#everything in moderation obviously and no drug is evil

[scribbleboxfox]

Every now and then I think about that post I made in high school, back when I was coping with a mom who was lowkey an alcoholic. It went something like “if you need alcohol to have fun you should see a therapist” and everyone and their mother were all “um sweaty actually i use alcohol to cope so shut the fuck up and die.” Like. 

I was never wrong. Ya’ll shouldn’t need to get completely blasted to have a good time. Idc if it helps you “unwind” or whatever. It’s not a coping mechanism. Like yeah have a few beers with the boys or whatever, but if you’re getting drunk just so you can take it easy, you need a therapist. 

Anyways alcohol culture is toxic. Go to therapy.

[sazandorable]

About moderating and banning content on AO3!

Okay so! I haven’t had the spoons to do this for a while but I cracked and ranted about it on twitter which is... not... conducive to long rants, so!

This is a h u g e discussion part of the l o n g history that led to the creation of AO3, which older, more informed, and more articulate people have talked about at length and can be found around if you look (I reblog some of it in my AO3 and fandom history tags for the curious). So I won’t go into that here, nor into the practical reasons why it’s not even possible to put that system in place anyway.

Arbitrarily, or the purpose of this post, because it’s the biggest topic I’ve seen brought up lately, I’ll be talking about fic depicting underage characters in se*ual situations, but honestly I could hold the exact same conversation on literally any controversial content.

This is about why you, specifically, if you are a content creator and especially if you are marginalised and especially if you are queer and especially especially if you are sensitive to fiction depicting certain things... do not, actually, want a banning system on AO3.

What? Of course we do. There’s a lot of p*do shit on AO3 and p*do shit is gross. No one should condone that, wtf? It would be easy to do — just periodically delete the entire Underage tag!

What will happen if that is done is that people will re-upload and continue to write it, they’ll just stop tagging and you will run into it with zero warning nor ability to filter it out. Again, this is not a theoretical — we know this is what happens. When I was a teen, adult content (all adult content) was not allowed on FF.NET; it was everywhere regardless, and without tags. The exact same thing happened on tumblr when adult content was banned as well. It’s not a matter of “staff not handling it well” — it just doesn’t work.

To keep safe the people who need to be able to exclude that tag, that tag needs to exist and be used.

Well, shucks. A reporting system then?

A reporting system would operate in one of two ways:

-an algorithm, which would delete a lot of stuff we wouldn’t want it to delete.

-humans, which is... the bigger problem.

An algorithm sounds great. We do want it to delete everything.

Okay. What about the daddy k*nk fics between consenting adult characters? What about the fics featuring characters that are children in the canon but are adults in the fic? What about the fics about teenagers exploring their se*uality together, written by adults about the experiences they remember having or wish they could have had? What about the thousands of SasuNaru and Drarry and other shounen and YA fics that will get written, by teens or by people who remember being teens? What about the se*ually explicit fic written by teens who are se*ually active in real life? What about the fics about CSA as trauma, about healing from it? What about the fics written by survivors of CSA to cope about their trauma? What about the fics that clearly show that it’s evil and traumatic? What about the super dark, harrowing, but beautiful and artistic that I’m glad I read even though it fucked me up for days? What about the ones that were really shitty but also horribly hot?

Well, some of these are still not okay, but maybe some might be. It depends on how it’s written. We’ll have humans moderating content and deciding, then.

Okay.

The thing is, I don’t know which of the things I just listed were okay for you to be depicted in fiction and which were too much. Odds are I don’t agree with you. Odds are if I asked 10 people randomly picked off the street, not everyone would agree.

Odds are, even if AO3 arbitrarily decided on which of those are allowed and which are not, you would not agree with their choice, and you would still be unhappy with the decision. (Or you would be happy, but your friends wouldn’t.)

Odds are, different AO3 content moderators might not agree on whether a given fic qualifies or not — is it artistic enough? Does it show enough that these actions are evil and wrong? Can the author prove they’re a teenager? Can the author prove they are a CSA victim? Can the author prove that this is to help them cope with their trauma? The author seem to be functioning alright, they mustn’t really be traumatised!

You know what I mean! There’s absolute, objectively gross shit out there that is not artistic and should not be published.

I agree that there’s vile stuff out there that makes me sick and that I think is very clearly just ped*philic trash. But there is no way to, 1) stop those from getting published anyway, 2) take those down and preserve the safety of everything else.

If we start forbidding some things, there’s two ways to go about it.

One single, clear, arbitrary rule — for instance, absolutely no adult content featuring characters under 18 (leaving aside the fact that this would not even work for the reason cited above). So we lose all the stuff from teenagers, all the coming of age stories about adolescence, all the stuff from CSA survivors; people who need to write it can’t publish it anymore, and people who need to read it can’t anymore either (and as a cool bonus, they’re told it’s wrong and made to feel bad about it). Depending on whether the rules applies to characters that are under 18 in the canon, we lose entire fandoms.

Or, subjective moderation by humans, according to what they estimate to be gross.

Let’s assume all moderators can agree on what’s gross or not.

If there is a system in place to ban some underage works because “gross shit”, then that means other gross stuff can be taken down on account of being gross and harmful.

Yeah! Gross stuff should be taken down! Come on, surely everyone agrees on what’s gross and harmful.

Ah.

But the problem is.

Here is a list of things I have seen — with my eyes seen — called harmful to be depicted in fiction:

Murder

Non-con

Inc*st

Cannibalism

Torture

Self-harm

Mental illness

Drugs

Racism

K*nk

Non-negotiated k*nk, but healthy k*nk is ok

Spanking k*nk

BDSM where the woman is a bottom, but woman top is ok

Healthy depictions of BDSM

Unhealthy depictions of BDSM

Queer people doing bad things

Abusive relationships

Rival/Enemies to lovers

Redemption stories

A happy relationship between a 17 yo and an 18 yo

A happy relationship between a 20 yo and a 60 yo

A happy relationship between a boss and their employee, or a college teacher and a student

A happy relationship between a 14 yo boy and an older teenage boy, because that’s reminiscent of older men preying on younger gay boys IRL

Se*ual content featuring a character whose age is unclear in canon and some people headcanon them as being underage, some as being a young adult

Loving, consensual fluff between characters that are evil villains, because it romanticises them and their actions

Dark content shipping female characters

Fluffy content shipping female characters, because it’s misogynistic to act like lesbians are only soft all the time

Consensual s*x featuring a canonically asexual character, because it implies that all aces can and should still have se*

Fics about the same canonically asexual character hating s*x, because that erases the experience of s*x-positive aces

Shipping a character who is perceived by some fans as queer-coded with a character of a different s*x

The tendency to ship a black character with white characters

Fluffy drunk s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Sleep s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Trans characters not experiencing dysphoria, because that idealises the trans experience

Consensual s*x between adults that are not married

LGBT+ content, because kids shouldn’t see that.

I guarantee you: you, I, and 10 random people plucked from the street will not agree on what, in that list, is and isn’t okay to publish and consume fiction of.

So why should your taste be the one followed? Why should it be the taste of mods you don’t know? Why should anyone get to dictate? What if the mods think your OTP is gross and your NOTP is fine?

This is the slippery slope argument.

Yes, it is the slippery slope argument. Because we know it happens. Because we’ve been there, because I’ve seen it happen myself twice already and I’m not even thirty. Because we know people do complain loudly about all of these things.

And because the second there is a banning system in place, assholes will use the system to abuse it and get stuff they just don’t like taken down using the “it is gross” argument, and one day you’ll wake up and the beautiful fic that helped you come to terms with your abuse/trauma/identity/orientation/k*nk for feet will be taken down and wonderful vulnerable creative people will have been harassed out of fandom because they argued with 1 person who didn’t like their foot k*nk fic that happened to also feature, for instance, a CSA trauma backstory.

Again: not exaggerating. Not theoretical. It happens, we know it happens, AO3 was created literally because it happens.

I still fucking hate that stuff.

That is completely fine and normal. No one likes everything. Me too! Most of the dark stuff is niche and the creators know only few people will like it the same way they do.

(For the record, I get grossed out and triggered by fics about an asexual character who does not like s*x having s*x with their partner to make them happy. Deep in my gut everything screams that that’s fucked up, terrifying and harmful, how can people write that. But I recognise that there are people who love and need that, and I leave those people and their content alone.

OTOH, I read a lot of otherwise dark shit and I enjoy it in the same way I enjoyed, say, Hannibal, in the same way some people enjoy true crime documentaries, horror movies or r*pe fantasy k*nk. It helps me explore stuff that I like to see in fiction, in a safe, controlled way. I’m also asexual, 90% s*x-repulsed IRL, and, obviously, I would never abuse a child. For that matter, I wouldn’t kill and eat people, either, nor would I do 90% of the tamer k*nky stuff I read.

Of course, Hannibal was fucked up and lots of people probably think Hannibal was gross and should not have been aired — but as exemplified by the fact that it was created, aired and watched, lots of people thought it was fine, interesting and even fun to watch.)

You can and should curate your experience and protect yourself. The AO3 website now allows you to exclude certain tags, and people have developed tools to help with that such as plugins that save your filters or hide fics that contain certain words.

But no, it isn’t going to, and it shouldn’t, get banned.

[lightskinrry]

no wedding for the bad boys

The one where the bachelor’s party doesn’t go according to the plan

A/N: hello cuties,,, after not writing for a while im back with some angsty shit!!!! i hope you guys like it and don’t hesitate to share your thoughts with me about this mess!!

Word Count: 5k

TW: a loooooot of alcohol; gambling and ANGST.

One of the things you liked so much about being the single friend was that you were always the one to keep the party alive. And now you were about to birth the best party of all times. Your best friend was getting married in two weeks and you were in charge of the bachelor’s party.

And with great power comes great responsibility, you had to plan everything and keep it a surprise. And if there was one thing you sucked at; it was keeping secrets, especially from Harry. He always had his way with you; it was hard keeping anything from him.

You couldn’t quite believe he was getting married. You watched him grow from a horny teenager to a beautiful and inspiring man. You saw him give his first concert in his mom’s living room and then watched him sold out arenas around the world.

You gave him his first kiss and helped him cheat his math tests and now you were his best-woman at his wedding. You helped him break up with his exes, held him while he cried, bringing him tequila and ice cream on bad days, making him laugh once the tears dried away. And he always did the same for you. And now you were gonna be by his side like you’ve always been on the most beautiful day of his life.

You had your little reluctance towards his future spouse. She was a beautiful and independent woman but you felt like you couldn’t see through her. Maybe because she entered into your lives not so long ago and you needed more time to get her. You could tell she didn’t like you much, anyway.

They’ve been together for less than a year and Harry “commitment issues” Styles proposed to her, to everybody’s surprise; even his own.

His mom tried to tell him that he had to be sure before pulling out such a great move. But he was so infatuated, it was too beautiful to bring him back to reality.

You didn’t want to interfere anyway so when he told you, despite your surprise and little bitterness; you supported him like a good friend.

He seemed so happy and into her, you didn’t want to let him know you didn’t trust his future wife or that to you all of this seemed premature. You also didn’t want your own feelings to balance his.

Anyway, you started planning the party ahead of time and everything was going rather well. Miss (future) Styles gave you some instructions and rules to follow regarding the party because Harry said you could do anything you wanted except if she wasn’t okay with it. So no strippers, no hookers, no clowns. Who would even bring a clown to a bachelor party? Well it seemed she didn’t want that anyway. She also said not too much alcohol and no drugs. She could’ve just tell you to cancel the party at that extent. But you had to give in to her commands...

Looked like you were about to organize a tea party for elderly people… Literally, bring out the cucumber sandwiches and put milk in your tea like these old rich british dudes.

You had to find a way to make a real bachelor party. Something huge and iconic; something legendary. You planned on giving Harry a Barney’s worthy type of party.

You thought about every outcomes that could make his future wife freak out. So you decided instead of staying too close to her, why not make a spontaneous move.

You met with the groomsmen and basically all yours and Harry’s friends that would be attending the party to make sure everyone was in with the plan and obviously said nothing to Harry.

You kept the secret until d-day.

You were waiting for him, wearing your red suit, in the lobby. “Harry, we’re leaving now, man. If you’re not out that door in 2, we’ll celebrate your party without you.”

He rushed through the hallway. “I’m right here. Ready to party like I’m already seventy.”

You told him about his bride-to-be restrictions concerning the party so he didn’t expect anything crazy. “No worries, baby. You still look young.”

It was a short ride to his favorite restaurant. You were driving, screaming-singing the lyrics to Got To Be Real and he was singing with you, taking breaks in his track to laugh with you. You parked in his usual spot and walked through the door, all your friends already sitting at the table, cheering when they saw the two of you walking in.

“Ah! Here he is! The man of the night!” Jeff stood to welcome Harry to the table.

You both took a sit and order a few drinks.

The evening went fast, you had great dinner, shared cuban cigars, good alcohol and had the best chocolate cake. Everything was moderate just like Tania asked; a fancy dinner in a fancy restaurant, not too much alcohol and nobody blacked out.... yet.

Harry stood, raising his glass to make a toast. “Thank you guys so much for tonight. I know we wanted to throw a rock’n’roll party…” He gave you a sly look. “But I appreciate that you took the time and care to give me a real grownup bachelor party.” He laughed a little. “I love you guys. I feel so lucky to have friends like you. So supportive and thoughtful. Thank you.”

All of you cheered on him. And one by one all of your friends left, claiming to be going home to their spouses. You and Harry were the last one to leave the restaurant. You stood next to the car, as Harry thanked the staff, waiting for him to come to you.

“So… I have a little surprise for you.” You gave him a sneaky smile.

“Oh god, this cannot be good.”

You smiled and pulled out a blindfold out of your pocket. He shook his head. “No. No. No. That doesn’t look good at all.”

You giggled and insisted. “C’mon. It’s your bachelor party. I promise it’s going to be fun but not too much.” You smiled. “Do you trust me?”

He sighed loudly… “Fine, Y/N. You better not throw me in the back of a truck or some kidnapping bullshit like that.”

You scoffed. “No worries.”

He closed his eyes and you put yourself behind him, placed the blindfold on his face and smiled contentedly. “Good. Now just follow me, baby. I got big plans for you.”

He laughed nervously and turned around to face you. “I feel like I might die tonight. But you know what? I trust you and your fucking crazy ideas. I knew you couldn’t just stop at dinner party and cigars.”

You gave him your best evil laugh and directed him to his seat in the car. You placed yourself in the driver seat, put on your playlist and drove.

After about 30 minutes driving and Harry complaining about the blindfold, you pulled over in the parking lot. You directed Harry through the airport, up until the gate of the plane. There all of your friends were waiting silently, smiling slyly.

“I can’t believe you convinced him.”

Harry turned around on himself. “Mitch?”

All your friends cheered to let him know they were all here.

“Fuck, so that was a group plan, huh? What did she convinced me to do? Because I can tell we’re in a airport, I’m not deaf and this is a bad plan, I can already tell. This is a bad plan.”

You all laughed and you gently stroked Harry’s shoulder. “Harry, when did I ever put you in a bad situation?”

“That time in Atlanta when we ended up-”

“This never happened. It was a fever dream. You know I would never put you in a bad situation.” You cut him in his track, remembering the misadventure.

“What about that night in NYC last year? I remember that basement, Y/N.”

“This wasn’t a bad situation, just a plan that kinda failed.”

He giggled before turning around again. “Okay, so what’s the plan that will most certainly fail today?”

“You get your ass on that plane and you’ll see!”

Harry sighed but with the help of everyone, he got on the plane. You took the blindfold off him and made sure to keep him busy during the flight.

After the pilot announced the destination, you watched Harry’s soul leave his body.

“Vegas? Fucking Vegas? You guys are all mad. Mad men. Does Tania even know?”

All of you gave him a big smile and said “Surprise!” in harmony.

“She doesn’t know. We’ll call her later. Just relax, mate.” Tom smiled at Harry and laid back in his seat.

Harry leaned in your ear and whispered. “She’s going to kill both of us, you know that?”

“Then we’ll both die after the best party of our lives.”

The flight was fun. You guys chattered and laughed. Harry was finally relaxing and giving into the mood. You couldn’t wait until you land to show him all you planned for tonight. But mostly all you didn’t plan; the best nights you spent with Harry were the ones that started without a plan. The ones that were supposed to be chilling at home. Actually even chilling at home turned into the best night. That was the thing; even the most boring shit can be amazing if you’re with the right people.

***

After landing and getting down from the plane, you lead Harry and all your friends to where the party was at; everywhere. You were painting the town red tonight.

You started with a few drinks in the lobby of the hotel, making your way downtown to a Casino just for the sake of being in Vegas, then you moved to a ballroom where a 30s theme party was going on. You sipped on Martinis and Manhattans until the fancy drinks were getting boring so you moved the group to a grunge club. Everybody was dancing and drinking and whatever else they found amusing. You could tell everyone was having fun, especially Harry.

Around 2AM some girl proposed to your group to come to her place cause she was throwing an after-party.  And obviously, everyone followed because following drunk strangers is fun.

You ended up at her place; all of y’all in a tiny apartment with some trash music and cheap alcohol, dancing and screaming until the neighbors called the cops for disturbance. So everyone, as drunk (and high for some) as they were, started leaving and running when the pigs showed up. You rolled with Harry, running through the night in the neighbourhood, laughing and breathing loudly.

“Fuck! I knew this was gonna end badly!” Harry laughed at you while reaching to grab your hand so you could run as fast as he did. You tightened your grip around his hand once you had it and ran to a dark corner.

You placed your hands on your knees and sighed, breathing deeply. “It could’ve been worse. The pigs could’ve arrested us.”

“I’m pretty sure my negotiation skills would’ve gotten us out anyways.”

You scoffed. “Your white ass face would’ve been enough, baby.”

He laughed and grabbed your hands to keep going further away from the girl’s house and the police car. You both were too drunk to even think correctly about where to go. You sent a text to the groupchat asking if everyone was okay and to meet up at the hotel.

But neither you or Harry could tell what way to go so you walked for a little while, stopping by any bar you came across  to get another drink.

You walked for about an hour and you were finally heading back into the city center. Your feet hurt so you stopped in a little park next to a Casino and a crappy motel.

You sat your ass down on a bench and grabbed Harry’s hand to make him sit next to you. He sighed and sat. You watched the sky for a little while.

“The stars look like a bunch of beans. Like a shit ton of beans flying above us.”

You laughed at his drunken comment. “Yep, a sky full of fucking beans.”

You both started singing the Coldplay’s song in harmony but replacing stars with beans all the way through the chorus and cracking up in laughter everytime you emphasize the word ‘beans’.

Harry took a long breath after his giggle and sighed. “Fuck, I’m gonna miss this.”

You looked at him for a second. “What do you mean?”

“Having fun with you like that. I’m gonna miss it.”

“But none of us is going anywhere?” You were pretty confused about his statement.

“Tania wants to settle in Los Angeles.” He turned his head to look at you. “And you know… You’re not…in Los Angeles, you. You’re not.”

You didn’t expect that. You thought if Harry was to ever settle somewhere it’d be in London. “You mean you’re gonna spend all your free time in LA? Fucking LA? Drinking grass smoothies all the time?”

He chortled at your comment. “It seems like that’s the plan.”

You stayed silent for a few minutes, taking the information in. It felt worse than a breakup; you were losing your best-friend and without even knowing it, you threw the goodbye party.

“So you’re really going to marry her and move and we’ll never see each other again?”

Obviously alcohol made it all even more dramatic to you; it was an overwhelming emotion.

“Not never again…”

“C’mon, you know damn well what happens when longtime friends part sides! We’ve watched How I Met Your Mother together!”

He chuckled and then took a deep breath. The air was suddenly heavier, and all the alcohol in your blood was making it hard to keep the focus on the serious conversation.

“We should do one last crazy ass thing together. It’s not like we’re gonna remember it anyway!” Harry pointed the casino with his head.

“You mean blow all of our money on bets and shots of patron?”

“Yep, that’s exactly what I mean.”

You didn’t check your phone as it rang in your pocket and followed up behind Harry running towards the Casino.

You took a last round of shots in the lobby. And you started shouting at Harry, your glass in the air. “You know what? I just remembered you’re getting fucking married, dude! Married? Fucking married. I can’t believe I’m gonna say this but fuck this bitch you’re engaged to.”

Harry laughed and shouted back. “Hey! I’m already fucking this bitch I’m engaged to!”

You cracked up in a laugh. “Noooooo! I mean she sucks! She wants to take you away. Awaaaaaaay.” You hiccuped and took a breath.

“I’m in love with you. I’ve been since like fifth grade or whatever.” You chugged down the rest of your glass.

Harry stopped for a second, he placed his glass on the bar. “Wow. That’s a revelation.”

He giggled and took a sip of his tequila. “I’ve been in love with you since like….. That time in third grade when you punched me in the chin cause there was a bee on me….”

“Oh fuck! I remember…. Your lip bled so much.” You let a little laugh slip through your lips. The alcohol in your blood made you lose sense of the importance of the words you just shared with Harry and what he shared back. And you thought for a second that maybe it was just drunk talk but the stupid smile you couldn’t get off your face reminded you the truth of it: it was going to stink in the morning.

After making sure both of you got enough drinks, you led him in the Casino and stopped at the first roulette table.

“Okay.” You looked at Harry. “What’s the bet though? Cause I will be putting money on something I have no idea how to play.”

“Well if I win, then you have to elope with me.”

“Oh shit.” You took a deep breath. “Fair, but if I win, we are eloping this motherfucker together.”

He scoffed. “Looks like we’re eloping tonight… That word is fucking weird, though. Eloping.”

“Who cares about the word! I’m betting on number 22 and 15. What about you baby?”

Harry took a look at the roulette for a second, placed the cash he had in his pocket on the table. “22;15.” He looked at you with a smug smile.

The dealer spinned the wheel and revealed the winning number. “22. You win.”

You collected your payout with Harry, left a big tip to the server and ran out the Casino to find a chapel.

“This is going to be so bad!!” You laughed out while running with Harry.

“Like every plan you’ve ever put me into.”

You stopped in front of the chapel at the back of the crappy motel.

“I don’t want to get married to Tania… She’s amazing. I love her so much. But it’s so boring. So boring. I want stupid plans and crappy basements party and casinos and unexpected flights and I want to be able to say when I’m 78 and I don’t have no hair left and I smell like old shoes and cheese that I married my best friend and I never regretted anything.”

“You’re being too fucking deep, Harry. There’s a Madonna drag as the officiant in this chapel. You are going to regret this.”

He chuckled before taking your hand. “We, Y/N. We are going to regret this.”

“Yep.”

You took a step into the chapel, glanced at Harry’s face to be met with a big smile and his drunken eyes. “Fuck this, I guess?”

***

You woke up with a terrible headache, your eyes could barely open because the light was too bright in the room. There was a weird smell of old alcohol, carpet and coconut air freshener. You opened your eyes fully only for your vision to be blurry as hell, the ceiling was moving and your head was so heavy, you couldn’t lift it up. You tried to look around you, seeing pulled up green sheets over your naked body and what seemed to be the curves of someone laying next to you. You felt a rumbling in your stomach and that’s the moment you knew; you had to get up…. because you were going to throw up.

You rushed to the bathroom and closed the door behind you. After emptying your stomach, you sat on the floor for a few seconds. The bathroom was small and poorly lit with a little window over the bathtub. You stood up and washed your face, taking the time to look at yourself in the dirty old mirror over the sink. Your hair was a mess and your make up was smudged. You had a huge hickey on your neck and little ones following down to your chest. You got out of the bathroom, holding your head and stumbling slightly. The room was clear since the curtains were pulled, you peaked at who was sleeping in the bed and found Harry, draped in the sheets peacefully snoring. You swallowed the gulp in your throat; this wasn’t good. You checked your phone and to no surprise you had a shit ton of missed calls and texts from your group of friends. Some asking if you’re okay, others where you’re at and some insulting you for not answering.

You gently shook Harry’s body. “Wake up.” He moaned before pulling back the covers to his face. You tugged on them to uncover him, leaving his chest bare. “Wake up, Harry.”

He groaned and turned around to lay on his back, his face turned to the ceiling. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost 9.” He turned to face you, opening slightly his eyes to peek at you. “You’re naked.” He nonchalantly said. You blushed for a second pulling the covers off him to cover yourself. He looked down to himself. “I’m naked, too.”

A floating silence lasted a few seconds before Harry jumped out of bed to find his underwear. “I’m naked! I’m naked. You’re naked. We’re in a bed. We’re in…. Where even are we?”

“In a motel somewhere in Vegas.”

“In Vegas?” His voice got two octaves higher. “Why are we in Vegas?”

“For your bachelor party, Harry. Stop freaking out.”

“Are you asking me not to freak out? We’re in a bloody crappy motel in Vegas and we’re both naked. I can’t remember what happened last night for the life of me and my head is killing me.”

He sat down on the edge of the bed, putting his pants back on. You looked at his back and you could see slight scratches marks with the sun light. You started getting dressed too, as fast as you could. Harry grabbed his phone and started scrolling down. You heard him sigh loudly.

“The fuck we did last night, Y/N?”

“Wish I could give you an answer, Harry. All I remember is getting on the plane and then it’s a black hole.”

“Well…” He got up from the bed, wearing only his trousers. You watched his chest for a second, his tattoos and his glowing chest in the sunlight. You caught yourself staring at him; his shoulders, his chest hair, your glaze going down to his trail.

“Y/N?” Harry’s voice resonated.

“Huh?”

“Did you hear what I said?” He tilted his head to the side and gave you a confused look.

“What did you say?” Your eyes lowered to the floor so that you would stop looking at him.

“I said I hope we didn’t do anything stupid. The wedding is next week. I have a stressed and very angry bride-to-be waiting for me at home and at the look of her texts, I’m in for a bad fight.”

You pinched your lips at the thought. What if you did something stupid? What if you messed up? It was already a stressful time for them. And you stewed in with a giant weekend party in Vegas when the instruction was clear: no big party.

“Let’s go find the others and finish our weekend.”

Harry scoffed as he picked up his shirt. “I’m going home. I’m sorry if I’m breaking the mood but I’m hopping on the next flight back to LA.”

***

You couldn’t quite figure out how to place the flashbacks from the weekend. It was already Monday and the wedding was in 6 days. You had flashes of a party in a small and unknown apartment and running in the streets with Harry and playing in a Casino but still nothing on how you got into the motel with him. Harry went back home on Saturday morning and from his voice message last night; he got quite into fight with Tania. She wasn’t happy at all with the Vegas plan but Harry reassured her and apparently everything was better today. You wondered if Harry remembered anything more than you, maybe he could fill in the blanks.

You knew the week was going to go fast and the wedding would be here sooner than you’d think, so you just hoped nothing unexpected would come back to you or him.

On Wednesday, you met up with Harry and the groomsmen for last minute check-ins for the wedding. You walked into the manor Harry reserved for the ceremony and as an obvious bad sign, Tania didn’t even said hello to you and avoided any eye-contact. You kinda wanted to apologize to her. After all, you did mess up a little bit.

“Hey guys.” You walked up to where your friends was.

“Hey Y/N. Did you pick up the ring from the jeweler?” Harry didn’t even look at you. He was signing some papers with the caterer and just asked the question without looking up.

“Yep. Got it right in the bag.”

Harry gave you a little look and you felt weird about it. It wasn’t his usual ‘thanks for doing the job’ look or anything tender. It was cold and almost professional.

You went over your check-ins with the groomsmen. You didn’t talk to Harry for the two hours you were there, not a word or a look. You knew something was off so once the work was done, you asked him to meet you in the bathroom.

You were standing next to the sink, checking your reflection when Harry walked in.

“Is there something wrong with the ceremony?” He asked bluntly.

“No.. Um… I just wanted… needed… to talk to you.”

“About?” He wanted to cut the conversation short and you hated this feeling in your stomach.

You sighed and smiled tenderly to him. “Well… How are you feeling? The big day is so close.”

“I’m feeling okay.” His answer was sharp but you were desperate to understand what was going on.

“Harry… What’s wrong? Why are you so cold?” You insisted.

He took a deep breath and closed the door behind him, making sure it’s locked.

“You know how I said I hope we didn’t do anything stupid in Vegas?”

“Yes.” You were confused about where he was going with that but it seemed bad.

“Well, we did something stupid.” His jaw clenched and you felt out of breath. “We did something so fucking stupid, Y/N.” You swallowed the gulp in your throat. “We fucked. I can’t even believe it. I don’t even remember how we ended up in that crappy fucking room. All I remember is how I had sex with….” He didn’t even look at you. “I cheated on my wife, before we even fucking got married.”

You couldn’t say anything, the images slowly came back to you.

“You have nothing to say, huh?”

Your ‘humour coping mechanism in stressful situations’ reflex kicked in at the wrong time. “Well, technically it’s not cheating, the bachelor party is a single man party.” You laughed nervously.

“It’s all your fault. We said no fucking party. No big stupid plans, but you had to go against our wishes because you’re so fucking selfish.”

You couldn’t say a word. You never seen Harry so mad at you before.

“Look, I’m sorry your dating life is such a mess. And that you can’t find anyone, but I did. I found someone. Someone amazing and then I fucked this shit up because you couldn’t go without one party.” He rapidly passed his hand through his hair, and sighed.

You felt anger boiling down in your stomach. Him being mad was comprehensible but it wasn’t all your fault.

“You fucked this shit up, yourself. I wanted to throw a fun bachelor party for my best friend. You wouldn’t have had sex with me if you didn’t wanted to. Because deep down, you know you don’t want this marriage. You don’t want to be stuck with Miss Boring Pants and spend the rest of your life here in LA, drinking grass smoothies and having to partake in her posh high standard life. You know that’s not what you want. You know it was premature to propose so soon in the relationship. You’re mad at yourself, Harry. Get a grip. You shouldn’t do this.”

It all slipped. You just couldn’t hold it in.

“I shouldn’t do what?” Harry’s face was red, his nostrils were open and the vein on his neck was popping. You could tell he was holding back the tears at the gate.

You took a deep breath and a calm voice. “Get married. You shouldn’t get married.”

He filled his lungs with air and exhaled loudly, trying to keep his composure.

“Listen carefully Y/N. You are nobody to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. What happened in Vegas was a drunken mistake and I won’t let it ruin the best day of my life. I won’t let you ruin the best day of my life. So here’s what’s going to happen. We’re going to go through the ceremony with no slips and then I’m moving to LA with Tania. And you, you move out of my life.”

Your heart sank to your stomach, and your face was boiling; the tears slowly gathering in your eyes.

“You don’t mean it.” Your voice was almost like a whisper.

“I do, Y/N. From now on, I just want to make sure this wedding is the perfect wedding Tania wants.”

He unlocked the door of the bathroom and left without looking back. You brought your hand to your chest as if it would soothe the pain and let the tears flow down your face. It couldn’t be real.

***

It was hard going on like nothing happened but if there was anything you could do right now was make sure you got your best-woman duties done. The wedding was tomorrow and you had to finish your speech. What would you even say? “To my ex-best friend, I wish you the best to you and your boring wife.” That sounds about right.

You were waiting for Jeff to come in with the last informations regarding the ceremony so that tomorrow everything goes according to the plan. You heard a knock on your door, you got up thinking Jeff came in early and opened up. A postman with a big envelope was standing there.

“Y/N  Y/L/N?” He asked, looking up from his notes.

“Yes, herself.”

He asked for your id and verified it. “That’s for you.” He handed you the enveloppe and after you took it, asked for you to sign the delivery papers.

You thanked him and got back inside. You sat on the sofa to open it, there was a Vegas postage on it and your heart missed a bit.

You slowly opened the envelope. Inside you found a marriage license legally binding you and Harry for life. You pinched your lips and took a deep breath. This was a mess, a huge mess.

How on point was this news? Good way to make sure his ceremony goes exactly like they planned when you’re going to come in and let them know they can’t get married anymore.

You sat back and tried to clear your mind.

You were officially married to Harry…. And Harry is about to actually get married tomorrow. This didn’t make much sense but you had to think of a solution and quick.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #228

“blood on her skin, dripping with sin, do it again, living dead girl.”

How many sugars do you like in your tea? Man, I find A LOT of tea or coffee questions in surveys. Anyone who reads these knows by now I hate tea. Ever heard of a band called The Dresden Dolls? I fucking love "The Gardner," but it's the only song I know. What was the last movie you saw that made you laugh out loud? Idk, I watch movies so rarely. Who’s your favorite superhero? Deadpool, if you count him (technically an anti-hero, I kno). Otherwise, I don't really know. Possibly Spider-Man. What does your regular attire consist of? Pajama pants and tank tops lmaoooo. Popsicles or Ice cream? Ice cream. Are you good at solving math problems in your head? It's almost impossible for me to. Even simple addition. What kind of M&Ms do you like best? Normal chocolate ones. What is the last thing you tried on in a store? Uhhhh I think formal shirts when I was actually working on getting a job... Are you comfortable enough around your friends to change in front of them? No. Does your best friend wear makeup? No. Have you ever dated someone in secret? No. How do you get splinters out? Tweezers. Do you ever send people good morning texts? Sara sometimes. Is there someone who makes you blush when you just say hi to them? No. Do you kiss your pets? Of course. Why did you go to church the last time you went? My then-friend was having a serious "reborn" and devout Christian phase. Who’s the richest person you know? I don't know. How old is the oldest person you know? I also don't know. 90-something. Who's the last person who asked your name? My math professor needed a refresher when handing out test results. Have you ever been so drunk you couldn’t even talk right? No. Do you know anyone with a million middle names? I know someone with three or four. Do online dating sites ever work? For some people. When you were a teenager, did your parents set rules about dating? No. Have you ever lived with a person who you tried to avoid at all costs? No. Have you ever committed a crime that directly harmed another person? No. Did you grow up in an urban, suburban, or rural area? I guess suburban/rural mix? Which disease do you personally think is the most horrible? Alzheimer's. What is your worst childhood memory? I mean it depends on what stage of childhood, but I'm going to assume you mean like, pre-pre-teen years. In that case, just my parents fighting. Do you remember where you first drove to after getting your license? N/A What did you get into trouble for the most when you were a kid? Fighting with my little sister, probably. What is your biological sex? Female. What is the oldest gaming console you own? A GameBoy Advance. Of all the houses you’ve lived in, which has been your favorite? If you excuse the bad memories, my previous one. Do you get sunburnt easily? Oh yeah. What’s the color of your front door? White. Your favorite ice cream flavor: It alternates between just plain chocolate and vanilla. How many people have you been really in love with? Twice. Your favorite song at the moment: "Necessary Evil" by Motionless In White feat. Jonathan Davis. What’s most important for you? My well-being. Do you snore? No. What are you looking forward to right now? Mark's next big project comes out October 30th and I can't physically wait, but after that, all I care about is December getting here so I can go up to Sara's. What’s the earliest you’ve ever had to wake up for work? N/A Do you use reusable shopping bags to reduce waste? No, but I wish... I don't do the shopping in my house, so it's not really my decision. How many times have you moved? Three times *really*, but you could kinda say four when Jason, me, and our two friends/another couple moved into an apartment together; my name was in no way involved as being an official resident, but it eventually came to a point where I was there every day and night for quite a while. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? Yes. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? No. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? HA HA fuck no. They've been divorced since I was like 16. Have you ever read any of Charles Darwin’s works? No. Do you think there are more dimensions than what we’re able to perceive? I lean towards no, but it's possible, sure. Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia? Yes. Do any of your neighbors have loud children? No. Who would you say is your hero? Mark, my mom, Sara. You can only shop at one store for the rest of your life where would it be? If you're talking about in order to buy everything, from food to clothes, I'd have to say Walmart. Do you text type or do you type out all your words? Mostly the latter, but I'll use "lol," "otw," stuff like that sometimes. Have you ever given money to a homeless person? No. I'mma be real honest, I don't think I ever would. I just DO NOT trust people. It's fact that the money is usually used for alcohol and drugs, and I've seen news of more than enough posing assholes. Who are you living with? My mom and pets. What are your opinions on colored contacts? Cool as fuck, wish I could wear them. Are you comfortable with your body? Fuck no. What is one thing in your life that is no longer there, that you miss? A social life. What do you believe is the best thing about being a kid? No responsibilities. Life is just simpler. Last time you had a s'more? Shortly after Sara left when she visited. We had leftover stuff so Mom and I made a few. Do you like peppermint candy? Yeah. Do you like spearmint or peppermint gum better? Peppermint, I think. Do you prefer fruity flavors over minty ones? Yes. Do you have a little Pink brand dog from Victoria’s Secret? No. What is the last thing you blew? Idr, I'm sure some kind of food. What’s the last gift you received? Sara got me a mug with a super relevant Markiplier quote sobs- What did your parents do today? I don't live with my dad so idk, but I know my mom's at work. What is the symbol for your type of computer? It's just the brand name. Do the clothes you’re wearing have any type of symbol on them now? Skulls. Do you like peas? NO. Where is your favorite place to be massaged? I wouldn't know, but probably my shoulders? Do you like composition books, or spiral notebooks? Spiral notebooks. The person you like, what color eyes do they have? Brown. So what is your favorite physical feature about that person? She has a freckle on her hip that is so fucking cute. What kind of four wheeler do you have? I don't have and never have had one. Do you live where there are a lot of cows? Sure, I guess. What is your favorite animal with spots? Probably snow leopards. Give me your opinion on sports. I don't have a problem with them (save for like, boxing and ones that can seriously harm people), but I'm not into them. Why do you play the sports you do? N/A Do you actually care about your school work and what grades you make? Yes I care. Do you have a typical family, or a weird one? Honestly a pretty broken one. Do you have a favorite letter? Probably "z," particularly in cursive. From the room you're in can you hear a door shut when someone arrives there? Sometimes. What states have you been to in the past year? Just NC and Illinois. Well, I obviously flew over other states, but I've only stayed in those two. Have you ever sleepwalked? I have not. Do you want children? Why/why not? "Hell no. I don’t like kids and I don’t want the rest of my life to be centred around one." <<< That's a great description for myself as well. I know I would be a fucking awful mother, too. Not as in I'd be mean to my child, absolutely not, it's just I barely manage to take care of myself a lot of the time. I'm not emotionally fit for that job and the stress it entails, at all. And yeah, being willing to make someone else my world is something I'm never doing again. I want my attention to stay on myself, my spouse, and pets. Do you have any credit card debt? Hi, I'm 23 and don't own and never have owned a credit card. Who do you go to for relationship advice? Honestly, I don't. I look within myself for those answers, really. I think I'm pretty intelligent and aware of how to maintain a healthy relationship. There's been times I've talked to my mother about things, but yeah, she's not the greatest to talk about all that with. What was your favorite way to spend a summer day as a kid? Swimming. Have you ever been scammed? Not successfully. I think. Did you ever take a personal finance class in school? None were offered at my high school. I don't know if they are now at my college, though, but I don't think so. They need to be, and mandatory. I don't have the slightest goddamn clue how to handle money. How’s your mental health? Are you feeling well? I'm going through a rough patch right now. School is stressing me. Not having a job and struggling with money to the extreme is about to make my hair fall out. Do you struggle with acne? Not anymore. Did you have a Xanga page back in the pre-Myspace days? I've never had a Xanga. Around what year did you start using the internet, anyways? I was like, 9-10? Maybe even earlier with Webkinz and Neopets, idr. I know I started RP in 2005, and that's when I was very actively online. Do you have any uncommon interests or hobbies? A few. Forum RP is definitely the "weirdest," hence why I hide it publicly. Then there's photographing roadkill. The LOOKS Mom tells me I get when I'm on the ground next to a dead animal, lol. I've had questions, stares, and cars turn around aplenty to make sure I'm okay. I'm really self-conscious about doing it, but I really love doing it for the purpose of forcing eyes onto just how brutal roadkill can be because of us, and the validating comments I've gotten about it online pushes me to keep going with it. Well, that and of course just sincerely enjoying it. That being said, I like gore - in moderation, and some kinds are just off-limits without me getting grossed out. "Vulture culture" (the use of naturally deceased animals in some form of artwork) is also something I am very very interested in. Wet specimens of anything are cool as all fuck. There's a load of unconventional things I enjoy. What temperature do you keep your thermostat set at in the winter? Uhhhh idk, 70-something. Have you ever fostered an animal? No, but I am 110% fostering opossums once I get my own place and am authorized and properly equipped to do so. What is something you thought you’d never like, but you enjoy now? Hm. OH, ketchup. I hated that shit as a kid. Did your parents ever not let you watch any television shows as a child? Yeah, but none in exact come to mind. Basically like, MTV and stuff like that was a big no. How old were you when you had your first kiss? Who was this kiss with? I just turned 16. It was with Jason, my first "real" boyfriend. Have you ever betrayed one of your parents in any way at all? Doing what? I don't think so. What are your favorite stores to go to when you visit the mall? Hot Topic and Spencer's is like all I care about that we have available near here. Has anyone ever told you they don't like the way you run your life? Ohhhhhhhhhh, I wasn't the only one who experienced that with her. At all. Does it bother you when you comment someone’s pictures and they don't even comment you saying ‘thank you’ or comment one of your pictures? I find it rude if they in no way acknowledge a compliment, yes, but you don't have to say thanks. Just like, like/hearting the comment (I'm using Facebook as my platform here) says enough to me that you're appreciative. Now for the second half of the question, that's stupid. I don't care if someone doesn't comment on a picture. Or anything. When was the last time you had a shot? Are you behind on those right now? I had a few numbing shots into my gums when I had a cavity filled early this month/late last month since my tongue ring finally caused one. I'm not behind on any required ones. Have you ever had a really rare disease, virus, or illness? Really rare, I don't think so? When was the last time you just, genuinely went somewhere with friends? Been a looooooong time, idk. Probably not since I was still friends with Colleen. Would you consider yourself a hygiene freak, or do you not care much? Neither of those fit me. Though I'm more likely to neglect myself out of the two. It depends on how I'm doing. That hasn't entirely healed since recovery. Are you old enough to live by yourself or are you just mature enough? I'm definitely old enough, just not independent or healthy enough, or financially capable. What is one thing you stopped doing just because everyone else stopped? I've never moved with fads. Have you ever been considered the freak of your class at any time in life? "Freak" seems a bit strong of a word, but "the weird kid," probably. Have you ever been to a Sea World before? Which one in which state? As a kid, yes, in Florida. I wouldn't now as an adult; I do not even remotely support their captivity of whales. I don't know all the facts behind their business so can't speak for all the animals, and I am not against all animal captivity so long it is providing and with good purpose (conservation, education, etc.), but nothing will make me pay to support the incredibly incompetent housing and mistreatment of whales. Do you believe in any kind of magic? Is it the stereotypical kind? *shrugs* I mean I dunno, define "magic," I guess. I personally believe some form of greater intelligence created the universe, and I suppose that's "magic." The person I copied this from brought up a great point, too: Science itself can seem pretty magical, so where do you even draw the line? Ex., the evolution of caterpillar to butterfly. That shit's fuckin' wild. A living thing melts to mush and is reformed in an entirely and completely new body. With wings, dude. There are truly a lot of natural things that occur in our world that make that line we've created blurry. Are you currently working on any kind of project at this moment in time? An argumentative essay on climate change in College Writing, if you call that a "project." I haven't started writing truly in-depth yet and may switch my focus to arranged marriages (seems random, yeah, but they're from a set list of options relevant to the book we read), only because I get fucking heated talking about climate change, and our professor made a point of not "preaching," and I also have to be capable of writing a paragraph of concession, that being an acknowledgment of the opposing point and considering its views, but. I don't think I could give climate change deniers' mindset even a sliver of genuine thought. As absolutely awful and appalling as they are, at least I can see a reason (a terrible one, but you get me) like hastening procreation in arranged marriages. Okay wow rambling ANYWAY yeah, in the starting stages of writing an essay. Which do you do more: read books, spent time online, or watch television? I'm like... always online, so yeah. What do you do the most when you’re online? Listen to/watch YouTube. Which foot is bigger, your left or your right? I don't know, I've never noticed. Do you think you’re too old to go trick-or-treating? Personally I believe anyone should be able to, but by society's standards, I am. Do you have a bobblehead? No. Have you ever had a themed b-day party? As a kid, yeah. Were you afraid of heights as a child? Nope. Do you think it’s stupid when you’re dying to have someone pray that you don’t feel afraid? (I would want them to pray that I live, personally) No? I don't believe that there's power in prayer period, but it's kind, realistic, and encouraging to hope they stay unafraid. Death is natural and happens to every single living thing, so truly, we shouldn't fear death all too much. What’s the strangest thing you’ve wrapped a present in? Uh nothing? Do you enjoy and appreciate life? Or is this something you need to learn? I appreciate it very much, but I do need to learn to enjoy it more. Have you ever made a pom-pom out of yarn? No. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? N- oh wait, in Sunday school as a young child, I was Mary in one. I don't remember HOW large the role was, but I would assume it was relatively big. Do you know how to use iMovie? I've never really tried it. I could probably figure it out pretty quickly, though. Would you raise your kids differently than your parents raised you? In some ways. For one, I would fucking not spank them. What was the best part about college? I most enjoy the flexibility of my schedule. It's not a 7-hour or whatever day every weekday. If you were homeschooled, did you come up with a school mascot? If so, what? N/A How many times a day do you check your cell to see if you have a text? Whenever it vibrates. Ever wonder if the person you hate will become the person you marry? *Hated but lmao that might just happen. If you could live in three places, a year each, where would they be? Germany, California, and maybe Canada. Your choice of transportation for anything: camel, jet pack or carriage? Carriage, probably. Think of a movie and now give me that movie title: The last person said Titanic so now I'm thinking romances, so The Notebook. Quote a line from that movie: "Tell me I'm a bird." "If you're a bird, I'm a bird." I wanted that as a tattoo with my spouse one day once upon a time. Aw! A line from your wedding vows is now: I want to recite the Corpse Bride vows with my partner. I don't feel like looking them up rn. Name a song: "God's Gonna Cut You Down" by Marilyn Manson, 'cuz that's what I'm listening to. What’s a line from that song? "Sure as God made black and white, what's done in the dark will be brought to the light." Name your two favorite characters from a TV show or movie: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. Lust and Envy, probably. When was the last time you fell asleep in a car? I dunno. How often do you think about death? Not too often? Do you believe what comes around goes around? Not always, but cause and effect makes it so sometimes. What about everything happens for a reason? NOPE. Can you sing? Not well. What kinds of little advertisements are on this page right now? None rn. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? I don't believe so. Do you have any freckles on your feet? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Black, when I do. I barely ever wear makeup, though. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? BENTLEY DOES, particularly with guests (once he trusts them, anyway). If Teddy is getting attention, odds are he's gonna come on over and stick his nose in it. Do you have any brightly colored pants? No. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? The laundry room. It's either hot or cold as fuck, depending on the season. Can you solve a Rubik’s Cube? No. I'm not good at planning future steps. Do you remember the last question you were asked? What did you answer? Well, besides the last survey question, I really don't. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? No.

[solarianradiance]

I played some Rimworld with Homestuck characters, here is what happened

Just a heads up, it gets to be really fucked up down the line, so you were warned. I also had pretty much nothing to do with how the fucked up shit happens, its just a random occurrence of the game. I can only respond to it when it happens.

I made the Alpha and Beta Kids, John, Jane, Jade, Jake, Dave, Dirk, Rose and Roxy.

I set them up to do specific jobs and have certain traits that were fitting of their personalities

Rose being our top researcher and negotiator.

Jade is good at Hunting and Farming and animal training

Jane is our Cook and Doctor, pretty much the house wife

Dirk is set to be our good at everything guy but slow to learn

Dave is bad at everything, but fast to learn

John is our miner and handyman, he build stuff and such

Roxy is moderate at everything and learn at a moderate pace

Jake is our main Hunter and fighter (gave him the masochist trait)

I also made them all related like they are in canon, Roxy and Rose are Mother and Daughter for example. Otherwise, everything is more or less normal, no other relationships were set

I chose a mountainous Redwood Biome and a brutal start tribal tech line and only basic supplies and a single gun. Rest were bows. Meaning that we had no technology of any kind and everything had to be researched at a slower pace.

I added a “Shelter wall and door” mod to grant myself a tiny bit of mercy.

We land and got a good position of geysers (useful for power later) and an an even better layout of the map, the entire southern mountain had an enclosure that created a perfect defensive location for a base.

Things are going well for the first couple of months, then Dirk starts getting depressed because of shit Jake said to him and he didn’t like John for some reason

He starts a fight with Jake, but is taken out. Jake is injured, crippled even, but alive. Dirk is dead because I gave Jake a knife due to him hunting animals for food and we could not save him from bleed out in time.

Dave goes berserk and tries to kill Jake

He succeeds, but at the cost of his own life.

In one day, Jake kills Dave and Dirk as they tried to kill him

Everyone else gets upset over this, but they get over it

By having an incestuous orgy

More or less, that is what happened No I did not try to make this happen, it occurred on its own

Rose and Roxy, out of the blue, a couple days after their boys died, they start banging and move in together, had to build a double bed or else they would get mad from their lack of Mother/Daughter special time.

Couple months after that, Jade gets the same idea to bang John

Which she does.

Then Jane joins in, because polyamory.

So John is banging both Jade and Jane, his Sister and Mother

While Rose and Roxy are banging each other.

This goes on for over a year in game

Then somebody new joins us, a 70+ year old man named Richard, which ironic and you’ll know why.

Apparently he doesn't mind the incest loving cave-dwellers, but he was kind of useless, and could only use him for dumb labor and cleaning.

Then we get news his daughter/best friend died, so he gets super depressed, to the point he has a mental break down and strips down naked to wander around in the snow until he collapses from hypothermia after a while.

This goes on for a while, cant do much for him unless I get him a ton of beer and stuff to keep him from breaking.

Got addicted to some drugs, and I have to use resources to cure him.

One day Richard has another break down, and wanders into Jades line of sight while hunting reindeer.

She accidentally shoots Richard

...

In the dick

Obviously, it was an accident, but that name is painful

Because Richard is often nicked-named to “Dick”

Anyways, we save Richard, but now he is perpetually depressed due to losing his daughter/best friend AND losing his dick, which was shot clean off.

So even with Catharsis (a buff after his mental break downs wore off) he was perpetually in the red.

Here is where things get weird.

You can perform surgery on your colonists, removing or adding bodyparts like that.

Including genitals, both male and female

I had Jane fashion Richard a wooden cock and implant it

It worked

At least, to the point of him not being upset over not having a dick anymore. Meaning he isn’t so depressed now.

Things are pretty quiet and we settle into a routine.

We grow crops, fend off raiders, trade with merchants, engage in diplomacy, I even learned how to Caravan, as in, send people out into the world to do stuff like trade and retieve items and complete jobs we were given (like as in quests)

John would mine and build things, have his incestuous threesomes with his Mother and Sister wives

Roxy and Rose broke up

Richard would still have his tantrums until we cured him of his depression (yes you can do that)

Then, one day, Randy Random (our storyteller) decides its time to end the story by causing a massive sapper raid attack (meaning they DIG through our defenses), land some evil robots inside our permeter, cause ANOTHER faction of raiders to lay siege to our base (deploying artillery and shelling us) AND THEN Bugs infest the place

Like giant bugs that attack everything

Needless to say, everyone died

Oh and he dropped us some wool and made a herd of guinea pigs join us after the fact before it game overed

GG

[tessatechaitea]

New Titans #0

At first I thought Beast Boy had a tiny erection.

Steel seems upset that Arsenal's new roster of Titans are just kids because he obviously hasn't been paying attention to the adjective before "Titans" during the last several decades. I can see why he'd be upset though. He wants the Titans to sign a contract to work with the government and teenagers probably can't sign the contract legally without parental consent. And how is he going to get that?! One of the other major features of the Titans over the last several decades is that their parents were all assholes and psychopaths. Looks like The New Titans can't work for the government! The government probably should have figured out all the details before paying off all of the Titans' debt and giving them a satellite.

I don't mean to sound ableist but Changeling is fucking disgusting.

Fine, I did mean to sound ableist. Changeling's new disability makes me sick. I didn't mind when he would turn into an elephant or a rhino or a gorilla because then he only had one giant swinging dick. Now he's 95% penises! Sorry, I don't mean to sound homophobic but did I also mention the penises are also green and that one of the newer commercials for a class action lawsuit against a diabetes drug asks if you suffered from genital gangrene? See, now you're sick too!

These two guys from New Jersey are trying to catch a few of Gar's penises in their mouths.

Crimelord (remember him from Deathstork the Hunted #0? I guess he's the new evil nemesis of the Titans universe. And maybe the entire DC Universe!) is causing chaos in America, almost blowing up the World Trade Center seven years before it's supposed to get blown up. But the new New Titans are out to stop his henchmen. Those Titans are Arsenal, Damage, Terra, Mirage, and Changeling. The henchmen are men in giant robot armor, some jerk named Slagg, and a misshapen woman named Coven.

I didn't think she was misshapen until this panel.

Although maybe it's not Coven's fault. I think maybe there's something wrong with my eyes.

Is there an optical condition that makes you see people as having giant thighs?!

If there were an optical condition like the one I described in the previous caption, it would probably be call Brettbootharacts. Is Mirage still pregnant with Deathwing's rape baby? What are the negative consequences of battling super villains while being pregnant? I bet it's worse than drinking too much alcohol while pregnant! Notice I said "too much alcohol"? You can drink while pregnant. Non-American adults do it all the time! I mean, not "all the time" because that's actually the problem. But in moderate quantities, your baby will be fine! Probably! And even if it isn't, it's just a stupid new baby! You just met it! How attached can you be?

I have to admit: I thought about all the people who would probably get choked up reading this line about the World Trade Center and said a little prayer for them. Poor bastards. They're the real victims, having to be sad for the rest of their lives.

There's this terrible conservative game show on Fox called Spin the Wheel. Here was my first reaction to it which I wrote on Twitter or somewhere else on the Internet: Spin the Wheel is right-wing fantasy of what they wish television was. The only people who get a chance to win lots of money are ones they think deserve the chance. When discussing the Las Vegas shooting, they just call it a "tragedy" and never mention what actually happened. It's called "Spin the Wheel" but it should be called "Touch the Wheel." Um, that's evidence that they ignore reality while still believing things are what they are because they say they are (and also the audience chants the "truth" the entire time). Although the best part is the rift they're causing in these "deserving" families because the idiot trusted family member keeps costing the family millions of dollars. Oh, sure, they act like they don't care on television. But that fucking wound is permanent! Ha ha! See, the rift is caused because the final four spins of the wheel work like Deal or No Deal. The show offers the person a deal to walk away. But the person doesn't get to pick. Instead, a loved one makes that decision. When the person spins the wheel (I mean touches the wheel), the ball inside the wheel can either land on some money or a Back to Zero wedge. If the ball lands on Back to Zero and the loved one didn't take a deal, they lose all of their money and go home humiliated. But if the loved ones takes the deal on the first or second or third spin, the person spinning can still win millions of dollars which are then lost because the loved one took an early deal. It's a fucking rigged set-up for the family and I'll tell you why. The only thing for the loved one to do is to never take the deal. You might go home with zero dollars but you avoid something even worse: rooting against your loved one. As soon as the person who can take the deal takes the deal, they have to hope that the person spinning loses everything. They have to. Otherwise, they made a poor choice and cost their loved one millions of dollars. And I can't help but think that anybody rooting for their loved one to crap out on the wheel is a fucking piece of shit. Now, you might be saying, "Hey, they took the deal as insurance! Even if their loved one wins millions, they couldn't have known. They did the smart thing!" But here's the thing about being a human: you know the loved one who took the deal wants proof that they made the correct choice. They don't want to be responsible for all the money lost if their loved one never hits a Back to Zero wedge. Therefore anybody who takes the deal is a fucking traitorous rat and I, for one, would never fucking forgive them. "You took the second deal?! That means you wanted me to fail every spin after that, you fucking asshole! Get out of my life!" is totally how I'd react on national television. Not that Fox would ever think I was deserving of touching the wheel! That was a digression because the rest of the comic book was just idiotic Teen Titan banter. You know the kind! "I want to fuck you so bad, you ugly shitstain!" "Ew, you make me so mad that I want to stick my tongue in your butt!" "Will you two knock it off already because Changeling is masturbating again!" "Gross! All of his dicks at once?! Gag me with a spoon!" Oh wait. This comic was from 1994 and not 1984. Although didn't Wayne and Gar bring back gag me with a spoon?! Probably! Not! Ha ha! New Titans #0 Rating: C-. Boy howdy was this an average comic book! The best part about owning this series is that I have conclusive proof of when I became a man! Between New Titans #114 and New Titans #115 when I finally grew up and realized this comic book was terrible and I should stop reading it. But I didn't stop reading all terrible comic books so maybe I became a man later. Or, more apt, will become a man later! Hopefully soon because I can't wait to see what a woman's ding dong looks like!

[sofreakinmanyfandoms]

November 10 - I Wish...

And today we have a two-fer! Besides being part of my NaNo project, it’s also for the wonderful @buckysforeverprincess‘s Into the Nightmare 2k Challenge! Congrats lovely, and I hope you like it! It’s my first Loki fic, so feedback would be wonderful.

Word count: 1713

Warnings: Mentions of death at the beginning. Cheesy pun that references sex at the end. (NO SMUT)

Pairing: Jinn!Loki X Reader

Prompt: “I promise, I’ll make all your wishes come true.”

Beware! A jinn can make you wish your heart out; be careful what you say unconditionally.

You stared at nothing as the men lowered the coffin into the ground. Your brother, the last family you’d had in the world, was gone.

To put it mildly, the last few years were… rough. Five years ago, your dad had been killed in a car accident. Two years ago your mom had lost her almost decade-long fight with cancer. Now, two weeks before your birthday, you were laying to rest your brother, dead from a drug overdose at far too young an age.

Feeling anything other than numb seemed impossible, so when the service was over you set off on foot towards your apartment in the hope that you’d at least be able to feel exhausted when you made it back. The city felt wrong, off-balance; people were going on with their lives while yours had fallen down around you. There was no way the two weeks of bereavement leave your job allowed would be enough time to recover. Even combining it with your personal leave, you would have barely over a month before people would be expecting things from you, things you weren’t sure you would ever be able to do again. Things like function like a human.

The first snow of the year started to fall as you reached the park. All around there were people laughing, children looking up in wonder and catching snowflakes on their tongues, but all you felt was… cold. You felt cold, and numb, and ready for everything to be over.

It was suddenly all too much, and you stumbled over to the nearest bench and collapsed, pulling your jacket tighter around your shoulders and letting the shivering take over your body. There was no reason to pretend to be strong anymore. Everyone you loved was gone. You let your head fall back, mind racing yet finding nothing you could focus on; you didn’t even realize you where whispering until it slipped out.

“I wish…”

“I’d be careful how I finished that sentence if I were you.”

The man suddenly appeared by your side, startling you enough that you almost fell off the bench. As it was, you ended up sitting sideways, arms splayed out and gripping the back and seat on either side of you. You took in his appearance: tall and thin with long, dark hair, wearing a black overcoat and a green scarf. His eyes were dark and locked on you, sending a chill down your spine that had nothing to do with the weather.

“Who are you?”

His lips curled into a cold smile that made you want to run, yet you couldn’t seem to move.

“Now isn’t that such a human question to ask. Always ‘Who are you?’ and never ‘What are you?’, which is honestly the more interesting question.” He leaned back against the bench, moving his arm to rest along the back so his hand almost brushed your white knuckles. “Fortunately for you, I’ve been around long enough to not care about making you work for the answers to both and am graciously willing to just provide them. My name is Loki, and I am a jinn.”

Your mind scrambled at the familiar word, your mouth engaging to help it process the strange information.

“A jinn… so, you’re saying that you’re a supernatural creature? One that can take human or animal form?”

“Well recalled,��� Loki said, looking pleased at your knowledge. “I am indeed a spirit, and I can take whatever human or animal form I desire.” He ran a hand down the front of his coat, smoothing the lapel. “This form pleases me more than most, so it is the one I usually take, although I’ve been known to take others when it is to my advantage. It’s easier to get what I want from men if I appear as a woman. You, however,” dark eyes swept up and down your body, “seemed as though you would find this one acceptable.”

Acceptable, he says. Loki sits there with the name of a god and the body to match and tells you he thought you’d find his form acceptable. You couldn’t catch the snort of laughter before it escaped, and something behind his eyes lit up when he heard it.

“I see you find my race amusing,” he said, tipping his head and quirking up one side of his mouth. “I’ve had worse reactions, but I’ve also had better. More receptive, that is.”

“I’m sorry,” you shook your head, still trying to hold back giggles, “but you’re expecting me to believe that I’m sitting on a bench next to some mystical spirit from folklore and having a conversation with him. There’s really only so much my mind can handle, and I reached my limit some time ago.”

Loki didn’t seem affronted by your accusation; although you supposed if he started conversations this way very often he’s probably heard worse.

“Don’t blame me for this conversation,” he said, his tone slightly condescending. “You’re the one who stepped into the middle of a jinn’s home,” he swept his hand out to indicate the park, “and started making a wish. Not all jinn grant wishes, but I happen to find you human’s petty wants amusing, so here we are.”

“Look, you seem like a nice guy,” you lied as you stood, just ready to get the conversation over with and get back to your apartment so you could wallow in your grief in peace. “I’m just really not in the mood for conversation in general right now and this one’s a bit heavier than the average small talk that strangers have with one another in the park while it’s snowing, so I’m going to be on my way now. Goodbye.”

“Not so fast.” Loki grabbed your arm before you even realized he’d stood. “Let’s go somewhere more private, shall we?”

The world around you appeared to dissolve and you found yourself standing in the middle of your living room, Loki still holding on to your arm. You jerked away from him, eyes wide and heartbeat erratic.

“What the hell? What just happened? What did you do?”

“I took us somewhere more private,” the man – jinn – purred. “This is your apartment, is it not?”

Your voice dropped from its rather shrill scream to a harsh whisper. “Have you been stalking me?”

“Darling,” he rolled his eyes, “I don’t have to stalk you. I’m a jinn.” He spread his arms wide and smirked. “I just know things.”

You wanted to slap him, so you did.

“Ow.” He turned to study his jaw in the mirror you had over your mantle, running his fingers tenderly over the red hand-shaped welt that was already forming. “You have a surprising amount of strength for a human of your size. I’m almost impressed.”

“Get out of my house.” Your voice had gone flat and emotionless. This was definitely the worst and strangest day of your life, and you just wanted to curl up on your couch and watch old cartoons while eating the pint of ice cream that was currently in your freezer. The only thing keeping you from that was this, this jinn who had decided it was okay to interrupt your life and enter your apartment without permission. Wasn’t there a rule against this sort of thing?

“You’re thinking of vampires.”

“Stop reading my mind!” you shrieked, picking a pillow off your couch and throwing it at him. He caught it right before it could hit his face.

“All right, all right,” Loki said, dropping the pillow and putting his hands up in surrender. “No more reading of minds. But you’re obviously upset,” he held up a finger before you could cut in, “and you were even before I found you, so don’t pretend all your frustration is directed at me. Now, I’m offering you the standard pop-culture-approved three-wish pack. You get three wishes, fulfilled by yours truly, and I get a little bit of entertainment while helping out a poor soul in need. I promise, I’ll make all your wishes come true.”

“I don’t need your wishes. You’d twist my words anyway. Everyone knows that a wish fulfilled by a jinn comes with a price tag.”

Loki rolled his eyes at you. “Of course it does, darling. But could it really be worse than whatever you’re going through already?”

You took a moment to think about it. You had no family, almost no friends (coworkers don’t count), and before you reached the park were ready to just give up on life and sleep the rest of it away in your warm and moderately comfortable bed. Sure, there were plenty of things you wanted, but you also knew a bit about jinn, and you weren’t about to trust one.

“I’m good, thanks. You can go now. I don’t need help from an evil spirit.”

Loki approached you slowly, his eyes locked on yours.

“I prefer to think of myself as mischievous. And you see, darling, your lips are saying no,” he backed you against the wall and trapped you between his arms, “but your mind is screaming want. I don’t have to try to read it to feel the desire coming from you in waves.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you pick a form that’s practically sex on legs.”

Crap. You just said that out loud, didn’t you?

Loki’s pupils had blown wide, and he took a moment to run his eyes up and down your figure, reaching a hand out to slip your coat off your shoulders.

“New offer,” he leaned in and whispered in your ear, sending a shiver of something you didn’t care to identify down your spine. “You tell me what you want, anything, and I’ll see what I can do. As long as you don’t wish it, just tell me, it’s not a binding contract and you can back out if you don’t like what happens.”

Before you could even thing about it, you replied, “I don’t want to be alone.”

“Then you won’t be,” Loki told you, pulling you close. “You won’t be ever again.”

He did ended up screwing you – as part of the deal. You didn’t mind at all.

[sherristockman]

Big Sugar and Coke Conspiracy Dr. Mercola By Dr. Mercola The rise of chronic metabolic disease in the U.S. follows the growth of the U.S. sugar industry and increases in per capita sugar consumption. Today, we consume about 20 times more sugar than our ancestors did, and we have very little control over the amount since what was once a condiment has now become a dietary staple added to countless processed and fast foods.1 Yet, if you were to visit with a conventional nutritionist, you'd likely still hear rhetoric that's been parroted since the 1950s — incorrect and misleading rhetoric at that — that "a calorie is a calorie" and obesity is the result of consuming more calories than you expend. Gary Taubes, co-founder of the Nutrition Science Initiative and the author of "The Case Against Sugar," wrote in The New York Times:2 "When it comes to weight gain, the sugar industry and purveyors of sugary beverages still insist, a calorie is a calorie, regardless of its source, so guidelines that single out sugar as a dietary evil are not evidence-based. Surprisingly, the scientific consensus is technically in agreement. It holds that obesity is caused 'by a lack of energy balance … '" Yet, as Taubes pointed out, researchers have known since the 1960s that your body metabolizes different types of carbohydrates, like glucose and fructose, in different ways, causing very different hormonal and physiological responses that absolutely may influence fat accumulation and metabolism.3 "In light of this research, arguing today that your body fat responds to everything you eat the exact same way is almost inconceivably naïve," Taubes said, "But don't blame the sugar industry for perpetuating this view. Blame the researchers and the nutrition authorities."4 'Energy Balance' Theory Perpetuated by Nutritionists, Soda Industry Many conventional nutritionists are among the top supporters of the energy balance theory, which still suggests that weight gain is simply a matter of consuming more calories than you burn off. The National Institutes of Health (NIH) National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute is among those prominent government organizations still perpetuating this myth5 — alongside soda giants who obviously have a vested interest in keeping sugar's "OK-in-moderation" reputation. In 2015, for instance, Coca-Cola Co. was outed for secretly funding and supporting the Global Energy Balance Network, a nonprofit front group that promoted exercise as the solution to obesity while significantly downplaying the role of diet and sugary beverages in the weight loss equation.6 Public health authorities accused the group of using tobacco-industry tactics to raise doubts about the health hazards of soda, and a letter signed by more than three dozen scientists said the group was spreading "scientific nonsense."7 By December 2015, the Global Energy Balance Network announced it would be shutting down, with Coca-Cola claiming it was working on increased transparency. However, as reported by CrossFit bloggers Russell Berger and Russ Greene, the soda industry maintains many close ties with organizations that continue to promote the energy balance myth (and directly funds such organizations).8 Among them: The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics (AND), which was funded by Coca-Cola until 2015. They also founded a program called "Energy Balance 4 Kids With Play" in partnership with the Healthy Weight Commitment Foundation (HWCF), "an industry organization representing Coca-Cola, PepsiCo, Nestle, General Mills and other distributers of sugar-sweetened products."9 "The program promotes the concept of energy balance among children and parents through registered dietitians," Berger noted.10 The International Food Information Council Foundation, which is funded by Coca-Cola and PepsiCo, promotes the idea that "when it comes to weight management or weight loss, it's the total calories that matters most." The National Institutes of Health "We Can!" Campaign. Coca-Cola has channeled millions of dollars to the NIH Foundation. The campaign advises drinking soda only "once in a while" and suggests balancing out days when kids eat lots of high-sugar foods/drinks with more physical activity. The American College of Sports Medicine, which is also funded by Coca-Cola, suggests that while water should be your first choice of beverage, "there is no harm in drinking juice or even soda in moderation." The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), which also receives funding from Coca-Cola via the CDC Foundation, also promotes "energy balance," assuring that: "Healthy eating is all about balance. You can enjoy your favorite foods even if they are high in calories, fat or added sugars. The key is eating them only once in a while … " How the Soda Industry Downplays the Health Risks of Excess Sugar While leveraging the energy balance theory via public health organizations, the soda industry also uses a variety of other smoke-and-mirrors tactics to distract the public from the true health risks of consuming sugary beverages. One of their favorites is blaming obesity on lack of exercise and suggesting that you can somehow out-exercise the effects of a poor diet, which you cannot. Berger noted:11 "Perhaps the biggest trick of Big Soda nutrition science is to promote physical activity instead of fitness and weight loss. Weight loss and fitness require limiting the intake of sugar-sweetened beverages. Generic references to physical activity, however, may actually encourage the consumption of sugar-sweetened beverages, especially when the same organizations promote the idea of "earning" sugar by burning off additional calories through daily activity." There are other stealthy tricks too, like industry-funded health organizations suggesting metabolic syndrome is the result of obesity and can be remedied with physical activity. But independent studies have suggested insulin resistance, caused by overconsumption of sugars, especially fructose, may, in fact, be a primary cause behind metabolic syndrome. For instance, a meta-review published in Mayo Clinic Proceedings found that once you reach 18 percent of your daily calories from added sugar, there's a two-fold increase in metabolic harm that promotes pre-diabetes and diabetes.12 Moreover, research suggests sugary beverages are to blame for about 183,000 deaths worldwide each year, including 133,000 diabetes deaths, 44,000 heart disease deaths, and 6,000 cancer deaths. By focusing on obesity and physical activity, the soda industry very carefully avoids bringing attention to the role sugar and insulin resistance play in this increasingly common chronic condition. Another common tactic, as Berger pointed out, is describing chronic disease and obesity as "complex" issues. While it's true that disease can be complex, the soda industry uses this term as a form of false nutritional propaganda. Berger wrote:13 "Big Soda speaks of the complexity of addressing and identifying the causes of chronic disease. The label of complexity rules out simple treatments like 'stop drinking sugar' and makes models of chronic disease based on overconsumption of sugar seem oversimplified and rash." Food Industry Attacks Respected Exercise Scientist for Dissing Sugar Dr. Timothy Noakes, is a professor of exercise science and sports medicine at the University of Cape Town, South Africa, and a long-time low-carb advocate. He is perhaps best known for the book, "Waterlogged: The Serious Problem of Overhydration in Endurance Sports," which suggests that overhydrating will actually worsen athletic performance, not improve it. He also widely promotes a low-carb, high-fat diet, including for children. In 2014, he tweeted the recommendation that babies should be weaned onto low-carbohydrate diets — a far cry from the processed cereals most dieticians and pediatricians recommend. The advice resulted in backlash from Claire Julsing Strydom, the president of South Africa's dietetics association, ADSA, (and also a consultant for Kellogg's) and others who reported him for "unprofessional conduct." ADSA itself also has additional ties to cereal giant Kellogg's and reportedly gets more than one-third of its revenue from corporate sponsors such as Nestle, Unilver and Huletts Sugar. South Africa's Health Professions Council (HPCSA) is reviewing whether to strip Noakes of his medical license, but there's much more to this story than meets the eye. Greene uncovered an elaborate backstory that reveals the case against Noakes to be nothing more than a witch hunt aimed at protecting the interests of the junk food industry, which exerts major influence over South Africa's dietary guidelines. I will also be interviewing Noakes in April, so watch for what I'm sure will be a revealing interview in the months to come. In short, Greene reported:14 "To summarize: [A] former ILSI [International Life Sciences Institute, a Coca-Cola proxy organization] South Africa president convinced the HPCSA to charge Noakes, another former ILSI South Africa president testified as an expert witness against him, and an ILSI-funded researcher consulted for the legal team prosecuting him. And yet, not a single news story has connected ILSI to the Noakes trial. … The HPCSA will release its final decision on Noakes on April 21, 2017. Noakes is cautiously optimistic. It seems unlikely that HPCSA will rule that his 2014 tweet constituted a doctor-patient relationship. Strydom herself has admitted that Noakes' tweet did not qualify as such a relationship. The case against Noakes falls apart without that crucial element. Noakes even thinks it's possible that his 900 slides and 30-[plus] hours of testimony will convince South Africa to discard its industry-corrupted dietary guidelines. Perhaps." 'The Case Against Sugar' — Is Sugar Actually a Drug? Taubes' excellent book, "The Case Against Sugar," expertly documents sugar's link to chronic disease and much more, including whether sugar should more aptly be described as a drug instead of a food. It doesn't cause the immediate symptoms of intoxication, like dizziness, staggering, slurring of speech or euphoria, associated with other "drugs," yet perhaps this only allowed its long-term medical consequences to go "unasked and unanswered." "Most of us today will never know if we suffer even subtle withdrawal symptoms from sugar, because we'll never go long enough without it to find out," Taubes wrote, continuing:15 "Sugar historians consider the drug comparison to be fitting in part because sugar is one of a handful of 'drug foods' … that came out of the tropics, and on which European empires were built from the 16th century onward — the others being tea, coffee, chocolate, rum and tobacco." Interestingly, Taubes claims that sugar has likely killed more people than tobacco, and that tobacco wouldn't have killed as many people as it did without sugar. This is a fascinating story in and of itself, which Taubes details in greater depth in his book. " … [S]ugar was, and still is, a critical ingredient in the American blended-tobacco cigarette, the first of which was Camel. It's this 'marriage of tobacco and sugar,' as a sugar-industry report described it in 1950, that makes for the 'mild' experience of smoking cigarettes as compared with cigars and, perhaps more important, makes it possible for most of us to inhale cigarette smoke and draw it deep into our lungs."16 It's also known that sugar induces similar responses in the "reward centers" of the human brain as other additive substances, like nicotine, cocaine, heroin and alcohol. The 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous program even recommends consuming sweets in lieu of alcohol to ward off a craving for a drink. Today, "Sugar has become an ingredient in prepared and packaged foods so ubiquitous it can only be avoided by concerted and determined effort," Taubes wrote, which is, of course, precisely the problem, especially as realization grows that simply "moderating" sugar may not be enough. Taubes continued:17 "The traditional response to the how-little-is-too-much question is that we should eat sugar in moderation — not eat too much of it. But we only know we're consuming too much when we're getting fatter or manifesting other symptoms of insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome … Any discussion of how little sugar is too much also has to account for the possibility that sugar is a drug and perhaps addictive. Trying to consume sugar in moderation, however it's defined, in a world in which substantial sugar consumption is the norm and virtually unavoidable, is likely to be no more successful for some of us than trying to smoke cigarettes in moderation — just a few a day, rather than a whole pack … If sugar consumption is a slippery slope, then advocating moderation is not a meaningful concept." Breaking Free From Sugar's Hold Once you understand the close ties between the soda and junk-food industries and public health organizations' dietary recommendations, it becomes clear that relying solely on them for nutritional advice puts your health at risk. And once you understand the health risks of sugar, including the fact that it's not an issue of extra calories but the kind of calories, it may motivate you to want to cut back, or eliminate, this substance from your diet and that of your children. The bright side is that once you cut down on added sugars and other net carbs (total carbs minus fiber), which will allow your body to start burning fat as its primary fuel again, the sugar cravings will disappear and avoiding it won't feel like such a struggle. In the meantime, if a sugar craving strikes, fit in a quick workout, drink a cup of organic black coffee, or eat something sour (like fermented vegetables or lemon water). All can help you kick your sugar cravings to the curb. "To the sugar industry, the nutritionists' dogmatic belief that obesity is a calorie overconsumption problem and a calorie is a calorie has been the gift that keeps on giving. So long as nutrition and obesity authorities insist that this is true, then the sugar industry can rightfully defend its product on the basis that the calories from sugar are no better nor worse than those from steak or grapefruit or ice cream — perhaps even kale or quinoa. We can't have it both ways," Taubes concluded.18