#every time I think about how my life is goddamn awful I'm just fucking thinking about all the fakers ik in my life

[astralsys]

hi again been a bit... uhhh why'd I wanna make this again? oh right talking about random shit. I do wanna get back into some things I left off with some friends of mine, but due to being me and it being a very hard existence things didnt go as planned and I kinda dropped it and lost interest.... which really sucks cause I have so many ideas for where I wanted to take my story ( working on a kirby au of sorts havent sorted out through the entire thing cause my brain doesnt wanna work with me :/ ) that I wanted to actually bring into existence instead of it all just being in my head or a rough draft. maybe I can push myself into gaining interest again by actually working on it again. what I had orginally thought up is no longer what I wanna go with so new things are hard to come up with. off topic from that I have so many fucking games I need to get back to and the game list keeps getting bigger and bigger its gonna drown me at some point :( whyyyyy do I keep doing this to myself.... doom I'm dooming myself this is what I'm doing. and cause I'm me I'm def gonna be forgetting that I made this post in the first place! dont you love being this mess of a person? isnt this FUN?!

[tibopansy]

i still can't stop thinking about non-it/its users responses to this post. how an awful lot of people think it's fine to refuse someone else's pronouns because of their own discomfort.

let me tell you a story.

i have been dehumanized almost my entire life. a combination of my race, disabilities, and the mental illnesses that i developed very early in my life meant i was treated like a monster. i started coming out as gay too early for my peers' comfort and that only added to that treatment. my dehumanization is enshrined in christianity. i took on the label of monster on purpose because i stopped relating to humanity. why should i want to be a part of a group who did nothing but hurt me and exclude me in the first place?

i don't need to be protected from my own goddamn pronouns. i don't need to hear about the historical dehumanization of queer people and people of color and disabled people because, like a massive majority of the people using it/its, i fucking know. i have for literal decades.

you know what hurts? telling me i don't know what's best for myself, that your discomfort with my life is more important than treating me like someone who can make its own fucking decisions, and misgendering me because you can't handle being reminded of the things that literally continue to happen to me. i'm not a poor unthinking baby that needs to be saved, and neither are the other it/its users.

if you have feelings about it/its, you can process them on your own time, like every other person uncomfortable with a pronoun set.

and for the love of everything unholy just call me by my fucking pronouns.

[nxtaliaistyping]

Need Baron Zemo to fuck me with the mask on :(

Authors note: omg i'm not really into the mcu anymore, but nothing can stop me thinking about this man I need him so badddddd (and daniel bruhl in general tbh)

18+ nsfw, villain kink, mask kink, fingering, rough sex, brief mention of killing

Thinking about being his girl, his pretty thing that sits in his lap while he drinks the most expensive wine in his expensive penthouse (just because he's on the run, doesn't mean he can't be in style)

You know who he is, the things he's done, but you just don't care. Not when he caresses you so gently, cooing soft words in your ear of how beautiful and enchanting he finds you, how much you fill the empty void left within him after Sokovia fell and everyone he loved was wiped out.

And if anything, he's too gentle. Not wanting to frighten you, the poor little lamb that you were, cuddling up to such a dangerous man every night. So he attempts to shield things from you, what he's done and what he's capable of.

But that changes one day, you feel the compulsive need to find out more about your lover, or at least see what he's like when he's the ruthless and strategic criminal that you've been told about. This leads you to following him, not an easy task, but you see how readily he is able to get his hands dirty. Tracking down some old HYDRA agent that has information that is useful to him, and you watch in slight horror and slight awe how he interrogates the man.

Although you have to look away at certain parts, hearing presumably the agent's body hitting the cold ground with a soft thud. While you try and leave quietly, you underestimated how much planning had went into his operation, because on your attempted escape you feel a large hand grab your upper arm, yanking you towards him with force and the start of a threat before he stops.

"dragă? what are you doing here?" he asks, his tone still slightly deeper than usual as you stare into his brown eyes; the only facial features visible while he wears the dark purple mask.

As you stumble over your words, telling him that you wanted to see the real him, he can't help but notice the slight flush of your skin, the way your chest rises and your lips part. In that moment he finally understands.

"Oh...I think I understand now. My little girl likes that i'm so dangerous, hm?" he asks, and you can hear the smirk behind his teasing lilt, his head cocked to one side as you nod, embarassed.

Soon enough, he has you pinned to the wall, hand stuffed between your thighs as he fingers your tight cunt from under your skirt. You whimper and whine at his treatment, and he revels in the fact you're so depraved, so naughty, and all for him.

"Do you like this, hm sreco? I was going to take this mask off, but I have a feeling that isn't what you desire." he rasps against your ear, and you nod breathlessly at how right his assumption was. All you can do is look up at him, clenching and making a mess around his fingers as you whine.

When he pulls his fingers away, he doesn't give you time to recover before you find yourself bent over a wooden crate and his cock is forcing its way in your pussy. He's never treated you as roughly as this before, but something about his girl loving how ruthless he is, wanting him to keep his goddamn mask on, flipped a switch in him as he starts a rough pace. The echoes of his hips slamming into your ass make you flush with embarrassment, gripping the edges of the surface for dear life, pretty nails he paid for digging into the wood.

"So filthy for me, my little girl is nothing but a slut." he groans out, squeezing your ass before giving it a harsh spank. The rhythm of his cock railing you has your eyes nearly crossing, as you try not to think about the fact you're fucking an older man after he's literally just killed someone.

When he cums, he buries himself to the hilt inside of you, feeling the way you tighten around him and squeeze every last drop out. As his breathing returns to normal, so too does his headspace as he rips the mask off quickly, pulling out to shush you gently and hold you in his arms.

"There we are dragă i'm here, i'm right here. I'm sorry for being so rough."

Taking you home, he'd spoil his good girl with a bath and food, but in the back of his mind he's already planning out how he can fuck you like that again.

·:¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨:·

[lotstradamus]

i'm loving all your vampire posting lottie! if you're ever so compelled i'd love to hear what you make of the books vs the show and if there are any book things you'd especially like to see done on the show! (also, bookwise, are you a lestat girl or an armand girl or a louis/marius/david/akasha/claudia girl or or or)

as someone who tried to read Interview with the Vampire thrice (THRICE!!!) pre-AMC show revival and simply could not get through it (it is melancholy), I cannot BELIEVE how down bad I am for these books right now. I keep seeing bad reviews on goodreads and girding my loins for each new book expecting the quality to nosedive, but 1 star bitch WHERE? WHERE??? I AM HAVING THE TIME OF MY GODDAMN LIFE

in terms of books vs show, honestly after a point the books are kind of Unadaptable unless they radically change the main cast, vibe and format of the show every single season, and the changes they made to IWTV were good to the point of sending me fucking insane so they can just keep on doing whatever their little hearts desire with the source material imo!!! howmever I DO have some suggestions for the upcoming seasons:

Lestat crying twice an ep (non-negotiable)

I would kind of love it if Lestat is the only character who tells the truth. the most reliablest narrator and normal girl to ever live. and yet every time he says something like "I killed a pack of wolves single-handedly" or "I woke Those Who Must Be Kept by playing violin" or "I snog my mother with tongue" Daniel is just sitting there like "............riiiight."

Gabrielle. Gabrielle Gabrielle Gabrielle. mainly I would like to smash cut to Gabrielle in the middle of really intense Lestat/everyone else scenes and she's just like peacefully sleeping in the ground... strolling through a distant jungle... sitting on a mountain looking at the stars in silence...

EXCEPT that one scene where she pulls up to Lestat's concert like she's in 2 Fast 2 Furious

it'll be interesting to see how they adapt Queen of the Damned because so little of it is actually from Lestat's pov, and all of it is amazing and cannot be cut out: [Stefon voice] the Twins, Jesse, specifically Jesse being haunted in Louis and Lestat's old New Orleans house, everyone hanging out/playing out terrible interpersonal dramas at the Sonoma compound, NIGHT ISLAND...!

I cannot stress this enough: GHOST CLAUDIA.

I want them to do Body Thief. fuck it, why not. must haves are Mojo, a random hunk with a PhD in Sam Reid's mannerisms playing Lestat for 6/8 episodes, Lestat nearly dying 25 times cos he pilots his human body like a drunk muppet, and, most importantly, Lestat BEGGING David Talbot for some old man pussy

oh and an entire episode set on a cruise ship

my favourite scene from the whole of Body Thief was Lestat turning David at the end against his will cos it was genuinely quite awful and frightening but also. um. you know. awooga

if they include Gretchen, then I would like the opposite of my Gabrielle request for everything post-Body Thief: whenever there's a peaceful, quiet scene it smash cuts to the wilds of South America where Gretchen is absolutely stark raving mad on the floor of a chapel with stigmata

I can't even begin to think about how they'd adapt Memnoch, but regardless I want them to keep the scene where Lestat drinks someone's period blood. thanks

also his cunty little lilac-tinted sunglasses that he will not fucking stop talking about

and finally, human Armand getting drunk and falling into the Grand Canal

bookwise, I am a Lestat girl the house down boots... I love his over-dramatic idiot crybaby ass!!!!! although the final page of Memnoch the Devil made me burst into tears and cry my whole face off until I confirmed that Lestat comes back as the narrator in future books soooo maybe like calls to like. self recognition through the other, etc. I do also get a shot of pure joy every time Armand shows up, especially in Lestat's pov. 'ah, there he was, the Botticelli angel, so beautiful. I fucking hated him. we kissed.' sis THEE dopamine.

currently suffering because I want to a) stop reading the series immediately so I can go back and reread The Vampire Lestat, and yet also b) never ever stop reading the series for love nor money. please help me budget this my family is dying

[adorationmajestic]

Cypress' TLT Fic Recs (October '24)

Aight. I've never made a rec list before but imma give it a try. No ratings, just praise. No, it's not just halloween/fall themed stuff, that just happens to be what month it is right now lol. Visit the whole list on Ao3: here (link to the bookmarker tag).

I have a few categories for you! Something Hot, Something Long, and Something Still Going.

These are from a variety of years and sizes. Most of them are Griddlehark, but I sprinkled some other pairings in like salt bae.

Next time I'll give something a little more organized and varied. Probably.

First category: Something Hot

Hungry Like the Wolf by Slaycinder - GriddleHark (2 chapters, approx. 13k words) There's two tags that stuck out to me, upon first glance. These were: Local Woman Nearly Dies for the Vussy: Says it Was Quote "Worth It", and Unrelated: have you ever seen needlessly badass artwork of wolves and naked women? I think these two tags do, indeed, sum up what happens quite well. Very hot. Gave me those very special spine tinglies that once upon a time told me that I do in fact like women, vampires, and werewolves. You are never gonna guess what three things this fic has.

Between the Lines by Rohad - Griddlehark (8 chapters, approx. 30k) A modern AU: a stunning look into the life of editor Harrowhark Nonagesimus. She's been assigned to work with one of her publisher's favorite little meow meows, Gideon Nav (an erotic fiction author) (who Harrow hates) (even though they've only ever spoken via email). Harrow accompanies the awful horrible Nav to a few conventions for book signings. This one, in as much as I've tagged it as belonging to the "Something Hot" category, is honestly packed full of feels as well. Harrow and Gideon have to learn how to communicate effectively, and how to interact respectfully, and they learn a lot about each other as well. Rohad's reworking of their respective backstories to fit into the modern day has me FLOORED.

I am a conversation by sluggg - PaulDve (1 chapter, approx. 5k) This work caught my eye with the tag Paul stop quoting Steven Universe it is making everyone uncomfortable and honestly I probably wouldn't have noticed the quotes if I hadn't then actively been looking. Sluggg fits them in just perfectly. There are a precious few Paul/Pyrrha works (and they are ALL bangers actually) and this is for sure one of my favorites.

put some goddamn moves on you (god knows you need it) by hoteyedwraith - CamPal (2 chapters, approx. 23k) This one has a very simple premise, but it really hits home for me. I can relate to Camilla in this modern AU in a very real way, and it felt very very good to reach the end of this work and see the metaphorical light at the end of the tunnel. Cam has a bit of an issue, but she doesn't know what the problem is. But it is fixable, and Palamedes lends a hand.

If you've noticed a theme so far, yes. I like my horny with a pinch of sad. What are you gonna do about it.

Second category: Something Long (For those of us who like em big)

The Process of Elimination by zoicite - GriddleHark (8 chapters, approx. 122k) That Regency AU from HtN! The two tags I would like to highlight are; Season 1 of The Bachelorette: Canaan House and Fake/Pretend Relationship. It is probably a general fanfic staple that every pairing MUST have at least one fic where they pretend to be in love and then slowly fall in love for real. It's a classic, and it never fucking gets old. I stayed up til about 4am reading this for three nights in a row. I'm not a slow reader, by any means, but this one hits different after 10pm honestly (when my emotions are at their easiest to sway) and if you can handle that sort of sleep gymnastics (and you brain works similarly) I would recommend giving that a try.

Cataclysmic Variable Star by Elldritch - GriddleHark (101 chapters, 190k exactly) I stayed up reading this one until I passed out about an hour before my alarm went off. I DO NOT RECOMMEND DOING THAT. This one, you want to have full command of your faculties because this one will make you think. It is a Harrow Nova AU rewriting of GtN and HtN (written before NtN released!) and is a beautiful piece of literature. You want a full night of sleep before grabbing this one by the reins! It is fabulously put together, drawing everything that needs to happen from each of its sources, but with a twist at each turn that you certainly won't see coming.

orbits, eccentric, on course for collision by Stacicity - DiosApate (9 chapters, approx. 76k) The timeline of HtN as told by Augustine Quinque. I might have gone slightly insane and left 800+ word comments on each chapter, which goes to show just how invested I have been in this. Looking at that word count, you might go "Huh. That's not that much, Cy. That's less than half the size of the last one." You would technically be right. But the way with which Augustine perceives time might change how you feel about that. Even if you aren't writing whole essays in the comment section, this one goes by slower somehow. I recommend pulling it up and then having an extra tab open to look up a few of these words in a dictionary. Stacicity has (correctly) decided that Augustine would use a lot of high-level words. This is, frankly, above my reading level (/joke).

Third category: Something Still Going

God Is Dog Spelled Backwards by labyrinthineRetribution - GriddleHark (more than 8k) As of writing this list, this work has 2 chapters. The plot has just gotten started, and I'm intrigued. This title stands out from the crowd in terms of the way it handles the setting (modern AU, somewhere in Aotearoa). Gideon really is the saddest girl in the world, I think, in a very complicated sort of way. I will wait patiently for as long as it takes to see this story develop.

Dividers by enchanthings

[weebsinstash]

Dunno if you watched SK8 the Infinity, but one important conflict is literally the protagonist Reki becoming extremly insecure and unmotivated in skating after seeing how his new friend Langa (a snowboarder) who has barely started skating is a prodigy and so much better at it than him, who has been skating since he was a child.

Langa is naturally talented at skating while Reki works hard and still cannot measure up to someone who just started, which makes him consider quit skating altogether and leads him to distance himself from Langa because of insecurity and jealousy.

Those type of scenarios just pull at the heartstrings, you know?? Like there is nothing worse than working hard and still feeling inferior to the people around you, which DOES make for juicy angsty scenarios :)(

No but literally those are the kinds of plots where you kinda immerse yourself in the grief and it can be empowering to see your underdog recover, but also GOD is that shit so depressing and hits close to home, for real the kind of plots I soak up and throw pity parties for myself for lol

You know I've been pretty open about it but like, every so often I get compliments on my writing that are very sweet, but ultimately I do have to acknowledge like 😅 I AM basically a self taught high school drop out. So especially when I personally start writing about these sorts of stories "lol what if Reader is a depressed fucking loser absolutely struggling through the mediocre machinations of life and has Strong Hot Person come save them" like. You know where that's coming from lmao 😂 extremely unsettle but I figure what I write is usually relatable enough that it's like why the fuck not be a little personal sometimes

God though I had initially considered that when I was talking about like the Spiderverse You vs YouTwo ideas, initially considered making YouTwo drastically superior to you, but the route I've decided on is, you're on equal footing and there are certain things you each do better than the other but, seeing them be better than you at anything is salt in your wounds since you're feeling replaced.

I also like obviously have mentioned it several times but like. Living with Damian Wayne specifically would be absolute awful for this scenario, especially if you make your yandere mean or whatever. Like you could be minding your own goddamn business doing your favorite hobby and have this snot nosed fucking 10 year old (this one, the nasty one, before he gets tamed down, potentially by you?) and he's just like "that's not how you're supposed to do it" and physically takes it out of your hands, does it for you, and explains to you what you were doing wrong the entire time

Like imagine platonic yandere Damian who can't communicate his feelings for shit and is still deep in his Little Hellion Phase so you think he's just constantly insulting you and trying to show how much better and smarter than you he is when in reality he's just like. Very Poorly being like, "oh, a chance to show my sibling how cool and smart I am, and then I can teach them and they'll like me :) and they like to learn new things so I should teach them as much as I know and they can feel smart too :)" and on your end you're thinking he's an egotistical MEAN little kid who's making you extremely insecure and feel worthless and stupid and maybe sometimes often he's, not always using the best language with you because he wasn't really raised with kindness. "Why would you think THAT'S how you do it?" With a tone like youre a fucking idiot, "I don't understand what you're not seeing, I've been doing this for years and I'm an actual child"

like genuinely it's all of those "someone else one upping you" ideas but WORSE because you can't leave this fucking house and he's TEN. Youve got a fucking TEN YEAR OLD physically and mentally one upping you CONSTANTLY with the mental abilities of like a fucking adult man. I feel like the entire family being trained in violence, you'd think they would understand having like a physical fight and have probably had many themselves, but the second YOU lose your temper and put a hand on any of THEM, SACRILEGE. Damian couldve been saying the cuntiest things to your face and the SECOND you swing on him, just absolutely lose your shit, suckerpunch that brat in his face, give him a literal black eye that he didn't block because he didn't expect his beloved sibling to hit him, Bruce is UP YOUR ASS about, "you know better than this! That's your brother!!" like straight up, I think messing with one of the Robins or members of his family is the fastest way to have yandere Bruce lose patience with you and do something less loving. Takes away privileges, grounds you, makes you do labor around the house or labor for him in the cave or Damian, forces you to apologize and also acknowledge "that my brother just wanted what was best for me 🙄"

He's the kind of overbearing calculating shit where he waits until everyone is at the family dinner table and he casually pauses in between spoonfuls of soup, "so I see sister has been sneaking out of the house. You didn't do a very good job of washing the cigarette smoke out of your jacket" ousting you in a double whammy combo for sneaking out without permission AND smoking, and of course you're responding something like "you little PRICK!!" and now Bruce is standing up, jabbing a finger towards the stairs as he demands you go to your room with the unspoken threat that's he's coming up there to speak to you about this after everyone eats

Like legit living in that house would be a nightmare because everyone is gifted and everyone's doing somersaulting backflips and it's like. Lmao my knees pop when I stand up :) you're all like insanely gifted in your fields and I'm like. Normal. Some would say a simple minded burnout, even. Like. Lmao. Imagine a scenario where you're still independent and doing your own thing bur Bruce is, you know yandere mode and keeping tabs on you, and he's constantly trying to like, nudge you towards better opportunities. You're in costume on a rooftop and suddenly he's asking you about your schooling. You're working a shitty day job and one day the in universe equivalent sends you am email "based on your qualifications, this employer is interested in your resume" and its a super well paying WayneTech job that you. Turn down because you'd either fail the drug test and don't think you're good enough lmao. Bruce just tearing his hair out as he decides "ok fine I'll make your life better by force" and just starts buying your apartment building and where you work or some shit so he can improve your quality of life from the outside

[morningstarwrites]

I have realized that my awkwardness allergy comment the other day may have come off the wrong way, so in an attempt to remedy that I'm gonna list everything that was SO GOOD about the last chapter.

Niffty getting a "disguise". What little description you gave I imagine her twirling in an Alice-style pinafore. Now I wanna draw American McGee Niffty, blue dress and bloody knife. Also the Cherub being so accepting and nice to her? Great.

Emily. Just everything about Emily, I love her. Especially with Lucifer. I adore her being super chill about him fucking up her name and I need more of that in this fandom. EMILY & LUCIFER BONDING!!! And her genuinely calling him beautiful and him not getting it? Ow my fucking heart. Even more when Alastor seems to notice Lucifer doesn't get it and I just imagine him being struck by a hint of jealousy at the compliment, and then immense frustration that Lulu is so clearly oblivious to how lovely he is. Delicious.

Alastor having boosted Lulu's confidence in his wings? Alastor KEEPING THE FEATHER? T^T Also I lose my shit every time you bring something back from previous chapters. Not enough people do that shit in their writing and it is wonderful.

Alastor being absolutely haunted by Angel's little comment lol. All while knowing that Lucifer, while likely aware of the implication, was not at all thinking about it when he did it. This being of Pure Temptation having the most innocent thoughts behind a perceived lewd act is amazing and adorable and I fucking love it.

Them bickering over ice cream because Alastor is a little shit I love how dumb they are.

Angel's FUCKING ACRONYM lmao because he would.

Alastor being comfortable enough overall with Lucifer to be willing to pretend to make out with him in public despite wanting to crawl out of his skin at the concept? iofhihisifoishuoisdh

How goddamn smooth Lucifer is when putting on a performance of seduction. He is THE Original Temptation and I love it. And him still being mindful of Alastor's comfort and not actually kissing him? AAAAAAAAA 1000% better than if he'd actually kissed him this gives me life. Beauty incarnate in words.

Lucifer finding Alastor's anxious-unxperienced-yet-smooth flirtation incredibly hot and then being startled by the thought despite, y'know, everything else that's happened. XD Can't blame him since the number of relationships he's had can be counted on one hand if not one finger, but he's so internally oblivious I cannot.

"Have you been doing this with other people?" Alastor actually being somehow surprised that this millennia-old, gorgeous, adorable eldritch being, known for THE first temptation into sin, fucks? Despite the blatant evidence in Charlie's existence? And being upset about it? And additionally feeling like he needs to know about Lucifer's sexual history for...reasons? Possessive much? XDDDD

And then being stunned silent at the suggestion and likely realization that he is, in fact, jealous, and probably still not knowing why? And Lucifer's oblivious teasing and then absolute confusion and awkwardness when Alastor DOESN'T DENY IT UGH had me kicking and screaming like a teenage girl.

And again, I'm hyper-sensitive to awkward so me being uncomfy isn't unexpected when Lucifer is by nature an awkward little bean. It can be a sign he's being written well! And your writing is so good that I keep coming back and I'm hoping I'm building up a tolerance. That would be good for me. ^^; I look forward to every Friday for this!

Anyway, hope you're having a marvelous day and you know your worth, that worth being AMAZING. okaybai

Aw were you worried? Thank you so much, I appreciate you clarifying your thoughts!

I love Emily, definitely want more of her! And THANK YOU, I have a million references to previous chapters - as I was trying to compile them into my Fun Facts section it just got too long so I couldn't include them all haha.

I'm a romantic so I want their first kiss to be really beautiful and meaningful!! Super thankful for your message. Very sweet of you 🥰

[saturnine-saturneight]

OC Questionnaire Tag

Tagged by @gioiaalbanoart [here], @the-golden-comet [here] [here] and [here], @rotting-moon-writes [here] and probably more that I'm missing! I am not on top of my activity tab. At all.

My questions:

What would you do if your enemy asked for help?

Would you ask your enemy for help?

Do you act on impulse, or do you think before you act?

What is your happiest memory?

What do you wish to achieve?

How far will you go to reach your goals?

What never fails to make you laugh?

How can you tell if you’ll get along with someone?

Do you prefer sweet, savory, sour, or salty snacks?

What was your favorite childhood toy?

What has been your worst injury?

Where do you go when you need to think?

Doing this for Nat and Ron.

1. What would you do if your enemy asked for help?

Nat: "Laugh in their face about it. Or - wait, no. How exploitable is the situation, exactly?"

Ron: "Question the fuck out of the whole thing. I mean, probably a trap, right? But if they're sincere, I dunno. Depends on the enemy? I'm trying to come up with people I'd actually consider that and I'm kinda coming up empty, though."

2. Would you ask your enemy for help?

Nat: "Not over my dead body. I solve my own goddamn problems, I don't need that kind of help."

Ron: "Is this a hypothetical where they're, like, the only person who can help me? Then yeah dude, probably. I'd have to figure out what they could want from me in return that I can give without getting tangled in anything."

3. Do you act on impulse, or do you think before you act?

Nat: "I think before I act, of course. I'm a creature of intellect. I plan." [They don't.]

Ron: "Way more often on impulse than I'd like, that's for sure." [He's also wrong about this.]

4. What is your happiest memory?

Nat: "I'll pass on this question. Those memories are mine, thank you very much." [They're thinking hard, but they're coming up empty.] "Oh. Being picked out by Bishop. But you can see how that went for me."

Ron: "I dunno, nothing really sticks out. I like the days best where nothing happens and we're just hanging out. With most of the rest of the happy memories, they usually involve escaping by the skin of my goddamn teeth from something and being happy I get to live another day, lol." [Please don't say lol out loud, Ron.] "Man, that night that we decided to hit the bricks and run away together was really cool, though. Just the three of us, right? Me, Teo, and - y'know." [He rubs the back of his neck.]

5. What do you wish to achieve?

Nat: "I just need to make one good contribution to the field of blood flowers. I need to leave my mark before I die, and if that doesn't work out, then I need somebody to take my field notes and publish them for me posthumously."

Ron: "I don't know, man. I don't think I'm living the kind of life where you achieve shit! More of an accomplishing kind of deal, you know? Let me use that in a sentence: Nat and me are accomplishes in crime :P"

Nat: "That was terrible."

Ron: "You don't fucking appreciate me."

6. How far will you go to reach your goals?

Nat: "Don't ask me that. You aren't going to like the answer."

Ron: "Depends on the goal? I like ferretting out solutions to shit, but I'm not super keen on putting myself in danger."

7. What never fails to make you laugh?

Nat: "Someone tripping over something. Gets me every time."

Ron: "People-watching and talking shit with Nat."

8. How can you tell if you'll get along with someone?

Nat: "When that somebody isn't incredibly useless, I will generally be fine with them." [Nat doesn't get along with other people in general.]

Ron: "If they're not immediately trying to kill me?" [Even then he'll consider it.]

9. Do you prefer sweet, savory, sour, or salty snacks?

Nat: "I don't snack an awful lot. When I do, it's usually salty, though. I drink more water than the average person, so I need to mind my salt intake."

Ron: "Sour all the way, fuck yeah. You know those super long rolled up candy snake things with the fizzy powder? Those are the shit."

10. What was your favorite childhood toy?

Nat: "Ugh, I'm not sure. A doll, probably? Who gives a damn." [Nat doesn't remember the majority of their childhood.]

Ron: "Stones? We used to play with stones a lot. You know, skipping them, doing board games on the ground, stuff like that."

11. What has been your worst injury?

Nat: "Getting the entirety of my shoulder degloved, I would say. Does the word degloving apply to body parts that aren't hands? If it doesn't, then it should."

Ron: "The eye thing." [Which he doesn't want to talk about.]

12. Where do you go when you need to think?

Nat: "Into my field notebook or my notes app on my phone, generally. I like to write things out and see how I feel."

Ron: "Rooftops? Road trips too. Somewhere quiet."

Bonus questions for you:

If you had to pick an item of clothing or an accessory to wear for the rest of your life, what would it be?

If you were forced to forget one memory, what would you choose?

What is a positive thing your worst enemy would say about you?

(Re)Tagging gently:

@paeliae-occasionally @rotting-moon-writes @marlowethelibrarian @tragedycoded @noblebs

@writingrosesonneptune @davycoquette @the-golden-comet @gioiaalbanoart @chauceryfairytales + open

Feel free to do any of these, none of these, whatever you like.

[stereax]

☕️ things you think the nhl genuinely does well for their players? And/or things you wish could/would change in the org?

I think, to start, you need to overhaul how player safety works. The lack of consequences for players is nuts. Repeat offenders need to be penalized appropriately. You can't let dangerous players like Matt Rempe continue to be the poster children for CTE.

Player assistance - I'm not sure how effective this is. We've had players like Valeri Nichushkin fail it; we've had former players like Scott Darling deride it. We've also had players like Spencer Knight and Connor Ingram who've cited the help they get from it as crucial to their mental health.

THE MEDICAL STAFF. Oh my god the medical teams are AWFUL in the NHL. I know it's the standard to play through injuries but holy fuck. On the Devils alone we had three cases of medical staff failing to spot a concussion or other major injury after a head hit and letting players continue to play for several more shifts before pulling them. You hear actual horror stories annually of players saying "oh, I messed up my shoulder in game 4 and played with it the entire season" (Tim Stutzle) or "oh, my knee's been fucked since January, sorry for not putting up more points" (Elias Pettersson) or "oh, I played a playoff game with a broken sternum and I couldn't even dress myself, so if I got hit there, there's a chance I could have died" (Matthew Tkachuk). We're seeing that players who prioritize their health, who sit out to recover instead of pushing their bodies (think Sidney Crosby here) are able to continue playing at a high level past 35, when previously this was considered too old to be a top talent NHL player.

Tying into that, LTIR. Teams need to be incentivized to use LTIR so that their stars can heal, goddamn it. You tell me "close the cap circumvention loopholes", I reply "I'd prefer if players are playing healthy and not forced to play while hurt, and LTIR is a major step in allowing players to heal without penalizing a team for their injuries". I don't know why it's a buzz topic now that teams like Vegas are "abusing LTIR" - good??? Every team in the league should "abuse LTIR" if it means helping to preserve the quality of life for its players down the line??? Why is this controversial???

But also - players who are definitely not coming back to play in the NHL (think Shea Weber, Carey Price, Nicklas Backstrom) should have the ability to retire without losing out on the final years of their contract while not penalizing the teams with them on their roster. Currently, these players undergo "LTIRetirement", a process where they're stashed on the LTIR until their contract is up, at which point they officially retire. This not only disadvantages the teams carrying these contracts but also puts unnecessary burdens on these players. Think how the 2018 WJC perpetrators were considered "NHL non-roster", effectively having no cap hit, and do something similar for LTIRetirement.

Just... eugh, I really wish some fundamentals about hockey culture and the culture of injury were changed. Every time I hear about how a player is trying to regain day-to-day functioning after an injury (go read up on Tanner Pearson's hand injuries and how the Canucks bungled the surgeries), part of me dies inside. Jack Eichel literally had to force his own trade out of his team because the Sabres weren't willing to give him medical autonomy. Which is another thing - the player should ALWAYS have final say in their injury treatment, not the teams. Whoever decided that... I'm shaking my fist.

[persephonememes]

* (  THE GOOD WITCH BY MAISIE PETERS /  SENTENCE PROMPTS

" it's still me here "

" did you think i forgot about you? "

" i'm still upset "

" it's armageddon "

" i'm still a good witch with her tea "

" all i do is think about the past "

" i still argue like my mother and suppress stuff like my dad "

" i still miss you "

" i still miss you but i know now it will pass "

" i will try forgiveness, but i will not forget "

" was it a love affair? "

" i couldn't escape you "

" if it was a first kiss how come it felt like a snakebite? "

" i wish i would've seen it sooner "

" why did it take me ages to say it? "

" i'll leave you behind but that don't mean it's easy "

" nobody actually happy and healthy has ever felt so desperate to prove it "

" i feel like all of my exes have done that "

" it felt like a face slap "

" it keeps hurting "

" you're still there "

" you look better "

" what the fuck? "

" you still get to me "

" you got every single thing you want "

" you are pretentious "

" i gotta get my act together "

" i know that i should know better "

" i don't think i wanna get better "

" i just keep looking back at you "

" it sawed me right in half "

" now you're living the goddamn dream "

" you were it for me "

" i know i gave you all of myself "

" i'm watching you moving on "

" do you love her/him/them? "

" the worst way to love somebody is to watch them love somebody else "

" was I just an idea you liked? "

" i still can't make it make any sense "

" i thought it would be us for life "

" how's it feel to have made me cry? "

" will you tell me just one more lie? "

" loving you was easy, that's why it hurts now "

" i was treading water till the minute we met "

" i know it didn't last "

" i still want you back "

" maybe that's for the best "

" i am not allowed to want you any longer "

" i'd be yours again tomorrow if you wanted "

" i bet you've thrown away our photographs "

" you look like a superstar "

" it was letting go of everything but you "

" i hadn't thought of home twice "

" if we're living the dream, i hope we never wake up "

" i take in clowns like a one-woman circus "

" you're kinda awful, but you're not awful on purpose "

" oh, mr bruce wayne, where is that cape now? "

" don't you know that you're losing this? "

" don't you see what i'm giving up? "

" you can't even text "

" what did you expect? "

" i'm on a one-way trip to take over the world "

" you could've come, but your head's in the sand "

" you pushed me out quicker than it took me to put my jeans on "

" maybe you're lost and just can't see what you have but i'm not gonna wait "

" don't you see what what you're giving up? "

" i'm not holding my breath "

" i know how your tone works "

" i know you remember "

" i'm the best thing that almost happened to you "

" i'm the greatest love that you wasted "

" we could live off of magic and maybes "

" you're evasive on the phone "

" i'll still flinch at the sound of a door "

" i could love you and wait 'til you're ready "

" what happened here? "

" you swore a lot of things "

" i've been lied to before "

" i've heard some things that i will leave unrepeated "

" if a man says that he wants you in his life forever, run! "

" i wish i'd known "

" i wish i hadn't let go "

" when we said goodbye, i wish i hadn't let go "

" you were driving fast, i was holding back "

" i loved you, babe, but i bet you knew that "

" you said we're like your mom and dad "

" i was yours so fast, i was scared so bad "

" i loved you, did I tell you that? "

" but if I'm tricky, why'd you kiss me? "

" love's a verb and not a bandage "

" i'm good at pretending "

" i kept it in but it wrecked my organs "

" so pour the gin "

" i'm gonna throw you down the river "

" if you don't love me, what was april? "

" it broke me big time "

" i've been treated carelessly "

" in the bed of poison oak you were the remedy "

" i couldn't ask anymore "

" i know it's wrong "

" but now you're gone, i can't sleep "

" i'm just talking to your memory "

" you swore that you'd be there for me "

" now your touch will last for centuries "

" at least I had you for this long "

" you gave me the world "

" you gave me your word "

" it built me like a promise 'til it broke me like a curse "

" i knew loving you was letting you leave "

" i'm dating but just dating for sport "

" i'm doing better "

" i thought i gave you the best of me "

" i can finally breathe "

" the love we had was eating me whole "

" i don't need your light to be lit "

" i just should've known when to quit "

" now i'm over the worst of it "

" i tried to rewrite it, but i can't "

" i've pleaded with the powers and their plans "

" the men start wars yet troy hates helen "

" women's hearts are lethal weapons "

[ghostaholics]

ᴇɴᴅ ᴛɪᴍᴇs

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader Warning(s): age-gap (reader probably in mid 20s or so); angst A/N: Because I'm too lazy to write a full fic so here's literally a short piece of what I'm sure would've been something if I had the motivation

JOEL ALWAYS SAID THIS ABOUT YOU – born young enough to grow up in a world that had nothing to offer; you didn’t watch it decay like he did where it used to be half-decent and you could find your place in life before everything went to shit – had grown into something inhospitable and terrible and bitter to the core. No, to you, it was just rotten from the very beginning: broken dreams and scattered ashes littering the filthy ground, a bunch of "what-ifs" and "maybes" and no room for shades of gray when it came to seeing things in black and white because the darkness won out and snuffed out the rest of all that was light and good as the sickness descended like the goddamn Rapture; it wasn’t just the infected that remained – the only people left navigating the wreckage were those with cruel hearts and nasty intentions.

"Well, it's not all that awful," you say, murmuring into the opening of your thermos as you stare fixedly at the last the last few remnants of stew at the bottom. "You're here. I guess that sorta makes up for it."

His figure is hunched over the fire he recently smothered. Even though his back is facing you, the tension in his body is apparent. Rigid – the same way he stiffens up when danger's nearby. "Don't say that kinda stuff." (And it sounds just as serious as “Stay behind me,” or “Run,” whenever hell’s at your both of your guys' heels.)

But you keep on rambling anyways – Pandora's box cracked wide open like a gaping maw that spills secrets, ones that should have never been let out – won’t fucking shut up about it even if you can help it now. And maybe it's not fair to put this kind of burden on him; maybe it's selfish of you to tell him, no matter how wrong it is, but each day could be your last and getting this off your chest might mean one less stupid problem to worry about. It's not like he doesn't know. Not after what happened back in Colorado, anyways. That had made it clear as day if it wasn't already obvious before. "After everything we've been through, I bet you still think of me as that same kid that got under your skin when we first met," you say absentmindedly. It doesn't come out in an accusatory tone, just an observation.

The stress leaches into his voice, washing over every word. Joel's on guard. Walls up. He shakes his head slowly, like a warning. "You've got no idea what you're talking about."

You lean back, transferring your weight into your wrists. "So I'm not right, then?" you ask it innocently enough.

He's moving around, double-checking that all the gear's in place. Of course, he's avoiding any eye contact. "We've got to head out in ten. Now's not the time for this kind of conversation."

"Almost a thousand miles left. All we really have is time. Look, Joel whatever you've got to say, I can handle it. You don't need to spare my feelings.”

He’s fidgeting with his watch as if the strap’s suddenly too tight – a habit he doesn't indulge in often, but one that you've noticed once in a blue moon. Maybe he developed it because of you. Always so sure of himself, but you're the one person who's managed to upend everything. "Get your —"

" —guns are in my pack," you finish for him. It's routine at this point. He's predictable. You know what to expect. "Is it because—"

He cuts you off too. "It's a bad idea." There's a finality to his voice.

So he's thought about this before.

"We've had worse ones."

“People like you don’t end up with people like me,” he says. "Shouldn't."

And you’re taken aback because out of everything that you expected it most certainly wasn’t that.

The ticking of a secondhand, booming – can’t be his watch because that’s been shattered for years – off-rhythm, way too fast; it’s your heart thrashing violently behind the cage of your chest. You reach for him, fingers curling around his wrist. Your thumb meets his pulse point and you feel the constellation of tiny scars across the expanse of his weathered skin. He’s warm. Alive. “That’s not — Joel, c’mon, you don’t seriously believe that—”

His eyes flickers down to where the two of you are joined before dragging back up to meet your gaze. "I’m not infected like the rest of ‘em, but this disease turns men into monsters, corrupts them until they're the most twisted versions of themselves. I've done things that I'll never be able to come back from, and when we’re done here, you’re better off finding something else.”

As if you could ever. That's next to impossible. "I've seen all of the ugliest and messiest parts of you and it doesn't change a single thing. I still want you just as bad."

[teawithsatanx]

okay, look. i've been having some weirdass dreams recently. it's been a thing. but last night was probably my magnum opus and i want to share it with the world. for science.

i'm getting married to the least likely person i'd ever marry in my entire life; elon fucking musk. trust me i know, its disgusting and mkaes me ill thinking about it. my bridemaids line behind me is long, 10 really famous celebrities long. my maid of honor? cate blanchett. why her? not sure! i enjoy her as an actress but she's not one of my favorites.

we're at the vows part of the wedding, where grimes is my officiant. because obviously. its the best place for her to be. and we're at the bit where "if any who object to this union wants to object, step up now or forever hold your peace" (actually she might have said peas here now that i think about it). and there is a massive crowd as the audience but its been dead silent this whole time and continues to be.

then... i hear it. the sound of my bouquet dropping and cate blanchett's heels moving behind me. i turn to face her, but that's not cate blanchett. its angelina jolie (who was apparently my 8th bridesmaid). and her mouth is open and even though she's right next to us on the altar she screams as loud as she can "I OBJECT!"

i gasp in such a way that makes one feel the hurt and pain of the objection, shock and awe rippling through my body as if i cannot believe my maid of honor, angelina jolie, would ever do such a thing to me.

so angelina and i argue for at least ten minutes about the sanctity of marriage and how deep my love for elon musk goes (disgusting by the way. hate it). and eventually i get sick of arguing with her, and turn to elon who has been silent this entire time. just standing there with a smirk on his face as if he expected this shenanigans or something.

practically sick with the way my wedding day turns out and how elon is looking at me i state, "alright, if you're so smug. pick me. choose me. love me." and if you greys anatomy girlies know the pain behind that quote you know it was said with feeling.

and for some odd reason bringing out this specific quote makes elon freeze up and his jaw drop, eyes wide. like he would never expect me to break out such harrowing quotes. maybe he and i bonded over our love for medical dramas i dont know.

then, he steps down from the altar and down into the aisle and it suddenly smacks me that maybe im getting married in Notre Dame. small detail to notice on such an important moment.

elon lets out a world-weary sigh and looks out the stained glass window where golden hour is at its end and then looks back at me then angelina jolie. that gets her to stop trying to yell at me even though i'd given up ages ago and she turns to elon too.

then it hits me. i know where this story is going and im not ready for it. i remember feeling physically ill about the realization but i cant stop it now.

elon takes the time to divulge a story about his childhood as a little boy in an emerald mine. he was exploring one of the mines and finds a trove of fairies trying to hide from his father's greed. they try to get him to help, to take them where its safe and they can be free. elon refuses and they curse him for it. man by day. ogre by night. only until true love's first kiss.

just as he finishes the story he lifts up to the air and transforms in a bright golden light into a hideous ogre, causing every single one of my bridesmaids except angelina jolie to faint.

and i wind up just standing there, gaping because i wound up being farquaad in this whole ordeal and angelina jolie is goddamn shrek.

and i can like. tell im being pulled away, fade to black style, but even when i cant see i still hear them say two more things to one another.

"but im supposed to be beautiful" elon whispers, obviously crying.

angelina jolie laughs softly and mutters "it's okay. i have a kink. we can work it out."

[nerdyvocals]

A continuation of this post, more quotes from me and @look-at-those-niceass-rocks watching Pink Ladies together, this time episodes 4-7 (again shared with permission, and since the cast is in the house, @saveourpinks, please enjoy our unhinged dumbassery):

Principal Nicholson is a fuckin' weenie

(during Sorry to Distract) I am looking respectfully. I am looking SO respectfully. Their husband, distantly: I doubt that Me: *WHEEZE*

(During Carelessly) The true bisexual experience is not knowing which one of them you would rather be making out in the park with. (I am pan but I concur)

(@ Buddy) OH POOR FUCKING BABY, find purpose outside of your socially assigned tasks

Fucking of course his name is Leonard

Them: I would've gone fucking feral for this show in high school. Both of us, in sync: I'm going fucking feral for it now

Me: Anyway, rest in peace Cynthia Zdunowski, you would've loved they/them pronouns Them: *CHOKE*

Wally: I'm kinda hungry Them: Looks like she's kinda thirsty

(About Richie and Jane "needing to talk") That has spiked MY anxiety and I'm not even Jane. I would have been CHASING that little shit down.

(When Vaughn told Lydia to help Cynthia) I want a very sexually charged line reading session between the two of them and if I don't get it I Will Cry-- Levi, I don't like the way you're laughing right now

(Note I couldn't breathe for a Hot Minute, I forgot they somehow hadn't seen any spoilers for this show)

Richie: Jane's my girl, not my boss Them: YOu are wrong, she is both. I've seen the way you look at her I'm not a fuckin' idiot.

Me: Anytime I see Lydia or Cynthia I just embody that one quote- Did you ever watch Boy Meets World? Them: What, no? Me: Hang on, there's a quote from Shawn, I'll find it (Note it took me five minutes to find this clip, 2:00-2:09 if you're curious, but the quote is: Aw to heck with it, marry me! I live in a trailer park and I have no education but my hair does this!)

The entirety of Merely Players consisted of a stream of: fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

(@ Mr. Pedo Man) You deserve beige you piece of shit

KEEP EVERY PART OF YOUR BODY AWAY FROM THIS LITERAL CHILD

(After Jane and Richie's fight) Think about the last time a boy gave her his jacket you fucking dipshit, you goddamn weenie.

(Honorable mention: Both of us replying to everything Richie said in that argument with "Yeah, it is about her, it's her life, what's wrong with her wanting an education???")

Me: I love how the most scathing insult you can think of is to call someone a weenie, are you eight? Them: It's fifties appropriate!

Vaughn: You are a revelation! Them: Yeah, she's a revelation to my fucking sexuality

Them: [Husband], they're lesbians! Husband, nowhere near the computer: I know

(Jane got more votes) HEHEHE GET FUCKED

Me: I love how quickly your opinion of this man changed from the first episode, you were ready to simp and now you hate him Them: YEAH BECAUSE i THOUGHT HE WAS NICE I WAS BAMBOOZLED AND I'M MAD ABOUT IT.

Jane and Buddy: *kiss at the end of episode 4* Them: I am going to bite his nose off

Lydia: You swallow your consonants Them: Well you were swallowing her tongue a minute ago, that probably didn't fucking help Me: *choking on drink*

(during Girl's Can't Drive): Mama I'm a Big Girl Now walked so this song could fucking RUN

Them: So when does Hazel get a jacket? Me: I have no idea what you're talking about, shut up

(After me reading them the discrepancies between the amount of Thesbians fics on AO3 to literally anything else) I am addressing this to every single person who writes in this fandom, puh-LEASE seek therapy

Me: *short rant on how I Cannot Resist a Butch in a White Tshirt* Them: I'm just obsessed with [Lydia's] robe, I wanna take it...off. [Husband]: *unintelligible* Them: THE ACTOR IS AN ADULT I CAN FIND THEM ATTRACTIVE

(after I pointed out that Lydia keeps staring out the window at the Frosty Palace like she's waiting for someone) I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

Me: I have a fic for you Them: if it's more Potato, I'm down

Olivia: *slaps Richie* Them: She could wake me up like that, I wouldn't complain

I would be a 1950s housewife for Potato

Them: I am no longer simping for Richie Me: He's having a hard time right now Them: I know this, and I will resume simping later when he's done being stupid

T-Birds: *having a heart-to-heart* Them: *sniff* They're all coming over to my house and I'm making them soup and bread

Richie: I think I'm in love (one tear catches light) Both of us, Supernatural veterans: ~a single man-tear~ *FIVE MINUTES OF WHEEZING LAUGHTER*

You can find part three here!

[lupaeusarc]

𝘑𝘜𝘚𝘛 𝘍𝘌𝘌𝘓𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘗𝘖𝘚𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘝𝘐𝘛𝘠 𝘝𝘐𝘉𝘌𝘚 𝘐𝘋𝘒

i saw some people doing these end of year posts and i'm in a sappy mood so happy holidays and here's some people i adore !!

@stanfordprepped JARED my bestie my love the light of my life you're genuinely one of my best friends and an absolute day one ride or die i can't even describe how much samemma and cassdell mean to me and our other ships are top tier as well i'm so glad i met you and i'll get to updating cassie's aesthetic and bringing some cassdell to the dash right after this 🤍

@carp3diems ceejay . bestie . partner in crime . sounding board for every chaotic thought that goes through my mind . i adore you and our plots and threads and the way i can just hop into your dms like " hey can i traumatize our muses rq " and you're always down lmao you're so talented and i'm just very thankful for you and for colbemma and for all of our chaos

@multi-royalty maddieeeeeee i love you so much my big little sissy 🥹 the only person i'll write em in the tvdu for and the reason i'm still writing at all i owe so much to you and i appreciate that even if we don't talk constantly you know i think you're the bees knees and you make the rpc a better place you absolute ball of sunshine

@stilesstylelinski trick you fuckin goblin i don't know what i would do without our bullshit or your unconditional emotional support you and i have both had a pretty shit year and i'm just really glad we could lift each other up even a little bit throughout all of it . stemma owns my soul and i'm still just in awe of your portrayal okay you basically pull the boy off the screen

@boundforhale MOM mom i love you mom i'm so grateful for you and for the gremlin chat and for all the support and love you give . you're so talented and kind and you need to be NICER to yourself for taking your time with replies i would be happy with a reply a year okay plus derek is a stubborn asshole it wouldn't make sense if he woke up all the time lol when he does he comes out swinging though you knock it out of the park every time

@ruinedmyself twin 🤍 i think you're so neat okay the way your brain works is so fascinating and the love you put into your muses is like palpable you're so cool and so talented and brooklyn and sam are so fucking funny i can't watch the basement yard anymore without thinking of them . i'll make more edits of them soon the accuracy is just so unreal lol

@inkedmuses VVVVVV listen i have such brainrot for john b and emma right now they make me so happy all of our ships are so cute and interesting and i love them so much you have some of the coolest plot ideas ever it's so chaotic and so fun to just yell ideas at each other and bring them to life

@guiltye LILLY i mean i just could yell forever and i will i WILL yell forever i can't even believe how intricate and deep and unique all of our plots are i'm constantly in awe of your mind every time i get a meme or reply from you i'm starstruck i love you and i love yelling about noah with you and i just think you're so fucking cool and so creative and talented and interesting and strong as all hell and you just never fail to make me smile *mandolin playing* you got all my love 🤍

@n0prom1ses lumiiii listen i love these idiot sisters so much already and i think all of our ships and dynamics are so neat 🥹 i'm sad we lost so much time especially knowing why but i'm so glad nature is healing and that sonny is once again dragging asher by the balls bc frankly it's what he goddamn deserves

i could literally go on for hours but i do want to get some things done lmao so here's some more people that my note to is this : i adore y'all and i hope you have the best holidays / new year and that 2024 brings you everything you hope for 🤍

@svnflowehrs , @escapedfromthevoiid , @hellgiven , @qapsiel , @westwingsolo , @r4chelamber , @ofcrxwns , @ofblackskies , @neverrcry , @gunchamber , @controlledvolatility , @sarcasticsnackpack , @localsalt , @fuckmeupindie , @hstoryhuh , @mecwmellc , @surgcns , @unitcd , @unbearablyindifferent

[ghostofasecretary]

i've gotta get back aboard the Wanting Things train soon and i fucking do not waaaaant to doooo thaaaaaaaaat :(

i feel like kicking my legs and fists into the bed in classic tantrum mode actually!!

i want to do the work, just please let me do the woooooork without all the Bull Shit (application fees, separate funding applications, talking to people)

i'm so scared of getting another interview and bombing it

and it's not that i'm not better at some stuff than i was in my first round of PhD apps, but i've been Out Of It for a while and also i didn't get to DO an MA because of MONEY, my BELOATHED

so i feel out of the academic loop and behind and ashamed of turning in papers i wrote 3 years ago like "i promise i still have ~potential~"

and it's. embarassing? which feels very silly. life doesn't go according to plan! every reasonable person knows that! but it still feels like not being where i want to be is a stain on me and a reflection of my, like, poor planning and misplaced optimism

(and i was mostly just following the advice i was given by my mentors! so! what the fuck!)

i am really so profoundly sad i'm not doing an MA right now and it also feels like i don't have time to be sad, like, i have to get a job and go apply for grad school and that's enough energy already

but i am. really sad. i'm good at the very narrow world of being in classes and reading classical languages and writing papers! i miss that world!! it makes me mentally ill in a way that feels virtuous and worthwhile as opposed to my default state of mentally ill, where i worry about all the same things with no basis and no relief valve

and it would be super cool if applications were a one and done deal but they sure are not, because they all have different timelines on getting back to you and also some of them have Interviews (My Beloathed) and waitlists and, again, separate funding whatever

and waiting to hear if people liked you(r application) is AWFUL, it's like if the worst parts of dating (asking someone out and breaking up) keep happening for MONTHS because your (potential) partner is on the goddamn moon or something

oh and also you're asking a bunch of random adults who vaguely like you to advertise your character and accomplishments for you. as that's going on.

i wish things had worked out for me the way 2/3 recommenders were so confident they would, where i'd just...have gone straight from undergrad to a PhD and then a teaching job and been great at it forever with no problems

and they didn't! and it's not my fault they didn't, but oh boy did i feel like that

and then proceed to never ever address that feeling because. uh. Why Would I Do That

instead, like, almost all of my nuclear family members had health crises at the same time and then i started my first full time job and then i got discriminated against at my job and then my grandparents BOTH got cancer and then i got a lawyer involved and then i quit my job in one of the worst mental states i've ever been in

and then i haunted my own life for a bit. and applied for grad schools, which went fine aside from the funding. and that ate months

(and i took a class, and i learned how to do stuff i've wanted to do since i was 12, but that's not relevant to the misery narrative)

and then i gave up on grad school this cycle and got a shitty job and saved money and moved. and here i am! ready to faceplant on the treadmill of wanting things, yet again!

and like. even if i get what i want right now i could still fail out. i could still fuck up. i could find that actually i hate teaching (despite liking it in the contexts i've already done it). my health could fail catastrophically. or, y'know, the job market is garbage and maybe in 4-7 years i'll be applying for jobs everyone thinks i'll get that i do not get, and i have to figure something else out AGAIN because i didn't get what i wanted, again

but if i never try i'll never know.

and there is a chance--a tiny, tiny, absurdly small chance--that in a decade i'll have some nice publications and a dissertation other people liked and a teaching job and more friends and maybe some partners, maybe not, but people and the work i love doing.

and maybe if i believe in myself, if i suck it up and learn with humility and write with respect and passion and dare to be ambitious and kill my anxiety about looking stupid or saying the wrong thing to an Academic Contact and just treat older colleagues like people (more experienced, yes, cool as hell for sure, but just people), i'll get to have that future where things are hard but i'm making meaning and helping other people learn cool stuff too.

...choosing to chase that chance feels REALLY BAD, THOUGH

i'll fucking do it but gods above.

[lesbiancolumbo]

🐻 anon here!

So I watched the rest of the season and I confirm my episode 1's thoughts: the story is on the nose!

Even in season 2, I found the Christmas dinner unnecessary: we know already that the berzotti are fucked up and the mother is a nightmare. We don't need to see her driving into her home. Also I am tired of seeing abusive mothers on tv behaving so loudly while the fathers can be all icyly and cool. Maybe it's bc the dinner scene recalls me hundreds of dinners my own mother prepared and she has always been awful while she is cooking, but she has always been collected about it, bc the show must go on and guests are at a distance of a wall.

This kind of situation repeated itself in season 3: the episode 8 was just a 40 minutes long therapy session. People don't talk like that and wow I am glad Donna worked on herself and was there for Sugar but it's a sterotype, it gives "when you will be a mother you will know", "mother and daughter bonding bc daughter is pregnant so she is an adult now".

Re using parts of past episodes cannot used for every goddamn episode, bc it becomes stale. We know from the beginning Carmy worked in a bad environment, we don't need to see it again with the same scene. Show me something else.

Also I don't care if Carmy and Sydney get together, if it is a warrior bond or whatever. Personally i love a good slow burn, an ambiguous messy situation and all but that relationship is going nowhere. He is going down and she with him, but it feels obliged. She is staying bc she is grateful but that special bond they had even in s2 is gone. I would have loved to see her so loyal she cares only about having that star as he wants.

I know we have all a fucked up relationship with food, but if in the previous seasons Carmy seemed to have some kind of interest on it, no more, here it's like he doesn't care about it at all. He could do whatever else and it would be the same. We see Richie loving serving well people and we see him so taken by this environment that he almost forgets about how much he loves his job and he regrets it, but Carmy? He could do professional card castles for how much he cares about food. He doesn't eat. How can you know if your food is good if you don't taste it?

Also the last episodes drag Sooo much. I love slow but why do I have to watch people talk about nothing when I could make my own small talk with my neighbour?

Also this is a personal consideration but in these years many shows had a very good s1 and then went downhill. It's a hubris thing? It's a "I didnt think it would have a s2 and it made me lose my mind" thing? It's a business thing? Idk

What do you think?

i'm glad you brought up the fishes episode from season two, because i got a lot of flak at the time for hating that episode lol. it, to me, felt very symbolic of the the larger issues with the show that i have (which i've already elaborated on elsewhere and won't rehash here). that episode gives us no new information, really, especially since the season doesn't even follow up on the donna plot thread anyway. it's spectacle for the sake of spectacle and casting all those stars for the sake of saying hey, look at who we can afford now that people care about our little indie show!

admittedly i've decided to not continue finishing s3 after the first episode - i just don't want to, i live one life, i'm sick and miserable and it's a holiday weekend and i'd rather watch iron chef america, etc. so i can't really speak to a lot of what s3 does, but it sounds to me like it's retreading a lot of familiar ground from seasons one and two and not really propelling the ship forward. i can't say this surprises me! i don't think chris & co are interested in creating a cohesive season.... they want every episode to be like fishes: a one-off that will grip you and make you forget how poorly structured the rest of it is. this is working on a lot of people, so i have to respect the grift lol. but i digress.

i will say re: the carmy and his relationship to food point you make that there's definitely a not-small group of chefs who actually have that kind of relationship to food lol.... they don't cook at home! they eat garbage! the other day i was watching an episode of alex vs. america on food network and it was being judged by two professional chefs with multiple restaurants, and one of them mentioned that the dish they were eating was similar to something she would cook at home. the other judge, a chef who is very well-known in LA and has many italian restaurants, is known for being a pasta master and cooks IN HIS RESTAURANT, replies in shock, "you cook at home?" now, i guess my question would be is this intentional or not lol..... i don't have a high opinion of the showrunner/writer so i won't answer that question. tbh i really don't think they know what to do with carmy, which is why his character arc/the story as a whole seems to constantly just.... come to a halt or go back to the beginning.

you bring up a lot of great points, and while again, i can't speak to most of s3 because i'm just not interested in going further with this show, i'm not shocked they seem to once again sideline the characters and relationships that got us on board with this show in the first place! and for what! to film in copenhagen and cast daniel boulud? ok. i am very neutral on syd and carmy (as in, i don't care if they go the romance route or not) but i liked their dynamic a lot in season one and i felt that it was lacking in season two. and from what i've read about season three, it feels like again it's lacking and once again carmy is doing the thing where he just totally disrespects her and sidelines here.... sydney! name-twin... if you can hear me: get out of there! leave this loser behind i am so serious.