#everyone i give you depressed chuuya

[oompaloompadidu]

Can I ask for PM and ADA men with a reader who struggles with depression? feel free to ignore!

hi! Sure I can try!

PORT MAFIA

Chuuya

He'd try to make you happy, doing everything you ask him to

He'd buy you lots of gifts and put them on your desk without saying anything and buy you flowers everyday

He's so sorry for you and fears it might be his fault (pls tell him it's not, he's such an angel), and everytime something happens he gets really worried for you

He keeps you from taking any decision against yourself (he knows Dazai and he'd give his life for you to not become as desperate as him)

He puts his hat on your head when you get really sad and tells you: "keep it as a reminder that I love you. And it looks better o you, anyway."

Akutagawa

He doesn't know what to do, he's terrible at dealing with emotions

At first he told you that you were "too emotional", "exaggerating" and "weak" but when he realized you actually had depression problems he stopped

He buys you tea/figs when things get bad with your depression because he doesn't know what to do and since he likes those things he hopes they can help (help it's so cute-)

Mori

Like chuuya, he buys you everything, but not just what you ask, even what you just look at for too much time. He wants you to feel better but usually he doesn't worry for people, so he's not very good at it.

he lets you mimic him even if it could offend him a bit, because it makes you laugh and he loves it

You have lots of plushies that he bought you during your worst depression episodes

He always brings you at fancy restaurants and buys you dresses to cheer you up

ARMED DETECTIVE AGENCY

Dazai

Oh well. You two are in the same situation.

At first he always asked you for a double suicide but, after he discovered you struggle with depression as well, I think he would stop. He couldn't actually accept the fact that you could risk to die for his fault while he could survive at the attempt (he wants you to live as long as possible so that he can stay with you)

He keeps trying to find new ways of suicide, but a lot less than before

Still, if you asked him for a double suicide he would accept without a second thought

He makes a lot of jokes and try to make you laugh when you're really sad or tired

Kunikida

He'd have stress attacks every time you get worse

He never had a girlfriend/good friend so he doesn't know how to make you feel better

He tried to ask Yosano how to help you but she just said "don't know man, go shopping with her"

And so he did

Now when you get really bad and don't want to do anything/talk he makes you get out of the house saying that "there is 'shopping time' in his schedule and he wants to go"

You know he doesn't really like going shopping but you appreciate it

Atsushi

he buys you a lot of tea rice

And a lot of plushies

And everything that you like (even if it might means that he has to work twice because he doesn't have the money)

He tries to be always there for you and tells you that you are the most brilliant and fantastic person he knows

Ranpo

Girl you'll be COVERED of candies and chocolate and sweets of every type

He asks Poe to keep you company when he's obligated to go at meetings with the ada because he doesn't want you to be lonely

I hope you're good with orientation because you two will get lost a lot if you let him try to guide you (but it's okay he's a cute babyyy-)

Kenji (he's a minor I hope you are a minor as well pls don't do anything weird to him he's just my adorable baby)

He always offer you to visit his camps to cheer you up

His smile is contagious TRUST ME

my adorable little baby loves you with all his heart and he would literally rip apart everyone who dares to say something bad about so that you don't feel bad anymore ❤️

Junichiro

He tries to get off work earlier so that he can stay with you

He's scared Naomi will do something weird to him and get you worse but actually you two are friends and she likes you a lot

He asks Dazai and Kunikida for help about how to cheer you up but they both said "why do you think I know?" and he's very confused

He gives you kisses even in public sometimes when you're really sad but pda embarrasses him and also he doesn't want Naomi to see it

[jackiepackiee]

Oh hey there! This my first time requesting you!

I have a request for chuuya nakahara and dazai osamu. I wanna ask that how would he be a as a boyfriend to a s/o who could control electrons in the atmosphere.

For dazai its how would he confess to girl who he admires for a long time but is scared to lose her, but she confesses to him before he could?

Thank you very much and I love the rule about angst without a happy ending i mean cmon life is tough enough already we all are carrying emotional baggage in some way or the other 😭😭

Love you admin, take care! 💞💞

Trying this again because I finished and tumblr deleted it ALLLL

I love science!

𝒟𝒶𝓏𝒶𝒾 & 𝒞𝒽𝓊𝓊𝓎𝒶 𝓍 𝐸𝓁𝑒𝒸𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓃 𝒜𝒷𝒾𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈- 𝓃𝑜𝓅𝑒

𝒯𝓎𝓅𝑒 - 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒸𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓃𝓈 / 𝒹𝒾𝒶𝓁𝑜𝑔𝓊𝑒

𝒟𝒶𝓏𝒶𝒾

Will ask the most annoying questions

“Can you make your body a metallic bond so when you’re hit by an enemy, you’re malleable. Oh! Can you make the hatrack an ionic bond so I can make his charges line up and he’ll explode!”

“Dazai… No!

Yall meet a work

He teases you, goes on missions with you, pranks Kunikida with you

But it’s not until your ability goes haywire and you’re hurt one day that he realizes he likes you

From then on, he hugs you when your ability acts up

Nullifying you and getting a hug

A win win in his book

Little things change

He does his paperwork, doesn’t drink as much, teases you more, and makes less suicide attempts

Though, he can’t confess

You’re too good, he can’t ruin you with his depression and violent past

But, what if you say no?

He thinks it’s a lose lose

What a dumb thing for such a smart guy to think?

He finally decided to confess when Ranpo tells him that it’s a good idea

(Ranpo, the world's greatest detective, can obviously tell you like Dazai and he likes you. Why not be the wingman for the new it couple?)

“Dazai… the entire agency knows. And I’ll tell them for you… unless you get me a snack. Yknow, I’m no romance detective, but love is in the air.”

So… he brings you to the Port

Wins you a cute little teddy at a game slot

He’s about to confess

But… before he can speak

“Dazai, I like you!”

You like him. You. So incredibly intelligent, strong, kind? He’s smart, but would’ve never seen this coming

He noticed how the ocean twists

You ability acts up and is causing the hydrogen and oxygen to disconnect

You’re practically shaking with nerves

So… he hugs you

Not a kiss… he would never rush such a perfect moment

The ocean calms, you ability nullifies

Now that you’re dating, the question are WORSE

“Did you change the atoms in my brain so I love you?” “One, no. Two, that’s not how love works!”

Brags to everyone, even if it’s annoying

Just adores you

Thinks he could die happy

Although, he’d much rather live to love you

Makes sure that all your missions are local so he can get to you incase electrons start buzzing around

Calls you dumb things, stupid science jokes, it’s a headache

Overall, so smart but sooo stupid

𝒞𝒽𝓊𝓊𝓎𝒶

Thinks you’re the coolest!

Likes to think your abilities are similar and you two have a connection

Also… a bit dumb

So he asks so many questions

What, he’s fascinated with you and he wants to know as much as he can

“Valence electrons? What?” “What do ya mean I can’t see em? Too small?”

Even if he’s technically the strongest in the entire Port Mafia, thinks you’re better

I mean, he can control gravity but you can manipulate matter!

Thinks that you’re a gift for all his years of hell and unluckiness

Even if you’re just a friend… for now

Never EVER lets you go on missions alone

Makes sure at least one of his trusted subordinates is with you

And if that can’t happen, he’ll make sure Mori gives Chuuya you’re a dangerous work

He’ll miss sleep to take your work, just so you’re safe

If you’re ever overwhelmed, he’ll float you off the ground

Makes sure that you can calm down

Maybe it’s the air higher up, maybe the scenery?

Or… maybe it’s his arms wrapped tight around you

He realizes during one of these moments how much he loves you

“Shh, it’s okay. You ability is stable and you’re safe.”

After asking Kouyou for advice, he’s ready to confess

Buys roses, wine, a jazz record, and a little stuffed animal

Knocks on your apartment when…

You open the door… looking stunning.

“Chuuya? What’re you doing here?”

A gorgeous red outfit, styled hair and makeup. He used his ability to float the gifts to the ceiling so you wouldn’t see.

“Oh… you look pret- I mean! You’re so dressed up.”

“Yeah… was about to leave.”

His heart sunk, although his cheeks warmed at the sight of you in such a beautiful outfit.

“Do you have a date?”

“Date? No, I don’t.”

What a relief!

“Well, what’s the occasion?”

“… I really like you Chuuya! I was gonna try and find you at work now!”

Oh woah… did he just die and go to heaven?

Gives you the sweetest kiss (It’s definitely his first)

Now that you’re dating, he spoils you

Remember how no one is allowed to put you in danger?

Before, he’d let other watch you

But now he’ll clear his day just for your safety

Tries to learn as much as he can about science so he can talk with you even more

“Damn it… electron sea? I thought we had seven seas already?”

Overall? Perfect 11/10

[starlightshadowsworld]

The Fallen King as incorrect quotes

......

Beast Atsushi: I'll keep all of my emotions right here and than one day I'll die.

.....

Beast Verlaine: Girlboss Gatekeep... What's the third one?

Beast Kouyou: There isn't one.

Beast Verlaine: But I thought there was.

Beast Kouyou: No, you made it up.

......

Beast Atsushi: So I go into the Port Mafia headquarters and who do I see but Chuuya Nakahara. And he says to me:

Beast Chuuya: Did you kill the Boss?

Beast Atsushi: And than I said no, you know like a liar.

.......

Beast Kyouka: We need to distract these guys.

Beast Chuuya: Leave it to me. Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

Beast Kouyou & Beast Verlaine: immediately begin arguing

.......

Beast Karma: Can we go to a haunted house?

Beast Atsushi: looking directly at Beast Dazai What's wrong with the one we're in now?

......

Beast Kouyou: "All due respect" is a wonderful expression because it doesn't actually specifiy how much respect is actually due.

Beast Kouyou: Could be none.

.......

Beast Kyouka: I care about everyone in the Port Mafia equally.

Beast Ace: We were attacked while you were away.

Beast Kyouka: Is Atsushi okay?!

....

Beast Verlaine: Chuuya, there is only room in this family for one unstable sibling.

Beast Verlaine: And I've held that title for a very long time. So you are gonna need to get it together!

.....

Beast Atsushi: You’re giving me a sticker?

Beast Karma: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Beast Atsushi:... I’m not a preschooler.

Beast Karma: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Beast Atsushi: I earned this, back off!

.....

Beast Chuuya: Atsushi why are you on the floor?

Beast Atsushi: I have depression.

Beast Chuuya: Ah.

Beast Atsushi: I have also been stabbed 3 times.

Beast Chuuya:... Atsushi, what the fuck?!

[sanest-bsd-delegate]

Alternatives

Headcanon: Parent! Reader with Teen! Dazai, Chuuya and Akutagawa A/N: Ch 109 made me write this.

MASTERLIST

✧Dazai

⤷Humm I mean look at him? He screams attachment issues. I am pretty sure he hides the fact he wants affection, but lets be honest Parent's instant and He gets a hug.

⤷As a kid, he would be the type of person (kid?) who gets sugarrush just by taking one piece of candy. Lets be honest, the minute he eats one, its the time your whole house is covered in glitter and gold.

⤷He has difficulty opening up his thoughts, or rather, sharing his real views on anything, but I feel like he would have once in a while mental breakdowns and you can do nothing but hug your kid, and support him. (He is adoptive kay?)

⤷He LOVES whatever you make for him. He would be the type of person who would never skip a meal when it comes to you eating with him as a family.

⤷GIVE HIM HUGS PILLOW AND KISSES.

⤷A LOTS OF GOODNIGHT KISSES

⤷You read him a bedtime story. (You cant deny that)

⤷He once got kicked in his nuts as a kid, and honestly you cant blame the kid, your son's actions are questionable [PLEASE]

⤷You both will have Parent-son hangouts, considering how much you both tend to drift apart due to work.

⤷You once had a breakdown in front of him and he gives the warmest hugs.

⤷As he grows, (and you grow older) I feel like he would just randomly lift you from the floor and twirl you around.

⤷Also, he is the person who would prob come up to you in the middle of the night and say, "Mama/Dada I peed on the bed" (I cant stop laughing writing this)

(I wouldnt comment on his um depression cause cant we have a genuine fluff headcanon?)

✧Chuuya

⤷A pure good boy

⤷He doesnt like to disappoint you which is honestly cute and concerning

⤷I think he might as well get valadation issues.

⤷And anger issues. He is just built that way

⤷"YOU DONT UNDERSTAND MY PAIN" Phase

⤷Probably had a jewellery obsession phase in middle school. But you wouldn't blame him, everyone has concerning phases in middle school.

⤷You and him have movie nights.

⤷He gets annoyed when you give him a goodnight kiss on forehead, but secretly love it.

⤷As a kid, he would prob try to hide his crying whenever he got hurt, but you could see his eyes holding back tears. You just look at him and go over him, holding his hand while kissing it, saying the boo-boo while go away. (He thought you had magical kisses to heal wounds till 6th grade)

⤷He might as well have nightmares, but that doesnt stop him from waking you up at the middle of the night, (even though he will hesitate) and sleep with you.

⤷Kid! Chuuya would probably love playing dress ups and now he regrets it because everytime he finds an old albumn, he will see himself in a pink tutu.

⤷He was once being bullied in school because of his height, and he kicked the guy in his nuts. #neverbeensoproud You gave him icecream as a treat.

⤷You accidently caught him drinking wine when he was a teen in highschool. Now you have two options, either go bizzare or drink with him.

✧Akutagawa

⤷ 10/10 had an emo phase in middle school

⤷You once opened his music app and well you know...

⤷He doesnt like when you waste money on him, like why are you even buying him merch of his favorite band??

⤷He doesnt speak much with you, he is a quite kid of the school.

⤷He aces his test, like full?

⤷Yeah even he got validation issues, but severe.

⤷Okay but why can I imagine him as a kid, he would probably enter your room in the middle of the night [he gets scared or nightmare occurs] and just stare at your sleeping figure questioning whether to wake you up or not. Ofcourse, being a parent you became a light sleeper, so imagining your kid staring at you at the middle of night is something-

⤷He believes EVERYTHING you say. Monster in the closet? Monster under bed manifesting if he doesn't sleeps? YES EVERYTHING.

⤷My little baby just needs a lots of hugs.

⤷Okeh buts its honestly so sweet of him to try bake a cake for you when its your birthday.

⤷He can cook, he can clean he can cough

⤷He would randomly come to you and give/get a hug from you while you try to process why your 'don't touch me' kid was hugging you

⤷He might as well be stealing eyeliners from you or buying it secretly.

⤷Also you regret opening his search history. (Don't ask)

A/N: AHHHHH I know this is like short and stuff but I literally have angst ideas at the moment and seeing the fandom condition i am speechless. I mean you all just made #bungou stray dogs trending on tumblr. P.s Chapter 109 made me loss my ability to write.

[soupthatistohot]

Dazai Osamu (BSD): a case study of a nihilist turned absurdist

I've talked a bit before about the themes of absurdism within BSD, and I think this plays heavily into Dazai and the personal journey he's gone on throughout the series (light novels included). From my perspective, his character development has followed a shift in ideology, from nihilism to absurdism.

First, I'd like to define how these two philosophies are similar yet different. Nihilism is the belief that life is intrinsically meaningless, and that there's no value to seeking meaning. Absurdism also believes that life has no intrinsic meaning, but states that revolting against the absurdity of existence is the way to create meaning.

While I don't think Dazai 100% fits either category fully at any given point in his life as we've seen it thus far, I think in his PM days he leans more towards a nihilist perspective, and following Oda's death he leans more towards an absurdist perspective.

Dazai's reasoning for joining the PM was because he thought that perhaps being around violence and raw emotions would help him understand humanity, giving him a reason to live. This doesn't sound quite like nihilism, but honestly, I think he gains a more nihilist point of view as time progresses and he realizes that he can't find meaning in the PM. I'm not even sure he believed that there was meaning to find in the first place, he was just desperate to prove himself wrong, and then failed, which really cemented this nihilistic mindset for him.

Friedrich Nietzsche, often regarded as the founding father of nihilism, claimed that nihilism "not only the belief that everything deserves to perish; but one actually puts one shoulder to the plough; one destroys.”

If life doesn't have meaning, then it doesn't matter to Dazai if he destroys. So, he fills a corpse with bullets, he horrifically abuses his subordinate, he actively tries to take his own life.

Nihilism is right in line with his suicidal nature. This isn't to say that all nihilists are inherently suicidal, but when one believes that life has no meaning, it's quite easy to come to the conclusion to kill oneself. I think this mindset really lends to his general depression and suicidal ideation, on top of the fact that he feels generally disconnected from humanity. It's so easy for him to consider himself inhuman because he has this nihilistic point of view that nothing matters and everyone else in society seems so dead set on opposing that worldview.

And then you have Oda. He is the closest thing Dazai gets to finding meaning within the PM. Like Chuuya, this is a person that fascinates Dazai, although his reason for fascination is much different. To Dazai, Oda represents what is good in the world, he thinks that he is a good man, and struggles to reconcile how a good person can come out of an existence so seemingly pointless and horrific.

Then, Oda dies.

It's an absurd occurrence, and to Dazai it only proves that life has no meaning. This is exemplified when Dazai speaks to Fyodor about God in Meursault: "[God] is known for is famous for his coincidences and absurdism, I've seen it countless times," and a flashback to Oda's death is shown. A good man died for seemingly no good reason, and to Dazai, this only proves life's meaningless, because to the universe it didn't matter who Oda was, he died, regardless.

(I quoted the dialogue from the BSD anime English dub because I feel it better suited my argument, but you can see that he's essentially saying the same thing).

This event should have only further cemented Dazai as a hardcore nihilist, but fortunately for him, Oda was able to get a word in before he passed. He told Dazai that as long as he believes the sides of good and bad are the same to him, he should be on the side that helps people. Oda suggests fighting against life's inherent absurdity -- and that's absurdism in a nutshell, revolting against a meaningless universe.

Dazai takes his advice, and within a few years, he's working for the ADA, he's on the side that helps people.

In that same conversation with Fyodor, Dazai speaks further about life's meaning:

"Those who scream within the storm of uncertainty and run with flowing blood." That's absurdism, the rebellion against uncertainty, meaninglessness, absurdity.

While I don't think Dazai is a bona-fide absurdist due to his suicidality (absurdism basically sees suicide as giving into meaninglessness), I think he's on his way there because of moments like this.

I don't think he's totally convinced that life is completely and utterly meaningless anymore. He, at the very least, has a respect for those who forge their own meaning through the act of revolt.

"Man stands face to face with the irrational. He feels within him his longing for happiness and for reason. The absurd is born of this confrontation between the human need and the unreasonable silence of the world." - Albert Camus

[the-bloody-sadist]

Can I ask your top 10 fav fics ever (from any fandom, if you don't mind)?

Also, just curious, is there a story behind your name "the bloody sadist"?

YOU FUCKING BET!!!! I love having the opportunity to list my favorites for anything, though I'm also incredibly picky about fanfics, so I don't actually know (until I start scrolling my bookmarks and listing them) if I'll reach a whole 10 favorites!! But I might! (Note: these are in no particular order)

What I Want From You is Sweet by VampireFaun (Heaven Official's Blessing) [And basically every other work that she's written! But some of my other top favorites of hers are The Thing That Was Not His Highness and Beast With Two Backs]: When I can't get a fanfic out of my head, I usually end up drawing an illustration based on it, if I'm bold enough to risk depicting an author's precious words (rare). This is my MOST re-read fic and I won't ever stop. It doesn't help that VampireFaun/Deer is a WONDERFUL PERSON and I love her personality so much. She's an incredible writer!

Tenfold by dgalerab (Bungou Stray Dogs) : Baby's first fic! This was one of the writings that immediately roped me into the fanfic world. When I first was into it, I was under the impression that everyone just went there to write half-assed explorations of sex between characters, and that wasn't so appealing to me. When I discovered that some people can write entire 25-chapter PLOTS with the level of literacy that matches what I hoped to read??? I was hooked. Obviously you can see in this list that I have strong devotion to a handful of fic writers and my favorites are just the top best fics that I return to of their writing. If I find a great writer, I subscribe to them and go on a rampage of consumption through their list of fics, my fandom or not! Please consider doing the same for those authors that I mention like that!! You'll find so much gold. Everything by dgalerab is good in some way, I have almost all of their fics bookmarked. :') My only complaint about this particular story was that HOLY FUCK THE AUTHOR CUT SO MANY SCENES WAY TOO SHORT LMAO. Please let me have a full comfort scene for more than two paragraphs T_T I worked so hard for it. I cried so much. ANYWAY, STILL A HUGE INSPIRATION FOR WHAT I WENT ON TO WRITE!

What You Have Tamed by Parsnipit (Heaven Official's Blessing)

Love is Hard, Life Sucks by gev_ao3 (Bungou Stray Dogs) : A painful inspection of the nuances of domestic abuse. This one rang true to reality so much that I don't think I can re-read it without having a depressive episode. It's not finished, but it's Fyozai, and you know how I feel about that. Also side-plot SKK! I usually can't stand AUs, but this one fits the situations very well. It's the type of fic that only someone who knows a little too much about how abuse works on a victim can write.

Careful Fear and Dead Devotion by intimatopia (Trigun Stampede) : Yet another fic that I couldn't help but draw for! And intimatopia was kind enough to link it in his fic summary T_T - A super angsty sadomasochistic fic about Vash needing pain and Wolfwood needing to give it. If I don't list any other fics by him on here, it's because I'm such a huge enjoyer of his writing (one of my favorite fic authors), so nearly all of them that don't hit on personal triggers are in my favorites category. He's a master at pinning down the PERFECT depictions of characters that make them feel as canon as possible while also becoming more tangible and real. The ZhongXiao, AyaThoma and Kaeluc fics are incredible. Read them all! However, I will mention that one of his fics that first stuck with me was his Kaeluc AU Northbound & Reaching ! Carys has done a lot of BSD fics too, of which a few stick out to me like They Say You Gotta Fake It and that one Soul Eater AU he did where Dazai was a knife in Chuuya's drawer who gained a body. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT WENT CUZ I CAN'T FIND IT TO LINK YOU BUT GO LOOK THROUGH ALL HIS FICS FOR IT. IT'S REALLY UNIQUE.

Top 5 works, I guess?? As I mentioned several times while gushing, three of these account for entire lists of the author's works that you should enjoy if we share the same taste! VampireFaun, dgalerab, and intimatopia are my top fic authors, and I've read everything they've posted as long as it didn't contain anything personally triggering - and have learned about new fandoms even! Also, Alaruya didn't make it on this list, but they have a Fyozai fic that really inspired me with its imagery and language. I link it in my Sinner fanfic if you're interested!

I have quite a few other random fics I enjoy, but most were from a Heaven Official's Blessing craze recently and then BSD works that inspired me in some way, but they're not very unique or long, so I felt like this was the best collection to list. Most any fic that explores Dazai struggling with self-harm or neediness or asexuality has my attention. It just has to be written well!

AS FAR AS MY NAME - YOU'RE THE FIRST TO ASK THAT QUESTION! I'm a big fan of...how to explain...slightly dehumanizing titles?? Something that isn't really a name, but a description of me in some way. Something that makes me feel mysterious and yet also gives everyone who reads it an idea of the type of works I'm creating. Of course, my main personality trait is being sadistic, and I love the word sadist, and I love putting THE in front of literally any title because I DON'T KNOW LMAO...I'm THE ONE. That kinda thing. I'M THE GUY!! YEAH I'M THE BLOODY SADIST GUY! THAT ONE! I also love smashing words together, so I was like, I can't just be THE sadist....what else do I like....and that's about it. If I name myself I tend to have trouble ever using anything else in reference to me, so Sadist has stuck from the very beginning. It's going to be very hard to part with that name once I publish a novel and have to use a first and last name...

THANKS FOR THE ASK!! I HOPE YOU ENOY THOSE RECS.

[mrsrookhunt]

Hellooo!! Can I request headcanon with a narcissistic reader please? Like reader with the personality lf tomie if you know her? With Dazai, Chuuya and fyodor please?

Absolutely! I'm still new to doing asks so forgive me if this feels ooc. :p

Yan!BSD Men with A Narcissistic S/O

Pairings: Dazai, Chuuya, Fyodor, Nikolai, Sigma, and Jouno

Dazai Osamu

You're Dazai's everything; but he very rarely gets as much attention as he'd like from you-- since you're always belittling him and putting yourself on this high throne above him and his friends.

To say it annoys Dazai is an understatement. He's positively furious with this outcome; how can someone he finds so perfect, so wonderful, be such a horrible person?

He never expected this; he thought you were all smiles and sunshine when you met, but once you knew he had fallen too deep for you, you let your mask slip, turning into someone he didn't know at all.

However, he can only keep up his own facade for so long. You think you're the one at the top- you're better than him, after all, right? But you couldn't be any more wrong.

Suddenly, he's like a living nightmare with you. Telling you how ugly you are, breaking down what he sees as narcissism and you see as confidence, until you begin to lose yourself in the depression he's induced. Sure, you're still a narcissist-- but now you don't focus on how amazing you are-- you focus on every little insecurity Dazai pointed out.

Who's really in charge here?

Chuuya Nakahara

He doesn't really know how to handle you. He understands, almost immediately after meeting you, that there's something wrong-- but he can't pinpoint what; that is, until Kouyou meets you for the first time. She knows, without a shadow of a doubt, what's wrong with you. Your lack of attention and affection to Chuuya, the way you hold yourself like you're looking at everyone in the room with distaste, as if you hold a higher position than everyone in the room.

She knows, and it unnerves you. You pull Chuuya away to leave almost immediately.

However, that doesn't stop her from telling him. And once the secret's out, Chuuya doesn't seem to look at you the same way, avoiding your eyes and often hiding from you.

He values people who put others above themselves, more than anything else. He curses himself for falling for a person like you, but there's not much he can do. He'd never leave you. He's trapped by you. Your intoxicating laugh, your beautiful eyes, and even your personality, as much as he hates what lies behind it.

He's now the one trapped, not you. The dynamic has shifted, but you're quick to realize what's happened, and you know there's no going back now.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Fyodor knows from the start that you have some rather unsavory traits. He's ok with it, since he knows that he's a rather enigmatic person himself.

However, what he's not ok with, is when you try to "put him in his place"-- he laughs cruelly and asks you who you think you are?

You're unsettled, but not undeterred. Keep this going, and he may just have to break you. He knows you; he knows how the intricacies of your mind work, and when you get too far into trying to remind him how you work, he'll put an immediate stop to it and remind you how he works.

When you give up and move onto his colleagues-- spreading rumors of him and blatantly lying to put yourself above him, he starts reconsidering your worth as his lover. And he tells you. He tells you, upfront, that he fantasizes about killing you when you pull shit like this. He lets you know your place. And hopefully, you learn. But maybe, just maybe-- you don't.

Nikolai Gogol

Nikolai knows from the start that you're a narcissist-- it excites him-- it's just one more reason to break you down.

When you start looking down on him, however, his excitement turns into disappointment. He thought you would just think highly of yourself-- he never thought you would turn up your nose at him!

However, he quickly discovers the exhilarating thrill of making you self-conscious!

At first it starts with just little things; he nags you about your appearance, the way you dress, and speak. Then, he takes the manipulation route, telling you that no one besides him could ever love you. When asked, he calls it "treatment ".

He's thrilled by the results. A shocked, shaking you by the end of every night, half-broken and ready for his signature mental warfare again by the next morning. He can't imagine anything greater.

Sigma

Sigma is half in tears with you. It's his fault, and you tell him that, but he doesn't want to listen.

He refuses to abandon you, even knowing how sick in the head you are. You're not worse than him, of course, but your narcissism is unbearable in the relationship.

He pleads and begs with Dostoevsky to fix you, but he laughs and tells Sigma that to "fix" you would be to break you.

Teary-eyed, Sigma comes home from work each day ready to be berated by you for every little thing that could not possibly be his fault.

He loves you.. that's what he tells himself. He goes through this because he loves you, and he knows you'll treat him better someday, because you love him too... right?

Jouno Saigiku

Jouno loves that you think you're better than him. It's so amusing.

He never lets you rest, subtly breaking you down just to hear your racing heartbeat as you squirm.

"You must not be so beautiful as you claim, honey, because since we're soulmates, God must have put us together! And God would never have made me miss out on such beauty..."

When Jouno said this for the first time, it was then that you began to question yourself, your own identity. What if he's right...? What if you're not p e r f e c t?

Jouno breaks you down with the softest little smile. Even knowing he was sadistic, you couldn't even peg this as sadism; it was something intrinsically wrong with you and you alone.

Jouno knew that you were so insecure because of him and loved exploiting you in your moments of weakness. After all, what better time to take what he wanted except when you were so vulnerable before him?

[rainswept]

why do you like chuuya /gen, like I dont mean to sound rude in anyway but why😭🙏

this is going under a read more because i started yapping and couldn’t stop. i’m sorry

his personality. hes so funny and hes such a bitch i love him. but also he’s an incredibly dynamic character. he’s well written and tbh that’s enough for me to like him already. he’s had so much shit thrown at him and very well could have become a horrible person but he’s not. others care about him and he cares about others. he hasn’t let himself become as bitter as he could have been. he is still so full of humanity despite it despite everything SEE NEXT PARAGRAPH

i’m a sucker for characters that are entirely completely human and yet don’t think they are, or struggle with whether they are or not (especially thinking so because of all the reasons that they are— but i suppose chuuya doesn’t really fit that part so i won’t get into that now.) like yes chuuya has (or had, i guess) a reason to believe he isn’t, but does that really matter when faced with the fact that you have emotions and blood just like everyone else? does your make matter when you’re not so different after all? it’s existential. it makes u think. 

his crime list is about as short as he is and i find that wonderful

his lore/past/backstory whatever you want to call it. not even, he’s still going through it. man 😭. he’s had so much loss but not a single goodbye and i think that’s a really fucking good (and depressing) concept. he has never had the chance to mourn properly. he acts like he did.

hes cunty

his dynamic w dazai i find very compelling too. like yes they bicker and yes they fight and yes they “hate” each other (they don’t) but they also trust each other with their lives and have left them in each other’s hands too many times to count. it shows u the depth of both their bond but also the characters individually. they’re not entirely self sufficient.. they can obviously take care of themselves but they’re at their best when working togegher. i thinkt hats cool. FREINDSHIP IS MAGIC!!1! no but it shows u that even the strongest people arent at their best until theyre able to connect. not that dazai and chuuya have a model relationship at all… but there’s trust there. and that’s enough

hes hot

he makes me so viscerally and upsettingly sad

dog motifs. ok hear me OUT i’m SORRY but tbh the title was what got me interested in bsd in the first place. everyone is a stray in this show and i like that very much. i love characters that are LOYAL to a FAULT. i love characters with gnashing teeth and wagging tails. i love characters that hold so tight onto things their hands hurt and they end up causing them to flee. that “everything i’ve ever loved has claw marks on it”??? yeah give me that shit i will eat it up EVERY TIME. i love characters that are blinded by their senses of duty, not in the way that they’d do anything whoever they’re loyal to asks of them (though that is a nice dynamic too, i don’t think that’s as Chuuya ™️ as the other i’m talking about), but in the way that they’d lay down their life without a second thought (or caring about how those people see them). a dog that is beat may bite but but but it will still have its duty. even if it hates it. (<- see also AKUTAGAWA akutagawa is the reigning champion of dog motifery that is probably why i love him so much. but that is akutagawa. and i’m talkign about chuuya so im gonna dhut up now) ) i like characters with Three Betrayals COUGH COUGH COU💥💥💥💥ogh mymgod scafamocuhe 3 betrayals chuuya flags sheep dazai Im HOWLIFJG someone KILL ME NEOW ok thay doesnt make aense i just thought it was funny. anywa

fanbs fanbs* FANGS idc if they’re fake

thanks for comign ti my ted talk 🙏 i may add more later. but i didn’t want to. talk. too much. um. i think that’s out the window though

[a-random-weeb]

Super excited you’re doing this! Thank you in advance 💘 could I have some general relationship head cannons for Chuuya please? I’m obsessed with him. This is so long I’m so sorry 💀

Name: Zoe; sweetheart for a nickname

Eye color: blue, and I wear glasses because I have terrible eyesight lol

Hair color: blonde

Height: 5’1

Hobbies: playing video games, reading, drawing, going out to clubs when I can afford it, and I LOVE to crochet

Likes: soda, sleeping, making custom crochet pieces for people I care about, perfumes, listing to music and singing at the top of my lungs lol, drinking, night drives,ghost shows (like ghost adventures, twin paranormal, Sam and Colby, etc.)

Dislikes: stupid drivers (road rage ceo over here), working my serving job bc people are so MEAN and I don’t get paid what I should, people who don’t respect boundaries, not being listened to/interrupted /not taken seriously, intentionally making me feel stupid

Personality: I tend to have a very blank resting face, and when I first meet someone I tend to come off as serious. Once I get even the slightest bit comfortable I’m very talkative and I will talk about damn near anything, and I LOVE having deep conversations. I tend to place others happiness before my own, and I’m very in tune with facial expressions and body language. In relationships my love language for sure is acts of service.

I love witchy/paranormal stuff and all of the darker themed things that go with that, but I also LOVE pink girly pop softgirl™️ I like both, so I try to embody both (that’s called range baby 😎)

I try to be happy and keep everyone around me happy, but I’m mentally ill as fuck lol. Ptsd, severe social anxiety, depression, and adhd gang lol. I’ve been through a lot and because of that I try to treat the people I love gently and softly, because even though many people in my past did terrible things to me I refuse to let that rule my actions. I want intimacy and love, and by giving that I’ll hopefully get it in return. I’m extremely loyal but I have a lot of trauma in around people stabbing me in the back and insulting my intelligence :/

Alcohol deletes my social anxiety and helps to distract from the bad thoughts, which is why I like going to parties/clubs. The alcohol works, and it’s so fun to dance and let loose for a while.

I’m such a hopeless romantic. Give me flowers, slow dance with me whenever and wherever, press your forehead against mine and we can breathe each other in and savor the moment, kiss me gently and hold my hand and tell me that I’m everything you’ve ever wanted. Nothing else matters when I have my entire world in my arms. Sigh that would be so nice 😭

Thank you again sorry it’s so long💘

I can definitely relate to you with some of the things you've said, which definitely helps. I mean, I'm too young to drink alcohol (I'm 19), but still.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

•He's so happy that you're shorter than him.

•He constantly tells you you're short because he's always wanted to say that instead of being the one who's being called short.

•You like going out to clubs you say? This man will pay for everything

•he tries to convince you to get off alcohol hypocrite

•He thinks it's so cool you crochet

•He tries to learn, but fails miserably 😭

•He definitely plays video games with you

•He definitely gets some cool consoles you can play on

•Game nights and movie nights are very common for you two

•He loves all the crochet stuff you make him

•He makes sure they never get ruined

•He definitely doesn't like how you put his happiness before your own

•he loves spoiling you

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry this is short (almost as short as Chuuya)

[marygodwin-bsd]

Other characters tho:

Kunikida: Despite it being the more efficient option, I feel like kunikida would rather cut off his hair than use 2-in-1 he’s just got 1 bottle for each thing and that includes a soap bar

Yosano: sis pulls out all the stops but not to the point that chuuya does. But she has a messy job. She has to clean well

Atsushi: uses hotel soap bars he’s collected after years

Akutagawa: had someone stalk dazai so he could use the same shampoo and then was depressed when he couldn’t bring himself to treat himself like that

Ranpo: he uses kid soap and those Elmo tablets that give you bubble bath but his hair always smells like bubblegum

Kenji: everyone is too scared to ask but hopefully he knows that boys his age need deodorant

Y'all know I'm right

[delphiniumarchangelmoon]

Some of the highlights from my bsd recostuming planning notes:

Mori: those boots are somehow the worst crime you’ve committed what the fuck are those absolutely not you’re getting vampy lace ups

Elise: he spends how much money on you just for you to wear a bunch of shit that doesn’t match? Absolutely not. If you wore that it’ll you’d be publicly humiliated on all the fashion forums girl STRIPED SOCKS???? THIS CAME OUT IN 2016 GIRL YOU’DGET WRECKED honey no I’m giving you the gothic look you deserve.

(The curse of hyperfixating on alt fashion, I cannot help but be a pedantic bitch about designs meant to emulate a specific subculture and clearly did not have an ounce of research put in it makes my blood boil)

Give junichiro a personality (that’s literally my only note for him 💀)

Kunikida needs to be sluttier, you can’t be walking around in a 3 piece suit and dress shoes when you’re constantly ready to throw down AND your official bio says you hate authority. No suit jacket, sleeves rolled up + docs.

Why is everyone wearing a vest???? Like I love a good waistcoat but there’s so many

Bram you’re perfect, no notes

Nikolai you’re perfect, no notes

Kouyou and Kyouka you’re perfect, no notes

Chuuya CINCH IN THAT WAIST BBGRL

Ranpo: fantasy elf nepo baby detective

Poe: depressed fantasy vampire prince

Mushitaro: tbh I just need you to not get drowned out by the other two more than you already do. Make sure he holds his own?

[boombboi]

a night in conversation

It was a solemn night, one so rare to appear after a mission of blood and terror. The bar was colored with muted lights, a somber atmosphere for a city as lively as Yokohama. Glasses clinked silently and quiet chatters roamed the four corners as if searching for a place to be, yearning for a place to rest.

Two people stepped inside the bar, the chatters stopped, only silence remained as knowing eyes surveyed the men dressed in blood and dirt.

The silence lasted a second, a suspenseful entrance.

Knowing eyes that know too much become corpses in the morning. So keeping quiet, always keeping quiet, the chatters returned.

It was rare a moment to see Dazai and Chuuya hanging out after a mission. It was even rarer for Chuuya to initiate this kind of conversation.

One, two, three glasses in.

"Why do you always wanna die?"

As if an answer has already been recorded, Dazai replied without a moment to spare, "Do you think there's any value in living?"

It was a question directed to himself.

Tipsy, his vision was getting a little bit blurry yet somehow, Chuuya managed to stay awake. "Value, huh?"

Chuuya twirled the drink in his hand. The ice clinked on to the glass, and as if starting a chain of harmonies that led to a surprisingly well-off musical, it provided a background rhythm to his words.

"What do you think value is? Do you think someone will give you a letter that says, 'this is the reason why you're living?' Don't make me laugh, bastard."

The receding liquid in Chuuya's glass seemed so interesting that his eyes fixated on it. "I was born into this world without any knowledge whatsoever so I don't think I was given any humane values when I came out."

Not with a destructive entity inside you. Never with a destructive entity living inside you.

Dazai stayed silent, awfully quiet as if becoming one with the tainted wallpapers stripping in and of itself of this old-timey bar.

Somehow also finding his partner's drink interesting, Dazai watched it closely as Chuuya sipped.

"In the end, we're gonna rot and die. Probably me before you."

Chuuya didn't know what he expected when he turned to Dazai and saw a subtly concerned face.

Arahabaki is a pain in the ass and Corruption destroys my body everytime I use it. Why are you acting like you're not aware of this?

"Chuuya-"

"Don't die before me, and don't die a lame death."

The bell rung, signifying another customer, and a wave of silence fell on them once more. Chuuya decided to leave with those words in the air, his glass echoed over the counter as he turned towards the door.

"Chuuya, do you think there's really any value in living?" A broken sound, different from before, directed to his partner.

"No one is handing out letters, Dazai. You make your own and write whatever you want."

Chuuya paused, anticipating the other's response.

Nothing.

"I've decided to kill you in the future. Look forward to it."

It was too solemn a night to fight, too solemn a night to argue. Dazai watched as Chuuya opened the door and disappeared.

Is there any value in living?

Recalling Chuuya's words, Dazai's mind fell into a silence.

No one is handing out letters, huh.

Dazai's lips curled into a smile.

"Guess I'll look forward to it."

tags @jessbeinme15 @chuuy-a @chuupire @confusedinsominiac @jesperisamfbicon @glittercrashhh @panic-at-the-gender @no-brain-just-akutagawa @deadmitochondria @galacticfairytheweeb @saintsprotecttheghoul @11nolongerhuman @boredotaku567 @bungoustraypups @akuutaguava @elvearryn @exi-stencil-ism @sophiliated @anxious-limp-noodle @ikin-y0u @missrown @miss-akutagawa @llanime @lillybet-the-overlord @jas-sea @flower-of-darkness @beautiful-is-boring @rirk-ke

i feel compelled to apologize for the tag but that aside, i hope you enjoy <3

[cheshire-writer]

Yeeees. We have Dazai "I lose things the moment I gain them" Osamu, canon fact. We have after one day of knowing Chuuya, Dazai "I'll give living a try" Osamu, also canon fact. We have Dazai "I spend every waking moment thinking how I can annoy Chuuya" Osamu, also canon. We have Dazai "I spent seven years thinking how to kill Chuuya" Osamu, yet Chuuya is (was?) still alive, once again canon fact.

They 'hate' each other, yet Chuuya is the only one who can understand Dazai's motives (Asagiri's AN in the Dead Apple novel, I think) and Dazai knows every little detail of how Chuuya moves and reacts and lets not forget the gentleness he ever only shows when Chuuya is passed out (SB, DA). Canon.

We have Dazai "Chuuya is the most human to ever human" Osamu (re basically all of SB), canon.

We have Chuuya and Dazai being foils for each other re the question of humanity, also canon.

We have "just two dudes looking for their humanity in each other", barely 'sub' subtext.

We have Dazai and Chuuya keeping each other's number even after Dazai's desertion, with Chuuya Drunk Dialing him!!!, also canon (someone tell me where we learn that).

We have Dazai "the choice is yours" Osamu, who never gives people other than Chuuya an actual choice.

These are all just the basic facts we're looking at with their relationship. (The list is not complete, I'm sure there is more.) Where I'm going with this? My pet theory is that Dazai comes closest to experiencing feeling anything approching actual human normal, is through Chuuya. Chuuya serves as the window for him to touch this to him abstract concept of humanity. Chuuya makes him /feel/ things (spite, annoyance, disgust, hatred, jealousy, glee, + everything our deranged skk brains can come up with). Chuuya motivates him to do things, be it out of pure spite or a determination not to lose to him (for whatever reason). Chuuya makes him /react/ (re 15, SB) when his usual resting face is constantly desribed at half-asleep, half-bored and even a freaking android (Adam, you cinamon roll) is unsettled by him. Simply put, Chuuya gives Dazai life (in whatever form, talking about a scale here). Poetically put, to Dazai, who is always drowning in apathy and depression, Chuuya is (a slap in the face of) fresh air, a shot of adrenaline right in Dazai's blood.

Now to the main point: What if that Chuuya dies?

I think we can agree that Dazai's everyday face, his silly persona, is just that - a persona. No Longer Human quotes also imply that that is nothing but a mask. Looking at BSD Dazai, a mask that is worn to vaguely fit into society, into the ADA. A habit, a defence mechanism, and a premptive manipulative tactic to make others underestimate him. Chuuya dies? I'm of the firm belief that Dazai would go something along the lines of "well, he's a dog and his lifespan was about to run out anyway", maybe with a casual dismissive hand wave. Maybe he'd ramble about finally being free or throwing a party or whatever. On the inside, though, his brain would be kicking into over drive to a) ascertain if Chuuya is really dead and this is not just a ploy b) who killed him c) why d) how (ie is Mori guilty by association/neglect).

Then, once he finds out that yes, Chuuya is dead, he could go on the classic revenge spee, which, while an interesting thought, it too obvious. Going on a revenge spee would mean, after all, admitting that Chuuya mattered enough to him to get avenged (admitting to himself or others, depending on if Dazai was in denial about it). Anyone with half a brain could look at what Dazai did to whoever killed Chuuya and figure out that they managed to hurt Dazai, and hurt him a lot, considering that he's never gone on a revenge spee like that before. And an admittance like that, when Dazai managed to twist the preception of his s*icidal tendencies in such a way that it's /accepted/ as normal, even as everyone knows he's serious (and, on part of the ADA, have plans to drag Dazai back to the world of the living anyway re 55 Minutes (the PM probably too, way back when, no way they didn't, but we don't have any information about that)), seems exceptionally unlikely. Dazai has made it his calling card to be unknowable (Chuuya the only exception (DA Asagiri notes), so to go out into the world and basically scream that hey, actually, the hatrack MATTERED to me seems directly opposed to his usual behavious.

Not that Dazai couldn't still do that, grief makes people do things and all, but I just don't think it's likely.

My theory is that Dazai would try to pretend nothing is wrong (maybe even believe it), keep to his routines, eveything is fine, execpt that he would be...slipping.

Dazai borrowed his moral compass from Oda, but, and this is what can bring the entire card house of Dazai's mo crumbling down, it's reliant on a) Dazai caring and b) Dazai GETTING humanity enough to understand what Oda meant by "saving orphans, protecting innocents". The one who enables Dazai to even vaguely get any of that is his sanity/humanity anchor (honestly, they're one and the same for Dazai) Chuuya. Dazai's relationship with living, values, morals, pain, emotions and DEATH is so fucked up, he needs a control factor outside of himself to gauge where he stands in relation to 'human' ('normal' is too much to ask for). And the only one who's been able to serve that role is Chuuya, despite all the others who canonically have quite some things in common with Dazai (Mori, Fyodor, Shibusawa). Chuuya is the only one because they're foils and because deep down, they are very, very alike (SB, also SB skk relationship analysis). It works ONLY with Chuuya BECAUSE they are so alike. Without Chuuya, Dazai lacks that control factor. Without Chuuya, he has no way of not drifting further and further away from humanity. To the point of no longer being able to work with his borrowed moral comapss. After all, who is to say that he couldn't one day make the to him logical conclusion that hey, death is nice, no one can harm anyone in death, death is safe. So that to protect the innocents/orphans most efficiently, he just...ought to, say, kill all innocents/orphans. Just theoretically. At the end of a long sliding scale.

It'd start innocently, like, say, with him leaning a bit too hard/with too cruel words on a witness or something. With a plan being just This Small Bit past the line of ruthlessness he himself drew into the sand as his ADA-modus operandi. And then he'd slip again. And again. Bodies would pile up, first on semi-accident, then on accidental-purpose, then on efficient-purpose. And again. And more. His attempts would become more frequent, more serious - for added tragedy, Dazai might not even know why he slips and why he can't take the edge off by casual jumps into the river anymore.

He'd keep slipping, and Ranpo would be watching, would have from the very beginning, like Mori, and others would also gradually start to notice -

and then what? Who knows. Maybe Dazai would be successful in an apptempt, maybe he'd set the world on fire cause of boredom/whim/why-not. He wouldn't team up with Fyodor, though, cause he could not care less about abilies, and because he'd never buy rewriting the world to make everything ok again and if he doesn't buy it, what's the point? Maybe he'd get assassinated before that.

Conclusion: Chuuya dies, Dazai's mental health + sanity get vaporized.

Nah everyone asking how and when Chuuya would snap if Dazai died. Where's my how and when will Dazai snap when Chuuya dies girlies?

Like I want deep analysis and shit about Dazai's trauma of losing things the moment he gains them and shit. And boy's obsessed, no way he's prancing out of there normal if that happens.

[bsdthings]

Dazai analysis

I think people tend to forget that Dazai is actually a depressed burnt out genius who has a problem with alcohol (whiskey) and probably smokes to numb the pain or even forget how numb he actually feels sometimes or so he started and then became addicted.

Dazai is basically a young adult, after all, and has a shit ton of trauma.

He's known in the Port Mafia as Demon prodigy and was raised by Mori himself.

When talking about him, the Mafia says "your blood is black. Mafia black, more so than anyone else in this country, "

And yet, we can see glimpses of hurt. We can deduce Dazai is hurt by everyone brushing off his suicide attempts. We can tell he doesn't actually want to form bonds with others because he knows he'll end up leaving and it's better to be hated than to have people crying his death.

He could have just left the Mafia, after all, and yet, he blew up Chuuya's car. Why do you think this is? Because Dazai knows Chuuya cares about him.

Dazai is scared of feelings and scared of even the idea of being loved and doesn't find himself worth it. This is the truth.

Even more, looking at how much he cared about Oda, we can deduce that at some point he believed he could be loved or accepted. But Oda died and I'm sure Dazai blames himself. He probably thinks that people who do stick to him will not end up well. He probably finds himself to be like a black cat—a misfortune.

"The greatest misfortune for Dazai's enemies is that they are Dazai's enemies"

He craves death—or, better said, he craves being free. Some might not understand it, but when you are suicidal, you don't necessarily crave death itself. No, death is too simple and too easy. You crave liberation. You crave the chains to be ripped apart, you crave freedom, from yourself, from people, from feelings. From everything that is considered life and actually brings you nothing but sorrow.

Someone who finds themselves in such situation doesn't think on a too long term. The moral compass is broken beyond limit and, as he said:

He wants to feel human. He wants it so bad and yet he's ingrained into himself and was even encouraged in more or less known ways that he is not human, from quotes like Demon prodigy to mafia black blood and we could go on.

Even more: Dazai respects Yosano and Fukuzawa. Yosano, who had to deal with Mori, just as he had to. It's quite of a bonding over the trauma, even if different. Fukuzawa is like an actual proper father figure he probably never had and seems to understand him yet trusts him. Fukuzawa gives Dazai a stability he probably never had, not in the proper way.

(as someone who studies the development of people, I can tell you that a kid who's not given stability by the important figures in their life ends up insecure)

We are given hints of him being a womanizer and yet only in the context of commiting double suicide with him. He's rather flirtatious if anything else and with how manipulative he is, he could make someone double suicide with him, but he wants a "clean suicide". I am indeed sure that he is probably a womanizer (yes, Dazai bisexual king in my opinion) and is indulging into such things to feel something other than numb or guilt or hurt.

Because Dazai does feel guilt.

He acts like a clown to entertain people, loves nagging at Kunikida, told Kyouka 35 people are nothing and people not being able to change is bullshit with Oda in his mind.

Dazai is complex and I'm not negating that he's bad. He is bad. He is toxic. He is everything you wanna call him. But he's also a heavily traumatized kid who became an adult and you gotta keep that in mind.

Dazai is relatable in the way most of BSD characters are. He's morally grey at best and the Mafia days haunt him.

Like it or not, Dazai is an amazing and very influential character.

[spacexseven]

ok im sure you're Sick! of hearing about this by now BUT I woke up in a cold sweat last night to write this... I promise I can come up with other things...

ok consider this: dazai going from a mostly sadistic yan to mostly affectionate, possibly delusional for subordinate... maybe dazai decides to spy on them on their day off with their family, but instead of getting fuel to torment his favorite punching bag he just feels... weird, seeing them so carefree. or maybe he winds up injured on a mission and instead of leaving him for the wolves they actually take care of him, until backup arrives, and help can't help but wish they were the one securing his new bandages instead of stupid mori. or maybe mori starts assigning them to new teams to test their progress and dazai gets anxious, seeing them get on so well with other members... hes gonna get them back after this right? RIGHT??? please don't give his puppy away to stinky ol chuuya he'll take good care of them from now on he SWEARS.

either way, he walks away from the encounter depressed with longing. suddenly, his bed is empty to sleep in, to the point where he rifles through their personal effects to steal a shirt he can snuggle up to to catch a couple hours rest.

he gives into the feelings pretty quick after he starts losing himself in daydreams of being soft with his cute subordinate, even getting shy when he talks to them (which. huh?). subordinates pulled off missions (bad puppy, dangerous!!), legs almost too numb to stand with how often dazai wants to curl up in their lap like a housecat, and every time dazai sees them he practically shrieks in delight, begs for their attention even when hes in the middle of something else (is he not embarrassed??)

when he finally mumbles "i love you" against their lips, usually soulless eyes full to bursting with it, a cold dread washes over them. if there was a way out of this before, there certainly isn't now.

of course, dazai never really loses interest in tormenting his subordinate, its just always followed up with being drowned in affection now which is TOTALLY for your sake not his. have fun getting injured on purpose so dazai can live out his fantasies of nursing you back to health like a baby bird lol

- 🩹

ahhh don't worry i'm not sick of it all :D i love clingy dazai

cw: obsession, implied violence towards darling from dazai

"dazai can live out his fantasies of nursing you back to health like a baby bird" describes him best.

like he's always hovering and fretting but he's trying to hide it, 'cos everyone's used to him bullying you at any chance he gets, how weird would it be to see dazai all clingy and whiny right after telling you to do some humiliating task for him? it's really awkward when mori's telling him about transferring to an actual team now that you've made good progress and dazai's all like "no. no way. they're not ready for that."

"but dazai, you've been training them for a year now..."

"so? still not ready."

and yea, mori's the boss, but even he's a little terrified of dazai, so he complies, despite knowing how dangerous this whole thing was.

despite how he genuinely just wanted to get a kick out of you and have someone at his side like a pet at first, once you do something good for him even though he's only ever made your life a living hell, dazai is convinced you must secretly love him. no wonder you never once asked to be transferred or to run away (it's not because you're scared of mori and dazai, definitely not!) he's used to people finding him attractive, but this is you, who he also has a not so subtle crush? infatuation? with, so, it's different.

once he's convinced himself of this, everything changes. suddenly, his little kicks aren't as painful—or were you just developing muscle? he's stopping you from going on any missions that aren't only with him, forcing you to stay inside and do paperwork?! or bring him snacks, which he makes you feed him. it's so weird to see him plastered at your side all the time, and while he still likes bossing you around, it's less violent than before (for now, at least. sometimes he just gets up and for no reason, decides to injure you—but it's better than the previous times he'd throw you into a fight with a proficient ability user and turn the other way)

once he decides the two of you are totally in love and he finally confesses, it's really over. he'll never 'lose interest' like you might have been previously hoping, he'll never just decide you're no fun to kick around anymore and pick on someone else. it's really just you for him for...probably a long time. well, at least he actually tries to nurse you back to health this time, even if the bandages are a little too tight and his stitching is uneven, and his habits of kissing each wound because "love helps it heal faster" gets on your nerves. better than nothing, right?

[whorefordazai]

— town of existence

ft. dazai x gn! reader

genre : bit of hurt, comfort

word count : 1.4k

warnings : a few depressing themes and mentions of nail biting

notes : it’s 3am, i got brain rot while listening to earthmover by have a nice life </3

dazai osamu thinks.

he thinks a lot. he thinks to the point where his brain itches, his face feels hot, his throat begins to dry. he often finds his finger nails between his teeth. he finds himself gnawing away until his cuticles are destroyed and the look of them is no longer smooth and unbothered. he even debates on wearing gloves like chuuya does. but he knows a part of him will remember that mori also wears gloves. and he definitely does not want to remember that.

two days. two days, i won’t bite my nails, he says.

what a load of bullshit.

he doesn’t bite for two days, his skin cells have regenerated. finally, he can breathe.

but all that progress goes down the drain when his brain begins to think again. his brain begins to rot. once again, his head will not give him a rest. once again, he finds himself pulling at his hair, tugging at his ears—all because of one thought. all because of the fear of not being five steps ahead. all because of the fear of not being prepared for any storm that could hit his way.

dazai osamu disappears.

it’s quiet, it’s subtle. no one notices. except maybe you, he thinks.

he perfectly plans his disappearance. first, he’ll solve a few cases at the agency; brush them off like they’re no big deal. piece of cake. he’ll even do some half assed reports so kunikida won’t bug him. he’ll stock up on bandages from yosano, he’ll give ranpo some candy, he’ll give kenji and kyouka piggy back rides. he’ll ruffle atsushi’s hair and make sure to pat him on the back.

he’ll leave them with a smile on his face, just so they won’t worry. and it works. none of them worry. none of them, except you.

lastly, right before walking out the door to his disappearance, he’ll look at you.

right before walking out into the bitter night, he’ll pause. he’ll wait for a few seconds right at the doorway. he’ll turn his head ever so slightly, just to get a glance at you. he’ll make eye contact and smile.

oh that fucking smile, you think.

and you’ll smile back. just an everlasting fleeting moment between the two of you—something genuine.

he’ll smile, sometimes wave his fingers. but you notice. you notice his disappearance. his coat is hanging on his arm, his feet feel heavy, his hair hasn’t been cleaned in a while. he slouches every time he walks.

his eyes are dark. as if remembering every single moment that has happened to him in the last twenty two years.

and just like that, the moment is over. he’ll wink, then simply leave you with a soft smile on his face. leaving you to wonder where the hell he’ll be going this time.

dazai osamu is tired.

he is tired of wanting to live but not wanting to be alive. he is tired of wanting an escape. he is tired of feeling trapped, bored and claustrophobic. he is tired of knowing there is so much to see and so much to do, but finding himself doing nothing at all. he is tired of seeing himself from outside of his body, looking down at himself in this metaphorical bubble that he’s created. he is tired of not knowing what the hell he’s doing or how to get out of it.

dazai osamu comes back.

he always does. he has no choice. he walks into the agency, sauntering through the doors with a huge smile on his face. kunikida will yell at him for being a nuisance, yosano will scold him for not fixing his hair. atsushi will roll his eyes at the sight of him spinning around in his chair. he has perfected his clown act to fool everyone.

everyone but you.

you notice the smell of liquor surrounding his body. you notice the hints of red brimmed around his eyes. you notice the redness on his knuckles. you notice how his shirt hasn’t been ironed in weeks. you notice the way he tilts his head back and closes his eyes when no one is looking. you notice the little breath that escapes his lips when someone asks where he had disappeared off to.

dazai osamu feels odd.

he thinks he is disappearing and no one is noticing. and he’s fine with it. he doesn’t want anyone to notice. he doesn’t want to be a bother.

he feels out of place, although that isn’t a new feeling. it’s almost like someone has taken a paint brush and blurred out his face. so that his body is the only thing people see. he feels like he is not really there. he has to sometimes remind himself that he exists.

i exist. i exist. i exist. i exist. i exist. i exist.

every time he closes his eyes, his mind forces him to remember blood. all the blood he’s spilled in his lifetime. but most importantly, his blood. odasaku’s blood on his hands. his limp body in dazai’s thin arms.

his brain feels like static.

dazai had remembered his arms aching. holding up odasaku while he was losing his last breath had hurt his arms. that was all. it was that simple. he didn’t remember much, yet he remembered every detail.

dazai osamu thinks you are strange.

after he walks through the agency’s doors from his days worth of disappearance, you are there to greet him. but it’s different from the others’ greeting.

you smile, move closer, and tilt your head.

“i’m glad you’re okay dazai.” you smile, handing him a kid’s juice box and pat his head.

he likes head pats. more specifically, your head pats. he likes the way your fingers tickle his hair. he likes the way your eyes crinkle and the smile on your face. for a moment, an image of him laying his head on your lap while your fingers weave through his hair flashes across his mind.

he blinks a few times. he catches himself blushing.

“what’s wrong dazai? you look a bit red. do you have a fever?” you’ll ask, gently touching his forehead with the back of your hand. but he notices how you softly move away his bangs. it tickles. he has to hold in a giggle. and he definitely notices your hand on his shoulder. he silently prays you’ll stop touching him, or else he’ll get attached.

sometimes he lets himself believe that you don’t just look at him. like you can really see him. the him under the millions of layers that are not him.

dazai osamu likes the stars.

he especially likes laying on the floor in the middle of nowhere and looking up at the night sky.

he often does it at the agency’s roof top. specifically when it is snowing. he likes the soft cushion that the later of snow provides when he flops down on the ground. it doesn’t matter that his coat will get wet or his hair will feel weird.

it doesn’t matter that his neck will freeze and his hands will feel like icecicles. it doesn’t matter that he will start sneezing and his nose will become red and runny within minutes of going back inside. it doesn’t matter if kunikida will yell at him for being an idiot and atsushi will throw a box of tissues on his lap.

it doesn’t matter.

none of that matters because it is all worth it when he sees you walk through the doors of the roof. his eyes open a little to peak out at your figure making its way to him.

he waits for you to say something, he waits for you to scold or nag at him to get out of the snow.

but to his surprise, you do the complete and utter opposite.

“this is nice.” you simply say, laying down on the snowy floor next to him. your hands are folded on your stomach, your eyes are closed.

he tilts his head to look at your face. it is completely still. completely quiet. you look absolutely beautiful. he turns back forward to meet the cloudy night sky.

“time just stopped.” you say.

“hm? what was that...?” he questions back, even though he heard every word you said.

you ever so slightly move your head so that it’s touching his shoulder. you smile. “time just stopped. for you and me. it stopped.”

he blinks. he is a little confused. “ah, but time stops for no one.”

you chuckle, now completely letting your head touch his shoulder. he doesn’t complain; not even in his mind. he likes the feeling of your warmth on him while he lays on the cold icy floor.

you smile, brushing your hand against his.

“well, time stopped for us.”

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