I've met my match in you, as she put it but my father, he won't approve of any girl I bring home that has the slightest chance of messing up my future."

"Your future? I feel like I'm asking all of these questions with no answers."

"And it will be that way for a long time, I'm sorry for that."

"Are you trying to warn me about something?" I asked, moving closer to him.

"Yes. I've been trying to since I met you but...I don't know what to do." He pulled at his hair again, his pacing resumed.

"Why don't we just go to dinner and see how this all pans out." I suggested, "It can't be that bad."

"Selena, you are about to have dinner with over fifty screaming Italians." He chuckled, "Plus a man who will grill you until you bleed."

"Can't be any worse than some of my Thanksgivings." I shrugged, trying to lighten the mood.

"We'll be at my parent's estate for the rest of the day. Is that alright with you?" He asked and I nodded, "There's going to be a lot of people there and I'll introduce you to most of them."

"Are they all family?"

"For the most part. I have some work to take care of during the evening hours so I won't be able to be with you the whole time."

"Okay." I answered because I didn't know what the hell else to say.

"Oh, and next week, I will be going to Russia."

"Russia?"

"Yes, I leave on Tuesday but I should be back by next Sunday. Just a few days."

Justin had turned from caring and sweet this morning, to a cryptic hard ass in a minute. The way he spoke, the way he walked, even the way he stood was making me think that he was about to handle a business deal.

"Sundays are usually for family but as you'll soon learn, real life interferes more often than not." Justin's green eyes hardened and I was actually frightened of him.

"I'm still not completely understanding you but I want to meet your parents." I put my hand on his arm and he jerked quickly but calmed down and let me put it back in the same spot.

"Okay." He bowed his head.

It took me ten more minutes to convince Justin that this was a good idea and we got back in the car.

For the life of me, I couldn't understand why Justin was having such a hard time with this Shouldn't I be the one who's nervous? I had to impress his parents but the whole time we were driving, his hands were cemented to the steering wheel in an almost vice like grip.

"Why don't you tell me about your family?" I said softly so that I didn't scare him. I didn't want him to feel any anxiety over this or that would just make me more freaked out.

He sighed, "I have a huge family. Only about half are here in Chicago, I have a couple aunts in California and some other relatives in the States but mostly everyone's still back in Italy."

"You know, I always thought that Bieber was an Irish name."

"Yeah, well it's not." He said shortly, "It is but...whatever."

I decided that he wasn't in any mood to talk so I stopped speaking. Justin was stressed and this conversation wouldn't end well if he kept being so abrasive so I just sat back and relaxed in my seat.

The drive seemed to take forever but that was only because of the long, winding roads we were on. We were about an hour outside of the city when Justin began to slow down, turning into another road that was covered by trees. The car traveled slowly around each turn and we went up for about five minutes before we halted in front of some very tall, classic, Victorian, black, wrought iron gates.

Justin leaned out of the window and punched a code into a box. The gates opened down the middle, like something out of a movie and a sprawling estate was laid out before me.

My mouth was dropped the whole time Justin pulled the car up a hill that was the driveway to a massive mansion. There were green fields around us on all sides with the house sitting above everything.

"Is...is this all yours?" I asked, stunned into almost silence.

"My parents'." He looked to me and started laughing, "You'll catch flies that way."

The one thing that I did find kind of odd was that there seemed to be guards around. Some had guns and some didn't but it was like I was entering a military base. Strange.

I snapped my mouth shut, "I can't believe this. I never thought..."

"That we were this rich? Yeah, there's even a lake out back in case you were wondering."

Justin drove around the house that appeared to go on forever and pulled up to an open garage.

The floor was cement and slick but it reminded me of an airplane hangar because the garage was that huge. Justin's Saleen passed Mercedes, Hummers, BMWs, Audis, and those were only the ones that I could recognize. I wasn't much of a car person but even I could tell that this was a collection that was probably worth millions.

Justin smoothly parked at the end of a row of motorcycles and turned the car off, just sitting there.

"I hope money doesn't make you uncomfortable." He spoke with a hint of arrogance.

"No." I lied.

"Good, because we have a lot of it." He got out of the car and I opened my door. He helped me out of the low car and I stood up, fully taking in my surroundings. Everything was gleaming in the fluorescents that were overhead.

"Would you like a tour?" Justin asked, taking my hand.

I looked down at the small gesture. It was the first time we had ever held hands. It might have seemed like nothing to someone else but I got the feeling that Justin didn't ever act like this with anyone else. We had kissed, we had fucked, we had seen each other naked, we had even given each other multiple orgasms but we had never held hands.

He ripped his out of mine when he saw me staring, "Sorry, was that wrong?"

"No, no." I took his again, intertwining our fingers, "I was just surprised."

"I told you I don't know what I'm doing." Justin seemed to deflate.

"You're doing fine." I stood on my toes to kiss him softly, "Stop stressing out about everything."

"Okay."

"I would love a tour." I smiled to give him some confidence.

"We'll start with my cars." His familiar, egotistical grin was back.

"Cars?" I asked as he led me towards a corner of the hanger.

"Yes as in plural."

All together, Justin himself had six cars that took up an entire wall length across the garage. I of course knew about the Saleen, which was his new beauty but he also had a white BMW, red Escalade, silver Aston Martin, a black Lamborghini that he swore could break the sound barrier and a car that he wouldn't even let me look at because he said I would taint it. According to him, his red and black Bugatti Veyron had never been driven but he kept it just to look at. That made no sense to me but I didn't want to spoil his fun.

As we finished the tour of the garage, our hands still together, a black Hummer came barreling though with a thunderous engine roar. It nearly killed me until Justin moved us out of the way. Emmett jumped out of the driver's seat with a huge smile and the blonde angel came out of the passenger's side.

"Whooo! Got her up to 150." Emmett patted his car, "That was a fun ride."

"That's my oldest brother." Justin rolled his eyes.

"That's right. The oldest and brightest, Emmett." He held his hand out and I shook it. He must have been a giant and looked ten times bigger than before. Granted I had only seen him for a split second at Plasma but still.

"I remember you." He tilted his head, "Who knew that night would lead to this." He pointed between Justin and me.

"Yeah, funny how things work out." I nodded, "It's nice to meet you again."

The blonde angel walked over with a sour look, tight lined lips, and narrowed eyes but she was still beautiful as hell.

"This is my girlfriend, Rosalie." Emmett put an arm over her shoulder.

She eyed me up and down with a raised eyebrow.

"Like something you see?" Justin snarled at her.

"Not particularly." She replied, never taking her eyes off of me.

Tension filled the air but Angel Face didn't stop her glaring at Justin and me.

"So...Eddie, why weren't you at the cemetery?" Emmett asked, trying to diffuse the situation.

"I had some things to do." Justin answered.

"Dad's pissed like no other and Ma was so freaked out. She thought you didn't want her to meet Selena."

"No, I just had to explain some things first." Justin stuffed his hands in his pockets, "Actually, can I talk to you for a second." He nodded to Emmett. They both went into a far corner of the garage, mumbling about something and leaving me alone with the blonde devil. We stood still in front of each other for about three minutes without saying anything.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." She crossed her arms.

"Selena." I wasn't rude but you could tell that I wasn't really in the mood to talk to her.

"Is that your natural hair color?" She pointed to my head.

"Yes. I've never dyed it."

"You might need your roots touched up." She sneered.

"My roots are fine." I snapped.

I didn't know what this bitch's problem was but she needed an attitude check.

"How long have you and Justin been fucking?"

"That's none of you damned business, Rosalie." Justin came from behind, putting an arm around my waist.

"We'll see." She smirked coolly and her heels clicked on the cement as she went into the house followed by Emmett.

"What did I do wrong?" I asked Justin.

"Nothing, she's just always been a massive bitch. Don't worry about it."

"Is all your family like that?" I was beginning to see his hesitation with bringing me out here.

"No, just her and my Dad and me. We're very...protective of our family."

"You're not like that."

"Not to you." He breathed through his nose, "You've never seen the real me."

I didn't know what that meant but I didn't like the sound of it.

Justin led me inside the house through the garage.

I was met at the door by a very familiar face.

"Hello Ms. Swan." Jerry, from Justin's yacht, gave me a bright smile, "Nice to see you again."

"You too. What are you doing here?"

"I've worked for Mr. and Mrs. Bieber since this one was in diapers." He pointed to Justin.

"My mother doesn't like maids or anything but they're a few people who've been with us for years." Justin chuckled.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" Jerry asked me.

"No, I'm fine." I said as I looked around the front room.

To say that this was a mansion would be an understatement.

The whole house was a monstrosity. Everything was dark in color scheme from the hardwood floors so the rugs to the curtains and I felt like I was put into the pages of Wuthering Heights.

I didn't get a chance to look around too much because before I knew it, Justin was once again dragging me in another direction.

"If we hurry, we can catch my mother without Carlisle around." He said and we followed the delicious aromas that were wafting through the house.

After a two minute maze excursion of hallways, doors and stairs, we arrive at the kitchen where Esme was literally bouncing around pots and pans. My face fell when I saw Rosalie sitting with her back to me at the marble island.

Justin cleared his throat and his mother spun around.

Her face lit up with a bright smile, "You must be Selena." She wiped her hands and then came around the corner to give me a hug, "Benvenuta"

"Thank you. You have a lovely home." I said truthfully, trying not to stare at her amazing kitchen.

"It's nothing." She waved her hand and pulled me to the kitchen stool, right next to Rosalie, "I can't believe we're finally meeting. I've heard so much about you from the boys and Alice."

"All good I hope."

"Of course. Justin can't seem to stop talking about you." She shifted her eyes the fridge where Justin was standing with a beer, "He really is obsessed with you."

"Ma..." Justin groaned.

"Oh, sorry." Esme giggled, "I don't want to embarrass him. You're very beautiful."

I heard Rosalie sulk in annoyance.

"Thank you." I blushed, "You're incredibly beautiful as well. You can't be older than thirty."

"Oh God, I haven't seen thirty in years." She winked, walking back around to her pots.

"It smells really good in here. Can I help you with something?"

"Of course not. I live to do everything myself although Justin's father insists on hiring people." She shook her head and then grinned at me, "You know how to cook?"

"Not anything professional but I kept my father alive for eight years."

"Good." She had a look of absolute joy on her face, "You and I need to talk in private about that one over there." She pointed to Justin.

"He's been in line so far." I said and Justin smirked behind his beer bottle as he took a long sip.

"He's not always that way."

"Are you sure I can't help you with anything. You look like you have a lot going on in here."

"Nonsense, I just have to finish up the lasagna, pound out and pan fry the veal, make the basil salad, mozzarella salad, salt the tomatoes for the marinara sauce, make sure the lamb doesn't burn and make the apple crumble. It's nothing."

I didn't understand half of what she said, "That sounds like a lot."

"For a lot of people." She pulled something out of the oven, "Everyone should be here in about two hours or so and then we spend all day eating."

"And you do this every Sunday?" I couldn't believe it.

"And Saturday, rain or shine."

"Wow."

Esme was about to say something else but she stopped when soft footsteps came through the arch of the kitchen.

"Oh good, you're here." She clapped her hands, "Selena, I would like you meet Justin's father, Carlisle." She took my hand and led me to the blonde man standing there with a stone cold face. He looked almost exactly like Justin but with a hint more calmness. He didn't seem as neurotic.

Justin came to stand next to me and was practically rigid.

"It's very nice to meet you." He said passively. The way he spoke was so polite and old world but still terrifying at the same time.

"You too. Justin's told me so much about you." I lied.

His eyes went from me to Justin and Carlisle actually smiled, "Not too much I hope. Some things are too dangerous for such a beautiful girl's ears."

Damn my blush.

I did it again and laughed under my breath. He was nothing like Justin had described him but in a way, he kind of was. He was standoffish but not like Rosalie who was just purely abrasive. With Carlisle, I just got the feeling that he had to warm up to you.

"Justin, don't forget that we have things to do tonight." Carlisle spoke to him.

"Carlisle, not tonight." Esme huffed, "I have people coming over."

"We can handle things here. We won't leave, I promise." He kissed her forehead tenderly before turning back to me, "Selena, it was nice to meet you. If you'll excuse me, I have business to attend to." He nodded to us and then was gone.

Esme gave me a tight smile, "He's really not that bad. He's just stressed today."

"He wasn't bad at all." I was talking to both of them but mainly Justin who had relaxed some.

"Glad you liked him." Justin said through his teeth.

Over the next hour, things began to pick up very quickly.

Alice and Jasper came back with some things that Esme asked for and as people began to trickle into the house, I was getting more nervous.

I was walking around the living room alone, looking at pictures when Jasper found me.

"There you are, Alice was wondering where you went off to." He laughed.

"I was just looking at all the amazing stuff your mother has in here. This house is like a big city."

"Yeah, I got lost in the basement when I was four. It took them the whole day to find me."

"That must have been scary."

"You have no idea." He shook his head quickly, "Anyway, I was coming to introduce myself again and not as the complete jackass who's trying to pick you up." Jasper held out his hand.

I shook it, "Sometimes I forget that I met you first."

"It seems like so long ago, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." I sighed and continued to walk around, "So…you and Alice, huh?"

He got a massive grin on his face, "She's so amazing and full of life. I don't think I've ever met anyone like her."

"She just makes you want to be happy." I knew what he was talking about.

"She's incredible. Alice came to church and stuff last week. I was surprised I didn't see you."

"No, Justin and I weren't…that close back then."

"Boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"Don't let him hear you say that." I said.

"Please, I know my brother better than he knows himself. He's never looked at another woman like he looks at you." Jasper took a sip of his drink.

"Does your father like Alice?" I asked, really wanting to know.

Jasper laughed, "You've met him already?"

I nodded.

"He's not that bad once he knows who you are. Are you Italian?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? Is it a rule?"

"In our family, yes." He nodded.

I let out a frustrated breath, "Is Alice?"

"Her mother has half so that means she is at least a quarter." Jasper shrugged.

"Damn, I guess I'm the only one who has to impress Carlisle the old fashioned way."

Once everyone started arriving, Justin pulled me into introductions. Everyone was very nice and I didn't feel awkward at all.

No one really knew who I was and Justin would never use the word 'girlfriend' to introduce me, which I didn't even notice until one of his aunts pointed it out. She was confused as to whom I was in relation the family and I didn't have an answer. Then she lit up and began shouting that I was 'Eddie's girl'.

I got cheek pinches from old ladies and things never seemed to calm down. I soon learned that Italians didn't speak with their mouths but with their hands. Everything was so fast and jumbled but people were keeping up. I knew absolutely no Italian so I was useless but it was funny to see Esme scream at someone who was in her pots. She would get livid and set off a string of what Justin said were curse words. Her cheeriness never failed and her words to me were always sweet.

I tried to hang out with Alice as much as possible since she was the only one I knew but the only problem was that she was always around Rosalie who didn't make it a secret that she didn't like me. She was always scowling and huffing whenever I said something and on more than one occasion, I was about to snap her neck but I didn't want to spill any blood on Esme's carpets.

All in all, there were about fifty people in the house. They were everywhere and there was lots of noise but somehow, nothing seemed crowded and I got the sense that this was a very tight knit family. I liked it.

I watched Justin a lot as he mingled with his cousins or talked quietly to his brothers. Something was strange about him when he was around other people. He was colder and more direct, unlike with me when he was somewhat caring. I knew he would never be a completely loving man per say but around anyone except his brothers, mother and father, he seemed like he was trying to be in charge.

We all sat down to dinner at four and after a very lengthy prayer by Carlisle, food was passed around a massively long table that stretched from one end of the dining room to the other. I sat next to Justin and Alice so I had people to talk to but I could barely get a word in edgewise with everyone trying to say things to each other. Still, I didn't mind at all. There was so much food that I almost passed out but Justin kept piling it on my plate. He said I needed to eat more.

Like I thought, Carlisle warmed up to me, not fully but just a little while we ate. He asked me about school and what I was studying, things like that but he never gave me anything more than a head nod. He would smile at me but it wasn't real, it was just to be polite.

I nudged Alice as desert was being served.

"Hey, did I do something wrong?" I asked her.

"What do you mean?"

"With Carlisle, has he ever been...harsh with you." I said quietly.

She scrunched her forehead, "No, he's really nice."

"Really? He seems like he doesn't like me very much."

"You must be imagining things. He's just getting to know you."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. He'll come around eventually." She patted my back and I nodded, convincing myself that that was true.

After desert, everyone went back to their before dinner activities. I was given a nice glass of red wine that I pretended to drink and sat on the huge, porch in the back with Esme, Rose and Alice. Kids were running around the backyard, men were smoking cigars, old ladies were telling stories and it all seemed like something out of a movie.

"So, Selena, how do you like Chicago?" Esme asked me as the sun was starting to set.

"It's wonderful. I kind of grew up in the country so coming to a big city was a real shock for me."

"And you said you're from Washington?" Rose asked, nearly spitting it at me.

"Yes." I replied with a tone.

"I bet it's really pretty up there in the fall." Esme sighed.

"Not really. It just rains a lot but the beaches are nice if you like rocks." I laughed.

"Same here in Chicago. All the beaches up by the lakes are rocky but they're better than nothing." She shrugged.

Justin came up behind me like a ghost to whisper in my ear, "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" I turned around to look at him.

"Just handling some business." He replied, a hint of a smile on his lips, pulling on a pair of black leather gloves, "It won't take long, I promise."

"Okay."

He looked like he wanted to kiss me but then decided against it, muttering to himself as he walked into the backyard. I saw where he was going. Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle were standing at the end of the forest, waiting for him. They disappeared without one look back.

"Where are they going?" Alice asked, trying to see further.

"They like to go hunting." Rose replied.

"Now, at this hour? Isn't it kind of late?" She quirked an eyebrow.

"It's never too late for hunting." Rose and Esme exchanged a quick glance with each other that was very suspicious but I didn't say anything.

We continued to talk for several minutes, discussing things that didn't really matter but it was still fun. I watched people, trying to figure out how they all got to be such a big family. Esme had tried to tell me some of the family history but I got lost in the 1940's or so. I couldn't keep up with who married who and gave birth to who. It was very confusing.

Our conversation had turned to comparing lasagna recipes when a gun shot rang out from the forest. Birds cawed and flew into the sky above the trees, making the whole backyard fall silent. People stopped moving and looked in the direction of the sound.

"What was that?" I asked, slightly frightened.

Before anyone could answer, two more shots were fired, echoing off of the house and making ripples of sound throughout the air. No one moved and no one said a word.

Once again, I saw Rose and Esme exchange a glance. Esme crossed herself before sighing heavily.

"It's nothing to worry about, dear." She put a hand on my knee, "As Rose said, the boys like to hunt."

"Are you sure they're okay?" I was trying to peek to see if I could make anything out but I couldn't.

"They'll be fine." Rose took a lazy sip of her wine.

Everything went back to normal in the flip of a dime and it was really weird that no one had called the police or bothered to check on anything. The kids resumed their playing, the men went back to smoking and the stories kept coming. It was like I was in the twilight zone and I was the only one who heard those shots but if they were hunting then I guess it was okay.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see a very small woman with white hair pulled into a bun. She was in a standard maid's uniform with stockings and an apron.

"Excuse me, are you Ms. Swan?" She asked with a slight accent.

"Yes."

"Mr. Carlisle has requested to see you in his office. If you'll follow me." She turned around, not even waiting for him.

Alice gave me a shrug and I jumped up, following the maid towards the house.

Once inside, my heels thudded on the carpet as we went through the family rooms and hallways. I passed expensive paintings on the walls and more decorative furniture before coming to a pair of dark, oak staircases that spiraled up to what looked like the second and third floors, or whatever was up top.

She climbed the stairs gingerly while I followed.

I was panting by the time I reached the third floor but we still had one more to go so I went up behind a woman in her late sixties who was obviously in better shape than I was. It was sad.

"He'll be with you in one moment." She led me to another pair of doors and pushed them open, letting me go in.

"Thank you." I said as she shut me inside of Carlisle's office.

Everywhere I looked, there were bookshelves, from floor to ceiling. They were filled with old copies of classics and some were even in different languages. There was a large desk in front of a plush leather wing back chair and an immense window showed the backyard beneath. The floor was covered in a Oriental rug and a family portrait sat behind the chair.

I looked at the picture and couldn't help but smile as I saw Justin with his family. Everyone looked so young.

"Justin was ten when that picture was painted." A voice said from behind me.

I spun around and found Carlisle standing there.

I gasped when I saw that his hands were covered in blood that was dripping onto the floor. He was wiping them with a towel but the rusty smell was still repulsive.

"Are...are you alight?" I asked, trying not to look at or smell the blood.

"I'm fine." He grinned at me mechanically, "Let me just wash up and then we can get to talking." Carlisle went into a door at the side of the room and I heard the faucets running.

I breathed through my nose, trying to get the smell of blood out.

"So, how do you like your first visit to Bieber Manor?" He asked, coming out of the bathroom with a new towel and clean hands although they were still stained a soft red color.

"Fine." I spoke firmly, "Thank you for inviting me."

"I didn't, Justin did." Carlisle said and sat behind his desk, signaling me to take a seat as well.

He looked me up and down, not evilly but it still made me uncomfortable.

"How was hunting?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

"Oh Selena, it's too late for hunting." He smiled in a way that was almost evil, "Someone could get hurt if you start shooting in the dark."

I sat there, trying not to look him in the eyes and stopped tapping my foot so that there was no sound in the room.

"Selena, why don't you tell me about yourself?" Carlisle crossed his hands on his desk.

"Uh...what do you mean?" I played with the hem of my skirt.

"I don't know anything about you and I want to make sure Justin is with someone I can trust. We can make this easier."

The doors opened behind me and I heard that soft thudding of heels as they came around. Rosalie appeared and went to stand behind Carlisle on his left side with a pad and pen. She had a look of pure hatred on her face with a gloating smile.

Bitch!

"Am I in trouble?" I asked, looking between them both.

"Not at all." He said, "I just want to know who you are. Name."

"Isabella Swan." I answered. I could tell that this wasn't going to be a friendly meeting.

"Birthplace."

"Forks, Washington."

"Father's name."

"Charlie Swan."

"If I may be frank with you, Isabella..." Carlisle began.

"Just, Selena." I corrected.

"Okay, Selena. My son is...different from other men out there."

"I know."

"Do you?" He stood up and walked to the fireplace, "I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just don't trust easily."

"I understand."

"Do you smoke?"

"No."

He decapitated the head of a cigar easily and then took a second to light it before puffing out a small cloud of smoke, "Justin is on a track to greatness and I'm not trying to run his life or anything like that but I just want to make sure that he isn't distracted." Carlisle's tone wasn't anything mean but I still got a cold feeling that didn't make me feel very welcome.

"So I'm a distraction?" I asked, maybe a little too boldly but I wasn't going to let Papa Bieber scare me.

"Precisely." He said lowly, "I just want to make sure that my son is well taken care of."

I didn't really know what to say about this conversation. Did Justin's father not like me so much that he was requesting me to leave? Was I that bad a person? I thought I made a good impression but I was obviously mistaken.

I still didn't understand why Rosalie was here. She could just crawl under a rock as far as I was concerned.

Carlisle came back around his desk, still smoking his cigar, "Justin is a very powerful man and I know he hasn't told you exactly what goes on here but I can't have just anyone with my son, you understand."

"Of course." I nodded.

"Are you Italian?" He asked just like Justin said he would.

"Uh...a little, on my mother's side but I'm mainly French and German."

He sighed through his nose and swallowed hard, "Make sure to find out how much old world blood she has in her when you do the background check." He spoke to Rosalie.

"Wait, a background check?"

"Of course. Like I said, I have to make sure that you're appropriate for my son."

"And what if you find something that you don't approve of?" I was pretty mad now.

"Well then..." He let his sentence trail off.

The door opened behind me.

"Ms. Cope will see you out." Carlisle said.

"This way Ms." I heard a soft voice and I stood up, preparing to leave.

"It was very nice to meet you Selena." Carlisle nodded to me.

I was too shocked to say anything back and Ms. Cope had to pull me out of the room.

What the hell was all of that?

I didn't have a chance to talk to anyone about the crazy meeting I just had because Justin was waiting at the bottom of the stairs for me with a painful looking face.

"What did he say?" He asked apprehensively.

"I don't really know what just happened." I spoke in a clouded way, almost like I was in a haze.

"That son of a bitch!" Justin started stomping up the stairs, snapping me back.

"Justin, don't." I grabbed his arm, "I don't want you to fight with your father."

"He had no right to scare you." His eyes were dangerous.

"He didn't."

"Don't lie to me, Selena. You're white as a sheet and you can barely breathe. What did he say?"

"Nothing." I shook my head.

"Stop lying to me Selena." Justin said, almost angrily.

"I'm fine."

Justin seemed to calm down as he looked at me. He wrapped an arm around my body and pulled me to him, kissing my forehead like Carlisle did to Esme hours earlier, "I'm sorry."

That was all he said before he led me out to the garage and into the Saleen to take me home.

I didn't say a word as we drove along the dark, forest highways because I was still confused as to what I did to make someone hate me so much. Alice said that Carlisle liked her so what was wrong with me?

A background check?

Good Lord, this was serious.

And then I thought about what would be in the background check. My date of birth, which I hadn't been asked but everyone would soon find out. That provided me with a problem.

I looked at Justin who was more relaxed than he had been all day but still had a hard edge to him.

"Justin, I have to tell you something." I said, getting up the courage.

"You don't have to. I know my father can be a dick. He just has to get used to you."

"Well, yeah, that was an interesting dinner but that's not what I wanted to say."

"I mean, what the hell is his problem? You've never done anything to him and he just jumped down your throat like that?" Justin continued to vent.

"Justin..."

"He is such a hypocritical bastard. He was never so coarse with Alice or Rosalie for that matter and she's a complete bitch but he loves her to death. I can't stand it. What the hell did you ever do to him?"

"Justin, shut up." I commanded and he turned his head to me, slightly annoyed, "I need to tell you something and you won't shut up."

He continued to drive without saying anything.

I took a deep inhale for strength, "I'm not twenty-one."

His eyes squinted like he was thinking, "You're not?"

"No, and I'm not a junior."

He didn't say anything but kept driving.

"I'm an eighteen year old, freshman."

It took a second to sink in but once it did, Justin slammed on the brakes so hard, the back of the car fishtailed into the other lane but came to a screeching halt a second later. There were no other cars on the road so we weren't blocking anyone.

"What did you just say?" He turned to me, fear and fire in his eyes.

"I'm eighteen." My voice was much quieter now that I lost my confidence.

"Eighteen." He said to himself, "Like as in...eighteen?"

"Yes and a freshman." I reminded him.

"Holy shit." He began chanting it like a prayer and his hands bolted into his hair, pulling at the roots, "Give me your license." He demanded and I did. Justin studied it with almost shaking hands and then covered his mouth, "Shit."

"It's not that bad if you think about it, just seven years." I counted them off, trying to make this not seem so horrible.

"Not that bad?" He shouted, "I fucked a child."

"I'm not a child..."

"You might as well be. Eighteen. Holy shit."

"I should have told you before but you assumed that I was older and I didn't think it was that important to correct you since I never planned on seeing you again after all we went through." I was rambling.

"How the hell did you get into Plasma?" He was mad as the devil.

"Alice is twenty-one so I just followed her in." I said like a scolded child.

"I can't believe this." He hit his head on the wheel, "I've been giving you drinks, we fucked, I came to your dorm. I'm so fucked."

"I'm legal." I was trying to put a positive spin on this.

"Just barely." He started up the car, "I'm taking you home."

The relaxed Justin had disappeared and was replaced by a cold statue who just drove.