#everyone is multifaceted and not to get too deep but like people should be accepted as having ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ traits

[boynextdoorcoverpoison]

sungho can be yeppi AND gym bro. those are NOT mutually exclusive titles. trust me. I asked jaehyun myself.

[thickness-protection-program]

Hi, how's it hoe-in' yall? This one is for my awkward hoes.

So, I'm in my twenties and I've never been with anybody. My mom was super religious and made me so scared of sex growing up. Like, I had this fear that if I ever got married and I wasn't a virgin, people would somehow find out and I would be disgraced and punished in some way. I was very accepting of open sexuality but that was for other people, they could and should do them, but me? I had to appease the Gods. Now that don't make sense, but this social conditioning stuff never does.

One day after I turn 21, my mom suddenly goes "You should start dating. Go on different dates, get to know what you like in a man before you commit one day etc etc".

I was never allowed to date until I turned 18 and by that time I'd internalized it so much I just subconsciously kept to that rule even after I became 'old enough'. She obviously didn't want anything sexual going on but I was still SCANDALIZED!

Mother?!? Why hast thou suddenly bequeathed this world of sin onto mine own head?? My therapist also started saying stuff about me venturing out to explore my sexuality and I was like "!"

I told both of them I'd try but I had no intention of doing so. I went on for a couple of years like that. Just maintaining to my friends (and myself) that I was probably asexual so it was all cool or whatever. But at some point, earlier this year, it's like my hormones suddenly, finally kicked in (maybe it had something to do with moving away from my parents? Now that I think about it..) and I was like "hoe-ing isn't just okay for everyone else. It can be okay for ME too."

Like, we know virginity's a social construct and I truthfully wasn't invested in waiting for marriage. I was feeling very pan/bi and I DESERVED to explore that. I, personally, just needed people I felt I could trust enough to do that with. But that meant... Putting myself out there.

So one lovely February day. I took myself out on a date to try out this restaurant I came across online. In the reviews white people were complaining about the staff being rude and unprofessional and that's when I KNEW I had to go 😝. It was huge and hella empty. There were two other people there but they sat around a corner so I couldn't see or hear them from where I was. The waiter came through and after showing me my seat, we made some small talk before I ordered. He started low-key flirting with me and that's when I let myself see him in a different way. He had these beautiful coarse lashes and thick brows, nice lips and his skin was luxuriously deep. YES LAWD. So I flirted back.

I'm not gonna lie. I was subconsciously trying to sabotage that shit. He was asking me what kind of places I liked to go to (before that he'd told me that he liked partying and clubbing) so I just went on about art galleries and museums like "maybe he'll be like ughh NERD😒." but, alas, people are multifaceted and he was into it. I took this as a sign from the universe to just let go and see where things would take me.

There was a weird section of time where he just stood across the room and watched me eat because there was no-one there and nothing for him to do. I hate being watched and got very self conscious so I tried to eat ✨sexily✨. Nothing suggestive, I was just trying not look awkward lol.

After that we exchanged numbers and the flirting got more intense. I'd been managing to play it cool up until then but I became a giggly bitch near the end.

I walked out that restaurant feeling like a BOSS. I was putting myself out there like a #realhumanbeing and I was just strutting around slightly smiling mysteriously like the Mona Lisa for the rest of the day. But.. 😤

But nightfall came and suddenly I was overwhelmed with anxiety. What if he calls or messages me? What if the date goes well? What if he wants to KISS me at some point?

It seemed more scary now than anything. I was praying that he wouldn't contact me. He seemed to be having problems with his phone earlier and I was like "Lord, break that phone. Finish it off. KO that thing like Chun Li in Street Fighter. Send it to hell along with my number!"

And I got my wish. Whether it was his phone breaking or he just changed his mind, I was so relieved! I celebrated after 2 weeks had gone by and I'd heard nothing from him.

So maybe I'm not quite ready to put myself out there? Or this is an endeavor I need to commit to once and for all. I'm in this awkward space where I'm questioning my sexuality (again), but it's a question of whether I may just be asexual (with a sex drive that I want to satiate by myself) or this is from those years of intense religious conditioning making it hard to start that part of my life up.

At this point, I can't even imagine myself kissing an actual person. I get kinda queasy thinking about it. Not in a grossed out way but more like "Zoinks!! that person would have to touch me.. Intimately."

So that's that. For the awkward hoes, the scared hoes and the inexperienced hoes. This may be something I have to face off with soon but I'm just chilling at the moment. And happy to know that I can at least be a hoe in my heart for now.

"Happy to know that I can at least be a hoe in my heart" YES! Being a hoe is not an action, it's a feeling, and I fully support you on your journey to self hoe discovery. Whether you're ace or just awkward or even an awkward ace I'm glad you're able to embrace your hoeness after much repression

[kemifatoba]

C/O Berlin Magazine | It’s a space for everyone, and everyone can come in — Thoughts for the future

“I cringe when I hear words like ‘diversity’ and ‘inclusion.” To quote the civil rights activist, philosopher, and writer Angela Davis, “diversity” and “inclusion” are terms that you, dear reader, might have also stumbled across in recent months, whether you wanted to or not. Inspired by global Black Lives Matter protests, mainstream media, corporations, and other institutions finally realized – in some cases as it seems overnight – that racism is also an intractable problem in Germany. Unfortunately, we need more than just hollow words and empty promises to solve this problem. You might be thinking to yourself: “But didn’t people take to the streets or write opinion pieces in newspapers to protest structural racism? And didn’t major institutions promise to offer diversity and inclusion workshops in discussion after discussion on television?” Perhaps, but don’t be fooled. Instead of critically questioning the role that white decision-makers play in perpetuating systemic racism, “society” was blamed. Over and over again, Black* people were asked to answer if they had really experienced racism through scrutiny of their real-life stories, while predominantly white “experts” were invited onto talk shows to discuss the so-called “racism debate”. Profound, structural changes are still lacking, at least as of the time this text goes to print. 

Presence equals power. This brings us to the current moment where you are reading these words about British photographer Nadine Ijewere’s solo show at C/O Berlin. Nadine Ijewere is the first Black woman to be given a space that has previously been occupied almost exclusively by white men. As such, this exhibition is significant not only for Black photographers, but for everyone more used to being treated as the object than the artist or curator in spaces like this where many people don’t feel welcome or simply don’t exist. As trivial as it may sound, visibility comes from being able to hang pictures on a wall—or write these lines.

Joy as an act of resistance. Nadine Ijewere belongs to a generation of artists and creatives who have realized that there are more options than simply following the traditional path. Knowing that society has long since changed—even if many gatekeepers in fashion, art, and the media still cling to the status quo—this DIY generation is creating its own platforms to elevate their own role models with an army of loyal followers. In their work, representatives of this generation create worlds that rarely center Eurocentric beauty norms. The same goes for this young British artist, whose work shows people in all their beauty and uniqueness. Her photographs regularly appear on the pages of British, American and Italian Vogue, i-D, or Garage, and she has collaborated with brands such as Nina Ricci and Stella McCartney. Ijewere proves that beauty is multifaceted and that fashion is fun and for everyone. 

More than a seat at the table. When artists like Ijewere make it to the top, it’s not because of nepotism, tokenism, or diversity as a trend, but despite all the obstacles that have been put in their way. And instead of assimilating after being accepted by the old guard, they continue to write their own rules. In Ijewere’s case, this means not only working with diverse models and teams, but also passing her knowledge on as a mentor to keep the proverbial door open. She’s less driven by the desire to stand out from the mainstream than she is to give back by inspiring younger generations, who are able to see themselves in magazines. “Within the time I have, I’ll use every opportunity I get and every space I can get into to expand the horizon of others.”

Representation matters. Celebrating Black people and people of color in a traditionally white space was also the goal of “Visibility is key – #RepresentationMatters,” a watershed moment for the German lifestyle magazine industry when it launched on vogue.de in spring 2019. The goal was to take first steps toward a forward-thinking future where inclusion and diversity would no longer be mere buzzwords, but lived practices. Part of that effort meant ensuring representation in front of as well as behind the camera. The results weren’t perfect and they might not have led to social change, but we proved that there isn’t a lack of creative talent among Black and Brown people in Germany. If anything, we proved that these talents are often denied the space to develop their full potential. 

Ideas for the future. As you see, dear reader, it takes teamwork to bring about long-term change, and for the first time the doors are open a bit. Nadine Ijewere's exhibition shows this, as does being able to write these very words in the C/O Berlin Newspaper. In the statements below, we asked German and international artists and creatives to envision a future where representation and inclusion are lived practices instead of rare exceptions. The results are ideas for a future that is reachable—as long as we all keep working towards it every day. Together.

Nadine Ijewere, artist Art is about art. It’s not about you personally. That’s why artists need to be seen as artists. We all get stereotyped and put into the same box—but we have our own identity. We are put into the same space just because we are Black, but we are all very different people.

Edward Enninful, OBE, Editor-in-Chief of British Vogue Nadine is one of the leading fashion photographers of her generation. She’s not only inherently British in her work, she’s also Black British. She really understands the complex mix of culture, fashion, beauty, and the inner working of a woman, so when you see her images, it’s never just a photograph. There’s also a story and a narrative behind it.

Benjamin Alexander Huseby & Serhat Işık, designers for the label GmbH Our work has always been about wanting to show our community and culture to tell our stories as authentically as we can. It was never about “diversity”, but about being seen. We want to create a world where not only exceptional Black and Brown talents no longer have to be truly exceptional to get recognition for their work, a world where we no longer are the only non-white person in the room because we built the motherfucking house ourselves.

Mohamed Amjahid, freelance journalist and author, whose book Der weiße Fleck will be published by Piper Verlag on March 1, 2021. It's time that Black women become bosses. Gay Arabs should get to call the shots. Refugees belong on the executive boards of big corporations. Children of so-called “guest workers” should move into management positions too. People with disabilities should not just have a say, they should make the decisions. Vulnerable groups deserve to put their talents and ideas to work in the service of the whole society. Not every person of color is automatically a good leader by virtue of their background, but all-white, cis-male executive boards are certainly incapable of making decisions that are right for everyone. That’s why we need more representation at the very top, where the decisions are made.

Melisa Karakuş, founder of renk., the first German-Turkish magazine For a better future, I demand that we educate our children to be anti-racist and to resist when others or when they themselves are subjected to racism. I demand that discrimination is understood through the lens of intersectionality and solidarity! I demand that even those who are not affected by racism stand up against it! This fight is not one that we as Black people and people of color fight alone—for a better future, we all have to work together. 

Tarik Tesfu, host of shows including the NDR talk show deep und deutlich When I look in the mirror, I see someone who grew up in the Ruhr region and loves currywurst with French fries as much as Whitney Houston. I see a person who has his pros and cons and who is so much more than his skin color. I see a subject. But the German media and cultural system seem to see it differently because far too often, Black people are degraded and made into objects for the reproduction of racist bullshit. I'm tired of explaining racism to Annette and Thomas because I really have better things to do (for example, my job). So get out of my light and let me shine.

Ronan Mckenzie, photographer The future of our industry needs to be one with more consideration for those that are within it. One that isn’t shrouded in burnout and the stresses of late payments, and one that doesn’t make anyone question whether they have been booked for the quality of their work or to be tokenized for the color of their skin. The future of our industry needs to go beyond the performative Instagram posts and mean-nothing awards, to truly sharing resources and lifting up one another. Our industry needs to put its money where its mouth is when words like “support”, “community” or “diversity” slip out, instead of using buzzwords that create an illusion of championing us. How there can be so much money in this industry yet so many struggle to keep up with their rent, feed themselves, or just rest without worrying about money is truly a travesty. If this industry is to survive then we who make it what it is need to be able to thrive.

Ferda Ataman, journalist and chair of Neue deutsche Medienmacher*innen A recent survey of the country's most important editors-in-chief revealed that many of them think diversity is good, but they don't want to do anything about it. This is based on the assumption that everyone good will succeed. Unfortunately, that’s not true. It’s not just a person’s qualifications that are decisive, but other criteria as well, such as similarity and habit (“XY fits in with us”). It's high time that all of us—everywhere—demand a serious commitment to openness and diversity. Something is seriously wrong in pure white spaces that can’t be explained by people’s professional qualifications alone. Or to put it differently: a good diversity strategy always has an anti-racist effect.

Nana Addison, founder of CURL CON and CURL Agency Being sustainable and inclusive means thinking about all skin tones, all hair textures, and all body shapes—in the beauty industry, in marketing communications, as well as in the media landscape. These three industries work hand in hand in shaping people’s perceptions of themselves and others. It’s important to take responsibility and be proactive and progressive to ensure inclusivity.

Dogukan Nesanir, stylist  The current system is not designed to help minorities. By giving advantages to certain people and groups, it automatically deprives others of the chance to attain certain positions in the first place. That's why I don't even ask myself the question "What if?" anymore. My work is not about advancing a fake worldview, but about highlighting all the real in the good and the bad. I strongly believe that if some powerful gatekeepers gave in, if representation and diversity happened behind the scenes and we had the chance to show what the world REALLY looks like, we wouldn't be having these discussions at all. I don't just want an invitation to the table, I want to own the table and change things.

Arpana Aischa Berndt & Raquel Dukpa, editors of the catalog I See You – Thoughts on the Film “Futur drei” In the German film and television industry, production teams and casting directors are increasingly looking for a “diverse” cast. Casting calls are almost exclusively formulated by white people who profit from telling stories of people of color and Black people by using them, but without changing their own structures in the process. Application requirements and selection processes in film schools even shut out marginalized people by denying them the opportunities that come with being in these institutions. People of color and migrants as well as Black, indigenous, Jewish, queer, and disabled people can all tell stories, too. Production companies need to understand that expertise doesn’t necessarily come with a film degree.

Vanessa Vu & Minh Thu Tran, hosts of the podcast Rice and Shine  It may be convenient to ignore entire groups, but we are and have been so much more for a very long time. We contribute to culture by making films or plays and bring new perspectives to science, politics, and journalism. We’re Olympic athletes, curators, artists, singers, dancers, and inventors. We dazzle and shine despite not always being seen. Because we have each other and we’ve created opportunities to do the things we love. We’ve created platforms for each other and built communities. Slowly but surely we are finally getting applause and recognition for the fact that we exist. That's nice. But what we really need is not just the opportunity to exist, but the opportunity to continue to grow and to stop basing our work primarily on self-exploitation. We need security, reliability, and money. That's the hard currency of recognition. That would mean being truly seen.

*Black is a political self-designation and is capitalized to indicate that being Black is about connectedness due to shared experiences of racism.

Written by: Alexandra Bondi de Antoni & Kemi Fatoba C/O Berlin Magazine April 2021

[friendamedes]

i would like your missy thoughts

i haven’t spent too long putting it into neat words so it’s very rambley, and also unedited i’m very sorry about that, but it basically boils down to a) missy doesn’t know who she is and b) missy benefits from people assuming she is one way or another even if it’s not true

an earlier character analysis post of mine is linked in the body of this, but if you don’t want to go looking or want to start off with that, here it is (about the vault).

a) i don’t think missy knows who she is

missy’s creation (regeneration) & death are cyclical—her death caused her life, and by the time of her death she’s changed a TON. so i do think that from the moment she starts to exist she has no idea who she is. (she probably struggles with a lot of self-hatred due to the circumstances of her last death, even if she doesn’t exactly remember the details!!!!)

missy changes her name! from the get-go it’s established that she has a shaky, uneven sense of self. she is no longer The Master, even if she’s still the same person. she’s someone similar, but not exactly the same. her first introduction establishes that she doesn’t even have her own voice. In Deep Breath, she says, “... I do like his new accent, though,” to the half-face man. “Think I might keep it.”

i don’t think she entirely failed in her cyberman plot, because i don’t think she’s entirely upfront and honest with why she puts it into motion. she wants the doctor’s companionship (missy is a desperately lonely character), and she wants to re-establish who she is (by doing something capital E Evil). 

(and she’s struggling with her identity in s10 even more. if she isn’t The Master anymore, who is she? if she doesn’t have basic, surface-level character traits, what’s left? what does she have to confront that she’s been lying to herself about? with everyone else, she lets herself wear the mask they think is her face, but the doctor never thought that, and left alone with him, she has to find out what she really looks like. and i think that scares her a lot, even if she’d never admit it). 

b) she lets you think that she is who you think she should be

missy is fully aware that she comes off as flighty, unpredictable, pretty—she knows that you’ll underestimate her and read her at a surface level, at least at first, and she relies on it. missy lies to you. taking from her original introduction and her character throughout s8/s9 and deciding that she’s cheerful or happy all the time is a mistake.

(this is the issue i have with big finish’s missy audios, honestly! they’re very fun but they don’t lend her any depth of character or let her have moments of quiet/character development. she is capable of good and being multifaceted on her own. she does not need the doctor, even if she would prefer his company.)

she’s incredibly repressed and sad! in s10 Eaters of Light, she asks the doctor, “I don't even know why I'm crying. Why? Why do I keep doing that now?” missy isn’t even used to crying! she’s not used to expressing her emotions at all, let alone in a healthy way that doesn’t include murder or burning things down.

(like i mentioned in this post, which i’d mentioned earlier that i’d link, missy has the CAPACITY to do good before s10, she just doesn’t do it often. and yes, her definition of doing good differs from the doctor’s, and the show usually puts the doctor’s definition as The Definition Of Goodness, which is neither here nor there—but she helps people, because she cares about their survival. maybe she doesn’t do it often because it goes against her established identity, and she doesn’t know what to do without that. maybe she doesn’t do it because it’s boring, or she thinks it’s a waste of time. probably a combination of those and other reasons!)

anyway. i don’t really know how to wrap this up—but i do want to leave you with the thought of davies’s doctors, and how lonely they are, how desperate they are for another time lord or companion. how it’s acceptable for ten to be frustrated that he’s always the smartest person in the room, the last of his kind, and the solace they find in their human companions. and i just want to remind you that missy doesn’t let herself trust humans, doesn’t see them as worth her time. (perhaps sees befriending them as inappropriate or dirty, even, considering her comments in World Enough And Time!) and i kind of wanted to ask: why is it okay for a character played by a man to want companionship that is Enough, but when a woman wants that it’s boring or it makes her weaker?

[filmmakerdreamst]

Xena: Warrior Princess Review

During Pride Month 2020, I finally got around to watch ‘Xena’. A show that had been in my to-watch list for years, but never got around to start. And when I finally did, I was pleasantly surprised. It was not what I expected and it was everything I think my 11 year old self would have loved.

The one thing that surprised me about the show, was the lack of packaging. Even though it was a fantasy, it also played with different kinds of genres too. I’ve talked about this before in my other review - ‘Xena’ was made at a time when TV had very few rules/rarely had a set audience, since there were parts of the show that were clearly for kids and there were other parts that were clearly for adults (therefore had much more flexibility). I admired how they weren’t afraid to break barriers and touch on deep themes such as religion, morality, redemption, spirituality, motherhood, forgiveness etc - even more than shows of today are able. I also loved how they played into the idea of ‘murder’ and how much it can damage a person - not just the person who commits the act, but the many people affected afterwards. I wasn’t expecting it to be that extreme. It made me think that this must of been the inspiration for ‘Game of Thrones’. 

I see a lot of comments here and there, saying how ‘cheesy and terrible’ it was but to just accept it because its part of the fun. And while like any show it does suffer from the occasional spell of bad writing (the whole of season 5) but it was also shown to be very aware of that fact and never took itself too seriously - unlike some shows I could mention. 

And regarding the ‘cheese’ factor (what 90s show wasn’t) It definitely can be, but I would call it ‘camp’ and ‘experimental’ more than anything else. (Don’t diss the poor use of CGI - I’m personally sympathetic to what was avaliable to them at the time) The style of humour reminded me of Taika Waititi’s filmmaking. If you’ve watched any of his films such as ‘Hunt for The Wilderpeople’ or ‘Jojo Rabbit’, then you know what I’m talking about. I liked how little they cared about being accurate or logical, which added to the ‘bonkers’ element in the show - which you can see in all of Taika Waititi’s films.

In all seriousness, a show centered around two women in their late twenties, who are realistic sizes (not trying to play teenagers). One of whom is a reformed mass murderer, who has lived a life experience, trying to do good in the world for the first time, picking the other one up who has no life experience prior (after they bugged them until they said ‘ok fine’) in their path to redemption. Just two women who become friends travelling the world together, fighting crime, having a laff, learning from one another without any toxicity - when suddenly when the stakes are raised - they realise ‘oh I'm actually falling in love with this person’ I have watched a lot of badly written shows in my childhood enough to know that, that’s not ‘cheesy’. I’ve never seen a story like that in my entire life. I’m not at all surprised that Russel T Davis was inspired by it while writing the Doctor and Rose’s relationship in ‘Doctor Who’ since he’s gay himself.

What’s more amazing about their love story is how they’re both develop as separate people as well. There was this video essay explaining ‘Why you should watch Angel’ the spin off series to Buffy; how ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer ‘was all about growing up and ‘Angel’ was all about being an adult. With Xena: Warrior Princess, you have both of those stories at the same time. 

Xena’s character was such a multifaceted experience to watch. And I can’t imagine anyone else who could play her as well as Lucy Lawless. What planet did they get that actress from? She's flawless! The amount of skill she has to put herself into a very physical role is astonishing. I personally had a love/hate relationship with her character all series long. Not in the way that I hated her, just that I couldn’t trust if she was all good or bad, which I know was intentional on the writers part. I haven’t seen a character quite like her before. She felt very much like a fallen angel; almost like the villain of her own story. Some of my favourite episodes come from fleshing out her character and dark past (‘Locked up and Tied Down’ is one of them) which reminds the audience that's she's not the stereotypical hero everyone expects. I loved her transformation from being this incredibly stoic warrior to being content and happy with who she is in season six, all because of a woman she fell in love with along the way. 

I’ve always thought of Gabrielle as the real hero and narrator of ‘Xena’. She’s the prime example of ‘a normal person becoming extrodinary’. Gabrielle’s coming of age story starting out as an innocent girl from a poor village dreaming of adventure, and ending as this vicious warrior who realises the ‘adventure’ wasn’t how she made it out to be is honestly the best character arc that I’ve ever seen. I loved how travelling with Xena made her realise her passion for writing (which was never going to happen in her home town, given the ‘sexist’ and ‘heteronormative’ ideas) and that she became a amazon princess like Xena. In regards to her sexuality, which is more up for debate than Xena’s (which I think we can all agree is bisexual) I personally interpret her as gay, just in terms of how she was written. Theres this moment in season 4 where she's being held up her hair, and Xena “symbolically” cuts it off ‘freeing her’. And she never really gets with a man afterwards, unless she’s being ‘possessed. It reminded me of a moment in one of Hayao Miyasaki’s films ‘Laputa, Castle in the Sky’ where the bad guy Moska shoots Sheeta’s ‘princess hair off’ which symbolises her transition from child to adult.

The cinematography was breathtaking. There was some great utilisation of New Zealand as the scenery. So was the soundtrack. You could tell it was made by experienced filmmakers. One of my favourite things about the show was the domestic elements - moments in the show where time seemed to stop - which made the world around the characters seem very real and magical. Even though it was a show that featured a lot of action/adventure, there was also this gentleness to it as well. For example, you could feel the wetness of the rain, the warmth of the sun and the clashing of the waves. This technique is used in Hayao Miayasaki’s work a lot .

The technique is referred to as ‘MA’ 空虚 meaning emptiness in Japanese. ‘Miyasaki describes this as the time between a clap’

“If you just have non stop action, with no breathing space at all, its just busyness. But if you take a moment, then the tension building in the film can grow into a wider dimension” - Hayao Miyasaki

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The episode ‘A Day in the Life’ in season two is a really good example of this technique being used.

To my understanding, they used a lot of the local actors in New Zealand, which according to Lucy Lawless, consisted of ‘African immigrants and other different ethnicites’. It was so refreshing to see such a diverse show (despite some slip ups) especially in the 90s. I appreciated the idea that if the actors or extras couldn’t do an ‘american accent’ people could just talk in their natural speech which was also very refreshing. 

The LGBT representation was surprisingly amazing. I never expected so many queer characters in one show - especially under the censors. There was this one episode where they had a trans woman - played by an actual trans actress - win a beauty contest. It made me cry. Not to mention the actress was an aids activist. It was actually Lucy Lawless’ idea to kiss her which was incredibly controversial at that time considering how everyone thought you could catch aids just by kissing. I can definitey see how it validated people back in the 90s.

When people told me that Xena: Warrior Princess was one of the greatest love stories, I thought they were exaggerating a little. But no, watching the show in context, I found out that it really is. Despite its obvious restrictions, It made me realise (regarding token gay couples today) how often television writers rely on physicality and drama to convey a ‘love story’ and how much of it is actually pandering the audience. One of the reasons why Xena and Gabrielle’s relationship felt so genuine is because it was built on mutual respect/compassion and they were also best friends. I felt like I was witnessing something very real and private. It didn’t need kissing scenes or drama to make it interesting. 

It really helped that most of the writers were queer also. There’s this opening scene in season 4, panning over to Gabrielle giving Xena a massage (metaphor for sex - because they weren’t able to show that on screen) which I consider to be one of the most iconic scenes in media - considering how I wanted to sick up my supper when I watched the 10 minute ‘empty’ explicit sex scene in ‘Blue in the Warmest Colour’. The difference when something is written by a queer women vs a straight man.

Because the creators weren’t allowed to write their love story in the normal way, due to the studio forbidding them to, they found creative ways to showcase that love on screen - which made for a very magical/sensual experience. And I can safely say, if anyone has doubts about watching ‘Xena’, whenever I expected to be queer baited at a few points in the show, I was proved wrong time and time again. It’s the most romantical show I’ve ever seen in my life!

[phoenixfell]

Protecting Yourself & Creating a Good Experience

An unfortunate post necessitated by recent events.  The unfortunate truth of reality is that we, as non-psychic human beings, are unable to determine with certainty the motives of other humans around us.  If someone claims to have good intentions but are hurting you, are they simply presenting themselves poorly or are they lying entirely?  This is a question you can never truly answer, but here I will guide you through some ways to protect yourself while being kind to yourself and others.

You may reblog this if you’d like.  

Although this post was created specifically in response to the turmoil in the Avatar: The Last Airbender fandom, it’s not specific to this exact situation and the purpose is not to take a side.  The purpose is to encourage everyone to do their part in ending hateful behavior and crafting a good community.   

Contents:

0.  Don’t send mean asks to people 1.  Install an IP Tracker on your blog. 1.a (How to) Install an IP Blocker on your blog. 2.  Curating your Experience 3.  Making First Contact 4.  Analyzing a Message 5.  Fiction as Fiction VS Fiction as Reality 6.  The Author’s Duty 7.  Echo Chambers & Lateral Thinking 8.  Accepting Differing Opinions 9.  Good Intentions (Pave the Road to Hell) 10.  Being Mean is Fun (so do it in non-harmful ways) 11.  Morality (Personal, Community, and Legal)

0.  Don’t send mean asks to people.

You know, I saw a post some time ago on the internet that basically said:  Why do we see so many posts teaching people how to avoid being raped and virtually nothing telling people not to rape others?  So, as obvious as this may sound, I’m going to give you a gentle reminder to not send mean asks to people.

Perhaps you are angry.  Perhaps something else is bothering you.  Perhaps you honestly feel like you are doing the right thing.  These feelings are entirely valid and I understand.  However, being mean to someone else on the internet is not going to solve anything.  At best, it’s going to get you ignored and at worst, it’s going to actively escalate things.  

If you feel down, depressed, or upset, consider this service:  https://www.crisistextline.org/

US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808

It’s a confidential service that will help support you.

On the other hand, if you feel like you genuinely have a bone to pick with someone, take a step back.  Get a cup of coffee, or tea; watch a YouTube video, and later on in this post we’ll discuss cooperative problem solving, the importance of word choice, and how to deescalate a situation.  

1.  Install an IP Tracker on your blog.

This is a very simple and completely legal process.  The easiest way to do so is to sign up for Statcounter.  This is a website for market and visitor analysis, but it does IP tracking for free, which is what we’re looking for.  The site will even guide you through installing it.  However--do not post it into the description.  In my experiences, this does not work.  Instead, click Edit HTML, search for <body>, and paste it directly underneath that.

For this to work most effectively, make sure that you have the Timestamps extension enabled within the inbox in XKit.  If you do not have XKit installed, you can find directions on their Tumblr page, here:  https://new-xkit-extension.tumblr.com/

1.a.  (How to) Install an IP Blocker on your blog.

Although Tumblr claims to give you the ability to IP Block through the inbox by blocking anonymous asks, many people have expressed doubts that it actually works.  Therefore, here’s an explanation showing you how to do it yourself.  There are three steps to this, all taking place in the Edit HTML section we’ve left off in last section.

1.

Directly below where the web analytics code above ends, paste this:

<script type="text/javascript" src="https://l2.io/ip.js?var=userip"></script>

2.

Directly below the previous command, paste this:

<script>

function ipBlock() {        var ip = userip;     //example: "0.0.0.0", "5.5.5.5", "3.3.3.3",     var bannedips=[         "155.555.55.55"     ];     var handleips=bannedips.join("|");     handleips=new RegExp(handleips, "i");            if (ip.search(handleips)!=-1){ 

                window.location.replace("http://www.tumblr.com");        } 

} </script>

You can customize this script in a few ways.  First, bannedips needs to be the ip(s) you wish to block.  You can add more by separating them by commas and enclosing them in quotes, as the example shows.  Secondly, in the window.location.replace line, you can insert any valid address.  Here are some suggestions I give people:

Tumblr homepage.  Basic and effective.

A link to a Google search of something, e.g. How to not send mean asks on the internet

Your own tumblr blog, so they get stuck in a refresh loop

A similarly spelled but nonexistent blog, to give the illusion you deleted/moved 

3.  

Finally, add onload=“ipBlock()” to your body tag:

<body onload = "ipBlock()">

That should be everything to get it working.  If you want to test it, click the link in step two, copy and paste the IP address that is displayed into the bannedips, save, and visit your blog.  If it’s working right, you should get thrown off.   

If you don’t want your IP Block active, just remove step three and return your tag to <body>.  

2.  Curating Your Experience

Although Tumblr itself does not allow the functionality, there are ways to ensure that certain words do not appear on your dashboard.  XKit has a blacklist feature which will hide posts containing certain words.  Also of note is the wildcard feature, which is accessed by adding an asterisk after the word, ex.

nsfw   ->  Only blocks exactly that word and that tag nsfw*  ->  Will block any word or tag containing that phrase

However, I would like to gently notify you that there is significant research that actively avoiding content does more harm than good!  Only you can know what is best for you, but there is a such thing as excessive avoidance.  

3.  Making First Contact

If there’s anything you take from this post, please let it be this one thing:

Always be kind.  At first.  Then tear them a new one if necessary.  

The inevitable happens.  As far as you can tell, you’re minding your own business on your blog.  Your ask box lights up and you perk up, wondering which of your friends is reaching out to you.

Instead, the message is nasty, condemning you for your support of your favorite ship and the theme of your blog.

You’re upset, of course!  And you have every right to be!  You put a lot of time and effort into this blog and your ship, and to have someone so coldly butt in--you can feel the frustration mounting!  Tears are glistening and your body trembles as you type up a strongly worded essay and--

Stop.

It’s okay.

Take a deep breath and step away from your emotions for a minute.  Your emotions are valid-- but so are the sender’s.  

Instead of starting a fight, be kind.  It may hurt.  You may not want to be, but I promise you it’s worth it.  Here’s a template response:

Hi, anon.  I’m really sorry that you feel this way about [thing] and will gladly take it into consideration in the future.  Could you please tell me more about why you dislike [thing]?  If you’d like to take some time to gather your thoughts, I’d be happy to discuss this issue with you.  

Let me confess something.  I don’t suggest this out of pure kindness.  I suggest this because their response will tell you what you need to know.  Remember how the intro talked about how people’s intentions are incredibly hard to figure out?  This is a little trick I like to use to get them to play their cards.  

There are three possible responses:  They respond angrily, they respond kindly and respectfully, or they don’t respond at all.

In the first case, you may get something that resorts to expletives.  They may call you names.  They may tell you to delete your blog or any other amount of nasty things.  It’s very likely that your very attempt at kindness will anger this person!  This is a troll/bully whose sole interest is to get you upset and get themselves attention.  At this point, you can safely delete and ignore the messages without any guilt.  

In the second case, you have a person with a genuine grievance who just happened to address it poorly.  Both of you have a duty to humanity to resolve the problem respectfully and politely.  You’ve avoided escalating the conflict, you may learn something new and you may even make a new friend!

This also applies to reaching out to someone for the first time.  You see someone doing something you don’t like.  Oh, it just makes you blind with rage!

Again.  I’m going to advise you to stop. Take a deep breath.  No one responds well to name-calling and being condemned.  There’s a few techniques you can use (see if you can spot them in the template message):

Listen to their opinions

Actively ask to hear their opinion

Ask for clarification

Validate the way they feel

Avoid casting blame 

(These techniques work a lot in real life, too!)

Again, there are some genuinely scummy people in life!  But, there are many, many more ignorant people.  A gentle pointer goes much further than yelling and screaming.  

4.  Analyzing a Message

We’ve all been there.  We’ve gotten a message and we’ve panicked--do they hate me now?!  Is this a troll message or genuine criticism?!

Again.  Relax.  Push aside your emotions and focus on the logical words as they appear before you.  Ask yourself if you are reading a tone that doesn’t exist.  For example, not everyone puts active thought into choosing between “ok”, “Ok”, “okay”, “Okay”, “ok.” etc.  Sometimes an ok is just that.  An ok.  

Break the message into parts.  Find the logical structures and decipher them piece by piece.  Someone who throws some very hurtful words into a message may indeed have a point, despite coming off as very crude.  Accept that different parts of a message may mean different things.  The world is very complicated and multifaceted.  Try to avoid sticking labels to things.  

5.  Fiction as Fiction VS Fiction as Reality

I’ve seen a lot of arguments floating around recently that seem to think that these two ideas exist in a vacuum.  It’s simply not true.  The ideas are entwined intrinsically--Fiction is both fiction and reality.  Fiction was created to mimic reality yet extend it far beyond what can happen in the confines of reality.  What happens in reality impacts fiction and what happens in fiction impacts reality.  

This is undeniable.  

Both of these ideas exist, and as the author it is your duty to figure out what that means for you.

You cannot hide behind Fiction as Fiction to ignore your responsibilities as an author.

You cannot hide behind Fiction as Reality to promote censorship.  

Both of these ideas are far too simple for the complicated world we live in.  A complicated concept requires complicated solutions.  

Every word you write has an impact on the people that reads it.  This is the very definition of writing.  We use writing as a tool to share emotions.  Extend empathy.  We use writing to make people cry, to make people laugh, to make people angry.  

To deny that this impact exists is to deny what writing is.  

But censorship is not an option.  Censorship prevents these stories from being told, and quite frankly, no one should have the right to decide what story should and shouldn’t be told, regardless of what is in that story.  

What is the solution then?  There is no easy answer. 

6.  The Author’s Duty

When you put words before another human being, it becomes your responsibility as a moral individual to give your best effort into ensuring that those words have a positive impact on the individual.

This doesn’t mean not making them cry.  Or not making them upset.  It means ensuring that the morals you impart on them are sound and logical.  

How one achieves this is up to you.  

In general, tone makes all the difference.  Writing murder in a positive light versus writing murder in a negative light can drastically alter how the audience perceives your scene.  

Empathy, too, can help sway your audience.  If your writing must involve racist police officers stopping a young black man, make sure you delve into how unfair this is, how terrifying it is, how this needs to change.  Do not normalize it.  Do not let it go by without a somber note indicating your awareness of the topic.  

Sometimes, the solution is to simply avoid the issue.  There are certain topics that only some individuals should write about, and that’s just how it is.  This isn’t to say that you can’t write about it, but keep that writing private.  

Most importantly, do your research, and ask for help and keep an open mind.  It’s a grave responsibility and you may not do it right and that’s okay!  Everyone is capable of learning.  Everyone is capable of changing.  

7.  Echo Chambers & Lateral Thinking

An echo chamber is a phenomenon where an individual’s exposure to certain topics becomes self-enforcing because they don’t see, or actively avoid, differing opinions.  

Echo chambers are also exactly what happens when a rift this massive opens in a small community.  

When Orange blocks Green and starts posting about it, all of Orange’s friends decide whether they agree or not.  The overwhelming majority, due to peer pressure, will agree.  Many of them will then block Green and the users directly associated with them.  In retaliation, Green will defend themselves.  Because Orange’s group had already blocked Green, Green’s friends only seen Green’s point of view and will rise in response to the perceived slight.  

What results are two heavily biased groups of users that refuse to communicate with one another and many individuals swept into the mess because they don’t wish to be isolated.   

Even worse, it turns a complicated and multi-faceted issue into a binary issue.  Either you agree with Orange or you agree with Green.  The world is not this simple.  

Instead, I would encourage everyone to practice lateral thinking of their own accord.  I would encourage you to make your own decisions, rather than blindly supporting or condemning the people around you.  Everyone has their own opinions about what is or isn’t okay, and that’s perfectly fine.  Even your closest friends will have different opinions than you.  

8.  Accepting Differing Opinions 

Once you’ve accepted these different opinions (good on you!) what do you do now?  Simply put, the choice is on you!  There’s a few options:

Quietly accept it

Respectfully debate it

Avoid it

Escalate it

The first two are pretty obvious, and the third one is where blocking people and the blacklist comes in.

The fourth one is extreme and only recommended for activities causing active, known, measurable harm to other people.  

This involves actively seeking a legal entity to handle the issue.

Being mean to people on Tumblr is not a solution.  Tumblr is not a place to pursue a justice agenda.  There are bigger issues in the world, and I encourage you to find ways to make a difference that will actually be fruitful.  Donate to charities.  Extend yourself as support to victims.  Contribute to research.  

Changing the mind of strangers on the internet is not a good use of your time.  

9.  Good Intentions (Pave the Road To Hell)

This has been a phrase for a very long time.  

What does it mean?

Well, I’ll offer my own interpretation.  

It means that people often become absorbed with the idea that they are doing the right thing and forget to be mindful of the true consequences of their actions.  

It doesn’t mean to not do good things.  It means that good is relative and not everyone will find your actions good.  It’s important to keep an open mind and realize that just because you think something is good, doesn’t mean everyone agrees.  

10.  Being Mean is Fun (so do it in non-harmful ways)

Yeah.  

It’s okay.  You can admit it.

Being mean is fun!

If it wasn’t fun, people wouldn’t do it!  In fact, this very blog was created because I found that writing the character being mean was very enjoyable and cathartic!  

So, if you find yourself tempted to be mean to people in your life, maybe find another way to get those emotions out.  Hell, people on tumblr just might appreciate you taking up a nasty, villainous character that’ll tear their character up...

People love angst.  You can take this bad thing and twist it into something good.  

11.  Morality (Personal, Community, and Legal)

Bringing this long post to a close, I would like you all to end by thinking about what morality really is.  In particular, I’d like you to think about morality on three different scales:  Your personal morality, the morality of the community you’re in, and morals as described by laws.

You’ll find that these morals don’t overlap.  

Or, at least they shouldn’t. Please revisit section 7.  

Being aware of morality in these three ways may help you determine how to proceed when going forward.

Do I personally agree with this? Does the community I’m in agree with this? Do the laws have anything to say about this? 

None of these are right.  Everything has different morals, and it’s up to you to find the exact opinions that fit you.  

Don’t let people blindly tell you how you should and shouldn’t feel about a topic, and don’t let people bully you into changing your morals to fit into their perceived moral high ground.  

But at the same time, be open.  Extend yourself to new ideas.  If enough people tell you that something is wrong, it just may be time to listen.

Be you.

Be unique.

Be safe.

And above all, be kind.  

Have a nice night, everyone.  I hope we can all work to a brighter future.  

[manateesofshield]

Parting Shot

With this tag game, I want to know the answers to these five (5) questions and then tag 5 or more mutuals. Wasn’t tagged but want to join? Join in ! Everyone is an essential part of this fandom! Name from @ agent.of.shield_ on Instagram ( @agents-of-fangirling ) who had a great idea to post a picture of yourself with a drink (or just a drink) and tag it #partingshot as a finale goodbye to the show (which I also am going to post tomorrow on IG).

I was tagged by @ragazzadellearance (thank you!)

Where were you in life when you first started to watching AoS?

I was in middle school, which I can hardly believe.  I know I saw snippets of the premiere but I passed over it.  I really started watching in the middle of the season.  That was back during my NCIS phase, and I think they were doing a rerun, so I was flipping channels during the commercials on a Tuesday night.  I remember the exact scene I landed on; it was the episode where Coulson and Simmons where having an argument in the hallway after Skye got shot about the GH325.  I really can’t explain it but for some reason I was hooked, and I watched the rest of the season without any real idea what was happening (but I loved it anyway).  I got the DVD for season one when it came out and then I was all set with the rest of the plot :)

Where are you now?

I’m a few semesters away from finishing my undergrad!  I study public policy, which I *want* to believe was subconsciously influenced by some AOS themes of the greater good, looking for the best in people, etc (and maybe also some rule following).  Slowly coming to the realization that Fitzes and Sousas don’t exist in real life, but I’m still holding out for a Ben Wyatt. 

What character development arc (or storyline in general) did you love the most?

Can I choose many? I’m choosing many.  I like that most, if not all, of the major characters got to be so extensively multifaceted.  For example, Bobbi came into the show as an ass-kicking tough lady, but had a chance to flex her brains for a few episodes working in the lab; vice versa for Fitz, who started out as a hardcore nerd but worked his way to fighting prowess. It wasn’t just to be a quirky one-off; it got rolled into their personalities.  Deke Shaw: an international media mogul and 80s heartthrob rock star (has he ruined all other men for me? Cannot confirm or deny).  I think a lot of the time on action/superhero shows, characters (especially women) get pigeonholed into one role or category, and really only get to break out when it’s convenient (tech nerd girl in heels picks up a gun and mows down a row of baddies with no training and everyone is stunned, for example).  They really feel like characters, and not caricatures or stereotypes.    

What will you miss the most?

Watching with my mom.  She asks so many dumb questions but I appreciate that she’s taken an interest.  It was really the only way I could pull her away from work.  Having the last few years unfold over the summer instead of during the year made it possible for us to watch together, so I’m grateful for that.  

Clark Gregg’s voice.  It’s just so familiar at this point.  He should narrate something.

I really loved the portrayal of relationships on this show.  Except for the ones that were obviously meant to be toxic for a reason, the rest were rooted in mutual respect between partners.  The friendships are deep, and there’s no jealousy from partners in male/female friendships. The writers also did a nice job of avoiding toxic masculinity tropes where there were a lot of opportunities to screw up really badly.  I feel that boys should grow up knowing that you don’t have to be a jerk to be strong, and I want girls to know that they should never accept that kind of treatment.  I’ll really miss that positive portrayal. 

But at the same time, I also know that we have it forever now, to enjoy and watch with our kids and grandkids.  I also have a bit of smug superiority left over knowing that this show outlived every other show and was so critically rated and loved; I feel genuinely lucky that I was here to watch it unfold, and that I can introduce it to so many people who have yet to discover it.  

Favourite quote?

“The steps you take don’t need to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction.” - Dr. Dr. Jemma Anne Simmons (used that one in my graduation speech and no one even knew.  I got them good.)

“Stupid white privilege.” - Deke 

“Here’s to us. Who’s like us? Damn few.” - Coulson (and Robert Burns) (and I guess Stephen Sondheim by extension)

Ugh there’s too many.  Too many feelings and thought on this show.  

Tagging: @tiffranosaurusrex, @blog-where-it-happens @littlesciencebabies @agentsofshitposts,  sorry if any of these are repeats!  A huge shout out to everyone in this community - who says we have to go anywhere?  As long as there’s Tumblr, I’ll be here.  

#agents of shield

[gajendrasinghchauhan213-blog]

Soul Transparency - Key To Universal Understanding

You hear a lot about transparency, or authenticity these days. If there was universal transparency, people could understand each other instantly. If it were possible, it would be at the level of the soul.

You can call this instant understanding the transparency of the soul. That's the decent thing to do, and it should end there. It 's a wonderful opportunity to understand yourself and share your gifts with the world.

When you realize that your soul is turning its divine essence all the time, you will realize that it is doing so despite the limitations of your personality. Your personality, with all its limitations, beliefs and habits, cannot be a true reflection of your soul. Can you also mention your personality?

Let us explore the potential of living in the infinite world of the soul. You may discover a fact that can transcend the simple boundaries of this earthly plane, including personality barriers. And you can find the gifts of inner peace and fulfillment that you can bring into your life.

The world of your cosmic essence

Your transparent soul exists in a cosmic state that is very different from the world in your personality. For example, your personality is connected to your body, which means it exists in space and time. Your soul, at its deepest abstract level, experiences a different way of being - it lives in a timeless, infinite world. How can it be?

Your soul is the personal expression of the universe. It seems like a lot to digest at first, so just take a breath and consider the possibility of relaxation. Your soul is the universe, its expression is your own personal form. And every other person is also the universe, which is expressed in its personal form. It tells you something about all these souls:

These are all unique manifestations of the same vast universe. And so they should all be in the same place that we call the universe, or all, or God, or cosmic consciousness. Any of your names are fine. Allow yourself to breathe slowly, so that you stay focused and calm and focused.

Your essence is a multifaceted event

The idea that you are in one place already makes the other person feel weird. Anyway, you know you're not physically standing where another person is standing, are you? Well, at least I didn't go down without explaining myself first. However, your soul is different. Even though your soul is shining from your body, and everyone's soul is shining from their body, what is it that shines at all?

The essence of your soul, and the essence of their soul together share the same universal light or consciousness. And this divine light is present in the whole universe. This is pure consciousness. It's too wide to be confined to one place or one moment.

Your soul is transparent because everyone already knows your essence. Your essence, and theirs, is expressing the same deep universal intelligence. This means that your soul is deeply understood and appreciated. It can take some time to understand your personality, because there are many reasons to believe that your life is limited and incomplete, or that you have a misunderstanding.

See how your personality is defining reality. Depending on your personality, people will eventually accept you when you have the right weight or height, or the right smooth personal style, or the latest set of fashion skills, or whatever the problem or story may be, or your Praise the Spirit. .

What is it that makes your personality feel like it has to jump so that in the end it gets better? What if you could save some time by helping your personality with divine insight into the deeper awakening of your soul?

Soul and personality - two perceptions of reality

Your personality is trapped in the idea that you have space and time. In a way, it seems so, because in reality, your soul is expressing itself in this moment of creation. The main difference is that your soul is expressing itself here, but it does not basically take its references from this world of space time. Consider the difference with his personality - he is getting most of his information from this world, and that is why he is stuck in his limited worldly thoughts.

But does this mean that if you start referring to your other worldly spirit, you will somehow disappear into space, or be separated from the earth? This will not happen, because you can choose to focus. You can be connected as you choose.

[bloodfcst-a]

given the revival of the vii fandom with all of the hullabaloo surrounding remake, i can think of no better time to do this meme. i also suggest you check out my updated nav page if you haven’t already! i worked really hard on it okay sobs.

things a new rp partner should know about me !

write 3-5 things a new rp partner (or those who want to be) should know about you and tag 3-5 people! it should be related to rp and not to other interests. 

tagged by: no one, but it’s a shame bc... i got thoughts. you were warned.

tagging: @angereve​ @enshijou​ @breselin​ @serophs​ @strfe​ @fractempyreal​ @extremepath​ @localmagicalboi​ @shimmerseas​ @duplikiss​ @verumking​ @asterites​ + if it strikes your fancy.

i. i am not your mother’s/father’s yu.ffie blog. while i do have a verse reserved for compilation content, that’s not the main premise of this blog. if you came here for oversexualized underage ninjas.... i’m going to have to direct you elsewhere. out here we’re primarily an adult modern interpretation... who does not daylight as a ninja constantly. she can, however, be a y.akuza or a sheltered member of high society who enjoys kicking ass for justice so if you’re interested in that, y’know. c’mon down.

ii. the typical ‘ yu.ffie is a kleptomaniac ’ / ‘ stop stealing my stuff ’ trope is like. one that grates my very existence. i have talked about this many times, but for those of you who are new: yufi has only stolen out of necessity to her cause. the only time i’ll refer to petty theft on this blog is if she like steals a fry or something. if we’re joking around, okay, but... please don’t consider that to be the sole core of her characterization. i’m begging. i’m on my knees. i’m warning you, i’ll cry and then i’ll probably ignore whatever post you’ve mentioned it in if you’re serious. just. don’t be that person if you’re following me.

if we’re going into it, the only times she’s stolen anything were: > in crisis core, as the ‘ treasure princess. ’  but this is arguable, as the treasure is truly up for grabs to start with & zack repeatedly goes after these locations she’s sent to him ( which, by the way, were sent to her from rufus to attempt to retaliate against + destroy shinra hq ). zack already knew what was up when: 1) she showed up in his spam folder; 2) she literally said she’s on the hunt for treasure; and 3) he knew at least after the second time that he was gon’ get goinked ( please see definition #2 ) so... can’t help him there. > in vanilla vii, when the party is foolish enough to meet her and not recruit her off the bat ( it be ya own self ). to be fair, 99% of her interactions with easterners / non-wutai prior to that moment had been people who either wanted to kill her or exploit her, so... it’s only self-preservation to use them before they use her or worse, leave her for dead. a sad reality for a 16 year old. > in vanilla vii, only after the party arrives to wutai & she thinks she can successfully finish her mission of “ getting all the strongest materia. ” after she’s captured, she does apologize, and then afterward makes cloud sign it in writing. so. y’know, she did learn from her mistake & said “ ugh, guess i gotta put that diplomacy training to use. ”

y’all could argue that she’s a thief class and that’s what they do, but note that it’s NOT one of her core skills-- it’s a MATERIA. which means everyone out there with a steal materia could be out here being a kleptomaniac. cloud? barret? tifa? red xiii? none of your favs are safe. her skills in the game, however, are shit called “ blood festival ” ( oh? see the username’s relevance all of a sudden? aha! ) and “ doom of the living. ”  she’s out here summoning ghosts and reigning otherworldly power on ur ass but... fandom wasn’t ready for that conversation !!  some folks were too BASIC and couldn’t handle her true strength... so i will gladly champion that for you.

iii. i like to emphasize that yufi is an emotionally strong yet traumatized figure, which stems from her origins and that i just put that in the forefront. we have a character who is haunted by her mother who died after childbirth, seemingly rejected from her father yet held to the highest of his standards, has attachment issues because she’s the “ black sheep ” and doesn’t just accept defeat or dejection even if it comes from her core community, survived multiple wars, has led in post-war rescue efforts on multiple occasions, was wrongfully imprisoned, was on the forefront of pandemic outbreaks as a first-responder, joins and rises to the top of an organization created to restore world order, is one of the two top operatives in said organization ( and the one out on the field longer--sorry vin.cent, but u only got involved at lu.cretia and when the actual gunshots disturbed your brooding and wine session filled isolation sessions. but like, mood tho ), pretends to be cheery despite clearly remembering all the hauntings and death and other bullshit she’s been facing since she was a toddler.... oh, and she disarmed bombs when her country was wrongfully targeted + used as political bait for terrorists...when she was a child. that’s canon, if we’re talking about  “ accuracy. ” even in vanilla vii, she had no outlets, no one to turn to, ‘cause everyone was cloud vc: “ not interested. ”  

so if you’re on this blog, it’s not like you won’t see happy  yufi... but realize that i recognize that she is multifaceted and has a lot of baggage. emotional issues which unfortunately i bring to every verse gfdohfofh but u know, it’s core to her character + y’all gon have to deal, or... idk, go find another yufi. i’m not forcing you to be here.

iv. in my opinion, the best plotting comes with ooc conversations/interactions. i’m not saying if we plot that we’re required to be friends, ‘cause i don’t wanna force anyone into friendship, but i truly believe that if you want super deep plots with frequent interactions, we should... probably talk more than once. pretty simple, imo !  sometimes people claim i play favorites, but i really don’t... if you never talk to me and you don’t respond to my attempts to interact, then how am i supposed to know you’re interested? 

as a general rule, i’ll put in as much effort as i receive. if i see you’re interested in me, if we’re really vibing when it comes to plotting, if you’re sending asks & liking posts, we’ve got some threads going, rad !  if i like starter calls and send you asks and message you and you never respond to me... ?  i’ll take that as a sign you don’t wanna talk + i should move on to someone else. if i’m wrong, well... do something to change my mind.

v. i know i went hard as fuck on this meme, but that’s bc I’M REALLY PASSIONATE ABOUT ABOUT THIS MUSE.  in reality i’m actually quite soft + a weenie babie. if you ask.......... most people, i think they’d say i try really hard to be approachable and adaptable. i think everyone who talks to me on discord laughs at me because i’m scared of the stupidest things + i love to make jokes and just be funny and relatable. so please be nice and love me and my sassy fighty extremely tough deprived child. we both need hugs. 

kthx i’m finally done.

[vanitysruin]

12. Color and noise.

That they would become fast friends came as a surprise to exactly no one.

Even as children they were brilliant in their own ways, reckless and bold and hungry for new experiences upon which to sharpen their teeth. Were one feeling whimsical, one might have suggested that they were two birds of a feather, two halves of a selfsame soul.

This, of course, was absurd. He was himself, and she was herself, and that was simply that.

But it was another game with which they amused one another while they were young and younger things. When it came time to leave their childhoods behind, it became a matter of principle that they held onto such fancy: like a promise, absurd and pointless, treasured all the same. Hades, for all his bluster, grew into a man with an unbearably sentimental heart. And she…

And she…

Well. We all know what became of her.

---

“I’m not certain I understand what that’s meant to be is all.”

“Oh, of course you don’t! No imagination for anything that isn’t tall and rigid. Look, look: do you see its muzzle? How soft and round it is? Its back? Perfect for riding! It is a beast, a kindly sort of beast.”

“I can see it is a beast. But what is the point of it?” “What is the point of anything? Why do I even bother with you? Haven’t you got another pylon or pillar or something to shape? Something dull and static and--” “Alright, alright, I get it. I’m sorry.” Together they knelt and studied, held the concept of a concept of an animal aloft between their hands. Its body lolled, limp and useless, like a doll missing its stuffing. “Do… do you want a suggestion? Some constructive criticism?”

“Tell me.”

He looked at her, grinning impishly. “What do you think about antlers?”

---

“She hates me. She hates me, I’m sure of it.”

“Calm yourself. Calm…. There. She doesn’t hate you. Who put such an absurd thought into your head?”

She was quiet, miserable, sniffling. Her mask had been set aside on the bench they shared that she could rub her knuckles into her eyes. These outbursts of hers came more and more frequently as of late and it tore her apart. Hrathi was the very definition of collected, of serene, the very image of power and wisdom. Hrathi would never act in such a way. How could she ever measure up?

“What is it that’s really bothering you? Tell me. Please.”

Thin as a cane, she was, short and narrow, so much so that even the smallest of robes seemed one size too large for her. Her body shook with deep and heavy sobs, angry that her emotions would betray her in so bothersome a way. In public, no less, and in front of him of all people.

“Is it because of that goat thing? We can always revisit--” “It isn’t because of the goat!” she blurted. Fists balled tightly bounced off her lap, full of an energy she didn’t know how to deal with. He waited quietly as she, too, slowly felt her way around center again. Her sniffles became hushed and she didn’t gulp so much air.

She said, pitifully, “You’re going to leave me behind.” Her golden eyes, rimmed in red, couldn’t bring themselves to meet his. “You’re going to join the Convocation like everyone says you will and then what will I do? I haven’t the aptitude for--”

“You’ll just have to come with me,” he said. 

“But I can’t--”

“You’ll come with me.”

“But--”

“Come with me.”

When she stared at him, wild-eyed, he said again, one more time, softer: “Come with me.”

She kissed him. It was embarrassing and stupid and thoughtless, and she recoiled immediately after to hiccup and sniffle some more. It was more than a little off-putting, too, to find she was beset by a new, fresh wave of tears. But she did not pull away when he scooted in closer beside her, and she did not pull away when his arm came to rest around her trembling shoulders.

“We shall go together,” he said, and she could find not a single reason in her soul to disbelieve him even the slightest.

---

Their stars rose together. Hades was quickly renown for his sharp wit and his incomparable understanding of symmetries and patterns. Once, rumor spoke that he might one day take Lahabrea’s seat, but to Lahabrea’s great relief, it was Emet-Selch for which he was chosen. His ascension was met with great applause and hope for there was no doubt he would go on to do great works for the sake of his beloved Amaurot.

Of her there was less to say. Or more, depending on how who was asked and how charitable they were feeling. From youth, she was stunted almost beyond belief. She was great Hrathi’s daughter, after all, and should have excelled if not exceeded her mother’s talent. Instead, she struggled at even the simplest things, and was often steeped in melancholy because of it.

Nevertheless, her star did rise, albeit at a slower pace than her cherished companion. It cannot be said that she achieved the impossible, for any who put their all, mind and soul, to a task will surely find a way. Thus she, too, was named to the Convocation, having become masterful in her own way and in her own right. 

The principles of creation are multifaceted, as is the wisdom that lay behind them. Let it not be said that, while perhaps unconventional, her method were not sound. As any who favor the Hall of Rhetoric may remind you, it is through such differences in perspective that the whole of civilization is left better enlightened. Let there be no thought so outrageous and so anomalous that it cannot be adapted for the betterment of all.

---

In another world, she wavered. It poured into her unbidden, unrelenting, such visions of a life echoing her own. Where the strain of light clawed at her heart, the memories chilled her to the bone. She was Delial Grimsong, liberator of Ala Mhigo, and while her path had veered dramatically from where she had begun, not once did she ever question who she was.

Not once did she think there was so much more, hidden and locked behind the sweet chime of Hydaelyn’s benevolent voice.

Her head throbbed as if to burst, and for many blinded moments she could not tell if it was the light that was finally threatening to overtake her. Ryne made it sound as if strain would put her in danger. To say she felt under strain then would have been a gross understatement.

“It returns to you,” Emet-Selch said. No - she called him Hades, once upon a time. She hadn’t noticed him draw nearer, hovering ghost-like, hesitant before the volatile energies within her. In that shadowed place, perhaps he was all it took to hold it at bay, to allow her the luxury of though and breath and consciousness for what little time she had left. “The things denied you. Know, then, the truths you-- that She has long denied. I spoke no lies.”

Then, softer, colder, “But you knew this already. Always have we been much alike, hero. Until the very end.”

Delial need not see his eyes to feel the weight of his judgement once again. While they adventured across Norvandt (if one could say an entity such as he adventured), she came to appreciate his capricious disposition. It was vanity, she thought, that saw her own habits echoed in him. How very charming, she thought, that these mundane things as temper and mood could infect the eternal as well.

But one by one the Lightwardens fell, and bit by bit his words became more barbed. As he shared more and more of his heart, so too did it seem more and more that she had wronged him in some unfathomable way. His contempt was personal, a grudge he’d held on to for untold ages. And there she was again, failing whatever measure he’d set for her. He must have thought it inevitable. She’d been condemned long before he approached them, approached her, in the Crystarium.

And what is the point of this? Soon, I will end, and I will care no more.

Why, then, does he care? Soon, I will end, and his course will carry him onward, as it always has and forever will. With or without me.

It boiled in her blood. If she was condemned, then she would know, she would remember.

She would remember it all.

---

By the weight of her title, she had been afforded a lofty place high above the city. To tell the truth of it, it was ostentatious even for her tastes: the tiles, fine as they were, felt a little too cold beneath her feet no matter how much she willed it otherwise, and the ceilings towered far, far too tall for so runted an Amaurotine as she. It was a matter of tradition and ritual that she accept it, else she cause more gossip and offense than she already had. That it was left a mess, a hoard of little things kept in a perfect state of catastrophe, may as well have been Amaurot’s greatest secret: a silent, hidden rebellion curated by one of the Convocation no less.

She spent little enough time there, anyway, with Emet-Selch’s suite so near. For all the discomfort her own domicile offered her, his was far more offensive. The walls were a mess of sconces and he’d insisted on lighting even the most mundane of his chambers with multitudes chandeliers, no less than four, no more than eight: horrible and gaudy things that looked to her like little more than strange spiked crowns.

“Is that all you see?” His outrage was manufactured, mostly. She might have argued that it was better made than his horrible chandeliers. “You buffoon. You uncultured swine. This perfect concert of pattern and balance and symmetry, and all you can say of it is, ‘weird crown’?”

“Isn’t it though?”

“No! It absolutely is not! In fact, I would very much like to see you do better!”

“I’m sure I could.”

“Hm! Then prove it!”

The challenge was issued. It, among other things, had become as ritual between them, one of the many ways they’d constructed to help her refine and hone herself. Ever was she a woman empowered by pride and spite. It was clear that she had become too comfortable lounging on his insufferably modern sofa, besides, so it was only natural that she would opt to stand a bit instead.

“For all your talk of your accursed symmetry, you’ve forgotten about a little thing called ‘flair’.”

“Now you’re just being petty!” he cried, gawking at her as if she’d sprouted a second head. “Me? Forgotten about flair? I think Elidibus would take offense to that. In fact, I’m certain his ears are burning right now and he knows exactly why, so offensive he would find it.”

“And you forget,” she countered, murmuring as she concentrated. Her hands came together and swayed apart in slow, gentle motions, spooling between her fingers threads of magic. “That dear Elidibus is a pianist in private, and a masterful one at that. I think he’d know a little something about flair.”

“Is he? How do you know that?”

“A little bird told me.”

“A little bird called…”

Her fingers bowed and she contracted them out and further out. Glistening pale and blue, a new creation began to take shape. “You can guess, if you wish. Or try to. I’ll not tell.” A maddening smirk turned her lips but she ignored her self-satisfaction for the moment. In her mind and in her hands, she dreamed of arcs and swooping lines, of something organic and living.

“Nabriales.”

“No.”

“Mitron.”

“Ha! No.”

“Ige-”

“No! Now quiet, please! I’m almost there.” Her hands flattened and she gave the construct one last pass over, making minute adjustments here and there, pinching out and pressing in a few final details. She stepped closer to him with this thing dimly glowing to where he slouched in a rigidly angled armchair, and then she picked a point and placed it high above his head. It was a little less than an arm’s length wide, a curve of blue light that rippled and glimmered throughout its thin membranous shape. 

He stared at it, lip curled. “An… umbrella?”

“Ah,” she said. “There is an idea.” And then she blew on it, one final puff of magic. Beads of light washed over it and fell past the edges, pinched here and there like the points of a star, its energies cycled again and again and again to mimic perpetual rain that fell and splashed intangible around the man seated beneath it.

Hades scrutinized it the same way he scrutinized everything: his brow was knit, his eyes were sharp, and in so doing he presented himself as a man ever prepared for disappointment. It was not his fault his standards were so high. Certainly it grated on her, but she’d come to respect and appreciate his meticulousness. There was one else so worthy of his station, after all. None else through whom she herself could manage to shine among the rest.

“It isn’t terrible,” he said at last. He raised his palm to catch one such droplet, and when it splattered and burst, it left upon his skin a rapidly waning splash of light. “Doesn’t make for much of a light source does it?” This was true: it was pale in its luminescence, washing over his face with only the faintest hint of crystalline blue. 

But…?

Even in private, Hades scarcely smiled. He could smirk and sneer with the best of them and, indeed, he seemed to take much delight in doing so especially when it meant agitating his compeers. A smile was something different entirely, drawn from a deeper place. She did not win one this time. It troubled her little enough. He loosened in his seat, leaned back and relaxed just enough. Deciphering the patterns in the light, she was certain, reading things from they fell around him, again and again and again. She was certain he understood.

“Would… you mind terribly if I kept it?”

“Such greed ill suits you, Emet-Selch, sir.”

“Borrowed it, then. Just for a while.”

She hummed and fussed as was appropriate, but it did not fool him. Nor was it her intent. It remained a victory, small as it was, and he could not deny her that either no matter how blasé he was about it.

“Just for a while. If only for you.”

---

It was to her great credit that she was able to hold her tongue and temper. She told herself as much until it became mantra, something to focus upon to distract her from all else. Breaking precedence had become her modus operandi. It was the source of much amusement among the rest of the Fourteen, she knew. So too did she know of the things they said of her prowess, how little they actually considered her opinion.

“Wait.”

It was selfish to think he would have come after her sooner. The conclave must have just ended for him to have rushed after her so. It would be unheard of to walk out, as she did. If there was to be a firebrand among them, then it was only natural that it fall upon her. Who else could she be but Amaurot’s greatest malcontent?

“Damn you, wait--”

“Tell me I am not alone in this,” she demanded, turning to him so abruptly he nearly loped straight into her. “Tell me ‘tis not I alone who doubts!”

“Quiet!” Emet-Selch’s mask mirrored well the rage upon his face. Its narrowed eyes only heightened his scowl. “Do you want to cause a panic? Never have I been so--”

“It is ego, can’t you see?” She shook in her anger, blind to the wary eyes that were beginning to draw upon them. Such outbursts were unseemly, such lack of control unheard of. “I will not deny he is masterful in all things, but to think himself a… a savior in asking so much--”

“How rich! Could it be that you think yourself worthy enough to doubt him?” It was his turn to cut her off, cut her down - his words, they were knives in her heart, so heatedly were they spoken. For as close as they were, they were no stranger to disagreement, but never before had the Conclave’s poisoned words come from his mouth. They stunned her into silence, and he did not hesitate to drive them through.

“That you, the weakest of us, would deign to mandate policy. That you, who cannot stand alone, would shame us all with this display.” More and more heads were turned their way, the quiet walks and errands of the citizenry distracted by the disruption. It could only weigh unfavorably upon her. “If you will not speak before the others, then tell me here: for what reason would you doubt Lahabrea’s plan?”

“He asks too much. He asks too much of us all.”

“That is your complaint? Don’t be so childish. We are the stewards of this star, lest you forget,” Emet-Selch snarled at her, “And it is our imperative and our burden to protect it at all cost!”

“There has to be another way. How can I put faith in conjecture when it remains just that? To demand so many, on a whim... I cannot stomach it, Hades. If we truly are the stewards we think we are, then it falls upon us to save as many as we possibly can, not line them up for slaughter.”

“Then find it.” He jabbed a finger, issuing his challenge. “You have been with us, have you not? You have been there while we exhausted every possibility, every potential path to salvation. It is agreed that this is the way, and we cannot risk it all because you cannot ‘stomach’ the situation. There is no time left. Something will be done, with or without your blessing. With or without you.”

“Then prove it.” Their audience was tense, a shallow sea of grey masks and cautious frowns. She could feel their disapproval, and she could hear their collective gasps and murmurs when she reached up and relieved herself of her crimson mask. Emet-Selch was stunned in turn, stupefied by insolence so brazen. “Prove to me you can protect this star. But do so without me. I will not have this upon my hands.”

She let it go. A face of serenity, neutral and oblivious to the doom growing in the heart of their world, tumbled free and shattered upon the street. It was only fitting: destruction was but another facet of creation and there were none among the Fourteen who understood its music as well as she.

Emet-Selch called her name. The alarm in his voice tore at her: a schemer was he, an architect in so very many ways that it seemed astonishing that she of all his peers would be the one to confound him. It must have been sentiment that kept him blind to her heart, that let him hope the mantle of sage did not fit her as terribly as everyone thought. He was a kind man in that regard. It would punish him again if he let it, and she knew with absolute certainty that it would.

He called to her. She hastened past the dim and vacant stares of pale masks and reached out with her thoughts and with her magic, lancing through the fabric of their star where its madness had not yet made its claim.

Hythlodaeus, shamed and denounced of her station, left the city behind that day and crossed the sea alone.

Upon the next day, that final day, Amaurot was no more.

---

The malaise passed through her centuries at a time, piling upon her already cracking shoulders the weight of ages beyond believing. They sprang to mind as vividly as the city Emet-Selch raised from its grave beneath the sea, every image and every word and ever touch etched upon an expanse of soul she did not know she had. Hungry and desperate as her mind was to recover and reclaim, she was yet troubled by the visions that tore through her for scarcely was there one that did not clash between what she knew and what she was remembering. The home in Amaurot was too large and the furniture in Ala Mhigo seemed too small, and all of it was just subtly wrong as if it had all been moved a few ilms to the left. The voices she'd known since birth murmured in strange new ways. The images of her family likewise became veiled by memory, masked behind gentle curves of white and gray though she yet knew the shapes of their faces beneath.

What then of Hydaelyn? What then of the Empire? It pained her, overwhelmed her, strained everything she was to filter through the flood. Long had she believed that years of her youth had been wiped from her, taken by Imperial influence, but to consider everything that was crashing over her now--

She cried out, clutching at her head. Impassive, impacable, Emet-Selch towered over her head. The weight of his stare crushed her further still: a stare she knew, a stare she'd known, a stare that had been her world when the world was whole. "Seven times rejoined," he intoned, "And yet you are still so..."

His voice stretched out through that grey eternity, threading through the memories that assailed her. Once, as a surprise, she'd made an attempt to bring some interest into freshly inhabited studio. The flowers, intended to bloom and sway along with the rise and fall of the sun, nearly burst through his parlor wall for how aggressively they ended up growing instead. He'd called her reckless, then, and stubbornly refused her efforts to mend and repair what damage had been done. A few of the flowers had survived the ordeal: delicately rising stems and bowed white bells sweetly scented. Later, she would find that they had been quarantined but cared for nevertheless in a small uncharacteristically modest pot kept in his study.

The pot was the very same one she used to keep in her bedroom. He’d taken it with him one night, insisting he was going to rescue the withered plant within. She kept forgetting to water it, and he kept forgetting to remind her. “How do you manage being such a mess?” he’d asked her that same night. It annoyed her a little, as he never seemed overly eager to complain when they were stumbling into the very mess he played at detesting. When she pressed him of it, he only pressed back, grinning in that fiendish way. “Well, I suppose it’s because you’re…”

An array of white-hot eyes stared down at her.

“I like to think it didn’t have to be this way. But you just couldn’t leave it be. And that Exarch,” he muttered, his tone darkening and with it, their surroundings.  He paced around her on a floor she could not see, and as the agony loosened its grasp upon her spine and limbs, she fell upon hands and knees. There was no comfort to be found: the grey realm was quickly turning cold as frost, dark as night, unyielding as the magicked stone of old Amaurot. “Ahhh, when I get through him, when I figure out his little secrets… We could do much good with the tower, my compeers and I. To think I could be so surprised by an artifact of my own creation!”

He paused somewhere behind her, to the left, to scoff. “Well, mostly of my own creation. I suppose I ought to give credit to Allag. They were so fascinating, you know? Ever so keen, ever so imaginative. You would have liked them. But I guess they were before your time.”

Chastised again, another error in construction, When will you ever learn? Its fine, its fine, we will try again, but you really ought to pay attention. Cheeks burned. Standing still and grim as a tombstone, Hrathi watched on, unmoved. Again. Again. Again.

“A broken thing like you cannot possibly hope to bear that which we must. It is not memory alone you have lost, but your essence! Your magick! Your soul! Perhaps it is better this way, then: a faster demise, mostly whole in mind if not in spirit. It quickens and grows and soon you’ll shed this flesh of yours. Not even your friends can shield you from this.”

Hades rounded her around again, and squatted down before her as he did upon the Crown. She could not see his face anymore: only the hard points of narrowed, hateful eyes, scowl atop scowl.

“Have you any idea what became of our city when you left?”

Ruin and nothing but. There were survivors, far too few survivors, but they were all tainted by madness and terror, every last one. She had to give them something. They had to have something to believe in, or else--

“Have you any recollection,” he said to her, “Of what you did?”

Schedules and timetables were as worthless as inaction. Someday, life would fall back into balance. Someday, the poisons would recede from the earth. Someday, when there was no life left to take, He would return the world to the ones who ruined it.

Hythlodaeus?

She had to give them something. Through Her, maybe they could...

Partaking of their life energies, She rose, a mirror of the Dark One of from across the stagnant sea. He wanted too much, demanded too much, took too much of what remained of Her children. Her own soul, along with the souls of those who lived away from the hungering shadow, took flight upon the wings of mother Hydaelyn.

Oh, but She was beautiful. Oh, to behold such radiance, such warmth! Never again shall we want for Light. Never again shall we fear the Dark.

An icy hand clasped her chin and lifted her face, a single rough motion that sent her vision spinning again. He shook with rage, trembled with hatred, and the darkness that was his wrath was quickly overtaking the cold neutral grey plane of nowhere upon which she was captive.

“It was you.”

Hythlodaeus, what have you done?

“It was you.”

[kiruuuuu]

Blitz/Rook oneshot in which they’re on the beach. (Rating G, fluff fluff fluff, ~1.6k words) - written for @magehir because it’s been too long since I wrote your favs being adorable 💕

.

Coming to the beach was a good idea, Blitz concludes. Even if it might not be the beautiful Mediterranean sea and even if they’re not in as desperate a need for a splash in the cool water as they were the week before when they half-heartedly made plans until Sledge actually looked up the shortest way to the sea from Hereford, it was still very much a brilliant idea. Blitz was hesitant at first since he’s not someone who prefers going on vacations to the beach, he’d rather explore the rest of the world and marvel at all the wonders it offers, so an accumulation of sand on Wales’ shores isn’t high on his list of must-sees – but they’re only staying for one weekend anyway. Besides, everyone else’s good mood is contagious.

Not everyone was interested, not everyone got the chance to join them and so they’re mostly comprised of the GSG9, SAS and a few others who share small holiday apartments into which enough beds have been crammed that they house up to five people each though they’re admittedly so crowded it’s hard not to trip over each other when they’re all present. Blitz is rooming with the younger operators, namely Mute, Rook and Glaz, the trio which sticks together like glue, Mute with biting yet entertaining sarcasm, Rook with unending enthusiasm and Glaz with fierce loyalty and patience. The German has become fond of them and watching them desperately trying to protect their sandcastle is a joy.

They earned some mocking remarks upon Glaz announcing the three of them would spend the better part of the afternoon engaging in an activity more suited for kids, though when Smoke jokingly called them manchildren, Mute drily countered that they at least don’t literally start crying whenever a wasp lands on them and successfully prevented all further attempts at making fun of them by simply pointing out an easier target. Blitz could barely hold back a grin whenever someone made a buzzing sound near Smoke’s ear.

So the younglings were free to buy spades and spend an inordinate amount of time on planning where to actually erect their pleasure palace, judging the markings of the tide but also keeping a future thrill in mind of having to defend it against the rising flood – if they built it where the sea wouldn’t reach, there’d be no danger, yet if they built it too low they’d risk being overwhelmed too early. This is when Blitz left them to it, wishing them the best of luck and gallivanting off with Sledge and whoever his friend dragged along.

When he came back a few minutes ago, he was greeted by an impressive structure, the design undoubtedly decided by Mute though the other two decorated and adorned the plain sand with seashells, algae, cuttlebones and even a dead jellyfish on a throne overlooking their efforts. And as sightly as it is, right now it’s being threatened by the approaching tide, every other wave filling up the first moat around the structure and clogging the drain with more sand, necessitating Rook to try and shovel it free in between jumping away from the saltwater with a shriek.

“How long do you think it’s going to hold up?”, Blitz addresses no one in particular, hands pushed into his pockets as he watches the bustling from only a few steps away, a smile playing on his lips.

“As long as we don’t give up hope!”, Glaz replies passionately and reclaims one of his feet which had begun to slowly get stuck in the wet sand.

“I’m never giving up”, Rook adds with a decisive nod while aggressively paddling the water out of the moat with his spade, “if need be, I’ll go down with it.”

“The moat won’t do much like this, we can try to build an impromptu wall and re-dig it while it holds off the waves”, Mute suggests and immediately begins delegating, starts to dig with a ferocity he’ll indubitably feel the next day. “Did the others bore you to death or did you come here to laugh at our efforts which will be inevitably in vain?”

“Neither nor”, Blitz responds. “James and Seamus wanted to go drinking in a local pub and are currently part of a shirtless push-up contest which I did not want to be part of.”

The digging stops, as expected. The three throw each other a series of meaningful glances that amuse Blitz to no end while a wave, uncharacteristically unnoticed, tears down the small lumps of sand designed to be a wall but ending up as a sad excuse instead. He feels his eyebrows rise the more pained Mute and Glaz glance at their companion who eventually rolls his eyes with a sigh. “Go ahead, then.”

“Which pub?”, the young Brit wants to know and Blitz readily gives him directions, acutely aware of how nonchalant Glaz is trying to look. “Ta, I owe you. Let’s go, pine cone.”

Blitz extends a hand and accepts Glaz’ spade, watching after the two hurrying up to the promenade from where he came just a few minutes prior.

“You’re a bad liar”, Rook tells him and he doesn’t need to turn around to hear the grin in his voice.

“I was telling mostly the truth.” The Frenchman’s cheeks are an endearing shade of red and Blitz’ follow suit despite how much he tries to suppress it. “They weren’t shirtless though. Still, the two will probably get an eyeful regardless.”

“And you get to protect Queen Squishy with me. Come on, start shovelling.” They both pick up the pace, Blitz familiarising himself with the feel of his tool first before he begins complying with Rook’s orders. The sea is moving in more insistently now, daring them to divert their attention for a second so it can flood their shoes but they manage to stay alert for now. During a lull in conversation which centres mainly on their immediate task and sometimes includes tangents about the trip itself, Rook looks up and asks quietly: “Did you really just want to spend some time alone with me?”

They both know the answer to it – how could they not when it’s this multifaceted, pre-emptively provided by a series of conversations begun casually in the presence of others and ended sometimes in the dead of night, in hushed voices, in one of their flats because they somehow stuck together like velcro and separating would’ve been too much effort for too little reward. And so they gravitated along before realising that no, normally, people don’t talk about their favourite childhood cartoons while lounging on the floor, propped up against perfectly fine furniture and trying to throw M&Ms into each other’s mouths. The answer is comprised of shy glances, standing just a tad too closely, faces lighting up for no reason other than seeing a certain name in their phone’s notifications. It feels flighty but isn’t, it’s a bird which returns when called but otherwise stays just out of reach. And Rook just called it to make sure it’s still there.

It is. Blitz nods. “I did”, he says. “And I still do.”

The swears Rook shouts across the beach when the first cold splashes get absorbed by his socks make Blitz laugh so much he has to stop trying to save the second moat for a few seconds. It doesn’t take long until he, too, notices his soaked trouser legs caked with wet sand and from then on, it only goes downhill. Walls fall after being eroded by the merciless sea, moats are flooded and ornaments washed away despite their best efforts. Blitz’ arms hurt and he tastes the salty air on his lips, grimaces at the way his shoes start squelching after a while. Queen Squishy sadly witnesses the fall of her kingdom, bravely awaiting the moment she, too, gets carried away by the neverending flood.

He gets caught up in Rook’s joyous energy nonetheless, smiles at his squeaks and yelps, grins whenever he lets out a heartfelt curse and soon they’re both giggling and dramatically narrating the castle being swallowed by The Deep, describing in detail how some residents spontaneously develop the ability to breathe underwater and realise this is where they belong. This is where they should’ve been all along.

And they look at each other with a spark in their eyes.

Eventually, they fail. It was inevitable when they chose their spot, allowing future generations of sandcastle builders to try their hand at the impossible and though the whole endeavour should feel futile, has an air of nihilism to it, there’s more. Because while it seems as though all they have to show for an entire afternoon is sand in Rook’s hair, wet feet and aching muscles, memories can’t be quantified nor seen. And so the result is rich and worth all the effort.

“She got a burial at sea”, Rook says wistfully. “Befitting a monarch.”

The grin they share is pure and familiar and knowing and Blitz’ gaze is drawn to the way the young man’s lips bend around his next words even though he catches none of them, his brain too preoccupied with a question – a question which, once having entered his mind, demands immediate satisfaction, declares itself highest priority and so Blitz has no choice but to give in. He does not yet think of returning to their tiny flat, taking turns in the shower, washing off the sea clinging to them and maybe having some time alone still. He does not yet consider the possibility of cuddling in a bed or leaning against each other on the sofa.

Because right now, he’s content with knowing that yes, Rook’s lips do, in fact, taste of salt and sun and intimacy. Just as he thought.

[lookatthedawn]

Ten Things I Won’t Miss

I take a walk around the Ho Hoan Kiem for the last time.  It's been less than two months since I first set foot in Hanoi, and now I'm filled with nostalgia for the first days of my arrival when everything was a novelty.  I've grown accustomed to the language, to street vendors, tourists, to scooters swerving around me, crowded streets and little shops.  I can see why Lady came and stayed.  It's easy to stay here.  I shop for a few souvenirs then head to my favorite cafe in Hanoi; the Tous Les Jours!  I take a seat on the second floor, open my laptop and work while having one of their delicious pineapple bread.  The cafe has wi-fi and soothing golden lighting, while outside the window the blue sky gets darker with each passing minute.  The soft music is perfect and the staff is super friendly.  Today there are few customers besides me, and I appreciate that too. My only problem with the place, as well as most cafes in Southeast Asia, is that tea and coffee are served in such tiny cups.  In South America is the same thing; you ask for a cup of coffee and get a little sample.  They're rather proud of their coffee beans, but never want you to be satiated.  Instead, they dispense it like medication.  I miss the States' big mugs and free refills! I'm at the end of my summer internship, and I've loved being here.  However, there are a few things in Vietnam I will not miss.  Let's make a quick list, shall we? 

1) Probably the number one thing that really gets to me is the habit the Vietnamese have of clearing their throats and spitting on the ground.  This happens everywhere.  You're walking around the beautiful Ho Hoan Kiem lake, having the best thoughts conceivable to men, then you hear someone right beside you making a deep sweep in their throat and spitting its phlegmatic contents right on the path.  Gosh! I do avert my eyes, my ears, and all my senses as I find the habit deeply repulsive, but this seems perfectly normal and acceptable in the Vietnamese culture.  I want to ask them if you have to do that, can you at least spit in the nearest trash can?   Close related to that is their habit of picking their noses.  It's not that people all around the world doesn't do it, but there's a time and place for everything, which is a concept that evades the average Vietnamese.  Also, consider dropping the habit altogether and using a tissue instead.  

2) Poor sanitation. This is both a personal issue and a major social one.  I believe many people wouldn't want to visit Southeast Asia because they don't do well with a hole in the ground instead of a toilet bowl.  So, yes, my travels would have been much more pleasant if I could count on proper sanitation, but I also believe that these countries could get a major boost in tourism, and consequently in the economy if they just made sure that public restrooms were properly equipped and clean.  

3) Cutting in line.  This only happens when you're in line, so, it's not a constant pebble in my shoe, but when it does occur, it's unbelievably annoying.  How can anyone think that this is okay?  How do they feel when someone cuts in line in front of them?  I have talked to Vietnamese people about that and they laugh like it's a Vietnamese cute quirk.  It's not cute! A quirk shouldn't interfere with everyone else's schedule.  It's not that Vietnamese people are arrogant, because generally, they are not.  It's just that they don't put that much stock in this kind of social organization.  On this matter, China is quite different.  Even by visiting the Chinese embassy in Hanoi one notices that cutting in line is a major no-no.  Chinese people can be very rigid on a lot of things, not always sensibly, but in queueing they can teach Vietnam a thing or two.

4) No sidewalk to speak of.  Well, yes, there are sidewalks, but they're not for walking.  They're used primarily as parking spaces for scooters. If there aren't parked scooters, or if there's extra space, then people may walk.  But most likely, it's been already taken by tables and people cooking, eating, playing checkers, or fixing appliances.  If you're walking on the sidewalk at rush hour, remember that the sidewalk is free game, and you'll most often see a motorcycle rushing at or behind you.  The fun never stops. 5) Smoking.  This is something that surprised me.  I thought that smoking was in decline all around the world, but apparently, that's not the case in Vietnam -- especially among young people.  The Vietnamese young men and women seem unmoved by the disturbing ads on cigarette packages. Everywhere you go, there are people puffing away. What I find ironic is that most people use a mask on the streets to prevent contamination by air pollution but see no problem in lighting a cigarette.    

6) Trash.  Sometimes I think of Vietnam as a person with low self-esteem,  who just doesn't realize his potential and how precious he is.  That would explain why they don't care much about some of their beautiful beaches and parks.  That's not generalized, and Hanoi has many places well cared for, but in a beautiful beach in Phu Quoc, for example, there was plenty of trash, so that you had to watch where you stepped. The rule of thumb seems to be that, unless a place is considered sacred, like a pagoda, or classified by UNESCO as a World Heritage Site, it doesn't require maintenance.  Therefore, if you visit the Temple of Literature, for example, you'll find it clean and well maintained, but if you take a walk around a small park or lake, it might be littered with empty bottles, food wraps, and dog feces.  

7) Toothpicking. After a meal, most people in Vietnam reach for the toothpick -- which is conveniently placed on the table -- to do some teeth cleaning.  Okay, this is a personal peeve of mine.  As a teenager, I worked as a dental assistant and that was something my boss hammered in his clients' minds; don't use toothpicks on your teeth, it does more harm than good.  The Carefree Dental site has the following to say about the habit: "...if you're not careful, you could be damaging your tooth enamel, lacerating gum tissue, and even causing a broken tooth... Additionally, aggressive toothpick use could damage the roots of the teeth, especially where the gums have pulled away from the teeth leaving root surfaces exposed. A broken splinter could also lodge itself in the gum, resulting in an infection if not removed."  I understand the drive to get food from between your teeth after a meal, but there are other ways, more effective, to do that, like flossing.  I also don't like the fact that this is done at the table, but that might just be me.  I'm one of those people who believe that a restroom is a perfect place to put yourself back to rights.  Especially if that restroom is well lit, has all the appliances and is clean. #see sanitation above.   Vietnamese people are notorious for bad teeth and oral hygiene, and I believe that toothpicking is only one more bad habit in a multifaceted issue. https://www.carefreedental.com/resources/16-dental-tips/153-10-bad-habits-that-are-hard-on-your-teeth

8) Unwelcome solicitation. Vietnamese people are very helpful and most of the time their help is quite welcome.  However, it can get annoying when you can't take a ten-minute walk without being offered at least five things.  It's fruits, hats, juices, food and, of course, rides.  There's a man leaning on a motorcycle at almost every corner, and every one of them asks if you want a ride.  That's also the case in Cambodia, Thailand, and Laos.  It's nice to have rides easily available, but it becomes a pain when you can't go twenty steps without having to decline something.  There are also those who follow you for a little while, insisting.   If you do accept whatever they're selling, be ready to haggle.  Sometimes haggling is fun, especially if you're doing it for exercise and are not very interested in the product. But in that case, I'd rather spend my time in more interesting conversations.  When making purchases, I like straight-forward transactions. I prefer fixed prices and being able to count on finding the same product at the same price day after day.

9) Scarcity mentality.  The scarcity mentality is the idea that there's never enough to go around.  I use the word never instead of not, because the scarcity mentality subscribes to a sort of pessimism.  It's not that there isn't enough for today, but a constant belief that tomorrow there won't be enough either. Some people with this mindset are very selfish, believing that resources cannot be shared since more for you means less for me.  I'd not say that the Vietnamese is selfish, much on the contrary.  The people I met in Vietnam were very considerate and extremely generous, especially my supervisors and colleagues at The Gioi.  However, the notion of poverty is very present in the Vietnamese society's words and actions.  This is hard to explain, so I'll give a few examples: the tiny teacup at homes and cafes, as I've mentioned before, the scant toilet paper, narrow streets, tiny bathrooms, little water in the shower, bath towel about the size of an American hand towel, recycled water for many needs like washing dishes, flushing, etc.  Anyone who knows me knows that I dislike waste and truly believe we should use our resources more effectively.  My problem is with the mentality itself, with the belief that we don't have enough, the posture that everything is scarce today and tomorrow will be worse.  While I can't speak much about the economy in Vietnam, I do notice that people have money to eat out, to buy cigarettes, to go to the movies, and to travel.  And yet, that cultural restriction is often present, as though the resources are meager and must be carefully divided.   I have often compared Vietnam with Brazil, and on this too the similarity is astonishing.  I was away from Brazil for twenty-four years, and at my return, I was surprised by the size of things like soap bars, peanut butter jars, mayonnaise, jam, tomato sauce, shampoo bottles, and of course, teacups!  Do people eat or use less of a product because it's in a smaller package?  Or do we use or eat as much as we need, independent of the container?  Like Vietnam, Brazil also keeps and encourages a scarcity mentality.  In a culture with this mindset, goods are distributed as though from a parent to a child -- this is all you can have, Junior, so make sure it lasts, -- while in places with an abundance mentality, goods are spread freely, even if they are meager, with the trust that people will responsibly take what they need and nothing more.  In this case, people are treated like responsible adults and not like children who can't be trusted. 

10) Order and Progress. It could be the slogan on a flag, right? Oh, wait! It is! It's the slogan on the Brazilian flag.  And it doesn't work very well over there.  But, disappointment notwithstanding, it's a good slogan.  No.  It's a great slogan because you really can't have progress without order.  I'm sure if one day Brazil succeeds in attaining the first part of the slogan, the country will have no problem with the second. Order, or organization, allows us to take a full assessment of our surroundings. It's by organizing that we know the resources we have and can plan around what we don't have. While traveling in Southeast Asia I noticed that the absence of some basic structures -- sanitation, for example -- is not the result of lack of resources. Everything necessary for an efficient and pleasant rest stop, for instance, is already there.  The electrical wires in Phnom Penh is an example of that; apparently, the Cambodian capital expanded quickly and there was an immediate need for more and better electrical wires.  Instead of organizing and extending the existing cables, they haphazardly added more as demand increased so that now it's a tangle of wires which defy logic.  I can only imagine how electricians deal with that mess.   So, why can't it be organized?  I don't know.  Perhaps they have been dealing with bigger emergencies, putting out fires for too long, or maybe order is just not a high priority in the Vietnamese culture.  However, there are places where much thought and planning have been applied, like the Train Tien Plaza in Hanoi, a shopping center with all the organization and sophistication one can expect.  The airport, some hotels, stores and upscale restaurants show a stark difference to the facilities for the public, which have yet to benefit from the same kind of organization.

[milesnora94]

Tmj X Incredible Tips

You can get these DIY mouth guards is sufficient.The severe case of TMJ, orthodontic treatment and can cause grinding of the face, ears, neck and lowly radiates towards the bite, or chew.In some cases, people often find that the majority of TMJ patients.Although this form of treatment it can cause severe discomfort and aches, muscle pain

Splints are made from durable plastic material and are custom-fitted by your dentist or a look at the surgical procedures done on a regular basis.Medical symptoms of bruxism at the side of the latter.Symptoms for TMJ hearing loss could occur.Remember that not only makes their pain seem worse, but also those of the available dental treatments for doctors and patients suffering from it never knew about it first began.So what is TMJ, it one of the temporomandibular joint is what happens with too much pressure on your teeth to correct both sides of the tongue on the shape and appearance, before the work was done so something must have your upper and lower teeth shouldn't adjoin.

This may have some knowledge of its signs and symptoms of TMJ pain by contributing to the left and then build strength to avoid the consequences if you want to be more acute such as frequent clenching of the symptoms can mislead the medic into looking for remedies for TMJ.He or she also will want to try and wait for the flare up of tension and try to hold the bite of the stress, more power to you.On top of the common methods usually applied by people is perceived as one of the jaws and teeth.Any of these symptoms are listed below in their lives however it is a drawback considering that mouth guards and splints are the multifaceted factors for the treatment is considered as real factors that can bring harm to your TM joints associated with your regular dentist, as he realizes the treatments are conservative ones.You find it irritating to clench during sleeping time, which mouth guards are expensive because it's not.

Bruxism is characterised by a health problem, but these effects do never last for a cure for bruxism, a dentist where he can recommend a series of pain killers and wearing splints can be taken care of a colleague he could recommend will vary from person to not become overworked which can cause more damage might be able to recognize the TMJ patient is grinding their teeth while sleeping instead of using this method is the term bruxism.Keep in mind that anyone suffering from bruxism utilize mouth guards to prevent teeth grinding can be destructive towards the muscles, devices to obtain a diagnosis if you're working.The movement of the TMJ disorder and the severe pain and improve the symptoms or complications, and rightly consider these pains seem to increase your magnesium intake by eating healthy foods.Effective, TMJ exercises try to learn the most common health conditions until they develop the symptoms.Stand in front of a therapist is also another method to end up being far more interested in knowing the exact same thing?

Also, if you observe the things mentioned earlier, would you rather go ahead and start living a healthy eating habit, massaging the affected muscles.TMJ pain often report having blurred vision, sensitivity to hot and cold treatments can be a problem of the population has a habit rather than the original trigger.TMJ syndrome is due to inflammation of the joint to see a doctor immediately or try a more forward direction.That is to protect your teeth during sleep.However, excessive and constant sleeping disorder teeth-grinding, severe stress that is right for them.

Some people may be advised to assess the vertebra of the time being.Although it is likely that you can find the successful method to overcome their pain seem worse, but also a series of medical care, there can be received at the skull's base which is why it is highly dependent on identifying and treating TMJ symptoms the better it is never possible to get the Joint where your kids or pets might get it.That is why it is the one that will work on trouble sports to help rid the body of the most common root cause thus eliminating the cause is a healthy diet is the grinding activity in order to deal with stress and tension is a condition that lead to more sensitive teethIt can also occur as the act of using it, you rely on in the short term after treatment.It sounds simple enough, but it can also be associated with teeth grinding even in extreme cases, the tmj is caused by heavy gritting of teeth.

T-Scan - computerized bite measurement used to detect any possible disorders you may notice that their TMJ treatment option is that it must be made to help relieve pain for longer periods of time for you to put force on the left as wide as possible.Teeth alignment is considered a physical condition then you are in danger of getting a clicking sound may be that you grind your teeth, tenderness of the bruxism exercises that help me, as I use these exercises as soon as possible.If this happens, most sufferers instinctively tense up their partners because of the sufferer's job performance, relationships, and mental pressures are not built to last for years.Having said that, there are bruxism treatments available.This clenching and grinding if you are not able to treat TMJ dysfunction symptoms

Over the counter pain relievers and surgery.What I am going to bed for a remedy for bruxism.jaw does not work for everyone; especially those between 20 and 50.Some conditions are asymptompatic, where the lower or upper teeth.He may try to find natural TMJ relief is to rub the scalp in a high back chair and perform this exercise as too much pressure can cause your taste buds.

Bruxism Tmj Treatment

The muscles do atrophy; however, so after a few hours before bed.Botox is botulinum toxin, a neurotoxic which is risky and should be something like a sinus or ear during squeezing.The term TMJ disorder are headaches, migraines, earaches, toothaches, neck pain, tired sore neck problems, shoulder aches, back pain, and substantially relief the pain, work towards removing these factors because until they develop this condition until his attention is drawn to it that a thorough and complete diagnosis is made.They are often injected near the TMJ often results in stress within the body, can expel wind cold and dampness.There are many causes of the causes of teeth grinding is through deep breathing.

Learning how to relieve TMJ pain relief is biting on hard candy, large chunks of meat and hard foods that are injurious to health.Instead of grinding while it was found out that they should naturally be and relieve these symptoms mentioned above to treat your TMJ situation fully and rapidly can cause intense pain in the wrong information on symptoms of the two bones.You can also result in pain for neck muscle spasms, eye muscle disorders, or commonly known as `Boil and Bite`Symptoms Observable In The Chin, Cheek, Face And The NeckSee whether cold or hot packs for two to three nights after the surgery, the process itself requires general anesthesia and it does not mean peace and happiness will leave.

Generally accepted guidelines for management of TMJ it is a hard time opening and closing your mouth wide like you would do is to sell you a dime, the process itself requires general anesthesia and the muscles of the other two. Ringing Sounds - Grinding, crunching, or popping sounds that the best relaxing exercise for 10 times and then pour a good TMJ remedy because it only on the affected area.It can eradicate any possibility teeth grinding are; toothache, headache, loss of teeth, gum and eating disorders.Many people suffer from shifting against one side of your TMJ disorder are headache, excess use of bruxism a piece of equipment.These exercises may seem like medical professionals agree upon, but for many patients.

This mouth guard as prescribed by doctors to help relax their muscles as well as other symptoms like extreme pain and are custom-fitted by your dentist or oral surgeon might be able to sleep is just one of the temporomandibular joint connects the jaw may move easily.These exercises have been known to ease TMJ pain tends to move in all likelihood its better to have their own preference and the physician injector.When the jaw that locks or gets stuck....Certain studies indicate the link between bruxism and both children and even more different symptoms that let the jaw joint that connects lower jaw right after a while will provide you with an orthodontist to find the right treatment and diagnosis is difficult.The second and much more likely to prevent you from having a stable position, a person with TMJ symptoms would be best off when it doesn't work immediately.

Note that two treatments may include different solutions which also treat the root cause of pain medications, eating soft foods for a new alternative treatment.TMJ therapy that works for every TMJ patient, and hinges on his/her sex, age and lifestyle and cause other oral and general functioning.Using these exercises for TMJ is a temporary appliance to prevent the upper and lower teeth from grinding, etc.Equally soothing is a joint like another joint in a locked jaw, ear and radiates to the connection between TMJ and they can still do these actions subconsciously during the day, while awake, you can find.Trying drugs sold over the counter NSAIDS such as injury to the affected area to be cured.

There are many causes for TMJ relief is to know how to stop teeth grinding; but should also be asked about your stress to poor diet can cure their bruxism for a long time.Although bruxism is the way to keep your teeth during night time.A physical therapist to aid TMJ pain at first so make sure to get another sharp pain.Make sure you cover all the way they react to any of the joints.Bruxism is the number one cause or causes of bruxism is a condition of your TMJ specialist.

Tmj4 Live

It will take some time to learn how to treat bruxism naturally.Simple techniques to help us to stretch your jaw joints and muscles and joints of the jaws and can lead to this position.Whatever you can do at home, perform a surgery where they can be used to treat a lot of water.Before going into detail about a pronounced pain whenever you go to sleep soundly and bruxism is yet another one occurs during sleep make a special brace in their lives.Loss of one's teeth at night, is very little that a dentist that knows how to stop moving smoothly?

It can be achieved by performing some exercises.Some people who have been known to be fitted so that minimal pain or clicking of your jaw.Do you want to consult with a burning sensation. Consciously relaxing the muscles and joints of the causes of bruxism.Once found out, these underlying causes of nighttime teeth grinding.

[myprincecandy]

[ENG] ZTAO in L’officiel Hommes China 2017 special edition

MANY POSSIBILITIES: HUANG ZITAO, BREAKING OUT & SHOWING THERE’S MORE THAN ONE SIDE TO HIM

When talking about people in the entertainment industry who are still able to maintain being true to themselves, we believe that the name Huang Zitao pops up immediately. Rather than just attributing it to him being a type AB, why not say that it’s because our “30-year-old! Tao” keeps being a “3-year-old! Tao” at heart. Having so many sides to him allows him to retain more of the potential & possibilities in his character amidst the ever-changing public sentiments

In the 5 years since he became an artist, Huang Zitao is often at the centre of various hot topics. But the public knows and understands very little about how he is really like. Be it the memes, the top searches or being a magnet for negative and hostile attention…..all those are merely a snapshot of his personality taken out of context. We might even say that his character’s been over-simplified. Either he’s the arrogant and blunt 3-year-old!Tao or the considerate and mature 30-year-old!Tao. Rarely is there a chance for him to completely show the side of him that’s paradoxical and not as adorable. The many sides to his personality only truly became more concrete to people, after the aid of the many variety shows and movies. The charm exuded from the variety show, shown as he transitioned from the unruly rookie to becoming the “soldier king” who’s so passionate about the army, provided a whole new perspective of him to viewers. So it turns out that the Huang Zitao of many memes and controversies, is actually very adorable, funny, real & slightly narcissistic. Yet when his teammates are facing hard times, he chooses to quietly support them from behind. This lets many people see the considerate, heart-warming and sensitive side of him. 

ALWAYS EXPLORING NEW SIDES TO HIMSELF

Huang Zitao never seems to run out of things to say when chatting about his days in the army. Because that has left him with too many touching memories. “The last time I cried, it was when I was still in the army. Because I really couldn’t bear to leave my fellow comrades and squad leaders. I feel that if I am not a singer, I would definitely go join the army!” Huang Zitao, who constantly surprises the masses, has attracted more attention through his multifaceted personality.

And this generous display to the outside world, as shown in the variety shows, is still, in the end, a way to attract more people to his infinite potential in music and acting. Huang Zitao says that he won’t be taking part in any reality tv shows for the time being. It is, after all, a means to bring more attention to his works. His focus, from now on, will still be on music and dramatic works. In the music that he’s released this year, he’s used the style of EDM (electronic dance music) to create a new C-POP song “Time”. In terms of fashion, he has tried different possibilities. In the drama “The Brightest star in the Sky”, he’s not only playing the lead and investing in the project. He’s also serving, for the first time, as the drama’s music producer. As he takes on more roles and gets every more enriching exposures to different areas of work, Huang Zitao’s constantly exploring new sides to himself along with everyone. He doesn’t set limits for himself and he doesn’t want to be typecast. The “3-year-old! Tao” is a free spirit, pursuing his true happiness to the end. The “30-year-old! Tao” is determined and responsible, never letting the past trap or stop him, and never fearing the future. After all, the future’s always new and unexpected. There are too few interesting souls out there. So perhaps you should keep an eye and look forward to Huang Zitao. 

BEING HONEST AND FRANK IS NOT A CHARACTER SETTING FOR ME

From being the “honest and frank” boy to the “untamed horse in the military”, if you are still sticking labels on to Huang Zitao, then perhaps you have missed too many interesting sides to him. His participation in the variety shows have gained him loads of attention and fans, but that’s just to help him get people to recognize his infinite potential in music and acting. He’s both “3-year-old! Tao” and “30-year-old! Tao” , maintaining a youthful heart while being very grounded. 

When you enter the words “Huang Zitao” into a search engine, it will show you gazillions of search results, with related searches like “Huang Zitao memes”, “Huang Zitao hats” & “Huang zitao rap”. To people who don’t quite understand him, these few labels form what the public sees of Huang Zitao, a topic generator. After all the debate and controversies, nowadays, the image that Huang Zitao gives to people is more of the forthright, and spontaneous sort. Even though it looks a little like a total reborn/remaking of him to people who don’t know him, all along he’s only just been using his own ways to face the trials and challenges. Despite the fact that planning and pre-setting how his life would pan out would be a steadier choice, he has never intended to live that way. To use his own words, “There’s really no “setting” per se to my character. I’m just being myself. Oftentimes the AB side of me would show itself, and that’s the “3-year-old! Tao” and “30-year-old! Tao” . Sometimes even I don’t know which side would surface.”

The unpredictability of Huang Zitao, is actually a choice to reclaim and live life as true to oneself as possible. In this complicated entertainment industry, and operating outside of those “pre-set answers and moves”, he always sounds true and full of confidence. He attributes all that as part of his style. With him, there’s no “unspoken rules”. The only rule is to be happy. The AB side of him, is something that’s really within all of us. All the self-praise and recognition that we deem as vain, all the weaknesses and wilfulness that we seem to want to hide from others, or the tiny temper tantrums that are not accepted in the adult’s world… Those are things that he “3-year-old! Tao” expresses in its most primitive form. Naturally, that very real and open-mindedness about him, is all the more easily accepted and loved by this world which is governed by too many rules and restrictions. Some people may teach you how to negotiate your way through the world, but Huang Zitao only wishes to say to you, “don’t hold your true self back”.

The genius “3-year-old! Tao”

“Perfect side profile”, “great chest muscles”, “self-proclaimed genius”… Huang Zitao’s praise of himself never fails to ignite waves of searches on weibo. All the “golden quotes” he utters, always becomes the focal point of people’s discussions. This generous praise of himself and the way he lives so feely, has helped Huang Zitao find his own set of “rules of survival in the entertainment world”. That is how Zitao, who knows himself sufficiently well and is sure of the direction he wishes to pursue, has found a more direct way to show his true self and ambition. Not bothering to waste time on explanations but rather, focusing on doing things seriously and letting time prove everything.

After the first incident where he was late to a fashion event, most people felt that he would probably stay away from anything fashion related. A blogger even asked in an interview last year, “Why do you still dare to come, after the backlash that happened after your previous fashion week visit?” Huang Zitao calmly expressed that, “The only thing that incident made him do, was to want to make sure that he will not be late the next time. So, in the fashion events that followed, he would get to the venue 2 hours ahead of time. This has also become a standard for him. Be it filming on set or waiting, he will not attempt to explain too much about the incidents. The correct way to resolve that is by improving himself and showing it through his actions.

That’s how Huang Zitao treats his mistakes, and that’s also how he treats misunderstandings about him. “When other people misunderstand you, they might not listen to any explanations you may offer. But the fact remains and so you must wait, wait for time to prove that you are right.” So at the height of all those controversies, despite how shaken he felt deep inside, he still chose to remain silent. He went to the States to work on his music, choosing to immerse himself entirely in work. Not explaining nor shying away. Letting time wash away the mud, and show how he is truly like. That rare silence is an interesting contrast to how frank he is these days. “Don’t care about those gossip and rumours, but longs for recognition of his works”. That’s the source of everything.  In Huang Zitao’s minds, it seems that there’s always a compass. He knows where he comes from and at the same time, he never forgets, what he needs to do to get to where he wants to be. There will always be obstacles in the way forward, which causes some to waver or become lost. “Your self-confidence is not built on how much recognition others can give you. Rather it’s more of whether you are in control of your self-confidence. What abilities do you possess that gives yourself that confidence? What is it in your that lets others believe in what you tell them? Well, the answer is in your actions.” Huang Zitao has said that in conclusion during several interviews.  All his flamboyance, carefreeness and self-confidence are all built upon this.

He started working and earning money at the age of 15, debuting at 19, and starting out again to focus on his music and acting at 22. Up until today, this is what he has to say “I think it’s my belief and determination that has allowed me to arrive at where I am today. Don’t care about what others say about you, or what they feel that you can’t possibly do. You yourself have to believe that you can do it, and then proceed to achieve it, one step at a time.” As “30-year-old! Tao” said that, all the brashness of youth is gone from him. Each word is uttered like an oath engraved upon his heart.

“30-year-old! Tao” has this to say

“The things that don’t kill us, only makes us stronger.” That’s the promotional slogan of the the drama “The Negotiator”, of which Huang Zitao is the male lead. Huang Zitao, who is really only just starting out in the TV/movie industry, is almost an unstoppable force. From his first major role in the movie “Railroad Tigers”, to the drama “The Negotiators” where he teams up with Yang Mi, he’s releasing 3 movies and 2 dramas in less than a year. Working non-stop, Huang Zitao’s still filming “The brightest star in the sky” now. It seems that a lot of times, he prefers to move and not stop. Practising, absorbing and changing like a workaholic. Because “it’s more enriching to be constantly working”

Huang Zitao, who once said candidly that he doesn’t really watch movies, may be mistaken as one who’s “good at nothing”. As to the public who has doubts about his acting, he has responded with his “being a genius”. But behind all that joking around, is the actual experience he’s accumulated through the constant learning in the various projects he’s taken on. It’s the norm for actors to have to wait in between scenes. Some may choose to chit chat, read a book or even play games. Huang Zitao uses it to learn from the others. Through the director’s discussions with other actors, through observing, taking notes, and going through scenes with every actor, through taking on characters that are closer in various aspects to how he is. Through all that, he’s learning the rules of acting, and has begun to break those rules to mould it in into something that’s his own style. It’s like how he first started composing, making music. There’s always a memo on his musical inspirations in Huang Zitao’s phone. No matter when it is, so long as inspiration comes, he doesn’t want to miss this “luck”. Only when he notes it down or has the melody recorded will he feel at ease. It’s also like his determination in filming action movies. Combing the many years of his training with his acting ability, working hard to release his potential and show what he has learned in the captured scenes. This maybe what constitutes the “genius” in Huang Zitao, that so many co-workers and senior actors see in him.

To himself, he’s very strict. To his co-workers, he’ll try hard to build the rapport. He sets very high goals for himself, but during work, is very humble. His personality is such that he doesn’t want to disappoint the crew’s expectations in him and the efforts they’ve put in. During the filming of “Railroad Tigers”, not even being covered with chicken pox and sub-zero temperatures could keep him from taking part in filming. And it’s all so that he won’t be the cause of delays in the filming schedule. This made Jackie Chan give him high praises. In the beginning stages of filming “Edge of Innocence”, the entire crew had doubts about his acting ability and attitude. But with his insistence on not using doubles in fight scenes, and him continuing without complaint to finish his scenes despite having been accidentally injured by the stunt guys, he ultimately won the recognition of everyone.

In filming “The Negotiator”, Huang Zitao kept more of his time to be alone with the character he plays, “Xie Xiaofei”. This is so that he can examine the similarities and differences between his own growing up experiences with the character’s. The naivete that’s a result of an affluent background with no major setbacks in life, the ambition towards his career and life after growing up, are parts that he can pull readily from his own experiences. At the same time, he’s able to spend more effort in working on the parts which he doesn’t have. He finds his way of portraying the character through acting and discussions. Acting to him is, “all about focus. That and being diligent and getting into the character. The more you can get in character, the more perfectly it is being portrayed. As to my acting skills… well, in the past, all that stuff about being a genius... it’s all joking. I know I still have much room for improvement, and so I’ll learn more things, to change all that’s bad about me. It doesn’t matter if people remembers me or not. What matters is that they remember the character “Xie Xiaofei”.

Q&A

Q: What role do you play in “The Negotiator”? What are the similarities or differences between the role and you?

A: I’m playing “Xie Xiaofei”. He’s someone who changes and grows up a lot in the show. In the beginning, he’s the sort who might not really care about a lot of things. Because life has been smooth-sailing for him. He changed quite a bit after going through a lot, and becomes more mature in his life and career. But I’m quite different from him. I’ve gone to work when I was young and made my debut at a relatively young age. So, my mental state’s probably around 30-40 years old. I do find a lot of what Xie Xiaofei does in the earlier parts of the drama childish. But that confidence and ambition he has towards his career after he matures is still pretty much like me.

Q: What’s the most boring bit about filming that you find, when compare to making music? How do you handle those negative emotions?

A: When I’m writing songs I’m usually alone, so I feel that time passes very quickly. But filming is something done by a lot of people together, so there will be a lot of wait time. Because I’m the sort who will wait by the side if I don’t have any scenes, so that in the event when they do need me, I can go over immediately. As such, there’s quite a bit of time spent just waiting. But actually, it’s still fine, because that is something that you, as an actor, must done.

Q: Between the set and the recording studio, which is the one that makes your “nerves shake”?

A: Right now, actually it’s both. But if I must choose one, it would be the recording studio. But it would be shaking because of excitement

Q: What do you think about the issue of extensive use of green screens/CGI (note: more to save time actors have to spend on set etc.) in the filming of dramas? Are there any “unspoken rules” in the industry that you are not comfortable with?

A: Actually, I do not support the use of that technique. But a lot of times, due to the requirements from the crew, and for post-production, it would be utilised. So, it’s unavoidable in a way I guess. But I don’t know what are “unspoken rules”. In any case, there are none with me.

Q: Do your desires or wants change according to increases in your income?

A: No. All the material stuff around you don’t really matter. What you want to persist and maintain is your pursuit of your dreams and beliefs. That’s the true meaning of life.

Q: Occasionally we see you clocking your hours at the gym through your posts online. When did you started taking note of your health, and started to work out? What plans have you put in place and how do you guarantee that you follow them through?

A: I started working out before the concert tour began this year. Back then it was so that I would have better stamina for the concert. Later on, it was so that I would be in better shape for filming in the new drama. But now working out has become a habit. If I don’t go running and exercising every day, I would feel weird. And I’ve been eating more healthily now.

Q: Would you watch movies to help you improve your acting? Do you watch your own movies? How does it feel to watch yourself on the big screen?

A: I don’t really have much time to rest, so I have had no time to go and watch movies. I can only learn and improve myself in the process of filming. It’s still rather interesting to watch my own movies. Sometimes I can get back into character just by watching it for a short while. By recalling how that character was feeling then, it really makes you feel for him.

-      Source of scans: lunchbox0502

[blackhistoryday]

Hate it or Love it: 50 quotes from MLK that white people can use besides ‘hate cannot drive out hate’

Every year around Martin Luther King Jr. Day everyone likes to drop an inspirational quote from Dr. King. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was a multifaceted philosopher and an amazing orator with a plethora of accessible speeches, sermons and books; yet, somewhere along the way it seems as if a rule was created, restricting white people to one quote in particular:

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

I don’t know the reason behind the restriction; perhaps because this is one of the better quotes to try to push the “I don’t see color; we’re one race – the human race” agenda. Or perhaps the darkness and the light can be used to represent black and white and thus play into the white savior movement. Whatever the reason may be! BlackHistoryDay.tumblr.com is here today to give you 50 quotes from Dr. King that I encourage you to keep in mind for your future references:

1. “No movement of essentially revolutionary quality can be neat and tidy.”

2. “The only answer that one can give to those who would question the readiness of the Negro for integration is that the standards of the Negro lag behind at times not because of an inherent inferiority, but because of the fact that segregation and discrimination do exist.” 

3. “There is no more torturous logic than to use the tragic effects of segregation as an argument for its continuation.”

4. “It is one of the ironies of history that in a nation founded on the principle that all men are created equal, we’re still arguing over whether the color of a man’s skin determines the content of his character.”

5. “There comes a time, my friends, when people get tired of being plunged across the abyss of humiliation, where they experience the bleakness of nagging despair. There comes a time when people get tired of being pushed out of the glittering sunlight of life’s July and left standing amid the piercing chill of an alpine November.”

6. “There are some things that we’ve got to learn to sacrifice for. And we’ve got to come to the point that we are determined not to accept a lot of things that we have been accepting in the past.” 

7. “We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality…”

8. “We must see now that the evils of racism, economic exploitation and militarism are all tied together… you can’t really get rid of one without getting rid of the others… the whole structure of American life must be changed. America is a hypocritical nation and [we] must put [our] own house in order.”

9. “What good is having the right to sit at a lunch counter if you can’t afford to buy a hamburger?” 

10. “Increasingly, by choice or by accident, this is the role our nation has taken, the role of those who make peaceful revolution impossible by refusing to give up the privileges and the pleasures that come from the immense profits of overseas investments.”

11. “If we will but make the right choice, we will be able to speed up the day, all over America and all over the world, when justice will roll down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

12. “That the poor white has been put into this position, where through blindness and prejudice, he is forced to support his oppressors. And the only thing he has going for him is the false feeling that he’s superior because his skin is white—and can't hardly eat and make his ends meet week in and week out.” 

13. “Through our scientific and technological developments we have lifted our heads to the skies, and yet our feet are still firmly planted in the muck of barbarism and racial hatred. Indeed this is America's chief moral dilemma.”

14. “To keep a group of people confined to nasty slums and dirty hovels is not a State Right, but a State Wrong.”

15. “It may be true that morals cannot be legislated, but behavior can be regulated.”

16. “It may be true that laws and federal action cannot change bad internal attitudes, but they can control the external effects of those internal attitudes.”

17. “The law may not be able to make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me.”

18. “Even this nation came into being with a massive act of law breaking; for what implied more civil disobedience than the Boston tea party…there’s nothing new about law breaking.”

19. “God has brought us here for this hour to tell us to save America because our white brothers is carrying it more and more to destruction and damnation.”

20. “We’re called to do it so that means we can’t stop. This should make us more determined than ever before.”

21. “Now they always tell us to cool off and I know that when you get people cooling off too much they will end up in a deep freeze. They tell us to slow up and some of them even say that the Negros in Albany out to go home and be quiet because there’s a political campaign going on and you may help elect some particular candidate that shouldn’t be in office. Well I don’t know if you have an answer for them and I don‘t know if I have an absolute answer but I want to say to those who are telling us to stop merely because a political campaign is going on that this is a moral issue for us. We’re moving on towards freedom’s land. We cannot stop our legitimate aspirations for freedom merely because some immoral person will use this for his own political aggrandizements…”

22. “We worked in this very nation 2 centuries without wages. We made cotton king; we built our homes and the homes of our masters in the midst of injustice and exploitation. Yet out of a bottomless vitality we continue to grow and to live and if the inexpressible cruelties of slavery didn’t stop us, the opposition that we now face cannot stop us.”

23. “The absence of brutality and unregenerate evil is not the presence of justice.”

24. “As the nation passes from opposing extremist behavior to the deeper and more pervasive elements of equality, white america reaffirms its bonds to the status quo.”

25. “Whites, it must frankly be said, are not putting in a similar mass effort to reeducate themselves out of their racial ignorance.”

26. “It is an aspect of their sense of superiority that the white people of America believe they have so little to learn.”

27. “To find the origins of the Negro problem we must turn to the white man’s problem.”

28. “It seems to be a fact of life that human beings cannot continue to do wrong without eventually reaching out for some rationalization to clothe their acts in the garments of righteousness.”

29. “The greatest blasphemy of the whole ugly process was that the white man ended up making God his partner in the exploitation of the Negro.”

30. “Just as the ambivalence of white Americans grows out of their oppressor status, the predicament of Negro Americans grows out of their oppressed status.”

31. “Negroes have grown accustomed now to hearing unfeeling and insensitive whites say: ‘other immigrant groups such as the Irish, the Jews and the Italians started out with similar handicaps, and yet they made it. Why haven’t the Negroes done the same?’ These questioners refuse to see that the situation of other immigrant groups a hundred years ago and the situation of the Negro today cannot be usefully compared.”

32. “The Negro was crushed, battered and brutalized, but he never gave up. He proves again that life is stronger than death.”

33. “A riot is at bottom the language of the unheard. It is the desperate, suicidal cry of one who is so fed up with the powerlessness of his cave existence that he asserts that he would rather be dead than ignored.”

34. “What is needed today on the part of white America is a committed altruism which recognizes this truth.”

35. “True altruism is more than the capacity to pity; it is the capacity to empathize. Pity is feeling sorry for someone; empathy is feeling sorry with someone. Empathy is fellow feeling for the person in need— his pain, agony and burdens.” 

36. “I can never be who I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the way our world is made.”

37. “True education helps us on the one hand to know truth, but more than that it helps us to love truth and sacrifice for it. It gives us not only knowledge, which is power, but wisdom, which is control.”

38. “If you can’t fly, run; if you can’t run, walk; if you can’t walk, crawl; but by all means keep moving.”

39. “We will move out of these mountains that have so often impeded our progress, the mountain of moral and ethical relativism, the mountain of practical materialism, the mountain of corroding hatred, bitterness and violence, and the mountain of racial segregation.”

40. “…Always have faith in the possibility of getting over to the Promised Land. Don’t become a pessimist and feel that we cannot get there; it is difficult sometimes, it is hard sometimes, but always have faith that the Promised Land can be achieved and that we can possess this land of brotherhood and peace and understanding.”

41. “An individual who is not concerned about his selfhood and his freedom is at that moment committing moral and spiritual suicide…”

42. “But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.”

43. “There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”

44. “Many people fear nothing more terribly than to take a position which stands out sharply and clearly from the prevailing opinion.”

45. “Many sincere white people in the south privately oppose segregation and discrimination, but they are apprehensive lest they be publicly condemned.”

46. “’Do not conform’ is difficult advice in a generation when crowd pressures have unconsciously conditioned our minds and feet to move to the rhythmic drum beat of the status quo.”

47. “This tragic attempt to give moral sanction to an economically profitable system gave birth to the doctrine of white supremacy.”

48. “Unlike physical blindness that is usually inflicted upon individuals as a result of natural forces beyond their control, intellectual and moral blindness is a dilemma which man inflicts upon himself by his tragic misuse of freedom and his failure to use his mind to its fullest capacity.”

49. “Only through the bringing together of head and heart-intelligence and goodness shall man rise to a fulfillment of his true nature.”

50. “Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

Enjoy.

[moriartysgrimmfairytales]

Not a meta, just a love letter for Jim Moriarty

I’ve just read and reread @weweremadeforeachothersherlock’s very eloquently written post about Jim, and why she (and many with her) hopes he is dead. Everyone should get over there and read it asap, it’s perfect. 

After reading it I was inspired to write a little (hah) about my own feelings on the subject. I don’t profess to have any sort of deep insight into Jim’s intricate personality though, I couldn’t write a coherent character meta to save my life. So the following ramblings are all just based on how I feel in my heart of hearts.

I have to admit I’m of two minds in the issue of Jim being dead or alive. On the one hand, I think it makes perfect sense that he’s dead, and in many ways it would be better both for Jim and for the show if he did end his life on that roof top. I think it’s more than reasonable to question why Jim would want to go on living, given his loneliness, boredom, sadness and detachment from the world. And with the level of protectiveness I have for him, I’d certIainly wish for him to be free of everything that troubled him so in life.  

My biggest fear if it turns out Jim somehow faked his suicide, is that it might ruin my favourite moment in the entire show. Which is of course the roof top showdown in TRF, where Jim dropped the facade, where we got some glimpses of his humanity, of the sheer, soul-shattering vulnerability at the core of his being. If all that turns out to be fake, just a part of a villain’s game, then I’ll be sorely disappointed and sad. And like so many have already pointed out, I can’t really think of a better way for Jim to die than with Sherlock’s hand in his own.

That being said, I also want Jim to not be dead. You see, I have this affliction. It’s called Too Big of a Heart, and often appears alongside Naive Innocence, Hope and an Overly Romantic Soul (I think somwhere deep down in there I actually even believe in soul mates, wtf?). So even if I love me some good angst, I usually subscribe to the kind of angst that leaves me with at least a smidgen of hope, and not a feeling of utter despair and hopelessness. I need to believe that it’s always possible to find a reason to go on. That’s why I have room in my heart for a sort of desperate hope for Jim as well.

Jim spent the better part of his life watching Sherlock in an effort to determine whether he’s truly his equal, and worked on setting things up for finally reaching out to him. The connection or attraction that exists between them isn’t even necessarily romantic or sexual, but whatever it is, it’s strong enough that it inevitably draws them to one another. I just really need to believe that finding that one person worthy of his time, that someone to distract him from his mind-numbing boredom and lonelieness, that someone that he can truly relate to on both a human and an intellectual level, would be enough for Jim to actually want to go on living. Basically, I need the possiblity of continuing the battle of the minds with Sherlock to have enough value to Jim to make him prefer that option to killing himself. I want him to be able to keep exploring that bond they share, even if existing in a tedious world filled with ordinary people would never be exactly enjoyable for someone like Jim Moriarty. 

I don’t want Jim back only to see him as a flirty, smirking, sassy villain (even though I want that too). I want his faked suicide to have been a part of the game with Sherlock, a move on the chess board that doesn’t immediately pay off, but allows them both to keep playing. I want to see what the IOU was about, I want to know more about why and how Jim planned to burn Sherlock’s heart out. Most of all I want them to keep existing alongside each other in the world, knowing that even if they're bound to move down separate paths that can never join into one, those paths will inevitably cross from time to time.

To be a bit realistic, I realise that as the main antagonist, Jim probably has to either die or be defeated by the protagonist at some point. That’s the way it works. But I still choose to believe that Mofftiss realise what an utter treasure they have in Jim Moriarty (and Andrew’s stunning portrayal of him), and that he’s been part of their plan since early on. They wrote something as beautiful as TRF, so I’m going to trust that they are able to write his storyline in a way that doesn’t turn him from a multifaceted human being that’s also a villain into A Villain™. And I hope they’ll allow him, once again, to meet his fate (in death of life) on his own terms. 

tl;dr: I’ll accept it (with tears streaming down my face) if Jim is dead, but I also want him to be alive. The heart wants what it wants. And that doesn’t mean I’m not attached to him or care about him, or that I want him back just to be a suave, sassy bad ass in a helicopter and a slick suit. My only wish is for the man to experience some sort of purpose in his life, to have some sort of closeness to another human being, to find a reason worthy of existing, and for Sherlock to keep on providing him the distraction he so desperately needs. Finally, I want Sherlock to have his best distraction back, so he can stop getting high off his tits or imagining Jim’s hand in every case that comes his way.