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jinkoh · 8 months ago

Text

If I can't relate to you anymore then who am I related to?

my centerfold

eric x fem!reader

“Is there ever going to be a right time for us?” Eric sounded bitter. He didn’t mean to, but he just didn't know how to hide his feelings about all of this. You tensed up, your fingers almost desperately intertwining themselves with his. “There has to be.”

tags: slow burn, childhood friends to ? to lovers, hurt/comfort, time skips, y/n is 2 yrs older, kinda rlly bad communication but they figure it out, one (1) suggestive scene

warnings: alcohol consumption, implied mental health issues, eric is lowkey not having a good time in this (but things turn out okay!! it will be fine!!)

i tried to stay away from physical descriptions but it does say y/n has smaller hands than eric

wordcount: ~6,7k

a/n: i think i started writing this when hurt me less came out bc it got me in the mood for something angsty and then it somehow turned into a songfic for 'coney island' instead. and ofc it's still angsty bc there is nothing i love more than writing pain :)) anyway i hope you enjoy~

Masterlist

Being seventeen sucked. Because seventeen had Eric sitting in his tree house, by himself, picking apart the old bleached out rug. Seventeen had him eating lunch with his friends, except you'd decided not to be a part of them anymore, sitting with Hyunjae and Juyeon instead. Which, to be fair, made sense because they were in the same grade and Eric wasn’t but that hadn’t stopped you before so why did it now?

Seventeen had him going to the arcade, trying over and over to win that silly plastic ring from the claw machine, as if it could fix anything, as if he still had anyone to give it to. Seventeen had him watching you graduate and it was stupid how pretty you looked in that black robe, as you left him and all your shared memories behind. He wanted to take a picture with you, he'd always naturally assumed you would, but you hadn't spoken in weeks and Eric was too much of a coward to start now. So he watched you from afar, radiant smile on your face as you stood with your family that he knew so well it felt like it was his own. And yet he didn't belong there anymore. And yet, you didn’t want him there anymore.

He rode his bike home after the ceremony, mindlessly throwing it onto the lawn before he climbed up the wooden steps to his tree house. He'd spent so much time here with you that sometimes he forgot it was his and not yours. He remembered you sitting on the patchwork of rugs and carpet squares with him, laughing bright as the sun at some silly joke of his. You're funny, you'd said, wiping away tears from the corners of your eyes, and he'd never liked himself more than in that moment, with you giggling about his antics. Eric wondered if maybe you'd changed your mind and the parts of him you'd thought of as funny before had become annoying and childish. He wasn't that much younger but maybe the age difference had become all you could see, Eric just a kid that wouldn't be able to relate to the things ahead of you. He thought about the way you'd looked at him the last time you'd been up here together. There'd been something in your eyes that Eric had interpreted as love, but then your expression had shifted and you'd left and you hadn’t come back since.

Sitting all alone in the tree house, pointlessly overthinking all your possible reasons, he sort of regretted ever taking you up the brittle ladder. This tree house was supposed to be his safe space, but it felt looming and empty now. Where was he supposed to find comfort, if every possible source of comfort that he knew somehow tied back to you? Maybe he'd shared too much with you, given too much of himself, because now that you were leaving, what was there that you wouldn't take with you? What would be left behind with him, of him, once you were gone? He didn’t want to find out but it wasn’t looking like he had much of a choice.

Nineteen had Eric on top of the world. He’d surprised everyone by staying in town for college while most of his friends—including his best friend Sunwoo—didn’t, but it’d felt like the right thing to do. Of course, his plans used to be different, but the reason behind those plans, being together with you, had disappeared. Maybe it looked sad or pathetic from the outside, staying behind while everyone was leaving, but it didn’t feel that way to Eric. Because for once this had been a decision he’d made just for himself. And it'd proved to be the right one. Eric loved college, he loved his classes and he wasn’t lonely either. He'd never struggled to make new friends, so he’d found his people right on the first day, clicking with them so easily as if he’d known them forever. He’d met his girlfriend that way too and they’d been going strong for three months now. She was bold and bubbly and the type of person who made life feel good and easy. He liked her.

He liked her enough not to think about you anymore, except for the brief moments when he did. But even then it didn’t come with the same burst of emotion as it used to. He’d been so heartbroken back then, and then after the heartbreak there'd been this burning anger about the way you’d never told him why you cut him off. But now all that was left was a sense of bittersweet nostalgia.

The nostalgia overcame him again, when he entered the arcade with his friends. None of them came from this town, so they didn't have any memories about this place. It was just an arcade to them, so it would have been weird to decline when they'd asked Eric if he was up for going. And why would he decline either way? Sure, he hadn’t gone to the arcade in a long time, eventually leaving it behind like so many places he'd associated with you. But he was okay now.

Or maybe he wasn’t, because once inside he naturally found himself in front of the claw machine again. After all this time the silly little plastic ring was still the same, taunting him from the display of prices to be won. He threw in a coin and then another and another.

"What are you trying to win so desperately?" His girlfriend asked with a giggle, as she came up to him from behind.

"Uh, nothing really."

"Nothing?" She tilted her head.

"It's a little stupid," he admitted, "but I've always wanted to get that ring. I never managed, so I can't help but try when I see it."

"That's cute though. I’m rooting for you," she said, giving him a little peck on the cheek. Eric felt guilty, as if he was keeping a secret from her.

"Will you give it to me, if you do win it?"

He hesitated for a moment too long before replying. "Of course. But I doubt I will."

She didn’t take much notice of his faltering and just gave him another peck before she disappeared elsewhere to play a racing game.

Eric got a bunch of key charms that day. Until, suddenly, when he popped open another plastic ball, there wasn’t a key charm inside. He stared at the ring with something akin to confusion. He'd tried so often back then and never succeeded, so a part of him had started to believe it wasn’t actually possible. But here it was, right there in his palm, two years late and looking cheaper up close. In the end it was just a piece of plastic, he supposed. He slipped it into his pocket. When his girlfriend asked later, he told her about the key charms and let her choose one of them before dividing the rest among his friends. The ring stayed hidden in his pocket, a secret heavier than the colorful plastic it was made of.

He turned the ring between his fingers later that night, lying awake with useless thoughts. That day in the arcade, when he’d failed to get the ring for you was when it’d all gone down the drain. You’d hung out at the arcade a lot back then, you and Eric and Sunwoo and Haknyeon and Hyunjae and whoever else had been in the mood. There hadn’t been anything special about that day; you’d joked around like always, teasing him about not winning anything. “Just watch me,” he’d shot back, trying to defend his pride. “Tell me what you want and I’ll win it for you.” “The ring. From the claw machine," you'd replied and to this day Eric didn’t understand why you’d chosen that of all things. He’d agreed though, telling you it was easy; only to get nothing but a bunch of key charms and a necklace. He’d wasted a ton of coins trying to get it for you, even after that day, even after you were no longer speaking. But now that he finally had it, it felt underwhelming. It was tiny, probably meant for children with the way it didn’t even fit his pinky. Then again, your hands were smaller than his. Not that he’d ever gotten to hold them, but he remembered from the way you’d grabbed the front of his T-shirt the very same day. It was stupid that he could still recall such a silly detail. He should be remembering other things instead, like how it’d felt when your lips crashed into his, but the touch had been so brief and so surprising, he had barely registered it had happened at all when you were already pushing him away again. It’d been his first kiss, so he thought he should be remembering it better, but what came to mind was always the moment right before, when you’d looked at him with fondness, and then the moment right after when there’d been terror in your eyes, a look of reproach. As if he’d been the one to cross that line, when really, it was you. You had grabbed his shirt and you had kissed him first. So why was he treated like he'd been the one who’d made the mistake?

And why was it a mistake anyway?

“This is pretty cute too,” you said when you were sitting in his tree house together, holding up the necklace that was sparkling in the light of the evening sun that came in through the window. “Of course it’s not a ring, but yanno, can’t have it all.”

Everyone had gone home, but you’d naturally gone back with Eric. He hadn’t questioned it because you always did that, treating his home like your own. And it wasn’t like he wanted you to leave.

“If you don’t like it, give it back,” he complained with a pout, trying to snatch the necklace from you, but you quickly held it out of reach.

“Nope, never. You already gave it to me, so it’s mine now.” You turned your back to him, pushing your hair to the side and holding the necklace around your neck for him to close. “Help me put it on?”

There shouldn’t have been anything weird or special about this, but Eric’s hands trembled and it took him three attempts to finally get it right.

“Maybe a necklace is better,” you’d said as you turned back around to him, brushing over the little pendant, cheap metal against the skin between your collarbones. “I’m too young to get married and I’m sure there are other people you’d prefer giving rings to anyway.”

He should have made a silly comment now, agreeing that just the thought of marrying you was grossing him out. But it didn’t. It actually sounded pretty good to him.

“No,” he mumbled without making eye contact. “I wouldn’t have minded giving it to you.”

You didn’t reply, and it made him realize that he’d probably fucked up. He shouldn’t have said that. He looked up, searching his brain for a stupid joke to lighten up the mood, but when he met your gaze you looked flustered.

“Really?” your voice was quiet.

“Yeah.”

“Win it for me next time then.”

Eric felt his skin tingle at your words, helplessly trying to figure out if you were fucking with him right now or if all of this meant what he thought it did. “Okay,” he pressed out, because what else was he going to say if the girl he liked asked him for a ring?

For a moment you just looked at him, but then you grabbed his shirt, your fingers wrapping around the fabric to pull him in, and Eric in his surprise almost toppled forward. Except he didn’t because then there were your lips on his that stopped him from falling.

The fall only came after, when you dashed out and completely stopped talking to him.

Twenty-one wasn't what Eric thought it would be. That feeling of being undefeatable that had empowered him at nineteen seemed to be completely used up now. Instead the teenage angst had come back with full force, making him feel more miserable and anxious than ever. Of course he wasn’t actually a teenager anymore, but calling it teenage angst was less frightening than calling it depression and it wasn't like he was seeing anyone about it anyway. As long as he didn’t have a diagnosis he didn’t have an actual problem. It was just a little losing streak, but he'd be back on his game in a bit. He just had a lot to deal with right now, like how college was harder than it'd felt at the beginning. Or how his girlfriend had broken up with him a few months ago and he hadn’t dated since. It was fine though, it was better that way. She deserved better. After all, even now he wasn’t sure if he missed her or if he just missed being with someone. But simply knowing it'd been the right choice didn't take away that looming feeling of loneliness in his bones.

Of course he had friends that cared about him, but they were her friends too and even though they'd separated amicably, he felt awkward and detached. He didn’t know how to open up to them anymore, or maybe he'd never really opened up to them from the start. More often than not he wished that he'd gone to the same college as Sunwoo after all. Surely, he'd be feeling better then. Because despite his teasing and feigned annoyance, Sunwoo was his best friend and the person he relied on the most. Except that felt so much harder to do with distance between them and Eric couldn’t shake off the fear of becoming a burden if he told Sunwoo just how miserable he was feeling. So, he was somehow dealing with it by himself, mostly relying on the hope that it would eventually pass and that maybe he would wake up some day and feel okay again.

Today wasn’t the day though, he realized as he stood at the grocery store without his shopping list and only fragmentary memories of what he’d been meaning to buy. He was ruffling his hair in frustration in the dairy section, trying to remember if milk was needed or not, when he suddenly got pulled out of his thoughts.

“Eric, right?”

When he turned around he found Hyunjae standing in front of him, four years older than the last time he’d seen him and yet unmistakably the same.

“It’s Hyunjae,” he unnecessarily explained with a bright smile when Eric didn’t respond immediately.

“Yeah, of course, I remember.” Eric tried to return his smile, but he felt too conscious of himself, too uncomfortable in his own skin and the hoodie that he hadn’t washed in too long.

“Are you also back for spring break?”

There was no reason to feel embarrassed about it, but somehow Eric felt small when he admitted that he had never left town. He'd never felt ashamed of that a year or two ago.

“Really?” Hyunjae looked surprised, but there was no judgment there at all. “I always thought you’d go to the same school as y/n. The two of you were attached at the hip back then.” He chuckled. “But I guess you had your own plans. Good for you though! Hope life’s been treating you well?”

“Oh, totally,” Eric lied with a smile. “It’s going great. What about you?”

“Yeah, same, but I’m glad it’s spring break now. I’m actually buying some stuff for the weekend,” he nodded towards his cart, loaded with beer and liquor and meat. “Throwing a party since a lot of the guys from school are back right now—,” he interrupted himself for a second. “Actually, you should come. If you’re free on Friday."

“Sure,” Eric nodded, “I’ll stop by if I find the time.” There was no reason to think he wouldn’t, there were no other plans to speak of, but he wanted to keep himself the option of showing up.

“Nice,” Hyunjae grinned. He seemed genuinely pleased about the prospect of Eric coming, but maybe that had more to do with Hyunjae being a nice, sociable guy, rather than how he felt about Eric specifically. Still, it was nice to be invited somewhere.

“I’ll see you on Friday then,” he added, lightly patting Eric on the back before getting back to his cart.

“Yeah,” Eric gave him a small wave. “See you then.”

Eric was convinced he wouldn’t go to the party. He still thought so until Friday evening, when he was chilling on the couch fumbling with a rubix cube and came to the depressing realization that he hadn’t done anything all week and wasn’t going to do anything on the weekend either. The thought of that made him feel miserable and like a stranger to himself. He wasn’t the type of person to stay at home by himself all week, letting spring break pass by without any memories to speak of. He had to think of Hyunjae’s invitation then and he decided to go. After all, if he wanted things to be different, he’d have to do something about it. And he liked going to parties, didn’t he? Maybe he hadn’t been to one in a while but he assumed it was like riding a bicycle, surely he’d be back in his element once he arrived. So, he slipped on some fresh clothes, did his hair, and made his way over to Hyunjae’s, fashionably late of course.

Rather than ringing the bell, he headed straight for the garden, where he heard the sound of music and laughter. The party was in full swing already, the atmosphere light and happy, making it easy to blend in and make small talk here and there. Eric didn’t remember everyone’s names, but he did recognize a bunch of faces and it seemed like almost everyone remembered him to some extent. It was a nice feeling to know he’d left enough of an impression on all these people from school for them to still have positive memories about him. Of course, none of the conversations he had were all that deep and meaningful, but after distancing himself from people for weeks now and constantly worrying about being a burden to those around him, it was a relief to see that people did seem to like having him around.

He was starting to loosen up, feeling lighter and happier than he’d been in weeks. Surely the alcohol was doing its part too, but Eric was convinced it was more than that. The evening felt like a turning point, like the kick of motivation he’d needed to work on getting better again. Maybe he was being a little delusional.

Just when he was about to open another bottle of beer, a voice made him stop in his tracks.

“Eric?”

You hadn’t even been all that loud, but he felt like the noise of the party—the music, the chatter, the laughter—all of it had suddenly diminished to a faint background noise at the call of your voice.

He hadn’t heard it in years, but there was no doubt in his mind it was yours. The time apart could never erase all the time spent together, your voice ingrained in his memory like a melody from his youth.

Eric didn’t turn around immediately. Instead he resumed opening the bottle first, using the brief moment to try and collect himself. It wasn’t really working. He hadn’t expected to meet you here. In hindsight that’d been pretty stupid, but hindsight wasn’t really helping him now.

He swallowed around the lump in his throat before finally turning around to face you. “Y/n.” He didn’t know what face he was making. Was he smiling? He wanted to smile.

“It’s been a while.” You were smiling. It was a little timid, as if you weren’t sure if Eric would want you to talk to him, but it was a smile nevertheless. He was glad somehow, that there didn’t seem to be any hard feelings on your side. A part of him had always feared that you’d come to hate him.

“Yeah.”

“Do you maybe—,” you were fumbling with the pendant of your necklace. It looked expensive, or at least more expensive than the one he’d gotten you from the arcade. He pointlessly wondered if you still had it. “Do you wanna go for a walk? Or something?”

“Sure.” It was an automatic response that came out before he had the chance to consider if he actually wanted to. But when you both set foot onto the pavement and slowly distanced yourselves from Hyunjaes house, Eric thought that he did want to.

It was quiet for a bit so Eric said “Hyunjae invited me,” both to fill the silence and because he thought you could be confused about his attendance at the party.

“Yeah, he told me.”

Somehow Eric felt weird about that. He wasn’t sure if it was the fact that the two of them had talked about him, or the fact that they’d talked at all. “Are you still close?” It was a stupid question. Eric could already guess the answer and he didn’t actually want to hear it. A very uncalled for jealousy crept up in his stomach.

“Yes. I mean, not to that extent—we’re not living in the same city—but we’ve kept in touch.”

“That’s nice,” Eric replied and he wanted to mean it but all he could think was ‘why didn’t you keep in touch with me?’

You turned a corner, entering a playground that was deserted at this hour and Eric followed along, taking the other one when you sat down on one of the swings. He watched as you slowly swayed back and forth, your gaze fixed onto your feet that never left the sand.

“I know it’s late,” you eventually started without looking up, “but I always wanted to apologize.”

It felt weird to hear you apologize. Maybe because in his head Eric has assumed you had moved on from everything quickly, starting your new life in a new place and forgetting all about the boy you’d left behind. It’d made sense to him, because while he’d never gotten the luxury of actual closure, always stuck wondering what he’d done wrong for things to go the way they did, you had known. There were no open ends to take care of, not for you. Or so he’d made himself believe, but here you were, apologizing because apparently you too hadn’t just forgotten everything.

“I was a dick back then,” you added and Eric found himself agreeing. “Yeah.” He thought he saw you flinch at his honesty.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I know it’s not an excuse but I just—I was really scared back then.”

“Scared of what?”

“Everything. Graduation. Change. It all felt so scary to me. And I know it’s scary to everyone, I get that, but back then I felt like I was the only one struggling. Everyone around me seemed all happy and excited and I just felt so scared.”

“I could have been there for you.”

“I know. I knew. But maybe you were one of the reasons I was so scared and I didn’t know how to tell you that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eric turned to you with a frown, but you didn’t look up.

“I was just so scared of losing you.”

“We would have been fine even with the distance. You wouldn’t have lost me.”

“Maybe not.”

“Definitely not,” he insisted.

You stopped swinging, your heels digging into the sand. “It wasn’t just the distance—I mean, of course I was scared of being apart. But at the time even being together felt like I was going to lose you. I just felt different, and I knew I was ruining our friendship but I didn’t know how not to. Or, I don’t know—maybe I thought boycotting things myself would be easier to stomach. It was a mistake, I know that now, but I was stupid back then.”

Eric knew how hard it was for you to tell him all this, he heard it in the way your voice trembled and he saw it in the way your hands clung onto the chains of the swing like your life depended on them. But hearing it wasn’t easy either. You were confirming what he’d somehow already known: kissing him was a mistake to you. It’d been something to boycott your friendship without any deeper meaning, and that stung because it had meant so much to him.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me,” you continued when Eric didn’t say anything, “but I at least wanted to say sorry. I was an idiot.”

A moment went by in silence, and then another. There was nothing aside from the wind rustling in the trees and the slight squeaking of the swings’ hinges. Eric felt tears welling up in his eyes and that sucked because he’d so badly wanted to be okay when he saw you again; he’d wanted to be over it, but now that you were here it all came back to him. He looked up to the dark sky, trying to blink away the tears. It was pathetic that he was crying like this, still hung up on his first love after four years.

“Did you ever actually—,” He started but then interrupted himself. —like me?, was what he wanted to ask but he couldn’t get the words out. It seemed you understood him anyway.

“I did. I liked you, Eric. I know I didn’t act like it, but I really liked you.”

He turned to meet your gaze and he was surprised to see tears in your eyes too. You seemed earnest. “But did you like me like that?” His voice was hoarse and quiet and barely came out at all, but he needed to ask, he needed to finally know.

You looked confused, as if you’d already given all the answers Eric was looking for and he was just too stupid to see. And maybe he was, maybe you’d already said it all, but he had to make sure.

“That’s what scared me so much, Eric,” you whispered. “I didn’t want to destroy our friendship with my silly feelings, but at the same time I wanted—”

“They weren’t silly. If your feelings were silly then mine were silly too.”

Your breathing hitched. “What do you mean?”

“I liked you too,” he admitted because there wasn’t a reason not to, “I always, always liked you.”

With a long sigh you pushed yourself up from the swing, taking a few steps ahead, maybe just to do something. “I really fucked things up, huh?” You turned to look at him, as if you wanted to ask more, but it took you another two turns and a few more uneasy steps to gather the courage. “What about now? Do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you,” Eric got up too, reaching out for your hand to stop your pacing. Your fingers felt cold, maybe from the iron chains of the swings, and he wished he could put them in his pocket to warm them up. “I never once hated you.”

When you looked up now, eyes almost a little teary, he realized how close you were. If he just leaned in a little he could have kissed you. He didn’t get to though, because you leaned in first, your lips brushing his in a careful, feather light touch before you pulled away again, a question in your eyes. His gaze followed your lips, chasing the kiss, and that was enough for you to lean in again. This time I need to remember, he thought to himself as he reached up to cup your jaw and pull you in. This time I have to remember every little thing about it.

Having you back in his room after all this time felt strange and having you in his bed felt even stranger. Eric remembered the days spent sitting on his race car sheets that he would have been too embarrassed to show anyone else, but it was fine if it was you, because you wouldn’t tell anyone. He remembered the laughing and the play fighting and all the dreams and plans you’d talked about while staring at his ceiling with the little sky of glow-in-the-dark stars looking back at you. The stars weren’t there anymore, nor were the race cars. But most importantly, rather than sitting next to him, you were straddling his hips, your eyes dark and beautiful in the halflight of the room. You leaned down to kiss him and your hair felt ticklish where it brushed his skin. It was a slow and sweet kiss, your fingers gently carding through his locks. But you steadily became more greedy, slipping your tongue into his mouth as you drew him in. He didn’t mind at all, feeling that same sense of hunger burning under his skin. When you ground your hips into him, he let out a groan, muffled only by your lips on his own. Almost automatically he grabbed onto your waist, pulling your body even closer to his own because it never felt close enough. He broke away from your lips, his mouth moving to your neck instead, leaving a trail of bites and kisses in its wake. You tilted your head to give him more access as you continuously rolled your hips into his, chasing that sweet sweet friction. His hands slipped beneath your shirt and he loved the feeling of your warm skin right beneath his fingertips as he explored your body. When his hands traveled down to the waistband of your jeans, tugging at the fabric in a question, he felt you jolt in his lap, stopping your movements as if you’d woken up from a trance.

“Wait,” you whispered with a breathy voice, your hand coming to rest on his.

“You don’t want to?” He asked, searching your eyes for answers. Of course he wanted to, but it wasn’t like he’d be upset if you didn’t. Anything was fine with him, really, as long as you didn’t disappear from his side again.

“It’s not that.” You took a deep breath and Eric immediately felt a sense of dread bubble up in his stomach.

“But?”

“Eric, I’m flying back in three days.”

His grip on you instinctively tightened, as if that could somehow make you stay. Of course he’d somehow known that you would have to go back to your life that very clearly wasn’t taking place in this town, or room, or bed. But he’d chosen to ignore that knowledge, pushing it to the far back of his mind because he didn’t want to think about it. What use was there thinking about it anyway? He couldn’t change it.

“Yeah,” he whispered, letting his head drop onto your shoulder and wrapping his arms around you in a hug.. “But can’t we have this? At least for now?”

“If we indulge ourselves now, won’t it hurt more to part ways?”

“I don’t know. I think it hurt plenty last time.” He didn’t want to sound bitter or like he was holding a grudge, because he wasn’t. But it almost seemed like history was repeating itself. Why did you always kiss and run? What was it about him that you didn’t want to stay?

He felt your arms coming around his back, your hands drawing slow patterns. “You’re right, it hurt plenty,” you admitted and your voice seemed to tremble, “I just don’t know what to do. It’s like we’ll always get hurt, no matter which route we take.”

Eric raised his head to look at you and he felt his heart ache when he saw tears running down your cheeks. “Maybe. But if we get hurt anyway, shouldn’t we at least make the most of being together now?”

“Okay,” you whispered, resting your forehead against his.

He smiled, reaching up to wipe away your tears. “Okay,” he repeated. And then you kissed, again and again, until the sweet comfort of your touch drowned out the heartache that was haunting both of you.

For two days, you lived in your own little world, shut away from the reality that waited outside of Eric’s room and just indulging in the way it felt to be together. Of course you both knew it wasn’t going to last, it was a mock reality, a simulation of what could be under different circumstances. But Eric had given that enough thought already. At least for a bit he didn’t want to worry about that and just get a taste of that happiness, even if he had to return it eventually. You seemed to feel the same or at least that’s what Eric wanted to believe when you let him snuggle closer in the morning, giggling at the way he buried his face in the crook of your neck, his breath ticklish on your bare skin. He smiled to himself, his chest brimming with happiness as he mindlessly started playing with your hand. You had pretty hands, he thought. He traced your fingers, one by one until he reached your ring finger. His delusional mind wondered, what it’d look like if you wore a ring. Preferably one that he’d gotten for you. Which reminded him—he did get one for you. It was way late, but it was neatly sitting in his nightstand.

“Y/n,” he started in a soft voice because the morning was too quiet to speak any louder, “Sorry for not winning you an arcade ring back then.”

“You still remember that?”

“Of course I do. You know, I sometimes thought maybe things would have been different if I had won that ring for you.” It was supposed to be an introduction, leading up to the big reveal that he’d finally gotten that ring. That was romantic wasn’t it? But when he was about to sit up to reach for the drawer of his nightstand, you shot him down with your words.

“We would have gone down in flames either way. A plastic ring couldn’t have made a difference.”

“Right,” he whispered and his voice sounded choked up.

“Eric—”

“No, you’re right. It’s just a stupid ring. Who would be hung up on it all this time?” Who, aside from him, of course.

“It’s not that, Eric. It wasn’t stupid—but what I’m trying to say is it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong and it wasn’t because you didn’t win the ring for me. It just wasn’t the right time for us.”

“There has to be,” you whispered and he heard the tears in your voice. He squeezed your hand, a silent comfort because he didn’t know what else to do or say. Nothing could stop you from leaving tomorrow. Nothing could change the circumstances you found yourselves in.

You’d told him that he didn’t have to drive you to the airport, but he’d insisted. If he already couldn’t keep you he at least wanted to be with you for as long as possible. You arrived early, so you sat in one of the waiting areas for a bit, hands intertwined and a heavy silence hanging above you. It was hard to make conversation, because everything either of you could possibly say seemed so meaningless in the face of having to part. When it was finally time for you to head to the gate, Eric accompanied you as far as he could. You hugged for an eternity before reluctantly pulling away and it still seemed to be too short. Both of you had been crying on and off ever since you’d arrived at the airport, and there shouldn’t be any tears left at this point, but somehow there still were new ones coming anyway.

“I should really go now.”

“Yeah,” Eric nodded, but his fingers still held onto yours for a second longer, the thought of letting go painful, “I know.”

“It will be okay,” you whispered as you turned to leave and Eric wondered if you were telling him or yourself, “there will be a time for us.”

What bullshit, he thought to himself, watching you walk off. Why should you have to wait for a right time, after you’d already waited so long? The small plastic ball that he’d taken out of his nightstand and slipped into his pocket for god knows what reason felt impossibly heavy. He didn’t want to wait anymore.

“There won’t be,” he blurted out without thinking, “There won’t be a right time.”

You halted in your movements, slowly turning back around looking utterly heartbroken. “But can’t we hope?”

With a few steps he closed the distance between you again. “There will never be a right time for us. Because there is no such thing. Aren’t we the ones who should decide what time is right? I am tired of all this uncertainty. I don’t want to see you go without knowing if we’ll talk again. I know it isn’t easy to make things work long distance, but shouldn’t we at least try? Didn’t we spend enough time with regrets?”

“But how—how could I possibly ask that of you? After everything I’ve done, shouldn’t I make things easy for you now? How can I ask you to try something that seems to be doomed to fall apart?”

“Then what if I’m the one who’s asking you?” He pulled out the plastic capsule from his pocket, holding it out to you with shaking hands. “What if I’m the one who’s asking to try?”

You stared at it for a moment, clearly flabbergasted. “Is that—?”

“Yeah,” he opened it to show you the tiny little arcade ring, and it made a new wave of tears roll down your cheeks.

“You got it? For me?”

“A while ago. I know you said it wouldn’t change anything, it’s just plastic after all but—”

“You really went back to win it for me?” You were straight up sobbing now, but there was a smile in your eyes.

“Well, I said I would.”

“I love it,” you pressed out through tears, “I love you.”

“Yeah,” he smiled back, trying his best and failing not to cry too. He’d wondered many times if he should just throw the ring away and move on. And maybe he should have, but right now, at this moment, he was glad he didn’t. “I love you too.”

Twenty-three was fine, he supposed. And for the most part it was. He felt too young to be finishing college and there was all that fear about what was to come after; the prospect of job interviews scary, the prospect of maybe not even getting invited infinitely scarier. But it wasn’t as frightening as it could have been, maybe because he'd been seeing a therapist for a while now. Or maybe because he wasn’t feeling so alone now. Despite not living in the same town anymore he had a lot of contact with his friends these days, both from college and high school. Actually Sunwoo had even come over to help with his move. Your move, to be more precise. You’d moved in together just a few weeks ago, after his classes had ended for good. It was a cozy little flat close to your workplace that you'd picked together, and Eric had never loved coming home more than he did now. There was nothing better than knowing you’d be there and even at the times you weren’t, he still found you in every inch of your shared apartment, from the potted plant in the kitchen that you insisted wasn’t dead yet, to your forgotten sock between the sofa cushions.

You also actually wore that tiny little arcade ring (on your pinky, because it didn't fit anywhere else). He’d told you a zillion times you didn’t have to wear it, but it gave him butterflies that you did. He promised himself that once he’d found a job he would save up for a proper ring, one that you wouldn’t have to wear on your pinky. The thought made him giddy and excited for the future, overshadowing all the scary parts. Yeah, twenty-three was definitely fine.

Masterlist

#eric x reader #the boyz x reader #tbz x reader #eric sohn x reader #the boyz fanfic #tbz eric x reader #the boyz oneshot #the boyz imagines #the boyz scenarios #tbz youngjae x reader #the boyz fluff #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kebbis.writing

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daedalusdavinci · 2 years ago

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MY Davekat Fic Recs

i read everythign in the davekat tag a couple years back. yeah. everything. the whole bitch. it was a couple of years ago, so that might date this post, but heres a bunch of fics that i thought were so good i put a little note on them in my bookmarks about how hard they went

>Dave: survive three years on this rock

by MadSeason

Growing up on a flying meteor is hard work. You know this from experience. TG: dude what is this piece of shit you just sent me CG: TO PUT IT IN YOUR HUMAN TERMS: CG: IT’S A FUCKING LOVE STORY, DAVE. Well, it's a bit more than that.

this is a meteor fic, and youve read any davekat fics, thats a summary in of itself. however, from what i remember, this particular meteor fic goes really hard bc it does such a good job of building dave and karkats relationships with the other meteor residents and it leans hard into dave and roses friendship which is so important to me, bc guys they are BEST friends and theyre just so ; ; its just important ok. also according to the note i left for myself on this fic it made me cry a lot so thats always good

catch me, keep me

by CurlicueCal (@curlicuecal on tumblr)

Dave drops by the twinkle vermin class transport-ship Calliope to visit Captain Crocker and her crew. He engages Jake for some repair work, bugs his brothers of the corporeal and non-corporeal varieties, and stops in to harass chat with Karkat. Absolutely no flirting ensues.

frankly everything curlicuecal writes goes hard as fuck, so write that one down. read everything. they never miss. they are SO good at handling side characters and dealing w the complexities of homestuck characters, never shying away from the things that make them miserable little assholes. their fics are always so fun + funny and this is a really good one

just two guys being dudes being moirails and smooching a little

by MisPronounce_and_MisAccent

DAVE: yeah id be down DAVE: just two guys being dudes being moirails and smooching a little im not opposed DAVE: if youre cool with that A few options flit across your mind. The first is picking up the couch cushion next to you and screaming into it for a solid minute. The next is just screaming, sans-pillow. The third is, of course, throwing in the towel and flinging yourself off the meteor, because it is abundantly fucking apparent that you possess an inherent incapability to maintain any simple, good relationship without getting your feelings in a bullshit fucking twist. You decide to do none of this.

if you are like me and you really really love fics where they blur the lines between romantic and platonic and flushed and pale, this is the one. this is the fic.

Car Accident Blues

by ode

Dave Strider is good at looking fly, but he sure isn't good at not getting run over!

fuck i remember this one actually. its really short but its SO fucking funny

midnight soliloquy

by apocalypticTaco

If you had the time, you could wax poetic about every inch of him. Well, it’s past midnight. You could spare a few minutes to wax. If someone asked you what was it specifically about Karkat that you fall head over heels over, you honestly could not tell. It's everything.

its short and sweet, really cute fluffpiece. i CANNOT remember this users tumblr un anymore but they were huge in the davekat fandom for a while and they have a really good grasp on dave and karkat as characters which makes all of their davekat fics hit hard. highly recommend checking out their whole page rlly

We've Got Time

by acedavestrider (@acedavestrider on tumblr i think)

He’s very pointedly trying not to smile, trying not to give you the satisfaction of knowing you made him smile, but his eyes completely give him away. They’re far too fond to give any sort of impression other than absolutely smitten, regardless of how hard he’s trying to seem annoyed, and the way he blinks at you - quickly like he’s trying to clear his vision, like he’s trying to figure out if you’re real or if he’s imagining you - is enough to make your heart swoop in your chest.

another REALLY cute sweet one. honestly i think this is one of my favorite davekat fics ever. acedavestrider writes some of the best davekat in general and you should 100% read all of their stuff, because it ALL goes this hard. ofc anyone w a un this good is bound to have a good grasp on the characters so like what more do you even need me to say

Fait Accompli(cation)

by IntelligentAirhead (@dragonomatopoeia on tumblr, but im p sure it was cowritten w someone else? dunno theirs)

In Which a Mutant and an Alien Meander Towards a Quadrant of Indeterminate Identity at a Glacial Pace While Examining the Internalized Toxicity Perpetuated by Their Respective Societies, and The Nature of Friendship is Determined to Be More Universal Than Originally Theorized [Banned In Alternia]

this IS the best davekat fanfiction. this is the one. ive read it multiple times and its good each time. im just going to copy my notes straight from ao3 on this one, i think theyre from a second reread some time after the first

"ok this does slap. this slaps super hard. its a meteorstuck fic wherein karkat and dave both have to question toxic ideas theyve internalized from their own planets and eventually fall in love and get together. no one is delegated to rosemary therapist, all of the charas are beautiful and just as important, and the characterization is so flawless it couldve been written by hussie himself. this TOTALLY holds up, holy shit

"#literally the most beautiful piece of prose known to man"

The Eurydice Suite, v2.0

by callmearcturus (@callmearcturus on tumblr)

Dream-sharing: a highly illegal little industry in which agents delve into people's dreams, and unearth their deepest secrets and memories. Within this business, the Strider-Lalondes are known as the best there is — until Dirk Strider gets his fool-ass trapped within the confines of his own subconscious, with his Auto-Responder playing malicious prison warden. To save him, the best and brightest dreamers in the world will have to form a team. Backed by the token rich friend, lead by the surliest extractor ever bribed out of retirement, haunted by the shade of the latest, greatest agent in the biz, and on the run through a dangerous tiered dream in a hostile mind... It's going to take a miracle to pull this one off.

ive read this one so many times and honestly its still really good. the writing style is fantastic and i have spent many a year trying to capture the same beautiful atmosphere arc does. its a really creative au with really cool ideas about classpects and the characterization in this fic is awesome

Crash Standing

by Asuka Kureru (@asukaskerian on tumblr)

It's been eight days since the end of Sburb and Davesprite is not coping especially well.

ive already listed my favorite davekat fic, but THIS is my favorite homestuck fic period of all time ever the end. this is the best one. this is the ONLY one, as far as im concerned. you dont want to know how many times ive reread this fic ok. i love davesprite/karkat way more than i love dave/karkat (bc you know me w my doomed characters) and the way this author handles the interpersonal relationships between not just karkat and ds but also like ds and all of the OTHER characters is SO. GOOD. davesprite and kanayas relationship in particular lives in my brain rent free at all fucking times oh my god they are so perfect. shes so perfect. i love kanaya so much in this. oh my god and JOHN. the senor strider thing is so fucking funny sldkjfnsdf just. AUGH. its such a good fic just trust me ok just trust me

there are probably more i could recommend but its been so long since i read them im just going to stick to these bc like. man. i do NOT remember some of the bookmarks ive got in there anymore. ask me again when i finally snap and reread homestuck

#davekat #my recs #homestuck fanfiction #homestuck fanfic

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mikareo · 1 year ago

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“ ࣭⸰ ★ post of gratitude ! <3

⊹ ⠀⠀ hi guys! on my old blog, i'd make a post every november to spread gratitude for the mutuals i interact w most n wanted to carry that tradition onto this blog! ily all and hope that your day was wonderful today (unless ur a nanami stan bc that was rlly rough im so sorry abt that ep ajskl)

psa; if u weren't tagged in this post, pls know that i appreciate u very much and would love to interact w u more!! msg me anytime n i'll try my best to visit ur inbox in the near future!

꒰ . . to my readers ꒱

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ thank u so much for supporting my work by reading, liking, sharing, or commenting on any of my writing! i love reading through reblogs and seeing what u guys think of my ideas,, it's so motivating n i appreciate it so much like omg sometimes u got my kickin my feet reading thru ur comments ajskl i hope to post quality content for ur enjoyment n i luv u all,, much more to come as time goes on !!!

꒰ . . to my mutuals ꒱ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ᯇ in alphabetical order

⌗ @chigirizzz ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ hi val! just wanted to say that i love how supportive u are of other creators on the site,, i feel like whenever i see u on the dash ur always hyping someone up or making their day brighter! ALSO i cant believe u also know the voltage otome games bc i feel like i'm crazy sometimes bc no one know what they are LMFAO i hope u had an amazing day !!!

⌗ @doobea ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ dooby!!! i love the bright energy u bring to my dash n i think ur absolutely gorgeous (u ate that choso costume up omg ajskdlf) ur always such a pleasure to interact w n i think ur writing is amazing,, i rlly need to just binge it all one night ESP the choso fics u post bc ur writing rlly captures how much u love him LOL my fav choso worshipper <3 hope yall get married!

⌗ @hesthermay ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ hi pookie teehee,, i haven't answered ur text yet bc i was trying to figure out how to fry chicken (3 of them were raw ajsklf) but i will after i post this lol. ilyvm and i can't wait for u to stay w me,, i'm gonna take u to the mall n treat u to some canes chicken fingers *heart eyes* (i'm typing on my laptop forgive me) you've been w me since my org blog from sept 2020 n i act can't believe how long we've known each other now (3 years!) ur so old like ur my granny but that's ok bc ur my favorite granny ever,, sorry for violating u #ageism is not okay,, i miss u so much n i miss ur bf bc ur my mom n dad (legally) i even miss ur roommate who i actually can't rlly remember the name of but that's not the point i'm trying to make so forget i said that part,, i definitely know his name!!! also i decided that kingsley is my favorite dog u have bc he's tiny n reminds me of my doggie,, luv ya! text u in a bit!

⌗ @itadorey ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ omg hi inez, remember these? no u probably don't bc i got rlly lazy w my blog in the late days (rip aitarose) i love all of the tiktoks u send me n i love ur instagram stories bc they make me laugh n i love how much u love snoopy,, he's literally my idol n there are so many statues of him in my city it's so funny n they always make me think of u. ur my yung gravy queen,, i love u so much n i'm so glad hq tumblr let me meet u even tho it was lowkey traumatizing (yikes) our mudae days were so fun,, esp the night i let that person put the roleplay bot into my server jkals so grateful for u !!!

⌗ @kitorin ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ hiiii souta!!!! i just wanted to say that i LOVE seeing u comment first on my writing posts,, like it motivates me so much bc i know i have such a large support system coming from u n ur so sweet n talented AJSJJJ u were (i think?) my first new mutual on this blog when i first made it,, n you've made coming back to tumblr such a welcoming n amazing experience! i'm so grateful to be ur mutual n i hope you've had an absolutely amazing day!

⌗ @mymegumi ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ firstly BITCH ANSWER MY TEXT. secondly, happy thanksgiving! <3 wish we were spending it together but distance is real n it hates us :( miss u and can't wait to see u whenever that is lmfao like whenever plane tickets decide to stop being so expensive,, so glad we aren't beefing anymore haha that was so silly of us... anyways... whenever i do see u, i'm going to give u a big hug n then we're going to gossip abt everything that's happened since we were last together n it's going to be great bc i'm going to make u watch twice videos n ur gonna love them as much as i do bc i'm ur sister n u have no choice but to love what i love! hahaha... i love you so much n i'm so glad ur my sister #meimei n jiajia 4ever <- that's actually approved by me n that's all that matters bc i'm actually the president of the world and ur my favorite person on it jaklsdf ANSWER MY TEXT BITCH

⌗ @pokkomi ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ chiu u r genuinely one of the most positive ppl i've ever met on tumblr n i love u sm for it like jaskdlfjdkl u always make my day when u reblog a post n reading ur tags is so heartwarming n it makes me want to write a million more pieces just to see what u think of them,, ur theme is absolutely adorable n i love ur alpha wolf pfp bc it's so funny n i was literally giggling when u were answering asks abt it n i saw them on my dash,, i hope that every day is an amazing day for u n if u ever need anything u can come in my pms to chat or my inbox (i will def be saying hi later in urs LOL) have an amazing amazing day n i can't wait for u to post any kind of writing in the future!

⌗ @rewh0re ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ hi hana!!! i'm so glad u popped into my inbox n said hi bc i always saw u interacting w ppl on the dash n i was too nervous to say hi jakfsdlkl i love interacting w u n talking abt whatever n whenever in inboxes or replies,, ur username always makes me giggle n i love it so much (i always read it as 'reo whore' for some reason asjfdkl but i love it) i send ur kuroo fics to my kuroo stan friend n she eats them up,, ur writing style is so beautiful n emotional,, i love the way u structure ur plots w metaphors n repetition n symbolism n everything u put into ur hard work it's all so amazing,, wishing u the very best day tmr ever!

⌗ @wishmemel ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAFI!!!! ik i alr said it but it never hurts to hear a million times n more! i associate u sm w sanrio like idk if mymelo is ur favorite but in my head u r the real life her ajsfkl,, ur so sweet n genuine i love interacting w u n seeing u all over my dash,, I HOPE UR BIRTHDAY WAS AMAZING !!!! ... fixing this bc im screaming bc i can't believe i mixed that up omg... anyways... LUV U

⌗ @yoisami ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ OKAY FIRST i literally LOVE ur theme like it's so cute n so fitting to ur personality i love it sm ajsfkdl saki ur so sweet n i'm so glad we're mutuals bc i always look forwards to seeing u on my dash or going to ur inbox (which i'm lacking on rn but i promise i'll visit it more soon jaskdl!!!!) the way u support ff writing on tumblr is so amazing w ur reblogs n tags,, n i look foward to reading more of ur writing in the future (hopefully i can live up to ur sweet tags!) !!! have an amazing amazing day saki !!!!!!

⌗ @y2kuromi ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ screaming bc i got ur bday mixed up w another mutual but HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN LMFAO !!!! i hope that ur day was so amazing n that i'm not getting this wrong again (SORRY SAFI) !!! mimi ur so nice i'm like giggling so hard rn im so sorry,, happy happy birthday hope it was amazing!

⌗ all of my other loves <3 ₊ ˖ ་.

⋆⋆⋆⠀ ⠀ i love being mutuals w all of u n being a part of such a supportive writing community! ur all so talented n ur blogs r beautiful, i hope ur day was absolutely amazing n that we can interact more in the future (i will be invading ur inboxes that's a promise ajfskdl) !!!! happy november!!!

#<3 gratitude #it’s so crazy posting this at 20 #i was 17 when i started this tradition 😭😭#IM SO OLD #ILY GUYS !!!

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saetoshis · 2 years ago

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CLOSING OUT THE YEAR!

[‹ A MUTUAL APPRECIATION POST ›]

[‹ ABOUT ›] i started this new blog in around september, and we already have over 1k followers and sooo many lovely mutuals from not only this account but my past one! and i adore you all SO MUCH, this is just me spewing my love and thoughts into one giant post 🤗 // if i forgot you PLEASE let me know and i'll add you :') i have soo many mutuals i need to keep track sobs!

[‹ EXTRAS ›] if you can, listen to the song! i just think it rlly ties into how i feel from a musical standpoint sob! im a music nerd excuse me ahksla

@kavehtion

MY SWEET VLYNN ! i not only adore your writing but also your formatting, it's so pleasing to the eye :') i find your energy soothing and bright - your confidence radiates to me and i always absolutely adore seeing you on dash! we don't interact too much but i hope we can more in the future :)

@heartnagi

LOLA LOLA LOLA BABY ! you've been here since diaphanoso snifle i adore you sooo much ! everything you post i go "that's so real" in my head, i adore your creativity and you have such a strong sense of morals which i admire :') i'm soo glad to have gotten close to u ! let's keep thirsting over aether and each other more next year ehehe

@zorotits

LINAAA even tho we are new moots i literally love ur energy on dash.. it's kinda bright and chaotic and SOO funny ! your theme actually makes me wanna take a bite out of ur acc if that makes sense jaksdla BUT i legit adore your energy (esp in tags omfg they make me die) and hope we can interact n thirst sooo much more next year :)

@touyyes

BAKI OMGFGKJF baki i stg. you make me LOSE MY MIND every time you post.. it's either making me choke from laughing so hard or actually dying from the MM M MM OH SO YUMMY thirsts ! you had me at toji n i was like i have to follow RN. BUT STOP i adore ur energy it's like bright chaos it makes me feel SOOO FULL OF GOOD ENERGY :) let's thirst over toji in jjk s2 next year :P

@dilu3

MY SWEET LALAA ! your fics literally bring me to my KNEESSS i adore the way you write especially bachira, n you're always putting me on to new chars and animes like hellsing :') i love your creativity and how you're always thinking of creative blog names n themes i adore them all !! gimme even more chars to thirst over in 2023 :)

@510hz

ARES i dont think u understand how much i adore seeing u on dash like. even the controversial posts i'm like "stop thats so real" like everything u say i agree with. the energy is like.. chaotic chill I LOVE IT it feeds my soul :') i cant wait for more moshares interactions n maybe irl eheheheh :)

@hystix

cadie dont get me started. HALAHAKAKA i literally love u like i am in love w you :') you're my bright lil light on dash n i swear when i see u in notifs im like "I CAUGHT U !" you're such a like.. precious soul to me i just wanna hug u snifle !! you remind me of warm hugs yesyes that is ur energy to me!! my sweet cadie snifle I MUST SEE U MORE ON GENSHIN N DASH NEXT YEAR :)

@tinie

ARLO ! SOGLO ! BUNLO ! omgongog you might not know but i swear u have an influence on me ! your energy is so like .. calm but attractive if that makes sense snifle ! the 'nodnodnod' n use of 'soggy' has captured me i swear ! now im always saying soggy ! but i rlly love seeing u on dash n ur like.. my biggest scara association if that makes sense ! i wanna see evennn more scarlomouche all 2023 :')

@nymphoheretic

MY BABY MY WIFE my BEAAAUTIFUL WIFE ! nymph / kk / kirei my absolute babe. my beloved since diaphanoso .. my biggest kyo n gyo n tengen thirst partner ehehe ! your energy is like omgog warm and chaotic I ADORE U ! every time i rewatch kny n see kyo im like 'yeah that's my wife's man' ehehekekej I HOPE TO THIRST OVER KNY EVENNN MORE WITH U ! one day ill finish bleach n catch up to all ur faves :)

@blueparadis

PARADIS ! omgomg i swear we haven't interacted much sobs BUT I WANNA MORE ! you give me suuuch calm sweet energy on dash :') I ALWAYS ADOREEE your formatting your brain is just like WHOAA so special so creative ! i can't wait to see more pretty colors on dash from u ehehe AND HOPEFULLY EVEN MORE INTERACTIONS IN 2023 !

@kunizk

ZENNN ZENZEN ! omg we rlly have not interacted much but stop. i adore ur navi SO MUCH I WANNA EAT IT ? like does that make sense? prob not BUTASLASAL STOP STOPP. i love ur interactions w toji's rp blog i love seeing just like. no shits given layin everything out ahaklaa BUT ! i hope to see more feral shit on dash from u AND MORE INTERACTIONS TOGETHER NEXT YEAR :)

@nymphoheratic

KATTAKSDHKAL KAT MY BABY ! my lil genshin buddy snifle ! i not only adore ur writing but i just ADORE U ! you're my lil kit kat sob :') i hope tumblr fkn unflags u someday HAKAKA it is ridiculous how much i miss u here ! but im glad i have u on genshin n hopefully we can share more lil leaks n show off tcg n showcases to each other next year ehehkeeke !

@babiefwuit

my love my light my literal best friend :') I SRSLY DONT KNOW WHAT ID DO WITHOUT YOU TO TALK TO :(:(((:(:(( nana bun HAKDAL grammy bun i miss u SOOO BAD ! WE NEED TO CATCH UP RN. like HOP ON DISC RN ! i am kissing u my sweet, soulful-energied baby! i could cry ! ahdkalsda BUT LETS MEET UP AGAIN N THIRST OVER GYOMEI AGAIN IN 2023 !

@itoshi-s

OMFGHKLASDKLAAAA ZARI STOP. bro it's been like 2 days of being mutuals but STOP I LOVE SEEING U ON DASH I LOSE MY MIND ! your energy omfg. it's irreplaceable i stg ! the feral thirsts, the thoughts u put in my tinie head ! ill go insane one day I SWEAR ADKASL im gonna bite u 24/7 in 2023 :')

@boyfrwenz

JEM MY SWEET THING ! you are my biggest daichi association ever ! every time i see anything haikyuu/daichi related im like STOP I WONDER IF JEM HAS SEEN THIS OMG ! you have like calm chaotic but also bright energy snifle ! i hope to see more daichi fics n interactions in 2023 :))

@ohsatori

omg HALEYYEHKALDSA stop stop ! i adore how you write not only tendou but all characters snifle ! your theme caught my eye so hard n im sooo glad i clicked follow sob ! you are such a sweet, bright soul on dash to me !! you also put me on SOO much good haikyuu art i adore it :') i cannot WAIT for more tendou fics n art n interactions next year :P

@haruchiyos

azrael my beloved my pretty thing ! u get me like u just GET ME yk? i feel like we're aligned or smth ! every time i interact with you im just thinking "mm m mm azrael gets it!" I MISS SEEING U ON DASH I NEED MORE AZRAEL THOUGHTS ! im yelling at yukimiya to give u sum kisses for the new year :P

@tinymaru

REINEAKJSDKLA reine my baby. I SWEAR U DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH RESPECT N ADMIRATION I HAVE FOR UR TALENT ! you're such a sweet soul too i can't help but smile when i see "MOSHI" randomly in my disc notifs asdklalad !! you have such a gifted, creative, beautiful mind to me ! i cannot wait for more art n selfship drawings n silly lil dms in 2023 :)

@sailewhoremoon

SOSAAAA every time i see u on dash legit love sosa plays in my head ! your energy omfg it cannot be replicated. it's SOOOO GOOD and the way u reblog asks n check up on ur moots is SOO SWEET ILL CRY ! youre the sweetest brightest lil light on this app :') I NEED MORE FERAL UNCENSORED SOSA THOUGHTS ASAP ! i hope to see evennn more next year eheeheke

@dearbraus

FAWN FAWN FAWN BABY ! i adore ur acc sm omfgklf i also LOVE that u post abt lesbian culture n ur lil thoughts on genshin women esp lisa ! you're such a strong presence n it's sooo like... energetically warm to me !! i just adore seeing ur reblogs n thoughts spewed out on dash ! i hope we can interact EVEN MORE IN 2023 ! kisskiss to u :)

@thetempleofnyx

omg jen ASKALLAAAA my baby my baby omg ! my sweet thing i treasure you SO MUCH ! your feral unhinged uncensored thoughts on dash r sooo sooo contagious i stg ! every time i see u horny post im like oh. OH OHHH oh. OHH yeah oh right oh! HAKHSA but i srsly love ur sweet n caring energy you are one of the just most.. precious people ive met here ! i hope for more thirsts n interactions n LOVE with you next year !

@eremikan

MARI. i see like everything u put out on dash n i think to myself "thats so real" like ur brain is sooo intriguing to me.. IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT ! you have like neutral chaotic energy and im always like "i wanna peek in ur brain even more" ! but i will legit NEVER forget that satosugu fic you wrote where getou was gone and it was reader + satoru and getou like came to them in a dream sorta situation?? OMG THAT FIC CHANGED MY LIFE it was my first time reading an angsty fic ahdkala but i LOVED IT ! but anyways that was long omgomg i cant wait to see more peeks of ur brain this next year :P

@festive

VIVA VIVAAAA your energy on dash actually makes me smileomgomg i think to myself "viva n cyno" all the time like u are sooo associated with him in my brain ! i love love LOVE your writing style sm, n the cyno content is TOP tier to me ! youre so funny your energy is just so bright to me ! but i hope to see even moreee viva n cyno next year n hopefully even more interactions ! :)

@sugies

MY BABY JUJU ! omgomg every time i see jjk or getou art im like "WAIT HAS JUJU SEEN THIS?" you're like the sweetest lil bean to me ! i adoreeee adore you n MISS U ! WE NEED TO GET BACK INTO JJK ANALYSIS AGAIN ! i miss talking abt the chapters w you ! i am giving u a warm squishy hug rn cuz i miss u soooo much ! i hope for more jjk/getou brainrot n thirsts in 2023 :)

@rczc

ZEHR MY LOVE MY LIGHT MY BABY ! i miss you SOOO MUCH STOP ! you are the fkn funniest person on this app i am SOO SERIOUS ! your energy is so warm and chaotic and the feral unhinged tags FEED MY SOUL ! you make me choke from laughing so hard i will cry ! i miss u zehr bear ! i am hugging u virtually :)

@milkyybuns

OMGOGM DAE ! my tengen brainrot buddie ehehehe every time i see itto or tengen art/fics im like stop it rn where is dae ! im falling back into my tengen phase again so expect a lot in ur inbox ehehhe ... you have such sweet energy on dash like seeing u in my inbox makes me SMILE SO HARD ! i adore u baby n i hope for amazing things AND SOME MORE TENNIE BRAINROT NEXT YEAR !

@sugr

KELS KELS ! u feed me soooo well with the jjk art reblogs n haikyuu / jjk fics ! i will die adkasladh you have calm n bright energy to me ! i associate u sooo hard with yuuji (prob from the prev. username hehe) ! but you remind me of the feeling of hot coffee on a cold day if that makes sense.. like soothing n cozy :') I CANT WAIT FOR MORE FICS N INTERACTIONS THIS NEXT YEAR ! kisskiss for u kels !

@munsonsins

ABBYYADHJADKAD stop i miss u so much ! even tho i dont know shit about marvel or that stuff?? i will always read anything u write cuz i ADOREEE IT SM ! whenever i see u pop into my inbox w a lil meme i smile soo hard eeek ! i hope school is treating u well n ur doing AMAZING ! n if not i hope that next year brings u the amazing vibes that you deserve :) i love u abby ehekeke

@ghxstic

NYMPH NYMPH my kny food distributor ehehekee i stg my fav muzan fic is that muzan + koku fic u wrote from WAAAY back when ! i miss u sosososo much ! i hope life is treating u well ! i miss interacting so bad ahakalaa !! im giving u 365 kisses so every day of next year is a good one :)

@pcwer

bruh omg xel i literally think u are the funniest person i have ever met in my entire life HAKAKAKAAA like. i genuinely lose my shit every time u post ESP ABT KISHIBE ILL DIE RN THINKING ABT IT ! but you have such warm n happy energy it makes my soul feel soooo full ! i cant wait for more WEIRD kishibe thoughts n yummy thirsts next year :P

@r-oronoa

OMGOMG APOLLO my baby pollo ! i am sooo glad to have u as a mutual stop omgog ! you have like omg. the most precious energy ive ever felt thru a screen HASKDAAA you're so warm and inviting and bright it makes me feel right at home !! your fics are so amazing and the way u push out content is so admirable ! i adore u and i hope for even moreee interactions in 2023 :')

@suyacho

SNOW OMFAKSDJKALAAA you and xel are like.. the most ridiculously hysterical duo ive ever experienced in my life ! interacting w you guys on diaphanoso was INSANE i loved the kny brainrot sm ! you're the sweetest little precious soul ive ever met ! ill cry thinking abt it omgoggn i love playing genshin w you and teaching u all kinds of things ! i cant wait to play n interact even more !!!

@saneminx

CHERRY MY BELOVED MI BEBECITA ! MI CORAZON ! i love your energy so much like your sense of justice and bright, loud + confident personality makes me feel SOO GOOD i admire u a lot ! you always feed me with sooo many kny thirsts i ADORE U ! i am hugging u soooososo tight and i hope 2023 is AMAZING FOR U !

@the-witch-of-one-piece

VAL OMGLAKSDAAAA VAL VAL ! i see u writing bleach i promise one day ill watch it all n catch up with you :') your energy is so positive and loving, i can feel it through the screen i swear ! you make me feel right at home, and i love that we've stayed mutuals through my blog switch and after around a year ! im sending all my good energy to you for this next year :'))

@getoswhore

BRUH AHKLAAAA BELLA GTFO i love you. everything u put out on dash makes me fucking DIE LAUGHING STOP ! youre like one of my most precious mutuals from diaphanoso omgogm you've influenced me to be more confident n loud on dash hhehehee I ADORE U ! i cannot wait for more belloshi interactions n thirsts in 2023 :)

@donvampiro

DONDONDON I WILL CRY RN ! you are soo close to my heart my beloved ! if i could speak french id put a cute little french term of endearment but alas i am. not there yet :') snifle you make me feel SOOO safe and warm. i adore your heart and your preciousness it makes me emotionalahdkaaaa but i cannot wait for more don + moshi time this next year :')

@sleepy3

SLEEPY SLEEPS MY BABY ! you make me smile so hard when i see u in my inbox, you're always putting me onto new chars and it has me GASPINGAJSKAA i love your energy it's soft, like a warm hug and sleepy cuddles !! i cannot wait for more interactions n PLSPLSSS gimme some more chars to thirst over with you next yearhehehe

@tsunderedoctor

PURPLE my baby my love ! my mutual since diaphanoso ! i adore your sensitivity and brightness, youre such a precious person to me and i just genuinely admire your soul ! i loveee the law art reblogs you put out, they feed me sooo well :') and your emergency requests i adore so much! you are such a beautiful person to me ! ill cry omgogm ! but i hope the new year brings you nothing but good things ! you deserve it all :))

@4izawas

NEPPY NEP ! my bf since diaphanoso :') i adore your bright n confident energy SO MUCH ! your big biggg heart makes me soo so easily comfy and happy with you !! you have so much confidence and i swear it's contagious :) i cant wait for more genshin + moshtune interactions this next year ! i am sending u all my thirsty n positive energy !!

@garoujo

BROOOAKAKAKAA stop stop. dont get me started ill tear up ! emmie oomfghfgf i literally am in love with u ! youre my best friend stop stop ! you make me feel so safe and comfortable like i rlly dont feel that way with a lot of ppl ! you have such a bright heart and just warm energy ITS SO CONTAGIOUS. ur so contagious im sniffling ! we must have more emmoshi interactions ! i am giving u all my motivation n energy for 2023 :')

@vilsoo

JES OMGOMG ! i swear youve been sticking around w me for SOOO LONG like almost 2 years?? i think?? but SOB your energy is so bright to me i adore talking to u sm :') there's always tea to spill n its sooo investinghahakak but i cannot wait for more memories n interactions w you ! you are my go-to for fnaf fics ALWAYS ill always put people onto you when they ask for jjk / fnaf recs ehehheeh

2022 SAETOSHIS. thank you all for the memories, craziness, love n hugs! i adore u all! // all credits for music go to animenz on youtube, song performed: kimiiro signal - saekano: how to raise a boring girlfriend OP

#idk how to tag this since its not writing sob but !#i srsly adore u all so much #u have no idea #as im medically sick n bedridden you guys are like my saving grace !!#i dont ever see friends irl so u guys mean so much to me :’)#i am just soggy n emotional !#i have soo much love #oh god im tearing up EWWHJAKAKAKAKA #EXCISE ME FOR A MOMENT #but i rlly love u all 😋😋😋#kisses kisses n happy new year !!!

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kaeyapilled · 1 year ago

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Hii this is the same anon that asked for kaeya fics and I'm wondering if maybe you have some good cynonari fics? Btw the kaeya fics were super good thanks for that

hello!! im glad you liked the kaeya fics! i sadly dont read a lot of cynonari so i dont have nearly as many recs as i had for kaeya (8 works tagged cynari in my bookmarks against 69 works tagged kaeya, lol), but if anyone seeing this has some good fics, dont hesitate to share!! im a bit lacking in the cynari department.. my apologies. heres a few that ive read and liked:

i look at you and worry, "love is violence" by pinkweirdsunsets

Cyno taps his little finger against the table, “This isn’t a date.” An impressive frown stretches across Tighnari’s face, “Is that so?” “We are only friends.” “But you are gorgeous, General.” Cyno’s face remains impassive, “Only friends, Tighnari.” Tighnari pours himself another cup of coffee. tighnari, and how he loves, loves, and loves

this is honestly one of the coolest fics ive ever read. i read it by chance some time ago and it was an Experience. it's very confusing, on purpose, and the writing style executes it soooo nicely i loved it. and the concept is so interesting!! i was thinking about it for days after reading it. its a bit of an au so if you want full canon compliance you might not like it, but it does have most elements of canon and the characterization was really on point. i just rlly recommend this one<3

dew-kissed, sun-kissed by caniculeo

“Cyno,” Tighnari says, “you need to stop telling jokes at dinner.” “You keep saying that,” Cyno says, unfazed. in which tighnari keeps kissing cyno after every awful joke, and cyno has no idea why.

this one's just fluff. pure delight. nothing bad ever happens. it's SO sweet and funny it just gives you fluffy warm feelings inside. a good read for after you finish that first one, maybe. also, i do recommend checking this author's other fics!! they have some more cynari stuff, though i havent read them myself; i have however read one of their works about kaveh and it was really good, so. yeah!

girlhood first introduction to love by warsena

Collei is very loved, by many people. Five of them try to help her to deal with falling in love.

well, this is me cheating. this isnt cynari, they're just in the background. but i wanted to sneak this one in because it's collei-centric and so so so sweet and real, and i love collei. so. yeah. could i interest you in some implied collei/fischl in these trying times?

GAH sorry i dont have more!! i love cyno and tighnari but i very rarely read fanfiction about them lmao😭i hope you like these and, again, if someone else has recs...

#askpilled #cynonari #cynari #cyno #tighnari #fic recs #genshin fic recs #my other cynari bookmarks are. not quite sfw. i can always share those too if ur interested lol

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cloudycaffeinatedcryptid · 1 year ago

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9 ppl to get to know better

thank you for the tag @ghostradiodylan it has been such a long time since I've done a tag for anything & i desperately need a break from the writing/editing nightmare

1. three ships: Max Brinly/Laura Kearney own my soul, it's not even funny. i wish them every happiness forever. i'm also a firm believer in Phoenix Wright/Miles Edgeworth & i will never stop rotating them in my brain. let's go with Steven Universe/Connie Maheswaren bc i love them & if i keep thinking about ships i like, it will completely derail me

2. first ever ship: Ryan & Chad from high school musical. please don't ask me to elaborate

3. last song: "Weirdest Science" by Mo Mo O'brien which is an absolute banger that i stand by 100% (altho i could put together a whole playlist on songs i want everyone to hear) but an honorable mention to Mothica bc i have been looping their albums for a few days

4. last film: i forced my cousins to watch "Aliens in the Attic" bc it was one of my favorite films as a kid & neither of them had heard of it so i needed to enlighten them. that movie is insane & nonsensical & i love it so much

5. currently reading: i've been, admittedly pretty bad about reading full, published books lately & i alwasy pull back from reading when i'm on a writing craze. i was knee-deep in "Solar Lunacy" by bamsara before i had to break for writing (highly recommend for any fnaf fans who somehow haven't seen it) but in my free time, i've been rereading "Every Last Word" by Tamara Ireland Stone which was my favorite book in high school & not just bc the girl i was in love with recommended it & loaned me her copy. that's uhhhhh unrelated

6. currently watching: at the moment of typing this, i'm watching one of Danny Gonzalez's reviews of a disney movie. in general, my cousin & i have been rewatching some criminal minds but other than that, i'm between shows

7. currently consuming: seaweed bc i'm cursed with the desire for the Salty Ocean Leaf. it's actually rlly good

8. currently craving: cotton camdy miwlkshake 🤤

tag 9 ppl - @geniusbuilttm @girlypear @insertlovelyperson @adangersandwich @cjthestoryteller @pileontheyears @torchmlp @solarmoonecilpse @deepseawave

sorry for anyone i tagged who was ready tagged or doesn't want to - no pressure & also im sorry 😩 hope y'all are having a good night

#personal #shut UP moth #i needed to do something beside work on this chapter for 5 mins #didnt know tags were still goin around 🙃#anyway

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karmicpunishment · 1 year ago

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KARMIE BELOVED hear me out. ada minecraft server.

kyouka keeps taming animals (no one can bear to hit her. what if the dogs get mad at them. what if they have thorns armor. WHAT IF IT MAKES HER SAD.) and she is simply accompanied by a pack at all times

atsushi is still learning how to play and he builds these ugly-ass houses like we all did starting out but hes so proud of them (as he should be)

i was torn on dazai but i think it would be funny is hes so so bad at minecraft. he keeps walking off of inclines and dying bc he doesn't pay attention to his healthbar. he insists hes just playing on a higher level (hes actually rlly good at pvp and uses that for shenanigans but general play? he sucks so bad)

alternatively i think kunikida should be really good when he does play bc it would annoy dazai so much. i think he builds really nice houses and insists the game is just math but doesn't even play that often bc too much time gaming is unhealthy (it infuriates dazai that hes so competent despite barely playing)

i think ranpo plays exclusively for the chaos. he and dazai are a terrible combination (for everyone else) but also extremely funny. also i think he breaks minecraft in insane ways for fun when he gets bored and its a tossup whether the rest of the server suffers or benefits bc of it

tbh i think yosano should go feral in minecraft? like i think she should steal good gear from whoever has it and go kill to her heart's content. u cannot tell me she doesnt have insane amounts of repressed fury i think she should relieve that stress by going on adventures where she kills whatever she finds. yosano should 1v1 the warden powered by sheer spite i think

i think fukuzawa would not really understand minecraft?? but he gets on the server sometimes to spend time with the other members and has a minecraft cat that follows him everywhere (it took so many fish to tame. he worked so fucking hard for that ok)

OH MY GOD KENJI. I FORGOT HIM. THE BOY. i think hes so excited to play with everyone :) he can't build but he collects animals like kyouka and also provides the majority of the food for the other server members. hes like me fr just out here making massive farms of food and also collecting soo many farm animals in pens (he insists on not overcrowding the animal pens)

anyway i will end this by saying rip tanizaki hes the only remotely normal player on this fucking minecraft server

HI PAT!!! and yes yes yes to all of this

kyouka as an animal hoarder tamer is so cute and so real. kenji definitely does this too and yeah he'd totally make Massive farms. ranpo tells him he could make automated ones with redstone and he finds that amazing but also much rathers to just do it himself. they have huge buildings dedicated just to the animals they've collected and basically every name tag someone finds goes towards naming them all.

atsushi would 100% start out building the ugliest houses fr...all the dirt 4x4s and then the wooden box houses. he gradually gets better until hes a pretty decent builder. i feel like he'd also be the type to just get utterly lost in the game lol both in terms of directions (but he always writes down his coordinates) but also like he'd look up at the clock and realize he's spent 3 hours mining.

dazai being an utter disaster at the game is so funny to me. he's not allowed to go mining by himself because he will just die in a random cave and lose everything (also not allowed in the nether for similar reasons). he would be the type to purposefully hit a zombie pigmen just to make his fellow players lives worse lmao. the first thing someone gives him on the server is feather falling boots because he keeps walking off tall places (half the time on purpose the other half are complete accidents) it just makes him walk off things more but at least he's dying less because of it. he's an expert at setting up in game pranks though (usually on kunikida, the poor guy)

kunikida being great at minecraft is so near and dear to me now. i feel like he played the game a lot as a kid because lets be honest, its perfect for him but then kinda fell out of playing it as he got older. and then one of his students from when he was an assistant teacher reminded him of it and he got back into it. he definitely plays for like a couple a week to destress on his own private world where he has the most insane builds. he also is totally a resource gatherer/hoarder too, he's always giving the others supplies (though giving is a strong word, half of them just steal from him).

ranpo is also a disaster in minecraft i feel. he could build insane things but he doesn't have the patience for it honestly. same with redstone stuff, like he gets it but he doesn't usually take the time to do it. he's absolutely awful at pvp though and he gets lost ALL the time. he is the perfect person to go to when trying to find a special area or material, he always knows what someone needs. i also feel like he'd like potion making, idk why. he also really enjoys insane mod packs (though he makes other people install them for him)

yosano would totally be an insane pvp'er. she enjoys the other aspects of the game too but she gets the most enjoyment spending her nights beating mobs. she's not much of a builder but she does like to spend some time decorating the inside of ppl's bases. she's the kind of player to set off withers to defeat on her own for fun. she also plays bedwars lol and is a beast at it.

fukuzawa definitely has just a nice little house with like 5 cats in it. he logged on the first day of the server and then maybe like 3 times since but its okay. and absolutely no one is allowed to touch his house, under threat of ranpo's chaos lol. also no one really wants to destroy the presidents house, it just feels wrong.

tanizaki is just a fairly well-rounded player, like his builds aren't amazing but they're nice, he's decent at combat, he likes resource gathering etc. i feel like he and naomi have like several worlds of their own that they've kept up with for years at this point, with just like sprawling cities worth of builds. his favorite things to do in the game are probably just going on long journeys to find new biomes and fishing lol

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kidkubrick · 1 year ago

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being trans at hhm would be so chaotic but in a good way bc like.

like the firm's definitely partnered with a notoriously conservative company before, but then also definitely been hired by a super super liberal company as well, so you dont know how theyre gonna react, but howard is like,,,,so supportive it's almost funny?

like. i dont wanna generalize obviously but it's always kind of a spooky thing to come out as trans specifically in a corporate environment, but u tell howard "im trans", "im nonbinary", or "im genderqueer" and that man is ready to support u. ive said this before but i'll say it again. like.0

bonus points if u dont even rlly know him like ur just an intern who needs a new name tag.

but also like. thinking abt the HHM dresscode and how howard would be like "i can recommend some good tailors" for like a suit or a skirt or whatever you're now going to wear.

howard doesnt care as long as it's professional and blue.

oh my god what if that man bought custom trans pins but the blue stripe is hamlindigo blue dont fucking tell me that wouldnt be something he would do.

maybe you havent legally changed your name yet so it shows up at your deadname on schedules and payrolls and stuff- howard always always always crosses it out and writes down your preferred name.

i could totally see him adding a little pronoun thing to his email, like a little signature that says like "howard hamlin, senior partner of HHM, he/him".

im a little bitch with daddy issues (sorry) and i think it would be nice if he went with u if you have to go to other partners to tell them, he's standing behind you like 🙎🏻‍♂️making sure no one gives you shit.

if ur in a meeting, ur voice cracks or makes a funny sound, immediately panicking, howards there like "no ur good keep going!!!".

the only time that man is ever picky about anything is if you follow the "mens dress code", and start to wear a tie and he pulls you aside and he's like "technically the proper tie to wear here at HHM is one with a Windsor knot, not a simple knot" and so ur like "i am so sorry- uh- i don't know how to-" that man is IMMEDIATELY taking you out for lunch on his lunch break and teaching you how to tie a nice windsor knot you can tear that from my cold dead hands.

also??? he's a king with pronouns. just like "he- excuse me- she filed all her paperwork today" like man just keeps on trucking. doesn't make a scene abt it or anything.

checks in every few weeks at the beginning of your transition (if that's something ur choosing to pursue) to make sure everyone's treating you alright and fairly, making sure you're comfortable and everything. like he's just super fucking chill and i love him

#howard hamlin #howard hamlin headcanon #better call saul

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thenexusofsouls · 8 months ago

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Have you ever considered writing Quentin Beck? You write your muses so well and he wouldn't be the first antagonist you've written *points to Nuada*, besides the angst with Carter would be interesting. Like Quentin is one of those "diva" typa villains, he is so funny at times like why are u such a dramatic bitch. Ugh I hope he isn't rlly dead, he was a great villain. Hope your recovery is going well btw! ❤️

{i am the caretaker of souls} Going to answer this now even though I'm not back until next weekend because it mentioned surgery recovery... and because I can. XD My recovery is going well, thank you! I'm feeling much better than I did a week ago. Still not 100%, but getting better every day. I think given one more week I should be almost completely back to normal. =)

I haven't ever considered writing Quentin, no. Mostly because he's just not a character that speaks to me or that I know very well. He's interesting, don't get me wrong, but he's never gotten in my head and bugged me for weeks to write him like muses normally do, heh. Also, all I know of him is what was in the Spiderman movies, so... I don't have a lot to go on.

Also, I've read some of the asks and things from that verse where Carter dates Quentin (tagging @starcchild in on this in case she wants to weigh in at all), and I feel my portrayal might be biased because of that. What I mean is, I wouldn't necessarily have said he would have been abusive to Carter. Or maybe he would. But whatever opinion I would have formed on my own has already been made by that AU. Like in my head, he's abusive to her right out of the gate before I've even had a chance to develop my own interpretation of him. And whoever had been writing Quentin for those AUs, I don't want to steal from their interpretation, you know? It's just hard for me to be unbiased and create my own interpretation of him when I've already got that one in my mind.

I think he's got some obsessive personality traits, a bit of a short fuse, and his own personal setbacks have fueled an obsessive hatred of Tony Stark. I'm not sure whether Quentin would be classified as a psychopath, and some of the arrogant and narcissistic personality traits that psychopaths have are feeding into that? Like... he perceives Tony's lack of tact with regard to the intellectual property of others and Tony's lack of interest in him as a person to be targeted, deliberate, insulting, and unforgivable attacks against him, because how dare he, when really Tony's already moved onto the next stupid thing he said or did without putting that much thought into it. But that hyperfixation on the wrongs, slights, and injustices done to Quentin, the need to enact revenge to get justice for himself or to punish those who have wronged him in an I'll show you manner, and the willingness to put innocent people in danger due to a lack of empathy... are all traits of a psychopath, I think? I'm not a psychologist, but I do watch a lot of criminal psychology shows, lol. Also the need for attention, validation, and an audience is there, which I think is another psychopathic trait if I remember correctly.

Or, it could be that Quentin just has narcissistic personality disorder, which gives him an inflated ego and sense of self-worth. How could Tony not care about him? How could he steal from him? How could he toss him aside? In his mind he's so important that being ignored or shoved aside or treated like he personally doesn't matter is jarring enough to his sense of self that he has to go to extreme means to set the injustice right. He seems a bit immature, too, and that might feed into the me, myself, and I mentality of focusing so much on his own wants and needs and not on anyone else's.

With regard to Carter... The only way I could see Quentin even wanting to date her is to get back at Tony in yet another way. But I don't think he'd necessarily try to hurt her. At least not physically. Because his goal is to hurt Tony, not Carter. To hurt Tony, what's the worst thing he could do? Turn Carter against him. So I think Quentin would try to ingratiate himself to Carter and then gaslight her into believing her father is a terrible person in various ways. With, of course, the end goal in mind of her breaking off all contact with Tony of her own accord because she wants nothing more to do with him, which Quentin knows would mess Tony up pretty badly.

The question is... how seriously Quentin takes himself and how deluded he really is. Is it just that he's an arrogant asshole who wants to stick it to Tony for perceived injustices like stealing his research? In that case, I think he'd be even more insidious and manipulative to Carter because he knows Tony isn't as bad as he's making him out to be, it's just that he's angry and wanting to get revenge on him. So he'd know that he's lying to Carter and controlling the narrative surrounding her father to deliberately gaslight her.

Or... is it that Quentin is so delusional that he truly believes that, because Tony did these things to him, Tony is a terrible, dangerous, duplicitous human being? That means he's far more mentally impaired than knowing reality and choosing to manipulate it, because in this situation he's actually believing his own lies. In that case, if after he begins dating Carter he does develop any kind of feelings for her, he might actually believe he's protecting her from the terrible person that Tony is. He might believe that the gaslighting he's doing to her is just him honestly trying to help Carter by exposing her father for who he truly is. To open her eyes to the truth, as it were.

Personally, I don't think Quentin believes his own lies. I think he's just an immature, angry man who feels slighted by someone and holds grudges long and hard enough to never let it go. Whether that borders on psychopathic tendencies to want to obsessively plan and seek out the friends and family of someone you believed slighted you to enact your revenge or not, I'm not sure, but he definitely suffers from obsessive personality traits and an inflated ego. So I think he would know exactly what he's doing to Carter by lying to her about her dad, or inflating certain events to seem worse than they are, or generally trying to control her as far as what she thinks of Tony or when she sees him (depends on if it's a verse where Tony is alive or dead, I guess).

*shrugs* That's my two cents on Quentin and his relationship with Carter. He's never really been a muse for me, though. You're right, I don't mind writing villains. Nuada is definitely one, I would argue that Noah over on @tarnishedxknight can be considered one too. And I do write Ravenna from the same movies Eric and Freya are from, I've just never brought her to this site. It's more just that he's not a character that really spoke to me as far as me feeling compelled to write him.

#{ i am the caretaker of souls } ᵒᵒᶜ

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seokmatthewz · 1 year ago

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mutuals appreciation! write heart-felt messages to some of your mutuals (or even ones you haven't talked to yet!) and tag them, BUT don't tell them which message is their, let them guess! after you're done, send this to 1 mutual you want to get a message from!

oh god okay this is very nice and sweet in theory KLDSLD but tragically i am perhaps the person with the most anxiety in the world ever and not telling people which message is for who for whatever reason feels like it would probably kill me so i think instead i will write some silly little notes for my mutuals but tag them directly or else i may die KLFCDSL sorry i cannot play the game properly i am not built like that kldskddsfkl but thank u nonetheless!!!! <3<3

@berryjaellie millie my lovely dearest fairytual who i adore and keep in my pocket it has been a joy interacting with u more thru twt these days be it to bicker or yell loudly or pester u abt matthew or hanbin as always i perpetually hope we can continue to interact more ily mwah!! thank u so much for sending me random little raccoon vids and associating me with cute things that i do not deserve u r so dear 2 me <3

@winxys paula my fucked up little meow meow there is nobody on this website who i would enjoy being the mortal enemy of more (even though with every passing day it seems like we are becoming 🤢friends🤢) as we continue to lose our minds over bbangiz crumbs and whatever onlyoneof are doing at most points in time. i know things have been rough for you lately and i really do hope they get better! here's to hoping zb1 don't debut with noise !!

@chwejongho i am not sure if u use tumblr at all lately (i believe u dont much) but it wld feel deeply wrong and incorrect to leave u off of one of these kaz dearest my boy my best friend my platonic soulmate u have put up with so much from me in these past few months (not to mention these past few years we've been friends) because i am a nuisance who never shuts up so thank you so much for putting up with my hours worth of instagram voice messages about how i was worried about matthew during boys planet even though you didn't watch the show i very much appreciate that you are always a shoulder to cry on for me no matter what the circumstance, be it me being overdramatic about a man i don't know personally or something much more serious. i appreciate you so much no matter how much or little we are talking at any given moment and i am forever wishing you the best no matter what. i love you so much!!

@hyvnsuk gabi my fellow haotual i do not have a ton to say here but i am incredibly amused every single time we have a same brain moment these days it's so fun and cute dslsdfk you're always a joy to have on the dash and your content is so pretty!! i hope ur always doing well mwah!!

@jjanguri rin dearest!! i hope the air quality has improved where u are !! u r so sweet and wonderful and i hope we can interact more soon!!! mwah!!

@haob1n lovely maria!! thank u for all the sweet comments you leave in the tags of my gifsets i do not deserve ur kindness and i am so incredibly overjoyed every time u call me a matthew stan pillar (or something along those lines) KDSSKLD mwah i hope u are always well!!

@zeroze hope!!!! ik we have not interacted much but it is always so fun to briefly goof around w u in the replies of an ask u are so sweet and funny!!! i rlly hope we can talk more soon <3<3

also to all my zerosetuals in general pls feel free 2 chat with me!! i wld love 2 make some zerose friends hehe

#i dont really interact w anyone on here tbh KFLCDSLK tumblr is kind of just a void i yell into #but tysm for thinking of me regardless!!!!#asks #anon

7 notes · View notes

seiwas · 11 months ago

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ari omfg i am crying at ur tags 😭

idek where to start omg... ill answer every tag/comment as best as i can 🥹 but thank you so much for taking the time to read this!! and write such lengthy comments omg ?!?!?! i know ure such a busy gal 🥺

how much u lost ur mind hELP SDHfbjsa

i get so giddy every time u tell me my prose is pretty pls shdfsa 🥺 and you included all ur favourite bits too!! WAAH

figuring out that first part before the line break was really tricky bc i was trying to figure out how to introduce the whole concept of the fic hsbdfjha and the words just weren't wording... so i am so glad!!! they came out beautifully to you 🥺

and that daydream line!!! i loved writing that daydream line too!! 🥺

and the beach scene!! seeing all of them so happy!! omg that scene healed my soul for real sdfbh it ached in the best way!! writing it was kinda cathartic bc i think this was around the time sht was happening to gojo in the manga 😭 and OFC. the only way yuuji will exist in this universe is if he's HAPPY. i have made that rule.

the line on scattering them to the wind to the sand to the sea sabfsajhf the image in my mind for that was ashes omg it sounds so dark saying it like this but the idea of spreading the ashes in meaningful places

and their pseudo family!! UGH i love them so much

and you're SO REAL ABOUT HIS CUTE ASS SHORTS LOL he does look hot in it fr lol he could wear pink rubber ducky shorts and still look good i hate him he is so insufferable

THE LINE ABOUT BEING HIS FAVOURITE PLACE REDISCOVERED IS ONE OF MY FAVE LINES TOO 🥺 im so glad you like it

also ari u r one of the funniest ppl i know and ur tags show it bc i laughed at 'god knew he was hot and had to create a flaw that wasn't just how annoying he is' HHAHAHAHA ... he's so pasty white it's impossible for him not to burn i stg

i also!! rlly liked that slathering love all over his chest line sdfbs bc i found it so satisfying to parallel with slathering sunblock LOL

and omg ari 🥺 you realising you love col reader is so real bc writing that fic made me realise how much i love col reader too hSBHFBSAHF i just think!!! she loves him so much yknow like... so purely and so selflessly and patiently ill sob

and the sun line!!! omg gojo i Whipped with a capital double you JBFghdfb

and OK i will say. HE ISNT THAT BAD AT BEACH VOLLEYBALL. def not better than suguru but likE he's just a lil distracted in this game 🥺 and he is so down bad that he indeed yes did print a picture in his wallet 😭

i also firmly believe that gojo is so sentimental but tries so hard not to show it asjhbdfs and u using that bald emoji is so funny PLS ++ i think the remembrances make up for the memories and people he's lost sbdhs and it's achey and sad but that's why i think he's so lowkey sentimental with things

and i could never send u to a mental hospital ari i love everything u have to say ALWAAAYSSS i appreciate you so much for pointing out your favourite bits 🥺

i am sooooo happy that you love col reader as much as i do omg jsahbdf. i just think she's so full of love. kind of bottomless rlly. insane how satoru even bagged her in the first place (good thing he knows it lol)

AND CRYING AT YOU LOSING YOUR MIND OVER A SITUATIONSHIP HELP SDHBASDF ok in gojo's defense i GUESS and reader's defense gshdfhs i feel like they've gone thru so much together that the labels hardly matter at that point 😭 it's ok. they r very much committed. esp he.

AND FR. MY HC IS THAT HE'S INTO GIRL IDOL GROUPS SHDFBHSA

AND WAAH dialogue is so tough for me and i rlly wanted to make the 'making it official' scene a bit diff than what's expected hsbfhsa fso im glad you liked that bit of dialogue in it 🥺

AND LOVE CHANGING YOU!! ALSO ONE OF MY FAVE TAKES EVER!!!

and so real omg col reader pouring him a glass of water truly solidified my love for her lmao i would full on be ignoring his ass

AND SRSLY ME TOO AFTER HIM SAYING BE MAD. IDT I COULD TAKE HIM CRYING EITHER DBFAJSH id be mean at the start but... one shaky breath im GONE

AND IKR. I THINK. gojo's a little loose lipped sometimes LIKE SDFBAS idt he even intends for it to come out but when the feelings r too high up it just spills out yKNOW???

AND THAT OCT 31 LITERALLY SAME ARI. SHFVAHSB and you GET IT!! omg what i was trying to convey... that reader doesn't force him to go back to bed but stays with him 🥺 esp since she knows it's hard for him to fall back asleep 🥺 knowing how to love him!!! exactLYYYY!!! 🥺🥺🥺

omg and the spicy scenes pLSLSSJHASBFHGSDFj

WAAAHHH pls dont apologise... for copy pasting omg ...i do the same w ur fics PLS WAAH im so glad you enjoyed this and u r so sweet w ur comments and tags and evrything WAHHH I LOVE U

₊˚⊹。so this is what it means to be in love | gojo satoru

wc: 8.9k

summary: gojo finds out what it really means to be in love.

contains: f!reader in mind, friends to lovers (prev. slowburn), suggestive scenes, might be mature/mildly explicit? (i only mention ‘butt’ once though��), ‘being in love’ as a journey, almost like a falls in love first (you) vs. falls in love harder (gojo), they fight, they swear, character death/s mentioned, shibuya onwards spoilers, lots and lots and lots of love

a/n: this is better read after the other parts in the collection but can work as a stand alone too!, there’s a jump between this and tell me about love (show me how) so gojo would have developed a lot in the relationship since then!

collection masterlist: conversations on love 2.5. and my body keeps saying (it's yours) -> 03. so this is what it means to be in love + (extended scene) too good to be mine -> 3.5a. this feeling inside of me—

MINORS PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT.

this is a re-upload! (because i accidentally deleted the original one!)

Gojo catches onto love slowly.

He takes the hand you leave open just for him, and closes the space between your palms, reducing infinity.

Maybe he’s felt it all this time without knowing; after all, love looks a lot less profound as friends in your early 20’s.

But being in it—being in love? That’s uncharted territory.

Gojo’s been to a lot of places, has travelled back and forth from point-to-point endlessly. He’s survived battles, a war, near-death, and cursed spirits reincarnate; he’s got eyes—two bright blue and an extra four hidden, ones that see beyond human comprehension. Unearthing this simple truth shouldn’t shake him, shouldn’t even faze him. If anything, he should have seen it coming—

Except, he doesn’t.

It sneaks up on him, bit by bit, until he finds that being in love means getting to experience you all over again, just differently.

It starts with the little things.

Gojo has known you for so long (a decade and a few years more), but has only recently begun to notice everything: how your baby hairs stick out in the humidity of summer, the way you purse your lips in thought before finally deciding on a drink to order. You play with your fingernails subconsciously, out of habit, the soft taps on your nail beds an accompaniment of anxious conversations you’ve had since you were 23.

He knows you always blink twice before focusing on him, and it’s a mystery whether this is a recent development or something he’s just never noticed, but if you’re trying to enchant him by the flutter of your eyelashes, he wants to let you know that it’s working—except, he knows that you aren’t, because you’re just like that: a daydream without even trying.

These aren’t new things; he’s sure he’s probably encountered them all before, but lately they’ve evolved into cute things, and there’s no hiding the slight curve of his lips every time he spots them.

The sun is beaming brighter this summer, the ocean a faraway blur from the beach towel you set up under the shade. Going to the beach is never your go-to when you think of an extremely hot afternoon, but Yuuji’s been eyeing a weekend getaway since sorcerer work’s lessened significantly.

‘It’s a good effort,’ Gojo convinces you, ‘to get everyone together again.’

And it is—you see it now: Yuuji and Megumi preparing to fling Yuuta into the water while Nobara and Maki race along the shoreline. Toge stays close to Panda but he watches fondly, eyes crinkling every now and then, happy.

When you blink, the image of them softens—a captured memory in the heat haze.

The only older ones here are you and Gojo; Shoko’s always disliked the stickiness of sunblock on her skin, and Ijichi’s new position has made him constantly busy. Somewhere in the distance, you can maybe envision Nanami. He wouldn’t come if you or Gojo asked, but if it were Yuuji—

You rub at your eye, resting your chin on your hand as you will your tear ducts to please, don’t cry.

Yuuji's been smiling a lot more lately, an observation you note from the way his ears are perked up every time you look his way. It’ll never be the same as it used to be but it’s relieving to know that he can exist living as himself now. Just Yuuji.

You hug your knees tighter to your chest, wrapping your arms around it. Your place under the coconut tree provides ample enough shade but your back still burns from Gojo haphazardly slathering sunscreen on it after hearing an ice cream stand from miles away.

The mind is a weird place to be at times like this—split into bittersweet reminiscing and telling yourself to just take this moment and breathe, to live in it. You think about Megumi, and how you hurt for him, always will, for all that he’s lost despite every attempt to avoid it.

You should have been there for Tsumiki, you could have been there for both of them.

Your guilt never leaves you even on days that shine as vividly as this, but perhaps that’s the silver lining—that they’re still with you, always. You can carry pieces of them to these places, and scatter them to the wind, to the sand, to the sea, and maybe to the ice cream stand Gojo’s waiting in line of, surrounded entirely by kids. They all rise to half his size, but if you squint, you think the bounce in his step makes him blend right in.

A chuckle escapes you.

You could sort through your memories and land on one where he looks just like this—freakishly large limbs towering over a tiny, excited Tsumiki. Back then, an ice cream stop after school consisted of your pseudo-family of four, with Megumi on your hand and Tsumiki on his leg, both gripping tightly to combat a chilly 10°C.

Things are different now, evidently. Megumi’s outgrown it, and Tsumiki is no longer here. But Gojo has stayed the same, and it’s comforting to know that he will continue to be this Satoru, your Satoru, even when some things are gone.

You don’t realize you’ve spaced out until he waves the ice cream cone while walking towards you.

Gojo is a sight in trunks the color of his eyes, with seahorses and starfishes in an alternating pattern of peachy-pink against cerulean blue.

You could have sworn you asked for your own cone, but he plops down beside you holding only one. For the both of you. The side-eye you give him is almost criminal, if not deadly, but your lips twitch from the smile you’re hiding (terribly).

He raises an eyebrow and you break character, shaking your head while laughing.

“Did you eat the other one on the way here?” you tease, craning your neck to lick at the bottom scoop (vanilla-strawberry-vanilla, Gojo’s signature order).

Your tongue lands dangerously close to his fingers, and he feels it, but his eyes only land on you—your lips, how they part for your tongue to glide smoothly on his–both of your–dessert. You look every bit of an angel in the soft, pale hues of your bikini, but Gojo’s thoughts are anything but saintly.

He blushes furiously, the tips of his ears and nose bright red as he turns away from you quickly.

“I’m fulfilling your dream of sharing an ice cream cone with me.” he tilts his chin up, proud, smirking slightly. He jokes about it knowing full well that this is his dream come true, just by the look of you.

You stay quiet, rolling your eyes but never meanly, no. You only ever do it fondly—he knows, being on the receiving end of it one too many times.

The beach towel scrunches when you scoot closer, looping your arm around his as you both rest your elbows on your knees. Gojo holds the cone between you two, tipping it towards you when it’s your turn to lick.

He shouldn’t stare, shouldn’t hyperfixate, but it’s so cute how you get the tiniest bit of ice cream on the tip of your nose—as if it belongs there, soft and sweet just like the rest of you.

You look up to find Gojo gazing at you, eyes glimmering like sunlight on the ocean, and a tiny smile that only widens when he realizes you’ve caught him red-handed. Your eyes narrow suspiciously, scrunching your nose in an effort to stop yourself from grinning.

When Gojo looks at you this way, as if you are his favorite place rediscovered, your heart thumps furiously against your ribcage.

“What…” you drawl, your smile impossible to hide in the lilt of your voice.

Gojo thinks he can count every eyelash, every speck of sand dotting your face, and stil not be bored of you. He can’t stop beaming.

Is this what it means to be in love with you?

“Nothing.” he replies, almost giggling, a little bashful but with every inch of sincerity. You know that smile, the only one that holds every ounce of Satoru. Gojo smiles big and wide to everyone else, but this small one you know, is reserved just for you.

He leans in, lips coming closer to brush against the tip of your nose. Your eyes fall shut, instinctively, and the pink dot is wiped clean, a hint of strawberry dancing on his palate. He’s done this more times than he can count, has gotten this near to know that close will never be close enough, but you still jolt a bit—PDA has never been your thing.

When he pulls away, you continue to stare at each other, locked in a gaze until the ice cream begins to drip down his fingers and onto the beach towel. It misses his trunks by a hair and you both laugh at how he belatedly tries to escape it even though it’s already there.

It’s indescribable, this moment, seeing you in slow motion, laughing as bright as the sun—the sweetest sound he’s ever heard. It takes every bit of him to look away so he can wipe his hands clean from the dripping dessert.

You hand him a packet of wipes and beckon him to sit in front of you after. Squeezed onto the palm of your hand is a copious amount of sunscreen you plan to slather all over him. A touch-up, if you will.

Gojo has sensitive skin, pale as bond paper and burns just as quickly. The high points of his face are already reddening, warm to the touch when you dab at them with sunscreen.

You’re so near, so close, sitting cross-legged in front of him with your knees touching his. The tip of your tongue sticks out just slightly as you focus on his skin.

Even though he knows, he still wonders what your lips would taste like, SPF chapstick and crumbly bits from the wafer cone. He wonders what your eyelashes would feel like, fluttering over his own.

The light casts a halo around you and he thinks it’s fitting for all that you do. You pamper him like this, slather love all over his chest and back, massage it in so it dissolves into him—and he feels it so deep that he tastes it.

How can your love be so sweet? He thinks, sighing as your fingers work sunscreen up his neck from his collarbone. You always apply his skincare like this: upwards, gently—‘no tugging, please!’—something about keeping his baby face even when he’s old.

“You should join them,” you mumble, rubbing more product onto the nape of his neck. You’re leaning over his shoulder, neck brushed against his cheek.

Gojo hums, watching everyone from a distance. It’s been a while since he’s had a day like this.

“But maybe after 30 minutes, so the sunblock doesn’t wash off. You’re already burning.” you note, coming back to sit.

Of course, he’s already burning. How can he not when the sun is right in front of him?

You join everyone for a game of beach volleyball in the sunset of the afternoon. You’re transported back to high school, the last time you did this—you and Satoru against Shoko and Suguru, with Haibara keeping score.

From the way Gojo’s eyes are glossed over, you can tell he’s thinking about it too, the memory having seared itself into your brains forever, it seems.

Being paired together should feel familiar—the same, but it doesn’t—isn’t, because Gojo can’t concentrate, sneaking glances to notice all the little things about you that he never used to. Your skin shines from the combination of sweat and sunscreen, and when you crash into him it’s both sticky and slippery. He should really ask for a time-out before you blind him completely.

You look unfairly good in your bikini, too good he can barely hear you calling for him; between the ocean and his blood rushing, any other sound is drowned out into nothing.

Maki and Yuuji absolutely demolish the both of you, reaching 15 first in the final set. Gojo blames the loss on you of course, even though he’s missed every pass you’ve sent his way and netted 60% of his spikes.

And maybe it technically is your fault—you and your (very distracting) little things. But it’s entirely on him that he’s fallen for it, fallen for you as much as this.

Gojo thinks of love differently when he sees a picture of himself and all it does is remind him of you.

There’s a photo tucked safely in his wallet (saved and set as his homescreen too). Shoko snorts when she walks in on him printing it, all six-foot-three of him hunched over the small inkjet printer in the faculty room.

“It’s all digital now, Satoru,” she scoffs, taking a puff on her cigarette.

Gojo doesn’t say anything even though he knows it’s true, too focused on watching the printer push out the two-by-three inch image he’s about to cut into.

Print photos aren’t as important anymore when cloud storage spaces are just as–if not more–accessible, but Gojo is admittedly sentimental despite every front he puts up to hide it.

He’s kept every single gift you’ve given him and camouflaged it as decoration in his office, and the family drawing 10-year-old Tsumiki made is still folded between the pages of a self-help book Yaga had given him when he first decided to teach.

When every moment is experienced so vividly, seen through a muddle of infinite energies, there are those he wishes could stay still—ones that take up space to remind him: ‘this is real, it happened, and here is proof that it did’.

He already has one of all of you, fresh-faced and barely pushing the peaks of youth at 16. A tangle of arms wrapped around each other—one of his gripping tightly on Suguru, and the other hanging loosely over you. Utahime is crouched in front, holding the hand you’ve placed on her shoulder while pulling Shoko into a semi-squish-semi-hug (because out of the four of you, Shoko is her favorite—completely valid; if given the choice, she’d be your favorite too). Nanami and Haibara stay close to Suguru, squatting low to balance the photo, and Haibara is smiling, the ever cheery grin Suguru loves to dote on, while Nanami is Nanami—sharp features and a serious gaze that you all know he’ll grow into someday, handsome with age.

For the longest time, Gojo has kept that photo hidden, locked away in the drawer of his bedside table as if keeping it there means the memory will stay guarded forever—untouched, unspoiled, unruined.

It would have stayed there if you didn’t stumble upon it while looking for his painkillers during another one of his skull-crushing migraines.

You approach him with the image hesitantly, eyes damp and glossy. Years have faded the colors ever so slightly, but the corners remain crisp from being stowed away neatly. You say sorry, that you shouldn’t have looked through his things, but you remember the moment it was taken so fondly: a visit to the Kyoto campus on a one-day break to train with other students.

Gojo has many theories about time and the multitude of spaces it takes—like how a person can exist at different points in time, disparate at each instance, and still take up the same big chunk of space. The opposite can be true too, that someone can live finitely (just once) and occupy spaces in every place you look: the face of a passerby down the road, a sign at the corner of the street, or even a photograph that immortalizes people you once knew.

He only shares when you ask, aware that he tends to be a bit of a nerd about it whenever it’s brought up, but you don't mind. You like listening to it all, no matter how insightful or confusing they are for you to make sense—a version of him not many get to witness. His explanations are comprehensible for the most part, except—

When Gojo tells you that he’s kept the image in his drawer, hidden, because exposing it to the space-time that exists now will erase every reminder that it ever happened, you hug him tightly.

Your sniffles are heard from the way his head is tucked into the crook of your neck, your fingers gripping strands of his hair in empathy.

He considers your near-tears as a sign that the memory is long gone, decayed into the brittling tragedy of reality. But you smile, the corners of your lips bittersweet as you express disbelief that he’s kept it all this time.

You tell him delicately that some precious things are meant to be celebrated, put out to be remembered—to be experienced.

And it becomes clearer to him then, by the look in your eyes and remembrance soft-spoken, that what good is a photo unseen?

What good is a love unwitnessed?

When you gift him a frame a year after finding the photo, he hangs it by the wall next to his office door. The image is painful to look at, always has been (even when it was hidden in his drawer)—during Suguru’s defection, and death anniversaries especially.

The recent one for Nanami was heavy; the first time he’s ever been able to process grief fully.

Gojo can argue that it grows more difficult every time he catches a glimpse of it from his desk, but you have a way of honoring pain that doesn’t make it sting as bad—that turns it into a reminder of a love that was once there, of feelings that hurt as evidence that someone cared.

Now, he wants another photo printed, one of just the two of you. Not because it hurts, but because he wants this precious thing to be remembered and seen—for this love to be witnessed too.

It’s self-timered, snapped under the shade of a cherry blossom tree in full bloom. The picture is far from perfect: your eyes bright and mouth open mid-fear of his phone falling off the bridge railing.

You may look a teensy bit funny, but Gojo will always find it cute. Anyone can see it, at how he looks at you in that moment—like you are every bit worthy of the distance travelled and seasons waited. He gazes at you fondly, eyes holding clear skies and pink lips curling into a small smile.

It’s cheesy, but if you ask him what he thinks about this year’s flowers, he’ll tell you none of them (not even any of them combined) could compare to you. The cherry blossoms could be gone and he’d still see them everywhere (in the softness of your lips, the fullness of your cheeks, the radiance you emit when you are truly, solely content and happy).

He remembers that afternoon well: the spring breeze that jolts his phone sideways, his hand resting on your lower back, unseen in the image. There’s no real reason for visiting the blossoms on this day of all days, but Gojo doesn’t believe in coincidences, and he’s counted down exactly to a year since you both had your first kiss.

It’s so silly, because he’s never thought of things like this before. He knows you probably don’t think much of it either considering that neither of you have made anything official yet since.

And he feels a little stupid for that, honestly.

You have a drawer of his clothes for the nights he stays over (more often than not), and even though you go on these little trips that are so obviously dates, you both still just tell everyone you’re ‘hanging out’.

He’s not fooling anyone here, not when he looks at you then with the feeling of his chest expanding, stretching to accommodate the overflows of his affection since learning the ways to love you—tenderness caught in little pixels of eternity.

When Gojo goes through all 179 photos from that afternoon, he filters out the ones to delete and picks this one out especially—favorites and resizes it to fit his home screen and his wallet too.

There’s something about the look on his face that reminds him of every time he’s caught the same one on you.

He slides the photo into the little sleeve behind his credit card, catching himself smiling—this must be because of you, he thinks, and the bits and pieces of yourself that have somehow become part of him slowly, sneaking into him unknowingly.

If this is what it means to be in love, with you, then he’s fucked.

Don’t you know that he’s insatiable? These traces of you will only make him want the whole of you.

You find the photo while he rushes to the restaurant restroom. On ‘hang out’s like this, you insist on splitting the bill, but Gojo has always been stubborn and you’ve learned that you can never argue.

He hands you his wallet to pay with his card, and when you slide it out, the photo falls. It’s face down on the floor when you pick it up, fully expecting it to be a photocard of some idol you know Gojo follows.

But it isn’t, and your smile widens.

When Gojo comes back, you’re looking up at him affectionately, biting your lips as if to stop yourself from speaking—the same way he always does.

It’s funny because, slotted between your two fingers is the photo he’s kind of flustered you found, but he has no time to be embarrassed when he sees a little bit of himself in the way you’re staring at him right now.

“So, Yuuji asked if we were together.”

You quirk an eyebrow, looking up at Gojo from the pile of laundry you’ve begun folding on your bed. He emerges from the bathroom, ruffling his hair with a towel.

Over the past year, Gojo has spent his weekends off with you, sleeping over and traipsing around your room in his pajama set as if he’s lived here just as long as you.

You snort as you fold, amused that this is even a question to begin with. Yuuji’s always been known for being exceptionally dense, but you didn’t think it was this bad. Gojo was especially touchy with you during that beach trip, and you’re sure Megumi and Nobara have caught up to let him know by now, somehow.

“What made him ask?”

“I think he wants to take you away.” Gojo teases, wiggling his eyebrows as he throws the towel on the chair across your vanity.

You roll your eyes, still sweetly, indulging him, “Sure.”

It’s now a running joke that Gojo’s threatened about Yuuji stealing you; you’ve always had a soft spot for bright eyes and even brighter souls and Yuuji is as close to that as anyone can get.

It’s not like that though, it could never be; Yuuji is just like your Megumi—the two boys you want to protect and care for in hopes of treating them better than their lives have ever.

Gojo feels the same, you know, otherwise he wouldn’t have guided them as much as he has (despite his... questionable ways). Still, your hands have always been gentler, kinder—and though shorter, have always outstretched much farther than his.

You have a way of inching yourself into people’s lives that just fits. He’s experienced it first-hand, can’t even dare to imagine what his life would be like if you didn’t.

He walks across the room to you, bed dipping as he steadies a knee before draping his entire body over your shoulders.

Now that you think about it, it makes sense that Yuuji’s confused, because Gojo has always been extremely touchy to everyone, just never when the feelings mattered, with you. Kiss him once, though, and it snowballs into an avalanche of firsts. And what he’s about to do right now, he thinks, might just trigger another one to form all together.

“As if I’d let him.” he mumbles right by your ear, chin tucked by the crook of your neck. It tickles when he speaks, his nose poking at your cheeks.

“Who put you in charge?” you scoff jokingly, unfazed.

He moves away from you in disbelief, mouth open as he stares at you mindlessly folding.

To be fair, he can’t fault you. You aren’t technically official even though you have kind-of-been for a little over a year. There’s no particular reason, just that you haven’t talked about it—part because you wanted him to approach it whenever he was ready, and also, because it just never seemed like a priority.

You laugh as he stares at you, stunned into silence, the pout on his face borrowed from all the versions of yours.

There’s no point of contention because you’ve only ever loved Gojo since you were 17.

“Kidding,” you kiss his cheek as an apology.

“Don’t even joke about that.” he huffs, you’re starting to take after him a little too much.

“You’re mine.” he murmurs after, arms wrapped around your waist and legs stretched out wide to encase you.

He says it as if it is the simplest truth.

Your heartbeat quickens, too loud and pounding; this is the first time you’ve ever heard this from him, and a part of you thinks this is just another one of those flirty side-comments he makes on a whim.

“You tell him that?” you hope he can’t hear your voice shake as he nuzzles your neck, your fingers trembling on the pair of socks you have yet to roll.

He hums, hugging you tighter. He waits for you to finish folding before letting you lean against him, offering his fingers for you to fiddle with. They’re cold, long and slender, veiny just by a bit, and he always gives them to you like they’re yours, you like to think.

There’s an inhale, a breath of hesitation, before he exhales.

“Something like it.”

You don’t say anything, only nod, and it’s nerve-wracking. He’s so nervous even though he knows he doesn’t have to be because it’s just you. And there’s no need to doubt what you’re feeling. But—

“You are though,” he pauses, “right?”

He has to be sure. This is a testament to you more than himself that he’s learned to ask instead of bulldozing you like he does with everyone else. Who else will he pick that up from but you?

There’s hesitation you hear that you think shouldn’t be there anymore; the fact that you’ve given so much of yourself to this man and he still thinks you’re unsure—

“‘Cause I’m yours.” he speaks, clearly, definitively, before you can even answer. And you know—you’ve known ever since that party years ago. A simple admittance: ‘I’m taken’.

You turn around to face him, eyes shimmering.

Can he see? You’re meant for him only.

All you’ve ever wanted was to love him; everything else he’s done up until this point is already more than you could ever imagine. The labels can only do so much to capture the gravity of what you are to one another: years of history unpacked into a mishmash of feelings overlapping—it’s a lot.

You sit cross legged in front of him, your knees touching his. He’s biting his lips again, an anxious habit you want to kiss away.

Gojo has proven far too much of himself already that he’s serious with you—your kind-of-confession, that confrontation, and the days after, all the ways you’ve both learned to love each other.

You cup his cheeks.

A single word cannot possibly define what he is to you.

“I mean, o-only if you want me to be.” he adds on, blue eyes darting back and forth.

Gojo runs his mouth almost all the time and you’ve never heard him stutter once in his life. Except now.

He’s endearing like this—a version of him you are slowly discovering.

“Wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” you finally say, and it’s a relief.

He feels good, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding. His arms pull you closer, hugging you tighter as you both smile.

He kisses you once, twice, maybe a million times all over, travelling across your eyelids, the center of your forehead, down to the corners of your mouth before landing a real one right on your lips.

Gojo always looks pretty but he looks prettiest like this, worry-free, with love in his eyes and nothing but pure happiness in the way he holds you.

He won’t tell you that Yuuji asked about your anniversary, not if you were together.

At least now he has an answer.

Gojo stares at you like he wants to say something, a thank you maybe, but he bites his lips instead. No words will ever amount to this feeling, he thinks, of his chest expanding and heart hammering. So he kisses you with all of it, trailing soft smacks of his lips down your neck, tickling. The tips of his hair are still wet from his shower, leaving droplets on your skin as he nips.

You laugh—sprinkled in love.

“S-stop!” you push him away, “Satoru,” giggling, “tickles!”

“We have to consummate it now.” he whispers, grabbing you by the waist to place you on his lap, squeezing your sides while nibbling at your neck playfully.

You roll your eyes at his antics, “It’s not–” you laugh out loud when he pinches your hips, “–marriage, Satoru.”

Oh, if only you knew, he thinks.

The image you’ve planted in his head is dangerous when he’s this drunk on love right now.

More decades, more years spent with you? In another life, or maybe even in this one, if time permits, he wouldn’t mind making that come true.

It’s crazy how much things can change—for all his life, he’s ruled out the possibility of love ever taking root in his ribcage.

You’ve managed to make it feel so easy, so good, even when he was shit-terrified not knowing how to love you like he should.

Now, he thinks, how could he ever miss out on love this way? A love this good, with you?

For all of Gojo’s life, he’s never had to be anyone else—always the strongest, the only one. He’s never had to change anything about himself, because what’s there to improve when you’re already the best?

In a way, this is why it works with you. You’ve taken him as he is, all the good and ugly and never asked for anything more than what he can give.

But being this in love with you—it’s foreign. There are pieces within him shifting, all on their own without him knowing.

How he wants to be better, for you. To be good enough to deserve all of it, and give back more of it too.

Gojo doesn’t realize how much love has changed him until he feels it uprooting every insecurity he never even knew existed, pulling it all up to the surface.

When things are going great, it’s hard to imagine them ever going the other way.

“You don’t mean that.” you mumble, voice trembling.

Gojo stares at you, at your lips quivering and the fists clenched to your sides. There are tears collecting in pools by your eyes, and if there’s anything else he hates in this world, it’s seeing you cry.

So why?

Why couldn’t he just shut up?

“Please tell me you don’t mean that,” you take a step closer, gripping the edge of his jacket, “Satoru.” your voice cracks, begging.

It’s an out-of-body experience when Gojo registers that he’s fucked up, and he sees himself now, bird’s-eye-view, and thinks this is the worst thing he could do to you after all you’ve been through.

“I need some time to think,” he says, finally, the only words coming out of his mouth—but he can’t hear himself speaking.

He should have said sorry, taken it all back, he thinks, not make it worse by leaving.

He heads for the door, heart crunching under each footstep away from you.

Is this what being in love’s supposed to do? Break his heart while yours is bleeding?

You’re too good for Gojo, in every sense of the word—and he knows it.

You are far too kind, far too generous, far too patient with him. You give him more love than he deserves, definitely, and admittedly enough, with how he is, you have been settling for the bare minimum but that’s on him, not on you.

He had no right speaking to you the way he did, hurting you with accusations born from insecurities he’s never before had to deal with.

He knows it.

Who accuses you of ‘meddling’ as if everything out of you doesn’t come from the goodness of your heart? Of provoking you with ‘chasing the bare minimum’ as if he isn’t aware that that’s all he’s given you to work with?

Utahime was right in telling you to be careful with him, and he doesn’t blame her for it. He would have done the same.

He should have told you there was something brewing inside of him already—should have talked to you instead of bursting from all the things people have been saying lately.

Gojo hasn’t spoken to you in three days and the feeling this compares to is worse than anything else he’s ever had to face.

He knocks on your door at night, a little past dinner and too early for bedtime. They echo loudly within the walls of your apartment, and you drag yourself up despite your obvious look of heartbreak.

Gojo hears your footsteps and everything moves entirely too slowly; the lock, taking far too long to turn, the gap between the door and the door frame widening incrementally. Even your face comes into view as if in stop motion, frame-by-frame, gradually.

His hands are in his pockets, lips bitten to bleed. He’s pretty sure he isn’t breathing when he takes you in—puffy eyes and a sweater that belongs to him.

(Is it sick of him to say that he still finds you beautiful this way? Even when you look every bit the part of heartache?)

Gojo didn’t have a plan coming here, didn’t have a list of things to say, just the feeling that he needed to talk to you, see you, even just be around you today.

When your eyes meet, it’s quiet. You stare into him for one–two–three– (Can you tell that they’re watery? Can you see they’re puffed up too?) and then open the door wider to let him in. You head straight to the kitchen, never once looking back while dragging your feet.

He stands outside a few seconds more, waiting for you to take it back—but you don’t, so he walks in and closes the door.

He’s been in your apartment plenty of times before, has practically lived in it by how often he stays over. But this is the first time he’s felt wholly out of place, not knowing where to put himself, just standing in the space between your kitchen counter and the living room awkwardly.

You push a glass of water towards him and he can’t stop staring at it—at you, at your fingers that he wants nothing more now but to hold.

Even with all his faults, all his wrongs, you open your arms for him to walk into, allow him in as if he didn’t just hurt you.

And he wants to cry, at the fact that this place still feels like home, at how it’ll always feel that way wherever you go.

How are you still treating him so kindly? Still taking care of him? A glass of water is one too many for someone like him.

You turn away from him to pour yourself your own then he speaks—

“You should be angry with me.” Gojo says softly, but you hear it.

You pause, tilting the pitcher back upright.

“Why aren’t you angry at me?” he says, a little louder this time, more desperate, more pleading.

Why are you never angry at me? he wants to ask.

You turn around to face him, putting the pitcher down.

Under your kitchen lights, his eyes shine like sunlight on the ocean, waves lapping on the shore. You think it might be a trick of the light, but his lips tremble when he closes them, as if he can’t speak any more.

It’s just as you’ve said, there’s no point being angry with him when your heart can never take it.

You always give Gojo the benefit of the doubt, and though he’s hurt you—though this might be the most painful thing he’s told you yet, you know that he’s been under immense pressure lately. Stressed beyond belief from negotiating with the government on policies for jujutsu society.

It’s not an excuse, you know, but Gojo always has his reasons. He'll tell you eventually, you believe that much.

You give him a sad smile, struggling to stop your tears from spilling. His fists are clenched too tightly, nails digging in hard enough to bleed. He hasn’t moved since coming in, so you push yourself off the kitchen sink towards him.

You take his hands first, unfurl each finger pressed upon his palm and rub gently. He cries quietly for a love so pure that only you would attempt to ease his hurt despite the pain he’s dealt you.

You tiptoe second, pulling the sleeves of your (his) sweater before reaching up to wipe his eyes—beautiful and blue just like you’ve always known, droplets of the ocean at your fingertips.

“Be mad,” he whispers, “please.” squeezing his eyes tightly.

It hurts more when you aren’t, he thinks.

His hand comes up to grip your wrist, bringing it down to cup his cheek. You stroke your thumb across his skin, soothing, loving, and that’s all it takes for him to pull you in. He hugs you tight, arms wrapped around you, clutching.

He wouldn’t deserve you. In any life.

Gojo’s never cried this much before, head pressed to your neck as you rub circles along his back, shushing him softly. You start sniffling too, small at first until it turns into soft hiccups when you finally cry.

Your grip on him tightens.

“‘M sorry.” he mumbles, lips moving against your neck.

“‘S–” you hiccup, “–okay.”

“Stop saying that when it’s not,” he presses against you, nuzzling your neck, “I hurt you.”

“Then don’t–” another hiccup, “–call yourself–” hic, “–bare minimum.” you cry harder.

Gojo knows your heart and the tears that leak out of your eyes; he knows they hold pain for more than just yourself but every single person in your life. You, crying now, is evidence of that truth—shedding tears for him not just because of him when he thinks he’s the bare minimum.

This must be what it means to be truly, deeply loved, he thinks, to have someone know what you mean without even having to speak it—to know your heart, and all the good and bad parts of it.

“I don’t think I’m good enough to you,” he admits, pulling himself away from you.

When he sees your face, wet, with your nose and eyes puffed up from crying, he decides that he hates it more than anything else. Makes it sick to his stomach, even.

He cradles your cheeks, thumbs wiping away your tears. A whole hand of his could cover your face entirely, but he always, without fail, holds you delicately.

“That’s not–” hic, “–true.” you gather your breathing, holding him by the wrists as he presses his forehead against yours. “Only I get to decide that. Not anyone, not you.”

You kiss his lips, a small peck before nudging his nose with yours. You soothe each other this way—in the quiet, swaying to your own tune.

“You’re good to me plenty, Satoru.” you whisper, once both of you have settled.

He opens his eyes to look at you, smiling sadly as he cradles your face, “I didn’t mean it.”

Whatever he told you that day, taking it all out on you.

“I know.” you mumble, nodding.

You always do.

Gojo has always loved you, in some type of way—as friends, colleagues, a-little-bit-more-but-less-than what you are today.

But how he feels right now? It’s kind of ridiculous, borderline out-of-hand, and it’s driving him insane.

It’s such a simple, ordinary thing for you to do: you rush up to him, phone in hand and scroll to some video you found online. You’re so excited, a bounce in your step as if he’s the first and only person you want to show this to. Your eyes shine bright with a megawatt smile to match, and you’re talking so, so fast, completely lit up like fireworks in the making.

He knows you think that he’s listening but, he couldn’t care less about it honestly. Sorry. Not when the words go in one ear and out the other, because all that registers is how adorable you are, giddy and everything.

He makes a joke—completely unrelated, but you find it so funny. Then you’re laughing, full on smacking his arm, doubled over, arms hugging your stomach, guffawing. Your feet are kicking the air as you sink deeper into your couch. Gojo’s standing in front of you, post-enactment of some impression he made, and he’s frozen in place but warm all over.

Seeing you laugh like this, smile like this, being so pretty when you’re happy, the pounding in his chest goes crazy.

This isn’t the first time he’s made you laugh; he does it all the time. You almost always roll your eyes and chuckle, sometimes giggle with your eyes squinting and laugh lines creasing. But it might be the first time it’s like this: with you so bright, more than the sun and every other star in the sky.

And he thinks, this is all he could ever want—to make you happy for the rest of his life.

There’s too much of this feeling inside of him, clawing at his throat, itching to get out. He’s filled with it, has been filled with it for so long that it’s starting to overflow and if he doesn’t say this now he might just—

“I’m so in love with you.”

Gojo breathes it out, as if finally releasing it after all this time. You don’t think he processes it because he just stands there, in the middle of your living room, staring at you.

Your laughter dies with maybe a little part of you too (in a good way).

He looks so sweet, so sincere, and you see his heart, so big, so honest and pure. You get flashbacks of every Satoru you have ever known, at 15, 17, 23, to now.

It’s not like either of you don’t know; it’s plain as day, how you feel about each other—and you would have been fine going on without ever having to hear him speak of love this way.

But hearing it now, it’s far better than anything you could have imagined.

You stare at him. He stares at you.

He’s shocked too.

You don’t want to embarrass him, especially if he didn’t mean to say it, so you chuckle, moving on to break the quiet.

“I can unhear it if you want,” you offer shyly, genuinely.

Gojo looks at you, confused, before a pout makes its way onto his face. You sit up on your couch, playing with your fingers as you look up at him.

Sure, he practically blurted it out, maybe in the heat of the moment, or something, but it doesn’t make it any less true. And he’s realizing that the only thing he really wants from this—

“Though…” you continue, biting your lips, “I think I’m pretty in love with you too.”

The little laugh you make has him, completely.

The grin that breaks on his face is infectious. Gojo, who is normally so pale, is now pink all over—red by his ears and down his neck. There’s a sparkle in his eyes that can be found in yours too.

This moment right here feels like first loves—teens first saying ‘I love you’.

“You think?” he asks incredulously, joking, “So you’re not sure?” he walks closer to you.

You laugh, candy for his cravings, and take his hand to kiss each knuckle before guiding it to your cheek. He runs a thumb across your skin, affection on his fingertips. His index finger hooks itself under your chin, tilting it to rest on his stomach as you look up at him.

A kiss to your forehead, tenderly, gently.

The best part about being in love?

He gets to be in it with you.

Gojo can’t sleep.

It’s not anything new—4 hours on average, maybe 6 on a good night. He doesn’t remember a time when sleep ever came easily.

Sleeping with you, beside you, has helped, but it’s never solved the problem. You’ve gotten him to a full 8 hours before, but never consecutively, and he’s starting to think that if you can’t do it, nothing ever will.

Your sleeping positions change every night, but they always come out as some variation of hugging. Gojo firmly believes that he might as well sleep alone if you aren’t touching.

Tonight, you’re spooning, arm slung over his waist and palm right on his chest, fingers interlaced with his. Your legs stay tangled together with soft puffs of air blowing at the back of his neck.

He opens his eyes and checks the clock by his bedside. 3:24 a.m.

He sighs deeply, carefully maneuvering his body to slip away from you. You used to wake up the first few times this happened, worried about an emergency or some kind of accident. Being a sorcerer trains you for things like that.

You’ve always known Gojo had bad sleep, just not the severity of it.

You don’t wake up to it as much as you used to, having grown accustomed to it after more nights together, but on the off-chance that you do, Gojo always kisses your forehead gently as if to tell you that it’s okay, you can go back to sleep.

You don’t wake up now, thankfully, so he grabs his phone and heads for the kitchen. There’s a sinking feeling in his chest tonight, far heavier than others he’s woken up from. He pours himself a glass of water before hopping on the kitchen counter, ready to sort through the bowl of candy sitting on the island.

The date today is October 31. Halloween. It’s been a few years since Shibuya but he still feels like he’s suffocating.

In the train station. In the box.

In front of Suguru—or Kenjaku, both, whatever.

He’s gone to therapy, just like you wanted, for the both of you, and grieving has been an interesting concept to wrap his head around since.

But no matter how much he trains his mind to deal with it, his body will always remember the feeling.

He snaps out of it when he hears your footsteps padding on the floorboards. Your figure emerges from the hallway, bed hair and eyes still sleepy, squinting.

“Satoru?” you rub at your eyes, his sleep shirt entirely too long as the sleeves extend past your fingertips. The extra fabric swings in the air. “You okay?” you whisper, approaching him.

Waking you up is the last thing he could ever want right now, but it’s hard when you’re also the only one he can talk about this with. When you know what it’s like to grieve everyone too.

He has every intention of brushing it off, of telling you to go to sleep, but one look at you—one look at him and it’s like you just know. He doesn’t even need to explain.

It isn’t hard to piece together, knowing what today is and seeing him choked up the way he is. You tell Gojo it’s your intuition, but he has a tell, and maybe you’re the only one who knows it.

His eyes—they’ve always given him away. There’s the Satoru you know, then a Satoru that’s far removed, gone away. You can spot it though, the moment it loses its sparkle, the moment it turns from blue to gray.

He feels a little selfish sharing this with you; he’s not the only one who’s lost people. You have too.

You stand in front of him and offer a sad smile, outstretching your arms as an invite, as if to tell him: you can stay here for as long as you’d like.

He moves into your space slowly, hopping off the kitchen island to slump against you.

He doesn’t hug you yet, not immediately, hands still shaky at the memory. You rub his back, hooking your chin on his shoulder as he bends down to rest his head by your cheek.

You take his hand delicately, bringing them to your lips so you can kiss every fingertip gently. When you finish, he wraps his arms around you, squeezing tightly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you whisper, like a hushed secret.

And he wants to, but also, there isn’t anything else to say that you don’t know already. You were there the first few times he had therapy, and when he felt comfortable enough to go alone, he told you all about it anyway right after.

If there’s a secret to fighting the Gojo Satoru with guaranteed victory, they’d only have to get to you—he’d be gone, entirely. You know too much of him, own too many parts of him already.

He chuckles dryly, vibrating by your neck. A step back and he’s leaning against the counter, bringing you closer by the hip, thumb stroking. He tucks away strands of your hair behind your ear, flattening down the bird’s nest that it is from your sleep.

“Nothing you haven’t heard before, pretty.”

Gojo’s been more tender lately, especially in the night when his piercing eyes turn soft, gazing.

You pout, the same one since you were 16. You don’t know if you’ll ever get used to it, the way he calls you such sweet, honeyed things; you’ve only recently begun to call him ‘baby’ and that alone has been enough to make your head spin.

Still, he wouldn’t be your Satoru if he didn’t surprise you. With how he is now, it’s hard to imagine a time when this was all so difficult for him, when even the slightest bit of your hands touching was challenging.

It’s hard to imagine that both of you are here now, living in the same space, by the kitchen at night, with the contents of your hearts memorized—the sorrow, the pain, the joy, all the love, every single one.

He kisses your nose, and that’s comfort alone.

This is his reality now, with you, and it’s safe.

It’s good.

“Do you want to make waffles?” he hears you mumble, running your hands over his chest, soothing.

The clock reads 3:56 a.m. Early breakfast doesn’t sound so bad, could also be a midnight snack.

(But he knows what you’re doing).

You don’t tell him to try to go back to sleep, never forcing anything you know he can’t do. Instead, you offer yourself to stay up with him, keep him company. Whatever he needs.

(And he loves that about you).

Gojo will forever argue that you might have fallen first, but he’s definitely fallen harder.

He could map out every single location he’s laid his love on—your eyes, the flutter of your eyelashes, the curve of your nose, and your lips, the same ones he’s kissed and nipped, bitten until he gets his fill.

Your neck and chest—a canvas for his desires. He glides a finger across your collarbone before lightly tapping on it thrice.

There’s the little dip at the base of your spine, and your thighs—

Oh, he could get lost in them.

He knows.

He has. Many times.

There’s an animal inside of him that only answers to you.

When you kiss his neck and grip his back, soft moans by his ear—short and sweet. He’s a gone man, wholly devoted to you, and you only.

You breathe his name out, “Satoru,” raspily, and he sinks into you—everything, all that he has spilling in the depths of you.

How can he possibly contain all this love?

It’s scary how so much of him already belongs to you, all these years—how you’ve been carrying pieces of him, all versions of him throughout every birthday, every moment you’ve touched his life and have it irrevocably changed.

“Are you happy?” he mumbles by your ear, voice deep and lazy.

It’s the morning, sunlight barely peeking through your curtains. Gojo hugs you from behind, arms caging you as he traces little hearts on your sides.

“Right now?” you whisper back, chuckling, “That’s not fair.”

He nips at your ear, a small bite, before you turn to face him.

He supposes you’re right, it isn’t fair to ask that now; both your bodies are sore, well-exhausted, and littered with conversations on love.

Gojo is pretty in the mornings just like he is all the time, his hair lending well to sunlight as much as it does to the moonlight. And his eyes—they shine a different shade during the day compared to the night.

You though, you’re an entirely different creature of your own: a goddess in bedsheets and pillows, wrapped in immaculate white.

You giggle when you face him, nose-to-nose, and he pulls you in tighter, grips you by the butt to slot you in right where you belong.

Are you happy with me?

He wonders, and you can read it—his eyes his greatest tell. You kiss him tenderly, lips moving gently against his. Then you smile, sincerely, before whispering—

“Wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

this is a re-upload! (because i accidentally deleted the original one!) thank you notes: to @stellamancer for being there since the very start!! col wouldn’t even exist without you!! you’re every much part of the creation of this as i am :'), to @crysugu for being so ever supportive, cheering me on all the time!! and for loving col reader as much as i do!! and to you reading this and everyone else who has loved this collection so far!! of course!! a credit to all the writers whose works have inspired the way i view and write gojo: to @seravphs for teen dad!gojo and cruel summer influences, i draw so much of the way i understand these characters and their dynamics from you and your beautiful way of writing them and i hope my interpretation gives justice to that!!, to @augustinewrites for keeping up with the fushigojos, this series and the way you write them, with so much love, has always pushed for me to view gojo that way!! you’ve inspired so much of my understanding that gojo does believe in love and that when he falls in it, he falls in it hard!!

comments, tags, and reblogs are greatly appreciated ♡

#ari.🐳#shotorus.feedback #i am getting to this SO LATE #but i appreciate this so much ari i am keeping this tucked in my hEaRT OF HEARTS #matcha latte

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