#everything else I modeled myself and made the textures for :3
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OBJECTION! - Ace Attorney, but in Legos that I 3D modeled myself
#doctorsiren#ace attorney#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#maya fey#franziska von karma#larry butz#ace attorney fanart#digital art#my art#autodesk maya#I don’t get the news about my results yet#for it I got into the animation program (which this was one of my application pieces)#I’ll find out in a week I think#but I wanted to post this anyways since it’s been done for like a month now#isn’t this cool??#I modeled everything save for the PNG background and the PNG speech bubbles#everything else I modeled myself and made the textures for :3
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Kanye West - Selah (Mario animation)
- Original from Choreography by Talia Favia ft Kaycee Rice
2nd animation that I've fully created from start to finish!
(youtube link for high quality video)
I wanted to challenge myself by attempting to animate a complex dance choreography with his peculiar body proportions, and I really learned a lot about movement and especially about weight shifting while doing so!
Him performing this choreography can be interpreted to about his fight with/for the powers that were given to him, the previous powers of his own, and his power of will. Perhaps it would make him release, with the conflict between his self as a person, and his self as an icon, representative, machine. The end can be interpreted as having a strong grip on himself again, reclaiming himself... but whatever.
Hopefully he can deliver some sort of sentimental impact to some extent despite the peculiarity of the content itself 🤣✨️
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Progress and sources below the cut
Progress:
23.02.19. ~ 23.02.21. - fixed downloaded mesh errors, body rigging done. 23.02.21. ~ 23.03.03. - all dance movements (rigid, superficial, no depth) done. high resolution test render 1. (back to college starting from 23.03.02. less time spent on animation.) 23.03.03. ~ 23.03.13. - stylizing and smoothing animation 80% done. face rigging done. facial animation done. 23.03.19. ~ 23.03.22. - created and adjusted stage and stage lighting. 23.03.26. - added squash and stretch. low resolution test render 2. separated view layers and data passes for compositing. 23.03.27. ~ 23.03.29. - compositing done. low resolution test render 3 for checking post-production lighting issues. 23.03.31. - adjusted shaders and post-production lighting. 23.04.01. - full resolution final render start. 23.04.10. ~ 23.04.11. - render finished (3926 frames). final color adjustments to outputted video. added intro description and watermark. uploaded video.
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Music used: Kanye West - Selah
Original choreography video: Kanye West - Selah - Choreography by Talia Favia ft Sean Lew, Kaycee Rice, Courtney Schwartz filmed by Tim Milgram
Model used (no rig, only the mesh and materials): "Mario from Super Mario Odyssey" uploaded by Elite 3D
Texture used: Wooden floor texture
Everything else is created by myself, with blender.
The eyelashes and the top hair sprout is made by me, as they weren't in the model.
Rigging and animating done with blender 2.81
Shading, compositing, post-processing and rendering done with blender 3.41
he is so cute
#mario#mario selah#selah mario#animation#dancing animation#fan animation#weeheeweewewehew#wee-heu#m a r i o#i haven't slept tonight#i have severe sleep deprivation#but it's ok (hopefully)#because this is the last moment i'm working on this specifically
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Hello ther.
I'm Luka! I just wanted to introduce myself and let you all know what's going on here.
I love taking pictures in games! So I figured I'd try to really break into it and make a lil record of how I'm improving. Fun for me, maybe fun for someone else? Who knows! I also do quite a bit of photoshop mess with it at times, make things pretty and all that.
I might also include some AI art here - but it WILL be labeled as such and I will NEVER claim it as my own hand drawn art. Ever. I have a separate account (@tizluka) for my actual drawn artwork, which is hand drawn by me traditionally or digitally. I have a full crazy opinion on AI art but that's another post. Phew.
As for my pictures, I'll try my best to remember to label everything! Games will be labeled, and if it's an SL photo (as above) I'll attempt to label all the creators, if I can't remember just know that I am not a 3D modeler and have only messed with textures (but not in a while). I will let you know if I made something, I assure you. Otherwise? I'm not that damn talented lol
Thank you for reading! I appreciate it, and I hope I can at least entertain you. :3
-Luka
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And here’s the breakdown for this piece!
Tons of ugly wips below the cut, you’ve been warned :)
This idea was the very first one I had for this series, before I planned it as a series. According to my records on discord I first started planning it on... August last year (ಠ_ಠ).
I had not found more environment game assets by then and neither had looked into ripping models myself, so I started modeling the room on Blender. I abandoned the idea because I wanted to focus on that DAOCtober thing. Love jumping from one idea to the next without finishing the first one :^)
DAOctober done and I wanted to return to this piece. I gained a ton of knowledge of Blender doing the renders for that month that I wanted to get more ambitious with this piece, but doing just one picture was not enough, that’s where this project was born.
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The prompt for this one. Not all of the details made it in the end. A few I forgot to be honest. I was borderline burnt out and wanted to move to something else. In the end those missing details were not necessary I believe.
Writting this prompt definitely helped improve the initial idea.
Sketch! It’s awful haha. Like in the previous one, the goal was simply to know where characters and objects were going to be placed on the floor, camera angle could be found later. I didn’t use the first 3D room for this because this is way faster and the revised idea required three more characters to be added.
Sketch done I proceeded to place and pose all required characters. Textures were placeholders I took from Quixel Megascans. Overall super rough. After shooting these I moved to the Entrance picture.
Then I came across environment assets as well as I learned to use ninjaripper to rip models and textures myself. And rebuilt the entire room and placed all the characters (at some point I wanted to include Aveline and Varric, but the scene was already too crowded and I bet that their Guard Captain and Viscount duties took them away at the end of the day).
After much fiddling I found a fitting camera angle and got to sketching.
The composition ended up being static and rather symmetrical, which I think fits the solemn mood of the scene.
The (f)ugly stage of a painting lasts like 90% of the entire process, but I reached a point I considered the picture to be unsalvageable and abandoned it.
About two weeks later that I spent painting other things, I tried a different approach and it worked (for reference, the above painting I started by pretty much painting on top of the sketch, while this new I started by placing flat colors and then a layer of shadow on top). Huge fucking difference.
And it went pretty smoothly from there.
About 1/3 of my paintings go through this process, where I don’t know what the hell went wrong or how the f I can fix it, so I just scrap it altogether and start over. Don’t believe the sunk cost fallacy. Starting over is better.
This is the last wip shot I took before finishing it.
You’ll notice this first iteration had Marian gesturing to enter the room. But after much consideration I decided that it should be Bethany. As I thought it’d be more appropriate for each character.
The logic being Marian still feeling guilt over Leandra’s death (thanks game for making Leandra’s room always inaccesible and that one line of dialogue as an excuse to not enter it after her death), and well, everything.
Bethany’s Warden path is painful. Every encounter with her after the deep roads expedition feels like a kick in the guts. She resents her fate and her sister. She’s the one that dreamed of nobility and princes and that life was snatched right away from her. I’d like to think she also lowkey blames Marian for not saving Leandra.
So Marian would be carrying a heavy burden of regret and guilt, ruining her sister’s life and failing to save their mother.
But in the end Bethany comes around to her warden fate. She admits it wasn’t Marian’s fault, so giving her the agency to decide for both of them to finally move on and lift Marian’s burden of guilt, was to me, fitting.
And that’s it. Thanks for reading!
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I used to want to be an artist but then i stopped drawing for like 7 years. I want to go back but i'm scared and dont know where to start. So yes, i am interested in those drawing videos can you post them if you dont mind? ^_^
Of course!! I am in the same situation as you actually. I used to draw a lot in middle school (2010-2012) but my depression worsened during high school and in college, I’d only draw as a distraction, never seeking to study or improve. I decided to get back this year, since I decided drawing was the only thing I could see myself doing professionally. I felt very lost, because how do you get back? How do you know what’s your actual, current, art skill? What are your weaknesses? Your strong points?
That’s how I learned to study the fundmentals of art. Because visual art is not a skill. It is a set of skills, if you are very good at anatomy but not really when coming to painting your art is going to look differently than someone who learned anatomy in how to draw manga books but paint like a pro. I am going to divide this post in categories, Also, all the videos I link I also recommend all the channels they are from! My favorites are The Drawing Database, Sycra and Ganev, Sycra and The Drawing Databse have a little of everything and are great at explaining. Ganev is a bit sarcastic but I like the way he teaches. I took some parts of the text of this post from here.
How do I begin? How do you even get back at art? What tips should you use? These are general tips videos, usually nice to draw along. /the fundmentals and how to get started/ /5 tips for better drawing/ /perfect pratice/ /beginner’s guide/ /5 tips for digital art/ /10 tips to improve/ /why your drawings are stiff/ /what level is your art/ /improve your art fast/ /drawing basics/ /how to hold and control your pencil/ /intuitive drawing method/ /iterative drawing/
The Fundamentals: Proportion & Placement Proportion is relationship between one element and another. In the visual arts proportion relates most importantly to the abstract quality of scale and placement. You know how stereotypically an artists puts a pencil to their eye when looking at an object? They’re mesuring the proportion of the object in question and how to represent it corectly in the drawing. /principles of proportion/ /ways to create illusion of space/ /drawing the human figure/ /how to draw proportions playlist/ /how to use proportion in character design/ /basic anatomy and proportions part one/ /part two/ /part three/ /part four/ /proportion basics/
Form & Construction The idea of form is how we see the 3D objects in or world and transform them into 2D in the paper/canvas. It’s understading that eveyrthing is made up of basic forms. /dynamic sketching part one/ /part two/ /how to draw forms/ /structure/ /building form/ /another how to draw forms/ /how to visualize 3D forms/ /form study process/
Perspective & Depth Perspective is knowing that as things move away from the viewer’s eye, things seem to get smaller. Get familiarized with terms like horizon line and vanishing point. This is the basic that must be understood to learn perspective. Here’s a good article about this. /an intro video on the subject/ /step by step tutorial/ /perspective basics part one/ /part two/ /part three/ /part four/ part five /part six/ /another basics video/ /20 perspective lessons/ /eye level tip/ /linear perspective/ /simple form perspective/ /drawing the figure in perspective/
Anatomy Anatomy is something I think it’s one the most crucials things to learn in order to make your drawing look good. Once you understand how joints work you’ll be able to see how bones and muscles move. And this goes for anything with a skeleton. It’s one of those things of you learn the rules before breaking them. I am linking different playlists, since linking different videos on various parts of anatomy would take forever. Just study a body part at time: head, eyes, nose, lips, ears, shoulders, neck, hairline, breats, torso, hands, feet etc. /how to do an anatomy tracing/ /playlist 1 / /draw the head from any angle/ /anatomy for artists/ /draw facial features/ /how to draw and paint/ /playlist 2/ /draw 3/4 head with loomis method/ /playlist 3/ /drawing a head in 3 hours (this one is great to draw along with the artist)/ /how to draw a body/ draw a head with loomis method part 1/ /part 2/ /part 3/ /decipgering bridgman’s anatomy/ /anatomy quick tips/
Gesture Gesture drawing is a method of capturing figures in exaggerated poses, usually drawn quickly. It is important to undersand that the goal of all gesture is to study the figure and see how it moves. I like looking at poses and copying them. Here’s a good article. /how to draw gesture/ /how to draw any pose/ /draw interesting poses/ /a guide on gesture drawing/ /tips for expressive dynamic poses/ /figure drawing tips/
Composition The overall layout of a piece is very important. Artists often consider things like the rule of thirds or the infamous golden ratio. Neither truly defines a composition, but they can both go into your decision making. /composition in art/ /understanding composition/ /10 composition tips/ /beginner’s guide to composition/ /art fundamental: composition/
Value Studying value is very much the study of light and shadow. But there is a technical side of light that you’ll want to pay attention to if you’re going for technical rendering. /guide on rendering/ /seeing light and shadows in daily life/ /10 minutes to a better painting/ /understaing colors and values/ /shading basics/ /ambient occlusion/ /shadow colors/ /tips on how to shade/ /draw shadows on objects and people/ /lighting tutorial/
Color Theory Color theory is understanding which colors go good with eachother, and knowing the pyschology behind it. (what are cool colors? what colors make someone feel comfortable?) It is fundamental in art for you to understand the relationship between colors and what makes them look good. Best color theory books. A comprehensive guide to color theory. /hue value saturation in photoshop/ /color theory for noobs/ /understanding color/ /what you should know about colors/ /warm and cool colors/ /the basic elements/ /choose colors that work/
Traditional Media If you draw in traditional media, all videos above can be used easily. These are just videos for general tips in traditional media, there isn’t many since my focus is digtal ^^’ /watercolor tips/ /draw with colored pencils/ /blending colored pencils/ /4 how to draw lessons/ /Block in colors/ /holding the brush/ /
Digital Media Digital art is how everyone’s been doing art these days. It doesn’t matter if you’re doing with your phone or your computer. I don’t do art on my phone, I know the most used app is mediabang for android and procreate for apple, and I think anyone who is able to do art with their finger is very skilled. If you are like me and prefer doing art on your computer, you probably have your tablet. If not, well you should have. Not having a tablet is not an option if you want to get better at art ^^’ Best tablet for beginners in 2020. Or you can just buy an old used one, if it still works, and you are a beginner, a small intuos is all you need. When talking about softwares, the three big ones I see people using are: Photoshop, Clip Paint Studio and Paint Tool Sai. The best one is CPS, but I find Sai easier to navigate, but CPS is extremely complete and I hope to be able to master it someday. CPS Tutorials. I don’t have much to say about photoshop, people use it mostly because they’ve been using it forever lol I divide my digital painting process in steps: Sketch/Lineart/Color Blocking/Shading/Blending/Color correction. Sketch is the basics, draw your idea. Lineart is to clean your sketch. Color Blocking is to color your drawing one color, so it’s easier to work in it. Shading is to understand where the lighting sources are coming from and apply them. Blending is to blend the colors of your drawing with brushes. Color correction is when I use filters of hue/saturation and others to make the drawing more appealing. These require understadings of the software of your choice which I am not very good at the moment so I can’t give you more tips than that ^^’ Hopefully these videos can help. /perspective grid/ /clean line art/ /coloring process/ /make lineart interesting/ /best brushes for digital painting/ /skin shading tutorial/ /lineart vs painting/ /art in clip studio paint/ /hair tutorial/ /3 tips for improving/ /10 digital art mistakes/ /color block tutorial/ /shading skin/ /from lineart to painting/ /cleaner lineart/ /add texture to your art/ /improve your art with better shadows/ /the importance of brushes/ /use layer modes/ /improve your lines/ /how to blend colors/ /another blending tutorial/ /color blocking/
Exercises It’s no secret that to improve on art, you must pratice. Everyday, even if it’s just a little! A great way to pratice is make use of youtube picture in picture function to draw along in your software of choice. /pratice drawing forms/ /proportion exercises/ /perspective exercises/ /value studies/ /creative drawing exercises/ /simple drawing esercises/
Resources Senshi stocks, a deviantart page full of poses photos. Quick poses, pictures of models, contains nudes. Character design references DesignDoll, create a personalized sketch doll and make it pose.
Phew!!! This took forever to make and is way more than you asked for, but I decided to go all in so I can have a masterpost for me too and for anyone else interested in art. As soon you can understand the fundamentals, you can do your own research and study, youtube is really great for this. I hope this helps, let’s get better at drawing together!!! Ganbarimashou (ง •̀_•́)ง
#anon#askbox#I feel there's a lot more to add but I'm tired I've been working on this sicne yesterday ^^'#Like there's more softwares and resources I could link you I know of that#So when I think of something else I may add to this psot#post#if you feel overwhelmed because this is a lot of info you can start with the beginner section of this psot#and sycra's channel
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2021 Summer Painting Challenge, Day 21
My new Frontline Battle Mat game in the mail today. First Time I've purchased one of these. It's pretty nice, fits the winter base theme of my undead, & is properly sized for the current editions of 40k & fantasy. I got out all my unpainted, half built fantasy terrain to see what I had to work with in terms of getting a proper table together. Not too much, but not nothing. I'll definitely have to prioritize getting some scenery painted, at least once I've got a fully army ready to run. Speaking of...
I've made some basic progress on my July pledge - getting everything assembled, the zombies & dire wolves based. I also primed all that stuff after taking these pictures. I had meant to do the 10 extra cursed city zombies I ordered, but the little plots of land they carry on their backs add a fair bit to the painting time, so as a little cheat I set those aside and assembled 10 non-grave-staked zombies from the new regiment box instead. The dire wolves got some extra slate chips to help fill in some of the empty space on their bases, and also to add extra contact points to the ones that were only designed with one or two feet on the ground. Their legs are pretty skinny, and they feel like they'd be prone to breaking otherwise, so this just heads off a potential problem before it can make trouble for me later.
I also primed the vampire lord from the previous basing video. Unfortunately my white primer was running on empty so when I tried to do a zenithal highlight I got this speckled result instead. Which looks cool, but spray mistakes like this can absolutely destroy models. Thankfully the finish is still smooth to the touch, so it's just a spotty looking paint job, not one that destroyed the models details beneath a fuzzy surface texture.
the commission rhino fully assembled, complete with pintle weaponry, magnets to keep the rear door closed, and some FW Raven Guard brass etched details. I even got the first basecoat on the metal work down.
If this had been the first week of the month, then I'd be in great position to get everything done early, like I initially intended. As it is, with 10 days left to go? Not so much. I really kind of left this months painting pledge for the last minute, and now it's going to bite me in the butt. Oh, I theoretically could finish this stuff in the remaining time - I figure I could get the rhino done in 5 days, the zombies 3, and the dire wolves 2, no sweat. Except that I don't actually have 10 days.
Remember when I said I was going to be out of town at some point this month? It was the whole reason I was aiming for a more modest pledge, and didn't want to commit to daily updates? Well, now that's happening, and I'm going to lose 3 to 4 of my remaining days, if not more. I knew this was coming up, and the whole point of my comparatively light pledge this month was to get my painting done early so it would be out of the way when this trip happened. But I got sucked into some video games & lost track of time, something that wouldn't have happened if I had just done the daily updates anyway.
TBH, I am a bit disappointed in myself, and it sucks the wind out of my whole fun villain routine. I'll scramble to do as much as I can in the remaining time, but I'm no longer planning on getting it all done this month. If I can just finish the rhino, I'll be ok with that, as that would buy me enough slack on the commission front that I could focus solely on my own models next month. Anything else I don't finish this month, I'm fine with just adding to next month's pile, along with a modest additional pledge, plus the remaining side quests left over from June. I'm aiming to have a thousand points of Vyrkos Dynasty Path to Glory ready to go by the end of August, so I can actually get some games in.
Which is the exciting, positive part of my trip out of town - I'm going to actually have a car again. The circumstances under which I'm getting it are personal and sad, but it will mean semi-regular game store trips so I can actually start playing some games again. I'm pretty hype to actually try AoS 3e for myself, and that should more than make up for any motivation I've lost due to disappointment over not meeting my painting goals this month.
I even started coming up with names and brief backstories for all my planned units. I'll be posting all about it soon.
#warhammer#age of sigmar#soulblight gravelords#40k#raven guard#vampire counts#horus heresy#2021 summer painting challenge
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65 Questions You Aren't Used To answered by ME
1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?
Sometimes, but it always goes away fairly quickly.
2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
3, im not actively afraid of the dark itself but it can exacerbate paranoias
3. The person you would never want to meet?
The guy on reddit with like 100 different parasites he spreads to people around him
4. What is your favorite word?
Catgirl or Ghost maybe idk
5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
Monterey Cypress
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?
Oh my god my hair is so fucked, i look dead in the face too
7. What shirt are you wearing?
gray longesleev :)
8. What do you label yourself as?
gray-ace trans girl who is probably actually nonbinary but ignores that for the sake of simplicity
9. Bright room or dark room?
dark
10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
in a voice call watching my friend stream hl2: lost coast
11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?
19-20
12. Who told you they loved you last?
gf :)
13. Your worst enemy?
congress republicans
14. What is your current desktop picture?
I have 3, and currently all of them are on images of hatsune miku
15. Do you like someone?
mhm
16. The last song you listened to?
No Children - The Mountain Goats
17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
Mitch McConnell
18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Donald Trump
19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
A clone of myself, who i would make work on my portal mod lul
20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)
My hair perhaps
21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?
I dont know if this would make me male, female, or a trans man!
22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?
Getting people to like me when i want them to, i guess? It sounds manipulative but if you dont use it to manipulate people, and you dont always do it (because sometimes you dont want the person to like you), then is it?
23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?
I am afraid that my perception of other things is inaccurate and eventually i will realize that people around me regard me as someone who is very much detached from objective reality.
24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.
Crab+lobster mix, avocado, cheese, caramelized onions, bacon, sourdough bread, basil+a bit of garlic, and probably other stuff i cant think of.... oh and sunchips stuffed inside that i could pull out and eat.
25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?
Save it!!
26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?
California!
28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
1) If you die we eat you
29. What is your favorite expletive?
simply saying the word KILL!
30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?
My computer :( it would cause the most extreme impact to have it be destroyed. i would feel terrible about everything else though
31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
I’d rather not say.
32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!
sounds awful :(
33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
My kitty :(
34. What was your last dream about?
I was playing a hidden level in Frogger: the Great Quest but then @ sleepysoul DM’d me to ask what my newest video was about cause she was weirded out by it, and i went to my youtube channel to find this bizarre video about crab-catching, which slowly descended into this video showing bizarre and cosmic horrors. For some reason i thought i uploaded it and tried to defend the video, but i could not explain it
35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?
I am a good 3d modeler, texturer, game mapper, and other things that have to do with digital 3d artstuff
36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
no
37. Have you ever built a snowman?
yes
38. What is the color of your socks?
All of mine are tan or dark blue. super lame and boring
39. What type of music do you like?
Most currently, it fluctuates between “weirdcore” type aesthetic playlists of music, and anything Vocaloid.
40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
Sunrises, because im usually not awake for them so they are extra special
41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?
strawberry maybe
43. Do you have any scars?
One on the side of my butt where i tore it open on the bathtub faucet, one on my elbow from a bike accident, and
44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
I dropped out :(
45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
my cheekbones and eyebrow ridge stick out so weirdly, id make it not look like that
46. Are you reliable?
on small things? yes. on big things? nope, not in the least.
47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
Have you finally gotten out of this rut and found happiness and success?
48. Do you hold grudges?
i kinda do but try not to
49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?
Catgirl
51. Are you a good liar?
only when im not trying to.
52. How long could you go without talking?
consecutively, maybe a fourth of a day
53. What has been you worst haircut/style?
short.
54. Have you ever baked your own cake?
I’ve helped, but never done it myself!
55. Can you do any accents other than your own?
Oh, believe me, no. But i do it anyway because its objectively hilarious
56. What do you like on your toast?
Not beans.
57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
Miku :) (it turned out so badly i scrapped it)
58. What would be you dream car?
Golden Leopard Print Golf Cart
59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.
I lie down as to not pass out (and cause warmn wotter....)
60. Do you believe in aliens?
[redacted]
61. Do you often read your horoscope?
never
62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
E? (it has a nice synesthetic color)
63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?
Dinos
64. What do you think about babies?
gremlins. strange beings. they are very strange and creepy-ish but can be cute but RARELY. keep away.
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Goals
Mental
1. To stop comparing myself to others. I can feel confident pretty easily by dressing up, putting on some makeup, and doing my hair nice. But what instantly seems to ruin it is my mind looking at other people and wishing I had what they have. I know that others beauty should not take away from my own, but yet I cannot help but diminish myself and sometimes start to feel insecure in the presence of others. This is something I need to work on mentally, I have to realize that no physical attribute that I achieve will conquer this. There will always be someone who WE perceive as better. However, there is only one me, and I am special in many ways. I do not need to try and be like anyone else. I need to be at peace with myself and fully accept that no matter how I look in comparison of others I am good enough.
2. Presence. This is something that I have gotten much better at. Fully focusing on the moment and what I am doing when I am doing it. With social media there are constant ways to distract yourself. One thing that I was doing unconsciously for a while was being on my phone any time I ate a meal. Before I even realized it, I was done with my meal and I had barely enjoyed it. Consequently, I craved more food, never really feeling satisfied. Now I am very aware of when I do this and always focus back to really enjoying my food and being thankful for how it is nourishing me. I have found that I am always satisfied after eating when I put my full presence into the act of consuming and enjoying my food. This goes with anything I do now, working out, doing homework, making my bed, getting dressed; anytime I do something with presence it turns out infinitely times better than if I did it while my mind wandered. I want to be free from anxiety always, to always do things with focus and intention. I want to really utilize my time and feel accomplished each day. I want to be organized and clean. I want to enjoy every second of the day.
3. Trust. Now this is a heavy one that I really need to work on more. There are a lot of parts of me that I still have not healed. I fully recognize that I not only have a hard time trusting other people, but I also have a hard time trusting myself. I constantly doubt everything. Whether it is right or wrong, whether I should do this or that, whether it is good or bad, I do not believe in it or even my own intuition. I find myself never really believing what anyone says, and at the same time easily lying to people. What I need to do is open my heart, be vulnerable, and live my truth even if I will feel uncomfortable or judged. To just set myself free from the fear. I have to let down my walls and let down my guard and trust that what is meant for me will simply be and I do not need to try to control things all of the time. I want to be able to love easily, to give to people with no expectations. I want to radiate sweetness and tenderness. I want to be able to express myself without holding back. I want to open up to the people in my life even if they will not understand.
Physical
1. Skin. Now this has been an issue for way too long. I am so proud of how far I have come. I have accepted this part of myself more than ever before, although it is my biggest insecurity still. More than anything, I really just want to make sure that everything that I am eating, drinking, and everything that I am applying to my skin is good for it. I want to be glowing from the inside out. I want people to compliment me on the work that I put in to get it to the smoothest clearest texture. I want to feel confident without makeup on. I want to be able to look people in the eye when they stare at me. I want to feel confident when they look at my side profile. I want to not have to hide behind my hair or makeup all the time. I want my skin to feel clean and calm and hydrated all the time.
2. Body. The main thing about my body I have been wanting to change is my weight. This first came about when I weighed myself and saw that I had gained 15+ pounds than the last time I was weighed. I had also noticed that I needed to get bigger sizes. It really hit me when I started looking back at past photos and thinking about how much skinnier I was before. I recognize now how in the past, I did things to my body for others not myself, and this is what started problems. I started going to the gym for my ex-boyfriend, not for myself. He said that I should so I started feeling insecure, and going to the gym often just made me more insecure because I felt like I was not doing enough. I just kind of did it just because I thought it would make him and other people like me more. Then quarantine hit just after my consistency at the gym started picking up, and then because my skin was at its worst, I forced myself to work out more because I felt that my body was the only beautiful thing about me left. Still, instead of feeling better it just made me critique my body more. Going to college after is really changed my body the most. Since high school I have always just eaten when I was hungry. Besides being pescatarian I never limited my diet based on insecurity. I naturally did not often over eat or under eat and I did not force myself to work out at the gym either. At that time I was always happy with my body. So when college came around and I had the unlimited meal plan, I had other people responsible for what I ate and when I ate, and I tried to get as much food as I could when they were serving. Combined with excessive drinking, I ate more and rarely felt satisfied. Food was accessible to me and I took advantage of it without really appreciating it. I was often sick. I also went a period where I could barely eat due to depression. I had panic attacks. I was living with a model who always looked perfect and so I hid my body more. So long story short I have been critiquing my body so much ever since the weight gain. Over the summer I tried different things and drastically limited my diet but I did not see much of a difference. I now know what I need to do. I just need to simply eat what my body craves and drink lots of water. Simply nourish my body with nutrient dense, fulfilling meals that make me FEEL GOOD. I love eating fruits and vegetables and so I will. I have felt so much more confident and less harsh on myself because my goal is not to be skinny or even lose weight it is to just be healthy. I am much more intentional about what I put into my body and I enjoy planning my meals and cooking them. I want to be able to know that I have to wear a swim suit and not have the urge to starve myself. I want to love my body. I want to feel energized, radiant, confident, beautiful, sexy, and most of all healthy.
Spiritual
1. Connect more with God/spirit. Lately I have been studying a variety of different philosophies and religions. The ones that resonate with me the most have been Buddhism and Hinduism but I believe every religion has validity that is meaningful. Do I know if there is a God? Yes and no. It is kind of hard for me to understand why things are the way they are, why God did all this. And so I question if there really is one and what he represents and how I am supposed to connect with him. At the same time, there is so much evidence in my own life that I am being guided and protected by something divine. I am so thankful my mom taught me very young to form a relationship to spirituality. She told me and my sister to pick something symbolic of our angels watching out for us, for her it was a white feather. I had a few different symbols but none were very convincing. I eventually decided on dragonflies, because I thought they were beautiful creatures and I was fascinated by them, and they are something you do not often see. Since making this decision, I have seen dragonflies every time I need a sign when I am most down or scared or confused. There is divine powers that are helping me navigate life, and I want to become more in touch with them and listen to their wisdom. This includes meditating, praying, reading, and journaling, because we can gain a lot of wisdom from within and from others stories as well, and our thoughts contribute so much to influencing the energetic field of the entire world. I want to feel good about my way of life. I want to learn more about spirituality and how it can better the world. I want to trust that there is more than meets the eye and have inner peace that there is a divine plan in everything.
2. Do shadow work.
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little t&a (gene/paul, nc-17) (part 27 of 29)
part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 12 part 13 part 14 part 15 part 16 part 17 part 18 part 19 part 20 part 21 part 22 part 23 part 24 part 25 part 26 part 27 part 28 part 29
Four weeks before KISS gets back on tour, Gene discovers that Paul’s been cursed by a groupie. For the sake of KISS’ finances, Paul’s comfort levels, and Gene’s libido, this crisis must be resolved. Sexswap fic. In this chapter: Gene and Paul draw each other, and Gene makes his confession. The sky is falling and we’re getting pretty near the end.
It felt like a shorter lunch than it really was. Paul ate all of his soup, but only half his sandwich, while Gene dove into both with as much relish as usual. In fact, he ate two sandwiches and Paul’s leftovers.
“I hope you didn’t want to do it right after we ate,” Gene said awkwardly. Paul was looking at the plates and silverware, debating cleaning things up. In the end, he just wiped off the counter and stuck all the dishes in the sink.
“Nah. Give it awhile.” He shrugged. “The only trouble is, we’ve pretty much exhausted all our entertainment options at my place.”
Gene smiled.
“Paul, are you really telling me all you have over here is a T.V., an album collection, and some self-help books?”
“I’ve also got sketchpads. And painting supplies.”
“You still paint?”
Paul shrugged again.
“It’s not great. I don’t have time to really…”
“Let me see.”
Gene was actually a pretty fair artist. He never drew cartoons of his bandmates like Paul was prone to, in a bad mood, but he liked to sketch out comic book characters. He’d never taken any classes that Paul knew of, but he was talented. Talented enough that Paul was a little wary of showing him any of his efforts.
It occurred to him how stupid that was. He was about to fuck this guy—had spent the last four nights in bed with him, even—but somehow showing him some acrylic paintings was making him nervous. Somehow what passed for his body of work was more vulnerable than his actual body.
“Yeah, okay.”
“Cool.”
“C’mon, they’re in the guest bedroom. I’m surprised you didn’t find them earlier.” He’d had aspirations of having his own studio, or at least using one of the rooms for that express purpose, before the reality of nine or ten months on the road at a time hit him. He didn’t even paint enough while he was at home to justify that kind of expense.
Gene followed him over to the guest bedroom. Paul leaned over, dress hiking up as he yanked some cardboard and canvases out from under the bed.
“Here we go.” Instead of holding the pieces up for Gene’s inspection, he just set them out on the bed. He hung back a bit, heart thumping, not quite daring to want to watch Gene look at his work. Actually showing it to Gene felt a little like hearing his own voice on the answering machine, or the echo from a microphone, all the flaws bouncing back at him, magnified a dozen times.
The pieces didn’t have too much meaning behind them, nothing really far out or deep he was trying to convey. Bright streaks of color, some of it in splatters, but most of it in strokes, with no consistent pattern. Purples and pinks tended to dominate. There were points where he’d tried to layer on the colors, fooled around with it, only he’d half-forgotten the proper technique to do it the way he wanted. Most of the art didn’t really have a focal point, except for an odd one-off where he’d tried to paint a sunset while it was still in the air. That one was on a piece of cardboard torn off a refrigerator box. It had maybe a found art, rustic quality to it or something. And the color scheme wasn’t too bad, either, the red sun spilling over a hasty backdrop of orange and pink clouds and trees instead of his neighbors’ houses.
“I like this one a lot.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Superman couldn’t fly with that sun.” Gene picked up the piece of cardboard carefully—too carefully, a piece of paper that had been beneath it starting to flutter towards the floor. Paul snatched it before it got there.
“What’s that one?”
“Oh, it’s only a sketch,” Paul tried to dismiss, but Gene seemed curious enough for him to hold it up for Gene to see. Part of him wanted to hide it back under the bed like a child, for all that it wasn’t particularly incriminating. Just a sketch of his own face. The hair was probably the most accurate part, hopelessly unruly; he didn’t quite think he’d gotten his own nose right, or eyes, but…
“In the makeup.” Gene’s finger touched the edge of the star on his eye.
“Well, sure. It kept me from having to shade much.”
“You look depressed there.” Gene still running his finger down the sketched-out lines of his face made Paul feel stupidly warm, like he was touching him by proxy.
“I don’t look good?”
“I didn’t say that.” A pause. Paul could always recognize when Gene was about to start a critique with him. He’d hesitate, which was kind of funny, because he never did it with anyone else, just plowed through with whatever comment he had. Paul would usually get offended anyway, but he was trying not to, at least for today. “Hey, would you do me a favor?”
Not a critique at all. Paul was vaguely surprised.
“What’re you wanting?”
“Let me try my hand at it.”
“Gene, I’m not letting you go over my drawing—”
“No, no. Let me borrow one of your sketchpads.”
“You wanna draw me right now? What for?” Paul could feel himself tense up slightly as he reached over, gathering up the paintings and stuffing them back under the bed. Despite himself, he was yanking out another pad of drawing paper from there as well. “If you wanted your album photo, all you had to do was check the newspaper.”
“I don’t want your photo. Just you.”
Paul handed the sketchpad over. There was an odd sting somewhere in his heart.
“You can’t want what you’ve already got,” he said quietly. He didn’t wait for Gene to respond, clearing his throat hastily. “I make a terrible art model.”
Gene’s expression, a little unreadable earlier, quirked a little.
“I’ll let you draw me, too.”
“I feel like you’re hard to draw.” But he’d gotten another piece of cardboard to bear down on after tearing off a page of the drawing paper for himself. Then Paul was gathering the rest of the supplies—pencils and gummy erasers—from where they lay in a coffee mug on the nightstand. It wasn’t exactly the most put-together setup. He just wasn’t around enough for any extra effort to be worth it. The guest bedroom’s only real use was as another place to stash his tour and art stuff. He could count the number of times anyone had slept there on one hand. “You don’t… really have one feature that really stands out—”
Gene stuck out his tongue.
“Oh, God, I’m not drawing that. Just your face. C’mon, sit down.” Paul gestured towards the bed, scooting up on it himself, sitting cross-legged on the pillows, dress bunched up. The cardboard and piece of paper were resting on his thighs, one of the pencils in his hand. He gave Gene the mug and sketchpad, scrutinizing Gene’s face. “Let me try first, okay?”
“Go for it.”
He’d never really studied Gene’s face before. That sounded a little stupid, given everything. Gene still wasn’t exactly attractive, though he looked a lot better now than he had when they’d first met. That hadn’t been the draw. It still wasn’t the draw.
Paul didn’t ask Gene to try for any particular expression as he started in, drawing the circle, the center line, mapping out the sections of his face in the half-remembered way he’d learned back in school and trying to adjust from there, only to, as usual, abandon the mapping about two minutes in. Gene’s eyes weren’t quite as dark as his, and his nose was bigger—you can’t hide the hook, Totie had said, back on their stint on the Mike Douglas show, and Paul remembered snickering with everyone else about it backstage. She’d had his number. Gene had struck up a friendship with her after that, excited to get to know another Jewish entertainer. Paul privately hoped he hadn’t banged her in the process.
He was distracting himself. It was hard to do the expression lines around Gene’s mouth without making him look forty-eight instead of nearly twenty-eight, so Paul abandoned all but a light insinuation before skipping over to his hair. He thought he could get that right, at least. Gene’s hair was somewhat coarse, and tended to frizz even worse than Paul’s own did, and it wasn’t as thick. All of the teasing and backcombing and tight ponytails had done a number on it. Paul pursed his lips, trying to approximate the texture with his pencil, and the sheen with his eraser.
“How’s it coming?” Gene asked, after about fifteen minutes. He’d been pretty patient, not shifting around much, even stopping himself the few times he tried to scratch his face.
“I think I did a damn good job on your eyebrows.” Paul turned the sketch around with a slight groan. “Everything else is a little…”
“You made me look really sad.”
Gene wasn’t wrong. Paul hadn’t quite figured out what to do with Gene’s lips when he’d drawn them, so he’d had them sink down a bit. The eyebrows really were pretty good, to his own estimation, and the hair was okay, and he’d at least started with the proper face shape, but—he hadn’t really caught Gene properly. Whatever his essence was, it hadn’t transferred onto the page.
“Frowns are easier to draw. Smiles, you have to get just right, and get the light in the eyes…” Paul shook his head. “Not a lot of room for error, right? And if you mess up, your drawing ends up looking like Norman Bates.”
Gene laughed, shaking his head.
“But you’ve got me looking like myself. It isn’t just the eyebrows. The chin and the mouth are right--”
“But it’s not great, either. I’ll try again later on.” Paul set the drawing down. “You can do me if you want.”
“Interesting choice of words.”
“Oh, shut up.” Paul shifted, suddenly antsy. He’d only ever seen Gene draw his own fanzines and doodle on napkins. He knew Gene wasn’t going to take this as a serious art study, but… but on the same token, letting Gene draw him felt--revealing. Almost too revealing. He wasn’t as bothered by the face Gene was going to draw as what it signified. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what Gene saw when he looked at him. What stood out to him.
If he drew a pair of tits, Paul grimly promised himself he’d keep denying Gene at least until tomorrow.
“Tilt your chin up a bit,” Gene said, and Paul did so. His fingers worried unconsciously at the straps of his dress. Paul waited for more instructions, but they didn’t come. Just the scritch of the pencil against the sketch paper, and the occasional fuzzy sound of the eraser rubbing back and forth on the page. Gene kept such direct eye contact on his face that Paul was getting a bit intimidated.
“You took art in school, right?”
“Only a couple of terms. I liked it, but I wanted to get in all the electives I could.”
“Even weight training?” Paul scooted to the side.
“Your art school had weight training?”
“God, yeah. We even had a football team.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“I never said we won anything.” Paul paused. “Do you want me to pose?”
“No. You’re fine like you are.”
“Should I smile?”
Gene looked like he was considering it for a second, and then he shook his head.
“Just relax.”
Paul tried to, but he kept fidgeting. Not getting any direction was making him nervous. He wasn’t gutsy enough to try to look alluring without the makeup as a shield. Gene had stopped talking as he’d gotten more into the drawing, only responding to Paul’s attempts at conversation with a few “yeahs” and “uh-huh”s. He was taking longer than Paul had, too. But he seemed pleased with himself far before he signed the bottom and held it out for Paul to see.
“Here you go.”
Paul was a little stunned.
He was nearly right there on the page. Big dark eyes greeted him. Full lips, slightly parted, revealing a little of his front teeth. High cheekbones. Gene’s portrait of him was more thorough and detailed than Paul’s attempt, stopping at the shoulders, where the dress straps drooped. More attractive than Paul knew he actually was; Gene had, oddly, been kinder about Paul’s nose and jaw than was accurate, but all the same-- he’d captured something of Paul on the page. Some facet. Tenseness or intensity or both. The sketch was clearly of a chick, sure, but-- it was him.
“Gene, this… shit, this is really good.” Part of what impressed him was the self-assured pressure and definition of most of the lines. Paul’s own tended to fade out, like he was mentally erasing them after committing them to the page, but Gene went into it with a much heavier hand overall. The contrast was interesting. “And I thought all you could draw was Batman. You’ve been holding out on me for years.”
Gene shrugged.
“I had someone cute in front of me. That makes all the difference.” He paused, moving to sit beside him, pointing at the sketch. “You’ve got pretty eyes.”
“Since just lately?”
“No. Since always.” Gene seemed to hesitate. “Paul, in a way, you don’t really look all that dif--”
“Peter told me they made me look like a beagle,” Paul stumbled out before Gene could finish. He wasn’t sure why he interrupted that way. Gene snorted, reaching over and draping an arm behind Paul’s shoulders. Paul let him.
“Maybe more like a moppet. You remember those posters.”
“Yeah. Julia had them in her room when we were kids.” But he wasn’t displeased at the comparison, somehow, reaching to put the sketches and supplies on the crowded nightstand, before leaning back against Gene’s arm and shoulder. He could feel Gene start to tense, so Paul turned his head, impulsively, pressing a kiss against his cheek. “One of them was a harlequin or something, I don’t remember.”
“Paul.”
“What?”
“You didn’t let me finish. You don’t look all that different.”
“Come off it.” Paul could feel something cold and odd trickle up his spine, something he was almost afraid of. “I’ve had tits for a week and a half, don’t try to kid me.”
“I’ve been kidding myself.”
“Gene, what’re you talking about--”
“You’re the same as you always were. You’re beautiful.”
Paul sat there stunned. The icy feeling up his spine seemed to melt and dissolve in an instant. He didn’t want it to. He wanted to hold onto it. Use it as something to protect him, something to chase away any hurt, any vulnerability. His face was going florid, and all of a sudden, he couldn’t look directly at Gene, staring instead at the hem of his dress.
“I don’t want to make a promise I can’t keep. But I think… I think there might still be something there after we break the curse.” Gene’s hand found one of the shoulder straps on his dress, fixing it back up, though his gaze was still firm on Paul’s face. Completely unwavering. Paul’s heartbeat felt like it could smash straight through diamonds. “I know that’s not enough for--”
“It’s enough.”
“Paul, look--”
“It’s enough.” Paul was surprised at the slow strength starting to rise from his voice with every word, like a newborn foal wobbling to its feet. “Even before all this happened. Any time I’ve ever gotten to have with you is enough.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.” He was able to look at Gene now, right in the face. The warmth he’d tried to avoid was blazing inside him. It felt funny, somehow, to feel so sure, so certain, in the face of a maybe, that things would still be all right, one way or another. It felt like the bulk of the burden, the fear, was really, truly beginning to dissolve. “Gene, I…”
He couldn’t say it. Gene was waiting on it, face so near his own he could feel his breath. He kissed him instead, reaching his arms around him half-blindly, clenching tight. Paul was panting as soon as Gene broke the kiss, pressing another and another against his cheek and chin and throat, climbing into his lap as though he belonged there, and maybe, for just a little while, he did.
Gene was so warm, so unbelievably warm. Paul could swear he could feel Gene’s own pounding heartbeat against his. His breaths were coming only a little bit better than Paul’s were, his dark eyes dilated. Gene’s mouth was back on his before Paul could think clearly, needy and wanting, and it was all Paul could do to pull back and manage one last request.
“Hey. Before we-- do you think you could take me back to o-- my bedroom?”
Gene had him gathered up in his arms in seconds. Paul held tight, pressing his face against Gene’s shirt for all of the minute it took to cross from one room to the next, taking in his scent as he finally dared to hope.
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[mod list] Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic - The Sith Lords
I assemled this list for myself and friends/family, but I’m also sharing it with the world in case anyone mods like me and finds this useful. Here’s an excerpt from the convo that sparked this list’s formation as it is...
i have a pretty basic approach to mods for kotor 1&2...
1.) no big cheats (petty stuff -- like slightly beefier stats on armor or something idc, nbd, but i don't install "hack pads," or "skip peragus," things like that)
2.) no weird sex shit. in fact, sometimes i use modesty-mods to combat cringe exploitation.
3.) no heavy-handed mods that disqualify you from using a lot of other mods (so, the massive TSL Restored Content mod is basically off the table, sad to say, sorry... maybe one day i can figure out how to make them all work together) [edit: i have made an exception for TSLRCM, because it’s pretty widely accepted by the community at this point, however this adds SIGNIFICANTLY to the whole install order issue.]
4.) i improve textures on characters, items, effects, skyboxes... but i usually don't mess with super high-res texture replacements of the world/surfaces/deco because 4k textures aren't gonna make KOTOR look THAT much better... however it DOES make your system run like garbage and present more render errors.
5.) gotta be canon (for this game/world) as possible.
- UNOFFICIAL PATCH -
KOTOR 2 Community Patch 1.5.1 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1280-kotor-2-community-patch/
- BUG FIXES -
Hide Weapons in Animations 🔥 https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/53
Darth Malaks Armour https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/9
TSL Jedi Malak Mouth Fix 1.1.0 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1444-tsl-jedi-malak-mouth-fix/
Kotor 1 Texture to Kotor 2 Game Bridge 1.0.0 (note: these textures are the barest necessity, highly suggested even for those that don’t replace textures for quality... but will be overwritten if you load up on HD textures in the latter category) ⚠️ https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1330-kotor-1-texture-to-kotor-2-game-bridge/
JC's Supermodel Fix for K2 1.6 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1141-jcs-supermodel-fix-for-k2/
Maintenance Officer Realistic Reskin 1.1 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/165-maintenance-officer-realistic-reskin/
Darth Nihilus Animation Fix Update https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/1076
Revan Cutscene Forcepower Fix K2 https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/71
Kreia's Fall cutscene (in-game) 1.1 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1228-kreias-fall-cutscene-in-game/
- DIALOGUE CHANGES -
Dahnis Flirt Option for Female PC 1.0 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1400-dahnis-flirt-option-for-female-pc/
Bao Dur Shield Dialogue Restoration 1.1 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1206-bao-dur-shield-dialogue-restoration/
Choose Mira or Hanharr 🔥 https://www.moddb.com/mods/the-sith-lords-restored-content-mod-tslrcm/addons/choose-mira-or-hanharr
- PLAYER HEADMORPHS -
Canonical Jedi Exile 1.2 👩 🔥 (note: this is, personally, my fave headmorph.) https://deadlystream.com/files/file/170-canonical-jedi-exile/
PFHA04 Reskin 👩 (dark brown, contour, lips) https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/74
TOR Ports: Meetra Surik AKA Jedi Exile Female Player Head for TSL 1.0.1 👩 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1646-darth333s-ez-swoop-tsl/
Black Haired PMHC04 👨 https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/1025
- COMPANION MORPHS & TEXTURES -
Darth Sapien's Presents T3M4 HD 2k 1.00 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/514-darth-sapiens-presents-t3m4-hd-2k/
Darth Sapiens presents: HD 2K Visas Marr 1.0 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/519-darth-sapiens-presents-hd-2k-visas-marr/
4k Atton 1.0 (note: only used clothes, resized to 25%) 🗜️ https://deadlystream.com/files/file/441-4k-atton/
Atton Rand with scruff https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/38
Sparkling Mira https://deadlystream.com/files/file/527-sparkling-mira/
TSL Mira Unpoofed 1.0.1 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1733-tsl-mira-unpoofed/
Mira Shirt Edit https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/1075
Player & Party Underwear 2.0 🔥 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/344-player-party-underwear/
- NPC MORPHS & TEXTURES -
Luxa Hair/Body Fix 🔥 (note: INCLUDE outfit change) https://deadlystream.com/files/file/452-luxa-hair-fix/
Darth Sion remake https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/984
Darth Sapiens Presents: HD Darth Nihilus 1.00 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/367-darth-sapiens-presents-hd-darth-nihilus/
TSL Better Male Twi'lek Heads 1.3.1 (note: thin-neck version) https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1432-tsl-better-male-twilek-heads/
Malak with Hair (note: this shit’s canon) https://deadlystream.com/files/file/919-malak-with-hair/
- ADDITIONAL ARMORS -
Jedi Journeyman Robes (Luke ROTJ Outfit) 1.0.2 🔥 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1511-jedi-journeyman-robes-luke-rotj-outfit
TSL Bao-Dur's Charged Armor https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/20
TSL Improved Party Outfits 🔥 https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/934
Exile Armor (note: greyscaled in photoshop) 🛃 https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/4
- MISC MODS -
Party Leveler TSL https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/966
Green Level-Up Icon https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/26
Remote Tells Influence (note: appears to not currently work with TSLRCM) ⚠️ https://www.gamefront.com/games/knights-of-the-old-republic-ii/file/remote-tells-influence
Invisible Headgear 🔥 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/736-invisible-headgear/
Darth333's EZ Swoop [TSL] 1.0.0 (note: players say it does currently work with TSLRCM) https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1646-darth333s-ez-swoop-tsl/
- HD TEXTURE UPGRADES -
note: many of these textures overlap and will overwrite one another. i haven’t listed them in any particular order... except the first two. i suggest, if you really want almost every texture in the game to be upgraded, to install them first and let everything else overwrite according to your prefs. if you wanna keep it simple, i suggest just skipping this and the next category (loading screens)
...
*KOTOR 2 UNLIMITED WORLD TEXTURE MOD (note: resized to 25%) 🗜️ https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/1062
*Complete Character Overhaul - Ultimate HD Pack (note: resized to 25%) 🗜️ https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/1060
High Quality Blasters https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/919
HD Lightsabers https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/1013
The IceEclipse Power Textures https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/960
Fire and Ice HD https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/25
HD Foot Locker https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/990
TSL Backdrop Improvements https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/922
Improved Peragus Asteroid Fields 1.2 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/321-improved-peragus-asteroid-fields/
Telos Polar Academy Hangar Skybox 1.0.0 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1389-telos-polar-academy-hangar-skybox/
High Quality Ravager Backdrop https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/41
High Quality Stars and Nebulas https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/31
Sith Soldier armor retexture https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/1037
High Poly Grenades K2 https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/1001
HD Muzzle Flash https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/991
KotOR 2 Remastered (AI Upscaled) Cutscenes (note: 720p) https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/1066
K2 - Upscaled maps 🔥 https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/1086
Atris Holocrons https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/949
TSL HD Cockpit Skyboxes 3.1 (High Res TPC) https://deadlystream.com/files/file/931-tsl-hd-cockpit-skyboxes/
More Vibrant Skies 1.0 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/156-more-vibrant-skies/
Vurt's Exterior Graphics Overhaul https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/1044
Ebon Hawk HD - 4X Upscaled Texture (note: resized to 25%) 🗜️ https://www.nexusmods.com/kotor2/mods/1059
Ebon Hawk Model Fixes 2.0 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1033-ebon-hawk-model-fixes/
Peragus Administration Level Room Model Fixes 1.0.0 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1275-peragus-administration-level-room-model-fixes/
Peragus Large Monitor Adjustment 1.0 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/317-peragus-large-monitor-adjustment/
[TSL] Animated Computer Panel 1.1.0 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1385-tsl-animated-computer-panel/
Citadel Station Signage 1.1 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/308-citadel-station-signage/
Replacement Peragus II Artwork by Trench 1.0 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/361-replacement-peragus-ii-artwork-by-trench/
Replacement Texture for Lightning on Malachor V 1.2 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/298-replacement-texture-for-lightning-on-malachor-v/
Peragus Medical Monitors and Computer Panel 1.0.0 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1375-peragus-medical-monitors-and-computer-panel/
TSL Animated Galaxy Map 4.1 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/219-tsl-animated-galaxy-map/
- HD LOADING SCREENS -
Replacement Loading Screens for KotOR2: Original Pack (with or without TSLRCM) - Part 1 1.1 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1255-replacement-loading-screens-for-kotor2-original-pack-with-or-without-tslrcm-part-1/
Replacement Loading Screens for KotOR2: Original Pack (with or without TSLRCM) - Part 2 1.1 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1256-replacement-loading-screens-for-kotor2-original-pack-with-or-without-tslrcm-part-2/
Replacement Loading Screens for KotOR2: Original Pack (with or without TSLRCM) - Part 3 1.0 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1257-replacement-loading-screens-for-kotor2-original-pack-with-or-without-tslrcm-part-3/
Replacement Loading Screens for KotOR2: Add-On Pack (with or without TSLRCM) 1.3 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1253-replacement-loading-screens-for-kotor2-add-on-pack-with-or-without-tslrcm/
Nar Shaddaa Loadscreens (using Sharen Thrawn skybox and with horizontal overlay) 1.0 https://deadlystream.com/files/file/1238-nar-shaddaa-loadscreens-using-sharen-thrawn-skybox-and-with-horizontal-overlay/
- UNOFFICIAL RESTORATIONS -
The Sith Lords Restored Content Mod (TSLRCM) https://www.moddb.com/mods/the-sith-lords-restored-content-mod-tslrcm
Extended Enclave (TSLRCM add-on) https://www.moddb.com/mods/the-sith-lords-restored-content-mod-tslrcm/addons/extended-enclave-tslrcm-add-on
NPC Overhaul Mod (TSLRCM add-on) (note: this is an inane mess to install, tedious AF, and idk if i can say it’s worth it... but i did it and it didn’t break anything) https://www.moddb.com/mods/the-sith-lords-restored-content-mod-tslrcm/addons/npc-overhaul-mod
Party Swap (TSLRCM add-on) 🔥 https://www.moddb.com/mods/partyswap/news/partyswap-133
Coruscant Scene No Overlay (TSLRCM add-on) https://www.moddb.com/mods/the-sith-lords-restored-content-mod-tslrcm/addons/coruscant-scene-no-overlay
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Review (In Progress): THE WITCHER 3: WILD HUNT (2015)
The third and final (so far) game in The Witcher trilogy is big. Very big. Massive. Supermassive. Maybe I’m just a little intimidated by the depth and width and density of the game, but as of this writing, I’ve clocked in 62.4 hours on the game. That’s compared to the 48.1 hours of The Witcher and 31.5 hours of The Witcher 2. I’m closing in on the point where I’ve played Wild Hunt more than the first two games combined. From where I sit, there’s no end in sight, either; I have yet to complete the story, in addition to multiple sidequests, witcher contracts, and treasure hunts, not to mention the jawdropping expansion quests Hearts of Stone and Blood & Wine, which combined supposedly equal the length of the main story quest itself. Throw everything in a blender and pour it out, and I’ll be surprised if I eventually finish everything I’ve a mind for in under 150 hours. This is a big game. This is a dense game, packed with content every couple of miles or so, in a world where you can’t walk into a town without stumbling onto someone -- or something -- in need, and that’s ignoring the contracts on notice boards. People walk, talk, argue, cough, stumble around drunk, and get into fights with you. Oh yes, run afoul of local gangs, and they will come for you. Meanwhile, the vast open world is teeming with monsters to battle and loot, from the continual presence of drowners to the new griffins and basilisks. An overwhelming amount of content in a series that already packs plenty of content into each game. It would be far, far too much and monotonous if it wasn’t for one thing: developers CD Projekt Red write compelling material, and they know how to write a damn good story.
When the game opened up, it looked just like any other open world game I’ve ever played, and immediately I felt a pang of disappointment. I’ve done Far Cry 3, Horizon: Zero Dawn, Grand Theft Auto V, Assassin’s Creed: Origins, and like many of my gaming generation I get what to do. Seek out loot, checkpoints for fast travel, towns, fight things to get xp, ignore the “pressing” main story in favor of side quests for cool shit, yadda yadda yadda. Considering the first two Witcher games felt like original experiences in what they were trying to do, to walk into such a generic open-world framework was such a let down.
At first.
But then, something strange began to happen: I settled in. Two random quests twisted and convoluted into a connected thread, which was followed by a third main quest which circled back to this thread and elaborated on it. Suddenly a character who just seemed off her rocker was now a fearfully sympathetic human being, now seen in the light of someone else’s story. CD Projeckt Red hooked me, hooked me bad, and now this wide wide world was no longer a series of performances, it was the lives of people in this world and how Geralt affects them -- just like in the previous games. Only here, it’s bigger and wider and seemingly less connected, but it still all comes back together. Choices matter. People matter. The world itself twists and winds according to you, the witcher, and who you side with/fight for. Every other open world game I’ve played has had Things To Do, and this is no exception, but now suddenly it feels like everything matters. Before, everything I did felt like it was to further a progression percentage, to get trophies and upgrade items and simply arcade my way through a sandbox which promised “openness” but really was just all the levels of a video game laid out side-by-side so you could see them all at once instead of having to press through to get to the next one. This is the first time where I’ve really, honestly felt like I was walking through a living world, and to say that it’s captured me is an understatement. Where once I would have rolled my eyes at sidequesting in the face of a main quest where the point is to track someone down or save someone because it is incredibly important, now it feels like the most natural thing because the main quest requires you to go through some shit first. Every contract and quest met along the way furthers the main quest in some way or another, particularly when you open up new quests AFTER helping old friends, friends who now desperately need your help again, and what would happen if you weren’t there? Combine all of this with exceptional voice acting, talented writing, detailed animations, and we have compelling content literally around every corner. And that’s even when you’re just out searching for treasure or diagrams to make better witcher armor! Stories pop up everywhere, all of it interesting, even the slightest of things, and it truly crafts a distracting world to be enveloped by.
A living breathing world would be one thing all on its own, but thankfully Wild Hunt features the best-looking graphics in the series to date. I was genuinely worried that my old rig wouldn’t be able to handle a massive open-world game from 2015 without some tweaks (my desktop is old, shut up), but for the most part I’m running everything on high and it is breathtaking. Weather effects, god rays, BLOOM jesus christ I’m appreciating bloom in a video game for the very first time and I hate that I am but god fuck the first time you see the moon behind clouds in this game with bloom on, and I’m talking a full moon so it is BRIGHT and BEAUTIFUL and just. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Detailed textures and character models, the best in the series so far, a wide palette of colors (which sometimes makes the game look like a living painting, in the best of ways), absolutely masterful work. There’s the odd object-poking-through-something-it-really-shouldn’t, or the glitchy human being moving/acting/dying in ways they shouldn’t be, but that’s also a staple of both open world games and this series in general. Jank happens, especially in a game this size. It’s not as breaking as it has been in certain aspects of the first two games, and it’s mostly Bethesda-level charming. What matters though is that it doesn’t kill the experience, nor does it happen so often that it feels like the game is bugged or broken.
Combat, meanwhile, is still not perfect but it’s the best it’s been in the trilogy. Fast and furious, yet rewarding for those who have more patient skills, swordplay is easy and comfortable and versatile. Similar to the second game, one needs only turn the camera towards whichever enemy they want to attack and Geralt automatically goes for whichever monster or human is highlighted. Sometimes this can be fraught as the game will erratically highlight a different character than the one you’re facing, or will transfer the highlight to a different enemy if the one you were facing dances out of sight due to a roll or dodge or other maneuver. But it’s only frustrating sometimes; this was a flaw far more prevalent in the second game than here, and the lock-on mechanic is a godsend when paired against high-level creatures. With patience and tactics I’ve been able to competently square with beasts far too high level for me to tackle, and actually come out the victor, an idea that would be absolute suicide in the first two games. But now strategy versus simple number rolls can prevail, provided you are prepared and/or willing to have the patience to chip away while dodging for your life.
Wild Hunt is one of the few game worlds I’ve entered that feels stunningly alive. Whenever I start up the game, I am transported. Taken away. Breathlessly in awe of how real and vibrant the physical presence of the visuals on screen are. What a strange gift to behold. And, yet, aggravatingly, it frustrates me that most opinions I have encountered are that players don’t need to play through Witcher 1 & 2 in order to play this game. You certainly can, but so much context is lost. Geralt’s relationships with Triss and Yennifer and the struggles between them (that is, should you decide to romance Triss); the nostalgia and heartache of coming back to Kaer Morhen and revisting the other witchers; the friends and former alliances who pop up under vastly different circumstances; the paths taken and decisions made which impact where and how you begin this story. Wild Hunt is the culmination of a near-decade’s worth of storytelling, and the rewards for having played through the previous two games are plentiful. Nilfgaard’s invasion has extra oomph knowing where they were before, and walking through Vizima’s capital now occupied by Emperor Emhyr is especially chilling and devastating. I have no doubt that someone could pick up this game and play it and get the jist of what’s going on without playing the first two games. But will it mean as much? I daresay no. It is absolutely essential to play the first two games to truly feel the depth of impact that this story -- this world -- has to offer.
At this point in time it seems I’m coming upon some kind of resolution to the story. I’m off in search of allies to help combat a vicious foe, meaning it’s time to wrap up any side quests I still have in my ledger. There’s a lot to do. Once I’ve reached the conclusion of this game, this story, I’ll provide a wrap-up review. For now, this deep and still ploughing through, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is not only the best of the trilogy, it makes me want to go all the way back to the first game and play through the whole series again with different choices, for different outcomes, if only to see the roads I did not take and who was left behind. This is an amazing experience with literally hours of content to take in, and I am eager to devour the remainder.
Score (So Far): 9/10
#the witcher#wild hunt#blood and wine#hearts of stone#geralt of rivia#Yennefer of Vengerberg#Triss Merigold#CD Projekt RED#pc gaming#rpg#review#ck burch#ruby ranger#ranger report
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Why does most of your models use so many polygons? Mizuno always kept models simple so it looks like it belongs in minecraft but I'm still not over the teapot
I apologize on the wall of text you’re about to be bombarded with; but since i get this message quite often (usually off anonymous so i can answer privately) i’m posting it here. ((This is not meant as an attack on anon at all, i’m not upset or angry or anything, i promise!
The first thing i want to mention, is that I’ve cut down on a lot of the poly’s in my models, actually! I agree that a slightly simpler look, just looks better -- but i still like the angles. Just not so many @.@ I’ve been sticking to only using simple angles in newer models where they make sense instead of rounding everything off like i used to (unless it’s a very specific patreon item where they want it to look as close to their reference picture as possible) -- but at this point, the soft-cornered look it is the style that i like to use. You have to realize, that this pack is less than a year old. I learned how to model and make CIT, texture, and do everything else during the time i’ve been updating it (and i’m still learning! :D).
Just like any artist, i experiment with my style, and it’s taken me a while to find it. (look at the people who do the 5-year/10-year comparisons with their digital work! It’s amazing!! and their style changes SO MUCH :O I’m trying to fit all of that into love to go back an simplify some of the models (that aren’t patreon ones!) to better match the newer stuff, but 1) it takes a LOT of time that i don’t have at the moment, and 2) some people are very attached to the way something looks, so my option is either to change it and tell them to suck it up, or to add an alternate model and make the pack even BIGGER (which is my 1st highest complaint, so i’d rather not do that, lol)
I get questioned a lot about how & why i do things the way i do. Minty’s CIT does things incredibly simply (usually under 20 blocks) AND she textures things herself -- so why don’t I texture everything myself like she does? Why do i use Mizuno’s textures instead of making my own for every item? Why don’t i animate things like this other person instead of the way i’m doing it? Why do i use blockbench and not CubikStudio? Why didn’t i just make this a mod? Lots and lots of questions! I do my best to answer them all in the kindest and most patient way possible, but to put it simply: Because I’m doing it my way
Now, I am self-taught -- and while i appreciate pointers, tips, and help on making things better/easier on everyone (including myself!), I've come a long way on my own and it’s far too late to turn back now and suddenly change 2000+ items to match Mizuno’s cute chunky style.
An example i like to use is this: When people play Sims games and decide to download custom content: Not everything matches. Some people like super photo-realistic high-poly stuff. Others like Maxis-Match. Neither is wrong. Neither should be looked down on or argued about. It is a game that anyone can enjoy any way they like it -- and the same principal stands here. It may not “match” the same way, but it doesn’t mean people don’t enjoy it the same you happy, and if you find something missing, find an artist that can make it for you, or learn to make it yourself :D
People are welcome not to use Ghoulcraft -- i won’t be hurt i promise, lol -- and i highly encourage them to use whatever pack(s) makes them happy. I love pimping out other people’s packs (like Aria’s coffee shop/Adventure Kit, Dreamlandcraft, Minty’s Little Things, Mizuno’s, Itembound, Transmobifier, etc!). Do they all fit together and play nicely? Hell nah. We all use different textures, different models, different styles -- but that’s what makes it fun. It’s NOT the same thing, and you can see someone’s personality through what they made.
There are resource packs and modpacks that i absolutely cannot stand or that irk me -- but i would never message the artist to nitpick, complain, or put down their work just because i don’t like it -- i just don’t use it. ((Not saying this anon is doing so, but i have had messages previously, downright shitting on my pack and how much they hate it/how popular CIT is/etc. I don’t respond/publish it because i don’t feed negativity here. Minecraft is about building up -- not tearing down. So keep in mind when you message somebody, that what you’re saying is to a real person, and that tearing them down/insulting them/picking apart something they put a lot of time into, isn’t constructive or helpful at all -- to you, or to the person you’re messaging. Keep it constructive and helpful, or at least kind & polite. I know y’all know how to do that
Lastly -- As for the utah teapot -- it’s an easter egg in many video games. To pull straight from the wiki:
The Utah teapot, or the Newell teapot, is a 3D test model that has become a standard reference object and an in-joke[1] within the computer graphics community. It is a mathematical model of an ordinary teapot that appears solid, cylindrical, and partially convex. A teapot primitive is considered the equivalent of a "Hello, World" program, as a way to create an easy 3D scene with a somewhat complex model acting as a basic geometry reference for scene and light setup.
In short, it’s meant to be complex and realistic. If it were a regular square tetapot, it wouldn’t make as much sense, it would just be a normal teapot, lol. It was also a patreon-reward item from someone who wanted to see it in-game, and therefore will not be changed, sorry! Plus, Mizuno has already done 3 incredibly cute teapots/kettles, so i didn’t feel as though i needed to make one (unless maybe like, a recolor -- but i always feel weird recoloring their things).
Again, none of this was written in malice or anger, so i really really hope it doesn’t come across as such
#asks#faq#minecraft#ghoulcraft#personal#important#this isn'tt discourse i promise#i'm not angry or upset#i just ramble a lot!#Anonymous
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@demonwrestler boy howdy do i have recs for you! took me a lil while to collect my brain, but here’s some of what i’d consider some of the best ones out there rn:
enhanced inquisitor sliders: get lost for hours, trying to get your character’s scars just right! seriously, the extra customization is great.
i also like this mod for improving makeup, tho it makes certain npcs look a bit wild (lord seeker lucius has got wings for DAYS in my game, lmao). also highly rec sos brows.
hair: where to start! updates in frosty have allowed enterprising modders to do some excellent work recreating sims hairstyles or creating their own. i tend to avoid the fancier looks for suspension of disbelief reasons, but one has to appreciate the skill and variety: hairstyle day, misc hairstyles for frosty, curls for frosty, dark’s curly hair conversions, and anto hairstyles for dai are all incredible work. skaramoosh’s work also still holds up, including sk hair pack and sk qunari mini hair pack. for a few other ones i like, i’d suggest tweaked bun, messy hairs, and the many works of koric.
the main thing to keep in mind when modding hair (and most of these pages include a reminder of this in the description) is that you can only replace each vanilla hair with one mod hair at a time (eg, only one mod that replaces hair 052). they’ll always tell you which hairstyle they’re replacing, you’ve just got to keep track if you’re using multiple at once. also: any npc using the same hair as you will also be changed.
complexions: you probably already grabbed these, but ascendia’s stuff is largely considered the gold standard for complexions. here are frosty ports for her stuff: [1] [2]. shepshy has a nice one here, if you like moles. you may also want to check out work by kittentails and ihuntalone (haven’t tried them myself, since i don’t think my desktop could handle 4k)
somewhat related: there’s a modpack for qunari under the name susi adaar, and it has a makeup file for them that allows for truly fantastic freckles. also, since i’m here and i am incredibly biased in favor of qunari and dwarves, i thought i’d share a few mods that cater to them, bc i have had to do a damn lot of digging thru hf/ef only stuff:
ornamental horns
bigger horns for femqunari
horns of plenty
scion of glory
the carta cut
dwarven skyhold outfit retextures
dwarven finery
and finally custom body models bc give me my broad shoulders and wide dwarven hips back, you cowards
oh, and on that note, if you’d like a more character-specific look than the intro provides, you can try tirnoney’s immersive starting armors or invisible prologue outfit. and there are dozens and dozens of options for pjs and formal wear, so i’ll just drop these here:
dress: wedding dress replacer for frosty, sk’s mesh edit (works with all retexes!), the dress by jacknifelee, the dress but halloween this time, prestige couture, kittentails’ elf dresses and retexes
formal wear: exquisition for frosty, champagne and truffles, sk’s stuff for frosty, decorated formal wear
pjs: libelula (now including dwarves), brocade outfit (now including men), jammas of the kadan
the good news abt wedding dress edits are every texture works on every inquisitor. no worries abt “only for hf and ef,” unlike with pjs. just have to keep in mind you can only have one retex at a time also it really flattens the figure and the mismatch w skintones drives me nuts. or, if you’d like to just wear a vanilla orlesian dress, padme4000 has recently released orlesian dress for the inquisitor.
and, of course, i’d be remiss if i didn’t mention inquisitor wardrobes. i haven’t used it, bc it’s a bundle and i’m concerned abt conflicts, but it has a lot of fun options.
finally, here’s some stuff for flower crowns, bc we deserve it: [1] [2] [3]
gameplay stuff:
this playthru i’ve been using inquisitor from the start, which allows you to use all 3 class specializations from the beginning (in fact, if you’re a mage, your starting abilities become spirit blade and stonefist, which takes some adjusting to...). definitely op, and a lot of fun. i’ve been enjoying finally exploring rift mage so much i might make it my adaar’s canon spec.
jerrybullet has made all kinds of other ability tree mods that make things easier and/or more fun, like removing prerequisites. highly recommend checking out his stuff.
spirit blade nerf revert: bc fuck balance.
i haven’t tried this one by soriyumi, but based on how much i’m enjoying this one of theirs, both are worth mentioning.
necromancy enhanced: haven’t tried it, but i suspect it’s relevant to your interests!
i also recommend going ahead and using someone else’s playthru to unlock the golden nug, bc fuck it. i want the blade of tidarion and i want it now, you know?and everything is easier in tier 4 gear, even if it’s made using tier 1 mats.
which, speaking of, i recommend upgrading a bunch of cool schematics to tier 4 and adding a useful crafting mat shop to redcliffe or even the crossroads. bc i’m all abt fashion and violence.
oh, and this doesn’t really fit in any of my loose categories here, but: party at the winter palace. and sera mod. both by sapphim, both v good. and here is a bundle mod for getting modded content to show up in dlcs (esp useful in the black emporium, obv).
i did say i had a lot of recs, yeah? lmao
#as an aside#that skaramoosh textures for frosty mod actually has a ton of stuff#including that hot blackwall one#jus sayin#long post
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73 questions.
I was tagged by @wescoasts @machine-gun-casie (BABES)
Almost all my friends have been tagged and I don't wanna be that asshole so ill try not to be. I tag @awkwardrocker @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @trixiehoe @she-who-is-timey-wimey
On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?
Well it’s finals week so about -864. After that I have two weeks of legitimate nothing where I will bake my heart out so we’ll see
Describe yourself in a hashtag?
#yikes #ughshesinherfeelsagain
If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?
Milo Ventimiglia, Kells, Rook.....being a music video love interest is only my life’s pipe dream
If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?
And that’s on daddy issues and no supervision...
What’s one thing people don’t know about you?
I used to model like went to modeling school and got paid for it type shit
What’s your wakeup ritual?
get woken up by my dog tired of hearing my alarm, walk said opinionated quadruped, feed quadruped, get dressed, COFFEE, then take life as it comes
What’s your go to bed ritual?
melatonin gummies (gotta make anxiety fun), skincare when executive dysfunction will allow, brush teeth, fight dog for my spot in bed (moving a 90lb animal is no joke), turn on my sleep playlist or use my ambient noise app, stare at ceiling
What’s your favorite time of day?
witching hour followed by golden hour
Your go to for having a good laugh?
lately tiktok and Kellyvisions, previously vine compilations or Netflix specials
Dream country to visit?
Ireland. I NEED to go to the motherland. My families castle is still standing and I get in for free. its on my bucket list FOR SURE.
What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?
getting into nursing school and chiropractic school. I’m a loser and I’ve never had a surprise party. I’d melt in puddle of love tbh
Heels or flats/sneakers?
Flats 98% of the time. Heels are reserved for business casual necessity, Halloween, or if I’m feeling myself
Vintage or new?
both, depends on the item
Who do you want to write your obituary?
Amy-Sherman Palladino
Style icon?
lmao a what? on the real though catch me fucking with those eco-friendly kitchen witch vibes. All the dainty jewelry, linens and converse/docks fam
What are three things you can’t live without?
my dog, my family (found and blood), healing people however I can (medicine ruined me for any other career and its sucks you guys)
What’s one ingredient you put in everything?
tbh salt, I question a recipes validity if salt isn't involved
What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?
Kells and the band (I'd be too nervous for a one on one), a dinner party with my MGK fam, Elvis
What’s your biggest fear in life?
Failure, not accomplishing anything
Window or aisle seat?
window all day everyday, on the wing preferably cause I like to feel the landing gear #pilotsgranddaughter
What’s your current TV obsession?
Roadies forever, pry that series from my cold dead hands (also Gilmore Girls and Criminal Minds)
Favorite app?
tie between Tumblr and Pinterest (im an aesthetic slut)
Secret talent?
I am bomb at disney princess songs, the girls I babysit for treat me like a jukebox at bedtime, cutest thing ever
Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?
delivered a baby has hands down been the coolest thing I’ve ever done
How would you define yourself in three words?
I fucking hate this question. always have. empathetic, resilient, intuitive
Favourite piece of clothing you own?
overall: my senior prom dress. its emerald green, backless, with a slit to upper thigh chefs kiss
everyday wear: Colorado sweatshirt
Must have clothing item everyone should have?
I second Jude: over sized hoodies
Superpower you would want?
nonspecific healing powers so they aren't limited to physical ailments
What’s inspiring you in life right now?
Colson
Best piece of advice you’ve received?
HA. probably that the body remembers more about trauma than the mind and your seemingly irrational physical reactions to things are your brain’s attempt to protect you
Best advice you’d give your teenage self?
his mistake does not define your worth. I went for a variant of these boys aint shit don't judge me cause she needs to hear it
A book that everyone should read?
Harry Potter series (yes the whole thing), Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson, The Giver by Lois Lowry
What would you like to be remembered for?
empathy, the way I made people feel
How do you define beauty?
FOR THE LAST TIME ITS SUBJECTIVE, things that give you peace, it could be a song, a person, a sunset, a scone, a leaf. If it makes you stop a second and exhale then its beautiful to you
What do you love most about your body?
holy trigger question Batman...my eyes, my hair color, texture, and its ability to grow
Best way to take a rest/decompress?
drive with the windows down and blast music while singing at the top of my lungs
Favorite place to view art?
unexpected places, like street corners, carnivals, just somewhere it takes you off guard and makes you stop and pay attention
If your life were a song, what would the title be?
it’d be one of those crazy long 2000s fall out boy titles for sure, subject matter yet to be determined
If you could master one instrument, what would it be?
violin hands down, it hits me different
If you had a tattoo, where would it be?
I have a bunch planned, plane on my right shoulder, Kells related between 3rd and 4th ribs (maybe lower in case I ever need a chest tube), watercolor portrait of my dog at some point location TBD
Dolphins or koalas?
dolphins are stoners and they're super smart, but koalas cause they’re grumpy af and honestly same
What’s your spirit animal?
again Jude and I are vibin: I've been identifying with a phoenix as of late. according to pottermore im a greyhound though (yes a patrons is a wizarding spirit animal. fight me)
Best gift you’ve ever received?
seven year old me was stoked to get a functional microscope and metal detector, I was in my egyptology/archeology phase, I still have them lmao
Best gift you’ve ever given?
oh hell idk...I made my cousin cry once cause I made cupcakes for her birthday party, they were cherry limeade flavored and had little straws and everything. that was pretty cool, granted she was seven. I also made my teacher cry cause I made sea salt caramel chocolate cupcakes for her going away party. I guess my baking brings people to tears
What’s your favourite board game?
candy land, battleship, cards against humanity even though there isn't a board
What’s your favourite colour?
forest green atm
Least favourite colour?
bright yellow/orange, its offensive to my general The Dirt Mick Mars disposition
Diamonds or pearls?
pearls (actually opals though)
Drugstore makeup or designer?
not picky provided they are evironmentally friendly. I really like Besame Cosmetics though
Blow-dry or air-dry?
air-dry, I don't have the patience for blow drying
Pilates or yoga?
yoga
Coffee or tea?
COFFEE, im still learning to like tea
What’s the weirdest word in the English language?
holy shit how much time do we have, my favorite weird word to say is fistula or omphalocele (they're medical conditions, don't goole it unless you have a strong stomach)
Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?
dark chocolate
Stairs or elevator?
stairs
Summer or winter?
neither FALL BITCHES winter if I had to pick cause I love Christmas
You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?
burgers
A desert you don’t like?
red velvet cake....just why is it a thing that exists
A skill you’re working on mastering?
baking scones or shit that’s flaky in general
Best thing to happen to you today?
being tagged to do this twice, I felt special for a hot second (thanks babes)
Best compliment you’ve ever received?
that I would make a good doctor (I handled a scary pt situation like a champ, they didn't know I threw up after I made sure my pt didn't die. puking in a foreign country on the download is a skill in and of itself)
Favorite smell?
bergamot, baking bread, baking spice cakes at Christmas
Hugs or kisses?
HUGS CAN SAVE THE WORLD
If you made a documentary, what would it be about?
gifted kid fall off
Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?
In These Walls - Machine Gun Kelly
Casual Sabotage - Yungblud
genius assholes...
Lipstick or lip gloss?
lipstick for special occasions but actually tinted chapstick or lip stains
Sweet or savoury?
savory to eat sweet to make for someone else
Girl crush?
Brittney Furlan Lee, Alexis Bledel, Lauren Graham
How you know you’re in love?
you look at them and just say yep. them. usually while they're doing something stupid
Song you can listen to on repeat?
imma out myself but Swing Life Away - Machine Gun Kelly
If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?
the grass is not greener ya’ll. id rather go back and relive days
What are you most excited about at this time in your life?
hopefully passing my first trimester of chiropractic school. fingers crossed pls
#quarantine games#don't come for me people#if you identify with this stuff hit me up#I can always use more quarantine buddies#love and good vibes to you all
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The Art of Review: YIIK: A Postmodern RPG
I have been sitting here for about two hours with this tab open, trying to find out how to properly introduce this. At the time of writing this (May 7, 2019, 10:02 PM), I have just finished watching YIIK several hours ago. However, I have been doing just about everything to avoid actually writing about it, because I have no idea how to ease the reader into this.
YIIK is so reprehensible that I created this segment--”The Art of Review”--because I needed to talk about this game. I needed to explain just why this game fails on every single account, and is so blatantly offensive. Initially, I was going to do a piece on something creator Andrew Allanson had said about games and his protagonist, Alex. It had to do with character development, and a common criticism was Alex’s sheer lack of it; naturally, I decided to watch a walkthrough online in order to see this for myself first-hand.
I was not prepared for what I saw. I have never had to take as many breaks from any media before due to sheer anger at what I was witnessing. I have never seen a game that fails in every single sense, that is regarded as such high art by its developers. Except maybe David Cage, but he’s a topic for another day.
YIIK: A Postmodern RPG is one of the worst pieces of media I have ever had the displeasure of viewing... probably in my entire life. I wish I was exaggerating.
Before I go any further, I would like give immense credit to GrandmaParty and the others at the Something Awful forums for doing an LP of the game with commentary and cutting out the fights. GrandmaParty graciously linked the thread to me--which is full of sources that I will also be linking to throughout this piece--and made the entire game tolerable enough for me to power through. It wouldn’t have happened without you guys, so thank you very much for extending a hand to a small creator trying to get her footing in the world. <3
I will also be linking to the various episodes of GrandmaParty’s LP with timestamped links to show particular scenes or dialogue. I’ve heard that one Andrew Allanson likes to say that people doctored screenshots of his game to make him look bad. Sorry, but I don’t like being accused of forgery, so I’m going to just preemptively strike that claim down.
Now then. This is going to be a big, long review. Allow me to tell you how we’ll be separating this.
We’re going to have two main sections: a non-spoiler review, and a spoiler review. This is mainly due to the fact that a lot of the game’s issues come from its mess of a story, one that can only be understood fully if you’ve seen it through to the end (and its multiple endings).
But let me be clear here.
DO NOT BUY THIS GAME.
Don’t buy it for a laugh. Don’t buy it to see how bad it is. It’s broken, it’s offensive, and the creators and proven themselves time and time again to be genuinely awful and prejudiced people. Do not give these people money.
The non-spoiler and spoiler sections will be divided into subsections, which may also have subsections of their own.
With that said... let’s begin my review of YIIK: A Postmodern RPG.
Non-Spoiler Review
Plot:
The plot of YIIK (it’s pronounced like Y2K, but I’m going to pronounce it as ‘yick’ personally) follows Alex, a freshly-graduated college student, and the strange events that begin to occur once he returns to his hometown of Frankton. He follows a cat to an old factory/hotel, where he meets Sammy, a young woman who appears to live there. When she is taken by some mysterious creatures in front of Alex, he begins a journey to try and find out what happened to her, and begins to make discoveries that could endanger the very fabric of the universe. In theory, at least. In reality, the story is an absolute clusterfuck of vague metaphysics, and the rules of the world were never clearly established, so everything just becomes an incoherent mess.
Characters:
The characters are bare-bones at best and absolutely insufferable at worst. Alex especially is infamous among critics and detractors of the game for his arrogance, ignorance, underlying racism/sexism we’ll get to that, and lack of properly-written development. I’m not going to go into full detail with Alex just yet--there will be an entirely separate post on him. Something also to keep in mind that general consensus appears to be that Alex is an author-insert for Andrew Allanson. Whether that is or isn’t true is frankly up to the viewer, but there’s no definitive proof of it.
(Oh!!! Quick thing!! This image here keeps circulating around--this person is not Andrew! That is someone named Cr33pyDude on both Twitter and Reddit! He just so happens to look like the main character. Don’t rag on this guy, everyone, he doesn’t have anything to do with this shitshow. <3)
Most of the other characters are bland and underdeveloped, but all have potential to be better (Rory especially, in my personal opinion) if they were in the hands of a better writer. The female characters, though... either they are fawning over Alex, being written as nagging and overbearing, or having so little significance that taking them out entirely would change nothing. Don’t worry, we’ll get to that. Other NPCs are forgettable, and enemies are out-of-place monsters that hold no consequence to the story.
Writing:
And the writing--dear god the writing. The writers don’t know the phrase “show, don’t tell.” So frequently would Alex monologue about nothing. Upon coming back from seeing a woman get taken by supernatural creatures, he goes home and reflects--only to go on a tangent about his mother. Immediately after that, he goes on a rant about p/o/r/n/ when sent an email and how girls that he used to go to school with wouldn’t be doing “particularly unladylike” things. And the entire game is like this. Alex will go on pseudo-philosophical rants to himself, and they reveal nothing about his character except that he thinks he’s better than everyone else. He’ll also frequently describe things as though talking to someone--while this does get explained later, it still is completely frustrating when the narrative says “I said this and she said that” instead of just having dialogue or actions between characters. A lot of the dialogue doesn’t exactly... sound like anything a human would say. It’s stilted and unnatural.
Graphics:
The graphics are... bad. Really bad. The style is supposed to be a throwback to old-school, very polygonal games, but environments lack any and all actual texture, making them incredibly flat and uninteresting at best and painful for the eyes at worst. Everything is extremely colorful, but in the sense of neon colors. Everything is so bright and vibrant, and there is barely a place where someone’s eyes can rest--it’s balance in art. Brightness like this needs to be contrasted with darker, more muted shades, or else it just hurts to look at. The viewer’s eyes need places to rest, and the muted shades allow them that reprieve. You don’t get that with YIIK. It’s just a constant bombardment of colors and lights, to the point where if you are sensitive to these kinds of things, you may not want to look even at game footage unless you’re prepared. The character portraits are fine, even if some expressions are odd, but the in-game chibi-esque models are... bad. Really bad. They’re so uncanny and unsettling, and their expressions almost never change. (Also Alex has detailed teeth and it’s just as horrifying as you might think.)
Music/Audio:
The music is. Awful? It’s awful. It’s genuinely really bad. Case in point: one of the boss battle themes. You can hear this poor guy trying so hard to put power behind his voice, but it just sounds unnatural and strained. (Also he clips the mic at some points, and the balancing in general is. Bad.) He’s out-of-tune and occasionally off-beat, and it just makes for a very unpleasant listening experience. And a lot of the music is like this, being just an assault on the ears. The one real exception to this is the track “Into the Mind” made by one Toby Fox, presumably before he made Undertale and was doing freelance work. (He has since deleted his tweet promoting it. Screenshot of the tweet here, courtesy of @GameTheoryRejects.) The audio in general is poor, with irritating sound effects, occasional distorted audio that’s supposed to be scary but is so poorly done that it just hurts to listen to, and voice acting that’s lackluster at best and utterly emotionless at worst.
Gameplay:
Full disclosure: I did not personally play the game. But just looking at it shows how irritating, slow, clunky, and repetitive it is. Each character has a minigame that you play in order to attack, defend, use special attacks, and even run away. These minigames, unlike in something like the Mario & Luigi series, are slow, drawn-out, and completely break up the flow of the fight. And none of the other characters matter then anyway, because turns out if you max out your LUK stat, you can use a particular move that hits all enemies and completely one-shot them from critical damage. (And this move can even glitch out the game in some cases!) The menus are crowded and visually uninteresting, making everything sort of meld together. (Another minor criticism: YIIK has a tendency to put the player in unwinnable fights. You are never aware of what fights are winnable and which fights are designed to kill you. More on this later.)
Speaking of gameplay, the leveling system is... bizarre and tedious. You get EXP, but you don’t gain the ability to level up (yes that is an ability you have to gain) until a couple hours into the game. Leveling up is done in the Mind Dungeon, which you access from save points, and you have to go through doors that increase the stats you assign it. There are four doors per floor, and when you go to the next floor, you and all of your teammates (even if you haven’t met them in-game) level up. Sounds simple, right? Well. It’s slow and repetitive, and NOTHING HAPPENS. You walk in a door. You walk out the door. Rinse and repeat for 70 floors. (280 doors, by the way.) Here’s GrandmaParty doing this for an hour to get an idea of the tedium that this induces. You get to play a minigame when you banish certain enemies, but that serves less as ‘spicing up the gameplay’ and more of ‘adding more steps to this already-boring section.’
So to recap: Flat characters, word-salad plot, painful prose flat-out ugly graphics, backwards gameplay and leveling system.
Tl;dr: Game bad. Don’t buy it.
... This ends the non-spoiler portion of the review. And also the section where we start to talk about some... sensitive topics.
As such, I am going to issue a legitimate trigger warning: the following pieces talk about suicide/depression in detail, as well as physical & domestic abuse situations.
And a small content warning for those who aren’t legitimately triggered by these subjects but still feel uncomfortable reading about the following: homophobia/transphobia; sexism; racism; and the actual use of a real-life woman’s death as a plot device. No I am not fucking kidding about that last one.
So. Let’s get into the real shit about YIIK.
Spoiler Review
Plot:
Let’s start with the plot. There isn’t really a driving force for this plot; initially, it’s finding Semi “Sammy” Pak (well, everyone except Rory says “Park,” even though all of the written lines say “Pak,” so that’s great) after she is taken by mysterious figures. However, as the game progresses, the search becomes less about finding Sammy until she’s just a footnote, and becomes more about... meandering around the world going from one goal to another while fighting things. (The game points this out, but self-awareness doesn’t excuse the fact that it happens. Especially considering the upcoming plot points...)
Then the metaphysics start--people have been trying to decipher this world’s rules for a while with little success, so bear with me, I’m going to try to make as much sense of what we’re given as possible.
There exists a “place between places“ known as the Soul Space. It exists between parallel realities. A person can actually will themself into the Soul Space via... depression? One character, Vella, says that another character, Rory, left his body when he “surrendered himself to his misery” following the death of his younger sister, and explained herself that she fell into a deep depression as well before entering the Soul Space... but it’s not dying? Or it can be? Here Rory asks The Essentia 2000 oh we’ll get to her don’t you worry if dying means you enter the Soul Space. She says that it’s complicated. Her explanation boils down to, “if you care only about material goods and not about your bonds, when you die, you will cease to exist. If you don’t care about materialistic goods when you die, then ehhhhh???”
Also, if your reality is destroyed but you go into the Soul Space, you can become a Soul Survivor (aka the not-Starmen, seen in the cutscene with Vella and Rory linked above) and get stuck in other’s realities as you try to find a physical body. Also, people share a Soul across parallel realities--meaning, parallel versions of yourself would share the same Soul. But they’re not the same people. They have different lives, races, genders, names, but they share the same “Soul.” Only one person with that “Soul” can exist in a reality at a time, hence the form that the Soul Survivors take if they enter a reality where another person with that “Soul” lives. If, however, that person with your “Soul” is no longer in that reality, you can retake physical form and essentially take their place--though not as them, but as you.
And if you go into the Soul Space you apparently understand the secrets of the universe and are beyond normal human follies.
Confused yet? Me too, and I wrote this damn thing. The worldbuilding is so vague, and the players aren’t given set rules that the world plays by. Even when the more surrealist elements of the game start to appear, there should still be rules. Perhaps nonsensical rules, but rules nonetheless. Instead we get talk about Souls and parallel realities, scenes of bright colors and strange imagery that never gets explained or really acknowledged (other than a mention of them being “breaks in reality” like, once), and some plot twists that imply... a lot.
Let’s talk about the characters before we get to the ending.
Characters
Besides Alex, there are five major characters in YIIK:
Michael, who is Alex’s childhood friend and who doesn’t really have much relevance between the beginning and the end of the game. No, really, for the middle portion of the game, he doesn’t really do anything. He hangs around, that’s about it. He gains relevance again during the end of the game where he goes into the Soul Space and becomes Proto-Michael, and that... happens, I guess. I think it contributes to the revelation later on about reality breaking.
Vella is... a strange character. A strange character forced to contradict herself because the plot demands it. She’s shown to be a character who takes no shit, but also bends at the first flimsy apology Alex gives her. She is compassionate to someone like Rory, but spends most of her time calling out Alex. (And yet, somehow, they fall in love???) These notes I took previously on Vella’s first appearance show how what kind of walking contradiction that Vella is as a character:
”Stop creeping on me while i’m at work”
”Okay I’ll go to the house of two strangers who i just accused of perving on me, in the middle of my work shift, to look at these pictures of me on this website i’ve never heard of that can’t go wrong”
”So let me tell you about this traumatizing experience i had with a supernatural creature, saying how emotional and painful it was without any emotion in my voice”
”also i’m not going to tell you how I got to where the supernatural creature was because it’s very personal and I don’t know you and revealing that would make me vulnerable”
”By the way I’m going to give you my number as well as this other number for a training dungeon basically because I like you two”
... yeah,
Rory is probably my favorite character out of this dreck, and he deserves so, so much better than being in this shit. He’s a quiet scene kid who initially gets roped into the plot with the disappearance of his 12-year-old sister--turns out, however, that she killed herself, and Rory struggles with the resulting grief, trauma, and depression that follows. He’s a sweet kid who’s a pacifist, is teaching himself how to make games, knows a lot of random bits of information about many things, and overall deserves so much better than this game. Sorry Allansons you’ve lost your Rory privileges he is My son now
Claudio and Chondra... are just kind of there? Claudio’s a stereotypical weeb. Chondra is the “sassy black girl”/little sister type (which is later revealed to be even stranger, because she’s apparently a graduate student). They don’t have much outside of that, and that’s a shame, since they had a lot of potential to be really good. However, they also seem a bit... tacked on and included for diversity’s sake, as both of them mention racism at some point, and... yeah. The game isn’t very graceful with that topic, as I’ll soon get into.
There is also the character of Panda, who appears out of nowhere in the factory/hotel and is never questioned. It becomes very clear that he’s a figment of Alex’s imagination, and is Alex personifying him as his sort of “conscious“ when he is, in reality, only a stuffed bear. He only talks when Alex is alone. A lot of people really don’t like him, but I will admit that I got mildly emotional when he drifted away in space near the end--but only because I myself make stuffed animals and dolls, so nearly any stuffed animal holds a place in my heart. However, I can very much see why people wouldn’t like him at all.
Anyway.
The Fucking Ending:
So everyone just kind of meanders around for the middle portion of the game until surprise! On New Years’ Eve the world is going to be destroyed. Not just the world--the entire reality. And it’s going to be Alex’s fault, somehow. Also Sammy--who Alex becomes obsessed with--Vella--who is an explicit love interest for Alex--and an android--the previously-mentioned The Essentia 2000, who Alex has a dream about and immediately becomes infatuated--with all turn out to be the same person! Why pick between love interests when they can all just turn out to be the same person?! Also, Sammy was taken by apparent demons because her Soul was in the process of going into the Soul Space, and the creatures the took her were actually the other 2/3rds of her Soul that had already gone into the Soul Space and they were just collecting the last piece. I think.
The game turns into a watered-down version of Persona 3, where you have about a month--from Thanksgiving until New Years’ Eve--to train and get strong enough to stop whatever is going to destroy reality. (The actual Y2K thing is mentioned about halfway through and serves little relevance other than to mark when the end of the world is, since Y2K isn’t actually the cause of the world ending). Then there are some weird plot twists about how reality has been breaking for a long while (this was briefly foreshadowed in Alex going to Michael’s house only to be told that Michael doesn’t live there, and then going to another house where Michael is) and it makes a lot of things really confusing?? And then New Years’ Eve comes where everything is really breaking. Turns out the end of this reality is caused by a meteor with Alex’s face on it a la the moon from Majora’s Mask, no I am not fucking kidding. And it moves around like an inflatable arm-flailing tube man, no I am not fucking kidding.
And then everyone dies. No, really, this is an unwinnable fight. You die. Your entire party dies. Their reality is destroyed.
Alex wanders around the Soul Space for a while until he finds other versions of himself, and various “dark versions” merge together to create the Proto-Comet (’proto’ being the suffix to describe the end product of parallel selves merging together to form one entity). Alex follows the comet around as it destroys reality after reality until...
He finds one that hasn’t been attacked.
And gueeeeeeess what?
You, the player, are a parallel version of Alex. So he enlists you and another party of parallels (using the names you were supposed to input in the beginning) to destroy Proto-Alex. Here, you meet a spectre who is very obviously Sammy Pak, and she says that she’s sorry that Essentia “used her to get to you,” and you hug her.
Eventually you do get to Proto-Alex, as well as a different form of Essentia. Turns out that Essentia lied to you about Sammy and Vella--turns out, Essentia IS you. Well, Essentia is part of Alex, and she tricked Alex into destroying Proto-Alex in order to free herself from the “Soul” that they share. So you can choose to fight Proto-Alex, and if you do, you lose. Again. The boss fight in unwinnable.
And then this... really weird section happens with the character of Roy from Two Brothers, Ackk Studios’ previous game that got pulled from Steam due to bugginess and crashing. Roy basically says that people were “trying to stop his quest” (aka critics) and that Alex shouldn’t give up. (Note that this is a complete non-sequitur to anyone who doesn’t know who Roy is, where he came from, or the story behind the game being pulled.)
After that, you control both the player avatar given and Alex in order to “unplug” Proto-Alex and Essentia, which will make them “whole”? It basically means that all the versions of Alex will merge together into you, the player.
Then the game ends.
At least. Kind of. There’s more than one ending.
But... we’ll get back to that in a bit.
There are many questions the game raises without answers. Why was Sammy bleeding and screaming for the Soul Survivors not to take her because “you promised you wouldn’t move me again!”? Who actually is Vella? Why did no one question Essentia and Vella being in the same space if it was already said that they couldn’t be? Who actually is Sammy? Why is she a ghost and not a Soul Survivor? Why were Proto-Alex and the other “dark Alex”-es trying to destroy realities? Why does Proto-Alex look different than the other Alex-es, who look relatively similar? Who actually was the voice on the phone--it was implied to be Proto-Michael, but he didn’t exist when those phone calls were made? Is Claudio and Chondra’s missing younger brother actually a version of Alex, as this clip implies (esp. w/ the anime shirt)?
Good luck getting answers, because we sure as hell don’t get any.
Also--glad to know that the entire month of training that you spent the latter half of the game doing was all for naught, since the last two major fights you’re in are unwinnable. There are four minibosses to fight, so it isn’t all for nothing, but still. You don’t even get the satisfaction of killing the final boss. You pull a lever and he and Essentia get weirdly electrocuted.
One more thing: the twist of “Essentia lied to you” made a metric fuckton of exposition in her Mind Dungeon utterly pointless, and also feels like a flimsy excuse to absolve Alex of blame for the shitty actions of his parallel selves--more on that later.
So let’s touch on some controversy now that we have gone over the rest of this incoherent mess of a plot.
Elisa Lam
One of the most famous controversies of YIIK is the use of Elisa Lam’s death to propel the story. This is true--the creator admits that he “was very moved” by Lam’s death.
For those not in the know, let me give you a brief summary of the case of Elisa Lam. (Yes this is going to be primarily from Wikipedia but it also has news sources cited for it.) Elisa Lam was a 21-year-old Chinese-Canadian student who was reported missing at the beginning of February 2013. On February 17th, the workers at the Cecil Hotel in Los Angeles (where Lam was visiting) discovered her nude body in one of the hotel’s water tanks after guests complained about the taste of the water. The police released footage of Lam, from the day of her disappearance, acting strangely in an elevator, appearing to be hiding from something, pressing elevator buttons, and gesturing and talking to no one. There was controversy surrounding her death, as people wondered how she could have locked herself in the water tank, and how the police could rule her death as accidental. People have suspected that it was due to paranormal activity that she was acting like that, or others said that she could have been having hallucinations (as Lam was diagnosed with bipolar and depression). Her death was quickly spread through internet circles as some paranormal myth.
YIIK incorporates this as a huge part of its starting plot.
Semi “Sammy” Pak is very clearly inspired by Elisa Lam. The two bear striking resemblance to one another, being young Asian women in their early twenties with straight black hair (even parted in the same place)--and this photo from the LA Times shows that Lam wore rounded glasses, like the ones Sammy wears. (Lam is Chinese-Canadian, while Sammy is stated to be Koren-American. Sammy is also 23 when Lam was 21.)
This photoset from JamJamJamJamuel shows the biggest criticism of YIIK: the recreation of the elevator video. It’s obvious by the angle and some of Sammy’s movements that this was, in fact, meant to emulate the elevator video of Lam. The game also shows that people are less concerned about Sammy as a person and more about the mystery of the elevator, like the internet stopped caring about Lam as a person and more of a supernatural myth.
However, there’s more than just this.
There’s a weird... almost fetishistic nature when the in-game protagonist talks about Sammy. Alex describes his meeting with her as “intimate” (they met for like. an hour), calls her “my Sammy” when comparing his story to the story of the news, says that he “misse[s] her. I didn’t know her really, but I felt like I did.” And the very next line is uh. “In the unreal twilight hours, in-between sleep and waking, she slipped into my dreams, got tangled in my thoughts, like the blankets tangled between my legs, her brain melting with mine.”
... Gross, to say the least.
And yes, by the way, Sammy basically becomes a love interest. That’s not completely disrespectful and disgusting to the actual human woman that the devs never met or anything at aaaaaaaall.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.
Rory basically goes on to describe a “creepy urban myth” about the water tower near his town. You can imagine what that leads to. It’s a beat-by-beat retelling of the finding of Elisa Lam’s body, except they make it a “nameless girl,” and the writers basically insert their opinions of how it was definitely a murder and the police called it an accident.
More tasteless than a fucking saltine.
OH BUT WAIT THERE’S EVEN MORE.
Near the end of the game, you find the ghost of Sammy Pak. Since she’s not a part of Essentia, it seems that Essentia used her form to get to Alex. She says that she’s sorry and that she’s going to go back ‘home’ now, and you hug her.
But that’s not even the worst of it.
Allow me to tell you about the second ending.
Second Ending:
YIIK has more than one ending--both are considered canon. Ending 1 is the one described above.
Ending 2, however...
Just before leaving the house for the last time, in order to get this second ending, you have to look at the computer in Alex’s house and read this post. It implies that you need to go find Sammy. (It also has some things to say about postmodernism but that’s for another day.)
You go outside... and she’s hiding behind a tree outside your house. No I’m not kidding. (Granted, this is the part of the game where reality is beginning to break apart, so.) She also says “I love you” which, given her “inspiration” by Elisa Lam... yeah. That’s not creepy and tasteless at all. And it also doesn’t make any FUCKING SENSE BECAUSE ALEX KNEW HER FOR AN HOUR AND NEVER SAW HER AGAIN.
Okay, okay, anyway, if you go back into the house and leave through the back entrance, you’ll be taken to the world map. Your destination is the KNN--the Korean News Network, where Sammy had been employed before she vanished. The faceless NPCs only refer to Alex as the name you put in at the beginning of the game, so presumably, everyone from this point forward is now talking to you, the player. (Also everything is pink. Really pink. For no real reason unless it’s “””symbolic””” of something?) You wander around for a bit, doing menial tasks, until you finally get to a pink version of the room you first met Sammy in. She calls you on a phone and tells you that she’s sorry for dragging you into this mess (because Alex/the player went looking for Sammy in the first place), and that she “has a solution” to prevent Essentia from using Alex any more.
You find yourself in front of an elevator, the same elevator that you rode with Sammy when she disappeared. She calls you on the phone again and says that if you go through the elevator doors, there’s no turning back. If you step through, you see the spectre of Sammy again, and she wants to show you where she’s been. You hug her, and she says that she’s so glad that she met you, “even if it was just a game. We’ll be together in your waking reality one day, I’m sure of it. For all I know, we may already be.”
... Roll credits!
No. Seriously. That’s the second ending. You, the player, (presumably) go into the Soul Space with Sammy for eternity, and Sammy basically gives you a love confession (after all she says “I love you” before anyway).
Need I remind you all that she is based off of a REAL-LIFE WOMAN WHO DIED THAT NEITHER OF THE ALLANSONS KNEW?!
Hi, yes, sorry, I’m fucking livid about this. Not just because of the disgusting use of a real-life woman’s death in your game, not just because they fetishized her and turned her into a love interest, not just one of the endings--which is a canon ending--had her telling you she loves you and having you go off with her...
... but because this game has been in development since 2013.
Elisa Lam wasn’t even dead for a fucking year.
Yes, other media has cropped up about Lam’s death, and I think it’s just as tacky and tasteless as this. But these guys had so much time to change it, to have someone say “hey maybe you shouldn’t do that,” and it happened anyway. The sheer lack of respect that the Allansons have for not just Lam but also her still-grieving family is astonishing, and it genuinely makes me sick. My thoughts and condolences to the family of Elisa Lam, having to deal with the press, internet conspirators, and people like this. I hope that they all can still find some sense of peace, even with all of this going on.
Racism:
So this game can be really, really fucking racist sometimes. Let’s start with the more explicit dialogue.
In the very beginning, Sammy calls Alex a ginger, and he says “that’s our word.” He’s equating “ginger” to a derogatory slur.
Here’s the next instance, with Alex referring to Vella--an Asian woman--as “vaguely ethnic” and “exotic.” (He doesn’t face consequences for this, either. Just a slap on the wrist of “don’t talk about race.”)
Later on, Chondra talks about race in an actually not that bad rant about how “I bet if [my brother] had been a beautiful white woman, everyone would have cared that he vanished.” This actually is somewhat insightful, as... well, it’s rather true. POC, when it comes to investigations, are often pushed aside, ignored, or given the least amount of effort. And then Chondra also calls out Alex’s lowkey racist fantasy of “being the white knight swooping in and saving the exotic Korean girl.” However... that’s it. Alex doesn’t get any insight from that, or rethink his reasons on why he wants to save Sammy.
And that’s where we get into Claudio and Chondra and the more implicit racism in the game. Neither of them have much in terms of personality--Claudio likes anime, Chondra is there for quips. Neither of them have any significant arcs, nor do they serve much story purpose beyond being extra party members and talking about race--which feels racist in and of itself, just to have characters of color there to talk about race. (Claudio even goes into an extensive rant about how it’d be racist to think that he knows how to pick locks, but he does know how to pick locks, just not the type that they need open. It comes out of nowhere, is utterly unwarranted, and is completely against the rather chill persona that Claudio has had up until then.) Their characters had a lot of potential to be good! However, much like every other character, they’re very underdeveloped.
(Also, if you have either Claudio or Chondra in your party when you get attacked by cop enemies, they will only shoot at either of them, you know, the only black characters in the main party, and my god I wish I was kidding.)
And then... the love interests.
Sammy is a Korean woman. Vella is an Asian woman of unknown descent. The Essentia 2000 has shown that many of her parallel lives are women of color. All of them are love interests for Alex, the white hero. Yeah. And the game calls it out, but no actual repercussions are given!
Speaking of these ladies...
Sexism
This game is really fucking sexist. Like, genuinely, it’s really sexist.
I think a lot of Vella’s contradictory character comes from this sexism and seeing her as a love interest rather than a character. Though she calls out Alex and is upset with him most of the time, she still accepts his weak apologies very easily--apologies that seem very manipulative and insincere when almost immediately after, Alex tries to convince her to let him into her Mind Dungeon, and if you take that as a metaphor than it gets even worse.
As well, Vella’s backstory includes her being used by a much-older man. What can you do after she tells this traumatic story about her being used by a man? Kiss her. And she doesn’t even get upset or angry with you; she just blushes and says to head back to the others. Because that’s not gross and manipulative or anything. That’s not taking advantage of a vulnerable woman at ALL.
The only female characters of importance that aren’t lusting after Alex are his mom and Chondra--I’ve already mentioned that Chondra has little story importance and personality, and Alex sees his mom as nagging for asking him to get groceries, gets angry at her when she says that she lost her job and asks him to get one to support the house (please note that she paid for his and his sister’s college educations in full, including semesters she didn’t plan for), and gets annoyed with her freaking out when he went missing for five days.
So yeah. The game doesn’t have the highest view of women.
But let’s talk specifically about Essentia. Essentia mentions that Alex has hurt her in parallel realities--but it’s okay, because they’re parallel versions, not actually him! And Essentia reveals that Alex’s parallel was the person who hurt Vella! But it’s okay, because she’ll love him unconditionally no matter how much he hurts her. It’s... really reminiscent of domestic abuse. And it frankly doesn’t matter that Essentia turns out to be a part of Alex and that any of the story of Vella or Sammy isn’t true; the game frames it as perfectly okay that it might have happened. It’s okay that parallel versions of Alex have hurt parallel versions of Essentia, because she loves him. It’s incredibly twisted, and it’s honestly a dangerous message to be sending.
(Also, in a very weird instance of sexism against men, out of all of the parallel selves that Essentia shows Alex, the only man is extremely hostile and violent towards Alex. It’s... kind of weird, honestly.)
Depression/Suicide:
Oh boy. Oh fucking boy.
A little background on myself.
I’m two years into my undergrad for a Psychology/Criminology double major. Classes I have taken include classes about pathologies of the mind and mental health (Psychopathology of Childhood, Developmental Psychology, Personality Psychology, Seminar on Positive Psychology, and of course Basic Psychology to be specific). I have also been clinically diagnosed with anxiety/depression, and both of these are genetically based, meaning that I have lived with them my whole life and will continue to live with them. (I am medicated, for anyone wondering. The meds are the only way I can function at a normal level.) I have felt suicidal before, I have had friends who have been suicidal before, and I have talked others down from self-harm or suicide. I’m not an expert, but I know a thing or two about mental health, depression, and suicide.
This game... this game doesn’t fucking get it at all.
(Just a quick thing: the game makes an OCD joke. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder jokes aren’t funny, folks, since people who have it are affected by it all the time to the point of it often being debilitating. Just wanted to mention it a) to give you an idea on how the game handles mental health and b) because it really doesn’t fit anywhere else.)
Most of this surrounds the character of Rory, as he clearly suffers from depression and suicidal thoughts, as well as feeling grief surrounding his sister’s own suicide. When this is revealed, you know what Vella says to “comfort” him? “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. I understand what you were feeling. 'This depression is unbearable.' 'I can't take it anymore.' The 'depression/pain' part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can overcome it is up to you. You decide if you're going to keep going. Your sister is dead. Nothing can change that. [...] You can't help but feel the pain, but you can get through the suffering. That will go away. Look, I understand that it's easy for me to say. I'm not the one whose sister is dead. But you have to understand that I am telling you the true reality of the situation. You're playing with some otherworldly dangers here!“
Let me break this down to show you why this is not something to say to someone who is traumatized and in a deep depression due to the loss of a loved one.
“[W]hether or not you can overcome it is up to you.” This puts full responsibility of overcoming grief and depression onto the person suffering from it, which is not okay, and not true. Rory lost his 12-year-old sister to suicide! Very recently in the game’s timeline, as well!
Vella is basically telling him “it’s your job to get over your grief and depression.” Putting full responsibility on someone for feeling depression and grief is disgusting. If someone is grieving, what they should do is reach out. If they aren’t, reach out to them. Don’t let them suffer alone. Suffering like this is not a choice. People don’t choose to suffer.
By saying that suffering is “optional,” it subtly blames the person suffering for their own suffering, which makes their chances of getting better plummet. So frequently will people suffering from mental disorders put the blame on themselves for “not trying hard enough” or “being broken” or “not being good enough” because they think that this is all their own fault, and they won’t seek help, because “it’s all my fault.”
Now, when someone is in recovery? Yes, they should definitely try--even if it’s in small bits at a time--to to learn to cope with their disorders in healthy ways. However, when in recovery, the person is assisted by therapists, friends, family, and possibly medications. They aren’t alone. They aren’t alone, and are often guided by those who know how to help them and want to help them. The responsibility isn’t pushed solely onto them. One doesn’t “get over” being depressed. They learn to cope. They learn to accept it as a part of them, rather than all of them, and learn that they are more than their depression. The suffering never truly goes away; it can lessen, though, and a person can learn to live with it.
Some people may defend this by saying that the Allansons lost their mother very recently, and this is how they handle their grief. I lost my father in February of last year. I know this type of grief. And just because that’s how they handle their grief, that doesn’t mean it’s a healthy way of coping, nor the type of coping mechanism you should promote in your game. (I will admit that my own methods of coping weren’t great, and that I’m trying to improve on that now.) There’s a quote that I heard somewhere that goes something like, “grief never really goes away. We just learn to live with it.” That suffering doesn’t ‘go away.’ It ebbs and flows, some days being bearable, and other days not.
But that’s not the end, friends. Oh, far from it.
At one point, you can flat-out tell Rory to ���stop being depressed. Being depressed is a choice.” It is noted to be the “wrong” choice, however, Rory barely reacts to it, making it not seem like the wrong decision. I don’t feel like I need to explain why “depression is a choice” is a take colder than the depths of space. Depression’s not a choice, folks. Hell, I would love it if it was, I would love to stop the fatigue, the emptiness, the lethargy, the lack of motivation, the irritability, the messed-up appetite, the fucked-up sleep patterns, the fits of crying. That would be fucking great. But I can’t. BECAUSE IT’S NOT A CHOICE, YOU WALNUT.
Okay, okay, sorry, back on topic. So let’s say you’re mean to Rory. You wanna know what happens?
He kills himself. And according to this user, the story doesn’t change and barely acknowledges Rory after his death. (Obviously there’s not footage out there of the characters mentioning that Rory committed suicide. However, the developers themselves commented on the previously-linked Steam forum post confirming its legitimacy. This is so unbelievably fucked up. Suicide is already a topic that should be handled with care, but having a main character commit suicide and have that death have no impact on the story? I don’t even have words for how deplorable that is. (Doesn’t help that the game basically pushes whether Rory lives or dies onto the player, which is also disgusting, because I don’t think the developers had the insight into suicidal ideation to know that it’s a multitude of factors that lead to suicide, and not just one person being )
(Sidenote: here are the links to the National Suicide Prevention Line and the Crisis Text Line in case anyone needs them. Please take care, friends. <3)
[Addendum: as I was working on this review and listened to the podcast linked a little further down, Andrew Allanson had this to say at 2:08:47: "When you make an unlikable character, people expect Sherlock Holmes or Dr. House. They want flawed heroes, but only to the extent that they’re beautiful and intelligent and slightly Asperger-y."
Thank you for basically saying that having Asperger’s Syndrome is an unlikable trait or makes people unlikable.]
Anti-LGBTQ+
So let’s talk about the prejudice against non-straight and non-cis people!
Andrew Allanson has been rather fucking clear about his prejudice against trans people and non-straight people. In the “The Dick Show” podcast, starting at 1:45:45, Andrew Allanson was interviewed by the commentators. I will be providing timestamps of quotes since I can’t directly link to them.
(Sidenote: I was listening to this podcast and waiting for Andrew’s pa rt to start, and one of the commentators was talking about Women’s History Month, and saying “If a woman doesn’t have a man, she’s going to expect the government to be her man. That’s just the way they’re wired.” [1:44:24 - 1:44:31]. Yeah. That tells you the type of people who run this podcast and the type of people that Andrew decides to associate himself with.)
[1:52:15 - 1:52:] “... we made the mistake of asking the player, ‘what name did your parents give you?’ And it turns out that that is a very offensive question. Because some people, um, are trans, and don’t use the name their parents gave them. So immediately the game is targeted as being transphobic. [...] So we wanted to basically create a character off of the player in the game, the first thing we ask you ‘are you a boy or a girl,’ ‘what’s your name’, and people were so bent out of shape over this. Look, I’m sympathetic to trans people, I understand why it upset them. But the problem was when we apologized, that wasn’t good enough. People then took it and said ‘what else can we find in this game to prove that it’s offensive?’”
So here’s the thing: that... is lowkey transphobic? Because it’s like you said, these people don’t use the names that their parents gave them. You’re asking them, intentionally or not, to deadname themselves. There’s a reason they call it a “deadname.”
Later on they ask, “which of these do you identify with?” and show a male figure and a female figure. Which frankly, is alright.
And then they changed it in an update to “what do you look like?” which feels like a very direct jab at trans people, especially the ones who were upset by the initial question relating to names.
Oh, and then there’s this part (I only know DIck and Andrew’s voices, I’m afraid I don’t know the third, sorry m8).
[1:54:35 - 1:55:10]
Andrew: So you play as this guy, Alex, you just come home from [college, audio cut out here], you’re an entitled asshole--
Dick: You get points for stomping queers, as I understand it, that’s the game, right? You go around and--
Andrew: The goal is to establish the white ethnostate.
[unintelligible as others laugh and talk over each other]
Dick: --you have a little ‘gaydar’ in the corner and it points you to the nearest homosexual, and then you go, y‘know, “Hammer [X]”
Andrew: It’s - it’s - yeah, it’s a hack-and-slash.
Dick: If you buy the game they send you a special overlay you can put on your controller that turns all the buttons into ‘K.’ So it’s not ‘A’--
Andrew: Yes!
Dick: --Just ‘K,’ ‘K,’ and ‘K.’
Andrew: Just ‘K,’ ‘K’--yeah, exactly, exactly.
So we not only have the mockery of gay folk, but also mention of murdering them (whether in a joking fashion or not, this still isn’t fucking funny and not something to joke about, especially if you are not LGBTQ+ yourself. And to my knowledge, none of these men are).
And that’s just from the creator himself, as well as the first few minutes of the game.
Let’s talk bout The Scene.
What is The Scene? Well, it’s the scene where Alex and Rory talk, where you can tell Rory that “depression is a choice.” Should you be kind and supportive to him, you know what you can do? “Try to kiss [him.]” And there’s art for it. There is literally no reason for this to be here other than “haha it’s a guy trying to kiss another guy, gay people are funny!” It seems to be an attempt at humor, but it fails... rather miserably.
The Legendary Third Ending
I call it “legendary” because no one knows if it actually exists or not, because people can’t find it, regardless of the hints given by the developers.
Andrew, while doing “The Dick Show” interview, mentions that he put DIck Masterson (the host of the show) into the game in the third update [1:45:56] , and that you have to give Dick a pair of aviator glasses, where he will give you a red pill [1:47:15 - 1:47:33]. Dick is also found in Chapter 4 of the game [1:47:40].
The devs also tease it on Twitter, saying that it’s “sad and challenging to complete”, and they give vague and unclear hints that don’t seem to help even the fans of the game--after all, no one has found it, apparently. Even the YIIK Discord (though this is just hearsay) has been losing steam in trying to find this ending.
I think it’s a testament to the quality of the game when one of your major three endings is nigh-impossible to find. (For the record, I feel the same way about how PT went about its ending, and how arbitrary it felt to do these very specific things that the game barely tells you about.)
Miscellaneous Other Things That Don’t Fit In The Above
There are a couple other things that irk me about this game, so time for a rapid-fire round!
You can kiss Rory, who’s implied to be a senior in high school (due to this talk of college). So he’s, at best, 18. Alex had 5 and a half years of college (the game says “five and a quarter” but unless I’m mistaken colleges work in semesters not quarters,), so he’s probably 23-24. Yeah. (There’s also the issue of consent--when you kiss Vella she just blushes and acts more docile, while with Rory, he rather vehemently rejects it. So women just accept an unwanted kiss? Hm.)
You fight a flasher as a miniboss. Because sexual harassment is hilarious. (And if neither Michael nor Rory are 18 yet, then there’s the possibility of minors being involved. YEAH.)
The title card is intentionally glitchy af and it hurts the eyes, honestly.
If you go through New Game+ and go to the 70th floor of the Mind Dungeon, Alex will basically talk to himself about some things:
It mentions that “crows are ugly.” You fool. You absolute buffoon. Crows? Excellent. Very intelligent birbs.
This is basically “hey we suck, but so does everyone around us, it’s fine”
This game unironically uses Wonderwall lyrics in an emotional scene, like I know it was popular and not a meme in the 90s but my guy, you gotta think about the connotations with the audience you’re releasing this for,
“I sighed as the elevator began to shake, vibrating with motion.” Thank you for using three words to describe the elevator shaking,
The One Thing That I Liked
Surprisingly, there is something I liked about this game. Not solely in concept, not in its potential, but in its actual execution.
It starts on the day of New Years’ Eve. It’s dark outside and inside. Alex suddenly starts getting many random calls, some from people he knows, others he doesn’t. Some voices are distorted, some aren’t. Some are talking to him, some aren’t. And they’re quick little calls before they hang up, and Alex barely says a word. He can’t leave the house, and keeps getting phone calls that get more and more distorted as time goes on.
That? I think that actually really works.
It’s a more subtle way of showing reality breaking: getting calls from people, both friends and strangers, that are slowly getting more and more broken, and you can’t do anything. You’re trapped in your house, you can’t see outside, you don’t know what’s going on. You can’t help your friends, even when Michael screams for your help. The slowly deteriorating stability of the calls are your only indication of what’s going on outside.
And for me, that works. It was the one section of the game that I felt legitimately invested in. So, kudos to the devs for that one.
Conclusion
YIIK isn’t just bad. It’s offensive. It’s ignorant, it handles serious topics incredibly clumsily, and the worst of it is that Andrew Allanson considers it to be ‘art.’ (If you’re wondering why I didn’t talk about the “video games aren’t art” quote, don’t worry. That’s going to be its own essay.)
YIIK fails on every level, from technical to storytelling. Please, I beg of you, don’t give this game money. Just go watch the LP.
You may have noticed that I didn’t talk much about the “postmodern” aspect of the game, nor much about Alex as a protagonist.
Both of those are going to be their own separate essays.
This wild ride still ain’t over, folks. Hang on.
#yiik a postmodern rpg#yiik: a postmodern rpg#yiik#andrew allanson#yeehaw#holy shit this one is SO LONG but im so proud of it
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Do you have any tips for people who want to study animation and be an animator?
hi, nonnie!
so it’s not really a secret that i’m an animation student, but i also want to put a disclaimer that this is my first year in college, and also my first time really learning to animate.
for more information before i jump into it: i study an art & technology degree with a pathway in animation (with some game knowledge) at a public university. i will also say that animation at my program, because it is different from a private art school, i’m not technically in the animation pathway — it’s something that you learn foundations for the first three semesters, and apply to get into your desired pathway (animation or games) to focus.
i have learned a LOT since i started school, though, so… let’s go!
art school is not the only optioni thought i was going to go to art school, but i really couldn’t afford it without taking out a loan and putting myself in debt. please, please keep in mind that there are other options to learn animation - many public universities have related/similar programs, and i honestly wouldn’t go to art school if i couldn’t afford it. do your research.
there are going to be people who are better/know more than you. when i started off the year, i knew nothing about 3d animation or any part of the 3d animation pipeline. i’d never touched maya before, or any of the programs in my school lab. like me, there were kids who’d never done anything like this before (about ½ the class), and there were kids who’d been modelling and animating for years. there are kids who did animation programs in high school, or who had opportunities like having animation mentors. my school district did not.you’re going to feel behind. you’re going to look at these people with really cool projects, and who already know how to animate, and who do lots of crazy cool things. and you’re going to meet people whose relative is working in the animation industry. regardless of your skill level, there’s going to be someone who seems to be ahead of you. that’s okay. you’re learning.
don’t commit right away (to one job/focus).this is a big one. when you go in to study animation for the first time, there are going to be a TON of different positions and interests. don’t focus on one thing and lose yourself in it. try everything. try modelling, texturing, rigging, animation, lighting and compositing. there are people i know who are already like “i want to be a character animator at blizzard” and that’s cool, and totally possible, but don’t limit yourself! you might have a knack for environment design, or maybe, like one of my professors you really want to be a lighter but after you get hired, your supervisor goes “you suck at lighting… but hey, you’re really good at grooming do hair and fur instead.” don’t do that! there’s also a growing demand for generalists, which is something i think i might be interested in myself. being a cg generalist means you focus in one thing (ie lighting) but you have knowledge of other parts of animation as well. that means that when companies hire you, you might light a model, but then maybe they’re short a texturer, and then you can pop up and go “HEY i can texture!”
use your resources. please. once you get into college, oftentimes your school has stuff for you. that’s included in your tuition. use it! for me, there are whole courses on lynda and the linkedin e-learning thing. youtube. vimeo. books. find things that are available to you and squeeze every last drop out of it.
get involved. this is the biggest takeaway from being in animation. you could be a great animator, you could be technically really, really good. but nothing matters if you don’t put yourself out there. look up local animation events. i recently went to one, and i spent an entire day listening to industry professionals such as mark simon, the storyboard artist for the walking dead. talk to people! ask them questions! i actually connected with an artist at airship syndicate who was at the event - she’s the daughter of an art teacher i went to studio with for years, and meeting her and talking to her was really nice. and i have her number. and if you have the chance to meet someone, talk to them. don’t be scared. this is your chance to get your foot in the door, or your chance to get advice from someone who’s actually made it. talk. to. them.
join student organizations. my school has an animation guild chapter, as well as a game developer club and some other related orgs. JOIN THEM. pay the $30 or whatever membership fee. the animation guild at my school has given me, out of all the things that i’ve done, the most opportunities during the school year. i went to an amazon prime screening of Undone. a dreamworks skype call. discounted tickets for that industry event i mentioned earlier. and there is so much more to come. it’s 100% worth it.
try to make friends! this is something that i kind of struggled with, but it’s really important.having friends is going to be your lifeline. every monday you accidentally sit next to a new person in the animation lecture? introduce yourself. when you and two other people are the only freshmen in the labs at 11pm? there is no better bonding experience. having friends means you can 1) pester them for help 2) suffer together 3) get excited about each other’s work. these people are going to be your future co-workers. some might be your future bosses. also make friends outside of your major. you need a break.
making animation =/= watching animation. this is a big, big, big thing. don’t go into animation if you don’t think you can handle it. what you see on the screen is NOT the same as the work that gets put into it. when you’re an animator sometimes you’ll put in over a hundred hours a week. when you’re an animator you have to keep up with industry changes; every year the programs and tech change, and every year there is something new and different that you need to keep up with or else you’re out. animation is not easy. it’s up to you to put in the work that will make you successful: spend time honing your craft and talking to people. you will cry a lot. you will work your ass off. you will fail all the time. but you have to keep going because you love it. and if you can’t do that, don’t be an animator.
eat. sleep. take care. being an art student is not an excuse to not sleep. it’s not. period. you’re going to have friends who “haha i slept at 5am.” it’s not a competition, there is nothing for you to prove. with the rigor and the difficulty of being in animation you need to take care of yourself. set yourself a schedule every day - set aside time for you to eat THREE meals and sleep for at least 6 hours. treat those like work time. if you take care of yourself, eventually you’re going to look around at your peers who are struggling and suffering and you are going to be better off than them. because you had a meal at lunchtime. because you got more than two hours of sleep. you’re going to learn better, work better, live better. don’t skimp out. it’s really easy to forget, so i will set alarms/reminders for myself. i typically go to bed around 11pm-1am every night, so i usually get around 7 hours on better days. i eat. just don’t be dumb, okay? you don’t want to graduate and just fall apart because you worked yourself too hard and you didn’t sleep for four years. take care.
i’m stopping this post here because it’s getting a little long but i still have so many experiences and thoughts i can share. so anon, if you’re reading this - feel free to come back and ask more questions!
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