#everyone knows someone who's been affected by this. the whole state is in mourning

[hades-least-favourite]

for anyone wondering, he was found dead near lisbon falls this evening. self-inflicted gunshot wound.

while i'm glad that mainers can go outside and feel safe again, i also know that the families and friends of victims will not find closure and are left feeling empty and lost. death was a far too lenient punishment for such a fucking monster. i may not believe in the afterlife but i hope he's suffering now, suffering forever.

i urge people to shift the talk from robert card to the victims, their lives and honoring them. remembering them. because they shouldn't be forgotten. please.

I want everyone to be very careful with the words they use to describe my state and the situation that is occurring at the moment.

Maine is a rural state, and people are used to driving long distances to see people and even just to go to work. Cities that are about an hour from Lewiston are cancelling events and classes because an hour drive isn’t that long for a Mainer.

This also isn’t a teenager with little to no gun experience getting his hands on a weapon of war. Robert Card is trained former military, highly dangerous, and knows how to aim a gun, shoot properly, reload quickly, change weapons, and unjam a weapon.

There is a large immigrant and refugee population in Lewiston. You will see people mentioning that this could be the fault of “gangs.” It is not. Robert Card is a racist, transphobic, white man who shot at children and families during a bowling league competition. Lewiston’s immigrant and refugee population had absolutely nothing to do with this attack.

Follow news sources, not social media.

And for the love of god, it’s LEWIS-TIN. NOT LEWISTOWN.

[paulyenvol6]

Byka Atroksia (Chapter 16)

Contains: smut, oral (m receiving), manipulation, power imbalance, Daemon being an asshole, dirty talk, dom-sub dynamic, possessiveness, praising

Wordcount: ~3.94k

Masterlist of this story

The next few days you couldn't help but miss Daemon.

He was around you, that wasn't the problem but he was simply… your uncle again and nothing more. It wasn't even awkward or uncomfortable between you, you were laughing, talking, but he didn't take you up to his room again, didn't push you into the small council chambers to engage in inappropriate behaviour again, he was just Daemon again.

You desired him. Desired his hands on your body and the worst thing was probably that you didn't know where the two of you were standing. He had rejected you, yes, but then he had fucked you in the gardens of the red keep and now…? You just didn't know what the current state was. Was the most recent intercourse only a relapse and he still actually didn't want you? Or did he want you but just didn't have the time or energy to be with you? You didn't know and it drove you crazy.

But three days after Daemon had beheaded the Prince of Dorne in the throne room a new issue shocked the red keep. Niclas Tully, hand of the king was found dead in his chambers. A young handmaiden had found him on the floor with his eyes widened and her scream had awakened the whole castle at the crack of dawn. Guards had entered the room and escorted the disturbed girl while others alarmed the grand maester. Niclas Tully was brought into the maesters chambers and grand maester Daaran examined his body. It was still warm, he hadn't been dead for a long time and after only few hours rumours circulated around the keep. Some said he was poisoned, some that he chocked on his wine. But when Viserys visited the dead body of his long and dear friend, Daaran looked at the corpse with pity.

"I believe it was a Stroke, your grace. There is no sign of any external harm he might have experienced."

"But the word that is flying around the castle…", Viserys had hinted at but his grand maester had shook his head.

"I don't believe it was poison, your grace. I can't be sure but I couldn't find anything that would suggest it."

So Niclas Tully was buried in the tradition of his house and you sensed how hard it hit your father. He had been his friend and advisor since he had been a little boy. He was the second son of Lord Jeffary Tully and grew up as a ward of Lord Weyn Lannister, the previous hand of the king to Jaehaerys Targaryen, Viserys' grandsire. Niclas was a couple of years older than him and had treated him like a younger brother to guide and help him, as Viserys and Daemon had lost both their parents early. Even so far that Viserys had made him his hand when he ascended the iron throne and ever since that day nothing had changed about his trust in his friend.

Four days the King stayed in his rooms to mourn for Niclas Tully while Rhaenyra and you tried your very best to be there for your father and on the fifth day a council meeting was held.

All of the lords of the small council gathered around the King and as Commander of the City Watch Daemon attended as well.

"My lords. Sit." They took their seats around the table and Viserys cleared his throat.

"This great tragedy has left us all shaken and in disbelief… and yet the crown must look to the future." The lords glared down at their hands and everyone looked affected.

"I have to choose a new loyal hand to advice and stand at my side faithfully and by all hopes someone who will prove himself as wise as the late Lord Niclas Tully. The gods bless him."

Some lords exchanged looks and Daemon raised his chin slightly. He leaned back in his chair and watched Viserys thoughtful. Of course it had crossed his mind. He would be a saint, a godly person with no sinful thought inside his head not to have thought about the new hand when it had been announced that Niclas Tully had passed. And as Daemon was far away from being a saint, he had wondered if perhaps his brother would make him his hand at last. His words in the gardens a moon ago at least might have hinted at it.

"It is a honourable position and I call myself lucky to have a trustworthy council of wise and loyal men." It was so silent in the room that one could have heard a pin drop.

"I have decided to name the Lord Ellion of House Banefort as my hand. You have proven yourself loyal and I know that I can trust your judgement. You have adviced me during the wars by the Saltcliffe and even while being pressured from the outside you have stayed by my side and did what you believed to be best for the crown."

Lord Ellion rose from his chair and bowed his head.

"Your Grace. This is an honour. I thank you and swear to protect and advice you to my best knowledge and understanding."

"I know that you will, Ellion.", Viserys smiled.

Meanwhile Daemon clenched his fists and looked at the table. A smile, that had nothing warm or gentle in it played around his lips and his eyes spit fire. And yet the King's brother didn't say anything. He waited. Waited to hear all the congratulations from the other lords, inwardly laughed about them and how they acted as if they were happy for Ellion even though they had wished to be in this very position a few minutes ago. Daemon himself didn't say a word of congratulations but the king didn't notice it.

Then the meeting was over and his brother excused himself so the lords of the council one by one left the room until Daemon was the only person left. Daemon, the King's brother. The person that was supposed to be hand. In his mind at least. When Viserys had been crowned Protector of the realm Daemon obviously hadn't expected his brother to name him his hand. Back then Viserys hadn't trusted him.

Fear was probably a more fitting word. He had thought of his little brother as fire that destroyed everything that he touched and rather wanted him far away from King's Landing. And yet he had loved him, even Daemon couldn't disagree to that. He had loved and feared him at the same time so when Niclas Tully was named his hand Daemon hadn't been surprised.

But now, he was furious. Did Viserys even stand behind what he had said to him in the gardens? He had told him that he trusted his brother now, that he was happy about their relationship and now he had just had the perfect opportunity to show him that he actually meant it by making him hand. But no, instead he gave this position to Ellion, a fool of a warrior.

Daemon breathed heavily, shaken by rage, and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He felt a little pathetic to still sit here in the small council chamber but didn't feel like leaving the room. Deep inside, Daemon felt hurt but he would never admit it to himself. Once again Viserys abondened him, avoided and distrusted him. Why couldn't he really face him for once in his life? Daemon had nothing but supported and helped him the last months, what else did he want him to do until he would see that he was loyal to the crown? Daemon felt manipulated, weak, angry and humiliated. And Daemon was a person who was driven by his emotions and temper.

So he would get back at his brother for it. He had sworn to himself not to touch you again and yes, he had already broken that oath in the gardens of the red keep. But only minutes afterwards he had told himself again to let this be the last time and not discredit his brother one more time.

Now he didn't care anymore. He felt powerless after feeling rejected by Viserys and now he wanted to regain power. And who was more suitable for that than you? He wanted to have control over something and feel powerful. And he wanted to hurt Viserys so badly. He wanted him to suffer and make him feel like he was losing something as well. Like something was taken from him just like Viserys denied him power and a place at his side over and over again.

And he knew exactly how to satisfy his raging and restless mind. Not even by telling his brother about his doings with you, no, it was tempting to do it, just to see his face when he told Viserys, but he knew how you would react to it and even in his raging temper there was something left inside of him that was aware of your needs and well-being.

But still, the thought of bedding you while being aware who or better whose daughter it was he was sullying gave Daemon a strange satisfaction. Though Viserys wouldn't even know about it Daemon's breath calmed down when he thought about what power he had over his brother by being with you, Viserys' daughter. How he dishonoured him, weakened him.

Of course it would be a lie if he claimed that he had only bedded you for the first time to provoke Viserys or to feel powerful. Back then he definitely had wanted to discredit his brother as well (because even though their relationship had already been improved back then Daemon still had felt a deeply rooted anger and hurt which couldn't be so easily removed only because Viserys had listened to his advice for once. Only recently when Viserys had spoken to him in the gardens Daemon had actually wanted to treat his brother with honour and respect as well which was why he had sworn to himself not to touch you again) but he also hadn't been lying when he had said that he desired you.

Because it was true that after the stepstones he had felt the craving to feel a woman't touch and what man wouldn't have wanted to spend the night with someone like you? He had felt eager to claim you and also to toy with you, his innocent sweet niece. Daemon had always liked you and felt the need to care for you and had felt especially drawn to you when you started to become a woman at the age of 15. Way more than he had felt attracted to Rhaenyra.

And Daemon was the kind of person that acted out of temper and desire.

He hadn't cared about anything but his lust and satisfaction and only after or better during the act had realized how good it felt to feel power over his brother like that. That was when he had realized that he felt so pleased knowing that he was sullying his brother's daughter and being aware of what an incredibly dishonour it was to Viserys. Stealing something from his brother that was so dear to him after having felt humiliated and neglected all those years. Old feelings and long forgotten moments of experiencing indignity had come to the surface again and the following anger at his brother had been changed to satisfaction when thinking about what he had done by deflowering you.

And yet in the moment he had mainly acted out of want and greed for your maiden body rather than having a great and complex laid out plan. Because that simply wasn't Daemon's nature.

Daemon inhaled deeply and his fury was now overshadowed with complacency and excitement. He had the power to get back at Viserys. He knew that he had you entirely under his control and you were yearning for his attention. You were craving him and perhaps Daemon would continue to use your devotion to him not only to lay with someone he felt attracted to, satisfied his needs and obeyed him but also to feel like he was hurting and disgracing his brother, who he dispised so much right now.

Daemon's head was still heated when he returned to his chambers and he quickly opened the window to get some fresh air. Once he had done this, he sat down on a chair and exhaled loudly. It only crossed his upset mind now that perhaps you were not so keen to lay with Daemon at the moment. You had been harmed, kissed and touched against your will and obviously your uncle knew that something like that left scars. So he didn't know whether you wanted him or not, didn't know if you felt comfortable laying with a man at this moment. He didn't know that you were in your bed chambers right now, dreaming of his touch.

~~~~~~~~~~

After three days you couldn't live with this uncertainty and with your desire anymore and so you made a plan. You knew that there would be a small council meeting in the afternoon and you knew that Daemon would attend it.

So while he was away, you swiftly sneaked into his room while there were no guards in sight and sat on his bed. After a while you were terribly bored but you told yourself that it would be worth it and in a matter of minutes you'd have clarity. You waited and waited, looked around in your uncle's room, looked at the books next to his bed and then finally the door opened.

Daemon frowned when he saw you and quickly closed the door.

"Niece.", he said and walked towards you. He rested his hands on his hips and lifted his eyebrows. "What is this about?"

You smiled with glistening eyes and sitting on the bed looked up to him. Then, without answering him you dropped to your knees without breaking the eye contact.

"Vhaela.", he whispered and you could see his face tense.

"Please.", you just whispered and rested your hands on his thighs. "Please. Let me.", you begged him and if the situation had been any different you would've felt pathetic. Begging a man to bury his cock in your mouth…

Daemon took hold of your chin and made you look up to him.

"I thought after what happened you might not be so eager to...", he began but you shook your head.

"I want you, Daemon. I really do."

You saw his breath going faster and he smirked.

"Oh my sweet niece. Dropping on your knees in front of me. You should've known what it would do to me.", he said and you smiled widely.

Daemon's eyes were flashing and then he hastily opened his trousers to free his cock. He exhaled loudly while looking at you and palmed his cock. You wanted to wrap your hand around him but he denied you and pushed your hand away.

"Open.", he simply breathed and you did as he had told you. Daemon rubbed the tip of his cock over your lips and then slowly pushed into your mouth. Feeling you around him made him throw his head back and he quickly grabbed the back of your head.

"Oh fuck.", he moaned and took a fistful of your hair to control your movements. You tried your best to relax your throat and felt him going deeper with every thrust. His hand made you move in rythm with his hips and soon enough your nose was close to his pubic hair.

But this time you felt it was easier not to choke and not to let his cock trigger your gagging reflex. You stayed calm and enjoyed his heavy cock in your mouth. And the noises Daemon made… You loved hearing him like that and you knew you would always get on your knees for him to listen to this.

"Sweet owl.", he moaned and watched your pretty face while his cock entered your mouth over and over again. "Look at me. Come on."

You obeyed him and the two of you made eye contact.

"Yes.", Daemon moaned. "Sweet little girl, looking so fucking good on your knees for me."

You supported yourself by holding on to his thighs and gave him full control. You gave yourself entirely to him, let yourself fall because you trusted him. Let him thrust in your mouth the way he wanted to, let him move your head the way he wanted to. Yes, even though you knew that every person in your life, probably even Daemon himself would tell you not to, you trusted him. You wanted to submit to him, please him, obey him, give him control.

Why, you didn't know. You knew that Rhaenyra would never have these thoughts. She wouldn't let someone else take control over her and order her around because she wanted to be the one in control. She wanted to be independent and not blindly obey to someone. You simply didn't know why you were different to your sister in that way. Why did you have this need to please? Why did you want to be turned into a thoughtless mess and let Daemon take you the way he wanted. Why did you want to follow his orders and give yourself to him?

Maybe because it was easy? This whole situation wasn't easy at all but being on your knees for him? Getting fucked against the wall? That was easy. You felt like for a second someone else took the responsibility for your life and for this brief moment your mind and body could rest. Because Daemon was there to take care of you and for a moment you could just turn your mind off if you simply submitted to him. The only thing you had to do was obey him and then everything would turn out to be fine. Your mind was at ease and you liked giving away control. And gods, when he said that you were good for him. It made the butterflies in your belly fly and your cheeks turn red. You liked hearing him praise you. When he told you that you were pretty or that you were taking his orders so well. It made a firework explode inside of you.

You could feel that his movements in your mouth became sloppy and he was close to releasing. With every push he exhaled heavily and had his mouth slightly open while looking down to you.

"Fuck…", he breathed and you felt his grip in your hair possessively tighten. "My good little girl."

These were exactly the kinds of words you wanted to hear out of his mouth and they motivated you to please him even more. You twirled your tongue around his tip which was hard because of his fast pace but they were effective because Daemon moaned loudly.

"Seven hells.", he growled and then finally emptied himself in your throat. By now you really liked the salty taste of his seed and swallowed every drop with pleasure. Daemon buried his fingers inside your hair and breathed uncontrolled and loudly while still having his eyes on you, who by now looked at his torso while licking him clean. His heart was beating fastly and he tried to calm himself.

Sweat was covering his forehead and Daemon felt a mixture between satisfaction, peace and possessiveness over you. You were driving him mad with these big eyes and your pretty face. The way you looked on your knees… And he didn't even want to start with the rest of your body, your sweet cunt that tasted like just the right mixture of salty and sweet. Your little tits, your pearky, pink nipples. Your full and soft lips, these soft thighs and your sweet voice…

Daemon wanted to worship you and possess you at the same time. He wanted to own you, claim you, be the only person in your world and at the same time put you on a pedestal to pray to you. You were sweet, delicate, precious and he wanted to have you. All the time.

There were no thoughts of his brother inside his head right now. No trace of doubt or regret, no, how could he feel like this was wrong and he was betraying his brother when your mouth felt that good around his cock. He didn't care about Viserys at this moment. He enjoyed you too much. And the funny thing was that even if Daemon felt like he was betraying his brother, it would be exactly what he wanted.

This was exactly what he wanted. Claiming his brother's daughter behind his back and feeling like finally he had power over something; you and especially Viserys. He had you, his brother's youngest daughter on your knees for him, begging for him to insert himself in your mouth. Begging for his attention. It filled him with satisfaction and smugness to the brim.

Daemon decided that he would continue to take you to his room in the nights. And he knew that he wouldn't manage to live without this anyway. Without having you wrapped around his cock and your cunt on display for him. And so he had no intention on trying it. He still didn't know what would happen when his brother would one day betroth you to some lord but he didn't care about this right now neither. He just looked down to you with a wide smirk on his lips and felt you lick his cock clean.

Once you were done you pulled off him and smiled at him proudly. Some of his seed was sticking to the corner of your mouth, your eyes were glistening and your hair was messy from his hand inside it.

Daemon's smirk intensed. "Get up.", he whispered and so you did.

Daemon leaned down to kiss you on your lips and you wrapped your arms around his back. His hand laid on your waist and his fingers gently caressed your skin through your gown. For some reason you both felt so peaceful right now. You hadn't even released and yet you were relaxed and… satisfied. Neither of you even initiated another sexual activity because you just felt like it wouldn't fit the moment.

Daemon just held you close to his body and devoured your heated cheeks and neck with kisses on your skin until he pulled away after a few moments.

"Mhmmm.", he mumbled and his thumb ran over the area under your eye. You smiled at him and then Daemon took a step back from you to adjust his clothes. You watched him happily and after he was finished he pressed another kiss on your lips.

"I have to go now.", he whispered. "I'd like to be with you but I really have to go to Caraxes and fly to meet Cordell."

You frowned. "Who's that?", you asked.

"It's about… It's about sheep." You chuckled loudly and Daemon grinned as well.

"Yes, I know, very funny. Caraxes needs food and he now and then… takes what he wants. Cordell has complained about it many times and now your father sent me to apologise on behalf of the crown."

You smirked and caressed his cheek. "I understand."

"I'd take you with me, little owl.", Daemon whispered and toyed with a loose strand of your hair. "But his farm is no place for you."

You nodded. "It's fine. I'll just go to Rhaenyra or take a stroll through the gardens."

He kissed you on your forehead one last time and then walked out of the door.

[weepinglavenders]

Staying Put PART 4?!:

Newt was woken up by the sharp pain and impact of someone kicking him. He didn’t open his eyes before reaching out and grabbing the person’s leg, wrapping himself around it and then slamming his body weight into the leg, causing the person to fall over with a loud thunk. He looked at them and ripped off their mask, his vision going cloudy in that newly familare way. He grabbed the man’s face, who looked absolutely terrified as he stared and struggled against Newt. He put force into his fingers, cutting open the flesh on the man's face with his jagged fingernails, relishing in the screaming. He slammed the man’s head down, glaring as he hit the padded ground.

“I said I’d kill the damn shanks that put me in that maze. I thought about it for two long years and I’m not about to forget about it.”

Newt hissed quietly, letting the Flare take over as he broke the man’s neck. He stood and stared at Ava through the window who stared right back before seeming to write something down. He looked at the man who stained the white floor red now. He had nothing on him, he was a completely defenseless man and had been sent in to get a reaction from Newt.

Well if a reaction was what they wanted he’d give them a reaction. He took the small ID card from the man’s pocket, using the corner to draw out lines on the padding. Lines he knew by heart, lines he had seen so many times that they seemed to be apart of him. An empty square in the center, paths going in all sorts of directions, sections forming words. He went to the back wall and hummed quietly, taking the now broken plastic car and cutting his arm, using his blood to spell out two very important words.

“Fuck You.”

He stepped back and looked at his work, seeing the messy lines of the maps Minho and the runners had worked so long on making, that he’d helped make. He looked at his bleeding arm and went to the side of the door and started writing down names, crossing them out one after another until everyone’s name was down.

Finally he looked at the window, saw a sea of people just watching, staring at all the marks he’d made. If they only saw him as another Crank then a Crank he’d be. He’d be the craziest bastard in the whole damned building.

~

An hour or so later three people came in, followed by the Chancellor. Newt was quickly detained, placed in cuffs with gloves and some type of mask that locked in the back. He almost laughed at the idea of having to bite these bastards but he probably would if need be. Hell, he’d dislocate his own wrists if it got him out of these cuffs. 

One person held Newt in place as the other two grabbed the man and took him out of the room. Paige looked at him, examining him like a feral dog, interest glittering in her eyes.

“You are one interesting individual Newt, the Flare has truly affected your reason.”

She kneeled beside him and looked into his eyes.

“The Newt we were all rooting for would’ve never killed an innocent. You were one of the few Gladers that still mourned loss and grieved. It’s truly heartbreaking to see act this way.”

Her tone was so disappointed and hurt that Newt lowered his eyes, thoughts clearing back to a small piece of sanity. He looked at the wall with everyone’s name on it and his heart stuttered painfully at all the crossed out names. He hadn’t had time to mourn all the new ones, hadn’t had time to even think long enough about them but now, the Chancellor’s words burrowed into his heart. No, Newt would never have killed someone, not the Newt that had been in the Glade for two years, who had valued everyone of the Gladers and was incharge of making sure everyone was taken care of.

His head dropped, fighting back tears. He’d hated it, hated the walls, the doors, the constant state of fear. But now? Now he wanted to laugh at the thought of himself being curled up in a bed, trembling as he was attacked relentlessly with night terrors. Glader Newt hadn’t known actual fear, not like how he knows it now, hadn’t really known loss until they had escaped. 

He looked back at the woman who was giving him a pitying look that made his blood boil. He wasn’t like that anymore, he was some crazy heartless bastard because of them. He kicked his leg out, snagging Paige’s ankle from the back and yanking it forward. She fell and groaned, her look of pity immediately being replaced with hate.

“You’re right, the kid you put into the maze would never do something so heartless, but I think it’s pretty clear he’s not in the maze anymore and he’s sick of your shit.”

His voice was muffled by the mask so to emphasize his words he glared heavily at her. She looked at the person holding him and nodded, standing up and dusting herself off.

“It is clear to me now, and it is also clear you are not grasping the urgency we have to make this cure which involves your help and your friends. I suppose we’ll have to find a more aggressive means of persuasion.”

He didn’t have time to ask what the hell that ment before he was marched out of the room and down multiple hallways, stopping at a door that looked identical to all the others. The room had a heart monitor and a rug in the center, the walls having odd hexagon shaped holes covering them and there was only one dim light hanging down. 

Newt was forced to walk towards the monitor, a chain being clipped to the center of his cuffs and then to a hook that was hidden inside the rug. He was quickly connected to the monitor before the person left, locking the door.

He looked around and sighed quietly, not sure what he was supposed to be doing. He stepped back, seeing that he had about four to three feet of chain connecting him to the floor but not enough to allow him to go over to the monitor. Suddenly a small hissing noise started, a type of fog seeping from the holes in the wall and layering the ground, surrounding his ankles. He held his breath quickly, his heart rate picking up slightly and followed by more frantic beeping.

Then the lights shut off, the sound of metal scraping against the ground surrounding him. The familiar, eerie moans of Grievers filled the room, sounding like it was coming from every angle, closing in around him. The monitor was partially screaming now as his heart sped up, he tried to step back but his restraints held him.

The beeping faded into screaming and the world seemed to tilt as red lights turned on, casting shadows of the Grievers in the fog, but he couldn’t hear them anymore. He squeezed his eyes shut and screamed, the sound making his throat raw and his body shake, trying to be louder than the screaming that filled his head. 

Light suddenly filled the room, the fog retracting and allowing Newt to open his eyes. He’d planted his feet at the edge of his retrains and had started pulling so hard against the cuffs that his bones threatened to break, blood spilling from the rubs on his skin. His mouth tasted like he’d swallowed a million pennies, making him nauseous. He coughed, a painful, raspy sound, blood falling from his mouth. The person who had brought him to the room stepped inside, not saying a word as they unclipped the chain and disconnected the monitor. Rage filled his body then and Newt looked at his wrists and glared at the person, watching as their back turned to look at the monitor. 

Maybe they were betting that he’d be too freaked out to cause any actual damage or maybe they wanted him to attack the guy when he wasn’t looking, both ideas pissing him off a bit more but he didn’t act on his thoughts of murder, waiting patiently. A moment later the person turned to him, giving him a confused look before writing something down. Newt smiled and slammed his elbow into the bridge of the guy’s nose, causing it to make a sickening crunch as it broke from the force. He kicked the chain that laid on the floor out as the man staggered back and caused him to trip and fall, knocking his head hard against the tile and rendering him unconscious. 

He grabbed the keys in the guy's pockets and bit the end of one, wedging the key into the lock of his cuffs and sighing in relief as they clattered to the ground on the first attempt. He ripped off some of the fabric on the man’s lab coat, easily tying it around his bloody wrists and then going through all of his pockets, finding a small hand version of a launcher that Ava Paige had so kindly showed him earlier. 

The door swung open, multiple people coming in with guns but he easily shot one, took their gun (which wasn’t a standard hand held or a launcher much to Newt’s joy), and shot the others, grabbing a key card from one of the bodies and quickly leaving the room. He tried remembering the direction he’d come from, racing down hall after hall and shooting anyone that tried to stop him. Within minutes alarms were blaring but Newt ignored it, eyes landing on the stairwell.

Level 4/10

Praying that level 1 or 2 would be ground level he raced down the stairs, ignoring as the pain in his ankle grew. He landed on the second floor, panting through his teeth and glaring heavily at the guards that surrounded the stairs. He was about to either run up the stairs or kill as many of them as he could when suddenly an explosion made a gaping hole at the other side of the room and Newt grinned as he saw them.

[4190]

As someone who had to move to the other side of the country right before highschool, I really think this topic should be talked about

So for my entire childhood I lived a relatively normal life, I grew up with the same people for 13 years and even though I wasn't close with everyone, we still made our memories and we all grew up together. When I moved, I didn't realize leaving such familiar things and people would affect me so much. I was extremely unhappy from leaving everything that made me, me. Everything that made me happy, everything that I'd ever known. So as a 13 year old literal child I didn't handle the moving process well and I just kind of stopped myself from feeling anything to protect myself I guess. I didnt let myself move on, I didn't let myself restart, I couldn't accept that I had to start a brand new life out of the blue. And based on what I've heard from other people about moving far away from their home town, I thought it'd be easy to adjust and that I could maybe find happiness again in this brand new place. So there were actually many things wrong with the whole moving situation. First of all, I was moving from a city with mountains surrounding it to the literal country side with no scenery whatsoever. I was fucking depressed as shit. And my parents just expected me to handle it all on my own, like it wasn't a big deal at all. But it fucking was a big deal, at least to me. My mom might be fine with moving and my dad might love the countryside, but I grew up differently, in the city and with people I've known all my life. U can't just expect me to suddenly adjust and know how to do everytning and not cry and mourn for what I've lost just cause it doesn't affect u the same way. I'm convinced asian parents are just not capable of feeling empathy. My heart fucjing hurts so bad right now. Writing this, it's making me realize how much fun and memories I've missed out on just cause I moved and I wasn't able to adjust properly. I've been dissociated ever since because my 13 year old self couldn't accept the emotions that came with leaving behind and losing everything you've ever known. And u know what the worst fucking part of it is? I cant even talk to anyone about this because no one has experienced it. They might feel bad for me but they will never understand the amount of fucking pain I'm in and the suffering I've been through these past years. I've never been able to come out of it. Every single fucking day it's like I'm just waiting and waiting to go back to when I was happy and everything felt familiar. But I know that day isn't ever gonna come because nothing is familiar, nothing is the way it was. This moving process really fucked with my brain and I know I'll never recover. I need to give up all my hope because I know things will never ever go back to the way they were. I'm in pain every single fuckinf moment of everyday because I can never, not even for a moment, snap myself out of the dissociated state. I fucking hate my brain and that's a fact, fuck that stay positive shit because I know for a fact I hate myself and I regret all the decisions I made and agreeing to move and not trying harder to stay. That one fucking mistake fucked up my entire fucking life. I don't see myself getting older and being happier. I don't see my future. All I can think about is the past and regretting not fighting harder for the life I should've lived.

[beaniebaneenie]

I'd also like to point out that this whole conversation is taking place because Loki is visiting Thor in prison, to mourn with him, to provide comfort and empathy (because he absolutely knows what it did to *him* when he found out his whole life story was a lie spun by Odin to make him more useful), and to offer help however he could...

all of which were things Thor denied Loki when he was the one in prison.

Thor only came to Loki when he needed someone to help him commit treason, and explicitly stated that if Loki did anything he didn't like, there was no love or affection there to save him and Thor would kill him. Thor didn't visit Loki to share in the grief over Frigga. He didn't visit him to acknowledge that Odin had lied for centuries, or to ask, "hey, you were always the one trying to STOP me from reckless war, that whole thing felt out of character for you, wanna talk about it?"

Loki doesn't hold any of that against him though, and as soon as he's able, visits his brother in prison to assure Thor he isn't alone, grieve with him, tell him he cares and wants to help... and Thor spits it back in his face by acting like a petulant child and blaming Loki for things that are demonstrably not his fault.

It's canon that Odin's health has been failing since Thor1, by putting off the Odinsleep, and in Avengers, Loki talks about Odin having to use dark magic to get Thor to Earth because the Bifröst is out. By TDW, we see that Odin is reverting back to his warmonger days and is willing to send thousands of Asgardians to their death if it means he can finish the genocide his father started.

Loki didn't "strand Odin on Earth to die". And worse, Thor KNOWS THIS. Loki sent him to the very same planet Odin once sent Thor, and put him in an old folks' home, which is perhaps a little petty, but IMHO after everything Odin did to him, I think Loki earned that.

Strange told Thor that Odin was "adamant that he not be disturbed", and was choosing to remain in exile.

That is not "Loki stranded him there to die", that is "Odin choosing to live out his remaining time on Earth". Odin knew his life was all that held Hela back, and he could have shared this information with Thor, could have gone back to Ásgarð, could have done any number of things to prevent her coming to power or everyone being caught unawares. He did none of it.

And since she popped out twenty feet from where he died, I've always assumed Odin stayed away from Ásgarð because he knew his deathpoint would be Hela's spawn point, and wanted to keep her from the realm where she drew her power. (That said, if he was really thinking straight, he should have spent his last days somewhere like Svartalfheim or another "dead" world to trap her somewhere without access to Ásgarð... Another point in the column of "Odin doesn't give two shits about Midgard or humans and considers them ultimately disposable.)

And that's not even getting started on Thor's accusation that Loki faked his own death- Loki killed the being who killed Frigga, avenging their mother. He also got a massive sword through the chest for his trouble... and let's not forget that Thor explicitly stated that he would bring Loki back to Ásgarð for an eternity in that cell once the fight was over. ("I'm going to be EXACTLY like my father and use you for my own aims, then bring you back here again to be nothing more than another stolen relic, literally locked up until I have use for you again." Yeah, I can see why Loki would wish to avoid that.)

In order to preserve the monarchy, and NOT kill Thor for treason, Odin would have blamed it on Loki... and this time Frigga would not be there to save his life. Loki would have known that returning to Ásgarð after that battle would have been a death sentence- either a quick death by axe, or slow death by solitary confinement for eternity.

...either way, had Thor chosen to go back for Loki's body and bring him home to Ásgarð (as he should have done for an honorable death of a member of the royal family), he would have known that Loki survived.

Everything Thor accuses Loki of here is a failing of Odin's or of Thor himself- or a deliberate attempt to revise history and absolve himself of guilt. All of which are the actions of a petulant child throwing a tantrum, not a hero laying justified blame at the feet of a villain.

What would you like me to say?

[will-on-the-internet]

Always Waiting | Eddie Munson

Summary: What if Eddie survived, and instead of mourning for him, you waited by his side, hoping he'd wake up? You'd always wait for Eddie, even if no one else would. HENDERSON!READER

Warnings: HEAVY SPOILERS FOR S4! Swearing, mention of violence and death, food!

Word Count: 1.7K

A/N: This is the first SFW piece I've done for Eddie, and of course, it had to be hurt/comfort. I hope you enjoy it!

PLEASE REBLOG FOR MORE EDDIE MUNSON FICS

You never liked hospitals, never liked the plain rooms and shiny laminate floors. You hated how much sorry was trapped within the walls, and you could never bear to hear the pained cries of someone who’d just lost a loved one. But, for a whole week, you sat in an uncomfortable plastic chair, next to an ordinary hospital bed, praying and wishing that the person sleeping, would wake up.

It had been a week since the events of Hawkins and the upside down, since you and your friends fought Vecna, and most importantly, it was a week since Eddie was nearly massacred by the bats, left lying on the ground and covered in blood. Everyone else got out of the upside down relatively unscathed, but Eddie was barely breathing when Dustin and Steve got him to safety, barely getting him to the hospital in time.

When he got here, the doctors were horrified when they looked at the open wounds covering Eddie’s torso, some of them already infected by the poisonous air from the other dimension. They were shocked he was alive, and even more shocked when he started to recover, kept company by the constant visits from the Hellfire Club, Steve, Robin, Max and most often, you.

You had hardly left his side, only going home when visiting hours ended, to get a few hours of sleep and freshen up with a shower. You knew that everyone was worried about you as much as they were worried about Eddie, but they also knew you wouldn’t leave him in such a vulnerable state after everything that happened.

“C’mon Henderson, I’m taking you home tonight. Everyone was gonna grab some pizza at mine.” Steve’s hand is on your shoulder, squeezing it gently to shake you out of your thoughts, and though you knew he meant well, you couldn’t help but scoff and look at him.

“Sure, I really wanna eat pizza while my boyfriend is barely alive in a hospital. Such a good idea, Harrington.” Steve frowns, a look of hurt washing over his face, but he sighs and shakes his head, understanding that you were tired and worried and feeling so helpless.

No one knew if Eddie was going to wake up, the doctors couldn’t tell if the infection had affected his brain and led him to gain brain damage, but with him being able to breathe on his own, they were set on letting hope run its course. And Steve did feel bad, he thought they’d won against Vecna and saved Hawkins once again until he found Dustin with Eddie’s body.

Eddie had tried to be a hero, tried to be everything most people in Hawkins thought he could never be, and it had nearly cost him his life. So you sat and waited, watching over him as Dustin talked to him about an idea for a D & D campaign, Robin nattered about her taste of music, and Steve sat and waited with you, trying to keep you afloat too.

“Look, I know you want to stay here, kid…but you’re exhausted, you haven’t had a decent meal in days, and you need a break from this place.” Steve’s looking at you then, crouched to your level and pleading with you to take a break, get some air and let loose some of the tension caught in your shoulders.

Then you both heard it, a small cough. Neither of you took much notice, thinking maybe it was caused by another patient who shared the ward with Eddie, but then his machines started getting louder, and soon, to the surprise of you and Steve…he was speaking.

“Pizza… that sounds nice.” Eddie’s voice was awfully croaky, and he couldn’t help coughing, neck craning to try and get into a more comfortable position. Neither you nor Steve reacted, and in reality, neither of you knew what to do. The nurses and doctor swarmed in then, gently pushing the two of you out of the way as they looked Eddie over, and you couldn’t stop staring.

“Okay, I gotta be honest…you might need to pinch me because I don’t know if I’m dreaming or not.” Steve’s remark made you laugh, grinning wildly as you looked at Eddie, taking in his tired eyes and relieved smile. Eddie laughs in response to Steve, and in return gets scolded by a nurse, who’s shoving a straw in between his lips so he’ll drink some water.

Finally, the three of you are left to talk, and you have to stop from throwing yourself at Eddie. He laughs when you hug him, gripping you tight with both arms as your face burrows down into the crook of his neck. He can feel the tears soaking into his hair from your eyes, but like the gentlemen he is, he doesn’t mention it. And when you pull away, he doesn’t let you go far, making sure you’re perched on the edge of his bed within arms reach.

“Good to have you back, man. Now I can tell Dustin his hero survived.” Steve shakes Eddie’s hand without a thought, grinning with relief, and Eddie’s got an arm wrapped around your waist, a hand holding your thigh to ground himself into reality. “Honestly dude, what you did down there, Dustin told me all about it, I thought it was wicked. Anyway, you two have your moment, I’m going to call the others and let them know you’re awake.” Steve’s gone then, and Eddie lets out a soft chuckle. He tries to sit up higher and put his back against the headboard, but he struggles, nearly falling to the side before you catch him.

“Woah, baby, hang on.” You help him move his position and make sure the covers are up to his waist, pillows fluffed properly and that he’s comfortable. A comfortable silence settles over the two of you as you pour him another cup of water, holding the cup for him to drink.

“You know, everyone was worried sick about you, Dustin kept reading the D&D manual to you, hoping you’d wake up.” Eddie looks away then, a sudden onslaught of tears caught in his lashes and taking him by surprise. There’s a lump in his throat that he just can’t manage to swallow down even though he tries with all his might, and when you take his hand and rub the back of it with your thumb, Eddie’s a goner.

He’s in your arms then, gripping on to you tightly and hoping that none of this was a dream, or some fucked up idea of heaven, and you’re holding him just like he always likes, a hand stroking his hair and another one wrapped around his shoulders. He sobs, letting out all of the built-up emotion, trying to shove back the memories from his near-final moments, and you just let him, soothing with soft whispers and quiet hums.

“I…I didn’t mean to be so stupid…I really didn’t.” Eddie pulls away then so he can speak, fitfully wiping his face and frowning when you look at him. “I thought everything would be okay, in some sort of fucked up insanity. But then…the bats and Dustin and…I guess I liked the idea of not running for once.”

Eddie’s words are quiet, and he’s not really expecting a response, but he still gets one, with your hand cupping his cheek and your lips pressing gently against his chapped ones.

“You, Eddie Munson, are a hero. And maybe you don’t want to hear it, but you are the furthest thing from a coward. You made the distraction that we needed, you protected my brother as any good man should, and you did something so stupidly dumb and brave, in the hopes of saving people you didn’t even know.” You stop for a moment, having to take a breath as Eddie’s gaze bores into yours, and when you take his hands, he doesn’t hesitate to squeeze them. “I know our stupid town thinks you’re a monster, a freak and some devil-worshipping murderer, but I don’t care. Fuck what they say, fuck what they think.”

“To be honest…I was worried about you being here if I woke up.” Eddie’s got so much sadness in his eyes that you can feel your heart breaking in two, and once again you’re pulling him to you, soothing him with soft kisses and gentle caresses.

“Of course I was going to be here, baby. There was no chance I was going to miss you waking up, being one of the first people you saw. I’ve been waiting right here for days, right by your side. You weren’t alone, Eds.” Eddie sniffs against your shoulder, and he leans into your touch when you press your lips to the side of his mouth, getting a taste of salty tears and warm skin. “Your uncle’s gonna be so happy to see you, love. He comes to visit every day too, sometimes he’d play you music through your beaten-up Walkman.” Eddie laughs at this, a noise that’s so happy and filled with relief that it makes your body tingle, and he’s shaking his head in amusement.

“That reminds me, someone’s gotta get rid of my Master of Puppets tape, I don’t think I can listen to that song ever again.” You laugh back, leaning in to kiss him again and again, releasing the feeling of his hands on your body, the warmth of his skin against yours and his hair brushing your face and hands where you cupped his cheeks.

The two of you kissed for what seemed like ages, and when more doctors and nurses came to fiddle with his wires and monitors, Eddie couldn’t take his eyes off you or wipe his shit-eating grin off his face.

An hour or so later, he was in a private room, something that Steve managed to swing, and the whole gang was sitting in the various chairs and the free space on the bed, munching on pizza and sharing chaotic stories. Dustin kept going on and on about how well Eddie rocked on the top of the trailer, and Robin boasted about how good of a shot Nancy was, and everyone seemed happy, excited even.

This was home to you and Eddie, surrounded by your friends and your brother, listening to insane tales and laughing when Steve nearly spilled a soda on himself. Eddie was alive, everyone was safe, and sure you’d all been to hell and back a couple more times than anyone would like, but you’d move on.

And as the bites on Eddie’s torso healed, so would his trauma, and you were never going to leave his side, always waiting for him to be ready, always waiting for Eddie to just be…Eddie.

PLEASE REBLOG FOR MORE EDDIE MUNSON FICS!

Tagging: @sadgirlml @writingquillsandpainpills @gay-prentiss @prettyboyeddiemunson @gold-onthe-inside @wasteland-bvby

[blues824]

If the request is open,can you make ouran high school host club members react haruhi has a brother(male Y/n),personality is Chiaki Nanami and go to Hope's Peak Academy

My first OHSHC request! New set of tags! Also, my first time writing for Male!Y/N. Depending on how this goes, I will be opening requests for Male!Y/N as well. In addition to that, I dropped the twins because I ran out of motivation for this and it's been in my drafts for a while

Haruhi goes by both masculine and feminine pronouns in the anime, so I just resorted to using they/them.

“Hey, Haruhi! Hope’s Peak Academy is visiting Ouran and…” Everyone in the music room was staring at you. You couldn’t help but think you walked in at the exact wrong moment. Could this be any more embarrassing?!

“Haruhi, who is this?” The tall blonde man asked your sibling. Who were you? Who was he? Or any of the other guys in the room? And how do they know your sibling?

“Hey, Y/N! Guys, this is my brother.” Cue all the gasps.

Tamaki Suoh

“Good evening, sir. Would you care for some tea?” The tall blonde man asked you. 

“No. I’m here to see my sibling, not you.” You bluntly stated. Cue the waterworks, and now Tamaki is sulking in the corner.

“Y/N, I just got Tamaki-senpai to stop sulking. Anyways, how long will Hope’s Peak be visiting?”

“About a week. I bet our father’s glad that we get some sibling bonding time.”

Tamaki seemed to snap out of his depression and walk over. Then, music started playing and rose petals came from nowhere as he said, “I’d love to show you around, my prince.”

“I guess. See ya, Haruhi.” Were you not affected by his flirting? [DO YOU GET DEJA VU WHEN HE’S WITH YOU, TAMAKI?] Anyways…

Honestly, you’re kind of like a second Haruhi. You’re unaffected by all of Tamaki’s advances. This troubles him because you also tell him that you didn’t really know how love worked and wanted to know more about it.

The fact that you give backhanded compliments all the time is hilarious to the rest of the Host Club besides Tamaki. Mans will make another hamster home in the corner because he is now sad. You just insulted him!

He does get slightly concerned whenever you fall asleep while standing up, or when you randomly stop talking mid-sentence. He freaks out whenever you forget to breathe while gaming as well. Mans is in the middle of mourning your not-loss when you snap back to reality.

Kyoya Ootori

“I didn’t know you had a brother, Haruhi.” A tall man with black hair said to your sibling.

“You never asked.” They shrugged. “How are you, Y/N?”

“I’m good. Who is everyone?”

“This is Kyoya-senpai…” Haruhi went on to introduce everyone, but there was something about Kyoya that captured your attention. Then you noticed that he extended his hand out to you.

“Mr. Fujioka, I’d be more than willing to show you around the school.” He said.

“Thanks… I guess.” You said.

Not gonna lie, he’s glad someone can finally tell Tamaki that he is being ridiculous. The way you say it so bluntly is humorous even. Don’t get him started on your back-handed compliments. You’re not afraid to speak your mind

He’s never been truly involved with the romance aspect of the Host Club, but he has charmed a few people during his time in the club. Usually, he handles the financial aspect of it all. He doesn’t understand why you’re so curious about love.

He probably finds it adorable whenever you fall asleep while standing. It just means that he gets to pick you up and carry you to the nearest couch. With being Hope Peak’s Ultimate Gamer, he knows that you probably don’t get a lot of sleep due to gaming a lot.

Mitsukuni “Honey” Haninozuka

“Haruhi-chan? You have a brother?” He asked. 

“Yes. Y/N, this is Honey-Senpai.” Haruhi answered, then turned to you.

“You look so handsome! You would be great for the Host Club!” Honey exclaimed.

“Sorry, kid. I’m only here for a week. Plus, if you didn’t hear me, I go to a whole other school.” You said. This made him a bit sad, but he perked up at the chance to make a new friend.

He will try and teach you to be a bit less blunt and maybe consider what you are going to say before you say it. “Think like someone would say it to you. Would it hurt your feelings if someone said that to you, Y/N-chan?”

He’s adorable and that’s why everyone requests him. He would do his best to make you seem a bit more approachable so that you would be able to experience love for yourself (secretly hopes you choose him to show you). Love is a feeling everyone should experience, you included!

Naps. Welcome to my TedTalk. Nah but seriously. Naps with Honey-senpai are amazing. The entirety of the Host Club have gotten a few pictures of the both of you cuddling in your sleep. They even added some of the photos to some of the catalogs and magazines the HC has to offer.

Takashi “Mori” Morinozuka

“Nice to meet you all. I don’t know any of your names, and - just being frank - will probably not remember them through the week.” You greeted.

This caught Mori’s attention because no one would actually talk to the host club that way. 

It’s like a second Haruhi! Everyone thought.

“Takashi, can we show him around the school, please? Then we can go get some cake from that bakery!” Honey asked.

“Fine. Y/N, would you care to come along?”

“Sure. Got nothing better to do.”

You both are the analytical type, usually only saying things when they need to be said. However, when you do speak you tend to be more blunt and to-the-point. He commends you for it, because someone had to say these things and it wasn’t gonna be him.

Mori is more of that mysterious type that some people love. He’s usually quiet individually, but when he’s requested with Honey then they do their usual act. He doesn’t really understand what’s so appealing to you about love, if he’s being honest.

He’s the kind of guy to throw you over his shoulder when you fall asleep standing up. Whether you wake up from that or not, he doesn’t care. He will gently place you down onto a safe and comfortable spot, though.

[oddaodd]

· I Don't Go In For Sweets ·

Request: by a lovely anon "set after the events of season 3. Tommy can't handle the company, he's still grieving and he has to be there for Charlie so Polly tells him she knows a girl from a good family to get married He ends up agreeing (aunt Pol can be very persuasive) but even though he's married, this new girl isn't considered as a wife. He doesn't really make any effort but his "wife" understands, he's a widowed father who lost his first wife only a year ago. However since they are...in this, she wants to make her time as enjoyable as possible for the both of them and for Charlie too. But no matter what Tommy makes it a point of honor to not let her in, to not let her replace Grace so he ignores her, he works more, tries to spend as little as possible in the house. Reader stays patient, it will be alright and Charlie is making her quite busy anyway. One night, Tommy comes home completely drunk and maybe a bit high too, he can't even make it to his office. Thankfully Reader is still awake, she takes care of him and Tommy just...melts at how gentle Reader is, he may be able to keep his distant while sober but it's much harder in his state. He admits to her how he's been feeling and all. Ever since that night, something changed, Tommy feels some comfort, some solace being around her, she accepts him wholly, even his flaws, the bad side of his business and she tries to provide some sort of safe place for when it gets too hard." (I edited the request because it was very long, but I kept all essential parts in there)

Author’s note: I loved loved loved writing this and it ended up being SUPER long, but I’m very happy with how it turned out. As always, I hope you like it and have the loveliest of days!

Warnings: season 3 SPOILERS sort of, but not really, still read at your own risk. Arranged marriage, mentions of alcohol and drugs, angst.

·

“Thomas, you may not be able to see it, but you’re breaking apart” Polly spoke with a sigh as she lit a cigarette after everyone was dismissed from a family meeting.

Everyone had left Tommy’s office in arrow house rather gaily after receiving their fair compensations for partaking in the whole Russian ordeal, all except Polly, who remained where she sat, wishing for a word with her nephew

Tommy merely scoffed at her concern before lighting his own cigarette and taking a puff “I’ll be alright”

“And Charlie?” Pol pressed knowing Tommy’s mourning was not only affecting him, but Charlie as well. “What about him?”

“He’s fine” He said before turning around to look through the window, ignoring his Aunt’s heavy stare.

“You take too much after your mother” she sighed half angry half sad “she too loved pretending everything was alright and I don’t need to remind you where that lead her”

Tommy sighed deeply, he knew he could fool anyone. Anyone but Polly. “We’ll manage”

“Consider my offer” Polly said standing up and making her way to the door “Y/n is a good girl from a good family” she persuaded before leaving the room.

Tommy sighed at his Aunt’s words, he wasn’t ready to get married again even when he knew the woman he would be marrying was a nice one. He felt like he was spitting on Grace’s grave and he hated himself for even considering the prospect, but he knew a mother figure would be good for Charlie.

He spent the rest of the day pondering about Polly’s suggestion and remembering his own childhood in the shadow of the absent tortured presence that his mother had been. It didn’t take him long to decide he didn’t want that for Charlie, so that same night he phoned Polly.

“I’ll do it” was all he said before hanging up. There was no need for more words, Polly would know exactly what he meant.

Exactly a week later, Tom was standing in the altar of a church that was significantly smaller than the one from his first wedding. The fact that everything about this wedding was so obscenely different from his first did soothe his guilt a bit. And as he stood there he couldn’t keep his mind from traveling to the days leading up to his wedding to Grace. She had made sure everything was perfect and had made an effort to invite every single relative she could think of. She remembered her rambling on an on about fabrics, insisting that everything ought to be perfect when he in all honestly couldn’t care less, he just wanted to marry her.

All his thoughts vanished away with a poof when Y/n came into sight. And what a sight she was. She had insisted on doing her own makeup and on pinning flowers to her hair to compliment her headpiece and her elegant, yet simple white dress flowed almost mystically as her father gave her away. She had never imagined she would be marrying someone she didn’t know, but she wanted to look her best for getting married is not something people do everyday.

When she stood in the altar, she offered her to be husband a smile which he did not return, instead turning his attention to the priest before them. She mirrored his actions, her heart beating violently under her chest as the priest began speaking.

It all felt like a blur, she could swear it had only been a second since her father had given her away and yet, the priest had already uttered the dreaded “you may now kiss the bride”

Tommy barely brushed his lips against hers and soon the sound of everyone clapping invaded her ears. They had a small party afterwards in Y/n’s former house. Her parents had invited pretty much all of their acquaintances while tommy had only invited his close relatives.

When night fell Tommy was more than ready to leave “Are you ready to go?” was one of the few sentences he uttered to his now wife that night.

She again offered him a smile before saying “yeah just let me say goodbye”

The drive to arrow house was tense, although Y/n didn’t know Thomas very well she would tell he was unhappy. She wondered about what to say to him, but couldn’t come up with anything good enough and soon enough they were pulling over in front of Tommy’s stately home.

“Charlie must already be asleep, but I'll introduce you tomorrow” he said opening Y/n’s door for her.

“It’s alright” she said looking at him, not quite knowing what to do next.

“Your parents sent some of your belongings, I've already asked the maids to take them up to your-our room” he said

“Thank you, Thomas” she smiled as she walked into the big house not yet feeling close enough to him to call him Tommy.

His name falling from her lips caused an echo of bittersweet emotions to stir inside him but he masked it perfectly well as she introduced Y/n to the maids that went to the door to take their coats.

“Frances here will show you the way to the room” he said after having made introductions.

“This way, Mrs” Frances politely said.

Y/n began following her but stopped when she didn’t hear Tommy’s footsteps behind her own.

“Are you not coming?” she asked turning to look at him.

“Maybe in a bit” was all he said before he walked away down one of the many spacious hallways of the house.

After Y/n made herself comfortable in the room and changed into her nightgown she took the time to peek around the room like one always does when one is a strange place. After familiarizing herself with it she laid down in the big bed. She was nervous, she knew what happened on wedding nights. A small chuckle stopped at her lips when she recalled the stories her close already married girlfriends told her. If she hadn’t married a complete stranger she too would be looking forward to it.

Her thoughts ended up luring her to sleep after a while despite her nerves and the night went by in a ridiculously fast flash. The next morning she woke up alone and after getting ready she made her way downstairs. Tommy and Charlie were already in the dining room when she entered it.

“good morning” she said

Charlie immediately turned his attention to her, his eyes widening while his dad merely glanced at her while he muttered a “Good morning “ of his own.

Y/n sat down next to Tommy while he cleared his throat “charles, this is Y/n. We got married yesterday so she’ll be living with us from now on”

Charlie merely nodded in understanding before playing around with his food.

A tense air flooded breakfast until Tommy stood up, having barely touched his food and spoke turning to look at Y/n “I have to go now, if you need anything feel free to ask Frances”

“Alright” Y/n replied feeling a bit disappointed, she would love to get to know him, but she already knew it was going to be difficult.

“I have to go too” Charlie announced in a timid voice, interrupting Y/n’s thoughts. Despite her disappointment she understood, maybe he was just shy and his dad just reticent. They had lost a wife and a mother after all.

The first few days after that, Charlie avoided her nearly as much as his father did and Y/n remained in lonely patience until one night Charlie’s cries interrupted her focus on the book that she had just bought. She rushed to his room and called out his name as she entered not knowing if the boy would be comfortable with her or not.

“What is it?” she asked worried as she knelt by his bed.

“I miss my mum” the boy confessed looking at her with teary eyes as he clutched his blanket.

Y/n felt her heart give a small ache at his confession and in an attempt to comfort him she spoke “She’s not really gone, you know?”

“She’s dead” the boy sobbed.

“but people who die, don’t leave us. Not really anyhow” she said hesitantly rubbing his arm. “just because we cant see them doesn’t mean they are not here”

“I miss seeing her” he continued.

“Oh but you can still see her”

“how”

“before you go to bed just think about her, then she’ll visit you in your dreams” Y/n spoke as if she was telling a fairy tale.

“really?” the boy’s eyes widened.

“really” Y/n confirmed “But you have to think really really hard”

“I’ll try” Charlie said having calmed down a bit.

“very well” Y/n said as she stood up, but Charlie’s voice stopped her.

“can you stay till I fall asleep?”

After that night, Charlie hardly left Y/n’s side and she felt much better with his company for she was sure if he wasn’t there keeping her on her toes all day she would fall into a depressive chasm induced by her husband’s absence.

On the rare moments he was home she tried to strike up conversation with him over breakfast or late at night when he came home and she was burdened by insomnia. But Tommy only humored her with a few short responses before excusing himself or turning to face the other side of the bed.

It wasn’t only the fact that he avoided her as much as he could, but he also made it a priority to exclude her at all times. She was never invited into family meetings or night’s at The Garrison so she thought it was a miracle when tommy didn’t oppose to her planning Charlie’s birthday party.

She invited only Tommy’s family which instantly warmed up to her, noticing what a good influence she was and Polly wanted to slap Thomas for the way he had been acting throughout his marriage to Y/n. Almost feeling guilty for getting her into this mess.

When the party ended Tommy shut himself in his office like he often did when he was at home and though he had never given Y/n a reason to believe she was welcome in there of all places, she found herself allowing herself in after putting Charlie to bed.

Tommy looked up as she entered and let out a sigh before turning his attention back to some papers he had been reading.

“I noticed you didn’t have any” she commented not letting his sigh deflate her as she laid a plate with a slice of homemade chocolate cake on his desk. “it’s really good if I may say so myself” she mused sitting down in a chair opposite to his as she dug in with a fork in her own slice.

“I don’t go in for sweets” he stated.

“Not even chocolate?” Y/n tried, but tommy didn’t answer, instead he just shook his head.

“I still think you should try it, it’s not overly sweet, and…”

“is there anything you need?” he interrupted bluntly a bit harsher than he would’ve liked.

His tone caught her off guard and when she couldn’t come up with an answer tommy again turned his attention back to his papers.

“I wish you could let me in” She softly confessed after a few tense seconds.

“Well I wish we hadn’t married but I guess things don’t always go the way we want them to go”

Tommy knew he had crossed a line by the silence that again settled into the room. He looked up at Y/n with her parted lips and misty eyes. They exchanged glances for a second but instead of allowing him to see her like that any longer, she stood up setting her plate on his desk and walked away, only allowing a few tears to drop by when she was out of the room and his sight.

After that she stopped trying to get closer to him. He still loved his late wife and she understood, people in grief never mean what they say after all, but his words stung nonetheless.

She stopped trying to wait for him at night to see if he had gotten home alright and during breakfast she only uttered polite good mornings.

One night however, Y/n was yanked out of a peaceful sleep by a loud crash. She was on her feet in no time and after checking into Charlie’s room to see if he was alright she cautiously ventured downstairs. A few incoherent mumbles filled her ears before her husband came into sight, fumbling with his coat to get it off.

“need help?” she asked earning his attention.

“I’m fine” he said finally taking it off but as he went to take a step to begin walking the floor under him moved and he lost his balance, his knees crashing loudly against the wooden floor.

Y/n offered him a hand and helped him up. He smelled of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands were shaky, consequence of the snow, no doubt. “let’s get you upstairs”

“I can do it on me own” he slurred letting go of her hand.

“stop being so stubborn” she derided, snaking one of her arms around his waist as she helped him upstairs.

Y/n helped him into bed, tookoff his shoes and went to the bathroom to fetch a small towel and some cold water.

She dampened the towel with the cold water before dabing it gently on Tommy’s forehead. His eyes never leaving her face as she did so, making her grow a bit nervous. She continued, trying her best to ignore it until she felt his hand softly caressing her cheek.

“You are beautiful” he rasped.

“Stop it, Thomas” she said feeling her cheeks grow red when she felt a bit sad that he had to be completely drunk to compliment her.

Even in his drunken state he seemed to notice he was making her uncomfortable so he held his tongue until Y/n laid in bed next to him after turning on the lights.

“I’m sorry” he interrupted the silence “For the way I’ve been acting” the whiskey and cocaine making him more vulnerable and open “I guess I was afraid that if I let you in then she would disappear”

He didn’t expect her to answer, but then her voice came in a soft exhausted tone“ I don’t intend to replace her. You don’t need to act all defensive and secretive. Even if it’s not what you wanted, we are married.”

“I Know” was all he said.

Y/n expected him to withdraw more from her after showing himself that vulnerable to her that night but she was wrong. He began arriving home earlier, sometimes even asking if he could come along on the walks she and Charlie so much adored going on. And Y/n finally felt her marriage was going somewhere maybe it wasn’t based on love yet, but it was something.

One day she was at the stables while Charlie was taking a nap. She had always adored horses.

“I didn’t know you liked horses” came Tommy’s smooth voice causing her to jump.

“You never asked” she smiled petting a black horse as he walked closer to her.

“We could go out for a ride, I’m sure Charlie wouldn’t mind letting you borrow his horse” Tommy offered as he too began to pet the horse, his fingers brushing against Y/n’s for a brief second.

“I’d love to, but I am afraid I don’t know how to ride, Tommy” she said, panicking for a second after having called him that. But she rested assured as soon as he spoke again.

“Well that can be fixed” he said opening the door of the stall and guiding the horse outside.

“You mean now?” Y/n asked with a laugh.

“Got something better to do?” he asked walking out of the stable with the horse. Y/n observed tommy as he prepared the horse. She had never seen him so gentle and calm before and she only realized she had been staring when Tommy directed his attention to her to ask her if she was ready.

“I think so” she said going to stand next to the horse wondering how the hell to climb up. But before she had any more time to think she felt Tommy’s hands on her waist giving her a push that allowed her to pull herself up on the animal. It was a good thing she had chosen to wear slacks that day, she thought.

“Goodness this is high” she said nervously looking down at Tommy when he began guiding the horse to move in a slow walk.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall” he promised repressing a mirthful tone at her nervousness.

He guided the horse with her around the property in the crisp evening air and Y/n allowed herself to relax with every step the horse took. Tommy’s presence made her feel safe and protected and she found it increasingly harder to look away from his figure. She wondered if he could feel her eyes on him.

When the sky began turning soft shades of purple and orange the pair returned to the stables. When the time came from Y/n to come down from the horse, tommy helped her again. Y/n began to love the feeling of him touching her and when her feet touched the ground in front of Thomas, he didn’t remove his hands from her waist right away and instead fixed his blue eyes on her, not wanting to stop looking at her.

She too fixed her eyes on Tommy as she felt a silent gasp in the base of her throat. That was the way she would’ve liked him to look at her on their wedding day. Tommy then leaned in, almost as if he were asking for permission before he tenderly pressed his lips to Y/n’s.

·

@captivatedbycillianmurphy @peakyxtommy @nyotamalfoy @writeroutoftime @babylooneytoonz @slytherinicequeen @lilymurphy03

[pinkpruneclodwolf]

The Many Facets of a Diamond— Cater D. And What It Means to be Disconnected.

Stole this off of twst wiki

"Researchers from Boston College looked at the effects of frequent moving at different stages of childhood and adolescence; their study included 19,162 people, who were examined from kindergarten through eighth grade. The researchers found that a move, especially in younger, elementary years, negatively affects cognitive skills and social skills, and increases emotional and behavior problems, creating setbacks and problems for students each time they’re forced to change schools." Teen Vogue on "Moving a Lot Growing Up Really Does Take a Toll."

I'm sure that there has already been a post detailing how switching from place to place as a child negatively impacted Cater and led him down the road of social media addiction thing is,,, I haven't dug around enough to truly find that post, but I swear I will pay homage.

Moving away from home is stressfullll and no matter how many times you get used to it there are times when you can't help but mourn the life you're leaving behind, the friends and even family. And with Cater's situation (up until NRC) he's been stuck with people who generally ignore his emotional well being in favor of projecting their ideal him......

Well,,,, you can't start over in real life but you can always delete an account in social media.

Of course Cater isn't the only social media obsessed boy on campus not as long as Ignihyde exists on NRC, especially with Idia having to well versed in technology due to his family lineage.

What separates him from Ignihyde and Idia is that Cater,,,,, I relate to Cater, my family and I moved around alot and as such I ended up disconnected from my peers to the point where I was adverse to the idea of making any, let's not even mention my mother telling me that "School is meant for learning, not making friends."

And with the ongoing pandemic,,,, making friends has gotten a whole lot harder.

Idia is coping from hisbrother'sdeath something completely different and he's more of a redditor than someone who passively scrolls through social media and just ignores the world.

This isn't about our trauma but Cater's.

Diamonds Are a Girls Best Friend— Cater's Homelife.

"Even though I'm the star, aren't my sisters having more fun than me?"

The way in which birthday personal stories give out information on a silver platter? Immaculate. Like the put their whole foot, shin, knee, thigh, and ass into those lil birthday stories, the material can lead this entire thesis alone.

I say that cause I'm lazy, but I did watch his personal stories/the personal stories he's involved in to get a feel for him while also reading some other Cay analysis' as well.

Everyone knows the basics about him— his dad works as a banker and due to this he and his family move every two years (as Cater says), and that his sisters and mother were very pushy about what they thought Cater wanted; I can only assume that the Father is emotionally distant because he only mentions what he does for a living not whether or not he also had a push for sweets.

Everyone also knows that he dislikes sucking up to his sisters, but he still states in his birthday personal story that: "if I said I didn't want it, they'd be down; I couldn't stand those [sad] faces."

"Difficulty identifying and fulfilling personal needs because the person is so used to caring for others; feeling inadequate and unworthy." Medical News Today on "Covert Incest."

I'm not trying to say that his mother and sisters have formed an emotional incestuous relationship outright but that I'm projecting my feelings onto Cater lmao.

We already established that Cay had moved around a lot which also negatively impacted him in the long run, however the invasion of privacy, projecting and parading him around like diamonds certainly have marks of covert incest.

Especially when it comes to difficulties setting boundaries and just being passive.

I heavily believe that culture, home environment, parenting, and such and such have an impact on one Unique Magic.

Just look at Riddle: due to his mother's strictness, heavily monitored lifestyle, and heavy expectations for greatness led his Unique Magic to develop at a young age; now I don't know if Unique Magics can evolve the same way quirks in mha do, but if they can't think about the fact that his UM will forever be beheading do to his mother.

Now look at Cater's UM, Split Card; he can split off into various clones and get things done efficiently is a pretty cut and dry analysis.

Then we look at his dislikes: sucking up to his sisters.

And then it all becomes clear— the entire point of cloning oneself is to have multiple 'you's in one place, oft times we wish that we could be in two places at once whenever we're in a pinch.

You catch my drift?

By Cater being able to make multiple hims, he can break off and have all his clones do the work—you see this in his Ceremonial Robes personal story, while his clone was with the first years and essentially being the life of the party he broke off to check his phone even stating that "I don't really care for the Ceremonial Party."

Which leads into my next facet:

Stained Teeth and Cavities— Cater D. And the Dynamic of Sweet and Sour.

"So, because I continued to force myself to eat [sweets] I came to dislike all things sweet." Cater on "What's Your Least Favorite Dish"

"It is striking that helpful and friendly people are considered ‘sweet’ because taste would seem to have little in common with personality or behavior. Yet, recent psychological theories of embodied metaphor led us to hypothesize that seemingly innocuous metaphors can be used to derive novel insights about personality and behavior,” said Dr. Meier. “Importantly, our taste studies controlled for positive mood so the effects we found are not due to the happy or rewarding feeling one may have after eating a sweet food.”

According to Dr. Robinson, “Our results suggest there is a real link between sweet tastes and pro-social behavior. Such findings reveal that metaphors can lead to unique and provocative predictions about people's behaviors and personality traits.” Science Daily on "People Who Have a Sweet Tooth Have a Sweeter Disposition."

Do you ever think about why people are usually surprised to hear someone doesn't like sweet? I'm sure not many have actively searched for a reason as to why but the knee-jerk reaction to someone not liking sweets always ends up saying, "You don't like sweets??"

When I found out that Sasuke (one of my first anime crushes) didn't like sweets, girl I freaked out, because I loved sweets and junk food (whenever food was low) always filled me up.

Mind you this was during the "not like other Naruto Ocs" where they put some of the most traumatic shit in their lil info dumps to match Sasuke as edgy levels measured how much that oc had their chances with duck booty boy.

This also has something to do with metaphors like: you're a sweet heart, sweetie, and things like that, by linking sweetness to someone's personality we perpetuated the idea that those who don't like sweets are more likely to be,,,, asocial and even meaner to some extent by using characters like Sasuke as vehicles for the "I don't care for sweets" brigade reinforces that stereotype.

Yes, it's actually normal not to like sweets and don't let anyone "you don't like sweets??" You into eating any.

However, the reaction to sugar and how people perceive those who like sugar are considered normal and those who don't are considered abnormal; Cater knows this especially, when he's in a dorm where eating sweets is practically in the diet, yeah Trey doodle suits it to another flavor in secret but that doesn't change the fact that he ate it.

I also want to analyze the second paragraph from "People Who Have a Sweet Tooth Have a Sweeter Disposition.", where it states that those who eat sweets exhibit more pro-social behaviors which leads more into Cater's personality.

In his Lab Coat personal story, mandrakes reflect a person's personality and reveals who a person is—when Cater's true personality shows through he tries his damndest to hide it because he sees that side of himself as unsavory

This is the same dude that tried to throw a party for Rosalia so that he could get test answers, the same dude that made a clone of himself in his gym personal story because he was nearly finished with his laps, the same dude that made the first years paint the roses for him was going to such great lengths to cover his hide.

I also believe that some of his actions also reflect how his sisters treated him, such as making others do the work for him (the first years painting the roses) . After all, it does state that Cater dislikes sucking up to his sisters meaning that his sisters use him whenever they want to get something done.

Go With the Flow, Don't Shake the Status Quo— Cater's Place in Heartslabyul.

"The diamond card symbol represents the autumn or fall season. It depicts the “growing” stage of a person’s life when he or she is working on his career. In a nutshell, the meaning of the diamond card is a representation of progress, commitment, ethics, and stability. This symbol represents the component of air." Adda52 Blog on "Card Suits and Symbolism"

I swear to God this is the last facet because I've deleted this whole post twice after getting to this point. This will basically be me concluding this whole analysis in the messiest way possible.

Buckle the hell up.

The reason as to why I started this whole thing is because he is a very misleading character, and twst en doesn't help with that when he basically just spouts internet slang (aave) into the void like its his last day on earth.

Nevertheless I chose him as my very first, serious, character analysis because I find him so fascinating.

And also because I wanna warm up for when I tear Trey a new asshole because that man is evil and I'm tired of yall playing malewife, uwu bilf (baker I'd like to fudge) like he doesn't associate with Rook and Jade on the regular bruh have some critical think skills—

Back to Cater—

The reason why I chose that sub title to conclude this is because I noticed that Cater doesn't play a dynamic part in Heartslabyul in a way that he does in Savanaclaw—yeah, you could say that it's to seamlessly transition into the next chapter and shift gears without being to jarring but....

While the main focus was on Riddle, Trey, and the first years the side focus was on Cater's silent development.

What I meant by Cater being a passive person is because of his card number— 4, satisfaction.

From what we've seen, Cater is satisfied with being on the back burner if it means that he can get what he wants in the end without having to put forth that much effort— Cater managed to convince Leona in the easiest way possible by tugging the right thread:

Leona's respect for women; we know that Cater is well traveled, this boy and his family have been moving around on an international scale, I'd say he's as well traveled as Rook Hunt and his family you can't tell me this man hasn't lived in Afterglow Savannah or somewhere with the same customs, go directly to hell if you think otherwise.

By understanding these fundamental customs he manages to use that excuse as to why he wants Leona to join him to celebrate Rosalia and get the test answers. Leona literally plays chest by himself he could've easily saw through Cater and declined but he didn't on the basis that (a woman, a painting, but a woman nonetheless) Rosalia did want to see him at the party.

Kalim was down to party either way if Jamil didn't pull through.

In his gym personal story when he realized he only had a couple last laps to go he used his UM and dipped off and if it weren't for Trey rat ass witnessing it and Riddle following after Cater would've gotten away with it.

As stated before, Cater didn't care for the Ceremonial Party but instead the pictures. This is a theme that comes back in the Halloween personal story where it dives deep into Cater's social media addiction—

"...If only that was all; Mixed with the new accounts, my comment section and DMs are full of old acquaintances, not just from middle school but classmates all the way from elementary school!"

"... With all those short transfers, we never stayed in one place for too long, so I met a load of people."

"From the best to the worst,,,among them they all had something in common: those places where I stood remain without me."

"...So, instead of being serious about everyone, I just wanna stay happy and casual with everyone!"

"Just have fun and play around like the world is just one big circus!"

"...That's why Magicam's the best. This acquaintance from three years ago just suddenly contacted me!"

"I get more and more casual and light connections y'know? Cay-kun's fave~."

This whole section is rife with insight into Cater's mind I don't understand why I'm making an analysis when I can drop this and begone.

We literally got into the meat of Cater's addiction— shallow connections.

Just look at the dynamic Trey, Riddle, and Cater have: Trey enables Riddle and Cater vibes on the sidelines, neither too involved or too distant, in fact he lags behind the two of them at times and this possibly reflects his relationship with his sisters.

While his sisters take all the spotlight, Cater is left in the background never too far or too distant yet he never actually interacts with them. We see Trey and Cater together a lot and they have their interactions but at the end of the day its shallow and never anything deep.

When the beheaded Heartslabyul student came to the both of them crying the both of them only took up the slack because they were asked to not because they wanted to.

Of course they've both been together (platonically) for 3 years, but that doesn't mean they know each other, if you get what I mean; as soon as they graduate they'll part ways and probably never talk to each other (face to face) again.

He knows this which is why he doesn't put forth the effort to involve himself.

"...But without deeper connections, I think that might actually be a lonely thing."

"...Nothing but lies."

"Lilia-chan, who's all about destined meetings and has always stayed and been able to build upon his relationships..."

"Could never understand my sinking nothing-can-be-done-about-it feelings."

I wanna touchdown on my previous statement about Savanaclaw and how this plays into Cater's development, he's more involved.

With Trey outta commission (which means he has time to plot and scheme like the rat he is), Cater is the one supervising Riddle, and he's surprisingly doing a great job at it.

Yall chalk it up to Riddle mellowing out I say that it ties into what Riddle thinks of him.

"Riddle never truly seems to get mad at [Cater] him."

Trey say your grace cause its over; now of course those bitter feeling still linger, but he's been holding these emotions in for 18 years you can't exactly break something like that so easily, not to mention that he can always regress back into himself after he graduates—character growth is never linear and it never happens over night.

His sisters have mellowed out and even ask him what he wants for his birthday— but does it truly matter to the real Cate?

At the end of the day he's still secretly sad boi hours he just hides behind the internet so that he doesn't raise any questions, because he's afraid of confronting what he really wants.

It mentions that the Diamond card suit symbolizes autumn and adulthood, a time when we stop wandering (childhood) and settle down into our homes (adulthood); its the preservation of what's truly necessary instead of the material (gworl).

Maybe that's what Cater really wants— deep connection and alone time with himself.

But that's just a theory

A Twst theory.

[muffindaddystyles]

Will mafia!h and Y/N will have babies? 🥺💓

IM SO SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS BESTIE BUT.... </3

39. " I'm not saying a goodbye."

It was raining. Skies a gloomy shade of cinereal. Harry’s sleek car came to a screeching halt infront of the vast threshold of his home -- his grin pearlish, eyes twinkling a spark as he gets out of the car not caring to close the door behind. He greets his staff and strides two steps together with a gorgeous bunch of his lovie’s favourite flowers now dewy with raindrops and his nose twitched upon sniffing the vanilla-y smell while passing the kitchen and with his beam never vanishing he leaned into the doorframe asking the people inside, “’Ave y'seen Y/N?” Only for them to shake their heads in uncertainty.

She hasn’t showed herself downstairs since morning and even though it’s very odd of her not to chirp around the mansion nobody went to knock at her door to inquire, they think she deserves privacy.

This time they should have because when Harry barged inside their room it was caliginous with curtains shut and lights dimmed to zero.

“Lovie?” His cheery voice clamoured against the walls, a sour feeling he couldn’t be aware of pinches him in throat as he bobbed his head around to look for her and it perked up when a shadow falls on his feet.

“Baby?” His smile quirked back onto his confused features and he narrowed his eyelids to take in her presence through the darkness of wardrobe, “Harry.” A shaky whisper floated towards him and before that sweet call she was falling against his chest.

“Y/N ... baby —-,” His stumped chuckle halted, his brain numbed for a moment when his fingertips brushed up her back to push her closer to him and they trembled as they collected the wetness there. His heart bleaks a stinging pain into it’s cords, his breath shuddered coldly, flowers falling sadly beside their feet and his eyes earths with tears of panic, angst and torment.

His fingertips coating in his love's thick blood.

“I –- ‘m .. you –.. you’re h-hu —- hurt,” He stammered through a whimper hand wrapping around the dagger whose half end’s stabbed into Y/N's spine, her weak frail body unresponsive though she could listen to him.

“Who did this to you! Who did this to you!?” His screams and cries startled everyone downstairs and they rushed up to see what’s happening, to be shocked by their sights of Y/N limp in Harry’s embrace.

He turned his neck to shout at them, “I need a hand t’help me!!” His eyes bloodshot and Niall his best-man scurried over to them as Harry carried Y/N and laid her on her tummy on the bed, he slips onto his knees putting his chin on the mattress to look in her hazy painful eyes -- tears caged in them but never flowing down.

“Harry ...” She mumbled grittily in agony lifting her shaky fingers to pet his face and like an affection starved kitten Harry doesn’t let her tire herself and gets closer to her himself, “Niall bring the first aid, it’s under the sink.” He commands him not letting his eyes drift from over her angelic face.

“You’re okay baby. You’re okay, I know how to stitch up knife wounds.” He sniffled sucking in a breath trying to be brave for her and she just smiled gorgeously, lips blue and cheeks draining out of her usual berry stain.

“Jesus. Harry she’s been stabbed thrice, those fuckers,” Niall’s words wavered in fear and sympathy for Y/N. He squeezed Harry’s shoulder as Harry sobbed upon hearing that, “No –-... no, no! It’s still okay yeah poppet? I’m g’na get y'alright.” He wanted to covers his eyes to block the hurting groans Y/N elicited and he cradled her soft face in his warm palms in comparison to her temperature, touching their temples to pray together.

“Harry li .. listen to —- to me,” She gasps eyes flittering over his shoulder towards Bambi and Thumper the two dogs that had gotten overly fond of her, Harry’s blurry gaze follows her enfeebled gesture for them to come near her.

They whined and howled sadly flopping beside Harry and Harry hiccupped into his elbow shaking his head when Y/N put her hand under their ears in effort to scratch them but wasn’t able to unfortunately, “Hi babies. You’re gonna look after dad after ‘m gone?” Everyone cried at that watching her soul leave their dull lives that watered colourful upon her arrival.

“Don’t say that! Don’t y'dare say that!” Harry sobbed rushing to hug her tightly, the front of his shirt loathing crimson and she hissed looping her arm against his neck when Niall pulled the dagger out from her lower spine gradually and slowly not to hurt her.

“’M so sorry baby, sorry for being the reason of y’pain.” His tears dampened her already sweaty crook of neck, “Pr – promise me t-that that you’ll have some —.. someone who lov‐-.. loves –--,” She whimpered. Her body jerked into him with a force and she pushed him weakly away to stitch her lips tenderly against his's.

“Tell me bubby. Ha—- have I loved y'enough?” She cooed into their kiss and Harry bolted his eyes shut, poisonous sobs wrecking out of his chest.

“Tell me before, I go ...” Her heartbeat started dropping insanely, her lips wobbled, toes curling with life excavating out of her, “Y'have. Y'have don’t go baby, I’m not saying a goodbye!” He cried showering her in kisses for the one last time and pets her hair, eyes closed praying she takes him with herself because he'd never recover from the pain of loosing the only person he loved more than himself, the person who made hum love himself.

“I love you ..” She whispered, her loving kind eyes locked against his’s and the pool of honey around her rims expanded, her lips parted around the gasping breaths and Harry begged and pleaded — a side of him no-one has ever witnessed as he twisted in anguish considering himself the unluckiest man on the earth for letting his lover go like this, in the worst possible way.

“I love you, I thought I’d never be capable of, y'made me worthy darling. I'll always love you baby....” He shrieked into her chest heaving her up gently to embrace her properly and even though he knew she was no more with him, he fooled himself into thinking so.

If it was possible he’d have clawed his ribs to pluck out his heart in return of hers and he felt like the sun and earth had crashed vanishing away the time spaces as he sat there crying and crying mourning the loss of his lovie that could never be healed by anything in this whole word.

He keeps on holding her, rocking back and forth as he lulls her to slumber of death.

It hurts. It hurts so bad.

His heart weeps.

His soul aches.

When rain stopped and that tranquil silence doomed over them, rage filled his every pore and vein.

He knew who did this. Harry has played dirty but he has never played unfair. It was this gang of companies who sabotaged and destructed the orphanages at the property which belonged to his mother (but the papers weren’t clear) to build restaurants and apartments there so Harry took revenge by burning acres of their illegal drug running underground factory and rebuilt the orphanages and took Y/N to one of their charity events.

She was the happiest he had ever seen her.

It’s like a gun barrel clicked in. A firecracker catching the fuse of ashe to burst everything into flames as Harry laid her with ever most tenderness and kissed her temple, her lifeless eyelids and her chapped lips.

Cleaned the streak of blood with his sleeve and didn’t wipe his tears away bashing out of the room, everyone stepped away as Niall lunged infront of him to stop him before he goes to cause damage to himself more than to them for being in such a vulnerable and weak state.

“Step away.” He growled angrily, gaze fiery and dangerous.

“No.” Niall sighed.

“I wouldn’t get her buried in sucha cold blood. She didn’t deserved this, hell nobody does.” Harry kissed his teeth together gripping at his hair ruthlessly, cheeks dry with tears, his limbs trembling, his head spinning.

“Anyone who wouldn’t follow my orders gets their kneecaps blow-off.” He grunted -- nostrils flaring and saying this he went away, snatching his guns from the console and ordered his men to find the security guards that had their duties at the main gates.

In just a day he hunted each of those monsters down like a hungry wolf and gave them such punished, tortured deaths that each one fell in Harry’s feet for his mercy but his heart was turned into a stone already because the only warmth it had there was because of one person and that person’s gone leaving him to survive in this hellhole alone while he dragged these bastards to the depths of firepits.

Once, coming back home to her. To his sunshine, to his soul and life, to his reasons of getting up every morning so he would get to spend time with her —- he broke down. Into shattered bits and pieces of remorse, guilt and sadness feeling himself so small and hurtable as he cried to himself all alone in their garden with no-one to console him where he’ll come to meet her daily.

He wants to rip his skin apart and set it on fire for his beating heart to stop, for it stop feeling.

He feels sick. Fainting, in urgency and desperation to hold his baby and never let go.

To lay down with her under the soil if that's possible.

his only reason to live.

His only beloved.

.

The wind giggles through pink leaves of cherry blossom tree, lush grass resting peacefully and Harry smiles to himself treading towards his two most favourite people in the world.

The spring being their heartiest month.

“Azalea! What y’chattering ‘bout t'mum?” He asks and nods proudly when his lil boy stands up from his cross position on the ground from beside his mother and brushes the grassy spikes from his cherry printed shorts with his little pudgy hands.

“My first day at school dada!” The four years old squeals and Harry scoops him up in his arms, kissing his cheek again amount less times, “Is that so, huh! huh!” He tickles his little bun.

Y/N was right. Isn’t she always. Harry chuckles. Even if she’s gone he still feels loved from her, she’s in the rains, in the sweaters he wears when he feels shallow, in the scent of his pillows, she’s in the vanilla smell of their favourite cupcakes – she’s in his dreams and that name of their son, Azalea.

She always wanted to name their first born Azalea, a blooming flower that happens to be a vibrant pink, a gift of spring, are floriferous in sunshine and she'd always say that Harry would be their sun.

Their ever source of happiness.

Azalea was three days old when his mother died and Harry took him home even though not sure of his own decision but something in those little eyes that matches his mommy made Harry’s heart attract towards him so much he brought him without another thought.

A home he built with Y/N. The curtains of the mansion still remains pushed back wide, flower vases on every furniture, not a day goes by when anyone doesn’t misses her and the ducklings has grown so much that Y/N would have been spinning in happiness around.

Nothing has changed, life’s fleeting for everyone except for Harry. He counts each day and night that goes without her beside him in his sleep, in the little picnics with Azalea and Niall, in the story reading at nights with his baby, in kitchen to watch the winters first rain prattling against that one window that’s old enough to carry the remains of his ancestors, she’s never there to share a noodle pot with him while he sits and eat alone, never there to patch his favourite socks back, to kiss his forehead whenever he leaves home, to call him sweet names and to laugh with him on his silly jokes, to do thumb fights, to get angry with him whenever he refuses to layer himself in cold.

Never.

Never physically. But, she’s always there in his heart, her presence lurks around him and he could feel the warmth of her wrapping around him whenever he falls asleep watching telly.

“What did y'learn today bubba?” He asks Azalea and grins cheekily when Azalea babbles, “Colours!”

“That’s fuckin’ amazin'!” At that a huge gush of breeze hits him in face a tiny branch of the tree they’re standing under falls on his head.

“Kay' kay fine! No cursing.” He squeaks in defence pouting down at the grave of his lovie and his face splits into a grin when his hair glittered up with cherry blossom leaves.

“We miss you very much,” His voice heavy and sad. He gulps chokingly and blinks away the glossiness, stroking a thumb up Azalea cheek who’s sitting in Harry’s lap.

Every evening they come to meet Y/N, the hole in his heart couldn’t fill up of her void but the soothing feeling of relief that she’s in their garden and nearer to him has lessened the grief.

“G’na meet you tomorrow, our baby’s mighty hungry.” He chuckles hearing the grumbling noises coming from Azalea’s belly.

“You’re so cheeky baby.” His eyes glimmers and he feels himself swooning into breeze, “How’s it going in heaven?” He asks airily tracing his initials beside her beautiful name engraved at the tombstone and it’s like she’s scolding him when he gets a nip on his pointy finger.

“Azalea kiss mommy a goodbye.” Harry breaks into laughter when Azalea bobs his head and almost tumbles of his daddy’s lap in the effort to reach the tombstone.

“Goodbye beautiful.” Harry whispers kissing the top of her tombstone and his heart bursts into lilacs when once again he’s showered into petal like leaves.

“I love you too, baby.” Finally he has accepted to say goodbyes.

[glassheartjukebox]

love letters

feat. ushijima

word count: 1.3k

“listen listen to my heart

that i only wanted you to know” - love letter

a/n: no content warnings, just pure fluff ! also a reminder that reblogs really help ! thank you guys sm for reading :D

the letters started about three months ago. you hesitate to call them “love” letters. “love” letters would indicate some sort of romantic prose, frilly stationary, and sweet declarations of love. the letters you receive are decidedly more... blunt.

the notes ranged from dry compliments such as “the school uniform suits you.” to borderline offensive remarks such as “did you do something different with your face? you look less tired today.” nonetheless, they had become part of your everyday routine. a blue sticky note with messy, slightly smudged ink and a blunt message.

after a month of notes, you decided to show them to your friends. as strange as the letters were, you never discarded them. they held a special place in your heart, often making you smile from the sheer absurdity. your friends immediately hounded you for not telling them about your “secret admirer” earlier. “that’s it, we need to catch him in the act,” your best friend declared, slamming her milk carton down on the lunch table. you rolled your eyes. “i don’t see the point,” you sighed, “he’ll tell me who he is when he’s ready.” this triggered a barrage of complaints about how boring that plan was.

to be fair, you had two reasons for allowing your admirer to stay anonymous. first and foremost, the chance of him being a creep was high. you had no desire to get your hopes up, thinking that he may be your dream man. secondly, you enjoyed receiving the little notes everyday. they’d become a part of your routine, something to look forward to. so, the notes continued to come uninterrupted for three more months.

the end of the semester was approaching, and break was right on the horizon. it dawned on you that this meant the end of your daily notes, which made you a little bit sad. the one you received this morning read, “i have very important business to attend to. it might be a little bit before you hear from me again. please wait for me.” that was the most he had ever written on a single post-it note. you rolled your eyes, secretly yearning for a way to wish him well on his endeavors.

after receiving the last note, you spent two days mourning the loss. there was nothing to break up the monotony now. you found yourself thumbing through the old notes he had gifted you. the most conventionally complimentary one by far had been “i like the shape of your lips, they suit your face very well”. it was the bare minimum, but it still had you blushing.

when friday, the third day without notes, arrived you were provided with a reprieve from your routine by the school. everyone was escorted out of class to attend a pep rally for volleyball interhigh qualifiers tournament. after all, volleyball was a big deal at shiratorizawa. both the men’s and women’s team stood tall on the school auditorium stage. the captain of the women’s team gave her speech first, but you found yourself zoning out and examining the men around you. your secret admirer was likely one of the fidgeting boys near you, looking hungrily at the women’s team as if they were pieces of meat. gross.

a deep voice broke you out of your reverie. the boy’s team captain had begun his speech. ushijima “ushiwaka” wakatoshi. the entire school knew who he was. the volleyball ace that repeatedly led the team to nationals. he had even been ranked in the top three aces in japan. ushijima stood well over six foot, with broad shoulders and a permanently stoic face. truth be told, he intimidated everyone. you’d had a few interactions with him, most of which happened at the beginning of the semester. a teacher asked you to tutor him for one english test. you met for three tutoring sessions, and during each he was quiet, polite, and apologetic for taking up your time. you found him much less imposing after seeing him hunched down in a desk too small for him, focusing on past tense verb translation.

after the rally had concluded, you were forced to return to class. shiratorizawa would begin their games at the interhigh tournament roughly two hours after school let out. you decided that maybe you would attend one or two of their matches if you could convince your friends to tag along. you honestly needed to get your mind off of the notes and your secret admirer.

you and a few of your friends were walking out of the school gates, preparing to visit some shops to bide the time before the game began when it hit you. you left your history textbook sitting in your desk. your history textbook that was full of notes crucial to the test you had on monday. you froze in your tracks and your friends turned, a little confused. “i have to go back, forgot my textbook,” you squeaked before taking off back towards the school building. you were screwed if the teacher had already left for the day and locked up the classroom.

grabbing the door handle, you were relieved to find it unlocked. what you were not relieved to find was a large figure bent over your desk and rummaging through your things.

“what are you doing?” you asked quietly, still in shock. consequently, the large figured managed the bump your desk in surprise, knocking it over and spilling the contents everywhere. you rushed to help clean it up on impulse. you were only able to recognize the figure in the dark classroom once you were up close. “ushijima?” you said incredulously. this entire situation was giving you a headache. he just nodded at you. you continue to haphazardly shove the contents of your desk back in when your hand landed on a small, blue sticky note. ushijima’s hand flew out to catch it but it was too late.

“my dearest y/n, the apple of my eye, the holder of my heart, fire of my loins, the most wonderful person i have ever laid my eyes on. you looked positively beautiful today, scrumptious even. how could anyone resist your charms? i find myself falling madly, deeply in love with you everyday. sincerely, with much love, your secret admirer.” the blocky handwriting juxtaposed the flowery diction of the note. furthermore, someone had drawn little red hearts around the perimeter of the letter. this was… very different than usual.

ushijima was also very different than usual. he was quickly losing his usual composure. his face was bright red and sweat gleaned on his brow. you looked up at him awestruck and confused.

“i’m sorry for the inconvenience,” his voice cracked, “but tendou had me write this love letter after he found out i had been sending a girl notes. he drew the hearts as well. i did not realize he was joking until after i had slipped it in your desk. i came back to retrieve it before you could see it. i’m sorry again.”

you were at a loss for words. “it was you sending the notes the whole time?” you stated the obvious. ushijima simply nodded.

“but why?” you asked, still struggling to process all of this. “i found you very attractive when you tutored me. i wanted to express my affection without drawing extra attention to you or pressuring you to return my feelings. sorry again.” he stood, preparing the walk out the room. your body moved on its own as you stood as well, grabbing his wrist.

“i didn’t know it was you,” you whispered, “but i’m really glad it was.” you leaned up to kiss his cheek, causing him to flush an even deeper shade of red.

ushijima stared back at you, a rare smile adorning his features. “now go, you’re going to be late for your own tournament,” you teased, still quite bashful over the entire situation.

“before i do,” he paused and dug through his bag, “would you want to come to the match wearing this tonight?” he held out his spare volleyball jacket, adorned with his name and number.

needless to say, you accepted. in that moment, you knew you’d be attending volleyball games than you expected.

©glassheartjukebox all written content belongs to this user. do not repost, modify, or copy content

[pufflyhallows]

Getaway

Gif not mine

Pairing: Fred Weasley x reader

Summary: Business is going bad after the war and Fred is not feeling so great, so you decide to cheer him up with a special trip.

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, smut, language, tiny tiny bit of angst, still fluffy tho

a/n: this is my FIRST smut EVER so... be nice? also, Fred fucking LIVES bc I’m in denial forever lol

Word count: 4,3k

********

You wanted to surprise Fred.

He had been feeling down lately. Ever since he and George reopened the shop after the war, things had been a little tough. The movement was still quite slow, given the fact that people were still recovering from the war, mourning their lost ones and starting new lives. It was a difficult time for everyone, and of course it affected Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes as well.

What ached your heart the most was the fact that there wasn’t much you could do to help him. Every day you watched as he took longer to get out of bed in the morning, how he sounded slower and quieter when talking to you and, the worst part, how he acted quite mechanic when doing his chores around the shop, the same ones he enjoyed so much in the past and had always gotten done with a bright smile on his face. And although he never stopped caring for you or being loving to you, the bedroom had become… inactive. And you missed it. You missed being intimate with your boyfriend, but every time you tried to initiate it, he would softly decline, claiming to be too tired. You believed it. You could see he was indeed exhausted. And not only physically, but mentally too. Perhaps the latter was actually the one weighing more.

George, however, was quite the opposite. He kept his optimism high and was always the first to wake up every morning, excited with the new day and new possibilities. He would often go out and promote the shop, talk to people and sometimes even manage to bring a customer in.

This big difference between them worried you. No, you did not expect the twins to act the same, but you hoped in secret that Fred would follow his brother’s steps and cheer up a bit.

Cheer up. Yeah. That was exactly what he needed. And what better way to cheer up someone than a surprise trip? That’s how you were going to take his mind off of work. With Hermione’s help, you planned a very romantic weekend trip out of town. You talked to George beforehand, of course, but he assured you he could take care of the shop by himself for two days. He agreed Fred needed this.

“It’s not like we’re getting many customers anyway,” he had said.

So, as Friday approached, you felt the excitement building up. You managed to act completely nonchalant around him, making sure he didn’t suspect a thing. It wasn’t a big, expensive hotel because you knew he would worry about money and that was the opposite of what you wanted for this trip. Hermione had helped you pick a small, comfy hotel that was quite charming and fit your pocket perfectly. You wanted to make sure Fred felt loved, cared for and relaxed. There was also a little extra surprise inside your suitcase that you really hoped he would like…

What you didn’t know was that Fred felt guilty. He reckoned he hadn’t been the boyfriend you deserved lately, but he couldn’t help it. The stress was almost eating him alive and his mind was always wandering back to the shop, worrying about its future. You had been so kind and patient with him, he knew you deserved better than that. The whole thing was snowballing and sometimes he couldn’t see it ending.

That Friday, when you got home from work, the shop was still open and there was actually a customer inside, talking with George. You felt relief wash over you, because you knew what that meant: Fred was probably in a good mood.

You walked straight to the flat, not daring to interrupt George, but you stopped in the middle of the stairs to watch. He was speaking with such enthusiasm, showing and explaining his products to the young boy, that it filled you with pride. You caught his eyes for a brief moment and noticed the smallest of smirks appear on his lips. Smiling back, you nodded at him. Fred was nowhere to be seen, though, so you went upstairs.

There was a delicious scent coming from the kitchen. The older twin was there, cooking. You smiled to yourself at the sight. His favorite The Weird Sisters record was playing somewhere in the flat, adding a familiar, comfortable feel to the whole scene. Fred’s back was facing you while he chopped… carrots? on the counter. He didn’t seem to notice your presence just yet, so you took advantage of that. Placing your bag on the nearest chair, you walked in quiet steps towards your boyfriend. The fresh mint aroma coming from him meant he had probably just showered. Oh, and how you missed showering with him.

You couldn’t refrain your smile from growing even bigger once you noticed Fred’s body was swinging from side to side, so imperceptibly that you almost missed it. Carefully, you wrapped your arms around him from behind, resting your cheek on his back. You felt him tense up for a mere second before realizing who it was. He soon relaxed, letting go of the knife and placing his clean hand on yours.

“Didn’t hear you coming in,” he stated, voice low and raspy.

You hummed in response and placed a soft kiss on the nape of his neck. Fred turned around and briefly met your lips with his.

“It’s gonna take a while. Why don’t you go take a bath?”

“I will,” you nodded, running your hand from his chest to his shoulder and squeezing it gently. “How was your day?”

He shrugged. “Okay.”

“Okay”, you repeated. “Well, I hope I can make it better. I have a surprise for you after dinner.”

“A surprise?”

“Yes. I have an idea of how we can spend your days off.”

“Hm… Making plans already, are we?”

“Very good plans, yes. But you’ll have to wait until dinner.”

“Or you could tell me right now so I won’t have to.”

“But where’s the fun in that?”

You smirked and gave him another peck on the lips before rushing off the kitchen and leaving your boyfriend to his curiosity and imagination.

The warm bath made you think about a lot of things and you came to realize you were very lucky. The war was over and there you were, taking a bath in your boyfriend’s flat, the person you loved the most in the world. So many people lost their loved ones, their homes, their entire lives in that war. You knew you had many reasons to feel happy and should not take them for granted. Life was good for you right now, and you acknowledged it, promising to yourself that you were going to enjoy it the best you could, with Fred by your side.

George joined the two of you for dinner, which turned out to be the best you had in months. Not because of the food, although it was perfect, but because it felt like everything was back to normal, like all the meals you had shared before the war. Maybe it was the idea of a day off and the mention of a surprise from you, but you could see that Fred was already less gloomy or aloof.

After the meal, as if sensing you wanted to reveal your plans to Fred, George excused himself to his bedroom, claiming he still had to finish some work. You wished him goodnight, not missing the discrete wink he gave you.

“So…” you started, watching as Fred emptied his glass of pumpkin juice. “Remember when I said I had an idea on how to spend your days off?”

“Oh, yes. The surprise.”

“Well… I figured you could use a little rest from everything, so I made a reservation at a very nice hotel for the two of us to spend the weekend at.”

“You what?” Fred asked, a small smile starting to grace his lips.

“The portkey is set for our departure at 10 a.m. tomorrow.”

“But-”

“Nope. No buts,” you shook your head. “I have already packed our bags.”

“Y/N, doll, I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell me I’m amazing, the best thing that ever happened to you, an angel sent from heaven…  Something humble like that.”

Fred chuckled, that contagious sound you missed hearing so much. “You’re amazing. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, a true angel sent from heaven.”

“I know! We’re gonna have so much fun,” you smiled excitedly, clasping your hands together.

“What exactly are your plans for us, though?” your boyfriend questioned, curiosity dripping from his lips.

“Oh, you’ll find out once we’re there.”

“The surprise doesn’t end here, I see.”

“Exactly. I have everything planned, baby.”

The look in Fred’s eyes seemed to indicate he had an idea of what you had planned, but he did not say a word about it. He would like to see the surprise reveal itself in the right moment. He wasn’t going to spoil your plans in any way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You always had your doubts when it came to ads, but this time you had to admit this was spot on. The hotel looked exactly like its pictures and descriptions.

“Mr. and Mrs. Weasley?” the receptionist asked as soon as you stepped in the lobby.

It was something so small, so simple, but it made your heart flutter and stomach fill with those restless butterflies. Mrs. Weasley. Were you ever going to become that? You wondered if Fred even noticed the little misunderstanding.

“Um,” you cleared your throat. “Actually, it’s just one Weasley. Fred Weasley. I’m Y/N Y/L/N.”

Your slight flustered manner didn’t go unnoticed by Fred. Despite the obvious nervousness, he thought it was rather cute. In fact, he liked to hear you be called that. Perhaps he should do something about it…

“Oh, I apologize. Mr. Weasley and Miss Y/L/N,” the receptionist corrected herself as she checked the reservation’s book. “You’re right on time, your room is ready for you. I just need your wands for ID confirmation before I give you your key.”

Both of you handed your wands to the young woman behind the desk and she did as she was supposed to. Sooner than you had anticipated, you were in the lovely suite you had reserved.

Fred placed the small handbag on the bed – blessed be the extension charm, that’s all you had to carry for that trip – and walked around the room curiously. You went straight for the big window and opened the curtains. There it was. The view you had seen on the ad and that had made you instantly choose this hotel.

“Fred,” you called softly, looking behind you. “Come see.”

Your boyfriend let go of the catalog on the nightstand and approached you, eyeing the outside in awe.

“Wow,” he breathed. “It’s beautiful.”

“Isn’t it?”

When making the reservation, you were met with the question: would you like a room with view to the street/village or to the beach? And you chose the beach, although the village was a lovely sight. Now, seeing Fred’s reaction, you were absolutely sure you had made the right choice.

The hotel was in a small village where both wizards and muggles lived. With a little help from magic, the wizards could go unnoticed and the muggles lived everyday life without a single clue of the existence of such peculiar neighbors. The beach was right behind the village, and your room being in the back of the hotel, you had a wonderful privileged view of nature’s beauty.

“Wanna go down there?” you asked.

“What’s in your plans?” he asked back, switching his gaze from the window to you.

“Beach,” you replied with a small smile. “Basically the entire day at the beach, lunch at a muggle restaurant down there too. But dinner here.”

“I’ll follow your script, doll.”

Fred placed his hand on your waist and pulled you closer, pressing his lips ever so gently on yours. You instantly let go of the curtains so you could run your fingers through his soft hair. The light fabric fell back to its place, covering the windows again and leaving the room a little darker than before. Fred’s gentle kiss wasn’t so gentle anymore.

No, not yet.

You broke the kiss and pulled back, biting your lip as you started to feel that you might not be able to wait until the right time for your surprise.

“I’m starving,” you whispered against his lips.

“Me too,” he pulled you closer again.

“Let’s go, then.” You managed to get out of his embrace and grab the handbag before heading to the bathroom to change into your bathing suit.

A hungry Fred was left standing by the big window.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been hard.

It had been hard seeing you in so little clothing, dripping wet, skin glistening as droplets of water reflected the sunlight. But Fred managed.

All he had in his mind every time he saw you leaving the water was how he wanted to take you then and there. He had to distract himself from those thoughts, paying attention to what you were saying but not too much to your moving lips. He knew you had something planned and he was appreciative of how much effort you had put in this weekend for him. That was the only reason he wasn’t indulging to his not-so-pure thoughts.

Lunch was a good distraction too, specially since you had to convince a muggle child she had imagined it when she saw Fred stop his falling fork mid-air.

Now, as the two of you walked hand in hand back to the hotel, he wondered if he was going to be rewarded for the self-control test he had just passed. You were humming a song as you observed the houses, trying to guess which ones were muggles and which ones were wizards.

“What’s next?” he asked.

“Dinner!” you answered excitedly. “But, if I were you, I wouldn’t go overboard.”

“Why, if I may ask?” but Fred already suspected why.

“Well… there might be plans for after dinner as well.”

Fred held your hand tighter and pulled you towards the hotel in a faster pace. You chuckled, feeling the excitement grow bigger and bigger.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dessert?” the waiter asked as he took the empty plates from your table.

“No, thank you,” Fred replied before you had the chance. “We’re calling it a night, aren’t we, sweetheart?”

“Actually,” you smirked at your boyfriend before looking at the waiter. “I’d like chocolate pudding, please.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

As soon as the waiter left, Fred gave you a look.

“What?” you asked nonchalantly.

“I thought you said we wouldn’t go overboard.”

“I’m not going overboard. I had a small plate,” you shrugged.

“Right,” Fred sighed, bouncing his leg under the table.

When your chocolate pudding came, you grabbed the spoon and took a small amount to your mouth. Fred watched your every move, arms crossed and brows slightly furrowed as he saw you slowly lick the spoon. You pretended you didn’t know he was watching, eyes on the tiny bowl in front of you, and you mouthed another spoon, unintentionally getting pudding all over your lips.

Your boyfriend gulped as he watched you run your thumb over your lower lip, getting rid of the chocolate there, and gently suck on it.

“For fuck’s sake, Y/N,” he mumbled.

“Hm?” you looked at him innocently.

“Just eat the damn thing.”

“You want some?” you raised the spoon at him.

“Yes, I want some.”

You felt your cheeks burn just a little bit with his remark, heart begin to race as the ideas for what you wanted to do to him tonight started to flood your mind.

“If you wait patiently, you might get what you want,” you teased, looking back at the bowl and already serving another spoon, which you quickly brought to your lips, licking all the content off of it.

Fred shook his head, one corner of his lips going upwards ever so slightly, eyes glued on you.

“You sure you don’t want to taste it?” you offered again, lips glistening as you cleaned them with your tongue.

“I will taste it,” his eyes pierced through your body and suddenly the hotel was too hot.

You had barely served the last spoon of pudding when Fred stood up and let the waiter know you were headed to the room.

“I haven’t finished yet,” you protested and he immediately took the last spoon from your hand and into his mouth.

“Now you have,” he said as he pulled you from the chair.

The way back to the suite felt much longer than it actually was, but as soon as you reached the door, Fred’s lips were on yours. You had trouble to get the key with your boyfriend’s hands all over you, pulling your body hard against his.

“Fred,” you breathed, stepping back. “There’s another surprise.”

Before he could say anything, you unlocked the door and went inside.

“Sit down,” you slowly pushed him to the bed. “And close your eyes.”

Fred complied with no protests, but you could see he was getting flustered, probably guessing what was coming.

You blew out most of the candles illuminating the room and left only a few to create the romantic atmosphere you wanted. You went to the bathroom and changed into the expensive lacy lingerie you had bought for this exact occasion. It was red, a color you had learned Fred was very fond of when it came to this kind of clothing, and had one small, delicate bow right between your breasts.

“Are your eyes closed?” you asked from the bathroom, hand on the doorknob.

“Yeah,” you heard in response.

“No peeking ‘til I tell you to,” you warned.

“…‘kay.”

You opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom. Fred was still sitting on the bed, one leg bouncing impatiently, and a slight frown between his eyebrows.

Slowly, you approached the bed and stood right in front of him.

“Open your eyes,” you whispered.

As soon as he did, Fred sucked in a shaky, quiet breath. He eyed you from head to toe, not hiding his astonishment.

“Baby,” he mumbled in a deep voice, already feeling his pants get a little too tight as his eyes still traveled through your entire figure.

“Do you like it?” you asked.

“Mm-hmm,” he nodded, biting his bottom lip.

“Good,” you smiled, placing your hands on each of his shoulders. “Now let me show you how proud I am to be your girlfriend.”

Your lips met Fred’s in a slow, deep kiss as you climbed the bed and straddled him, your arms thrown around his neck. Fred let out a soft moan when he felt your weight against his lap, his hands going up your back, fingertips sending shivers down your spine as they searched for the bra clasp. However, you stopped them and placed them back on your hips.

“Not so fast,” you whispered against his lips.

Before he could protest, you kissed him again, now pushing him all the way back to lay down on the bed. Hovering above him, you started pulling up his shirt, which he quickly got rid of for you. You chuckled. Maybe you weren’t the only one who had missed this.

Now that you had free access to his torso, you began to place soft, wet kisses on his neck, slowly moving down to his chest and stomach, painfully taking your time.

You could feel Fred’s breathing get deeper and deeper as you kissed his abs, working your way down to his pants. Once there, you stopped the kisses for a brief moment, so you could focus on getting rid of that piece of fabric. Again, Fred quickly helped you out until you were both just in your underwear.

The sight sent goosebumps through your body and you inevitably bit your lower lip. He was already so hard, you felt the anticipation building up inside you.

You decided to torture him for a little bit – just a little bit – and carried on with the kisses, not taking off his underwear quite yet. However, Fred’s impatience was growing and he didn’t think he would manage to wait for too long. His hand found your hair and he started stroking it, running his fingers through it, a disguised way to guide your head to where he needed you the most. You realized his intentions, but you did not stop him. You let him take you where he wanted and soon your lips found his still covered length.

“Shit, Y/N.”

You smirked.

Slowly, you started pulling down the last piece of clothing until you completely freed him. He was so beautiful. You still had a silly smile on your face as you ran your tongue all the way up from the base to the tip, where you placed a gentle kiss. Fred’s soft moan reached your ears, a beautiful sound that made you even more wet.

You took him in your mouth and started sucking the tip in a slow, teasing pace, while your hand loosely stroked him. You didn’t want him to cum yet. You wanted him to last. And you were going to make him last.

Fred’s hand never left your hair, and he began to slightly pull it, asking for more. He needed more.

“Y/N,” he moaned. “Y/N, please.”

You ignored him and kept going in that insanely slow pace, taking your time. What was the hurry?

You heard a low groan, and felt him move his hips against you. You stopped.

“Behave yourself, Weasley.”

“Baby… Please.”

You smirked again, giving him one last stroke, and you let go of him.

Fred looked at you in a way you hadn’t seen in a while. His eyes were dark, full of pure lust. But also desperation and discontent with the sudden lack of touch.

You crawled on the bed until your face was right above his, and you kissed him. It was a deep, passionate, hurried kiss between two people who were eager for each other. This time, you didn’t stop Fred’s hands from going up your back and unclasping your bra. He took it off and you quickly felt his left hand on your right breast, squeezing it. His right hand, however, was going up and down your side, sending shivers through your bare skin. He rested it on your waist for a little bit before going down to your ass and squeezing it tightly. You moaned against his lips, your own impatience growing.

You only stopped the kiss to get rid of your panties, the last piece of fabric separating you from him.

Fred watched as you got off of him and started to pull it down your smooth legs. He could feel his cock throbbing at the sight of your completely naked body. You were breathtakingly, heart-racingly beautiful. He loved the lingerie, he really did, but he loved your body a thousand times more. And he would never get tired of looking at it.

When you straddled him again, skin to skin now, he thought he would cum right then and there. You smiled at him, that beautiful smile that never changed, and kissed him one more time. Fred placed his hands on your waist, squeezing it gently, as if to encourage you. Not wasting another second, you guided his tip to your entrance and slowly sank down on him, allowing him to get all the way inside you, quite easily given how wet you were.

“Oh fuck, baby,” he moaned.

Letting out your own whimpers, you placed your hands on his chest and started riding him, still slowly, still teasingly. Fred’s moans soon turned into groans, complaints. He was getting tired of the teasing, he was already on edge. He couldn’t take it anymore. With a swift move, Fred shifted the both of you so now he was on top. He started thrusting into you, quite roughly, earning a loud approving moan from you.

“Fred,” you gasped, digging your nails into his shoulders.

He kept going, pounding harder and harder, moaning as he did so.

You started kissing his neck, biting, sucking, anything that would leave a mark.

“Yes, baby,” you cried out as he thrusted even deeper.

The bed was making a discreet creaking sound that you weren’t sure if the people in the other rooms could hear. You hoped not, but honestly? Right now you didn’t care. The sound of Fred’s heavy breaths, moans, groans and whimpers were all you were paying attention to. Beautiful sounds that had the power to shut down anything else in your mind.

The rhythm he had created was sending you to heaven with every motion. His lips soon found your own again and he kissed you as if he hadn’t done it just minutes before.

“Fuck, Y/N. I’m close.”

“Me too.”

As you felt your body tense, Fred came inside you with a low groan, slowing down just a tad bit. He kept thrusting, however, knowing you were about to reach your climax too. And not long after him, you felt a wave of pleasure wash over you, and your body relaxed completely.

Both of you were panting against each other’s neck, your arms still loosely around his shoulders as he slowly pulled out and collapsed on top of you.

Hugging him more tightly, you felt Fred leave small kisses on your neck, and you closed your eyes, enjoying the extra-tingly sensation. You started to run your fingernails up and down his back, the other hand caressing his hair.

If you concentrated hard enough, you could hear the waves crashing on the beach, the giggling of children playing down there, and the muffled music coming from the muggle restaurant. You felt so at ease.

After a long moment of peaceful, comforting silence, Fred looked up and smiled. “I love you so much.”

You smiled back. “I love you too.”

Not bad for round one.

********

[gilly-bj]

Why the “Eremika kiss” doesn’t affect Rivamika at all

In the new chapter, we saw for the first time something that we didn’t expect to happen in the manga: a kiss, between Mikasa and (dead)Eren, probably not like we all imagined. This kiss hit everyone hard, also the Eremika shippers, who weren’t very happy with the fact that Eren was already dead when Mikasa kissed him. Eremikas unfortunately weren’t the only ones sad, also lots of Rivamikas had this feeling and, I was one of them.

When the chapter came out and I saw Mikasa kissing Eren, I literally crashed (windows.exe stopped working); my whole body stopped working and the only sensible thought I could elaborate was: “Wait, WTF!”. After I scraped together that quantity of calm that could make me, at least, sit down, I started to write posts that I’ve already eliminated, so don’t look for them because I made them disappear, because my opinions changed radically.

Quick note for you guys from your G: in these cases, don’t write immediately what you’re thinking in that exact moment. I was incredibly frustrated, so the posts I wrote were full of complaints. I didn’t analyzed the kiss from other prospectives, because for me it was only the “eremika kiss”. Remember to wait at least the traduction of the chapter, official or not; you’ll have enough time to reflect on it and elaborate opinions lucidly.

Anyway, in this post I’ll talk about three things:

Eremika’s conversation and Mikasa’s dream

The kiss and why it doesn’t affect Rivamika

Final considerations about RM

The subheadings are written in their own special colour, so if you’re not interested in one of them, it will be easier to find the other.

Let’s start!

• Eremika’s conversation and Mikasa’s dream.

Mikasa has an headache and she wake up in her ideal world, where she lives with Eren in a isolated cabin in the woods. This chapter is from Mikasa’s pov, and note that her perfect image of home is again showed, probably for the last time. I think that Mikasa’s feelings for Eren were kinda obvious, apart from the fact that I never liked or supported them, they are here and we can’t do anything against them.

But I’ve never imagined to see that kind of selfish dream from Mikasa; she is the girl who always cares for everyone, the one who is ready to sacrifice herself for the well-being of her friends, the one who loves them and support them independently from the situation. To be honest, it hurts to see that in her dream, Armin isn’t with them; if there wasn’t Levi, my shipper heart would have hurt but I’d understand, they aren’t so close yet, but Armin, they’ve grown together.

But I’m not mad at Mikasa, each of us has a selfish dream deep inside, where we’d rather sacrifice others to save our special person; it doesn’t mean that we don’t love them, it’s just, if we’d have to choose, we’d prefer to keep safe only him or her. Let me explain better my point with an example: imagine a man who lives in a country at war; he has the possibility to save just two people and he has to choose between his wife and daughter or his parents. He would probably save his wife and daughter, but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love his parents. Choosing between the people we love is the most painful thing in the world, but sometimes we just have to do it, and in Mikasa’s case, she’d choose Eren.

Anyway, before talking about the conversation, I want to analyze a little detail: during her all dream, Mikasa and Eren are in their teen form, why? Well, my interpretation is that Mikasa is still in love with the old Eren and she can’t understand the new one, indeed, one she said: “I’ll bring the old Eren back”. Even if she doesn’t completely understand him, she still loves him, and that’s why I adore Mikasa.

Anyway, let’s analyze better their conversation:

Eren wakes Mika up and he states their situation in that moment, how they ran away leaving the others to their cruel destiny. Now, do we all agree how that doesn’t fit Eren’s character, at all. His most famous line is “Fight if you want to win”, which it shows how brave he is; if he’d run away with Mikasa, he would act like a coward, and he can’t accept cowardice.

And here, Mikasa’s biggest regret: the answer she gave to Eren; remeber when she said: “If only I gave him another answer”, and in her dream she probably did: thanks to Eren’s words, we can assume that Mikasa told him to run away with her, to leave everything, probably what she wanted to answer in the reality. I interpreted that scene from chapter 123 like a Mikasa who couldn’t answer because taken by surprise, and then came up with a thing she didn’t mean who is still harassing her.

Let’s say that the Eren in the previous panels was Mikasa’s idealized version, but then something changes. Look at Eren’s face:

The marks. And why did they appear casually? Because, this is the true Eren, the one they are going to kill, the one who wanted to give his probably last message to Mikasa, and in fact the most important part of the conversation: “Please...Mikasa, forget about me”. At this point, I really don’t understand what the Eremika shippers found romantic in this chapter, the fact that the last thing Eren said to Mikasa is “forget about me” made things clear enough. We can notice that Eren entered her dream by the falcon here, funny that Mikasa is actually flying on Falco right now.

I really started to appreciate Mikasa and Eren’s relationship thanks to this chapter; even if I wasn’t, and I am not, a big fan of the Eremika ship, thinking about their relationship made me a bit sad. Anyway, I love the fact that Eren wanted to tell this to Mikasa, I think he deeply want her to live a life without him, because he’s already understood that they have different life goals, different way of thinking, different natures.

Before skipping to the next point, I noticed that many Rivamika shippers’ve already talked about the similarity between Eren and Levi in some of the panels, I’m not going to dwell because I‘ll write a different post about it, but I wanted to say that it can’t be just a coincidence, Levi and Eren’s haircuts are very different and there’s no way to confuse them. I don’t know why Isayama did this; maybe it’s a foreshadowing, or maybe he just wanted to trol us (it’s always him), I’ll just wait patiently April to see if my assumptions are right 😌

• The kiss and why it doesn’t affect Rivamika at all

Ah this kiss, this damn kiss. Uff, let me sit down and let’s talk about it.

So, Mikasa decides to kill Eren and she enters his mouth thanks to Levi’s help. The first thing she sees is Eren’s head, and I think we should already stop and analyze better this moment.

Look at his expression: he seems kinda... happy and, maybe also proud. Why? Because Mikasa finally decided to do the right thing, she chose Humanity, she sacrificed him, the person she loves the most, for the others. That’s her development. Even if she’ll never forget him, she chose to be selfless over selfish, and I’m glad she decided to remember Eren; it’s awful to forget to ones we loved in the past, we shouldn’t forget them, after all, they made us feel beautiful things, thanks to them we gained fantastic memories, why should we completely remove them from our life? Feelings can change, they will change, and Mikasa will change her romantic feelings towards Eren, it’s simply natural, but asking her to forget him is cruel; Levi won’t forget his dead friends, Armin won’t forget his grandfather, Eren won’t forget his mum, and it’s beautiful this way.

Now, let’s get into the spicy of this post: the kiss. Let me the transform in a love specialist (I’m nobody XD). I really don’t see anything romantic in it. Really, is probably the most tragic and sad among Eremika’s interactions because it shows how Mikasa’s feelings have never been reciprocated; she already tried to kiss him, in season 2, and he “rejected” her (that wasn’t a explicit reject but, if I’m not wrong, he didn’t try the Coordinate before so he didn’t know if it worked, he preferred to risk his life instead of kissing her. Actually, that’s also Eren’s personality), and now, yeah she managed to kiss him, but he was dead, he couldn’t kiss her back, couldn’t say anything, couldn’t reject her. I think that at this point, Mikasa already knew Eren wasn’t in love with her, she isn’t stupid, and she saw that kiss as a way to set herself free completely, to close a chapter of her life.

Another thing: I really don’t understand how can EM shippers say that Eremika is canon just because they kissed, sorry, Mikasa kissed him?? A simple kiss doesn’t make a couple canon, you have to analyze the feelings behind it. Why many of them can’t simply analyze a bit the story? Just, a bit...

• Final considerations and Rivamika

When I saw many Rivamika shippers being so happy about this chapter I really couldn’t understand, like “why are they happy if Mikasa literally kissed Eren?”. Well, at first I was very confused, the posts I read made me feel relieved, but... I wasn’t 100% convinced yet, because I was listening only to what the others said, I didn’t have my own opinion. I could see only the kiss (as a negative thing), and not all the foreshadowings we got in this chapter.

I have a certain theory but I will write a separated post about it, here, let’s discuss why that kiss isn’t a problem for us RM shippers. So, my biggest fear was that Mikasa’d live her all life mourning Eren and wouldn’t open herself to someone new, not necessarily Levi lying. Anyway, like I said before, please don’t stress yourself with rushed considerations, it’s just useless. I think that the kiss acted like as a springboard for Rivamika; like I said before, I interpreted it as a way to set herself free completely, to not have regrets because obviously, it was a thing that Mika wanted to do. Levi’s extreme care for her in this chapter, his determination when he saw that she ready to do this such painful thing made me... fly. They fought together until the end showing for the last time their chemistry and fantastic dynamic. Their interactions in this chapter were really special and I hope that there’ll be more in the future, maybe not only as a team;)

In conclusion, I loved this chapter so much, I can consider it as my favorite because, it gave me chills, for real.

I’ll start to work on my theory so yeah, this post isn’t ended yet lol. Stay tuned because there, I’ll talk only about RM so it will be... maybe more interesting from a shipper’s view. Tell me what you think about this in the comments 💜!

[sappy-seresin]

left behind (j.m)

A/N: This imagine is based off of the song “All My Friends,” by AJ Mitchell. It doesn’t entirely relate to the song, and didn’t turn out exactly how I thought it would, but I hope that you enjoy it nonetheless. This is my first “Outer Banks,” related imagine, I’m sure it doesn’t do the show justice, but I thought I’d try because I can’t stop thinking about the show.

The sections in bold are song lyrics and flashbacks are in italics; just to clear any potential confusion.

Requests are open, as always, feel free to request anything Outer Banks related...or any of the other that fandoms I write for! 

-----------------

“I’m done, I can’t do this anymore,” JJ broke down rushing around his room to aimlessly throw his belongings into his bag.

“JJ, please calm down,” I beg, reaching out to touch him until John B’s arms wrapped around my waist, halting my movements. I look up at him in frustration, trying to force myself out of his arms. 

“Stop, he needs to do this,” he commands softly, holding me against his chest. Kie, Pope, and Sarah watch the scene in silence, the tension in the room growing thicker as we watch JJ pack his bags. 

“JJ-”

“Don’t Kie, nothing you say is going to keep me from leaving,” he barks, glaring at her. His whole body trembling with anger due to argument that he had with his dad moments earlier. “I’m done.” 

My heart drops at the sight of him; knowing full well that even I won’t be able to convince him to stay. 

An hour later we stand on the dock watching hundreds of people board the ferry. Everyone stands in silence anticipating having to say goodbye, but seemingly afraid of the moment that we’d be forced to do so. 

JJ’s hand slides into mine tightly gripping onto my fingers. I close my eyes, trying to stay calm and support his decision of leaving the island, even though I want to beg him to stay. 

“It’s time,” Pope sighs, breaking the silence as we all share sad glances.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I whisper to JJ, pulling him into my arms. “I’ll talk to my parents, you know that they’ll let you stay with us. Please, just don’t leave me here.”

“I can’t move in with you,” he states, his words slightly muffled by my hair. “I have to go, and I need you to support this decision.”

“Then let me come with you,” I insist, frowning when he pulls himself from my grasp so that he can look at me. “We promised that we’d never leave each other-”

“We were four years old,” he sighs, shaking his head. “I love you but this is something I need to do on my own, okay?” I simply nod in response; not trusting my voice. He pulls me back into his arms one last time, whispering a “thank you” before he moved to say his goodbyes to everyone else. I stand to the side, looking anywhere but at my friends as each of them had their moment with him. 

Kie and Sarah joined me, giving me sympathetic looks before pulling me into side hugs so that we could stand together. I lay my head on Sarah’s shoulder, watching John B pull JJ into his arms one last time.

“Take care of yourself, JJ,” he stated as they pulled away from each other.

“You know I will,” he winked, clearly trying to lighten the mood and take our attention away from the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He takes a moment to salute at us, his eyes meeting mine one last time before he spun around to board the ferry without looking back.

-----------------

“Why can’t I just hide in my room,” I huff exasperatedly flopping on my bed backwards tired of hearing my mom ramble about needing to get back to a normal routine.

“Listen to me, it’s been nearly a month. I know how deeply you care for him, but this has got to stop,” she states walking out of my closet empty handed. “You’ve never liked this house, and now it seems that all you want to do is spend your time here. As much as I love having you around, I’m worried.”

“Mom,” I groan, shifting to face her. “You don’t have to worry. I’m perfectly fine.” 

“I’m your mother. As much as you think you can lie to me, you can’t. So don’t start,” she warns, raising her eyebrows as she sat on the bed next to me. I sigh, shoulders slumping in defeat, as the front I attempted to put on slowly vanished. “Love is strong, especially when you’re young. Sadly, when you sign up for love you also sign up for potential heartbreak. The fact that you’re hurting so deeply just shows that it was real.” I listen intently, tears springing into my eyes at her words. 

“But I didn’t sign up for it, mom. He’s my best friend, not my boyfriend,” I huff, as if trying to deny what I already know is true.

“You and I know full well that you don’t have to be dating someone to be in love,” she replies, sending me a gentle smile. “Your relationship with JJ is a prime example of that. You’ve been in love with that boy for years and, from what I’ve seen, he is just as in love with you.”

“I know that you’re mourning what you lost, but you can’t stop living because of this,” she continues, tucking hair behind my ear, caressing my cheek. Her thumb wiping away the single tear escaping my eye. “You have friends that love you; who want to be able to walk through this with you and quite frankly, I’m running out of excuses as to why they can’t come see you.” A quiet laugh falls from my lips between quiet sniffles, still unable to muster up any words. 

“I know you feel alone, because you love him, but your friends are working through letting go of JJ too. You weren’t the only one the boy left behind when he left the island. He was their best friend too,” her fingers tenderly brush through my tangled hair, knowing how that it’s always helped me relax. “With that being said, I think you would start feeling a lot better if you stopped pushing them away, don’t you?” 

“I guess,” I sniffle, not enjoying the fact that she’s right. 

“Great, because I told them to pick you up on the dock in an hour,” she smiles brightly, scrunching up her face as she awaits my response.

“Mom,” I exclaim, shooting up from my bed. “Why would you do that? I haven’t showered in a week! There’s so much that needs to be done!” 

 She laughs from her spot on the bed, watching me haphazardly pull clothes out of my closet. I hurry towards the bathroom with a heap of clothes in my arms, pausing to drop everything on the bed to wrap her in a hug. “Thank you.”

------

Crowded but a lonely place

Sittin’ at a table full of double dates

And everywhere I go, I wanna see your face

I take a sip from the solo cup in my cold hands, shuddering due to the breeze that passed by. My attention on John B and Sarah seated across from me, laughing at something Pope had said. The boneyard buzzing with multiple groups of people due to the kegger currently taking place on the beach.

 I zone out from the conversation to study my surroundings. A familiar emptiness settling in as I mindlessly scan the crowd in search of JJ even though I know he isn’t here. Scanning my surroundings in search of him has become a part of my routine; seemingly a side affect of missing him. 

My eyes trail over my friends, each looking exceptionally light, carelessly engrossed in their conversation. Two months ago, I would have been happy at the sight but something is missing. Someone is missing and I’ve caught myself feeling completely alone in moments like this one. JJ’s arm should be carelessly draped over my shoulders but instead there’s an empty spot next to me, and a deep longing that never seems to go away. Our group has been perfectly paired up ever since Sarah and John B got together, Pope and Kiara following soon after, but now I’m always left feeling like a fifth wheel on a double date. 

“Hey,” Kie’s voice cals, pulling my attention back to my friends. The small fire in front of us casts shadows on each of them as I’m met with Kie’s concerned face. “You good?” Her question catches me off guard and forces me to shift uncomfortably in lawn chair under everyone’s gaze. 

“Um, yeah, I’m fine. I guess that it’s kind of hard to enjoy parties anymore,” I shrug, trying to muster up a reassuring smile. “They’re not the same without JJ.” Her concerned expression drops into one of sympathy and I immediately regret saying anything. John B whispers something to Sarah, pressing a soft kiss against her temple, before he moves to take the empty seat next to me. He wordlessly slings his arm over my shoulders and pulls me into him, resting his chin on my head.

“I miss him too,” he whispers looking down at me.

“I should’ve gone with him,” I state, John’s eyes softening at the tears filling my eyes. “When we were young, we promised each other that we wouldn’t leave unless we were together.” A tearful laugh falls from my lips at the memory. “Yet, when it actually came down to it, he didn’t seem to give leaving me behind a second thought. I should have tried harder to-”

“Stop,” John interrupts gently tilting my chin so I would look at him. “I know it hurts, but I love you too much to watch you do this to yourself.” 

His thumbs catch tears that I didn’t even realize were falling. “JJ is stubborn and hard to get through to, you know that. I know there was a part of him that wanted to take you with him but he needed to do himself. We’ve been cleaning up after him for as long as I can remember. I think he realized that he needed to be able to make his own decision without having anyone else to worry about.”

“I want to hate him,” I admit with a heavy sigh. “I feel like I want to be angry with him but I can’t.” John nods in agreement, seeming to understand what I meant. “I just feel so broken, JB. He’s my best friend.” 

“I know,” he sighs, pulling me against his chest again. “We’ll get through it together.”  ---------------- Pictures, I’m reminded 

Of good times, how we tried it

Don’t know how to get you out of my mind

I don’t have it in me to deny it

Sitting cross-legged on the floor of the guest bedroom at the chateau, I shuffle through the old photo album I’d found. My lips curve into a smile when I come across a couple of more recent photos that were haphazardly stuffed into the back of the tethered book. They were taken on a cheap disposable camera that JJ bought me after he overheard me talking to Kiara about how much I’d been wanting to buy one.

It was a beautiful day so we’d packed the HMS Pogue up with fishing supplies and snacks having opted to spend the day on the water. 

The sun had just started going down, each of us sun kissed and slightly tipsy as we waited for the sunset. I was curled up on the front of the boat with JJ, clad in his t-shirt with a blanket strewn across our laps. My back rested against his front, his chest vibrating with soft laughter as John B clambered back into the boat, soaking wet, after he’d lost his balance while wrestling with Pope. John B let out a string of threats as we all laughed at him, mostly due to the look on his face when he realized he was going down. 

I smiled at the way that JJ hugged me closer to him when our laughter died down. He adjusted me in his lap, his arms still wrapped tightly around my torso as I focused on the sunset ahead of us. I was so focused on the view that I didn’t notice Kie approaching us with my camera in her hands. We’d all taken turns taking photos on it because I was antsy to get them developed to see how they would turn out. 

JJ, also oblivious to Kie’s presence, pressed a gentle kiss to the crown of my head right as the flash of the camera went off causing both of us to jump slightly.

“My eyes,” JJ exclaims, a laugh falling my lips when his hands suddenly moved in front of my eyes as if he was going to protect them from another flash. I heard the camera click again causing JJ to protest. “Kie, I’m going blind here.”

JJ’s hands fell from my eyes; returning to their original spot on my waist. Kie stood in front of us lifting my camera again to taunt him. My head fell back against JJ’s chest, loud loud laughs falling from my lips, as JJ shouted threats at Kie. Pope and John B had since joined in on the fun, egging Kie on. JJ halted his movements, an endearing smile on his face as he looked down at me, watching me laugh.

“Now would be a good time to take a picture, Kie,” John whispered, prompting her to catch the sweet moment.

I shake my head; fingers delicately brushing over the pictures.

“I thought you’d be hiding in here,” John’s voice rang, pulling me out of my trance. I look up at him from my position on the floor. His arms cross against his chest, a lazy smile on his lips, as he leaned against the door frame.

“Yeah, sorry,” I blush, watching him stalk over to where I’m seated.

“I remember that day,” he smiles, taking one of the pictures from my hands. “Times we much simpler then.” I nod in agreement; wordlessly pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“I thought he was going to kiss me,” I admit with a small laugh.

“Me too. I’m convinced that he would have if Kie hadn’t ruined the mood,” John replies, moving to flip through the photo album on the floor.

“Actually, the mood wouldn’t have been ruined if you hadn’t encouraged her to take the picture. So I think you’re the one to blame,” I joke, shoving his shoulder.

“That may be true, but at least we captured the moment and you can keep it forever.” He throws his hands up in surrender and gestures to the picture before returning his attention to the photo album.

“He loves you a lot. You know that right?” John asks, breaking the comfortable silence. “God, he always looked at you like that.” John’s voice broke with a lighthearted laugh.

“He did, didn’t he?” I whisper, relishing in the memories of how JJ always looked at me as if I was all that mattered. “I can’t stop thinking about him, John B. I mean, he’s been gone for weeks and hasn’t even bothered to call. Doesn’t he realize that we’re worried about him? I can’t walk into a room without looking for him or go to sleep without having nightmares about him being alone.”

“Hey, it’s JJ we’re talking about. He’ll come around eventually. I miss him like hell, but I know that he needed to go.”John assured pulling the pictures out of my hands so that I would look at him. His hand came up to caress my cheek, just like JJ had done since we were young. “I also know that he’d hate it if he knew how much this is hurting you.” 

“I just wish he’d call. I hate missing him.” 

“I know,” he sighs, pulling me into a loose hug. We stayed like that for a long time, John holding me against his chest as he quietly shared stories about his dad. We only moved when my head began lulling to the side, fighting to keep my eyes open. John wordlessly stood up, sticking his hand out for me to grab. “I’ll tell your mom that you’re staying over again.”

“Thank you,” I yawn, giving him a quick hug before he exited the room. I turn around, pulling on one of the sweatshirts JJ always left out for me to wear. It doesn’t smell like him anymore, but still brings me the same sense of comfort that it always has. 

Spending the night at the chateau is the only way I seem to be able to get a decent nights sleep nowadays. Something about staying in the guest room, that JJ practically claimed as his own, seemed to cure my tendency to lie awake at night worrying about him. I curl under the covers feeling myself relax almost immediately as sleep welcomed me.  --------------------

Cause everybody, everybody knows something I don’t

Where are they? I think to myself, eyebrows furrowing together when I notice that the Twinkie isn’t parked in front of John B’s house. I stalk up the driveway and let myself into the house. 

“Hello,” I call, only to be met with silence. I pull my phone out of my pocket, quickly dialing Kie’s number in confusion.

“Hey you,” She answers, sounding slightly nervous.

“Where are you guys? I thought we were meeting at the chateau,” I respond, ignoring her tone. 

“Pope was supposed to call you,” she sighs, only making my confusion grow.

“What do you mean, why?”

“Well, we all kind of got called into work last minute. The boys are helping Heyward set up for midsummer’s and I have to cover for a waitress that didn’t come in,” she explains, and I hear hushed whispers on the other line. 

“Why do you sound so weird? What’s wrong?” I ask, noticing the weird strain in her voice. 

“Weird? I don’t sound weird. Everything’s fine,” she dismissed. The whispers on her end of the phone only growing louder. I can’t make out what’s being said but I’m certain that John B was among the people whispering. 

“Kie, what is going on? Are the boys th-”

“Hey, I’m sorry I have to go. Sorry for bailing on the plans last minute, but it’s urgent. I’ll meet you at Sarah’s to get ready for tonight,” she quickly rushes before hanging up the phone. 

I slide my phone into my pocket with a frown, deciding to walk to Sarah’s now seeing as everyone else seems to be busy. I kick at loose rocks on the ground; thinking back to my conversation with Kie. They’re definitely hiding something. I furrow my eyebrows, feeling annoyed due to being in the dark about what was going on. 

I can’t seem to settle down,

Cause I’m waiting on you to come around

Midsummers has been going on for nearly an hour, and I’ve been on edge the whole time. This year was the first year that all of the Pogues, excluding JJ, are attending the party. Pope being here to help Heyward prepare food while John B is Sarah’s plus one. 

I’ve been eyeing my friends closely all night, noticing multiple moments of hushed whispers whenever I came back around. I’ve only grown more and more frustrated at their lack of explanation as to why they are acting so suspicious. 

“Okay, I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I’m over it. If someone doesn’t give me answers right now, I’m leaving,” I huff, walking over to my friend group, huddled by the food tables away from everyone else. They turn around in surprise, my tone clearly catching them off guard. I cross my arms, patiently waiting for someone to speak while they share a glance. Everyone’s eyes landing on John B. Whose eyes were trained on something behind me, a slight smile adorning his face.

“Leaving so soon? But the party just got here,” a familiar voice states behind me causing goosebumps to rise on my skin; my breath catching in my throat. My heart pounds against my rib cage as I turn around in shock, a loud gasp leaving my lips at the sight of the blonde boy standing in front of me with his hands in his pockets. 

“JJ,” I choke out, hands shooting to my mouth in disbelief. His figure blurs with the tears filling my eyes. I wordlessly watch him step closer to me, seemingly frozen in place at the sight in front of me.

“It’s me,” he whispers. “I’m right here.” All of my emotions hit me the moment his hands tenderly cup my face, thumbs brushing away the shocked tears. I throw my arms around him, trying not to make too much of a scene as quiet sobs fall from my shaking frame. A wave of peace rolls over my body at the realization that JJ is okay and is safely tucked in my arms.

The rest of the Pogues come around us, wrapping us in the middle of an emotional group hug. When the hug breaks, I cling to JJ for a few more seconds, not entirely convinced that he’s actually in front of me. His lips press a gentle kiss on my forehead, quietly assuring me that he was there. 

“Don’t leave me again,” I demand, pulling myself away from his grip. “My heart can’t handle it.”

“I promise, I’m here for good,” he laughs, pulling me into one more hug before we return to reality. We spend the rest of the party catching up and enjoying each others company. For the first time in weeks, things feel okay. 

---------------------

And everybody lookin’ like a honeymoon

But all that I have been looking for is me and you

Glancing around John B’s living room, a content smile forms on my face. I take a mental snapshot of the moment; relishing in how good it feels to be together again. Our bodies clad in pajamas all squished together on the small pullout couch. We shared stories for hours, everyone falling asleep one by one until me and JJ were the only two left awake.

“Do you want to go to the guest room? As much as I love these guys, I don’t really want to wake up groping any of them,” he whispered, pausing when Pope stirred in his sleep. I smile, pressing my finger to my lips to signal him to be quiet as I slowly crawl out of bed, trying not to wake any of them up. JJ follows soon after, successfully making it off of the mattress without disturbing anyone. He nods toward the hallway, lacing his fingers with mine before pulling me towards the room. 

We wordlessly crawl under the covers and settle into a comfortable silence, noticing the sun beginning to peak through the blinds. JJ wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his chest with a content sigh. 

“I’ve missed this,” I murmur, breaking the peaceful silence. JJ hums in agreement, pressing a chaste kiss on my forehead mumbling a soft, “me too,” against my skin. My heart swells at the feeling, a sudden wave of confidence spreading through my body forcing me to sit up in the bed abruptly, pulling myself out of his grasp.

“What’s wrong,” he asks, mirroring my movements as he shifts to face me. I instinctively grab his hand; fingers tracing the lines on his palms to keep myself from looking at him.

“I need to tell you something,” I state after a few moments of silence, hesitantly tearing my gaze away from our hands. I’m met with a concerned expression, his hand moving to push my hair out of my face.

“What is it?” I sigh at his question, nerves beginning to settle in as I stare at him. You have to tell him, I think to myself, there’s really no going back at this point. 

“JJ I-” I pause, pressing my lips together in a thin line. The fear of telling him how I feel eating away at me, while he patiently waits for me to continue. 

“You can tell me,” he smiles, a slight glimmer in his eyes.

“The last three months have been absolute hell,” I admit, watching his supportive expression drop at my words. “I was forced to watch everyone else continue on with their lives while I was just stuck.”

He opens his mouth to say something but I shake my head, silently beginning him to let me continue. “You’ve been this constant thought on my mind. It’s kind of funny actually, it seems that you constantly demanded my attention even when you weren’t here,” I laugh lightheartedly, wiping away the tears that escaped my eyes. 

“Anyway, your being gone gave me a lot of time to think and I’ve realized that I can’t keep pretending that I don’t feel a certain way about you,” JJ’s eyes urge for me to continue as his hand gently squeezes my own. “JJ, I’m in love with you.” 

My words echo in my ears, heart beating rapidly in my chest, as I stare at my best friend. “I can’t keep pretending that I’m content with just being your best friend. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but I have to be honest with you. All I could think about was-”

“Stop talking,” he interrupts, hands gripping my shoulders as a serious expression crosses over his face, making my heart drop. Our friendship is over. I just got him back and I’m going to lose him again. “You’re insane if you think I don’t feel the same way about you.” He moves his hands to cup my face, his eyes flickering down to my lips. “Leaving made me realize that the only time I feel safe is when I’m with you.” He hesitated for a moment before closing the gap between us with a kiss. His lips pressing against mine urgently as he pulled me into his lap. 

“God, you’re all I’ve ever wanted,” he sighs, after breaking the kiss. Our chests heaving slightly due to the previous lack of air. 

“Don’t leave me again,” I state, shoving him backwards onto the bed, watching him laugh in surprise. He flips us over, pinning me to the bed as his lips met mine again.

“I’m here for good,” he murmurs, pulling me into his arms after collapsing next to me. The beating of his heart lulled me into a peaceful sleep, resting on his promise to stay. 

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

“Vivienne x Mc, where Mc gets injured and falls unconscious and later Vivienne taking care?“

Pairing with:

Mc x Vivienne - QoT Mc was really close to an explosion during a heist, causing her to permanently loss her hearing. You can include the other members too because I want to see how will they handle future heist when one of their has been injured, how does Vivienne react? Will she let mc continue or not? And how does mc feel? Does she feel she cannot as much as before lost her hearing?

HEY... how do you think Vivienne would deal with a deaf MC? im deaf myself 😳😳 headcanons work if they're easier!

QOT MC gets caught up in the blast from one of Jett’s explosives, and now has severe burns acrros her face and other parts of her body along with slight deafness. Could I get a fic of Vivienne comforting her, and telling her she’s still beautiful? Thanks!

…

Warning: Writer’s first time writing a hard of hearing character.

TW: Panic attacks. Mentions of injury. Mentions of scarring.

Introspection-heavy fic.

…

The explosion was one of Jett’s finest work up to date.

Vivienne could feel it rattle her very bones, even though she was quite a distance away. The building crumbled easily and readily, becoming nothing but a sour-tasting memory. She nodded approvingly, letting out a small sigh in relief. There it went, up in smoke, all the incriminating evidence Benicio had gathered on them. And, as a bonus, most of his fake career.

“Ha! That was amazing!” Jett laughed, his voice bright with happiness, high with adrenaline. The rest of the Poppy soon joined in, albeit in less boisterous chuckles.

Coming down from the building she was in was child’s play. She abandoned Benicio’s unconscious body for the authorities to find, humming to herself as she made her way over to Leon, just barely paying attention to the conversation of the rest of the Poppy.

It doesn’t take long for her to notice that something is wrong. That something is missing.

She balances on top of the balcony she’s on, dread creeping over her body like lead, making her feel sluggish.

“Has anyone heard MC?”

The idle chatter stops. Vivienne can feel the shift in the atmosphere, can practically hear it become tense and chilly.

Amidst the muttered ‘no’ of the rest of the members, Zoe’s voice sounds surprisingly clear, a tinge of panic and worry that makes Vivienne lurch forward, desperate to reach the ground. “I lost her signal. Something must have happened!”

“But Benicio is out cold this time-”

“Nadia backed off, right? She couldn’t have-”

“And there is no way Francesca would-”

“Maybe,” Jett’s voice sounds hesitant, an echo of his usual self. “She got… caught by the explosion.”

Remy scoffs. “There’s no way that could have happened, MC knew the dangers!”

“Keep an eye out for the police, Zoe. We need to look for her,” Nikolai commanded, his voice as cold and hard as steel, immediately cutting through the panicked chatter.

Vivienne lets her teammates handle the distractions to stall the police a bit longer, her mind set only on making sure MC was all right. She hadn’t felt so frightened since everything that happened with Isadora, and she refused to let anything even remotely similar happen again. She couldn’t lose anyone precious to her. She couldn’t. One more person, and her soul would have been shattered beyond repair.

Not to mention, the whole issue with Benicio was her fault in the first place. If MC got hurt… god, if she got hurt…

“Ambulance! Can someone call an ambulance?”

Her head whipped around, eyes wide. There was a man shouting desperately a few meters away, making frantic motions to something behind him. Mouth dry, Vivienne relayed the situation to the rest of the Poppy. Her legs felt like jelly. She wondered if she’d crumble into an unrepairable mess when she got close enough, but no such thing happened. She moved forward as if possessed, dropping to her knees near two bodies. One was a small child, and the other was MC, cradling the child as if she was trying to protect him from the entire world.

They were both unconscious. Vivienne’s eyes trailed MC’s exposed skin, painted an angry red down to its very core, from her left shoulder down to her thigh. Her clothes were ruined, charred beyond recognition, sticking to MC’s body like a second skin. Vivienne’s first instinct is to throw her cape over her, just to cover the burns. Her hands are shaking so bad it proves to be quite the difficult task.

The child MC is holding seems fine, his burns less severe than MC’s, which eases Vivienne’s worry somewhat.

Jett was right. She had been caught up in the explosion.

…

“I had to pull a lot of favors to erase our trail, but at least the police won’t find us for a while. We can lay low while MC recovers.” Zoe informed them, a few nights later, exhaustion sipping from her like water out of a waterfall. Nikolai is in a similar state, sitting near Zoe by the couch, one hand covering his face and the other gripping his knee so tightly his knuckles are almost white.

“And the boy’s father?”

“He’s been trying to locate MC, but I don’t think we should worry about him. As for the boy, he’s much better than MC. His hearing wasn’t as affected, either. She really saved him…”

“Then again, if it hadn’t been for him, MC wouldn’t be like this in the first place.” Vivienne icily mutters, tightening her hold over her glass of wine. Nikolai and Zoe just give her a glance, too tired to pick a fight with her. “If he hadn’t rushed in recklessly-”

“He was scared, Viv.” Remy says, from somewhere in the kitchen. “He wasn’t thinking clearly.”

Vivienne’s scowl deepens. “Yes, but who runs into danger? You’d think the fire alarm would have gotten him to run the other way.”

“Someone who didn’t know there was going to be an explosion, that’s who.”

The seductress growls, a dark expression over her face, bitter frustration raging inside her like a chemical reaction about to explode. It just doesn’t make sense. Everything that boy had done that day was simply moronic, and MC – the angel she was, putting others before herself as she often did – had suffered dearly for it. The burns would leave scarring, no doubt; they had become angry red lines and spots that Vivienne mapped with a careful touch every time she had to apply the ointment the doctor had recommended. She had to watch how MC flinched at the contact, how she bit back a cry of pain, hiding it behind a shuddering smile and glistering brown eyes.

Vivienne couldn’t stop thinking about her expression. About how everything had changed, suddenly and without warning, all because of a boy. She can’t help but think about what Remy says and seethe in anger at the sheer absurdity of the boy’s actions, but she decides to stay quiet. The last thing the team needs is another fight.

Zoe speaks again after a few moments, voice soft.

“How is Jett?”

“He hasn’t left MC’s side,” Vivienne answers, after taking a deep breath. “His guilt is practically eating him alive.”

Zoe gives the couch a mournful, exhausted look, but gets to her feet nonetheless. “I’ll go check on him.”

No one blames Jett.

Ever since she had regained consciousness, MC’s sole focus had been on him. Vivienne didn’t mind. It felt relieving to walk inside her room and find them close, enjoying life, doing Art Club activities or laughing over some funny meme. Or, well, trying to. Jett’s laugh was muted, worried, tinted with sadness and regret; it was a sound that haunted Vivienne wherever she went, something that mirrored her own conflicted feelings. MC’s laugh was restrained and also wistful and a little distant. Sometimes she grimaced in the middle of it, her happiness crumbling in a burning flash of pain that made Vivienne’s heart clench and drop.

But they were trying. They were doing their best.

They would get through this. They all would.

…

Changes are inevitable. MC stands through it all like a stubborn rock holding its ground against a current, taking everything in stride. Vivienne had always found the artist fascinating, a fantastic enigma that Vivienne had foolishly thought she had cracked a long time ago.

MC always surprised her. After everything, Vivienne couldn’t help but feel awed by her. True, the first few weeks were hard, but MC had accepted her condition sooner rather than later, while Vivienne still cautiously danced around it, not sure what to think or feel or do.

MC had lost 65% percent of her hearing due to the explosion. Her left ear was slightly better, only at 50%, but the doctor had warned them she would lose more as the years went by. And while Vivienne had once again thrown herself into a bitter spiral of resentment against the boy, that damned boy, MC had pursed her lips with a determined expression and thrown herself into learning sign language and working around everything.

Everyone had agreed early on that MC couldn’t participate in heists anymore. She’d still be their forger, of course, but she’d stay with Zoe when the heist was underway.

“It’d be too dangerous,” MC had admitted, distractedly playing with the hem of her black jacket. She had this solemn look in her eyes, hollow and heavy with resignation, but it wasn’t defeated. It had this quiet intensity to it, like a volcano about to erupt; no one had dared to say anything as she explained. “I can’t even tell where sounds come from anymore, so I wouldn’t react properly to a threat.”

Vivienne couldn’t really wrap her mind around it. MC had described sounds as muted, fuzzy, distant, as if there was a giant wall of glass between her and the world, and on top of it she was underwater. Sounds simply became a cacophony in the background, nothing for MC to really pick apart. It was disorienting, at first, mostly because Vivienne hadn’t really fully processed everything yet.

Sometimes she would turn towards MC with her usual flair and dramas, all but spinning on the chair of her vanity like the typical movie villain, only to find MC engrossed on her work and not aware at all of the dramatic sigh Vivienne had delivered not two seconds ago. That was, perhaps, the biggest change. It didn’t take long for Vivienne to get used to it, no, but there had been something special in calling MC’s name from across the room and watching her reaction unfurl, be it an amused smirk or a heated stare.

MC carried on, not considering her hearing loss a disability at all. It made things different, but not impossible, something Vivienne had irrationally feared in the beginning. She loved MC and everything that entailed, be it scarring or hearing loss or grumpiness or that annoyingly stubborn personality of hers. There was no in-between, no extremes. There weren’t moments where Vivienne had loved her more or less. One day she had woken up to realize she had fallen hopelessly in love and she had never quite managed to get back up after that.

So these changes? Vivienne would accept them. Welcome them. No matter what.

…

The hearing aids helped. A bit.

MC had put them on, frowned for a second, and then beamed at Vivienne saying: “Oh, I can tell your voice apart from all the sounds now!” And that was it. No magically being able to hear everything again, no magically being able to pick apart the words. There was just a vague tone piercing a muted world, an anchor making lip-reading easier, but nothing else. Zoe had looked. Oh, how had she looked, but that was it. Everyone had accepted that. MC was just happy to her their voices again, however fuzzy they were.

Now, Vivienne could actually come sashaying into the room and call out to MC, and MC would look up and search for her – she still had a hard time telling where the sounds came from – and then roll her eyes with a fond smile at her girlfriend’s antics.

Something Vivienne had discovered about hard of hearing people: they listened. No, really. Somebody else would be distracted by something that happened around them, or would look at their phone or watch or hands or anything else before rejoining the conversation. Small things, really. MC didn’t do those anymore. Her attention was solely focused on whoever was speaking, watching their lips, interpreting their words. Or watching the signs, the body language, everything she could do to figure out what was going on and answer accordingly.

It was only at night that MC confided how difficult and exhausting and frustrating lip-reading was. The Poppy made an effort to sign, they had all gotten quite good at SSE, but sometimes they would go out and encounter somebody that didn’t know how to sign or somebody that wasn’t aware of what had happened to MC. It was all sort of situations, but MC took in stride.

“Baby?” MC’s drowsy voice cut through Vivienne’s thoughts. The pronunciation was a bit off, but charmingly so. MC had been horrified when Zoe commented on it, trying to correct it as soon as possible, but privately Vivienne didn’t really see why she worried so much over it. Her voice was beautiful no matter what. Or maybe Vivienne was just far too whipped. Hm.

She smiled against MC’s skin, feeling the heat of it call out to her like a siren’s song. She shifted a bit, so she could rest her head over MC’s chest, snuggling under the covers. It was a cold night, after all.

“Yes?” She mumbled, internally screaming in joy over the pet name. The vibration of her voice was all MC needed to know she was awake.

“I don’t think I’m up for seeing Jace tomorrow. Think we could reschedule?”

Vivienne hummed, toying with the thought. “I think so.” She finally drew the words on MC’s skin. Her fingers slid over the charred, dry zone that had been burned and she frowned a little, wondering if she should apply more ointment in the morning.

“Great.” MC said, softly. “And… we could… maybe we could watch a movie? There’s a new one that just began airing – I’ll ask Zoe for a subtitled version tomorrow.”

“Lovely.” Vivienne drew back.

“I love you.”

The little heart that was the seductress’ reply tingled in MC’s skin like invisible ink, pure and happy and warm like the first few rays of the sun, something that would linger for many days to come.

…

In the morning, as she had been doing this past month, the first thing she did when she woke up was straddle MC under her.

MC blinked owlishly, staring at her with a soft smile. She let Vivienne move over her, sighing contently at the soft touches from her lover. Vivienne made sure to stay in sight, so MC could see her lips.

With all that done, Vivienne began her worship.

Her hand cupped MC’s cheek, tracing the cheekbone down to the soft angle of her jaw, adoring. Long fingers then glided over her throat, down, down so she could move over her collarbones, one hand to the right, one to the left.

One hand slid over smooth, soft silk, while the other traveled against rough and dry edges carefully. MC’s eyes shifted at that, always hesitant over the marred skin, and Vivienne leaned down to place a kiss just above where the burns had been, as reverently as an astronaut would kiss the ground after months away from the Earth. She hovered there for a few seconds while her hand moved from MC’s shoulder to her side, finally coming to rest over her hip.

“You are beautiful.” She mouthed, leaning back. MC’s eyes flickered to her lips, catching the words, her smile stretching just a little bit more.

Vivienne continued, leaving a trail of kisses over that side, as she often did.

“These tell a story,” she said, and MC listened, brows knitted in concentration. “Of a brave woman that was too caring, and of a silly boy.”

MC starts to shake her head, aware of Vivienne’s resentment, but Vivienne is quick to place a finger over her lips to shush her.

“A silly boy,��� she repeated, and for once her voice carried no venom. “That would have had a much difficult condition had that brave woman not intervened. These scars tell a story… and its outcome, filled with obstacles and changes and that one stubborn woman in the center of it all. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone more determined in my entire life. But here you are, MC, here you are…”

She shudders with delight, her smile widening even more. One of her hand comes up to rest over Vivienne’s heart, to feel the vibrations of her voice.

“A warrior, an angel. You are the sun my thoughts spin around, always, forever. You came into my life and gave me a reason to become the woman I am today. You are always so optimistic, so breathtakingly beautiful, with you I-” Vivienne cut herself off, remembering to breathe, to pace herself. MC gave her a grateful nod, her expression soft with affection. “With you I feel like I might soar. You’ve taught me so much. You’ve taught me how to be accepting. To accept mistakes. To not run from them. And now, you’ve taught me the importance of not giving up. I admire you, you know?”

Vivienne looked at the scars again.

“The story these tell… It’s awe-inspiring. I’ll look at them every morning and remember how strong you are. Beautiful isn’t perfect skin and perfect hearing. It isn’t daring heists and life on the edge. Beautiful is you, are you are now.”

The kiss they share is gentle, loving, pure.

[dianapana]

SH Day 12- ANBU Black Ops

@sasuhinamonth

たえる Part 2 (taeru=to endure)

Part 1

Rated M, Ninja Universe that underwent some changes (you’ll see that I use major events in the canon world but there is a lot of history that’s altered), OOC (major OOC for Hinata especially)

Warning: self-harm, mental health, sexual harassment, trauma

Hello, dears, I play quite a bit with chronology in this chapter, I hope it's all easy to understand. I made moth things be during summer so around the time of the girl SH month which is why in all the cases you'll see Sasuke is 1year older than Hina, since his bday is in July and hers in December. I hope you enjoy, ~Love Dia

Sasuke, age 23

I think it’s fair for me to say that I’ve been through a lot, not many things shake me anymore and all the things that have made me worried in the past years have had something in common, they were all somehow related to Hinata. I remember when I woke up after the war, I was chained to a hospital bed, placed under a jutsu that blocked my chakra, I was missing a limb and I was on the verge of insanity once more. The only thing that calmed me down was her image. Even without my chakra I searched for hers. She too was in the hospital; I found her signature light purple chakra but it was so faint and small I almost missed it. Seeing her like that made me crazy with worry, once everyone left my room, I broke all the chains and dragged myself to her room despite the pain. I hadn’t thought of her as fragile since our reunion when she was 15. I could barely stand to see her that way, and even if I wanted to stay and watch over her for longer, I could feel Naruto’s chakra getting closer, which meant I had to leave. For the following weeks I could only go and see her late at night, for there was always someone in her room, Naruto, her father, her sister, some sort of nurse or medic. I recovered under a month, yet I stayed until she woke up.

I was the only one in the room when her eyes opened, she looked confused and for a moment I was sure she had amnesia and would not remember me, us. But for the briefest moment her eyes rested upon my figure and recognition was there, relief was there, gratitude, affection and many other nuances that I can never seem to read or fully comprehend reflected in her eyes. I took her hand and kissed the back of it, allowing myself a small selfish gesture before leaving the room to inform the medics she woke up. Sakura gave me a strange, questioning look when I told her Hinata had woken up, but I didn’t care about subtlety at that second, I just wanted them to check her for any issues, I wanted her to be physically fine.

She didn’t have many memories of the war when she was first questioned, but they came back in waves and waves. I could tell that the questions overwhelmed her, much like the people that littered around, there were over 10 visitors in her tiny hospital room, from her father to Naruto, Kiba and many others. I just watched the whole situation from outside her window. I noticed her looking around, searching for someone that wasn’t there. No, it wasn’t me, she knew I wouldn’t be there when other people were, I knew exactly who she was searching for, that’s why I wanted to be close by. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, I knew things would take a turn for the worse soon enough. I saw it, the exact moment the fog raised off of her memories, the moment in which reality hit her, the moment in which the remaining light in her eyes died.

She asked for Neji, Naruto cringed, her father was the one to inform her of his passing. She asked when the funeral was going to be and silence fell onto the room. Sakura tried to slowly explain that the war ended two months ago and all the dead were already long buried. Hinata cried, she cried for her fallen cousin, she cried for missing his funeral, she cried for herself. They all gave her hugs and condolences, they reassured her that none of that was her fault. They all expected her to mourn and soon enough bounce back to the façade she always kept around the people in the village. They were unaware of the emotional depth her sadness could reach. I knew their expectations would never be met, I could tell that the headspace she was in was similar to the night I found her on the forest floor, she had the same look in her eyes as when she constantly begged me to let her die. Knowing all of that, I expected her to make certain choices, yet, despite knowing what was to come, I was unable to help, there wasn’t a single moment in which she was alone for a week to come. And when it all happened, I panicked at the notion of her death and responded wrongly to her actions.

I wasn’t watching her when she attempted to kill herself, I was with Tsunade who kept insisting that I accept their fake arm. I was in the midst of refusing once more, when I could feel a commotion in her room, I left without a word and ran there. The image that was in front of me wasn’t surprising but it was just as heart-breaking. Hinata’s bed was covered in blood, her left wrist was being treated by Sakura but you could still see the long and slim-cut along her wrist, Naruto was holding her other arm trying to put pressure on her wrist to stop the bleeding. It scared me, the amount of blood on herself and the bed, her light-headedness and indifference indicated that she had been bleeding for a long time. She waited for a moment in which I wasn’t there either, she wanted to escape me too. Had Naruto and Sakura been late they might have found her corpse instead. I left the room to calm myself down, I couldn’t cause a commotion. I tried my best to come up with kind and comforting words to tell her later when I would return to her room, but when I did, the image that greeted me, her arms strapped to the bed, made me lose my composure. I screamed at her, I can’t even recall what I said but I know it was very inappropriate, she laughed, she cried. Trying to comfort her with only one arm was difficult, that was the very first moment when I even considered accepting Tsunade’s offer, but in the end I didn’t. I spent every night that followed with her, after the initial shock I was able to recall the words I meant to give her, I knew they weren’t going to miraculously fix everything but I felt that she needed them nonetheless.

She apologized for considering that path and acting on her thoughts. I undid her chains and pulled her to my lap as she talked. “The moment my eyes moved past Naruto’s shoulders and I saw you in the door frame I regretted my choice, I wished I could undo it if only to never have to see that look on your face” I placed my face into her hair and just breathed her in. “I think I understand a little better now…what you felt when Itachi died, when you found out the truth. Our situations aren’t the same but I remember how…” she stopped, searching for the perfect word.

“Crazy? Unhinged? Mad?” I provided, but she frowned and shook her head.

“No, no, none of those…how anguished, sorrowful, wretched you were at the time. You come to me in a very agitated state, I was scared and concerned but couldn’t grasp that feeling. Now I do” If I’m honest I don’t remember how felt at the time, I don’t remember many things about that period of my life, all I know is that I wanted to give up, I thought I had made only wrong choices in my life, but I saw her and I remembered that even I could save someone.

After a few more nights she assured me that she was now mentally stable, her sadness was still very much present, but she had not had any self-harming thoughts. The decision to leave the village was very difficult at the time, but Hinata assured me that she enjoyed our routine and wished to continue it. I left but our correspondence was much more frequent than before the war, I would write her every other day and she’d reply as soon as my messages reached her. It took a bit over 3 months for her to resume her work as an ANBU, and a bit over 8 months in total to convince Kakashi to promote her to ANBU Black Ops. Her missions became more difficult and longer, she even had a mission in Amegakure that lasted half a year. When she first sent me the message informing me of the location of her mission it reminded me of our first encounter after I left the village. Our encounter that summer isn’t a memory I think of fondly, I was cruel, I was insane, I abused my knowledge of her trauma. Whenever I remember my actions, I want to go back and rewind the time, I want to apologize to 15-year-old Hinata, she was meek and fragile and I broke a part of her. She was doing her best to survive and to keep going and I was a huge obstacle in her recovery. When my feelings for her started changing I was always self-conscious whether they were genuine or not, wasn’t I using her? Wasn’t I just feeling guilty?

Hinata, age 15

I am nervous as I pack my bag for this mission, it is my first solo mission ever. 6 months after I became a Jonin and Tsunade finally trusts me enough to allow me to go alone in a mission. The destination is Amegakure and the mission is supposed to last for about to 3 weeks. The difficulty level of the mission is only B which I’d be pretty annoyed at, but the distance factor and the solo factor make up for it so, I am equally nervous and excited. When I told Neji about the mission he was concerned but didn’t show it much for my sake. Instead, he congratulated me and we had a small picnic in the outer skirt of the Hyuuga estate as celebration.

Now I am looking through my dresser for appropriate clothes for the rain to pack, I have to look for another set of kunais just in case and prepare myself a couple of bentos to have on hand. Slowly, the closer the night before my departure gets the less anxious I am, excitement seems to be the winning sentiment.

The morning of, I wake up at 4:30 a.m. and am unable to sleep longer. By the time I am fully dressed and ready to go it’s only 5:00 a.m. and the sun is barely raising, but I decide that it is light enough outside for me to leave. As always whenever I pass through the forest there’s a chill going through my veins and my enthusiasm is a bit dampened, I actively try and avoid that specific place even if it means it will add to the journey time. On the schedule, Tsunade gave me I’m meant to spend 8 days on the road to the village, approximately 4 or 5 days into the village and 8 more days back.

The mission itself isn’t supposed to be that difficult all I need to do is meet with different people in the village give them the scrolls Tsunade gave me and wait for their replies. All in all, there should be no fighting, I’m mostly a messenger but the large amount of people that need contacting made it impossible for a summon raven to deliver the scrolls. My adrenaline rush of being on my own, experiencing what freedom feels like made me speed up during the journey, I took less stops and didn’t even spend the night in one of the Inns I was supposed to. Thus, not only did I depart earlier than planned but I arrived into the village almost a day and a half ahead of the schedule. Since it’s still barely past noon I decide to start the mission a day early and I am able to cover a fifth of the task on the first day.

People usually when talking about Amegakure call it gloomy and depressing, but I enjoy walking around in the rain, the temperature isn’t too high despite it being the middle of a heatwave everywhere else, the smell and sounds of rain also add to its charm. The Inn I’m supposed to stay at for the duration of my mission is on the outside of the village, it is away from the noise of the centre, but not far out enough to say it isn’t part of the village at all. Walking into my room I sit down and finally grasp that I am days away from Konoha, I am alone. The realization makes me emotional; I hadn’t realized how much I needed to be on my own, how good it would feel to put distance between me and everything that Konoha entailed.

Sitting alone in the dark, only with the occasional lightning brightening up my room, I make a decision, I promise myself to only ever come on solo missions. I’ve endured years of discomfort so I deserved to feel this way, if only during missions. I take a shower and go to bed, I’m not as physically tired as I thought I would be after the journey and that worries me. I don’t want the nightmare to come and ruin my mood, but I close my eyes nonetheless.

It feels like barely a second passed when I open my eyes and see the cool light coming from outside. The sun is hidden behind the clouds of rain, but its light still pushes through to an extent. I had no dreams, no nightmares. I rested well and I feel better than I did in many years. I walk barefoot onto the cold wooden floor and I open the window, not caring that the rain is getting both me and the floor wet. I close my eyes and feel immensely liberated, the heavy chains that dragged me down at all times disappeared. Nobody here knows me and I don’t know them, I am but a face in the crowd, this anonymity offers me the independence I never knew before.

I complete the mission in under 3 days. I feel faster, stronger, happier here. It feels like I can do anything and everything. I have about 3 days I can waste in the village, under normal circumstances I’d return immediately to Konoha to get another mission and the cycle would repeat. But I decide to stay here for a while longer, I want to enjoy this feeling to the best of my ability. The day right after completing the mission I simply stay inside and sleep almost the whole day. I’m recharging my batteries which have been on low for 3 years now. I forgot what being well-rested felt like.

The following day I decide to wander around some more. The mission had me walk all over the village’s centre so, I decide to check out its outskirt more. I go and eat delicious food at a small booth owned by an older couple. Due to its relatively small scale Amegakure’s buildings are much much higher than those from Konoha so I climb on top of one that I deem to be among the highest and sit there, in the rain just watching the busy streets, looking over all the sky-high buildings and enjoying the feeling of being unrestrained by people’s gazes and expectations. For the smallest second, I feel someone’s gaze on me but I discard it as being the locals looking at the strange outsider that’s standing in the rain. I refuse to let my mood be dampened, not when I am just as high as this building is.

I return to the Inn and decide to take a shower, tomorrow is going to be my last day here and I feel like time is moving far too fast. I’m rinsing my hair when I get the same feeling as before, like someone is watching me. Before I can dismiss it again, I hear steps behind me, my mind goes blank. I’m suddenly turned around by a powerful hand, before closing my eyes I see a pair of black dead, unfeeling, cold, cruel, scary, scary, scary, scary eyes. I close my eyes and clench my jaw; I can feel tears trailing down my face. I’m hyperventilating, I can’t move, I’m weak, I’m small. I whimper when I feel his hand touching the scar right above my pelvis. The touch transports me back to when I’m 12 and on the ground, my legs no longer support me, the only reason why I’m still standing is because the man is holding my arm in an iron grip. The moment passes and his hand is gone allowing me to fall to my knees and then onto my butt. I have no idea how long I stay there in a trance. When I’m finally able to regain strength in my limbs to feel and make small movements I notice the shower water is freezing cold despite it being set to warm. I turn it off and walk into the room, there’s no trace of the man anymore, he didn’t do anything beyond touching my arm and my scar. Maybe he was simply created by my brain, yea no one was here, how could they be, why would they be.

I can feel myself slipping into hysteria as laughter bubbles up into my throat. I look around the room again searching for proof again and I sigh in relief when I find none. I’m finally calm enough to get dressed but I make the mistake of looking in the mirror. There’s a handprint on my arm where he gripped me. The print is red and turning a weird purple colour in places and yellow in others. He was here. He was real. I take small breaths in order to calm myself, I am fine, I am here, I can’t even picture the face of the man that was here, I try to force myself to forget the handprint, it was just a dream, another nightmare.

I pack my things and leave that very night despite being tired physically, mentally and emotionally. I don’t want to return to Konoha, and I can’t stay here, I don’t know where to go. The freedom I felt before gave me an amazing sense of accomplishment, but now it is a source of unease. I feel lost and like I do not belong anywhere. I feel insignificant. I feel lonely. I close my eyes and just sit on the floor outside of the village, waiting for something or someone to come get me. But nothing happens and the weather is turning cold despite the summer so I pick myself up and start walking wherever the road will take me.

I don’t remember the journey back home, I can’t even tell in how many days I completed it, I didn’t stop at all, I just ran. I ran from the man, the past, I ran from my weak self. I thought myself to be strong now that I am a Jonin, but I froze and was unable to do anything all the same. I need to be more than I am, I need to be stronger, braver, untouchable, more perceptive.

I hate myself for hesitating to enter the Konoha, I hate myself for hesitating to take on a new mission when Tsunade offers it. I hate myself when I have to walk through the halls of the Hyuuga compound, I hate myself when I hide from Neji. I hate myself when I walk into my room and burst into tears. I hate myself for getting my hope that high in Ame only to have them all crash and burn. I hate that I feel more broken today than I did 3 weeks ago.

Sasuke, age 16

I’ve been in a weird mood since a week ago when I saw Hyuuga in the Village Hidden in Rain. I hadn’t heard or seen anything related to Konoha since I left during the Chunnin exam. She was my first contact with it. Hinata Hyuuga, I remember her name clearly, she holds a special meaning to me, she is a life I saved. I saved her back before I was caught up in any business with Orochimaru, when I still thought following Kakashi was the right path to take, back when I was stupid and naïve. I hadn’t thought of her since that moment, but when my eyes fell onto her, I felt proud that she survived, but I also felt the need, the urge to utterly crush her beneath my feet. Her life belongs to me; I saved her so, I have every right to destroy her.

I could tell she was uncomfortable with me there, I felt her flinch as I traced the scar above her pelvis, I heard her whimper when I turned around, and I saw from the corner of my eye, as her legs have in and she fell to the floor. She looked small and pathetic and I felt strong in comparison.

However, now, days later I feel…guilt. I feel as if I used something against her that I shouldn’t have. At the time her image was blurry and not something I paid attention to, but I can clearly see it now whenever I close my eyes. He white skin had almost no imperfections besides the three scars, her eyes were shut tight, her face was red and wet, at the time I gloated at the thought that the water droplets were tears, now I’m hoping they were from the shower. Her long dark hair was wet and clinging to her body. She did her best to hide from me with her hands, with her position slightly bent. She was helpless, she didn’t even try to stop me, she didn’t scream or fight back, she froze in place and allowed me to do whatever I wanted. At the time that too made me feel powerful, I deluded myself into thinking that my presence as Sasuke Uchiha made her cower in fear. Now that I am analysing things once more, I realize it was her trauma that rendered her powerless, it was my presence that caused her fear, but she wasn’t scared of me, Sasuke, but rather of me, a male; she didn’t see me as an individual but as the image of the man that hurt her in the past.

Realizing that in her mind I was equal to that disgusting piece of trash makes me livid. I clench my jaw, pick up the first thing I see, a jar of whatever substance from one of Orochimaru’s labs and I throw it to the wall. The green liquid escapes its container and slowly eats away at the wall and ground, the sizzling noise and putrid smell don’t even bother me. I’m angry at her, I want to find her and scream in her face that I’m not that man. I wanna shake her until she understands. I am mad at her, at myself. Kabuto comes in and curses, he drags me out and talks under his breath, his presence adds to my anger.

“What do you want?” I ask him, I’m looking down at him. I grew taller these past few weeks, taller than him. I want him to pick a fight, I want a reason to smash his face in. The image of his bloody face as he lays unconscious on the ground would bring me the satisfaction I need. He looks mockingly at me, that’s enough to start a fight.

Less than 20 minutes later the fight is over, he’s not unconscious, he’s still standing, more precisely, walking away. But he is bleeding and so am I. The fight didn’t help. I still feel angry, but my anger is slowly being overshadowed by guilt.

The sudden urge to find her and apologize overcomes me, but I dismiss it. She’s long gone…I checked. The two of us won’t meet anytime soon and even if we do, I’ll never apologize, not to her, not to someone that…weak…

Hinata age 22

After sleeping in until 11 after all, I wake up to Sasuke’s face next to mine, I feel at ease, I feel happy. I cup his face and place a kiss over his closed eyelids. I feel his change in breath when he wakes up but his eyes remain closed. His arm comes around my waist and pulls me closer to him, slowly he opens his eyes and offers me a lazy smirk. For a while I forget that we’re in Konoha, I forget everything about people trying to control me. All my worries just disappear with his presence.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks and brushes my bangs out of my eyes. ‘You’ I want to say, but I decide to be selfish instead. I sit up and he does too, I move towards him and place myself on his lap, we are chest to chest, face-to-face. “I am unsure how long they’ll make me stay here. This... sensei job…they could stretch it for months, who knows.” I hate that that’s true, I hate that they’re trying to cage me into the village. “it’s difficult being here for an indefinite period of time, especially since I don’t have out missions to look forward to. So…” I stop talking, rethinking what I’m about to ask, wondering if it’s worth it, but he looks at me with no judgement, he’s waiting patiently. “So…I was thinking. Maybe being here in Konoha would be better…if you were here as well” Part of me initially regrets the words and wants to take them back.

“You want me to stay here until you can go back to your normal missions” he didn’t formulate it as a question so I didn’t reply, mostly because I didn’t trust myself not to say no, to act like it was a joke, so I stay silent. “Ok, I will” his hand is on my wrist and it’s slowly moving up under my tank top. “You should already know that anything you ask of me, I’ll do Hinata” I do know that, but this was something that I had been afraid to ask for a while. Would staying in Konoha be better with him here? It must be.

We talk some more about his stay in Konoha and then proceed to eat a late breakfast. “I passed by the cottage outside of Amegakure on my way to Konoha” that cottage will forever represent my safe space, all my memories in it are out-of-this-world happy. The cottage itself is pretty much outside every territory of every village, it belongs to nobody, yet that’s the place I feel I belong in. I stayed there for my thirst or fourth mission as an ANBU, as usual Sasuke met up with me and we live together there for months. Sasuke and I worked together for most of my missions, we completed them faster than it was estimated they would take and we spent the remaining of the time just being together outside of all the rules of everyone. That was the place in which after much deliberation and inner-fights I decided to put my trust in him. By then we had already expressed our feelings verbally and with actions such as kisses and hugs, but I wanted to move past that because I craved that closeness with someone, I wanted a stronger bond between us, but also out of spite, I wanted to prove that I was able to enjoy sex. I wanted to prove that what had happened no longer affected me. Out first time was a bit awkward, we were both virgins, Sasuke was overly conscious of making me feel comfortable and I just wanted it to be done with so our desired speed didn’t match, but it happened and it was fine. The second and third time around it was much better and now we reached a point in which intimacy with him doesn’t scare me in the least, I love it and it makes me feel amazing. I am aware that I’m not fully over the incident, the close proximity of strange men that I don’t know still bothers me at times, however, I am much stronger and able to protect myself, I am just...wary.

I end my train of thoughts by going back to the memory of our first time and it makes me giggle a little. Sasuke asks me with his eyes what I’m laughing about and my reply is only a smirk, I see the wheels spinning in his brain and the connections being made. I love that after so many years we’re able to just understand each other in this manner. He gets up from his chair and walks around the table to place his hand on the nape of my neck. “I can show you how much I’ve improved since than” he whispers and bends down to kiss me. I smile against his lips and loop my arms around his neck allowing him to pick me up.

I must have fallen asleep again because I am woken up this time by Naruto loudly knocking on my door. He left me alone yesterday because Sasuke was around but I guess even his long-lost best friend can’t keep his attention off of me for more than 24 hours. I look next to me and my heart hurts because Sasuke isn’t there. I tell myself it’s because he felt Naruto so he left, but I still don’t like that.

Naruto keep knocking on the door and I’m sure he’s about to tear it down if I don’t open it soon so I walk to it in my pjs with my hair a mess. When I open the door, he stops in his tracks. “Oh…” his eyes linger onto the scar on my shoulder, he has an obsession with it I’ve noticed. Does he believe that’s my biggest scar…if only he knew. “I didn’t know you were sleeping, I’m sorry”

“After yesterday’s mission the kids have the day off so I wanted to rest” I don’t assure him that it is ok even though I know that’s the polite thing to do. I am bitter and annoyed that Sasuke isn’t there. For a split moment when I woke up, I thought I had imagined his presence.

“I just wanted to bring these to you.” He says and presents me with a pile of papers. “I know you were given them before when Kakashi assigned you as their sensei” hah, like it was Kakashi’s idea. Hokage-sama wouldn’t have pushed me into being a sensei from a Black Ops and we all know that. I know Naruto pulled all of the strings to get me here, however, Kakashi-san is also to blame for allowing all of this to happen “but I think you should really read them well, you said you have a free day today. I can stay here with you and read them together”

I look at him and his easy-going smile. On normal days I’d try and be nice, but all I want to do today is spend my time in peace. “I heard Uchiha-san is back. Are you sure you want to spend the day with me reading about some kids rather than catch up with him?” I feel sorry for guiding Naruto towards Sasuke, but I know Sasuke and if he’s one thing, he’s good at not being found.

Upon hearing Sasuke’s name Naruto’s smile brightened to the extent that it actually hurt my eyes. “I already saw and talked to him today” He left before Naruto came here, was it before we ate? After? When did they meet? “We talked and agreed to go on a mission together this week” He’s leaving after I asked him to stay “We went to Kakashi and already got all the info, so I’ll spend a lot of time together with him and find out all about what he’s been up to in these years and I ---” Naruto keeps talking but I feel suffocated.