#everyone in the book is conspiring to make the process of getting rejected by Lucy AS embarrassing as possible for jack

[hoeswater]

the mortifying ordeal of being Jack Seward. God, can you imagine- you get rejected by a girl. Fine. You're a bit emo about it but you're holding up. She accepts a proposal from your close pal. Ok, that stings, but you do love Arthur and at least you have your work to focus on. You get cc'd on a message from your second close pal and it says you WILL be attending a celebratory dinner. Yeah, to celebrate your dream girl saying yes to Close Pal #1. Ok, whatever, you're a man of honor. You go. Girl falls ill. Close Pal #1 says hey man, please go medically examine my fiancee - yeah, the one that rejected you. I know it'll be weird but I insist. Please man, you're my Close Pal. Ok. Fine. This girl is still important to you. You do it. You're sitting by said Ill Girl's bedside, trying not to think about that embarrassing time when you sat on your hat, asked her out, and then got rejected, and then her MOTHER walks in and goes wow, dude, why don't you have a wife yet? You and the girl Do Not Look at Each Other Dear God Lucy Do Not Make Eye Contact With Me Right Now I Swear to God. Girl gets sicker. You phone a friend. Your friend comes and promptly breaks the ice with your Mortally Ill Dream Girl (who rejected you after watching you sit on your hat) by being like Well, You Know Jack. He Doesn't Know Anything about Women. Probably Why He Sat on His Hat and then You Rejected Him. Christ. Mortally Ill Dream Girl dies and you find yourself enmeshed in Horrors Beyond Your Comprehension and you think, well, ok, at least if I'm focused on the Horrors Beyond My Comprehension I won't be thinking about my tragic and thus far very embarrassing love story. Let me just focus on picking up this nice lady from the train station because she and her husband have some important information for us. And then the FIRST THING OUT OF THE NICE LADY'S MOUTH is Oh Yeah I Know You Lucy Told Me How You Sat on Your Hat and Then She Rejected You. Ohhhhhhh my god