#everyone has at least one because even ace and aro people have friends

[christaspirit]

Holy crap, I've got a character with this ability, who goes on to be a relationship counselor...

--

Most everyone has heard of the red string of fate. Sure, no one probably thought it was real, but many had heard of it. A string tying soulmates together.

But there were others. Strings symbolizing relationships of other kinds. Ties between family, between friends, between romantic partners. The string's location and intensity varied, especially depending on the healthiness of a relationship. A pink string of romance tied around one partner's neck and tinged green was a sure sign to end the relationship. A blue string of friendship fading away on one end often meant the relationship was truly one sided.

Amare had always been able to see these strings. A red and pink between his parents; yellow between him, his brothers, and his parents; blue between him and his friends.

A red string tied to everyone's finger.

Everyone had a red string. A tie between them and their perfect soulmate. Sometimes it didn't have another end for a few years. Sometimes, someone had multiple. Sometimes the string would eventually land between romantic partners, sometimes it was between friends.

If Amare focused on the string, he could sometimes see out of the eyes of the person on the other end.

Most of the time, he tuned them out. The strings could be confusing, and if he paid them too much mind he could feel them, and would often trip on the strings crisscrossing through the world.

He tried not to interfere with relationships, just to force soulmates together. Soulmates would always meet eventually, and so Amare didn't feel the need to force them. If someone wanted his help, however, or if the relationships he saw were clearly toxic, he would step in.

All five of his older brothers had learned to ask him before marrying their partners. It had been slightly awkward for his oldest brother to ask him considering they were 15 years apart, and his brother got engaged at 20.

He'd gained the reputation of being "Cupid" at school.

Despite what he could do with other people, he'd never been able to see out of his own soulmate's eyes. Black met him each time.

He didn't know what it meant. Was his soulmate blind? Could he just not see through his own soulmate's eyes?

It wasn't like this ability came with a manual. Most of the time, it was just distracting. He did not want to see the orange strings between his Chemistry teacher and English teacher. Especially not when they both had pink strings heading off in different directions to their spouses.

He was just glad that he had yet to see an orange or pink string between a classmate and a teacher.

He was a freshmen in high school now, and was relieved he hadn't found out worse. It could have been worse.

No one had called him crazy yet either, so that was good.

But for the first time he was wondering.

The new girl at school, Solis, who had been found in the woods with no memory, was intresting.

She had a faded yellow string and two yellow strings alternating with black. Two dead family members, and one she wasn't close to (which made sense for her amnesia). A faded pink string that twirled with her red string.

So likely, before she lost her memory, she'd been dating her soulmate.

But where was that soulmate?

There were also two faded blue strings, and the stronger blue string toward Luna, that was crossing with a forming yellow one.

But when he had touched her red string, he saw black.

Her soulmate wasn't dead, he knew that.

The year got more unusual when he had checked in on his own soulmate string and... saw, something.

Forest.

Two days later, he met her. His soulmate.

She had a two yellow strings alternating with black, and a strong yellow string leading to... Solis. She had weak blue strings with the three other new kids, two of whom shared a red and pink string, and the third shared a red and pink with... Solis.

The new kids were weird as well. All of them had yellow strings with black segments. Orphans. Beyond that, they talked weird. Very formal.

But that wasn't important. He was just trying to get to know his soulmate.

And figure out why the heck they keep literally bumping into each other.

Some say that an invisible red string is tied around the fingers of soulmates meant to be together forever. As it turns out, you can see these red strings, and have therefore created a highly successful matchmaking business.

[risesthenight]

Aro vs Ace

As someone who’s aroace i’ve noticed a very clear cultural distinction between people who are just ace and people who are aroace. One of the most commonly used phrases i’ve seen in the ace community is the classic “we’re still human, we still feel love” excuse. A phrase that throws every aromantic individual under the bus when certain aces try to defend their orientations to straight people.

If you grew up aroace, or just aromantic, you’ve most likely felt broken. Surrounded by love being broadcasted as a milestone, and forced upon everyone with romcoms , true loves kisses, and “there’s someone for everyone” type phrases. If you grew up ace, you felt broken too. Surrounded by first times, the purity of virginity, and the fantasies that everyone seemed to have. However, people are more likely to be accepting of aces, because they see it as a choice to stay celibate. While that’s not true, they have something to lean back on, something pre-existing that allows their “choice” to be accepted. But when people hear of someone who doesn’t experience love? That is much less likely to be accepted. You will be told that you are broken. You will still be believed to have made this as a choice, and people will try to convince you to rethink the decision. There is nothing to lean back on, because the idea of being loveless, will always going with being heartless. You’re suddenly a monster, you are not pure.

Over the past few years, asexual has becoming a growing label in the community. Asexual characters appear all over media, it’s actually a much more common label now. There is still discrimination, there is still hate, but there is more acceptance than there has ever been before. Aros are at a point where they’re still more likely to be shunned for their lack of attraction, all while watching their Ace friends be accepted. Because at least they still love, right? They’re not completely broken, unlike them. Because love is love. The very phrase that isolates us from the community. If love is love, where the hell do we go? What if there is no love?

For this reason, I always resonated more with the aromantic part of aroace. Whenever I scroll the ace tag, or talk with ace people, I’m still finding myself being outcasted, feeling as if the label shouldn’t even apply to me. To scroll the aro tag, I feel much more at home. They don’t hold messages with cruel undertones, there is no undermining of ace identities, just an embrace of our collective independence.

I’m aroace, but I hardly feel ace.

[saltydogsmut]

You know, there could be an argument that Ashley a deeply closeted comp-het lesbian. Aro/ace if you prefer.

Because in spite of her obsession with Andrew, we never see her even think about or acknowledge other men. Even though she's upset when they don't find her particularly attractive, she doesn't seem to understand what sex drive is attached to. Only realising that Andrew would be a deterrent to the guards when he mentions it. And not recognising the murders and threats would quash Andrew's when dealing with the lady I the apartment.

Ashley may not understand the feeling of attraction and love, which is why you get to choose how she defines her own feelings. Her jokes about sex and loving Andrew too much are just that, jokes. She doesn't get the intense feelings everyone else does about the topic as she has no stake in either.

Her understanding of sexuality/people is from r-rated films and maybe some of the theoretical porn books Andrew has stashed away somewhere. (So far as I know, you can't find any, but maybe they're the parents' books, who knows.) . When she's trying to appeal to Andrew it's all about her labour and not anything of a sexual nature, it's always Andrew who initiates the more dubious physical side to their relationship, fingers in her belt loops, crawling into her bed at night, etc. This is why she thinks it's Andrew whose actions are more suggestive than her own. She even admits that in the questionable/love ending, she doesn't particularly care to pursue it. It's just a way to keep him around.

And yet, she always has feirce reactions to women. Why does she call all other women vile temptresses‐ aside from indoctrination from movies/her mom? It could be because she herself has a strong attraction to women. She tries to get confirmation from Andrew about her feelings, asking if he thinks nina is pretty, because she thought nina was pretty. Nina stopped being her friend as soon as Ashley found out she had feelings for her brother- not just because of the risk to Andy spending less time with her and the potential of them never being friends to begin with and only a means to an end- but potentially because Ashley had a crush on her and felt rejected.

The same could be said for Julia, who Ashley sends insulting and vulgar phonecalls to, showing her confusion of where the lines should be by saying "you think you're better because you can fuck him and I can't?!" But clearly according to one ending she can. Or at least, partway. We understand something sexual happened, but its possible they didn't have vaginal intercourse. Ashley might not be able to get physically aroused while thinking about men, making her assertions about women even more stark. If women can arouse even her, then surely no man could ever resist their charms. Not even Andrew.

After all, Ashley can place herself in the romance spot between the other girl bunnies, but her budding feelings can never blossom. Only Andrew gets to experience thd blooms of romance.

Anyway. This bitch gay. YEET.

[yinwaryuri]

Seeing a lot of upset posts about how the show ended with Boston and feeling like something really went over a few heads. Do I also believe Boston deserved better? Yes. But let's be realistic in the way Jojo and Ninew approached this.

Boston and his promiscuity have been the target of harsh judgements from episode one. And the writers have stated that he has a moral code, it's just very different from others. I was never expecting him to state it outright, that it would just be a thing worth paragraphs of speculative meta, but he does!

Boston stated his definition of boyfriend. If he wants to be exclusive, that's for all the emotional bonding that he desires with someone special, but does not deny him the ability to fulfill his physical desires with whomever he wishes. That's not just polyamory, it's a very specific kind!!! And it's entirely different from the traditional sort of relationship society has accepted. The thing is, he wouldn't have discovered that possibility without knowing Nick.

Boston did genuinely fall for Nick. But how could he have handled that properly when he has no experience being loved and has never learned how to love someone back? Moreover, how could he come to the conclusion that he likes being exclusive in one way but not another without absolutely fumbling the bag with someone who's on a different page? It's not exactly Nick's fault that he prefers physical affection to be exclusive as well, that's just how he is. There couldn't have been any discussion about this, it was a discovery in the making.

The truth is Boston would still have a hard time finding happiness in Thailand due to the political climate, especially with his father being a politician. He's gay and that alone makes achieving his dreams more difficult, but being as promiscuous as he is means even a majority of the queer community will shut him out. He's better off moving to the states where at least he has rights and better acceptance for who he is. And that's what happened.

Because having a sexual or romantic appetite outside of monogamy is still looked down on. I still see it in the BL fandom. I see it just in general. 3 Will Be Free is so often cited as a must-watch, but how many people stick to their comfort branded pairings?* How many people have made or heard jokes about the "Seattle polycule"? How many romantic aces and allosexual aros get othered and excluded and judged for their identity?

Jojo said there was no intended message, but that doesn't mean there isn't one to be found. Boston's arc is a prime example of how slutty queers get treated even by their own peers, even by people who care about them most. It's a cry from the cold and lonely dark that if we think these people deserve better, we need to change existing paradigms and find how we can give them that!

Nick wasn't prepared to do that because he is still hurting, and that's also okay. Not everyone has to change themselves to make the puzzle pieces fit. Boston and Nick's story centers around that so much. Nick being jealous and trying to copy Top, Boston trying to be what he thinks a boyfriend is - they only hurt each other because the parts that don't fit are digging in.

I hope we get a second season, but if not friends, remember Boston. He represents such a particular demographic that gets hated on and ignored constantly, and they deserve a chance. They're not easy, but that doesn't mean they're not worth it. Remember Nick too. We all have a Nick in some manner - someone that made us want to try, but no matter how much we cared for each other it just wasn't going to work. Family, friends, partners, whoever.

Instead of being outraged with the show, be outraged with society. Do something about it. Be kinder. Community is important, now more than ever. I cannot possibly overstate how much we need community, especially among minorities.

*this isn't meant to be judgmental toward fans who prefer branded pairings or aren't interested in that particular show. I know watching anything requires time and energy and scratching a certain itch at the right moment. It is, however, a concern that so many fans complained about numerous aspects of OF to the point where the creators went to the effort of explaining themselves on a weekly basis and editing certain parts to avoid backlash. I mentioned 3 Will Be Free because it's another example of Jojo's work. Many BL fans have heard of it, but only a small portion seem to have watched, and that can be an indicator of certain biases. This is not to imply anyone who hasn't seen it has said biases and is only intended to encourage reflection if needed.

[cinderella-ish]

Fruits Basket Queer Headcanons

The more I watch and read Fruits Basket, the more I get the sense that no one is straight here. Well... almost no one. So, in honor of pride month, here are my queer headcanons for the cast of Fruits Basket!

(Disclaimer that these are my own personal headcanons, obviously nothing official, etc... I try to draw on evidence from the text, but I'll admit I'm occasionally going purely off vibe. Also, I'm bi and genderfluid, so that's the lens I'm bringing to this. I'd love to hear your headcanons, especially if they differ from mine! Enjoy!)

Genderfluid and/or genderqueer: Ayame and Ritsu

I (probably somewhat controversially) think a lot of the gender non-conformity among Fruits Basket characters is just that: gender non-conformity. Momiji is one example; he dresses in girls' clothing (though not "like a girl") until his growth spurt, but it seems important to him to be seen as a man from at least that point forward.

Ritsu is someone whose gender identity and/or nonconformity really should've been explored more in the manga - as written, it feels like Ritsu's exploration of gender was viewed as something he'd grow out of, rather than a search for understanding himself. He doesn't really seem to mind being identified as either male or female, though he obviously feels a lot of shame about his comfort with wearing women's clothes (though no one around him when we meet him really seems to mind, which is nice-- I also appreciate that Ritsu was shown to have friends who adore him outside of the Sohmas). Anyway, the fact that he seems okay with being referred to as both a man and a woman is the entire basis for this headcanon.

Ritsu also idolizes Ayame, and I think part of this stems from Ayame's own security in his non-traditional gender presentation. We don't really get a lot of Ayame's thoughts on gender, despite his line of work, but he strikes me as the sort of person who would enjoy playing with his own gender presentation and would be more than open to exploring his gender identity (and probably has!). I think Ayame would lean more toward having an expansive view of masculinity rather than dressing more feminine when he feels more feminine, but I also think he would embrace the different ways people might perceive his gender.

Transgender Woman: Akito Sohma

This I think is quite clear in canon. Akito was assigned male at birth, then transitioned to female.

What makes it hard for some people to see Akito as trans is that the reason she was assigned male at birth was not the typical reason people are assigned male at birth in our world (it was her mother's demand, rather than a guess based on the shape of her genitals), but I don't think that makes her any less trans.

Under the Ace and/or Aro Umbrellas

This umbrella is a little tricky for several of these characters, because they've been forbidden from dating, or had very controlling parents, or thought they'd only hurt anyone they loved, so they haven't necessarily had time to figure out whether they've just repressed that part of themselves or they just don't experience attraction at all/without a strong emotional connection first. (Not everyone needs time to figure that out, though!) But anyway, here's who I think would eventually find themselves under at least one of these umbrellas!

Asexual/Aromantic: Kazuma

I love the tidbit that Kazuma tried dating women, but talked so much about Kyo that he never got a second date. I like the interpretation of him as a gay man, but to me, he reads as asexual/aromantic. Dating just doesn't even seem to be on his radar!

Demisexual/Demiromantic: Kyo, Shigure, Machi

A lot of the fandom sees Kyo as demi, and I'm totally here for that interpretation of him. He generally seems annoyed by or frightened of girls who aren't Tohru (frightened either when there's a risk of transforming, or when Kagura is involved). Also, it's CUTE that Kyo takes after his dad (Kazuma) in this way.

At first blush, it seems very unlikely Shigure is under the ace umbrella, but I couldn't stop thinking about his brief relationship with Mayu. He's the one who suggested they date, yet he seemed completely disinterested in her. He did sleep with Ren, but that was only for revenge and because he imagined Akito would look like her if she'd been allowed to grow up as a woman. I genuinely believe all his "high school girls" ickiness was an act, much like most of his personality.

It doesn't seem like Machi can totally tell if/when she likes something (or someone!). This makes me wonder if she's just never had feelings for anyone before Yuki.

Demiromantic: Rin, Hiro

Rin seems open to sexual relations with people other than Haru, but I genuinely can't see her having romantic feelings for anyone other than him. I see Hiro similarly with respect to Kisa. I think, if they ever split, it would take an extremely long time for him to even be open to falling for someone else.

Under the Bi/Pan+ Umbrella

So, I'm not making a distinction between these two (and other orientations that fall under the same umbrella, like poly- or omnisexual) because that seems like a very personal, internal conversation. I know some people make a distinction between the way bi and pan people experience attraction, but some don't, and that feels too prescriptivist for my purposes here. So, these are characters who I think experience attraction to multiple genders!

Tohru obviously falls for Kyo, but she also thinks Akito is cute, she thinks Rin is "shapely" and "beautiful" (her words!), and she goes along with it when Saki talks about them getting married.

Yuki ends up with Machi (and I love them together!) but I think Kyo was his first crush. His arc is also very relatable for a lot of queer folks (myself included!). And he's a disaster. Long live bisexual disaster Yuki Sohma!

Shigure is tricky, because the flirtation between him and Ayame could just be a joke, but I personally think it's a joke that arose out of some fun nights spent together...

Akito obviously likes men, but she also flirts with Tohru when they first meet.

Saki talks about marrying both Tohru and Kazuma. She's probably joking about Kazuma, but she's generally a very literal person, so I don't think she's joking about Tohru. She also marries a foreigner canonically, and that foreigner is probably a man.

Momiji talks about finding an amazing sweetheart-- not an amazing wife or girlfriend!!-- one day. I think he was being very intentional in not specifying his future partner's gender.

Hatori is the one I feel least sure of, but my headcanon is that he gets so annoyed and embarrassed by Shigure and Ayame because he doesn't want anyone to know he was totally part of at least a few of those trysts...

Mutsuki and Hajime are definitely together, right? And it seems like the fandom mostly sees Mutsuki as bi, which... yeah, that tracks.

Hatsuharu's first love was Yuki, and his last love was Rin.

Kakeru has a girlfriend, but for some reason, I have it in my head that he always refers to Kyo as Yuki's "hot cousin"? Did I just imagine that? Anyway... even if I did make that up, I think his backstory is a great analogy for the experience of coming out. He was trying to fit in a box and decided he was done with it. Pure chaotic bi energy.

For Ayame, see Shigure and Hatori above. (Also, “I am a bottom ALL THE WAY!!!”)

Mine is admittedly here just based on vibes.

Mitsuru likes Ritsu even though she's not entirely sure of Ritsu's gender!

Kimi is also here purely based on vibes.

Gay and Lesbian

Hiroshi has always struck me as gay. I can't really explain it. I usually have absolutely awful gaydar, so it's odd that he gives me such clear gay vibes. I wrote him as gay in my longfic, Bloom Within Us, and I'll probably always write him as gay.

President Takei obviously has a crush on Yuki. We don't really see him show interest in anyone else (partially because he's such a minor character). He also seems to still be a bachelor in Another, which could be because he can't legally marry yet...

My headcanon that Kunimitsu is gay kind of popped up as I was writing Bloom Within Us. There's no particular reason, and he doesn't give me strong gay vibes or anything.

Hajime and Mutsuki are definitely a couple! (Right?!) And it seems like most of the fandom sees Hajime as gay which... yeah, I can get behind that.

Akimoto (Arisa's senpai from her gang) is another character who gives me such strong vibes that I thought it was canon that she was a lesbian. Whoops. Anyway, I headcanon that Akimoto is gay, and referenced that in one of my oneshots.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Controversial omission: Arisa Uotani. She says she likes Kureno because he reminds her of Tohru, but she doesn't like Tohru? Yes, she gives me major queer vibes but this to me points to her being straight. Also, based on the way she reacts to her friends developing crushes or falling in love (and the way they react to her falling in love), I don't think there's anything between her and Saki or her and Tohru (as much as I love fics that pair her with Saki!). I also think not every relationship with lots of physical affection and strong feelings of love has to be romantic.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading my queer headcanons! This has been in my drafts for months, so I'm really glad Pride Month gave me a reason to finish this post!

Happy Pride!

[r0-boat]

One off headcannon concept:

Deity/God of love x ace/aro spectrum!reader

Cw: angst, unrequited love, one-sided love. Enemies to one-sided love, never returned one-sided affection.

(reader is on the Aro/Ace spectrum, And they are still finding themselves)

This God has no name so it can be interpreted in a lot of ways!

Hi I am on the aroace spectrum. This is from my point of view please don't kill me aroace community.

Coming back into the mortal world blends into society All his brothers sisters aunts and uncles have done this already.

So, the rumors are true? Humans do not need us? Some of his kin have blended wonderfully into human society and become highly successful. I mean, it's pretty hard not to. They are gods, after all. But He isn't so willing to submit his godlike title.

He was quite an arrogant fellow. So when he found out his powers didn't exactly work on you, he was not happy... He had heard of mortals with the power to be resistant to his weapons no matter how dangerous, no matter how potent. You are the first he had seen and possibly the first of many... So he studied you... It was not hard, especially when He overheard you trying to find a roommate, and he applied.

You hated him... Anyone would. At least he pays his bills on time, but you cannot stand how he would set you up with dates!

A lot of the dates were bland but not bad. And as time went on the two of you started to get relatively close... Underneath his confident, cocky arrogance that made you scratch up walls, he was pretty chill.

The last straw was when you went out with one of the people he picked, and they treated you horribly. He had a big smile coming to pick you up, only to see you crying on the sidewalk. His heart felt heavy when he saw you, knowing he had helped you prepare for that date. Hell, the two of you even had fun...

The car ride was silent on the way home. Usually, you yelled at or told him how the date was, but this time, you were silently staring at your phone, your eyes red from crying.

That's when he decided to give up on finding you dates. He finally learned that love isn't something you force. And even then, he comes to terms with the truth that some mortals are not capable of experiencing sexual and romantic love. But he decided to stay in the human world only because he liked your company.

All is well from a lot of talking and a lot of apologizing and a lot of silence, Your relationship is slowly repaired. And after that, all was okay. The two of you honestly were attached to the hip partners in crime your group of friends would call you.

But then things started to get weird. He would feel this ache in his heart when guys or girls would come up and talk to you. It felt wrong. He felt protective, possessive, and jealous.

What was not to love about you? Every little thing you did made him smile. But what took his heart You were awkward at first (even more endearing in his opinion) but once you broke out of that shell to him you were like gold. you are funny. And you were a natural people magnet. Everyone liked you. You are sweet and caring, You had strong morals yet, You were not opposed to learning more and changing your opinions. He could go on and on... Even the little things you did that was normal for mortals He was captivated by because the small ways you did it was so interesting. You are not perfect, no human is. But it somehow just made you more attractive.

Once he realized that he was the one who fell in love. It wasn't something out of happiness or confusion but fear and sadness and immediate acceptance. To him he knew 100%, that he fall in love with someone who could never love In the same way in return. He is desperate for the hide feelings because if you find out, he's afraid you might never talk to him again. But at the same time, he wants to support you and do everything for you because he loves you and wants to see you at your best. And he wants to be there for your worst. He generally cares for you, And he won't let his selfish feelings get in the way of that.

So he will continue to stand beside you. It hurts. But that's okay. He's content with this.

[entropy-sea-system]

Because not many people are talking about it, I'm making a post on what constitutes platonormativity!

Platonormativity here refers to the idealisation of friendship and viewing friendship as essential and mandatory.

Im putting this under the cut as this is a long post

[If this personally offends you or you're an exclus or think I am not aware of how friendship is also deprioritised, etc. honestly this post is not really for you lol]

Things that can be platonormative:

-Assuming that everyone has friends, and viewing it as a red flag or a sign of mental illness if someone doesn't have friends, and/or expecting them to be actively looking for friends

-Claiming that one must be 'friends first' before a romantic or sexual or other relationship in order for it to work out

-Treating friendship as inherently more stable and long-lasting than other relationship types

-Using the term friend for people without considering whether they actually are okay with that term or whether they actually want to be your friend, or otherwise considering someone your friend when they are not explicitly okay with that

-Claiming that aros and aces must "at least have friends" or experience platonic love or platonic attraction because of their 'lack'

-Claiming that everyone should have friends

-Profiling people who don't seem to have friends as a "suicide liability"

-Being ableist towards people whose ability to make or keep friends or want friends or otherwise engage in social bonds is diminished by their (physical or mental) disability and/or neurodivergence

-Assuming that everyone is alloplatonic and friending and plato-favorable

-Assuming that no one is monogamous for friendship

-Considering it inherently "unhealthy" or "increasing risk of abuse" if someone has a partner(s) but not friends

-Forcing friendship as something mandatory even when people are toddlers or very young children

-Assuming a couple/other partners are solely "friends" due to them being polyamorous, queer, or other reasons

-Assuming that people who interact in certain ways must be friends

-Treating friendship as something inherently more "wholesome" or as something that can never be used for harm unless it was a pretence

-Blaming a lack of friendship rather than the harmful behaviour itself when it comes to 'pickup artists' and other people who act entitled to sex, romance, or other things

-Calling aplatonics with a connection to romance "amatonormative" for existing

-Treating the dismantling of amatonormativity, relationship anarchy, and aro activism as an excuse to enforce friendship as something that is mandatory

-Claiming that 'aro culture' is basically (insert alloplatonic and/or plato favorable experience)

-Assuming that ALL demiromantic and/or demisexual people must require friendship as the bond after which it is a possibility for them to experience attraction

-Assuming that every alloaro must want a 'friends with benefits' type of relationship

-Assuming that anything thats nonromantic and/or nonsexual has to be platonic(friendship)

-Reinforcing a platonic-romantic binary

-Claiming that friendship cannot involve sex or romance ever

-Assuming that queerplatonic relationships are friendship or always involve friendship

-Looking down on others for not giving priority to friendship or not engaging in friendship

-Media being saturated with friendship and not many media existing without having friendship in it

-Not understanding that people can be repulsed by friendship and/or platonicism

[comicaurora]

(this ask is based on the, I'm not sure if unfounded, assumption that at least 1/6(?) main crew members has some sort of non-ace/aro attraction): How do you write allo characters as an aro person? I'm one of those annoying allos who's *hyper-romantic* and working on hypersexuality for my own health, so I color most of my writing with that and struggle to write ace people. I know a lot of writers can distance themselves more. I guess I'm just curious how you inspire your characters to act socially outside of the way that you interact, specifically in terms of romanti/sexual relationships. I'm pretty good at getting my characters to engage with the world outside of my way of doing it until it comes to romance.

It's… tough, and I'm working on it. I still need to remind myself that a lot of people legitimately do experience sexual attraction and thus find certain other people in certain situations extremely physically appealing, in contrast to my own platonic attraction (the people I like, I typically like the same amount no matter what they're doing or how they look) or aesthetic attraction (when I like how someone looks in a specific situation, it is still in an extremely hands-off "I'd like to draw that" way).

I can work my way through the logic of romance, I think. I've been told that it doesn't feel the same as friendship, and that it places another person in a somewhat uniquely structural role for one's life. I've heard it described as being someone's "everything-team" - the person they want by their side at any endeavor - which is the only thing I've ever heard about romance that I don't think applies to a good percentage of my IRL friendships.

Romantic attraction is definitely the more confusing one, because everyone I know in a romantic relationship insists it's different than their platonic ones, but can't really explain why or how, only that it is. The thing is, this makes me believe them more. I know how hard it is to explain a unique inner experience to someone who has a completely different one. Their partner is their best friend, or at least top three (understandable) and also in a unique position in their life (confusion??) I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, and I think I love my friends as much as I'm capable of, and there are people I'm friends with who I could see as a theoretical partner - except that it would change absolutely nothing about our current relationship. This is why I don't identify with the label of "aromantic" where I definitely do with "asexual", because I think I experience what people are talking about, I just feel it kinda everywhere instead of nowhere.

So the hack I think I can make work to do this in my writing is:

Sexual attraction is like aesthetic attraction, but with a hands-on component. Replace "I want to draw that" with "I want to get my hands on that" and go from there.

Romantic attraction is evidently its own beast, but it contains concepts like "I trust this person implicitly," "I care about them and want them to be happy," "I would be happy coming home to this person," "I want to protect them," "I like that they care about me," and "this person helps me see the world in a different way" which are all individual sentiments I understand, even if I personally feel them about a large number of people rather than a single Special Someone. Point them at a single Someone and have the two characters involved act accordingly, and I can probably pull a romance out of it.

Like all writing-an-alien-situation stuff, it mostly pays to identify the specific details that correlate to things you DO understand and then extrapolate from there. Or you can fake it and black-box their motivations and be like "here's where I'd put their sexual attraction to each other if I had one"

[bucksboobs]

Curious about your hcs for 911 characters sexualities? Like tbh the only character I can see as fully straight.... maybe Athena? Everyone else is at least a lil fruity (love hc of aro/ace!Ravi tbh, so done with 118 hijinks)

So as much as I joke about Buck 1.0 wanting to seduce Bobby, I do actually see him (and Athena) as one hundo percent straight. Basically the only straight people in LA.

Chimney and Maddie have such strong bi4bi energy that I can’t help but read them as both being a little bit bisexual and Chimney having had some hookups with guys pre-Tatiana. Maddie’s never explored her attraction to women much in practice, since she went from Doug to Howie pretty quick but being with Howie helped her better understand it, which is why she teases Buck so much about his boy crushes and also why her best friend is Josh (gays flock together)

Lucy is so bisexual, Lena Bosko is so a lesbian, and Ravi I actually see as bi and being Not Interested in getting involved with the 118’s nonsense is a separate thing. Until he hooked up with Victoria I actually though Albert was gay but bi is fine for my Hanikkar Agenda

I’m not going to contradict any canon LGBT sexualities so we’ll skip over Hen, Karen, Buck, Josh, Tommy, etc.

Now for the controversial part:

Eddie I, personally, hc as gay and deeply, deeply, very deeply in denial about it. I think he dated Shannon because that was what was expected of him (I had a similar experience of being Expected to eventually marry my childhood girl best friend, so like I am aware I’m projecting a little.) and while he has romanticized that relationship to Hell, Heaven, Purgatory, and back, he wasn’t really attracted to her physically. In fact I don’t think he really understands what physical attraction is because he’s so heavily compartmentalized his attraction to men that he’s unaware of it even when it does happen. He hangs out with Tommy ringside and does Muay Thai with him shirtless and never questions the way his heart speeds up or his palms sweat because to him it’s just the excitement of making a new friend. In fact I have a lot of headcanons about how he views sex as his Husbandly Duty, as a chore that he has to do to maintain relationships, and that once he finally breaks through the layers and layers of repression, learning to love sex (with men) and be excited about it will be a magical and healing experience for him. Obviously that’s a very specific interpretation of the character but it’s my personal opinion.

[oatflatwhite]

Absolutely feel free to not answer but I was wondering how you grew more comfortable being aro/ace? I’m 22 and ace (maybe aro too idk) and I recently ended an on again off again relationship and I am questioning if I ever felt anything towards him in the first place. Im kinda scared bc I love romance but idk if I’ll ever experience it? I wish I was as secure as you seem to be. Thank u in advance 🙂

hey anon :) thank you for reaching out! it's a really hard feeling to come to grips with so i hope i can help in at least a small way.

id'ing as aroace has been quite the journey for me. i've known i was ace for the longest time, but there was a period of several years where i denied even that (thanks 2016 tumblr discourse). eventually i realised that certain feelings would just never happen to me and that was ok - because i could still have romance, right? well!

i think it was around 2021 i kind of thought hold on. i've lived 23 years on this goddamn earth and don't think i've ever had a real romantic feeling/urge for someone who wasn't a fictional character/someone i didn't "force" myself to like because everyone in high school has crushes, right? so i thought about it and just went oh. oh! and it almost felt as though a weight came off my shoulders. like, yes, i was fucking bummed to realise i would probably never fall in storybook love. but there was this sense of a burden i could unshoulder because suddenly i wasn't beholden to the need to find that love, you know? i could just. be me. and even though it might make me sad sometimes, it's enough.

since then i've been up and down about it, absolutely. i even had a brief period last year where i convinced myself i actually did like this guy in real life! through a comedy of errors i realised that romance in my head was fine but any kind of real life interaction in that vein made me sick to my stomach fr lol. (for real! he had to drive me home in my own goddamn car bc i felt so ill.) i still get upset about it sometimes too. i mean, all i write is romance. i read and watch a lot of romance too. romance is every fucking where and it is so ingrained to be a part of everyone's lives that to try and distance yourself from it in order to feel more comfortable not feeling it is. virtually impossible.

where i am right now, 26 years old, 10 years into my ace journey and about 3 into my aro one, is here: i like my life. i love my friends. i can't force myself into a feeling that i will never have. and maybe at times i will be lonely and sad about it, but building a community has helped so much. whether that's with other aro/ace people, or just your friends or family or anyone else you trust with this. because romantic love =/= personal fulfilment, happiness, success. we've just been told it does. it just takes work to make yourself believe otherwise.

and it's ok to be sad about it. but even if you feel lonely, you're not alone.

also, because i'm nothing if not a girl who loves a bibliography, i would recommend checking out these sources:

loveless by alice oseman

ace: what asexuality reveals about desire, society and the meaning of sex by angela chen

this essay by k.a. cook

and pinging a couple blogs with some good aro resources, though i'm sure there's more out there! @aroworlds @arowitharrows

[growinguparo]

Hi! I just wanted to jump in and say thank you, because your blog has actually helped me a lot recently. I read your post from a while back (like a WHILE, 4ish years ago) about the aro/ace future and what that looks like as we get older. I’ve been coming to terms on and off in the past few years about how averse I am to relationships and dating, and with the fact that really don’t care if I’m single for the rest of my life. But you very nearly articulated the main concern: what happens when everyone else is wrapped up in their marriages and their families I am truly alone? I’m still not sure that the aromantic identity is accurate for me, but it feels pretty close and so thank you, again, for opening this world up to me and putting words to my feelings. :)

Aww thank you for telling me!! 💚

I still feel the way I did when I wrote that post, although it occupies less of my brainspace than it used to. However, I will take this opportunity to talk about the big thing in my social life that changed since 2020: I dove hard into my local community. Any local community will do I think, but the main one for me was my local trans community. I was also in a community music ensemble, I spent a couple years in a survivor support group, and I went to local queer events. I valued those communities highly enough that they were the main reason I was upset to be moving to a new city.

Community made a huge difference for me. I wasn’t really friends with any of them exactly (like I rarely hung out with any of them outside of whatever thing we had together), and community definitely doesn’t occupy the same niche of social requirements as friends or a partner. But it HELPS. It helps with social support, feeling connected to other people, having regular social interaction, and (crucially imo) meeting people who are older than you in a peer environment instead of one where they are of higher status than you.

I know so many trans people in their 30s, 40s, 50s, even 70s, from my local trans community - variously single, married, divorced, multiply divorced, dating, polyamorous, nonamorous, etc. It really broadened my view of what people older than me are actually doing in real life, not just what the twenty-somethings around me anticipate they will be doing when they are that age. People who are like me too, queer transgender people who will never fit the conventional narrative. It enriched my life in a way I wasn’t expecting.

I still don’t know what an aroace future looks like and it’s still scary but at least now I know that mine will include local communities and that I can get a fair amount of the social fulfillment I’m seeking from them.

[our-aroace-experience]

So this may be a bit long, I don't really have anyone who understands what I'm trying to say.

I've gone through many labels in my life trying to find what fits how I feel despite being confused on what I was actually feeling. Bi, Lesbian and Aroace were all labels I identified with at some point. I've always struggled with identifying my feelings. As I had no idea about the terms aromatic or asexual until two years ago. I realize that I don't need a label, but I feel better knowing I'm not alone I suppose.

I've already discovered I'm ace and I'm happy with it. But my romantic attraction has troubled me a lot. I hadn't really ever had a crush or one that was actually romantic in nature and not aesthetic attraction. That is until this past year. I developed a crush on a friend of mine or what I assumed was a crush because I got flustered around them and cared for their opinion of me a great deal and still do. My best friend asked what I was going to do about it and I had no idea. I've never been active about romance and kind of just said if it happens it happens. But when people asked if I wanted a relationship with them, I froze. Because - no- I didn't or at least not in the normal sense of a relationship. I wasn't and am still not sure what this meant in my brain, but the thought of a relationship made me, scared? uncomfortable? I ended up telling them I liked them and even though they didn't feel the same, we remain good friends.

At this point I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on the aro spectrum but my tendency to overthink has me unsure. I still feel like I want someone to be close to and I know I can have that while being aro. I just feel so confused in if I am actually feeling romantic attraction or if it's some other form of attraction.

sorry this turned into a rant. As I said above, despite my friends and , family trying, they can't grasp what I'm saying. I'm not really sure how to end this so I'll just say I hope everyone has a good day/night :)

romantic attraction can be super confusing, and if you want to be unlabelled, that’s totally fine as well! i wish you luck in figuring it out!

[proteovaldez]

Im gonna talk Jason, Reyna and Octavian. Reminder I haven’t read these books in like five or more years. Are these headcannons? Let’s call it that.

Wolf boy Jason should be talked about more. Also I like Octavian as a character cause he’s a little freak. And Reyna is my personal Ace/Aro representation. My sister and I have made little phrases to help others understand how we’ve characterized them. Octavian is “Dog eat Dog.” Reyna is “Dog and Dog.” Jason is “Doggie Dog.”

Now to explain how I think pre Hera/Juno Camp Jupiter was like. So in my mind time works differently at the wolf house. Reasoning, no way a two year old in just a year is Roman ready. So Jason spends a lot of time there. He’s a baby, so obviously he picks up on the wolf stuff and as a result he’s more animalistic. The only explanation why he was able to succeed at being a soldier at age three for fifteen years is because he is not the usual soldier. He’s a wolf first and a Roman soldier second. No matter how much training you have, it’s kind of hard to beat someone who is not afraid to bite and theoretically tear out your throat. I like to think he had longish hair. I mean I fully believe he refused shoes and his cohorts would brush his hair or give him head scratches. He has definitely bit an adult.

Now Reyna is just trying to do her job. I mean you’re telling me that Jason wouldn’t immediately investigate the new girl. He does and she’s cool. When did she get the metal dogs? Doesn’t matter she’s clearly good with dogs. Also both of them are great fighters and intelligent. I’m confident they bonded even before he became praetor. I fully believe they are in love. I mean like queer platonic love. Like the most they’ve done is holding pinkies when slightly stressed or doing each other’s hair. She cringes when he tried to hug her once. So when they both are praetors it’s her just silently begging for him to wear shoes at meetings.

Now Octavian, our favorite little freak of a teen. Octavian is a legacy, I’m assuming his parents live in New Rome. I like your think Jason went to a school and had classes with Octavian. Octavian has always been weird. Also he can read. I don’t remember if legacies are also dyslexic, but you’re telling me Octavian wouldn’t know how to read with no struggle. He would and he’d lord it over everyone. I just know he’s always been a little ambitious and power hungry. I mean what child with prophetic tendencies wouldn’t crave power? He definitely notices Jason is powerful and useful. He knows it’s better to be on the possible feral child’s side. Also he’s incredibly patriotic like most Roman’s are historically at least. He knows Jason is good for Rome and I bet he’s one of the many who thought Jason fumbled choosing the fifth cohort. Like he’s known of Jason forever and knows that Jason is all for the Roman cause he’s a child soldier. He can rely on Jason to be on the side of Rome. Now Reyna he definitely was wary until he actually met her. He’s a smart kid, so obviously he likes Reyna. He respects her greatly until she becomes Praetor. After that he has two separate Reyna’s in his mind. There’s smart, intelligent Reyna, and then there’s Praetor Reyna. The second one is an implied sneer. Cause I bet she’s had to alter her original ideas and plans to appeal to the council. Octavian has heard Reyna’s original plans and thinks they’re genius, but Praetor Reyna is a sellout.

The three of them are literally the most recognized campers at Camp Jupiter. It’s kind of hard to not at least respect your coworkers when they’re useful and technically are working towards the same goal. Like Reyna wasn’t there long so she probably was just pleased she had people to talk to. Maybe not friends exactly but acquaintances. And Jason likes people. Then Octavian likes useful people. Also they’re teenagers. I just know the three of them hung out and have stupid jokes, but only do so in private as they’re kind of serious people.

[warrenwaskilledbyadeer]

Okayyy get ready because the time has come and we are doing this (disclaimer: these are just my personal views and I'm not trying to convince anybody to agree with me, this is just me listing which characters I think are aroacespec and why)

Amnesia aroacespec headcanons in order of least to most controversial

#4 - Henri Clement

Henri being aromantic just makes sense to me. Romance doesn't ever come up in his story, it's all about him and his best friend! An incident with a barmaid is mentioned, though unspecified, so I just don't really know what that's about??? But also the Bunker was released just around the same time as the first-ever international aromantic day of visibility, sooo... Also I don't know if he's also ace, but personally I think he probably is, he's at least the one on this list who in my opinion is the closest to being fully aroace (like me :D)

#3 - Justine Florbelle

Now I know we've already jumped to a ridiculously controversial character here, so you know the last two are really gonna be a doozy haha, but ANYway, Justine obviously loves having people be attracted to her, but she herself never experiences any attraction to any of her Suitors. She just loves to feel loved and feel "beautiful," but she doesn't love any of them in return. I don't know about her being ace honestly, I considered sex positive ace for her but maybe she does feel the sexual attraction but not the romantic? Definitely romance favorable aro, but I'm interested in other people's opinions on the sexual attraction part of it. But last but not least, let's address the elephant in the room- Clarice. I personally believe that Justine and Clarice are in an alterous relationship. It's not necessarily romantic but it's not necessarily platonic, it just is what it is between them and what's important to them is that they love each other, not exactly what kind of love that is. That's my take

#2 - Alexander von Brennenburg

Ohhh yeah here's where I'm really gonna lose people, but I'm gonna be totally honest... I don't understand why everyone in the fandom sees Alexander as a slut??? I don't see that in him in the game at all, he's CLEARLY wholly devoted to his love (who I personally believe to be Temaku based on a note in Rebirth). Everything Alexander does, spending hundreds of years just to open this portal, is all just to be with his love again. So why would he be sleeping around and falling in love with Agrippa, Weyer, Daniel, or ANYone? I don't get the fandom interpretation of Alexander being a whore or polyamorous, I think in the game he's monogamous to a disturbing and unhealthy degree and it's part of what makes his character... who he is. So in my eyes, Alexander is demigay (I do understand the take that Alexander seduced Daniel to manipulate him without actually being in love with Daniel, but not Alexander falling in love with him for real)

Last but not least...

#1 - Daniel

Cue the screaming

Look. LOOK. Okay. Every single protagonist, even the two others I've mentioned here, have mention of sex and/or romance in their personal stories. Justine, obviously, Oswald, ALL THE TIME, Tasi, had a husband and children, Henri, incident with the barmaid, but Daniel.... nothing. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Nada. It never comes up, and to me that's because he's not ever.. thinking about it. It's not something that's on his mind because it's not something that he feels or desires. He just really likes archeology and history and his sister and that's all :)

That being said...

I do think Daniel is not 100% aroace. I see him more in the gray or demi area, but it's very very very rare for him. Case in point, I do think he had a bit of a crush on Alexander, but I think that was his first crush so he didn't recognize what those feelings were or why he was feeling them. I think Alexander could tell that Daniel had a crush on him though, and thought it was cute and funny but also used it to his advantage (though not by outright seducing him since Daniel didn't know he had a crush). So Daniel in my head is also demigay, or graygay, but most of the time is pretty much aroace

Plus honorable mention - Tihana!! I think it fits with what little we hear about her backstory

Those are my thoughts and feelings I've been sitting on for a year because I'm tired of people bashing aroace headcanons, but that's been happening less and less the last couple years and I've been going through a lot so I think I deserve to indulge myself a little

Also just a reminder that I'm not claiming these to be canon or trying to convince anybody to see things my way! This is just what I think and why :))

[arromantica-lucha]

i got a lot of thoughts about loveless by alice oseman and if this post seems very one sided well thats just how it read to me. my opinion isnt the end-all and i value how everyone interpreted and was affected by this book. this isnt a closed topic lets talk about it

gripes with loveless by alice oseman

took a while to actually explain that ace and aro are two separate identities and still not that well. it makes aro seem like a subset of ace which is entirely false. its cool there was an aroallo character involved but still

the book title 'loveless' is a real term and identity and the entirety of the book kinda shits on it by enforcing the ideal that its still okay to be aspec cause platonic love can be experienced and any type of love is required or at least better than "not feeling anything and being alone forever"

it was weird for her friends to forgive her over gestures that had nothing to do with apologizing before georgia actually apologized and explained but that may just be more of a personal thing that i didnt like. likewise the story being about platonic love it kinda sucks her deepest connection is with her roommate and not the people shes known for years and wronged

kinda sex negative. i mean rooney says she doesnt dislike casual sex but then that whole thing becomes the reason she hates herself and a reason to cope with being "unloveable" and its kinda lame. you can tell that story without making it seem like casual sex is just a means of devaluing yourself. and you can be sex repulsed and still not do that. it just feels unfair to aroallo people especially who are told they are monsters for enjoying and only wanting casual sex when this book is supposed to be about aromanticism too

(can we also be done with harry potter references??? lets stop hurting trans and jewish people thanks)

basically particular identities' stories shouldnt come at the expense of others and other ways of life. its great and important to write different experiences because no one is gonna relate to them all but no one has to replace romantic love with ANY type of love to feel good about themselves and be human. loveless and aplatonic people shouldnt have to read something that uses rhetoric against their identities within a book about aspec people

things i like about loveless

i didnt relate to it personally but the experiences felt very genuine. internalized aphobia, being hounded by aphobic comments, finding it hard to portray love even in a fictional or artistic sense, etc.

I appreciate the references to race and intersectionality that come with being queer even if they were minimal. so few times is it actually acknowledged that there is privilege when it comes to being understood, coming out, being accepted, etc. the references to that were nice to see because too often intersectionality being brought up is brushed off and blatantly ignored or people pretend like they understand

it was written by someone who is aroace even if there are some things that can be less isolating within the aspec community with the language being used. someone being open about their identities and how they choose to define them in the mainstream world is how we get more peoples voices in there

it has helped people discover their own identity though id still recommend further research on the actual identities being named and ones not named. these stories are the first introduction of aspec identities in mainstream and that hopefully means itll start to expand to other identities within that community that have not yet had representation

this should be the start of developing more rep. the first takes are not gonna represent everyone and its a good thing it exists to tell a few peoples story. but that doesnt mean it should be free from any criticism because thats how we make them continuously better. i hope to see an aroallo character soon. i want the term loveless to be properly used in media and expressed for what it is. i want to stop pretending like ace is the umbrella term for all aspec identities. i want amatonormativity explained as the sociological term it is that harms all life not just aromantic and polyamorous people. i want a polyam aspec character and polyam characters in general. i want disabled and ethnic aspec characters where the intersectionality is just as important to the narrative. i want a whole lot more and to stop prentending like any of that should be unreasonable

[silentknives]

character headcanon generator — 10 headcanons, true or false.

Emily is a theatre kid. — TRUE and FALSE ? She isn't a theatre kid per se, not much into acting herself, but she does take delight in watching a show. It's not so much of a guilty pleasure either, this is just how she takes time for herself and unwind.

If Emily likes someone, they will give them a pretty rock. — TRUE A pretty rock, a wildflower or two, even a pouch of herbs. She's an outdoorsy gal, and rather awkward in her affections, but she'll gift someone she likes with a trinket from mother nature that reminds her of them.

Emily's least favourite subject in school was Social Studies. — FALSE Her whole thing is learning about humanity and how society works! She's very inquisitive and questions everything. Social Studies would be her favorite, if not #1, subject.

Emily always has a sword on them. — TRUE-ish? Swords are not her style, but knives? She's got at least two strapped on her.

Emily is very good at walking in platform heels. — FALSE NO. She detests heels or anything remotely constricting to her mobility. She can adapt, yes, but she'd rather do anything else than walk in heels.

If someone they knew committed a crime, Emily would cover for them. — TRUE-ish? It definitely depends on the closeness of their relationship, but because Emily only has a handful of people she knows, she'll likely cover for them. She doesn't have many friends, but she's pretty ride-or-die for the ones she does have.

Emily likes being alone. — TRUE HAHAHA, yes. She's notoriously an introvert through and through.

Emily hacks their stats in every video game they play. — FALSE She doesn't even need hacks to be good at playing video games. She's a chronic pattern seeker. That's a skill issue otherwise.

If the source media was a musical, Emily would be the one character that asks why everyone is singing. — TRUE While she is (somewhat) a theatre kid, there is such thing as too much singing in a musical. To her! She's aware how ironic that is, and that a musical is exactly what it entails: full of songs. Her only gripe is that musicals take too long to get the point.

Emily is aro ace. — TRUE-ish? She's on the ace spectrum. She's biromantic + demisexual; she's got to have a solid friendship/relationship with someone before she could even think of doing sinful things to them. If the conditions are right, she wouldn't shy away from sex.

———————————— tagged by: @calcitration <3 tagging: @backedagainstthewall, @rogaire, @sharp-teeth-and-wide-grins (muse of your choosing!), @invarietas (ardyn!), aaaaand anyone else who wants to participate can't think of anyone else to tag lmao