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symflash · 5 years

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Ultimate Spider-Man Symflash headcanons

Because I can’t write, I can’t draw, and I can’t pay other people to do it for me.

* The symbiote that's with Flash is a fragment of the larger chunk of symbiote that went down with the Helicarrier in season 1, episode 26, and not the brand new symbiote created in season 3, episode 2. Consequently, they remember Harry, but not the time the Goblin injected Peter with Venom (different fragment).

* Also, in this continuity, "Venom" is actually the name the symbiote picked for themself.

* Venom was a blank slate at their birth, like an infant, with zero concept of morals or social mores. They might've been able to suss it out by osmosis from their hosts' brains, if their most long-term host hadn't been Harry "I hate my dad and I wish he was dead" Osborn.

* Flash's and Venom's first dance as Agent Venom went something like this: Venom: “Okay, I think I've cracked the code. Every time I assert my personhood separate from my host, I get electrocuted to smithereens. So maybe if I... pretend to be an inanimate object, act super low-key, this new host won't notice, and I can delay my next near-death experience.” Flash: "This is awesome! You're awesome! What's your name? I'm Flash! Do you wanna be friends? Do you like football? Do you know what football is?" Venom: *tears streaming down their metaphorical face* "wHAt tHe fUcK Is goINg oN"

* That was not the moment Venom decided to bind themselves permanently to Flash, though. That happened after Beetle tried to hit them with a sonic blast. Venom was in pain, and Flash was telling them not to be scared, because Spider-Man would help them, they could trust Spidey. That was Venom's first exposure to the concept of trust. And after they saw that trust paid off, they decided to trust Flash. And their trust paid off. Flash: "Did you hear that, buddy? You won't have to leave after all! Isn't this great?" Venom:

* Flash's training period at SHIELD was mostly dedicated to teaching human morality to Venom and training himself to not refer to himself as "we" (it gives the people with the sonic guns twitchy trigger fingers).

* Sure, I could NOT shoehorn in Flash's comic book backstory. But I'm a slut for cheap angst, so I'm gonna. ** Flash didn't so much live at the gas station as he squatted there after running away from home. ** The smell of alcohol is a trigger for him. He drops off the radar on his 21st birthday because he's terrified his friends will try to take him to a bar.

* Flash and Venom converse telepathically more often than they let on. They like to do Mystery Science Theatre 3000 running commentaries during boring meetings. They also do a psychic duet of Bohemian Rhapsody whenever a known mind reader walks into the room. Just in case.

* Venom thinks the fact that Flash was The Very First Host They Ever Took is the most romantic thing ever. ("It was destiny!") Flash is just embarrassed that their first meeting was so inauspicious. ("You came out of a toilet and I tried to feed Pete to you.")

* Venom can do a bang-up impersonation of Harry, and you can bet they use it to make fun of him at any opportunity. ** "Hurr burr, I have a limousine, a penthouse home and billions of dollars, and when my favorite Spider-Person doesn't reciprocate my gay crush *choking up* I don't cry about it."

* There was a brief period after "Anti-Venom" where Venom was too weak to speak to Flash, and Flash wasn't sure if they were dead or alive. ** Of course he cried; slut for cheap angst, remember?

* Flash has undiagnosed dyslexia. He didn't figure it out until Venom asked him why letters wiggle for him but not for Harry.

* Venom likes dandelions, especially ones growing out of cracks in the sidewalk. ** "They're considered weeds and eradicated on sight, and yet they're strong enough to break through rock, and hardy enough to survive in environments that would be inhospitable to all other plants. It's just... poeticcinema.jpg." *** "Buddy, you can beam a crisp and clear mental impression of any picture directly into my brain. There's literally no reason for you to say 'dot jay peg' out loud, ever."

* Peter & Co. keep making references to stuff Venom did that Venom has no memory of (because there's an entire branch of symbiotes that diverged from them, so they literally weren't around for those events). Flash decides to investigate and pulls up all SHIELD case reports about Venom. That's the first time he finds out how many symbiotes SHIELD has killed or attempted to kill. Venom can only shrug their metaphorical shoulders. People have been trying to murder them nearly from the moment of their birth. They didn't have a point of reference, so they'd just sort of assumed it was a normal part of life. They don't really understand why Flash is crying. And that makes Flash cry harder. ** And that's the story of how Flash got over his crush on Peter. *** Venom doesn't see much point in holding grudges. After all, if they ever express anger or try to retaliate over their treatment, they'll be stuffed in a jar at best and incinerated alive at worst. Luckily, Flash is a finely-tuned rage producing machine; he can be angry on both of their behalf.

* Flash encourages Venom to have their own hobbies separate from him. To facilitate this, Venom has permission to drive around Flash's body while he sleeps, provided they don't stray away from SHIELD headquarters and wake Flash up if there's an emergency. ** Venom likes looking up video tutorials for random things. And because they share a brain with Flash, he ends up learning things by proxy. (The morning he woke up fluent in American Sign Language was a trippy one). *** They're also into videogame speedruns, of all things.

* Scarlet Spider would very much like to forget the time he got up for a midnight snack and found Flash, with solid black eyes, hunching on top of a vending machine like a goblin, attempting to insert three chocolate bars into his mouth at once.

* Venom is the only one allowed to call Flash "Eugene". They're very territorial of their monopoly.

* Venom has a dim, dim view of father figures. Their genetic progenitor tried to murder them multiple times, and their only second-hand experiences of fathers are, well, Norman Osborn and Harrison Thompson.

* What's the point of having a foot long tongue if you don't use it to lick the bottom of your ice cream carton?

* Venom and Flash have such divergent music tastes, they need to have two separate playlists. (Flash likes punk rock and hair metal, Venom's into eurodance and chiptunes.)

* Incomplete list of animals Flash unironically thinks are cute: tarantulas ("Fuzzy!"), snakes ("Their tongues go blelele!"), amblypygids ("They cuddle their babies!"), velvet worms ("Their feet are so stubby!")

* Flash is actually pretty insecure about being Venom's host. He feels the only reason they stick with him is because he was the first person to be nice to them, and they could do better. ** Flash: "I mean, you give me superpowers, the means to get away from my old life, the opportunity to be somebody... but what do I give you in return? Maybe Doc Ock was right... maybe I AM a parasite." Venom:

* Actually, Flash is insecure about a lot of things. He's afraid Peter secretly resents him for the years of bullying, he fears that he's just fooled everyone into thinking that he's a good person and really he's just as much of a monster as his father, he's scared he's too stupid to make anything of himself and he'll become a deadbeat... it's a bunch of separate but interlocking self-esteem issues. ** Venom helps, though. It's useful to have an outside perspective to your own brain.

* Flash initially calls Venom an "it", because they're genderless and he doesn't have a lot of insight into gender politics and pronouns. He later learns about they/them pronouns, and asks if he can use it for Venom. Venom, who's used to being called "it" and knows even less about personal pronouns, is confused. They have a long discussion about dehumanizing language that ends with Venom shrugging their metaphorical shoulders and going "Sure, if it makes you feel better".

* Being a couple kind of sneaks up on them. In their defense, both of them have little to no experience in giving or receiving affection; they have trouble distinguishing different kinds of love (hence why Flash thought his giant gay crush on Peter was just wanting to be his best buddy).

* Cons of wearing actual clothes instead of a shapeshifted symbiote: Doing laundry. Pros of wearing actual clothes: Nobody can tell you're giving your boyfriend a fullbody cuddle under his shirt in public.

* They're both super affectionate and flirty. They both get super flustered and embarrassed when receiving affection and being flirted at. Together, they are a disaster.

#symflash #flash thompson #venom symbiote #agent venom #ultimate spiderman #man of action studios: *give flash a shallow two-dimensional characterization and the symbiote zero characterization*#me: my city now

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bloojayoolie · 6 years

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Being Alone, Andrew Bogut, and Beautiful: Id 53657, 10 Yrs.., 51 lbs, of Gentleman, Waits for you at the Brooklyn ACC Cesar "Great ears are the mark of a witty courteous affable generous and liberal man." INTAKE DATE – 1/29/2019 He’s a true Gentleman. CESAR is the king of our hearts. So gentle, affectionate, and sweet, he spends all his time trying to seek comfort from every human he meets. He’s 10 years young, in wonderful shape, and with the cutest darn ear set we have ever seen. We can’t think of a more loving companion. CESAR sits alone in his kennel, amongst younger dogs, hoping with all his heart a family will see what a beautiful soul he is, and how many gifts he has to share. Give him a loving retirement home – please? We adore him, so will you. Hurry and MESSAGE our page or email us at [email protected] for assistance saving his life. MY VIDEO: Cesar <3 https://youtu.be/eZAMeE6xMHo CESAR, ID # 53657, @ 10 Yrs. Old, 51 lbs. Brooklyn ACC, Medium Mixed Breed, Brown / White, Unaltered Male Owner Surrender Reason: Shelter Assessment Rating: Medical Behavior Rating: 1. Green OWNER SURRENDER NOTES - BASIC INFORMATION: Cesar's owner describes him as being very affectionate and friendly. Cesar is approximately 10 years old. Cesar has been fed Beneful dry food and enjoys flavored bones. Cesar is friendly with cats and is good with most dogs. He previously lived with 3 adults. Around strangers, Cesar is friendly but tentative. He is out going towards friend and family who visits the household. Cesar hasn't been around children owner stated. He goes to dog parks and is friendly but doesn't interact with them much. The owner isn't aware about behavior towards cats. Cesar doesn't resource guard but isn't sure because they never tried to touch his food, toys or treats. Cesar has no bite history. He is housetrained. Cesar is moderately active. He has never had any medical issues. Other Notes: Cesar likes taking baths and being brushed. He will bark if unfamiliar people knock on the door. He barks when he hears fireworks but is not destructive. For a New Family to Know: Cesar is trained to use the bathroom once a day on walks and doesn't pull on a leash. He likes to play with balls. He eats dry food called Beneful twice a day.He was never crate trained and likes to be in his room. SHELTER ASSESSMENT - DATE OF ASSESSMENT: 30-Jan-2019 SUMMARIES: LEASH WALKING Strength and pulling: Mild pulling Reactivity to humans: None Reactivity to dogs: None Leash walking comments: SOCIABILITY Loose in room (15-20 seconds): Stays near handlers, highly social Call over: Approaches readily Sociability comments: HANDLING Soft handling: Seeks contact, loose bodied Exuberant handling: Seeks contact, loose bodied Handling comments: AROUSAL Jog: Follows, soft Arousal comments: KNOCK Knock Comments: No response TOY Toy comments: Minimal interest PLAYGROUP NOTES - DOG TO DOG SUMMARIES: According to Cesar's previous owner, he has had limited interaction with other dogs and did not show any concerning behaviors. 1/29: When off leash at the Care Center, Cesar was introduced to a novel female dog. Cesar approaches the gate for a gate greet and freezes. He then growls and hard barks at the female. INTAKE BEHAVIOR - Date of initial: 29-Jan-2019 Summary: Seeks attention, allowed handling ENERGY LEVEL: Cesar displays a medium energy level in the care center which matches what is reported in his previous home environment. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION: Level 1 Behavior Asilomar H - Healthy MEDICAL EXAM NOTES DVM Intake Exam. Estimated age: 10 years., Microchip noted on Intake? N. Microchip Number (If Applicable): n/a. History : owner surrender. Subjective: blood spatter in cage, no evidence of "happy tail.” Observed Behavior -seeks petting. Evidence of Cruelty seen -n. Evidence of Trauma seen -n. Objective: T = , P =60, R =wnl, BCS 5/9. EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted. Oral Exam: advanced dental disease. PLN: No enlargements noted. H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic. ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated. U/G:2 testes. MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat. CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities. Assessment: dental disease. Prognosis: good. Plan: dental and neuter in future. SURGERY: Permanent waiver due to age *** TO FOSTER OR ADOPT *** If you would like to adopt a NYC ACC dog, and can get to the shelter in person to complete the adoption process, you can contact the shelter directly. We have provided the Brooklyn, Staten Island and Manhattan information below. Adoption hours at these facilities is Noon – 8:00 p.m. (6:30 on weekends) If you CANNOT get to the shelter in person and you want to FOSTER OR ADOPT a NYC ACC Dog, you can PRIVATE MESSAGE our Must Love Dogs page for assistance. PLEASE NOTE: You MUST live in NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Northern VA. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a NYC ACC dog. Transport is available if you live within the prescribed range of states. Shelter contact information: Phone number (212) 788-4000 Email [email protected] Shelter Addresses: Brooklyn Shelter: 2336 Linden Boulevard Brooklyn, NY 11208 Manhattan Shelter: 326 East 110 St. New York, NY 10029 Staten Island Shelter: 3139 Veterans Road West Staten Island, NY 10309 *** NEW NYC ACC RATING SYSTEM *** Level 1 Dogs with Level 1 determinations are suitable for the majority of homes. These dogs are not displaying concerning behaviors in shelter, and the owner surrender profile (where available) is positive. Some dogs with Level 1 determinations may still have potential challenges, but these are challenges that the behavior team believe can be handled by the majority of adopters. The potential challenges could include no young children, prefers to be the only dog, no dog parks, no cats, kennel presence, basic manners, low level fear and mild anxiety. Level 2 Dogs with Level 2 determinations will be suitable for adopters with some previous dog experience. They will have displayed behavior in the shelter (or have owner reported behavior) that requires some training, or is simply not suitable for an adopter with minimal experience. Dogs with a Level 2 determination may have multiple potential challenges and these may be presenting at differing levels of intensity, so careful consideration of the behavior notes will be required for counselling. Potential challenges at Level 2 include no young children, single pet home, resource guarding, on-leash reactivity, mouthiness, fear with potential for escalation, impulse control/arousal, anxiety and separation anxiety. Level 3 Dogs with Level 3 determinations will need to go to homes with experienced adopters, and the ACC strongly suggest that the adopter have prior experience with the challenges described and/or an understanding of the challenge and how to manage it safely in a home environment. In many cases, a trainer will be needed to manage and work on the behaviors safely in a home environment. It is likely that every dog with a Level 3 determination will have a behavior modification or training plan available to them from the behavior department that will go home with the adopters and be made available to the New Hope Partners for their fosters and adopters. Some of the challenges seen at Level 3 are also seen at Level 1 and Level 2, but when seen alongside a Level 3 determination can be assumed to be more severe. The potential challenges for Level 3 determinations include adult only home (no children under the age of 13), single pet home, resource guarding, on-leash reactivity with potential for redirection, mouthiness with pressure, potential escalation to threatening behavior, impulse control, arousal, anxiety, separation anxiety, bite history (human), bite history (dog) and bite history (other). New Hope Rescue Only Dog is not publicly adoptable. Prospective fosters or adopters need to fill out applications with New Hope Partner Rescues to save this dog.

#funny #lol #humor #memes #meme #memehumor #dank memes #funny pics #rolf #lmao #Being Alone #Andrew B

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text-to-speech-impediment · 6 years

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THE VAULT IN OUR STARS

An Opinion Piece on How Bethesda Survives (And How You Can Change Them!)

A/N: I wrote this op-ed for funsies. As you may know, I am known to warm myself at a corporate dumpster fire from time to time, but this one is especially close to my heart. I may replace with an actual edited version but for now, just enjoy it in its raw & unpolished glory. If you’re a Bethesda fan, you’re used to it anyway.

In the words of Todd Howard, “I read on the internet…that sometimes it doesn’t just work.”

Indeed, after just over two weeks since its 14 November release date, Bethesda Softworks’ release of survival multiplayer sandbox “Fallout 76” has more than merely failed to impress most of its players. The game has garnered an infamously low average score of only 54% on popular game journalism site, Metacritic. It fares no better on Youtube, with dozens of popular influencers obliterating the high expectations of even the most devoted fans of the Fallout franchise; but this will not be another essay to dishonor the multiple technical, immersion and storytelling woes that plague beleaguered “Fallout 76”. That’s for another essay.

This criticism is one that many previous public complaints have touched on, flirted with, but seldom fully explored while caught up in the disappointment they had in “Fallout 76.” Specifically, this essay is leveled broadly at Bethesda Softworks LLC, the video game publishing division responsible for “Fallout 76”, as well as ZeniMax Media Inc., the parent organization of Bethesda and many other well-known game developers such as Arkane Studios, id Software and more. The upper management of these companies is removed from all but the finances of their industry; they are abusing both their content creators and consumers to calculated effect, remaining foggy at best on the aim of the products their teams are producing and out of touch with the end user’s interest.

What more can we say against corporations of this staggering size? Corporations and mergers, time and again, continue to exploit art production and consumption then shrug off the backlash by driving screws into their overworked employees and letting them take the fall with the public. Unless we look at past events, this trend of blame shifting isn’t obvious. It’s hard at the moment to see that Bethesda Softworks’ colossal failure to recreate their previous endearing successes with fans in “Fallout 76” didn’t happen overnight.

It is for this reason that I sit on my soapbox today, somehow about to make an analogy of the gaming marketing industry by using Hazel and Gus from good ol’ John Green’s “The Fault in Our Stars.” Never did I imagine I’d see those concepts together, but here I am smashing them together like this is fanfiction(dot)net. Don’t get too excited, though, because none of the wholesome aspects of Hazel and Gus make it into this analogy; no, this essay is all about the essence of what happens when you take a beautiful thing and strip it to the bare bones. Being a gamer in today’s culture of parasitic marketing is roughly akin to being desperately in love with a dying cancer patient. With their pants down and tumors exposed, Bethesda is giving us a rare glimpse into exactly what has made them cancerous: a lack of Vision (not to be confused with Activision.)

You see, Bethesda doesn’t have a vision. If you asked Todd Howard today what Bethesda’s vision was, his response would essentially amount to “get bigger, bigger than we’ve ever seen before,” and you would never be quite sure if he meant to say it would be the games, the bugs, or the pocketbooks that would be getting “bigger.” Bethesda has no vision because they are blinded by what I like to refer to as the survivalist mindset, cancer that has spread through their higher management and public faces so quietly for so long that Bethesda has only just noticed it rearing its ugly head. They have ventured through the past 20 years producing games that fans would merely refrain from harshly criticizing. If only they had seen their culture of undiluted survivalism in time to integrate it into “Fallout 76.”

To see the birth of this cancer that is killing Bethesda, we will travel back in time to 31 October 1998, when “The Elder Scrolls Adventures: Redguard,” along with its related title “An Elder Scrolls Legend: Battlespire,” were both resounding “commercial failures,” according to Stephan Janicki of Computer Gaming World. These two disappointments brought Bethesda to the edge of bankruptcy before ZeniMax Media swooped in and claimed them as a subsidiary in 1999. In the following years, Bethesda Softworks knew they had to succeed, or they were done in the eyes of both their corporate overlords and their fans. This is when the panicky, survivalist mindset set in. Feverishly they worked until, in 2002, they released “The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind,” and Todd Howard was relieved to find that “It just work[ed].” Upon the laurels of Morrowind, Bethesda skipped happily into the sunset, bringing us many more beloved titles like “Fallout 3,” “The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion,” “The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim,” “The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim – Legendary Edition,” and “The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim – Special Edition.”

But they never grew out of that survivalist panic. Like cancer, it festered in the background, that burning fear of “commercial failure,” which is a euphemism for rejection by their fans. Bethesda’s near-death experience had scared them. Their aversion to conflict and attempts to please every consumer instead of maintaining a focused design and lore quickly made them the endearing dweeb of game developers, merely slapped on the wrist for repeat performance flaws that would break the fans of other developers. “Cute” bugs in coding dating back several releases, consistently shipping products with technical difficulties unbecoming of a $60 price tag, multiple rerelease announcements and story-writing so poor that it’s common for players to joke about blatantly ignoring the main plot of the game, often for hundreds of hours, in favor of the things Bethesda did capture: exploration, immersion, and lore.

That brings us to the jokes. After Skyrim-related content pervaded their 2017 E3 press conference, it began to dawn on Bethesda’s corporate half that all those Bethesda memes were laughing at them, not with them. Shaken by flashbacks of Tiber Septim’s conquest of Hammerfell in “The Elder Scrolls Adventures: Redguard,” Todd Howard and Bethesda’s upper management knew they couldn’t sit by idly and allow for history to repeat itself. They couldn’t accept hearing rejection from fans, even if it meant directly ignoring their feedback. Tunnel vision set in in the wake of more Skyrim jokes and criticism over their Creation Club microtransactions. The cancer was consuming them and the only way to heal their fracturing friendly persona and silence their critics was to get bigger, bigger than we’ve ever seen before; but at E3 2018, two decades after their initial “commercial failures,” their realization came many years too late and they didn’t snap out of their survivalist mindset in time.

Their bigger-than-we’ve-ever-seen-before came in the form of “Fallout 76”, not an ambitious venture objectively but very ambitious for Bethesda Game Studios Austin Branch, formerly known as BattleCry Studios LLC, who had never coded a project using Creation Engine, which Bethesda has been using exclusively since 2011.

But wait! say the studious fans of Bethesda. If Creation Engine has only existed since 2011, why does “Fallout 76” have bugs dating back as far as Morrowind? Creation is based off a much older engine called Gamebryo (known as NetImmerse until 2003). A much older engine that has successfully supported huge multiplayer games, most notably the critically acclaimed “Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning.”

If the core of Bethesda’s Creation Engine is a game engine that can create an enjoyable multiplayer experience, then why can’t “Fallout 76” do the same? Well, spread this funny honey on a biscuit, baby, because the answer is more cancer!

The fact that Bethesda has recurring bugs dating back over multiple releases suggests that, rather than taking time to address technology advancements, Bethesda’s survivalist mindset has grown upon Creation Engine like a tumor, strapping framework on top in half-baked layers, as quickly as possible, reducing the flexibility and independence of asset files into a fragile, unstable, monstrous whole.

I genuinely do not believe that Bethesda Game Studio Austin’s game developers were incompetent or lazy. Since the “Fallout 76” announcement at E3 2018, many have suspected disorganization in Bethesda’s management as they encountered a truly new set of obstacles for the first time. No one knew what “Fallout 76” would become, not the end users and certainly not the management of Bethesda Studios that for years had ignored the desperate need for ease-of-use coding with conservative couplings (files dependent on other files). They threw BGS Austin, a relatively new team that was inexperienced with designing Creation Engine worlds, into a hyped AAA release with an enormous fanbase; and what it became was an unacceptable byproduct of that insidious culture of corporate survivalism. Bethesda officials became so concerned with what the public thought of them that they never thought to check. They fixated on getting bigger than we’ve ever seen before until their creation became confused and codependent. They obfuscated what brought fans to Bethesda in Morrowind and kept them coming back through every hiccup and every rerelease: the fun to be had in exploration, immersion, and lore, but most importantly, the Vision.

Oh, what a situation Bethesda finds itself in now! Even though they’ve finally seen a backlash from setting profit margins before considering their team’s capacity, many feel this call-to-god moment has come too late. Losing the reverent trust of large portions of their fanbase, they must either find a way to fix their cancerous, bloated Creation Engine or risk losing their Bethesda aesthetic by developing a costly new engine to proceed. Bethesda knows this, and they desperately hope that no one else does because they also realized that by promising not only a decade-anticipated new “Elder Scrolls” release but a new game franchise as well, they’ve already allocated most of their resources. They can’t go back on their promises now without a complete “commercial failure” from fans already stretched thin by “Fallout 76;” now more than ever they need all hands on deck. There is little time and money left to dedicate to the enormous undertaking of designing a new game engine from scratch, much less the even more arduous task of unscrambling Creation Engine, now so distorted that their employees don’t know how to fix it anymore or they would, just to stop seeing memes about Skyrim and floating Scorched Zombies. It’s hopeless. It’s arguable that they deserve help after insulting fans with the lack of focus and attention for “Fallout 76,” multiple buggy rereleases of a buggy title from 2011, and the general sense of not understanding what made a compelling story. They do not deserve sympathy for the vague unease of having to create your own purpose, a job which Bethesda has shifted to its fans to avoid facing its fears from 20 years of trying to please everyone for their own pride and not in the spirit of their consumers.

Bethesda may not deserve our help, but many still believe that The Elder Scrolls does, that Fallout does. If you’re one of those people, there is something you can do, and it’s to ignore the cries to boycott all Bethesda products “forever.”

Bethesda owns the intellectual property to The Elder Scrolls and Fallout; and while Bethesda is an abusive, frustrated company with—seemingly—a vision of self-destruction, they do still care what you think because of their all-consuming fear of the Redguard. But ZeniMax Media owns them, even the neurotic Todd Howard, and ZeniMax Media has only ever cared about your money. You cannot refuse to agree to buy the game you want Bethesda to make and still expect it to arrive, but you can refuse to pre-order their games and indulge in microtransactions for as long as it takes. The game industry’s security and stock values are heavily dependent on fan loyalty, digital merchandise sales and pre-orders. This money gives them their security blanket in case they create “Fallout 76.” Wrapped in their blankies, the management of Bethesda and ZeniMax Media will keep their narrow vision and continue to use their development teams as bad press sponges unless they experience some genuine fear of “commercial failure.” If consumers reject their vision, they will change their vision for money; because Truth is, the game was rigged from the start.

#my writing #bethesda #zenimax #fallout 76 #fallout #fo76 #fo76 beta #fallout 4 #skyrim #the elder scrolls #writeblr #writing #article #humor art #long post #vidya games

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howveryheather · 4 years

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pandemic songs + self discovery

My Spotify Unwrapped for 2020 looked remarkably similar to every other year of my life recorded on the platform. The number one song, for what has to be at least four years running, is an ambient track from a video game that I listen to while I’m working. Most of my top musicians are a mix of film and television composers and Enya. This is true even in a pandemic. So many of my existing musical influences are still here to weather the many storms of life that are ahead — whether I am ready for them or not.

In every moment where I was not working, I was listening to a lot of music. Pouring over my Spotify, I’m able to see so many different moods and feelings. I have always kept one enormous playlist that lets me go back and know exactly what music I was listening at various moments in my life. Moments in time where the world felt like it had lost its balance, but music kept me grounded. Kept me thinking about the past, present, and future. The way I see it, the best is still yet to come for everyone. Better times are on their way. People I don’t yet know are coming into my life. Places I haven’t lived in yet will be here soon. And there will be even more songs that will define those moments in time for me.

I didn’t know the songs I’d be listening to during the pandemic and yet, here we are... with the music that defined this uncertain time in my corner of the world.

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“Say So” — Doja Cat

In the aftermath of getting knocked out with one of the worst flus of my life for a week this year, I spent the remainder of February desperately trying to regain my strength and sense of self. Little did I know that in March the entire world would change because of the coronavirus. This song feels like the last music video of our “normal” time. Nostalgic for roller skating rinks and hanging out with friends.

“Geyser” — Mitski

Have you ever heard a song that emotionally rocked you to the core so badly that you had to get into the fetal position and think afterwards? This one did it. Screaming while crawling and rolling around in the dirt is a real 2020 mood.

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“Too Late” — The Weeknd

The entire After Hours album, and the red suit character, is a real quarantine/lockdown mood if there ever was one. Abel can’t miss.

“The Chain” — Fleetwood Mac

Everyone else might have been on a Dreams kick, courtesy of the Ocean Spray skateboarder but I was all about The Chain.

“Me And You” — NERO

In the movie montage of your life, this is the song that plays to emphasize you’re a boss who can do anything. I stopped drinking for the better part of this year, which is pretty cool. Then I attempted the keto diet. That lasted for... less than 48 hours. The message is simple: I will just exercise instead of giving up carbs!

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“Ocean of Mine” — Kennedy One

Before I started paying for Spotify Premium, I was trapped in a world of endless commercials. Once in a great while, the streaming service would recommend music that I might like. Kennedy One’s Ocean of Mine was one of those recommendations. I listened to this while I had my first crown put on at the dentist. You know I love anything that sounds like the wind, the water, and the promise of the shore.

“Joan of Arc on the Dance Floor” — Aly & AJ

These sisters came through so many times in 2020! The Up All Night event on YouTube and the Viper Room streaming show made it feel like concerts had, in a slow but sure way, been able to make a return. Just in time to kiss 2020 goodbye we have an explicit version of Potential Breakup Song... MVPs!

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“Moscow Invitational 1968″ — Carlos Rafael Rivera

Many hours spent writing require a specific kind of soundtrack for staying in the zone. The moment I heard this score play during The Queen’s Gambit, I knew it was going to be part of my background noise whenever I’m working from this moment moving forward. It’s inspiring to listen to and helps me stay even more concentrated on the task at hand. Whatever challenges are ahead, I know I can reach them and keep leaping onward to the next hurdle and beyond.

“forget me too” — Machine Gun Kelly feat. Halsey

This is why we need concerts again: recreating a mosh pit feeling alone in your bedroom is simply not possible.

“Shine Ibiza Anthem 2019” — Paul van Dyk, Alex M.O.R.P.H.

In a pre-COVID world, I had plans to see Ultra 2020 in Miami. In a post-COVID, vaccinated world, I still have these plans for the future! I so look forward to the return of music festivals again, particularly those of the eat, sleep, rave, repeat variety.

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“Violence” — Grimes & i_o

This is my December song that will carry into January and beyond. I love, love, love it! (RIP Garrett Lockhart.)

As 2020 comes to a close, I have discovered some things about myself.

There were three times I cried, and I mean sobbed my eyes out, during this pandemic. The first was during the news of the initial lockdown. That was pure fear and confusion and chaos. The second was when I started to see news footage of miles-long lines of people waiting for food to feed their families. That was an aching sadness that I felt deep in my bones because a lot of people lost their jobs and had nowhere else to turn for food. And the third was when I heard Governor Newsom ordered 5,000 body bags for California. Hearing news like that makes it impossible to never un-hear it again. It’s the reality of how badly this virus has rampaged our country.

It really bothers me when I see people saying that they want normal again. I get the root of the desire which is that you’d like to enjoy a drink at the bar or have a dinner out or spend time with friends, etc. But there were a lot of problems with our normal world. Too many. To me, it feels like signaling that you’re okay with continuing to live in a society where so many people have to work multiple jobs to survive, the healthcare infrastructure is buckling, and the education system is completely fractured (among many other issues!).

What it seems, at least to me, is that people only want the aspects of normal that they were fortunate enough to receive but come at the expense of others. I suppose the best analogy is to consider the super rich. Once they exit their bunkers, they will want someone, likely paid on barely liveable wages, to make and serve them brunch. One can only hope this time has changed enough people to do and be better, but human nature is a fairly predictable beast. A number of people failed what I consider to be a basic human experiment and revealed seriously selfish true colors. I could rant about this topic for awhile — and believe me, I have THOUGHTS — but it’s too easy to dwell on bad news and opinions.

There was a lot of good, just news in the mix. Some of it made the news, some went under the radar, but it was still there and it’s still happening. Here’s a few links:

There has been an animal discovered by scientists (a jellyfish-like parasite) that does not need oxygen to survive.

CRISPR was injected into a live patient’s eyeball this year, to treat genetically-caused blindness.

PG&E plead guilty to 85 counts in the 2018 Camp Fire, the same fire that wiped out Paradise, California.

A Michigan jeweler named Johnny Perri buried $1 million of gold, silver, and diamonds for a real-life treasure hunt this summer.

Princess Beatrice and Edo Mapelli Mozzi had one of the prettiest, socially distanced weddings I’ve ever seen.

American Girl launched a new doll, Courtney, born in 1986. (They’re catching up to my age now!)

And the 2021 Super Bowl is inviting healthcare workers to attend the big game.

In the post-coronavirus “new normal” when I have been vaccinated, I know some aspects of my life will go back to their bubble. A lot will change though.

What I really want is to do is get involved, hands on, in the community again. I want to volunteer at local food banks, soup kitchens, and/or churches for a few hours each week, when possible. (I also have a thought surrounding the idea of making a whole bunch of travel-size feminine product care kits for women in need if this isn’t already happening...) And if I can’t physically be there, then I want to donate and offer support in other ways. I am not helpless. I am a helper, as Mr. Rogers would say, and I would like to be able to help out more and contribute to the well-being of others once it is safe to do so.

I hope people will find it inside of them to want to work together again and come together as a community. It means a lot of hard work and energy and time, but it’s gonna make our world a lot better — far beyond the normal one we left behind.

#personal #2020 #2021

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eggymovies · 5 years

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Favorite Movies of 2019

Last year I used this space to post a list and short write-up of my favorite movies of 2018. This year, I’ll be doing the same a bit. I’m not much of a writer, just someone who likes movies and wants other people to like them too.

I went to the movies 101 times and watched about 250 movies in total between the theater and home viewings. Two highlights of non-2019 movies that I discovered for the first time this year and haven’t stopped thinking or talking about: Teddy Bear (10 timer til Paradis) (available on Amazon Prime)

Somewhere (rent it on iTunes, Amazon, or anywhere)

I’d also like to use this space to praise Cold War, which was distributed after my 2018 list came out but would have made it to the top 5 of the year. An achingly romantic epic (though only 88 minutes in length) directed by Polish master-filmmaker Pawel Pawlikowski, who won the best foreign film Oscar for 2013′s Ida, Cold War depicts the tragic love story of two musicians spanning multiple decades in post-WWII Europe. It’s available for free on Amazon Prime.

Alright... here is my top 20 films of 2019 list, which changed yesterday, will change a little tomorrow, and will look completely different in a year: 20. Toy Story 4

A perfect end to a near-perfect franchise. I’m not sure anyone believed this would be more than a cash-grab, but Pixar employed it’s flagship franchise and characters to explore ideas about growing up and letting go. That might sound like a rehash TS3, but the fourth installment proved itself unique and worthy of addition to the canon. Let’s just hope Disney/Pixar ends things here.

19. Wild Rose

One of the strongest performances of the year, Jessie Buckley is enough to vault this pretty good movie into my top 20. A troubled young woman recently released from a Scottish women’s prison attempts to follow her dream of becoming a famous Nashville country singer. If that’s not enough to compel you to watch this film (streaming on Hulu), at least watch the music video for Glasgow, an original song from the film that is also one of my favorite songs of the year.

18. Triple Frontier

If you know me at all, you should have seen this coming. Oscar Isaac, Ben Affleck, Charlie Hunnam, Garret Hedlund and Pedro Pascal (whom Netflix is smart enough to not hide behind armor and a helmet) are former Special Forces soldiers who team up to rob a South American crime boss. What seems like a typical heist movie about one more job surprises half way through by turning into a film about survival at any cost. The Metallica needle-drop as a helicopter flies over a South American highway and mountain range all but cemented this movie’s place on this list. I have no shame.

17. Us

The first time I saw Jordan Peele’s follow-up to 2017′s breakout hit Get Out, I liked it a lot and ached for a second viewing to pick up on all the easter-eggs and deeper meaning behind his choices. On second viewing every choice was cheapened and I found that I liked it less, saddened by what I saw as shallow metaphor and an ending that ripped of Karyn Kusama’s The Invitation. Over the next month or so I found myself telling people that Us was a blast, and that it’s intention was not to be read more deeply, but simply enjoyed as a brilliantly crafted and visually stunning modern horror masterpiece. Then I forgot about it for a few months. I don’t know exactly how I feel now but I know I want to watch it again and that I think about it frequently.

16. 1917

A lot has been said about the filmmaking and “one-take” effect employed by Roger Deakins (cinematographer) and Sam Menders (director), which is impressive and worthy of the praise it’s received, but I won’t belabor that point. What worked for me was the chemistry between the film’s stars, George MacKay and Dean-Charles Chapman, who help turn a WWI epic into a tender story about friendship and family. A necessary breath of fresh air before the film becomes a somewhat oppressive and stressful POV take on the horrors of war.

15. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

All hail Mariel Heller, who managed to direct America’s Dad as America’s Friendliest Neighbor without being overly saccharine or sentimental. Vanity Fair’s Kam Collins pointed out that “Close-ups on fred rogers hit different”, which was spot on. Rogers was always seen and felt from a distance, and while we spend a lot of time with him here, Heller’s film isn’t about him but rather his disarming effect on people who met and knew him. Taking the POV of the journalist who is profiling him works wonders.

14. Paddleton

This Netflix film starring Mark Duplass and Ray Romano went mostly ignored or unwatched in 2019 as far as I can tell, but I happened upon it one evening (thanks, algorithms) and was moved by it’s tenderness and Romano’s remarkable performance playing against type. Fans of Duplass’ early career as a mumblecore king will feel at home in this two-hander about best friends and neighbors navigating life as one of them is diagnosed with a terminal illness and plans for assisted-death. Me loving a move about male emotion and processing grief? Shocker.

13. Midsommar

Speaking of grief, Midsommar hit the zeitgest in July and I’m sure if you’re reading this you already saw it or determined that it wasn’t for you. Someone on a Ringer podcast used the mixed-metaphor “Fish out of water getting shot in a barrel” which perfectly distills the events that transpire when a group of college students travel to Sweden for a midsummer festival that turns into something much, much scarier. It’s not a spoiler, you fucking know things aren’t what they seem. I could go long on Florence Pugh but she’s the performer of the year in my mind. Midsommar, Fighting With My Family (which rocks), Little Women (see below), and in late 2018 in Park Chan-wook’s adaptation of The Little Drummer Girl for AMC which was remarkable and as good as almost any film on this list.

12. Under the Silver Lake

David Robert Mitchell followed up 2017′s excellent It Follows with this wonderfully weird paranoia soaked Los Angeles neo-noir stone flick. This film shares so much DNA with Chinatown, The Big Lebowski and Inherent Vice, but is it’s own strange exploration of the meaning (or meaningless) of life and art and the world that surrounds us. I’m still not sure I understand what the point was, if there was any at all, but I think that was also the point? You’ll understand what the means after watching the film. Or maybe you won’t. I don’t know, it’s a fun one.

11. Atlantics

To say much about the plot of Mati Diop’s brilliant debut film Atlantics would be a disservice to anyone who hasn’t seen it. Seriously, it’s on Netflix right now and is a stunning and spooky original story that demands your attention. I can’t stress this enough, the less you know the better. Prepare to be surprised in the best way possible.

10. Transit

Christian Petzold’s Transit is an unsettling tale about identity and one man’s struggle to find human connection while in the midst of a chaotic attempt to escape a fascist state. Franz Rogowski is hypnotic and Petzold’s choice to film this WWII story set in France without period signifiers has a dizzying effect. Watch it on Amazon Prime right now!

9. Once Upon A Time in Hollywood

There’s been enough discourse around this movie and enough writing on it that I don’t need to get into it. It’s Leo, Brad, and Robbie. It’s LA in 1969. It’s Tarantino. It’s excellent.

8. Ad Astra

A space movie starring Brad Pitt directed by James Gray. Do I need to say anything else? A movie about a sad man who goes to space to deal with his feelings, much like my favorite film of 2018.

7. Little Women

Set across two timelines and jumping back and forth between them, Greta Gerwig brings her uniquely nimble and manic energy to this adaption of the classic Louisa May Alcott Novel and it works perfectly. I was disappointed to hear that Gerwig’s follow-up to her perfect debut (Lady Bird) with another hollywood adaptation of Little Women but her take on the store is one of a kind. The murderers row of talent top to bottom doesn’t hurt.

6. The Irishman

I can’t believe I doubted Scorsese after seeing the first trailer for The Irishman. How stupid of me and anyone who thought his latest epic wouldn’t be necessary and singular. A brilliant and tender take on the gangster film, Martin Scorsese crafted a film that acts as a sorrowful conversation with his own life and work and the careers of the three men at the center of this story. De Niro and Pacino are incredible, but Pesci is otherworldly. Lost in the brilliance of those three titans is Stephen Graham’s hilarious and devilishly mean and charismatic supporting performance.

5. Parasite

Nearly unanimous praise has been showered on Bong Joon-ho’s Parasite, and this masterpiece is somehow still underrated. It’s funny and thrilling and perfect. I don’t need to convince you, you’ve already heard it all. If you haven’t seen it, go now. If you have seen it, see it again.

4. Pain & Glory

Pain & Glory is a brightly colored and tender reflection on the director’s childhood and ouvre. Banderas’ awe-inspiring turn as a stand-in for the director, master Spanish filmmaker Pedro Almodóvar, is smart and sweet and devastating.

3. Marriage Story

I love Noah Baumbach’s films (Frances Ha, Meyerowitz Stories, Kicking and Screaming), unless I hate them (Greenberg, Mistress America, Margot at the Wedding). And even when I hate them, I revisit them constantly and think about them with more frequency than many movies I love. He already made one of the best divorce films ever (The Squid and the Whale) and redirects his acerbic wit and cynical view of people’s motivations and love toward the process of uncoupling (and to some extent, the city of LA). There’s something ultimately hopeful and light about Baumbach’s view of humanity and love here, even as we watch both deteriorate through most of the film. Driver and Johansson are terrific.

2. Uncut Gems

A24 made a movie starring Adam Sandler centered around the outcome of a 2012 Boston Celtics playoff game that co-starred Lakeith Stanfield. If you didn’t know this movie existed, you’d think it came from a dream I had. It did not. Tense, tight, terrifying and hilarious, I saw this twice in theaters and will see it again. This is the Josh and Benny Safdie’s Goodfellas, and they will win an Oscar in 20 years for a movie that is less daring and less original and we will all look back on this year as the moment we failed to realize the torch had been passed.

1. The Farewell

The Farewell starts by announcing it is “Based on an actual lie” and from those opening frames you know you’re in masterful hands. A heart-wrenchingly sweet and somber film filled with humor and honesty, it is the story of a family choosing to hide the matriarch’s cancer diagnosis from her so she can live out her final days without the anxiety and stress of knowing. Awkwafina, in a wonderful performance playing against type, is the Chinese-American granddaughter who struggles to find her place in the narrative her family is creating, torn between her ties to her Chinese heritage and American identity, feeling like the other in both worlds she inhabits. I have been unable to shake many moments in this film from my mind and would wholeheartedly recommend to anyone and everyone I know. It will not disappoint.

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paleblank · 7 years

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You probs get this kind of message a lot, but after watching your Wanna Play video (multiple times) I can't not hear that voice for Mimo. I wanna draw him he's so cute! Btw, who's that black sphinx featured in the video?

I told her you were frozen for a billion years and that’s why you never heard of her grace, and she bought it! Otherwise she’d probably throw you at the gators

Anyway, to refresh your memory, she’s Aluki, a sacred sphynx cat with mystical powers. Also queen of I don’t know exactly what things very important things, maybe Egyptian things… and cats. So now that you’ve been re-enlighted you should get back to praying. Praying days are every Thursday evenings and we have cookies.

okok I’ll stop the jokes. In that video she gets her head cut off but she doesn’t actually dies. Not because she’s immortal but because that video is not really cannon… idk it was supposed to be a big hallucination produced by Mimo’s demon/parasite. As for the voice thing, hmm really? I think it fits him a bit :3 and pleaseeee you’re free to draw any of my characters including the pink cute bum Mimo, just let me see it when you finish I love fanart so much!

#ask pale #aluki #oc #my art

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captainlenfan · 5 years

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New Post has been published on http://websiteshop.network/episode-433-qa-with-robb-and-nicki-26/

Episode 433 – Q&A with Robb and Nicki #26

http://robbwolf.com/2019/06/21/episode-433-qa-with-robb-and-nicki-26/

We’re back on a roll with Episode 433, Q&A #26!

Submit your own questions for the podcast at: https://robbwolf.com/contact/submit-a-question-for-the-podcast/

If you want to see the video for this podcast, be sure to check out our YouTube channel.

Show Notes:

1. Enzymes and IBS? [3:32]

Ken says:

Talk to us about enzymes Robb. I’ve played with alot of different things over the years to help with IBS issues. For a long time I was devoted to probiotics but I never found any real consistent results with them. I took a stool test a year or so ago and discovered that literally none of the strains of probiotics I had so diligently taken (and paid for) were significantly present. Along the way anti fungals and anti parasitic medication (Dr Rx’d) helped calm the fire down below but it was enzymes that seem to seem to have made the final difference for me. Not only is the fire largely out I’ve really not had to keep up with taking enzymes like I did with probiotics. To be fair to probiotics they seem to help in the moment but I get the sense you have to take them daily which does not seem to be the case with enzymes. I should mention I know several people that have had the same experience with probiotics and enzymes. My question then is what is the mechanism at work? I get that enzymes help break down foods but why would that help with IBS symptoms and furthermore why would those symptoms be largely gone after only 6 months or so of using them but not taking them daily even?

2. Squat Pooping and Toilet Training [10:42]

Terrence says:

Hey Robb and Nicki!

Loving the new Q&A format! You have done such a great job educating the public on what to put in one end of their bodies that I want to take a moment to talk about how to get the most out of what comes out the other end!

I am a first-time dad of a now 16-month-old, so that means we’re starting to approach potty training. As we all know, the “natural, paleo way” of pooping is getting into that deep squat and letting fly. It’s so obvious to me that this is the way we’re meant to poop. I see it every morning: my little girl suddenly stops playing with her toys and drops into that ass-to-grass squat that my jiujitsu hips will never do again. By the time that thousand-yard stare creeps into her eyes, I’ve already got one hand on my SLS-free baby wipes.

Every parent has seen that, and yet every parent in this hemisphere insists on trying to get their kid going from this squat position to sitting on a porcelain platform with his/her feet dangling. The toddler naturally resists with a, “what the hell do you expect me to do from here?” look. Frustration ensues, but poop doesn’t. It seems like transitioning our toddlers from diapers to seated toilets is yet another mismatch of nature in our modern civilization.

For adults, it’s easy to make a homemade platform or buy a Squatty Potty / similar product. But what’s the plan for tots? I’ve considered setting up a kitty litter box in the bathroom. The mother-in-law is almost certainly going to lose her shit (heh heh) but maybe that’s the price of being the world’s #2 Dad!

Would love to hear your Paleo Poop Solution for how we are Wired to Shit.

-Terrence

3. Travel Eating Tips? [14:30]

Luiza says:

Got your masterclass and it was paramount for the achievement of the keto sunset. 8 weeks in, 15 lbs down and I feel amazing!

However I am quite a foodie and will be heading to Paris for 10 days in June to vacation with my brother and dad. I will be staying at a hotel and definitely don’t wanna miss out on real French croissants or pastries… I also am from Brazil and while I can tell the benefits of keto long term, I would not be able to go visit and skip out of eating fruits, which is most of my diet while I’m down there.

so question: Should I still try my best to keep up with calories/macro count while traveling and/or supplement with exogenous ketones (do they even work?) or should I not worry about it until I get back home? Am I gonna feel absolutely awful while getting back on carbs? On that note, maybe I should re-introduce carbs before I even go?

Appreciate your guidance on the issue.

4. BJJ + Recurring Staph Infections [18:39]

Sam says:

Dear Robb + Nicki,

Over the last 12 year period, I’ve made numerous attempts to train BJJ–each attempt ending in a staph infection. My first time was about 12 years ago, where I got a good year of training in. This was punctuated by a pretty bad staph infection that flared back up a few more times shortly after. 8 years later, I went for it again…this time getting a staph infection after one week of training. Most recently, I got 6 months in before getting another. As you can imagine, every doctor I’ve ever talked to thinks I just need more antibiotics, or that I have some secret colony of staph living in my nose. This approach has obviously not been successful for me. It also fails to address why I only get them while training, and never in the periods in between. While hygiene may have been to blame the first time, I was pretty careful the last two times, even if it wasn’t 100% perfect. I had a funky sleep schedule before my most recent occurrence, which I think may have contributed. Some more details for you…I’m 33, in good shape, otherwise healthy, eat well, and sleep well. I’ve always lifted weights outside of BJJ but nothing crazy in terms of volume. My question for you is: If this was happening to you, where would you start? What would you be looking at? I have considered seeing a functional medicine practitioner as I’ve wondered if there are some bigger picture immune issues at play. I appreciate any thoughts you have on this– I don’t want my BJJ career to be over so soon. Thanks!

Notes: https://www.defensesoap.com/

5. Adult Autism – Should I Go Keto? [23:51]

Alex says:

Hi Nicki and Robb,

I’m 29 and was diagnosed as on the autism spectrum just two years ago. This would have been considered as asperger’s in the past. I’ve been primarily paleo (ice cream is really good) for the better part of six years, but after running my DNA through Found My Fitness, I’m wanting to address my dietary choices from a more personalized approach, including finding the most optimal choices to address some of the occasional stressors I feel associated with being on the spectrum – anxiety, depression, and general cognitive/mood disregulation.

The most researched dietary intervention seems to be a gluten free, dairy free diet, with a few studies looking into keto. However, each study I’ve seen is only looking at kids as the subjects and typically with more severe symptoms than what I experience. Keto seems to be a promising approach, but is there any reason why this would be different for an adult? I tried keto for about a month a year ago but immediately found my cognitive performance drop. While I know my macro amounts were appropriate (used ketogains calculator), I know now that I didn’t incorporate the electrolyte component. Could this account for my initial struggles with it? Is there anything else someone on the spectrum should consider when attempting keto? Supplements, macro ratios, etc.? I’ll include more details about me below, but thank you for your time in reading question and all of your work.

Alex

29 years old

6′ 4”, 240 lbs

CrossFit 3-4x per week

Sleep 6-7 hours a night (we have a 1 year old that thinks the day begins at 3:30am)

Polymorphisms of concern from FoundMyFitness: MTHFR (which seems to be common in those on the spectrum), FTO (multiple SNPs), APEO3/4 (multiple SNPs)

Live in Minnesota where sun exposure is only frequent enough where your skin doesn’t freeze

Where you can find us:

Submit questions for the podcast: https://robbwolf.com/contact/submit-a-question-for-the-podcast/

Transcript:

Download a copy of the transcript here (PDF)

Nicki: Hey, Hubs

Robb: Welcome back, wife. What’s new? What’s exciting? We’re living in the Arctic of Reno

Nicki: I know. It’s been a really, really long, drawn-out spring going into summer. It’s cold.

Robb: The White King is dead. Winter should be ending, but it’s not.

Nicki: Winter is still here.

Robb: Yup. Did you want to fill people in on anything, or do you just want to jump in?

Nicki: If you want, sure, what we’re thinking of doing.

Robb: Sure. Well, no, you do it.

Nicki: Well, we have decided that we are going to be moving to Texas.

Robb: You gonna be oblique about where so nobody can find us? We had a crazy story. Zoe was only a couple of days old…

Nicki: I don’t know what crazy story you’re telling.

Robb: …that, when the people showed up at our front door?

Nicki: Oh. Yeah.

Robb: Yeah. So, a little bit of background, and I’m sorry, if you don’t give two shits about this, just fast forward a little. A really close friend of ours had just had this super gnarly identity theft thing go on where somebody found out that they were out of town, they forwarded their mail… It was super, super messed up-

Nicki: Yeah.

Robb: …and so we were kind of a little on edge from that.

Nicki: So, that was one week before, and then we had Zoe. She was super young. I was, like, nursing in the back room.

Robb: This was day four or five and we were completely sleep deprived, like, out of your head and you’re legitimately insane at this point.

Nicki: Uh-huh (affirmative).

Robb: And, somebody had pinged Squatchy, and they’re like, “Hey, I want to send Robb one of these exercise mobility ball things or something like that, and so Squatchy had given them our home address, and, lo and behold, somebody knocks on the door-

Nicki: (laughs)

Robb: and I show up at the door just disheveled and exhausted, and there are these people I’ve never met before with this little rubber ball. They’re like-

Nicki: They’re like, “Oh, we had a wedding to go to and so we were driving through, so we thought we would just personally deliver it.” (laughs)

Robb: And so, after that, we got a P.O. box. And, it’s not that we hide our location, but I’ve had a few, kind of wacky threats from the crazy vegans and stuff like that. We have kids and so, yeah. So, we’ll be… it’s central Texas. Yeah, we’re looking at central Texas.

Nicki: Hill country Texas.

Robb: Hill country Texas.

Nicki: But, not Austin.

Robb: But, not Austin. Yeah. All the cool kids can go there. We’re going somewhere else. So, anyway, yeah, we’re looking at moving so the podcast may be a little hit and miss. We’re trying to bank some of these-

Nicki: Yeah, but-

Robb: …so that we stay on top of that but, yeah.

Nicki: Yeah. So.

Robb: That’s our preamble on that, or our pre-ramble.

Nicki: Pre-ramble. All right. We’ll jump in then.

Robb: Okay. Cool.

Nicki: So our first question is on enzymes and IBS from Ken, and he says, “Robb, talk to us about enzymes. I’ve played with a lot of different things over the years to help with IBS issues and, for a long time, I was devoted to probiotics, but I never found any real, consistent results with them. I took a stool test a year or so ago and discovered that literally none of the strains of probiotics I had so diligently taken and paid for were significantly present. Along the way, anti-fungals and anti-parasitic medication, doctor-prescribed, helped calm the fire down below, but it was enzymes that seemed to have made the final difference for me.

Nicki: Not only is the fire largely out, I’ve really not had to keep up with taking enzymes like I did with probiotics. To be fair to probiotics, they seem to help in the moment, but I get the sense you have to take them daily, which does not seem to be the case with enzymes. I should mention I know several people that have had the same experience with probiotics and enzymes, and my question is, what is the mechanism at work? I get that enzymes help break down foods, but why would that help with IBS symptoms and, furthermore, why would those symptoms be largely gone after only six months or so of using them, but not taking them even daily?”

Robb: Yeah, it’s really interesting stuff. When I was at the UCSF conference that Akil Palanisamy puts on each year, really amazing event. Doctor Datis Kharrazian was there, and this guy is so smart. Chiro and also a Ph.D in Immunology, I think, from Harvard, so kind of… D.C., Ph.D guy, and he’s a real, legit gut health expert, and really on the… how do you fix things clinically. And, he did an amazing breakdown of this whole story, and he relies heavily on things like betaine hydrochloride, apple cider vinegar, which I have shifted to using capsules because, when I would do the apple cider vinegar shots, it was dissolving my teeth, which it has a tendency to do, and butyrate.

Robb: So, what’s going on on that in kind of a multi-factorial story is that the enzymes in improving the acid content of the stomach while you’re eating food… if you break everything down into its constituent parts, and we’re really concerned about the proteins in this story, and proteins, whether it’s from animal sources or plant sources, if they hit the gut lining as single amino acids or dipeptides, which is about the ideal scenario, there’s really not immunogenic substance, then. There’s not the problematic proteins that can irritate the gut and cause the motility issues that kind of typify IBS. And then, he recommended the butyrate because the butyrate tends to help fix the gap junction issues within the gut in kind of a primary indirect fashion.

Robb: So, when a healthy gut, assuming that an individual is eating some fermented, fermentable fiber and all that type of stuff, would get butyrate and propionate and malonate and these different short-chain fats, that improve gap junction function, and then, in theory, a healthy gut, people are robustly digesting all of their food, including the proteins, and also the carbohydrates that should be digested early in the process versus, you know, if we have poor digestion, those carbohydrates can make their way intact into later portions of the digestion, which is kind of where SIBO and all that stuff pops up.

Robb: So, that’s kind of the mechanism there, and it makes a lot of sense, and what’s interesting about that, it’s a little bit reminiscent… the gut health topic and the microbiome topic is really interesting, and I think when we’ve talked about this a couple of times before, but clearly the gut microbiome and gut health is critical. But, we don’t really know yet, I think in general, what to do about it.

Robb: About fifty percent… Most of the studies you look at, Doctor Ruscio has talked about this… a hundred people take a probiotic formula, about half of the people show improvements, half the people don’t. Some of the don’ts actually get worse. So, it’s very hit and miss in that regard, and also the probiotics generally are not intended to be repopulating the gut. They’re actually intended to kind of tune the immune system, although some work from the Sonnenberg Lab suggests that the process of putting these gut microbes from probiotics through this system actually creates a more amenable environment for you to get other organisms from the environment that should be taking up residence there, and… really interesting stuff.

Robb: But, the point being that… if we look at people who have had different forms of ileostomies, like, basically having their intestines, to varying degrees removed, these people don’t live shorter, worser lives than people with all of that real estate. And this is despite whatever injury or illness caused that scenario.

Robb: So, on the one had, clearly the gut microbiome and gut health is really important, but it seems, in my mind… my kind of take on this, is it’s really, really important to either function well or, if pathology has occurred, then we need to somehow address the pathology, because, clearly, just removing that real estate, it makes all the notion of, well, fiber is critical to health and all this stuff. It really kind of casts an interesting light on it, so, in the scenario of really augmenting frontal digestion with enzymes and potentially, again, apple cider vinegar or some other acid sources, that would appear to really fix a lot of problems because we’re breaking the food down and there isn’t the large proteins that are potentially immunogenically stimulating.

Robb: So, that’s what’s going on both on the probiotics side and, most likely, on the enzyme side. It is intriguing to me that you can get by with this with intermittent use instead of needing to be really consistent. But also, even though the IBS had gone on apparently for some significant period of time, he maybe only needs to kind of pulse that whole process. Because it is interesting, too, once the gut heals, then cholecystokinin release is more normalized, and acid secretions are more normalized. We know that H. pylori suppresses acid production, ironically, even though it’s associated with peptic ulcers, but it tends to suppress acid production in the stomach to foster a more amenable environment for the H. pylori. So, sometimes if we move out the… if we change the gut microbiome in a favorable way, then it just actually gets a little bit of a feed forward mechanism going and it just generally functions better. So, yeah.

Nicki: All right. Our next question is from Terrence on squat pooping and toilet training. Terrence says, “Hey Robb and Nicki, loving the new Q and A format. You’ve done such a great job educating the public on what to put in one end of their bodies that I want to take a moment to talk about how to get the most out of what comes out the other end.

Nicki: I’m a first-time dad of a now-sixteen-month-old, so that means we’re starting to approach potty training. As we all know, the natural Paleo way of pooping is getting into that deep squat and letting fly. So obvious to me that this is the way we’re meant to poop. I see it every morning: my little girl suddenly stops playing with her toys and drops into that ass-to-grass squat that my jiu jitsu hips will never do again. By the time that thousand-yard stare creeps into her eyes, I’ve already got one hand on my SLS-free baby wipes. (laughs)

Nicki: Every parent has seen that and yet every parent in this hemisphere insists on trying to get their kid going from this squat position to sitting on a porcelain platform with his or her feet dangling. The toddler naturally resists with a, ‘What the hell do you expect me to do from here?’ look, and frustration ensues, but poop doesn’t.

Nicki: Seems like transitioning your toddlers from diapers to seated toilets is yet another mismatch of nature in our modern civilization. For adults, it’s easy to make a homemade platform, or buy a Squatty Potty, or similar product, but what’s the plan for tots? I’ve considered setting up a kitty litter box in the bathroom. (laughs) Mother-in-law is almost certainly going to lose her shit, (laughs) but maybe that’s the price of being the World’s Number Two Dad.” (laughs)

Robb: (laughs)

Nicki: Terrence, that’s hilarious. “Would love to hear your Paleo poop solution for how we are wired to shit.”

Robb: Terrence definitely gets Best Question of the Podcast History Award.

Nicki: He gets… yeah.

Robb: I don’t know, I mean… the first thought that pops in my mind is, “This is a great product opportunity for Terrence to get in and try to address.

Nicki: You know what’s interesting is other countries have… you do squat.

Robb: Right.

Nicki: I remember traveling to Turkey when I was nineteen, and even Italy, I think, they have some toilets like this, where it’s a hole in the ground, it’s porcelain, then there’s a little spot for your feet, but you actually squat. And, it flushes, but you’re not sitting on anything.

Robb: So, yeah.

Nicki: I’m sure you can order these toilets and have them installed in your home. [laughs]

Robb: Right. Can we do that with our new house?

Nicki: We can look into it.

Robb: Look into that. Yeah, I mean, we saw this same phenomena go down, and there is pretty clear literature suggesting that pooping not in a squat… you get a little bit of, like, fecal backflow because we’re supposed to have a valsalva maneuver, and… so, yeah, this is another one of the things that… you know, it’s so interesting, some of the articles on this, is, suggests that a lot of what we characterize as kind of normal GI dysfunction is a consequence of the way that we’re pooping, but that’s just so endemic that it’s kind of a problem hidden in plain sight. The researchers generally never even ask the question, “Well, if I change my position and was in a more, you know, I guess it’s not orthopedically, like, poop-opedically aligned position that, you know, this stuff would be addressed.

Robb: But, yeah, I’ve wanted the pit toilet for a while.

Nicki: Yeah, it’s just a square, porcelain thing-

Robb: And it still flushes and does all that stuff, yeah.

Nicki: …that sits in the ground with a hole, just like a normal toilet bowl hole, with little grooves for your shoes, and you just squat, and it has a flush.

Robb: Well, let’s look into that.

Nicki: (laughs) Okay.

Robb: (laughs) Terrence, we’ll keep you posted if we find one of those in the new digs, we’ll send you info on it. But, really good question, and it’s interesting, and this is another one of these things that we get our kids started off not on the right foot with a lot of stuff. Yeah.

Nicki: All right. Let’s see. Our next question is from Luiza on falling off the wagon. She says, “I got your masterclass and it was paramount for the achievement of the keto sunset. Eight weeks in, fifteen pounds down, and I feel amazing. However, I’m quite a foodie, and will be heading to Paris for ten days in June to vacation with my brother and dad. I will be staying at a hotel and definitely don’t want to miss out on real French croissants or pastries. I also am from Brazil, and while I can tell the benefits of keto long-term, I would not be able to go visit and skip out on eating fruit, which is most of my diet while I’m down there.

Nicki: So, my question: should I still try my best to keep up with the calories and macro count while traveling, and/or supplement with exogenous ketones? Do they even work? Or, should I not worry about it until I get back home? And, am I going to feel absolutely awful while getting back on carbs? On that note, maybe I should reintroduce carbs before I go. I appreciate your guidance on the issue.”

Robb: So, maybe we’ll start from the back and then work forward. Are you going to feel awful going back on carbs? I have no idea.

Nicki: Depends on-

Robb: …it just depends, person-to-person. I don’t know, I go back and forth on this. On the one hand, I guess a really minimal tweak to what you’re doing and still being able to enjoy all that you have to experience there, try to make sure you hit your protein minimum. That just seems to be so important for not overeating, whether we’re on a low-carb or a low-fat diet. So, by hook or by crook, just make sure that you get your protein in. If you’re in Brazil, then eat all the fruit, but make sure that you’re getting plenty of protein with the fruit. When you’re eating your croissant, make sure that you don’t forgo the eggs and-

Nicki: Sausage and whatever.

Robb: …sausage and all that type of stuff. And, a little bit of portion control… I mean, the challenge, or the benefit, of keto is that we’re removing the carb-fat combo, and that’s where it becomes challenging for people to maintain normal appetite control. Again, adequate protein is really going to help with that, but… So-

Nicki: So, in Brazil, should she do protein and fruit, and skip any additional fat?

Robb: Yes.

Nicki: And in Paris, she could do protein and don’t put butter on her French croissants and pastries.

Robb: Maybe a little bit, but yeah.

Nicki: Yeah, try to-

Robb: Just don’t go crazy on it. Yeah.

Nicki: …I think there’s a lot of butter in them already-

Robb: Right.

Nicki: …when they make them, but trying to minimize the fat if she’s going to increase her carbs.

Robb: Yeah, yeah, to some degree. And, as to the exogenous ketones, exogenous ketones are great, but the point isn’t necessarily to take a ketone supplement to paper over other dietary concerns, unless we’re really tackling that from a neurodegenerative perspective, or something like that. So, I mean, I don’t really see the exogenous ketones being a huge boon in this scenario.

Robb: If you like them, some people do notice that they do get some appetite regulation by dropping in a scoop of the exogenous ketones or the MCTs. There’s one study that suggests a carb-rich breakfast plus MCTs caused people to then… and also, I’ve got to say they ate adequate protein in this, too, so it wasn’t just carbs and MCT. It was a good whack of protein, some standard carb intake, but then adding MCT in, what they noticed over time, was that these folks tended to eat fewer calories overall throughout the day.

Nicki: Hm.

Robb: And Chris Masterjohn did a nice unpacking of this, and so… That might work that similarly with the exogenous ketones. We don’t have a study on that yet. There is one reasonably well-performed study that suggests that MCT powder or MCT oil does that.

Nicki: Okay. Well, have fun, Luiza. That sounds like a really fun summer.

Robb: I wouldn’t mind that. Yeah.

Nicki: Okay. Let’s see. Our next question is from Sam on BJJ and recurring staph infections.

Nicki: “Dear Robb and Nicki, over the last twelve-year period, I’ve made numerous attempts to train BJJ, each attempt ending in a staph infection. My first time was about twelve years ago, where I got a good year of training in, which was punctuated by a pretty bad staph infection that flared back up a few more times shortly after. Eight years later, I went for it again, this time getting a staph infection after one week of training. Most recently, I got six months in before getting another. As you can imagine, every doctor I have talked to thinks I just need more antibiotics, or that I have some secret colony of staph living in my nose.

Nicki: This approach has obviously not been successful for me. It also fails to address why I only get them while training and never in the periods in between. While hygiene may have been to blame the first time, I was pretty careful the last two times, even if I wasn’t 100% perfect. I had a funky sleep schedule before my most recent occurrence, which I think may have contributed.

Nicki: Some more details for you: I’m 33, in good shape, otherwise healthy, eat well, sleep well. I’ve always lifted weights outside of BJJ, but nothing crazy in terms of volume. My question for you is, if this was happening to you, where would you start? What would you be looking at? I’ve considered seeing a functional medicine practitioner, as I’ve wondered if there are some bigger picture immune issues at play, and I appreciate any thoughts you have on this. I don’t want my BJJ career to be over so soon.”

Robb: Yeah. Gosh, where would we jump into this? Getting a functional medicine assessment wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, to see if there is something kind of off with HPTA axis, cortisol, which could be suppressing immune function… Definitely the hygiene of the gym that you’re in is a big factor. The places that we’ve gone to, they’re pretty on it. They spray the mats down in between classes, and they’re definitely on top of that. So, that maintenance is important. What is the name of the soap that Darien sells?

Nicki: Oh…

Robb: There’s, like, a-

Nicki: It’s Defense? Defense? Maybe?

Robb: Yeah, Defense Soap. Yeah.

Nicki: I’ll find it for sure and we can put a link in the show notes.

Robb: Yeah, but I think it has tea tree oil and some other antimicrobials, and a lot of people swear by that. This is also why, even though my jiu jitsu game, I’m not fabric-dependent, I’m not hanging onto the gi. I tend to wear a rash guard, and then a gi. I don’t usually wear sprats also, but you could do that. But, taking all that stuff, then you just have minimal surface area exposed.

Robb: So, yeah, I mean, the boxes to tick, see if there’s anything that could be obvious with regards to immune function and something being amiss there. Definitely lean on the facility owners to clean the mats thoroughly. I would recommend wearing a rash guard, possibly sprats and a gi-

Nicki: Wash the gi every single-

Robb: …and launder those aggressively each time.

Nicki: …yeah, every single time. If you get off the mat to go to the bathroom, put shoes on and walk.

Robb: Yeah.

Nicki: Everybody in the gym should be wearing shoes into the bathroom, on and off the mat.

Robb: Yeah, they should be bringing sandals to go in. It’s so gross when you see people sprint to the bathroom. The guy’s always in…

Nicki: Barefoot.

Robb: …barefoot, and then they come back on, and you’re like, “Listen, knucklehead…” But, those are the things. Anything else? Yeah, laundering the, your… whatever you wear thoroughly, and then the Defense Soap, maybe, post-training would be the things that I would look at.

Nicki: Can the sleep thing… I mean, if you’re super sleep-deprived and stuff-

Robb: Definitely, I mean, sleep-deprived. And, one other thought with this is, if you’re going really hard rolling, it’s like a CrossFit workout or something. People can turn these sessions into a near-death experience, which can kind of crush your immune response. And so, you may need to look at the intensity that you’re training, and it’s hard for people to do.

Robb: In the beginning, they just are battling for survival, and the only thing that you can rely on is strength and cardio and power output and everything, but that will knacker you, and it definitely impacts immune response. Yeah, it can kind of dig a hole. So, I would definitely consider, you know, how hard are you going and figure out ways of dialing that back. I would check out Henry Aiken’s Hidden Jiu Jitsu course. He has a specific module in his course when he had a gig in Bali, and he actually has a block of, like, fifteen videos that shows him rolling with the people that attended the event, and Henry just, he looks like he’s almost unconscious.

Robb: Now, granted, he’s got twenty-plus years of jiu jitsu experience, but even though I’m nowhere near where Henry is, my rolling looks way more like that than what you see in the competition videos, where people are super rigid and they’re just go-go-go… and, so, and that’s part of the reason why I’ve been able to train pretty consistently, and I try to figure out how my forty to sixty percent effort can continue to beat or make improvements on everybody else’s ninety-five percent effort. So, that would be another piece to look at.

Nicki: Okay. Let’s see, our last question today is from Alex, an adult on the autism spectrum: should I go keto?

Nicki: “Hi, Nicki and Robb. I’m twenty-nine and I was diagnosed as on the autism spectrum just two years ago. This would have been considered as Asperger’s in the past. I’ve been primarily Paleo, ice cream is really good-

Robb: (laughs)

Nicki: …for the better part of six years, but after running my DNA through FoundMyFitness, I’m wanting to address my dietary choices from a more personalized approach, including finding the most optimal choices to address some of the occasional stressors I feel associated with being on the Spectrum: anxiety, depression, and general cognitive and mood dysregulation.

Nicki: The most researched dietary intervention seems to be a gluten-free, dairy-free diet with a few studies looking into keto. However, each study I’ve seen is only looking at kids as the subjects, and typically with more severe symptoms than what I experience. Keto seems to be a promising approach, but is there any reason why this would be different for an adult?

Nicki: I tried keto for about a month a year ago, but immediately found my cognitive performance drop. While I know my macro amounts were appropriate, I used the Ketogains Calculator, I now know that I didn’t incorporate the electrolyte component. Could this account for my initial struggles with it, and is there anything else someone on the Spectrum should consider while attempting keto? Supplements, macro ratios, et cetera. I’ll include more details about me below, but thank you for your time in reading the question, and all of your work.”

Robb: And, details: age, height, weight, CrossFit-

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative), sleep.

Robb: …decent sleep, and then he mentions some of his polymorphisms from the FoundMyFitness stuff. It’s interesting, there shouldn’t… if one is going to benefit from keto for a neurological situation. I don’t see that there would be any difference between kids and adults. It is, that said, it is interesting many children who go on a ketogenic diet for, say, epilepsy, they don’t need to stay on it for life. They’re able to get off of it at some point.

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Robb: So, there is something that changes there. So, I don’t know if the flip side could apply, that maybe there was a window in childhood where this could have worked and now it’s not going to. That doesn’t really make sense to me, but it… yeah, I don’t know. But, definitely not everybody experiences cognitive improvement on a ketogenic diet. But, the lack of adequate electrolytes, in particular, sodium, is just jaw-dropping, make-or-break deal. So, if you were going to get back in and try this again, I would definitely check out LMNT, get, go… even if you just go to the drinkLMNT.com page, and then check out the How to Make Your Own Keto At Home Electrolyte Drink. One or the other, do that.

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Robb: Start supplementing, if you do Kettle & Fire Bone Broth, put some salt in that, significant amount.

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Robb: You really have to be on point with all that. You could also try using a little bit of MCTs or exogenous ketones in this scenario, because if we really are talking about a brain metabolism story, potentially some gut dysbiosis, those things may help in this whole process.

Robb: Additionally, on the supplements, a really rich form of DHA, EPA, DHA, but leaning heaving on the DHA, if you just eat a lot of fish. I’m wearing Wild Planet, these guys are amazing, getting fish from these guys or something similar. Sardines, mackerel, salmon-

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Robb: …would be really beneficial, or you could supplement with a DHA-rich fish oil or krill oil formula.

Nicki: Okay.

Robb: Yeah.

Nicki: Thanks, Alex. Hubs, that was our five questions for this week.

Robb: Cool, cool. Somebody commented that they felt like we were rushed going through these, which I don’t know-

Nicki: Oh, I didn’t see that comment.

Robb: …that we’re rushed, but, yeah, it was a private message, compared to the Greg Everett days-

Nicki: Oh.

Robb: …where we would just wax on and on and on.

Nicki: You had no kids and no… (laughs)

Robb: We had no kids and, also… I try to be as thorough as I can, but also concise because people have a shortened attention span these days-

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Robb: …and so, try not to wax on too long, but trying to strike a balance between being both thorough and concise.

Nicki: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Robb: So, there you have it.

Nicki: Yep.

Robb: Okay.

Nicki: Okay.

Robb: We’ll talk to y’all soon. Oh, thanks for the-

Nicki: No, no, no, no, no.

Robb: Oh, yeah.

Nicki: No, no, no, no, no, no. If you have questions, you can submit them, robbwolf.com contact page. What else?

Robb: Drink LMNT sponsored this podcast.

Nicki: Yep. Sponsored this LMNT

Robb: Drink Element, and even though we’re not-

Nicki: Coming into a summer, too, so, if you’re in a hot climate in particular, you’re going to want to be supplementing with electrolytes. If you’re active, and you were saying something-

Robb: And, love the Wild Planet guys. So, they’re a podcast sponsor this week, too. (laughs)

Nicki: (laughs)

Robb: They’re really amazing people. They… So, the back of this shirt says something like, “When you… would your tuna… How was your tuna caught? One line, one fish, one process.” They really are committed to sustainable fishing practices-

Nicki: Mm-hmm.

Robb: …and they’ve been beating this drum for a long time, so big shout out to the Wild Plant people. They’re wonderful folks doing some very cool work. In addition to the fish, they’re also doing some meat and chicken options-

Nicki: Oh, I didn’t know that.

Robb: …in like the vacu-seal packs and stuff like that, but they’re, like, organic and blessed by the Dalai Lama and all that stuff. But, really cool people, so, check out both of our sponsors, DrinkLMNT and also Wild Planet.

Nicki: Thanks, guys.

Robb: Take care. Buh-bye

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

Text

Survey #97

gaming survey.

let's start with the classic: what's your favorite game? why? "silent hill 2." it is so fucking well-thought out and went places no one ever thought a game would go. it was psychological as fuck and absolutely terrifying in that sense. it had such an intricate storyline and was positively heart-wrenching. the characters were very unique, and oh boy, don't even think of forgetting the soundtrack. it was so, so immersive. the monsters were incredibly symbolic, and it really, really got you to question your own conscience. i could literally go on about how wonderful this game is for hours on end. least favorite game? probably "eleusis," whose name i don't care if i spelled wrong. i know it's an indie game, but holy fuck, it's horrible. the puzzles make legitimately no sense and literally requires a walkthrough. what's your favorite gaming genre? psychological horror, easily. least favorite gaming genre? probably first-person shooters. what's your favorite childhood game? "spyro the dragon: year of the dragon." i loved the entire series, but that was my favorite. when did you start gaming, anyway? literally as soon as i could hold a controller and had the coordination to understand the buttons. scariest game ever? "scp containment breach." i couldn't play it because the first scp scared me so much lol. however, i've watched my favorite youtuber play it many times. despite it being in the indie scene, it's an incredible game and should really, really cost money. hmmmm... actually, "parasite eve" may overthrow it. not in terms of jumpscares, but in terms of, "what if that really happened?" scientifically, maybe it's possible. it explains why so very well. it's the only game that ever resulted in me having to take an anxiety pill. oh yeah, fun fact, we actually had a demo of the game on a demo disc, and mom hated the preview of it so much that she refused to let my sisters and i play it lol. favorite comedic game? oh that's easy, "five nights at fuckboy's 3." it is sooo fucking funny. i love all of them, but the third's the funniest. favorite action game? "resident evil 4." it was one of my first action horror experiences. saddest game in the history of ever? "silent hill 2," again. i fucking cried so hard and my week was ruined lol. that game legitimately changed me and made me ponder my decisions much more. favorite game based off a tv show or movie? probably the first season of "the walking dead." the characters were very unique (kenny is the Love of my Life), and the plot was phenomenal. i wasn't much of a fan of the gameplay (or lack thereof), but i was there for the story. the ending had me sobbing. i've never actually watched the tv show, but man i love that game. season three hasn't been that good imo, but i enjoyed the second one, too. game with the most interesting concept? the entire "silent hill," obviously. the idea that our biggest regrets and demons exist in multiple layers of reality is cool as fuck. "soma" is a close second. the philosophical debate of "if you move a human's conscience to a machine, is it still human?" is incredible. game with the most fucked-up storyline? "silent hill 2" or "silent hill 3." sh2 was more psychological in how screwed-up it was, but sh3 was very brazen abut it. it also has the only scene ever in a video game that made me gag. like i had to walk away from the controller because i literally almost puked. favorite gaming otp? that's p hard. actually, wait, i like tyrande and illidan from "world of warcraft" a lot. their story was sad as fuck. jaina and arthas from the same game, too. favorite video game protagonist? i have two: heather mason from sh2 and leon kennedy from the "resident evil" series. both are just total badases. heather mason reminds me a lot of myself, and leon is just super fucking cool and gives zero shits. favorite video game antagonist? does pyramid head from the sh series count? i mean in ways he's not really an antagonist, so. if he's not included, maybe claudia wolf from "silent hill 3" (LOOK I KNOW I'M TALKING ABOUT IT A LOT BUT THE SERIES IS MY BABY OKAY). she is a prime example of how religion can absolutely destroy a person, and i think it's really cool that she truly thinks she's doing what's good for the world. i also really like walter sullivan from "silent hill 4" because he is just sooo incredibly fucked up with a really tragic story. arthas menethil from "world of warcraft: wrath of the lich king" is also amazing and i pitied him so much. favorite video game monster? pyramid head, bar none. he is so mysterious and terrifying in his concept. sequel that disappointed you most? hmmm. i'm not sure. i mean, if i absolutely had to pick, maybe "silent hill: origins?" i mean don't get me wrong, i enjoyed the game, but it's my least favorite in the series. most under-rated game? "AMNESIA: A MACHINE FOR PIGS." oh my GOD. i do NOT understand why people thought it was disappointing to the title. that is one of the most fucked-up, greatest games i've ever played (it's my second favorite game) i've ever had the pleasure of playing. it is way, way better than the first game. it's another game that had me depressed for days and questioning my life. most over-rated game? probably "call of duty" and the like. i just don't see the appeal. favorite quote from a game? "i have stood knee-deep in mud and bone and filled my lungs with mustard gas. i have seen two brothers fall. i have lain with holy wars and copulated with the autumnal fallout. i have dug trenches for the refugees; i have murdered dissidents where the ground never thaws and starved the masses into faith. a child's shadow burnt into the brickwork. a house of skulls in the jungle. the innocent, the innocent, mandus, trod and bled and gassed and starved and beaten and murdered and enslaved. this is your coming century! they will eat them, mandus, they will make pigs of you all and they will bury their snouts into your ribs and they will eat your hearts!" - "amnesia: a machine for pigs." i get literally covered in goosebumps every single time i hear it. it's about how absolutely horrid the world is today from the perspective of the past. i also really enjoy "the only me is me... are you sure the only you is you?" from "silent hill: p.t." game you want made into a movie? "SHADOW OF THE COLOSSUS" OH MY GOD. CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE. game you currently most want to play? "the last guardian." the story and trico are so fucking cute. what do you think of revamping classic games to "improve" them? eh, i've never been too into it. don't get me wrong, it works sometimes, but imo, it takes away the charm of the game sometimes. ex., with "crash bandicoot" being remade. i loved that game as a kid, but i think its graphics just added to the charm. favorite movie based off a game? the first "silent hill." did you ever get those old demo discs as a kid? did they ever influence you to buy a game? yes. i think we had three. i was first exposed to "shadow of the colossus" by a demo disc. i was totally into it and only played it a thousand times before buying it. were you ever or are you into the "final fantasy" craze? not really. i used to play "final fantasy viii" on a demo disc; my sisters, brother, and i loved it. my bro was the only one who could beat the final boss (the spider thing) of the demo; he and ashley used to play it a lot. i really liked it, and when i was young, wanted to buy it. we all used to think squall was sexy as fuck lol. the summons were super-duper cool too, especially rinoa's (i used to make her do her water dragon limit break constantly ha ha). i did, however, have "final fantasty vii," and i got all the way to the second disc, but i eventually just fell out of playing it. i think it was too long for me personally, although i really did enjoy the story. i'm sure you've heard of the "five nights at freddy's" one, too. were you into it? i've never played it myself and i personally wouldn't, but i've watched youtubers play it and i enjoy it. the story and characters are cool (especially springtrap), and the story is quite frightening. hardest game you've ever beaten? i am not even remotely kidding, "the legend of spyro: the eternal night." it took me over a fucking year to beat that game and i rage-quit a lot. hardest boss monster? jesus fucking christ. there are three that top the list. the ultimate being from "parasite eve" is probably number one, though. he was hard as FUCK and took me like a whole goddamn day to beat. his multiple phases were annoying, and the fact he could trap you at the VERY END if you picked the wrong door was a cardinal fucking sin. basaran from "shadow of the colossus" was also horrific. even malus wasn't that bad. getting onto his back was a goddamn nightmare, especially when he got back up and if you misjudged your jump, you'd go flying. ripto of "spyro the dragon: ripto's rage!" was also a childhood nightmare. his phases were also annoying and he was just overall difficult. i felt like a fucking god when i finally did beat him lol. memory of alessa of sh3 was also hard for me, although she herself isn't that much of a difficult boss. it was just that i had no ammo so had to melee her the whole time. i got so fucking angry. how did you feel about "silent hill: p.t." being cancelled? it was probably one of the most anticipated games of 2014. want my honest opinion? i'm glad it was cancelled. that series is my fucking child and i would be legitimately furious if they fucked it up. i had many issues with it. one, the fact that norman reedus was made a model of the main character. it just pissed me off that they designed him to look pretty much exactly like daryl dixon. i don't want people to think "oh hey a guy from twd went to silent hill." i also had a problem with them changing the name to "silent hills;" i really don't know why since it's such a minor thing, but it irked me regardless. it also really, really bugged me that kojima openly said he's a bit of a wuss with horror games. dude, you can't be like that when you're working with what is well-known to be one of the scariest series of all time. i had full faith that del toro would be great for the series, but not kojima. it also pissed me off that it was said that aliens might be involved in the game. just... no. that's not what silent hill is. i get that it's a joke in the series, but to make it canon? if they actually went through with that and made it so extraterrestrials were involved, i literally would've broken something. ultimately, i'm glad it didn't work. favorite running joke or something of the like in a series? the "i'm totally gonna stick my hand in this filthy toilet for a wallet" joke that the "silent hill" series has, rooting from when james sunderland did so in sh2. i love the references. favorite side-kick? uhhh. cynder from "the legend of spyro: dawn of the dragon." she not only looks super fucking cool, but she has an interesting story and is just overall really rad. saddest video game death? well that's hard. prepare for spoilers. the one that hit me the hardest personally was probably vol'jin from wow. he was my favorite character out of like the billion wow has, so him dying sucked. not to even mention his death was super anti-climactic to where it pissed off the whole damn fanbase, despite being one of the most important characters. lee from twd was also absolutely horrible. ha, what a coincidence... they have the same voice actor. #stopkillingdavidfennoy favorite plot twist? spoiler warning once again. my favorite and to me the most shocking was the fact james was responsible for mary's death in "silent hill 2." it rocked my fucking world. best soundtrack? "shadow of the colossus." ko otani is a musical genius. sh2 is a very close second. what's the first gaming console you ever had? the original playstation. favorite setting in a game? that's super hard considering so many games are absolutely gorgeous. but i suppose lakeside amusement park from "silent hill 3." i love the blood & rust, macabre feel to it.

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered #gaming #video games

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royalnightoutphff · 8 years

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Chapter Twenty-Four

A/N: I'm posting this now because I have new classes starting on Monday, so I'm not exactly sure when I'll get a chance to post again (at least until next weekend). Also, this chapter is a little different in that we see a bit of Harry's perspective. So far this is the only time i have planned for that but if it's well-recieved I could do it more :) As always, don't be afraid to send feedback!

Harry had made it to his office in plenty of time that morning. He’d even had enough time to eat breakfast, something that hardly ever happened. And as he was sitting at his desk sifting through paperwork, his mind was going through various encounters with the charities he was reading about, and his Grandmother’s upcoming birthday, and finally, Lexy, wondering if she was enjoying her sleep. He couldn’t wait to talk to her, curious to see what she’d gotten up to. She hadn’t answered his texts the night before and he was anxious to hear how her day had gone.

There was a knock at the door before his personal secretary poked his head in the door.

“Ed,” Harry greeted, a look of pleasure mounting his face at the sight of his secretary. They’d always gotten on well and were more friends than anything else. “How’s it going?”

Ed simply shook his head in response. “Harry, they know.”

Harry’s face fell instantly and he visibly swallowed. “Fuck,” he muttered, kicking his desk. “Things were going so well.”

“You need to call her. Immediately. Prepare her.”

Harry glanced at the clock. “She’s not awake yet. Won’t be for another few hours. She doesn’t get up for another four hours at least.”

“Can’t you call her? Wake her up?”

“Her phone is always on silent when she’s sleeping. She doesn’t like to be woken up.” She’d also told Harry that it was mostly a decision from when her father would call her multiple times when he was drunk, more often than not in the dead of the night.

“Do your best. We’ve got Princeton on the line. Their campus is crawling with reporters. They know her dorm and are surrounding it.”

“What?” Harry exclaimed even louder. He was starting to panic, thinking of her all alone, and no idea what she should do. “Can’t we do something about it? Kick them out?”

“It’s the American press. We don’t have a handle on anything they do. And besides, it’s a public campus, it can’t be regulated. The best you can do is get in touch with her and warn her about what’s coming.”

“She’s not answering!” Harry snapped as it went straight to voicemail again. He felt like punching something, only imagining what her reaction was going to be. He hung his head in his hands. “God, she’s not going to take this well. This might be the end.”

“Harry, if she cares about you—“

“You don’t know her, Ed. You don’t know Lexy. This is going to freak her out.”

Ed watched him carefully, wondering if he had ever seen Harry so distraught in his time as his secretary. “Would seeing what they’ve written make it better or worse?”

Harry sighed but picked his head up and held a hand out to reach for the iPad Ed was holding. He read the first one and then looked up at Ed. “What the fuck is this? This isn’t even about her! This is about her sister! Is this even allowed?”

“Harry, I told you, we don’t have a handle on the American press. We can’t do anything.”

“This isn’t even about her. God, she is going to kill me. I didn’t even know this. Wait—this happened last night! Fuck, she might not even know yet.”

Ed continued to watch him, watching as Harry stood up and began to pace back and forth across the room, constantly fidgeting, adjusting his tie. He groaned. “I don’t know how to fix this!”

“Harry, you can’t fix it. You know this is how it goes.”

“This is how it goes?! Having her family blown up all over the media? She’s had such a fucking hard life, Ed. This isn’t fair. Maybe I shouldn’t put her through this anymore than I have to.”

“This isn’t your fault, Harry. Just keep calling her.”

And because even if he did hop on a flight and get to her as soon as possible, he wouldn’t make it in time, Harry sat down at his desk and continued to call her, hoping that eventually she would answer.

And across the Atlantic, Lexy had no idea what was happening at all.

There were two things that happened on April 10th that she wasn’t prepared for. And, unfortunately for her, she woke up too late to deal with either one of them.

She’d been up late finishing a paper and had avoided her phone all evening, even Harry. When she’d finally gone to bed, the sun had been about to come up, and Lexy was cursing every deity she could think of.

When her snooze went off for the third time, Lexy realized she was already eight minutes late for her German class. She threw her phone away from her, disregarding the three missed calls she had from Harry and the two from Chase, her sister’s husband. Lexy got dressed in a hurry, pulling on jeans and a hoodie and throwing her hair up into a bun without even brushing it.

If she’d taken a moment to slow down, she would have noticed Nicole warily watching her from her behind her laptop screen, already awake to finish her own essay. But Lexy threw on her favorite boots and hurried out the door, ready to break out into a run as soon as she reached the pavement.

But as soon as she did open the door, she was met with flash after flash.

“Lexy! Where is Prince Harry now?”

“Lexy! What do you think about your sister?”

“Lexy! Can you confirm that Harry will be asking you to marry him this year?”

Lexy squinted, waving through them the best she could. She was confused as to what the hell was going on and the clock was ticking. If she missed anymore class, she was going to get participation points off. So she broke off into a run, not thinking about how it would come off to the press, and paid no attention to all of those behind her.

But when Lexy reached her classroom, she received strange looks from every other person in the room, including her German professor. She tried her best to ignore them and fell into her normal seat, mumbling an apology about being late.

It wasn’t until they broke into partners to decipher a poem that Lexy had an opportunity to question what was going on.

“Why does everyone keep looking at me today?” Lexy asked in a low voice to her partner. She’d caught a girl who sat across from her staring at her at least six times already, and there was still ten minutes to go.

Lexy’s partner stared at her. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah? What’s going on?”

The girl huffed and pulled out her phone, doing something on it before shoving a twitter app in front of Lexy’s face. The number one trending topic was “Harry and Lexy.”

Lexy stared at it horror, then shock, and finally her mouth dropped open. How could she have been stupid? That’s who had been taking pictures of her. Lexy swallowed, trying to compose herself.

“Do you know when this came out?”

The girl shrugged. “I woke up to it. President Eisgruber has issued a statement about the reporters on campus. Check your email.”

Lexy wanted nothing other than to pull out her phone herself and make a call to Harry right then but she knew that that action really would cost her the participation points so she did her best to get her eyes from welling up and focused on as many conjugations as she could.

When class was finally over, Lexy finally pulled out her phone, ready to call Harry when he called her again. She accepted the call and put it up to her ear.

“Thank God you’ve answered! Lexy,” He said immediately. “I am so, so sorry. I’m trying to handle this the best I can but I can’t do anything about the American press.”

“It’s alright, I guess,” Lexy told him. She hadn’t gone outside just yet, being able to see what awaited her by looking out the window. There were at least twenty people littered around the building she was in. They could take all the pictures they wanted, but every building was locked, so they couldn’t reach her there.

“I tried to warn you this morning. I’ve called you nearly twenty times.”

“I woke up late. I was up doing a paper last night. I was late to class.”

“So that’s why you were running?” He questioned.

“Why I was running?” Lexy asked. Then she was horrified again, because she realized that there had been a video of her doing what looked like running away from the cameras. And then she felt awful because she knew she looked awful, and that meant that Harry would have seen her like that. “Oh God.”

She buried her face in one hand. “Where are you?”

“In my German building. I’m about to go to my room.”

“So you haven’t read anything yet?”

“No. Someone showed me that we were trending on twitter and the president of the university sent out an email about it but that’s it.”

“Don’t read anything until you get there. And don’t talk to anyone. Say absolutely nothing. Do you want me to stay on the phone until you get there?”

Lexy thought of how parasitic they had been when she hadn’t even known what was going on. “Harry, there’s no way I can’t say anything.”

“Lexy, don’t say a word. If you do, they have something to write. If you don’t, it’s not interesting. Look, I can pretend to be a friend or something, we’ll make something up.”

“What if I drop my phone? And they see your name?”

Harry sighed. “Please don’t do that. And Lexy, do not listen to a word they say, alright? And don’t panic when they do.”

Lexy thought his words were strange but decided not to comment as the entire situation was already weird enough. So she let Harry design a game plan for her and then decided she would walk to her room with music in, letting Harry off the hook with talking to her.

“Call me as soon as you get to your room,” Harry commanded. “Be careful. And Lexy, don’t say a word.”

“I won’t,” Lexy promised. Then she put her headphones in, turned the music as loud as it would go, and did her very best to ignore the shouting all around her and the hands waving in her face. When she finally made it back to her room, she was glad Nicole was not there, and dialed Harry’s number.

He picked up immediately. “Lexy?”

She started to cry. “Harry, what do I do? I have another class in an hour.”

“Listen to me, baby,” his own voice cracking as he called her the endearment. “I’ll figure this out, okay? You don’t have to worry.”

“How can I not? I have to leave! I didn’t ask for this,” she sobbed. “I want my mom.”

Harry had begun to realize that when Lexy cried for her mom, it was more of a defense mechanism, like he probably had done, in the beginning.

“I wish you had her, babe. I really do. I’m so sorry this is happening. You have no idea.”

Lexy tried to listen to him, she really did. But internally she was freaking out and then her persona kicked in and she wanted to know everything. “What did they say about me? Like what’s everyone talking about?”

“There isn’t any official proof that we’re together. We haven’t been seen in public and neither one of us have said anything. They only know because someone tipped off the media and from there they zeroed in on you.”

“Do you think it was one of my friends?” She asked him in horror at the thought.

“Most likely. The only people who know are my brother and Kate and my father. It could have been anyone though. Literally anyone. Someone could have just seen us together walking around campus and figured out who you were.”

Lexy groaned. “What should I do? What do I do?”

“Do you absolutely have to attend your next class?”

Lexy thought about it. It was a seminar, so they would notice that she wasn’t there. But maybe she could try emailing her professor, maybe just this once they would be understanding. Lexy was a good student, after all. She always attended office hours whenever she could.

“Maybe. I’ll email my professor and call you back,” she told him, already preparing to end the call.

“Lexy—“ Harry started to say.

“I’ll call you back,” she promised, though she herself wasn’t sure if she was actually promising it or not.

A few minutes later she read over the email one more time before sending it. She went over and looked at herself in the mirror, at how her jeans were a little too loose from not being washed, at how her hair was sticking up in her bun, at how there were bags under her eyes from her late nights.

She wondered exactly what the video of her running had looked like, and at how they were going to paint her. She’d always thought of herself as an averagely attractive person but she was sure the internet was bound to see her different. For the first time that day, Lexy’s fingers twitched to google herself.

When she finally did decide to call Harry back, another ten minutes had passed, and there still wasn’t word for her professor just yet.

“You didn’t tell me your sister had a felony,” Harry said in greeting when she picked up the phone.

Then, another first for the day, Lexy decided to get defensive. “I didn’t know I needed to. It’s not really information I give out to people.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you should’ve thought about telling me. It’s public record. They know.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your sister is in prison. I’m doing what I can but it’s not much.”

Lexy snapped, like a cord that had been pulled to its limit. She knew it was irrational. She knew it wasn’t Harry’s fault. But she was still done.

“Harry, I can’t. I’m done.”

“Lexy—“

“No. I mean it. I probably should have never let this go on as far as it has. It’s interrupting my school work. It’s fucking up my family. I can’t.”

“It’s not fucking up—“

“Think about Liza-Belle and Deacon, Harry. This is their mom.”

“I survived, didn’t I?”

And the anger boiled up in Lexy like a coke can that had been shook prior to opening. “Your mom never got arrested!” Harry was silent for a while. Lexy took a deep breath and tried to amend what she could. “It’s probably for the best. This will get rid of the media too.”

“Lexy, that’s not the problem. Nothing has been confirmed. They’ll still be there.”

“I’ll tell all my friends nothing is going on.”

“We don’t know who told them. It could have been anyone. Like I said it could have been someone who simply saw us together and let it slip.”

“I’m not waiting to find out.”

Harry took a deep breath and Lexy heard it through the phone. “What if I release a statement and tell people to back off?”

“Then they’ll know for sure! I think the best thing to do is to just stop. We’ll just forget about each other and eventually they will too.”

“Lexy. No.”

“Just don’t call or text me. I’ve got to go to class.”

“Lexy—“

But Lexy hung up on him and it was only a minute later, when she was walking out of the building with her music as loud as it would go and the press started hounding her, that Lexy realized what she had done.

But as the press started to talk to her again, she didn’t care.

She received an email before she was about to walk into her seminar from her professor, telling her that it was of course okay for her to stay out of class and to be safe. Lexy took the opportunity to call home.

Except she didn’t want to talk to Chase because she’d never liked him at all, and she couldn’t call Sara. So her only option was her father.

“Hello?” He said gruffly when he picked up the answer.

“Hey Dad, it’s me. What’s going on?”

“Your sister’s a fucking idiot is what’s going on!” He all but shouted. “She opened up a bank account in your momma’s name. They put her ass in jail. Probably where she belongs. Chase is still at work and I got all them kids here with me. They won’t shut up.”

Lexy closed her eyes, wishing that she was at home right then. They must be so confused. She thought of Deacon especially, and his plea for her to not return to school.

“Are they going to let her out?”

“This is the second time she’s fucked up. They put her bail at something like a hundred thousand.”

“A hundred thousand?!”

“Yeah. No one’s got that kind a money. This is her fault though. Maybe it’s a good thing. She’ll finally learn.”

“And what about the kids?”

“I got them now because Chase is at work.”

“Why aren’t they at school?”

“They didn’t go to school today. I don’t know why.”

Lexy sighed and tried to quickly think of what she could do but kept coming up blank. She wasn’t really sure what would make a difference or if she even could. She couldn’t withdraw from the semester at that point. She wouldn’t be able to take her exams or anything.

She finally hung up with her father as she made her way to her room, with a promise to immediately send him some money until he could figure out what to do. Those days her father still lived off of the remainder of what was left of her mother’s life insurance, which wasn’t enough to take care of the kids indefinitely.

Harry was the furthest thing from her mind until she saw the press again, crowded around her door like they were children waiting for Santa. Lexy wanted to tell them to fuck off but she remembered Harry’s words to not give them something to write about and did her best to ignore them, entering into her dorm and turning on the light.

She transferred money to her father’s account before calling the internship in Spain back, confirming that she’d be working with them for the summer. Then she hung up on them too and rested her head on her desk, counting down the hours until she would have to go to work.

As if she had been confused, there was one thing about the situation that did confirm something for her. And that was that her life was too fucked up for her to ever be with someone like Harry. At least she’d figured it out before they’d gotten too far in.

So Lexy did the only thing she had ever known to do, the only thing that had ever helped her escape. She pulled out her policy textbook and began to read, concentrating solely on the text in front of her.

#prince harry #prince harry fanfiction #princeharryfanfiction #phff #princeharryfanfic

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orpheusterminals · 5 years

Text

Can you get to that? Jason Robert Bell's mystical inspirations

POSTED ON MAY 24, 2013.

INTERVIEW

For Gallery 400’s current exhibition, I THINK WE’RE READY TO GO TO THE NEXT SEQUENCE: THE LEGACY OF HALFLIFERS, the HALFLIFERS—the collaborative team of Torsten Zenas Burns and Anthony Discenza—present a re-edit of their entire video history as well as an alternative self-portrait that catalogs key materials, sources, influences, and other touchstones in a new book. Alongside the HALFLIFERS’ works are sculptures, videos, drawings, installations, photographs, and paintings by a number of invited artists who have affinities with the collaborative and who have produced new works mining the HALFLIFERS’ oeuvre. As his contribution, artist Jason Robert Bell created The White Feathered Octopus Tarot Card Deck, a full tarot card deck inspired by the HALFLIFERS, whose title is taken from a novel the artist published in 2012. On June 13 at 7pm, Bell will use one of his decks to perform a “Multi-Mystical" Tarot Card Reading.

Having worked on the exhibition, I was keen to learn more about Bell, his practice, and the piece included in the show. In an earlier conversation about his work, Bell wrote to the Gallery: “The artwork I make is not a conceptual twist on content, or an exploration in transitive forms, or anti-social pop surrealism. My artwork is the wave I surf across this reality. Everything is at once serious and silly.” Reading Bell’s answers, one can begin to understand how true this statement is.

Image: Jason Robert Bell, The White Feathered Octopus: The Painting, 2012, ink and acrylic on canvas.

Leonard Cicero: What is your relationship to the HALFLIFERS and how did you get involved in this exhibition?

Jason Robert Bell: The Time was 177666 and the place was Horned Beast University, where I spent many a night getting “Philip K. Dicked” around by two tons of fun, known as The DAFTKNIGHTERS.1 They, along with their ever-faithful Gynoid Glamazon, the Great Gatzke, were right there with me in the C.R.C. Charismatic Metafaun program.2 It was there, in the Thoughtorium, that the old girl got up the gumption, if you know what I mean. Full and total UniMindPenis Collective Life form achieved, the four humors realized the White Feathered Octopus, crawling off the dirty futon to change the station of Hypertexcube and see what the C.R.C. had fully loaded into the Interfaith Orpheus Terminal.

LC: How does The White Feathered Octopus Tarot Card Deck fit with your previous works or practice?

JRB: I have made a number of decks. The first was when I was a senior citizen at the Windycity Country Club. A fellow camper there—LuRa Kino, a local Thothist in her own right in Windyonion—left a random book in my person. Thothic Chamber was a series of stage magic tricks based on the Arthur Lee of Love Deck that the Divamom had around the old Shit Shack in the sub-urban apartments of Rocketcityutopia. I made the cards on paper I stole from Windycity Country Club's Orpheus Terminal Laboratories, as was my duty for four years of attendance. I did the entire seventy-eight in all the Major Arcanna. The first twenty-two cards, the classic archetypes, were strongly ripped off of Arthur Lee of Love Deck. But, after showing them to my Beloved Master, Dr. John "Twisted Roots" Kimsey, I began the Lesser Arcanna with the pursuit of a singular and personal vision. I still have the Deck, they were exhibited at the Windycity Country Club's Fart Gallery, in their "throw a dog a bone and finally exhibit some mother fucking student's work again" seminal exhibition "EL Cheapo." It was a big deal because a noted future Windyonion fart dealer was working there at the time, and I was confused because he thought I was a loser. But I showed him! He never had a full MindPenis activation! There have been a few more decks created over the years, mainly finding their way into the storage spaces of ex-girlfriends and a few noble fart collectors’ hypertextcubes.

As for how this current deck came about, the DAFTKNIGHTERS asked me to create something for this sexhibition and sent me a blank do-it-your-own-damn-self Tarot Card Deck. It came in the mail and sat on my desk for a few days inside a box of over thirty different tarot decks that I have collected over the years. I went for a walk here in beautiful Greenberg, my home of the last thirteen years since I left Windyonion. There, on the side of a Boho Collective Flop den that was next to the fearless bike, was a fresh patch of "The Sons of Zeus." I quickly dug the yellow flesh from the turf and injected it directly into my MindPenis. Upon going home and removing my exoskeleton, I spent the next fourteen hours drawing The White Feathered Octopus Tarot Deck, using only my departed father's leftover art supplies. The images in the deck deal with the same "reality" that I wrote about in my sci-fi novel of the same name, THE WHITE FEATHERED OCTOPUS. I will be releasing the first edition of the paperback at Quimby's Bookstore, there in Windyonion on the 11th of June at 7pm. The book will cost $17.766.

Within the book, there is a section about humanity’s first contact with intelligent life, the Emergent Mothers—a "race" of octopod creatures that float about a meter off the ground and communicate with a biological thought-crystal hologram projection. There, at Ice Station Liger on the Moon of an Extra Solar Planet, two clones of the Mercury Seven Astronauts have sex with the creature and the three fuse into a new single entity, which becomes the new human race, the Alphaflight'n Primitives. They are the next phase of reality.

Image: Jason Robert Bell, The Orpheus Terminal 7, 2011.

LC: What have been your own personal experiences with tarot card readings?

JRB: I sat on my father's lap at the Tejas Yestermorrow fair when I was five, the reader told him everything he wanted to hear. That is really what is going on here: the Tarot is a method to speak to the Bi-cameral MindPenis. That inner and true self within each of us that can never speak aloud.

LC: For your closing reception performance, you intend on using the cards you have created in a mystical reading involving a dozen individuals, each of whom will represent one of the twelve signs of the zodiac. I am more familiar with one-on-one readings. Why and how will you be using the volunteers at the White Feathered Octopus Tarot Card reading on June 13?

JRB: We will be doing a variation of the "MindMirror" Reading, using multiple decks in unison in keeping with the standard "Chance" King Wen Sequence of the IChing's elemental change. We are no longer One-on-One; we are digits in a thirteen-fingered hand of a God.

LC: Is there a connection between the tarot card reader and the artist? Do either exist because we believe they do?

JRB: I consider myself a mystic. I use visual arts, the tarot, the Internet, and the random events of my personal and public life in order to access higher planes of existence.

LC: I read much of the HALFLIFERS’ video work and zombie aesthetics and the other pieces on display in THE LEGACY OF HALFLIFERS as commentary on the anxieties and uncertainties related to the current state of economic hardships, technological advances, and capitalism’s demise. Is your work in any way meant to be political? Do you consider yours a social practice?

JRB: As far as I can tell, we are all apes that are carrying around biochemical hard drives. Our programming is the result of generations upon generations of dynamic living information parasites that primarily exist in the form of sound-waves, the solid state architecture of the hypertextcube, and the Interfaith Orpheus Terminal transmissions.

Can you get to that? The Old Candy Corn Jackhammer that is this here Untitled Snakes of Assyria is a Shuck and Jive, the Jefferson Davis brain fuck. Those names on the map are not really there when you zoom out on Google Earth.

There is no such thing as a country or as society, but rather it is a bunch of apes that figured out if we hunted in a pack we could kill more Wooly Mammoths and get the sexy wives and daughters of those bastard Goat People that live down river.

Capitalism will never die, as long as there is one last needledick bughumper weasel out there that wants to "profit" and is willing to kill his brother for property. As long as people live under the illusion that they are any less than chattel, foodstuff for the oncoming C.R.C Overlord's dinner plate. As long as we are breeding a massive underclass of workers/soldiers/prisoners for their ongoing Warworld Three. As long as we are living the allegory that Frank Herbert warned about—with a hydraulic resource wasteland battlefield where there will one day be the Radiant City of Tomorrow—there will be the Pig Snout of Capital showing up drunk to take the Bird Footed Bitch Goddess of Babylon to the Prom.

Image: Jason Robert Bell, The Fire Inside, 2009, acrylic, epoxy, metallic pigments, collage, and sand on canvas.

LC: What preparations are you making to enhance the reading and connect with the audience members who will be participating in your performance?

JRB: Every day I awake at dawn without a clock. I go to my roof and both Thor's Stoned Zeus Burns and Anthony "REDRUM" Distcenzaaaaxax come out of the clouds all Zion King and shoot a laser directly into my MindPenis via my Pineapple Gland. Then, it is your standard day in the life of most people: 25 mile run, 1000 handstand push-ups (500 each hand), and a standard doctor allowance of NN-Dimethyltryptamine, all in unison with Binaural music and an hour-long reading of the Book of the Law.

Beyond that, there is no need for preparations. The Thothist travels without tools and uses whatever is on site or they happen upon during the journey, in order to create the Masterpiece. That, and my square-jawed, three-fisted Tejas know-how, charisma, and dreamy bedroom gray eyes do the trick every time.

1. Bell refers to the HALFLIFERS, calling them “The DAFTKNIGHTERS” several times throughout the interview. Furthermore, Torsten Zenas Burns and Anthony Discenza are called Thor's Stoned Zeus Burns and Anthony "REDRUM" Distcenzaaaaxax.

2. C.R.C. stands for Clandestine Reptoid Conspiracy.Jason Robert Bell was interviewed by Leonard Cicero, who is currently a student in the

Museum and Exhibition Studies

program at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

#Iason Ragnar Bellerophon Jason Robert Bell

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