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ocdhuacheng · 11 months ago

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thoughts on 3 body so far (episode 5), as someone whos read the books and not yet watched the drama

to get the obvious out of the way its very unnecessary to set it in england :/ but we all know that so.

i love wenjie i think zine tseng is perfect for her i really love wenjies scenes (for the most part. whhyyyy did they make her get with evans. like i groaned so hard. and they completely skipped over her actual husband and how she well. murdered him.) but yeah in general i think her parts are done really well. few complaints there. also she is gorgeous. Rosalind chao is great as well but I think the writing for old!wenjie is not as good as for young! Wenjie. That’s not ms Rosalind’s fault tho obviously I think she did really well with what she got.

besides wenjie i really like jin cheng as well. i get shes filling part of wang miao's role from the books and she is partially based off of cheng xin from book three and i think jess hong is a really good choice for her. even just appearance-wise she is perfect for what i imagined cheng xin to look like. and her attachment to the follower character in the game is a great set up for how her story might go if she follows cheng xin's footsteps.

i think auggie should be older. it seems like they want to make everyone all like a group of school friends so thats why they made her younger but i dont really think that it works.

lemme elaborate....... i........ do not care about auggie at all lmfao. honestly i welcome more female characters but if she is to fill wang miao's place as the nanotech expert... wang miao.... who is a man in his fourties... why are they replacing him with a girl who barely looks out of grad school. and shes cso and developer of groundbreaking tech already? SHE SHOULD BE AT THE CLUB. not trying to be MARY SUE ALERT but its unrealistic, and it kind of ruins making him into a female character imo. she should be middle aged!! fucking cowards!! it seems like they just made wang miao into a woman just so they could have a pretty face to slap on as the main character (though she is SO not my type but whatever thats not important.) if they wanted to genderbend and actually be ~feminist~ or whatever, they would have cast a 40+ year old. again, i get they want it to be this friend group so maybe it would be strange that she would be older than the rest of them but also they could have just.. not done that. so anyway. yeah. she kind of annoys me. she is too young. too pretty but in like such a hollywood way that it turns me off. also shes boring. and annoying.

in general, other than wenjie and jin, im not particularly attached to any of the characters. not necessarily a bad thing bc the books themselves were much more plot driven over character driven, so yeah. kind of a neutral statement. i do like will (even though...... he should be chinese -_- though i guess i am grateful that they did seemingly make an effort to make the cast diverse, rather than just make them all white brits.) and i like uhhhh *checks notes* tatiana, mainly because i think shes extremely pretty lmao. i think the guy who plays old!evans is great, i do Not care for the guy who plays him when he is young. cringe. gigachad looking ass. wade is good too, when i saw his name show up i was like omg what are you doing here????? hes a bastard but hes fun. also like shi, i think the actor they chose is great and fits really well. i did prefer him in the books tho he was so much fun in the books. saul fits in well, if hes the luo ji character i can Definitely see him wasting government resources to do fuck all as a wallfacer lmao. godspeed king.

i think them making all these characters who are going to go on to be key players in the future all know eachother to begin with is funny. and not a great choice. unrealistic. in the books like most of these people had nothing to do with anyone else, either to begin with or at all. and now theyre all somehow friends? in the books the main characters were scattered all over the place (or.. well.. at least all over china) but now u gonna tell me 90% of the ppl doing important shit for the human species were all like buddies in college or smth instead of just some randos in the right place at the right time with the right (debatable) credentials? less believable to me. like for example the zhang beihai adjacent character being the cheng xin adjacent character's boyfriend before everything goes down. like girl did they even meet in the books? idr

sophon is gorgeous, so is her outfit, though i hope they keep the japanese aesthetic shes got going on from the books, i think it was a very telling and important, if not large part of the books for her to latch onto japanese culture specifically.

the sophons... in the book it was just miao who was given the universe blinking vision but now its basically everyone on the nightside of the planet? how did they do that with just 2 sophons. i mean. idk maybe. sure. they do travel close to the speed of light. i aint doing the calculations to know what is or is not plausible at those speeds. but damn these poor things are so overworked. they need to unionize. wish they kept the numbers on the photographs tho instead of just in their retinas. that could have been really cool.

the sequence of the sophons unfolding over earth was cool and all just kinda funny bc they had just established in a previous scene that they needed like a supercollider in orbit to unfold one and now they can just unfold willy nilly? ok.

uhhhhhhhhh. yeah thats all for now. i have more onions but im sleepy tired and thats all i can rememver i wanted to say. im enjoying it. just kind of bitter at them making it british but thats old news. i think if i were watching this blind without there being a book series to compare it to its very solid! some hollywood esque quippy humor and added annoying romance (particularly with wenjie) and stuff that im not thrilled with but over all its well done imo. definitely going to have to reread the books when im done and also watch the drama :)

#.txt #three body #3 body problem

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aeide-thea · 2 years ago

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like—sorry to harp on this, i'm just still thinking about it—i'm probably more pro-piracy than some people, but i do feel like 'pirating the work of an impoverished disabled trans woman with stage 4 cancer' (see prev post) is. probably a point at which you should rethink what you're up to??? like. i would be thrilled to be told i'm wrong and actually mira bellwether did say at some point that passing her zine around for free was chill (although frankly even then i think there's an argument to be made that it's good to toss some money to marginalized small-time creators whose work you've enjoyed or otherwise benefited from, particularly when they're in dire circumstances and actively fundraising), but like. in the absence of permission from her it really feels bad to me.

also like. this is one of those things where like. it's hard to decide who's really at fault here, bc the OP of the previous post is herself a transfem who i don't think was initially aware of bellwether's situation, and like, if you're just passing around the direct link to the file on transreads.org (that maybe you yourself were passed by someone else, even) you may not actually be aware you're reading something pirated? so at first i was inclined to be most mad at transreads, and be like, ugh, the least they could do would be to include a link to the author's gofundme! but then i went and checked and it turned out they do, actually, if you search for the zine on their site and don't just get linked directly to their copy of the file; so then it's like, okay, maybe really OP's the one to blame, since the link she included in her post bypassed their splash page; but then, as i said above i doubt she was initially aware bellwether was ill, and seems to have subsequently boosted a reblog that included bellwether's gofundme.

so ultimately i think it's like—forget blame, that's beside the point really. if we're pointing fingers we're busy with that and not with helping. but i do think everyone passing that post around (which is thousands of people, by now) should probably make a followup post passing the hat for the author, and make a donation themselves while they're at it, if they possibly can; i did. (and maybe we all ought to be thinking a little harder about giving back to counterculture artists and thinkers before they get sick, while we're at it.)

#anyway it does just in general seem like good practice to do a quick google before reblogging things #i don't always but i do decently often #and a lot of the time you find like. the creator's trans now so you ought to be crediting them differently #the creator's turned out to be some sort of perpetrator so that may change yr feelings wrt how you want to talk abt them‚ at the very least #the creator's in serious need and could use a signal boost #the creator's not credited at all and should be #the assertion's been totally debunked #there's been a critical update to the developing news story #etc etc #anyway it's real easy to forget people are people & context is evolving when yr drifting about in the eternal glossy present of the interne #but like. worth *trying* to remember. i'm often bad at it too but. worth trying.

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destiny-islanders · 4 years ago

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I'm about to participate in my first zine which is making me nervous/excited. Do you have any advice about composition and colors? I definitely want to make sure the image doesn't appear too dark in print form and my contrast in my shading is visible.

Yooo congratulations!!! :D :D :D That’s so exciting!

And ahh sure I can offer some advice! :>

I wish I could break this up in smaller chunks but this hellsite’s bullet point system is GARBAGE so sorry in advance for the giant blocks of text

Pay attention to bleed guidelines! Let’s say you’re in a zine and one of the mods shares the dimensions of the book with you. For example, “2550 px x 3300 px at 300dpi, plus a 4mm bleed.” You probably know this, but the bleed of a page is sort of like the “danger zone” lmao. The bleed may end up being cropped in order to fit your piece into the book. You basically don’t want to put anything important in the bleed area. You should still absolutely fill the areas-- most zines expect pieces that utilize the entire page-- but don’t stick anything important there, like text in a comic, or half of someone’s face, or details that you really want to see. (Some zines provide contributors with templates that not only let you immediately access a document of the correct dimensions for the zine, but also include the bleed! Never take these mods for granted, they’re very awesome to do that hahaha) ;;

Color’s a bit trickier since, if you’re working digitally, every monitor can show you something different and it can be hard to tell if something looks right. :/ But don’t worry!

Printed media is done in CMYK color! Digital media is typically done in RBG color! You’ll notice that CMYK is... much duller than RGB haha. Certain programs like Photoshop will let you switch between RGB and CMYK on the fly as you’re working, which is pretty useful. While you’re coloring, most art programs will let you know if you’re using a color in RGB that won’t be supported in CMYK, so try to adjust if you find yourself dabbling too much in unsupported palettes. Most zines offer physical and digital versions and will ask you to submit RGB and CMYK versions of your piece. Once you finish your work in one color mode, save it, then switch to the other color mode and make adjustments as necessary.

Be wary of working with too much dark color. That’s not to say you should steer clear of dark pieces-- you just need to be mindful of how dark your piece gets. Because in CMYK, colors tend to darken and smooth out, so if you submit something too dark, your piece might not look as awesome as it does on your screen :( I’m not one of those artists who’d tell you to never color with black, but I would suggest avoiding trying to blend with black and, say, dark blue or dark purple in print. I feel like that would run a huge risk of being too dark in print. If you have the means to access a color printer, you can try printing your zine piece to see if it turns out okay! :D I understand this can be a costly and wasteful use of a printer if it’s just for testing purposes-- I only have a black and white printer at home myself-- but if you’re really worried and you have a color printer... *shrugs*

Communicate. Most zines will use a Discord server to stay in touch with everyone. If you don’t have a Discord and don’t want to make one, make sure you are constantly checking your e-mail or social media DMs for updates and requests from your mod team. It can be very hard as a mod if you spend weeks and weeks trying to get a hold of a contributor that’s suddenly gone ghost ;___;

Don’t be afraid to ask the mods questions! Your mods are there to help you. They know the ins and outs of the zine-- what the dimensions are, how the zine will be formatted, submission folders, etc. (They should also be able to help advise you if you should make any color adjustments to your piece, to tie into my last point!) If you need an extension for a check-in, don’t hesitate to do so, but DO try to ask in advance instead of on check-in day. As someone who’s experienced a string of emergencies this year that caused me to request last-minute extensions on deadlines, I know that this isn’t always possible. But let’s say you’re swamped with school or you have a very important work event near a deadline that’s taking up much of your free time and energy. Let the mods know you’re swamped. If they’re good mods (which I’m sure they are), they will be understanding and happy to work with you by offering an extension that will help suit your needs. Of course, there are hard deadlines in every project with expectations from manufacturers and promised release dates, so if you find yourself overwhelmed or unable to submit your piece for the zine by a certain point, you may not be able to submit a piece. But life happens. Be kind to yourself <3

Don’t be shy to interact with other contributors too! :> (Hypocritical of me since I’m very shy and don’t talk very much in the zine servers I’m in except for Sora Zine but I was a mod for that zine so I had to be more present lmao) But here is a group of awesome creators who share a passion with you! :> Share memes, talk about your faves, share WIPs, ask for advice! :D You might leave a zine with some new friends :3

Have fun! I remember how nervous I was when I worked on my first zine piece, but try to remember to have fun when you work on it! Pick a concept that you’ll enjoy working on that will challenge your creativity but not overwhelm you. Try to work on your piece from check-in to check-in, gradually over time, instead of just cramming everything into the night before a deadline. Your piece will come out better for it, and you’ll save yourself a lot of stress and late nights. :>

Again, congrats on getting into your first zine-- many happy returns, if you’re so inclined to join more <3

#destiny answers #art stuff #i hope i don't come off too kerbobbled #lazella

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lloydskywalkers · 4 years ago

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chrysanthemum

1/2 of the fics i wrote for the 10th anniversary zine!! if you haven’t checked it out yet please do @ninjaneverquit-zine , everyone worked so hard and did such a wonderful job, i’m beyond honored to have been included <3

I may not have been in the fandom since the start, but ninjago means the world to me - it’s gotten me through some of the worst times and pushed further in writing than i thought i’d go, and the fandom’s been a particularly bright light in my life since i’ve joined 💕and of course i can’t not celebrate that by writing for the light of my life lloyd garmadon, so here’s me crying over the garmadons anniversary-style :’D

Garmadon’s son has only been on the earth for twenty-four hours, and he’s only been Lloyd for nineteen, but he already finds himself terrified of the tiny, living thing he cradles in his arms.

“He’s so small,” he tells Misako, eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Is he supposed to be this small?”

Misako, who’s been answering questions similar to this for the better part of the morning, rolls her eyes. “He’s fine, Garmadon. He was born a little early, that’s all.”

Not as reassured as he should be, Garmadon returns his gaze to his son. He’s sleeping now, deathly still in his arms, and he resists the urge to wave a hand over his tiny face, if only to feel the small puffs of breath he knows must be there. He brushes a wisp of hair from his head instead, marveling at how pale it is.

“He’s got my father’s hair,” he murmurs.

“I don’t care, Garmadon, we’re still not naming him after the man.”

It’s Garmadon’s turn to roll his eyes. “I never said that. I said Montgomery was an unacceptable name to burden my son with.”

“Oh, your son.”

He misses the rest of her retort as Lloyd fidgets briefly, tiny features screwing up as he shifts. A flash of lightning from outside brightens the room, and Garmadon pulls Lloyd closer reflexively. The thunder crack follows soon after, and Garmadon flinches, the thick smell of rain filtering through the open windows. He can already see thick droplets sliding down the hydrangeas Misako’s growing in the windowsill, drowning the pale flowers. It’s been pouring all week, typhoons hitting the coast with gusto as they always do this time of year. Garmadon doesn’t like it — his son is much more suited for the sun and all its brightness, not the grey-skied downpour of thunderclouds.

Lloyd hardly reacts to the downpour, having gone still and silent in his arms once again. Garmadon’s heartbeat quickens. He shouldn’t sleep this much, should he? He doesn’t remember Wu being like that, but he was so young when Wu was born, and it was so long ago, and he can’t feel for Lloyd’s breathing now because the breeze pouring through the window’s too strong, and—

A soft hand sets on his shoulder. “Here,” Misako sighs, guiding Garmadon’s hand to rest gently over Lloyd’s chest. “Feel. That’s a heart, going strong.”

Despite his hesitance, a deep-rooted part of him still desperately afraid his touch might hurt something so small, Garmadon does so. Lloyd’s heartbeat is rapid and as fragile as a bird’s wing, but undeniably there. A small, living thing.

Something warm curls in his chest, and Garmadon thinks he might understand his father’s delight in creation — in things that live.

Not, of course, that his father has ever created anything so perfect as Lloyd, but Garmadon can credit him for having tried.

* * *

It’s weird, having a dad.

Not the concept of having a dad — Lloyd’s bragged enough about being the son of Lord Garmadon to at least get that part. But actually having him here, a living, breathing person who looks at Lloyd and cares—

It’s weird, that’s all. Not that it’s a bad weird.

“You need to wrap your hands, before you go hitting things like that,” Garmadon scolds gently, twisting gauze around Lloyd’s bruised, swollen fingers. “The others can show you how, for training. They should have shown you earlier.”

Lloyd bites his lip. He doesn’t tell his dad that the bruises are less from training, and more from pointlessly banging on bars in an attempt to get on Pythor’s nerves. It sounds silly, compared to the way his dad swept in like a big hero and took out all the snakes in single swipes.

A big hero. Lloyd wonders if the others will ever see him that way, too.

His hand twinges as the gauze pulls tight, and Lloyd sucks in a sharp breath. Garmadon flinches, drawing his hands back.

“I’m sorry,” he says, quickly. “I keep forgetting — you’re so small.”

Lloyd makes a face at that. Small? “I’m not that short,” he grumbles. “I’ve grown lots.”

“Of course you have,” Garmadon amends. “I only—”

His expression twists, and Lloyd’s stomach drops. There’s that look again.

“I’m sorry,” Garmadon repeats, sounding downtrodden.

Lloyd purses his lips. For all his bragging, he’s never really thought much about whether he likes his family or not. It’s hard, when you don’t have one around to like. Watching the way his dad worries and his uncle walks around all stone-faced now, Lloyd’s not sure he should like it. He likes Uncle Wu, of course, and he loves his dad, but—

He hates the way they all walk around like they’re preparing for a funeral. His dad’s funeral, his funeral, whichever it ends up being. It’s stupid. Lloyd’s lived on the streets for months, and in Darkley’s even longer. He wouldn’t have minded walking around like he’s doomed for misery then.

But now? When he’s got people who care, and a family?

Lloyd sets his mouth stubbornly. He doesn’t know much about destiny, or the prophecy, but he knows he’s not about to lose this. Not when he’s come so far, when he’s so close to having — to being someone worth having around.

No funerals, Lloyd promises himself. He can see this prophecy through — they both can, the two of them. You have to be alive to be a family, right?

“It’s okay,” he finally replies. “I’m alright, dad.”

And he’s gonna stay that way.

* * *

When Garmadon had thought about the final battle in the past, he’d expected the darkness. The destruction, the pain.

He hadn’t expected to survive.

“So you’re really giving up fighting, then?”

Glancing up at Lloyd, taller now yet still small enough to not quite fit his bright golden gi, Garmadon finds survival a very welcome surprise.

“Yes,” he says, returning his gaze to the flowerbeds Misako’s helped him put in the monastery garden. They’re coming along well, despite the recent fits of bad weather, and they do a fine job of making the monastery look homey. Unthreatening.

He hopes, at least.

“I think I’ve done enough fighting, for my part,” he continues. He gives Lloyd a wry look. “I’m not sure Ninjago could take much more of it from me, anyways.”

“I dunno,” Lloyd says. “It’s been getting pretty boring.”

Garmadon snorts. “Boring is something you should appreciate, son. Excitement isn’t always good.”

“No, but it isn’t bor—dull,” Lloyd mutters, crouching down to study the flowerbeds. Garmadon shakes his head in reply, sighing. He remembers being his son’s age once, yearning for the next thrill, even if it feels ages away now.

He’s got a whole lecture on appreciating the quiet moments on the tip of his tongue, too, when Lloyd speaks up again.

“We used to have these flowers at Darkley’s,” he says, tilting his head as he studies them. “Some of the boys tore them all up and threw ‘em at the window, but they were pretty before that."

Garmadon bites the inside of his cheek, his eyebrows furrowing. His expression softens as he spots the gentle way Lloyd handles the flower, carefully pushing it back to place. It never fails to baffle him how someone as gentle as Lloyd could’ve come from his beginnings, much less from Garmadon, but he treasures it.

“Snapdragons,” Garmadon says, instead. “Fitting flowers, for our family.”

Lloyd looks at him curiously, eyes bright with the light of suspicion, and Garmadon is tempted to tell him the full truth, then and there. But Lloyd is still so young, innocent and naive and barely come to terms with his place as the Green Ninja. The truth of their blood is a heavy one, and Garmadon can’t find it in himself to lay it on Lloyd’s shoulders today. No, his son is happy among humans, so a human he’ll let him be. Someday he’ll know he’s more, closer to the dragons he admires than he realizes, but not quite yet.

Miraculously, Garmadon has the time, now.

“If you stay after dinner, I can show you how they’re planted,” he offers. Lloyd nods, and Garmadon’s smile widens.

Destruction is in his blood, and he’d be blind to say it isn’t in Lloyd’s as well. Power is power, whether it’s bright and beautiful or stained in darkness, and Lloyd could shatter mountains as well as move them, if he wanted.

But Lloyd never moves to pull the flowers up, only watches them rustle slightly in the breeze, leaving them to grow a little bigger, a little brighter. Garmadon, for his part, watches his son, all bright eyes and the burnished gold hair of his grandfather, and reminds himself that one needs not be a master of creation to appreciate life.

* * *

Lloyd likes to think of himself as an optimist, for the most part. He’s at least good at pretending that he is one, with how many times he’s had to convince himself it’s worth it to get back up.

Right now, he’s trying to remember how he’s ever managed to convince himself, because this time, getting back up seems impossible.

Lloyd used to wonder, back during Morro, how far you had to push yourself to break like that. How far someone had to push you, to truly splinter. He thinks he might have found his answer, though his is less of a bitter hatred and more of an empty abyss of hurt.

It hurts to breathe. That would be a sign that something’s wrong, if Lloyd didn’t already have about sixty other signs that he’s in trouble. But the breathing thing is sticking out to him especially, right now. His lungs feel like they’re scraping against his ribs every time he tries to draw breath, bruised and stinging, and there’s a deep ache in his chest that grows worse by the minute.

He tries swallowing again, sand scraping down his throat as he does. He hisses out a breath instead of coughing, almost frightened that his lungs will give out completely if he does.

He says almost, because Lloyd isn’t sure what emotions he’s got left to feel anymore.

A lie. Pain starts numb, sometimes.

Lloyd’s chest spasms as he sucks in another breath, and he wishes the desert would swallow him whole. His father — his real father, who pushed him from the Cursed Realm and told him to return to light and living — would want him to stand back up. He’d beg him to, stress the importance of continuing on, of persevering. Stuff like that.

But if it wasn’t for his father, Lloyd wouldn’t have to get back up in the first place. If it wasn’t for his father, Lloyd wouldn’t be—

His eyes burn, stinging as he squeezes them tightly shut, and he tells himself it’s the sand.

Instead, he focuses on the ragged beat of his heart. He only knows it’s there because his chest throbs in pain with every pulse, but he latches onto the feeling and holds tight.

Still alive, he tells himself, even as every bit of him sings in agony and his lungs scream at him to stop. He’s still alive. His powers aren’t answering him but they will, he knows they will, he can’t disappear like he did with Morro. He can’t — he can’t leave it, not like this, not with his father — not like this. If he can’t stop Harumi, if he can’t save his father, if he can’t do anything else at all, he can at least do this.

Stay alive. Stay alive. Stay alive.

He’s never realized how long the nights out here are, before.

* * *

After everything, the light dies down and the Oni vanish, and Lloyd’s heart stops.

It shouldn’t be a surprise to Garmadon, who isn’t even sure his own heart beats now, but it is.

It’s not supposed to stop. There was a promise made, somewhere, to keep it beating.

It restarts before he has the chance to process what that even means, and the swell of relief is so foreign, Garmadon leaves before he even has the chance to ask Lloyd what he’d seen. He thinks to himself, that will be the end of it. The end of whatever tentative connection he has with the boy, whatever frayed and tattered threads of something they once had. Better to cut them away for good.

Lloyd’s not one to let things die, though. Garmadon should know that at least, the boy tells him.

“I know you like repeating yourself,” he mutters. “Letting go is different.”

“That’s not what this is,” Lloyd huffs back.

Garmadon rolls his eyes, the two of them drifting aimlessly down the Ninjago City garden paths. It’s secluded, the rest of the city still recovering, and Garmadon’s grateful for the quiet, even if it is awkward. Building any kind of bridge with the boy is difficult, if only because Lloyd stresses that they’re rebuilding a bridge, and Garmadon has no memory of any bridge to begin with.

He’s still sifting through jumbled emotions, sorting out what his place in this world was and is supposed to be, but he knows that the word son slips easier from his mouth than daughter ever did, so he figures he’s on the right path, at least.

“It’s about—” Lloyd pauses, his expression contorting. “It’s about surviving, I guess,” he grinds out.

Garmadon’s mouth curls into a grin. “Really. You were quite…vocal, that it was about more than that.”

“It is, it’s just—” Lloyd cuts off again, stopping them in a half-ruined section of garden still littered with remnants of concrete. “It’s the payoff, you know? Here.”

He bends down, brushing dust from a surviving scattering of flowers. He gently touches the edge of a petal, pushing the flower head toward the sun. “See?” he says. “After all that, it’s still alive.”

Garmadon stares at the delicate edges of the petal, smaller and more fragile than any of the buildings that crumbled beneath his rule. At Lloyd’s nod, he stretches his own fingers out toward it, his hand impossibly dark and calloused next to his son’s own small one. But he brushes his fingers over the petal edge nonetheless, almost surprised that it doesn’t decay beneath his touch. It’s soft, he notes, like the fragile skin of a newborn. Odd that it should’ve survived, out of everything else that perished.

“So it is,” he says, carefully. Lloyd says nothing, but there’s a ghost of a smile around his lips. They must make an odd sight, the pair of them crouched in the dirt in the recovering garden. There’s no use in sitting here and looking at the flower, no explanation Garmadon can offer himself, but he doesn’t leave. He can take the moment, he decides, to appreciate what Lloyd is trying to show him.

They too, after all, are still alive.

#lego ninjago #ninjago #lloyd garmadon #garmadon #my fic #oh nO im getting emotional now

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woundjob · 4 years ago

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hi! ive always thought that i was comfortable with my gender but lately ive been thinking about it a lot and im not so sure about it anymore. im not in a safe environment so i cant explore it too much. just wanted to ask u about some articles/books or any piece of media that you would recomend to explore gender and have a better understanding of it. u can totally ignore this if u dont feel like answering, it might be tiring and its not your responsability to help/educate me.

thank you so much for waiting on this, it’s been a busy week and i wanted to give you a thoughtful response

i completely understand what you’re going through. i personally grew up conservative and did not get the chance to experience lgbt/queer lifestyle until i left home. it’s very frustrating to not be able to explore who you are until adulthood and i empathize

one thing that important to remember as far as gender and sexuality go is that you don’t need to know who you will be tomorrow, the next day, next year, or in 2050. all you need to know is who you are in this moment, and all anyone has to understand is who you say you are. you don’t have to decide who you will be for the rest of your life right this second, you just have to Be.

and there doesn’t have to be a label on it either. lie to the barista when they ask your name, refer to yourself as a man or woman or nonbinary person, make and consume art about trans and nonbinary people but don’t rush to box yourself in. you will grow into yourself. be patient.

it’s hard when you’re closeted. my best advice is make friends with other trans people. trans forums on reddit and trans communities on here are very helpful. even more helpful are in person communities. great places to start are zine libraries and anarchist bookstores. it might be hard to believe in certain areas but i promise there are some near you. google is your friend 💜

if you have trouble finding those, planned parenthood in your area can help. check them out :)

some books:

- stone butch blues (duh)

- everyone is gay by kristin russo (who is a friend of mine!! her work is great even if this is a little dated now)

- quick and easy guides series from oni/limerance (my book will be part of this but there’s some really excellent gender ones)

and good luck anon!

#hope this is helpful!!!!

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thewritewolf · 4 years ago

Text

A Model’s Shadow

Summary: Juleka's dream is to be a model, and there is one person in her class that can give her a hand... and maybe she has a little insight that can help him out in return.

I wrote this fic way back in August of 2019 for @adrienagrestezine "Silver Linings". Now that the zine has been published and the left over sale has started, I'm pleased to finally be able to share this fic with all of you!

Enjoy!

Read on Ao3

Adrien walked up the steps of the school with a smile on his face. Not because he was particularly looking forward to learning today, but because this was the first day back to school after he and Ladybug had accidentally revealed their identities to each other.

It hadn’t been anything too exciting that finally did their secrecy in. They both simply happened to duck into the same alleyway as their miraculous gave their last shrill beeps. A few silent moments had passed between them before Marinette shrieked and sprinted away before Adrien could squeeze a word out.

But that was okay! It was a lot to take in and Marinette could be a little… jumpy under pressure. He gave her plenty of space. No matter how often he had wanted to run over to her house as Chat Noir that weekend. But now it was Monday and seeing each other was practically unavoidable.

His ears perked up when he caught her voice, although he couldn’t make out the words. He closed his locker quietly and crept towards the sound. That was definitely her voice, but he couldn’t hear the other speaker. Maybe it was her kwami?

Then they rounded the corner. Bumping into her didn’t bother him at all, that had happened plenty of times before. But her reaction was to spring backwards as if his chest had burned her? It stung to see. She lost her footing and almost went tumbling onto the floor before Adrien caught her by the wrist.

He helped her regain her footing, his hand lingering on hers as he asked, “Are you alright, Mari?”

Her face turned bright red and she pulled away. While she retreated, she pulled the person she had been speaking with around the corner and brandished her in front of herself. She blurted out, “Juleka wants modeling help!”

And then she was gone.

Adrien blinked and turned to face Juleka. No wonder he hadn’t heard her - he wasn’t sure if he had ever heard Juleka raise her voice to be much louder than a whisper. Juleka glanced up at him, blinking in confusion at what just happened. She gave a nervous smile and tiny wave before looking away again.

“So…” Adrien said, rubbing the back of his neck, “...you want to be a model?”

—————

Towards the end of the week, Adrien found himself at a photoshoot for the spring line. More precisely, he found himself waiting in the dressing room while they were working through the other models and getting his set assembled.

At least this time he had company.

Adrien squirmed in his seat. He felt like a bad host for letting the silence stretch between them. Especially since she’d be hovering at the sidelines anyway while he was in front of the camera.

“So… Modeling, huh?”

Juleka blinked in surprise before giving a weak smile. “I know, it’s not what most people expect, from, um… someone like me.”

“It’s not that I don’t think you can do it,” Adrien rushed to add. “I just didn’t think you wanted to be in the spotlight is all.”

“You’re not wrong.” She laughed nervously. “I guess… I guess it’s about proving that I could if I set my mind to it, you know?”

“I can get that and I’ll do my best to help, but…” Adrien frowned. “Are you sure you want to do something that stresses you out this much, just to prove a point?”

“You sound like Rose.” Her smile was bright and genuine. “She worries a lot about me, but even when she thinks I’m making a mistake she has my back.”

His thoughts went back to Marinette. Even when she couldn’t form words around him, he knew she was incredibly loyal to her friends and was always willing to go the extra mile for them. He was brought back to the present by Juleka waving her hand in front of his face.

“Hey. You zoned out for a second. Thinking about someone in particular?” There was a glint of amusement in the one eye he could see, as if she already knew.

“Am I that obvious?” He sighed.

“Just a little. The whole ‘watching her like a love sick kitten’ thing really gave it away.”

“Well, she’s just so…” He trailed off, gesturing wildly with his hand as he struggled to come up with the right words. “Small. And cute. And pink?” He buried his face in his hands as Juleka laughed.

“Trust me, I totally understand. That’s a spot on description of my girlfriend, after all. What else do you like about her?”

“Her kindness. Her creativity. The way her nose scrunches when she concentrates.” He peeked out from between his fingers. “Feel free to stop me at any time. I could go on all day.”

“Don’t worry. It’s cute.” She drummed nervously on her legs as she glanced at the door to the room, as if expecting the photographer to burst in at any moment. She asked distractedly, “Are you going to ask her out?”

Poor Adrien had been taking a sip of water at just the wrong moment and Juleka had to wait until his coughing fit subsided before he could answer. “Well, I- not that I don’t want to but- I’m not sure she really…”

She tilted her head at him. “You don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?”

“Um… let’s just say Marinette won’t turn you down if you ask for a date.”

“What do you-”

Juleka’s phone went off and she pulled it out quickly. “Oh! An update from the Ladyblog. So… the heroes of Paris - pretty cool, huh?”

Adrien was aware she was changing the topic, but considering it was ultimately still about the same person, he let it slide. “Yeah, very cool. Especially that Ladybug. She’d give Marinette a run for her money.”

“See, I always liked Chat Noir better.”

That caught Adrien’s attention. “Really?”

“Mhm. He’s… actually kind of a role model to me. Have you ever met him? In person?”

“I- No, I don’t think I have.” He smirked. “Is it because you two have a similar taste in colors?”

She glanced down at her mostly-black outfit and smirked. “I appreciate that he’s a cat of fine taste too, but no. He’s a sweet guy, friendly, outgoing… but he’s fine taking a backseat and letting Ladybug take the spotlight.”

“It sounds like you really admire him.” Adrien was proud of how level he was keeping his voice. It would be hard to explain if he started crying now.

“Oh, definitely. Especially his confidence. Whenever I’m scared about putting myself out there, I try my best to be like him.”

Adrien chuckled. “You’ve just summed up the big piece of advice I was going to give you.” At her confused look, he added, “Fake confidence looks exactly like the real deal if you believe.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “Everyone is afraid, but you do it anyway.”

For the next few minutes, he did his best to pass along as many tips that he could. The ones that he would have loved to have gotten when he was starting out. Soon enough they were chatting like old friends. By the time an intern came to get him, Juleka was looking more sure of herself and as ready as she was ever going to be.

——————

“A-adrien, if you could just move a little over… Perfect!” Marinette took another few pictures and checked her phone to look them over.

Adrien relaxed from his pose and walked around to look over Marinette’s shoulder, a spot already crowded by the rest of the girls. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Juleka wearing a similar outfit to his own, hanging back uncertainly. He gave her a reassuring smile and motioned her over.

“Wow, you guys did great!” Mylene beamed at the pictures as Marinette sorted through them. “I bet it’ll be hard to narrow them down to just a few for the website.”

“I’m so proud of you, Jules!” Rose threw her arms around Juleka, humming excitedly.

Alya pulled Marinette into a one armed hug. “Your designs look great, girl! How about we all go celebrate with some ice cream?” She glanced over at him.

“Sure! I’m not supposed to be home for another half hour anyway.”

While the others funneled downstairs, chatting excitedly among themselves, Adrien noticed that Marinette was hanging behind to put away the props and accessories they had used.

It was just the two of them in the room. Adrien took a deep breath and stood beside her, his mind racing with all the first date ideas he’d thought up during all the time they’d known each other. He called on all the fake confidence he could find.

“Hey, bugaboo… Got a moment to Chat?”

#Miraculous Ladybug #Adrien Agreste #Juleka Couffaine #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Julerose #Adrienette #ml fanfiction #my writing #A Model's Shadow

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inkjackets · 4 years ago

Text

Shattered Sunshine

This piece was written for the @mlwriterzine

I was so grateful to be part of such a fantastic zine with so many amazing writers! (Do check out the works by everyone else, they’re all so good!!) Also big thanks to the mods for all their hard work in making honestly such a beautiful zine.

AO3

Paris glistened under the glorious summer sun; the skies shimmered blue overhead. Yet Marinette felt only ice swirl in her gut as she and Alya reached the top of the mountain.

She placed her basket down with a thump and inhaled the summer air, attempting to alleviate her anxiety. But it was hot and stifling and burned through her lungs, only succeeding in magnifying her emotions.

She brushed her fringe back. “I hate summer,” she muttered, glancing at her friend. With her short-shorts, loose buttoned shirt, and hair swept into a high ponytail, Alya Césaire looked the epitome of cool.

“No, you don’t,” Alya said, not unkindly, as she unravelled the picnic blanket. “You’re just nervous.” Marinette bit her lip and took the sides, helping her friend lie it flat. “Though I don’t know why,” Alya continued as they both crawled onto the rug, “I thought you’d be excited to see our ray of sunshine again.”

Marinette averted her gaze. Sunshine, sunshine, Paris’s perfect ray of sunshine. Yet the thought of him made her turn cold.

She grabbed the basket and unloaded the food while Alya laid the drinks on the blanket, but she tensed when she opened the box of Dupain-Cheng pastries, full of croissants and cookies …

And passionfruit macarons.

“It’s been five years, Alya,” Marinette said quietly. “What if everything’s changed?”

Alya cocked her head to the side. “Don’t you hope it has?”

Marinette clenched the box tight. Apprehension curled in her stomach and fear clawed its way through her as she gazed over Paris sprawled out far beneath them: iron rooftops gleaming; the Seine glittering; Sacré-Cœur shining like a beacon on the horizon; and backdrop to it all, the brilliant sun. Sweat trickled slowly down her back.

Nino’s distinct voice hit her ears followed by Adrien’s unmistakable laugh. Sickness and trepidation surged within her. She looked at Alya with panic, but her friend had already jumped up to greet the boys. Marinette scrambled to her feet and stared wide-eyed at Adrien—currently enveloping Alya in a hug. They broke apart. He turned to her. Her heart pounded.

For, in his white shirt, with that smile, and his eyes golden-green, Adrien Agreste was breathtaking.

“Hey,” he said, giving a small smile and a wave.

Marinette went to wave back, but she realised she was still holding the box of pastries. She frowned at herself. Why was it still in her hands?

��H-hey,” she then managed to get out.

They both stared at each other, unsure of how to proceed. He looked down at the box she was holding.

“Are those passionfruit macarons?” Adrien asked, wide-eyed.

“Uh, yeah,” she thrust the box forward. “Want one?”

His eyes lit up. Marinette’s heart warmed, and then it sank. She didn’t want to feel for him.

Adrien took a macaron, bit into it, and moaned. “God, I’ve missed your bakery.”

Marinette internally scowled at the heat that rose in her cheeks.

“Dudes!” Nino leapt in and wrapped his arms around them both, pulling them in so close they almost banged heads.

“Smile!” Alya grinned, readying her phone for a group selfie.

Adrien laughed, and he and Nino both pulled a stupid face. Marinette forced herself to smile. Alya snapped the picture.

“It’s been too long since the four of us have been together,” Alya said, grinning up at them all as Nino released her and Adrien.

Marinette felt Adrien’s eyes on her. She swallowed and glanced at him, not wanting those green eyes to make her heart flutter as it did. He gave a hesitant smile. She stared back. She didn’t smile.

“Dude! Are those Dupain-Cheng pastries?” Nino cried, ripping the box from her hands.

Marinette tore her eyes from Adrien and grinned. “Baked fresh this morning!”

Nino sat down and shoved a croissant into his mouth. “Ermagoh, oh goo!” he exclaimed, mouth overflowing with pastry. They all laughed and settled around him.

But while the other’s dove into the picnic and conversation, Marinette barely ate a thing and simply let the conversation wash over her.

She plucked blades of grass as the blazing sun burned her neck, and the start of a headache began pounding behind her eyes. And every time Adrien spoke, the chill in her stomach spread, worming its snaky tendrils right through her.

Yet, she couldn’t help but stare at him.

For he looked good—healthy even—relaxed and at ease. His smile was wide, and laugh loud, and hair more rugged than it used to be, lying somewhere between how he’d worn it at school, and how it’d been styled as his alter-ego, Chat Noir. A smile rose on her face; it suited him. However, with each flicker of his eyes and each smile that stretched just a little too wide, she could see his facade was cracking.

Because something was off.

Of course it was.

A part of her was desperate to comfort him and tell him everything was all right. But instead, she grabbed a can of Sprite and rolled it in her hands, squashing that part of her down. For there was a wall between her and Adrien. A wall she didn’t know how to—no. A wall she didn’t know she even wanted to break.

She spun the can faster.

“So what have you been up to, Marinette?”

Marinette tensed as those green eyes turned to her.

“I went to fashion school,” she said, simple and quiet.

“I always knew you would,” Adrien said, and Marinette’s heart fluttered at his soft smile. “How was it?”

She clenched the can of Sprite, desperate to hide her shaking hands.

“It was really good! I learnt so much.” She forced herself to smile.

Adrien’s smile faltered.

And Marinette wanted to laugh at the bitterness thrumming through her. Even after all these years, he could see right through her.

“Hey, did Alya tell you she’s got an internship with Le Monde ?” she then said quickly.

Pain flashed behind Adrien’s eyes, so quick she barely saw it. “No?” He turned to Alya, incredulous. “That’s amazing!”

Marinette scowled at the Sprite can and flipped it in her hands, pointedly ignoring Alya and Nino’s questioning glances. Unease gnawed at her insides; tears burned the back of her eyes. She couldn’t do this.

Seeing him again had been a mistake.

With a burst of anger, she ripped the can open, intending to take a huge gulp to drown the bitter taste in her mouth. However, froth exploded from the top, fizzing everywhere. She yelped, threw the can in her panic, and splashed it all over Alya.

There was a moment of stunned silence as Alya took in what had happened, gazing down at her sticky, sodden clothes. She looked up; Marinette squeaked.

“I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed, hands at her mouth, “I didn’t realise it was shaken and it took me by surprise andIdidn’tmeantothrowitonyouohmygosh! I’m so sor—” She froze when her friend’s lip curled.

“Nino!” Alya said, a mischievous glint in her eye.

“Got you, babe.”

Marinette squealed and tried to scrabble out the way as Nino went to tip an entire bottle of water over her head. But she was whisked away at the last second and thrown to the side.

Marinette laughed, amazed she was still dry. But when she turned, she saw Nino, empty bottle in his hand, staring wide-eyed at a soaking wet Adrien.

“Ah, shit,” Nino swore under his breath.

For a moment, the only sound was the soft pat-pat of drips running off Adrien onto the blanket. Then he slowly raised his head with a jagged grin on his face.

Nino yelped and ran, but Adrien dove on top of him and forced water down his shirt. However, he’d only emptied half the bottle when Alya, with mock outrage, pulled him off her boyfriend. He laughed and tipped the rest of the bottle over her, quickly regretting it when she splashed him back in the face.

Marinette watched them from the sidelines, smiling at their fun, until suddenly all three rounded on her.

She shrieked with laughter as they showered her in water. But then, spying an opening, she dove and swiped a nearby bottle before spinning and aiming it threateningly at her attackers. Their smiles instantly dropped. Screaming and laughing, they scattered in all directions as Marinette enacted her revenge.

Once the last bottle had been emptied, they all flopped to the ground, chests heaving and scattered laughter ringing out.

Warmth and happiness thrummed through Marinette as she wrung out her dress and then leant back to gaze at the sky, smiling at the fluffy clouds that had decided to drift over. Her only regret was not drinking some water before it’d gotten weaponised; her headache was still there, and her throat was getting dry.

Adrien, too, leant back, placing his hands so close to hers they almost touched. He then rolled his head back and gazed at her with his soft, lazy smile.

Her heart clenched. Then, ever so slowly, she relaxed her shoulders and returned his smile with a soft one of her own. Adrien sucked in his breath; his eyes shone with hope. And Marinette’s breath caught in her throat as the tension began to evaporate between them, disappearing up into the clouds like the water.

“I’ve missed this,” Nino said. “Just the four of us, like old times.”

Adrien froze. Marinette stiffened. The tension came crashing back. She pulled her hand away from his and curled in on herself, cold seeping under her skin despite the heat.

Alya flopped onto her back. “You know what I miss?” she said, reaching for the sky, “Ladybug and Chat Noir.” Marinette tensed. “Like after Gabriel got put away—which I’m so sorry about, Adrien—they just vanished. Poof! Right into thin air.” Her fingers trailed the sky. “Like what happened to them? Where are they now? What are they doing?” Marinette felt Adrien’s gaze on her, but when she looked at him, he was staring with glazed eyes at the grass. Alya’s hand flopped to the ground. “I hope they’re okay.”

Regret simmered within Marinette as Adrien slowly raised his eyes to meet her’s, pain shining so clear it pierced her heart.

“I hope so too,” he said quietly.

Marinette clenched her jaw. She turned away. She closed her eyes and tried not to grimace, fighting the tears that stung her eyelids.

For she wanted to be okay. She wanted them both to be okay. She opened her eyes and slowly exhaled. But they weren’t.

“Ice-cream!” Alya suddenly exclaimed making Marinette jump. “I want ice-cream! Nino, come with!” She leapt to her feet and tugged her yelping boyfriend.

Panic flared in Marinette’s gut. “Wait, Alya, no!” She didn’t want to be left with Adrien.

Alya swooped in. “You need to fix whatever this is,” she hissed in her ear, glancing at Adrien, before pulling back and running off with Nino in tow.

“W-wait!” Marinette spluttered. “No, Alya!”

Alya gave a wave of her hand as Nino glanced back and shrugged helplessly.

“They didn’t even take our order,” Adrien noted, eyes glittering with amusement as he watched their friends disappear before turning to her. Marinette stared. His grin widened. And that image of Chat Noir slammed into her mind; of that smile he used to give her, high up on the Eiffel tower …

She scrambled to her feet and clutched her middle; confusion and nausea swirled within her.

“Marinette?”

She gritted her teeth and turned away as Adrien got up and stepped towards her.

“M’Lady?” he asked softly, reaching out.

“Don’t call me that!” she hissed. Adrien flinched and snatched his hand back. “You lost that privilege the day you left.”

She wrapped her arms around herself as Adrien tightened his jaw.

“We were seventeen, Marinette. I had no choice as to whether I could stay or not.”

Rage blossomed within her. “You could have told me!” she yelled, whipping around, hair flying. “You could’ve at least said goodbye! Instead, I got told by Nino, by Nino , that you’d gone and moved to London!”

Adrien drew in on himself and averted his eyes.

“You abandoned Paris,” she continued, a lump rising in her throat. “You abandoned me .” Her voice cracked. She took a shuddering breath to quell her emotions, but the air was so hot that it stirred them instead.

Adrien swallowed and shook his head as pain rose on his face. “It was all too much,” he whispered, voice hoarse with memories. “You were Ladybug. And Dad was—” he blanched, “and then Mum …”

Guilt stabbed Marinette in the gut as Adrien’s eyes glazed over; she didn’t want to send him back to those days.

“I thought of you every day,” Adrien said quietly.

“Then why didn’t you call?”

“I—” Adrien choked, “I didn’t know what to say.”

Marinette’s blood boiled, her headache pounded between her eyes. “Anything!” she yelled, her throat raw and burning. “Anything would have been better than five years of silence!”

“I know! I KNOW!” Adrien cried with frustration. “Okay, I KNOW , but I couldn’t .”

“What the hell does that mean?” Her hands shook and vision blurred.

He grabbed his hair in distress. “I just couldn’t , alright!”

“No!” she screamed, “ I don’t understa —”

“HE WAS HAWK MOTH !” Adrien roared, stunning her into silence. “MY FATHER WAS A TERRORIST WHO TRIED TO BRING BACK MY MOTHER AND DESTROYED ALL OF PARIS TO DO SO!”

Adrien’s chest heaved, tears shimmered in his eyes. And Marinette stared, her own chest growing tight.

“I know,” she whispered, voice hoarse and aching, “That’s why I—”

“I lived with him, Marinette!” His words glimmered with pain. “I lived with him my whole life, and I had no idea. I should’ve known!” Hysteria rose within him. “I should’ve known !”

“No, that’s not …” She tried to speak, but her tongue was heavy in her mouth. “You can’t—” Her breathing quickened.

“He hurt you!” Adrien continued, voice cracking with pain, “He hurt everyone. I hurt everyone.” He shook his head and covered his mouth, tears spilling down his cheeks as those dark days returned with a vengeance. “How could you love me after that?”

Marinette blinked back the blinding sun; her vision started swimming. “Adrien, you’re—” she faltered, “you were my partner.” Tears burned her eyes, but they wouldn’t spill over. “My best friend!” She felt faint and lightheaded. “You know I—” She shook her head. “I—” She tried to take a step forward, but the world spun around her.

Adrien lowered his hands, eyes wide with panic. “Marinette?” His voice sounded distant.

She clutched her head as her headache exploded. Adrien’s mouth moved, but no sound hit her ears.

She staggered. The world tilted.

Everything went black.

~~~

Marinette groaned. She opened her eyes, squinting at the sunshine before focusing on the two pairs of golden-brown eyes above her.

“Oh, thank God. You okay, girl?”

Marinette grimaced and pushed herself to a sitting position, leaning back against the tree she was under.

“What happened?” she said, voice dry and raspy.

“You fainted, dude,” Nino said, “But you were out for like a minute, max.”

“We got back just in time to see Adrien catch you. Then he carried you here, to the shade.” Alya gave her a small smile.

Marinette looked around as Nino and Alya’s words sank in, eyeing the four ice-creams lying face down in the dirt. She then looked back at the brown eyes in front of her and realised what was missing.

“Where’s Adrien?” she cried, panic flaring within her. She tried to get to her feet, pushing back against the hands that were stopping her.

“Chill, Mari! He’s gone to get water. We used all ours in the—” Alya cut off as Adrien appeared behind her. Wide-eyed and flushed with a bottle of water in each hand, he’d clearly run as fast he could.

His face broke with relief when he saw she was awake. He swiftly knelt, uncapped a bottle, and handed it to her.

Marinette sipped, and then gulped down the water, sighing as her headache immediately lessened and energy flooded through her.

“How are you feeling?” Adrien asked softly as she finished the bottle.

“Much better. Thank you,” she replied, just as quiet, and looked up.

The moment hung between them, unresolved emotions bled into the tension, but those green eyes remained ever constant.

In the corner of her vision, she saw Alya tug Nino’s hand—“Come on, let’s give them space.”—and lead him away.

But Marinette just stared into those eyes.

A breeze ruffled Adrien’s shirt. Hairs tickled the back of her neck. Then suddenly the tears fell, thick and fast, down her cheeks; her emotions were finally able to spill over.

Sobs wracked her body. Her breath hitched in her throat. And when Adrien wrapped his arms around her, she wailed into his chest. His own tears dripped onto her shoulders.

“I’m so sorry,” Adrien whispered into her hair, and it was like a shot to the chest.

She pulled back, hands still on his chest. “Don’t say that.” Her voice was deathly quiet. “You don’t—you can’t—” She swallowed the guilt clawing her throat. “A-After Nino told me …” she trailed off, filling with regret, “I-I should have called you too.” Adrien sucked in his breath. “I’m sorry.” Her voice cracked.

Adrien shook his head as fresh tears streamed down his face.

She reached out her hand and gently placed it on his cheek. He leant into her and closed his eyes, and her heart warmed as she gently wiped away his tears with her thumb.

Adrien took her hand in his own and held it in his lap; tingles shot up her spine at his soft, ginger touch.

“What do you say we start again?” he said, his voice quiet. His eyes pierced hers and a small smile tugged at his lips.

Marinette stopped breathing. Tears spilled down her cheeks. She shifted her hand in his grip so her fingers entwined his.

“I’d like that,” she whispered.

#miraculous ladybug #ml #mlb #adrinette #adrienette #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #ml fic #angst #ml angst #angst with a happy ending #my writing #shattered sunshine #ml writer zine #mlwriterzine

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purrincess-chat · 4 years ago

Text

Song of a Caged Bird (Kagami Zine)

Hi everyone! I participated in the @kagamizine this summer, and the whole zine is out now! Please go check out the whole thing and show all of the creators some love because everyone worked super hard and all of the pieces came out amazing!

For my piece I decided to go with some girl squad bonding cause I want more of it in canon. Let Kagami have a group of loving gal pals!

Read on AO3

“Wait, you’ve never had a sleepover?”

Marinette’s jaw hung slack as Kagami took a slow sip of her juice and averted her gaze. The warm spring sunlight filtered through the trees, tiny birds flitting through the branches. Kagami envied them a little getting to spread their wings and fly away from home. A chance to be free. She turned back to Marinette and pursed her lips.

“I’ve never really been allowed to have friends. Even in Japan, I was always home training and studying,” she said, swirling her drink around with a frown. “My mother views such things as unnecessary and distracting.”

“But she let you be friends with Adrien and now me,” Marinette offered. She had a way of making anything seem positive. It was admirable, but unfortunately in this case, it didn’t work.

“Adrien is an elite fencing partner and potential suitor in her eyes. Nothing more,” she said. “And you’re…an exception. To keep me from rebelling, but even with us, the only time we’re allowed to hang out is to get juice once a week. This is my mother’s idea of friendship.”

“Well, maybe that can change. After all, you went from not being allowed to have any friends to being allowed to have at least one. Maybe she’ll have a change of heart,” Marinette said as a red car rolled up to the curb.

“I doubt it, but thank you, Marinette,” Kagami said, standing up and bowing. “If this is all I can have, then I will happily accept it. I’m glad to call you my friend.”

“Me too, Kagami,” Marinette said, hopping up to hug her goodbye. Kagami wasn’t usually one for hugs, but for Marinette, she made an exception. It felt nice.

“I’ll see you next week,” Kagami said, climbing in the car.

“Yeah. See you.” Marinette smiled though the sentiment didn’t reach her eyes.

She knew it must have been eating away at her. Marinette liked to help her friends after all, but there was nothing she could do. This would always be Kagami’s life. There was no way around it.

***

“Okay, girls, we have to do something,” Marinette said later that evening, pacing back and forth across her bedroom floor. “Kagami is all alone, and she’s never had friends before. She likes to act tough, but I can tell how sad it makes her.”

“Okay, but her mom is literally a huge brick wall. No way she just lets Kagami have a sleepover with us,” Alix said pointedly.

“Yeah, M. She’s ten times as strict and overprotective as Gabriel,” Alya added. “I get that you want to help Kagami, we all do, but in this case, I don’t think there’s anything we can do.”

“We’ve got to try! I’m sure we can get through to her mom if we ask really, really nicely,” she said, but when her friends didn’t seem convinced, she pressed her palms together. “Come on, please?”

“Okay, fine. We will help you talk to Kagami’s mom, but seeing as this plan is bound to fail-”

“It’s definitely going to fail,” Alix said.

“-we need to be ready with a backup,” Alya finished.

“What kind of backup?” Mylene asked, tilting her head to the side.

“Well, if her mom says no, which she likely-”

“Definitely,” Alix added.

“-will, we need to think of another way to help Kagami get to the sleepover,” Alya said, and Marinette quirked a brow.

“Are you suggesting-”

“Yep.” Alya’s lips curled into a crooked grin. “We’re going to sneak Kagami out.”

***

“Stand up straighter.”

Kagami tensed under her mother’s demand, but adjusted her posture nonetheless. She was used to her cold tone, and during practice, Kagami saw her more as a drill-sergeant than a mother. It was better to do as she was told without question. Even without sight, Kagami’s mother knew every wrong move she made. On most days, she’d push harder to get everything right, but today her mind wandered, replaying her last conversation with Marinette.

All her life, she’d done as she was told and never questioned. She’d let herself become numb to the patronizing voices and walled herself off from feeling. Never before had she paid much thought to making friends or playing outside – those things were luxuries Kagami couldn’t afford. Her days were spent training to be the best, so sacrifices had to be made, but all of that changed when she moved here.

When she met Adrien and Marinette.

Her friends.

When she was allowed to have fun for the first time - to be disobedient, even for a little while. Kagami had never considered such things before, didn’t dare. But like a child tasting sugar for the first time, once she had a taste, she wanted more. What made her so different from everyone else?

“Your form is sloppy today,” her mother said. “Perhaps you’re sluggish from drinking so much orange juice.”

“No, mother, I’m just a little tired, that’s all,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut to push the thoughts from her brain. Her vision blurred with hot tears as she ran through the maneuver again, but midway through, she faltered at the sight of her friends approaching her mother on the park bench.

“Um, hello, Mme. Tsurugi,” Marinette said when Alya pushed her forward.

“What is the meaning of this? Kagami, did you invite your friends to interrupt your training?” Her mother’s head snapped in her direction, and despite her mother’s lack of sight, Kagami shrank a little under her stare.

“No, mother. I didn’t invite them,” Kagami said, hoping to portray what a horrible idea this was to Marinette with a look. Still, she was touched that her friends would even try.

“She’s telling the truth, ma’am,” Alya interjected, and her mother tapped her finger on her walking stick with a frown.

“Why have you disrupted my private training with my daughter?” She snapped, and Marinette bit back a wince.

“Well, you see, ma’am, my friends and I are planning to have a sleepover tonight, and we were wondering if Kagami could-”

“No.” Her reply was clipped, final, leaving no room for argument, at least Kagami thought so, but Marinette squared her shoulders and took a breath.

“I know you’re very protective of your daughter, but she’s just a kid. She should be allowed to have fun every now and then,” Marinette said, and instant regret flashed on her face as her mother stood up.

“How dare you tell me what is best for my daughter! I am her mother, and she will do as I say!” Tomoe said, brandishing her stick like a sword, and her friends shrank back.

“Mother!” Kagami stepped in, batting the stick away with her boken. “Please, they are just trying to do something nice for me. They mean no harm.”

Her mother lowered her stick, but the tension remained in her shoulders. “Tell them goodbye, Kagami. We have work to do.”

“Yes, mother,” Kagami said, lowering her head as she turned back to Marinette. “I’m sorry, but I’m in the middle of training right now. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“I understand,” Marinette said, pulling her in for a hug.

Kagami clung tightly, soaking up all of Marinette’s warmth in hopes of defrosting the cold ache surrounding her heart. Marinette’s hand slipped into her pocket, and she blinked in confusion when Marinette pulled away and winked. As the girls made their retreat, Kagami traced her fingers over the outline of a note, her heart skipping. The small slip of paper weighed heavy in her pocket throughout the rest of her practice until she returned home to her room and read its contents.

Pack a bag. We’ll pick you up at 9:30

Kagami sat back against her pillows, heart pounding. Her friends were either the coolest people in the world or the craziest, but she was already counting the seconds.

***

“I think we need a new plan,” Alix said as the girls stared up at the tall wall surrounding the Tsurugi estate that could rival Adrien’s or the local prison.

“I don’t suppose any of you brought a ladder or a set of wings,” Mylene said, and Marinette pursed her lips, desperately searching for a way over and coming up empty.

“Not only is that wall insanely tall, but Kagami’s family manufactures crazy technology. I bet their whole house is booby-trapped to keep intruders out and more importantly, keep Kagami in,” Alix said, crossing her arms over her chest. “It was a good idea in theory, but I think we should abort mission.”

“But we promised Kagami we’d come get her,” Marinette said, whipping around to face them when the walls refused to give up their secrets.

“Actually, you promised Kagami,” Alix shot back, and the other girls winces spoke to their agreement.

“Your heart is in the right place. It’s just not possible, M,” Alya said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Yeah, you’d need superpowers to be able to get inside,” Mylene said, and Marinette’s spine stiffened.

She spun around again to examine the wall then flicked her gaze down to her purse. It was risky, but…

“I’ve got an idea,” Marinette said, taking off up the street.

“Where are you going?” Alya called, and Marinette plastered on a suspicious grin.

“Uh, I might know a way to get Kagami out, but I’ve gotta run and get it, you girls stay here, I’ll be right back!” She said, dashing up the street.

“I know what you’re thinking, and it’s out of the question,” Tikki said, popping out of her collar as they rounded the corner.

“No one will suspect anything,” Marinette promised, but Tikki simply frowned.

“That’s not the point, Marinette! Your powers aren’t meant to be used for-”

“Selfish reasons, I know, but is this really selfish? I mean, my job isn’t just to protect the city from akumas. Part of being a hero means giving people hope, and don’t you think Kagami needs a hero right about now?” Marinette said, ducking behind a car. “My powers are meant to help people, and what good are they if I don’t use them to do just that?”

Tikki weighed it for a moment before sighing. “Okay, but just be careful.”

“I will,” Marinette said, brushing her cheek with a finger. “Tikki, spots on!”

***

Kagami glanced at the clock for the hundredth time, nerves bubbling in her stomach with each tick.

9:46

Her friends were running late. Maybe they weren’t coming at all. No, she shook her head. Marinette promised, and she was always true to her word. They would come. Kagami just had to wait, but as the minutes past, those worries turned to doubts. What if her mother had scared them away? What if they didn’t like her anymore? What if…

Tap tap tap

Kagami jumped at the knock on her window, surprised by the person dangling on the other side.

“Ladybug?” She blinked as she pulled the window open.

“Someone requested a taxi service,” the heroine said with a smile, and at Kagami’s bewildered expression explained, “I was out patrolling when I ran into your friends outside the gate, and when they told me what they were up to, I offered to help. So, are you coming?”

Kagami flicked her gaze down to her outstretched hand. She smiled, shifting her bag over her shoulder, and placing her hand in Ladybug’s without a second thought, and the world around them flew by as Ladybug leapt over the other side of the wall to her friends. To freedom.

The girls were waiting on the sidewalk, and Kagami teared up when their faces brightened at the sight of her. They’d all come after all. All of them, except for one.

“Where’s Marinette?” Kagami asked, glancing around, and Ladybug stepped away.

“Uh, I’ll go find her for you guys and tell her to meet you at her house,” she said, waving them on. “Have fun with your sleepover!”

“Thanks for your help, Ladybug!” Alya said.

“Yeah, you rock,” Alix added, and Ladybug smiled before shooting off into the rooftops.

Kagami found herself surrounded by bodies as the girls pulled her in for a tight hug. She could barely breathe, but in a weird way, it felt nice.

“We are going to have so much fun! We’ve got movies and games and face masks, oh! And Mr. Dupain baked us special personalized macarons, and-” Rose rattled on while they walked, and Kagami took in the buildings with new eyes.

She’d snuck out. She’d snuck out. The streets were dark, but they’d never been more vibrant in her eyes. Her limbs were lighter, coursing with adrenaline as the tall walls grew distant, and with each step, her smile grew wider. She wasn’t sure she’d ever smiled this much, and it was starting to hurt her cheeks. But she didn’t care. This was…fun.

When they made it to Marinette’s front door, the absent girl came rushing from the other direction, stopping in front of them to catch her breath.

“Girl, where were you?” Alya asked, placing her hands on her hips.

“Sorry…I was…fireman…ladder…it was… You’re out!” She extended her arms to Kagami who was finding that she really liked hugs.

“You’ll never guess who helped us bail her out of jail,” Mylene said with a wicked grin.

“Uh, yeah, she explained everything to me. We got really lucky that Ladybug passed by. My plan to borrow a fire truck ladder was a long shot,” Marinette said, rubbing the back of her neck. “But the most important thing is that you’re free, Kagami, and tonight is your very first sleepover.”

“Girls, I just took a hot pizza out of the oven,” Marinette’s father announced, opening the door, and Marinette and Alya took Kagami’s hands, pulling her inside.

Marinette’s home was warm as if the heat of the ovens below had seeped into the bricks. The air felt different, lighter, sweeter, and Kagami realized that the warmth inside wasn’t from an oven, but from the people who lived there. Kagami had many houses. There was one here in Paris and two in Japan, but she’d never realized before now that none of them felt like this. That she’d never truly been home.

“So, Kagami, if you and Marinette ever had to fight for Adrien, who do you think would win?” Alix asked a while later after they’d stuffed themselves on pizza and watched some cheesy movie about a teen girl falling in love with her neighbor, and Alya whacked her in the arm. “What?”

“Alix! That’s not-”

“Well, considering my years of training and expertise in several styles of sword fighting and archery, I could best her easily in any combat scenario, though I do suppose she might have an advantage in strength seeing as she has lifted heavy sacks of flour in the bakery for many years, but strength can only take an inexperienced fighter so far before skill becomes a necessity,” Kagami answered, and the girls all stared at her in shock.

Just when she was starting to worry that she’d said something wrong, she was blinded by the soft fabric of a pillow. She blinked up at Marinette who wore a mischievous grin and saw the other girls arming themselves. It was an odd ritual for friends to beat each other with pillows, but that’s what made it so fun (and in the end, Kagami did prove herself victorious with very minor damage to anyone which was a stark contrast to how most of her fencing bouts ended, and Adrien had the bruises to prove it).

They talked. They ate so many sweets that Kagami wasn’t sure she remembered how to move. She laughed so hard, her sides hurt. If all sleepovers were like this, she understood why Marinette felt it so important for her to attend. Every girl should get to have fun like this, even just once.

“Are you having a good time?” Marinette asked as she painted Kagami’s nails a sparkly ruby red.

“Yes,” Kagami said with a nod, studying her every move. “I’ve never had my nails painted before. They’re beautiful.”

“I can paint them for you whenever you want. Your mom never has to know,” Marinette said with a wink, and Kagami smiled down at her fingers, watching the light catch the color.

“Thank you for all of this, Marinette. I am honored to have friends like you,” she said, and the warmth in Marinette’s eyes bore the same sentiment.

“Maybe one day we can convince your mom to let you out for real, but until then, we’re always here for you, okay?” Marinette said, and Kagami couldn’t help it. She hugged her.

She couldn’t really describe how she felt, but nestled between her friends on the floor of Marinette’s living room that night, she knew it was a feeling she’d never forget. When her alarm went off at 5:30, she hadn’t slept a wink, but her mind was alive with excitement, replaying the night over and over and over. It was time to return to her home before her mother woke and found her missing, and despite the stiffness of the floor or Rose’s elbow jabbing her side, Kagami wanted to lay there for just a minute longer, surrounded by her friends.

“Hey, we have to get you home,” Marinette yawned, shaking her shoulder.

They left the other girls asleep and made their way out into the quiet streets where businessmen and women were heading to their favorite bakeries. Neither one said much, and Kagami wasn’t quite sure if Marinette was truly awake, but when they arrived at her house, Marinette turned to her with a smile.

“Sorry you have to leave before breakfast. My dad always goes all out,” Marinette said. “But I’m glad you got to come.”

“Me too. Thank you for everything.” Kagami bowed, but she hesitated in the gate, biting her lip. “I’m glad we’re friends, Marinette.”

Marinette’s sunny expression said she felt the same way, and Kagami replayed the evening as she made her way inside. She was already dressed and ready when her mother woke up and met her in the tatami room for morning meditation.

“You seem happy this morning, Kagami,” her mother remarked as she took her place beside her.

Kagami smiled down at her ruby red nails and thought of her friends.

“Yeah, I am.”

#miraculous ladybug #kagami tsurugi #marinette dupain-cheng #kagami zine #kagaminette #my writing #hiatus cat #thank you so much to the mods for hosting this #it was a lot of fun!

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sleepymccoy · 4 years ago

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Hello! I wanted to ask you this bc I really admire your work and blog, and I get the sense that you're a person who can tackle nuance well (and I believe this topic deserves it). I've tried wording this as best as I could, and I'm sorry that it's very long.

I've started getting the impression that some parts of the Good Omens fanbase have been sort of contained, if that makes sense. I feel like small creators have a hard time getting attention to their work anymore. As if people are only looking at the same handful of established creators nowadays (and that those creators are only looking at one another). And by extension, content really only gets attention if it's liked/shared by certain people. And then on top of that, it really constricts a lot of topics in fic and art that get appreciated.

I know that the hype for Good Omens has died down in the past year and that explains a major dip in interest, but I still feel there's an imbalance. I see genuinely good work overlooked time and time again, and I worry that my own work has been looked over bc it simply hasn't been deemed a fan favorite. For a while it looked like there was an effort to boost smaller creators, but it's seems like it phased out pretty quickly. I will be honest, it's been a little discouraging. It feels like the Good Omens fanbase is a club a lot of us have been almost excluded from.

I wanted to know if I'm just imagining this whole scenario or if it's a thing others have noticed? If others have noticed, what can we do to spread some love?

I'm sorry if this came off the wrong way or like I'm scolding people. Or like I'm whinging like a needy child not getting enough attention. I'm curious and was wondering if it was worth asking someone else about. Thank you for reading! And thank you for responding if you do!

Hey! Thanks for all the compliments lol, that’s lovely of ya

I doubt i’ll be as succinct as you managed.

Overall, I agree. I don’t think you’re imagining things at all and I’ve certainly also noticed a decline in interest in my stuff since the start

This is a total theory, but I’m gonna put it forward cos it makes sense to me. When Good Omens started up everyone followed a load of people to get at the content and were reblogging and engaging all over the place. Spiderwebs of followers were formed. I think there are blogs who end up being more influential than others, it depends on what youre looking for in the fandom who that is for you, but there are always big sort of blogs that just reblog content to share it. I think they’re the things that change.

Cos what happens is interest wanes. Fans move on and go somewhere else. If you’re following and relying on a blog to show you lots of new art and they’re just not doing it any more, then you’re sort of left just seeing the popular stuff that gets cyclically reblogged.

For example, i was following, with notifications on, a blog that reblogged every bit of poc good omens fan art they came across. total mixed bag of quality, but it was fantastic and picked up blogs that were completely unknown to me. The person running it got tired and moved on, so i don’t have access to that any more. It’s a lost thread in my little spiderweb of access that cuts me off from so much and it’s a real loss

Alternatively, and this is the trap i fall into, you follow creators. Like what you said! So, when I see a post i like very much i go straight to OP and (after checking they’re not a terf or aphobic) i follow. This means i get new content from the source rather than relying on someone elses taste to have a chance of seeing it myself. However, it also means i’m not following many blogs that focus on reblogging a range of content, so i miss newcomers. I’m not ignoring newcomers, i simply don’t see them

Both approaches to who you follow come with the curse of as the fandom gets older, you don’t have a clear way to find new content or creators. There’s an early bird gets the worm element to it all

There’s also tumblr weird bad habit of not reblogging things. People who run personal blogs rather than themed blogs will like something and consider their work done, but that does nothing to help new art or new artists, cos it’s not permeated yet. That kills new content and content creators pretty thoroughly

So yeah, i think there’s a lot going on there, but you’re certainly not making it up and a lack of engagement on your posts isnt an indication that people don’t like it, it just means people haven’t seen it or have fallen for their habit of not reblogging things they really ought to share.

In terms of fixing this? That’s a toughie.

I don’t have a fix, but i agree the lethargy is tiresome. It’s a constant effort to get something to take off, i have to reblog stuff four or five times before it starts moving beyond my immediate sphere of influence. But it makes sense, there are less fans and the fans there are aren’t out looking for new people to follow.

but i don’t like ending on a negative, so i’ll talk about some options or ideas! even though i don’t have the kind of influence someone would need to be heard

In my perfect world (and i repeat this is my day dream, i do not pretend it is well thought out or fair for all) i would remove the like function; either reblog it or you don’t get to keep an access. I would see more blogs that reblog content to a theme. I would see blogs that search out new creators. I would see newsletters that name new creator blogs that have engaged recently. I would see blogs that make it a challenge to themselves to reblog art and fic that has less than 100 notes. I would see more low stress fan events, more prompt lists and less organised zines.

But that’s all a lot of work for individual people to take on (except the likes vs reblogs thing, but that a real personal dislike of mine). I’ve tried to take part, I run @goodomensevents which is a blog where i reblog any general community event on tumblr that doesn’t cost money to take part in. But i don’t really think it has much impact, cos i thought of it too late in the game and no one wants to follow new good omens blogs anymore.

which i understand. i’m happy with my dash, i don’t feel like it’s lacking. I love who i follow. my mutuals talk to me and aren’t cunts. And i have no idea how to find new creators even though i may want to.

But hey, if anyone’s running a blog like what i’ve described, please send me a link! Maybe i’ll make a rec list on good omens events lol, see what happens. I’ll definitely follow you

#sleepy speaks #long post #im so bad at remeembering to tag long post im very glad i remembered here #i added the bolds afterwards cos it was just a massive fucking wall of text otherwise whoops #Anonymous

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punkpoemprose · 4 years ago

Text

December 15th- A Convenient Arrangement Part 7

Universe: Canonverse Arranged Marriage AU Rating:T Length: 4309 Words A/N: Anna gets to let it all out. This is the Anna and Elsa conflict that I wish they could have included in the movies, because as wonderful and kind and forgiving as Anna is, everyone has a breaking point. I thought this was going to be 10 chapters. It’s looking closer to 13-15 I think, but we’ll see how much I can squeeze in going forward. I have 4 days to write 10 more fics, and I work two of them... and I have a zine yo put together...we’ll see how this goes!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6]

She’d woken in his arms when sunlight flooded through the cabin’s front windows, warming her face and informing her that it was time rise once again. She’d kept her eyes closed despite it, pretending that she was still asleep. She just wanted to listen to his breathing and the beating of his heart for a little longer. She just wanted to be close and know that his holding her so tight was purposeful because she knew that he was awake and was trying to not wake her.

I’m not a good person.

The thought was not self-deprecating so much as it was chiding as she laid in bed with him for another half hour at least, feeling the rise and fall of his chest beneath her and trying not to flush when his hands would move across her back or tuck away a stray hair. It felt strange, but wonderful to be cared for.

She knew that she shouldn’t have pretended to be asleep, but she could never remember waking up and feeling quite so safe as she did in his arms. Moments of tenderness like that was not something she was used to and so she’d allowed herself to indulge in it, and he hadn’t commented even though she suspected that he knew after a short time that she was awake.

They’d had a light breakfast, and he’d helped her redress herself in the soft morning light. She thought that she may remember the deft way he’d adjusted her corset lacing for the rest of her life. He’d asked her if she’d needed help, and while she didn’t really, she’d consented because it was easier with help, and because she was curious about whether he could manage it with only her spoken instructions. She’d felt warm when he’d expertly tugged and tied, explaining sheepishly that he was used to ropework and that he hoped he hadn’t hurt her.

She knew now, after their night alone, that he’d never hurt her. At least not on purpose.

He’d never hurt her the way Hans had.

The quiet morning had continued on the wagon ride back to Arendelle. They hadn’t spoken of anything of consequence since the night before, occasionally breaking the silence with a comment about their surroundings or the weather, but otherwise enjoying the easy silence that no longer felt uncomfortable between them. They would have plenty of time to talk, but they both had seemed to enjoy the lack of questions and heavy conversations for a while.

The calm had ended after they reentered the castle gates, at least for her. She wasn’t certain about how things went for him because they’d been separated too quickly for her tastes.

He’d gone to care for Sven, not entrusting the sweet reindeer with a groom was something that Anna understood now. Sven was as much his family as the trolls were, as she hoped she was. Kristoff felt a duty to care for the creature himself.

Anna, however, had been quickly corralled into her sister’s office, where the day quickly became anything but quiet.

“What were you thinking?” Elsa said, her voice high and the anxiety not at all hidden.

Anna thought that the temperature in the room was maybe ten degrees lower than it was in the hallway just outside the closed door. Her chest felt tight at the realization, and her headache from the night before, when her memories had been returned to her seemed to resurge slightly, a dull hum of discomfort behind her eyes. She clenched her jaw and tried to focus on something else, the wall, the window, anything but her angry sister.

“I left you a note,” she said after a moment’s thought, “I was thinking I was spending some time with my husband.”

Elsa wasn’t calmed by this though. She shook her head and scoffed, giving Anna a look of annoyance, or maybe disappointment that burned through her, like she was being given a forcible internal frost burn from the coolness, even as she tried to look away from it.

“Did you not learn anything from Hans?”

Her hands balled into fists at her side. It wasn’t a question. It was an attack. This wasn’t a meeting, it was an interrogation.

And Anna wasn’t going to back down from it.

“Have you learned anything about what happens when you try to control my life?”

It was a snipe, but she wasn’t about to let Elsa judge her, Queen or not, for trying to get to know the husband that she had forced her into marrying. Elsa had all the power in deciding how they were to handle the fallout after everything with Hans, and instead of trying to find another way to calm the populace, she’d consented to a royal wedding. She’d asked Anna if she was comfortable with it as an afterthought, after the wheels were already in motion, and while she’d seemingly felt bad about the whole thing, it still wasn’t lost on Anna that her sister had once told her that she couldn’t marry someone she just met, and then all but forced her to do the very same.

“Or do you get to blindly pass judgement because you have a crown now?”

Anna saw the ice forming on the windowpanes behind her sister’s desk. The summer scene of gardens and green grass behind her suddenly covered with thick ice marring the sightline. Anna had been looking out to the stables out of the corner of her eye, taking comfort in knowing that Kristoff wasn’t far off. It probably wasn’t a good sign that she felt more comfortable with him than her own sister already. Really though, despite being a stranger, he was giving her a chance to know him. Elsa hadn’t afforded her the same chance, making her all the more the stranger.

“This isn’t about me,” Elsa hissed, “This is about your reckless behavior. You should have taken a guard with you. He could have…”

He could have killed you.

She might have entertained the thought before the trip. In fact, she had, but as reckless as it may have seemed to others to trust him, she knew that she had nothing to fear from him. He’d never meant her harm of any kind, not from the very start.

He wasn’t a man of manners or class or breeding. He was a simple ice harvester, and he’d helped her stand strong at their wedding, he’d not forced himself on her on their wedding night, he’d given her so much of himself, and he’d been nothing but gentle with her.

It wasn’t a long play. It was a kindness. It was something like love.

She thinks he could have killed me.

It was laughable, but she wasn’t laughing. She was raging inside, her heart pounding, and her head aching from the tension in her jaw.

“You could have!” Anna shouted in return, “And I should thank you by the way for your restraint, given that I just recently found out that you apparently almost killed me once before too. Why didn’t you tell me before Elsa? Was it just one more thing you didn’t think I could handle?”

Elsa’s brow furrowed, the fire was still in her eyes, but it was mixed with confusion.

“I take it a troll visited you last night to let you know where I was. Well, I had a lovely time with them, and apparently, I knew about you and the ice and everything until I was five and mother and father had them take the memories from me. I understand why, but what I don’t understand is why you never told me. You knew Elsa, and you never told me about it, or about what you could do. The person who put me in the most danger here is you!”

The room continued to cool, the ice on the windows grew thicker and Anna could see from the angry set of her sister’s jaw that she had struck a nerve.

“So yes, I took a chance to leave and spend some time with my husband. Last I checked I’m not a prisoner, and neither is Kristoff so we decided to leave, you know, enjoy life outside of these walls for a little bit given I haven’t been outside them in thirteen years. Maybe if you were that concerned about him I don’t know, potentially wanting to kill me, you wouldn’t have let the council force a wedding.”

“That’s enough!”

Anna saw the flakes in the air. She knew her sister was at her breaking point, but she couldn’t help but keep pushing. Elsa had gone straight for her most vulnerable point as soon as she’d entered her office, and Anna wasn’t going to take it without dishing it back out.

“Is it?”

She stomped across the wooden floor that was quickly accumulating ice and snow from her sister’s inability to hold on, getting into her face. It was probably a bad idea, but she couldn’t help it. She’d rather get it all out now than keep holding it in. She wasn’t going to spend the next thirteen years of her life knocking on her sister’s door begging for her attention, she was going to take it whether Elsa liked it or not.

“Because I don’t think it is. I don’t think this is enough, because I’ve got news for you. You’re talking to me like I’m a child, and I’m not. I know because I spent every day of my childhood watching days and months and years pass alone, wanting nothing more than someone to spend the time with. I might have made a mistake, but right now the score isn’t anywhere near even Elsa, and I’m not going to take this from you. Kristoff isn’t Hans and if you compare them one more time so help me…”

It happened in a flash, the room went from icy cold, snowy, crusted with ice, to bright white, and then, back to normal.

Elsa fell apart, crumbling as she started crying, in front of Anna.

I’m a horrible sister.

No. This was necessary.

It hurts to hurt someone you love.

She shouldn’t have pushed so hard, was her first thought. Then, shortly after, as she lowered herself to the floor and wrapped her arms around her crying sister, the ice Queen of Arendelle that she’d reduced to tears, she realized that it needed to happen. Even if it hurt them both, she needed to let it out. If she hadn’t it would have eaten her alive.

“It’s okay,” she said, letting her sister cry into her shoulder for the second time in as many weeks.

“I’m not angry anymore, I just needed to get it out,” she said, holding her tight as Elsa started to shake in her arms, hyperventilating as she cried.

“I’ve been so mad for so long, and it took getting my memories back to figure out why… Elsa I know that it wasn’t your choice when we were kids, but I’ve been alone almost my whole life and Kristoff…”

“I’m so sorry.”

It was a wet, nervous sound when she spoke, filling the space as Anna searched for the words to describe exactly how she felt about her husband. It surprised Anna to hear her sister apologize, assuming that she’d want her to leave as soon as she found a voice to tell her to get out. It was what she’d come to expect of Elsa, even when she was being contrite, that she never wanted Anna to stay with her for very long.

“I knew you were lonely. I knew you needed me, but I was too afraid of myself to let you in. If I’d just talked to you more… if we’d just left the castle, maybe you would have never…”

“I know,” she said, stopping her before she could bring up the situation with Hans, “Just… I need you to start trusting me. You haven’t even talked to me since the wedding. You’ve never even had a conversation with Kristoff. You can’t just assume the worst of him.”

She was doing the best she could to keep her voice low, soft, and reassuring. Despite the frustration she had and still felt toward the crying woman in her arms, she also loved her sister dearly. She was all the family she had.

Except now you have Kristoff too.

She wished that her sister could have seen the way he’d held her when she was fighting through her headache, or the way that he took her hand and gave her signals and avenues to express her discomfort or fear. She wished that she could see the way he sometimes looked at her like she was something precious. Maybe then she’d have been less worried. Maybe then she’d understand.

“I didn’t want to,” Elsa sniffled, “At least I didn’t mean to think that about him right away. But I didn’t know when you were coming back and there were no guards with you, and then there was a troll in my office. Anna I didn’t know what to think.”

It took her almost a full minute to get the whole thing out, the sniffling and choked up tone of her voice making it difficult for her to speak and be understood.

“Think that I learned my lesson and that I’m safe with my husband. I wouldn’t have left alone with him if I didn’t trust him. It’s not like before, I’m not blind.”

“But he’s a stranger.”

“Not to me. We’ve been together for a short time, but he’s no stranger to me. He’s a…”

He’s a man I’m falling in love with.

“He’s becoming a dear friend. I think you’d like him Elsa. He’s got a good heart.”

***

When Kristoff had finished removing Sven’s tack, he’d brushed the reindeer. The he’d fed him, sat with him for a short time, and mostly waited for Anna to return. After what felt like an hour, he forced himself up from the hay bale he’d seated himself on and left Sven’s quiet company for the castle. He’d hoped that Anna would have returned after speaking to her sister, but he supposed that even though she’d told him they didn’t have any duties as a couple for the week, she might very well be too busy to spend time with him now that they were back at the castle.

He’d done his best to keep his head high despite feeling foolish walking through the halls. He’d pretended that he wasn’t lost and snuck Anna’s map from his pocket surreptitiously, running his fingers over it to find his way back to his room.

On his way he’d even managed to ask a maid if she would be able to have a lunch sent up to his room. It felt like something that he shouldn’t have asked, feeling no more royal or entitled as he had before leaving, but also wanting not to return to the kitchens himself. There had been something about being in the space that had made him feel even more like he hadn’t belonged.

Maybe it was because you were beneath even the potato peeler last week

He was in his room now, changing his shirt into one of the clean ones he’d grabbed from his cabin, along with most of the rest of his belongings that fit into one small bag. He heard the knock, and shouted that it was open, knowing it was probably his lunch, but hoping that it was Anna.

“Sir, my apologies, but I believe I encouraged you to get to know Anna better this week,” Kai said as he entered the room, shutting the door behind him, “Not kidnap her to the mountains leaving nothing but a note behind. The Queen was in hysterics… which I should inform you, you do have dinner with her tonight.”

“Dinner with the Queen?”

“As arranged with your wife I believe. She’ll also be in attendance I believe.”

He cursed under his breath, catching a both amused and disapproving look from Kai as he did so. He thought that the heavyset old butler might get along well with his father. He often made the same face.

“I should inform you that you shouldn’t curse in response when invited to dinner with a Queen, but I suppose you already know that. I’ve been in the service of the young Queen for many years, and I believe she trusts me, so I hope it is not a breach of that trust when I say that last I saw her she was not particularly pleased with you.”

“Of course not,” he said, feeling underdressed in the comfortable shirt.

Feeling underdressed next to the butler probably isn’t a good sign for me.

“Don’t mistake me sir,” he added, “I think that it has everything to do with her worries for her sister. If you assuage those I think that she would be perfectly happy to meet your acquaintance.”

Kristoff huffed. He did feel bad for taking Anna away from the castle. He knew that his Uncle had spoken with the Queen, but if he’d thought a bit more about the way he and Anna had gone away beforehand, he probably would have been able to avoid this whole situation. He didn’t want people to have to worry about Anna when he was with her. Least of all her sister.

Her sister who could have me executed if she wants.

“How would I manage that?”

Kai set a tray he’d been carrying atop a table in the middle of the room. Kristoff couldn’t help but think that the man might be doing more for him than he was strictly tasked with insofar as his level of interest in his getting into the Queen’s good graces. He told himself that it was probably because he wanted to see Anna happy and safe given the many years he spent looking after the sisters.

He was happy to have someone to help him regardless. He didn’t think he would be capable of navigating the rules and manners required to not blunder through the rest of his life in the castle without it.

“Well to start,” he replied, “We’ll need to find you something proper to wear to dinner. You have a tailors appointment tomorrow morning, but we’ll have to make do until we sort that out.”

Kristoff couldn’t help but feel like he should be insulted, or at least a bit peeved over the man’s words, but he couldn’t manage it. All he could think of was holding Anna while she was pretending to be asleep that morning and doing anything to see her smile. Doing anything to make her sister believe that he’d meant no harm in taking her to the mountains so that he’d not be under scrutiny every time he spent time alone with his wife.

***

Anna had taken it upon herself to arrange the whole thing. She felt a little bad about the amount of time that it was taking to set her schedule for the week and speak with the kitchen staff about what she wanted for the dinner she was arranging in hopes that her sister would be comforted by meeting her husband in a more significant way than watching their wedding. At least she hoped that the meeting would allow the two to come to some sort of understanding.

I only have two people. If they could just get along that would be ideal.

With all the running she’d been doing she hadn’t had a chance to return to Kristoff. She’d heard that Kai had brought lunch to his room, and after that she assumed that they were busy. Kai was her sister’s most trusted advisor, even though his official position was castle steward, Elsa trusted him with aiding her in crucial decisions beyond its walls. That Kristoff had his council just went to show that there was hope, and that at least someone else was invested in making things work.

She spent the rest of the afternoon deciding what to wear and receiving and writing thank you letters for wedding gifts that had been pouring in from merchants and allied nations. Most of whom had already been in town for Elsa’s coronation and who had not had the time to select a well thought out gift after the rush of events the small country had experienced.

She’d waited until just shortly before the dinner was to start to walk through the halls and to the dining room, finding neither Kristoff nor her sister on the way.

“My apologies your majesty. I hope you understand I’ve never needed to inform anyone of my travel plans in the past, and it was not my intentions to worry anyone by taking Princess Anna into the mountains with me. In the future should we decide to go anywhere together I’ll ensure that you are informed directly.”

Anna recognized the voice of the man standing in the hall outside the dining room. The man addressing the queen, but so neatly dressed she barely recognized him as her husband. He looked much like he had on their wedding day. Clean shaven with his hair slicked back. The clothes he wore were simple, but they’d been pressed and someone had taken the time to tie a cravat around his neck.

Kai no doubt.

That man has been wearing cravats for years, in style or not.

They hadn’t noticed her coming down the hall, or at least she didn’t think that they had given that neither made any sign of noticing her approach.

“You must understand,” Elsa said back, seeming in much better shape than she had been hours earlier, “With everything that happened with Hans I worry about her. I’m sure you’re a good man, but you can’t fault me for being cautious.”

He gave her a strange look and Anna’s heart started to pound. She hadn’t spoken with him about Hans. Being in the mountains for the whole debacle, she’d suspected he hadn’t known all the details, and for now she wanted it kept that way. Her feet felt frozen below her though, as Kristoff responded in confusion.

“I’m not really sure I know the details,” he said quietly, “I’m sure if I did I would have thought twice about taking her away from the castle alone. No one has told me much of it, even if it was the reason for our wedding.”

Elsa shook her head, looking anxious, but then recovered.

She took a deep breath and Anna wanted to run down the hall, to speak up, to tell her that it was something that she and Kristoff would discuss later, when she was ready.

“Hans…He tried to kill us both.”

***

He noticed her after her sister spoke. She looked white as a ghost at the end of the hall, and he understood why. Her sister hadn’t exactly been vague when it came to telling him why she’d been worried about him taking her into the mountains.

Hans. The foreign prince. He’d tried to kill his wife and her sister.

He’d thought that maybe the real reason for the wedding had just been that Elsa had lost control of her powers and that to build confidence in her ability to rule a royal wedding was planned to comfort the masses. He supposed now that it was just part of it, that the real reason was more complex, and that it all came down to the man that Anna had known before him.

He wasn’t sure of how to react. All he knew was that Anna’s eyes were on him and that she looked upset. Crossing the hall to her was instinct, as was giving her his hand, offering it to her open and outstretched.

She walked forward instead, into his chest, and into his arms as he wrapped them around her. She had every right to be upset, as did her sister he supposed as he felt even greater regret for taking Anna away without warning. So he did what he thought was best, what Anna was showing him was best. He held her close.

Elsa cleared her throat after a moment.

“I think…”

Kristoff turned his head, not releasing Anna to look at her sister. She was staring at them, her cheeks flushed and an almost smile on her lips.

I think she might understand now.

“I think dinner is ready. I’ll just go ahead… Anna… Kristoff, whenever you’re ready. I think we have a lot to discuss.”

When the dining room door closed behind her, leaving them alone in the hall, he turned his full attention back to Anna, holding her tight, leaning his head down low, and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“It’s alright,” he said, because that was all he could think to say. “It’s all going to be alright.”

“Who made you wear a cravat?” she asked, quiet with her face against his chest.

“Kai.”

She made a soft sound, almost like a laugh but not quite.

“I thought maybe. Can I take it off for you? You look uncomfortable.”

He nodded, and she stepped back a bit out of his arms, giving him room to duck down for her.

Her small fingers slid along the collar of his shirt, loosening the knots of the offending cloth and then, unexpectedly, running her fingers through his hair, mussing it a bit before pulling the cravat away and allowing him to stand back up again at his full height.

“There,” she whispered, taking his hand with the cloth between their palms, “You look like you again.”

The color had returned to her face and he smiled at her. She liked him as he was, and that was a comfort.

Now to convince her sister.

#kristannaadvent2020 #A Convenient Arrangement #kristanna #Arranged Marriage AU #Frozen Fanfiction

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kumeko · 4 years ago

Photo

A/N: For the Kidge zine (2) that got cancelled sadly! Look at me, practicing AUs!

…

Keith always had a plan. It might not be entirely idiot-proof (working with Lance had proven that), but it was always solid and well-thought-out. Today was no exception—he’d break into the Lion Castle, steal the comet fragments hidden inside the tallest spire, and escape without leaving a trace.

Well, realistically, he’d have to fight off a guard or two at least. Nothing ever went entirely according to plan and if he was honest, Lance wasn’t the only hothead in his guild.

Still, things were going smoothly so far. He slipped into the castle in the dead of night, between rounds of patrols. Weaving his way through the shadows, he found a narrow staircase leading up the spire and, even better, ledges outside the tower that made it easy for him to scale all the way to the top floor. Inside the room, there was a single box on a single table, almost as though the Alteans were daring him to steal it.

As his hand rested on the box, he paused. This was too easy, even for a mission without Lance. Keith glanced in the direction of the door but it was impossible to see through it and at the soldier standing guard outside. The lone torch in the room flickered and Keith shrugged off his suspicions. There was nowhere for anyone to hide in here. Maybe the Alteans hadn’t realized just how valuable this comet fragment was.

Quickly, he pulled out a small black bag as he opened the box. Once he’d secured the comet—

The box was empty.

Keith always had a plan but it never accounted for someone stealing the comet before him. Dumbfounded, he stared at the black velvet lining the box, blinking as he processed what he saw. “The fu—”

As though to punctuate his swear, a building exploded just outside the window.

-x-

“Woah!” Pidge screamed, falling backwards from the shockwave of the explosion. She covered her ears, but it was too late; all she could hear was ringing. Dimly, she was aware the Hunk was yelling something, but he was always yelling and she could make a good guess about what it was. Knowing him, he was pointing at the ceiling. Or rather, where the ceiling used to be. Lying on her dorm floor, she stared up at the night sky.

Well. That was a first. Her experiments sometimes got out of hand, but this was the first time she’d destroyed part of a building. Her floormates were going to kill her. It had been bad enough that she had burned her hair the last time her spell got out of hand and set off the fire alarm. At least they’d started talking to her in class again after a week. This? She was going to get shunned permanently.

“Oh god, you’re going to get expelled,” Hunk moaned, his voice slowly rising with each word. “I’m going to get expelled. I told you we shouldn’t have done this but nooo, you just had to do it. You just had to figure out what that stupid rock was for before anyone else could.”

“I didn’t think it’d be that powerful,” Pidge grunted, sitting up. She almost wished her hearing hadn’t come back. Rubbing an ear, she gestured at the sparkling rock that lay on the floor in front of her. “I thought it’d just amplify our powers a little.”

“If it wasn’t powerful, it wouldn’t have been locked up,” Hunk hissed in response. He paced back and forth on the floor, cradling his head in his hands. “You don’t think they’ll make us pay for all of this? I can’t afford this.”

A high-pitched siren sounded, cutting off the rest of his rant and Pidge jumped to her feet. “Oh shit.”

“The intruder alarms? But those—” Hunk turned to her, horror dawning on his face. “What’d you do?”

“They must have found the people I knocked out.” Pidge darted to the door, poking her head out. “No one’s outside.”

“You knocked out people?” Incredulous, Hunk stared at her like she’d grown a second head. “Who are you?”

“Hey, it was heavily guarded!” Pidge scowled. Closing the door behind her, she stepped into the center of the room and stared up at the ceiling. “We must have a spell that could fix that.”

“What’re you going to do, grow your vines?” Hunk scoffed, crossing his arms. “We can’t hide this. There’s an alarm sounding because everyone knows what we did.”

“I just want to make it look a little less bad.” Pidge bit her lip, squinting up at the broken rafters. They had to have learned a spell in class about construction. Maybe if she checked her notes, she could find it. “Just something so we don’t actually get expelled.”

“It’s way too late for that,” Hunk sighed, burying his face in his hands.

Pidge rolled her eyes. If she wanted to get anything done, she had to get rid of him. “Yeah, yeah, you just go keep watch, I’ll figure something out.” She pushed him insistently toward the door.

“Watch?” Hunk looked over his shoulder at her but didn’t fight the movement.

“Yeah, so no one catches me. Just give me a heads up if anyone comes to check.” Pulling open the door, she pushed Hunk outside quickly. “I’ll go make it less noticeable.”

“This is a stupid idea,” Hunk grumbled, but he started walking toward the staircase anyways. “So very stupid—”

Not waiting to hear the rest of his rant, Pidge quickly closed the door shut. Okay, she just had to find the right spell and hide the comet and then they could figure out the rest tomorrow. A good night’s sleep could cure anything, even certain expulsion.

“So this is where it was?”

Pidge froze at the stranger’s voice. Was it a guard? Already? She turned around, silently cursing herself. So much for Hunk’s alarm. “I can explain.”

“No need.” In the middle of the room stood a strange man, dressed entirely in form-fitting black. There were small pouches on his pants, daggers nestled in them, and the only thing visible was his face. His really pretty face. The moonlight shone down on him through the hole in the ceiling, revealing his mop of black hair, annoyed expression, and dark eyes. As she gawked, he crouched and grabbed the stone. “I can guess what happened but I don’t really care.”

Well, that didn’t sound like any of the guards she knew. Not that he looked like one of them either. There wasn’t a patch to indicate his position in the academy either. Besides, she would remember a face like that. “You’re not a guard.”

The stranger snorted, sending her an “obviously” response. Opening a black pouch, he slipped the stone inside and Pidge realized two things at one: 1) he was the reason for the alarms and 2) he was stealing the stone.

The stone that she’d worked very hard to steal. The stone, which when gone, would definitely guarantee her and Hunk’s expulsion. As he turned away, she ran across the room and pounced, trying to rip the bag out of his hand. He smoothly stepped to the side, avoiding her, and she crashed to the floor. “Hey!” she growled. “Give that back!”

“Why should I?” he retorted childishly.

“Why?” she snarled, holding out a hand. Pidge had never really been one for rash decisions but this was a desperate time and desperate times called for desperate measures. Magic pulsated out of her as she shouted, “Recipero!”

The stone ripped out of the bag and hurtled to her waiting hand. As it came closer and closer, Pidge realized with horror, the stone wasn’t slowing down. She tensed, trying to move out of the way, but her body was frozen.

The stone hit her hand and she blacked out.

-x-

Keith gingerly kicked the unconscious woman at his feet. Maybe he should have expected the spells—the castle did have a famous magic school attached to it. There were bound to be at least some skilled mages here. “Hey,” he called out, but the girl didn’t so much as stir. He wasn’t too surprised; the stone hit her hand pretty hard. She must have passed out from all the pain.

Quickly, he crouched next to her and grabbed her hand. Her fingers were loosely wrapped around the stone, as though to protect it from him, and he had to admire that tenacity. Gently, he pried open her fingers, revealing the sparkling comet shard beneath.

A comet shard that didn’t look so much on her skin as embedded. He grabbed it, trying to pull it free, but the rock refused to budge. What the hell kind of spell did she do? Whatever admiration he had was instantly replaced with irritation; it wasn’t like his plans today had enough issues as it was, without dealing with this. Maybe he could pry it free with his knife—no, it could kill her and while he was a thief, Keith wasn’t a murderer. At least, not for unsuspecting students who did not sign up for guard duty.

“Pidge! They’re coming!” a man shouted in the hallway.

Alert, Keith picked up the sound of dozens of boots stomping up the stairs. The guards must have caught onto him. Or maybe onto her—that explosion was pretty big. Either way, he didn’t have time to figure this out. One last futile tug on the rock and Keith sighed heavily. The hard way it was, then.

Without hesitation, he slung the woman over his shoulders like a potato sack. He’d have to figure out what to do with her after he’d escaped.

-x-

“Huhhh?” Pidge blinked as she stared at a black fabric, her face pressed against it and some hard substance behind it. She was moving somewhere, she could feel it with every bump. Where? Why? She was in her room, last she remembered. Experimenting with the shard—

Pidge gasped, remembering what had happened. Turning her head, she realized she was outdoors, it was midday, and that black fabric was the back of someone’s shirt. The thief’s shirt, she was certain. “You’re a kidnapper too?” she shouted, struggling to get off him. She tried to kick her feet but his grip was too strong. Resorting to her fists, she hit his back as hard as she could. “Let me go!”

“Hey! Cut it out!” The thief grunted when she got a particularly hard jab in and dropped her to the ground.

Pidge groaned as she rolled on the gravel pathway. She should have thought that out more. Rolling onto her back, she rubbed her head. Something hard pressed against her skin and she raised her hand to look at it. The comet shard stared back. “Wait, what?” She had to be seeing things, right? Why did she still have it and why did her hand hurt so much?

“Hey? You okay?” The thief crouched next to her, worriedly examining her head, and damn, now that he was close, he looked even prettier.

Prettier but evil, definitely evil, she thought, and she swatted his hand away. “I’m fine.” She pulled herself up to a sitting position slowly. Her hand hurt a lot and she looked at it once more. “Is it just me or is there a rock in my skin?”

“Yeah…” The thief stared at her. “What did you do?”

“I…” Pidge furrowed her brows, remembering the last spell she’d called. Recipero. A simple spell, really, except she’d accidentally mispronounced it in the heat of the moment. It was more of a Ree-see-prohh instead of Ree-sip-roh. And sounds could change entire spells into something different. “I think I miscast a spell.”

“Great.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Can you undo it?”

“…uh…I’m not sure.” Pidge winced. She should never have stolen the stupid rock in the first place.

“Even better.” The thief bit his cheek, looking back in the direction they’d come from. Following his gaze, Pidge realized she didn’t even recognize the part of the path they were on. Just how far had he managed to travel?

“Uh, where are we?” she asked, studying the trees around her. They weren’t native to the castle grounds.

“Near Galra,” the thief answered absentmindedly, still pondering his next move.

Galra. As in Altea’s enemy and neighbouring country. As in a place she definitely could get killed because they were hostile to outsiders. Pidge’s legs felt wobbly.

Standing up, the thief said, “Okay, I know someone who might be able to help.”

“Right. Help.” Pidge was the top of her class, great with theory, getting better with practical applications. She was many things, but this was not a situation she was equipped for.

“Here.” The thief held out a hand. “You can walk, right?”

She stared at his hand blankly for a moment before grabbing it. “Yeah.”

“Great. We have a long walk ahead of us.” He pulled her to her feet. “Don’t make me tie you up.”

Well, even if she could run (she had terrible stamina), there was nowhere to go. Yet. But wherever they were going potentially had cities along the way and near Galra wasn’t in Galra. Not yet. Pidge could escape, if she bided her time.

She smiled nervously. “Gotcha.”

All she had to do was be patient.

#keith #pidge #katie holt #kidge #voltron #hunk #fanfic

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justheretobreakthings · 4 years ago

Text

Hold On Loosely

So, this was originally in the process of being written for a zine, but I wound up dropping out due to aphobia in the project. Which, well, sucked, and was one of the contributing factors of my less-than-great mood these past few days.

But, I wound up finishing the fic as its own thing, so I hope y’all enjoy. Have some pre-canon broganes fluff to lift the spirits.

Word Count: 2,545 Characters: Keith & Shiro Read on AO3 My house, my rules, my ko-fi

“Ooh, you know what looks good?” Shiro said, looking up from the table’s menu to grin over at Keith. “The chocolate lava cake. What do you say, you wanna split it with me?”

Keith shrugged, tilting his head to glance at the menu as well. He swallowed his bite of steak before slowly replying, “I dunno, it’s - it’s kind of expensive.”

“I told you, Keith, tonight’s my treat. Come on, if you don’t split it with me, I’ll just order it and eat the whole thing myself, and I will definitely get sick. So…”

“All right, fine, I’ll have the cake.”

“Great!” Shiro’s grin broadened as he waved their waitress down to place the order. “Every celebration needs cake,” he added to Keith as the waitress left. “Anyone who tries to limit it to birthdays is just close-minded.”

“I still don’t really think we, um, need to be celebrating,” Keith said.

Shiro huffed in mock exasperation. “Bud, your grades were great, you’re being too hard on yourself.”

“I didn’t even get all A’s or anything. And I had a C in Professor Antonsen’s class - ”

“Keith, I assure you, her class is the hardest in the whole academy. Matt didn’t even get an A in it. Chin up.” Shiro reached across the table with his fork, the last bite of his salmon still on the tips of the prongs, and tilted Keith’s head up to look at him. “Hey. I’m really proud of you. I mean it. You did great work, and you deserve to celebrate.”

Keith stared at him for a moment, as though mulling his words over, then a tiny smile escaped him as he tilted his head down and ate the bite of salmon off of Shiro’s fork, too quickly for the latter to move it out of the way.

“Barbaric,” Shiro gasped. “Have you no manners at all?”

Keith just smirked, making a show of chewing loudly before he swallowed and said, “Still, we didn’t have to go somewhere all fancy like this. I would have been fine with just burgers or pizza or something.”

“Well, sure, but I was really in the mood tonight for a place with tablecloths, you know? It’s a big night.”

“They’re just grades.”

Shiro shrugged and set his fork down. “All right, time for me to confess. The reason I decided to go fancy is that we’re actually celebrating two things tonight.” Keith raised a brow, and Shiro went on. “I actually got some pretty big news today. And since Adam’s busy until tomorrow and my parents are in another time zone, you, my dear friend, get to be the first to celebrate it with me.”

“What is it?” Keith asked.

“Now, I will tell you, they’re not officially announcing this until Monday, so don’t go spreading the word to your classmates before then and ruining the surprise.”

“What surprise?”

“So if anyone asks, you don’t know anything about it, okay? You’re gonna be just as excited by the announcement as - ”

“Shiro,” Keith groaned. “Now you’re just doing this on purpose.”

“You caught me.” Shiro smiled. “So. Guess who has been officially selected as the youngest pilot ever to lead a Garrison exploration mission.”

Keith’s eyes slowly widened. “You - you got the Kerberos spot?”

“I got the Kerberos spot.”

“That’s awesome!” Keith breathed. “Holy - you’re going straight to the edge of the solar system! Oh my god, you’re gonna be in textbooks, Shiro! You’re gonna be, like, a legit historical figure. That’s huge.”

“We always knew Earth’s atmosphere couldn’t contain me forever,” Shiro said with a smirk. “So, you’ve managed to get settled into the Garrison pretty well by now? Fitting in with your class? I know you’re doing well grade-wise so…”

“I guess, yeah,” Keith said with a shrug. “Why?”

“Nothing,” Shiro said, waving his fork dismissively. “I’m going to be pretty busy for a while, is all, and then I’ll be gone for the mission after. Just wanna make sure you’re ready for that.”

“Oh.” Keith's smile flickered, the corners of his mouth drooping for half a second before returning to their place. “Yeah. Yeah, ‘course I’m ready. I mean, I - I knew you were gunning for that spot on the mission, so it’s - so, yeah, you know, I knew this was coming. I mean obviously it was coming, you’re the best pilot in - you’re, um, you’re definitely - ”

“Keith?” Shiro raised his brow. “You all right?”

“Yeah. I hadn’t really thought about, uh, what I would be, um - ” He drummed his fingers against the table, then moved to lift his knife and fork and start carving up what remained of his steak. “But that’s - that’s not important. It isn’t. We’re celebrating. And - and - and you got the Kerberos spot, and I got my grades, and that’s good, this is good news, it is, I’m happy! I’m happy for you. I’m very - ”

Gently Shiro reached across the table and laid his hand on Keith’s arm. “You’re starting to carve up your plate, there, bud.”

Keith blinked down at his knife, then, with a slow breath, he dropped the cutlery and pulled back. “Sorry. Sorry, I wasn’t… paying attention. Shit, hang on.” He ground the heels of his hands into his eyes and mumbled, “I’m okay. I’m fine. Got a little… overwhelmed… by the good news. Just need a minute to, uh, to process.”

“Everything all right here?” came a soft voice behind Shiro’s shoulder, and he jumped in his seat, banging his knee on the table and whipping his head around to see their waitress, their cake in her hands and her face apologetic. “Sorry,” she said. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Shiro said. “You’re fine. Thanks, it looks delicious.”

“Can I, uh, get you anything else?” the waitress asked, glancing toward Keith who was hastily trying to scrub at his eyes as she set the cake down on the table. “A drink refill or… some tissues, maybe?”

“We’re fine, thank you,” Shiro replied. “Uh, take your time with the check, please.”

The waitress nodded and hurried from the table. Keith, meanwhile, pushed his chair back, his head down and hair falling into his face as he mumbled, “I think I need the restroom…”

“Hey, hang on,” Shiro said, holding out his arm again as Keith stood. “Keith… you know, it’s okay if you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset,” Keith snapped.

“Uh-huh. I’ve told you before, bud. If you’re upset - or any other emotion - ” He added when Keith opened his mouth to protest - “You can tell me. I’m not gonna judge you for it, you’re not gonna be punished. It’s not good to bottle things up. Come on, talk to me.”

“It’s… nothing,” Keith said. He sighed and collapsed back into his chair. “It’s stupid. Sorry, I’m ruining tonight, aren’t I?”

“You’re not ruining anything.”

“Yes I am. You took me out to celebrate and I’m freaking out on you and raining on your parade and - and I should be happy about this. I am happy about this, I’m happy for you, so there’s - there’s nothing even to talk about.”

“Mmm.” Shiro tapped a finger thoughtfully against the edge of the cake plate. “You know, you’re allowed to feel more than one thing. You can be happy for me and still be upset. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Sure, but - ”

“Want me to start?”

Keith frowned. “Start what?”

“Sharing.” Keith still looked just as baffled, so Shiro continued. “I’m thrilled about the news, and I’m excited about the upcoming Kerberos trip, and I’m really proud of myself for having made it this far, especially so early in my career.”

“You should be,” Keith said with a fervent nod.

“But I’m kinda freaking out too. It’s a lot of pressure and responsibility, and I’m scared of messing up. There’s a ton of prep work that has to be done before the mission, which is going to be stressful and exhausting. And the mission is going to last for months, so I don’t know how claustrophobic or homesick or lonely I’ll get. I know I’m going to miss you. You, and Adam, and everyone else on Earth.

“I’m happy, yeah, but I’m all those things too. It’s a lot. But, I gotta admit, putting it all out there, out loud, it’s a bit of a relief. It’s on the table instead of on my shoulders, so now I don’t have to think so hard about what I’m dealing with, I can move on to actually dealing with it. And now it’s your turn”

Keith paused before saying, “I feel like you missed your true calling as a psychologist.”

“I’m young, I’ve got time to chase a bunch of callings. No changing the subject.”

Shiro waited patiently as Keith fidgeted in his chair, chewing at his bottom lip and focusing intensely on the dishes in front of him. Finally, though, he spoke up, so softly that Shiro had to strain to hear him: “I guess I’m… not ready… for you to go.”

Slowly Shiro nodded. “That’s understandable, Keith. I - ”

“It’s not, though,” Keith bit out. “It’s not like I haven’t been on my own before, right? And, hell, I’m a couple years off from being an adult, I shouldn’t - I shouldn’t still be - and it’s selfish, right? This is, like, your dream, Shiro, and all I’m thinking about is how I’m gonna - how I’m - ”

“Hey, hey,” Shiro said, keeping his voice low and soothing as he watched Keith bunch up the edge of the tablecloth in his fists. “It’s not selfish. Okay? I don’t want you thinking that for a moment. It’s you feeling your feelings, and there’s nothing selfish about that. If you were selfish, you wouldn’t be nearly so concerned about how your reaction is making me feel, right?”

Keith only shrugged. “And Keith, what’s this about being on your own?” Shiro continued. “Me being gone doesn’t mean you have to be alone.”

“It - it kinda does,” Keith mumbled. “I, um, I - I may have exaggerated, a bit, um, how I’m fitting in with my classmates.”

Shiro narrowed his eyes. “Are those other pilots still giving you a hard time? If they are, we need to go to your CO, file a report.”

Keith shook his head. “No, they aren’t - there haven’t been any other incidents or anything, just - I’m still not really - I’m not part of the group or anything. We have classes together, but that’s all. And you know I can’t get an ‘Adam’ of my own, I’ve - I told you about that, about how I don’t - so I don’t have friends, I don’t, not really. And I definitely don’t have a ‘partner’ or whatever, so that just leaves family, and - well, that’s you. Just you. That’s all I’ve got. And so if you’re gone…”

He let out a sniff and wiped his nose with the tablecloth. There was only so much the Garrison could do to instill table manners into their cadets. “Forget it. Like I said, it’s nothing.”

“That’s not nothing, Keith,” Shiro said. “That’s… that’s fair. That’s fair and valid and I’m glad that you told me.”

“Kinda ruined the whole ‘celebration’ vibe, though.”

“We’ll have plenty of time to celebrate before the mission. I, um - did - were you always worrying about this? The whole time I’ve been applying for the Kerberos spot?”

“I dunno. I wasn’t really thinking about it. Was trying not to, you know? It, um, wasn’t important.”

“When am I ever going to finally convince you that your worries are important?”

“More important than Kerberos?”

“Equally.”

Keith snorted. “Shiro - ”

“You know, in the coming months I’m gonna be spending a lot of time preparing for the mission. Maybe we should come up with a game plan so you can do the same.”

“Shiro, you barely managed to convince the Garrison to let me into the academy, you’re never gonna convince them to let me join the mission.”

“Much as I’d love to have you, that’s not what I meant,” Shiro said with a little smile. “I meant that while I’m getting ready to go to Kerberos, we can get you ready to stay on Earth. We’ll go through the things you’re worried about, the things that you need to prepare for, and we’ll start planning for them.”

“How do you mean?”

“Like, okay, you’re worried about being lonely while I’m away. So let’s plan for that. We can talk to Adam, and Colleen, make sure you’re able to turn to one of them if you need anything at all. And we can even schedule some weekends out, get you some vacation from the Garrison to wind down. If you’re worried about keeping up with schoolwork while I’m around, we can contact your instructors to let them know, maybe see about any extra credit work you can do while I’m gone.”

Keith nodded slowly. “Okay. And, um, if I’m worried about… you know…” The tips of his ears went red as he mumbled, “Missing you?”

Shiro resisted the urge to tease him about the blush of embarrassment and instead broadened his smile. “I’m gonna miss you too, you know. What kind of brother would I be if I didn’t?” Keith bit his lip, and Shiro would bet any amount of money that it was to hold back a smile. “We’ll figure something out. We’ll make sure to get a ton of pictures together before I go, for starters, and I can let you babysit my hoverbike while I’m gone.”

Keith’s mouth dropped open. “You’ll let me be in charge of your hoverbike?”

“Promise not to crash it?”

“I… can’t make that promise.”

“Promise you’ll try not to crash it?”

“That I can do.”

“I’ll take it. So we’ve got a plan in place, and we have plenty of time to come up with more. And if it helps, I swear, I’ll come back from Kerberos as soon as I possibly can. Sound good?”

“Yeah.” Keith nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Do you need a hug too?”

“No,” Keith said, spreading his arms out to accept one anyway. Shiro scooted his chair around the table to embrace him, rubbing Keith’s back as the latter sighed into his shoulder, and he didn’t let go of the hug until he felt Keith finally pull away.

“Now,” Shiro said, scooting back into place. “This cake has just been waiting to be eaten, and we should really help out.” He nodded toward Keith’s dessert fork . “Come on, I’ve seen the memes, I know you love cake.”

Keith let out a breath of a laugh as he lifted his fork and started to cut off a piece from the cake. “If you’d seen all the memes, you’d know I also love pizza.”

“Well, in a few years, when we’re celebrating you getting your first big mission and breaking the youngest-pilot record, we can go out for pizza instead. Deal?”

“Deal.” They both took their first bites of the cake at the same time, and Keith rolled his eyes as Shiro made a show of moaning in contentment at the taste. “By the way,” Keith said as he moved in for his second bite, “I really am happy for you. Cadet’s honor, I am.”

“Thanks, Keith,” Shiro said with a grin. “I’m happy too.”

#vldgen #vld fic #keith #shiro #broganes #my writing #fic: hold on loosely

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