#every time I run the risk of being drawn into the narrative

[maester-of-spreadsheets]

absolutely mesmerized by the worldbuilding in to gaze upon wicked gods and not in a good way

[archive-z]

Billy Pilgrim has come unstuck in time or, what was on Daniel Molloy’s bookshelf in 1973?

Inspired by @volkswagonblues’ and @islandbetweeenrivers’ reading list of texts providing historical and cultural context for Daniel Molloy as journalist in the 1970s and 80s

This is, pretty much in its entirety (bar one or two references throughout the show and its extant material), assumptions I’ve made about the character. But, also: it’s my blog so I can do what I want. Dating works is somewhat inconsistent, as I opted for the date a piece was published in a collection or translation rather than when it first appeared in print if it seemed more realistic to have been acquired in that format.

I’ve found the archives of Rolling Stone and Playboy have been helpful in piecing together a who’s who of literary life in the late 1960s and early 1970s, especially for a intellectually precocious teen from suburban Modesto, CA transplanted into the centre of countercultural life in Haight-Ashbury.

From what I can gather, being born in ‘53 means Daniel was just a year shy of being drafted to fight in the Vietnam War, an experience that would have profoundly effected his peers just a year or two older than him. Throughout his teenage years, he’s got the spectre of the possibility of being drafted hanging over his head. It reminds me of pop-inspirational phrases like “you only live once,” which really puts his risk-taking, thrill-seeking behaviour into the perspective of yeah, this is someone who is trying to live life to the fullest every second of every day because the possibility of being drafted means that he might not make it past twenty. (Unfortunately! Louis & Armand also mean he might not make it past twenty either xoxoxo)

However, crucially, he did narrowly miss the draft, and despite that it would be horrible, I think there’s an acute sense of having missed out on this profoundly altering experience as well. Moving to Haight-Ashbury, he’s six years late to the Summer of Love ‘67, and the rose-tinted image of hippies, peace, and love is replaced by the grittiness of speedfreaks and serial killing (the Zodiac Killer being active throughout 1969, when Daniel would have been sixteen). He’s made it to San Francisco just a few years after its golden era, and i think this makes him even more determined to live, more determined to chase living life in order to make up for that, yknow?

i think the themes that he’s drawn to when reading are:

new journalism, and particularly when the journalist-as-rockstar persona is inserted into said reporting

the provocative, bacchanalian pursuit of pleasure, whether it be sex, drugs, or rock ‘n’ roll — and often sex mixed with violence in a way that is neither straightforward nor legible

travelogues and adventure stories that reflect his restlessness, particularly which let him romanticise far away places with thriving literary scenes like Paris and New York

a general aura of repressed queerness and crises of american masculinity (Capote, Tennessee Williams, Ginsburg, Hemingway)

war narratives as a vehicle for cold war/red scare anxieties

Without further ado, the actual book list:

Periodicals

Playboy magazine. People have long joked about reading Playboy for the articles, but it is the one piece of literature teenage Daniel is in-universe confirmed to have readily accessible, so I’m running with “Danny actually does read it for the articles, though” (and anyways, it’s Diana Ross’ Rolling Stones cover issue from Feb 1 1973 that he jerks off to). In 1973 alone, Playboy featured interviews with playwright Tennessee Williams; Huey Newton (co-founder of the Black Panther Party); news anchor and journalism’s elder statesman Walter Cronkite; science fiction novelist Kurt Vonnegut; and Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times Vietnam war correspondent David Halberstam. Other Playboy interviews of possible interest: Fidel Castro, Orson Welles, Michael Caine (1967); Norman Mailer, Truman Capote, sexologists William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson, Paul Newman (1968); Martin Luther King Jr., Marshall McLuhan, Allen Ginsberg (1969). Also of note: between 1969 and 1971, Playboy was publishing faked letters to the editor that eventually developed into the Illuminati conspiracy theories.

In terms of reporting from major national newspapers in circulation, significant stories that come to mind are the New York Times publication of the Pentagon Papers (1971) and Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein’s Watergate investigations for the Washington Post (1972-73). It’s harder to gauge the circulation of underground newspapers like the Berkeley Barb (CA) and the Village Voice (NY) but its entirely likely that a resourceful and enterprising young reader with a point of view in Modesto, CA could get their hands on a copy.

Prose, Fiction & Nonfiction

The Little Red Book by Mao Zedong. At Berkeley, The Black Panthers would raise money by selling copies bought in bulk at markup to students. Absolutely makes sense that daniel would acquire (and actually read) a copy. Growing up in the wake of McCarthyism/Red Scare nonsense def makes me think he would see flirtations with communism as provocative and cool/edgy, but never back that flirtation up with follow-through.

The Hell’s Angels, a Strange and Terrible Saga (1966) by Hunter S. Thompson. Throughout the 1960s and 70s, the Hells Angels had a sizeable presence in San Francisco and Oakland — from what I can find they lived dead centre of Haight-Ashbury up until ‘69 if not later. As a teenager in Modesto, Daniel would have been geographically quite close (if not actually in attendance at) the 1969 Altamont Festival Rolling Stones performance where a teenage concertgoer was stabbed to death by a member of the Hells Angels.

Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail in ‘72 (serialized in Rolling Stone magazine) by Hunter S. Thompson. The quintessential text to understand ‘73 Daniel, imo. Fuck Nixon, Fuck Reagan, fuck the National Guard killing student protestors. Thompson’s other works include “The Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved“ (with illustrations by Ralph Steadman) and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

The New Journalism: An Anthology (1973) edited by Tom Wolfe. In addition to excerpts of Hunter S. Thompson’s work already discussed above, the anthology collects In Cold Blood (1965) by Truman Capote, Slouching Towards Bethlehem (1968) by Joan Didion, The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test (1968) by Tom Wolfe, and Armies of the Night (1968) by Norman Mailer. I won’t do justice to summarizing the New Journalism here, but it’s def important.

Slaughterhouse-Five (1969) by Kurt Vonnegut. The quintessential Daniel Molloy fiction novel, to me. Exploration of post-traumatic stress disorder through an encounter with time travelling science fiction aliens. Takes on a new resonance for Daniel when he’s dealing with his own ptsd post-1973. Vonnegut’s other works include Cat’s Cradle (1963) and Breakfast of Champions (1973). On the subject of Cold War anxieties, there’s Catch-22 (1961) by Joseph Heller. I don’t have much to say about it as I’ve not read it yet, but it feels like the kind of thing teenage Daniel living in Schrödinger's draft call-up would take to. Maybe also John Le Carré’s The Spy Who Came in From the Cold (1963) and The Looking Glass War (1965), the latter particularly for the palpable air of repressed homoeroticism and WWII nostalgia/Cold War anxiety.

A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway (published posthumously in 1964). Daniel absolutely spent his teenage years romanticising being an expat America writer in the Paris literary scene. Substance use, war, and crises of masculinity throughout. In addition to Hemingway’s reporting on the Spanish Civil War (1937-1938), other works include novels The Sun Also Rises (1926), A Farewell to Arms (1929), and For Whom the Bell Tolls (1940).

George Orwell: Down and Out in Paris and London (1933), Burmese Days (1934), Homage to Catalonia (1938), Animal Farm (1945), Nineteen Eighty-Four (1949); and essays ”Books v. Cigarettes“ (1946), ”Decline of the English Murder” (1946), “Politics and the English Language” (1946), and “Why I Write” (1946). I think Orwell’s nonfiction writing would appeal to Daniel more than his fiction, especially when at the right age to romanticize the poverty-tourism of Down and Out. Also bonus points for Paris.

On the Road (1957), The Dharma Bums (1958), and The Subterraneans (1958) by Jack Kerouac. In particular, The Subterraneans is based on Kerouac’s interracial relationship with an African American woman in the 1960s. He’d also probably read Naked Lunch (1959) by fellow Beat poet William S. Burroughs.

Lolita (1955) by Vladimir Nabokov, both for its salacious notoriety and its unreliable narration. Like myself, Daniel feels like the kind of teenager who would read Lolita at sixteen as a provocation in a conservative environment, but come away genuinely enjoying it.

Poetry, Drama, Misc

Howl and Other Poems (1956) by Allen Ginsberg, particularly the edition published locally by San Francisco’s City Lights Books Pocket Poets series.

A series of miscellaneous titles I’d group together as “Daniel Actually Did the Assigned Reading in High School English Class” — The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger (“Get off that bench, brother”), Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck, and “The Second Coming” by W. B. Yeats. Most significantly, I imagine high school is where he’d be exposed to the work of American playwrights Tennessee Williams and Arthur Miller. The Glass Menagerie (1944), A Streetcar Named Desire (1947), and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1955) by Tennessee Williams. In the context of his relationship with Louis, I think it’s fun to imagine he’s familiar with/attracted to the Southern Gothic by way of Tennessee Williams (again with the crises of masculinity, the spectre of war, the repressed sexuality). Williams and Death of a Salesman (1949) by Arthur Miller, present the life Daniel could have had ie. the alcoholic husband, housewife vacuuming on Valium, etc.

If there’s anything else anyone thinks I’ve missed, feel free to hit me with a reply or a dm or an @ or whatnot. stay freaky & support yr local library x

[animebw]

runs hands over face

Every time. Every time I think Love Live Superstar is finally going to buckle down and do something interesting, it chooses the cheapest possible resolution. Natsumi's sister wants her to give up on being an idol so she doesn't get hurt again? Natsumi just needs a pep talk to shake off all her worries and give a big speech about how everything's gonna be okay. Keke's torn between her feeling of obligation to her parents and wanting to keep singing? Kanon just gives her a pep talk and everything resolved without a single argument from her mom and dad (Hell, they don't even show up on screen!) Kanon and Margarete team up as a rival to Liella that will challenge them both in competition against their friends? No worries, they're totally gonna get back together someday and we spend like five minutes every episode re-affirming how basically nothing has changed since the separation. This was the big interesting thing that Season 3 was setting up and it feels like the show has been actively rejecting it ever since it was established. Because god forbid we get a single atom of genuine interpersonal conflict.

As I said way back while I was watching School Idol Project, what makes Jukki Hanada's writing special is that he's not afraid to let his characters be messy and make mistakes. Honoka's outburst at the end of SIP season 1, the long drawn-out graduation goodbye in season 2, Mari and Kanon's tearful reconciliation in Sunshine, forcing Aquors to lose their school... as exaggerated and idealized as Love Live has always been, it's never been afraid to let its characters- and its audience- hurt in meaningful way (At least not until Nijigasaki, but at this point I barely consider that soulless cash grab part of this franchise anyway). But I already thought Superstar was pulling its punches back in season 1, and it's only gotten worse with time. This series has become so terrified of narrative friction that it's collapsed into a formless, shapeless blob of bland niceties where no one has any meaningful character growth, no worthwhile ideas can risk being explored, and every potentially interesting conflict is flattened into wallpaper paste by the relentlessly chipper drumbeat of the corporate kawaii machine.

At the start of this year, I began my journey into this wild, wacky franchise called Love Live, and it proved my preconceptions of idol anime wrong. It showed me these kinds of shows can be beautiful, can be meanginful, can inspire genuine joy and wonder and make you want to chase your dreams with all your heart. Now, as the year comes to its end, I'm forced to stare in abject misery as this once-special series devolves into exactly what I was afraid it would be at the start. Empty, shallow, pandering Product(tm), selling a hollow fantasy designed to challenge its audience as little as possible because it's too chickenshit to actually try. Something once so beautiful reduced to a xerox of a xerox of a xerox with all its original magic bled dry.

The series I fell in love with is gone.

Love Live is gone.

It's time to leave its corpse behind.

[hands-of-the-king]

Truthfully, few things have infuriated me more than having to go into the guts of this game and struggle to make it into something that it wants to be, only to fall short and realize that even if the framework IS better than it once was, the fact that it still requires six hour sessions to get anything done is a massive flaw.

I’ve been slowly falling off the LANCER design train as more and more stuff in the community has gotten more wildly toxic and echo-chamber-y, with outright bullying and beating people over the head with established mode of conduct being expected in the general discord.

Small little rant below. As always, if you’ve had fun playing LANCER? Hell yeah, good on you! None of this is pointed at you, nor the time you’ve spent enjoying the game.

TL;DR: Game’s mechanically imbalanced, dissonant writing has drawn in would-be liberals, LGBT, and facists all into the same community, without actually taking a stance one way or the other, despite how much Union is “Post-Scarcity Utopia.”

Between certain community ideations of balance versus what the numbers supply, there’s no pleasing people. Official content comes out that teaches players that their big fun gun can be no-sold once each round (Solstice Rain, LL0). That NPCs get to do More Cool Stuff than them (No Room for a Wallflower, Act 1′s NPC additions, notably the Lurker compared to the Balor). That they’re going to spend hours and hours playing the game and advancing their pilots, for what?

To play a Minotaur next to a Tortuga who has three times as much impact on the game than they do? Every sitrep in the game is solved by killing things better. Whoever takes Nuclear Cavalier, Overpower Caliber, and brings the biggest gun that shoots the most will Win Better(tm). Woe betide you if you want to be a hacker, for your option is H0r_OS System Upgrade I.

Skirmish is the King of the Game. The Most Damage per the Most Action will beat out ticking up 2 heat at a time each and every time.

I’ve spent the past three years playing and running this game, and the past one and a half trying to make it a real Tabletop RPG. That invokes narrative in the midst of the tabletop combat. That creates memorable moments backed by mechanics of clashes and ace maneuvers and PILE DRIVING TWO SEPARATE MECHS OFF OF A SKYSCRAPER.

I’ve pushed the system to its limits, torn out every gut and bone I can and readjusted it all. And still I’m not happy with it.

And I think it’s that the very foundation just isn’t geared to make a snappy mech game that makes you feel ‘Mud & Lasers.’ You get in the cockpit, and you get ready to stare at the grid for the next six hours. Or you stop at 3 or 4 and get ready to do it again next week. You can dress it up, you can use the prettiest of maps. But it’s not evocative. You play, you roll, you miss your shot or do piddly damage, and that quick action was a 12th of the actions you will take across the entire six rounds. You tune off for the next 20 minutes as everything else goes and then its your turn again. You perk up when your name is called because something is shooting you, and you have to readjust to every single change in th situation as you await your turn, hoping that you can still do your seven-step plan to ensure optimal gameplay.

You’re outgunned, but you’re tough enough to survive it and weather it. Or, you’re not. At which point, kick back and wait until the combat’s over, because ‘optimally’ you don’t want to risk your pilot like that.

All the while, people with wide eyes who want to play a cool little idea they had just kind of go ‘oh...’ when anything more than a cakewalk drifts their way. I’ve taught Lancer to so many groups by now, and it’s gotten to the point where it’s hard to recommend it.

Harder still, because customizing and tuning your mech is something that I’ve been chasing for years since Armored Core V came out.

Anyways, if you want the feeling of satisfying tactical combat in half the time, Apocalypse Frame is worth a look. It’s missing the crunchy customization, but I’m hoping to come up with something soon that can help with that.

If you come into my askbox trying to defend the mechanics of LANCER, I’m sorry to tell you that it is neither a tabletop RPG nor a wargame, but a thing that straddles the most infuriating line between the two to ever exist.

[husbandohunter]

Hello may I request albedo x shy reader where albedo and reader has feelings for each other but reader is too introverted to do anything and albedo doesn't want to tell as he thinks he scares her as reader always gets red and is stuttering when he talks to her. Klee finds out about this and makes it her mission to get albedo and reader together.

Klee gets albedo to play hide and seek with her and invites reader to play together with her. Albedo is counting down while klee and reader hides. Klee and reader hides in a location that klee always hides in so albedo would find them quickly. While they're hiding where albedo is within hearing distance, klee ask reader about whether she has feelings for albedo or not. Reader then admits to having feelings for albedo and makes klee promise not to to tell him. Albedo having heard all this comes behind reader and says why not, proceeds to bring reader to a private location and tells reader his feelings.

If this is too detailed a shy reader x albedo headcanon is enough.

I Found You [Albedo x Shy!Reader]

Synopsis: For someone as meek and reserved as you, love with Albedo was a game of hide and seek...literally!

Genres: Fluff

(A/n): Ahhh what a cute idea, don’t be afraid to be detailed at all! I love hearing people’s ideas. Buuut kinda went overboard with this one since I am in the narrative mood, hope you don’t mind >//< Word count_2.3k

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Albedo wonders if he had done something wrong?

Three weeks, four days, sixteen minutes and twenty five seconds. To this moment he had counted down every tick of the clock since the day you began avoiding him. That's how he sees it at least. You weren't always deliberately doing this on purpose, as Lisa's personal helper, there were times when you were given a chance to converse with the Chief Alchemist after dropping off the books he requested for research purposes. Albedo would ask how your day went, trying to find out if you wanted to take a short break and drink some of the tea Noelle had prepared for him. Your response was a modest one but he didn't mind, he eventually came to enjoy your tranquil prescence after a long day of work. 

But something changed. Those moments where you came in during your free time have gradually faded to nothing more than swift bows and small greets coming from the door. Every attempt he made to invite you for another tea session you left as quickly as you entered. At first he dismissed these moments, thinking that you were probably too busy with no time to stop by. Albedo was a busy person himself, though, that didn't prevent him from noticing your odd behaviour whenever he saw you in the hallway. Just as he was about to call your name, you avert your eyes and take a sharp turn until you were out of sight, leaving him perplexed and alone. The alchemist couldn't help feel neglected. Compared to everyone else, he was the only one you couldn't approach with ease. It bothered him immensely.

Did he accidentally say something to upset you? Albedo was well aware of his straightforward attitude which might have caused a negative affect on your contrasting, rather delicate personality. But he always felt that he had taken great consideration on how to approach you. Or what if it was the time when he happened to eat the last bite of Noelle's shortcakes? Remembering the afternoon you sat in his office, he recalls that there were exactly five instead of four treats left on the plate. Little by little, they began to disappear, you only ate two while he devoured three. Was this the reason why? No, that can't be it. You were the one who offered and refusing would only be impolite. Unless you felt pressured to do so when he told you that he was very fond of sweets….

Albedo heaves his shoulders and lets out a breathly sigh. He became very melancholy since then, staring out the window from the second floor when there were still unread research reports lying on his desk. His mind was so cluttered that he couldn't bring himself to focus these days. How troublesome. If only he were more adept with the ways of socializing, only then he can figure out what triggers you to be so nervous around him, why you tend to shrink when he gazes into your eyes and how is it that he feels so bitter when seeing you act the complete opposite with someone else.

"Big brother?" asked Klee. She hops off her stool before throwing the box of crayons to the side. The young girl prances her way to where Albedo stood and tugs on the hem of his coat, "Is there something wrong? Why are you sad?"

"Klee," Albedo turns his head in reponse. A pair of oversized cherry orbs looks at him with concern while the girl's bangs falls sideways to frame her petite face. He felt the white fabric crinkling within her grip as she signals him to come down. Placing one knee on the floor, Albedo gently smiled, speaking in his soft and brotherly tone, "Don't worry, I'm fine. Have you finished your drawing?"

"Mhm, almost done!" She throws her hands up and cheers, "But can you help me with the backgrounds? Klee doesn't know how to colour them."

"I don't see why not," agreed the alchemist, "Come, I'll teach you."

Just when Albedo was leading Klee back to the little space he set up for her, a knock was heard on the door. He ushers her to stay put and Klee tries to peer over his shoulder to see who the visitor was. When she recognized you standing at the frame, her smile grew wide in excitement.

It's big sister (Y/n)! Did she come here to play with us too? Oh please please please!

"(Y/n), you're here," Albedo couldn't help the apparent surprise on his face, "What brings you? Is there something I can help you with?"

"Ah sorry to bother, I-I have the documents you requested from the library!" You nervously handed him the folder.

Huh? Klee brings a finger to her chin, That's wierd...Why does she look so scared?

"Thank you (Y/n)," Albedo slips them out of your trembling grasp in the same fashion he would handle old relics on the verge of breaking. It was so long since you last visited him and he didn't want to startle you, "I appreciate you for bringing them here."

You shook your head in response, "It's nothing much…"

There it was again. You were avoiding to look at him in the eye. At this rate the next thing to occur would be you taking your leave and he didn't want that. Not when he finally gets the chance to fix his mistakes. Using his calculative mind, Albedo tries to formulate the best approach to soothe your worries. He thought of the first step, something that would make you more comfortable. Perhaps he could try smiling? Yes, that could do it. They always seem to have positive affects.

"(Y/n)."

He calls you. The sound of your name on his lips brings you out of your frenzy state and you subconciously lifted your gaze, daring to take a small peek over his countenance. 

"I'm very glad to see you again, truly."

Oh!

You froze into place. Your brain stops working and the whole world comes to a halt. It was the sight held in front of you that stole every last breath away leaving you with nothing but butterflies fluttering about. They spread their wings, voraciously swarming from the pit of your stomach, desperate to burst along with the pounding of your heart. Never in your life have you witnessed or even fathomed the idea of how Albedo would look if he smiled but here you were, mesmerized and captivated like a butterfly entranced by the flower's glow.  It blooms. So brilliantly that you couldn't stop yourself from being drawn. Eyes you fought so hard to tear away from, sparkled just for you, crinkling from the impact of his evergrowing smile. It was the feeling that made you fall for him. The same feeling that pushes you to run somewhere far far away, knowing if you flew too close, the outcome would risk everything you were trying to protect. 

"(Y/n)?" The alchemist tilts his head in confusion. He noticed the redness seeping into your features and immediately brings a glove hand to press against your forehead, "Your temperature is rising. Are you feeling sick? You should have told me earlier."

"I can't…" 

"Hm? Why not?"

"Ah I just remembered there's something I need to do!" Taking a step back you gave him a stiff bow, "Good luck in your research Sir Albedo!"

Given no chance to reply, Albedo watched you dash away before disappearing around the corners. He could only stare blankly at the empty space in front of him before dropping his arm back to his side, contemplating; where did I go wrong?

"Does that mean (Y/n) doesn't want to play with us?" Klee said dissapointedly.

"…I suppose."

"Big brother?" Upon hearing Albedo sigh, Klee finally figured out what caused him to falter these days. Perhaps not entirely being the small child she was but there were enough clues to let her know that the relationship between you and Albedo was somewhat strained. To Klee, she saw you both as the bestest friends! And it was only natural that friends play together right?

----------------------------

"Eh? You want me to play hide and seek?"

The Spark knight nods heavily as she grinned up at you, "Uh huh, and with big brother!"

"Klee, don't force her if she doesn't want to, it'll be fine with just the two of us," Albedo scolded lightly and folds his arms over his chest.

She only returns him a pout, "But it's fun with more people!"

"Klee-"

"It's okay Sir Albedo, I don't mind," you chimed in at last. You were just taking a stroll near Starfell Lake after you finished organizing the bookshelves in Lisa's stead (as always, she naps while you worked away). All of a sudden, Klee waves over from the otherside and proceeds to drag you into a friendly game for little kids. You weren't sure why she seemed so desperate but…

"Yay!" While jumping side to side, the girl did a little mini dance while waving her arms in the air, "You're the best (Y/n)!"

It was hard to refuse someone as cute as Klee.

"So for the first round, big brother is going to be the one who counts to twenty while you and I go hide so he can never ever find us," Klee informs enthusiastically. 

"Alright, that shouldn't be a problem," said Albedo.

You followed suit with a giggle, "But considering it's you Albedo, I don't think twenty seconds is enough."

He quirks an eyebrow, shocked from the way you referred to him.

"Ah, I-"

"Let's go!" Klee interrupts which you were thankful for, "And no peeking!"

Turning to face the Statue of Seven, Albedo counts down monotonously while you and Klee scrambled for an ideal hiding place. This was not the first time you indulged in one of her many activities, in the past it had almost become part of your daily routine to assist the alchemist in entertaining his little sister. Even Klee was capable to be the seeker for several rounds and Albedo would lead you to a spot nearby yet discreet, just the right amount of difficulty for her to handle.

He wouldn't think of this area again, would he?"

"Six...five...four..."

Eeek! Better hide.

You hopped into the crevice formed between the mountain rocks and crouched down, huddling your knees together against your chest to blend with the shadows. You let out a soft sigh, pleased that you were able to make it in time.

"Wow big sis, I didn't know you would be here too."

The screech nearly escapes when you were startled by a pair of ruby eyes gleaming at you innocently. Klee signals you to stay quiet and you nodded, bringing down the hand that you used to cover your mouth. From a distance you spotted the chief alchemist shifting his footsteps against the grass, though he was far enough on the otherside to not notice you and Klee together in the same room. You beamed softly. He was purposely holding back.

"Pssst! Big sis?" Klee whisper-shouted, "Are you angry at big brother?"

You returned a curious glance, slightly taken aback by the outlandish statement she made, "No of course not. How could I?"

(If anything, it was the contrary).

"Then why are you always running away from him? You guys used to be really good friends, Klee misses you and big brother misses you that's why...that's why he's always sad when you're gone.

"Oh...I-I had no idea..." feelings of guilt begin to emerge when you realized what your action seemed from a different prespective. You were so caught up with being cautious that it prevented you from seeing how Albedo would react on the recieving end. Without knowing, your true colours began to reveal themselves as you could no longer stand the thought of making Klee (making him) upset, "I'm sorry, I'm just not good with words."

The little girl cocks her head to the side.

"Ever since I was little, I never found it easy to make friends. Until now when I finally became Lisa's assistance, I still can't approach other people and they tend to shy away from me since I am...difficult to hold a conversation with..."

Hugging your knees even closer, a fond expression graces your features, "But Albedo was kind to me. He was patient when I didn't know what to say. Whenever I made a mistake, he would always be there to teach me the correct steps. I have alot to thank him for."

"Huh...?"

"I think it's also on of the reason why I fell for him too. But I will never have the courage to say it. I don't want to ruin the friendship we have so I chose to keep it to myself. Though, I guess it only made things worse. So promise me that you won't say anything okay? I'll apologize to him later."

Klee did not respond. She only stares past your shoulder and you immediately spun around to see Albedo standing at the entrace with an expression equivalently shocked as yours.

"(Y/n)...."

"I...I-" you stammered. The embarassment was so unbearable to the point that tears began to form at the corner of your eyes.

"Wait, don't cry. There's no need to because-"

You thrusted your way past him before he could finish his sentence, sprinting to the distance while yelling, "I'M SORRRYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"Wait!" The alchemist chases shortly after, "Come back!"

--------------------------------------------------

You groaned at the pain throbbing against your skull as you pushed yourself upright. A fallen branch, it was. One you didn't catch before tripping over your steps and tumbling down the hill while landing harshly on the sensitive pad of your elbow. The surroundings seemed unfamiliar to your memory since you never travelled too far from Mondstadt, your vision was filled with nothing but the endless columns of trees and bushes nearby. There were no signs of anyone else within the area.

"I'm lost," you announced in a defeated tone. Something cold taps against the tip of your nose and you realized that the clouds have already gathered over your head, violently spilling the rain down to where you sat. You crawled to a dry space where the tree branches were thick enough to keep the water out. You stayed there, waiting. But waiting for what?

"I can't go back," you meekly say, "I can't see him."

The air was cold and you shiver in response. You hated how much of a coward you could be sometimes. You were always so weak, never having the strength to be courageous for once. Albedo was a beautiful man, he was smart and he was popular, he was everything you're not. There's no way that he'd return your feelings.

However...

"I found you."

Why did he come back?

"Thank goodness you're alright. Are you hurt?" Albedo lowers himself to meet your level. Up close you could see the strands sticking from the side of his golden head and the residues that marred his features. Still, he looked beautiful. Your heart soars from the intense gaze he kept on you, drawing lower until he caught the scrape at the side of your arm. Albedo pulls it forward so that he could examine them at nearer proximity, "Hmm this doesn't look so good. We should head back so I can treat your wounds immediately. Can you stand?"

You nodded. 

"Good. Here, take my hand," he offers his gloved fingers and pulls you up to your feet. You could tell that he was trying to be gentle from the way he adjusted his stance so you wouldn't wobble. Kind. He was so kind.

"Why did you come for me?" You started, "I don't understand."

Albedo frowned. There it was again, the expression he hated. The one where you wouldn't look at him in the eye.

"I just don't want to-"

He didn't even bother with what you wanted to tell him. Instead, Albedo removes his coat almost within an instead and threw it around your shoulders. He wraps you gently, making sure that the rain didn't touch your bare shoulders before bring his arms around your figure and trapping you in his embrace. You could feel his fingers raking against the strands of your hair as your vision was blocked by the star on his neck. A little voice thanked the archons for this particular position, for two reasons in fact. The first being that he wouldn't be able to see your expression, knowing you must've looked as if you ate a bowl of raw Juyeun chilis. The second reason, well, you were simply overjoyed. 

"Do you understand now?" 

Closing your eyes, you succumbed to the grasp of your beloved, "Yes, I do."

"You won't run away?"

His tone was almost a plead. You reassured him by moving your head to the crook of his neck, how foolish for you to assume all this time, "I won't, don't worry."

"Are you sure?"

"I promise."

"Good," Albedo's eyes soften in response as he pulls alway to see your face, "I love you too (Y/n)."

Alas the butterfly and the flower finally united as one. Like nectar, he was sweet. How bold of him. It seems that not only was he able to steal your heart but your first kiss as well.

[gffa]

YOU DON’T REALIZE HOW GOOD THIS EPISODE IS UNTIL LIKE YOUR THIRD FULL REWATCH OF THIS SHOW AND TWO STRAIGHT YEARS OF ARGUING ABOUT STAR WARS POLITICS AND ALSO FANDOM POINTING OUT EVERY SINGLE “ECHO AND RHYME” WE CAN POSSIBLY FIND. The first time I saw this episode, when I was tearing through TCW at speed because it was new and I was hooked and it was so good, this one didn’t really have much of an impact on me.  Not my favorite characters, I appreciate that Toydarians got some better portrayals other than Watto, but man the middle of it definitely dragged for me. Then I rewatched it, after two years of examining politics in Star Wars and having fun with all those parallels and echoes of stories.  And this time the episode hit me like a goddamned brick. It’s an episode about whether or not Toydaria should remain utterly neutral in the war or let themselves become a staging area for humanitarian aid to Ryloth, which has been under siege by the Separatists.  Lott Dod of the Trade Federation pops up and is like, yes, but it’s under a Separatist Blockade and, if you help, the Separatists will see it as breaking your neutrality.  Which means your entire planet will be at risk, your own economy could tank because you have vital contracts with us and it’ll force us to cease trade with Toydaria.  You can’t just have a humanitarian base, you’ll get drawn into the war, you’ll be a military base, that’s how war goes. Bail Organa counters with that the Twi’leks didn’t ask to be invaded by the Separatists, they didn’t ask to be taken hostage and dying in a war they didn’t ask to join, either.  Don’t let them suffer just for the sake of your neutrality! King Katuunko and his advisers debate for a brief while--all while clones and Jedi and Twi’leks are dying on Ryloth--and eventually says that we cannot get involved in this war.  No matter that compassion is one of the most important tenets of our society, for the sake of my people, we must remain neutral. Stuff happens, King Katuunko eventually realizes that neutrality is maybe not actually a great thing when people are out there dying and you’re not doing anything to help--yes, even if that means you get drawn into the war. That’s it, that’s the message:  When innocents are dying at the hands of invaders, neutrality is not a compassionate, caring choice. What of course made me sit up and take notice was the deliberate use of the word “compassion” being used as one of their tenets and we all know who that reminds us of:  The Jedi have compassion as one of their central tenets as well.  The Jedi, who have already been drawn into this war. And this is exactly why I don’t think the Jedi could have made any other choice, shouldn’t have made any other choice, about joining the war. Billions of lives are at stake--even Hera Syndulla says in Rebels, how she remembers that clones and Jedi working together saved billions of people, including herself.  We literally see the innocent people of Ryloth suffering because the Separatists attacked them.  It doesn’t matter that many of the people in the Separatist Senate and worlds who joined did so because they were sick of the Republic ignoring them and their valid concerns.  (Doesn’t matter in the sense of whether or not it affects trying to remain neutral in the war, not doesn’t matter in the sense of trying to find peaceful solutions, that’s an important difference.)  Because this was always going to happen.  Innocent worlds were always going to be invaded and held hostage and murdered and stripped for resources because of who was running the show over there. Being neutral in such a conflict was narratively shown as the wrong choice, that’s why Katuunko realizes his error.  That’s why Bail Organa (a character we know is caring and compassionate) argues in favor of the Republic, why Alderaan joined the war.  That’s why Padme, even when she wishes she could remain neutral, argues her way back to saying she must try to change things from within.

This is a sentiment that’s at the heart of the theme of the episode, that Ahsoka echoes it in the classes she teaches to the Mandalorian cadets.  And it’s one that’s important to the themes of Star Wars characters’ actions, especially in the prequels--that it’s the very heart of the Republic vs the Separatist war. Do you remain with the system and try to improve it from within? Or do you leave it and bombard it from the outside in hopes of burning it down to create something better? The answer depends on context and the situation and whether or not there’s hope for rooting out the corruption.  For example, Padme believes that they’re at that point with the Republic.  Bail believes they’re at that point with the Republic.  That they still have the belief they can make it better.  They still have hope. This is why Bail joins the Rebellion under the Empire, though.  Because the Empire being worse isn’t just a matter of contrast, but it illustrates having passed a moral event horizon, where it’s not possible to salvage it anymore. The issue of the above and the issue of neutrality overlap a lot in this episode (”Corruption”), but the point of many in the Republic is that neutrality was not an option because it ignored that they could be doing something. And that’s why I cannot possibly imagine the Jedi not trying to help.  I cannot possibly imagine them saying, no, we will abstain from this war, when people were going to suffer and die if they didn’t.  That’s even setting aside that George Lucas describes them as literally being drafted into the war, that that was the narrative take-away, how could they possibly have refused? Even in Kanan: The Last Padawan, Depa says she thinks they made a critical error in accepting titles in the war, but the clones vehemently disagree, because she’s underestimating the importance of clarity of chain of command, so that people know what they’re doing and where they’re going and how to get organized, so they’re not half-fighting each other and half-fighting the Separatists, which would have gotten even more people killed.  There’s no clean answer to that problem, because they can both be right--the Jedi accepting titles in the war led them into being seen as the villains of the conflict by those who were tired of the war (Star Wars Propaganda makes the very clear point of how this narrative was painted onto them, rather than what they created for themselves), but the clones are also right that unclear lack of chain of command would have made everything an absolute hot mess. So, neutrality was a really shitty option and, further, what does it even gain anyone?  Satine Kryze fought so incredibly hard to keep Mandalore and the other worlds neutral, because she didn’t want to drag her people into war, and how did that end up for Mandalore?  Even setting aside that they were refusing to help fight against the evils being inflicted in the galaxy, even setting aside that whatever points they made, they ignored worlds like Ryloth? It got them nowhere good:

Their neutrality still didn’t protect them from trade routes being closed to them and their world suffering through a supply crisis. This is what politics in the GFFA does.  You cannot just ignore it and say, “Fuck politics!  We’re not going to play that game!” because then you end up like Mandalore--starving and cut off from the connections you need to survive. That would have happened to the Jedi in a heartbeat.  Their granted legal authority to help anyone?  Cut off.  Their Republic funds for their Temple, their home, their food, their clothing, their ships?  Cut off.  Add in scary mind powers and people would turn on them incredibly quickly, as well as they have the hauntingly clear illustration of what happens to neutral worlds when people are in a war and scared and not thinking clearly--they lash out, they react, they turn their backs.  Mandalore managed to scrape by for awhile, but it was unstable and chaotic and we can see how that unfolded. It doesn’t make the situation right, not even close.  But it’s the situation that you deal with, you work within the system of government you have, you do what you can to try to make it better, you try to help as many people as you can. And neutrality doesn’t help anyone but yourself--and, even then, ultimately that’s not true, either.  We see that illustrated very clearly.

[gaylorswiftvibes]

WILLOW INTERPRETATION

I've been thinking and I feel like I finally have a willow interpretation that makes sense to me. I was watching the storyboard video and it definitely stuck out that this reflection was in some way or at some point meant to be just her, seemingly to represent thinking back on herself or her life. However, in the video, this is changed to a reflection of her and the male character. I think this represents a clue for interpretation- we are shown a man and a certain narrative in the final product, but, behind the scenes, Taylor has a different story. Ultimately, I think willow is about protecting a relationship through hiding it from the public narrative. Let's examine!

I'm like the water when your ship rolled in that night

Rough on the surface but you cut through like a knife

I feel like this line is very vague, but emphasizes the difference between how she shows herself to be and how she is- potentially highlighting that someone unique cut through her walls/plans/etc. and changed her or her outlook.

And if it was an open-shut case

I never would've known from that look on your face

Lost in your current like a priceless wine

I feel like she's saying that things are complicated with our situation, but I'm "lost in your current" and still drawn to you. I don't know what plan would be best or what's going to happen, but it doesn't necessarily matter and them being together is the ultimate priority. Note, Taylor uses wine as a metaphor for sex frequently. To call lesbian sex a priceless wine is just kind of lowkey iconic. Moving on.

The more that you say

The less I know

Wherever you stray

I follow

I'm equating the more that you say the less I know as the further this public narrative goes, the less I'll "know" about the situation. Wherever we stray from the truth, I will follow the path that will allow me to be with you.

I'm begging for you to take my hand

Wreck my plans

That's my man

I want to go with you, and will prioritize that choice over any plans around constructing an ideal or truthful public narrative. I feel like I'm definitely over-interpreting "that's my man", but in context it seems like a confirmation of utilizing a male narrative, beard, etc. to protect the relationship-- more on this later.

Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind (oh)

Head on the pillow, I could feel you sneaking in

Life and plans changed as they needed to. At the end of the day, they were together and it was worth it.

As if you were a mythical thing

Like you were a trophy or a champion ring

And there was one prize I'd cheat to win

While it wouldn't be unusual to compare a love interest with a mythical thing, trophy, a champion ring, a prize, etc., I think the use of the word cheat is really key here. Why would you be doing something deceptive to ensure the success of a relationship (aside from literal adultery)? I think it makes sense to think of bearding as "cheating" in this context. You get the desired public narrative, you get the privacy, you get the relationship-- all without the costs associated with a public gay relationship or any other risks associated with their particular situation.

You know that my train could take you home

Anywhere else is hollow

I really like this line because Taylor has used the metaphor of a train in other songs. It specifically felt like a little bit of a callback to the Archer, "I jump from the train, I ride off alone". This part requires a connection, but I interpret the Archer to be about Taylor's relationship with her public narrative in the context of coming out to her fans. I have a full interpretation post from when Lover dropped-- if I can find it and figure out how to link it, I'll put it here. In any case, I interpreted that line in the Archer to mean leaving her public narrative as it was and subsequently losing public approval. The "train" in context would be the public narrative- once it starts, it's difficult to change course without running off the tracks. Relating this back to this lyric, I think it can be interpreted as I can keep you safe within the public narrative that I've created. Other options may not be guaranteed, but you know that I have the power to protect us.

Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind (oh)

They count me out time and time again

Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind (oh)

But I come back stronger than a 90's trend

Roughly, I think this section relates to how public favor will come and go. Taylor's career has been long enough and big enough to demonstrate this quite well. You can't control everything and nothing will be perfect. Unrelated, but it has to be said: this was objectively not the song to put a 90's trend reference lyric. Taylor, what were you thinking. A single out of place modern reference in an otherwise timeless, witchy, ethereal song? Ugh. And no one around to tweet it. I digress.

Wait for the signal and I'll meet you after dark

Reference to sneaking around outside of the public narrative/view in a planned way.

Show me the places where the others gave you scars

This line is just really cute and I vibe with it.

Now this is an open-shut case

Guess I should've known from the look on your face

Every bait and switch was a work of art

Now there is a plan of how the relationship will operate outside of a public narrative, and an understanding. Every bait and switch was a work of art, not something to mourn but celebrate as it allows the relationship to be protected. Also could reference the more literal bait and switch within the art and the public narrative itself with the use of beards or double meanings.

Hey, that's my man

That's my man

Every bait and switch was a work of art

Yeah, that's my man

That's my man

Hey, that's my man

I'm begging for you to take my hand

Wreck my plans

That's my man

The repetition here is really striking, especially paired with "every bait and switch was a work of art". I think it could be interpreted a lot of ways, but to me it's almost a joke. Like hey, we're going with this bearding public narrative to protect us and I'm all in at this point, look over there, that's my man! Maybe that's my man! Here's a PR stunt, here's a lyric with a double meaning, here's the bait and switch, that's my man.

I do feel like this interpretation aligns with the music video, although the video is obviously so detailed and requires further analysis.

In general, I think the lyrics could be interpreted in so many ways-- that's part of the beauty of Taylor's writing. Let me know what y'all think!

[cybernaght]

We have dubbed it at home as “the trauma drama”

Here’s my review of sorts of To Dear Myself/亲爱的自己

This one is a 2020 contemporary slice of life series about thirty-somethings living in Shanghai: struggling with money, trying to negotiate with their families, getting betrayed by their friends, getting their hearts broken by their lovers, failing in their professional ventures, encountering day to day hardships as they try to find themselves in the big city. It’s low-key anxiety inducing and not at all escapist, and I somehow got drawn into it still. Watching it was at times was a bit like pulling teeth: there is only so much pain you can take, only so many little drawbacks and injustices, only so many long shots of people breaking apart before you need to have a breather.

The story centres around three women. The protagonist, Li Siyu (Liu Shishi) is a career woman, daily taking high risks hoping for high rewards. She is also balancing her high intensity life with a relationship with her down on his luck boyfriend, who is wonderful in many ways but fails to understand how being self-sufficient is part of her identity, taking it as a personal affront. Watching their relationship was a little bit like watching a train speeding towards a cliff in slow motion. The most beautiful thing about it was that you can see both of their perspectives: in his eyes, she is impulsive, reckless, and needs to be stopped for her own good; in her eyes, he is envying her success and wants her to be a housewife. Both of them are wrong. Both of them are right. 

Li Siyu’s half-sister Gu Xiaoling (Cheng Miqi) just wants to find a wealthy Mr Right to look after her, as she is constantly hiding her mischievous, vulnerable self behind a mask of superficiality. She sees her own beauty as her only asset. She likes pretty things, but she is also incredibly lonely. Her partner on screen is a man with a massive crush on her, whom she does absolutely not want to date: partly because he is not rich; partly because his sense of entitlement to a relationship with her is grating as all hell. 

Their cousin Zhang Zhizhi (Hang Qingzi) is a married woman, working, raising a daughter, desperately trying to elevate her social status in the eyes of others, all while trying to breach the gaping void stretching between herself and her terrible husband. None of the men in this show are particularly endearing, but between claiming that he is his wife’s career and blaming her for his unfaithfulness and violence, he has to do a lot of work to deserve the viewer’s grace.

It’s just like this - the story of three women, and their romantic interests, living their lives. Nothing more, but also, nothing less. The script is written by a woman as well - and it shows. Admittedly, my cdrama watching experience so far mostly consisted of BL series and loud, dumb, action-y type things, but this is the first time I have seen a text which could be said to have an explicitly feminist reading. It tells you in no uncertain terms that no, you don’t need to get married, and no, you don’t need to have another child, and yes, you can actually just settle on living your own goddamn life. 

To Dear Myself is well plotted for most of its 45 episode run, with a sense of push and pull between all the various little storylines. Ups and down of every characters’ lives are woven together in a way which resembles a dance, it’s harmonious and satisfying, and the pace of the show sits between leisurely and achingly tense. Unfortunately, in the last ten episodes the rhythm of the show falters somewhat: the plotting becomes contrived, and the narrative steamrolls ungracefully to a barely satisfying conclusion. It’s truly bizarre, how something that has been so soft and so meticulous for so long gracelessly falls on its back in the last couple of episodes. 

Some of it has to do with the antagonist, such as there is. She is not a villain, but she is the originator of a lot of the misfortunes for the majority of the characters. You wait, and you wait, and you wait for her crimes to come out and for her to get her just deserts, but her last actual scene is the one of comfort. We are told in the narration that something bad happens to this person, we are neither witnessing it, nor the aftermath of it.

On one hand this tracks with the fact that this is a feminist text: said antagonist is just a woman whose agenda clashes with the characters we care about. On the other hand, she has been set-up to be a manipulative, cunning person for the entirety of this show. The audience has been told not to trust her in the way she is framed; the audience has been told that she is trouble in no uncertain terms. I don’t quite understand why the show would frame someone as a villain and then refuse to give them a resolution the villain would get. That’s just not satisfying. 

As for Zhu Yilong - this is probably my favourite role of his so far. 

After a pretty terrible year I have found myself connecting with his character, who spent the first half of the show show unemployed, lonely, and scraping to find some kind of dignity as he suffocates in the city which is sucking him dry. Watching his journey was a little bit frustrating - especially in the second half - because apparently one dysfunctional relationship was not enough for this man, but it was still exhilarating. Besides, after seeing this actor in a whole bunch of roles where his characters would do their absolute best to hide their hearts and use a selection of masks to keep people at arms length, it’s delightful to see his Chen Yiming wear his heart on his sleeve. It’s wonderful to witness him insecure, scared, giddy with joy, butterflies-in-the-stomach in love, achingly tender, utterly devastated. He is still a brilliant actor, and, once again, the camera does love him quite a lot. 

The visual aspect of the show is great: it’s high budget and incredibly pretty. The costuming and makeup are wonderful. I have never been to Shanghai, but it’s framed so lovingly I want to go now. 

So, is this one worth watching? I… honestly can’t tell. It is for the cast - and I’m not just talking about Zhu Yilong, all of the cast have done a tremendous job here, very impressive acting all around. It’s worth for genuinely well written story of self-discovery as a thirty-something struggling with a mass of pressures. But, not going to lie, it’s not an easy watch, and the final couple of episodes left me kind of feeling dead inside. 

P.S. The narratively significant product placements were cracking me up lots. There were.. a lot of important thermoses is what I’m saying. Also, the amount of alcohol the cast consumed on set was quite alarming. 

[cogentranting]

The flashbacks in Prodigal Son 2x03 were, in my opinion, a major puzzle piece of Malcolm’s past that we didn’t even know we were missing. I think they were hugely significant. Or they should be. 

Malcolm being attacked in that way is potentially one of the most overtly traumatic experiences we’ve seen in Malcolm’s childhood. It really stands out among the things we’ve seen and heard about from his childhood. Up until this point Malcolm’s trauma has all been a bit more abstract. The grooming from his father. The fallout from his father’s crimes being revealed, and the way that changed how Malcolm was viewed. His own fears pertaining to his how he might be like Martin, and fear of Martin directly. Finding the body. Even being chloroformed by Martin fits more in this general category.  But this incident is distinctly different. First of all, this is the most significant trauma not directly from Martin; Martin is indirectly the cause, but there is a much more present, much more direct perpetrator, and that’s unique. Secondly, this is the first trauma that directly, and maliciously targets Malcolm. Most of what Malcolm has dealt with is the result of just being within the fallout zone from Martin’s actions. Even the ones that are more focused on him-- Martin’s grooming and the chloroform-- have a different character because there’s no explicit malice (they certainly did harm Malcolm, but that was not Martin’s mindset in doing them). Third, there’s a greater degree of specific fear in the particular moment. Most of the flashbacks we’ve seen with the child actor don’t necessarily show Malcolm being afraid (even though fear is a big thing for Malcolm). With a lot of those aspects, it seems like it was more a creeping fear after the fact, as he realized more and more about who his father was and what had been going on with him and around him. So it wasn’t concentrated in one moment but was spread out over everything, sort of a spreading infection that worked its way into every aspect of his life over time. And that fear is somewhat abstract or even existential a lot of the time. (this point might have the exception of the moment when he find the girl in the box). Which is quite different from the experience in the 2x03 flashback, where there is a present intense fear for his life. Fourth, this is the only one which caused Malcolm physical harm (the chloroform had the potential to, but the main way it seems to have affected Malcolm was through the role it played in gaslighting him, and through the realization during season 1 of how Martin treated him and what that meant for the relationship). This one however, physically trapped Malcolm and led to him being denied food and water for three days.  (Note: I’ve excluded the events with Watkins at the cabin from this discussion, primarily because Malcolm had so thoroughly repressed those memories) None of this is to say that the closet incident was worse than what Martin did, or that it affected Malcolm more, just that this incident has a very different character, so it can’t be written off as just another episode in a long run. 

But I do think there’s a strong argument to be made that this event did have a major effect on Malcolm. It is so different and so extreme that I don’t see how it could not. According to this episode, we do know that this is the origin of his hand tremor (I know this conflicts with an earlier flashback, but I’m going to accept the retcon). However, the way the episode was framed it almost felt like  they were treating this as just some random bit of backstory. So I really hope that they do revisit this idea and incorporate it more into our understanding of Malcolm and why he is who he is. 

There’s already one more conclusion that I think can be reasonably drawn. While this incident stands out really starkly against Malcolm’s childhood trauma, it doesn’t stand out against his adult trauma. In the present, things of this nature-- Malcolm being targeted, Malcolm being hurt, Malcolm’s life being in danger-- are very common. Very common. Practically a weekly occurrence. 

And it’s very clear that Malcolm’s response to these weekly brushes with death is not appropriately scaled. The end of 2x03 even demonstrated this. Malcolm risks his life. Malcolm gets hurt. And Malcolm shrugs it off and tries to disregard it. 

Maybe the root of that lies in this high school experience. The timeframe isn’t clear but it appears as if Malcolm is back at the school (WITH the student who did this) within the week. That could be Jessica pushing him to maintain appearances, that could be the school’s doing, or that could be a choice made by Malcolm himself, but regardless, that is hardly any time given for him to recover either physically or emotionally. Which becomes characteristic of Malcolm. Furthermore, when Malcolm retaliates (and of course I am not condoning his little foray into attempted murder) he is the one who is punished. Malcolm is expelled, but we are not told that the same happened to the student who locked him in the closet in the first place. It could be that Malcolm refused to identify who trapped him (because he wanted to take action himself) and that’s the reason we don’t hear about him facing consequences. It could be that for whatever reason, there were no significant consequences for that boy. Or it could be that he did get expelled (or face other consequences) and the narrative, framed as a component of Malcolm’s memory, did not include that detail. 

With any of these explanations, a pattern is established that frames Malcolm’s perception. Malcolm is hurt. Malcolm’s actions to protect or avenge himself are bad and punishable. Malcolm’s attacker either faces no consequences, or those consequences are deemed unimportant. 

Now, again, of course it would not be right for Malcolm to murder the student who trapped him. But I think the extremity of that reaction informs why this pattern seems to have held. Malcolm is so afraid of his capability to be like Martin-- to kill-- that he struggles to draw a distinction between justified self defense/reaction and vengeful retaliation. He fears the latter so he hesitates to pursue the former. 

So it seems that this particular incident in high school is what began to unduly acclimatize Malcolm to violence against himself and fear of death. And it at least planted the idea in his mind (or watered it) that he should be extremely distrustful of any of his own attempts to protect himself, and that it doesn’t matter whether his attacker faces repercussions or not. 

Whether he expressed it and understood it explicitly or not, Malcolm’s takeaway from the experience seems to have been that there is some element of his father in him and that others will innately recognize it and try to punish it (attributing this to both the headmaster and the other student) and that as much as he might hate them for it, he feels limited in how much he can actually blame them for it. Because on some level he sees them as justified in whatever they do to him. In fact, the only one he feels he can consistently blame for actions against himself, is Martin, because while others are punishing him for the “evil” he inherited from Martin, Martin is the one to blame ultimately for it being there. 

[turnaboutimagines]

A murder happens and s/o tries to save the victim but fails and gets injured in the process. I want to see how that'll affect Gumshoe, Miles, and Simon when investigating and how they'd treat the prime suspect and culprit (prime suspect doesn't have to be innocent btw). Maybe some light hurt/comfort between them too when the case is over.

For the sake of writing, Reader was injured to the point of being rendered unconscious for the initial day (an investigation day!) and doesn’t come to until late into the first trial day.  For Gumshoe’s and Edgeworth’s, they serve as a decisive witness in terms of testimony on day two after coming straight to the courthouse from the hospital.  Prime suspect is the culprit in each one!  Wanted to keep these consistent.  ^^Hope you enjoy, pal!  Miles and Simon are under the cut!

Dick Gumshoe.

Detective Gumshoe is very protective of his friends and especially so of his romantic partner.

So when a bad guy not only kills somebody, but hurts his partner in the process, too?  It’s personal, pal.

Will not rest until the person who did such a terrible thing is locked up and you’re safe again.

He uses his height and stature to try and intimidate the culprit because he’s convinced of their guilt (all of the evidence points to them, after all!).  Additionally, he’ll be harsher on the subordinate officers on scene, as well, yelling at them and ordering them around as if it was second nature to him.

He’s just very much on edge and uncharacteristically prone to snapping, like a certain K-9 unit.  The junior officers steer clear of him as much as possible when he’s like this, not wanting to get yelled at.

Edgeworth has to scold him and remind him that he needs to keep his act together if they want to get this villain locked up.

This poor man gets absolutely no sleep as he juggles between spending as much time with you in the hospital during your short stay there.

He looks exhausted and worn down whenever he’s at the hospital, just holds onto your hand like it’s his lifeline.

After he gets the call that you’ve woken up, he rushes down to the hospital after picking up a bouquet of discounted flowers.  Cries upon seeing you really are all right and scoops you into a hug, careful of your injuries (but not mindful of the bouquet, which he crushes, oops).

Once the conviction is handed down, Gumshoe sweeps you out of the courtroom and back home.

He is very big on comfort cuddles and will probably take the first day afterwards off just to spend it sleeping and cuddling in bed with you.

Will make you weenies and attempt to make any of your other favorite foods (or try to!  they’re always made with love!).

He picks you up from work and is just always escorting you places, wanting to be there for you in case something like that ever happens again.  His worry slowly eases as things stay normal, though, but he’ll keep up with it as long as you need to feel safe.

Probably encourages you to maybe take a self-defense class or at least let him teach you some moves from police training for some peace of mind in the future.

Miles Edgeworth.

Prosecutor Edgeworth remains focused on finding the truth, as always, but with a greater urgency because he needs to get to the bottom to what happened to you.

Is thoroughly convinced that the defendant committed this heinous crime, hurting you in the process, but he does his best to not let his biases color the investigation.

The more evidence he finds, the more convinced he becomes that the police have the correct individual.

And thus, the colder he becomes toward the suspect in question as he engages them in games of logic.  Trying to find holes in their narratives and logic.

Despite looking like he’s keeping it together, those close to him can tell that he’s having a rough time.  The furrow between his brow is deep and he tends to stare off, lost in thought more regularly.  

As much as he hates not being able to be with you in the hospital, he needs this investigation to be overseen with great care.

When he is there the first night, he simply stares at you feeling utterly helpless.

Once the first day of the trial is finished and he checks his phone to see a notice that you’ve woken up, he makes his way to the hospital posthaste.

The sentimentalities come after he makes sure you are absolutely okay and hears what happened from you.  Presses a gentle kiss to your brow as he brushes some hair out of your face, promising you that justice will be served.

He makes it very clear to the defense that there will be no badgering of the witness tolerated, given the fact that you came directly from the hospital to testify.  He’s not happy about it, but a decisive witness is the key to winning this case.

Afterwards, the two of you go home together and he just… holds you.  It takes you a while to realize it, but he’s crying.  It’s a call that’s too close for comfort, another loved one potentially being ripped away from him.  Leaving him behind.  Unbearable.

Dotes on you afterwards, despite his job taking such a high priority in his life he’ll make as much time for you as you request.

Touchier than usual for a time afterwards, it’s reassuring to the both of you.  You may even be able to squeeze out a bit of PDA from him.

Will scold you at any hint of self-sacrificial behavior going forward, not wanting you to risk yourself like that again.

Encourages you to get therapy and recommends you to his therapist, wants to make sure that you heal from the trauma and is there for you every step of the way.

Simon Blackquill.

Simon has suffered too much loss, he takes this crime against you.  Because he could have lost you, too.  And that’s unacceptable.

Really, he takes this whole ordeal very hard personally.  Protecting the ones he loves is one of his most deeply held and important core values.

He feels like he’s deeply failed you (the one he loves) on that front.

Given the suspect’s psychological background and the evidence, he’s quick to figure out that this is, indeed, his culprit.

You think he’s bad in the courtroom?  He’s hell in the interrogation room.  Psychological manipulation and intense, drawn out interrogations to try and break down the suspect or trick him into confessing or slipping up.

He is merciless and all steely edges, there is no ‘good cop’ to save this cretin.  The threats are less empty than usual…

Enjoys making them squirm a bit too much, it’s honestly a way for him to take out his own frustration.

By the time you’ve come to, the case is already closed.  A single day in court is all it took.  He spent the first day in interrogation, but doing so allowed for him to be there for you consistently not long after.

Simon’s by your side, arms crossed over his chest as he stares off into space—lost in thought.  He doesn’t notice you’re awake immediately and you get to see that he’s lost in thought.

He looks like hell.  He’s got bags under his eyes and the stains on his face seem more pronounced than before.

After the nurses and doctors run their tests, he’s quick to hold onto your hand once you’re alone once again.

“Tsk.  Don’t do something so brainless ever again.  I won’t forgive you if you do.”

You both know he would’ve done the same in your situation though.  And you sense there’s some underlying meaning behind his words that isn’t directed at you.

He becomes like a shadow afterwards, a bit too reminiscent of an overbearing mother hen with her chicks.  However, he’s simultaneously emotionally distant.  It’s a strange, contrasting combination and it can be confusing to navigate with him.

If you weren’t learning swordplay with him before, you are now!  He passes on his iaijutsu technique onto you.

Tries to find the humor and encourages you in his own snarky way.  It’s familiar and comforting in its own and he lives for seeing more of your smile.

Takes a few days off work to spend time with you, has his arms wrapped around you as much as he can and treats you to as much comfort food takeout as you want.  It’s the least he can do...

Athena conducts a couple of therapy sessions with the two of you.  She’s the only person he trusts enough with you and his own feelings.  It really helps clear up that emotional distance element.

[land-of-classpects-and-analysis]

Hiya, might I get a maid of time analysis? Please and thank you! ^v^

As always, I can only give a little sneak peek! ;3c But I always make sure to cover the most important and/or big parts of it!

~~~~~~~

Now, the Maid of Time is a fascinating Classpect; and is one that many are aware of! It is a person who embodies so many things all at the same time, that their presence is one not short of being highly magnetic and electrifying. They are made of Time and all of its forms; literal, metaphorical, and emotional. For the literal Time, they are someone who most likely is highly attuned to the ever forward march and flow of time. Not a moment passes them by where they are not aware of their present moment, but also of their past decisions and the ones to come in the future. They are the most aware of Time when it comes to their friend group, and as such will often make sure that events to come will be seen through. Making sure appointments, dates, destinations, and other important events are met; they help to usher everyone to their places on the universe’s stage before the curtain has a chance to be pulled back. They are not the playwright, but more so the director who holds the script.

They are also someone who is drawn towards the macabre; of death, decay, and all that comes after it. When they see a skeleton on the road, they do not see tragedy, but instead a creature’s cycle come to a close. They find solace in two words; The End. Because although everything around them is always changing, for better or for worse, there is that certainty that it will eventually come to a stop. And with it, a new cycle shall begin. Maids of Time are surprisingly philosophical people, sometimes giving a few Mind-bound a run for their money when it comes to their logic and philosophies. They see the beauty that comes in death, because they know that every end creates room for a new story to start. One could argue that the Maid of Time is one made of death and/or decay; perhaps they themself have experienced a tragic loss of some kind, but did not go through a normal journey of recovery and grieving. Perhaps in that tragedy, they saw a grace that so few people are capable of comprehending. Not that the Maid of Time cares what other people think, of course.

Of course, the Maid of Time is also one who is made of a fiery, fighting spirit. They are one of the first people to spring into action when injustice is brought to their attention, and they are the most likely to see to it that such a thing is fixed. After all, they are trying to make sure that everyone is at their peak performance; if one person is slacking, or making it difficult for others to perform, then they would surely be one crummy director to simply ignore these problems.

However, don’t let this fool you; this attitude is one that the Maid of Time carries, but they also are still one who is greatly at war with their Aspect. They are aware of the passage of time and as such make sure everyone is where they need to be, yes, but they are one who constantly lives in stress because of it. They love the macabre and fawn over death, but only because they are not a stranger to it. The Maid of Time is one covered excessively in scars from wounds long since past, but will surely have many more to come. They seek out ways to fix injustice, yes, but rarely do they ever pay attention to or care to the injustices dealt to them. They are still fighting against their Aspect, and they still hold a sense of wariness towards it.

During the Maid’s journey, they may try to neglect their duty as a director, or leave it up to someone else to fix and create. The reason why this plan cannot be sustained is because no one can do it like the Maid of Time can. Their Classpect is unique, and so nothing could ever completely replace them and their place in the story. Therefore, something drastic needs to happen in the Maid’s life that would bring them closer to their Aspect. Perhaps a loved one is in danger or experiencing an injustice so harsh that only the Maid can fix it, or they themself are in dire need of their Aspect and its functionality to remain intact.

No matter what, as much as some Maids of Time may desire to see their Aspect be torn apart, and the sands be free of their glass prison, they would have to learn that there is a time and a place for allowing such things to happen. By the time they would come to this epiphany, though, Time would already be left in quite the state of disarray. Timelines would be a mess, the order of events would be wrong and all over the place, and the morale of all their friends would be quite low. Because of this, the Maid would have to work towards learning how to create their Aspect.

Creation of Time is a power very many wish to achieve, yet very few are actually granted it or are even able to handle it. This is actually for good reason, as Time is a surprisingly delicate Aspect. Too much of it, and it all is put at risk of collapsing in on itself. Too little, and everything will slow down to a standstill, as well as feeling extremely one-track. The Maid of Time is meant to help keep Time in check, making sure that there is not too much but also not too little.

They are someone who can create timelines on a whim, as much as they so desire. They can also create Time in small pockets of existence - making the flow of time slow down to a complete halt in one place, while speeding things up in another. In order to do this, the Maid of Time would have to be quite the chaotically organized individual, with levels of knowledge and awareness that may rival even the greatest Mind-bounds, Light-bounds, and Void-bounds.

As for more realistic powers of creating Time, the Maid is one who would seemingly always have the chance to sit down and talk with someone or even multiple people! They always have time to spare in their schedule, or at the very least are good at making a bubble of respite amidst the rush of life. A Maid is very capable and excellent at starting something, stopping it, and then starting it back up again. They are near masters of rhythm and beats, one might even say; always remaining on the key they need to reach and the page they need to be on.

There are many other ways for a Maid of Time to create Time, but that will be saved for the much more official analysis!

Now, creating through Time is when one is when the role of Stagehand and Director truly come into play for the Maid. By creating through Time, they are setting up the dominoes needed in order to create a massive, narrative chain reaction so that order is maintained throughout the flow of time. If someone needs to check the mail at a certain time, the Maid will do all they can to ensure that the mailman gets there on time.

More realistically, a Maid of Time who creates through Time is one who creates through perseverance. Which is to say, once a Maid of Time begins a project, they are most certainly going to see it through to the end; even if it’s all on their own. Every moment counts when it comes to a Maid of Time’s creation process, and while they certainly are capable of messing around with their schedule, it’s something they find quite disruptive to their very own wants, needs, and flow. When that inspiration starts to die out, the Maid may feel very guilty for not being creative; but what’s important for them in this moment is to allow their Aspect, and themself, to recuperate. Even though they are made of their Aspect, it is and always will be a finite source - no flame can burn forever.

The Maid of Time is a fiery, passionate, and justice-bringing friend and ally to have. They are full of life, and also a love for death and all things macabre. They can see the beauty in a bakery full of sweets as much as they do the moss and flowers blooming through the skull of an animal. Mystery, yet often alluring, people find the Maid of Time fascinating and off-putting; the two often going hand-in-hand to draw people closer to the Maid. Yet no matter how many people surround them, the Maid ultimately cares more about their own personal projects than anything else. They strive for completion of cycles, for the story to have an ending, for the curtains to be drawn on a story in which they put their hands in.

The Maid of Time is a force to be reckoned with, and an ally - perhaps even friend - to be had.

~~~~~

This has been in my drafts for a WHILE oops jdfnvjdn sorry about the very late response, nonnie!! But I do hope this does help to give a better understanding on the Maid of Time!

[she-who-fights-and-writes]

She-who-fights-and-writes Coronacation Book Rec List

I know that a lot of people are stuck at home right now in dire need of entertainment, so I decided I’d put out a book recommendations list of all the books I’m currently reading and all of my must-reads!

(Just a note that a lot of these are Fantasy because I’m a fantasy nerd haha)

Books/Series I am currently reading

1. The Folk of the Air Trilogy by Holly Black (Currently on #2, The Wicked King)

Genre: High Fantasy

Setting: The land of Faerie which is kind of historical, but in the human world it is modern day

Main cast :

Jude Duarte (white, human, cutthroat, if I saw her in a Denny’s Parking Lot at 3am I would RUN)

Cardan Greenbriar (white, faerie, the true embodiment of Bastard)

Vivienne (Jude’s half-sister, lesbian with canon gf, half-human half-faerie, I would totally try to be her friend)

Taryn Duarte (Jude’s twin sister, queen doormat, still, I would take a bullet for her she’s jUST TRYING TO FIT IN)

Rating: 5/5 Stars

These books have been on my “To Read” list for so long now and for some reason I just never got around to reading them! Hands-down, these are some of the best high fantasy books that I’ve read in a long, long while.

I finished the first book, The Cruel Prince, in just two days and rated it 5/5 stars! Even though these books are high fantasy and focus on the traditions and ways of life of faeries, somehow all of the characters seem like I could meet them in real life!

The main character actually has genuine flaws and not just “””“flaws”””” and is a Bad Bitch down with murder, and the plot had me on the edge of my seat from page one!

The summary makes it sound like it’s going to be about their romance, but it’s really mostly about a power struggle and Jude being a badass.

Goodreads summary for The Cruel Prince:

Jude was seven when her parents were murdered and she and her two sisters were stolen away to live in the treacherous High Court of Faerie. Ten years later, Jude wants nothing more than to belong there, despite her mortality. But many of the fey despise humans. Especially Prince Cardan, the youngest and wickedest son of the High King. To win a place at the Court, she must defy him–and face the consequences. As Jude becomes more deeply embroiled in palace intrigues and deceptions, she discovers her own capacity for trickery and bloodshed. But as betrayal threatens to drown the Courts of Faerie in violence, Jude will need to risk her life in a dangerous alliance to save her sisters, and Faerie itself.

2. The Raven Cycle Series by Maggie Stiefvater (Currently on #1, The Raven Boys)

Genre: Present-Day/Realistic Fantasy (?)

Setting: The fictional town of Henrietta, Virginia

I haven’t gotten around to much of the book, so there’s not much I can tell you about the characters and I can’t properly give it a rating yet.

These books were also on my “To Read” list for a while; I was a huge fan of her book The Scorpio Races and have also been looking for something to quench my thirst for “private school/ghosts/magic” that I’ve been dealing with ever since I read The Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo.

I’ve only JUST started The Raven Cycle yesterday, but so far I am hooked! I’m super worried because I’m TERRIBLE at juggling two series at a time but both of these are just so interesting! 

Goodreads Summary for The Raven Boys:

“There are only two reasons a non-seer would see a spirit on St. Mark’s Eve,” Neeve said. “Either you’re his true love . . . or you killed him.” It is freezing in the churchyard, even before the dead arrive. Every year, Blue Sargent stands next to her clairvoyant mother as the soon-to-be dead walk past. Blue herself never sees them—not until this year, when a boy emerges from the dark and speaks directly to her. His name is Gansey, and Blue soon discovers that he is a rich student at Aglionby, the local private school. Blue has a policy of staying away from Aglionby boys. Known as Raven Boys, they can only mean trouble. But Blue is drawn to Gansey, in a way she can’t entirely explain. He has it all—family money, good looks, devoted friends—but he’s looking for much more than that. He is on a quest that has encompassed three other Raven Boys: Adam, the scholarship student who resents all the privilege around him; Ronan, the fierce soul who ranges from anger to despair; and Noah, the taciturn watcher of the four, who notices many things but says very little. For as long as she can remember, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love to die. She never thought this would be a problem. But now, as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she’s not so sure anymore.

MY MUST-READ BOOK LIST

1. The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee

Genre: Historical Fiction

Setting: 1700s Europe (England, Paris, Barcelona, Marseilles, Venice)

Main cast (I’ll try my best not to spoil anything because you find out a LOT of different stuff about these characters throughout the book):

Henry “Monty” Montague (white, bi/pansexual, attitude problem)

Percy Newton (mixed race, gay, very sweet boy, definitely got “most likely to bring home to mom” in the yearbook)

Felicity Montague (white, Monty’s little sister, headcanoned as asexual, I love her to death)

Rating: 5/5 Stars

Daring adventure, gay representation, historical setting, hilarious characters!

This book literally has it all! I would consider it one of my favorite books of all time, yet for some reason I’ve never gotten around to reading any of the sequel books! The ending is very satisfying and ties everything together, which I feel is part of the reason why I haven’t gotten around to them yet. 

Therefore, it can serve as a one-shot read or a full series if you want to dive into something good!

The humor made me laugh out loud at points and all of the characters are very real and very, very relatable, not to mention the vivid settings of 1700s Europe!

Goodreads summary:

Henry “Monty” Montague was born and bred to be a gentleman, but he was never one to be tamed. The finest boarding schools in England and the constant disapproval of his father haven’t been able to curb any of his roguish passions—not for gambling halls, late nights spent with a bottle of spirits, or waking up in the arms of women or men. But as Monty embarks on his Grand Tour of Europe, his quest for a life filled with pleasure and vice is in danger of coming to an end. Not only does his father expect him to take over the family’s estate upon his return, but Monty is also nursing an impossible crush on his best friend and traveling companion, Percy. Still it isn’t in Monty’s nature to give up. Even with his younger sister, Felicity, in tow, he vows to make this yearlong escapade one last hedonistic hurrah and flirt with Percy from Paris to Rome. But when one of Monty’s reckless decisions turns their trip abroad into a harrowing manhunt that spans across Europe, it calls into question everything he knows, including his relationship with the boy he adores.

2. The Ninth House By Leigh Bardugo

Genre: Horror, Fantasy 

Setting: Yale University and the town of New Haven, Present Day

Main cast:

Galaxy “Alex” Stern (Hispanic, sees dead people, very scary)

Daniel Arlington “Darlington” (white, rich, an angel who can sometimes be a dick)

Pamela Dawes (tbh I honestly don’t remember what she looks like, only that she’s a tired grad student with big nerd energy)

Detective Alan Turner (Black, takes shit from nobody, husband material)

Rating: 4/5 Stars

(NOTE: THIS IS VERY DARK ADULT FICTION AND CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME PEOPLE, WOULD NOT RECOMMEND FOR PEOPLE UNDER 16)

This book is a great read for someone who’s looking for a disturbing, gritty book with layers upon layers of secrets that you have to peel away as the mystery unfolds. I love the secret societies and the intricate magic systems that the book introduces, and it actually made me hungry for more books like it!

 Alex is a three-dimensional, very real character who also serves as an unreliable narrator who witholds or warps the information that she’s telling you, making the narrative all the more riveting.

The only issues that I have with it are the fact that Leigh Bardugo kind of just dumps you in the middle of it without explaining stuff first, to the point where it kind of feels like you’re reading the second installment of a series rather than the first one, so things can get a bit confusing at first.

The book also can drag and draw things out for a bit too long, but once the plot fully kicks into gear, you will not be able to put it down!

Goodreads summary:

Galaxy “Alex” Stern is the most unlikely member of Yale’s freshman class. Raised in the Los Angeles hinterlands by a hippie mom, Alex dropped out of school early and into a world of shady drug dealer boyfriends, dead-end jobs, and much, much worse. By age twenty, in fact, she is the sole survivor of a horrific, unsolved multiple homicide. Some might say she’s thrown her life away. But at her hospital bed, Alex is offered a second chance: to attend one of the world’s most elite universities on a full ride. What’s the catch, and why her? Still searching for answers to this herself, Alex arrives in New Haven tasked by her mysterious benefactors with monitoring the activities of Yale’s secret societies. These eight windowless “tombs” are well-known to be haunts of the future rich and powerful, from high-ranking politicos to Wall Street and Hollywood’s biggest players. But their occult activities are revealed to be more sinister and more extraordinary than any paranoid imagination might conceive.

3. The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer

Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy

Setting: Earth, Space, The Moon

Main cast :

Linh Cinder (Chinese, based on Cinderella, cyborg, certified badass)

Scarlet Benoit (French, based on Little Red Riding Hood, farmer who is not afraid to shoot you)

Cress Darnel (White, based on Rapunzel, nerd, I will protect her with my life if I have to)

Kaito “Kai” (Chinese, based on Prince Charming, kind of has to run a whole country, a very kind soul, deserves a nap)

Carswell Thorne (White, based off of Rapunzel’s Prince, bastard)

Winter Hayle (Black, based off of Snow White, royalty, has super special powers)

Wolf (Race unspecified, based off of the Big Bad Wolf, charming killing machine, furry????) 

Rating: 5/5 Stars

Do you like fairy tales?

Have you ever wanted to know what fairy tales would be like if they took place in the FUTURE instead of the PAST? 

Do you like an amazing, hilarious cast paired with a super interesting plot? 

These are the books for you!

I haven’t read them in so long, but I remember how much joy I felt while devouring these pages. Definitely something you will not able to put down!

Goodreads Summary for Book #1: Cinder: 

Humans and androids crowd the raucous streets of New Beijing. A deadly plague ravages the population. From space, a ruthless lunar people watch, waiting to make their move. No one knows that Earth's fate hinges on one girl. . . . Cinder, a gifted mechanic, is a cyborg. She's a second-class citizen with a mysterious past, reviled by her stepmother and blamed for her stepsister's illness. But when her life becomes intertwined with the handsome Prince Kai's, she suddenly finds herself at the center of an intergalactic struggle, and a forbidden attraction. Caught between duty and freedom, loyalty and betrayal, she must uncover secrets about her past in order to protect her world's future.

4. The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

Genre: Fantasy

Setting: Ancient Greece

Main cast:

Patroclus (Greek, Gay, quiet pining) 

Achilles (Greek, gay, very strong, student athlete energy)

Brisies (Anatolian, clever, literally the only one in this story who has a brain cell)

Rating: 100000/5 stars

This is basically the Iliad but if historians hadn’t completely erased Patroclus and Achilles’ relationship. “Haha yeah these guys were totally bros” they say, even though I have read the Iliad and their relationship isn’t even subtle.

This book made me cry at least ten times. It’s just so beautifully written and has such a distinct vibe to it that whenever I crack it open for another time, it takes me straight back to the vacation that I read it on. (Needless to say, sobbing your eyes out can be less than helpful when you’re on the beach)

If you can only read one book on this list, it should be this one. I could talk all day about it and write novels on just how much of an incredible writer Madeline Miller is, but I feel like you’d get my drift a bit better if you actually read the book.

Goodreads Summary:

Greece in the age of heroes. Patroclus, an awkward young prince, has been exiled to the court of King Peleus and his perfect son Achilles. By all rights their paths should never cross, but Achilles takes the shamed prince as his friend, and as they grow into young men skilled in the arts of war and medicine their bond blossoms into something deeper - despite the displeasure of Achilles' mother Thetis, a cruel sea goddess. But then word comes that Helen of Sparta has been kidnapped. Torn between love and fear for his friend, Patroclus journeys with Achilles to Troy, little knowing that the years that follow will test everything they hold dear. Profoundly moving and breathtakingly original, this rendering of the epic Trojan War is a dazzling feat of the imagination, a devastating love story, and an almighty battle between gods and kings, peace and glory, immortal fame and the human heart.

Hope this list helps you through your coronacation, and please don’t be afraid to reblog or message me to tell me if you’ve read/will read any of these!

[ill-will-editions]

QUARANTINE LETTER #1

This is the first in what we hope will be an ongoing epistolary exchange between comrades living through conditions of quarantine. Responses and other reflections on the present moment can be sent to: illwill@riseup.net

***

Destitution, interrupted

1. The theorists have agreed: the current interruption is the outcome of well-established logics of capital, crisis governance, and alienation. Giorgio Agamben writes, “humans have become so accustomed to living under conditions of perennial crisis and emergency that they do not seem to realize that their life has been reduced to a purely biological condition stripped not only of all social and political dimensions, but likewise of its human and affective dimensions.” An article in Lundimatin on March 19 insisted that “the economy is the devastation”, but whereas this was “a theory before last month…now it is a fact.” Another article from the same issue reminded us that “the catastrophe is always already here”—from the floods and fires of California, to the atmospheric asphyxiation of non-human life, to the warming oceans and melting icecaps—and, if there is a difference today, it is only that “we are now obliged to open our eyes.” Finally, as if to carry this logic to its outer limits, a recent letter from Jacques Camatte proposed that “what we are now witnessing is the outcome of [a] vast phenomenon that has developed over thousands of years, stretched between the two great moments during which the threat of extinction asserted itself.” [1] The Coronavirus, it would seem, is nothing other than the protracted outcome of civilization itself.  

While it is certainly right to insist that conditions of the present are an extension of the conditions of the past, this chorus of continuity misses something essential. Our world is certainly decomposing, but the song is not exactly the same.

Two years ago, a friend stated that, “the constitutive heterogeneity of the real is given to us under the mask of unity, homogeneous unity. To superficial perception, the mask is the real itself. To allow the mask to falter, is therefore to risk vertigo.” [2] In January, this mask still resembled the form it had assumed in recent years: a tumultuous but for the most part intelligible field of global political polarizations. The world, and our place within it, still felt within reach.

By March, the ruling institutions had been forced into a roundly reactive posture. It is by no means clear that the Coronavirus can be compared to a typical economic crisis or natural disaster, nor has the response been limited to an ordinary state of exception. After all, at least for a moment, rulers and ruled alike were pushed on to the back foot, their certainties shaken, as the virus usurped the position of global antagonist. Institutions on which the reproduction of this world depends have been perfunctorily suspended: employment, imprisonment for misdemeanors, evictions; even the DOW Jones seems up for grabs.

The dislocation of the social fabric has been far deeper than anything we have known. The veneer of normalcy fell away at a shocking speed. Actions that were once the very substance of normalcy now feel like experiments. And if we are honest, the ethical and political lines are not exactly what they used to be.

2. Three months ago, what concerned us and much of the world was the tally of forty-seven countries: the newspapers announced “a new global wave of revolt.” From France to Hong Kong, riots, occupations and blockades erupted with a ferocity and longevity unknown in living memory.

Successful revolts do not only undermine existing powers— they also allow their participants a capacity to participate more fully in the world. If we have come to think of revolt as a destituent force, this is not only because revolt splinters and fragments the social fabric into asymmetrical camps, but also because it returns us to earth, placing us in contact with reality. Destitution is rightly thought of either as a double movement or as a single process with two sides. On the one hand, it refers to the emptying-out of the fictions of government (its claim to universality, impartiality, legality, consensus); on the other hand, a restoration of the positivity and fullness of experience. The two processes are linked like the alternating sides of a Möbius strip: wherever those usually consigned to existing as spectators upon the world (the excluded, the powerless) instead suddenly become party to their situation, active participants in an ethical polarization, the ruling class is invariably drawn into the polarization and cannot avoid exhibiting its partisan character. The police become one more gang among gangs.

Needless to say, our situation today is different. We are living through a halfway destitution, a destitution interrupted. Every party has returned to earth-- yet without entering a world. The advent of COVID-19 has drained standard narratives and roles of their force. The logics holding this world together have been revealed as the arbitrary and mechanical operations that they are. Yet because it was neither “we” nor “they” who pulled the e-brake, but a perfectly inhuman virus, the standstill of historical time lacks the festival that usually accompanies it— the collective intelligence and confidence that comes with being the agent plunging normal time into disorder. In the absence of an agent, the truth of this moment remains stubbornly negative: our lives materially prostrate to supply chains as far flung as they are brittle, our world a conduit of reciprocally perilous immunity and disease.

3. Under ‘normal’ circumstances, participants in political events are never solely agents, but always also patients at the same time—we affect and are affected, we are changed by what we do and what is done to us, whether by police or one another. To have an active hand in our own deposition, to become anyone by participating in a common power with no name, is the mark of those movements and moments of eruption we’ve felt close to over recent years.

By contrast, our one-sided passivity in the face of this global event generates a vertiginous sense of being outpaced by the change around us. To be patients but not agents has meant that the dislocation of social life has occurred at a speed that makes it all but impossible to metabolize.

In their 1956 text, “A User’s Guide to Détournement,” Debord and Wolman observe that the subversive power of a détournement is “directly related to the conscious or semiconscious recollection of the original contexts of the elements.” This dependency of subversion on the memory of the subverted is not limited to the case of art but is, they argue, merely “a particular case of a general law” applicable to all action upon the world.

If the radical interruption of normal life we are undergoing has been so disorienting, this is because it is unfolding like a botched détournement, one whose force or potential is neutralized by its very radicality. We are swept into the new with such disarming speed that we cannot recall what preceded it. The tissue of normal life has been punctured, yet the cancellation was so rapid that we have been unable to register the distance traveled between the “original contents” of normal life and the world we now inhabit: a violence too sudden, too terrible even to be liberating, numbs us to the subversive effects it nevertheless carries out. The upending of the world becomes a strangely pacified process, reduced to a disorienting and disempowering experience: an inhuman velocity, less an event than a jump-cut, an excision of memory, a vertical severing of time itself.

In the long run, the vertigo will settle into more acute polarization. When it does, our inability to recalibrate will play to the benefit of the ruling powers. It insulates them against the subversive shock of what the virus has compelled them to do—less by the so-called “Corona socialism” than by the radical demobilization of the labor force that has accompanied it. Meanwhile, we float in an empty time; unable to seize upon and decide it, we wait for the suspension of history to reach its conclusion.

However, as Furio Jesi understood well, suspended time often requires a “cruel sacrifice” before it can conclude itself. [3] If our only experience of this event is as a “blip” of confusion and panic amidst an unbroken chain of administered life, when the time finally comes for an imperial reboot, the reversion to normalcy (or worse) will find no argument or exteriority to oppose it. That we remain dazed and out of step with the world gives our enemies free reign to reintroduce historical time on terms amenable uniquely to them, as the recent murders of activists during the quarantine lockdown in Columbia have already begun to attest. [4]   

For now— at least for a moment—we are all here on earth, in the desert solitude of collective uncertainty:

To have been on earth just once —that’s irrevocable. / And so we keep on going and try to realize it, try to hold it in our simple hands, in our overcrowded eyes, and in our speechless heart. (Rilke)

However paradoxical, perhaps our task over the coming weeks is to slow down the pace of change, to impose a rhythm allowing us to participate once again in the subversion and reinvention of the world on our own terms.

-August and Kora

Chicago, March 24, 2020

*******************

[1] Giorgio Agamben, “Clarification,” published on the column Una voce, on Quodlibet.it website; (Anonymous), “Coronavirus: Apocalypse and Redemption,” Lundimatin #234, March 19, 2020;  Anonymous), “What the Virus Said,” Lundimatin #234, March 19, 2020;  Jacques Camatte, “Letter from Camatte to a Friend in the North,” 3.20.2020. English translations available here: ill-will-editions.tumblr.com

[2] Moses Debruska, “Preface,” in Josep Raffanel i Ora, Fragmenter le monde (Paris: Divergences, 2018), 19. Our translation.

[3]   “Every true change in the experience of time is a ritual that demands…a determinate cruel sacrifice.” Furio Jesi, Spartakus. The Symbology of Revolt, Trans. Alberto Toscano (Seagull, 2014), 61-63. 

[4]  “Colombian death squads exploiting coronavirus lockdown to kill activists,” The Guardian, 3.23.2020. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/23/colombian-groups-exploiting-coronavirus-lockdown-to-kill-activists

[sluttyopinions]

The Blunt Reality of Attack on Titan

August 4, 2020

Written by Samantha, Slutty Opinions

OPENING

People usually tend to associate anime and manga with being crazy over the top action packed experiences. Attack on Titan is a series full of exactly that. It’s a hugely popular franchise known for having insanely cool action and bombastic music. People flying around doing impossible feats and fighting fantastical enemies that are larger than life are common. Despite all this flash and excitement, the series never lets you forget the harsh reality of the world itself in a unique way, effectively separating it from many of its peers.

This grim reality is basically used to beat the audience over the head over and over, at times too liberally and too often as some would argue. I personally think how the original author of the manga that started it all, Hajime Isayama, entwines every aspect of his story with cynicism and grimness is one of the major reasons why I love the series, and I’m willing to bet it’s a big reason for a lot of fans whether they know it or not. Before I get into the details, I will say that I won’t be putting in any real spoilers of either the manga or the anime so if you’re just curious about what I may have to say, you can keep going. I’d also like to mention that I am more of a recent fan, but still a big one. I’ve seen the entire anime and have been trying to catch up on the source material, so my knowledge and opinions will be limited to that amount of content.

THE TITANS

For anyone unaware of the basic premise of Attack on Titan, the last remnant of the human race has been trapped by huge humanoid beasts in an expansive settlement surrounded by walls. It is humanity’s job to fight off these mindless monsters and survive behind the walls. The titans are a large part of what creates the identity of the series. Seems kind of obvious since it’s literally the title and all. The way these titans are integrated into the action and the story of the show is a large part of what prevents Attack on Titan from simply being another generic action series that ends up forgotten as a flavor of the month. It seems like I’m not giving the series enough credit because there is a LOT it does right otherwise such as pacing, story structure, characters, and so on that combine to make an incredible experience that has captivated many. However, I still stand by the idea that the titans help make the franchise feel truly one of a kind.

Everyone who’s ever seen the titans has probably noticed how grotesquely and uncannily they are designed. In the manga, the whole world and the way many things and people are drawn especially all have very creepy vibes to it all. While it would be a huge stretch to claim Attack on Titan is a horror manga, it’s common sense to acknowledge it’s strongly influenced by horror. The absolute sense of uncertainty and powerlessness these monsters present nearly every time they’re on screen is overpowering to both the characters that must deal with them and the audience as well. 

Isayama creates a feeling of dread involving these beasts insanely effectively. Any encounter with them even if it is merely 1 or 2 of them can always lead to sudden death. There is never safety in the presence of the titans even for the most skilled. Their pure size and physical ability is nearly never downplayed. While the humans have their own special weapons and crazy abilities, the titans are hardly ever presented as mere battle fodder or mulch. Titans happen to be very good at killing people and the delivery of it all makes it feel believable. Keeping the antagonists intimidating and serious is very important for the overall feeling of Attack on Titan. 

At times it can even feel like too much. The idea of any character dropping dead at any time can be very discouraging when you’re trying to get invested in a cast or just getting started. Sure that amount of pure “edge” in itself is appealing to a lot of people, but edge without purpose or substance makes for very bad entertainment in my eyes. It’s honestly in fact one of my pet peeves. I did not expect to like Attack on Titan for a long time due to this reputation it had for being brutal and random. Just not my style. When I actually gave it a shot however, I realized the writing is a lot more purposeful and I’d even say forgiving than I expected. While at times being an emotionally exhausting experience and definitely pessimistic in many ways, this series treats the terrible events that occur left and right with proper gravity and maturity.

THE NATURE OF WAR

Attack on Titan has a lot to say about a variety of subjects. It’s honestly much more subtle and intelligent than I even thought with my initial blind viewing of the anime. Reading the manga through the same events really gave me an appreciation for the thought and detail that goes into Isayama’s writing. The most obvious subject he focuses on is something that is probably less than subtle however and can be spotted quickly by anyone who has seen or read even a bit of the series. 

That subject happens to be the horrors of war. On the surface the story seems to be just a simple story of man vs beast and it wouldn’t make much sense for it to have anything to say about war. While the circumstances involved are very fantasy-themed and at times ridiculous, it still at its heart is a narrative about war and how humans cope with it, both those on the front lines and those who watch from afar. 

The grim and serious nature of the series is the way it is directly thanks to that theme. If life wasn’t always at risk, if it wasn’t treated as fragile, if death wasn’t respected and dwelled on and treated with the utmost permanence and seriousness, this theme would not work the way it does. Anything less runs the risk of just looking like glorification while merely saying the opposite. Admittedly there’s a lot of people who still somehow think Attack on Titan glorifies war but that’s a whole other subject. A very impactful and relevant part of the story is one early on where humanity wins a huge battle, yet no one bothers to celebrate merely because the overwhelming weight of the dead hangs heavier than any related relief ever could. This kind of grim and depressing, yet honest storytelling about war is very common throughout the plot.

What it means to be a soldier, the intricate overlap of society, media, government, and economics on war, the will and the reason to fight, the sanctity of human life and the nature of sacrifice and finding meaning in meaningless and constant death are all discussed often and in detail in Attack on Titan and the grim realness of everything that happens in the story and the overall feeling of being unsafe it conveys are deeply important to allowing these themes and discussions to work as well as they do.

PHILOSOPHY AND PSYCHOLOGY

The last major aspect of the story that I think benefits greatly from the unrestrained reality and brutality of the series is the very unique philosophy and psychology that Isayama presents. Most of the points and lessons the characters learn through the story are not pleasant ones. Everything the characters go through and the utter bleakness of Attack on Titan’s world shapes everyone’s worldviews. People take small steps and make concessions to have hope in this world. Optimism is present plenty, but the way the characters experience optimism is still rife with sacrifice and harsh undeniable truths. 

This very unique perspective compared to a lot of similar media is refreshing in its own way and kept me questioning what I knew. You couldn’t often easily predict the conclusions characters would come to because they are not what you may have come to expect from other media. One major character, Erwin Smith, is a great example of the kind of ideas Attack on Titan will throw around. His character is labeled as a demon by some, but a hero by the same people as well. The necessity of pain and sacrifice underlies all progress and achievement and he knows it and so do many others, even if it’s hard to accept. Having to create guidelines bound by the rules and expectations of reality only makes them that much more applicable to real life and real war. 

Despite all this, the series never feels outright preachy. Characters dwelling on the meaning of what’s happening to them is specific to which character and which circumstances. It doesn’t feel nearly like the author is writing an essay about the way things are or should be while using characters as mouthpieces and more just people in a hard situation trying to make meaning out of the meaningless suffering around them. Agreeing or disagreeing with any point as a reader or viewer isn’t portrayed as wrong in any case it’s more a vehicle for thought as well as phenomenal character building.  Like real war, none of the questions presented have a genuine correct answer. The character Levi himself at some point in the story even admits that as a veteran in battle, he can never be truly sure of his choices.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

The amount of respect and purpose Attack on Titan treats its frequent suffering with is key to the experience as a whole. While a series with just good writing all around and good reasons for its fame, something that in my opinion makes it feel like something special and something that captivated me is the overall gravity of the story. Without being effective at intensity and discomfort as well as in dealing with said discomfort, the story just wouldn’t feel real. And if it doesn’t feel real, it won’t feel like it matters. This series matters quite a lot to myself and many others and I hope this is at least a glimpse as to why.

[iceisfuckingdone]

So i wrote a narrative about minecraft manhunts for school

its almost a fic now

“Aaand recording” I loudly said to my microphone. “We ready?” I heard a chorus of agreements between my friends. They stood in a circle around me, like a ritual. Laughing, their grins became almost creepy. I slapped one of them, and started running. They dashed after me, screaming. I kept running, past trees, rivers, and wild animals chewing grass like bubblegum. They went after me, but slowly, they fell behind. I took a break to gather resources, making tools to fight back, while I knew they would be doing the same. I looked around to see if there was anything I could use, and a village caught my eye, I could use the resources there. After checking that they weren’t around, I made a break for the village. The residents spoke in a language I could not understand, sounding like mumbles and grunts. I grabbed some swords and armor from their houses, and took their food. Their farms were left untouched, but I took a few hay bales from their horses, and I was back on the run. I knew my friends would find this village, so I couldn’t leave anything behind for them to use. The villagers gave me weird stares, but ignored me as I destroyed their guardian. As I looked from where I came, I could faintly see my friends catching up. I had to get out of there. As I ran, I saw an ancient pyramid. Small, but I knew the loot inside would be lifesaving. I quickly turned to it, and continued running, hoping I wouldn't hear them say that they saw me. As I broke into the temple, I became cautious of the traps that I knew would be there. I avoided the plate that was rigged to blow the entire place up. I broke down a layer, to grab the deadly explosives, maybe I could use them to my advantage later. The explosives were rigged on a tree. I could break the leaves, and it would explode. There was a high chance I would die as well. But for me to have any chance of loosing them, I would need to take that risk. Taunting them, I casually said “I seeee you guys.” Their heads swiveled around, trying to find me. As they located my bright green outfit, they started running to me like vultures diving in on prey. I braced for the axe hit with my shield, as one jumped on me. I slashed back, but knew I couldn’t take this fight. I ran to the tree, and slashed at the leaves with my axe. I screamed as I saw the text on the bottom of my screen. “Sapnap blew up. Antfrost blew up” “NO!” I heard all four of them cry. I began to laugh as I kept running, avoiding my enraged friends. I saw a glow come from a hole, and knew it could only mean one thing. Lava. Grabbing a steaming bucket of molten lava, I quickly placed it back down, with water flowing above it. It solidified within seconds, and I grabbed another one, to place on top. As I grabbed my flint, and started trying to light it up, I heard faint screams. “I FOUND HIM!” I knew I had to be faster. As I slid into the purple haze, I saw their swords being drawn, and I vanished. The other dimension was fascinating. Red mountains, a dark roof, with so much lava and fire you could cook a chicken by letting it stay here for longer than a few minutes. Somehow, trees and plants grew here, and hostile people resided in the forests. I couldn’t admire the view for long, I would be here many times. I dashed through the teal forests, with winding vines, and glowing lights. The sleek, black monsters that almost looked like slenderman stared at me as I made my journey. I knew that my friends were on my tail, I had to loose them. I saw a faint, maroon brick in the distance, and made my way to it, avoiding the screaming coming from the white, fire shooting animals. I heard some crys from my headphones, as “Badboyhalo burned in lava” went up on my screen. I giggled as the achievement A Terrible Fortress appeared right after. I knew I had more time that one was back in the overworld, where they were separated. As the maroon bricks started becoming more and more common, I saw what I desired. A fiery, yellow and orange, blaze. I hacked and slashed at them, one after another, until I got all the rods from them as I needed. Running out of the fortress, I spotted my friends, with glowing armor on. They were going to see me soon. Crouching, I snuck back to the forest without them noticing me, and made a break for the portal to the overworld. I came across more of the slendermans, as they spoke in a language that was faintly understandable, but nothing like our own, almost in reverse. One by one, they dropped their eyes, which I would need to cross dimensions again. Once I got back to the portal, they finally noticed me. “He’s right there you muffins!” and I felt all eyes on me. Hopping back into the portal, I almost got hit by one of their stray arrows. From the red landscape and huge fog, to the calm green, was almost refreshing. I could never admire the landscape, I needed to trap them in the nether. Using a water bucket, I extinguished the portal, and hoped that would buy me some time. Running through the sand, more tall endermen appeared. They continued to drop their eyes, and my journey went on. As I chucked one eye in the air, it started directing me to my destination. The stronghold. Rowing across the sea, and even climbing some mountains, I didn’t see much of my friends. But when I was close to the stronghold, I saw a glowing, blue person. They got diamond armor. They started chasing after me, and I checked to make sure I still had my hay bale from ages ago. I looked around, there was no where for me to hide. I needed to have one of them jump to their deaths. I climbed up the hills, making sure I wouldn’t die myself from the height I needed to drop from. They followed like ducklings. I brought out the hay bale, once I reached the top of the mountain, and jumped. Quickly placing the hay beneath me, I bounced on the fluffy hay, as I saw one my friends go splat on the ground. Grabbing their stuff that I could use, I kept on running, as the rest stood in disbelief. Throwing the last pearl, it went straight down. I started digging along, and dropped immediately into the stronghold, and I heard screaming as “eye spy” came up in the chat. Dashing through the tunnels, searching for the portal, I looted the chests along the way. I had 12 pearls to use, and I would need all of them. Running past the iron bars, I saw the lava, and ran into the room. I only had one life to do this. They had infinite. Placing the eyes into the frame, the portal lit up, but was dark and starry like the night sky. I jumped in, after checking I had everything I would need. The dark void encompassed the surroundings, other than this one island. Obsidian towers, with explosive crystals, to the final boss. The dragon. Digging through the cliff, finding my way to the top, was the part that I needed to do as quick as possible. The others found the stronghold, so they would be right behind me. As I drew back my bow, and aimed at the first crystal, I saw the four of them pop up, and I didn’t have much time. Running away, I drew back my bow again, and fired at the second. Two loud explosions. The third one was caged, I couldn’t deal with it at the minute. I knew that if I was knocked up into the air, I would need to try and do a water drop. Great risk of dying, but it would be the only way to survive. Arching back my bow again, I fired again, trying to reach within the cracks in the bars to destroy it. After 3 shots, it exploded. I kept the hunters in the back of my mind, as I kept on firing. One after another, I fired, they exploded. Slicing up some enderman, I got another pearl, and kept it ready just in case. As they came dashing after me, I started to run. I was running out of food, and I knew they had more than me, so I had to end this fast. Throwing the pearl to the bedrock platform, I started hacking at the dragon using my axe. I used some of my leftover tnt, ignited it, and watched as the dragon took more and more damage, it wincing in pain every time. As it painfully flew up, I knew it didn’t have much health, but the hunters were gaining on me. I fired arrows at it, while my friends whacked and stabbed me. I saw the dragon had so little health, I could throw my pearl at it and kill it. I jumped off the edge, chucking my pearl back at the dragon. This was the riskiest choice for me, but if I had stayed, I would have been dead from the hunters. The pearl connected. A glowing light came from where the dragon just was. “Free the end” appeared in my chat. Cries from my friends echoed through my headsets. I cried in triumph, and walked over to the portal, smiley mask cracked in half. As I stepped into the way back to the overworld, I had one last thing to say. “This is manhunt!”

[sometimesrosy]

Anonymous said:

When did those irrelevant things you just listed cause B/E break up? Yeah. Never. Now tell me again whose interpretations are dumb.

++

listen kitty kat, a story works by getting us from point A to point Z and carrying us on all the points in between. When they talk about narrative development, they are talking about how it moves from step to step heading towards the end of the story. 

If Bellamy being IN LOVE with his soulmate Clarke and willing to sacrifice all his people INCLUDING his current girlfriend for Clarke-- which was emphasized in canon with actions, dialogue, parallels, and plot (Oh hey B, Echo is in danger. I’ll go save Echo, let me go in as Josephine. The hell you will you’re not risking yourself for Echo,) IS actually relevant to Bellamy choosing Clarke over Echo. 

Echo having a two season long character arc where we discover that Bellamy doesn’t actually know who she is, where she needs to find out who she is outside of her king, where she recognizes that her romantic relationship is the same dynamic as she had with Roan or Nia (yikes), where she can’t open up to Bellamy and give him what he needs because feeling makes you weak and she’s hidden herself down below acres of repression, is ACTUALLY relevant to how B/E is fallling apart.

Season 6 showed B/E dissolving, with bickering and out right fights, and withdrawing from each other and secrets and all that. I do not know how you missed it. I tried to show y’all and point out what was pretty obvious on screen. 

just because you SAY something is irrelevant doesn’t mean it actually IS irrelevant.

The things I mention are ENTIRELY connected to the story of a love triangle.

Let’s make the connections since you seem to be unable to do so on your own.

So what we have is a classic Love Triangle, with the added trope of dead wife back from the grave, too late, now he’s moved on.

Bellamy came back, discovered he was still in love with Clarke, but he was committed to Echo. He and Echo bicker about everything, but mostly his sister. Andt the longer her compared the two the more Echo failed in the comparison. He wants CLARKE, but he has Echo, and he blames her for it, which isn’t fair. So he makes a commitment to forget about Clarke who is getting busy with the doctor--- until he finds out that Clarke has been murdered at which point, he stops being concerned about Echo at all. He does not share his feelings with her although he just reprimanded her for not sharing her feelings with him. Then when he finds out Clarke is alive, his every focus is on Clarke, and at the gate, he leave Echo to danger while he grabs Josephine and drags her into the woods. Incidentally, Echo told him to. Which is a parallel when Clarke told Echo to go save Bellamy. At which point she let go of her love for Bellamy and “gave” him to echo. Her blessing. So to speak. And THEN Bellamy has a huge long drawn out mission to save Clarke in which the girl in her body and head starts messing with his mind about how much he cares for Clarke. more than ever, and starts comparing their relationships with her two century true love story with Gabriel, and then Bellamy actually DOES save her and does so with the force of his love for her, the head and the heart. Then he won’t let her risk her life to save Echo, although she does anyway. And then at the end of the show, Bellamy pats Echo on the back while he goes to run into the arms of his true love and talk about feelings and grief and hope and how TOGETHER they are.

But no. There has not been a break up scene. There’s just been multiple seasons dealing with Bellamy and Clarke’s soulmate relationship and how B/E just doesn’t measure up.

That’s a love triangle with one leg of the triangle that is collapsing, because endgame is Bellarke.

I understand you need to have it laid out for you in very clear terms on screen, like “Echo I’m breaking up with you because I love Clarke, I’m sorry” but to do that without the development we’ve had would create a shallow romantic development for bellarke and would be unconvincing to break up be/cho leaving it as nothing more than a prop to build up bellarke, which is poor storytelling.

SHALLOW superficial stories are bad writing.

Slow, multilevel, complicated stories might be tricky or frustrating, but that’s not bad writing. Or rather, you have to wait to see if their can pull of the AMBITIOUS writing and you can’t know until the end and all the storylines are resolved.

Anyway, I’ve spent too much time on you. bye