#everything he's been doing these last few episodes has been a reflection of what he's heard form the people around him?

[sleepyhoon]

THREE WEEKS & THREE DAYS - P.SH

pairing. best friend's ex!sunghoon x reader

genre. best friend's ex au, halloween au, smut, angst (if you squint).

word count. 12.2k+

warnings. alcohol consumption, drug usage, partying, driving under the influence, toxic relationships, themes of divorce, brief mention of physical abuse, smut [car sex, use of handcuffs, oral, praise kink/dirty talk, creampie]

summary. a stressful night at a Halloween party has you seeking comfort from the last person you should be involved with — your best friend's ex.

a/n. HIGHLY HIGHLY inspired by season 2 episode 1 of euphoria! this is a work of pure fiction and is NOT a reflection of how i view the members. despite writing this story, i DO NOT condone the dangerous choices the characters in this fic make and DO NOT encourage others to do so! read at your own discretion.  also, very special thanks to @zreamy for beta-reading this for me!!

When you were six, you spent Halloween night lying on a hospital bed dressed as Hannah Montana.

Everything happened so fast; one moment, you were trick-or-treating with your father and younger sister while scarfing down a Snickers bar for the first time (a king-sized one at that), and the next, your dad was rushing you to the hospital in a panic, tears in his eyes as he encouraged you to stay awake in the backseat.

By the time you’d arrived at the hospital, your body had gone completely limp, and your father struggled to carry both you and your younger sister into the hospital lobby. From what you can remember, it was like a scene from a movie: seeing your dad cry for the first time, being wheeled into an unfamiliar bright room on a mobile bed, all while dressed as your favorite popstar.

The scariest part of the night was shortly after arriving at the hospital and catching a glimpse of your reflection, not recognizing the person staring back at you. The blonde wig and blue eye contacts were to be expected, but the swollen face and half-lidded eyes were another. Had you been able to breathe (let alone talk), you likely would’ve given your sister a classic Halloween jumpscare.

Your mother had arrived only a few minutes after you did, yelling at your father loud enough to have the hospital staff threaten to kick her out. “You forgot she was allergic to peanuts?! Where was her fucking EpiPen?!”

Your dad sighed, running a hand across his face, “I forgot to pick it up. I’ve been busy with…you know.”

She scoffs, “You don’t think I’ve been busy too?! Especially now that we have to meet with the divorce lawyer once a week?!”

Your ears perk up at that, “Divorce?”

You hadn’t known much about the true meaning of divorce, except that it’s something your friend’s parents had gone through, and now he gets two of everything. Two birthdays, two Christmases, two lives. So simple yet so perfect, what child wouldn’t dream of that?

Your parents, who hadn’t even known you were awake, silence themselves immediately. Tears quickly form in your mother’s eyes as she realizes they’d been caught, trying their best to keep the news of their divorce as quiet as possible, waiting for the right moment to explain to you and your sister, Yuna, the real meaning of it, and how different your lives would be.

It dawns on them that there’s no point trying to keep this secret any longer. You were a smart kid, it was probably only a matter of time before you found out on your own, anyway. 

All in one night, you managed to survive a near-death experience, only to be followed by the news of your parents’ divorce. And somehow, at twenty-three years old, watching Lee Heeseung flirt with random girls at a Halloween party is much worse than everything you experienced that cursed night in 2007.

“Can you at least pretend that you’re having a good time?!” You can barely hear Minjeong over how loud the music is, her words fading in and out as you take a sip from your cup.

“I am having a good time, isn’t it obvious?” you reply, showing Minjeong your best fake smile.

Grinning, Minjeong shakes her head at you. “Not at all. Here, need a refill?”

Without waiting for your response, Minjeong hops off the kitchen counter and snatches the red solo cup in your hand. You don’t bother protesting, sighing as you rest your weight against the marble countertop, while she adds a mix of different ingredients to your cup.

When she’s not looking, you tilt your head in the direction of the living room, hoping to get a glance at Heeseung through the sea of drunken college students.

The only word that can be used to describe your relationship with Heeseung is ‘unfortunate’. You were together for six months, and spent most of the time fighting, making up, and having sex. It was a relentless, tiresome cycle you allowed yourself to succumb to just for the sake of not having to be alone.

Most of the arguments would start with you questioning Heeseung’s loyalty, growing suspicious upon seeing his username pop up in the likes section of random girls on social media. In hindsight, it seems like a silly thing to get upset over. The entire purpose of social media was to connect and interact with others anyway, but, why was it always girls? And why would these girls suddenly start watching your stories?

Breaking up with him was harder than you could’ve imagined, and you’re sure you wouldn’t have been able to do it without Minjeong by your side, encouraging you through the entire process. 

The aftermath was embarrassingly excruciating. For two weeks, you locked yourself in your bedroom and fell into a cycle of sleeping and crying, occasionally taking breaks to eat or use the restroom. At one point, your phone spent a full forty-eight hours without being turned on at all, causing your loved ones to panic upon not being able to get ahold of you.

Slowly but surely you managed to build yourself back up, finally starting to feel like your old self when Heeseung suggested the two of you get back together.

You were hesitant, of course, telling Heeseung you were willing to work things out if he can prove to you he’s changed and ready to be the loyal, doting boyfriend he should’ve been from the start.

So no, you’re not together. But you’re also not not together. It’s confusing.

A football player is blocking your view of Heeseung (dressed as a cowboy), you have to stand on your tip-toes to catch a glimpse of him talking to — wait, who is that?

“Patrick would not stand for this.” Minjeong interrupts your thoughts, poking fun at your costume choice of a female Patrick Bateman.

You shrug, pretending to act clueless. “I wasn’t doing anything.”

Minjeong rolls her eyes, shoving your cup back into your hand “Sure, you weren’t. Come on, cheers with me.”

“To what?” you ask, suspiciously eyeing the drink she’s just handed you. Minjeong isn’t that great of a cook, so you can imagine she’s not the best bartender either. In fact, it’d be best if she stayed far away from any sort of kitchen appliance.

She thinks for a moment then excitedly extends her cup out to you. “To getting over our shitty ex-boyfriends!”

Minjeong’s ex was Park Sunghoon, they dated on and off for a year and a half before calling it quits over the summer. You don’t remember the exact reason why they broke up, there were many different factors. It didn’t matter, they were bad for each other anyway and the relationship was entirely too toxic for either of their wellbeing. 

You don’t know much about Sunghoon aside from the things Minjeong felt comfortable enough to share with you and the fact that he is on the university’s hockey team with Heeseung. You’ve probably had a handful of conversations and interactions with Sunghoon in the entire time of knowing him, and are more than happy with things staying that way.

Holding your cup up high, you match Minjeong’s smile and tap your cup against hers. “To getting over our ex-boyfriends!”

The drink is disgusting. You quickly turn away so you don’t hurt your best friend’s feelings by gagging at the taste. She manages to down her entire cup while you make quick work of pouring a majority of yours down the sink behind you.

Minjeong stares down at her empty cup with wide eyes, licking the remains off her plump lips. “Holy shit, that was so good. Do you want more? I’m gonna make myself another cup.”

“I’m good for now, thanks,” you say, snatching your cup away when she reaches for it. Minjeong raises a brow at you, and you follow up with, “I should wait before having another drink.”

She nods understandingly, and you give yourself a mental pat on the back for coming up with that so quickly.

While she’s occupied with making another drink, your eyes trail back over towards Heeseung. The football player from earlier is gone, and now that your view is no longer obstructed, you watch in confusion as Heeseung now has this mystery girl by the waist, leaning his head down close to her lips as she whispers something in his ear.

This really is worse than Halloween 2007.

“Hey.” You tap Minjeong’s shoulder. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

She follows your line of sight, scowling when it lands on Heeseung. “YN, don’t make a big deal out of this. You guys technically aren’t even together.”

“Relax, I’m just going to say hi.” You assure her, moving to head towards Heeseung when Minjeong stops you with a hand on your chest. “Think about this, please.”

You sigh, using your free hand to clutch hers and slowly bring it down from your chest. “I’ll be fine. Be back soon so we can dance, okay?”

Minjeong knows she won’t be able to stop you once your mind is made up, all she can do is sigh and wish you the best as you make a beeline for your ex. Maybe not the greatest idea on your part, but you’re too tipsy to think rationally.

Heeseung doesn’t notice you when you first approach, it takes the mystery girl awkwardly gesturing in your direction for him to finally look over at you, immediately dropping his hand from the girl’s waist. “YN!” He shouts, a little too excitedly, nervously scratching the back of his neck.

A few minutes later, you find yourself in an unfamiliar bedroom with Heeseung on step one of your toxic cycle — arguing.

“You’re overreacting,” Heeseung claims. “We were just talking.”

“About what, Heeseung? Why did you have to hold her by the fucking waist to talk to her?”

“Because! She was drunk! I was holding her up so she wouldn’t fall and hurt herself!”

“Who gives a shit if she falls? She’s not your fucking girlfriend.”

“Yeah, well, neither are you.” 

His words shouldn’t hurt as much as they do because he’s right; despite trying to work on things, you aren’t his girlfriend. You were the one who said you weren’t ready to get back together, not him. You shouldn’t be upset with him for talking to other girls.

And yet, here you are with tears in your eyes. 

You nod silently, avoiding his gaze as a lump forms in your throat. 

Heeseung must realize how much his words have affected you if the way he curses at himself, and shamefully runs a hand across his face is anything to go by. “Listen, I’m sor-”

“Don’t bother.” You stand from the bed, holding back a sob.“Everything about this was a mistake. You’ll never change.”

Heeseung reaches a hand out to grab your arm as you push past him. “YN, I didn’t mean it.”

“Yeah, Heeseung, you did mean it,” you say, pulling the bedroom door open.

There is no point in trying to reason with Heeseung. You know in a matter of time he’ll apologize, you’ll accept it like you always do, have make-up sex, then lecture him about how important it is that he changes before you can consider getting back together. Another endless cycle you’ve fallen into.

Stepping back into the party, you head in the opposite direction of where Minjeong would be, not wanting to run into her in your current state and bump right into someone dressed as Spiderman, causing the little remains of your drink to spill over and knock to the ground. You’re grateful that a crucial part of Patrick Bateman’s costume involved a plastic raincoat, or else your outfit would have suffered a dark blue stain.

“Oh my God, YN! I’m so sorry!” Spider-Man apologizes with a thick Australian accent.

“Jake?” You question, gesturing for him to take the mask off.

He follows your command, face bright red from embarrassment or alcohol. Probably both.

“Yeah, haha, hey. Really sorry about that, I can get you a new drink.” Jake turns in the direction of the kitchen before you stop him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s fine, Jake. Do you know where the bathroom is?”

Jake thinks for a moment, scratching at the small amount of stubble that’s graced his chin. He really does make a perfect Spider-Man, and if you weren’t so upset, you probably would’ve stayed and told him that.

“Upstairs, all the way down the hall. Wait! It’s occupied, people are doing coke in there, I think.”

Great.

You sigh. “Do you know if there’s another one I can use?”

“I’m pretty sure there’s one.” Jake turns, pointing to a door at the end of the hallway. “Right there. I saw a few people come in and out.”

Thanking Jake, you follow his direction and head to the door at the end of the hallway.

It’s a garage, not a bathroom. But, as long as you get a moment alone, you don’t really care where you are.

After shutting the door behind you, you sit on top of a washing machine and flinch at the cold metal sending chills down your thighs.

You shouldn’t have come out tonight, you don’t even care about Halloween to begin with. It’s an overrated holiday, you wish you would’ve convinced Minjeong to stay in with you and have a classic horror movie marathon while eating takeout and pausing to hand out (peanut-free) candy to trick-or-treaters.

Though, you’re sure you still would’ve spent the better half of the night obsessively tapping through Heeseung’s Instagram stories or trying to spot him in the background of someone else’s. It was a lose-lose situation no matter what, and you find yourself wondering if there’s an end to this unhealthy cycle.

Despite being so young when it happened, you’re sure your parents’ divorce obstructed your view of love and how a healthy adult relationship should work. Your father went on to have short-lived relationships with younger women who were using him for his money, while your mother remained single and chose to criticize her ex-husband’s current lifestyle choices. They couldn’t even co-parent in peace, always making petty comments to the other during drop-offs and pick-ups, finding any and every little thing to start arguing about.

One time in particular, after spending the weekend at your father’s house, your mother slapped him in a Dairy Queen parking lot upon realizing his new girlfriend had taken you and your sister to get your ears pierced. You didn’t actually see the slap happen, but it was loud enough to echo through the empty parking lot and hard enough to leave a red mark on his face.

The memory has tears forming in your eyes for the umpteenth time tonight, but before any of them have the chance to trickle down, the garage door swings open.

You turn, and Park Sunghoon (dressed as a police officer) is staring back at you with a confused look on his face. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before pointing in the direction of the party. “Uh, Jake said this was the bathroom.”

Shaking your head, you offer him a small smile. “No, the bathroom’s upstairs but it’s being used. If you really have to go, I’m pretty sure that door leads to the backyard.” You nod your head in the direction of the other door, and Sunghoon picks up on what you’re implying.

He thanks you before jogging over to the exit, setting his cup down on a metal dog crate before turning the knob and pushing open the door.

Sunghoon stands far enough out of frame that you only see a portion of his backside, and once the sound of him pissing on the grass hits your ears, you wonder why he didn’t bother to close the door in the first place.

Men.

He clears his throat awkwardly, “So, you s–”

You cut him off. “Let’s just wait until you’re done, please.”

Sunghoon nods, mumbling, “Right, right.”

He finishes up a few seconds later, zipping his pants back up and properly adjusting himself before returning to the garage, closing the door behind him and picking his drink back up in the process. “So, I’m guessing you’re…upset because of Heeseung?”

You let out a sad chuckle that sounds more like a sob. “Lucky guess. He’s just so fucking confusing, I can’t take it.”

“You’ll be alright,” Sunghoon responds, slipping his phone from his pants pocket and unlocking it. “Heeseung’s a douchebag.”

This catches you off guard, and you’re laughing before you even realize it. “Isn’t he your friend?”

Sunghoon shakes his head, narrowing his eyes at his phone as he scrolls. “Not really. We don’t talk much if it isn’t related to hockey or school.”

A beat of silence passes, then you ask, “When Heeseung and I were together, did he mention anything about cheating on me? Or talking to other girls?”

Sunghoon glances up at you for a split second, taking in how sad and hopeful you look before returning his gaze to the weather app he’d been using to distract himself.

He wasn’t sure if Heeseung went as far as physically cheating on you, but he was definitely talking to other girls behind your back; proudly showing the hockey team countless nudes and vulgar photos they would send him, some of them coming from your own friends. 

Sunghoon can’t tell you this, you’re upset enough as it is.

“I wouldn’t know, I always tuned him out whenever he talked.”

Though he’s not sure what answer you were hoping for, Sunghoon can tell you’re a little disappointed by his response. Truthfully, he didn’t feel like getting involved in anyone else’s drama. If you wanted clarity from Heeseung, you should’ve gone straight to the source.

“Sorry,” you apologize, feeling slightly embarrassed that you probably made things awkward, “have you seen Minjeong?”

Your attempt to change the subject seems to work, because Sunghoon scoffs loudly at your question and shoves his phone back in his pocket. “Have I seen the girl that just spent ten minutes yelling at me? Yeah, we may have crossed paths.” He says sarcastically, shaking his head before taking a sip of his drink.

“Yell at you? For what?”

“She fuckin’…I guess before we broke up she said I should dress up as a cop for Halloween and I must’ve said no, and now she’s saying I only dressed up like this,” he gestures towards himself, “to spite her. Fuckin’ insanity.”

“Well, did you?” You can’t help but ask, Minjeong would always go on for hours about how spiteful of a person Sunghoon was.

He shrugs, mindlessly tracing the rim of the red solo cup with his pointer finger, “Maybe, but this is all that was left in my size at the party store.”

You’re surprised Sunghoon makes you laugh as much as he does, and maybe that’s a bad thing since it’s making you enjoy talking to him. Though he technically isn’t your enemy, he’s definitely not a person you should enjoy having a conversation with. It’s not appropriate, he’s the ex boyfriend of your best friend; all your ties to him were cut the moment Minjeong broke up with him.

You should tell him to leave, that you’re really upset over Heeseung and prefer to be alone, but you don’t. Instead, you keep the conversation going, laughing every joke he makes and completely forgetting why you were upset to begin with.

Halfway through telling Sunghoon about the horrid drink Minjeong had prepared for you, your legs grow numb from having been sat on for so long. You untuck them from underneath your body, not thinking much of it as you continue on with the story, legs dangling against the cold washing machine.

Sunghoon takes notice, though, his eyes quickly darting down to the space between your legs and the white fabric that’s suddenly visible to him due to the short length of your skirt. You miss it the first time he does it, but the second and third time are hard to ignore, especially now that he doesn’t seem to mind being caught.

You really should cross your legs or call him out on his staring. Or maybe even get up and leave entirely.

To no one’s surprise you don’t do either of those things and opt to keep your panties visible enough for Sunghoon to see while you continue to talk his ear off about his ex-girlfriend. There’s something unspoken happening between the two of you, and it’s exciting yet confusing since this is the longest conversation you’ve had with him in the two years you’ve known each other. 

The strangest part of it all is that you’re just now realizing how attractive Sunghoon is, Sure, he’d always been a good looking guy, but you’d always seen him as Minjeong’s property and never paid much attention to his face out of respect for her.

But Minjeong no longer has a claim on him, and now you really notice the perfectly placed moles that graced the side of his nose and under his eye. He really was a sight to behold, you often find yourself stumbling over your words as you speak to him, becoming flustered over the intensity of the eye contact he’d been making with you.

“…my throat is still burning and it’s been, like, twenty minutes.” You say with a laugh, watching as Sunghoon finishes off his own drink.

He sets the empty cup down, licking the remaining alcohol on his lips before smacking them, “Yeah, I wouldn’t trust her in a kitchen. I’m not that good either, though. There was this one time I had to make brownies for our hockey team’s bake sale and they turned out awful. It’s like, half of them were watery and the other half were burnt. So weird.”

“That doesn’t even sound possible.”

“I’m serious! Hold on, I probably have a picture.” 

It takes Sunghoon approximately forty-five seconds of scrolling through his Snapchat memories to find a photo of those godforsaken brownies, and sure enough, they really are a watery, burnt mess. Not that you can even focus on the picture to begin with now that he’s sitting next to you on the washing machine, and you’re finally able to see him up close.

Sunghoon’s words go in one ear and out the other, because now you’re close enough to smell the cologne he’s dabbed on the back of his neck, and notice the metal handcuffs hooked in his belt loop, and it makes it hard to focus on anything else. Especially his uninteresting story about those stupid fucking brownies.

When Sunghoon locks his phone, you take it as a sign that he’s finished with his story and let out another laugh, “Not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that.”

“I’m a man of many talents,” he jokes, slightly slurring his words. 

Maybe it’s the fact that his voice sounds deeper than usual, or that he’s staring right at you with half lidded eyes, or that he's started playing with the handcuffs on his waist, but Sunghoon looks dangerously attractive right now. 

You gulp, looking down at your lap, “Well, at least one of us had a nice drink.”

Sunghoon nods, running his fingernails along your plastic raincoat, “Wanna taste mine?” He asks, eyes darting down to your lips for a split second.

If there was ever a time to get up and leave, it should’ve been now. The rational part of your brain is telling you to push Sunghoon away and return to the party and forget this encounter with him ever happened. But you can’t move, and if you’re being honest, you don’t even want to.

You’re stuck in place, heart beating out of your chest as Sunghoon leans in closer to you. You feel dizzy in the best way possible, and a part of you feels sick for enjoying the moment as much as you do. 

His breath fans your cheek, and the faint scent of alcohol on it should’ve been enough to remind you that you shouldn’t be in this situation with him. Still, you don’t move.

Right before Sunghoon has the chance to kiss you, the door swings open and you jolt away from each other out of shock, clutching your chest as you watch Jake jog into the garage.

“You guys seen my vape?” he asks, a little out of breath.

“I…no, Jake. Why would it be in the garage?” Sunghoon asks, hopping down from the washing machine. He offers a hand to help you down and you ignore it, finally starting to come back to your senses.

“Dude, I don’t fucking know! It was just in my pocket and now it’s gone, it could be anywhere. Help me look!”

Spending your night in a garage helping Jake look for a strawberry-flavored vape doesn’t sound ideal in the slightest; now is the perfect time to leave.

Heading in the direction of the party, you pause when Sunghoon calls out your name, a slight shakiness to his voice. “Keep an eye out for me, yeah?”

Another beat of silence passes, then you nod and say, “Yeah.”

In your defense, there’s nothing to feel guilty over. All you did was have a conversation with Sunghoon, and keeping an eye out for him doesn’t necessarily mean anything else will happen, right?

You try not to think too much about it as you exit the garage, holding in a laugh when Sunghoon says something along the lines of, “You’re a grown ass man, Jake.”

What Minjeong lacks in cooking, she makes up for in dancing.

While you wouldn’t consider yourself to be on her level of dancing, you’d say you’re good enough to keep up with her at a crowded party. If swaying to the music, holding hands, and grinding on each other counts as dancing, that is.

“You’re too stiff; loosen up, babe,” she comments, fingers interlocked with yours.

“Sorry,” you reply, slightly frustrated since you don’t feel like dancing in the first place. “What were you saying?”

“Oh, yeah!” Minjeong turns to face you, moving your arms to drape them around her shoulders. “Then he said I was being crazy, and that he only got the costume because it was all that was left in his size, as if I believe that.”

“Sorry that happened,” you say, and it comes out more sarcastic than you had intended it to. 

Minjeong takes notice of this, raising a brow at you before slipping her arms under your raincoat and pulling you closer to her. “You okay?”

The two of you are pressed so close up against each other that it almost feels romantic, and you’re sure if there was another drink in your system you’d probably lean in and kiss her. 

You nod. “Just thinking about Heeseung.”

Fake offended, Minjeong’s jaw drops. “You’re dancing with the hottest girl at this party, and all you can think about is your ex? I’m hurt, YN.”

Truth be told, her ex was the one you were thinking about, certainly not your own.

Not a whole lot of time has passed since you left Sunghoon in the garage, but you make sure to keep your promise of keeping an eye out for him upon returning to the party. You’re certain that on the outside you probably look panicked and frantic, eyes darting all over the place for any sign of Sunghoon.

“Well,” Minjeong starts, tugging on your tie. “Since you’re thinking about your ex, it’s only fair that I think of mine; and there he is.”

You stop yourself from excitedly shouting, “Where?!” and watch as Minjeong subtly nods towards the staircase.

Sure enough, Sunghoon is leaning against the banister, eyes zeroing in on you with his hands shoved in his pockets.

“He’s been watching me for, like, ten minutes. Probably wants to see if you and I will make out, fucking pervert,” she says, rolling her eyes.

Minjeong has it wrong, Sunghoon has been watching you for the past ten minutes. Ever since he finished helping Jake find that stupid vape, he’s had his sights set on you and you only.

That other part was probably true, though.

You swallow the lump in your throat and say, “Such a pervert.” It comes out a tad more robotic than you were going for, but you tried your best. 

Once Sunghoon is sure that Minjeong is distracted, he mouths, “Bathroom,” before immediately turning around and jogging up the steps.

Fuck, are you really about to do this? 

Your eyes dart from Minjeong to the staircase, and you can’t believe you’re even considering going upstairs to meet her ex. Everything about this predicament is sick and twisted and perfectly on brand for Halloween. 

But, somehow, it’s not sick enough to stop you.

“Hey, I think I’m gonna get some air; I’m feeling kinda dizzy,” you lie, hoping it’s believable enough.

Minjeong stops dancing immediately, a look of genuine concern on her face. “Here, I’ll come with you.”

“No, no. You keep having fun, I’ll be back soon. Make another drink for me, okay? I’m sure I’ll need it,” you assure her with a smile, taking her hands into yours.

“Fine, I’ll be here. But the only drink I’m making for you is a Ginger Ale.”

Thank God.

After giving Minjeong a kiss on the cheek (feeling guilty as ever), you slip past her and head towards the direction of the backyard. Once Minjeong is fully out of sight, you switch paths and sprint up the staircase, bumping into and angering a few people along the way. 

You keep your head down once you reach the second floor, speed walking to the end of the hallway and avoiding eye contact with everyone you walk by until you reach the bathroom.

The door is closed and locked, of course, and that’s when it dawns on you that this could be one big, elaborate prank from Sunghoon. You could open the door and be met with a camera in your face with Sunghoon recording, laughing maniacally before mentioning something about telling Minjeong everything and that he stayed loyal to her the entire time.

Unfortunately for you, even that possibility doesn’t scare you away from knocking on the door and saying, “It’s me, YN.”

The knob twists before the door is pushed open, barely enough room to slide in discreetly, but you manage anyway.

Using your body weight to press the door shut, Sunghoon reaches behind you to make sure it’s locked. “You really came.”

You hate that he sounds shocked, as if he had some faith that you wouldn’t risk your friendship with Minjeong for a few minutes with him, of all people. He’s not even your type.

“Don’t make a big deal out of this.”

Sunghoon scoffs as if you’ve said the most obvious thing in the world. “Trust me, I won’t.”

You don’t have time to overthink the meaning of his words because before you can even realize it, Sunghoon is pushing you further up against the door, and he’s kissing you, finally kissing you.

This kiss is everything but soft, and it knocks the wind out of you. Sunghoon’s hand cups your jaw, tilting your head sideways to allow himself further into your mouth. It’s wet and sloppy, you’re certain that dancing with Minjeong was far more romantic than this. You kiss back anyway, wrapping your arms around his shoulder and grabbing a fistful of his hair, shivers running down your spine when he groans into your mouth. Without breaking the kiss, Sunghoon reaches down to slip the raincoat off of you, pressing your body closer against him to ease it off. 

He pulls away slowly, his blown-out eyes focused on the string of saliva that connects your mouths to one another. “Fuck,” he groans at the sight, moving his mouth to kiss along your jaw.

You let out a moan when you feel his tongue slide against a particularly sensitive spot on your neck, tilting your head back against the door. Sunghoon takes notice of this, focusing his attention on that same spot, sucking on it hard enough to leave a mark before teasingly scraping his canines along the area.

Quickly, your fingers move to unbutton your shirt, suddenly feeling warm all over. You’re only halfway done when there’s a sudden banging on the other side of the door, startling you enough to halt your movements.

“Ignore it,” Sunghoon mutters against your neck. “They’ll go away.”

They don’t go away, they actually start to bang louder and harder once a few seconds pass.

Sunghoon lets out a frustrated sigh, lifting his head away from you, “Occupied!”

“Sunghoon?” You hear Minjeong’s voice on the other side of the door, causing you and Sunghoon both to freeze.

“M-Minjeong?” He stutters.

“I have to piss,” Minjeong whines, messing with the doorknob. “Hurry up!”

Sunghoon must sense your panic and the fact that you feel like bursting into loud sobs, because he places his hand over your mouth before mouthing for you to stay quiet.

Minjeong doesn’t let up on trying to open the door, and you’re sure that with just enough force, she could probably get it open.

“I’m using it! Can’t you just go outside?”

“I’m a fucking girl, Sunghoon. Just hurry up and finish.”

“Just…just hold on a second, Minnie.”

Minnie? Fuck is that about?

Sunghoon pulls you away from the door, keeping his voice and movements as low as possible. “You’re gonna have to hide in the bathtub, just lay down flat and wait for her to leave.”

“What?! What if she sees me?!” You whisper, silently praying Minjeong can’t hear you over the music.

“She won’t, okay? I’ll pull the shower curtain back. It’s the only option we have right now unless you want to jump out the window.”

You shake your head. “There has to be a better idea.”

On the other side of the door, Minjeong begins to grow impatient, anxiously tapping her foot against the floor. She’s had three full drinks and is on the verge of busting the bathroom door down if Sunghoon doesn’t open it soon. She focuses her gaze downward, raising a brow at a piece of plastic that’s been slightly pushed under the crack of the door. What is it? A shower curtain? It can’t be, why would the shower curtain be on the floor? It looks more like…

“Fuck! The cops!” A drunk voice yells before the entire house panics, sirens and flashing blue and red lights fill the house.

Inside the bathroom, Sunghoon had still been trying to convince you to lay down in the bathtub when even more panic sets in.

Minjeong bangs on the door one last time. “Sunghoon, the cops are here, you need to leave! Fuck, I gotta find YN!” She yells before taking off down the hall.

Police officers are raiding the house, and all Minjeong can focus on is finding you and making sure you're okay, while you were seconds away from hooking up with her ex. What a fucking nightmare.

“We gotta jump out the window,” Sunghoon says, hurrying over to the other side of the bathroom and forcing the window open.

“What?! Why?!”

“People are doing fucking illegal drugs at this party, YN, and now the fucking cops are here. My dad works for the city and if-” He pauses to grunt, struggling to get the window all the way open. “-news spreads that his son was at a house party that was full of people doing fucking cocaine his career will be fucking over. Fuck!”

This doesn’t explain why you have to jump out of the window with him, but you narrow it down to the possibility of Sunghoon just wanting to be around you for a little longer. And as pathetic as it sounds, you find yourself smiling at the possibility.

Sunghoon finally gets the window fully open, quickly hiking one leg over. “It’s not that far of a jump, we’ll be fine. I’ll go first then let you know when to jump.”

“You’ll catch me?” you ask, buttoning your shirt back up. Now that the raincoat is gone, you probably resemble a perverted schoolgirl costume.

Sunghoon sighs. “Yes, YN, I am going to catch you. Just be ready to run, my car’s down the street.”

He doesn’t give you any time to protest before hiking his other leg out the window and jumping down; you watch in horror as he lands face down. If it weren’t for your current predicament, you’re sure you would’ve gotten the ick.

It takes Sunghoon a few seconds to get back up, brushing himself off before standing, “Come on! Hurry!”

Despite your hesitancy, you follow Sunghoon’s action and hike a leg out of the window, staring down at him. “Are you sure about this?!”

“If you want me to catch you, you better jump now!”

Halloween fucking sucks.

You swear to yourself as you hike your other leg out of the window, saying a quick prayer as you brace yourself to jump.

Sunghoon doesn’t exactly catch you, but he does brace your fall, which is good enough for you. 

He groans in pain from the impact as you stand and dust yourself off, reaching a hand down to help him up. “Sorry!”

Sunghoon stands, feeling a tad bit dizzy and lightheaded. “Just follow me.”

It isn’t too late to turn around and find Minjeong and just leave with her. In fact, it’d be the morally correct thing to do in this situation. Not that you seem to care for morals.

You make a mental note to send Minjeong a text later as you run after Sunghoon.

Sunghoon is not that great of a driver, but this doesn't surprise you.

He's still somewhat tipsy, occasionally swerving along the empty back roads.

What makes it worse is that Minjeong has been calling and texting you nonstop, your phone practically burning a hole in your pocket as you ignore her relentless attempts.

Sunghoon is trying his hardest to stay focused on the road, but your phone ringing every few minutes was really starting to irritate him. "Just fucking answer her," he says, shaking his head.

"And say what? That I'm with you?"

Sunghoon isn't too pleased with your sarcasm and rolls his eyes, "Obviously not, YN; just do something to make her stop panicking."

That's way easier said than done, especially considering that you can barely even think about Minjeong without wanting to burst into tears. The guilt has already started to set in, and it has you questioning yourself and your morals.

You can't talk to Minjeong; it's too risky, but you can call your sister and ask her to cover for you.

Slipping your phone from your pocket, you force your eyes to unfocus and ignore the string of missed calls and messages from Minjeong, dialing your sister's phone number with trembling hands.

As always, Yuna answers on the fourth ring, sighing loudly into the phone before greeting you with a monotonous, "Hello?"

"Hey, um, I need you to help me with something," you keep your voice low, not wanting Sunghoon to hear your conversation despite being right next to him.

Yuna sighs again, "With what, YN?"

"The party I was at got raided by the cops, and we all ran, so if Minjeong calls you, I need you to tell her I'm with you," you say, your eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets when Sunghoon makes a sudden sharp turn.

"Sorry," he mutters under his breath, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

You hate that even now, you find him cute.

"Well, where are you?" Yuna asks, snapping you back to reality.

"I… it's not important, just please do me this favor."

Your sister scoffs, "You expect me to lie for you, and you can't even tell me the full story?"

"The full story isn't important, Yuna."

"Clearly, it is if you're asking me to lie to your best friend."

"Just tell her," Sunghoon groans, sounding slightly annoyed, "but make sure she doesn't tell anyone else."

Yuna doesn't have many friends, and the few she does have wouldn't even care about your drama, so it's not like she'd have anyone to share your business with. You hesitate anyway because of the principle of the situation, how just ten minutes ago you were unbuttoning your shirt for your best friend's ex. Maybe you're starting to come back to your senses because replaying the scene in your head has you cringing from embarrassment.

You lean your head against the window and squeeze your eyes shut, "I'm with Sunghoon."

The line goes silent for a few seconds, and you're worried you may have lost service from driving in such a rural area until Yuna sighs for a third time, "The pretty ones are never that bright."

"I swear it isn't like that," you plead, "just, please, help me out."

"And what will I get out of this?"

Of course, she wants something, classic younger sibling bullshit.

"Well, what do you want?"

"I don't know…a normal older sister?"

"Yuna, I don't have time for this, will you help me or not?"

Bickering with Yuna was starting to give you a headache; you were seconds away from hanging up and coming up with a new plan entirely.

"After tonight, don't involve me in this anymore; I have my own shit to deal with."

You hold back a laugh at that as if Yuna does anything other than stay home and talk to the same two people. "I won't, I swear. I'll text you when I'm close to being home; let me know if Minjeong reaches out to you."

"Whatever, just get home safe and don't do anything else stupid," Yuna says through a yawn before immediately hanging up, not giving you the chance to say goodbye.

As much as you loved your sister, the two of you weren't exactly close. The divide started sometime during high school; your interests and friend groups never really aligned and only led you to stray further away from each other.

You being fairly well-known within your high school didn't help much, either. Countless random students would approach Yuna on the daily, asking if you were seeing anyone, begging her for your number, or even giving her small gifts and treats to pass along to you. 

What annoyed her the most was that they never called her by her name, in their eyes, she was always known as "YN's sister", and nothing more than that.

You're sure Yuna doesn't hate you because of it, but it certainly didn't make her very fond of you.

"What'd she say?" Sunghoon asks, interrupting your thoughts.

"She agreed to cover for me tonight," you respond, gazing out the window, "pretty sure she's pissed, though."

"She'll get over it," Sunghoon taps the navigation system on his dashboard, "type in your address."

Despite making you jump out of a bathroom window, Sunghoon technically doesn't owe you anything. He never claimed he'd bring you back to his place to finish what you started; you quite literally only jumped because he told you to, under the pretense that maybe — just maybe — he'd want to hook up with you. 

Clearly, that wasn't happening, at least not tonight. Having to jump out the window and then proceed to drive while tipsy must've knocked some sense into him, making him realize he'd been making way too many questionable choices all in one night. 

You let out a disappointed sigh, hesitantly reaching out to type your home address into the car's GPS. The system buffers for a few seconds as it calculates the quickest route to your home before displaying an estimated travel time of thirty-eight minutes.

"Forty fucking minutes?!" Sunghoon shouts, causing you to jump. 

He sighs, cursing under his breath before reaching forward and ending the navigation route. You sit up further in the seat, ready to ask Sunghoon what he's plotting before he starts typing "7/11".

You raise a brow at this, "Why're we going there?"

Sunghoon gestures towards the navigation system as if the answer is obvious, "Your house is forty minutes away, and I'm still kinda tipsy; I'm gonna need to pull over and get something other than alcohol in my system if I'm gonna be driving for that long." There's a slight slur to his words that had you weary about him driving, so pulling over to recharge isn't a bad idea.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Sunghoon managed to safely drive the two of you to the nearest 7/11, opting to pay seventeen dollars to park in a parking garage down the street instead of the shop's personal lot.

"This neighborhood isn't that safe; I don't want anyone breaking into my car," he claims, taking up two spots as he parks in the most secluded corner possible.

The neighborhood is fairly safe; he was just being dramatic.

The walk down the street is quick and slightly awkward, with you and Sunghoon stumbling every few steps yet refusing to hold onto the other for stability.

The two of you go your separate ways upon entering the shop, Sunghoon headed straight towards the snack aisle while you make your way to the slurpee machines. The difference in your priorities was humorous, with him wanting to focus on building up energy and you wanting nothing more than a quick sugar fix.

Blue raspberry isn't necessarily your go-to flavor, but it's the only flavor on the Slurpee machine that's currently working, so you fill your plastic cup to the brim before absentmindedly reaching for a straw.

Sunghoon is still prancing around the store by the time you've finished making your drink, and despite not being that hungry, you decide to kill time by strolling through the snack aisles.

The Snickers bars and Reese's Cups look tempting as always, but you refrain, sighing as you look over the selection of peanut-contaminated candy.

"Don't even bother," Sunghoon says from behind you, causing you to gasp in shock. 

He pauses for a moment, staring at the array of snacks before grabbing a pack of Skittles and walking off.

The thought of Sunghoon being aware of your peanut allergy is as comforting as it is strange. You can't imagine this is something Minjeong randomly decided to tell him, and even if that is the case, why would he bother retaining that information? It's not like the two of you are friends.

Whatever, you're probably thinking about it too much.

After deciding on a package of powdered mini donuts and Haribo gummy bears, you proceed to the checkout counter and set your items down, looking over your shoulder at Sunghoon, who was selecting the last of his items.

The man behind the counter smiles at you, typing his employee ID number into the cash register, "How's your night going?"

"Horrible," you say, making the clerk laugh even though you weren't joking.

"Sorry to hear that," he responds, scanning your items, "your total came out to…$6.12. Oh, hello, officer."

Despite not having done anything wrong, you nearly panic before remembering Sunghoon's unfortunate costume choice.

He nods at the man, setting his own items down on the counter, "Add these too. You guys take Apple Pay?" He asks, unlocking his phone.

"Oh, you don't have to pay for mine," you say, a nervous tremble in your voice.

Sunghoon shrugs, "No big deal."

Except it is a big deal. Sunghoon behaving like a boyfriend gentleman by paying for your items only made you like him even more, which is the exact opposite of what you need right now.

You sigh, taking a literal and metaphorical step back as Sunghoon taps his phone on the card reader. 

"A cop and a schoolgirl, huh? These couple's costumes are starting to make less and less sense," the employee comments, eyes darting between you and Sunghoon. 

"We're not a couple," Sunghoon responds, a little too quickly for your liking, but whatever.

The employee apologizes, embarrassed about his implications as he bags your items and wishes the two of you a safe trip home.

On the way back to Sunghoon's car, it dawns on you that Minjeong has stopped trying to get ahold of you, which is slightly worrisome considering that she's a person who wouldn't give up that easily. 

Sunghoon climbs into the backseat this time, mumbling something about needing to rest and stretch out before driving you home. He sets the bag down on the center console, grabbing a few of his items before propping himself up against the door.

You do the same, retrieving your own items from the bag before slumping into your seat. 

When you finally unlock your phone, a new voice memo from Yuna is waiting for you. Hesitantly, you hold your phone against your ear and hit play.

Yuna lets out a loud sigh, "So, you and Minjeong must have some sort of, like,  telepathic connection because she called me as soon as I hung up on you. Anyways, I told her our cousin was also at the party and was able to, uh, give you a ride home once the cops came. Oh, and I told her your phone died and that you'd call her, um,  later or in the morning. I'm not sure if she believed it, but she calmed down.

And, by the way, I meant it when I said I don't want to be involved in whatever this is after tonight. So, for everyone's sake, if something serious is going on, do not tell me about it. Get home safe."

You're not entirely sure if you deserve a sister like Yuna, who'd go against her own morals just to cover for you, but you're grateful you have her.

you [11:54 pm] : *you liked a voice memo*

you [11:54 pm] : thanks so much

you [11:55 pm] : i promise i wont involve u anymore. if minnie calls again u can just ignore it and lmk please

yuna [11:56 pm] : oh and she told me to let you know that she's safe. tho im sure that's not your biggest concern :/

Harsh but true.

You set your phone on your lap and tear open your pack of donuts, wiping away the powdered sugar that falls onto your blouse. Much like the blue raspberry slurpee, mini powdered donuts weren't exactly your go-to snack, but your options were limited, and you weren't in the mood to roam around the store any longer.

Suddenly, Sunghoon groans from the backseat and sits up, "Phone died."

Leaning over the center console, he plugs his phone into the car charger right underneath his navigation system, resting it on the dashboard before returning to his seat. 

The car falls silent, and as much as you want to start a conversation, you're not sure where to begin. There's so much you want to ask, but you refrain, biting down on your tongue so hard you're surprised the taste of blood doesn't fill your mouth.

Sunghoon leans forward again, this time resting his cheek on the side of your seat, "What'd you get?" he asks, staring down at your lap.

You turn your head to look at him, holding up the half-eaten pack of donuts for him to see.

"Can I have one?" he asks, already holding his hand out before you could even say yes.

You hand him one regardless, watching the powder fall from the pastry as he pops it into his mouth.

Your curiosity gets the best of you, and you find yourself narrowing your eyes at him as you ask, "Sunghoon, can I ask you something?"

He nods, gesturing towards the remaining donuts in a way that tells you he wants more. You hand him the remaining three, nodding back when he mumbles "Thanks" under his breath.

"How did you know that I'm allergic to peanuts?"

Sunghoon pauses, brows furrowing in utter confusion as he looks up at you, "What do you mean?"

"Earlier in the store, I was looking at the peanut candy, and you told me not to bother. I'm assuming you must've known I'm allergic, right?" You ask, fully turning around in your seat to face him.

"Um…yeah. I know."

"Okay…how?"

"I mean, was it supposed to be a secret or something?"

"What? No, of course not. Allergies are probably the one thing that shouldn't be kept secret," you respond, "I'm just curious about how you know. I don't think I've ever told you, and I can't imagine Minjeong randomly deciding to tell you."

Sunghoon awkwardly scratches the back of his neck as he avoids looking at you. It takes the tips of his ears turning pink for you to realize that he's embarrassed, which only confuses you even further.

Sunghoon shrugs, staring down at the snack you've just given him, "Whenever all of us would hang out, and there was, like, food involved, I just noticed you'd pay so much attention to the ingredients of whatever it was you were eating. At first, I thought it was a calorie thing, but you never really asked about the calories, only the ingredients."

"But, how'd you know it was peanuts specifically?" you ask, feeling embarrassed about how curious you were over something as silly as a peanut allergy.

"Remember the hockey team bake sale? The one I made those terrible brownies for?" He asks, continuing when you nod, "You were there, and I remember how excited you were to try the cookies that Jake made, but right before you bought one, you asked him if there were peanuts in them. That's when I knew."

You can't remember the last time someone had paid this much attention to you, and it's dangerous, considering how easily impressed you are by the smallest things. Sunghoon was by no means a friend of yours; you hardly knew anything about each other and often kept your interactions rather short, so his being able to pick up on your peanut allergy just by watching you was … different. Maybe even nice.

You don't even realize you've been staring at him until he stops chewing and stares back, unblinking.

You look away, retrieving your Slurpee from the cup holder and taking a long sip as Sunghoon watches.

"Can I ask you something now?" he asks.

You don't respond, side-eyeing him as you continue to sip your drink.

Sunghoon smirks, amused by your sudden silence, "Why'd you meet me in the bathroom?"

You pull the straw away from your lips, voice barely above a whisper as you respond, "To see what you wanted."

He nods, taking the cup from your hands, "You knew what I wanted," he says, pausing to take a sip of your drink, "and you still came; why?"

When you don't respond, Sunghoon lets out a loud sigh and sets your cup back down in its holder, "It's okay, YN."

"It isn't."

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I guess we'll never know, huh?"

This is a test of your morals, and Sunghoon knows this. Every decision you've made tonight has led you to this exact moment. There's still enough time to redeem yourself and make an excuse for your actions. You could easily lie and say that making out with Sunghoon was just a result of being tipsy and vulnerable. But now, with the two of you in his car, sobering up and coming back down to your senses, you won't be able to use those same excuses.

Realistically speaking, what are the chances of your ex's finding out? Heeseung probably wouldn't care, but Minjeong was an entirely different story.

In your defense, they've been officially broken up for three weeks and three days, so you wouldn't technically be hooking up with her boyfriend. Right?

Sunghoon must've sensed the gears turning in your head because, after a few seconds of staring at each other in silence, he leaned over the center console and pressed his lips against yours.

The kiss is softer this time, nothing like how it was in the bathroom as if he's trying to coax you in and convince you it's okay, that you're doing nothing wrong.

You find yourself slipping under his spell, eyes finally fluttering shut as he gently swipes his tongue across your bottom lip. The faint taste of alcohol is still on his tongue, but he does taste much sweeter now, like the blue raspberry slurpee he'd just had. A part of you wonders if he'd done that on purpose as if tasting better would make you enjoy kissing him like this.

He pulls away, scooting farther back into his seat, "C'mere, climb over."

You do as you're told, slipping off your shoes with Sunghoon guiding you right onto his lap as you climb into the backseat. You can't help but squirm on his lap, and he can still sense a slight hesitancy in your actions, the way you shiver when he touches you, how you initially pulled back when he tried to kiss you again.

"You're nervous," he comments, eye flickering across your face.

You shrug, holding onto his shoulders for support, "I can't help it."

Beneath you, Sunghoon reaches down to unclip the handcuffs from his belt loop, "You're making it hard to focus."

"The fuck am I supposed to do, then?!" You didn't mean to shout, but your patience was starting to run thin. You felt guilty enough as it is, and Sunghoon reminding you of how nervous you are certainly didn't make it any better.

Sunghoon rolls his eyes, undoing the handcuffs before grabbing your left hand. He tightens the cuff around your wrist, "Just trust me," he says simply. He sits up further in his seat, grabbing your cuffed wrist as he pulls down on the car's grab handle. He slips the empty cuff through the slot before gesturing for you to give him your free hand.

Fuck.

"Sunghoon…"

"Just trust me," he doesn't wait for a response, grabbing your wrist and bringing it up towards the empty cuff. It locks around your wrist with a click, causing him to smile in satisfaction. 

You're sure that with just the right amount of force, you could easily snap the handcuffs in half, but it's the thought that counts. With your arms and hands restricted towards the ceiling, all you can do is stare down at Sunghooon and await his next movement, his very calculated movement.

He presses his cold lips against your neck, simultaneously using his hands to slowly unbutton your blouse. The mark he'd left on your neck earlier was as prominent as ever, and it pleased him to know you were okay with him marking you up like this. He swipes his tongue against the sensitive spot, hardening in his pants when you squirm on top of him. 

His nails trace along the bare skin of your waist once he's finished unbuttoning your blouse, your bralette — that was a few sizes too small — fully on display for him. He's practically salivating at the site, his tongue sliding across his canines, completely in awe of your breasts spilling out of the flimsy, white material.

Sunghoon can't unclasp and slide off your bra, or else it'd be awkwardly hanging in the air, and trying to slip it through the handcuffs would take too much effort. Instead, he apologizes under his breath before his hands reach the front of your bra.

"Wait, Sunghoon—!"

Without warning, he stretches the fabric until it finally rips, seemingly pleased with himself if the cocky smirk is anything to go by. "Relax," he says, "I'll buy you a new one."

You don't have time to scold him because before you can even process what's happening, Sunghoon's tongue is swirling around your nipple. You swear at the sudden contact, arching your back and pressing your chest further into his face. It's almost embarrassing how such a simple act already had your head spinning.

His hands trail downward until they reach the hem of your skirt, slowly pushing it upwards until it's bunched around your waist. He traces the tip of his finger across your clothes cunt, pleased with how wet you've already gotten without having done much.

Your hips buck up into his hands on instinct, desperate for the friction, borderline craving it.

Sunghoon releases your perked bud in his mouth, looking up at you as he asks, "You want me to stop?"

"No, please don't." You beg.

"So this is okay then, right?"

If your wrists weren't handcuffed to the grab handle, you're sure you would've reached down and choked him for all the teasing. "Yes, Sunghoon, it's okay! Just hurry up and do something!"

Sunghoon shakes his head at you, mumbling, "So impatient." as he moves to lie flat on his back.

You stare down at him, confused, when he doesn't immediately start undoing his pants but instead positions his head right between your thighs.

It's funny, Minjeong claimed Sunghoon wasn't really into giving head and only gave it to her a handful of times during the course of their relationship, claiming he preferred to save it for special occasions.

But yet, here he is, willingly pushing your thighs further apart before pressing his lips against your clothed cunt.

The action sends shivers down your spine, and the handcuffs around your wrist suddenly feel tighter. He presses his tongue flat against you, groaning at the taste of your slick that's soaked through your panties. You grind down on him instinctively, your body trembling with anticipation as you squeeze your eyes shut.

"Fuck." You whisper, tugging at the handcuffs in frustration.

The sound of the metal clinking makes Sunghoon chuckle, pressing a final kiss against your damped underwear before mumbling, "Cute."

He makes quick work of sliding your underwear off your legs, tossing them to the 

front seat with a grunt as you wait for him to continue. Sunghoon settles himself between your thighs again, groaning in annoyance as you hover over him. "Stop fucking hovering," he demands, attempting to pull you down directly onto his face, "it's fine."

It's too intimate; you've never even sat on Heeseung's face before, and you're sure this isn't something he's done with Minjeong.

"But, I don't wanna cru- fuck!"

Sunghoon dismisses your worries, forcing you down onto his face and instantly wrapping his lips around your clit. You barely have any time to process that this is completely new territory for you, being this intimate with a man, sitting right on his face while he drags his tongue along your cunt; gathering your wetness and dragging it up towards your clit before wrapping his lips around it once more.

You let out an embarrassingly loud moan at that, leaning your head against the cold window as your face heats up. This only encourages Sunghoon even further, and his confidence grows, feeling bold enough to tease the tip of his tongue into your hole.

You jolt up at this, biting back a moan and wishing you could reach down and grab a fistful of his hair and properly ride his face. He licks another stripe up your folds, gripping your thighs and holding your body in place when you try to squirm away. 

"Stop trying to run from me," he groans into your pussy, the vibrations from his voice sending a shiver across your body. 

He presses his face further into your cunt, moaning at how much wetter you've gotten since he's started. For a man who apparently wasn't one to eat a girl out, he sure did seem desperate and eager to have you come on his face. In fact, it almost seemed as if he was doing it for his own pleasure rather than yours, which only turns you on even more.

After a few more slides of his tongue, you finally feel your orgasm approaching, your thighs tensing around Sunghoon's head.

"I know you're close," he whispers, placing sloppy, open-mouthed kisses on your inner thighs, "go ahead, use me. I know you want to."

He's practically begging at this point, big, wet eyes staring up at you in pure adoration as he sucks your clit back into his mouth. That's your breaking point, the knot in your stomach finally untying itself as your orgasm washes over you.

You let out a moan so loud that your throat hurts shortly afterward, your wrists going limp in the handcuffs as you ride out your high.

Sunghoon doesn't let up until you're practically shaking from overstimulation, your body naturally twitching and squirming away from his greedy mouth as he cleans you up. He pulls away finally, his mouth and chin completely coated with your slick as he leaves a trail of kisses on your bare thighs.

You can't help but stare down at him in awe; he looks completely dazed as if he's running off, nothing but pure desperation and lust for you. You.

"Sunghoon," you say, trying to get his attention, "I…do you keep condoms in here?"

He flutters his eyes open, shaking his head, "No, but 7/11's just down the street. I can go-"

You interrupt him with a shake of your head, "I don't wanna wait; we don't need one."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm on the pill. Just, please, fuck me already."

It's music to his ears, really.

Sunghoon slides himself back up the seat, reaching up to release you from the handcuffs. You groan at this, having gotten used to them and quite frankly enjoyed the temporary feeling of restriction.

"You liked the cuffs?" Sunghoon questions, dropping your wrists from the grab bar.

"Yeah," you admit, "I liked it more than I thought I would."

He nods at this, and you realize now that one of the cuffs is still clasped around your wrist. Sunghoon also notices this and smirks as an idea forms in his head. "Turn around."

You comply with no further questions, groaning when he suddenly pushes your body down into the seat. He brings your arms behind your back, handcuffing you once more as he lets out a sigh of pleasure. "I knew you'd like it."

Sunghoon pushes your skirt back up, straddling himself around your things after pulling his pants and boxers far enough to allow his cock to spring free. He steadies himself with a hand on your shoulder, using the other to teasingly drag his fully-hardened cock across your slick folds.

Sunghoon shivers at this, cursing at the sight as he repeats his movements. He knows he won't last much longer; he was practically seconds away from coming in his boxers just from eating you out, so he really should quit with the teasing for his own sake.

Minjeong had never allowed him to fuck her without a condom, so this type of intimacy was new and overwhelmingly good.

He finally pushes himself into you, his tip alone causing you to bite down on the leather of his seat. You already felt so full, and he wasn't even halfway inside yet.

"Ah fuck," he groans, "you're so tight, you're so…fuck." He can barely even form a sentence, biting down on his bottom lip as he further inches himself inside of you.

You're not doing any better, feeling as if you're already seconds away from your second orgasm when he's hardly even done anything. It takes a minute before he's fully inside of you, pausing before he leans down and asks, "Can I move?"

"Please, I need you to."

Sunghoon nods at this, pressing a kiss against your ear before sitting himself back up. He angles your hips off the seat but presses your chest further into it, giving you (and himself) the perfect arch to comfortably slide in and out.

The first few thrusts are slow, as expected, but just enough to get you used to his size. Even this was all too much for Sunghoon; he was already dangerously close to his orgasm.

He didn't intend on speeding up his thrusts already, but he really can't help it. Everything about this feels too good. The way your walls perfectly wrap around him, and the way you're moaning and cursing for him to keep going are overwhelmingly good.

"Fuck." He moans, squeezing his eyes shut as he presses you down further into the backseat. He pulls his cock all the way out before pushing himself back in, which you seem to enjoy. He does it a few more times, mostly to humor himself since it's something he assumed you would've been annoyed by.

"Sunghoon," you pant, "I'm close."

"Already?" He asks, pushing your hips downwards until you're lying flat on your stomach.

He tries to come off as cocky and frustrated, but he really is grateful you're already so close to your orgasm, seeing that he felt like he could burst at any given second.

You nod, "Please, keep going."

He doesn't respond, opting to remain silent as you pull his cock out of you before ramming it back in at a pace much harder and faster than before. His thrusts are sloppy and borderline desperate, the sound of skin slapping and grunts filling the air shortly afterward.

The two of you could hardly keep your eyes open, too lost in the pleasure of your approaching orgasms.

Your's hits first, and Sunghoon's follows shortly after, practically filling you up to the brim with his cum. You've never felt so full and warm, heat spreading through your entire body as you slowly calm down and regulate hour breathing.

Sunghoon doesn't feel like moving, but he does anyway, slipping himself out of you with a wince, watching his cum drip out of you and onto the seat of the car. He curses at the sight, stopping himself from leaning forward and eating it out of you.

He undoes both of the handcuffs this time, helping you sit up as you avoid eye contact with each other. "Hold on," he says, re-adjusting his pants and boxers, "I should have a towel or something in the trunk."

Sunghoon steps out of the car, returning a minute later with a towel in hand. He leans down, prepared to clean you up, until you stop him, "It's okay, I got it."

He shakes his head, "I can do it for you."

"It's fine," you say, buttoning up your shirt, "I'd prefer to do it myself, actually."

Sunghoon finally gives in, handing you the towel before leaning over the center console and retrieving your panties from the passenger seat. He waits patiently for you to finish up, instructing you to just drop the towel on the floor as he hands you your underwear.

"Hey, have you…do you think you've sobered up yet?" He asks, watching as you slip your panties back on.

"Yeah, why?"

"Before I met you in the bathroom, I took a few bites of an edible, and I think it's starting to kick in. I think you should drive."

You sigh, mostly because this was not at all what you'd been hoping he'd say. "Drive where? To your place? Then where would I go?"

"I can pay for your Uber home."

"Sunghoon, it's past midnight, and I'm a girl; taking an Uber this late is too dangerous."

"Then drive back to your place; I'll sleep in the car and drive off in the morning."

You groan, "No, Minjeong might visit me in the morning. What'll she think when she sees your car in my driveway?"

"Dammit, YN, then just spend the night at my place. You can take my bed, and I'll sleep on the couch; just please drive us somewhere, for fuck's sake."

Bickering with Sunghoon somehow doesn't annoy you; in fact, it feels almost domestic. Going back and forth like a real couple.

"Fine." You say, climbing into the driver's seat.

Sunghoon's phone falls off the dashboard in the process, now charged at twenty-eight percent, and apparently, a missed text from Minjeong that was sent a few minutes ago.

The jealousy that fills your chest is downright abnormal; Minjeong is your best friend; there's no real reason for you to feel jealous of her in the first place. 

In fact, you shouldn't feel any sort of guilt at all; it's not like they're still together. They've been broken up for three weeks and three days. 

Three weeks. And Three days.

[purrincess-chat]

And another thing before I see any bad takes about it, can we talk about Adrien and Ladybug? And more specifically about Adrien’s tendency to internalize issues or redirect problems at himself?

Because I know people are gonna be like buhhh Adrien hates Ladybug bc she let his dad die, but that is not at all the takeaway from those scenes or this special. Adrien had an emotional outburst when Ladybug was breaking the news, and rightfully so. How would you respond if someone came and told you your father was dead? After all of the other traumatic shit he just went through. Keep in mind where Adrien was and what he was dealing with mentally and emotionally prior to her showing up. He was already down. He was already in crisis. Where we last left him in the finale, he was having a full breakdown. Ladybug showing up and dropping the news is literally a few hours after all of that. It's still fresh, and then Ladybug shows up and tells him that his father is dead now. He has no family left. He's an orphan. Of course, he spiraled. Of course, he lashed out.

But his immediate next thought is what's important. "If I had been there-" Adrien immediately deflects blame onto himself. We see it at the end of the episode too when Chat tearfully declares he should have been there. Adrien does not blame Ladybug for his father's death. He blames himself.

And that's been a staple of Adrien’s character throughout the show. His tendency to point at himself and sacrifice himself. He had a brief moment, but we also have to keep in mind that Ladybug is his partner. He knows how tough these battles can get. He knows that she did everything she could because he knows what kind of hero she is. He's seen what she can do. He trusts her. So, naturally, to him, the blame is on himself for not being there to help her. For not being her partner in the moment when he was needed most. He let her down, and as a result, he sees his father's death as his failure, not hers. And I think that's gonna weigh on him this next season. Or at least I hope they allow him to reflect on it and forgive himself.

[snowthedemonfox]

Time to go through the entire episode 4 trailer!

I've been busy most of today, so I've only now gotten the chance to sit down and go through everything frame by frame. Like last time, I'm going to have to split this post up into parts. I'll leave everything under a read more to prevent spamming people's dashes though lol. Just know that everything will be in the reblogs!

I’ve resorted the screenshots to be in order that I think they’ll happen in the episode btw, or at least my best guesses.

Gangle and Ragatha hanging out in the tent, would not surprise me if Jax shows up and throws that baseball right in Gangle’s face to break the mask (hard to tell if she’s wearing comedy or tragedy). Maybe instead of Jax breaking her mask, Ragatha accidentally breaks it? That would explain why Gangle seems to get into an argument with her later in the trailer.

Also, baseball. Ragatha. Ragatha with a baseball. Wasn’t one of the teased adventures a baseball one? And it’s probably going to be episode 5? The Ragatha episode? Nice foreshadowing, Glitch.

Okay so very obviously her mask is broken now, thanks Jax (or Ragatha, you never know). You can see Zooble’s hand on the left, they’re probably about to offer some help. Is Zooble the one who gave Gangle her new mask? I guess they do get along pretty well.

I do wonder where Zooble got the mask from. Did they make it? How? The star and swirl do look like random parts they’d have in their Zooble box. Two other details I’d like to point out is how Zooble’s door icon is flipped. Gangle’s looking into a mirror, the icon shouldn’t be facing the right way. Cute duck toy though, Zooble. I like it.

Also is that an abstraction figure on the desk in the background? Is this related to the figurine thing from Episode 2?

Oh and I guess everyone gets those stacking ring and building block toys, since Pomni has the exact same toys in her room.

Okay first of all why are Pomni and Ragatha walking in from the right? Their rooms are on the left, along with Jax’s. Were they looking for Gangle to start the adventure, and checked her room first? That IS on the right side, so it makes sense if they were walking back from there. They look confused, maybe they’re wondering why Gangle is looking in the mirror. Maybe they’re wondering what she’s doing in Zooble’s room.

Regular Caine and Bubble activities! Maybe today Caine gets interrupted by someone while explaining the adventure? Because that would explain a few things.

Like, actually checking the suggestions box. Is it attached to the pole? How the hell are the others supposed to reach it if it’s all the way up there? I guess they’ve managed a way to do so because the box is overflowing with suggestions. I guess Caine almost never checks it, which…. oof. Maybe Pomni asked if they get any input on the adventures, reminded Caine the box exists, and now he’s going “Oh shit I can’t let them know I haven’t been reading these!”

Yayyyy Kinger <3 Probably watching Caine go over to the suggestions box lmao. I wonder what he’s going to be doing while everyone else is on the adventure?

Okay yeah it must’ve been attached to that pole, it’s now broken. Weird that we’ve never seen it in previous episodes, that would’ve been a nice reference. Caine’s probably going to grab the first suggestion he sees (That being a fast food adventure? Who would’ve suggested that? Gangle? Would explain why she’s the manager, she’s the one who suggested the idea) and go with that for the day’s new adventure. Bubble I don’t think you should lick that by the way.

Maybe the manager’s office? Or maybe this is one of Caine’s secret rooms where he brainstorms adventure ideas? Idk. I do like the motivational posters in the background though.

You can kinda see Gangle in the reflection of his eyes, so he’s maybe talking to her. Thanking her for the idea? Telling her how to be the manager?

Probably some fake ad sequence to put between them moving from the Tent to Spudsy’s? Gangle girl calm down pls you’re scaring me-

Yayyyy it’s the scene from the Feb trailer!!! But now it looks even better!! It looks like it’s still early in the day based on the outside weather. Jax has to work the drive thru it seems, that doesn’t seem too difficult. I guess. I’ve never worked at a place like this. I wonder what that room on the right is. Maybe they all spawn in with their usual outfits, but that room acts as a changing room? Is that Caine’s hand? Maybe Jax refused to be a part of this but Caine dragged him in there anyway to get into uniform lol. Does not look like he’s having a good time.

Orbsman!! First thing I noticed is that he seems a bit… lower quality than all the other character models we’ve seen. Caine must’ve really rushed this adventure, and that’s going to become a bit more obvious really quickly. But for real dude why are you so tall wtf.

Oh and Ragatha is at the cash register with Pomni! Maybe they both start out there, but Gangle makes Ragatha work with Zooble on the cooking because of all the orders? Sorry Pomni, you’re on your own.

What do you do when you need NPCs, but don’t have the time to make new ones? You reuse old ones! Why else would the Gloink Queen be ordering burgers?? I was just as surprised as Jax when I watched the trailer.

Is this the Karen NPC I’ve been theorizing exists? If so, Pomni is not going to have a good time. Maybe this is just after Ragatha left to help Zooble?

This has to be a timeskip cut somewhere, right? It’s probably boring to show the whole day of nothing but customers ordering food and then leaving. But I can’t tell if this is early morning, or late afternoon. How long are these guys even supposed to be working for?

This has to be at least after Ragatha leaves, cause you can only see Pomni at the register. I can’t see any NPCs though, did most people leave?

Look at her, she looks so damn tired. Pomni I’m so sorry you didn’t deserve this.

If you’ve seen my other post on this topic, you’ll know that I 100% believe Gummigoo is ordering something in this moment. The trailer put this scene immediately after showing us the Gloink Queen. If Caine reused one NPC, he’s going to reuse another. I wonder if we’ll see Max or Chad? Or one of the ghosts from Episode 3? 

Either way Pomni is not going to have a good time. I doubt Gummigoo even remembers who she is.

Yeahhhh she doesn’t look like she’s handling this well. Gummi probably just walked off to go sit down somewhere? Or maybe he just got his food (which, damn, that must’ve been quick) and is walking to one of the tables. Pomni’s trying her best to act normal and okay but you can clearly tell she isn't.

This scene is odd because it’s the only one that looks like Glitch intentionally cropped something out. Is that something perhaps a gummy crocodile? Pomni please get off the floor who knows what’s been there. That’s not healthy. Also?? Don’t you have a job to do??

[lunarcrystaldraws]

AxoBill (Bill Cipher x The Axolotl) Personal Headcannons cuz I’m am obsessed with these goobers.

TW// Self Harm mention. Lots of angst too.

(This list is subject to grow and change a lot lol just like you and I.)

Bill Cipher (He/They/It)

(Figuring out his real gender would take too much paperwork.)

Fluff:

Would never admit out loud, but he likes to be embraced. It makes him feel more in control of his thoughts and emotions.

“Yeah! I wooed The Frilly Guy Upstairs with my unfathomable charisma and my unique sense of humor! B)”

Was pleasantly surprised at Ax’s sense of humor. The first time they laughed at one of his weird jokes, the sound of their laughter… caught him off guard… and he wanted to hear it more.

He used to call them “Frills” or “Axxy” in a condescending way, but now calls them that affectionately.

Loves to look at Ax’s starry eyes.

He used to find Ax's voice terrifying at first, but soothing later on.

Angst:

He genuinely thought Ax was going to either let him die or revive him just to kill him again. He believes he is unredeemable, and that Ax made a mistake by saving him and letting him live.

Bill doesn't know of Ax’s dark past. Everything involving that time happened before he was even born. As far as he knows, Ax has always been this goody-two-shoes, preachy know-it-all since the beginning.

Prone to self harm when stressed (Ripping out eyelashes, and damaging his eyelids via, scratching, picking, pulling, etc.)

After an especially bad episode, he is uncomfortable by the sight of his own reflection.

Genuinely has no idea how or why The Axolotl fell in love with his headass. He thought at first that Ax was playing a cruel joke on him.

Bill is just extremely cynical. (He is working on it.)

The Axolotl (Any Pronouns)

(Genderless cuz... why would god itself be tied down to the tight constrains of binary gender 'n shit???)

Fluff:

Very physically affectionate and gentle. Likes to hold Bill and to be held.

The only being in the universe patient enough to put up with Bill’s bullshit and witness his healing journey.

The only being in the universe that can see past all of Bill’s lies, bluffs, and manipulation attempts.

“Seriously! What do you even see in that guy?” “He makes me laugh!”

Has a weird sense of humor somewhat similar to Bill’s that could be considered “uncharacteristic” of them.

Calls Bill star-based nicknames. Ex: “My Star,” “My Starlight.”

During their time as “Frilliam,” they witnessed first-hand humanity’s capability to love and cherish an animal companion, especially one that is a gift from a loved one. They think back fondly to their time under Stanford Pines’ care.

Angst:

Is upset by the fact that Bill was terrified of them. Ax doesn’t want to be seen as terrifying at all.

When their chest is exposed in the air, they wrap their arms around it by habit. They have a visceral reaction if someone touches their chest or tries to restrain their limbs.

Understands Bill’s pain quite well.

A very long time ago, they cried so hard, their eyes fell out. They regenerated after.

May or may not has erased their own memories a few times before.

Wants to tell Bill of their past, but doesn’t know if they should.

Had a twin and Had someone they loved dearly. Someone they used to call “Their little bunny.” Ax would do anything to hold them again, even if just one last time. A time wish cannot bring them back.

Bill’s humor and his more harmless shenanigans reminds them of “Their Bunny.”

Their name is actually pronounced a-sho-loht, but they’d rather separate themselves from that name.

Cosmic Immortality… (See: Sucker For Love 2)

Extras:

Bill’s petty insults do not upset Ax. They have better shit to worry about lol.

Ax can speak every language. Their native tongue is Nahuatl but written in the theraprism’s cryptogram alphabet. (Idk what that specific cryptogram is called smh.)

Ax wouldn’t speak Bill’s native tongue (the color code) in front of him.

Bill’s and Ax’s encounter after his deletion was… emotionally charged, specially for Bill.

Ax’s voice is similar to Satan’s from Adventures of Mark Twain, but less sinister sounding. A male and a female voice overlapping each other, so gender ✨️

Ax was unaware of a lot of the things that went on the Therapism. Something or someone found a loophole to The Axolotl’s all seeing eyes.

Ax does NOT like their gills being touched at all. Bill learnt that the hard way.

Ax can also read people's minds but avoids to do so. They find it distasteful. (They still detect lies all the time though.)

@ ing people who need some nourishment lol.

@skyiiskyii @vimzu @bluecroc29

/hj /Ref sorta

I totally did NOT edit this picture after i posted this cringe ❤️

[peterm4rker]

¿dónde está la biblioteca? || z.cl

twenty four. are you shitting me? (written)

🕸🕷✮⋆˙ wc. 1.4k w. curse words! ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

you hoped whoever princess was had a shitty day.

it was nothing against her, really (yes it was). but mostly against the fact that the simple knowledge of her existence had ruined the last few days of your life.

after realising that there was no way that chenle had anyone but a girl named like that on his phone, you had spent the last two days dragging about in your apartment, bored out of your mind and a tiny bit sad.

you have grown accustomed to chenle’s presence in your life. his texts, his twitter interactions, the hours upon hours he spent inside of your head. so now that you had decided to take your time and distance from him, everything was oddly quiet. you spent the first two days simply moping around, watching straight seasons of new girl and eating away your feelings with cookie dough ice cream, which oddly enough, you had never liked that much until it began to remind you of chenle.

it was day three on the “forgetting about my feelings for chenle and going back to being best friends with him” agenda, and the outro to the last episode of new girl played on your computer screen. you stared at it with a blank face and teary eyes, feeling hollow once again as there was nothing to fixate on to make you feel better.

as you picked up your phone to call sunwoo and cry to him about everything but chenle (he vetoed his name for the next week), you found your own teary eyed reflection and it was nothing more than pathetic.

since when did you let yourself cry over boys and mope around for days on end?

absolutely not.

you turned off your phone and got out of bed, grabbing a towel and heading straight to the shower. music blared through the alexa on the counter as you let water wash the negativity away, allowing a smile onto your face. you picked a cute outfit and grabbed your bag, putting one airpod on before leaving your house and jumping into ludovica.

the drive to the coffee shop was pretty long, but it didn't bother you. that was what you needed, fresh air and some sun.

you parked your car and happily got out of it, making sure to greet the workers as you approached the counter and ordered your favourite drink and a pastry. once the order was placed you walked to a nearby table, pulling out your computer and your notebook, deciding to get some work done.

the music playing through your headphones drowned out any other thought that could have crossed your mind. the melody tingling your brain and the lyrics sinking into your skin as you tried your hardest to write your report on one of your biggest musical inspirations. 

right then and there, everything seemed to fall into place. the coffee was exactly as you liked it, the pastry was beautifully done and the words seemed to just flow out of you. 

you didn't need chenle. you didn't need anyone.

but of course, if being run over and stranded at an airport had taught you anything, was that these feelings normally didn't last for you. and still, you were a little surprised as you felt a tap on your shoulders, raising your head only to be met by none other than hong seunghan.

he smiled brightly at you, the corner of his eyes brimming with joy as he waved. you took your headphones off quickly, trying to match his smile and hide your surprise. “hey, seunghan!” you greeted happily.

“hey ynnie, what are you doing here? i don't think I’ve seen you here before” he says, but he has, because you used to go to that exact coffee shop whenever you thought he would be there. 

“just getting some work done, you?” you answered.

“I was supposed to meet maru but she couldn't make it” he shrugged, looking at the chair in front of you “is this seat taken?”

“oh, no, go ahead” you nudged towards the chair, allowing him to sit with you. 

a few months ago, hell, even weeks, you would've been elated to be sitting with seunghan out of all people. but as you saw him sit and give you that astonishing smile of his, there was nothing.

because it wasn't his smile that made your stomach erupt into butterflies anymore.

★🎧⋆｡ °⋆

conversation easily flowed between you, making you set your work aside completely to focus your attention on him.

“can i tell you something a little embarrassing? i'm only comfortable saying this now because i’m madly in love with my girlfriend” he asked as he calmed down from a fit of laughter you had very proudly caused.

“yeah, of course” you smiled reassuringly, suddenly curious at what his next words would be.

“i used to have a huge crush on you but i was too scared to say anything” he admitted bashfully. your jaw fell open for a couple seconds, before erupting into laughter and hiding your face in your hands “hey! don't laugh at me!” he exclaimed with a soft laugh.

“i'm not laughing at you! its just” you cut yourself off and took your hands away from your face, looking at him once again “i had a massive crush on you for about two years” 

“you're shitting me right now” he deadpanned, and you shook your head as a chuckle escaped your lips. “i was scared for nothing!?” 

“yup, i would've given you everything i've ever owned if i knew” you chuckled.

“thats crazy… When did you stop liking me?” he asked curiously, and you pursed your lips a bit awkwardly.

“maybe around a month ago?” you said, doubt making your voice high pitched. his jaw fell open once again.

“that little ago?” you nodded, sheepish smile still on your lips “then… i'm guessing chenle happened?”

you nodded once again.

“well then, I'm happy it worked out for the both of us” he chuckled as he sipped his drink again.

“i wouldn't say it has worked out for me” you commented, stirring the liquid of your second cup of coffee of the day.

“how so?” he asked, curious once again. who would’ve thought he liked chisme so much?

“well, chenle has no idea i like him and also has a girl, so” you pursed your lips once again.

“huh? chenle doesnt have a girl” seunghan replied, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“he doesn't?” your eyebrows moved to match his, his confusion contagious.

“nah, he is pretty bitchless” the way he said it made you laugh, rolling your eyes.

“then who is princess?” you asked. you didn't know why you were having this conversation with seunghan out of all people, but if it was giving you good information then it was totally worth it.

“princess?” he thought about it for a second, his furrowed eyebrows falling into a deadpan as he seemed to remember “thats literally jaemin”

“wait, what?” you asked, even more confused than before.

“that's how he has him saved, with a little bow, right?” right.

you had never felt so stupid in your life.

you just had spent two days moping around your room for nothing.

you had spent two days ignoring chenle for nothing.

“i might end it all” you groaned and let your head fall into the crook of your arms, resting on top of the table. seunghan let out a loud laugh.

“no way you thought he had a girlfriend” he laughed “its so obvious that he's–” he cut himself off suddenly, making you look up at him

“hes what?”

“nothing, forget it” he dismissed it. he wasn't going to rat out his boy like that. “i can help you”

“help me with what?” you sat up once again, feeling defeated by your own dumbness.

“chenle, i know him very well, and i think i can help you confess” he said, decided smile adorning his pretty face.

“you really think so?” you asked, a tiny bit of doubt in your voice.

“of course, i'll need some help but i definitely can” he nodded, convincingly.

“then let's do it.”

previous ★ masterlist ★ next

★ blue's corner ;; SEUNGHAN IS BACK I REPEAT MY MAN IS BACK !!!!!! sooo incredibly grateful that i chose him as the crush because i can post this chapter and introduce their beautiful friendship the day after he was announced back !!!! ★ tag list ;; @yutarot @chenlesfavorite @fullsunbabe @taroddori @morkiee @jovialdelusionbouquet @winwintea @flaminghotyourmom @haechskiss @xuimhao @dudekiss3r @neozon3nha ★ back to the main masterlist ★ please do not copy, adapt or steal any content !!

© peterm4rker, 2024

[quillandink22]

A dick winters imagine please

Like one where winters has loved the reader since tocoa and the two are best friends. The war is over and they are in Austria and he asks her to go for a morning swim. The two get close and he confess that he loves her and she loves him to. Like fluffy.

This has literally been on my mind all day since I read it. I hope my writing does it justice. Points is one of my favourite episodes. A girl can't help but appreciate Damien Lewis shirtless. Anyway, heres my take on your prompt :)

Treading Water

It was early morning. You had planned to sleep in, given that for the first time in what seemed like forever, you had nothing in particular to do. This should have been a relief, but the silence felt like a precursor to the screams for a medic you were hardwired to follow. Even now, in the tranquil embrace of Austria, your body hadn’t seemed to grasp the fact that it was finally safe. The men, for the most part, were safe too. Your job, at least for the moment, was done. But still, you couldn’t quite sleep in. You couldn’t allow yourself to relax.

You woke with the birds each morning, dressed in your uniform with the medic’s badge strapped to your arm, and headed to the lake. Clad for war, yet carrying only a sketchpad and pencil, you were a paradox. By the time the sun rose, you were nestled on the banks of the lake, sketching or attempting to sketch the world around you. You’d never seen such beauty. The way the lake stretched out almost endlessly, its crystal-clear waters reflecting the sky above. The alpine slopes rose in the distance, jagged rocks contrasting with the soft blanket of pine needles that covered the soil at the edge of the water.

It was peaceful, a state you’d grown to loathe but were trying to readjust to. There seemed to be plenty of adjustments to make. But jumping into the Pacific war zone had put a stop to any plans you’d started to make about going home. In truth, you had no idea what life would look like now. You had changed so much in the past three years. Was it even possible to go back to the way things were? To the person you once were?

"We seem to have the same idea."

You jumped slightly, too preoccupied with your drawing and thoughts to hear the approaching footsteps. "Sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you," Dick spoke, slightly awkwardly. He stood just as awkwardly, back pin-straight, perhaps a habit ingrained in him.

"No, it’s my fault. I was miles away," you offered, settling yourself. You dropped your art supplies gently to the ground. "Going swimming?" you asked, gesturing to the towel draped over his shoulder. You couldn’t help but appreciate his outfit. It had been a while since you’d seen Dick in anything other than his uniform. His white T-shirt clung to him, highlighting the body he’d forged during training, though you could tell he’d lost weight. You all had these past few months. Still, he was nothing short of perfect in your eyes, though you had never told him that out loud.

"Thinking about it." He smiled before dropping down beside you. His long legs stretched out before him as he made himself comfortable on the blanket you’d laid out beneath you. "So this is where you’ve been hiding. It’s nice. Pretty," he said, his eyes watching you intently.

"I’ve just needed some time to think, I guess."

"About?"

"Everything," the word left your body almost as a sigh. "The last three years. The future. I don’t know, I feel like my mind’s going a mile a minute."

"I know the feeling," he spoke softly, leaning back to watch the lake, his mind clearly drifting away.

"Yeah?"

"Nix offered me a job."

"That’s good, right?" You smiled, genuinely excited that at least one of you seemed to be sorting their life out. Yet you could hear the apprehension in his voice.

"You think?" He tilted his head back to you. It struck you how close you’d become these last three years. How much he valued your opinion. "I’m not sure I’d be any good at it. I don’t know anything about fertilizer or business for that matter."

"You’re joking. All those people to boss around," you teased. "You’ll be in your element."

"Careful," he warned with no malice, the corners of his lips curling into a smile. You loved his smile. It was almost infectious. You’d long since made it your mission to make it a regular occurrence. To see his dimples or the little creases on the bridge of his nose when he laughed.

"I’m kidding. Well, not really." You nudged him with your elbow, an act of measured intimacy. "You should take it. Go settle down and leave all this war business behind you. I would."

"How many points are you short?" He looked more stoic now, the realization perhaps only now hitting him.

"Too many. I was never injured, and they don’t tend to award female medics medals." You shrugged it off like it didn’t matter. Like it wasn’t the thing that kept you awake most nights. "Tab offered to marry me for points, but I’d still be short." You joked, trying to lift the mood. There was nothing he could do about it. If you had to jump, you’d jump. You’d take up the mantle of medic again and watch over your boys.

He didn’t laugh; perhaps your demeanour didn’t match your tone. He was too good at reading you.

"Fancy a swim?" he suddenly offered.

"I'm not dressed for it," you replied with a laugh, your attire making it plainly obvious. "You go, I’ll still be brooding here when you get back." Another joke that seemed to fall flat, given the concerned look he sent your way.

You pulled out your sketchpad once more as he headed to the end of the pier. Pencil in hand, you intended to continue the landscape you’d begun, but it quickly became impossible when Dick pulled his shirt over his head. He looked over his shoulder, undoubtedly to make sure you hadn’t brooded yourself to death.

You offered a lopsided grin, praying he was far enough away not to see the blush rising in your cheeks. Your heart seemed to stop and speed up simultaneously. It was ridiculous—he was one of your best friends, had been since Toccoa. He was one of the first to accept you as you were, reassuring you endlessly when Sobel seemed hell-bent on kicking you to the curb. Even as he climbed the ranks throughout the war, he was always there for you. The men often thought him shy—he hadn’t earned the nickname "Frosty" for nothing—but you never saw him that way. He was, in many ways, your rock, never more so than in Bastogne.

In those frozen woods, you lost bits of yourself, lost men you regarded as family. Never before had you felt so useless as a medic, so helpless. There were times when the thought of lifting your body from your foxhole and running towards a scream terrified you so much you froze. You couldn’t face another body, another man begging to be saved when you knew you couldn’t help—that no medic could. In those dark days, you sought him out. He’d offer you coffee, or what passed for it, and just listened. He’d put an arm around your shoulders, pull you close, and tell you stories from home, of his family. You never told him how much that meant, how it had saved you. Fear held you back—fear that if you opened your mouth, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from telling him how you felt, from telling him you loved him. He was your best friend, and losing him, even now when you felt stronger, was too much to bear. It was too big a risk. So, you remained quiet.

----------------------------------------------------------

Dick turned for a split second to check on you. It hadn’t occurred to him that you wouldn't have enough points to go home. How foolish of him to assume. No wonder you’d been distant since the announcement that Easy Company was destined for another jump. It didn’t seem fair; he’d seen how hard you worked, how you pushed yourself to the bone to look after the company. The toll it often took on you. The thought of you jumping again without him there to watch out for you terrified him.

He dove off the pier, the cold water shocking his system. It was colder than it looked, and he liked that; it usually helped clear his mind. But you remained fixed in his thoughts. You always did. Ever since you stepped into Toccoa, you occupied his mind more than he cared to admit. He hadn’t had the courage to speak to you until the rumor spread that you were involved in a possible appendectomy on Sobel. He’d asked you straight out, equal parts curious and awed. He hated Sobel, still did, but he’d never have chanced something like that, as much as he might have wished to. You just smiled innocently, with a twinkle in your eye that said the opposite. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t fallen for you in that moment. In truth, he’d been falling for you ever since. But he outranked you and worried that starting something more than friendship would risk your position in the company. He refused to lose you. Nix had called him out on his lack of action several times, joking that Dick was a coward where you were concerned. Maybe he was right. Perhaps it wasn’t just rank but fear of rejection. He didn’t fear much, but losing you was something he refused to allow.

He resurfaced for a breath, only to hear the sound of a splash. It drew him from the rhythm of swimming. His feet and arms now treaded water as he watched your head surface. Your hair was plastered to your head, making your face stand out more, highlighting your natural beauty. He knew he was turning red; he could feel the burn in his face, the heat rising to the tips of his ears. You had stripped down to your underwear. Though he couldn’t see you clearly, he couldn’t stop his mind from filling in the blanks. Worse still, you were swimming straight for him, effortlessly cutting through the water.

"I got sick of brooding," you said, beaming as you stopped a few feet from him, treading water to stay afloat.

"Right, well, swimming helps... you know, with brooding. Clears the mind." He rambled on, hoping you’d stop him before he drowned himself in embarrassment. "I..." he started, unsure of what to say as his brain blanked. Awkward silences were never something he’d associated with you. He saw how confused you were, watching him with that expression you reserved for wounded men. Perhaps you thought he was having a stroke. Instead of speaking, he raised his hand and flicked water at your face.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jumping into the lake half-dressed was probably a stupid idea. You didn’t know why you did it. Well, you did. God, it was a bad idea. He looked at you like you were crazy and splashed water in your face. When you finally regained your eyesight and saw his terrified expression, you laughed—laughed like you hadn’t in quite some time.

"If it’s a battle you want, Major, it’s a battle you’ll get," you teased confidently. You gave him no time to register it before blasting a wave of water in his direction and swimming away at speed. It took all your self-control not to laugh and inhale half the lake in the process.

You were just about to chance looking over your shoulder when a hand wrapped around your ankle, pulling you back towards him. His hand met your shoulder, dunking you momentarily under the water.

"Oy," you protested when you resurfaced, only to have more water thrown in your face.

"If you’re jumping, I’m jumping," he suddenly said as you wiped the water from your eyes.

"What?" you blurted breathlessly.

"The Pacific. If you jump, I jump."

You were still treading water, realizing just how close you both were. His red hair was a mess, beads of water trickling down his handsome face.

"I can’t ask you to do that."

"I’m not asking your opinion. I’m telling you my plans." He smiled, his mind set in stone. You knew it from the determination that shrouded his face.

"Dick..." you began, ready to tell him to go home, to take his points and get clear of the mess you’d be facing. You wanted him safe, even if that meant he wouldn’t be there with you.

"I love you."

You couldn’t quite believe what he’d just said. His hand moved slowly to rest on your bare waist. "I have for a while. You don’t have to say it back. I wouldn’t expect it. I just needed you to know."

Your eyes locked, and time stood still. Everything that held you back slipped away—all worries and doubts long forgotten as you swam forward. You gave him little warning before your lips met his. For a second, he didn’t move, too shocked. But then you felt his hand pull your waist closer to his. His lips, softer than you expected, moved against yours as your arms wrapped around his neck.

His hands roamed your back, leaving a trail of warmth despite the cold water surrounding you. You felt his heart pounding against your chest, matching the rapid beat of your own. Every touch, every sensation, was magnified in the quiet intimacy of the lake. You pulled back slightly, just enough to see his eyes, full of relief and passion. He smiled, a genuine, heartfelt smile and the words you needed found your lips.

"I love you," you replied, your voice confident and sure as you leaned in for another kiss, this one even more tender and filled with promise.

[itsawhumpsideblog]

A Safehouse Christmas Story, pt. 6

On the sixth day of Christmas, My true love gave to me Six geese a laying...

So far, Nathan hadn't left the house except to go to doctor's appointments, and that was fine with him. The fact was that he felt safe in the house and the idea of leaving it caused him some anxiety. When he thought about it, it was probably the biggest mental mark that being a Pet had left on him. The physical marks were more obvious, but more easily healed- the cast on his leg would one day come off and even though his burned arm had scarred, it no longer hurt him.

But he had spent literally years inside his Master's house. Master hadn't ever taken him anywhere and he hadn't been allowed outdoors for any reason. His concern for Mikey had sometimes overcome his inhibitions, but there had been a cost, even then. He remembered the way his chest had pounded with nerves every time he let himself out the back door and the way his head had spun and his whole body had felt suddenly hot and cold all at the same time. He never wanted to have that feeling again. He could just about manage going to the doctor, since it was a finite trip to a specific place and either Angie or Tim was with him the whole time, but it wasn't easy.

He had felt safe in the assumption that it would be some time before he had any reason to go outdoors- other than for medical appointments- and had tried to put the fear of it out of his mind. It had been working so nicely...

Dark had been falling and they were watching the final episode of the documentary Francis had chosen to watch, before it was interrupted by the power outage. In fact, they had all liked it so much that the next few rounds of choices were dedicated to finishing every episode.

If Nathan remembered correctly, it was going to be Francis's turn again, although Angie sometimes went out of order, to give Mikey and Francis practice with being asked their opinion casually. Nathan was expecting to spend part of the evening discussing movies again when, this time, Angie threw him for a loop.

"We should all pile in the car and go look at Christmas lights," she said. Nathan felt his spine stiffen.

"Is there going to be enough room in the car?" Tim asked, sounding a little doubtful. "I mean, I guess we could take two if we had to, but it would be more fun to go together."

"It'll be okay," Angie said. "We'll take yours, so there's the third row, and we can figure out who has to sit in the back. I'll do it, if I need to."

Nathan glanced sharply around the room, trying not to look as nervous as he felt. Maybe he could claim he had a stomach ache? He was going to have one anyway, before too long. He folded his arms so that they wouldn't see his hands shaking.

"Yeah," Tim was saying, "I guess we could make that work." He grinned, a little sheepishly. "I do really want to go see all the lights."

"There's a really nice display down around the lake," Angie said. "I drove past on my way back from the grocery store the other day. The entrance is- I forget the name of the road, but you remember where we saw that goose and her babies last spring? It was there."

Tim laughed. "I think I know the road you mean. I had forgotten." To the rescuees he added, "Last spring, Angie and I were in training classes, getting ready to move in here with you guys, and we were going out for lunch and there was this goose with like six little goslings. And they walked out into the road and traffic stopped and everything and then they just didn't want to move. I think we sat there for, what? Fifteen minutes, maybe?"

Mikey grinned and Angie laughed at the memory. "Some guy got out of his car and shooed them, eventually, but I was kind of having fun watching them. They were really cute. Anyway, the intersection where we got stuck is where you turn to see the light display."

"Do you guys have any opinions about going?" Tim asked and as he did, Nathan reflected that he might yet be safe from having to leave the house. Now that they had all heard how excited Tim and Angie were, it would be impossible for Francis and Mikey to have their own opinions on the idea. And maybe Tim and Angie would feel bad making them go out, especially Francis, who couldn't even walk...

But there was no such luck. Both of them looked shyly excited about the idea, even though Francis said, "Francis will do as the household chooses" and Mikey just ducked his head and nodded.

"I dunno," Nathan said, realizing that his voice sounded a little odd. Strained, maybe. "I might just stay here." He fished for an excuse. "Getting all the way out to the car sounds like kind of a lot of work- you know, with my leg and all."

"We can help you," Tim said and dammit, he thought he was offering.

"I dunno," Nathan said again and when they noticed the strange note in his voice, he tried not to sigh. Of course they would notice. They were all so... kind. Irritatingly kind.

"What's going on?" Tim asked, sounding a little suspicious.

"I'm okay here, is all," Nathan said.

Angie eyed him suspiciously. "You don't want to leave the house," she guessed, accurately.

Nathan knew when he was caught. "Not really." He shrugged.

"How come?" Trust Tim to just come right out and ask. But Francis and Mikey were looking at him with real concern and Nathan decided that telling the truth was probably... (he sighed again) important for his recovery or some shit.

"I don't want to leave the house," he said finally. "It- it makes me nervous. Ever since... you know."

Mikey nodded, understanding, and Nathan explained, "I wasn't allowed to leave when I lived with- him. I used to sneak out and hang out with Mikey, but never for very long. Being outside really freaked me out because- uh- he'd kill me if he found out. Geez. I can't even say his name, or say what I called him. But you know who I mean. If he caught me outside, he'd probably kill me, and that's not an exaggeration. And he probably would have hurt Mikey, too."

Mike nodded, his expression grim.

"So yeah. I don't really want to go outside. I'm more comfortable here."

Tim nodded and it looked like he was buying himself time to think. "Okay. Well, first of all, if you've made up your mind, we'll respect that. But I do want to say that we're not even going to get out of the car and you'll have all four of us, so if you wanted to start getting acclimated, this is a pretty low-key way to do it."

Nathan was just about to refuse when Mikey looked straight at him, catching his attention the best way he could. Then Mikey waved his right arm in a gesture the meant come on.

"Buddy, I don't know," Nathan started, but Mikey shook his head. His expression was kind and gentle but... maybe also stubborn? He waved his arm again, indicating the two of them. Then he nodded towards the door and made the "come on" gesture again.

"Fine," Nathan sighed. "If you want me to come, I'll try it."

Tag list: @pigeonwhumps, @cepheusgalaxy, @i-eat-worlds

@honeycollectswhump @taterswhump, @starfields08000

@whumpsday, @fruitypinapple00, @currentlyinthesprial

@maracujatangerine

[bunnakit]

last twilight e8 thoughts, feelings, and tears

ok i cried for like 10 minutes after the episode ended so forgive me if this isn't up to par of what i usually do. apparently i'm fragile today.

there was a lot i liked and didn't like about this scene. in the past we've seen Day cling to the idea that someday he'll see again, that this is all temporary. instead of reiterating that, instead of talking about the cornea transplant, he instead asks "what can i do?" it's such an insanely massive sign of his growth. i'm so fucking proud of him. it made me so fucking emotional because while he's still upset, he's still hurt, he's still angry, he realizes his reality and he's making steps to move forward with that.

what i didn't like about this scene was once again Day's mother acts like Day's life is ending. she's been the number one person to coddle Day and to reassure him of this surgery that may never happen. i know she means well but fuck. this has to stop.

i also fucking hated the doctor for this. Day isn't fucking dying, there's still so much he can do even once his sight is completely gone. sure, he'll have some limitations, i get that. i can't swim in the ocean or rivers anymore. that fucking sucked to learn right before going on my honeymoon to the beach. but you know what i could still do? walk across the beach to the little hidden tide pools, sit on the jagged rocks, and watch the crabs and fish and anemones and everything thrive in this tiny little ecosystem. it was still amazing and something i may not have done if not for my disease keeping me from going in the water.

we're limited by our disabilities but we aren't fucking dead - life goes on around us and we can either participate in it or wallow in our fate. i'll talk about this more later.

you can skip this next paragraph if you don't want to see me babble on another personal anecdote.

i will say i saw a lot of myself in this moment. something similar happened to me a few weeks ago. i learned my disability is no longer responding to the treatments and i'll have to have multiple surgeries next year to close some year old wounds and will probably need some skin grafts. my disease is no longer managed but once again getting worse. when the doctor told me i just nodded and discussed the game plan. meanwhile, my mom was heartbroken and kept asking if there was anything that could be done. (nothing that i'm not already doing.)

sometimes we just have to nod along and accept what's happening. we can cry about it and get pissed later if we have to.

ohhh there's so much i want to talk about here. Day's mom infuriates me, probably because she's the opposite of everything my mother ever was when faced with my disabilities. her constant refusal to address Day's blindness is so painful, as if it's somehow a reflection of him as a person or a stain. it's just a fact of life and her denial is doing so much more to hurt Day than to help him. as much as i hate it, though, it is realistic. it can be so hard for those close to us to acknowledge what's going on, especially when they can't experience it for themselves or they aren't around day to day.

which brings me to the part that frustrates me the most. i'm going to get REALLY personal here.

TW FOR SUICIDE AND MENTAL HEALTH ->

i'll put another message when this little anecdote is over so ya'll can skip to that.

i've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder since i was 15. when i was 16 i tried to kill myself. my mom didn't know until last year, but at the time she knew my depression was getting to a concerning level of bad. you know what she did? she quit her job. she made any sacrifice she could to stay home with me and make sure i was safe and felt heard and taken care of. granted, she wasn't a single mother at the time but we also weren't rolling in the money. my dad was a construction worker in the early 2000s when construction work was struggling HARD.

but that's what you do for your kids, that's what you do to take care of them and make them feel heard and loved and cared for unconditionally. my depression and desire to die wasn't a stain on who i was, it was my mind holding me hostage with no way out because they couldn't give me medication until i turned 18.

OKAY IT'S SAFE NOW ->

anyway, where i was going with that is that Day's mom, as a famous chef, clearly makes enough money to take time off work, to be there for her son, to stay home and make him feel loved and cared for. there's likely a lot going on on her end of being a single mother, of feeling like she needs to prove herself and show the world she can do this alone - but her son doesn't have to do it alone just because she wants to. he needs a support system and right now all he has is Mhok.

Day's anger is so real and so justified. he must feel abandoned by his mother, by the one person that should be there to comfort him and keep him safe. her love has become conditional on the state of his eyesight.

and then she tells him he can't go? he's not a fucking child. he's a full grown man and he was just told to do things while he still can see at least a little. i told my mom the exact part of the plot and her response was "well fuck her, he's gotta go." you're god damn right he does, mom.

everything Night does feels like repentance. i need know what the story is, i need to know what caused this massive fissure between them. i don't want to comment or speculate too much but at this point i can no longer condemn Night. he's trying, he's clearly trying so fucking hard, and he clearly has so much love for his brother.

and him giving Mhok money and letting him and Day escape because he knows Day will be happier? i really hope that is a step in the right direction of mending whatever was broken between them. there are only four episodes left and i hope bare minimum half of them deal with what is going on here.

The sea remains the sea. The sand remains the sand. The sky remains the sky. Though I can't see, everything remains the way it is.

and here we are. being diagnosed with a disability is a massive change in our lives, a huge hurdle we have to climb, but at the end of the day the world still turns, life still goes on, and we can either go with it or remain stagnant. this is the culmination of everything Mhok has shown Day. Mhok has constantly brought Day out to participate in life, to learn how to navigate the world that remains unchanged. while Day's world has changed it remains the same in so many ways. this is such a beautiful moment of acceptance and peace, of healing and moving past the hurt. once again, i am so proud of Day.

he's going to be okay.

i've seen others mention it but fuck this once again drove home how soft and caring Mhok is, something that's been so constant in this episode from his willingness to help Day, to the keychains, to the escape, and now this. this little act of asking for permission, of giving Day permission, of almost asking Day 'will you kiss me?' and then Day does. Day gives Mhok the first kiss initiated by him. until now it's always been Mhok but this time Day reaches out to Mhok in this gritty, sand filled kiss. (disgusting but still lovely)

and this really drove home how safe Day feels with Mhok. they're somewhere completely new and unpredictable but he suggests they drink and participate in the party - and i love that he doesn't ask for permission but rather says 'why not?' because Mhok has never made him feel like he needs to ask for things, not things he's fully capable of deciding for himself.

and they do! they act like the young adults they are and have an amazing night of just fun and laughter and love and i fucking love that for them. how many times have we seen Day get to act his age and be carefree? it's remarkably telling how free Day feels the further he gets from home, how free his love is when he isn't worried about his family. when he's away from home Day really becomes the sun.

(also i think i might make shirts like this with my husband as a fun activity because that's really cute.)

i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm fine. (i'm lying.) the amount of love they have from here on is almost palpable. the fact that Mhok takes the time to tell Day he looks good, that he's admiring him. fuck. it makes me think of just a bit before, where we see Day linger with his fingers against the mirror. Day hasn't seen his own reflection in over a year, he has no idea what he looks like anymore. he won't get to see the way age changes him, won't get to see the wrinkles and laugh lines form on his face.

but Mhok will be there to tell him, to say how handsome he is, and without fully seeing Mhok Day will know he is equally as handsome because he knows Mhok's voice, his character, and sure he knows what everyone has said about Mhok's appearance but who he is has always been more important.

and then for them to essentially say their own vows in the light of the setting sun? oh, my loves.

Day is starting a new chapter in the book of his life, a new chapter with Mhok and hope and confidence. he's taking back control and paving his own way and no matter what comes he'll face it head on.

i started crying here and didn't stop, P'Aof please i'm sending you bills not for my therapy but for all the water i have to buy to rehydrate myself from all my tears. once again, fucking hell i'm so proud of Day.

and he tells them to have a kid soon! so he can help raise it!! just like he'll probably help raise Porjai's kid. because he no longer sees himself as incapable, as someone unable to help. Mhok has shown him how capable he is, how much he can still do.

please allow me a moment to - AAAAAAAAA.

personally i cannot wait for all the gifsets we're going to see of this moment. they danced so perfectly together because they know each other. Mhok knows Day better than anyone else, they've gone through so much, and they move so intrinsically together. i'd say they know each other better than anyone else but there's still so much of Mhok left unexplored. there's so much Day still doesn't know, so much pain Mhok is still hiding.

i can't wait for them to truly know each other inside and out (not like that, but hey it looks like we're getting that next ep eeeyy)

i'm not really going to comment on the dad showing up at the end. i feel almost nothing about that, i'm just waiting to see how that turns out and reserving my opinions for now. (i had a shit dad, i'm a little bais.)

man, i'd hoped this would be brief with how raw i was feeling and how busy i am with work but GUESS NOT. thanks for reading as always tag loves: @nutcasewithaknife @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious

[deathsbestgirl]

for the least favorite eps: Arcadia, PVB

okay let's go!!!

arcadia.

i watched this one last night and i felt like i had nothing to say. generally speaking, i think a few others have talked about it better than i can lol and they've kind of covered why i love it! and for me, i really have to step back from the general fandom view of it. this is one i have to look at the broader context of season six. if you just watch arcadia, i don't think it hits right at all. (also i think i need to dig into other episodes it reminds me of, but that might be a later separate post. we'll see. usually the connections i find make me love an episode more.)

season six is at one time one of the most msr seasons but also so tense. in the end, diana fowley shows up and it twists scully inside. this woman she knew nothing about, who was there when mulder found the x files & worked on them with him, who's been with him in the way she never has, and she shares mulder's beliefs. right into fight the future, where she may be absent but shes heavily impacting scully. to the point she's ready to walk away, believing mulder doesn't need her & she's only held him back. he gives her this whole speech, telling her how important she is to him, she saved him, made him a whole person. they almost kiss, before everything shatters & she nearly dies. but she's drawn back in. in the beginning, mulder's mad that that she couldn't hand over proof to the fbi, that she won't believe and she clings to what he told her in his hallway.

season six is very tropey, but most of it is also erased, they don't remember the events of dreamland or monday, triangle is a dream/the past. arcadia specifically, is taking a trope fandom usually makes fun or to bring two characters together, and uses it more like mulder & scully are working out some issues.

as kae says, mulder is peak annoying. almost insufferable. but it's these moments that tell us a lot. mulder says at the beginning that 'this isn't an x file.' he's not thrilled with the assignment, he's excited to get back to their work. scully disagrees, tells him 'it's unexplained,' and teases him. but it's tense. i think at other times it would have just been. funny. but he's making marriage jokes, 'not taking the case seriously,' and taking jabs at scully about 'fitting in here' — which is actually misunderstanding what it is that she really wants.

scully was also excited to get back to their work. she was just as bored without the x files, especially with the work they were forced to do. and maybe she did want to 'play house' but i think mulder ruined any fun she was having and her walls went up. so she started being annoying too lol

i love that this episode is tense, a little angsty. but their work partnership is still intact, even if a little strained. they go about their investigation in a fairly typical way, although mulder just tries to piss off the neighbors thinking this is simply human for most of it. i honestly love the way he tries to shake up the neighborhood. it's similar to mr. kline and is ultimately what got him & his wife killed. so he's on the right track (what a surprise). (and even when scully's right that it's an x file, i don't think she's right about anything else lol so classic.)

i always really liked @randomfoggytiger 's mulder analysis & this post lol, and i love the way kae connected the theme of this episode to a common theme running through the show.

i think fandom tends to view this through an msr lens, and not that isn't but it isn't the very in love & together phase of season seven episodes. it's them figuring out how to get there. not understanding what the other thinks or wants, what a relationship between them would like, or what it would mean for their work.

now for some scene specifics that i LOVE.

i love the way mulder reflects the man murdered in the beginning. mr. klein? is so fed up with the ccnrs & the uniformity. he's annoyed by win painting his mailbox. he's excited to get that weird lawn ornament. his wife is very accepting of his bothers, though she doesn't seem to care personally. it's just. it's very reflective of m+s through this episode.

and THIS moment. the way scully puts her hands up to be like 'okay enough, back off.' it's so funny. like. mulder & scully are affectionate. but it's mostly gazing, lower back / arm touches, hand holding...hugging is rare, it's reserved for deeply emotional & vulnerable moments. not just because. but here they have to. and i think that's uncomfortable for them even as they're soaking it up.

then after they're all moved in, as soon as they're alone:

this part says to me they were excited (personally) for this case, at the very beginning they're having a great time. i think scully is even amused by his "honeymoon" tape joke & his (bad) sandwich joke, i love when she throws the gloves at him lol

it's also just funny to me to see how they play these roles. like they just aren't good at it, they're not very subtle. but these people don't know them so it works. the neighbors are overly friendly and overly concerned, and mulder & scully are trying to find out why but they're not the easiest group to crack. despite the intense fear & worry cami clearly feels.

i also think this episode sets mulder up as a house husband, which is soooo fitting. i actually think this is closer to what he talks about in home than he's willing to think about. it's got a small town feel, close knit community, safety. it's just ... extremely suburban with too many rules. and he likes breaking rules atp more than following them. and this time, it actually is his job to break them. this was a perfect case for mulder, with or without the monster angle.

i think i've said this before in other season six talk, but from the moment i saw someone talk about how m+s don't have a blueprint for their relationship, it's the lens i see season six through completely. they start trying to communicate more clearly, not well but they're getting closer. here they're in a very particular limbo (especially after two fathers/one son), where neither of them can deny their feelings (but scully's are "the problem"), and their trust & partnership has been tested. agua mala was about reaffirming their trust & partnership and some off the clock bonding. arcadia is their first on the clock test, which undercover as a married couple is probably also kind of a nightmare for them given their circumstances lol

BUT GENUINELY they were both enjoying it at the beginning, and they have different moments throughout where one is and the other isn't.

one particular thing i love is the way scully puts up boundaries. because i think after a few jokes, and mulder telling her she fits in perfectly...she feels she has to. mulder isn't ready and he doesn't understand, it makes her retreat.

like after mulder sees the monster...scully asks him if he cares to hear what she thinks. he pauses, looking at her, before he tells her "always." they really getting back into step with each other but after hurt & confusion, all the tension...it takes time. they need to hit certain beats to get there and i think this episode does that very well. the moment when mulder thinks scully's been attacked by the creature, that he's about to find her eviscerated. it before that when he's searching the hole they dug, and she comes out speaking quietly & gently, telling him to come in and "call it a night." this is so domestic and partnerly it kinda kills me. he really does always listen. scully is the only person who can pull him back, keep him grounded. and she always give him the space to explore his theories and she investigates them seriously.

the way mulder is terrified when he sees the door and walks into the house. it's every time he's almost lost her flashing before his eyes again, not that long after tithonus. after he could have died in agua mala, before they even patched things up. to me, agua mala, arcadia & alpha build up to milagro, open the door for the unnatural & field trip. it's the perfect set up for biogenesis, the sixth extinction and amor fati. the final hurdle mulder needed. all of these things slowly build scully's confidence back up so that she's ready too. even though she still won't make the first move.

[air--so--sweet]

TUA Season 4 Spoilers

So...they released deleted scenes for season 4.

Ah yes, let's delete the important character moment between Luther and Diego despite it bringing their series arc full circle, from rivals, to brothers, and acrually shows someone react to finding out how Brn died, who needs to see Klaus' relapse having actually motivation like being having to deal with actual ghosts (I'm guessing we would have seen said ghosts but as this is deleted the VFX weren't added, except for the one he walked through so we understood what was happening), and we drefinitrly don't need to see actual resolution to his story that aldo resolves his entire series arc. Nope they all should be removed. But repeated Baby Shark scenes and a overly long not at all funny, just incredibly gross scene of them all vomiting, no that can stay in.

It's not quite as egregious as the HIMYM deleted scene from the finale but it's close... Also, while I disagree with them removing the scene wgere Robin tells Ted she still has feeling for him, HIMYM had the excuse of having a network TV slot to fit into, TUA, is on streaming and, while we did get some of their longest episodes this season, they were no where near as long as the longest episodes of shows we've seen on streaming. And it's not like these scenes are incredibly long either.

And don't get me wrong, I don't think these scenes would have saved the show. The ghosts scene still feels too brief and he'd already fought with Allison and acted like relapse was a foregone conclusion, but it least acknowledged that dealing with ghosts was why he used drugs in the first place. And Klaus at AA definitely has more of comedic tone than I'd like, it falls into the same trap as a lot of this season of telling over showing, and I don't love Claire and Allison randomly walking in part way through for no reason. However, it has Klaus taking accountability, admitting he's an addict, that fear has stopped him living, and has him realising he can still be those things, he can be an imperfect, fallable, messy human, and be worthy and deserving of love and he doesn't have to do everything alone (which also links back to what he said at the start of the season about Claire liking the version if him who's sober and scared). Literally wrote a fix it scene last night thst deals with these very themes, because we don't see them in the show, so it's even more infuriating to know they were dealt with and left out. And yes Klaus erasing himself a few hours later does render his growth pointless but I'd still rather see the growth rather than not have it at all.

The Ben scene isn't needed (and is very funny to watch without VFX so when he sees his reflection it's just two stand ins in mocap suits 😂) but it could have been a cool scene. The scene of Klaus and Lila's relatives is fun but a bit on the nose I think. Also, finding out Klaus is almost 3 years sober, not actually 3 years sober- makes his lines about being sober for the first time in his life even more frustrating because, I was letting it slide they were ignoring Dallas since he was at least sober for the same amount of time as he was in the '60s, but turns out he's not, he's been sober for less time. Great...

[stranger-angel0401]

You Should Hate Me

Pairing: Soren x Reader

Description: Soren and reader share a night together before the final battle

CW: None, I think?

No pronouns used for reader, no use of y/n

Okay okay I KNOW this is super similar to another one I've written and YES I can't stop writing the night before the final battle but I love that episode sm ok this is the last one (it's probably not)

When Ezran appeared back at the top of the Storm Spire riding a dragon, you hadn’t expected him to bring company. You wouldn’t even have paid attention if he hadn’t cried out.

“Callum, Rayla! We need your help!”

As Ezran dismounts the dragon, another figure slides off its back and falls to the floor. The person has overgrown blonde hair, and light stubble. He is wearing a full suit of armor, and he is gasping for air.

“...Soren?”

“This guy again?”

Rayla glares at him, and Callum steps forward. 

“What’s Soren doing here?”

“Stop asking questions, help him!”

Ezran’s scolding kicks Callum into gear.

“Oh right, breathing!”

You step back as he performs the breathing spell, and Soren gasps for air. He takes a moment to orient himself, looking wildly around the room. It’s not until his eyes land on you that he finds his words.

“I-is this the afterlife?”

It’s so stupid, and so incredibly Soren-like, and you want to rush over to him, but you don’t. After all, you’re still angry with him for choosing Viren, right?

Rayla rolls her eyes, and Callum sighs.

“No, it’s still just..the life. Still. You’re alive.”

When you finally speak, your voice comes out softer than you intend.

“What are you doing here?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Soren had revealed Viren’s latest actions, you’d found yourself needing a moment. Your head was spinning, both from the info-dump, and from Soren being here to begin with, so you’d retreated to the pinnacle. You sit with your legs dangling over the edge, crying softly. You’re doomed, you’ve decided. Your friends, Zym, Xadia. You nearly fall off the mountain when a voice from behind you pulls you out of your thoughts.

“Hey.”

At the sound of Soren’s voice, you quickly wipe your face, attempting to appear angry, or at least indifferent. The last time you’d seen Soren, he’d been bedridden, unable to walk. But you’d had time to reflect since then. Time to reflect on how he’d chosen his father over you. How could you blame him?

“You’re walking.”

Your tone is dry, but you allow him to sit beside you. He keeps a small distance at first, testing the waters.

“Yeah, uh- Claudia.”

Honestly, what did you expect? How else would this ‘miracle’ have happened?

“And what terrible acts did she commit for that to happen?”

He stays silent for a moment, and you grimace.

“S-sorry.”

“No, you’re right. She uh- she wouldn’t tell me. I think it was pretty bad. Turned part of her hair white.”

You nod. He shifts uncomfortably, and the two of you sit in silence for a few minutes. You startle him when you finally speak.

“Soren, why are you here? Why didn’t you go home? You could’ve gone back to the castle, avoided the entire battle. Instead you’re here. Why?”

He inhales deeply and starts fiddling with his fingers.

“I’m a crown guard. I have to protect the king. The true king. Plus, I- I needed to see you again. I needed to tell you that I’m so sorry for letting you walk away alone, and for what happened with the dragon, and everything in between. You- you’re all I have left, and I understand if you hate me, but I needed to see you.”

You don’t respond, you can’t find the words to. Instead, you allow your hand to find his own, barely letting the tips of your fingers touch his. He hesitates at first, but slowly lays his own hand over yours, and you don’t retreat. You relish in the warmth, his large hand enveloping your own, and you sit in the silence together. At some point, you find your head dropping against his shoulder. He tenses for a moment, afraid to move, before slowly wrapping an arm around your shoulders. You let him. He doesn’t speak, but his thumb rubbing soft circles against your back says everything it needs to, for now. 

That night, Callum and Rayla declare that everyone should rest before the battle. Despite your best efforts, you find yourself doing anything but. Tossing and turning, and stressing about what tomorrow will bring. After what you think must be an hour, you leave your makeshift bed, frustrated. You’d chosen to sleep on the pinnacle, mainly for privacy, but now the isolation is getting to you. You sigh as you sit on the edge once again, refusing to wake anyone else. The silence of the night surrounds you, until the sound of footsteps approaches behind you. You stand, quickly grabbing your sword, ready to attack. That is, until you see Soren. He’s wearing pajamas, and he looks scared. The sight shocks you a little, and your sword clatters to the ground.

“Sorry! I’m sorry! I thought-”

“Relax, it’s okay. I didn’t mean to startle you, I don’t blame you though.”

You should’ve expected this. As it was, Soren had insisted on sleeping at the bottom of the steps to the pinnacle, insisting that if anyone wanted to get to you, they’d go through him first. You motion towards your makeshift bed, not making eye contact.

“It uh- it’s a little chilly up here.”

Soren nods and sits down, waiting for you. When you join him, he wraps the blanket around your shoulders, making sure you’re taken care of before himself.

“I’m sorry for scaring you. I just- I couldn’t sleep. Knowing that my dad is bringing an army here..it’s scary, you know? And- and it feels like my fault.”

You shake your head.

“It is not your fault, Soren. It is scary though. I..couldn’t sleep either.”

Soren shivers lightly, and you lean against him, attempting to share your blanket.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be keeping you up. I can uh- head back to my bed.”

You pause for a moment, but when he starts to stand you grab his arm.

“Stay with me?”

He looks at you for a moment, and how can he say no when you’re looking at him like that? He nods and sits down, pausing awkwardly. You hesitate for a moment before gently pushing against his chest until he starts to lay down. You lie next to him, and find yourself nose to nose with him, sharing a pillow. It’s not the first time you’ve laid together. When you were younger you’d sneak into each others’ quarters nearly every night, but long gone were the days of sleeping on each others’ bedroom floors. One night he’d insisted you lay with him, and it had quickly evolved into a nightly event. One of you would sneak to the other’s room and crawl into bed with them, before you’d fall asleep in Soren’s arms. You’d never been awake to see the way he’d look at you, how sometimes he’d stay awake all night to make sure you were still breathing, still with him. You were always worth the bags under his eyes. 

It doesn’t take Soren long to pull you into his arms, but he starts out slow, unsure of where your relationship stands. You understand he’s giving you an out to tell him that you’re uncomfortable, that you don’t want this. Instead, you surprise him by pulling him closer, tucking your head under his chin and burying your face against his shoulder. He tenses, just like earlier, but only waits a few seconds before tightening his grip on you. It’s silent for a few minutes, until Soren sniffles, and you realize your hair is damp under his chin. You pull away from his chest to look at his face, and his eyes are red with tears. You reach up to touch his cheek and he flinches away before allowing himself to melt into your gentle touch. A tenderness he only receives from you.

“Soren, what’s wrong? Is it your dad? We’re gonna beat him, I know we will.”

He shakes his head.

“I just- I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, and- and I thought if I did..you’d hate me. You should hate me. But instead you’re here, in my arms, and I just- I promise, I’ll never let anything bad happen to you. I’ll never hurt you again.”

You brush a strand of hair out of his face, and you want to cry at how he flinches. You wonder what Viren has done to him. You continue to run your fingers through his hair. It’s greasy and dirty, a symbol of how long he’s been on his own, all to get to you. 

“Soren, I could never hate you. You piss me off sometimes, but I’ll never hate you.”

He removes a hand from your waist, gently resting it on your cheek. It feels like when you were young teenagers breaking the rules, yet so much more than that. You stare into each other's eyes for what feels like hours, until you find yourselves leaning closer to each other. Your lips finally meet, and you feel Soren communicating everything he’s never been able to say. 

I’m sorry.

You’re everything to me.

I’ll never leave you again.

When he pulls away, he looks nervous, as if he’s scared he’s ruined everything again. But instead of scolding him or pushing him away, you hug him tightly and hide your face in his chest. You inhale his scent and realize you’ll never get enough of it, of him. You’ll never get enough of feeling his touch and seeing the way he looks at you. You understand that tonight has changed you both forever, but that is a conversation that can wait until after the world is saved. And long after you fall asleep in his arms, Soren lies awake, relishing in the way he can feel your soft breath against his neck. He swears to every primal source individually that he will protect you from whatever may come, that he will gladly lay down his life if it means you survive, and he does not regret the lack of sleep that comes in the morning. 

[waitmyturtles]

HYPERBOLIC SPOILERS FOR THE PHENOMENAL SECOND EPISODE OF OS2 x BBS x ATOTS

Can I feel so much in just one sitting?! Besides the UTTER giddiness of yesterday’s episode, at least for today, I think I have some actual, sensible, legible analysis to offer. I’m really moved, almost to tears.

I mean, as I blogged just a few minutes ago, part 4/4 of this second episode WILL go down in history in my heart as OBVIOUSLY some of the BEST, most STUNNING content in the HISTORY of anatomical and muscular analysis filmmaking. Yes. 

I’m seeing on Twitter some grumpiness for the comedy of this all (the girlies want more woop woop?! I mean?!), but I seriously think this whole crossover set up and the way it’s been written is brilliant. And I don’t think this is just for fun. 

But first, regarding the comedy and some other one-off points -- I mean, I knew that all four of these guys would be great, but their comedic TIMING, with the writing, is spectacular. They clearly had a FANTASTIC time filming this, and you can see it -- while they didn’t have much time to actually film it, it’s so well done.

I really want to call it, I really want to see it, I wanna see more subverting of the ships, and I wanna see these guys do more with each other separately -- I’m excited to see the implications of OhmEarth and NanonMix next week, and I think that Aof might be making a huge point by separating these guys, pairing them up together with others, and mixing shit up, because that’s what he does (especially while I have He’s Coming to Me on the mind soon on my OGMMTVC watchlist). 

Another one-off point: like I wrote yesterday, we’re getting a double-dose of nostalgia, and I also wrote that I haven’t had to wait NEARLY as long as most of y’all for the return of BBS and ATOTS. But that being said, even though I only watched ATOTS last fall, I actually literally nearly cried when I saw the ATOTS flashbacks and heard the music. Because the way that show was designed in 2021 (I got so much OGMMTVC on my mind) -- those motifs WERE designed to imprint themselves in our memories as remarkable for a kind of cinematic, bildungsroman BL that we weren’t used to seeing back then. That show was nostalgic not JUST for the damn ship, but for Pha Pun Dao, for Chiang Mai, for the Thailand that Aof celebrates vis à vis EarthMix in ATOTS and Moonlight Chicken. 

It’s gorgeous, and he knows what he’s doing by putting PatPran in that mix -- another couple at a different stage of their relationship, with a background and shared struggles that are different than TianPhupha’s, but that still offer both freshness AND nostalgia to the backbone story of ATOTS.

What’s moving me about these first two episodes reflects on what I just wrote -- this is no longer a story about Bad Buddy or ATOTS. This is a story about two couples going through their shit. Pat and Pran have ALWAYS been about going through their shit. We went through a A LOT of SHIT with them, including forward flashes after they graduated and seeing how they were faring in their long-distance relationship. 

Remember: we haven’t spent ANY time with Tian and Phupha in their relationship yet, ABSOLUTELY NONE. They smooched once on the hill, we saw them cuddle, and Oishii sent us off. So we’re JUST finding out, NOW, how they’re faring, and we get thrown in a fight.

A fight that’s similar to the kinds of struggles that Pat and Pran have already shown us and are showing us now. Tian wants Phupha to see a slice of HIS life in Bangkok. Tian wants Phupha to yield a little, to stop being so stubborn. 

Pat wants Pran to open up more. Pat KNOWS why Pran keeps everything so close to the chest. Pat is SO USED to being the balancing effect of their relationship, to push forward, to pull back, but to ALWAYS HOLD PRAN DOWN AND REMAIN AS PRAN’S ROCK, because Pran has not had the same kind of large family structure as Pat could rely on in his childhood and doesn’t know how to take emotional risks. Pat knows this and works hard on balancing it out.

But Pat can go overboard, right, and that’s partly why Pran drove away to Pha Pun Dao -- to prove to himself that he could complete this project on his own, but also, flirtingly, knowing that Pat would ultimately be by his side, and to play the competitive games that these guys always play with each other, because they’re still college dudes with bones to pick. 

What we’re seeing is BOTH COUPLES FINDING THEMSELVES IN THEIR MATURING GROWTH STAGES OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS. 

Hello, mic check, there’s something happening here in Our Skyy 2. WHAT HAPPENED IN THE ECLIPSE EPISODES?

Same damn thing, the same damn thing that pissed the girlies off before. WE’RE SEEING AWLLLLLL THESE GUYS IN THE GROWTH STAGES OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS. Akk was frustrated by all the expressions of care that Ayan is overabundant with. Ayan WANTS Akk to RECEIVE the care, because the RECEPTION OF CARE IS the signal, the trigger, the MEANING of the relationship for Ayan -- it tells Ayan, when I care for you, Akk, I AM SHOWING YOU MY LOVE FOR YOU, and that’s how *I* DEMONSTRATE IT.

Tian: Phupha, come with me to Bangkok.

Pran: Pat, let me do this by myself.

Akk: Ayan, I don’t need as much care as you’re giving me, it’s too much.

Phupha: You’re making only about me being madly in love with you.

Pat: I want to help you, my boyfriend.

Ayan: This is how I show my love for you, Akk. 

Y’all. Aof, Golf, these filmmakers. QUEER RELATIONSHIPS ARE RELATIONSHIPS THAT DESERVE THE INVESTMENT AND RESPECT OF EMOTION AND GROWTH IN ART. Not all queer art/BLs need to be about the thrills and frills of the first kiss, of the first sex, of the first whatever. We’re expecting these guys to live together forever in fiction, right? Aof and Golf and the other homies are saying -- kk, girlies, we’ll give you the fan service, alright, but we’re going to show you HOW WE, AS THE QUEER COMMUNITY, DURING PRIDE, GET THERE IN OUR OWN RELATIONSHIPS, TOO, messy details and all. Shit.

Here’s something from reality. I’m the youngest girl of my Indian family -- I was not equal to my older siblings at all, expected to fail, treated as if I didn’t know how to function in society. Y’all can predict what happened. Your gal got a great career, a great family, a husband, the whole thing.

So when I first met my husband, I’m riding my life on my own -- paying my own rent, my own bills, everything. I had already proved I didn’t need my birth family for anything.

But what I didn’t consider during those first years of the relationship was the following: my future husband’s love language was dependence. He was certainly IMPRESSED by dating a woman who had her shit together. BUT. He WANTED me to DEPEND on him, AT LEAST emotionally, if not for other things. I wasn’t going to like, quit my job for a relationship, but -- I was ALSO having REAL trouble DEPENDING on him emotionally.

Like Pran, maybe. I didn’t trust trusting anyone emotionally, because that was a paradigm already created by my family in my upbringing. I had TRAINED myself to NOT need emotional feedback from ANYONE romantically, because I learned to survive in other ways.

Of course, with great communication AND TIME (TIME), I came around and learned to lean on him and trust him.

Aof and Golf are giving their couples the benefits of growth and time to make the relationships better, and stronger, and working, and functioning, and I can’t emphasize enough how REAL THIS IS. 

That’s what these episodes are giving me. I WANT TO SEE MORE BLs with established relationships (@bengiyo, @lurkingshan, @wen-kexing-apologist: WHAT DID YOU EAT YESTERDAY FTW). I want to see contextual heartache. I want to see fights. I want to see tears. I want to see snottiness and shittiness and passive aggression, because all of that is worth examining in human emotional art. 

That’s real, that’s worth reflecting in art, and I see Aof and Golf doing this on purpose to give RESPECT to the emotional structures that they’ve created in their work. 

I’m having so much fucking fun with these episodes, but I should have expected this, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, that Aof would already render me an emotional mess as well. It always happens. That it’s happening to our BELOVED COUPLES, AT THE START OF PRIDE, I’m just like. We’re just so blessed to have this art to enjoy.

[stars-n-spice]

So, this is it, huh?

I figured the least I could do was write something down before shit goes down because I know after tomorrow I don't think I'll be emotionally available to do or say much about the show and what it and the fanbase means to me.

The last few days, my mind has been a whirlwind of emotions and I don't think I've ever really suspended my disbelief since it was announced that this would be the last season.

I felt like Po honestly, in Kung Fu Panda 2, when he's like "But I just got Kung Fu!" when they're talking about Lord Shen making that weapon that straight-up kills people who practice Kung Fu (I'm going somewhere with this just bear with me-) because I'm fairly new to the animated shows of Star Wars fandom and didn't start hyperfixating on Bad Batch until midway through Season 2 while those episodes were still releasing.

So when they announced that the 3rd season was the final season I was devastated. "What do you mean no more Bad Batch? I just got Bad Batch!" - I didn't want to believe it.

But here we are. Final season. Final episode.

I can't describe how the obsession started. It just did.

When the first season was coming out, I was still on Season 6 of TCW, so I got into it a little late. Then when it was over I immediately jumped into watching Rebels and became utterly obsessed with that show while Bad Batch just stayed, "Oh, neat show I watched."

Then the second season came out. I don't know how or when or why but suddenly something just went off in my brain and I became obsessed. I became attached. I fell in love with Wrecker in a way that I've never once felt or experienced towards any other fictional character, or person for that matter. I grew to understand Crosshair on a deeper level that made my heart ache for him and made me reflect on my own past and choices. Echo became a comfort character and an anchor in my life in where he's the first thing I think of when I'm down to put myself in a better mood. Suddenly I was ready to give Omega the universe and everything good in it. Tech became a lifelife (ironically) a hope that despite how I am and who I am, I'm capable of loving and being loved. And recently I've become so incredibly attached to Hunter because as the oldest child of five as well, I know that crushing weight of responsibility. Of failing your siblings. Of trying to be better.

This squad. This family. Cheesy as it is, I can't describe what they mean to me but Force, I'll try.

Recently I've been wondering why I'm so attached to this show and these characters. Jokingly, part of it is yes, the Bad Batch are lovely to look at and that does play a role in why I enjoy watching the show so much, but that's not completely it.

I think I speak for a lot of us fans when I say that I didn't fit in as a kid. I still don't even as an 'adult.' Look, I'm a biracial guy from two VERY different cultures that don't feel like home to me. On top of that, half of the time I don't know how to identify myself in gender and sexuality because I don't feel either most of the time. I'm introverted. I have anxiety. I probably have autism. I'm a burnt-out former gifted kid. I quite simply don't fit in.

"No, I'll stay. You guys don't fit in here either."

That? Yeah.

This show is for all those kids. Everyone who never fit in. Everyone who was told they were strange or weird, for the kids who ate glue in the back of the classroom, who were told they were too loud, who were put down because they didn't express emotion a certain way, for the kids who sat alone at lunch, who got left behind in their friend groups, for the kids who felt like they had no one so turned to harmful things, for the kids who were told they were special only to be discarded later in life, for the kids who don't know their place, don't know where they fit in and if they even do or ever will.

It's a show that tells those kids you're more than that. You're worth it. You're worth loving. You're worth protecting. You're worth the second chance. You're worth being loyal to. You're worth teaching. You're worth forgiving. You're worth it. You're worth it. You're worth it.

In the end there's hope for us. There's hope for all of us. And I think that's why I cling to tightly to this show. Why it means so much to me. Why I so desperately need these characters to make it out alive.

It's what Star Wars was from the start. About hope. About family. About loving and being loved and learning to love despite your circumstances. It's a show that took a bunch of neurodivergent absolute daddies and packed in so much angst but also feel-good moments with stunning animation, beautiful, moving music, and phenomenal voice acting. It's a show I can't help but love and love immensely because it feels like it was written for me.

For that kid who spent their recesses with their nose buried in an animal encyclopedia or talking to imaginary characters from their favorite books. For that kid who always felt so utterly useless and hopeless whenever they got less than an A- for a grade because they were supposed to be the gifted one. For the kid who struggled so much to be the older sibling they never asked to be. For the kid who just wants to find someone, anyone, who will love them as they are and fight for them. For the kid who valued loyalty above all else, always has, always will, and never gets it in return. For the kid who never fit in.

And well, whatever happens in the finale, I'm so grateful, so blessed, and so honored to have been a part of this journey with all of you.

[carnelianwings]

Went and saw Gundam Seed Freedom in theatre last night, I have so many thoughts about it (as you'd expect for a long time fan - I've been waiting for this movie ever since they announced it), there will be spoilers behind the cut, but the spoiler free highlights:

This movie is everything I ever wanted out of a Gundam Seed movie - the characters, the mecha, the OST, the cast, everything. It is as much a continuation of Cosmic Era as it is a celebration of Cosmic Era at its best, there's so much love put into this movie I can genuinely say I enjoyed every minute of it from the beginning to the end. My one and only nitpick is that they recasted Cagalli, but Mori Nanako does a fantastic job, so much so I don't have anything negative to say about her performance. (More on this behind the cut below, as I will delve into spoilers.)

Story pacing was actually really good here, in that there's no true retread/recap of both Seed and Seed Destiny. The movie assumes you've seen both, and while you could arguably get away with a cliff's notes version of Seed Destiny (even I know how much of a Base Breaker it is from watching it as it aired in Japan), if you sat through it you're rewarded between the shout outs and extra emotional impact from some of the scenes. There's a few brief clips of flashbacks to the prior series, but to me they feel like they're providing context (as you don't get to hear the characters' inner thoughts the same way you would out of a manga or a novel of the same story).

The animation just looked so good on the big screen, even the CGI used for the Gundams (like they've been doing in the newer Gundam series) looked fantastic. So smooth, no stock footage, you can tell where they made obvious homage shots to the original, but they're clearly redone for the movie. It was a feast for the eyes, in more ways than one.

The OST is fantastic, the way Sahashi wove the various melodies from songs past and present were a delight to the ears. I particularly love how he kept using various melody lines from Shizuka na Yoru ni as a way to musically reflect Lacus's journey and arc through the movie - just a line or two of the main melody, sometimes shifted into minor key, sometimes intertwined with another character's theme (usually whoever she's interacting with at that moment). There's also some glorious reprisals from both Seed and Seed Destiny, all rearranged to give it a grander, more spectacular sound to match the on-screen spectacle. Definitely one of Sahashi's best works, and I'm really happy they brought him back for it. Also, if at all possible - don't listen to the OST before seeing the movie. It will spoil key moments for the final battle, especially if you know which themes are used where.

Now, onto spoiler territory.

First and foremost, I really feel like Seed Freedom manages to redeem Seed Destiny as a whole. My biggest complaint in Seed Destiny is and always has been that Shinn's redemption happens in 5 minutes in an epilogue that was added on in an extended cut - I loved the idea and potential of Shinn as something of a Villain Protagonist early on, and even as we watched him spiral further and further into his grief and anger throughout Seed Destiny, the fact we never got to see what redemption and atonement meant for him was something of a sore point. One of the things I love is a good redemption arc, where the character learns from mistakes they made and improves themselves as a person, as an individual, and we finally get to see that here in Seed Freedom.

Shinn finally gets to do what he really wanted to when he enrolled into the academy, and under Kira's command he shines. For a character that was so heavily defined by his grief and anger for 50 episodes, he's done a 180 here, putting in the work and effort to turn his life around - we get more scenes of him smiling and eagerly working to help Kira as part of the team in COMPASS than angrily scowling or yelling at someone. He's finally found someone he can look up to and work towards being; it's clear he looks up to Kira as something of a role model, both as a goal and commanding officer, and has been rewarded accordingly as the pilot of the Immortal Justice. He's a lot calmer now, long gone are his days fighting for glory on the battlefield, he puts a priority on COMPASS's main mission of intervention and protecting civilians (so much so he'll voluntarily use Immortal Justice's shield to protect them over keeping it to defend himself). But it's not to say his past is completely forgotten or even retconned away - he gets called the Freedom Killer multiple times here (largely as a way to get at Kira too) and while Shinn never denies having been that person, his reaction shows he treats it as Old Shame, something he did but is no longer proud of.

And the true pay off to his arc comes in the end, when he gets reunited with the Destiny thanks to Cagalli upgrading it to the Spec II in the final stretch of the movie. He greets it like someone would greet an old friend, proudly and triumphantly launching this time to the fanfare of Seed Destiny's next episode preview bgm - it's hands down Shinn at his most heroic, and it's a moment he's earned. He's finally become the person he wanted to be at the beginning of Seed Destiny, before he let his grief and anger cloud his mind, before he was manipulated by Durandal. And in the end, his journey through the darkness that was his time under Durandal's command become his strength, granting him a spectacular flawless victory over the Black Knights achieved through his own skills - Stella protects him from the Black Knights' Mind Control, and his instinctual berserker Seed Mode keeps them from reading his mind to predict his moves. It's after all the trials and pain he went through that he comes out at his absolute best, and the Seed Freedom version of Shinn is hands down the best version of him.

Character development aside, it's genuinely heartwarming to see a character that was so narrowly defined by his grief and anger to be the one who brings a lot of the light and levity in what's otherwise a fairly heavy movie. Seeing him as a Big Eater during the ball at Foundation, his entire reunion with Lunamaria after she thought he'd been KIA'ed in the joint operation on the Blue Cosmos base, him getting hit by both Kira and Athrun during their brawl (with neither of them noticing ^^;;) - he's come so far since his Seed Destiny days he's (and I can't believe I'm actually saying this) one of the major highlights of the movie. And then there's his smile at the end when Kira finally relies on him and his cheerful response.

And of course, I can't talk about Shinn without mentioning Lunamaria - they've both come a long way from their days at the ZAFT military academy (if you go off the prequel novel Moonlight Valkyrie) and even from their time on board the Minerva. You can tell there's genuine love and affection between them, mutually supporting each other both on and off the battlefield, between them sharing a room onboard the Millennium and the energy transfer moment between the Impulse and Destiny. There's even a clear moment of redemption for Lunamaria's shooting skills when she shoots down a tactical nuke in her Gelgoog. And while she's definitely not one of the main focus characters in the movie, she still gets her moment of triumph, launching in the Impulse once more after Shinn's Destiny. Even though she's relegated to the Designated Chick Fight, it's a moment of personal triumph for her - she's grown as a person since her academy days, her time on the Minerva and with Shinn and Rey has changed her, and she's a better person for it. Even her time pursuing Athrun (even though he doesn't return her affection at all) comes back as a Meaningful Echo in how she ultimately deals with Agnes. Instead of choosing to kill Agnes in her GYAN, Lunamaria does something of a "pay it forward", disabling the GYAN and returning to pick her up from the moon after the fighting is over. Like Shinn, it's clear Lunamaria's in a better place than she was during the finale of Seed Destiny, and she also gets to join in on some of the lighter moments of the movie next to Shinn.

Onto Kira (because I'm saving my favorites for last), who is most definitely the main focus of the movie, along with Lacus and his relationship with her. Is his story arc a rehash of Seed? In many ways yes, and in so many ways, no. On a surface level, sure - we once again have Kira trying to shoulder the entire burden of the team on himself, of trying to do everything without relying on anyone else, of pushing himself to his limits, and as icing on the retread cake, we're even treated to a CV Kuwashima Houko girl (Agnes) trying to get his attention and affections. And that's about where it ends, because Agnes' motivations are vastly different from Flay's, Kira's circumstances this time around are entirely different from when he was in Seed - this is more about Kira realizing he really doesn't have to shoulder everything by himself, that even if Lacus is a non-combatant, she's there to walk next to him side by side, that Lacus's love for him is completely different from Flay's (initial) love for him. For Kira, it's The Power of Love while also echoing Seed's earlier themes of how easy it is to fall into old habits and make the same mistakes again. It's about Kira finally breaking past his remaining trauma with his relationship with Flay - he finally realizes that Lacus wants to be with him for him, that she never expected him to hand her everything she wanted on a silver platter, that she's willing and ready to work and walk with him to their final goal and destination, wherever that may take them. His relationship with Lacus was never a transactional one like it was with Flay - even if Flay genuinely grew to love Kira in the end, her true feelings for him never managed to reach him before she dies. And in the end, once he realizes what he has with Lacus, once he gets a chance to talk to her and clear the air, he's rewarded with a shiny new upgrade to the Strike Freedom, Lacus voluntarily joining him in the battlefield, and of course, that ending on the beach.

As for the whole "Is Kira Yamato a failure because he was a failed Accord or just Orphee insisting that he is superior to even Coordinators as an Accord" debate, ultimately it doesn't matter (at least in terms of Kira's arc - on a meta level, yes I absolutely want to know lol). He's got the one thing Orphee will never have (Lacus's love) and with that behind him he can overcome anything.

Honestly, if this is where we end Kira's story, where he gets to go off into the sunset with Lacus, to live quietly in the middle of nowhere (or even return to Marshall Islands to stay with Reverend Malchio) where he doesn't have to fight anymore, where he can just spend his days with Lacus until there's some world-ending reason to step back into the cockpit, I'm good with that. Kira never wanted to be a mobile suit pilot to begin with, he only ever did it to defend the people he cares about, and if this is where we part ways with him, because in learning to rely on other people, he also realizes he can hand things off to Cagalli, Athrun, and Shinn (and by extension, Lunamaria), I'm good with that. (I'll get to Cagalli and Athrun after Lacus, I want to save my favorites for last lol)

Lacus always came off as a little too perfect, a little too good with her words, and with a Seed Mode that ... didn't activate like your traditional Seed Mode (for one thing, she never gets the Seed burst animation on screen when she goes into it; she almost always monologues her way in). And I have to say it was satisfying to see that crack some more this time around, where her decisions are a bit more questionable, where she's finally having to deal with some of the consequences of her actions (and by extension Kira's as he answers to her and only her within COMPASS). But ultimately in the end, she's still the same Lacus as ever - Silk Hiding (nerves of) Steel, steadfast in her love and support for Kira, something that nothing can change, not even meeting her genetically destined partner in Orphee. And yes, while even she gets in on the action this time, quite literally delivering the Proud Defender to Strike Freedom to upgrade it into the Mighty Strike Freedom, I don't really have much to say about her.

I will say this though (because it gets very indirectly touched on by Athrun) - if Lacus hadn't fallen in love with Kira, and had continued with her engagement to Athrun as set up by their parents, would she have gone with Orphee? Would that alone have changed events enough so that Athrun might've been conveniently KIA'ed so Orphee would've been able to sweep in?

Now, onto my personal favorites (and complete show stealers this time around): Athrun and Cagalli.

Where do I even begin? Athrun being a Big Damn Hero for Kira not once, but twice? Cagalli taking over Lacus's role for being Crazy Prepared, Bearer of (Gundam) Gifts this time around?? The complete insanity that is the Z'Gok hiding the Infinite Justice Type II??? The (remote) Battle Couple fight????

Cagalli's just pure Crazy Prepared this time. She's learned from the painful lessons of the past 4 years, ensuring there's a plan in place to get her people to safety, immediately issuing evacuation orders for the civilians to avoid direct orbital laser bombardment from Requiem. She's made peace with the fact that sometimes, you really do just need to hop into a Gundam to get shit done, so she's seen to it that the Gundams for the top COMPASS pilots are available should they ever need it. She's the one who came up with COMPASS in the first place, providing some much-needed legitimacy for what Kira and Lacus want to do. She's also very clearly been training with Athrun for mobile suit training - where she once Could Not Keep Up, she's able to seamlessly pilot the Infinite Justice Mark II remotely, a less advanced unit than Shura's Shi-ve.A, without Shura ever realizing it was someone else piloting it. She's back as the Goddess of Victory, now older and wiser and all the better for it.

For all that she hardly showed up on screen, her presence was felt everywhere, most especially whenever Athrun's on screen. Really, I wouldn't even be surprised if the next time we see Orb get threatened by Orbital (Laser) Bombardment, she tells her people to get inside to safety before turning on a shield to protect the cities and then taking the field again.

And as for Athrun - it makes sense he didn't join COMPASS, even though the fact he has a custom COMPASS pilot suit and the Immortal Justice was clearly designed with him in mind. He's found his place in Orb, staying by Cagalli's side as her personal knight. He's even got his own custom suit with the Z'Gok-hiding-the-Infinite-Justice-Mark-II - he's got everything he could ask for while still being able to do his part to maintain peace. And in a double redemption moment - Athrun's the first one to throw the punch this time when Kira starts wallowing in his self doubt and lets his insecurities get the better of him, repaying the favor Kira did back in Seed Destiny when he, well, Saviour'ed the Saviour. Athrun's the one to remind Kira that as a close friend of Lacus's that her actions this time don't sound like the Lacus that he knows, and this time (unlike when he did something similar with Shinn) it works and gets Kira back on track. Poor Shinn - he thinks Athrun's about to do the same thing to Kira that Athrun did to him during his time on the Minerva, but while Shinn's not entirely wrong, he's also misreading the room a bit, not realizing this is a "They're really good friends, and sometimes they just gotta throw some punches to work shit out" moment.

Because in overcoming everything that happened in Seed Destiny, Athrun and Cagalli have finally grown into the people they both want to be. They've found their way, fighting for what they both believe in. Their time apart in Seed Destiny forced them both grow as individuals, so that when we get to see them working together again it's in perfect sync. In so many ways, Athrun and Cagalli (and not Kira and Lacus) are the ideal the Cosmic Era wants to push - two people working together side by side, regardless of genetics, as partners and equals. The dream of Coordinators and Naturals, living and working side by side in harmony - that's them. And ultimately, it is what they do that brings the heroes victory and lets everyone fly off into the (metaphorical) sunset together. They played the long gambit - creating COMPASS (giving Shinn and Lunamaria a means to atone for the things they did, giving Lacus and Kira a legitimate way to stop skirmishes), upgrading the Gundams, being there for their friends and allies when they needed it (Athrun literally knocking sense back into Kira, Cagalli coming in with the equipment upgrades) - all while keeping their priorities in order (first the civilians, then reequipping allies, and then finally going into combat together to take down Shura), and it all pays off in the end.

Really, is it any wonder, then, when Shura tries to read Athrun's mind in the final battle he's just thinking of hot (naked) Cagalli?

[itsstrange]

You Are Only Human

Fandom: The Boys

Relationship: Billy Butcher x SupeReader

A/N: This was originally published on my IG like.. three months ago? And since I’m currently procrastinating on finishing requests I thought I’d leave this one for y’all 🫶 I tried adding a few things but nothing too crazy hope y’all like it! 💚

Also this is a semi-spoiler if y’all haven’t seen the latest season, but if you’ve seen it, then you’re good!

Summary: After taking Compound V as a last resort, it has not been easy on the Brute.

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: (Yes-ish) Panic Attacks, Comforting, Angst, Butcher being Butcher, Butcher Struggling, Butcher Takes Com V, Small confession, Kissing.

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Enjoy 💔

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Finding Butcher standing in front of a mirror, dark eyes glaring at his own reflection, shoulders tensed, hands gripping either side of the sink with sweat visibly sliding down his neck, was nothing new. It has become an everyday thing with the Brute, and since it has becoming a regular occurrence you were able to spot the problem from a mile away. Like now for instance, you were making your way through the building, eyes scanning through the manilla folder in your hands when you heard a sound coming from the beaten up bathroom. Following the sound, your feet come to a stop by the entrance when you see the Brute hunched in front of the sink, shoulders tensed and shaking, hands gripping the sink and knowing right away he was having another episode. A panic attack.

After taking Compound V as a last resort, it has not been easy on the Brute. Constant anxiety and panic attacks, uncontrollable rage, strength, would occur on a daily. Weeks. It has been going on for weeks and only seemed to get worse, or at least that’s how the man felt. Of course he never told you this, would hate to admit the truth to you, about how he can barely breathe sometimes, the fear that is constantly hanging on his shoulders, not fear of what he can do, but of what he can do to you. He didn’t want to hurt you, would definitely avoid you if he can, but you were always there, with him, through it all, guiding him.

He didn’t understand why he kept having these episodes, why it seemed harder to control when he didn’t find it difficult when he took the temporary V, was it because it was natural? Stronger? Permanent? These were questions he didn’t have answers for. Yet, he wouldn’t be in this fucking mess, hyperventilating in front of a goddamn mirror, that he just punched the shit out of, if he’d just listen to M.M. If he’d just stop being a fucking cunt. For once. He wouldn’t be feeling this burning feeling in his veins, the rapid heartbeat in his chest, the urge to just let go, he should’ve stopped. He should’ve Fucking stopped.

“Butcher..Control it,” You tell him with a firm tone, causing a shuddering exhale to leave the man’s mouth,

His orange beams continue to look at you through the shattered mirror, until he shuts his eyes tightly and lets his head hang low as he tries to breathe in and out. But each time he tried inhaling through his nose, just like you had taught him, he’d feel it getting caught in his throat, making the heaviness in chest stronger, making everything around him close in. Fuck. He definitely does not miss this, last time he had a panic attack this severe was when he came back home from the military, he was a total mess, but just like you, he had Becca at the time.

The sound of the sink cracking against his hands can be heard as his grip only tightens, he really couldn’t fucking breathe, it was getting harder by the minute, his eyelids were burning from the urge to just let go, and the anger that was becoming stronger was not helping.

“Butcher,” You try again as you take a step closer to him, but that only made his attack worse,

“Leave,” He harshly spits out, still trying to intake deep breaths, even if it sounds as if he gasping for air,

“Fight it,” You ignore him as you continue to push him, to try and get him to take control, he’s done it before, multiple times, he just needs to find his way to the wheel again,

“Fucking leave, (Y/n),” Please! He mentally begs you as he shakes his head,not wanting you to be next to him at the moment, fearing he was finally going to lose control and actually hurt you,

But you didn’t. You were still there, firmly demanding him to breathe, to grab ahold of the wheel, and that he was not alone. You made sure he knew he was not alone. You, out of anyone else knew what he was going through, you once were new with your abilities as well. Learning how to use and control them for the first time was definitely difficult, it was a challenge to keep them hidden, especially at school, not being able to use them against your bully to show them your not one to fuck with was definitely hard. Especially when you too struggled with anger, it only made it harder to control, but eventually, you learned to control it.

Standing right next to him you can see the way the sink begins to crack against his grip, hair damped with sweat, shoulders tensed and shaking as he tries to gather his breathing. It hurt you, just like any other day, to see him this way. It hurt to see him so vulnerable, insecure, scared, instead of his ruthless, brutal self. But, it just showed just how human he still was.

“I’m not going anywhere,” You tell him, finally meeting those bright, orange beam eyes of his, they glowed brightly at you as if to intimidate you, but all you saw was fear, all you saw was Butcher,

“Please. Get out,” Butcher finally begs you, glowing eyes pleading at you, hands tightening their grip on the sink when he only feels the heaviness getting stronger in his chest,

He exhales with a shake of his head, eyes shutting tightly to get them to stop, but the moment he lets his head dangle he feels warm, slim fingers finding their way underneath his jaw, forcing his head back up. Causing his eyes to open, which were still glowing brightly.

“Look at me,” Is all you tell him before inhaling deeply through your nose and slowly letting it back out through your mouth,

He continues to stare at you, glowing eyes averting from your mouth to your eyes, “We’ve done this before.. we can do it again,”

At your words, your other free hand settles softly onto his. Fingers slowly easing his grip on the sink then holding his hand the moment he finally lets go. The whole time you slowly tried prying his grip away, you kept eye contact with him as you continued doing breathing exercises with him. Before he even knew it, his whole body was now turned towards you, both hands holding your own as he leaned against the near shattered sink. In a matter of minutes, his orange beams slowly began fading away, being replaced by those familiar beautiful hazel orbs of his that remained holding eye contact with you.

You slowly nod your head at him, “That’s it. Breathe,”

And he does just that. Breathing with you, holding your hand, hazel eyes staring directly at you, not once looking away. Even after his breathing and heart rate had settled down, he still remained leaning against the sink, hands holding on to your own. You knew he would soon lock himself out, it was only matter of time before he pushed you away from embarrassment just like he usually would after composing himself, but before he can even avert your eyes, you let your hand settle on his bearded cheek, forcing his eyes to lock onto yours. Gently brushing away a tear stain with your thumb from his skin, you tell him the words that you think he should know.

“You’re only human, Butcher,” Your (E/c) eyes hold contact with his hazel ones as you continue, “Having panic attacks and fear doesn’t make you weak… it just means you’re still human,”

You give him a small sincere, warm, comforting smile as you gently tap his cheek with your thumb. However, as you dropped your hand from his cheek and began walking away to give him the space he wants, a firm hand is grasping onto your wrist, stopping you from taking a another step. The sudden action has you looking up at him, watching the way his hazel orbs are staring at you with an unreadable look.

Butcher continues to stare at you in silence, firm fingers still curled around your wrist, then with a small voice he says, “Why the fuck do yer stay?”

Wasn’t exactly what he wanted to say, but it was definitely what he kept asking himself. Why did you stay? Why would you waste your breath on him? He’s hurt you and the rest of the boys countless times, and yet, you’re still here. With him. He’s done nothing but bring you pain, he didn’t deserve your help. He didn’t deserve you.

“Because I know what you’re going through… and you shouldn’t be going through it alone,” You tell him, gazes not once parting from each other,

Something in his eyes switch, turning firmer as he lowers his head, voice slightly gruff with his next words, “I’m not worth it,”

A small smile tugs on your lips, the same smile you always give him when you know something he doesn’t, and that honestly frustrates him the fuck out. But it was your next words that make his blood freeze.

“You are to me,” He remains staring at you with a dumbfounded look, his grip on your wrist slightly loosening, but before he can even think of anything to say back you beat him to it, “I’ll go make you a tea,”

At your words you easily slip your wrist from his hold and walk out the room without another word, without hesitation. He didn’t know it but you too were close to having a panic attack yourself, you had just revealed your feelings for him without meaning to. It just came out smoothly and now you had to get away from him before he can say anything, before he can reject you.

He watched your frame disappear, mind replaying your words, heart sinking and floating back up to his chest as he weights your words. Then, before he even knows it he’s pushing himself off the sink and storming his way towards the little lunch area in the building where you had your back facing him as you leaned your hands against the counter.

As you were waiting for the kettle, mentally cursing at yourself for even saying what you did a couple minutes ago, you didn’t hear the way Butcher stomped his way to you until you’re being turned around by strong hands. The sudden movement makes a small noise to leave from your throat, but was quickly muffled when a pair of lips land on yours, turning it into a choked moan. Your eyes grew wide for a moment as your mind tried comprehending what is happening, but when it finally registered realize it was Butcher’s lips who were nervously molding with yours, you immediately reacted back. Fingers finding their way to his long locks at the base of his neck as you deepen the kiss. A breath of relief fans against your skin, feeling the way Butcher only holds you tighter against his chest, hands firmly holding you from your back as he too deepens the kiss.

You two remained that way, savoring and holding each other for what seemed like an hour, but in reality it was only 10 minutes.

However, the sound of voices coming from the entrance, halts both your movements, then before you know it Butcher lifts you off the ground, causing your legs to automatically wrap around his torso as he leads you both away from the miniature kitchen. How did he manage to sneak past the gang without getting noticed? You had no idea and could careless about it, only thing you did cared about was the man in your arms, and nothing else.

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Tag List: @tiannamortis @lmarina2000 @would-die-for-bucky-barnes @strangesgirl @disneyoncerlover815

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-Hope y’all enjoyed this one! I’ll definitely try and finish the request as soon as I can!

-So make sure to Turn On Post Notifications!!🔔 To not miss out on the next publication!! Love Ya!!

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[kinkyintherealworld]

Sissification - a toxic construction of femininity or getting off on outdated social constructs?

Becca here. 😀

First… I LOVE THAT YOU STARTED THIS DISCUSSION!!!! Thank you so much @youngchastity - who wrote to us (and tagged us in a post) for some healthy discussion around the sissification kink. We’ve definitely had a few things to say about it on the podcast, as have our guests. You can read his post, that started this conversation, here

Rather than speak for both of us at @kinkyintherealworld, I’m going to jump in and answer this from my point of view.

@youngchastity I love your thoughts on gender - I totally agree. I actually reblogged a post by @necromimetics the other day that said: 

“can’t stop thinking about my friend’s cishet partner who said last night that he doesn’t think anyone is the same gender. god-tier take.”

And I agree - we’re all a wibbly-wobbly swirl of masculine, feminine, and everything in between energies, and everyone has their own unique blend. Trying to squash us into labels is lame as hell. 

I like to think I am never one to kink shame (keeping it safe, sane and consensual), and in world where I (and many other women) want to smash the patriarchy, I may be a bit more sensitive to kinks that look down on femininity - or that’s how I have perceived it to date. As someone who has struggled with gender equality issues in real life (your capitalism comment made me give a disgruntled, but amused, snort), it’s hard to not knee jerk react and feel like I need to defend womanhood/femininity. There is still a power imbalance in the world, and equality is still a goal yet to be achieved, but upon dissection, is in the bedroom, playing with kinks, even a place we need to bring this battle? A question that has been raised to me, even before your message.

It’s funny, because I have actually had your very points discussed with me, last fall with my partner, Misty (who if you have read my personal tumblr is trans-personality who enjoys both sides of the gender spectrum fluidly) - we were on a road trip discussing the two episodes you made note of in your post, episode #16 and #19. And Misty, like you, felt we were missing the mark. S/he felt that in no way does sissification for the purpose of humiliation somehow degrade/make fun of/make lesser femininity. For all the same reasons you stated. S/he and I actually talked about doing a podcast about it, to dive more into the topic, Misty felt that strongly. It should be noted that Misty is NOT into sissification or feminization for the purpose of humiliation, and still she felt that we gave the sissification kink a bum rap. 

Hearing her thoughts and yours, I think it is something that should be revisited and, for me personally, I need to take a closer look at why I find it uncomfortable.

Since you made such lovely points I want to try and address each one!

We’ve established that we both agree the trappings around what we consider to be masculine and feminine are made up (and ridiculous). I think, the kink we are talking about here is ultimately humiliation through outdated (but still most commonly accepted) societal norms. IF you get embarrassed about having those things stripped away, and “forced” into the opposite direction… good for you? I mean seriously, how fun is it to get off in weird and wonderful ways with someone who shares your kink from a slightly different perspective! The reality is, I believe, this isn’t hurting anyone. You want a person to lock up your dick, make fun of your little penis (your actual size is irrelevant), or put you in clothing that bends your mind with eroticism and makes you flustered with sexual need - awesome! Life is too short not to enjoy the kinks we have. The bigger question, if I want to dig into the piece that makes me feel uncomfortable is, “Is there misogyny in the specific kink?” - and the answer to that, for me upon reflection, is no. Misogyny comes from the person performing it. So yeah, some kinky things are done with TONS of misogynistic intent… but that isn’t concentrated in one area. Those assholes are everywhere.

To me, feminization is never something that goes hand-in-hand with sissification. My partner feminized himself (their pronouns are all over the place), in a loving way. To empower the feminine in himself. He has often described it as blooming or becoming a butterfly - his higher form of being. So no humiliation to be found, for either of us on either end. I find it hot as fuck when he is all dolled up. 

I haven't dipped my toes into the humiliation via feminization kink (...yet?), so it’s hard for me to wrap my dirty little mind around it. 

Weirdly I do have a bimbofication kink for myself… sometimes. 😁 If I am in a particular mood for the fantasy. I have never found the right time/partner/energy to explore that. Am I feeling humiliation when I go there? I don’t think so…? More the need to feel desired, trophied (yes I made up that word), and used in a deeply submissive way. I’m not embarrassed about that. ;)   I too would be interested in hearing from women who enjoy humiliating others through feminization/sissification, and how they feel about it. Awesome point! 😀

Celebrating feminization! Now that is my jam! 💗 Give me a soft cute boy, and let me make him weak with wanting to be pretty and obedient for me. To me this is a huge mind shift  - the key word “celebrating”, not shaming. Gosh, I could just sink into this topic like the perfect bubble bath. To me, this is a core element to gentle femdom. It is about making boys better… pretty, soft, sweet things that want to please - the D/s element being a key piece. The submissive to be absolutely loved and worshipped for their submission. No shame, not less than me, and certainly not shifting my own very feminine self. I love the feminine. I love to see it in men, and men embracing that side of themselves. Is this a form benevolent sexism? I don’t know. And more to the point, if I am engaging in it with my partners, writing about it on tumblr, and reblogging things that I enjoy around the topic, am I hurting anyone? Food for thought, but I am going to keep doing my thing. ;) I feel like you can look at BDSM here, and for those who wish to criticize it, could for its dynamics. But that feels like a giant, whole other post.    Another thing you mentioned in this point was the strapon, and it’s use as a symbol of power. I have never seen it that way. To me, it is my soul penis… and I love being able to be inside my partner(s). It is an act of love, and makes me want to bring them to amazing places of pleasure (while I get off too). I really don’t enjoy the pictures of women wearing strapons who look like they want to punish their partner with it. But that’s just me. I know lots of people must enjoy that because there is a shit ton of porn that looks that way.

Playing with gender. I like that - and I do it! I love being able to put on a penis!! I really enjoyed trying my hand at Drag King make up and going out as a boy (I’ll post my picture again). I LOVE seeing boys in make up and fucking gender norms right out the window. You said it in your post - gender is made up and stupid. So yeah, let’s play with it, and maybe even break the molds! Though then you’ll have to find something else to get embarrassed and turned on about. ;) Our kinks are about orgasms and pleasure. Let’s enjoy them. In the end, it is all about intent and the people doing it. Not about the kinks themselves. People who want there to be an imbalance of power between women and men will keep doing mean spirited things to keep that nightmare alive - in the streets and in the sheets.

I feel like I have answered your points (I may have jumped around a bit), and I don’t feel the need to argue any of them. Misty had already shone a light on where I may have not been seeing the bigger picture. 

I am SO HAPPY you wrote us a message, and that you took the time to write out your thoughts (that can be read here). So sorry it took me a while to see it and respond! I am always up for conversation and debating (with kindness) any of the points. 

I definitely feel this topic should be a podcast. Any chance you'd like to be on it @youngchastity? ;) 

Hugs! Becca